#lots of talk about love in this post but literally all the respect for loveless aro folks

[lesbianfakir]

Seeing posts about aroace mytho and I’d like to raise you my personal cherished headcanon that I hold near and dear to my heart: aromantic Duck.

So obviously people love shipping Duck so this headcanon won't catch on but hear me out. Duck's strongest relationships are (arguably) platonic ones.

Duck explicitly says she loves Mytho, yes, but as the show progresses that love becomes more evidently platonic. She admires Mytho but she doesn't want him, especially when compared with Rue. Her feelings for Mytho markedly change over the course of the first season. She stops blushing around him, stops imagining herself in a relationship with him. That initial attraction is replaced by a deep admiration and a desire to save him.

Her crush on Mytho could be read in a variety of ways--it could be physical attraction, comphet, or a simple desire to be close to him that has been misinterpreted as romantic feelings.

Beyond Mytho, she regards Rue as a beloved friend, and any indication that she may have feelings for Fakir may just easily be read as platonic. In fact, it's very telling that her closest relationship is with the person who becomes her best friend, rather than her star-crossed fairytale prince.

The part that hammers in the aromantic narrative for me is how, according to the story, Tutu's whole life is supposed to revolve around romantic love. She gives everything for her love until there is nothing left of her. Duck is simply fulfilling a role.

In the scene that struck me as the most aromantically coded Drosselmeyer tells Duck she "should" be in love with Mytho and want to marry him. She seems uncomfortable at this and looks away without responding. This leaves her feelings for Mytho up to interpretation, but personally I always read it as Duck is uncomfortable because she hasn't been thinking about marrying Mytho. She is unsure how to respond because she knows she is failing to perform her role as a Princess.

Drosselmeyer forces amatonormativity upon Duck and tries to reduce her whole role to her feelings for Mytho, expecting her to drop everything for him in a way that completely disregards her other important relationships. This is contrasted by how Duck's feelings for Mytho are so deeply tied to the fact that she became human for him. She is more upset at the prospect of returning to a duck and losing her friends and ability to dance than she is at losing Mytho's love.

I like taking the amatonormative narrative and twisting it to be an aromantic one. The story of Princess Tutu is about a girl who cannot confess her love in the "normal" way without completely losing herself. Duck works around this by finding unconventional ways to express love. She cannot confess a type of love she does not feel. And when Duck does find love it's an unconditional, no-pressure love that doesn't demand romance or reciprocation of her. She has stopped trying to perform relationships and is allowed to exist as herself. As a shoujo protagonist she is breaking the conventions of the genre by not "ending up" with anyone, but i find it a much more resonant ending than if she had ended up with her "Prince."

[madara-fate]

I also wasn't insinuating that MinaKushi or DanTsu are the only good examples of good romantic relationships (I don't even care about these pairing for the record, or any other pairing in Naruto). I'm just pointing out that people do not doubt that Minato loves Kushina or that Dan loves Tsunade. If Sasuke genuinely loved Sakura and Kishimoto did a good job at showing it, then there would not be a huge debate on whether he does love her or not, because it would be obvious to pretty much everyone that he does, whether they like the ship or not. The fact that it's not and that so many people still debate on this to this day either shows that Kishimoto did a poor job at showing Sasuke as a loving husband either that Sasuke does not love her, despite that "love is the real deal" line or his reply to Sarada's question. It's show vs tell if you know what I mean. On one hand he tells us that "love is the real deal" but on the other hand he does not really show it all too well, which makes many people think whether he truly meant those words or he was being sarcastic and simply mocked the fans. It's either a case of bad writing either Sasuke simply does not love Sakura. I personally don't know what to think. I tend to lean towards the first option, it may just be bad writing after all. He admitted he's not great at writing romance and to be honest? It shows. It is even implied they haven't kissed in Gaiden by Sakura looking sad when Sarada asked her if they ever kissed. And I know you like to refute that by saying that it's preposterous to think they haven't kissed when they obviously had sex in order to concieve Sarada, but the thing is, it is entirely possible to have sex with someone but not kiss. It really is. When you're having sex but you're not really enjoying it or when you have simply been pressured and pestered into having sex with a person. Sakura Hiden confirmed the fact that Sakura was determined to confess her feelings to Sasuke over and over again until he would've eventually reciprocated. She compared that with punching a villain over and over until they're defeated. Now please tell me, would it be so far fetched to consider that harassment? If someone tells you no once, you have to respect their rejection and stop pursuing them, not take it as a challenge to persist in reaffirming your feelings over and over again until they eventually get tired or take pity in you and accept to give you a chance. And even in Gaiden it was confirmed that Sakura had to chase after Sasuke. It's really easy to see this ship as... problematic, to say the least. I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt tho and blame it on bad writing rather than on Kishimoto simply implying SS is not really a loving relationship, but if other people are not convinced or deny that Sasuke loves Sakura, you have to let your bias aside and admit that they have reasons to believe that. The writing makes it really easy to interpret it either way, depending on your preferences.

I already answered a lot of the points you made here in my response to your previous ask, but it's important for people to remember the type of person Sasuke is, and understand that the manner in which he shows affection isn't the same as Dan or Minato. It's a lot more subtle. Are people doubting that Vegeta loves Bulma and Trunks? No, so then people need to ask themselves - in which ways has Vegeta demonstrated that he loves his family in ways that Sasuke hasn't? Both of them aren't outwardly affectionate, both of them aren't romantic, but both of them have undoubtedly demonstrated that they love their family. Yet, only one of them is questioned. It really is just a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation. If Sasuke acts all affectionate like Dan and Minato, people will claim that he's OOC (like they did for Sasuke Retsuden), but if he stays reserved and demonstrates affection in his own way, people will just turn a blind eye and say he doesn't care. It really just shows how little they actually know Sasuke's character. To think that Sasuke, who hails from the clan which values love above all else, would marry and start a family with someone he doesn't love.

On one hand he tells us that "love is the real deal" but on the other hand he does not really show it all too well, which makes many people think whether he truly meant those words or he was being sarcastic and simply mocked the fans.

People actually think that Kishi may have been "sarcastic" when he described their love as the real deal. Oh my goodness. Why would Kishi purposely give wrong information to the readers (and never reveal what's actually going on)? Why would he intentionally want the readers to misunderstand his story and characters? Why would he want to portray his 2nd biggest character as someone who would enter a loveless marriage when that literally goes against the ways of his clan and his entire character? Do people not listen to themselves?

It's like how so many people claim that Sasuke saying "because you exist" means that the only reason he and Sakura are still together is because of Sarada, and people really don't realise how stupid that sounds. They don't stop and ask themselves why Sarada would be brought to happy tears, why Chouchou would describe her as lucky, and why Naruto would give her a knowing smile, if Sasuke had really just insinuated that she was the only thing that was keeping her parents together:

They just don't think. They apparently believe that Chouchou was happily thinking to herself "aww, lucky Sarada, you're the only thing keeping your parents together!", and that makes sense to them apparently, Chouchou being so happy for Sarada after hearing such awful news. It's unbelievable.

And I know you like to refute that by saying that it's preposterous to think they haven't kissed when they obviously had sex in order to conceive Sarada, but the thing is, it is entirely possible to have sex with someone but not kiss. It really is. When you're having sex but you're not really enjoying it or when you have simply been pressured and pestered into having sex with a person.

This is just like the people who believe that Sasuke is gay, justifying their ridiculous claims by pointing out how "you can be gay and still marry a woman", and to that I always say - Why would Sasuke do that? Just like to you I'll say - Why would Sasuke do that? To have sex and not kiss? Why would Sasuke of all people be "pressured and pestered" into entering a relationship with someone? He obviously has no problem whatsoever with bluntly turning people down. If he doesn't want to do something, he's not gonna do it. Heck, if you're using Sakura Hiden to try and prove your points then I'll also use a novel to prove this one - The lipstick stain scene during Sasuke Shinden: The Teacher's Star Pupil, explicitly indicates that Sakura and Sasuke had kissed earlier that day. The motorbike scene during Naruto Retsuden has Sakura kiss Sasuke. Sasuke and Sakura having kissed, is not (and has never been) a topic that's open to discussion.

Sakura Hiden confirmed the fact that Sakura was determined to confess her feelings to Sasuke over and over again until he would've eventually reciprocated. She compared that with punching a villain over and over until they're defeated. Now please tell me, would it be so far fetched to consider that harassment? If someone tells you no once, you have to respect their rejection and stop pursuing them, not take it as a challenge to persist in reaffirming your feelings over and over again until they eventually get tired or take pity in you and accept to give you a chance. And even in Gaiden it was confirmed that Sakura had to chase after Sasuke.

I've already talked at length about that scene from Sakura Hiden so I won't do so again here, but I'll link the relevant post where I explained how that scene obviously was not meant to be taken as a negative comment, but people will of course just twist things in order to suit their own anti Sakura/SS agenda.

But if other people are not convinced or deny that Sasuke loves Sakura, you have to let your bias aside and admit that they have reasons to believe that. The writing makes it really easy to interpret it either way, depending on your preferences.

No, here's what people need to understand. If people think that Sasuke's love towards Sakura was not adequately shown, then that's a reason to criticise the writing. It is not however, a reason to deny what is canon. They are stating that Sasuke does not love Sakura, despite the fact that this has explicitly been stated. Sasuke loving Sakura is a canon fact, whether they like it or not. Criticise the execution all you want, I know I have plenty of times, but don't deny the truth. Hell, since you wanted to use the novels...

During Sakura Hiden, Sasuke rushed back for Sakura's sake, despite having ignored the village's prior pleas for help. What does that say about his feelings for her?

During Akatsuki Hiden, Sasuke described Sakura as "The Spring Sunshine" which illuminated his dark life. What does that say about his feelings for her?

What does basically the entirety of Sasuke Retsuden say about his feelings for her?

Many anti SS fans are always so quick to use the novels when it suits them. And then when a novel like Sasuke Retsuden comes along and completely shits over all their theories, they're just as quick to dismiss the novel as an OOC fan fic by a sub par author, figures. As far as I'm concerned, the manga is more than enough to show that Sasuke loves his family (seriously this really isn't up for debate), but I'll also definitely say that anyone who criticises SS and uses the novels as a point of reference, is in way over their heads.

[lunarfly]

Ok so I decided to finally post the promised: defending Romione (🥺💗💕💖💞💘) against Dr*mione (ಠಿ_ಠ) shippers.

So I've read a few posts about Dr*mione shippers, talking about why their ship is amazing (which had nothing to do with canon btw) and bashing Ron (for no reason) and I'm literally shaking out of anger.

Here are my thoughts:

1. "Ron is too dumb for hermione"

Stop- Just-

Stop.

RON IS NOT DUMB.

Yes, he might not be very interested in school subjects, but 👏 that 👏 doesn't 👏 mean 👏 he 👏 is 👏 dumb 👏.

He is actually very smart! He beat McGonagall's chess game, he is logical and quick-thinking. There's MANY examples of this that I won't name right now, but it's a canonical fact. Ron. Is. Not. Dumb.

And consider he was dumb. So? Would that stop Romione from happening? NO! Hermione didn't mind Ron not being smart. She was just upset that Ron was lazy and wouldn't study anything until the last minute. She wanted to get both Harry and Ron to study according to a schedule.

Is it clear? Intelligence doesn't determine love.

**And this is something that confuses me. This doesn't have anything to do with the point, but why does nobody realize that Harry isn't much smarter than Ron? Yes, he was better at DADA but that requires TALENT, not intelligence. And I'm pretty sure we all know that Ron is talented as well (hopefully everyone realizes that). Nobody uses the fact that Harry wasn't intelligent against Harmione, but everyone uses the fact that Ron wasn't intelligent against Romione. The double standards tear apart the fandom.

2. "Ron bought hermione perfume and Draco could get her something better."

Soooo, you're saying that just because Ron didn't have the money that Draco had means that Hermione didn't deserve Ron?

Wow, this just says a lot about you dr*mione shippers. You only care about the money that Draco has, not his personality. You don't like Ron because he's poor (and I know how FanFics give the "kind Draco" Ron's canon personality so the only "problem" with Ron is his looks and lack of money). And you don't see Hermione nor Ron the way they are. This "point" of yours is literally stating that Hermione should be a gold-digger and get Draco because he can get her the expensive presents that she deserves. Yikes.

3. "Draco can understand the emotional side of Hermione while Ron can't."

Wait

What?

WHERE DO YOU GET THIS IDEA FROM-

Draco is only EVER concerned about his own self, he is a NARCISSIST. He would NEVER care for someone (let alone Hermione) as purely and truly as he cared about himself. He didn't even care about Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy Parkinson etc. He was selfish. The only reason he could express his emotions was because he had to go through a lot since he realized that killing Dumbledore wasn't as easy as bullying Hermione. This would never ever work.

And even if Ron didn't understand her as much, he STILL comforted her. Take the beginning chapters of The Deathly Hallows as an example. You'll see.

4. "Ron is too immature."

I need help.

Of course Ron was immature when he was 11!! Yes, he acted immaturely many times, yes, he made many mistakes, but guess what? He changed! He changed for Hermione!! Draco didn't change at all, not for Hermione, nor for anyone else. He remained the same bratty bully.

If you could reread the books and read prisoner of azkaban vs deathly hallows, you will definitely see how much Ron has matured. He doesn't argue with Hermione anymore, he comforts her, he's there for her. Yes, he made a mistake but he was manipulated by the horcrux! We don't blame Ginny for what tom riddle's diary made her do, do we? So stop blaming Ron!

Anyways, I think if dr*mione shippers have read the books, they'll know what I'm talking about when I say Ron changed for Hermione. I honestly don't know how you could miss Ron's character arc.

5. "Ron would be jealous of the brilliant Hermione."

What?

If I remember correctly, the reason Draco bullied the trio was because he was jealous of them. His jealousy turned into a 7 year torture for the trio and now you're saying that Ron is the jealous one? Please.

But anyways, Ron has been jealous of Harry and has made a few mistakes. But there are reasons behind them and I can defend him for each of these with arguments other than "everyone makes mistakes" (cough cough* Draco stans* cough cough).

First of all, Ron has admitted being jealous of Harry's fame because he lives with 5 older brothers who outshine him. But that's not really a mistake because he never let it get in his way. There were only 2 situations in 7 years when he left Harry out of jealousy but I think these have different explainations.

No1 Ron left in goblet of fire. I think the real reason that Ron let his jealousy get in his way this time, was not only because Harry got to participate in the tournament which could bring him eternal glory, but more likely because he was disappointed that his own best friend didn't even tell him that he was entering and didn't even help him participate (which wasn't true, but Ron thought so back then).

No2 Ron left in deathly hallows. This one was 100% because of the horcrux and I think we should all accept this by now and stop hating on Ron for being affected by dark magic.

And just like that, Ron never let his jealousy get in his way of friendships. I can't think of a situation where Ron is jealous of the brilliant Hermione so if you remember, please let me know so I can argue against it. <3

6. "Ron and Hermione would break up and remain friends, it's easy to imagine because they didn't have a strong relationship."

This was actually said, someone actually said this-

I'm just going to say that Ron and Hermione are happily married to this day (which definitely proves that their relationship is strong) and give the dr*mione community a moment of silence.

7. "Ron didn't do anything for Hermione and was just a jerk."

Coming from a person who has read and reread the books multiple times, I can assure you that Ron did many things for Hermione.

Of course, he was immature at first, he was mean to her, but slowly he started seeing more of the good in Hermione and started changing for her.

And even when he was immature, he still cared about Hermione and would protect her no matter what.

Let's remember how many times rubbish Ron stood up for Hermione against the brilliant bully Draco. 🥰

Let's remember how cowardly Ronald faced his fears of spiders to help Hermione (and the rest of the school, just how jerkier can he get?). 🥰

Let's remember how ridiculous Ronniekins stood up for Hermione against sensational Snape and got himself into detention (oh yes, this is the book version of the movie moment where Ron agrees with Snape about Hermione being an 'insufferable know-it-all'). 🥰

Let's remember how rotten Ronny comforted Hermione when she was worried about Hagrid and Buckbeak (and he even let her hug him and cry on his shoulder, how rude). 🥰

Let's remember how revolting Ronald sacrificed himself to save Harry and Hermione in the chess game. 🥰

Let's remember how horrendous Ron attempted to hex Draco when he used a slur that was meant to offend Hermione. 🥰

Keep in mind that all of these were done when Ron was still immature and still argued a lot with Hermione.

And these aren't even all.

8. "Ron and Hermione have a loveless marriage."

What the-

I'm sorry, I'm trying to be respectful here but this is crap. And the fact that the person said they also had "proof" from the c*rsed ch*ld but didn't want to spoil it-

As much as I hate the c*rsed ch*ld, I can tell you that it did its job portraying Ron and Hermione's unconditional love. Even in alternative realities, where they didn't get married, they were still in love.

And why would you even think that Ron and Hermione would marry and have kids if they didn't love each other? I need explainations.

Next.

9. "Ron never listens to Hermione."

I'm sorry, what? I'm genuinely confused??

What do you even mean by this? Yeah, they used to argue a lot, and? Ron thinks Hermione is brilliant and wonderful and he follows her advice. I can't recall a moment where Ron won't listen to Hermione, doesn't agree with her and ruins her plans. Anyone else?

Since this one is a big mess and a confusion, I'll move on to the next one until someone explains the points and arguments.

10. "Draco could make Hermione laugh while Ron couldn't."

....

Do I really need to say anything for this one?

Ron was the funniest one from the trio, that's why Harry enjoyed his company so much! Don't you remember the line in goblet of fire where Harry thinks about how much he misses having Ron as his best friend, because without him there's less fun and less laughs? I do.

But what I don't remember is finding Draco's sense of humor funny. I'm sorry but his intellectual level is almost as low as Crabbe and Goyle's. His insults are none other than Potty and Weaselbee, he only got 3 O.W.L.s and all of his jokes were stupid and dumb and their only purpose was insulting people he was jealous of.

These fanfics have rotten people's brains...😬

Anyways, I'm going to stop here. I've delayed this post for very long and I'm so excited to finally post it!

I read a book on wattpad by a dr*mione shipper and it was nothing but a giant headache. That's where I got all of these statements from. Most of the garbage in the book revolved around Draco and Hermione being inseparable and getting over all obstacles (wth) and other stupid stuff like that which really annoyed me. The book was called "why we love dr*mione" and it was by Bittenwizard. You can read and enjoy! Trust me, you'll have lots of content to post about after that 🤠👍

*I always try to be respectful to all ships, but sometimes some of them really anger me because the ships are either toxic or the arguments are plain trash. I'm sorry if I offend anyone.

Thank you for reading this. If you're a dr*mione shipper, I hope I've convinced you to give up the ship or come up with better arguments for it.

If you're an anti-dramione I hope you enjoyed the post. I'll delight you with more anti-toxic-ships content. :)

Thank you once again! <3

[catharsis-in-a-bottle]

A very long post about romantic attraction, social situations, sexual orientation, etc.

In short, a slightly organized brain dump involving some of my personal experiences and hopefully some takeaways. 

There are many things I’ve learned, both in general and about myself, simply by investigating online resources about the acespec and arospec communities.

Some of these were things that I think I already knew internally, but that I had never voiced before because I didn’t have the words or the terms to describe them. 

I’ve learned about different types of attraction, and I’ve realized that I can categorize them internally. For example, I’ve definitely mistaken platonic attraction with romantic attraction in the past. The term ‘squish’ - basically a sort of friend crush - can be applied to several of my experiences, and honestly, it really explains my conscious disconnect towards romance. I’ve realized that wanting to get to know someone better does not equate wanting to date them.

I’ve learned about other arospec identities, like greyromantic and demiromantic, and how they might apply to me. I’ve realized that my romantic attraction has essentially been limited to one person, and that otherwise my desires have been platonic - again, wanting to get to know someone better because I find them interesting, or else having a deep admiration/respect for them. None of these things are romantic attraction, and it’s been very relieving to discover this. It makes sense. 

I think I’ve always had a weird feeling towards all the societal cues and expectations associated with romance. Why are certain things associated with wanting to form a romantic relationship? As a child, I thought I was a girl and I knew, just from the social code of school life, that becoming friends with boys would be seen as some romantic advance (despite the fact that we were all literally elementary schoolers.) In first grade, everyone thought I had a crush on this kid I was friends with, and I always laughed at them. I was just looking for friends. Friends isn’t a freaking gender-specific term. I think I’ve always kind of tried to “play it cool” with the boys, especially in middle school, simply because I didn’t really want anyone to think “haha, so-and-so is dating so-and-so” just because I had a conversation with another person. And what sucked is that when I thought I might be bi, I kind of consciously did the same thing around girls as well - I tried to be socially adept and “cool” and not too overly open, just because of all of these social codes that indicate romantic intent. 

One of these strange codes that confused me was this: “if so-and-so has a crush on you, you should totally date them!” What if I didn’t like so-and-so back? Why the hell would I date them? But something that I witnessed happening quite often in middle school was kids finding out someone ‘liked’ them and then wanting to ‘like’ that person back, despite not having formed attraction in the first place. It felt like a puzzle. It was something that I observed and maybe sort of over-analyzed, because dissecting social situations and laying out pieces of the puzzles on the floor is something I just do. I reckon that kids were not only beginning to experience romantic/sexual attraction individually, but that they were also recognizing the social standards that were beginning to form. The first batch of kids wanted to form relationships (if not long-lasting ones), and so they did; other kids who were experiencing attraction subsequently felt a little bit of pressure to get with someone fast. The complaints of “I’m so sad I don’t have a boyfriend” and similar phrases rang free throughout the hallways. In short, allo- and heteronormativity seems to have influenced a lot of people. Which is fine for many, but also restricting for those in the lgbtq+ community (but of course, the jungle of school life does not intend to cater to the minorities) It was simply a thing that happened, and a thing I’m seeing a bit more clearly now. 

[Also, the concept of using the word ‘like’ to describe adolescent romantic interest in another person always confused me. I never got why ‘like’ had romantic intent - I liked people that I’d formed friendships with. No one ever outright said “I have a crush on this person.” They just said like.]

There’s only one occasion on which I’ve known how to react emotionally to someone telling me that he had romantic interest in me, and that’s only because I personally ‘liked’ them back. I had already imagined that situation, and I welcomed it. [Amusingly enough, we both kind of ignored our confessions for a while, but eventually we formed an actual relationship. Ah, the joys of social situations.] But in terms of other people admitting their interest, which hasn’t happened all that much but has still happened, I’ve had very mixed reactions. One time a couple of years ago, it was my friend whom I cared very deeply about. I didn’t really know how she knew that I didn’t have interest in dating her, but somehow she did, and she told me so. This made my reaction less clouded and more simple, and it wasn’t really an uncomfortable situation; I confirmed easily enough that I didn’t have any interest in dating her and the situation resolved nicely. Basically, although it wasn’t an ideal occurrence, it didn’t affect our friendship in any way.

But there have been other times where it’s been extremely uncomfortable. Once, I joined an after-school club in which I barely knew anyone. During one of our meetings, we took a walk to a local coffee shop to just sort of hang out. And this girl - I’ll call her ‘C’ for online purposes - sat down and started talking to me. This was fine - why not have a bit of conversation? She talked about K-pop a lot (which eventually got very annoying lol) and just seemed like she wanted to be my friend, and internally I told myself well, I don’t really know her and she doesn’t seem like the kind of person I want to hang out with but we’re at a coffee shop and I’m bored. At the end of our coffee shop trip, C asked for my phone number. I didn’t take this to mean anything beyond the fact that she wanted to talk to me more, and though I felt inclined to decline her offer, I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings (again, the joys of social situations.) So now she had my phone number. Here’s where things got weird. For one thing, she sent me a bunch of random pictures of K-pop singers, saying things such as “omg he’s so hot” which was already uncomfortable in itself. Me, being a bit of an idiot, didn’t stand up for myself, or even block her number. Then, she came out to me as pansexual and told me she had a crush on me. When she told me this, she did not imply in any way that she didn’t have an intent of dating me or something, so I was very, very uncomfortable for several reasons. Firstly, I didn’t know her that well - I didn’t really even consider her a friend. Secondly, I definitely did not want to date her because I didn’t really know her. And thirdly, I didn’t know how to react. I think I said something along the lines of “Oh, well, um, okay, I don’t have a crush on you” and left it at that. For the final puncher, she started finding me in the hallways after school as she left for the bus and giving me hugs. I am typically not a physically affectionate person, so this was just weird as hell for me. Again, like an idiot, I didn’t stand up for myself, and so I just kind of stood there... all of this took place right before my school shut down because of the pandemic, so I was literally saved by everyone getting kicked out of school. Thankfully, I did not see her anymore, and finally I blocked her number as I should have done much, much earlier. [I didn’t intend to make that story so long, but there it is anyway.]

The point is, I found it extremely strange that someone I barely knew had a crush on me. This feeling was amplified when, a couple months ago, something else happened: someone on Instagram, who I didn’t know at all, expressed interest in dating me. I was extremely confused. Apparently they sort of knew me because we were in the same school system, but I’d still never met them.

I simply mean to say that romantic attraction drives people to lengths that I personally find strange and inconceivable. Looking into the aromantic community has taught me that essentially all of what we deem ‘romance’ is socially constructed. The rules, the implications, the things you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to flirt with the person you ‘like’. You’re supposed to get all nervous around them. You’re supposed to only form a relationship with one person or else you’re considered weird and even perverted. Flirting seems like a ritual, nervousness seems like a prison - why can we not do away with the expectations and simply do what feels comfortable to us individually? I have learned about the term relationship anarchy, which means doing away with and rebelling against all of these expectations. The expectation of monogamy, of ritualistic performances, of a certain type of romance, of what actions are deemed romantic or sexual, of having to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship, etc. I find that relationship anarchy is a very appealing concept. People should have whatever relationships or lack thereof that they wish. Queerplatonic relationships should be normalized. Loveless aromanticism should be understood and not demonized. Polyamorous people should not be alienated. In short, these societal expectations that we’ve established have no purpose beyond defining what a “real relationship” is, and by ensuring that romantically loving one other person is what “makes us human” and deems us “normal” in society. Platonic and familial love should not be put below romantic love, yet we’ve created a hierarchy. Me platonically loving my true friends should not be “less than” me romantically loving my boyfriend. And people who just don’t want any sort of relationships or attachments to other people should be respected, because they are not negatively affecting anyone in any way. Except by hurting the feelings of bigots, and I’d pay anyone to do that any day if I had the money. 

Though I love my friends and my boyfriend in different ways, I realize that I have extremely similar criteria for a friend versus a partner. Beyond my general confusion regarding romance as a concept, this is another thing that has led me to believe I am arospec. It’s always been very difficult for me to imagine romantically loving someone who I couldn’t consider a friend - how, then, would my relationship even work? One thing about society’s ideas of romance that I do resonate with is the fact that your partner should be your best friend. [For me personally. I’m not just making a general claim.]  It’s hard to see myself dating someone who I hadn’t known before, who I hadn’t befriended, who I hadn’t considered a best friend because we knew each other and had come to form an actual bond. I would be happy spending my life with someone who I considered both a best friend and a romantic partner. I don’t think this is something that is of absolute necessity to me - I could see myself without a romantic partner, which is another major reason I’m beginning to consider myself arospec [maybe greyromantic or demiromantic.] And of course, I have conflated romantic and platonic attraction in the past; upon reflection, I think I’ve only experienced genuine romantic attraction once, which of course also prompts me towards arospec. 

Many resources - tumblr accounts dedicated to aspec experiences and questions, online stories, even just bare definitions of terms I didn’t know - have been extremely helpful in not only my understanding of myself, but also of the variety of experiences that lie with others. There is a beautiful array of diversity out there in the ways people think and feel, and it feels as if I have discovered a gold mine. [Hehe - do we place value on gold in the same way we place value on romance?] Simply learning about the multitudes of people out there with so many different experiences has been wonderful.

Upon reflection, I’ve also begun to wonder if I am acespec. Society is at it again - placing inherent value in certain concepts, associating expectations between categories. Specifically, the categories of romance and sexual attraction. In most movies with romantic subplots - which is a shit ton - sex seems to always be attached to the development of a romantic relationship. Here’s the thing - most people don’t think about the Split Attraction Model (SAM), which separates romantic and sexual attraction. It’s either you’re attracted to someone, or you aren’t. But for those who do use the SAM for whatever reason, romantic and sexual attraction are separate terms [though they can of course be intertwined.] I find it strange that romance sort of necessarily leads to sex - why? You don’t need sex to have a healthy relationship - but of course, many people want it and so it happens. And because sexual attraction is often tied to peoples’ romantic partners, sex is just associated with romance. [And also apparently sexual attraction can happen towards random people, which I didn’t know lmao.] The SAM is useful for many [not necessarily all] aspecs, as it creates this differentiation between wanting to date someone and wanting to, well, do the do with them. Through investigating common terms used by aspec people, I also find the terms aesthetic and sensual attraction useful, because I believe I have conflated aesthetic and sensual attraction with sexual attraction. [Also, in the past, for some reason I didn’t really know that sexual orientation referred to people that you literally wanted to have sex with. I thought it was just the people that you ‘liked’.] These specific terms have been quite useful to me personally, as I’ve realized that I really can tell the difference between the types of attraction that I experience. The issue is, I’m just not sure about my sexual attraction - have I actually experienced it, and if so, in what ways? It does get frustrating to question so much, but it’s an interesting exploration all the same. 

Am I actually acespec? Maybe not. But even if I’m not, I’ve still learned a lot about acespec people, and again it’s wonderful to read about how many different experiences exist in this world. Looking back on my past has been interesting. Thinking about my present and my future is intriguing. Wondering what I am and where I’ll go is a mixed bag of emotions, but it’s here and I’m stuck with it. I think I’m probably arospec, and that discovery is honestly relieving. It feels like a weight lifted. It clicks into place. I’m just going to keep living and figuring out what the hell my sexual orientation is, and I’ll vibe with it, I guess. The general, whole, main point is: learning about these communities is an enlightening experience, and it has perhaps reshaped part of my view of society. And also, I write too much. 

If you read this whole thing, I commend you for making it through my massive overshare. I hope you gained something from it, whether that be entertainment or knowledge or simple resonance with an idea. 

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi JWB, analysis-demanding anon again! So my question is, given the kind of characters that Arnav and Khushi were, do you think they ( esp Khushi) would have carried on with their pseudo-commitment to their respective partnes if there was not an intervention by fate? What are the odds that one of them would have admitted farak padta hai? Thanks

Hello analysis-demanding anon! 

Brilliant question, as always. 

There are two halves to your question. 

do you think they ( esp Khushi) would have carried on with their pseudo-commitment to their respective partners if there was not an intervention by fate?

No, they would have broken up with their respective partners irrespective of fate.

What are the odds that one of them would have admitted farak padta hai?

The odds of either of them admitting farak padta hai are very low.

TL, DR: Arnav would’ve broken up regardless. Khushi needed an external factor to break up with Shyam. Yes the breakups would've happened though (credit: @ridzmystique)

Analysis time:

You see, one of my favorite things about Arnav and Khushi’s break ups with their respective partners is that it has nothing to do with the person they’re attracted/in love with nor did fate play a big role.

But yes, the two factors did hasten the process of the eventual breakup.

(long answer so rest is under cut)

Arnav

Arnav always had a problem with giving Lavanya a half hearted commitment. He was always at unease and when he realized that he was dooming Lavanya in a terrible marriage, it was a wake up call and he found his guts and sense to immediately call it quits. Arnav always did want to break up with Lavanya ever since he realized his interests lied elsewhere. 

Fate didn’t play any role here, he took matters in his own hands. I firmly believe he was going to break up with Lavanya before marriage irrespective of anything because she did not deserve a loveless marriage. 

Khushi

With Khushi fate played a role, as we know. But I did think Khushi was going to break up with Shyam at the first chance she got. She was never comfortable with the engagement, was literally forced by Bua ji and slowly, but steadily she started detesting Shyam.

He was no longer an honest friend. Khushi had seen that Shyam hadn’t been as supportive to her and might’ve used the opportunity her family proposed to his personal interests. It isn’t said loudly but Khushi did feel betrayed that Shyam did nothing further to refuse being married to Khushi even though she requested that of him.

Again, we don’t see this much but Khushi became aware that Shyam’s sweet talks were hollow and that he slowly but steadily did twist things to hasten the marriage by putting all the blame on Buaji.

And you can see that by her being genuinely irritated by Shyam when he tried to get close to her or not even being happy when he did things for her/her family. Which is very un-Khushi like. She was not comfortable when Shyam bought the wheelchair because she got an intuitive sense. Also, she openly snapped (politely) at Shyam when he tried controlling her.

So Khushi needed one excuse to break off things. 

Payal was getting upset, Garima was disturbed and even Anjali was worried that Khushi had been forced into getting engaged (ofc, even Arnav saw that but he was lost being heartbroken). I believe if fate had not intervened, one of these women - who mean a lot in Khushi’s life - would've stepped in to help her. 

I don’t think she would've done it herself, but I’m pretty sure she was close to breaking up with Shyam herself. It was churning in her mind, she just didn’t know how to get about it. She needed help, someone to tell her its ok to break up.

I have a HUGE inkling that Payal would've played a part here. We see Payal thinking that Khushi was not ready for a relationship to Khushi not being comfortable around Shyam and that bothered her a lot. 

She kept on giving hints to Khushi “that do what you want to do. I was, am and will always be with you.”

Fate gave Khushi a reason to break up.

Otherwise I see Payal putting her foot down, leading to massive emotional chaos at the Gupta House - Bua ji disowning Khushi, calling on her dead parents and so on, but I see Payal using her power in the family dynamics to cancel Khushi’s engagement (I see Payal using her own proposal from the Raizada's to break Khushi’s engagement, like she won’t get married to Akash if Khushi is forced into marrying Shyam). 

Remember Payal from the Guest House incident? I see her coming back in full glory. 

Payal is stubborn, decisive, can take tough decisions and her word is final. We usually she her as submissive because she is adhering to the role of a daughter/daughter in law but when it comes to Khushi’s life alone - Payal can murder people and not flinch. Very Arnav like. 

Khushi would hurt and it might cause a long damage in her and Bua ji’s relationship but Khushi believes a lot in love and would take that step when supported.

Admitting Farak?

Very low. Both Arnav and Khushi are extremely vulnerable post their break ups. Even if things went like above, I can’t see Khushi admitting farak because she’s very raw and needs reassurance and love - not tumultuous emotions. She won’t have the heart to bare her soul to a man who might step over it. She loves him, there’s no denying that, but there’s no way she’s giving that power to Arnav when she’s extremely hurt.

Arnav might feel more confident admitting his farak once he knows Khushi is single - but given how he led Lavanya, much like in the show, he’ll avoid talking about any faraks. His heart will break for Khushi and he’ll be more focused in just being with himself than admitting anything.

It’s neither the right place nor time. Neither are ready for a relationship or even emotions.

If Arnav got a wind that Khushi was being forced into this marriage by her family (through Anjali) then he would bring hell down and support her regardless of any faraks. 

I see Arnav admitting his farak to her if provoked though. I see Khushi questioning why it matters if she’s fine or not. And once Arnav admits it, either Khushi is stunned (as she is) or breaks down and admits it too - in this situation there wouldn’t be much smiles, mostly tears, sudden emotions, sudden hugs and then an awkward silence. 

His farak would give her grounds to call off her own engagement.

But neither would immediately get into a relationship with the other. Probably Khushi would find more strength in dealing with her family and Arnav would be calm knowing they farak each other.  

Uff, I’m getting ff ideas now. What you do analysis-demanding anon!!!

Love, 

- JWB

[shinsorokiri]

UA Idol | Chapter Fourteen

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 2,516

Warnings: Language, dense Shinsou and (Y/n) (the usual)

A/N: I literally love the idea of Shinsou as a singer I can’t even right now. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it was fun to write! I also am sorry I got it out like ten minutes late, I have a lot of homework and had to write a whole outline for something as well as this, so it took a teeny bit longer to find the time to upload. I hope you like it, nonetheless, and hopefully I get a moment to breathe soon so I can write all those requests I have! (All the songs I used are listed at the bottom of the post!)

For the duet, the words only italicized are sung by (Y/n), the word only bold are sung by Shinsou, and the words both bolded and italicized are sung by both of them!

───────────────────────────────────

The alarm brought you out of a great dream. But it wasn’t too bad, because the main character of the amazing dream you just got ripped out of was quite literally right in front of you. Well, more like you were literally snuggled into him. And he had you as close as possible. Huh. Maybe this wasn’t too bad. You reluctantly start to wiggle your way out of his arms, before they pull you back into him. “Where do you think you’re going?” you hear his raspy, tired voice say to you, and you can hear the small smirk on his lips. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. His voice. His sleepy confidence. What the hell. How are you supposed to just lay there and not feel things? Luckily, before you even have the chance to respond, there’s some heavy knocking on the door to your little practice room. You hear a soft groan come from Shinsou, which causes you to giggle. You don’t see it because of the dark, but he smiles to himself. He likes making you laugh.

He stands up, allowing the blanket to stay draped over you. You don’t feel all that warm without him next to you, though. He opens the door, immediately squinting and grunting at the bright light that hits his eyes. “Woah, did you two actually get some sleep and not stay up for two more hours practicing the already perfect song I’m sure you have prepared?” Denki says, shock genuine in his voice. “Yes. Did you bring us clothes?” Shinsou asks, rubbing his eyes to try and begin to adjust to the light. “Uh, yeah. Obviously. You two are going to look so good together, Denki and I low-key coordinated your outfits so they look good together but not like they’re matching, oh and by the way, the list of who all is going was put up. It looks like you two, me and Denki, and Kirishima and Bakugo are in the same group,” Mina says, she’s obviously very excited about that.

“Yeah! They did this thing where they have three duets going and then they make the decision to keep or let go of some of them or all of them or none of them or whatever, so that’s fun!” Denki gives a thumbs up, and you stand up, wrapping the blanket around you. “Okay, so when are we going?”

“Oh, uh, yeah about that. We’re going at three. We’re the first group. And you guys are the first to go out of literally everyone. Fun…?!” Mina says, and you and Shinsou both immediately snap out of your drowsy states. You both snatch the clothes, running to your respective bathrooms and changing as fast as possible. Yeah, it was only noon, and you still had sound check, so you had time to prepare but this is some serious shit. You need to be more than 100% if you expect to go further in this competition than this week. Lucky for you, Mina perfectly encapsulated the look of “Falling Cardigan,” so you were actually very pleased with her outfit selection. You walk out of the bathroom, ready to thank her when you see Shinsou. He, too, had on something that worked for the song. How did Denki and Mina do that? You and Shinsou literally told them nothing other than we picked more than one song to sing. Anyways, the wonder was pushed to the back of your mind because the man standing in front of you? Attractive. So, so attractive. So very attractive. In fact, he kind of resembled Harry Styles right now. If Harry had even wilder hair that was indigo and he was constantly tired and Japanese. Point is, he looked good.

“Wow! Look at you two! I think Denki and I did a damn good job,” Mina says, and Denki smirks. “You look like a power couple,” he says and Shinsou punches his arm. “Can you stop saying shit like that?” Shinsou says, avoiding your eyes. “Yeah, people are gonna start thinking we’re actually a couple. When we aren’t,” you say, frowning and looking away from Denki and Shinsou. “You guys do that yourselves, plenty of people already believe y’all are dating, we don’t have to do that for you,” Denki says, smirking at the two of you. Before Shinsou can hit him again, one of the producers runs up to you two and tells you that it’s time to do your soundcheck. You both head onto the stage, and talk to the stage managers, telling them exactly what you want for the performance. They fulfill your wishes and before you know it there are two pianos onstage, set up so you and Shinsou can be back to back. You sit down at one of them, with Shinsou following suit at the other piano. For soundcheck, all the two of you really need to do is play a bit of your soon to be performance and make sure that the piano’s volume and the microphone’s volume with your voices is balanced and everything technical wise can go smoothly. You two begin playing and singing, and the technicians begin working out all the kinks in the sound. And any time you need to stop and let them adjust something else, you both do it no questions asked. The soundcheck for the two of you goes very fast considering how cooperative you are with the technicians, which by the way they really appreciate because normally, the singers just kind of brush them off, but you two are being very professional. And it’s a nice change of pace from the usual type of people they get on this show. Regardless, soundcheck goes very well. Of course, there were a few hiccups on yours and Shinsou’s parts considering you hadn’t rehearsed for a few hours, but all in all it went very well, and the two of you were very excited to perform what you’d created.

The next couple of hours went by very fast, the two of you rehearsing and practicing a few more times before feeling extremely confident, and then being interviewed by the camera crew. “So how does it feel knowing you are the ones who are setting off the duet challenge?” PM asks, and you give a nervous laugh. “Well, I mean it’s exciting, but also nerve-wracking because it’s the first time anyone is ever doing the duet challenge, so yeah it’s intense,” you say, and Shinsou nods. “Of course, we’re going to do our best and hopefully impress the judges enough to get through to the next challenge,” he adds. “I bet the two of you will set the bar high, and don’t worry about the nerves. Having nerves are good because that means you actually care about what you’re doing, so if anything, saying that shows that the two of you are willing to fight to make it to the next round,” PM says, and you grin. You’d never thought of it like that before, but yeah, it makes sense. Why would you get nervous for something that you didn’t care about? Obviously, this was important to you.

After being interviewed, you and Shinsou decided to sit down for a while and relax before performing. He could tell you were nervous, so without thinking, he pulled you into a hug. You calm him down by physically touching him in some way, so he hopes that the same will work for you. I mean, he’s right. Maybe it’s not necessarily his touch, but it’s certainly something about him that just eases your mind. And yes, you’re very thankful. You just want to do well so you can showcase him and not drag him down. If anyone deserves to go through to live shows, it’s Hitoshi Shinsou. “Calm down, kitten, everything is gonna be fine,” he says as you pull away from his embrace. The gentle smile he has on his face tied with the stupid nickname he’s given you tugs at your heart, and you give him a small grin and nod. Damn. Okay, so maybe you liked him? Maybe he’s attractive? That’s not a bad thing, it’s not like its love. Love is the bad thing. Like? Completely different. And acceptable. When you like someone, your feelings for them can go away entirely. That’s not love. And that’s fine. Because love never does anything good for you. It’s a painful chase with painful results, and you’re fine in the romantically loveless life you are living. You didn’t even want to think of this man hurting you. Or of you hurting this man. You’d honestly rather die and love inevitably ends in someone getting hurt. At least your experiences with it have.

“(Y/n)? You’re kind of zoning out, are you okay?” he asks, genuine concern in his voice. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good just… nervous,” you say. And you’re telling the truth. Not only are you nervous for the performance, you’re also nervous for your blossoming feelings for him. Hopefully, they just stay in the “I like you” range and not the “I love you” range. You can do that. You can make them stay there. “Well, if you need anything, just squeeze my hand, and I’ll do what I can to help. I’m nervous too, like PM said, it’s natural for us to be nervous, but if it gets to be too much just let me know. Because I’m here for you.” Fuck, you can stay in the I like you range, just pretend he didn’t say that because that was adorable. “Thanks, Shinsou,” you say, and he gives you a smile before starting to talk about something to distract you from your nerves. What a good fuckin guy.

Before you know it, it’s time for the two of you to perform. He squeezes your hand befor you walk out onstage together, sitting at the pianos that have been arranged for the two of you. In this round, the judges are unable to talk to you or give any feedback, so the two of you just jump right in. You feel him nudge his shoulder with yours, as you’re back to back, and you feel instantly comforted. You then begin singing.

“You’d come back to me,

And you’d come back to me

And you’d come back to me

And you’d come back…

Vintage tee, brand new phone,

High heels on cobblestones;

When you are young, they assume you know nothing…

Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back

I can't unpack the baggage you left

But I knew you,

Dancin' in your Levi's

Drunk under a streetlight

I, I knew you

Hand under my sweatshirt,

Baby, kiss it better, right?

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

A friend to all is a friend to none

Chase two girls, lose the one

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

And the coffee's out

At the Beachwood Café

And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say

But I knew you

Playin' hide-and-seek and

Givin' me your weekends

I, I knew you

Your heartbeat on the High Line

Once in twenty lifetimes, I

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again

Was all we needed

You drew stars around my scars

But now I'm bleedin'

'Cause I knew you

Steppin' on the last train

Marked me like a bloodstain

I, I knew you

Tried to change the ending

Peter losing Wendy, I

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

'Cause I knew everything when I was young

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

Chasing shadows in the grocery line

I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired

And you'd be standin' in my front porch light

And I knew you'd come back to me

You'd come back to me

And you'd come back to me

And you'd come back

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite.”

Immediately after you ended, everyone started clapping and cheering. Of course, you heard Denki and Mina screaming from backstage, and it caused you both to smile as you got up, walking over to where they were. “You two are actually crazy for even attempting that,” Denki says, and Shinsou shrugs. “What artist is entirely sane?”

“Touché,” Denki says, giving him a finger gun before he and Mina walk out together onstage. “You did really, really good,” you say to him and he grins. “You did better. I thought you were actually about to start crying, not gonna lie.”

“No way, I thought you were actually gonna start crying!” He chuckles, shaking his head at you while you smile at him. “Guess that means we killed it?” he suggests, and you grin. “I guess so,” you say, and he smiles at you. “I didn’t know those two song would sound so good together! That’s crazy, how did you guys figure that out?!” Kirishima whisper screams to the two of you and Shinsou shrugs. “I was playing the piano for Falling and (Y/n), being the genius that she is, started singing Cardigan. It just kind of… flowed after that.”

“Yeah, well I can’t even pretend it wasn’t fucking good and cool. Good job, losers,” Bakugo says, his arms crossed while Kirishima is beaming at the two of you. How… was their relationship even real? You were pulled out of your disbelief when you heard Denki and Mina start, and whew, the mood went from wow I’m sad to wow I’m horny in .5 seconds flat. They did extremely well, as expected, and then Bakugo and Kirishima go, and their voices are just heavenly together. Not to mention how cute it was that they sang Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Altogether, your song tones went from heartbreak, to horny, to pure love, and that is just… hilarious. The six of you were then instructed to go onstage while the judges made their decision. It took… barely any time for them to speak to each other before they all turned to you. “This may be the easiest decision we will make today. All six of you did an amazing job. And Shinsou and (Y/n), we’ve never seen anyone do what you did in this entire competition. Ever. So good job there by making yourselves stand out while also performing a song that’s already come out,” Keigo says, and Midnight grins. “All six of you are going onto the next round.”

───────────────────────────────────

Song list:

(Y/n) & Shinsou | Falling Cardigan - Harry Styles & Taylor Swift (CosmicMashups on YouTube)

Mina & Denki | break up with you’re girlfriend, i’m bored - Ariana Grande

Kirishima & Bakugo | Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

[honeyymistt]

hey honeyy! i just wanted to rant for a hot minute simply bc idk how to handle this situation; i'm 20, and will move out soon to go to uni (in october, presumably) and my parents will pay for rent and food, which is v nice of them. but despite their reassurances that they'll pay for it, they are so passive aggressive, especially my mom. she just straight up told me today that "enough is enough" and basically said i need to move out asap bc i'm such a burden on them financially + i'm so spoiled and dumb and don't know how to real world works and she does (which ugh,, not to brag but they're loaded and i feel so heartbroken bc as a child they would spoil us rotten), but now she just wants to kick me out. i know at 20, i'm long overdue for moving out — and i will, soon, in like 2 months — yet my mom acts as if she couldn't wait for me to leave (which, okay, fair. same tbh) but idk what she wants me to do about it rn?? like i'm looking for jobs & am in the process of applying to different jobs, but that's somehow a time consuming process. it's just v stressful bc i feel betrayed, bc they always told me i should focus on school instead of getting a job, and it's my fault for not thinking for myself, but now i have no money saved up and i'll probably work a minimum wage job for the rest of the year every month (and the next years, like my whole uni time which is a-okay, it just stresses me out a bit). i think you're younger than me, so maybe this is very out of line for me to complain to you about?? feel free to just delete this ask, but i wanted to ask if you have any advice on how to deal with "loveless" parents and a dysfunctional family, where respect is requested but you as 'their child' are not brought the same respect bc you're 20 and still living at home. it's sooo funny bc i'm so gullible; my mom used to tell me the exact opposite for years — ‘no, it's fine that you're still living at home with 19’ and now she holds it against me bc she moved out at 17. my dad is also v mentally unstable, he has anger issues and never sees that he behaved wrongly, basically gaslighting me into believing it's all my fault for everything's that happening to me when something goes wrong. idk how to deal w/ this, everyone in this household is toxic and i feel trapped, despite my plans to hustle on the side and earn my own money. i'm stupid for feeling betrayed, but that's how it feels like. i think my mom stopped loving me a long time ago, like until i was 11 she loved me, but then i grew up and developed my own opinions, character etc. i just hate her so much. same with my dad. i hate relying on them for rent though and idk what to do (😭ik, this is a very, very privileged standpoint but idk how to handle all this hate; it's been getting worse these past weeks) — sorry for the lang rant!! 😭✋ hope your life is going great, though <3 -💌

hiii 💌-anon!!! im happy to hear from you :) i’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time 🥺 i'm sending you a virtual hug. i hope it cheers you up! <3

it makes me sad to read that you think that you're long overdue for moving out because you really aren't!! where i live, a lot of people are living at home until they graduate from university (possibly because it is very expensive to live where i live and no 20 year old is able to afford it🥴) but anyways, i actually don't think you're long overdue for moving out. i know that there a bunch of YouTube videos titled "MOVING INTO MY DREAM APARTMENT AT 19!" and yes, it's such a milestone but it's also so unrealistic. YouTube and being an "influencer" in general, pays really really well. not a lot of people are able to do what is "normal" to them. you are right on track! don't worry :)

reading about your parents really made me upset because you don't deserve to be talked to like that at all. a good parent takes care of their kid because they love them. they don't guilt trip them and tell them that they are a financial burden or that they're excited for them to move out. like your mom offers to pay for your rent and food but then tells you that you're a financial burden ?? like ma'am, where is the logic in that 😐 i'm sorry that she makes you feel unloved,, you don't deserve that at all :( i hate that you feel like once you developed your own opinions and character, she started to dislike you. that's what makes you wonderful!! you're a beautiful person, inside and out. don't let her opinions and actions tell you otherwise.

as for not knowing how the real world works, literally same. to be completely honest, i'm probably worse than you 😭 . i think i wrote this in one of my posts about my insecurities but basically i wrote that i don't know anything beyond school. i feel like i've been working so hard on being the "perfect student" that i'm so book smart but when it comes to very basic life skills, i feel like i'm lacking. i feel like i'm unprepared. whenever i tell this to my mom, she tells me that it's okay and that it's her job to take care of me and provide for me. one time she said "you have a whole life ahead of you to learn about taxes and cleaning and bills and finances and cooking. just enjoy the time right now. enjoy your life where it is. you're going to learn all of these skills eventually. the best way to learn them is just to experience life and make mistakes." so listen to my mom and try not to worry!! no one is born knowing how the real world works. you're going to be okay!

i think when it comes to dealing with loveless parents, you make up for it through your other relationships. one of my friends doesn't have the best relationship with her parents and whenever i ask her about it she says, "it's sad that i don't have the love that most people get from their parents but i get so much love from you, my other friends, my boyfriend, my cousins, etc. i know that there are people who care for me. these people are my family." maybe you and your family just need time apart. maybe your absence will make them realize that they didn't really treat you all that well. or maybe you'll realize that you deserve a lot better and that you don't want to be in contact with people who make you feel badly about yourself. time apart will give you time to come to terms with what you need! 🤍 if i were you, i'd get really excited for moving out in october because you're going to be removing yourself from this environment. you won't have to deal with feeling like a burden or dealing with your parents being cold towards you. you're moving out!! this is exciting!!! i'm excited for you!! everything will align and fall perfectly into place, i just know it.

i'll be by your side every step of the way - packing, moving out, moving in, unpacking, and we'll experience the harsh reality of the real world together :) i'm right by your side 🥺🌟🍯🤍

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 6: Rocky

I have learned that the six Rocky movies (so all of the Rocky ones but not the Creed movies) are available on HBO Max. I was looking for a new watch-and-take-notes-and-post-the-notes project, so yo. Check it.

I've seen all six of these movies. I saw most of this one in the theater, like, back then! I was terribly terribly young! Maybe 7. I remember my friend Greg really wanted to see it, but our parents wouldn't let us. So we had them drop us off to see Capricorn One, but Greg made us sneak in to watch Rocky instead. He was so excited about it he wanted to play-punch afterward, but it hurt and I didn't like play-punch. I also didn't care about the movie. You know what movie is decent, though? Capricorn One. Although the supporting performance from O.J. Simpson might throw ya.

Anyway, since its release the reputation of this movie has remained very strong. It won Best Picture in an extremely competitive year. It is very much the Rocky Balboa of that year's awards contenders! But I'm pretty sure I'm going to be watching this first movie and admiring its scrappiness, then watching the subsequent ones and rolling my eyes at their formulaic-ness.

The opening fanfare sets the atmosphere really awesomely actually.

Oh also I don't care at all for boxing. And yet it seems like the idea of it is good drama fodder, I mean the idea of a sport of just two people punching each other until one of them is the winner at that.

So the first scene is a boxing match in a little church somewhere. Some people are in attendance who apparently like to pass the time watching punching. Rocky is bloody and hangdog. After the fight, which Rocky won, both fighters convalesce next to each other in a back room, kind of indifferently. But we have learned that punch-sport is a part of Christian life.

Rocky walks home through the gritty streets, past his friends who sing rudimentary a capella music on a street corner. They should work on the complexity of their harmonies.

Rocky is home and his home is gritty also. Atmosphere. He has a tank with animals in it. I cannot tell what the animals are. He talks to them. Personality.

He has a mirror he looks at and the mirror is decorated with pictures of Young Sylvester Stallone. They are totally pictures of him as a boy and young man. But Sylvester Stallone was not in character as Rocky Balboa when he took those pictures. It is a little jarring.

At the pet store the next day we are introduced to Adrian. That is the spelling, I checked. She is very very very shy-acting. The director told her to act shy, and she was like OH I'M GOING TO MEET AND EXCEED THOSE EXPECTATIONS.

Rocky's next stop is The Docks. I am surprised that Philadelphia has a dock area with such large ships, but I guess that's real. But I'm also surprised that he's there on the business of being the muscle for a loan shark. I didn't remember about that side of Rocky's complex, complex personality.

That scene just ended with a very 80s-teen-movie moment; a fellow thug rolled down his window and bullyingly yelled, "so long, meatbag!" We feel so bad that Rocky doesn't have the respect of his coworkers in the loan shark gang.

After getting dressed down by his gangster colleagues, he then goes to his gym and there's this whole thing about how the coach guy is so sick of Rocky's boxing mediocrity that they gave someone else his locker. It seems like that wouldn't happen. On his way out, the other boxer taunts him by saying he's pumped to be in receipt of Rocky's locker which is a very fine locker. We saw it, though. It was just a locker.

Adrian again. Broad caricature of an introverted person. I don't buy it maybe. Then a scene in a bar and the conversation with the bartender is also dumb fakey acting.

He later came upon a bunch of jerks on a corner, but among them was an awkward teenage girl that he knows. He makes her leave with him and tries to give him avuncular advice, but that scene ends with her telling him, "screw you creepo!" The exposition of this movie has a very opaque strategy.

0:30:00 - A scene with Apollo Creed does some more very unnatural exposition, setting up the premise that some local underdog is going to get a chance to fight him. This doesn't seem like an acclaimed movie. This seems like a scene in a cheap romance movie where the Handsome Man confesses to his best friend that what he's really looking for in a woman is someone not so pretty.

AC is flipping through a straight-up book, looking for a good boxer to fight on January 1, 1976, to celebrate the bicentennial. I'm a little "wha?" about some of this. He chooses Rocky Balboa because of his catchy "Italian Stallion" nickname and remember because Columbus was Italian so

Rocky and Adrian go on a date. It's Thanksgiving but that happens anyway. It does not bristle with romantic energy. It reeks of social obligations. It seems like the beginning of the kind of loveless relationship your grandparents began in the 1940s in their dustbowl-decimated agrarian community.

They are back at his little shithole apartment and he is a persistent man and I do not root for this relationship.

Things escalated kind of quickly. Rocky got invited to an agent guy's fancy office and offered a chance to fight for the World Heavyweight Championship. The next scene, everyone knows about it and he's on TV. He seems like a dumb lug. How can he possibly succeed. Good job contrasting his character with the big celebrity, though.

Burges Meredith is oddly appealing as this surly, pirate-talking boxer-coach-manager guy. He comes to Rocky's apartment sucking up, and Rocky isn't receptive, I'm pretty much buying BM's different emotions, and Rocky's.

1:11:24 - Pretty sure my friend and I talked a lot about this scene when we saw it back then, he fills a glass with raw eggs and drinks it up. All one shot, baby.

This scene with Paulie, Adrian's brother who is Rocky's friend, I don't like. Paulie is a bad friend. That scene ends with Rocky beating up pig carcasses. They should have just had that part.

His hands are bloody when he punches the meat things. That's his blood, right? That's not like animal flesh?

We just had a very melodramatic scene with Rocky and Adrian and Pauly, and Pauly just went nuts. This time, at least, Rocky and Adrian react to him the way you'd think people normally would.

1:30:55 - Famous training montage. I think as this movie series progresses these montages get more stylish. As it is, it's going for just a rousing moment of "he seems confident as he trains", as the music pumps you up with the profound lyrics, "trying hard now" and "getting strong now".

They have actually explained almost nothing about the specifics of boxing. I realize that now as Rocky says "no one has ever gone the distance with Creed". Which I think means something about going all 15 rounds, right? But the point is that I haven't had to hear much about stuff like that, and I honestly don't mind that.

1:44:30 - Ew, some actually kind of bad stock footage of the crowd at the fight. Oh, but then a cameo by actual Joe Frazier, probably.

As the fight begins I gotta say I have been effectively made to root for this underdog hero. I've been indifferent to most of the movie so far, and I'm indifferent to boxing, but ferrealz I'm excited to watch this fight.

It's cinematic with lots of angles that you don't see when you're watching actual fights (I assume), but also the actual fight-acting by Stallone and Carl Weathers seems like they're getting it right. That can't be easy, right? I mean, it's punching! Faces!

1:54:11 - Oh shit I remember this ahhhhhh his eye his eye, his EYE is swollen shut and he tells them to cut it open! That, like, what? He's going to go back out and fight with his eyelid literally slashed open WHAT

They weren't even that careful doing that slice

I thought they would be relying more on the commentators as narrators to tell us what to feel, but it's really all the cinematic storytelling that is getting it done.

But the aftermath of the fight is like opera, everyone is passionate and yelling and it doesn't work on me as well as it must for most people. I don't even exactly get what the outcome of the fight is (partly because I don't understand boxing). But that's the point, at least a little bit; in the heat of passion he just wants to tell Adrian that he loves her. That works well for this movie. And the way it just ends in that swirl of excitement, no denouement, it's really effective.

So overall there are lots of things about this movie that I don't care for, but there are some things to appreciate. It's not a fancy movie, but it seems like they did a particularly good job with the final boxing match feeling like exciting movie drama while also seeming like authentic boxing. As if I know anything about authentic boxing.

I don't agree that it should have won Best Picture over Network, All the President's Men, and Taxi Driver.

One last observation: looking back, I'm pretty sure that scene with the teenage girl is a result of the observation that the movie greatly lacks females.

(next: Rocky II)

[mudrocksys]

Being a system host who fits literally every criteria anon just mentioned, hi, I wanna give my two cents. I don't mean to speak over OP's response by any means but I feel that for the benefit of other questioning/covert systems who may feel fakeclaimed by this ask I should go into extensive detail as to why this ask is dumb.

Does anyone else see systems who have the syshost thing on their rentry or carrd and then none of their other alters are ever present?

The assumption here is just because you don't see them, they're not present. Surprise– not everyone on a blog is going to post on it. Some system members only reply to messages, queue posts, or simply don't like using this one specific social media and have a different preference. SOME DON'T EVEN USE SOCIAL MEDIA.

Questioning systems/systems who don't have neatly segmented senses of identity can also struggle to find out who is in the front. In times of stress (for us, that's finals month) systems can be blurry 99% of the time, and can barely tell heads from tails. Some systems default to signing off as host if they can't tell who's in the front. Some systems don't sign off if they can't tell who's in the front.

But whatever, let's assume we have perfect sense of identity. Why would system members not use a system blog? Personally, a good amount of our system members don't share my interest in touhou or cartoons, and some don't have the energy for social media, so they do other stuff like watching youtube or occasionally tag themselves in funny reblogs (sometimes, I'm not sure if it's a consistent thing). Besides, some interests we have aren't... Stuff people post about. Like sure, I'll ask Toyo to post gorey medical journal surgery photos on our sfw blog next time so that he proves to you that he's real.

The only reason I even tell people I'm a system host is because my amnesia, the differences between me and my system members, they ruin friendships without that disclosure. And not to be TMI but I've been cut off by people because of amnesia, because of another member who literally never met them fronting and opting to respond in a "dry" manner– something that was taken as me "showing my true colors". I ask for accommodation, not questioning.

Or ever speak about being a system ever? Like their system is an accessory to them?

Love the assumption of malintent casually slid in here, but you get even more bad faith later on so I'll save it for that.

A system not being overt ≠ accessory. my internal communication with my system members sucks ASS but they're still there, and I still cherish them. We leave one another notes, funny posts, things that remind us of one another, affirmations and check-ins and you are not entitled to see any of that! By your assumption, is every married couple that doesn't do PDAs in a loveless marriage? You're not entitled to these things.

I see it a lot in spaces that are more focused on anime but they're in spaces with a lot more LGBTQ people and just kind of- people who have this weird entitlement because they're mentally ill.

Holy fuck how do I unpack this. First of all, fakeclaimer talking point of "anime spaces" (usually implies/escalates into "systems with too many introjects are roleplayers") and "people who have this weird entitlement because they're mentally ill". Like what does the latter even mean? Entitled to respect? Patience? Forgiveness? It's an extremely weird thing to drop in the middle of your almost-fakeclaiming-people ask especially with how many mental disorders keep being demonized nowadays.

Second of all... Systems can be LGBTQ? Identity is a complex thing? Being a system doesn't make it easier for sure but come on, if even singlets struggle to find a coherent identity, questioning systems and even diagnosed ones aren't going to have an easier time. I don't know how to read your point about LGBTQ spaces, even? Is it;

"They're infiltrating the LGBTQ spaces"

"LGBTQ spaces are a sign of a weird (read; fake) system" or

"LGBTQ spaces have a lot of people who are entitled because they're mentally ill"?

I sincerely don't know what you're trying to say and I don't like any of the answers.

Obviously I'm not going to dictate how people operate their own systems because that's none of my business but it comes off as really weird.

You literally ARE dictating how people operate their own systems by calling any deviation from the norm "weird" and saying it's to be questioned. Plus, what's so weird about systems not talking about themselves? Did you forget about how the internet bastardized "trauma dumping" to mean literally any enforcement of boundaries? The existence of the term TMI? Internet spaces are catered to the person's wants and needs. You go "hm suspicious" when someone with IBS doesn't detail their bowel movements to you?

Anyway if you're a system whose host has 75%+ fronting percentage on the front tracker you're valid. Shit is hard enough for us all without people like anon chiming in to make it worse.

I'm curious if anyone else has noticed this so I'm just gonna ask it here-

Does anyone else see systems who have the syshost thing on their rentry or carrd and then none of their other alters are ever present? Or ever even speak about being a system ever? Like their system is an accessory to them?

I see it a lot in spaces that are more focused on anime but they're in spaces with more LGBTQ people and just kind of- people who have this weird entitlement because they're mentally ill.

Obviously I'm not going to dictate how people operate their own systems because that's none of my business but it comes off as really weird and I'm curious to others' thoughts about it.

i mean, not every space has to be about DID and just because you mention you have DID at some point somewhere doesn’t mean you need to talk about it or that anyone is entitled to any information about how it presents itself in you.

i mention i have DID to some friends or in some servers once or twice but never mention who’s fronting or which alters are which because those friends don’t need to know or they’re not close enough for me to want to say that, or those spaces aren’t about DID and i don’t want to make it one when it doesn’t have to be.

like, plenty of my alters are present all the time but i don’t announce it to every space i’m in. i don’t announce every switch because i don’t need to.

my question is why do you feel the need to know things about other people’s DID just because they mention they have it? what makes you think they haven’t switched or that other alters aren’t present just because they don’t feel like talking about it?

[lovelesswiki]

i've really respected your creative and analytical work with loveless for years (i actually remember reading your house crossover fanfic in like 2011 maybe?) so i've always wanted to know your general take on soubi's character? if you have time and haven't already written about it before, id love to see a general character analysis!

first of all, thank you so much! it’s fantastic to know that you like my analytical work and that i have partially redeemed myself from those weird fanfics i used to write. you know how we all look back on our past fanfics and other creative work and laugh at ourselves? well that’s what it’s like with me except i wrote about a crossover between an american medical drama and a gay catboy manga and i can’t look back on it without crying in shame. 

BUT I DIGRESS. thank you for sticking with me!

NOW. youve asked me about my favorite topic (i’d make a ‘my favorite topic: myself! agatsuma soubi’ joke here but i think i already made that joke in this post and also on deviantart and probably in a couple other places) but holy shit do i love talking about soubi. hes kinda my favorite character analytically. SO, LET’S TALK ABOUT SOUBI (and i apologize if this jumps from one topic to the next bc i have many thoughts on this tall child)

soubi is a very peculiar character because more than any other character in the series, he changes. beginning-series soubi is this incredibly creepy, weird, myseterious guy who constantly says the worst and most creepiest things possible and seems to prey on children and constantly asks about killing children and frustrates the reader to no end with his whole insistence that he can’t say shit about anything. see, the thing is that you’re not supposed to like beginning-series soubi. he’s a fucking predatory asshole who is creepy and weird to no end. however, people fell in love with him because this manga was marketed as a yaoi/BL manga, which made soubi fall into the bishie trope where it is completely acceptable for the ‘dominant’ character to act in a way that is very creepy towards the other characters.

so, this really, really divided people’s opinions on soubi’s character. some people hated soubi or strongly disliked him, which was close to the correct response you’re supposed to have to soubi in the first few volumes. others fell in love with him and the bishie trope and either fell off the series or were confused when soubi’s real characterization came to be. regardless, though, i strongly dislike beginning series soubi, but now that we have an understanding of his character, i know why he acted the way he did.

let me put this into perspective. agatsuma soubi was raised in a violent society. for twelve years he was completely isolated in a small town in the mountains in a school where he was taught how to violently battle other teams. this is literally all he knows. soubi himself says that he does not remember his parents well and he was six when his parents died. developmentally, six is a huge age because it’s when a child actually begins forming long-lasting long-term memories. not a lot of people remember much before they were six years old. i like to believe that this age was chosen for soubi to lose his parents because of this, but with yun i can never be sure. just let me try to believe that this was done on purpose pls. 

so soubi does not remember not being in this world. this is all he knows. on top of all this, there’s ritsu. ill get to ritsu more in a bit because i fucking love talking about the horrible dynamic between these two (and i mean that in the best way possible), but ritsu completely destroyed soubi. he took a child and destroyed him so thoroughly that soubi has no fucking idea how to function without him. ritsu filled soubi’s head with the idea that soubi would lead a subservient life where he’d be nothing more than a tool. he beat soubi constantly and used him as a way to get back at akio. even then, soubi was nothing more than a replacement for something missing. and this was how soubi came to identify. as nothing. as a fighter. as someone who would never lead and who would never have any sort of power, as someone who would lead a life of pain and fear of failing. and soubi accepted this, because he was a child and knew nothing else.

on top of this, there’s soubi’s idea of love. i have no doubt that soubi wanted to believe that ritsu loved him, and the only proof of this he could come up with was physical affection that was given to him, affection that went way too far until it resulted in soubi’s rape. however, soubi doesn’t seem to think of this as ‘wrong’ because of the simple fact that he was never exposed to anything else. you can probably guess where im going with this by now.

now we have beginning series soubi. by the time we first meet him (and we don’t learn this until later), soubi has become incredibly depressed and doesn’t seem to see the point in living anymore. other units are telling him to his face that he should’ve already killed himself, and the thing is–soubi doesn’t actually seem to disagree with this. his entire argument is that he has an order to carry out, but he seems to have wanted to go with seimei. soubi is depressed and on top of this, he no longer has seimei. by this point, soubi is twenty years old and for his entire life, he has never not had someone telling him what to do. for twelve years, he was isolated in the mountains and for the past three, soubi has lived in the real world, but under seimei’s rule, where he was still heavily isolated and controlled. and in the few times he doesn’t have seimei, such as at his university, he fails miserably at interacting in a real, meaningful way with his peers and environment. to put it simple, agatsuma soubi has no fucking idea how to function in life.

we have a guy who’s never functioned without someone heavily controlling him like a puppet and who has been extremely isolated his entire life, someone who is so fucking depressed that according to kio, he hardly functioned for months after seimei’s death, and someone who’s only reason that he didn’t commit suicide was because he had an order from a dead guy to carry out. and that order was to love a twelve year-old boy. 

what’s more is that, as i explained above, soubi has an extremely warped idea of love. he does not associate it with a feeling. he associates it with physical actions. so when seimei tells soubi to go become ritsuka’s fighter and to love him, soubi’s idea of this ‘love him’ thing is a lot different from a normal person’s. soubi still seems to hold onto this idea of physical affection=love even in the later volumes, but he’s definitely less insistent with the inappropriate touching and actions than he was before. 

but this doesn’t fully explain his annoying behavior in the first few volumes. he was irritating, constantly speaking in riddles and withholding information and teasing and just generally being terrible. and i think one point of information is very important in examining this behavior–that soubi got worse after ritsuka repeatedly told him that he wouldn’t punish him.

basically, soubi’s behavior is like a toddler acting out when they’re told they can’t have something. except, it’s a little different. it’s not that soubi wanted it, persay, it’s that punishment is all he knows and that it’s a main mean of controlling him. this is when, i think, it dawned on soubi that ritsuka and seimei are different people. even from the first fucking chapter, soubi looks more than a little confused when ritsuka grabs his hand and asks him to take pictures with him. to him, this is absolutely not the way people (his masters) are supposed to act around him. the look on soubi’s face when ritsuka starts talking to him so casually is actually kind of hilarious.

‘this is absolutely not what i rehearsed’ 

to put it simply, the first few volumes of loveless are actually soubi falling apart and trying to figure out what the hell to do. he’s in an entirely new situation with himself–he’s making decisions for the first time in his life. he’s suddenly faced with the realization that he’s a goddamn adult and an adult in the relationship he’s trying to peruse. he’s older than the kid he’s fighting for and this kid is an actual kid. he’s not like seimei. i’d say that the first three volumes of loveless are soubi trying to make ritsuka into seimei or force him to act like him, because in his mind, there must be some seimei in there somewhere. 

the turning point, i’d say, for soubi, is somewhere in volume 3. i usually tell people that loveless doesn’t get good until volume 4 or 5, but soubi’s turning point where he realizes that ritsuka is ritsuka is actually somewhere in volume 3. i’d actually wager to say that it might be this scene:

for anyone who doesn’t remember a whole lot of volume 3, there’s a lot of remembering of seimei on both soubi and ritsuka’s parts. this is the volume where we get soubi fully remembering the day seimei told him to go to ritsuka if and when he died. soubi seems to spend a lot of this volume thinking about his past, since it’s also the first appearance of the zeroes and thus, the first appearance of soubi’s past with ritsu, which he also flashes back to in the beginning of the volume. this particular scene with the panel that i posted above is after ritsuka finally deciphers the message he’s been given and enters the wisdom resurrection game. when he does, soubi sort of freaks out and goes over to ritsuka’s house to find him asleep on the desk. the panel above is his immediate reaction and one of the first times we actually get to see soubi’s thoughts. 

when i was young, i like many others interpreted this scene as sexual, but looking at it now, it gives off a completely different feeling of soubi finally coming to the realization that ritsuka is an innocent child and cannot be and will never be seimei. and for a while, it does seem to bother soubi a little, to the point that he actually allows himself to be defeated by the zero girls soon after this scene. after this scene, there’s not a whole lot of creepiness on soubi’s part, though it does take a bit of time to taper off. 

then we get volume 5 soubi, which is where soubi becomes likable. this is where you are intended, writing-wise, to begin actually liking him. prior to this, he’s creepy, but during volume five and onwards, he becomes… human. and this is because this is when soubi actually begins to develop an identity. he starts showing a personality. he becomes an actual person because at this point, soubi has begun to accept that ritsuka isn’t and will never be seimei and he begins to think that maybe–he might be free of seimei. and maybe with ritsuka, even though things are still confusing and weird, it might be okay to develop some sense of a personality. things take their natural course, and soubi does, and he becomes likable to the reader not just because we’re finding out more about him and we’re getting into his head, thoughts, and motivations, but because this version of soubi is actually written as very likable because he’s developing a personality and is not being a meaningless creep anymore whose only personality is being a creep. this is the part of the story that soubi moves into a primary protagonist spot, whereas earlier, he was working against ritsuka, who was our primary protagonist. it’s here that you, as a reader, start to want things for soubi, and it’s because he becomes a ‘good guy’ protagonist.

god, there’s so much i want to talk about in this post. let me move on a little to soubi’s past, which i talked about a bit earlier. i think i may have said this in another post, but i think the primary reason that soubi doesn’t talk about his past with ritsuka isn’t because he was told not to by seimei, because we never actually see seimei telling soubi not to say those things. soubi’s only stipulation from seimei is not to talk about septimal moon or explain anything pertaining to them. however, ritsuka does find out about septimal moon and essentially, the cat is out of the bag after that and ritsuka makes the discovery of ritsu, and actually meets him in soubi’s presence during the WR game. i like this scene a lot because soubi instantly becomes extremely cold and goes against ritsuka’s orders by typing a fucking passive aggressive insult to ritsu by masquerading as ritsuka and that is very funny to me because it’s the most stupidly nefarious thing that we see soubi do in the manga at his own volition. the best part is that soubi was fully willing to keep going if he didn’t get his fucking yelled at when ritsuka immediately found out. 

anyways, soubi completely shuts up or changes the subject at pretty much any time ritsuka or someone else brings up his past with seimei or god forbid even the subject of ritsu. during the scene i talked about in the previous paragraph, soubi goes quiet and stiff when ritsu shows up, natsuo notices and is like “oh, your arm [hand] must still be hurting, so you can’t type, that’s why” and soubi’s fine to just let him think that and doesn’t correct him or anything

he constantly changes the subject when his past comes up and goes so far as to lie to ritsuka about how he lost his ears in an extra (special edition 3, i believe, there’s a link to it on the loveless drive i made). soubi hates talking about his past to the point where i am really getting the feeling that he isn’t doing it for ritsuka’s sake. let me start with this–seimei was weird. seimei knew everything without soubi even telling him. i have no doubt at all that seimei used his past with ritsu against soubi, even to passively taunt him. when soubi got to ritsuka and realized that he didn’t know anything about soubi’s past, it must have been… pretty freeing. because if a person doesn’t know, then they can’t judge you or use it against you, and soubi more likely than not thinks that it’s more painful to talk about it than it is to keep it bottled up, which is completely untrue. soubi doesn’t talk about it in an effort to protect himself from emotional pain.

and that’s the thing–soubi’s character is partially built around the concept of pain. soubi is shown to have a huge tolerance for pain, to the point where it’s just a part of his daily life. this is physical pain, though. i wholly believe that soubi’s entire character can be viewed as an argument to that ‘sticks and stones can hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me’ rhyme, because soubi absolutely cannot take emotional pain at all, and he’s put through an enormous amount of it over and over again. the physical pain was a way for him to shut out emotions, and the ownership over him was a way for him to not have to make decisions about anything, including what to feel. but now that he’s lost both of those, there’s only the emotional pain, and a lot of it. 

anyways, i’m gonna stop there for now and save some analysis for other posts i want to do, but let me know if theres anything in specific you want to know my thoughts or further thoughts on!

[crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer]

@amateurcatalyst​ asked: it's very interesting how they focus on Goura while En talks about chikuwabu; could he be the chikuwabu of their own group?

My original response to that Ask was here, but then...

@angry-jewish-magical-girl​ said: you know why i think the camera panned to goura when en mentioned chikuwabu? Because gora was initially supposed to be a background character who didn’t actually contribute anything to the story, and en was talking about how chikuwabu is pointless and had no reason for existing. The show was lowkey saying gora was a pointless character. I mean ok he’s not actually pointless, he’s yumoto’s guardian. but that early in the show’s development, as far as the writers may have known, gora wasn’t actually there to contribute anything to the plot other than be yumoto’s guardian

THIS WAS IT! THIS WAS THE EXTRA PIECE OF INFORMATION I NEEDED TO COMPLETE THE ODEN METAPHOR!!!!

I had completely forgotten about this interview (thank you so much to @intra-fiducia​ for the translations and @elucida​ for digging this up for me!!!) where Takamatsu explained Goura's development in season 1, but now that I have this information I can elaborate on a thought I had started to touch on in my oden post about the chikuwabu and what it represents.

So, prepare yourselves for another spam of screenshots below the cut as we voyage into Oden Part 2: Return of the Chikuwabu!

~.~

First, some things I would like to point out from the interview that explain certain relevant moments...

That’s pretty sketchy *laughs*. Then, why is the first monster chikuwabu? Whose idea was that? Takamatsu: To be honest, while we were sitting at a drinking party, we started talking about how you could only find chikuwabu in Tokyo, and how people from other regions didn’t even know it existed, and the impression of that conversation stayed with me…I suppose that was it? Yokote: Right, right. Then we decided ‘let’s use this conversation as is’. But we learnt that a surprising number of people liked chikuwabu, so I was…a little worried about messing with the chikuwabu. Miyawaki: It’s okay! Zaou likes chikuwabu, so we’re covering for the chikuwabu thing *laughs*.

Ryuu's tone and the way he looked at the others with that cheesy smile seemed more comedic like "Well, I like chikuwabu. Anyone else with me? Huh? Huh?" while the others just give him a look like "wtf, Ryuu?"

And now I know why (although I will still stand by my "Ryuu sympathizes with the chikuwabu" theory). It's an in-joke with the staff poking fun at themselves because they realized how much they were ragging on something that was more popular than they had initially thought and Ryuu's just there to be their mouthpiece like "but chikuwabu isn't really so bad, please don't hate. *sweats profusely*" XD

Speaking of Gora, why does he keep chopping wood for a natural hot spring? Takamatsu: The Kurotama Bath is actually an onsen even though it’s a public bath. So we realized halfway that you don’t need firewood if it’s an onsen. Yokote: It was like, ‘ehh, at this point in time?!!’. Miyawaki: It would have been terrible to correct, so we had him continue chopping wood as he had been, and let Kinugawa critique that before the viewers could. Takamatsu: And then in the last episodes, 11 and 12, we redeemed ourselves since it was foreshadowing!

We all remember this scene from S1E6, right?

Oh, staff... Way to have Goura lampshade the fact that you originally had no purpose for him other than to stand outside the Kurotama and chop wood all day. Yes, Yumoto, listen to your An-chan. Do not become a "useless protagonist" who does nothing but stand with the main group and smile and look cute while the plot happens around you... oh...

Ryuu is smiling at En's attempt to give credit where credit is due, but Atsushi is having none of it.

He looks so tired. Being one of the designated "straight men" of the group (strictly in the figurative sense) is draining when he can see through all the fluffy bullshit that is constantly being thrown up in front of them.

If Atsushi is the staff's mouthpiece here, then En is us. “Eh?” Yes, Atsushi, do shed some light on the situation for us, for we have all been blind and it is the one with glasses who alone could see.

*click*

For about 4 seconds, Goura sweats profusely

before shutting his window.

He can’t answer and neither could the staff.

Look what you did, Atsushi, you fucked up a perfectly good background character is what you did. Look at him. He has anxiety.

Yumoto, why so harsh? But is this the staff taking a potshot at themselves, too? XD

Bless you, En.

And since they can’t just leave it on that unhappy note, we get the other bookend at the end of the episode…

Thanks, Atsushi. You really won't let that go, huh? Look, I don’t come into your house and ask you why you obsess over jigsaw puzzles, do I? Let the man run his business.

Ryuu, you’re not helping. And to be honest, there’s zero point in chasing skirt as much as you do, so what are you trying to say? *raises an eyebrow* 

Io, you have no right to talk.

Meanwhile, En is so disappointed in them. LET THE MAN LIVE!

Moral of the story: We accidentally gave a "useless" character an even more useless job, literally defeating his entire purpose for being there, so the only way we could fix it without making ourselves look sloppy and destroying the overall moral of this show that everyone's important was to turn it into his hobby and call it foreshadowing. *thumbs up*

I wish I sparkled like that when I sweat. Wow.

You’ve done good, Goura. Follow your dreams. You deserve them.

Did the previous battle lover, Gora, have any companions? Takamatsu: Umm, I haven’t thought about it at all *laughs*. At first, Gora was really only there for chopping wood, but in deciding the brotherly showdown episode he became a pretty central to things. If not for the developments of the final episode, I think he would have just kept on chopping wood until the end.

I wouldn't know when development for the season 1 finale would have taken place, but I think it's fairly safe to say that, even at this point in ep6, Goura was still just a background character. A staple of the Kurotama and nothing more. Until whatever point it was when they decided to turn him into a monster and play up the brother dynamics to sucker punch our hearts even more. In the interview, they mentioned that the development of the brotherly love message in ep10 was where they started to set us up for the pain because they wanted the brothers to battle.

So, that brings this whole thing back around to the chikuwabu...

Basically, the joke I got out of this when I thought about it made me laugh.

At this point in time, Goura looks like he might have an important role because the camera pans to him. He’s there. We see him. But he’s only ever chopping wood. He doesn’t do anything else. Goodness knows we all remember going through each episode during season 1 and wondering what his story was and coming up with theories about why he was even shown in the episodes and interacting with the other characters as if he was so significant if his peculiar presence wasn’t going to be explained eventually.

That’s it. That’s the joke. En is saying, “He just looks like he integrates into the plot, but he really doesn’t. You can stare at him and study him for hours and hours, but you won’t find anything of real substance. He’s good at blending in without actually doing anything. What you see with him is exactly what you get. He just chops wood.”

And then En goes on to say that he doesn’t know if he hates chikuwabu, he just feels like he’s looking at an unknown lifeform, and it’s funny when you think about how everyone just accepts Goura as the staple of the Kurotama because that’s all he is to them and then they still can’t figure him out when they really have to think about it. (Well, aside from Yumoto, of course. Goura means a lot more to him than to the others.)

But despite the fact that Goura is also chikuwabu, I still wouldn’t go so far as to call him a “pointless” character. Because even before he was given a more significant role in the main plot of the season and before there was any “foreshadowing” (I see what you did there, staff), he still had a purpose. Calling him “pointless” would defeat the point of the metaphor, you see.

In fact, all of the background characters, the loveless, and even the Press Society are the chikuwabu. They are only there as a throwaway character or to serve a single mundane purpose, whether they appear as a significant role in the narrative of an episode or not. But they are all still equally important because the show needs them to fill those roles in order to tell the story. Without them, the story could not have progressed the way it did if the only “important” ones were the main characters.

The background characters who have no lines or only a few lines here and there, whether that dialogue is filler or not, just to take up space on screen or prove a point a character is making…

The loveless, who are only used as pawns in each episode to serve as an object lesson in morality and receive life advice…

The Press Society, who shows up a few times to be a nuisance to the main characters and serves as a third-party antagonist so the Caerula Adamas could be redeemed…

The aliens and, heck, even Tawarayama-sensei, who is only used as vehicle of transportation for Wombat and isn’t even given the decency of respect… because he’s dead, remember, he’s dead and his life is but a mere joke to amuse us and the aliens have a penchant for puppeteering more than just human life and deriving enjoyment out of watching it happen…

And Goura, who faithfully stood outside the Kurotama chopping wood and was only much later on given the title of magical boy.

They are the chikuwabu of season 1. And even the chikuwabu, who we might not initially think of as anything important or significant, is a key ingredient necessary for making our beloved story what it is. They support the story while playing their own parts.

They are all oden, guys. Everyone and everything is oden. This show and even us, we are all oden. Oden is love, oden is life, oden is never over.