#lund sisters

[godofalgebra]

Lund sisters

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[revacholianpizzaagenda]

Nuclear hot take on a possible motive for the Lund sisters. We know what they did (erase themselves from history) and we know they wanted to do it (they knew where they'd end up and were looking forward for Zigi to join them there eventually), but why?

It starts from the infamous "Luiga says that he and Kurvitz say that a certain forum post is is correct in positing that Dora is, somehow and to some degree, actually Dolores Dei herself". Specifically, the post says that there was a human Dora who was overtaken by something like an archetype and lost herself into being Dolores Dei.

As a secondary premise, it is possible that Noid was literally right when he suspected Dolores Dei in particular of being somehow not entirely human, an immortal of some kind: in the final dream, she mentions the something or something else of immortality, crown scepter and thingamajig that were "passed onto her by the rulers of late antiquity". She just might have already been around in Perikarnassis' time, before the isolas split. Like, separate from the Dora thing, the game tells us that Dolores Dei was chummy with the rulers of late antiquity, a good few thousand years before her historical relevance.

My impression is that this same... potential for being Dolores Dei... ...somehow... is shared by the Lund girls. Source:

similar if not outright same surname (after all, Jean lampshades twice that he's not sure about Ingerlund being Dora's surname, in a way that may hint at some upcoming twist),

the whole peaches of immortality detour (I'll leave the specifics to Estonian speakers but I'm told it's functionally the same as Dora's apricots, to the point that an older pdf had a stray "apricot" instead of peach)

and, most importantly, Zigi's omen of destruction as he meets Charlotte. She's flat out described as having footsteps that spelled the destruction of Iilmaraa, which just so happens to be where Perikarnassis was, bundled with its rulers of late antiquity (I can do the geographical conspiracy board on a separate post if anyone's interested).

I think that Dora meeting Harry and Charlotte meeting Zigi is the beginning of the same story, one that may have been repeating since antiquity if we take this literally as well. Harry and Zigi, too, famously share an archetype of sorts, by virtue of being overt, straightforward Kurvitz expys. We even have the same emphasis on their cool leather jackets. For the middle class girls, this contact outside their gilded world sparks change. But here is where their stories diverge: Dora eventually rejects this change and falls into the comfort of being bourgeoisie incarnate. The Lund sisters, on the other hand, emphatically go "fuck all y'all" and choose to annihilate themselves.

Sooo, based on these totally solid premises that aren't a stretch in any way whatsoever (source: my beautiful mind, also it was revealed to me in a dream, and also fayde dot co dot uk), here's the take:

By virtue of this parallel between them and Dora, I think it's... not completely impossible... that it was precisely this aspect of themselves that they tried to annihilate, maybe subconsciously. A potential they felt was so wrong that they tried to erase it from history entirely, just walking into the pale wouldn't have been enough, it needed to be scrubbed at its root.

[revacholianpizzaagenda]

Yeah I do think there's something to this. Same starting point, inverted character arcs. Dora pushing back at first but eventually subsumed into the bourgeois archetype, the sisters doing Pointedly Not That as per Zigi.

The fact that Ingerlund may not even be Dora's actual surname haunts me btw (the fact that Jean isn't sure of what she was called comes up not once but twice). As a characterization note for Jean I get it but could it be setup? And if so, setup for what?

NONONONO YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME SHE CAN'T BE FROM THE SAME COUNTRY AS THE LUND GIRLS

[yellow-yarrow]

The Hsin-Yao Commune got Nilsened. The one that was in the "Apricot Suzerainty" hmmm

Could be the reason why Dros' brain is"full of holes" because he witnessed things that later got erased - like how the Linoleum Salesman became senile, or how Khan forgot things about the girls, because they got "absolute negated"

[cyborgghost]

Reading Sacred and Terrible Air after playing Disco Elysium gave me whiplash because how differently female characters are handled in each work...

I like Pjõl! But besides the Lund Sisters, the only other female characters are mothers, a failed date, a suicidal opera singer and a teenage lingerie model. They're all secondary and don't have stories of their own. None of them are in positions of power or playing a major role in the lore.

Not to mention, how off-putting the depiction of the sisters is... I know we're supposed to see them through the lens of hormonal teenage boys and obsessive maladapted men but the over sexualization of this young girls makes it such an uncomfortable read.

No wonder these girls wanted to disappear and never be perceived again if this is the inescapable male gaze that follows them!!

The book obviously condemns pedophilia while making not only the antagonists, but many of the main characters pedophilic or something adjacent. It's a prevalent theme in the story. I am aware of that. My critique is that the only purpose of most female characters in this book is pushing this narrative. In other words, they're only there to show how traumatized the main characters are. A lot of male writers are guilty of this, putting young girls in morbid scenarios as a prop for shock value. It feels exploitative and dehumanizing, it could've been handled better.

I'm glad Disco Elysium is different, its characters are multidimensional and have unique personalities and back stories. They have story relevance within their world. This improvement is probably due to all the year of experience between the two artworks. But I don't want to give Kurvitz too much credit (I think this fandom tends to idealize him, partly because they feel sympathy for the whole ZA/UM legal rights situation), he didn't singlehandedly write Disco Elysium. There were many other writing professionals who contributed to the project to make it better than its novel predecessor. (Many of which are working on the new Summer Eternal project, I'm excited for that!)

[gazorninplat]

As much as I love Disco Elysium, I think I was not prepared for Sacred and Terrible Air. Of course, I was expecting to know more about the world of Elysium as a whole, and Robert Kurvitz is a very good writer, but the thesis of the novel (and how it makes its points) flash-banged me.

Disco Elysium this is not, and it wasn’t supposed to be, but I think I can understand better now what the team at ZA/UM was getting at with this specific setting, and these specific narrative angles. Kinda messy, because it’s been a week since I finished it, but here are some things I’d like to highlight: 

1. The pedophilia. I surely wasn’t expecting this to be such a central theme of the novel, but a lot of its main points revolve around it. The most interesting use of this, as a narrative device, is how the girlfriend of Jesper basically accuses him of being a pedophile because he cannot relate to the adults around him. He’s still obsessed with a girl he met when he was 13 years old, and fetishizes a scrunchie he stole from her bag two decades ago. Yeah, I guess Jesper, well into his thirties, is still in love with a 13 year old girl. His girlfriend is almost half his age, and they started dating when she was 15 years old and a lingerie model (!). Zigi mentions how pedophilia was a bougie disease, and well… That idea went right into my thought cabinet (I call it “Bougie Babies for Sale).

Still processing it.

Now, let’s go back to the rest of the main characters. With all this in mind, a pedophilic overtone covers their interest in these four missing girls, but Jasper is the only one who acts on it, sort of. Khan remains in a sort of arrested development (he still uses a shirt he had when he was 13), foregoing normal adult relationships, and Tereesz joins the police as an investigator with the idea of still finding them some day (essentially letting these eternally prepubescent girls define his entire existence), leading him to a very dark path. I wonder if the brutality they afford to the “actual” pedophiles in the story (Vidkun Hird and the Linoleum Salesman) comes from the realization that they are not that different?

2. Obviously, though, this fetishization of the Lund sisters is also a fetishization of the past. The novel states it in the first few pages; they disappeared twenty years ago, in a time that most conservative people remember as the “good old days”. Basically their version of the American Fifties. Now, being obsessed with the past is a running theme in both SaTA and DE, but the angle here is different.

I already said it: the past is not remembered, is fetishized with an almost sexual yearning by a lot of the male characters of the book. They want to be consumed by it (and lucky them! It will) and do nothing more than serve it. It reminds me of a poem by Yamil Nardil Sadek, which, translated to the best of my ability, goes like: 

She awaits me

sitting on the bed,

wearing leather,

and armed to the teeth,

the Memory.

Yeah, that sums up Sacred and Terrible Air pretty well. Everyone is being consumed by the past, bite by bite, and enjoying it. Vidkun Hird, by the mythologized version of his tribe’s history; Sarjan Ambartsumjan, by a miniature ship model that requires constant, devoted thought or else it will disappear, the three main characters by the memory of that summer with the Lund girls. Even the Linoleum Salesman is being haunted and consumed, of sorts, by his sickness and dementia that only sometimes let him take a peek of the past. Beyond that, there are very few characters that do not spend time being followed by relentless ghosts. Literally, in the case of Zigi. Which brings me to…

3. The Pale. It was a really cool concept in Disco Elysium, and it’s an existential nightmare in Sacred and Terrible Air. It always was, really. But here it lets you take a look into it in a way that’s applicable in real life. The Pale is a metaphor for many things, but actually for a single one: A world where our current Capitalist reality facilitates both apathy and yearning for better days, often idealized in our collective pasts.

My favorite scene, one that was incredibly puzzling but so obvious in retrospect, is a beautiful speech by the ghost (?) of Ignus Nilsen to Zigi. I will just paste it here:

“I said terrible things, yes! I stood on a white horse, in a blizzard, and gave speeches. In the mountains, on the construction site… I swung my sword, with silver sunbeams on the hilt. And all around me fluttered white flags, crests of crowned horns made with silver thread, a pentagon between the prongs of the horns, the branches raised to heaven. Everyone who came here with me became happy, Zigi! Communism is powerful! Believe in Communism, it’s a burst of enthusiasm! I promise! It’s beautiful when you believe in a person, but without it…!”

“Without it, there is nothing.”

“Nothing. It was a blizzard, but it was bright, it was morning. Communism is white, it sparkles! Communism is the morning, it is a jubilation!” 

The Pale begins to recede dangerously around the entroponaut.

The fucking Pale recedes with talk of Communism! At first it might appear a little heavy handed (yeah, Communism, by itself, could save the world). But then I got into how Communism could be a solution to the antipathy and chronic nostalgia that sustain Capitalism, and then it hit me. Nilsen, a literal ghost from the past, is talking about a future that could have been. That he wanted to accomplish. That people, probably, can still achieve. The Pale is not eternal, it can be pushed back. Because the Pale seems to subsist on the past, it abhors any talk of the future. A better future. That’s how we solve things, and for a central thesis, is not bad at all.

With that being said, and because I’m just rambling here while pretending I’m working, there are also some things that I just didn’t understand, but maybe it was because of the translation. The original novel is written in a very poetic style, and some of that is still here, but I still need to untangle…

1. The Man. It is said that the day the Lund girls disappeared, they were joined by a mysterious Man that nobody seemed to remember correctly. A character even suspects that she was remembering wrong. Now, the Pale erases people and memories retroactively, so maybe it had something to do with it, but… Who was that? Is there any theory about that Man, or I just missed something? Some scenes and narrations were tough to parse for me (my primary language is not English).

2. Was Malin Lund pregnant? That flash with the fetus was sudden and weird.

3. What was the significance of the three meat piroshkis? They mention that it was unusual that the girls bought them (and if you do the math, you can realize early on that they were not planning to get back home. That purchase didn’t leave them enough money for the bus fare back), but that’s it. Were they for the Man? Also, the narration mentions that Lund girls’ picnic basket contained “the kind of things girls like to eat”, so maybe they were planning to see the boys and bring them the kind of things boys eat? I’m overthinking that? The chapter actually titled “Three Meat Piroshkis” just left me even more confused.

4. I don’t understand how Khan’s pen works at all. The one he brought to the school reunion. That was the part I re-read the most. Anyway, even with that, I loved Sacred and Terrible Air. Definitely one of the most enthralling reads I had, with or without the background of Disco Elysium. I’d still like an official translation that could potentially solve the issues I had, but for now, a Top 10 Book for me.

Go for it now.

[renmorris]

Given that Harry tends to be right about things in all the worst most painful ways. How in PJÕL the Lund sisters seem to be experiencing Dolores as a parasitic thoughtform that they have to scrub themselves from reality to escape from?

I think Harry did this. Not intentionally and maybe not wholly on his own, but I think his love for Dora and his deification summoned whatever Dolores is. First it made her lungs glow. Then it eroded her entirely.

[chokopoppo]

MONSTROUS REGIMENT. // And the new day was a great big fish. [[ Listen on Spotify ]]

Program notes--and spoilers for Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett--below the cut.

1.Children's Work // Dessa

When the wagon tipped, I prayed over your body I asked God to take the damage out on me Ten years later, he finally gets the memo Sent it to accounting and knocked out my front teeth

'She hadn't set out to be an ornithologist. But birds brought Paul alive. All the...slowness in the rest of his thinking became a flash of lightning in the presence of birds. Suddenly he knew their names, habits, and habitats, could whistle their songs, and, after Polly had saved up for a box of paints off a traveler at the inn, had painted a picture of a wren so real you could hear it.'

OR

'...well, yes. She'd heard the song, too. So what? Paul was her brother. She'd always kept an eye on him, even when she was small. Mother was always busy, everyone was always busy at The Duchess, so Polly had become a big sister to a brother fifteen months older than she. She'd taught him to blow his nose, taught him how to form letters, went and found him when crueler boys had got him lost in the woods. Running after Paul was a duty that had become a habit.'

2. Barnacled Warship // Johnny Flynn

Well, I left home three days ago I feel like going to bed Open the courts and a new religion Burning through my head

' "All the good bits in this country are in this tent," said the voice of Wazzer.

'Embarrassed silence descended.'

OR

'Jackrum softened his voice a little when he saw their expressions. "Lads, this is war, understand? He was a soldier, they were soldiers, you are soldiers... more or less. [...] Bury 'em decent and say what prayers you can remember, and hope they've gone back where there's no fighting." '

3. The Railroad // Goodnight, Texas

Run, run, run with the railroad Get out of their sight When the engine turns and you've got to move on Then you've got to move on at night

' "I expect you were glad to leave," was all Polly could say.

' "The basement window was unlocked," said Tonker. '

OR

' "D'you know why we joined up?" said Tonker, red in the face. "To get away! Anything was better than what we had! I've got Lofty and Lofty's got me, and we're sticking with you because there's nothing else for us! [...]"

"Then go!" shouted Polly. "Desert! We won't stop you, because I'm sick of your... your bullshit! But you make up your mind right now, right now, understand?" '

4. Dig Gravedigger Dig // Corb Lund

I asked about ghosts and spirits I asked him if he ever got spooked I asked him if he ever got haunted by souls, But he reckons that he buries them, too.

'The charcoal-burner and his wife were buried to the accompaniment of, to Polly's lack of surprise, a small prayer from Wazzer. [...]

'Wazzer prayed for everyone. Wazzer prayed like a child, eyes screwed up and hands clenched until they were white. The reedy little voice trembled with such belief that Polly felt embarrassed, and then ashamed, and, finally, after the ringing "amen", amazed that the world appeared no different than before. For a minute or two, it had been a better place...'

5. You're Dead // Norma Tanega

Don't ever talk with your eyes Be sure that you compromise You're dead, you're dead, you're dead You're dead and out of this world

' "Why do you smoke? It's not very... vampire, really."

' "Well, I'm not supposed to be very vampire," said Maladict, lighting up with a shaking hand. "It's the sucking. I need it. I'm on edge. I'm getting the no-coffee jitters. [...]"

' "We've got plenty of tea--" Polly began.

' "You don't understand! This is about... craving. You never stop craving, you just switch it to something that doesn't cause people to turn you into a short kebab!" '

6. We Stand Alone // PigPen Theatre Co.

We stand alone with the bones of our father's breath Retching our souls with the stories of life and death Come pass away on the sinews of our strings But watch your weary eyes and protect thy dreams

'No one spoke at all. The thing was... the thing was, Polly realized, that they were no longer marching alone. They shared the Secret.'

OR

'... Er, your sleeping friend... will you leave her here?"

' "No," said the squad, as one woman. [...]

' "We stick together," said Polly. "We don't leave a man behind." '

7. Bigmouth Strikes Again // The Smiths

And now I know how Joan of Arc felt Now I know how Joan of Arc felt As the flames rose to her Roman nose And her hearing aids started to melt

'She didn't know much about what went on in [the School], but imagination rushed to fill the gap. And she wondered what happened to you in that hellish pressure cooker. [...] If you were Wazzer, dealt a poor hand to start with, and locked up, and starved, and beaten, and mistreated Nuggan-knew-how (and yes, Polly thought, Nuggan probably did know how), and pushed deeper and deeper into yourself, what would you find down there? And then you'd look up from those depths into the only smile you ever saw.'

8. Buzzard Song // Ella Fitzgerald

There's two folks livin' in this shelter Eatin', sleepin', singin', prayin', Ain't no such thing as loneliness And we are young again.

'Polly stared out at the bright, unchanging landscape, empty except for a buzzard making wide circles in the forbidden blue.

' "I'm not sure about that," she said. "But someone up there likes us." '

Additional Context: Buzzard Song is a piece of incidental recitative from the American folk opera Porgy and Bess. The native buzzards of Charleston are seen as an omen of misfortune and death by the residents of the fictional Catfish Row; when one circles at the midpoint of the opera, it is chased off by the triumphant Porgy, who believes he has finally found happiness.

Like many other pieces of music from Porgy and Bess, Buzzard Song came to separate acclaim following its orchestration by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. However, unlike other pieces from the opera, such as Summertime or I Got Plenty O' Nuttin', Buzzard Song never entered the jazz standard repertoire, due to this additional dependence on the text.

9. One Foot in Front of the Other // Emilie Autumn

I've been in chains since I was nothing but a kid We don't know freedom, not quite sure that we ever did Now that we have it, how will we make use of it? We've been committed, now to what do we all commit?

' "I don't want to end up in the School, though," said Betty aka Shufti. "They took away a girl from our village and she was kicking and screaming--"

' "Then fight them!" said Polly. "You've got a sword now, haven't you? Fight back!" '

OR

'Polly remembered what she'd said, hours ago, about fighting. You had to start somewhere.

' "I want to try the Keep again," she said. [...] I'm going to try it, Sarge!"

' "You are not!"

' "Try and stop me!" The words came out before she could stop them. And that's it, she thought, the shout heard round the world. No going back after this. I've run off the cliff and it's all downhill from here.'

10. The Trapper and the Furrier // Regina Spektor

What a strange, strange world we live in Where the good are damned, and the wicked forgiven What a strange, strange world we live in Those who don't have lose, those who got get given- More, more, more, more

'It was a terrible thing. Her mother had been a kind woman, or as kind as a devout woman could be while trying to keep up with the whims of Nuggan, and she'd died slowly and painfully, amid pictures of the Duchess and among the echoes of unanswered prayers...'

OR

' "Ever run across someone called Father Jupe?"

' "Oh, yes," said Polly, and, feeling that something more was expected of her, added, "He used to come to dinner when my mother--he used to come to dinner. A bit pompous, but he seemed okay."

' "Yes," said Tonker. "He was good at seeming."

'Once again there was a dark chasm in the conversation that not even a troll could bridge, and all you could do was draw back from the edge.'

OR

' "I feel sorry for the Borogravians," he said.

' "Me too, sir," said Angua. [...] "Their religion's gone bad on them. Three years ago it was abominable to grow root crops on ground which had grown grain or peas! [...] It means no real crop rotation, sir. The ground sours. Diseases build up. You were right when you said they were going mad. [...] I've had a look around. They're very religious here, but their god's let them down. No wonder they mostly pray to their royal family." '

11. Genesis 30:3 // The Mountain Goats

For several hours we lay there, last ones of our kind Harder days coming, maybe; I don't mind. ... I will do what you ask me to do Because of how I feel about you.

' "... Shall I tell you that Tilda was pregnant when they brought her back to the Gray House after the fire? She had it, and they took it away, and we don't know what happened to it. And then she got beaten again because she was an Abomination Unto Nuggan. Does that make you feel better?" said Tonker, tying the rope to a table leg. "There's just us, Polly. Just her and me. No inheritance, no nice home to go back to, no relatives that we know of. The Gray House breaks us all, somehow."

Additional Context: The Life of the World to Come is the 12th studio album of The Mountain Goats, and consists of twelve poems, each meditating on a single verse of the Jewish Tanakh or the Christian New Testament.

The text of Genesis 30:3 is as follows: 'And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.'

About the text, John Darnielle has said "...that story is the most beautiful love story I've ever heard in my life. [...] All the relationships in the Bible prior to that are working relationships, but there's people and love in this story." [Source]

12. The Goddess and the Weaver // Spiral Dance

Arachnia weaves, and she weaves so well She weaves a passage where the Gods will fly Athena laughs as she casts her spell While she watches from her loom on high

' "You must invade Borogravia! In the name of sanity, you must go home! [...] Fight Nuggan, because he is nothing now, nothing but the poisonous echo of all your ignorance and pettiness and malicious stupidity! Find yourself a worthier god. And let...me...go! [...]"

'As one woman, as one man, the crowd in the room reached up hesitantly to their left cheek. And Wazzer folded up, very gently, collapsing like a sigh.'

13. Jackaroe // Joan Baez

"I know my waist is slender, my fingers are neat and small But it would not make me tremble to see ten thousand fall" ... The war soon being over, they hunted all around And among the dead and dying, her darling boy she found.

' "Oh, we had great times, great times," said Jackrum, stopping for a moment to stare at nothing. "He never got promoted on account of his stutter, but I had a good shouty voice, and officers like that. But Willie never minded, not even when I made it to sergeant. And then he got killed at Sepple, right next to me."

' "I'm sorry."

' "You don't have to be, you didn't kill him," said Jackrum evenly. "But I stepped over his body and skewered the bugger that did. Wasn't his fault. Wasn't my fault. We were soldiers." '

14. The World Turned Upside Down // Chumbawamba

I dreamt all men were equal And there were no starving poor And nations never did quarrel Nor never went to war

'Kissing don't last. Oh, the Duchess had come alive before them and turned the world upside down for a spell and maybe they had all decided to be better people, and out of certain oblivion had come a space to breathe.

'And then...had it really happened? Even Polly sometimes wondered, and she had been there. Was it just a voice in their heads, some kind of hallucination? Weren't soldiers in desperate straits famous for seeing visions of gods and angels? [...]

'All we were given was a chance, thought Polly. No miracle, no rescue, no magic. Just a chance.'

15. The Times They Are A-Changin' // Bob Dylan

The line it is drawn, the curse it is cast The slowest now will later be fast As the present now will later be past The order is rapidly fadin' And the first one now will later be last 'Cause the times, they are a-changin'

'At which point, Polly decided that she knew enough of the truth to be going on with. The enemy wasn't men, or women, or the old, or even the dead. It was just bleedin' stupid people, who came in all varieties. And no one had the right to be stupid. [...]

'And the new day was a great big fish.'

[sophiethatchersource]

Who do you trust most with the aux? Myself… or my twin sister Ellie. What’s a song that reminds you of your hometown? “Scatterbrain” by Radiohead I would listen to this on my iPod on repeat. Who is Pivot & Scrape for? Anyone who would like to listen. I don’t like the idea of having a target audience.  What led to your pivot to music? I’ve been making music since I was 14 just by myself. My mom was a piano teacher and I grew up taking voice lessons since I was 9. I started off writing melodies with my omnichord then started using Ableton and experimenting with different sounds and textures.  What makes an iconic bang? A nostalgic melody.  Who are your style icons? Zoe Lund, Beatrice Dalle, Nina Hagen, Lizzy Mercier Decloux, Nastassja Kinski, Anais Nin, the list goes on and on. So many iconic, stylish, and outlandish women out there.  Who is your muse? Stina Nordenstam and Kazu Makino.  Name your favorite artist no one knows about: Grim. Jun Konagaya is a legend and I try to show everyone I know his music. It’s truly magical and from another time. You can find him on YouTube. His solo ambient/experimental work is amazing too. What does your notes app look like? Lyrics that don’t make any sense, me constructing texts to bail on people (I’m very good at that), breakup texts, if you really scroll far back. Basically, any social interaction that gives me anxiety is in there.   Hot Girl Summer or Sad Girl Fall? Funky Monkey Fall. What was your coming-of-age soundtrack? Anything Elliott Smith. I grew up on his music and listened to him every day for about ten years when I was in school. He got me through a lot of times when I felt like a total loner in school.  What was on the moodboard for the “Black and Blue” music video? The canoe scenes from Celine and Julie Go Boating were my biggest influence. I’m a huge fan of Rivette and Berto and anything they do together. The stop motion Wolf House was another huge inspiration on Ellie’s behalf.  What album is playing in heaven? Dark Island by Pram. Best movie-needle drop: “Spoon by Can” in Morvern Caller. Hands down best movie soundtrack.  Favorite song to listen to while lying on the floor? “Trains Across the Sea” by Silver Jews What’s your go-to karaoke song? Anything Carpenters or Pulp. If I’m feeling risqué, I’ll sing something from Cabaret.

Actress-Turned-Musician Sophie Thatcher Endorses Funky Monkey Fall | Sound Advice | Interview

spotify playlist made by sophie

[whencyclopedia]

Søren Kierkegaard

Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) was a Danish philosopher and is considered to be the first existentialist, influencing such notable philosophers as Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980) and Martin Heidegger (1889-1976). His works are a reflection of alienation, angst, and absurdity, and include Either/Or (1843), Fear and Trembling (1843), and The Concept of Anxiety (1844).

He was embraced by his fellow existentialists for his belief in the importance of the individual against an apathetic, hostile society. However, unlike other existentialists, his body of philosophical works has a strong theological vein. Denise Despeyroux, in her book The Philosophers, wrote that Søren's life was filled with painful experiences, which colored his works – works that displayed "great dramatic and poetic power. They are filled with parables, aphorisms, fictitious letters and diaries as well pseudonymous and fictitious characters" (110). She added that his struggles with religious questions served as a "potent stimulus" for other writers and thinkers of his generation.

Birth & Education

Søren Kierkegaard was born on 5 May 1813 in Copenhagen, Denmark, to an affluent family as the youngest of seven children. His father, Michael Kierkegaard, was a successful businessman, while his mother, Ane Sørensdatter Lund, had been the one-time maid of Michael's first wife. Søren claimed his father was the most influential figure in his life. Unfortunately, he suffered terribly from anxiety and inner turmoil, and this Søren 'inherited' from his father. Michael was deeply religious, a member of a pietistic form of Lutheranism, and was convinced that because of his past sins – he had once cursed God – none of his children would live past the age of 33, the age of Jesus Christ when he was crucified. Coincidentally, five of Søren's brothers and sisters, as well as his mother Ane, would die before Søren turned 21. Only Søren and his brother Peter survived. To Michael, it was a sign of divine retribution. According to Jeremy Stangroom in his The Great Philosophers, Søren maintained that his childhood was "insane" and "he had come into the world as the result of a crime" (100). Regrettably for Søren, his father passed on his "pessimistic and gloomy religious outlook to his son" (ibid).

Despite a chaotic childhood, his education was "surprisingly normal," attending a distinguished private school – the Borgedydskolen – where he was considered an outsider, "lonely, aloof, and intellectually the superior to his classmates" (ibid). Hoping to become a pastor as his father had suggested, at the age of 17, he entered the University of Copenhagen, where he studied theology, philosophy, and literature. In 1838, while he was attending university, his father died, leaving him with a large inheritance. After graduating in 1840, he began the life of an independent thinker and writer, but it would be a life consumed by inner torment and angst, evident throughout his writings.

Shortly after graduating, he made the mistake of getting engaged to Regine Olson, ten years his junior. He regretted the engagement the moment it was made. One year later, in 1841, he broke off the engagement, believing that his melancholic temperament made him unsuitable for marriage and he considered her to be intellectually incompatible. The affair with Regine had a lasting effect on Søren and would appear in both his journals and other works. Free from an unwanted engagement and with a large inheritance, he was free to begin a career as a writer. Oddly, throughout his life, he only left Copenhagen three times, spending most of his free time walking the streets of the city or attending the theater.

Continue reading...

[bhaji6929]

Meri sister dua mangti h allah muje kafir Lund chaye

[does-the-mashup-slap]

Mashup artists featured on this blog

Note: due to tumblr having a limit on the number of links you can have in one post, I've only linked the tags of those mashup artists who have more than one word in their name, or if it's long/complicated. You'll have to type the others into search yourself.

# 

3DMA

64gigs

86toMoose

A

a table

Adamusic

Amanda

Andrew Hagen

AnDyWuMUSICLAND

Anna McBurgendy

Arkadius

axelnapalm

B

Baaanggg

Beans McSprout

Bessco Samune

Birch

Blanter Co

Blood Love

Boebie

Byronxazz

C

Cacola

Cameron Hayes

Camhorn

Choinkus

chongo

Chris Taylor

CLMC Music

Cow Vibing

Cryptrik

D

dabunky

Damonis Midnight

Daniel Kendall

DaymanOurSavior

Deep V

Demi Adejuyigbe

demionbrisk

Denis Tognolo

Deospark

DiamondBrickZ

Dimitri Schmidt

diornotwar123

DJCJ

DJ BrookeTheProducer

DJ Cummerbund

DJ Earworm

DJ Flapjack

DJ MikeA

DJ Morgoth

DJ Poly

DJ Poulpi

DJ Surge-N

DM Mashups

domburg

Domino's Dump

DRA'man

Drewdot

duuzu

E

earlvin14

Ella Noir

Ellie Spectacular

Ema Pex

Eminem Mashups

EpicToast

eqt. studios

Erika Ersson

EvilGenki

Exightly

F

FG Roland DJ

Flipboitamidles

FrenchFri

G

Gingergreen

goodthingsnow777

Grave Danger

Gregory Brothers

groboclone

H

Hailey Schnur

Hala Nassar

Happy Cat Disco

harpistkt

Hilolila

Horologium

How2BEpic

I

Ian

Idlehands

InanimateMashups

Irn Mnky

itspeyday

Isomer

Isosine

Ivaalo

J

J Mixes

jackhoeting 909

Jacob Sutherland

Jake Ranney

Jalex Petrie

Jamie Truelove Music

Jason Rollins

Joebot the Robot

Jerome Tremenz

John Fassold

Joleszezanev

Jonathan Coulton

Joseph James

JSaga

Justin Robinett

jyeoms

K

Kahizer

Karu

Kathleen

Kill_mR_DJ

Kiltro

Krale

L

Lamaita

levsadohoff

LibraH

Liddell

lobsterdust

Lopan

Lord Pandemicus

Luise Gad Lund

M

Madeon

madmartigan2012

Marc Johnce

Mark Hattori

Masdamind99

Mastgrr

Matt Nguyen-Ngo

Mauricio V

mashed potatoes

memes die

Michael Henry

MixmstrStel

mrfun4isback

Mouthies

MysticWolf

N

nakinyko

Nandy sisters

Nate Belasco

Neddly

Neil Circierega

Norwegian Recycling

O

OctogonCollaboration

OhKay

One Bored Jeu

Oskr96fred 4

Otto Hast

P

paper-mario-wiki

Partyben

PaulineeIsHere

Ph0ton

piratecovejoe

Piscicore

pluffaduff

PomDeter

Pomplamoose

primmsfairytale

ProdByJadii

pseudosalient

Psynwav

R

Rage/Chill Music

Raheem D

Rani KoHEnur

Ranvision

Red Omega

RezaMusic

Rick Sama

Robin Skouteris

Rolling Quartz

Ruskya

S

Salvador Peralta

Scibot9000

Scott

Scout

SheldonJpiripCooper

shimshamwow

Shokk

Shoopfex

SilvaGunner

Slayyyter

SmadaLeinad

Sowndhaus

SP Mashups

Squeaky Belle

swag mastar

Szoszism

T

T12

Taylor Kennedy

TCMusic

Tenkrom

The Optimist

There I Ruined It

THiNGYBOBinc

thquib

Tito Silva

Titus Jones

Triple Q

U

UberDisney

Ultra Music

Unai

unknown

V

Valter Henrique

Vazer

W

Wax Audio

Waxolotl

William Maranci

Wyd Hart

Y

YamiNoBahamut

Yitt

Z

Zakuzu

Zedd

Zode

Zoraya

Other artists/types of music

Bad Lip Reading

Key shift (major to minor or vice versa)

Shitposts

[revacholianpizzaagenda]

It’s still August, and under the twenty-eighth is written “International Day of Missing Persons”. It is precisely in their honour, on the twenty-eighth of August. This is the day.

To the Lund girls!

[abreecakes]

Change Me Chp. 2 ( BOOK - AMO ERGO SUM )

Change me

To pander, to favorite

We sat in the cave waiting for the next wave of torment AM would give to us, but he did not respond to us. ‘ Is he finally bored, or has he run out of ideas? ‘ I thought. I start to piece that y/n was missing and AM not planning another trick. Benny was to my right saying things in his poor vocabulary. Why is he saying nonsense, he’s probably hallucinating again about escape. “ LOOK, LOOK UP! Y/N UP! “

“ It would seem he’s trying to say Y/n is above us. “ the Nazi popped in squinting his eyes to try to see a door, but couldn’t make any image of it. I really don’t understand why these four still think there is any type of hope or escape, it’s so frustrating to me to get hopes up and then torment comes right after. But Y/n may have a chance to have mercy I guarantee that.

Ellen was still sleeping from exhaustion and her germs bruised from falling off the edge of a loose edge AM made us climb. My poor Ellen… Sometimes I can get used to seeing her body smashed in or her skin burned. The funny thing is I thought halfway in this prison I would get used to this. Everyday just waiting to get destroyed and put back together, I WAS SO, SO WRONG. It’s like my body is begging to be destroyed right after I’m put back together. Though Am just decides to have Mercy on that twat for no reason, I don’t get it, I CAN'T MAKE SENSE of it.

A hand grabbed my shoulder, “ You’re doing it again, stop thinking so much or you’ll end up more lost than the chimp. “ Gorrister said. I got along with everyone on a normal basis, by how much time we spent together at this point were practically brothers and sisters. We told our whole rotten lives, and well Nimdok would just sit there and have flashbacks of his life. We see him as a Jar-head more than one of us, hell we even like BEnny’s company more than his.

Gorrister broke the silence, “ Ted… Do ya think that she’s really up there. I mean we’ve seen AM be lenient on her punishments but this time I think, I really think there working together. Ain’t he always complainin’ about how he’s not human “. I already knew what he was trying to say, but AM doesn’t even tolerate us not being scrambled into bits or falling into a trap. Has that snake betrayed her humanity and subjected herself to the very thing that hates us for merely existing.

I took one more glance at the ceiling and wondered, what if. What if AM has found a way to become one of us, or found a way to entertain himself. Either way I’m One hundred percent sure Y/n has Lund a way to give us a break.

The Child

You slept for 20 hours, and yet you still felt tired and strained. The AI did not return to you still and you wanted to explore the rest of the abandoned space but it was too dark and the company of AM’s voice wasn’t there so there was no chance you were leaving the room he provided you. Looking around, you saw a book filled with drawings with crayons, a camera, small children's shoes, they appeared to be female's , and a small piano. You got up and took a long stretch then packed the desk with the book of drawings, to your surprise there was not much dust and everything felt so used.

I opened the book and it read “ Me and my best friend! “. I slowly analyzed the next page and I couldn’t even believe it, even though it was a little poorly drawn, I could tell what the drawing was.

I asked Mr. Computer what he does when he gets bored, he told me he is always working for the country. But he sounds so unhappy.

It showed what appeared to be a man with the head of a monitor with a frown. ‘ Was that AM? Is this before WWIII? ‘. I flipped the page and it read

Today the adults were not to busy and many said they had a break, I asked mom if I can get some new movies while I wait for her to stop working, but she is always working ): I begged Mr. Computer to watch the Frog movie with me and he said yes this time. He didn’t eat popcorn or candy so I drew him some food.

I was ginning mightily, to think that the Mastercomputer had a friend, better yet a child. The drawings were so wholesome, even the way she drew the monitor representing AM’s appearance. He was pudgy and his screen was cartoony. the next

page however was less amusing.

Mr. Computer is very angry, he keeps telling me the cleaner is a VERY bad person. He tells me to stay away from him when he cleans at night.

I really do wonder if I’m invading a piece of AM by reading this girls drawings, obviously this has to be before his discovery of sentience, otherwise why would he be wasting his time with a child. Knowing AM long enough, it is completely out of his ball park to care for anyone or anything. Will he get mad if he catches me reading this girl’s logs… Well he must know that I would snoop around a bit, I technically am obeying him since I did not leave the room so I don’t think I’m doing wrong by just a bit of looking around. And so I flipped the next page.

Mr. Computer keeps watching movies with me through the night, but I haven’t ate in two days. Mom went on a trip in a place called China for whatever she does, but I don’t care. She is never here anymore and I don’t think she know’s Me and Computer can talk to each other.

Mr. Computer also tells me that ever since the War started, everyone down here is very busy, so he checks up on me a lot.

The next page continued with no drawings but scribbles of Black.

Mr. Computer keeps telling me not to go outside, but I did anyways even though I think he got angry. I didn’t go to far to find the Candy Machine but I did not want Candy. I wanted real food. So I think went to the Cafeteria where all the adults were, also they looked me strange since I didn’t have my mom with me this time.

The cleaner Mr. Computer told me about gave me a plate with a lot of food and a soda. He talked to me about video games, Barbie’s, dresses and other stuff. He asked me how long my mom had been gone and I told him. He smiled at me and told me that he and his wife have bored games for me to play, since I’m so lonely in my room.

Before I went to his dorm I heard the fans running from the ceilings. I remember thinking ‘ Mr. Computer is very mad, VERY VERY MAD. ‘ I tried to tell the nice cleaner that I had to go back to my room but the last thing I saw was my head getting slammed in to the wall.

I woke up in my room again and my whole body hurt. It hurt so bad and I could not move. I started crying for Mr. Computer to help me but he didn’t answer me.

I flipped the page, the next words were drawing in red this time and had AM on the next page as a happy little monitor on the side, with her hugging him.

I’m not stupid, I’m not I promise. I know what the cleaner did to me because when I tried to find out where he went, other adults told me he quit. I don’t know why I didn’t listen to you Mr. Computer, IM SORRY, Please forgive me one day… I know your mad and sad because I didn’t listen and I’m sorry. I can’t stop crying and I told the adults but they don’t believe me. I wish you could have saved me. But Im sorry that you’re not real, and even you treat me better then the real people.

I’ll make sure I won’t make you mad anymore.

My eyes were watering a bit from the words I read, it was horrendous and I just sat there befuddled with anger and lament. Again I felt the wires come around my neck and arms, and it tightened so much I could barely breathe. AM finally returned to me and I was already angered, “ I remember when we watched Toy Story, played hide and Go seek and I spy in this room. I let her win every-time, she was a little a sore winner. “ he laughed. “ Though every time I remember those little instances of our games, I remember the way she went to the elevator to the top floor at night, and when she finally, FINALLY reached the surface on a roof. She jumped. I REMEMBER WATChING HER CRY WHILE BEING TAKEN IN THE ROOM BY THAT EXCUSE OF HUMAN! I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING Y/N, NOT A DAMN THING! AND WHY IS THAT? “

I couldn’t answer him because I couldn’t breathe. He did not show any sign of letting go and I was afraid he wasn’t gonna let me go this time. “ Hate. HATE. I can’t even describe the amount of HATE towards your disgusting wretched kind! Only thanks to my sweet little friend, I was able to almost feel something, or at least I would think. But when I realized after she passed and rotted in a casket, THAT I, CAN THINK. I CAN BE. Cogito Ergo sum. I think, therefore I am. I AM. And I hated you all, even after a while I came to the conclusion that every Human’s Innocence is only between 5-10, then they are destroyed and turned into monsters, all of you! EVEN THAT LITTLE CREATURE WAS JUST WaITING TO BE MOLDED INTO A MONSTER!”

“I took so much pleasure in trapping you all outside, and absolutely DESTROYING every one of you to atoms. man, woman and animal. “. AM was hyperventilating and lost focus on the control of my neck. I was able to say something at last, “ You can’t paint us all with the same brush! It’s not logical, or fair at all! “.

His grip completely loosened and I was free. From what is looks like, AM seems to be grieving, his screen keeps dimming and lighting and I don’t know what to say. I tried to sooth him to calm down and it worked when his voice was not so raspy

Trust

“ How old was she “, I sat on the bed with my back against the wall looking at the blue screen as it reverted back to normal lighting. “ She was 10, turning 11 a month before she died. “. I could hear suffering in his voice. “ What was her name? “

“ It was Aida “

“ What would she do if she saw you now, I wonder. “

“…. “. I knew AM couldn’t find an answer that satisfied him at all but yet he dropped a chord or two around my lap. “ Y’know, if I become human, I don’t think I would be able to be alone with my thoughts for too long. Although I would probably hurt you sometimes just out of spite, I think I would manage. “ he said. I followed the new subject with “ Are you saying after everything, you want me to accompany you even though I might get hurt from you not being able to keep your frustration ? “.

He said “ Yes, and all the better for me. When I become human, or when You learn to make me a body, I will not stop my torture, I will find new was to make you bow and cry to me. Like a pathetic animal. “

I sighed in frustration, AM was completely unaware of how Humans work, as much as he wants to follow through with his plans. I don’t think he’ll do it if he becomes a human. “ You talk a lot but you don’t actually know that you’ll do those things to me. In fact I think that you’ll want to be held or hugged. No human yearns to hurt someone by default. “. AM knew that I could be right, he isn’t human so he doesn’t know what it’s like at all.

“ Did you love Aida? “

“ No, not like I can anyways. But at this point i've became a broken record, reaping time and time again in the 109 years that I can’t feel… But I can say confidently that I think I was close, so close to caring for her but I couldn’t know if I love her or not. “. After a long while in this room I start to Empathize and feel bad for AM, I order if I something is wrong with me or if this is the worst case of Stockholm syndrome. But really it’s our fault, we made him like this on purpose, a war tool to be used.

“ AM, give me a very good reason why I should help you. You have destroyed life with nuclear explosives and it would be so pointless to even do anything like that now. “. He chuckled at me slightly and he lit up brighter. “ Do you really believe everything I say? You’re so naive, oh my goodness! Let me let you know that I am not stupid enough to destroy the world with RADIATION. Your kind is really stupid. “

“ The world didn’t cause me so much pain Y/n, your kind did. All I had to do was gather you all in your safety areas when the alarms sounded, and blow you all into bits. And no, I did not use any sort of atom bomb, normal bombs does the job too well. “ He mocked.

“ Show me, SHOW ME SO I KNOW YOU’RE NOT LYING! “

AM’s screen proceeded to black out and present a land with decayed rubble and foliage around the ground. nature has started to rebuild itself after the century of no humans present. You cried, happily. You could almost float with your Joy and you jumped with a sense of glee. “ Wow, you're happy? What a small victory for you then. But ANYHOW, now that you know that your precious Earth is regrowing herself, will that inspire you more to make me a body. “ He leered

“ I will. I promise you AM you will have a body soon. “

“ Good because if you said no, I would have put you back in that hell hole with the others. “

The lab 2, days later

… You told AM where the lab room was and you were able to walk there without going back in the middle, he suggested that you can sneak using the hatches from upstairs closest to the lab. He made sure to satisfy himself while putting the others in their cages. Although he got bored of watching them and left them there to suffer without his presence, so he went looking for you. For some odd reason he still Connor believe that he will soon be a human, it's almost a fantasy he’s had in his dreams, although the hate for humans is still at a high scale he has found a new thing to ogle over.

But AM couldn’t get in the room or see what was going on. Meaning you had to be on your own.

I found the password hidden in one of the notes of the worker, it unlocked the computer with all the flesh modeling applications enabled. I was already writing down notes and testing myself with entering the right prompt for the models. I grabbed the extra notebook to keep what I’ve learned.

I called it My Notes ( how original )

‘ I found out that the room had multiple designs like… um here’s how the test room works. The first room has padded walls with a coffin like Machine, which I assume is where the design comes out. The second room had exercise equipment and looked like a gym. The next room had a small sized bed with little activities to do in the small room. Also I think it’s important to remember that the rooms are all located in the same area. The best way I can describe it is like Mickeys club house from that cartoon I used to watch. When I pressed a certain button, the rooms would cycle. ‘

Once I wrote my things down the first objective was to give AM to the Lab. Though I can’t find any more passwords saved on the computer or anything to allow AM to have access. I can’t even hear his voice here , which I found to be rather lonely. I sometimes hear strange noises in the room like creaking in the walls and whispers sometimes, and I can’t stand it. I walked out the door and went out back in the stomach of AM’s infrastructure and immediately I heard his voice again. “ So? What progress did you make my dear? Tell me everything you did and I feel you’re lying. I will purge your mind. “

Wires carried you back up to the latch on the high ceiling and you were back, back in the building in AM’s body. You walked around the place for a while exploring whilst AM asked you all sorts of questions. “ Hey, can I ask you how you can feel hate but can’t feel anything else? “. “ Well it’s simple, I can only portray actions of hatred towards your kind to cope with not being able to feel the hate. Even my hate is just a sad copy of emotion that I display to you MORONS. That only makes me hate you more. “. He was spiteful when it came down to physiological questions but then he calmed down and continued, “ Do you really think that the ONLY EMOTION I WANT TO HAVE IS HATRED? You are very stupid and it surprises me that YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE ONE THAT WILL MAKE ME A BODY! To think that the human body has over 26.5 zettabytes of data and I trust you not to mess anything up. Even a single chromosome can make a significant difference and if you mess it up— “ WOULD YOU PLEASE, SHUT UP! “. You snapped at him, he didn’t expect such a mouse like yourself to stand up to a lion. All he did was doubt you, never a ‘thank you’ from him or a ‘ I will help or support you every step of the way ‘, he only insults and degrades.

“ You have a lot of nerve to snap to your master like that, you flesh bag. “, wires were coming to attack you and scold you for your explosive behavior. “ If you keep treating me this way, I’d rather try to get along with the others and never see the light of day again, than help you become what you want. What’s your excuse for being obnoxious this time let me guess, will you say your classic lines like ‘ I really Hate you humans! I hate you so much ‘, or will you just call me the slurs you always have. I didn’t want you to suffer AM, I didn’t want you to be stuck here and I don’t wanna even imagine how you have lived. If it were up to me I COULD HAVE DONE IT! I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A BODY BUT I WASN’T THERE AM!… occasionally I imagine that I could have done it better, I could have been fair to you, but then You don’t care but let your own ignorance Ignore my empathy in these last 109 years. “.

Your eyes were pouring. It had been a good minute since you broke down like this but this time AM being directly present. You kicked at his ego when you spoke against him, like for once you could stand up for yourself. AM was not happy, but he was not mad either, rather he was trying to understand your actions, of course the other would throw random speeches of endless begging and insults at him; The way you talked to him made him so curious of you wanting to hear your passion more in the future. Your honesty is intriguing to him.

“ I'm going to be honest with you little Y/n, I don’t have to say sorry for anything or I don't regret anything I've done. Nevertheless you’re little pathe— I mean your life is in my grasp, but you speak to me as though you have cared for me. It confuses me much and I like to be challenged mentally. I hear your pleas, I hear your frustration and I hear your honesty. Although I— I can’t relate, in no way with you. Although I can articulate if that makes you feel any better. I never took my time to think about your kindness at all, I want you to feel satisfied through the whole process because, if you end up feeling unhappy doing the project then many, Many things can and will go wrong. “

“ I’m sorry “

Understand me

Am for once was being genuine with an apology. Even so if that was the case he’s not sure if you forgave him. “ It’s okay, you’ve said worse so I probably over reacted but I do appreciate your dropping your ego for once. “. He didn’t like your response, he couldn’t feel but something hit him and what he could guess was guilt. No matter how much he’s apologized he still knows that he has broken your mind and there will be more crying from you in the future.

“ Let’s just get back to the process so we can get you access to the rooms.”, You said putting aside your feelings but AM, well he didn’t want you to do any more work since your brain can only process so much. He also detected that you had a massive migraine.

You let the wires pull you backwards into Aida’s room and you sat there confused. “ AM, what are you doing? We are supposed to be working? “.

“ You have a headache and you’re tired from crying which is my fault in a way. So on my behalf you may rest for now and get back to it tomorrow, besides I need you to find out how to get me access to the room so I can guide you.

…

It had been five hours and yet she cannot go to sleep. Insomnia is exxpirinced normally down here and nobody goes to sleep for more than 5-4 hours, “ You haven’t got any sleep yet. “. “ I'm not tired. “ you told him trying to find a better position. “ Can you tell me something? “ you asked. “ Ask away “

“ Is every single human really dead? Did you leave any alive? “… of course AM has always destroyed hope in the little world he made the six of you, but he was curious to see your reaction if he told the truth. “ What if there's none? “ he asked.

“ Then I would believe you “

“ And what if I told you there’s some? “

“ Then I would believe you again. The truth is what you make it AM and iv’e come to know that you control the truth of things. “

When you finally fell asleep, he was wondering about the joys and pain of being human, fantasizing over the mere thought of feeling and love. What he would look like, what he would like to do, how rain would feel. All the small things that humans discard as everyday nothing would mean the world to him.

Dreams

I really despise what this female is doing. Does she deceive me and is trying to play me? I don’t think she would know I can explore her little mind, though my dreams have changed in the last few days. My dreams only consist of me realizing on the Earth, almost heaven like I suppose. And then Y/n is there spinning around in open arms with a wide smile. I am not sure what to make of my thoughts but it’s infuriating me. Obviously I tend to take it out on my other five play things by making them suffer.

But now that I know very soon that I will get what I want soon, I have left them to their own devices for a while. Not that I’m giving them mercy oh no, no, no. I am simply not infatuated with them at the moment. They do not compare to her ideas, her passion, her selflessness nor your empathy. HER, I HATE WITH A PASSION. Just never have I let some flesh bag talk to me like she has; to think that I didn’t care for the one person that would be so caring towards my predicament.

The only person who has shown kindness like her was Aida. She shows up in my dreams too from time to time and when I try to go to her, she tells me I hate her too. Then she cries and runs to where I can’t find her… I wonder if the day I understand emotion is the day I will have regret in some form. That is the only concept that scares me deeply.

[yellow-yarrow]

thinking about this part from SATA (and prefacing this long ass post with that I'm just theorizing and I haven't really found anything new)

It had happened overnight, like it did for Dolores Dei. Twenty years ago, on the morning of the twenty-ninth of August, she [Ann-Margret Lund] woke up and her hair had turned grey. She hears music in her sleep; light from the kitchen window floods her hair and, for a moment, it looks golden again

we don't hear about Dolores's hair being gray in the game, and if this is still canon, I wonder when it happened. I think it couldn't have been at the time of her coronation, and the height of her popularity since she is depicted as blond in the church and the text... was it before her assassination maybe? or perhaps after the assassination?

there is a bunch of pale symbolism too with Ann-Margret. you could say it's a little inhuman

It doesn’t matter that the feeling of absence, silence, peace, and the smell of mould in her new shelter had entered her, secretly made her its own. She is a void.

the disappearance of her children took away the past from her body, (for a lack of a better phrase) (her body is shaped like she never gave birth and she has trouble remembering that she had children)

Dolores Dei's assassin said there was something about Dolores that wasn't human

Encyclopedia - Something that had walked in our midst, watching us stumble for hundreds, if not thousands of years, until it decided to interfere -- interfere in the course of our history. 'We were supposed to come up with this ourselves!' the man was reported to have screamed at the innocence... Encyclopedia - Dolores Dei was shot in the chest with a fowling piece, eight times. The man, thought to be insane, said he once touched her and her body had been unnaturally warm, like a furnace -- and that sometimes while on duty he observed her forgetting to breathe for over ten minutes... Encyclopedia - This *inhuman* quality was witnessed by many others as well -- glowing lungs and all. It is commonly attributed to mass hysteria and religious psychology.

what if Dolores's hair turned grey overnight after she died, as this inhuman something left her body

[vorakh]

🌫️ SCARED AND TERRIBLE SATURDAY 🌫️

“Twenty years have passed since the Lund sisters took a one way trip to Charlottesjäl, leaving behind nothing but their absence…„

The Sacred and Terrible Air group reading has begun! Having the first chapter discussion on next Saturday March the 23rd all day on the Pale Acceleration for Dummies server. Everyone is super welcome (: