#love when my adhd is a super power and I can spend hours in useful research

[raiasintended]

Scraper Bots, Fuck Off! How to "Opt Out" of Your Artistic "Data" Being Used in "Research"

How can artists protect their work from being used by art-generating "AI" bots? How can we take a stand against this continuing, as more and more programmers build their own forks and train derivative models?

Here are a few steps artists can take to keep their work from being used to train new art generators (and one step non-artists can do to help). For the reasoning and explanation behind these steps, click the Read More.

The Method:

Remove images that do not have watermarks. Take down every one of your images that can be accessed publicly and does not have a watermark. (In fact, if you have the resources, take down every image, even those with watermarks, and reupload them with new names or URLs).

Add watermarks to your images and re-upload them. Put a watermark on every image you intend to share publicly. It doesn't have to be huge and obvious, but for best results, it should have text, and if you really want to be a pain in some engineer's neck, it should be colorful. I explain why below the cut. @thatdogmagic has shared an absolutely brilliant watermark method here (https://www.tumblr.com/thatdogmagic/702300132999397376/that-your-audience-wont-hate-this-is-a-method).

Watermark everything. From now on, any image you share publicly should have a watermark.

One host domain only. Strive for keeping your image files on only one domain—for example, tumblr.com, or your personal domain. Again, I explain below the cut.

ADVANCED: Configure your domain's robots.txt. If you have administrative access to your host domain, update your robots.txt file to contain the following: User-agent: CCBot Disallow: /

ADVANCED: Configure your meta-tags. If you have administrative access to your web pages, update your meta-tags to include the following: <meta name="robots" content="nofollow">

ADVANCED: Configure your .htaccess. If you have administrative access to your host domain, update your .htaccess file to prevent hotlinking to images. There are a few ways to achieve this, and a simple tutorial can be found here (https://www.pair.com/support/kb/block-hotlinking-with-htaccess/).

Bullying Campaigning. If you do not have administrative access to your host domain (for example, if you host on tumblr, or deviantart), ask your administrator to block CCBot in the domain's robot.txt, disable hotlinking, or take similar actions to prevent image scraping.

Aggressively pursue takedowns on image sharing sites. The best known sources of this issue are Pinterest and WeHeartIt, but especially focus on Pinterest. The image takedown form for Pinterest can be found here (https://www.pinterest.com/about/copyright/dmca-pin/), and the image takedown form for WeHeartIt can be found here (https://weheartit.com/contact/copyright).

Non-artists: do not reupload images, do not share reuploaded images (no, not even to add the source in comments), do not truck with re-uploaders. If you see an image without a watermark on image share sites like Pinterest, and it doesn't look like the artist themselves pinned it, give them a heads up so they can file a takedown.

The Reasoning:

Why watermarks? Why meta-tags? What good will any of this do?

Below the cut, I explain how these art-generation bots are "trained," and how we can use that information to prevent new bots from training on stolen art.

Those Who Can't, Program

Deep learning models capable of generating images from natural language prompts are growing in both capability and popularity. In plain English: there are bots out there that can generate art based on written (and sometimes visual) prompts. DALL-E, Stable Diffusion, and Midjourney are examples of art-generating "AI" already in use.

These models are trained using large-scale datasets—and I mean, large. Billions of entries large. Because teaching a learning machine requires a lot of examples.

Engineers don't make this data on their own: they acquire datasets from other organizations. Right now, there is no better dataset out there than the Internet, so that's what most engineers use to train their models.

Common Crawl (https://commoncrawl.org) is where most of them go to grab this data in a form that can be presented to a learning model. Common Crawl has been crawling the publicly-accessible web once a month since 2011, and provides archives of this data for free to anyone who requests it. Crucially, these are "text" archives—they do not contain images, but do contain urls of images and descriptions of images, including alt text.

The Common Crawl dataset is, in some form, the primary source used to train learning models, including our art generators.

Nobody Likes Watermarks

Watermarks are one of the easiest and most effective ways to remove your art from the training set.

If the model is trained using the LAION-5B dataset (https://laion.ai/blog/laion-5b/), for example, there's a good chance your art will be removed from the set to begin with if it has a watermark. LAION-5B is a filtered, image-focused version of the Common Crawl data, with NSFW and watermarked images filtered out.

Using this example provided by the LAION team, we can determine what kind of watermark will ensure your art is filtered from the dataset: partially transparent text placed over the image. Bots trained with data filtered similarly to LAION-5B will not be trained using your images if you use such a watermark.

As a bonus, if you include a watermark in your image and it somehow still makes it into a training set, the additional visual data will skew the training. It will assume any images it generates that are “inspired” by yours should include similar shapes and colors. The bot doesn’t actually understand what a watermark is and assumes it’s a natural element of the image.

404 Art Not Found

The reason we want to remove and re-upload images with new URLs is simple. The datasets these models study do not have actual images, they have the URLs pointing to images. If your image is no longer at that URL, the model can’t load your image, and any models trained with out-of-date datasets will not be able to locate your images.

However, this is only a temporary fix if you can’t prevent Common Crawler from recording the image’s new location in its monthly archiving of the internet.

Unusually Polite Thieves

The slightly more advanced tricks we can use to keep crawlers from recording the URLs of your images rely on the etiquette of crawler bots.

Firstly, keeping all your images in one domain has a chance to reduce the number of times models training from filtered datasets will reference your images in training. Crawling or scraping that results in significant negative impact on a domain’s bandwidth is bad. Like, legal action bad. The people behind the learning model generally want to avoid pissing off domain admins. So, there is a narrow chance that simply having all your images hosted on the same domain will prevent a model from trying to access all of them. It’s a bit of a stretch, though.

Something that is much more likely to see results is to plant the equivalent of “KEEP OUT” signs in your domain. Common Crawler, for all its presumption, follows bot etiquette and will obey any instructions left for it in robots.txt. Common Crawler’s bot is named CCBot. Create a robots.txt file and place it in the top-level folder of your domain. Make sure robots.txt includes User-agent: CCBot Disallow: / and CCBot will not archive your pages.

Using meta-tags in the headers of HTML pages on your domain will also help. Adding <meta name="robots" content="nofollow"> will tell any crawler robots not to follow any of the links from this page to other pages or files. If CCBot lands on your page, it won’t then discover all the other pages that page leads to.

The more advanced tactic is to disable hotlinking for your domain. When someone accesses an image hosted on your domain from somewhere other than your domain, this is called hotlinking. It’s not just a bandwidth sink, it’s also the exact process by which models are accessing your images for training.

This can be tricky: it involves creating and configuring a hidden file on your domain. The tutorial linked above in the step-by-step gives a simple look at what you can do by editing your .htaccess file, but searching “htaccess hotlink” will provide a bunch of other resources too.

Fucking Pinterest

Let’s cut to the chase: a majority of images in these training sets were scraped from Pinterest. Not DeviantArt! Not ArtStation! Literally 8%, of the billions of images collected, were from Pinterest. Image sharing social sites are the worst.

There’s no easy way to prevent people from resharing your images there, but between your new watermarks and the Pinterest takedown form, you can potentially keep ahead of it. 🫡

Now for the Downside

This won’t work on the models that already exist.

Unfortunately, we can’t untrain DALL-E or Midjourney. We can’t do anything about the data they’ve already studied. It stinks that this happened without common knowledge or forewarning, but all we can do is figure out how to move forward.

The good news is that while the current models are powerful and impressive, they still have some significant flaws. They’ll need more training if they want to live out the bizarre pie-in-the-sky, super fucking unethical dreams some of these weirdos have about “democratizing” art (which seems to mean eliminating trained artists altogether).

If we educate ourselves on how these models are trained and how the training sets are compiled, if we continue to make noise about artists’ rights to their own data, we can make sure this art-generator trend doesn’t somehow mutate into a thing that will genuinely replace living, biological artists.

[chemicalcain]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

tagged by @cmdthenerd :P

Rules: answer the questions and tag fifteen mutuals.

1. Are you named after anyone?   

technically no. but i picked my middle name because it’s the name of my dad’s favorite bird

2. When was the last time you cried?   

when i left my last job probably. i don’t know for sure though, it became a lot harder for me to cry after i started T and it never really came back. i can still get like... emotional release. but it’s not through tears it’s through feral shrieking in my car

3. Do you have kids?    

no and i am getting surgery to make sure i never will. i like kids just fine but i would not be a good parent

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?   

less than i used to! over the last few years i realized both that i don’t understand sarcasm reliably and that the people i like to speak with don’t understand sarcasm reliably, so it’s kinda phased out of my vocab unless i’m using very heavy sarcasm tone of voice

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?  

whether they try to approach me (threat display) and whether their hair is cool (could be queer and/or a wizard of some kind)

6. What’s your eye color?    

hazel (technically brown with green in it. more brown than they used to be)

7. Scary movies or happy endings?   

this is a false dichotomy. why not both. guillermo del toro knows where it’s at

8. Any special talents?    

no :) jk jk. i’m really good at understanding mechanisms by observation, legitimately that has helped me in numerous ways and i have come to realize it is not a natural skill for most people

9. Where were you born?   

a hospital, so i’m told. i wish i’d been a c-section so i could say i was excised lol. i hated the town where i grew up, maybe more than it deserves

10. What are your hobbies?    

allegedly i like to draw but i don’t do it super frequently. i have dabbled in knitting lately. i own multiple power tools. i think a lot about clothing design. i write sometimes. i have many characters knocking around my skull like billiard balls. my hobby is ADHD

11. Have any pets?    

no but i will definitely have a dog and a cat someday. i used to have a pet snail but i was not a great caretaker for him so i found someone else who could give him a better home :)

12. What sports do you play/have played?   

when i was like 10 i played soccer. i was bad at it and nobody really cared. in high school i ran cross country until the first 5k and then i quit. then i joined the swim team which i enjoyed a lot but it made me so so sleepy bc they practiced 2 hours every weekday after school

13. How tall are you?    

5′9″ if i’m wearing shoes

14. Favorite subject in school?   

hmmmmmmmmm. science usually, except when i disappointed the teachers, because letting people down was the most crushing feeling when i was a child. it still holds among my top fears but i set the bar pretty low these days so it’s less of an issue. that’s off topic though. science classes were cool because sometimes we blew things up or licked rocks or caught caterpillars. other times i had meltdowns because i didn’t understand electron orbitals. you know how it is

15. Dream job?   

i do not dream of labor. i want to spend my time building a home for the people i love and gathering food and caring for animals and tending to plants and trying out cool things and making music

Tagging:

uhhh i don’t talk to people lol. so you’re not getting 15. @varietycannedmeats @oysters-aint-for-me @swampysmiles @rbandboy y’all might get a kick out of it?

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + slightly burnt lion secondary (badger secondary model) (bird secondary model)

i hope you’re having an amazing day!! here’s my SHC dilemma:

i know my primary is lion, and it feels a little exploded, at that, but at least i know what’s up. but im still extremely confused about my secondary. i tried looking through other submissions, but i didn’t really find anything i vibed with 100%, but then again i have adhd and im really struggling going through all that text, it just kinda blurs together at some point

so, my secondary. taking the test, i always get burnt, often with a vague hint towards bird. at first i immediately adopted that and decided i was a burnt bird, but the more i go the less that feels right to me and i think it might be some sort of model.

Yeah. “doesn’t feel right.” Definitely see the Lion in your sorting.

working by elimination, im pretty certain im not a snake secondary. that ish doesn’t even sound real to me, i know there are people like this because i know a couple, but it’s just so weird to me that some people are just able to improvise so effectively, and seemingly change themselves like that, and they?? enjoy it?? it does sound dope, like i admire it, but wtf. 

Lion secondaries can get very *does not compute* when trying to get their head around Snake secondaries. I’m considering Lion for you. 

i do act differently in different situations or with different people, but i don’t think i have “personas” as much as degrees of awkwardness 

I see the burnt secondary. You’re definitely talking yourself down here. But the way you talk about “degrees of awkwardness” does make me think about the way Lion secondaries “change faces” by modulating intensity. 

depending on how much my anxiety is acting up, and the more anxious i am, the more i act like a doormat and revert to the proper manners i was taught, but like… that’s not me, and it’s not done on purpose, i don’t enjoy it. 

Looks like somebody’s got an unhealthy Badger secondary model.

it feels gross not to be able to act like myself, whatever the hell that is.

And you didn’t vibe with the Lion descriptions? This is the first time I’m reading though this and… very interested to get to the part where you talk about why you think you’re not a Lion. 

im also convinced im not a bagder - my mother is, and there are a lot of those in my community, so i was raised thinking that was the best way to be, an ideal to work towards, but it’s just not comfortable for me, i don’t wanna do it.

Yeah, this would that  unhealthy Badger secondary model you were talking about. ^

i don’t even think i *can* do it. i mean, “showing up and doing the work” is pretty hard with adhd, and not even the most efficient way of getting stuff done (at least for me), and thinking of the group and what i can do in that group is annoying. also i get that asking for help is important sometimes but it still feels like that’s just admitting i can’t figure out how to do it myself, which, yikes (don’t come at me i know it’s unhealthy)

Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make you be a Badger secondary. Clearly you’ve spent enough time struggling under the weight of a model that doesn’t suit you, and now you’re pushing back against everything Badger extra hard. 

id rather find a group im a good fit for instead of molding myself to please others. 

See, that’s an exaggerated, caricatured way of conceptualizing how a Badger secondary works… but I’m not surprised that you think about it that way.

whatever i do, it needs to come from me.

… you’ve got a very loud Lion secondary. 

anyway im somewhere between lion and bird, and at first i thought i was a bird because i do in fact fricking love learning everything i can, i wouldn’t naturally call it “collecting”, i’m just doing whatever’s interesting in the moment

You mean you learn by improvising? :) Like a Lion? :) 

but sure, why not - i like collecting languages, knowledge about different cultures, books, music, space, countries, medicine, anything and everything, and i sometimes spend hours researching random stuff that im never actually gonna use “just in case im stranded in the wilderness and need to make soap” you feel? but it’s not actually because i think it might be useful (though i do get random bouts of anxiety over not knowing how to do certain stuff “in case” even though the probability id need them is infinitesimal).

Loving knowledge does not make you a Bird secondary. I’m hearing you talk about about a thing you do for fun, and - this is key - a thing you use as  a mechanism to cope with anxiety. ADHD can sometimes make you feel very scattered, going too fast, and your Bird is giving you [the illusion of] control. And I’m not going to knock that. The illusion of control is important. 

i just like knowing things and being able to use those things to do stuff. i wanna be “that guy” you can come to with the most obscure problem and they’d have some way of dealing with it. doesn’t that sound pretty bird?

Okay. Here’s the deal. You like Bird secondaries. You think they’re cool, and badass. Maybe you’d like to be one. But I’m still not at all convinced you are. I haven’t heard you use it to solve problems. 

but i can’t actually do that stuff. i think i used to, when i was a teenager? but depression and undiagnosed adhd kinda kicked my ass, among a few other things, and now i don’t really have the brain power for it and i feel like im not actually able to learn things as well, or to even think straight.

Wow. That is some burnt secondary talk. I can’t do things. 

(I promise you, people with ADHD have absurd brain power, and can learn things crazy well, although not in the same way as neurotypicals. You are right about not thinking straight, which I am interpreting as “in a straight line.” ADHD people think in webs and corkscrews and I love it.) 

 or if i did, i can’t learn as *many* things as i need to feel accomplished? which idk what you think but it kinda just sounds like burnt bird to me. 

Feeling like the secondary you have isn’t good enough can be a Burnt thing... but feeling like you need to manifest a specific secondary *more* (which is what this feels like) is usually a sign of a model. 

but here’s the thing. all of those sound real nice. and cool. and a good way of doing things, maybe even the “right” way, even though i know that’s subjective. but lion just feels more comfy, and idk if that’s because im a burnt bird modeling lion or if it’s smth else.

… you mean… like being… a Lion?

cause the “collecting skills and knowledge to solve problems” thing sounds cool, but it’s actually more just the first part that i vibe with? the part where i get to learn stuff! but when actually solving problems, i don’t usually think too long, i just vibe. i see where my instinct is taking me and i apply reason *after* that, or like, as a secondary, support thing. im not a dumbass either, im good at puzzles and logic problems, i can totally think things through and use my skills! but that’s not really how i approach problem-solving. i just jump into the situation and see what part of it is closest and start there, or what’s convenient, or what just feels right or nicer or whatever.

This is a perfect description of a Lion secondary with a supportive Bird model. Like a LOT of neurodivergent people (hi!) you built yourself some scaffolding using the Bird toolbox.

and on one hand it could be that im not confident in my skillset enough to do things the bird way, but on the other hand, thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, when i had better executive skills and i wasn’t as completely scatterbrained as i am I now (i was, but not as bad in some ways), i still did this? like, all of my major life decisions where made on the spot based on instinct and nothing else

I’m definitely seeing the Lion primary come though as well. 

whenever i have a problem of the interpersonal sort i just face it and talk to the person and don’t bother hiding or sugarcoating things even if it means hurting that person because i don’t want to lie or come off as something i’m not, when i need to work on a project i don’t bother planning, i just jump in and a strategy forms in an organic way as i go, you know what i mean? isn’t that what this “charging” business means?

Yes.

anyway i have no idea which one is a model and which one is actually mine. i love learning things but i don’t care about actually using them. i mean i like it, of course, but it’s whatever. planning is tedious and it kinda gives me validation because im meant to be “smart” and i guess planning is what smart people do, but it’s annoying and nothing ever goes exactly to plan anyway so you just have to pause and plan again or whatever, and that’s just so boring and frustrating??

I get that you like Bird secondaries, and I get that the picture of “smart person” in your head looks like a Bird secondary but just like… come on…

why not just do the damn thing?? and then what you have to do will be obvious anyway?? and sure, if you planned ahead, maybe you’d already know what you need to do and you’d have prepared it and you’d do it better, but who’s got the time for that?? i can’t use my brain like that! i need to live the thing before it actually feels real enough for me to think about solving it.

I have never read anything more Lion secondary in my entire goddamn life.

i hope this actually made sense and i gave enough relevant information, my head kinda feels jumbled right now. i mean it makes sense to me but i don’t know how this reads from an outside perspective. maybe i should have planned this like an essay or whatever lmao

thanks a lot for answering these & running this blog!!! it’s dope and you give really good insights and you’re just a super cool person!

<3 <3 <3 

[ughgclden]

Hey bee! Congrats on 700 your content is really great and you genuinely deserve it. Could I please request a 🕊 and a 🧸 for anyone in dps and/or the marauders era (platonic or romantic)

I use all pronouns and I identify as non binary,I’m also demisexual. I’m and infp/cancer and I have medium to short brown dark brown hair and brown eyes. I come off as shy but once I warm up to you/trust you I’m outgoing and warm. I’m a bit stubborn and I’m really sarcastic. I really like reading and writing,and I’m a hopeless romantic who adores the moon and nature in general. I have adhd so I come off as a bit chaotic to others. I’m drawn to calmer people but also people who are more out there and can start a conversation. I despise small talk and have a really strong death glare. My aesthetic is a mix of chaotic academia and whatever weird stuff that I find cool. I’m a big fan of Bowie,Fleetwood Mac,Lorde,hozier and måneskin

Thank you,have a great day/evening xxx

hi!! thank you so much omg, that's so sweet <33 and of course!!

🕊 - "i would rather die of passion than of boredom" - van gogh

for your pairings;

for dead poets society, i'd pair you with...

this is a no brainer. you and charlie get on scarily well with one another.

charlie realises when he first approaches you that you're quite shy, and makes it his mission to get you to warm up to him. being friends with todd has prepared him for stuff like this, so luckily he manages to get to know you without scaring you off.

you and charlie majorly bond over your music tastes; this boy loves 70s and 80s stuff like bowie and fleetwood mac. you also introduce him to some newer music, like lorde, hozier and, of course, måneskin. charlie becomes obsessed, especially with damiano (he doesn't know if he wants to be him or be with him). you spend a lot of time together listening to music, whether it's just on in the background or you just lay in silence, listening to whatever and singing along occasionally.

he'll tease you about being a hopeless romantic, comparing you to knox on more than one occasion, but it's always out of fondness. he actually thinks it's super sweet how romantic you can be and how much you love love and the more 'cheesy' things.

your death glare is the only thing that has power over charlie. he instantly knows he's done something to upset you, or gone too far with a joke and his smile immediately drops as he rushes to apologise.

will wake you up at 2am when there's a full moon, because he knows how much you love it, and offers to sit and watch it with you for an hour or two.

loves your writing! he's always pestering you, asking questions about any new projects you might be working on or if you have anything he can read.

for the marauders, i'd pair you with...

since you get along with calmer people, but also people who can be quite extroverted at times, i think you and remus would be perfect. this boy can be quiet, or loud and chaotic depending on your mood. he's the perfect middle ground for you.

you two are constantly listening to david bowie - james is sick of hearing the rise and fall of ziggy stardust album 24/7 in the common room, but no matter how much he complains you and remus refuse to turn it off. he also falls in love with hozier, finding his music extremely beautiful and calming.

remus loves your chaotic academia aesthetic, and actually starts to adopt it a little - it isn't too hard when you go to a boarding school for wizards, but still.

he loves your hair and eyes! he constantly comments on how well they work together, and always likes it when the sun hits your eyes and he can see their colour in all of their glory. he isn't afraid to compliment you a lot, no matter what the other marauders may say.

with the whole werewolf situation, he feels bad that he can't properly appreciate the beauty of a full moon with you, but he's more than happy to appreciate it in it's other stages to make it up to you.

you two are constantly throwing sarcastic remarks back and forth, responding to each other with quick comments and jokes

i hope this was okay!! thank you so much for sending something in!!!

[ghostiewriter]

prologue | tale of a slightly unstable teen hero

Summary: JJ’s life is thrown upside down after a school trip. Now he just decide what to do about his newly found powers and discover just how much his life has changed.

Warnings: contains strong language, a teeny sliver of sexual references, just the three boys being dumbasses? a small smidge of angst (it barely counts) and some fighting, kinda amateur but he’ll learn eventually

Word Count: 8.2K (I’m so sorry)

A/N: ahhh so here’s the prologue! Hope you guys enjoy, it��s a bit of a mess and it wasn’t meant to be this long but oh well! This is just to kinda set up the world, I promise the chapters won’t be this messy! There will be way more Kiara in the next chapter as well, don’t worry! Like I said, this is just a filler chapter! Also this is unedited and I am kinda unwell so lets hope this makes sense :) feel free to leave any feedback!! 

masterlist // taglist // ao3

JJ prided himself in always loving an adventure. A random trip at 3am when one of his buds felt down? Hell yeah! An exploration through the streets of New York when he decided to ditch his Spanish final? Let’s go, dude! A spontaneous road trip with his boys during summer? JJ was down! But this? This just felt like some sick joke.

Admittedly, JJ wasn’t listening in class when the trip was announced. And as Pope liked to remind him every couple of minutes, this whole situation could have been avoided if he had listened in class. But can you blame the guy? A whole day off school to visit some big corporation uptown where he was getting a free lunch—JJ would be stupid to reject that. Yet, JJ should’ve known there would’ve been some catch, some flaw in this trip. And that flaw was that he had to spend the day walking around Cameron Industries, the biggest nerd fest on the East coast.

JJ was bored out of his mind.

Pope was ecstatic beyond belief.

John B was ready to punch JJ in the face if opened his mouth to complain one more time.

“Why call it a trip when all we do is listen to these dudes in lab coats droning on about some weird gene thing? Like c’mon! A trip is meant for relaxing. Where the fuck am I gonna relax around here, huh? The fucking gift shop—“

“Shut up,” John B hissed at the blonde, smacking JJ’s arm for good measure, to which the blond dramatically whined at. “Just please…shut up. You’ve got one more hour until lunch, alright? Don’t ruin this for him.”

JJ huffed as he glanced over at Pope, who was eagerly questioning every scientist they came across. As much as it pained him to agree with John B, he did have a point. There weren’t enough fingers in the world to count the amount of times JJ had dragged Pope into some anxiety-provoking, impulsive situation. The least he could do is suck it up a little and mope silently as they walk through countless fancy labs that probably each cost more than his apartment complex altogether.

“I don’t know why you’re acting so chuff,” JJ huffed, his fingers twisting the rings that adorned his hands—a force of habit when he was uncomfortable and bored. “You usually back me up on this kinda stuff—“ But JJ didn’t need to finish his question. Oh no, because the answer was right there.

JJ smirked as he turned to John B, one eyebrow raised in question. However, his friend seemed much more content staring at Sarah Cameron from where she stood near the front of the group, smiling towards the tour guide like they were close friends. Which they probably were considering they were standing in the building her father owned.

Ward Cameron. Renowned scientist, billionaire and founder of Cameron Industries. A true inspiration. What started as a hopeless experiment in his high school chemistry lab ended up forging Ward Cameron’s path to success in the biggest multibillion-dollar multinational corporation that held the future for chemical engineering. JJ just thought he was some lucky rich kid that had daddy’s money to support his dream.

And it was for that reason that JJ rolled his eyes, nudging his friend out of his daze. “You do know you don’t stand a chance, right?” JJ commented.

Harsh but true. JJ and the rest of the kids that attended this trip went to Midtown High School. True to its name, it was smack bang in the middle of two very different livelihoods. Uptown Queens: home to the kids who live of old money, designer clothes and trust funds. And Downtown Queens: home to working-middle class who would spend the rest of their lives making a sliver of the uptown folks’ wages.

Take a wild guess which area JJ is from.

However, some old dude in the 60s decided to try and bridge the gap between the classes and thus, the school was born. All it did was let each know how much they resented the other. Yet, John B had fallen into the alluded mind-set of that old geezer and set his eyes on Sarah Cameron, the most uptown chick you’ll get. And of course, JJ was there to remind him of that very fact and push him off that imaginary bridge. It was a fool’s hope to combine the uptown and downtown folk; it was a fool’s hope to try and make them get along. It won’t happen now nor ever.

John B flipped him off. JJ only grinned in response.

Nonetheless, that ended up being the most exciting part of the hour. JJ shuffled along at the back of the group, his eyes constantly wandering around the labs. Did he have any clue what any of it was? Hell no, but he was naturally curious and couldn’t help his hands from wandering. Sue him, he was a teenage boy with ADHD and a knack for getting into trouble—he was bound to do something stupid.

His interest in science perked up a bit when he noticed a small enclosure of what looked like completely normal spiders, yet as their tour guide spoke, they were anything but normal.

“Our team have been working on taking the genetic code of three separate species of arachnids and combining them to form a super-spider. One which can survive and reproduce and live as any other would. It is the first step in the future of genetic engineering and modification. With this technology, we could find cures to diseases that were deemed impossible to cure. We could form a stronger, better human race—“

“Isn’t that unethical?” A voice interrupted. Everyone’s head snapped towards the curly-haired girl that stood by Sarah Cameron’s side. JJ knew very little about her—considering this was honestly the first time he had seen her—and he wasn’t complaining…nor was he actually listening to what she was saying. “I mean, won’t this just introduce a future of designer babies and a superiority of the genetically modified over the natural?”

“I understand your concerns,” The tour guide—a young redhead who honestly didn’t look a day over twenty-two but then again, JJ guessed everyone around here was some sort of genius. “But I can assure you there are a number of protocols behind this research that would prevent such a thing from happening.”

“Can you really stop the rich from getting what they want?” Ironic considering she was a rich, uptown chick.

An awkward silence washed over the group before the teacher quickly cleared their throat and directed the tour guide to continue.

JJ—being the foolishly bored teenager he was—made his way over to the unknown girl, standing next to her as they looked at the spiders in the enclosure.

“Poor things.” She sighed sadly. JJ only raised an eyebrow but didn’t question it.

“You know,” He began, his voice smooth and suave—the usual JJ charm he used on girls. “I totally agree with you on all those…ethic…things…” He trailed off, risking a glance towards the girl who only narrowed her eyes at him.

“Really?” She questioned, nodding her head for him to continue.

“Yeah, I mean, save the animals, am I right?” He grinned, nervously scratching the nape of his neck. The girl seemed unamused.

“Uh huh, sure thing, buddy.” She stated before turning to catch up with the group. But JJ’s voice stopped her once again.

“How about I take you out some time? And then you can tell me all about all this ethic stuff.” He proposed, his usual charming smirk on his lips. He was a lady’s man, he knew he was gorgeous and JJ would be a fool if he didn’t use it to his advantage. One small date to charm her before JJ wiggled his way into her bed, then boom—they never have to speak to each other again. Plus, this girl may be one of Sarah Cameron’s wee minions, but JJ didn’t let class get in the way of his ‘love’ life. He just resents the lot of those uptown kids in every other aspect of his life. No harm in fraternizing with the enemy, right? What other people didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. It’s just a little bit of fun.

“Do you even know my name?” She asked him, her arms crossed over her chest. It took a lot of self-control for JJ not to follow the movement. He cleared his throat, leaning one hand against the enclosure.

“Uh…Samantha?”

“Nice try, asshole.” And with that, she turned around to join the group.

JJ stood there, a little dumbfounded by the encounter. He was taken aback not only by the fact she had just rejected him, but with the sass in which she did so. He would be lying if he didn’t say it was a little hot, but he expected it. Uptown kids always thought there were better, superior to the downtown kids.

But JJ didn’t wallow in his rejection for long when he felt a sharp, stinging pain on his hand. He glanced down, seeing a spider on the back of his hand and his instant reaction was to shake it off. “Little shit!” He hissed, looking down at the small bite mark on his skin.

“Hey, dude, you comin’?” He heard John B call out. He glanced around, unable to spot the spider. He shrugged, JJ has had worse than a small spider bite. He’ll survive.

“Yeah, I’m starving, let’s go!”

Little did JJ know that was his last day as a normal, hyperactive teen.

**********

“I’m telling you something is fucking wrong with me!”

Both boys looked at their blond friend with sceptic looks. It was Saturday morning and far too early to deal with JJ nonsense. Especially when they could barely understand what he was going on about. It was around 6am when John B and Pope received a very distressed call from JJ. Neither one was very sure for what reason, all they heard was ‘freaky’ and ‘fuck’ multiple times during the call. But he sounded like he was really going through something so they eventually went over—arriving at JJ’s place at 7:30am. JJ was too on edge to even try and call them out on it.

“Dude, breathe,” Pope muttered, watching JJ run holes in his carpet from how much he was pacing. “Calm down a little—“

“I can’t calm down, Pope!” JJ snapped, looking at his friends who seemed far too calm. “Like I don’t know if I am freaked out or pumped but just—“ He paused, seeing the look of confusion on his friends’ faces. He huffed and pulled his shirt off, looking at them expectedly. They didn’t react.

“JJ, did you really call us down here on SATURDAY MORNING because you have another birthmark that looks like George Clooney because I will literally murder you—“

“No, no!” JJ hissed before pointing down to his abs, and then his arms. Then he began flexing, yet he was met with blank expressions again.

“Dude, as much as I love staring at your abs, what the fuck are we meant to be looking at?” Pope asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“They are different!”

“They are?”

“They are!”

“Uh…how?”

JJ scoffed, as if it were obvious. “They are more defined!”

“…more defined?”

“Clearly!”

John B let out an unattractive snort, pushing his hair back as he leaned back against the wall, all his worry for his friend now gone. He was honestly concerned it was something important. “What’s next? Is your hair too perfect, J? Need a bag to cover how gorgeous you are?” Pope snickered along with him.

“I mean, I am having a good hair day…” JJ trailed off before shaking his head and turning to the two of them again. “But that isn’t all, okay? It gets freakier!”

Both boys looked at JJ with amusement from their spots on his bed.

JJ rolled his eyes before he stretched his hand out, his palm facing the ceiling with his two middle fingers pressed into his palm. Not even seconds later, a THWAP echoed through the now-silent bedroom.

Both teenagers looked down at the string of substance that just existed their friend’s wrist, completely shell-shocked. It was John B who spoke first, looking away from the white substance on JJ’s bed.

“Is that like…the same as…did you just—“ John B points down to his groin area, only for JJ to grimace.

“Dude, no! EW! I didn’t just jizz from my wrist!”

“It looks like you just did.”

Pope quickly kneeled down next to the bed, hesitantly reaching to touch the stuff, ignoring John B’s comments on how disgusting it was. “It feels like…silk,” He murmured in confusion before pulling his hand away, noticing how it stuck to his skin. “And it’s sticky.”

John B gagged in the back, but JJ ignored him. “It’s like glue, a really strong glue! And then after like twenty minutes, it disappears!” He told Pope as he reached for the scissors to help his sticky situation.

“How did you do that though?” Pope’s mind was reeling with the possibilities, the science behind the completely inhumane thing JJ had just done and he had witnessed with his very own eyes.

“I don’t fucking know!”

“Does it have anything to do with that weird-ass bump on your hand?” John B perked up, nodding towards JJ. All three boys’ gazes shifted to his left hand, where in fact there was a small red bump, no bigger than a grape at most.

“Nah, dude, that’s just from the spider bite yesterday.” JJ answered with a shrug. Pope chocked on the air, looking at JJ like he had three heads.

“I—you mean the fucking GENETICALLY MODIFIED SPIDERS FROM THE LAB?!” JJ winced, trying to shush Pope but there was no avail, this boy was going off on a rant. “Are you stupid? Why didn’t you tell anyone yesterday? JJ, those could’ve been poisonous or had long term effects or—“

“Made you some weird mutant with cool powers.” John B added. He quickly shut up when he received the ‘look’ from Pope.

“We have to tell someone at Cameron Industries.” Pope concluded. JJ was quick to pipe up, taking a few steps away from Pope on instinct.

“What, no way! They are gonna stick me under some fancy microscope or inject me with needles full of…stuff! I’m not going back into that geek galore!” JJ stated. Pope looked like he was ready to open his mouth, and start spouting out arguments as to why JJ should head over to the professional scientists over his weird, overnight mutation. But it was actually John B who came to a more mutual conclusion.

“Or we just do our own tests,” John B shrugged, both boys turning to look at him with fairly discombobulated expressions. “C’mon, Pope is basically a scientist and he is smart enough to figure out whatever the hell is going on with you!”

“I don’t have half the equipment they would have—“ Pope tried to argue.

“Look, we aren’t going to find out anything through a microscope. The best way is just go out there and test what he can do. How hard can it be?” John B grinned.

Pope wanted to argue that it was very hard. Though he had read countless papers on the genetically modified spiders, even he didn’t know enough to do a full conclusive examination on JJ and his new state. He didn’t have half the things he needed, but when he looked over at JJ and saw a much more relaxed—and hopeful—expression on his face from when he had suggested returning to the lab, Pope sighed and shook his head a little.

“Just so you both know, I am going to say, ‘I told you so’ when this goes downhill.”

**********

That is how JJ, Pope and John B found themselves standing on the roof of JJ’s apartment complex, the busy streets of New York oblivious to the scientific discovery that is happening above them. JJ couldn’t tear his eyes off the skyline, finding something about it much more relaxing that the potential of just what his new body could do. He was scared—no, scratch that—he was nervous, anxious if you will. JJ couldn’t lie that a part of him was excited. It felt surreal, like something out of one of those comics he used to nick from the uptown kids. Then again, JJ wasn’t very fond of the idea of being some new scientific discovery. It made him feel like he would end up like one of those poor frogs they had to dissect in biology—poor fuckers.

“Okay, so the spiders were made from three separate species to optimize their physical properties—being able to adapt to new environments, heightened senses to avoid predators, enhanced strength and speed, stronger material to create webs for larger prey—all that jazz. No research has been done on the psychological properties though.” Pope rambled, his hands moving wildly whilst both boys stared at him with clueless expressions.

“Which means?”

“JJ could have some really cool powers but could also be going totally insane,” Pope said with a sheepish shrug. “Like I’m talking full Tasmanian devil mode here—“

“Very reassuring, dude.” JJ stated bluntly. He took it all back, he wasn’t excited. He was terrified now. He glanced down at the small bite on his hand, which was slowly deflating as time passed. JJ wasn’t sure if he was relieved or worried that the second the bite disappeared, it could mean something really bad—like him turning into some massive humanoid arachnid that attacks the city. He shivered at the thought. “Right, let’s just get on with this.”

John B clapped a hand on his back, a small smile on his lips. “You’ll be fine, dude, alright? You’re in good hands.” He tried to reassure JJ. And JJ knew that everything Pope was saying was just to help him understand what was going on too, but he couldn’t help but think there was a small part of Pope that enjoyed using JJ as a lab rat. He was a scientist, could you really blame him?

“Yeah, I know.” He said with a curt nod.

“Let’s try the web again, see how far you can shoot it.” Pope piped up, moving to stand on the other side of JJ. “The average spider can shoot a web to about four feet, but these spiders have the DNA of the Darwin Bark Spiders which can shoot webs up to eighty-two feet. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you could reach the same, maybe more.” He then gestured for JJ to try it out, pointing towards the building opposite then, which was only around eight feet away, at most.

JJ took a deep breath before extending his hand out, the THWAP sounding clear despite the ongoing traffic down below. Yet, the web barely shot out a couple of inches before landing on the edge of the roof with a disappointing splat.

“Well then…” John B trailed off, all three boys staring at the failed web shot.

“You clearly weren’t trying, just concentrate!” Pope said with a clap of his hands. He only received a blank stare from JJ.

“I was trying, dumbass! It’s harder than it looks. It…feels weird, man. Like a sneeze…from my wrist!” He huffed, but Pope only nudged his shoulder to try again.

JJ sighed and turned to face the opposite building again. He raised his arm, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tried to imagine the web shooting out and reaching the opposing roof. He tried to imagine more web fluid being shot out his wrist, he tried to imagine like he actually knew what he was doing. Not even a second later, the THWAP sound was heard and suddenly there was a white rope of silk extending from JJ’s hand onto the next roof over.

“Holy shit!”

JJ grabbed the web, giving the web a light tug. He was expecting for the web to break, for his hand to be covered in web fluid. But instead the web remained, strong and sturdy as though it was bolted onto the roof.

“This is crazy, dude.”

He snapped his hand back, watching the web breakaway from his palm and flop, hanging from the brick wall like a pathetic piece of string. “That was cool as fuck,” He murmured as he glanced down at his wrists in shock. He gently ran his thumb over his wrist, a delightful shiver running down his back. It caused him to smile a little, thinking about just how far he could shoot these webs.

“Dude, you could swing around like Tarzan now.” John B snickered. JJ gave him a deadpan look but he couldn’t help himself from glancing down at his wrists again.

“You think?”

“Only one way to find out.” John B grinned.

Pope’s eyes widened slightly as he quickly began to shake his head. “You don’t know if the web is strong enough to hold his weight, he could hurt himself or—“

“You calling me fat?” JJ gasped with a pout, a hand placed over his heart. “You offend me, Pope. Thought you were better than this.”

“If calling you fat will stop you from swinging off a building like an idiot then yes, I am calling you fat.” He hissed.

JJ grinned, his eyes quickly searching around before he noticed a large satellite pole sticking out from one of the nearby buildings. It was a bit further away, but JJ let the pride of his last success get to his head. “I can do it, bud, don’t worry about it.”

“That’s my boy!”

“Don’t encourage him!”

“He can do it!”

“How the fuck do you know that!?”

“Sixth sense, my dude.”

JJ blocked out the bickering, taking a couple of steps back from the edge of the roof. A running start never hurt anyone, right? He rolled his shoulders, stretching his neck from left to right. Never once did he let his gaze shift away from the satellite pole. He crouched down a little, already feeling the adrenaline build up in him. “Diver down, boys.” He grinned before he began sprinting to the edge of the building. As he reached the edge, he pushed himself off and extended his arm out, imagining the web wrapping around the pole and seconds later it did. He held the web tightly in his grip as he felt himself swinging towards the building. Whoops and cheers could be heard, though JJ wasn’t sure if they were coming from him or the boys back on the roof.

“JJ, THE WALL! LOOK OUT!”

But JJ was a little too pumped up to even comprehend what Pope was screaming until he noticed the brick wall getting closer. ‘Shit, shit, shit.’ The words echoed in his head and he tried to think of a way to slow himself down. But it was useless as he found himself colliding with the wall, his eyes clenched shut on impact.

“Oh, fuck.” He groaned, his limbs sprawled out like a starfish. A part of him thought he was dead, that maybe he hit the wall way too hard, he had a lot of momentum after all. But the muffled screams coming from his friends was enough to tell him that he was very much alive. “I’m alive!” He yelled out, slowly beginning to blink his eyes open, finding himself face to face with a brick wall. “What the…” He trailed off when he glanced at his hands, finding them attached to the brick wall.

His heart was pounding when he looked down, seeing that he was attached to the wall, very far up from the ground, with nothing suspending him. His mind was reeling, almost as though he was waiting for himself to fall and his body to meet the ground. But it never happened.

“You’re like an actual fucking spider, dude!” He heard John B yell, as though he was right beside him, which caused him to wince a little. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing them still very far away on that roof.

JJ shook his head and glanced up, seeing the edge of the roof a couple of feet from where he was stuck on the wall. He took a deep breath before slowly removing one hand, and when he was sure he wasn’t going to fall, he moved it up higher. Slowly, JJ found himself scaling the side of the building, his heart beating wildly even as he pulled himself over the edge, both feet finding the solid ground of the roof. He turned back to look at his friends, both of whom looked shocked beyond belief.

“What the hell…” He could hear Pope whisper, which only caused JJ’s eyebrows to furrow in confusion.

“This is a lot more complicated than I thought.” He muttered to himself, only now realising that the bite mark on his hand was long gone.

**********

JJ winced a little as he heard the bell ring, indicating the end of this period and the start of lunch—his favourite subject. Yet, JJ wasn’t exactly jumping out of his seat as usual. It was now Monday and everyone was back at school. JJ, Pope and John B had spent the better use of the whole weekend to run around, using JJ like some lab rat and seeing just what he could and couldn’t do. And JJ was fucking exhausted. The amount of times he had face-planted into a wall was beyond funny and he had learnt the hard way that the more on edge he was, the more sensitive he was…well, to everything. The sound of the chairs screeching against the floor made him cringe, the bright LED lights made him want to cry and the feeling of his sweater against his skin was scratchy and uncomfortable. JJ sure as hell wasn’t hyped for his newly found powers if this is what the rest of his life is going to be like.

The blond sighed to himself as he shoved his stuff into his backpack, swinging it over his shoulder and heading towards the cafeteria once he left the class. He kept his head down, finding the small shuffles of his vans against the floor were helping him from cussing out every single student that bumped into him, making him honestly want to scream and stay six feet away from everyone. He tried to reassure himself that he was half way through the day, that he only had a couple of hours left and then he could preferably go hide in a hole somewhere for the rest of his life. Okay, that is a little dramatic but a dark hole sounded great to JJ right now.

But here’s the thing, JJ is a Maybank. He has the good ol’ Maybank luck, which means even when he feels shit, the universe is out to make his life worse. And the universe sent that in the form of Rafe Cameron and his loyal little minions, Topper Thornton and Kelce Smith. Midtown High’s own version of the Plastics, some may say.

By some, I mean JJ. But hey, don’t judge. He was forced into watch Mean Girls by one of his flings awhile back and he won’t lie, the movie slaps. But that is besides the point.

“Oi, Maybank!”

JJ inwardly groaned at the sound of Rafe’s voice. He would much rather hear nails on a chalkboard than whatever Rafe had to say. JJ wouldn’t consider them bullies, they were simply the top tier of the uptown kids who had some sort of superiority complex. And JJ had no issue on challenging them, it was far too easy to wind up a bunch of rich kids who weren’t used to being called out on their bullshit. And it just stuck. They would say something stupid to try and provoke him, and most of the time JJ’s words were enough for them to leave him alone. He had the satisfaction of punching Rafe in the face a few times, but usually Pope and John B were quick to hold him back. After all, it would backfire on JJ if he got into trouble with an uptown kid.

“What do you want?” JJ huffed out, glancing up at the trio. The sight of the three of them almost brought a smile to his lips. Uptown kids and their need to follow trends, they wore the same outfit in different variations and it honestly made JJ want to laugh. The classic preppy look with their pastel sweaters and tennis shoes, it made JJ want to gag. But he contained his vomit as Rafe spoke up.

“Aw, c’mon, Maybank. That all you got today? A bit pathetic.” Rafe snickered, the other two laughing along with their leader. JJ rolled his eyes. The funniest thing about them was their outfits.

“As much as I’d love to talk to you little pastel powerpuff girls, I have much better things to do in my life,” JJ said with a sarcastic smile on his lips as he side-stepped the trio, attempting to make his way past them. He really didn’t have the patience to deal with them today. He had happily planned to steal food from Pope and take a nap for the hour. But the second he felt Rafe’s hand on his shoulder, he knew that wasn’t going to be happening.

“Watch your mouth, Maybank.” Rafe spat, his hand tightening on JJ’s shoulder. The act made him want to cringe away and rip off his skin. The feeling of his hand on his shoulder, his thumb brushing that little bit of skin near the neckline of his sweater, it made JJ want to gag. It felt horrible. He wanted that feeling gone.

“Piss off, Cameron.” He scoffed, harshly jerking his shoulder so Rafe’s hand would lose its grip but it only tightened. In an act of desperation, JJ did the only thing that seemed reasonable. He shoved Rafe away. Now normally, it would be enough to have Rafe stumble a few steps so JJ can make a quick exit. But JJ just so happened to have forgotten that this wasn’t like every other normal time. He wasn’t normal anymore. So, his shove was much more than a wee push, it was more like completely winding Rafe. JJ couldn’t help but cringe when he heard the sound of Rafe’s body colliding with the lockers before he slumped to the ground, a dent now evident in the lockers from the collision. Topper and Kelce looked at JJ with mixed looks of confusion and fear before rushing to their friend’s aid.

“Oh my god, Rafe!”

JJ’s head snapped to the end of the hallway where he could see Sarah Cameron, but she wasn’t alone. Beside her was the curly haired girl from the trip. His eyes widened a little when his gaze met hers, but he was only met with a glare from the mysterious beauty.

“What’s your problem?” She hissed at JJ as the two girls got closer, now seeing the full effect of what JJ had done. JJ gulped a little, his fingers tapping the side of his legs as he tried to think this through. What could he say, ‘oh sorry, kinda lost control of my new powers, I’ll be a little more careful next time’. Yeah, that wasn’t going to work.

“He started it!” JJ blurted out, only to mentally smack himself at how childish he sounded. “I barely touched him, he was being dramatic!” He added but the looks of uncertainty didn’t reassure him that they bought it. He was in the lion’s den here, a downtown kid surrounded by the privileged. He was never going to win. So, he did the only sane thing any downtown kid would do. He got out of there as quick as he could.

“He could be concussed!” Sarah Cameron spoke up for the first time, a frown on her face as she met JJ’s gaze. He could almost feel the judgement oozing from her.

“Maybe he will finally have some brain cells knocked into him!” And with that, JJ ran out of that hallway and didn’t stop running until he was far away from the school.

**********

“I’m sorry what?”

Following the fiasco on Monday, JJ’s week hadn’t been much better. Most of it was spent avoiding the uptown crew whilst simultaneously keeping a low profile, which is very hard for someone like JJ. He was used to being the class clown, milking any attention he got. Now he felt like he was under house arrest or something, trapped to keep to himself and work out what the hell was happening to him. But true to their commitment of being his best friends, John B and Pope were right there beside him. It had been a long and stressful week but they made it through. It was a little exhausting on them but they had each other to lean on. JJ was just glad he wasn’t alone.

But now, sat in Pope’s bedroom on the Saturday night, looking between the two boys with a very concerned look, JJ wasn’t sure his weekend was going to be any more relaxing. He knew the three of them combined weren’t the best combinations. They probably shared a brain cell between them and even then, it mostly resided with Pope and his weird, random facts. They had come up with some really strange, out-there ideas before—like the time they tried to give John B a perm with household products or when they convinced themselves they could do a road trip in John B’s crappy van. But this was the icing on the cake. This was enough for JJ to confirm that his friends had completely lost their mind.

“Think about it!” John B continued, practically rolling on the balls of his feet in excitement. JJ raised an eyebrow but didn’t interrupt him. To be honest, JJ wasn’t even sure where to start with how bad of an idea this was. “You have these super cool powers that are totally useless to everyday life, so why not put them to use? You could be like—the next Batman or something!”

“Batman was a rich dude who made gadgets. He doesn’t even have any powers. How the hell would I be like Batman?”

“Okay, bad example,” Pope piped up. “But just think about it. You could make a difference, be a hero!”

“A really badass superhero!” John B added.

JJ looked at them with a frown on his face. This now just seemed like a deranged joke. He was waiting for them to laugh, to say it was just a silly joke and move on with their usual weekend plans. But they didn’t. They continued.

“I mean, we could be a team! The three of us! You’ll go out and do all the crime fighting, Pope can make crazy gadgets and do all the…tech stuff and I can be your guy in the chair, you know?”

“My guy in the chair?”

“Yeah, you know, the guy in the headset…surrounded by screens…telling you where to go when you need extra help and stuff.”

“What?”

“Like Pope would set it up, but I would be the mastermind behind it! Like you’re stuck in a building and can’t find a way out, I would help you find a route. Your guy in the chair!”

JJ only shook his head, pressing his fingers to his temples to try and not completely lose his temper.

“And like every superhero ever, you’ll need a suit. So, I went looking through some stuff and I found my mum’s sewing machine,” Pope fumbled around in his pocket before he pulled out a small bunch of red fabric. He threw it to JJ, which he easily caught. JJ then realised it was like a ski mask, with two small holes for his eyes. “It’s not much but we can work on it, keep your identity secret and everything.”

“Oh, and you’ll need a badass name! I was thinking like Night Monkey, or—“

“—Spiderling!” Pope interrupted with a grin, clearly proud of it. But JJ had enough.

“Can the both of you just shut up!” He snapped, both boys instantly quieting down, looking at JJ with concerned looks. “Okay, are you out of your mind? Me? A superhero? Hate to fucking break it to you but I am not the superhero type guy, alright? I’m not your friendly neighbourhood nice guy helping old ladies cross the street or getting cats out of the tree! I could give zero fucks about the law cause all its there for is rich idiots to manipulate and use to ruin lives of people like us!” JJ cried out to them, letting go of any hope he had on trying to keep his cool.

“People like us don’t become heroes, alright? We are usually the ones that get locked up. And knowing my luck, I will be thrown straight into some loony house, in a straitjacket because of these powers! You guys have to be absolute fools if you think any of this would work.” JJ huffed as he stood up, shoving the mask into his pocket before making his way to the door. “I don’t care about other people, alright? I care about you guys, my mum and most importantly, myself. Why the hell should I risk my life for a world that won’t appreciate it anyways.” Both boys stood there stunned, looking at JJ with wide eyes and parted lips.

“JJ—“

“No, okay? Superheroes are meant for comic books and movies, not real life, alright? Grow up.” And with that, JJ slammed the door as he left the apartment.

JJ scoffed, muttering to himself as he walked through the dark streets of New York, deciding to take the longer route back home. He needed the time to clear his head, grasp his thoughts. He didn’t know what the boys were thinking, he was definitely not fit to be a hero. Were they out of their minds? Give a guy some abnormal powers and suddenly he should be putting on a cape and preaching morals. That wasn’t JJ, that would never be JJ. He was selfish, arrogant at times and beyond prideful. But he was aware. He knew what he was and he knew he didn’t have what it took to be a hero. Pope and John B needed to stop being ignorant and see that.

He rolled his eyes at the thought and continued his way back to his building complex, hands shoved in his pockets with his right-hand clenching around the fabric of the mask. Small puffs escaped his lips as JJ started regretting taking the long way home. It was October and winter was promising to come early, JJ could tell that much by the stinging cold against his cheeks. The cold was just the cherry on top of his bitter mood.

Yet, as JJ continued to make his way home, he could hear the sound of people talking, causing a frown to form on his face. JJ had walked this way many times, especially during the night, and the chance of passing someone down these streets were fairly rare. Maybe the odd one here or there, but a group of people? Definitely not common.

At first, he ignored it. He had gotten used to the heightened senses over the week, being able to hear things from a distance even when he didn’t try. For all he knew, he could be hearing the muttering of some people a few blocks over. So, he ignored it and carried on walking. But then it started getting louder and clearer. JJ felt his whole body go on alert, the hair on his arm standing up, like his body knew something was off. He could feel it in his gut, a horrible realisation that this wasn’t going to be his usual walk home.

It wasn’t until when JJ turned the corner that he realised just what he had walked into. There stood around five men, all wearing masks that covered the lower half of their faces. They were dressed in all black, probably to draw less attention to themselves, but JJ could see the glint of guns in the light of the lampposts shining down on the street. They stood outside a building, three of them seeming to try and block the view of the other two. It was then when JJ’s brain actually caught up with what he was seeing and realised what the building was. A bank. These guys were trying to rob a bank.

Well shit.

The way JJ saw it, he had two options here. He could turn around, pretend he didn’t see anything and let them get on with what they were doing. Chances were they would either get caught by the police or he would see that the bank had been successfully robbed tomorrow morning on the news. Or JJ could do something about it. He quickly grabbed his phone from his pocket, only to see that it was dead. Of course, it was the good ol’ Maybank luck. He shoved it back into his pocket and looked towards the five men.

Then an idea popped into his head. A stupid, insane idea that was nothing short of self-deprecating and downright dumb. It was short of one of the worst ideas he had ever had. JJ had done a lot of weird stuff in his life but this definitely tops it all. And the worst part was that he was going through with it, because as much as he hated it, it was his only choice right now.

“I’m gonna regret this.” JJ huffed to himself as he snatched the mask out of his pocket and pulled it down over his face, adjusting it so he could see through the small holes Pope had made. He let out a breath, shaking his shoulders a little as he tried to pump himself up, get his adrenaline going.

“You got this, it’s not like they have guns or anything,” JJ muttered to himself as he placed his hands on the wall of the building across from the bank, the one he was currently hiding around so the bank robbers wouldn’t see him, before he began to scale the building. I mean, who would expect the enemy coming from above, right?

He stopped around half way up the building, thanks to the heightened senses he was able to still see the criminals clearly. He watched them closely, seeing only the three men that were on lookout where the one with guns. “Oh, let’s hope this works.” He whispered to himself before extending his arm out.

“What the fuck!” One of them called out as his gun was snatched from his hands in the blink of an eye, his two friends following a similar reaction. JJ wasn’t even thinking about where he was throwing the guns, just as long as they were nowhere near these dudes when he confronted them.

He watched them freak out, yelling at each other as they looked around for the culprit to their missing guns. He heard the half-ass threats they used and tried not to snort before he shot a web to one of the lampposts nearby and swung down, landing gracefully at the top of the lamppost.

“Guys, I hate to break it to you but someone lied, bank doesn’t open until tomorrow morning.” JJ called out to them, giving a small shrug. All five heads snapped up to look at him, and the glares he was receiving was enough to tell him that these guys weren’t big jokesters.

“Piss off, kid, this is none of your business.” One of them replied in a blunt, scruffy voice. It honestly made JJ cringe a little.

“You see,” JJ sighed. “I’ve made it my business so…” He trailed off before snapping his wrist, a web shooting out to stick to the head of the closest criminal and with a firm tug, his head hit the pole before he slumped to the ground.

One of the men growled at JJ, clearly not happy about some weird kid interrupting their wee heist. “You had your warning, kid. Come down and play with the adults.” He taunted before JJ noticed the glimmer of something in the light. A knife. Of-fucking-course the gun wasn’t the only weapon they had on them.

“That’s a bit unfair, isn’t it?” He commented, shooting a web to wrap around the criminal’s wrist, prepared to pull it out of his grasp, only for the robber to tug the web instead, sending JJ flying off the lamppost and falling on his ass to the ground. “Fuck!” He hissed as he quickly jumped to his feet.

“Life is unfair,” The criminal muttered before reaching to punch JJ but he easily dodged it. The speed and agility with which he moved with clearly distracting the criminal long enough for JJ to kick him hard enough that sent him stumbling back into the wall. JJ barely had time to process it before he snapped his hand to the left, stopping a fist that was inches away from his face.

“Nice try, asshole.” He huffed before twisting the criminal’s arm before sending a swift punch to his jaw. There was a satisfying pop sound that told JJ he would be preoccupied for at least a couple of minutes.

He then noticed two of the criminals trying to corner him, and he couldn’t help but smirk a little under the mask at just how cliché it seemed. In seconds, JJ has webs shooting out each wrist, attaching to the chests of each men, before yanking the two towards each other. Groans echoed through the empty street as both men collided with each other.

JJ’s head snapped to the side when he heard an angry battle call as he saw the man with the now dislocated jaw running towards him. JJ crouched down a little before he began running towards the criminal, his arms hooking around his knees. He kept running forwards until JJ felt glass smash around him and the two of them fell through. He quickly got up, wincing at the window he had just broken before turning to the criminal and giving him a good smack in the face—he definitely wasn’t holding back with his strength on that one.

JJ began to work fast, not knowing how long each of the criminals would stay dazed and unconscious for. In no time, he had them piled together, a healthy amount of web fluid keeping them tied together. They wouldn’t be going anywhere—at least for twenty minutes. But it was just JJ’s luck that he didn’t have to worry about that time limit because not even seconds after he finished, he heard the sirens and saw the blue lights flashing down the streets.

Police cars began to surround the bank, creating a semi-circle to prevent any possible escape. Officers began to exit their vehicles, guns set and loaded and now aimed towards JJ. “This is NYPD, keep your hands where we can see them!” One officer called out.

“Shit,” JJ muttered to himself as he raised his hands in the air, watching as officers slowly approached the crime scene.

He watched as a look of confusion washed over their faces as they took in the scene: the smashed window, the five tied up men, the weird silky rope that was binding them together and of course, JJ in his crappy mask.

He watched as they evaluated the situation. Watched as they tried to piece it all together before one officer—the badge telling JJ her name was Captain Peterkin—stopped in front of JJ with raised eyebrows. “Did you do this?”

“Sure did, ma’am.”

“Why?” Another officer perked up, JJ could see his badge said Officer Shoupe.

“They were robbing a bank, what did you want me to do? Sit around making daisy chains until you showed up?” JJ immediately defended, glaring as best as he could with the mask on his face.

Peterkin smiled a little before she cleared her throat, JJ’s attention shifting to her. “Then I guess we owe you a great deal of thanks for your work.”

“All in a day’s work, can I leave now? I’m sure the security cameras will give you all the answers you need.” JJ stated as he already began to take a few steps away from the crime scene, walking backwards.

“Can we at least know your name?” Peterkin asked.

JJ looked down at his wrists before he snapped them up, watching as the web attached to nearby building. He looked at Peterkin and couldn’t help grin under his mask as he answered her question before tugging on the web and swinging away into the night.

“Call me Spider-Man.”

Taglist: @alphinias @popcornhook @loveyatopluto @teamnick @peanutbelley @iccyyyybitch @jiara-maybank @donkey-is-my-spirit-animal @carissarose16 @unspokenfaith @largedenominationsplease @jiaaras @homebody-nobody @smileymikey @hvitstark @shaymq7 @hmspogue @falseungodlyhours @aarchiess @rcsales @raeoffuckingsunshine @jjskiaras @parker-holland-osterfield @thesadprose

[star-light-imagines]

hey, can you write some headcanons for izuku, tenya, and fumikage with a s/o who has really severe adhd? their very intelligent but they have an extremely hard time sitting still and focusing on any task. bonus points if that makes them a really good fighter wuth a strong quirk. thank you!

ADHD Headcanons

Anime/Manga: My Hero Academia

Warnings: None

Enjoy this quirk fest! 💚, 💙,🖤

Ps: I’m still new to this, so thank you for sending in a request and I’m going to give it the best I possibly can!

——————————————————————————

When Izuku first met you he was confused when he saw how you couldn’t stay still very well in class. He noticed how you would tap your feet repeatedly, how you would get distracted by things outside the window easily, how you would eagerly jump out of your seat when class would end. While others thought of this as weird or annoying, he thought it was interesting.

“Y/N, I noticed how everyday you are always moving around during class in some way or form, is it due to your quirk?”

“No I have ADHD, it’s separate from my quirk. However, it does make my quirk stronger than what you would expect. I may get distracted by things around me easily, but all that means is I notice my surroundings more than others, and I can use that to my advantage. Also the fact that I can’t stay still for very long helps me improve my quirk and become stronger. I’m always training because it helps keep me relaxed, but I’m learning to use my ADHD to my advantage in battle situations.”

“Wow! Y/N you have really thought this through and used what you have at your disposal to become a stronger. Is it okay if you give me some tips for my journals, maybe even train with you so I can pick up a few moves?”

“Of course! I would love the company.”

He will stand up for you when others discourage you for having ADHD and trying to be a hero. In fact, if you are training against someone in class when this happens, he will purposely cheer for you super loudly behind them.

“Can Y/N even be a pro hero with how they are always distracted and not paying attention in class?”

“I don’t know I heard Y/N is smart, I mean they get the highest test scores even though they don’t sit still in class.”

“That doesn’t mean Y/N got what it takes to be a pro hero.”

Izuku was sitting behind the two boys murmuring over you as you had stood up to train against kaminari. He was excitedly waiting for you to show them how powerful you really are. “You got this Y/N!” He yelled loudly, so loudly the boys turned around to look at him with disgust.

“If you watch you might learn something.” He said smugly to the boys before pulling out his notebook to take notes for you and how to better improve his own skills.

He knew he liked you after your first conversation after class that one day. However the more time he spends with you the harder he falls. Soon it’s hard for him to not blush when you walk up to him, or for him to not stutter during conversations with you, or even for him to make proper eye contact and because of this you begin to think he doesn’t like you and get anxious.

“Hey Izuku can we talk?” You say walking over to him in the lounge. He was studying the notes he had taken during class but as soon as he looked up and saw you were the one talking he immediately looked back down.

“S-sure what’s up Y/N?” He asked nervously

“I noticed how you haven’t been acting the same around me lately. Do you not want to be friends anymore? Did my ADHD become annoying ?” You ask sadly while looking down at your feet.

“What! No! That’s not it at all, I promise. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” Izuku immediately stands up and grabs your hands so that you look at him.

“Then what is it? Why don’t you look at me? Why don’t you want to spend time with me anymore? Damnit Deku! It hurts so much to see you look away from me when I try to talk to you!”

“Y/N I like you..it’s all because I like you and I didn’t know if you would feel the same way or if you would just want to focus on becoming a pro hero and everytime I made eye contact with you I would turn so red you would probably think I had run 5 miles.” He said as tears started to well up in his eyes.

“Izuku... I like you to, you were the first person in the class to accept me and give me strength to continue. You didn’t judge me for my ADHD but instead saw it as one of my strengths. You stand up for me when I’m not around to do it for myself, you help me when I’m struggling, you support me when I’m feeling like giving up. Of course I like you.” I say with tears falling down my cheeks.

When he first met you in class, he was a bit annoyed that you couldn’t sit still and had become a slight distraction for him. However, he was being polite by not saying anything since no one else seemed to mind. Each day he would look towards your seat to see you shaking a knee or tapping your pencil on the desk. He couldn’t concentrate on anything other than you.

He started to notice more than just your repeated movements each day. He noticed how your hair shinned when the sun hit it from the windows, how you would sometimes doodle classmates into your notes, and especially how you would smile with relief when ever you could stand from your seat. He never even talked to you, but you somehow invaded his thoughts.

“Iida! This is Y/N, I thought you two should meet since you haven’t talked yet.” Mono says happily while introducing you two one day during lunch.

“Hello Y/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Tenya says politely while holding his hand out to shake yours.

“Nice to meet you as well.” You say as you take his hand in yours and in that moment he felt as if he was was shocked by lighting with the electricity he felt from holding your hand.

“I’ve wanted to ask something for awhile now, if you don’t mind?”

“Go ahead, I don’t mind at all.”

“I noticed how you don’t sit very still in class, is there a reason for that?”

“Oh! I have ADHD, it’s a bit hard for me to focus when I’m not moving. I hope it doesn’t bother you.” At this moment it all clicked for Tenya

“Not at all. I will admit that at first it did slightly irritate me but after a few days it became like a routine for me to see you always moving around. It would be weird if I didn’t see it now.”

He knows how strong your quirk is because he has seen you in action multiple times during class and training. He knows how hard you work and how you are able to out maneuver even him most days. You have strong strategic skills as well and can be a strong opponent for anyone in school. However some people don’t realize this when all they see is you being distracted and endlessly moving around during lunch hours, and because of this he won’t hesitate to step in if someone decides to talk behind your back.

“Y/N is so annoying sometimes. Like please sit still for two minutes.”

“I bet Y/N can’t even stay still for 1 minute.” The person says and laughs while watching you from across the cafeteria.

“I don’t know how people put up with that everyday.”

Tenya had heard this conversation on accident while walking past them and immediately stopped in his tracks. He watched as you sat happily with Izuku and Momo and turned to look at the girls who talking bad about you and laughing. He couldn’t let this slide, not when he imagined the look your face if you ever heard what they were saying.

“Excuse me, I overheard your conversation and I would like to let you know that Y/N is the best person I know. Not only can Y/N make some of the top scores in class, but can fight well beyond anyone’s expectations or even skill set for that matter. It shouldn’t matter that Y/N can’t sit still for very long, all that matters is how they are as a person and how willing they are to work towards their goals.”

He didn’t realize his feelings for awhile because he had never liked someone before. You most likely realized your feelings before he did and told him about it and that’s when it clicked for him that that’s what he’s been feelings and what’s been missing from his life.

“Tenya, I have something I need to tell you.” You say quietly in the middle of your movie night one day.

“Oh? Go ahead”

“I like you, I really do. I don’t know how you feel or if you even want to be with me-“ you didn’t get to finish because as soon as he heard the words he realized all he wanted in that moment was to kiss you.

“I guess that means you want me then” you say with a laugh after the kiss.

Fumikage didn’t mind when he noticed how you would shake your legs while sitting in class or how you would click your pen several times whithin minutes. He had seen people with ADHD before and had been good friends with many of them to. However, he did see how others would treat you and made it his mission to become friends with you even though he wasn’t very social.

“Y/N right?” He said while walking up to your desk before class one day.

“Um, yes! Is there something I can do for you?”

“I just wanted to let you know it’s okay to have ADHD. Obviously you are strong or else you wouldn’t be in this class and I know you will get even stronger. If you ever need someone to talk to I’ll be here.”

He would be the first person to come to your rescue when someone picks a fight with you or makes fun of you over your ADHD. He would have a hard time holding back his anger, but he definitely would make sure they wouldn’t mess with you again.

“Y/N I can’t fucking stand sitting behind you everyday and watching you tap your feet and move your arms! I can’t focus in class!” Mineta exclaims

“Funny coming from a boy that can’t focus anyway due to his perverted thoughts about every girl on the planet. How about instead of blaming her for your inability to focus you just learn how to control your thoughts. You know what? Just switch seats with me and the next time you fail a test you won’t have Y/N to blame.”

Fumikage obviously cared about you and liked you but he didn’t want to tell you his feelings without knowing where you stood. So when you confessed your feelings one day while walking back to the dorms, he couldn’t have been happier to be able to finally get his own feelings off his chest.

“Fumikage, wait, slow down.” You yelled while running toward him.

“Do you need something Y/N?”

“Yes, I need to tell you how I like you and how I hope you will accept my feelings!”

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say those words.” He said before drawing you into a hug.

[toast-connoisseur]

ALL of the Ask Me Stuff questions

* 1: Full name: For safety purposes I’ll shorten it: Maria Barbara Gonzalez (yes, that’s the shortened version. I’m Mexican lol)

* 2: Age: 25

* 3: 3 Fears: Being buried alive, anything bad happening to a loved one, SPIDERS

* 4: 3 things I love: My family, my friends, movies

* 5: 4 turn ons: soft touches, kissing, making me food, a confident personality

* 6: 4 turn offs: Overly cocky people, racists, chewing with your mouth open

* 7: My best friend: I’m lucky to have several and I love them all with the individual pieces of my heart they each own

* 8: Sexual orientation: Queer/Gay

* 9: My best first date: I don’t think I’ve ever really gone on one tbh lol

* 10: How tall am I: 5’1 (barely make it to the 1)

* 11: What do I miss: Bars/clubs and Disneyland. Hugging people. Not losing so many people on a daily basis...

* 12: What time was I born: 3:38AM

* 13: Favourite color: Blood red (NOT maroon)

* 14: Do I have a crush: I always crush on random girls

* 15: Favourite quote: “Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I’m yours forever.”

* 16: Favourite place: It was once Disneyland now, I don’t really have a place lol

* 17: Favourite food: All of it. Of course Mexican food takes the top of the list though

* 18: Do I use sarcasm: Noooo, you think?!

* 19: What am I listening to right now: I’m watching Buffy

* 20: First thing I notice in new person: What vibes you’re giving off

* 21: Shoe size: 7 for the most part but sometimes I can fit into size 4 kid shoes

* 22: Eye color: Dark brown

* 23: Hair color: naturally: dark brown, right now: black

* 24: Favourite style of clothing: comfortable but more on the lines of retro/rockabilly

* 25: Ever done a prank call? Yes!

* 27: Meaning behind my URL: I love toast

* 28: Favourite movie: I have so many but one is Saved!

* 29: Favourite song: Lots, but Guilty Pleasure by Cobra Starship

* 30: Favourite band: Avenged Sevenfold

* 31: How I feel right now: Mellow

* 32: Someone I love: my nephew

* 33: My current relationship status: single

* 34: My relationship with my parents: could be better, but it’s there

* 35: Favourite holiday: Halloween

* 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: I have two piercings on each ear, my bellybutton pierced, and 6 tattoos (R foot, R ankle, L thigh, L wrist, L bicep, R bicep)

* 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: I want most of my body covered in tattoos so I have a long way to go. As for piercings, I want at least two more per ear.

* 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: my friends said it would be a good time

* 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I wouldn’t say hate, but we’re not friends anymore

* 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Yes!

* 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? No

* 42: When did I last hold hands? It’s been too long :(

* 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? I work from home now so 0 minutes

* 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Yes

* 45: Where am I right now? In my bed

* 46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? My best friends

* 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable usually. I have very sensitive hearing.

* 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? They actually live with me, but it’s temporary.

* 49: Am I excited for anything? My upcoming move

* 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Yes, two actually

* 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? -I work Monday-Friday

* 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? -OOF

* 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Hot

* 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? -Everyone has different trust levels tbh. My best friends hold top tier.

* 55: What is something I disliked about today? I had to work

* 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Beyoncé!

* 57: What do I think about most? The future I want

* 58: What’s my strangest talent? I honestly don’t think I have one? I guess being able to mimic certain voices/accents sometimes but I wouldn’t say I’m pro

* 59: Do I have any strange phobias? I don’t think they’re strange, I just hate feet

* 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

* 61: What was the last lie I told? “I’ll work on that”

* 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? It depends who I’m talking to, but phone tbh

* 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Both are very real

* 64: Do I believe in magic? Yes

* 65: Do I believe in luck? To an extent

* 66: What’s the weather like right now? Nice and cold

* 67: What was the last book I’ve read? I strictly read fanfiction lately

* 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Don’t love it, don’t hate it

* 69: Do I have any nicknames? Barbie, Barbs, whore, homo... you know, cute stuff

* 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I split my eyebrow open and had to get stitches

* 71: Do I spend money or save it? Por que no los dos?!

* 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? No, but my best friend can and it’s so cool!

* 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? My sweats are pink

* 74: Favourite animal? I love animals but wolves are pretty top tier

* 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping

* 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Sexy. Mr. Sexy.

* 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? -I Wanna Get Better by the Bleachers

* 78: How can you win my heart? Be nice to me and have good conversations to me and occasionally buy me chocolate

* 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? The entire lyrics to Act Up by City Girls

* 80: What is my favorite word? Motherfucker

* 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I honestly bounce to and from so many. There’s no way I can only pick 5. All the ones I reblog from are so great!

* 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? STOP GOING TO PARTIES

* 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that I’m aware of

* 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? I can turn invisible

* 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? None really tbh

* 86: What is my current desktop picture? I made it into a winter wonderland for the holidays

* 87: Had sex? “It’s been 84 years...”

* 88: Bought condoms? I’m gay

* 89: Gotten pregnant? See above

* 90: Failed a class? I think in middle school maybe?

* 91: Kissed a boy? Yes

* 92: Kissed a girl? Yes

* 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Sadly, no

* 94: Had a job? Sadly (but also thankfully since I need money)

* 95: Left the house without my wallet? No

* 96: Bullied someone on the internet? No

* 97: Had sex in public? Yes

* 98: Played on a sports team? Yes

* 99: Smoked weed? Yes

* 100: Did drugs? Yes

* 101: Smoked cigarettes? Yes

* 102: Drank alcohol? Yes

* 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No

* 104: Been overweight? No

* 105: Been underweight? Yes

* 106: Been to a wedding? Yes

* 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

* 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

* 109: Been outside my home country? Yes

* 110: Gotten my heart broken? Sorta but I bounced back pretty quick so idk if that counts

* 111: Been to a professional sports game? Long ago

* 112: Broken a bone? No

* 113: Cut myself? I’m very accident prone

* 114: Been to prom? Yes

* 115: Been in airplane? Yes

* 116: Fly by helicopter? No

* 117: What concerts have I been to? So so so many. I miss them.

* 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? I’m gaaaaaaaay

* 119: Learned another language? I’ve been bilingual since I was a child

* 120: Wore make up? Yes

* 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? No

* 122: Had oral sex? Yes

* 123: Dyed my hair? Yes

* 124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

* 125: Rode in an ambulance? I worked for an ambulance company so just for fun

* 126: Had a surgery? Besides oral?

* 127: Met someone famous? I live in LA, so yes lol

* 128: Stalked someone on a social network? No

* 129: Peed outside? Yes

* 130: Been fishing? No, I’d like to!

* 131: Helped with charity? Yes

* 132: Been rejected by a crush? Fifth grade was a tough year for my love life...

* 133: Broken a mirror? No

* 134: What do I want for birthday? To be able to see all my friends in a safe environment

* 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? I’d like as many as I can comfortably afford. I’d have to discuss with the (future) wife about names

* 136: Was I named after anyone? The Virgin Mary (la Virgen Maria) and some Spanish actress named Barbara something...

* 137: Do I like my handwriting? No

* 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? I loved dolls

* 139: Favourite Tv Show? Bewitched

* 140: Where do I want to live when older? California forever unless properly convinced otherwise

* 141: Play any musical instrument? Used to play trumpet and alto sax. Can’t play anymore lol

* 142: One of my scars, how did I get it? See Q70

* 143: Favourite pizza toping? Pepperoni. I love all sorts of toppings but that’s my fav

* 144: Am I afraid of the dark? No

* 145: Am I afraid of heights? Yes

* 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes

* 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Daily

* 148: What I’m really bad at: Focusing. In my defense, I have ADHD

* 149: What my greatest achievments are: graduating college, getting promoted at work, buying my own car, purchasing a home

* 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I once got told “good luck on the short bus” by a guy that was upset I make more money than he does

* 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: take care of all my bills, invest, and then try to help as many of my loved ones as I could with theirs

* 152: What do I like about myself: my resilience

* 153: My closest Tumblr friend: @itssofragile

* 154: Something I fantasise about: My future

* 155: Any question you’d like? Nah, I think we’re good!

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #17 (1980)

Oh! This is the issue where we learn that the toughest motherfuckers in Estarcion are priests!

What is the statute of limitations for stealing from nuns because have I got a story for my memoir! That's as close to an anecdote as I have for a comic book cover with a priest on it. At least I think that's a Tarimite priest and I think that was an anecdote (albeit a mysterious one!). It's been awhile since I've read Cerebus and I've certainly never seen most of these covers. You know how you can tell most Christians have never read The Bible? Because they're still Christian. I swear to fucking Christ it's the most ridiculous motherfucking thing I've ever read and I've read the later Xanth novels! I don't detect any hint of animosity or marital regret in Deni's "A Note from the Publisher." That just means I didn't find anything worth discussing since I'm inherently a 7th grade gossip. Dave Sim's Swords of Cerebus essay discusses sitcom television and how important it is to keeping everybody's minds diluted to the point of inefficacy. His major point is that it's easy to watch a four hour block of sitcoms without your brain coming up with one thought of its own. Obviously that's the lure of television. But what's not so obvious to most people is that it's not the show or the writing or the sitcom that's keeping you from having your own thoughts about them (although, granted, some aren't worth any thoughts at all). It's the block of time spent sitting and watching them one after the other. If a show offers an intelligent story line commenting on the troubles of our daily lives, the viewer has not time to process what they have just seen. They simply move on to the next show dumped into their viewing trough while whatever they just watched is dumped out the back of the brain to make room for the next character slipping on a banana peel causing Mr. Roper to smile mischievously at the camera because obviously that's what a gay person would do. This way of watching television mindlessly was probably more pertinent to the last century; now we are in full control of everything we watch and have ample time to pause a show or movie and discuss important and relevant bits rather then letting them simply disappear in the flicker of afterimages. Although, we sort of live in a binge culture now and watch entire shows in one sitting so we can move on to the next one. I miss the amount of discussion to be had during the week while waiting for the next episode of Wiseguy or Twin Peaks or Three's Company. Okay, maybe not that last one. What was there to discuss about that show other than why the fuck a landlord had any say in the roommate two women choose to share their apartment with?! If you read Dave Sim's essay, right now you'd be wondering, "How the fuck did that essay cause you to write those thoughts?!" Look, a digression isn't a digression because it's pertinent to the current narrative! Lay off me!

Oh, I guess this one isn't the one with the bad-ass priest (is that even one? Who can tell anymore? My brain is Swiss porridge); it's the one with the terrible German accents.

Cerebus left Palnu with a horse and eight bags of gold. When this issue begins, it's three weeks later and he's down to just the eight bags of gold. The horse had a minor accident which left Cerebus dragging bags of gold across a landscape turned muddy from torrential rains. To get out of the rain so that this issue doesn't devolve into multiple "Gee, what stinks?!" jokes, Cerebus purchases a hovel from some peasants for four pieces of gold. That's where he's relaxing when the big dumb German guys come knocking on his door. Cerebus learns that the Germans (or T'gitans or something. I feel like they're not really ever mentioned again. Not like the Hsifans or the Pavrovians) are about to invade Palnu which piques Cerebus' interest because Lord Julius was a huge pain in the ass and it would probably be funny to see his fall from power. Or maybe Cerebus just has ADHD. The guy on the cover I thought was a priest is some guy named Commander Krull. He's grim and large and dour and he's the kind of guy I thought of as a grown man when I was a kid. I will soon be 49 and I learned years ago that I'll never think of myself as the way I used to picture grown men. That's not a bad thing! I'm just commenting on the delusions that grow within the minds of children. When I was a child, I'm sure I subconsciously categorized every grown man in my life as "Man" or "adult male." I believe there was always a bit of fear that came along with the adults whom I though of as Men. It's probably why I loved old men so much because they were somehow broken through the other side of "Man" and were back to being child-like. If you're confused by my definitions of what I thought a Man was, I'd say it would have been people like Mr. Cunningham or James Evan Sr. or Pa Ingalls or Grizzly Adams or Sgt. Carter from Gomer Pyle or Mr. Banks from Mary Poppins. Men who didn't register as "Men" were Bert from Mary Poppins (hell, just about any character Dick Van Dyke played. He was too playful to be a Man), Jack Tripper, Gene Wilder as anybody, Roddy McDowall as anybody, Lenny & Squiggy. Maybe I was just intimidated by men with broad shoulders? It's sort of sad that one of the main qualities that made a male figure in my life "manly" was if they intimidated me. And yes, for those of you who actually think about shit I just wrote that you just read, Mr. C scared the bejesus out of me.

This is the face of a man who grew up thinking, "I have to be masculine or I am nothing!"

Just to be clear: I don't give a fucking toss about masculinity. All that nonsense about what makes a man a real man is simply philosophical wanking of the most boring kind. But that doesn't mean you aren't inordinately influenced by that shit while growing up, especially when your father left at two and all of your adult male role models were on television. I may have been intimidated by Mr. C and James Evans Sr and Pa Ingalls but thank fucking Christ for them because I knew at least three adult males cared about me for a small amount of time each week! Cerebus realizes Krull, disguised as a priest, has snuck out of the town for reinforcements. Cerebus' big plan is to not let that happen! My instincts are to call him a genius even though the plan seems pretty obvious. That's probably because Cerebus is a fictional character and I can lavish praise on him without feeling jealous and petty and upset that nobody is calling me a genius. I mean, why aren't they? Have I not criticized enough comic books to be regarded as a genius? Am I misunderstanding the definition of the word?!

Cerebus uses the priest disguise against Krull. Genius!

Like when he defeated the leader of the Eye of the Pyramid in Palnu, Cerebus uses trickery instead of force to defeat Krull. I mean, both are knocked out by a rock to the head which I suppose is force but Cerebus uses tricks to get the opportunity to smash rocks into their heads. Having defeated Krull, Cerebus and the T'gitans conquer Fluroc, putting pressure on Lord Julius to raise an army quickly (since his current army is on the Onliu border which is, I suppose, super far away and stuff). I guess next issue Lord Julius and Cerebus go to war! I can't believe I don't remember this story! I mean, I remember the Krull encounter but I'd forgotten it had anything to do with Cerebus waging war against Palnu. Another excerpt of Michael Loubert's "The Aardvarkian Age" appears this issue. It's as dry as reading an Associated Press rendition of a historical event. I'm not sure why I thought these things would be entertaining when I got to them. Cerebus is funny; why isn't the history of the world of Estarcion?! Aardvark Comment isn't interesting yet. It's still people praising this little rinky-dink comic book operation for surviving over a year. I can't wait until Dave starts pissing off fans and then arguing with them! Cerebus #17 Rating: B. This story seemed incomplete. Probably because it's just the first part! But also it seemed anti-climactic or a hodge-podge of semi-related scenes. It was like a sketch show! It had some pretty solid jokes but overall I just kind of felt like I'd have been better off spending the time eating a box of Oreos.

[oskarwing]

TUA Percy Jackson AU

Just me having the need to combine Fandoms. These are just my very chaotic thoughts in no order. Also I might write a fic to this one day...

Note: Even though I don’t mention it for everyone specifically just where it seems to fit because this post will be really long already they all have ADHD and dyslexia because that comes with being a demigod in the Percy Jackson universe.

Luther and Five were the first of the seven to come to Camp Half Blood Hill. They are children of Hephaestus and a male engineer.

Luther spend his earlier childhood trying to impress his human father by working hard in school and trying to get as good as him but the human Dad never quiet came over suddenly having to take care of two children that suddenly showed up in front of his door with a note from the dude he had dated for a while saying that those were their biological children.  

At eight years old Five decided to run away and Luther couldn’t let him go alone. 

Luther has their godly father’s craftsmanship talents which he mostly uses to build his model spaceships and sometimes trying to make more functional ones he also gets pretty good at sculpturing.

Five is good at building things too of course but he’s also one of the children of Hephaestus who have pyrokinesis-powers (I know that is super rare but ssshhhhh) 

While they were running away from monsters Five lost control of his fire and he accidentally burned Luther who will always have scars from this and also restricted movement in his left hand (he is still good with building but it takes him a lot longer and he sometimes needs to ask Five for help)

While he was recovering he dreamed about Hephaestus and his father showed him his deformities and tried to make it easier for his son (I know gods generally don’t care but he can relate and also Luther is a tiny eight-year-old still at that point.)

Five obviously feels immense guilt over this. He was just scared and of the monsters and wanted to burn them like he did with some of the others but instead he got his twin! 

He helps Luther as good as he can though. In the beginning when Luther still had a hard time he’d cut his food for him. 

And nobody, not a soul, not anyone in the whole camp would ever dare to make fun of Luther. Not when his twin is standing behind him with eyes surprisingly icy for someone with fire powers. 

They will try twice to go back home to their father.

Once when they are ten and want to maybe see if it was so bad after all. 

And once when they are starting highschool and want to give normal life a shot. 

The first time engineer human daddy made constant remarks about Luther’s scars. Both of how bad they looked and how it made him a little more clumsy because of how badly his left hand was burned. 

He also like implied that he thought Five did it intentional. That was one of the few times Luther had to comfort Five while he was crying. Though he was crying too.

That stay didn’t last more than two days and they were on a bus back to camp. 

The second time their human father was nicer. He had a new boyfriend and a dog and seemed genuinely apologetic. Though after how he had behaved neither of the twins accepted those apologies. 

He didn’t know how to talk to them still.

There was too much between the three of them and it seemed awkward. 

 In the end it was a drakon attacking all of them that made the twins decide that this wasn’t their place. 

Their father told them that he’d keep their rooms always ready for them to stay when he saw them off. 

There weren’t any ‘I love you’s but that dog? The dog of the new boyfriend? She was a female dog and she had puppies in the time they were there. One of those dogs really loved Five. 

And Five loved him.

And that’s the story how the Hephaestus-cabin got a tiny mascot named Mr Pennycrumb.

Klaus comes to the camp a year after the twins. He’s thirteen. 

His godly parent is Hermes. 

His mother had a big green VW trailer when he was little. One with which they traveled through the whole country staying wherever they seemed fit. 

They lived in the back cuddled together on the bed. Klaus will still say that was the best time of his life. 

It was also his mothers way of trying to protect him from monster. She hoped if they kept going they wouldn’t be to easy to find.

But then she got attacked and killed by a monster anyway and Klaus was handed through the foster system where he was also declared as crazy for how he described his mother’s death.

He went to countless therapists over the years. 

Until he got found by a Satyr who brought him to camp. 

He quickly joined in with the pranks some of his half-siblings did. 

Also he became one of the children of Hermes who smuggle in all the good forbidden stuff the campers need and desire. 

He’s quiet great at stealing as well. 

Somehow he always gets Luther to build things for his pranks without Luther knowing what they are for. 

“What do you need a pieform with a lever system that is remote controlled for?” “Oh, you know, I just wanted to give that harpy on the tree some pie and I can’t throw that high.” “Aw. That’s so nice of you!” 

The pie ends up in the face of a surprised Ares-child. 

Klaus is cackling in safe distance. 

Since he has no other place to go he stays in the camp year round.

Third to join was Allison, only a few months after Klaus at age 15

She’s the daughter of Aphrodite and an artist. 

Her father was bewitched by Aphrodite’s beauty and he has a portrait of her.

When she was little Allison spend hours in front of that portrait just staring at her mother. 

Her father never once told her about her no matter how many questions she asked only one time when he told her he didn’t like to paint humans and she asked: “What about Mom then?” He answered: “Your mother is entirely different, Allie.” 

Allison got handed from school to school. The schools claiming she was manipulative and somehow always got what she wanted and them only realizing what had happened after it was done.

Her father didn’t put her into therapy though. He just ask her to try her best to stop. 

Allison didn’t really understand how she was doing it though. People just did what she wanted them to.

It’s charmspeak obviously.

When she was attacked by a Cyclops in school though her father thought it was time to get her to camp so she can learn to cope with her demi-godliness

But she mostly only goes in summer and spends her schoolyear with her Dad.

When Diego joins the camp at 14 a week and a bit after Allison he’s this angry boy always starting fights with anyone around him. So naturally everyone assumes he’s just a child of Ares.

But then he gets claimed and to the surprise of everyone... he is...

The son of Apollo.

Everyone’s like “That angry dude is supposed to go in a cabin full of sunshine people??”

And Diego is a little surprised too.

But he is very good at archery as it turns out.

And dancing! Apollo might be the god of music but you gotta know your way around rhythms if you want to be good at dancing!

His human parent actually is a ballet-dancer.

After she found out she was pregnant with Diego she moved in with her good friend Grace. The two of them fell in love before Diego was born.

Yep, Diego is raised by lesbians. Because I say so.

Grace is this friendly soft Mom we know but she’s also the one to teach Diego various martial arts.

 Diego’s biological Mom is this no-funny business stern mother who on the other hand very much loves her son.

She just wants him to succeed in life and with her profession she just learned that you have to be tough to succeed.

Diego ended up in the camp because both of his moms got fed up with getting attacked by various greek monsters all the time.

Well fed up is kind of the wrong word but they wanted to make sure that Diego would be able to defend himself if he was ever in danger and Grace’s teaching don’t help him anymore.

So at the start of the summer they drive him down to camp.

He likes his siblings there.

Though he is concert of one Dave Katz who spends far too much time with that one Hermes kid that can never sit still and he’s not sure if he’s good for him.

Ben comes to camp half a year after Diego with a Satyr. He’s twelve and just radiates sadness seemingly.

 Since he’s staying in the Hermes-cabin for a few days before he gets claimed Klaus tries to cheer him up a little with various dumb jokes. 

He doesn’t laugh once. He does however ask for some books.

It turns out that he with help of his father worked through his severe dyslexia just to read the stories his father read to him himself

His father was a marine biologist and super dork.

Little Ben had this big book about different sea species he used to look through.

He also had one about different mythologies because his Dad was also super interested in that kind of stuff and wants his son to be informed all around.

He basically had books about anything and everything. And his father tried his best to answer any question he had and the questions he couldn’t answer he’d find someone else to answer.

Anyway you probably already know that Ben’s godly parent is Athena.

Surprise!

Once he gets claimed Klaus is like a little sad cause he started to feel really protective of him while he stayed in the Hermes cabin.

But he gets to see him every day anyway so it’s all good.

They still don’t know what’s going on with him though.

The Athena Cabin and Klaus try their best to find out why he’s so sad all the time.

It comes out during the mission he, Klaus and Diego go on.

On one of his research trips Ben’s father was attacked by Cetus. Ben was also on the trip but was able to safe himself though for a while it looked like he was about to drown.

His mother saved him however with a small boat that appeared under him.

As soon as he got to land it transformed into a tiny nutshell. 

Ben has it with him at all times and that’s how he saves Diego and Klaus on that mission telling them that story.

Vanya is who Ben, Klaus and Diego are going on the mission for.

She is this ten-year-old girl in an elite boarding school who for some reasons despite trying her very best always gets in trouble.

The reason is constant monster attacks.

She’s pretty upset about that. She knows her human-father expects the very best from her. And so does she! She has to be the very best!

Her father is a conductor in a high-level orchestrate and he expects his daughter to be a lot better than ordinary.

The boys bring her to camp where she shows off her violin talent.

Diego kinda hopes that she’s an Apollo kid so he can keep an eye on her. Though he’s also somewhat scared of her.

She and Five are instant friends! They sit next to each other at the camp fire listening to the dumb stories Klaus tells or the great ones Allison acts out.

She gets claimed during capture the flag where she wins the flag (with the others help)

Her godly parent is Nike. 

She’s a little scared when she sees what kind of overachievers her siblings are.

Sporty kids, Kids that are great at art or acting or school.

And she’s just little Vanya with her tiny violin and she couldn’t even make first chair in her school’s orchestra.

Soon she learns however that even though her siblings are highly competitive they are deep down very sweet.

She goes back to her father after the first summer ends but pretty soon comes back.

He told her what a disappointment she was. 

Five and Luther have also returned from their Dad by then and they bond over shitty parents.

Klaus is also still there to lift the mood!

And Ben! He joins in with books he read. 

None of them can wait for Diego and Allison to finally join them at the end of the school year.

[garden-uprooted]

“One body, two souls” (( god I can't imagine there being any personality that'd be worse to fuse Spinel's with than Dom's and vice versa and I MUST hear what your take on what that Hell Fusion would be like is omfggggggggggg ))

Send “One body, two souls” to see what I think the fusion of our muses would be like // Still Accepting!

Gemstone Name & Reasoning: Mookaite (yes I KNOW there’s no reason the gem would change since Spinel’s the only Gem in the fusion, but finding the gemstone for the fusion is half the fun, shut up-) 

Okay so I KNOW the name sounds weird, but I NEEDED a specific feel for the fusion to fully WORK, y’know? Their fusion would lack ANY sort of Spinel’s typical restraint; a completely wild free spirit. I needed a gemstone that encouraged the release of inhibitions and made you set your sights on things that you’d previously held yourself back from. 

“Embrace your wanderlust and let Mookaite be your spiritual compass, pointing you in the direction of adventure. Awaken your true potential with the energy of this stone, and pursue the passions you’ve put on hold. The willpower that mookaite stimulates in your solar plexus and root chakras will rouse in you a desire to explore new activities. Its exciting, yet comforting energy makes for a great travel companion for those on a solo journey.”

I would go into more detail, but in order to properly do that, I’d need to jump onto the next section uwu… 

Personality:

OKAY. I HAVE SO MANY FUCKIN’ THOUGHTS ON THIS MESS WHOM I ALREADY IMMEDIATELY ADORE 

Okay okay okay, SO. Obviously they’re a pretty toxic fusion. This should go without saying- two chaotic energies in ONE body?? 

… But it ISN’T because Spinel and Lord D DON’T get along, oh no..

It’s BECAUSE they get along so SWIMMINGLY. 

Spinel is naturally impulsive and reckless, sometimes, due to Trauma TM, and also just because she’s Like That, but she HAS self-restraint. She can tell (most of the time) when she’s gone too far with something. And Lord D, while not nearly AS hyperactive as Spinel (but ABSOLUTELY is also an ADHD mess), has undoubted patience and self-control, as well. 

They’re “bouncing off of the walls” off the shits chaos lesbians, but they both know how to reign themselves in. 

While fused as Mookaite, however?

That ALL goes out of the window.

They FEED into each other’s boundless thoughts- they ENCOURAGE each other’s deepest darkest carnal desires ALL in the name of 

FUN. 

Spinel is a people-pleaser, above all. She’s LITERALLY an entertainer, and she ADORES her job/”life purpose”. She won’t hesitate to change herself or mold herself into what others want/expect her to be so long as she looks up to and wants to impress said person. 

And DING DING DING, Lord Dominator fits that criteria. Spinel gladly falls into the more submissive role in their fusion- letting Lord D pull the strings from the back (AKA, the Front). 

A little confusing? Don’t worry, I’ll clear that up a little later down the line. 

For now, let’s just say that Mookaite is THE definition of discord and madness. She practically BATHES in the tears of others- RELISHES in pained cries as she tramples over (or SLASHES through) people. Jokes? Japes? Cruel pranks? Snarky remarks? Low blows to people’s self-esteem via honing in on their weaknesses and using it against them? 

You want it, Mookaite’s got it all! There are absolutely NO remnants of Spinel’s kindness or compassion to be had. It’s all overshadowed by the desire to be ACTIVE and to MOVE and to spend all of her child-like ENERGY (that has practically no limit to it, so long as they’re fused together). 

She’s INTELLIGENT, though. SCARILY so. A force that you DO. NOT. WANT. To reckon with. If she WANTS something, she GETS it. There is no escape, so don’t even bother hiding or running. 

A MASTER manipulator and strategist, as well as wild party animal and unrestrained force of destruction. She’ll gladly restrain herself long enough to string people along- only for the SWEET sweet eventual payment of said person’s bitter tears as they either have their heart, or their spine broken. 

…However… I WILL say that, SHOULD Mookaite ever encounter someone that Spinel KNOWS (and thus most likely automatically CARES about), and the Dom part of them goes “OH, someone to hurt/”prank”!!!”, Spinel WILL go “Wait wait wait, but- but they’re my FRIEND, I’m not gonna-??” 

It’s SO MUCH more DIFFICULT for Spinel to vent our her feelings/frustrations on someone who ISN’T a complete stranger to her. All of that empathy and WANT to be somebody’s very best friend never VANISHED. It just got restrained. 

The SECOND Mookaite tries to/decides to ATTACK/HURT, say, someone like STEVEN, Spinel takes full control and unfuses at once.

Physical Appearance:

Oh, they want to make sure they can at LEAST tower over most humans they encounter. I’d IMAGINE Dom is around 5′7″, and Spinel just barely naturally reaches 5′3″ in her current form (I headcanon she WAS 5′0″ or so before Pink left her- height is intimidating), and so Mookaite is looking to be around 6′5″ to possibly JUST shy of being 7′0″. Of course, they can stretch, still, so their natural standing height isn’t all THAT important. 

Remember how I described their personality earlier, though? What with Spinel playing the more subservient role while Dom takes the reigns? Yeah, that’s coming back into play here, baybey!!! 

While Mookaite takes on Dom’s slender and athletic physique and generally uses her body as a base, their face resembles Spinel’s the most. At first glance, SPINEL would seem like the dominant in the fusion, actually. 

However, in spite of that, Spinel’s loud and proud presence in Mookaite is only representative of her and Dom’s RELATIONSHIP. Dominator is Spinel’s enabler- turning her from a loose canon to one fully loaded and ready to fire; the consequences be damned. 

So, in actuality, Dom is still, naturally, the dominant. Spinel is just her willing (?) puppet to enact out their obscene horrors. 

Their hair is styled almost exactly like Dom’s- except it’s colored like Spinel’s, and it’s an absolute jagged frizzy mess. It kinda looks like they took a pair of scissors and tried to style it themselves, to be honest; but it’s stylish in the “manic pixie dream girl” way, if you know what I mean? 

Dom’s white hair shows in white streaks throughout. Mooktaite’s entire color scheme is themed around blacks, dark magentas/reds, deep browns, oranges, and yellows, to boot; drawing inspiration from the gemstone, Mookaite, itself, and Dominator’s attire. 

They keep Spinel’s poofy bottom, but it acts more like short shorts that flow seamlessly into Dom’s split dress; which is masterfully torn and tattered just at the knees. They also keep Spinel’s gloves- they just gain a more ragged look, as well, and are styled after Dom’s elbow-length ones. 

Say bye bye to Spinel’s fuckign clown shoes, tho, they’re Dom’s sneakers, now. RIP clown shoes. Ye shall be missed. 

Mookaite’s eyes are Forever Swirly And Crazed. It makes her look like she downed ten espresso shots in one sitting and went back to the coffee shop for more. Her mascara is also There, but it’s X2. 

It’s ALWAYS running down her face- yes, actually running down her chin and dripping right off. An endless supply of messy, drippy mascara that LOOKS like they’ve been crying in it for five hours, but 

HAHA!

Mookaite doesn’t CRY! 

On the outside. 

Oh, also, did I mention the fact that they have extra limbs? Typically it’s only just two arms and two legs, but as an extra “HEY, WATCH THIS, AND ALSO FUCK YOU!!!” they can sprout another pair of arms from their back at will. And yes it makes sickening cracking sounds, because Dominator has bones that CAN make those sounds. 

Does it ACTUALLY hurt her to do, though? 

Eh. Your choice. 

Oh oh oh and NATURALLY they have sharp, shark-like teeth. Why??? Would they NOT???? Bruh they’re fuckin off the wall, they’re demonic as all hell and so basically I Love Them 

…. Oh, and uh…. Sarah Stiles’ Spinel’s New Yorker accent that tends to be more of an undertone, than anything..? 

It’s fully pronounced in Mookaite. High pitched, squeaky, psychotic Betty Boop hours, folks.

Combat: 

My fingers hurt but you know how Spinel has her scythe, Suzie? And Dom can control magma and ice/frost? AND you know how they BOTH can stretch and extend their limbs/Dom is super flexible? 

Now, I’m not saying crazy fast contortionist that can wreck you from like twenty feet away, but- okay I totally am.

Something tells me Mookaite would be MUCH more a fan of hands-on fighting, though. Sure she COULD either suit up or use Dom’s powers and Spinel’s elasticity to one-hit KO their opponent, but where’s the FUN in THAT? 

And thus where Suzie comes in. 

Mookaite is a brick POWERHOUSE- chaotic demented laughter all the while while she SLASHES through her enemies; twirling through the air and jumping on top of/off of their shoulders or heads. She’s a bratty gamer girl about it the whole time, too; mocking her adversaries for being “too slow” or “not putting up enough of a fight/challenge”. 

She’s ALWAYS looking for fights and worthy opponents- swinging Suzie around like the huge scythe is a baton and not a VERY deadly weapon. She treats her like a prized cane half the time; preferring to have her fully activated and ready to go at the drop of a hat. 

[amyscascadingtabs]

13 or 34 (or both!) for peraltiago prompts!!!! 💕

congrats siân, your prompt was the first one to make it to a longer piece (or like, 1.3k) instead of staying the short little piece these were supposed to be but it got very sweet so i’m not too mad about it.

13. “Sorry I’m late.”

A quick glance at her watch confirms it - Jake should have been here seventeen minutes ago.

There is no trace of him.

Amy sighs, channeling all her self-discipline to resist the urge to send another follow-up text, asking about his current location and why he’s finding it amusing to let his girlfriend of three months sit and wait on the steps outside of his apartment, when really, he should have been there to meet her long ago.

It’s not even him she’s most disappointed in. She’s worked with him for five years, knows clear as day he could probably find a way to be late for his own funeral, but he’s made a point of arriving on perfect time for each of their scheduled dates so far and somehow, she got used to it. So used to it she went ahead and assumed the trend would continue, would allow for her to decide a time with him over text and be able to go straight to his apartment after spending a weekend at her parents house. She was acting like a straight-up optimist, which feels strange and unnatural and clearly doesn’t serve her well.

Nineteen minutes late.

Amy supposes it could have been worse. If she has to be stuck waiting outside a boyfriend’s apartment, she’d much rather it’d be a pleasantly warm evening towards the end of summer, the kind of weather where even she’s given up on wearing an extra coat, than a freezing January afternoon with her exhales creating clouds of white vapor. Outside of the fact that the chill of the stone steps seeps through the fabric of her floral summer dress, she’s not too uncomfortable. She’s still annoyed, though.

Her phone vibrates in her hand, but it’s just a Facebook notification, reminding her she’s invited to Floorgasm’s dance show at a birthday party tomorrow. Still nothing from Jake.

She wants to put down the phone in her purse to keep from looking at the time, but holds onto it for some inexplicable reason anyway.

Twenty-two minutes.

She should dig out her book, her laptop, do some work, anything but keep wasting her time staring at the customers entering and exiting the bodega across the street. Hell, she should go home to her own apartment, text her boyfriend to drag his ass over there when he next remembers to look at the time and then act extra bitter for the entire night when he shows up. That was her method for any time Teddy was late and it worked perfectly to give him a bad conscience each time, yet she lacks all temptation to do something similar now.

Jake’s not doing it on purpose. She knows that, knows he fits an abundance of criteria for an ADHD diagnosis - including poor sense of time - but keeps putting off speaking to a professional about it. He’s not intentionally making himself late, but rather is just not wired for keeping track of time. She knows. She wishes her growing impatience knew it, too.

Twenty-five.

Nearly half an hour. Half an hour is a long time, half an hour is allowed-to-be-pissed time, half an hour means she could call his phone and demand to know where he’s at. She still doesn’t. She keeps turning the phone in her hands instead, waiting for a text, a call, an explanation. In place of anger, worry is growing. Maybe something happened, maybe he managed to get himself kidnapped again or he’s going undercover and Captain Holt forgot to tell her about it, maybe he was the victim of a street shooting and is bleeding to death on the concrete.

She googles recent shootings Brooklyn, but sees nothing that could be her boyfriend and draws a tentative breath of relief. She texts him instead, a neutral Where are you?, but the reply won’t come.

Twenty-seven minutes.

At this point, she’s barely even angry. She just misses him, misses her boyfriend after spending a weekend answering too many questions from her parents and all seven of her brothers about him, misses his laugh and the way he scrunches his forehead when he’s not sure she’s right about something. She misses the smell of his aftershave when she presses kisses to his neck, misses the way he hums and draws her closer in the mornings after she’s stayed over at his place on his new and dreamy mattress, misses untimely Die Hard-references and him insisting on helping her clean up even though she’s way more efficient on her own. She’s spent four days without him and it’s not a lot, she spent six months without him when he was undercover with the FBI and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out how she felt about him and that was unquestionably worse than the four days she’s had now with texting and phone calls and a FaceTime session to keep her stable, but she still missed him. She missed him enough to have felt jittery for the entirety of today, her heart fluttering and smile inevitable whenever she’s thought about seeing him tonight.

She just wants to see him.

Twenty-nine minutes late.

Her back is hurting from her less than ideal posture on these steps, and she stands up to stretch her arms over and then behind her head, drawing her shoulder blades together and apart, tilting her head side to side.

That’s when she sees him.

He’s running towards her, face all red from exertion like he’s sprinted the entire way from the precinct, and he’s panting like he just completed a marathon when he reaches her.

“Oh my god”, he gets out between gasps for air, “Ames, shit. Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay”, she says robotically, then remembers her annoyance and adds, “Kind of.”

“It’s not okay, it’s a dick move and you deserved better.” Jake sits down on the steps right where she was sitting a minute ago, putting his head in his hands. “I walked to the precinct today, because it was nice out and you’re always telling me I should get more fresh air. So I forgot I didn’t have my car.”

“You could have called.”

“My phone died”, he says, holding up his phone and pressing the power button to reveal the Apple picture of an empty battery and blinking charger. “Out of nowhere. Or I guess not out of nowhere. I forgot how much battery FaceTime takes, and we were talking for a long time yesterday.”

“Oh.” She’s blushing now, starting to regret all her previous judgement.

“So I ran. From the precinct to here. Like a crazy person.”

“For me?”

He rolls his eyes. “No, because I love exercise and especially running so much, I constantly go on 5k runs in plaid, jeans and leather jacket while carrying a bag just for fun - yes, Ames, obviously for you.”

“Wow.” She sits down next to him, putting her head on his shoulder. “And here I was thinking you were just ignoring me.”

“I could literally never ignore you. It’s my most fatal flaw.” He looks straight at her, a gravity to the warm brown eyes she’s also missed so much. “If I ever ignore you, that’s definite proof I’ve been taken over by an evil identical twin or a super smart evil robot.”

“Well”, she smiles, heart much warmer now than before. “That’s good to know. And no offense, but I think you might need a shower after your run.”

“Will you share it with me?”

“Only because you’re the cheesiest, sweetest boyfriend ever.”

“Aww”, he grins. “Santiago thinks I’m swee-eet - ow, don’t punch my shoulder!”

Forty-two minutes after their originally scheduled meeting time, he’s trailing kisses along her wet skin and she can tell exactly where it’s going.

Yeah, she missed him alright.

[spencefogh42-blog]

San Diego To Host Supercross Military Admiration Race.

One third of the world's populace does not engage in suggested levels of physical activity (), resulting in considerable health as well as financial worries as a result of increasing degrees of non-communicable illness. Several sporting activities beverages likewise have artificial sweeteners (they could bring about damaged kidney feature, anxiety, headaches, infertility, mind tumors, and a lengthy listing of other severe illness), artificial tastes and also food coloring, which has actually been linked to a selection of health issue, including allergic reactions, hyperactivity, decreased INTELLIGENCE in kids, and numerous types of cancer cells. This health problem could be absolutely unfortunate on an individual's life, so I prompt you to seek an educated all-natural healthcare expert who could help you on your healing journey. When you work out while periodic fasting, it essentially forces your body to shed fat, as your body's fat loss procedures are managed by your sympathetic nervous system (SNS), and also your SNS is activated by workout and absence of food. If you have serious pain in the back or injury, are out of form, or have any clinical troubles, talk with your physician before you begin any kind of exercise program Some workouts might not be suggested. OVER 49: AUS 162/3 (Watson 108 Smith 8) A brief round from Swann is drawn savagely for 4 by Watson. Intake of carbohydrate during a session (e.g. sporting activities drink, gels) can not just help to boost training performance through provision of fuel for the working muscular tissues as well as main nervous system, yet additionally make it easier to meet overall day-to-day energy requirements. In addition, a 2006 study in the Canadian Medical Organization Journal concluded that exercise substantially reduced the risk of a variety of illness, including cardiovascular disease, cancer, obesity, osteoporosis, diabetes and also clinical depression. And also for the record he wasn't believe against the brief sphere just as Steve Waugh wasn't yet was thought to be when initial went down. Well, for younger people, workout is frequently a little bit of a stress-buster, but for me, as I get older, it's far more concerning staying flexible and mobile to make sure that you could proceed doing all things you appreciate. You could do HIIT by running/sprinting (if you love running), or by using health club devices such as a treadmill or elliptical exerciser maker, or you could achieve similar benefits without running at all by doing super-slow weightlifting, as explained by Doug McGuff in the video above. Nevertheless, Magee is completely pleased with a manual stationary bicycle she bought for $300.

When you are ready, weights could be added to your exercise regimen to further enhance the hurt area. The abdominal exercise team executed 7 stomach exercises, for 2 sets of 10 reps, 5 days a week for 6 weeks. OVER 27: AUS 107/1 (Rogers 18 Watson 78) Anyway, Broad comes on with an outstanding, reliable over that contains simply a no ball and that's possibly put the kybosh on my scheme. On Monday, leading receiver Alshon Jeffery was penalized a four-game suspension for breaking the NFL's policy on performance-enhancing medications. Additionally avoid resting as long as possible-- ideally restricting your resting to three hrs a day or much less, as prolonged resting is an independent threat factor for chronic condition as well as early death-- even if you're really in shape as well as workout on a regular basis. Swiftly renew your power prior to, throughout or after your following exercise with the Jelly Stubborn belly ® Sport Beans ® Fruit Strike Jelly Beans. The 4x200 relay really started to build confidence in 2014 with MacLean as the celebrity of Commonwealth Gamings and Frying pan Pacific Championships medals. http://menguatkankesihatan.info convened by the American University of Sports Medicine in 2010 assessed offered study as well as concluded that workout is secure during as well as after all breast cancer cells treatments (as long as you take any kind of needed precautions and also keep the intensity low) as well as improves physical functioning, quality of life, as well as cancer-related tiredness. While the uneasy topic of sexual assaults on university universities has actually ended up being a nationwide discussion, residential physical violence against university ladies is just starting to see the exact same type of interest. Although considered one of the most comfy of bikes to ride, it can spend some time to obtain made use of to the feel of riding this long and reduced bike. For the very first time, the U.S. Division of Education revealed last month its list of universities under investigation-- though no information of the grievances-- as the Obama management looks to bring more visibility to the issue of sex-related physical violence on and around the country's universities. His frank discoveries of the sexual abuse he endured three years ago prompted more than 20 other previous specialists ahead ahead with their own stressful stories of enduring at the hands of sex-related predators in the sport. http://menguatkankesihatan.info take place during times of stress and anxiety, when your heart requires more power and also pumping ability, yet doesn't have it.

As the respective 12th males were adding the parasols to the powerade, the hulking all-rounder lofted a Powell distribution in the direction of the long-on border, after that viewed with a barely-supressed smile as Ramnaresh Sarwan spilled the ball over the fence. There have actually been 250 records made to cops as well as more than 50 calls were made to an NSPCC hotline established for sexual assault sufferers in football in the preliminary hours of opening. The Pistons expect him to set solid displays over and also over once more, dive to the basket as well as still have sufficient energy to secure the protection as well as control the glass. A study released in the journal Medicine and Science in Sports & Exercise 6 showed that leucine and also various other amino acids located in high-quality whey protein activate cellular pathways, consisting of a system called mTORC-1, which in turn advertise muscular tissue healthy protein synthesis, increase thyroid, and also secure against declining testosterone levels after workout. I'm mosting likely to note a few of the several, lots of points workout could do for your mind and body.

The perfect food would be coconut oil as it will certainly not intensify your insulin levels as well as is metabolized relatively promptly for power. Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea has actually rejected complaints of organising a conference between two footballers as well as 2 ladies, among which claims they were both sexually attacked by the males. When this Play60 thing falls short, I make sure he'll mandate some kind of exercise when all the kids are sent to his socialist re-education camp, er ... I indicate, college. Cardiovascular: Jogging, using an elliptical exerciser maker, as well as strolling fast are all instances of cardio workout. The general public mostly sustained him when he was accused of sexual assault in Nevada. Stephen C. Putnam, MEd, took up canoeing in a significant method to deal with the symptoms of adult ADHD (attention deficit disorder ). After that he wrote a book, labelled Nature's Ritalin for the Marathon Mind, about the advantages of workout on frustrating brain disorders such as ADHD, a neurological/behavioral condition causing attention deficit disorder as well as the inability to focus on jobs. The college said last week that it was making adjustments to exactly how it reacts to reports of sexual offense sa part of a $5 million dedication to enhance its efforts.

[tifarobles]

Enjoyable Shows to Watch with Kids

First of all, let's talk about screen time. Doctors are getting more and more concerned about the effect screen time has on the developing brains of children. I completely support considering the severity that the impact technology is having on us as humans of all ages, especially youth. 

It is recommended that children have less than 2 hours of screen time per day. This equals out to one movie a day before bed or a few episodes of something spread throughout the day. I’m not recommending to reach these 2 hours every day, merely saying that it’s scientifically ok if you spend some time watching stuff with your kid. 

Note: I am not a doctor, these are just my opinions as a parent based on lots of random Google searches and conversations with our pediatrician.

We tend to let Xander watch a little bit of TV or a movie after dinner/before bedtime and during the morning on lazy weekend days. 

These have been my favorite shows to enjoy with Xander. Shows that I feel he is getting something out of watching and shows I can stand to watch repeatedly if needed. 

Steven Universe

If you haven’t watched Steven Universe, you should change that. I consider this show to be the most progressive show of our generation and I do not think this is just for kids. What is great is that it is very good for kids. This show teaches the importance of love, family, and empathy. The show goes deep into exploring equality and diversity, gender identities, classist behaviors, complications of racism, and a variety of relationships, including same-sex and bi-sexual love stories. I will warn you that it takes about half of the first season before you really start getting into the good stuff, but it is totally worth it. The characters are incredible, the music enjoyable, and the lessons impactful. 

Super Monsters

This show is on Netflix and I absolutely love it! The characters are super adorable and each episode teaches some valuable lesson. The best part about the show is that it’s a kids show based on classic monsters - a zombie artist, a werewolf with ADHD, a Frankenstein’s monster that has a hard time controlling his strength, a perfectionist mummy, a flying vampire, and a super cute witch who turns her stuffed animal into a living cat every night. The show follows the lives of these monster children as they attend a night school for honing their special powers, preparing them for Kindergarten in the human world. The show explores themes of friendship and being true to yourself. 

Mister Rogers, Neighborhood 

Who doesn't love Mister Rogers? His show withstands the tests of time and is still an amazing program to expand children’s little minds. Fred Rogers understood that kids deserved and desired genuine, honest conversations about the world and benefitted from knowing that they are uniquely special. My favorite part of the show as a child was the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. I hope it helps Xander to understand and explore the power of his imagination in the same way it influenced me to find my creative voice at a very young age. One of the most fascinating trends of the show was Fred’s ability to discuss complex issues like racism and consent and craft a conversation that young children could understand. 

Fraggle Rock

Jim Henson really knew how to make great puppets and feature them in an immersive experience for children. Maybe it’s my nostalgia for this show, but I love singing and dancing with Xander to these songs. The world is beautiful and calming and the constant escapades are fun to watch. The Fraggles have surprisingly deep personalities and teach each other how to be better people when challenges arise. An interesting feature about the world is following the trials and tribulations of four species that depend on each other and have to live together with very different skill sets, biology, and cultural views. 

Bob’s Burgers

Funny enough, this is Xander’s favorite show. It is not a kid’s show and occasionally sneaks in some inappropriate references or jokes, but overall is very cute and clever. The foundation of the show depends on the deep love that the Belcher family has for each other, despite their oddities. Bob is a cynical burger restaurant owner, who does all he can to provide for his family, despite his slow business. Linda is the fun-loving, optimistic mom who is always there for anyone in need of support, sometimes too much so. Tina is the eldest daughter who is the epitome of puberty in the best and most realistic ways. Gene is a sensitive, silly mama’s boy who loves creating music with fart sounds. Lastly, Louise is the tough-guy, little sister troublemaker, capable of crafting master cons. Watching this family’s weirdness and unconditional love never gets old. 

I’d love to hear of more shows that we can enjoy with Xander while teaching him important values for life! 

[zappycat]

Who are your characters? Are they for a plot or just running around in your head? Tell me everything.

yeah, I’m kind of lowkey working on a webcomic, right now I’m mostly teaching my self to draw and fine tuning my writing the webcomic is kind of similar to x-men I think, I’ve never read X-men but my roommate told me it was so I guess it is, but also not really, it’s called Anomalies. I’m still hammering out some of the characters and plot, but I can tell you about the ones I have. this will be kind of long. 

I guess I’ll start with the first arch which is going to mostly focus on my character Philip and his friends. Philip is 15 years old he’s a freshman at JSA or Jacob Sharpe academy named after the headmaster’s dead younger brother, this might change but for now, I’m sticking with it. Philip is a telepath, he can also kind of sense other people powers but he isn’t very good at it yet. he’s also trans and really likes teaching himself to play different musical instruments, currently, he can play the guitar, the ukulele, and he’s teaching himself piano, he also has a longboard and almost always rides it to class. Phillip has a crush on a boy in his math class named Mikkel (he technically doesn’t show up until the second arch but I also don’t care) 

Mikkel is telekinetic and super Jewish. he’s also in wheelchair, he’s teaching himself to play the banjo but he hasn’t told anyone this yet because he was teased by his two older brothers and he’s slightly embarrassed now. Mikkel is a huge film nerd and has a few of his own screenplays, he also thinks Phillip is kind of cute.

Phillip has an older sister Named Lavinia but people usually just call her Lavi she’s  super gay and can control fire (she inherited her dad’s powers Phill takes after his mom) Lavi would die for her brother, she bought him his first binder when he was thirteen and she has a girlfriend named Briar who can turn invisible. (I’m still kind of working on her character but she’s an artist and she also loves horses and rock climbing)

I suppose I should talk about Phillps roommate next, his name is James he can control electricity, James is a year older than Philip, sometimes he accidentally electrocutes himself and other people. he loves hockey but has no idea how to play. He was really disappointed to find out that there was no Asain food market nearby, and even more, disappointed when the dining hall tried to serve “Korean BBQ” one time, it ended up making him more homesick and was also the first time he and his brother spoke to each other in a year. James is super ADHD and cannot sit still in class so he ends up doodling in his notebook for most of the classes he’s not interested in. he has a huge crush on a girl named Ophelia whose in his chem class and he spends the full hour and thirty minutes staring at her. Phillip thinks this is hilarious but still offered to talk to her for him the next time he sees her, they both go to GSA meetings Ophelia is trans as well, and James can hardly form a sentence when he’s around her it’s adorable, also Ophelia can control water.  

One of Phillip’s best friends is Ollie, who can manipulate plants, they love gardening and keep a micro garden in their dorm. Ollie loves curry and anything else spicy they have a sriracha bottle on their keychain because nothing is ever spicy enough for them. Ollie is genderfluid often switches between wearing a hijab and a turban depending on how they feel. they co-run a fashion blog with their friend and roommate Cadence, who insists on using Ollie as her model whenever she gets the chance. 

Cadence is non-verbal and super high energy, Ollie has trouble keeping up with her signing because she moves so fast. (I’m still not sure what Cadence’s powers are I’m playing around with a few different ideas one of them being fabric manipulation ) she’s constantly grabbing her friends to model for her fashion blog and has a huge sweet tooth. Ollie is always teasing her because she can’t handle spicy food.  

another one of Cadence’s favorite people to use as a model is her friend Margot, a tiny ball of non-binary rage who can shrink at will, they use this power to sneak into the vending machine and get free snacks to this day they haven’t been caught doing so. Margot loves cheese and thinks chocolate and mint together is a sin. (still working on them too)

I have more characters  but this post is getting kind of long so I’m going to end it here please ask any questions you have about my children I love talking about them

[makeitagoodoneeh]

Time for me to tell a story so you can validate me

I was at a work event this weekend that took place at a hotel an hour's drive (30ish miles) from my home. Yesterday, I went hunting for my keys so I could retrieve something from my car, but for some reason they weren't in my purse. Oh well, I thought; I can get by; I'm sure I just tossed my keys into one of the five other pieces of baggage I have with me; I'll find them tomorrow morning when I pack up.

No such luck. It was getting close to checkout time and I had gone through all my possessions twice. Roommates hadn't seen them or accidentally taken them home.

Panic time.

I checked out of the hotel, because it was on a company card and there was no way I was risking any extra charges, and sat in a corner of the lobby surrounded by my suitcase, shoe bag, makeup bag, garment bag, snack bag and boxed foldable coat rack, fighting back tears and making sure no one affiliated with my company/the event would see me as they checked out.

Y'all, this is where we see the power that labels have to change lives. I mean sure, maybe I would've grown and healed and overcome my self-loathing as I got older anyway, but maybe I wouldn't have? All I know is that when shit like this used to happen to me, it would be the beginning of a spiral of anxiety, self-flagellation, shame and sometimes complete inability to function that would last anywhere from a few hours to a few days. No matter how anyone tried to comfort or reassure me, I couldn't shake the deep-seated belief that there was something horribly wrong with me and I was too incompetent and careless for anybody to love or respect. I also had NO ability to emotionally self-regulate; I felt completely out of control and incapable of looking on the bright side of anything or resisting the onset of a bad mood.

Now, though, after discovering I have ADHD, I've slowly been able to accept that I don't have to be perfect, that occasional carelessness doesn't mean I don't deserve the relationships, possessions or career I have. Maybe shit just happens. Maybe I don't have to live completely without accidents, mistakes, forgetting important things or losing objects or wasting time or money. Over the last couple of years, meltdowns of this type have been fewer and fewer, and less and less severe, so today feels like a massive achievement.

Because what did I do after checking out? I sat there spinning my wheels for a few minutes, thinking "fuck, I'm going to have to ask my in-laws to pick me up on the way home from their road trip, and I'll have to sit here for like five hours waiting. This is so embarrassing, what if they can't leave as early as they planned and I don't get home until 10 and I end up even MORE exhausted and unprepared for the week and all my plans and goals are ruined, what if the keys really are lost and I have to tell my landlord and pay a huge fee and get another car key, what if my in-laws think I'm stupid and immature and start to hate me" and so on.

But it only went on for about five minutes before I said to myself "okay, self, let's get a grip--this could be SO MUCH WORSE. You can handle this." I started listing the positive aspects of the situation: I had snacks and a phone charger; it wouldn't actually be out of the way for my in-laws to drop my husband off and he had the other set of keys, so nobody would be having to spend $100+ on cab fare from the city; I was a respected, privileged customer in an establishment with very comfortable seating, restrooms and eager-to-help staff... and EVEN IF all of this hadn't been true, I STILL wouldn't deserve to feel miserable and stew in anger and bitterness towards myself, because nobody deserves that for a moment of material carelessness and it wouldn't even help me or fix anything if I did deserve it.

So I got some tea and had a snack, and once housekeeping and my coworker roommates had confirmed they didn't find the keys, I asked my husband if they could come pick me up, and I spent a few more minutes just eating and drinking and calming down. I said you know what, I'm going to have to paint my toenails for work, and I need a haircut, and maybe this is a sign that I should stop procrastinating on that shit and feeling bad about it... and I thought maybe this could become something enjoyable?

I looked up a nice salon open on Sundays in the area that the front desk staff had told me was accessible by a short flat-rate taxi ride and booked a pedicure and a haircut. I mean hey, sure I can paint my own toenails, but I haven't had a pedicure in awhile and I might as well check that task off my to-do list while I'm stuck around here instead of having to rush to do it when I get home (or worse, Monday morning.) And I was planning to get my hair done this week anyway, and now I won't have to try to squeeze it in before work or next weekend when I'm already uncomfortably busy again...

All this to say, now instead of being miserable and ashamed, I've been feeling both pampered and productive, and I'm really proud of myself for handling this this way. And I'm super fucking lucky that ultimately given my life circumstances and privileges, this is just an inconvenience and not a total life disruption in a practical way.

[kellyzeagman]

Hello hello

In 2 days I will officially have 1 MONTH LEFT. 4 weeks sounds better, 30 days sounds even better. Two girls from my team leave tomorrow (the 5th). So happy for them to get to go home, but honestly it’s going to be really sad to see them go. We got really close. Sydney is from Halifax so perhaps our paths will cross again, but Vera lives all the way in Russia so who knows if we will ever meet again, I really hope we can. Two great girls gone at the same time. Also it’s a bit sad in the sense that them leaving makes everyone else want to leave as well. We are all jealous. Our team of 12 has stayed the same since October. No new people and no one has left. My boss and other co workers have said they have never had a group stay the same for so long, because on bigger ships and ships with different itineraries, teams change up all the time, even every 2 weeks. Some ships even have 30+ youth staff, whereas we just had a tight group of 12. So, this has been so great getting to know everyone for 4 months without changes. Two new girls from England will be coming on the 5th to replace them. It will be nice to meet new people and have a bit of change, but the two leaving will definitely be missed! I feel very lucky to have been a part of such a strong team that all gets along and works well together.

Anyways, I guess cruise ship life is filled with lots of quick hellos and goodbyes, only this time you don’t know if you’ll ever see them again. It’s going to be so weird when they leave, considering we all spend every waking minute together. Working, eating, going out, drinking, hanging out at ports, relaxing, etc.. you see them all day every day. I guess I’m just not used to people leaving yet whereas everyone else is. The 5th is our biggest turnaround day yet. 200 people signing off, and 200 people signing on. They also said it’s the biggest cruise so far in terms of provisions (loading on/off). Think of how much food and drink and other supplies will be needed for 2 weeks, crazy. When I say turnaround day, I’m referring to the day that all the people from the previous cruise leave, and a few hours hours later all the new people from the next cruise come one it’s QUITE the operation. I can’t believe people leave and come on all in a matter of hours. Last guests usually get off around 9:30, then people can start coming on around 10:30/11:30. Insane.

We have now completed our 3 day and 2 day cruises. Still seems like such a waste of man power/ resources/ fuel to have people on for this short of time. I thought it would have been a lot crazier, but it wasn’t too bad. The kids were definitely not the best behaved. Quick and cheap cruise= no cares. We now move onto our 2 week cruise. Thankfully, I think there’s only 300ish kids and half of them are teenagers. It should make for a more relaxing and less stressful time. However, the 2 week cruise is already starting off on a rough note and it doesn’t even start till tomorrow. Two of our ports (Lifou and Mare) are not letting any cruises stop for the time being because of the coronavirus. Purely just for their safety, if it ever reached these islands and spread, it would be so horrible because they have very little resources and medical care. So, it’s to protect them. For us though, we’ve had to change some things around.

Now because of the 2 cancelled ports, we had to add another port to the schedule and they’ve actually turned it into an overnight stay. Luganville, Vanuatu. It’s such a questionable place to have an overnight. Usually, overnights happen in European places where there’s a lot of stuff near the ship and great night life, where people can walk off and explore and party and then walk back on whenever. We have been to luganville one other time last minute because of a change in schedule and there’s really noooooothing there. It’s about a 15 minute walk to the “downtown” which is so incredibly poor and rundown. And not to be judgemental, but if anyone took that 15 minute walk at night during the overnight to go downtown for god knows what, I feel like it would be pretty dangerous. It will be interesting. There’s a lot of cool places/beaches to drive to during the day, but night time is gonna be a bit sketch. We shall see. I won’t be getting off at night. Guests probably aren’t going to be very happy, so hopefully they just decide to not come. ;) the kid count just got printed off and there will only be about 133 kids which is AMAZING. I’m sure they will still be just as loud and competitive as ever.

Aussie kids are a different breed. The sound of 6-11 year old boys screaming “YOU’RE OUT” during ball games will truly echo in my head until the day I die. It sounds more like “uuurrrrr aaauuutt”. It’s the most annoying thing in the world and happens constantly for 9 hours of my day almost every day. I really do think that they are very different than Canadian kids that I’ve worked/volunteered/interacted with. It will be interesting coming home to see how different they really are and compare. Lots of my friends are saying the Australian kids we’ve had this contract are the toughest kids they’ve ever had to deal with. They definitely aren’t as chill or laid back as I thought they would be. There’s also endless amounts of kids considered “special attention” meaning ADHD, anxiety etc.. again, people say more than any other countries they have done. Now that I’m finishing this up, I feel I can do anything. My Russian friend was part of the nursery staff. We all rotate age groups, but there’s 2 girls who spend 95% of their time in the nursery. Now that she’s gone, I am the one taking her spot in the nursery, as I’ve been the one spending most of the time in the nursery when one of the two girls are off. I’m excited because babies and toddlers are super cute. It’s stressful In different ways compared to the 3-11 year olds. You can have up to 8 babies in the nursery.

On turnaround day after the 3 day cruise I had the entire day off. This was probably going to be my last full day to explore Sydney, so I decided to do the hop on hop off bus tour. Of course, it was pouring rain. But rain never killed nobody so I still went. I brought a rain jacket and sat alone at the top with my hood on, still great. I only got off at bondi beach, where I spent about 3 or 4 hours. When I got there it was so incredibly cloudy, but it’s still quite the sight to see. First thing first I went to the nearest vegan joint where I could stuff my face. I went to a savoury vegan pie place, absolutely amazing. Got mashed potatoes, gravy, two pies and an Oreo milk shake. ALSO the cafes dog sat beside me the entire time I ate, which was SO nice because before this, I had only interacted with one dog in the last 4 months, which was a stray on the beach. This one was nice and clean and friendly and was so nice to actually pet and hangout with a dog. 2 dogs in 4 months for a brief amount of time is sad. It was everything I didn’t know I needed. I will think about that meal until I get to come home. The food situation on the ship is still so unfortunate for me, so any food that isn’t what I eat every day at the mess is amazing to me. If you want a bit of an idea, this is it. The ship hardly has any vegetarian options, let alone vegan. Every day they have a vegetarian table with 4 options. 98% of the time it is a creamy soup and some sort of casserole with cheese or cream, so can’t have either of those. The other 2 are almost always steamed cauliflower, or ratatouille. I’m done with both, I’ve had it too many times. Aside from that vegetarian specialty table, there’s some other things throughout the mess. I pretty much switch up between pasta, rice, salad, peanut butter sandwiches, roast potatoes, cereal and cucumbers every day. I’m reallllllyyyy over it. So I try and go crazy on food every time I get off in Sydney.

ANYWAYS- After lunch at bondi I walked to length of the beach watching the surfers while walking through the incredibly cold water. There’s a reason they all wore wet suits. The sand was soooo nice and soft, probably the nicest I’ve ever walked on. I had so much time there that I debated booking a surfing lesson but had no bathing suit or towel. I will definitely come back to do it one day in my life!! The area of Bondi itself is so hip and laid back. Everyone is SO beautiful and I felt out of place as I was soaking wet like a drenched rat in my raincoat while they were all in their surf and beach attire. It was probably the coolest place I’ve ever been in the sense of atmosphere and vibes. I didn’t feel cool enough to be there, especially alone hahaha. Loads of backpackers and tourists. Tons of surf shops, souvenirs stores and cafes/restaurants. I imagine it is a very prestigious place to live and super expensive. The views/locations around bondi have to be some of the best/most expensive in the world. I would love to spend a few days there to truly soak in the atmosphere, though I did pretty much everything in under 4 hours. Love you Bondi!!

Hmm what else to say. That girl who I said was coming from China and gonna be confined for 2 weeks isn’t coming anymore because they aren’t sending Chinese people anymore. However, they did end up sending back the same captain that we had during the Asian season and he is from China. He is confined to his room for 2 weeks, but his room is enormous and has all the bells and whistles, so I don’t feel too bad. OH, I finally have a new roommate, I don’t remember if I said this last time. Solo living has officially come to an end. She’s from Indonesia and works for housekeeping. She’s very quiet but has worked on ships before, she looks to be around my age. We work opposite shifts most times. She usually works during the night while I’m sleeping, and she sleeps during the day while I work. It’s been good, but I definitely miss having my own room, though I still kind of feel like I do because we hardly see each other.