#love all the dehumanization of someone so desperate to be human. go on make him feel even more alien im HERE FOR IT. IM EATING THIS SHIT UP

[1punch]

do you guys remember when Saitama was City Z's local cryptic horror becuz he kept leaving drastic destruction behind after killing monsters and no one knew anything abt him

[alastors-antlers]

Why Alastor is good aroace rep after all, written by an aroace

Hello all! I just want to start off this post by saying that I'm one person who definitely doesn't speak for all aroaces, but I wanted to make a post on this anyway, and maybe some folk would be interested in hearing out another perspective?

I'm not really caught up on everything that's been said over the course of HH's creation - only more recent interviews, since I'm pretty new to the fandom. Apologies if I've missed anything, but also I do not have the time to keep up with all the out-of-canon-material backstory unfortunately. I'm working with what we've got here.

So here's the thing:

Alastor is cruel, he's narcissistic, he doesn't care about anyone except himself, he's a serial killer and a monster.

(That's the argument I've heard - please tell me if that's not really what people are going for lol, in which case I've totally misunderstood?)

The issue with aroace rep when it paints asexual people with those traits is that it aims to dehumanizes them. Sex and love are essential to the human experience, right? So why wouldn't someone be interested? Because they're self-absorbed, and cold, and detached. They don't have the capacity to love others enough to feel romance.

And sure, Alastor is a killer, and a schemer, and prideful, and a monster by hell's standards. But no matter how above it all and stylish and in control and provocative he wants to be, he's a very human character, and his aroace-ness never serves to add to his alienation. You could even say that it makes him seem even more personable.

That's what I think is the key difference.

why he's human

Alastor's whole persona is about control, and he basically straight-up says this. He's controlling what his enemies know, what his public image is like. His goal is to be the Radio Demon -- overlord of Hell, charismatic, Machiavellian, and undefeatable. He's not. Despite that smile plastered over his face (a powerful tool, huh) he's so expressive for someone who's constantly pretending.

You see his exasperation with the Egg Bois and with Charlie's ranting; his nervousness in front of Zestial; his frustration with Lucifer and the petty lengths he goes to to piss off the ruler of Hell.

You see his desperation, making that deal with Charlie. He's surprised by the idea of being vulnerable in front of an enemy like Adam, and so close to danger. He drops the radio filter and the affect out of fear, and runs on broadcast TV to let out panic and anger and bitterness in his hideout, where no one else can see him.

He has a smile that tells us he's genuinely happy to see someone; it's a little wider than his default. You see it with Mimzy's greeting, you see it with Rosie. Rosie, especially, serves to make Alastor more human to the audience. More on this later, but for now, I'm just saying that you can see that he at least seems to respect her greatly. Whatever bond they have, we know that he trusts her to touch him, to share history with him, and with support that he trusts no one else for.

He pretends, but he can't pretend it all away. Loads of these emotions aren't even advantageous for him to show. It isn't necessarily how the typical asexual psychopath acts; he's not emotionless or only capable of anger or brutality.

He's so full of emotion that it leaks through, despite all that he does to avoid it. He's not inhuman and aloof, not really - he's so, so human, even when he tries not to be because he thinks that'll be what keeps him above all the rest. In control, and free from his chains.

(If anyone wants to see images about all this, I'll make a separate post - just let me know.)

(I also have another post, talking about why Alastor is at least a little attached to the hotel's residents too, shown via conversation with Niffty. In what way? different question.)

how the aroace part contributes to that

Now, to be fair, we don't hear much about his aroaceness in canon. It's just not relevant a lot of the time.

In the pilot, Angel's proposition ruffles his feathers so much that Alastor blanks for a moment. It's a joke, sure, but that ace panic face is a pretty popular Alastor moment in the fandom - Alastor, thrown off-balance by a sex joke of all things, after so many years in Hell that he should probably be used to this.

It's a moment that makes him more approachable; his aroaceness shows him unprepared for something someone else does for one of the only real moments in the whole episode.

And the other part: the ace in the hole statement.

Rosie apparently knows Alastor so well that she read that he's aroace. That tells us about their relationship; namely, that it is long-standing and genuine enough that she gleaned a piece of real information from him. It's a casual fact that she knows about him before he even figured it out himself. It lends legitimacy to their bond - this bond that shows us a more comfortable and warm side of Alastor that we don't often see.

If their relationship is purely business, isn't this something pretty frivolous and personal? It's not like he has anything to gain by telling her about his life, but she learned about it somehow. How close are they? That's where it adds a layer of complexity and personality to his character..

thoughts on representation

Overall, Alastor's an interesting character who has a level of depth and care and personality (outside of cruelty) that asexual psychopath tropes lack. Again, the moments where he's being represented as disinterested in sex or romance don't make him seem detached. Again, they don't say "look how hostile toward relationships his behaviour is - how separate he is from our humanity". That's what bad villain ace rep is. That's not what the show's doing.

Also: I'm not saying that we need to lower our standards or anything, but even if you think it's not the best rep, I feel like we should be supporting HH's efforts here. I know that on Tumblr we have a pretty queer-friendly space going, which is honestly an understatement lol but

Aces are incredibly underrepresented in fiction. There's a whole Wikipedia page about asexual characters in media, and it's short as all hell, and even if you consider what's on there you see quite a number of one-off characters who are never mentioned again.

In terms of real life business - before the DSM updated their definition of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in 2013, identifying as asexual wasn't even a recognized thing. If you talked to a clinician about your lack of sexual desire, you could be diagnosed with a disorder. Only in the 5th edition do we now have a little exclusion footnote about it.

The concept of asexuality hasn't been explored nearly as much as other queer identities in our scientific research. We get crumbs in terms of mainstream representation and understanding. House M.D. has an episode where House "disproves" us because he's just so smart.

Alastor isn't going to be perfect representation. There's no such thing as perfect representation, and from the moment he was conceptualized, you could see how people would take him poorly. Still, I think he's a net positive.

He isn't a side character or a token ace - he's a core part of the show, whose personality and character motivations we can reasonably presume are going to be explored much more deeply in upcoming season(s). He's loved by the fandom. Right now, given what we know, I trust Vivziepop to write the aroace representation he deserves, because with the way I've heard the cast/directing/etc. talk about him, they're trying to do the aroace community justice, so I wish people would let up just a little on the whole "Alastor is bad rep".

Let's give him a chance, all right?

[shmlnbstrcnd]

How AOT's main trio set Ymir free

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa all taught the Founder Ymir valuable lessons, and were instrumental in setting her free. All three of them caught Ymir's attention and she made the effort to reach out to them personally in different ways, observe them, learn from them.

First Eren reached her in the Paths and told her that she's her own person, and can choose what SHE wants rather than follow orders. This was the first time in her long, miserable life, that someone called her a human being. The first time in 2000 years (that would have felt even longer in the Paths, closer to millions of years), that she was told what happened to her was wrong. In her life, she had spent her whole life as a dehumanized slave without any acknowledgement of her own humanity. Eren opened her eyes (literally) to the injustice of her situation and taught her autonomy.

Then Armin arrived to fight Eren, and Ymir watched his every movement closely, even stealing him into the Paths with the Okapi and trapping him there. She watched his conversation with Zeke where he shared that the meaning of life is in appreciating the little moments and the love you already have rather than chasing an unattainable dream. In her life, she longed for an unattainable love/validation from King Fritz who was incapable of giving it to her, since he's a monstrous psychopath. She lived and died yearning for something she would never receive, rather than living for what she had (her daughters). Armin taught her the true meaning of life.

Lastly, Mikasa. From the moment Ymir noticed Mikasa's love for Eren, she was intrigued. She began to peak through Mikasa's lifetime memories, causing her headaches. Then Mikasa killed Eren despite loving him, knowing it's the right thing to do and proving she's not a slave. Ymir herself couldn't do this in her own life, instead choosing to die for the monster she loved, instead of killing him. Mikasa taught her that love does not equal submission.

In the end, all three of the main trio were instrumental in setting Ymir free. In her last appearance, Ymir had a vision of what she wished she had done, what she WOULD have done had she received these three lessons earlier in her life. She would have protected her beloved daughters, the truly important and precious things in her life, rather than being a slave to the abusive king. If she were given another chance, she would have let him die.

In the end, Ymir's deepest most primal desire was a pure and loving human connection, some semblance of tenderness and care, something she was so deprived of. This desire was so strong that it bled into every single Eldian, connecting them all to Ymir through the Paths. One lonely, abused little girl's desperate need to be loved, enveloping every one of her subjects, binding them all to her in an all-consuming web. She has always been desperately reaching out to other people.

In her ill young mind she mistook the king's sick """rewards""" as that love she craved. Eren made her realize "what he did to me was wrong and I have a right to my anger", Armin made her realize "I shouldn't have waited for love from him that would've never come and instead cherished the love of my children", Mikasa made her realize "I should have let him die/killed him myself". Acknowledging all this and making peace with her tragic life and the decisions she made, allowed her to let go. She finally moved on, and in this moment, she appeared not as an immature child, like she did throughout the Rumbling, but now as a grown adult woman.

Ymir's story in the finale is essentially a coming-of-age story from the perspective of a mentally ill, dehumanized slave. She starts the finale as someone with arrested development lashing out at the world, and ends it as an adult at peace with herself. Eren invited her to indulge in her rage. Armin helped her consider what was truly important. Mikasa healed her and allowed her to let go. All three protagonists were valuable and influential in freeing Ymir.

[silentmouthpiece]

I hate to say it, but i might as well.

It would be so easy to become a Jimmy. Hell, there are Jimmy's everywhere, but no one wants to admit or even realize that it would be easy to be just like them.

A problem we have as a people is that as soon as someone commits a horrible or unforgivable act we dehumanize them call them monsters. I'm guilty of it as well. It makes it easier to separate them from us, to believe that no real human could commit such acts. The thing is...they are human. They are like us and we are like them.

Jimmy is human. A severely fucked up one who's gone unchecked to the point of catastrophe, but he's human like us. He sounds and acts like a human, and his actions are very fucking human. His issues that spiraled so out of control are so very human that when I look at them in a certain way I see my reflection in the mirror. I see Jimmy in the ways some people walk and how they talk, but no one ever wants to see Jimmy within themselves. I wish I could say I'm nothing like Jimmy, but I can see all the ways I'd turn out like him if just a few things were different.

If I were a man, would I have absord the toxic masculinity of the fathers and guy friends in my life and all that entails? If I was less empathetic, would I let my resentment at the state of my life control me to the point I can only see the worst in others instead of force myself to maintain a sliver of compassion and optimism? If I wasn't desperate to be self-aware, would my crippling fear of failure and lack of self-worth blind me to the reality that I allowed them to hollow me out and leave me with nothing to be proud of? If a younger me didn't convince myself that I can only punish myself for anything that happens, would I have turned my anger and listlessness into a blade that cuts others instead of turn it inwards or share it with my friends? Would I inflict pain on others once I realized I could fullfil a need by doing so? I could go on.

I am also ashamed to admit that one of my knee-jerk reactions to hurting someone badly (albiet unintentionally) or realizing I was increadibly wrong about something is denial. It doesn't last forever but I will obsess over it for a long time afterwards. It's a nasty feeling and it's an instinct that literally feels like a chain yanking my brain to follow it. Primal fear feels like that as well, and it rears it's ugly head when I'm faced with confronted with reality and consequences of my actions.

I want to go back to college, but whenever my mother brings it up I get locked into a state of primal fear, insecurity and hopelessness because I crafted a reality where I have no skills, goals or ability to pursue a higher education or a life that suits me. Confronting that reality sends me spiraling down a very strong wave of depression that often debilitates me, though I've gotten better at climbing out of it so I can at least focus on my job. It still feels like I'm being compelled to enforce that reality, and that instinct overrides all better senses. It's an unchecked issue that controls my actions.

When I talk to my friends all I can see is that they have something they're skilled at or passionate about, and that they're doing what I told myself I can't. I never thought I was a jealous or envious person, but I think that's because I never resented anyone for what they had. However, I see so many instances and depictions of resentful and malicous envy/jealousy that I know they are typically linked. In a world that's more competitive than I ever was, these emotions drive people to harm each other all the time for any reason one could think of. The worst part is those people can also happen to be friends and family who love each other deep down. It's so damn common that it must be human.

I don't understand the need to force myself on anyone for pleasure or control, so I can't relate or speak on that. It's happened often enough that others can speak on it and that's terrifying, and what I see is so beyond my ability to comprehend as an actual thought process or mentality but it's still very real and human. Animals do it to and humans are animals, but we're not talking about that. I suppose the closest I can get is the callousness I can feel sometimes when I'm absolutely out of patience with someone.

All that to say is... I think I get Jimmy and his inability to accept responsibility and the cognitive dissonance of wanting to be seen as good and capable as he destroys everything and everyone he touches. I get his resentment and jealousy of Curly and that it's so tied deeply with his love for him that it twists into something noxious and all-consuming. I get how his warped perception of others didn't stop him from caring for others (mostly the guys), but it affected how and how much he cares for them. I get the casual cruelty he can dish out and I understand being locked in the worst mental autopilot to avoid the fallout of your reality that you made because couldn't accept yourself.

I hope that all made sense. Jimmy really got me thinking.

[kitsunefyuu]

Headcanon for AFO - @psychomurderz

I also agree that he seems like someone that grew up too young likely as a result of caring for his little brother. As well as the climate during the Dawn of Quirks so there weren't any other families as even he mentioned as such in the flashback.

The comics he read with his little brother was likely an escape from reality thus why he clung to them. Until he realized his favorite character wasn't going to live. As likely he considered himself the 'badguy' before even becoming bad. Living in such an environment is likely to create someone with a more black-and-white view.

Also it one of those things where you never learn to rely on others or ask for help either. Which is likely why everyone at arm's length as never learned to be genuinely help.

However, like you I believe he wanted to do GOOD. So to speak considering the environment he likely was seeking control as a way to help. To protect himself and his only family was his first priority but his followers, while second, he did also want to protect. As it seems they genuinely adore him so I feel he does show something like genuine care.

But the reality is cruel. It isn't like the comics where 'heroes' and 'good intentions' win out. People will die, people will betray him, and the more failures the more he hardens himself. Just a bit more, just a little more and he will come out on top.

While his little brother can only see that this whole organization is TWISTING the brother he cared about. Or maybe he was always this twisted. The smiles his brother had weren't genuine but his brother was obsessed with his idea. He refused to stop but instead got paranoid of his brother's well-being.

Leading to him shutting his brother into a vault, literally! In his mind it likely because he thinks he can fix their relationship after. That everything would be ok as long as doesn't get emotional about it.

Then his brother escapes... Then he dies but not just die. It is very much his own fault and likely it is what killed most of his humanity.

Like his soul had just been scooped out just running on autopilot toward a goal that likely felt hollow. Pursuing the quirk, the only remaining piece of his little brother. Even if likely didn't fully understand about vestige it all he got.

This man feels like he basically lived as a corpse likely the doctor's research helped him keep going but might have wanted to quit. 200-years is a long time for someone who is in fact human. He wished to be dehumanized, to be seen as a monster, because then they won't attack the things he cares about. Then he become a real one when had nothing.

...Which makes the DFO theory if it is true, be something he hadn't expected to occur. In Izuku's name, he was called the long-awaited son just like Hisashi's name is a long time ago. Likely it was started with evil intentions if Inko a Shimura, he likely thought he could bail-

Only to realize no. He can't just give them up and that likely is terrifying as well as joyful. For a man who had thought he lost his humanity, that all he wanted was his brother's quirk and world domination. NOW there is a purpose beyond that.

And it's why he got Tomura and became active. And the hatred he feels for All Might only growing.

He's a lost, delusional, and unhappy man. Who is seeking his own happiness desperately but at the same time blind to it. Instead causing more harm and pain even to loved ones because is too selfish to give up anything.

And I'm excited to learn more about this man.

[oigimi]

can’t sleep so i’m gonna write a rant defending arthur

I think that first and foremost it’s important to establish that Arthur canonically suffers from PTSD due to his time in war as a medic, and this impacts his behavior massively. Arthur’s playboy personality directly ties into his coping strategies with the fact that he’s seen countless people die, and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to save them all, but he desperately wanted to, and internalized the fact that people died in his care. He genuinely believes he is a person unworthy of love and affection like everyone else, so he puts up a smokescreen of a womanizing flirt to numb himself to the trauma he gained from his lifetime as a human. He is persistent in this, and in the game it’s clear that’s how he wants to present himself, as a way to separate himself mentally from everything he’s been through. He’s not gonna let his guard down easily with it, and I feel like understanding his facade is essential to his character.

He doesn’t dehumanize women. He’s very fond of them, and the “pretty skirt” idea he puts out is, once again, his facade he hopes to convince himself and everyone around him of. If Arthur puts himself out as a “rotten cad” (I believe those are his words), he can make himself believe he genuinely is that way, and doesn’t deserve genuine connections or love. Yes, sexual validation is how he earns his kicks pre-route, but honestly it’s not uncommon for trauma victims to act out in ways that seem irrational or erratic to cope. As someone with a cluster B personality disorder it’s honestly disheartening to see a response like that very commonly seen in the real world (especially in women) be chalked up to him “choosing to be a whore.” Becoming very sexual to cope with trauma is a very real thing and I don’t think that particular aspect should be held against him.

As for the bite early on in his route, I’m not gonna defend him on that, but neither is the narrative for the most part. Aside from the fact cybird for some reason chose that event to explain vampire bites’ aphrodisiac, Arthur is very much punished by the characters in the story, himself included for going against MC’s wishes, and his route largely is him respecting the boundaries laid out for him, paying his restitution, and earning his place in MC’s heart the real way by the end. He admits guilt and wrongdoing several times, to himself, to others, and to MC. I genuinely think looking at his whole arc is important here.

I’m not gonna force anyone to like Arthur, and if you genuinely just don’t like him for his attitude he puts out that’s fine, but I just wanted to get my rant out there as a little crazy boy who’s had him in my brain for 2 years now <3 peace and love ok bye

[ccycloneblogging]

Okay one- the funny switch did a thing and that last ask was Anonymous without me realizing (for it was I, REALM who asks about the napper crushing someone with an anvil!)- anyways here is my OC William!

There is an alt image but I won't post that here-

William is one of the Orphans (surprise! you get a human! One full of so much trauma!)- and knows a lot about what is happening inside of the factory... and I mean a LOT. The experiments, the working conditions, and where he fits into all that... that he could be killed at any moment and turned into a-... well actually not that last part. I'm not exactly sure what they did to the kids in your AU- but he would know about it!

This had lead to two things- 1) He desperately wants out and have been slowly building a plan to do so and 2) he is slightly (read very) going insane from what he knows. There is a lot more, so if you interested you can look here and here for more information about him!

Now unlike if he was is other AU's centered around the Factory... I'm not sure if he would have a worst time or better time.

On one hand, the Monsters are toons... and maybe not made with kids and not involved in the trauma and he can maybe be okay and not have to constantly avoiding getting picked next-

On the other hand the Toons are far, FAR less human to him. Their far far stronger then the Toy versions, able to kill him way easier, and far harder to kill- Not only that but in other AU's he would struggle with dehumanization- yes he thinks Catnap is not Theo but their still alive and people... but toons aren't that.

Their beings made of something else, things that don't bleed... rarely tire... and simply unnatural- far more then the versions in canon ever were... Insanity might just come to him easier in this setting, where his chances at escape are almost zero, where beings that could at any moment crush him, burn him, tear him apart is what they dare to call JOKES... yeah I think him watching any cartoons after all is said and done would give him heavy panic attacks and make him throw up far more violently then when he interacts with the Critters. This AU may actually be pure torment for poor William.

I also had an idea for this AU, that the 'Toon Force' is effected by emotions a far bit. Like if someone is a little grumpy it won't effect the jokes or gags much- but if someone was very angry or upset, be it a toon or another person, and by god if it was a shared emotion with a lot of people... well what do you think the gags that happened in the hour would twist into? Just a fun thought-

But it would leave William with a target on him- someone so filled with confusion, fear, malice, hate, sorrow, agony that it would be hell to avoid the Toons... they would interact with him to help... yet only add to his spiral : )

Looking forward to what comes next, wonderful work your doing here!

Okay, I know this took a while to get back to you, but let me ramble under the cut!

My man, William? This is a good OC for some ANGST. I absolutely love your ideas for him, and having an OC who was one of the kids in the orphanage that is fully aware of the horrors? That's some good shit right there!

Now - I hope you don't mind for this next part...

But I think that while the Critters are pulled straight from their cartoon, there are still kids being taken for experiments. If William was a kid in the Toon AU, I think this would happen.

He would still be adamant about fighting back, still be terrified of the critters. Despite the fact that DogDay, Bubba, and Picky in this AU does try their best to stall and protect the kids the most - William would want nothing to do with them.

Maybe he'd still see CatNap as the biggest threat, but CatNap might see how William realizes the horrors of this place as well.

Then... If you don't mind... I think I'd like to have William cameo in a scene with DogDay - one that will really trigger that guttural fear of cartoons. Yes, I'm certain he'd go insane and hate all cartoons after the Hour of Joy, but... I think seeing someone die right in front of him would make things so much worse.

While the toons are hard to kill, I imagine William might be able to at least adapt and learn some small gags to help him survive against them. Otherwise? He'll have to just deal with the other toys.

But yeah! Please let me know what you think as well! (And if you're not comfortable with a cameo, please tell me too!)

[nightcolorz]

cw: problematic gender stuff

Love how all the men in tvc have the most backwards complexes about their gender and masculinity that make my head spin. I think this is a product of whatever complex Anne Rice had going on about gender in her life but it pays off at least for my own enjoyment, lol. Keep in mind that these characters have very outdated, problematic, stereotypical, etc ideas about gender bcus old vampires are old. Lestat thinks he’s the pinnacle of masculinity and the ultimate manly man who’s 6’0 with a massive dick but literally no one in his life sees him that way. He’s generally perceived as foppish and a pretty boy and if he found this out he’d have an explosive identity crisis/meltdown that’d be everyone’s problem. (is this a plot line in blood canticle? Potentially, but I haven’t read it lmao). Lestat is also desperate to not be seen as a victim and victim hood and femininity are equated in his mind (old). Louis portrays himself (and wishes to be perceived) as a principled Catholic man but internally sees himself as subservient, weak and shameful, and “feminine minded” (see: https://www.tumblr.com/armandaniels/717587975606779904/louis-de-pointe-du-lac-the-first-man-to-be?source=share). Neither of these self assessments are accurate or healthy. He also believes that his perceived feminine way of being is inherently wrong bcus he is a Man but also it is True and Unchangeable so he is therefore incurably flawed. Internalized misogyny but ur a cis man and it’s also hand in hand with ur internalized homophobia basically. Just a lot of internalizations going on here overall. Armand’s a whole new beast. Armand’s ideas about his gender are so complicated I don’t know if I can accurately summarize them in a few sentences. It’s more tied to how he’s perceived and treated as someone who looks youthful, and feminine/androgynous bcus of his eternal age and how that perception plays into his own self image as a man, contrasted with Louis and Lestat where it mostly stems from problematic old fashioned gender norms and expectations clashing with their lives as queer vampires. That coupled with his life of being objectified and dehumanized, not even mentioning his relationship with religion and sex and how that applies to gender, and it’s just a lot. And the thing about all this is that I don’t know if any kind of modern gender language/tools/self reflection that I (and probably u let’s be real here) are familiar with as queer ppl would be helpful or even apply to them were they to use or explore them. This is bcus they’re all so disconnected from humanity and gender roles as ppl from centuries ago living lifetime after lifetime where gender roles and ideas of gender are consistently changing that I don’t think our new fancy gender terms would even compute in their brains. In conclusion I wish I could hook these freaks up with a vampire friendly therapist who could sort their shit out, but for better or for worse they are fake and beyond help either way.

[kazumahashimoto]

Do you think angeal is a hypocrite? Personally I don’t understand it. Angeal never intended his death to be honorable, genesis said they had no honor multiple times… he views himself as someone beyond redemption. It feels like it reduces angeal’s honor down to virtue signaling, when he meant every word even in death, it’s just he didn’t view himself personally worthy of those beliefs… he never lied, the definition is comparable to a liar or a fraud, which I don’t think is the intended message of angeal’s character.

I AGREE!!!!!!!!! completely

like i LOVE the wing reveal moment with "then what should an angel fight for, zack? what do angels dream of?" like he's not being hypocritical here, he's stopped viewing himself as a person. even humoring zack in seeing him as an angel, that still makes him not human. the next lines of "please, tell me!" "to be human." always get me.

and even when he says "we must destroy all those who create suffering, and i created my own suffering" he says WE and includes himself, he still holds onto those views even as he sees himself as being unworthy of them now. he's kind of grasping at straws here for a reason why he needs to die, but i don't think it's like in opposition to what he stands for. he's desperate and hurting and still clinging to what he's based his life around.

and i completely agree i don't think he was ever trying to have an honorable death fit for a hero, certainly not when he doesn't view himself as a person. he turns into penance specifically TO dehumanize himself and further justify why he has to die. even the NAME penance, he's trying to absolve his guilt, confessing the sin of being born inhuman. it's not hypocrisy, it's not that he doesn't still believe in dreams and honor, it's that he doesn't fully believe they can apply to him anymore, and he feels guilt for living.

so he has zack kill him, because zack IS worthy of those ideals, zack HAS dreams, he IS honorable. zack, to him, is more deserving. zack is human, and zack is good. i think also, he views zack killing him as a kind of final test, to see if zack will be okay without him. if zack can kill him, then he's taught him everything he can. and, if zack can kill him, he who creates suffering, then zack is even more worthy of his ideals. angeal cares about zack immensely so this moment, to him, is an intimate one. it sets the standard for the many many angeal clones to come die at zack's feet as well.

calling angeal a hypocrite feels a bit reductive of zack's character as well, don't you think? makes his death a bit empty, if this whole time he's been chasing the false ideals of his dead mentor. i really don't think that's what they were going for like. at all. zack IS meant to have had an honorable death, he finally FINALLY managed to save someone, this was him finally becoming a hero. when he dies he asks angeal if he's done it, if he's a hero, and the conclusion we're meant to come to is YES.

SO! no i don't think he's a hypocrite. i think he was self loathing and a bit selfish, certainly, but he believed in his ideals the whole way through. he doesn't die because his morals didn't align with how he actually behaved, he died because he felt like that couldn't actually apply to him anymore, and his continued existence would be sinful because of it.

[rubberduckyrye]

Okay so like I've seen this a few times now in YT comments, which like. I understand that boiling Scaramouche's trauma to "he's got mommy issues" is Haha funny, but there's a real tragedy in his like, entire backstory.

(Also boiling down trauma to "Haha mommy/daddy issues" and making fun of that... NGL, not my favorite joke)

For one thing, just. Imagine being created with a purpose--to be the house of your mother's heart (a gnosis) and because you cried in your sleep, you were deemed too weak for that purpose. Not only that, but you were unwanted and subsequently abandoned.

Regardless of Ei's true intentions, she made it pretty damn clear that she didn't want to be responsible for him. She created this living, breathing person and threw him into the world for the sake of "letting him do what he pleases." Except Scaramouche was a newborn creation, naive to the harsh realities of the world. A child. If we imagine Scaramouche as a child, Ei's actions aren't as easy to justify. She abandoned a child in the wilderness, and expected him to forge his own path when he barely knew how to walk and run.

Then we have Yae Miko, who just. Treats Scaramouche like actual garbage. She refers to him as an object, a thing, and doesn't take him seriously. Ei was ignorant but Miko is borderline malicious--even thinking that Scaramouche should have just been killed from the start.

Then Scara has two instances where he faces death--both of which are the death of kind people. A blacksmith who didn't judge him for being inhuman, and a child. Man killed his friend, and fate killed the child.

With no one to help him cope with these loses, these tragedies and traumas, of course hes going to hate the world and want it to burn to the ground. As far as hes concerned, he hasn't seen true kindness in the world, and when he has, it was massacred in the blink of an eye.

And then he gets found by Dottore and the Fatui. Dottore just, blatantly experimented on Scaramouche, there is no denying that (like to me that's how their relationship reads, and like hell I expect Dottore to not experiment on a living doll. Also another instance of being dehumanized because hes a doll so ofc it's okay to experiment on him right??) And the Fatui... look. Idk if anyone saw the secret bad ending to the Fungus event, but the fatui are not a wholesome organization. They are brutal and cutthroat, willing to kill eachother on a dime. I'm sure the harbingers are the same too.

A lot of people say that Scaramouche abuses his underlings and I'd need to like, confirm that himself, but I wouldnt be surprised if it was simply because that's how all the harbingers treat their subordinates. Plus Scaramouche's predisposed hatred for humans who are filled with selfishness and greed, and of course hes going to hate the fatui. He never really was one of them to begin with, only there for his own motivations. Using the Fatui to get what he wants and nothing more.

Bit deep down, I'm sure Scaramouche is just someone who is desperate for love and kindness, even if he doesn't think it. Because then you get to when hes become a god, and biw he reacts to the woman who connected with his consciousness--and he immediately is fond of her. This total stranger who peered into his past, he now seeks to protect from any and all harm.

The boy literally caused a violent lightening storm because Dottore was threatening to hurt her. All because she was ~his follower.~

It's almost like the only kind of affection he knows or trusts is that of a follower. It's really sad.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[assortedfruitsnacks212]

Index - Billy Hargrove

Fic Series

Lost Boy (post-S3 AU, angst, horror, found family, eventual Billy x El) - in progress

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

It's been over two months since the Battle of Starcourt. Billy Hargrove survived, but he's not sure he should have. Scarred in body and mind, he has no idea who he is anymore. He spends his days drinking and fighting until Neil, incensed by his son's behavior, throws him out of the house.

Hopper and El come to the rescue, taking Billy home to live with them. Their compassion is unnerving... and exactly what he needed. However, as he adjusts to his newfound "family," he realizes something isn't right. He still feels the Shadow's call, urging him to kill.

Little does he know the Shadow doesn't need him to obey. It has another piece on the board, waiting to strike.

Worship The Flame (post-S3 future AU, Billy x El angst, fluff, smut) - in progress

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

It's May 1989. After three years in California, Billy returns to Hawkins for Max's high school graduation. He thinks he'll find everything—and everyone—as he left them. Turns out time has moved on in Hawkins, too, and a certain "little girl" isn't so little anymore. Now that he's back, she's desperate to prove it to him.

Too bad he swore he'll never fall for her. And if he does, there's no way her police chief father won't find out.

Oneshots

Enemy Of My Enemy (Eddie & Billy as awkward allies, pre-S3)

Billy Hargrove's been one of Eddie's best customers all year. Today though, when he shows up to the clearing with a black eye and stitches, Eddie knows this drug deal's gonna be different.

Fuck ‘Em (Eddie & Billy friendship, short S4 fix-it)

In the aftermath of the battle against Vecna, Eddie has an awkward heart to heart with Billy Hargrove.

She Knows (Billy & El one-sided friendship, short post-S3 AU)

Eleven tries to talk to Billy after the events of S3. It doesn't go well. Alternatively: Billy is scared to death of a teenage girl.

Have Mercy (Billy in Russia AU)

He’s been in Kamchatka for weeks now. The Russians, it seems, find him endlessly fascinating. They’ve dragged him to that small underground arena so many times he’s lost count, setting forth challenge after challenge. Bend this. Break that. It’s getting repetitive and, honestly, pretty boring.

All of that changes when they issue a new challenge—one that tests his humanity instead of his strength.

Amerikanyetz (Hopper finds Billy in Russia AU)

In a secret bunker in Kamchatka, Hopper finds another American prisoner. Someone who shouldn't be alive.

To My Younger Self (Billy & Hopper friendship, post-S3 AU, short letter fic)

From an AU where Billy survives Starcourt with major PTSD.

After an especially difficult week, Billy finds something on the dash of his car: a plain envelope with the words "To Billy, from Hopper" scrawled on the outside.

My AO3

My Art On Etsy

strangerthings4theories (Billy-centric theory blog)

Bileven Meta

Why I ship Billy x El

Billy and El are mirror images of each other

The phone booth: El hears Billy’s call for help

El is coded autistic

I’m not a perv for shipping Bileven. You’re just an asshole

The way this fandom dehumanizes El really gets to me sometimes

"What does your 'strawberry ice cream' tag mean?"

Bileven Extras

This gifset from The Boys perfectly captures the Bileven dynamic

“El would love Billy like a sister!”—I'm about to start making fun of y'all 🙄 (thread fic)

A years-long fight (thread fic)

Top ten Bileven songs

Bileven playlists

[nekropsii]

Cronus’s relentless, rapidly-changing attention-seeking behaviors, which manifest even in changes of identity, occurring ever since his childhood speak to some kind of deep-seated mental health issues.

Content Warning: Long, Discussion of Abuse, Toxic Behavior, Identity Issues, and Hemoloyalty.

On one hand, you have to acknowledge he feels extremely entitled to this attention, and does genuinely feel he deserves it purely for existing, but also the way he goes about trying to acquire this attention he so desperately craves is very… Well, concerning. It’s unhealthy for him, and downright toxic for others.

It’s interesting, a lot of the time when I see people try and tackle Cronus, they fail to realize that wanting attention isn’t that abnormal of a trait. Wanting attention is very human, and there are certain situations where feeling somewhat entitled to it is pretty warranted. The reason he’s shitty isn’t really because he wants attention and feels entitled to it, it’s more like… the supposed reason of why he feels so entitled to it in the first place is really shitty, and the way he goes about it is even worse. It’s completely steeped in a disgusting level of Hemoloyalty- because he’s Royalty by Blood Color, he feels himself to be inherently superior to others. His interactions with other people- and the ways he treats the concept of their attention and affections- are incredibly dehumanizing in a way most people can’t fathom replicating.

He’s like a spoiled child who couldn’t get the toy he wanted, and each rejection is like him getting told “No” for the first time. The way he acts extends far past a desperate desire to be Loved. It’d be far more accurate to say he has a desperate desire to be Worshipped. Really, I don’t at all think finding someone willing to have a Romantic and/or Sexual Relationship with him would fix him, or make him a better person. That… Just doesn’t make sense, considering his pattern of behavior. I don’t think he understands that Respect and Relationships aren’t just his for the taking- they’re a constant equal Give and Take. What he’s after isn’t a 50/50 Effort, because I don’t think he’s ever understood that he needs to put effort in to get what he wants in the real world. He doesn’t want Love, he kind of just wants someone to worship the ground he walks on purely because he exists.

The ways he goes about attempting to acquire what he wants are really unhealthy for everyone involved, including him, and they do not help his case. If he can’t get it immediately by virtue of existing, he tries to take it by force. If that doesn’t work, he tries to win pity points in order to make them feel bad enough for him that they’ll maybe, possibly, go out with him. If that doesn’t work, try the force option again. Rinse and Repeat.

This whole “rapidly shifting from identity to identity, to hobby to hobby, to behavior to behavior, to aggression and harassment” thing is genuinely not a normal trait. He seems deeply, hopelessly out of touch with how people and social situations work. He’s out of touch, and the more he’s in denial of this, the more he’s destroying everyone’s faith in him as a person. I don’t think he even cares about people’s faith in him anymore- or, at least, he tries not to. He’s long since completely given up on ever even trying to be a good person.

Maybe his refusal to change comes from that disordered thought that All Attention Is Good Attention. Maybe it comes from the fact that he’s afraid of Introspection and Reexamination of The Self. Maybe it comes from an idea that he’s already done so much harm that there’s no point to changing now. Maybe it’s a mix, and maybe it’s none.

At the end of the day, Cronus is a jaded, socially inept, deeply troubled, deeply entitled person with a menagerie of unhealthy and toxic traits and behaviors. He’s a coward who’s lethally afraid of consequences, and he’s a coward for hurting everyone around him in the first place. He’s spoiled to the point of hopelessness, and he views his peers as objects with feelings to be bought. And it’s important to remember, while he is a pitiful, pathetic person, pity should not bleed into affection. And if it does, you fell for the trap.

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 295 “The two of them”

So this is the chapter in which we remind ourselves…

Yeah, that not all the siblings relations are like Abel and Cain. Some brothers just love each other. But let’s go with order.

We begin with a better depiction of the shot Nikaidou shoot against Sugimoto. Now we can clearly see that the bullets didn’t go through his left cheek and came out from his right one but just grazed his right cheek and ear.

I’ll say Sugimoto is goddamn lucky because if Nikaidou has shoot in the same moment in which he kicked his face they would have gone through him and, at the very best, Sugimoto would have had his tongue and teeth ripped to shreds. Instead he’ll just merely gain another scar on his face.

Anyway, despite having been hit, without losing a beat, Sugimoto uses the bayonet in his rifle to pin Nikaidou on the ground by his shoulder.

It’s not really going to stop Nikaidou though, who reminds Sugimoto of his grievance toward him.

Nikaidou will never forgive him for what he did to Youhei. Nikaidou’s plan is shaky and likely lies on the fact he’s confuse about his own identity, as he calls his own body parts Youhei’s body parts but basically, apparently, after he has killed Sugimoto, he plans to place on him his prosthesis and his own face and have him to play his role while he’ll become Youhei, replacing the body parts he has lost with the ones of Sugimoto.

I do wonder if Noda plans to better explain Nikaidou’s madness and problems with his own identity because Nikaidou reminds me of those twins who used to swap places and got so used to do so that their own identities blurred, which is why Kouhei wants to impersonate Youhei and give his own identity to Sugimoto (instead than just turning Sugimoto into Youhei).

Whatever, poor Nikaidou is so out of mind his identity problems might be simply the result of this.

Anyway Nikaidou makes clear what’s moving him now is the desperation for having lost his brother and the madness this caused.

Sugimoto has no sympathy for his loss, he never liked Nikaidou, whom he saw as an enemy right from the start (in fact it was Sugimoto the first to attack the other and Youhei who were there merely to question/arrest him), and he’s not going to start now, especially after the brothers in retaliation beat and tried to kill him. This is completely human and understandable.

I’m aware there’s plenty of readers who feel the same as Sugimoto as Nikaidou was often pitiful but never a likeable character and was even used as a comic relief.

Story-wise though, this is a pity.

Part of Sugimoto’s character’s drama was that he had to kill people during war, and in order to do so he dehumanized them, saw them as bad people who don’t have a human heart and therefore one doesn’t have to feel sorry for them (chap 100) because they would feel no pain when they died.

It’s a mind setting many soldiers of many wars adopted, one the armies wildly encouraged them to have, but, of course, dehumanizing someone, albeit helpful in a war, is something fundamentally wrong. Sugimoto knows and that’s why he feels he has a VIP seat on the train to hell.

“Golden Kamuy” has brushed here and there Sugimoto’s problem and how it’s getting worse, for example in chapter 123 Sugimoto had a conversation with Toni in which he and Sugimoto argued if Toni has justice on his side or not. Sugimoto said they were just murderers, Toni countered they never killed anyone who wasn’t involved to which Sugimoto replied after a while they would stop being able to make the distinction (in short they would start killing innocent). At this Toni counters Sugimoto could understand it because there’s the stench of killer on him too.

And the thing comes up again in chap 261, in which Sugimoto tries to kill a Boutarou who’s actually surrendering (and therefore not threatening him) because he’s so angered he can’t stop, not even if Boutarou surrenders and if murdering him would make harder for them to find Asirpa.

In short Sugimoto was shown sinking, getting worse as he has predicted it would happen to Toni Anji.

But it’s difficult for many readers to catch this as, story-wise, the ones we see getting killed by Sugimoto are criminals, nameless Tsurumi’s minions or characters with whom many don’t really empathize much, like Nikaidou. It’s easy to excuse him with ‘he’s defending himself’ because that’s why he’s doing and because even if one of Tsurumi’s minions were to be the best person on Earth… well, we wouldn’t know, to us he’s just a minion and a threat to Sugimoto.

Readers had been trained by tons of stories to think nothing of when the hero kills an enemy nameless minion so the fact that Sugimoto might be indeed murdering poor, good people sent there by Tsurumi escapes us.

Sugimoto so far didn’t have yet a ‘Tsukishima shot an helpless Ariko’ moment so, even though he’s degenerating more and more, it’s hard to catch up. That’s why it’s a pity Nikaidou is not really someone likeable or easy to empathize with. If we’d felt bad for Nikaidou, we would have felt the emotion from both sides, for Sugimoto who has to survive, but also for Nikaidou who lost his brother.

It would have made for a more interesting fight because we wouldn’t have wanted anyone involved to die, and because we would have realized more the problem of Sugimoto getting worse. But we can’t have everything, I guess if this is a topic Noda wants to discuss Sugimoto will get later on his chance to kill/attempt to kill someone the fandom cares about. If not, it’ll just remain a topic Noda grazed at but never dug in deeply.

All right, let’s go back to the story.

As I said, Sugimoto has no empathy for Nikaidou and yells at him to shut up as this is a fight to death.

Then he pulls out his rifle and throw it to another mob soldier, killing him. Nikaidou tries to use his prosthetic leg to shoot at him but Sugimoto is by now deeply familiar with it and so he grabs it and uses it to shoot at the remaining soldier.

It’s worth to point out whose two soldiers instead didn’t attempt to shoot at Sugimoto, likely because they didn’t want to risk hitting Nikaidou (they yelled at him to get out of the way) so they somewhat cared about him, at least that much they didn’t want to risk hurting/killing him.

Back to the fight as Sugimoto grabs his rifle Nikaidou uses the chopsticks in his prosthetic hand to stab Sugimoto’s neck and cheek. It might go missed to the readers since it happened so long ago but there’s a veiled irony in this as this is a reference to Sugimoto and Nikaidou’s first meeting in which Tsurumi, who was also meeting Sugimoto for the first time, stabbed him with the dango skewers and, as a result, the Nikaidou brothers nicknamed him ‘dango boy’.

This time though, Nikaidou didn’t want to merely hurt him as Tsurumi did but kill him. Sugimoto though is a lucky one and of the chopsticks one hits his kin and sinks in his jaw and the other hits his neck but, likely, misses the carotid as Noda doesn’t really show blood coming out of it (and he will soon forget to draw it).

Nikaidou is not so lucky as Sugimoto stabs him through his abdomen. For the ones who still doesn’t know about this, this sort of stab is fatal (no way it has missed Nikaidou’s intestines), albeit it will kill you slowly and painfully. This too can be seen as a reference to their first meeting as, when Sugimoto killed Youhei, he later pretended Youhei has given him a fatal wound at his abdomen, when he actually was unhurt and merely used Youhei’s intestines which he stole from him to pretend Youhei managed to rip his own out.

Anyway now Nikaidou is as good as dead but we don’t learn what’s going to happen o him right now as we switch to Hakodate bay and to the sailors of the torpedos, who’re climbing on lifeboats.

One of them wonders about commander Koito and he’s told Koito senior said he would stay with the ship, acting like the classic captain who sinks with his ship.

I wonder if he ties himself to it or he clung to it until he lost consciousness because otherwise his body would end up floating back on the surface and could still be saved. Whatever, I guess the idea is he too is as good as dead.

We switch back to Koito Junior, who’s inspecting the place in which he was held captive (really, Tsurumi, it wasn’t a great idea to get him too to enter there, couldn’t you send him to inspect another building?) and discovers how the anpan which were there when he was held captive are still there, because no animal nor insect ate them as they knew they would be relevant for the plot in the future.

This causes Koito to sadly admit out loud how the Tsukisappu anpan person ended up telling sweet lies. Tsurumi hears him, the white of his eyes completely black, although his expression seems surprised.

Against Tsukishima’s will Koito FINALLY comes clear with Tsurumi.

He admits he and his father came there due to their own choice so they will accept the consequences for their decision. He goes on starting to say that if they will end up gaining nothing from this battle, in order to protect his men from central he… Koito doesn’t finish the sentence because he changes it, sweating he says he’ll do whatever he plans to do in order to protect his men from TSURUMI.

Likely, in the first sentence, Koito was merely thinking to shift all the blame to Tsurumi in the eyes of Central so that they would spare the men.

The through is nice, the idea behind it is that he doesn’t acknowledge how his men came there due to their own choices, same as him.

The correction comes better because it acknowledges not only that Tsurumi is more dangerous than Central, as even if they gain nothing he could still try to lead them to fight central and therefore to their death, but also possibly to his men, as he might be acknowledging they were manipulated by Tsurumi’s sweet lies.

He’s still deciding for them and thinking himself above of them… though being an officer and someone from the upper class he’s also responsible for them so I guess he can’t really see them as equal. But I think Koito is trying to do the right thing… albeit in a clumsy if not stupid way.

I mean he’s acting as he can impart judgment on Tsurumi. Unless he plans to sneak up on Tsurumi and kills him, if he doesn’t have the support of Tsurumi’s men they wouldn’t let him kill Tsurumi and he might have to fight them all. Tsurumi tells sweet lies? He has to prove it to be believed by them and Koito is nowhere near as popular and trusted  as Tsurumi but merely viewed as a spoiled brat.

He’ll need Tsukishima’s support but he hasn’t even told Tsukishima the truth about what happened in the church. He’s just confident Tsukishima will side with him when Tsukishima has strong ties with Tsurumi as well and has shown a desperate wish to believe in Tsurumi despite knowing he’s a liar.

So really, Koito, kudos for coming clear and for wanting to protect your men which are two HUGE steps forward, but you’re still acting overconfident and immature and I’m worried because the story is coming to an end and you might end up stumbling before you’ll manage to acquire the maturity and the necessarily ability to judge yourself correctly which are needed to deal with things as a leader.

(On a completely unrelated note I’ve been wondering for 2 years and a half if Ogata really gave Koito a stale anpan or a fresh one since Koito didn’t seem to notice his own anpan tastes terrible and should have given him a stomachache he didn’t seem to have… so really, Noda, I’d like to know)

Contrary to Tsukishima’s fear Tsurumi doesn’t immediately kill Koito nor order him to do the dirty job.

He calmly tells him to go on and kill him (if they gain nothing), claiming that from hell he won’t hear his name being dragged in the mud.

‘Dono yōna omei de tsurushi age rare yō tomo jigoku no soko ni ireba kikoendarou’

どのような汚名で吊し上げられようとも地獄の底にいれば聞こえんだろう

“No matter what infamy is hung on me, I can't hear it if I’m at the bottom of hell”

The way Tsurumi speaks, it seems as if he’s being unfairly accused. If he’s referring to how Central will unfairly accusing him or how it’s Koito who’s unfairly accusing him to be one who tells sweet lies and is a danger for his men that’s up to speculation. Ours and Koito’s.

Tsurumi goes on, switching from victimizing himself to praising Koito, claiming since he has become a splendid man Tsurumi can entrust things to him.

‘Rippa ni seichōshita Koito shōi ninara ato o makase rareru’

立派に成長した鯉登少尉になら後を任せられる

“Since you grew splendidly, Second Lieutenant Koito, I can leave it to you.”

Koito, who’s still sweating, is surprised by Tsurumi’s words, then lowers his gaze. Is he understanding the weight of them? Doubting himself? Doubting his decision? Koito is young and inexperienced, playing against a master. It’s not an easy game for him, even if it’s entirely possible Tsurumi would be fine with being killed by Koito if he were to fail. But I’m not sure if he would give up on his plan just because he would fail to seize the land deed and/or the gold in that battle.

He might think he could catch them later while Koito gave him a time limit.

We’ll see.

Koito moves to leave, telling Tsukishima to go with him.

Tsukishima prepares to do so when Tsurumi calls him back. There’s complete darkness behind Tsurumi and Tsurumi himself is pretty dark, the white of his eyes completely black again.

Tsurumi’s words are well through.

He tells Tsukishima he’s the only ally Tsurumi has left.

This basically places Koito in the enemy or at least adversary camp, as he’s not even considered a temporal ally or an ally Tsurumi can regain but what’s more, hits Tsukishima right where it hurts because Tsurumi is basically telling him he trusts Tsukishima to stay by his side as his ally (he’s not asking if he’s still his ally, he’s just stating he is) and continuing the pity party as Tsukishima is HIS ONLY ALLY. Koito senior, whom he doesn’t know just drowned and the other soldiers don’t count, he only has Tsukishima, Tsukishima who has no idea Tsurumi was aware they were eavesdropping in the church and thinks Tsurumi spoke about his projects from the bottom of his heart unaware to be overheard.

Now, it can be Tsurumi was being sincere back then but the fact he knew he was being overheard and kept silent about it, makes his words sound more like a mummery aimed at manipulating Tsukishima and Koito.

And Koito, as far as we know, didn’t reveal this HUGE detail to Tsukishima so Tsukishima can’t do an informed decision. He has to chose between a young, spoiled officer he babysat until then and the man who saved his life when he ended up in jail sentenced to death. The only ally he had back then. The one whose sweet lies saved him. The one who claimed he would save him and every other soldier in front of Asirpa, in a moment in which, as far as Tsukishima knew, he had no reason to lie.

The scales are not in favour of Koito… who once out of the building, turns toward it. We don’t know if Tsukishima followed him or remained behind, or if he followed him aiming to kill him on Tsurumi’s orders. We’ll discover probably next time as now we switch back to the fatally wounded Nikaidou and Sugimoto.

Nikaidou is still blaming Sugimoto for Youhei’s death, asking him how he dared to kill him and demanding Youhei back. Sugimoto rotates the rifle, so that the bayonet attacked to it and going through Nikaidou will further damage Nikaidou’s intestines, speeding up Nikaidou’s death as Nikaidou is clearly not going to give up so easily.

‘Kyōdai nakayoku jigoku de mattero’

兄弟仲良く地獄で待ってろ

“You, siblings who’re close, wait in hell for me!”

Sugimoto is a fury and he has been for all the fight, his irises white as he verbally attack Nikaidou, though in his attack he also confirms how he’ll go in hell too.

Nikaidou though, is a determinate and stubborn fighter. He’ll kill Sugimoto no matter what and so he shows Sugimoto his closed fist. When he opens it, Sugimoto can see on his finger there’s the fuse of an explosive. Nikaidou grabs Sugimoto telling him to get blown up together. Coming out from the opening of his pants, placed as if it were a boner, there’s the explosive Nikaidou stole to the Russian guy.

Nihei would be proud of him if he were here to see Nikaidou, whose determination to kill Sugimoto is terrible and without boundaries as he’s willing to explode to kill Sugimoto.

But Sugimoto isn’t the sort who would panic and give up. He pushes Nikaidou forward and throws him, rifle and all, inside one of the holes in which the Russian partisans hid.

Now… the fact Nikaidou who was holding him, let go of him leaves me a little perplexes but whatever.

Anyway the explosive explodes, pushing upward the bayonet that ends up splitting Nikaidou’s body and head in two halves.

There’s something worth mentioning about Noda. He’s an author who doesn’t forget his characters’ wrongdoing but, at the same time, has compassion of them.

So far the majority of characters who died in this story, despite having physically gruesome deaths, ended up also having psychologically peaceful deaths. In death, they’re satisfied, in the last moments of their lives they aren’t left to be miserable.

Toraji, we discovered in chap 242 volume version, died saving a life and wondering if Umeko would believe him if he were to say he flung Sugimoto away.

Nihei died the way he wanted to die, in the wilderness, fighting a wolf, trying to help a son to go back to his family the way his son couldn’t return back home, Ryu next to him and fighting for him.

Henmi died of the brutal death he wanted to die, shining as he wanted.

Wakayama and Nakazawa died together, holding hands, Wakayama killing a bear to avenge Nakazawa in front of Nakazawa.

Edogai died believing Tsurumi accepted him and that he was doing something great by handing the fake skins to him.

Sakamoto and O-gin again died together.

Anehata died… getting close to the bear the way he wanted.

Inudou had his last fight with Hijikata.

Youichirou also had the death he wanted, aware of dying after a last fight.

Sekiya died thinking God existed and finally decided punishing him.

Fina died in her husband’s arms as he told her the truth about himself.

Kiroranke died knowing what he did had a purpose, Sofia was free and there was hope for the minorities.

Heita killed himself so as to stop his bear alter ego from killing.

Ienaga died to save Inkarmat so she could become perfect in place of her mother who lost that chance.

Usami died in Tsurumi’s arms being told what he wanted to hear.

Ueji died thinking he saddned his father one last time.

Boutarou died knowing he has saved Shiraishi, whom he deemed a friend and that Shiraishi would remember him.

Kikuta died believing Sugimoto would avenge him.

Toni in his death found the silence and calm he longed for.

Koito senior died with his ship as he wished.

Noda, despite not absolving them from his sins, still felt sympathy and sadness for their suffering and/or bad luck and, despite having them face the consequences of what they did (and therefore die often a painful death), in their final moment eased their psychological suffering, aware if they turned the way they were, it wasn’t just because they were born evil, but because something terribly painful derailed them from their path and turned them the way they became. It’s pity, not absolution. It’s bringing retribution for their own choices and wrong actions bereft of raging cruelly against them. It’s karma not sadistic revenge.

And so we can see Nikaidou too, despite dying a really gruesome death by being dismembered, still has his misery healed in death by believing he has met Youhei again, as when the two halves in which he was split look at each other, he see someone who’s the mirror image of himself and thinks he’s looking at Youhei, that Youhei is back and manages to hold his hand again... before being fully ripped to shred.

Mind you, I think it’s more likely that Kouhei hallucinated the whole thing than that he managed to see his other half, assume it was his brother and take his hand. But still the scene has its own poetry and reminds us how the Nikaidou brothers viewed themselves as the two halves of a whole as well as remarking the only salvation Nikaidou could hope for, required for him to die...

Again, it’s a pity the two brothers weren’t more likable because, narratively speaking, they are good characters with lot of potential… though terrible people. But even in how they were hard to be liked there’s a message. Their rage, their violence, made them alone in more way then one. No friends, one of them death, the other living longing for revenge until he died. And, outside of the story, not a wide fangroup.

Anger is an ugly, scary beast, after all, and when it’s mad rage it’s even worse.

And so Nikaidou, as I expected, says goodbye to us all, the final page being of Sugimoto as Nikaidou explodes behind him.

Sugimoto is creepy, his eyes shining, he has fought again like a Kishin and again he has killed but, although he has survived, he’s ironically in the dark while Nikaidou, or what remains of him, is in the light… the light of the explosion of course, but still light considering Nikaidou now is with his brother.

I wonder what will be of Sugimoto. I know he won’t die but will Noda deal with what he’s becoming or will he let this drop because Sugimoto is the main character? We’ll see.

[snafu-maniac1]

Zuko deserved better

So I rewatched Avatar the Last Airbender recently and let me tell you......

I wanna murder several people.

Looking back on this entire series I’ve come to notice something. I watched the show just like any other audience member and only saw the good and the bad characters. One of these prime examples is Zuko. Zuko’s redemption arc has been praised as one of the greatest in history, succeeding where others have failed. But watching it all again......it wasn’t redemption. Not to me personally.

Before everyone gets angry and defensive at me, please finish reading my post and hear what I have to say. I do not wish to start any fandom wars or discredit or disrespect anyone’s opinion, this is just my personal psychological analysis of Zuko’s character....Sigh and let me give you a warning.

It’s gonna be LONG. 

So if you’re not interested or don’t want to hear it or don’t feel like reading something this long that’s fine, you can go ahead and just click away and ignore this post.

Starting from book 2. 

Now you may be wondering why I’m starting here and not from the start of Zuko’s childhood but I first want to address the one question everyone had been wondering since the series 2 finale. What would have happened if Zuko hadn’t sided with Azula?

My answer is.....that wouldn’t have happened.

Everyone’s been focusing on the entire arc where Zuko was struggling to accept that the war was wrong and how Iroh was trying to get through to him when he tried to capture Appa and afterwards, but here’s something everyone tends to ignore.

Why didn’t Iroh try sooner?

Why didn’t he try to stop Zuko before Aang came, before he’d gotten so deep and desperate to the point that he continuously committed heinous acts to capture the Avatar? People would justify it by saying Iroh wanted Zuko to realize the wrongs of his father and Nation by himself to shape him into his own person. But that is in no way the appropriate way to approach a physically, psychologically and mentally unstable and abused child. Zuko was a thirteen year old boy when he was burned and banished. This is where we go into his childhood. Zuko was raised like any other Fire Nation citizen. As we’ve seen in book 3 and in the Pirate comic book, The Fire Nation citizens were led to believe that the other Nations were ‘savages’ and ‘barbarians’. It villainizes the Fire Nation even more. The very fact that they would spread heinous lies against other people when they themselves were responsible for the war that ruined so many lives. But when you realize, what Sozin and the other Fire Lords did was a solid battle tactic. Making the opposing side out to be these horrendous monsters. Making lies or accentuating every one of their worst traits to dehumanize their enemies so that the people would not have any qualms about fighting them. All of the Fire Nation schools were taught these lies. And Zuko was no exception.

Zuko was a member of the Royal family. And from what was shown in the Avatar series, the Royal family was isolated from the rest of Fire Nation society. Zuko had no way of knowing what the other Nations were really like, no way of knowing the truth about the war and no one had bothered to explain it to him. The one person that could have, did NOT. And yet people had expected him to just automatically know that he was being lied to and that his people were the villains. Zuko’s only social exposure was with Fire Lord Azulon, Fire Lord Ozai, Dragon Of The West General and Crown Prince Iroh, his cousin Prince Lu Ten, his mother Princess Ursa and his younger sister Princess Azula and her friends Mai and Ty Lee. All of whom believed in the Fire Nation propaganda and all of whom had no problem in participating in the war and making jokes about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground. Zuko was under scrutiny and aggression from Ozai. Ozai was Zuko’s ‘handler’, his ‘groomer’. He groomed Zuko into a certain type of submissive and obedient behavior. Zuko was not allowed to show any type of emotion otherwise he would suffer severe repercussions. Ozai and Azula taunted Zuko for having a sense of compassion and with how he was ostracized in a war loving family, he began to believe his behavior and way of thinking was unusual. It was like Azula said to Mai, “Your mother had certain expectations of you and when you strayed from them you were shot down.” In Zuko’s case, the expectations he strayed from resulted in severe punishment. Ozai was willing to permanently disfigure and traumatize Zuko when he was a thirteen year old boy. It’s not unusual to think that his punishments towards Zuko would sometimes very likely be physical and many people even write alternate universes of the Avatar series where Ozai was even more abusive than he already was. He was a manipulative man who brainwashed his daughter into being his perfect, obedient little slave and manipulated his son into questioning his own sense of reality. He would tell him that Azula was born lucky and he was lucky to be born, cementing Azula’s view of herself of receiving everything she wanted and turning her personality toxic while he made Zuko feel inferior and faulty. If there was something wrong with him, his father would tell him and he needed to fix it. But he never could. He strayed towards his mother, who like Iroh, abandoned Azula because of Ozai’s manipulation and did nothing to help her like they ‘helped’ Zuko.

When Zuko was thirteen he wanted to ‘prove’ himself to his father by attending one of his war meetings. Zuko very likely only wished to do what his father wanted because by then, Iroh had abandoned him when he left after the Siege of Ba Sing Se, his mother disappeared and his grandfather and cousin were both dead. The only ones he had left of his family were his father and sister who both abused him and he only wished for their approval and their affection. Humans need mutual affection. Children who do not receive affection from their parents, tend to not take that type of neglect well. Because people need affection to properly function. Our parents love us from when we are young and that emotional connection is something very important to every human being’s mental state. However, Zuko’s only source of affection, his mother, was taken away from him. Azula herself, had no source of affection. Not from her mother, who thought she was demented from her father’s brainwashing, nor from her brother who feared her, nor from her father who used her as a tool. Returning to the day of the Agni Kai, Zuko wished to be of use to his father, he craved his affection because that is what the abuser does. They make you believe they are the only ones who can validate you and if you do not abide by their rules or follow their orders then you mean nothing. Zuko for the most part from what I could see in the flashback, held his promise and did not speak. But when he refused to back down when his people were in danger, Ozai was not pleased. This is because he is an abuser. He is Zuko’s ‘handler’ and when someone who is abusing another person witnesses this type of behavior, they have a feeling of loss of control. They desire control, they crave it, over the abusee especially. So when Zuko showed empathy towards the Fire Nation citizens and did not do as Ozai wished, he decided to ‘rectify’ that. In the most BRUTAL way possible. An Agni Kai. A public spectacle where he would establish dominance over his son, over his pawn and he would make a show of it. He would show everyone that HE was the one in control and NO ONE could defy him. When Zuko refused to fight Ozai, because of his love for his father, Ozai only saw that as a weakness. Ozai is a psychotic man. The fact that he did not have any problem in burning his son so cruelly shows that he does not have any sense of morals. Going back to Zuko, a thirteen year old child at the time, he had just been punished for disobedience, for straying from his father’s expectations, in the worst way possible.

Zuko did what many people would say is the right thing to do. He tried to defend his people from a cruel man intent on sending them to their deaths. But in doing so, he had defied his father and was punished for it. He was punished....for trying to HELP people. His life was essentially DESTROYED and he was thrown out of his home...for trying to help people. For showing empathy towards others. He was punished in the worst way possible for defying his father. His entire perception of right and wrong was thrown out of balance. He was taught that the war was right and that the Fire Lord, his father, was all knowing. And his mother tried to teach him kindness and her lessons of kindness got him punished. The amount of physical and mental damage he had sustained from such a punishment would in some cases be irreversible. Iroh was right there with Zuko and he did nothing. I CAN understand why he did not step in during the Agni Kai. He had been gone from the Fire Nation, his brother had taken the throne and he could have very well himself been punished severely for intervening. However, why did he allow Zuko to continue to believe he was the one at fault? Everyone of us has seen Zhao, has seen the way he treated Zuko during his banishment. Zuko very likely spent those entire two years before Aang’s arrival, being subjected to that type of behavior from everyone around him. All of them blamed him, all of them very likely said that he’d deserved what had happened to him. No one was on his side. He ended up turning aggressive and cruel towards others, because that was the way his father behaved and it was his empathy towards others that got him punished in the first place. He said in The Storm ‘the safety of the crew doesn’t matter’, just like the general that called the 41st division ‘fresh meat’. It was easier for Zuko to lash out at others and be aggressive than to let them see his vulnerabilities and hurt him for them again. It was the same with Song and her mother. Ozai tried to force him to be cruel, he tried to groom him the same way he did Azula. They dehumanized the other Nations and Zuko behaved the exact same way he was expected to. ‘Their compassion would cost them’. It was exactly the way his father wanted him to be. It was what Iroh did not wish for him, and yet despite claiming he thought of Zuko as a son, he did not in any way try to convince Zuko to give up his quest during the two years he had been searching for something that at the time was believed did not exist. The only instance we were shown of Iroh saying anything against his search, and even that is a stretch, was in the Western Air Temple episode where Zuko has a flashback of Iroh telling him that ‘destiny was a funny thing’ when Zuko said it was his destiny to capture the Avatar. Iroh had time to run the White Lotus, an antiwar organization for two YEARS maybe even longer and he did not think of taking two MINUTES to talk to Zuko, to ease him into realizing the wrongs of the war. Okay, yes he could have passed it off as character growth. But how do you expect a person, surrounded by people telling him he was at fault, he had no choice, either obey or never come back, to realize something like that? How do you expect an abuse victim to accept help all by themselves when their abuser forces them to depend on them? Did Iroh take him to some Earth Kingdom villages to see that they aren’t the vicious savages the Fire Nation portrays them to be? Did he take Zuko to the Southern Water Tribe to see the damage done to them at the hands of his own country? No. Instead he acted like an oblivious old man who had no interest other than Pai Sho and speaking proverbs that Zuko could not hope to understand.

Two years Zuko spent looking and looking and he turned desperate to the point that he was willing to do anything to go home. And then The Avatar finally returned. And then the people that Zuko was raised to perceive as brutal savages continued to stand in his way. And did Iroh intervene? No. He still did nothing. He allowed Zuko to continue his pursuit and turn into the worst possible version of himself. People say that Zuko should own up to the consequences of his actions. And he should. But would he have done those actions had Iroh stopped him earlier? Would he have done any of the things he did when the only remaining adult figure in his life had told him otherwise? Would he have listened to Iroh? The answer is yes. He was willing to do what Ozai had expected of him so why would he not listen to Iroh with time and patience instead of waiting till the last possible moment to do so? Children don’t automatically know right from wrong from the moment of their birth. They are taught by their parents, by the adults in their lives and Zuko had Ozai as his parental influence. And Iroh knew that. He knew the type of man his brother was and he did not try to overwrite his brother’s abuse to help his nephew until Zuko was already on the path of no return. When they became refugees Iroh still did nothing until they got to Ba Sing Se and until Zuko, again in an act of desperation, tried to capture Appa. That was when he FINALLY decided to step in. Three years since Zuko’s banishment, sixteen years of his father’s influence and abuse and he decides the very moment his nephew is close to the brink of insanity is the perfect opportunity to DESTROY his entire world view. He had worked day in and day out for two years before Aang appeared, only for his uncle, someone he TRUSTED, to tell him it was all for NOTHING. Two years of TORTURING himself. A year of fighting against his Nation’s enemies and SUDDENLY he’s being told it was all for nothing. When Iroh and Zuko reunited, Iroh told him he found his way again ‘on his own’ like how Zuko told Ozai he had to learn everything ‘on his own’. And they were both right. Zuko had no one to help him. He had to suffer through so much on his own, without anyone’s help and they’re SURPRISED he acted the way he did. When everything came to ahead in Ba Sing Se with Katara, people thought ‘Oh Zuko has changed he’s going to help Katara.’ And when he did not they HATED him for it. 

The reason for this is because Katara was the ‘good guy’ and Zuko was the ‘bad guy’. Black and white. Katara and Zuko shared a moment of understanding from both losing their mothers and Katara offered to heal his scar and he chose to side with Azula and both Katara and the viewers saw this as a betrayal on Zuko’s part. This assumption however is completely unjustified and unfounded. Everyone sees Zuko and the Fire Nation as the bad guys. The villains of the story. But Katara and the Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom were the bad guys in the Fire Nation’s eyes. Katara was the ‘savage’ standing in the way of Zuko going home. The Avatar was his home’s greatest ENEMY and THREAT. Had the situation been reversed and Katara had to choose between Zuko and the Water Tribe and her brother and father, people would have supported her choice because they were the good guys. Zuko’s people were the bad guys so it had to be the wrong decision and a betrayal to Katara and Iroh. But Zuko was an unstable, traumatized child who did not wish to believe his people were bad, who did not want to fight his home after he spent so long trying to capture Aang, his home’s greatest THREAT and ENEMY. Katara hated Zuko because he represented everything that the Fire Nation did to her family. And Zuko hated her because she was the ‘savage’ keeping him from his one way home. To Zuko, Katara was the bad guy. And looking back at their moment of sympathy where Katara said he betrayed her trust I can only ask one thing....how could Zuko have known that Katara wasn’t trying to trick him? Now, the viewers would automatically respond ‘Katara’s not like that! She wouldn’t do that!’ but the fact is, we the viewers KNOW Katara. We know she’s not that type of person because we got to know her through out the series. Zuko does NOT know her. To Zuko, she’s just another faceless enemy out to KILL his father. He chose Azula’s side because he could not accept what Iroh was saying to him because why hadn’t Iroh said so sooner? He did not want to join Aang’s side cause this was the AVATAR. The one out to KILL his FATHER and take down his HOME. When Zuko returned, he was conflicted about what he had done because he had begun to see how wrong his father and sister’s behavior and The Fire Nation’s war truly was. And Iroh cemented that further by proclaiming Zuko’s struggle was because of Roku and Sozin’s conflict when that was clearly not the case. Zuko was groomed and brainwashed by the Fire Nation propaganda like every other citizen but he was not dispelled from that belief by anyone. No one tried to make him question that belief. Iroh did not try to ‘help Zuko’ until the very last moment in Ba Sing Se. People believe Zuko betrayed Iroh because that’s how it’s supposed to be when Zuko was the ‘bad guy’ and Iroh was the ‘caring’ Uncle and ‘voice of reason’. And yet he did not think to ‘reason’ with Zuko before this entire mess even started. He did not in any way try to disrupt Zuko’s view of the other Nations or his father. In my opinion, IROH was the one who betrayed ZUKO. Iroh KNEW the entire time that what Zuko was doing was wrong. Zuko was a child who was not allowed to think for himself and Iroh KNEW Zuko was brainwashed by the exact same propaganda he himself had believed before he lost his son. If Iroh, who had believed in the Fire Nation for so many years, was unable to realize the wrongs of the war until his ADULTHOOD when he lost his son, how in the world did he expect a 13 year old child to do so? And Zuko became even more unstable and then he chose the Fire Nation.

When he realized it was wrong and went to join team Avatar, they were reasonably mistrusting.

Zuko’s redemption arc from a simple perspective, from team Avatar’s perspective was very well done. Team Avatar did not know what Zuko had been through. To them he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt them. To the audience, he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt the good guys. No one would think that deep into a fictional character’s perspective or psychological and mental state. No one would think past the ‘good guy’ and the ‘bad guy’. But one thing I cannot justify is Katara’s accusation of betrayal towards Zuko. As we have mentioned, Zuko and Katara were enemies who had a mutual hatred towards each other before his ‘redemption’. They had one single moment of shared empathy and understanding and that is NOT the basis for earned trust. What would Katara have done had she been in Zuko’s shoes? Fighting her enemies, fighting people she sees as nothing more than monsters and she has to choose between her long time enemy and her sibling and her home and her family. If she was in that position, she would choose Sokka and Hakoda and Aang and the Water Tribe over Zuko in a heartbeat because those are her FAMILY members and her FRIENDS and people would justify her because she’s the ‘good guy’. The hero. But Zuko is the villain so his actions automatically AREN’T justifiable. I understand Katara’s mistrust towards Zuko because of their history and because again, she doesn’t know anything about him or what he went through. But she cannot expect him to just automatically leave behind everything he’s ever known and ever believed in because of one single moment of understanding. Zuko should have done everything he could to make it up to the group because he owed it to them and they again, did not know any of his reasons for hunting them. But Zuko does not deserve to be labeled simply as ‘a bad guy turned good’ when he was NEVER a bad guy to begin with. When he was never even mentally stable enough to make that type of decision for himself. In today’s day and age Zuko and Azula would have BOTH ended up in a mental institution. And after all of the things he went through, Zuko was the one who ended up going back to Iroh and apologizing when Iroh was the one who abandoned him and then Zuko at 16 years old ended up as the leader of a nearly fallen apart country. He had to suffer through insomnia, assassination attempts and mental instability and abandonment. Iroh left to Ba Sing Se and only made two appearances in a total of SIX comic books after the end of the War and one of those was entirely brief. So while Iroh gets to enjoy the rest of his life selling tea, Zuko has to suffer the consequences for what his family did. He was also abandoned by Mai which brings me to another point.

Zuko’s toxic relationships.

Some people say they dislike Mai because she is emotionally abusive towards Zuko. It never occurred to me before but looking at it now, I have to say that I agree. In the comics after book 2 had ended it was shown that Azula used Mai’s childhood crush on Zuko to manipulate him into going back to the Fire Nation with her. And Mai.....I don’t even know how to get started on the entire mess that is their relationship. Mai is a person who does not like emotion. She doesn’t like to express herself and immediately shuts down anything even close to emotion. The same applies to Zuko. Zuko is a very emotionally unstable and insecure person. And instead of reassuring and calming him, Mai immediately cuts him off whenever he loses a handle of his emotions and just flat out ends their relationship on the spot. She gives Zuko no explanation, just gets angry at him and then all of a sudden when Zuko can’t take anymore and explodes she suddenly says she cares about him. Their relationship is toxic. Mai demeans his problems and things that trouble him. Quote “I just asked if you were cold, I didn’t ask for your whole life story.” when Zuko was nervous about going back home. She demeans his guilt towards Iroh and tries to make him feel better by ordering servants around. And then in the Boiling Rock episode she attacks him for his letter which is reasonable on her part, but there is the problem that despite being Zuko’s girlfriend, up until that point she was Azula’s subordinate first and foremost and she could have tried to let Azula know. Still was a shitty way of ending their relationship, I’m not gonna act like it wasn’t but I still wanted to put that perspective out there just for thought. Not to mention how she ended things in the comic books. The trust issue I understand. But I don’t understand how ONE single mistake would lead to her just immediately ending things instead of at least TRYING to work it out. She could have listened to him and seen why he was so upset and scared of messing up that he went to Ozai of all people for help. She did not stick by him when he needed her and that was what forever ruined their relationship for me. 

In simple terms, Zuko was a bad guy who became a good guy and redeemed himself.

In psychological terms, Zuko was an abuse victim who was brainwashed since his childhood, blamed for it and made into a scapegoat while his sister ended up in a mental institution because of her father’s influence and because the same people who ‘helped’ Zuko didn’t think she deserved it too.

So from what I’ve seen while rewatching the series....

Zuko never needed redeeming. Zuko needed help.

And he didn’t get it. 

[peterrparrkerr]

First Lines Tag Game

Tagged by my lovely @snowstark!

Rules: List the first lines of the last 10 fics/drabbles you published (or all your fics if you have less than 10). Look to see any patterns you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any. Then tag some friends.

Bucky has three potentials tonight. He charms his way into conversation with a blonde college student, who looks like she'd put up a fight, might even scream for him. - Queens Killer

Tony smirks at the shivering boy knelt on the cold concrete of the warehouse. His fingers are zippered behind his head, leaving his bare chest open. His little cock is hanging between spread and quivering thighs and his cheeks are red and blotchy from tears. - Forced Nudity

It's a day like any other. The sun is high in the sky, heating the clothes on Peter’s back, and the ranch hands are busy taking care of the property. Peter can hear Chris hollering with laughter over the distressed squealing of the hog he and Jordan are in charge of corralling for the vet’s visit. - Hale Ranch

Tony thinks begging is dehumanizing. Stemming from desperation and having nothing to lose. Tony is not a desperate man, and he has everything to lose. - Begging

When Peter calls, he's frantic and sobbing. Tony can barely understand what he's saying. All he gets is that Peter needs Tony as soon as possible. - Murder

Tony never understood the attraction of body modification. Maybe it was because he was born in 1970. It was a younger generation fad Tony didn't really want any part in. - Body Modification

Bucky knew all about Tony. He knew how ruthless he could be, how down right villainous. After Extremis, Tony was untouchable. He didnt need protecting. - Human Pet

Derek's limbs shook with the effort it took to keep him upright. His breathing came out in panting wheezes, his eyes blurring before refocusing. His knees gave out and he dropped like a stone, grunting in pain as the arrows shifted in his muscles. He couldnt even bring himself to howl for pack. - Pretty Little Wolf

At first the fairy had been mad. He slammed little fists into the glass of the mason jar Tony had caught him in. Tony had frowned at him, holding the glass up to get a good look at him and his broken wing. - Lonely Mechanics and Broken Fairies

He doesn't know much. Just what they tell him. He's fine with that. Its simple, and he's not missing out on much. So he's told anyway. Some things he does know. He knows how much pressure to apply to the neck to merely render someone unconscious. Where to bury a bullet in the torso to make the death last longer. He knows where the ribs are, so he can easily sheath his blade in deep. - The Things He Knows

Plz my writing is so fucking angsty 😂. It was fun going through my books and finding some I forgot I wrote 😂

Gonna tag @vaguekiwi @sinditia @thegreenmetblue @carelessannie @starkentrprises @starkerscoop and anyone I missed or whoever wants to do this!

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

New Training - Rudy

Note: I was pretty sure I might come back and flesh these trainings out a little more, but didn't have the ideas at the time, so it's a bit spacey. These happen over about 3 days.

Also just keep in mind that Rudy has a very low pain tolerance.

[Masterlist]

TW: pet whump, kidnapped whumpee, conditioning, muzzle, restraints, conditioned whumpee, dehumanization/animalization, manhandling, light mouth whump (noncon mouthwash and sharp muzzles), implied starvation, mind games, broken whumpee mindset,

When Rudy woke, the first thing he noticed was how much his head hurt. One spot in particular on the right side of his forehead was pounding. The next thing he realized was he was muzzled again. Master hadn’t put him in a muzzle in so long - what did he do wrong?

With a jolt, the memories of yesterday came back and he sat up, nearly choking himself on the chain clipped to his collar. He reached up and felt the little lock, whining in fear as he looked around. Tears sprung to his eyes as he felt around the collar and realized it wasn’t his, the bed wasn’t his, the room wasn’t Masters.

“Now you’re awake, sleepy head.”

Panicked, he tried to scurry back but the chain kept him in place. Casey rounded from the otherside of the room, grinning wildly. The whimpers and whines were so impossibly cute, better than he could have ever imagined. The boy was scared now, but he’d soon love Casey. He was so excited, so ready to get started training.

He reached own the pet the boy’s cheek - a gesture of peace and comfort, but the boy pulled away, hands up to tug at the chain. Casey scowled and slapped him.

“Ugh, you know far better than that, Archimedes.”

--

“No!” Rudy cried out, tugging at the end of the lead.

“Come on, Archimedes,” Casey groaned, pulling the boy back roughly. “Listen to your owner.”

The sharp tug put him off balance and Rudy tripped to the ground, getting up quickly on knees to relieve pressure from his throat. “N-No! Not, not my name, not my Master!” He glared up at the man, shaking but resolute. He knew who he belonged to.

Casey’s blood boiled.

“Stupid pet, you’ll learn better than to speak back to me like that.”

He grabbed the back of the boys’s collar, dragging him up and down the hall. Rudy tried to struggle and plant his feet, but it ended up only choking him. Casey threw him into the small room against the counter and quickly grabbed a bottle sitting on the self. With a firm grip under his jaw, he pried the boy’s mouth open and forcefully poured some of the liquid in.

“Don’t swallow it - or do, if you want to throw up,” he remarked coldly, pressing a hand against Rudy’s mouth to keep it closed. He watched the boy’s eyes get wide, recompense for his disobedience.

The liquid, whatever it was, tasted horrible and sour. It made him gag when it hit the back of his throat, bound hands coming up to try and pry the man’s away to spit it out. Casey pinned his hands down with a knee and pushed him back farther, sink counter digging painfully into his lower back.

Then it started to burn.

It hurt and burned, like it was starting to eat away at his gums and teeth. Rudy whined loudly, eyes begging Casey to let him go. The man was grinning back at him, the expression like a dagger stabbing straight at his heart. He was, he was enjoying this, enjoying seeing him so scared and in pain.

“Tastes bad, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?" He prompted, shaking him lightly. Rudy panted through his nose and nodded quickly. Please let him spit it out, please. “Bad words get punished, and this is how they’ll be punished. Do you understand, Archimedes?”

Rudy whined, but nodded again. It burned, it hurt his mouth. He wanted it out, out out out.

With a spin, Casey faced him towards the sink before he released him. Rudy quickly spit it out, nearly gagging in the process. Even then, the taste lingered in his mouth. Shaking, he curled over the sink and began to cry again as he felt the man begin to replace the muzzle. His eyes found Casey’s in the mirror for a moment as Rudy considered struggling again. Something about the darkness in his eyes made the pet reconsider.

He didn’t fight as the muzzle was closed, tighter than before. Something sharp sliced against his tongue lightly and he jerked back with a whine. Sharp? A sharp bit?! He could barely even swallow to get rid his mouth of that terrible taste. His eyes pleaded with Casey, who didn’t seem affected by the teary green look.

“There,” said Casey, petting down Rudy’s hair as if nothing happened. “Isn’t that better. Are you going to be a good boy for me now?”

Rudy didn’t know how to answer.

~~

“Hungry, Arch?” Casey asked as he turned from the stove. The boy was at the very end of the lead hanging from the man’s waist, backed up against the wall. The pet shook his head vigorously, hard enough to make the rings on the muzzle chime against each other. Casey huffed a laugh and turned back to his saucepan.

No food then.

~~

Rudy laid in the little dog bed, hands closed away in mittens with a softer muzzle strapped into place. Thankfully, this one didn’t have a bit, but it was still pressure around his face and head. Tears fell, again, and Rudy nuzzled his face into the padding.

He, he still belonged to Master - didn’t he?

He knew he belonged to Master because he was the one who fed him and clothed him and gave him a name and a collar and he stayed in his house. There were other human rules too, that proved he owned him. The chip in his arm and the code on his side and maybe other stuff too - but he didn’t know any of that. He had never had to worry about it.

But now he wasn’t in Master… Mason’s?... he wasn’t in that house, he wasn’t wearing that collar or being taken care of by him. Did, did that mean he belonged to Casey? Was… was it Master Casey? He didn’t know, didn’t know what to think. It was all so confusing.

He wanted to be home so incredibly badly, but didn’t Master Mason say that pets didn’t get wants? They didn’t get to decide what happened to them? They trusted their Master and their Master took care of them. He rolled over to his other side.

But no, because Master Casey (just Casey?) wasn’t following the human rules. Or maybe he was - the pet didn’t know. He couldn’t believe that stealing a pet from the park and shoving them in a trunk counted in human rules, but they weren’t for him to understand. Master Mason had taught him to not question those things and now Master Casey was doing things he didn’t understand and, and....

A sob broke out and the pet pressed farther into the bed, desperate for comfort but not knowing if he was allowed to get it. Or if he was supposed to want it? It hurt to think, everything hurt so much to try and untangle. He wanted someone - anyone - to come along and tell him what to do. To explain it to him, to make the bad feelings go away. That’s what Master Mason had done, he had made the bad feelings go away. Slowly, the pet raised up and peered over the foot of the bed to see Master Casey looking on his phone. He whimpered.

Casey looked up to see the boy absolutely distraught. He let out a sad ‘aww’ and put away his phone to go to him. The pet tired to wipe its eyes with the mittens and sniffled, leaning towards him.

“Here, let’s take these off,” he said, gently releasing the buckles and guiding the mittens away. The pet laid its head on his shoulder and Casey felt his heart lift. He pulled the smaller boy onto the bed with him and held him close. The boy settled into him, obviously accepting as Master and wanting comfort from him.

It was so satisfying.

“There you are, there you are sweetheart. See? I knew you’d figure it out. You’re gonna be such a good boy for me, I just know it. Someday, I’ll find someone to correct your chip and then you’ll really be mine.”

Rudy’s eyes flashed open from where he was nuzzled into the man’s chest. ‘Really’ be his. He wasn’t his. He did belong to Master - Casey was the thief. He tried to keep his breathing slow, to not disturb the man holding him. He need out, he needed to go home, still. Then, he noticed the man starting to breathe slowly, starting to relax. He froze, a dangerous thought growing in his head.

He was falling asleep. Rudy could get away when he was asleep.

It felt like it took so long, but eventually there was a soft snoring coming from above him. Rudy peeked up to see his eyes closed, face slack. Oh so carefully, he pulled away one arm, then another, then eased farther away. He froze again, pulse hammering in his throat, watching to see if the man would stir.

He didn’t.

Holding his breath, Rudy placed both feet on the ground and stood. The floor was mercifully carpet, not producing any noise to get him caught. He took one step, then another, until he was out of the bedroom and into the hall. It was dark, only a forgotten bathroom light to illuminate his path.

As quietly as possible, he crept down until he saw the doors again. He knew from the first time that they were both locked, and that he would have to find another way out.

That’s when he noticed the window above the sink open slightly.

Casey had kept him on a lead the entire time, never letting him get too far away. It had been pure luck he was taken off one that night, and that must have been why he left it open.

Rudy climbed up onto the sink and pushed it open slowly, hoping it wouldn’t be too loud. The fact it wasn’t excited him a bit - until he looked out.

That, that was a long way to the ground.

He gulped and realized he was still wearing the muzzle. With shaky hands, the buckles were eventually worked through and released. He had to take a very deep breath after, never having taken off his own muzzle before. It felt like he was being bad, but it was Casey that put it on him, so he must be allowed.

Laying it down on the counter, Rudy considered the window again. There was grass below, which would be better - right? He looked around for a rope or something to use to lower down, but his anxiety was starting to get the best of him. Casey could wake up at any moment, and he wouldn’t get a chance like that again.

Feeling like his last option, Rudy climbed up onto the counter and put one of his legs through. Breathing hard, he looked one last time to make sure Casey hadn’t woken up.

He put the other leg through and climbed out.

~~

taggg: @whumpingredroses @suspicious-whumping-egg @as-a-matter-of-whump @albino-whumpee