#love you lieslab 🩵

[newbbystay]

This was awesome!! I love Chan's reaction and immediate concern. And the running around the house? That killed me! 🤣

Whiplash

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Bang Chan X gn reader

Summary: Your boyfriend isn't thrilled when he finds out you've kick-started your caffeine addiction again.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.8K

A/N: To whoever requested this, you wanted angst, and there is a bit in here, but I made this more lighthearted more than anything. The things I would do for a cotton candy bang are unholy. Caffeine addictions and heart issues are not cool. Anyway, here you go <3

_ _ _

Everything inside your body pulsed and buzzed. The pounding of your heart banged against your chest louder and louder and louder. Blood rushed through your ears like an angry dam, but you couldn’t find it in your system to care. 

The last time you drank four energy drinks in the span of a few hours, you freaked out. Your heart was pounding so loud, you couldn’t hear yourself think. Terrified, you woke Chan up at five in the morning because you were convinced you were dying. You didn’t want to die without kissing him good-bye. 

When the doctors announced that it was just too much caffeine, you felt guilty. Not only did you feel shitty about waking Chan up so early, but you felt awful because it was entirely preventable. The doctors cautioned you about using too much of the artificial booster and you agreed that you’d limit yourself. 

If you needed an extra boost at your job or to get through coursework, you’d limit yourself to two drinks at most. Whether it was two coffees, two energy drinks, or an energy drink and a coffee, it didn’t matter. Two was the limit and you swore you’d never do it again. 

However, that was before you started to slowly lose your mind due to stress. The more caffeine consumed, the more you could push yourself. For some, caffeine causes jitters and stress, but for you, you felt superhuman on it. It was crack in a can and you couldn’t wait for the next high. 

It was easier to do more work. No matter how much exhaustion weighed in your bones because you missed out on essential sleep, this worked for you. You woke up and found caffeine. Struggling mid-morning? You found more caffeine. Afternoon dreariness? Cleared away with caffeine. Night time sleepiness? More caffeine. 

It was a bit difficult to keep it away from Chan, but you succeeded. You stayed out later and you’d shotgun the drinks in your car before heading inside. In the back of your shared closet, deep in a hidden shoe box, you hid your caffeine stash. He was none the wiser and that’s how you liked it. 

You didn’t mean to cause concern when you let Felix ride along with you to find a birthday gift for Chan. The two of you knew what you each wanted to get him, but Felix didn’t want to go alone. The other guys were busy and when you mentioned that you still needed to buy your gift, he jumped at the chance to go together. 

You were in the clear until you opened the trunk to put in the few gifts you got. It was easier to put them in the trunk, but the moment Felix caught a glimpse of the three grocery bags of drinks, his eyes narrowed at you. 

“It’s not what it looks like!” You quickly uttered, trying to keep yourself pulled together. You reassured him that you stocked up with the help of coupons. It was a good deal and you weren’t going to let it go to waste. 

You thought you were successful, but you were Chan’s lover. Felix wasn’t going to sit back and let something happen to you. He knew you told Chan that you quit caffeine entirely. Chan mentioned it the other day proudly with a dimpled smile. Yet, here you were hiding energy drinks and coffee with triple espresso shots like they were drugs. 

He was coming from a good place. When he mentioned to Chan that he didn’t know you were drinking caffeinated drinks a few weeks later, Chan looked at him confused. “What do you mean?” Felix’s face grew pale as he explained what he saw. 

When Chan rushed out the door, he frowned, wondering if he just should have stayed silent about it. Honestly, he forgot about it until Chan mentioned that he needed a caffeine boost to get through producing the next song. 

How bad could the fall out be, truly? Chan would confront you, you’d feel bad, the two of you would make up, and life would go on, right? The more he thought about it, the more he stressed about it. Trying to make a wrong right, he dialed your number and warned you that Chan was on his way home. 

Deep in the darkness of your apartment, you were hunched over your laptop when you got the call. You threw your head back with a groan and slid your thumb across the phone. “Hello?” You grumbled. 

Your eyes were aching again. The words on the computer screen blended together and a headache was beginning to throb in the back of your head. Despite all the caffeine pulsing through your blood, you were still exhausted until Felix’s warning. 

You wasted no time in parting ways with him. There were two energy drinks in front of you and in your desperate haze, you had been sipping back and forth between the pair, hoping that it’d wake you up. You picked up one, chugged it with loud gulps, and followed it with the second. 

Your eyes squeezed shut at the sudden bitter aftertaste. Your stomach squirmed and tried to handle the waterfall of liquid. It pulsed and you felt bloated now, but there was no time to waste. After slamming your laptop shut, you rushed to the front door to put the empty cans in your car. Surely, he wouldn’t think about looking there, right? 

The moment you swung open the front door, you were blinded by led lights. Your eyes squeezed shut and the empty cans went up in mock surrender. The lights clicked off and a car door slammed. When Chan called your first, middle, and last name, you knew you were fucked. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Footsteps inched closer to you. “You said you were quitting caffeine, so why did you-” 

There it was. The sudden pulsing of bright white energy that felt like an otherworldly static. It clouded your senses and coaxed up a supernatural element within you. Chan was still talking, but you tuned him out. When he called your full government name again, the cans fell from your hands, and you took off. 

You were there and then you were gone. You jumped off the porch and your bare feet flew over the grass. Your heart pounded like a jackhammer. The wind ripped your hair back and every sense within you roared with a brightly burning fire. 

“What the FUCK?!” Chan cried out as you sprinted away. “Get back here, we’re not done talking! Hey!” His hands balled into fists and he ran after you. 

“I didn’t do anything!” You cried over your shoulder. “I’m innocent!” 

“Your actions speak otherwise! How much caffeine have you had?” 

“I lost track after six-hundred milligrams.” 

“Six-hundred? Fuck! Stop running!” 

You couldn’t help, but sprint faster. The house blurred in your peripheral vision. Soft grass tickled the bottom of your bare feet. Your vision was lit up by a distant yellow light that illuminated the street. 

Chan groaned as you kept running. “Can you stop this and come talk to me? Stop being so childish! We’ve had this conversation before!” 

“You’re going to yell at me.” 

“I’m gonna do more than just yell,” he grumbled beneath his breath. His aching calves slowed and his hands went to his hips. He lifted his head to the sky to gain more oxygen for his lungs. “Fuck,” he whispered as he watched you continue around the side of the house. 

He assumed you’d stop after you realized he’d stopped chasing you, but you didn’t. Instead, you continued rushing around the darkened house. The more laps you ran, the more increasingly frustrated he grew. 

His arms crossed over his chest. “Are you done yet?” His face dropped into a scowl and his irritation continued to climb. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t stop. I have so much energy and this is so wonderful. Just give me a few minutes.” 

A hand fell to his face. Two fingers rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed. He stepped forward and positioned himself towards your path. Running behind the house, you had no idea what was about to come. 

As you circled your new path, he intercepted you by the back of your shirt. You were grabbed and pushed against the siding of the house. You panted heavily and tried to pull away, but Chan didn’t let go. 

Instead, his hand found the bottom of your chin. It wasn’t a rough move, but it wasn’t exactly light either; just enough to grab your attention. “What did we discuss the last time you had too many energy drinks?” 

“Um...” 

“Don’t play dumb. You might be caffeinated, but I know that you remember what the doctor said. They said what you’re doing right now is dangerous and yet you keep doing it. Why is that?” 

“Can’t-” You sucked in a deep breath, “help it. It helps me with stuff and I-” Another gasped breath fell from your lips. “It makes life easier.” 

“How is life going to be any easier if this shit stops your heart?” 

The brief fun feeling that was electrifying your brain suddenly faded away. A frown fell upon your face and that’s when Chan knew that he had your attention. His grip loosened, but his hand didn’t pull away. 

“Just listen to me, okay? If you want to have caffeine, that’s fine. This much? That’s not fine. You know I love you, right?” His face softened as his eyes met yours. “I worry about you enough as it is already. If anything happened to you that was preventable, I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself. Do you understand?” 

You slowly nodded your head. Guilt filled your body and you felt awful about the situation. His other hand reached up and gently cupped your face. You couldn’t pull away with your back against the white siding. 

His lips caught yours, but he quickly pulled away. “Ew!” He cried. He pulled away from you and rapidly pawed at his lips. “Ew! Ew! Ew! You had that disgusting energy drink that I-” 

“Nuh-uh! That’s the best flavor out there!” 

“You’re a sicko!” 

“Go to hell.” 

His head suddenly snapped towards you. “What the fuck did you just say?” The sternness had faded away and was replaced with a mischievous side eye. 

“Oh, fuck.” 

“Go ahead,” he took a step closer, “say it to my face and watch what happens, little one.” 

“Well… would you look at that…” You glanced over his shoulder. When he jerked his head backwards, you sprinted for your life. 

“You jerk! Get back here!” 

“You’ll never catch me! Kiss my ass!” 

“You’re being a royal cunt!” 

“Suck it!”

His squeaky laugh filled the air. The seriousness of the situation dissolved. He chased you and he could have caught you, but he let you have your fun. There was no way in hell you’d survive his attitude adjustment, so for now, he’d let you work off some pent up energy. 

When you collapsed at his feet, he’d have his own version of fun.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

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[newbbystay]

This was so perfect. Down to their behavior to their reactions to their realization. It's so well done.

Look after you

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: og8 X gn reader

Summary: When the idol life gets too tough, you're right there to try and make it better.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 5.2K

Trigger warning: Anger, insecurities, depression, anxiety, and mentions of dieting and fainting.

A/N: Please take this with a grain of salt because I don't think some of this is accurate. I write so much about the guys giving us comfort, but I reversed it and wrote about giving them comfort. If it somehow reaches them, I hope they feel seen.

Too many people forget that idols aren't ours. It's a privilege to watch them bloom and it's taken for granted too much. This is my love letter to them. Please be kind to your idols. We have no idea the true extent of what they've been through. They're humans too.

_ _ _

Chan: 

The sound of banging and clanging in the kitchen caused your head to jolt up from your spot on the couch with a start. Sleep crusted in the corner of your eyes, but that was the least of your worries. You struggled to set the weight of your body up. Instability clutched onto you from the sleepy lack of awareness. 

Footsteps drifted from one side of the kitchen to the other. Condiments rattled as a refrigerator door slammed shut. Panic squeezed your heart and you blinked rapidly. Someone was intruding in your space and in your home. You needed to call the cops and-

There was a loud crash and something shattered on impact. “Fuck!” Chan’s voice cut through the air. You jumped, but then relaxed at the sound of his voice. 

You moved as quickly as you could while calling out his name. When you rounded the corner, Chan’s hand went up. “Don’t come in here, I dropped a plate.” 

He wasn’t lying. One of the plates was on the ground and pieces shattered like stars. A crescent laid off to one side. They dotted the tile floor and you took another step closer. 

“Hey, I said don’t!” Chan barked. “God, why can’t anyone listen? First, it’s the fans and now it’s you. Why can’t anyone just listen to me? Everyone always thinks they’re helping and they’re not!” 

You blinked, taken back by the sudden harsh tone of voice. Last you knew, everything was fine when he left this morning. He said the band was recording another new song. You spent the day hanging around the house because it was your day off. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You finally asked with a frown. 

“That’s what it means. Get out of the kitchen before you get glass in your bare feet. Go away, so I can clean this up.” 

“What happened with the fans?” You pressed further. 

“There was a misunderstanding and they sent those stupid trucks to set out in front of the company building. It makes the company look bad and management is blaming me. It’s not my fucking fault, but someone has to be blamed.” 

He sucked in a deep breath, shut his eyes, and frowned. “I love the fans, but sometimes they don’t think before they act. They forget that we have a whole team around us. Sometimes we don’t make every little decision, management does and we do what we’re told. It’s not as simple as they make it out to be.” 

“Oh, Channie…” 

“Please don’t say that.” His chin dipped to his chest. Being a leader was hard and it was harder dealing with the burden of everything. 

Everyone says it’s a privilege to be the leader. To be the one who paves the way for the group. To make sure everyone is playing their part. The truth is that even the leader needs to be led sometimes. Even the leader needs to be coddled and attended with love and affection. 

He refused it, but you knew it deep down. You could see it in his actions. The way he’d grab you and nuzzle his face into the back of your neck. His arms would wrap around you tightly and he’d stay that way forever if you let him. 

You saw it in the way he’d playfully pout when you had to leave. He knew you had your own life, but he only wanted another minute of your warmth. The need for love oozed out of every pore and you’d do anything to keep him happy. 

His eyes opened the moment that he felt hands on his body. He jerked up to see you standing in front of him. You snuck your way through shards of glass unscathed. 

“Babe, I told you to leave the kitchen.” 

“The love of my life needs a reminder that he’s still loved. Despite the chaos from fans and the occasional burden of the leader position, you’re still you. I’m still allowed to love you, you know?” On your tip-toes, you raised yourself upright and pressed a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. 

Scarlet swamped his cheeks and that dimpled shy smile began to grow. Being a leader was hard, but with a little extra love from the people around him, it’d always be worth it. 

_ _ _ 

Minho: 

You knew something was amiss when Minho’s nostrils flared. It was such a small tell and you weren’t sure if he knew he did it. He only did it when something seemed to be on his mind. Something was driving him insane internally and you were going to figure it out. 

He was putting on the outfit he was supposed to wear to perform at the awards show in the next few hours. Instead of getting ready with the guys, he opted to hang out with you in the hotel room. Later, he’d meet up with the rest of the group and they’d head to the venue. 

You watched him from your stomach. Your body sunk into the soft comforter. Your arms held up your head and your socked feet lightly kicked empty air behind you. 

The curtains were shut to keep out creeps and the TV was faint while playing some local news channel. Glimpses of the weatherman kept disappearing underneath the screen of a rain forecast. A thunderstorm was prowling around and while you were relaxed, Minho wasn’t. 

“What’s the issue?” You finally asked after he tugged on the button down shirt again. He had been tugging and tugging, but it didn’t seem to help. 

“The stylist gave me a stupid outfit,” he muttered beneath his breath. 

You took in the sheer white button down. It was tucked into a pair of black dress pants. His bare feet poked out of the legs. You raked your eyes up and down a few more times before cocking your head. “I don’t see the issue.” 

He gestured towards the screen. “Do you not see that it’s supposed to rain? The performance is outside and the shirt is sheer. You know that I don’t want to show my stomach.”

“Oh, I didn’t even think about that.” Your eyebrows furrowed as you thought about the situation in front of you. Your top teeth pressed into your bottom lip and then it hit. 

“Wait! I’ve got it!” You threw yourself into a roll from the bed and you headed over to your suitcase to find something. 

Minho hated the scar on his stomach since forever. You never minded it, but he did. You mindlessly threw stuff onto the beige carpet trying to find the right item. 

“It gets really old. I try my best to do my job without complaint, but shit like this seems to happen far more than it should. I’ve told the stylists over and over again that I’m not happy with these things, but it keeps happening.”

You finally grabbed the item and stood up. “Okay, I’ve got it! Do you know what a tube top is? It’s a stretchy fabric that sits over the middle of your torso. It covers your top half, so you’re not spilling titty all over th-” 

He snatched the fabric from your fingers and began to examine it. With a hum, he held it up to the yellow light of the room. He turned it one way and another before he seemed content enough. 

“It’s a thin fabric, but it’s thick enough that if your shirt gets wet, it’ll keep your skin hidden. Nobody will be able to see what you don’t want them to.” 

“Great.” 

“You’re welcome,” you beamed. 

“Perfect to keep my tits hidden from the fans, but just promiscuous enough to keep their focus on my ass.” 

Even after a minor issue, Minho was still Minho. 

_ _ _ 

Changbin: 

“Am I good enough for you or is our relationship just another act?” 

You froze with multiple noodles dangling down your chin. Warm broth rolled down your neck and you blinked. His words echoed in your head and you swallowed with a loud gulp. The back of your hand went up to wipe away the sodium infused juice and your voice came out confused. “What?” 

“Do you love me for me?” 

With caution, you placed the cup of instant ramen back on the wooden table. Changbin stood in the entrance of the kitchen with a frown. His curly black hair was messy on the top of his head. 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying that if you don’t love me, you should just go.” His voice cracked and his bottom lip quivered. He tried to get it to stop, but the tears pooling in his eyes gave away his inner thoughts. 

Your heart shredded in your chest and you pushed yourself away from the table. You rushed to his side, worried that you said the wrong thing at some point. Your hair flew as you jerked your head rapidly. 

“No, no, no! What happened? Binnie, you know that I really love you. Why would I-” 

“Because I think the people that I call my fans aren’t really my fans. It feels like they’re more eager to ignore me and voice their negative opinions while praising the other guys. I just feel…” He shut his eyes as a tear leaked out. 

“It’s not a competition, Bin.” You reached up and gently cupped his cheeks. “You know that the guys never want to compare themselves to other members. You’re living your dreams and it’s not about who looks the best or has the most charming points. It’s not a survival show anymore, this is your life.” 

His head sank into the warmth of your hands. Your thumb shifted and you gently wiped away the fallen tears. “What happened to make you feel so glum?” 

“Some of the fans ignored me at an event. I waved to the crowd and they didn’t respond, but when one of the other guys stuck his head out, they cheered.” 

“They don’t deserve you.” You tipped his head up gently. “Please look at me.” When his eyes reopened, your heart fluttered with joy. You couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on your face. 

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You haven’t even met a fourth of the fans that truly love you. Don’t let a small group of people bring you down. For every person that hates you, there’s another ten that love you.” 

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” 

“I’m saying it because I believe it. If they want to miss out on your charms and your cuteness, let them. That means I can have you all for myself and look at you.” You grinned and gently pinched his cheeks. 

“Hey!” He jerked backwards as his face turned red. He gently rubbed them and turned away. “Don’t touch my cheeks like that, they’re sensitive.” 

“I’ll touch your other cheeks.” 

He spun around to face you with wide eyes. Before he could react, you replaced your hands on his cheeks. You lightly pressed down to make his lips press together. Without wasting time, your soft lips met his. 

It took him a moment before he kissed back. When he pulled away, he couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on his face. You grinned and put your hands on your hips. “I should do that more often. You look so cute when you’re embarrassed.” 

“Ah, stop it.” He spun back around and rubbed his cheeks. “You’re making me feel embarrassed.” 

“That’s called love and I’ve got so much more of it. Get back here and I’ll show you just how much I love you.” 

He glanced over his shoulder. “Is that a threat?” 

“Just a promise.” 

_ _ _ 

Hyunjin: 

You woke up to the emptiness beside you once again. This was the third night in a row. The first night you ignored it. The second night you assumed that Hyunjin was in the bathroom. The third night, tonight, you were determined to find out what the issue was. 

You yawned and rubbed your bleary eyes. The neon red lights of the alarm clock let you know that it was two in the morning. Two in the morning and Hyunjin was usually sound asleep beside you by this time, but you couldn’t sleep without his warmth. 

You pulled open the door to your bedroom and made your way down the creaking hallway until you peeked around the hallway. Hyunjin sat silently with one of the couch pillows on his lap. His fingers mindlessly played with the fringe and his eyes stared off into the darkened television. A lamp pulsed a hazy yellow beside him and lit up his silhouette. 

“Hi, sleepyhead,” you mumbled as you headed towards him. You couldn’t bear to part ways with the warmth of your oversized fleece blanket. Hyunjin picked it out for your past birthday and you adored it. It stayed strung over your shoulders as you approached the other side of the couch. 

He glanced over at the sight of your shadow. When he saw you, he gave you a faint smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. You plopped down and turned towards him. Your legs folded beneath your body and you sighed. 

“Can’t sleep either?” He offered softly. 

“Not without you in the bed.” 

“Oh.” 

A silence hung between you for a few seconds. You pulled the blanket over yourself tighter. “So what’s keeping you awake this late at night?” 

“You know me well.” 

“Of course, I do. I’m dating you, aren’t I?” 

His chest bucked with a snicker and he shook his head. “I never get tired of your attitude.” 

“You’re avoiding my question.” 

He sighed and leaned back against the black velvet. “I guess I’m just up and thinking about life.” 

“Care to explain?” 

“It’s a privilege to be attractive in this society. I’m constantly told that all the time and I like being told that. Don’t get me wrong, it makes me feel amazing, but I just…” He shrugged. “I want to be more than just a pretty face. I want to be known for my talents too.” 

“You know, people used to tell me when I became a trainee that I’d get in just because I had an attractive face. I worked my ass off and no matter how much I tried to be seen as something more, it’s all people see me as. Maybe it’s a horrible thing to say, but sometimes, I wish I looked a bit more average.” 

You hummed softly as you listened. He leaned back and let his eyes wander up to the ceiling. “Maybe I’m just a narcissist of some sorts. I should be grateful because it’s a blessing, but I keep looking at it as a curse.” 

“Well, it is a blessing, but you’re allowed to feel how you wanna feel.” You drifted to the side and let your cheek press against the side of the couch. “Nobody has the right to tell you what you can and what you can’t feel. You do amazing things, but if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel.” 

“I just want to be recognized for more once in a while.” 

“Have you seen the videos?” 

His eyebrows furrowed and he glanced over. “Of what?” 

“Your fans making edits of your artwork and your dancing? Just those two things? There’s probably hundreds of videos where people are analyzing your art. A thousand more people dissecting your dancing and trying to figure out your flow and how you move.” 

“I-” 

“You want me to go get my phone?” Your head perked up. “I have a ton of them saved. You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re loved so much and I don’t think you realize the extent of it.” 

Another smile appeared on his face. Beneath the dim lamp light, a sparkle caught his eye. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” 

“Only a couple thousand times and I hope I get to hear it, at least, a million times more.” 

_ _ _ 

Han: 

Instead of taking off his shoes normally, he kicked them off. He jerked off his side bag full of pins and chucked it onto the couch. With a soft sniffle, he walked through the empty halls and wandered into your shared bedroom. 

It was there that he jerked back the freshly made bed, climbed into it, and curled beneath the blankets. Tears filled his boba eyes and he turned. His face buried into the pillow and his world went dark. 

A few minutes later, your keychain jingled as you stepped inside the house. A smile spread across your face once you saw Han’s shoes nearby. He was home before you for once and you couldn’t wait to see him. 

Giddy with delight, you jerked off your shoes and rushed through the house to find him. When the kitchen and living room were empty, you headed to the one place you assumed he was. The bedroom door opened with a loud creak. 

“Han, my love, where are you?” 

The smile fell from your face when teary eyes met yours. Across the way, Han had pulled down the blanket that was covering his face. When you didn’t say anything, he tugged it back over his face and rolled around, so his back was to you. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” You stepped forward with outstretched hands. All you wanted to do was comfort the love of your life. “What happened?” 

“Life.” 

At the side of the bed, you reached out and let your hand fall onto the side of his body. “Which part? What happened?” 

When he didn’t respond, you pulled up half the covers. You wasted no time slipping beneath them and curling against his body. Your leg fell over his and you pulled him close. 

“You can try all you want, but I’m not going to let you ignore me.” 

“It’s just been a really rough day. I’ve been anxious all day and we filmed content. I know I don’t appear the best in it and it’s going to worry the fans. I don’t mean to make them worry so much.” 

“They worry about me so much that sometimes it’s hard to discern me from my anxiety. I struggle, it’s true, but I’m not always so miserable as people make it out to be. People like to treat anxiety as some horrendous thing and yes it’s horrible, but it’s not like I can’t function because of it.” 

“Ah, I think I understand what you mean.” You leaned forward and let your chin slip against the side of his neck. “You want them to be considerate of it, but not overstep and worry so much?” 

“Something like that, I guess. Lately, I feel like it’s been eating me alive. They don’t make it difficult, but they make it hard to find a balance sometimes. I’m not my mental illness, but some people like to paint it as that.” 

“That’s right, you’re not your mental illness. You’re Han Jisung. A singer, a songwriter, a guitar player, an artist, a dancer, a rapper, and most importantly-” You lowered your voice to a whisper. “My favorite little rockstar.” 

One of his cheeks began to tilt up into a rounded smile. “I think I can get used to being called that.” 

“New pet name secured. Seriously though, take it one day at a time. They just want what’s best for you and sometimes they worry too much. You might not be able to say things to them sometimes, but you can focus on yourself and your mental health, that’s what’s most important.” 

“I guess you’re right.” 

“Now that that’s cleared up, I can kiss it better.” 

He let out a yelp as you kissed the side of his neck. He tried to roll away, but your arms wrapped around him tighter. When you began to plant kisses all over his face, his smile grew between laughs. 

What a privilege to be loved by someone like you. 

_ _ _ 

Felix: 

You noticed it the moment that Felix tried to sit down across from you. The hitch in his breath and the way his eyes squeezed shut in pain. The way his fists tightened and the deep breath he had to take before he sat down the rest of the way. 

The sight was so alarming that you jerked upright from your sprawled out position on the couch. “Is it your back again?” 

He weakly nodded as he sat down. His eyes went up to the ceiling as he tried to ignore the familiar shot of pain in his spine. He’d felt this too many times before, it was so familiar, yet it still hurt every time. 

You frowned, disappointed that you couldn’t take away his pain. All you could do was watch as he shifted and his nose scrunched in discomfort. It took him a few moments, but he finally got his back pressed against the back of the couch. 

When it was finished, he sucked in another deep breath and shut his eyes. He wasn’t supposed to hurt this much today. He stretched before dance practice and took all the proactive steps to making sure his spine stayed healthy, but there were still some days when it ached. 

The pain was sharp and it was throbbing. Some days it ached and other days, it was like a drill was circling at that same pressure point over and over and over again. Today, it felt worse than it had felt in months. Ever since that spine injury, something always seemed to be wrong at the wrong times. 

He blinked rapidly, trying to push the saddened thoughts and the pain further away from his head. Part of being an idol was discipline. It was fighting through the pain, no matter how bad it got. It was putting on a brave face, even when inside you were crumbling and breaking apart. 

The idol industry was the biggest facade of the century, but he had to keep it together for his image. For the fans that were the reason he kept going. For the company that took a chance on him all those years ago and helped him carve out these dreams. He had to keep it together for everyone, but he didn’t have to keep it together for you. 

You told him that over and over and over again, but he was so used to hiding the pain. Whether it was physical or mental, he was used to keeping things hidden. He was used to forcing a smile when it all felt pointless. He was used to all of it, but he wasn’t used to the surge of emotion that zapped his heart when you softly called out his name. 

“You’re allowed to be in pain here.” 

Such simple words held so much meaning and you had no idea. Tears quickly filled his eyes and he wiped them away. You were up on the couch and within seconds, you were on your knees in front of him. Your hands gently gripped his wrists and his bloodshot eyes met yours. 

“It hurts so bad,” he finally uttered. “Sometimes it hurts so bad that I’m not even sure if it’s worth the idol life. You have no idea how much it hurts.” 

You wanted to reach up and hug him, but you hated the idea of making things worse. Instead, your hands laced his. Your thumbs found the back of his hands and you soothingly rubbed circles. 

“Sometimes I-I just… I don’t know.” 

“Will you just let me take care of you tonight? Let me help you and get you into an epsom salt bath. Your doctor mentioned that, right?” 

He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. Emotions were stacked high and they were leaking out, but there wasn’t a single trace of judgement on your face. Instead, it was just pure understanding and acceptance. 

“No matter what you choose, I’ll always be here.” 

“I love you.” 

“And I love you too.” With a final squeeze of his hands, you let go, stood up, and leaned forward to gently press a kiss to his forehead. 

He shut his eyes and accepted it. A wave of peace and tranquility sank through his body. “Thank you for understanding.” 

“Thank you for being mine.”

_ _ _ 

Seungmin: 

“Sometimes I think it was stupid to give up the dream of playing baseball.” 

“And why is that?” Your head tipped up to glance down at him. The two of you were in bed and your body was on top of his. Your eyes found his, but he couldn’t meet your gaze. 

“Because some of this stuff is stupid. Maybe it’s because I feel uncomfortable in certain clothing and management tries to force me into it anyway. Perhaps, it’s because there’s still people out there calling me awful names. Maybe it’s because I’m fucking exhausted and haven’t been able to catch a break in months.” 

His eyes met the ceiling and he refused to look at you. He was fuming after a new text from his manager. Someone accidentally deleted a file somewhere and now the group had to record an entire song again. The worst part? He had to be in early the next morning and it was going to ruin your planned breakfast date. 

“Well, it sounds like your managers fucking suck sometimes. I think that if you don’t want to wear something, you should be able to give them the middle finger and tell them to fuck off.” 

“Sometimes, I wish.” 

“And people are just dumb.” You shifted and pushed yourself up. Your knees propped your body up against the sides of his torso and your arms crossed. “I’m sorry that not everyone can be hot and sexy. Clearly, they’re just jealous of your looks.” 

He rolled his eyes and you scoffed. “I know you did not just give me an attitude when I am trying to make you feel better.” 

“Blah, blah, blah.” 

“Kim fucking Seungmin, I swear to god-” 

“You’re not going to get into the pearly gates of heaven with that mouth.” 

“And for the last part,” you shot him a glare. “You can tell your management that you can’t come in because you have a score to settle with me. Sorry, Chan, my baby can’t sing today. I’m too busy giving him an attitude adjustment.” 

“Better to need an attitude adjustment than a personality adjustment like some people.” His eyes glittered with mischief as they met yours. Your jaw dropped in shock. “You’re gonna catch flies.” 

“And you’re about to catch hands.” 

You jerked a fist towards his face, not planning on hurting him. He grabbed it before you got too far and shoved. You yelped as your body twisted. Within seconds, he was sitting on top of you. 

“Now about that attitude adjustment you were speaking about…” 

_ _ _ 

Jeongin: 

“Being an idol is so hard.” Jeongin grumbled as he rubbed his hands over his face. “All I want to do is have cake and ice cream for your birthday, but no. I’m too busy being on a strict diet and I can’t have any.” 

“Well, you could just work it off tomorrow or you could just have a bite or two. Maybe you could have half a slice and half a bowl of ice cream.” 

“You’re not helping.” 

You shrugged and stuck your fork back into the chocolate cake you were eating. With your birthday came special privileges, like cake and ice cream. Jeongin bought it without you asking for it. 

The small circular cake was covered with rainbow sprinkles and vanilla icing. The added ice cream was the cherry on top. You were enjoying your indulgences, but Jeongin wasn’t. Instead, he was beside you pouting. 

“You do know that having a special treat once in a while is okay, right?” 

“I know, but I don’t want to mess up this diet. I’ve been on it for the past week and giving up now would be dumb.” 

“Is this the same diet that Changbin has been on that involves a lot of chicken?” 

“Maybe.” 

Your nose scrunched up and you shook your head. The two of you continued to talk until his head snapped up. He pushed himself off the chair rather quickly. “I forgot your present.” 

“I don’t need a present. I told you that I didn’t want a present. Really, the cake and ice cream were enough.” 

He waved you off and started towards the bedroom when the floor suddenly swayed beneath him. His vision began to speckle and the room flipped. You were about to take another bite of your cake when you watched him drop. 

“Jeongin!” You cried out as you dropped the plate on the table. The chair loudly scraped across the floor and you rushed towards his side, but it was too late. He hit the ground with a loud thud. 

Your hand quickly cupped his cheek and you gently called his name. It took him a few seconds, but his eyes fluttered open. He called your name and you let out a sigh of relief. 

“Thank god, I thought you weren’t breathing. What happened? You seemed fine and then you just collapsed.” 

“I don’t know. The room got super dizzy and I felt confused. My vision cut out and now I’m here.” 

“Are you injured? Can you wiggle your limbs? Are you still dizzy?” 

You forced him to stay put as you checked him over. You carefully checked his head and after making him lay there for a few minutes, you finally allowed him to get up. You grabbed his hands and gently led him back to the kitchen table. 

He shut his eyes, trying to calm down his pounding heart. When he opened them, there was a small piece of cake and a bowl of ice cream. He looked at you with a frown and opened his mouth, but you beat him to it. 

“Please don’t fight me on this and eat it. I think your blood sugar levels dropped and you need to get it back up, so this doesn’t happen again.” 

“But I-” 

“If your company and you want to sue me, fine. As an idol, you’re supposed to take care of yourself and this, whether you want to believe it or not, is taking care of yourself.” 

Defeated, he jabbed his fork into the cake. He scooped up a piece and brought it to his mouth. “I just wanna look good.” 

“And you do look good. You always look good, baby. You don’t need a constant diet of rice and chicken breast.” 

He jerked his head back with a groan. “You know how I feel about being called a baby. I’m not a baby!” 

“Well, it’s true. You’re my baby and I love you. For my next birthday present, you can enjoy a little cake and ice cream.” 

“You’re lucky I love you.” 

“And you’re lucky that I think you’re as sweet as these treats.” 

He couldn’t stop the endearing smile as you pressed a soft kiss against the side of his temple. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

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[newbbystay]

This was so good!! I loved the conversation between the two of them. The pure vulnerability and the perfect environment for it. I love that Felix didn't try to force her into believing and answered her questions. The little snippets of her past, but not in great detail were well written!

Why does my skin start to burn?

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Lee Felix X gn reader

Summary: Watching Felix read his bible leads to a conversation far deeper than he ever imagined.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 2.1K

Trigger warning: Anxiety, religious guilt, anger, mentions of murder, sexual assault, hate crimes, hatred against women, child abuse, and animal cruelty.

_ _ _

And the two of you fell into a constant routine; a constant pull of gravity of earth and moon. One could not function properly without the other. What good is the earth without the moon? 

The pale moonlight that trails the lost from darkened woods. It highlights the faces of lovers at night and speaks whispers to children, at least, that’s what they think. Their very own personal protector against the darkness, a light in a beacon of nothingness, the one thing that makes them feel as if they’re not so alone. 

You were on your back and already tucked beneath the blankets. That moon sat outside the fluttering curtains. A cool breeze shifted in, but it didn’t help the bubbling anxiety. The what-ifs were back again and as much as you tried to push them away, they remained as a constant thorn in your side. 

Yellow light pooled around the front of the bed via a side lamp. Beside you, the warmth of Felix’s body provided comfort. He was sitting up beside you and tucked beneath the blankets too. You were both draped in the king-sized maroon bedding. Nothing could harm the two of you here. It’s what you wanted to believe. 

A black leather-back bible sat in Felix’s hands. The occasional wisp of a page turning filled the air. His eyebrows sat in a natural furrow as he studied the information. His lips moved as he read, a way to absorb more of the words that way. 

The word of God was so crucial to some. Sometimes in ways that you would never understand. How could you? How could you understand when talking to God felt like talking to empty air? 

People like to say God is there. They like to say he’s always listening and always watching. Maybe he is and maybe he isn’t. It’s always been something you’ve questioned. Some say it’s the lack of faith, but you always say that maybe it’s just the lack of mankind itself. 

Thoughts and prayers. It’s always the thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers through the hurricanes and thunderstorms. Thoughts and prayers when you’re left with your skin on fire after recounting an incident of sexual assault. Thoughts and prayers when life throws you into the deep end and there’s nothing to grab onto. 

There is no life preserver. The words pelt and then slide off of you. They hold no meaning. The weight of your actions is set in stone and words are just words. They can change at any time. A verbal pity works for some, but for others, it feels like receiving a half-deflated balloon on their birthday. 

You sat there with your eyes closed. The low hum of the ceiling fan and the soft whispers of Felix’s voice. Somewhere in the new testament, something about Jesus and the damnation of hell. 

The damnation of hell was eternal. Hot flames lick your skin, but there is no ice to soothe the burn. Skin shrivels and crisps and no matter how much you try, it just won’t disappear. Forever and ever, a seal of God’s abandonment. A testament that you’re just not good enough in his eyes. 

Life is hard and religion can be confusing. So many devotions and deities. Some say sit and others say stay. Everyone always says theirs is the right one, but which one truly is right? Which one saves you from the flames?

“Felix?” Your eyes fluttered open as you mumbled his name. His soft whispers didn’t stop. Too absorbed in the word, he didn’t hear you. He stayed focused until you shifted and called his name louder. 

“Hmm?” The bible slid down. His thumbs pressed down on the pages to hold the book open. “I thought you were asleep.” 

“How do you believe in God?” 

“Huh?” His head shifted. 

“How do you believe?” You uttered again. “How do you know it’s real?” 

“Because God loves everyone. God’s love is unchanging and it’s unconditional.” 

You shook your head, pushed off the blankets, and sat up. “How do you truly know? How do you stop it from feeling so silly? How do you believe in God when it feels fake?” 

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “When it feels fake? What do you mean?” He studied your body language. Your arms had curled around your torso. You looked so vulnerable as you eyed the book in his hands. “Oh.” 

He knew you often struggled. Dating someone who didn’t quite believe the same way as you could push a bit of a challenge at times. The two of you often did an unsteady dance. Most of the time, he kept his religion to himself. You asked here and there, but he never wanted to make you uncomfortable. 

“How do you believe in a God when it feels like everything is falling apart? When the world is crumbling, when people are cruel, when they’re getting hurt; how do you live with it?” 

You didn’t mean to pour it onto him like this. You didn’t mean to grieve and to seem so weak, but what else could you do? Empathy pooled and rather than living on earth, it felt more like living in the pits of hell. 

Another life lost to murder. Another hate crime because to some, skin color isn’t just skin, it’s a sin. Another kid forced into the ugly hands of the world because of who they love. 

The degradation and damnation of a woman. Just an object. A thing. A toy. A hole. A whore. 

Where was God when children went to bed crying and bleeding due to monsters within their households? When dogs were kicked in the ribs by strangers in the middle of nowhere? When a duct-tape cardboard box, full of kittens with sparkling eyes; a box full of vibrancy, was reduced to nothingness as it sank beneath the the top of a bubbling swamp? 

How do you believe when it all spirals out of control? When the darkness blinds you and no matter how much you try to take it off, you can’t fix a severed optic nerve. There is nothing that can restore the sight once the nerve is severed.

“I have hope,” Felix finally uttered. “I read this,” he gently shook the bible, “and I try to do what’s right. In the bible, Jesus is a sinless human, but we’re not like that. We’re bound to sin and fall into temptation at one point or another.” 

“But we’re made flawless in God’s image. So why does…” Your voice cut off as a lump formed in your throat. 

You knew it was dumb. He believed what he believed and that was that. It wasn’t your place to change it, but you just didn’t understand. How could someone so easily pretend that everything was okay? The world was on fire. Sin was everywhere. How didn’t it hurt him as much as it hurt you? 

“I have those days too, you know.” He shifted the thin black string that was glued into the book binding. The thick book closed with a soft thud. The string marked the last page he was on.

“There’s a lot of nasty stuff out there, so I read the bible. I utter prayers and I believe because I have to believe that something happens to cruel people. I have to believe that the monsters will get what they deserve when it’s all said and done.” 

“I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be. In fact, I don’t want to be perfect. I want to be flawed, I want to be forced to change, I want to be challenged, so I can grow. What is this life if not a constant chance to stride to be better? To do more? To be a decent person?” 

One of his hands slipped into yours. Warm fingers curled around your palm and his thumb slid along the backside of your hand. “Some days, it’s a lot for me too. I think there’s a lot we don’t understand, but this makes sense for me.” 

“You really believe that sinning sends you to hell?” 

“I don’t think God will send you to hell if you tell a little white lie now and then, but I think he will if you like to be an asshole on a daily basis. I don’t know for sure, I’m not God. This book has been rewritten so many times, but I like to think that the theme is the same.” 

“I worry that the deceased people I love are burning. I worry that they’re lost on the other side somehow. I worry about death. I worry about…” Your eyes slipped shut, but a tear fell through. “I worry about everything.”

“You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. One of the greatest things about life is that you can pick whatever you want. You can be who you want to be and believe in whatever you want to. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.” He reached up and gently wiped the tear with his thumb. 

“You’re not going to break up with me and damn me to hell if I don’t believe in your god?” Your eyes opened to face him. 

A small smile tugged at his face and he shook his head. “That’s not who I am. As long as you’re not being a jerk and you’re happy, then why should I care? It’s not up to me to control you and you shouldn’t let anyone dictate things like that.” 

“You’ve got a good heart and a good head on your shoulders.” His hand reached up towards your face. Your breath caught in your throat and you fell hard into that pool of warm molasses. 

The sweetness of honey, warm molasses, and gentle understanding. Why couldn’t we have more of it? The kindness, the selflessness, the happiness that one inspired in others? As you stared into his eyes, you wished more people could be like him. 

“I want you to be happy. If you want to ask questions about God, I’ll try to answer them. If you don’t, that’s okay too.” He shrugged, “it’s not a big deal.” 

“How do you stay so positive when there’s so much evil in the world?” 

“I want no part of it. I like to think that maybe if I’m kind and I treat people how I want to be treated, maybe it’ll make a difference somewhere. Maybe I’ll change someone somewhere. The world could use more kindness.” 

His hand gently cupped your cheek. More tears were slipping out and he brushed them away. “There’s a lot of evil in this world, but there’s a lot of goodness too. Kindness doesn’t have to be some huge thing. It can be gifted to people in a variety of ways.” 

“Like yesterday,” he smiled, “a little girl was outside with a lemonade stand. She made signs and everything. I bought a cup of lemonade and then put a little extra money in her tip jar.”  

“She was excited and she said she was raising money for a new bike. She was so excited, she took off into her house with her pigtails bobbling.” He laughed at the memory of it. “It was so cute and it was just a simple thing, you know?” 

“That’s really sweet,” you finally responded with a sniffle. You reached up and brushed away another tear. The story pulled you from your darkened thoughts for a brief moment. 

“Life doesn’t always have to be so bad. Little things like that make a tiny difference in someone else’s life. You never know who you’ll meet or what life you’ll change with actions like that. Kindness is the best superpower that a person can have.” 

“Kindness isn’t a superpower.” 

“Hey! To me it is! I’m going to get a cape and everything. Put a logo right here.” He pounded on his chest with a fist. “Anyone can be a superhero with some kindness and understanding.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

His eyes narrowed at the sarcasm. “You don’t believe me? Hmm, that’s funny because if I said that I could cheer you up even more by offering to make my brownies…” 

“Anyone can be a superhero with kindness.” You nodded vigorously and quickly wiggled away. You squirmed to the edge of the bed and stood up. “Right, okay, let’s go.” 

He grinned and put his bible to the side. He started walking towards the door, but he stopped when your wrist captured his. A face of confusion met yours and you leaned forward. 

The sweetness of honey, warm molasses, and gentle understanding; it radiated through your body as your lips met his. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

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[newbbystay]

Love you Lie!! I am more than happy to reblog, comment, and like stuff!! You are amazing and I am so excited to see where you will go!! 🩵

Ways to support the writer:

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

This is entirely different from what I usually post, but some of you have been seeking ways to give back. All of this is entirely optional and your choice. You can literally ignore this if you wish, it really doesn't matter.

The first thing that you can do, most of you already do it. Liking and reposting my stuff is the simplest thing you can do. It's free, it's easy, it takes two seconds, and it makes me happy. There's literally a pinned post at the top of my page that talks about how I want to eventually be a published author.

I still have a long way to go and my writing isn't perfect, but when you repost my stuff, I stalk your pages. Sometimes I find pages and I follow them because I like the stuff they post. Sometimes I'm snoopy and anonymously sneak into your inboxes. Plus, that shares my posts with your followers and exposure truly is everything in the writing industry. It can help make or break you.

If you want to go further than that, you can comment on my stuff. Most of the time, I usually respond to comments. I absolutely love reading your comments. It makes my heart so warm and so happy. Even if you hate the drabble because it makes you upset or causes you to cry, I love it. I love knowing that the words I write made an impact in your brain. It makes me so excited and, unfortunately, I don't have a photo of the serotonin that it provides me, so you'll just have to believe my words.

Once again, this is entirely just an option. People were asking, so I did it. This isn't me holding a gun to your head and forcing you into anything. This isn't me starting up commissions either because I have a fear of being sued by JYP and you shouldn't have to pay for your drabbles.

That being said, I opened up a Ko-fi. If you so choose to send anything in, it's going back into writing. It'll be used to buy pretty notebooks and gel pens. Maybe a coffee every now and then because I love writing and sipping coffee.

It'll also probably go towards the laptop fund I've been putting money into. I have to purchase a new laptop because guess who was crying while writing and broke two keys via accident? That's what happens when you angrily press the keys with blurry vision.

You guys don't know it, but I love taking notes. I have a large pile of notebooks and sticky notes. One of my favorite things to do is make lists and then cross them off as I complete each task. It brings me mass amounts of serotonin. Every new story I write, I create messy drafts in notebooks and I fill them with conversations I want the characters to have with each other. It's super fun and a good way for me to get the story on paper.

This doesn't really change anything. I'll still be here and writing when I have the time. My inbox is always open. You're still my lab rats and I truly do cherish your support. From the likes and comments on drabbles, to reading my full-length stories on Wattpad and Ao3, you have no idea how much you mean to me.

So thank you for sticking around and thank you for believing in me and my writing!! Who knows what the future holds, but I have no doubt that it'll be even brighter with your support.

<3 Lie

[newbbystay]

@lieslab

Thanks for the update! It's nice to hear from you!

I always appreciate mental health support, Lord knows everyone needs some. I am excited to read what you have.

And I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. I can't even imagine the pressure you've got. Please remember to take care of yourself too.

You are so loved. 🩵

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Tomorrow starts the beginning of a new week. So starting tomorrow, I get to organize and begin writing all your drabble submissions. If you submitted stuff, thank you!! Please be aware that I'll be going back and forth between writing your submissions and pre-planned stuff on my end. If you don't see your submission right away, be aware that it's coming, but it'll likely take a few weeks. Your stuff is coming, I promise.

I'm figuring out how to be an adult in the middle of writing drabbles and not to be dramatic, but it's truly incredibly hard. It's especially harder when you're stuck in a situation that's really shitty for your mental health. Not to mention, finding a career can be tough when you're constantly bouncing around new ideas. Not having a healthy support system is another issue.

There's a big reason why I write so much about mental health and how important it is. I never want to stop writing about mental health. So within the upcoming weeks, please don't be surprised if you find a few more fics focused more on mental health.

I call the people that read my stuff lab rats and joke around and whatnot, but I truly hope all of you are taking care of yourselves. It's getting darker earlier and I know this time of year is when people's happiness starts to fade a bit. The lack of sun and the bitter air can do a number on some. The temperature is dropping and bleh.

At some point, I'm going to be dropping a huge list of websites for everyone to use. I've been writing about mental health and there are a lot of super helpful websites out there that can shed light on a variety of different mental health issues. Whether it's struggling with depression or anxiety, spiraling out of control in a manic episode, or fighting the urge to end it all, there's a ton of resources out there.

Plus, some just offer some helpful advice on how to cope with things. I know not everyone has access and can afford therapy. Some people have families that don't believe in therapists. Others simply can't afford it. No matter what your situation is, you still deserve love and support.

So let's try to survive the colder months together, yeah? Despite the grey and gloom, spring will still come. There are warm bowls of soup between the littering trees. There's happiness in scented fall candles and the holidays are starting to creep up. If you enjoy the colder months, spend them well.

If you're like me and you hate them, there will always be another rainbow. We'll count the blessing as they come and continue to fight against the urge to dive beneath warm blankets and hibernate through it all. We've done it before and we can do it again.

Thank you so much for staying patient and willingly being part of my madness,

<3 Lie

[newbbystay]

Huh?

Angst??

No happy ending???

Mafia????

SO FREAKING EXCITED!! Which member (s)???

Lab rats, I am conjuring up the most angst-filled mafia drabble without a happy ending. Please stay tuned.

[newbbystay]

We're not going anywhere @lieslab ! We love you so much!!!

Your writing gives me comfort and I cannot thank you enough. The first time I read one of your pieces, (SKZ finds out you're not eating/struggling with self harm/battling suicide), I wasn't doing great mentally. Not the first time and not the last. But reading these, it felt like a warm hug.

Someone out there could put my feelings that I keep down on "paper". Someone understands and is still here too!! I didn't feel so alone anymore.

My depression and bipolar will always be a struggle but it's really comforting to know that someone really understands and cares. Outside of the doctors, nurses and family.

Thank you for letting us know what is going on. This is not selfish at all and I am so proud of you for doing this. The last thing I want is for you to stop writing. Even if it's not for us.

AND CONGRATULATIONS ON THE CREATOR PROGRAM!!!! I am so excited to see where you will go!!

In conclusion: Thank you and I will be waiting for you.

- Hales 🩵

To the future and beyond:

| °˖✧✿✧˖° | °˖✧✿✧˖° | °˖✧✿✧˖° |

Well, this is new. I keep sitting here staring blankly at my laptop screen, typing, deleting, typing, deleting, typing, and deleting again. I've been trying to figure out how to pour out my heart without coming across as selfish. I know my actions aren't selfish, but I'm afraid that it will come across that way and that's not my intention at all.

I used to update this account with new drabbles multiple times a week, but now I seem to struggle to upload once a week. Life is taking a toll again, but not necessarily in a bad way. It's more like, I'm growing up. I'm having more and more adult responsibilities that I never had before.

My work just added more hours for me to work. I'm trying to work through college classes. I've mentioned before that I have a younger sibling that I parent. Plus, I try to work in time to write and it's all just so much. Honestly, it's too much.

I get requests and I love them, but lately I feel bad because I can never seem to keep up. Because of that, unfortunately, this is the announcement that from now on requests will be closed. I've emptied out my inbox. To everyone who already requested something and I've responded to you, your drabbles are still coming. After they're posted, if you have another request, I won't be taking it at this time.

I know that sucks and I hate to do that, but it's not fair for either of us. It's not fair for you to have to wait a long time for something you want to read and enjoy. It's not fair for me to have to try and pull something together and half-ass it either.

After I finish all my requests, I'll probably still be here, just a bit quieter. I'd like to go back to posting stuff that I get inspiration for in the spur of the moment. I never post that stuff anymore because I feel guilty posting it when I have requests to do.

I want to start writing longer series and posting them for you to enjoy all at once. If you really like my writing and crave my stories, I still update full length fics five days a week. You can find the current one here.

I know it sucks, but I think it's a great way to give you higher quality writing, better stories, and who knows what I might add in the future. I think it'd be amazing to have some sort of interactive fic or create full-length trailers for each one, so you know what you're getting into.

This really is my passion and I love the band a lot. I don't want to entirely stop writing drabbles, just give you better ones. It's always been my goal to become a published author. Writing fanfic has made me better and believe it or not, it's actually opened up an amazing opportunity for me.

Because I spent so much time writing full-length fanfics, I qualified for a creator program which has a ton of resources to help grow my writing. It's the most amazing thing and it's such an honor and a privilege. I don't want it to slip through my fingers.

So while I study more resources, try to grow and expand my writing, all my old drabbles will still be here. My inbox will still be open, just not for requests. Please try not to be too hurt by this. There will probably be times in the future when I still open my requests, but for brief periods of time only.

I'm doing this to save myself stress and anxiety, to better my future, and to give you better content. I know you're strangers on the internet, but you really have become my safe space. You have no idea, but some of my drabbles are based upon my own struggles.

This is my haven and this truly does feel like home. More content will be coming your way soon, please just give it time. That's all I have and that's all I wanted to say. Thank you for reading and if you choose to stick around, thank you. I can't wait to see what this writing journey will bring and I can't wait to bring you with me.

<3 Lie