#love getting asks that require writing actual academic articles lol

[dailykafka]

Was kafka really a zionist?

First, I feel like I have to mention that the modern day zionism (which is used as propaganda that serves Israel) is very different from what it was in its starting days. Europe's rising antisemitism in 20th century made jewish life impossible there and a seperate Jewish state was a last chance for jews to survive.

Fun fact! Did you know that Israel was supposed to be in Africa but other european colonisers didn't want another major power in Africa?

Back to Kafka. When Zionist movement was just starting in Europe Kafka was quite fascinated by it. He was close friends with some very devout zionists in his late twenties, went to lectures and seminars and was close with the movement. But over the years Kafka changed his views, he disagreed with the movement on various issues and he distanced himself from it mainly because he did not share their idea about creating a seperate jewish state in middle east.

Kafka often spoke of immigrating to Palestine but ultimately for him it didn't solve the "jewish problem" (he didn't think packing up and settling somewhere else would bring true peace for jews). Kafka was more concerned about the lives of jews in Europe and how they could have lived peacefully in Europe (he states very clearly in diaries and letters too that he didn't want to leave home and go somewhere else).

So shortly, Kafka shared zionists' sentiments of protecting jews from discrimination in Europe but he was against forming a jewish state in middle east.

Also a bit off the topic but the way Israel for years has tried to literally trap Kafka's works in Israel and has worked on creating the myth of "zionist Kafka" is worth taking note of. The legal battle over Franz Kafka's work and to whom it belongs has been very messy. I have seen couple of times Israel trying to portray Kafka as if he belongs to Israel just because he is jewish. I doubt Kafka would approve of this.

[adamsvanrhijn]

not to be very annoying, but do you happen to know any good books/resources about lgbt slang/identities in victorian/edwardian/etc england? (i mean, things such as lesbians calling each other "toms" and the like). don't worry if you don't know any, but i just figured i'd ask since this was kinda in your Area Of Interest so you might know some off the top of your head.

the not annoying at all but this is a more complex question than at first glance hahaha

TL;DR: there are many types of queer language / we have way more info about men, who have their own lexicon / this era is widely seen as the era in which the concept of identity is actually coming into play / books list at the end, scroll down til you reach bolded text if you don’t want my commentary.

so when you’re looking at mid 19th - interwar lgbt communities, whether in europe or the uk or the usa it doesn’t really matter bc this is quite universal, you’ve got at least three registers, for lack of an easier word:

how self-identified homosexual, inverted, queer, abnormal etc men (henceforth gay men) speak with each other

how self-identified “” women (henceforth lesbian women) speak with each other

interactions between these groups

these naturally intersect with other socioeconomic class factors.

back to england specifically:

despite legal considerations gay men have the most agency and ability to move around and therefore are more likely to interact with each other and form communities. so now you have additional registers:

upper middle / upper class

middle / lower middle / working class (more registers here but nobody asked me and i promise i will give you recs soon)

again, interactions between them

the latter category has limited applications; most of them have to do with prostitution or casual sex and tend to be about categorizing people in terms of what sex acts they participate in. (this is universally true of most forms of gay slang and/or their origins for obvious reasons) think locker room talk. OR, we’re looking at cross class relationships and how other people view members of cross class relationships. not to generalize bc there are other things than this but what is best documented here is the upper class pov of these interactions

for the first category there is much less slang & unique community language, when you look at letters and works of literature etc etc people are picking and choosing from both medical/psychiatric terminology, which is developing rapidly from the 1860s on, and like, classical works; you get a lot of alluding to things. artistic communities (bloomsbury group, natalie clifford barney’s harem in paris and what have you) meanwhile are sort of all over the map. but bc this isn’t Polite Society talk, most of the sources for this kind of language tend to be limited in scope. which is true for all subculture language really but like in this case, authors of the day who are writing what they know are we think giving a pretty accurate picture of what their actual communities were like... but it’s put through a filter for publication.

by the 20th century urban working class gay men in certain circles are using polari, a subcultural lexicon which came from mid/late 19th century theatre and music hall slang, which came from fairground cant, seafaring , labor slang, Yiddish, cockney, theatre slang, fishmarkets, French, Italian, underground crime rings literally i could go on and there’s lots of debate about this. it’s turn of the century when it comes to be used very widely within the gay community, and while its origins are in london it made it to other uk urban centres fairly quickly. this lasted well into the latter half of the 20th century and is the base for a lot of community slang today, which leads me to

lesbian women, who also used polari, albeit to a lesser extent. these were primarily lesbians who were also in the 3rd camp above - ones who are involved in the community and interacting w/ gay men regularly. (”straight women who work in theatre” is another category of woman polari speakers haha but performance slang went thru many changes and eventually things got p separate so you had fairground & theatre cant and gay subculture slang having similar roots but very distinct in usage)

for lesbian communities the same thing as w gay men applies for the upper classes just to a lesser degree due to the relative lack of a community experienced by women

but a very important point here is that, ESPECIALLY during the victorian period, less so moving into the 20th century, intimate relationships between women are viewed very, very differently than those between men - male relationships have hard and fast boundaries of what is and isnt acceptable, those of women do not. 

the development of identity w/ sexuality for women i think in many ways had a lot more to do with women who expressed their gender differently than women who had intimate exclusive relationships w/ other women 

anyway the point is there unfortunately is no like comprehensive text for All Queer Language at this point in time, nor for the development of sexual identity, and the nature of this field (linguistics + history + sociology about queer stuff) means that a lot of the good work is in academic articles which i do NOT know off the top of my head. :-( but here’s some stuff !!

LIST OF THE ACTUAL BOOKS SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT

ok so these are all nonfiction, mostly academic nonfiction, but i want to stress that contemporary literature is a REALLY good way to get a (often rose tinted but not always) look into subculture and there are many novels that play with and/or poke at the ongoing development of sexual identity, especially in edwardia, especially especially in the 1920s, so if youve got endless time to read on your hands it is absolutely worth poking around there.

i have a list in the works of 1920s literature that has lgbt stuff in it and i realise thats a bit late for you but even so!!

also: compilations of letters, memoirs, etc are like super super invaluable 

anyway ive bolded the most important ones:

Kosofsky Sedgwick, Eve. Epistemology of the Closet. 1990. University of California Press. [required lgbt theory reading, literally the foundation for soooo much]

Marcus, Sharon. Between Women: Friendship, Desire, and Marriage in Victorian England. 2007. Princeton University Press.

Robb, Graham. Strangers: Homosexual Love in the Nineteenth Century. 2003. [this is like, functionally prerequisite reading for any gay male stuff for the 19th century & robb is an excellent popular historian who also has an actual academic background]

Rupp, Leila J. Sapphistries: A Global History of Love between Women. 2008. NYU Press.

Russett, Cynthia. Sexual Science: The Victorian Construction of Womanhood. 1989. Harvard University Press. [touches on things but is not About sexuality/identity]

these are both already on my downton abbey research list but they both discuss language thruout and identity very thoroughly:

Brady, Sean. Masculinity and Male Homosexuality in Britain, 1861-1913. 2005. Palgrave Macmillan.

David, Hugh. On Queer Street: A Social History of British Homosexuality 1895-1995. 1997. HarperCollins.

for polari, see basically everything paul baker’s done. the 2019 might be the most accessible but i havent read it yet:

Baker, Paul. Fantabulosa: A dictionary of Polari & gay slang. 2002. London: Continuum.

Baker, Paul. Polari: The Lost Language of Gay Men (Routledge Studies in Linguistics). 2002. London: Routledge.

Baker, Paul. Fantabulosa! The Story of Polari, Britain’s Secret Gay Language. 2019. London: Reaktion.

while it predates the era youre asking about, this book is good reading that leads up to the changes of the victorian era in sexual morality & how that affects identity and language:

Donoghue, Emma. Passions Between Women: British Lesbian Culture 1668–1801. 1995. HarperCollins.

also i hate to do this but like. foucault lol. obviously not focused on britain but very much focused on the development of identity and sexuality. 

ive been working on this for like three straight hours im gonna go eat lunch now

[cancerbiophd]

Hey! I’m sure this is a question you get asked a lot but how did you decide that a PhD was for you? I’m about to enter the last year of my undergrad and have really enjoyed the lab work I’ve done previously but it feels like a rather large commitment when I’m not 100% sure I’m going to end up in research at the end of it. I was just wondering how you knew it was what you wanted to do!

Hello!

I actually have never been asked that question before, which was surprising for me too. I get a lot of “how did you know lab research was right for you”, but never specifically about how I knew a PhD was right for me (or maybe I did and I just didn’t answer it well), so I’m really glad you asked!

As you said, it really does come down to answering yes to both these statements: 

The career path I want is best accomplished with a PhD

I am willing to commit to the challenging journey of 5-6 years of grad school (+1-3 years of being a post-doc, if applicable to your field)

So here are the reasons how I knew getting a PhD was the best past for me:

I loved research. And I loved research beyond just doing benchwork--I loved the brainstorming, the experimental design, the analyzing of results, the troubleshooting of the unexpected, the dissecting of both broad and fine details as you solve a puzzle, the moment when you realize you just discovered something no one else has ever seen before, and communicating those exciting results. I was infatuated. When I was working as a lab tech in a cancer research lab after undergrad there were nights where I couldn’t sleep because my brain just would not stop brainstorming new ideas and questions about my research. I told that to a current grad student in the lab at the time and he was like “You know what that means? You have the mind of a grad student.”

And I wanted to broaden my skillsets. I could do a few techniques really well, but I really wanted to learn more, and I also wanted to learn more about those techniques--why do this, and not an alternative? What would happen if we tried this? I wanted to explore more. 

Going off of that, I wanted to keep learning. And not just looking up wikipedia articles by myself; I wanted formal training (because I had no idea what I needed to learn). And I’ve always been good at learning in a classroom setting so I knew I would excel at that part in grad school. 

It would lead me to the career path I wanted, which was to work at a biotech company as a leader of a research team and then become a consultant. True, a PhD is not required for that in many cases, but a PhD would better prepare me for those roles

I enjoyed writing and orally communicating about my research. PhD’s do metric ton of writing (grants, papers, reports, etc) and oral presentations (conferences, meetings, collaborations, etc). And I really enjoyed (and was good at) all that. 

I wanted to be in a position where I could lead and mentor. As someone with the highest degree in the room, institutions look to the PhDs for direction. So PhDs will become leaders--whether it’s a lab of their own in academia, or a team in an industry setting, etc. Even grad students have undergrads, or have to TA. And I was ready for, and wanted, all that. 

I was good at wearing a lot of hats. PhDs don’t just do a singular task; during grad school we learn to be versatile (you have to be in an academic lab setting), and that versatility carries through later as we become excellent multitaskers and are good at adapting to new challenges. And as someone who has always successfully juggled school and work and multiple extracurriculars, and had experience being a rockin lab manager (in the lab I worked in after undergrad), I knew I was up to it. 

I loved working by myself but I also loved working as a team--and that’s a necessity for research in general, even for non-PhDs, but PhDs are more likely to have to excel at both. 

I was mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially ready for the challenges and commitment of 5-6 years of grad school (plus 1-3 years of being a post-doctoral fellow, if applicable). Grad school is tough as balls, and you have to be just as tough, or at least have the resources to help you. I took a gap year of 2.5 years after undergrad to a) figure out what the heck I wanted to do/get research experience and b) mature to the point where I could be ready for something like grad school. I feel that working as a full-time lab tech really allowed me to immerse myself into the closest setting of a grad student in my field as possible. Being there 40 hrs/week really is different than when you’re an undergrad researcher popping in for 2 hours/day. I also took a grad-level class to see if I could mentally balance class and research. I know that’s obviously not an option available to everyone (nor is it necessary), but that’s just how I knew that every part of me could handle the rigors of grad school. 

Going off of that, I had a lot of grit and discipline. Sometimes that’s all you have left to get you through the day in grad school when everything else feels depleted. Grad students do a lot of things they’re not motivated to do, but we gotta get it done anyway, and sometimes grit is all we have to make our limbs move. 

PhD holders and PhD students at the time were telling me I’d be great at pursuing one. They know better than anyone what it takes, and they knew I was ready. 

Also dang, I’d be lying if I said money didn’t play a role in it. I graduated college in 2011 during the grand ol recession, and the job market stunk. I saw that options for biology majors were slim to none (I was extremely lucky to have found my lab tech job), so I knew I had to either wait it out until the job market bounced back, or make myself a more attractive candidate for the workforce, or both! (Let’s not talk about the economy during Covid lol). Also, the thought of making over 100k with a PhD was attractive. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, but money does buy happiness, because money buys food and a roof over your head and warm clothes and healthcare and hobbies so uh, yeah, I did get the highest degree possible partially for the money. 

So why not a Masters? That’s a good question!! And the truth is: I didn’t know I could accomplish most of what I wanted with a Masters. And that was my fault for not doing my own research, but I think I was just.. surrounded by PhDs (both in my academic lab setting and in my family) and the thought of doing a Masters never really occurred to me. Also, idk, I knew in my heart and in my bones I wanted a PhD, so I’m not sure if I would be happy with a Masters. 

Lastly, because this list is personal to me, getting a PhD would get me off my mom’s shit-list and end her endless emotional abuse towards me being worthless, etc. Long story, but yeah, it did factor into it as kind of a bonus point. 

So thar’s my spiel.  

One last thing I want to add: though continuing research is the most common career path for PhD holders, it’s not the only one. Here’s what else is available for PhDs (from the book Career Opportunities in Biotechnology and Drug Development by Toby Freedman)

If the image is hard to see, there are 4-ish main branches, and then some sub-branches (and even more specialized sub-branches that aren’t labeled):

R&D: Discovery research, preclinical research, bio/pharmaceutical product development, project management, clinical development, regularly affairs, medical affairs

Services: Recruiting, law, venture capital & banking, management consulting

Operations: Bio IT, quality, operations

Commercial Operations: Business development, corporate communications, product support, sales, marketing

And that’s just in the industry sector--academia, government, and non-academia/non-govt research institutions are also obviously available as career choices, though those would focus more on R&D (and also teaching). 

You obviously don’t need to know the specifics of your career path before committing to grad school, but I think you should have a general idea that what you want to do would best be accomplished with a PhD. 

If you’re still on the fence, I would advise:

Talking to more grad students or degree holders--both PhD and Masters (our Gradblr Discord is great for that!)--to paint a bigger picture.

Informational interviews are also great, especially if you’re interested in learning more about those career paths above. 

You can also explore the field a bit more in-person by starting off with a Masters (less time commitment than a PhD, though more expensive), or an entry-level research job like I did. 

Best of luck! 

[colorisbyshe]

Your post about the SAM the other day that mentioned academia as part of the problem... you're so right. I read a few social science journal articles about asexuality and here is what jumps out at me: researchers are getting all their participants from AVEN, who repeat AVEN lingo re: the SAM, then this gets published as 'facts' and now people who believe the SAM can point at these published articles and say 'SEE?' It's insidious.

Whats worse is when they quote studies with like zero scientific integrity or do shit like group ALL aces together so they’re like “SEE aces face HIGHER RATES OF SEXUAL ASSAULT THAN STRAIGHT PEOPLE” and you look at it and it includes lesbian, gay, bi, and straight aces all in one lump and it’s like... well... yeah cause LGB people have higher rates of sexual assault. Not to mention it doesn’t study when the sexual assault happened, which means it excludes the possibility of sexual trauma leading to someone to identify as ace.

My fave was the study on HYPOTHETICAL job discrimination where they asked like... college students if they thought aces MIGHT be discriminated against at work.

This is why I shy away from the lure of ~ethos~ in any LGBT topic because a. anyone can publish a study (and in fact a lot of studies published online on easily accessible websites are just undergrad projects for like polisci/soc 101) and b. getting far in academia doesn’t require being right, it just requires either writing well, memorizing shit, or being manipulative lol.

Not to mention... academics disagree with each other all the time? There are essays made as rebuttals to other essays which were made to rebuke the findings of a survey which was made to make a point against a news segment they saw before passing out once.

I’m not pushing some anti-intellectual “Fuck all academic writings, it has no value whatsoever” type shit, like, there’s value to studies that have come to the same conclusion when applied multiple times. There’s value in educated perspectives.

But in softer sciences, especially those around marginalized identities... shit tend to float to the top, especially since those departments/conventions/publications are often run by cishets or depend on cishet funding. Takes that reaffirm preexisting power structures and don’t rock the boat and come from more privileged voices always, ALWAYS excel in ways radical, controversial, and marginalized takes don’t.

Not to mention takes that are “mean” are often immediately shut down. The same way most of the BLM articles you’ve seen on facebook from your white friends are “gentle reminders uwu to not be racist uwu” or “Yeah fuck the police but not ALL of htem I’m sure we can reform” or whatever else. Whereas truly radical takes get smothered, whitewashed, reframed, or manipulated (”when I say defund I don’t actually mean DEFUND just like cut 5% of their budget teehee”).

Media matters n that it has impact. But the media, academia, and all that shit that gets pushed to the forefront and therefore remains the most visible is often non-controversial (unless looking for clicks) and often not reality-checked or even fact checked because the preson eventually publishing the skimmed down version dooesn’t even know what to be looking out for.

That’s why I’m completely disinterested in “X GROUP LOVES ACES!” or “THIS TWO PARAGRAPH STUDY ABSTRACT SAYS WE’RE OPPRESSED NOW” or whatever. What matters is the boots on the ground.

I care more about my gay friend across town’s real life experinece than I do about “what if hypothetically aces were oppressed and could say some slurs if they wanted to.”

[lawyerd]

Hi, non-law student here asking out of curiosity: what does law review mean? Like, as an educational activity, what is that?

Oh yeah, sure! 

So nearly all law schools produce at least one academic journal that’s entirely curated and edited by the students. Most schools publish a “Law Review,” which is a general survey of legal topics, and larger/better-funded (lol) schools also produce “Law Journals” that are content-specific (i.e. Harvard International Law Journal and Harvard Journal on Legislation). The articles we publish are written by scholars from across the country who submit their pieces to us for consideration. So it’s not student work, it’s real, academic scholarship. 

Law Review is typically considered more prestigious than a journal, but being on a journal, any journal, is huge in law school because it’s difficult to get on staff at all. There’s actually a writing/editing competition called a “write-on” at the end of your 1L year where you’re asked to complete a series of tasks, from writing an essay yourself to editing a poorly written article. The students who perform the best in the competition are extended invitations to join the journal’s staff. I think some schools even have a grade requirement to apply - like, you can’t even participate in the write-on if your grades are beneath a certain point. 

Once you’re on staff, your tasks vary from school to school and journal to journal. Our law review staff writes a student note (research paper that they can submit for publication) and spends a lot of time meticulously reviewing the footnotes in the articles we are publishing to update them to Bluebook format (Bluebook is the legal style guide. It’s 500 pages. So there are a lot of rules to follow and it takes a detailed-oriented person to make all the necessary changes). In your 3L year, if you’re selected as an e-board member, you have a slew of new responsibilities corresponding with your position. I’m Executive Articles Editor, so I select the pieces we’re going to publish, liaise with authors, manage our Articles Editors and am editing two pieces myself. 

It’s a pain in the ass, but it’s a heck of a resume booster. Employers love to see Law Review/Journal experience because (1) it means you performed well enough in the write-on and (2) it means you’re willing to do a bunch of tedious work lol. Some employers even will say “Law Review/Journal experience preferred” in job applications. 

[purplesurveys]

706

What weird food combinations do you enjoy? I’m willing to experiment mayonnaise with most food. I also dip my fries in hot fudge sundae and because I’m Filipino I have to have my fried chicken paired with banana ketchup. Where do you get your news? Usually from the Twitter and Facebook handles of my go-to news outlets. My dad is also the only one who turns on the TV in the dining area so whenever he’s home and watches the evening news I get to hear the reports as well. What social stigma does society need to get over? HIV/AIDS, dating or marrying the same sex, tattoos... even breastfeeding is a fucking stigma lmao. So many people are babies. What is the best/worst prank that you've played on someone? I hate being the victim of pranks so I never pull them on anyone. What was the last photo you took? My dog jumping up to ask for food last night.

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Lately our president has been wanting to give nightly addresses on TV every midnight so when I hear another announcement from the government I just roll my eyes because I know it’s gonna be another hour-long speech that not only has absolutely zero substance to it, but made everyone unnecessarily stay up that late. What are you currently worried about? I’m worried about my remaining academic requirements. With the suspension of online classes and the lockdown being extended until April 30 (which is virtually the end of the semester), I have no idea what’s gonna become of our academic calendar and my grades – and the status of my graduation.

A notable school in the country already mass-promoted (read: passed) all their students and is planning to give tuition fee refunds since only two months of the sem were used. It’s honestly the most responsible thing to do for now and I hope all other universities follow suit.

Do you think aliens exist? I believe we aren’t the only ones alive out here but I also don’t think they look like the creatures books or movies have made them out to be. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? Meh, was never a fan of anything mythical/mythological. What are you interested in that most people aren't? Pro wrestling. In my 15 years of being a fan I’ve only found literally a handful of people (at least who are also Filipino) who shared the same passion or amount of interest as I have. It’s just never been a popular topic or fanbase here so I never get to bring it up – and I’m afraid to bring it up because people seem to judge anyone still into wrestling these days. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? My most pointless purchase was a pink bar of soap with lettering that says “Gay Bar.” It’s a novelty item at best and I never needed to buy it, but I had money that day so I did and now it’s gathering dust in one of my drawers. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The PS1 start-up noise is a big candidate. If given the oppurtunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? They have museums about everything now, so I think it’d be a good idea to turn to my roots and make an ancestral house instead and have it in our home province. My family has a rich history and it’d be a waste if we allowed ourselves to forget. When was the last time you immediately regretted what you said? I think last night? We were having pork belly bought from outside for dinner and I was talking about how good it tasted and that it was the best thing I’ve had in a while. I forgot my dad has been cooking us a different meal every single day since the quarantine started and they all have tasted amazing as well. After I realized what I said I felt like shit and immediately downplayed the pork belly so that he didn’t feel left out. What's the silliest thing you've seen someone get upset about? My mom is a champion of this list lmao, there’s so much stupid shit she’s thrown a fit over. The most ridiculous one happened last year when my sister sprained her ankle and my mom would not help her walk around and even walked faster than the rest of us. It was like she was purposely leaving us behind, which confused and pissed me off. Anyway I was left assisting Nina as she hobbled on. Eventually I caught up to my mom and asked her to slow down and to be with us and to help my sister walk. Apparently it was enough to piss her off and the whole ride home she was yelling at me and legitimately sobbing about how humiliated she was when I called her out because she thinks people overheard and are judging her for it. I mean if you’re afraid of getting judged isn’t that proof you know you did something shitty?

The sermon also turned personal and she started screaming about how I was a horrible daughter and that I’ve never done anything right, and that I was a disappointment, and that I was straying further from God everyday and she could see the horns growing on my head. How’s that for abusive? What was the best thing that happened to you today? I finally finished the level I’ve been stuck on in Mario Kart 8 and now I’m officially done with the game. I’ve never finished any video game before so it feels pretty bitching!!!!!!!!! Do you consider yourself a good cook? I don’t even consider myself a cook. What's the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? ^ The thing I just talked about, even though it wasn’t technically an argument because my mom didn’t let me talk throughout.

The next dumbest thing I could think of is probably when my grown-ass aunt fought me back when I was 13 on whether Beyoncé lip-syncs or not. It was a random family discussion and I was just talking about how much I like Beyoncé and she not only stole my thunder by picking a fight with me, but she also made me feel bad about something I loved lol. She was so insistent that she lip-syncs and was so hungry for an argument, I didn’t understand why?????? so I just dropped it and rolled my eyes at my dad. IT’S SO DUMB RIGHT What did you google last? Information I needed for an article I’m currently writing. What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh everytime you see it? Skirts paired with either denim jeans or leggings, and short vests. All the Disney stars wore them and it was the epitome of fashion for us at the time aaaahhhhhhahahahahaha. What's your favorite holiday movie? LOVE ACTUALLY. For sure. I’d also say It’s A Wonderful Life but it has some very low points that ruins the Christmas-yness for me. How ambitious are you? I’m pretty ambitious and also a bit of a perfectionist, but I’m also aware of my limits and I don’t always jump onto tasks feeling confident. I know what I’m capable of so if I’m faced with something I know other people can be better at, I’ll consciously be less ambitious at it cos I usually let my insecurity get in the way. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? As someone who’s always thrived on being an introvert, the last few months and years have taught me that I CAN talk to people if I have to? And they’re not scary? I had little hope for myself prior to my internship - but it ended up being fun and I met a lot of awesome new people. I also never thought I’d get to write articles solely because I hate interviewing people - but my sources have all been nothing but nice to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve always doubted my ability to talk to people and dive in to unfamiliar scenarios, but when I do either it’s always turned out to be great experiences for me.

What topic could you spend forever talking about? If we’re going for what’s been the most recent hot topic, it would be the government’s incompetence in dealing with COVID-19 so far. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? Over. What word is a lot of fun to say? I dunno. I don’t think of words in terms of how fun they are to say. Maybe curse words? HAHAHA If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? Assuming the internet is nothing to worry about, I’d watch all the series I’ve long planned on watching but can’t because Netflix does a big pull on the entire household’s connection. Are you usually early or late? Early or on time. There is no ‘late’ for me. What do you wish you knew more about? The future. Not knowing the answers to it is so irritating/boring to me. What is the most annoying question you've been asked? Asking if I go to rallies/am an activist/am part of the NPA just because of the school I come from. None of those things are bad at all, but I’ve always been annoyed at the stereotyping. How different was your life 1 year ago? I wasn’t graduating yet then. And I was OUTSIDE MOST DAYS because there wasn’t any fucking virus. What movie title best describes your life? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, except I literally have to be stuck at home. What was the last lie you told? Telling my groupmates I had some family stuff at home to fix before getting started on our group project, but really I had to take a bath first because I wanted to feel fresh while working. It’s a minor lie, but it still made me feel bad. What type of music do you listen to? It’s usually varied but my go-to genres are indie pop, electropop, alternative rock, punk rock, *some* indie, R&B, and pop.

Are you a good listener? Yeah, it’s why I prefer to be one than a talker. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies and cream or some peanut butter/chocolate concoction. Do you think you're brave? I can be. Just not about everything. What are you most grateful for in your life? The relatively comfortable life we live considering where we live. And that covers everything from the food we eat, the schools we’ve been sent to, where we get to travel (or the fact that we can travel at all), etc.

What was the worst phase in your life? My rebellious, no-one-understands-me, angsty teen phase when I was 12-13 and my time readjusting in college when I was 18-19. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Verbal abuse. What are some things that give you complete peace of mind? Staying in coffee shops, driving at midnight, views of the skyline at night, staying on the rooftop at night and being under the stars... I just like a lot of things about the night. Would you like to explore another planet? Yesssssss. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? Spongebob. Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents comes at a close second. What would you do if you were the president of your own country? Right now? I’d assure people everything was being taken care of – mass testing, support for doctors, provision of PPEs and free transportation for frontliners, making all the senators (who are all expectedly not doing anything, save for one) work their asses off, put part of the P275B fund to assist middle- and lower-class people who can’t  – instead of imposing shoot-to-kill orders for the military to anyone criticizing the government or rambling about absolutely fucking nothing in nation addresses.

[aquarianlights]

Happy Personal Update Time!!

I know I promised to do this forever ago, but things got busy. So here I am!

Most of you know this is my personal blog, but it has become a lot less personal since pursing medical education. I’m still here, though, and I still love coming here to read all the asks I get and interact with all my followers and all that good stuff. What I really miss is being able to post text posts. They have always been my way of venting and letting go of inward pain, anger, frustration, etc... Text posts/ranting have always been super cathartic for me. But my life is great now and I’m happy to just jump back in to give a long overdue update every once in a while because I miss doing it and I know I still have longtime followers somewhere in that list of people. Haha. Exciting stuff is happening, though!! And I’m very excited to share it, as well.

SO.............this is gonna be long because THERE’S GREAT STUFF HAPPENING!! :D AND I WANT TO SHARE IT ALL!! I hope someone will read this coz man oh man have I come a long fucking way from the whiny little drug addicted suicidal little boy I used to be. Haha. :)

This fall semester is going to be just lovely. I’m going to have the opportunity to work with one of the clubs I’m joining to teach high schoolers how to properly do dissections. I’ll be taught how to properly clean equipment like microscopes and auger plates and such. And I’ll be working alongside a couple of my professors and other club members to mentor high schoolers in some cool biology stuff. :)

The other night, I finally got official international membership with Phi Theta Kappa and also got international membership with the Omega Nu Chapter. I’ll be receiving all that good proof stuff soon like certificates and such, but the reason I’m primarily excited about that is because that opens me up to a TON of scholarship opportunities. Both of those societies give out a fuckton of money every year for academic achievement and with me transferring schools, I’m hoping to be lucky enough to snag some of that.

One of my professors recommended me for a student council officer position and I found out recently that he spoke with another professor in the same department that had me as a student and she got on board with that, but I’m not entirely sure I want to go that route because while I was writing up my essay to submit to the current SGA explaining why they should choose me for one of the officer positions, I really didn’t feel all that passionate at all about it, so I’d much rather someone with a passion for the position have it, but it made me feel good that my professors have that kind of faith in me. I’m still debating on it, though.

Another professor of mine submitted my name for an internship position with a student partnership that eventually leads you to an invite-only online community where you can be set up with more internship opportunities and helps to make connections in your field and all sorts of stuff. The internship has a $200 stipend for the first semester that you do it and a $250 stipend for every following semester that you do it. 

I was going to try it out with her this summer semester, but I had *NO* idea there was so much involved. By the time I had completed my 10 hours of training, I was in shock by the amount of work I was going to need to do to prepare for the role so I’ll actually be taking it on for the first time during Fall semester instead of summer, which is annoying because part of this internship requires you to make a short presentation in every one of the classes that the professor has that term for the students their class (and any other professor in the department who uses the software who may need you), record said lecture and put it up on canvas with the professor for anyone who missed the 1st day of class and for any online classes, be open for any questions after the presentation from both the students and the professor, hold at least 2 hours worth of office hours during the first week, and a *TON* of other stuff that happens prior to the semester before this and after this throughout the semester that would take forever to list. This is annoying that I am having to start in the fall because summer semester has less than HALF the students that fall has. There’s barely anyone there in the summer at all and summer classes are usually very laid back. The teachers are so chill in the summer and usually don’t care much, whereas the Fall semester is serious business and there are TONS of incoming freshman all confused about where they are going and everyone is lost and in a hurry and nervous and it is just total chaos literally everywhere on any campus you go to. So we really wanted to test this out during summer, but there’s just no way. The amount of representatives I have to meet and sit down with and hash out certain details with prior to even making this presentation is going to take me at least a couple weeks and summer semester starts next week. Lol. I only had like 3 weeks from the time my professor submitted my name. Was not nearly enough time.

It’s a very overwhelming internship and the work is... daunting. I mean, it is going to be a *LOT* of work and it is something I have never done before and it will be a style of leadership that I have never had placed on my shoulders before, but everyone has to take that first step at some point in their life. I hope I can do it. I’m going to try... I won’t say I’m not nervous about standing in front of a lecture hall full of students... but I’m probably not as nervous as some would be. I used to hold rally’s in my town square when I was younger to inform the public on the dangers of puppy mills, so I’m quite comfortable with public speaking, but I will say that it has been a good minute since I have done it and I have never stood up in front of a lecture room full of college students who are the same as I am and tried to pretend to know exactly what I’m doing. That’s a little scary to me. Ngl. Lol.

I’m going to be taking American Sign Language as a fluff class to boost my GPA, so I’m really excited about that because I’ve been wanting to learn it really badly. Just wanted to throw that in there haha. :)

That’s about it for the really BIG things for Fall Semester right now, not including like... the normal hard classes, graduating and switching uni’s soon and stuff. Which I’m super excited about!!

BUT!!...This summer is gonna be lit as well!

I got a volunteer position that I’m going to be in orientation for sometime soon (I think next week is what she said) where I’m going to a local shelter and all I’m doing all day is walking dogs, socializing dogs (basically playing with them and getting them comfortable around humans and other dogs so they’re more adoptable), bathing dogs, and basic training (sit, stay, etc...). It is basically my DREAM volunteer position!!

I just remembered reading an article at one point that said “most people don’t know that shelters really need people to just walk the dogs because regular volunteers usually don’t have the time”. And I remembered volunteering at the Humane Society when I was more able bodied than I am now and that was not something I could do now. It was much too physically taxing. Cleaning kennels, washing over 100 dog bowls in a massive sink that I had to stand on a stool to reach, washing tons of worn out dog blankets and toys, carrying heavy loads of laundry, carrying heavy water dishes out to the play yard, filling up buckets and carrying them, scrubbing the floors with a scrubber thing, etc etc etc... like, I could barely do it as able bodied as I was then. There was no slowing down because you had to rotate the dogs out and you only had a certain amount of time to clean the few bowls and toys/beds/towels we had and only a certain amount of time to power wash/spray down the kennels they were in. It was very very fast paced work and one large break in the middle of the day and I had to leave early and I know I could not do that now. Not in a million years. 

Dog walking is something I can do with any size dog. Dog washing is still something I can do and something I have done professionally many times in the grooming industry. Dog socializing is wonderfully cathartic for me AND them. And I’m quite good with basic training, despite what it may seem with Echo...lmao (he just hasn’t been around consistency, which is a huge problem).

So I’m very very excited to get through my orientation and get started on this volunteer position! They were so kind and said that my physical disabilities would be no problem and they could work with me on my pace. I’m really looking forward to this and I’m hoping I can maybe fit it into my schedule when school starts up, even if I have to cut it down to just a couple hours, one day a week.

AND THEN........

In my PERSONAL life...

I’ve made a really cool circle of friends who isn’t intertwined with one of the most toxic people in my life that I really love and will most likely keep in my life forever because I truly believe they can unlearn the toxic behaviour and they’re one of my platonic soul mates. So I now have this really awesome circle of friends that I’m experiencing and learning all these new things about myself and about New Orleans and I keep getting closer with them.

((I may or may not post a rant I wrote up about that, coz it’s painful to talk about. And this is a happy post so it doesn’t go here!!))

I’m learning how to cook through one of those friends. I don’t have enough money to throw at a Hello Fresh subscription, but one of my next door neighbours in my apartment complex has turned into my really good friend and she has a Hello Fresh bi-weekly subscription and it usually is a 2-serving dish and we both live alone and we are both learning to cook for the first time, so we are doing it together. :D She invites me over to her apartment whenever she’s cooking and we’ll just muddle through learning how to cook together. It’s going to be a lot of fun honestly because I have SOOOOO much to learn!! :) Recently got a NutriBullet so I can make protein shakes, but I need to look at recipe’s coz mixing protein powder with just milk or water is awful. Ugh.

I’ve made up my own 30 day challenge for exercising and basically just becoming more healthy and getting my heart and muscles in better shape. June has 30 days so I figured what better way to do a 30 day challenge than on a month that has 30 days lol. Easy to keep track of, right? I made myself a chart and put it on my fridge and everything. Going to keep a log. I’m very excited to see the difference between day 1 and day 30. Going to take pictures for comparison. Idk if 30 days will make that big of a difference, honestly but... we’ll see??? Lol.

I guess this should go up in the school section, but I’m also working on quite a few scholarship entries so we’ll see how that goes!! I had NO idea so many easy essay scholarships were out there!! Keeping it to 1k words is the hard part. :( Eeeeeeeeeeep!!

Been studying for the MCAT’s and tryna find a medical math tutor. It’s gonna be hard, but... we’ll see. Hopefully the MCAT prep classes will help.

I’m in love with deep cleaning and organizing and my neighbour is gonna pay me to clean her apartment and then I’m going over to her mother’s house that she’s renting out (her mother passed away recently and she couldn’t handle staying in the house anymore) to help her Marie Kondo the place. We’re just gonna kind of... go at her own pace, slowly thank everything for doing its job, and get rid of everything that we can and deep clean everything while we are doing it. Probably just take it a day or a week at a time. I’ll be there with her to support her through the process...like if she needs to cry on someone when she sees a certain item or something. I’m excited to help with her journey to recovery and I’m so honoured to be given the chance to be someone’s rock. I love the bond me and my neighbour are developing. I just feel so honoured.

I’m going up to my parents house, then up to Virginia, then hopefully MA towards the end of the summer. Looking forward to the trip quite a bit. :)

HONESTLY... 

I’m just so freakin’ excited. My life is going so wonderfully. Everything is so great. My apartment is wonderful, my relationship with my mom is on the mend because of how well in school I’m doing (you all know that’s all she cares about lol), I have wonderful friends and a great support group, my therapist and I click really well, I’m making opportunities happen and having opportunities open up to me in return, I’m meeting new people and seeing new things, I’m feeling physically healthier than ever (even though my chronic pain is worse than ever), I almost always wake up in a good mood, I’ve been getting a good amount of sleep almost every single night, school is good, connections in the professional world are growing... 

The ONLY thing holding me back right now is money. I’m pretty much living paycheck to paycheck and it is killing me. The amount of things I *WANT* to do but don’t have the money for is just killing me. I’ve been wanting to take dance lessons, but I don’t have the money. Been wanting to sign up to a yoga studio and FINALLY found one IN MY AREA(!!) that had instructors trained in dealing with people with ehlers danlos syndrome (which is crazy coz lots of yoga instructors turn me away when they hear I have ehlers danlos type 3), but I can’t afford it. 

I can barely pay my rent. :| I’m lucky I have EBT, otherwise I literally would not have had any food over the past 2 months. I would have had to choose between having a roof over my head or having food, so thank FUCK I have EBT coz I have a full cabinet and fridge right now. Fucking bless. Lololol.

I’m just so content. There’s a lot of stuff going wrong here and there and a lot of stuff stressing me out, but OVERALL... I couldn’t be happier.

Things have really taken a turn in my life and I have been waiting for them to all come crashing down for 2 years now and they still haven’t and that’s amazing to me.

And there’s my update lol. Hope you enjoyed the Killian Chronicles.  😂 😂 😂 Love and missed you all!  😘

((PS: This has not been proofread and most likely never will be. Free-flow-thought writing is my specialty lol.))

[ddonggeun]

Hey! So I’m suspecting if I got adhd/add but is there any symptom idk. It’s really exp here to get it diagnosed

sorry it took me a while to get back to you because honestly i dont know whats a good alternative for you can be so i guess i can share my own experience? 

first of all i think googling symptoms and types of adhd and reading peoples account on how adhd/add manifest is a good start? my doctor and the reddit /r/adhd REALLY help me to accept myself (which is the first step i think) but the way i get diagnosis (i am adhd with predominately inattentiveness - but at the same time i have depressions and dyslexia which is like a killer combo 10/10 would never rec) is that i came across with an article a couple months about how girls with adhd are more likely to be (mis)diagnosed with depression and it basically fucks up multiple generations because they cant get the help they need and i was like wait whats describe in it sounds kind of like me but at the same time i have always been very lethargic and rather well behaved in class growing up i am nothing like what you would typically associate with adhd (you know the hyper-activeness) so during my next visit to the doctor (im getting treatment for my depression) i mention to the article to her and she said wait you know what describe how you feel in a classroom setting growing up and is there anything you do that teachers complain about repeatedly and tell me how studying and doing homework is like to you and so i did (i can go further into details of my life since a lot contributes to why i only get diagnosis when im 21… let me know if you would like to know i guess?)

my doctor (who just so happens to be an adhd specialist and is quite active in the research area i didnt know before then we stan forever i love her really she is so encouraging and so good at her job) took some notes as i was talking and after im done she said you know what i think you might be onto something but i cant be sure yet (since i have depression and dyslexia which both overlaps quite a lot with adhd/add) why dont i first explain to you what adhd is and i’ll give you the set of official diagnosis questions you dont have to do it just take a look at it first do some research organize your thought talk to your parents about it and if you think getting a test on it is something you want we can set up another appointment and we can go from there - which is really really nice because adhd has always been a taboo at least with my upbringing it makes you a loser socially academically and you know just in general its not something you will want to have…. 

in hind sight there are SO MANY SIGNS even in early childhood how come no one notice i dont know prolly because i grew up in the 00s if you are different you need to kys lmao rip: 

trouble paying attention in school or work,

the appearance of not listening - although im an audio learner funny enough

avoidance of activities that require sustained focus,

being easily distracted 

restlessness

fidgeting and cant sit properly - i shake my legs or click my pen so much especially when im thinking or anxious lmao, i got into trouble a lot when i was younger because i only sit in my seat facnig the teacher 5 mins max at at ime then i move around or i move the chair around i think better when i cross my legs but i went to a uniform school and i always make my skirt too short so you know

interrupting - if i dont say what comes to mind when it comes to mind, the thought is gone forever

frequent talking and talking way too fast - i get the exact same comment every single report day class from when i was 4 till i graduated high school im not even kidding “she has excellent comprehension skill and reading speed. it would be great if parents can help her out a bit in maths or chemistry.  she has a lot of potential if she applies herself, she seems distracted although when we ask her questions she can answer. very helpful and bubbly and yet she talks too much in class. she is not disruptive and her seatmate never complains but she just doesnt stop talking. we have been pairing her up with quiet students in class in the hopes that she will talk less in class but she just turn the quiet student talkative”

trying to do multiple things at once - i cant do one thing at a time, even when im say writing a paper i need to be listening to music or talking to someone if not switching between tabs or word files

mood swings

hyperfocus - oh boy oh boy oh boy

impulsiveness - i dont know if i get better as i age or is it getting worse i just know how to clean up my mess lmaooooo

poor time management - although i would say ever since i start listening to stuff 24/7 it really helps build a sense of the passage of time or whatever? its like now i know ok by the time i get to the third song in the shower i need to be washing out my conditioner; or say i need to go somewhere in 40 mins which is really abstract to me i set timers and put on a show thats 35ish mins even tho im not watching it just so im aware of time is actually happening if it makes sense

fail to follow through - i start things and once i have it figure out in my head i struggle to put it down in words or explain it to others i work well with other adhd peps tho

doesnt follow instruction and only do stuff their way

burnout - this is the worst especially if you are a perfectionist or a control freak and guess who is both 

trouble coping with stress - 

i luck out because im canadian and my doctor (in my schools clinic) just so happens to be a specialist who is very passionate about helping undergrads and grad school students to achieve as much as they can - so doctor and diagnosis for me is free. i do have to pay for my medications out of my pocket for a bit since im on vyvanse (to treat both my adhd and depression-lead anxiety its complicated but it makes sense when my doctor explained it to me lol) and this drug isnt covered by Pharmacare (CAD $130ish for 3 weeks worth of 30mg, im mostly on 30mg but on days when i dont have work on stuff or go to school i take 20mg just so my anxiety dont cause me to explode lmao) and very expensive but recently my doctor and i have agreed that vyvanse really work for me and it is something that i should be on daily for the foreseeable future we applied for special authorization which means i only gotta pay the tax… of course medicating isnt a must but it is what works for me and we figure out a way to make it affordable so i cant be more happy about that

at the same time i work with my psychiatrist to you know configure the whole adhd thing cause you know 21 years of repressing and forcing your feet into a shoes that not even your size frick you up thats something people dont tell you 🤷🏻‍♀️

what my doctor said to me then stuck with me - she told me adhd or add really is no monster or flaw in fact it is a very valuable set of traits we inherit from our ancestor - we hate it now because modern society render these skills useless well you see adhd isnt all about the hyperactiveness you see in the media people with adhd are extra sensitive to their surrounding and prefer hands on experiences (today we call them distracted) they are always aware of the change around them and is capable to attend to a couple things at a time and act fast because their brains are always making sense of things even when they arent consciously doing it. in todays society we dont want these kind of people why? because they ask questions they are curious people who notice trivial stuff that dont contribute to productivity they cant sit still which makes them not the ideal factor workers or pupils BUT! you have to remember that industrialization started like a century ish ago before that our ancestors live in predominately tribal society - adhd people then are the perfect caretakers and protectors, why? because they are always noticing things they adapt and react fast… so yeah it kinda suck for us growing up in a system thats designed to be everything we are and it is something that need to be changed but for those of us who “made it out alive” especially people who only get diagnosed in adulthood more often than not they look back and realize they have developed so many incredible ways to cope to make things work - are they always the perfect way? are they always health? no definitely no but at the same time it shows you how incredible these people are they make things work yes things are really hard sometimes but you got to give yourself a pet in the shoulder for not giving up… with the help of science and research we now know a little more about how adhd affect people we now have medication and programs developed to help people with adhd - they arent to dumb you down or numb you but instead it helps you to focus better so you can actually hear your entire thought and not just phrases or sentence fragments

[whatsahookinanessay723]

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[nct-markeureee-blog]

g e t  to  k n o w  me tag

 asjkh tagged by @donghyuckstudies + @taebreez <3<3<3<3 ahh ily guys :3

Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning, when you are finished you have to tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!!

1) Are you named after someone? nopee

2) When is the last time you cried? i cried so much when nct had their first win --  but the last time i cried was an hour ago bc i studied so hard for a test and i did it today and it was hard and i feel like i failed and i probably did fail and the idea of failing just kills me so so much omg i cant ok bye

3) Do you like your handwriting? yeap my writing is pretty good to be honest! but sometimes when i take notes i just look at the board and write/copy at the same time and then i look at my writing after im done and its just .... ... hahahahahahaha

4) What is your favourite lunch to eat? S U S H I i love sushi so so much like adlkj i can eat this sole creation for the rest of my life

i also like tempura shrimp/veggieeess

5) Do you have kids? sorry i aint no Teen Mom ,., but i dont plan to be a mom ever so ye

6) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? ahh i think i would tbh i feel like im a really nice and caring and selfless and social person in my opinion and i think im just a good friend material ! at least i hope so ? lol

7) Do you use sarcasm? no omg i never use sarcasm and tbhhhh sometimes i get sad when people use mean sarcasm even tho the point of sarcasm is not to get mad/sad welppp

8) Do you still have your tonsils? ya lol are tonsils that bad to be a question idk

9) Would you bungee jump? ohmg yeeee i think i would be down and then 5 mins before i jump ill be like what kind of shit did i just get myself into 

10) What is your favourite kind of cereal? ahh i dont really eat cereal/oatmeal but i like cinnamon toast crunch or those cereals with clusters i despise fruit loops hmm what

11) Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? my shoelaces are always untied lmao whoops

12) Do you think you’re a strong person? holy shit not even a million ‘no’s would be able to emphasize how un-strong of a person i am especially when it comes to grades

13) What is your favourite ice cream flavour? im not into ice cream(except for matcha ice cream) but i like fruit sorbets! 

14) What is the first thing you notice about people? facial features? and then probably their height

15) Red or pink? i dont like both ,, BUT MARK LIKES PINK SO PINK

16) What is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? my body/weight in general 

17) What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? black ~shorts~(even tho its winter) and no shoes

18) What was the last thing you ate? the last legit thing was asian stir fry veggies but i just tried an “orange cream yogurt raisin” rn that tasted weird

19) What are you listening to right now? nothing but the last thing i did was Good Thing -  N  C  T. T T T T 

(whenever i feel sad though (like rn) i would listen to Tomorrow-BTS)

20) If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? yellow because like its all nice and bright and pretty and everyone uses yellow but then the second the yellow crayon touches/mixes with a darker colour the crayon gets ruined and no one wants to use the yellow crayon anymore ://

21) Favourite smell? juicy couture smells really goood and mens cologne asdjkf

22) Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my friend she asked me to send her some notes for the TEST WHICH i failed

23) Favourite sport to watch? ahhhhhhhh i love soccer(fifa) and volleyball matches and then i loooveeee watching all the olympics sports collectively yeet

24) Hair colour? my natural hair colour is like a standard chestnut brown but i dyed it a golden brown-blonde but its been 6 months since i last redyed it and half my hair is brown again and idk whether ill switch to my natural hair colour or redye it

25) Eye colour?  chestnut

26) Do you wear contacts? i wear glasses(near-sighted) but my eyesight is good enough to see properly w/out glasses so contacts are unnecessary technically

27) Favourite food to eat? S U S H I. Sushi!

28) Scary movies or comedy? comedy hands down i love the feeling of laughing so hard that you’re just uncontrollably wheezing and hyperventilating asjkfs 

29) Last movie you watched? idek i dont watch movies but i watch NCT videos and kdramas

30) What colour of shirt are you wearing? im not wearing a shirt wearing a zip up fleece turtleneck sweater thats like an amalgamate of white, beige, dark green, brown, dark teal colours its rlly pretty and comfy 

31) Summer or winter? im a canadian so winter but last week i literally fell six times in a row from the snow/ice and i couldnt move and i got sick so winter rn ihy pls end rn

32) Hugs or kisses? im a 15 year old hormonal teenage girl so this question makes me hormonal i feel like i dont really see a difference i think that if the action is sincere and genuine i would enjoy/prefer both equally

33) What book are you currently reading? other than webtoons i never really read any books other than school textbooks(current one im reading is “Object Oriented Programming: an intro to java” or sm like that)

34) Who do you miss right now? i dont really miss anyone i think ppl enter and leave my life for a reason i just miss this person that i loved so much named Good GrADES ;-; yes i am still salty i will forever be salty

35) What is on your mouse pad? im on a laptop so uh ,,

36) What is the last TV program you watched? do kdramas count? The Shining Eun Soo(my first and fav >25 ep kdrama) 

NCT LIFE PLS I AM WAITING EVERYDAY

37) What is the best sound? MARK LEES LAUGH SMILE EXISTENCE i like the sound of good grades

38) Rolling Stone or the Beatles? i feel like this preference is worthless because i know neither and i only listen to kpop but i guess the beatles?

39) What is the furthest you have ever travelled? Egypt 

40) Do you have a special talent? after months of careful bs i have developed the skill of crafting excellent academic essays that require some sort of reading(novel, article, idk)  ...,,, without actually ,,reading

41) Where were you born? toronto, canada

42) People you expect to participate in this? “expect” UhM i tag everyone!

@nctgiri @taeiloves @why-jaehyun @jaehyyunn @jenowhat @1aeil MY GOOD CHINGUS sorry if you’ve already been tagged lmao 

[happy2bmyownboss]

How’s the weather where you are? It’s been a bit nippy this weekend and I actually plugged up one of the heaters yesterday morning because it was so chilly in the house. It’s looking like I’m gonna need to dig the heavy blankets out of the shed soon. Luckily today has been quite a bit warmer and seems like it’s gonna be a nice day… which is a blessing as I really don’t like hanging clothes out when it’s cold! We’ve had a pretty busy and interesting weekend! So busy that I’m feeling a little like this right now:

New House Update

We’ve also been dealing with yet ANOTHER SNAG as far as our NEW HOUSE goes… we’ve already closed but now the bank (and the county) are asking for a NEW SURVEY! We did ask about this beforehand and we were assured that it wasn’t needed. Now we get the ‘this has never been required before‘ and ‘we’ve never had this happen before‘ from the dealer… sigh. Honestly, I’m really quite sick of the whole mess and I’m gonna give real-life updates about the situation from here on out and not hide the messy part of it because I know if we are dealing with all of this there will be others as well. Maybe reading about our ordeal will help prevent someone else from having the same issue.

We are kind of in a waiting game at the moment as they’ve sent us the invoice and they seem to expect that we are going to come out with even more money now… not happening.  We’ve had to handle so many other issues and we’ve had to wait for so long because of things they didn’t handle correctly that we don’t have the time, patience, or funds to handle anymore at this point.

I’m sure I’ll be writing some more posts about this not so fun process but right now I can tell you that is has been anything but fun. The whole process has quite honestly overshadowed the joy and excitement of getting a new house and has me wanting to cry every time I get a text or email from the dealer.

LONG POST ALERT!

Square Dance Costume Party

Last week was Halloween, as I’m sure many of you with kids or grandkids know, but we didn’t go trick or treating… more on that in a bit. We did have a costume dance at one of our local clubs and the kids went as…

Can you guess?

Square dancers… lol… I’m just kidding… the boys went as cowboys and called themselves ‘The Three Musketeers’ and the girls put on a couple of their dresses and witch hats. One of the dancers brought some other masks and such that the kids played around with too. Here’s a couple of pics from that dance:

            Here’s a couple of pics of the decor that they had:

    That was on Monday… later in the week we had a meeting to go to so we stopped by one of the dancer’s place before the meeting to check out their Halloween decor which the kids loved:

    Horrible Internet

All week long I have been fighting with the internet trying to get our latest Academic Adventure completed and finally on Thursday I had it pretty much through the planning stage… now to get it all put together into our weekly studies. I think on Friday I did manage to get two weeks’ worth of lessons published but it was torture with this internet going in and out… hopefully, this week will be better. You can click HERE and HERE to see what we’ve published so far. I think this unit is going to be SUPER EXCITING!

Our internet has been so bad lately… I’m gonna post my ‘laundry breaks’ along with this post so maybe you can get an idea of just how bad it is. Normally I can whip out a post in 10-20 minutes… maybe 30 if I need to look up a bunch of links or photos. My ‘laundry breaks’ will happen about every 40 minutes… it takes me about 5-10 minutes to unload/reload the washer and hang out a load of wash. We will have a new washer/dryer set for the new house… whenever that may happen to arrive.

<Laundry Break>

I did manage to get a little bit of Christmas shopping done as a few places were offering some ‘pre-holiday’ specials this week.

Friday Dance and a 911 Call

Then Friday night we had another dance at a new location, Monday’s dance was actually at a new location as well, and we had some new dancers come to visit us. Everyone had a blast and we were actually a couple of ladies short so two of our ‘experienced’ guys helped out the new dancers and attempted to dance the ‘ladies’ part… they were HILARIOUS! I’m telling you that you need to find a square dance near you and check it out because we have TOO MUCH FUN!

It’s always late when we head home and it takes us about an hour to get back home from any dance that we do on a regular basis so we know to be a little more careful than normal… especially on the weekends.  This past week we had Mr. Awesome’s two kiddos with us so we had even more precious cargo onboard than normal. About halfway home we got behind a vehicle that was driving VERY ERRATICALLY.

After following them for a few minutes it did seem that the driver may have been impaired or possibly be having some kind of medical emergency so we decided to call it in. We ended up behind the vehicle until they made their way home and I stayed on the phone with the operator the whole time praying that no one would get hurt before the police got to him… which they didn’t. The closer we got to where this individual lived, the more erratic and scary his driving became… at one point he even cut off his headlights and continued down the road.

Many of the roads we travel are rural country roads and police response time can be a bit slow so were just thankful that the individual did make it home without causing injury to anyone or anything, including himself. This was a very frightening thing for some of the kids as they could hear me on the phone and they weren’t exactly sure of what was going on. We now know to be even more wary of this particular route home.

If you have ever wondered if you should make the call to report a suspected drunk driver then you can read this article for more information. Personally, I would rather make the call than to find out that someone was seriously injured or died because I didn’t. 

Norwex Booth at Middleburg’s Historic Fall Festival

Saturday was a long day for me as I had a Norwex event to do at a local historic fair. It was a ton of fun and I love learning more and more about these wonderful products.

Let me tell you that the silicon lids have definitely made my ‘must-have‘ list… right under the mop system (which is on sale RIGHT now) and the bath towels (the striped ones are my favorites)! These lids are AMAZING… Ms. Cyndee was showing someone how you can put the lid on a glass bowl of water and once the lids seals you can actually lift the whole bowl by the lid handle without breaking the seal! I wish I had gotten a video to share but I was just AMAZED and later during the day I was more than happy to demonstrate these amazing lids! They come in a variety of sizes to work with just about any dish that might need to be covered. You can see more about these oven/microwave/dishwasher safe lids below:

This company is more than AMAZING with EVERYTHING they do. Not only do they offer different specials for the customers and consultants each month they do a lot of work for charities around us:

If you haven’t checked out my Norwex site then maybe you should do that now… and be sure to sign up for my newsletter as well. If you are on Facebook you can also join Susie’s Chem Free Zone VIP Group for specials, sales, and giveaways that I can’t post publicly.

    <Laundry Break>

We also had the pleasure of meeting some really interesting people while at the event. We met several who were already using Norwex and loved it. We also met some other ‘consultants’ who had actually only signed up for the discount… you can find out more info HERE. We also met Mr. Frank and his wife Ms. Dora who were the sweetest people ever! If you happen to be in my area and see a Norwex booth be sure to stop by because I’d love to meet you in person!

Ok, enough about Norwex for the moment… during the event Mr. Awesome had messaged me about some plans for the evening. I had wanted him to bring the kids up to the festival but he had promised to help someone with something that day so he decided we would do something together that evening. We had planned to possibly go to a ‘trick-or-treat event’ close by but then we found out that it was going to have a haunted house and some other really scary things that just wouldn’t work well with some of the kids. So Mr. Awesome and the brood decided they would rather go to putt-putt instead.

A Boy’s Night Out

When I finally got home that evening the kids were ready to go, all but the girls, and they loaded up. I then learned that the girls, who have been quite sassy here lately, had later protested against putt-putt because they wanted to go somewhere else. They basically insisted that they weren’t going if they couldn’t have their way… so they stayed home with Nanny and Papa! Their plan backfired on them and I think they may have learned some important lessons.

The boys had a blast at putt-putt, I was so tired that I just followed them around and kept score while snapping a couple of pics:

    It was a good thing that Mr. Awesome was driving as I could barely keep my eyes open on the way home. The kids all slept well that night which also happened to be the night we set our clocks back…

A New-To-Me Jacuzzi and Camera

Sunday morning I tried to insist on ‘sleeping in’ but Mr. Awesome kept trying to reassure me that this wasn’t the time we needed to ‘sleep in’ to adjust… lol, my body was saying differently. Last week I had been working with the dog (and the kids) to get everyone on the new schedule because time changes can be a nightmare around here!

He had an event that he was planning to go so he was up early and then he couldn’t find his keys. I told him I was pretty certain that I had hung them up but he still couldn’t find them so I got up to help… guess where I found them? They were hanging up… sigh.

In the process of helping to find the keys, I had to walk past Ms. Comet’s crate which resulted in her wanting to go out… yep, I had to walk her before I could get back to ‘sleeping in’. After getting settled back in bed my phone rang… it was Mr. Awesome who was calling to let me know that his plans had changed. He needed me to contact a guy on Facebook about a tub that we were planning to get.

Luckily the man was super nice and we were able to pick it up earlier on Sunday than we had planned. It also turns out that he is a plumber… and he has offered to help us out when we get our new house as we have some bathroom projects that we will be tackling… God really does work in mysterious ways, doesn’t he?

Isn’t it lovely? It is a perfect fit for me too! I gave it a test try while it was still in the back of Mr. Awesome’s pickup… he offered to pull me into the sun so I could ‘sunbathe’… he is too funny!

    Then while I was relaxing and imagining how nice a bubble bath would be I happened to see a large buzzard swoop in… within a minute I had a whole flock of them circling overhead! I guess they thought I really had died and gone to heaven… sorry guys, I’m not quite ready to be buzzard bait!

We unloaded the tub and put it away for safekeeping until our house gets here…

<Laundry Break>

After Mr. Awesome got home I made a quick errand run to Sam’s Club to pickup up a few essentials and grab something for my sister-in-law to be. The kids and I then met up with her and exchanged her items and I got a camera that my brother no longer needed… yippee! Y’all know I have been talking about getting a new camera… new-to-me is new enough!

This actually happens to be the same camera that was used at my daughter’s wedding so I know how well it works and I’m excited to play with it and start taking some awesome photos!

Super Easy Dinner

By the time I got home, I was so ready for a nap and EVERYONE was starving. I decided to make a quick sheet pan dinner with some Super Yummy Caulitaters. This meal was so simple…

Chicken Sheet Pan Dinner

Set the oven to 350.

Spray a large baking pan with nonstick spray.

Place your chicken legs/thighs on the pan.

Add some fresh/frozen veggies around the chicken. (We used some frozen broccoli from Southwestern Produce Company.)

Mr. Jacob sprinkled everything with some lemon pepper seasoning… we would’ve used our favorite garlic salt but I really need to do a Walmart Grocery Pickup soon.

Bake for 45 – 60 minutes, check with a meat thermometer for doneness.

I also made a simple cheese sauce to go with it as Mr. Awesome can’t have broccoli without the cheese. (I’ll be posting this recipe soon and I’ll try to remember to link it when I do.)

I should have doubled the recipe as EVERYONE DEVOURED it.

I went to bed early last night because I was just plain exhausted. The kids slept in late this morning as well as we’ve all had such a busy weekend. I actually started on this post before 7:00 and it’s 11:30 now… yeah, feels like I’ve accomplished absolutely NOTHING so far today but I have done a few things in between internet lags.

I have managed to get 3 loads of clothes washed and hung out to dry. The kids have gotten a pretty good start on our House Blessing and they have had a snack but they are ready for lunch now. I’ve also got dinner in the crockpot… one of the freezer meals I made last month. (I’m excited to try out some of the recipes HERE for this month’s freezer cooking!) I also attempted to put in another support ticket for our internet service… I guess we will have to wait and see if they actually come to fix it.

I’ve also dealt with a couple of minor squabbles, a meltdown, and a few phone calls. The dog also got a bath and the bathroom floor got an unscheduled mopping… 🙂 I also had to deal with a fallen monkey and lost thumbtack on my bed… long story.

Why we don’t ‘do’ Halloween

I get lots of frowns and questions from nay different people about the choices that we make. Many of them question my choice to limit sugar and this past week many of them have questioned our ‘Halloween Routine’… which does change from time to time.

I have never really been BIG on Halloween… we didn’t really do the whole trick-or-treating thing when I was growing up and although I did take my older kids a few times, it wasn’t something that we planned on doing EVERY year. We did go to our church’s annual Fall Festival and had a wonderful time. The kids could dress up in non-scary costumes and we always loved the event.

When I moved to Florida in 2010 my older kids were pretty much outgrowing the whole ‘trick-or-treating’ thing and we really didn’t even give it a thought. Then right before Halloween, we were blessed with our three unexpected blessings which changed our lives overnight! Our new church informed me that they also had a big ‘trunk’or-treat’ with lots of activities so we attended that.

Loud Noises and Scary Masks

Whew… what an experience that was. We had meltdown after meltdown as I was new ‘special-needs’ Momma and I didn’t know all of the triggers at that point. We left the event early and it took quite a few days to recover from it.

Since then I have learned that loud noises will almost always trigger a meltdown as Mr. William is deathly afraid of loud noises… especially helicopters and chainsaws. I later learned that his bio dad would often chase them around the yard with a chainsaw while wearing a scary mask… no wonders the poor kid is terrified!

Bad Behavior

We’ve all seen the ‘funny’ videos where people are jumping out and scaring people around Halloween. While I do admit some of them are funny, I also see a lot of bad behaviors being modeled.

When you have young children and/or children with limited comprehension skills they may not be able to differentiate what is done ‘for fun’ as something that shouldn’t be done normally. Why cause confusion?

Sugar-Laden Candy

We all know how addictive sugar can be and some of us know how much it can affect behavior. Not too mention all of the negative effects sugar can have on our health… yeah, I’d rather not deal with that if we don’t have too.

Cost

I have seen the cost of some of those costumes and it is scary how much is made from this one holiday. I could make our own costumes, and I have in the past, but that would take a bit of time which is something we really don’t have a lot of at the moment.

I’d rather spend our time doing things together instead of worrying about who is dressing up as what and who has the best costume… fewer arguments that way.

Various other reasons

We’ve all heard the stories about the tainted candies and dangerous items found in treats which is why parents have always warned kids not to eat the candy until they checked it first. This is one worry I don’t have because we don’t do Halloween.

There are really just so many reasons not to celebrate Halloween like some of the ones found HERE and HERE. I think it’s OK to be different and this is just one way that our family is different from others.

What we do instead of trick-or-treating

We are not against going to Fall Festivals and/or Trunk-or-Treat events that have fun activities for the kids when they are held at times that don’t conflict with other things we may have scheduled.

Often we will have a club or two that has a special costume dance around this time of year and the kids do dress up in something that we already have. Occasionally we will paint faces too.

Sometimes we will pick up a bag or two of candy to have as a special treat. This year everyone voted to make cupcakes and watch a movie at home and they enjoyed some strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese icing and orange sprinkles while watching a favorite movie.

We also try to do something fun, like putt-putt, so they don’t really feel like they’ve missed out on anything. Mr. Awesome and I do not necessarily share the same point of view on this but he does respect my stance and we work together to find ways to make everyone happy.

Conclusion

All in all we did have a lot of fun this past week and we are looking forward to what this week will hold for us. I know the FedEx man just delivered one of our Christmas packages and I have another at the post office to pick up but that will probably wait until tomorrow as I still have quite a bit to get done.

I think I’m gonna give up on the internet work for today as this post has taken longer than expected to get finished. I still need to pull out a couple of things to go with our dinner tonight. I also need to pull out an outfit for myself and one for Mr. Awesome so I can get them steamed and ready to go for tonight. I think the kids have already picked out their outfits so it’s just a matter of getting them into them later this afternoon.

I also need to finish cleaning up a bit around here. This is what the house looks like right now:

It was worse when I walked in Saturday afternoon and I wanted to cry but I didn’t. Pretty much everything from Friday on has just been dumped at the front door area so I need to find a home for everything and get it situated again. I am so ready to have a little bit more room when our new house gets here.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we deal with the whole house situation. I plan on adding a prayer page to my blog as well. I will put the names of everyone I have been praying for and some new ones that I gathered from this weekend on there. If anyone wants to be added or if you know someone that needs to be on there please let me know in the comments, just a first name and last initial is fine as GOD knows what we need.

If you get a chance check out the Prayer Requests Page and take a minute to say a quick prayer for all of those on the list.

God Bless!

**This post does contain affiliate links to products and/or services that we use. If you happen to click through a link and make a purchase we may earn a teensy-weensy small commission (at NO EXTRA cost to you) if a purchase is made through these links. These links help to support our family, our blog, and our homeschooling mission. This means that we can keep bringing you great recipes, ideas, and tips for FREE! Click HERE for a full disclaimer.

 –Thank you!

Life Update: A Jacuzzi, A Boy’s Night out, And Why We Don’t ‘Do’ Halloween How's the weather where you are? It's been a bit nippy this weekend and I actually plugged up one of the heaters yesterday morning because it was so chilly in the house.

[teenagedetectivearcade-blog]

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Have you ever been served breakfast in bed? Yeah but not sweetly like how it’s made out to be. My parents just bring the food up my room since most of the time we can’t be bothered to eat at the table. I’d die at the effort if Gab served me breakfast in bed, especially knowing she can’t cook. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I haven’t gone beyond scrambled eggs and instant noodles. Even when we were required to cook dishes in high school, I never volunteered to be super involved in the kitchen. Are you one to approach others, or let them approach you first? Preferably I would be approached, but if it’s a desperate situation, I wouldn’t mind talking to poeple first. When was the last time you took painkillers? Months ago. Have you ever picked flowers out of someone else's garden without asking? No. I’d hate it if people did that to our backyard.

Who did you give them to, or did you keep them for yourself? What is your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play outside and wait for the movie that Disney Channel was going to air for the evening. Are holidays as fun for you now as they were when you were younger? Definitely not. Everything feels lonelier as an adult. Do you find non-fiction to be boring? Quite the opposite. Fiction is boring for me, I would read anything non-fiction. Are you a punctual person? Or are you always late? Punctual. Lateness is my biggest pet peeve. Do you own a thesaurus? Do you actually use it? I have a thesaurus on my laptop, and use it mostly when I’m writing academic papers and run out of synonyms. What is the longest essay or research paper you have written? Probably within the 20-35 page range. The longest one coming for me is my thesis, definitely. I’ve read some of the alumni’s theses and all of them have over 160 pages. Terrifying. Do you ever write your own short stories? No. I can’t write fiction for the life of me. Have you ever won money by entering a contest/raffle? No. I remember winning some playing Bingo, though. Heh. Have you ever lost something very valuable? Yeah, I lost my first phone when I was 7, as well as my wallet and retainers. Have you ever lost something with a lot of sentimental value? Yes. I was fixing up my iCloud account one time since I had a new phone, when I accidentally deleted my entire camera roll from 2015-2017. I was shattered and cried about it for days. To me, photographs are memories just as powerful as the sense of smell. The fact that all those photos were gone in an instant meant I was going to slowly forget all the memories I made in those times, and i really didn’t want to face that reality. I lost photos from my senior year retreat, old conversations with Gabie, my trip to Sagada...so it sucked. Have you ever been close to drowning? Just one time when my cousin was pulling my leg from under water and was trying to drag me down. I didn’t get to inhale so I was powerless and panicked immediately. Have you ever had a panic attack? Yes, when I’m under pressure or lose something important. What stores do you go into when you go to mall? I never buy anything so I don’t make it a point to go through stores often. Gab and I will always stop by video game shops though, and those places that sell geeky stuff like telescopes and comic books and Pop figures. Do you ever stop to eat in the food court? If we’re on a tight budget, yes. Do you find it easy to relate to other people? Depends on what aspect. This is a broad question. Who is your favorite philosopher? I hate philosophy. What is your favorite song to sing? There are so many I could think of. Do you consciously try to be unique, or do you just be you? Consciously trying is automatic fakeness. I just do me and whatever people make it out to be is not my problem anymore. Do you worry about being judged by other people? Sometimes, but then it ultimately doesn’t matter since the only opinions that matter are my friends’. If someone doesn't like you, do you usually want to know the reason? Nope. When was the last time you told someone something really important? Yesterday? I was talking to my editor about the article I was assigned to write for our publication, and I guess that whole conversation was technically really important. Have you ever lost a large amount of money? No, the most I’ve lost was around 600 which isn’t really huge. That’s about $11. Have you ever tried to blame something you did on someone else? Hah yeah. I mostly did that as a child, though. Did that person get in trouble, or did the plan fail? No, my sister and I both always got in trouble together. What is the weirdest hairstyle you have ever had? Ear-length when I was 4. And it’s not really weird, but I hate it the most when my mom schedules to have my hair straightened. I’m turning 20 soon and I expect her to stop meddling with my own hair by this point. Describe the ugliest pair of shoes you own? I don’t have any ugly shoes but my white Keds are definitely a mess. They’ve been stepped on, gone through puddles, gathered dust, and been through everything that would make it go from white to gray. Are you ashamed to leave the house when not looking your best? No. If you are antisocial, WHY are you that way? I’m not, I just have bad anxiety and shyness. What is your favorite singer? Beyonce <3 If you could relive one day from last year, what day would it be? Why? Any day from high school. I miss it. What is something that you are afraid to fail at? Writing. What would happen if you did fail at it? I’d be devastated. Do you ever worry about your loved ones dying? It pops in my mind every now and then. What is the cutest thing a guy could do for a girl? Go away from her. Stuffed animals--immature, or should everyone have one? I don’t have a very strong opinion on stuffed animals. What do you like in your breakfast burritos? I’ve never had one of those :( Aaahhhh I’m so hungry. What restaurant would you choose to go to for breakfast? Rustic Mornings would be perfect. How much money do you think you cost your parents? Millions. Do you have good hand/eye coordination? I guess. I play table tennis, nothing can get more hand-eye than that LOL Can you do a flip on a trampoline? I probably could but I’m always just so scared of breaking my neck. I’m the klutziest person I know and the possibility of that happening to me is pretty high hahaha I don’t trust myself. Do you remember the last time you climbed a tree? I’ve never done that because any big tree in this country is probably filled with fire ants. Did you ever lie on your back and pick shapes out of clouds as a kid? No. I never did have a wild imagination. Do you watch any Japanese anime? I was never into it, no. Is there a foreign culture you are interested in learning more about? Indian, Japanese, and Korean. Do you know anyone who's reputation has recently been ruined? Nope. That’s a high school thing, everyone’s more decent in college lololol When did you first get a cellphone? I was 7. My first phone was a Nokia one with the green screen, it was awesome. Do you have your own laptop computer? Yes. Do you drive your own car, or your parents? Uh well it’s kind of my car, but my dad bought it so not mine haha. Say something inappropriate? No thank you. What were you doing before you started taking this survey? I took a bath. Describe the best summer you ever had? All my summers have been shit. Do you eat any meat other than turkey on Thanksgiving? Did you attend a pre-school? Yep, from when I was 4-6. Do you remember what it was like to learn to count to 100? No. I don’t even know how I learned to count at all.  What is something you lost in the process of growing up? This didn’t apply to me. I had a trash childhood and was forced to grow up way earlier than all the other kids. Do you wear any wristbands? If so, what's on them? I don’t find them comfortable so no. What was the last picture you were in? Gab was taking photos of me last Tuesday. Did you have required reading material in high-school? We had tons of textbooks. Do you keep your room organized? Sure. Do you vacuum daily? No. How many board games do you own? Errr like 3-4. None of which I use ever. Own any books? Is this a real question? Recently checked any books out from the library? No. I don’t borrow library books because I have a terrible track record in returning them. Does your cat give you kitty kisses? I have a dog. What’s in your make-up bag? I don’t use makeup.