#love having to go do a social thing when i'm this triggered and upset and kill me just fucking kill me

[mumblingsage]

I also think it's worth being pedantic about important things...and in that spirit I've spent like an hour writing and deleting various responses to this one (I found myself over-policing my tone and stopped that, so I'll just say right off I have no ill-will toward you and appreciate the contributions, even as I disagree on interpretation in several ways):

First, your tags - "for example a book can really kick off a delusion and set something off that can be traumatic." As I've said in another reblog thread, but it deserves repeating, triggering delusions, compulsions, or PTSD or adjustment disorder symptoms is not the same as causing trauma. We should try to accommodate people with triggers, and much of this accommodation will need to be individualized because the range of potential triggers is vast and often does not include things conventionally recognized as upsetting. I had a loved one make an irreversible error because of a delusion he had that was fueled by the due date on his library card being coincidentally the same as the date of his dentist appointment. That's not a reason for us to have a cultural conversation about the format of due date stickers. Though it could call for a discussion of how we can best support people who are experiencing delusional thinking or psychosis (we are currently doing very badly).

Re: vicarious trauma. Reading the Wikipedia article, I see that the examples given are of real life events reported on in the media, primarily social media and news coverage in the wake of terrorist attacks. I'm not going to get too deep into personal experience here, but let's just say this is not my first time hearing of vicarious trauma, and the important thing is that it is a real response to real harm and disaster. I wouldn't refuse evidence, but have not seen any, that it's caused by 13 Reasons Why or The Bridge to Terebithia or Outlander. (Bellingcat has useful advice for safety and 'metal hygiene' when engaging with firsthand sources of violence. I might use similar techniques when watching clips from a horror movie, but the stakes are not the same. Also, heads up that anyone who clicks through that link will read some text about distressing real-life events.)

"Books can have a significant impact on someone’s mind and outlook and that’s why they want them to be banned." < I agree and I think when people talk about how they don't want kids (or others) to read books about death, violence, sex, etc, they are participating in this. Authoritarians want us to have very particular ideas about these topics and resist any alternative information or thinking about them. When people go around saying "Learning or thinking about something upsetting is the same as being traumatized" they are doing the work of Christofascist Censorship Attempts, and I don't care if it's accidental. We don't need to compromise with them. (I don't have room to open this can of worms fully, but I also think too many people go around saying--for example--"13 Reasons Why traumatized me, I can't believe any library would let a kid read it" and thus send a message to the people around them with real-life experience with suicide, suicidal ideation, etc. that their experiences are unspeakable, untouchable. This social stigma is incredibly harmful.)

"I think it’s more productive to challenge the idea that a book that can potentially cause harm should be banned instead of the idea that books can potentially cause harm." < This is an interesting idea. I love its uncompromising stance. It's one I would adopt if I was convinced books can cause something that deserves to be called "harm" (the two of us may just have different definitions). I definitely believe we all have the God-given right to give ourselves nightmares and anyone trying to 'protect' us from that should be kicked in the fork of the legs.

I'm wondering if, as a society who cares about vulnerable people, we could stop saying "traumatize" when we truly mean "upset"?

I am sick of hearing sad books or movies "traumatize" their readers. I simply do not believe that happens. A traumatic experience might be adjacent to books (I have vivid memories of books I was reading around certain experiences and even how the contents of those books affected my processing of the experiences). But it's not caused by the book. And, y'know. The weather is Christofascist Censorship Attempts outside.

Meanwhile from the other side I continue to be surprised at just how badly people fail to understand trauma and traumatic experiences in general. Watering down the term isn't helping. Find other hyperbole to express that The Bridge to Terebithia gutted you, chewed on your heartstrings, and made you cry your first pair of contact lenses right out of your preteen eyes.

[ranger-kellyn]

the fact that there are literally people out there who firmly believe rape doesn't "justify" an abortion like.......................what the fuck do you even stand for at that point??? needless cruelty???? pointed cruelty?? if you believe that then clearly you're just someone who wants a free pass to go around and rape people to give you children like what are we even fucking doing here

[writers-requiem]

Title: Confession

Pairing: Hank McCoy x Reader

Genre: Romantic fluff

TW: None.

Summary: You finally work up the courage to tell your crush how you feel.

Request: No

A/N: This takes place in my own little AU where they found and brought back Charles. Just for context. Also, things get a little spicy, but not NSFW.

Okay, let's take it back to where it started.

About two years ago, you had joined the X-Men. Yes, you, a non-mutant.

They had repeatedly tried to convince you not to, but the professor saw a great potential in you that need only manifest with the right trigger.

Regardless, you went on a myriad of missions while paired with some of the other X-Men; Cyclops, Gambit, Ice Man, Rouge, Jean Gray, Wolverine, Colossus, Shadow Cat, and most notably, our focus for this story, Beast. In other words, your crush, Dr. Hank McCoy.

Whenever it was you two on missions, you felt unbeatable, yet at the same time, exceptionally worried. Of course you were worried about your other teammates. But when it was you and Hank, your anxiety hit an all-time high. This caused you to slip up at times and even get hit yourself. That of course made Hank upset. But when you were conscious when that happened, you saw him unleash an almost primal rage on the enemy, namely the MRD soldiers that showed no remorse for what they did to you.

There were a couple times when the MRD captured you and tortured you for info on the professor and the X-Men. You didn't talk and were nearly killed for it. But who came to your rescue? Hank. Alone. No plan, no fancy displays, just bulldozing through the hoard of soldiers and guards. And when he left with you in tow, he carried you bridal style, like a cliche action hero carrying their love interest after a big rescue mission.

But the anxiety of the battlefield and getting kidnapped is easily trounced by the social anxiety you felt when it was just you and Hank in a more laid back situation. Namely when you were in his lab.

No matter how long it had been since you had first developed your crush on him, you still felt insecure about opening up. But you already knew that Charles would've read your mind to find out, but he respected your wishes and kept quiet.

Back to present day however.

You were just sitting in the lab, unsure of what to say or do since he was busy and you didn't feel like interrupting his work. Besides, even if you did want to talk, you couldn't think of what to talk about since you were always so afraid to spend any amount of time with him outside of missions. So you just played with your hair and thumbs somewhat awkwardly. That was until he spoke up.

Hank: "If you have something that you feel must be said, speak it. There's no need to be so shy with me, my friend."

His kind words of encouragement only made you even more nervous than before. You dared not move or speak, fearing that you would say or do something inappropriate.

But he surprises you first by standing up from his desk and then swiftly pulling you close to his chest.

Hank: "I'm not oblivious to your feelings, sweetheart."

He gently caresses your cheek and plants a soft kiss on your lips. An action that you never thought he'd do for you.

In that one moment you felt a storm of emotions take you all at once. Relief, bliss and ecstasy. Finally, after nearly two years, he noticed your feelings, acknowledged them and reciprocated them. You felt whole.

You held each other closer and kissed again. This time it was a longer, deeper, more passionate kiss.

One of his hands held you by the waist and the other on the back of your head, gently caressing it.

His tongue was pushing against yours in a one-sided struggle for dominance. His coming out on top.

Your hands however were too preoccupied feeling up his torso, starting at the waist and going up. First passing his solid six pack abs, then higher before stopping to caress and scratch his rock hard pecs that were still visible underneath his green shirt.

He instinctively and hastily removes his lab coat and pins you to the wall, one arm resting against it and above your head. While the other slid up your torso, only he went inside your shirt.

You could feel his furry hand and the razor sharp claws slid up until stopping at your middle section.

The combination of both of your moans through your kissing filled the room with a hot and heavy atmosphere. You couldn't help yourself and squeezed his pecs hungrily before having them crawl up to scratch his cheeks and mutton chops.

But eventually, you two pulled away from each other to give yourselves some air. Leaving you two gasping and panting, out of breath.

You then shared a quick peck on your lips and hugged each other.

Hank: "I love you."

Y/N: "I love you too, Hank."

End

[yanderes-galore]

I'd like to o so formally request a Monkie kid Redson alphabet! (If I already sent this request feel free to delete my brain is being weird rn XD)

Sure! Just a fair warning, I'm only on Season 2 still so if something's off... you know why.

Yandere Alphabet - Red Son

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Clingy behavior, Manipulation, Stalking, Threats, Violence, Kidnapping, Validation issues (?), Trackers, Burning/Branding, Delusional behavior, Attempted murder, Forced relationship.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Red Son, from what I've seen, seems like a character who would often want attention and approval from his obsession. When it comes to affection, he isn't big on physical affection. However, I feel when he finds the right person, he just can't get enough of them.

Once he deems you as the person he loves and trusts most, Red Son comes off as clingy intense, and smothering.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He's short tempered and I feel he'd threaten... but I'm not sure if he'd really enjoy killing someone. His parents are both villains, yes, but I think he'd hesitate on following through unless someone pushed him.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Honestly, I can see Red Son kidnapping you and trying to play it off as some big villainous scheme... But in reality he just really likes you.

At first he has you tied to a chair in his room, acting like he's going to interrogate you. Then all of a sudden he's confessing... trying to hold your hand... and showing you around with a smile.

He would not mock you, he treats you with a surprising amount of care.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He may seem like he will... but he actually tries not to as you're the only one he feels he can open up to.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

At first it doesn't seem like a lot. However, eventually you become the main person he can open up to. With his obsession, he's vulnerable and open with his heart as he really wants you to accept and validate him and his feelings.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Disappointed, in denial, and upset. He confides in you... and you fight him???

He is completely ignoring the fact he has most likely kidnapped you.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No and he wouldn't like it at all.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Well, he's a Fire Demon... son of the infamous Bull King. As an inventor, he may create things to keep you in check or have an eye on you.

I imagine two worst things could either be him kidnapping you and forcing you to wear a tracker... or seeing him lose his temper on someone and nearly killing them.

He hates to scare you.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He probably wants something like his parents as it's the only relationship he knows. He wants to love you, get married, and have you as his spouse.

It would help if his parents approve of you.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Yes he does. He will most likely lash out due to his temper. Usually he lashes at other people, although sometimes he accidentally yells at you.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Obsessive, Clingy, Manipulative, Controlling, Caring, Possessive, and probably also Protective.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He probably met you through MK, as much as he hates to admit it. Ever since then he's found himself thinking about you, growing fond of you to the point of following you around or stalking your socials.

Eventually he drops his ego enough to try and be your friend. You're one of his only friends and you listen to him. He's never had such a connection with someone like this....

Then, he thinks this must be love! Clearly he can't stop thinking about you, so he must be in love! Which gets him plotting on how to go about this.

He gives gifts, attempts to be close to you, and it's safe to say... he has no idea what he's doing... and his emotions certainly aren't normal or healthy. Not like he knows that though.

Is this not how villains love?

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Not really... although he is softer with you.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

I want to say burning but I'm not sure if he's that cruel? Branding does seem like something he could do... if not restraints and isolation.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Originally he tries not to take any, but he'll take what he feels his "necessary."

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Red Son falls under impatient more than patient. He has a temper issue so he has his limits.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

He probably wouldn't and would be desperate to find a way to bring you back to him.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Not really, but he might. Also, he probably would not let you go without knowing exactly where you are.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Probably a combination of curiosity and childhood.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He feels upset and confused. He isn't the best at comfort, but since he loves you he should try, right? He does his best... for better or for worse.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

SKIPPED

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Reciprocate his affections, or at least play along... and you'll have some freedoms to work with.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Not unless he has to punish you.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

I feel there's times he can be a worship yandere when he looks past his own ego. He'd do anything to have you... he's the Demon Bull King's son. He should have you if he wants!

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

I'd say months to a year and a half, maybe?

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Not intentionally.

[evermoredeluxe]

If there's anything recent events have shown me, it's that a large percent of this fandom doesn't perceive her as an actual human being. From the Vienna thing to demanding Rep TV to be released, she always has to be "doing something" to be enough, and spoiler alert: if everything she's been doing isn't already good enough for them, it's never going to be. I just don't understand the kind of entitlement you'd have to demand an artist to openly speak about a planned terrorist attack while they're still actively on that very tour or begging for a new album literally 4 months after a double drop (which is technically 2 or even 3 albums by regular artist's standard) and a 3.5-hour world tour which she's been going for nearly 2 years.

I also wish more people would give her not only the benefit of the doubt that her silence is out of necessity and not a lack of care (literally so, so stupid?), but also the empathy that she herself was also a victim in this whole thing. Vienna fans, as disappointed as it must've been (and I'm not trying to make light of their pain), get to go home and be safe. She and everyone on the tour have to keep doing their job while still being extremely conscious of the possible threats. It's insane to me that she literally has to spell out that "Your need for acknowledgment and social media activism is not more important than my and my employees along with half a million people's safety".

it’s been like this for a couple years! i remember when the anti-hero mv came out and she literally had to change a scene because fans made her feel that struggles are traumatic for them. and of course i understand triggers, but you can’t demand that a person not talk about their experience for you, and not to mention a lot of it was just a bandwagon. all of this was so ironic because she literally posted a video saying that she doesn’t feel like a real human being.

and just little instances like this make me feel so upset because why are you not able to empathize with a person you supposedly love?

also, your second paragraph hit the nail on the head. i have never once questioned her dedication to fans. people love to treat her like she’s dumb, but more often than not, the reality is that she knows better because she’s the one who sees all the threats and potential dangers, not us. she is the one in-charge and she knows that it comes with immense responsibility. so idk lets trust her.

[theshadowsingersraven]

I had this drafted around elaingate, and now that my fever has finally broken, I can piece together my thoughts on the absurdity that is this fandom and the rhys week tamlin and rhys' sister piece debacle. Because, of course, no one has learned anything from elaingate to now, and it's time to wake up and smell the coffee.

If there's one thing about this fanbase that I've noticed so far, it's that people will accidentally tell you exactly who they are in the most embarrassing way possible. What's the main takeaway in the overlap of the rhys week drama and elaingate?

Art, purity culture, and "victimhood." And people deciding who does and doesn't get to fall under the latter.

The thing that I appreciate about elaingate (and I guess Rhysgate??) happening is that it outs the people in this fanbase who don't see art that doesn't cater to them as having same rights as the art they do like/are comfortable with to be celebrated and appreciated in a community event about a character.

It outs people who only care about "protecting survivors" if their trauma conveniently matches what SJM believes to be abuse or trauma. It outs people as having the same performative inclinations of "protecting victims" as pro forced-birth/anti-choice pundits do. Rhysand’s sister, a nameless character, is the perfect "victim" to create an upheaval about because, like Elain, no one actually has to sacrifice anything or do any difficult self-reflection because fictional characters will never ask anything of you.

Remember this quote from Pastor David Barnhart? It's pretty relevant.

"The unborn are a convenient group of people to advocate for. They never make demands of you; they are morally uncomplicated, unlike the incarcerated, addicted, or the chronically poor; they don’t resent your condescension or complain that you are not politically correct; unlike widows, they don’t ask you to question patriarchy; unlike orphans, they don’t need money, education, or childcare; unlike aliens, they don’t bring all that racial, cultural, and religious baggage that you dislike; they allow you to feel good about yourself without any work at creating or maintaining relationships; and when they are born, you can forget about them, because they cease to be unborn. You can love the unborn and advocate for them without substantially challenging your own wealth, power, or privilege without re-imagining social structures, apologizing, or making reparations to anyone. They are, in short, the perfect people to love if you want to claim you love Jesus, but actually dislike people who breathe. Prisoners? Immigrants? The sick? The poor? Widows? Orphans? All the groups that are specifically mentioned in the Bible? They all get thrown under the bus for the unborn."

Rhys' sister and Elain are the perfect vehicle for people to feel like they're "morally just" for "protecting" from...Tamlin. And people creating specific dynamics between these fictional characters, too, I guess. Because they're evil or whatever, I suppose.

"But, Raven!" I'm sure some of you are already scrambling to say. "There are real people in this fandom triggered by Tamlin, and they were hurt! They were so upset/disgusted that they left the fandom because people cared more about fictional ships than their triggers/feelings!"

And I'm going to hold your hand while I say this as a fellow survivor of DV.

No one is responsible for my triggers and caring for my own mental health other than me. And that applies to everyone else in this fanbase, too.

It's my responsibility to curate my online experience as much as possible to my own needs. This space is voluntary to be a part of, and if I no longer feel as though it's conducive to my mental health overall, then yeah, it's probably best for me to leave. Same with everyone else who felt like they shouldn't be in this fandom space because of the elaingate upheaval.

If people rightfully pointing out that this fanbase is extremely conservative and aligned with purity culture and morality policing to the point where art is policed in relation to celebrating a character during their own week is too much for someone because of the narrative around one of the characters involved...then yeah, it sounds like this isn't a good environment for them anyhow.

There's no judgment to be passed on the side rightfully saying this fandom is fucked up, whether or not people are ready to hear that. People saying art that features Tamlin in relation to another character event still has a right to be celebrated so long as that character in the event is depicted has no bearing on whatever real person Tamlin represents to the people that were triggered.

There's only so many ways people can actually be realistically protected from content that triggers them, and tagging is the most consistent way to do so. If the protection of tagging triggering content somehow still isn't enough for people when they might happen upon art depicting a character for one day out of a one-week period maybe is also still too potentially triggering for them, then maybe being in a fandom space isn't the best for their overall mental health and stepping away from it isn't a bad thing.

(And that's all without getting into why its totally fair for peoppe to question how true that ""stance"" of "protecting survivors" actually is when the Elain Week event's tagging system is consistently ignored and not used to actually protect survivors from triggering content. It's interesting how people spent more time angry at people who were adamant about the right to celebrate art instead of the event itself for not having a remotely thorough tagging system. How are you "protecting survivors" from triggering content, including yourself as the event runner, without tagging anything from character names to triggering content/events someone might view? Let's not forget how wide-spread triggers are, too. People have trigger warnings for content involving eyes or spiders due to phobias, not just events that they might have personally experienced, like violence.)

Back to the main point, however.

Issues like these out people as not understanding that creativity means bending the rules of canon however you want, because these are characters, not real people. But real people are making this art, and its value and worthiness of being celebrated is not up to anyone's personal discretion (including event runners) even in situations of discomfort.

It's a shame that the first upheaval happened regarding Elain since she's rarely appreciated outside of her ships anyway, but this Hell-hole of a fandom has had this coming for a while now. This is an absurdly conservative, rigid-to-canon, puritannical fandom, and unfortunately, Elain Week was the match that started this fire.

As a writer, I'm always going to have a hard stance on this because appreciating and celebrating art does not end where my personal likes and comforts do. Appreciation does not look the same for everyone, and just because it's not how you would personally celebrate a character does not mean it stops being appreciation or celebration. Your preferences are not and never will be the end-all-be-all of artistic appreciation in a fandom space. If you don’t see that, the block button is right there, and I've been using it very liberally.

You either stand for all of fandom integrity and creative works, or you don't deserve to be in this space. And I will very happily remove you from my space here since, as far as I'm concerned, you don't deserve to be in mine, either.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for reprimanding someone else's kid?

I brought my friend's 2 foster kids to the park so she could have some time to work on adoption paperwork. The kid this pertains to is the two year old, he's super social and charismatic, both adults and kids are drawn to him, I'll refer to him as K. A little white boy was playing with a soccer ball, he must have been around 7 or 8 years old. K fucking loves soccer and eagerly ran over to the other kid, and they started playing together.

The older kid's guardian was there and asked about K, we exchanged small talk and I praised how gentle and patient her kid was with K. I learned her kid's name, we'll call him T. At some point K got distracted and stopped playing, following his foster sister around. T began playing on the playground with 2 other boys in the generally same age group as T, both were white.

K once again was drawn to T, and now his friends, as they were playing something like cops and robbers. T's guardian and I observed from a distance. T seemed perturbed by K's presence, though K was just watching them and not doing anything in particular. T informed his peers of K's name, then proceeded with, "but he's a poop. A stinky brown poop!" his peers weren't paying much attention and were arguing over where the jail should be. T continued insisting that K was a stinky brown poop. K was becoming upset, he could definitely tell this was an insult and not in jest. K isn't particularly good at communicating yet, he's only 2 after all, but he did manage a proper, "it makes me feel bad when you say that!" as his foster momma has been very good at encouraging her kids to express emotions through sentences with one another like this. What I'm supposed to do with the 2 foster kids, if one uses their words appropriately like this, and the other one fails to stop, I'm supposed to intervene to get the other one to respect their request.

T's guardian was simply observing. I think the social situation was a bit loaded (I was presently the white guardian of a black kid, she was the black guardian of a white kid, I don't know if she was his mom or babysitting like I was, addressing the situation was tricky either way). I don't know if T's comments were necessarily a learned racism thing, or if it was related to K being younger. At any rate, he didn't seem to want to be seen with K by his peers.

I made eye contact with T, and said loudly and sternly, "T, be kind to K or hush up." T looked shocked that an adult stranger addressed him by name. The 2 other kids heard and, as children do, started making fun of T with, "oooo you're in trouble!" and, "yeah, hush up T!" K joined in as well, though he was definitely just parroting the others. T became flustered, his face got bright red and he began shouting that he wasn't in trouble, telling them to stop. I noticed It's guardian watching me, but she didn't say anything, and I didn't either.

T backed away, his two friends then started paying attention to K and were amused by K parroting them, they then resumed playing cops and robbers with K this time. K went back to smiles and being his typical charismatic self, while T kind of stayed away, repeatedly glancing at me. After a bit K veered away from the other 2 and made finger guns at T and pretended to shoot him, leading T's 2 friends back over to include T once again. All 4 boys were then playing together, as though nothing had happened.

I feel like I may have been TA because really, what happened was T was requesting space from K, just going about it wrong. Kids who don't learn to say things like, "I need space," usually use insults or hitting instead. But I do feel that T began insulting the little guy because he's got weird feelings about race, that are triggered when he's with his friends. I have no way of knowing. When we left, T's guardian waved at me and smiled, I returned the gesture and told her to have a good night. I told K's foster mom about it afterwards, and she said it's tricky and thinks what I did was fine, but I dunno. Additionally I may be TA for not stepping in when the other 2 and K berraded T.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[psychicreadsgirl]

Can you do jungkook as a boyfriend? Thanks 🥰

He's similar to the one I did for Mingyu. You can check that reading out.

Jungkook would brag more about his partners to his friends and some colleagues and show their photos/videos to them. Jungkook likes the feeling of being popular.

I'm honestly seeing mostly physical aspects of relationships, so ... this reading is rated R. Read at your discretion.

Jungkook also has this strong desire to make the partner have his baby. He doesn't want to actually raise the child though and be a father. He just wants his legacy to continue, sort of like Elon Musk. Jungkook doesn't like to use protection because he enjoys that feeling of releasing into his partner.

Jungkook also has very strong physical needs/desires so nearly all dates will have some physical aspect to them. He likes embarrassing his partner and seeing them struggle/squirm. He also likes filming these things. I see that he likes to choke his partner and do some intense/extreme play involving pain. He should be careful because someone could end up really hurt/dead during sex. He likes to test the extremes and push the limits so safe words aren't really implemented. So many things that are rated R he probably has all done - whatever genre you think of he probably has done.

He doesn't really gift his partners much. He gives them stuff from his brother's company or gifts that he receives from others like PR stuff etc. He does say some sweet things like you're so cute, you're so pretty, you're the one I'm going to marry, you're my only one, to his partners.

He has very specific "targets". He's the type that the harder you play to get the more he'll want you. He can do a lot to make you fall for him like mold himself into your type. He can cook for you. He can send you tons of caring text messages and be your morning alarm. Then once he has conquered you and has experienced you/knows all of you, he'll move on.

Oh one thing I suddenly am having pictures in my head of is that he likes to go on weverse live or IG live or something live and then he also likes to have a partner somewhere in that live. They'll probably be like in the room that he's doing the live. There'll be some implications of rated R stuff ; he may say some stuff that's actually meant for the partner to hear. This sort of riskiness excites him a lot.

Most of his dates are going to be at his place or his partner's place or another friend's place or at some party/club. I do occasionally see some dates outdoors like at a park very late at night or at some mountain very late at night and those also involve some rated R stuff. I'm pretty sure H&be has done a lot to cover up his tracks.

He does like to give each of his partners some token or some little gift to symbolize that they are his. He'll also want them to post/wear those items like on IG or tiktok or whatever social media platform. Or he likes to make them have a piercing or tattoo on them like prove you love me then you tattoo or pierce yourself. He does like to take some item that's precious to the partner as his. Perhaps it's a stuffed toy or a piece of clothing or jewellery or a picture etc. Even when the relationship ends, he'll revisit that item to trigger memories of the rated R moments.

He isn't really the type to text much once he and his partner are dating. He also isn't really the type to call much too for deep conversations.

I do see a lot of his partners thinking that they'll be his only one and that he'll marry them. Some who have realized that they are not his only one are very upset and frustrated. They feel very powerless because even if they were to reveal what happened, no one would believe them and in a way they feel like they consented to everything bc they loved them at one point.

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Movie nights and blanket forts

PAIRING | Chris Evans x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 2K

SUMMARY | Scott has invited you to a barbecue at his brother Chris' house, and you are going with him reluctantly. That night you and Chris really hit it off and became good friends, but when he learned that you never built a blanket fort before, he really wanted to help you build your first one.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Mention of abandonment by a mother, mention of an alcoholic father, social anxiety.

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Chris Evans Masterlist

''Wait, you're telling me you never built a blanket fort before?!'' Chris asked surprised, and you turn bright red while shaking your head. ''No, I'm sorry to disappoint but I never built one before.'' you looked away, too embarrassed to look at Chris after your confession. You just wanted this conversation to be over with, you never liked it when all the attention was on you anyways. ''Also, please keep your voice down, I don't want everyone to know I didn't exactly have a fun childhood, okay?'' she shushed him and the memories came flooding back, leaving her with a bit of a lump in her throat. Her mom left her when she was 3, and her dad wasn't really a good role model either, mostly drinking beer to get through his days. She's glad she hasn't seen him in about 8 years now, but it doesn't take away from the fact that she didn't have a typical 'happy' childhood.

''You're right, I'm sorry. But I do think we should build one so you can see what you've missed out on, it will be so much fun.'' he offered, and you thought about it for a little bit. ''Can I think about it? I mean, we don't even know each other that well, we just met today...'' you said whit a shy voice. You were never the type of person to go around and meet new people, but when Scott asked you to come to a barbecue with him and his family, you couldn't say no. You always had a soft spot for him since you moved next door to him, and for some reason, the two of you practically became inseparable after only a few short months. That is why when he asked for you to come as well - ''don't worry, they're gonna love you!'' he said - you just couldn't refuse. For him, you'd do anything, and that is what got you into this moment right here.

''Yeah, no, that's okay. Actually, let's just forget I offered. I don't want to be rude and I feel like I sprung that on you. I'm sorry.'' he said with a sorrowful look in his eyes. He looked away and quickly picked up his beer before walking back outside where the barbecue was being prepared to see if he could help. ''Hey, what's going on here?'' Scott asked when he saw the look on your face, you looked both sad and a little scared at the same time. ''Do you need me to punch Chris for what he did? I'll do it right now!'' he said and started walking to the door, but you grabbed Scott's arm before he could go too far. ''Please don't!'' you say with a bit of a chuckle, knowing he would do it without even needing an explanation, but Chris didn't deserve to get punched by his brother, he was just trying to be nice. ''He didn't do anything wrong, it's just me. I'm sorry,'' you said, and Scott left it at that.

''Shall we go have a look outside and see how everyone's doing? I know it's not your usual thing to do this, but they all love you like I said they would. I'm not going anywhere, I promise.'' Scott said with a little pout and a stretched-out hand. ''Okay!'' you sigh and let out a little laugh, still nervous about being surrounded by all these people you barely knew. You'd heard stories about each and every one of them, but it was different now that you were actually here. Scott has always been honest about Chris and the fact that he was famous, so you knew that in advance, but it was still different when you actually met him, you've never met a celebrity before him, and you really didn't know what to do or say. ''Y/N, look at me-'' Scott said before the two of you walked into Chris' house. ''-Chris is just a normal person, like you and me, just more annoying is all. I get that it is quite a big hurdle for you to meet someone like him, but I'll be by your side this whole time. I believe in you!'' he said and with that reassurance, you walked into his house.

At first, you were greeted by the happy barking and tail wagging of Dodger, and you immediately crouched down to give him some love, you always loved dogs. ''Hi, buddy!'' you said and a big smile appeared on your face when he ran to you, sniffing you to see who you were. When he concluded his sniffing and accepted you, he quickly came in for cuddles and scratches, being the lovable goofball everyone knows and loves. ''Ah, I see you've met Dodger already! He likes you, I can tell,'' Chris said with some laughter weaved through his voice. ''Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were here already...'' you said and got extremely flustered when you saw Chris, you couldn't shake the fact that he was famous out of your head, and it made you very nervous. ''It's okay! I get it, I always like dogs more than people too,'' he said with a wink. ''I'm Chris, it's nice to meet you...'' he asked and you told him your name when grabbing his hand. ''It's nice to meet you Y/N! I've heard a lot about you from Scott, all good things of course,'' he said followed by some booming laughter.

''You told them about me...?'' you asked and immediately got very shy, you didn't know Scott told everyone about you. ''Well yeah, why wouldn't I tell them about my best friend?!'' he said and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you a little closer and you immediately felt a little lighter now that he did that. ''Yeah, I guess..'' you said a little unsure and Scott immediately could tell you were getting uncomfortable, your social anxiety started to get the best of you now. ''Let's go into the kitchen and get something to drink, shall we? Then we can slowly introduce you to everyone. Like I said, I'll be by your side the whole time okay?'' Scott proposed and you agreed. ''Again, I'm sorry. It is really nice to meet you, Chris, you have a beautiful house!'' and you gave him a small wave before walking after Scott, earning yourself a smile as a thank you.

The rest of the introductions went a lot smoother, and everyone made you feel very welcome, Lisa even went the extra mile to make sure you felt welcome by getting your favorite drinks and snacks as well. She pulled you in for a hug, one you haven't had for as long as you could remember. Ever since your own mom walked out of your life, you never had the love of a parent, and getting a hug from Lisa made your broken heart a little bit less painful, and tears started forming in your eyes. You really couldn't stop yourself and the tears started trickling down your cheeks, and you can't hide the fact that you're sobbing now. ''Oh darling, what's wrong?'' she asked while rubbing soft circles around your back to soothe you. ''Come on, let's get you inside,'' she said and she gently walked you back inside, letting everyone else know the two of you will be right back.

''I-, I- I'm sorry Lisa, I didn't mean to...'' you started but couldn't stop, the tears that have been built up all these years were finally surfacing. ''Oh no, please don't apologize, it's okay!'' she said and Scott came in. ''Y/N? Are you okay?'' he asked wondering. ''Do you want me to tell her what's going on?'' and you slightly nodded, you wouldn't be able to tell her if you tried, so you're glad he came to your rescue. He told her about your mom, your dad, your childhood, and the fact that all of that has led to a pretty severe case of social anxiety. It took all of your energy to come here and meet everyone, because you were just thinking about everything that could go wrong, and your anxiety was at an all-time high. ''How about you go lie down for a bit? Chris won't mind if you use his guest room. That way you can calm down a little bit, and pick yourself back together before going back out there,'' she said and you happily accepted.

A few hours later you had woken up from your nap and were just sitting in the bed and scrolling on your phone for a bit. Scott knocked on the door and came in, seeing how you were doing. ''I'm doing better now, but I can't go out there now! They all saw how I broke down, I can't face them now...'' you said embarrassed. ''Don't worry about that, Ma took care of that and just told Chris you were going to lay down for a nap. No one else besides us three knows what was going on, and they're not gonna mention it, I promise.'' and with that, you went down with Scott and outside to the barbecue. After a while, the conversation started flowing naturally and you felt more and more welcome, and grateful you could be there with all of them. ''Thank you, Scott,'' you said softly, and your eyes fell shut right then and there after such a tiring day. It didn't take long before you were sleeping on his shoulder, and Chris offered to take you back to his guest room so you could sleep there.

~ A few weeks later ~

''Okay, I finally thought about it and I want to give the blanket fort a try. Ever since the barbecue I couldn't stop thinking about it, and it does seem fun!'' you tell Chris. The night of the barbecue you slept over at his house, and the next day the both of you got to talking. You didn't feel like you were an imposter in his house, he made you feel very welcome and you have been around quite a few times after that day. ''Yes, finally!'' Chris said, and he went to grab blankets, pillows, and a few chairs so he could make a blanket fort with the chairs and the couch. After about 30 minutes it was done, and both of you looked proud of your work. ''Now the fun part, let's get some snacks, drinks, and a few movies for a movie night!'' he exclaimed and practically ran into his kitchen with Dodger on his heels. ''You're such a dork...'' you whispered under your breath and couldn't help but laugh at this action.

''Here are the snacks and drinks, now it's time to go in!'' he said and he grabbed your hand to guide you to the entrance. ''Ladies first,'' he said with a bit of a mischievous grin on his face. You bent down and climbed in to get settled in the mountain of pillows, followed by Chris and Dodger, who didn't want to miss out on the fun and cuddles he would no doubt get in this fort. ''Wanna watch Harry Potter?'' Chris asked and didn't even wait for an answer, he already knew you would never say no to watching that, so he pulled up the first movie whilst getting comfortable. You decided to scoot a little closer to Chris and when your shoulders were touching, he put his arm around your shoulders so you could get snuggled into his side, putting your head on his chest. You let out a little sigh of relief and were very thankful for Scott introducing the two of you, you wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

''Here's to many more blanket forts and movie nights!'' he said while picking up his beer, and you grabbed your can of cola to say cheers with him. ''To many more moments like this one,'' you said and gave him a little kiss on his cheek before settling in his chest again. Neither of you saw it, but both of your faces got bright red at the action, and after 3 films the both of you fell asleep in the fort, limbs tangled all around the other. You have never been more grateful for someone, than you were at this very moment, in your blanket fort.

[proseka-headcanons]

hi i'm the guy who wrote a whole ass essay about my fav ships, with Nene as an unwilling match-maker. headcanons for the Shinonomes bc i love them;

- Akito can draw, courtesy of having an artist as a sister. Like, if he decided to pursue art instead of music, he could. His art is almost on par with Ena's. I think that when VBS was too lazy to do a choreography for a song they want to upload on social medias, they'd make Akito make an MV for it lol (ofc the others would help him make it, n25 style)

- I think it's pretty much canon that the Shinonomes have sweet tooth, especially for pancakes and cheesecakes, but i want to expand on that; New dessert shop down the street? they'd already bought the entire menu by the end of the week. New dessert recipe on trend? when Shinonodad (i forgor his name) came home, the kitchen was messy af and the culprits were on the sofa, eating said dessert while watching netflix or smth.

- Adding to that, everytime it's like, Valentine's, or White Day, or any celebration day where cafes and shops would have like, couple discounts, Ena and Akito would pretend to be couple just to get that discount or free dessert. it's the only time they were nice to each other. Mizuki caught them once. She took a photo of them and sent it to the Kamiyama gang gc. An died laughing. Nene said that's actually genius.

- Everytime N25 had a meeting, at one point they'll get the honor of witnessing the fight of the Shinonomes first hand. like, it's so common for the Shinonomes to fight in the dead of night that at this point, Mizuki already prepared popcorns.

- None of them are a morning person. At 6 AM every morning, you will witness the waking up for school Akito and just finished school Ena. They either stare at each other before having a mutual understanding, or the other would somehow trigger the other and they would have a boderline almost physical fight.

- also yes they have fist-fighted each other for at least 5 times in their life. And i just know one of the fight was bc one of them ate the other's cheesecake.

- Akito is trans-masc and Ena is trans-fem. They traded genders.

- They also traded clothes.

- When they came out, Shinei (shinonodad, i remembered his name finally) actually doesn't really care. for how much he's an asshole, he still loves his kids. Shinei just goes "oh, ok" and hugged them. Shinei's not the best parent but he's trying.

- Shinei actually bought Akito a binder. Akito cried.

- WLW and MLM hostility. that's them.

- Akito knows how to style hair. He taught Ena how to do it.

- ENA GOES TO VBS' CONCERTS AND AKITO ALWAYS WAITS FOR N25'S SONGS PREMIERES. they'd rather die than admit that tho.

ok yeah this is getting long enough. i love the Shinonomes sm.

-- also can I call myself unofficial mod Tsukasa from now on :D?

i love. everything. about this. also call yourself whatev you want (im a lil confused about it but as long as no ones going after my name(iwillfindyou(iamtherealakitoshinonome))). ive read so many sad headcannons about akito being able to draw really well, and ena getting so upset about it that he just stopped all together. dont get me wrong, i am an angst enjoyer but man. one of the serious fights theyve had was over akito supposedly "stealing" the only thing ena enjoyed. :( - 🥞

OUGHFHFHHFHFHFGHGHG.... this is all so real I'm sobbing - mod ena

[sunnylands-world]

Draco Malfoy with reader who has anxiety/social anxiety

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x gender neutral reader

Summary: as it says Draco with a reader who has anxiety

Word count: 786

Warning: reader with anxiety [don't read if you'll be triggered by the topic or description of it]

Universe: harry Potter

A/n: I had this idea because it's me ♡ and I thought some other people would relate. I'm not the best with these headcanon things but I Hope you like it loves. ☺

When he first saw you he was just observing you.

You were quiet for someone at a party, didn't drink or socialize, just sat there watching. He let his gaze drift from you till the commotion started and some guy had his grip on your wrist. He didn't know who he[the guy] was but he could tell you were uncomfortable but you didn't tell the guy to let you go.

Fear: fear of what people may do to you.

You shifted a bit, letting out an awkward laugh. Draco didn't want to start trouble but as his hand met your thigh, your eyes widening, draco stood stalking over to the guy and telling him to get lost. After that you stayed by his side at parties.

He'd always have you close by, grabbing your hand as he weaved through the crowds. And if he had to go somewhere you couldn't be he'd have Crabbe and Goyle keep you company, luckily they made you laugh and smile.

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Next he noticed you didn't want to go anywhere alone.

Alone: Who knew what would happen if you walked by yourself anywhere.

He'd offered to let you leave early because he'd like to sleep in, and didn't care much for being late. You seemed anxious towards the idea, not responding he figured you didn't want to go which said a lot because you weren't the type to make mistakes that could get you in trouble.

He always took you but if he did, he'd make you walk half way, keeping a close eye because the only way to get over your fear was to try.

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I'm sorry, I can fix it: the fear you're a burden to friends and people may not notice you disappear or you've done something wrong and have become unwanted.

Now Draco couldn't read your mind so on the occasion he'd invite you with his friends [still have you close, of course] but you'd seem to not engage with others and when you tried it was always the same topic over and over.

It got to the point where pansy snapped at you for constantly talking about it, you didn't speak after that.

Little by little you'd drift farther and farther away and he noticed.

He found you in a corner, tears fresh on your cheeks. He brought his thumb up, brushing away the dampness.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you or your friends upset" you said, new tears glossing over your eyes.

"Darling you-"

"I'm not trying to be weird or anything I'm really sorry and I understand if you want to leave but I kinda hope you won't and-"

"Shh, shh listen to me, okay? You're not weird my friend can be a bit hard to relate to. I'm not leaving you. Everyone has problems and I'm willing to help you love, so don't cry, I hate when you cry" he smiled

You nod in agreement as he pulls you into a hug, his hand rubbing your back to soothe you.

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I can't help if you don't say: trouble asking for help or talking to others at a quick pace like you'll run out of time.

The first time he saw you arguing it was like you were submerged under water as you spoke. Your voice shook and your eyes glossed. Your words seemed like they were on speed with your quickened breath like you were having trouble breathing. He walked over, resting a hand on your back telling you to breathe.

You wouldn't get anywhere if you couldn't talk calmly.

Next was in class when you struggled with your potion. He didn't blame you though, Snape wasn't the easiest to approach. He called him over for you, squeezing your hand lightly in reassurance

I'm here

You eventually were able to talk now he just had to get you to ask people to come to you without being afraid you were bothering them.

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They're all watching: in which you fear you are being judged by others.

You were in the store looking over the items when Draco spotted you muttering under your breath, struggling to get something loose.

He walked over getting if for you, bringing a hand to your now sweaty one. Your eyes locked on a couple laughing and he understood.

"Just want to let you know love, those people have their own thoughts just like you which means they're probably not thinking about anything you're doing just like you don't think about them." He whispered and you seemed to relax in realization.

Nobody was worried about you because they were worried about themselves.

He isn't perfect but he was there for you when the world got to be too much…

Draco lovers and requests

@alexxavicry, @sarahthehuffpuff, @supercoffeeblogs, @thatwattpadobsessed, @amyclare04, @kyracanwrite, @animeloverfreak310, @imafangirl22, @phildunphyisadilf, @jac1ndaa, @lovelycassy

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.66 Triggered

We left the club and went back to Oasis Springs to grab a bite before returning home, and Sophia was eerily quiet the entire way there. She didn't sigh or anything. Her clacking boots were my only company, and it made me worried. Officially ending things with Yasmine was the right thing, but somehow I managed to upset Sophia, too. I had to find out what went on in her head, but gently, so I let the silence linger until after the server left.

"Heeeey," she said hesitantly, "you're that yoga guy!"

"Uhh, hi. Have you been to one of my classes?"

"Me? Watcher no! I saw you on SimTube. You're even cuter in person!"

I took a quick peek at Sophia to check her mood. Too bad she had a killer poker face. I couldn't tell if she was genuinely amused or plotting my death.

"Umm...thanks. Can I get a cheeseburger and whatever the drink special is?"

She took our orders and left us to suffer through the awkward wait.

"Okay," I began. "I sense you are mad at me..."

Sophia shook her head.

"I'm just processing, Luca."

"Okay..."

"I'm surprised, and a little blindsided, but...should I be mad, though? Because, frankly, I didn't know there was anything to be mad about."

This was totally new to me, and I had no idea what to do. I felt like she was being real and looking for answers. On the flip side, it felt like a trap and I had to tread lightly.

"I don't think you should be mad."

"Please explain. This situation is triggering."

UGH! I was such an idiot. I thought I did what Dad suggested, making sure everyone understood the casual dating situation. But not only did I fail to tell them about each other, I was so in my head about falling in love with Sophia, I didn't tell her anything, and now she thinks I'm just like her douche bag cheating ex.

"I'm so sorry, Sophia. I didn't realize I created such a mess. Nothing is going on between me and her. I swear!"

"I know that, sweetie. I know you, and you wouldn't do that to me. But... I guess I'm just surprised that... I had no idea you were seeing other women."

"Yeah. I realize that now, and I'm sorry. So, like... You know about what I've been going through. I've wanted to be with you ever since our Social Bunny days. You were so easy to talk to, and I felt safe with you. I was so confident there was no one else like you, and that scared me. I didn't trust that the first woman who paid attention to me could be the one. It seemed too easy and felt like a trap, given what I know about my parents. I had to be sure, so I tried to date other women. Not because I wanted to find someone else, but because I didn't want to make a mistake...like my parents."

"It all makes sense now," she said.

"What does?"

"Why we didn't hang out more after the first time."

"Oh. Yeah."

"I understand what you're saying, Luca. We weren't in a relationship, and you were free to be with whomever you wanted. But there's a small part of me that feels a little betrayed, like you were hiding these women from me."

"I understand. Just to set the record straight, I wasn't hiding them. At least, not intentionally. I didn't know if I needed to tell you."

"Just for my own sanity...are we going to run into anyone else you've been avoiding?"

"No. Yasmine was the only one I actually dated. My neighbor in San Sequoia was interested, but I never felt right about asking her out. I consider us friends, so I think she'll be happy for me when I tell her."

"Alright. Anyone else?"

"No. Well, I have another friend...Maira. She's one of my best friends, actually. I was open to dating her because we got on well and she was a good sim, but our friendship just never went that way. I actually told her about you before I asked you out, and she wants to meet you."

After Maira and I had that conversation, I had to reckon with my feelings and name them so I could deal with them properly. Since then, I discovered a distinction between loving someone and being in love. Love wasn't always romantic. I loved my parents; I loved my sister; and I loved Maira. Having love for her didn't mean I wanted to threaten my relationship with Sophia. It just meant I cared for her deeply and would always be there for her...as a friend. End of story.

"Her last name wouldn't happen to be Watson, would it?"

"You know her?"

"Not really, but her sister, Rashidah, is my best friend!"

"No kidding! Small world."

"Yeah... I do think it's kinda weird your best friend is a woman, but if she's important to you, I want to meet her too."

"To be fair, my sister is my best friend, but I get it. I would love to have more males in my life, but I honestly haven't met any guys I really click with."

She covered her mouth, trying to straighten her face, but her cute little laugh broke through anyway.

"Uh oh," I said. "What now?"

"You're a ladies' man, Luca!"

"Why would you say that?"

I knew she was joking, and what she meant, but it still triggered me. If there was one thing I absolutely did not want to be, it was a ladies' man. I always thought of myself as a one-woman man. But here I was, having this awkward conversation after hurting not one but two women. That didn't make me a ladies' man, but I never wanted that kind of complication in my life.

"I'm sorry! I was just kidding, baby. Seriously, I don't mean it."

"I know. Look, I'm really sorry for making you feel insecure. All of this is new to me, and I didn't know what I was doing. But I'm really glad how it all turned out. I'm with you now, and that's all I've ever wanted. Even when I was with her. Are we cool?"

"Of course, babe. This isn't big enough to break us. Just a minor hiccup."

"Okay. I love you, Sophia."

[y-rhywbeth2]

Sooooo I am very curious about your Durge and how they are built. Do they link into the lore of the earlier games? Are they a resist or accept type? Tell us more! 👀

You mean built as in "how Bhaal made him", or as in character build, or as in characterisation? Well, I'll answer them all anyway. Here's more rambling information than anyone needed about my fucked up, socially-unacceptable mess who needs therapy!

[Be aware dead doves may be present, ymmv]

Resist, technically. He woke up with a tadpole in his head and no memories, he wasn't going to trust a presence in the back of his head that kept stealing his bodily autonomy until he understood what it was. As he grew fond of his party, he began to be pushed towards doing good things and helping people to please them (and because it honestly does feel good to see people happy, even as it makes the Urge hurt him).

Of course there were a few exceptions where nobody except Astarion was looking where he was a bit pragmatic or just plain mean, because it was funny.

Then he got his memories back in Act 3 and had a full blown nervous breakdown as he realised how badly he had failed Father and his sole reason for existence by allowing himself to fall for the delusion that he was a real person. He tried to go back to just being Bhaal's evil little puppet, but it was too late and his loyalties were torn between being what his friends wanted and being what Bhaal wanted. There was another panic attack when he couldn't bring himself to kill Minsc because it would upset Jaheria, Wyll and Karlach. Still murdered a few innocent people and a celestial being behind their backs. Also every Flaming Fist in the Lower City, but that was their own fucking fault for having stupid AI. Turns out you can't have everyone you love, but luckily he got to solve this issue by letting Father kill him as punishment for his failure! He repents for his failure and his friends get to believe that he died a heroic sacrifice and move on with their lives - win-win! Except that Jergal interfered and now he has to carry around this tainted, stolen flesh he doesn't want to claim - damn you, old man.

Post-game he's living with Astarion; both having their bad days where they have time to stop and process their trauma now, and also having good days where they adventure; grow into being fully free willed individuals; hunt and kill people for fun, blood and profit where socially acceptable; and get some research done on stuff like Bhaalspawn and vampires. He'll probably be ok in, like, a decade or twenty, once he's finished coming to terms with the idea that he was genuinely miserable and terrified living under Bhaal's control and has formed his own life and a stable identity. In the meantime - abandonment issues, identity crises, issues about autonomy, paranoia about retaliation and religious guilt!

If he had failed in his duel against Orin and been condemned to lose his autonomy (and seen his friends immediately give up on him), or had he not been given death as a choice, he probably would've forsaken the party and fulfilled his original purpose in the end game. But he would've quickly killed them in their sleep first as a mercy! He's not totally heartless! He's an absolute mess.

He doesn't have much in the way of connections to the original games.

I go back and forth on how old I want him to be and haven't settled yet. I don't think he's young. Originally I had him be born in the temples before the Time of Troubles, along with the other Bhaalspawn but then it turned out that Durge's backstory is weird.

Going off of what we're told about being carved from Bhaal's dead flesh, having no birthday and being conceived beyond mortality, I'm assuming he was created from a part of Bhaal's corpse on the Astral Plane, where there was no time. Probably shortly after the end of Throne of Bhaal, in 1369 DR - maybe Bhaal was paranoid about Amelyssan and Bhaal's failure to be resurrected triggered the failsafe and initiated plan B: the Dark Urge.

Or Vel was born after 1372 DR, when Bane was reborn and Bhaal maybe felt a little insecure.

I have contemplated having my Charname meddle with his "birth" to piss Bhaal off, adding part of her own essence into the mixture. Technically it's not incest, because it's purely by magic, but it's still enough to make her sort of his mother and make it weird. Just to make the family tree even more complicated. Also technically makes him a half-human, half-hin, sun elf, quasi-deity. Nothing in this guy's life makes sense.

He's a ranger, because hey, he's a hunter - he just hunts people. He's comfortable hunting and surviving in urban or natural environments; he learned to live off the streets while being homeless after his foster family's death (and the subsequent massacre at the Ilmatari shrine that sheltered him) and learned to live off the land after fleeing into the wilds to lie low. It's also how he's familiar with poisons and venoms. He has an interest in death as part of the natural cycle, so the nature class suits him. Also likes animals, who are significantly less judgemental and more pragmatic about killing. Scavengers tend to follow him around for the corpses he leaves, and he ended up with a few rat and corvid animal companions (though Bhaal often forced him to kill them if he got too attached). It also lets me play a divine spellcaster, although I assume in his case the power is coming from his own soul rather than a patron god.

He's a divine being and an excellent killer, he knows this and it gives him self-confidence in his actions that some have described as "insufferably arrogant" or "suicidal". His go-to tactics for dealing with a problem are: Step 1) Promise death if subject does not submit Step 2) If subject does not submit; kill them Skipping to step two is also always on the table. All problems can be solved with murder.

His dump stat is intelligence, because the poor kid who ended up alone and homeless didn't have much time or resources for education. In another life he would've been a bard, he has a knack for carrying a tune and writing prose. I like to think Orin would've enjoyed art and maybe the theatre in her own alternate Bhaal-free universe, so it's an interesting parallel for them.

He takes an approximation of elven form because Bhaal decided to reverse engineer the Blessing of Corellon, using the soul of one of his elven kids as a reference, to give Vel a physical fluidity/flexibility that would be useful to his plan to breed an army of Bhaalspawn using Durge. Also works as a threat; obey, or there are other uses I have for you, and some of them will see you locked up for nine months. (Vel goes by male pronouns and presents as a cis man, but is somewhat flexible and accepts they/them pronouns. Not she/her though.)

Vel also has a million and one hang-ups about sex because of stuff like this; namely that he won't have any kind of sex that might cause pregnancy, and he used to kill the partners he begrudgingly took so that they wouldn't be able to perceive him during the act or remember him sexually. He makes a special exception for people who he's assigned an "equal" or "higher rank" over himself - they can do what they like with him and it's their right. Those exceptions would be Bhaal (Vel's body is Bhaal's body, as far as he's concerned), sort-of Gortash (except Vel didn't fully trust him and their relationship makes Bhaal irritated, so every time they had sex Vel had to leave and have a panic attack afterwards) and Astarion (who has his own hang-ups). There might have been something kind of going on with Orin, partly due to pressure for them to have "sacrificial lambs" together, but neither want to talk about it. He considered Ketheric, but Ketheric can't die and that would ruin it because Vel would be too busy trying to kill him to actually have sex.

Originally he was going to be the son of a member of the Eldreth Veluuthra, who turned to Bhaal for divine aid because the Seldarine still won't aid the terrorist organisation in committing genocide against the human race, for some strange reason. She would've raised her little abomination into be a weapon to set on them, and enjoyed the irony of humans being slain by an abomination spawned by of one of their own gods.

Since "the Dark Urge" gets you some funny looks when you use it in public, mine concedes to being called "Vel" - a name that only gets you funny looks from the minority that speak elven, because you've just introduced yourself as "dagger/knife." It's a description of him as a tool, not a person. His foster family did give him a name, but he refuses to acknowledge it because it was intended for a person who only existed in their imagination and he'll stab you if you call him by that name. He technically got the name from Gortash, who once "jokingly" referred to him as his favourite weapon one evening, enjoying the success after one of their joint plots to exploit some noble or other and advance both their goals via assassination/politicking. Vel has identity issues and complicated relationship with real Tel'Quessir, so he chose the elven word for the irony (no real elf would accept association with a Bhaalspawn, least of all this one).

Mostly he goes by no name at all. He might pick a new one, in a few decades when he's grown, healed a bit and feels secure in having his own identity.

Vel is Lawful, and alternates between Evil and Neutral depending on his mood and situation. He will fall to pieces without a purpose to structure his life around. He doesn't care if people around him are more Chaotic though, it's purely a personal code. If he takes a mercenary or assassination contract or something, he will fulfil it to the letter and make no attempts to backstab his employer or get any more than the agreed upon payment. He makes zero promises about the actions of anyone working with him, they can do what they want and it's not his problem.

He has a hierarchy in his head: Bhaal > Himself, Gortash, Astarion > Orin, the party > everyone else

His moral compass is a twisted thing that he's cobbled together out of scraps over the course of under two months, it's not very complete or useful. On the good-evil axis, he doesn't usually have second thoughts about taking actions that are evil, and he's not keen on the concept of morality as a whole; there was never any point in developing a sense for it. He never had any real say in his actions and he kind of resents people who judge him for them.

He kind of misses Sceleritas, his "great purpose" and all the power he used to wield, and he would make a fantastic Sharran.

[internetgiraffekid1673]

Musings on How I Experience Love

A.K.A. I learned about a queer identity, and it made me have thoughts about my own identity that are only tangentially related, and I didn't want to derail existing posts.

TL;DR at the bottom.

Introduction

Ya'll. I just learned about a thing called aplatonicism. Aplatonic. Does not experience platonic attraction. And it got me thinking.

To be clear, while I am super happy for and very supportive of all the aplatonics out there, I am not aplatonic. I have a number of friends and I feel all my feelings about my friends very strongly. Probably more strongly than most of them tbh.

Buuuuut, learning that this was a thing made me start poking at how I experience ALL my types of connection with people.

So, consider this post an exploration of my queerness and my relationships in general. If anyone has labels they'd like to introduce, please come forth. I find comfort in labels, and they're kinda fun.

BTW, this is all coming from someone who identifies as aroace and/or asexual arospec.

Familial Love:

If I had to list the most important and valued relationships in my life, all the top spots would go to family members. This is reflected in my day-to-day behavior.

My friends will have to wait hours or days before I can build up the emotional fortitude to text them back, and I find myself dreading receiving texts from them. With my family, I will initiate conversation, text them for no reason, open my phone in the hopes of having recieved texts from them, and feel immense relief when I see the text is from them and not a friend.

I can receive calls from my family without immediately panicking and spend literal hours on the phone with them, where I can barely stomach a few minutes from friends (I have phone anxiety).

I will cancel in person meetings with friends IN EXCHANGE for in person meetings or phone calls with family if I am having a bad day.

I trust my family with information I don't trust my friends with.

When I am home and I have the option to, I will spend more hours of the day being around my family than being by myself, despite being introverted. The same consideration does not apply to friends.

My family is allowed to upset me in ways that my friends are not. I still adore my family and easily forgive them after they push certain boundaries and triggers, but I won't even keep talking to a friend who does that.

Large gatherings of people I know well and consider friends are intimidating and draining. Large gatherings of people I have accepted as family, even if we haven't spoken in years and I don't know them too well, are exciting and relaxing.

All of these things combined make me inclined to conclude that I experience familial love much more strongly than platonic love. I progress from "like" to "love" much easier with family than with friends, I feel more strongly about my family than I do about any of my friends, I will choose family over friendship every time. I've developed a couple of friends over the years that I've become exceptionally close to, and I literally refer to them as "my second family" or "like my siblings."

This is. . .interesting to me, and was sparked by learning about aplatonics. I discovered aplatonicism when I stumbled across a couple aplatonic tumblr blogs, and all the ones I happened upon specified that they were "loveless," indivudiuals whi didn't experience familial love either. But, they still introduced the concept of thinking about platonic love and familial love as separate.

I'm wondering if anyone has words to describe feeling familial love really extra strongly, even if you also experience platonic attraction and are decidely not aplatonic? Oh, also, I have social anxiety, but it isn't really triggered by family members, where it is easily and frequently triggered by friends. I have been overstimulated to the point of tears at large family gatherings before, but it was only with people I literally had no memories of and did not mentally consider family.

Also, I'm not really sure how my brain classifies "family." It certainly isn't "people I've lived with," since there are at least 3 of those that don't count, and most of my extended family does. It obviously isn't "people I'm biologically related to," because of in-laws and legal guardian situations that I do count, but it also isn't "people I am/was legally related to," because a lot of legal extended family that I've never met or just don't talk to don't count in my brain, including people that I technically have a closer legal relationship with than people who count as family. It's some combination of a bunch of factors, and I can't even name most of them.

Basically, familial love is much higher and much stronger in my emotional hierarchy than any other type of love, including platonic friendship, and I find that noteworthy.

Platonic Love:

So, as mentioned in the introductory section, I think I feel my feelings about platonic love/attraction more strongly than the people on the other side of those relationships.

However, I don't think this actually has much to do with my attraction level. I think it's a symptom of allonormativity. Almost all my friends are allorose, and I think this influences the way they view friendships in general. Friendships are generally considered a less valuable, less intense, less committed kind of relationship by an allonormative society. They're like an in-between step between strangers and a romantic/sexual relationship, and people don't really consider that they can both give and take just as much as those other types of connection.

Any friendship involves an obligation. A social contract of things you do for each other. An unspoken agreement that you'll care about and put effort towards each other. They take just as much work and care to maintain as any sort of romantic/sexual relationship will. For people who experience platonic attraction, they also provide connection, safety, emotional fulfillment, enjoyment, happiness, and all the other things that are also affiliated with romantic/sexual relationships.

As an aroace person, friendships and familial connections fully provide all my emotional needs. I don't need or want a "higher" relationship. And when I look at the people in my life who are or were involved in a romantic relationship, some of them continued to put more effort towards and recieve more fulfillment from their friendships than from their romance.

So, I place a lot of importance on my platonic love and affection for my friends, especially those that edge towards that "second family" territory. For those not in that zone, though, I think they would generally consider friendships nice, but far more casual and less important and all-consuming as romantic love. Even if we do experience the same levels of attraction towards and affection for each other, they place less importance on it because they have other emotional needs that are not being met and that society values more.

These thoughts also developed from reading about aplatonics, by the way, and their frustrations with the fact that because friendship is undervalued, people don't extend the same care towards forming and maintaining friendships as they do towards romantic and sexual relationships. People don't ask if they can be your friends as adults, and they don't really do platonic DTRs to determine how much you can reasonably expect from each other. That means an aplatonic who has no interest in being friends with people will suddenly be shoved in this box that comes with all these expectations and they DID NOT sign up for it.

I also have experienced strong queer platonic attraction towards at least one person, and I would use the aromantic term "squish" to define how I feel about this person. If I didn't know that this person is allorose and actively seeking a romantic partnership with someone, I would want to platonically date this person, and we have already acknowledged that our relationship is fully platonic but exceptionally close, and we like it that way.

Romantic Love

In my intro, you may have noticed that I identify as aromantic AND/OR arospec. This is mostly because I am relatively new to identifying myself as aromantic, and I don't have a whole lot of experience with thinking about how I feel about romance through this lens. I only discovered aromanticism was a thing like a year and a half ago, and I have only been exploring the label and identifying with it for a few months.

Before learning about aromanticism, I would hear about romance and crushes and think, "Huh, I've never felt that way. Oh well, I'm sure I will eventually." Now that I know this isn't necessarily true, I have some mixed up feelings.

I have never felt romantic attraction towards anybody. The question comes in my DESIRE for that attraction/relationship. I feel like I could happily live my entire life without a romantic relationship. But, I also wouldn't be upset if I developed romantic attraction for a close friend and entered a romantic relationship with them. That idea isn't bad for me, and I find myself enjoying the thought, even if I don't wish for it and have no desire to seek one out.

However, a lot of the things people consider part of a romantic relationship are things I would do with a QPR. I know I'm not feeling whatever it is they're feeling, and I know I wouldn't behave in the same way, but I can't exactly verbalize those behavioral differences. Just some examples:

Going on dates: I would 100% platonically date someone and actually already do. I also do familial dates. Both these things involve planning a specific time to go do stuff with a specific individual just to be with them because we both like being around each other and we want to spend time together and do things that make the other person happy. If it is a person I have established a touchy-feely relationship with, it will also involve all of the touchy things we do together. With my parents, this is up to and including pecks on the lips and holding hands. With my squish, this regularly goes up to cuddling and laying right next to or partially on top of each other.

Touching each other, even when not on dates. I am a very touchy-feely person. Touch is my love language, but how much I am comfortable touching a person depends.

My parents kiss me, but in the same way you kiss a baby or a puppy. This includes on the lips sometimes. That would feel weird with anyone else, but it feels nice, normal, and affectionate with them.

He never has, but I wouldn't be uncomfortable with my brother kissing my hair or my forehead, which is something my extended family does pretty frequently (aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc.). I don't think I would feel uncomfortable if my squish or my second family friends kissed my hair or forehead, but I'd feel pretty weird if any of my other friends did it.

I don't mind holding hands with my family, my second family, or my squish either, even if that isn't my preferred form of contact (I like something a bit more solid).

I hug everyone who is okay with it. Anybody who likes hugs and has made this known to me gets hugs from me. The same can be applied to cuddling, hair petting, etc.

While I don't tickle other people, I am very ticklish and enjoy getting tickled by people I am physically affectionate with. Anyone who gets forehead kiss privileges gets tickle privileges.

I was in scouts and speech and debate and consider sleeping in the same bed a non-intimate activity. It would feel weird if they're significantly younger or older than me and not family, but as long as we're similar in age, I'll share a bed with a total stranger. We'll probably even end out cuddling in our sleep since I'm a little heat leech when I'm sleeping.

Dancing: I'll happily do anything from formal waltz to intimate tango with family, second family, or squish. I will feel only sort of weird about doing it with friends, acquaintances, and strangers at events that are made for that kind of thing. The more formal the dance, the closer to sort of weird we get. Intimate latin tango? Kinda weird, but not awful if nobody MAKES it weird. Old timey jig? Honestly, it's pretty normal.

Buying Gifts: I don't really buy gifts for other people unless it's their birthday or Christmas, but my friends get handmade presents all the time.

Flirting. While I'd feel really put off by a stranger flirting with me, my friends and I jokingly flirt all the time. In high school, I had a friend who would greet me every day with variations of "Hey sugar lips, nice eybrows." While I have only engaged in this behavior with my straight female friends (I'm a woman), I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if my female-attracted friends of any variety did this too. It would be really, really weird if anyone did it seriously, though.

Sharing drinks/food. I already do this platonically all the time. The only reason I don't share straws with friends is because we're all the age where none of us can guarantee we don't have mono unless we've been recently tested. I do share straws with my family if none of us are currently sick.

Marriage. I would marry my QPP and/or best friend. I know I would like to raise kids if I am ever emotionally capable, and I want to do it with a partner. I would love to live with someone I'm platonically attracted to until the end of time and would appreciate the benefits of legal civil union. That opening sequence in Up called "Married Life?" Apart from the actual making out and implied sex, I would do literally all of that in a platonic relationship. I don't think I NEED it to be happy, but it certainly feels like something I WANT (as opposed to an actual romantic relationship).

So basically, I have no desire for a romantic relationship, but I am not repulsed by the idea, and a lot of the trappings of a romantic relationship are actually something I'm interested in platonically. People with labels come forth!

I also am not freaked out by other people in romances. I have no issues with my friends being lovey dovey with their partners around me, although unless they're really REALLY obvious about it, I won't be able to tell their dating without verbal confirmation. I dislike most romance plots and subplots in fiction, but I can also think of a lot that I enjoy (almost all of which lack sexual elements as well).

Sexual Love

I am very VERY ace. I have absolutely no desire or interest in sex. I have never had a desire. I can't picture myself EVER having a desire. I am disgusted by the thought of myself ever having sex by any definition of the word, including just kissing in a mildly erotic manner. I feel uncomfortable seeing people lingering kisses in front of me, including fictional people, and I skip anything in books that could be remotely classified as sexual. Multiply any squick by like a thousand if it's non-consensual.

I am, however, fine with the idea that other people have consensual sex with each other, as long as I'm not given details. My roommate could look me dead in the eyes and tell me every fictional character she desperately wants to bone, and that she and her boyfriend boned in our room last night, and I would be absolutely fine. The minute she starts describing details, I'm like, "No thanks." Fade to black fiction scenes are great. Implied/referenced sex is fine, even implied/referenced rape in works of fiction as long as it's treated with the necessary gravity (obviously, it's never okay that real people go through that).

I should also add that when spoken about in a purely biological context with clinical language, you can give me as many details as you want, and that I also find my irl horny friends funny during their horny episodes.

But yeah, no sex for me ever, thanks.

TL;DR

I read about aplatonicism, and it got me thinking about all the different types of attraction and love and how I, as an arospec asexual with social anxiety, experience them.

I experience intense and powerful familial love that is far more important to me than any other relationship can hope to get.

I experience platonic attraction, including queerplatonic attraction, but feel that the people on the other end of those relationships don't value them as much or feel they take as much effort as I do because of allonormativity.

I don't experience romantic attraction, but am perfectly fine with the idea of a romantic relationship, even if I don't actively seek it out. I also have a lot of confusion about if a romantic relationship would even look different than a platonic one for me, since a lot of things people DO in romantic relationships are things I do platonically, up to and including kissing and marriage.

I don't experience sexual attraction, don't want to, and am generally grossed out by sex. I'm fine if other people do it, I just don't need details and I don't ever want to think about having any kind of sex myself.

Anyone who has labels to offer is welcome!

[guardian5tiger3]

How to help/overcome issues with anger?

*there is good advice in all of these groups so feel free to read all of them, some of you they will all resonate, but whichever specific one you pick will be more specific to you.💙

Pick a picture-

1 2

3

One

I'm seeing that this is pent up anger for a time when you couldn't express yourself in an unjustified situation. So it seems you guys feel like trying to tame your anger is the best way to help it go away but that's what was causing it. You need to express yourself and let it out so you can process this in order to truly heal from it. I heard trust the process. You guys might need to talk to someone else that you feel can connect with what you're going through in some way. You guys might build up resentment towards people because you want to take things out on them and you know you shouldn't. I'm getting something about a distraction and or walking away. You may do that to people or you may feel upset when others refuse to address you or your feelings. Overall you all are really loving individuals and what's blocking that being how it should within yourselves is that you won't let yourself process what you're going through. It may be scary and painful but it's there even when you're ignoring it and the only way to make it really go away is to walk through it. I'm seeing you guys will benefit from this a lot including socially and it will be easier for you to pursue and obtain things you want.

Two

You may get frustrated when things aren't as you hope for them to be , or when things aren't easy for you to understand. You may get frustrated with yourself when you're not sure what to do. This I got a memory of when I was a child I would try to put a shirt on and I would get stuck and not know what to do and I would absolutely lose it. That type of anger felt very painful. So you guys might be inclined to give up a lot and this seems like it's hurting your self confidence and overall killing your good vibes when this does happen. I'm seeing that you guys do need to be accepting of a patience energy cause I'm seeing spirit trying to provide you with that in a way. If you are in these situation to remember to slow down and breathe. I know from personal experience that is so difficult . But worth it. If you attempt to pre approach situations you know might trigger you with an already patient and calm energy in mind it will go a lot smoother from the start. When one thing happens take a break so it doesn't continue through the rest of your day. Some of you for sure can practice affirmations or just talk to yourself and get a clear mind like yeah but who really even cares if I messed up putting a shirt on it won't matter in a week it really won't and just talk yourself out of it you guys seem very smart so don't assume you aren't capable . If there's issues that need to be healed, for some of you there are, you need to look back on your childhood and analyze what you were told and how you were treated that may have caused you to end up feeling like this because for a lot of you I feel as though this is an ideology that was forced in your head in a more traumatizing way so that you are so emotional about it.

Three

A lot of you have control issues it seems regarding other people. If not that it is that you want people to act a certain way and when they don't you get upset. This is a form of self defense. So you all must try to accept that everyone has free will and allow people around you to fuck up frankly. Im seeing that this involves finding a certain level of inner peace where you no longer feel the need to care about other people like that because you can rely on the stability you have within yourself. Some of you might feel like oh I'm a bad person I will just isolate myself then. No . You are deserving of loving and being loved. As a matter of fact I see being around the right people that are in an energy that would be good for you to be in for yourself or just be around would actually be healing to this. I'm really getting feminine, patient, calm , at peace. Also people who are very rational. All of these qualities are ones you should surround yourself with. I feel like you are wounded and need some nurturing and so I ask that you allow yourself to receive that. And overall the best energies to be around are the people that you feel comfortable around to receive social healing from. I hope this all makes sense. Peace ,guys.

[lutawolf]

TharnType Ep 6

I know this is a long time coming, guys! I'm sorry. Things came up and Tharntype is not an easy series. It involves really thinking and looking below the surface. There are many layers to the book and the show. And for a while there, I just didn't have the energy.

Onto episode 6. Let's bring the pain episode. To recap, Type is making the change from victim to survivor. But with that change comes triggers and emotional upheaval. Which sadly but naturally has Type trying to get back to what he deemed normal.

We see Type smiling as he communicates back and forth with Fai. Sometimes we lie to ourselves, lie so strongly that even we believe. Yes, I'm back to normal! Yes, I'm happy! At least until something happens to show that we've been lying to ourselves.

We see Tharn telling Type that he knows what type of food he likes. Not because Type has told him, but because Tharn pays attention. This makes Type uncomfortable because it means something to him, and he doesn't want it to. You can see the struggle in the way he asks Tharn what he likes, but then tells him that he only asked one question. Type is struggling to put his walls back up.

What I love is that Tharn can see the small things and take them for the huge growths that they actually are. It's not easy to change guys, especially if it's changing your trauma protection techniques, even if they aren't good for you. Example: women think that they should be nice and friendly to men, that this will protect them. It's actually the opposite, being nice and friendly can often put us in dangerous situations. Things we know better than to do, but we don't want to appear rude and unfriendly or cause upset. But going into a hallway void of anyone but one man and few exits is stupid and dangerous. It should go against our survival instincts, but we've been conditioned to not hurt feelings. What other animal do you know that pretends to like their opposite sex when they feel threatened?

Now, for someone who has learned this lesson the hard way. Defenses are tight, high, and strong. Few people actually understand why, but I would argue that it's actually more naturally than how we are conditioned to behave. I get it, we're humans and social structure dictates friendliness, but at what cost? There has to be a middle ground, and it can be a struggle to find it.

Tharn pays a lot of attention to Type. He knows what he normally behaves like, so he knows that Type is acting out of character. It makes him suspicious. Which he should be concerned, as we find out. Techno lets it slip. There is a huge blow up. Tharn tells Type that he is his, and Type hits him. Now what we have to figure out is if this is a trigger or not. You trigger someone with PTSD and it's dangerous. But Luta, he didn't hit those other people who triggered him! No, he didn't, he said nasty things but didn't hit. But Tharn is becoming Type's safe space and his constant. Those people can be in the most danger when someone with PTSD hasn't yet gotten the help they need. PTSD is emotional confusion with the past and the present. A stranger is easier to differentiate than someone close to you. I'm not saying this is right, I'm just explaining how the snap to violence can happen. It doesn't mean someone who loves us should accept it, it means we need help.

What we see from Tharn is actually pretty common of PTSD partners. More hurt than harm.

Let's talk about the 10 rules for casual relationship: 1) Never get jealous. 2) No emotional involvement. 3) Don't cross the line. 4) Can become exclusive, but not necessarily. 5) Don't share partner with friends. 6) If a partner wants a real relationship but not with you, then don't cause a ruckus. 7) Don't be overly attentive. 8) Both partners can have many lovers. 9) BF/GF is priority. 10) If caught. Game over.

This screams the need for control. Type is feeling out of control right now, and that's something he needs badly. It also says that he doesn't really want a gf, he just wants control back. You see this especially in his talk with Techno because the last thing he wants is for Tharn to get over him.

Tharn really knows Type. He's calling his bluff. Then Type says he isn't coming to his gig, so he thinks he has lost.

I truly love this series, and it's for the raw moments like this. I've talked before about the fact that there are couples who burn bright. Who need the drama because drama has been such a large part of them that they don't know how to live without it. That's this couple. In a normal relationship, Tharn would smoother his partner and Type would constantly be fighting with an outside source. That would traumatize that partner, but together, they are balanced and happy. Maybe they aren't healthy, but relationships are made up of behaviors, and all behaviors can be characterized as healthy, unhealthy, or abusive. However, the behaviors may look different for different people, and what is unhealthy for one person may be abusive or healthy for another.

Type is telling Tharn what happened, and he says, "The slap was nothing compared to what I did to her." I've said it a million times, but Type is actually a very good person. He just isn't perfect. He doesn't fit the moral standards that everyone thinks he should, but that doesn't make him a bad person. He is a person still on the road to growth. As Tharn says, "Type has some self awareness."

A shy Type is adorable. And they are now official.

This moment is everything. It's Type pushing his way out of his comfort zone. Showing Tharn that he is trying.

Giving a protected piece of himself to Tharn. Letting him know that he trusts him. From the way Tharn gulps and says Type's name, it's everything he has ever wanted from Type.

They are far from a perfect couple, but they are perfect for each other.

That's it for episode 6. Drop me some likes and comments to let me know that you want me to keep going! 💜💜💜