#lou loves watching things

[loumauve]

7 Comfort Movies

tagged by @foibles-fables, thank you buddy!!! <3

oh dear oh boy.. this is gonna be a real weird mix, y'all. here goes..

(in mostly alphabetical order bc that's how they're organised in my comfort films shelf, which also includes the Resident Evil series as well as all things related to Alien and Cube, and also American Mary fuck yeah ..bc I'm a weirdo)

Adult Life Skills. makes me cry. every time. without exceptions. but in like a good way. gotta have a little smidge of Jodie Whittaker on this list, too.

Annihilation. duh. obviously. so good. definitely a good distraction from anything else going on in my life. plus so much stuff to think about. (one day I will read the book this is based on. I stg)

Beyond the Ashes / Ash Tuesday. just so wonderful. I know the topic it deals with is pretty heavy, but it's about healing and coming together. and the power of poetry in crisis and the power of music and giant goth/punk boots. do recommend a watch. originally I used to only watch this via dailymotion bc I was in a Pauley Perrette phase, but it grew on me, with me, whatever you wanna call it, so I eventually caved and had to have an imported disc version for safety purposes, to keep close to my heart.

Dredd. what can I say, I just love some messed up future stuff. and Lena Headey. and it's just well made. love it. so good. 11/10. will watch again and again and again. (as with the rest of this list)

Edge of Tomorrow. again, with the messed up future stuff. add some time travel and Emily Blunt as an action badass, and of course I was sold. plus it helps that Tom Cruise keeps getting smushed like a bug. always a plus.

Sunshine Cleaning. hoo boy, I have cried. and cried. and cried. (sometimes I still cry over the lack of fanfic for Norah and Lynn. they are wonderful and I wish there was more of them. plus Norah is def a character I can hella relate to.) something about complicated, messy familial relationships will always get me. even if they are sisters and I only have a brother, it still hits hard. and the scene with the car radio, and the other scene with the sprinkler just fucking wreck me. (if you know you know) also The Decemberists' The Crane Wife 3 in the trailer, good lord. fuck me up

The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec. (the funny thing is that I have the DVD but I have never once watched it, bc it's in German and the only alternative on the disc is to watch the original French with German subtitles, and I'm just too used to watching the French with English subtitles version that I downloaded at some point.) anyway, Pterosaur set free in Paris, a goofy detective and a sillier big game hunter, a sister trying to bring her sister back to life, a talking mummy. just sheer wonderfulness, but will also probably make you cry if you are at all affected by, once again, complicated sibling relationships.

I shall tag @nerdsbianhokie @tjerra14 @aimofdestiny @melsunicornonesie @verbose-vespertine @shadowkira @damnwormholes

(as always: feel free to ignore this if you don't feel like it)

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Hi there! Hope you’re having a lovely Sunday :)

I love the theory you just posted in response to the Abby/BT breakup anon!! The only thing that worries me is Oliver specifically saying he could see Buck in queer spaces only IF Buck and Tommy are on a break… He also said something like “whether or not Tommy is Buck’s forever partner…” in that same interview. Isn’t this basically him implying that BT are still together at least as of 8x08 (since that’s what they are filming right now)? On the other hand this could also just be Oliver saying all of this to avoid any potential spoilers!

Side note: I also just think it’s very strange that lfjr liked a tweet with a meme of him drinking “buddie tears” while he is still on the show. Just unprofessional behavior imo. Especially since you would think he would want more buddie fans to like Tommy so it could keep him on the show. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hey Nonnie.

So I’ve pulled up the quotes for reference, and we do need to remember he can’t directly give anything away about things relating to the finality of bucks relationship with tommy, he has to answer the questions as if they are still together regardless of what he has filmed and why he knows - because he knows where the audience are in the story at the time of publication of the interview. Actors usually get a briefing sheet for each interview or set of interviews they’re giving (if they’re doing multiple interviews one day) - which will include the intended publication date for said interview - so Oliver would’ve known these two interviews were going out in time for 805, and that will give him an idea of what he can and can’t say. There may be information on the briefing relating to this as well.

The show needs to create intrigue without giving the game away and as far as the ga especially, bt are together and in a fairly good place at this point in time.

Oliver’s response was to a question relating to a throwback from bucks past. Now the question itself doesn’t directly refer to love interests, but it is implied, and that is fairly important.

He didn’t need to answer the above question with the below answer - why did he need to bring up the idea of them being on a break? He could’ve gone with ‘oh it would be really fun to have buck and tommy bump into one of bucks old girlfriends. I’m trying to think of which one would be best for this.’

But instead he went with on a break.

Then he proceeds to talk about Buck putting himself into queer spaces and being shepherded by Lucy (I am massively paraphrasing but the actual quote is below) in those spaces.

There is literally no reason to take this route on this question unless you’re hinting at something without being direct about it. It’s a very subterfuge-y answer - very much of the type we’ve seen Oliver give before and very much in keeping with some of the things he was saying about Lucy in the s5b interviews he was giving in terms of answering in a slightly odd way that when read after the episodes have played out suddenly make a lot more sense (I don’t have the time to find the quotes I mean but I’m sure if you Google you can find them!)

So we have an answer that gave a lot of random detail that the question didn’t really warrant. And then the second quote you mention;

That quote doesn’t really feel to me that it implies bt are still together in 808 - the language is generally past tense - ‘have been’ not will always be his first and ‘always be,’ I think, huge importance… again past tense - again in an answer where he could’ve used present tense - in fact the first ‘have been his’ instead of just saying ‘be his’ is more indicative of the relationship, if not being fully over, more or less over (if we’re getting them on that break Oliver spoke of!)

Oliver isn’t going to say anything to spoil things for the audience at this point - the big hurdles he and Tim have spoken of haven’t actually appeared yet and we don’t know what format they’re going to take (I have my theories, but we don’t actually know!) and how make it break for the relationship they are going to be.

We also don’t have a timeframe for how things are going to fully play out. I’m of the opinion that 812 is the episode when we’ll see buddie go canon, but that’s just my feeling (because it will be episode 118 and Tim likes to play with numbers!), it could just as easily be buddie going canon in 817 or 818 or any episode number in between, it really is dependent on how things get paced for both Buck and Eddie’s arcs, as well as the stories they want to tell for the other characters - because this is an ensemble show and there will be episodes focused on madney and henren and bathena.

I don’t for the life of me believe that Tim would have Tommy be Bucks endgame when he’s developing his character in this way. It would be incredibly easy to make Tommy likeable and a good partner for Buck with very little additional screen time needed - the scenes we’ve already had, reworked would achieve this. But no they’ve gone the direction they have and that in and of itself is pretty telling.

And even if buddie isn’t the end goal here, I don’t think they’d have buck figure out he’s bi and jump into a first relationship with a man and have it be endgame - and do it at the rushed pace they did, that’s just not how this type of tv works!

As for the lfj tweet liking thing he’s been on - well all I have to say is that it’s remarkably similar behaviour to Megan west and edy gangem and we all know what happened to their characters shortly after their little spate of crazy on Twitter main! The man has already behaved very unprofessionally with his cameos etc and was clearly reined in by the network in some way (I don’t pretend to know the details of what happened, all I know is that it’s highly suspicious that he went complete and utter radio silence for the entire hiatus and until after his return had been revealed and that the show sm pages did exactly the same). Regardless of if he is still on the show or not, he’s not doing himself any favours and his character remains an undeveloped lite version of both Buck and Eddie

[voxphantasma]

i would like to formally thank bethany d20closet for enabling my "dressing like d20 men" ways 🫶

[IMAGE ID'S: four photos of me, next to four screenshots from the dimension 20 fantasy high junior year trailer (one of of lou wilson and three of brian murphy). i'm wearing the same shirts as lou (a short sleeve white zip up with a tiger and plants of it) and murph (a short sleeve dark blue polo with red/yellow vertical stripes, a short sleeve grey button up with a flower pattern, and a short sleeve beige polo with brown/yellow/red horizontal stripes) / END ID'S]

[cementcornfield]

such a shame

[toughpaperround]

What You Can Achieve with a Pentagonal Head | Lou Ferrigno Jr. on Being ...

[as-dreamers-do]

there's got to be a german word for "wanting to be the emotionally damaged npc that a group on a world-saving quest takes under their wings and brings into the family with so much love and acceptance despite *gestures* Everything" there's just got to be

[stevethehairington]

practical effects, i love you practical effects <3

[renegadeontherunn]

i love them

[lovevalley45]

[helpimstuckinafandom]

So long, Scrumptious Scoundrels!

[kinardsevan]

i wrote a whole ass psychology breakdown (for the first time in FOREVER) about the break-up. enjoy (if you so choose):

so I've been reading a lot in relation to Tommy's speech during the break-up (and have actually gotten through the scene several times now, mostly as a creative reference for these fix-it fics. I think one of the first things that I've seen completely tossed aside (that bothers the shit out of me as someone with over a decade of therapy treatment and a psychology degree) is whatever trauma Tommy carries.

We know that there are issues with his dad. We know Lou's lore behind him is that he spent a lot of his childhood alone. We don't know anything in relation to his mom, but she may or may not be the cause of more trauma. We know that his way of dealing with abuse of authority is to shut down and follow the leader, which is likely a mix of his military time and growing up in his father's household (and when I say this, I mean from what we saw of him under Gerrard's command). This is a person who has put years into getting himself into some version of okay after all that he's endured, and we know he still generally does it on his own.

To that end, here, have my breakdown of the break up (roughly right about the time Buck says "I want you to move in with me"). (with pictures!)

Prior to the offer, we watch Tommy process through Evan's explanation about his relationship with Abby, things being transformative for him, etc. We have to bare in mind that this is where we also start to get what I've dubbed "starry-eyed Buck". He's so in the throes of what he's saying that I don't think he's really considering the connotation of his words. At the same time, Tommy doesn't know what lore Evan is about to drop him about this prior relationship. Remember that he now has to contend with the fact that they both have strong opinions on their relations toward Abby, and Tommy can't know if their feelings toward her as a person will be the same. I think Lou played this beautifully, appearing anxious and apprehensive as Tommy listened to Evan explain that Abby was transformative for him. Then he shifts into how Tommy has been transformative for him (which, he has, and we as the audience know this, but we understand it from a bigger POV than what Evan is saying with his words.)

There have been posts about Evan putting Tommy up on a pedestal throughout this speech (and really, possibly even sooner, but this is where we really get it expressed). Tommy tries to rectify this to a degree by countering "I wasn't always that way".

To that end, we then get Evan telling him "I know, and it just makes me admire you more." Tommy gives a bashful smile, clearly heartened by the statement, and even opening his mouth as though he's going to respond to it in some form. It would be interesting to know what was on Lou's mind of what (if anything) he thought would've been said there. Are there lines that were removed in this scene? Was 'I love you' actually going to come up? We can't really know. However, there's this part of me that thinks that Tommy thought that they were having a discussion on the depth of their relationship which would've possibly brought those 7 letters to the equation. Either way, this entire bit of facial acting is SO important, because it speaks volumes about how Tommy feels about how Evan feels about him.

From there we get the "I want you to move in with me, and this, THIS, THIS is such an important point for this ENTIRE scene. It's two seconds, but it holds SO much for the narrative. This man, who seems to be on the verge of ...something, clearly (who knows if I Love You was on his mind, or if it was just the fact that Evan was expressing how much he cares about him.) The reason this is all so important is THIS REACTION:

Now again, we don't know Tommy's trauma, but the joy literally drops out of his expression and shifts to panic. Now, speaking solely from the standpoint that these two haven't even said "I love you" yet, his boyfriend steamrolled over him from a possible declaration of love straight to moving in together without discussing semantics. Further, it's not even "I want to live together", it's "move in with me". We don't know much about Tommy's house (because these shitheads haven't built him a set yet), but we know that he has a HOUSE. With a GARAGE. Buck lives in a LOFT. Regardless of how much of an asshole this makes me sound like, it's crawling with red flags. It comes across as "fit more into my life" instead of "lets do this thing together". Further, if that's not bad enough, mention of getting engaged and married is thrown at Tommy as well, which holds two major bits of information: One, these are on Evan's mind. We've NEVER heard him talk about getting engaged or married to anyone. This speaks to the importance of their relationship to him, but the lack of I Love You also speaks on his own trauma. If we truly are getting the rom-com trope, at some point there's likely to be a conversation about why he lept over it (*cough* Taylor, his parents *cough cough*). Meanwhile, as he's continued in his starry-eyed speech, this is what Tommy is giving:

Now for those who don't know how to spot it, this my friends is a PANIC RESPONSE. The shift forward, the move to get up, the literal deep breath. He's having a panic attack. Now, obviously we don't know what brought this on, but god-willing, we WILL get the answers.

Now, to his own point, Tommy doesn't just straight up pop Evan's pink bubble. He does express that it's a sweet sentiment, but that it's a bad idea. To which point we get:

"Evan, that is so sweet. But I can't move in with you." "And why not?" Because. I know how this ends." "Uh, what-what's that supposed to mean?"

At which point, we clearly get the qualities about Evan that Tommy likes. "Incredible guy. Big-hearted. Hot as hell. Impulsive." I don't feel that the expression here matters as much as his tone of voice, because we can see on his face that he's expressing these qualities from a good place. The next point of reference isn't until Tommy's next line, when he says that Evan's reaction is out of things being "new and exciting".

To that end, the way Evan is talking to him makes this statement valid. He's not talking to Tommy like they've been together for six months and have built a relationship that should be moving in this direction. (For the tenth time I will repeat, he couldn't even dignify whether he was in love with Tommy when Josh asked).

Furthermore, I think when you consider this part of the scene, you also have to consider the strain in Tommy's voice. Something about those concepts (living together, getting engaged, married) is terrifying. It definitely gives the impression that Tommy has been faced with some version of this before and he got burned. Why is this important? Because of this:

"I'm saying no matter how bad I want it to be, I'm not your last." Those 9 words are important on their own, but when you couple them with the expression on Tommy's face and what we've just seen him go through, there's a clear point to the fact that he's been through this before. I also think that there can't be enough importance placed on the way he intonates "how bad". This is not a man saying no because he doesn't want to. He's backpedaling because he's sure that he's going to get burned. We get this point further driven home with this exchange:

"I'm your first." "But hey, they can be the same thing." "But, they usually aren't."

See this doesn't read to me as someone who's scared because he knows Evan has never been with another man. They're both fully grown adults who have had multiple relationships. What this speaks to me (now) as, is someone who has let someone convince him before that he would be their forever, that they were all in, and then broke him. When you include his childhood trauma and whatever abandonment issues it's left him with in correlation with all of this, yes, it's still an extremely biphobic set of lines. But in the context of what he's expressing and why, it's not about telling Evan he needs more experience, it's about telling him that he doesn't believe that he'll want to stay settled down with him six months, a year, etc., down the road. And THAT my friends, is abandonment issues 101. "Everyone else has left, so it doesn't matter that I'm in love with you, because you will leave too, and I need to protect myself from that."

Following that, we get this: "if I were to move in with you, you wouldn't mean to, you wouldn't plan for it, but you'd end up breaking my heart."

This line is SO important, right next to Evan's exchange with Josh about his relationship with Tommy. Why? Because even though neither of them have said it, it spells out that these two are in fact in love with each other, even if they haven't said it.

"I don't think I could deal with that." Tommy is fucking GONE on him. He's expressing that if he gave himself fully over to what Evan's referring to, losing him would break him. Again, we don't have the full picture on his trauma, but we know there's a mountain there. It's also worth noting again, that the intonation he uses in these statements clearly come across as someone trying to reign in their emotions and keep it together. That says to me that we're dangeously close to touching his trauma.

I don't feel like I have to include the final few bits of the scene in gifs because they're all over the site now, but the next line gives over the fact that he hasn't really been open about his trauma to Evan, given that his immediate response to expressing all of this is "I should go". This kind of reaction is generally brought on as not being accepted for having certain feelings. Now, obviously Evan is caught off guard by the entire interaction, the same way Tommy was (but for different reasons), so we have to take all of that into account when we think about the fact that instead of countering Tommy's logic, he asks instead if Tommy is breaking up with him.

Body language is also so important here for Tommy. His shoulders are hunched in, we see him wipe his face (meaning there are likely tears), and when he turns around, he's so caught up in whatever wave has taken him over that it takes Evan asking him for Tommy to state "yeah, I guess I did" about breaking up. Further, there's the fact that he states that he didn't see the break-up coming, which goes back to my point at the top of this post, that he clearly thought the conversation was going one direction, and instead it goes the other. From this point, we have Evan reeling, because he wants to create more of a life with Tommy, while Tommy is shutting down because of whatever is holding him back.

Finally, as I've referenced before, we get this line:

"Should've known that parking spot was too good to be true."

That line makes zero sense out of context, but in consideration of someone trying to lighten the weight they're carrying (which you can literally see by the way he has his hand on his neck, which you generally only see people do as a stress response). You can also double entendre this statement that getting to be with Evan was too good to be true. We get that little inhale with the smile, and I swear to God the only time I've seen that kind of reaction is right before someone cracks.

And then in closing, we get the "I'll see you 'round, Buck," our closing gut punch. Evan is still reeling, clearly. His face is very "what the hell just happened". Tommy is clearly not okay. This entire scene has opened an entire can of worms on them without a whole lot of answers.

Now, I've owned the fact that basically from the end of 806, I felt like this had to be a swerve, and that there has to be more to the story. I've also pretty much owned the fact that if the writers did actually just do this for kicks and don't have a resolution for it, I may not keep watching. However, in the context of the fact that, for the moment, I'm choosing to put hope in some kind of resolution, these lines make so much more sense. It is worth noting though, most people in the fandom, let alone the general audience, aren't going to psychologically break this shit down line-by-line. They're not going to lean into whatever trauma Tommy has that we don't know about yet. Its why the internet has been a mess since Thursday night. But it's also why I talk about how, when this situation gets resolved (because right now I refuse to say if), Buck has to give up the loft and give more of himself. Tommy, by the nature of the show, has fully immersed himself in Evan's life, but we haven't seen or heard mention of Evan doing so at all in Tommy's life. That doesn't mean he hasn't, but we haven't gotten any version of that. So when I say Evan needs to give things up... it's about matching what he's asking Tommy to give up. Because at the end of the day, when this circles back around, he's effectively going to be asking Tommy to trust that he won't break his heart like others have, and when you have a lifetime of abandonment issues and have learned to cope by being hyper-independent and alone, moving in the opposite direction is more terrifying than anything else. ESPECIALLY when you love that person, which we saw Tommy spell out. Evan has the ability to break him (and probably already is via this cut-off-at-the-quick break up.)

So, I'm really gonna need these shit heads to figure out that they'll be more miserable apart than they'd ever be together.

That's all. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[trustinsturniolos]

safeword

┈➤ 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘯!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘹 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦

pairings : chris x reader

warnings : smut (ygi) , swearing , not proofread , written when i was knackered !

skip to “01” for the smut !!

| 00

Red.

Red was your safe word.

“Remember, baby, if it gets too much use your safe word.” Chris reminded you softly as he rubbed your hip with his thumb while you lay under him on your bed. You and Chris were about to have sex. For Chris, sex wasn’t such a big deal. For you? Well, you’re a virgin.

“Mhm.” You reply uncertainly, biting your lip as you debate asking Chris something.

“What is it? You want to say something, I can tell.” Chris asks gently, wanting to know what was causing your unsure reaction.

“If I use my safeword, you won’t get mad, right?” You finally asked, your voice filled with nervousness and almost anxiety as you await his response, your hands fiddling with the cool sheets of his bed.

“What? Of course not, baby. Use it all you want.” He reassured you confidently, letting out a quiet sigh of relief to find out that was all that was bothering you.

Of course, Chris loved having sex. But you just haven’t been ready up until now, so obviously Chris is going to be a little more eager, but he also understands he needs to take it slow.

“Jus’ trust me, ‘kay?”

“Mhm, I trust you.” You nod your head, glad and feeling happier now, after hearing his response.

Chris steps back to unbuckle his belt. “Can you take your clothes off for me, pretty?” His trousers drop to the floor in time when he speaks. The visible bulge becoming larger as the tight material of his boxers clings to his skin like glue on paper. He took his boxers off, his hard dick springing out, the tip red already, growing redder by the second.

You quickly begin to strip, lifting your top over your head and throwing it into the floor, doing the same to your trousers, leaving you in just your underwear.

Chris’ eyes ogle over your body as he watches you undress, admiring your beauty lovingly. Swiftly, he climbed on top of you again, passionately capturing your lips in a strong, desire filled kiss.

He began tracing a few soft kisses down your neck as you tilted your neck to give him more access.

His hands smoothly raked over your body, tracing invisible lines up and down your sides before meeting each other on both sides of the top of your ribs, around where your bra was.

“Can I?” He lifted his head up to look at you pleadingly. The second he received permission, he unhooked your bra, hungrily pulling it off you. Leaving your top half completely naked.

| 01

His sharp blue eyes lustfully stared at your bare breasts, staring as if he was having a staring contest with them.

He lowered his head to press soft, gentle, warm kisses around your nipple. His hand reached up to toy with your other. Latching his mouth on, he began swirling his mouth around your hardened tit as he heard you let out a soft moan, spurring him on.

As much as he’d love to spent ages teasing you, he’s too desperate to wait any longer.

He stands back up, grabbing your ankles to pull you closer to the edge of the bed, earning a gentle giggle from you.

He hooked his finger around your pink panties, effortlessly flinging them off as if there wasn’t anything there in the first place.

“Already so wet f’me, hm?” He chuckles deviously as he looks down at your glistening with need pussy. Your cheeks blush furiously, legs immediately snapping shut in embarrassment. “Not funny.” You scoff.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” He grins while prying your legs back open. “—‘s a good thing anyway.”

He hastily moves one of his hands to pump his cock a few times before moving his tip to line up with your entrance.

“I’ll go slow, don’t worry.” He reassures you softly, beginning to carefully push himself inside you. Your folds hungrily contracted as he pushed further inside you, slipping in with ease due to the slickness of your pussy.

“Oh, fuck!” You moan loudly, your head rolling back. Chris indulges in the sight and sounds, pushing your legs further apart as he prepares to go deeper—which seemed impossible to you.

Your walls clench tightly around him, begging for more. Your eyes rolled back almost feverishly. Your back arched off the bed desperately.

“Good girl, doing so well f’me. Taking me s’well.” He cooed as he began to thrust his cock further in you until he couldn’t go any further. At this point, with each hungry thrust, the tip of his dick bruised your cervix every time, forcing pornographic moans to emerge from your soft lips.

As he felt himself coming closer to cumming, he moved his hand down to rub tight circles around your clit, wanting to bring you to your release at the same time.

You squirmed slightly under the touch, loving it—craving it, but also almost unable to cope with the overwhelming feelings of pleasure and ecstasy washing over you.

You began to feel your stomach tighten, almost like a knot was forming in your stomach.

“Chris, Chris,” you gasped worriedly, thinking something was wrong.

“You okay, baby?” He furrowed his eyebrows, slowing his pace slightly.

“No— I think something’s wrong with me, my stomach’s just gone really tight and weird!”

Chris chuckled at your worth over something so normal. So good.

“Baby, you’re about to cum. That’s all. It’ll feel good. Watch,” he picked the pace up again, wanting to show you how good it’d make you feel.

This time as you felt the knot tighten inside you, you let it. You didn’t try to stop it, you trusted him.

Not long after, you came. Feelings of euphoria glided through your body as your body just let go.

“Can I cum inside you, pretty?” Chris asked swiftly, interrupting you briefly as he grew desperate for release, but wanted your consent.

“Mhm, of course.” You mumbled confidently, feeling ropes of thick cum squirt inside you not long after you’d said yes.

Chris flipped beside you on the bed. Both your chests gasping for air. “—‘M surprised y’didn’t use your safeword for your first time.” He chuckled softly.

a/n : I hate this sm I can’t even !! I’m writing this at midnight n I’m actually shattered n I’ve barely had any sleep recently to please trust I’ll make it up to you with a better fic soon !

[cherrynflowergarden]

MORE DEALER MATT AND DOLL READER PLS

glossy kisses || dealer!matt x doll!reader

sturniolo masterlist add yourself to the taglist

matt had never imagined a day when he’d be sitting in his living room, letting her dust glitter on his cheeks while he tried and mostly failed to look annoyed. but here he was, a scowl softened by the pink blush she was carefully applying on him. she was straddling his lap, legs tucked comfortably around his hips, a look of pure concentration on her face as she selected colors from her makeup palette.

“you really like torturing me, don’t you, doll?” he muttered, though his tone held no bite. the corners of his mouth kept twitching upward in a smile he couldn’t quite hide, especially when she leaned in close to whisper.

“oh, admit it, you’re having fun,” she teased, tapping his nose with a brush, leaving a faint shimmer on his skin. “plus, you look cute like really cute with a little sparkle.”

he snorted, rolling his eyes, but the blush spreading across his cheeks had nothing to do with the powder she was using. he’d never admit, but there was something about seeing her so focused on him, so genuinely happy in this small, silly moment, that made him forget about the roughness of the world.

“hold still,” she said, the tip of her tongue peeking out as she leaned in with a small tube of her favourite pink lip gloss. he raised an eyebrow but stayed put, watching as she carefully applied a layer of shiny gloss to his lips. the faint scent of cherries filled the air, and he felt his heart stutter as she leaned back to admire her work of art.

“there you go, looking so pretty” she said with a proud grin, holding up a small mirror so he could see. “what do you think, handsome?”

he couldn’t help but laugh at his reflection—a soft, rosy flush on his cheeks, subtle shimmer along his cheekbones, and lips glossy enough to catch the light.

he looked different, so different than his regular.

“this has gotta be bad for my business, doll” he murmured, giving her a playful smirk. “but you know what? you did a good job and i think i might actually look pretty good.”

she laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. “see? i told you you'd feel bonita! my handsome, sparkly boyfriend.”

with a grin, he leaned forward and pressed a soft, glossy kiss to her cheek, leaving a faint pink stain there. she giggled as he pulled back to look at the mark he’d left, a self-satisfied look crossing his face.

“guess i’m not the only pretty princess now, huh?” he teased, his voice a low murmur as he traced his thumb gently on her neck.

she pouted, wiping the gloss off with a playful huff. “matttttt you’re lucky you’re cute.”

“yeah?” he whispered, a spark of mischief in his eyes as he leaned in closer, his lips brushing hers in a feather-light kiss. “well, 'think you’re cute too doll. real cute.”

the two of them sat there, forehead to forehead, dissolving into quiet laughter and soft murmurs, savoring the warmth of this perfect small moment.

an; 800+ followers???? stop i love you all so much

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[nylqnder]

CINDY LOU WHO MAT BARZAL

pairing: fem!reader x mat barzal

summary: after an agonizing breakup drove you from the country you return to long island for the holidays. but a chance encounter at a holiday party forces you to confront not only your unresolved emotions from your past, but also the revelation that mat had moved on with someone new.

warnings: talks of a breakup, mat being extremely a little bit dumb, talks of marriage, appearances from sydney + matt martin

wc: 4.82k

notes: based on 'cindy lou who' by sabrina carpenter. my first barzy fic and it’ll rip your heart out😁

The frost clung to the edges of your breath as you stepped out of your car, staring at the warm glow spilling from the windows of the house, sitting amongst the backdrop of a familiar city. Despite a new sense of distance, there was something comforting about being back here, among friends, with the garlands and wreaths hanging just as they had every December before you left.

Back then, everything felt simpler. Or maybe it was just the illusion of simplicity, the way the lights blurred the edges of things when the snow fell thick and heavy. That was before the break-up — the one that fractured your world and sent you spiraling into an impulsive decision. England had felt like a lifeline, a clean slate, though the flight across the Atlantic had been more of a desperate escape than a planned move.

Long Island held too many memories: the late-night drives down the shore, the coffee shop where you had your first date, and the little bookstore you stumbled into during a summer rainstorm. It wasn’t just the places; it was the people. Friends who knew too much. Strangers who seemed to know enough. It was suffocating, the way they all looked at you with pity when they thought you weren’t watching.

Being with Mat, Long Islands hockey star, meant living in a world where your private life was never truly private. Nearly four years together had built a life intertwined with his, marked by team gatherings, charity events, and being an active member of the Islanders community, where media and fans alike knew your name. Four years as Mat’s girlfriend had turned you into more than just yourself — you were part of a narrative. A love story people loved to romanticize, right up until it unraveled.

You’d known early on what you wanted — marriage, a family, a partner who shared your vision of the future. Mat loved you deeply, but when it came to tying the knot, he was hesitant. He didn’t know if he wanted to get married so soon, let alone at all. The conversations had been difficult. What started as tentative questions turned into heated arguments, and eventually, into something far heavier: the realization that this might be something the both of you couldn’t work past.

The break was supposed to be temporary, a chance to clear your heads and figure out if you could reconcile your hopes. But time apart didn’t bring clarity — it brought distance. Weeks turned into months, spent away from each other. You’d waited for a sign that Mat had changed his mind, that he’d decided your love was worth the risk of stepping into a future he couldn’t fully envision. But that moment never came.

Instead, you found yourself drifting further away, until one day, it hit you: you weren’t waiting anymore. Not for Mat. Not for the life you’d imagined together. The realization came with a sharp finality, one that sent you packing for England on a whim. Across the ocean, there was no history, no lingering reminders of what might’ve been — just a fresh start.

Yet, Long Island still had its pull. It wasn’t the lights or the traditions of the holidays that had rolled around, though they held their charm. It was your family, their persistent calls, their unspoken hope that a few weeks at home might be good for you. You told yourself it was just temporary, a chance to reconnect and recharge before returning to the quiet anonymity of England. But stepping off the plane, you felt the weight of nostalgia settling on your chest.

Your childhood home smelled of pine and cinnamon, the same way it always did this time of year. Your parents, ever nostalgic and sentimental, kept your bedroom a time capsule of your teen years, down to the posters peeling slightly at the corners and the worn-out bookshelf crammed with novels. It was strange, being back in this space as someone who had grown beyond it. The familiarity was both comforting and unsettling, like putting on a sweater that didn’t quite fit anymore.

A day after your arrival came the call from Sydney. Word had gotten around that you were back — you blamed your mother for that. Her voice had been warm, tinged with excitement, but she’d tread carefully, as if wary of unearthing old wounds.

“You have to come,” she’d said, the invitation carrying the same enthusiastic charm you remembered from the years you’d spent as her friend. “It’s a small thing, just a bunch of us catching up before the chaos of Christmas really hits.”

You’d hesitated, your instinct to protect the delicate emotional state you’d cobbled together over the past year. But Sydney had always had a way of wearing you down. “It won’t be weird,” she promised. “Mat was invited, but he didn’t RSVP. He’s so bad at answering invites, but honestly, he’s been MIA lately. He probably won’t show.”

Her words were meant to be reassuring, and at the time, they had been. But now, standing in front of their decorated idyllic Long Island mansion, with the weight of familiarity pressing in on you, you weren’t sure if you were ready for the possibility of seeing him. Sydney and Matt’s party had been a staple during the holidays when you and Mat were together, a gathering of friends, teammates, and their significant others. Coming here meant stepping back into a world that had once felt like home but now felt foreign.

You inhaled deeply, the crisp air stinging your lungs as you smoothed down your coat. The snow crunched beneath your boots as you approached the door, and the muffled hum of music and laughter grew louder. Sydney greeted you the moment you stepped inside, her arms pulling you into a warm hug.

“Look at you! You look amazing!” she exclaimed, stepping back to take you in. Her radiant smile was genuine, and for a moment, you let yourself relax. “I’m so glad you came.”

The house was just as you remembered it: garlands draped along the staircase, twinkling lights wound through every corner, and the scent of pine and cinnamon filling the air. Familiar faces turned toward you, some smiling, others with expressions of surprise. There were hugs, quick exchanges of “it’s been too long,” and the inevitable question, “How’s England?”

You answered politely, sharing anecdotes about your new life while carefully steering clear of the topic everyone probably wanted to ask about: Mat. You didn’t need to look around the room to know he wasn’t there. You would’ve felt it — the almost magnetic pull he seemed to have, even when you tried to ignore it.

The night unfolded like a nostalgic montage, full of laughter and rekindled friendships. As you caught up with familiar faces, it felt like no time had passed, like no distance had been shoved between everything you once knew. Sydney was an impeccable hostess, darting between guests but always circling back to you, her voice brimming with excitement over every little update you shared. It was easy to forget, for a time, the reasons you’d hesitated to come. You caught up with old friends, indulged in festive treats, and even found yourself laughing at stories you hadn’t thought of in years.

Matt, Sydney’s husband and Mat’s teammate, joined you two in the living room, his hearty laugh filling the room as he recalled an embarrassing moment from a long-ago road trip. It felt good, almost normal. For the first time in a long time, you felt like maybe you could exist in this space again, untethered from the weight of your shared history with Mat.

But then, a commotion from the front hall shattered the fragile peace.

Voices rose in unison, cheers and exclamations ringing out. “He’s here!” someone shouted, followed by a ripple of excitement that surged through the crowd. Your stomach tightened as the energy in the room shifted. Sydney exchanged a quick glance with you, her lips parting as if to say something, but before she could, you caught sight of him.

He stepped into view, his face unmistakable even amidst the crush of people greeting him. The years had softened some edges and sharpened others. His jawline was softer and less defined, the faintest trace of scruff along his chin. His hair, still dark and unruly, was shorter than he ever had it when you were together. And his eyes — those deep, expressive eyes — swept the room in a way that made your breath catch.

But he wasn’t alone.

A tall, striking blonde was tucked against his side, her arm looped through his. She was stunning, her lipstick a bold red that stood out against her crisp white trench coat. She leaned into him, smiling warmly at the people around them, and you didn’t need to hear the introductions to know who she was.

“Cindy,” Sydney whispered, confirming your silent dread. “They’ve been seeing each other for a while. She’s… nice.”

Nice. The word hit like a dull thud. You barely managed a nod, swallowing the lump rising in your throat. The warmth you’d felt earlier seemed to evaporate, replaced by a cold, sinking sensation in your chest.

“I need to get out of here,” you murmured, your voice tight as you turned toward Sydney.

She caught your arm gently, her grip firm but understanding. “Don’t,” she pleaded. “Please, just stay. You don’t have to talk to him. Avoid him if you need to. But I’ve missed you so much, and the team’s not the same without you. You said we’d catch up, remember?”

Her words tugged at your determination. You couldn’t deny how much you’d missed Sydney, how much you’d missed being part of this circle that had once felt like family. And yet, staying felt like stepping on a live wire, every moment charged with the potential for pain.

You nodded, the weight of Sydney’s words pressing against your reluctance. You’d promised her you’d stay, and part of you knew leaving now would only make everything harder. Still, you resolved to avoid Mat at all costs, to slip through the cracks of the party like a ghost.

The first hour wasn’t difficult. The house was large, full of nooks to retreat to and people to talk to. Every time you felt Mat's presence encroaching into the room, you quietly slipped away. When he moved to the kitchen, you migrated to the living room. When he lingered by the staircase, you found solace near the fireplace.

You clung to the edges of the room, weaving in and out of conversations just enough to seem engaged, but always slipping away before he got too close. Each time you caught a glimpse of him, your stomach twisted. He looked good — better than you remembered. It was unfair, the way time had seemed to sharpen his features, like it had been kinder to him than it had to you.

And then there was Cindy. She wasn’t just stunning — she was confident, poised, with a natural ease that made her the center of attention without trying. Watching her was like witnessing a carefully crafted version of the life you’d once lived, a life that had moved on without you.

You couldn’t stay in one place for too long. The walls felt like they were closing in, the air too warm and stifling despite the winter chill outside. You moved from room to room, dodging conversations that veered too close to the past, smiling politely but never letting your guard down.

But then, the spaces began to run out. The house wasn’t as big as it felt at first, and the guests were everywhere. You’d exhausted the kitchen, the den, and even the hallway by the coat rack. Finally, with nowhere else to go, you found yourself slipping out onto the porch, the cold biting into your skin through the thick knit sweater you wore.

The porch was quiet, the muffled sounds of the party fading behind the door. Snow was falling softly now, delicate flakes catching in your hair and melting against your skin. You leaned against the railing, your breath forming little clouds in the air, and tried to focus on the stillness of the night. The cold seeped into your bones, but it was a welcome contrast to the heat and tension inside.

You weren’t sure how long you stood there, staring out at the blanket of snow covering the lawn. Long enough for your fingers to go numb and your cheeks to sting. The quiet was a balm, but it wasn’t enough to dull the ache inside you.

The sound of the door sliding open softly pulled you from the brief daydream that consumed you, and you didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. The hesitant shuffle of shoes against snow got closer, then his voice cut through the silence, quieter than usual.

“Hey.” Mat spoke.

You froze at the sound of his voice, the word hanging in the air like a weight you couldn’t quite lift. Your heart skipped a beat, your breath catching in your chest. You didn’t want to turn around, didn’t want to face him yet, but your body betrayed you, slowly pivoting to see him standing just a few steps away.

Up close, the changes in Mat’s appearance became much more noticeable. You could see just how different he looked — older, in a way. The sharp edges of his jaw had softened, and his hair, though shorter, still had that messy quality that made you want to run your fingers through it. But what hit you hardest was the look on his face — uncertainty, maybe guilt, but there was something else there too, something you couldn’t place.

He stood there for a moment, unsure whether to close the distance or wait for you to speak. You felt the awkward tension between you both, thick enough to cut. He didn’t know what to say to you. You didn’t know what to say to him.

“Hi,” you finally said, the word tasting strange on your tongue. It felt like you were saying it to someone you barely knew anymore. The woman he’d left behind was still standing there, but the version of her that had once known him inside and out was now a stranger to herself, too.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” he said quietly, his eyes shifting away from yours, as though he didn’t want to intrude on your space, but couldn’t quite bring himself to leave.

You nodded, your throat tightening. “It’s fine. Just needed some air,” you replied, your voice calm, though you were sure it didn’t match the chaos spinning inside you.

Another long pause passed, and you could feel the weight of everything unsaid hanging between you. He shifted on his feet, as if trying to find the right words. He didn’t speak again, and you weren’t sure what you were waiting for — for him to apologize? For him to explain? For him to say something that would make sense of all the things that had happened?

Then, just as you thought the silence was becoming unbearable, the door opened again. Cindy slipped out onto the porch, her arms wrapping around her torso tightly. “Hey, there you are.” she said, her voice warm and sweet.

Mat’s face shifted, a moment of hesitation passing through his eyes. He turned to Cindy, who was standing there with a bright, welcoming smile, unaware of the tension that had already settled in. Mat hesitated for a beat, as if he was trying to find the right words to introduce you, the person who had once meant everything to him, to the woman who now filled that space.

“Cindy, this is y/n,” he said, his voice tight, “y/n… this is Cindy, my…”

Mat’s voice trailed off as his gaze got stuck on you. You could see the thoughts rushing through his mind as the words got trapped in his throat. Cindy stepped forward, finishing his sentence for him with a laugh, her tone light and playful. “His fiancée!” she said, her smile gleaming bright in the porch lights. “I think Mat is still getting used to the title!”

Fiancée… Fiancée… Fiancée.

The word fiancée echoed in your mind, drowning out everything else. It was like a punch to the gut, a slap of cold reality that stung with more force than the night air ever could. The way Cindy smiled, the way Mat looked at her — there was no mistaking it. This was real. He was engaged. To her.

You tried to breathe, but the air felt heavier now, thick with a weight that pressed against your chest. You’d never imagined him moving on so quickly, not after everything that had happened, not after the promises and hopes you’d once shared. You had walked away, yes, but you had done so believing, in some quiet part of yourself, that maybe, just maybe, the door wasn’t completely closed. Maybe Mat would change his mind, maybe time apart would make him see things differently. But standing here, in front of him, in front of Cindy, it all came crashing down.

The confusion tangled with something else, something darker. Anger. It flared up inside you, hot and sharp, burning through the numbness you’d carefully cultivated. Mat had told you he didn’t want to get married. He had said it over and over again — he wasn’t ready, and didn’t think he ever would be, not seeing marriage in the future he’d envisioned. And you had believed him. You had let go of a future with him, moved halfway across the world to escape it, to build something new. But now here he was, with a woman he was so obviously ready to commit to, ready to marry.

How could he?

You could feel the bitterness crawling up your throat, but you swallowed it back, offering a tight smile to Cindy as she stepped closer, oblivious to the storm raging inside you. Mat’s gaze flickered between the two of you, his unease palpable. You wondered if he saw it — the hurt — but didn’t know how to address it.

“Nice to meet you,” you said, your voice steady but strained. The words tasted like ash, each syllable carrying the weight of everything unspoken, everything that had been left behind. “And, uh, congratulations.”

Cindy beamed, clearly unaware of the complex undercurrents swirling between you and Mat. “Thank you! It’s been a whirlwind, but in the best way.” Her fingers brushed against Mat’s arm, the small gesture so natural and intimate it made your stomach churn.

“I can imagine,” you managed to say, gripping the railing a little tighter. The air around you felt suffocating now, despite the cold. You needed an exit, a reason to leave before the fragile façade you’d constructed cracked.

Cindy pressed on as she mistook your smile for interest. “Yeah, who would’ve thought that a girl from Arizona would wind up getting married to a hockey player!” she laughed, her arm hooking around Mat’s. “I mean, it was such a funny coincidence — I was out with some friends, and Mat was there on a road trip with the team. We just hit it off right away.” She laughed lightly, oblivious to the way your grip on the railing tightened. “It’s crazy to think that was just two years ago now. Time flies, doesn’t it?”

The words hit you like a sucker punch. Two years ago? You did the mental math, your mind immediately circling back to the timeline. Arizona. A road trip with the team. Two years ago. It aligned too perfectly with the so-called “break” you and Mat had taken — the time you were supposed to spend figuring things out, deciding if your future together was salvageable.

Your heart pounded as the pieces clicked into place. He hadn’t just moved on; he’d started over with Cindy while you were still clinging to the hope of reconciliation. The realization stung, bitter and raw. While you had agonized over every phone call he didn’t make, every moment of silence that stretched too long, he’d been out meeting someone new.

Mat’s eyes flicked to yours, his expression tight, as if he knew exactly what you were piecing together. For the first time, Cindy’s presence didn’t seem to ground him. Instead, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but here.

“That’s… great,” you said, forcing the words past the lump in your throat. Your voice felt distant, as if it belonged to someone else entirely. “I’m glad you two found each other.”

Cindy beamed again, utterly unaware of the turmoil behind your words. “Thanks! I mean, it’s wild, right? Sometimes things just fall into place when you least expect them to.” She leaned into Mat, who gave her a small, absent smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Cindy tilted her head, her curiosity piqued. “So, how do you two know each other? I thought I knew all of Mat’s friends, but then again he knows so many people.”

You opened your mouth to say something but nothing would come out. What should you even say? Tell the truth and say you and Mat used to date? Tell her that you were so head over heels for him, that you wanted to marry him, before he broke your heart and drove you from the country? Or should you lie, and just tell her you two don’t really know each other at all? After all, that wouldn’t be so far from the truth. You weren’t sure you really knew him at all.

But before you could come up with something to say, whether it was a lie or the truth, Mat spoke up, his voice tight but composed. “Y/n’s an old friend.”

Old friend. The phrase hung in the air, feeling both false and insulting. Once, you’d been everything to him, and now you were reduced to a generic label that erased the depth of your shared history. You bit back a sharp retort, unwilling to unravel in front of Cindy, who smiled, oblivious to the tension.

“That’s lovely!” Cindy said, her eyes lighting up. “It’s always nice to meet those who knew Mat before I did.”

You offered a faint smile, trying not to let her words sting. She wasn’t at fault. She was simply living in a story that had once been yours.

Mat shifted uncomfortably beside her, his hands buried deep in his coat pockets. His eyes flickered toward you again, but you refused to meet his gaze, focusing instead on Cindy’s eager expression.

“Well,” Cindy said after a beat, sensing the awkward tension but clearly unsure of its source. “I should probably get back inside before I freeze out here.” Cindy offered you another warm smile before turning back to Mat. “Come on, babe,” she said softly, tugging at his arm.

“I’ll be in soon,” Mat said, his voice quieter now. Cindy hesitated for a moment, her gaze lingering on him, before nodding.

“It was really nice meeting you, y/n.” She smiled warmly, then leaned up to press a quick kiss to Mat’s cheek before disappearing back into the house, leaving the two of you alone on the porch.

The silence that followed was deafening, broken only by the faint sound of music and laughter drifting through the closed door. Mat stayed where he was, a few steps away, his hands still shoved in his pockets as he stared at the ground. You didn’t move, your heart pounding in your chest as you waited for him to speak.

Finally, he broke the silence. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. “Yeah, well, surprise.”

Mat flinched at your tone, his jaw clenching as he looked up at you. “I didn’t mean for it to be like this.”

“Like what?” you shot back, your voice sharper than you intended. “Awkward? Painful? Completely humiliating? Which part, Mat?”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t plan on this happening tonight. I—” He hesitated, searching for the right words. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

You folded your arms across your chest, trying to shield yourself from the biting cold — or maybe from him. “Didn’t know how to tell me what, Mat? That you’re engaged? That you’ve managed to figure out what you want after telling me for years that you didn’t want marriage? Or is it just that you didn’t want it with me?”

His face tightened, and for a moment, he looked like he was about to say something, but no words came. The silence between you stretched unbearably.

“You could’ve told me,” you pressed, the anger bubbling beneath your skin now impossible to hold back. “You could’ve been honest. About her. About what you wanted. But instead, you let me walk away thinking…” You trailed off, shaking your head as your throat tightened. “Thinking it was me. That I was asking for too much. That I didn’t matter enough for you to even try.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Mat said finally, his voice low. “I didn’t know what I wanted back then. I was confused.”

“Confused?” you repeated, your voice rising slightly as you turned to fully face him. “You told me — over and over — that marriage wasn’t something you ever wanted. You were so certain, Mat. I believed you. I left because I thought I was respecting what you needed, and now…” You gestured toward the house, toward the life he’d built without you. “Now you’re engaged to someone else.”

Mat rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes avoiding yours. “Things… changed,” he muttered, almost apologetically.

You let out a hollow laugh, blinking back the sting of tears. “Changed? Just like that? Or was it never about marriage? Was it just that you didn’t want to marry me?”

The question hung in the air, raw and vulnerable, cutting through the tension like a blade. Mat’s head shot up at your words, his eyes wide with something like guilt — or was it regret? He opened his mouth, then closed it again, his silence more damning than anything he could have said.

“That’s what I thought,” you said softly, the weight of his non-answer crushing you. You turned back toward the railing, gripping it tightly as you fought to steady your breathing.

“It wasn’t about you,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “I loved you — God, I loved you so much. But back then, I didn’t know if I could be the person you needed me to be. I didn’t know if I could… give you everything you wanted.”

You swallowed hard, your breath fogging in the cold night air as you turned back to face him. “But you figured it out for her,” you said quietly, the words cutting both ways. “You found a way to be that person for Cindy.”

Mat didn’t respond, and the silence that followed felt like the final nail in the coffin. You nodded to yourself, the last flicker of hope extinguishing in your chest.

“I need to leave,” you said abruptly, stepping away from the railing.

“Wait,” Mat said quickly, reaching out as if to stop you, but you took a step back, keeping the distance between you.

“I’m happy for you, Mat,” you said, your voice steady despite the tears threatening to spill. “Really, I am. You and Cindy… you deserve to be happy.” You took a shaky breath, your lips trembling as you forced a small, sad smile. “But I can’t do this. I can’t stand here and pretend this doesn’t hurt. Because it does. It hurts like hell.”

Mat’s hand dropped back to his side, his face a mix of regret and helplessness. “I never wanted to hurt you,” he said softly.

“I know,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. “But you did.”

You turned and walked away, each step feeling heavier than the last. As you reached the door, you paused for a moment, glancing back over your shoulder. Mat was still standing there, his shoulders slumped, his breath visible in the cold air. For a brief moment, you thought he might say something — anything — to stop you. But he didn’t.

With a final, resolute step, you slipped back into the warmth of the house, the sound of laughter and music washing over you like a distant echo. You grabbed your coat, said a quick goodbye to Sydney, and left before anyone could stop you.

Outside, the snow had started to fall more heavily, covering the world in a soft, quiet blanket. You stood by your car for a moment, staring up at the dark sky, the cold air stinging your cheeks. It was over.

As you slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine, you made a silent vow to yourself: no more looking back. England was waiting for you, and with it, the life you had started to build — a life that wasn’t tied to Mat or the dreams you had once shared. It wasn’t the ending you had hoped for, but maybe it was the one that was best for you.

[enwoso]

COPYCAT — alessia russo x child!reader

twelve days of christmas | day 5

based on this request

the cold air had finally hit london and the winter feel was starting to settle but the energy around the arsenal training had still stayed the same despite the dropping temperatures. the only change was the added layers which had begun to be worn for training. 

alessia wrapped in a her thick training coat and snoode as she stood on the sideline, you by her side also wrapped in a thick coat and bobble hat with gloves covering your small hands as you sat on the side watching the same sided game unfold, your little legs swinging back and forth.

you were obviously no stranger to the training sessions, you loved watching the team train and the team loved having you there as there little hype women. they had practically adopted you at this point to be their mascot.

but as the team played there small sided games and alessia was waiting to be subbed in a little later on, you had a different plan for a source of entertainment.

"mummy," you piped up, you voice as sweet as it was michievous, "can we do the christmas quiz" this was a new little game you and your mummy had begun playing since you had been watching christmas films at nursery but also at home all snuggled up with your mummy on the run up to christmas. 

alessia turned nodding her head with a grin as you jumped up and down in your seat on the bench a small chuckle coming from your mummy as she began to think of lines from movies. 

"alright," your mummy took a seat next to you on the sheltered bench area meeting your eager gaze. "first one, 'maybe christmas... perhaps..'" 

"'...means a little bit more!'" you squealed excitedly as alessia beamed high-fiving you. 

"well done! cindy lou who?" your mummy joked as you sat with a proud smile as alessia did a little more thinking to come up with the next line. but not that far from the two of you was beth who was also waiting to be subbed into the small sided game, glanced over a curious look on her face.

"what are you two doing?" she asked, her brows rising as she was intrigued. you grinned as beth took a seat on the other side of you, " we're going christmas movie lines" a small hum of realisation came over beth as it made sense what the two of you were giggling about. 

"aright then, hit me with one. i'm pretty good at movie lines"

"not as good as me!" you challenged cheekily as you crosses you arms over your chest — well tried to as your confidence took over. nobody was as good as you, even your mummy wasn't.

alessia smirked, watching the small harmless rivalry between the two of you as her brain ticking away thinking of her next line. "right here's a good one, 'keep the change..'" 

"'ya' filthy animal'" you shouted before beth even had the chance to open her mouth. beths jaw dropping as the it was now time for the teams to exchange as beth let out a small chuckle mostly in disbelief.

"she's the reining champ" your mummy smiled proudly as she fied the hat on your head standing up from the seat on the bench as the teams were changing. you still sitting with confidence at the small race - which in no way was a race - you had just won. 

word got around the team by no other than beth mead herself about how good you were at finishing movies lines so the rest of the day was filled with the team just trying to catch you off guard with the lines, but no one had, had any luck.

steph, beth, kyra and alessia were sat in the locker room getting the last of their things they needed for taking home as steph gasped, what about this one, tiny." you perked up from your little cubby, your legs swinging from side to side as you waited.

"'the best way to spread christmas cheer..'" steph told the line as you hummed for a few minute and a look was given between the adult as they thought they had finally mamanged to catch you put but..

"'...is singing loud for all to hear!" you sung at the top of your lungs, small huff could be heard as they though they were close but really they were no where near as the laughter came from your off beat singing. if it had of been anyone else in the team they'd of been told to shush but because it was you it was adorable off tune singing.

"she's unstoppable!" 

"tiny, you need a trophy cause this is actually impressive" you grinned, clearly revelling in the attention. "one more, mummy!"

alessia pretended to think hard, tapping her chin. then, she crouched down and whispered dramatically, "'you sit on a throne of lies.'" you gasped in mock shock. "elf mummy that wasn't hard we watch that one all the time!" you yelled, pointing an accusing finger at your mummy.

she held her hands up in a mock defesivly picking up her bag as small giggles could be heard from your comment before you had to say your goodbyes to the team.

your mummy leading you to the car, buckling you into your carseat, a smile not leaving your mummy's face at the way you had brightened the entire afternoon up with your energy even if the weather was terrible.

as you mummy got into the driver's side, you piped up from the backseat. "mummy i'm glad you're not like the grinch" alessia let out a small laugh as she glanced at you in the rearview mirror, her brow furrowing. "yeah? and why's that?"

"because your heart is already three sizes too big!"

"and you lovie, are the reason why it's that way."

[copinghex]

Family bonds | T.S

Summary: After a hurtful comment at a fundraising event, you wonder what really bonds Tommy to your child. 

A/N: Ok, so as I previously mentioned, I edited some of my old stories and will be reposting one per week. This is the first selected!

"Do you want to sit?" Tommy whispered in your ear, your hand went straight to your belly, moving up and down, where you baby rests and patiently waits to be born.

"No, I'm fine, just take this gin away from me, otherwise I'll be tempted," you pushed his glass away, "are the cute kids working?" 

"The wives look more excited than the men, but yeah, four huge donations until now," 

"In less than two hours? That's a new record!" 

This was probably the best business idea you ever had. The inauguration ceremony of the Shelby Institute for orphaned children took place in a cozy room, with closed windows and lighted up fireplaces, the cold breeze freezing the bones of anyone who dared to attend without a coat.

Months later, spring came to warm your bones and put a self-giving feeling into Thomas Shelby's heart. In the middle of a boring, typical week, he arrived home planning to uplift the structure of the institute's building. 

He told you the idea during the night, with his hand resting on your pregnant belly and although he didn't tell you what made him come up with it, you could clearly see his line of thought.

Tommy could rarely afford nice things, there was no gentleness in survival and for most of his life, that was all he did. Finally, with his rise to new money, he could provide something he never had to children who look too much like him - comfort. Also, being seen as a charitable person would do no harm to the business.

The small change of plans you suggested put a smile on his face, instead of making a typical fundraising dinner, why not make an afternoon tea? The invitations encourage couples to bring their children, seeing those innocent little humans running around shall make them remember why to donate.

A mansion with a huge garden was rented for the event, maids were hired to look after the children and butlers served biscuits and hot cups of tea. For your surprise, the event had more children than adults, most couples - including you and Tommy - were outnumbered by their children. 

Your eyes ran through the garden trying to find your little ones, the younger one was the easiest, no place was safest than inside your own mama, but it was better to keep an eye on the other three. Marie Louise Adler, whose hair looked exactly like yours. The twins, Henry and William Shelby, except for the eyes, are small versions of Tommy, from the physical appearance to the mannerism.

Quickly, you found William trying to teach one of John's girls how to use a slingshot. A few steps away, Henry had a handful of biscuits and carried a toy car made of wood.

"Where is Loui-'' before you could ask, a collective ugh followed by a child's cry got your attention.

Louise was under a tree with her knees on the grass, the hem of her yellow dress covered in dirt and the left leg of her white stockings ruined, exposing her bruised knee. Tommy reacted faster than you, his hand slid through your waist as he ran in her direction. You quickly followed after, rolling up the sleeves of your dress.

He picked Louise up, she put her arms around his neck and seemed to calm down a bit. A maid tried to apologize for neglecting your little girl, but you were too focused on following Tommy inside to answer.

Curious eyes followed your trio while you crossed the hallway and once you were in a private room, Tommy tried to put Louise on a sofa, but she didn't want to let go.

"C'mon, love," he encouraged, making her lift her crying face from his neck and allow him to sit her down.

"What happened, Lou?" you took her hair off her face and her stockings off, watching out to not brush her bruised knee.

"I was trying to climb on the tree, but I got scared and slipped up," she brushed off tears with her tiny hands.

Tommy took a napkin and wetted it with gin, after kneeling in front of the girl, he asked, "And what did me and mama say, eh?" 

She looked down, ashamed of disobeying.

"You can only climb trees when me or daddy are around to help," you rubbed her back, trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," she pouted.

"Now I have to clean your knee, it's full of dirt," Tommy held her leg.

"No! It 's gonna hurt!" she pulled her leg back.

"Just a little, but don't think about it," you sat at her side, holding her head to your chest, "think about the delicious cake I'll get you when we get home!" 

"Can we get some too?!" William, who'd been peeking the whole scene from the door, suddenly yelled, Henry tried to shush him and ended up being dragged by the hand into the room.

"Boys! How long have you been there?" 

"It was William! He had the idea of following you!" Henry quickly accused.

"That 's not true! You were curiou-" 

"Alright, boys, it doesn't matter," Tommy silenced the argument before it started, playfully hitting the twins foreheads with the napkin.

While you were distracted by the kids, Tommy had taken care of Louise's knee and the five of you were finally allowed to go back to the event.

Louise insisted Tommy should carry her, Henry and William took your hands and the eyes of many guests softened to the vision of you walking together. 

Soon, the kids dispersed in the garden, Tommy got the attention of charitable housewives, interested in donating to the institute, you leaned on an empty table, sipping your favorite juice and smiling at anyone who crossed your way.

"Mrs. Shelby!" an old woman walked to you with a huge smile, "I must say, this is the most diverse charity event I attended in years!" 

 "Oh, thank you so much, misses…"

"Thompson, Aline Thompson, nice to meet you," she shook your hand. "you don't drink?" 

"Usually I do, but I'm pregnant," 

"Darling! That's lovely! Your husband is already so lucky to have two kids, now one more!" 

"Three," you corrected her.

"Pardon?" 

"Thomas and I have three children, Henry, William and Louise," 

"Well, if that's the case, I guess you're the lucky one, Mr. Shelby indeed treats the girl as if she's his," 

"Hm," you pressed your lips together. "may I ask who told you Louise isn't Tommy's?" 

"It's written in the guest list, Y/N Adler Shelby and Louise Adler, I'm sorry for Mr. Adler, I'm sure he was a good man," she smiled, "now, if you excuse me," 

Aline left you with teary eyes, how dared she speak about your family like this? But what if…? What if she was right? Did Tommy really love Louise? Did he see her as his daughter or an extension of you?

"Seven, Louise falling over had a good effect on them," Tommy held your arm, telling you about the new huge donations.

"Really? That's great, love," 

"Are you alright?" 

"Yeah, just a bit tired," 

"I'll tell the driver to take you home," 

"No! There’s still a few hours to go,"

"Ada will take your place, most of the guests are leaving already anyway,"

"Oh, alright then," you drawled.

"Will you take the kids?"

"Yeah, I think," you looked around, searching for them, "just Louise, the boys look like they're having fun, can you look after them?"

"Sure." 

-

The way home was quiet, Louise had asked to rest on your leg and fell into deep sleep, Frances helped you to carry her to bed. After a well-deserved bath, you had put some foundation's papers in order so Tommy could add today's profit without any problem. Night was falling and all you could do was wait for the rest of your family to arrive.

Heading upstairs, your eyes fixed in a spot they usually didn't, the family painting. It took months of persuasion for Tommy to agree to pose and even longer for it to be done, since he only agreed to give away two hours of his agenda. 

Your heads leaned together in a sign of unquestionable affection, Louise sat in the middle, where your right and Tommy's left leg stuck together. William was on your left leg and Henry on Tommy's right, they were less than two years old and didn't get a characteristic Shelby haircut yet. All in all, you looked like a family, no one would dare to say otherwise, unless Aline Thompson.

The sound of the front door opening followed by the maid's heels told you Tommy arrived, you decided to wait in the stairs and he showed up alone.

"Where's Henry and William?" you asked with furrowed brows. 

"At Ada's, they wanted a sleepover with Karl," 

While you both walked upstairs, he had a hand on your lower back and you realized he didn't ask about Louise, the very first thing you did when Tommy arrived was to ask about your kids, Tommy didn't even bother, probably because Louise wasn't his.

Time passed quietly, Tommy took a bath and asked a few questions about the paperwork, you told him to add today's profit and nodded to whatever else he said. Night could have been good, or at least, peaceful.

He sat on the bed looking through his paperwork and his sudden warning made your jaw clench, "You have a doctor's appointment scheduled for tomorrow, so be home when he arrives," 

"What for?" 

"To check on our girl," he answered without paying attention.

"How do you know it's a girl?" 

"This pregnancy it's different from the boy's," 

"Oh," you lay down, turning your back on him, "I'm glad you at least care about this girl," 

He sighed and you heard him writing something, a few seconds passed until he asked, "What did you say?" 

You didn't answer.

"Y/n, what do you mean?" he touched your shoulder, trying to make you look at him.

"Nothing, Tommy, nothing," 

"No, what the fuck you mean with this girl?" 

You sat up, taking a good look at his face before questioning, "How many children do we have, Tommy?" 

"Three and another one on the way," he harshly answered and you sighed in relief.

"This is what you say to everyone else, right? Not just to me," 

"Yeah, y/n, of course, why would you fucking ask that?" 

You teared up and Tommy's face softened, he cupped your face, catching some tears and patiently waiting for you to speak.

"You only have three, Tommy, the twins and this one," you rubbed your belly.

"Who said that?" he looked at you with disbelief.

"It's the truth," 

"Louise is my child,"

"You know she's not, I know it, you know it, and-"

"Y/n-" 

"Aline Thompson fucking knows it," 

"Who 's Aline Thompson?" 

"It doesn't matter, Tommy," 

"It fucking does, if there's someone around saying Louise isn't my child, then I have to know," 

"It won't change the facts." 

"Listen," he moved closer to you and cupped your face again, "Louise is my child, I'm raising her, she's a Shelby." 

"Then why didn't you ask about her when you arrived?" 

"I asked Frances, she told me she's sleeping since evening," 

"Oh," your cheeks heated up, ashamed of this huge misunderstanding. 

"Who's Aline Thompson?" 

"A stupid woman at the charity tea, she said I was lucky for you treating Louise as your own," 

"Lucky, eh?" he nodded, "I bet her husband has a deal with the Shelby Company," 

"No, Tommy!" you giggle.

"Oh, just a few pounds to lose,"

"Tommy! You're mean! Not that she doesn't deserve it," 

Hesitant knocks on the door made you stop laughing, you and Tommy switched a look before he got up and opened the door.

"I'm sorry to bother, Mr. Shelby," a young maid holding Louise's hands apologized, "but Louise wants to sleep with you," 

Too sleepy to speak, your daughter rubbed her eyes and walked past Tommy, climbing on the bed and laying near you. 

"Right, thank you-" 

"Oh, also, Mrs. Thorne called, the twins want to come home."