#lots of places to relax away from ppl

[didderd]

Is the severity of tourettes different amongst the boys (including Alex)?

(it's a bit long, so under the cut)

there isn't a lot of variety in their severity. though. some separate conditions can heighten tics/make them more aggressive. like anxiety, stress, trauma, etc. so some of the guys' Tourette's is more severe due to some mental illness. all the boys' Tourette's is in the severe category, but: the crispy crew's Tourette's is generally more severe than TTT, and Tac's can sometimes be worse than Tic's and Tou's. Rice is more mentally stable than his men, but his Tourette's is more severe to begin with. though. he's good at suppressing, so it doesn't show as much unless he is alone, or only surrounded by those he trusts completely. (the tentacle tics are harder to suppress. which would be part of why they tic more.) Pop's tics can be worse than the others due to all his LV. he has really bad panic/LV attacks, manic energy, and stuff, and those do not mix well with tics. (most the other crispies get those too, but not quite as bad as Pop.) Alex. isn't sure his exact severity, but it's assumed to be moderate-severe. he also gets anxiety/panic attacks and manic energy, but not to the same extent as some of the others.

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[gojowh0rcs]

me reading hcs with a reader that thinks theyre being funny and sassy but are really just being mean and stinky to gojo:

[grandline-fics]

Hi! Can I request OP men (monster trio, Ace, Law, or anyone ur comfy with doing!) reaction to reader becoming self conscious and suddenly anxious when there are too many ppl around and they try to ground them? It could be a crowd or even members from the ship! Thank you ^^

DESCRIPTION: You’re anxious when there’s too many people around

WARNINGS:  none

CHARACTERS: Luffy, Zoro

WORDS: 1,318

A/N:  Thank you for this request. I wanted to do more scenarios with some of the other OP men but could only manage two this time. I loved this idea so there'll be a part two in the future. I hope you like what I came up with for this

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

MASTERLIST

———————

LUFFY

Wherever Luffy goes, a crowd is sure to follow. Whether its civilians drawn to his free and infectious nature or rivals getting into his face as a challenge that he doesn’t back down from the end result is always the same; very little breathing room because of the mass of people. For the most part you were used to this constant buzz of noise and cluster of presences but tonight it was getting to be too much for you. After a long battle of fighting groups of enemies to be immediately dragged into an all out celebration, you were reaching your limit of what you could take. 

You didn’t want to be rude to the people who were grateful for you playing your part in securing their freedom and leave the conversations or festivities too early but when eyes weren’t on you, you were definitely searching for something that could allow you to disappear without drawing too much attention or cause any offence. You breathed a sigh of relief when the current civilian you were talking to left you to grab something to eat. Idly sipping at your own drink you inched further away from the main hub of people, trying to feel some sense of security in a quieter section.

Suddenly from above you heard the loud and all too familiar laughter of your Captain that was already causing an infectious smile to pull at your lips before you had even looked up. Perched high on the town’s clocktower was Luffy, using the stone lion fixture adorning the rooftop as his own personal seat to look over the entire town’s celebration. Because your weren’t amongst the crowd you were easier to spot and when he saw you smiling up at him he grinned wide. 

Immediately he launched his arm out towards you and without waiting for your response he took your arm and pulled you through the air to land safely on the roof with him. Now out from the almost suffocating crowd you finally got a moment to breathe and look down at the view of the town now far enough away for you to appreciate the atmosphere and beauty of their joy. You smiled and settled down to sit next to your Captain, finally able to relax. “So why’re you all the up here in the first place? Would’ve thought you’d have more fun down there with the people.”

“Started to get annoyed when they kept calling me a hero, all I wanted was to eat.” Luffy explained with a grin, moving his enormous hoard of food back onto his lap to continue eating. “Besides when I saw the lion up here it made me think of the Sunny.” You smiled at the simplistic answer and looked at the fixture in question. As nice as it was, it paled in comparison to Sunny. You couldn’t help but let out a small sigh which didn’t go unnoticed by Luffy. He recalled how you hadn’t be with anyone before he brought you up here. “You not having fun?”

“Not exactly.” You shrugged, unable to lie to someone so open and honest with their feelings as Luffy was. You could always trust him to listen and not dismiss your feelings. “It’s just been a lot since we landed here. The people are friendly but it was beginning to feel like I couldn’t breathe around them. It was just getting to be a bit much.”

“How do you feel now?” Luffy asked curiously, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable either. 

“A lot better, definitely like I can breathe again.” You reassured with a bright grin that Luffy returned while also reminding himself to always check on you while in a crowd like this from now on. 

ZORO

Why did you have to land on an island that was virtually a Marine base in its own right? As much as you and some of the others wanted to leave and journey to the next island, Luffy’s orders were final and he wanted to stay. Just because there were a ton of Marines stationed on this island and lived here with their families, why should he change what he wanted to do. As much as you wanted to protest your Captain you knew no amount of logic or begging would change his determination to explore freely. 

The most everyone could compromise on was the promise to keep as low a profile as possible and only engage the Marines if-and only if-your cover was blown. To ensure that disaster of a situation didn’t happen, the more level-headed members of the crew paired up with the more instinctual and chaotic members. Today you were left to walk the town with Zoro, the added element of ensuring he didn’t wander off into areas that would certainly spell trouble meant your worries were doubling. Every step you made through the streets, you swept a nervous glance around trying to keep track of anyone in a Marine uniform while also trying to pinpoint escape routes if the worst did happen.

“You need to relax.” Zoro muttered from beside you and you flinched, your already tense body coiling even tighter. You looked up at him with widened eyes. “You’re going to draw their attention and blow our cover.” At that you bristled but then panic set in and you couldn’t help but look around you again. With a sharp sigh, Zoro turned his body so he was blocking you from view and more importantly you could only look at him. “If you’re getting nervous about keeping a low profile but keep looking around the way that you are, people are going to end up taking notice and cause suspicion.” You opened your mouth to argue but you couldn’t, not when he was making sense. Still you couldn’t just relax the way he was telling you to. Zoro watched you carefully and frowned. “What’s got you so wound up anyway? What’s your biggest worry here?”

“Look around you!” You whispered. “Everyone is either a Marine or related to one. If we get caught-”

“We’ll deal with it as a crew like we always do.” Sometimes Zoro’s clear cut view of a situation was a reassurance but other times it was annoying. Dealing with a situation that could have been avoided in the first place was not what you wanted and wouldn’t necessarily work out as perfect as it would in his head. 

“I just don’t want to be the reason one of us gets hurt when fighting didn’t need to be an option.” You shrugged helplessly. You didn’t want to seem weak, especially not to someone like Zoro but you couldn’t change how you felt in that moment. “I can’t be so laidback like you, sorry.”

Zoro rolled his good eye but threw you a small smirk to show he wasn’t annoyed. Silently he took your arm and swapped your original walking position. While he managed to keep one arm lazily around your shoulder, he also managed to be just ahead of you enough that his three swords were in front of you, almost like a shield. “As long as you’re part of the crew we work together and do our part to protect each other, yeah? So until someone spots us just relax and try not to look so panicked otherwise it looks like I’m kidnapping you.” 

At that you laughed for the first time since arriving on the island and nudged his side while making no move to step out from his arm. It was strange how just being like this managed to calm you immensely. “Let’s hope Sanji doesn’t see. He’ll attack you on the spot and that’ll definitely blow our cover.”

“Yeah…would be worth it though.” Zoro grinned only to wince when you nudged his ribs a little harder. “I was kidding!” Well for the most part he was. 

[mins-fins]

AUDERE EST FACERE. — [Z.CL]

❝to dare is to do..❞

SYNOPSIS: where crown prince zhong chenle, forced into a marriage with a woman he doesn't like and riddled with complicated feelings, finds solace in the palace's very own medic, you.

PAIRING: zhong chenle x male!reader

GENRE: royalty au, not really modern but not really medieval time period either, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst, kinda humorous, prince!chenle x medic!reader, kinda forbidden relationship, ambiguous/open ending

WARNINGS: might not be accurate to medieval times, death, blood & gore, forced marriage, mentions of disease, unhealthy ways of grieving, a lot of mentions of violence

WORD COUNT: 22.7k

NOTES: woah woah woah!!! this whole fic broke a whole bunch of isa records…….. hiiii jj 😊 hi chenle stans 😊 hello nct male reader community 😊😊😊 i hope im serving the isanator nation well (consists of 2 ppl) ANYWAY this is one of the works i am genuinely most proud of because for one, it's my longest ever work, and for two, i'm just so happy with how it turned out!! this was originally meant to be like 16k words but then i got carried away and now this is here 🙁 i truly apologize for how long this is but PLEASEEE dont get bored i swear it gets good 😞😞 and i did write ambiguous ending but it does seem pretty straightforward so um… im sorry for that, this fic would've been MUCH MUCH LONGER than 22k words but i already beat my former wc record so i just cut a bunch of other unnecessary scenes 😶 alright thats enough of my yapping!! ily jj my bsf ever ty for listening to me ramble abt this endlessly in ur inbox 😊😊💗

CHENLE REMEMBERS IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. his little feet sneakily took him away from the huge meeting room full of intimidating adults talking about gibberish, and slowly, they lead him to a much more enjoyable place. at the time, seven year old chenle couldn't figure out why his parents needed such a big meeting room, or why all of these important people came to the castle every few months, to him, those strangers were nothing but tryhards, greedy men and women who were never pleased no matter how much they were offered.

seven year old chenle could never truly figure out why his parents insisted on having him sit around with these other important adults, listening to them talk about the economy, kingdom relations, marriage, all this stuff that isn't interesting to seven year old boys.

the young prince found his feet leading him to a place of familiar comfort, the palace's own rose garden. he could never truly explain why the air surrounding the abundance of roses ever became of comfort to him, because roses are anything but comfortable to hold, but whenever he felt like father and mothers fights were getting too aggressive, he could just come here and everything would be okay.

the gardener, a woman by the name of mrs. qian, was always sweet to chenle, much sweeter than his father usually was. her son, qian kun, is basically chenle's older brother, the older boy often comes around whenever his mothers in work, and he tells chenle stories of what goes on at the village schools, the newest gossip and adventures he's gone on with his friends.

chenle often finds himself interested in the life of a commoner, they're all just so intriguing.. he can't believe the stories most of the time, but he is homeschooled, and has been holed up in this castle for as long as he can remember, so how he can prove or debunk any of these things? he just thinks that non-royals are some of the most entertaining people he knows, they're all so hilarious.

as soon as the seven year old chenle stepped into the rose garden, a feeling of relief seeps into his body. he takes in a deep breath, and finally allowed for his shoulders to slump, much too tired of having to keep his back straight all this time.

he lets himself relax into the atmosphere, finally away from the suffocated room full of adults seemingly speaking a language he could not understand. if that's what kings and queens have to do, chenle thinks he'd rather not take the throne.

the seven year old prince allowed for his eyes to scan the garden, it's empty. well that makes sense, mrs. qian isn't in today and neither is her son, they went on a holiday. he sighs to himself, he misses kun's company, but alas, no one is around.

chenle makes his way around to a specific rose bush, it has the most roses out of the bunch. seven year old chenle used to think the rose bushes were magic, the roses always grew so quickly, one day there'd be none and the next there'd be hundreds, it was purely shocking to the young prince.

chenle, as always, began tracing the shape of the roses with his finger. he finds them pretty, as he does all flowers. it might sound like he's being basic, but roses are probably his favorite of the bunch. they're just so beautiful, and most importantly— they're sharp.

but the seven year old chenle is startled out of his rose admiring due to a shout.

"hey! don't touch those!"

the young prince furrowed his eyebrows at the words, what's wrong with touching the roses? it's not like there are garden rules or anything. when chenle turned to the source of the shout, that's when he sees the person.

you, it was you. adorable seven year old you who ran up to him as quickly as you could, you stopped as soon as you made it his way, panting like you had just run a marathon. "don't touch the roses".

the young chenle blinked, puzzled. "why can't i touch them? i'm the prince you can't tell me what to do—"

"they're sharp! you're gonna hurt yourself see?" you pointed at chenle's hand, and he looked down, eyes widening as he came across the sight. his finger was bleeding, oh that's bad. "roses have thorns, you have to be careful".

chenle had no idea who you were then, but all he knew was that you were worried. your eyes were watering, as if you were going to burst into tears at any moment, and you took a deep breath as you slowly began freaking out over the small cut on the prince's index finger. "oh uh— i didn't even notice".

"it's okay really, god i have a bandaid don't i? hold on.." you mumbled, worried as ever as you began rummaging through your pockets, trying to find a bandaid to patch up the prince with.

"it's fine it's just a small cut i.." chenle paused in between his words, clearing his throat. "who are you?"

right, you were still a stranger, chenle had no idea who you were then, for all he could know, you had broken into the palace or something. you finally stopped looking through your pocket, your face went a bright red as you faced the prince again. "um my name is y/n, i'm the—"

"y/n honey? where did you run off to?"

now chenle recognized that voice, that was the voice of the palace's sweet medic. mrs. l/n had a voice that was like honey, she was easily one of chenle's favorite staff members, not only because she would always be there to wipe his tears when he scraped his knee, but she always offered him delicious candy. "oh! there you are!"

"good afternoon mrs. l/n" chenle politely greeted, and you let out a small sigh of relief at the sight of your mother, though that look of worry was still prominent in your eyes.

"chenle, how are you doing?" she reached over to ruffle the young prince's hair, which he accepted happily, giggling at the gesture. "i'm doing good, ma'am".

"he has a cut on his finger" you muttered to her, and a small 'ah' leaves her lips as she finally realized what was going on. "i wanted to help him but i didn't have any bandaids" you seemed disappointed in yourself, as your gaze immediately lowered to the floor.

"oh sweetie, it's okay" your mother shook your shoulder, reassuring you. "just remember to call me before running off".

"i'll remember, sorry".

the young prince blinked at the sight before him, though he continued to smile at the sight of your mother. "sorry for yelling at you, your highness" you muttered in your low voice, and all chenle did was shake his head, waving you off.

"it's alright you were just trying to help" chenle replied, he finds seven year old you to be the epitome of adorable, just the cutest person in the world.

"let's get you that bandaid yeah?"

chenle nodded, you nodded, and the two of you proceeded to follow your mother out of the garden and to her office.

when chenle thinks back to this moment, the moment he first met you, he likes to compare it to an explosive, just waiting to be lit, just waiting to be set off and destroy everything. when he thinks back to the first moment he met you, chenle can't help but reminisce about it.

after your mother helped him with his cut, the two of you.. talked. you talked about things all seven year old boys talk about, and it was one of the highlights of chenle's day, though he kept trying to make you drop the formalities and call him by his first name, you vehemently disagreed.

the two of you became friends (and just chenle calling the two of you "friends" was enough to almost send seven year old you into cardiac arrest), a royal and a commoner, but chenle never saw it that way, chenle has never seen it that way. a friend is a friend, regardless of status or their economic situation. yes chenle is at a great advantage, being the prince of the kingdom you lived in, but he never held it over you, he isn't like that.

you were— are a special friend to chenle. sometimes, it feels like the two of you have known each other your whole lives. you mean much more to him than he actually lets slip, but he'll never let that be known, even under kun's watchful eye and jisung's insistence on knowing if you two really are just "friends".

chenle spends a lot of time thinking about the day you two first met, it's like a looping episode of a show in his head.

"chenle? did you even hear me?"

no response.

a grunt of frustration is sounded in the room, but the prince doesn't react, much too busy zoned out as a specific memory replays in his head for the seventh time that hour.

"chenle! pay attention!"

the slam of a hand against the table, paired with the loud shout is enough to snap the now twenty one year old crown prince out of his little dazed memory recalling session. chenle startles, but he quickly lets his face relax, sighing as he rejoins the conversation he'd previously zoned out on. "what?"

chenle's mother pinches the bridge of her nose, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "marriage, chenle, that's what were talking about".

oh god, chenle resists the urge to groan. he isn't exactly on board with this whole marriage thing, but then again, he has no other choice, his father is gone and he's next in line for the throne, this is how it goes for each royal family, he should just suck it up and deal with it head on. "yeah yeah, sorry, i didn't sleep much last night".

it's not exactly a lie, these days usually have chenle plagued with some sort of sleeplessness, but that isn't the main reason he was zoned out, obviously. "alright.. anyway, i talked with the zhu's, we agreed that you and their daughter, yinuo, are to marry".

chenle recognizes the family name, unfortunately, he doesn't exactly recognize their daughter. "you're marrying me off to a stranger? what about the girls i actually know, suyin? jia? mingxia? they're actually my friends, i'd be much more comfortable with them than a princess i've never met".

"marriage doesn't work like that, chenle" the words are enough to make chenle grit his teeth, he bites his tongue, though. "all you have to do is merely get along with her enough that it looks like you're in love at the wedding, rule the kingdom, and have children".

chenle raises an eyebrow, rocking back and forth in his chair. "that sounds a tad bit dystopian, mother".

the older woman does nothing but narrow her eyes at chenle, a look he's become used to receiving from her at this point. "it's just how everything goes, le, i don't know what to tell you".

chenle bites his inner cheek, looking everywhere else in the room. he always knew marriage was a custom, if not out of true love, it would be out of convenience. chenle had been given so much time to go find a woman to fall in love with, but he didn't find it that easy, maybe he just has too many requirements when it comes to love. he doesn't exactly support the whole thing about creating new heirs, but he was born into this family for this reason, what is the point of being a king if not sacrificing his freedom for the happiness of others?

chenle has always known that he wouldn't exactly enjoy this part of his life, and his father just had to go early, he is very much upset, but he doesn't disclose those feelings to anyone. after his long minutes of silence, chenle stands up from the table, again facing his mother. "yes yes i get it, mother" he mutters, making his way over to his mother and pressing a kiss to her cheek, realizing that she was trembling in anxiousness. "don't worry about me, i'll be fine".

but would he really? chenle can't exactly determine that.

"HOW DID YOUR LITTLE MARRIAGE CONVERSATION GO?" QIAN KUN cannot contain his interest, immediately finding chenle and inquiring about his upcoming marriage. chenle can always go to kun to talk about things troubling his mind, the older is a person of solace for him, a comfort in this big castle that seems to be swallowing him whole. chenle is glad he has kun, even with how much he does tease him, he's truly grateful for the older. "whose the lucky lady?" the words are enough to get a groan out of chenle, who shoved his nose into his book.

"zhu yinuo".

kun's eyes widen, clearly he recognizes that name. "of azerene?"

chenle clicks his tongue, not sparing the older a glance. "yes, that one".

the older male hums, merely glancing at the crown prince. "why do you sound so uninterested? marriage should be a fun topic for you".

his teasing tone doesn't breeze past chenle, but the younger doesn't comment on it, focusing on the topic of the novel in his hands. "not when it's with a women i don't know, i'm just being placed into a union with a stranger, a stranger who i'm then going to have make babies with so that the treasurable zhong family lives on for generations and generations".

"well isn't that the whole point of royal families, though?" kun asks absentmindedly, it seems he meant to say that in his head, seeing as how he slaps a hand over his mouth immediately after the question escapes his lips, but chenle doesn't mind, getting offended over such a question is the last of his worries. "..sorry".

"it's alright" chenle responds, his voice a low echo in the expanse of a room. "it's how most things go anyway, i should know better than to question it".

"i just don't think it's fair" chenle only gives a mere hum, though he notices kun's tone of concern. "yeah you're supposed to create heirs at the end of the day, but not even with someone you love?"

"you ask too many questions".

kun scoffs, turning to chenle with a look of betrayal in his eyes. "i'm just saying what your thinking, chenle, i worry about you".

chenle, who sighs silently, finally closes his book and gives the older an indistinguishable look. "you don't have to worry about me, i'll be fine, i always am".

a lie, one as clear as day too. chenle doesn't exactly know how to explain what he feels, sometimes it feels like everything is bubbling up slowly, closing in on him and suffocating him to death. he assumes it's normal to feel like this, especially with people who don't talk about how they feel, but chenle doesn't know how to bring it up to people without making everything weird.

it's all just complicated.

chenle finally stands up, running a hand through his hair and folding the page of his book as to not lose his page. he makes his way over to kun, whose mindlessly folding his own clothes as he admires the butterfly tank before him.

the butterflies were an installment chenle begged for his father to get for him after he read a book on metamorphosis once, it was a gift for his twelfth birthday, though he wanted a room to be a whole conservatory for him, his father said that would be "unnecessary" (and as an adult, chenle is inclined to agree with that statement). he finds the winged beings to be beautiful, a kind of striking that only specific animals can replicate.

yes, chenle is a huge fan of butterflies, his love for them runs deep. he lightly taps the glass encasing the creatures with his nail, gaze laser focused on the flying insects and their bright colored wings.

"you say that all the time, but i can never truly tell if you are" kun finally responds after letting his answer wither in the silence of the room, his eyes wander over to chenle, who does nothing but admire the trapped butterflies before him.

the words get a small smile out of chenle, but he's not sure why, though they do make him smile. "i am fine, there's no need to look in further".

"you know me, i'm always going to look further".

chenle allows for himself to chuckle at the response. he's right about that.

he stares at the butterflies encased in the glass box, practically trapped against their own will. his mind wanders, the butterflies remind him of something very familiar.

but he pretends to have no idea what it is.

CHENLE OFTEN FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS THESE DAYS. after the first two hours of insomnia took over, the crown prince decided to entertain himself by reading that book he's left off at earlier that day, but by the time he looked at the clock again, two more hours had passed, and he had finished the book which he once thought would enthrall him until his body gave into it's exhaustion. he lets his arm fall, placing the copy of strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde onto his desk. he's still not tired, for some unknown reason. 

maybe another book will do the trick, chenle's mind tells him, and he agrees with that statement enough that he swings out of his bed and his feet grace the cold floor. it's cold, it's always cold at night, but chenle thinks it's always extra cold at night on purpose.

the crown prince tries his best to shake off the freezing temperature of the room, slipping on a fuzzy sweater and grabbing the lamp from his desk. if sleep isn't going to come him, he could at least spend some of the night in the library, it'll be a good way to pass time.

the library is a nice place of comfort, chenle has always been able to relax his mind the most when he's reading. reading is one of the easiest hobbies to have, because you're not tiring yourself out, but your also doing something fun (but chenle has learned that some people don't really describe reading as their idea of 'fun').

when chenle was younger, reading was really all he did. he was homeschooled, so the most lessons he got were three a day, mother and father never cared about what he had to tell them, dismissing his words as just idiotic child talk. no one ever gave him the time of day if they weren't forced to, so chenle quickly found comfort in the many books which littered the library.

by the time chenle was fourteen, he had already read most of the books in the library, and that includes the unnecessarily huge dictionary. he could almost always be found in the library if not in his room or the rose garden, immersing himself in another world of fiction or nonfiction.

the library is basically his second home, he's there all the time, engrossed in the literature which is all he can see.

the constant creaking of the old structure is all chenle can hear as he makes his way over to the library. at one in the morning, the palace is truly creepy, like one of those haunted buildings full of spirits that suddenly scare you in the night.

now, chenle isn't one to believe in the supernatural, but some of these nightly events in the castle truly can't be explained away. sometimes, he almost gives in to believing all of stories about paranormal activity happening in the castle, something about an old king going haywire and murdering his whole entire family.

father and mother would tell him the stories to scare him out of staying up late, saying that old king chen was gonna come out of the walls late at night and scare him if he ever tried to roam the palace halls past his bedtimes.

but chenle's an adult now, much too grown to be believing in some make believe ghost stories.

back to his mission of getting to the library with nothing but his tiny lamp, chenle sighs in the darkness of the empty halls, his sigh seemingly echoing in the silence and bouncing off the walls. he pauses to observe his barely lit surroundings, and he feels his stomach drop when he hears the sound of faint footsteps across the hall.

who else could be awake at this time?

"hello?"

chenle pauses again as he listens to the greeting. he recognizes that voice, it's you, chenle thinks he could recognize your voice from miles away. "y/n?" he calls out, he doesn't mean to do that, he just really wanted to say your name, is that such a crime? he doesn't think it is.

when you finally come into his like of vision, chenle lets out a sigh of relief, the pit in his stomach will hopefully go away now. for some reason, he feels much more safe with you here. "oh god you scared me ch— your highness".

ah, it's still the same, despite your long friendship, you still don't usually address chenle by his name. you always say it's because you have to "respect his title", but chenle doesn't really like it. he likes it more when you call him by his first name, even if it is disrespectful for a commoner to do such a thing.

chenle never cares when it's with you.

"you scared me" chenle emphasizes, taking in a deep breath. "my apologies".

"it's fine, uh.. why are you awake exactly?" you ask, though chenle wanted to ask you that, it seems you beat him to it. how funny. "if you don't mind me asking of course".

of course, all you ever really do is look after people, you take after your mother, it's evident to chenle that being a medic was your calling. "oh i can't sleep, i'm heading to the library to get a book that'll hopefully tire me".

you chuckle at the words, your laughter is pretty, chenle notes. "of course, you're always in that library, seems you spend most of your time reading" chenle laughs at your tone of voice, your teasing him, you talk like how your mother used to talk about him when you were children.

"reading is..fun".

those words seem to confuse you, and you blink, lightly tilting your head to the side. "i have never heard someone describe reading as fun, but i guess it makes sense for you".

chenle wants to ask about the meaning of those words, because they seem to have so many layers, but you begin again before he can even try to ask. "i heard about your new marriage" there's a certain distaste in your voice chenle can't exactly pinpoint. "congratulations".

chenle allows for himself to frown, his stomach curling in an uncomfortable way at just the thought of his new marriage. he doesn't want to talk about it, because it's just going to make him upset. "oh yeah it's quiet.. exciting news".

you pick up on his tone of disgust, his gritted teeth, and the way his eyes quickly cast around the room, but you stay silent. "anyway, i should be heading to the library, find a nice book, have any recommendations?"

you blink at the sudden question, scouring your mind for books you think the crown prince might be charmed by. "frenchman's creek by daphne du maurier".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "that's in the library?"

"yeah i uh— i read it a couple weeks ago, it was amazing" you mutter, trying to keep eye contact with the prince who was clearly trying to not look you in the eye. "i think you'll like it, i mean— i hope you do".

chenle hums, noting down your recommendation in his mind. "i'll make sure to read it then, thank you y/n, good night".

your eyes widen as you realize that it is indeed the middle of the night, and your conversation has to end eventually. "right right, it's no problem, good night your highness".

chenle frowns again at the sound of his title escaping your lips, but he doesn't say anything, just gives you a small smile and walks past you and towards the library.

he doesn't see you watch him walk away, he's much too busy thinking about how much he wants you to say his name.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU LOOK TIRED" THE WORRYING tone in his fiancée's voice doesn't breeze past chenle, but he pays it no mind, ignoring the question. yinuo blinks, clearly expecting the silence, chenle's mother did say he's prone to giving people the "cold shoulder". she sighs, reaching out to touch his shoulder but immediately pulling back, he probably wouldn't like that. "chenle.."

"i'm fine" chenle replies faster than he intends, he brushes off any dust that might be on his shoulder and rubs his right eye. "i just lost a few hours of sleep that's all" he states rather unconvincingly, but yinuo doesn't comment more, just sighs again.

chenle holds out his arm, which the princess quickly links with hers, an indescribable emotion in his eyes. "let's just get this over with.." he shakes his head, feeling a hand of support from his future wife run up and down his back. "the faster we get through with this the faster we both get out of here".

yinuo is happy to know chenle doesn't despise her, he's just not comfortable with her, and chenle, he really is trying his best, he might be coming off as rude, but he just isn't on board with this whole thing. "they're all so extra, making us do this.."

"right, the least they could do is make us enter at different times but no, we have to do this walk in together like were walking down the aisle".

chenle glances down at their linked arms, letting a sigh escape his lips as the two of them finally exit the room they had been put into together. starting their way off to the meeting room down the hall, chenle allows for his mind to wander, he can't be focused on his fiancée or upcoming marriage, he's much too focused on other things.

you, namely.

the crown prince can't focus on what's going on when the only thing prominent in his mind is you. yeah your exchange last night was a short one, but it was also a memorable one. after weeks of going back and forth with things that just didn't make sense, and a mind that was in a frenzy, just talking to you in the middle of the night was enough to relax chenle.

you two haven't been able to talk in the past few weeks.. evidently, chenle is a prince to be king who has to focus on ruling a kingdom and your a medic who has to focus on taking care of others. you two have no time to be friends now that you're adults, it doesn't help that chenle now has all this added pressure on him, and you clearly feel like he's become a stranger.

chenle guesses the.. power imbalance is what's driving this. he's apart of the royal family, a crown prince, set to take the crown and become king, your a commoner, someone who lives just above the poverty line, the only reason you're able to stay afloat is because you took up your mothers position as the palace's medic, but even then, you can almost barely take care of her.

chenle hates thinking about it, because the two of you used to be so close, an unbreakable pair, two boys who couldn't be separated even with the differences between you two. your ranks in society never bothered you, never disturbed your friendship, never disturbed you as a pair, it never mattered. he often finds himself reminiscing on those times, the times where he could see you without his mind listing everything he had to do after that.

"chenle? are you listening?"

chenle blinks out of his daze, arm still linked with yinuo's as he gazes at his future father in law. he pretends to not see the look of worry the woman on his arm sends him, clearing his throat. "yeah, my apologies".

"uh huh, my regards to you, i know the sudden.. passing of the king was hard on you, and we hope your grieving well".

so your throwing your daughter at me, how great. chenle laughs in his mind, tongue poking through his inner cheek, he already knew he wasn't going to like where this was going. "now, about the marriage—"

chenle tunes him out easily, letting out a silent sigh which his mother hears, sending him a glare from across the room as the breath escapes his lips. he doesn't pay any mind to the look from his mother, though he knows she's quickly getting annoyed with how he isn't paying attention.

the discussion is exactly how chenle thought it'd be, the parents discuss everything and just assume their children agree from the get go, they don't even bother asking them their thoughts, or even how they felt, they just threw them into this like they were some baby making machines.

chenle guesses it's just how the cycle goes, his parents had to go through this, and so did their parents before them, and their parents before them, and so on. this is how things work, chenle can't run away from his fate, even with how much he opposes this arrangement.

"and for children.." just the mention of children is enough to make both chenle and yinuo tense, but they both play it off as the cold of the room making them flinch. "you can decide how many you want, but more than one would be nice, and especially a son would be nice".

of course, chenle sings in his head. he wonders how much they'll have to drill that into their heads, some stupid importance men have or something. he glances at his fiancée, whose trembling in her place beside him. he places a gentle hand on her back. "it's alright, calm down" he whispers enough so that she can hear it over the chatter of her father and mother.

"this is not fun".

"yeah, tell me about it" the crown prince grits his teeth, his comment eliciting a small laugh out of the woman beside him. he has to admit, he does enjoy her company.

"ah, i see you two are getting along!"

upon hearing the remark, the two pause, an awkward silence spreading between them. they exchange a small glance before chenle clears his throat, speaking up. "yeah um.. this was a nice meeting, we can continue chatting about the marriage another time, we thank you for coming, the guards will escort you out".

though chenle smiles at his future in laws, he feels nothing but nauseous the whole time.

"WHERE ARE YOU HEADING, YOUR HIGHNESS?" THE QUESTION from kun isn't enough to make chenle stop in his tracks, and he continues his way down the hall. kun blinks as the younger ignores him, furrowing his eyebrows. he then lets out a sigh, letting his hands drop as his eyes stay pointed at the crown prince. "chenle? where are you going?" chenle still doesn't stop, but he seems to acknowledge the older this time.

"to the rose garden" he responds quickly, only getting another eyebrow furrow from the older. he finally stops, turning towards the other with a look that kun cannot exactly pinpoint at the current moment. "if you need me, i'll be there".

"is something wrong?"

chenle takes in a breath, gritting his teeth. curse qian kun for being so caring, curse him for always knowing when something's up. he's quick to shake his head, mustering the fakest of fake smiles. "nothing's wrong! i just need fresh air!"

kun blinks, totally not buying that horrible lie, but he doesn't say anything about it, just mutters a small "okay" and lets chenle be on his way. chenle didn't mean to lie to kun, he just doesn't know how to explain his feelings at the current moment.

so, he gives the older a small smile, turning on his heel and making a beeline towards the titular rose garden, the one that's given him so much comfort over these past few years. he doesn't know why just the presence of everyone in that room was enough to make him want to throw up, but his anxieties wouldn't settle, he can't bear to stay inside this castle much longer.

chenle has no idea why the feeling of suffocation is constantly overtaking him these days, but the walls are slowly pushing in on him, leaving him breathless and nothing more than a weak human vessel.

when chenle does finally step outside, met by a plethora of roses and the smell of pollen in the air, the pit in his stomach doesn't settle. instead of letting out a sigh of relief, he pauses in his tracks, allowing for his eyes to roam the area he'd grown to love as a child.

chenle sighs, not of relief, but sighs with another indescribable feeling he can't explain, walking up to a display of white roses. he knows they're sharp, your old warnings flash in his head as he stares at the pretty flowers before him, tracing them with his fingers as he's always done when in the rose garden.

"don't hurt yourself again, your highness".

it's when chenle hears you that he immediately jumps, but then he relaxes, slowly. what were the odds of this happening again? you seem to read his mind, because you chuckle at the expression which graces his features. chenle raises an eyebrow, a humored smile coming to his face. "you sure you actually have bandaids this time?"

the reference makes you snicker, looking down at the floor as you turn away from your childhood friend. you rummage through your pocket, finally pulling out a bandaid, one which wasn't present when you were seven and yelling for chenle to not touch the roses. "there you go, now you won't cut your finger".

for once today, chenle suddenly feels relaxed, it's always with you, isn't it? his mind notes that down, he'll remember it for later. he takes the bandaid from you, a smile coming to his face as the nostalgia settles on him. "thank you, you're always looking after everyone, you sure know how to do your job".

the words make you pause, but you don't look at chenle as you think of a response, instead turning to the white roses displayed in front of you. you lightly poke them, letting out a small hum of affirmation. "well, what kind of medic would i be if i didn't look out for others? i'd be an idiot to ever let our highness get hurt".

chenle's lips turn up, and he laughs in just the slightest, but he isn't sure why he laughs. there's just something about you that makes chenle feel at ease, you calm his worries without even having to do anything, it's not like he's even telling you about these worries either, but the anxiety he once felt seems to be nothing now.

spending time with you calms chenle, he wants to preserve as much of this time as possible.

"i started reading your recommendation" chenle suddenly blurts out, wanting to continue a conversation with you. he doesn't know how limited your time will be. "frenchman's creek.. i like it so far, it's an interesting choice, though".

you raise an eyebrow. "why's that?"

"i didn't peg you for an enjoyer of pirate romances" chenle shrugs, and he quickly looks away, not wanting to stare at you for too long, because he doesn't think he'd be able to look away.

"well i don't like limiting my interests to one genre, you'd know about that".

chenle blinks, the words striking him in a way only the words you say can. how do you always manage to do that? it's not really the words, it's just how you say them, even if you don't make your intentions clear, chenle always knows what you mean. "it always manages to surprise me, i'm not sure what's gonna happen next".

you click your tongue, a small smile coming to your face. "just so you know, it doesn't have a happy ending".

chenle gasps, overdramatizing the volume of his voice. "you're giving me spoilers? in the rose garden?" his words make you snicker, and you pick a white rose from the bush, unfazed by the thorns which slowly sink into your fingers.

"i didn't spoil anything specific" you finally turn back to chenle, twirling the rose between your fingers. "just told how it was gonna end up.." you mutter, stepping closer to chenle unconsciously. you look at up, suddenly anxious as ever. "may i?" you ask, motioning towards the rose with your eyes.

chenle blinks, his mind going blank for a few seconds. what do you want to do exactly? he gazes at your hands fidgeting on the stem of the flower, and the pieces slowly put themselves together in his brain. are you going to..? "i— yes, sure.."

you raise an eyebrow, not really trusting the seemingly hesitant consent chenle had given, but he clears his throat, reiterating it for you; "yes, you can".

upon hearing the answer, you step closer once again, placing the rose into his hair, your careful to not hurt chenle, and especially careful because you don't want the stem to get tangled in chenle's hair. "i.. i thought it'd look nice on you, and it does, you look— you look great".

chenle blinks, a sudden red hue coloring his cheeks. it's such a basic compliment, one he's been given many times by other people, but it feels different coming from you.

it's always different when it's with you.

chenle clears his throat, unable to prevent a smile from crossing his face. you don't look at him anymore, looking away to prevent yourself from burning up, but you allow for a smile to come to your face as you think about the action you just performed.

you have no idea why you're so giddy about this.

"oh um.." chenle pauses, laughing awkwardly. "thank you, that's very sweet".

"oh it's no problem i just— i uh, it compliments your hair".

chenle hums, looking down at the floor. he hopes you don't see his face burning, and you hope he doesn't see your face burning, it's such a hilarious thing, but you both are much too flustered to find your current circumstances amusing. "you have an eye for those things too?"

"well i have an eye for many things".

i can see that, chenle doesn't say that, though, just smiles at you. you only give him a mere glance, and a small smile yourself. "it was nice seeing you, ch— your highness" you notice how your correction makes chenle frown, but you continue. "i'll be off now, have a good day".

chenle only frowns again when he realizes your time together is over, he wants to continue the conversation, wants to try to use an excuse, wants to use his power to order you to stay, but he doesn't give into the desires he wants so badly, just nods. "oh uh, don't let me keep you here".

you chuckle. "i wouldn't really mind if you did".

the words have an unspoken affect on chenle, an affect that he can't exactly explain, but he can feel. he can feel it in the way his ears heat up and his stomach flips. "alright then, bye y/n".

"bye".

and as chenle watches you leave, the feeling of anxiety he'd entered the garden with seemed to wither away, dissolving away like it was nothing.

he thinks about your 'bye' for hours, unable to get the sound of your voice out of his bed.

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN THESE DAYS?" CHENLE doesn't answer immediately, as always these days. he skims the row of books before him, fidgeting with the one in his hands. he's not ignoring his friend, he's just focused on other things. "fine" he responds, grunting as he lightly struggles to pull the book from the shelf, but he doesn't ask for help. he doesn't need help. "what's with that look?"

park jisung blinks at his longtime friend, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him. "you don't look fine".

chenle scoffs, suddenly feeling super defensive. he doesn't look at jisung anymore, the other is going to begin to annoy him if he keeps staring at him. "what do you know about looking fine?"

he hears jisung's sigh of defeat. "well i'm just concerned for you, we haven't talked in a while, you've been so busy preparing for your coronation and.. marriage".

chenle resists the urge to roll his eyes. "my coronation isn't for another three months, preparations have all been lackluster".

"and the marriage?"

chenle snaps his head towards jisung, giving him an indescribable look. jisung is quick to shut his mouth, not wanting to face chenle's terrifying wrath. the older prince glares dangerously at the younger, who chuckles awkwardly and scratches his hand. he doesn't have to say anything, but jisung knows he should probably change the subject.

"uh.. um, are you still friends with that medic kid?"

now that is a question chenle wasn't expecting. a question about you? when he snaps his head over at jisung for the second time, the younger almost freezes, noticing the pointed look in his eyes. "what?"

"y/n, the medic kid!" jisung reiterates, clearly thinking the issue is that chenle didn't hear him the first time. "his mom used to work here, right? is he still around?"

chenle narrows his eyes, puzzled at where jisung is trying to go with this.. question. he'd been dealt with a fair amount of teasing from his friend because of how much closer the two of you seemed, jisung often questioned how much of a "friend" you really were to chenle, but the older would always combat it with a glare and snappy insult as a response.

"yes he's still around.. he took over mrs. l/n's position".

jisung blinks dumbly. "oh? what happened to her?"

just the question is enough to put a sour taste in chenle's mouth. "she just couldn't go on any longer one day, she retired a few years ago and he took over her position".

"you don't know what happened to her?"

"y/n didn't tell me anything specific" chenle is beginning to get annoyed. he knows it's in jisung's nature to be curious like this but god, if he wanted to know these things so bad he could've just asked you. "just go ask him if you're so curious".

he hears a small "hmph" sound from jisung before the younger prince sounds again. "i will then! y/n! hey!"

chenle didn't actually think you'd be passing by the library at that exact moment, but you were. you pause, backtracking as you look into the library, blinking at the jumping prince before you. "uh— hi, your highness, what do you need me for?"

jisung is quick to chuckle, waving off your use of formalities. "please, there's no need to be so formal, were friends after all!"

you only respond with a small smile, giving chenle a mere glance. "i'm just doing what i'm supposed to, i can't call you by your name.."

"well right now, you're going to call me by my name" jisung demands, which makes you snicker. he really hasn't changed. you look down at the floor, hands picking at your nails. "your allowed to, right chenle?"

chenle was not expecting to be included in this conversation. is jisung reading his mind or something? how could he seem to tell exactly what chenle wanted to say? he feels his face heat up, but he isn't exactly sure why it does that. "i mean— yeah, yes, were friends".

jisung then turns back to you, a clear 'see?' expression on his face as he smiles in victory at chenle proving him right. you chuckle at chenle's response, smiling again, but it's much more directed at chenle this time. "fine then, jisung, what do you need me for?"

jisung then walks towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder (a hand chenle is suddenly laser focused on) almost as if to reassure you. "how have you been?"

your eyebrows furrow. it's not a weird question to ask, you just weren't expecting for him to ask a question. you share another confused glance with chenle, then snickering lightly. "fine.. i uh— i've just been trying my best, as always".

jisung hums, his finger going up to caress your cheek lightly, a finger which chenle again laser focuses on, he can't help but narrow his eyes at jisung, wondering what the hell is he doing?

"uh huh, and how's your mother?"

at the mere mention of your mother, you seem to go still, pausing as you let jisung's question simmer into the air. you try your best to collect your words, opening your mouth to speak, but then you close it, as if wanting to keep your thoughts to yourself.

chenle picks up on your sudden silence, as if he could feel your heightened anxieties, he speaks up; "are you alright, y/n?" he asks, concern lacing his tone as he sees the worry in your eyes as you think about your mother.

you snap out of your little daze, clearing your throat as you nod. "yeah yeah, i uh— i'm fine, mom is.. she's doing okay".

"okay?"

"she's sick" you blurt quickly, fingers fidgeting at shirt collar. "but she's doing much better now, i'm taking care of her and everything.." you look away from the two royals, scratching your cheek out of habit.

"oh, oh my god i didn't know she was sick" jisung realizes how awkward he made the situation. "um, i wish her the best".

chenle doesn't say anything, he sees the way you glance around the room, desperately trying to think about everything else. "yeah, tell her i said hi" he states immediately, and you finally stop looking around the room to look at chenle, he notices that look in your eyes, the one where it seems like your about to cry, but you're holding in your tears.

even with all that, you smile at chenle, as if his words had healed you in some way. "i'll make sure to do that, i uh.. i have to go now, i don't want for anyone to die while i stand here".

jisung's eyes widen, and he gasps. "right! go go, you have a job to do, sorry for holding you up" you dismiss his words with a wave, jisung is still so cute, as cute as he was when you were children.

"it's fine really, you actually kind of made my day".

"well i'm happy that i could!"

you smile again at jisung, then smile lightly at chenle, who almost wants to jump towards you and trap you in a tight hug. "thank you, your hi— jisung" you quickly correct yourself, clearing your throat. "i'll see you some other time, and you chenle, i'll see you later".

chenle allows for himself to go red at the words, what do you mean by later? he tries his best to register the words, and the fact that you just called him by his name after what seems like forever, but he doesn't say anything, even though he feels jisung's gaze burning holes into his head. "later? yeah, later".

chenle has no idea why he agreed.

it's you, that's why he agreed.

WHEN CHENLE FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS AGAIN that very night, he doesn't even think before raising out of his bed and deciding he was going to go to the library. he stares at the copy of frenchman's creek on his desk, mind immediately flashing with thoughts of you. he feels the structure of the book cover with his finger, blinking as he weighs his options for a moment. he could go back to sleep, but he could also go to the library and entertain himself with more literature.

"i already got up anyway.." chenle mutters to himself, grabbing the book on his desk and the situated lamp on his desk. he doesn't mind the chills which course through his body, though it's cold, the cold is no longer a bother to him, he's much too busy thinking about books (and you) anyway..

when chenle leaves his room, he notices the halls aren't as dark as they were the other time he walked them when he went to the library the other night. he blinks into the halls, the air practically pushing against him the moment he leaves his room. chenle allows for himself to let out a weary breath, no one is around to watch him be vulnerable anyway.

as he steps out of his room, the floor of the old structure creaking under his feet, he feels a breeze of cold air rush past him, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't shiver.

chenle doesn't allow for himself to stand by and simply breath any longer, so, he takes himself down the hallway, his feet leading him to his familiar place of solace (well second most at least). he notices how the hallway seems to be more lit, he could see torches as he passed through the long corridors, eyes trained on the paintings which situated themselves on the walls.

there have always been paintings decorating the walls, paintings which dictate the many generations of the zhong family. chenle watched as a kid as an artist was appointed to paint him, father, and mother, a new painting to place on the timeline of the zhong dynasty which would extend across the entire palace.

as chenle spends more time thinking about it, it dawns on him, he's going to be displayed on the wall in a painting one day as the king. one day he's going to have to sit down with yinuo and their inevitable child as an artist uses several colors on a canvas to create a painting of the next zhong generation, and his eventual child is going to have to walk past it every time they make it through this expanse of a hallway.

chenle used to enjoy staring at the paintings, used to love watching the process of paintings being created, but now, with father gone, chenle can't bring himself to glance at the painting situated on the wall without feeling nauseous. every time he tries to look at it, a silent breath has to escape his lips, or else he feels like he's going to collapse onto the floor.

he developed a habit of speed walking past the final portrait in the hallway after fathers passing, he could never look at his face again after having to watch the life slowly fade away from his eyes. he can't even look at a photograph of his father anymore without wanting to throw up everywhere.

when chenle makes it to the library, having walked very fast past the last painting in the hallway, he pushes open the doors immediately, wanting so badly to escape the suffocating hallway.

when chenle does make it into the room, he's quick to close the door behind him, but he startles when he notices that someone else is in the room. he blinks and narrows his eyes at the figure in the room, then, he relaxes as he quickly realizes who it is.

it's you.

chenle feels himself calm in just the slightest upon knowing it's you in the room and not some other staff member. it's not that chenle has anything against the other staff, it's just.. it's different with you.

how many times does his mind have to conjure that up as an excuse?

chenle ignores the reprimanding voice, it's one he vaguely recognizes, it's not his voice, it's a distant voice that he thinks he could recognize if he focused hard enough.

but he can't, because you notice him, seemingly reading his thoughts as you turn back to make eye contact with the crown prince. "hi".

"hi" chenle replies easily, it's awkward, of course it's awkward, it's the middle of the night. his eyes dart away from yours, immediately scouring the library. you allow for yourself to snicker at his lack of attention on you, and he notices, now staring dead at you. "what?"

"nothing nothing" you mutter, dismissing it with a wave of your hand. chenle wants to ask about it, but he doesn't, just looks down at the floor. "how was it?"

"huh?"

"the book" you clarify, glancing down at the copy of frenchman's creek chenle has in his hands. chenle quickly feels his face heat up, of course you were referring to the book, what else would you be talking about? the air in the room? his walk down the halls? how he's doing? you patiently wait for his answer, flipping through a book in your hands as you let out a sigh.

"oh uh— it's a surprise, that's for sure, i didn't expect to enjoy it as much as i did, i didn't enjoy the ending, though".

you raise an eyebrow, but a smile comes to your face. "why not?"

chenle finally unfreezes and steps closer to you, the book tucked in his arms as he stands beside you, your shoulders lightly brushing against each other. your eyes finally gaze over at his, and when the two of you make eye contact, it's brief. chenle blinks, and he allows for his lips to turn up, he thinks you look very pretty in this moment, the lighting of the library emphasizing your features.

beautiful, he's beautiful, chenle, a voice sings in his head, a voice which is, again, familiar, but he can't exactly determine who it is.

"i wanted dona and jean to get their happy ending, i was rooting for them".

you hum, seemingly expecting that answer, your eyes shift towards the shelf before you, focused on the books which litter it. "well, i like to think it's realistic, it's not often that people get their happy endings, even if they do deserve it".

chenle takes in your words, it seems like such a you thing to say. "i would've preferred if they did have a happy ending, though, it's why i read fiction in the first place".

"you read fiction because..?"

"it's like an escape from reality".

the words make you pause, and for a second, chenle thinks he must've said something wrong, he can't read the look on your face. he blinks up at you, your silence taking him off guard. "i mean, i guess that makes sense".

you seem to want to say something else, you seem to have a lot of thoughts on your mind, but you don't disclose any of them, just smile. "so, did you like the book?..your highness".

you hesitated before saying it, and chenle knows you wanted to say his name, but you stopped yourself, as always. he feels his gut curl in an uncomfortable way, and he clears his throat.

"y/n?"

"yes?"

chenle takes a deep breath. "were friends" he states immediately, and he notices the way you begin to avoid his eyes, looking everywhere but at him. "were friends, we've known each other since we were seven, you can call me by my name".

the truthful statement makes you pause, and you begin to scour your mind for excuses. "i can't call you by your name, your a noble and i'm a—"

"that's an order".

your mouth closes immediately, you can't argue with that, you can't really argue with anything chenle says. chenle seems pleased by his victory, a small smile showing on his face. you quickly scoff, turning your head away from your childhood friend. "of course you can just do that".

"i just.. it doesn't matter if you work here, your my friend, you can call me by my name".

"alright then, your— chenle, did you like the book?"

chenle chuckles lightly, oh he loves the way you say his name. he remembers when you were younger, you'd always pronounce his name wrong, it frustrated you so much that you would just call him 'le' instead of his full name.

"i did, it was an enjoyable book, the plot made me crave more, i just.. i can't believe it ended like that".

"your still mad about it?"

"yes i'm mad about it! i need my happy ending for my pirate love story!"

you giggle at his words, you giggle, chenle can't believe it. he just made you giggle, in the dead of night, in the palace library, he made you giggle. you take the book away from his hands, placing it back between the other books in the romance section. "sadly, most love stories don't end that way".

chenle sighs, clicking his tongue. "i hate when that happens, i'd like to have just a little hope that true love actually works in the end.."

you chuckle again, shaking your head. "i never thought you'd be a fan of happy endings and stuff like that".

chenle raises an eyebrow, puzzled by the words. "why's that?" he asks, sounding just the slightest bit offended at the statement. you blink, and he guesses that you notice his tone of offense. you find it humorous, and chenle furrows his eyebrows this time.

"i don't know, i guess you struck me as the kind of person who'd enjoy bittersweet endings, you know, you seem to enjoy tragic love stories".

"i do enjoy tragic love stories" chenle makes sure to emphasize his point, and he quickly looks away from you. "but i also like when they have good endings, sometimes, love stories need their happy endings".

"that's cute" you comment, and chenle allows for a smile to come to his face. you didn't call him cute, per se, but it's still enough to make his cheeks go red. he should not be flustered, that's ridiculous, that's— he can't be flustered.

you don't mind his silence, instead walking over to another shelf to see what other books are there. chenle pokes his tongue against his inner cheek, watching you intently. the red dusting his cheeks doesn't go away, it just seems to amplify as you have your back towards him. "it's cute?"

"yeah, i can see where you're coming from, not all love stories need to be.. realistic, if it makes you feel better when the lovers have a happy ending, than who am i to judge?"

chenle rocks back and forth on his heels, letting out a small hum at your words. "so you're the kind of guy who enjoys tragic love stories with horrible endings?"

"on most occasions, yes".

you seem to finally find a book that you'll enjoy, because you pick one from the shelf and turn back to chenle. "so how are you feeling?"

"what?"

you merely glance at chenle, than glance back down at the book in your hands and read the synopsis on the back of it. "how are you feeling these days? you have a lot of new things being stacked on you now, you must be stressed out".

chenle allows for his jaw to drop in just the slightest, it's not like people don't ask him about how he feels, it's that he can't believe you noticed the mini battle he was having with himself. he can't believe you would even be concerned about how he was feeling, he felt like most people wouldn't care about what he was going through anyway.

"oh it's.." chenle pauses, truly not being able to actual formulate coherent words. "well it's a lot, but nothing i haven't been taught how to handle by father".

your face forms into an unreadable expression, one chenle hates because he doesn't exactly know what kind of expression it is. "they prepare you for things like this?"

"well.. mostly, but even with all the excessive lessons, it all kinds of goes to my head and makes my head spin, sometimes it feels like the palace is suffocating me, taking the air out of my lungs and leaving me helpless, sometimes— i don't know, i feel like i'm being swallowed by some horrible force which just wants to make me suffer, i'm not sure why i feel like this really but—"

chenle stops, clearing his throat as he quickly averts his gaze from yours. he has no idea where that vomit of words came from, but he feels if he continues talking, he's going to say something that he'll regret. you don't answer immediately, so chenle decides to speak up once again. "i'm sorry, i have no idea where that came from it's just.. i don't know, pretend i didn't say anything".

"don't apologize, it's good to talk about things like that once in a while, bottling everything up will just overwhelm you even more".

"it's just, i don't talk to people about things like this".

"why not?"

chenle shrugs, not really sure how to answer that question. "i feel they're sort of..unnecessary, i know i can't control how i feel but my feelings have never really felt important in most situations".

"they're important to me".

the words make chenle pause, his ears reddening and a sputter in his voice as he tries his best to respond to that statement. the words are so simple, but they have such a lasting effect on the crown prince that he can't really respond to them. you care, you care, he cares! that one inner voice screams in his head. he feels his heart begin beating sporadically, it's.. god he's so grateful for you. "oh.. uh, really?"

you smile, chuckling softly. "yeah they are, you shouldn't ever feel like they aren't".

chenle feels his stomach flip, you're so sweet. "i.. thank you, y/n".

chenle hopes you don't notice his red face as you spend the rest of the night conversing about several kinds of literature.

"ARE YOU NERVOUS?" CHENLE MAKES THE MISTAKE OF taking a weary breath when that question is asked. he hears the chuckle of amusement sound from his fiancée's lips, and he allows for a small smile to show on his face. "no" he responds, clearly lying, but yinuo doesn't seem to catch it, as he begins to pick at the fabric of her dress. he turns to her, noticing the clear anxiety she displays.

"i am" she responds, putting on her gloves and rubbing a scar on her knuckles. "i've never really been a big fan of.. crowds" she states, her tone exhibiting disgust as she says the word 'crowds'. chenle has been able to pick up on her habits pretty easily, he has spent much more time with her these days after all.

chenle hums at the response, he gets it, even as he grew up having to get used to these kinds of events, it never got easier. the pit in his stomach would often never cease, that nauseating feeling only heightened, and he could just barely mask the anxious expression on his face. "i get that, they're all too loud".

"i mean, do they really care about us that much? they can't just wait until the wedding.."

the sentence makes chenle snicker as he notices the mere irritation in her tone. "they all just want something to do, i guess" he mutters, pulling his sleeve over his wrist and repeating a reassuring mantra in his head.

it's nothing you haven't done before, chenle, just get it over with, and you'll be fine. chenle thinks if he focuses enough, he can hear his father's voice repeating the mantra to him in his head.

he caresses his wrist lightly, settling in the air of the room. he can hear the faint sound of people cheering outside, and just the sound is enough to make his stomach begin flipping, the anxiety is already heightening. "all that just to see us?"

"they want to see how in love we can look".

"seems unnecessary".

"it is unnecessary".

chenle laughs again, finally walking over to his fiancée and linking their arms together. he sighs, looking down at the floor. "you sure you're not nervous?" she asks once again, raising a curious eyebrow as she notices chenle's change in behavior.

"okay maybe i am a little nervous but that's besides the point".

yinuo laughs, humored by chenle's blatant honesty. he simply gives a small smile, turning to the door of the room and letting out another small breath. they have to face a crowd, a crowd of people who are here to see them and celebrate their totally real love, a crowd who are there to watch as they are confirmed future husband and wife, they're going to get married and have children that go on to take the throne, they have to look in love, they have to.. act in love.

chenle doesn't know how in love he can look, he might get too overwhelmed and throw up right then and there. just the idea of having to do all of this is enough to make him want to cry, and he never thought he'd ever think that, because he doesn't cry, he shouldn't cry, father taught him that enough through ear shattering yells and broken glass.

he hates feeling vulnerable, but in a moment like this, having to mask his feelings in front of a crowd of people who don't know any better, who probably don't care, vulnerability is his one true feeling.

he closes his eyes, taking another deep breath as he tries his best to ignore the anxiety settling upon him.

"chenle!"

chenle snaps out his anxious daze at the shout of his name, recognizing the voice as kun, who he remembers he forgot to greet this morning, as he was in a rush.

but it's not just kun, it's also you, and chenle almost falls to the floor and dies right then and there. kun has his fingers wrapped around your wrist, there's a smile on his face (and yours, chenle thinks your smile is so so pretty). "oh, hi kun, y/n".

look at both of them, chenle, not just y/n.

but for once, chenle doesn't listen to the reprimanding voice in his head.

he doesn't even check how in love with you he must look, just a few seconds ago he was freaking out over how he was supposed to look in love with the woman beside him, but he has no problem looking in love with you.

but he doesn't exactly realize that, too busy admiring you clear as day.

"i— we just wanted to wish you good luck" kun nudges you lightly, and you let out a small laugh as you look away nervously, a red hue tinting your cheeks as you avoid chenle's eyes. "both of you, your highness" he adds, bowing lightly at yinuo and nudging you so you can do the same.

yinuo just smiles, lightly laughing, but chenle is stuck in place, mesmerized by you and.. just you. "thank you, i have to say, everyone here is insanely sweet, i feel welcome".

"well that's my job, i can't have any future queens feeling uncomfortable".

the statement from kun makes you snort, and you shove him in the shoulder. you look away from him to glance at chenle, who is still lost in his mind, you furrow your eyebrows as you watch the cogs in his brains turn, what is he thinking so hard about?

"chenle" you call out.

seemingly snapping out of the trip inside of his mind, chenle looks up at you, hoping it isn't obvious that he's affected by your soft calling of his name. "good luck" you reiterate, a small whisper seemingly shared between only the two of you.

chenle feels his face heat up immediately, eyes widening at the sight of your pretty smile. "thank you, both of you, thank you".

chenle doesn't look over at yinuo when she gives him a weird look.

"right! again, good luck! y/n and i have to go do something right y/n?"

you seem to be puzzled by that comment, chenle determines that by the way your eyebrows furrow. "what? but i thought we were supposed to—"

"alright! good luck you two come on y/n let's go!" kun gives a quick smile and grabs your wrist again to drag you away from the newly engaged couple, who watch as you two make your way down the hall towards another part of the palace.

"weird.." chenle mutters.

"so what was that?" yinuo is quick to ask, making chenle snap his head towards her, clearly not expecting for her to ask him a question.

"what was what?"

"that, chenle" she reiterates, alluding to the little (not so little) lovesick gaze chenle had trained on you for that whole interaction. it's clear that, even with how chenle didn't check the adoration he was staring at you with, she definitely did. "you looked so smitten".

chenle allows for his expression to form into one of shock, what does she mean by that? what the fuck does she mean by that? that makes no sense, it's not like he's in love with you or anything, that would be absurd! that would be—

that wouldn't be entirely out of the picture, think about yourself chenle, the most shocking thing here would be you having no romantic feelings for him.

chenle is about to punch himself in the face for having such thoughts.

"i have no idea what your talking about".

"chenle, i know i don't know you personally like that, but i have never seen you look at someone like you look at him! what is his name? y/n? he has to have you under a spell or something, you were mesmerized".

chenle wants to say that those words are stupid, he wants to spit out some quick rebuttal and have them be on their way, but he can't muster up a coherent excuse for what she just described. how is he supposed to argue with that?

"well, y/n does know how to keep people on the hook".

"seems you enjoy being kept on the hook".

the statement makes chenle pause, and he feels his face burn once again, not at the words, but just at the thought of you, god he misses your presence already, is that weird to say? he's glad he doesn't say it out loud.

"it doesn't matter anyway, what am i supposed to do? tell him about it? not with how everything is turning out.. were getting married in a few months".

"but you're not in love with me" yinuo replies, she's sure of her words, she just knows, chenle almost feels like she's reading his mind. "you want him".

"i can't have him" chenle states as if it's a matter of fact, and it's true, he can't have you. it makes his heart hurt, the idea that even with how much he feels for you, how different it is with you, and how he's had these indescribable feelings for you since he was like eleven, he can't have you.

chenle can't run from his fate, the last thing he wants to do is break the rules, challenge a system that's been in place for pretty much decades at this point.

"you're not going to break the rules for true love?"

chenle just lets a disappointed sigh escape his lips, his stomach flips uncomfortably and he feels his head begin spinning, this topic makes him want to die in the worst way possible. "true love doesn't exist" he states rather harshly. god, he sounds like father, if seven year old chenle heard himself now, he'd grimace at the words and scowl at his new nature.

his heart aches as he utters those words, he can't help but think about you as he says those words.

good god, he feels so helpless.

"MOTHER, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?" NINE YEAR OLD CHENLE liked to ask questions. chenle has always liked to ask questions, being curious is in his nature, it's just that unlike jisung, he's less annoying about it. when this question popped into his nine year old brain, he knew there was no way he could ever ask father about it, he'd never be able to come back from it. mother has always been much more understanding, even with the stubborn statements she often spouted.

"yes you can, chenle".

"are.. well, can a noble and a commoner ever end up together?"

the question received silence from his mother, who, though she had previously been humming to a pleasant tune, seemed to freeze at even the idea of that question. the nine year old prince watched as his mother's face did at least seven expression changes in a matter of seconds. "could you elaborate on that question, dear?"

"can royalty marry non-royalty? could i ever be with someone who isn't royal like me?"

the reason nine year old chenle was so interested in asking this question was because of something kun had mentioned to him, about one of his cousins marrying into a royal family far far away. it got his mind turning in ways only a child's mind can, he never knew that could happen, he had grown to think that he would just end up with any other princess but could he really have a different fate? could he really change his future?

seeing as how things have gone now.. no, he couldn't.

"it depends on how it goes down, chenle".

"has it ever happened before?"

"of course it has happened" his mother finally answered, and the curious young prince allowed for his eyes to widen comically. oh he was so interested now. "in most scenarios when it does happen the commoner becomes a royal".

"i thought that was outlawed".

that statement got a laugh out of his mother, which made the nine year old blink dumbly. "it can't be outlawed, chenle, that would be ridiculous".

"so could i be with someone of a different class?"

"well, it depends on how it all works out".

chenle blinked again, the wording of the sentence confusing the young prince even more. "would father ever approve of something like that?"

she then went silent again, turning away from chenle to gaze at the bright blue sky. "i'm.. not sure, you know how unpredictable he is".

"well that's why i didn't ask him this".

another chuckle sounded from his mother, and at nine years old, chenle didn't know what was more shocking, knowing that he could possibly not have to be forced into a marriage with a princess from a faraway kingdom, or knowing that his mother didn't really have an issue with that.

too bad he didn't try to use any of that childlike courage to get his point about this marriage across.

when the little parade celebrating his marriage is over, chenle finds himself immediately on his way somewhere. he doesn't know exactly where he was going, his feet seem to have control over themselves, and he can't exactly stop himself from walking.

oh, he knows where he's going.

his feet lead him to a familiar place, your office. throughout that whole.. gathering thing or whatever, he couldn't stop thinking about you. he usually can't stop thinking about you these days, just talking to you is enough to entertain his mind for weeks, surely that can't be normal, right?

"y/n?"

chenle's sudden call startles you, seeing as how you jump from your previous position at the sound of it. he just sort of stands there awkwardly, allowing for you to compose yourself as you smile at him. oh you're smile is so pretty, chenle could stare at it for hours. "oh lord, you scared me! your highness".

chenle doesn't even register the title, just gives a small smile. "sorry i'm just.." he pauses, trying to collect his words. "i don't know, actually, i just kind of came here on a whim" he shrugs, looking down at the floor and not straight at you.

you simply let out a silent chuckle, turning back to your desk and going back to packing. chenle blinks, biting down on his bottom lip as he clears his throat. "oh really? is something bothering you?"

chenle allows for himself to look up again, your back is turned now anyway, so you can't see his rapidly reddening face. "a lot is bothering me, really, it feels like i can't do anything these days without feeling like the world is slowly tearing me apart limb by limb".

"well that's certainly a way to explain your feelings" chenle can't tell how you feel about the whole thing from the tone of your voice, it's something that makes him worry, because he's anxious your making fun of him and he won't be able to tell.

much to his own surprise, you turn around and step towards him. "are you feeling alright? like— physically at least?" you ask, tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him. just your eyes on him is enough to have chenle's stomach doing cartwheels, he hopes you don't notice how flustered he is, that would be extremely embarrassing.

"yeah i'm not dying or anything i'm just.. i'm overwhelmed".

well you'd expect that from someone like chenle, someone in such a position of power. chenle is a crown prince set to be king, he's getting married in a few months (that fact makes your heart hurt for a reason you can't explain), he's the next ruler of the zhong dynasty, of course he is feeling overwhelmed.

"ah well that's expected" you laugh lightly. "you have no symptoms though?"

is my clearly reddening face a symptom? my fluttering stomach? my seemingly labored breathing? why can't you tell i'm madly in love with you yet!?

the screaming voice in his head is just as annoyed as chenle is at his current circumstances. you narrow your eyes as you stare at him, and for a moment, chenle thinks you might be reading his mind, but he quickly dismisses such thoughts because that's ridiculous.

"no, no symptoms, i'm alright".

you seem to want to ask for more reassurance, but you don't, instead shutting your mouth and smiling at chenle. "good, i can't have you dying".

"you'd never let me die".

"you're right about that".

chenle looks down at the floor, determined to not make eye contact with you. "where are you heading?"

chenle only realizes then that you're packing your stuff, he didn't even note it down when he stepped into the room and saw that you were doing it, he was much more focused on just beginning a conversation with you, he was much more focused on talking than observing.

you hum, giving him a mere glance then looking back down to the small set of items you were packing. "i'm going to visit my mother".

chenle blinks, the words coming as a small surprise to him. "why? is she alright?"

you quickly glance back up to give him a reassuring smile. "just doing a routine check up, and it's nice to visit your mother once in a while, i need to make sure she's doing well".

chenle responds with a small 'ah', watching as you continue to pack, he feels his stomach churn uncomfortably once again, if he stays in this castle any longer, he might die from the walls which seem to slowly be pushing the air out of his lungs.

"can i come?"

chenle has no idea where that came from, it's like he had no control over his own thoughts or words, he blurted that out in a moment of vulnerability, a moment of.. wanting. he can't stay here any longer, he might die. you now fully look at him and furrow your eyebrows, clearly as puzzled as chenle is by the words. "what?" you chuckle lightly, and chenle feels his face burn immediately.

"i'm sorry, i don't even know where that came from i'll g—"

"no no you can.." you pause for a moment, collecting your words. "you can tag along if you want to i just— i don't know, you can leave the castle?"

"well yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to take me with you i don't even know why i asked that in the first place".

"chenle" you say softly, and just you saying his name like that has chenle's knees feeling weak. how did he deny his feelings for you for so long when you have him feeling like this? he's almost positive you can notice how flustered he is now. "if you want to come visit her with me, you can".

chenle stares at you for what seems like years (in his eyes), contemplating whether he should take your offer. your basically holding your hand out to him, begging for him to take it, for him to intertwine his fingers with yours. how could he ever turn down such a proposition?

"i— okay".

"okay? so you'll accompany me?"

"yeah, yes yes! i will" he replies much too enthusiastically for his own liking, you seem to catch on, as you laugh at his sudden shout. if your laugh wasn't so pretty chenle would've immediately turned away and replied with some snappy rebuttal.

"nice" you whisper, finally finishing your packing. chenle watches you intently, he can't exactly speak at the moment. luckily, you speak up once again. "we have to do something, though".

"what?"

you catch chenle's puzzled expression, and you laugh once again. "a disguise, just so you don't cause an uproar while we go visit my mother".

for the first time this whole entire day, chenle lets out a small laugh, amused by the words which escape your lips. "were gonna sneak around?"

you snicker, looking down at the floor. oh you're adorable, chenle shouts it out in his head, he can't tell you face to face so he'll shout it there.

"yeah, guess you could say that".

though he's just the slightest bit skeptical, chenle trusts you, and a smile crosses his face.

CHENLE DIDN'T REALLY THINK HE'D HAVE as much fun as he does sneaking into the village with you. well it's not really sneaking, you live here, you've grown up here, you just had to put him in some totally not suspicious cloak so that he doesn't draw attention when you make it outside of the castle. he almost fell on his face when you dragged him out of the palace gates, because of the way you dragged him, and because you started holding his hand.

chenle feels like a girl obsessing over a boy crush, just you holding his hand is enough to make him begin overthinking the whole thing in his head. according to you, you had to hold his hand to make things seem more natural, but he suspects that you're lying because of how red your face is as you try to avoid eye contact with him.

chenle has only really been to the village a few times in his whole life, though he's had his fair share of experiences here as a child, he never got to stop and observe his surroundings, much too busy trying to settle his anxiety while watching all of the people in the crowd burn holes into his head with their stares.

chenle has always been fascinated by the lives of others, whether it be the stories kun told of the urban legends village kids would spread, or the many times he begged the staff to take him on carriage rides throughout the kingdom as a child. he likes seeing situations through other people's eyes, the life of citizens who don't live as royalty seems like nothing far from the fictional stories he reads in the books in the library.

"you almost pulled off my arm, that was totally suspicious!" chenle whisper-yells, but it's not a shout of seriousness, it's playful, the beginning of a banter.

"oh i'm sorry your highness! do you need medical attention?"

chenle feigns an offensive gasp at the sarcastic comment from you, which results in nothing but a snicker from you as you nudge him with your shoulder. he caresses the back of your hand with his thumb unconsciously, ignoring his clearly heating cheeks as he performs the action.

"do you still live in the same place you grew up?"

"hm? oh yeah, we could never really afford to get another place, it's become a super comforting place for me.."

"ah, i see".

chenle admires your face for much longer than he was supposed to, and if you notice, you don't seem to care enough to comment on it.

chenle allows for his eyes to roam freely around the expanse of a town. it's a pretty place, even with how tiny it seems, he feels much more relaxed here than in the large palace he grew to know as a home, the palace was really in the middle of nowhere, no fellow citizens around for him to make connections with or whatever. this town is the clear definition of community, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone.

"oh y/n! y/n!"

chenle startles from his thoughts when a shout rings in his ears, you snap your head towards the figure, a figure chenle can tell you recognize because you give them a smile, he opts to stay silent in this interaction. "hi tao, how is ying doing?"

the man smiles brightly at you, pulling you into an abrupt hug, making your fingers slip from chenle's. you squeak as he squeezes you in his arm, but you manage a smile, resisting the urge to glare at chenle as he silently snickers at your suffering. "she's recovering well! thank you so much, i don't know how i could ever repay you!"

"there's no need to" you smile softly again, finally able to remove yourself from his crushing grip, you rub your aching arm and awkwardly chuckle. "i just enjoy helping others, i'm glad she's feeling better, tell her i said hi".

"will do! thank you so much!"

the guy gives one last smack on your shoulder before walking off, and chenle has to resist the urge to laugh loudly as you wince from the strong grip who had been squeezing you to death with that hug.

"are you enjoying my misery, your highness?"

chenle can barely contain his laugh as he looks over at you, being met with your deadpanned gaze. he looks down at the floor to stop his giggling, making you frown. "no, it was just too hilarious not to laugh at".

"uh huh, you're sooo funny".

though you were clearly irritated by chenle's laughing fit, you only softly smiled at him trying to hide his laughter. you reach over to take his hand once again, just playfully glaring at him. "yeah continue laughing at my suffering, we still have to make it to my mother's house".

chenle, again, gets jolted forward by a strong tug on his hand, but he doesn't say anything more, just snickers as he sees the pure dedication in your eyes. he smiles as he sees the look in your eye, you're just so adorable.

when you abruptly stop, chenle bumps into you, and your fingers slip from his, an action which makes him frown in just the slightest. he likes holding your hand, he has no idea why, but he does.

you begin digging through your bag for your house key, and chenle simply watches, listening to you hum the tune of a song, one you always hum the tune to whenever you find yourself bored. "here" you whisper, victorious in your search for your keys. you quickly unlock the door and gesture for chenle to follow you in with nothing but the tilt of your head, he silently steps into your childhood home, a comforting feeling in the air as he closes the door behind him.

while you drop your bag onto a nearby table and begin looking through it again, chenle slowly removes the cloak he had been wearing as he observes his surroundings.

the place is nice, small, but nice. it has a comfortable sort of air that makes chenle want to immediately relax, it's not the fanciest place, or the biggest place, but it's a home, a comfortable, quiet home. chenle would love to live here, maybe in another life, a life where he doesn't end up born into a highly respected royal family, he just gets to live like this, it's a place that seems to bring a feeling of solace.

chenle glances over at you, your eyebrows furrowed as you continue going through your bag. you seem to sense his eyes, because you glance up at him and you meet his eyes. you blink, then glance over at a door across the room. "you can go see her if you want".

chenle awkwardly chuckles as he glances at the door your eyes were on, he then glances back at you. "i— can you come with me?"

chenle just wants to stay around you.

you stare puzzled for a moment, but you don't question it, you leave your bag alone and gesture for chenle to follow you to your mother's room. chenle stays silent the whole way there, noticing the way your mood changes as you step closer to the door.

you knock on the door. "mom?"

when you open the door, you peak your head through, a small chuckle escaping your lips as you hear her say something. "yes yes i know, i'll remember to tell her, i brought a guest".

chenle slowly peaks from behind you, giving your mother a small smile. "hello" he greets softly.

your mother gasps, sitting up in her bed. "zhong chenle?"

chenle lightly chuckles, looking down at the floor, you nudge him with your shoulder. "oh my goodness, you've grown so much! come here give me a hug!"

chenle is almost surprised, he was afraid she was going to have a bad reaction to his presence, but she was much more excited to see him than he thought she would be. you push chenle into her room, motioning for him to fulfill your mothers wish.

she quickly wrapped her arms around him when he got close enough to her. her hugs are still as warm as he remembers, he almost wants to hug her forever and never let go. "how are things going these days? i wanted to go to that little parade of yours but y/n forbid me from doing so!"

"because you were vomiting all morning, i wasn't going to risk it".

she pulls away from the hug to grab both of chenle's hand, smiling softly at him. the smile reminiscent of the smiles she would share with him in the hallways of the palace when she used to work there. "you always worry so much" she raises an eyebrow at you before turning back to chenle. "how have you been these days?"

chenle smiles at her, noticing you leave the room, but too focused on answering the question from your mother to follow you. "i've been good, just a little stressed from everything happening lately".

her eyes widen again, and she nods excessively. "right! your getting married soon! how are you feeling about the whole thing?"

chenle's face falls just a little bit, but he quickly reverts back to a smile, not wanting to worry her with a random frown crossing his face. "it's all.. new, it'll take some time to get used to but i know i can get through it".

the older woman smiles at him, seemingly liking those words. "that's good, i'm glad you're still friends with y/n, he missed you".

chenle blinks, the words surprising him. "he missed me?"

your mother chuckles at the question. "yes he did, i remember watching the two of you run around the castle together as children, i was afraid the friendship wouldn't last, when i first resigned, y/n said he feared you two would drift apart".

chenle almost gasps at the information he receives. were you really worried about that? for the longest time he felt like such a bad friend because he began having no time for you as the two of you grew up, yeah that's what happens as people get older but he'd always see the flash of disappointment in your eyes when he had to be dragged away for another stupid royal meeting.

"i didn't know he felt that way, it's getting much more difficult to get him alone with everything going on".

"i heard you two are beginning to talk more, he always comes to me so giddy about it these days".

chenle is again surprised by the information he hears, a small laugh of disbelief escapes his lips at the words. "really?"

"yeah, he came freaking out over you two talking about books, books! you make him so happy, chenle".

the words strike chenle like a slap in the face, it's just so shocking to him he stands with his mouth agape for much longer than he'd like to admit. his face burns at the fact, at the idea that pops into his brain.

the idea that you might feel the same.. that you might reciprocate his feelings.

he swears smoke is going to begin pouring out of his ears from how heated his face has become.

"i'm glad i could do that, y/n is truly a blessing, i don't know what i'd do without him".

chenle thinks those must've been his truest words today, a look into what's really going on in his head, a look into how he really feels.

god it's always with you isn't it?

"it was nice seeing you again, mrs. l/n, i'm glad your recovering well".

at the word 'recovering', the older woman suddenly tenses, an anxious look in her eye as she looks away from the crown prince. "right, yes, thank you for visiting, chenle, it was nice seeing you too".

chenle smiles at your mother, nodding. "i'll leave you be now".

chenle slips his hands from hers, smiling one more time before leaving her room, gently closing the door behind him. he turns around and looks over at you, your still rummaging through your back, but chenle can tell you aren't looking for something, you seem to be trying to distract yourself.

"y/n?" chenle calls out, seemingly against his own will, because he's surprised by the sound of his own voice. you simply hum in response, not wanting to look him in the eye for some unknown reason. he quickly makes his way over to you, standing beside you and accidentally bumping your shoulders.

"is she really sick? i mean she looks fine! much finer than any sick people i've seen—"

"it's her kidneys".

you cut into chenle's sentence with a shaky tone of voice, you look over at chenle, sighing as you see the confusion cross his face. "her kidneys are failing, chenle".

chenle feels his heart drop upon hearing that, and you look away as you see his reaction to the news. "what? but how did that even happen—"

you let out a distressed sigh, gritting your teeth and closing your eyes. "she contracted lupus, right before she took that break back a few years ago, she recovered and we thought everything was fine but then she started vomiting every other day and i couldn't figure out what was wrong so we went to a doctor outside of the kingdom and.."

you look like you're about to cry, and you take in a deep breath to blink away the oncoming tears, but you persist, not wanting to break down in front of the crown prince. "she got diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, by that point she had been suffering from it for a whole five months! and what can i do? it's.."

incurable.

the word simmers into the air, it's unsaid, but both of you know what's truly going on. your both silent, none of you saying a word as silence quickly takes over the room. chenle finally takes the initiative and glances over at you, the tears brimming in your eyes threatening to fall at any moment.

still, you don't allow for yourself to become vulnerable in front of chenle, wiping the tears that haven't fallen from your eyes. "it's a lot to try and digest at once i'm just.. i'm not ready to see her go".

chenle gets it, anyone would get it, he stays silent, afraid of not being able to do the comforting as well as you do. "i'm sorry".

"there's no need to apologize, i mean— this is just how life works!"

"i hate that it works that way" chenle responds, fathers dying eyes flash in his mind, and he bites into his bottom lip so hard that it begins bleeding. god, he hates that memory, father only passed away no less than a year ago, and the image of his lifeless face still haunts chenle in his nightmares.

"yeah, but what can i do?" your clearly trying to be positive, but it's difficult for you to. "i'm just worried that one day i'll come home and she'll be gone.. i already had to go through it with dad and now— i don't know how i'll deal with it".

chenle stares at you, a small smile comes to your face as you glance back at him. chenle wants to cry just seeing you try to hold back your own tears, so he looks away from you quickly.

he then looks back at you, moving closer to you and taking your hand. "if you ever need someone to talk to, to vent to, to— yell and cry at.. i'm here".

you chuckle at the words, tears again welling up in your eyes. chenle feels you squeeze his hand, and he smiles softly at the sight of you. "really? you'll listen to my stupid ramblings?"

"yeah" chenle responds, nodding a little bit too enthusiastically, but he doesn't care. "i will, your feelings are just as important as mine, and you're my friend, it's what friends do".

you squeeze his hand, laughing softly again as you let a small tear slip down your face. "thank you, chenle".

"it's no problem, y/n".

CHENLE IS GENUINELY GOING INSANE, AND ITS ALL because of you. he can't focus on anything but you, and it's literally driving him crazy. he has never, never in his 21 years of living on this earth ever felt so much for just one person, what is it with you? he can't even think about you without his face turning a bright shade of red, his palms easily get sweaty and his words become nothing but a jumbled mess.

chenle finds it hilarious, how he was raised to be poised and proper, never swear, never talk when you don't have to, never interrupt others, sit like this sit like that, speak like this, speak like that, but right now, he's acting like a psycho more than anything.

he's pacing around his room like he just lost his mind or something, completely distracted from everything else as his mind is focused on you and you only.

he must look crazy, hair messy, clothes in disarray, pacing back and forth as he tries to figure out if feeling like this is normal, or even allowed here.

"chenle? could you explain to me why your mother wants— oh dear".

kun walks in midway through chenle's strange breakdown thingy, and the younger isn't even paying attention to him because he's screaming into the pillow on his king sized bed. the older watches in concern, and the breath chenle lets out is a mix of weary and frustrated. "chenle? what's wrong?"

kun drops the clipboard he'd previously been holding to rush over to the younger's side, if he focuses hard enough, he swears he can see tears welling up in chenle's eyes. "chenle.."

chenle sniffles, looking down at the pillow in his lap. "i'm in love with him, kun".

kun blinks, dumbfounded. "with who?"

"with y/n! i can't— oh my god i'm so stupid!" the crown prince grabs his pillow again and lets out a well needed scream of agony, a scream that makes kun sigh as he stares at the sight before him. "i don't get it! why does he make me feel like this!? everything is so complicated and i can't even do anything about it because i get married in two months—!"

"okay okay, calm down" kun is quick to cut in, pressing a quick thumb to his cheek to wipe away the tears. "take a deep breath, talk coherently".

chenle sniffles again, taking in another breath and then exhaling, collecting himself as he tries his best to think coherently. "i don't know, kun, it's all getting to my head, i want him so bad yet i can't have him".

and just the fact makes chenle stomach drop, he wants to start sobbing once again, but he contains his tears. "it's stupid i know—"

"it's not stupid, chenle, it's totally fine to have complicated feelings about things, and people, but you'll never have closure if you don't tell him how you feel".

"but what's the point, kun?" chenle doesn't see why it would matter anyway, what would you even do when he told you how he felt? would you grimace and push him away? would you accept his confession? what would you do? it's all he can think about. "what difference does it make?"

"it gets the pressure off your back.. and, if it's any consolation for you, both you and y/n can finally come to terms with your feelings".

chenle's eyes widen at the words, they settle a new emotion on him he can't exactly explain. "what the hell do you mean by that?"

"language, your highness" kun jokingly reprimands, his tone reminiscent of his mothers scoldings whenever chenle would mess up the garden of roses on occasions. "y/n might've.. told me some things, but you'll have to ask him about that".

"that isn't fair!"

"it is! you have to ask him yourself, it's the only way to get yourself in order!"

chenle deadpans at his older friend, but kun just snickers at his expression, lightly shoving his shoulder. "don't look at me like that, you know i'm right".

chenle would roll his eyes, but kun does have a point. "maybe i'll listen to you.."

"you should".

chenle has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at that response too.

CHENLE THINKS YOU LOOK EXCEPTIONALLY PRETTY when you read. it's not that you're not usually exceptionally pretty, it's just that he enjoys admiring your profile as you read, eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowed, lips occasionally parting in shock, he could stare for hours. he might look creepy on a few certain occasions, but you rarely ever notice.

chenle doesn't know how many times the two of you have been up together late in the night, just sitting in the library talking about literature. he doesn't even remember what your talking about most of the time, but he loves talking to you about bullshit pertaining to the books your both into.

for the both of you, books are sort of an escape in a way. chenle enjoys indulging himself in worlds of fiction to distract himself from his mess of a life, and you enjoy indulging yourself in messy love stories with terrible endings to distract yourself from your own issues in life.

it's all truly a coping mechanism for you two.

you both are a coping mechanism for each other, chenle finds it all simpler around you, and you feel as if you don't have to be so professional around him anymore.

chenle doesn't sleep much these days, but that's because he's spending most of his nights in the library with you. he likes listening to you talk, the way you simply piece together your words is amazing.

"and it was so sad! i cried my eyes out for weeks after reading that!"

chenle snickers at your whining, and you caress the material of the book in your hands. "i mean.. the book is literally called, they both die in the end".

"i know! i know! but that doesn't mean it's still not sad" you frown, recalling the ending of the book you were rambling about.

you quickly stop your pouting and make your way over to another part of the library, the section including romance books. chenle doesn't follow you, but his eyes surely do, he makes sure to keep them trained on you, as if you'd disappear if he even looked away from you for just a moment.

"do you want any more recommendations? or..?"

"oh, no no no" chenle shakes his head. "i just—" he pauses, having no idea how to say the words without sounding like some weirdo who totally has a crush on you.

well he is a weirdo who totally has a crush on you, how hypocritical.

"i like listening to you talk".

you blink at his words, noticeably flustered at the way they came out. chenle takes your silence as you judging him, so he's quick to chuckle awkwardly and begin waving dismissing hands. "i didn't mean to say that i know it was weird and stuff—!"

"no no! it wasn't weird i'm just.. i'm not used to being told things like that, you're so unique with your words and i never know how to respond to them".

"oh.."

"yeah".

you click your tongue, and chenle simply stares. oh you affect him so much without doing anything, what is up with you? his ears are burning, he might collapse at the very moment.

what was that kun said again? you'll never get any closure if you don't just tell him how you feel. yeah, he isn't sure if he'll be able to do it.

"can i show you something?"

chenle's breath hitches against his will, he has no idea why he's nervous, why the hell is he nervous? it's just you, it's you, his friend since he was a child, his oldest friend, you probably know him better than he thinks you do.

you wouldn't do anything bad.

"is it terrible?" he raises an eyebrow, and you laugh. your laughter is pretty, so pretty. "well? is it?"

"no, just come here" you beckon chenle over to you with your hand, a hand he almost shies away from, but he can't shy away from you, so he steps closer, following you. he feels like a mind controlled puppet, your a magnet attracting him closer and closer until he presses into you.

you smile as you see chenle in your peripheral vision, your fiddling with something in your fingers. chenle furrows his eyebrows, having no idea what it is, he tries to look over your shoulder, but you quickly block his eyesight, much to his own dismay. "why are you hiding?"

"i'm not hiding! be patient, your highness".

your teasing tone of voice doesn't make it past chenle, but he doesn't stay anything, just keeps his mouth shut. you hum as you turn back to chenle, still fiddling with your fingers as you smile at the crown prince, who is puzzled by what you're doing exactly.

you then open your palm, extending it forward towards chenle, and his eyes widen at what he sees.

"what is..?"

"we— um.. remember that friendship bracelet i made for you when we were ten? the one you broke?"

chenle laughs lightly, his face burning. "yes i remember.."

"well, i kept mine, and because were.. you know, friends again, i remade it for you, if you want it of course!"

chenle stares at you, then he stares at the bracelet in your hand, and he can't resist the urge to smile. you're absolutely adorable, sweet, chenle really really really likes you. his silence makes you anxious, and you want to begin picking your fingers until they bleed.

chenle must realize it, because he immediately laughs, a hearty laugh, a lovely laugh. "y/n, i love it, it's so.. cute i can't— how long did it take you to make this?"

"well i was thinking about it for a while and i just barely finished this last night i just.. i don't know, i missed you, a lot" you say, your words a vomit of adoration, oh you're so adorable. "it was a brash decision really".

"you're so—"—cute—"sweet, really".

you again step closer to chenle, silently asking to have his wrist with the extension of your hand. he doesn't even think before placing his hand into yours, allowing for you to slip the bracelet onto his wrist. it fits perfectly. of course it does, chenle can barely stifle his giggle.

he feels so giddy.

you don't let go of his hand, and chenle doesn't move his hand either. he stares at the indirect act of affection, his hand gently placed upon your palm, a palm that you aren't moving. what are you two doing? what the hell is going on?

"y/n" chenle calls out, his voice barely elevated as he avoids eye contact with you. "what is.. what are we doing?"

"i don't know" you mutter, blinking. you don't even think before taking your free hand and intertwining it with chenle's other free hand, now your holding both of his hands, an action that has chenle's face reddening to amazing heights. "your hands are warm".

chenle simply looks away, basking in the feeling of your fingers laced with his. he likes holding your hand, it just feels right, your fingers intertwined with his, your hands placed on his.

"yours are cold".

the words are nothing but your observations of each other whispered into the air. it's a strangely intimate moment, you two are just staring at each other in the library, your short breaths can be heard in the silence of the huge room around you.

you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, then stare at chenle's. chenle blinks, he sees you, he sees what you're doing, but it doesn't seem like you're trying to be slick, you don't care, you are unashamed in your decision.

he isn't really sure how to feel about that.

you lean closer, much closer than chenle thinks he could ever handle. you give a small smile, and chenle wants to faint. he's holding your hands, your leaning close to him, and you look you want to kiss him.

and he wants to kiss you.

oh he wants to do it so bad.

"may i?" you ask, but you aren't looking chenle in the eyes, your staring directly at his lips. chenle almost chokes on his spit, are you really asking him if you can kiss him? do you really like him as much as he likes you? is he dreaming?

he stares like an idiot for so long that he almost looks frozen.

chenle nods wordlessly, but that's not good enough of an answer for you.

"verbal consent, chenle".

chenle wants to pull you into a kiss by force right now.

"yes! yes, you may".

you note his enthusiasm, enthusiasm that makes his face redden, he looks away from you, clearly embarrassed.

you chuckle silently, letting go of his left hand to take his jaw and turn him back towards you. then, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.

it's short, sweet, and ends in pretty much two seconds.

your cheeks are dusted red, and you immediately look away from chenle upon finishing your action. "that was stupid, right? i'm sorry! i don't know why i did that i jus—"

chenle doesn't let you finish, he grabs the back of your neck and smashes your lips together. you let out a small squeak of surprise, clearly not expecting the action, but you quickly relax into the kiss, sighing softly as you let an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him closer with your hand on his back.

it's.. nice, it feels right, chenle is relaxed. his heart isn't pounding uncomfortably, he doesn't feel that anxious pit in his stomach, his chest isn't tight, he feels like he can breath (ironic, really), and he doesn't want to burst into tears at his circumstances.

he feels good, he feels content.

god, it's always with you isn't it?

"wait wait, hold on" you pull away for air, pressing your forehead against chenle's as you gather your words. you chuckle awkwardly, looking down at the floor instead of at the crown prince in front of you. "sorry, i don't know how to feel about this".

chenle blinks up at you, and all you can see are his pretty eyes staring at you. you fumble through your speech, trying your best to be coherent even with the way he was staring. "i'm just.. i don't know, i have to check up on my heart levels and shit—"

chenle gasps loudly. "language, y/nie".

"you can't just say that after you literally took away my breath you.." you stop in your speech, snickering at the way you're acting, the red on your cheeks doesn't disappear, but chenle thinks he likes it that way.

"y/n" you look up as chenle calls your name again, now completely focused on him. "i.. i don't really know how to say this but i— i like you, okay? like a lot, not even just that i'm in love with you! it's.. complicated".

wow, so much for a smooth confession, chenle.

chenle narrows his eyes at the voice in his mind, it sounds like.. you?

you freeze at the confession, your whole body paralyzed as you try your best to process the words in your head.

"oh".

chenle can't tell how you feel by your tone of voice, but to him, it doesn't sound good.

CHENLE USED TO BE AFRAID OF ASKING HIS FATHER certain questions. he was unpredictable in the sense that chenle never knew how he'd react if he asked him a question as simple as what 1+1 was. when father was alive, chenle feared him, not because he was physically violent or anything, but because he was intimidating. the air temperature would lower whenever he stepped into the room, and the way his voice boomed when he talked was enough to have chenle shivering for weeks.

"father, may i ask you a question?"

"is it a stupid question?"

at thirteen years old, chenle was still as fearful of his father as he was back when he was seven, and he almost wanted to cry the moment his father responded to his question with another question. he swallowed his own spit, a feeling of anxiety immediately settling onto him. "well— i'm not sure.."

his fathers shoulders relaxed, and he hummed. "what is it, chenle?"

"why do i have to get married?"

the question was much more abrupt than chenle wanted it to be, and he clamped his mouth shut as soon as the words escaped his lips. his father stayed silent at the question, which didn't lessen his worries, it worried him much more than it should've.

his father then chuckled, he chuckled, and chenle almost let out a gasp upon seeing the sight. when was the last time he'd seen that happen? the sight was truly one to behold, he was amused, amused!!

"why are you so curious about that? you're way too young to be interested in stuff like marriage".

"i'm not that interested i just— i heard mother say something about it and i.. i don't know! i just want an answer".

his father turned back to him, an unintelligible expression on his face that chenle still doesn't understand even to this day. "let me ask you a question, chenle, do you want to get married?"

the question struck chenle as odd, but judging by his father's smile in the moment, the question was very much needed. the thirteen year old prince blinked, puzzled, but he didn't let the question linger in the air for too long, afraid of upsetting his father with his silence.

"maybe, in the future, when the time is right, with someone who i like, and know is a good.. person to me".

"person?"

chenle nodded, wordless as he tried his best not to shrink under his father's gaze.

"ah, i see".

chenle had no idea where he was trying to go with that question and statement.

"what kind of person?"

chenle was once again speechless at the question, he allowed for his eyes to roam around the room as he scoured his brain for an answer to his father's question. then, he spotted his answer, it was you, giggling with kun about a dumb joke as your mother rummaged through her work bag for something.

you caught his eye in the moment, smiling the sight of him as you waved, mouthing a small hi from where you were across the room.

chenle giggled at the sight, waving as well as he returned your greeting.

unfortunately for him, father noticed everything.

"oh? someone like y/n?"

chenle immediately snapped his head towards his father, beginning to sputter at the assertion from him. "y/n? what do you mean by that?"

his father merely glanced over at you, his lips unconsciously quirking up into a smile. "you seem to like y/n, the two of you are friends right?"

"yes, yeah we are".

"huh" his father clicked his tongue. "if you ever do get to decide who you want to marry in the future, let it be someone like him".

chenle choked on his spit, he had no idea how to respond to that. the words have stuck with him forever, even after father's death, even after his marriage to yinuo was confirmed, the words ring in his head whenever chenle does as much as look at you anymore.

it's been a week, a week, a whole entire seven days, and you have been avoiding chenle like the plague. literally. you see him in the halls and make a break for the nearest door, you catch his eyes randomly and you immediately look away. you don't smile, you don't stop to make small talk, you just turn your back and run away.

did he do something wrong? did you really not return his feelings? (no! that can't be true! why would you kiss him back if you didn't feel at least something for him?). chenle has no idea why you're suddenly avoiding him, but you are, and he has to figure out why.

so, when chenle finishes having a totally fun conversation with his mother, he makes a beeline towards your office, he knows your there, because you aren't anywhere else during the day usually. you don't visit your mother on tuesdays, chenle knows that very well.

he stops in front of the door of your office, a sudden anxious feeling taking over him. he raises his fist to knock, but then lets it fall, he instead turns the knob and opens the door to your office.

you don't perk up immediately at the sound of the door opening, mainly because your back is turned and your focused on cleaning up a rubbing alcohol spill. chenle doesn't say anything, the silence in the room practically swallowing him whole.

you still don't look back, simply humming. "did you leave something here, kun? are you going to nag me about cuts again?"

chenle keeps silent.

when you finally do turn back to look at chenle, expecting kun, you pause, an unreadable expression crossing your face. you clear your throat, smiling awkwardly as you tucked your hair behind your ear. "hi, your highness".

chenle's jaw clenches, what's with the sudden switch up? why aren't you calling him by his name anymore?

"hi, y/n".

another uncomfortable silence takes over the room, and chenle wants to die in that very moment. there's no playful banter, there's no snickering, you two aren't talking, this is one of the strangest things to ever happen to the both of you in your whole entire friendship.

you two always talk, even if it's just small talk, this random silence makes chenle anxious.

"did i do something wrong?"

judging by your reaction, that wasn't the question to ask. you simply chuckle, going back over to the spilled rubbing alcohol and finishing up with your business. "no".

"so what happened?"

"nothing happened".

"it doesn't seem that way, you've been avoiding me ever since.." chenle looks down at the floor, picking at his nails as he tries not to stare at you. "you know".

you hum, finally turning back to chenle again with the intention of making eye contact. chenle looks over at you, but not directly in your eyes, just at your face. "we can't, chenle".

"what?"

"we can't be.. we just can't, chenle".

chenle's eyebrows furrow. "you could at least elaborate on that".

"you know what i'm talking about, chenle" you grit your teeth, but you aren't frustrated by chenle, no, you seem frustrated by yourself. "you're getting married soon and i'm.. i'm nothing like you, this isn't right—"

"what makes you think that?" chenle cuts in, what is wrong with you? what the hell is wrong with you? is that really what you think? he's about to kill you. "are you embarrassed?"

"embarrassed? what? no! no! i'm literally the one who offered to kiss you i just.." you cover your face with your hand, letting a distressed groan escape your lips. "i don't want to be the reason everything goes wrong for you".

"is that really how you feel? is that really how you think i feel..?"

"chenle" you begin softly, your tone of voice making chenle's stomach flip. you close your eyes and clasping your own hands together. "i do like you too, i— love you, even, but we just can't be together".

oh. that's what it's about.

chenle sucks in a breath, he wants to shout at you, not because your making him mad, but because your right, and he knows it. he wants— no, he needs to break something, throw something against the wall in frustration, break a glass window. just anything to keep himself from having a full on mental breakdown from your very words.

"of course you would say that".

you scoff at his petty tone, but you sound more disappointed than frustrated. "your acting like i'm doing this on purpose, if things were different then maybe—"

"why can't we make it work now? huh? why does it have to be if things were different?"

"because you're getting married chenle! you— you're going to become king and i don't want to hold this over your head".

"you're so.. stupid! how is that all you've gotten from this situation?" now chenle is getting desperate, he wants you to change your mind, even if he knows it's unlikely that will actually ever happen. "you're not holding anything over my head and you're not going to make anything go wrong, i don't get it!"

"i'm being realistic.."

"how is that realistic?"

"because it's better than potentially losing my job! chenle! i have to take care of my mother, i can't afford to risk my position because someone thinks you're cheating on your fiancée with me".

your words sting, but they don't sting chenle, they sting you. your chest hurts, so you simply shake your head, sighing in defeat. your arms drop to your side and you turn away from chenle, gritting your teeth.

all chenle can do is give you a look of sympathy. "y/n—"

"chenle, leave it alone" you snap, yet you don't come off as annoyed, more upset. "i'd prefer if you'd leave".

you really just need to think, you just need to peacefully gather your thoughts without chenle in the room.

chenle wants to argue with you, to walk forward and take you by your arm, to grab you by your face and kiss you senselessly whilst telling you that he doesn't care about what anyone thinks.

but chenle obeys your wish, turning around and leaving the room.

KUN KNOWS CHENLE ALL TOO WELL AT THIS point that the younger is convinced that he's a mind reader. from his narrowed eyes to his silent snickers, he can always tell what chenle's feeling before chenle himself even does. back when they were younger, chenle assumed kun had to be some sort of supernatural being, possessing some kind of telepathic power or something, but as he's grown up, he realizes the older is just that observent.

case in point: chenle's current attitude.

"why do you keep sulking? they teach you not to do that at like.. age ten?"

kun's comment doesn't receive it's usual rebuttal from chenle, it simply gets silence, silence that kun hums at. he resists the urge to roll his eyes, standing beside the stubborn crown prince. "okay, tell me what happened".

"what?"

"there's no use in pretending that you don't know what i'm talking about, chenle, what happened?"

kun has always been assertive in this sense, chenle finds his power to be absolutely shocking. maybe, in another universe, their roles are reversed, kun would make a better ruler than chenle ever could anyway.

"i'm an idiot, kun".

the statement results in kun letting out a strange sound, a sound of complete confusion. he then raises an eyebrow, one that makes chenle want to dig a hole and die in it forever. "what is that supposed to mean?"

chenle scowls, covering his face with his hands as he resists the urge to claw his own eyes out. he lets out a groan as your face flashes in his mind, oh he is so stupid, why couldn't he just be fearless? why does he have to be such a coward?

why couldn't he be brave for you?

"i— god, i confessed to y/n but i even managed to mess that up and now we're on bad terms.."

kun goes through seven expression changes as he processes the information. "what? what are you saying?"

"he just told me the situation like how it is" he grits his teeth, looking away from the older. "we can't be together no matter how much we want to, i'm getting married and he can't risk losing his job and.. i have to go through with the marriage".

"who says that?"

"my mother, kun" chenle sighs, feeling as if he just got punched in the gut. "i don't want to put too much on her shoulders, a marriage like this has been planned for me for who knows how long and she's clearly not her best considering father didn't pass that long ago and.." a groan leaves his lips, a sour taste in his mouth. "this will make her happy, i just want her to be happy".

kun stares in silence, clicking his tongue. "have you ever tried to prioritize your happiness?"

chenle sighs. "we're not starting this again kun—"

"no, we are going to start this again, you have to think about if you're happy before ever going through with a marriage, marriage is a legally binding thing! you're gonna be in a union with this woman until you die! are you really happy with that?"

chenle opens his mouth to speak again, but it falls shut. he can't really respond to that. 

all of his life he grew to believe that he'd eventually get used to arranged marriages and the idea of having to warm up to his partner. all royalty have to do it, it's just apart of the process. heck, chenle is the result of an arranged marriage himself, why would he ever challenge it when it was always the most likely outcome?

it's different because it's you. chenle can't possibly think about going through this marriage at all now that he's realized how he truly feels for you, it's not right, he shouldn't, he can't.

you're a terrible liar, chenle. at the end of the day, you will go through with this marriage, it's all too risky to not.

"i.. no, i'm not" chenle finally responds, his voice a mix of disgusted and frustrated. "i just— i always thought it was supposed to be this way, i don't want to just.. do it differently".

"well why not?"

"because this is for the good of my future, for yinuo, for my mother, to test if i can live up to the ruler my father was".

chenle bites his inner cheek, suddenly feeling nauseous. he closes his eyes, not wanting to face kun's gaze.

the older simply sighs. "i can't make you do anything you don't want to, chenle, but don't make a decision you know is going to leave you unhappy, i'd hate for you to be stuck in an uncomfortable position for the rest of your life".

and with that, kun turns and walks out of the room. chenle doesn't open his eyes until he knows kun has left the room.

the words ring in his head all day.

WHEN CHENLE WAS ELEVEN, YOU TAUGHT HIM about the several constellations that appear in the night sky. you taught him their names, how they form, what they represented, and your thoughts on them. you always had a thing for those luminous balls of gas in the sky, something about them always left you so intrigued, waiting for the next time they would show up so you could drag chenle out in the middle of the night to see them with you.

tonight, andromeda is in the sky.

it's never been a favorite of yours, more one of chenle's favorites, but he knows you'll be outside, staring at the aligned stars in the sky. he takes kun's words into account, and wishes his mother a good night before turning on his heel to make his way towards a familiar place of comfort.

the rose garden, of course.

the best thing about the rose garden is that it has the cool glass roof you can see the sky through. it was an addition that was only made a few years ago, one last hurrah for mrs. qian before her eventual retirement.

chenle spent a lot of time reading about constellations, all the information he learned he would relay to you. he loved seeing how interested you were in the information you already didn't know, your eyes would widen comically and then they would light up.

constellations have always been special to me, you told chenle once. they remind me of dad, he's the one who taught me about them, i like to think that he's now become apart of cygnus.

chenle was surprised by your way of grieving, but he couldn't exactly blame you. you liked to think your father became one with the stars, and you'd always be especially excited when cygnus appeared in the sky.

when chenle steps into the rose garden, he isn't surprised to see you already there, lips parted in surprise as you stare up at the sky through the glass rooftop. you don't notice him immediately, but when you do, you smile. "hi".

chenle bites down on his bottom lip, but he steps forward anyway. "hi".

you put your head down, then turn to chenle with an unreadable expression on your face. "i missed you".

chenle allows for himself to lightly chuckle at the fact. "you're the one whose been ignoring me all this time".

your shoulder slump, a small sigh leaving your lips as you rock back and forth on your heels. "i do realize that was pretty.. rude of me, i just needed time to think, i was probably going to have a breakdown if i didn't collect my thoughts".

chenle nods, pressing his lips together in a thin line. an uncomfortable silence passes through the air in the room, and you glance up again to examine andromeda once again.

"i'm sorry".

you snap your head over at chenle. "for what?"

"for yelling, and for calling you stupid" chenle looks away from you, ashamed of himself. "you were just being realistic and i was.. i wasn't thinking clearly, like an idiot".

"don't say that" your voice is so soft, it probably feels like clouds. "i get where you're coming from, just saying those words made me sick.." you pinch the bridge of her nose, and chenle can't stop his head from turning so that he can stare at you. oh your side profile is so pretty, chenle could admire it for hours. "i'm sorry, chenle, you probably felt like your feelings didn't matter in the moment and that was so terrible of me to do, romantic feelings or not, you're my friend, and i care about how you feel, i shouldn't have dismissed you like that".

chenle can't resist the urge to smile, his lips turn up much too quickly, but of course they do, because it's you, it's always with you. chenle has never felt such a way for another human being in his life, but he guesses your whole relationship must've been planned by the universe or something.

"you're so.. stupid" chenle reiterates, but it's said much more affectionately than the last time. "you have always considered my feelings, you are literally one of the sweetest people i know, don't apologize for thinking about yourself for once, your job is much more important than our.. relationship thing".

you pause at the words, shaking your head as a small snicker falls from your lips. "i love you, chenle".

oh.

if chenle didn't have any self control, he would've done a trust fall right then and there. he wants to faint onto the floor and never get up. hearing the words from you makes him exceptionally giddy, you make him happy, you make him so happy, oh chenle is so glad to have you in his life.

happy ending or not, at least he finally knows what you feel for him.

"i love you too" he whispers, his voice getting stuck in his throat, the shock doesn't wear off that quickly, unfortunately. you reach over for his hands, intertwining your fingers with his. it feels so right, chenle could just be like this forever, and everything would be fine.

as long as he's with you, everything will be fine.

you hum at the response, a red color dusting your cheeks. you could just barely stifle your giggle, and it's simply amazing to chenle. you're just as giddy about him as he is about you.

oh chenle loves you so much.

you look up at the sky once again, eyes lighting up at the sight of the aligned stars. "andromeda has always been your favorite, right?"

chenle wants to faint, you remembered. "yeah".

you smile, your smile is beautiful.

you're a desperate man, zhong chenle.

he can't exactly disagree with that.

"you have good taste".

"you flatter me too much".

you finally looks back down, snickering as you squeeze chenle's hands. you lean forward and press a kiss to chenle's lips, it's simply a peck, but chenle loves it. "you deserve it".

chenle wants to squeal like a teenage girl with a crush, you're so cute, you're so adorable, he loves you, he loves you so much.

maybe you can't make it work now, not in this universe at least, but there could be another universe, another timeline where it does work, where it doesn't have to end like this.

chenle is upset it can't be this universe, but this is just how life works. knowing that he can't change his fate, knowing that he will go through with this marriage, knowing that he probably has no true shot with you is all upsetting, but he'll learn how to deal with it, at least you're still by his side.

at least your still in his life, he's grateful for that.

and when he sees you giggle once again, his heart warms. as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

[danikamariewrites]

I searched for Feysand x reader all over tumblr and you were one of the top creators so I looked around and fell into the rabbit hole of masterlists… I’ve been on your page for hours now and i’m not tired at all.

And I saw your request were open and i’m so happy bc I wanted to ask if i could request feysand x reader where feyre and reader are pregnant at the same time. Like we all know how protective rhys was in the books, now imagine two mates at the same time. Like his instincts wouldn’t let anyone too close to them bc his mates are in vulnerable situations. Maybe someone like Beron or Tamlin jokes around and Rhys doesn’t handle it well or smth plssss🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Double Trouble

Feysand x reader

A/n: omg thank you 😭😭 I get nervous that I write too much and that ppl will get sick of me lol. So thank you for reading my fics 💕

Warnings: Tamlin being a douche

Rhys has been more paranoid since you and Feyre both started showing. The revelation of both you being pregnant excited and frightened him at the same time. Causing his over protective mate instincts to kick in. The two of you had tried to get him to rest knowing he had a High Lords meeting coming. But the stubborn male insisted he was fine.

A few times when you got up to pee in the middle of the night - a new routine thanks to your pregnancy - you found Rhys wide awake. He would watch over you and Feyre like a hawk until he fell asleep sitting up.

Yesterday Rhys had insisted he could skip the meeting and just stay with the two of you. It was a day long battle for a compromise. “Rhysand. We will be fine here with Amren watching over us and Nyx.” Feyre said sternly as Rhys came to tell you he changed his mind about your plans, again.

He shook his head vehemently, “Nope. I need to be here.” You rubbed at the bridge of your nose, squeezing your eyes shut and willing your mate to go away. “What will it take to get you to go to this meeting?” You sighed out.

Feyre perked up, wiggling her fingers, “Oh, I have an idea! What if we come with you. Helion can have a room for us, Cass, Az, and Mor will be there, it’ll be so easy.”

You could tell Rhys was considering it from the pensive look on his face. And he didn’t immediately shut Feyre down.

He nodded, mumbling out ‘I’ll think about it’ before heading back to his office.

You shoot Feyre a knowing look, “You just want those bonbons Helion gets.” “Yes! I’ve been craving them for months. And I want them fresh, not in a box.”

Snuggling up next to your mate on the couch you place a hand on her bump. Feyre does the same to you, resting her forehead against yours. “I don’t blame you,” you giggle out, “I’m happy I get to experience this with you Fey. Even if Rhys is being a mother hen.” She lightly pecked your lips. “Me too y/n/n. I love you”

———

Thankfully Rhys had agreed to you two coming along to the Day Court and you’d spend the night. Winnowing took a lot of energy from you and Feyre, so Rhys was adamant about you two resting as much as possible.

Before leaving you all gave Nyx hugs and kisses. He would stay with Elain and Nesta while you were gone. He hated when you left but enjoyed his time with Aunty Lain.

Winnowing to the Day palace Helion was waiting to greet you. “You’re the first to arrive.” He said cheerfully. The two High Lords shook hands as Helion guided your little group inside. Cassian offered his arm to Feyre while Az offered you his.

“I set up a very comfortable room for you two to relax in. No meeting for you, I’m sure there’s enough stressful things around you these days.” He says, eyeing Rhys. “Thank you Helion.” You say sweetly. “And you got our snack requests?” Feyre asks.

Helion throws his head back, laughing at her blunt question. “Of course I did. You’ll find you are well stocked on any foods your hearts desire.” You and Feyre smile at each other knowing you’re about to have the best snack and relax sesh.

You walked Rhys to the meeting room, like you promised, before leaving him. He takes one of your hands in his, giving you both a loving look. “Do you need anything? What can I do for you before everyone gets here?” “Nothing my love.” Feyre says softly. You bring a hand up to caress his cheek, “We’re just fine baby. You focus, do your thing and help Prythian, yeah?”

He gives you and Feyre a quick kiss before Helion’s personal guard escorts you to your rooms.

Opening the door your senses are overwhelmed by the scent of the sweet treats spread out for you. You and Feyre look at each other licking your lips in excitement. You wasted no time sprawling out on the lounges, digging into whatever was in arms reach.

Hours later Rhys, Cass, Az, and Mor joined you. Rhys was overjoyed to see you two after being separated. “You should’ve seen him when Kal asked where you were. He snarled.” Cassian teases as Rhys nudges his way to sit between you and Feyre. “I did not.”

Mor rushed over to you, lightly placing a hand on each of your bellies. “How are both Mor juniors doing.” You giggle at the blonde, “They have been perfect little angels.”

“No discomfort, extreme fatigue, or -“ “Rhys, we were fine.” Feyre cuts him off. He seems to relax at that. The tension in his shoulders loosening as he bats Mor away so he can feel the babes kick. Rhys lets out a breathy laugh as little feet push against his palms. “Hi angels, did you miss daddy?” Two more kicks in response.

The babes love the sound of Rhys’s voice. Like with Nyx, he talks to them every night. It doesn’t matter if you and Feyre are awake or asleep, he will always make time for the babes.

“Don’t forget,” Azriel speaks up from his spot in an armchair. He’s picking at a bowl of chocolates you hadn’t gotten to yet. “We have dinner in about an hour with everyone.” Rhys wasn’t pleased by the reminder. Something tells you that he was never going to tell you and Feyre about dinner.

Feyre stands, pulling you with her. “We will go get ready then.” She says happily.

You exit the bedroom with a few minutes to spare. Feyre chose a glittering black dress that hung off her shoulders. She decided to leave her crown behind for the night, putting her hair half up with small braids meeting in the middle.

You had decided on a midnight blue dress specked with pearls. The flowing fabric on both your dresses not hiding the fact that you’re pregnant. Rhys eyed the two of with lust sparkling in those iridescent violet irises.

He offers you each an arm to walk down to dinner. Rhys walks at slow pace for the two of you. When Feyre noticed she rolled her eyes and you both pulled him along. When the six of you enter the grand dining room you feel eyes on you. Thankfully not autumn ones. Azriel told you Beron and his court left after the meeting was over. Very typical of Beron to come and complain then leave, making no effort to improve court relations.

Viviane and Thesan shriek in excitement at the sight of you. “Congratulations! How did I not know?” She said excitedly. “When are you due?” Thesan asks immediately after her. The pair continue their onslaught of questions as you answered before the next question came up.

Out of the corner of your eye you could see Tamlin tensing. Clearly unhappy about the topic of conversation. Feyre and Rhys caught on to his unhappiness as well. Feyre tried to change the topic, asking Thesan about how things were going with his lover.

Tamlin and Rhys made uncomfortable eye contact. The males looked like they were about to jump across the table at each other. Rhys pulled your chair closer to him so you’d be away from Tamlin. He was across the table diagonal from you. It’s not like you were that close him but if it made Rhys feel better.

“Do you have something you’d like to say, Tamlin?” Rhys snapped. The High Lord of Spring scoffs, a wicked smirk on his face. “Well I just think it quite odd they’re both pregnant. Why on earth would you want two more.”

Everyone stopped speaking, looking anywhere but at them. Even you and Feyre looked at the table. You could tell she was fuming about Tamlin’s joking tone. “Is that an insult about my son? Or perhaps you’re angry about your situation. If you need to talk about it I’m sure you can find someone who will listen.” Rhys gave him a fake smile and went back to his meal.

Conversation slowly started up again. Tamlin excused himself, only saying goodbye to Helion before stepping out into the hallway to winnow home.

Once back in your rooms for the evening Rhys had you and Feyre cuddled up on either side of him. “Thank you for standing up for our family.” Feyre whispered. “I always will darling. You’re the most important people in the whole world to me.”

You let out a yawn and snuggle close to Rhys. “Let’s get some sleep. This little angel is kicking me for some shut eye.” “This one too.” Feyre yawns out. “Awww, I’m sorry I’m keeping your mommy’s up.” Rhys whispers. He kisses both of your bumps as you drift off.

[d34dlysinner]

Mammon is the sweetest devil known in Hell and I will not elaborate further (to avoid spoilers for ppl who haven’t reached Chapter 3 yet)

Can I request a fluff scenario of a very tired MC (Gender Neutral if you want) who has too many devil friends and very little social battery (they like me fr fr) and is very tired by the time they meets up with Mammon again and another scenario where it’s MC who finds a Mammon who missed MC a lot after a day without MC on his side aka these two cuddling and adoring each other on their downtime.

I thank you (in advance) for the meal

Thank you for the asks!! xD

MINORS DNI

When you're drained:

When Mammon sees MC walking to his room there are 2 things he can think off.

1: MC forgot something and came back for it.

2: MC is going to relax in their room.

Based on how drained you looked and how you seemed to almost avoid others around you, he assumed it would be the latter thought that would be correct. He would open the door to your room and watch as you were curled up on your bed.

"Were the others too much for you?", he asked softly. He made his way to your side after closing the door behind him.

He assumed that you said "yes" since it seemed like you didn't have the energy to respond in any way. He sighed as he pushed away the hair from your face and laid down next to you.

He understood that you wanted a break, but he did want to keep you company. He rested with you in silence.

When he missed you:

He was very easy to read as he starts thinking about how he misses you. At times he uses his authority to get you at his side. It can be hectic, but it's fast.

Other times he allows you to do what you want and he'll just be stuck wondering when you will return.

Today, he heard about your arrival in Tartaros. He wasted no time to get alone with you as he picks you up and walks towards his room or office with you in his arms. It can be embarrassing for you since he never stops groping your ass and since you're a grown adult being carried like royalty.

He would either place you on his lap or lie down with you. Kneading his favourite spot on his s/o whenever he can.

He knows that he said that he's yours, but in his mind he hopes that you're his too.

[pumpkinsy0]

sad ponyboy headcanons started to make my brain think.... perfectionist pony and hcs for how the people in his life try and get him to, erm, stop? for lack of a better word

rubbing my hands together like a fly on food for this one

•i feel like ponys not a “oh man i have to make sure EVERYTHING is in its place omg omg i have to follow everything and every rule to a t” kind of perfectionist, but he is a perfectionist in the “im too stubborn to stop here, its not matching what i hoped”

•that thinking however, still does get him to push it onto ppl, its almost like he snaps at ppl over it

•now curlys the EXACT opposite of a perfectionist, w pony around ik ponys kinda tired of having to having to explain himself to curly, but i think this would also lowkey make pony ask himself WHY hes so stubborn w small things, at times

•w ppl like two, soda, and curly, i think just them being around makes pony have to realize that he has to b ok w ppl making “mistakes” around him

•its like he has his moments where hes unknowingly micromanaging them or just judgy on something and hes found that it takes more energy to scold them than it is to just let them do their thing, and instead now he just picks his battles w em, he could use more work but hes gettin there

•it wouldnt surprise me if to an extent pony compares himself to darry academically, i dont think he wants to b LIKE darry, being boy of the year in what not, but to him he knows that darrys put in a lot of work to do what he can and he wants to have that same drive, so he just, compares himself

•soooo for that reason when darry compliments his work, it helps him set a standard for himself, if darry likes it, maybe its not so bad!!! and pony hasnt exactly realized, but soda and darry has talked about pony over working himself, and darrys been more relaxed w the work pony does just so pony doesnt over do himself trying to above and beyond 24/7

•BUT i feel like darry is also a bit of a perfectionist id b a liar if i said that he wasnt, so hes learning right beside pony on how to get better, AND its like they both see each others flaws in being a perfectionist but they dont see their own so theyre basically taking care of each other a lil bit

•id like to think that if ponys working on something, when hes away from it for a while, soda leaves notes on the page and its basically pushing pony to take care of himself until ponys like “ok jesus i guess im taking a break now”

•johhny is (or was lmao) the kinda guy who would just stick beside pony while he was working, he was the only one to do it too, he noticed that while working on his stuff, he would kinda retreat socially, so johnny helps to pull him out of that

[joocomics]

txt thoughts if you're still feeling like it (and if not that is so okay i simply had to get this out)

two words. frat boy taehyun. he holds a special place in my heart as a little post ab him is bookmarked on my laptop and is to this day how i get onto this website (the post has been deleted/archived i fear but i digress)

maybe i just have a crush irl and taehyun is the closest to what they're like but all day every day its just frat boy taehyun in my brain. sitting up there. waiting. (can you tell i have never had more than a surface interaction with a real frat boy and probably never will)

but either i'm projecting my campus crush or he would be SUCH A CUTE FRAT BOY?? like is that possible idk but like he's the golden boy hs class president type and it carries into college. and everyone's like wow he's just great and he's so smart but he's not the most popular one. sure he has his fans and whtv but at the end of the day he has that frat boy charm that fits him in with the rest but not that notorious player energy (does that make any sense? i have no idea

like he'd be good at party games and have fun at parties but probably isn't hooking up with every single person he makes eye contact with. but he's still a frat boy. so like yes there are hookups but like a more so-called reasonable amount? and he isn't like a heartbreaker necessarily but nobody expects anything from him bc he doesn't rly hook up with strangers, kinda like a one-time-fwb thing. generally more relaxed on that side of frat boy culture and everyone picks up on that because he has less hookups than the other frat boys and it "fits" with his other side of being involved in so much outside of the frat. he dds a lot as well i imagine

he's a huge athlete tho i fear very involved in everything. like everybody knows him. literally everybody. but not everybody is aware of how much of a frat boy he is (i guess that's what i mean by him not having such an aggressive red flag energy. like he exists outside of the frat)

very much like friends to lovers vibes because he's just so endearing and your brain's like "we don't trust frat boys" but he's so charming you're just like "well he's just my acquaintance or friend or whatever" and he's been drooling over you this whole time. for him it was love at first sight but he's got the frat boy part of his rep going for him that its like "he cant be trusted" even though logistically he hasn't done anything particularly untrustworthy. and then the flirting hits you all at once one day and its like "oh wait so he wants me?" and then its the confusion of like am i delusional but surprise you're not bc he's not like this really ever (cuz he doesn't hook up w ppl as much and has that bit of reputation)

i so hope this makes sense LOL and if you feel like it i would love to hear your thoughts! like if i'm crazy be so honest i want to craft fratboy taehyun perfectly (can you tell i have never done this before)(ANYWAY I LOVE U AND UR BLOG AND HOPE UR DOING AMAZING!!)

fratboy!taehyun doesn’t make the fact he’s a frat boy his entire personality in contrast to many of his peers in the fraternity! every time he talks to other people they’re always the ones bringing up the topic, most of the time super curious and nosy cause what they’re expecting to hear is parties, sleepless nights that result in embarrassing stories, hookups, rumors and constant bad hangovers, but those are not the things that made taehyun join the brotherhood. yes, he experiences those things alongside his frat friends, because he’s always invited every time, thanks to his easygoing personality and how effortlessly he fits in, but he experiences them a reasonable amount and that fulfills him enough. he’s not greedy nor does he want to get carried away and lose balance over his life outside of the frat

he also gives strong big brother energy. he’s doing so well as a frat boy without leaning into the toxic/chaotic frat boy culture that at one point in time he inevitably gets chosen as a mentor to a new member in the frat. he’d be pretty good with guiding him through the initiation and overall fraternity experience. (maybe that’s how he meets kai??)

fratboy!taehyun who’s an athlete and often gets eyed by different girls from the benches when he’s in the middle of the field; they’re drooling over his figure, all heart eyes because of his charming smile and mellow gaze and once they find out he’s a frat guy they step back with a frown cause, as you said, we don’t trust frat boys. those who give him a chance quickly realise he’s not like the rest though and secretly wonder if there’s something off because he’s too good to be true. usually those girls are the ones he has a temporary thing with, and he always makes sure there are set boundaries and that it’s clear for both parties that there’s no commitment involved…

perhaps he doesn’t realise it at first, but the reason his few situationships have ended is tied to his friendship with you. no girl excites him like you do - with your beauty, but also with your personality and the way you almost challenge him (unintentionally) to prove you that he’s not the frat guy you take him for. he’s the type to chuckle when you raise a brow like “frat boys bring girls flowers?!” after he hands you a bouquet of roses, not huff annoyed or be all smug about it. he likes how when he’s in the middle of practice you’re still actively occupying his mind, and how you have him so addicted that he can’t help but check his phone during parties in case you sent him a message

… of course, the boys who’ve known him since day one, pick up on that unusual behaviour of his and tease him about it, especially yeonjun who immediately catches onto what’s happening, because he’s never seen taehyun, the one who never thirsts openly over girls that attend their parties, the one who never shows signs of having a crush, act like that before…

a/n: first off, good luck with your crush!! (AH i love hearing about people’s crushes *sighs dreamily*) second, you are far from crazy, you’re actually genius for forming those thoughts and super cool for coming here to share them with none other than me! <3

i just now realise that i don’t read fratboy aus a lot so i really hope you enjoy my thoughts! i know i had fun writing them down for sure cause you got me hooked ngl DAMN fratboy taehyun… fratboy txt in general… it’s attractive. feel free to stop by anytime so we can chat more about it if you want LET’S CRAFT THE PERFECT FRATBOY TAE FOR YOU!!! love you too boo and i hope you’re having a great week 🫶🏼

[reilleclan-blog]

I'm rewatching Naruto as that's become a weekly thing I do now, but it's insane how most ppl knew about Sasuke's entire family being murdered by his brother and everyone was basically telling him to "get over it" obviously not exact words but mostly. Sasuke's quest for revenge was so valid it's very obvious how much he felt out of place when it came to the village in the first place.

He had team 7 but the pain of his family being murdered BY HIS BROTHER would still eat away at him. It sucks the way things went down b/c orochimaru was obviously using Sasuke's thirst for power and revenge to manipulate him // Orochimaru was gonna take Sasuke's body by force and Sasuke wouldn't been able to "avenge" but like it's wild. I don't blame Sasuke for WANTING REVENGE OR AT LEAST SOME SORT OF ANSWERS ABOUT WHYY HIS ENTIRE CLAN HAD TO BE MURDERED.

It's like his adolescent self was a walking ghost. Naruto just didn't want Sasuke to be manipulated by Orochimaru, Sakura didn't want that either but I feel like she said some valid shit aside from kakashi just being like "revenge leaves u empty" which yes no shit but like imagine someone just telling u "yeah life sucks oh well find other ppl to fill ur void" when ur ENTIRE FAMILY WAS MURDERED...? And also this why I sorta didn't like Kakashi I feel like he was too relaxed about a lot of shit that was going on with Orochimaru and Sasuke.. but anyways um yeah...

[fob4ever]

pete, patrick & andy on elvis duran 3.24.23

x

one time during a snl performance they were jumping around so much that it shook all the snl sets because they didnt know they were all connected lol

patrick talks about early days fob, how he never expected fob to be anything more than a side project for pete & andy bc they were in bigger bands at the time. he didnt even expect it to last the summer!

andy: “i can see into the future so i knew.”

interview: “[when touring] do you keep away from each other or spend a ton of time together?” andy: “all of that. seriously. we know when to stay away, we still hang out, we go to movies together, we get food together but also have our separate time.”

patrick talks about how it took a while to understand anger/frustration of people in the band “it’s like, ‘is pete mad at me?’ no! he’s frustrated with something.” talks about how theres not a lot of leaving the room and going “what was up with HIM???” anymore. “you know what everybody’s feeling, it’s kind of intuitive now.”

pete likes how genre-less music is nowadays

interviewer asks if pete gets opinions from his kids re: fob music. pete: “they give a lot of feedback, in general. [...] i don't take all of their advice, i don't let them a&r all of the songs, but they're pretty good at it.”

patrick does a johnny carson impression (bc andy quoted a line from a skit.. cute)

patrick talks about feeling like an older brother/”parental” when ppl injure themselves at shows now “i hope they’re okay! don’t break something!”

patrick: “i think i sleep so much less now than i ever used to... with kids, and i'm a little bit of a workaholic so when im not on stage im doing other things. i need to relax a bit i think.”

patrick [on working with neal avron again]: “it's like going back to your childhood home, but now you can drink.”

pete talks about how nihilism can be paralyzing for him, and how he sometimes doesn’t want to do anything because of it, but he feels that “life is short, so you gotta do a lot of stuff, you gotta make friends, do crazy things, make art... you just have to do things, and that’s important.”

patrick: “that was a heavy answer!”

pete: “life lessons are not meant to be [p&p in unison] light...”

interviewer asks how joe is! patrick: “he's good. i talked to him yesterday. i think its tough for him because he knows that he has to do it, but then he also hates not being here. it's difficult for him but he needed it. i think it's great to check in with him because he's just so excited to get back to it.” joe <3

interviewer asks about social media, and how it affects them because their radio station can get a bad tweet/review and it affects them badly, how does fob deal with it?  

patrick: “i left. that's one of the reasons why i left. it just became this wild place for a little while [...] i'm also one of those people [that puts] it all into music, so i can't really communicate through other things."

pete pulls his sleeve down over his hand to sneeze into it. i just thought it was endearing lol

pete is pro-tiktok. he likes that people takes it and makes it their own through remixes/memes 

suddenly! someone’s phone goes off. their ringtone is “fake out”. patrick gets SO excited he cuts the interviewer off mid question- “is that someone’s ringtone?! that makes me so happy! :D” he talks about how he never knows how the new stuff is going to be recieved so hearing it as someone’s ringtone made him super happy :D

AI talk in music (this kills the man --> me)

patrick: "i will say that if a song doesn't go over really well, and it's really hard to sing, i'm like: 'we don't HAAAVE to do that one, right?!'"

patrick: "we made [folie a deux] with neal avron and it was very experimental and we were pushing things and seeing what we could do, but we as a band at that time were very fractured and all over the place... i had this wanderlust to get back in the studio with [neal] now, because we are a such different band of people at this point. we get on so much better, we communicate better- both interpersonally and musically, so i was like, 'i would like to see that again'. [...] andy, you said it was like 'superpowers' we all have superpowers now. so i feel like the sound of this record is really just us actualised as us, at the height of our power.” (they say that last bit together : ) )

pete: “this is a record where we were able to realize that, 'oh! guitars are happening, and there's this fest happening in vegas, mgk, all these things...' and my friend was like, 'you guys should just do swgd part 2!' and i remember thinking, 'we absolutely have to NOT do that.' but we've got to do something that's adjacent, something that reminds everyone of fall out boy and i think with this record we've blended all of the eras of fall out boy together.”

[keysimash]

fuck it. Cringe ass Magolor post from yours truly.

I've wanted to write a proper fic where the tables are turned and instead of Reader petting kitty Magolor, magolor pets and gives physical affection to the reader, but burnout and writers block and embarrassment have mostly stopped me but iys cute and its fluffy and whatever I'm throwing this into the wind, outline and.general thoughts I've had

Cringe incoming

Magolor is always happy to recieve pets from a trusted human with their giant warm hands with long, dextrous fingers that can scritch and pet in ways his own hands cant,

The first time he reciprocates would probably be around 4 - 5 sessions, citing that he "doesn't accept it for free" and that its polite to reciprocate and he wants to look at and examine your weird humanness more closely

OR

if he gets Jealous of His Human coming into his vicinity smelling like Other Fucking Carnivores. Originally in my deleted/reuploaded mag/reader fic this was gonna be a whole thing where the reader was friends with a bunch of Scarfies, and he got PISSED and basically marked the reader by getting super cuddly all of a sudden, the reader doesn't know because humans cant smell like that, and they try to hang out with their Scarfy friends who are like. Staying at least six feet away like "Ummmm. Did you get a boyfriend??? You've got DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH scent all over you lol"

I mean. I've been around mag/reader fics since I was like what, twelve? That sounds right, I dunno I can hardly attach a numerical age to kid memories ANYWAY I've SEEN. how many ppl write him as super possessive and jealous ESP fuckers who are horny for the crowned version you are all sinners none of you are free from sin. This cat is not well adjusted. Anyway

He'd start with your hands, taking them in his gloves, then he'd take his gloves off himself. His hands are smaller under his gloves but still pretty big compared to his own body. Still, though, I think they'd be about the size of a human hand, if Magolor himself is about the size of a backpack, since in official art it seems like his hands are half the size of his body?

I picture them soft and brown, scarred, with squishy pink paw pads on the soft parts of the palm and the last pads on his finger tips. He flexes them, and dark claws come out, relaxes, they retreat: repeat this a few times before he places his gloves neatly somewhere nearby, putting them there without looking or turning, hes already seen the room: hes looking at You, big yellow eyes, glowing a bit. White pupils all wide, taking you all in, making his eyes look lighter.

When he actually starts touching it would be more curious that affectionate, hed definitely be bending fingers and gently moving your elbows, not painful, just Examining, his skeleton is so different after all, and he has no limbs to speak of. he presses deep with his hands until he feels the bones underneath, puts his hands in different spots, on your shoulder, asks you to move and feels the bones move with. Takes a claw and runs it under your fingernail, just barely pressing in, not enough to hurt, just enough tto scrape out any dirt, remarks on how dull your claws are.

The readers own reaction would definitely affect his a lot. He really needs input from others to figure out how to compose himself, a calm and composed yet pleased reaction would fluster him more than anything as he would start to get embarrassed himself doing something so focused on another and yet, he would want praise very badly.

Teasing him would get teasing back:

He would call you silly names making fun of your human features if you teased him lol like "foot-haver" or "magicless loser" etc (he would immediately stop if you seemed actually upset)

but it wouldnt take much to make him into mess ;)

Any flusteredness or embarrassed behavior he will latch onto and tease relentlessly in order to feed his own ego and false confidence, somethin like:

"Hah! You should see your face" "does it feel that good? I havent even done anything yet"

If he gets called out on making petting seem .. less innocent he will accuse you of being the one with a dirty mind lol

The two possibilities here are either his human partner gets more flustered, which might go something like:

he starts purring at the reaction to his own touch, starts running one claw lightly along your arm. Presses up close, close with his head under your chin, purring purring purring, you can feel it and hes like a little furnace. Because he floats he can press his whole weight against a human with little effort, he presses and nuzzles then his hands find the back of your shirt and knead. His face he rubs along your shoulders and neck

OR the tables get turned on the cat egg:

Pointing out his purring, saying something like "you seem excited to do this, dont you? :)" Or commenting on how cute or lovely he is and keeping on doing it, hitting that reward center in his brain so starved for attention -- hed probably make a cute little sound at that -- or if a human touched him and started petting him while he was trying to give affection, that reciprocation would make him pull his scarf down and lick one long stripe up your arm.

I was thinking about Halcandran tongues: carnivores, yes, so barbed like a cats to lick the meat off bones, but: they're not exactly flexible like a cat, they can move but not as freely, they're not exactly egg shaped but still. So grooming would become, either something one did with ones own hands or, a communal activity, social bonding.

He would feel scratchy, his face soft: a lot flatter than a normal cat, he still has a bit of a muzzle but not much. The whiskers tickle, he pauses at the crook of your elbow, looks up at you, licks a few more times, pulls away a bit.

"You taste salty..."

If allowed to continue he certainly will, kneading and laving over the crook of your neck, nibbling curiously at collarbones before nosing into the dips they make under your skin, etc etc. He will examine the shell of your ear with a paw, purring close to it, will lick through your hair if it's short, it would be like fur to him; long hair he would comb through with fingers, hovering around you to nuzzle the back of your neck, purring all the while.

Eventually, he might get to your hands, and he would, well. I should stop before I make a post tha would get me banned from.tumblr, lol.

[donutsupremacy]

Shut up

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Summary

"Your finals are over! To celebrate, you and your friends decide to have a drink and relax at a bar, to chat and catch up with eachother on the lost time spent on studying your lives away. Though, you probably drank more than you did talk and... wait, where did your friends go?... And what is that piece of shit doing here!?"

Warnings/Spoilers:

Modern/College AU

GN!Reader

Kinda NSFW (But not escalating anything more than fantasies, still explicit tho)

Drunk and unhinged reader

Alcohol

Harrassment

Dottore

Blackmailing

Drugs, stalking and non-con r*pe (Mentioned)

Lot and l o t s of swearing

Fluff because I need some in my life

Possessive and jealous Kaeya

Kaeya kinda toxic mean and a lil brat but we love morally grey men who treats other ppl like shit and only treats their [S/O] like a queen uwu

also kaeya is down bad

A/N: I just wanted to make a 'sit on my face' joke for Kaeya

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Your romance starts here

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Another shot down the hatch.

The taste of bitter alcohol flowing down your throat before it settles warmly into your system. You grunted quietly, placing the glass down onto the table as your eyes fluttered.

Your eyes sweep across the bar, vision slightly blurred. You don't recognise any of these people.

This was a shitty decision; Drinking away the remaining stress after your finals? Why were you even celebrating, you don't even know your results yet! You don't even know if you've reached the passsing mark!... Well, the mere thought just got you stressed again.

"...Another one won't hurt..." You quietly mumbled for the umpteenth time, your hand lazily patting the smooth surface of the table in search of the bottle of alcohol. You paused, raising your head as you realized the bottle was gone, the table empty except for the box of napkins and horrendously ugly table decorations.

Right... your friends left and took the bottle with them, some of them got drunk and passed out, forcing the others to help drag them back home. Why did you even reassure that you're fine? How drunk were they to think you would be fine alone without any form of transportation or safety? You're practically wasted, your head swaying and your eyes wincing at particularly bright, your senses were numb.

Luckily, the music wasn't booming so loudly in your ear, it was replaced with jazz music— Something about jazz night. At least it was soft enough to have mercy on your eardrums and brain.

"...I should... call..." You grumble to no one in particular, the lingering taste of bitter alcohol remaining on your taste buds, you slowly fished your phone out of your pocket and decided to call an acquaintance to pick you up. However, your vision remained blurred, unable to unlock your phone as your fingers felt weak and kept sliding across the screen at the wrong time, failing to input the password several times.

"Damn it." You sighed, lazily stuffing your phone back into your pocket in defeat.

No biggie, your campus was only 20 minutes away from the bar. You've gone through the same route every day just to get some coffee at the café across the bar and back to the dorms, you can just... follow the route back to campus.

As much as you'd like another sip, your mind— clinging onto the last bits of your consciousness, tells you that you've been intoxicated enough and should lay off on any drinks, lest you would want to worsen your hangover in the morning. Or end up passing out in the middle of the streets.

Just as you were about to grab your bag and leave, a young man settles right beside your seat. You got a strong whiff of his scent... why did he smell like chemicals and medicine?

"S-Someone's using too much hand sanitizer lately..." You mumbled a little too loudly.

A velvety and slightly deep voice from the man erupts from his throat, followed by a chuckle. "It's not hand sanitizer, sweetheart... It's ethanol." He spoke, his fingers drumming against the table as he subtly scoots closer to you.

You were about to sass back, saying you didn't ask and to fuck off— until you were met with a pair of blood red eyes and baby blue hair.

And you have absolutely no idea who he is. But he's kinda hot.

"Say, sweetheart... you seem to be quite out of it... Low tolerance?" He muses, tone laced with amusement and teasing, an unsettling smirk creeping onto his lips.

"L-Low tolerance my ass!" You hissed, feeling your face grow warm at his remark. God did he remind you of Kaeya. That smug face bastard with a sharp tongue. Hell, your vision was blurry enough that you would've thought that was Kaeya himself— if it weren't for those red eyes reminding you that Kaeya's eyes weren't red, plus his hair was the wrong shade of blue. "Fuck this, I'm leaving."

The stranger sighs, a glass of classic red wine in his hands as he lightly swirls it in small circles, the blood red liquid swaying with each tilt as though to hypnotise you. He turns his body slightly to face you, an elbow resting on the table. "Now, now, sweetheart... You're stumbling and slurring. Just how do you think you'll make it back safely without accidentally tripping over a rock or something and ruining that pretty face of yours?"

You slowly stood up from your seat and stilled, swaying slightly because your mind felt like a bundle of mess and confusion. Your senses and body coordination were numb and delayed, all you could focus on was trying not to pass out as you were getting pissed by the second. Or throw up as your head starts to throb.

Your patience was wearing thin, this guy was only making your headache worse. Is he doing this intentionally? Because if he is, then he's doing a good job provoking you.

"You're better off just sleeping in the bar rather than risk yourself so late at night. A college student, I presume? You wanna get mugged out there cause you're wasted?" The man teased.

You clicked your tongue, groaning as you leaned against the table slightly for leverage. "Man... what do you want?" You weren't in the mood. You're drunk, you're sweaty, you're dizzy, you're tired, you smelled like shit— all you wanted to do was go back home and sleep your intoxication away, let future [Name] deal with this in the morning.

But you were getting harrassed by a random stranger, taking advantage of your drunken self by ticking you off so you would end up tiring yourself by arguing with him. You were far too out of it to register the thought of someone harrassing you, you just thought this guys was pretty annoying.

"Straightforward, that's pretty hot~" The blue haired man chuckles. "My name is Dottore... I'm the doctor from the clinic a few blocks from here. I always see someone with pretty [colour] eyes walk by the window and to the café. And on special occasions, I see them visiting this bar in such gorgeous attire— you seem to match that description."

"Ok, and? There's probably a hundred more people with the same eye colour as me a-and does whatever you just said." You raised a brow, your eyelids growing heavy the more he speaks, struggling to not close your eyes for too long or else you'd likely black out.

"You seem like such a sweet person... how about you and I go grab a drink sometime?" Dottore offers out of the blue, suddenly placing a hand on your waist, elicting a startled yelp from you as he pulls you closer. He forces you to straddle his lap, it was easy since you were losing balance because of the alcohol weakening your strength.

"Or, we could skip straight to the good stuff and head back to my apartment~"

Damn, he was hot admittedly... but there was no way in hell you would agree to sleep with some random doctor you had just met! This guy looks like he's about to be in his 40s!

And you weren't the only one uncomfortable.

Not so far from you was Kaeya, who was quietly drinking his usual alone in a more secluded part of the bar.

He was just observing people the whole time, wanting some alone time for himself after the finals— but also hoping to find some juicy gossip to talk about with his friends. Things were pretty dry lately, and he's gotta keep up his little title as 'The guy with who knows millions of secrets and gossip'. A dumb title, but it's something to be proud of when he can practically blackmail everyone.

Kaeya immediately noticed you and your friends when you came in, but he chose not to single you out as he knew you would both end up arguing, which would probably result in both of you getting kicked out of the bar.

Plus, seeing you drunk was a rare treat. You're like a feisty little chihuahua. A ball of angry cuteness. Seeing you drunkenly slurring your words made you look like such a little defenseless and confused bunny.

It was fun pissing you off, both sober and drunk. It's like angering a kitten; All hiss and no bite, it's just too cute to pass up the opportunity to whisper a snide remark about your grades or give you that little mocking smirk as he eyes you up and down. You're hot when you're angry.

Though, as much as he loves hearing you angrily nag at him, perhaps one day he could hear that voice of yours whimper or moan in pleasure.

It's unfortunate that he couldn't even get the chance to try and tease you before that random doctor appeared.

Kaeya had seen this guy before, having sat near him a couple on times out of coincidence. Like a professional, he instinctively listened in on his conversations with his peers and familiars, or while he was on the phone. Dottore sure loves to boast about successfully 'stealing and combining' valuable DNA from various pretty people and aristocrats visiting his clinic, he was sure this doctor was either a pervert or doing really shady business about 'Spliced DNA'. Probably both.

Despite the distance between the two of you being not too far, he wasn't close enough to hear what he was saying, relying on reading your lips and his.

And Kaeya has to admit— you have really pretty lips...

But what made him lose his cool was seeing the man suddenly placing his hands on you. Not a moment to soon, he slammed his cup down and quickly got up from his seat, the chair scraping against the floor and startling some people nearby. Though, they didn't dare speak up, seeing the scowl on his face and the obvious raging fire in his periwinkle eyes.

All under the guise of a half-assed smile on his face.

"I'm sorry, sir— but I think you have something that belongs to me?" Kaeya spoke in polite and calm tone, a hand fumbling inside his pocket as the other leaned against the table.

Dottore raised a brow and his grin falls, an unamused look plastered on his face. Meanwhile, you stopped struggling, needing a few seconds to stare at Kaeya and mentally register that smug look on his face. Though, you were too wasted to recognise the manacing aura that surrounded him, and the way his eyes— full of fury— bore into Dottore's.

"Oh god, wh-why are you everywhere!?" You hissed, narrowing your eyes into a glare, gritting your teeth.

"I should be asking why you're following me everywhere, kitty." Kaeya teased, emphasising his favorite pet name for you, flashing you a wink and a smirk that made you slur out incomprehensible gibberish in retaliation— though, once his eyes dimmed with irritation upon landing on Dottore again, his lips dropped into a frown.

"Pardon me, you mean them?" Dottore questioned, his tone laced with amusement as he kept one arm wrapped firmly around your waist, the other grabbing his wine cup and taking a slow sip of his drink— almost torturously slow, as though to taunt Kaeya. "Apologies— I don't see your name written anywhere on them."

"Neither do I see yours." Kaeya quips without hesitation.

His hand on the table balls into a fist, it was hard holding himself back from punching this weirdo and dragging you away from him.

"Scram, you fucking kids can't resist being so nosy and pry into someone else's business, can you?" Dottore grumbled, pulling you closer to his chest by your waist. You clicked your tongue, swatting your hand at his chest, it does nothing but annoy Dottore a little.

"You mean your shady ass business about drugging people and splicing DNA with other freaky stuff to sell on the black market?" Kaeya retorted. "And god knows what you've been doing after your clients are unconscious. Those 'sore bodies' and 'wet spots' they wake up with don't seem like mere coincidences to me."

Kaeya's lips curved into a smug grin, taunting and mocking people like Dottore who had no chance for a rebuttal was fun, especially you. But hey, anything to keep you safe.

Dottore slams his cup down onto the table, nudging you off his lap as his hands reaches out to grab Kaeya by the lapels. "Listen here, you fucking brat, I don't know what you've poked your shit covered nose into— but you just drew a target on your head."

"You stay out of my way and keep your mouth shut about my experiments, or I'll be slicing your balls off. Or would you rather have some valuable information of yours on the black market?" Dottore scowls, but that doesn't deter Kaeya's composure.

"H-Hey!... If anyone's gonna kick Kaeya's ass, i-it's gonna be me!" You hissed, disregarding the situation because you're feeling a lot more dazed now that there's a conversation going on.

"Kitty, just sit there and look pretty, M'kay?" Kaeya hummed casually, gripping onto Dottore's wrist as he glared right into his eyes with a sneer. "Sure thing, doc... but lemme remind you; My brother's on duty tonight and he wouldn't mind calling for those big and bulky men, that work for him, on your ass."

"After all... I've already got all the proof I needed." Kaeya adds, pulling out his phone, the screen displaying a recording app that had been recording the whole conversation. He slides a finger across the screen to show a number of recording with 'Creepy doctor' as the titles, he sure had a lot of blackmail material on everyone. "And this conversation isn't the only one." He hums after stuffing it back into his pocket before Dottore could steal it.

"Brat..." Dottore hisses. "Creep." Kaeya retorts.

As much as Dottore would like to rip Kaeya's head off, he knew better than to make a scene in the middle of a bar full of people and risk getting investigated. That would put both his job and experiments on the line.

The doctor begrudgingly lets Kaeya go and leans back on his chair, and it just boosted your blue haired rival's ego even more

Kaeya wraps one arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You froze, his warmth was undeniable comfortable and nice, it was unmistakably Kaeya— and that got you flustered enough to squirm. But Kaeya was more focused on keeping you safe first.

"Well, I'll be taking my leave and my [S/O]." Your blue haired rival hums.

"If I see you again, I'm going to kill you." Dottore threatened, his eyes narrowing with irritation when Kaeya only laughs boldly at his face.

"Only you can hope to be seen anywhere near here again." Kaeya sneers, before dragging you off by the waist.

Just as he predicted, Kaeya tightened his grip around your waist, careful to not hurt you but firm enough to prevent you from wriggling out of his grasp.

"K-Kaeya, jesus christ... do I look l-like some goddamn wooden plank to you!? Let me go!" You barked, slamming your fist against his arm in a pathetic attempt to free yourself.

He chuckles, continuing to walk while dragging you out of the club, waving a lazy hand to his brother— who sent a judgemental look at the blue haired male for handling his own crush improperly. But he returns to his work, Kaeya's shenanigans was not his shenanigans.

"So feisty~ Did you drink a whole wine factory or something?" Kaeya teased, opening the door to his car as he carefully placed you inside. Becore you could even think about lunging at him, he swiftly fastened the seatbelt across your body and closed the door.

"Did you... fight a cat or something? You look like shiiiiiiiit!" You dragged out, leaning your head on the window as Kaeya gets in the driver's seat. He chuckles, locking the doors in case you decide to be drunk and stupid.

[Time skip]

It was a surprisingly quiet car ride back to his place.

He occasionally spares a glance at you, his gaze softening each time when he noticed you're just sleeping peacefully, quiet snores being the only noise from you.

The car reeks of alcohol, but he was used to it since he drinks just as much as you do.

He had his blazer draped over your body, keeping you warm and comfy, you looked adorable when you're unknowingly snuggling into his clothing without realizing you're basically cuddling someone you loathed for the past few years... Did you just sniff his blazer a few times?

Thankfully, his brother wouldn't be back until near midnight. It would be just you and him... just like his perverted little fantasies he had about you.

Though, he was kind of disappointed that you were intoxicated. It'd be so much more fun fucking your brains out until you're reduced into nothing but a blabbering, stupid mess as he pounds into you from behind.

But no, it wouldn't be fair if you weren't aware or able to consent. Plus, his brother would be pissed if he knew Kaeya was taking advantage of someone defenseless.

Maybe next time when you're sober, he muses.

Kaeya tried to carefully carry you out from the car bridal style, so he could bring you inside for a more comfortable bed to rest on.

Unfortunately, you had felt his arm slip underneath your thighs, it jolts you awake. "Oi— Wh-What the fuck!?" You stutter out, trying to shove his face away from you.

He grunts, the downside of you being drunk is that you're also much more irritating than usual. But it's not like he wants to complain, knowing you felt a like a blurry and confused mess. But he'll take care of it, maybe he could get lucky once you've recovered.

Try to squirm out of his grasp as you might, he's way too strong and you're already really dizzy. "Calm down, you don't wanna throw up on this pretty face would you?" Kaeya joked, flashing you a toothy grin.

"Yes, yes I would." You deadpanned. Still sassy even under the influence of alcohol.

"Hey, at least you admit I have a pretty face." Kaeya hums with a shrug, bringing you inside with his blazer still draped over your body.

As he walks up the stairs, he takes his time to tease you to his heart's content, though it starts to backfire when each word he spoke met a snappy comeback from you.

It wasn't until he finally reached his bedroom that you let out an annoyed groan. "O-Oh my god, why are you so f-... fucking annoying!?" You barked angrily, it almost makes him feel bad, perhaps his words were making your head throb. He's seen you cranky a number of times before, but you seemed genuinely pissed off. Perhaps it was the alcohol.

But before he could even apologize, he felt your hands grabbing onto his side of his head. "If you're... not gonna shut up, I-I'mma sit on your face... and make you shut you up." You grumbled, squirming in his arms.

He lets out a startled noise, having to hold your body away a small distance his while still carrying you as you tried to reach for his face in a lazy manner.

Kaeya would've taken up on your offer if he weren't focused on trying to take care of you, he would be lying if he hadn't been dreaming about your thighs crushing his head as he ate you out until you were left trembling and begging him to stop while grabbing a fistful of his blue hair.

But he has to focus on the task at hand. "Alright, kitty. Save that for when you're not looking like a hobo covered in drool." Kaeya spoke with a dry chuckle, gently placying you down on his bed.

It was cute watching you melt as your body hits the soft mattress of his bed, nuzzling your face into the pillow. "Try not to actually puke, kitty. You'd be owing me more than sitting on my face if you left more work for me to handle." Kaeya joked with a quiet chuckle, patting your head as he drags a chair over to the bed.

He sat down, staying silent so he wouldn't disturb you as he waits for you to fall sleep.

"I'mma do... just that." You huffed, even lifting your hand felt tedious. But you couldn't resist flipping Kaeya off with a smug and tired look on your face.

He rolls his eyes, a small grin on his face. "Sure, if that's what you want. You can cockwarm me when you wake up tomorrow, how 'bout that?" Kaeya cooed, his tone lacking sarcasm.

Maybe he was pushing his luck right now... but, hey— he could be a little selfish from time to time, right? After all, he knows you would end up accepting his offer in the end.

"Get some sleep." Kaeya whispers into your ear, his lips grazing against your soft cheek. His gaze softens, running his fingers through your hair, untangling any knots while hoping you would fall asleep soon. "Sweet dreams."

It seems like it was working, he could see your shoulders slowly slump in relaxation and your expression softening. "Night, Kirby..." It was the last thing you slurred out before you ended up getting knocked out cold, the sound of your soft snores filling the room.

"...It's Kaeya, not Kirby." He snorts, shaking his head before turning off the lights.

Kaeya watched as your chest rises and falls with each breath you take, your lips occasionally parting with soft murmurs.

Maybe he'll get some back pain if he sleeps sitting on the chair, but he won't mind it since you look cute sleeping on his bed.

[Time skip]

A soft grumble erupts from your throat as you felt warmth on your face, something bright slipping through your eyelids and nearly blinding you.

You clenched your eyes shut tightly, before groaning again when the light didn't diminish. Eventually, your eyes slowly fluttered open, adjusting to the light shining down on the side of your face. You let out a lazy and quiet murmur, using your hand to shield yourself from the light. Why did you think placing your bed across from your window was a good idea?

"...Wait." Your eyes shot wide open, you don't remember your room having those curtains or window frame. That's not even the same bag or desk. Your nose picks up on the scent of alcohol and the familiar smell of cologne.

You sat up, but that proved to be a hastily made decision as you moved a little too fast. A throb in your head causes you to grimace and grunt, your fingers massaging your temples to ease the pain. Though, it does little to ease your hangover.

It took you a full minute to remember the events of last night, but that really wasn't much of a help since you barely remember anything at all. Everything was a blur to you and you were more focused on quenching your thirst at the moment.

"...Actually, where the hell am I?" You mumbled to no one in particular.

"Ohh, someone's awake~" A teasing voice sounded from behind the door, you weren't given a chance to react as it swings open, revealing that face you had been loathing for years.

"Fuck." Was the first thing you muttered.

"Language, kitty." Kaeya chuckles, closing the door behind him as he brought a plate of pancakes for you, accompanied by a glass of water and a small bottle of pills, presumably painkillers. "My brother's home, he wouldn't be too happy if he hears you moaning and groaning my name~"

You scooted away from him with a grumble when he sat on the chair next to the bed, but the burning sensation in your cheeks was starting to overwhelm you.

You're in Kaeya's house? Did you do something stupid again? Did you both end up making out? Did you accidentally sleep with Kaeya!?

Well the idea isn't too bad.

"Don't give me that face. I've got the doctor's shady business taken care of, he'll get some karma for touching you." Kaeya snorts, using a fork and slicing a small chunk of the pancake, he holds it close to your mouth. "You and I didn't do anything. I promise... just eat and lemme tell you the story of a kitten who got drunk and nearly got themselves abducted." He muses.

You scowled at him for a few seconds, but begrudgingly ate the food. It was just pancakes, but it felt like you were eating a five star worthy meal because you were famished. He chuckles when your face drops into a look of surprise and satisfaction.

But that look morphs into horror and embarrassment when Kaeya recalls the string of events from last night to you in uncomfortably clear detail, you end up burying your flushed face into your hands. And he donned that oh-so-familiar smug grin as he feeds you.

You wanted to sit on his face? You agreed to cockwarm him? You wished the ground could just swallow you up and erase your existence.

Meanwhile, Kaeya was having the time of his life, bursting into laughter at your reaction. "Oh, you should be lucky I decided to pity you instead of agreeing to your offer~" Kaeya cooed, lightly nudging your leg with his knee.

"Here's another offer: Go fuck yourself." You deadpanned, glaring at the blue haired male with a furious blush on your face.

He snorts, leaning his face close to yours, the smell of alcohol from your breath and pancake was heavy, your cheeks growing warmer as you hitched a breath and turned your face away from his— hoping Kaeya wouldn't be bothered by the smell.

The corner of his grin tugged upwards into a smirk, finding your embarrasment endearing, especially your attempt at masking it.

"I think I would need your help with that." Kaeya whispers into your ear, his hot breath fanning against your ear, causing a shiver to run down your spine.

His voice was low, with a suggestive undertone, his periwinkle eyes meeting yours. For a brief moment, he recognised that flash of desire in your eyes.

"But for now... maybe get dressed." He pulls away, poking your bright red cheek in a playful manner as you flinched, shaking your head to snap out of your thoughts. "You can borrow my clothes and my bathroom if you want. Or don't... and smell like alcohol the whole day."

You were about to bite back with a snappy insult, but as soon as you spun your head to face him, you were met with a pair of lips against yours.

Your brain short-circuits, your eyes wide to the point you thought they were going to pop out of your sockets. A part of you wanted to pull him closer, but with your hands hovering awkwardly in the air, you just froze.

Kaeya eventually, painfully slowly, pulled away from yot. The kiss lingering on your lips, your heart and brain craving for another.

"Don't take too long, kitty~" Kaeya hummed, getting up from the chair with the now empty dishes and quickly leaving the room, you couldn't miss that smug look on his face. He clearly knew you wanted more, and he was going to take advantage of that by being the little shit he is.

Though... you sure as hell don't mind chasing after him and dragging him back to his room with you.

[thecrxwclub]

assigning taylor swift songs to grishaverse characters + ships because i don’t want to do my actual work!! this is about to be long as hell!!

notes: i feel like some of these will be unpopular opinions but here we are + there are two instances where ppl have the same song (long story short and you’re on your own kid) but i just think it applies to both characters really well. and idk why basically all the crows are from midnights, it’s just a soc album i guess.

ALINA STARKOV

– long story short : evermore

"Past me, I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things. Your nemeses will defeat themselves before you get the chance to swing…and I fell from the pedestal, right down the rabbit hole. Long story short, it was a bad time. Pushed from the precipice, climbed right back up the cliff. Long story short, I survived. Now I’m all about you, I’m all about you. Long story short, it was a bad time. Long story short, I survived.”

MAL ORETSEV

– this is me trying : folklore

“They told me all of my cages were mental. So I got wasted like all my potential. And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad. I have a lot of regrets about that…I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. At least I’m trying.”

NIKOLAI LANTSOV

– Mastermind : Midnights

"No one wanted to play with me as a little kid. So I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since. To make them love me and make it seem effortless. This is the first time I’ve felt the need to confess. And I swear I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian ‘cause I care.”

ZOYA NAZYALENSKY

– You’re On Your Own Kid : Midnights

“You’re on your own, kid. You always have been. From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes, I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this. I hosted parties and starved my body. Like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss. The jokes weren’t funny, I took the money, my friends from home don’t know what to say. I looked around in a blood-soaked gown, and I saw something they can’t take away.”

KAZ BREKKER

– Dear Reader : Midnights

"Dear Reader, if it feels like a trap you’re already in one. Dear Reader, get out your map. Pick somewhere and just run. Dear Reader, burn all the files, desert all your past lives. And if you don’t recognize yourself that means you did it right. Never take advice from someone who’s falling apart…Dear Reader, the greatest of luxuries is your secrets. Dear Reader, when you aim at the devil make sure you don’t miss.”

INEJ GHAFA

– Karma : Midnights

“Karma is my boyfriend. Karma is a god, karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend. Karma’s a relaxing thought, aren’t you envious that for you it’s not? Sweet like honey, karma is a cat, purring in my lap ‘cause it loves me. Flexing like a goddamn acrobat. Me and karma vibe like that.”

NINA ZENIK

– Bejeweled : Midnights

“Sapphire tears on my face, sadness became my whole sky…And you can try to change my mind. But you might have to wait in line. What’s a girl gonna do? A diamond’s gotta shine. Best believe I’m still bejeweled. When I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer…Diamonds in my eyes. I polish up real, I polish up real nice.”

JESPER FAHEY

– Anti-Hero : Midnights

"I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser. Midnights become my afternoons. When my depression works the graveyard shift all of the people I’ve ghosted stand there in the room…It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me. At tea time, everybody agrees. I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero.”

WYLAN VAN ECK

– You’re On Your Own Kid : Midnights

“Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned. Everything you lose is a step you take. So make the friendship bracelets, take a moment and taste it, you’ve got no reason to be afraid. You’re on your own, kid. Yeah, you can face this. You’re on your own kid, you always have been.”

MATTHIAS HELVAR

– ivy : evermore

"How’s one to know? I’d live and die for moments that we stole. On begged and borrowed time…oh, goddamn. My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand taking mine, but it’s been promised to another. Oh, I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland. My house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I’m covered in you.”

GENYA SAFIN

– Clean : 1989

“Hung my head as I lost the war, and the sky turned black like a perfect storm. Rain came pouring down. When I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe. And by morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean.”

DAVID KOSTYK

– Sweet Nothing : Midnights

"On the way home I wrote a poem. You say ‘what a mind’, this happens all the time. ‘Cause they said the end is coming. Everyone’s up to something. I find myself running home to your sweet nothings. Outside, they’re push and shoving. You’re in the kitchen humming. All that you ever wanted from me was nothing.”

THE DARKLING

I Did Something Bad : Reputation

"They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one. They got their pitchforks and proof, their receipts and reasons. They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one. So light me, go ahead and light me up. They say I did something bad. Then why’s it feel so good? They say I did something bad. But why’s it feel so good? Most fun I ever had, and I’d do it over and over and over again if I could. It just felt so good.”

TOLYA YUL-BATAAR

– epiphany : folklore

"Keep your helmet, keep your life, son. Just a flesh wound, here’s your rifle…With you I serve. With you, I fall down. Watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out. Only 20 minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief, to make some sense of what you’ve seen.”

TAMAR KIR-BATAAR

– Only the Young : Featured in “Miss Americana”

“They aren’t gonna help us, too busy helping themselves. They aren’t gonna change this, we gotta do it ourselves. They think that it’s over, but it’s just begun. Only one thing can save us…Don’t say you’re too tired to fight, it’s just a matter of time. Up there’s the finish line. Only the young can run.”

HANNE BRUM

– long story short : evermore

“Fatefully, I tried to pick my battles ‘til the battle picked me. Misery. Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep. And you passed right by, I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides. The knife cuts both ways. If the shoe fits, walk in it ‘til your high heels break.”

–––––––––––––––––––––

KANEJ

– Renegade : How Long Do You Think It’s Gonna Last?

“Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these? And let all your damage damage me? And carry your baggage up my street and make me your future history? It’s time, you’ve come a long way. Open the blinds, let me see your face. You wouldn’t be the first renegade to need somebody. Is it insensitive for me to say ‘get your shit together so I can love you’?"

HELNIK

– Long Live : Speak Now

“Long, long live the walls we crashed through. All the kingdom lights shine, just for me and you. I was screaming, long live all the magic we made, and being on all the pretenders, I’m not afraid. Singing long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you. And long, long live that look on your face. And bring on all the pretenders. One day, we will be remembered.”

WESPER

– Paper Rings : Lover

“Kiss me once ‘cause you know I had a long night. Kiss me twice ‘cause it’s gonna be alright. Three times ‘cause I’ve waited my whole life. I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings. Darling, you’re the one I want, and I hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this.”

ZOYALAI

– The Great War : Midnights

"And we will never go back to that bloodshed, crimson clover. The worst was over. My hand was the one you reached for all throughout the Great War. Always remember we’re burned for better, I vowed I would always be yours. ‘Cause we survived the Great War.”

MALINA

– invisible string : folklore

“Time, curious time. Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs. Were there clues I didn’t see? And isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”

DARKLINA

– Dear John : Speak Now

“You are an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry. Never impressed by me acing your tests. All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired, lifeless eyes ‘cause you burned them out. But I took your matches before fire could catch me, so don’t look now.”

DANYA

— Last Kiss : Speak Now

“But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes. All that I know is I don’t know how to be something you miss. I never thought we’d have a last kiss. Never imagined we’d end like this. Your name, forever the name on my lips.”

TAMADIA

— Lover : Lover

“My heart’s been borrowed, and yours has been blue. All’s well that ends well to end up with you…Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close, forever and ever? And I, take me out, and take me home. You’re my, my, my, my lover.”

HANNINA

— Daylight : Lover

“I’ll tell you the truth, but never goodbye. I don’t want to look at anything else now that I saw you. And I don’t want to think of anything else now that I thought of you. I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night, but now I see daylight. I only see daylight.”

[haruniki]

hey! i am so sorry you weren’t feeling that well and i am so glad that you’re feeling better now. i just wanted to let you know that you’re very talented and very important. your blog is really a safe space and your contribution to the wlw community is important.

i wanted to request an adult!(of course) sakura haruno with a female reader that is struggling to sleep? just some caring & nurturing sakura helping her sleep deprived gf… i have been struggling with insomnia lately because of exams and it would really mean a lot to me to read something like that with my favorite character.

take your time with this! don’t pressure yourself and make sure to take care <3 love ya :)

(+ sorry for any grammatical errors, english isn’t my first language)

a/n: hiii!! tysm for rqing!! im glad that im a safe space for others in my community!! it means a lot to me that ppl are enjoying my content. I hope you enjoy. And for everyone to know, all my characters that have an adult version already, i always write them as their adult versions! I won't ever write an older version of a character unless it's for a comfort fic (ex: PJSK Mafuyu finally living her life/her life away from home or something like that.) also i do apologize for this being posted late, i was trying to fall in to when my scheduled post were. Pls enjoy and sorry for the long a/n!!

Sakura Haruno w/sleep deprived/insomniac reader (sorry if there is a better wording than this)

Sakura is technically a doctor so i think she's more than suited to help you with your sleeping problems mostly and stress!!

She's the first to scold you when you obviously way too caught up in studying. Worried that you're spending too much time with your books/computer/notes, she might steal them and place them somewhere else for a little while.

Sakura also convinces you to chill out for a while. She'll make you your favorite drink, maybe a snack while she's at it. You'll cuddle, maybe watch an episode or two of your favorite show, just something to keep you off of studying.

Sakura already knows that you'll ace your exams, so you need to take a break. Relaxing is just as important as retaining information!!

She gets super worried when she finds that you're having difficulty sleeping. Especially when it starts affecting your daily life, just this morning she saw you try to pour a glass of water into an upside down glass!

Luckily, your wonderful, smart, girlfriend has figured out a solution or two!

Her first solution is to fix your sleeping schedule. Pulling you out of where you studying at and getting you to go to bed at normal times. This might take a couple of tries, maybe a few days or so? But your sleeping schedule will be fixed through her persuasion of cuddles and maybe a few kisses.

Sakura second solution is to maybe try melatoin. She knows it might not work but she wants to atleast try. If they work, then she'll be super happy! This will help fix your sleep schedule way faster!

I think overall, Sakura is gonna encourage you to study as much as you can, but she doesn't mean ruin your sleep schedule or even getting stressed out over exams. She knows that you can ace your exams and you can always ask her to help you.