#lovely things which lovely people say to me
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Not really sure what to say for this one. We all know what’s happening in America right now and it’s not even a “put your ear to the ground to hear what’s coming” type of situation, there have been executive orders that specifically target transgender people.
The writing isn’t on the wall, it’s on government documents.
The phone call described in this strip happened a few months ago, before I came out publicly. As you can imagine, it only made me more fearful of coming out. If this person who I love and trust so much that they were one of the first folks I came out to over five years ago didn’t understand why what’s happening is so terrifying, why this bigotry needs to be completely shut down immediately, how could the bigots themselves understand?
Part of my position was that there were television ads being run showing transgender folks as these disgusting people, something less than human that are deserving of ridicule and are a drain on the country’s resources and a danger to children.
According to them, my terror of seeing me be advertised as that way was just me being alarmist, that the people that I’m afraid of aren’t going to do anything and that there shouldn’t be any fear of danger.
We’re two weeks in, and already there’s legal action being taken to strip me and people like me of not just their rights, but their humanity.
It’s hard. On one hand, I do understand their position that I should try to be a source of education, to try to bridge the gap to these people. I agree not in the sense that it should be my responsibility, but in that it feels like the only practical thing I can do.
On the other hand, what can I possibly do in the face of so much hatred?
I have family members who’ve voted for this. People who might say they have love in their hearts but voted to label certain people as sub-human.
I don’t know how they can reconcile that.
I don’t know how I can reconcile with them. I’m not just disappointed, I’m genuinely frightened. I don’t want to sound like the world is crashing down around us, but in a way it really is. Many of the folks who’ve voted this way don’t even realize what they were doing, the rest of them knew and didn’t care.
I don’t know which is worse.
#trans#transgender#trans community#trans woman#genderqueer#trans artist#comics#trans pride#mtf#trans rights#trans rights are human rights#queer community#queer#queer artist#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtq community#trans comics#webcomics#comic#my art#drawing#im still alex comic#im still alex#trans artwork
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Yes I'd o :3 love ya mom
Romantically? My now-ex. Platonically, my friend who was asking for advice
Many things. But most of it is just because now I have a curiosity that cannot be satisfied
I don't think so
05: What is your relationship status?
As of today, single
06: How do you want to die?
Peacefully, surrounded with people who love me
07: What did you last eat?
amburber
08: Played any sports?
Nuh uh
09: Do you bite your nails?
Nope
10: When was your last physical fight?
Idk. I don't get into these. Unless you count wrestling with my sister as a physical fight, in which case it would be a few years or smth
11: Do you like someone?
I'm assuming romantically, so no, I don't think so
12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?
I think??? I don't remember tbh. But that seems like something that I would do and not remember so, fair.
13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?
I don't hate
14: Do you miss someone?
Yeah
15: Have any pets?
Like 6 or smth
16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?
Weird. Very
17: Ever made out in the bathroom?
Made out, no. Kissing yes and sex... Also yes...
Yeah not proud of that one
18: Are you scared of spiders?
Kind of? Just the normal amount I think. Mom's arachnophobic so I didn't have the best example growing up
19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
I think I would be tempted but I don't know if I would actually do it, i would probably ask a loopy of questions before
20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?
I didn't know what that word is but Google translate says kiss?
Anyways, his bed I think
21: What are your plans for this weekend?
Working, probably
22: Do you want to have kids? How many?
Yes I do! I think just one
23: Do you have piercings? How many?
Nope unless you count ear perforations in which case I have one on each ear buf these were made to me when I was a baby so
24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?
History and literature,.then logic and Discrete methods which is a type of math
25: Do you miss anyone from your past?
It's hard to know when I miss someone so I don't know
26: What are you craving right now?
Love.
27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
I think so
28: Have you ever been cheated on?
Not that I am aware of
29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Yes :(
30: What’s irritating you right now?
The fact that I know it could've been better if he had done what I told him to do
31: Does somebody love you?
Many people
32: What is your favourite color?
Don't have one. I love them all
Although I really like the word "Carmesí" which means Crimson in Spanish so
33: Do you have trust issues?
I don't think so
34: Who/what was your last dream about?
A camping trip I think
35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?
My ex
36: Do you give out second chances too easily?
Way too easily
37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?
There is no easier or harder one. They are different process and depending on the situation one might be faster than the other but it doesn't mean it's the best
38: Is this year the best year of your life?
I hope it isn't, I still have so many years ahead!!!
39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
15? Or 16 maybe
40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
Nope
51: Favourite food?
The canelones my yaya made. And also her Shephard's pie
52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Yeah sure. It's just that the reason isn't necessarily supernatural
53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Work
54: Is cheating ever okay?
Nope
55: Are you mean?
I try not to be
56: How many people have you fist fought?
None?
57: Do you believe in true love?
Absolutely
58: Favourite weather?
Rainy
59: Do you like the snow?
I don't remember ever seeing snow irl
60: Do you wanna get married?
Not really. But I would have gotten married to him ah re dolida estaba bueno discúlpenme terminamos HOY
61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
It would be weird for me but it might be cause I'm not used to hearing that term in spanish
62: What makes you happy?
My cat, insects under the sunlight, my mom, my friends, tasty food, cooking
63: Would you change your name?
Nah
64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
It would sure be a hell of an emotional wreck
65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
He's gay so that's weird. And also why does it specify the sex lmao
66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
Yes? I don't mind what's in their pants
67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
What's with the obsession with sex here. Anyways my friend who was asking for advice
68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
I don't think I remember
69: Do you believe in soulmates?
Maybe
70: Is there anyone you would die for?
Many people
70 horrible questions ... Fuck it
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?
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⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ Paddock Princess
♥ masterlist | request rules
♥ pairing: jude bellingham x fem!black!f1driver!reader
♥ synopsis: your boyfriend jude bellingham is welcomed with open arms by the f1 community and becomes the people’s paddock’s princess
♥ smau - fc: tyla - as always none of the pictures are mine <3
♥ warnings: swearing and suggestive comments !!!
♥ a/n: never let em know your next move WAPOW jude fic.
-Jude Bellingham Replies to Fans on the Internet | Actually Me | GQ Sports-
“We know about your inspiration in football, but which athletes outside of football do you look up to—if any?” he read off a laptop screen.
“Uhm,” he scratched the bridge of his nose. “Probably Y/n L/n,” His face lit up with a smile as the camera crew giggled in the background. “She’s done quite a lot in her sport in such a short amount of time and I really admire her driving style, if i’m being honest. Yeah, I’ve been spending a lot of my time watching F1 recently, so probably her.”
He sent the reply and leaned back on the chair, “This is peak journalism.”
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
liked by oscarpiastri, carmenmundt, judebellingham, and 1,494,027 more
yourusername i heard someone say my name?
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realmadrid you heard correctly
user1 exposing him 🙊
user2 @/user1 I'm sure she's seen the video by now
user3 I wish he said my name instead tbh
user4 I wish he would do more than just say my name
user5 @/user4 SO REAL
user6 the someone in question who said her name being the hottest madrid player
yourusername @/user6 that's debatable
judebellingham @/yourusername ???
user7 have you and jude met before? I know you spend a lot of time watching madrid 🤔
yourusername hopefully I'll see him soon !!
user10 @/yourusername that doesn't answer the question...
carlossainz55 @/yourusername I can take you to meet him under one condition
yourusername @/carlossainz55 I already told you I can't give you the Ferrari seat back 😭
carlossainz55 it was worth a shot
liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, judebellingham, and 1,409,582 more
yourusername first race with you 💋
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scuderiaferrari we're happy to have you ❤️
user7 @/scuderiaferrari did... you buy her those flowers? 😭
user2 @/scuderiaferrari she wasn't talking to you lil bro
user1 I thought she was talking about a secret partner in this post but maybe I'm crazy
user3 @/user1 now I'm confused because I thought the same thing
user5 f1 core is not knowing if y/n made a romantic post about ferrari or a secret lover
scuderiaferrari who's not in love with us? we're hot, fast, and Italian 😉
yourusername @/scuderiaferrari OH 🫣
user6 😨
user8 RAW NEXT QUESTION
user9 why am I blushing
user10 we're not beating the car fucker allegations with this one 🔥🔥🥶
user11 ugh I hate admin. its like why do you post silly comments? what's your @? are you single?
-jude bellingham’s story-
view replies
user1 those flowers look familiar…
user2 ME WHEN
user3 i actually need him so bad
user4 @/yourusername
user5 yn we all know it’s you
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yourusername I regret to inform you that I am not dating ferrari admin and instead with the lovely @/judebellingham
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judebellingham "regret"? 🤨
yourusername I called you lovely what more do you want
landonorris we all knew you were dating the second he said your name
user1 new lando lore drop he watches jude bellingham videos by himself
landonorris fuck I've been caught
user2 LETS FUCKING GO HARD LAUNCH
user3 oh how I love them
user4 they are the perfect couple
scuderiaferrari I forgive you
liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 1,492,5028 more
judebellingham dw princess has arrived
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yourusername glad you're here 😘
♡ by judebellingham
user1 yes he has 👏
user2 he's so cunty
user5 he wears her jersey hello?? 🥹
yourusername one that still has the tag on it...
judebellingham @/yourusername you didn't see that 😬
user8 wheres the rest of the madrid team?
judebellingham 🤷♂️
vinjir @/user8 he didn't invite us
judebellingham @/vinjir wowww snitch 🫵
liked by erling, judbellingham, landonorris, and 502,684 more
yourusername its always great to meet a fan 🫶
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judebellingham I don't really consider myself a "fan" 🫤
yourusername idk you seemed like a pretty big fan of me last night 🫤
user1 oh!
user9 judeyn >>>
user10 god bless these two and all the pr training they ignored
user7 hes so fjdsjkskfj
user6 I need him so bad
yourusername @/user6 same
user8 I'm gonna need full time wag jude from now on
judebellingham quitting my job rn 🏃♂️💨
#𝒍𝒊𝒗'𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔 ౨ৎ#football smau#footballer x y/n#football player x reader#football x reader#footballer x reader#football imagine#football imagines#football scenarios#football one shot#football social media au#jude bellingham smau#jude bellingham social media au#jude bellingham scenarios#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham imagine#real madrid x reader#real madrid scenarios#real madrid imagines#f1 x reader#f1 smau#formula one x reader#f1 x black!reader
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something something sewing event
#honami making leoneeds outifts / repairing shihos jacket and tsukasa sewing little clothes for bunny. win#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#honami mochizuki#tsukasa tenma#wxs#leoneed#I hate twt i love having everyone who slightly annoys me blocked or muted. sorry#NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS HONAMI LIKES TO SEW ITS MAKE ME MADE STFU ABOUT TSUKASA. MY FRIEND HONAMI.#holdee of both opinions that its a shame mixed events have been weak writing wise and also havent been used to their fill potential recentl#to have characters who dont normally interacted get to meet each ofher. And tsukasas writing in particular is hurting bad rn#But also pjsk fandom does have misogyny issues (Because every fandom does bc all forms of bigotry oremeate everything even shnconsciously)#Because its incredible that everyone ran to bat for tsukasa being in the event but i saw mobidy mention honami who also likes to sew ..#she even says in a card story that she wanted to remake All of leoneeds sekai outfits in real life since theyre stuck in sekai#Idk ive been oeeved about this so i must rjn to my oersonal disry (tumblr tags)#also I need honami and mafuyu interaction proper like what the fuck is going on. there could be the chance for very interesting growth if#clpl would give them the chance ..#tldr It is really annoying when clpl constantly forgets shit about their own characters 😭😭😭😭#/ seems too scared to let mixed events be Actually kmportant to the story / characters rceently. Which is crazy#esp for wxs whose entire thing is about how other people have shaped them and how theh wantnto touchnpeoples lives 😭😭😭😭😭aWhatever YAP OVER#But i love shizuku so im not complaining about anything other than who keeps inviting len
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the way people talk about other trans people and our cis allies on here is just so horrendous
when i initially saw this discourse, i took the side of transgender radical feminists, because i have always been very critical of accusations against transfems. i have several transfem loved ones and i have been dedicated for years to making sure i unlearn transmisogynistic biases and am safe for my loved ones
i looked into these popular transfeminist blogs, specifically the ones ran by transfems, because i wanted to hear their stories. i was very taken aback by what felt to me like hatred and resentment towards transmascs. and i saw this type of stuff on the blogs of transgender radical feminists who AREN'T transfem, too
and i saw even more people talking about how awful cis people are, how cis people can never truly be our allies, how we need to separate ourselves from cis people
and i talked about this with one of my transfem friends. i talked to her about how i've found tumblr discourse and it feels like there is a portion of transfems online that hate transmascs. and i talked to her about it because i wanted to make sure i wasn't being transmisogynistic and having a knee-jerk reaction
and she told me that she doesn't hate transmascs. she told me that the things that were being said about transmascs WERE mean and hateful and cruel. she was very saddened, because these people on tumblr were sowing seeds of resentment between transfems and transmascs. she agreed that, while transfems face a unique subset of oppression in transmisogyny, transmascs also face a unique subset of oppression
all my other transfem loved ones also agreed. they said that no, i was not having a knee-jerk reaction, these were just genuinely cruel things to say about transmascs
i believe in anti-transmasculinity/transandrophobia/transmisandry/whatever you want to call it, because my transfem loved ones and i have diacussed it and they listened to me about my own oppression and agreed that there are unique ways in which we are all oppressed
i am not my transfem loved ones' greatest enemy. our cis loved ones are not our greatest enemies. transphobic cis people are our greatest enemies
i am the one who goes shopping with my transfem friends to find skirts that fit them. i am the one who teaches my transfem girlfriend about different types of bras. i am the one trying to help my transfem friend from america move to my country. my transfem friends are the ones who help me figure out mens' fashion and how to make my clothes fit me in a masculine way. our cis friends are the ones who treat us like people. not like freaks, or monsters, but like people.
transfems aren't my enemy. cis people aren't my enemy. transphobia and transmisogyny is my enemy
i can't understand why people don't love and appreciate our cis allies. after spending years being mocked and assaulted and abused by cis people for being trans, it's a breath of fresh air to see cis allies
like, with how popular it is to be transphobic nowadays, for a cis person to actively be our ally, they would have to be consciously monitoring their biases and actively doing their own research. they are ACTIVELY and CONSCIOUSLY making the CHOICE to stand with us. i love our cis allies so deeply
and i love my transfem sisters and nonbinary siblings, too. i have far more in common with transfems and nonbinary people than anyone else, even if i am a transmasc and transitioning in a different direction.
tumblr 'transfeminism' isn't helping my transfem loved ones. it isn't aiding them in any material way. letting them call me a theyfab does NOTHING to help them or to improve their lives. and THAT is why i hate this tumblr discourse. because these privileged pieces of shit are using the guise of transfeminism to be cruel to others, instead of materially helping other transfems like my loved ones
All very true anon. Thank you for sending in. <3
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it's funny because my ex boyfriend and I used to argue about this. It's partly the reason we broke up. He was kind of a WWII buff which was weird because at the time he was in his early 30's and I dunno I figure it's usually only old guys who are into WWII.
Anyway, I went on a trip to Germany to go to a concert and visit family. When I came back I told him how my relative so graciously showed me around and we went to the holocaust memorial etc. It's been like 12 years so I don't remember much but he was basically saying that the Germans themselves were "to blame" for Hitler's rise, and that they had no right to escape via tunnels etc because they voted for him. They put him into power. They supported him. I mean yes technically I knew this but it's so much more complicated than that. He tends to think in black and white.
I was like but what about those who did not vote for him? They get blamed too? He basically said yes because they did not move away to another country or ferociously resist. I thought this was entirely unworkable. people have families. lives. jobs. responsibilities. They love their home land. etc. I mean yeah sure some probably did that but many were probably not able to.
Right now, said ex boyfriend married a trans-male. He and spouse are ferociously anti-Trump. They are considering moving to Massachusetts because guess what? Spouse has a son and an ex husband they share custody with that they can't just pick up and go to another country. They can't even move to Mass now because of the child. And we live in Texas.
We are good friends after the break up, but I really wonder if he ever thinks about our argument that day.
Unthinkable that 12 years later, we would be experiencing that same exact thing here in the US.
Yo, correct me if I am wrong please, but didn't Hitler rise to power because he promised to fix the German economy and people really liked that so they looked past everything else he was doing??? Like exactly what's happening in America right now???
So many people said they voted for Trump, put a truly evil person in power, because he said he'd fix the economy, and a little voice in my head is going, "Isn't that what happened with fucking Hitler??"
But I've seen no one point that out so maybe I'm miss remembering???????
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I (thankfully) have seen fewer people online write claims like "Bruce deserves better than a brat like Damian" in recent times, but I'm still grateful for every comic writer that let's Alfred comment on having a déjà-vu whenever Damian says something edgy/bratty because Bruce is often insufferable as an ADULT and him apparently being even more annoying as a child/teenager makes a lot of sense to me.
Add Bruce's questionable dating history to this and...yeah, why would he have a "well behaved and adjusted" kid? Bruce is difficult, his most famous love interests are difficult, so a mini-him with even more issues is actually the only realistic bio offspring I can see Bruce having.
And don't get me started on how many things Damian gets shit for that are things Bruce has done as well.
I guess I simply don't get people who have somehow convinced themselves that what Bruce does is always cool and right because he's their "male power fantasy" while they hate Damian because they dislike the idea of Bruce having 100% responsibilty as a basically single biological father (only pointing this out because with his adopted kids a writer can always blame their bio parents) and because they have problems self-inserting into an "uncool" child character.
Which is kind of ironic considering that Damian acting childish is more understandable than 40+ Bruce constantly still having no clue how to not be an asshole to his friends and family.
Anyway, I'm living for Alfred pointing out that teenage Bruce was annoying and edgy and that Bruce having to deal with that himself in the form of Damian is simply fair.
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i honestly don't even really like to talk about tlou2 but something that will absolutely baffle me until the end of time is how many people romanticize the farm sequence and view it as happy. every time someone says the game should've ended there or that ellie threw away her whole life and she could've been happy etc etc etc, it really makes me realize how many people do lack literacy and the ability to read between the lines. because how are you seeing the farm scenes and not realizing how devastating it is?? it feels so empty and lifeless.
yes ellie laughed and they listen to music and dance but those are such small snippets. anyone with severe ptsd / mental trauma can be okay for a moment. but ellie was quite literally killing herself on that farm and absolutely would've ended up dead by her own hand (which is not a crazy assumption to make it is quite literally context clues)
like she’s always been skinny and lean but she’s even more thin on the farm?? she literally says she doesn’t eat or sleep?? and the panic attacks that she has?
also when ellie says “i’m not like you dina” and dina instantly snaps back with “you think this is easy for me?” like no that’s not what is being insinuated at all, but the fact of the matter is that dina is still able to function and cope in healthy ways and ellie is not. and the fact that dina doesn’t understand that kinda kills me. also telling ellie to “prove it” when she tells dina that she loves her is so fucked considering everything.
she would’ve died! i will stand by this forever, ellie would not have lived much longer. (confirmed btw in directors commentary, ellie was severely suicidal at this point. so not sure how everyone views the farm as her happy point.)
i don’t think ellie had an obligation to suffer in silence for the sake of what dina wanted.
i don’t blame dina for leaving obviously, that was the best choice for her and i don’t blame ellie for going either!! i think their relationship is very doomed, it was quite literally built on years of miscommunication and it only continues as they’re together.
i don’t blame ellie for leaving the farm whatsoever, she did not “fumble dina,” she didn’t throw away her life, she was barely functioning in the first place. if the game ended with ellie on the farm and the last thing we saw of her was her trying to play house while knowing how much she was suffering, that would’ve been so damn depressing. her leaving may not be the “morally good” choice but it was necessary considering her own mental state.
i think it’s also so important to remember the way in which joel died. she’s not just grieving and dealing with survivors guilt, she’s also living with the brutality of what she experienced. watching the person she loved the most get brutally tortured/beaten to death while she was held down and begging for it to stop?? and you guys expect her to just move on and deal with it so she can keep living on this isolated farm and play happy family??
and it’s not like ellie was fine until tommy showed up. she was already on the edge. the evidence is in her behavior, her journal, the clues around her house (the whiskey glass at her bedside) and her literal mannerisms.
this is very messy and disorganized i just don’t understand how many people STILL oversimplify the farm stuff or act as though everything was happy and good. every time someone says that ellie owed it to dina to stay, i lose a year off of my life.
basically a ramble instead of a proper analysis/breakdown bc i’m trying to focus my energy elsewhere but hopefully it makes enough sense to be understood
#this is why i gatekeep ellie#to have something be so massively misunderstood is so annoying#ellie williams
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FOOLS ━ pjs
pairing : bsf!jay x fem!reader genre : friends to lovers, pure FLUFF!! warnings : none but erm not proofread! synopsis : 2 fools in love, who have no idea the other wants them wc : 1k a/n : yes this is inspo off of fool by nct 127, i love naming things after songs #sorry
if u enjoyed pls like & reblog, feedback is always appreciated!!
“would you just shut up” jake groaned out, glancing over at jay once more. ever since jay admitted he had a crush on you, his best friend, he’s been insufferable according to his friends. jay furrowed his brows, “what! i’m not even talking about her” he groaned out, making sunghoon scoff in amusement. “you mentioned that place that you want to take her to, like five times.” he sighed out, picking at his lunch in front of him.
the history between you and jay wasn’t exactly.. ideal. the two of you had been friends since you were 12 years old and encountered many things together such as the time your braces got caught on a loose thread in jays shirt, or the time jay fell off his bike because he wanted to prove to you he could do a wheelie. all in all you two had stuck with each other through everything, including your relationships.
jay never admitted it but he had developed a crush on you towards the beginning of college, that stupid saying that people really change in college or something was deemed to be true. he started getting annoyed by the encounters you would tell him about, wondering why you let stupid boys treat you like that when he was right in front of you. he thought he wasn’t obvious about it but when he finally told jake and sunghoon about having a crush on you, the two of them acted like it was a normal tuesday.
“okay i did not say it five times” jay rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair and jake and sunghoon gave each other a look, both of them sighing. “yeah man whatever” jake mumbled, making jay roll his eyes once more. he looked around the dining hall and his eyes landed on you, sitting with your two friends telling them something dramatically. you were talking with your hands again, which made jay smile. he loved when you did that it was so cute. if only he knew what you were talking about so passionately..
“honestly my theory is that he’s as equally obsessed with you as you are him” karina shrugged, popping one of winters fries in her mouth, making her slap her hand away. “that’s not possible” you sighed out, leaning back in your chair now. “yeah well..” as karina spoke, you looked in his direction, thoughts clouding your mind. you always had a small thing for jay ever since you were little but it was embarrassing to admit. those feelings halted when jay started getting in relationships which made you get into relationships to get his attention, but it never worked.
now here you were, in your second year of college still pining for the boy you wanted when you were 13. “yn? are you paying attention.” karina waved her hand in front of your face, snapping you out of it. winter looked towards jay then you and laughed slightly. “she was too busy making oogly eyes at him” she said, making you slap her hand. karina groaned out. “it was not oogly eyes!” you retorted, rolling your eyes at winter.
“there’s actually no hope for the two of you” winter sighed out as you three got up, going to put your plates away. “he doesn’t like me back, i’ll get over it” you sighed out, placing your place in the box and following karina and winter. “you’ve been saying that for years but okay yn” karina shook her head, laughing softly. as the three of you walked out of the dining hall you saw jake, jay, and sunghoon standing there.
of course jake started up a conversation, now the six of you were walking as a group with you and jay lagging behind. it was quiet between you and jay, only the crunching of the leaves could be heard. jay glanced at you, smiling softly at the way you stepped over the leaves so you could hear the crunch of them. you had always loved doing that even when you were younger.
it hits jay now that he knows you, more than you may know yourself. because of him knowing you so well, that's why he fell for you in the first place. you were like a breath of fresh air to him, you always knew how to talk to him and make him smile, you also knew him inside and out and jay knew this.
but you were almost too good for him, after all you were a goddess in jays eyes and he was just a fool. what could he do? he knew confessing to you was a gamble because it could change the entire trajectory of your relationship, for the better or the worse. jay snapped out of his thoughts and cleared his throat.
“so.. what were you guys talking about? you kept moving your hands around dramatically” jay laughed a little as he finished the sentence, you rolled your eyes and elbowed him playfully. “none of your business” you mumbled back, making jay smile.
he looked to you and smiled at your softly flushed cheeks, the way your nose was pink because of the fall breeze. “you wanna go to the diner tonight?” you looked to him, smile clear on your face. “i thought you were busy tonight?” he thought about it for a second then shook his head. “not anymore” he smiled softly. “okay, i’ll ask winter and rina.” you said and jay furrowed his brows. he hesitated before speaking. “no like, just us” he said, sounding a little uncertain.
now was the moment, jay thought. the moment he had been waiting for, for ten years now. he knew you wouldn't want a really fancy date, so instead he opted for something a bit more you, something you were comfortable with. after all, everything he did was for you, and only you. so here it goes.
“no like, just us” he said, sounding a little uncertain.
you fully stopped walking causing jay to stop walking as well, forgetting about the group in front of you. “are you asking me out on a date park jongseong?” you furrowed your brows, looking in his eyes for an answer. there was no way he felt the same. “i.. uh you know if you want it to be?” he stuttered out, shoving his hands in his pockets. you smiled at his nervousness, the way he tried to act all cool about. “okay, are you paying? because you know a real gentleman pays.” you said playfully, the two of you resuming walking again.
“is that even a question? of course yn” he sighed out, a little less nervous now. “well then yes, i’d love to go out with you jay” you smiled, looking at him. he smiled as well, the blush on his cheeks evident. “c'mon lovebirds! let’s go!” jake called out, his voice a little far in the distance. you giggled softly, making jay softly elbow you. karina’s theory was more than right.
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Congrats on finishing See Something Say Something!! I checked the notification of the first AO3 email sent out and you initially planned on five chapters.
Would you say that the ending changed considerably since you started in October? Or has that stayed the same?
thank you!
it stayed the same lol. while my fics getting wildly out of control and becoming way longer than i anticipated is pretty common, i'm pretty much never changing overarching plot when this happens. the story that i become interested in telling is typically the story then i end up telling
almost every story can be made shorter or longer. it's less about what happens and more about how that information is conveyed. things that really tend to affect writing length are perspective and breathing room
the shortest fic i have on ao3 that's not part of a series is You Were (Not) Meant For Me (posted 11 years ago, jesus T_T). the premise is that claudia was a witch who intended trained stiles to be a witch and she arranged his marriage to laura hale, the future hale alpha. this is a traditional pairing as talia's husband was also a witch married to talia in service of the pact. except claudia died before she could train stiles or tell him about the engagement. stiles starts learning magic after scott is turned. derek falls for stiles and feels like he's betraying his sister by loving him, betraying stiles by not being the alpha he deserves and not telling him about the arrangement claudia made, and hates himself the entire time, but not enough to stop himself
that's a 100k fic easy
it's 1,696 words
it's extremely limited perspective (derek's) and it's made up only of limited snapshots of moments with very little context. there's no seeing what's happening, only told, which i think would quickly grow boring if it was longer and if the real point of the story wasn't derek's self hatred and how he fails to deal with it. that's the part of the story that isn't told, really - derek does think explicitly that he hates himself, but we're also seeing it in the way he talks and thinks about himself and the people around him
by contrast we have survival is a talent, which is obviously my longest fic. we're over 500k and we've got quite a bit to go
perspective doesn't just refer to character pov, but audience pov - are you being told a story, or are you experiencing the story? this is also tied into breathing room. there's no wrong way, i've done both and will do both, but one certainly requires more words than the other in my experience
siat is told only through draco and harry's perspective, but it's all happening in real time. the audience is being taken along for this story. the thing is that that things in real life don't all come tumbling one after another, not all questions have immediate answers. when depicting character growth and a plot unfurling, i think it's really important to include breathing room to give the audience time to feel that growth and change. i'm stricter about this with siat than anything else i've written, probably sometimes to its detriment. i want you and the characters to have time to feel the effects of emotional revelations and plot hints. i want you to have the time to question and wonder about things the same way the characters do
one time a friend criticized the good place for including the portion where they were alive again on earth because it wasn't as interesting as being in hell, but i disagree. we needed that breathing room both to live with the effects of character growth of going through hell and to have time for the effects of their actions on the plot to settle before they moved forward again. i stopped watching agents of shield because we weren't given enough breathing room - there was never a chance to see the characters not in crisis, the world was always ending, ect. the alchemyst book series has the first like 3 books taking place over a day and a half. i got tired of it after that. there's no breathing room
a story where i gave up on the concept of breathing room was build your wings on the way down. i liked that fic, but i wanted it finished, and to do it with i think optimal pacing would have made it twice as long as it was. so i said screw it, avalanche time, everything is happening all at once right now. there's very little breathing room there, which i think doesn't work too terribly in part because everything is so urgent and everyone is stressed so not being able to catch you breath sort of fits
See Something Say Something did not need to be 215k, although i'm not at all complaining. i feel very happy with how i told this story. but the basic premise - sam getting his powers early, getting involved in the large hunter world secretly from his family, and dean feeling misplaced and worried about how much sam needs/wants him - could have been told a hundred different ways and all would have pulled it off, so to speak
i considered doing the the entire fic from dean's pov (as a sam girl i love his pov because all he thinks about is sam and he's so insane about it) which would have effectively cut out basically the first five chapters. i thought exploring the slow realization of what's going on purely from dean's pov, with the audience having not insight would have been really interesting, just like what I did in dumb luck or good ghost with dean slowly figuring out that sam didn't die in the crash. another thing is the inclusion of all the side characters which i did to make the world feel rich and real, but we didn't need all these outsider povs to get the basic point across. very rarely is something vital being conveyed by an outsider pov, but it reinforced and adds to the main characters. i also initially didn't have wincest, which obviously added a ton of words. i loved exploring dean's self hatred and fear and sam's obliviousness, but bringing them to a place of ignorance to acceptance to happiness is a lot longer of a journey than just dealing with dean's propriety love as an unhinged co-dependent older brother. again, i'm sticking by all these choices, i made them because i thought it was the best way to the tell the story i was most interesting in telling, but my point is that you didn't need them to tell this particular story
it was also how i told the story. we spend a lot of time wallowing in character's emotions, especially dean's and sam's, but the others as well. part of this fic is convincing you that these two brothers should fuck, actually, and doing that effectively is going to take some time, especially at this point in their lives when things are pretty normal. comparatively, fucking your brother after starting the apocalypse is pretty small potatoes. i wanted you to understand these people, to feel what they were feeling, to not feel that it was inconceivable that jess would be willing to share her boyfriend with his brother, to buy all their relationships with each other in a way that isn't purely based on convenience
part of the reason i wrote dumb luck or good ghost before see something say something was that i felt i needed a firmer grasp on who the characters are before getting into who they were and who they could be - especially john, who i feel is exceptionally difficult to write without over excusing his actions or over villainizing them. the reason john doesn't get a single pov in see something say something is that while he's a motivating and underlying factor in much of the story, the story isn't about him. it's about the effect he has on those around him, and i didn't want to sully the pureness of that effect by introducing his internal dialogue, regardless of how persecutionary or absolving it would be. it's just not about him. it's how he responds to others and how they respond to him in turn
anyway! this is another example of something ending up longer than expected, but yeah. the plot of see something say something didn't change much from posting of the first chapter and my stories rarely do - i have plot points in siat that have been there since i posted the first chapter that are still relevant and happening. "harry and draco just. cut dumbledore's fucking hand off" my beloved
#posting publicly because it got away from me and maybe other people are interested idk T_T#asks#crazygingerwitch
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summer's golden haze - chapter six
pairing: lando norris x reader
summary: a love confession, a PR scandal, and an explanation (5.2k)
a/n: don’t hate me for this folks 😅 things are going to be fine with our favorite couple, don’t worry! (or are they??? guess you’ll just have to read and see mwahaha)
previous chapter | masterlist
Somehow Lando convinces you to stay the night with him after spending a little quiet time together at his place once the jet lands, instead of going home like you’d originally planned. You won’t go into detail, but it involved little talking and a lot more kissing.
He lets you shower off the nightclub musk first, and only when you’ve made yourself comfy in his bed can you shoot a text to your friends.
You: staying at lando’s tonight. no need to wait up for me, he’ll drop me off at ours in the morning
Samira: ouuu get it girl
Maren: be safe wear protection etc etc
You: GOD no not like that you perverts
Camille: sure 👍🏼
Camille: is he reading over your shoulder? WE’RE ONTO YOU NORRIS.
You: i hate you guys ❤️
Maren: why are u still texting us go spend time with ur man
“Everything good?”
Lando’s toweling his hair dry as he walks into the room, wearing only a pair of shorts. He’s a bit sunburnt on his chest and shoulders from today, but he’s still got that aftersun glow about him as he makes his way over to you. He collapses dramatically beside you on the mattress, wasting no time in sprawling into your space with a content sigh.
“Yep, fine. The girls say hi and goodnight,” You say airily, putting aside your phone. Lando lets out a noncommittal hum, too busy with making himself comfortable next to you to form a response. In the end, he finally settles with an arm thrown across your thighs, face pressed into your side snugly.
Your fingers trace the dip of his spine gently, coming up to brush over his reddened skin. “You’re all burnt, Lando.”
“Sun cream is for wimps,” He mumbles, words muffled. “I’m tough.”
“You might rethink that when your skin starts to peel.”
“Did you have fun?” He asks, changing the subject in favor of aiming a hopeful smile up at you.
“I did. I still can’t believe you’re friends with Martin Garrix, though.”
Lando chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re still hung up on that?”
“Uh, yeah! Normal people usually don't know world famous musicians!”
“Guess I’m not normal then, am I?”
“No, you’re not,” You hum, pushing his damp curls away from his forehead. His face screws into an overdramatically offended look that makes you giggle. “You’re not normal, you’re better.”
“Good save, that,” He mumbles, face morphing into what has to be the most fond, heart-melting, doe eyed expression you’ve ever been looked at with.
What you say next seems to fall out of your mouth before you realize just what you’re doing. All you know is he’s gazing at you like you’re holding up the moon and the stars, and suddenly it feels like exactly the moment to say what you’re thinking.
“I think I’m in love with you too.”
Funnily enough, Lando’s eyes widen the same way Max’s did when he’d accidentally told you. “What?”
“I love you too,” You say, though a little more unsure this time. There’s a key difference between your first and second confessions, but saying it out loud the first time only solidified what, deep down, you think you’ve already known.
You love Lando. You’re in love with Lando, and you want him to know.
Only now he’s staring at you like you’ve just told him some deep dark secret that he wasn’t supposed to know, which definitely isn’t the response you thought you’d get from him, and it makes your brain kick into overdrive.
Max had seemed entirely genuine at the time, but maybe he was just messing with you. Maybe your entire relationship with Lando was some sort of a prank, or god forbid, a fucking bet. The thought had crossed your mind at the beginning, but you’d shoved it aside because Lando was so charming and so painfully your type that you were willing to take the leap.
Less than two weeks. It took less than two weeks to fall in love with the boy in front of you, less than two weeks for you to put your heart into his hands and pray that he wouldn’t break it. The heart that he’d already wormed his way into and made his home.
It’s definitely fast, you’re fully aware of the fact. At the beginning, you weren’t expecting to get into anything serious. Telling yourself you’d let things play out, let whatever was to happen happen, prepared to leave any and all thoughts of Lando behind if things didn’t work out.
You didn’t actually think you’d end up in love with him, and for some reason, it scares you more than you could’ve ever imagined. There’s something terrifying about falling in love, but something even worse than it was him not feeling the same.
“How did you—” He stops mid-sentence, looking so utterly floored you’ve figured it out that you forget any and all previous doubts of Lando not sharing your feelings. “Have I been that obvious?”
“Max let it slip.”
He lets out a groan, squeezing his eyes shut momentarily before opening them again. “Max couldn’t keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it, the twat.”
“Y’know, he said the same thing,” You giggle quietly.
“Because it’s true! His big mouth has been getting me into trouble since the day we met.”
“Do you think falling in love with me is trouble?”
“No! God, no, absolutely not,” Lando insists, shaking his head. In one fell swoop, he manages to shift the both of you so you’re on top of him now, sitting on his thighs with a leg on either side of him. His hands travel up from your waist to cup your face in his palms reassuringly. “The opposite, really. I think you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I just…I wanted to tell you on my own terms. Had it all planned out too.”
“Oh yeah?” You hum, hooking your fingers over his biceps. “What'd you have planned?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He teases, grinning from ear to ear. You make a pleading noise from the back of your throat, but he just shakes his head, zipping his lips with an imaginary key and pretending to hold it high above his head.
You play along, going to reach up for it, but Lando leans forward, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss. It’s a total distraction move, and it works. You forget all about what his plans could’ve been, the thoughts quelled by his mouth on yours, kissing you sweetly.
Your hands slide over the broadness of his shoulders without thinking, fingertips pressing into lean muscle to keep yourself upright.
“Ow, fuck—” He hisses, pulling away from you with a wince. Thinking you’ve hurt him, your eyes go wide. “Sunburn,” He explains hastily.
You scramble off of him. “I am so sorry!”
“No, no, it’s fine, I’m fine, let’s just—” He leans in for another kiss, but the moment is over now.
You snuggle into his side, splaying a hand over his chest. Your fingers immediately go to toy with his necklace. “What will things be like when your break ends, when we have to go back to our separate lives?”
If your question catches him off guard, he doesn’t show it. He just sighs like he’s been thinking about the same thing, rubbing a hand down your arm. “Honestly? I’m not sure. Tried not to think of it much, really.”
“It’s coming soon.” Your voice is almost a whisper, like saying it as soft as you can would make the day you have to leave each other never come. “Too soon.”
“Too soon,” He echoes sadly. “Do you—I mean, would you want to go public?”
The first answer that pops into your head is no.
No, you don’t want to make your relationship known to the public. Lando is a celebrity, and within that territory comes many things you aren’t comfortable with sharing. And it might be selfish of you for the thought to even cross your mind, but part of you doesn’t want to share Lando with the world.
You’ve gotten used to your peaceful little bubble the last few weeks, and once he returns to racing, that bubble will be popped. It might only be a matter of time before people start to figure things out, and you’re not ready for that. Until you part ways, you don’t even want to think about it.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Lando murmurs, drawing you out of your spiraling thoughts. His hand is on your face again, cradling your cheek tenderly, thumb rubbing over your cheek. “We’ll keep things under wraps. I’ve got no problems with that.”
“You don’t?”
“You sound surprised.”
“I’m not,” You say immediately. You must not sound very convincing, because Lando tilts his head in question. “I mean—maybe I am? I just thought you’d want to, y’know, go out and stuff. Press events and races, like the other drivers’ partners.”
“You’ve been looking?” He sighs, but not unkindly. More like an oh, I wish you hadn’t kind of way.
“Yeah. A little.” You feel a little embarrassed admitting it, but you just wanted to know what might be expected of you as Lando’s girlfriend.
In doing so, however, all you’ve done is hurt your own feelings. In your hours long deep dive about Formula 1 WAGs, as you’ve come to learn they’re called, there seem to be some commonalities.
They’re all brilliant, accomplished women. Some of them are models, some athletes, some businesswomen. Everything about them seems pristine and polished, always perfect. From their makeup, to their clothes, even their posture is perfect. You, on the other hand, you’re nothing like them. You’re not a model, you’re not as accomplished or as brilliant, and yeah, most of the time you slouch when you sit.
You’re just…you.
And for some reason, Lando likes you. Loves you. That should be enough for you, and you hate that it isn’t.
You hate that at the very back of your brain, the thought that you’re not good enough for him digs its way into your self conscience, burrowing deep into the pit of your stomach. It has its claws in you, and it isn’t letting go any time soon. You’re not sure it ever will.
“You’re spiraling again, baby,” Lando chides lightly, bringing you back to the present moment once more. You meet his gaze again, thinking you’ll find pity, but seeing nothing but adoration. He bumps your chin with his knuckles lightly. “I love you. Not who you think you should be.”
Your heart swells so big you’re certain it might burst out of your chest. Lando knew exactly what you needed to hear in this moment of self doubt and didn’t hesitate to tell you.
You smile at him, leaning forward to press your lips against his with all the love and affection you can muster, because words aren’t enough to explain just how lucky you are to have found someone like him.
Lando sighs against your mouth, having no hesitation in swinging himself to hover over you.
You let him nudge you back gently against the pillows, knees falling apart easily to accommodate the thigh he slots between them, and it has him pushing in even closer, chasing the breath right out of your chest with the way he’s kissing you.
Safe to say, sleep does not take you until a long while later, not until you're both wearing a lot less clothes, tangled in each other’s embrace, fighting to keep your eyes open. Lando tells you he loves you one more time before you drift off for good, a whisper pressed against your temple in the darkened room.
You’ll sleep well tonight with the ease of knowing that there is no question of how Lando feels about you, about your relationship. Everything is perfect.
-------
“No, that’s bullshit. I’m not doing that. I don’t care if that’s what they want, I’m not doing it.”
Lando’s hushed voice is what wakes you up, quiet but still sharp. Firm.
Light from the bathroom pours in one beam through the cracked door on the other side of the room, piercing the darkness of early morning. You can see him pacing back and forth too, phone pressed to his ear, and it piques your concern. Whoever is on the other side of the line has obviously said something to get him heated.
Work again, maybe?
“Is everything okay?” You yawn, squinting at him through the sleep in your eyes as he shuffles back into the bedroom after the call ends.
“Sorry for waking you,” He says stiffly. You pull yourself into an upright position.
“S’okay. What’s wrong?” Lando just tosses his phone into the mess of clothes in his bag on the chair. You’ll take that as a no, everything is not okay, and yes, something is wrong. “Lando.”
He sits at the edge of the bed, facing away from you, elbows braced on his knees. You scoot towards him, smoothing a gentle hand over his back as your chin presses into his shoulder, his skin still warm under your fingers. You’re not sure what's wrong, but whatever it is, you’re there for him.
“There’s pictures of us from the other night, at the club, and the beach. People took pictures of us together and now they’re all over social media.”
Your heart sinks. “Oh. That’s not great, is it?”
“No. Not really.”
“Was that your PR officer calling?” You ask. Lando nods. “What did they say?”
“Best to not go online today. And turn off your notifications too, because they’ll find you fast. Honestly, just turn off your phone.” He stands abruptly from the bed, away from you, pacing and muttering and raking his hands through his hair. You can almost see the cogs in his brain spinning from where you are.
This is foreign territory to you. You haven’t the slightest idea on how to deal with a situation like this one. You’re not even sure Lando fully does, given the way he’s acting right now.
Still, it feels…violating. Having photos taken of you without your knowledge or consent, then having those photos spread around like they’re some sort of gossip. Even more so because you’ve felt safe around Lando up until this moment.
Now he’s telling you to stay offline, to turn off your phone because strangers on the Internet will find you. You don’t even want to know what’ll happen when they do.
“Will you slow down for a minute, please?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest. He doesn’t answer, just continues in his back and forth actions. “Can we talk about this, or have you gotten everything about our relationship figured out on your own already?”
It’s a bit petty, a little bratty of you. Of course he hasn’t gotten much of anything figured out—he’s only just been made aware of the situation that had likely progressed overnight. It isn’t something he should be having to deal with on his summer break, but he does.
He stops in his tracks, stares at you blankly, and for a second, you think he’ll sit down and listen to you. But then he’s on the move again, rifling through his bag for something. “I think I should take you home.”
You let out a sharp exhale, raising a skeptical brow. “Are you serious right now?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? This isn’t a joke, this is my image we’re talking about.” He procures a wrinkled shirt from the depths of his bag, wasting no time in pulling it over his head.
That leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. You’re very aware that you have no idea what it’s like for him, no idea what it’s like to have your every move be so up for public speculation. That being said, you do know how a biting jab like that makes you feel.
“Your image!” You chuckle wryly. “Oh, I’m so sorry, you’re right. You need to keep up your image, my bad.”
There goes the tic in his jaw again. He’s still not making eye contact with you either, which irks you to no end. “Let me find my keys, I’ll drive you home.”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll just take an Uber. Wouldn’t want to put your image at risk any more than I already have.” You throw the blankets off yourself, going to find your clothes yourself.
Lando lets out a frustrated noise from the back of his throat. He’s probably just as ticked off as you are, but you're not really thinking of that right now. “C’mon, don’t be ridiculous. I’ll drive you home, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart. He’s being all pissy like this and he still has the nerve to call you that. You fight to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the nickname. You’re still getting used to it. Right now, you have a love hate relationship with it.
“Fine.”
That’s the last word said by either of you until you're almost back to your place. By this point, you've cooled down considerably. You’ve gathered your thoughts enough to realize you were being a little bitchy about the situation. He’s frustrated, you're frustrated, but it's not either of your faults.
The car pulls to a stop and the doors unlock automatically, so technically you could just let yourself out without saying anything at all. You almost do, but you don't want to leave things the way they are with Lando right now.
“I love you,” You say softly, carefully watching him for a reaction.
The clench in his jaw softens almost imperceptibly, but the crease between his brows, the set of his shoulders, the laser focus he's got on something off in the distance, those still remain.
It’s an entire world away from the way his face had lit up brighter than the sun when you said the exact same three words to him for the first time, just last night. “Text me when you get back so I know you're home safe?”
“Yeah, sure.” His voice is clipped, void of any emotion. He doesn't want to talk. That you can see loud and clear.
Still, you try again. “I’m sorry about the photos, Lan.”
“Not your fault.”
It’s not your fault either, you want to say. You want to look him in the eyes and tell him everything will be okay, that things will work out in the end. You don't—you can’t—because he’s angled himself away from you.
Tears burn at the edges of your eyes and you think you can feel your heart crack a little bit, but you will yourself to get out of the car before he can see them fall. The last thing you need is to add to whatever is going on inside his head right now.
Yeah, maybe you’d been a little combative with him at first, but at the end of everything, you love him now. You still want to figure things out together. But judging by the way he won’t even look you in the eye right now, it isn’t what he wants.
How could you go from basking in the light of newfound love to barely being able to get a word out of him, with just one phone call? A phone call about you, your relationship with Lando, one where you don’t even know what was said.
You hear him pull away as soon as you shut the door behind you.
Is it bad that a small part of you is glad he waited for you to get inside? It means he still cares about you enough to make sure you’re in safely, even though he might be upset with you.
Then you’re hit with the fact that he is upset with you, and that sliver of hope vanishes.
You sink down onto the cold tile of the entryway, back against the door. Everything was so good and now it’s all going to shit, and you hate to think about how you’ve messed things up.
“Tell us everything and don’t leave a single detail—” Maren’s gleeful shout dies in her throat the second she comes barreling around the corner and sees you on the floor with your head in your hands.
She’s quick to call for the other two, rushing to your side in a second and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.
“I’m gonna kill him. Do I need to kill him?” Samira sounds beyond angry. You’ve only ever seen her this angry a few times, all of which you were glad to have never been the source of.
Camille hushes Samira’s threats, kneeling by your other side. “What happened?”
“Too much,” You mumble, half muffled by the sleeve of your jumper. Lando’s jumper. You want to rip it off and chuck it in the bin, but it’s the same one he’d been wearing the first night you spent together—soft and well loved, smelling like his cologne. Instead, your hands clench into fists around the worn cotton, squeezing the material tight between your fingers.
You eventually find your way to the couch, where you remain until nightfall nears, a half empty bottle of wine sitting open on the coffee table in front of you while your comfort show plays quietly on the television. Realistically, you should be getting ready to go for a night out on the town, but you’re all in your pajamas, curled up against each other nicely.
You’d managed to tell them what was going on through tears that had stopped a while ago, but the thought of Lando putting up walls to keep you out of the situation still burns bright in your mind.
The doorbell rings suddenly and you wrinkle your nose, confused.
Camille untangles herself from the pile, squeezing your hand gently. “I’ll get it! It’s probably our food.” You didn’t even know she’d ordered dinner, but you won't complain. All this wallowing in your hurt feelings has really spurred an appetite.
But then Maren and Samira leave for the door too and you're alone on the couch, even more confused.
“Don’t get mad at us, okay?”
Your mouth pulls into a confused frown at your friends who’ve just reappeared, but then you see Lando step into the room. He looks disheveled and just like you were hoping he’s been feeling—guilty.
Your eyes flick to the girls. You don’t feel betrayed, but rather the thought of them reaching out to Lando brings you a surge of love.
They’ve always known what you need, even if you don’t know it yourself.
“You two need to talk things out, so we’ll be in the kitchen. But if you make her cry again and I’ll kick your pretty rich boy ass, I swear to—” The rest of Samira’s threat is cut off by the other two pulling her out of sight.
That just leaves you and Lando, staring at each other, expressions unreadable. He steps forward, hesitant feet bringing him to the edge of the couch, where he perches awkwardly.
“Hey,” He says meekly, shoving his hands into the big pocket of his jumper. You can’t bring yourself to greet him back. “You weren’t answering any of my texts or calls.”
He looks like he wants to reach out for you but refrains himself from doing so. You’re partly glad he does, because if he did, you’re not sure you could’ve stopped yourself from burying yourself in his arms.
Instead, you stare at him blankly. “You told me to turn off my notifications.”
Lando sucks in a breath through his teeth, head bobbing slightly. “I did say that, didn’t I?”
“You shut me out, Lando. You wouldn’t even tell me what was happening,” You grit out. You’re hurt, to say the least. You hope he knows that. “Don’t you think I have the right to know what’s going on?”
“I know. I know, and I’m sorry,” He insists, almost pleading. “I didn’t mean to shut down like that. I guess I’m just used to doing these kinds of things on my own, y’know? Usually when my name trends on social media, it’s something I’ve done. Something I’ve got to deal with the aftermath of. But now, this time…”
“This time, there’s me,” You finish, frowning.
“Yeah. It isn’t just my life I have to think of, it’s yours too. Having your every move watched and judged by people who don’t know you is the last thing I want for you to have to go through. I can handle it because it comes with the job, but you shouldn’t have to. It isn’t fair to you.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Isn’t it? We’re in this situation because of me. Because of who I am.”
“You didn't ask for this. Like you said, it comes with the job, no matter what you do.”
“Yeah, but I—”
“Lando, I’m not mad that the photos got leaked, I was hurt because you just took me home and left me here without telling me what was going on,” You say. Your voice only wavers the tiniest bit, and you fight it even more. “It felt like you didn't want me to have any input on our relationship, and that's not what a relationship is supposed to be like. At least, not one that I want to be in. I would hope you’d feel the same way.”
“I do. Baby, I do feel the same way. I love you, and I should’ve said it back in the car, I know. And I was angry this morning, but not at you, and I should’ve made that clear too. I was upset and I made some rash decisions, and I’m so sorry,” He sighs, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. When he opens them again, there's pain swirling within them. “I just wanted something to be just mine for once. I wanted our relationship, I wanted you to be that something, because in my life, everything is public. Even if I’d rather it not be, somehow it always ends up out there for the whole world to see, and I don’t want that for us. I know you don’t want that. I don’t ever want you to feel like you're giving up anything to be with me. That being said, I understand if you want to call things off.”
He doesn’t look at you when he says it, but the pure sense of defeat in his tone makes your guarded posture finally soften.
Despite how things were left this morning, the thought of calling things off with Lando had never even crossed your mind. The fact that he thinks it was enough to make you want to break up with him has every ounce of frustration you have towards him leaving your body.
“I don’t,” You say firmly. His head flies up, gaze snapping to yours, a mixture of relief and confusion. “I don’t wanna break up, Lan.”
“Thank god, ‘cause I don’t either.” Finally, he reaches a hand out towards you, and you feel okay enough to crawl over and curl into his side. He immediately presses a smattering of kisses against the side of your head that makes your stomach feel all fuzzy again. “I hate that your privacy was stripped away so soon.”
“Honestly? Part of me knew something like this might happen,” You admit, pulling his arm around you snugly. “I’ve made my peace with it.”
“You have?”
You shoot him a tiny frown paired with a sharp exhale. “Well, obviously it’s not great, but it was bound to happen at some point, right?”
“So you’re cool with it?”
“I’m not ready to make it publicly official, if that's what you're asking. But I’m…not as upset as I thought I’d be.” You shrug, humming thoughtfully. “Can I ask what your team said on the phone?”
Lando lets a mirthless scoff escape from the back of his throat. It stings less now that you know he's not upset with you for asking about it. “They wanted me to say you were just some random girl. That you were a fan, or something, and that I didn’t know you.”
“Well, that seems a little excessive.”
“Yeah, I know, I said the same thing! Nobody with half a brain would believe it either. I mean, just look at us.” He digs his phone out of his pocket, scrolling around until he finds what he’s looking for and flipping it around for you to look at.
Turns out you’d been right on the nose about someone recognizing Lando at the club. The photo is grainy and a little blurry, but you can tell it's him cozied up behind you even though his head is tipped down. There’s no mistaking that messy head of curls.
Then there’s the one at the beach, of the two of you holding hands as you walk along the shore with your heels dangling from Lando’s fingers. There’s a video too—Lando brushing your hair away from your face before leaning in to kiss you gently.
It’s still an invasion of privacy, definitely, but there's something romantic about it. Like, at least it's nothing bad. It’s just an outwards expression of your love. You might not be quite ready to share that love with the world just yet, but one day, you might.
“Y’know, if you ignore the whole gossip mill of it all, the pictures are actually kinda cute.”
“Ha! You think so?”
“Sure do. My boobs look great in the club one.”
Lando draws his lower lip between his teeth, shamelessly zooming in on the specific photo. “Mm, yeah they do, huh?”
You scoff, digging your elbow into his stomach lightly. “Stop that!”
“What? You said it, I’m just agreeing!” He protests, holding his hands up in surrender. Then he tilts his head hopefully. “We’re okay now? I’m forgiven for being a big stupid idiot?” He asks, tilting his head hopefully. You chuckle, nodding, and he beams. “Mint! Love you.”
“I love you too, you big stupid idiot.”
"Fuck, I love hearing you say that."
"What, big stupid idiot?" You tease, dodging the decorative pillow Lando swings your way.
"Funny. The first part, obviously. Say it again for me?"
"I love you, Lan," You say again, looking directly at him.
The giddy smile that curves his lips and makes his whole face brighten is worth everything to you. You'd tell Lando you love him every single day if it'd make him happy.
“Am I allowed to ask you all to come over? Max is fetching Pietra from the airport and she wants to meet you all so badly, I don’t think I’ll be allowed back in the house if I don’t bring you back with me,” He says, smile turning sheepish. “D’you think the girls are gonna try to kill me?”
“Uh, I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure? It’s a yes or no answer, baby.”
“I’m ninety percent sure you’ll be fine.”
“Ninety?”
“Eighty five.”
“That’s so much worse.”
When you inevitably do make it back to Lando’s villa, Max and Pietra have just arrived home too, still outside as Lando pulls up right next to their car.
Max folds you into a hug once you’re in range, pausing briefly to say quietly into your ear, “I knew you’d work things out. I’d have kicked his ass if he didn’t.”
You squeeze his shoulder gratefully, because you know he’d had something to do with getting Lando to make things right.
Pietra and Lando bicker kind of like siblings, but even then you can tell they're close. He introduces her to all of you, and she instantly melds in so seamlessly with you and your girls it feels like you’ve been friends for ages, chattering away about what Max has told her about your adventures in Greece so far.
Finally, things really are all perfect in your little world.
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#lando norris#lando norris x reader#ln4#ln4 x reader#lando norris x fem!reader#lando norris x you#lando norris fic#lando norris series#lando norris imagine#summer's golden haze
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something old, something new
hello have a 2.3k drabble about Heeseung still having feelings for his ex heavily inspired by the above behind the scenes no doubt mv pics and based on this anon prompt sent to me:
this was supposed to be short but I got carried away and ended up writing 2.3k on my PHONE in an hour so please excuse any typos 😭
⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
Lee Heeseung loves weddings.
When he admits this to people, which is in and of itself a fairly rare occasion, they assume it’s for all of the usual reasons.
The open bar, the well curated playlist, the free food... After all, those are the typical things men in their mid twenties tend to enjoy. And Heeseung always nods along. Forces a laugh whenever his conversation partner cracks another age old joke about getting a little too tipsy on the dance floor.
Besides, it’s not like he’s immune to baser pleasures. At twenty-five, Heeseung does genuinely enjoy eating well and getting drunk on someone else’s dime.
But if he digs a little deeper, is a little more honest with himself, the real reason he loves weddings so much is the romance of it all.
A white dress thats been agonized over and alternated to perfection. A cake thats been taste-tested and intentionally designed with the lucky couple in mind. A venue that likely cost an arm and a leg, but it’s worth it, because it’s the place where two people get to display the love they have for each other in front of everyone that’s important in their lives.
And Jay, he thinks, has outdone them all. The ballroom Heeseung steps into with perfectly shined shoes is jaw-droppingly gorgeous. Crystal chandeliers bathe the high ceilinged room in soft, warm light that almost glows like candles at dusk.
The aisle separates two generously sized sections of seating from one another. Each table is laid with a crease less cream colored tablecloth and a bouquet of flowers that Heeseung doesn’t want to guess the price of. It’s stunning. It’s perfect.
And Jay, Heeseung’s best friend of thirteen years, deserves nothing less.
Jake seems to agree. Coming to stand next to Heeseung, he jerks his chin towards the door that leads to the neighboring room. “I just heard from a very trustworthy source that the open bar starts at 1 pm sharp,” he grins.
Heeseung has a sneaking suspicious that this trustworthy source is Sunghoon, which means it’s likely to be incorrect. Besides, booze isn’t what he’s here for.
“Hopefully not,” Heeseung nudges Jake’s shoulder, “since no one wants to watch you stumble down the aisle.”
“At least I’m just a groomsman.” Jake shrugs. “You, on the other hand, Mr. Best Man, have to be on your best behavior. Besides, I can handle my alcohol.”
Heeseung’s lips flatten. “I have several videos that prove otherwise.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jake waves his palm. “I’ll be good. I promise. No shots until after the ceremony.”
Heeseung just rolls his eyes. His younger friend might be a little more lax when it comes to conducting himself in public, but Heeseung isn’t actually worried. This is Jay’s wedding, after all. And no matter how much Jake and Sunghoon enjoy a good party, they also know how to take things seriously when it matters.
For a moment, Jake just looks around the room, taking it in like Heeseung had a few minutes prior. Similar actions, different conclusions. Jake doesn’t comment on the lighting or the tablecloths or even the romance. Instead, he says, “I can’t believe Jay’s actually getting married.”
“Yeah,” Heeseung breathes. Jay is the first in their friend group to officially leave bachelor-hood, and it does feel a bit strange to bear witness to. “Me neither.”
Jake is still shaking his head. “And he’s the first one out of all of us. That’s almost weirder. You know, we always thought it would be –”
Remembering himself, Jake lets the sentiment die on his lips.
It doesn’t matter, though. Heeseung already knows what he was going to say.
We always thought it would be you.
Four long years ago, at twenty-one, Heeseung had felt far too young for marriage. But that didn’t stop him from imagining what you’d look like in a white dress. What flavor of wedding cake the two of you would select from the box of samples. What overpriced venue you would decide to officially intertwine your lives in.
It didn’t stop him from tucking away a small, velvet box in the back of his drawer for safekeeping. From fantasizing about kneeling in front of you and finally sliding a gorgeous, sparking ring right where he wanted it to belong.
It didn’t stop him from making promises and plans. Adjustments to his life just to make sure there was always space for you.
But one year later, the box and the ring inside were still tucked away. And the love Heeseung kept safe suddenly had no place to go.
He told his friends it was mutual, that you’d made the decision together. But Heeseung never wanted to let go. Even if a job opportunity meant you had to move across the country. Even if it made no logical sense for him to follow when he was still finishing his degree.
It was circumstances, he explained to his friends, to his family. Not anything either of you did wrong.
But alone, surrounded by the four walls of his bedroom and the overwhelming clamor of his own thoughts, Heeseung just cried. Sobbed. The kind of tears that left him gasping for air and with a throb behind his temple.
Because he knew that he never would have done that to you. He would have turned down the job, would have found a way to make long distance work, would have transferred to another university to be close to you even if it wasn’t logical.
He would have done it, the big romantic gesture that gives the rom-com a happy ending and signals to the production team that it’s time to roll the credits.
But you didn’t. When he suggested long distance, you just sighed. And there were tears in your eyes too, but there was no fight.
So Heeseung, despite every bone in his body screaming at him not to, let you go.
And now, three years later, he’s about to watch his best friend get married and pretend it doesn’t sting. He’s happy for Jay. He is. But the selfish parts of him will always wish he was the one waiting at the end of the aisle instead. For you.
The universe has never made a habit of bending to his desires, though, and he fulfills his role as best man well. The ceremony goes off without a hitch, and Jake is appropriately steady-footed in his role as a groomsman.
The white dress is gorgeous. The cake is delicious. The venue is perfect. Whatever romance is, Jay and his fiancée — no, his wife — have captured it well.
Despite his earlier words, Heeseung makes a home for himself at the aforementioned open bar the second the ceremony is over. Knocking back another swig of whiskey, he appreciates the slight burn. At least it’s in his throat this time, instead of his heart. And at least it’s induced by alcohol instead of misplaced jealousy.
But he must have had one too many drinks, because for a fleeting moment, he swears that the late arrival that makes a hesitant entrance into the reception room is—
No.
There’s no way.
You only knew Jay because you knew Heeseung, and those flowers withered three long years ago. You have no reason to be here now.
But then he hears it, and oh the lurch in his heart hurts just as bad as it did the first time. Because despite the improbability of it all, that’s your voice that floats above the music and exchanged pleasantries with another guest. Even after all the time that’s passed, Heeseung would know it anywhere. Could pick it out of any crowd.
He turns to you slowly, as if he can delay the inevitable just a little longer. As soon as his eyes land on you, he realizes his mistake. He shouldn’t have looked at you at all, should have just slid off the bar stool and ran in the other direction because it still hurts.
You’re three years older, and the time has been good to you. The evening dress you wear hangs from your body in a way that only reminds him of what you look like beneath it, of the way running his hands and his lips and his love over the skin you conceal used to feel like second nature. The way you used to play with his hair with his head in your lap, trading small moments of intimacy after a long day.
It hurts. It aches and it stings and it burns.
He has to get out of here. He has to leave. Now.
Not caring if he’s making a scene, Heeseung stands from the barstool. The only reason he tries to be somewhat discreet is to avoid the heat of your gaze.
All the way to the door on the opposite side of the room, he doesn’t turn back. Not once. On the other side of the door, he lets his body go limp against the solid surface beneath his spine, just for a moment. He exhales a long held breath.
But the air is still stifling, even as he loosens the tie at his neck. Straightening back to his full height, he turns down a short hallway until he arrives at the small outdoor balcony he noticed earlier.
The air outside is cold, at least. Fresh.
On the horizon, the sun spends its last few moments of the day painting the sky in gorgeous, golden hues. Heeseung squints, but he doesn’t look away. Hands wrapped around the bannister that lines the balcony, he sags into himself.
Shoulders hunched, he forces a long inhale into his lungs. And then he releases it. His breath is a pattern he can cling to, something steady that tethers him back to reality. Something to focus on that isn’t the war in his mind.
But peacetime is only an illusion. After a handful of quiet minutes, he hears the door open behind him.
“Oh,” you startle. He knows it’s you, even from just one syllable. “Sorry, I didn’t realize someone was out here already. I’ll just…” Your words trail off into silence, but Heeseung doesn’t hear retreating footsteps, doesn’t hear the door close again. After another stilted moment, what he hears is, “Heeseung?”
Your voice is small. As if you can apologize just by being gentle. As if he’s a wounded animal you don’t want to startle.
And Heeseung, despite himself, does feel a bit like a kitten left out in the rain when he finds it in himself to turn and face you.
The only word he says is your name. His tone is steady, even. More so than he thought he was capable of. But he’s looking at you now too, and his eyes have never been good at hiding secrets.
“I…” You trail off again. You’re at a loss too. “How are you?”
“Don’t do that,” Heeseung shakes his head.
“I’m sorry,” you retreat immediately. But Heeseung remembers when you used to argue, when you used to fight back. When you valued the strength of your relationship over his wounded pride.
“Don’t be,” Heeseung shakes his head again. “You made your choice, so stick to it. You don’t get to…” He screws his eyes shut for a moment, fist clenching at his side. Opening his eyes again, he matches your gaze. “You don’t get to leave me and then apologize for it.”
Your breath hitches, but you don’t miss a beat. “I meant for intruding,” you tell him. “I was apologizing for disturbing you.”
But you remember how he used to love making space for you in his life. How his plans were your plans and his time alone on a balcony would only be made better if you were there, too.
And you still remember the day you were inspired by a strong bout of spring fever, how you dedicated an entire afternoon to deep cleaning.
You still remember the small, velvet box you found.
You didn’t open it, but you didn’t have to. The small, nondescript container scared you enough. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to marry Heeseung. You already had Pinterest boards full of white dresses and three-tier cakes and stunning venues. Suits that you thought would bring out his best features.
But you’d also just gotten the news of your promotion. Across the country. You didn’t know how to tell him, and you had less of an idea how to leave him.
But you knew you had to. He would follow you, if you let him. You were sure of it. But he was enrolled in the best university for his program, and you watched him fight tooth and nail to earn his spot there.
Heeseung was a bright light, a beacon of good things, and if you were honest with yourself, you felt like his commitment to you was something that only weighed him down.
He was an adult, too. A young one, yes, but a full, grown person all the same. Perfectly capable of making his own decisions, but you took that from him anyway.
And now, three years later, you can still read him like an open book. There’s hurt in his gaze, pain that lingers even now. There’s resentment, too, and you can’t blame him for it.
I still love you, you want to tell him. Because it’s true. Because you do. Because you can see it in his eyes, too.
But you’ve always been better at holding your tongue than him.
Instead, you turn on your heel, planning to exit the way you came.
Fingers around the door handle, the sound of your name stops you.
It sounds like he’s begging, like he’s pleading, and you can’t bear to turn and see the results of your devastation as surely as you hear them.
Instead, you remain motionless. You squeeze your eyes shut as tightly as you can.
And then, so faintly it’s almost lost to the wind, he says, “Stay. Please.”
.....
thanks for reading! send me a drabble prompt here if you'd like!
#heeseung fanfic#heeseung fanfiction#heeseung x you#heeseung x reader#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen x you#enhypen x reader#heeseung drabble#enhypen drabble#heeseung angst#enhypen angst
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OH MY GOD this is such a big gripe for me!! I love my baba lots, but he has this idea that
1. Animation = boring and for kids
2. Animation = it is all the same
And I'm like!! No!! I even pooled anime into it just to get my point across, comparing the storyarc of Death Note and I think Prince of Egypt. Bc there is no comparison!!! They're two wholly different movies!!
And I agree, some animation does look more 'childish' (read: more rounded out 3d animation, like rise of the guardians) and some movies are better at finding that balance between 'adult jokes and themes vs child jokes and themes'. Emperor's new groove is a film that I think is very good at it. Personally, I think frozen less so. So guess what! I'm not rewatching frozen! It wasn’t my jam! But not because of the animation. Frozen has beautiful animation! Those don't go hand in hand!
Guess what, some of my favourite movies are from 1969 and 1993. On modern tellies, they are grainy blurry films. This doesn't stop my love for them!
I tried arguing this with him again when he was watching Love Death Robots on Netflix, an adult animation series in which every episode is its own shortfilm, and they're all animated differently.
I said 'okay what abt LDR then. You like watching that. That's also animation!' To which he replied 'no but LDR is different'
Maaaan. The difference is ofcourse that LDR is not a family film. There is nothing about that animation that's meant for kids. Well guess what, neither are Death Note and Naoki Urasawas monster! Those are animations, and they are big and scary!
Plus, I do also think that automatically assuming animation is only for kids, because it is animation is just plain wrong.
I tried using Big Hero 6 as an example. 'It's a film about a guy who loses is brother in a horrible fire. It follows his story of falling into a depression because of it, and slowly crawling back out when he goes on a journey to find the cause of his brothers death, and avenge him'
Does that sound like 'kids only' to you???
He then shrugged and said 'animation just isn't my thing'. Which, I do think, to an extend, is fair. Sure, you prefer irl people films. I can’t really say anything because I personally am not a big fan of live action films.
But there is one difference that gripes me:
Animation always looks different. Look me in the eye and tell me that Atlantis and tangled are the same style. I dare you.
Ofcourse there is stylistic overlap (Atlantis, Treasure island, prince of Egypt - Moana, frozen, tangled) but the messaging and themes of each film is different. Treasure island is a darker film, with pirates and tech and futuristic objects. Prince of egypt is oranges and reds, nature and architecture and a vast expanse of nothingess. To me that's like saying 'Oh I didn't watch Into the Wild, because it has real people in it. I watched the Matrix, and that had real people, and that wasn’t really my thing.'
It's not an argument I will win with him soon, mostly because he is so strongly convinced that kids movies ≠ family movies (if it's for kids, I can't enjoy it! Even if they deal with heavy topics like bad familial bonds, mourning and depression, having your dreams crushed, losing all hope, and so on) and that animation = animation, even though there are strong stylistic differences in it.
Maybe next time I should tell him that news media and social media are the same thing and that I don't go into newsmedia bc I get all my info from social media instead. Watch him get an anheurism right there in front of me.
animation being treated like a genre instead of a medium is something that actually makes me go insane. beauty and the beast is a romance. the emperor's new groove is a buddy comedy. big hero 6 is a superhero movie. moana is an adventure film. the lion king is a drama. treasure planet is sci-fi. if i was talking to someone who hadn't seen these movies before, and they weren't specifically interested in animation as a medium, then i wouldn't necessarily assume they'd enjoy all of these. and that's just disney movies! try telling an anime fan that fruits basket and fullmetal alchemist are the same genre and see how they react!
#pls don't come for me I DO NOT go to social media for my news#but he is a newspaper guy so these are words he'll understand
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh
#lucanis is being SO cringe with that line right out there in public and I would die for him. it's just such a weird thing to say#tbf if anyone in the world is used to the insane things lucanis says and would go 'yes yes lucanis waxing poetic about coffee#in ways normal people reserve for trying to get in someone's pants (the roast won't fuck you lucanis)#we've all heard it' like it's all normal I suppose it would be illario. and also he's too busy with the 'shit fuck shit he's not dead#he's not dead of the family members 'supposed' to be dead we're at two definite failures out of two and woe me if the twain should meet#if that IS a demon in there it sure talks exactly in the same bizarre way only my cousin does#does that mean anything what the fuck do I do who do I kill about this' internal monologue I guess#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I mean he does very much say that to a non-romancing rook too which only makes it all the more delightfully odd#is it a very lucaniscore way of testing the waters. is it just how he always talks about coffee. many plausible approaches here#no one forced him to bring up kisses and 'you should try it' out of the blue like that is all I'm saying. he could have acted normal#(theoretically)#i feel there are reasons to read some stuff into it lol#lucanis when rye says he prefers tea: it's so over cautious overture I don't quite understand myself yet gently rebuffed#lucanis when rye takes him up on the 'so what should a first kiss be' theme: oh we're so back!!!! wait. what. what do I do now#what is this#it's kind of really sweet that rook answers with their own playfully florid beverage based barely hidden metaphor at the end too#matching freaks and having fun with it#as far as lucanis is concerned rye's only true flaws are 1) prefers tea to coffee (oh well. no one can be perfect. cross-cultural love#can conquer all even in this) and 2) weird taste in interior design (did we really HAVE to bring your 15 foot tall corpse statues#with us home rook. I can understand a tasteful skull here and there but this seems excessive. well if it makes you happy I guess)
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24 hour time loops: not long enough to create or undo anything permanent, crazy-making but often still funny
365 day time loops: the most fucked up shit you could possibly imagine
#the lazarus project#every time I go to rewatch tlp I get stuck on ep 3 because. yeah. but I am pushing through!!!!#much like Janet did one could say (sorry)#disabling reblog because you guys are just independently arriving at ideas for messed up pregnancy scenarios#which is is what this post was originally about - because this post was about the lazarus project and this very thing just not as outright#and it's great to see people get so creative coming up with this stuff independently but also it's just unoriginal and therefore annoying#to me as the person whose notes are being flooded. love and light ❤️
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