#love all the dehumanization of someone so desperate to be human. go on make him feel even more alien im HERE FOR IT. IM EATING THIS SHIT UP

[1punch]

do you guys remember when Saitama was City Z's local cryptic horror becuz he kept leaving drastic destruction behind after killing monsters and no one knew anything abt him

[alastors-antlers]

Why Alastor is good aroace rep after all, written by an aroace

Hello all! I just want to start off this post by saying that I'm one person who definitely doesn't speak for all aroaces, but I wanted to make a post on this anyway, and maybe some folk would be interested in hearing out another perspective?

I'm not really caught up on everything that's been said over the course of HH's creation - only more recent interviews, since I'm pretty new to the fandom. Apologies if I've missed anything, but also I do not have the time to keep up with all the out-of-canon-material backstory unfortunately. I'm working with what we've got here.

So here's the thing:

Alastor is cruel, he's narcissistic, he doesn't care about anyone except himself, he's a serial killer and a monster.

(That's the argument I've heard - please tell me if that's not really what people are going for lol, in which case I've totally misunderstood?)

The issue with aroace rep when it paints asexual people with those traits is that it aims to dehumanizes them. Sex and love are essential to the human experience, right? So why wouldn't someone be interested? Because they're self-absorbed, and cold, and detached. They don't have the capacity to love others enough to feel romance.

And sure, Alastor is a killer, and a schemer, and prideful, and a monster by hell's standards. But no matter how above it all and stylish and in control and provocative he wants to be, he's a very human character, and his aroace-ness never serves to add to his alienation. You could even say that it makes him seem even more personable.

That's what I think is the key difference.

why he's human

Alastor's whole persona is about control, and he basically straight-up says this. He's controlling what his enemies know, what his public image is like. His goal is to be the Radio Demon -- overlord of Hell, charismatic, Machiavellian, and undefeatable. He's not. Despite that smile plastered over his face (a powerful tool, huh) he's so expressive for someone who's constantly pretending.

You see his exasperation with the Egg Bois and with Charlie's ranting; his nervousness in front of Zestial; his frustration with Lucifer and the petty lengths he goes to to piss off the ruler of Hell.

You see his desperation, making that deal with Charlie. He's surprised by the idea of being vulnerable in front of an enemy like Adam, and so close to danger. He drops the radio filter and the affect out of fear, and runs on broadcast TV to let out panic and anger and bitterness in his hideout, where no one else can see him.

He has a smile that tells us he's genuinely happy to see someone; it's a little wider than his default. You see it with Mimzy's greeting, you see it with Rosie. Rosie, especially, serves to make Alastor more human to the audience. More on this later, but for now, I'm just saying that you can see that he at least seems to respect her greatly. Whatever bond they have, we know that he trusts her to touch him, to share history with him, and with support that he trusts no one else for.

He pretends, but he can't pretend it all away. Loads of these emotions aren't even advantageous for him to show. It isn't necessarily how the typical asexual psychopath acts; he's not emotionless or only capable of anger or brutality.

He's so full of emotion that it leaks through, despite all that he does to avoid it. He's not inhuman and aloof, not really - he's so, so human, even when he tries not to be because he thinks that'll be what keeps him above all the rest. In control, and free from his chains.

(If anyone wants to see images about all this, I'll make a separate post - just let me know.)

(I also have another post, talking about why Alastor is at least a little attached to the hotel's residents too, shown via conversation with Niffty. In what way? different question.)

how the aroace part contributes to that

Now, to be fair, we don't hear much about his aroaceness in canon. It's just not relevant a lot of the time.

In the pilot, Angel's proposition ruffles his feathers so much that Alastor blanks for a moment. It's a joke, sure, but that ace panic face is a pretty popular Alastor moment in the fandom - Alastor, thrown off-balance by a sex joke of all things, after so many years in Hell that he should probably be used to this.

It's a moment that makes him more approachable; his aroaceness shows him unprepared for something someone else does for one of the only real moments in the whole episode.

And the other part: the ace in the hole statement.

Rosie apparently knows Alastor so well that she read that he's aroace. That tells us about their relationship; namely, that it is long-standing and genuine enough that she gleaned a piece of real information from him. It's a casual fact that she knows about him before he even figured it out himself. It lends legitimacy to their bond - this bond that shows us a more comfortable and warm side of Alastor that we don't often see.

If their relationship is purely business, isn't this something pretty frivolous and personal? It's not like he has anything to gain by telling her about his life, but she learned about it somehow. How close are they? That's where it adds a layer of complexity and personality to his character..

thoughts on representation

Overall, Alastor's an interesting character who has a level of depth and care and personality (outside of cruelty) that asexual psychopath tropes lack. Again, the moments where he's being represented as disinterested in sex or romance don't make him seem detached. Again, they don't say "look how hostile toward relationships his behaviour is - how separate he is from our humanity". That's what bad villain ace rep is. That's not what the show's doing.

Also: I'm not saying that we need to lower our standards or anything, but even if you think it's not the best rep, I feel like we should be supporting HH's efforts here. I know that on Tumblr we have a pretty queer-friendly space going, which is honestly an understatement lol but

Aces are incredibly underrepresented in fiction. There's a whole Wikipedia page about asexual characters in media, and it's short as all hell, and even if you consider what's on there you see quite a number of one-off characters who are never mentioned again.

In terms of real life business - before the DSM updated their definition of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in 2013, identifying as asexual wasn't even a recognized thing. If you talked to a clinician about your lack of sexual desire, you could be diagnosed with a disorder. Only in the 5th edition do we now have a little exclusion footnote about it.

The concept of asexuality hasn't been explored nearly as much as other queer identities in our scientific research. We get crumbs in terms of mainstream representation and understanding. House M.D. has an episode where House "disproves" us because he's just so smart.

Alastor isn't going to be perfect representation. There's no such thing as perfect representation, and from the moment he was conceptualized, you could see how people would take him poorly. Still, I think he's a net positive.

He isn't a side character or a token ace - he's a core part of the show, whose personality and character motivations we can reasonably presume are going to be explored much more deeply in upcoming season(s). He's loved by the fandom. Right now, given what we know, I trust Vivziepop to write the aroace representation he deserves, because with the way I've heard the cast/directing/etc. talk about him, they're trying to do the aroace community justice, so I wish people would let up just a little on the whole "Alastor is bad rep".

Let's give him a chance, all right?

[shmlnbstrcnd]

How AOT's main trio set Ymir free

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa all taught the Founder Ymir valuable lessons, and were instrumental in setting her free. All three of them caught Ymir's attention and she made the effort to reach out to them personally in different ways, observe them, learn from them.

First Eren reached her in the Paths and told her that she's her own person, and can choose what SHE wants rather than follow orders. This was the first time in her long, miserable life, that someone called her a human being. The first time in 2000 years (that would have felt even longer in the Paths, closer to millions of years), that she was told what happened to her was wrong. In her life, she had spent her whole life as a dehumanized slave without any acknowledgement of her own humanity. Eren opened her eyes (literally) to the injustice of her situation and taught her autonomy.

Then Armin arrived to fight Eren, and Ymir watched his every movement closely, even stealing him into the Paths with the Okapi and trapping him there. She watched his conversation with Zeke where he shared that the meaning of life is in appreciating the little moments and the love you already have rather than chasing an unattainable dream. In her life, she longed for an unattainable love/validation from King Fritz who was incapable of giving it to her, since he's a monstrous psychopath. She lived and died yearning for something she would never receive, rather than living for what she had (her daughters). Armin taught her the true meaning of life.

Lastly, Mikasa. From the moment Ymir noticed Mikasa's love for Eren, she was intrigued. She began to peak through Mikasa's lifetime memories, causing her headaches. Then Mikasa killed Eren despite loving him, knowing it's the right thing to do and proving she's not a slave. Ymir herself couldn't do this in her own life, instead choosing to die for the monster she loved, instead of killing him. Mikasa taught her that love does not equal submission.

In the end, all three of the main trio were instrumental in setting Ymir free. In her last appearance, Ymir had a vision of what she wished she had done, what she WOULD have done had she received these three lessons earlier in her life. She would have protected her beloved daughters, the truly important and precious things in her life, rather than being a slave to the abusive king. If she were given another chance, she would have let him die.

In the end, Ymir's deepest most primal desire was a pure and loving human connection, some semblance of tenderness and care, something she was so deprived of. This desire was so strong that it bled into every single Eldian, connecting them all to Ymir through the Paths. One lonely, abused little girl's desperate need to be loved, enveloping every one of her subjects, binding them all to her in an all-consuming web. She has always been desperately reaching out to other people.

In her ill young mind she mistook the king's sick """rewards""" as that love she craved. Eren made her realize "what he did to me was wrong and I have a right to my anger", Armin made her realize "I shouldn't have waited for love from him that would've never come and instead cherished the love of my children", Mikasa made her realize "I should have let him die/killed him myself". Acknowledging all this and making peace with her tragic life and the decisions she made, allowed her to let go. She finally moved on, and in this moment, she appeared not as an immature child, like she did throughout the Rumbling, but now as a grown adult woman.

Ymir's story in the finale is essentially a coming-of-age story from the perspective of a mentally ill, dehumanized slave. She starts the finale as someone with arrested development lashing out at the world, and ends it as an adult at peace with herself. Eren invited her to indulge in her rage. Armin helped her consider what was truly important. Mikasa healed her and allowed her to let go. All three protagonists were valuable and influential in freeing Ymir.

[imissivan]

the thing is that no one ever taught ivan how to love. no one really taught ivan what love is, even—how to give it, when to hold it back, how to take it, and what it felt like to be cherished and valued and loved, loved, loved. can he be blamed for going about it in all the wrong ways?

on the other hand, till has never not been loved. he’s been hated, abused, dehumanized, put through horror after horror. but through it all, from life to—from birth, love always found its way to him. but he didn’t exactly have the words for it, either. didn’t have the words to express his own love, actually. so used to receiving it, his only way of giving it back was through song. sharing his happiness. it’s not his fault that he couldn’t see how that might never occur to someone to do, who had never experienced real happiness before.

still, love is the most human thing of all. even in the blackest of sorrows, it will find a way.

read this on AO3 — WE AREN’T HEROES —

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61117030

ivan leaned back against the plush couch he was sitting on, affecting coolness, calmness. it wouldn’t do to let the aliens surrounding him on all sides know of any emotional turmoil beneath his mask—it would be a weakness for them to exploit, a new and crueler show to force ivan to dance to, or simply upset their celebratory atmosphere and result in punishment. or worse, they’d send him home, leaving till here by himself.

pretending to smile and laugh at something said to the group formed around him, ivan shifted position, sweeping his gaze across the large and segmented party room, looking for till. he wasn’t dealing with mitzi’s disappearance well, nor sua’s—the four of them weren’t confidantes, but they were constant companions in the garden. rather, they had been. till was sitting quietly, a concept that clashed desperately with the furious wreck of energy and emotion that ivan knew till to be. till was sitting quietly at a table next to his owner, a foul mouthed alien whose cruelty was matched only by his wealth. painful circles were carved beneath his eyes. till usually looked sleepless, but it also usually contrasted against a bright burning of life in his eyes, spite and music and hope. but his eyes were lifeless. dim. and it revealed just how beaten and abused his body really was.

he looked like an entirely different person to his stage portrait—and every time ivan saw it, he felt sick. he thought of all the nights he’d crawled into till’s medical bed, held his hand as he slept in fits and starts, yanking out of sleep with sharp jerks and flinching away from ivan every time he awoke, until till recognized ivan’s face, and relaxed again. ivan stayed awake, eyes unblinking, watching to make sure till would not be spirited away in the night. and just watching. he couldn’t explain why, but something about till was just so deeply fascinating to ivan. till was attractive, yes, and ivan would call him beautiful, actually, especially when he was sparkin’ mad or embarrassed. but the aliens tired of beauty quickly. faster and faster all the time. and anyway, would ivan feel so protective of a particularly gorgeous piece of art?

till stared blankly into the plate of food set in front of him, and ivan’s hand twitched into a fist. he was so close, maybe if ivan excused himself to the bathroom, he could just brush his fingertips across till’s shoulders—anything, anything to banish the deathly stillness ivan was watching now.

a loud bang of a hand, much larger and with more digits than ivan’s, slammed the couch next to ivan’s leg. “[you are not paying attention!]” the alien snapped several times in front of ivan’s face. “[do not make me get the rod, and ruin the party for my guests.]”

another alien, with long drooping antennae sprouting where a human’s hair might grow, placed a hand on the first’s arm and purred, “[such a thing can be entertaining on its own, actually. have you heard of—]”

across the way, till’s alien yanked on his collar. till almost fell out of his chair, catching himself only at the last second. till’s alien gestured to the stage, and another yanked till to his feet, then shoved him up to the microphone. the music started, and a selfish part of ivan was almost excited to hear till sing (he always wanted to hear till singing) (a sound beaten only by till’s laughter, a throaty, obnoxious sound that came all too rarely). ivan tensed. till looked so far away, so glazed over. his cue to begin singing came and went. he only stared at the microphone.

till’s alien went fast to violence. never one for patience. grabbing till by the face. forcing him down. ivan was standing, was taking faltering half-steps towards till. what could he do? what could he do? wracking his brain in desperation. clicks and hisses of irritation from the aliens he was meant to be entertaining.

then till snapped. reared back. launched himself at his alien. a sound of shattering glass—till had a bottle in his hand. was using it to beat his alien bloody. thud after thud.

ivan was terrified, angry. with who, for what, he couldn’t say.

chaos. guests surged away as bodyguards and other pet owners surged forward, eager to please, eager to demonstrate their own training prowess. ivan moved to get closer, unsure of what to do, but just listening to an animal instinct that said as long as ivan kept his eyes on him, till would be fine. so long as ivan kept till in his sights, it would all be okay. (never mind that this had not stopped them from both being drafted for this season.)

ivan’s own alien was not at the party, so it was the one with the fleshy hands that assumed responsibility for human pet Ivan. it grabbed a thick handful of ivan’s hair and yanked him backward. ivan resisted by instinct, scalp burning. there was yelling in his face, painful in his ears. he ignored it, trying to see what they were doing to till. there was a human yelp, an involuntary sound of pain, and then several sick thuds. ivan’s guest kicked at ivan’s legs, forcing him to the ground with a bang against his knees that would surely bruise.

he gave in. he crouched and raised his hands in front of him, showing he was cooperative, he was nonviolent, he was a good little human pet, wasn’t he? his heart twisting the whole time. he couldn’t see till, but he could hear. the whole thing, he could hear with crystal clarity.

when it was over, the pets were all shuffled out of the party, maybe as a punishment, maybe for security, maybe as a reminder that they were kept around only for entertainment and little else. all of them but till. as ivan limped—slightly, only slightly—past the opulence of the aliens’ banquet, he saw till slumped on the ground next to his alien, the creature’s hand in till’s hair, possessive and dominant.

ivan could do nothing but continue limping out of the party. sick to his stomach with his own helplessness, and angry at till for giving up on his own life so easily.

hours and hours later, ivan finally found him. till was passed out in the same place, the same position, and leaning against the sofa next to him, still on the floor. bruises of deep mariner blue and sunset purple had already formed along his jaw, a sight that made ivan’s heart stutter. what had he been thinking? years, they’d been doing this. what had made him snap this time?

ivan crouched beside till’s sleeping form and unlocked his muzzle with one small motion. till’s breaths were alarmingly shallow. ivan lightly, as gently as he could, brushed his fingers across the bruises. cold heat gathered in ivan’s head. useless, he’d been. useless, till was. just the same as mizi. just the same as sua (sua, who was dead now. who’d sacrificed her life for someone who was also never going to get out of this place alive) (sua, who ivan had felt contempt for, every time she shared a happy moment with mizi, planning the whole time to die for her).

ivan’s body suddenly felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds. he put a hand against the wall to brace himself, leaning down more closely to till. even in his sleep, he looked troubled. no, he looked more animated than other people. than ivan, whose mask of ice wasn’t something he intended to wear. any amount of emotion on till’s face seemed obscene with ivan in the room.

till… was it thoughts of mizi that made him snap? had till even known that ivan was in the room with him, not fifteen feet away? what had sua been thinking, as she climbed the steps to the stage, as she greeted the person she cared for more than any other, knowing that only one of them would walk away? as she put in action her plan to be the one who fell, lifeless, and forced the other to live on with the pain of that loss?

what was ivan going to do tomorrow, when he was faced with the same?

they were too old now to sleep in the same bed, but ivan wished they could anyway. it would be their last night together, whoever won (whatever he decided). softly, he leaned down and pressed his forehead to till’s, breathing in his scent. his skin was rough, but ivan had always liked things with an edge.

in that half-caress, ivan let his eyes drift closed, and made his choice.

[jubilost]

deeply obsessed with how desperately woljif wants love. not sex or a relationship(though i don't think he'd be opposed to either, it's not his endgoal), just love, real love, reciprocal and warm and both given and received as an equal. he so consistently reaches out to others despite being screwed over every single time. however jaded he claims to be, he's obviously always hoping that this time things will be different. this time it'll all go well, someone will finally be glad to have him in their life and he'll be happier for it.

even the fantasy conjured by dark magic to distract him is just the queen apologizing for his troubles while his relatives(as he imagines them, having never met most of them) tell him they love him and regret rejecting him. there's no real malice to it. sure, he tells them to beg for forgiveness louder, but it's not like he's threatening them with execution or making them suffer anything worse than embarrassment. his wildest dream is to live in a nice house and be shown all the care and affection that he's been denied thus far.

boiling it down to "he wants family" feels too simple. it's definitely true, but he'll take anything on equal footing. the thoughtless adoration he gets from leading a cult only sets him on edge; fetishization is another form of dehumanization, and he realizes that, along with just not having the penchant for cruelty he'd need for that particular lifestyle. after, what, a day? two? talking to deval, he's already willing to stick his neck out for him in the hopes he's met someone who likes him as a person. it broke my heart a little to see woljif's trust again be betrayed as familiar power dynamics fell back into place - he's a lower class tiefling talking to a human noble, when he's not holding deval's life in his hands he's just another inferior.

i think this is a big part of why he doesn't reach out to the protagonist as much as he does some NPCs(at least not until his quest in the abyss). regardless of their background, they hold power over him. they're an influential figure, they're rich off selling magical loot, they could easily cut him out of their life once he's no longer useful. we only get hints at that desperate need to fill the void left by a lifetime of toxic relationships, like him offering to run off and start a cult with the protagonist or how he refers to himself as "brother woljif" in some banter(yeah yeah the thieflings call each other family- but he's the only thiefling in the party, how does that make him our brother?).

i don't know, i just adore this guy. he's so driven by the need for love and understanding despite everything he's been through. according to his character sheet he worships a goddess of vengeance but his revenge fantasy is just harmlessly flaunting power and having a feast in his mansion. woljif jefto i would do anything for you.

[cosmicjoke]

Levi's Guidance Didn't Lead Eren Down a Path Toward Genocide:

I love how some people try to blame Levi for Eren ultimately choosing to do what he did with the Rumbling. I just saw someone claim that because of the advice Levi gave to Eren, and the mounting pressure being placed on his shoulders, that it formed an "ideology" in Eren that eventually led to him determining the Rumbling was the only course of action to be taken to save Paradis and his friends.

I know where they're getting this from. There's that moment during the RtS arc, after Eren manages to plug the hole in Wall Maria, when Levi tells him that their mission isn't over until all of their enemies are killed. This moment here:

They think this, along with Levi telling Eren to make whatever choice he can live with during the Female Titan arc, was central in Eren coming to the conclusion that he would have to wipe out all of humanity in order to safeguard the island and his friends.

The problem with this assessment, though, is that it assumes Eren actually believed the rest of humanity was really their enemies and that their extermination was necessary to protecting the people he loved. But we know Eren didn't actually believe that. When he arrives in Marley for the first time, and he looks around at all these people, he admits to himself that they aren't his enemies. That they're just regular people, like all of them were, back on Paradis the day Wall Maria fell.

This assessment further assumes that Eren's goal was to protect Paradis and his friends, which we know isn't true, because he admits the real reason to Ramzi, and then later Armin, which is that he wanted to do what he did in order to experience his idea of true freedom. The landscapes he saw in Armin's book, of an unexplored world devoid of humanity.

Jean as much as points out the lie of Eren's words, all the times leading up to this moment in which he'd claimed he was doing what he was doing to protect his loved ones:

Eren's idea of who the enemy was then was very simplistic. Titans were the enemy. Bertolt and Reiner were the enemy. That was it. The simplicity of this belief is reflected in how Eren swears to Reiner to one day kill him, right after Reiner kidnaps him. Through him repeatedly calling Reiner a "monster", dehumanizing him. But we see this simplistic idea of who their enemy is begin to shatter after they discover the truth of humanity beyond the Walls, when we see Eren's despondent demeanor at the ocean, when he asks if they kill all of their enemies on the other side of the sea, will they be free. And we see it shattered entirely when he has his encounter with Reiner, four years later, when Reiner reminds Eren of how he swore to kill him, and Eren half-heartedly recalls it, before admitting he no longer has any interest in that. This is Eren admitting that he understands now that Reiner was just like him, in the same position as he was. That he thought he was fighting a devil, just like Eren, and just like Eren knows he's going to do, Reiner also killed people after he understood they weren't really his enemy at all, weren't monsters or devils.

Claiming that Levi's advice to Eren is what pushed him toward committing the Rumbling requires one to believe that Eren committed the Rumbling while still holding the same, simplistic, black and white view of who their enemies were back when they retook Wall Maria. It requires one to believe that Eren still believes these people he's going to kill are inhuman monsters. That Eren doesn't know the people he's killing aren't his enemy at all. That Eren doesn't know they pose no threat to him.

But Eren does know those things. He absolutely knows.

What people don't seem to get about Eren's character is that all of his internal reasoning leading up to his triggering of the Rumbling is Eren trying desperately to convince himself that what he's doing is justified. He's seen the future. He's seen what he does. And so he tells himself all manner of lie to explain it away and save himself from the awful truth and the crushing guilt that comes with it.

He tells himself that he must have seen the future he did because they weren't able to find another solution. He tries to convince himself that he wouldn't have seen that specific future for any other reason. But then, Eren never gave the Survey Corps or anyone else a chance to even try to come up with another solution. He uses the hateful rhetoric spoken against the Paradisian Eldians as an excuse to move forward with his plan, but he'd already made that choice long before, had already schemed with Yelena and Floch and Zeke, long before they ever made it to Marley. Had already told Historia what his true intentions were, to betray Zeke and destroy all of humanity beyond the Walls. He was already decided on his course of action before they could ever travel to Marley to attempt negotiations. Again, it's just an excuse Eren tells himself and others to cope with his guilt and convince himself his actions are justified.

We see Eren's internal struggle once they arrive there because, as already pointed out, he realizes these people are just regular human beings, not monsters. He realizes they're all innocent and pose no threat to their lives. He's conscious of the fact that, just from the sheer numbers, it isn't justifiable to kill so many people to save so much fewer. He knows he's going to do it, but logically he can't see the reasoning, can't really convince himself that it's something that sits right with his heart. Still, he tries. He tries to convince himself that it isn't out of his own, evil desire, or out of some malicious intent, but that he's going to, as he says, "commit the greatest act of violence in history" because he just can't accept Zeke's plan of sterilizing the Eldian race, because it isn't a fair ending. He's trying to frame it to himself here as some act of righteousness. He goes through all of this, all of these rationalizations and excuses, before his breakdown with Ramzi and his confession of the truth.

He excuses his actions, right up to the very end, by telling himself and others that it's because of what he's been taught by example. This idea that he has to just keep "moving forward", parroting Hange's words back at Falco, and then again later, back at Hange. This idea that he has to "kill all of their enemies", like Levi told him during the mission to retake Maria. That he has to decide for himself, like Levi told him during the Female Titan arc.

But Eren committed the Rumbling, not to wipe out their enemies, not to keep moving forward, not to protect his friends or the island, but to fulfill his personal dream of freedom.

This wasn't a case of Eren misunderstanding Levi's advice, or even twisting it to fit his agenda or justify his actions. This wasn't a case of Eren forming an ideological mindset based off of Levi's words to him during the RtS arc.

You can't lay the blame for his actions at Levi's, or anyone else's feet, because Eren already well understood by the time he enacted the Rumbling, and even well before, that there was no justification for it. No excuse. No reasoning beyond his own, selfish desires. He wasn't driven toward it genuinely believing there was no other way.

Levi told Eren to make the choice he could live with, and in the end, Eren wound up doing the exact opposite. He made the choice that he knew could only and should only result in his own death.

He died with nothing but regret. It's why he breaks down like a pathetic child at the end, with Armin, and cries about not wanting to die, about wanting Mikasa to not move on from him. He doesn't feel fulfilled or unburdened by his choices. He doesn't feel at peace.

Because he knows he did the wrong thing, and he always knew he was doing the wrong thing. He wasn't lost in ideology. He wasn't confused about Levi's meaning, or Hange's meaning, or anyone else's meaning. He didn't misinterpret or misunderstand what they meant. He didn't get mixed up in the head from their words. He didn't get sent down the wrong path by their advice.

What he did was use their words and their advice to justify, both to himself and to others, what he already knew and had already decided he was going to do. He hid behind those things as a coping mechanism, to put a buffer between himself and the reality of what he was. To give himself a reason that made him feel like less of a monster, until finally he couldn't deny the truth anymore.

But Eren 100% knew what he was doing, and his choices were 100% on him.

He wasn't confused, or misguided. He didn't misunderstand anything. He understood perfectly well what Levi meant. What Hange meant. He understood perfectly well what the original purpose and ideals of the Survey Corps were and the ways in which they were now being perverted.

Floch and his fellow Yeagerists were lost in ideology. They misunderstood and misinterpreted. They twisted the original ideals of the SC to fit their agenda. They were sent down a bad path by Eren. But Eren always knew the truth. He never believed what he was doing was right or necessary.

Nobody made Eren the way he was, and nobody made Eren do what he did.

As he said to Zeke, as he said to Reiner, he was just born this way.

[theonlyqualitytrash]

—I am continuing as I said.

You're my spirit animal. You get it. You really do! It's like our minds are in sync. I can feel a genetic connection.

For me, it clicked in my head the moment when Fyodor looked down at Atsushi in pure disgust, anger, and disappointment when Atsushi desperately begged him to save his friend's life. I think in that moment Fyodor saw himself in Atsushi - the man he once was - that innocence. He was reminded of the humanity he had lost over time - the same helplessness he had once experienced, the emotions so vulnerable that it caused him to lose everything (perhaps the first time he discovered his ability). I just know that that man will have the most tragic backstory imaginable and that I will bawl my eyes out. Slowly forgetting who you used to be, your family, your friends...watching everyone you love die…being condemned to centuries of loneliness because of an ability that's more of a curse than a gift...and the fact that he is deep down craving to bond with someone. I can’t even imagine how dehumanizing all of this must have been for him. To be betrayed and murdered over and over again, to witness all the horrible events throughout history... I am honestly worried about his sanity. Can we blame him for what he wants to achieve? I wish I could give him a big hug. 😞

I'm so angry at the anime for taking away those silly moments that showed Fyodor's remaining humanity and replacing them with serious scenes. They really disliked him, huh? By the way, agree with you. It is shallow to say being cold and calculating is all he is because his character is much, much more complex than that. I think his coldness and calculating are acquired traits. I find him to be one of the most mischaracterized characters by the fandom, and I think it's because most people don't actually care about the actual plot. They just want their favorite ships and characters to be the center of focus all the time so badly that they don't stop for one second to think and just complain about everything. Like okay, I get it, I want to see my favorite side characters too, but they are not relevant to the unfolding story right now. It wouldn't make any sense to suddenly show them like a commercial break while Atsushi is in a dangerous situation and being repeatedly traumatized. ☠️ Plus I feel like this kind of behavior is very disrespectful to Asagiri-sensei, to Harukawa-sensei, and to the work and the effort of everyone who has been working on this manga. I mean, no one is forcing them to read. 🤷‍♀️

I do not understand how some people don't like the recent chapters or the direction in which the story is going. Yes, it's a bit confusing sometimes, but I think that's the reason why this manga has become much more intriguing than ever before. Because it makes you think about every little thing. Asagiri-sensei is COOKING.

Finally, all the spotlight is on our main character Atsushi, and our main anti-villain Fyodor. I'm excited to see how things will take a turn. I think it's a good thing that there won't be any new chapters until February, it will give the fandom time to digest all the new information (and deaths 😭).

And now that Fukuzawa is gone too, Atsushi can either go berserk and lose control of Byakko, fighting with everything he has, and possibly manage to do some damage, but Fyodor would still be able to escape or he’d try to join him for the sake of getting the page from Fyodor (though I doubt Fyodor wouldn't have figured such a thing out the moment he tries to, but still). So, I don't think Atsushi will succumb to despair yet (but the concept would be very interesting to watch tho). That page is still a source of hope for him. (Plus the living members)

(I don't know about Viego but I LOVE Snape and the Undertaker as well. Heavy on the Undertaker, by the way.)

AND FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO LOVES MY BOI ATSUSHI FOR HE IS ONE OF MY FAVES TOO. I also really like Kyōka, Nikolai, Lucy, Dazai, Sigma, Ryūnosuke, Chūya, Aya, Higuchi, and Oda…

(proceeds to list almost the whole cast 💀)

But of course, despite all the above, there is only one person who 24/7 occupies both my mind and my heart... - Fyodor.

I'm afraid I'm too loyal. Even with fictional characters.

The message you wrote at the end of your answer means a lot to me, thank you. 🤍🌸🌺 Likewise, please try to take care of yourself and be sure to listen to your own advice too! I've never heard of holding an ice cube in your hands to calm down before, but I'm going to try it if I ever feel overwhelmed. I'm sure it will work as it's funny to even think about doing it. 😭

I loved reading all of your thoughts; it’s so refreshing to see someone else get equally excited about the same things I do! We can just geek out and deep dive without restraint, and that’s what I find niche about the internet—screaming into the void and having people scream at you back :))

I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. You’ve voiced my thoughts exactly! Although I understand why they cut certain scenes from the anime (animating is tedious, after all 😞), it still hurts because those moments were so important to Fyodor’s character and how people perceive him. No joke, I have a word document where I’ve listed all the times Fyodor smiles or shows any emotion—and spoiler alert, it’s a lot more than the anime lets on.

"I find him to be one of the most mischaracterized characters by the fandom"—THIS! Popular characters get mischaracterized the most because of their success. Fyodor’s definitely fallen into that category, and along with him, Chuya, Dazai, Poe, and Sigma have suffered the same fate. I think it ties into the shipping problem you mentioned: I’m not an avid shipper myself, but I understand it as a creative outlet. The issue arises when fanon (born from ships) starts overwriting the canon version of characters. It can be really frustrating when you just want to see a character explored more deeply without stripping them of their core traits. But, at the end of the day, I can’t blame anyone for enjoying what they do.

Regarding the recent chapters: I think a lot of people don’t like them simply because they don’t understand them—and that’s okay! Our community spans a wide range of ages, but most of the fandom is middle-to-older teens, and that poses a problem when you’re dealing with a seinen manga which is meant for an older audience; while the anime, being more accessible, appeals to a younger crowd. The recent chapters have been chaotic and packed with info, and casually dropping quantum physics? As someone who loves learning new stuff, I’m all for it! Asagiri does a great job of explaining it in a way that’s digestible, but I know it’s a lot to take in for some. (Anyway I will have Fyodor mansplain everything to me please)

As for Atsushi, I also don’t think he’s going to succumb to despair. He’s a tough cookie, and we saw that at the end of Season 5 when the anime was hinting at the fight with Amenogozen. Also after Tanizaki's death, I think people started to realize that all this suffering is just pushing Atsushi to grow. It’s painful to watch, but it’s necessary for his character development. I’m also really curious to see how Fukuzawa’s death will affect both Atsushi and Kyōka. (I have a feeling Lucy will play a role with the phone)

Gosh my heart aches while thinking of irl Dostoevsky's works and how they all somehow have the overarching theme that love changes, people can be reborn and redeemed: so I am holding onto the thread that maybe, just maybe-very cliche I know-the power of love will save Fyodor. That perhaps Atsushi has the power to make Fyodor redeem himself. But sadly he seems resigned to his role as the solitary genius who need to cleanse the world of people like himself.

don't mind me sobbing about his character again

Some other things I want to lightly touch on:

Undertaker is THE goat in Kuroshitsuji (I loved the new season, also we are getting the emerald which act in 2025???? Crazy. I remembered when I first read the manga in 2017)

As silly as it sounds the ice cube trick works because our brains register the cold stimuli and it stops releasing cortisol and other stress inducing hormones! It is a neat life hack indeed :>

---

Discussions like these really spark joy in my heart :)) Please take care while out there <3

Kisses and good vibes, Q

[oigimi]

can’t sleep so i’m gonna write a rant defending arthur

I think that first and foremost it’s important to establish that Arthur canonically suffers from PTSD due to his time in war as a medic, and this impacts his behavior massively. Arthur’s playboy personality directly ties into his coping strategies with the fact that he’s seen countless people die, and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to save them all, but he desperately wanted to, and internalized the fact that people died in his care. He genuinely believes he is a person unworthy of love and affection like everyone else, so he puts up a smokescreen of a womanizing flirt to numb himself to the trauma he gained from his lifetime as a human. He is persistent in this, and in the game it’s clear that’s how he wants to present himself, as a way to separate himself mentally from everything he’s been through. He’s not gonna let his guard down easily with it, and I feel like understanding his facade is essential to his character.

He doesn’t dehumanize women. He’s very fond of them, and the “pretty skirt” idea he puts out is, once again, his facade he hopes to convince himself and everyone around him of. If Arthur puts himself out as a “rotten cad” (I believe those are his words), he can make himself believe he genuinely is that way, and doesn’t deserve genuine connections or love. Yes, sexual validation is how he earns his kicks pre-route, but honestly it’s not uncommon for trauma victims to act out in ways that seem irrational or erratic to cope. As someone with a cluster B personality disorder it’s honestly disheartening to see a response like that very commonly seen in the real world (especially in women) be chalked up to him “choosing to be a whore.” Becoming very sexual to cope with trauma is a very real thing and I don’t think that particular aspect should be held against him.

As for the bite early on in his route, I’m not gonna defend him on that, but neither is the narrative for the most part. Aside from the fact cybird for some reason chose that event to explain vampire bites’ aphrodisiac, Arthur is very much punished by the characters in the story, himself included for going against MC’s wishes, and his route largely is him respecting the boundaries laid out for him, paying his restitution, and earning his place in MC’s heart the real way by the end. He admits guilt and wrongdoing several times, to himself, to others, and to MC. I genuinely think looking at his whole arc is important here.

I’m not gonna force anyone to like Arthur, and if you genuinely just don’t like him for his attitude he puts out that’s fine, but I just wanted to get my rant out there as a little crazy boy who’s had him in my brain for 2 years now <3 peace and love ok bye

[ccycloneblogging]

Okay one- the funny switch did a thing and that last ask was Anonymous without me realizing (for it was I, REALM who asks about the napper crushing someone with an anvil!)- anyways here is my OC William!

There is an alt image but I won't post that here-

William is one of the Orphans (surprise! you get a human! One full of so much trauma!)- and knows a lot about what is happening inside of the factory... and I mean a LOT. The experiments, the working conditions, and where he fits into all that... that he could be killed at any moment and turned into a-... well actually not that last part. I'm not exactly sure what they did to the kids in your AU- but he would know about it!

This had lead to two things- 1) He desperately wants out and have been slowly building a plan to do so and 2) he is slightly (read very) going insane from what he knows. There is a lot more, so if you interested you can look here and here for more information about him!

Now unlike if he was is other AU's centered around the Factory... I'm not sure if he would have a worst time or better time.

On one hand, the Monsters are toons... and maybe not made with kids and not involved in the trauma and he can maybe be okay and not have to constantly avoiding getting picked next-

On the other hand the Toons are far, FAR less human to him. Their far far stronger then the Toy versions, able to kill him way easier, and far harder to kill- Not only that but in other AU's he would struggle with dehumanization- yes he thinks Catnap is not Theo but their still alive and people... but toons aren't that.

Their beings made of something else, things that don't bleed... rarely tire... and simply unnatural- far more then the versions in canon ever were... Insanity might just come to him easier in this setting, where his chances at escape are almost zero, where beings that could at any moment crush him, burn him, tear him apart is what they dare to call JOKES... yeah I think him watching any cartoons after all is said and done would give him heavy panic attacks and make him throw up far more violently then when he interacts with the Critters. This AU may actually be pure torment for poor William.

I also had an idea for this AU, that the 'Toon Force' is effected by emotions a far bit. Like if someone is a little grumpy it won't effect the jokes or gags much- but if someone was very angry or upset, be it a toon or another person, and by god if it was a shared emotion with a lot of people... well what do you think the gags that happened in the hour would twist into? Just a fun thought-

But it would leave William with a target on him- someone so filled with confusion, fear, malice, hate, sorrow, agony that it would be hell to avoid the Toons... they would interact with him to help... yet only add to his spiral : )

Looking forward to what comes next, wonderful work your doing here!

Okay, I know this took a while to get back to you, but let me ramble under the cut!

My man, William? This is a good OC for some ANGST. I absolutely love your ideas for him, and having an OC who was one of the kids in the orphanage that is fully aware of the horrors? That's some good shit right there!

Now - I hope you don't mind for this next part...

But I think that while the Critters are pulled straight from their cartoon, there are still kids being taken for experiments. If William was a kid in the Toon AU, I think this would happen.

He would still be adamant about fighting back, still be terrified of the critters. Despite the fact that DogDay, Bubba, and Picky in this AU does try their best to stall and protect the kids the most - William would want nothing to do with them.

Maybe he'd still see CatNap as the biggest threat, but CatNap might see how William realizes the horrors of this place as well.

Then... If you don't mind... I think I'd like to have William cameo in a scene with DogDay - one that will really trigger that guttural fear of cartoons. Yes, I'm certain he'd go insane and hate all cartoons after the Hour of Joy, but... I think seeing someone die right in front of him would make things so much worse.

While the toons are hard to kill, I imagine William might be able to at least adapt and learn some small gags to help him survive against them. Otherwise? He'll have to just deal with the other toys.

But yeah! Please let me know what you think as well! (And if you're not comfortable with a cameo, please tell me too!)

[nightcolorz]

cw: problematic gender stuff

Love how all the men in tvc have the most backwards complexes about their gender and masculinity that make my head spin. I think this is a product of whatever complex Anne Rice had going on about gender in her life but it pays off at least for my own enjoyment, lol. Keep in mind that these characters have very outdated, problematic, stereotypical, etc ideas about gender bcus old vampires are old. Lestat thinks he’s the pinnacle of masculinity and the ultimate manly man who’s 6’0 with a massive dick but literally no one in his life sees him that way. He’s generally perceived as foppish and a pretty boy and if he found this out he’d have an explosive identity crisis/meltdown that’d be everyone’s problem. (is this a plot line in blood canticle? Potentially, but I haven’t read it lmao). Lestat is also desperate to not be seen as a victim and victim hood and femininity are equated in his mind (old). Louis portrays himself (and wishes to be perceived) as a principled Catholic man but internally sees himself as subservient, weak and shameful, and “feminine minded” (see: https://www.tumblr.com/armandaniels/717587975606779904/louis-de-pointe-du-lac-the-first-man-to-be?source=share). Neither of these self assessments are accurate or healthy. He also believes that his perceived feminine way of being is inherently wrong bcus he is a Man but also it is True and Unchangeable so he is therefore incurably flawed. Internalized misogyny but ur a cis man and it’s also hand in hand with ur internalized homophobia basically. Just a lot of internalizations going on here overall. Armand’s a whole new beast. Armand’s ideas about his gender are so complicated I don’t know if I can accurately summarize them in a few sentences. It’s more tied to how he’s perceived and treated as someone who looks youthful, and feminine/androgynous bcus of his eternal age and how that perception plays into his own self image as a man, contrasted with Louis and Lestat where it mostly stems from problematic old fashioned gender norms and expectations clashing with their lives as queer vampires. That coupled with his life of being objectified and dehumanized, not even mentioning his relationship with religion and sex and how that applies to gender, and it’s just a lot. And the thing about all this is that I don’t know if any kind of modern gender language/tools/self reflection that I (and probably u let’s be real here) are familiar with as queer ppl would be helpful or even apply to them were they to use or explore them. This is bcus they’re all so disconnected from humanity and gender roles as ppl from centuries ago living lifetime after lifetime where gender roles and ideas of gender are consistently changing that I don’t think our new fancy gender terms would even compute in their brains. In conclusion I wish I could hook these freaks up with a vampire friendly therapist who could sort their shit out, but for better or for worse they are fake and beyond help either way.

[kazumahashimoto]

Do you think angeal is a hypocrite? Personally I don’t understand it. Angeal never intended his death to be honorable, genesis said they had no honor multiple times… he views himself as someone beyond redemption. It feels like it reduces angeal’s honor down to virtue signaling, when he meant every word even in death, it’s just he didn’t view himself personally worthy of those beliefs… he never lied, the definition is comparable to a liar or a fraud, which I don’t think is the intended message of angeal’s character.

I AGREE!!!!!!!!! completely

like i LOVE the wing reveal moment with "then what should an angel fight for, zack? what do angels dream of?" like he's not being hypocritical here, he's stopped viewing himself as a person. even humoring zack in seeing him as an angel, that still makes him not human. the next lines of "please, tell me!" "to be human." always get me.

and even when he says "we must destroy all those who create suffering, and i created my own suffering" he says WE and includes himself, he still holds onto those views even as he sees himself as being unworthy of them now. he's kind of grasping at straws here for a reason why he needs to die, but i don't think it's like in opposition to what he stands for. he's desperate and hurting and still clinging to what he's based his life around.

and i completely agree i don't think he was ever trying to have an honorable death fit for a hero, certainly not when he doesn't view himself as a person. he turns into penance specifically TO dehumanize himself and further justify why he has to die. even the NAME penance, he's trying to absolve his guilt, confessing the sin of being born inhuman. it's not hypocrisy, it's not that he doesn't still believe in dreams and honor, it's that he doesn't fully believe they can apply to him anymore, and he feels guilt for living.

so he has zack kill him, because zack IS worthy of those ideals, zack HAS dreams, he IS honorable. zack, to him, is more deserving. zack is human, and zack is good. i think also, he views zack killing him as a kind of final test, to see if zack will be okay without him. if zack can kill him, then he's taught him everything he can. and, if zack can kill him, he who creates suffering, then zack is even more worthy of his ideals. angeal cares about zack immensely so this moment, to him, is an intimate one. it sets the standard for the many many angeal clones to come die at zack's feet as well.

calling angeal a hypocrite feels a bit reductive of zack's character as well, don't you think? makes his death a bit empty, if this whole time he's been chasing the false ideals of his dead mentor. i really don't think that's what they were going for like. at all. zack IS meant to have had an honorable death, he finally FINALLY managed to save someone, this was him finally becoming a hero. when he dies he asks angeal if he's done it, if he's a hero, and the conclusion we're meant to come to is YES.

SO! no i don't think he's a hypocrite. i think he was self loathing and a bit selfish, certainly, but he believed in his ideals the whole way through. he doesn't die because his morals didn't align with how he actually behaved, he died because he felt like that couldn't actually apply to him anymore, and his continued existence would be sinful because of it.

[assortedfruitsnacks212]

Index - Billy Hargrove

Fic Series

Lost Boy (post-S3 AU, angst, horror, found family, eventual Billy x El) - in progress

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

It's been over two months since the Battle of Starcourt. Billy Hargrove survived, but he's not sure he should have. Scarred in body and mind, he has no idea who he is anymore. He spends his days drinking and fighting until Neil, incensed by his son's behavior, throws him out of the house.

Hopper and El come to the rescue, taking Billy home to live with them. Their compassion is unnerving... and exactly what he needed. However, as he adjusts to his newfound "family," he realizes something isn't right. He still feels the Shadow's call, urging him to kill.

Little does he know the Shadow doesn't need him to obey. It has another piece on the board, waiting to strike.

Worship The Flame (post-S3 future AU, Billy x El angst, fluff, smut) - in progress

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

It's May 1989. After three years in California, Billy returns to Hawkins for Max's high school graduation. He thinks he'll find everything—and everyone—as he left them. Turns out time has moved on in Hawkins, too, and a certain "little girl" isn't so little anymore. Now that he's back, she's desperate to prove it to him.

Too bad he swore he'll never fall for her. And if he does, there's no way her police chief father won't find out.

Oneshots

Enemy Of My Enemy (Eddie & Billy as awkward allies, pre-S3)

Billy Hargrove's been one of Eddie's best customers all year. Today though, when he shows up to the clearing with a black eye and stitches, Eddie knows this drug deal's gonna be different.

Fuck ‘Em (Eddie & Billy friendship, short S4 fix-it)

In the aftermath of the battle against Vecna, Eddie has an awkward heart to heart with Billy Hargrove.

She Knows (Billy & El one-sided friendship, short post-S3 AU)

Eleven tries to talk to Billy after the events of S3. It doesn't go well. Alternatively: Billy is scared to death of a teenage girl.

Have Mercy (Billy in Russia AU)

He’s been in Kamchatka for weeks now. The Russians, it seems, find him endlessly fascinating. They’ve dragged him to that small underground arena so many times he’s lost count, setting forth challenge after challenge. Bend this. Break that. It’s getting repetitive and, honestly, pretty boring.

All of that changes when they issue a new challenge—one that tests his humanity instead of his strength.

Amerikanyetz (Hopper finds Billy in Russia AU)

In a secret bunker in Kamchatka, Hopper finds another American prisoner. Someone who shouldn't be alive.

To My Younger Self (Billy & Hopper friendship, post-S3 AU, short letter fic)

From an AU where Billy survives Starcourt with major PTSD.

After an especially difficult week, Billy finds something on the dash of his car: a plain envelope with the words "To Billy, from Hopper" scrawled on the outside.

My AO3

My Art On Etsy

strangerthings4theories (Billy-centric theory blog)

Bileven Meta

Why I ship Billy x El

Billy and El are mirror images of each other

The phone booth: El hears Billy’s call for help

El is coded autistic

I’m not a perv for shipping Bileven. You’re just an asshole

The way this fandom dehumanizes El really gets to me sometimes

"What does your 'strawberry ice cream' tag mean?"

Bileven Extras

This gifset from The Boys perfectly captures the Bileven dynamic

“El would love Billy like a sister!”—I'm about to start making fun of y'all 🙄 (thread fic)

A years-long fight (thread fic)

Top ten Bileven songs

Bileven playlists

[nekropsii]

Cronus’s relentless, rapidly-changing attention-seeking behaviors, which manifest even in changes of identity, occurring ever since his childhood speak to some kind of deep-seated mental health issues.

Content Warning: Long, Discussion of Abuse, Toxic Behavior, Identity Issues, and Hemoloyalty.

On one hand, you have to acknowledge he feels extremely entitled to this attention, and does genuinely feel he deserves it purely for existing, but also the way he goes about trying to acquire this attention he so desperately craves is very… Well, concerning. It’s unhealthy for him, and downright toxic for others.

It’s interesting, a lot of the time when I see people try and tackle Cronus, they fail to realize that wanting attention isn’t that abnormal of a trait. Wanting attention is very human, and there are certain situations where feeling somewhat entitled to it is pretty warranted. The reason he’s shitty isn’t really because he wants attention and feels entitled to it, it’s more like… the supposed reason of why he feels so entitled to it in the first place is really shitty, and the way he goes about it is even worse. It’s completely steeped in a disgusting level of Hemoloyalty- because he’s Royalty by Blood Color, he feels himself to be inherently superior to others. His interactions with other people- and the ways he treats the concept of their attention and affections- are incredibly dehumanizing in a way most people can’t fathom replicating.

He’s like a spoiled child who couldn’t get the toy he wanted, and each rejection is like him getting told “No” for the first time. The way he acts extends far past a desperate desire to be Loved. It’d be far more accurate to say he has a desperate desire to be Worshipped. Really, I don’t at all think finding someone willing to have a Romantic and/or Sexual Relationship with him would fix him, or make him a better person. That… Just doesn’t make sense, considering his pattern of behavior. I don’t think he understands that Respect and Relationships aren’t just his for the taking- they’re a constant equal Give and Take. What he’s after isn’t a 50/50 Effort, because I don’t think he’s ever understood that he needs to put effort in to get what he wants in the real world. He doesn’t want Love, he kind of just wants someone to worship the ground he walks on purely because he exists.

The ways he goes about attempting to acquire what he wants are really unhealthy for everyone involved, including him, and they do not help his case. If he can’t get it immediately by virtue of existing, he tries to take it by force. If that doesn’t work, he tries to win pity points in order to make them feel bad enough for him that they’ll maybe, possibly, go out with him. If that doesn’t work, try the force option again. Rinse and Repeat.

This whole “rapidly shifting from identity to identity, to hobby to hobby, to behavior to behavior, to aggression and harassment” thing is genuinely not a normal trait. He seems deeply, hopelessly out of touch with how people and social situations work. He’s out of touch, and the more he’s in denial of this, the more he’s destroying everyone’s faith in him as a person. I don’t think he even cares about people’s faith in him anymore- or, at least, he tries not to. He’s long since completely given up on ever even trying to be a good person.

Maybe his refusal to change comes from that disordered thought that All Attention Is Good Attention. Maybe it comes from the fact that he’s afraid of Introspection and Reexamination of The Self. Maybe it comes from an idea that he’s already done so much harm that there’s no point to changing now. Maybe it’s a mix, and maybe it’s none.

At the end of the day, Cronus is a jaded, socially inept, deeply troubled, deeply entitled person with a menagerie of unhealthy and toxic traits and behaviors. He’s a coward who’s lethally afraid of consequences, and he’s a coward for hurting everyone around him in the first place. He’s spoiled to the point of hopelessness, and he views his peers as objects with feelings to be bought. And it’s important to remember, while he is a pitiful, pathetic person, pity should not bleed into affection. And if it does, you fell for the trap.

[rubberduckyrye]

Okay so like I've seen this a few times now in YT comments, which like. I understand that boiling Scaramouche's trauma to "he's got mommy issues" is Haha funny, but there's a real tragedy in his like, entire backstory.

(Also boiling down trauma to "Haha mommy/daddy issues" and making fun of that... NGL, not my favorite joke)

For one thing, just. Imagine being created with a purpose--to be the house of your mother's heart (a gnosis) and because you cried in your sleep, you were deemed too weak for that purpose. Not only that, but you were unwanted and subsequently abandoned.

Regardless of Ei's true intentions, she made it pretty damn clear that she didn't want to be responsible for him. She created this living, breathing person and threw him into the world for the sake of "letting him do what he pleases." Except Scaramouche was a newborn creation, naive to the harsh realities of the world. A child. If we imagine Scaramouche as a child, Ei's actions aren't as easy to justify. She abandoned a child in the wilderness, and expected him to forge his own path when he barely knew how to walk and run.

Then we have Yae Miko, who just. Treats Scaramouche like actual garbage. She refers to him as an object, a thing, and doesn't take him seriously. Ei was ignorant but Miko is borderline malicious--even thinking that Scaramouche should have just been killed from the start.

Then Scara has two instances where he faces death--both of which are the death of kind people. A blacksmith who didn't judge him for being inhuman, and a child. Man killed his friend, and fate killed the child.

With no one to help him cope with these loses, these tragedies and traumas, of course hes going to hate the world and want it to burn to the ground. As far as hes concerned, he hasn't seen true kindness in the world, and when he has, it was massacred in the blink of an eye.

And then he gets found by Dottore and the Fatui. Dottore just, blatantly experimented on Scaramouche, there is no denying that (like to me that's how their relationship reads, and like hell I expect Dottore to not experiment on a living doll. Also another instance of being dehumanized because hes a doll so ofc it's okay to experiment on him right??) And the Fatui... look. Idk if anyone saw the secret bad ending to the Fungus event, but the fatui are not a wholesome organization. They are brutal and cutthroat, willing to kill eachother on a dime. I'm sure the harbingers are the same too.

A lot of people say that Scaramouche abuses his underlings and I'd need to like, confirm that himself, but I wouldnt be surprised if it was simply because that's how all the harbingers treat their subordinates. Plus Scaramouche's predisposed hatred for humans who are filled with selfishness and greed, and of course hes going to hate the fatui. He never really was one of them to begin with, only there for his own motivations. Using the Fatui to get what he wants and nothing more.

Bit deep down, I'm sure Scaramouche is just someone who is desperate for love and kindness, even if he doesn't think it. Because then you get to when hes become a god, and biw he reacts to the woman who connected with his consciousness--and he immediately is fond of her. This total stranger who peered into his past, he now seeks to protect from any and all harm.

The boy literally caused a violent lightening storm because Dottore was threatening to hurt her. All because she was ~his follower.~

It's almost like the only kind of affection he knows or trusts is that of a follower. It's really sad.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 295 “The two of them”

So this is the chapter in which we remind ourselves…

Yeah, that not all the siblings relations are like Abel and Cain. Some brothers just love each other. But let’s go with order.

We begin with a better depiction of the shot Nikaidou shoot against Sugimoto. Now we can clearly see that the bullets didn’t go through his left cheek and came out from his right one but just grazed his right cheek and ear.

I’ll say Sugimoto is goddamn lucky because if Nikaidou has shoot in the same moment in which he kicked his face they would have gone through him and, at the very best, Sugimoto would have had his tongue and teeth ripped to shreds. Instead he’ll just merely gain another scar on his face.

Anyway, despite having been hit, without losing a beat, Sugimoto uses the bayonet in his rifle to pin Nikaidou on the ground by his shoulder.

It’s not really going to stop Nikaidou though, who reminds Sugimoto of his grievance toward him.

Nikaidou will never forgive him for what he did to Youhei. Nikaidou’s plan is shaky and likely lies on the fact he’s confuse about his own identity, as he calls his own body parts Youhei’s body parts but basically, apparently, after he has killed Sugimoto, he plans to place on him his prosthesis and his own face and have him to play his role while he’ll become Youhei, replacing the body parts he has lost with the ones of Sugimoto.

I do wonder if Noda plans to better explain Nikaidou’s madness and problems with his own identity because Nikaidou reminds me of those twins who used to swap places and got so used to do so that their own identities blurred, which is why Kouhei wants to impersonate Youhei and give his own identity to Sugimoto (instead than just turning Sugimoto into Youhei).

Whatever, poor Nikaidou is so out of mind his identity problems might be simply the result of this.

Anyway Nikaidou makes clear what’s moving him now is the desperation for having lost his brother and the madness this caused.

Sugimoto has no sympathy for his loss, he never liked Nikaidou, whom he saw as an enemy right from the start (in fact it was Sugimoto the first to attack the other and Youhei who were there merely to question/arrest him), and he’s not going to start now, especially after the brothers in retaliation beat and tried to kill him. This is completely human and understandable.

I’m aware there’s plenty of readers who feel the same as Sugimoto as Nikaidou was often pitiful but never a likeable character and was even used as a comic relief.

Story-wise though, this is a pity.

Part of Sugimoto’s character’s drama was that he had to kill people during war, and in order to do so he dehumanized them, saw them as bad people who don’t have a human heart and therefore one doesn’t have to feel sorry for them (chap 100) because they would feel no pain when they died.

It’s a mind setting many soldiers of many wars adopted, one the armies wildly encouraged them to have, but, of course, dehumanizing someone, albeit helpful in a war, is something fundamentally wrong. Sugimoto knows and that’s why he feels he has a VIP seat on the train to hell.

“Golden Kamuy” has brushed here and there Sugimoto’s problem and how it’s getting worse, for example in chapter 123 Sugimoto had a conversation with Toni in which he and Sugimoto argued if Toni has justice on his side or not. Sugimoto said they were just murderers, Toni countered they never killed anyone who wasn’t involved to which Sugimoto replied after a while they would stop being able to make the distinction (in short they would start killing innocent). At this Toni counters Sugimoto could understand it because there’s the stench of killer on him too.

And the thing comes up again in chap 261, in which Sugimoto tries to kill a Boutarou who’s actually surrendering (and therefore not threatening him) because he’s so angered he can’t stop, not even if Boutarou surrenders and if murdering him would make harder for them to find Asirpa.

In short Sugimoto was shown sinking, getting worse as he has predicted it would happen to Toni Anji.

But it’s difficult for many readers to catch this as, story-wise, the ones we see getting killed by Sugimoto are criminals, nameless Tsurumi’s minions or characters with whom many don’t really empathize much, like Nikaidou. It’s easy to excuse him with ‘he’s defending himself’ because that’s why he’s doing and because even if one of Tsurumi’s minions were to be the best person on Earth… well, we wouldn’t know, to us he’s just a minion and a threat to Sugimoto.

Readers had been trained by tons of stories to think nothing of when the hero kills an enemy nameless minion so the fact that Sugimoto might be indeed murdering poor, good people sent there by Tsurumi escapes us.

Sugimoto so far didn’t have yet a ‘Tsukishima shot an helpless Ariko’ moment so, even though he’s degenerating more and more, it’s hard to catch up. That’s why it’s a pity Nikaidou is not really someone likeable or easy to empathize with. If we’d felt bad for Nikaidou, we would have felt the emotion from both sides, for Sugimoto who has to survive, but also for Nikaidou who lost his brother.

It would have made for a more interesting fight because we wouldn’t have wanted anyone involved to die, and because we would have realized more the problem of Sugimoto getting worse. But we can’t have everything, I guess if this is a topic Noda wants to discuss Sugimoto will get later on his chance to kill/attempt to kill someone the fandom cares about. If not, it’ll just remain a topic Noda grazed at but never dug in deeply.

All right, let’s go back to the story.

As I said, Sugimoto has no empathy for Nikaidou and yells at him to shut up as this is a fight to death.

Then he pulls out his rifle and throw it to another mob soldier, killing him. Nikaidou tries to use his prosthetic leg to shoot at him but Sugimoto is by now deeply familiar with it and so he grabs it and uses it to shoot at the remaining soldier.

It’s worth to point out whose two soldiers instead didn’t attempt to shoot at Sugimoto, likely because they didn’t want to risk hitting Nikaidou (they yelled at him to get out of the way) so they somewhat cared about him, at least that much they didn’t want to risk hurting/killing him.

Back to the fight as Sugimoto grabs his rifle Nikaidou uses the chopsticks in his prosthetic hand to stab Sugimoto’s neck and cheek. It might go missed to the readers since it happened so long ago but there’s a veiled irony in this as this is a reference to Sugimoto and Nikaidou’s first meeting in which Tsurumi, who was also meeting Sugimoto for the first time, stabbed him with the dango skewers and, as a result, the Nikaidou brothers nicknamed him ‘dango boy’.

This time though, Nikaidou didn’t want to merely hurt him as Tsurumi did but kill him. Sugimoto though is a lucky one and of the chopsticks one hits his kin and sinks in his jaw and the other hits his neck but, likely, misses the carotid as Noda doesn’t really show blood coming out of it (and he will soon forget to draw it).

Nikaidou is not so lucky as Sugimoto stabs him through his abdomen. For the ones who still doesn’t know about this, this sort of stab is fatal (no way it has missed Nikaidou’s intestines), albeit it will kill you slowly and painfully. This too can be seen as a reference to their first meeting as, when Sugimoto killed Youhei, he later pretended Youhei has given him a fatal wound at his abdomen, when he actually was unhurt and merely used Youhei’s intestines which he stole from him to pretend Youhei managed to rip his own out.

Anyway now Nikaidou is as good as dead but we don’t learn what’s going to happen o him right now as we switch to Hakodate bay and to the sailors of the torpedos, who’re climbing on lifeboats.

One of them wonders about commander Koito and he’s told Koito senior said he would stay with the ship, acting like the classic captain who sinks with his ship.

I wonder if he ties himself to it or he clung to it until he lost consciousness because otherwise his body would end up floating back on the surface and could still be saved. Whatever, I guess the idea is he too is as good as dead.

We switch back to Koito Junior, who’s inspecting the place in which he was held captive (really, Tsurumi, it wasn’t a great idea to get him too to enter there, couldn’t you send him to inspect another building?) and discovers how the anpan which were there when he was held captive are still there, because no animal nor insect ate them as they knew they would be relevant for the plot in the future.

This causes Koito to sadly admit out loud how the Tsukisappu anpan person ended up telling sweet lies. Tsurumi hears him, the white of his eyes completely black, although his expression seems surprised.

Against Tsukishima’s will Koito FINALLY comes clear with Tsurumi.

He admits he and his father came there due to their own choice so they will accept the consequences for their decision. He goes on starting to say that if they will end up gaining nothing from this battle, in order to protect his men from central he… Koito doesn’t finish the sentence because he changes it, sweating he says he’ll do whatever he plans to do in order to protect his men from TSURUMI.

Likely, in the first sentence, Koito was merely thinking to shift all the blame to Tsurumi in the eyes of Central so that they would spare the men.

The through is nice, the idea behind it is that he doesn’t acknowledge how his men came there due to their own choices, same as him.

The correction comes better because it acknowledges not only that Tsurumi is more dangerous than Central, as even if they gain nothing he could still try to lead them to fight central and therefore to their death, but also possibly to his men, as he might be acknowledging they were manipulated by Tsurumi’s sweet lies.

He’s still deciding for them and thinking himself above of them… though being an officer and someone from the upper class he’s also responsible for them so I guess he can’t really see them as equal. But I think Koito is trying to do the right thing… albeit in a clumsy if not stupid way.

I mean he’s acting as he can impart judgment on Tsurumi. Unless he plans to sneak up on Tsurumi and kills him, if he doesn’t have the support of Tsurumi’s men they wouldn’t let him kill Tsurumi and he might have to fight them all. Tsurumi tells sweet lies? He has to prove it to be believed by them and Koito is nowhere near as popular and trusted  as Tsurumi but merely viewed as a spoiled brat.

He’ll need Tsukishima’s support but he hasn’t even told Tsukishima the truth about what happened in the church. He’s just confident Tsukishima will side with him when Tsukishima has strong ties with Tsurumi as well and has shown a desperate wish to believe in Tsurumi despite knowing he’s a liar.

So really, Koito, kudos for coming clear and for wanting to protect your men which are two HUGE steps forward, but you’re still acting overconfident and immature and I’m worried because the story is coming to an end and you might end up stumbling before you’ll manage to acquire the maturity and the necessarily ability to judge yourself correctly which are needed to deal with things as a leader.

(On a completely unrelated note I’ve been wondering for 2 years and a half if Ogata really gave Koito a stale anpan or a fresh one since Koito didn’t seem to notice his own anpan tastes terrible and should have given him a stomachache he didn’t seem to have… so really, Noda, I’d like to know)

Contrary to Tsukishima’s fear Tsurumi doesn’t immediately kill Koito nor order him to do the dirty job.

He calmly tells him to go on and kill him (if they gain nothing), claiming that from hell he won’t hear his name being dragged in the mud.

‘Dono yōna omei de tsurushi age rare yō tomo jigoku no soko ni ireba kikoendarou’

どのような汚名で吊し上げられようとも地獄の底にいれば聞こえんだろう

“No matter what infamy is hung on me, I can't hear it if I’m at the bottom of hell”

The way Tsurumi speaks, it seems as if he’s being unfairly accused. If he’s referring to how Central will unfairly accusing him or how it’s Koito who’s unfairly accusing him to be one who tells sweet lies and is a danger for his men that’s up to speculation. Ours and Koito’s.

Tsurumi goes on, switching from victimizing himself to praising Koito, claiming since he has become a splendid man Tsurumi can entrust things to him.

‘Rippa ni seichōshita Koito shōi ninara ato o makase rareru’

立派に成長した鯉登少尉になら後を任せられる

“Since you grew splendidly, Second Lieutenant Koito, I can leave it to you.”

Koito, who’s still sweating, is surprised by Tsurumi’s words, then lowers his gaze. Is he understanding the weight of them? Doubting himself? Doubting his decision? Koito is young and inexperienced, playing against a master. It’s not an easy game for him, even if it’s entirely possible Tsurumi would be fine with being killed by Koito if he were to fail. But I’m not sure if he would give up on his plan just because he would fail to seize the land deed and/or the gold in that battle.

He might think he could catch them later while Koito gave him a time limit.

We’ll see.

Koito moves to leave, telling Tsukishima to go with him.

Tsukishima prepares to do so when Tsurumi calls him back. There’s complete darkness behind Tsurumi and Tsurumi himself is pretty dark, the white of his eyes completely black again.

Tsurumi’s words are well through.

He tells Tsukishima he’s the only ally Tsurumi has left.

This basically places Koito in the enemy or at least adversary camp, as he’s not even considered a temporal ally or an ally Tsurumi can regain but what’s more, hits Tsukishima right where it hurts because Tsurumi is basically telling him he trusts Tsukishima to stay by his side as his ally (he’s not asking if he’s still his ally, he’s just stating he is) and continuing the pity party as Tsukishima is HIS ONLY ALLY. Koito senior, whom he doesn’t know just drowned and the other soldiers don’t count, he only has Tsukishima, Tsukishima who has no idea Tsurumi was aware they were eavesdropping in the church and thinks Tsurumi spoke about his projects from the bottom of his heart unaware to be overheard.

Now, it can be Tsurumi was being sincere back then but the fact he knew he was being overheard and kept silent about it, makes his words sound more like a mummery aimed at manipulating Tsukishima and Koito.

And Koito, as far as we know, didn’t reveal this HUGE detail to Tsukishima so Tsukishima can’t do an informed decision. He has to chose between a young, spoiled officer he babysat until then and the man who saved his life when he ended up in jail sentenced to death. The only ally he had back then. The one whose sweet lies saved him. The one who claimed he would save him and every other soldier in front of Asirpa, in a moment in which, as far as Tsukishima knew, he had no reason to lie.

The scales are not in favour of Koito… who once out of the building, turns toward it. We don’t know if Tsukishima followed him or remained behind, or if he followed him aiming to kill him on Tsurumi’s orders. We’ll discover probably next time as now we switch back to the fatally wounded Nikaidou and Sugimoto.

Nikaidou is still blaming Sugimoto for Youhei’s death, asking him how he dared to kill him and demanding Youhei back. Sugimoto rotates the rifle, so that the bayonet attacked to it and going through Nikaidou will further damage Nikaidou’s intestines, speeding up Nikaidou’s death as Nikaidou is clearly not going to give up so easily.

‘Kyōdai nakayoku jigoku de mattero’

兄弟仲良く地獄で待ってろ

“You, siblings who’re close, wait in hell for me!”

Sugimoto is a fury and he has been for all the fight, his irises white as he verbally attack Nikaidou, though in his attack he also confirms how he’ll go in hell too.

Nikaidou though, is a determinate and stubborn fighter. He’ll kill Sugimoto no matter what and so he shows Sugimoto his closed fist. When he opens it, Sugimoto can see on his finger there’s the fuse of an explosive. Nikaidou grabs Sugimoto telling him to get blown up together. Coming out from the opening of his pants, placed as if it were a boner, there’s the explosive Nikaidou stole to the Russian guy.

Nihei would be proud of him if he were here to see Nikaidou, whose determination to kill Sugimoto is terrible and without boundaries as he’s willing to explode to kill Sugimoto.

But Sugimoto isn’t the sort who would panic and give up. He pushes Nikaidou forward and throws him, rifle and all, inside one of the holes in which the Russian partisans hid.

Now… the fact Nikaidou who was holding him, let go of him leaves me a little perplexes but whatever.

Anyway the explosive explodes, pushing upward the bayonet that ends up splitting Nikaidou’s body and head in two halves.

There’s something worth mentioning about Noda. He’s an author who doesn’t forget his characters’ wrongdoing but, at the same time, has compassion of them.

So far the majority of characters who died in this story, despite having physically gruesome deaths, ended up also having psychologically peaceful deaths. In death, they’re satisfied, in the last moments of their lives they aren’t left to be miserable.

Toraji, we discovered in chap 242 volume version, died saving a life and wondering if Umeko would believe him if he were to say he flung Sugimoto away.

Nihei died the way he wanted to die, in the wilderness, fighting a wolf, trying to help a son to go back to his family the way his son couldn’t return back home, Ryu next to him and fighting for him.

Henmi died of the brutal death he wanted to die, shining as he wanted.

Wakayama and Nakazawa died together, holding hands, Wakayama killing a bear to avenge Nakazawa in front of Nakazawa.

Edogai died believing Tsurumi accepted him and that he was doing something great by handing the fake skins to him.

Sakamoto and O-gin again died together.

Anehata died… getting close to the bear the way he wanted.

Inudou had his last fight with Hijikata.

Youichirou also had the death he wanted, aware of dying after a last fight.

Sekiya died thinking God existed and finally decided punishing him.

Fina died in her husband’s arms as he told her the truth about himself.

Kiroranke died knowing what he did had a purpose, Sofia was free and there was hope for the minorities.

Heita killed himself so as to stop his bear alter ego from killing.

Ienaga died to save Inkarmat so she could become perfect in place of her mother who lost that chance.

Usami died in Tsurumi’s arms being told what he wanted to hear.

Ueji died thinking he saddned his father one last time.

Boutarou died knowing he has saved Shiraishi, whom he deemed a friend and that Shiraishi would remember him.

Kikuta died believing Sugimoto would avenge him.

Toni in his death found the silence and calm he longed for.

Koito senior died with his ship as he wished.

Noda, despite not absolving them from his sins, still felt sympathy and sadness for their suffering and/or bad luck and, despite having them face the consequences of what they did (and therefore die often a painful death), in their final moment eased their psychological suffering, aware if they turned the way they were, it wasn’t just because they were born evil, but because something terribly painful derailed them from their path and turned them the way they became. It’s pity, not absolution. It’s bringing retribution for their own choices and wrong actions bereft of raging cruelly against them. It’s karma not sadistic revenge.

And so we can see Nikaidou too, despite dying a really gruesome death by being dismembered, still has his misery healed in death by believing he has met Youhei again, as when the two halves in which he was split look at each other, he see someone who’s the mirror image of himself and thinks he’s looking at Youhei, that Youhei is back and manages to hold his hand again... before being fully ripped to shred.

Mind you, I think it’s more likely that Kouhei hallucinated the whole thing than that he managed to see his other half, assume it was his brother and take his hand. But still the scene has its own poetry and reminds us how the Nikaidou brothers viewed themselves as the two halves of a whole as well as remarking the only salvation Nikaidou could hope for, required for him to die...

Again, it’s a pity the two brothers weren’t more likable because, narratively speaking, they are good characters with lot of potential… though terrible people. But even in how they were hard to be liked there’s a message. Their rage, their violence, made them alone in more way then one. No friends, one of them death, the other living longing for revenge until he died. And, outside of the story, not a wide fangroup.

Anger is an ugly, scary beast, after all, and when it’s mad rage it’s even worse.

And so Nikaidou, as I expected, says goodbye to us all, the final page being of Sugimoto as Nikaidou explodes behind him.

Sugimoto is creepy, his eyes shining, he has fought again like a Kishin and again he has killed but, although he has survived, he’s ironically in the dark while Nikaidou, or what remains of him, is in the light… the light of the explosion of course, but still light considering Nikaidou now is with his brother.

I wonder what will be of Sugimoto. I know he won’t die but will Noda deal with what he’s becoming or will he let this drop because Sugimoto is the main character? We’ll see.

[snafu-maniac1]

Zuko deserved better

So I rewatched Avatar the Last Airbender recently and let me tell you......

I wanna murder several people.

Looking back on this entire series I’ve come to notice something. I watched the show just like any other audience member and only saw the good and the bad characters. One of these prime examples is Zuko. Zuko’s redemption arc has been praised as one of the greatest in history, succeeding where others have failed. But watching it all again......it wasn’t redemption. Not to me personally.

Before everyone gets angry and defensive at me, please finish reading my post and hear what I have to say. I do not wish to start any fandom wars or discredit or disrespect anyone’s opinion, this is just my personal psychological analysis of Zuko’s character....Sigh and let me give you a warning.

It’s gonna be LONG. 

So if you’re not interested or don’t want to hear it or don’t feel like reading something this long that’s fine, you can go ahead and just click away and ignore this post.

Starting from book 2. 

Now you may be wondering why I’m starting here and not from the start of Zuko’s childhood but I first want to address the one question everyone had been wondering since the series 2 finale. What would have happened if Zuko hadn’t sided with Azula?

My answer is.....that wouldn’t have happened.

Everyone’s been focusing on the entire arc where Zuko was struggling to accept that the war was wrong and how Iroh was trying to get through to him when he tried to capture Appa and afterwards, but here’s something everyone tends to ignore.

Why didn’t Iroh try sooner?

Why didn’t he try to stop Zuko before Aang came, before he’d gotten so deep and desperate to the point that he continuously committed heinous acts to capture the Avatar? People would justify it by saying Iroh wanted Zuko to realize the wrongs of his father and Nation by himself to shape him into his own person. But that is in no way the appropriate way to approach a physically, psychologically and mentally unstable and abused child. Zuko was a thirteen year old boy when he was burned and banished. This is where we go into his childhood. Zuko was raised like any other Fire Nation citizen. As we’ve seen in book 3 and in the Pirate comic book, The Fire Nation citizens were led to believe that the other Nations were ‘savages’ and ‘barbarians’. It villainizes the Fire Nation even more. The very fact that they would spread heinous lies against other people when they themselves were responsible for the war that ruined so many lives. But when you realize, what Sozin and the other Fire Lords did was a solid battle tactic. Making the opposing side out to be these horrendous monsters. Making lies or accentuating every one of their worst traits to dehumanize their enemies so that the people would not have any qualms about fighting them. All of the Fire Nation schools were taught these lies. And Zuko was no exception.

Zuko was a member of the Royal family. And from what was shown in the Avatar series, the Royal family was isolated from the rest of Fire Nation society. Zuko had no way of knowing what the other Nations were really like, no way of knowing the truth about the war and no one had bothered to explain it to him. The one person that could have, did NOT. And yet people had expected him to just automatically know that he was being lied to and that his people were the villains. Zuko’s only social exposure was with Fire Lord Azulon, Fire Lord Ozai, Dragon Of The West General and Crown Prince Iroh, his cousin Prince Lu Ten, his mother Princess Ursa and his younger sister Princess Azula and her friends Mai and Ty Lee. All of whom believed in the Fire Nation propaganda and all of whom had no problem in participating in the war and making jokes about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground. Zuko was under scrutiny and aggression from Ozai. Ozai was Zuko’s ‘handler’, his ‘groomer’. He groomed Zuko into a certain type of submissive and obedient behavior. Zuko was not allowed to show any type of emotion otherwise he would suffer severe repercussions. Ozai and Azula taunted Zuko for having a sense of compassion and with how he was ostracized in a war loving family, he began to believe his behavior and way of thinking was unusual. It was like Azula said to Mai, “Your mother had certain expectations of you and when you strayed from them you were shot down.” In Zuko’s case, the expectations he strayed from resulted in severe punishment. Ozai was willing to permanently disfigure and traumatize Zuko when he was a thirteen year old boy. It’s not unusual to think that his punishments towards Zuko would sometimes very likely be physical and many people even write alternate universes of the Avatar series where Ozai was even more abusive than he already was. He was a manipulative man who brainwashed his daughter into being his perfect, obedient little slave and manipulated his son into questioning his own sense of reality. He would tell him that Azula was born lucky and he was lucky to be born, cementing Azula’s view of herself of receiving everything she wanted and turning her personality toxic while he made Zuko feel inferior and faulty. If there was something wrong with him, his father would tell him and he needed to fix it. But he never could. He strayed towards his mother, who like Iroh, abandoned Azula because of Ozai’s manipulation and did nothing to help her like they ‘helped’ Zuko.

When Zuko was thirteen he wanted to ‘prove’ himself to his father by attending one of his war meetings. Zuko very likely only wished to do what his father wanted because by then, Iroh had abandoned him when he left after the Siege of Ba Sing Se, his mother disappeared and his grandfather and cousin were both dead. The only ones he had left of his family were his father and sister who both abused him and he only wished for their approval and their affection. Humans need mutual affection. Children who do not receive affection from their parents, tend to not take that type of neglect well. Because people need affection to properly function. Our parents love us from when we are young and that emotional connection is something very important to every human being’s mental state. However, Zuko’s only source of affection, his mother, was taken away from him. Azula herself, had no source of affection. Not from her mother, who thought she was demented from her father’s brainwashing, nor from her brother who feared her, nor from her father who used her as a tool. Returning to the day of the Agni Kai, Zuko wished to be of use to his father, he craved his affection because that is what the abuser does. They make you believe they are the only ones who can validate you and if you do not abide by their rules or follow their orders then you mean nothing. Zuko for the most part from what I could see in the flashback, held his promise and did not speak. But when he refused to back down when his people were in danger, Ozai was not pleased. This is because he is an abuser. He is Zuko’s ‘handler’ and when someone who is abusing another person witnesses this type of behavior, they have a feeling of loss of control. They desire control, they crave it, over the abusee especially. So when Zuko showed empathy towards the Fire Nation citizens and did not do as Ozai wished, he decided to ‘rectify’ that. In the most BRUTAL way possible. An Agni Kai. A public spectacle where he would establish dominance over his son, over his pawn and he would make a show of it. He would show everyone that HE was the one in control and NO ONE could defy him. When Zuko refused to fight Ozai, because of his love for his father, Ozai only saw that as a weakness. Ozai is a psychotic man. The fact that he did not have any problem in burning his son so cruelly shows that he does not have any sense of morals. Going back to Zuko, a thirteen year old child at the time, he had just been punished for disobedience, for straying from his father’s expectations, in the worst way possible.

Zuko did what many people would say is the right thing to do. He tried to defend his people from a cruel man intent on sending them to their deaths. But in doing so, he had defied his father and was punished for it. He was punished....for trying to HELP people. His life was essentially DESTROYED and he was thrown out of his home...for trying to help people. For showing empathy towards others. He was punished in the worst way possible for defying his father. His entire perception of right and wrong was thrown out of balance. He was taught that the war was right and that the Fire Lord, his father, was all knowing. And his mother tried to teach him kindness and her lessons of kindness got him punished. The amount of physical and mental damage he had sustained from such a punishment would in some cases be irreversible. Iroh was right there with Zuko and he did nothing. I CAN understand why he did not step in during the Agni Kai. He had been gone from the Fire Nation, his brother had taken the throne and he could have very well himself been punished severely for intervening. However, why did he allow Zuko to continue to believe he was the one at fault? Everyone of us has seen Zhao, has seen the way he treated Zuko during his banishment. Zuko very likely spent those entire two years before Aang’s arrival, being subjected to that type of behavior from everyone around him. All of them blamed him, all of them very likely said that he’d deserved what had happened to him. No one was on his side. He ended up turning aggressive and cruel towards others, because that was the way his father behaved and it was his empathy towards others that got him punished in the first place. He said in The Storm ‘the safety of the crew doesn’t matter’, just like the general that called the 41st division ‘fresh meat’. It was easier for Zuko to lash out at others and be aggressive than to let them see his vulnerabilities and hurt him for them again. It was the same with Song and her mother. Ozai tried to force him to be cruel, he tried to groom him the same way he did Azula. They dehumanized the other Nations and Zuko behaved the exact same way he was expected to. ‘Their compassion would cost them’. It was exactly the way his father wanted him to be. It was what Iroh did not wish for him, and yet despite claiming he thought of Zuko as a son, he did not in any way try to convince Zuko to give up his quest during the two years he had been searching for something that at the time was believed did not exist. The only instance we were shown of Iroh saying anything against his search, and even that is a stretch, was in the Western Air Temple episode where Zuko has a flashback of Iroh telling him that ‘destiny was a funny thing’ when Zuko said it was his destiny to capture the Avatar. Iroh had time to run the White Lotus, an antiwar organization for two YEARS maybe even longer and he did not think of taking two MINUTES to talk to Zuko, to ease him into realizing the wrongs of the war. Okay, yes he could have passed it off as character growth. But how do you expect a person, surrounded by people telling him he was at fault, he had no choice, either obey or never come back, to realize something like that? How do you expect an abuse victim to accept help all by themselves when their abuser forces them to depend on them? Did Iroh take him to some Earth Kingdom villages to see that they aren’t the vicious savages the Fire Nation portrays them to be? Did he take Zuko to the Southern Water Tribe to see the damage done to them at the hands of his own country? No. Instead he acted like an oblivious old man who had no interest other than Pai Sho and speaking proverbs that Zuko could not hope to understand.

Two years Zuko spent looking and looking and he turned desperate to the point that he was willing to do anything to go home. And then The Avatar finally returned. And then the people that Zuko was raised to perceive as brutal savages continued to stand in his way. And did Iroh intervene? No. He still did nothing. He allowed Zuko to continue his pursuit and turn into the worst possible version of himself. People say that Zuko should own up to the consequences of his actions. And he should. But would he have done those actions had Iroh stopped him earlier? Would he have done any of the things he did when the only remaining adult figure in his life had told him otherwise? Would he have listened to Iroh? The answer is yes. He was willing to do what Ozai had expected of him so why would he not listen to Iroh with time and patience instead of waiting till the last possible moment to do so? Children don’t automatically know right from wrong from the moment of their birth. They are taught by their parents, by the adults in their lives and Zuko had Ozai as his parental influence. And Iroh knew that. He knew the type of man his brother was and he did not try to overwrite his brother’s abuse to help his nephew until Zuko was already on the path of no return. When they became refugees Iroh still did nothing until they got to Ba Sing Se and until Zuko, again in an act of desperation, tried to capture Appa. That was when he FINALLY decided to step in. Three years since Zuko’s banishment, sixteen years of his father’s influence and abuse and he decides the very moment his nephew is close to the brink of insanity is the perfect opportunity to DESTROY his entire world view. He had worked day in and day out for two years before Aang appeared, only for his uncle, someone he TRUSTED, to tell him it was all for NOTHING. Two years of TORTURING himself. A year of fighting against his Nation’s enemies and SUDDENLY he’s being told it was all for nothing. When Iroh and Zuko reunited, Iroh told him he found his way again ‘on his own’ like how Zuko told Ozai he had to learn everything ‘on his own’. And they were both right. Zuko had no one to help him. He had to suffer through so much on his own, without anyone’s help and they’re SURPRISED he acted the way he did. When everything came to ahead in Ba Sing Se with Katara, people thought ‘Oh Zuko has changed he’s going to help Katara.’ And when he did not they HATED him for it. 

The reason for this is because Katara was the ‘good guy’ and Zuko was the ‘bad guy’. Black and white. Katara and Zuko shared a moment of understanding from both losing their mothers and Katara offered to heal his scar and he chose to side with Azula and both Katara and the viewers saw this as a betrayal on Zuko’s part. This assumption however is completely unjustified and unfounded. Everyone sees Zuko and the Fire Nation as the bad guys. The villains of the story. But Katara and the Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom were the bad guys in the Fire Nation’s eyes. Katara was the ‘savage’ standing in the way of Zuko going home. The Avatar was his home’s greatest ENEMY and THREAT. Had the situation been reversed and Katara had to choose between Zuko and the Water Tribe and her brother and father, people would have supported her choice because they were the good guys. Zuko’s people were the bad guys so it had to be the wrong decision and a betrayal to Katara and Iroh. But Zuko was an unstable, traumatized child who did not wish to believe his people were bad, who did not want to fight his home after he spent so long trying to capture Aang, his home’s greatest THREAT and ENEMY. Katara hated Zuko because he represented everything that the Fire Nation did to her family. And Zuko hated her because she was the ‘savage’ keeping him from his one way home. To Zuko, Katara was the bad guy. And looking back at their moment of sympathy where Katara said he betrayed her trust I can only ask one thing....how could Zuko have known that Katara wasn’t trying to trick him? Now, the viewers would automatically respond ‘Katara’s not like that! She wouldn’t do that!’ but the fact is, we the viewers KNOW Katara. We know she’s not that type of person because we got to know her through out the series. Zuko does NOT know her. To Zuko, she’s just another faceless enemy out to KILL his father. He chose Azula’s side because he could not accept what Iroh was saying to him because why hadn’t Iroh said so sooner? He did not want to join Aang’s side cause this was the AVATAR. The one out to KILL his FATHER and take down his HOME. When Zuko returned, he was conflicted about what he had done because he had begun to see how wrong his father and sister’s behavior and The Fire Nation’s war truly was. And Iroh cemented that further by proclaiming Zuko’s struggle was because of Roku and Sozin’s conflict when that was clearly not the case. Zuko was groomed and brainwashed by the Fire Nation propaganda like every other citizen but he was not dispelled from that belief by anyone. No one tried to make him question that belief. Iroh did not try to ‘help Zuko’ until the very last moment in Ba Sing Se. People believe Zuko betrayed Iroh because that’s how it’s supposed to be when Zuko was the ‘bad guy’ and Iroh was the ‘caring’ Uncle and ‘voice of reason’. And yet he did not think to ‘reason’ with Zuko before this entire mess even started. He did not in any way try to disrupt Zuko’s view of the other Nations or his father. In my opinion, IROH was the one who betrayed ZUKO. Iroh KNEW the entire time that what Zuko was doing was wrong. Zuko was a child who was not allowed to think for himself and Iroh KNEW Zuko was brainwashed by the exact same propaganda he himself had believed before he lost his son. If Iroh, who had believed in the Fire Nation for so many years, was unable to realize the wrongs of the war until his ADULTHOOD when he lost his son, how in the world did he expect a 13 year old child to do so? And Zuko became even more unstable and then he chose the Fire Nation.

When he realized it was wrong and went to join team Avatar, they were reasonably mistrusting.

Zuko’s redemption arc from a simple perspective, from team Avatar’s perspective was very well done. Team Avatar did not know what Zuko had been through. To them he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt them. To the audience, he was just another Fire Nation monster who had hurt the good guys. No one would think that deep into a fictional character’s perspective or psychological and mental state. No one would think past the ‘good guy’ and the ‘bad guy’. But one thing I cannot justify is Katara’s accusation of betrayal towards Zuko. As we have mentioned, Zuko and Katara were enemies who had a mutual hatred towards each other before his ‘redemption’. They had one single moment of shared empathy and understanding and that is NOT the basis for earned trust. What would Katara have done had she been in Zuko’s shoes? Fighting her enemies, fighting people she sees as nothing more than monsters and she has to choose between her long time enemy and her sibling and her home and her family. If she was in that position, she would choose Sokka and Hakoda and Aang and the Water Tribe over Zuko in a heartbeat because those are her FAMILY members and her FRIENDS and people would justify her because she’s the ‘good guy’. The hero. But Zuko is the villain so his actions automatically AREN’T justifiable. I understand Katara’s mistrust towards Zuko because of their history and because again, she doesn’t know anything about him or what he went through. But she cannot expect him to just automatically leave behind everything he’s ever known and ever believed in because of one single moment of understanding. Zuko should have done everything he could to make it up to the group because he owed it to them and they again, did not know any of his reasons for hunting them. But Zuko does not deserve to be labeled simply as ‘a bad guy turned good’ when he was NEVER a bad guy to begin with. When he was never even mentally stable enough to make that type of decision for himself. In today’s day and age Zuko and Azula would have BOTH ended up in a mental institution. And after all of the things he went through, Zuko was the one who ended up going back to Iroh and apologizing when Iroh was the one who abandoned him and then Zuko at 16 years old ended up as the leader of a nearly fallen apart country. He had to suffer through insomnia, assassination attempts and mental instability and abandonment. Iroh left to Ba Sing Se and only made two appearances in a total of SIX comic books after the end of the War and one of those was entirely brief. So while Iroh gets to enjoy the rest of his life selling tea, Zuko has to suffer the consequences for what his family did. He was also abandoned by Mai which brings me to another point.

Zuko’s toxic relationships.

Some people say they dislike Mai because she is emotionally abusive towards Zuko. It never occurred to me before but looking at it now, I have to say that I agree. In the comics after book 2 had ended it was shown that Azula used Mai’s childhood crush on Zuko to manipulate him into going back to the Fire Nation with her. And Mai.....I don’t even know how to get started on the entire mess that is their relationship. Mai is a person who does not like emotion. She doesn’t like to express herself and immediately shuts down anything even close to emotion. The same applies to Zuko. Zuko is a very emotionally unstable and insecure person. And instead of reassuring and calming him, Mai immediately cuts him off whenever he loses a handle of his emotions and just flat out ends their relationship on the spot. She gives Zuko no explanation, just gets angry at him and then all of a sudden when Zuko can’t take anymore and explodes she suddenly says she cares about him. Their relationship is toxic. Mai demeans his problems and things that trouble him. Quote “I just asked if you were cold, I didn’t ask for your whole life story.” when Zuko was nervous about going back home. She demeans his guilt towards Iroh and tries to make him feel better by ordering servants around. And then in the Boiling Rock episode she attacks him for his letter which is reasonable on her part, but there is the problem that despite being Zuko’s girlfriend, up until that point she was Azula’s subordinate first and foremost and she could have tried to let Azula know. Still was a shitty way of ending their relationship, I’m not gonna act like it wasn’t but I still wanted to put that perspective out there just for thought. Not to mention how she ended things in the comic books. The trust issue I understand. But I don’t understand how ONE single mistake would lead to her just immediately ending things instead of at least TRYING to work it out. She could have listened to him and seen why he was so upset and scared of messing up that he went to Ozai of all people for help. She did not stick by him when he needed her and that was what forever ruined their relationship for me. 

In simple terms, Zuko was a bad guy who became a good guy and redeemed himself.

In psychological terms, Zuko was an abuse victim who was brainwashed since his childhood, blamed for it and made into a scapegoat while his sister ended up in a mental institution because of her father’s influence and because the same people who ‘helped’ Zuko didn’t think she deserved it too.

So from what I’ve seen while rewatching the series....

Zuko never needed redeeming. Zuko needed help.

And he didn’t get it.