#luo binghe is of course distraught

[confuzing]

SVSSS transmigrators get sent back to the modern world AU except Shen Yuan is dead.

Airplane Bro wakes up in his floor like, "eugh, being electrocuted sucks" but besides that he's fine? I mean maybe he should go to the doctor but he feels ok...

Shen Yuan wakes up in his own corpse. He's dead dead. He's cold, and not breathing and has livor mortis. At least he's not in rigor yet- still? He's not sure how long he's been dead. Anyway, he messages Airplane to come to him, he's pretty sure he can't take a bus like this.

He guesses it's nice that his senses still work and he can't seem to feel pain or hunger or whatever. But this does put a definite timer on how long he can stay like this probably...

When his husband gets here (because of course he'll get here) he's going to be so upset.

[gaywarcriminals]

Thinking about Shen Yuan transmigrating into Luo Binghe and freaking out thinking he "broke the heavenly pillar" because he can't get it up for any of the wives

[incognito-lionbeast]

Rotating an AU where Bingge is transmigrated into a younger version of himself from the SV universe at the same time as Shen Yuan. But unlike in the normal SV timeline, The System only minimally interferes with SY!Shen Qingqiu's choices (something, something about Bingge's transmigration...).

Not that Bingge makes it easy for things to change. He spends what's left of his second "childhood" waiting for the shoe to finally drop, suspicious of this "nice" Shen Qingqiu. Yet, he plays along anyway-- there are pieces he needs to setup. To redo it all. Reclaim his position of power, anyway. He'll just kill Shen Qingqiu again later. Or so he tells himself.

Not that it isn't sort of nice...

The Immortal Alliance Conference eventually comes again. Bingge plans to fall--he needs Xin Mo, after all--regardless of what Shen Qingqiu does. Though he does expect the reveal to finally shatter that mask of niceties his beloved shizun has worn for so long. Too long.

Yet, things don't go according to plan. Without the System breathing down his neck to push Luo Binghe down into the Abyss, Shen Qingqiu tries to--

Well, he won't succeed. Luo Binghe falls, taken aback by his master's compassion. An image irreversibly seared into Bingge's mind of his shizun braced over the edge of the abyss, reaching, struggling to hold onto an unwilling damsel.

Why?

He refuses that help. Falling, falling. The abyss awaits and he's prepared this time. How can he rebuild an empire without his generals, his sword?

Above, Shen Qingqiu is distraught and all he can think to say to Liu Qingge and the others who soon arrive is "He fell." Unable to fully process what had just happened-- and it wasn't even... To his eyes, it almost seemed like a genuine accident.

Straightforward as ever, Liu Qingge suggests that he--as in himself, no incurably poisoned Shen Qingqiu's allowed--could simply go after Binghe. If there'll even be anything left to find.

An idea that honestly might not have even occurred to him had Liu Qingge not suggested it. Of course, this meant that he wouldn't for even a moment allow his dear shidi to go on his own! That was his disciple! (And his dedicated meridian clearer!)

So what if he was poisoned? He also happened to be the most knowledgeable about the Endless Abyss!

TLDR: though it takes much longer than anticipated, both to find a reliable way in/out of the Endless Abyss and to find Binghe at all...

They manage.

Yet, after stewing for so long on that image of Shen Qingqiu trying to save him--unable to rid himself of that obsessive sentiment no matter how he tried... Something Breaks.

He spent a lifetime trying to please shizun, cursing him, tearing him apart... why is it only now that shizun's hands are soft? Why?

It's infuriating. He still wants to rip him limb from limb. He'd planned to. Meticulously. For the first time in over two hundred years, his eyes are hot with withheld tears. Allowing an awkward teacher-disciple hug, gripping Shizun just a little too tightly, clawed fingertips digging into his back, Binghe supposes.

If killing Shizun is no longer an option, then he'll simply have to have him.

[dangermousie]

CFC 160

1. HY trying desperately to deflect and be “but wait, the food!” Ohhh.And XQC himself looks shaky and shaken but HY is too distraught to notice.

2. The bit where it says in hurting HY, XQC hurt himself!!!!

3. Meatbun must have a pHD in sadism!

And then the little detail of HY having a bandaid on his finger because he cut himself cooking. Forget pHD, how about post-doc!

4. HY putting the food away and bawling and how the novel talks about this interval with XQC was the first time he’s ever really cooked but also how he’s had a home FUCKING STOP

5. XQC telling HY it’s not because he’s bad but because he’s a man and it’s not his thing (and I love that he is trying to be considerate even breaking HY’s heart) but his internal monologue is that it’s not that at all, it’s because he’s dying which is such a change from early XQC and his “straight man cancer” but also it’s both completely in character for paternalistic, closed-off, control and protecting others are our all XQC and utterly infuriating at the same time - just tell HY the truth and let him decide from there. But of course that is not in XQC’s nature.

6. “You can’t find another person in this world who loves you like I do.” HY without any pride, begging, is just killing me. And the thing is, the kicker - XQC agrees with what HY says, he loves him back, he hurts because HY is hurting, but he is still continuing (has ANYTHING or ANYONE been able to really change his mind when he’s set on something? Not really.) And when he thinks of HY as an abandoned puppy - ouch!

7. XQC basically says he should end up alone as an old (32?! That’s old? God, are you related to Chu Wanning?) and sick (but I bet you won’t tell him how sick) divorced man and acknowledges HY’s sincerity and how well he treats him (and he’s willing to throw away his reserve in admitting that as a last gift) but then:

The thing this line eventually works (after HY’s desperate and passionate “I don’t care what the world thinks of us” comments) is because there is a small grain of truth in it (XQC does not like that aspect of it - it’s just that if it wasn’t for his illness, he’d then decide it’s worth it and never think about it again in a serious fashion. This is not a man who cares what society thinks - see his actions in the hospital) but also because HY will process this as them being together is hurting XQC.

8. HY hugging XQC from behind and bawling (he cries as much as Luo Binghe, I swear :P) and the tears falling on XQC’s mole which is the physical symbol of what he’s going through and why he can’t be with HY! And XQC wanting to hug him so badly but refraining. UGH. But where HY doesn’t see,a tear drops. KNIFE SALE AT THE KNIFE FACTORY!

I remember wanting to skin HY alive in earlier chapters but now I am distraught!

[akatsuki-shin]

Review: Scum Villain’s Self-saving System (SVSSS)

Notes:

(Very) long post ahead

Contains spoiler

This is my personal review and does not represent the entire audience, you are free to agree or not agree with what I’ve written here

Feel free to reply/send me a message if there are things you want to discuss

Summary:

SVSSS tells the story of Shen Yuan, an avid web novel reader - particularly the stallion genre - who died suddenly from food-related incident after having just finished reading a famous (yet controversial) web-novel "Proud Immortal Demon Way".

Upon his wake, he discovered that he had been transmigrated into the world of that very novel, moreover into the body of the story's most-hated scum villain, Shen Qingqiu.

In his previous life, Shen Yuan had frequently criticized the "Proud Immortal Demon Way" and its author, "Airplane Shooting towards the Sky", for he found the web novel full of wasted potentials. Now having been sent to live in that novel's story, a mysterious system assigned him with a mission to fix the very plot he had been denouncing - and of course, to save himself from the tragic end of the original Shen Qingqiu, who was fated to be mutilated into a human stick by the story's protagonist, Luo Binghe, his own disciple.

STORY: 7/10

I personally have not read a lot of "isekai" stories. However, what makes SVSSS interesting to me, compared to most transmigration stories I've seen in the past, is because the main character was not thrown into a completely strange, unknown world, but rather into the universe of a novel he had been closely following up until the very last second of his life.

And what's more? He does not have complete freedom in modifying the story however he wants, but supervised by a mysterious system that will reward him for correct decisions, and punish him for wrong choices - with being deported to his original world as the ultimate punishment should his points fall below the set limit (a.k.a. he would really lose his life because he is already dead in his original world).

The fact that Shen Yuan, now living as Shen Qingqiu, possessing complete knowledge of the original story, yet still unable to foresee what butterfly effect his actions will cause to the plot and characters is perhaps the most appealing aspect of this novel.

Shen Qingqiu in his previous life was no different than us - a normal, modern young man from the 21st century. His thoughts and opinions on the situation, the way he reacts on certain matters, his internal monologues are all realistic and easily relatable. It feels as if I myself have partly become Shen Qingqiu, as well, looking at how the story progresses from a first person point of view, because if I were to be in his shoes, I would probably react in the exact same way as a modern person thrown into an ancient fantasy world.

Nevertheless, this "omniscient reader" point of view is not without a flaw. Although Shen Qingqiu himself is gradually blending in, accepting his new life in the ancient cultivation world and no longer seeing the other characters as mere "fictional characters", because his mindset is that of a modern man, I find it difficult for myself as the reader to perceive the world of SVSSS as an actual, stand-alone world. Until the very last page of the story, I still feel like I'm looking at a fictional world, feeling detached to the universe and characters because I'm not "living" in it.

Another aspect that I think could've been improved is the romance development between Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe. I have full confidence that post-story Shen Qingqiu loves Luo Binghe with all his heart, but I seriously have no idea when and how he reached that point.

In the first half of the story, upon having accepted his new life as Shen Qingqiu, his feeling towards Luo Binghe is more like fondness and endearment. Perhaps he does like the character Luo Binghe, and considering that he, along with the rest of the web novel's readers, hated the original Shen Qingqiu to the core, of course he wants to treat Luo Binghe and the other characters better (otherwise, how could he save himself from that nightmarish fate as a human stick).

Later on, he learns of his mistake, how he could've made better decisions, and tried to understand Luo Binghe better, redeeming himself. Perhaps his love towards Luo Binghe began to grow along this path, but I honestly don't see it being told to me, as the reader. All of a sudden he is willing enough to "offer" himself to calm the maddened Luo Binghe. He's been proclaiming himself as a straight man all this time and never once did I see him agreeing with himself that he is going to accept his feelings for Luo Binghe. When I read this later part, I feel like I've just jumped over a huge chunk of development. Because up until that point, Shen Qingqiu still only gives me the feeling of a teacher who adores and cares for a special disciple of his.

All in all, if I were to summarized the plot, I think SVSSS is an interesting, curious story. The fact that Shen Qingqiu was tasked to fix the original novel's flaws makes me want to continue reading for as long as I can. What change is he going to make? What effect will be caused and what chain of events will follow? Furthermore, if you're looking for comedy, then you've come to the right place. With an internet-literate modern man experiencing living in an ancient, fantasy novel, Shen Qingqiu's reactions will never be boring to see. Even the banters and exchanges between characters are so realistic to the point that it is almost possible to imagine them visually.

Also, BingQiu is cute, I take no criticism.

CHARACTERS: 6/10

The distribution of that overall score of "6" is actually as follows:

3 --> Shen Qingqiu

1 --> Shen Jiu

1 --> Luo Binghe + Yue Qingyuan

0.5 --> Liu Qingge

0.5 --> Everybody else

Notice that in the previous section, I barely talk about any other character than Shen Qingqiu? It's not just because he is the main character, but because the other characters are seriously that un-interesting. In fact, I regret to say that personally, I think the characters are this novel's weakest point.

Or to be more precise, the characters' depth.

Shen Qingqiu by himself is a great character. He is calm, logical, knows when and where to put his "omniscient reader" knowledge to good use. He is effortlessly hilarious even if he himself doesn't realize it, but at the same time, despite the mountain of curses he often uses, he is still a good person at heart. I think he is the sole reason that the story could remain interesting until the very end.

But sometimes he is a bit too ideal, almost always having the correct solution and/or countermeasure to every situation even if the plot has changed massively from the original web novel that he knows. Especially when it turns out that he has discovered a way to revive himself after self-destructing at Huayue City, it makes his initially heartbreaking sacrifice less......touching. Because it feels as if he's been scheming this to be freed from the current ordeal, maybe to escape the system, as well.

Furthermore, no matter how much of an expert he was of the "Proud Immortal Demon Way" universe, he still just passed away and was transmigrated into a foreign world. Although the system initially banned him from being OOC, other than some panicky internal monologue, there was almost no trace of him looking distraught when being faced with the unthinkable situation.

Plus, Shen Yuan was different from Airplane Shooting towards the Sky who, even if he were to return to his original world, would have nobody waiting for him. The description of his family was pretty clear. Not only he comes from a well-off household, his family seems to be quite a happy and harmonious one (especially how he used to dote on his younger sister). How come there is not one single moment when he thinks about the family he has left behind and simply carries on with his new life as if nothing happened?

Now Luo Binghe, the second main lead and the one paired with Shen Qingqiu.

Before he fell into the Eternal Abyss, his character actually seems pretty solid. But post-darkening, I don't know why I can't get a good grasp of his character.

The "clingy, crybaby boyfriend" aspect is pretty clear, no complaint there (although the moments of his crying feels too comical for me). Other than that, I don't really feel the "powerful Demon Lord" vibe from him.

Yes, there are descriptions of how powerful he is, how frightening he can be. But it's just not solid enough for me. I understand that he is supposed to be a character with unstable mental, but there are simply not enough part where he is shown to be a proper, powerful Demon Lord because he keeps breaking down each and every single time. The "glass heart maiden" aspect isn't bad, but when it's used in an overly comical way, the character simply loses the charm he's supposed to have.

Even Yue Qingyuan, who's only a minor character, had such a strong charm that slaps you with the biggest plot twist in the whole story when it was revealed (to us, the readers) who he actually is.

Ironically, the original Luo Binghe (Bing-ge) was able to present the character's true image and complexity even if he only appear in less than 10% of the entire story.

And even more ironically, the original Shen Qingqiu a.k.a. Shen Jiu, is probably the most complex character to have ever existed in there (and he only appears in, what, a couple of extra chapters).

(You know what? If MXTX just goes with the original Luo Binghe x Shen Qingqiu, including all of their complexity, I think the development, conflict, and resolution could've been more deep and complex - but yeah, it ain't gonna be "Scum Villain's Self Saving System)

Liu Qingge is okay and actually quite lovable. It's just that I feel it's too easy for him to appear anytime, anywhere there is a problem, as if he's some easy way out.

Other than those I've mentioned above, I literally don't have anything to comment on the other characters because... I don't even know if there's anything to comment. They really come and go just like that and leave no big impression on me.

TECHNICAL ASPECTS: 6/10

This here is basically just some technical things that were a bit unfortunate, because if only they were improved, the story could've been better.

1. The story is clearly written from Shen Qingqiu's point of view, but it will suddenly switch to Luo Binghe's inner thoughts every now and then, making it inconsistent.

2. Description of time and environment. Sometimes it's really difficult to tell in what kind of place the scene is happening, whether it was day or night, whether the characters still remain in the same place or have move elsewhere. Transition when switching locations is also not described enough.

3. As much as I love the story, I feel like it's progressing too fast without any significant crisis. It just ends like that with no massive ordeal or mystery to be solved. I think this is related to Shen Qingqiu's "omniscient reader" point of view because it makes me feel like "hmm yeah, it's just another part of the story, they're going to go through this just fine"

Still, I understand that this is MXTX's first novel. In fact, most of the aforementioned issues (including the characters) have undergone immense improvement in her second novel (MDZS), so I don't think I have anything to worry about.

OVERALL SCORE: 6.3/10

It's worth to read, really. If you just want to enjoy a cool, funny, and cute "isekai" story, I can definitely recommend this. But don't expect some deep philosophical shit, because half of this novel is made of shitpost (I shit you not).

Moral of the story though?

See how market demand kills content creators' freedom and creativity.

Airplane Shooting towards the Sky, the author of the controversial stallion "Proud Immortal Demon Way" literally told Shen Qingqiu at the final chapter of the main story:

He's actually written deep, aesthetic stories before, but they were all unpopular. Only when he wrote this harem novel full of fan-service - disregarding plot depth, plot holes, cheap characterizations - did he finally gain popularity and was able to obtain sufficient income to feed himself.

He was grateful to Shen Qingqiu for "messing" up the plot of his novel, changing it into how it is now, because it allows everything he originally wanted to write - but couldn't - to come true.

In previous chapters, he also said that he actually wanted to make the original Shen Qingqiu into a three-dimensional, more complex characters, but the netizens didn't appreciate it and were complaining instead. Hence he was forced to make the original Shen Qingqiu into a plain old scum villain with no redeeming quality at all - even though in his original script, this character has a complex background that causes his current known personality.

Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua might be talking about it in their usual, funny bantering, but who dares to say that this isn't an issue being faced by almost all content creators in the whole world?

How many content creators have been forced to sacrifice the creativity value and quality of their work in order to satisfy the taste of majority?

How many content creators have been made to revise their works by editors in order to fit into a certain agenda or market trend?

Unless you're a massively popular creator or a powerful individual, chances are you will never have the chance to create a content you truly want to make for a living.

In any case, there may be other authors who are better than MXTX in this world, but I love her works because despite the fictional content, the comedy, the silliness, etc, there are still at least one aspect that reflects the situation of the real, current world, and when you realize it, the realization can be quite a slap to the face like "hey, wait a minute, she's right you know?" See less

[delicioussshame]

This was written with time I 100% did not have and I’m so going to regret wasting it later.

Luo Binghe had always planned to come back for Shen-laoshi.

It’s why he’d chosen to study business in the first place. If he wanted to steal Shen-laoshi away from the job that was stretching so thin he was already close to breaking when Luo Binghe was only a high school student, he needed to make so much money that Shen-laoshi could not say no. If Shen-laoshi were to think, even for a second, that supporting him would weight Luo Binghe down, he would remain a teacher for the rest of his life, Luo Binghe knew it.

Luo Binghe had expected this would take at least a few years, even with the prestigious university degree he only got because Shen-laoshi personally tutored him for so long.

He hadn’t expected the shortcut life had sent his way, but he was not going to ignore it.

“…Binghe? Is that Luo Binghe?”

Luo Binghe feels his stomach drop. Shen-laoshi could never be anything less than stunning, but even his visible joy at seeing Luo Binghe again cannot mask the dull, almost sickly pallor of his skin, or the deep bags under his eyes. As Luo Binghe feared, the terrible school he had attended had eaten Shen-laoshi alive. He’d always known that good intentions wouldn’t be enough to permanently counter chronic lack of funding and colleagues so apathetic they could only be matched by the students, but witnessing it this obviously tears at his heart.

Luo Binghe had never planned a conventional courtship. He’d known since he was fifteen that Shen-laoshi was his soulmate. He didn’t want to wait. If Shen-laoshi were to ask, Luo Binghe would marry him right here and now. The ring he’d gotten for him had been the first major purchase he’d made, once he’d understood he’d never have to restrain himself again.

Saving Shen-laoshi is more important that Luo Binghe’s romantic intentions. He has to take him away from here, as fast as possible. He hadn’t planned on moving this fast, but since summer break is fast approaching… “Does Laoshi knows who Tianlang-Jun was?”

Shen-laoshi blinks at the non-sequitur. They’d been catching up moments ago, and now this? “…Yes?”

“After I graduated from college, I found out I was his only biological son. His only family still alive. He left me everything.”

Shen-laoshi lefts out a polite, unbelieving laugh. “Really? How lucky for you.”

Luo Binghe hands him his phone. Does Shen-laoshi even have a decent phone? The older model he’d used when Luo Binghe was still a student here cannot possibly still work, can it? “You can look it up, if you want to. There were a couple articles about it.”

Luo Binghe stays silent at Shen-laoshi’s face turns astonished, before he gives the phone back. “Wow. Binghe, congratulations! Or should I be offering you my sympathies? You’ve never met him, have you?”

Luo Binghe shakes his head. “That’s not why I told Shen-laoshi this. Laoshi should know that I’m very, very wealthy. I’ve taken over my father’s affairs, and I fully intend on keeping things that way.”

Shen-laoshi blinks, confused. “I’m very happy for you, of course. Binghe deserves it more than anyone, after all the hard work he did to get ahead. But why are you telling me? You must have many friends now. Maybe a lover? You don’t have to hang you with your old teacher anymore.”

“Come home with me.”

Shen-laoshi tilts his head just a little, before gesturing to the mountains of tests he’d surrounded with. “As Binghe knows, the semester is almost over. I have tests to grade.”

Too many to only be his class’. Luo Binghe bets older teachers have left Shen-laoshi their share. Again. Still.

He grits his teeth. He’d chosen to approach Shen-laoshi in July exactly because of this. He’d thought they could get closer during the summer months, and with luck he’d convince Shen-laoshi not to return in September.

September is too far away. “Shen-laoshi shouldn’t waste his valuable time on this! Look at him, so exhausted, so pale, so thin! Has he been eating at all after I stopped bringing him food? Laoshi, your student cannot let this stand! Shen-laoshi needs to stop working. Instead, he can stay with me. I make more than enough to support him!”

He can see Shen-laoshi fluster. “Binghe, what nonsense are you spouting? You can’t just take people in like they’re stray dogs! And I’m perfectly fine! I can take care of myself without having my former student worry about me like I’m a child! Really, Binghe, are you the one working too much? It’s the first time we see each other in years, is this really what you want to say?”

Luo Binghe has never heard more blatant lies. Shen-laoshi couldn’t even meet his eyes as he spoke. He’s on the verge of a breakdown, anyone could see it.

He won’t let this stand. “Shen-laoshi isn’t a child, but I’m not one anymore either. I’ve thought this through. Why do you think I came to visit Laoshi here, at school? I wanted to see if he was doing better, or if he’d moved on from this place, but since it isn’t the case, it’s clear he needs help. Help I’m more than willing to offer, in exchange for all those years he spent tutoring me.”

Shen-laoshi’s voice softens. “Binghe, no. You don’t owe me just because I was doing my job.”

Shen-laoshi wasn’t just doing his job. Even when he met with Luo Binghe at his desk, Luo Binghe had been aware that he sometimes intruded; that Shen-laoshi had pushed back grading or his second job aside to give Luo Binghe, the one interested student he had, the attention he needed to blossom.

No matter what Shen-laoshi says, Luo Binghe owes him the world, and he’ll give it to him. “I want to. Shen-laoshi would stay inside, reading the books he doesn’t have time to read right now and resting until he’s well again. Wouldn’t that be nice? I assure him my home is equipped with any luxury he might need, and if something is missing, I’ll get it for him. All he would have to do is be there for me when I return. That’s not much to ask for, is it?” The work day would be never-ending if it were keeping him away from Shen-laoshi, but it would also be so much more worthwhile. Working to keep his beloved safe and happy would fuel him through each day.

“If Binghe is lonely, he can get a girlfriend! They must be fighting to get at you! Keep your teacher out of it!”

Luo Binghe shakes his head. “I don’t want women. Laoshi is the only one I want in my home and in my bed. As I said, I’m a man now, and I know what I want. Living with me would be so much better for him than,” he gestures to the decrepit teachers’ room, “this. Laoshi has to accept that much.”

Shen-laoshi’s skin is now white as a sheet. He probably finally figured out that Luo Binghe was serious.

Good.

“Binghe really… Do you realise what you just said? Binghe wants… You’re not well. If you prefer… men, that’s perfectly fine. Get a boyfriend who’ll be your equal. Don’t offer to… pay older men to…” The rest of the sentence dies out, Shen-laoshi obviously too distraught to continue.

Distraught, but not disgusted. “I said I wanted Laoshi, not anyone else. I wouldn’t offer such a deal to a stranger. I just want to give back to Shen-laoshi for all he did for me.”

“Binghe has a strange definition of giving back.”

To be honest, Luo Binghe would wire an obscene amount of money in Shen-laoshi’s account each month if he thought for a minute that his former teacher would accept it. He just knows he won’t.

But if he’s his… Shen-laoshi has a reason to accept his generosity, and Luo Binghe has a golden opportunity to demonstrate his devotion. “I have no plans to trap Laoshi in something he doesn’t want. I came to see him because the semester is almost over. How about he comes spend a week at mine, see how he likes it? If it doesn’t suit him, he can go at anytime. I won’t ever restrain his movements. I just think it would be a better deal for both of us. Or does Laoshi doubt me? Have I ever given him a reason to distrust me? I was always a good student, wasn’t I? I can tell Laoshi needs some time to recharge. Some time away from all of this, for him to be taken cared of properly. I would love to provide that time for him.” Luo Binghe advances a bit, and takes Shen-laoshi’s frail, trembling hand in his, closing his own, much warmer, fingers over his gently. “Please?”

Shen-laoshi stares at their joined hands, apparently mystified at the fact that he’s not taking his back.

Luo Binghe is content to wait.

“…This is crazy. I can’t possibly be considering… Binghe, are you certain?”

Luo Binghe has never been more certain of anything. “Yes.”

“…You said just one week?”

To begin with. Luo Binghe has no intention of having him leave after said week. Shen-laoshi will be so thoroughly wooed, he won’t even realise seven days have passed until a month has. “One week.”

Shen-laoshi rubs his temples in a gesture that reveals how much his own existence weights on him. “I must be insane. Who does that? Binghe, who does that? Who do you think I am?”

“My teacher, and the only person I want.” He lets his hold on Shen-laoshi’s hand turn inviting, rubbing with a touch so light Shen-laoshi shivers under its caress. “Think of it as a vacation. Laoshi deserves one. That’s not so strange, is it? A vacation away from everyone and everything, where you only have to think about yourself, for once.”

“And you.”

“And me.” Luo Binghe won’t let Shen-laoshi forget about him, not even when he’s at work.

“Why me?”

“Why not you? Shen-laoshi is beautiful.”

He laughs. It’s a bitter, ugly sound that Luo Binghe instantly hates. “I am not. You said it yourself; I’m tired. I’ve exhausted myself. I look twice my age.”

Luo Binghe rolls his eyes. He’s never heard anything more ridiculous. “You do not. Laoshi barely looks older than I.”

Luo Binghe thought Shen-laoshi would keep on arguing. He could go on for hours, when Luo Binghe got him in the right move. His anger had been captivating, as a child. Luo Binghe had dreamed of creating such passion in him.

He might have a chance to, now.

Instead, Shen-laoshi is vanquished by the years of overwork. Luo Binghe can tell. It’s not his proposal that seems rational, or Luo Binghe himself that’s too appealing; it’s, as he expected, this revolting environment that Shen-laoshi wants to escape from for a moment, even if the only way to do so is by running in Luo Binghe’s arms. “Fine. If Binghe wants to do something as stupid as taking his old teacher as a charge, he can do it, as long as he doesn’t expect much. I don’t have anything left to offer.”

More nonsense. Shen-laoshi, tired to the core and depleted as he is, has more to offer than the prettiest of the heiresses who tried their hands at him.

Luo Binghe gives him a card, folding his fingers over the thick paper. “My address. Shen-laoshi should come on the first Sunday after the term has ended. I’ll be here to welcome him properly. And I won’t let him forget. If he doesn’t show up, I’ll come pick him up. He can pack, or he can bring nothing; either way, I’ll provide anything he needs.”

Shen-laoshi’s fingers twitch over the paper before he pockets it. “I see. I’ll do as Binghe says, then, and come visit him on Sunday, unless he gets his senses back and takes back his offer, in which case, he should call to say so.”

As if. “Shen-laoshi shouldn’t count on it.”

Shen-laoshi sighs. “I’m starting to understand that.”

By the end of the week, Luo Binghe will make sure Shen-laoshi knows down to his bones that when it comes to his teacher, Luo Binghe’s senses have left him long ago. “I’ll be waiting, then.”

[touchmycoat]

LOL when you said Hero my brain said noooooooooooooo cuz they all died dammit but then you said jmbnh and I perked up considerably :P. That sounds really really cool!!!

YEAH YOU GOT IT LMFAO. i'm gonna try to actually execute this (I hope), so i'm gonna slap the rough first outline under a cut for those who don't want spoilers ;) ;) but you already know where i'm going with this lolololol

Act I: Did you know the Xiu Ya Sword and the Broken Sword were lovers?

The Warrior is brought before the Emperor. Upon presenting the broken Cheng Luan sword, he is allowed to approach within 20 paces. "Did you kill him?" "No. Your Venerable Majesty's decree may have been dead or alive, but all warriors on the jianghu know it's the Emperor's wish to kill the Cheng Luan Sword personally." "Very good. Bring him before me." "Your Venerable Majesty, the Cheng Luan Sword Liu Qingge has escaped his bounds and is on the run." "No matter, Your Majesty, he will come here." "Oh? Why is that?" "Because the only two men to have bested him are here, and his sword lies broken between us."

The Emperor laughs, joyous.

"Very good! But Cheng Luan is not all you brought."

Xiu Ya and the broken Xuan Su swords. The Warrior is allowed to approach within 10 paces.

"How did you do it?"

"Did Your Venerable Majesty know the Xiu Ya Sword and the Broken Sword are lovers?"

-Red-

We get the heavily saturated story of the Warrior going to the Qiong Ding School of Calligraphy. He begs a character: 心, heart. He does so to figure out the Broken Sword's strength, because swordsmanship is embodied in calligraphy. He also fights side-by-side with Xiu Ya Sword, fending off the Emperor's attempt to be rid of the assassins. He gains enough cred from Shen Qingqiu to beg an audience with both Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan.

There the Warrior tells them that Liu Qingge is dead, and that LQG had been confident that YQY, with whom he'd had a one night stand, will avenge him. It's the Warrior's honor to come challenge YQY now. In a fit of jealous rage, SQQ stabs and kills YQY, then goes to battle the Warrior himself. Distraught by emotions, SQQ falls, and the Warrior walks away the victor.

Back in the Palace, the Emperor listens. He says he did know, yes, that the Xiu Ya Sword and the Broken Sword are lovers, but doesn't the Warrior think he's underestimated somebody in this equation? "Whom?" "Me. I've met Yue Qingyuan once, three years ago when he and Shen Qingqiu tried to assassinate me. Even then I could see his complete devotion to SQQ. He would never sleep with anybody else, not if SQQ is still at his side. So everything you said is a lie, except for one thing." "What?" "I think the Cheng Luan sword did know one of you, but I think the one he knew was you."

Act II: I think the Cheng Luan Sword trusted you.

"I think you, Liu Qingge, Shen Qingqiu, and Yue Qingyuan all colluded in order to get you within ten steps of me."

-Blue-

Despite imperial witnesses, Liu Qingge successfully faked his own defeat at the Warrior's blade. The Warrior carried and bound LQG himself. Then the Warrior brings his proposal to SQQ and YQY—he has a killing move as long as he gets within ten steps of the Emperor, so he only needs one of their blood on his hands. SQQ wounds YQY to keep YQY at home and makes himself the sacrifice. YQY does not make it in time to save SQQ but gives the broken Xuan Su to the Warrior anyways, because Xiu Ya and Xuan Su, just like their masters, should always stay together.

"You also gave LQG a way out. All of this is to get within ten steps of me. And now you're here. Tell me, am I wrong?"

"...Only about one thing. Your Majesty has also underestimated somebody."

"Who?"

"The Broken Sword."

Act III: The Broken Sword says you must not be killed.

-White-

Nobody was ever in actual danger. The Warrior did not kill LQG. He also will not kill SQQ or YQY. They only need to fake it for the imperial witnesses.

Only, the Broken Sword says the Emperor must not be killed. Xiu Ya Sword is furious—"You know what he's done to me and my country, yet you let him go three years ago and you'd let him go now. Why?!" But YQY will not say. SQQ vows to help the Warrior and stabs YQY to keep him out of their way.

But as the Warrior heads to the Capital, YQY also gives him Xuan Su. "Do you know why my blade is broken?" "No." "Neither do I. I've never wondered, either, but three years ago, when my blade nicked the Emperor's neck, Xuan Su suddenly sent me a warning."

"A warning about what?"

"A warning that I'll find out. I'll find out what broke my blade if I kill the Emperor, and that's something I want to remain ignorant of no matter the cost. Can you understand that feeling?"

"...Yes, I can."

"Who would have thought, of all the people in the world, it's the Broken Sword who understands me best? You understand it too? Tell me the feeling," the Emperor demands. "What is the thing you don't know, but the thought of knowing it terrifies you?"

"I know I must kill the Emperor," the Warrior states. "I know that he is a tyrant, and he runs a bloody world. I know I must kill him to save us all. What I don't know is why my heart breaks at the thought."

"You know you sound just like a man I used to know," the Emperor sneers. "He too criticized my methods. He too despised me. He too hurt at the thought of hurting me. Do you know why Liu Qingge must die by my hands?"

LQG steps out of the shadows, wounded but ready to kill.

"Because the Cheng Luan Sword took that man from me," the Emperor snarls, pulling his blade.

LQG approaches.

"Pass me Cheng Luan," he tells the Warrior. The Warrior grabs Cheng Luan, but hesitates in the throw. "Shen—!"

The Emperor runs him through. LQG falls dead at their feet. There are less than ten steps between them and the Emperor can kill the Warrior in just as easy a stroke. The Emperor does not.

"Who," the Warrior asks slowly, eyes on the fallen LQG, "is the man you used to know?"

"I don't know."

"I think I do. I think by coming here, I've learned the reason for my heartache."

"I think I have too. I wish you hadn't come. Will you still kill me, Shizun?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do. This is something you've always known."

"...Yes, Your Majesty, I will."

The Emperor takes a deep, shaky breath.

"You didn't let Liu Qingge kill me."

"That's because he couldn't have," the Warrior says sadly. "Only I know how to kill you."

"Well I won't let you!" the Emperor snarls, furious. "I'll cut off your arms so you can never wield a sword again and your legs so you can never run again! You've left me once, I won't let you do it again!"

"Binghe."

The Emperor's eyes go wide, then red. He turns on his heel and takes less than ten steps away. His sword is still in the Warrior's hand.

"This character," he says of the scroll hung behind his seat, the one on which YQY has written heart, "holds the secret to his sword. Is that what you said, Shizun?"

"Yes."

"So many people want to kill me, Shizun. I know why. This too is something I've always known," Luo Binghe says quietly. "What's curious is why there is a man who doesn't want me dead, when my own Shizun will suffer heartbreak itself to kill me. Have you figured it out?"

"Not quite."

"May this disciple examine it?"

"...Of course."

He examines the character for a very long time.

"I see it now!" the Emperor exclaims. "As the Broken Sword understands me, I understand him. In my tyranny, I am strong. I am the only person strong enough to keep this country together. As long as I am alive, his world will keep going. His sword, his brush, his heart—it's all one in the same. It's all right here. Destroy one, you destroy the others."

"When you die, he will die too."

"No, Shizun." Luo Binghe's voice is so, so sad. "When I die, his heart will die too. It's the same for this disciple too. Killing me may bring Shizun heartbreak, but it will destroy my heart completely. Shizun, please. Please don't kill me."

"Turn around, Binghe."

When Luo Binghe turns, Shen Yuan has set LQG's corpse on its back and placed Cheng Luan in LQG's hands. His smile for LBH is sad.

"If you hadn't killed Liu Qingge, I really might have spared you," Shen Yuan says, wielding LBH's sword. "But now that he's gone...Binghe, this Master is sorry to have failed you. But I promise, it'll all be fine. The pain will go away quickly."

"Shizun..."

The sword is at LBH's chest. He thinks that even though it's his sword, he doesn't recognize it at all.

Shen Yuan wipes a tear from LBH's face.

"Binghe," he says, lifting the blade, "silly child. I wouldn't have stabbed you from the back."

He sinks the blade into Luo Binghe's heart. Everything shatters.

//

"Senior Disciple Shen!"

"It's self-destruct!"

"He's killed him! Luo Binghe's killed Senior Disciple Shen!"

Shen Qingqiu's head snaps up to where, in the sky, Shen Yuan's limp body had started to fall. He moves on instinct to go catch Shen Yuan, but he coughs up a violent fit of blood instead, falling back into Yue Qingyuan's arms.

"Xiao Jiu!" There's blood on Yue Qingyuan's lips as well and his face is ashen, but he's clearly been awake for longer than SQQ. "Don't—"

"Save him!" SQQ tries to yell. All of a sudden, a shadow speeds over their heads, catching Shen Yuan's limp body before it could hit the ground.

It's Liu Qingge. He's both furious and panicked. He has the dying Shen Yuan in one arm while in his other arm, he held another body.

"Up," Shen Yuan whispers, fading quickly, "Binghe. Quick, he's waking."

"Take care of yourself first!" Liu Qingge snaps. "I brought the body like you said—"

"Shixiong, please. I promised not to hurt him."

Teeth gritted, LQG launches them all the way up to the center of a miasmic black, where LBH hovers, surrounded by demonic energy. There's an immense blanket of demonic energy lifting from the earth, and people are screaming and running about.

"What's going on?! Where did all this demonic energy come from?!"

"Is he cursing us?!"

"No, no it's going away! Look! Senior Disciple Shen must have done something!"

"Has he saved us?"

LBH's eyes snap open and the first thing he does is attack. LQG just barely blocks the blow with both his arms occupied. There are tears on LBH's face and he's putting out an insane amount of demonic energy. He's screaming as he launches himself at Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan grabs LBH back with the last of his strength, gives LBH a firm but loving shake.

"Binghe!" he demands. "Watch."

LBH freezes and does as he's told. He watches as the last bit of life drains from Shen Yuan's body. He watches as LQG releases Shen Yuan's corpse into his arms. He watches as something goes white at his side, and it's LQG activating an array on the other body.

LBH watches as the pieces of SY's soul find a home again in the second body, which suddenly pulses bright with spiritual power. The body opens its eyes and takes a huge, gasping breath.

"Shen Yuan?" LQG demands to know.

"Shizun...?"

The person in the body lets out a little sigh of relief. He grabs LQG with one hand and LBH with the other.

"See, Binghe?" he chuckles weakly. "I told you it'll all be fine."

He faints.

//

The full story comes at the end. Shen Jiu still gets taken in and abused by Qiu Jianluo, Yue Qi still binds his life to his sword at Cang Qiong. Only, SJ's first strike against QJL mostly misses, and as QJL approaches SJ in fury, another little houseboy—the one who dusts and sweeps and mops but none of the hard work because he was born with a sickly body—holds out his broom and trips QJL. He means for SJ to get away, but SJ kills QJL instead. SJ still sets the house on fire, but he has no idea if the other houseboy got away.

After reuniting with YQY and entering Cang Qiong as a disciple, SJ is working in the field one day when he stumbles on a Master Shang's Medical Emporium. There's an incredible amount of rare flora and fauna in there, all great for cultivators. Intrigued, SQQ investigates and finds the source of all these goods to be a young man named SY—whom he recognizes. He swears SY to secrecy about his past and takes SY to Qing Jing, first to prevent SY from exposing him, but then they grow close. SY is very clever and knows how to make himself useful to SQQ. His level-headedness earns him a spot by seventeen at SQQ's side as senior disciple.

Flash forward to LBH's arrival on Qing Jing. SQQ is still cold and spiteful and petty, but with SY there, LBH is cared for. SY's older than LBH by what, five years? Takes baby!bing under his wing and mitigates the sour relationship between LBH and SQQ. As a joke (but not really), LBH calls SY "Shizun" in private, and SY gets a real kick out of it.

The thing is, SY is still totally a transmigrator. But just like Shang Qinghua, he transmigrated into a baby's body and basically had a whole other life in this world. Seventeen, eighteen years is a very long time to remember a novel you read a lifetime ago. While SQH's life changed, SQH's only a minor character—plus that's the author! Maybe he gets special privileges, while nobody else is allowed to influence the plot in a major way. Scared of potential repercussions, SY trains LBH and gives LBH as many resources on Qing Jing as he can, but does not tell LBH about the upcoming Abyss.

So SQQ still ends up kicking LBH into the Abyss. SY is filled with incredible regret. The relationship between him and SQQ go kind of awry too, but it's still mostly okay because SY knows LBH is not actually dead.

Just to level the playing field though, SY also doesn't tell SQQ that LBH is going to come back for revenge.

All this while, SY and LQG get to meet and become really good friends. Out of friendship comes love—they both crush on each other in a way that's super obvious to everybody else. SY isn't actually a very strong cultivator, but he is a voracious scholar (cough nerd cough) and hunts/forages a lot of wild stuff. LQG accompanies him every time.

Thanks to SY's training, LBH comes back from the Abyss a lot earlier than SY and SQH expected. LBH seeks out SY, but bad timing has him overhearing SY talk about how LBH dying at the Abyss was for the best—LBH assumes it's bc of his demon bloodline, but SY is really just placating other characters. On top of that, LBH finds SY and LQG all couply and lovey-dovey. LBH runs off.

Because why??? Why does everyone he cares about leave him, why does the entire world want him dead??? Even Shen-shixiong, somebody who cared for him, betrays him in the end. SQQ also gets word of LBH's return at around the same time and comes to hunt him down. In classic SQQ fashion, he only makes shit worse for Binghe, and LBH starts using Xin Mo like crazy.

When they get the word, YQY, SY, and LQG go running. SY learns about LBH being taken over by Xin Mo and asks LQG for a favor—go to my hidden lil mushroom grove and grab my spare body for me please? See, SY's physical ailments had him researching ways to clone himself and put himself in a better body. It's untested, but probably successful!! SY sends LQG to go get the body while himself and YQY and SQQ confront LBH.

During the battle, SQQ gets himself seriously wounded to protect Qi-ge. In a fit of fury, YQY unsheathes half of Xuan Su. LBH goes crazier as a response, and SY throws himself on the sword to save LBH from being eaten up by Xin Mo's power.

Believing he's killed the love of his life, LBH blue-screens. Unconsciously, he activates one of the most powerful skills the Dream Demon's taught him—Waking Dream. He plunges the entire mountain into a dream world of his own making. The world freezes, and everybody gets trapped inside LBH's world. They have no memory of this being a dream, but the few of the most powerful cultivators—LQG, SQQ, and YQY—plus the heart of the dream, SY, all manage to retain one critical piece of information.

As long as the owner of the dream dies, they can all be freed.

So in the dream, LBH becomes the Emperor, wielding all his forces to retain his power over his dream country. LQG, SQQ, YQY, and SY become assassins, all scheming to kill him.

YQY came the closest. He only has half of Xuan Su because Xuan Su is fundamentally bound to his life—half of the sword stayed outside in the real world with his body. Inside the dream, YQY and SQQ got to be lovers for years, and SQQ did not hate him. Upon sensing the boundaries of the dream, YQY could not bring himself to kill LBH and shatter the beautiful mirage.

If you die inside the dream, you die in real life—with one exception. If it's the owner of the dream who kills you, you get to go free.

That's what happened with LQG. LQG was still en route with the body, and SY didn't know if he'd make it. So SY was honest in the dream—had LQG remained in the dream with them, SY might really have allowed his baby bing to keep the dream going. He didn't want to hurt LBH with his own death. However, with LQG out of the dream, he knows LQG will probably make it on time with the body to save him. So he kills LBH and gets them all out.

The last scene is qijiu. SQQ is bed-bound. Nobody else has retained memories of the dream, only faint impressions. Only he and YQY know what happened.

SQQ demands to know why YQY refused to kill LBH. YQY explains, and the truth about Xuan Su also comes out. Happy ending happy ending.

SY of course survives. He gets a cool new body and apologizes sincerely for letting LBH get pushed into the Abyss. The plot has obviously changed in a major way already, and whatever happens from now on will just happen, it's fine. And LBH and LQG, his two favorite people in the world, will just have to get along. They'll all be best buds together hahahahahaha.

[delicioussshame]

I’ve pretty much stopped posting completed fics here, but for my new followers, here is the other fic I had written for LiuShen Week.

You can find all the other stuff I’ve written on AO3.

Shen Qingqiu cannot help but startle when Li Qingge storms into his house. Even for Bai Zhan Peak’s master, this is incredibly rude. He’s about to chastise him for his unseemly demeanour when his shidi turns towards him, and he looks so distraught Shen Qingqiu’s own composure falters. “Liu-shidi, what…”

He cannot finish his sentence. His breath is stolen away by Liu Qingge’s violent embrace, all of his speed and force focused on holding him and keeping him there. Even if he wanted, he doesn’t think he could free himself from the arm tightly wrapped around his waist, or the hand pressing his head into Liu Qingge’s neck. All he can feel is the tremors coursing through Liu Qingge’s frame.

To say Shen Qingqiu is shaken would be an understatement. What could have rattled Liu Qingge of all people so badly? “Shidi, what happened.”

Liu Qingge’s embrace tightens even further, if that’s possible. Shen Qingqiu soon won’t be able to breathe anymore if he doesn’t let go. “Shidi, let this shixiong help. Tell me happened to trouble you so.”

Liu Qingge lets out a shaky exhalation. Shen Qingqiu waits.

“He’s better off dead.”

Shen Qingqiu feels himself grow cold in an instant. What did he just say? Did he just dare…

But Liu Qingge frees his head to look at him straight in the eyes. His obvious distress, so foreign on the beautiful face more suited to anger, is so striking Shen Qingqiu wills himself to listen.

“Trust me, he is.”

Shen Qingqiu hears the conviction in his voice, and for a moment, he believes him.

________________

“Are you certain this is your wish?”

“I am.”

The girl, if one could call it that, throws a searing glance at him but nods in agreement. “So be it. I hope this will bring you happiness.” She doesn’t look like she believes it will.

Liu Qingge’s happiness is irrelevant. Or, if not irrelevant, then secondary. Shen Qingqiu’s happiness is what he needs. If Shen Qingqiu’s grief can be lifted, then everything that matters will follow suit.

________________

When Liu Qingge regains consciousness, he finds himself standing on a battlefield, beside what must be the Endless Abyss.

Good.

He looks, and sure enough, here are Shang Qinghua (unimportant, already unconscious), Shen Qingqiu’s presumptuous disciple, Luo Binghe (still alive and well, good) and Shen Qingqiu (not burdened by grief, not yet, only wary and ready to fight, perfect). The demon lord standing nearby must be the one who took Luo Binghe’s life. Nothing else close by could have defeated Shen Qingqiu (or his hangers-on).

Defeating demons is what Liu Qingge excels at. This one is strong. Probably too strong for Shen Qingqiu, never mind his student. His kind doesn’t usually just wander into the human realm. He must be here for a reason. Maybe he is the commander of this whole operation.

Liu Qingge doesn’t care what his reason is. Demons have no place here. It’s his duty to destroy it before it can cause even more damage. “You two, don’t move. I’ll take care of this.”

“Liu-shidi, where did you even come from? There are disciples from other sects who need your help, don’t bother with us. I can handle him.”

Liu Qingge snorts. “No you can’t. Don’t move, you’ll be in my way.”

“Liu-shidi, I don’t think-“

Liu Qingge shuts him out and charges. He can listen to Shen Qingqiu babble later, when they’re all safe.

The fight is tough. In another place, in another time, he might have enjoyed the challenge. Here and now, he doesn’t have that luxury. Shen Qingqiu’s well-being is on the line.

He finally manages to deal what, on anyone else, would have been a killing blow. The demon staggers back a few steps, and sensing he won’t win this, pops back into the Abyss, which he closes after himself, probably to escape pursue.

Liu Qingge’s priorities instantly change. Luo Binghe… has been waiting by Shen Qingqiu’s side. Both are safe. Both will be coming home with him.

He will never have to face Shen Qingqiu’s grief again.

“Shizun? Shizun, is there something wrong? Shizun!? SHIZUN!”

“What! What is it?” But he doesn’t need to ask. He can see from the way Luo Binghe is shaking Shen Qingqiu’s limp, unresponsive body that something went horribly wrong. “Did he faint?”

Luo Binghe is crying, completely panicked. “I don’t know! He has no pulse! He’s not breathing! He was fine, and then he dropped! He’s not responding to anything! Liu-shishu, what do we do!?”

Liu Qingge’s blood turns cold. “Let’s take him to Mu Qingfang. He’ll know what to do.”

But as soon as he takes Shen Qingqiu’s body in his arms, he knows. There is no life left in him.

Shen Qingqiu is dead.

________________

“I don’t know what to tell you. There’s nothing wrong with his body. It’s like his soul just left. My best guess is that this demon lord you fought managed to unleash some sort of demonic skill that killed him instantly.”

“There must be something we can do! Shizun can’t be dead!”

Liu Qingge stays silent. If Mu Qingfang says nothing can be done, then nothing can be done. No matter how much Luo Binghe cries and wails and pulls at him uselessly, death is final.

________________

He hears Luo Binghe’s cries in his dream, background noises to accompany Shen Qingqiu’s cooling skin as Liu Qingge carries his body to his final rest, under the sword monument he had first erected for his student.

________________

If Liu Qingge had found Qing Jing Peak unpleasant to visit when Luo Binghe had died, it is now unbearable. All the disciples are openly crying or red-eyed, supporting their devastated colleagues.  There are no lessons, no training, no music. Shen Qingqiu’s first disciple is in no state to lead the peak. He is too busy always getting into fights with Luo Binghe.

Well, getting into fights at Luo Binghe. He’s been mostly unresponsive since Shen Qingqiu’s death. He wouldn’t even think of trying to defend himself, not when he feels responsible for it.

Of course Luo Binghe thinks he’s the reason Shen Qingqiu died. His master came to save him, after all.

Liu Qingge would tell him he was wrong if he thought he could convince him. Liu Qingge is the only one that has to bear this sin. He is the reason why the bamboo house has been left empty. Neither Luo Binghe nor Shen Qingqiu will ever step into it again. It has been left abandoned. Liu Qingge will never return a lost fan there again, or drink tea while Shen Qingqiu whines about how unappreciative he is of the brew, or try to get him to discipline his unruly pupil, or to take him to a quest, or, or…

Liu Qingge leaves the peak.

He doesn’t come back.

________________

“Bai Zhan Peak would take you.” It’s not his peak’s way to recruit, but Liu Qingge owes Shen Qingqiu this much. Surely his last wish must have been for Luo Binghe to be well. Contributing to fulfilling said last wish would be the least he could do.

“The sect leader offered me the same thing. Thank you, Liu-shishu, but I cannot stay. Please take care of Shizun’s grave for me.”

Liu Qingge understands. There is nothing tying Luo Binghe to the sect now. His bonds to his fellow disciples have been severed by him causing their master’s death, no matter how undeserved this punishment is. Everything on Qing Jing Peak must be a reminder of his shizun. To others, he himself is a constant painful memento of the man he was always following.

There is no joy left for him here.

Maybe this is why they couldn’t be a relief to one another. Where others could have found comfort in sharing pain, all Liu Qingge can see when he looks at Luo Binghe is the result of his failure. A bad trade-off, through no fault of Luo Binghe. He knows he could have done more to soothe his hurt, but he couldn’t get himself to, not even for Shen Qingqiu’s sake.

So Liu Qingge just looks at him leave the sect despite the pleas of that one female disciple, the one that stayed fond of him when everyone else turned on him.

Liu Qingge pities her. One is already too much, but she lost both of them.

He doesn’t know how she can handle it.

________________

Things settle. They always do. The routine of the sect reinstates itself.

From what he hears, Qing Jing Peak is still gloomy. Ming Fan has taken over its daily operations without too much trouble, but there is still no laughter. The disciples are still sombre, all too aware of the irreplaceable presence that’s missing.

The sect leader is functioning, but only functioning. Something in him died along with Shen Qingqiu, and his mood reflects on all the peak leaders, even those who were never fond of the deceased. The peak lords meetings have never been something he looked forward too, but now they’re torture. This, too, is the result of his actions.

Liu Qingge cannot blame the sect leader for his apathy. He doesn’t know what link he and Shen Qingqiu had always shared, but he knew of it. If he had known what was going to happen, he would have asked Shen Qingqiu about it. Maybe he would have explained this much wondered about mystery. If he had known Shen Qingqiu was going to die, he would have…

Let him be honest. If he had known, Shen Qingqiu’s death wouldn’t have been the first time he would have allowed himself to hold him. If he had known Shen Qingqiu was going to die, he would have gone to see him more often. He would have stayed by his side as often as he could. He would have found a way, a real way, to help him deal with his grief.

He would have told him how he felt about him. How agonising seeing Shen Qingqiu refuse to accept Luo Binghe’s disappearance was. How all he wanted was to be his support. How, if Shen Qingqiu would let him, he would do anything to fill the void Luo Binghe left. He knows that he could never replace him, but he could be there.

If Shen Qingqiu would let him, he would take him into his arm, just to feel him alive. He would kiss him, to know the feeling of his lips against his. He would share his bed, to wipe away the hurt and the memories for a little while, to steal Shen Qingqiu away and have him all to himself until the first rays of the sun dragged them back to reality.

If he had known.

________________

He stares at his disciple, frozen. “Shizun?”

“Go away.” There’s a growl in his voice he is unused to hear.

The disciple doesn’t have to be told twice.

The quest. The mission, the monster, the girl. He is, after all, in the past. The monster he had been asked to exterminate hasn’t been defeated yet. The spirit, hiding overwhelming capacities under the guise of a little girl, hasn’t been freed yet.

Liu Qingge hasn’t made a wish yet.

________________

“Are you happy?”

Liu Qingge almost laughs to her face. Which part of him looks like he’s happy? “No.”

She tuts. Liu Qingge wants to strangle her. “Undo it.”

She looks at him. Or she looks through him like he’s so much air. He can’t tell. He doesn’t care. “Will this make you happy?”

Whatever happens, he will be happier than he is now, alone and a murderer. “Yes.”

She stares on and on, until all he can see is that dead stare.

________________

He thought he would return to the Conference, and have to deal with Shen Qingqiu trying to keep it together again. In his moments of weakness, he’d wondered if having to face Shen Qingqiu grieving all over again would be his penance.

But he wakes up in his own room on his peak.

A second later, he’s flying to Qing Jing Peak, uncaring of the darkness surrounding him. When is he? Is it too late? Is he back to a sect where Shen Qingqiu is dead?

He becomes less frantic when he spots the sword monument. If Luo Binghe died, then surely…

He cannot reach the bamboo house soon enough.

________________

“Trust me, he is.”

Even Shen Qingqiu’s blatant confusion is a balm to his soul. Trust the man not to fly in a rage even when confronted with such a provocative statement.

Even if he had angered, if he’d thrown punches and kicks and insults, Liu Qingge would have happily taken it all. He’s alive he’s alive he’s alive is still all he can process. Under his hands isn’t a cool body but living flesh and blood, warm, warmer than anything he has ever felt.

“Liu-shidi, you have to explain.”

Shen Qingqiu cannot understand, but he has to know. “You were dead. I tried to save him, but you just died instead.”

Shen Qingqiu freezes under him. “What? Liu-shidi, what are you talking about? I’m alive. I’m here. Did you have a nightmare? Ah, that must have been it. Some creatures can create very realistic illusions. Maybe you were the prey of such a beast. Here, let me check if something is wrong.”

Shen Qingqiu takes the hand that was resting on his hip and presses two digits to his wrist, checking on his spiritual energy. They’re barely touching, but since Shen Qingqiu initiated the gesture it’s almost too much for a parched man like Liu Qingge.

“Nothing seems wrong. Do you want to go see Mu-shidi?”

“No. I’m fine.” He has everything he needs right here.

Without his conscious knowledge, the arm Shen Qingqiu had just freed himself from has found his way around his waist again, pressing them together.

“Um, Liu-shidi, if you could let me go…”

Liu Qingge just holds on tighter.

Shen Qingqiu sighs.

And… pats his head? “Really, to be so scared by a nightmare. Liu-shidi isn’t one of my disciples. I shouldn’t have to coddle him like I do Binghe.”

He seems to realise what he just said just a few moments after. “Ah…”

He’s right. Liu Qingge of all people shouldn’t be coddled. Didn’t he tell himself that if he had a chance, he would take the first step? That he would tell Shen Qingqiu the truth?

“It’s okay if you miss him.” Liu Qingge himself is now too familiar with the feeling.

“It’s not that…”

“It is. You miss him. That’s fine. You loved him, after all.”

There’s tension resting against him. “I what?”

“You loved him. Dearly. Losing someone you love hurts.”

Shen Qingqiu blushes. Liu Qingge tries not to be mesmerised by the sight. “What are you talking about? I didn’t…”

“You did. He was your favourite student. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Before, he would have said he couldn’t understand, but now… Everything about Shen Qingqiu’s situation is too familiar for comfort.

“You think I… Really?”

Liu Qingge just looks at him.

“Well, I supposed Shidi must know what he’s talking about, since the prospect of this shixiong dying shocked him so badly. He must be quite fond of me too.”

He recognises the attempt at teasing, to defuse the situation and have him push Shen Qingqiu away. He can’t say Shen Qingqiu missed the mark completely, he is a bit flustered, but he did promise himself he would be more honest, this time around. Second chances are rare. Third chances are a mirage he can’t afford to waste. “Yes, I am.” To punctuate his words, his free hand runs softly over Shen Qingqiu’s hair, already unbound for the night.

It’s just as fine as he’d always imagined.

“...Shidi.”

Shen Qingqiu’s hair really is as soft as silk.

He wonders if the strand he’s holding would feel as soft against his lips.

It is.

“Shidi!”

Liu Qingge lets the strand escape, but not without enjoying the caress each hair leaves while trailing on his skin.

The unease he tried to keep at bay returns in full force. That was forward, probably too forward for the night. He doesn’t regret it, not really, but he shouldn’t have. “I pushed. Forgive me.” He didn’t want to discomfort Shen Qingqiu. He never wants to.

“You… pushed?”

Liu Qingge frowns. Didn’t he make his intention clear? Does Shen Qingqiu just let anyone play with his hair like kittens with strings?

He pushes the jealousy back. He’s being ridiculous. “I was being forward.”

“Forward.”

Is Shen Qingqiu just going to repeat everything he says in that deadpan tone? “Yes.”

He seems so puzzled. A tiny, often unused part of Liu Qingge wants to classify him as cute.

Then again, this is the man who couldn’t figure out he loved his student without being told, even after having mourned him for months if not years. He must be quite blind.

To be fair, he didn’t have the benefit of having relived the same events multiple times.

This is going to demand more.

He did tell himself he would kiss him if he ever got the chance.

“Oh” is what Shen Qingqiu has to say.

“Oh” is what he says again a few moments later.

As reluctant as he is to release Shen Qingqiu from his embrace, he has overstayed his welcome. It is now Shen Qingqiu’s time to make choices.

Liu Qingge starts feeling cold the moment they stop touching, and his heart starts beating too fast, but he marches on. “Since you’re well, I will take my leave.”

“Shidi!”

Liu Qingge turns towards him, hand already resting on the door. “Yes.”

Shen Qingqiu caught in the thrall of embarrassment is an unexpectedly fetching spectacle. He won’t meet Liu Qingge’s eyes, and his skin is still flushed a pretty shade of red, but he still manages to speak. “This shixiong… is fond of you too. Goodbye!” And he’s pushed outside.

The night outside is chilly, but Liu Qingge still feels warm were Shen Qingqiu’s hands pressed against his back.

He suspects he will feel so for a long time.