#loving that my journal is a testament to how beloved my girls are to me

[inkliinng]

Journaling has been one of the most rewarding activities in my life lately.

[bacchicly]

Ok super super unpopular and way too earnest and not fun take about Kevin Lynch and the rhetoric around his character and his and Pen's relationship as presented by the CM writers below the cut. I totally understand why my fellow fans hate him - in fact I think the intention is that we are supposed to hate him - but I don't think the nerdy boy character is treated much better than our nerdy girl...here's why...

....and yeah it is all about the tropes I usually explore and yeah it is Not Fun™ and I am taking issue with some common arguments and understandable arguments put forward as justification for hating Kevin - but I NEED to get these thoughts out - because right now they are all jumbled and it is driving me crazy and I don't want to be a spoil sport on a "We hate Kevin post" cus I get it! I "hate" it that Penny had to go through a shitty relationship - but that is par for the course for most of the characters on the show. Shitty relationships are the norm on CM - and that actually is logical based on the trauma these characters are regularly subjected to - the outliers are actually the good relationships! And here I would pretty much only include Matt & Kristy and Kate & what's his name and a few others - but they are hard won and the characters often had to go through a bunch of duds first.). Ok so here we go... You have been warned!!! And I have turned off reblogs mostly because I really am not attacking anyone - except maybe younger me - who would have been the first in line in the "I hate Kevin" fan club.

Edit: I have changed my mind and turned back on re-blogs. If you want to come at me or state an opposing opinion. Go nuts. I was a coward at first.

So I am fully aware I may be the only Garvez/Penelope Garcia fan on earth who doesn't hate Kevin Lunch or the writer's construction of him. Do I love him? Nope. Do I think he hurt Penelope? Yep. But I also refuse to pile on him and his behavior.

Here's why:

1. The relationship was fucked in the end - but my beloved Penny is not without a hand in that - and the final fuckery does not negate the good things about that fairly long relationship. I am really worried about the tendency for any relationship that ends or isn't all sunshine and roses to be deemed as a "waste or toxic" - I think it hurts people in real life. Relationships are not pass / fail. For me, that Penelope and Kevin figured out how to be friends - even imperfectly is testament to me that their relationship was "Not A Waste™" (and I trust her opinions and the writers on this - more about this later...) Also important note: yes - in both real life and fiction - there are truly harmful relationships and abusive partners but that is different from two people being flawed humans and a romantic relationship not working out - which I think is a fair description of Penelope and Kevin's relationship. I just re-read Crichton's Airframe and the protagonist talks about how most air accidents are not caused by a single event but a cascade of small happenings and choices that eventually lead to the accident...and that most journalism (at the time of the novel) did not report it that way was an issue. I would say this is similar to why relationships "succeed" or "fail" - it is rarely a single event but a complicated series of factors that ebb and flow. And I would argue that the writers actually did a fairly good job of depicting this within the context of the series. I love that Penelope and Kevin despite everything does what they can to stay friends after the breakdown of their romantic relationship - I think it does them both credit.

2. Both characters have strengths and flaws but IMO the writers developed them in a way consistent with their key characteristics and both reacted in ways consistent with societal pressure on both "nerdy women" and "nerdy men". Again both were imperfect and made mistakes - as did perhaps the writers - but if we demand perfect characters and relationships - where is the fun in that? I would argue that actually Penelope was painted as much more sympathetic and desirable than Kevin ever was (which makes sense since she is a core protagonist).

For example:

Kevin was given "a lot" of girlfriends after Penny... but I would argue that it was done more in a "slut shaming" mode than a "let's build him up as a player / cool guy" mode. Here's my argument: Nerdy Men are rarely granted the type of "player status" or even "good partner / parent" that "hot" male characters are granted; I would argue that this is a form of toxic masculinity at work. "Nerdy Men" are portrayed as not "deserving" healthy relationships in a way that is different than "Nerdy Women" but they are still rarely depicted as being in healthy relationships - and it is even less talked about than the negative depictions of "Nerdy Women". Yes, we see the Kevin character acting out - having multiple girlfriends - trying to be macho with Pen - but it was always done in a way that is consistent with the "jealous of Morgan" character that was crafted and, I would argue, consistent with someone who really wants a long-term stable relationship with one person but either is not great with relationships or is not able to be with someone they idealize in the way they idealize (in this case MARRIED TO PENNY). As such, the # of girlfriends in my view is not the writers "rewarding" him for his crappy behaviour but punishing him for it. It is offered as evidence of his lack of masculinity. Should Penelope have been given more or better love interests? Maybe. But that is seperate from whether or not Kevin is deserving of "hate".

3. I am super uncomfortable with the "Luke is worthy of Penelope because he is hot and nice" and "Kevin is not worthy of Penelope because he was not hot and not nice" rhetoric. The logic is based on the same flawed arguments that people who are not fans of Penelope Garcia make: she is not conventionally attractive and sometimes kinda mean (both moderately true statements) therefore she does not deserve to be admired or loved or respected (wrong). It doesn't matter if someone finds Luke attractive and Kevin not attractive - Penelope found both attractive and that's what matters. What if instead of Luke - we are given an even more sympathetic perfect partner (and I mean someone she likes, loves, and is attracted to and who likes, loves and is attracted to her - where both of them treat each other supportively and respectfully) for Penelope who was played by a very fat actor - and Penelope choses them after a relationship with Luke ends amicably ...not because Luke is bad...or their relationship wasn't very good...or they didn't love each other... But because life is complicated and fitting more than one life together - especially with their jobs - is not an easy feat... Do we hate them? Do we hate Luke? Do we demonize the writers for not giving Pen "a hot guy"? What if the writers are brave and at the same time Luke ends up happily with someone who is perfect for him and maybe even less conventionally attractive than Penelope? How do we feel?

I guess what I am saying is - love Luke and Penelope all you want...I do. I really really do...but it might be healthy for us to be very careful about completely hating on the Kevin or Lisa characters at the same time...definately not as fun... but revolutionary and self loving.

What if we and the fictional characters we love could chose the type of relationships (1 true love, serial monogomy, multiple partners) that work for us in a way that is respectful and loving of both ourselves and our partners? What if there stops needing to be a villain for relationships to end? What if ending a relationship didn't negate the good parts of the relationship - regardless of whether a relationship ends badly or not?

I don't know. I just want people to stop being in such pain about all of this in their own lives and challenging ourselves to engage with media in a way that is less fun but healthier...could maybe be a step in that direction? You are worthy of love and respect even if you aren't perfect. That doesn't mean you get a free pass to be shitty - but stop thinking only perfect people and perfect relationships are worthwhile. It's just not true.

Ok thank you for coming to my rambly no fun ted talk. Please go back to your regularly scheduled lives and enjoyment of the fandom.

[gowoshusoul]

Fanmade Chaos Insurgency Item: Grandmother’s Ring

(TW: themes of suicide, mentioned/implied domestic violence)

Item: Grandmother’s Ring

Size: Size 8

Type: A wedding ring of unknown era

Living: No

Sentient: No

Potential/current hazards: Can induce madness, can cause death

Location: Base Five

Reported Anomaly: Mind altering cognitohazard

USAGE

The Insurgency currently has no use for Grandmother’s Ring. 

REPORT

Grandmother’s name is an ornate, diamond Victorian wedding ring. It was a family heirloom before being collected by the Insurgency. While it appears to be nothing out of the ordinary, there are multiple written testimonies of its anomalous properties. Grandmother’s Ring should be kept in a standard felt ring box and should not be worn by anyone under any circumstances. 

If a married person assigned female at birth puts the ring on, they will be driven to madness. If a person assigned female at birth is not married, the ring will have no effect. 

If a person assigned male at birth puts the ring on, they will be strangled by an unseen force. 

The entity attached to the ring cannot be seen by anyone not wearing the ring and cannot be captured by cameras. Our only knowledge about the entity is from first-person accounts and interviews have proved unsuccessful. 

A picture of Grandmother’s ring before it was put in storage. 

ADDENDA

Below are relative journal entries written by the last person to wear Grandmother’s ring. Her skeleton was found with the ring still on its finger. Skeleton has been collected for testing. 

7/17/1841 

I’m to be married in a week's time. My dress was my mothers, though certain alterations had to be made for it to fit my figure. Ma was always a small thing. Petite and fragile, she preached that men would love me for my shape. For all the soft parts of me waiting to be slept on and hugged and loved. I would keep my husband warm at night, she told me. Her words ring true as my beloved Harry tells me I have more to love than the average woman and he loves me well. He spoils me more than I think I deserve, and I pay him back in poetry. He loves me, and he’ll love me more in my mother’s dress. White, floor length, modest with frills around the wrist and beading from foot to breast. My veil will be my own. My ring has been in the family for so long that we’ve forgotten the name of the woman that once wore it. I’m honored to wear it, and glad my sister declined to fight me for it. She doesn't wish to marry, she said. Rather, she fancies planting a garden with a close friend of hers. They can eat the fruits of their labor and that will be enough for them. I’m thankful for her decision. For the ring. 

7/24/1841 

It’s the morning of. From the moment I awoke, my hands trembled with excitement. They still did as my sister Adelia dressed my hair. She helped me in the dress and behind me I saw her eyes full of tears in the mirror. Behind her, I saw a flash of white in the corner of my vision. I’ve come to accept that I’ll meet the same mad end as my mother. Adelia will as well, but today is not one for lamenting the inevitable. Even if I’m to forget this day in my old age, I will enjoy it. I will revel in it for as long as it remains in my memory, and I will cherish my Harry long after I’ve forgotten his name. We have a love that transcends madness and forgetfulness. When we are old and decrepit, we will hold hands on our deathbeds and go together, neither of us willing to go alone. I’ve found a man I can face death with. No matter what greets us on the other side, we won’t be lonely. 

7/25/1841 

Last night was the greatest of my life. Even now, the next morning, my head is light and airy, my chest full of suppressed giggles as I awoke to his loving face on the pillow beside mine. There’s no feeling to compete with that of waking to see his face, to hear his gentle snoring as I sneak out of bed to write my love. Should someone one day in the future read my diary, know that there is love for you. Pure, untouched love you can never imagine before you feel it. It doesn’t happen fast. It isn’t like falling. It’s like sinking into a comfortable bed and having a blanket lovingly tucked around your shoulders. It’s a feeling of utter safety, of waking up on an overcast day with the gentle pattering of rain against the grass. You know you have nothing to do that day. You revel in the warmth until you realize the blanket wrapped around your shoulders are the arms of your beloved. You will feel love like this, too. All you have to do is give it the time to flower. 

7/27/1841

I never expected the madness to grip me so quickly. I awoke to the sight of Harry’s dark beard against the white silk pillow cases. At the foot of my bed, however, I saw a woman. Her hair was the color of straw, her eyes white and tearful. She stared through me, into something I can’t understand and spoke to me. Fear not. You are in danger, she said, and I am here to protect you. I whispered, so that I wouldn’t wake my beloved Harry, and asked her what danger I could be in. She wept into her palms. Poor girl, she said, you never could have known. I was frightened, so I turned to Harry and buried myself in his arms. I’m not sure when she left, as my head was in my beloved Harry’s chest. I listened to his heart until he woke. When I lifted my head, she was gone. 

7/30/1841 

I see her in my sleep. The weeping woman dresses in white and veiled with sheer lace. Out of the corners of my eyes, hiding behind my Harry. She sits at my dinner table and weeps in my bed. She warns me against my marriage and I tell her I won’t leave. Harry exudes love and passion. He wraps his arms around my waist and leans his weary head against my shoulder while I cook. I sit in his lap as I read and she sits across the room from me. She can’t see our love, or she chooses to look through it. I assure her I’m safe. I am loved, but every time she takes to drying her cheeks and telling me, one day you’ll understand. One day you’ll know. But I know now the love I feel. The safety of Harry’s strong arms and will. He’ll let no harm come my way. 

8/12/1841

I had an awful dream last night. It started at my wedding, though it wasn’t really my own. The man standing before me was not my Harry. He was a tough, rugged man with eyes of blue and hair of brown. It was curly and tousled. He smiled with his teeth bared and I woke as he slipped my ring onto his finger. As I look down at it now, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and the image of that man in my head. One look from my beloved Harry banishes any thought of him. However frightening that man was, my beloved is infinitely more comforting. He is safety and warmth personified. 

8/20/1841

She comes to me daily with her eyes red from drying tears. He doesn’t love you, she says, but I know she’s lying. I argue with her in the dead of night when I’m able to slip from my bed and join her on the porch. I don’t want my voice to wake Harry. She stood by the steps as I sat in my rocking chair. I told her Harry loves me, that he means no harm, but she won’t be swayed. She shakes her blond head and insists, Time will tell. I sit with her on my loneliest of nights, when Harry’s too tired from work to keep his eyes open after dinner. She reveals nothing of her life, but asks me about mine. I readily tell her. I try to comfort her. I tell her how lovely Harry was during our courting, how patient and gentle and kind he was. She hears none of it. 

8/26/1841 

I’m teaching myself to ignore her, though I hear her heels on my wooden floor in the dead of night. Back and forth down the hall, always stalling by the bedroom door but never barging in. She seems to have learned to respect my boundaries. I contemplate taking the ring off, though I fear hurting my beloved Harry’s feelings. I shall keep it on, as a testament to my love and a promise to her that Harry can be trusted. She whispers to me that my mother thought the same thing as my father. That she saw the same light and felt the same comfort in her own husband. But those men are different from my beloved. I tell her she has no reason to doubt him, that it’s unfair to judge him for the acts of men that have come and gone. She won’t hear me. 

8/27/1842

I had another horrible nightmare and woke to a cold, empty bed. The same man as before was in the dream. The same ring was on my finger. He took me by my hand and led me to bed. I refuses to lie with him and his face twisted with terrible anger. He took my hips in his wide hands and I relented. In spite of his anger, there was a warmth to him. A light that shines through his blackened soul and gave me hope that he might one day change. As my dress slipped from my shoulders, the dream ended. She was waiting for me by the door. Her cheeks were wet with tears. I was like you once, she said, men never change. I told her my Harry has nothing to change. He is pure and handsome and kind. She shook her head and left me. 

9/10/1841

He plagues me nightly. Every time I lay my head down, he’s waiting for me. With every night, he looks more and more like my beloved. His hair straightened and turned black. He shouts with a voice like thunder and crashes glass against the wall when I try to comfort him. I tell him I love him. He takes the words out of my mouth. Every morning, she’s waiting for me. By the door, on the porch; an apparition following me every step of my life. That was my ring, she says, but I’d already guessed that. I asked her who she was, and she replied: It doesn't matter. I’m someone else now, and I can protect you. I need no protection, I tell her, but she doesn’t hear me. 

9/14/1841

My paranoia controls me. I finally told Harry about the woman and the dreams. He wrapped me up in his arms and kissed my hair. It’s okay, he says I’ll protect you. I’ll love you in sanity and madness alike. I’ll chase the man from your dreams and the woman from your visions. I still dream of him. I still see her, but I am loved. That’s all that matters. 

9/20/1841

My beloved Harry’s support is something I never could have imagined. When I tell him where I see the woman, he stands in front of her and blocks her from my vision. He saves me the grief of having to interact with her. She still plagues me, though she never speaks. She watches with worried eyes as Harry dips me to give me a kiss, as his beard tickles my neck with his kisses. He protects me from her, just like he said. 

10/1/1841

I’m still shaken from last night’s dream. Never in my life have I seen something so horrid, a scene so disgusting. I never would have thought my mind capable of conjuring such offensive visions. I awoke with tears and my beloved was there to hold me, to whisper into my hair that he has me, that I’m okay. And I was okay, though my hands still tremble as I write before bed. 

I dreamt of the same man. This time, though, there was something wrong with him. I was timid and small, made to feel smaller by his oppressive figure. I was backed against a wall. There were hands around my throat. My lungs burned. My lips were numb as I dug my nails into his arms. As my vision faded, I looked at him one last time to find that it was my beloved Harry. I woke to see his face on the pillow next to mine. He left a bitter taste in my mouth. 

10/2/1841

I’ve had enough. I confronted the woman, cornered her in my own home as her ghostly figure passed through my walls. I asked her who she was and she burst into tears. I noticed the bruises on her neck for the first time and she admitted to me, I am the Angel of Death. I come to you as I came to your mother and your mother’s mother, to warn you of the evil that lurks in every man’s heart and carry you away from their cruelty. I shouted at her, My Harry has no blackness in his heart. He is the off-white pages of my girlhood diary where I lamented my lack of love, where I professed my jealousy for my friends as they found love I vyed for. She shook her head, but I made her listen. My beloved Harry is good and pure. He loves me as I love him. He protects me against my madness, about the madness she brought onto me. I cursed her for my undoing. For my nightmares. For the voices that live between my ears and steal my thoughts from my head. I cursed her for daring to put such a horrible image in my head and I cursed her because I’ll never forget it. Harry heard the commotion and came to collect me. Now he lays his head on my thighs as I write. I’m infinitely thankful for him. 

10/21/1842

My nightly horrors have grown too much to bear. Every night, Harry strangles me. I wake gasping for breath with tears on my cheeks. Tears that he dutifully wipes away, though I’ve learned to flinch from his touch. He never raises a hand to me, never speaks a harsh word to me. He’s always worried, always kind. He is a light in my life, one threatened to be snuffed out by the Angel’s cruel visions of the past. I confronted her again, once again on the porch so that I might not disturb my love. I asked her why she tortures me, and she tells me again that she’s protecting me. From what? I asked. She shook her head. You still don’t see it, she said. I don’t. I never will, because my beloved is not her husband. He is not my father nor my grandfather. He is a good, patient man, and she has no right to punish me for having a love purer than hers. My love is right, I said, and yours was wrong. My heart aches for you, but I have a life to live. I have love to dive into and comfort to feel. I don’t deserve to be driven mad like my mother and my mother’s mother. She shakes her head. She doesn’t hear me. 

12/1/1841

We thought the delusion was genetic. We thought the woman mom saw in her dreams and out of the corner of her eye was a symptom of living in such an old home. Ma  grew up on stories about a fair-skinned woman roaming the halls lamenting for her short life. This was before mom ever saw her. When grandma was still alive and had the mind to tell stories of her youth. She said the woman first appeared before her on her wedding day. There was an unfamiliar face in the crowd. The woman with blond hair and white eyes was crying in a church pew next to my great-grandmother, who warned her nonbelieving child of what she called the wedding ghost. I thought she was lying or crazy. I should have known better than to doubt three generations of women seeing the same apparition. I’m killing myself tomorrow to rid myself of her. Her fear and delusions, her unending scare tactics and the wailing in the middle of the night. She hovers behind my husband, my beloved Harry, and whispers over his shoulder all the horrible things he might do to me. The horrible things he wants to do to me. She never lies, she says, she never will. She claims she knows what’s best for me, but I know best. I’ve lived in my head longer than she has. I’ll put an end to her torture. I’ll die with the ring on my finger and hide my body so that no one else should be hurt the way she hurt me. She tells me she’ll accompany me in death, that she’ll carry me to somewhere better. 

I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. I curse her. 

I curse her. I pray that my body is too heavy for her arms, that she might be tied down to my corpse, that my rotting face will torture her as she’s tortured me with Harry’s. 

My love, I’m sorry. It’s too much to bear. 

[sabriputrinada]

Free Read On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel audiobook free Audio Book by Ocean Vuong

[Audio Books] On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel audiobook free by Ocean Vuong

An instant New York Times Bestseller! 

Longlisted for the 2019 National Book Award for Fiction, the Carnegie Medal in Fiction, the 2019 Aspen Words Literacy Prize, and the PEN/Hemingway Debut Novel Award

Shortlisted for the 2019 Center for Fiction First Novel Prize 

Winner of the 2019 New England Book Award for Fiction! 

Named one of the most anticipated books of 2019 by Vulture, Entertainment Weekly, Buzzfeed, Los Angeles Times, Boston Globe, Oprah.com, Huffington Post, The A.V. Club, Nylon, The Week, The Rumpus, The Millions, The Guardian, Publishers Weekly, and more.

“A lyrical work of self-discovery that’s shockingly intimate and insistently universal…Not so much briefly gorgeous as permanently stunning.” —Ron Charles, The Washington Post

Poet Ocean Vuong’s debut novel is a shattering portrait of a family, a first love, and the redemptive power of storytelling

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous is a letter from a son to a mother who cannot read. Written when the speaker, Little Dog, is in his late twenties, the letter unearths a family’s history that began before he was born — a history whose epicenter is rooted in Vietnam — and serves as a doorway into parts of his life his mother has never known, all of it leading to an unforgettable revelation. At once a witness to the fraught yet undeniable love between a single mother and her son, it is also a brutally honest exploration of race, class, and masculinity. Asking questions central to our American moment, immersed as we are in addiction, violence, and trauma, but undergirded by compassion and tenderness, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous is as much about the power of telling one’s own story as it is about the obliterating silence of not being heard.

With stunning urgency and grace, Ocean Vuong writes of people caught between disparate worlds, and asks how we heal and rescue one another without forsaking who we are. The question of how to survive, and how to make of it a kind of joy, powers the most important debut novel of many years.

Named a Best Book of the Year by:  GQ, Kirkus Reviews, Booklist, Library Journal, TIME, Esquire, The Washington Post, Apple, Good Housekeeping, The New Yorker, The New York Public Library, Elle.com, The Guardian, The A.V. Club, NPR, Lithub, Entertainment Weekly, Vogue.com, The San Francisco Chronicle, Mother Jones, Vanity Fair, The Wall Street Journal Magazine and more!

Download On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel audiobook free by (Ocean Vuong)

Duration: 7 hours, 20 minutes

Writer: Ocean Vuong

Publisher: Penguin Audio

Narrators: Ocean Vuong

Genres: Ocean Vuong

Rating: 4.05

Narrator Rating: 4.29

Publication: Saturday, 01 June 2019

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel audiobook free Reviews

Carol M.

For me this was a poetic stream of thoughts that ultimately inform the reader about the life of Ocean, his mother, and grandparents. There were some beautiful, moving passages but overall it was hard to follow. The story is almost told in a spiral rather than any timeline. I appreciate how candid the author is in sharing his life story. Unfortunately, the narration didn’t work for me. I felt as if he was whispering his way through and it became quite annoying.

Rating: 3

Nicki C.

I had a hard time getting through this book, although it was beautifully written. It was very sad and the narrator sounded so desperate always. The writer certainly is aware of life and each word was carefully chosen. Just not my cup of tea.

Rating: 4

Lindsay C.

Amazing writing. Telling of mental illnesses in the subaltern marginalized voice. A bit more sexually explicit than I expected though.

Rating: 4

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[allieinarden]

An anonymous asker wanted me to comment on a certain analysis of Dipper and Mabel’s relationship, encountered elsewhere on the Internet, which interpreted their bond as a destructive and unhealthy one. Anon shared the original analysis with me in full, but was kind enough to provide me with a point-by-point summation of the poster’s arguments, each of which I will address herein.

A) Mabel may learn lessons, but she easily forgets them later on and doesn’t actually tangibly change as a person and doesn’t actually learn anything as her behaviour is still roughly the same.

Mabel’s a more static character than her brother, I grant you that. Dipper’s the protagonist, and as such the character whose growth is the series focus; he’s an avatar of creator Alex Hirsch himself, so there’s a lot of gentle self-deprecation in the way he’s written. But I tend to think that, in terms of story, it makes sense for Mabel to maintain a certain childishness, because that part of her comes to a head during the Weirdmageddon arc, when she has to choose between eternal childhood and the hard reality of growing older.

Dipper himself doesn’t change much during the series; he learns various smaller lessons to the effect of “just let things happen and don’t try to rush them,” but, until the finale, fails to fully imbibe the larger lesson about growing up. The events of Weirdmageddon give us Dipper at his best; he sheds the pervasive need to be seen as an adult that has characterized him from the beginning and in so doing appears at his most mature. He becomes a realist. He stops getting in his own way. At the same time, Mabel relinquishes her selfishness, the world which revolves around her, and her unwillingness to move forward, even granting Dipper the freedom to stay with Ford if he so chooses. They each grow in a far more definite way than they did over the course of the series proper, in which their character flaws were excellent plot fodder. (It’s also worth noting that in the show, as in real life, maturation is a process; we tend to revert to type, and it’s rare that one definitive “lesson” alters our tendencies. We have to learn again and again.)

B) The review ... points out that Dipper has been told the entire summer and probably his entire life that his sister is better than him, meaning his relationship with this sister, no matter how stable it might seem superficially, is actually unstable and based on one of the siblings having a lower-sense of self-worth than the other, at least subconsciously.

I don’t see any evidence that he’s received this kind of treatment, then or now. Stan is tougher on Dipper than on Mabel because he thinks the nervous, noodle-armed Dipper could use the toughening up in a way that his more energetic twin doesn’t. Wendy tells Dipper in “Sock Opera” that he should roll with Mabel’s weirdness because it makes life worth living–but note that it’s Mabel who learns a lesson in “Sock Opera,” in a deliberate reversal of various Season 1 episodes (“Time-Traveler’s Pig,” “The Deep End”) in which Dipper takes the fall. The episode starts with that message rather than ending on it because this time it’s going to be subverted; Mabel is the one who will need to compromise.

Dipper’s under no illusions that his sister is perfect; he complains about her plenty, her behavior often gets on his nerves (as his does on hers) and he asserts himself whenever it’s necessary. But he loves her–loves her, in fact, in the fullest agape sense.

The fact he values his sister’s life over his own can be used as evidence to support this, as this dovetails right into him thinking he is inferior to her, and is an unhealthy thing for him. And his motivation isn’t that he wants to save as many of his friends as possible, but rather that we wants to live long enough to find Mabel, further supporting the theory. Basically, he is his sister’s “emotional slave” as said in the analysis I quoted above.

Dipper’s willingness to put his life on the line for his sister is no evidence of an unhealthy relationship or of an inferiority complex; it’s a testament to his love for her that shows his character in its noblest light. His feeling is one that anyone with a beloved family member, be it brother, sister, parent, or child, is likely to relate to. It’s not an indication that he devalues his own life, but rather that he values her life more. There’s nothing passive or suicidal in Dipper: he has dreams, ambitions, goals for his future (if anything, his flaw is to dwell in the future too much and forget to be twelve). Like Ford before him, he harbors a hope that the things that make him different are signs of a higher destiny, one he would like to get to as quickly as possible. It’s because he values his future highly that the risk he takes for Mabel carries the weight it does. (By contrast, Mabel fears the future so much that she’s willing to throw her life away and idle indefinitely in the prison bubble; for her the heroic action is not a decision to risk her life but a decision to embrace it.)

In fact, however, Dipper does want to save as many of his friends as possible; when Weirdmageddon hits, his first move is to follow Ford into an incredibly dangerous attempt to take out Bill Cipher, cutting off the apocalypse at its source. When that falls through, it’s completely natural that he should try his hardest to find Mabel; she’s his sister, she’s been missing since the whole thing started, he has reason to fear that she might not even be alive. Worse still, the last conversation they had was a fight. With Ford down for the count, his only other “surviving” relative in Gravity Falls at this point is Stan, an adult well-capable of caring for himself.

What’s more, the revelation that Bill has locked Mabel in his prison bubble comes with the idea that rescuing Mabel is in fact the best thing Dipper can do for Gravity Falls; after observing the twins in action all summer, Wendy sees their teamwork as a sufficiently potent force to topple even Bill. She throws in her lot with Dipper because she cares about Mabel, yes, but also because she firmly believes that reuniting the twins is the key to undoing the apocalypse.

C) This right here has to do with the ask you answered last time. The person above who wrote the analysis points out that, even though both Dipper and Mabel have desires that are equally selfish and mean everything to them, Dipper still has to sacrifice more of his desires than Mabel has to as a whole. He also points out how it seems that Mabel might be a bit spoiled, as she can afford to forget the lessons she has learned while Dipper cannot do that, putting her in a privileged position.

As a beautifully-written response to my original post points out, Dipper’s and Mabel’s sacrifices add up evenly. But I think it’s also worth pointing out that Dipper, while experiencing temporary pain, doesn’t lose much from his sacrifices on the whole; where it counts (when, for instance, the journal is on the line), Mabel takes the hit. Several of Dipper’s wants over the course of Season 1 had to do with his crush on Wendy, a doomed affair regardless of what he did. In “The Time-Traveler’s Pig,” for instance, he went back in time and took away Robbie’s opportunity to ask Wendy out, childishly attempting to spare himself the pain of seeing them together. Not only would this hardly have prevented Robbie from asking her out in the future, it left the root difficulty unaltered–namely that, given the chance to go out with a boy her own age, Wendy would do it. Dipper blames circumstances and timing because it’s less painful than acknowledging that Wendy wants to date someone else. (That Wendy has her freedom is a lesson Dipper is slow to learn; he grasps it in “Boyz Crazy,” around the time Mabel is learning a similar lesson about the clueless boy band she’s hiding in the Shack.) It’s an impulsive, band-aid solution and one that can hardly help Dipper in the long run, whereas Mabel will be deeply affected by the loss of her pig, a complication Dipper caused himself when his denial made him meddle with the timeline. His sacrifice on this occasion is simply a decision to let things unfold as they did to begin with. He watches the girl he likes go out with another person and suffers some pain because of it; that’s part of growing up.

Mabel is a little spoiled, but there’s no evidence that she can “afford” to forget what she’s learned in a way that Dipper can’t; she suffers for her flaws as he does, particularly when her need for control lands her in the prison bubble.

D) Mabel seems to depend on the positivity of others to make her feel she is doing the right thing, instead of learning it objectively and maturely like other characters.

That’s a character flaw, and it’s addressed head-on in “The Last Mabelcorn”–Mabel is overly-reliant on outside affirmation and reassurance. She has a very real anxious streak and wants (as seen in “The Love God”) to make the people around her happy; she’d do well to learn that it’s impossible to please everyone, but so would a lot of preteens.

E) Mabel is responsible for opening the portal in the end which causes Weirdmageddon. People should have confronted her about this, at least mildly and without anger, but nobody did. And Dipper should have been angry with Mabel about this, but he somehow wasn’t. The theory says this is because Dipper had an emotional attachment to Mabel that was destructive & unhealthy for both of them, which is why he didn’t confront her and continued caring for her more than himself.

In fact, Dipper never found out (onscreen, at least) about Mabel’s encounter with Blendin Blandin and the subsequent opening of the portal. But even if he had, I don’t tend to think that he would have been angry, nor that he should have been.

Mabel didn’t knowingly cause the apocalypse. In an incredibly vulnerable moment, when she was at her absolute lowest, she was tricked by Bill Cipher, who had taken hold of someone she trusted. She was completely unaware of the significance of the rift–she had never seen it before, and Ford had forbidden Dipper from telling her anything about it. She had not been warned about Bill’s endgame and was unconscious of any impending apocalypse save the immediate vision of her world crumbling before her eyes. As far as she could see, she was trading a worthless item of Dipper’s for something she desperately wanted: security. What’s familiar about this? It’s exactly the situation Dipper found himself in during “Sock Opera.”  He was so desperate to fight time, so frightened of losing everything, so powerless against the clock (“Tick-tock, kid!”) that when Bill seemed to be asking him for one of Mabel’s sock puppets in exchange for what he wanted, he took the bait, inadvertently handing over something far more valuable. No one confronted Dipper about this because no one needed to; the events of the episode were lesson enough.

Should Mabel have been smarter about the whole thing? Perhaps. But keep in mind that Dipper, in a similar situation, knew he was talking to Bill. He made the deal in the full knowledge that he was shaking the hand of a fundamentally untrustworthy creature. Mabel believed that she was speaking to a friend. I don’t see any reason why Dipper should have been angry at Mabel for being tricked by a force which had not only tricked him also, but which had even played their great-uncle Ford, a highly intelligent adult and the person he admires most, for a sucker--particularly considering that Mabel acted out of a desperate fear of losing him.

The reviewer also points out how it would have been much better if Dipper and Mabel had developed by “finding their own hobbies, clubs, and friend groups while still living together and staying just close enough to remain best loving friends but not be dependent on each other to be mentally and emotionally stable” instead of the way their relationship existed in the show.

According to Alex Hirsch, the twins are in fact more independent under ordinary circumstances, when they’re at home; the unfamiliarity of a new situation pulls them closer together. But even in Gravity Falls, the two are consistently depicted as living distinct and individual lives, with their own separate hobbies and groups of friends. Mabel finds “her people” in young eccentrics Candy and Grenda, while Dipper gravitates toward the more advanced high-school social dynamic of Wendy and her crew. Mabel loves boy bands, stuffed animals and the 80s; Dipper’s steeped in paranormal research, mystery novels and fantasy RPGs. Their lives and interests intersect and conflict, but never overwhelm each other; in the end there’s room for Dipper’s ballpoint pens and Mabel’s crayons under the same pointed attic roof.

Dipper and Mabel won’t live with each other forever. They’ll grow up like any brother and sister, go to college, have lives of their own, get jobs, spouses, kids. But that’s exactly why the time they have is so important. They’re not ready to be adults yet. They still have a lot of growing up to do, and it’s right and natural for them to be able to rely on each other, to draw strength from each other, to support each other through this particularly turbulent phase of their lives, just as they’ve always done.

[overby41odgaard-blog]

Psychic Readings Online

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But I acquired my Jesuit. So started our fifteen-year relationship of spiritual director and directee. It was never a flirtation, though I had develop into quite skilled on this technique in my midlife. Pierre, you accompanied me, respected me, let me argue with you, even reprimand you, nursed me by means of the heartache of being rejected initially within the Episcopal ordination process, the grief of divorce, and the joy of remarriage, convincing me—time and again— that I was a adequate mom, and that God noticed me as valuable and honored and beloved, no matter what. Once I'd get overwhelmed and freak out you'd say: doucement cherie, doucement. Take it simple. A lot has happened since HubPages' first days in Berkeley. For one, with 35+ million distinctive guests a month, the HubPages Community is without doubt one of the most trafficked network of web sites on the net at present. In our most up-to-date iteration of HubPages, in 2016 we launched 25 topical websites. We are now often known as the HubPages Network and proceed to grow and thrive beneath this mannequin. Our growing traffic, the adjustments to our overall site construction, and our intense concentrate on content material quality is a real testament to the hard work, vision, and initiatives which have been carried out by the preliminary team at HubPages, our phenomenal neighborhood, and the present workforce of engineers, editors, and moderators that retains HubPages working every day.

I've had conversations with individuals who seem to love bad news and revel in being shocked. I do not assume they know they do it, however you get the impression your ache is their gossip, some sort of unhealthy-information porn or one thing. Although if you do get pleasure from that type of factor, you're most likely not studying this now. Besides, with every thing going on on the planet right now, I'm sure there are plenty of websites catering more for those tastes.

[gennie04s2991685-blog]

Having Breathers

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[enemymine2000]

Fandom rambles: Holy Mother Mary

Disclaimer:

Another winding ramble which might not make sense to anyone but me. Sorry, not sorry.

So ramblers, let's go rambling! Halfway through season 12 we finally begin to see Mary Winchester. I mean not the skewed view we inherited by her sons of the wife and mother beloved and missed, drilled into them by John. Holy Mother Mary. Mary Winchester was never holy in the sense that she was somehow holier than thou. Yes, she had wanted to leave hunting behind. But she never quite did, didn't she? Asa Fox' prolonged life and subsequent death is testament to that. Had she done as she said she would to time-traveling Dean in the 1970s, Asa Fox never would have lived beyond his childhood. But she was only making her rounds, right? She already had the picket fence life and no reason to look back. But she was as much unable to let go of her former life as Sam was, when a chance was presented to him.

You all know Sam's issues. Of rebellion against the machine (his father). He had been out, but as we all had to realize, it always had been quite a scam. His so called friends had all been set up by Hell to keep an eye on Azazel's golden boy. Azazel who we now finally know was not only some weird yellow-eyed demon, but a literal Prince of Hell, and Sam was to lead his army. Sam would have never been able to fully leave the life and his years away were all but an illusion.

Once Sam returned, he was unable to go back to the picket fence. No matter how much he sometimes wishes for it, in a pinch he always chooses the family business.

Sam is Mary's parallel. She had wanted out, but never stood a chance. And she knows it to this day. She regrets the choices of the past that led her boys to lead the life she so loathes. But she just can't give it up herself and thus makes even more mistakes. Look at when Mary came back to life. The first days spend in confusion about this world that had changed so much, the boys who now where now men and the legacy that simply never let go. (Never the other way around, it's always one or the other legacy coming back to haunt them.) Mary coped the only way she could by immersing herself in John's journal and followed by her literally walking in his footsteps. Right back into hunting and thus into the hands of the BMOL.

Mary is Sam before Sam had to detox from demon-blood. Before experiencing a state of soullessness. Before having to make the choice between himself and his brother over and over again.

Sam might not be in his own journey where Dean already is – far along the road to self-discovery and thus out of the unhealthy co-dependency – but he is getting there slowly. This season has given us the awed son, coming to terms with a loss, he never was quite allowed to let go. I think we will see him through to the end of that path. And the season finale about “consequences of cosmic proportions” might very well give us a Sam making the choice between the mother he yearned for his whole life, who he was practically taught to worship, and his brother(s). But for once not because of his unhealthy co-dependency, but because it simply is what is right compared to what is easy.

See, the BMOL stand for the easy choice. Same as the American version did before being killed off by Abaddon.

We were told as much when we first learned about them. Men of Letters don't hunt! Hunters are beneath them. They don't dirty themselves with the hard questions and choices hunters have to make every single day. The easy choice: Gank them all! No matter if it's an Alpha Vampire or a newly turned soul. No matter if the vessel still holds an innocent soul together with the demon – don't get me started on the ritual that can change demons into humans again. Crowley's vessel has no other entity in it than Crowley (otherwise the meat-suit would be able to operate whenever Crowley leaves it). The original soul has long died off. In that Crowley truly is Cas' mirror – an angel and a demon in otherwise soulless vessels respectively.

Thus we don't know what would happen with that ritual if there was the original host still in play.

The Men of Letters don't care if you could be saved, they simply won't.

And enter from stage left, Mr. Ketch. He is the BMOL's weapon. Their cleaner. Their Mr. Wolfe. (I got that Tarantino-vibe from him from the beginning. Thanks to 12x12 “Stuck in the Middle (with you)” it has now gone canon.) Who now in turn has got Mary to do his dirty work for him. It's the Colt (and a lot of other weapons) he is after. The BMOL simply don't want to share and their offer to do so with the Winchesters is a simple strategic one. They need the legendary Winchesters to convert the American continent to the same system of dealing with “things” as they have done with the British Isles. (Hear, how they never say the rest of Europe is on board with that!) They and in extension Mary simply don't know how legendary the Winchesters (standing in for the hard choice) truly are.

You see, Mary has been dead, so she is excused. Those are still her little boys, her babies, she wants the world to be a safer place for. She had not yet enough changes to reconcile the past with the present and the simply truth, that she is not needed to protect and shelter them from harm. But she is going down that road – if only because she now saw that even the King of Hell will fight a losing battle and an angel willing to die for them.

The BMOL have not yet realized that their arrogance will cost them.

Yes, Mr. Ketch now has the Colt and they have all those nice little gadgets, but they don't have heart like hunters, especially the Winchesters, do.

The Winchesters' files, as shown in 11x23 and 12x01, are woefully inadequate and probably false in very important, world defining details.

Now they have sent Mary against a demon, who turned out to have yellow-eyes, a detail that simply was not on file. Even if you don't know that yellow eyes equal Prince of freaking Hell (like the Winchesters have not known) you still should have known that that means very bad business. Especially when coming into contact with the Winchesters.

If both files would have been correctly maintained, the BMOL would have known that. But for Mr. Ketch it is still a matter of business as usual and a fake apology.

Well, those never went over well with Winchesters. Or Campbells for that matter. Mary is both and a mother to boot.

Mary Winchester is very much flawed and has just begun to reconcile her vision for her boys with the reality of the battle-hardened, legendary Winchester Brothers. Same as she needs to reconcile her vision of a peaceful future with the reality that there is no black and white, only various shades of gray. That “things” can be humane and “people” are often very much monsters.

It will be her road of reconciliation which will drive Sam's arc of self-discovery to a closure – I hope, for he has been on it for far too long now – while mirroring a lot of it.

At the moment I don't know, how Mary can come out of this season alive. I somehow see a self-sacrifice in the finale. But you know what, I would be okay with that. We know Mary's soul has a place in Heaven no matter what. She had already found her peace and Chuck bringing her back, as nice as it was a gift for Dean, was only the latest of His dick-moves. Honestly just self-service: “Look at me, what a great and loving father I am to all of my creations. Here have a gift bag for your troubles, which ultimately I have caused.” Otherwise someone might have wanted to ask Mary before resurrection for her opinion on that matter.

Dean surely didn't need her back.

Yes, he loves finally having a mom, but he doesn't need a mom anymore. (12x04 “Is it okay, if I still call you Mom?” ... “Great, now I've turned into a thirteen year old girl.” - He is self-aware about the absurdity of wanting a mom, when he doesn't truly need one anymore.) He is as grown-up as he can be at this point. Basically all his insecurities have been resolved when he went to face Amara with the soul-bomb in his chest.

He knew he wanted to live, because he has things and people to live for. But also because he is damn well worth it to live for himself. But he was still able to go to his certain death, for once not to safe his brother and their co-dependency. He went for the world and humankind – Sam just happens to be part of that – and angel-kind – Cas just happens to be part of that – and demon-kind – Crowley just happens to be part of that. He didn't do it for Chuck, for Chuck is an asshole just like John, and Dean has come a long way and can finally acknowledge that his father(s) sucked.

This season the blood contract with Billie was a means to an end and fulfillment part of the deal. He would have offered himself because he simply is at peace now.

There might be neither Heaven nor Hell waiting for a Winchester anymore, but he made peace with that. He lived a life of purpose and it began for all the wrong reasons, but he did a lot of good with the hand he had been dealt. He knew, that he has people that love him, that would mourn him – and he is finally at a place were he accepts it and understands why – but he knew that they would be able to move on eventually for they still had their lives of purpose to fulfill.

Especially Sam, who Dean sees can have that, if he just finally let's go of his past and accepts himself. He sees the bunker as an opportunity for his younger brother not as some sort of hunter life prison/MOL legacy and knows Sam will one day realize it too. Hence, he for once would willingly give his life to fulfill the contract instead of having Sam be the one not because of the old mantra of “safe Sam at all costs”, but because he is at peace and sees that Sam could build a legacy for the brothers by himself.

Sam, as stated above, has not yet come that far on his on road of self-discovery. He still mourns the life that could have been.

A large part of which is Mary. So of course he welcomes the mother, he never had before, in a way unlike Dean. He very much is the son she wants, for he never had been a mother's son before. Only ever the son of his father and charge of his brother.

But he has already started down that road.

He has been tortured by the worst of the worst and now finally he starts to realize that he came out on top despite all of this. Despite the memories of Lucifer torturing him, despite the memories of craving demon-blood, of being more monster than man, when being soulless, he came out on top. He still feels compassion for others.

But he is now also able to start and differentiate between his pathological need for compassion for others (his former way of redeeming himself) and the very reality of never showing compassion towards himself.

Yes, he has done all that. Yes, maybe he is sometimes more monster than man. But even Sam freaking Winchester deserves to be saved.

It only took an angel placing the burden of cosmic consequences upon himself to finally opening his eyes for the possibility of his life not necessarily having to end in his own blood.

Having his mom around, especially in her not-quite-belonging state, will only drive that point home further, for he finally has a person where he can look at and see his own failings mirrored with his eyes open.

Part of that will include him realizing, that as much as he loves the image of his mother, he doesn't necessarily need Mary Winchester to play that role.

And Mary herself? Well, she is thrust into this world she simply does not understand. Everything has advanced so much. Not only technology, but also world views. The world simply is not her place anymore.

If she would have been asked before her resurrection, she might have answered, that yes, she would very much love to be with her boys. But the reality is not Heaven's version for her. Her boys grew up and they don't need a mother. They might need a motherly friend, but they buried their mom a long time ago and the image they grew up has nothing to do with the Mary Winchester that she was even before her resurrection. Which the boys know due to some nifty time-travel, but Mary can't remember.

So Mary turns to hunting. The one thing she swore she hated and wanted to leave behind, even when was not able to really do it even before burning on the ceiling. Hunting occasionally, justified to herself to keep their boys safe, is one thing, but hunting in a post-apocalyptic world, where the Winchester Brothers are stuff of legends is another monster. Mary still justifies it with the mantra of keeping her boys safe, making the world safe for them, without wanting to acknowledge that those very boys saved the world a couple of times now all by themselves and that she, with being so out of touch with the present is more of a liability for them than help.

Mary's road will be to acknowledge that while she still is their mother, she doesn't need to be their mom, but rather a motherly friend. That she needs to look for a way for herself and not for a way to keep doing what she always had done. And maybe going back to her personal place in heaven might be just it for her.

Unwittingly setting her sons up in that death trap with Ramiel and having to see Cas nearly die and being saved by Crowley has started her up on a new path. The belief-system, instilled by Samuel Campbell (another legacy right here) and passed down through John, that people are to be saved, things are to be hunted is being challenged.

The “things” were doing the saving and her sons were willing to die, if only so one of those (better) “things” won't die alone. Because they are all family.

I think, where Mary was until now just humoring Sam and Dean (and only just being willing to do so because, well, ANGEL) is finally starting to understand that family goes beyond blood. It even goes beyond species and past deeds. Everybody can be saved, when the literal King of Hell is willing to lay his life down the line without any gain for himself! (Excursion:

Yes, Crowley stated his best interests for keeping the Winchesters  around at Ramiel. Practically the same things he told Rowena, when she first appeared. But never forget that the Crowley of six years in the past, who made a deal with a Prince of Hell to become King himself, was a very different beast. That spiel about “better having the Winchesters as allies and kill all my enemies than have them kill me” as reasonable as it is, is what a former crossroads demon would say. The King of Hell who has briefly reconnected with his humanity and had a very strong (b)romance with demon and Mark Of Cain Dean is a different matter.

Crowley does not gain personally or for hell in most instances of “assistance for the plaid-covered nuisances” anymore. Not taken into account that literally everybody gains his continued existence when not crossing the Winchesters and well every year or so Apocalypses and end of world scenarios are being successfully averted. Which of course is always a nice bonus for everyone.

No, Crowley likes (loves?) Dean and has come to terms with the fact that his BFF is a package-deal. He likes (loves?) him enough to safe Cas, because Dean without Cas is unthinkable at this point (no matter if you ship them or not, canon now has made that especially clear this season that those two cannot live without each other). Crowley has nothing to gain from having Cas alive, but he does it anyway. Because it is the right thing to do.)

Mary witnesses this for the first time. Yes, Cas ganked Billie to prevent spilled Winchester blood, but Cas is an angel and as anyone not experienced with Supernatural's version of heavenly assholes, Mary is heavily biased towards them. (Remember the little putto -guardian angel - she had placed above Sam's crib?)

But Crowley is the impersonation of all things evil, something she is heavily biased against, and he acts more humanly as she herself was able to in that episode.

Giving up an immeasurable advantage in weaponry and allies to safe someone, while Mary herself, despite everything, still clings to an unreliable ally and the weaponry he offers, even when he is the reason for endangering everybody in the first place.

As I said, it's only the beginning of the road for Mary. The end will probably see her face the choice of giving up false security with the BMOL's promises to safe Cas from the cosmic consequences his act of love will bring upon him, the Winchesters and by extension probably the whole world.

We have seen a lot of mighties fall in this show. The image of The Mother is the next one on the list. While nicely set in contrast to the other mothers (and mothers-to-be) in the realms of this show.

Mary will fall. The question is not even “when” over “if”. It is “how far”.