#lulu reads wild things

[libraryleopard]

Adult contemporary rom-com

El, a twenty-something stuck in a dead-end job and hopelessly crushing on her best friend, Ray, makes a New Year's resolution to take risks, which leads to her agreeing to move out to an old house in the countryside with her three friends (including Ray) and start a queer commune

As their new home takes shape, DIY challenges and all, El must confront whether she's willing to take the biggest risk of all and act on her feelings for Ray

Bi main character; lesbian love interest; F/F romance; biracial Thai/white, gay side character

[alucarddear]

Position anon again, would you please write a NSFW alphabet for Alucard? Pretty please? 🥺

Alucard N S F W Alphabet*

I'm personally offended that I haven't done this for Lulu before. Anyway, rather than just spelling out his name, I'll give you the entire alphabet. Heh. This is LONG! Your thoughts and keyboard smashes are welcome. 🤭

P.S. I go explicit and specific; read at your own risk. I also tried my best to keep it as gender-neutral as possible, so this is [Alucard x You]. However, I did have a little self-indulgent fun with W: wild card, the only section with an obvious she/her indication. Just so you know!

A: Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Aftercare is not optional to this dhampir. It's a must. It doesn't matter if you had a quick romp or a long night, he'd still take the time to treat you right, especially if he'd been rather rough with you.

Forehead kisses, soft caresses, helping clean you up—you name it and he's got it covered. It's all about making sure you feel loved, appreciated, and cared for.

Alucard is not one to just up and leave or make you feel used. In fact, it's noticeable how much more he dotes on you after actually using you up good and fucking you raw into next week. 😏

B: Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and their partner’s)

Your neck. Let's not even pretend that Alucard doesn't gravitate towards it. As you ride him, he buries his face in the crook of your neck and nips and pecks at your throat. There's a part of him that wants to sink his fangs into you then and there and another that wants nothing more than to whisper sweet nothings against your skin as you throw your head back in bliss.

Alucard likes his hands—the way they're so large against yours; how perfectly your hands feel in his own. He likes his hands gripping your thighs or hips, his hand coming down to slap your ass, his hands caressing every inch of you. The way his hand closes around your wrist, encircling it completely as if it was made to do nothing but. The way he pushes you down with his hand on the small of your back as he prepares to take you from behind. Most of all, all of the things his hands can do to make you cum.

C: Cum (anything to do with cum)

Alucard's desire to spill his seed inside you is next to nothing sometimes. If you'd let him, he'd bury himself balls-deep and cum inside you each and every time.

He loves to make you cum, loves the way you sound—the hitching of your breath, your begging, the way you can barely keep yourself from shaking as he coaxes yet another orgasm out of you. He loves to praise you for it. "God, you're fucking beautiful," is something you hear often. It just never gets old.

D: Dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

Alucard loves when you allow him to bend you over whichever way he pleases. Loves how tiny and pliable you look underneath him, adjusting and propping your arms and legs as he sees fit. Just the sight of you like that, it's enough to push him over the edge.

So, you know he draws you—you are his muse after all. You've seen his sketches. But not the ones of your beautiful, naked body. Not even the tasteful pieces he draws as you sleep. Not the ones where, try as he might, he just can't replicate how utterly divine you look when he fucks you. He's a talented artist, but nothing tops the real thing.

E: Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Is he very experienced? No. Does he know what he's doing? Hell yes. His mother was a doctor and his father is a man of science. He lives in a castle full of resources. He has deep knowledge of biology—he's got the theory down pat. Sure, he fumbled a little the first few times, but he quickly learnt how you like to be pleased.

Besides, being a dhampir, Alucard is in tune with your body's responses to his ministrations. When you're intimate, he can practically feel your heart racing, dear. He knows when you're close, can tell when he's hitting it good, need I say more?

F: Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Mastery. He sits on the edge of the bed, feet flat on the floor to support you sitting on top of him with your legs bent on either side of him, your feet flat on the bed. This position allows you to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss. It lets you start off slow, very intimate—with you grinding against and riding him. Once you're a little tired (or he starts growing impatient), he simply grips your hips and pounds up into you until you're a screaming wreck. His grip on your hips and his feet securely planted on the floor allows him to rut into you fast. And the view? Fucking fantastic. He loves watching you come undone like this, seeing you throw your head back and expose your throat to him. Yes.

For a quick romp, you can't go wrong with doggy style. When you're in his study and you both get a little too distracted? He’ll bend you over his desk and have his way with you.

G: Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Oh, he's very serious about giving both of you a good time, alright. He might do something that makes you giggle, sure, but for the most part it's probably accidental and not his intention. Sex with Alucard can be intimate and sweet or downright animals humping in the undergrowth (👀), no in between. He's not here for the shits and giggles, darling.

H: Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

It does match. Maybe not all the time completely bare, but he keeps himself neat and tidy. Do you see his luxurious hair? He takes care of himself down there too.

I: Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Alucard loves to see you and hear you. He's considerate and goes out of his way to find what works for you. So much so he probably has ruined you for anyone else. You'll never find a more receptive lover; it’s time to accept that.

When you make sweet love, he whispers sweet nothings against your skin. He peppers kisses all over you and makes you feel like the most gorgeous being on the planet. He's not afraid to voice his thoughts out loud too, praising you and urging you on.

J: Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

You remember those naughty sketches of you? Yep. He has used them a couple times while you were away. You're in his thoughts whenever he touches himself.

K: Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Edging. He not-so-secretly loves it when you beg. How are you to know how much more you can take? He'll just have to show you.

When you moan his name as you grip the sheets and quake beneath him? Yeah. He loves it, especially when you can barely even make out the words for “Adrian, please, please, please.”

When you take control and ride him like your life depends on it, it does something to his brain. You on top, taking control and looking absolutely beautiful as you do so... he could cum just from the thought of it.

There is a part of him that likes the thought of cumming deep inside you and breeding you. Maybe it's that loneliness that sometimes nags at him, maybe he yearns for a family, but he can't lie this feels utterly divine.

L: Location (favourite places to do the do)

The bed is cliche, but it works and is comfortable. Your kitchen counter, desk, against the wall or a tree, table, or out at some secluded clearing by the lake... Alucard is truly not that picky, as long as you're not out in the public for other eyes to see and you’re both comfortable.

M: Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your reactions and enthusiasm. Knowing you're into it just as much as he is.

When you sashay towards him, crooking your finger at him to beckon him closer? He's right there with you in a heartbeat.

When you wear his shirt and it swallows your smaller frame? It turns him on more than he lets on.

When you moan his name and gasp and writhe in pleasure. When you beg for him to take you harder, faster, and deeper. It just about short-circuits his brain.

N: No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Any form of bondage or restrictions to his movement. It brings up unnecessary trauma and makes him feel that he's not in control or safe. He is mostly a switch, sure, letting you take control and dominate too, but tying him up is just a no-go for him.

He won't transform into a wolf. It's practically bestiality, which he's not down for.

Somnophilia or any other act where consent can be dubious. He's just big on consent and trust, for obvious reasons.

O: Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves having absolute control over your pleasure, knowing it's him coaxing the sighs and moans and screams out of you. He enjoys how easily he can make you cum and drive you mad.

That said, he also loves watching you pleasure him, taking as much of his hard length as you can, especially whenever you greedily swallow his load.

P: Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It really depends. Sex can be whatever it needs to be in the moment. While he loves nothing more than to take his time and make sweet love to you, he also loves ravaging you and leaving you utterly spent. It's satisfying either way.

The usual case is he begins slowly and sensually, but by the end of it (and sometimes without warning), he's rutting into you like his life depends on it.

Q: Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He isn't above having a quickie if that is all time permits, but he would really much rather have his way with you properly!

R: Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Given that he's a dhampir, he knows exactly how to go unseen or unnoticed. It's likely his risk assessment is much more honed. You might think you're being risky, but he is well aware of the chances of you getting caught in the act.

As for experimenting—other than his hard reservations (the ones listed in N), he is game to experiment and try different things you may be curious about as long as you both feel safe and comfortable about them.

S: Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's a dhampir... need I say more? The chances of you exhausting him first is little. Sorry to burst your bubble. 😆 He's got stamina for days, honey.

T: Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Alucard is not above using toys to pleasure you. But what can a toy do that he can't do better? Hah. Chances are he will attempt to learn how it pleases you and try to replicate that with his own cock, mouth, and hands.

U: Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He can be such a little tease. You know the way he banters. That snark and sass can sometimes make their way inside the bedroom too.

"What was that, darling?" he'd ask, as if his amazing sense of hearing wasn't enough to register your begging as he edges you for the nth time. "Tsk. Patience, my love..." he would even dare chide you!

Alucard also loves to glide his fangs over your skin, just enough to leave a faint mark but not enough to draw blood.

V: Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not shy to let you know he’s having a good time, but he’s also not overly loud. He gasps, moans, and curses, a tight-lipped “Fuck!” slipping out once in a while.

W: Wild card (a random headcanon)

He loves to praise you. His way of talking dirty is to let you know how good you feel around him. How ethereal you are, how perfect for him, how you taste so sweet.

He encourages you as he pushes you over the limit. “Yes, yes, darling, you can take it. Cum for me,” he would say. He’d place a kiss on your open mouth as you convulse around him as he rips yet another orgasm out of you. “My sweet darling,” he would groan, wiping the sweat off your brow. “How perfect you are. Good girl.” And just like that, he’s about to do it all over again. RIP. 😫

X: X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s active and it shows. He’s well built without being overly bulky. It suits him—muscular/toned yet elegant and lean.

He’s packing a just-about-above average penis, but nothing you cannot handle. The man’s over six foot, it just fits.

Y: Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Alucard is the type to yearn and pine, so set the volume level up cause he cannot get enough of you. Enough said.

Z: Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sometimes you drift off to sleep together, but you usually fall asleep first.

He’s a night owl. He’d take you in his arms and stroke your hair as you sleep, admiring the way you glow under the moonlight, and wonder how he got so lucky to have found you. 🤍🌙

[holylulusworld]

Dishonored

Title: Dishonored

Summary: You fell. For his lies. For him. From grace.

Pairing: Prince!Steven Grant Rogers x Princess!Reader; Lord Barnes x Princess!Reader (no polyamory)

Warnings: heavy angst (I’m not joking), lies, manipulation, hurting people for revenge, implied loss of innocence, unwanted/unplanned pregnancy, Steve being the worst, sadness, hopelessness, desperation, suicidal tendency/suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, fluff, we stan Bucky in this story

Rating: Mature

Words: 2,7 k 

Square filled for @anyfandomfluffbingo: Square 9: “I never loved you.”

Square filled for Lulu’s Winter Bingo 2022: Square 4: Winter

Square filled for @steverogersbingo: C3: Free space – Royal AU

Square filled for @buckybarnesbingo: C2: Sharing body heat

Please heed the warnings for this story. It contains triggering content such as attempted suicide.

You fell. For his lies. For him. From grace. 

How do you move on when your honor and grace get ripped away by the man who promised you love and devotion?

He lured you in – sweet-talked you into giving him the one thing you cherished the most. Your honor and innocence. Reserved for your future husband, and the man loving you unconditionally.

Lies. All lies.

It was a moment of weakness making you stumble and fall. Into his bed. Into his arms.

He took you apart, gentle, and slow. A miracle to you when you think about the aftermath.

A few months earlier, your father’s castle

“I can't believe Prince Steven came to woo me,” you mumbled to yourself. The prince arrived earlier this morning and you hoped your dreams would come true. You always felt a deep connection to the prince, and now, he’s here to talk to your father.

“Princess!” Your chambermaid scolded. “You shouldn’t be out here in the cold! Your father called for you. He wants you to meet Prince Steven. He will stay at the castle for a few weeks until he travels to his uncle’s castle.”

Your face fell. He came here to sit out the approaching snowstorm, nothing else.

How could you have been foolish enough to believe he came to ask for your hand?

“I’m…coming,” you tried to not cry. All your hopes and dreams ended up on the ground - shattered and torn. “We cannot let our guest wait.”

“Father,” you stepped confidently toward your father to peck his cheek. He was always soft on you, and let you break a few rules. Especially when it came to etiquette. You’re his little thunderstorm, a wild child with a bright mind and softness that’s hard to find among royals. “I heard we have a guest.”

“He’ll be here in a minute,” the king softly said. He ran his hand over your hair and patted your head. “I need you on your best behavior. I angered the prince, and we don’t want him to tell his father the king about it.”

You wrinkled your forehead. “What? I don’t understand,” you whispered so no one could hear. Your father is one of the kindest people you know. How could he possibly anger the prince?

“Your Highness,” Steven walked inside the throne room, accompanied by his best friend, and confident Lord Barnes. The brunette watched you with interest while the prince’s eyes drifted toward your brother and his fiancé, Lady Margaret Carter. “I see the princess will join us for supper.”

“Your Highness,” you turned your attention toward the prince. “It’s a pleasure to meet you again. It’s been too long.” 

Steven eagerly took your offered hand to press a chaste kiss to the back of it. “The pleasure is all mine. Thank you for having me.”

“Lord Barnes,” you smiled at the brunette. Last time you saw him he was reading a book in the garden, chuckling at something he read. “I hope you’ll enjoy your stay. The library is always open for you.”

“Princess,” Lord Barnes smiled wildly. “You look as beautiful as ever.”

“Oh…my…you are too kind, Lord Barnes,” you replied gracefully and batted your eyelashes. “It’s always a pleasure having you around.”

Supper was more than pleasant. Lord Barnes kept the conversation flowing while the prince watched you the whole time. He complimented you and raised his glass on your beauty and grace.

You were surprised. His eyes seemed to be glued to your brother and his fiancé. Out of a sudden Prince Steven turned his attention toward you. He even stopped his friend from talking to you.

Your cheeks heated up, and you felt warm when he placed his hand next to yours, subtly brushing your pinkie with his finger.

It was the first time he was so close, and you allowed yourself to bask in his attention for as long as it lasted. 

The next days felt like a dream come true. Steven asked you to spend time with him and go for a walk in the gardens. For propriety's sake, a chaperon accompanied you and Steven. But you didn’t care at all.

The moments spent with the prince were the best of your life. He made you smile, and laugh and your heart flutter.

All that mattered to you was his smile, his soft blue eyes, and the way he looked at you. It was the same way your father looked at your father and your brother at his chosen bride.

“I wish these days will never end,” you dared to hope Steven would say the same.

He took you by surprise when he replied. “Even if they end,” he looked you deep in the eyes, leaning a little closer to whisper, “I’ll always come back to you."

The prince was about to press a soft kiss on your forehead when your chaperone stepped in.

“Your Highness, please do not forget you are wooing for a princess, not a wench. Remember your manners,” she tutted. “We should head back inside. It’s getting colder, and I can smell the snow.”

Marjorie, your chaperone was right. Winter came faster than expected, accompanied by a snowstorm that wouldn’t let up.

The whole country was suffering from the cold weather and the snow masses.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. The snowstorm and unforgiving winter kept Steven and Lord Barnes from leaving your castle.

You didn’t mind. Most of the time you spend with Steven, chatting about his kingdom, childhood, and love.

Yes. Love.

You held hands, and when your chaperone wasn’t looking, he even stole kisses. Steven promised you that love is the most precious thing to protect in this world.

He played you well, you give him that.

Your heart couldn’t take being apart from Steven for a single moment. So, you gave him everything you had to offer, and what he was craving. 

On one of these cold winter nights, you let him sneak into your bedroom, and take you to bed. He kissed you, and when he settled between your thighs you believed he would make you his wife and love you forever.

When it was over, he smirked, and his eyes grew cold. Your heart dropped as he hastily redressed. “Steven, what are you doing?”

“My plan went well, didn’t it?” He looked at you, making you feel ashamed of yourself. You grabbed the blanket to cover your body. The one he ruined with his touch. 

“I don’t understand, Steven. My love. What has gotten into you? You said you love me.” You cried as he looked at you, wrinkling his nose at your disheveled state. 

“I never loved you,” he coldly replied. “Your father forced the woman I love to marry your brother,” he sneered and curled his lips. “I stole his beloved daughter’s innocence. What will he do if he finds out you are carrying my bastard under your heart?”

“Steven, I don’t…” Your voice trembled. “Why? I…”

“I came here to ask your father to stop this insanity and let me marry Margaret. I love her dearly. He refused and wanted to send me away.”

You remember now. Your father told you that he upset Steven.

“But…she came here, begging my father to help her. She wanted to marry my brother. Margaret wasn’t my father’s first choice. Some princesses and ladies were more beautiful and with a better reputation. He agreed because she was in love with my brother and threatened to kill herself if he didn’t allow her to marry my brother.”

“What?” He looked a little shell-shocked at your words but shook his head. “Lies!” Steven yelled, making you flinch. “Shut your mouth, wench. Never talk about Margaret like that again.” 

He left without looking back and slammed the door shut. Leaving you devasted, heartbroken, and ruined.

After that night, he never looked at you. He declared that he was going to stay at the guest wing until it was time to leave.

One month later, …

Hopelessness is the only thing left in your life. You can feel a new life growing in your womb. Every passing day brings you closer to doomsday. 

Soon you won’t be able to hide the secret. Soon everyone will know you got dishonored.

Foolish girl letting a man take what should have never been his.

You run your hand over your belly, choking out another sob. If you want to save what’s left of your honor, you must take matters into your own hands.

Shakily you glance at the balcony parapet again. If you do it now, you can save your honor, and your father’s. 

Stepping toward the parapet you release a shuddery breath.

What if it’s not high enough? What if you survive? What if they ask questions?

“No,” you step away from the parapet. This is the wrong way to go. You must let it look like an accident. Or maybe, if you can find someone selling you a potion, you can end your life painlessly and fast.

The river looked inviting to you. You looked at the floating water, fascinated by its power and grace.

Once upon a time, you were gracefully too. 

That was until your grace and innocence got ripped away from you like it meant nothing to him. “If I step into the river, it will be over soon. Maybe they will believe it was an accident. I slipped and fell into the river.”

Slowly, you stepped toward the water, closing your eyes for a moment. This was the only way to save your honor. The water would wash away the sin you committed and take your secret with it.

You took another step, and another until you felt the cold water kiss your feet. “Cold.” You whispered but walked farther into the water, feeling it tug at your gown. “It will be over soon, my little stardust.” You rubbed your belly. “I’m so sorry.”

The water surrounded you, almost reaching your waistline as you heard someone call for you. “Princess! NO!”

It was Lord Barnes. His heart stopped beating for a moment when he saw you in the river. He knew something was wrong with the way his friend acted out of a sudden.

“Nooo!” You heard the water splashing and then, two strong arms wrapped around you like anchors holding you in this world. “What are you doing, princess.”

“I cannot…he dishonored me,” you choked out a heartbreaking sob. “I cannot remain. No man will want me. Not after he took my innocence and…the baby…it will be a bastard.”

Lord Barnes stiffened when the words floated out of your mouth like the water in the river. He couldn’t believe his friend and confidant would do such a thing to you for revenge.

“My love. No,” he dragged you out of the water, and wrapped you in his arms, letting you cry in his chest until there were no tears left in you. Lord Barnes said. “Stay with me, my love. I’ll keep you warm. We need to keep each other warm.”

“But I—” You lifted your head to look at him with tear-clouded eyes. “You should’ve let me die. Father will…”

“He won’t know. Not about what happened with Steven, nor what you did today. What a coincidence I came by when you slipped and fell into the river,” he whispered and kissed your temple. “I came back to ask for your hand, and to wed you in spring.”

Your heart thundered in your chest at his words. “I’m…ruined. You don’t want me, or my bastard child.”

“I will love it like my own, my love,” he kissed your cheek. “You are not ruined, princess. Only a little broken. But we can fix this. I got my heart broken once too. We will heal together.”

“My lord, the babe…it’s not yours…I can’t…you can’t.”

“It’s cold, let’s head back to the castle and get you warm. I’ll call for a healer…”

“Not a word about her condition except for the cold,” Lord Barnes warned the healer. “If you say a word about the other thing,” he patted his sword, “you won’t be able to spend all the gold you’ll get.”

“Not a word,” the healer nodded and walked back inside your room.

“Marry my daughter?” Your father eyed Lord Barnes warily. He came back a few days after Prince Steven and he left the castle. Alone, and with a grim expression. “But…what about the prince?”

“He’s a foolish man, my king,” Lord Barnes growled. “He lost his heart one too many times to a pretty face. I cherish your daughter, her grace, and her kindness. If you allow me to woo her, I’ll be forever grateful. I’m not a prince but love her dearly.”

“She admires you too,” the king replied. “She talked about you, and that you love to read as much as she does. If my daughter agrees, I’ll agree on your bond.”

Lord Barnes didn’t wait until spring to wed you. He insisted on marrying you within another month. 

You watched him with sad eyes as he desperately tried to fix his friend’s mistake.

“Lord Barnes, you can still find a better bride,” you took his hand to press a soft kiss on his knuckles. “I’m thankful that you tried to save my honor, but I cannot make you miserable for the rest of your life.”

“My love,” he whispered. “I fell for you the first time we met. If only I knew about Steven’s plans, I wouldn’t have stepped back and let him woo for you.”

“It’s not your fault, only mine,” you sniffled, and wiped your eyes. “I wasn’t raised to become a wench. I decided to let him do this to me…”

“Y/N, you’re not a w-.” He shook his head. “Never use that word again,” he angrily said. “He was the one stealing the light from you. You’re still an innocent angel.”

“I know that I’m not,” you hid your face in his shoulder, allowing yourself to let the mask you wear so well slip. “You’ll get damaged goods, my Lord.”

“Call me James, or Bucky, my love,” he gently rubbed your back. “I promise, you are far from damaged goods for me. You are going to be my wife and I’ll love you. And the babe will get all my love too. They are going to mine.”

“What a beautiful pair, don’t you think?” Your mother asked. “She looks happy, my love.”

Your father smiled wildly as he watched you and your groom share the first dance. You smiled and laughed as Bucky twirled you around.

“I was worried about our daughter for a while. Prince Steven’s departure left her heartbroken,” the king held out his hand for his wife. “Let us join them and celebrate their union.”

The queen smiled and took your father’s offered hand. She didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.

A mother always knows when her child is in need. 

She will never break her promise to herself and tell her husband that she saw you at the river when Lord Barnes saved you, or that she heard what you confessed.

“He is a good man, my love,” the queen whispered. “Our beloved daughter couldn't find a better man.”

While everyone celebrated your wedding and danced, Steven stood in a corner, watching you and his best friend happy together.

He squared his jaw and balled his hands into fists. His heart dropped watching Margaret and your brother join you on the dance floor. 

Everything he did was in vain…

Tags in reblog.

[ladylooch]

Nico's Best Girl - [Nico Hischier]

A/N: It has been a hot minute since I wrote Nico Smut.. or at least it feels like it? But the people spoke, and they were desperate for Nico and some spanking 🤭 So let me introduce you to Nasty Nico and all the things he does to his beautiful wife on the occasions he comes out.

Word Count: 2.1k

Read more Lexi and Nico Here.

Nico Hischier is so far in my dog house, he can’t even see our house anymore. 

This is a rare occurrence between the two of us, but I’m livid. Seething. Visualizing myself smothering him with a pillow.

Why?

Because he walked into our daughter’s room after his latest road trip and woke her up, then fell asleep next to me. So now, I’m the one up at 5 am in the living room, watching god awful toddler TV and sucking down my second cold brew of the day. Huge bags are under my eyes, purple and blue, for the three hours of sleep I managed to get.

It’s well into the late morning when Nico emerges from our bedroom. I’m still mad, but at least Lucie is taking a nap. My shoulders tighten when he leans down to kiss my head next to my dilapidated bun. He stays there for a moment, breathing in the smell of me after being gone for so long.

“Good morning.” 

“Mmm is it?” I mutter back as I stand. I begin gathering some of Lucie’s toys, starting by putting one of the puzzles back into its home.

“I think so?” Nico wonders. “I am so tired. I might need a nap later.” He says through a huge yawn. I look up at him, scowling at the back of his head. “Where is LuLu?” He asks, scratching at the hairs on his chest. 

“Sleeping.”

“Aww.. I wanted her to nap with me later.” A disgruntled pucker hits his lips. Nico goes to the fridge, pulling out orange juice and pouring himself a glass. I watch him, standing still and flabbergasted in the living room at his lack of attention. He turns back to make eye contact with me as he drinks. “Hm?” He asks between slurps, bushy eyebrows raising in question at me.

“If you ever do what you did last night again, I am going to blow an airhorn in your ear.” Nico pauses from drinking. He seems to take me in more, then grimaces.

“I’m sorry.”

“You think, Nico?” I question, shrugging my shoulders with attitude. He cringes and brings a defensive hand up.

“I’ll make it up to you.” I start grabbing the couch pillows Lucie threw on the floor, tossing them back into their places. I reach for the knitted throw blanket next, beginning to fold it back aggressively. “I missed her so much. I didn’t want to wait until morning to give her a hug.” 

“Well, now I’m missing the five hours of sleep I need to function.” I toss the blanket back onto the ottoman, adjusting the ends so it drapes over the side the way I like.

Nico watches silently from the kitchen while I stalk around the living room, trying to repair the disaster of our living room. My displeasure is obvious. Whenever I glance at him, I can see Nico’s mind calculating which fix he needs to pull out to move us forward.

“Lex.” Nico’s quiet call reaches where I am tucking her Lightning McQueen ride-on toy by the side of the couch. I look up at him and startle. He decided the fix is sexual. “You need me to wake you up?” His voice is husky, gone is the rough coating of sleep, replaced by the burning desire. It’s a reminder of how long that road trip really was- almost two weeks without each other, filled with FaceTime calls that barely grazed over the itch.

“Not sure you can, cap.” I quip back. Nico’s chuckle is low, accepting of my challenge. He pushes off from the kitchen counter. I bite back the desperate whimper in my throat at the sight of his hard cock straining his black pants. My lips part as he stops by the couch. He gestures for me to get on it. My cheeks are pink, eyes wild, chest fluttering as I take slow, teasing steps. 

“The longer you take to get over here, the more angry I’m getting… the harder your lesson will be.” My green eyes sparkle. A slight smirk pulls one side of Nico’s lips up, reminding me he is still there even as Nasty Nico is beginning to take over his body. Nasty Nico doesn’t like when I’m an ungrateful brat. Or when I whine at how hard he fucks me, or pulls my hair, or shoves his fingers into my mouth. He demands for me to be a good girl, his best girl, while I take him so well.

My folds are slick as I come to stand next to him. His hands reach for my big t-shirt- an old one of his he won’t wear anymore, from a playoff series that didn’t result in a cup. The old fabric teases my nipples when his fingers work it over my head. His thumbs come up, probing the puckered skin until I sigh. Nico kisses along my cheek until he gets to my ear. He tugs the lobe with his teeth, then continues with his lips down my throat. 

He lowers himself to the couch. Then he grabs my fingers, tugging me to bend down so he can suck a nipple into his mouth. I grip the back of his head, working to straddle his lap. Nico’s hand wraps around my waist, releasing my nipple. He jerks me forward, pinning me down to his side with my ass in the air. The harsh vibration of skin hitting rips through our living room. I moan, savoring the feel of my ass cheek tingling beneath his hand. His palm rubs over the area, then he digs his fingers in to heartily grip the muscle.

“That what you want baby, hm? You frustrated with me?”

“Yeah, asshole.” I sigh.

SLAP!

“Oh.” I moan. 

“Keep it up.” His tone is searing. He pins me down harder, gripping the waistband of my leggings. I turn my face out of the couch cushion, unable to see him, but the coolness of the room strokes against my wet, pulsing heat. 

His finger prints bleed into my ass, then pull apart my cheeks to hear the crudeness of my wet folds splitting open from his force. Despite his profession, Nico’s hands are relatively soft, no callous or hard points, so the smoothness of his palms over my bare ass have me closing my eyes. It’s a hard distinction, between how good his skin feels on me and how hard his next slap is. I jolt, screwing my eyes tightly shut. Those same fingers get soft again, going to explore my folds. He gathers my wetness on his fingers, then slides his middle finger into my entrance. I’m more than ready and pulse my muscles around him.

“Mmm, greedy girl today.” He stuffs another finger inside, fucking me hard with them as I try to press my hips back into his hand. His thumb rolls over my clit. 

“Cap.” I groan, “want your cock.” My hips buck back, finding enough momentum to thrust his fingers deeper into me. Nico steadies me for a moment, curling his fingers up, rolling them over the velvet spot inside of me. I quiver around his appendages.

“You can have my cock when you cum.” 

Everything gets wetter at his dirty words. Nico's free hand finds my nipple, rolling it between three of his fingers as he fucks me with his hand. I moan, wiggling under his pin and bucking my hips again. Nico lets me this time, groaning as I take over. The distinct slurp of wetness from each rock into him has Nico cooing encouragement to me.

“You looks so sexy right now.” He praises me. 

I moan loudly, then cum. Nico takes over, gently riding me through the orgasm. He pulls his fingers out, releasing me from my position and letting my knees straddle him upright again. I grab his wrist and before he can even demand, I wrap my mouth around his middle finger. The sweet, tanginess of myself explodes in my mouth. Nico’s pupils blow wider at the sight, mouth dropping ajar. I close my eyes and hum. His breathy moan dances across my face. 

“I taste so good for you. Only you.” I confess after finishing his ring finger.

“Mine. Forever.” He grabs the back of my neck to pull me in for a hot, wet kiss. We moan into each others mouthes. Nico helps me work my pants the rest of the way off. Then he drops his sweatpants and underwear to the floor. I watch, intoxicated, as his thighs tighten while stepping out of them. Fuck, I want those thighs slamming into the back of mine.

“Hard, Nico.” I request as he strokes his cock in front of me. The tip of him is swollenly pink, oozing already. “So hard.” I moan as he puts that same head against my clit. He slaps it there. I bruise my bottom lip with my teeth. Another small whimper pushes out. Nico smirks, slapping my clit again. A bead of his pre-cum sticks there, creating a thin line of connection as he pull himself away. 

“My pussy.” He reminds the room as he bottoms out inside of me. I groan at how tight the fit always is at first. He works his way all the way out, then does the same push forward. Nico moans this time. “So wet for me. Know how much you like it when I slap your ass.” 

“Mmhm.” He brings his fingers up oo my mouth, the same ones that made me this wet, and he stuffs them back into my mouth. He watches them slide in and out, pressing down on my tongue as he presses his cock deeper inside of me. 

“Look how good you are for me today. Even though you’re mad at me. Such a good girl, Lex. My perfect wife.” The last praise gets me and I moan loudly through the room. He pulls his fingers out of my mouth, bringing them instead to my clit as he leans farther forward. “Kiss me.” He demands. I curl up, pressing our tongues together, then allowing his to hurriedly enter my mouth. 

“Right there.” I moan, shivering, feeling the tightness in my body coil to an unbearable point. My face scrunches up in pleasure and I put my forehead to his big shoulder as I scream out his name in ecstasy. Bright hot white explodes across my eyelids as Nico fucks me faster and harder. “Oh my god!” I yell, feeling myself tighten up again, instantly. Nico picks me up off the couch, fucking hard and fast. His balls slap against my ass as those powerful, hockey thighs take me to heaven again. This time, he comes too. He curses in his languages, almost dropping me as his powerful orgasm explodes inside of me. His fingers bruise me in his desperate grasp to keep me upright.

A freight train of blood rolls through my ears, trying to regulate me after two incredible, back to back orgasms. Nico lays me on the couch, staying on his knees between my spread legs as he curses again to the ceiling. After a few moments, I hear the faint call of a little girl.

“Daddy?” Lucie’s small voice comes from the monitor in her room.

Nico’s brown gaze come back to me. We are both panting, barely breathing. Lucie cries on the monitor again, then Nasty Nico disappears completely, and in his place is my sweet husband. He reaches from my hips, flipping me so my ass is in the air again. Nico leans down, kissing the red marks he’s left on my flushed skin. Once he is satisfied they have been fully covered with his appreciative mouth, he leans forward, connecting his chest with my back.

“I’ll get her.” He murmurs. “I love you.” He closes his eyes as he says it like a grateful prayer. “You need help getting to our room?”

“Mhm.” I respond. He chuckles, pulling my naked body up into his arms. He hands me my clothes before we move towards the hall. I lay my cheek on his shoulder.

“One minute, LuLu.” Nico sweetly calls to her when we walk past her room. “Gotta take care of my number one girl first.”

“I am not your number one girl.” It’s light hearted and I chuckle as I say it. Nico hates it and makes me look at him.

“What? Yes you are.” Nico is confused. 

“It’s Lucie.” I shrug like it’s obvious.

“No, it is not.” Nico shakes his head insistently. “It’s you, baby. No matter how many girls we have in our life, you’ll always be first.”

I know better than to argue further with Captain Nico Hischier.

[bobbithewriter]

Miller's Secret

Chapter 1: Cafe Kisses

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader Rating: 18+ Word Count: 5058 Series summary: [NO OUTBREAK] You don’t know how or why but you find yourself drawn to an older man. His broad shoulders, strong arms, and pepper gray hair drive you wild. But there’s one problem: he’s your professor. Unsure of how to get over this crush you decide to apply for a mentorship… under him. It could all go horribly wrong, or it could be just the thing you both need.  Series warnings: SMUT SMUT SMUT, this is so smutty I’m not even sorry. Very veryyy brief mentions of Y/N (if any). Age gap- reader is in her 20’s while Joel is in his late 40’s/ early 50’s, it’s not specified. Student/Teacher relationship but it’s not what you think. Inappropriate relationships, yearning, tension, sexual tension, sarah doesn’t exist here (sorry girl), secret relationship, cursing. Chapter summary: After crafting the perfect schedule for your last year of college, you find out that one of your classes in your first semester got dropped. Forced to find a replacement, you settle for Intro to Philosophy with Professor Miller. You’re in for a big surprise. Chapter warnings: 18+, Smut, fem!reader, professor!joel miller, sexually explicit thoughts, cursing, age gap, inappropriate thoughts/dreams, oral (f receiving), sexual tension, secret relationship.

A/N: This is the first chapter to what I hope will be an interesting series. It goes without saying that this is all FICTION. enjoy:))

-

The heat is stifling outside, the sunning blazes down, scorching the Earth beneath it. It’s nearing the end of summer and you just can’t believe it’s gone by as fast as it has. Although you’ve spent most of it working, like today, there have been a few moments of relaxation sprinkled in, but not nearly enough for your liking. 

Making your way into your two bedroom apartment, you toss your keys on the coffee table near the door. You kick off your shoes and rush to turn the A.C. on hoping to be rescued from the heat. The apartment is silent, your roommate, Jade, is most likely at work giving you time to decompress from the very tiring shift you’ve just had.

You enter your room and are welcomed by your cat Lulu whose orange fur shines thanks to the sunlight passing through your window. Clothes litter the floor, books and magazines lay scattered on your nightstand and desk, your room is a proper mess, but it’s your mess. You make your way to the rickety wooden desk that sits against the wall closest to your window, pulling the near see-through curtains together in hopes of keeping some of the sun out. 

You open your laptop and look up your school’s student sign in, hoping to review the courses you’ll be taking this semester. Although you’ve grown to love school and love the structure it provides you with, you feel an immense relief knowing that it’s your last year in college. The parties and events are fun but you finally feel ready for more, you’re hoping for something more worthwhile. Lucky for you, your last two semesters are light ones since you’re not taking nearly as many classes as usual- you shudder thinking back to your freshman year when you thought taking seven was a good idea. Last spring, when registering for classes, you crafted the perfect schedule: four classes fall semester, three classes spring semester- easy. 

You scroll down to the bottom of your schedule only to find that one of your classes, an elective, has been dropped. Confused, you grab the notebook from the shelf above your desk and flip through the pages until you find the schedule you outlined back in April. Sure enough you see that your photography class has been dropped due to them not finding a professor for the course. You check your student email and find that you were sent a message back in July notifying you of the change. Frustrated at yourself for forgetting to read your emails, you return to the school’s registration page. Unfortunately, with classes starting next week, you know that the chances of you actually getting a class you’d find interesting are slim to none. You scroll and scroll until you’re able to find a class that fits with the rest of your schedule: philosophy. Great, you think, two hours a week dedicated to listening to some old guy drone on and on about ethics and morals and what the meaning of life is. 

The cursor hovers over the register button. Do you really want to do this? You have two options: you could always take photography next semester with the professor you like, or, you can suck it up and get this elective over with and earn another three credits but be forced to listen to a bunch of existential nonsense. You, for whatever reason, pick the latter. You rationalize with yourself that it’s only one class and it’s just one step closer to graduating. You decide to mull over the syllabus jotting down a list of school supplies you might need for the upcoming school year when you get a notification from your email. 

Professor J. Miller

Fall A- Tuesdays and Thursdays 10:30-12:30- Office hours: TR 1:00-3:00 or by appointment 

Welcome to Intro to Philosophy! Like the title suggests this course will be the most basic introduction to philosophy and its integration into our society. No textbook is required for this class but I do expect you all to come to every class prepared to discuss the handouts I give you. Participation is a requirement for this class and I look forward to hearing all of your thoughts and opinions. Looking forward to meeting you all next week!

Best, JM

Although you won’t have to spend even more money on textbooks for the class, the prospect of having to show up every other day for weeks on end just to earn a participation credit is enough for you to groan aloud. 

-

The week goes by quickly, between work, getting ready for the upcoming semester, and hanging out with Jade, you’ve barely had any time to yourself. Lucky for you, you don’t have any classes on Monday giving you time for some much needed self care. You complete your yearly before-school-starts-self-care-routine, trimming your hair, painting your nails, shaving your legs, plucking your eyebrows- the works. 

You spend the day lounging about your room, playing your favorite albums on your record player to fill the silence. You try on different outfits feeling totally relaxed for the first time in weeks. As if on cue you get a notification from your phone. Opening your email you find a message from Professor Miller with a full copy of the syllabus and a short article to read. 

Good afternoon everyone! Below I have linked a copy of the syllabus and an article for you all to read before class tomorrow. I hope to spend less time going over the syllabus, only answering questions you might have, and more time talking about the contents of the paper. Please come prepared!

Best, JM

Great, homework before you even start the class. You move to your bed where lulu is sprawled out and begin reading the article. You read paragraph after paragraph discussing value theory and metaphysics, taking notes as you do with the hopes of actually understanding what you’re reading. You finish and decide that you’ll review the notes tomorrow before class. Surely it won’t be that bad.

-

You wake up later than you intended and realize you don’t have nearly as much time to get ready as you wanted. You get ready quickly knowing you’ll have to stop by your school’s cafe since you didn’t get a chance to eat breakfast. The drive is a short one and eventually you’re pulling into the student parking lot.

Grabbing your backpack and keys you enter the cafe, the smell of freshly brewed coffee filling your nostrils. Looking at your watch you realize you have 20 minutes till class starts and relax a bit. You order your usual, a vanilla latte with two shots of espresso and a chocolate croissant, and wait for your name to be called. Behind you you hear the bell on the door jingle signaling that another customer has entered the already very busy cafe. 

As you wait you can’t help but look around at the cafe’s patrons, some are clearly students while others are harder to discern, maybe professors, maybe alumni, you’re unsure? Your university is located at the center of the city so many alumni linger around, finding jobs after graduating but still gathering at some of the college’s most popular cafes and restaurants. You’re broken out of your thoughts by the barista calling out names and orders. 

“Large six shot quad espresso with extra ice for Joel”, shouts the barista.

Your eyes first land on the very large cup filled to the brim with espresso and then to the person picking it up from the counter. Your eyes trail up from his hands, to his arms, and finally to his face, ogling him unintentionally, and you’re met with a sly grin from the man standing in front of you.

“Sorry for starring”, you laugh, “I’ve just never seen someone order that many shots of espresso in a single cup.”

“What can I say, I like my coffee strong”, he laughs. “I’m Joel”, he says, extending his hand out for you to shake.

The man before you is tall, six foot if you’d have to guess, with broad shoulders and large arms. He’s sporting a light blue button down and navy blue trousers that make his already tan skin seem impossibly warmer and brighter. His dark brown hair is peppered with grays as is his beard- though you wouldn’t really describe it as a beard, more like scruff. His hands are large and pretty much engulf your own as you extend your hand to shake his. His shake is firm and you find the handshake lingering longer than you both probably anticipated. 

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you”, you reply. From the looks of it he’s anywhere between his late 40’s or early 50’s, but you’re not really sure. His brown eyes hold your gaze momentarily and you notice that he too is sizing you up. You snap out of it when you hear your name called.

“Small vanilla latte with two shots of espresso for Y/N”, the barista shouts again. 

“Ah I can see why my six shots would scare you”, Joel jokes, keeping his body facing you as you reach for your breakfast. 

“Yeah well caffeine tends to make me jittery and I’ve got class in a bit so I’m trying to keep the coffee to a minimum”, you respond. “Anyways, I better get going”, you say, “It was nice meeting you, Joel.”

Before he has a chance to respond you find yourself walking to the door but not before turning back around and giving him a small smile. As you make the short walk to your first class you find yourself thinking of him. It’s been a while since you’ve been with a guy and maybe that’s why you find yourself still thinking about this stranger but a part of you also knows it has more to do with his good looks. You’ve never really found yourself attracted to older men like that, partly because you live in a college town where most of the guys you interact with are no older than twenty five and partly because you’ve just never met an attractive older man in person.

You think back to his face, a blend of strong, masculine features but with a much softer side as well. The slight curve of his nose and edge of his jaw seemed almost drawn with charcoal, and you can’t help but think back to the warmth in his eyes.

God it’s been too long since you’ve been with a guy, now you’re replaying a five minute interaction with a total stranger. Great. You take your phone out to text Jade.

Y: Dude I just saw the cutest fucking guy, too bad he was like 50:/ It’s actually concerning how touch starved I am bc im literally daydreaming about this guy and we said like five words to each other LMAO J: OUUUU DILF DILF DILF Girl go for it, who cares if he's old, hot is hot Did you get the sexy strangers number?? Y: NO our interaction lasted maybe two minutes  J: Too bad:(  It’s okay bc I hereby declare that we are officially going out this weekend and you’re gonna get laiddddd Y: okay this conversation is over J: this. weekend.

You smile despite yourself and fasten your pace hoping to leave any thoughts of Joel in your wake. You take the stairs up to the second floor and enter the room. Although it’s not quite as big as a lecture hall, there are a decent amount of students already there waiting for class to start. You take a seat in the middle of the third row, your usual spot since it’s close enough to seem engaged when you want but also far enough away so you’re not in the direct line of crossfire when it comes time to participate. 

You’re too distracted getting settled to notice him walk in but when you look up you see Joel… in your class… walking to the podium? You’re struck with the sudden realization that he’s your professor. Your professor is Joel. Oh my God. The sexy stranger, as Jade put it, is literally your teacher.

It seems that he notices at the same time as you do and he gives you a warm smile. Okay, there’s no need to freak out. He clearly doesn’t care so why should you and really there’s nothing to even care about right. It’s fine, he was clearly making normal conversation and you just happened to be the sex-deprived stranger he gave his attention to. There is absolutely no reason to overthink this. So what your teacher is cute, it won’t make a difference, you’re here to get your credit and go.

He makes his way around his desk and podium and begins, “Good morning class, I hope you didn’t have too much trouble finding the room. It’s good to see you’re all here so let’s get started shall we. If you have any questions about the syllabus now is the time to ask, I want to get started on dissecting the article I had you all read.”

His voice is clear- confident- and you can’t help but to hold onto every word he says. He looks around the room, waiting a beat to see if anyone raises their hand and moves on. 

“Okay great, now I want you guys to first raise your hands and tell me your thoughts on the paper itself, did you like it, did you dislike it? Feel free to get as specific as you want.”

Around you, your classmates raise their hands and participate, voicing their opinions on the paper. Some thought the paper was interesting, others didn’t, but there seems to be a universal agreement that the paper was difficult to really understand, a fact your professor seems to catch onto.

“So it seems as though the room is pretty split between whether the paper was good or not. That’s fine! Philosophers have disagreements all the time. But how many of you really understand what Value Theory is, hm? Can someone explain what it is to the best of their abilities, it’s okay to be wrong, that’s why I’m here”, he says. 

You raise your hand, “Value theory is, at its core, worried about justifying our value judgments and the actions that follow. It basically tries to answer hard questions like what it means to pick between the ‘lesser of two evils’ or what it means to be a ‘good’ person.”

“That’s exactly right”, he says, holding your gaze for a moment and giving you a small smile. 

You return his smile with pride, happy to have gotten the answer right. You’ve always excelled academically and although you would never admit it to anyone else, you crave the validation you get from your professors and peers. 

The rest of class continues on like normal with Professor Miller explaining the differences between Value Theory and Metaphysics and how they might help us answer some difficult questions. 

Class continues as normal and just as he’s about to dismiss everyone he gives a few housekeeping reminders: two papers to read before next class, office hours are Thursdays after class, and mentoring?

“Like the syllabus says, I do mentor a small group of students each semester who want to get a more in depth understanding of philosophy. Unfortunately I cannot mentor every single one of you so if you want to be one of the lucky students please submit a one-page proposal of sorts by the end of class Thursday. If you have any questions feel free to email me. You’re dismissed”, he says.

Packing your things you’re left with this new idea to ponder. It might be good to have Professor Miller as a mentor so you can get another letter of recommendation, but you’re not even sure you even enjoy philosophy like that. You have a couple days to decide anyways, who knows what you’ll end up doing. 

-

The rest of your day drags on slowly and by the time you finally get home you can’t help but sink onto your carpet floor and just lay there. Lulu hops off the bed and curls up next to your side. You let out a groan thinking about just how much homework you have to do and it’s only your first day. Two papers to read, a proposal to write- you decided you’d take a shot at it, there’s no guarantee you’ll even get picked so who cares- a four page research paper due, and an online quiz. You mentally thank yourself for only having picked three classes this semester. 

After eating dinner and showering you decide to start on your proposal. You rack your brain trying to come up with at least three different reasons you want this mentorship. One: you need another letter of recommendation- you plan on applying to graduate school or law school and both require amazing letters of rec- and one from your philosophy professor would look good. Two: you find philosophy interesting (sometimes) and maybe one on one sessions with your professor will strengthen that interest. And three: it doesn’t hurt that your would-be-mentor is easy on the eyes. Okay that third reason isn’t really a reason it’s more of a plus but it’s still valid. 

It takes you longer to submit your proposal than it does to actually finish it. You deliberate the options: you could submit it and work closely with Professor Miller, if you get picked that is, or you could never submit it and never have to worry about being in close proximity to that man. Fuck it, you think, and click submit. You hope you don’t end up regretting that. 

-

Thursday comes and goes pretty uneventfully with the exception of Mr. Miller telling your class that he would release the names of the students picked for the mentorship by the end of the weekend. You, surprisingly, aren’t at all nervous. You know that if you get picked it will look great on your resume but if you don’t it won’t really make much of a difference. 

Unsurprisingly you spend the rest of your day studying and going to work, it seems as though your days consist only of those two things now. When you get home you find Jade sitting at the dining room table on her laptop. You decide to join her seeing as you both have seen so little of each other because of all the craziness that the start of the semester consists of. 

You guys quickly stop working on any actual homework and start talking about random stuff, friends, boys, work, and school. Eventually the conversation shifts to your professor.

Jade gives you a smirk, nudging your arm, “So how cute is he really? Do you have a picture of him or something, I’ll be the real judge.”

You open your laptop again, scrolling down your course page until you find his picture. Zooming in, you turn your computer towards Jade.

“Sweet baby Jesus, that is the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. Oh my GOD! Is it too late to register for this class?” she laughs. “If you don’t make a move I will.”

You laugh, snatching your computer back from her. “You know I can’t do anything, he’s my professor. It would be totally unethical”, you say.

“It would be totally fucking hot”, says Jade. “Come on it’s not like you’ll get expelled or anything, it says nothing in the Student Code of Conduct about it so you’re fine.”

“Have you ever even read the Student Code of Conduct?” you retort. 

“Well no, but I’m sure it doesn’t say anything about that”, Jade laughs.

You both stay there talking for another hour or so, taking turns telling each other about how your days have gone. Eventually Jade decides that Saturday night is “the night” as she puts it. 

“We are so getting you laid, you need it more than anyone I know, no offense”, she says.

You give her a glare but ultimately give in. You haven’t gone out since that one night last semester that ended with you holding Jade’s hair as she hurled the contents of her stomach into the toilet. You’ve never been much of a partier, much less someone who enjoyed one night stands but if you’re honest with yourself, it’s been a barren few months and you haven’t had much company with anyone except Bertha, your vibrator. Maybe it was finally time to give into the college craze and sleep with a random person, no emotions, no strings attached, just sex. 

The thought stays in your head throughout the rest of your day. As you’re getting ready for bed you open your laptop and can’t help but look at the picture of Mr. Miller there. He really is sexy, you think, as you’re reminded of his broad shoulders and strong arms. You fall asleep with the thought of him in your mind.

-

You’re sitting in his office, nestling yourself further into the wicker chair. You close your eyes taking in the smells of his office, rich mahogany, oak, and leather. You feel him behind you, his presence close enough for you to feel the warmth radiating off of his body. Your heart seems to stop, anticipating his next move. His hands trail up your arms leaving goosebumps in their wake. He lowers his head down to your shoulder and you feel his breath against the shell of your ear, sending a shiver down to the base of your spine.

“Do you know how wrong it would be for us to do anything? Hm?” he whispers. 

His voice reverberates through your entire body, straight to your core. You feel the familiar flutter in your lower abdomen and the way your heart seems to start beating again but this time impossibly fast.

His lips press a kiss to your shoulder and you instinctively move your head to the side, hoping he takes it as a sign that you want more. His fingers trail up your arms again but this time to your neck, pressing the pad of his thumb down onto the skin he just kissed.

“Your heart’s beating a little fast there sweetheart, you alright?”

You nod, silently praying your body doesn’t betray you again. 

“Hm. Are you lying to me now? You know”, he says kissing your neck again, “good girls don’t lie. Are you a good girl?” he asks.

You think you nod again but your mind is so out of it you’re not sure if you actually do or not. His scruff lightly scratches against your smooth skin as his left hand wraps itself around the base of your left shoulder and his lips make their way up and down your right, your breath hitching as he does. 

Against your ear, he again whispers, “Tell me the truth, baby. Do you want me to touch you? Do you want me to take you right here?”

Your mind is reeling from his touch, his lips, his words, you’re struck silent for once.

“You know baby, if you’re honest I might just give you what you want. C'mon darlin’ be a good girl and tell me how much you want it.”

You open your mouth and pray that your voice sounds stronger than you feel right now. “I want you to touch me. Please touch me”, you whine. 

“Where do you want me to touch darlin’? Your breasts? Want me to play with your nipples? Or your cunt? I bet it’s already so wet for me”, he whispers against your skin. 

“Both”, you cry out, spreading your legs apart praying he gives you what you most crave.

He lifts you up from the chair and spins you around, pressing you firmly to his front. He moves one hand to your hair and pulls it gently, angling your face to his. His eyes have gone from brown to nearly black and it sends another shiver down your body. His lips crash into yours in a kiss so earth shattering you feel yourself turn to mush, leaning against the desk for some support. With one hand in your hair and the other on the small of your back, pulling you impossibly closer to his front, you finally get to feel the hard dent in his pants. You moan into his mouth and regain some sense. You kiss him with a newfound intensity, pawing at this chest hoping to feel some of the hard muscle beneath his shirt.

He smirks against your mouth, chuckling at your urgency. “You’re so damn cute when you’re desperate, baby. Don’t worry, I’ll give you what you want”, he says before his hands begin exploring your body even more. You feel the hand that was on the base of your back move down your ass and give it a hard squeeze, that familiar flutter in your abdomen returning. His lips once again move to your throat and down your chest; you feel your face getting hot and your breaths getting more rapid because of the lack of oxygen. He begins unbuttoning your satin blouse, replacing where the buttons were with kisses. 

He moves you so your back now rests flat against his desk and you feel him kiss lower and lower down your body. He kisses his way down to your naval and begins unbuttoning your jeans, pulling the zipper down slowly, taunting you. 

Just when you think he’s going to give you what he wants, his lips start going back up, following a similar path as before. He kisses your breasts over the mesh balconette bra you’re wearing, your nipples hardening as he does. You’re moaning wildly at this point, never having been this turned on before. His hands move to your back, unclipping your bra and tossing it to the side. He begins attacking your chest with a fervent need, softly biting your nipples, forcing a moan from deep within your chest. Your hands make their way to his hair and you tug at the base of his curls needing an anchor as you feel yourself slowly begin to lose it. You’re desperately trying to find some friction between your legs and you start grinding your still covered cunt against the dent in his pants. 

“Look at you, such a sweet thing grinding against me. Cmon baby, tell me again how much you want it”, he says as his lips make their way down your body again.

“Please” you beg, “I want it so bad, please just fuck me.” Your chest is rising and falling rapidly and you’re almost certain you look fucked out of your mind even though nothing’s even happened yet. 

“Oh I’m not going to fuck you here, honey, though I bet you’d fucking love it”, he says.

Your chest deflates a little from disappointment and you can’t help the low whine that comes out of your throat.

“I will, however, give that pussy the attention it deserves”, he says again, this time pulling your pants down past your hips and off your legs. 

Your heart begins racing as he kisses his way down your stomach, stopping right at the edge of your panties. He looks up at you and sees pure desire written all over your face. He kisses your center over the fabric of your panties, making you jolt from the sudden contact. Moving to kiss along the inside of your thighs, his scruff scratches harshly now against your skin. His fingers wrap themselves along the sides of your panties and he slowly peels them off of you. 

You look down at his kneeling figure, fully clothed with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a stark contrast to your entirely naked form spread out for him on his desk. 

“So fuckin beautiful”, he says against the skin of your thighs, peppering kisses there at random. Just as you're about to beg for the fourth time, he wraps your legs over his shoulders and dips his head between your thighs. He licks a long strip up to your clit where he starts sucking relentlessly. Your fingers find themselves digging into his hair, holding on as you grind yourself further into his mouth. He licks your cunt until you’re writhing in pleasure, holding onto the desk and his hair for dear life. You feel that familiar knot in your stomach begin to form and you chase it. You’re a moaning mess when he starts to tongue fuck your pussy, so close you could scream. His nose continuously bumps against the hood of your clit and you think you see stars.

“Fuck I’m close”, you moan, your back arching against the cool wooden desk.

One of his hands comes up to tug on your hardened nipples while the other finds refuge between your thighs. You feel him smirk against your skin and you realize why when he dips a finger into your spasming hole. His large finger works itself in and out of you, pushing you closer to your release. 

“You like that baby?” he asks. “Cmon I want you to come for me. Can you do that sweetheart?” 

Not waiting for your response he adds another finger, fucking you in tandem with his mouth. With every stroke you feel yourself getting closer, your juices gushing down your inner thighs, producing a sound so obscene it’s bordering pornographic. It’s only when he curves his finger, hitting your g-spot that you feel yourself lose it. 

“Oh my God-”, you cry out, “Fuck I’m cumming.”

Your legs shake beside his head but he doesn’t stop fucking you through your high. Your mind is blank and your thighs are sticky from your release and you think you might have just gone to heaven and back.

-

You wake with a gasp in your bed. You’re drenched in sweat and you feel your shirt sticking to the skin on your back. The boyshorts you’re wearing feel wet and sticky from your release. You sit up trying to momentarily catch your breath and you stare in the mirror directly across from your bed. The skin on your chest is red and blotching and your sheets are rumpled.

God, did you really just have a wet dream about your professor? Maybe applying for this mentorship was a mistake.

[mss-pit]

Bravern episode preview translations

These are translations of the episode previews posted on the Cygames youtube channel that weren't included in any streaming services. They are just episode previews but they have some funny/interesting dialogue so I thought I'd post them because I haven't seen them translated anywhere else.

Episode 1:

Smith: "Now! Our story finally begins!" Isami: "' Story '"? Oh, like a report, like in a documentary, right?" Smith: "New program: Bang Brave Bang Bravern. Episode one: "Wait's Over, Isami!" " Isami: "What's going on with that title?" Smith: "It's the coolest thing ever, right? Wait's over, Isami!"

Episode 2:

Bravern: "Isami! That was a rendezvous of our souls! Incredible, wasn't it?" Isami: "It was awful." Bravern: "For everything that has happened so far, and everything after this… I put my trust in you, Isami." Isami: "Wait, didn't we just meet?" Bravern: "Next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode two: "Isami! You'll be here soon, won't you, Isami!?" Isami: "Are all the titles going to be like this?" Bravern: "Isami… I will always be waiting for you."

Episode 3:

Bob: "Well… that was just another part of my job." Isami: sigh Bob: "You're pretty tough, being able to handle that much with that ridiculous machine thrashing around." Isami: "Well… my clothes got torn up, though." Bob: "Next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode three: "Lulu… That's Her Name". Bob: "Wait, did you say Lulu?" Isami: "Do you know anything?" Bob: "No, I don't know anything." Isami: "Then what was that all about?"

Episode 4: Lulu: "Smith, Smith!" Smith: "Don't cling to me! Um, Lulu?" Lulu: "Lulu, Lulu! Smith: "I told you to let go! …Isami looks like he's in a really bad mood." Bob: "Um, next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode four: "Isami, it seems you st!ll have much to learn about people". " Lulu: " [ Inaudible ] Gaga-pi!" Smith: "Why are they making her read out the episode title?" Lulu: "Gaga-pi!" Smith: "I wonder people can understand what she said?"

Episode 5:

Hibiki: "Oh! Looks like I'm doing the episode preview with Lulu-chan!" Lulu: "Episode preview! Gaga-pi!" Hibiki: "Um, it looks like Isami and Smith are going to have a face-off? Like a meeting of fists? I guess guys just love that kind of thing." Lulu: [slurred] Next episode: episode five! Hibiki: "That's one thing that's beyond my powers" Lulu: "Does Hibiki not want to do gaga-pi with Lulu?" Hibiki: "Hmm… that depends on the contents of the gaga-pi."

Episode 6: Smith: "Isami… I'm relieved you weren't hurt after falling off the aircraft carrier…" Isami: "Yeah… I thought I was going to die…" Smith: "I'm glad! And Lulu seems to like you now too!" Isami: "That's not a good thing at all!" Smith: "Next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode six: "Everything will be okay. For I… I am Bravern!"

Smith: We're finally going to Japan, Isami!" Isami: "What's 'okay' about that? Why are the titles so long every time? Every time, every time, every time…" Smith: "Um, calm down, Isami?"

Episode 7: Bravern: "Ha ha ha, hello to all good children out there! It's finally Bravern's turn again! I'm putting all my spirit into doing this episode preview!" Superbia: "Why am I being brought along?" Bravern: "Oh, Superbia. That's because you can speak Earth's language now." Superbia: "All I want to do is face against you. And to do that, I need Lulu." Bravern: "Next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode seven: "Well, Isami? What would you do in a situation like this?"

Bravern: Well, Isami? What are you going to do? Hm? Hm?" Superbia: "He's like a mayfly."

Episode 8: Superbia: "So, it seems like I am being made to do this again." Smith: "Now this is a pretty wild pair-up… And anyway, it looks like the next episode is a pretty serious one." Superbia: "It seems like my Lulu is quite attached to you." Smith: " sigh I really don't want to bring her along to the battlefield." Superbia: "Next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode eight: "Until We Meet Again, Smith" " Smith: "Huh? That's unusally short." Superbia: "Lewis Smith… I will not forget you." Smith: "We've barely even talked…"

Episode 9: Isami: "Smith… Smith…! What the hell did you do? Why did you die? Isami: "Next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode nine: "Isami! We must save the world together!" Isami: There's no point to any of this if you're not here… Smith!"

Episode 10: Smith: "Um… so… can we really do this?" Bravern: "Hmpf. We can do this because it's just the episode preview, Lewis Smith." Smith: "So, I am Bravern, and Bravern is me… correct?" Bravern: "I am you and you are me." Both: "Next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode ten: "In Japan, They Call This OMIAI" " Smith: "And that means…" Bravern: "Let's leave it to the two young ones."

Episode 11: Bravern: "They say their farewells to everyone and take their leave: Isami, Lulu, Superbia, and Bravern." Isami: "Huh? Are you doing it like a normal episode preview now?" Bravern: "They embark in Hawaii, and what awaits them is… Bravern: Next episode: Bang Brave Bang Bravern episode nine: "Commence Operation Bonfire!"

Bravern: "Let's go, Isami! This is our final battle!" Isami: "…just what kind of operation is this?"

Episode 12: Smith: "Bravery." Lulu: "Friendship." Bravern: "Hard work, willpower!" Isami: "And… love." Everyone: "Bang Brave Bang Bravern final episode: "Beyond Brave Bang"." Isami: "Bravern, Smith, Lulu, Superbia… everyone. Lend me your power!"

[kyotosummer]

A Different Perspective - Stella, Stolas, and Octavia

This is a really weird moment of the trailer, to me. I spent a lot of time thinking how Octavia could still think Stolas doesn't love her.? It doesn't make sense - we've seen time and again that Stolas gives her attention, so why does she still doubt this?

So I thought and thought and thought... and then I started thinking about another question - WHY is this line in the trailer? I mean, this whole trailer's about how much Blitz hates himself and their complicated relationship - so why is Octavia butting into the middle of this with her whining about not being loved enough??

More under the cut - I implore you to read before commenting on the above.

.............. wow, did I just get really annoyed about a TEENAGER whose upset because she doesnt feel like her dad's giving her attention? Wh- what the hell? Why is this show making me feel that way?

And why am I not this annoyed by Loona?? Arent they supposed to be similar characters? She also has a million more issues going on than Octavia. It's rather obvious, with all the time and attention the show gives her....

.....actually, the show gives Loona a lot of attention. We see her at her job with her dad, her backstory and how much Blitz attached to her.

I mean, we all saw how Loona was when she was locked up in that Hell Hound Pound. Thank goodness Blitz is around to hype her up and.... give her.... the attention...... she needs.......

huh.

Come to think of it.... huh.

The only time I remember Stolas giving Octavia attention was when he took her to Lulu Land.... as a distraction from his wife.

and even then.... he didnt listen to her wishes about not wanting to go - he just dragged her along......

...and he brought Blitz to flirt with. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, Stolas really only paid attention to Octavia when she ran away and started crying.

Oh, but then there was the lovely moment about the fireworks! Which... started because Stolas was busy with his divorce and forgot about the once-in-a-1000 year event with his daughter.

And while Blitz's job is an odd one, he's teaching his craft to Loona. She is incredibly capable at her job and can do it solo. She's also the one Blitz trusts most with the Grimoire.

When Stolas found Octavia in the fireworks episode, he lectures her about using the book when he hasn't taught her spells yet. SHE'S IN HER LATE TEENS???? HIS STUDIES STARTED WHEN HE WAS A CHILD????

......Holy shit, actually.

Finally, in regards to Stella - yes, she's a bitch who finds pleasure in tormenting Stolas....

and yet.... she goes out with Octavia on the weekends. It seems to be implied this was a weekly thing, even prior to the divorce.

And, like, outside of Stolas's perspective and her hiring a man to murder her husband.... do we... do we know her?

I mean, sure, this was both our and Stolas' first impression of her as a child:

But there could easily be way more context to this than what the audience knows. We only see this picture and then Stella as an adult. She also didn't seem particularly hateful with Stolas during scenes when Octavia was a child - she just, at most, steals the blankets and grumbles the same as she does about who has to get up.

Just as Stolas had to grow up knowing he's going to marry a wild woman he didnt want, Stella had to grow up knowing she was going to marry a man who didnt want her.

She might have tried. We haven't seen a lot of her outside of her fights with Stolas, and I do wonder if part of her resentment is that she did actually try, and Stolas just.... never responded to her outside of obligation.

Either way, after going through these thoughts.... I've come to realize - Octavia may not understand everything, but she may actually have a point. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[meta-squash]

Squash's Reading List Year In Review 2024

(I've also posted this on WordPress here, where it might be more readable: https://jesuisgourde.wordpress.com/.../30/readinglist2024/)

Last year I read 92 books. I didn't plan on trying to surpass that number but I did, quite easily. This year I read 116 books. I didn't start off with any specific reading goal, but early on I decided to make it my goal to read more books by not-cis-men (women, trans/nonbinary people, etc) than by cis men. I hit that goal with 72 books. I did want to reread a number of books; I reread 7 books, but not all were the ones I listed in my last yearly reading review. I read 89 fiction books and 27 nonfiction. Of the nonfiction, the genres were mainly biography/autobiography, essay, science, and history. I read 45 books from small press publishers. I read 39 books by and/or about queer people. I don't have a super nice photo spread this year because I read a lot of books at work; I was going to screenshot my goodreads grid but unfortunately they have (frustratingly) changed the format from grid to list in the past week.

Here's a photo of the books I read that I do own, which isn't a whole lot, since I read most of the books at work this year:

I'll do superlatives at the end, here is the list of what I read this year, in chronological order. (Apologies for the random line breaks in the middle of the list, tumblr doesn't like it when you have 50+ lines without breaks)

-The Sorrows Of Young Werther by Johann von Goethe -The Changeling by Joy Williams -Child of God by Cormac McCarthy -Pierrot Mon Ami by Raymond Queneau -The Ghost Network by Kate Disabato -The Thirty-Nine Steps by John Buchan -Richard III by William Shakespeare (reread) -The Recognitions by William Gaddis -A Kestrel For A Knave by Barry Hines -Grief Is The Thing With Feathers by Max Porter -Bluets by Maggie Nelson -The Wild Party by Joseph Moncure March -The Hospital by Ahmed Bouanani -I Love Dick by Chris Kraus -Minor Detail by Adiana Shibli -Autobiography of Red by Anne Carson -Rent Boy by Gary Indiana -One Or Several Deserts by Carter St Hogan -Samedi the Deafness by Jesse Ball -Norma Jean Baker of Troy by Anne Carson -Die My Love by Ariana Harwicz -Missing Person by Patrick Modiano -Petite Fleur by Iosi Havilio -Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi -The Address Book by Sophie Calle -In The Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado -Plastic Jesus by Poppy Z Brite -New Animal by Ella Baxter -The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds by Paul Zindel (play) -Green Girl by Kate Zambrino -Death In Spring by Merce Rodoreda -Harold's End by JT LeRoy (reread) -Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto -Stranger To The Moon by Evelio Rosero -H of H Playbook by Anne Carson -When The Sick Rule The World by Dodie Bellamy -Wittgenstein's Mistress by David Markson -Agua Viva by Clarice Lispector -Not One Day by Anne Garreta -Mauve Desert by Nicole Brossard -Binary Star by Sarah Gerard -Slug and other stories by Megan Milks -Weetzie Bat by Francesca Lia Block (reread) -The Deer by Dashiel Carrera -Mean by Myriam Gurba -Humiliation by Wayne Koestenbaum -The Toaster Project: Or A Heroic Attempt to Build a Simple Electric Appliance from Scratch by Thomas Thwaites -Kind Mirrors, Ugly Ghosts by Claire Donato -Our Wives Under The Sea by Julia Armfield

-Notes on Thoughts and Vision & The Wise Sappho by H.D. -Harrow by Joy Williams -A Feast Of Snakes by Harry Crews -Low Life: Lures and Snares of Old New York by Lucy Sante -Milkshake by Travis Dahlke -Little Fish by Casey Plett -Hurricane Season by Fernanda Melchor -Sex Goblin by Lauren Cook -Biography of X by Catherine Lacey -Why Fish Don't Exist: A Story of Loss, Love, and the Hidden Order of Life by Lulu Miller -Hir by Taylor Mac (play) -Daddy Boy by Emerson Whitney -Notes On Camp by Susan Sontag -Transformer: A Story of Glitter, Glam Rock, and Loving Lou Reed by Simon Doonan -Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo -Acid Snow by Larry Mitchell (reread) -33 1/3 Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures by Chris Ott -The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides -red doc> by Anne Carson -Darryl by Jackie Ess -A Visit From The Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan -The Postman Always Rings Twice by James Cain -Body by Harry Crews -St Sebastian's Abyss by Mark Haber -The Quick & The Dead by Joy Williams (reread) -Don't Think Twice: Adventure and Healing at 100 Miles Per Hour by Barbara Schoichet -Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer -Timbuktu by Paul Auster -Nevada by Imogen Binnie -The End We Start From by Megan Hunte -Organ Meats by K-Ming Chang -Like Flies From Afar by K. Ferraro -Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe -Bestiary by K-Ming Chang -Playboy by Constance Debre -Red Dragon by Thomas Harris -Parting Gifts for Losing Contestants by Jessica Mooney -The Outline of My Lover by Douglas A Martin -Monstrilio by Gerardo Samano Cordova -Essex County by Jeff Lemire (reread) -Tacky: Love Letters to the Worst Culture We Have To Offer by Rax King -The Death of Francis Bacon by Max Porter -Lover Man by Alston Anderson -Cecilia by K-Ming Chang -The Employees by Olga Ravn -It Lasts Forever And Then It's Over by Anne De Marcken -Mercy Killing by Alandra Hileman (play) -Tentacle by Rita Indiana

-Nox by Anne Carson -What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami -McGlue by Ottessa Moshfegh (reread) -Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin -John by Annie Baker (play) -Widow Basquiat by Jennifer Clement -All Down Darkness Wide by Sean Hewitt -The Blue Books by Nicole Brossard -The Book Of Difficult Fruit: Arguments for the Tart, Tender and Unruly by Kate Lebo -Blood Of The Dawn by Claudia Salazar Jimenez -The Balloonists by Eula Biss -Ravage: An Astonishment Of Fire by MacGillivray/Kirsten Norrie -Gods Of Want: Stories by K-Ming Chang -Fem by Magda Carneci -Miss Major Speaks: Conversations with a Black Trans Revolutionary by Miss Major Griffin-Gracy and Toshio Merino -Mr Parker by Michael McKeever (play) -Fucking A by Suzan-Lori Parks (play) -Dictee by Theresa Hak Kyung Cha -Otherspace, a Martian Ty/opography by Brad Freeman and Johanna Drucker

I DNF'ed a few books, but all were put down with the intention of finishing them at some point. Mostly they were books I needed to read when I was less busy/in a different headspace. I DNF'ed: Soldiers Don't Go Mad: A true story of friendship, poetry and mental illness during the first world war by Charles Glass, a reread of Her by HD, and The Apple In The Dark by Clarice Lispector. The Lispector and HD are both modernist novels that need 100% attention, and the Glass book is a nonfiction book (very good so far) that I put down in favor of something that at the time was more interesting.

I gave out a lot of 5 stars this year. The books I rated as 5 stars were: The Changeling by Joy Williams, The Recognitions by William Gaddis, Our Wives Under The Sea by Julia Armfield, 33 1/3 Unknown Pleasures by Chris Ott, Transformer by Simon Doonan, Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo, Body by Harry Crews, Organ Meats by K-Ming Chang, Say Nothing by Patrick Radden Keefe, and Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin.

~Superlatives~

Like last year, I'm going to do runners-up because I read so many books.

Favorite book: The Recognitions by William Gaddis. I have to pick this one as my favorite for the year, because reading it was a journey, and because it was a book that was exactly everything I love in a book: fascinating, very human characters, weird formatting, great dialogue, metaphors galore, and most importantly, hundreds of cultural, artistic, historical, biblical and literary references. I started this book on January 4 and I finished it February 22. It was so unbelievably dense, probably the densest novel I've ever read, and I absolutely loved it. So much is going on in this novel that it's hard for me to summarize. In the very shortest version of a summary, it is a novel about counterfeits (specifically paintings, but counterfeits in all and any forms) and Catholicism in 1930s/40s New York. The main character is a young man named Wyatt Gwyon, a talented artist who instead of painting for himself, becomes a skilled counterfeiter-- not because he wants to make money, but because he's obsessed with the perfection of making exact interpretations of other people's art. He also struggles with religion and belief due to his strange religious upbringing. Many, many other characters are also focal points throughout the novel. The book is unique in that it doesn't use quotation marks when characters speak and rarely uses "he said"/"she said" or any similar phrase. But Gaddis is incredibly talented at writing dialogue so that each character's voice comes through, and it's obvious (except when he doesn't want it to be) who is speaking. Gaddis is also wonderfully scathing, and much of the novel is incredibly witty and intelligent observations about the Modernist art world and artistic spaces in general. The characters are all fascinating, there is a lot of mirroring and metaphors. I say this book is about counterfeits in every form, because it constantly highlights different ways in which each character is faking something, or lying, or pretending to be/know/do/think something they are not. This book was incredible, I annotated every single page and had so much fun reading it, even though or perhaps because it was so unbelievably dense.

Just for a bit of reference, here are a few of the more annotated pages in my copy of The Recognitions:

Runner up: Body by Harry Crews (more on this one further down)

Least favorite book: Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi. I was so disappointed by this book. The blurb on the back made it sound like it was going to be really beautiful and interesting and unique. It wasn't. It was all tell and no show. It follows Ada, a person who is born with one foot in the spirit world. A traumatic experience at university causes her to develop split personalities as the spirits from the other side step forward to protect her from trauma. Unfortunately, the spirits who now control her body have darker, more dangerous desires. Sadly, there was almost no plot, just description after description of Ada's unhealthy relationships and erratic behavior. But because the narrative is so distanced from said relationships and from Ada, the high stakes of this behavior is not felt, not really. Interesting characters can easily save 'all tell and no show type' books, but none of the characters get delved into with any depth, even Ada. The show rather than tell narrative also seriously undermines the poetic prose that crops up almost at random. This book felt flat. No plot, little stakes felt, no interesting characters, tell rather than showing everything, and it's not compelling at all.

Runner up: Playboy by Constance Debre. The back of this book describes it as a memoir detailing the writer's "decision, at age forty-three, to abandon her marriage, her legal career, and her bourgeois Parisian life to become a lesbian and a writer." Which sounds amazing! But it isn't! It's unbelievably pretentious and quite boring. It's mostly just complaining hidden by a facade of faux-philosophical meandering and directionless autobiographical vignettes. The author is a lawyer and she spends most of the time complaining about poor people and about women. It's so hilariously misogynistic. It's just various vignettes of her relationships with various women (who she dislikes and disparages for being femme or having bad bodies or for having lowbrow/uncultured interests etc etc) and then her going and visiting her ex-husband and teenage son, and then complaining that she has nothing. There's little to no emotion in the book, she is not charming, and her pseudo-philosophical musings are boring.

Most surprising/unexpected book: Body by Harry Crews. This book crept up on me in terms of a favorite. Crews' writing is not for everyone, but it's absolutely for me. The book follows bodybuilder Shereel Dupont and her trainer, Russell, who are at the world bodybuilding competition. Shereel has left home to compete over the past year and is now one of the most likely to win. Unfortunately, her family, who are "corpulent rednecks" with odd habits, show up to cheer her on, causing disruption and chaos throughout the hotel at which the competition is held and turmoil for Shereel herself. This book blew me away completely. Every time I thought it had reached a plateau of weirdness and chaos and insanity, it ratcheted that all up even higher, culminating in the most perfectly fucked up ending.

Runner up: Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin. A mother trapped in the liminal space between life and death is made by an unfamiliar changeling child to retell the events of the recent past, desperately trying to pinpoint the moment she can reverse the environmental poisoning of herself and her daughter. I picked this book up because it sounded interesting, and then it ended up being an amazingly written short horror novel. It had a lot of interesting thoughts on motherhood and the horror of being a parent - not in a negative way, but the horror of wanting to protect and keep your child safe and the inability to do so.

Most fun book: Like Flies From Afar by K Ferrari. I fully judged a book by its cover with this one, and it did not disappoint. Small-time criminal/oligarch Mr Machi thinks he's hot shit, until he pops a tire on the way to an appointment and discovers an unidentifiable corpse in his trunk. As he scrambles to deal with the body, his paranoia grows as he tries to calculate who out of all his enemies and employees might be responsible, and who is trying to frame him, and who the body might be, and his life slowly transforms into a nightmare. Everyone in this book is loathsome, but in a way that is so fun to hate. The whole novel is a romp of panic and paranoia, people who think they're so cool and hard exposing how uncool they are, and a mystery that's so fun because watching the protagonist panic is a kind of schadenfreude.

Runner up: Transformer by Simon Doonan. This is a book for people who love Lou Reed, by a man who loves Lou Reed. It's just a wonderfully written biography that focuses mainly on the album Transformer, but also gives Lou Reed's history and is interspersed with stories about Doonan's own thoughts and experiences with Reed. The whole book is really passionate and vivid, and fun to read even if you don't have the album immediately to hand.

Best queer book: Our Wives Under The Sea by Julia Armfield. Leah, a marine biologist, has returned from a deep-sea voyage that went wrong. Her wife Miri begins to realize that something is wrong, and Leah came back changed. The narrative switches between Miri's point of view as she tries to reach Leah and struggles help her despite not knowing what's happening to her wife, and Leah's point of view as she remembers and recounts what happened to her during her submarine voyage. I started this book at work and brought it home. In the middle of reading it, I stopped to finish some task (I think it might have been to make dinner), and ended up having to cut the task short because I needed so badly to keep reading. The most compelling part of the book is the very different ways the two characters' love for each other shines through, even in the darkest moments of the novel.

Runner up: Darryl by Jackie Ess. The titular narrator of this novel discovers that he genuinely enjoys a cuckolding lifestyle, watching men have sex with his wife. But then he realizes that part of the reason he likes it so much, is that maybe he wants to be the wife. His explorations with sex and gender and relationships (and basketball) begin to unravel his marriage and his friendships and his own mind. Then he learns more about one of the men his wife has been sleeping with, and things get dangerous. I loved this book because despite it being written by a trans woman, the story doesn't at all go where you'd expect regarding gender or sexuality. It's satirical, it's witty, it's got some cool things to say about kink and about gender, and it's totally original.

Saddest book: Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. This is a classic I'd been meaning to read for a long time. The narrator is an American WWI soldier named Joe who was hit by an artillery shell and has woken in the hospital having had his arms and legs amputated, as well as most of his facial features mutilated beyond use/recognition. Trapped in his body, he drifts through memories and musings on life and war and philosophy as he tries to keep track of the days and to figure out some way to communicate with the hospital staff. It's no wonder this book is a classic. The writing is incredible, the imagery vivid and the plot totally gripping, even as it switches between the peaceful past and the horrible present. The end is completely gut-wrenching.

Runner up: Minor Detail by Adania Shibli. This novel explores what in history is a minor detail, and what impact that little moment might have on someone in the future. The first part of the novel opens in Palestine in 1949, in a military camp, where a group of Israeli soldiers (led by a captain suffering from a bite-induced hallucinogenic fever) kidnap, rape, and murder an unnamed Palestinian woman and bury her body in the desert. Fifty-odd years later, a Palestinian writer learns about this "small" moment in history, which occurred 25 years to the day before her birth, and becomes obsessed with learning more. She obtains an illegal pass to the Zone in which the woman died, determined to go there and find more information. I don't want to summarize much more because I don't want to give away any of the hard-hitting plot points. But Minor Detail was published in 2020, and it explores the cycles of violence and the ways in which oppression has not changed for the Palestinian people. It's a book that I wish I had read twice because (as the title suggests) there were a lot of small details that repeated themselves or were less noticeable at first but slowly grew or became important later in the story, and I'm sure I would have noticed more.

Weirdest book: The Changeling by Joy Williams. I love Joy Williams! I love everything she writes! Her themes are always so interesting and her writing style is so unique. The main character, a young woman named Pearl, escapes her terrible marriage by joining a rich older man and in doing so ends up living with him on an island that is populated by children he has taken under his wing. Pearl wants little to do with them and spends most of her days getting drunk by the pool -- the children are eerily smart and her son has joined their games and lessons, and they all want her attention. But her son is less and less her son as time goes on, and the children are not always the children, and the adults in the house are all bizarre and half-mad. I wish I could give a better summary, but Joy Williams books are always difficult to summarize, because so much of the stories are less about the plot and more about the characters just feeling things at the reader, and the plot is often built on or around odd occurrences and philosophical musings. This book blew me away with its imagery and its metaphors. I want to reread it, because it was just so amazing. My absolutely favorite thing about Joy Williams (and this is true for all of her books) is the way she writes these incredibly profound and philosophical phrases like they're nothing at all, like they're so easy, just breezes on by them even though she's just punched you in the chest. It's amazing.

Runner up: Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin.

Most gripping book: Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe. This book is an absolute masterclass in pacing. It tells just a few fragments out of the whole history of the Irish Troubles, but the fragments that are focused on are woven together with brilliant timing, humanizing and vivid portrayals, fantastic analysis and contextualization, and altogether excellent writing. Every time I put this book down I wanted to keep reading, to know what was going to happen next. The book has 3 focal points: Gerry Adams, (alleged) leader of the IRA; Dolors Price, a member of the IRA; and the family of Jean McConville, a woman kidnapped by the IRA. At first, all three storylines are disparate, but Keefe slowly weaves them together, pulling all the threads of context and action and years in prison or government or delinquent schools together slowly but steadily. The book reads like a thriller, and I adored it completely. (Yes, I do know about the miniseries. I haven't finished watching it yet!)

Runner up: Our Wives Under The Sea by Julia Armfield.

Book that taught me the most: Say Nothing by Patrick Radden Keefe

Runner up: The Toaster Project: Or A Heroic Attempt to Build a Simple Electric Appliance from Scratch by Thomas Thwaites. This could also go under weirdest book, easily. As a graduate art school project, Thwaites decided to attempt to build the simplest (and cheapest) appliance he could think of - a toaster - fully from scratch. Quite literally, starting with mining the elements to make the right kinds of metal and figuring out how to make the right kind of plastic. Half of the book is Thwaites' attempts to build various elements of a toaster - and how they go wrong, or right, and why it's so hard. The other half discusses all the processes that go in to making all these elements in a more manufactured setting, their impact on the environment and the economy, and the difference between cheap mass-produced products that break down vs more expensive products that last longer. The writing was fun and included photos and diagrams and interviews with various industry professionals Thwaites contacted to learn more.

Most interesting/thought provoking book: The Recognitions by William Gaddis

Runner up: Organ Meats by K-Ming Chang. I've now read everything this author has published and this is by far her best book. Her narrative style is so unique and so poetic, and the themes she always comes back to are so interesting, and they culminate in this amazing novel. This magical realist novel centers around two best friends, Anita and Rainie, who are both first generation Taiwanese-American. The story opens when they are adolescents, and Anita has recently learned that they come from generations of dog-headed women and women-headed dogs. They vow to become dogs together, tying a string around each other's throats as collars and playing at dogs in the empty lot near their apartment complex. But Anita's dreamlike imagination and obsessively loyal personality starts to clash with Rainie's more reserved nature, and when it becomes too much, Rainie's family moves away. Rainie grows up, while unbeknownst to her, Anita has sunk into a dreamworld and her body has begun to rot. She narrates her family's past and her mother's bloodline because she cannot narrate her own present. When she returns to the town she grew up in, Rainie discovers Anita's condition, and knows that she is the only one who can save her. This novel is beautiful, incredibly poetic, and experiments with formatting and narration in really unique ways. Its exploration of friendship and queerness and obsession and tradition and folklore is absolutely fascinating. I often write in my books and underline sentences or paragraphs that I really love. I didn't write in this one, because I would have ended up underlining the entire novel.

Longest/shortest book: My longest book was The Recognitions by William Gaddis at 952 pages, and my shortest was Notes On Camp by Susan Sontag at 57 pages.

General thoughts on all the other books that didn't get superlatives:

-Child of God by Cormac McCarthy. This is the first McCarthy book I've ever read (I know, I know) and I really enjoyed it. You just watch a horrible guy walk around in the rural countryside of a small town, doing increasingly fucked up things and committing various awful crimes. Which is exactly up my alley in terms of literature. The main character, Ballard, is someone who is so weird and pathetic that he becomes turned inside out into evilness. You feel sorry for him but you also hate him and he's also fascinating because he's so fucking weird. It's a great book.

-The Ghost Network by Catie Disabato. This book was so much fun to read while living in Chicago. It's a rock n roll mystery novel that riffs on Situationism and the L tracks and maps. A rock star disappears, and the main character who is a fan of her's is determined to find out what happened to her. What she uncovers is a series of clues based on defunct lines and stations of the Chicago transit system, and the Situationist concept of detournment, which lead her towards finding out what actually happened to the rock star. This book was so much fun, and so much of it was based on real life defunct train lines and the actual Situationists, both of which I found really interesting. The ending was also just so good! Somehow I managed to have read everything I needed to in order to get every single reference in the book, which was really surprising to me, because they all came from different places.

-New Animal by Ella Baxter. This book baffled me. It is about a woman who works as a makeup-artist at her family's morgue. When her mother dies unexpectedly, she skips the funeral and goes to stay at her estranged father's house. While there, trying to figure out how to vent her grief, she decides to try out the local kink scene. Her first experience is with a dom who is a manipulative, horrible asshole. She has a bad time, but wants to try again, so she goes to a place that hosts scenes. She acts like she knows what she's doing when she doesn't, no one gives her any instruction, so she fucks up massively, and everyone has a bad time. It's the worst portrayal of the kink scene I think I've ever encountered. The author said she did a lot of research but it just seems like a lot of terrible assumptions and misinterpretations. I thought it was going to be a book that positively portrayed kink and people who like the kink scene, but it's very much not. It didn't even feel like the author was doing this so the character would learn that she can't run from her grief. It seemed more like the author had one bad experience due to poor communication or shitty individuals, and then decided that's what the whole scene was like.

-Harold's End by JT LeRoy. I read this book in high school (or perhaps just after graduating) and totally fell in love with it, and then never saw another copy until recently. It was so good to reread it, to re-experience the gorgeous watercolor portraits that come with it. The novel follows a young street kid/hustler who lives with other street kids; all his friends have pets but he doesn't. A john takes a liking to him and buys him a snail as a pet, who he names Harold. The book follows him as he lives on the streets and as his relationship with the john develops. The book is classic JT LeRoy, and the end is LeRoy's usual style of characters experiencing a life lesson and growth but not necessarily in a happy way. It definitely holds up!

-Wittgenstein's Mistress by David Markson. This was such a fun and weird book and I really enjoyed it. Markson's idea for the novel was "what if someone actually lived the way that Wittgenstein's Tractatus suggests?". What we get is a woman who believes she is the last person on earth (it is never confirmed whether this is true or not). She muses on life, culture, art, philosophy, and her past, and discusses her trips across the world despite its emptiness. But her story changes constantly; she's always referencing things she said before and editing herself. It's a weird, fun, fascinating novel with a lovably weird main character.

-A Feast Of Snakes by Harry Crews. Yet another fucked up book that I loved. It follows Joe Lon Mackey, a former high school football star that now lives a dead-end life in his hometown in Georgia. Each year the town hosts the Rattlesnake Roundup, where people come from many states away to try and catch as many rattlesnakes as they can in order to win a competition. Joe Lon is in charge of the event now that his father is too old and ill. He's uncomfortably self-aware of his own personal failings and his inadequacy and his abusive relationship with his wife; he'd rather not think about any of it and is incapable of figuring out how to change things. But his old girlfriend is returning for the event, and his father's attempts to control the goings-on from afar mean he's unable to stop thinking about where his life has ended up and where it's going. All this drives him slowly crazy with desperation until the insane ending. Crews is incredibly talented at writing characters that are likeable despite being so flawed and fairly awful people. This book is no exception.

-Milkshake by Travis Dahlke. What a weird novel! In a near-future dystopian heatwave, an 11 year old girl escapes the environmental catastrophe by traveling back in time to her past life as a fertilizer salesman whose marriage is slowly collapsing. I really enjoyed it, because it was just so odd. Now that I'm thinking about it, I feel as though it would have been really interesting to read just before or just after reading Tentacle; both books focus specifically on time travel and on environmental disaster.

-Hurricane Season by Fernanda Melchor. At the opening of the box, a Witch has been murdered in a small village in Mexico called La Matosa. The rest of the chapters are narrated by different characters, who all have some small or large hand in the death of the Witch, who was a woman who the whole town visited in secret for medicine, fortune-tellings, and advice. The narrating characters include a schoolgirl, a drug dealer, a prostitute, a hapless husband who wants to make something of himself, and a teenager in love with his young girlfriend. With each narration we learn more about the Witch, and her mother who was a Witch before her. Slowly, we get inklings of the nature of the murder, and the revelation at the end is brutal. Melchor's writing is incredibly vivid, and the characters are all caught in the cycle of poverty, driven by superstition and fear and hardship. None of the characters are likeable, but they're all so human.

-Biography Of X by Catherine Lacey. In a dystopic alternate-universe US, where the Southern Territory split from the North after WWII and established a fascist theocracy, a woman named CM grieves her recently deceased wife X, who was a famous artist. Despite X's wishes, CM decides to delve into her wife's past, researching her history before they met and before she was known as X. She uses her credentials and privileges as a journalist to cross into the Southern Territory and learn about X's family and the communities from which she came, her activism and her hidden lives, and begins to realize that maybe learning all this about the woman she loved won't benefit her in the long run and that maybe their relationship wasn't as rosy as she thought. This novel combined fiction and real life in really fascinating ways, and includes both real and fake sources in its footnotes.

-The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides. A famous and successful painter murders her husband and then refuses to speak. A psychologist who is also a fan of her work is determined to get her to speak again. Obsessed with uncovering the truth, he ends up taking risks that threaten himself and his patient. A fun mystery that went down easy. It didn't attempt to be too realistic from the start, so suspension of disbelief wasn't hard. I do think the book could have done without the entire last part. Leaving it on the realization of what had happened and allowing the reader to sit with that realization (especially with how creatively the twist is presented) would have had more impact I think than the slower and less engaging denouement of the last 3 chapters, which were far weaker than the rest of the book.

-Acid Snow by Larry Mitchell. I reread this book for the first time since about 2009 and really enjoyed it. It's a very sad novel about a man living in NYC during the height of the AIDS epidemic. Most of his friends and lovers have died and he's scared and sad about his own life and cynical about love, but he's attracted to the man who owns the shop below his apartment. It's a dark book, sad and scared and jaded. I think the main character's anxiety and grief that slowly escalates into paranoia is an amazingly surreal way to portray all the emotions that consumed the queer community at that time. I also loved the sort of lack of closure at the end - because many people didn't get that.

-Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer. I don't generally go for science fiction novels, but I read this one because so many people said they had liked it. I really enjoyed it. The unnamed narrator, a biologist, is part of an all-female expedition into a harsh, unknown territory that has appeared adjacent to the US. The suspense and strangeness of the novel had excellent pacing. The descriptions were also so vivid and clear, which made the story's weirdness so compelling. I loved watching the main character struggle to remain objective the whole time while knowing that she's failing. Her growing fascination and terror is so fun to read as each feeling tries to overtake the other. I also think it was great as a standalone and I feel no interest in reading the other books in the same universe.

-Nevada by Imogen Binnie. I'm a bad queer person, I hated this book. In it, the narrator, a trans woman, is frustrated with her life and has just broken up with her girlfriend, so she steals her ex's car and drives away, ending up in a small town where she spends the night with a department store employee. I just really don't like books that are meandering tell and no show without characters or a plot that are interesting. This entire book felt like someone recounting their weekend over breakfast, complete with casual informal language and overuse of the word "like". Which would be fine if any of the characters were compelling, or if the plot was really interesting and went somewhere, but it didn't. A good portion of it is just musings on New York City, but without the creativity or vividness that other portrayals of NYC have to offer. After I read it, I learned this book was kind of the catalyst for a specific style of trans writing. Which also explains why I hated Detransition, Baby when I read it a couple years ago, as it's a sort of literary descendant of this. I'm happy to read books that are tell rather than show....so long as something interesting happens or at least one of the characters is unique and compelling. This book sadly has neither.

-Essex County by Jeff Lemire. I read this for an English class in university, so this was a reread and I really enjoyed reading it a second time! All the stories in this collection are so beautiful and compelling, all the characters are so real. And the art style is fantastic. The stories revolve around characters living in the titular Essex County in Canada, across a number of generations. It weaves together their relationships and their lives, much of which revolves around hockey. There were some storylines I remembered quite well and others I didn't remember at all, so it was really nice to revisit this one.

-Ravage: An Astonishment of Fire by MacGillivray. Man, this book had so much potential. This novel is a fake biography of a fake poet who disappeared from a Scottish island in the 1960s after falling into delusions that he has become a demon. The fascinating thing about this book (at first), is that it's completely convinced that it is an actual nonfiction book. It gives no hints that it's fake, and the first 50 pages are convincingly written with an academic, nonfiction voice as the novel is utterly convinced of its own delusion of factualness. The novel claims to be an analysis of found papers: first, the poetry and written tracts of Tristjan Norge, a Norwegian poet, then the analysis of his works by MacGillivray, and finally, the diary of his companion Luce Montcrieff. Unfortunately, it is fairly repetitive in a way that bogs the reader down quite a bit. Even so, I think I would have enjoyed much, much more if the ending did not abruptly switch genres to a supernatural/fantasy novel in a way that was startling and had no previous indications of earlier in the book. Up to the last 20 pages I thought it was interesting, even when it was dense, but the end felt like the author didn't know how to end the novel and just used the deus ex machina of supernatural occurrences.

My goal for 2025 is to read majority nonfiction. I don't know if I'm going to actually meet that goal, but I'll try. I don't have any goals for how many books I want to read, especially because I tend to read nonfiction quite a bit slower than fiction, so I don't have a good idea of what my reading amount goal should actually be. This year I also forgot entirely about my attempt to read all of Jean Genet's (translated) works, so I will hopefully actually meet that goal in 2025, since I only have one or two books left to read. But my first three books of the year are going to be Soldiers Don't Go Mad by Charles Glass, which I started this year but didn't finish, The Declared Enemy: Texts and Interviews by Jean Genet, and Rogues: True Stories of Grifters, Killers, Rebels and Crooks by Patrick Radden Keefe.

[wherethestoryendss]

about me ᝰ.ᐟ

𐙚 hii! my name is emily, but some of my nicknames are em, emmy, or lulu.

i am 15 years old and i’m a fem lesbian. my pronouns are she/her.

𐙚 i’m very open to making new friends so don’t feel shy to dm me!

my interests ᝰ.ᐟ

𐙚 i love reading, playing guitar, listening to music, riding my bike, baking, and more.

some things i like are: heathers, girl interrupted, tlou, twd, hamilton, arcane, 10 things i hate about you, grease, the breakfast club, life is strange, and more

𐙚 i loveee music too, some bands/singers i like fleetwood mac, america, the beatles, the sundays, the innocence mission, margi guryan, the cardigans, wild nothing, the eagles, and more.

if you have any questions lmk!!

[blindrapture]

lulu at s tier is a fucking wacky take bro i had to double check the tier letter meanings to make sure i read that right

you know nothing of me, then. Lulu has been S-tier for me ever since it came out in 2011. Metallica has never been a part of a greater albim, though admittedly they haven't been trying that hard since. no shade really at Hardwired or 72 Seasons, they had a much more simple goal and are good albums for that.

but Lulu? man.

Lulu was just *actually great.*

some of Lars's best drumming. fascinating atonal exploration. and if you've ever seen the operas the album is based on, or even just Pandora's Box the silent film that tells the same story, you'd see how wild it is to base an album off of that. it's feminist in an old-timey way, but even *that" was apparently necessary, as people weren't even ready for *that." the lyrics are good. I listen to the album multiple times a year.

it may be the weirdest album for Metallica, but it's nothing short of admirable that Metallica wanted to do it. they made an anti-metal album. and as an anti-metal album, it's a goddamn masterpiece.

EDIT: I wrote this as I had just woken up and had to go quickly. I would be willing to think of a more reasoned thing to say about it, as what I said was probably defensive. (to like Lulu is to be at least a little defensive. you've seen how other people treat it.) I can't really claim it is *the* greatest album they've done, as it's a very different kind of album, and for their more conventional metal albums they have definitely made masterpieces. but Lulu is in a different category. and *for what it does*, it is remarkable.

"anti-metal album" is probably accurate, though it could be a confusing term. it uses the language of metal albums-- the instruments, the tempos, and the general tone of the riffs-- but uses that language to make something that's kind of an antithesis. like St. Anger, it is not the metal of "shit, I wanna punch somebody;" it is the metal of "shit, I wanna punch myself." it is heady, and asks you to be patient during pretty impatient stuff. it is not an *easy* album, absolutely!

and as for the concept, to still keep this short, it's literally about a girl who just wants to be happy, who everyone around her *hates* and projects their hatred onto. which itself feels very appropriate for how the album is seen. it's ten stories of people who really, really fucking hate Lulu and would rather she be something else.

I just. I really damn like it, okay. it's S-tier *for me.*

[hide-your-bugs-away]

Thank you for the tag @angrytranspossum !!!! Much appreciated, and rambling will be INEVITABLE. 🙏

Favorite Movie: Dont Look Back (1967) 100%. Some day very soon, I'm going to make an entire video about how genius the cinematic structure of Dont Look Back is along with the roles of the "characters" and how imperative each and every one of them is to the narrative arc that follows Bob... But beyond its cinematic magnificence, I just really love seeing the dynamic of that tired, cynical, introverted yet good-natured rock&roll poet has with everyone in his circle, and the film letting the viewer in on this dynamic. It's such a cozy film, and a really easy one to get into if you're a classic rock fan, especially a fan of 60s music - even if you don't have all of Bob's music and history committed to memory. I knew barely anything about him watching it for the first time... and now it's my favorite movie ever. It also features this silly and fruity British guy who wanders in drunk from time to time and plays really good piano... Alan Price, I think is his name? 🤔

Favorite TV Show: I personally don't watch serialized, fictional shows, since I don't have the mental capactiy to keep up with those sorts of things, but I legitimately loved The Owl House as it came out! Which is funny, because fantasy and horror are two genres I don't engage with much, if at all... but just make everyone LGBT and then it clicks with me. I am basically The Collector with regards to Animals memorabilia 🙏

Favorite Musical Artists: ALAN PRICE ALAN PRICE ALAN PRICE *BASHES MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL* Such an incredible pianist and songwriter.. Besides him, I of course can't shut up about The Animals either 🏳️‍🌈😔 I also really like Donovan, Herman's Hermits, Georgie Fame, Lulu, The Beatles, Dusty Springfield, and a whole lot of Motown music (SUPREMES!! SMOKEY ROBINSON!!) British Invasion/60s music in general! In terms of "modern" music, I like Glass Animals a lot (been listening to their stuff since "How To Be A Human Being" came out).

Favorite Color: Lavender

Favorite Season: Autumn (no allergies 🤞)

Favorite Book: I'll admit, it's been ages since I've read any fiction or books with a traditional narrative since I usually just read biographies now... One of my "recent" favorites is Andy Blackford's "Wild Animals", which features soooo many GOOD color photographs of the Animals, along with a succinct, detailed biography!! WITHOUT TOO MUCH ANTI-ALAN BIAS YAY. "Ready, Steady, Go!: The Weekend Starts Here" is also one I’ve enjoyed so far and am excited to dive deeper into.

Do you have any Funko Pops? : Two, for the sake of my Price-Burdon collection - my friend @/tealightwhimsy got me Leafeon and Glaceon figures because I associate those Pokémon with Eric and Alan respectively. 🙏

Do you play any instruments? : I used to, in high school, when I was in marching band - specifically, the xylophone, marimba, and auxiliary percussion. I stopped because I've become shyer over the years and don't really like performing anymore... I like having my art speak for me instead. ALAN PLAYED THE VIBES AT ONE POINT, THOUGH!! So we played similar instruments at one point, which is cool!! 🥹

Do you have any pets? : I live with three dogs and four rabbits! And I'm allergic to rabbits... 😆

Do you read or write Fanfiction?: Reading fanfics, not so much anymore, mostly because my special interest in The Animals means there's not really anything out there besides the self-indulgent shit I write, haha (especially because I have my own historical fanon and interpretations of the band's dynamic,, I read my own stuff a lot, I'm afraid 🥶). I do read Pokémon fanfics from time to time because there are a lot of gays throughout the series, especially the new games, that are fun to speculate about. I also read anything and everything @/unchained-daisychain writes because she's got that galaxy brain in terms of prompts and scenarios and skills!!! Writing, though, I still do when I have the time between art projects - most recently focused on my Price-Burdon essay-turned-passion-project, but I do want to dabble in writing some more fictitious Animals scenarios and studies in the future... yes, self-indulgent Price-Burdon stuff will of course come free-of-charge, but their fractured dynamic as a band is fun to explore, especially the forces above them that were driving them apart.

What song(s) have you had on repeat repeatedly? : "Hampstead Incident" by Donovan, and "Left Over People"/"Is There Anybody Out There?" by,, cONNIE ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ALAN PRICE AGAIN,,

wheeEee tagging:

@majito18 @hilton-my-luvx @bobbyhasstardust @unchaineddaisychain @gasstationwomen

[coredrill]

bravern

i’m rly vibing w senor bighands design thus far………………i hope it looks good in action!!! the deathdrives’ designs have been pretty hit or miss for me tbh, like i rly love superbia and cupiridas but knuth/pessimism/vanitas are more meh…….like i generally enjoy the unique shapes in THEORY but i just feel like they also suffer a lot from being overdesigned the way a lot of modern 3d mecha are and it makes them kind of hard to parse out on screen which is :/ like so many of the shots are just so BUSY that it’s hard for me to get a handle on what is going on yknow? i can’t stop thinking abt what that shot of bravern saluting smith would look like if there were less details fjdbjfjdndbdn

if burn bravern + superbia gattai. that robot will literally be red + yellow + green + blue + purple. 🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉️

if on the off chance it turns out lulu IS biologically related to smith. i think it’ll make that one scene from ep3 where the hotel owner is like “🤨 she doesn’t LOOK like your sister” a fucking million times funnier LMFAO. also i am still suspicious of why her name is lulu if NOT being just the repeated first syllable of smith’s name like a noriko -> nono situation. this has fr been my tin foil hat theory since ep3 and i am not letting go until the end!!!!!! (although also side note that in general i am not EXPECTING any of this lmao. i honestly am mostly just finding such joy in the fact that this show is batshit insane enough that stuff like this is like. relatively plausible? at least to consider floating around? like it’s the same w the “lulu is biologically smith AND isami’s daughter cause isami’s blood dripped in bravern and her hair is blue and her eyes are red and she pilots the PURPLE deathdrive” thing - like the fact that i’m not immediately rolling my eyes at the idea tickles me greatly LMAO)

the way that the pieces for this episode have been positioned intrigues me to no end. like. it’s bravern + lulu + superbia(? i assume) Who Know and isami Who Doesn’t. and the side characters who ALSO don’t know are also not there (at least in the setup). although tbh i could see miyu having an inkling abt it or at the very least being super chill like she was in the Bad Future. like that rly opens the floor up from both a plot perspective (don’t have to worry about whatever power these new DDs have cause only the core cast will be affected) and from a character perspective (don’t have to cut to the faces of Literally anyone but isami going like 😲 once the truth is revealed. if isami doesn’t figure it out for himself first. or however that plays out) and its so smart on the whole and i’m genuinely so excited to watch it play out!!!!!! like even if miyu et al roll up in the last two minutes to help save the day with um. idk it’d have to be smth completely new i suppose cause they sure do have like one gun that is marginally effective against the DDs FNDJFJJDJS it pares things down for max efficiency which is really smart imo

japan and the US jointly developing a mech that reads your brainwaves is the most sus thing in the world LMAO like i could not sleep at night if that thing were real even moreso than the deathdrives themselves

i think there’s at least one more twist left. like ep9 was The Twist and then they pulled time travel AGAIN in ep10 which is genuinely WILD to me. so like. idk maybe ep11 is Old Man Isami coming back from ANOTHER future to sunbathe in the volcano FNNDNFN

i am also not counting out a g gundam style ending yet and Getting Smith Outta That Thing. obviously my own biases are very much at play here but like. if the moral of this show is that you gotta live no matter what you just HAVE to live and fuck time and space and convention because the people who love you will make sure you live. like. if any show is gonna have its cake and eat it too and keep both bravern AND smith around? i feel like this one could pull it off!!!! not placing bets ofc but like its possible yknow? but again that is also based on the assumption that the end point of the show is at all congruous with its current status quo, and something that my feeble human mind can even conceive of with the information that is given, so we shall see. LMAO. the idea that they’re all just gonna be fucking isekai’d into the florist AU that staff loves so much is ANOTHER idea that tickles me greatly for being something so in line with the insanity of this show that i cannot IMMEDIATELY rule it out even if i very much doubt that’s where we’re going LMFAO. bc smth like that sure would fucking vibe w the final battle taking place somewhere “unexpected” (again, if that’s true, idr if it was just a rumor or not) and also how uninterested the show has been w the state of the world at large barring a few scenes. HM.

anyways final predictions for this ep is that i will cry atleast once 👍

[bosesmikas]

The Next Next Generation kids (born in the 90s)

(Just to keep track. Also inspired by @einsteinsugly. Srsly, I’m obsessed with your verse)

Julian Alexander Dupree-Sanchez (born late ‘96) - He has a sharp tongue like Millie but has a big heart like Caroline. I haven’t thought deeper into it since me and @disneymbti just started talking about their octopulets but later, I’ll create distinct personalities and remake a post.

Miguel Ryan Dupree-Sanchez - He’s very kind, sometimes to the point where he’s oblivious when people are being mean. That doesn’t mean he’ll let people walk all over him though. He’s also gay and proud of it.

Beatriz “Bee Bee” Jody Dupree-Sanchez - Bee is very smart and intuitive. She’s very good at reading people and knows how to cheer people up. She loves bubblegum pop and the pop punk aesthetic. Her dream is to be a musician.

Mariana “Mary” Caroline Dupree-Sanchez - Mary comes off as a ditz but is actually super intelligent. She’s gets straight A’s and loves to exercise.

Ethan Louis Dupree-Sanchez - Ethan is very clever and sharp-witted young man with quick remarks and a protective side. He's really good at playing chess and knows how to be a good talker. He loves indie rock music and the smell of wood and leather. His dream is to be a lawyer.

Ella Alice Dupree-Sanchez - Ella is a smart and focused young woman with a heart of gold and ambitious about her future. She's really good at planning big events and listening to people talking about anything really. She loves watching musicals and reading about personality types. Her dream is to be a party planner.

Ariana Sofia Wilde (Melissa and Dave’s daughter) (born early ‘97) - Ariana is a feminist and kind-hearted young woman with a strong-minded aura about her. She's really good at making music and knows how to fix things with her bare hands. She loves reading books and listening to rock music. Her dream is to be a music producer.

Mia Anne Forman (late ‘96) - Personality wise, she’s actually nothing like Eric nor Donna. She’s a lot like Kitty. Kind, sometimes over optimistic, well meaning, along with a sharp tongue.

Kat Hyde (early ‘96) - She’s very into the pop punk aesthetic and can come off as intimidating similar to her father but has the biggest heart. She’s pretty feisty and blunt similar to her mom and was in the cheerleading squad during high school.

Reggie Hyde (early ‘96) - He tries to be tough like his dad but is really bad at it. He also pretty in touch with his feelings to the point where kids at school tease him for being gay (he's not). He's super smart but also has a bunch of conspiracy theories.

Lula "Lulu" Julia Mitchell (early '96) - She loves fiercely and is brave like her mom. Lulu loves candy to the point where she wants to make her own and sell it. Also, she's a lesbian who's into hyper feminine women.

Kira Amaya Kwan (late '98) - Kira is a calm and easygoing young woman with patience on her fingertips and a old soul spirit. She's really good at helping animals and making people feel comfortable around her. She loves rose scents perfumes and the smell of lavender and ocean. Her dream is to be a author.

Cleo Joy-Martelli (mid '99) - Cleo is a bold and confident young woman with a dreamy outlook of the world and has a charm with her in her bones. She's really good at giving hugs to people she loves the most and singing songs with her band. She loves the smell of smoke and lavender and playing her music out loud to people. Her dream is to be a world famous Broadway singer.

Anne-Marie Lauren Kelso (early '99) - She's a huge bookworm and loves to read, to the point her friends and siblings tease her (basically a Rory Gilmore). Every day, she comes to the library after school (present day, she works there). Oh yeah, Jonah is her Logan :)

Margot "Margie" Anne Kelso (early '99) - She's very quick witted and uses a lot of dry humor, similar to Red. But does have a good heart. Her dream is to be an artist and is currently taking art course as of present.

Elizabeth "Lizzie" Kristina Kelso (early ‘99) - She loves acting and majored in drama.

Arnold James Barnes (early ‘95) (based off of Jesse Kelso, @tht70sblog’s oc) in a way, except way less redeemable)- The school delinquent who got held back more than one can count. He was Anne-Marie’s boyfriend. He’s known to cause trouble and hurt people with no remorse. He was mostly raised by Ryland Barnes. His mom, Sophie, isn’t really in his life that much. Margie and Lizzie were against Anne-Marie dating him, mostly because he was 18 and she was still 15 at that point. After being sent to juvenile detention for theft, he dumped Anne-Marie via letter.

Julia Johnson (early-ish ‘99) - She’s very smart and suspicious. Kinda like the moral compass in a way. Julia is a creative and passionate young woman with a fierce heart and a bold fashion sense in her outfits. She's really good at designing outfits and not listening to people's mean words about her. She loves watching Aubrey Hepburn movies and the smell of perfume and vanilla in the air. Her dream is to be a fashion designer.

[mintywolf]

A Long Road Home Author Notes - Page 1

Hello! Going forward I’m going to be attaching author notes here on my personal blog for anyone interested in hearing me ramble about this. :)

For Page 1.

If you’ve been following me for a while you probably know me best from Guardian, my last big comic. (For those who don’t, it’s a graphic novel about Lulu from Final Fantasy X. You can read it here: @guardian-comic) Since finishing work on that in early 2020 I’ve been struggling to get a new project started. I’d had a number of other original and fan projects backburnered but found I had a hard time caring about them. (Or honestly, much of anything, after the plague malaise took over. A lot of things, on both a global and personal scale, happened in 2020 that made art just Hard in a way that it hadn’t been before, a feeling I’ve seen shared by a lot of creatives at the time.)

Then CR Campaign 3 started and I don’t know what it is exactly about Laudna and Imogen but these characters and their relationship have my entire heart. I have not hyperfixated this hard on something in years. As with Guardian the impulse to express all the heart emojis bursting out of the depths of my being in the form of an unwieldy graphic novel came out of nowhere, and the beginnings of it came in a dream. (Although as also with Guardian, the pages that I dreamt for it never actually made it into the comic, haha.) I woke up that morning feeling in my soul that it was Time. 

Fortunately I have the benefit of 10 years of experience this time so rather than just diving headlong into another opus I spent several months planning, outlining, writing the script, and working on character designs. I’ve thought before that if I’d known exactly how big Guardian was going to be at the outset I never would have been able to get started. This time I know. And friends . . . it is another behemoth. D: A few times, watching the script steadily balloon in size, I stopped to think what are you doing, this is insane, this could be a fic and take a fraction of the time, but I have no sense of artistic self-preservation. :D

I’m still scared! I know from having done it before that I can do it again, but it still feels very Big and I’m still working my way back up to the level of artistic productivity I had then. But I’m excited about it in a way I haven’t been about a creative project in a long, long time.

For a long time it didn’t have a title, it was just called “Southern Gothic Meet Cute Prequel Comic??” at the top of the script page. That got shortened to “Southern Gothic,” which fits it both as a ship and a genre, but I decided that was a little too cheeky since it is the ship name (one of them) and also not very indicative as a title. The meaning of the new one will I hope become evident as the story goes on. (I never did change the tumblr url though. It is what it is.)

Yeah so! Here we go. Here’s Imogen, with some curiously bare arms!

It’s implied that Flora is a white horse (when Imogen selects horses for the journey to the Heartmoor Chetney remarks that he thought she’d prefer a white horse, but she says she doesn’t want to replace Flora) and originally I intended to draw her that way but I ended up liking the palomino paint look. (Incidentally my first horse in Breath of the Wild looked like this so it’s kind of nostalgic for me. ;)) She’s still mostly white. She kind of disappears from the scene because it’s a dream. In the narration she always runs away before the storm hits.

I think I over-rendered the backgrounds, haha. But I just got all these cool grass and field brushes just for this! (Available here.) The quilt was also more intricate originally but I didn’t want to drive myself insane trying to keep the pattern the same every time we see it, so I simplified it a little. It’s still cute. Also a recurring staple of my art: cute jammies. :)

Her bedroom is in the attic, which we’ll get a more clear picture of later. I imagine she’d have moved up there to be as far away from the presence of other minds as possible.

[luimagines]

((Story telling imagine))

The chain with Ethan portal into ethan's hyrule, in gerudo desert but the chain notice Ethan slient excellent but can't figure out why as they walk on the hot sand and the beating sun on them all did make the few chain members uncomfortable. The book let out a small hum and time notice it.

Time: do you know,why Ethan excited about book?

Book: heh, two things. One: the gerudos see Ethan actually a human being and not seen as well Ganondorf plus the gerudo hate hyila for a reasons youll understand when the time comes and second: slime blobs.

Time amd few are confused about slime children and they never heard or seen one but suddenly they hear children giggle or laughing and look but only see a giant rock that block a good size making shade spot big and there a big pond that the water is clear and when wind stick his hand in the water it's cold and wind lay down relax as the chain follow but hyrule gasp loud as the chain look and next to hyrule a slime come out the water size of a child and it giggle to see hyrule. Hyrule fell on his butt staring at the slime and reach for his sword but Ethan place his hand on hyrules hand to stop him.

Ethan sign language: it's okay, their can't harm anyone. That's lulu. She is a good friend of mine.

Lulu giggle and turn back to a blob amd humping to Ethan and jump in his scarf arms and lulu saying Ethan.

The chain look back to suddenly see more slime blobs like lulu and time seeing and read Ethan sign language so he place down his sword and seven slime blobs hump over to time and talking like curious children to him and their cold so they help cool down the chain in a way.

Warrior have one blob slime in his hands and is poke it and is amazing by it, for four, he have four slime blobs and those four slime blobs change from clear to four colors *blue,red,vio and green* and legend try not to shiver since the few slime blobs change their shapes to rabbits and their once clear now pink on him and being cute.

Ethan smile to see the chain relax minus wind and wild they in the water with the rest of the blob slimes to mimic the way the water is even throw them up in the air and catch them too.

Ethan relax til he felt lulu softly tag his shirt as Ethan look down to her.

Lulu: ethan...weres your....other eye?..

Wild hear lulu question and have the perfect view to see Ethan's sign language her and move his hair bangs to show her, wild wish he didn't see or read his sign language.

Wind: wild? You okay?

Wild: **his eye have to be remove cause of the yiga-**

Wind: what?! Yiga did what?!-

Wild slap wind mouth shut but it's too late the chain and Ethan heads shot up to hear yiga but they don't see them so warrior look to wild and wind and ask what their talking about.

Wild: um it's nothing me and wind are messing around-

Slime blob: you say yiga remove his eye.

Chain: what? Who's eye?-

The chain stop to think and then it click as they slow look to were Ethan is and Ethan bangs are back to cover his other side of the face but he mute sign.

Ethan: yiga attack me when I was on the path to get to gerudo city that's hidden and I was ambushed, we fight but I didn't notice they put poison on their weapons.....one of them got lucky and cut my eye......the gerudo guards lucky was on duty and help me but....had to help...remove my eye since it was poison with a hight dose and would have killed me....so they had to rip it out....

Warrior flinches. "My condolences. I doubt that would have been easy."

Time shakes his head, running his hand over his scar absentmindedly.

Wild stands up at once but finds himself at a lost for words. He did try to stop Wind.

Wind chews his lip, seeing the others reactions. Whoops.

Legend and Twilight share a look between themselves but say nothing

Sky looks over. "Well they got all the poison out, right?"

Ethan nods.

"Then that's all there is to it. You're alive. End of story."

[lulu2992]

Ask meme!

14 questions 14 people

I was tagged by @cassietrn! Thank you :)

I don’t think I have 14 people to tag, to be honest, and it seems the shyness is back today :’) But consider yourself tagged if you see this post and want to do this too!

Nickname: Lulu

Sign: Leo 🦁 (but technically Cancer because Earth wobbles 🦀)

Height: Last time I checked, about 175 cm (5 feet 9 inches).

Last thing I Googled: I wanted to know if it was safe to eat out-of-date puff pastry. The answer is: maybe, but you probably shouldn’t risk it.

Song stuck in my head: Well... La Tribu de Dana too now! Thank you very much, @cassietrn 😆

Amount of sleep: About 7 hours, I think.

Dream job: I still have no idea…

Wearing: Loungewear

Movies/Books/Media that summarize You: I could name many but, in terms of movies, I can’t not talk about Mulan (1998) and Sucker Punch (2011). I want to add Tangled (2010) too. In terms of books, I mentioned a few further down below, but the comic book series Lou ! by Julien Neel deserves a shout-out as well. And of course, there are video games, such as The Legend of Zelda (Twilight Princess was my first and still my favorite, but Skyward Sword made me feel many emotions, and Breath of the Wild was an unforgettable gaming experience) and, you guessed it, the Far Cry series.

Favorite song: I really can’t pick just one, so instead I’m going to talk about an album I listened to for the first time today: Gag Order by Kesha. My favorite song is “Eat The Acid”, but “Happy” made me cry (the lyrics got me)…

Instrument: I learned how to play the piano but haven’t played it in years.

Aesthetic: I think what I said in a similar ask meme 4 years ago is still relevant :)

Favorite author: I don’t know... As a teen, I read and loved A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket (pseudonym of Daniel Handler) as well as Confessions of Georgia Nicolson by Louise Rennison. I recently learned that she passed away a few years ago and that truly made me sad…

Random Fun Fact: I can lick my elbow!