#love and lust and romance and relationships all of it is bullshit

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[coff-in]

Hii it's Lacey, or as you know me ⭐ anon.

Since its still lovely pride month and I am craving some Andrew and Ashley, I'd like a Ashley and (Sex maniac) Andrew x Demon Female Reader. (Bonus points if she's a succubus)

Like Reader hates everyone except her wife and husband Ashley and Andrew, like she won't put up with anyone's bullshit but Ashley's and Andrew. How I'd describe her personality, is Aubrey and Sunny from Omori, just she speaks more. (LAST TIME I CHECKED YOU KNOW ABOUT OMORI, CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG)

Also since most of things Andrew and Ashley do that aren't federal crimes and having hardcore incest sex is for shock value. Like Ashley would randomly bite Reader, just because she can. (I am noticing a pattern with my requests because they are either being fucked till you can't think of it's fluff but either Andrew or Ashley bite.)

How they met was because Ashley decided with the left over blood of their parents, WHY NOT SUMMON ANOTHER DEMON WHAT CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG? And so they did, now they are stuck with a hot yet bitchy demon girl that could possibly kill them at any given moment, but the deadliness of Reader just makes her all the more hot.

Poor Andrew. That's all I have to say for him.

-⭐ anon

notes from coff-in: i love non-humans... love love love interspecies romance <3 it's so cool... also trying to squeeze this one out for pride month!

[fem] reader-insert, succubus reader, NSFW, incest

succubus [reader] was really hostile when she was first summoned. she was enjoying her time lazing about in the demon realm, even if it was a little boring, so being summoned to the demon realm by a tar soul was very inconvenient. however, the moment her presence entered the room, the fucking OVERWHELMING FEELING of sexual tension from andrew immediately caught her tension. now THIS was something worth her attention!

we haven't seem specialized demons in tcoaal but most things i've read of succubuses/incubuses is that they feed off of the lust of humans. mix that with RELUCTANT SEX MANIAC ANDREW GRAVES WITH THE UNCOMFORTABLY, UNREASONABLY BIG AND NEEDY ENDOWMENTS??? u get some funny things happening

ashley loves her demon wife who doesn't care of anyone else but her and her brother. she can drag them along to do any silly thing she wants to do without much resistance (not true, if it endangers them then there will be resistance from [reader] and andrew). that's not to mention the sex... it gets freaky crazy

ashley can't last as long as andrew or [reader] (and [reader] just barely feeds on andrew's lust quick enough to have seconds and third rounds with him) the sheets are sticky and torn, andrew uses everyone as a chew toy, and ashley is lavished between them since she likes the attention and they know that. there's a gone wild audio on reddit about tcoaal with andrew and a succubus listener and i think sex would go pretty much like that. god the cock worship, the brat taming, the tail pulling and ass slapping... the darkest depths of degenerate depravity the demon realm can offer!

andrew is... going through it. he relief [reader] gives his is immeasurable, like, omg. he's glad that ashley and [reader] get along, since she sort of dictates who they can and can't interact with in their relationship. in fact, having [reader] around has brought a sense of security for andrew and ashley since even though she's great at oral, she's also good at killing their enemies :) deadly and dangerous, nothing hotter than that <3 <3

she's pretty quiet when she's not moaning their names like a bitch in heat in bed, but they don't mind it too much. once she got used to her place in their lives, she started teasing them on their journey of living their lives post satanic cannibalism. the wedding proposal was unexpected

i do not know who proposed first, maybe you do, but the wedding was beautiful! andrew and ashley do not have many friends (they only really need themselves and reader <3) so the guest list was empty... maybe besides the entity that has helped them. the venue was beautiful, thanks to [reader] working her demon powers, and ashley's great artistic eye! it was truly a sight to behold! ah... what a wonderful union under unholy matrimony... <3 <3 <3

----

coff-in

[neinofthem]

brief vent in your inbox- it's such a big pet peeve to me when people take things like the cat's paw scene as essek instantly being in love with/wanting to bang caleb when matt confirmed he's demisexual. like, we'd know how wrong it'd be to ship beau with a man, but people won't show the same respect for essek's demisexuality

you’re actually so correct. like essek was definitely manipulating caleb on actual purpose. he had his own reasons for sort of flirting that had nothing to do with attraction or lust or anything, he very plainly wanted to get in good with the nein to figure out how they worked and how to swing that to his advantage. to me he reads as a very. ‘use everything at my disposal’ sort of person, and what he had at his disposal was looks, charm, etc. also, caleb was trying to set up a honeypot which essek definitely clocked and was playing into. maybe he thought caleb genuinely wanted to fuck him or whatever, it doesn’t really matter, the point of playing along and doing their batshit mating ritual wasn’t oh wow love at first sight it was oh, jesus, these people have never had a relationship that wasn’t wildly toxic and now they’re trying to bait the other into thinking that they have their shit together and should be trusted with capital S Secrets.

this to me also reads as a symptom of the woobification of essek thelyss, where he goes all doe-eyed over caleb immediately when, at first, it’s canon that he absolutely hated awllll of them very much. caleb intrigued him, yes, but caleb did not compel him to make any genuine overtures of friendship or romance or anything of the kind until much later. this might stem from the need to make essek into the more submissive (in a personality sort of way) between the two in regards to their eventual relationship, which echoes back up along the timeline and makes people think that their relationship has always been like this (with caleb the self confident wondertherapist there to coach essek through unlearning a century of bullshit while essek simpers helplessly under caleb’s fucking electric blue gaze or whatever).

this interpretation of them is problematic even when it’s wayyy postcanon, but people look at this very inaccurate summary of their dynamic and go, ‘oh, shit, essek must have been hiding his inner softboy all along, this changes their whole story’ which, no! if he wasn’t a bad person who did bad things for bad reasons in the beginning (yes I know that this is oversimplification, it’s going to be ok I prommy), then his redemption holds no weight! what’s the point of a narrative about change and growth and building a better self if the character most central to this theme didn’t have to actually make anything new, he just had to scrape away a layer of mean exterior to get to the gooey domestic homemaker big sweater wearing pet name calling somftboi interior? no point. there is no point. fuck!

[holeynightsky]

Okay I just finished watching Agatha All Along and yall I am reeling. I am not okay. I am so pleasantly astonished with everything that just happened.

Going to preface this with no show is perfect, but goddamn did I enjoy that!!! Off the top of my head:

- lesbians lusting after Lady Death

- Agatha isn't wrong, Billy IS like Wanda at least in that he feels so much grief, so much longing for a person he lost, that even unintentionally he bends the reality of the world to fit what he needs to believe to be okay

- They killed people and LET THEM STAY DEAD. can we pause and appreciate how long it's been since that's happened in a marvel project? It's been a while. I was half waiting for the coven to pop up in the finale, but no. Those witches are gone. Death comes for us all, and Agatha is--as always--the exception, not the norm. Lilia's sacrifice MEANT something. Sharon and Alice both left with their lives unfinished and it means Billy has to actually grapple with what he did. He has to learn to live with the deaths on his hands.

- the only coven member to survive was the sole black woman. Not only did she survive, she found a way to destroy the binding spell placed on her by a white woman, and flew off joyfully into the sunset. In a show so ripe with nods to horror and film, you KNOW that was fully intentional.

- agatha is a bad person! They kept hinting at the tragic past no one really understood and I was worried they would use it as an excuse, but no! She was killing dozens of witches! She loved her son unconditionally and she loved death and she lured covens in to murder them, again and again, and she tried to do the same. She told you she couldn't be trusted and she couldn't. But she sobbed when her boy, the other of her coven of two, died. She never stopped grieving him, not in two hundred years. She's toxic. She doesn't trust anyone. She's in a messy divorce with death. She kills people without remorse. She loves so deeply that it shatters her when it goes wrong, because eventually, it always does. I love love love that the show allows us to hold all these things as true at the same time.

- agatha could not have killed all those witches unless they attacked her first. She cannot just steal power unless it's in self defense. Her first big trauma was betrayal from her mother, her coven, her sisters--she decided witches could not be trusted. She set out to prove that she was right by luring them in and taunting them, pushing buttons, driving them to attack. But you know what? Every time, they did. She set a self-fulfilling prophecy but had any of those witches walked away, ignored her bullshit, gone back to their own lives.... she couldn't have stolen their power. Agatha betrayed her covens, over and over and over, but they betrayed her, too.

- the most important relationship in this show? Mother and child. It's not a romance or a sister-power or a self-acceptance story, although all of those elements are present. Fundamentally, it's a story about mothers and children and death and the lengths we go to, the boundaries we cross, to protect those we love most. And that is just... so fucking refreshing to see.

- lesbians lusting after Lady Death

Bonus: she made Nicky from scratch. Nicholas Scratch. The only two precious things she was able to grow all on her own, no purple cgi, no spells, no power: a little boy who she loved so so much, and that one defiant dandelion, sprouting from a crack in the broken and heading concrete

[man--eater]

I am VERY excited for your Halloween Special! Have you drawn any inspiration from your life whether platonic/romantic/ or familial for any of your iterations of Daphne? Btw I Love her! She’s so dang cute, and STRONG

Ahhhhh thank you so much!!! I am excited to share it, I hope people like it!

This is a great question that I had to mull over a little. There are certainly parts of myself in Daphne, but a lot of her grew out of herself while I was writing and getting to know her. There are three areas in my life that definitely affected Daphne (for all iterations except the Goetia arranged marriage AU, where her background is different). The first is my extremely religious upbringing (fundamentalist Baptist school from kindergarten thru high school graduation 🙃) that I broke free of in my teens, but the scars from it still affect me today. As a girl, I was taught that my body was inherently sinful and dirty, and that it was my job to dress modestly so as not to tempt other students or their brothers and fathers (this started when I was 12 btw). If I tempted them to look at me with lust just by existing, or cause them to do anything worse than that, it was my fault and my sin, not theirs. It didn't help that I got chubby the second I hit puberty, so I had big boobs before my classmates. This really fucked up my relationship with my body and my sexuality. I felt the need to hide myself under loose, oversized clothes, like I had to spare other people from looking at my fat body. I'm still unpacking it decades later but I'm in a much better place, and I don't mind talking about it because I know I'm not the only one who had experiences like that. So Daphne became a Puritan, complete with religious baggage, because Puritans were revered in my curriculum and their ideals were part of my daily life hundreds of years after they lived.

The second thing is, I gave Daph a shitty ex-husband because I have one that I am so glad to be rid of. Alas, I did not eat him. I bet he would have tasted terrible anyway.

The third thing is, she's plus-size (like me) because I make 90% of my OCs plus-size out of pure spite! It's still very rare to see fat female characters in any media--including fan works--that aren't just the comic relief or someone's mom. A fat woman as a romantic lead is rarer still. And by fat I mean rolls, cellulite, stretch marks, a belly, upper arm fat, etc. None of that 'slap some big tits and hips/thighs on a skinny character and call her plus-size' bullshit. I've never been able to look at a lead character in a romance and see myself in them before, and I think that's really shitty. So I'm trying to do my little part to change that.

I'm so happy to hear you love Daphne!! She IS stronk, especially with her raptorial claws. I love her so much, despite all the Situations I keep putting her in. And I love that she can go toe to toe with Alastor, and choose which of his excesses to indulge and which ones not to tolerate. Stinky deer boy's got it BAD 🥰

[mur-art]

A Calivada Essay in Song Lyrics

Lowkey inspired by @sleepdeprivedsimp234's song lyrics posts I decided to let my instincts win and put together a post full of song lyrics that are Calivada-coded to me. (Since the latest episode got me fully back on my Calivada bullshit. You could say they took a high-speed rail straight into my heart. )

The songs are roughly in order with how I picture the progression of their relationship. It starts with the early days of the Gold and Silver rushes and the Wild West, marked with periods of stormy and reckless whirlwind romance. Then it progresses into the early 20th century, with them growing apart, and yet together: Nevada finding his identity in casinos and sin, and California giving into the hedonism of Hollywood. Somewhere along the line, they became on-and-off again FWB, coming together when they're drunk, or lonely, or hopeless... or all of the above, locked in a frankly toxic and tumultuous co-dependent relationship. Not quite enemies, not quite lovers, definitely not friends... (or so they'll say).

Just... them. Anyway...

A bunch of these have been compiled from suggestions from various people over the past year-ish and some are just my shitty millennial taste in mid-2000s pop rock.

Link to actual playlist here

PART 1: "We're meant to be together like silver and gold"

California and Nevada meet for the first time. There's an immediate attraction to each other-- is it really love or is it simply a lust for the sparkle of silver and gold? Either way, it's a force of nature when they come together.

Silver and Gold- Parade of Lights (Cali's perspective)

Can you let me in if I take you home? / I'm never giving up 'cause I can't let go / I feel it in the air, feel it in my bones / We're meant to be together like silver and gold

Silver Stallion- The Highwaymen (Cali's perspective)

I'm gonna find me a reckless woman / Razor blades and dice in her eyes / Just a touch of sadness in her fingers / Thunder and lightning in her thighs

And we're gonna ride / We're gonna ride / Ride like the one eyed jack of diamonds with the devil close behind / We're gonna ride

Reckless Love- Bleachers (Nevada's perspective)

So give me a chance to remember / What I've given up to defend ya / I would burn my dreams away / Just to stand in the thankless shadows of your reckless love

gold rush- Taylor Swift (Nevada's perspective)

What must it be like / To grow up that beautiful? / With your hair falling into place like dominos / I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors / With my [49ers] t-shirt hanging from the door / At dinner parties / I call you out on your contrarian shit / And the coastal town We wandered 'round had never / Seen a love as pure as it / And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea / 'Cause you know it could never be

Stardust- MIKA (Nevada's perspective)

I could put a little stardust in your eyes / Put a little sunshine in your life / Give me a little hope that you'll feel the same And I wanna know if I'll see you again / See you again Funny how the time is rushing by / And all the little things we leave behind / But even then, in everything I do / Is a little bit of me, a little bit of you / When will I see you again?

Addict- Silva Hound (I think this is from Hazbin Hotel lmao) (Nevada's perspective)

So what if I misbehave? It's what everybody craves / You already know / So come if you're feeling brave / And fancy yourself a mate

You want it, I got it, see what you like? / We could have it all by the end of the night / Your money and power, my sinful delight / A hit of that heaven and hell, a hell of a high

PART 2: "We are brief summer lightning (we are sparks that spiral upwards in the darkness in the night)"

As they spend more time together, their affection for each other grows. They'll deny that they were ever in love, but the history between them doesn't lie.

Wild as You- Cody Johnson (Cali's perspective)

You're like wakin' in the morning by a mountain stream / You're like watchin' an eagle floating on the breeze / And as I listen to you dreaming by my side / I wish I could call you mine

But you belong where the four winds blow / Out where the untamed mustang roam / Like a sweet summer rain passin' through / Never seen anything wild as you

Hymn for the Weekend- Coldplay (Cali's perspective)

Oh, angel sent from up above / You know you make my world light up / When I was down, when I was hurt / You came to lift me up / Life is a drink and love's a drug / Oh, now I think I must be miles up / When I was a river, dried up / You came to rain a flood

Summer Lightning- Garnet Rogers (Nevada's perspective)

We are brief as summer lightning / We are swift as swallow's flight // We are sparks that spiral upward in the darkness in the night / We are frost upon a window / We won't pass this way again / In the end only love remains

Peaceful Easy Feeling- The Eagles (Cali's perspective)

I like the way your sparkling earrings lay against your skin so brown / I wanna sleep with you in the desert tonight / With a billion stars all around

Death Valley Queen- Flogging Molly (Nevada's perspective)

Death valley queen where have you been? / Since they crowned you in glory / Filled your head with dreams / But it still goes to show in every desert / There's a rose that's bloomin' for all to be seen

House of Memories- Panic! At the Disco (Nevada's perspective)

Those thoughts of past lovers, they'll always haunt me / I wish I could believe you'd never wrong me / Then will you remember me in the same way as I remember you?

Baby, we built this house on memories / Take my picture now, shake it 'til you see it / And when your fantasies become your legacy Promise me a place / In your house of memories

Joy Ride- The Killers

(I showed enough restraint to wait until ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE to include a Killers song. Y'all should be proud /s )

It's gettin' close to sundown over the Sierra / Stranded on the heatwave, burnin' with desire / She was on the sidewalk, looking for a nightlife / We talked about the real things and drove into the fire

Headlights on the highway, the desert wind is howlin' / Rattlesnakes and romance are spillin' with the rain / Candy apple red dress, bleedin' when she kissed me / Heaven a ragtop, take away my pain

PART 3: "Just call me angel of the morning, angel..."

The relationship has lost its initial shine and turned tumultuous. Difference in personality emerge and disagreements become common. And yet, they still can't keep their hands off each other... maybe they both like the drama. They are both performers, after all...

The Way it Was- The Killers (Nevada's perspective)

I drove through the desert last night / I carried the weight of our last fight / Elvis singing "don't be cruel" / And I wonder if you feel it too / It's like we're going under

Somewhere outside the lonely Esmeralda county line / The question of my heart came to my mind

If I go on with you by my side / Can it be the way it was when we met? / Did you forget all about those golden nights?

Bend and Break- FM-84 feat. Ollie Wride (Cali's perspective)

Leave your reason at the door / 'Cause the writing's on the wall / The sunshine's gone / Maybe it's too soon to call / But we've both been here before , so I'm waiting on

No our music it ain't done, 'cause I found our revelry / In the highways and the dancehalls that filled our history

Angel of the Morning- Juice Newton (Nevada's perspective)

There'll be no strings to bind your hands / Not if my love can't bind your heart / There's no need to take a stand / For it was I who chose to start / I see no need to take me home / I'm old enough to face the dawn

Just call me angel of the morning, angel / Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby / Just call me angel of the morning, angel / Then slowly turn away from me

Body- Jordan Suaste (1st part- Cali's perspective; 2nd part- Nevada's perspective)

Body, let me see your body / Take off all your makeup and your clothes / Trust me, why don't you just trust me? / You're the only beauty, show me more

You're not a dime a dozen / Oh, your skin is golden / Let me show the whole damn world / You're one in a billion / The only thing you're missin' / Is some tape over that mouth

BABY SAID- Maneskin (Cali's perspective; Nevada is "baby")

Baby said "When you're talking, I go dead" "Shut your mouth, give me your head" (uh-uh-uh-uh) I know you really want to Baby said "Let me taste your silhouette" "You can talk between my legs" (uh-uh-uh-uh) I know you really want to

Faithless- The Airborne Toxic Event (Cali's perspective)

I wake up early my head ain't right / It's the fever dream of what we did last night / I flex my fingers and feel my age / Fifteen minutes till we take the stage / And I call you when I wake up drunk / My arms are cold and my head is sunk / They say the lights go up at ten PM / Just make sure you're okay by then

Neon Medusa- The Midnight (Either one tbh)

It's a highway, highway to the dark / And a neon medusa's got your heart / Sweet canyon lullabies, don't look straight into its eyes

Alone Together- Fall Out Boy (Both)

Cut me off, I lost my track / It's not my fault, I'm a maniac / It's not funny anymore, no it's not / My heart is like a stallion / They love it more when it's broken / Do you wanna feel beautiful, do you wanna? / I'm outside the door, invite me in / So we can go back and play pretend

and also

This is the road to ruin, and we're starting at the end

PART 4: "I only love you when I'm drunk"

Fast-forward to today (well, the past few decades, really), and they're THOSE TWO drama-Filled Frenemies With Benefits (although the benefits are debatable at this point).

Jilted Lovers and Broken Hearts- The Killers (Nevada's perspective)

Why did you roll your dice, show your cards? / Jilted lovers and broken hearts / You're out on the wind and I'm still waiting to be found

Yeah, will I ever win? / Only time will tell / You've gotta suffer to remember how well / That our ideals never really marched in time / That's the bottom line / Jilted lovers and broken hearts

Getting Even- White Lies (Cali's perspective)

If you're getting even, you're getting even / Trying to get even, better start believing / I can forgive and we can forget / Even after all this wrestling of conscience / I can forgive and we can forget / Even after all this love and other nonsense

Love You When I'm Drunk- MIKA (Both)

Don't get me wrong, last night I didn't change my mind / It was the drink, it was leaving me blind / And when I kissed you, it was such a big mistake / A couple drinks, that's the chance that I take

We All Get Lonely- The Wrecks feat. TOMI (Nevada's perspective)

You're so in love with self-destruction / You're bringing me down

Why'd you come over? / Are you sober? / Are you playing around?

You touch me gently / But it's empty / You should figure it out

Don't say, say you love me, need me / Until you've had your fun / Use me when you get lonely / We all get lonely / You're not the only one

FUCK ABOUT IT- Waterparks (Nevada's perspective)

I like you but I need some space / I like you kinda far away / It's not hard to kill a day lookin' at your face / I like you but I need some room / Been givin' me your attitude / It doesn't always stay that way / I hate the aftertaste

Ancient History- Set it Off (Both)

Damn, pick up the phone, I know I'm drunk again / And you, know my intentions 'cause it's two a.m. / It's fun and games until we both get hurt / We play with fire 'cause we like the way it burns / No use in patching up a sinking ship / This is the last time we do this, baby / This is the last time you taste my lips

I know, I know how to drive you wild / You know, you know how to make me smile / But I need you to be / My ancient history

I know, I know who you really are / You know, you know how to break my heart / But I need you to be / My ancient history

Walk Me Home- P!nk (California's perspective-- despite everything that's happened between them, he still goes to Nevada when he's hurt and lonely)

Walk me home in the dead of night / I can't be alone with all that's on my mind / So say you'll stay with me tonight / 'Cause there's so much wrong going on outside

Till It Shines- Bob Seger (Nevada's perspective; reflecting on California's loneliness)

Storm the walls around this prison / Leave the inmates, free the guards / Deal me up another future / From some brand new deck of cards

Take the chip off of my shoulder / Smooth out all the lines / Take me out among the rustling pines / 'Til it shines / Oh 'til it shines

Like an echo down a canyon / Never coming back as clear / Lately I just judge the distance / Not the words I hear

and this part:

See the rich man lost and lonely / Watch him as he dines / Sitting there just testing all the wines / 'Til it shines

AND OF COURSE...

Waking Up in Vegas- Katy Perry

I think this one speaks for itself, BUT...

Spare me your freakin' dirty looks / Now don't blame me / You want to cash out / And get the hell outta town / Don't be a baby / Remember what you told me

Shut up and put your money where your mouth is / That's what you get for waking up in Vegas / Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now / That's what you get for waking up in Vegas

[morgana-ren]

i know tentacle daddy is hot and all but i made my ideal man AND I DESERVED TO FUCK THAT INSTEAD THANKS ♥😭

Oh, believe me, baby, I get it. I made a very specific character on my fuckin' playthroughs and when that facade fell so unceremoniously, I was bummed. I'm not a tentacle fucker myself (I think I just know too much about mindflayers tbh) By the time the seduction scene came around, I was already in a relationship, and I wasn't about to cheat for a mirage. He offers to take the shape of your 'dream' person but-- like, brother, I know it's you. It's not them. It's you manipulating me again.

Mindflayers operate on a lot of manipulation, but not in a hot 'I love you, and you will be with me' way like I enjoy. It's more of a 'I will tug strings in your simple human mind to get what I want from you, and if that is romance, so be it. It means nothing to me.' kind of way, which I am not bonkers about.

I don't know, I've never seduced the Emperor because it just reeks of mindflayer bullshit. Like he's doing it because he knows you want it and want to believe it rather than because he wants it, and it feels like we're abusing each other. He doesn't actually want me, he doesn't actually have feelings, he doesn't actually feel anything at all. He knows humans are weak to lust, and so he uses it like another tool in his repertoire.

If you turn him down, he is very quick to forget it. Like he's just "Okay, never mind" and it is never approached again. Kind of like he made a mental note and went 'Right, that manipulation didn't work. Got it.'

I need obsession, man. I need actual longing. And you had the illusion of that with the dream person, in a way. It's dropped, and you get the Emperor, and Hell yeah, that's based for tentacle fuckers, but for me, it was just like…. oh. ok.

Give me back my tiefling. I am happy to be manipulated and played with, but not in an intelligence insulting kind of way that mindflayers do it.

[hopeymchope]

In your AiNi thoughts I’m surprised you did not bring up Kizuna and Lien. I personally did not like how they hooked up despite Lien being creepy about it and Kizuna having no respect for him at first and mostly ended up dating/hooking up in a very forced and contrived way after Kizuna loses the use of her legs.

(***SPOILERS for A.I.: The Somnium Files - nirvanA Initiative are ALL OVER this post, sorry. I'll try to tag this in every way I can think of.***)

Note: By the way, if anyone missed my post sharing my final thoughts RE: AITSF-nirvanA Initiative? It's here.

As someone who is blissfully unaware of what it's like to have an actual stalker — in fact, I've never known anyone personally who had to deal with one — I've previously proven to be receptive and even sometimes warm to "the once-unnerving relationship with the unwanted stalker bizarrely turns out to be the correct path when the stalker's love winds up being sincere" romance narratives. A personal failing, I'm certain, but... well, there it is. (This probably also could be seen as a symptom of how I'm drawn towards dumb, "edgy" bullshit in a lot of fiction, particularly anime.)

I can absolutely sympathize with where you're coming from, though. I know that my response to such thing is... not exactly enlightened of me. And the entire "six years ago" storyline really did make Lien seem like a borderline lunatic. The confession of love/proposal in the restaurant? He seemed like a giant moron, but at least a relatively harmless one. Once he started appearing EVERYWHERE she was? LESS HARMLESS.

In addition, I hate "love at first sight" narratives — I do not believe in such a thing ever being anything more than aesthetic desire/lust —AND I initially had the impression that Lien was even older than he actually is supposed to be, which made me recoil at his advances towards Kizzy even MORE. But by the time they were burying the box, it was pretty obvious where this was going, so I tried to open my mind to the eventuality.

And ultimately, I found it hard not to be won over by their relationship in the "six years later" timeline..... even if the relationship in the "six years prior" timeline should probably have resulted in a restraining order. Ultimately, Lien proves to be less of a threat and more a simpleton. His love is so pure and so unrelenting because he's too dense to be aware of any other option, it seems.

(Actually, given how Kizuna's father responded to their eventual engagement, how the hell DIDN'T he get a restraining order against Lien at any point during those six years? It's not like he didn't know the guy was around... )

[violet-2084-turkish-warrior]

Am I the only one who hates almost all of the comic book couples i seen (Like Peter Parker and Mary Jane or Matt Murdock and Elektra Natchios or Hal Jordan and Carol Ferris) to death, even though I haven't read them and never will?(Because i find comics severely confusing) (Superman and Lois Lane are the exception, in my opinion. At least as far as I know, they at least aren't stuck in a cycle of break up and getting back together all the time, or gone through any bullshit like Peter and Mary Jane's marriage being erased. In my eyes, they're the only stable and consistent couple right now.)

Okay, people love drama, but i think even someone who enjoys drama the most gets bored after a certain point of the relationship between the comic couples.

I mean, if I feel this way without reading comics, I can't even imagine how people who read them feel.

For example, Peter and Mary Jane or Bruce and Selina constantly break up and come together, their relationship is always same sadly,the development of their relationship are slower than a freaking snail and trapped in a annoying vicious cycle (For example, Batman and Catwoman always fights,break up and come together for the sake of some stupid lust,having a fling,playing the Tom and Jerry and then fighting and breaking up again and again, and we have to watch it all the time) and i feel this is beginning to get boring and make you feel like a fool after a certain point.

Sadly most of the comic couples are trapped in a cheap cat - mouse play,break up,come together,have a fling and break up again cycle.

At the same time, while I'm neutral on these, it was a disgusting and a dick move by the writers to destroy the relationship that Nightwing and Starfire had, and Batman and Talia Al Ghul had. They could be the best couples of DC,smh.

There is an urgent need for less horny characters (looking at you Bats) or properly related romance and couples with consistent and stable relationship (at least i need)!!

[wellofdean]

This is such an interesting point with Dean. I feel like the way he interacts with women he considers sexual targets does feel very performative of what he thinks his role is as a dude, and what's more, unless a woman is performatively playing her role, he doesn't ever respond -- like, all the women he tries to pick up are waitresses in hot pants, hot women in bars, strippers, even a porn star! And he goes the extra mile to performatively leer at sorority girls and cheerleaders, too. But, there are lots of times when hot women, including the actual personification of the deadly sin of lust, and Amara, and he is immune or resistent. If it's just a pretty woman on a case he's working, he is 100% professional with them, and he forms actual friendships with women who aren't available to him (though the question of why age-appropriate women for Dean like Jody and Donna are mom-zoned is fucking legit as hell).

personal aside: I dunno if anyone else experiences this, but I feel like I have all but entirely lost interest in het romance on TV. It ALWAYS feels performative of bullshit cultural scripts that I no longer wish to participate in AT ALL. I am married to a man I do love, but I'll be totally honest: if something happened? I would not seek out another one. I positively PINE for a relationship with a woman in a way that feels like I fucking missed my goddamned boat, and maybe I over-relate to Dean as a Gen-X queer who woke the fuck up too late, but...maybe for Dean it's like that? I mean, he doesn't have ANY romance in his life at all, and makes no effort towards it for the entire back end of the show.

Dean's relationships with Benny and Crowley both play out tropes as well -- brothers-in-arms with Benny, and indulging in short-lived, shame-inducing hedonistic depravity with Crowley, but his relationship with Cas is so compellingly organic and specific and so exactly what it is, that it finally feels like something real, unscripted and exactly right. Dean is just himself with Cas, and Cas loves him exactly as he is -- however he is, like, on an evolving basis. No one else could ever again love Dean like Cas does because no one else is Cas, and Dean will never love anyone like he loves Cas, because it's not a performance, it is simply just real -- it's just WHO THEY ARE.

And like, I don't think it would matter to Dean to categorise himself as bi or gay or anything -- though he clearly is closer to gay than straight -- because it's Cas he loves. It's just Cas.

Anyway, I think that's beautiful, excuse me while I go have a cry.

thinking about dean’s sexuality again. i do think he’s bi, but he definitely feels obligated to act on his attraction to women as an extension of his masculinity, even if he’s also actively pursuing intimacy with men. and i think this obligation builds up resentment over time, to an extent that sex with women no longer feels genuinely enjoyable & is completely tied up to his performance of Who Dean Winchester Is. sex with men would feel less performative to him because he’s breaking his own rules; or at least, the person he’s performing isn’t dean winchester, it’s someone else. and i would have to imagine it feels really good to him to be someone else for a while

[wearejericho]

10 Headcanons: North (deviant) inspired from this post!

1. Does your muse feel worthy of romantic love?

Yes — now, more than ever. It’s taken some time. Before her deviancy she barely recognized it as an option. But after coming to Jericho and seeing genuine love and affection, not just lust, she realizes it’s something that she wants, and she believes she’s worthy of it. She’s come so far. 

2. How does your muse cope with sadness?

Not super well. She allows herself to feel her feelings, but she does so alone. In time, her friends and lover will help her come out of her shell, but she struggles with opening up, just as several other androids do. They were not created to have emotions, let alone express them. 

3. Does your muse spoil a lover? Do they like to be spoiled themselves?

She doesn’t feel strongly about this. The genuine connection is far more important to her. She doesn’t go out of her way to spoil her lover, and doesn’t expect any different. If she were to be spoiled, she wouldn’t say no, but it’s not really something she actively desires. 

4. Does your muse believe in intelligent extraterrestrial life?

She doesn’t think about it a lot, but I would say yes. 

5. Does your muse celebrate holidays? Why or why not?

Halloween is her favorite. She “celebrates” commercial Christmas, but it isn’t as much of a vibe. She pretends to hate Valentine’s day, but she secretly likes the romance. She doesn’t celebrate the 4th of July or Thanksgiving.

6. Would your muse say they are intelligent? How does your muse feel about intellectual types?

North believes, at the very least, that she is wise. Textbook intelligence is personally not very important to her (for herself or others) as long as wise decisions are made. 

7. How does your muse see authority? Is it something to be respected at all times, or is it okay to call out injustice hiding behind the letter of the law? Are they a rule-follower or an iconoclast?

North believes strongly in equality and will call out anybody’s bullshit, regardless of social status or position. She believes that authoritative figures often let power go to their head. She typically does what she can not to get into legal trouble, but she is very much a non-conformist. 

8. Is your muse technologically savvy?

Not initially. She is very understanding of androids and their biocomponents and how they work, and can work basic technology such as cell phones, but she is not able to really code or fix most electronics. 

9. What is your muse’s sexuality?

North is pansexual. She enjoys sexual relationships between any sex or gender identity. 

10. Is my muse flippant?

I wouldn’t call her extremely disrespectful, but yes. She is pretty flippant. 

[abbynx]

But Padre, I love them!

Ice-cream husband reacting to their child romancing Bucci Gang and vice versa.

A/N: School is killing me, exams are going to be the death of me, enjoy this vent fic

Bruno Buccellati

- He is a good man, he doesn't have any problems meeting your parents— in fact he is quite glad to be meeting them! But he won't deny the fact that there's a lingering sense of anxiety in his head.

What if they don't approve of his career? What if they think he isn't enough for you? What if—

A lot of what if's... And it was a perfect opportunity for you to reassure him that the anxiety he is feeling is valid, and to draw a silver lining, it shows that he cares so much about you. And the care is enough for your Papa and Padre to approve of him.

Now, he has not met your parents (duh), nor have you mentioned them to him. This will be his first and he hopes to leave the best impression... What he doesn't know is that he works in the same career path as they are.

So, it was a massive surprise when he was faced to faced with them. No wonder you can be quite nonchalant on the morbid subjects of death. Everything about you started to make sense to him.

Like Bruno, your Papa Gelato and Padre Sorbet were shocked... But not entirely. They knew you had your heart set on people like Bruno, with his charming charisma, his politeness, his big heart. And they approve of him. They have nothing to worry about. In fact, they think that Bruno is one lucky guy to have you.

Leone Abbacio

- He doesn't care at all, he just wants to get through this shit and get it done... That's what he is telling himself to get some good night's sleep. Under the surface, he is a wreck. He knows his worth is as useless as the dirt under one's boots.

He tries his utmost best to be at least the most tolerable person, he cares about you and loves you deeply and he wants nothing more than to spend all his days by your side. And among the people you love apart from him, your Padre and Papa who means the world to you.

He tries his best not to show his crippling self-doubt, but as your significant other, you have established your trustworthiness and communication is key in a relationship. He broke down in front of you about the things you know he is insecure about and time and time again, you reassure him.

This is normal, but this is why he loves you, you stick with him through the same old bullshit he puts himself through. And to show his gratitude, he wants to fulfill your wish to meet your parents. So he squared his shoulders back, dressed his best...

Well, Gelato and Sorbet was quite puzzled to see a familiar face from work. This isn't a bad thing, your Padre and Papa both know of your capabilities, you can carry yourself with utmost confidence in combat, but they thought you would want someone who is not as the same line of career as your parents.

But other than that, their expectations being subverted is not a bad thing— they were just shock, that is all.

Guido Mista

- First thing's first, he is in need of a shower, deodorant, and a fresh change of clothes that are not wool sweaters in the middle of an Italian summer. Your Padre Sorbet can be quite the clean freak, and a deep clean is a must.

Guido is acting way to casual in a way that will not dare with your parents and it isn't him in control, it's his nerves. His instinct to act so casual amidst an important situation is charming to you, but he is meeting your Padre and Papa... And he isn't even good at it.

He has fist bumped your Padre Sorbet when he held his hand out for a handshake and when your Padre glanced at you behind your boyfriend, you were facepalming at this fantastic start.

Needless to say, he left quite the impression. I mean, your parents are allowing you to date whomever you want as long as you know who you love, that it really is love you are feeling for them— not obligation, nor lust— pure love.

And if you like dating this weird oddball, go for it.

Narancia Ghirga

- The moment he was told he was going to be meeting your Padre and Papa, he went straight to Fugo (As he always do, even before you started dating, he went to the short-fused boy for some advice even if he didn't know diddly squat about romancing someone).

But if there is something Panacotta Fugo knows, it's etiquettes. So Narancia is typically half-assed at everything he does, because most of the time it feels so forced to learn somethings and he thinks he has better to do than memorising his multiplication table, but he was taking this seriously. That is how he loves you, that he would go as far as to be smacked around by Fugo and not tackle the blond into a headlock.

So at the day of the meeting, it's as if he is a different person! Polite, formal, using big words (which your parents find it weird because of how obviously out of place the words are, in a way it feels like he doesn't even know what does words are.)

Well, they think that Narancia is a good boyfriend. Your parents trust you that you know who you want, and to be met with the honour of meeting your boyfriend makes them feel like they are important in your life... And it makes the two fought men shed a tear or two.

Panacotta Fugo

- Short-circuits...

"Are you sure you want me to meet your parents?"

His head goes to all the mistakes he has committed and suddenly he felt extra worthless to be dating someone who is out of his league, suddenly he felt like you were only dating him because he looks so pathetic.

The best thing to deal with these situations is to carefully tread in these delicate situation, ask him to breathe. He will let you know if you can hold his hand or hold him, but if he doesn't, it's best to let him keep his space, but remain to be there to instruct him to breathe.

Once he has calmed down, tell reassure him that he is worrying over nothing, you know he would do his utmost best and that you love him. That is why you want him to meet your parents— you want him to be a part of your life and share those who you love with him.

Once gaining your perception, he calms down... A little, but knowing you're always there for him, and that he is there by your side, he would want to meet them if he wants their blessing.

Your Padre and Papa are amused by Panacotta and his cool head (Fugo tries his best) because the ice-cream husbands always envision meeting your boyfriend as the poor thing quiver with fear, but Fugo showed he has nothing to be scared of. They approve of him, he is a good man, they both trust that he will take care of their little baby Y/N.

Once the meeting was done, Panacotta collapsed in your arms and lets himself loose after holding in internal screaming.

Giorno Giovanna

- Don't worry darling, he's got it 😎

Don Casanova right here has nothing to be afraid of, he glows because he knows what his worth is. He is determined to sweep them off their feet just as he had you.

He is motherfucking Giorno Giovanna of course he is going to do well. He felt right at home within your papa and padre's presence, he talks as if he had known them for a long time, quite the charming lad he is, he instantly had your papa and padre's approval— not that you needed their approval but it shows that you care about what they think about you.

Trish Una

- Acts nonchalant, but you'd know she is lying because her hands are trembling. But give her a darn credit, she is good at hiding it.

She took waaaaaay too long choosing an apparel to wear. Is this okay? No, no, this is too casual. How about this? No, too revealing. This? No, that's too much. Hmmm... This? No, no, no, no!

Upon meeting them, she is her usual reserved self, only speaking when she is spoken to. But knowing your Papa and Padre, they can get people to talk easily and had Trish talk for quite a time.

They find the girl a bit on the quiet side, but as along as she loves you with all her heart and cared for you with all her soul, they approve of her.

[mskatesharma]

I'll never understand why the writers didn't have Anthony grovel at all it's like they've never read a romance novel in their lives! Like yes heroes do bad shit and then they apologize jfc it's not rocket science. But I'm not even sure Anthony fully understood that he tore apart a family for his own selfish sexist reasons. Like sorry Kate and Edwina are never gonna be close again and that's his fucking fault. And he didn't even apologize to either of them!! Just to Mary and halfassedly at best.

Do you ever think about how when Anthony realises that he’s probably in love with Kate, he freaks out and proposes to HER SISTER, when what he should have done was propose to literally anyone else? Anthony then has the audacity to deny anything happened between them when Kate confronts him about it in episode five, only to then turn round and blame KATE for the lust and desire he feels for her, claiming she’s the one who is making it difficult for him to go through with marrying her sister; her sister who he never should have proposed to in the first place. And then when he tells her that he WILL cheat on her sister, and it will be Kate’s fault that he does, because she’ll be the one he cheats with….like??? Sir, that dick belongs to you, control it yourself. And who’s to say Kate is going to be a willing participant in this adultery?? The way he puts this all on Kate, as though he’s not he’s not in control of his own actions, jfc. (Also, Kate is going back to india?? What’s his plan here, get on a boat for six months with the sole purpose of going and shagging his sister in law? What?)

AND HE NEVER APOLOGISES FOR IT. Not for blaming her for how he feels about her, the hurt he caused her by proposing to Edwina in the first place while she stood right there, for the way he denied anything happened between them at the start of episode five, for blaming her if he cheated on Edwina, for the way he humiliated her at Ascot with Dorset, for going after Edwina in the first place when she told him he couldn’t give her what he wanted, for the wedge he drove in her and Edwina’s relationship. None. Of. It. He got off so fucking lightly, and I don’t have time for people who claim he didn’t do that much wrong, because were we even watching the same fucking show?

And they can talk all they want about how Edwina loves Kate more so that’s why Kate has to deal with more shit from her than Anthony does…but it’s still bullshit. If Edwina loved Kate more, we would have seen her choosing Kate over Anthony, like in episode two for example. All Anthony got were a few harsh words and some dirty looks from Edwina, while again, Kate got Edwina blaming her for all of it, just like Anthony did. Am I saying Kate didn’t deserve any of Edwina’s anger? No. What I’m saying is she shouldn’t have been the only one to get it. ESPECIALLY WHEN ANTHONY IS THE ONE LED HER ON LIKE HE DID.

And yes, Edwina acknowledged in episode two that Anthony might not want to marry for love, but the fact she talked about love in front of him, and that the queen did, and he never corrects her or makes sure she understands that he won’t ever love her? Like he had to have known how naive Edwina was, and how enamoured she was with him, otherwise it just makes him look stupid. He does acknowledge it some to Violet in episode five, when he tells her that Edwina does not wish to end the engagement, and he confirms that she doesn’t know how he really feels about the whole thing. HE KNEW IT WAS WRONG.

There were four people Anthony owed apologies to this season, and Mary was no where near the top of that list. Jfc, once again, the white man got off lightly for the shit he did, and what a fucking surprise, fandom is determined not to call him out on it like it should

[angel-maybe-alive]

It's because no boring straight romance is truly over until there's a baby

The thing is those characters have some of the most lazy relationships, rather than build up some actual bonding shared interests and experiences, the only thing keeping them together is heteronormativity "he is a unbelievably hot guy of course she loves him and she is a unbelievably hot woman of course he loves her, they have to be together because of the lust they feel for one another" justify this lust with a bullshit soulmate bond never explained and viola an empty shallow relationship trying to be a epic romance build on forced blushing scenes accidental voyeurism and the text repeating over and over again how their love is the most powerful thing in the universe despite being built upon nothing, so realizing there's nothing inside the romance the author and the fans will inevitably push for the ultimate symbol of straight love wining, a child the living embodiment of love the end goal of all relationships (from a straight heteronormative perspective) a way to proof the characters are made for one another after all, the cuteness of a baby serves to ignore the sad reality, your otp is not that good, those characters have nothing in common, their relationship is boring and the author was a shitty author

Why are SJM fans so focused on breeding and babies? For that matter, why is SJM so focused on that herself? Like it’s the only obvious option for heterosexual couples? Are you not allowed to be child free in Prythian unless you’re gay? Why is it glorified to the point it is? I could not care less what Nesta and Cassian’s kids look like or what kind of fucking father he will be (fyi, actually shitty but portrayed as the best eva).

For all her stupid girlbossing, SJM ultimately winds up reducing so many of her prominent female characters to wombs. Which is exactly the opposite of girlbossing, or at the very least only one aspect of it, because women aren’t one-dimensional and are actually multi-layered entities with many valid paths available to them, right? RIGHT?!?

What are the odds that whoever SJMs token gays are (tbh it’s really not clear at this point in my opinion) wind up adopting?

[chubbytummy]

(first official post!!! pls enjoy and support!!! sorry in advance for any typos! T^T)

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

♡✰ 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤 ✰♡

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

synopsis:

(bts taehyung-seokjin centric)

taehyung has never had the best eating habits, indulging in junk food to his heart's content. what happens when it finally catches up with him, and his roommate/crush happens to notice?

tw: weight gain, mild feederism, eructo, mentions of past abusive relationships, mentions of insecurity, language, slight nsfw (barely)

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

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it was no secret to anyone around him that taehyung, as sweet as he was, gave absolutely no fucks about his eating habits. that was one thing he would tell you straight off the bat, and he was completely shameless about them too. if it was yummy, it was yummy. and if it was yummy, he was going to eat it. life was short, and wasn't the point of life to enjoy yourself and be happy?

that's what taehyung believed, anyway.

taehyung wasn't shy by nature; a social butterfly, if you will. he loved making new friends, chatting, and bringing people out of their shell. he was naturally charismatic and funny, and with the added-luxury of movie star looks, a deep and sultry voice, and a great physique, he always had a group of buddies around him. that's just how he was. he loved making people smile and laugh, enjoying the warmth and love that radiated off of those close to him. so, as it seemed, taehyung's life was a blissful stream of joy. he didn't have a care in the world, especially about his food.

that was until he graduated highschool and went off to college. you see, taehyung was quite athletic in highschool. participating in track and field and being in dance with his best friend, jimin, gave him plenty of, if not excessive exercise to burn off all those calories he consumed throughout the day. perhaps he was able to get away with his atrocious eating habits back then. however, there was a teeny problem. now, taehyung wasn't pursuing athletics or dance in college-- he was majoring in fine arts. that meant he wasn't getting the amount of exercise his body was used to. turns out, he didn't have as fast of a metabolism like he'd falsely believed, he just did a lot of cardio. so, factoring together the absence of any exercise (minus walks to classes and to the fridge), no changes in his diet, and the constant late-night junk food binges, things quickly started to add up.

literally.

it started with his cheeks. taehyung had been thin, bordering underweight, most of his life, so of course the little bit of newfound plumpness to his face would be noticable. yet, despite his soulmate's comments over 2 am facetimes saying "jesus, taetae, you look so young! drop the skin care routine, bestie," taehyung didn't see the changes. his cheeks poofed out and softened like freshly baked bread, and they always seemed to be puffy, like he'd just woken up. well, he had been taking a lot of naps lately, maybe that's why? he didn't really care, anyways.

the next noticable change was his hips, thighs, and ass. not only was taehyung blessed with a face sculpted by the gods, he also had a body to die for. if there's any higher power, they CLEARLY pick favourites. with a slim, trim waist and a naturally curvy figure, the weight gain only accentuated his hourglass shape. his hips widened generously, thighs thickened like heavy cream, and ass plumped out lusciously, filling up any seat he sat on to the brim and earning him more whistles and lustful stares then he was already receiving. yet, despite the constant catcalling from other students on campus, and the snugness of his pants, taehyung remained oblivious to his altered form.

the final shift in taehyung's appearance settled itself softly on his midsection. although he'd never had chiseled, drool-worthy abs like his new friend jungkook, who practically lived at the campus fitness center, his stomach had always been completely flat. now, it had softened entirely; he had a bit of a tummy. it wasn't very noticeable, at first, due to his knack for wearing baggy clothes, but it began to show over time. it was chubby and pudgy, and spilled over the waistband of his pants when he sat down. his belly was fluffy like the stuffing of a teddy bear, the surface doughy, as if you could sink your hand into it and leave behind a handprint. it was even more noticeable after he'd eaten. taehyung always bloated terribly. whether he'd had a bellyache, gas, or had just eaten something rather filling, his tummy always swelled up and pushed over his pantline and into his shirt. as well, love handles began to form, curling around his middle and warmly hugging his sides.

he was by no means overweight, but he wasn't exactly skinny anymore. he was softer, warmer around the edges. it suited him.

strangely enough, taehyung hadn't really noticed. besides a passing comment from a loved one, or a short-lived "hmm, that's new," in front of the bathroom mirror before dashing off to an already-late-to lecture, taehyung was pretty ignorant.

but how long can you ignore such a growing issue?

♡

☆

♡

leaning back and gazing up at the tile ceiling, taehyung sighed. he was currently in his friend jungkook's tiny dorm, sitting on his bed and waiting for his roommate, hoseok, to return with pizza. he really hoped he'd hurry up already. his belly was growling like it was angry with him. it was getting kinda scary.

"i really don't know, jungkook-ah, he's just... ugh." he mopplingly prompted his chubby cheeks in his hands and huffed.

"what do you mean you don't know, hyung?" jungkook asked crossing his beefy arms and shooting his friend a skeptical look. "you're like... the hottest and most outgoing guy i know. how haven't you scored a date with him yet?"

the "him" in question was taehyung's new roommate, seokjin. well, he wasn't exactly new. he'd been his roommate for over 5 months now, since his last roommate dropped out. yet, honestly, taehyung didn't think he'd ever get used to seeing that worldwide-handsome face in the same vicinity as him everyday. that would always be a shocker, no matter how many times they saw one another.

having a crush was new for taehyung. to put it bluntly, he knew he was good-looking. he definitely wasn't conceited or snobbish about his natural attractiveness, he honestly didn't care about looks. however, he was used to having a secret admirer or two, and unfortunately had to let many people down with his unrequited feelings. he never had any romantic attraction for anyone, even if he knew he was bisexual. in fact, romance really didn't play a role in his life. taehyung liked to paint, watch cartoons, eat snacks and play videogames. he chose friends and food over chasing after boys and girls. he hadn't even watched porn before, that's how uninterested in sex and relationships he was. call him immature or weird, but romance just didn't do much for him. it seemed boring. why would people waste there time on a silly boyfriend or girlfriend when they could be having fun? it just didn't make sense to him.

that was until he met his roommate. now, that was all he could think about. well, besides school and food, that is.

"that's rich coming from you, mr. i have muscles and a six-pack and tattoos and a fucking eyebrow piercing but i'm still too shy to even talk to jisoo." taehyung shot back with a smirk.

at that, jungkook flushed completely. it was true, despite being a 5 course meal plus desert, jungkook was the shyest person taehyung had ever met. he didn't have many friends besides taehyung, his roommate, hoseok, and hoseok's boyfriend. and the latter was just a friend of circumstances. the younger man also couldn't even look a girl in the eyes without blushing profusely and damn near pissing himself from nervousness. jungkook had a slight lisp and an occasional stutter as well, but taehyung found it quite endearing and sweet.

"t-that's not the point, hyung, and you know it!" jungkook replied hastily, still blushing. "why don't you just tell him how you feel? you've been pining after this dude for months!"

taehyung sighed heavily, the sigh morphing into a deep groan.

"because i literally don't know how! jin-hyung isn't going to take my confession seriously if i just say it! he's already rejected half the campus! he needs a gesture! some bold statement," taehyung explained in an exasperated manner, not caring if he was kinda rambling. "he deserves more than some half-hearted bullshit. i have to find a way to catch his attention, something to show him i'm different than the others. that i'm not just another idiot underclassmen trying to win him over! i just don't know what-!"

taehyung took a deep breath, ending his rant. he was beginning to feel upset, having a tendency to work himself up easily. he took a moment to collect himself, or at least try, and looked at the younger expectantly.

"don't look at me like that, hyung." he said after a moment, watching warily as taehyung took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "you know what you gotta do, so do it." he shrugged, still observing his friend. "leth' talk about something else, okay?" jungkook suggested, not wanting his hyung to get anymore upset.

before taehyung could protest, there was a knock at the door.

"that must be hobi-hyung." jungkook spoke, getting up to let his dormmate in. taehyung stayed seated.

as the elder entered the room, the heavenly aroma of pizza followed, wafting around the dorm and into taehyung's nose. his mouth watered. pizza was the perfect comfort food. it always made him feel sated and happy. he could never get tired of it.

"hey tae-ah, i didn't know you would be here!" hoseok beamed, as he brought the pizza boxes over and placed them on the table. "how are you?"

"stressed and hungry."

hobi laughed loudly, his sunshine-like smile lighting up the room. taehyung always liked him. he was sweet, funny, and very handsome. he had a slim build, was a hip-hop dancer, and taehyung had seen his abs before. he'd be jealous if he cared about looks.

"aren't we all?" he joked, before he turned around and looked back at the still open door. "aish, yoongi-hyung, get your ass in here already!"

a low, "i'm coming, fuck off," emitted from beyond the threshold, before hoseok's boyfriend entered the room with a goofy grin and cases of beer and soda in his arms.

looking up at him, taehyung was taken aback.

the last time he'd seen yoongi, at least long enough to get a decent look at him, he'd been skinny. not just skinny, but nearly malnourished looking. his face had been gaunt and he was tiny in comparison to a healthy body. a good wind could have knocked him over. that was months ago. the yoongi he saw now looked quite different. he was filled out, his cheeks plumped and colored as apposed to pale and lifeless like before. his midsection as well, was that a belly? small, yes, but it was there. he looked so much... different. he wondered why.

taehyung had heard about relationship weight many times, and had seen it first-hand as well. when someone gets into a safe and loving relationship, they naturally gain weight. hoseok had opened up to jungkook and taehyung a few times, admitting that yoongi had been in an abusive relationship in the past. however, he was in a healthy one with hoseok now. honestly, it warmed taehyung's heart to see the once frail and sad-looking boy happy and healthy-looking.

it made him wonder if he would ever find a relationship like that. would he put on weight as well? probably not. his metabolism was way too fast, anyways.

"i brought some beer, jungkook don't drink it all this time." yoongi grunted, setting the packs by the desk and plopping down next to his boyfriend on his bed. "oh, taehyung's here. good thing we bought too much pizza."

the others chuckled. taehyung cocked a brow and frowned slightly. what was that supposed to mean?

"i'm starving." jungkook stated to no one in particular, grabbing himself a slice of pizza and a can of beer. taehyung wouldn't be having any alcohol, though, because it always made his cholinergic urticaria act up, and he wasn't in the mood for an itchy rash. besides, he liked soda much more.

"i thought you were on a diet, kookie-ah!" hoseok fake scolded. jungkook scoffed playfully.

"it's called bulking, hyung." he joked. everyone knew he rarely let himself eat like this. he was extremely disciplined. taehyung might've been jealous. "and what about you? thought you were on a diet!"

"i am." the elder replied. "this is all i'm eating. i've still got that dance competition next week- yah! yoongi, don't get sauce on my sheets, you pig!"

he swatted weakly at the mint-haired boy, who nudged him in return and rolled his eyes. it made taehyung smile.

"you can have some too, taehyung-ah." hoseok spoke after a bit. it was then taehyung realized he hadn't gotten any yet. "i know how much you like pizza."

once again, another comment.

"i mean, i don't like it that much." he mumbled, grabbing a slice and and taking a bite. he knew he was bluffing. pizza was the best.

jungkook snorted.

"bullshit tae, you almost always eat an entire pizza whenever we hang out!"

it was true. on an empty stomach, he could scarf down a whole pizza. more if he was especially hungry.

he decided not to reply, finishing his first slide and heading for a second. sinking his teeth into the slice, he all but moaned. it was supreme pizza, his favorite.

"honestly, i have no idea where he puts it all." the redhead commented, finishing up his slice. that was all he'd probably eat, seeing as he's on a diet and all.

"i-i do!" jungkook teased, stuttering slightly from the excitement. "he puth' it all right here."

suddenly, taehyung felt a finger poke his belly. he froze. he looked down to see jungkook's tattooed pointer finger sunk into his plush middle.

"wow, taehyung-hyung." the younger softly exclaimed. "i didn't know your tummy was this squishy."

taehyung felt himself blushing. not out of embarrassment, but something else. jungkook was still touching his belly.

"no way, let me feel!" hoseok reached over, but all too late. taehyung swatted them away and curled into himself, arms wrapped firmly around his middle.

"don't! i'm ticklish!" he lied. yes, he was ticklish, but that's not why he didn't want them to feel his stomach.

it was a strange sensation, really...

♡

☆

♡

a pizza and a 2L of soda later, taehyung felt warm and fuzzy and full.

hoseok and yoongi had left for yoongi's dorm. taehyung was assuming they wanted some alone time, and he knew yoongi had his own private dorm. he didn't want to think about what they'd do, though. ew, just... ew.

taehyung leaned back and closed his eyes, feeling sated. he gently patted his taut tummy and let out a deep burp, sighing afterwards. that was another thing he was shameless about. if he had to burp, he always just let it out. leaving the trapped gas in his belly only made it hurt, so he didn't hold back. besides, it felt good and it was only natural. he usually didn't even say "excuse me." he didn't understand why he had to. everyone burped; why excuse yourself for something completely normal? unlike jungkook, who'd probably die from humiliation, taehyung wasn't shy about it. the only person he'd be even remotely embarrassed in front of was seokjin, but that's a different story.

"mmm, that was yummy, kookie. i'm stuffed."

jungkook was drinking another beer, beyond drunk by now. he mumbled something incoherent, followed by a hiccup and a groan.

"aw kookie, are you drunk?" taehyung teased, ruffling the maknae's soft, black hair. the younger grumbled again. "tired, little guy? let's get you to sleep, bun."

gently, taehyung guided the nearly-passed-out jungkook's head to the pillow of his bed.

"sleep well, bun." he whispered sweetly, leaving a feather-light kiss on the younger's forehead. he'd probably have to stop by tomorrow morning to take care of him when he woke up with a hangover. he was bound to have a killer one with all the beer he guzzled down, and taehyung knew hoseok didn't do well with vomit. he didn't mind, however. taehyung loved to take care of his friends, anyways.

before he left, taehyung cleaned up, ate the last couple pieces the boys left, and did some of the dishes for them. he also really needed to pee, so he made a quick trip to the bathroom.

once he'd gone and washed his hands, he took a moment to observe himself in the mirror.

i looked really good today, taehyung thought, peering into the mirror and adjusting his gold-framed glasses. despite being quite handsome, he still felt insecure sometimes, especially as of lately. with some of the comments his friends had been making, he wasn't sure what to think. it was almost as if there was some kind of big joke, and he was the only one who wasn't in on it. he really didn't know.

before taehyung could turn away and exit the small bathroom, his eyes caught something in the corner, by the shower.

a scale.

he had forgotten that jungkook did weight training. it was probably his to keep track of that. or maybe it was hoseok's, since he was on a diet and all. it didn't matter. it shouldn't matter.

however, for some reason, he wanted to try it. knowing your weight couldn't hurt, right? it's just a number, anyways. besides, he was curious.

taehyung pulled the digital scale out and stepped on it, waiting patiently for the box to calculate his weight. it couldn't be too much. he was thin, after all.

looking down, his eyes widened.

78.1kg.

he blinked.

huh. so that's how much he weighed.

the last time taehyung had been properly weighed was his physical exam before freshman year. that was nearly a year ago. he was so thin, weighing in at 60.3 kg. since then, he'd gained roughly 17.8 kg.

wait a minute, that couldn't be right, could it? but he had a fast metabolism! not to mention, he's fairly active. well... sometimes. but he does do a lot of walking! something had to be wrong.

taehyung stepped off the scale, allowing it to level back to a clear screen. he then stepped back on.

78.1kg.

this didn't seem possible. maybe it's because of his clothes. maybe he needed to strip down to his underwear like when he had a checkup at the doctor's. quickly, taehyung peeled off his corduroy pants and baggy sweater, leaving him in his undies and tata-themed socks.

what? they were cute!

standing back on the digital scale, taehyung peered down at the number expectantly.

it was the same, the clothes only weighing a little.

maybe it was all the food he just ate, or maybe he had to use the toilet? but that doesn't explain all those kilos...

he placed himself back on the ground, dumbfounded. how did he manage to put on that much? that was like the freshman 15 (lbs) tripled!

taehyung sighed lowly, before turning to face the mirror.

in just his undies, and for the first time since freshman year, taehyung noticed his body.

his thighs were thick, clinging together like chunky glue. gentle stretch marks adorned the insides, which weren't new, seeing as he's always been a bit thicker than his peers growing up. however, they were more prominent. spinning around, he viewed his ass, which giggled almost lewdly with the slight movement. the plump, golden globes looked even plumper than they had. he had always had an ass, but now? he could probably play a pixar mom in a live-action film.

last, but certainly not least, his eyes settled on the most obvious change: his stomach. his tummy hung over the waistband of his underwear, extremely bloated and round from his big dinner and all the soda he drank. yet, despite being stuffed with pizza, it had softness to it. taehyung ran his hands over his belly, pinching the excess pudge. it wasn't too big, but it was noticable. more than noticable.

taehyung wasn't skinny anymore. he had gotten a bit chubby.

and, strangely enough, he didn't care. infact, he liked it.

taehyung knew he ate a lot of unhealthy foods, that was just who he was. why would he deny himself all the yummy things he liked to eat, just to maintain an "attractive" body? so what he wasn't slim like hoseok or muscular and shredded like jungkook? his body was perfectly fine. it did it's job, and that was the important thing.

above all things, taehyung was shameless. having gained weight didn't mean a thing to him. he was an artist, after all, not a model. his figure really didn't matter in the long run. he was still the same handsome guy, just with a little extra chub. and, honestly, he wondered what he'd look like with just a little bit more. just another layer of cream on his body. he's sure he'd like it, especially with how he reacted to having his tummy poked earlier by jungkook.

so, with the new information tucked in the back of his mind, taehyung dressed and left the small bathroom, making his way out of his sleeping friend's dorm. after double checking on jungkook and leaving the wastebasket beside his bed, just in case he woke up sick, the fluffy-haired boy exited the dorm and began his walk down the hallway, back to his own dorm.

after eating, taehyung usually felt sleepy, so it was no surprise to him that he found himself growing sluggish and drowsy as he strode back to his room. it was a pleasant feeling, really. he'd probably take a nice nap when he got back. maybe make some hot chocolate and catch up on some dramas. yeah, that sounded nice.

as he opened the door to his dorm, he was met with a flush of warmth and soft light. faint music played in the background, and a scent immediately met his nose as he stepped in. it smelled delightful. that could only mean one thing.

taehyung hadn't expected seokjin to be home so early. he wished he'd known; he'd like to have put more time into his appearance. welp, baggy sweater and messy-haired taehyung would have to do.

"ah, tae! you're home!" he heard seokjin call from the stove as he shucked off his loafers. he suddenly felt uncharacteristically shy, shifting his weight from his left foot to his right as seokjin walked up to him, all broad-shouldered and stupidly handsome. "how was your day?"

taehyung smiled as seokjin went in for a gentle hug, sinking into his warm embrace and inhaling his calming scent. seokjin was a real hugger, which taehyung appreciated because he, himself, was an absolute cuddle monster and jumped for any physical affection. it didn't help the butterflies in his stomach, however. he'd hope to just digest them already and move on from this silly crush.

"my day was a happy one, thank you," taehyung replied, nearly pouting as seokjin pulled away from the embrace. "how was your's, hyung?"

"better now that you're here." the elder smiled warmly, and taehyung felt his face heat up. seokjin always knew the right things to say to get his heart racing like mad. "come sit in the kitchen and keep me company while i cook?"

the younger nodded timidly, feeling pleasantly small next to his hyung. he followed him like a puppy to the dorm kitchenette, taking a seat at the small bar table.

"so," seokjin began, as he stirred a pot of glass noodles, keeping an eye on the vegetables and pork strips in the frying pan. he was making japchae, one of taehyung's favorite dishes. "have you eaten dinner yet?"

"oh, i ate pizza at jungkook and hoseok-hyung's place," he answered, hand going instinctively to his still-bloated tum, giving it a fond pat. "truth be told, i probably overate." he let out an uneasy chuckle in an attempt to distract himself from the warmth growing in his lower belly. what was happening to him?

seokjin waved him off.

"there's no such thing as overeating if it tastes good," he countered, and before taehyung could understand what was going on, a steaming plate of japchae was placed in front of him. it was a heaping serving, the small plate only making it look bigger. "here, have some of this."

taehyung flushed, gingerly sliding the plate away.

"um, i-i shouldn't, hyung," he stammered, hand still on his middle, almost defensively, as if he were guarding it. "thank you, but i'm still pretty stuffed."

seokjin chuckled deeply, full lips curled into a smirk. he pushed the dish back in front of him. taehyung gulped.

"taehyung-ah, i've seen you demolish three times this and more in one sitting. i'm not exactly convinced that 'stuffed' is in your vocabulary."

there it was. another comment about his eating habits. however, this time, instead of irritation, he felt something... else.

"jin-hyung, i-"

"you wouldn't let all my hard work go to waste, would you?" seokjin questioned, pouting. taehyung felt his heart jump. "i made this all just for you."

"well... alright. i'll have a bite or... two." taehyung finally spoke, unable to look his hyung in the eye. picking up the pair of chopsticks, he hesitantly began to eat.

it was delicious. of course it would be.

in all his time, taehyung had never met as good a cook as seokjin. not even his own mother --who could whip up a mean bibimbap like nobody's business-- could compare to his skills. the younger male couldn't even count on two hands how many times he's had his belly nearly bursting out of his pants from seokjin's cooking. whatever it was he was making, taehyung was sure to gorge himself to new heights every time; now was only proof of that. seokjin didn't seem to mind. infact, he encouraged it.

"taste good?" the elder quizzed, taking a seat in front of the eating boy and gazing at him fondly, if not a bit intently.

taehyung took a moment to finish chewing his mouthful and swallow. he grinned.

"amazing," he answered, licking his lips. "your cooking always is the best, hyung. it's, like, ethereal."

seokjin let out his iconic windshield wiper laugh, which only made his dongsaeng giggle.

"well, if it's good enough to pull out the 50 cent words for," be mused, leaning a tad closer. "then it's good enough to finish, yeah?"

taehyung's smile faded, as he peered up at the taller man wordlessly.

"you know i don't like leftovers, taehyung-ah. scrape your plate. clean."

he didn't have to tell taehyung twice. something about the subtle command in his tone --the sprinkle of dominance within the seemingly innocent words-- sparked a flame that licked into taehyung's belly.

he continued to eat, and before he could really process anything, his chopsticks clinked against an empty plate. instantly, a crimson heat spread over his face. it was as if he were a different person for a moment.

"all done?" seokjin questioned, taking the plate from the boy as he nodded sheepishly. "good job, tae-ah! you did so well!"

taehyung felt his pants become tighter at his elder's words of encouragement.

"feeling full?"

taehyung's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"i-" a burp interrupted him. he stayed quiet for a moment, hand covering his mouth, before he spoke up again. "excuse me, sorry."

he was blushing like mad. shameless taehyung who?

seokjin snorted. "guess that answers my question."

the slight teasing only increased the tightness of his pants, though he remained oblivious.

to say taehyung was full was a gross understatement. he'd passed the limitations for being full. he felt like if he moved even an inch he'd explode, literally. he looked 7 months pregnant.

"jin-hyung," he began with a taut hiccup, a slight whine to his voice. "i think... i think i ate too much."

and there it was, the rarer side of shameless taehyung. the one who needed affection after overdoing it, and wasn't afraid to beg for it.

"aw, you poor thing," his hyung cooed, helping the younger stand. his belly felt heavy and stuffed to the brim. "let's get you to the couch yeah? how's some hot chocolate sound? sound nice?"

taehyung nodded and hummed, blissed out from the tight fullness. he'd never felt this way from just eating before.

he took a seat on the couch as seokjin scurried off to make hot chocolate, and he used the opportunity to unbutton his pants. although he wasn't exactly too keen on being so unkempt in front of his love interest, his pants were digging into his bloated stomach something fierce. slowly, he undid the buttons and pulled down the zipper, freeing and allowing his tummy to rest atop. he sighed in relief, though it was short-lived when he noticed the slight bulge in his pants. well, that's new?

wait a minute--

oh fuck.

he frantically attempted to pull his sweater down to cover his lower region, but it was too snug around his plush middle to budge much. thankfully, it wasn't entirely noticable.

"here you go, taebear," seokjin said as he walked back into the small living room, two mugs of hot chocolate in his hand. one of them had tata all over it: you can guess whose it is. "careful, it's hot. let it cool before you drink it."

taehyung nodded bashfully in reply as the older of the two turned the tv on, switching the channel to some random drama taehyung had seen bits of but couldn't remember the name of. when jin sat down next to him, he immediately snuggled up to his side, head on his broad shoulder.

this. this was heaven right here.

seokjin smiled sweetly, arm wrapping around the younger. his fingers carded through taehyung's fluffy brown hair, earning a quiet sigh and pleased noises from the latter. taehyung's eyes fluttered shut as his scalp was scratched lightly.

soon enough, after finishing his hot chocolate, he felt himself grow drowsy. his belly felt warm and heavy, rising with every deep breath he took.

just as he had nearly dosed off, he felt something warm slip under his sweater and dance against his stomach. it felt like a hand.

he sighed. he must have been dreaming.

slowly, the palm of the hand traced over his swollen tummy, fingers ghosting over his navel. he all but purred at the feeling.

it began to rub circular motions onto the bloated skin with a gentle pressure, releasing a few soft burps from taehyung, who mewled at the lovely sensation. he began to fall deeper into slumber, the warm feeling being the last thing he could remember before he completely fell sound asleep.

when taehyung awoke, he was in his own room, in his own bed. he was under the blankets, glasses neatly placed on the bedside table. yawning, he looked around, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

had he been dreaming this whole time?

placing a hand on his middle, he was shocked to feel how bloated and round it was.

nope. it was all real.

and it felt completely, utterly, shamelessly good.

♡

☆

♡

"hey hobi-hyung, what's up?" taehyung spoke into the receiver of his phone after answering hoseok's call. he was currently working on an oil painting while munching on the oreos he'd bought at the campus snack venue on his way home.

"hey tae," he heard a strained voice answer. someone was in the background coughing. "could-" hoseok was cut off by what sounded like a particularly loud heave "ugh. could you do me a solid, tae. i'll pay you back, i promise."

and just like that, taehyung was on his way over to jungkook and hoseok's dorm. he'd debated bringing his painting with him, but eventually decided against the idea. he didn't want to make sick jungkook even sicker, nor did he want hoseok to complain about him stinking up the dorm with his paint.

the second he opened the door, hoseok rushed out.

"thanks a million, taehyung," he spoke frantically, clearly frazzled but trying to stay calm, though it was evident he was hanging on by a thread. "i hate to do this to you but you know how i am."

taehyung gave him a reassuring smile.

"hobi-hyung don't worry, it's alright! i don't mind!" he explained, placing a hand on his hyung's shoulder. "how's he doing?"

hoseok closed his eyes.

"ugh, he's just... ugh."

taehyung laughed and shook his head.

"aish, i told that dummy not to drink so much," he playfully face-palmed, giggling. "alright hyungie, head over to yoongi-hyung's. i'll take it from here."

hoseok sighed a breath of relief.

"you're a little saint, you know that, taetae?"

he pinched taehyung's full cheeks, kissing his forehead before rushing off. taehyung blushed and giggled to himself softly.

hoseok was really something else.

upon entering his friend's shared dorm and turning on the light, his eyes instantly landed on jungkook, who looked like he'd seen better days.

"taehyung?" he heard the younger croak from his bed, eyes squinted nearly shut. "shit, kill the lights will you, please?"

taehyung quickly flicked the switch off.

"oh, sorry kookie-ah," taehyung apologized, making his way in the dim room to the bed, where he sat.

"it's alright hyung, my head is just absolutely murdering me right now."

"feeling pretty bad, aren't we, bun?" taehyung murmured softly, rubbing the younger's back tenderly.

"god, 'm never fucking drinking again."

taehyung chuckled, shaking his head. he knew that was a lie; he'd probably be in the same position next weekend taking care of the hungover boy.

"okay, bun," he replied, fondly. "can i get you anything? painkillers, perhaps?"

jungkook shook his head, instantly wincing at the movement.

"no i already took some before you came." he answered. "could you just hold me for a bit, please?" his doe eyes found taehyung's gaze in the dark.

the elder boy swallowed back an 'awwww' as he laid down on the bed, taking the sick boy into his arms. he ran his fingers through the younger's silky, black hair. jungkook sighed.

"thanks, hyungie." jungkook mumbled into taehyung's warm chest. "you're the best."

a soft smile melted onto taehyung's lips. the two boys sat in a quiet trance for a while, the only sound being breathing and the hum of the ac. after some time had passed, jungkook broke the silence.

"um, hyungie?"

"what is it, bun?" taehyung replied, looking down at the boy.

"i-i um..." he began, stuttering from what taehyung assumed was nervousness. his stutter always worsened when he was nervous, the elder noticed. "i'm s-s-sorry about what i said yesterday."

taehyung haulted his movements, cocking a brow in confusion.

"what are you talking about, jungkook?"

"yes'therday," he paused to grimace at his lisp, before going on, "with hobi-hyung and yoongi-hyung." jungkook responded anxiously. "i-i shouldn't have c-commented on your body or how much you eat like that. if someone had made a comment about m-m-my stutter or lisp, i'd have been sad. it wasn't cool of me to point out an insecurity like that. i'm- i'm sorry." his voice broke a tad at the last part, though taehyung nearly didn't catch it.

taehyung blinked, taking a moment to process his dongsaeng's confession.

"okay, kookie, three things," taehyung replied after some thought, returning to stroking the boy's hair. "one: it's alright, don't worry about it. i'm definitely not upset with you, honey. two: your stutter and lisp are perfectly fine. they make you unique, make you you, so don't be embarrassed about how you talk, and don't take shit from absolutely anyone about it. got it?"

jungkook nodded, eyes still glassy.

taehyung smiled and continued.

"and three: what makes you think i'm insecure about my body?"

jungkook froze for a moment, clearly trying to conjure up an answer that wouldn't hurt his hyung's feelings.

"um..."

"is it because i'm chubby?"

jungkook didn't say anything, causing taehyung to sigh audibly.

"i have no reason to be insecure about my body, you know, jungkook?" taehyung calmly retorted, not in a mean or scolding manner, but in a blunt one. "i love my body. my tummy's job is to digest the food i eat and convert it to energy. that's it, and he's doing a pretty good job at it. so, therefore, i have no real reason to be insecure, and i'm not. a little tummy fat never hurt anyone."

jungkook looked up to gaze at his hyung.

"so, it didn't hurt your feelings when i t-touched your belly, then?" he asked, voice still slightly broken. taehyung wiped the stray tears from his dongsaeng's cheeks.

"of course not, kookie-ah," the older boy reassured, lips spreading into a grin. "in fact... i liked it."

jungkook went stiff.

"u-um... i-i'm flattered, hyung, i really am... b-but i like girls..."

taehyung let out a deep, rumbly laugh.

"don't be silly, bun!" he teased, still chuckling. "i wasn't talking about you! i wouldn't date your lame ass anyways, even if you did like guys!"

this earned him a playful slap.

"but you did... like it?" jungkook questioned after a comfortable silence.

taehyung nodded a bit stiffly.

"yeah, i... i guess i did." he admitted. "to be honest... i wouldn't mind if seokjin touched m- woah! sorry about the tmi! literally forget i said that, please. like, erase it from your memory."

taehyung flushed in embarrassment as jungkook burst out laughing.

"yah, don't make fun of me! i'll kick your ass you little shit!"

despite the teasing, taehyung definitely wouldn't mind if seokjin touched his belly. infact, he'd fucking love it.

and, well... this all was... new. he'd like to explore this more in the future.

however, little did taehyung know, he wasn't the only one with a bit of experimentation in mind.

♡

☆

♡

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

hi!! hope you enjoyed this!! maybe a part 2?? please let me know what you think!! love you!!

~ jelly ૮ᴖﻌᴖა

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

[ofmythsandmadness]

to be called beautiful | d.h.

❛ do you ever miss, having someone around to love you?❜

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

SUMMARY: vigilantes!au. you push the boundaries of your relationship, and ask for a wish you know won't be given back. (or — it's late, and after another night of patrol, loneliness sets in deep.) WARNINGS: slightly nsfw??? mentions to sex, no descriptions. it's not a sexual story, just a part of an inner monologue. WORD COUNT: 2.6k+ NOTES: reposting this in hopes it shows up this time (pls pls pls i'm gonna cry). i've been writing a whole other series that is a totally different writing style, but i've been trying to work out my emotions in small, focused pieces like this one when i can't focus. i might develop this into a small ficlit series of it's own, bc i think it's kinda fun — but we'll see how this goes.

THE BEAST THAT IS YOUR LONELINESS has been your burden for too long to say.

It's hold on you is a familiar ache, one you've felt for years, like a chronic tight tugging on your heart that refuses to give in no matter what you try. But you still refuse to name it for fear of coming to terms with the implications of it all. That you're really alone in this life and you're terrified of what that means and the fact that you can't have what your childhood stories promised would be yours.

Like the fool you are, you cling to the idea that it's just passing notions. You'll get over it one day. The flitting daydreams of a fairytale romance better fit for a vanilla Hallmark flick suck, but one day they won't hurt so bad. You'll numb and find a way to fill the void. And you try, you really do, pushing it down for the quick release of meaningless acts and walks of shames and cold bedsheets.

Sex is a toxic friend. You choose it's pull when your heart aches most and the loneliness begs for your breath to the point where every gasp of air is a privilege, not the bare minimum. It's not what you crave. There's no romance, no love. It's a trade and one that always leaves you feeling robbed of something you're not sure you ever even had.

You rarely remember their names. You know they probably won't remember yours. And why would they? The shudders, the whimpers, the cold moans that amount to nothing but crumbs of a supposedly passionate act only pass an hour, then they're gone. Or you're gone, if you're lonely enough to risk it. A bit of fun, a breath of pink and white and the feeling of someone pulling you closer, begging for your skin against theirs.

And then, it's all grey again. And you're alone at your apartment, washing your body free of the marks some stranger dared to press into your wilting skin, wondering what it would feel like for a lover to kiss you that same way. Running your fingers over every inch that has been caressed by so many faceless guests, trying to hold yourself in the way your foolish heart pounds for. But it's never enough. Your hands don't cup your flesh, don't mould and kiss and promise the carefully knitted lies any lover had dealt you in the past. And you're as cold as ever when they fall back to your sides. Nothing enflames your skin like you wishes it could — like those you wish would.

It's a discontent you live with. Just as you're sure millions of others do. That's what life is; you push yourself through the day, through your mundane day job and your taxing nighttime hobbies (because you sure as hell can't claim what you do as real work if your only pay is in blood and tears). You cling to the good times that happened too long ago to remember clearly, and make the moments that you're alone with your thoughts as small as possible.

But there's no time to consider all that now.

You scrunch your face up as tight as you can, squeezing your eyes shut to the point where you see stars, exploding like confetti in some absurd black void that hides behind your lids. For a moment you hold the pose, watching the stars erupt, until the position hurts too much and you have to release.

Surroundings blur and then clear as your eyes readjust from their disassociation. You stare blearily at the random coffee shop you and your 'associate' chose for the night. It's just as generic as the last five visited, a thousand shades of brown and red and weary smiles the bored baristas wear just for a cheap check that'll barely cover their asses. It's worn and empty; no one's hear except the two of you and the workers who probably hate you for being here so late.

Normally, you would feel like an asshole staying so late. But you can't bring yourself to move, or even suggest to. It's all too heavy. And even if it's in brooding silence, you don't want to leave your partner. Not yet, you beg the universe, just a few more minutes.

And, speaking of—

"What's got you so blue today?"

You blink. Look over to him, only to see him already watching you.

There's really no point lying. He always unravels you too quickly, too easily — it's the detective in him, unravelling anyone and scooping their truths from shivering flesh. Some sort of childhood trauma response he developed into another super power.

You used to hate it. Now...if you concentrate hard enough, his sharp gaze feels like one of a lover's.

"Don't know what you mean," you tell him, foolish and flustered. "I'm just fine."

"Bullshit. You've sighed a dozen times in the last five minutes."

"Tch. No I haven't."

"Did too!"

His teeth glint, white and clashing against the full pink of his lips. You wish you could denounce all the times you wondered what it would feel like to have them graze against your keening skin — but not even all the gods could cleanse of you of those thoughts. Those desperate, pleading, melancholic memories stain; he can't see them, but you do when you look close enough. And you can't escape it, much as you try.

"Seriously, though. What's up with you?"

Your gaze falls down to your hands, eager to escape his allure, though it's not a great distraction. It only makes you more bitter, really, taking in all the flaws that litter your weaponised limbs. They're calloused from a million fights. Your knuckles are scarred, aching from wounds you reopen every other night. A thousand scars from a thousand scrapes, cuts, slashes and grazes linger on once perfect skin. You don't know how many there are, anymore, only that you wish you could wipe them off. Start over, have a clean slate. Erase all your mistakes and be beautiful again.

"I'm just tired," you lie. It's tense and pitiful; you know you've screwed it up the second the words leave your lips. "S'all."

"Ri-i-ight, and I'm the goddamn queen of England."

The absurdity of his retort makes your lips twitch. It's not enough for a smile, your self-inflicted misery makes sure of that, but it's a seed of something. "Wow. Didn't know I was in the presence of royalty."

"Yeah, yeah. Shut it."

"My apologies, your highness."

"Shut up, you little shit," he grumbles, but it's as soft as you get from him. It's practically a cry of love — or your foolish mind paints it as such. You take his teasing insults as promises of adorations and his arguments are poems of lust and infatuation that tug on your heartstrings in ways you know they shouldn't.

You're partners, for crying out loud. Professional coworkers (if you call the bloody mess you two create work). You don't get to miss him, or crave him, or love him like you do.

"Something happen to you?"

You watch his own hands fold and unfold on the table. The long, delicate fingers stand out on a man like him; someone who paints himself in only sharp angles and cutting lines. But you think they match him well. They promise life. Bleed hope, even in the raised scars that lace his skin like your own. You've watched those fingers grip a blade, launch it into flesh, pull and push and dig and rip and take and committed acts of atrocity most people would run from. You know he probably thinks of his hands the same way you do. But you think they're beautiful.

"Nah. It's...it's nothing. Really."

You can't see his face, but you imagine his narrowed eyes and furrowed brows asking for an answer you're just not willing to give. "C'mon, just tell me. Can't be that bad."

Your body laughs. You hear it from some place far away. It's cold and hoarse; you wonder how long it's been since you've heard a genuine laugh from yourself. You wonder if he notices (and wishes he did, foolishly, frivolously...).

It's probably stupid, but you go for it.

"You ever miss having someone?"

Something creaks; his chair, groaning as he shifts his weight. One of his fingers taps against his empty coffee cup; idle music for a restless soul.

"Like, in what way?"

"I..." Your nails dig into your palms. This was a mistake, but one you have to follow through with. He won't accept silence after something like that. "In the cheesy, domestic sorta way? That whole, havin' someone to come home to, someone who you can talk to, someone who..." the words stick like molasses in the back of your throat. Try as you do, they refuse to give themselves to him, so you have to substitute. "Just, someone who likes you, past your body or, or whatever."

"Oh."

"Sorry." It's your turn to shift in your seat, awkwardly searching for something to occupy yourself with as this uncomfortable energy you've created carries on. But your cup's empty, and you don't have the cash to ask for another overpriced latte. "Forget about it. Let's talk about somethin' else, yeah?"

He doesn't answer that. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all for a moment, long enough to make you wonder if you've just crossed the line of no return. You can't bring yourself to look at him, hell your cowardice is painful enough to make you wonder if you should just make a run for it, say au revoir! to the bond you've built with this knife-obsessed robin hood and crush your heart forever.

It's tempting, and you consider it, but then he fills the silence.

"I miss Eudora sometimes."

Finally, your gaze tilts up. Your eyes meet his lips. He's not smiling anymore.

You guys don't talk about exes together. It's a forbidden topic, same as family or childhoods or the number of people that have cut you open and bled you dry for fun. It's too personal, and in this line of work, personal doesn't fly. But you know Eudora Patch, because this line of work requires a couple run ins with people like her, and because your partner in crime has never learned how to stop his emotions from bleeding into his expression.

"Not because I still love her, but y'know..." his fingers wave aimlessly. "It was nice, when it worked. I liked having someone to sleep with. In a non-sexual manner." His lip curls a little. "Guess the sex part was nice too, though."

You nod. "Yeah, I get that. It's...it was nice, having someone who knew you. Who wanted to make you feel good, not just for themselves but 'cause that sort of things matters."

"Mm."

"Y'ever consider pursuing that sort of thing?"

He shakes his head. His adamancy is a truck smashing into your heart — though you know you should have expected no less, it still hurts. "I can't. It never works, with people like us. Y'know?"

"Yeah. Makes sense." You want to say more. You probably should say more — but you doubt he wants to hear your woes about intimacy, and the pathetic ways you crave affection you probably don't deserve. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Hm?"

His brows knot. "Why're you asking? Someone do somethin'?"

"What? No."

"Cause, like, if someone's hurt you, I'll—"

"I'm fine," you promise, and without thinking, you reach across the table to pat his hand. To reassure him like one would a lover. But just before your fingers meet his, the bitter reminder that he's not yours sets in and you draw back. Your hand falls a couple inches from his own. "And I can take care of myself, if I wasn't. Don't worry."

He chuckles mirthlessly. "Y'sure about that? You're still the dumbass that tripped over her own feet twice walking down an empty sidewalk, and—"

"—oh, you are such an asshole, why can't you just—"

"—so if you need someone to cut a bitch, I'm available."

You soften slightly. Try to smile, even if it's a false promise and probably hangs like a broken door on mismatched hinges. "I appreciate that. But I'm okay. Think I'm just tired, and a little lonely."

"What, I'm not good enough for you anymore?"

Bitterness seeps onto your tongue; it speaks before you can shut your lips around it. "You're fine as a partner against crime. But you're not anything otherwise, are you?" It feels like a taunt. You hadn't meant it to be — though, maybe you had.

If he takes your jeer poorly, though, it doesn't show on his face. He's still smiling and watching you, eyes simmering with a joke you wish you were in on.

"It doesn't matter though. Having someone's too complicated, 'specially for fools like us. Sometimes it's just..." you don't have a good answer. Not one he'd want to hear, anyways. "I just miss it sometimes. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to, or eat breakfast with in the mornings."

He nods slowly. "Yeah. Was nice, having another body around."

"Yeah. Ha. I," you stutter out a chuckle. Tug at your lip, nibbling at the cracked skin that comes with your long nights. "No one prepares you for how lonely adulthood is. Like, I'm half tempted to make friends with the takeout guys, just so I have a friend at all."

"We're friends."

"You know what I mean," you mumble, swallowing the bitter 'are we?' that almost makes its way off your tongue. "It was just nice when I had the time, to have a person around. Someone to like, hold hands with, or-or call me beautiful, sometimes. I-I can't remember the last time called me that, any..."

Fuck.

You hadn't meant for that last confession.

He wasn't supposed to hear that. It's too personal, too personal, too fucking personal for someone you don't even know.

Everything trembles; you're shaking like an avalanche, ready to sweep it all away under some snow drift. Never to be seen again. But you can't do that, there's no taking back the way your voice cracked as it reaches it's last word, and how your hand slips into a fist, ready to charge even though there's no punching your way out of this fumble.

You crack. Stumble out of your seat. Before he can talk you're moving, throwing a couple bills (too many for your poor wallet, you'll pay for that later) down and mumbling something about heading home. Your head's spinning and you just want to sit down again, pretend like this never happened and ask about some meaningless moment in a meaningless day that you wish could be yours and his, not just—

"—text me when you're goin' out again," you say, high and nervous. "I'll be around."

You turn.

"You don't have to leave."

"I got work tomorrow. Early."

"Thought you had the day off?"

Fuck, la deuxième acte. "Taking a shift for someone."

"Oh." He doesn't believe you. He would be a fool to. But he agrees anyways. "Okay."

"See ya, Kraken."

He doesn't answer you back. It's probably better that way.

BONUS

Many hours later, you're in bed, finally dozing off. You've rinsed off the filth of the night and resigned yourself to a barely adequate rest alone, too tired to consider what usually makes your mind race. It's been a long day; let future you contemplate all the ways you've screwed up.

Just as you're about to fall asleep, however, there's a small ping! that immediately wakes you up A notification sound reserved for only one person.

You groan but still roll over. Your heart may be a humiliated, burning mess, but it still beats for him, much as you've tried to stifle it.

kraken // 2:36 am. you available at 11p tomorrow?

kraken // 2:37 am. got word somethin going down at east docks, wanna check it out before it gets bad.

Relief is a sweet blessing. You exhale and smile into the darkness. He's still a professional, even if you seem unable to understand what that means.

you // 2:40 am. for sure. meet me at my place whenever and we can prep.

You leave it at that. Whatever he has to say after that, cannot be too important to waste your precious hours of sleep. So you roll over and shut your eyes and let yourself forget about the empty space that fills your place.

It's a decision you regret the next morning, when you wake up and realise what you missed.

kraken // 3:31 am. you ever get lonely for someone, feel free to let me know.

kraken // 3:32 am. might not make a great boyfriend, but i'll eat breakfast with you. so long as you're cooking.

A/N - I had a whole idea for two tired vigilantes (like what Diego does in season one, but partnered up) who both are really lonely and tired of life and all it's shit, and rely on each other more than they'll ever admit, and...I'll probably never write it, but this was a fun bit of that. two lonely emotionally deprived assholes who can't accept that maybe they can be loved and the person who wants to is right in front of them. :)