#love the game trying to make me care about paulo again and again

[the-thirteenth-prime]

Honestly, the spoilers from the final chapter of the Villain Arc have made me very, very glad I made the decision to delete the game, because we're just continually rewarding shitty behavior in PMEx world. Like. Wow.

[gabenvrhappened]

TvShowsOr... Never Have I Ever

Never Have I Ever is one of those things in my life that I only discovered its beyond-belief existence once I was too late for the party. Literally. This comparison comes from a night that I'll never forget: me at a club hearing Talking Body by Tove Lo for the first time and loving it while trying to make sense of the song, just to be obsessed with it later on and never hearing it again through loudspeakers of a crowded room with sticky floors. In this case, the party was the fact that the cast was in São Paulo for a Netflix event that I was in, but, at the time, they weren't a thing for me so I skipped everything related to it. I don't martyrize myself for it, but now I think about that missed opportunity.

Nothing is more important to me than to only watch TV shows with endings, especially if they don't have many seasons or many episodes. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating and there are more important things than that, but I really look into these factors before starting anything. Consequently, Never Have I Ever only became an option this year, when its final season premiered. While looking for things to spend my time with on the TV in my living room/bed room, I decided to give it a chance after minutes of scrolling. I really love the routine of having something to watch after cooking a big meal, or before going to sleep while having a sandwich, so I was in desperate need of something new. It started innocently, after my best friend telling me she loved the shows and that I would love it to. Then one episode, then another, and then, without me noticing, it became the thing I always wanted to come back to, with a smile on my face.

In retrospect, the first season is so different from the others, though. Devi looks so young and it's so weird to see her wanting to have sex with Paxton and him agreeing. I remember thinking that the main plot was so weak and didn't last much throughout the episodes. Being called after a teenager game, and considering that the first main plot device revolved around a lie, I thought that the writers would play around with the idea of lies being made out of never have I ever done something and telling I did when I didn't. For me, that was a missed opportunity, but not something that made the flow of the story feel empty. The events just unfold fluidly in other directions, and that's what matters. At least, each episode is based on that saying, which was a nice touch. What stands out in the first season is the first kiss between Devi and Ben. Come on, it's obvious they're going to be end game, but it was so sweet to see the scene happening. And of course, I can't forget to mention the fact that Andy Samberg narrated an episode here, and my fangirl side couldn't have been happier about that.

Then we have the second season and that scene. The scene where Paxton climbs to Devi's room (how? Are we supposed to care?) and kisses her while Heat Waves by Glass Animals plays. I have never seen a scene that made me feel so single and hopeless and hopeful at the same time since the scene in Heartstopper where Nick appears at the doorstep of Charlie's house while it's raining. That was peak television and I knew it from that scene on that nothing that Ben could ever do would come close to the feelings I faced throughout those 30 seconds that I replayed over and over again and that I can't get out of my mind. Did something else happen through the season? I don't remember. Ah… how could I forget? Me hating my guts out on Aneesa, when she appeared as the love interest of Ben for the season. I was so mad and irritated, and I know I shouldn't be because Ben needed a good girlfriend for once, but… oh God… I was so happy when they broke up.

That's actually funny to consider, when we dive into the third season where Devi gets a boyfriend and I really like him. Double standard much? For a moment I forgot that parts of me wanted her to be with Paxton because I wanted to believe that the awkward one could actually get the hot one (just so I can keep that hope alive in life); and that parts of me wanted her to finally be with Ben because how can someone not want to become enemies to lovers with a rich boy and his hairy arms? But then, he got himself another girlfriend that no one asked for (and that was so annoying) and I kept wishing again that they would break up (overprotective of Ben Gross? Me? HA! Of course not).

When I hit play on the final season, I felt the bittersweet taste of ending. If once I started the show just for wanting something to pass my time, now it had become my new religion. Up until now I had fallen for almost all characters, like Eleanor, Kamala, and Trent and, even though I don't mention them here, they were also very responsible for the special place the series was forming in my heart. Saying goodbye wouldn't be easy. Especially when Michael Cimino appeared on the scene.

Let me get one separated paragraph for him because, man… I didn't see it coming. By now, you understand how much I wanted Devi and Ben to finally be end game — which was still a bit poignant and stirring emotion in me after they did so much dirt on Paxton's character development — that I couldn't predict that I would want Devi to be with anyone else than him. But I did. And, what even shocked me the most was the fact that I was rooting for a Michael Cimino character. Don't get me wrong, but my first contact with him was through Love, Victor and, even though the show brought me (one of mine, at least) ultimate crush, George Sear, I was still left disappointed because that show didn't do justice to the movie, which I am deeply in love with. His character was just not good (and somewhat not as cute as the writers thought he was). And knowing he would be on Never Have I Ever was something that I thought would be daunting, but oh my God, it wasn't! Seriously, I couldn't get enough of his screen time, and I really got mad when he finally left after so little appearance. It's the bad boy vibes, by this point there's no need to sugarcoat it, but there was just something so sexy about his dark confidence and break of rules that I just knew it was what Devi needed. Not the hot guy or the nerd guy. The troubled one. That's the reason he's the one I chose to be in the post picture and I don't regret that a bit (together with the fact that I, strangely, couldn't find a single decent photo of Devi, Ben, and Paxton together).

So finishing the season was a funny experience. No, no other Devi and Ben moment ever topped the climbing Paxton scene, and the prom and the farewell parties were overwhelming. Still, sitting down to binge-watch the final episodes because I couldn't sleep without knowing how everything would end was a nice way to wrap up this journey that started so simply and ended so meaningfully. I talked so much already but I know there's a lot of points I could have covered to do justice to how important this TV show is (especially if we talk about Indian representation), but I guess you get my drift after this long essay. I'll miss everything, but I'm glad I have something to miss, rather than just think about the possibility of never pressing play on Never Have I Ever.

[cacoetheswriting]

champagne problems, epilogue

Epilogue: Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby: The beginning of the end. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading. Word Count: 1.3k Warnings: brief mentions of alcohol consumptions, other than that just a big ball of FLUFF !

series masterlist

A/N: holy shit, this is the end!!! i had so much fun writing this little series, but it wouldn't have been the same without all of you reading, so seriously thank you! now, if anyone on the story taglist would like to be moved to my general spencer reid taglist just let me know, other than that i hope you enjoy this very last chapter!

-

Ever since you were little, you dreamt of your wedding day.

The elegant white dress you would wear, the way you’d style your hair, how your dream venue would look, the perfect guest list, the flowers, the track list, and of course, your husband to be.

You imagined he’d be handsome, a prince to accompany your dream of becoming a princess. You imagined he’d be smart, trustworthy, courageous, and caring. You imagined he’d be funny, make you laugh even when you didn’t want to smile. You imagined he’d be a great listener and have a heart of gold. And you imagined he would always put you first, no matter what.

Dr. Spencer Reid, your husband, was everything you imagined and so much more.

“I believe it was Paulo Coelho who once said, Love is just a word. Until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” All eyes were on Rossi, who with a glass of champagne in the air was delivering a speech he swore he hadn't prepared prior to this moment, “Now, when Y/N and Spencer broke the news and told the team they were finally tying the knot, I personally couldn't have been more thrilled.”

Everyone nodded along to his words as he continued, “And I think I speak for everyone gathered here today when I say these two are made for each other.”

Rossi glanced between the tables until his gaze finally landed on you and the brunette doctor beside you. “To the bride and groom. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” The gathered crowd erupted simultaneously, and what followed was the loud clinking of glasses.

You turned to face Spencer. The hazel-eyed man was already looking at you, a warm smile circling his lips.

“Cheers, my husband.” You lifted your champagne flute a little higher, as he chuckled lightly before following suit, “Cheers, my wife.” Without breaking eye contact, the two of you chinked your glasses together and took a sip of the bubbling liquid.

The evening slowly turned into night. Dozens of tiny fairy lights illuminated the venue, accompanied by the shimmering hue of the disco ball in the middle of the dance floor. Not a single body was sitting down. Everyone swayed to the music, rejoicing in the love which was so clearly floating in the air.

Spencer had his arms wrapped around you, the palms of his hands resting on your lower back. Your arms were around his neck, tips of your fingers tangling in the ends of his soft curls.

The song currently playing was quite fast, but neither of you were particularly keen on the comforting embrace ending - even though you had the rest of your lives to hold each other.

Next to the two of you, on your left, Emily and Tara were jumping around to the beat of the music, while JJ filmed them. Rossi and Will observed the spectacle with drinks in hand and loudly cheered the ladies on. On your right, Penelope was engaged in a dance battle with Derek - one she was undoubtedly winning. Matt, Kristy, and Savannah watched the pair in fits of laughter. And all of the kids ran circles around the gathered group, playing a game of tag with Luke.

“What’s on your mind?” Spencer questioned quietly, after noticing the look of contemplation gracing your features.

“Hmm... I’m just trying to remember the last time we were all together, and this... carefree.” You replied, meeting the ever so welcoming hazel gaze of your husband.

Spencer smiled softly at your response. “Well, we’re here now.” He simply stated, and you couldn't help but playfully roll your eyes.

“You know what doctor, for an extremely outspoken man, and one who seemingly possesses more knowledge than all of us here tonight, you can be very cryptic sometimes.”

“I have to keep a few things to myself, otherwise you'd loose interest in me.” He joked with a chuckle.

The comment earned him another eye roll. You moved one hand from behind his neck and lifted it in between you, curling all fingers inwards apart from the ring finger. His gaze travelled to the notion and the grin on his face widened, because he knew what you were about to say.

“I’m stuck with you now, forever and ever and ever, whether I loose interest or not.” You teased. Spencer’s hand found yours and he brought the finger to his mouth, before pressing a soft kiss to the ring.

“I wouldn't dream of being stuck with anyone else.” Spencer proclaimed, and proceeded to attach his lips to yours in a blissful exchange of breaths. The kiss was short and sweet. Similar to many you’ve shared before, yet different at the same time. Better almost, because he was no longer just Dr. Spencer Reid, he was your Dr. Spencer Reid, and you were now Mrs. Reid.

“I love you, my husband.” You muttered against his lips after pulling away. He smiled, “And I love you, my wife.”

Spencer spun you around once, causing a light giggle to escape you, before he pecked your lips again.

“May I steal her for a moment?” It was Luke who asked, appearing beside the two of you almost out of breath.

“The kids really wore you out, huh?” You teased as Luke smirked, “Oh definitely! Which is why I’d like a dance with the lovely bride so I can compose myself.” He extended his arm and you linked yours with ease.

Shooting Spencer a smile, you disappeared into the crowd with Luke. The doctor watched you for a moment, once again wondering how the hell he got so lucky, when his thoughts were interrupted by a clearing of the throat. He turned his head to find your dad also looking in your direction.

“She’s beautiful, isn't she?” Your dad asked.

“Extremely.” Spencer whispered back, loud enough for Anthony to hear.

The older gentleman shifted in his position, facing Spencer completely. “Thank you.” Anthony stated and extended his arms to wrap them tightly around Spencer. “Thank you for keeping an eye on her, son.”

“I’ll continue to do so for the rest of my life. Nothing’s gonna hurt her ever again, sir” Spencer replied, before quickly correcting himself, “Anthony.”

The older man chuckled lightly as he pulled away. He straightened his tie and proceeded to place his hands on Spencer’s shoulders. “I’ve wanted to say this for quite some time now.” He paused briefly. “Call me dad, son.”

The unexpected request caused the smile on Spencer's face to widen ever so slightly. He didn’t waste time to nod his head in agreement and with one last hand shake, he observed Anthony make his way through the bodies and steal you from Luke for a dance of his own.

Spencer’s heart soared as he watched you sway to the music. In this moment, he was glad he had an eidetic memory that would allow him to remember this sight forever. How filled with joy you seemed, and how ethereal you looked in your white wedding dress under thousands of fairy lights.

Your eyes locked with his amid the celebrating crowd. Amid the off-key singing and crazy dancing. Amid the drinking and loud cheering. Amid every single person that was currently partying between you and Spencer. When his hazel gaze found yours, it felt as if there was no-one else present.

And you were suddenly filled with immense gratitude for everything that has happened since you met the handsome doctor. Grateful for every single step which lead to this very this very moment. Grateful for him, for Spencer.

Your husband.

Today was like any other day.

You woke up at your usual time to the sound of your alarm. You had coffee, and a quick bite to eat while aimlessly scrolling through the social media apps on your phone. You showered, brushed your teeth, got dressed, did your makeup. And when it was time to leave, you walked out the front door locking it behind you, hopped in your car, and drove to work.

Today was like any other day. Except that it wasn’t.

Today wasn’t like any other day because while you carried out all of your menial morning tasks, you felt a great deal happier. Because you weren't doing them alone, and with Spencer by your side, you won't ever have to again.

You finally found your happily ever after.

-

A/N: from the bottom of my heart thank you for your continuous support and going on this journey with me. with love, mal. x

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story taglist: @girloncorneliastreet, @haylaansmi, @rexorangecouny, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @aperrywilliams, @sassy-hades, @rainsong01, @reverdevivre, @dracomikaelson, @softieekayy, @lunaofcrows, @andrewhoezierbyrne​, @blameitonthenight21, @lyl-26, @do-yr-research, @nazifa94, @stepsofthefbi, @chatterbug2-0, @calm-and-doctor, @halseysunset, @ellesgreenaway, @chipot-lol, 

tags not working: @radtwinkie

[imagine-loki]

Hidden Strength

TITLE: Hidden Strength CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 2/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki is sent to Midgard to atone for his actions during the Battle of New York.  He finds that one of his new housemates was disabled during the battle.

RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS:  This is a rewrite of the original work of the same name.  Also on AO3 here

Kat crossed her arms over her chest and gave the god a stern look.  It was stupid to antagonize the god, especially when he was being a villain.  She doubted the cell could actually contain him unless he actually wanted to be there, but that was a pet theory at the moment.  She also sensed that he would appreciate the sass and teasing and that keeping the god of mischief entertained would keep the chaos down to a minimum.

“What is your master plan Earth?” She countered his question she didn’t want to answer with a question he didn’t want to answer.  That was only fair.  

Loki laughed and his smirk only grew.  He was amused and was taking the bait.  That was definitely a good sign and fit in with Kat’s plan.  Nat let her take the lead, though it was strange for the younger Romanoff to do.  Loki was interested in Kat and seemed to be more willing to open up for her.  “You may be interesting, kitten, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be spilling such secrets so easily,” he told her, still clearly amused and enjoying this conversation. 

Kat giggled and shrugged, looking nonchalant.  “It was worth a try,” she replied innocently.  She had the innocent act down pat.  Nat could never quite pull it off, but her younger sister was a natural.  Just as Kat didn’t pull off the seductive thing very well.  She took a seat in the chair right on the other side of the glass from Loki.  He smirked and mirrored her, sitting on the built-in slab that served as a bed in the cell.  “So, what shall we discuss instead?” 

“How did you obtain magic powered by the Tesseract, kitten?” Loki asked.  He wasn’t dropping that question anytime soon, it seemed.  

Kat wasn’t exactly surprised that he knew where her magic came from.  Especially with how powerful both he and that staff of his were.  The staff resonated with Kat for some reason.  It resonated with her power, though she didn’t understand why.  What did the Tesseract and Loki’s scepter have in common?

She grinned at him.  He’d fallen into the conversation where she wanted him.  “And why would I tell you that?” She asked far too innocently.  

Loki inclined his head, an acknowledgment that she had him where she wanted him.  He wasn’t stupid.  He was a genius according to all the charts she’d seen on the matter.  His smirk remained in place and Kat could see from the glint in his eyes that he was enjoying this banter immensely.  “How about an exchange of information, then, kitten?” He asked, his voice still that stupidly seductive purr.  He knew exactly the effect he had on women and Kat wasn’t excluded from that in any way, shape, or form.  “Sound fair?”

She was on the job, though, and was trying to keep her emotions out of it.  Loki was a villain, for Pete’s sake.  He was actively trying to take over the Earth.  Granted, Kat was pretty sure it wasn’t of his own volition.  She gave him an adorable grin.  She couldn’t help that she liked this man.  Liked his wit and cleverness.  “Sounds fair,” she agreed.  “And to answer your question, I was experimented on in the Red Room. I assume Agent Barton told you about that?” He’d insinuated that Barton had told him everything.  

He inclined his head in agreement.  “So you were experimented on…” he commented contemplatively.  Kat could practically see the gears turning in his mind as he considered all the implications.  “How did they manage to give a Midgardian magic?” He asked, looked up at Kat again. 

Kat returned his smirk with one of her own.  “You owe me information before you get more questions,” she reminded him of their bargain.  If she read him right, he would keep to his bargains. 

Loki inclined his head again with a soft chuckle.  He liked this Romanoff.  She was definitely interesting and had intrigued him. “Very well.  Your question then?” He held up a hand to stop her before she blurted out something.  “And you are not allowed to begin with what my master plan is.  That would ruin all of the fun.” Loki was definitely concerned with finding the fun in whatever situation he found himself in. 

Kat laughed. “You’re no fun,” she teased. She was keeping up the lighthearted conversation, keeping him open and talking with her.  “What are you hoping to accomplish by letting yourself be captured?“ she asked him after a moment of thought.  She’d seen the footage of his battle with Cap.  She’d analyzed it and realized quickly that he’d let himself be brought here.  So he clearly had a reason.  The question was why he would let himself be captured.  

“To cause a little bit of mischief, kitten,” he replied with a Cheshire Cat grin that clearly said that he was giving a smart-ass non-answer.  

Kat rolled her eyes. "I’m not sure that qualifies as an answer,” she teased. “But I’ll give you your answer anyway.  The facility I was at worked with a program with Hydra.  They were trying to recreate the serum used on Captain America.  They also had possession of the Tesseract at the time, which is what they used on me to give me my powers,” she explained to him.  It wasn’t a secret.  It was in her file and the team knew that she had immense powers because of the Tesseract.  

Loki leaned in closer, eager to learn more.  “You contain magic gifted to you by the Tesseract?” He demanded.  The blue in his eyes intensified when he mentioned the Tesseract.  The mention of the other infinity stone, of his prize, sparking his interest.  

Kat nodded. “Yes, I did" she replied easily.  “Why are you so interested in it?” Her eyes flashed Tesseract blue for a moment, confirming that she did have the power of the stone running through her veins.

Loki moved and pressed his hand against the glass as if that would get him closer to the girl.  “I have to have it. I….”  He shook his head, his eyes haunted and pained.  All of him looked injured, like he was recovering from torture.  “That is a question I cannot answer, kitten,”

Kat frowned, but saw the pain in his eyes and didn’t press any more on that part “Cannot?  Is someone else in control?” she asked gently, open, inviting him to tell her.  Nat used sex appeal to get her answers, Kat clearly had different methods.  She was open, inviting, innocent.  

Loki looked away and said nothing for a long moment.  He tried to hide his flinch of pain from the Other yelling in his mind.  Kat caught it, though.  She was observant and caught everything. “No. I am in control. I want a throne, to be seen as better than my imbecile brother,” he replied snobbishly, stubbornly. 

Kat tilted her head, considering his words and his body language.  She stood and gave him a dismissive look.  “This arrangement isn’t going to work if you aren’t giving truthful answers,” she said cooly. 

“Stop asking questions I can’t answer, Midgardian,” Loki snarled at her, losing his veneer of propriety and teasing.  His hands had curled into fists at the pain he failed to hide. 

She didn’t like seeing him in pain, not when it was so obvious and not when he was clearly being mind-controlled and used.  She was sure of it then.  "So what can you tell me?” She asked him gently. 

“That none of you will win this fight,” he growled as he looked up again at her.  The blue in his eyes was much brighter then.  “The Chitari will come. There is nothing you can do to stop it,”

“Even Barton?  What are you planning to do with him?” Nat asked, trying to get them back on topic, back to talking about Barton and Loki’s plans.  

Loki tilted his head and gave her a malicious smirk.  “Is this love, Agent Romanoff?”

“Love is for children,” Nat said firmly.  “I owe him a debt”

Loki backed gracefully to his seat again and lifted his hands, indicating she should continue. He took his seat. “Tell me,”

Nat licked her lips and paused a moment before she spoke again. “Before I worked for SHIELD… I, uh, well, I made a name for myself,“ Nat explained as she took a seat.  "I have a specific skill set, and I didn’t care who I used it for.  Or on.  I got on SHIELD’s radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me.  He made a different call.  And later, together, we got Kat’ya out from under Hydra’s control and from the facility where she was kept,” she only included Kat in this explanation because she knew Loki would ask. 

“And what will you do if I vow to spare him?”

“Not let you out,” Nat replied with a shrug of her shoulder. 

Loki was clearly back in his element, back in his game.  His grin return.  “No, but I like this.  Your world in the balance and you bargain for one man. 

“Regimes fall every day.  I tend not to weep over that.  I’m Russian,” she shrugged again.  “Or I was,”

“And what are you now?” Loki asked, curious over both these Romanoffs, though still mostly on the younger one.  The one with the curious magic. 

 “It’s really not that complicated.  I’ve got red in my ledger. I’d like to wipe it out,” Nat had stood again, crossing her arms over her chest.  Kat watched the pair, silent and observing, analyzing as ever.  

“Can you?” Loki asked, his voice soft and sensual.  “Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov’s daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire?  Barton told me everything.  Your ledger is dripping.  It’s gushing red,” he stood again and approached the wall of the cell.  “And you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself  will change anything?” He sneered.   “This is the basest sentimentality.  This is a child at prayer,” his words were coming faster, more heated as he spoke.  Kat’s eyes widened at the change in the man she’d been bantering with.  “Pathetic!” He went on without pause.   “You lie and kill You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!” He slammed the wall of the cell and Nat flinched.  “I won’t touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you! Slowly. Intimately. In every way he knows you fear! And when he’ll wake just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams, I’ll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!”

Nat turned away, convincingly looking afraid or at least upset, flinching away from him.  "You’re a monster,” she said in a small, horrified voice. 

Kat looked just as horrified in the change in the troubled, tortured god. 

Loki chuckled, his abnormal blue eyes shining bright.  “No. You brought the monster,”

Nat turned back to him with a smirk, completely poised and showing her distraught had just been an act.  “So Banner, that’s your play,” she said and turned to head out.  She turned back and offered him another smirk.  “Thank you, for your cooperation," 

Kat got to her feet as well to slip back into the shadows and slip out while Loki was still gaping open-mouthed at being tricked, staggered and confused and trying to figure out how he’d lost both Romanoffs, and more importantly, the kitten with the Tesseract’s powers. 

[shadow-assassin-blix]

A Picture is a Poem Without Words

Chapter 5

A/N: “Talk” “Spanish” ‘Thoughts’ Alludes to some sexy times. Lots of talks about feelings on multiple parties. Javier makes a phone appearance. Felix and Amado appear for a smidge. Blix begins to show some of her dark side.

Not gonna lie. Timeline of the show is about to get wonky, I will admit. I will give fair warning when that happens. Just rearranging certain events as it were. 

A few days later, and Blix was bored out of her mind. Her stitches itched. She wanted the cast off. She was tired of avoiding arguments with Diego. She honestly was two seconds away from setting the damn house on fire.

She had gone through her files 5 times, and talked with her team, who had finished up the crime scene at La Tertulia. Nothing had been stolen, just made to appear that way. It was all a trap to get them there and try to take them out. According to intel, König had figured out that the FBI was on his tail, but he didn’t know much more beyond that.

That had been two days ago. She was currently pacing the floors. Chepe often made jokes, about her being like a carnival game. One sicario was brave enough to try and throw a tennis ball at her. She had been irritated enough to throw a knife near his face, in retaliation. No one dared to do anything similar since.

She was waiting for Pacho to return from his meeting with Escobar. Something about there being an issue in LA. She usually tuned out when he heard him talk business to his associates.

While she was waiting, a doctor had apparently been called to come in and look over wounds. Her stitches were removed, as was her cast. She was told to gently exercise with it, so as to not cause the muscles to stiffen and cause her more pain.

Once he left, she had nothing to do again, but pass time. She didn’t want to read, she wasn’t hungry. If she looked at her files again, she was going to throw them in the trash.

She eventually decided to go for a swim to pass the time. She ignored some of the whispers she heard from his men as she walked by. She had many scars throughout her body; she was well aware of what they looked like.

She swam for about an hour, during which Pacho had eventually returned, irritated. His irritation did fade a bit once he looked out from the balcony attached to his office and saw Blix swimming.

Chepe stood next to him and commented, “She is quite beautiful, no?”

Pacho smirked and nodded, “She is.”

Blix finally got tired of swimming and stepped out. As she was drying off, Diego walked over to her.

“Hm. I can see the appeal. Somewhat. You are almost beautiful. The scars though, tsk,” He began, saying it lowly to her. “You know Pacho is just using you right? You know that you mean nothing to him? That once you are no longer needed, he will cut you out? Don’t get use to his attention. It won’t last.”

Blix doesn’t respond, like she usually did. She just wrapped the towel around herself and went inside.

She took a quick shower and got dressed. While everyone was distracted with Pacho’s return she moved her files and notes and took them to the garage.

She looked around for the most inconspicuous car he owned. Which wound up being a dark green corvette, a convertible. She walked over to the wall that held the keys and found the one labeled Corvette. She grabbed them and unlocked the driver side door, reaching over and setting her files down onto the passenger seat.

When she straightened up, she jumped as she sees Chepe standing next to her.

“Trying to make the great escape eh?” Chepe teased, leaning against the car.

“I just need some air. Away from here. I am tired of being stuck here,” She quietly admitted, with a sigh. “Does Pacho know I’m out here?”

“No. I saw you sneak this way by chance. If you want to go out, I can take you, if you would like?” He offered politely.

She looked down, annoyed, and honestly exasperated. She had a quick thought; she wasn’t sure if it would work.

“Okay. Do you mind running in to get me a drink then? I don’t wanna risk running into Diego again,” She quietly pleaded. “A soda please?”

“Sure. I can do that, Little Lady,” Chepe answered, calling her the nickname that some of the guys had begun to call her.

He walked away and once he gotten a little bit away from her, she jumped in the car and locked the door. She quickly started it as Chepe, made his way back over to try and get her out. He was too slow, and she drove off thankful that each car had its own garage opener.

She drove past the guards and made her way out onto the lonely road that lead back to Cali.

As Chepe stood there, chuckling, Pacho wandered in. “What’s going on?”

“Little bird flew the nest. She apparently needed to get away for a while,” Chepe replied before turning around to go back into the house. “Let her have a day to herself Pacho. Also. Might want to talk Diego. I believe he may have said something to her again.”

“She took my favorite. A little concern about that,” He mumbled to himself, a hand rubbing over his chin nervously.

Chepe laughed at that, as they both made their way back to Pacho’s office. An hour later they finished business, and Pacho requested for Diego to come see him.

A moment later Diego appeared before him.

“My love. Why must you constantly be at odds with her?” Pacho asked sitting at his desk.

“Why did you even bring her here? Why are you even bothering with her? She said it herself, the deal the brothers want, won’t matter until Escobar is out of the picture. Why keep her around?” Diego rapid fired his questions in response.

“I like her. Simple as that. I brought her here to take care of her while she healed. I keep her around, because I enjoy talking to her. I know my answers may upset you. But you also seem to think that I’m replacing you with her, and that’s not true,” He answered truthfully, looking him in the eyes.

“I still love you Diego. She’s not taking me away from you. In fact, I’m quite certain I’ve spent most of this week with you. In your arms. Not hers. So why do you continue to belittle her?” He continued as he stood before Diego and pulled him close.

Diego looked away, and felt a small amount of guilt as he reflected over the comments he said to her.

“I will… try to tolerate her more. I make no promises. But I will stop trying to goad her into an argument,” Diego conceded.

“Thank you. That’s all I want,” Pacho said pressing a kiss to Diego’s lips. “Now, I have to go find her, and make sure she’s okay. You owe her an apology by the way.”

Diego rolled his eyes slightly but nodded his head.

Back with Blix, she had finally arrived home, parking the corvette gently in front of her home. She grabbed her stuff out of the seat, and went inside, sighing in relief at the sight of her home.

She set her files down in her office alongside her sat phone. She checked on the food in her fridge, some of which had spoiled so she tossed it out. She decided then that she wanted to go to the store and get her own groceries.

She did just that, the store she liked was only two blocks down, so she walked to it. She grabbed a couple of different meats to make meals with, and then she got a lot of junk food. Once she was done getting what she needed between food and personal hygiene items, she checked out. Her trip took about 40 mins, but it made her feel a lot better already.

While she enjoyed being at Pacho’s home, she was often left to her own devices, and her movements were restricted around the house, depending on where he had his meetings.

She quite frankly grew bored, and while she tried to strike up conversation with the men around the house, they often avoided her. Whether it was because she was a federal agent or because Pacho ordered them to not speak with her, she wasn’t sure. Either way, she simply couldn’t do much.

She returned to her house and put away everything. She called up Jacque to see if she could come into work that night. He very enthusiastically told her yes. So, she got ready, dressing up in a black halter top mini dress, with a simple v-neck. It’s straps and bodice were lace-y, the skirt ending just above mid-thigh, and flowy. She slipped on her black strappy high heels.

She did some simple makeup, lip-gloss, and a bit of eyeshadow. She thought about walking to work, but then she stared at the lovely little corvette before her. She grabbed her purse, making sure her house keys were in it, along with some cash, her IDs and such before she snatched the car keys. ‘It’s such a pretty car. I mean it should be admired, should it not?’

She drove to work, smiling. When she got to work, she greeted Jacque and the waitresses. The official story for them was that she was in a car crash. So, they all came up to check on her, and made sure she was okay.

She told them she was fine, and ready to get back to normal. The night went on like it normally did, locals in the beginning, before switching to the younger crowd.

Her head at one point did begin to pound, and she had to take a seat while she worked, because she felt a bit lightheaded.

Jacque eventually sent off on her break, and as she made her way over to the familiar taco truck, she felt a bit exhausted. She didn’t have too much time to think on it as a small force ran into her, arms wrapping around her tightly.

“Miss Bee! You’re okay. We were so worried! I -We missed you!” Came the small voice of Paulo.

She hugged him back once she regained her bearings. “Hi honey. Yes. I’m okay. I missed you too.”

She stepped forward as Paulo talked her ear off, catching her up on the local and familial drama.

“Slow down for a moment honey. I gotta order,” Blix said, trying to get him to pause for a moment. “Hello Henri. How are you?”

“I’m good little fox. I’m happy to see you out and about. Are you sure you’re okay to be working already?” Henri asked concern, looking her over.

“I’m fine. I may see about heading out early. My head is aching. But uh.. I would like the steak burrito, please?” She assured before placing her order.

“Oh? Who upset you honey?” He asked as he began to make it.

“Why do you ask that? It’s just a burrito,” Blix protested.

“You don’t order the burrito, unless you are feeling upset. It’s a part of your quirks. Steak tacos on normal days, chicken quesadillas when you have strange cravings, cause you tend to dunk them in whatever sauce is available, and burritos when you’re really upset by something,” He listed out as he cooked.

She stared at him in surprise, blinking slowly. “I… I don’t know what to say that.”

“As I said, it’s just something I noticed over the past year. By the way this is on the house,” he noted as he began assembling the burrito.

A moment later, he hands her the burrito wrapped in some aluminum foil, and a couple of napkins. He then puts out a sign saying that he’s gone on break and comes outside.

He beckons her over to one of the picnic tables, and tells Paulo to go inside, that he can catch up later.

Blix made her way over to him, hopping up to sit on the tabletop, as she took a bite of her burrito.

“Alright, lil fox, what’s going on?” Henri began, gently nudging her with his shoulder.

“I seem to have the worst taste in men,” She began softly.

“This guy I’m… dating? Sleeping with? I don’t really know what exactly it is, he… he has… a partner, who… doesn’t care for me too much, is the nice way to put it,” She slowly explained trying to take care in her words.

“I knew he had this partner from the beginning, or rather I suspected it. That’s not my problem. The problem is… I have spent the past week, being goaded and taunted by this other person, because of my looks,” She stated with a sigh, staring down at her food dejectedly. “Often times, I can ignore what people say about me. But this past week, has really done a number on me.”

“Is the man you are seeing aware of the comments, and insults?” Henri asked after a moment.

“Yes. He knows…about some of it. I gave up after the third day of it, and his partner giving no shits about what he says,” She confessed. “The thing is, I spent years… years… trying to get over my scars. There was a large portion of my life where I would spend an hour every morning, putting on makeup to cover them up.”

“What made you stop doing that?” He asked curiously.

“My friend in Bogota. He… he was the first guy who looked at me, sans makeup, and didn’t flinch. He told me that I looked like a goddess. Athena in human form. It was the sincerest compliment I had ever gotten in years. I stopped caring after that,” She answered with a fond smile, thinking of Javier.

“Sounds like a good man. Why aren’t you with him then?” Henri wondered with a chuckle.

Blix laughed in response, before replying, “Because the man is terrified of commitment.”

“Ahh. Okay then,” He responded, nodding his head. “It sounds to me however, that you need to talk to your other suitor. If this relationship is to continue, all of you have to be on the same page. Being outed by his other significant other, is not fair to you.”

“I… I don’t know anymore, Henri. Feels like I shouldn’t even bother with it anymore. Not gonna lie, I kind of ran off on him today. Just… couldn’t deal with it anymore. Maybe I am just meant to be alone,” She shrugged, before taking a large bite to distract herself.

“Now, that sounds like giving up. I didn’t take you for a quitter,” He lightly admonished. “Take some time to yourself. The next time you see him, if your heart starts to race, or you feel butterflies in your stomach, then that’s worth pursuing. It means his mere presence makes you happy.”

She smiled softly at that and nodded her head. She continued eating, the two of them talking for a while longer, before the both of them had to return to work.

She worked for another hour before leaving early. Her head was pounding, and she felt exhausted. She sat in the driver’s side of the car, resting her eyes for a moment. The lightheadedness had return as well. She heard a tap on her door, and she rolled the window down and sees Diego standing there.

“Move over to the next seat. I’ll take you home. Pacho is waiting for you there,” Diego softly ordered.

She stared at him in suspicion first, before slowly crawling over the center console, and sitting in the passenger seat. He gets in and started the car, after making sure she was secured in her seat.

“I’m… sorry.” Diego suddenly stated after a minute.

“Wow. Did that taste like vinegar coming out of your mouth?” She asked bitterly.

“Yes. It did actually,” He answered shortly.

“Thanks. I guess. You know… that I’m not trying to take him from you, right? If… when… he decides he doesn’t want me anymore, I’ll go. I’m not… here to ruin what the 2 of you have,” She quietly commented, staring out the window.

“I know…,” He responded. “Though… I have a feeling that you are going to be around for long time. The last girl he was with, he never brought her to the house. Never got her flowers. He likes you, that much I can tell. Which was why… I got territorial. Which was unwarranted. I can’t say that we will be best friends, but I will try to be less of an ass.”

“Okay. That works. Was Pacho pissed that I took his car?” She asked wanting to change the subject.

“Pissed? Concerned is more like it. This is his favorite. His baby,” Diego snorted, as they pulled up to her house.

“Oops.” She said quietly, a small snicker slipping out.

As the car came to a stop, she stepped out to see Pacho, waiting for her on the steps. He looked up at her, as she stepped forward. As his eyes locked onto hers, she felt her heart race a bit. ‘Damnit, Henri.’

She gently stepped passed him to unlock her door and walked inside without saying anything to him.

She made her way to her kitchen to get a glass of water, and some pain medicine. She swallowed the meds quickly before chugging down some water. When she finished, she noticed Pacho standing before her.

“Diego told me…everything. We spoke earlier. Hopefully, now we can all live somewhat peacefully with one another,” Pacho began.

As much as she wanted to believe that, her doubts and insecurities threatened to raise their ugly heads. She leaned against the kitchen counter behind her, gazing at the kitchen tile. Pacho moved to stand before her, and gently cupped her face with his hands, silently asking her to look up.

She does so slowly, hesitantly, biting her lip nervously.

“What’s the matter, my sweet?” He asked concerned.

“Diego… he made some points though. There is no need for you to dote over me when I’ve already agreed to do what you want. Your deal is as good as done, once the brothers have typed it up. So, why bother with me?” She questioned, her tone serious.

“I dote over you because I wish to. How many times do I have to tell you, that I find you absolutely gorgeous? Extremely breathtaking? A goddess? I’m with you, because I like you,” He praised. “Maybe I am being somewhat selfish in that I also want to learn about your every secret. Your beautiful, and charming. Smart. Witty. You have a dark side to you, that intrigues me greatly. Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”

He doesn’t allow her to answer as he pressed his lips to her. Her hands slowly wrapped around his back, as one of his slid down her side.

“This dress is sexy, but... I feel like it’ll look better on the floor,” He whispered against her lips.

His hand on her side, grabbed a handful of her dress, bunching it up as he began to pull at it.

They continued to kiss until they were gasping for breath and had to pull away.

“I want you to come with me to meet with the Gallardo. We’ll be going to Panama. It’ll just be me and a few others,” Pacho requested in a whisper.

“Why? What do you need me for?” She quietly asked, curious.

“I want you by my side. Simple as that,” Pacho answered. “What do you say?”

She started to answer when her phone rang. “Hold that thought.” She said pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Hello?” She spoke into the kitchen phone.

“Hey. It’s me,” Came Javier’s voice.

“Hi. What’s up? It’s like 1am,” She said with concern.

“We got Gacha. Earlier today. We… we killed him,” He announced with a sigh.

“What? Oh my god! That’s… that’s amazing!” She congratulated. “But uh… shouldn’t you be out celebrating? Drinking? Sex with a random woman?”

As she spoke, Pacho came up behind her, and pressed kisses to the back and side of her neck.

“Thought about it… but uh… didn’t quite feel like it, I guess. I mean. I have been drinking, just not at a bar,” He responded, somewhat hesitantly.

“Javi. What’s wrong? This is a win. One step closer to Escobar, yeah?” She contended, somewhat confused by his tone.

“I uhh. Do you… do you ever think about us?” Javi inquired.

She sighed at that question, while also attempting to get Pacho to stop with his ministrations that were slowly getting bolder. His hand had slipped under her skirt and were softly massaging her inner thigh.

“How much have you had to drink Javi?” She questioned.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Javier asked back, offended.

“You don’t talk about feelings. Unless you’ve had a few. Remember, that’s how you broke up with me? Got shitfaced and told me that you saw our relationship heading nowhere,” She replied somewhat bitterly.

“…. What if I said that I was lying? That I do see something with you?” Javi inquired after a moment.

“I’d say that I would rather have this conversation when you’re sober and in front of me. Listen. Go sleep honey. I’m proud of you. Call me when you’re sober,” She answered before slowly hanging up.

She gently leaned back into Pacho’s chest with a heavy sigh. “Is Diego still outside?”

“No. Sent him home with Navegante,” Pacho murmured as he slowly began to unzip the back of her dress.

She pulled away then and began walking toward the stairs. “Good. Come upstairs then.”

He followed behind her and as they stepped into her room, she kicked off her shoes. She stepped into her bathroom for a moment to wash off her makeup before anything else.

When she stepped back out into her room, Pacho was sitting on her bed, sans shoes and socks. She slowly slipped the dress off from around her shoulders, before doing a little wiggle as she pulled it down her hips.

She stood in front of him in just her underwear and straddled his hips a moment later. She stared at the shirt he wore, a shirt that was 3 different colors. Not exactly the best looking in her opinion.

“How much… do you like this shirt?” She coyly asked, pulling at the collar with an index finger.

“It’s… alright. Why?” He inquired squinting his eyes at her in suspicion.

She simply reached over to her bedside table, and after a momentary struggle of trying to find it blindly, she found her pocketknife. She flipped it opened and gently held it at the collar of his shirt. She bit her bottom lip softly as she held his shirt firmly in her left hand. She dragged the knife down, the blade slowly ripping the fabric.

Once there was a decent tear in the shirt, she set the knife back down on the table. She then began to pull at the tear, firmly, shredding the shirt down the middle.

The entire time that was going on, Pacho watched her curiously, and was only slightly concerned when she pulled out the knife.

“So, I take it, you didn’t like the shirt?” Pacho joked once she had finished shredding it and was shoving it off his shoulders.

“It’s… it was ugly honey. I’m sorry. But… you can pull off many looks, but this… This is a no,” She slowly responded pressing a small kiss along his collar.

He laughed loudly at her response and just nodded his head. “Understandable. Just know that I can and will get you back for it. Though I will agree. It wasn’t my best.”

She giggled and sighed before sadly stating, “I’m… super tired… I would love to continue this, but I may pass out on you.”

“It’s okay. We can do some catching up in Panama if you wish?” Pacho offered kissing her slowly.

“Yeah. I like the sound of that,” She agreed before getting up to go grab an old band t-shirt to put on and take off her bra.

She could hear Pacho undressing further as well, and once she was in the shirt and her underwear, she turned to see him in just his boxers. They slipped under the covers, and Pacho quietly told her about his day, laying on his side, his head propped up on his arm. When he mentioned the horse ranch she froze.

“Wait. You… you have a ranch… with… with horses???? And you… never told me?” She asked with wide eyes staring at him.

“Yes. Would you like me to take you there sometime this week?” Pacho asked surprised.

“Uh. Yes! I love horses! Grandparents had a horse ranch, and it was the best part of my summers as a kid,” She explained excitedly. “If I had known about the ranch, I wouldn’t have gotten bored. I’d been harassin’ you to take me every day.”

He smiled sadly at her, and he apologized softly, “I’m sorry you got bored. Not going to lie, I’m used to women who love sitting around and doing nothing.”

His hand softly stroked her side as he spoke. She smiled in response, reaching up to run her hand along his jaw.

“It’s not a big deal honey. I’ve been told I’m like a husky, need to be walked 15 times a day or I’ll lose my mind,” She lightly joked.

“Then I’ll make sure you have plenty to do,” Pacho assured as he pulled her closer to him.

She snuggled into his chest, and they slowly fell asleep together.

The next morning, was a blur as they got dressed and ate a quick breakfast. She definitely packed up all her snacks, because she refused to leave her junk food behind.

As they stepped outside, her neighbor, Mrs. Garcia, said hello. She waved at her distractedly as Pacho opened the car door for her.

As they drove out to his house, he mentioned that she could have a car to claim as her own to use. “Just not this one. This one is… special.”

They spent the day at his house and planned a time to go see the horse ranch the next day. It was going to be in the afternoon, once Gilberto and Miguel left after their meeting.

The day passed normally, there were no arguments between her and Diego. They even had pleasant conservations throughout the day.

The next morning was a bit chilly, and she threw on a large fleece cardigan over her shorts and tank. As she walked around, she ran into Navegante and politely asked if the brothers had arrived yet.

Navegante informed her, “Yes, they’ve been here for about an hour now.”

She nodded her head in understanding before making her way into the kitchen. She made herself a cup of tea with honey, before grabbing 3 more cups and filling them with black coffee. She threw sugar packets into one pocket of her cardigan and different flavors of creamer packs into the other.

She made her way upstairs, gradually, and into Pacho’s office. The three were standing around the table pouring over a map. She cleared her throat to alert their attention to her.

“Sorry to interrupt. Thought some fresh coffee might help?” She offered holding them up.

Pacho smiled somewhat tightly but said thank you. She sets the cups down, pulling out the packets of sugar and creamer as her hands became free.

She glanced down at the map, which was of Mexico, and found herself looking at it confused. Most of Mexico was marked off into sectors; the various different territories. Everywhere except one place.

“Guadalajara, yes?” She confirmed without much thought. “Why is the Baja not marked off?”

Miguel cleared his throat before answering, “Guerra. Opium dealer. He owns the Baja. Doesn’t like cocaine.”

“But Gallardo’s probably made him offer right?” She guessed looking at all 3 of them.

“Yes. He probably has why?” Pacho questioned.

“You said it yourself. Gallardo’s arrogant. Probably thinks that if he controls all of Mexico, he has you in a checkmate,” Blix began to explain. “Make Guerra a better offer. Or as Marlon Brando would say, ‘Make him an offer he can’t refuse.’ It’s what I would do.”

Gilberto smirked at her before grabbing his phone and handing it and a number on a post-it note.

“Then do it.” His tone was challenging, like he was daring her.

She took both from him slowly, took a deep breath, and called the number. ‘I’m being tested. Well. Let’s see how I do then.”

The phone rang for a moment before someone finally answered.

“Hello, may I speak to Mr. Guerra please?” She politely requested.

“Mr. Guerra isn’t available righ-“ the man began before Blix cut him off.

“Listen. As someone who is clearly an overpaid secretary, I’m calling bullshit. Please tell Guerra that a representative of the Cali Cartel wishes to speak to him. Now,” She informed him firmly.

A few minutes passed before another voice, older and gravellier, answered, “Guerra speaking. How may I help you?”

“Hello. My name is Blix. My… associates have heard rumors that Gallardo offered to bring you into the cocaine business, yes?” She began and before letting him answer continued. “We wish to make you a better offer?”

“Oh? Is that so? What could you possibly offer me?” Guerra inquired sounding somewhat agitated.

“I’m willing to bet that Gallardo only offered about 10% of the profits. We’d like to give you something a little more than chump change,” She offered as she leaned against the table, taking a sip of her tea.

“50%” Guerra stated.

“Guerra. I may have been born at night, but it certainly wasn’t last night. 50% is too high and you know it. Don’t insult my intelligence,” She lightly warned. “20%”

“Hm. 40%” He threw back.

“30%.” She responded hoping to trick him into going lower

“25%.” He threw out before he tried to take it back, stumbling over his words. “N-Wa-“

“Deal.” She confirmed before he could say anything. “One of my associates will be in contact with you to iron out the details, within the next day or so.”

“You are a good businesswoman, I must say. It’s not often I fumble over a deal,” Guerra complimented.

“For some reason, I just don’t believe that. You knew I wasn’t going to go much higher than 20, you just wanted to see if you could get me to agree to something higher,” She responded ignoring the compliment. “I would also like to inform you Mr. Guerra, that you should forget about your travel plans to Panama. Wouldn’t want to cause any… conflicts of interest.”

“Ah. An intelligent woman indeed. Good, you’ll need that while working with the cartel,” He stated. “Gallardo isnt going to be pleased by this.”

“Gallardo isn’t my concern. Do know this Mr. Guerra. Gallardo will probably at some point retaliate. He’s a prideful man. It’s in his nature. But what he does to you, will be nothing in comparison to what we will do if you try to betray us,” She cautioned.

“Are you… are you threatening me?” He accused.

“No. Warning. Because... Gallardo will take revenge, sure. But Cali? No. Revenge is petty. Beneath us,” She stated darkly. “Accidents however… Accidents can and do happen every day. Like… fires, gas leaks, that sort of thing can happen anywhere, like at your restaurant, your home/ranch, that shitty lil town you’ve proclaimed yourself as king, or your acres of opium. Would be such a shame… if anything happened to your livelihood.”

It was quiet, but she could hear him breathing, “Understood.”

“Good! As I said, earlier, someone will be in touch to finetune the details. Have a lovely day, Mr. Guerra,” She ended the call with a perky tone.

She handed the phone back to Gilberto and said, “That wasn’t too hard. Enjoy your coffees.”

She walked away with her tea, toward her room, to get dressed for the afternoon.

Pacho watched her leave with an impressed smirk plastered on his face, his eyes dark as he watched her leave.

“Did that… really just happen?” Miguel asked in disbelief.

“It did indeed. I told you. She has a darkness to her, and I love seeing it,” Pacho grinned, lighting a cigarette. “It was also her way of speeding up the meeting so we can go to the ranch.”

The brothers laughed and soon enough their meeting had ended. As soon as it was over, he walked down to Blix’s room. He leaned against the door-jam as he watched her get ready. She was slipping on a pair of cowboy boots when she noticed him standing there.

“Oh? Done so soon?” She greeted happily, walking over to him.

As she stepped up to him, he pulled her close and kissing her passionately.

“Wow. What uh… what was that for? Not that I’m complaining,” She wondered breathlessly, when they pulled apart a moment later.

“You are very sexy. Even moreso when threatening men. Couldn’t help myself,” He whispered to her.

She shook her head at him before excitedly asking, “So the ranch? Horses?”

He nodded, laughing at her as she bounced up and down in front of him, like a child.

They made their way down to his car, and off they went to the ranch. The ranch was only 20 minutes from his home and as they pulled up her excitement ramped up.

She was out the door before he could even turn the car off. She rushed up to the stalls and began excitedly talking to both the horses and the stable hands that were working.

Pacho slowly walked up behind her and listened to her coo to the horses as she ran her hands down their faces.

They spent several hours there, half of it spent with her in awe of each horse, and the other half was her riding around the stables on some of the horses.

Lunch was served late there, and as they ate, he commented, “If I had known the ranch would make you so happy, I would’ve brought you sooner. Don’t think I’ve seen you smile so much.”

“I smile? What do you mean?” She asked confused as she looked at him taking a sip of the daiquiri that he insisted on making her.

“I mean, that since the second we pulled up, you haven’t stopped smiling. You smiled even when Rowdy tried to eat your shirt. It’s quite beautiful to see you so happy,” He further explained with a fond smile.

She looked down, a light blush gracing her cheeks.

“You mentioned last night that your grandparents had a ranch? What happened there?” Pacho asked curiously.

“The short story? My grandparents died, and my mother didn’t want to deal with it,” She explained quietly as looked away.

“And the long story?” Pacho lightly probed, his hand reaching out to hold hers.

“My sisters and I… we loved it. It was the best 2 to 3 weeks of our summer. Spending our time at the ranch. Training horses. My grandfather had show and race horses. We would trade off each day on who we would work with on what.” She began thinking about to it fondly.

“When they died, my mother wanted nothing to do with it. Sold off the horses. Fired the workers. Cut down the apple orchard we had opened for the public to go apple picking. The barns have been hit hard with storms, and my mother didn’t care to fix them. If she could she would’ve sold the land as well,” She explained rather sadly.

“Why didn’t she?” Pacho inquired.

“Grandparents left it in their will that the ranch was to go to us. That when we were old enough, we could decide who would run it. That the land could only be sold by us if we all agreed to. So, my mother found a loophole around it. Can’t have much of a ranch if there’s nothing there,” She concluded with a half shrug.

“I’m sorry your mother stole that from you and your siblings,” Pacho consoled as he lifted her hand to press a kiss to it.

She didn’t respond beyond shrugging and letting out a small sigh.

“So. Tonight we leave for Panama yeah?” Blix changed the subject.

He nodded his head, and reported, “Yes. We leave on a late flight, check into our hotel, and then meet with Gallardo tomorrow at noon. In fact, we should probably head back, and pack up.”

They did just that, got home, packed, and she met a few other members, like Salcedo, and a couple of guards going with them.

The flight to Panama was swift, and soon they were in their hotel room, resting. Morning came around, and as they made their way to the hotel where Gallardo was at, Pacho made a quick explanation.

“When we get there, if you could please wait downstairs for 20 minutes. I doubt the meeting shall take very long, but I would prefer it if you did not get involved any more than you have. I’ll have a guard with you, just go shopping or something. I’ll come retrieve you,” He informed her as they pulled up to the hotel.

She raised an eyebrow and decided she wasn’t going to argue about this, right now. She got out and with her newly grown shadow in the form of a 30 something year old man named Thierry; she wandered the shops.

She came across a jewelry store and waltzed in, looking at everything bored. Something eventually caught her eye as she made her way over to the men’s jewelry.

As she looked at it, a small smile grew on her face. A store assistant came over and asked if he could help her.

“Yes. Can I see that necklace please?” She politely asked pointing at it.

He reached in and grabbed the necklace, displaying it in the palm of his hand.

She inspected it closely and hesitantly said, “Umm. That necklace has a small scratch on it… would there happen to be anything similar to it?”

A manager happened to be walking by and overheard the conversation. He inspected the necklace and spotted the imperfection before telling the employee to put it with the discount items somewhat annoyed.

“Come this way ma’am. I’m sure this one over here will please you greatly,” He schmoozed in a hoity manner, giving her a look.

He brought her over to another display case and pulled out a similar necklace. She nodded her head, stating ”Yeah. This one is much better. How much?”

“$647.32. In American dollars.” He answered in a mockingly sad tone.

She reached into her bag and pulled out the envelope that her tips from the brothers in it. She counted out 650 and told him to keep the change. He tightly smiled and boxed it up before handing it to her.

She rolled her eyes at his attitude and made her way back out to her guard.

“Just because your item got fucked up, doesn’t mean you need to get all snooty about it,” She muttered under her breath annoyed.

She continued exploring, getting slowly more and more annoyed with her babysitter, since he kept trying to steer her over to the elevators. She eventually made her way through a large crowd and lost him after a moment.

She noticed as she walked further on that there was an art auction going on in one of the conference rooms that was open to the public.

As she strolled that way, she ran into 2 men, one of whom she had seen pictures of.

“Mr. Gallardo. That was quick, I hope Pacho wasn’t too cruel with you,” She greeted as she blinked at him.

“No. Not at all miss?” He prompted.

“Blix. I hear you enjoy art; would you like to join me in viewing the auction?” She politely asked before turning to the other man with him. “Hello. You can join us as well Mr.?”

“Amado. I’ll just.. wait here. Thanks.” He declined with a nod of his head.

Felix and she made their way into the auction and began looking over the art. Blix stared at some items with intensity, and Felix who did look at the art, was more intrigued by the woman next to him.

“So, you are with the Cali? A bit odd for a federal agent, no?” Felix questioned, looking at her curiously.

“Hm. It’s… an interesting arrangement let’s just go with that. Besides. They are not my concern. Not my division as it were,” She replied meeting his eyes.

“Yes. I heard you were in art crimes,” Felix acknowledged as they made their way through a section of impressionist art.

“Yes. Art is quite fascinating. Horace once said that a picture was a poem without words,” Blix noted. “That picture in my opinion can mean anything. There’s always something that speaks to you. Whether it’s religious, political, or personal. Art is a reflection of you.”

They stopped near a canvas that had a weeping willow tree, the vines covered in ice.

“Take this for example. To you it’s simply a tree. To me… it reminds me of my childhood home. We had willows everywhere,” She said as an example. “Art, no matter the format, is an extension of you. Extension of your personality.”

He smiled at her and nodded, and before he could respond, they heard a throat clear behind them. As they turned to it, Pacho stood there, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Uh-oh. It appears I’m in trouble. It was a pleasure to meet you Mr. Gallardo,” She whispered conspiratorially holding her hand out to shake.

He took it and instead of shaking it, kissed the back of it. “The pleasure was mine. I do hope Mr. Herrera brings you out to our meetings more often.”

He walked away and met up with Amado, before disappearing.

Blix quietly followed Pacho who she could tell was fuming. His shoulders were tensed, and he was breathing roughly.

They made their way back to their hotel in silence. They even left that night instead of staying like they originally planned.

As they stepped over the threshold of his home, she finally broke the tension, “Are you going to stay mad at me forever? Or are you going to finally tell me what’s wrong?”

“I had the guard with you for a reason. He was there to protect you. Instead of doing what I asked you not only ignored it, but put yourself onto Gallardo’s radar, for no reason” He fumed, glaring at her.

“I am a federal agent. I can take care of myself. I do not need a guard or protection. I can protect myself quite well. Been doing so for a very long time,” She reminded him.

“As for Gallardo, I ran into him by accident. I didn’t seek him out. I figured he knew who I was, which he did, and I was just being polite. That’s it,” She reassured.

He took a deep breath, looking away. “I don’t like you putting yourself in unnecessary danger. If he had decided to retaliate against me, using you…”

She stepped up to him, placing her hands on his chest, and soothed, “But he didn’t. I’m still here. Annoyed that we didn’t stay in Panama, especially after I got you something, but still here.”

He placed his hands on her hips, and said, “Oh? You did? What?”

“Not giving it to you now. You were a brat. I’ll give it to ya when you’ve earned it,” She teased as she walked away.

Pacho raised an eyebrow at that comment and chased after her, grabbing her around the waist and throwing her over his shoulder.

“A brat eh? Takes one to know I think,” Pacho mocked, smacking her on the ass.

“Really? Did you seriously just?” She asked in disbelief, before smacking his butt in return. “Turnabout is fair play.”

He carried her upstairs, both of them laughing at each other, before he decided to make it up to her all night long.

A few days had passed, and she still had yet to give Pacho the necklace she got him. He was convinced it was a watch. It wasn’t until a package arrived for her at Pacho’s house that she decided to give him the gift. Especially when she realized that the gift was from Gallardo. It was the painting of the willow tree that they had looked at together.

The painting came with a note, “It was a pleasure speaking you, my lady. I hope we can talk more soon.”

Pacho was annoyed by its presence. So, she pulled out the velvet box that held his necklace in it, hoping it would soothe things over.

He was sitting in at his desk in his office when she walked in. She moved over to him and gently sat in his lap, presenting the box to him. He opened it slowly.

“A crocodile?” Pacho questioned confused.

“I don’t know jackshit about watches, so don’t ever expect one from me. But I do know that in most ancient cultures, the crocodile is one of the few animals that was revered. They’ve been worshipped longer than God. Deified for well over a millennium,” She began to explain as she took it out of the box.

“They represent duality. Tough enough to withstand bullets, but do not do well with criticism. They are precise with every move they make and see opportunities where others cannot. They are cunning, strong, brave, and dependable. That’s what I see when I look at you,” She described as she hooked it around his neck.

“So, my primordial being, do not bother yourself with the opinions of sheep or the thoughts of lesser men. I certainly don’t,” She requested with a kiss. “I want you to wear it for good luck. Protection.”

Her phone at that point began to ring, and she stared at the number slightly confused, for she did not recognize it. She answered it after a moment. “Hello?”

“Hello Miss Lage. This is Felix Gallardo,” Came the response.

“Oh. Mr. Gallardo, how are you?” She replied turning to Pacho with a wide eye look. His returning look was with narrowed eyes, and a tense jaw.

“I simply wanted to make sure that painting arrived safely,” He informed softly.

“Yes. Yes, it did. I was hoping to be able to thank you in person, but this works too. It’s quite lovely,” She thanked, wondering where this was heading.

“Good. I must say, I was a bit hesitant to get it for you, since you looked at it so sadly, but then I saw a glimmer of something, that… I could relate to,” Felix admitted. “I saw a longing. For home. I often get that way myself thinking about Sinaloa.”

“Home? Not necessarily. Simpler times, more like. Haven’t missed home in quite some time,” She lightly argued.

“Hm. It is rather interesting, though. The things we would do for those we consider home. Safe. Like threatening an opium dealer to cut a deal for your lover. Guerra said he spoke to a charming young lady. Would hate for anything to befall said lady, for sticking her nose into business she does not belong in,” He vaguely threatened.

“Well. Mr. Gallardo. I would simply say that I can take care of myself. I’ve dealt with plenty of villains, Felix, and I hate to break it to you, but I’ve faced scarier. Have a lovely day,” She hung up the phone after that.

“Villains? You mean… your mother?” Pacho tried to clarify.

“Let’s just say, ruining a ranch, was nowhere the worst thing she ever did to me,” She whispered vaguely gesturing at her face.

“I see. Well then. I guess it’s a good thing you are mine. Anyone tries to harm you, they’d be dead,” He promised after a moment of silence, fully understanding what she was implying.

She smiled sweetly at him, and they spent the rest of the day talking about his work. He was giving her a glimpse into his world and how it worked. That to her was a level of trust she wasn’t expecting, but she appreciated it, nonetheless.

Neither of them were aware of the chaos that was about to unfold, due to the events going on in Medellin.

[cherishingstydia]

Chasing Love

Buck stared at his own reflection in the mirror as he stood in the locker room.

“I am such an idiot.” He mumbled.

“You ok?” Bobby asked with a raised brow.

Buck shrugged. “I just feel really stupid. I think I need some time off to clear my head, and sort through some personal issues.”

“Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Bobby asked with concern.

“It’s nothing too serious. Don’t worry. I just know to be able to get through this I can’t be here. Can I have some time off?”

“Just let me know when ahead of time so I can get the schedule sorted out.” Bobby smiled patting Buck on the arm. “I’m here for you if you decide you need to talk to someone.”

“Thanks cap.” Buck smiled.

A few days passed Buck had a month long trip to travel around South America he missed it there. This was the perfect thing to clear his mind and try to erase those feelings for his best friend. It wasn’t shame for having feelings for a man. He didn’t care love is love. It’s the fact that he sees this man nearly everyday, they’re coworkers and best friends. It’s a mess plus Eddie is straight so he doesn’t feel the same way.

Buck entered the firehouse going straight to talk to Bobby. Buck didn’t want the team to know about his time off. He didn’t tell anyone where he was going. He was leaving in two weeks. His last shift was gonna be one without Eddie because he swapped around so he could be off the day before his flight plus there was something important he needed to do that day.

Buck arrived at the school and spotted Abuela.

“What are you doing here Buck?” She grinned.

“I was hoping to see Chris today if that’s ok?” Buck smiled.

“Of course! What would you like to do?” Abuela patted his arm.

“Park, Ice Cream and cook you two dinner.” Buck said.

“How could I turn that down! Sounds great. He will be so happy.”

“Bucky!!” Chris squealed moving as fast as he could to Buck.

“Hey buddy!” Buck scooped him up.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were working with daddy.” Chris asked.

“I had the day off so I wanted to spend time with you. I mean unless the park and Ice cream and me making you dinner sounds like no fun.” Buck laughed.

“Yay!” Chris giggled.

Buck was really happy to see Chris, but it hurt so much knowing he had to leave him for awhile. He didn’t want Chris to feel hurt, but better a month than possibly forever if Eddie finds out the truth.

They had so much fun all day together. Abuela loved that Chris and Eddie had Buck he was so good for them. She was just sad Eddie had too miss all this fun.

Buck went to tuck Chris in.

“I have a mission for you ok. Top Secret. You think you can handle it.” Buck grinned.

“Yes sir!” Chris laughed.

“Ok this letter is for your dad. ONLY your dad. So this means you don’t read it ok? Can you promise me?” Buck held his pinky out.

Chris latched his pinky to Bucks.

“I promise!” Chris nodded.

Buck sighed as he was leaving the room.

“Hey Buck.”

“Yeah buddy?”

“Are you leaving me?”

“No. Even if I don’t see you for a little bit I will be back. I promise.” Buck smiled.

“Ok.” Chris have Buck a thumbs up.

Buck entered his apartment grabbing his bag before he left for the airport.

The next morning Eddie went to get Chris up.

“Daddy I had a mission from Buck.”

“Really?” Eddie grinned.

Chris handed Eddie the envelope. Eddie tore it open to find a letter:

Eddie,

I just want to let you know I’m sorry for this. I never meant for this to happen. We’ve been friends for quite awhile now, and I cherish that so much I don’t wanna do anything to mess it up. I can’t lose you. Because you’re too important to me. You and Chris are the best thing in my life, but in order to keep you I have to leave for a little bit before things get complicated. I’ll be gone a month. We can talk when I get back.

Buck

Eddie told Abuela he had to go and she said it was fine she’s get Chris to school.

Eddie called Buck probably 15 times, and no answer. He knocked, and got no answer again so used his key to find a completely silent apartment. No Buck.

Eddie was searching for any clue to where Buck may be. He logged on Bucks laptop and looked at his credit card statement. He saw hotels booked and a flight to São Paulo, Brazil.

Eddie slammed the laptop shut in anger and punched the wall. He was full of rage again.

He entered the fire station fuming the rage was building.

“Whoa Eddie everything ok?” Bobby asked looking at Eddies bruised knuckles.

“It’s Buck. I went by his place and he’s gone. He didn’t even say goodbye.”

“He’s coming back.” Bobby said.

“Everyone always leaves me.” Eddie yelled.

“I don’t know what his reasons are, and it sounds selfish, but what about me I need him. I mean Chris does.” Eddie stammered.

“Eddie breath ok.” Bobby said softly.

Eddie nodded taking a few deep breaths.

“Sorry cap I’m not sure what came over me.”

“Love.” Bobby smiled.

“Wh-what?” Eddie choked.

“You love him. That’s why him leaving upset you so much.” Bobby said.

“I can’t because he’s my friend. You’re not supposed to fall in love with your best friend what if it ruins everything.”

“I was terrified to love again, but if you find the right person it stops being scary and becomes something you have to do. I think Buck might be your Athena.” Bobby smiled.

“I gotta go cap. I have to find him.” Eddie panicked.

“Do you even know where to look?”

“Brazil.”

“Eddie you need more than Brazil , or you’ll never find him.

“ I’ll take his laptop and track his credit card statements.”

“Ok Eddie you’re off work for a week.” Bobby smiled.

Eddie hugged Bobby tightly. He called Abuela and Carla to make sure they could take care of Chris. They of course said yes and were so happy he finally realized his feelings.

About 36 hours later. After packing, saying bye to Chris and traveling for hours. Eddie arrived in São Paulo. Buck was booked at “Grand Hyatt São Paulo”.

“Um hello I’m looking for an Evan Buckley? Could you tell me what room he’s in.” Eddie smiled.

“ I am sorry sir. I can not give out guest information.” The woman at the desk apologized.

Eddie sighed. “It’s ok. Can I wait for him here in the lobby.”

“We will allow it until 8.” She smiled.

“Thanks!” Eddie nodded.

A few hours passed it was now about 7 and Eddie was hungry, exhausted and had yet to find a hotel room himself.

Buck entered the lobby and groaned. Of all the hotels this Eddie doppelgänger had to be at of course it’s mine. Buck kept walking and entered the elevator only to have someone stop the door from closing. It wasn’t a doppelgänger it was actually Eddie.

Buck stood there in shock. Eddie is here. Why is Eddie here?

“What are you doing here?” Buck asked as Eddie stepped in the elevator and the doors closed.

“We need to talk.”Eddie sighed.

“So do phones not exist anymore or what?”

“Well you didn’t answer my calls so I came to find you.”

“How did you do that?” 

“When I realized you’d already left I went into your laptop. Then checked the  history and credit card statements and tracked you down.”

“Stalker!” Buck smirked.

Eddie glared at him.

“Forget it. I’m such an idiot.” Eddie huffed.

“You’re not an idiot!” Buck hissed.

Eddie was refusing to speak.

They got to Bucks floor and Buck invited him in. Eddie sat on the couch while Buck used the bathroom. When Buck returned Eddie was sound asleep. Buck covered him up and then went to sleep on the bed.

He woke up and the couch was empty. Buck got up and threw his shoe at the wall. Where was Eddie?

“What the hell?” Eddie groaned walking out of the bathroom.

“Oh” Buck whispered.

“Oh? You almost hit me with your shoe and all you can say is oh.” Eddie yelled.

“I come here to get away, and now you’re here. You seem to be in a bad mood and it’s making me feel worse. Tell me why you’re here?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I tracked you down and came all the way to Brazil to talk to you.”

“About?”

“Buck come on you’re smart I think you know.”

“Just spit it out already Diaz.” Buck yelled.

"Maybe this was a big mistake. Did you run because you saw how I felt so you bolted before I could say anything. I didn’t even realize how I felt until you were gone.”

“Wait what? How do you feel about me?”

“Buck I’m in love with you.”

“You what?” Buck smiled.

“You heard me.” Eddie said.

“Well you were right I left because of you, but it’s because I love you. It hurt so much I felt stupid for falling for you and I didn’t know how to tell you.” Buck said softly.

“Damn maybe we’re both idiots.” Eddie laughed.

“What do you mean?” Buck asked.

“We spent all this money coming to Brazil to admit our feelings when we could have done it at home for free.”

“Ok one more thing.” Buck smiled.

“What would that be?” Eddie grinned.

Buck quickly stepped closer to Eddie pulling him in for a kiss.

“Whoa.”

“Damn Diaz you’re good at that!” Buck laughed:

Eddie rolled his eyes. Do you have to call me Diaz.

“It’s kinda hot when you get irritated so yes I really do.”

“Ok Evan. Two can play at that game.” Eddie whispered.

“That’s hot too.” Buck smirked.

Eddie rolled his eyes.

“How long are you here for?” Buck asked.

“I’m off a week and as much as I want to stay here with you. I can’t. Chris needs me and now that this has been taken care of I think I’ll go back.”

“I understand.” Buck smiled as he began shoving everything in his bag.

“What are you doing?”

“ I wanna go home too. This trip isn’t what I need.”

“Really? I thought you were here all month?” Eddie asked.

“I was supposed to be, but I was trying to fill a void in my life, but it’s not there anymore. Because I have you. I miss Chris already I can’t go a month with out him, and I can’t go a month with out you either.”

“Buck that’s crazy you probably spent a lot of money. I can’t let you do this.”

“Yeah I am crazy. I’m crazy about you and I’d be crazy to let you leave and not go with you. I don’t care about the money I just care about you.” Buck smiled.

 @chrrlees thanks for this idea I enjoyed writing this😘🥰

[is-it-madness]

My Glorious Purpose | Loki x OC Chapter 2

A/N:Thank you to everyone who has read my first chapter! You are the reason I will keep posting! 💜

Pairing: Loki x OC  (Tera Digitalis)

Word Count: 2k+

Warnings: None in this chapter :)

Chapter 2: The Interrogation

(Tera's POV)

As soon as Tony leaves, I see the man who Tony called out quickly return to his game. Natasha gets up to leave, I follow her.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

She simply replies, "Interrogation."

"I thought you got everything you needed from Georgi Luchkov."

"No, I mean our new prisoner."

I stop in my path. "Do you think that's a good idea? I mean he's a powerful being. He can read minds, create illusions, he's a skilled magician!"

She turns to look at me, a smile forming on her lips. I know that look. It usually means I gave her an idea—one that I would not like.

"Yes, it's a good idea. And since you know so much about him, you're coming with me."

I pale. I knew I wasn't going to like her idea.

Natasha takes me by the hand. "Don't worry, кроли. You can just watch, you don't have to say anything. And besides, you've been saying how much you wanted to see me do interrogations, right?"

I smile softly at Natasha's name for me. She started calling me that when we first met. She says my small build and bounce in my step reminded her of a bunny.

"I do want to see one of your interrogations! I just didn't think it would be with the God of Mischief."

She just laughs and pulls me along the hall with her. Before we enter, she places a finger to her lips, telling me to be quiet. I nod. She presses her thumb on the keypad and scans her eye. The doors open and we enter. We see Loki pacing his cell. The first thing I notice is how tall he is. Six feet at least, a giant indeed. He is wearing green and gold battle armor, and his hair is as dark as an inky black sky. He stops his pacing.

"Hm."

He turns to face us, and I'm shocked to see that he is smiling.

"There's not many people that can sneak up on me."

"But you figured I'd come." Natasha answers him.

"After. After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you would appear as a friend, as a balm. And I would cooperate," he says, still smiling.

I glance at Natasha, she's unfazed by anything he says and gets right to the point.

"I wanna know what you've done to Agent Barton."

"I'd say I've expanded his mind," Loki says, innocently.

Natasha tilts her head and takes several steps closer to the cage.

"And once you've won. Once you're king of the mountain. What happens to his mind?" she asks, crossing her arms. I stay back, letting Natasha continue her interrogation.

Loki gives her a smile. "Is this love, Agent Romanoff?"

"Love is for children. I owe him a debt," she says.

Loki takes several steps back to sit on the bench in his cage and gestures. "Tell me."

Natasha licks her lips and unfolds her arms. "Before I worked for S.H.I.E.L.D., I uh well, I made a name for myself," she began while she sat herself on a chair. "I have a very specific skill set. I didn't care who I used it for, or on. I got on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me, he made a different call."

Loki was looking down while Natasha was speaking, but when she finished, he looks up at her.

"And what will you do if I vow to spare him?"

"Not let you out," She say with a smile.

Loki leans forward, with his arms resting on his leg, a smile plastered on his face.

"Ah, no. But I like this. Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?"

"Regimes fall everyday. I tend not to weep over that, I'm Russian, or I was."

"And what are you now?" he asks her.

Natasha stands, refolds her arms, and walks closer to Loki, "It's really not that complicated. I got red in my ledger. I'd like to wipe it out."

"Can you?" he asks, "Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov's daughter? Sao Paulo? The hospital fire?" He stood and began walking towards Natasha. "Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything?"

There is a look of horror on Natasha's face. I want to go to her, comfort her, but I couldn't. I know she wouldn't want me to. She had told me to just watch. I'm not allowed to do more. I knew Natasha's story. She had shared hers when I was scared to share mine.

Loki continues, "This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child, a prayer. Pathetic. You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code‒ something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!"

Loki slams his fist against the glass. Natasha and I jump back.

"I won't touch Barton! Not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear."

I can see the fear written all over her face as Loki growls at her.

"And then he'll wake just long enough to see his good work,"

She turns away from Loki in horror.

"And when he screams I'll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!

Natasha hangs her head, and I can hear her crying.

"You're a monster!"

Loki grins at her menacingly, "Oh, no. You brought the monster."

I snap my attention towards Loki. Natasha lifts her head and turns to face him. I notice her face is completely dry. Oh, she's good.

"So, Banner? That's your play," she asks him.

"What?" He's confused. Natasha made him believe he had the upper hand which allowed him to give up his own play. Smart. Using the "women are helpless" card. One of the many reasons why I love Natasha.

Natasha starts to walk out of the room. I follow her.

She begins speaking into her earpiece, "Loki means to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in the lab, I'm on my way. Send Thor as well."

She turns towards me, "I'm going to need you to stay here with him."

"What? Why? Why me?"

"Cause you know what he is capable of. You know his powers better than anyone. Except Thor and we need him in the lab with Dr. Banner. Don't worry. You won't be down here for long. I'll get you as soon as we work this out."

I nod. She begins to walk out before turning around to face Loki.

"Thank you for your cooperation."

She turns and leaves.

I stand several feet away from the cage, with my back turned and arms folded.

Okay, I think to myself. I can do this, it's just standing guard. It's not that big of a deal. It's literally just standing. A thought occurs to me. Please don't let him talk to me!

"Don't you know that it is rude to have your back facing another?"

Shoot.

Don't you know it's rude to try and take over planets? Or were you not taught that in your etiquette class?

He laughs, "No, I do not believe I was ever taught that."

Dammit, Tera! You know he can read minds!

"Is that your name?" he asks me, with my back still facing him. "I wish to converse with you face-to-face, Tera, like civilized people."

Okay just don't think about anything! He can't read my mind if I'm not thinking anything, I try to convince myself.

He laughs again. "Please." he says, "I can do much more than hear your thoughts mortal girl. I can dive into your subconscious, I can learn your greatest fears and deepest secrets. And I will do so if you do not face me!"

I sigh in defeat. I slowly turn around to face him, but I keep my eyes downcast.

"Look at me."

"Or what?"

"Hmm. I think I will kill you myself when the Chitauri invade."

I snap my head to him, afraid.

"That's better," he says with a smirk.

He goes back to sitting on his bench and gestures for me to sit where Natasha had been.

"I prefer to stand," I tell him coldly.

He smiles and bows his head in understanding. "You wish to remain standing to keep your guard up, yes? I will respect this decision child."

I ball up my fists. Child?!? This is the third time today I've been called one, but I don't say anything in response.

"Since Agent Romanoff has completed her interrogation with me, perhaps I can ask you questions."

I frown at him. "You aren't going to be getting any answers from me."

He just chuckles. "No, no. You misunderstand. I simply want to ask about you."

I look at him in disbelief. "Me?"

"Yes, you. You may answer my questions to the best of your ability, and if you choose not to answer, I will respect that decision."

"What's going to stop you from reading my mind?" I ask, weary of what he's trying to do.

"I admire your skepticism mortal, but fear not. You have my word that I will not make any attempt to read your thoughts."

"Okay," I say quietly. " Can I think about it for a sec?"

"By all means."

I begin to pace, I can feel his eyes watching me. He said he wanted to ask questions about me, so that wouldn't compromise S.H.I.E.L.D. in any way. But what if he asks me questions I don't want to answer? He did say I don't have to answer if I don't want to. And reading my mind? I didn't exactly trust him just because he gave me his word. He is a criminal. But I'm curious to know what he wants to ask me, and besides, Natasha would be back soon. This is the only time I'll ever be alone with him, and it would only be for a few minutes.

I turn to face him. He was watching me with an intent look in his eyes.

"Have you made up your mind?" he asks me.

"Yes. You can ask me some questions, but remember, I don't have to answer if I don't want to and you can't read my mind. Agreed?"

He nods his head.

"Okay, what your first question?"

"Your first name is Tera, yes?"

I nod.

"I notice you became annoyed when I called you a child. Is this true?"

"Yes."

"Well if you are not a child, how old are you?"

I became suspicious. "What will you gain by knowing how old I am?"

He smiles, "I will learn that you are not a child."

I glare at him before giving my answer, "I'm 19."

He continues smiling. "Yes, I suppose you are not a child."

"Humph."

"Alright, here's another question. How did you know I was able to read your mind? And what did Agent Romanoff mean when she said you know me better than anyone here besides the oaf?"

I smile to myself. "Well, before I met you and Thor, I believed you were myths, legends, stories of old. When I was younger, I was fascinated by mythology. Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Norse," I say giving him a pointed look. "I would try to learn anything and everything that had to do with mythology. I guess you could say it was a hobby," I shrug. "I was always reading. Any chance that I got, any free time I had, I would use it to read. Still do actually," I say with a small smile.

I look up at Loki. He holds my gaze. I quickly look away, feeling heat rising to my face.

What in the world?! I scold myself. He's a villain! Why are you blushing?

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear him laughing.

Oh great! He read my thoughts! I knew I shouldn't have trusted him!

"Perhaps you and I are not so different, Tera."

I scoff, "I'm sorry, what?"

"We are intellectuals, you and I. We both indulge in the joys of reading."

"Oh."

Oh, thank God! He wasn't reading my thoughts. Okay get yourself together! No more slip ups.

"What else do you know about me?"

"Oh, um, well you can read minds, cast illusions and spells, shapeshift, you have super strength. Yeah that's pretty much all I know." I actually know more about him. His past, his parents, crimes he's committed. But I decide now is not the best time to mention them.

"Shame," he says. "I liked hearing you list off all my abilities. They sound better coming from a mortal."

I look at him confused.

He sighs, "I was jesting. Do you mortals engage in this past time? Based on all the people I have met so far, I would think not."

I laugh. "You haven't exactly given a reason for us to joke with you."

He smiles, "No, I suppose not."

"Do you have any other questions for me?"

Loki hesitates before opening his mouth to speak, "Do you have any family?"

The smile vanishes from my face. "I don't wish to answer that question," I say quietly.

He nods, "I understand," he pauses. "I have enjoyed this chat of ours."

I give him a small smile. "Glad to know that we bonded," I tell him sarcastically. "Now I'm sure you're going to continue taking Earth over."

He chuckles, "You're not wrong."

I see him start muttering under his breath.

"What are you doing?" I ask, taking several steps away from the cage.

Loki waves his hand and I suddenly feel faint. I drop to the floor, heavy and unable to lift myself up. I can barely see him come to the edge of his cage.

He crouches and tells me, "For someone who knows so much about me, you should have known that I would be able to use my magic on you."

I'm able to whisper, "I hate you," before passing out. But before I do, I see a look in Loki's eyes. I'm confused because it looks, sad? No, it looks almost regretful.

Part 3

[completelypeccable]

Unfortunately, I thought of a real plot

Can I Have This Dance? (new title)

          There’s drama in the Batfam, with a song about dancing somehow worked into each chapter.  Something is wrong again, and the family is falling apart.  Now, they have to put the pieces back together.  But the thing about puzzles is you can only figure out the full picture by coming together.

Chp. 2    We don’t have to dance

The phone was ringing.

Tim was awake, of course. The pale yellow dawn had begun to creep into the apartment, the cozy glow illuminating last night’s exploits. Twin controllers on the floor. Styrofoam takeout boxes that should be in the trash, not on his already messy table. And, his favorite part, his brothers snuggled together on his couch.

He had been perfectly happy to take the chair.

Tim looked at the caller ID. Bruce. His fingers found the power button, sending it to voicemail.

It was the first call since he carried Damian hyperventilating out of the gala seven hours earlier.

If he cares so much about where Damian is, Tim thought bitterly, let him figure it out. Use those big boy detective skills.

Tim turned back to his laptop screen, where he had been editing his report on the recent Teen Titan mission.  The past few weeks or so had been a blur. The team foiled a plot to blow up half of São Paulo, culminating in a chase by air which Tim, as a non-super, had probably no business participating in, but inserting himself where he had no business was pretty much his mode of operation. Then, with that finished and the criminals entering international custody, Tim had been planning on a night of video games and report writing when he got the call from Dick.

Tim glanced at the couch and realized he probably would never quite get used to this sight. He spent about an hour staring between the hours of 3 and 4 alone. Curse Dick and his bleeding heart, his was getting infected, too. It was just so cute.

Jason was lying on his back, one arm behind his head, the other hooked all the way around Damian’s little body. His eyebrows were knit together, so he looked concerned and vaguely grumpy- a sleep softened version of Red Hood’s ‘don’t even try it’ look. He was protecting precious cargo.

Damian had wiggled his face into the skin of Jason’s neck and chest, his mouth just open, face completely relaxed in the deep sleep of an exhausted child. An extended panic attack will do that to you, Tim thought. Jason’s hand rested on the skin of the pushed out belly peeking out of his t-shirt. The kid always seemed to gravitate towards skin-to-skin contact, as if he was finally going through the infant stages of emotional development. Which was entirely possible, considering they were the first people he was truly safe around. The thought twisted in Tim’s gut.  Convincing Damian the league’s actions were wrong was about as difficult as convincing him they would never be like them: slow going but definitely rewarding. Tim could barely believe there was a time he would have punted the kid out an open window if given the chance. He felt a bit guilty, but he knew they had both changed since then.

Damian was completely pressed up against Jason, but his feet barely reached his mid-thigh.  Even though Jason was a big guy, the size comparison was still nothing short of completely adorable, and Dick, Duke, and the girls had been sent multiple pictures already. The baby curls of his soft, short hair poofed up like they did every morning before he tried to gel them into spikes. One hand twisted into the front of Jason’s shirt.

The weighted Robin-themed blanket had fallen off the couch in the middle of the night, and Tim slipped it back up to his brothers’ shoulders gently on his way to the kitchen.

Coffee was the order of the morning. He’d make a pot: four cups for him, one for Jason. If he had to deal with Bruce, he wanted to do it with some semblance of control.

By the time he walked back into the room, Jason was awake, staring at the ceiling as he ran his hand up-down along Damian’s spine.

“Morning,” Tim whispered, sitting next to him in the chair.

“Nerd,” Jason scoffed, smirking.

He choked and spit out his coffee. “Dude!”

“What? You sound like an old man.”

“Why did I let you stay at my place, again?”

“It’s because you love me.”

“I’d love to hit you.”

Jason was entirely too satisfied. “Can’t hit me when I’m holding a baby.”

Tim scowled into his cup. He couldn’t argue, though. Last night, they realized they didn’t have any of Damian’s clothes at the apartment, so Jason gave him an old t-shirt and Tim got him a pair of boxers with ties around the waist. The t shirt alone went to his knees.

He was tiny.

The phone started buzzing again.

“Tell me it’s not-“

“I wish I could.” He declined the call.

Jason shifted up, swearing.

“Hey! Be-“

“He’s sound asleep,” he grumbled, arranging the kid so he was leaning against his chest, blanket curled around him. “Look at this sleepy burrito boy.”

They gazed softly as Damian sucked in a shaky breath, whined, and cuddled in further, gripping Jason’s shirt tighter.

The phone buzzed.

“Mother- Does he not get that we’re ignoring him?”

Tim hit decline call. “He will eventually.”

Damian’s feet twitched, and Jason held him just a bit tighter, one hand at the base of his neck, the other smoothing a circle into his back. His lips and brows ran in parallel lines across his worried face.

“I don’t think he’s going to wake up any time soon,” Tim said, noting the brood session.

Jason grumbled.

“I’m going to text the girls, tell them to postpone their plans.”

“Mm.”

“Let’s do the zoo trip tomorrow. It looks like Damian is wiped out.”

“Mm.”

“Take today to deal with Bruce.”

“Mm.”

“Give zombie boy here time to develop organized speech.”

“M- wait,” Jason broke out of his thousand yard stare. “What did you say you little crap stain?”

Tim cackled, but held the phone steady.

“Do not send that snap, Tim, I swear I’m gonna-“

“Can’t hit me when you’re holding the baby,” Tim sang, scooting backwards, already hitting the contacts for Steph and Cass.

Jason swore.

…

They laid around the apartment for a few more hours, Tim working on his laptop and Jason reading The Outsiders while Damian slept. Jason kept a shelf of old novels at Tim’s place; it wasn’t uncommon for one to spend the night at the other’s. They kept an eye on each other like that, knowing too much time alone tended to do more harm than good.

The silence itself wasn’t uncomfortable, but Tim could have used a distraction from his own thoughts.

This was a big deal. He and Jason were trying to downplay it, keep it together for the kid, but they knew.

They were essentially disowning their dad.

And it wasn’t like this was a sudden decision either, it had been something on the horizon for months, a serious topic of discussion among the older kids for three weeks now. These past few days may have forced their hand, but the hurt was still the same.

Bruce had never been the ideal parent. He was gruff, he usually didn’t have the words, and he literally had a t-shirt that said “Emotions are my enemy”. But he had loved them. At least, Tim hoped. He had made Bruce his life, let his business become his work, held his mission in his hands like a guiding light. He had been so lonely, left neglected in an old, empty house. Bruce got him out, introduced him to a world that never stopped expanding, and gave him access to the tools he needed to change it.

But lately, Bruce seemed… different. Tim thought when he brought him back, everything would be okay. Everything would be understandable and solid again. Tim had felt so sad and confused without his dad. His grief was overwhelming. But Bruce came back, and Tim was so glad, he was sure that would fix it.

Instead, he was even more confused. His dad was unrecognizable in and out of the cowl. Bruce yelled at him over everything, cut off communication and left. Batman… Batman hit him. Tim touched his jaw, trying to control his anxiety.

Dick had found something, videos deleted off the bat computer. He hadn’t recovered all of it, but what he found was evidence enough. Tim wasn’t the only one Batman was getting more violent with.

There were three videos. The Batman beating thugs within an inch of their life. Screaming at Robin. In one, right after throwing a man off the roof, Batman turned with his armed raised and Robin flinched so hard he fell over.

That was bad enough. But there was missing information, hours of footage gone. And that scared them even more. Tim couldn’t stop his mind from running through every single possibility. He could never shut it off.

A stomach growled, and Tim looked up to his brother trying to flip the page with his nose.

Finally, an external stimulus.

“If you’re hungry, Jason, I can get you something to eat.”

Jason scoffed, finding his nose a bit too large to be useful. “What do you have, pickles and mustard?”

“Ha, ha,” Tim closed his laptop. “You only get the mayonnaise now.”

“Good thing that wasn’t my stomach.”

Another gurgle, and Damian’s face scrunched up.

Tim paused on his way to the fridge and blinked for a minute, not sure if they should let him sleep or wake him up, but by the time he made a decision, the kid’s eyelashes fluttered apart on their own.

His green eyes crossed and uncrossed in narrow slits. When they focused, they found Jason’s chin, and he scrambled to sit up.

“Woah there, squirt,” Jason tugged him back down, going back to rubbing his back. Damian grumbled and frowned, but let his head fall back down.

“Just take a minute, remember where you are and all that fun stuff.”

Tim cleared some room to sit, moving aside paperwork on the table next to the couch.  

Damian’s face twisted for a beat before he pushed himself up again with a huff. Tim had to hand it to him for not immediately falling down.

“Alright, Todd. I remember now. Unhand me and I’ll return to Father’s soon.”

“Ha! Nope.” Jason sat up and yanked him onto his lap.

Damian scowled and threw his head back dramatically.

“Do not suffer me this injustice, Todd.”

Tim smirked. Damian was very clearly not yet awake, what with the slightly unfocused eyes and leaning into Jason’s chest. “Suffer”, he said.

“Sorry, baby bat. You’re not going back to the manor.”

That seemed to wake him up more. He jerked around to look at Jason’s nose, then his eyes.

“What?”

“You’re not going back to the manor.”

“Oh,” he said, a blank look on his face. “I am staying here today?”

“Mm.”

“Zombie boy.”

“Shut UP, Tim!”

Tim laughed. Damian still hadn’t gotten off Jason’s lap, hadn’t leaned away from the hand on his back.

“Is Father away again?” He asked instead, clearly confused. Tim would bet his last jar of peanut butter that Damian was still fuzzy on why exactly he woke up on Jason in this apartment.

“Something like that.”

“Father has left me home many times, Todd. Pennyworth is usually around, unless he is with Father.”

Jason didn’t react, but looked at Tim over the kid’s head.

“What do you mean by that?”

Damian fiddled with the blanket, pinching it up and poking it back down.

“It’s just that, he is busy. He’s home when he can be.”

Tim didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t like the sound of his voice, the hollow loneliness. He suddenly felt pissed.

“Damian,” Tim said evenly. “When was the last time you talked to Bruce.”

“Batman and I-“

Jason tapped his nose, and he crossed his eyes to follow it. “No, Damian. Just Bruce.”

Damian looked at one brother, then the other. They could see the way he was reaching back in his still foggy memory, trying to figure out the answer they wanted to hear.

“No bullshit, kid,” Jason warned.

Damian looked to the side, schooled his face into a blank expression, and looked Tim in the eyes.

“It has been a while. Father is often… upset with Robin.”

Jason rubbed his back again.

“Alright,” Tim said. He was going to kill Bruce. “You’re staying with me this week, anyways.”

“What?”

“You,” Tim shifted to poke Damian’s nose. His eyes crossed, and Jason grinned. “You are gonna stay with me.”

“For an entire week?”

“Yup.”

“And I am not going back to Father’s?”

“Nope.”

“I… do not have clothes.”

“I grabbed a bag when I visited yesterday.”

“You probably missed-“

“Alfred packed it.”

“Oh,” he blinked, glancing back and forth at them. “And Todd?”

“Does what he wants, thank you,” Jason tickled his side. Damian swatted at his face, falling off his lap. Tim caught him by the armpits and helped him back on the couch.

“Don’t make him hit his head.  I really don’t want to make an ER visit outside the mask.”

Jason rolled his eyes, then turned, trapping Damian with his legs.

“Get off me, you massive troll!”

“Just when I thought you loved me.”

“Careful, Jason, he’s hangry, remember?”

“I am not!” Damian’s stomach protested the statement, and he looked down betrayed.  

Laughing hard enough to rock forward, Tim hit his head on Jason’s knee.

“Now who needs an ER visit?”

“Ugh, you two are the worst.”

“We did not cause you to become an uncoordinated hyena.”

“Harsh words from a chipmunk.”

“Hey!”

“Children, please,” Jason smiled. “We have to feed the wildlife. It pisses off the government.”

Tim stared at Jason for a good long while.

“Okay, I’m not gonna… Who wants breakfast?”

Jason made to stand up, but fell back on Damian, who yelped before being squashed.

“Todd! What are you-“

“Damian,” he whined. “I am so hurt. You called this weirdo over here Timothy last night. Timothy!”

“What?!”

“And you only call me Todd.”

“Get off-“

“Not until you call me Jason!” He met Tim’s incredulous look and raised his eyebrows convincingly.

“Todd, I will stab your kidneys.”

“Will you call me Jason after?”

“Not likely.”

“Boo!”

Damian began to squirm, but Jason leaned more of his weight on him and he growled in frustration.

Tim sighed and dragged a hand down his face. “Jason, it’s too early for-“

“Shush.”

“No,” Damian grunted. “Listen to Timothy!”

Jason leaned his face directly into his field of vision. “Bruh.”

“No.”

“Jason”

“No.”

“Jay?”

“No.”

“Big Jay?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on, Dames,” he whined. “I wanna be your favorite.”

“That’s Richard,” he smirked.

Jason grinned at Tim, who started to back away waving his hands.

“Oh, no. I don’t want any part in this, whatever this is.”

The wicked look in Jason’s eye grew worse. He flipped off the kid, just to jab his fingers into his armpit.

Damian immediately began to thrash.

“No!” He kicked the man’s stomach. “Stop!”

“Call me Jason!”

“No,” he choked, “never!”

“I can do this all day, kid!”

Damian fell off the couch, and Jason trapped him between his knees on the floor. He would have hit him again if his arms weren’t trying to protect himself from the attack.

“You have,” he gasped, “no-“ a squeal. “Mercy!”

Jason laughed then. “All you gotta do is say my name!”

“Todd!”

“Nope,” Jason moved on to his belly.

“No!” He giggled, “Stop, I!”

Jason made a goofy face and tickled harder.

“Jason!” He gasped, belly laughing.“ Jason, I yield!”

Jason opened his legs, and he shot out, scrambling onto the arm of the couch.

Jason whooped and held up his arms in victory.

Damian glared at Tim.

“Traitor,” he grumbled.

Tim laughed and held up three spoons and a jar of peanut butter.

“If you losers are done, I have peanut butter and pretzels for breakfast.”

“It’s nearly noon.”

“And we are breaking the fast. Ergo breakfast.”

“Fine,” Damian flopped onto the cushions, hiding his smile. “I will extract my vengeance at a later time for this injustice.”

“Oh, Timmy, the chipmunk just chirped at me!”

“Aw, Jay Jay, he’s so cute!”

“I can kill you eight different ways with that spoon.”

“Do you want us to feed you? With the choo choo train?”

Jason caught the pillow before it hit his face.

“I can and will use lethal force, Todd!”

“Jason.”

“Jason Todd.”

“Baby steps,” he chuckled.

Tim smiled as he scooped his own portion of peanut butter. The sirens in his head were easier to ignore. He watched Jason wiggle his fingers menacingly, then take a pillow to the face

He plopped the bag of pretzels on the table, inserting himself between the two. “Eat your shut up peanut butter.”

Jason stuck out his tongue, but grabbed a spoon.

“And after this, we’re cleaning my apartment.”

Jason looked horrified.

Tim felt no remorse. “If you guys are going to be staying here, we need to clean it. I’ve barely been here the last two months, and I do not trust my own cleanliness.”

Damian raised his eyebrow, “If the pizza under your bed has gained sentience again, I am not touching it.”

“Eat,” Tim glared, “your shut up pretzels, veggie boy.”

“Gladly.”

…

Damian stood and joined his hands together behind his back in a fair imitation of Alfred, if Alfred wore a Gotham Knight’s muumuu.

“I shall put on music, so that the arduous task of tidying this hovel is mildly less gruesome.”

“If you think,” Jason closed one eye and pointed his spoon, “that I’m gonna let you put on a classical music playlist, you are crazier than a bag full of cats.”

“A bag of cats sounds quite enjoyable, actually.”

“Metaphor, Dames.”

“I am aware.”

“And it means?”

“… I am very crazy?”

Jason held up his hand, and Damian returned the high five.

“Alright, ladies. Cleaning time.” Tim stood and took the spoons on his way to the kitchen.

Jason made a show of selecting his playlist titled ‘I Wanna Commit A Crime’ (we’re vigilantes Tim, it’s in our job description). Apparently, emo rock music was the ideal cleaning soundtrack.

Tim laughed at Damian’s concerned frown over Jason’s head banging as he washed the dishes.

He was just finishing up when Jason came in, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

“If you have time to lean, you have time to clean,” he grinned.  

He turned around, planning on flicking water at him, but stopped at the serious look on Jason’s face.  

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you want a list?”

“Jason, don’t do this to me. I have anxiety.”

Jason shrugged, chewing on the inside of his lip.

“I just want to make sure you’re doing okay with all this.”

Tim really didn’t want to deal with this conversation yet.  He didn’t want to deal with any conversation.  

“I’m fine.”

Jason’s brows became a shelf again. He scuffed his foot.

“You keep doing the finger thing.”

“The finger thing.”

“You know,” Jason huffed.  “The thing you do when you twitch your fingers and start tapping out random- I don’t know how to use words, okay? English wasn’t my first language, you butt.  Just- You’re upset.”

Tim leaned against the sink.  “I mean, I think we all are.”

An ambulance passed by the window, and they watched the lights pass by several floors below.

“I’m glad you came by,” Tim finally said.  “You really helped Damian last night.”

Jason pushed off the wall and pulled him into a one armed hug.  “I came for you both, you know.”

Tim closed his eyes, leaning his head against his brother’s shoulder.  The buzz in his chest felt a little less overwhelming.

A car honked, and a thud came from the other room.  Muffled complaining followed. Jason laughed, ruffling Tim’s hair as he made his way to the door.  

No rest for the weary, Tim smiled and tied off the garbage. It was starting to really smell.

“Be right back!” He yelled as he stepped out the door, locking it behind him.

He did feel better, knowing that Jason was there. Once Dick came, they could really talk everything over, and Tim would relax then.  But he was content at the moment. He would just ignore it for now. He was content. It was fine. It was-

He sent the bag down the chute.

Actually, this whole situation was garbage.

Who did Bruce think he was? When did he ever become the type to hit his own kids? It was wrong, it was so wrong. Red Robin wanted to punch him in the face, especially when he heard him over the comms from countries away scolding Damian for things he told him to do.

And he didn’t care what was going to happen. He didn’t care if he got screamed at, or fired, or- or- he didn’t know! He didn’t care! Tim was not giving Damian back to anyone. Bruce didn’t deserve that kid. He was stubborn sometimes, and prickly, but he didn’t deserve to be treated like that.  He had been through more than any of them knew, and he needed someone that loved him unconditionally. Bruce wasn’t that. Bruce was acting like a huge jerk-

He slammed open the door to his floor to be confronted with a man’s back, hand raised to knock.

Speak of the damned devil.

“What do you want,” Tim spat.

Calm down.

He clenched his jaw, because as much as he wanted to fly off the handle, that would probably make things worse.

Bruce turned around slowly. He looked him up and down before putting his hands in his pockets. His smile was easy and so Brucie stupid.

Tim wanted to hit him back.

“You took Damian home last night.”

“Yep.”

“I came to take him home.”

“Yeah,” Tim glared. “No.”

Bruce quirked one brow. He let the silence hang for a beat.

His thumb tapped frantically against his fist. If he doesn’t leave, I am going to do something I’m gonna regret.

“You’re angry.”

“Great job, detective.”

“That’s… fair.”

Bruce shrugged, still smug and unaffected. Tim just glared. He didn’t want to do this.

“I’m-“

“You should go, Bruce.”

Surprise flashed briefly through his eyes before it was replaced by annoyance.

“Look, Tim, you know how Damian gets-“

“Kay.”

“I’m just here to-”

“Nope.”

An exhale.

“I’m just here to take him back home and talk to him.”

“Oh,” the cold in his tone hurt him as he spoke, but it was too late to stop. “Now you’re going to talk to your own kid?”

Bruce stared. Tim stepped forward, the picture of casual.

“Not last night. Not last week apparently. Maybe all month. You’ve been too busy to deal with your own kid, but you’re ready now.”

“Tim, I-“

“No, just shut up, actually. How long did it take you to realize he wasn’t even in the same building as you anymore? Did you even care?”

“Of course I-“

“Shut- Ugh! I’m not doing this for you, B. This wasn’t a babysitting job. I don’t care what you think. You’re not taking Damian back. Me and Dick and the rest of them talked it over. You don’t deserve that kid.”

The flip switched, and Bruce was angry.  His shirt pulled tight across his shoulders.

Tim widened his stance.

“And you do, of course.”

“I care about him more than you do.”

“I do care!”

“Could have fooled me!”

Bruce was tense from his shoulder to his fist.  Tim belatedly notice he had gotten in his face.

“You don’t-“

Tim threw up his hands and walked past. “Have to talk to you.”

“What? Listen-“

“I don’t have to talk to you. I’m keeping the kid, so-“

Bruce grabbed his shoulder hard, “Actually, Timothy, I have custody, so-“

Huh. Tim turned and smiled, cold and clinical. Just like Janet, they liked to say. Bruce looked unnerved for one satisfying moment and dropped his hand.

Tim stepped close, his nose inches from Bruce’s chin, devastatingly sharp.

“But you don’t, actually.”

“What the hell are you-”

“You supposedly died, remember?” Tim rolled his eyes. “Everyone thought so. Did you think we could just leave Damian in the custody of a dead man?”

“But I-“

“Came back, obviously. But we didn’t change the paperwork. Just in case.”

Bruce looked wonderfully, furiously constipated.

Tim turned his back on him and slowly pulled his keys from his pocket. “So, no, I don’t have to do this with you. You’ve changed, Bruce. And who you are now, you don’t belong raising a kid as emotionally fragile as Damian. I don’t have to pretend to be okay with it, and I don’t even have to like you. Because you have no right to be here.”

“I am his father, Tim.”

“And sometimes fathers are neglectful and abusive.”

The space behind him stayed silent.  Bruce didn’t even move. Tim flicked through the key ring.

“And as far as the state and the press is concerned, Damian is adopted. Showed up at age 10, clearly not white. You had adoption papers filed, Bruce.”

“Tim, you can’t be-“

“I am, and you should go.”

“Tim-“

“It’s been so nice to see you Bruce. Let’s not talk again soon.”

Bruce stood a moment longer before turning sharply and storming down the hall. The doors slammed shut, but Tim stood there gripping the keys and shaking. He wanted to scream.

He breathed in deeply through his nose, feeling the cool air travel into his nostrils, down his throat, past his vocal cords, trachea, bronchi, bronchioles, and down to his alveoli. Left lung, right lung, into the blood stream the oxygen diffuses. He thought of Jason tickling Damian, and the kid calling him Timothy as he held him against his chest. He breathed out the waste.

He looked down at his shaking hands, where his grip on the keys drew blood, and wiped them on his pants before turning the lock and opening the door to-

“Timothy!” Damian ran forward, “Timothy you love this song!”

Tim really looked at him, the way his hair stuck up in three different places, the dust streak on his cheek. His eyes danced just like they always did when he was trying so hard to make one of them happy. His hands were out to the side, and that grin. He really was Timothy now. Huh.

He was worth it.  This kid was worth it.

Jason danced out of the bathroom just as the chorus hit, singing loudly and mildly off key.

We don’t have to talk

We don’t have to dance

Damian grabbed his arm, dragging away from Jason.

We don’t have to smile

We don’t have to make friends

Jason chased them, sing-screaming along.

It’s so nice to meet you,

Let’s never meet again!

We don’t have to talk

We don’t have to dance!

We don’t have to dance

The song was at least an understandable statement, Tim thought. It was kind of a dance, or a stand off. He knew as soon as he took Dick’s side that he was cutting the last of the ties between him and the man who adopted him.

He was fatherless again.

He watched as Jason tried to get Damian to do the Macarena, only to get a towel to the butt.

He would make it through this.

Jason chased Damian around the kitchen, insisting he try the snorkel, the shopping cart, no the sprinkler!

Tim laughed, even knowing all that he did. That his nighttime gig would definitely change, that he would have to quit his day job.

It will be okay, he thought, when Damian rolled his eyes and tisked at Jason long enough for him to be swung over his shoulders as he jumped around the kitchen.

It might be better than okay, he thought as he opened up his laptop to hit send on one more application, which he had written as Damian slept.

Jason called for help, and Tim let the tension leave his body, exhaled it out in one breath, and joined them. He grabbed Damian from Jason’s arms and was spinning him around the living room by the next chorus.

[avengerscompound]

When She’s Away - Part 2

When She’s Away:  A Black Widow Fanfic PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Word Count:  2428

Warnings:  Smut (F|F, remote vibrate use, public sex things, masturbation, edging, videophone sex)

Synopsis:  Natasha is away a lot.  The two of you hate the time apart.  That is until Nat finds a way to keep you entertained when she’s not there.

When She’s Away: Part 2

For the first time ever, Natasha going away on a mission actually made you excited.  You were still nervous and you knew you would miss her.  You always did.  It had gotten to the point it didn’t even matter you could stretch out further in the bed when she wasn’t there, there was something about her presence that made you sleep better.

This time there was something to look forward to.  You had the vibrator and you were going to mess around with it.  You were excited.

You were a little worried about how loud it was.  Not that it was super noisy but you could definitely hear the buzz in most rooms even if there was background noise.  So you made a rule.  Natasha had to call or text you first to make sure you weren’t somewhere completely inappropriate.  If the coast was clear it was game on.

Pepper took you to see her dress designer one Saturday morning while Natasha was away.  The two of you went to their studio in SoHo with Pepper’s wedding planner.  She was extremely excited.  This dress had taken a lot of work to get how she wanted it, and now it was almost finished.  She was in the final adjustment phase and she wanted you to take photos and send them to her other bridesmaids.  You were also to try on your own dress and have photos of that sent to them too so they could have final input on design.

You were excited for her, but this was not exactly your thing.  It was Pepper though and she deserved to have you there helping as best you could.

She didn’t need to know you were wearing the vibrator.

When you arrived at the studio the designer, Paulo greeted the three of you at the door.  He had champagne and a plate of snacks including a mini wedding cake made of lemon sponge sitting on a coffee table.  Around the walls of the room were racks of clothes in different states of being finished.  On the one side of the room where floor to ceiling window that looked out towards the Hudson, though the city blocked the views of it.

“Ms. Potts, come through here and we’ll see how the dress looks,”  Paulo said without even saying hello to anyone.  He pointed to a room at the end and just ushered Pepper down there.

She looked back at you without breaking her stride.  “You stay here.  Eat, have a drink.  I want you to see it on.”

You took a seat and poured yourself a glass of champagne as they disappeared through the door.  No sooner were you taking a sip that your phone started to ring.

"Hey, Tasha, what are you up to?"  You asked.

"Not a lot. The bigger question is, what are you up to?" Natasha purred down the line.

You swallowed and squeezed your legs together, the vibrator shifted inside you and pressed down on your clit. You knew what she wanted and this time, and at this place, it was as exciting as it could be.   "Just looking at dresses with Pepper."

"Bad time?" Natasha asked.

"No, Pepper's just having the dress fitted," you replied.  “I’m alone.”

The vibrator buzzed to life and you let out a quiet squeak.  "Just say 'you look beautiful' and I'll switch it off,"  Natasha growled.

"Okay," you said softly.  The buzz was sending an intense tingle through you.  It made you whimper a little and squeeze your legs together, which just increased the pressure of the buzz against you.

"Quiet now, mishka," Natasha purred.  You started to rock on the chair a little, trying to bring along an orgasm as quickly as you could.  It made the vibrate press and release both against your clit and on your g-spot. "You like that, Printsessa? You like me getting you off while I'm on the other side of the world from you?"

"Yes," you whispered.  You were being brought to the edge really fast. The public nature of the game. Getting to hear her talk dirty to you.  You felt like an exposed wire.  Natasha kept changing the settings on the vibrator too. Increasing the buzz before dropping it off again.  You started panting, the occasional whimper escaping from you as the buzz sent a warm tingle through you that seemed to press down in your core.

"I can hear you. You gonna come for me, mishka? This soon?"  Natasha purred.

"I don't know," you answered trying to keep your voice steady as you rocked against the chair and your legs began to tremble.

"I understand, my darling," she growled.  “You want me there with you.  You want my fingers inside you working your special spot like that.  You want it to be my tongue on your clit.  Isn’t that right, mishka?”

"Uh huh."  You mewled, her words making the feeling inside you even more intense.

"Poor, little mouse.  I'll be home soon enough and I promise, I'll fuck you so hard. You won't be able to walk straight." Natasha cooed.

You choked back a moan.  You were right there on the edge, you were sure of it.  Your whole body seemed to be trembling ready for your orgasm to break.  You ground down on the couch and the door opened and Pepper stepped out.

"Oh my god, Pepper you look so beautiful!"  You yelped. The vibrator switched off and you jumped up out off of the couch.  You were glad you were wearing a skirt because your panties were soaked and you were pretty sure you would have had a wet patch on your pants.

"Gotta go, Natasha," you said, quickly as you moved towards Pepper.

"I'll call you tonight."  She said.   You could practically hear the smirk in her voice.  "I Love you, mishka."

"Love you too," you replied as you mentally cursed yourself.  You had not thought this through at all.  You were going to be overwound all day and you knew Natasha was going to try and make that worse.

You hung up the phone and came over to Pepper.  Her dress was layer upon layer of lace applique over a nude base and lace capped sleeves.  She looked radiant in it.  It suited her perfectly.  “Oh, my god, Pepper.  You look like a princess.”  You said.  “Tony is so going to cry when he sees you.”

“That’s what I was going for,”  Pepper teased as Paulo fussed around her.  “Take a photo and then we’ll get you in yours.”  She said.

When you got home you texted Natasha to tell her that you were back. She then spent the rest of the afternoon and some of the night torturing you.  You were in your office working on a paper the first time it went off. It shocked you coming out of nowhere like that.  You moaned and gripped the desk and ground against your office chair.  You could feel your orgasm building as little tendrils of pleasure crept through you and tightened in your core.  You pushed down into the chair and tried to picture Natasha holding you down and fucking you.  You didn't even come close to orgasming before she switched it off.

The next time you were doing the dishes.  You almost smashed a plate when she switched it on. It slipped from your fingers and crashed back into the water.  You leaned against the counter as your knees buckled.  The buzz spread from your cunt out to the rest of you slowly and you squeezed your legs and rubbed them together as you tried to bring yourself over. This time you came close.  You were right there on the edge, panting and moaning.   Your rested your forehead on your arms and when it stopped suddenly and you let out a frustrated sigh.

She did it when you were eating dinner.  When you were watching TV.  While snacking on some popcorn. When you went to the bathroom to brush your teeth.  She never left it on long enough to get you off and by the time you video chatted with each other, your clit was swollen and your panties were soaked.

"How are you doing, mishka?" Natasha asked, smirking.

"Oh yeah. You know... if you don't let me get off now I'll probably kill you." You deadpanned as you carried your phone to the bedroom.

"Oh, poor baby. I better take care of you then." She cooed. "Take off your clothes for me."

You propped your phone at the end of the bed and stripped off your clothes.  When you were completely naked you pulled the vibrator out.  It was a sticky mess and your pussy felt sensitive and tingled slightly.   You put the toy on the side table and grabbed your favorite one that looked like a little pink loch ness monster before sitting up against the headboard with your legs spread.

Natasha was sitting on the sofa in a hotel.  She had propped her Stark Pad in front of her on the coffee table so you were looking up at her with her legs spread apart.  She was still fully clothed though. Dressed in the black catsuit that she must have been wearing on her mission today.

"Fuck, Mishka. Look at what I did to you. God; if I was there..."  She groaned and her hand went to her crotch and she palmed her cunt, a look of pure pleasure on her face.

"Yeah, what would you do?"  You asked and started stroking your fingers over your tender pussy. It sent a shudder through you.  Your cunt was hot and wet and so sensitive you didn't think you would be able to last long.

"I'd tie those hands of yours over your head, to begin with, so you couldn't touch yourself."  She growled.

"Take off your clothes,"  You said, continuing to gently tease your pussy.

“Oh, are you the boss now?”  She teased as she toyed with the zipper, flicking it up and down at her cleavage.

“For the moment.”  You teased.

Natasha stood so that for a moment all you could see was her stomach and the top of her thighs.  She slowly unzipped her catsuit so the pale white skin of her stomach came into view.  She pushed it down and smirked at you through the screen as you got a good look at her tits swinging free as she undressed.  Her panties were a simple black and she turned around and showed off her ass as she removed them too.  When she turned back you were greeted with a close-up view of her small patch of red pubic hair before she climbed into bed.

She resumed her position on the bed, her legs spread and her cunt on display.  You hummed appreciatively.

She smiled that half smile of hers and quirked an eyebrow at you.  “You like that, do you?”

“Mm-hmm…”  You hummed.  “Play with your tits.”

She began to squeeze her breasts and pinched and pulled at her nipples.  “Like this?”

You shivered and nodded your head.  Your mouth felt dry as you watched her pull her nipples to hardened peaks.  Her pussy started to glisten with her own arousal.  “Now, run one of your hands down your stomach and start fingering yourself.”

“Mishka,”  She said with a warning growl.

“Please,”  You said.  “Then tell me what you’d do to me next.”

Natasha ran her hand down her stomach and her fingers slipped between her folds.  She let out a predatory sounding purr as she circled her clit.  A shiver ran through her and a sudden gush of fluids dripped from your cunt on the mattress.

“Mm… look at you, mishka,”  Natasha groaned.  “I’d lick all of that up if I was there.  I want to taste you.  Do it for me, darling.  Tell me what I’m missing.”

You pushed your fingers inside of your cunt.  The brief stretch of your entrance made your hips buck.  You pulled your fingers free and sucked them on them, moaning as the salty/sweet flavor coated your tongue.  “It’s like eating lychees by the beach.”

“That’s it, my darling.”  Natasha hummed.  “I’d drink that up.  Then I’d start fingering you.  I’d use three fingers I think.  Really stretch that pussy out.”

You lubed up your vibrator and pushed it into yourself.  Natasha was using her fingers on her self.  She pushed two inside of her and as she thrust them in and out you could see her fluids run down her digits.  You moaned loudly and arched up off the mattress as you turned on the vibrator and pushed it against your swollen and sensitive clit.

“Then when you came, I’d put on the strap on and start fucking you.  I’d make you put that vibe in again so that you’d come and you wouldn’t be able to stop.  You’d start begging me to let you stop.  I do so love it when you beg.”   She growled.

She was bringing herself along quickly.  Her own words turning herself on as much as it did you.  “Oh god, yes.  Please, Natalia.”  You moaned as you fucked yourself with your vibrator, pushing it hard against your g-spot and pushing you closer and closer to the edge.  Your legs hard started to tremble with it and your cunt dripped and ached, needing that relief.

“That’s it, Mishka,”  She growled.  “Be me to come.  Beg me.”

“Please, Natalia.  I wanna come.  I need it.  Please.”  You pleaded, sure that regardless of her permission or not you were going to either way.

“Good girl.”  She purred.  “You’re always so good for me.  Of course, you can come.  Come for me, mishka.”

You pushed the vibe hard against your g-spot as you held it on your clit.  You came hard.  Your hips bucked up and you cried out, snapping your legs closed around the vibe.

Natasha jerked suddenly and her muscles all tightened as she moaned and came around her fingers.

“Bozhe moi, I love watching you come.”  She breathed.

You panted and pulled the vibrator away.  “I like watching you too.  The way all your muscles tighten up when you do is the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

She smiled and slowly licked her fingers clean.  “Today was fun, wasn’t it?”  She said.

“Mm-hmm…”  You agreed.  “I still miss you though.”

“I miss you too.  I’ll be home soon enough and then we can do this properly again.”

You smiled and blew her a kiss.  “I can’t wait, Tasha.”

[sippin-on-red-wine]

No. 6 Collaborations Project: A review!

It’s been a week since this fabulous album has dropped into our hands. Click “Keep reading to hear my thoughts on each track!

Track 1. Beautiful People Khalid ★★★★ Favorite Lyric: You look stunning dear/So don’t ask that question here

Thoughts/Reflection: Ed keeps referring to this song as ‘cozy’ and I completely agree. The vibe is cool. I love the tone of his voice here and I think it meshes really nicely with Khalid’s. The content isn’t super relatable, but I think we can all take something away from this one. It’s a good note on self-awareness and being able to see the reality in things that may look glamorous on the surface. 

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Track 2. South of the Border feat. Camila Cabello, Cardi B ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: So join me in this bed that I’m in/Push up on me and sweat darlin’/So I’m gonna put my time in/Won’t stop until the angels sing

Thoughts/Reflection: This track is literally freaking scorching hot fire. TBH I’m surprised that they led the album with IDC and not this one. It feels like big radio potential to me. Regardless, this song is an absolute BOP - so catchy and so fucking sexy. 

I know Ed’s Spanish leaves something to be desired ☺ But I feel like we can cut him some slack after singing (yet another) song dedicated to going down on a woman. The ginger is forgiven! Five stars for him! And I’m going to have SOTB on repeat all summer (or for the rest of my life).

Oh, I also really like Cardi on this song. IDK if she’s problematic or w/e, I don’t really follow her in the media at all. But her verse is fun. (I think Ed got a lil jungle fever AY) bahahahah

-

Track 3. Cross Me feat. Chance the Rapper, PnB Rock ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: Know she gonna slide anytime you bitches talk shit/Keep a lil blade in her fuckin’ lip gloss kit 

Thoughts/Reflection: Love love love LOVE this one. It just makes you want to get up and DANCE the damn thing! I have to laugh a little at the thought of Ed being hard & tough, lol, but it’s a cool concept nonetheless. Like he said in his Charlemagne interview, it’s kind of a love song…. but a different tempo. It’s catchy as all hell and Chance’s verse is fucking cool. 

Full points. 

-

Track 4. Take Me Back to London feat. Stormzy ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: Coz you can win BRITS (it don’t stop)/And you can do Glasto (headline slot)

Thoughts/Reflection: Fuck. This song, though. IIt’s the first one that jumped out at me when I did my first full album listen. And I haven’t stopped listening since. The chorus is so syncopated. Stormzy is sick on this track, I love his voice so much. And it just feels like the two of them really play off each other nicely and probably had a blast making this song. 

Also, Ed flexing “Grossed half a billi on the Divide tour/No I’m not kidding what would I lie for” is BDE and I’m personally really here for it.

This song is a banger and you should dance in your kitchen to it while baking pastries. FIve stars for you, Big Mike and Teddy.

(Dear God please let Stormzy guest live in Ipswich)

-

Track 5. Best Part of Me feat. YEBBA ★★★★ Favorite Lyric: it’s not a lyric but that part when Ed & YEBBA are harmonizing perfectly in the whoooaaAAaaaA 

Thoughts/Reflection: I love the sound on this song! His voice is so raw and tender here. It reminds me of Plus era, but grown up. I think it may be how delicately he approaches the syllables in his verse and the chorus. YEBBA’s tone is super rich and lovely, and they sound great together.

I’m taking a “star” off here because I don’t love the lyrics. I get that he’s being vulnerable and showing insecurities in verse 1, but then YEBBA follows that up with lamenting about misplacing things and being late for the train? It doesn’t seem to match up with admitting physical/bodily insecurities. Also, it could just be that I hate that Ed thinks of himself this way.

DUDE IS HOT AF

-

Track 6. I Don’t Care feat. Justin Bieber ★★★★ Favorite Lyric: I don’t like nobody but you/I hate everyone here

Thoughts/Reflection: Oh god. When did this song come out? I’m trying to think back to my first impressions of it, LOL. It’s bright and poppy and of course it went and stayed #1 all summer (thus far). I remember thinking it was so cool that the melody is super mainstream and upbeat, but the underlying theme is around social anxiety. “Crippled with anxiety/But I’m told I’m where I’m sposed to be” 

I mostly skip this one now that the full album is out, but I think I listened to it for a full 48 hours on repeat when it first dropped. Bieber is problematic and shit, and honestly I don’t think he adds much to the song. I really like Ed’s acoustic version where he does the whole thing solo.

The bridge slaps. Literally. I love that clapping bit behind it. I wish that Ed hadn’t fucked up the lyrics to the bridge in the acoustic version lolololol

Four stars, will bop along for many moons to come

-

Track 7. Antisocial feat. Travis Scott ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: So antisocial but I don’t care/Don’t give a damn I’m gonna smoke here/Got a bottle in my hand bring more tho

Thoughts/Reflection: DID YOU SEE HIM GUEST AT TRAVIS’ SHOW LAST NIGHT? This song was already one of my faves but holy shit. In interviews, Ed talks a lot about feeling awkward on stage without a guitar - but it didn’t look like that last night. He was bouncy as all hell, sounded great, looked great. Looked like he was loving the crowd’s energy too.

And the music video? That deserves a post all on it’s own.

This track is pretty short but it’s packed with good stuff. Ed’s intro is really strong here, the chorus is interesting despite the repetition. I physically can’t help but groove along to this tune. I’m sorry. I have no say in the matter

-

Track 8. Remember the Name feat. Eminem, 50 Cent ★★★★★ Favorite Lyric: 20 years old is when I came in the game/And now it's eight years on and you remember the name/And if you thought I was good, well, then I'm better today

Thoughts/Reflection: YES. YES. YES.  The song intros with a reference to Ipswich, bitch. I love how Ed makes those connections back to his upbringing.

It’s a little unreal that these three iconic voices/styles can flow so well on a song and still sound so balanced. 

I’ve got this one on repeat too. I’m determined to learn all of the words damnit!!

Five stars for a tune that I would love to see performed live someday.

-

Track 9. Feels feat. Young Thug, J Hus ★★★

Favorite Lyric: See you wigglin’, jigglin/If I have a bite will it taste like cinnamon?

Thoughts/Reflection: This song is fine. I like the feature verses. The song just doesn’t stick out that much for me.

-

Track 10. Put It All on Me feat. Ella Mai ★★★

Favorite Lyric: I try to be strong but I got demons/So can I lean on you?/I need a strong heart and a soft touch

Thoughts/Reflection: Falsetto. Falsetto everywhere. I love that! Ella Mai’s voice is so rich. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot more to say on this one. It’s not a song I’m playing on repeat, but I don’t skip it either.

-

Track 11. Nothing On You feat. Paulo Londra, Dave ★★★★ Favorite Lyric: You and I/Whisky on ice/Maybe later we can turn down all the lights

Thoughts/Reflection: This song is SEXY and cool…. ‘smoke clouds and the scent of perfume’.... the imagery. Man. More falsetto here. Also, please go look up the translation of Paulo Londra’s verse. Thanks. I’m sweating. Is it hot in here? This album is *sexual* 

ALSO THE ‘BRRRP’ AFTER “they keep ringing my phone”  bahahahahah 

-

Track 12. I Don’t Want Your Money feat. H.E.R. ★★★★★

Favorite Lyric: I need you here for the good times and the bad times/Yeah the pullin’ out my hair gettin’ mad times/Not just the when I’m in your bed on my back times

Thoughts/Reflection: THIS IS SUCH A GODDAMN TUUUUNEEEEEE!!!!!!! I love this song so much. 10/10 jamming out to this in the car at every opportunity. Finger snappin’ cool r&b vibe. I love the super quick tempo (but not quite rap?) in Ed’s verses. And I always appreciate the little double-meaning-references in Ed’s songs - like ‘diamonds, silver or gold’ means $$$ of course, but also just success in terms of album sales performance.

TBH when I saw the title on Ed’s tracklist reveal, I totally thought this would be a slow mushy love song about how Ed’s lucky to have found someone who wasn’t into him for his money. This was a pleasant surprise!! I love that it’s a little angsty.

Five STARS bitch I love this song and y’all are sleeping on it

-

Track 13. 1000 Nights feat. Meek Mill, A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ★★★★

Favorite Lyric: Birds eye view/Pay my dues/For a two-mile queue

Thoughts/Reflection: i been ON for a thousAND NIGHTSSSSS NEW YORK TO LONDONNN DIFFERENT CITY EVERY DAYAYYY

1000 Nights: a flexy bop and I love it

This song is about the Divide tour which has been going for approximately 572 years. Not that I’m complaining.

But it’s cool (how many times have I said ‘cool’ in this post? don’t answer that). Ed loves touring and that comes out in this song. And Meek’s verse is so fun to rap along to!

Four stars.

-

Track 14. Way To Break My Heart feat. Skrillex ★★★★★

Favorite Lyric: I can’t stop thinkin’ bout her/And her lips on mine, so soft/Feelings I don’t know the name of

Thoughts/Reflection: biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.

This song is NOSTALGIC and I simply adore it. It has that same… “cozy” feel that Beautiful People does. Which is strange, considering it’s a song about heartbreak. But it’s just so. Soft. And warm. 

We’re back to super soft placement of words and such pure tone. 

It’s hauntingly beautiful. And yet uptempo! Bless, Skrillex. I especially love the drums that come in during the chorus, after “you’re still gone, and i’ll say”

PS, the soft sound of mouth smacking at :13. Use headphones.

Some of my favorite Ed songs are ones about heartbreak, and I appreciate that he included one here. About an imaginary heartbreak 👀

Take another five stars from me, bud

- Track 15. BLOW feat. Chris Stapleton, Bruno Mars ★★★★★

Favorite Lyric: Hot damn/Pop it like a pistol mama/You got me down on my knees/Baby please?

Thoughts/Reflection: *laughing nervously*

Again, definitely not what I expected out of this track when the titles were all revealed. I LOVED release day on this one. The world collectively lost their shit. I need nothing more in this world than to see this song performed live, especially with a full band and Ed on an electric guitar. 

I’m still not over this loud, full, energetic song full of men bellowing about wanting to, well, fuck.

Bye

(five stars from me and also my 62 year old coworker Jan)

:::OVERALL:::

This album is SO GOOD MATE and I already cannot wait until the next collabs project! Ed blessed us with 15 amazing tracks to tide us over until Subtract comes out. They’re so different from his normal album stuff and I really love to see him try new sounds and get to create/collaborate with artists he admires so much.

it also has me real hot and bothered lmao

Thanks for coming to my tEd talk.

[goalkepa]

2k followers appreciation post💙

I did the appreciation post when I reached 1k probably a year ago. And I feel like I need to write this again, not only because I keep this as part of the memories but also because I regard it as a chance to show my gratefulness to every single one of you who has become my friends or just simply support me, unconditionally. This post will be pretty long I guess. You can just scroll through as long as you feel annoyed. But if you have time, especially those who I will mention later, I hope you can read it word by word, because you guys really take a big part in my life. Without further ado, let’s get started!

I’d love to mention some *old* friends first:

@thomas-partey :

Probably the one that has been there for me from the beginning of this journey? I always enjoy the time when we have talks, Yerika, about Atleti, about life. You are such a sweet and brave person, who will put all your efforts to reach the goals you set for yourself. That’s what I admire A LOT. Although we didn’t talk that much like we used to, because you’re not online pretty often anymore, just want you to know that I’m still here for you, always. And I feel like I’ll write you a message very soon🙈Thank you for always backing me up. Much love to you.💙

@coolsaul :

Awww Julie my superb French bean out there😍 I still remember when I traveled to Paris, I messaged you about some stupid questions like I was so worried that if I couldn’t find the location of Boutique FFF or if I went there and the store was not open etc. But you were so nice and patient to me at that time, and even now you will still answer ALL the things about Les Bleus and even share your amazing memories (like meeting all those French idiots) with me, which makes me feel so so honored and happy. Oh and not to mention how awesome you are as an Atleti’s fan and how ambitious you are as a beautiful lady. Wish everything goes well there in UK. Much love to you💙

And now here comes some *new blood*. I think I’ve talked to more people after World Cup compared to the time before this tournament. The reason? I don’t know. For me, this needs a lot of courage and I’m extremely glad that I sent the simple “hi” message to some of my mutuals (or few of you sent me first), who are all so freaking nice to me. I wrote the order randomly. In case I forgot to mention some of you, I’m truly sorry. It only means that I’m a dumbass and I honestly don’t know how to put my feelings into words. Anyway, I thank all of you a lot. Here we go:

@niguezsaul :

Needless to say, the funniest Colchoneros I could not ask for. When the game is live and you post your live update, it’s really entertaining. Sometimes it could be hilarious, or just so close to the truth. Your love for Atleti is very valuable and precious. Although I believe you’ve experienced the hardness of supporting this color, you will never give up, right? When the next season comes, you’ll definitely witness our spirit by yourself. Trust me, Karo. You won’t regret for being heartbroken for them over and over again. Much love to you💙

@the-place-to-sparkle :

Let me introduce you a sweet, kind, caring and beautiful lady. Her name is Cami. You’d better write it down. Girl, your love for the things you adore is the purest thing on this planet. Not only football, but also the way you dream of living in your life. On this site, there are too much hatred and negative things. But you are never affected by this. You’re always the one who shares positive stuffs, post some good vibes and reblog all those gentle reminders, which are helpful for those who need, including me. What makes you become such a unique person in my heart, is that you never hide the true side of yourself. This is why all of us love you, Cami. We love the real you and you should never change for anyone. Keep on sparkling✨ my lovely bean. Much love to you💙

@diogodxlot :

Okay so please let me say this again, you are so fucking beautiful ngl (Hector should open his eyes honestly😏) I really really love those locksreens you made, all of them. You have a good taste in aesthetic. I hope I can reach 1% of your level😂 And the thing that you said you cannot choose a single player to print on the jersey? That’s the cutest shit ever, Charvi, really. I hope you get yourself a jersey very very soon. Manchester United owes you one. And good luck to the last exam. You’re gonna SMASH IT. Much love to you💙

@lidah-itsme :

The most gorgeous Italian on this planet goes to…. Teresa🥳 You don’t know how much I love the story behind the name “Lidah”. This is not only such a cool thing but also a meaningful way to represent yourself. I love it. Also your love for Liverpool and Trent amazes me every single day. You’re such a nice fan, only focus on your team in a positive way. That’s what we need on this site✊🏻 By the way, I remember you love Eden Hazard, right? Maybe we should talk about how this happens, privately👀 Much love to you 💙

@draxla :

So, Nathália, my Atleti’s and Chelsea’s mutual. Becoming part of the Blues is not in my plan but here I am. And I’m so glad that there is someone who can experience the pain with me🤣 We haven’t talked too much, but I like you and your point of view. Your thoughts are so close to mine most of the times. I feel grateful for that. At here, there are too many different opinions and finding a person who thinks the way we do is such an awesome thing. I believe you can feel it too. Thank you so much for being my friend. Hope our teams still stop disappointing us for the rest of the season🙏🏻😂Much love to you💙

@erikscn :

Let’s first talk about the Gremi thing, joking😜 But this is probably the reason why we started our conversation. So, I guess, thanks to that😂You’re talented in writing. Your work for my boy Paulo is such a beautiful masterpiece. Promise me that you will never stop showing your talent, alright? What I adore you the most, is your personality. Those stories you told me give me clues about which kinds of person you are. And this IS the Greta I LOVE😌 Don’t ever feel that you’re dumb or not good enough. Being who you truly are is the reason why you’re on this post, and he knows it too! Much love to you💙

@holdmyhopeinyourhands :

First of all, thank you for being my coolest mutual askjsanjkn🙈 I honestly never saw anyone shares their deepest thought of players like you do, Mona. Those post you dedicated to specific players are enjoyable to read💞 And your love for PSG and Roma is the most supportive I’ve ever seen. They are lucky to have a fan like you. Never stop doing what you’re doing, including writing the umbrella academy fanfic. You have the rights to decide how to manage your blog and I’ll support you no matter what✊🏻 Much love to you💙

@avsensio :

Who is the funniest person on this site? Lexi. Whose posts always make me choke? Lexi. Who is the master of using memes? Lexi. I’m not going to give more clues about how awesome this girl is🤷🏻‍♀️ I still remember our first talk. It was an unforgettable night for me. After time goes by, we found out so many mutual points, like we are both March baby, our love for France NT and we both adore Lauv’s music etc… the things we share really cannot describe by words🥰 And remember you told me to not stop what I’m doing, to not affected by others? Your words sill impact me nowadays. And now it’s my turn to tell you, do not fucking change yourself for others. Yea it’s impossible to let everyone like you but you will always have my support. ALWAYS✊🏻Much love to you 💙

@fcsonny :

Nicole💞✨ Can’t believe we met on tumblr when you were at Taiwan. I noticed you because you reblogged my post of the football journal and said you are able to understand the content. My first thought was like “oh shit there are people who can understand what I’m rambling in the journal😱” and then I thought “wait you speak Chinese?!?!?😍” so we talked and this is honestly one of the coolest experience ever, not to mention how nice you are to me. Thank you for that and next time when you visit Taiwan for the fourth time, message me in advance so I can show you around👌🏻 Much love to you💙

@paudybalas :

I’ll never ever forget that you came to my ask box and told me I’m the reason why you decided to create a football blog😭That was definitely one of the warmest compliments ever happened in my life. And you know what? You’re meant to become an awesome football blogger. I may inspire you but you are the only one to make your blog perfect and honestly, I feel like a proud mom🙈Those gifs you made are art. Those personal stories we share with each other will forever be part of the memories in my heart. You inspire me as well, Ellie🥰Thanks a lot. Much love to you 💙

@football-laeli :

Don’t want to sound dramatic but you are absolutely one of the sweetest human beings here🤧 Positive vibes only, always trying to convey some good energy and that’s amazing, Janna. Also, I’m so glad that you decided not to hide your support for you club Ajax anymore💞You changed for your boys, is there anything more powerful than this? I guess none. You’re such a sweet lady, and I wish one day all these good things you give us could all go back to you, because that’s what you deserve😉 Much love to you💙

@disappointment-fc :

So, you are a special person to me. First, you support Real Madrid and you once tried to convince me to love Sergio Ramos😂 This...is honestly quite cool and you are a nice madridista, which surprised me the most najksjnjas🙈 Second, you like Jeremy Lin (right?). Please take care of him🙏🏻Third, you are my kid and I’m your mother. You never go to bed on time, which means I could spend more time talking to you so I’ll try not to ask you to sleep early in the future👀Anyways, you’re one of the few that sent me messages first and have always been nice to me since then, including encouraging me when my team falls down. That’s the kindest gesture I could not ask for more. Thank you, Chloe💞✨Much love to you💙

@theblxefox :

I’ll never stop saying how much I thank you for inviting me join the Chelsea family👀🤧 Without you, my love for Kepa would just remain the original level (now it’s unstoppable😏) I love the way you deal with Chelsea’s disaster, being sarcastic but the love is still strong. Also, on this site, you not only care about football, but also global issues, sometimes even political aspects. You are not afraid of speaking your thoughts. Meanwhile, you stay respectful and let others convey their opinions. We need more people like you, Tommer🙏🏻 You’re that kind of person I dream to become. A kind of person who is beautiful both inside and out. Much love to you 💙

@footballgotmeoncrack :

The only person I already met in real life before having a talk online✨ This is not a coincidence, Angie, I always believe it’s not. The story happened between us is the most unique, ever. I remember you because you were nice to me at the stadium, and you are still nice to me, every second since then. Your love for goalkeepers, like Hugo, Gigi and Iker, is so pure and strong. I could not quite understand why goalies needed to be loved before I also become a fan of a goalkeeper. That’s why I admire you a lot, because you already started to protect the most important and underappreciated role on the pitch✊🏻I’m so glad that you’re able to see your team Spurs this summer. I’ll pray for you to get Hugo’s autograph or even a chance to talk to him🙏🏻You deserve it, my bestie. Also, good luck to your studying in advance. Much love to you 💙

@madtimer :

My beloved Taiwanese mutual here🥳 It’s hard to find a girl who loves football in Taiwan. That’s why I feel grateful to meet one here, not to say how sweet this girl is. Your love for BVB and Milli reminds me of my love for Atelti and Grizi. They are quite the same. Being disappointed but we never give up on them, right Lisa? And all those gifs you made, the way you support your team, is something I want the most from a football fandom (tho I still haven’t download PS because I’m too lazy skajnskj) also you are the one that writes journal related to football, like print some players’ photos and puts some thoughts on it, which makes me so happy because I’m not the only weirdo doing this👀 Anyways, thank you for always being there for me when I need someone to talk in Chinese😜 Much love to you 💙

@hazantowifey :

Potato’s wife, sometimes I really want to punch your face when you said cruel things about football but sadly😂 I can’t, because those are the truths, and you help me accept it. I will never forget that day you commented below my post saying that I’m important to you. Like, I’m shocked because we didn’t really have a lot of conversation but you already regard me as your friend. I still can’t believe it really happened to me😭 You can never make me mad, because you always know how to make my heart go like “aww” by sending me Kepa’s gifs🤦🏻‍♀️ And I HATE you for that. Hope one day we can meet in real life. Maybe go to THE 1975’s concert or a football match, Belgium vs France, so you can wear your Hazard’s jersey and I can wear my Anto’s jersey😜 I’ll look forward to that day to come. Much love to you💙

@leroysanei

My dearest 🐰 , the one that sent me messages first when I need it the most. An important person who always knows how to cheer me up. A person who will send “good morning” to me. A person that truly regards me as a real friend in her life. You take a big part in my heart, 🐰. No one can replace you. Your kindness is the reason why I opened my heart again, to make me believe that there are people I can trust on this site, to make me believe there is someone who will understand my feelings even tho they didn’t know me before🙏🏻 Except for talking about football, I love the time when we share our lives more, oh but maybe also when we are pouring our love for Kepa janskjnskdj🙈wow I really drag you into it I’m 👀 so proud of myself. Your reaction when you said you wanna dance with him in the rain, gosh this is the cutest thought EVER (oops I’m exposing you again 😬). You’re such a clever, independent woman. You’re much more amazing than you expected. Anyways, 🐰, thank you for becoming my best friend in life. Much love to you 💙

For the last one, it will go to my forever soulmate @footballffbarbiex

The one that joined me from the beginning of this journey. The one that has saved me from depression over and over again. We have been through many hard moments and shits together, which others will hardly understand. There are a lot of times when I only sent you a simple sentence, but you got it all. I don’t really have to explain anything you just know me too well. I don’t know why I’m so lucky to meet you in my life, to have you as a friend, a family. Besides being my soulmate, you’re a blessing to this fandom. First, I love your writing, a lot. You have to admit that you’re so talented at this part. That shhhh seires? Masterpiece. That Kepa’s one shot? Masterpiece. I won’t go on for the smut ones because that will expose myself ajsnjnaksjn😜 Second, you have a great interaction with your readers. You listen to their opinions, talk to them and always being so nice. We should all be grateful for those beautiful works you’ve provided to us. Third, you always care about our feelings and always being so respectful to everyone. You deserve love and love only, Amy💞 Words will never be enough to describe my thankfulness. But meanwhile I’ll never stop saying this, thank you, for being one of the most important people in my life. I’ll love you forever and ever💙💙💙

At last, thank you all those who came to my blog and left some sweet, kind messages. Thank you all for liking my stuffs, giving me encouragements or sharing your thoughts with me. It literally means a lot to me🙏🏻

It’s such a pleasure to be on here and I sincerely hope I can bring more joy and positivity to all of you in the future 💙

Love you guys so much,

Steffi

[unimpressedperson]

“10 Movies to Describe Me” tag

Hey, as I ever said, I LOVE cinema and going to the movies, watching documentaries, enjoying life by studying every nuance present on the 7th art.

Along life we have contact with a bunch of movies and references that affect our personalities, view of world, and even how we act towards some situations. Cinema is a powerful way of art, possibly influencing.

Everyone has a list of movies which influenced our personal growth. This list is all about it: 10 Movies you can use to describe me.

1 - Spirited Away

Well, I think Spirited Away was my first contact with cinematography eastern culture and made me go further in searching for more. I was 5 or 6 when I watched and fell in love with it.

Nowadays I know how to respect different cultures, have a deep interest in stories and mythologies from other countries. Thank you Studios Ghibli!

Influenced personality: Love for mythology and cultures.

2 - The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

I LOVE drag queens and everything related to that subculture. I remember watching that movie as a kid, after midnight and hiding from my parents, which advised me to sleep because I had school the next morning.

Everything seemed so colourful and amazing, almost magical. A explosion of music and dresses, high heels, makeup, big wigs and dancing.

While growing up it influenced my choices on sports, acceptance, music, and love for drag culture.

RuPaul's Drag Race is part of my love for drag queens, but it wasn't the first reference. Btw, support your local queens and art.

Influenced personality: Dancing skills, LGBT acceptance (when it comes to myself, I have nothing to do with someone else's sexuality), love for drag culture and pop music.

3 - Blackfish

Oh ma'am, now we got to a very rough part of my personality: my HATE and INDIGNATION over zoos and aquariums.

I don't like zoos, not at all. Watching animals caged in small spaces and sad, oh boy, it makes me want to invade the whole place with a hammer and set them free.

Before watching Blackfish I didn't quite realize how bad everything was for fishes in Aquariums as well. Now, I want to start petitions against Sea World and Aquário de São Paulo.

I love animals, WAY MORE than I enjoy being around humans, so knowing how suffering is their life inside small places makes me want to cage humans and let them walk freely.

Influenced personality: Love for sea animals and thirsty for their justice.

4 - Inglorious Basterds

(This scene is one of my favourites lol)

#ILOVEHISTORYANDTARANTINO

Well, Inglorious Basterds is a very historically inaccurate movie, but I love it with all my stone cold heart. There are so many catchphrases and iconic moments.

I just love that movie. Nothing really special or meaningful.

Influenced personality: The need for kill Nazis lol

5 - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I was a very angst teenage and depressed as well, not counting anxiety on the mix. When I was 13 The Perks of Being a Wallflower aired on cinemas, and suddenly all my concerns about acting weird and not normal, compared to other girls around and whose studied with me, kind of seemed so pointless, mainly because Patrick, Charlie and Sam seemed to have so much fun, even acting quirckly and being classified as misfits.

My story has nothing to do with neither of characters, but I related a lot to them. So I think a big part of me came and flourished after watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Also, it taught me the importance of speaking how you feel, therapy and trusting people enough to tell them when something wrong is going on.

The book is also one of my favourites, so I’m not impartial when it comes to The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Influenced personality: Not afraid of being myself, fight for human basic right of having mental health treatment guaranted and embracing my quirk personality.

6 - Erin Brockovich

Everyone who knows me well enough, is VERY aware of how independent and self-suficient I am. I hate depending on people for completing tasks or doing stuff, so most of the time I try to learn do things all by myself. It’s something natural inside of me, partly because I don’t get lonely, so the idea of depending on someone to anything makes me cringy.

Erin Brockovich is a movie I watched when I was 12 and the way Erin acted towards everyone, giving priority to her life and kids, not caring about everyone else’s opinion, it made me root to be independent like her (except for the kids and struggle to find a job). Erin exhales big dick energy, also the ending made me aplaud the movie (even tho I was alone at home watching it).

Influenced personality: I learnt how to classify my priorities, also improved my confidence on how I act, since Erin isn’t afraid of achieving things and proving her point, even if everyone else is against and won’t believe her.

7 - Lilo & Stitch

I think every single living human alive had at least one movie, you know this one movie, which you obsessed during your childhood. It doesn’t matter the genre, you watched it nonstop and pissed off your whole house with how repetitive movie marathons seemed to get with you, since everytime you picked whatever you were about to watch, your choice was quite predictable.

The movie I obsessed during my childhood was Lilo & Stitch (also Scooby Doo, where do you think I learned how to copy someone’s fingerprint by using pore cleanser and powder?).

As I mentioned a few items ago, I was a misfit and it played a big part on my life, being excluded from parties, playdates and games during P.E was common. It bothered me, but everything changed when we adopted my first dog, a dachshund called Xuxinha. We were Lilo & Stitch, whenever people treated me badly at school, I knew that she would be waiting for me at home.

Xuxinha passed away in 16th February 2017, and I still miss her.

  Influenced personality: It helped understand that people are douchebags, but as long as I have my dog/sister at home to hold and distract me, then nothing else matters. I learned the importance of surounding yourself with people who cares about your well-being, not caring specie, ethnicity, etc.

8 - Wonder

I don’t think this item requires a lot of text to describe why I felt influenced by it. Watch the movie and let’s sob together.

Influenced personality: Learned why appearance means nothing, and everyone goes through some struggle, so always be there for people who cares about you as much as you do about them. Also, always stand up against bullying, it may look like a joke now, but it can be the trigger for fatalities.

9 - Spotlight

I study Social Communication: Journalism, that’s what I’ve been wishing to do and want to be in the future. Even tho I decided what I wanted as my career YEARS before the release of Spotlight, it helped me define which kind of journalism I wanted to follow: Investigative.

It feels like I just made 4 out of 2+2, considering the fact that I love detective stories and would love to be a detective myself, but watching and acknowledging that all the investigation and  accusations were based on real facts, oh Ma’am, I can’t even describe the thrill consuming my mind only by imagining what it feels like to be involved journalistically in an investigation.

Influenced personality: My PASSION for investigative journalism.

10 - The Imitation Game

Last but not least: The Imitation Game.

Well, I constantly get annoyed on how biased our society is, for real, and whenever it happens I write poems and texts and protest, and piss off a bunch of people by only talking about a situation of inequality. When I first watched The Imitation Game the whole Alan Turing being castrated and killing himself because of homophobia and a VERY, I repeat, VERY narrow-minded society, it PISSED OFF THE HELL OUT OF ME, and I used this rage during a full semester of college paper works.

I named a group after Alan Turing and our semester project was basically about people being biased and killing genius because they cannot look further from their own bellybottoms. I won a “Oscar de Jornalismo”, which is the award that happens every six month in my college, prizing the best works from the semester.

It still makes me so angry to imagine what Alan Turing could had done if he lived for at least 20 more years.

Influenced personality: Well, it made me channel my rage about a situation and helped me to understand why we should discuss homophobia, racism, wars, etc, even harder now. Watching the world following the path for making the same mistakes all over again is frightening, and only history can help us.

- x-

It has potential to be a tag, so I’ll tag some people I want to know what movies inspired them. You don’t have to make a whole long ass text about your choices, just sharing is enough :)

@ohmydearmoonchild @okayycalum @emerson-moonchild @btsqualityy @theburntwaffle

[falloutdialogue]

Commonwealth Postmen

In a random encounter, you’ll come across a dead mailman; not only are they wearing a postman uniform, but they’re carrying letters, too! Each body you find will have three letters, randomized from twelve possibilities. Some of them will put markers on your map.

These postmen are never explained further; where they come from, who they work for. You never meet a live one, and no one mentions them. I wish we knew more. After New Vegas, all I want is to side with the Courier faction!

This post is sponsored by my unofficial consultant:

Note 1 Amy, I know it's been a while since I last wrote you. Things are going well here in Goodneighbor and I have been busier than normal with work. So busy, in fact, that I have some great news. I've saved up enough money to rent out a place here big enough for you and the kids to finally come join me! So start packing your bags! I think I can take a week off to come get you guys moved out here. We can finally be a family again! I love you all so much.

Note 2 Lars, I know there's no easy way to do this, so I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm leaving you. I know doing it by letter makes me a coward, and I'm ok with that. I just couldn't stand being with you anymore. The way you just let everyone push you around and tell you what to do. Grow a backbone! Who wants a man like that? I'm staying with Paulo now. Yes, that Paulo. He may be a Ghoul, but at least he doesn't take crap from everyone. And he doesn't live with his mother like someone I know. Don't write me back, Sharon

Note 3 Campbell, I heard from Mitchell that there's a load of Mentats at that school near West Roxbury. Some story about closets full of Mentats or something. I know there's a bunch of Super Mutants in the area, but I have a plan. See, we sneak into that school at night, get our hands on some of those chems, and then we'll be so smart we can figure out how to get out no problem! Trust me!

Note 4 Cory, I'm telling you, man, this gig is top notch. This place is right near a road and we just grab caravans as they go by, and we live like kings. It's a brewery, for Christ's sake! It's packed with beer! How could you say no? I put in a good word for you, buddy, so just come out here and tell them I sent you. Oh, and I'm going by Crank Shaft now - they won't know who Melvin is.

Note 5 Frank, this letter is to show you that I know where you live. So, for the last time, WHERE IS MY FUCKING MONEY?!? You know who this is.

Note 6 Kristen, You were right! This pen pal thing is a lot of fun! Gives me something to look forward to all week. It can get pretty lonely out here, but now I get excited whenever I see the mail carrier go by! Anyway, I found some more spare wood planks, so I decided to add a "sun room" to the old shack. I mean, pretty much every room is a sun room when you've got a leaky roof, am I right? But I found some patio chairs and a couple of cinder blocks I'm using as a table. It faces the east, so sunrises are just lovely! Maybe someday you'll make the trek out here and see it with me. How are things going with you? Did you talk to that guy you've been eyeing? He sounded really handsome, you should go for it! I mean, what have you got to lose? Anyway, hope this finds you well, and I look forward to your next letter! Your pen pal, Alexander

Note 8 Steph, they know! Don't ask me how, but they found out what you did. I don't think they know where you're hiding, and I hope to God this finds you first, but you have to pack up and get the hell out of there, ok? Don't tell anyone where you're going this time! I'll try and delay them as much as I can, but you'd better hurry.

Note 9 Joel, When the hell are you getting back? I can't believe you left this stupid thing with me. A mole rat is not a goddamned pet! It chews on everything and then craps all over the floor. This is not worth it, I don't care how much you're paying me. Get back here in 10 days or I swear I will butcher the thing and eat it. I'm not kidding.

Jamaica Plain Note The Treasures of Jamaica Plain October 17-23nd, 2077          8am-5pm Daily Come and see the fabulous Treasures of Jamaica Plain! This stunning exhibit will be on display for one week only before these priceless items are sealed away, never to be seen again! Bring the entire family to this once-in-a-lifetime event! Tash - I've been thinking about going after the Treasure. Jesse's game. You in?

College Square Note Look, Cole, I know you're sick of working for Bobbi, but don't leave Goodneighbor. You don't know how good you got it, hon. Steady jobs. Decent place to live. And you got Hancock to bash some heads in if people get outta line. Ricca's taken over the gang here in College Square. She raised the tolls - traders are all taking the west road now. If things don't turn around soon, there's gonna be a mutiny. If things start to go down, I'm taking my caps and getting the Hell outta here. Love, Erris

Easy City Downs Note You heard about Ernie's gang out at the Downs? Some of his boys patch up robots, even race them around the old track there. Sounds like my kind of gig. I'm gonna take Tin Man out there and tool him into a racing bot. Give me a week, then come on out. Fifty caps says he'll be the top robot on the tracks. -Tony

[squidproquoclarice]

Fine, now that you mention it I do want commentary on ch3 of MAWAMS, you absolute menace. Also, this is hella good imagery even though it hurt me emotionally so props on that: “Suddenly the whole thing seemed to turn as one single nightmare, like a thaumatrope, that 19th century child’s toy, the disk with a bird on one side and a cage on the other. Spin it fast enough and the two pictures combined, the bird suddenly trapped in the cage.”

I…have only myself to blame for this.  Though oh shit, where do I even start.  Buckle your seatbelt because this will take a while.Since you mentioned it specifically: the thaumatrope image seemed too on the nose to not use at this point.  Lorena and Lucy, watching them die, watching them happy in love with someone else.  There’s no way it ever ends well for him with either of them, because he’ll only fail them, and he doesn’t deserve to be happy anyway.  It’s all just one big blur of pain, the bird captured and stuck in its cage.I debated skipping the scene where Denise and Garcia go see Lorena.  But it’s an important thing for him.  He’s waited for four years to see her alive again and he deserved that moment, painful as it is.  I deliberately wrote it as somewhat spare in some ways–he’s not focusing on how beautiful she is to him, or looking for too long at her kids to see how much they may resemble Iris, for example.  He’s doing his best to keep the emotions in the box and lock everything down tight.I had Lorena come over because Lorena Valaitis is tough and nobody’s damn fool and seeing this strange car and people staring at her house, she’s gonna take notice and confront them.  And honestly, because Flynn sort of needed more than to just spy on her walking her kids to the car.  This hurts like hell, but it also helps him make more peace with her situation.  And on a meta level, Lorena deserves some Goddamn screen time and a voice of her own rather than being simply a concept inspiring  Garcia’s emotions, because she’s a really great character to write.As to the house, it made sense for Lorena to live there now.  I’d written it as an inheritance from her grandparents that the Flynns used when they were stateside with Lorena’s family.  They lived primarily in Croatia, in Split, due to Garcia’s work as an Eastern Europe NSA asset, but as I wrote in the vodka confessions, they were planning to move to Baltimore permanently in the future.  So it’s a house Lorena loved.  Of course this Lorena whose life centers even more tightly around her hometown will still live there.I had the murders happen in Baltimore because it makes more sense for him to get to Brazil, especially with virtually no money and no resources, if he’s on the proper side of the Atlantic already, and from the look of the cemetery and some the names on other headstones in 1x06, they’re seemingly buried in America, not Croatia, which is what originally made me go for Lorena likely being American.  (I think the “wife” on Lorena’s headstone is an angry accusation by the Valaitises of oh look, it’s a wife and daughter taken too soon as more domestic violence statistics!)And it’s another good and bad thing for Garcia.  Seeing the house again for the first time since he ran from Rittenhouse is not easy.  But seeing it as a place where this didn’t happen, where Lorena’s family lives and it’s peaceful and good, will actually do him some good in the end.  But for now the cognitive dissonance is most definitely a mindfuck.  The fact Lorena  doesn’t seem to have even that “huh, do I know you?” moment both helps and hurts.  This is when he knows it’s truly over between them, because it never was, and he’s glad because it means she’s safe.  He probably figures Emma will never go after her because this is more or less a punitive peace treaty forced upon him on the Lorena and Iris issue.  Rittenhouse kills this Lorena, it’s game on again for him to change history to get both Iris and his Lorena back. Garcia being Garcia, he sees how happy and safe she seems and thinks about how she’s so much better off, how this is the life she should have had and he couldn’t fully give her.  At this point he’s basically Pushkin’s Ya vas lyubil as a giant sad Croatian and saying his goodbye to her, and it hurts but he’s OK with it because he’s convinced she’s better off than she ever was with him.  Because yes, Flynn has a few self-respect issues.Denise, in that moment, probably is concerned for him as a friend but seriously in awe of how he can control himself in this situation and flawlessly bluff his way through it without even a flicker of the devastation showing.  Because Garcia Flynn, albeit a Human Disaster, is also a Very Good Agent.  Seeing how the two of them readily play off each other shows Garcia a lot about the teamwork they have in this timeline where they don’t have all the bitterness and mistrust that they do in the original.  It’s weird, yes, but he’s grateful for it anyway.It would have been way too easy for Tim to be an asshole, or for them both to be Rittenhouse, and then Garcia has quote unquote the “right” to try to rescue Lorena from this, blah blah.  I didn’t want to go that route. Tim’s a good man, a good husband, and a good father.  They literally have never heard the name Rittenhouse, except maybe there’s some place in Philly named that?He’s seen Lorena and he knows he has to accept this.  But Lorena’s the easy part.  Iris is the hard one.  Denise drags him to her favorite cop bar in the ‘burbs between DC and Baltimore where she used to live, and given they’re now on the wrong side of town to easily head back to Gettysburg, and it was probably at least a half hour or forty-five minute drive to go specifically to that bar, she’s clearly spending some time and effort on this.  And he notices that.   It’s what you do with someone who’s been a partner on this years-long mission, who’s become a close friend.  You drag them to your favorite bar, buy them a beer, and just sit with them.  If they want to talk, they talk.  If they don’t, you just silently support.Side note: in this timeline, I do think Denise and Garcia have also bonded over her being a lesbian WOC born of immigrant parents and him being an immigrant, bi, and demi (though I don’t think he has the word to describe the latter–it’s maybe Lucy or maybe even Jiya that defines it eventually) and being in a profession that’s not always exactly the most friendly to non-white, non-straight, and non-native born.  And prior to noticing him pining for Lucy, she really was trying to think of a nice woman or man to set him up with.  ;) He’s trying to make peace with it so he can carry on, but he’s also kicking his own ass that he handed Emma that information because he so desperately needed an ally.  Though notice it doesn’t turn into paranoia: he doesn’t start to regard Denise with suspicion.So: Lorena is fine, but Iris is forever out of his reach.  He realizes his mother was wrong–you do have to find a way to let go, somehow, eventually.  There’s no hope for Iris.  The best he can do is not make himself a worse man trying to bring her back. But he’s struggling really hard to let go, and not feel like he’s failed her as a father. He’s got a clean slate, and Lorena’s happy, but he’ll have to live knowing he owes that to Emma.  Fine.  Rittenhouse is going to burn for this, and Emma especially, because as angry as he was in 2x07 at her betrayal, it is now 100% personal between them.  But Garcia being Garcia, and still so used to being alone and without support, he starts wandering back towards the Dark Side. That sort of cold steely rage we saw from him in season 1: Only the mission matters.  You don’t.  He’s good for killing things. All right then.  Bring it on.  He pushes himself through range clearance, and then when they get back to Gettysburg, he goes right to the punching bag to go push the injured shoulder exactly like Abby Kovac told him not to do.  Because he can’t be weak when the next mission happens.  And yeah, he’s got a few frustrations to work through right then and punches and kicks sound like a great idea.He couldn’t save Lorena or Iris.  Rufus died right in front of him.  He almost got killed himself, and he’s seeing that it was a very severe injury and he’s not 18 and able to just bounce right back from it.  And emotionally off balance as he is then, he stumbles onto the next part of it: he can’t be less than back to normal on the next mission, because he absolutely, positively, 100%, cannot fail Lucy.  He can’t lose her.  Can’t watch her die.  Realizes he almost did in Chinatown.He’s not quite at Sao Paulo levels of emotional breakdown, or season 1 levels of closed-off rage, but he’s definitely Not In A Good Place.  And he’s pushed himself so hard he’s exhausted and can’t even punch anymore.  And it’s then that Lucy shows up.  (Actually, she’d been standing there for a few minutes already trying to figure out how to handle this, and him backing off gave her the opening she needed.) And dammit, Lucy, your timing is impeccable because you’re just what’s needed here.  She came, because as much of a screwup as he thinks he is, somehow she does care.  He manages to calm down a little, enough to say he’ll go get cleaned up.  They’ll talk, and he’s hoping that somehow, she’ll say the right thing as she usually does, and show him a different way.  Denise tried, Jiya was sympathetic, but as usual, it’s really only Lucy who has that deep enough bond to get through to him when he’s on the edge of the void.

ANYWAY.  Anyone else want to join the Denny’s parking lot fight?

[thegloober]

A Message To My Younger Self

I regret. I regret a lot. I wish I could have been different.

I wish I could be 17 again and know these rules.

There’s nothing wrong with regret. There’s nothing wrong with wondering how your life would have been different and better.

This is what I wish I knew:

A) DON’T DEPEND ON OTHERS FOR YOUR HAPPINESS

If you outsource your self-esteem, you’ll never be happy.

I outsourced my self-esteem to girlfriends. It was hard enough for them to handle their own self-esteem, let alone mine.

I outsourced my self-esteem to professors, thinking a good grade would make my life better. It didn’t.

Later I outsourced my self-esteem to bosses, thinking a promotion would make my life better. It didn’t.

I outsourced my self-esteem to anyone who had the power to “choose me” – publishers, TV, investors, customers.

I could’ve spent that energy developing the skills to choose myself. There is ALWAYS a back door to dreams.

When I depended on others for my own happiness I ended up trying too hard to make OTHER people happy. If they are happy, I thought, they will make me happy.

A waste of time and effort. People only cared when it was their own self-interest. I am fine with that now.

B) DON’T READ NEWS

I can’t even remember the news from when I was 17 but I always read three newspapers a day and every magazine.

Read books instead. The news when I was 17 was that Reagan was trading drugs for hostages and that Michael Jackson was going to release another album.

Knowing this has had zero effect on my life. I should have read another book about history, or a biography, or a good piece of fiction.

When you read a book, you absorb some of the 10,000 hours of expertise the author poured into the creation of that book.

When you read a news article, you are fooled into caring about something that will have zero consequence on your life.

News is about shock. Not about knowledge.

C) WAKE UP ASKING… “WHAT IF…?”

For instance, “What if I didn’t go to college and instead I wrote a book or learned how to program and started making money instead of borrowing it?”

Or, if you want to go to Harvard but were rejected: “What if I just showed up for classes there and nobody realized I wasn’t an actual student?”

“What if I took a job and started learning skills instead of arguing with my college girlfriend?”

“What if I stopped waiting to begin my life and started pursuing the things I love?”

When you start with “What if?” you start with Questions instead of Answers.

17 year olds don’t have Answers but I always thought I did. Start with Questions instead.

“What if…?” let’s you build a bridge between reality now and the desires you want.

“What if…?” let’s you step outside the path that parents, teachers, friends, society have planned for you and allows you to find your own path.

“What if..?” let’s you admit you are stupid but open-minded enough to be curious and explore the entire universe.

(Exercise: Ask 30 “what if” questions about your life. Like: What if I could make my own TV show and put it on YouTube. Or…What if I could be a professional sports anchor… what 100 steps would build that bridge? Or…What if I could invent my own cryptocurrency? What would make it unique? and so on.)

D) DON’T ARGUE

I would argue with my dad about Nicaraguan politics.

Who the heck cares now? And what change did I create by arguing? I thought I knew everything and so did he. So we wasted mindless hours arguing about something stupid and now he’s dead.

I would argue in classes about poetry or philosophy instead of learning for myself what life was like in the real world.

I would argue about the economics of poverty with other people who knew nothing about either.

Poetry is found by doing what you love, by scraping a knee when you fall, by lifting yourself up even when you’re dirty and bloody and tired and you have to start all over.

Philosophy is found when you find the edges of the comfort zone of life and make your first attempts to step outside of it.

Poverty is found when you do everything you can to succeed and you fail and you take ownership of your mistakes and you start again.

Opportunity is found not in the middle of an argument that has no outcome on life, but in the places that are least crowded, where you are exploring and finding out who you uniquely are.

E) EXERCISE THE CREATIVE MUSCLE

Nobody wants you to be creative:

“Ideas are a dime a dozen.”

“Ideas are not a business.”

“Execution is everything.”

Creativity is a muscle. You can’t have good ideas if you don’t exercise that muscle.

Every day I write down 10 ideas. Not because they are good. But because they are bad and I want to be better every day than the day before.

This morning I wrote down 10 ideas for books I could write.

Good books? No. (“The History of The World in Tweets from 2010–2018” is an example).

It’s probably the thousandth time I’ve written down book ideas. Another 2,000 times I’ve written down business ideas. Another 3,000 times I’ve written down ideas for others.

It doesn’t matter.

If I’m better at idea generation than everyone else then I will find the places that are least crowded.

F) THE BEST INVESTMENT IS IN YOURSELF… BUT DIVERSIFY

When I was 17 I had no skills. I was the high school chess champ in my state but that’s it.

When I was 23 I still had no skills and that was after college and graduate school.

When I was 26 I still had no skills and that was after a few jobs.

I finally found something.

I found “awe”.

I thought the internet was awesome. I was in awe of it’s potential. I wrote down all the things the internet could do.

So I learned skills: I learned how to program a computer (even though when I was 21 I had majored in computer science and then I went to graduate school in computer science, it was all theoretical and I never did anything that required a real skill).

But diversify your skills. Diversify the things that give you awe.

Read a lot to find the things that fascinate you.

Write down ideas every day.

Develop a skill that makes money NOW (like computer programming). Develop more than one of these if you can.

Develop skills for the future (like writing, communicating, speaking, entertaining).

I’m 50 now. I’ve invested in myself. I have skills.

But still every day I have to learn. I have to maintain. I have to keep up. I have to practice. I have to exercise.

Exercise: Start with these books. Read them:

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Antifragile by Nassim Taleb (and The Black Swan and Fooled by Randomness by him)

Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

Anything You Want by Derek Sivers

Mindset by Carol Dweck

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

“Sapiens by Yuval Harari

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

Jesus’ Son by Denis Johnson (a collection of short stories, not a religious book)

The Rational Optimist by Matt Ridley (and The Evolution of Everything by him)

Bold by Peter Diamandis and Steven Kotler

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

Peak by K. Anders Ericsson

The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer (along with The Untethered Soul by him)

Confessions of a Buddhist Atheist by Stephen Batchelor

Mastery by Robert Greene

Zero to One by Peter Thiel and Blake Masters

War of Art by Steven Pressfield (and Turning Pro)

Post Office by Charles Bukowski

Purple Cow by Seth Godin

Maus by Art Spiegelman

On Writing by Stephen King

How We Got to Now by Steven Johnson (and his book Where Good Ideas Come From)

Creativity, Inc by Ed Catmull and Amy Wallace

Sick in the Head by Judd Apatow

Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (and Practicing the Power of Now by him)

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World by Harry Browne

Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

What I Talk About When I talk about Running by Haruki Murakami

The Stranger by Albert Camus

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The Blue Zones by Dan Buettner

The New Evolution Diet by Art De Vany

Poking a Dead Frog by Mike Sacks

Socrates by Paul Johnson

Small Victories by Anne Lamott

Meet Your Happy Chemicals by Loretta Breuning

G) LEARN WHAT MONEY IS

Money is not about having a higher income. Or about pleasing others. Or about the economy.

The economy is for everyone else. And it’s almost impossible to get rich on income.

Money is not about investing or spending or luxury or even freedom.

Money is about arbitrage. Seeing value where other people don’t. This takes practice.

You can practice by learning a money game like poker.

Get really good at poker and you learn about people, probability, statistics, selling, arbitrage, decision making, money management, emotional control, entertainment, creativity.

Games are a safe way to practice hunting. Games are a safe way to learn about money.

I wish I had learned poker at 17 instead of at 30. Then I wouldn’t have lost all my money at 30. Much safer to lose all your money at 17 before you have two kids and a mortgage.

H) PLUS, MINUS, EQUAL

To learn anything you need a:

PLUS: a mentor (real or virtual or books) to study and emulate and learn from.

EQUALS: people who are striving with you that you can compare notes with.

MINUS: You can’t learn something unless you can explain it to a three year old. Always try to explain what you are learning.

I) THE GOOGLE RULE

Google knows nothing.

If I go to Google and want to learn about “computer programming”, Google will say, “I know nothing but here are the ten best places you can go based on my extensive research.”

Then, when I want to learn about “motorcycles” the first place I will go is Google.

Google is worth almost a trillion dollars.

Because:

They are the source of information but not the actual information. They tell you where to go.

They give credit to everyone else. They don’t say “We know”, they say “These people know and they are GREAT.”

If you use the Google Rule you’ll have more value every day.

(The first Google home page)

J) THE 1% RULE

Whatever gives you AWE, improve 1% per day at.

1% per day, compounded, equals 3800% per year.

3800% per year will make you the best in the world at everything you are interested in.

Lose 1% per day (by relying on others, by depending on institutions to help, by arguing and trying to convince people, by following society’s rules instead of your own), will mean in a year you are 3% the person you were at the beginning of the year.

(The most important rule in this post).

K) LOVE EVERYONE AS IF THEY WERE YOUR DAUGHTER

Everyone is going through a world of s*8t. All the time.

Treat everyone the way you would treat a daughter.

Love their faults and flaws. Don’t try and change them. Be sensitive to their sadness. Listen to them. Hold them if they need it. Don’t control them.

They want to be happy. Just like you.

You don’t need to love God or society or even yourself.

Just love everyone as if they were your daughter.

That’s enough advice for myself at 17.

I regret a lot of things.

It’s ok to regret.

I’m fine with where I am in life. Doesn’t mean I can’t wish I had been a little more wise when I was younger.

Is my advice good?

I don’t know. I’m not going to argue with my 17 year old self if he disagrees with me.

He was pretty stupid. He was pretty gross. He was pretty insecure and selfish and lonely.

If I had just followed a tiny bit of this advice, maybe I wouldn’t have been so lonely for so long.

What if…?

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[unkindnessofone]

Sleeps  With Butterflies

He couldn’t breathe as he practically galloped through the empty stsdium. Ashton felt like an idiot for feeling so happy, his feet having not touched the ground for the last five months. He should have known a shit storm was swirling in the distance and waiting until everything was going well to slide in and pour on him. His hair was bouncing as he was madly searching through his phone, finding Simone’s number. The call went straight to voice mail. With his shoulder and great force, he pushed open the door and let the humid Sao Paulo morning air smack his face. It wasn’t until he was standing still between two tour buses that Ashton realized he was panting.

He called her again, but it just went to her voicemail. It brought on his worst fear. She was pissed and ignoring his calls, purposefully pressing decline whenever his name appeared on her phone. He knew she was busy and it would figure that right now they would be as far away as they could be from one another. He was in Brazil and she was back in London, working diligently on orders.

Furrowing his forehead into waves, he earned his hands to stop shaking and started to furiously type out a text message to his girlfriend, the woman who had become the love of his life almost instantly. He didn’t even know what to say, but he hoped his thumbs would come up with something beyond, “Call me ASAP. I LOVE YOU. 🐲” Luckily as he was deleting his emoji choice, his screen changed and Simone’s father’s number flashed before him. Terrified, Ashton felt a sharp lump stab at the middle of his throat. His anxiety was rising to an all time high and he had to choose between crying while ripping his hair out or taking a deep breath and handling the situation.

“Arthur, I can explain…” He didn’t even know what time it was in London, he just launched right into his monologue  - the one running through his head for Simone.

“Oh, it’s not him. It’s me.” Sounding posh as ever, Simone jumped in. She heard Ashton sigh a sigh that sounded like it weighed more than he did. “My phone is on one percent so I just borrowed my dad’s to call you back. Is everything okay?” They usually texted until one of them asked for a call or Skype date. Simone worried that he must have been having a terrible day.

“I just…” He inhaled deeply and tried to keep his emotions under control. She didn’t sound upset, but Ashton had found himself trapped in a game like this before. A girl would act cool as an autumn breeze and then wait til he was relaxed to break into a complete freak out, trying to massacre his soul with the most verbal insults in under five minutes. “There’s a girl all over YouTube saying we slept together and have been. She does have pictures out with me, but they’re from like this three months before we dated. I swear to God, Sim. Nothing happened.” Ashton clenched his eyes shut and prayed mentally that she would listen to him. He didn’t know what would be worse the sound of her crying or her possibly not believing him. “I wanted you to hear it from me first.”

“I’ve already seen the video. It woke me up. Stella texted it to me.” Her baby sister was a perpetual gossip which usually amused Ashton when they were all together for a meal or drink. “And it was tweeted at me a million times.” She informed him with a heavy sigh. Ashton swore he could hear her disappointment like bass notes pounding through the phone.

“Are you okay?” It seemed like a dumb question, but he didn’t know what else to say. He cared too much. His relationship with Simone meant more than any of the ones in the past. He wasn’t sure now if he had actually been loved in return by a partner before her. “I swear I would never do that to you. I slept with her a couple times but it as all before I met you.”

“I’m fine. I mostly just can’t believe you ever dated someone who thinks they can pull off a turtleneck with breasts that large.” Ashton was completely confused by her response. He leaned into the bus behind him and rubbed between his eyebrows, pinching at the skin. “To each their own, but it looks as if she is smuggling an airplane neck pillow under there. She doesn’t have very good friends if they let her record herself like that.” It wasn’t that Simone was shallow, she had just been a student of fashion her entire life. She took it as seriously as her father did a polo game. “How are you? I can’t believe someone would be so classless to air all of that about another person.” Now she sounded upset, hurt that someone out there had treated her favorite person so carelessly, like they were a joke. “Obviously, you trusted her enough to he intimate and then she just - ” Simone stopped herself once she realized she hadn’t let him answer.

Ashton didn’t want to admit it to her, but he hadn’t been in a great place when they met. He was angry and didn’t care about too many people outside his immediate family and the band. Girls were just warm bodies and he changed them with every tour date or every few hours, days, or weekends. Most of the women he slept with during that phase, he barely recalled the names of. He wasn’t proud of the person he let himself be, but he credited the London business woman for shaking him out of his reckless loop and forcing him to be the person he wanted to be. Simone loved him too much for him to be a terror to himself or anyone in his path. She had high expectations and he loved meeting them. Ashton loved that she thought he was an incredible human. It was like winning the approval of an actual angel.

“I was so worried you would hate me. I thought you wouldn’t believe me and you’d want to break up.” Now that he knew she wasn’t livid and had taken a more understanding approach, Ashton could begin to think about how to handle the actual situation.

“Don’t be silly.” Lightly, she let out a laugh like sweet ice cream truck music. “Ashton, I trust you. This only works as well as it does because we trust each other.” Ashton’s anxiety had taken him on such a wild ride in the last ten minutes. He had gone through every feeling since Skye, his assistant, showed him the video to talking to his girlfriend now. “I know you wouldn’t do that me. I know you love me.” She kept talking only because she didn’t know that he was crying on his side of the phone. He was right. He had never been loved back before. Not like this, not without conditions or without selfishness.

Sniffling, Ashton took his arm and ran it across his eyes with force. It shouldn’t have been him crying, he thought as he tried to pull himself together.

“I can’t wait to get home to you.” He didn’t have his own place in London, but wherever she was he considered home. Ashton was positive that he would follow Simone if she walked across the planet. “I really want you right now.” She was right. He did feel hurt but Ashton hadn’t realized until he knew that Simone wasn’t crushed either. He needed to hear that she was okay first.

“You have me.” Leaning into the phone, she promised even though she knew what he really meant.

Ashton rested his phone against his phone, sighing with his eyes shut. He could faintly hear her breath and he tried to focus on the calming sound. He was still sniffling.

“I’m so glad we’re okay. I thought you might end things.” Well, he was scared would. Ashton didn’t know he would react in a reverse situation, but he hoped he would have the same grace she did.

“You have me.” Sweetly, Simone repeated to remind him. This time she heard him choke out a sniffle crystal clear.

“I love you, Sim.”

“I’ll see you soon, love. Message me tonight.” She knew she would be sleeping by the time he walked off stage, but she loved waking up to his good nights and falling asleep with his good mornings.

Ashton hung up after she did, waiting a moment before actually taking the warm screen from the side of his face. He had felt so close to losing her, but now minutes later felt closer to Simone than ever before. His heart was still pounding as it had when he was trying to call her at first, but Ashton felt entirely different than he had before. He couldn’t control what people said about him off and online, but he was still in charge of his own life and he was not going to wait any longer to make Simone, Simone Irwin.