#lovepeaceandhappiness

[teamovogang]

“see a mirror, take a picture” 02.15 #OOTD Glasses: @firmoo_optical Shirt: @charlotterusse Pants: @goodwillintl Shoes: @vans #ootd #sexytoddlerteacher #cute #happywednesday #humpday #firmoo #pretty #LootyBooty #Libra #explore #lovepeaceandhappiness #wintertimefine #khakicolored #blackisbeautiful #comfortable #skin #pleasedontjudgeme #dabaddestbasicbih #headass #getyoposeonloot #instagrammodelheadass #lookinglikeawholesnack #hoodafternoon #iamtheprize (at Whiskey Grade) https://www.instagram.com/p/CqYd8HjuRxr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[darkstarswitch]

Happy New Year

2020 was a dumpster fire. I am still considered an essential worker, but for the most part customers have been fairly well behaved. Of course there were a couple that just had to express  how ‘important’ they were in comparison to everyone else around them. That made for some interesting reality watching.

Okay, so it’s only the second day of the new year and it’s the same old same old. I figure all this crap about Covid *should* be under control by summer. Here’s to hoping. My Sir and I brought in the new year the way we did last year. I was asleep by 9:15 pm and he stayed up. Though some neighbors set off fireworks at midnight and I did wake up to give him a New Year Kiss. Two big bummers though. 0ne, I had to work NYD and second, the Mummers Parade was cancelled! No Mummers strutting down Broad Street. No mostly drunk, over tired, I’ve-been-up-since-6 am-yesterday spectators in the stands to wish everyone a happy new year. It sucked.

It will get better. We are getting better. I hope everyone is doing well. I hope this year is full of love, peace, happiness, music, friends and family. I hope you all find something that makes you smile everyday, tell stupid jokes that make you laugh. I wish everyone a happy 2021. I love you all!

[a-day-in-the-life-2022]

Last we left off in the story, I shared about my experiences with my partner’s addiction, domestic violence, and my realizations of the need to set boundaries. That first DV incident occurred 6 months before the next one. In the interim, my partner worked through intensive outpatient therapy and counseling to target his/her addiction and how it was connected to his/her underlying mental health issues. He/she started a new job and the stressors piled up. Again, hindsight is 20/20; knowing what I know now about addiction and relapse, I would have seen the signs (I hope). I would have realized he/she couldn’t work through those issues yet. There was insufficient time in his/her recovery.

To save time, it was a very similar incident to the first: spiraling emotions, me trying to manage the situation and keep my emotions regulated, my partner showing all the signs of drunkenness, the phone call to the police, etc. My partner was taken to jail for a few hours this time. I called on someone else to pick him up. One part being I had two kids to care for as well as my responsibilities at work and the other part being, I couldn’t handle facing him/her so soon after the relapse.

If it hadn’t become clear, I had become a pro at “trudging on.” I focused on the rational actions and roles I had to play: professional at work, confident to other staff, problem-solver, mother, house lady, chef, etc. There was not time for feelings. Any feelings coming through were anger at my spouse for putting all this responsibility on my shoulders. For being weak and letting the addiction take over. For lying and hiding the relapse from me. I reminded myself constantly I did not have it so bad; there were others far worse off than I. Stupid self-deprecating thoughts. The only other feelings I experienced were shame and guilt. For continuing to put myself in the role of the domestic violence victim. The “ifs” and “should’ves” were constant- if only I was strong enough to leave, if only I could gather the strength to uproot our family, I should have watched him more closely… I worked in a field with direct knowledge on mental health; I should know better. I made lists and plans for what separation would look like. Where our pets would go, how to manage bills, steps to sell the house, etc. But I simply kept focusing on the daily actions and responsibilities. The change was too scary.

When my spouse returned, we spent a day talking through how to get him back on a path to recovery. How to deal with the fallout and consequences. My partner ended up taking a leave of absence from his/her job. I thank the universe often he/she did as it gave him/her time to focus solely on recovery and addressing his/her mental health needs. However, there was a part of me that was angry and resentful. Why did he/she get to “tap out” of the responsibilities and have a breakdown?? I could never take advantage of an option like this; how would all the task get done?, who would pick up the slack?, how would bills get paid?, who would keep the kids safe/cared for?? Again, I pushed the feelings down and put the walls up to keep boundaries between my spouse and I. It was all on my shoulders to keep our life spinning. There was no one else who could. This created an extreme amount of pressure and stress on my shoulders.

To this day, I am still working on the blocked emotions I had to push down to make it through the next few months into the next year. I’d be lying if I said I don’t still get triggered by tiny details (a passing smell, a look from my partner, the slow slur or cadence of his/her voice, a glazed look in the eyes). I still question things my spouse says and simple things like him/her walking to the garage unexpectedly or using money to buy something. I’ve learned I had been conditioned to doubt my self and my intuition when my partner was in the throes of his/her addiction. Now I second guess myself often across multiple aspects in my life. I continue to work through these consequences of my experiences. More on that in future posts.

What I leave you with today is this point: recovery from addiction issues is a process. It will not just happen. It will take time (years not just days or weeks or months). And it has lasting impacts on not just the addict but those closest to the addict. If you are in the “victim” role as I was, don’t invalidate your feelings. Take the steps needed to keep your mental health safe. Work through the consequences and trauma. Learn and grow from it. Don’t hide from the feelings even though they are intense and scary. And above all rely on your support systems. No one can (should) do this type of work alone.

With loving kindness.

[itsthesoulthatserotic]

[canadasnf]

From the CSNF Team we want to wish everyone a Happy & Healthy New Years! May this day lead you to the best year ever!❤️✌🏾✨ . . . . . #2022 #happynewyearsday #healthiswealth #newyearnewvibes #lovepeaceandhappiness https://www.instagram.com/p/CYLQWFvrcKZ/?utm_medium=tumblr

[carminabarnett]

#Repost @officialtrevayne with @get_repost ・・・ Today, I had the pleasure of having @mauricegriffin in the Spotlight Radio Studios today. Special thanks to @inspirationscarmina @carmina.barnett for allowing me to be apart of this. Go out and purchase or stream #LovePeaceAndHappiness today! https://www.instagram.com/p/CNf4EUDpr-G/?igshid=tpn51t1c160g

[scribesandvibes]

#positivevibes #Repost @srjohannes ・・・ Tomorrow is a new day. Let’s remember to be kind to those around us. #inauguration2021 #bekind #anewhope ・・・ #vibewise: Don't forget to #BEkindtoyourself. If #lovepeaceandhappiness commence in thee mind, Shouldn't ye resolve #tothineownselfbekind? I mean, if hurt people hurt people, It is far easier to be #kind to everyone else when ye first take time to be kind to yourself. Lo and behold, when ye make room to grasp #happinessisaninsidejob, ye will soon embrace #kindness as an extension of self. When the #mindbodyandsoul are filled with #love, #peace, and #happiness It becomes far easier to #pourintoothers. For he who learns to #practiceemptiness becomes whole in the #interbeing, A sense of fullness begins when the heart is filled with #compassion and the soul becomes fully aware of the #nonself. I mean, when the ego is emptied and the mind, body, and soul are empty of self, It is then and only then that ye will commence to fully grasp a sense of #kindness, #compassion, and connection to others. For #mypoemsarenotpoems and #everythingiseverything, May ye #letgooftheego and begin to grasp the #divineessence of #unity and connectedness to everything. When ye commence to become fully conscious of the precept of #nothingexists independently, It'll be much easier to overlook fixed ideas, #lookwithin, and become more friendly. -Stevie • #scribesandvibes • #ONENESS https://www.instagram.com/p/CKQyaf-BJJk/?igshid=amcs73caf6zt

[aranyanilifestyles-blog]

Celebrating The Colors Of Our Beautiful Relationship, I Wish You And Your Family, All The Bright Hues Of Life. Have A Beautiful Holi..! . . . #aranyani #aranyanilove #lph #lovepeaceandhappiness #holi #festivals #festivities #fashion #fashionblogger #fashionart #colors #celebrations #celebrationofcolors #fashionbag #fashionable #burstofcolor #instagood #instaevent #instapic

[wiseintelligent]

CURRENT READING! Met the author, brother Shawn Upson @ the #BlackPowerAwards saw him again @ujamaafest on Saturday. Had been reading it in my spare time. A necessary read, and very important subject we - the #OriginalPeople must visit, revisit, and analyze critically in and as part of our efforts to fortify effective fighting positions, grow, prosper and live in peace. "This book does not advocate offensive, aggressive violence. Some readers may find information in this book inflammatory and incendiary. This book is not an effort to promote sedition. This book is an affirmation of necessary resistance struggles and the acknowledgement of the ultimate sacrifice against systematic oppression made by many." - Preface/Disclaimer, #BlackGunsMatter #prepareprotectprevail #fightingpositions #lovepeaceandhappiness #livinginpeace #securingsafespaces #takingresponsibilityforourownlives

[teamovogang]

“i will never ever come back in this bar, the food was good but them drink prices are ridiculous. i feel like they took advantage of me!” 03.17 #OOTD Glasses: @firmoo_optical Tank: @target Pants: @whiskeygrade Shoes: @rainbowshops Photographer: #BigJB #ootd #sexytoddlerteacher #cute #happytuesday #tacotuesday #firmoo #pretty #LootyBooty #Libra #explore #lovepeaceandhappiness #wintertimefine #khakicolored #blackisbeautiful #comfortable #skin #pleasedontjudgeme #dabaddestbasicbih #headass #getyoposeonloot #instagrammodelheadass #lookinglikeawholesnack #hoodafternoon #iamtheprize (at The U Bar) https://www.instagram.com/p/CqV4m9Zuo_i/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[a-day-in-the-life-2022]

The Catalyst

Let's fast forward a few years or so. I graduated from college and went right into the next level of education for my degree in school psychology. By 2013, I had graduated, married my high school sweetheart, and started my first job as a school psychologist. Next came buying a house and having a baby...all the things any person aspires to have, right? I was using all the skills I had acquired to push through stress and focus on pleasing the world around me. It didn't matter if I didn't have time to do the things I loved or to keep a relationship with my partner a priority. I was accomplishing my goals: Working Mom & Wife, House keeper, Accountant, Cook, etc. No time left for me, of course. Filling others' cups and making them happy was how I got my validation, remember.

It was in those first few initial years where I can look back and see the start of the stressors, the red flags for my partner's addiction, and my lack of acknowledgement or awareness of problems internally. We had the "perfect" life, how could there be problems?? Move forward a few more years, child number two was in the picture. Two kids under age 3. I could handle it and work and have "all the things." I'd always handled every hardship or difficulty in the past with grace and perfect outward demeanor. The state in our house was anything but. I was stressed to the max all the time with no outlet and no slowing down. I nagged/yelled at my partner and he/she in turn, sought ways to escape the stress. My partner also came with her/his own baggage in the relationship (this is something our society is not upfront about, of course; the totally natural/human condition to come into our adult life with baggage, internal issues, & personal growth that needs to be done).

All in all, it was a recipe for something has gotta give. Neither my partner nor I were able to acknowledge our own weaknesses. Fingers of blame at the other were the daily practice. My partner's addiction came to a tipping point multiple times...I threatened to leave, to divorce, etc., if there wasn't a change. Silly me, thinking I had any control or could change another person. I thought, if I just threatened enough or tightened the reins or tried to micromanage everything or pointed out the impacts on our kids, then it would work. I didn't understand at that time the most obvious fact: an addict cannot be reasoned with as they exist in distorted thoughts and rationales. That is what makes it an addiction, a mental health disorder. The illogical seems logical to them or their brain makes it so in order to avoid the much scarier truths.

Sadly, this whole process took 2-3 years. Plus a late-term miscarriage of our third child with no rhyme or scientific explanation as to why (even after months of genetic testing). Plus job loss and police involvement. I can't tell you exactly the turning point for my spouse....as there were multiple situations of relapse after her/his first decision to start on the path of sobriety. Mine started when I set boundaries and accepted the only things I had control over: myself and what I was willing to accept as the partner of a recovering addict. I told my spouse I would support him/her on the journey to sobriety. I set boundaries for our relationship. I identified the things I was comfortable talking about and worked to get couples counseling established. But it wasn't for another 2ish years until I would say I truly started on my own personal, spiritual journey. Where I was ready to accept my short-comings and look at what I needed to do to grow as a person. It wasn't until I was ready to stop trying to fix everyone else's problems and to acknowledge my own internal demons, some of which existed long before the events I just outlined.

That's a story for another time. For now, know you are not alone. Each person hides his/her struggles in different ways. But we all have battles we face, and honestly those who appear toughest, able to 'truck on through,' are probably those most at risk for emotional breakdowns. Please be kind to those around you as you can never truly gauge the vastness of the wounds from the picture created on the outside.

[sailing-friends]

We made a short stop in #civilisation to get some #diesel for the #engine . The sun was just #set behind the #mountains but we left after refueling into the #night ... #oyster46 #sailing #yachtlife #sail #sailing #segeln #lovepeaceandhappiness #adventure #outdoors

[sassyvee-blog]

Behind the scenes....There’s more then meets the eye......”Mind behind the smile” #diymusicvideo hmmmm this should be interesting......I do photography for other artists when I’m not in the studio recording music (You can check it out here) @heartkissedphoto but it’s completely different when you are trying to film yourself lol! #diymusician #filmyourself #diyvideos #behindthemusic #behindthescenes #behindthemusicvideo #edmmusicvideo #edmmusic #edmproducer #edmsongs #edmgirls #edmlove #edmlovers #edmlove #edmloversunite #lovepeaceandhappiness #iloveedm #edmsinger #edmsingers #edmsongwriter #dancemusic #electrodancemusic #dancersofinstagram #dancemusicofinstagram #instagramhits #sexyblacksingers #sexyblackartists @beautybeyondent #edm #edmmusic #edmfestival #edmsongoftheday (at Pacific Beach) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBV0of0j8V-/?igshid=11gaomwxxxkgw

[beautifulskinbyliz]

When Mother Nature blesses you with the gift of a rainbow 🌈 you know good things are coming 💕💋 . . #blessings #grateful #homebound #covid-19 #messagesfromheaven #beautiful #beauty #potofjoy #lovepeaceandhappiness #manifestingabundance #beautifuldestinations #beautifullife #beautifulcouple #beautifulskinbyliz💕 (at Fall River, Massachusetts) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBErZ9jjrGI/?igshid=1pnixfztrw5ab

[simwando]

ART by @simz_illustrations #art #drawing #sketch #Johannesburg #illustrationartists #illustrator #illustratoronistagram #lovepeaceandhappiness (at Kensington, Gauteng, South Africa) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7_NNqGHNDu/?igshid=1dlkskxn1j8he

[leirow]

#Congrats to the #Harveys aka #RaqiandDee on saying #iDO last night #NyE2020 and #thanks again for having me spin🎧🎚🎛🎶 the music for this beautiful occasion😍! #HappyNewYear and wishing y'all continued #LovePeaceAndHappiness in the new year and beyond!! 🎉🖤✨💍👑 (at Civic Club of Harrisburg) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6yV2kWH9RnPSGaxsK1AA8fPFfhzgWasXPmfPU0/?igshid=8lzv0h5jvj8u