#love talking to people
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HELLO, ITS CHRIXYTY FROM AO3!!!! i decided to make a tumblr account just so i can interact with you on here :3 why? because i can. dont question me. i do strange things sometimes. (a lot of the time) but dont we all?
(i was serious when i said i would stop hovering like a ghost and start interacting. you better expect a LOT of comments from me from now on BECAUSE I JUST NEED TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION.)
ANYWAYS CHAPTER 13 🙇♀️🙇♀️ THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF ART. THIS WHOLE FIC IS A MASTERPIECE AND I LOVE THE ANGST !!! (ESPECIALLY DAZAI ANGST 🤗)
like im not even joking no fic has ever made my heart pound every second i read it before...like literally nothing could be happening and my heart is pounding at 150 bpm like damn its so good you might give me a heart attack frfr.
chuuyas so dense but i can kinda get his point of view :( UGH the slow burn is just making me anticipate the moment he finds out dazai's his soulmate even more...(betting chuuya will punch dazai out of anger because he realises dazai did all those things to himself...and then he'll feel the pain from the punch and be 100% certain and will start bawling cause idk emotion overload?? i can imagine it but yea im yapping a lot haha)
OH AND HIS FRIENDS FINDING OUT ABOUT ODAS DEATH??? AHH
also it makes me happy when authors refer to the canon universe in their fics somewhere like when dazai called his friends his "little detective agency" like its a small detail but it just makes me happy.
okay im SERIOUSLY yapping way too much but i needed to get all this out somewhere. my bsf is getting sick of me talking so much grrrrr >:(
(permission to one day when this fic is finished print it all out and bind it?? so i can forever keep it as like a memento and pass it down to future generations so they too can appreciate this amazing piece of literature??)
wow i wrote a lot. if only i could write this much for my fic in such a short time during writer's block.
WAITWAITWAITWAIT. I NORMALLY TRY TO ANSWER THESE TOPIC BY TOPIC BUT BINDING. MY. FIC???? HELL YES YOU HAVE PERMISSION WHAT THE HELL??? THAT'S SO COOL??? if i ask very nicely would you make me one too..? I'd pay postage and everything 🙏🙏 i wish i had the patience to bind fics into books but it requires so much time and patience that I don't have 😭
My only thing I would want to say is that I plan on revising some of the earlier chapters where it doesn't quite flow the way the rest of the chapters do, so if I finish it before I've done that (which probably won't happen, but just in case), I would recommend waiting a little!
ANYWAY. making an entire tumblr acc just to interact with me here? ...that's dedication man🫡 I already said it but I appreciate EVERY comment i get so i will be waiting with baited breath after every chapter!!
Glad you're loving the angst tho, I'm having a lot of the time throwing dazai and chuuya into a washing machine full of stones every chapter. great character building.
The reveals are gonna be so fun I can't wait to write them honestly. I'm so excited!!! Still got ages to go tho, so strap in it's gonna be a while.
I ALSO LOOOOVE REFERENCING THE CANON WHILE WRITING. THE NYE FLASHBACK WHERE DAZAI THINKS ABOUT HIS CONVERSATION WHERE THEY WANT TO BE DETECTIVES. OMG. I WAS SO PROUD OF THAT. AND THE 'soulmate detective agency'.
Do not feel bad about writing a lot cause I loved reading this and responding and once again YOU HAVE FULL PERMISSION TO BIND IT ONCE IT'S DONE.
#love talking to people#please keep yapping in my asks bc they're always so fun to read#bsd#ao3 fanfic#soukoku#soukoku fanfiction#bsd fanfic#silas yaps
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Can you become my first mutual pls???🥺
Yea sure, I don’t mind!
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i love tumblr bc i'm never perceived unless i actually want to /gen
#i cn post my rambles with the illusion of not being heard#that does not mean i dislike chatting with people#so very far from it#love talking to people#ive just been shy my whole life hehe;#also. goodnight:))
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do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely
like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day
#on love#aroace experiences#aroace#aromantic#asexual#aspec#aroacespec#sunbloom talks#<3#just late night revelations#i like love and i love people :)#edit: loveless aros friendly btw#i think that's what i meant when i said love but not really all those months ago#“incredible fondness” is the phrase i really like instead of love#people need to stop coming onto this post being like “nO!! this IS love!!!” shut up you dont know me. maybe it is maybe its not#this was about personal experiences and it blew up somehow unfortunately lol
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Listen man, you guys can't be like "you guys need to be normal about asexuality" and then turn around and get weirdly judgemental when you find out someone doesn't have sex by choice. Like that's weird that some of you do that.
#like I love sex im glad we're hyping it up#but also genuinely some of you have got to learn how to be normal around people who dont want to have sex#even if you're not talking about asexuality when you say stuff like that you're still being a weirdass#im not ace myself but i keep seeing posts that come across like they're taking it personally that other people don't want to have sex#it sounds like theyre trying to prove something to someone
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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Honestly, I don't know if I'm neurodivergent or neurotypical. I don't really care. But I'm assuming viewing every single social interaction as a rythm game where I have to say the right thing at the right time to win the discussion (something both normal to want and possible to achieve) is not very neurotypical of me.
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Lae’zel’s romance arc is literally everything like it’s a one night stand. It’s a two night stand but she pretends she isn’t dying to be with you again. She’s a domme. She’s a bottom. She doesn’t believe in love and doesn’t like to cuddle. She thinks you’re weak for showing interest in her. She thinks she’s weak because she can’t stop thinking about you. She wakes you up in the middle of the night and makes you duel her because she doesn’t know what else to do about being obsessed with you. She cries and confesses her devotion to you if you win. She cries and confesses her devotion to you if you lose. She will tell everyone about your sexual exploits without shame. She’s embarrassed if you try to kiss her in public. She growls at you if you stop kissing her public. She is extremely possessive of you. She wants you to be as extremely possessive of her and is the most visibly heart broken if you cheat on her. She takes half the game building up the courage to ask you to cuddle. She changes her entire perception of the world because you showed her to was ok to approach things differently. She gives you multiple terms of endearment. She’s terrified that your relationship will end after all of this is over. The climax of her romance is holding her hand.
#she’s happiest staying on faerun with you raising a son like she craves the life of a pta mom#but she’s forced to be a space Viking#it kills me that people talk about her romance like ‘she just wants you for sex and doesn’t love you and won’t cuddle’#like you BUFFONS#Lae’zel#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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William Afton lost two baddies in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#william afton#henry emily#mrs afton#clara afton#fnaf 4#afton family#William really lost the two people he considered somewhat equal to him#that must of been a blow to his ego#for Mrs Afton I assume his depression over losing her doesn’t set in till later#cause he gotta come to terms with he did actually love her#which is uncharacteristic of him least what he thinks#while Henry leaving was an immediate blow to his psyche#his parentership meant a lot cause I could see#Henry is one of the only people he thought was even worth talking to#that actually saw his visions#dude must of been a wreck after this lmao
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okay so what actually lives rent free in my head is this line
because like, viktor, girlie pop, what DO YOU MEAN???? this man has KILLED YOU and after THAT you had a homoerotic fight where after you wrapped your legs around him and choked him he rejected you and destroyed your little robot avatar that shed tears about it
and at the peak of your no emotions no free will evolution you are "... pleased to see him" PLEASED?? to?? see?? him??
truly a fatal case of gay yearning
#jayvik#arcane#viktor arcane#if only these two could have said I love you like normal people#I will never be over them I fear#tuome talks#I hope I can start transferring this yeapping to my sideblog but it won't show up in the tags :/
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Listen, I love the "XL helps HC to see how beautiful he is" scenario as much as the next person... But I also see it like this.
#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#hualian#heaven official's blessing#hob#myart#hua cheng#xie lian#I have a friend who's so pretty and confident the pretty privilege automotically applies to her#I've seen people treat her differently RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME#sometimes I look at her and wonder if this how people feel when hc talks to xl#anyway I think that hc needs the bing-qiu method of “not as beautiful as you yes I love you the most” too#also this xie lian took me 3 seconds to draw but 5 mins to sketch it's an art to come up with such a stupid face you know that?#hc my pretty princess <3 I want him on his knees
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if we could stay connected, just like this
#ok last orbit niigo post im emubrained again and also i miss leoneed#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mizuki5 spoilers#proseka#mizuki akiyama#mizu5#nightcord at 25:00#hurray !#meltdown released an amazing translation of the event so i read it and had my final cathartic transgender cry about it#and now i have ~4 assignments due on friday so i have to stop drawing mizuki. sad.#i recommend everyone watch meltdown's translation#please. its very good and better than the mtls floating around#i Get why people wanted to see it translated asap like i Get it i didnt understand half of the wordplay or kanji but like . wah#its so crazy how this event breached containment n how many people are rooting for mizuki even tho they dont play the game so i just#think its a shame that the translation everyones reading isnt really accurate/lacks the nuances.. Ok sorrynits a good event.#ive just been thinking abiut that for a few days and i love talking in tags. Adios#real Orbit heads will know this is an Heartorbit reference (that tarot card sketch i did almost 2 years ago and said i would finish)#(i havent finished shit)
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Lmao OMFG Martin. He's now confirmed to have been jealous of
- (possibly lesbian?) Cop for daring to have private conversations with Jon
- literal embodiment of death Jon has only metaphorically met in a coma-dream
- lady he talked to for half an hour, once
Truly he is the "you know other people" meme
#i mean he was also catty to georgie but at least that's his ex gf#the magnus archives#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#so so unhinged#i know people mostly love to coo over him bc they have self-esteem issues and social anxiety too#i simo over him for being a jealous petty argumentative passive aggressive bitch with oh so many issues#truly the character of all time#WHEN JON TALKED WITH HELEN HE'S BEEN BARELY NICE TO MARTIN AND ALSO ACCUSED YOU OF MURDER??#are you OK Martin???#i know it ended to working out but please have better taste girl
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Beautiful from Ordinary Days
#EDIT: I added links to the post’s caption go click them.#I did this because people were mistaking the words as a poem. I love poems. it’s not a poem.#it’s a song from a musical that deserves more attention. go listen to the song. if you like it go listen to the musical. it’s fantastic#it’ll make you laugh and it’ll make you cry. could not recommend enough.#okay edit over. back to my og tags#long post#and I'm talking LONG like do you love the color of the sky long#today I am a nuisance to your dash#but it's in the name of art and beauty#ordinary days#musicals#paintings#art museum#post i made#i love lyrics#greatest hits
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