#love the knuckle spikes he added to his arm :D

[robo-dino-puppy]

horizon forbidden west | kotallo 1/?

[dirt-cup-draco]

Fred Weasley x Reader - You’re Just So Cute

hello! if your request are open may i ask for some Fred Weasley? maybe the reader shes super nervous and shy around him "crushing hard" and hes just love it and doing so on propose?idk just lots of fluff!! and happiness :D thank you for your time!!! @stars-shaped-clouds

Warnings: Short mention of PTSD like behaviors, injury

Diagon Alley had flourished in just a short time after the war. It was a good way to focus on the fact that even though everyone had lost so much, Voldemort was dead and everything was looking up. It was hard some days to feel fine, it almost felt like you were betraying those you had lost. But you tried to remind yourself you couldn’t stop living. It would truly be a betrayal to those who wanted you to be happy. 

You walked around waving to people as you passed, a new appreciation for those around you. There was an air of unity between you all. You had all fought together, a common cause and the fight for your survival and beliefs making you all a family of soldiers. 

With the sound of something erupting from above you startled, arms going over your head as your heart rate spiked. Your eyes were wide and they darted from person to person. Why did no one seem concerned? You took a risk and looked for the source of the noise, only to find a shop you used to be quite familiar with your last year of hogwarts. Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes stood in all it’s glory and sense finally caught up to your panic. 

You had thought for a moment someone had been attacking. You sighed and tried to shake your nerves as you decided to enter the shop. It had been quite some time, it wouldn’t hurt to visit would it? You weren’t close with the twins but you enjoyed their humor and had messed around with them once or twice in school. One twin remained your favorite thought. Fred Weasley, your date to the yule ball and your first kiss. Not that he knew that. 

He’d asked you out on a whim, George talking his ear off about he had already found a date, what was Fred waiting for. As he passed your table Fred had stopped in his tracks, tapped on your shoulder and asked you to go with him. Unbeknownst to you, he had reveled in the way your crimson blush had painted your cheeks and the tips of your ears. He’d kissed you that night after the dance, firewhisky spiking your punch and giving you courage. 

It’d been a tad sloppy if you were honest, his limbs much longer and more awkward than yours. He’d had you pinned against a column, lips tugging at yours and trailing to your neck before someone had interrupted, drawing his attention away from you. Fred had given you a wink, and then disappeared. 

“Y/N!” Came a booming voice and you startled, coming back to yourself, cheeks red hot as you realized where your mind had been stuck. A twin stood in front of you, hair shorter and eyes brighter than you remembered.

“Weasley!” You exclaimed lamely but with a laugh as he chuckled in response. 

“It’s George, look, no ear!” He joked, swiping his hair to the side so you could see that he was in fact, missing one. 

“Oh! I’m sorry-” You began but he waved you off.

“Please no apologies, its a blessing, now people don’t mistake me as the less attractive twin,” 

“Oh bugger off,” Fred said, his voice softer than you remembered. In comparison to his brother, life had seemed to taken a bit more out of him than expected. He had a cane supporting him as he hobbled to you with surprising speed. “We all know Y/N thinks I’m cuter,” He winked, a sly smile sneaking onto his lips. 

Your cheeks seemed to be permanently stained at this point and Fred loved it. He took one last step and tossed a friendly arm around your shoulder. “Well come on in then stranger, make yourself comfortable, I was going to make tea,” Fred commented, leading you in and past the whirring, buzzing, popping products they had become well known for. 

“Don’t forget to make me some!” George hollered as you made your way up the stairs. 

Above the shop was a nice space with a crowded kitchen that seemed to be used more for storage than cooking. Boxes with the twins’ logo were spread everywhere but Fred moved all around it seamlessly, grabbing 3 mugs and setting a kettle on the stove. 

You followed him and sat at a small table that was crammed against a window that looked over the alley. 

“You’ve always been quite the people watcher,” You commented and Fred smiled, leaning back in his chair with a groan.

“Depends on the people,” He said honestly with a shrug of his shoulders, honey flecked eyes trailing from the tips of your toes to the top of your head leaving you feeling warm and embarrassed. “I love when you do that, rosie,” he teased and your eyes bugged out with the fond nickname he had given you the night of the ball. 

Rosie, for always turning rose red in his presence. 

“It’s embarrassing,” You muttered, standing and waving him back down into his seat as you shuffled around the boxes, hitting your shin, on your way to the whistling kettle. Serving up the tea you muttered a spell, George’s cup making it way to him downstairs. 

“I think it’s cute,” Fred said with another wink and you couldn’t hold back the giggle.

“One thing hasn’t changed about you Mr. Weasley, you are a flirt,” 

“Oh please don’t call me Mr. Weasley, I already feel old enough with this damn thing,” He growled, eyes burning into the cane beside him. “Makin’ me feel like my dad,” 

“There isn’t anything wrong about having a cane Fred,” You said honestly, hand reaching for his as he glowered into his mug. “The war- it took... it took a part of all of us,” 

“Some more than others,” He replied dryly, hand warm and calloused against your own. 

“You’re still the same old Fred I know and love,” 

He was snapped out of his bleak mood, eyebrows shooting up past his hairline as what could only be described as a shit-eating grin lit up his face. 

“Don’t say a word!” You scolded immediately, ducking your head and letting your hair create a curtain that would keep him from seeing the embarrassment you felt. You kept making a fool of yourself! 

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” He said innocently, hands reaching upwards in surrender. 

“Liar,” 

“I would never!” 

“Bullshit,” 

He laughed out loud and squeezed your hand, dragging it towards his mouth so he could press a kiss against your knuckles. 

“I would never lie to you Y/N,” He said more softly this time, a sparkle in his eyes. 

“Then if I asked if you missed me? What truth would you tell me?” You challenged, even if you were still unable to meet his eyes. 

“Then I would say, I missed you too, rosie. I thought about you a lot, and I consider myself the biggest idiot in the world for not saying anything to you after the ball,” His voice got quiet and he let his long finger run around the rim of the cup in his hands, “A-and when I thought it was all over, that that blasted death eater got the one up, my life flashed before my eyes. I didn’t have many regrets, but I did regret not finding you sooner to tell you all this,” 

Your heart jumped in your throat and choked out any words you might have had. “Oh Fred,” you sniffled, getting up to throw your arms around his neck as he wrapped an arm around you even as you rattled the table, tea spilling. You were seating comfortably in his lap and he held you so your chest was pressed comfortably against his. 

“You are so cute,” He breathed out, hand going to your cheek as you leaned into his palm. You wanted to turn away again but he kept you facing him. “You are cute,” He repeated, lips brushing against your nose. “You are sweet,” He added, lips traveling over your cheeks. “You are mine? If you want,” He asked, lips hovering in front of yours, his breathe fanning between you. The scent of tea and cinnamon and ash filling your senses and making your head fuzzy. 

“I”ve always been yours Fred Weasley, you don’t even have to ask,” You spoke, surging forward to kiss him. It wasn’t sloppy like it had been when you were kids. He took the lead, his lips set in a determined pace, arms strong around your waist as he nipped at your lips, tongue sliding against yours sneakily as you whined into his mouth. 

“I’m actually George,” He said, once you pulled away and you smacked his chest. 

“You can’t fool me, I know what you taste like Fred, you never forget your first kiss,” 

“Y-you mean that I-? Fred asked, pushing your back into the table as he slid his chair out a bit, keeping your comfortably on his lap but needing to see more of you. You chewed your lip but nodded. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, I am completely yours,” You said as his features lit up, looking more like the man you had met in Hogwarts and less like the man that had been scarred by war. 

“Merlin, you’re cute,” He breathed out again, feeling more complete than he had in some time. 

[prose-for-hire]

When the past comes back with bite

Pairing: Spike x vampire!reader

Request: Last anon here! Could you write smth where spike meets his ex he stil got feelings for at wolfram and hart, because w/h is settling her super important demon divorce for her?(maybe her hubby is a demon prince or whatever) and during her marriage she changed from shy sweatheart the a bamf? Your work is AWESOMEEEE btw

Warning: cute anecdote(s) about the reader killing people. Swearing. Mention of everyone Spike’s been with.

A/N: Set in Angel S5 so spoilers if you haven’t seen it. I stole demon prince Barvain from an episode of Buffy. I can get a bit carried away with the back story sorry about that lol

You had been inside the office so long the walls were starting to close in on you. It was getting so desperate you had debated opening the necro-tempered windows and just allowing yourself to be committed back to the earth. This was taking its toll. You were speaking to your lawyer, Mr Gunn, trying to settle what had been a long and messy divorce. And not just messy because you had ‘accidentally’ killed your last lawyer when he suggested that your soon-to-be-ex-husband got the pay-out he didn’t deserve.

To say your husband was a demon prince, was to be hugely inaccurate. You know those emails you get with the sender claiming to be a ‘demon prince sitting on a large pile of jewels just waiting to be given away’? Well, if someone hadn’t heard or received them, they were lucky because his scam had snowballed and taken on many forms over the last few years as humans and demons alike actually fell for it.

“Gunn, this isn’t good enough! I want to speak to the big man”

“Uh, look, you don’t wanna bother him with this, I can sort you”

“I want to speak to Mr Angel. Now” You changed into your game face, but it was just for show. Gunn had really been trying for you, he even got another lawyer upgrade so he could find you more loopholes. He agreed, having heard what you did for a living, not to mention the activities you got up to in your free time. As you were walking through the corridor towards Angel’s office, you heard a familiar voice.

“Y/n… it’s, uh, been a while” the voice spoke and you couldn’t help turning around.

As your eyes connected, your past flashed before you. Stolen moments together with devotion dancing around you like reflection from a kaleidoscope. Your shared love blossoming in dark hideaways, the only sweet thing being your affection for each other.

“Spike!” You exclaimed, moving to hug the vampire you had spent decades with before you had found your husband. This wasn’t how you usually greeted people now, the smile so bright it almost made you cringe but you couldn’t help it. It was really him.

His hand lingered as he hugged you back. He leant into you, as if he wanted to stay there for a while. As if he hadn’t felt and embrace like that in a long time. Your relationship had ended as amicably between you as it could have done, knowing you both needed to part ways. It was one of those, right person, wrong time deals.

“Damn, you know each other? I should have guessed” Gunn said, surrendering and walking past you both. You were one of his most difficult clients. Spike frowned, you were his opposite, how had Gunn decided that? You had been a sweetheart, the one person to soften his evil nature before he had fought for his soul. You were so shy and kind, he had been convinced you had to have a soul hidden on you somewhere.

“How have you been?” You asked, cutting in before the inevitable questions about your very public divorce. He looked panic-stricken at the question, unsure of how exactly to chronicle everything that had happened since you last saw him. He had got back with Drusilla again – big mistake; gone to a little place called Sunnydale; fallen in love with a slayer – didn’t last; and fought to get a soul. He started to open his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by your attention switching to a very grand-looking demon sauntering your way. This, of course, was your husband, the demon prince, and his six-person entourage he never went anywhere without. Your honeymoon wasn’t pleasant. Apparently, he was being represented by a lawyer here too.

“Well, if it isn’t the demon formerly known as my husband” Your smile so achingly fake it was hard to keep up.

“Barvain, demon prince” He tried to shake Spike’s hand but he just stared, crossing his arms.

“Sorry, uh, I don’t care mate” Spike said, looking back at you to try to catch your eye. But your eyes were locked with your ex’s. Staring him down in a way you were often feared for. After a moment of thinking, Barvain’s eyes sparkled, he recognised the description you had given of one of your old lovers.

“Oh, this is the spike? I thought he’d be a little more impressive, all things considered”

“Oi-” Spike started, but you spoke over him.

“Can it, prince of the four corners of fucking nothing”

“Didn’t see you as someone that would run back into a man’s arms like that, but I guess he was always your weakness” He took credit for ‘building you up’ and ‘making you strong’ but your change in attitude was absolutely nothing to do with him.

“Just sore that I’m not crying over the very painless loss of you?” You roll your eyes.

“Yeah, the crying. Tough on the outside but a crumbling mess over your precious Spike inside - I thought marrying you would set you right, but it just made you a vindictive bitch” he quipped, his entourage laughing and joining in as he spoke.

“All right, Barvain, that’s it” You decided, easily changing into your game face and landing blow after blow on the various demons and men that started to walk towards you when you ran at your ex. You easily gained the upper hand, dusting a few vampires that had been taunting you with two swift movements. You went to attack a human but Spike pulled you back both times you tried it. Eventually, you rounded on your ex. If you hurt him, it wouldn’t do you any good - you just wanted to show him you weren’t scared of him. But Spike didn’t know this, so he pulled you back away from him as some lawyers scurried into their offices to lock themselves in so they weren’t caught up in the fight.

Spike had pulled you back but not before you thinned the demon half of his entourage in the process, dust cascading around the corridor like snowfall. You had become somewhat of a fighter. Actually, that was being modest, you had mastered several martial arts, aced weapons training and had made serious money off your talents. People actually came to you if they needed someone threatened or taken out. You were well known and people paid you a lot for it, more than any scam your ex could come up with, hence the messy divorce.

Barvain knew he wasn’t winning in a fight against you, which is why you usually only spoke through lawyers, so he departed with two of his entourage left trailing behind him. Spike turned to you, a mix of impressed and confused. Had he missed something? You were badass all of a sudden. You had never so much as looked at someone wrong when he knew you. He couldn’t help admit that there was something elegant about the way you fought, no matter how brutal.

“Don’t tell me you actually went out with that git” Spike asked, apparently in a bit of a daze. He wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t just dreamed you mercilessly beating up that group without so much as a pause for an unneeded breath. It was so different from the meek person he had once fallen for. He could see it was still you, but you had gotten tough.

“I fucking married him!” You sighed, checking your knuckles for any damage and shrugging.

“You never used to swear”

“You never used to care if I killed people” You said softly, not that you ever really had when you had been with him. You ate when he went out and found someone for you but never really went hunting for yourself. You had been shy talking to people, even humans, to try and get them to come with you into an alley to feed. This became a problem when you and Spike had parted ways, you had stuck to animal blood for the most part. Until, your darling husband had all but driven you to killing. You had a lot of free time on your hands after you were married and it was a surprisingly nice tension release.

You both stared at each other for a moment, you were now stood agonisingly close together. Feelings both of you had never quite forgotten igniting easily. Your gaze never faltered from the other, until Spike finally spoke up, “Drink then?”

“Oh, you bet” You confirmed, following him out.

“To love” He toasted sarcastically, as your bottles clinked together at the bar he had brought you to. Apparently, there was a nice onion flower they served here. You took a sip of your drink, watching him. You had noticed the difference as soon as you cast eyes on him.

“You know, you’re a little different than I remember… tamer perhaps” You teased lightly, his eyes searching your face as if he were trying to memorise every feature, every expression you made in case you disappeared from his life again. Your confidence was so new to him, he really liked it. You had blossomed since he last saw you, but your face was exactly the same.

“You heard about that?” he asked finally, wondering if this meant he was going to have to fight against you one day.

“I didn’t believe it at first, a soul suits you though” You complimented him, he had always been so gentle with you but it was so fascinating to see how he coped with a soul.

“And your new attitude suits you” He added, a nod of approval and a smile on his lips as your eyes locked. He had never once stopped thinking about you. He had been with people since you, Drusilla for a while. Harmony, even the Slayer. But even through that, his mind had always wondered to you. Thinking what you might have been up to. Wishing you had stayed in contact. Hoping against everything that you had kept yourself safe, not getting yourself caught. You had been so sweet, he had been scared you would have let someone dust you for being an inconvenience.

The look in his eyes told you he was reminiscing as you were, remembering the times you had spent together. He moved in, closing the gap between you, lips meeting yours so gently you were surprised it was him. After you adjusted, the kiss as sweet as the one you shared to say goodbye, his hand moved to cup your cheek as you rested a hand on his chest.

The kiss reminding you of how you were back then. How you were his. You wouldn’t change back to how you were, but you wouldn’t mind getting to know him again. Your lips moving against each other, as if no time had passed. He clung onto you, as if he were scared you were an apparition of his own design. He tried to deepen the kiss but you knew it wasn’t wise. You were still technically married after all. You moved from him, smiling and telling him you should go, getting up to leave.

“Will I see you again?” he asked, the desperation in his eyes fuelled by more than the one beer he had been nursing since you arrived at the bar.

“Oh, Spike, I really hope so” You said honestly, smiling at him before sauntering out of the bar, knowing for a fact that he was watching you walk out.

[kurosakiami01]

No Regrets

Event: Whumptober 2019 ( @whumptober2019 )

Fandom: Original Work

Characters: OFC/OMC

Prompts: 11. Stitches + 12. “Don’t move” + 13. Adrenaline + 14. Tear-stained (A mashup of prompts to get back into this :’D)

Warnings: Past car accident. Hospitals. 

Her head felt light, her thoughts muddy and slow. There was light, she knew, but she couldn’t be sure if she had her eyes open or if she was just aware of it, the light so bright that burned through her closed eyelids.

What time was it? What day?

She frowned, trying to remember. Monday? No, not Monday. Thursday. Yeah, Thursday. She remembered going to the gym. She went on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but on Thursdays, she went home directly after it while on Tuesdays she made a pit-stop in the grocery store. She was going home. She was pretty sure of it.

Did she feed the cat?

What time was it?

Why did she feel so tired?

An annoying beep was bothering her. Must be the alarm. She couldn’t find the strength to reach with her arm to silence it, and it was getting really annoying.

Why wasn’t her husband doing anything? Damn, she knew he slept like the dead but this was too much.

The beep kept on beeping, and she grew more and more restless. Was it getting louder? It was. It was. Shut up.

Shut up, shut up, SHUT. UP!

She groaned, a guttural sound that came directly from her throat, and finally got enough strength to move.

Her groan turned almost immediately into a cry of pain.

Everything hurt! It hurt so much that tears immediately sprung to her still-closed eyes. She whimpered, and the beep became even more erratic.

What was going on? Something was so, so wrong. Her body burned and she gasped again.

It hurt!

“Shh, shh, love,” a voice said, and a warm hand pushed some hair off her face. She knew that voice. She trusted that voice. “Shh, please, everything is okay, okay? Just stay still, for me, yes? Just don’t move. The pain will pass, I promise.”

Okay. Okay, she could do that. She centered herself in that voice and followed the instructions given, and slowly, slowly, the pain started to dull.

“You’re doing so well. So well, love. I’m going to bring you water, could you open your eyes for me? Please?”

It was a struggle, but she couldn’t say no to that voice. So she struggled to remember how opening your eyes was supposed to work, and after a few minutes, she managed.

The room was bright, and she had to squint. Her head hurt.

“There you are,” said the voice, that now she saw it belonged to a man. It was full of relief. “Here, drink this. Slowly,” he said and offered her a glass of water with a straw. He held it for her as she drank, and she was very grateful as the cool liquid run down her parched throat.

After finishing, she blinked twice and focused better on the man. “Paul?”

He smiled, and it was beautiful but small. A little pained, and were those tear-stains on his cheeks? “Yeah. How do you feel?”

She thought about it, brow furrowed. “Crappy. Everything hurts. What happened?”

He took her right hand in his. He was sitting on a chair next to the bed, but it wasn’t their bed. Too uncomfortable. Too white.

The hospital.

Something definitely happened.

Paul sighed. “There was an accident while you were crossing the street,” he says.

A flash of green and gray and white. A screech of tires. A kid. Adrenaline pumping through her veins, running, pushing, falling, pain.

She closed her eyes as the pain in her head spiked.

“You saved a little kid, but the car got you,” Paul said, and his smile is a tremulous thing. “You broke some bones, there was…” He shook his head. “Surgery went okay, but you now have lots of stitches.”

“Oh.”

They were silent for a moment, their hands warm entangled together. His thumb made little circling motions over her knuckles.

“I’m not sorry,” she said in the end. Her gaze was fierce as she looked at her husband. “I survived, but that kid wouldn’t have.”

Paul took their hands up to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “I know,” he said. “And the kid and her family are here, waiting to say thank you.”

That startled her. “Oh?”

“Mhm. She made you a lot of get well cards full of drawings,” he said and pointed towards the bedside table. She turned her head to look, and her eyes widened. “Her parents brought flowers. They are nice people.”

“Can I see her?”

“Not right now,” Paul said, and when she frowned he added, “Wait after the nurses and the doctor have seen you. I should have called them immediately after you woke up, but I know you. It was better than I explained everything before they descended on you.”

Four years she was married to this man. She had known him for six. And still, he never stopped surprising her in the best ways.

She smiled at him. “Thank you. Please, call them. I want to see that little girl sooner rather than later.”

He smiled back and stood. “Okay,” he said and kissed her brow. “See you soon. Love you.”

“Love you.”

[leviloviatar]

You literally understand these characters so much i love it. It’s by no means a matter of course esp with this crap show that butchers Arya and Gendry’s characters (and bran too :(() but what are your favourite character traits of Gendry? And in what ways are Robert and Gendry similar and different?

OK YOU GUYS I AM EXCITED

First of all anon thank you so much!!! Not only was I blessed with this amazing ask, but I also got this similar one:

You’re active again omg I love your blog and your gendrya posts :D so I wanted to ask in which ways Gendry and Robert are similar and in which ways are they different? I think he is kind of a mixture between Robert and Stannis

I don’t know what I did to deserve my asks to blessed with these amazing anons but I LOVE YOU and since you both just happened to ask me about one of my favorite subjects of all time…*cracks knuckles* 

Let’s talk about some burly, beautiful, Baratheon boys, shall we?

So the most glaringly obvious similarity between Gendry and Robert has got to be the “Baratheon Look,” right? GRRM takes great pains to remind us, time and time again, that Gendry looks like Robert. They both have the classic Baratheon features - tall with dreamy blue eyes, thick black hair, and very big muscles. 

*Its important to remember, that although when we first meet Robert Baratheon he’s gotten old and fat, back in his day he was a damn fine looking man.

Fifteen years past, when they had ridden forth to win a throne, the Lord of Storm’s End had been clean-shaven, clear-eyed, and muscled like a maiden’s fantasy. Six and a half feet tall, he towered over lesser men, and when he donned his armor and the great antlered helmet of his House, he became a veritable giant. He’d had a giant’s strength too, his weapon of choice a spiked iron warhammer that Ned could scarcely lift. In those days, the smell of leather and blood had clung to him like perfume.-AGOT, Eddard I

For reference as to how ripped Robert was, Ned Stark, who wields a two-handed broadsword (note: that’s really fucking heavy) can barely even lift the warhammer Robert is swinging around…Robert was ripped. 

Speaking of hammers, Gendry has literally grown up swinging a hammer (albeit around a forge) but remember when Tohbo Mott tells Ned that Gendry was made to swing a hammer? And since we now have show!Gendry swinging a warhammer, I have high hopes that book!Gendry will also follow in Robert’s footsteps as to his weapon of choice. In case all that hammer imagery doesn’t hit hard enough (pun intended and also I’m so sorry lol) GRRM is constantly reminding us that Gendry looks like Robert. I mean, when Ned first discovers Gendry, the reader is given the literary equivalent of a big blinking neon sign that says ‘hey look at this kid, he looks just like King Robert’ - 

The master called over a tall lad about Robb’s age, his arms and chest corded with muscle. “This is Lord Stark, the new Hand of the King,” he told him as the boy looked at Ned through sullen blue eyes and pushed back sweat-soaked hair with his fingers. Thick hair, shaggy and unkempt and black as ink. The shadow of a new beard darkened his jaw.-AGOT, Eddard VI

And just so we seriously don’t forget, there are plenty of reminders throughout the books that hey, this guy really looks like a Baratheon.  For example:

Strands of thick black hair, still wet from the bathhouse, fell across his deep blue eyes. - ACOK, Arya II

When she spied Gendry, his bare chest was slick with sweat, but the blue eyes under the heavy black hair had the stubborn look she remembered. -ACOK, Arya VIII

Remember when Brienne first sees Gendry, and for a second she thinks its Renly?  (AFFC, Brienne VII, I think?) Well, despite his inconsistent eye color…“Renly was handsome as Robert had been handsome; long of limb and broad of shoulder, with the same coal-black hair, fine and straight, the same deep blue eyes, the same easy smile.” (-ACOK, Catelyn II).

Another thing Gendry shares with Robert is a bit of that famous Baratheon temper. “Ours is the Fury” are the house words, after all. This is especially true of Robert, who is a bit infamous for his “fury,” and we see his temper quite often. For example:

“Gods,” the king swore, the word exploding out of him as if he could barely contain his fury. -AGOT, Eddard VIII

and with the king in such a black fury … -AGOT, Eddard VIII

Robert was in a fury, until he heard talk of some monstrous boar deeper in the forest. - AGOT, Eddard XII

Robert Baratheon’s fury had soured the ironmen’s taste for the new gods, it would seem. - ACOK, Theon I

This is also the man who, despite already having killed Rhaegar Targaryen, still dreams about killing him every single night of his life. Have you ever been so angry at something that after you’ve smashed it to bits, you still want to smash it? Robert Baratheon has. But for me, the very worst example of his temper that we see as readers is when he slaps Cersei, and then threatens to do it again (I feel like the fact that Robert feels guilty about this says a lot about his inability to control his temper, more on that in a sec). Point is, Robert has a bad temper. 

But we also see traces of this famous ‘Baratheon fury’ in Gendry. Although it mostly surfaces as his stubbornness (oh hi Stannis), we do get to see instances of Gendry’s temper getting the better of him (my personal favorite being the Peach, but also see jealous!Gendry). But the important thing is, that Gendry is able to control his temper much more effectively than Robert. This is most likely due to the fact that he has to. Robert is the king, he can do whatever he wants with no consequences. But Gendry? A lowborn bastard with no money or connections? Yeah, he can’t go around doing that. Losing his temper could also mean losing his life, no matter how strong he his, because of his position in society, which brings me to the most important part about these two which is their Big Differences: 

Robert is the legitimate son and heir of a wealthy and powerful noble family

Gendry is a very poor, lowborn bastard with no family

Robert was an infamous womanizer who fathered many bastard children

Gendry is a blushing virgin who only has eyes for Arya Stark and would literally never touch another woman ever fight me

I feel like Robert and Gendry are sort of like a case study in nurture vs. nature. Despite their many genetic similarities, their vastly different socioeconomic environments shaped them in very different ways. Robert grew up as the eldest son of a Great House - he lived in a castle, knowing that he would inherit that castle, and all the lands, titles, and privileges that come along with it; other lords owed him allegiance; he was wealthy, powerful, and on top of that, he was good at everything he did (much to the chagrin of his younger brother Stannis). He wasn’t just any lord, but the Lord of Storm’s End, a very important position in society, and then he went on to become the fucking King, arguably the most important person in society. So what does he do with all his money and power? 

Robert Baratheon had always been a man of huge appetites, a man who knew how to take his pleasures -AGOT, Eddard I.

And what does Robert have an appetite for? In his own words: “warring and whoring, that’s what I was made for.” - Robert to Ned, AGOT, Eddard VII. Drinking, fucking, fighting, that’s what he likes. (We could talk about how much of that is actually a coping mechanism but let’s save psychoanalyzing Robert’s actions for another, crazier post lol).

Gendry being both a lowborn and a bastard is crucial in shaping the man that he becomes. Gendry grew up in essentially the exact opposite circumstances that Robert did. Not only was he lowborn and extremely poor, but he had to live with the added stigma of being a bastard (and an ‘unrecognized’ bastard at that, which we see in ASOIAF is very different than being a ‘recognized’ bastard). As we know, being a bastard is something that Gendry is painfully aware of. (Unlike Robert, who doesn’t seem to give a single fuck how many bastards he leaves behind). Gendry hates the father he never knew. And on top of that, his opinion of Robert is pretty damn low as well…

“That old drunk?“ said Gendry scornfully. “He’s dead, some boar killed him, everyone knows that.” - ASOS, Arya II

I think the reason Gendry doesn’t have the inclination to abuse alcohol or women in the way Robert did because this is the world he was born and raised in. Gendry could never afford to be the womanizing drunk his father was.  Of course, I’m not saying that if Gendry had the same upbringing as Robert then he definitely would have turned out the same - maybe, maybe not. I’m merely saying that the possibility of becoming someone like that doesn’t exist for Gendry. This is someone at the very bottom of the social ladder, someone with no money to spend in taverns or brothels. Actually, even engaging in consensual sex would be pretty risky for Gendry, because it could lead to huge ramifications, for example, fathering a bastard he couldn’t afford to care for, or pissing off the wrong father or brother. Stepping out of line could literally mean his life, since someone like Gendry could be killed in the slums of Flea Bottom with literally no ramifications. 

To me, this is also what makes Acorn Hall such a big fucking deal - Gendry Waters pulling Arya Stark down to the floor and rolling around with her like that is BOLD AF and Gendry knows that. It’s one of the main reasons I squeal every time I read it. I really do think there’s a very Baratheon-like part of him that comes out, especially where she is concerned. Speaking of which, Gendry and Robert both have remarkably similar (excellent) taste in women - all those Arya/Lyanna parallels aren’t there for no reason!

Another interesting parallel between Robert and Gendry is their experiences with war. Robert loved war. I mean he really loved war. He was good at it. It made him feel exhilarated. And most importantly, the horrors of war didn’t really impact him because he was part of the aristocracy. Gendry’s journey, by stark contrast, has literally taken him through the devastating impacts of war on the common people. He has seen the worst of it - the myriad of ways that wars waged by the nobility literally destroys the people those lords are supposed to be protecting. In my opinion, these experiences are exactly what would make him a good king, not only better than Robert, but also better than Stannis or Renly, because Gendry understands on a very real level the suffering of the people. 

(Personally, I would love to have more about the young!Baratheons, like growing up at Storms End together, and see how their personalities developed into the men they became. If this is a fic, somebody link me!) 

Ok so I’m really gonna wrap this up now before it becomes so long that no one ever leaves me asks again, but remember what Donal Noye said about the Baratheon brothers?

“Robert was the true steel. Stannis is pure iron, black and hard and strong, yes, but brittle, the way iron gets. He’ll break before he bends. And Renly, that one, he’s copper, bright and shiny, pretty to look at but not worth all that much at the end of the day.”

Well, I know I’ve said this before but I think Gendry is Valyrian Steel. He was forged differently from the others, but because of that he is uncommonly strong, sharp, and exceptionally valuable.

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @maelaminrosewood!

Dearest maelaminrosewood,

I hope you enjoyed this little snippet based on your suggestions - I loved writing it, always wanted to put Alec and Magnus in Hogwarts!

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas day, and this is just the first of many gifts you receieve.

With love,          Your Secret Santa x

Read on AO3

*****

we were dreamers not so long ago    

     -one-  

Love at first sight is a strange concept. The idea that you can be so attracted to someone from the moment you lay eyes on them, that you’re instantly attracted to them is – in some ways – a verb peculiar concept. One, Alec definitely did not believe in.

When he caught sight of Magnus Bane, however, all logic went out the window. His black hair spiked up, and his eyes glittered with a shadow, his face itself carved from the Gods and he somehow made their plain Hogwarts robes a piece of high fashion. His eyes sparkled with mischief, his smile lit up the entire room and all Alec wanted to do was be the cause of it.

He watched him walk into his potions classroom, arms laden high with books and then… trip. Magnus fell to the floor and his books sprawled spread-eagle across the classroom. Since Alec was the only other person in the room – after a few moments psyching himself up to it – he ran across the room to help him.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” He crouched down next to Magnus’ body, gently holding his shoulder as he sat up.

“I-I think so.” Magnus was bright red, and was leaning heavily against Alec. He looked up at him and his eyes widened more, cheeks going an impossibly darker shade of red. “Sorry you had to see that, this is not usually how I like to meet cute boys.”

Alec blushed, and once ensuring Magnus was leaning against a chair, began gathering his books up before placing them on the desk next to his own.

“It’s okay. It happens to us all.” He went back over to Magnus and taking his hands, began to help him stand up.

Magnus groaned at the change of position and mumbled, “It doesn’t happen to Magnus Bane.”

Alec smiled softly, “I, erm, put your books next to mine. I thought you could make up me having to see your tragic fall by sitting with me this year.”

Magnus grinned and pretended to think it over. “Hmm… I guess I will have to concede and sit next to my knight in shining armour. I gift thee only…” He leant up and gently kissed Alec’s cheek, “a token of my appreciation. That and I hope my hero wouldn’t mind joining me in an excursion to Hogsmeade tomorrow night…?”

Alec smiled and blushed, looking down and pinching himself lightly to make sure this was actually happening. He looked up at Magnus and nodded shyly.

“Excellent.” Magnus said, smiling brightly before turning and sitting in his seat as other students started coming in.

     -two-  

The hall was set up with house banners hanging jubilantly from the ceiling, a shimmering dome surrounding the centre of the room. The class gathered, eager for some action, as a lean man with shimmering blue eyes stepped forward.

“Now, Duelling Class – an essential lesson in the skills a young witch or wizard might need when encountering danger.” Professor Woodrow said with a flourish of his wand, “I’d like each of you to pair up with someone you haven’t really work with before, I don’t want anyone going easy on each other.”

Excited murmuring broke out across the hall as students began to pair off with people and find a space. Alec paired up with an excitable Hufflepuff, Samson, he thought their name was. He watched Magnus be approached by Camille, the raging psychopath in the school – who conveniently had also had her eye on Magnus for months.

“-and that expelliarmus can be used to disarm and to attack?” Samson’s voice broke through Alec’s thoughts and he blinked quickly, turning towards him with a blank stare.

“What?”

Samson’s face fell as he realised Alec hadn’t been listening. Alec rolled his eyes and turned back to the teacher.

“So, I want you all to practise disarming and stunning your opponent – in a duel, there is no mercy and no hesitation. If you falter, if you break – you die.”

Alec scoffed, and turned again to look at Magnus and Camille. They were stood opposite each other, Magnus in a stance fit for duelling and Camille, in her short skirt and tight top, twirling her wand and smiling mischievously at her opponent. When Magnus fired a spell, she didn’t even raise her wand and let it hit her, falling back dramatically in a squeal.

“Oh my god, Camille!” Magnus ran over and crouched by her side, “I’m so sorry, I thought you were ready.” He started helping her up, Camille wrapping her arms fully around him – like an octopus, Alec thought – and let herself be lifted off the ground before stumbling into Magnus further.

“Oops. Ah, I’m so clumsy today.”

Magnus smiled kindly, albeit uncomfortably, “It’s okay. Are you ready now?”

Camille nodded, untangling one arm from around Magnus but leaving the other to keep him in place. “Could you show me how to do a defensive spell? I feel I must be awful at it if that’s how my last one went.”

Alec scoffed, turning back to Samson who had just dropped his wand on the floor.

“Right, Samson – are you ready?”

Samson looked up with a frown, “it’s Simon, and just one minute I think I broke my glasses.”

Alec winced, “Right, sorry.”

He turned back to see Magnus performing a protego spell with Camille’s hand wrapped around his arm, he frowned feeling the familiar pull of jealousy and under his breath murmured an expelliarmus spell.

Camille’s wand was flung out of her hand, breaking both her and Magnus from her task. She looked around aimlessly, whilst Magnus looked curiously in Alec’s direction. And Alec had to try and restrain his smile as Camille searched for her wand and fired another spell tying her legs together, having to physically turn away and hide behind a pole as she fell in a pterodactyl-like scream.

“Camille, get up and stop being so dramatic. We’re duelling, you had to expect to fall at some point.”

Camille glared icily at Professor Woodrow as she got up, brushing off her skirt and tossing her hair over her shoulder with a huff, storming out of the room. Alec was shocked out of his silent laughter at the sound of a cough next to him. Turning, he saw Magnus leaning against the pole facing him with stern eyes yet a slight smirk on his face.

“You need to learn some manners.”

“Camille needs to learn to keep her hands to herself.” Alec mumbled grumpily.

Magnus barked out a laugh, “Camille is only a friend.” His grin only grew at Alec’s continued grumbling and reaching out, he took Alec’s hand intertwining their fingers tightly, placing a gentle kiss on the knuckles. Moving to rest his chin on Alec’s shoulder, he gazed up at him with an insatiable grin. “And I happen to be rather fond of you, so stop complaining.”

Alec’s blush lasted throughout the day, and so did Magnus’ smile.

     -three-  

The dark corridor echoed with the sounds of desperate kisses. Alec had Magnus against an alcove, cradling his face in his hands and kissing him passionately.

“Come back to my dorm room,” he breathed, pulling Magnus forward. Magnus giggled and followed him, eyes closed and a dopey smile on his face.

As they turned corners, one or the other would somehow end up pinned against a wall as they kissed, unable to cope being apart from each other for more than a few seconds. As they neared the moving staircases, Alec had Magnus held tightly in his arms kissing his way down his neck, sucking harshly determined to leave a mark. Magnus moaned and rutted up against Alec, who groaned lowly redoubling his effort and grinding heedlessly against his boyfriend.

“M-Magnus,” he panted out, swollen lips forming an ‘O’ as he neared his peak. Magnus was mewling helplessly, feet off the floor as Alec was holding him up against the wall, hands clenching in Alec’s hair.

“D-d-don’t stop, ohh, Alexander… please.”

Alec moaned at Magnus begging, hiking him up further and moving back to his lips. “I won’t, baby. I’ve got you.”

They kissed again, breathing each other in as their embrace tightened like a string. They looked from outsider’s perspective like one being, moving and breathing together: so closely intertwined amongst the disgruntled robes and static hair.

“Who’s there? Do you know what time it is?”

The pair broke away violently, Alec propelling himself back with stained cheeks and wide eyes. At the end of the corridor they could see wand light moving closer and the pair ran for the staircases, getting out of sight as soon as possible. As they reached the Gryffindor common room, all romantic and sexual tension had vanished as Alec was stoically stood as far from Magnus as he could.

“Thank god,” he panted “Well, I guess you should go to bed.”

Magnus frowned, “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“After what just happened? Magnus, someone could have seen us together. How could you be so careless?”

“Me? Alec, I-I didn’t know there was going to be a teacher.”

“I know,” Alec sighed, “I’m sorry that was just too close… Let’s just go to bed, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Magnus, who had by now curled into himself just nodded. Alec sighed and glanced around quickly, placed an awkward hand on his shoulder and jerkily moved it to his cheek. He patted it a few times before turning and going inside the common room. The painting shut quietly behind him and Magnus, with eyes still downcast, reached up a hand to stroke where Alec’s had been previously. He sighed and turned away from the common room, away from Alec and made his way back to his own bed.

     -four-  

In a candle-lit common room with a crackling fire, Magnus and Alec sat curled together – an unintelligible mess of human limbs. Alec sat with a hand tangled in Magnus’ hair, “…and then Jace added batwings, and-” he laughed, “you should have seen it. The look on Professor Hudson’s face-”

“Are you ashamed of me?” Magnus suddenly asked.

Alec recoiled in shock, “What?” he exclaimed, “No. Why would you…”

“I can’t think of another explanation.”

Alec sighed, “Don’t be stupid, Magnus.”

Magnus scoffed, “Stupid? Because that’s all I am, right? A stupid Ravenclaw. Oh, won’t that make everyone laugh!” He turned away quickly – untangling himself, breath coming out in rapid pants.

Alec frowned and stood up, “Hey,” he asked softly, “What’s going on?”

Magnus laughed sharply, there was something cold and unfeeling about it. “What’s going on?” he mocked, “I am nothing to you – No!” he cut Alec off as he tried to interrupt. “No, I am… am a companion. Nothing more. Someone, something trapped by- Every day the same, I walk these halls and I think to myself how did I get here. How did I get here without my boyfriend.”

“Shhh,” Alec frantically looked around, “Magnus, I-”

Magnus stood and threw his hands up in the air, shocked disbelief plastered to his face. “You see!” He pointed at Alec aggressively, “Alexander, you may still be deep, deep within that closet of yours but I am not. And I will not be pushed back in, so you can keep up whatever you call this, this… charade! This explosive secret of ours.”

“It isn’t- It isn’t a secret, don’t call it that.”

“What would you call it then? Because if you think that this is a relationship, then you and I have very different ideas of what it is to love someone.”

Alec paled, “Magnus-”

“No, you can grovel – you can scream and shout, and you can beg but it won’t change it. You can plead out ‘Magnus’ as many times as you want with your perfect eyes and it won’t change this. This… toxic and painful…” Magnus sighed at Alec’s expression, “at times beautiful, and at times heart-breaking chemical imbalance that is you and I.”

Alec spluttered, “Chemical imbalance?”

“Yes, Alexander – we’re fucking dynamite and I’m not waiting for us to implode.”

Alec shook his head, his hand reaching out to the miles of space and time now between them. “Magnus…”

Magnus’ lower lip trembled and with his breath catching, turned away from Alec - away from everything he once knew, once loved, once lived for – and fled from the room.

     -five-  

“Magnus, I just don’t understand.” Catarina said, reaching out to stop her friend as they made their way around the lake. “You seemed so happy with him, I know you loved him – love him.”

Magnus shook his head, “I seemed? I seemed?” He lowered his voice and turned towards the lake as he spotted groups of students under trees – noticeably the Lightwoods, and begun to walk in the opposite direction. Linking arms with Catarina he continued, “I don’t know, Catarina. Maybe I was happy, for a fleeting moment… but then reality struck hard and it struck true. I couldn’t keep living my life with someone who was embarrassed to be with me.”

“Magnus,” Catarina started cautiously, “you know it’s not that…”

Magnus turned sharply, “Isn’t it? I sat with him, I walked with him, read with him, listened to him, learned with him, I laughed, I cried, I loved – for, for nothing. For someone who spent half his time without me, and even the time with me was calculated and undecided just in case someone saw!” His voice cracking as he carried on, not noticing that the eldest Lightwood had arisen and was determinedly making his way over. “And if not that then what is it? Is… is it me? Am I not enough? Is my being there for him not enough? I-I…” his voice broke and he looked down sadly, “I love him, Cat, and I can’t stand not being enough for him-”

“That’s not true!”

Magnus stiffened before speeding up.

“Shit. Magnus, Magnus – wait!” The sound of hurried footsteps and then a hand grabbing his arm, delicately but with so much force and intention behind it, jolted Magnus out of his rush to get away and he was turned to face his ex. He let out a gasp upon seeing him: his hazel eyes were red rimmed, and the underneath stained a magnificent purple, his whole demeanour screamed exhaustion – his hunched shoulders and drooping head, and yet the determination was clear. Magnus tried to take a step back, overcome by the intensity of the stare but Alec’s arm tightened over his stopping his movement. Alec stepped forward, his forehead resting on Magnus’ and his other arm coming up to rest on the other side of Magnus.

“It…” he whispered, eyes swimming with emotion, “it wasn’t for nothing.”

Magnus shook his head, looking at Alec with his mouth downturned, “Christ, Alec, it felt that way. We felt like this disjointed mess and all I know is I loved you and that wasn’t enough.”

Alec desperately grasped at Magnus, “No, no! It was. It was everything. You were, are everything.”

Magnus shook his head, “Alec…” He placed a shaking hand on Alec’s chest, “I-I… we…” He looked up at him, eyes sad and took a deep breath, “…weren’t working.”

Alec hesitated, “weren’t we? Magnus…” he pushed closer, so they were now joined everywhere, barely a breath between them. “If we weren’t, it was my fault… I was afraid. To let my parents down-” Magnus scoffed and tried to pull away but Alec only held him tighter. “Listen. I was embarrassed, and I was selfish. Maybe I still am-” Magnus tried to pull away again, but Alec gripped him painfully tight. “Maybe I still am selfish because… my life- my life without you… it isn’t worth it. Life without you is dull and empty and so fucking quiet. And I can’t-” His voice broke, “I can’t live without you.”

“If-If you think that will just sort everything…”

“No, no… but I’m hoping this will.”

Alec kissed him passionately, desperately, with everything he had – in front of everyone. The eyes that had watched their exchange widened at the braise action and yet their thoughts, opinions fell away. Magnus felt breathless, electric – he felt so alive. Like everything, every moment and every particle were coming together at the speed of light – breaking the sound barrier, breaking down time and space for this moment. This little pocket of happiness, of heaven.

The kiss lasted merely moments, but each second stretched a mile long and filled to the brim. As it broke, only pants were heard by the two involved, but the mumbling of classmates echoed amongst everyone else.

Magnus chuckled breathlessly in disbelief, “You just kissed me… In front of everyone…” he whispered, and Alec’s face broke out in a wide grin as he joined Magnus’ laughter.

“I suppose I did.” He leaned in, brushing his nose gently against Magnus’, “do you believe me now?”

Magnus considered it for a moment before pulling away and looking at their entourage, “We still have a lot to talk about” he reprimanded gently, sliding his arms up and around Alec’s neck, “But I might be up for some more convincing.”

Alec grinned and quickly pecked Magnus’ lips, resting his forehead gently on his before leaning back and cheering to the sky. Magnus laughed happily and easily excepted the many kisses Alec then went on to plant.

     -and one-  

“Shhh. Be careful, Alexander!”

Alec stumbled through the door into the common room laughing loudly, carrying Magnus in his arms.

“I would be if you didn’t weigh so mu-” he was interrupted by Magnus’ gasp.

“How dare you! To think I took you back, you ungrateful Gryffindor.” He pouted, trying to lean away from his previous spot in Alec’s neck. Alec followed him, tightening his arms and kissing him soundly.

“You took me back because you love me,” he murmured against Magnus’ lips, “And. Because. I. love. You.” He punctuated each word with kisses, moving to kiss all over Magnus’ face before beginning to trail down his neck.

Magnus giggled and gazed at Alec, a searching hand reaching out to stroke through his hair. Alec lifted his face away from Magnus’ neck to look at him, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I wasn’t wrong before, you know.” Magnus whispered into the silence, his eyes searching and gleaming with an entrancing cocktail of emotions, “I-” his voice cracked slightly from the weight of his emotions and he squeezed his eyes shut. Alec’s arms tightened around Magnus’ legs and he brushed a gentle kiss to his shoulder, head tilted as he tried to capture Magnus’ attention.

“Enlighten me,” he said deafeningly in the quiet, “you’re usually right.” His eyes lighting up as Magnus laughed and opened his eyes.

“You and I…” he said, “we’re dynamite. An implosion, explosion – the greatest goddamn collision this universe has ever seen…” His eyes bore into Alec, determination reflecting confusion and he leaned in, across a minefield, closer, “A love like ours could burn down a city.” His breath exhaled in a quiet, relieved laugh as he shook his head, “but I have no choice.”

Alec echoed his relief-filled breath, a small smile blooming across his face.

“Neither do I,” he whispered.

[singingpeople]

Undoing

Chapter 6

‘You make me feel so weak.

I bet you kiss your knuckles

Right before they touch my cheek.’

*Trigger warning*

@beautifulramblingbrains  @pathybo  @jojuarez26  @iammarylastar  @tigpooh67

@bookwarm85  @lets-play-truth-or-dare  @deepfrz  @carefultheyspit  @vitaevandal  @mom2reesie  @kellieabro @lauraaan182  @readsalot73  @beltz2016  @you-wont-let-me-let-you-go @frecklefaceb @tomarisela 

 He did not hit me again in the week following the ceremony, giving my back the time to heal over. Finally, the scab didn’t split open anymore, staining the bandages I carefully applied with blood but even though the pain lessened I felt not better. Not just because the nausea and the dizzy spells got worse but because I felt like a prisoner in a house I shouldn't even be in, to begin with.

While the other girls had moved into a house of their own, sharing it with a girl from last year’s initiation I was hidden away in my bedroom whenever I didn’t have to perform various tasks that became sheer agony with the lack of sleep I suffered, wary of every creaking of the house and what it could mean for me. What terrors waited, hidden in the shadows just waiting to strike.

As a child, I had been terrified of the monsters in my closet, which I would have never admitted it, even back then. But just thinking about their grimaces and long bony fingers spiked with claws had my blood run cold and every trace of sleep vanishing. Of course, my parents noticed, how could they not when I was falling asleep over my porridge but nothing they tried worked. Nothing worked at all until Aiden sneaked into my room one night, pretended to fight the demons of while I had the blanket pulled up to my chin, torn between being terrified of him getting hurt and the urge to giggle when I saw my brother fight my hanger full of clothes with a wooden knife.

After he conquered my demons Aiden slipped under the covers and laid with me until I fell asleep with a smile on my face while he was boasting about his skills and how he´d someday become a leader, which really only was a matter of time.

Curled up beneath the thin grey blanket to protect my greatest treasure if he should come, I wished Aiden was here again, to fight off my demons because I just wasn't strong enough, not thinking clearly enough to admit to myself that Max had sent me on a suicide mission, to sacrifice myself for the good of the city, leaving me in the wake of a monster with no means to protect myself. Because monsters, I had learned, don´t hide in closets but in the people wandering among us while only the closest to them will ever see the full capacity of their depravity. And I had front-row seats to the freak show that was Marcus Eaton.

 Studying the techniques of psychological warfare from an early age on because it had been one of my father´s favorite subjects, I knew what he was doing, startling me with noiseless approaches until he could leer over my shoulder when I was standing at the sink, the difference to his thundering footsteps landing on each step of the stairs while I lay in bed, anxiety all-consuming, was so distinct it couldn't have been anything but purposeful. In fact, Marcus Eaton never made an uncalculated movement which only made his loss of control on the dreaded night so much more terrifying looking back.

 I also knew for a fact that he speculated on me messing up, wearing me down to leer at me, just waiting for a small mistake to slip through under his watchful eyes. As soon as it happened he would straighten himself up to his full height, his eyes holding that malicious glint I´ve learned to fear not only subconsciously but to the core of my being. Swallowing down my pride, I would avert my eyes to not egg him on further and wait in tense agony for him to make up his mind on an appropriate punishment.

For burning breakfast, he let me off with a lecture about not being so stupid to waste food and a disapproving stare that bordered on disappointment, which only managed to confuse me more. In his eyes, I was nothing more than a lowly girl from dauntless that had been stupid enough to walk right into his trap so what was there to disappoint?

Not much, obviously.

 For spilling a glass of juice onto his shirt though, when he once again crept up and startled me, he grabbed me by the nape of my neck and dragged me into the bathroom, pushing me down to my knees when I struggled to escape his grip, terrified what he was up to now, my survival instinct seeping through.

But instead of getting another beating, he watched me with hawk-eyes scrub the whole floor on my knees that were bruised and red by the time I was done, just in time to accompany him to the meeting of the council where they talked stuff that, for me, made no sense at all.

Yes, the last few weeks have been anything but easy and that’s why I was so thankful for the short disruption to that routine the few trips to amity gave me.

 Hoarded on the back of their pick-up trucks a selected group of abnegation, I included, were responsible for helping out with the apple harvest that started early this year after an especially mild winter. I knew, my selection had urged Marcus to no end but since most of the faction was divided into different groups that alternated between Amity, the factionless sector and helping out at abnegation itself, only the council members staying back to muse about government stuff that was so boring it would kill me someday – if Marcus didn't beat it to the punch. Pun only half-intended.

 Letting out a quiet sigh, I wished I could release my hair from my bun and feel the wind rake through it, finally getting a slight feeling of freedom back as I watched the trees passing by, the long green grass swaying slightly in the light breeze. I wondered, how many animals were hiding behind it, imagined how peaceful it must be: A doe and her fawn, a family of rabbits beneath the earth. Birds nesting in the trees quite a bit away, a mouse rushing through the undergrowth, searching for food to give to her newborns.

The image made me smile, careful, for the first time in weeks as I unsuspiciously placed a hand on my stomach where my child was growing.

This was what he or she deserved, wide fields to play and laugh freely in, a faction that functioned like a huge family. Looking at amity through Eric´s eyes I had only ever seen fools and idiots, living in sheds and singing at bonfires but when I had first jumped from the truck three days ago and taken the busy still friendly atmosphere in, I instantly knew that his sarcastic, or more cynical assessment had been wrong – or at least exaggerated.

To be honest, observing the members I could very well imagine that a lot of brilliant heads had deflected here just to elude our achievement-orientated society and for the first time in my life, I asked myself why I had let my sense of loyalty get the best of me and didn’t even think about coming here. What could be better than a little manual labor, fresh air and a lot of drugs?

Right now, I couldn’t imagine anything that sounded more heavenly.

 Like the other days, once I had grabbed one of the baskets and eaten a small breakfast the amity provided for us in exchange for our labor, Benjamin and I made our way to the orchards, today it was the oranges that were being harvested. At first, when he had sat down beside me, excitedly chattering about his former faction and how happy he was to go back, I hadn’t been able to decide if he would be a welcome distraction or a gruesome pain in my ass. Turns out he somehow managed to be both.

 “Come on, don´t take me for a fool!” I called down from the branch I was sitting on, feet swinging idly, a smile stretching up the corners of my mouth as I munched on a piece of orange, reveling on the explosion of sweetness I have craved so hard the last few weeks. “I really don´t believe that you have some kind of fertility rite where you paint on naked woman with your fingers!”

 “Believe me, we do!” Benjamin exclaimed loudly, barely catching the orange I threw at him. His sleeves were folded up, revealing upper-arm muscles some of the members back at dauntless would have killed for. “It´s insanely hot but it also sucks because all those girls are already taken.” He scrunched up his nose, looking genuinely distraught which only made me laugh harder. It was as if the belt with weights had been removed as soon as we arrived here – making room for an indescribable feeling of joy.

 “Shut up, you! And start picking oranges, we´re behind already!” A branch with several leaves I had thrown hit him right on the head and Benjamin turned to me with a mock-scowl on his face. I was almost one-hundred percent sure he had never glared at anyone, ever.

 “You do realize that we wouldn’t be reprimanded even if we brought like… five apples a day?” When I raised my eyebrows, he nodded wisely. “The people here are like that: kind. Amity is basically one big family, it´s awesome.”

 “Then why didn’t you stay here?” I blurted out before I could stop myself, instantly going to backtrack when the smile on his face fell. For the first time, I got to see something different than happy Benjamin. "I´m sorry, you don´t have to answer if you don´t want."

 Shaking his head, his lips curled up into a sad smile. “All happiness in the world isn’t enough when the girl you love wants to marry your best friend. It was better to leave than to stay and watch them become a happy family.”

 “You were a couple?” I asked carefully, his solemn nod answer enough.

 “For three years.”

 “That sucks.” Scrunching up my face, I fiddled with the orange in my hands.

 “It was the same for you, was it not?” His question surprised me and it took me a moment of staring at him before I could answer.

 “Not really… I was quite happy in my relationship, even though no one knew of it. But something about dauntless just wasn’t quite right for me.” I added hurriedly, lying through my teeth. If Max and Jeanine wouldn’t have plunged me into this hell hole, I´d be first in initiation… or not.

Suddenly, I realized that dauntless initiation with all its fights and drinking would have pure poison for my unborn child and now, I had no idea what to make of it. What would my mother say? Or Eric? What would he have done if he found out I was going through initiation pregnant?

Most likely, pulled me out because of special circumstances because I can´t believe for all that it´s worth that they would send a pregnant initiate to be factionless – nevertheless one with a leader baby.

Marriage would have been one way, not just because it was something like an unwritten law for every leader that strived for greatness.

Or maybe, some kind of accelerated course that was focused on the ideals of our faction more than on the physical aspects of it, replacing them with harmless activities. I truly didn’t know.

 The bell chiming through the hot summer air alerted all pickers in the orchard rows that it was time for a break and I let myself glide from the branch, lessening the impact of my feet hitting the ground by landing on the ball of my foot. While I was lost in thought, Benjamin still chatting animatedly beside me we made our way to the dome where we would get lunch. I was so used to his voice being in the background that his sudden silence alerted me that something was wrong.

 Benjamin had fallen back a few steps, his gaze trained on something, or rather someone several feet away and when I followed his gaze I knew why he had stopped. A petite girl with blonde, willowing hair was conversing someone who looked awfully like Benjamin himself. He obviously forgot to mention that the guy his girlfriend left him for wasn't just his best friend but his twin.

Free love, indeed.

 As if they felt his stare both looked up at the same time, face turning alert while I turned to Benjamin whose expression was obvious: he wanted to be anywhere but here.

Especially when the two of them suddenly started walking towards him, a shaky smile spreading over her face while he looked cautious, trying to anchor her to him

If you took a closer look, it seemed as if his nose had been broken not too long ago and I asked myself if Benjamin really had it in him to punch his own brother. From his twin’s expression, slight defiance that reeked of fear, he did.

 Taking a few steps closer, I wanted to hear what they were saying and to be able to quickly intervene if something should go wrong. Mostly though I was being nosy, something I had dearly missed being cooped up in a house all day with no company but myself.

Wringing her hands, the girl stepped closer, a guilty look on her face that she tried to cover with a shaky smile.

“Benjamin, how are you?”

 Her voice spoke was candor but the sheer fact that Benjamin´s twin brother was looming behind her undid her pitiful attempts at polite conversation. Judging from his expression, Benjamin felt the same way.

 “I´m fine, Abbey.” A curt reply spoked without much emotion with no inclination that he wanted to linger here, talking to either of them and I felt him, I really did. If this was Eric and the woman he decided to spend the night with like he had told me at that meeting a small eternity ago, neither of them would be as well off as those two were.

Even though I didn't take Benjamin for someone overly violent, the opposite really, I stayed alert. If it somehow came to a brawl between a new abnegation and an Amity member, the news would spread over the city like wildfire and Marcus would somehow find an argument why it had been my fault. Ready to intervene, I watched the girl recoil slightly, no doubt not used to this side of Benjamin.

 “That´s great! Yeah… great.” Scrunching up her face, Abbey´s expression was caught between confusion and awkwardness but judging from the determination hushing over her face, she decided to grow a pair and spit out what had been bothering her. “Listen, we” She gestured to the boy behind her, “wanted to talk to you about what happened before the ceremony. We´re sorry about the way it happened but we just couldn’t help ourselves.”

When Benjamin started laughing somewhat bitter, Abbey threw a helpless glance over her shoulder towards his twin who just shrugged his shoulders. His expression was so entirely un-amity that I asked myself what Benjamin had done to him other than breaking his nose.

 “Oh, you mean the fact that I found you in my twins bed right after we talked about our future together? Not a big deal.” Benjamin snorted, averting his eyes to the sky, teeth clenched. When he looked back at them there was no trace left of hurting feelings, only a blank stare. “Tommy here always had been envious of things belonging to me. I guess you were no different.”

 Pure rage flashed over Tommy´s face as he pushed Abbey behind him and took a threatening step forward, snarling into his brother´s face.

“Watch it!”

 When Benjamin made a move forward I decided it was time to intercept them because their dispute was starting to draw attention. And for only being a member of a few weeks this was in no way a good sign. Gathering my skirt in one hand, I narrowly avoided a puddle of mud the horse carriage had left behind in the moist soil.

 “Benji! There you are!” I exclaimed loudly, hurrying over towards him. Benjamin wasn’t the only one my yelling had alerted, a few older members shot me reprimanding glances that I deliberately ignored, coming to face him with a fond smile. “The others are already waiting for us.” I linked my arm under his, pretending to only now see the other two standing in front of us. “Oh, who´s that?”

 “My brother and his girlfriend.” If Benjamin was surprised by my sudden appearance he didn’t let it show, instead of turning to look at me, his eyebrow raised a fraction.  

 “Well, it was nice meeting you but we have to get going.” Without looking at either of them, I tightened my grip on his arms and started to pull him away. Benjamin relented without any resistance much to my advantage. When we were a few feet away from them, I glanced up at him and raised my eyebrow.

“If he had punched you I´d have to kick his ass and we both know not even I can get away with beating up two guys in less than a month.”

 It made him laugh but it was only meant to be half-humorous since every time I thought about that night I felt the impact of the belt on my back, the metal buckle cutting through flesh.

Those past days at amity had almost been healing, freeing really. Without his constant supervision, feeling him breathing down my neck, I almost felt normal again. As if the reality back at abnegation was just a bad dream I would wake up from soon, finding myself back in my own bed with my mother making pancakes every Sunday.

 But I knew, of course I knew, that this peaceful break was just that – only temporary. So when we went back to harvesting from a lunch that consisted of sweet fruit and bread that hadn’t been infused with the peace serum, I let my hair fall free from the headache-inducing bun and climbed back onto a tree, alternating between throwing oranges at Benjamin to catch them and putting them into the bucket.

As the wind blew through the orchard I closed my eyes and reveled in the feeling of it waving through my open hair, a fresh breeze in the stale summer air.

This was what freedom felt like, concealed by colorful, flowing clothes, green scenery and the prejudices of others. Amity was so completely different from all that I had always imagined it to be.

It was beautiful.

It was tranquil.

 A heaven in hiding.

An old saying from way before the great war says time is supposed to heal all wounds, but the only thing it ever does to manage is to make everything worse. When I had time back home, I liked to read about unnecessary health facts from before the war, when diseases couldn’t be healed by serums and minds that were poisoned by fear could not yet be trained through our simulations.

Dauntless was built on the argumentation that fear and any kind of angst were the enemy even though it had been proven erudite-like minds that the alertness and the ability to assess situations as well as remember them as being dangerous paired with the skill of adaptation were the main reason the human species survived – and thrived, over thousands of years.

So, what if fear became the enemy? Not like here in dauntless were you had to handle your biggest fears like a piece of cake while also simultaneously keeping them as your biggest secret to not give others leverage over you. But in the sense that suddenly everything, even the smallest task like getting out of bed was anxiety-inducing enough to get your heartbeat spiking, your breathing accelerating as if you just conquered a long flight of stairs.

I´ve read that it took over eight years to properly recognize and diagnose one of these panic disorders, even though it was easier to treat the earlier it was found, the less severe the case was, like with most causes really.

 Another disease that was vital to detect early was cancer, the abnormal growth of one or more cells that had mutated, basically turning off the self-destruction mechanism that was responsible for the controlled destruction of a cell once it had reached its maximum count of cell divisions it could reach, the polymer ends at the DNA strands too short that it could be divided again. That apoptosis, how that controlled suicide of cells is called, forms not only our body´s from the moment on that we are conceived but by eliminating mutated ones it makes sure our body can function the way we need it to, to survive.

Mistakes in that process were proven to cause many diseases, the most prominent one being… well, cancer.

Sometimes just a benign cluster of cells that our immune system works hard to dissolve, most of the time undetected even by the person that was affected but sometimes so aggressive it spreads through the whole body in a few months, poisoning the organs by making them incapable of implementing their tasks that were all focused on one thing: keeping us alive.

 Marcus was that cancer, invading even the deepest layers of my mind and from the moment I first set foot into his house, fear became essential for survival.

 The weeks following the end of the harvest in amity were also the last ones in the three-month period of dauntless´ initiation, indicating that my time was running out faster than I could comprehend. Max had given me until initiation day until they would intervene for a much too high price.

Yes, living with Marcus was hell but the others I had met so far did not in the least deserve to die for their hunger of power, the greed to have the city in their own hands instead of letting Abnegation lead all-consuming.

I did my best to gather inside information about the faction: How many members there were, the stock of supplies and any discrepancies at inventory; the number of factionless that were being fed, as well as keeping an ear out for any kind of story that could discredit the leaders.

I knew that I, myself, had the most impactful story to tell but selfishly, I wouldn’t.

Not ever.

Because if I somehow managed to get back to dauntless, like Max had promised to me, the story would ruin not only my life but also the life of my unborn child. There was a reason no one knew anything about Four and his background. He knew too that if the depravity of his situation ever was portrayed in broad daylight, his reputation as the fearless dauntless prodigy would be gone forever.

 Was it selfish to keep a scandal to myself that could kill half of the faction?

Definitely; more than I could ever comprehend.

Would that fact change my mind?

No.

 Every time these thoughts grazed my consciousness, I started to feel guilty and it was this guilt that helped me to be braver, more determined, to save the lives of the abnegation – and that of my son. But pride always comes before the fall.

 Marcus was gone for the day, busy with a prolonged meeting the Dauntless had called to discuss the possibilities of herding the factionless together into some sort of ghetto. I wasn't sure if the proposal was real or if Max just tried to give me an opportunity to break into Marcus´ office and get what I needed for him, but whatever it was, it had the desired effect. A politic outcry went through all of amity and abnegation, voices getting loud that they couldn't treat human beings like animals and lock them in an abandoned part of the city and like always, candor would have to mediate between them and erudite that were on the same side as dauntless, thinking of them as less than dirt on their feet.

 The last few days had been hard on me. With the approaching end of the fourth month along in my pregnancy, that was slowly but surely starting to show, only concealed by the baggy clothes, the nausea had luckily subsided but it only made space for exhaustion that crept into my bones after long hours of demanding work. I had helped cleaning the house of an older member in the morning, rushed home to eat something and then scrubbed clothes the entire afternoon. Never had I missed a laundry machine more than in this moment, my hands chapped and nails almost non-existent. The pile of dirty clothes had been so tremendous that I was running out of time when the women finally let me go. The meeting was scheduled to last until six pm, the spartan clock in the kitchen showing that I only had an hour left to search through his stuff and get dinner ready.

 Like every time, I stepped through the front door, I felt something deep inside me tense, my ears straining for any kind of sound that meant he was back early, working or just sitting on the uncomfortable sofa in the living room, skimming through the latest news. When everything stayed quiet, no creaking of furniture or insults thrown at me to get going, I exhaled and pulled off my cardigan, hanging it on the rack that was empty – another sign that Marcus was still gone. Still, I checked every room in the house and peered through the window before committing the most daunting task in my life – breaking into Marcus Eaton´s bedroom.

 The door was at the end of the hallway, the farthest one from the staircase which provided him with privacy I could only dream of. The door was grey, like all of them, identical, and still it provoked a fear so deep inside me, I had to lay my hand over the dress covering my slightly protruding stomach to reassure myself that everything was alright. That this door wasn’t the portal to hell – even if the devil may live behind it.

 My hand on the doorknob, I hesitated for a long moment, everything inside me screaming to don´t do it - but I had to. Holding my breath, I pushed down and forwards, the door opening with a creak that had all my hairs stand on end, waiting for something, anything to happen.

Everything was quiet.

Hauntingly quiet.

 In Dauntless, I had never known such tense silence that threatened to suffocate you, just laughter, drunken rambling and grunting that could mean one of two things but never anything like this.

It took all my willpower to unfreeze my limbs, to get my feet to step over the threshold despite the nauseating fear raking through my stomach but I closed my eyes and challenged my inner defiance. Even after getting beaten like that, I refused to let some three months of living under the same roof as my tormentor change the innermost of my personality – my defiance.

 Taking the room in, I almost laughed out loud at myself, a bitter, condescending laugh. How could a small chamber that was filled with only a spartan double bed and a single drawer adorned with a grey lamp awake such fear inside someone else?

It was ridiculous.

 Knowing that no harm would come to me through the hands of the room itself, I got to work, checking beneath the bed for any sort of box but all I found were a few old newspaper clippings that documented Marcus raise to power and an old lock of brown hair I couldn’t make anything off. Keeping the drawers for last, I felt around the floor and even the walls to see if I could detect something akin to the hiding space in my room – but nothing.

No plank was out of place, the wall neatly without any pictures to hide something behind, not even one piece of paper – even if that would be enough to get me out of here.

When I pulled open the drawer, I asked myself if there even still was a place for me back home or if I forever would be the coward that choose to become a stiff. I was lost in thought as I pulled open the first drawer, no longer paying attention to my surroundings while checking beneath his clothes as fast and cleanly as possible.

But if you ever were in a life-threatening position you should know better than to get careless – those were situations people were harmed.

A rookie’s mistake.

 The voice coming from the ajar door had me freeze on my knees, my heart stopping before starting again twice as fast.

 “I knew, the moment I saw you wearing those skimpy pants of yours that you´re just asking for it. And now, I find you in my room… Do you think that’s what a decent abnegation member would do?” Jerking violently, I slammed the drawer shut but not before I could pull my hand back jamming them. Turning around with my back pressed against the wood, I meet Marcus´ cold blue eyes, staring me down, judging me. If he hadn’t known before that I was up to no good, he knew now.

“It´s not what it looks like!” I exclaimed, giving him a smile despite my treacherous heart that was pounding in my chest, stealing my breath. “I was just sorting through the laundry, there were a few items still in the basket.”

 His unnerving stare, the sarcastically pulled up lips told me he didn’t believe one word. “Really? And where are they now?”

 Still pressed towards the drawers, I slowly got off the floor but forced my body to relax, trying everything to appear innocent in front of the man that could be my undoing.

“I put them away for you.”

 Fixing me with a hard stare, Marcus nodded before tilting his head, signaling to me that he was content with the explanation which was strangely unnerving because I had no idea what to do until he stepped to the side, clearing the way out for me. Relieved, I crossed the room with large steps and couldn’t wait to get out, away from him but when I was beside him, Marcus grabbed my arm, holding me in place. Freezing, I felt him lean closer until his mouth was beside my ear, his breath fanning over my skin.

 “You know, the only thing I hate more than whores are liars.”

He paused, his next words making my breath hitch. “Do you really think I didn’t know you were inside my study? Do you really take me for such a fool?”

 Letting go of my arm, Marcus let me stumble into the hallway but he wasn’t done yet, a sardonic smile playing over his lips while I slowly backed away, gaze glued to him. He knew, of course, he knew!  

No matter what I did, it always got back to Marcus in one way or another and he, being the manipulative bastard he is, chose to stay quiet instead of playing his hand. His head cocked, an innocent, wistful expression on his face, he came closer.

 “Yesterday while you were gone whoring yourself out, I took the liberty to look through your room. You know, the one that actually belongs to me. And guess what I found?” He pulled a wrinkled piece of paper from his pocket, straightening it up to reveal a black background with a small grey circle inside it. My blood ran cold as I stared at it with big eyes, gaze flicking up to see him watching me intently, judging, condemning. But he wasn’t done ridiculing me yet, based on beliefs that were not my own.

“Who´s the father Casey?” He stepped closer, while I was frozen to the spot. “Is it the amity, that imbecile? Or was it that guy you sneaked out to meet?” Scrunching up his face in disgust, Marcus fixed his eyes on my stomach. “Do you even know who’s the bastards father?”

 “It´s not like that!” I finally had enough, taking a step forward to meet his gaze with my scorching one. “And it´s not like it is any of your business –“

 A hand on my throat pushing me back into the wall cut me off, the pressure just forceful enough to shut me up immediately, not harming – yet. Hauntingly blue eyes glared down at me, the heated spark no longer hidden by his careful composure.

“But it is my business, isn’t it?” Marcus asked almost softly before a grimace pulled on his lips. “What will they all say? A girl, unmarried, pregnant, living with the head of the government. I can´t let a pretty little cunt like yours tarnish my reputation. You understand, right?”

 “What do you want from me?” My voice came out as a panicking as the pressure onto my throat increased. The shift in his mood was tangible, expression hardening until I came face to face with that version of the man, who claimed that the hits raining down on my back, marring once flawless skin was for my own good. The man that would do absolutely anything to uphold his reputation as the trusted leader of our government.

The hidden face of Marcus Eaton.

 Staring me down, he loomed over me, faces almost touching.

 “Tell me why you are really here.”

 Breath hitching, I gave myself away before even realizing it, clamming up in response to the tightening around my throat. The slow swell of panic rising in my guts, I brought my hands up to grip his arm – to anchor myself or to relieve the pressure, I wasn´t sure. All I knew was, that I wouldn’t get out of this unscathed if my lies were not convincing enough.

But the fog in my brain made it impossible to think straight.

“I don´t know what you mea – ”

 Moving fast, his grip tightened and he pulled me forward just to slam me back into the wall with a lot more force than before. My head hitting the wall was dizzying, his face blurring in front of me.

“Why were you in my study? Tell me!”

 “I wasn´t – I didn´t…” With a snarl, his hand shot up and tangled inside my hair, forcefully dragging me after him through the hallway while the pain in my scalp and my state of disorientation made it impossible for me to get out of his grip to flee into my room. Not that it would have stopped him, but by now every move that could by me precious time was vital.

Stemming my feet into the floor, I fought tooth and nails, leaving deep claw marks in his hand – but Marcus stayed unfazed, unmoved like a mountain. He just whirled me around, hand closing back around my throat and suddenly the floor gave way under my heel, the torturous sensation of falling sending my body into a frenzy until suddenly I was still upright.

Head snapping up, I realized with horror that I was balancing on the highest step on the staircase, the only thing keeping me from falling was Marcus hand around my throat. Panic-fueled, I gripped his arm with vice-like strength and tried to pull myself closer to him, away from the abyss.

I just wasn’t strong enough.

 Pushing me further back and away from him, Marcus balanced me on top of the stairs with only his hand around my neck, cutting off my air supply until I could only pant.  His voice was void of any emotion while I was fighting desperately, panicking to keep my balance. “You have one last chance…” He stated, the hard edge being replaced by something that was almost gleeful – Marcus had me where he wanted me and there was nothing I could do against it. “Remember… it´s not just your life anymore.”

 Tears pooling in my eyes, I just for one second contemplated what would happen if I didn't answer if I stayed truthful to myself and loyal to my faction. But the life growing inside me was so much more than displaced pride and false righteousness, it was pure and unfiltered love. Nothing could ever measure up to the joy of knowing you carried the product of a union between two human beings, older as time.

There was no doubt left that I´d tell him.

I´d tell him everything and then I would go home.

To Eric.

Begging for his forgiveness and making sure Max would never abuse his power like that again. Eric would help me with that, I am sure.

My heart breaking, I surrender.

 “Erudite…” I croaked out, a lone tear escaping as I clawed on the hand around my throat. “They want me to find… something.”

 “What?” Marcus hissed, eyes narrowing, the intense stare getting even more hostile as he shook me, the threat of falling seizing my brain up, leaving me frozen. “What do they want?”

 Gasping for air, I forced myself to speak those words out loud I had promised to take with me to the grave.

 “Leverage… to denounce the gov…ermnent…” An image of the two most powerful people in this city, scheming deep under the earth with the full protection of Dauntless. Max´ piercing, Jeanine´s hungry stare resting on my form as they gave me the order to infiltrate Marcus´ life, to do everything humanly possible to dig up some dirt that would ruin his reputation forever. For them, it didn’t matter what I came up with or which dangers I would face, as long as I came back to tell the tale.

Or maybe… maybe they had just used me as a scapegoat – a casualty they could use to convince the leaders of Candor and Amity to strip Marcus from his position and Abnegation from its leadership.

A sob forced its way out of my throat as I realized truly and utterly alone, abandoned by the people I had trusted most. In the end, their plan would have worked either way: they would either have my report or my body because if this would have just been about me, my pride and sense of loyalty would have been enough to keep my quiet.

But it wasn’t just me – everything I would go through my child would suffer the same. And for the first time in my life, I chose my blood over my faction.

 “Any-anything… to destroy you… Abnegation… The- they want to…take over the council.”

 “Who?! Who want´s that?” Marcus face contorted as he hissed at me, his tightening hand suppressing the air flow into my lungs. Starting to feel light-headed, I went to pry his fingers from my neck but a small push backward that created the sensation of falling stopped me, slinging my hand around his arm in panic.

 “Jea-Jeanine an-d Ma-aax…” I cried out as soon as his grip had loosened a little, heaving violently, the oxygen rushing to my head slowly subsiding the spinning of my sight only slowly.

A strange glint flashed behind Marcus’ eyes, the smile spreading over his face in stark contrast to the message he had just received. Tilting his head, the movement blurred before my eyes, the lack of oxygen making my head swim. “Thank you very much. I appreciate your… honesty.” He hesitated for just a second before his lips pulled up into something that was almost regretful, mockingly so, that had the anxiety inside me spike to unknown heights as he whispered.

“What a shame.”

 Before I could do anything, Marcus pushed me backward and for a moment, I was suspended in time, weightless and all I saw was his face contorted in malicious glee, the deep satisfaction of a sadist. And then…

  My shoulder hit the stairs, my leg the wall, my head the railing and I fell deeper and faster, tumbling down an almost seemingly endless flight of stairs, knocking the wind out of me, every twist and turn multiplying the impacts by a thousand until suddenly… nothing.

Dazed, my body heavy.

Weightless, as if floating in water.

Dizzy, my brain fogging up.

Then, pain.

Indescribable agony, that had me gasp for air, fighting to not let the wave pull me back under.

A sharp burning in my shoulder, dull thudding in my head,

Pins prickling in my wrist that was twisted at an unnatural angle.

But the worst, the worst…

That agonizing feeling of being split in two, fire raging through my lower abdomen that couldn’t be doused, could not be contained, as if someone twisted a burning hot knife inside me, turning and turning until all that was left from me was just a little heap of ashes.

The last thing I noticed before drifting away, was a heavy set of boots stepping over me, leaving me on the floor while he disappeared through the front door.

Time was a vague thing and I couldn’t decipher how many minutes or hours passed until I regained consciousness, slowly fighting through the cotton in my head until I could feel my body again, my limbs filled with lead. Forcing my eyes open despite the dizziness, I came to face a grey wall, gaze trailing after the small crack that had formed over the years, stretching from the floor to about wait height splitting into two. 

At one place the plaster had fallen off, creating a small dent – a crack in the perfectly kept façade of the house.

I was just like that crack, the only visible imperfection inside this house that was haunted by the demons of the past. Eyes fluttering close, I could see them both – a mother with her brown hair swept up into an impeccable bun, sneaking small goods like a cookie to her young son before he would come home. And the boy…

Such a handsome young man, maybe seven years old, his uniform too big for his lanky build, his brown hair – or was it dark blond? – ruffled.

The burden of being raised in this environment has left a stain on him, his antics not as happy or as energetic as it should be but for his mother, he always held a smile.

He was beautiful.

And he reminded me of someone… of something.

 Forcing my eyes back open, I gathered all the energy I had left and turned my numb body around. As I landed on my back, my left arm that had moved with the momentum landed on the floor and a sharp spike of pain dispersed the fog in my brain, suddenly making everything clear again.

With a strangled gasp, I reached down with my right hand, the one that wasn’t broken, to find that I was lying in a puddle of liquid, fingers crimson red blurring before my eyes that were filling with tears.

“No, no, no no nonono…”

 A spike of adrenalin gave me the strength to pull myself further up until my back was resting against the wall, no part of my body that didn't hurt. And I would never make it to the front door. For a moment, just a second, as the first strangled sob broke through my chest I thought that this was it. I would die in this godforsaken hallway, on the foot of the stairs. And my child with me. That was when I felt myself give up, just give in to the exhaustion trying to pull me under, my head falling to the side, my eyes to the back door.

The back door…

It was just in reach if I managed to pull myself up and the handle down. The handle… I had to get out.

 My strangely angled arm towards my chest, I pulled myself forward, dragging myself over the floor that I had just swept this morning, a trail of blood following my every movement. To reach the handle, I had to stand up but my shoes were gliding through the blood, tripping me until I finally found my stand against the wall. I was glad my legs were working – even though I couldn’t feel them.

 It was as if I was standing beside myself as I watched this pitiful creature stumbling through the door, leaving crimson red fingerprints on whatever she touched. Almost like King Midas but instead of turning the things I touched to gold they became rivers of blood, trying to drown me inside them.

My strength was limited, my feet only carrying me a few steps until I collapsed in the backyard, my figure veiled towards the other houses by the white linen sheets strapped onto the clothesline to dry. At least they would find me in the morning when they all came out to help one another take them off. The thought almost made me laugh.

 Face pressed into the slightly moist grass, eyes dropping shot, I thought about my last day at dauntless before Max called me into his office to destroy my life. The way Eric´s skin felt under my fingers, his beard stubble leaving an itchy feeling of my neck as he kissed his way down, only stopping short, his sharp eyes meeting mine, veiled by desire.

I was back in that little alleyway, pressed against the supply building as he thrust inside me with the urgency of a starving man. But this time when he asked me to come back with him, to become his wife, instead of running away, I said yes.

Yes… I should have said yes. I should have told him about his child – our child. We could be a family by now, living in one apartment, inviting my parents to dinner, him just watching my exposed belly when we lay in bed at night, pointing out how big his little warrior was getting. Another future that would never be no matter how much I longed for it.

God, I miss him so much…

I wish, I –

 “Casey?! Is that you?” A loud noise had my eyes squinting open – and that after I almost fell asleep. Whoever it was, stripped me from my peaceful rest and I turned my head to go back to sleep, muttering to my mother to let me sleep just a little longer. School wasn't that important. All we did these days was bet on other ways Uriah would get his ass handed to him from the faction history teacher. And of course, his way of retaliation.

But a sharp shaking startled me and when I forced my eyes back open, I came face to face with someone that was vaguely familiar.

 Her defined face was sharp, almost bony as if she didn't get enough to eat, her straight midnight black hair framing her face, making her appearance hauntingly beautiful. Like an avenging angel.

“What the hell happened to you?” She muttered to herself but when my eyes threatened to fall back shut, she backhanded me with just enough force to had them fly back open. “You need to stay awake!” She ordered urgently and obedient, I shook my head, giving her a small smile, not quite understanding why she was so upset.

Head falling back into the grass, I stared into the darkening sky, losing myself in the abyss that was our universe.

 She was still fumbling around my body, calling things to the figures appearing in extending shadows, the movements of her hands urgent but schooled. Seeing that my eyes had closed again, she slapped me again. “Casey! Stay with me!”

 But I was long gone.

I honestly can´t say if this chapter is widely poetic or absolute shit.. :D and please… don´t hate me too much, I said from the beginning that this won´t be a nice story… I´m also sorry for the long wait but the chapter was massive & my head sadly too occupied with other stuff to fully concentrate on writing.. I hope you like it either way!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Anna xx

[cutegirlmayra]

Hello mayra! :D I really love your works and appreciate all the effort you put into everything you write. Keep your head up bud, you're a great writer!! (Not sure if you're accepting prompts at the moment but I really love the concept of boom!sonamy meeting modern sonamy if you don't mind. The last one you did is my favorite of all, I just cant get enough, AAAA)

Thank you so much!

I’m ALWAYS accepting prompts. But getting around to them (especially with finals coming up) might be a challenge so please be patient if you send one. But I love receiving them when people say they’ve been inspired or are truly grateful to have something there to make their day. I’m overwhelmed and thankful that you think I’m a good writer!!! *more tears* Thank you kind, soul. Thank you!

(x)

Prompt:

Modern Sonic, upon witnessing the dimensional rift that Eggman’s bright idea of releasing a ten-thousand year old mechanical being created, watched in horror as the Being flung Amy up in it’s hand.

His head quickly followed the action, standing in the space where all dimensions intersect.

“AMY!”

He raced off towards the Being, and as it looked around, found an escape route.

Throwing Amy into one portal, he flew off into another.

“No!” Sonic leaped for the portal Amy was heading into, as her eyes flickered to life suddenly from being unconscious.

She looked around, before reaching and flailing her arms forward. “S-Sonic..! What’s happening!!!”

A huge light formed around them, sucking them straight in….

Somewhere off the coast of Sonic Boom’s Island, the two crashed into the jungles, as Boom!Eggman flinched from eating his crust-cut sandwiches.

He quickly turned from his umbrella table on the side, towards the top of his layer, before shrugging and turning back to his small meal.

He happily chew until his eyes widened, or at least, his glasses bulged and he slammed his fist on the table, turning back around and having his chair fall behind him.

“Muff-er-stuff-gr-light!” He chewed and swallowed all in the same mouthful.

Pointing to the light that flashed closed in the sky, he quickly raced to the edge of his lair and looked over, towards the jungle….

“Orbot! Cubot! I’ve had a vision!” He over dramatically raised a finger skyward, and then giddily ran in, before kicking the relaxing robots into gear. “Come on, you stupid nincompoops!”

“Offph! Ow..”

“Is that an oxymoron?” Cubot rubbed his head.

“No, Cubot. That’s just repeating the same meaning of a word twice.” Orbot rubbed his keister, or what metallic part was there to be called as such.

“Grr… An Oxymoron is someone who loses all the oxygen in their heads and becomes a moron. Quite like what you two will be if you don’t SCRAM!” Eggman leaned forward, yelling at the two as they hurriedly went to work, scurrying in by getting around him.

“But we’re not even fueled by Oxygen!”

“Shut up. Hmph. I want to find out what flew out of the sky. This could be my lucky day!” he beamed.

*somewhere in the jungles*

“Ow! My hair!”

“Your hair? My legs!”

“Offph! If you would have just turned a little to the left..”

“What!? You’re seriously going to judge my ‘rescuing you from certain peril from the sky’ diving skills? Now?”

Upside down, the two hung on extremely tangled vines, Amy having one hand to hold up her dress as the other was trying to fix her hair covered in leaves and contorted by vines.

She sighed when her three bangs were the only things loosened from her struggling, as Sonic bite and tugged on other vines to try and free himself a ways beside her. However, he just twirled and flung around till completely immobilized.

He blinked through the vines, and then started to struggle in panic at being completely unable to move.

“Sonic?” Amy called, the vine moving slowly so she couldn’t see what he was grunting about.

“Amy?”

A sound from below came up, as Sonic made a face, raising his eyebrow and looking down to see what strange presence mimicked his voice.

“Huh? How’d you get down?” Amy looked down, seeing a speck of blue on the jungle floor.

“When you’d start wearing an open dress?” Boom!Sonic had his hands on both hips, raising his own eyebrow to mimic Modern!Sonic’s.

The two then stared, as Amy’s eyes shifted back and forth to them.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” she suddenly screamed.

Her screams were only amplified when a boomerang slashed through her vines, having her fall and Modern!Sonic follow her in the decent.

“AHHHHHHH!!!” She waved her arms around, before summoning her hammer and hitting a tree.

Still screaming, she had flung herself to Modern!Sonic and grabbed him, which he wasn’t expecting so his own recovery from the fall was… well… um… hindered to say the least.

“Wha-what?!” Modern!Sonic, surprised by the sudden action, was slammed against another tree, and then hit a branch, and then into a lower branch… well, you see the pattern.

The whole time, he made sure he was getting hit, whether it was his head or back, to make sure Amy was safe as she clung onto him tightly.

The two fell into the arms of a humongous Boom!Knuckles, well, huge for them, as they both were being held by one of his arms.

“Woah, two Amy’s and Sonic’s! Is this some kind of promotional event?”

The two looked over to him, their eyes wide.

Amy screamed again and fell out of his arms, landing on her butt as she stared up at the giant Knuckles.

“K..Kn… Knuckles?!”

“The one and only!”

“Not only.” Modern!Sonic looked away, before using a hand to fling himself over Knuckles’s shoulders and landed behind him, dusting himself off.

“Where are we, anyway?”

“Look alikes?” Tails suddenly came out, examining the two, “You think Eggman made them?”

“Probably.” Boom!Sonic sped up to Modern!Sonic; having a hand to his chin and peering at him, he seemed to be puzzled at how different yet.. closely resembled the two did in fact look to each other.

Modern!Sonic remained calm, simply folding his arms and staring back at him.

Boom!Sonic copied this gesture.

Then Modern!Sonic stepped his feet apart.

Boom!Sonic looked at his feet, and then back at him, doing the same.

Suddenly, little by little, the two got into running positions, and their faces lit up with smirks.

“If you are a fake, then there’s no way you can beat my speed!” Boom!Sonic boasted.

“Heh. We’ll just have to see who the real faker is, then!” Modern!Sonic matched his confidence, and the two looked forward, racing off.

“Sonic? Sonic!!” Amy reached out for him, “Don’t leave me with these-! AH!”

Sticks suddenly jumped on Modern!Amy, making her shake around and wobble.

“Spies! Clones! Spy clones! Or just back-up organs raised by the government. Either way, I’m pretty sure they’ve escaped to start a new civilization together.” She raved a moment before examining Modern!Amy, opening her eyelid before leetting the two lids smack back together and then crawling around her shoulders while trying to figure her out.

Amy looked extremely uncomfortable, having her hands to her sides and shaking in fright.

“What is this thing and why is it crawling all over me..?” Her quivering lips trembled at the awkwardness as Sticks’s tail swished in her face while she studied the ‘hoop’ like design of her red and white dress.

“Sticks, they’re clearly not run away clones.” Tails gestured out, but then put a hand up to his head to scratch it in uncertainty. “As least… I don’t think so.”

In the distance, two streaks of blue could be seen, racing each other over perilous fleets of strength, stamina, and courage.

“Look, me and Sonic fell through a dimensional barrier of sorts. We’re sorry for being in his world and all but…” she gently… before forcefully, as if growing impatient, ripped Sticks off of her and then let go. Sticks dropped like a cat, and hissed at her, spiking her back up before going over to her friends, getting back up on two legs from being on all fours.

“She checks out clean.” Sticks folded her arms, nodding to Tails as Knuckles walked over them as well.

“She’s about as light as Amy too.” Knuckles commented, before leaning down and holding a hand over his mouth, trying to side-comment to Tails. “Though, with added ice cream ratio difference…”

“I can hear you!” Amy cried from in front of them.

“And better hearing skills…” Knuckles squinted his eyes, as if suspicious of her, and then leaned up as Tails rolled his eyes and went back to politely speaking to her.

“You said another world? Like… two universes?”

“I think so.” Amy pouted, still upset by what Knuckles had said as she self-consciously hugged her stomach. “I had one extra treat…” she whined.

“Onnnee extra?” Knuckles, folding his arms, leaned his head down and raised an eyebrow, doubting her. “A likely story.”

She whimpered, smiling nervously, before a gust of wind blasted dust at her and she covered her face and lowered her dress down.

The two hedgehogs, back from their little ‘outing’ had smoothly skid into place beside her.

Leaning over her, they began to argue. “I touchdowned first!”

“You and what other liar? I was clearly here first!”

“Me and my shoes do the eye-witnessing here, bub!” Boom!Sonic lifted his foot, shoving it in his face as Amy covered her face and moved away, not wanting to be apart of their banter.

Modern!Sonic shoved it away, smiling as if enjoying this ‘other self’, “Oh yeah?” The two started rough housing, laughing like long lost brothers, before turning a bit more aggressive.

“I’m the only Sonic!”

“Guess again!”

“Ah! You.. won’t… break me!”

Modern!Sonic had Boom!Sonic in a lock, as he pounded the ground but wouldn’t surrender.

“Ha-ha!” He suddenly spun, and pinned Modern!Sonic, whose back cracked as he laughed and got a second-wind from it, curling up to slide under his kneeling but parted legs, and throw him over his back once uncurled.

“OFFPH!”

“Boys! Settle down!”

The two suddenly stopped rough-housing, blinking as Boom!Amy came out of the bush.

“What on earth is going on here?”

Modern!Sonic couldn’t help but get distracted, not used to this kind of look for Amy, so he loosened his grip and leaned back…blinking in confusion.

She looked older… somehow.

He smiled suddenly, “Nice dress.” before Boom!Sonic spun up and whammed him in the face.

“Ha! Victory!”

Modern!Amy gasped, about to come closer when a pair of robotic hands gripped her mouth, making her unable to cry out and pulled her into the bush.

Distracted by this ‘new Amy’ Modern!Sonic got up, adjusted his quills to get the leaves out of them, and then stood before her.

Seeming charming, he grinned. “You must be the other Amy.”

“Other… Amy?” she was confused, looking him over to before back at her Sonic. “What’s going on? Eggman?”

“It’s always pointin’ fingers at Egghead. But no one listens to the counter-argument of the feds!” Sticks complained, throwing her arms out as if this should be common knowledge and she, somehow, only knew the truth.

“Hey, Ames, real talk.” Boom!Sonic pushed her away from Modern!Sonic, which made him look a bit surprised that he was so direct with her, even making nicknames or pushing her away like that.

“This guy is pretty slick. He’s definitely got my speed and attitude. But from another world? Come on! I’m still the only dashing hero around here, am I right?” he looked to his friends for validation, but they all just kinda stared at him and ignored his ego for a moment.

“I think we should help them out.” Tails chimed in.

“HEY!” Boom!Sonic threw his arms down, upset by the deliberate ignorance.

“I agree.” Boom!Amy nodded, “Poor things. All the way from one world to another… how’d this happen?” She put her hand to her heart, as Sticks explained.

She rolled her eyes, “doohickey from the sky I spotted turned out to be a magic portal or something. That’s what I guess, anyway.”

“Magic portal?” Tails looked skeptical of her, and she growled to him.

“Hey, I don’t call your ‘physics’ spells ludicrous.”

“That’s because they’re not!”

“Heh, funny crowd we got here, huh, Amy?” Modern!Sonic smiled at the lovable cast, before angling himself to where he supposed Modern!Amy was.

“Think we better leave this world to it’s self and-” he turned around, but was immediately aware of her being gone.

“Amy?” he scanned around, “AMY!” he suddenly bolted off into the brush.

“Huh?” The Boom team turned around, before following after him.

“W-wait for us!” Knuckles cried out, as everyone raced after Modern!Sonic. “I haven’t asked about what I’m like in your world yet!”

Eggman kidnaps Modern!Amy, but is surprised by how sweetly she comes off, but she deceives him as he lets her go for a ‘Capture Tea-party’ she explained HER Eggman hoisted for her when he usually captured her. Getting out of her cell, the energy beams takin’ down, she suddenly turned violent and started destroying the place.

 Eggman shrieks and ducks, freaking out, as Orbot and Cubot run around and then both jump to the same cover.

“Instead of hostage, she’s turned hostile!”

Modern!Sonic arrives first to the lair, hearing the sounds happening inside and smiling, knowing Amy’s got this one.

He folded his arms and relaxed, as the Boom team came up from behind him. He looked over his shoulder and grinned, thinking they were in for a treat.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Tails asked, as Modern!Sonic nonchalantly waved his hand.

“She’s fine~” he walked towards the entrance, whistling at the place as he looked over it. “This Eggman’s got a unique style, doesn’t he..? Takes out all the stops, huh?”

“He’s acting rather casual about this.” In a bit of frustration, Boom!Amy gestured upsetly towards Modern!Sonic, before placing her hands on her hips, glaring…

“Hey, maybe she’s just proven to be just as capable as you.” Boom!Sonic patted her shoulder, seeming relaxed too before excited to see this ‘heel-wearing Amy’ take out a whole lair!

The doors slid open as Modern!Sonic flinched, ready for anything before seeing Amy, and suddenly racing up to her.

“How was it?”

“Fun. You?” She swayed her arms, happy to see him relaxed. That let her know he trusted in her.

She giggled and moved closer, “You weren’t too worried, were you?”

He nervously stepped back, “Uhh… Of what? You’ve handled bigger breakouts.” He stepped slightly forward towards her to gesture a thumb behind himself at the rather small lair.

“Definitely not as hard as I’ve had it.” She rolled her eyes, before Eggman’s head stuck out from the carcasses of busted robots.

“N-not even a little hard?” His mustache slopped in disappointment before the door slammed shut and he shouted out, “I TOO AM JUST AS FRIGHTENING AS ANY OTHER DIMENSIONAL MEEE!!!!”

“The dimensional him must be terrifying.” Tails walked up, as Modern!Amy shook her head.

Sonic and her both said together, “Not in the slightest.”

Boom!Amy moved up to Modern!Amy, suddenly noticing how close the two were standing together, and for a moment… a girly hope traced her eyes before Modern!Amy turned around, and she stood up straight and then giggled nervously, trying to look away and act like she wasn’t staring.

“S-so… ehem. You two good friends?” She batted her eyes, innocently.

Modern!Amy happily raised a curious eye, and then jumped to hug her Sonic.

“Oh~ You know we’re just the grea-grea-greatest!”

“Ah! A-Amy..!” Modern!Sonic didn’t like the shaking of her hold on him, swinging him back and forth before ducking her head under his and popping it up, grinning happily.

The cute action made Boom!Sonic step back, a bit shocked at the gesture as Modern!Sonic just looked away, seeming slightly awkward before looking at Boom!Sonic’s nervousness.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh! Uh, nothing!” Boom!Sonic waved his hands out in front of him, denying any emotion previously upon his face. “You two just look… uh… close.”

The avoidance of his stature and eyes made the two Modern!Couple look to each other, and then to their other selves.

They smiled secretly to each other, as if knowing something the other two didn’t know, and parted just slightly, while Modern!Sonic kept an arm around Amy, and gestured to Boom!Sonic.

“So. Your dimension doesn’t do hugs?”

“H-huh?”

He laughed, “Sounds like my kind of world!”

“Oh you.” Modern!Amy playfully pushed him away, before swaying herself up to Boom!Sonic. “Such a shame… you really are kinda…” she lowered her head down, and peeked up at him, leaning forward before her kind smile suddenly turned wicked.

“Huh?” he leaned back, blushing slightly.

“CUTE!” she leaped, as Boom!Amy about lost her wits and fire rose around her at this other Amy cuddling up to HER Sonic.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Boom!Amy shook, her eyes twitching, but trying to remain calm.

Modern!Sonic moseyed along behind her, giving her a sinister look before leaning up to the side of her by her ear, “I think you’re not as subtle as you think you are.”

She suddenly froze up, freaking out without a sound, but jolting in place with her hair on it’s ends as Modern!Sonic smirked and made his way back to his Amy.

“Alright, Amy. Leave the poor kid alone.”

Modern!Amy smiled back to her Sonic, before releasing Boom!Sonic who proceeded to clutch his chest and breathe.

“Opps~ Sorry~” she batted a hand out, trying to play it off by being cute. “You were just so irresistible!”

She covered her face and swayed back and forth, as the rest of the Boom team looked shocked and awkward but Sticks, who looked deadpanned in a sense.

“Hmm. I could of sworn he’d give in first.”

The team suddenly turned to her in even further shock, leaning away from her as if she just spoke blasphemy.

The Modern duo started to advance away, smiling to one another as if they had fun, before looking to the skies…

“If I know anything about Tails…” Modern!Sonic kept his cool demeanor and put a hand to his hip, looking to his buddy’s equivalent. “Think we could catch a ride in your plane?” he winked.

“Ah! He rides a plane too!” Tails’s tails flopped around in joy, as he bundled his fists up close to his face, fan-boying almost at this wonderful detail of some other world they were all starting to believe in.

Getting on the plane, Modern!Amy hugged Boom!Sonic one last time, swaying him around in her arms and being dramatic as she usually was with Sonic, not wanting to part as Boom!Amy twitched in rage, Boom!Sonic just being utterly confused before Modern!Sonic pulled her away and held her bridal style, looking back at the Boom crew.

“Stay cool!” he winked, and then saw the portal slowly opening again.

“Chaos!” Sonic cried out, jumping, “Control!”

“Chaos what?” The boom team repeated all together, as Amy and Sonic disappeared into the white light reforming…