#lots of pawpaw growing around there

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Speaking of cool churches

Honestly could fight some horrible nightmare beasts here

I don't respect christianity but they kinda popped off with cathedrals but ONLY for the purpose of having a cool backdrop for fighting horrible nightmare beasts

[headspace-hotel]

The medieval theory of Miasma makes a lot more sense when you realize that a ton of medicinal plants are strongly aromatic

Most plants smell mostly like generic vegetable smell so it's always striking when you come across one that has A Smell. And strangely those plants often contain compounds with effects on other organisms

For example pawpaw leaves smell extremely bitter, the leaves are also insecticidal (so you can put them as mulch to repel pests I think) Black walnut is well known to be allelopathic (toxic to some other plants that grow around it) and the leaves also have a strong smell

A lot of toxic plants also smell—poison hemlock has such a terrible reek when it is in bloom, you can smell a breeze that has blown over poison hemlock

[the-habitat-ring]

The (Real) Stardew Valley Farm Update 2024

I’m wrapping up my third year trying to grow everything from Stardew Valley in our yard, with substitutions as needed, preferably with Midwest USA native plants.

I’m continuing to battle the invasive plants (why won’t the honeysuckle and thistles stop?????), beg for truckloads of woodchips (Google decided our address isn’t real anymore), and deal with a body and brain that makes going outside impossible sometimes (the past two years have been rough medically). But despite all of that I still managed to make a ton of progress!

Here’s how things stand as of now. If you’re looking back at previous posts you might notice some differences, but that’s mainly because things I planted died (drought + medical crises don’t bode well for newly established plants). I’ve also added the additional crops from the new update.

2021

Amaranth - Native white amaranth

Grape - Native riverbank grapes (so many grapes). I’m hopefully going to successfully propagate some cuttings from the neighbor’s green cultivated variety

Dandelion - Obviously

Maple Tree - Native silver, red, and sugar maples

Pine Tree - Douglas fir

Apple Tree - Three old apple trees of different varieties in very rough shape. I’ve been working to prune them up and two are looking a lot better. I’d love an Enterprise apple tree at some point

Coffee Bean - Chicory (a naturalized plant commonly used as a coffee substitute)

Salmonberry - Native black raspberries since salmonberries aren’t from around here, although I really want to add raspberries of various colors in the future

Starfruit - Native wood sorrel

Cave Carrot - Queen Ann’s Lace, AKA wild carrot

2022

Kale

Rhubarb

Strawberry - Both cultivated and native

Tulip

Radish

Tomato

Eggplant

Fairy Rose - Native prairie rose

Cranberries - Native cranberry viburnum

Orange Tree -Native persimmons, which produce orange fruit

Daffodil

Spring Onion - Native nodding onions

Spice Berry - Native spicebushes

Wild Plum - Native plums

Crocus

Cherry Tree - Native black cherries and nonnative bush cherries

Banana Tree - Native pawpaws, which are also known as Indiana bananas

Sweet Gem Berry - Native Juneberry (Downy Serviceberry)

2023

Garlic - Native wild garlic

Blueberries - I planted three varieties and only one survived. Don’t shortcut your bed preparation, friends

Wild Horseradish - Not wild, but contained with my mint

Hops - Teamaker hops which is good for tea since we’re not alcohol fans

2024

Blue Jazz - Native Ozark Bluestar

Beets

Apricot Tree - Native passionflower vine, also known as wild apricot

Sunflower - Both native and non-native sunflowers

Pumpkin

Cactus Fruit - Native prickly pear cactus

Melon - Cantaloupe

Oak Tree - Native dwarf chinquapin oak, which took me forever to get

Hot Pepper

Palm Tree/coconut - Native palm sedge

Poppy - Native purple poppy mallow, after other native poppies failed. I still want to grow bread seed poppies, though

Corn - Tried some gorgeous colored corn and popcorn that didn’t grow great but they did grow!

Green bean

Hazelnut - They’re supposed to be easy to grow but they do not like me. Third time’s the charm, right?

Carrot

Summer squash

Powder melon - I decided to do honeydew melon because it’s kinda powdery and I don’t really have any other ideas

Planned for 2025 and beyond

Potato

Pineapple - White strawberries (pineberries)

Winter Root - Hopniss, a native root vegetable

Red Cabbage

Artichoke - Native Jerusalem artichokes

Yam

Bok Choy

Leek

Fiddlehead Fern - Ferns do not like me

Blackberry

Crystal Fruit - Probably honey berries, which produce fruit earlier than anything else

Ancient Fruit - Native Aronia berries. They’re blue(ish) and have lots of antioxidants so you live to be ancient

Tea Leaves - Native New Jersey Tea bush. The previous ones were murdered by rabbits

Mango Tree - I thought one of our pawpaws was a variety called mango but I was wrong

Ginger - I want to try growing native wild ginger again

Rice - Native rough-leaved rice grass

Wheat - I have some gorgeous ornamental blue wheat seeds

Summer Spangle - Possibly native prairie lily? I was unsuccessful growing it from seed this year but maybe in the future

Parsnip - I can’t get them to germinate to save my life but one day I will be successful

Sweat pea

Holly - Native winterberry holly

Mushrooms - I'm just gonna ignore varieties and try some plugs or similar

Peach - Vine peach. It’s a melon, and more doable than a tree

Mahogany Tree - I think I’ll resort to mahogany nasturtiums

Broccoli

Pomegranate Tree - I could try Russian pomegranates?

Taro Root - I would have to plant it in pots

Snow Yam - Not actually a yam but maybe native sweet potato vine?

Qi Fruit - Very creepy, not sure what to do with this

Over halfway there! If anyone has suggestions for plants please let me know because I’m still stuck on a few and very open to alternatives.

In other news, I’m making Stardew Valley Fair displays with cross stitch patches for each of the items I’ve added that year. I’ll have to post pics of those at some point.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

My Garden Flowers Part 9

All photos mine.

In order of appearance:

241. Wild Yam (Dioscorea villosa) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

242. Nodding Wakerobin (Trillium flexipes) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

243. Moss campion (Silene acaulis) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

244. Great White Trillium (Trillium grandiflora) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

245. Yellow Wood-Sorrel (Oxalis stricta) Small yellow flowers. You often find them growing as weeds, but they're native at least to the northern USA bordering southern Ontario. The leaves, flowers, and fruits are a very lovely snack, with a tart refreshing flavour.

246. Horseweed (Erigeron canadensis) A fairly common garden weed, but native so she can stay where she pops up from time to time. Not pictured as I haven't got pictures.

247. Stiff Goldenrod (Oligoneuron rigida) Not pictured as I haven't got pictures yet.

248. Fourflower Loosestrife (Lysimachia quadriflora) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

249. Smallflower Forgetmenot (Myosotis laxa) At least I think. Her flowers are certainly much smaller than the European pink and blue species I see around. Not sure what else she'd be.

250. Bearberry (Arctostaphylos uva-ursi) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

251. Tall Meadow-Rue (Thalictrum pubescens) Yet more lacy white flowers! I imagine if you preferred white you could have a full native garden of such.

252. Northern Bog Violet (Viola nephrophylla) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

253. Wool Grass (Scirpus cyperinus) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

254. Prairie Milkweed (Asclepias sullivantii) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

255. Square-Stemmed Monkeyflower (Mimulus ringens) More leggy than her yellow cousin, but still very attractive flowers that look a lot like snapdragons. She needs things moist.

256. Pawpaw (Asimina triloba) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

257. Meadow Sundrops (Oenothera pilosella) Not quite as intensely yellow as her cousins, Oenothera biennis and Oenothera fruticosa, but still very bright.

258. Wood Lily (Lilium philadelphicum) We don't have a ton of red or orange flowers native here as compared to yellow, white, or pink/purple flowers, so each one is a treat.

259. Virginia Waterleaf (Hydrophyllum virginianum) Yet more lacy white flowers! Not complaining, though, I think they're lovely in the garden. You find these growing in shaded woods.

260. Woodland Strawberry (Fragaria vesca) Unlike her cousin in the front, this one produces lots of berries...but they're white! That's not usual for the species but not unheard of. It's kind of fun to pick little white strawberries each year from that patch.

261. Pickerelweed (Pontederia cordata) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

262. Bog Rosemary (Andromeda polifolia) This is a cultivar. I will have the wild type one day.

263. Strict Blue-Eyed Grass (Sisyrinchium montanum) Her cousin in the front prefers things dry, but this one, like many members of her family (irises), prefers things moist. It was actually easier to get her to take than the dry one, though, which I had three failed attempts at before the one I planted last year.

264. Downy Yellow Violet (Viola pubescens) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

265. Purplestem Angelica (Angelica atropurpurea) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

266. Wrinkleleaf Goldenrod (Solidago rugosa) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

267. Purple Giant Hyssop (Agastache scrophulariifolia) Not pictured as I haven't got pictures yet.

268. Buffaloberry (Shepherdia canadensis) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

269. Silverberry (Elaeagnus commutata) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

270. White Lettuce (Nabalus albus) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

[dispatchvampire]

Radio Free Bucky - Bucky x Fem!OC

Pairing: Bucky x OC (in progress)

Warnings: Fluff, mild angst, casual swearing, smut in later chapters

Series Summary: A bunch of interrelated  of fluffy ficlets about Bucky and Penelope. Strangers in the night, tenuously connected by the past, finding their way together a little at a time.

Chapter Summary: In which Bucky has a birthday and someone unexpected knows about it.

It was his birthday, but he’d kept the proceedings low key. Dinner with Sam and his family, some cake, before retiring to the fixer-upper he’d bought not far from their family homestead so he had a place to stay in Delacroix  that wasn’t the front room couch when he came down. That’s really all he had the mental and emotional space for these days.

The soft patter of rain on the roof and windows droned in the background as he worked on the birdhouse Sarah had asked him to. Sam’s sister was a sweetheart, very unlike her brother, and he had no problem giving in to any and all requests from her and her boys. They did love them some Uncle Bucky. 

A memory of a warm summer afternoon on the bayou made him smile as Chet Baker’s smooth voice crooned about falling in love too easily, just a shade louder than the downpour. As much as Sam gave him shit for it, Bucky liked what he liked, and he wasn’t ashamed. It was good music. 

He’d found this satellite radio station one day online, looking for god knows what now, but it had been a revelation. A whole channel devoted to 40’s music, and it was like the universe was giving him a bit of comfort after kicking the hell out of him for so long. 

The soulful trumpet at the end of the song faded into the gathering shadows in his workshop.

“That was Chet Baker on vocals and trumpet there, and I think that might be my favorite song of his. It’s ten past eight here on the east coast, and this is 40s Junction.” 

Just hearing her voice made Bucky smile. It was warm, knowing, with a spark of humor that made him wonder if her actual smile was as nice as what he pictured in his head. And, to be fair, he’d pictured her a bit.  

This woman, the only female DJ at the station near as he could tell, was a nightly companion as he worked on his projects and unwound at the end of the day. Hearing tiny snippets of her life, and how joyfully she related to the music that was clearly way too old to be current for her, made him feel a little less alone in the world. It was an unusual feeling and he’d started to enjoy it. 

“Now, I know I promised you all I’d get to some Ella Fitzgerald this hour, but…” she trailed off and he turned his head to look at his phone like he expected to see her there, with a mischievous grin. “I wanted to take a moment to share something with you all. Today’s a special day in my family. It’s a tradition my Pawpaw started way back in 1945.

“I’m sure you all have guessed by now that he’s the reason I’m here with you, five nights a week from four to midnight. He was my best friend growing up and I miss him terribly. 

He served in the Army in Italy, with the 107th Infantry Regiment.” Bucky carefully set his work aside as his fingers went numb. 

“You history buffs probably recognize the unit, but for those that don't, that’s Captain America’s outfit, and my grandfather was Gabe Jones, one of the original Howling Commandos. 

“Today is March 10th, the birthday of one of my Pawpaw’s fallen comrades in arms, Bucky Barnes. For years, on this day, he’d raise a glass and tell us about the man who saved his life more than once. A man who gave him a reason to go on, to keep fighting, even when all seemed hopeless. Whose death marked his young life indelibly. You get the picture. 

“He’d raise a glass and ask us to remember the fallen and their families, and to help those still around us carry on. After the Blip, I’m sure a lot of us can relate to those sentiments.” Her sigh held paragraphs he didn’t need a translation for. 

“Anyway, long story short, it feels weird to say that Bucky isn’t dead, as Pawpaw informed us, but I’m celebrating his day just the same. I’d like to think he’s having a good 107th birthday, out there, somewhere. 

“As for me, I raise a glass to him, and all the boys who served.” She paused and he could faintly make out the sounds of ice cubes hitting glass. “And with an extra sip for those who didn’t make it home. Happy Birthday, Sergeant Barnes, wherever you are. Now, here’s Ella, serving up some Black Coffee.” 

Bucky’s gasp when the music kicked back in told him that at some point he’d lost air, and even though he was breaking currently, the lump in his throat was throttling him slowly. Of all the things… so many thoughts in his head, fragments of memories, imaginings. Abandoning his workbench entirely, he shuffled across the room to toss himself down onto the couch in the now mostly-dark. 

He could see Gabe’s face in his mind like it was yesterday. Easy smile, quick wit, brilliant mind. Gabriel Jones had been a good man, and it warmed Bucky’s heart to know he’d gone on to come home, have a family, and that he kept the joy in his life. 

The tender affection in her voice when she spoke of her grandfather said more than any words could ever. That was the true measure of a man, the love of those left behind.

There was a voice in his head, one that sounded annoyingly like Dr. Rainor’s, whispering that he was well-remembered by those he’d left behind too, and that meant something. To them, to the world. It was a voice quickly snuffed out by the knowledge that while that may have been true at the time, a whole encyclopedia of lifetimes had transpired between then and now, and his worthiness of that sentiment, no matter how well-intended, well… it was more worn than not. 

Still, it warmed his heart a little to know that he was thought of fondly, and by his DJ-crush of all people, even if it was a strange coincidence. How could it not? He may have still been getting used to this time, but having that moment, that connection no matter how brief, felt like a much-needed hug in a world that has offered him precious little in the way of comfort. 

For a second, he could just close his eyes in the gathering darkness and let the music and rain rhythm wash over him, like a baptism of time, washing him clean once more. For a second, he could just… be. And it was enough

[kedreeva]

Today I dug out the order form for native plants that my community sends out once a year. They offer a large variety of cool native trees, shrugs, bushes, flowers, grasses, and other plants at generally decent prices. I filled out the form and then realized it could be submitted online, so we went online and the site doesn't accept orders before Jan 3rd. so much for proactivity there!

But, since I was already on the hunt, I went and dug out the site we wanted to order fruit trees from, and I placed my order for a group of fruit trees to replace the ones we lost to our infected cedar trees. We took down the cedars in 2021 (along with a few other trees threatening my house and coops), and I'm hoping that clears up the issue because I would really like to grow my own apples.

once we can order from the native plants, I intend to get a big group of highbush blueberries, and then a few pawpaw trees, a couple of black cherry and persimmon trees, and a few others. Our lawn up front is basically this big, unused territory of plain, useless lawn grass. I want to turn the whole thing into food.

On a different note... my mom sent me a second sourdough starter packet, this one supposedly alive.... I haven't opened it, but it was in my mailbox through the hard freeze we just had for days. I'm not sure it's still alive, but I guess I'll see tomorrow morning. I also have a packet of Carl's starter on the way from a rec here, so. I guess I'm going to have to make a lot of sourdough bread... Might have to trade some for other things. There are a lot of folks around here who sell fresh eggs and raw honey and stuff. Surely someone wants to trade for some freshly baked bread.

[rjalker]

ugh.

sigh.

okay, we'd need $75 + whatever tax it is to buy three more hard plastic cat carriers.

We're going to be moving, thankfully just into a different apartment in the same setup thing, this one's on the ground floor so we won't have to keep lugging groceries up the stairs (and we could actually bring our bikes inside to keep them out of the rain and stop them from being stolen!!!), and we have soft sided cat carriers, but the cats decided they were beds. But instead of sleeping inside them they squashed them and now they're all bent out of shape and need to be washed.

And we still don't have working washers or driers, so it takes forever.

We were trying to train the cats to eat their food in the carriers so they'd get used to them, which was going fine until they decided that sleeping on top of them was better than hanging out inside.

so if we want to actually train them to think of their carriers as a safe place, we need three more hard carriers that they can squash.

(and you know, of course they don't sleep on the actual pet bed, because why would they do that?)

The $75 would buy us three of Walmart's cheapest at $24 each.

My wallet got stolen a few days ago now, so Paypal is the only thing I actually have access to until my new bank card gets here.

My paypal is Rjalker, it'll have the same flower icon as here.

I don't really have anything to offer in return for donations unless you like my art enough that you'd want me to draw something, which I could do. If you need more incentive, I'm going to be giving away free food and native plants from my garden whenever the warmer weather gets here, and I also go around planting native plants and native fruit trees wherever I can find space for them in the wild.

(If you live in Hanover, Pennsylvania, and in 2030 or so there's fruiting pawpaws growing along the trolley trail and various patches of woods elsewhere, you're welcome! There should also be lots of butternut tree seedlings, but they won't fruit until...well, I can't find any actual information about their rate of maturity from seed, but I assume it'll be closer to 15 or 20 years? They live longer than pawpaws so I assume they also take longer to reach sexual maturity)

[sijey]

18 Years of Existence | Autobiography

I am Coleen Jasmine Priagola, I just turned 18 on last 9th of March 2023. I'm the eldest daughter of my parents Roxan and Dave Priagola. I am currently residing in Dasmarinas City, Cavite while my dad lives in General Trias Cavite. I grew up idolizing my lola, who died of health complications years ago. Writing my autobiography appeared to be a simple task before, but after what happened to my lola, I found it difficult to explore and observe the events in my life. I am a student at Emilio Aguinaldo College and have been an Emillian since 2021. As a student, I strive to be active and functional not only in my classroom, but also in school organizations. I joined the Supreme Student Government, Journalism, and Hygiene Advocate organizations in junior high, but as a senior high school student, I was only able to join journalism as a news writer. I enjoy a wide variety of music and art, I like all sorts of music genre such as pop punk, rock, opm, country music, indie, and a lot more. As of the moment, I enjoy listening to Rex Orange County, Taylor Swift, My Chemical Romance, Eggboy, Queen, and many more. I sometimes enjoy listening to classical music most especially the one made by Antonio Vivaldi. I have eight cats whom I consider my family since my lola died. Their names are Patoti, Bachi, Pawi, Pawpaw, Popaw, Tsooya, Ampi and Pochi. These cats have been with me through thick and thin and I can safely say that I am more attached with them than any other animals of even people. Coffee is my favorite drink aside from matcha and iced tea. I drink coffee when I am happy, sad, stressed out, burnt out and even when spacing out. I drink coffee causing me to have health complications but anyway coffee is life as they say.

All of these facts about myself are part of my journey as a senior high school student, and I hope to look back on them when I go to college. To be a lawyer is what I want to attain and in able to acquire that, I must be consistent, persistent and wise in every steps and plan that I will take to make my dream of ideal self happen. Upon thinking deeply of my ideal self I realized that aside from being a lawyer, it is essential for me to be happy also. Treat yourself like a plant that needs water, air and sunlight to grow. For me, to be able to have my dream profession it is also important for me to prioritize my happiness and mental health. To conclude, my ideal self has to be mentally strong and capable to handle things in life. Unibersidad ng Pilipinas has always been my dream school although it is indeed difficult to pass UP's standard, I am still hoping to pass the qualifications.I took a picture when I went there once that has a sign saying "never again, never forget". This sign represents my political stand, principle and political awareness. Last presidential election I became woke about the injustices roaming around the Philippines and I realized how people are blinded by fake news, red tagging, misinformation, distortion of history made by dirty driven politicians, Marcos’s clan for example. Leni Robredo the one I supported had serve as a light for the hopes of many Filipinos. Concluding my existence would be too early, although my 18 years of existence have been tough for me, I sometimes wonder how life will turn out if I will continue my life’s journey.

[shawnjacksonsbs]

Dwelling isn't helping. 4-8-23

“Before you know it, they're spending as much or more time away as they are at home. As they increasingly choose the company of their peers, you cease to be the center of their universe. Before long, they begin to doubt your intelligence and resent your input in their lives. And then, one day, they're gone for. . .busy figuring out who they want to be.” – Dr. Richard Carlson

It's always easier to convince others if you believe it yourself. The wisdom of a former bullshitter. I was confident in my ignorance.

But I feel like I never actually looked ignorant or overly confident.

Reactions from others fed my bullshit.

It wasn't until years later, looking in my mirror that I saw that ignorance shining bright in all its undignified glory like a beacon too bright to deny.

My confidence switched gears to, and for the things I felt instead of what was on the surface, or whatever clever shit I could think to say.

It's more about being real and looking for the right questions.

And just being the me I could have always been.

Thinking about my kids lately, especially with some of the drama from inside my own house . . .again. lol

I think a lot about the ones out in the world that are doing fairly well that I don't get to see often, and the ones that are still lost in struggle out there, that I wish I could be more involved with as well.

(Most of my attention these days seems to center around their littles), it's hard to balance seeing any of them as much as I'd like.

Granted, I am living close enough now to keep my place at events, parties, and just my position as the elder head of the family.

Even as I write it's hard for me to articulate exactly the way the thoughts are in my head about negligent, or lost time with them, as well as missing time now.

I get how growing up comes with the emptying of the nest transition, but I wish I was . . .more for them, in ways that are more important than just being an example after showing up late to serve it to them.

I love my kids, and I miss them too. But the end game result is still the same as what I've always wanted for them, and that's that not only are they making it on their own, in their own positive ways, but, and this is most important, that they are happy, kind, and grateful.

I try not to criticize, although it's hard as a parent, especially when most of their struggles, currently, are by their own hand.

We all have to find balance for our own lives, obviously, and try to just cherish the limited times we get with each other.

I'm just grateful I get to be in their lives at all.

Plus, it ain't all bad making up for lost hugs by giving them to their kids. Lol

This entry took a kind of a weird turn somewhere, but it's evidently what needed to spill out.

My kids . . .too . . .very much too.

We'll know by how our attention is met whether it's quality and quantity or not.

These are the days where gratitude lists spoken out loud throughout the day, comes in pretty handy. Lol

Also, I don't know how I'm going to do it, or how it will be received, but the book I've chosen for Pawpaw's Storytime gave me a mild Fred Rogers inspiration, completely on accident. Lol

That's it, I guess for this week.

I'm might leave this a little choppy, although it is a day or two before it's to be posted so I might edit.

Time will tell. Lol

Be kind to each other, and share your love and your laughter with your kids. Try not to dwell, except about the good times and shared successes.

Until next week;

“All of this is natural. It's the way it's supposed to be. Each step forward takes them closer to life apart from you. If you don't live in and love the time you have . . .with your kids, you forever miss one of the richest experiences life offers.” - Dr. Richard Carlson

[demidevildiva]

"Maybe you should show me sometime." Dante said giving Frankie a smile back while nodding to his words. In all honesty he didn't know too much about Frankie's family so listening to them speak now forced Dante's eyes to remain only on him. To take in all the words spoken, and try to see where their mind traveled. "What did that mean?" he asked, bringing some lasagna to his lips without once breaking his gaze, even when the other turned. He let out a silent sigh of content. "Do you admire your dad?" The question was a bit loaded on Dante's part. His parents not people that he liked to talk about much because of how things ended - it brought him immense sorrow and clouded his thoughts, but he did often wonder what his relationship to them would be now. They hadn't been the best of parents to him growing up. The constant fights, the endless drugs that were ever present in their home, and the constant yelling at his five year old self whenever he didn't leave them be. When they had friends over and he wanted to show them the song he'd been practicing on the mini guitar his pawpaw had bought him one Christmas. The sound of that same guitar smacking against the wall when his father grew tired of his little games. They weren't good to him, but he loved them still. He used to fantasize about them a lot when younger. Hoped they'd get clean and make music with him like his pawpaw always did. Hoped they'd love him enough to at least try. Hoped they'd somehow come back despite knowing well they never would. Dante put down the platter in his hand, setting it on the futon, before walking over to Frankie. "What are you doing?" he said with a laugh, reaching up to grab a hold of Frankie's wrists as his eyes were covered. He nodded, licking his lips as he waited to head what he could only assume was a mistake he'd missed. Frankie's words though made his breathe pause. Silencing everything out, but the song and their words. Dante wanted to shake his head and say no - that he couldn't sing any new music, but he didn't dare. Too much emotions associated with the song as it was, adding a piece on himself only made it hurt more. This was Marcy's song. "I haven't-" he began, but closed his mouth and took a deep breath forcing himself to finish listening to the song. He brought his hands up to his face, covering his eyes just as Frankie had previously done for him, feeling the tears threatening to fall while his lip quivered. Dante's always been too emotional. It was the one thing he hated most about himself. The reason why he forced so much happiness into everything that he did, but recording music had taken a dark path for him. Ever since his grandma passed away he hadn't been able to get inside a booth properly. He could mess around, sing an old song and shake a couple feathers, but something in him wouldn't allow his music career to continue. Producing was as close as he'd allow himself to get while still finding joy in the thing he loved most. "I don't record anymore, Frankie. Haven't in a really long time." was all he could bring himself to say after the song ended. His hands still attached to his features out of fear of the moisture that leaked. "Yeah, let's do that instead." he swallowed, squeezing his hands to his face until he felt confident enough in his motion to wipe off all remnant of his weakness.

All Frankie could offer to Dante’s question was a shrug. It was a windy road, anything that involved Frankie’s birthday - because then his family became involved, and that was more Sacagawea leading Lewis and Clark to the Pacific Coast. “I love Piper, I love everything she does - she can… do no wrong, I don’t think. But -.” Words - failing Frankie again. They gave another pitiful shrug. “Sometimes - being with lots of people… is lonelier.” Even with Lo in their lap, even when Juniper made them laugh, even when Piper dragged them to her room just to sing them happy birthday. Frankie was so desperate for company, he didn’t even know what to do with it when he was given it. It was nice now, though - right now, Frankie felt seen. Very fucking seen, to an intimidating degree. “Hm.” If there’d anything Frankie had ever been passionate about once upon a time, it’d been music. As time wore on, life bore its full weight on Frankie, and they’d given up - really, everything. But it made their heart skip a beat with excitement to be back in the thick of it, open invite to pull up a chair and join the club. Playing the song Dante had been working on, Frankie’s brows rose. It hadn’t been what they were expecting - nothing like they listened to. Glancing at Dante over their shoulder, they flashed him a tentative grin, “I don’t know - much. About this. Music, anymore. But it’s good… it sounds like - it reminds me a lot of, um, the music… my dad made.” Apparently Frankie was sharing all sorts of information today - maybe birthdays suddenly made him sentimental. Or he was having a stroke. Dante had that effect on him. “He was a, uh… kinda big deal. In France. Every time I’d visit him he’d say - Le monde, mon fils. Je possèdai le monde.” They quoted in quick French, replicating their dad’s accent with ease. “I actually think - he’d really like you.” The next few seconds, Frankie focused in on the song. Listened to where there was something amiss, something notable enough that it was clear - There it is, that’s it! But nothing stood out to them. It was a good song for all intents and purposes, but if Dante was as passionate as he seemed to be about it, Frankie could understand the frustration. “C’mere.” They said, nodding their head to summon Dante closer. “Quick - c’mon, come, I wanna show you something.” Waiting for him to finally make his way over, Frankie didn’t give Dante any sort of heads up before placing their hands over his eyes. “It doesn’t sound like - it’s missing… anything. Except, uh, maybe you. Just - I think it’d sound… nice. With you on it. Keep your eyes… closed. And listen. Okay?” Trusting Dante to listen to instruction, Frankie dropped his hand before restarting the song over again, watching Dante’s features - trying to gauge if he was hearing anything new. Anything less, anything more, if he was really imagining himself on it. Maybe he’d hate the suggestion, but it obviously meant the world to him. If Frankie had it his way, he’d add more of Dante to everything, might as well suggest it for the song he was stumped over. “Either way, you should get - a new perspective. Distraction, or. Deal with something, uh… new. Give it a rest for the… rest of the night. Before coming back. It’ll be brand new again.”

[toadstoolgardens]

Low-Maintenance Gardening

There are so many reasons to choose a low-maintenance garden. Gardening should be a peaceful and fulfilling hobby, not something that adds stress or causes pain. A beautiful, bountiful, low-maintenance harvest is possible!

Annual Crops for the Low-Maintenance Garden

These set it and forget it crops have a long season, don't need a lot of babying, and usually get harvested all at once. Many of these can also be grown in raised beds, and some in containers (potatoes grow great in a 5 gallon bucket!!) if that's best for you.

Ideal Annual Crops: These can all go into cold storage for up to 8 months.

Garlic

Onions

Potatoes

Sweet Potatoes

Winter Squash

Beans

Pretty Good Annual Crops: These need some attention after harvesting for them to last as long as possible.

Broccoli

Brussels Sprouts

Cabbage ^^^Refrigerate these 3

Watermelon (Go into cold storage whole and last 2-3 weeks)

Tomatoes (You can grow determinate tomato varieties for a bumper crop that's harvested all at once. Sit tomatoes at room temperature 2-3 days and then process. Freeze, can, make sauce with them, etc.)

Herbs for the Low-Maintenance Garden

Herbs are the ultimate low-maintenance crop. So many options and they don't mind being ignored and can easily be grown in containers.

Ideal Herbs: These herbs are perennials and come back every year with just a little work on your part. All you need to do is prune them down to 5 inches once in the late spring and once around August to keep them growing indefinitely!

Chives

Oregano

Thyme

Rosemary (If you live in hardiness zones 7-10)

Pretty Good Herbs: These are annual herbs so you'll have to plant them each year. Both of these are also favorites of pollinators and beneficial insects!

Basil (put basil sprigs in a glass of water in the kitchen, change the water every few days, and after a while they should root for easy planting)

Cilantro

Fruits for the Low-Maintenance Garden

If you have the space and means to grow fruit trees or shrubs, they're an excellent low-maintenance choice. They bear a crop year after year with a little pruning (prune once or twice a year) and adding some compost or organic matter (once a year).

Ideal Fruits: These have a long storage life and require little processing after harvesting.

Apples

Citrus Fruits

Grapes

Pears

Pretty Good Fruits: These have much shorter storage life.

Berries (Grow a ton of fruit without much coaxing, but highly perishable so need to be eaten or frozen/processed after harvest)

Pawpaws (If you live in hardiness zones 5-9)

Plums

Some Tips for Low-Maintenance Gardening

Spend 15 minutes a day in the garden, whenever possible. This daily visit doesn't have to be spent working, especially if you're lacking energy, time, spoons, etc. It can be spent observing, enjoying, and just being in the garden, which is just as important as the doing!! Notice the changes as the days, weeks, and seasons change. Enjoy the plants, insects, birds, and other critters you've invited into your garden.

Mulch like a motherfucker. After planting, mulch that garden! A good mulching keeps weeds at bay, making less work for you.

Stagger harvest windows. Plan your planting times so you only have one or a few crops coming to harvest at the same time. This also allows for full appreciation and enjoyment of each crop, hopefully without burnout or overwhelm!

Put it on the calendar. Write down planting, harvesting, and pruning windows for each crop.

Most importantly, BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. Gardening, even a low-maintenance garden, is hard! You will lose plants. You will lose crops. You will make mistakes and have failures. You weren't able to get to the garden and all your sprouts died? That's totally okay and you can always start them again! You weren't able to harvest in time and the birds got all your berries? You're welcome, birds! Do your best, do what you're able, and you're doing amazing!!💖

Source

[headspace-hotel]

There, in the sunlit forest on a high ridgeline, was a tree I had never seen before.

I spend a lot of time looking at trees. I know my beech, sourwood, tulip poplar, sassafras and shagbark hickory. Appalachian forests have such a diverse tree community that for those who grew up in or around the ancient mountains, forests in other places feel curiously simple and flat.

Oaks: red, white, black, bur, scarlet, post, overcup, pin, chestnut, willow, chinkapin, and likely a few others I forgot. Shellbark, shagbark and pignut hickories. Sweetgum, serviceberry, hackberry, sycamore, holly, black walnut, white walnut, persimmon, Eastern redcedar, sugar maple, red maple, silver maple, striped maple, boxelder maple, black locust, stewartia, silverbell, Kentucky yellowwood, blackgum, black cherry, cucumber magnolia, umbrella magnolia, big-leaf magnolia, white pine, scrub pine, Eastern hemlock, redbud, flowering dogwood, yellow buckeye, white ash, witch hazel, pawpaw, linden, hornbeam, and I could continue, but y'all would never get free!

And yet, this tree is different.

We gather around the tree as though surrounding the feet of a prophet. Among the couple dozen of us, only a few are much younger than forty. Even one of the younger men, who smiles approvingly and compliments my sharp eye when I identify herbs along the trail, has gray streaking his beard. One older gentleman scales the steep ridge slowly, relying on a cane for support.

The older folks talk to us young folks with enthusiasm. They brighten when we can call plants and trees by name and list their virtues and importance. "You're right! That's Smilax." "Good eye!" "Do you know what this is?—Yes, Eupatorium, that's a pollinator's paradise." "Are you planning to study botany?"

The tree we have come to see is not like the tall and pillar-like oaks that surround us. It is still young, barely the diameter of a fence post. Its bark is gray and forms broad stripes like rivulets of water down smooth rock. Its smooth leaves are long, with thin pointed teeth along their edges. Some of the group carefully examine the bark down to the ground, but the tree is healthy and flourishing, for now.

This tree is among the last of its kind.

The wood of the American Chestnut was once used to craft both cradles and coffins, and thus it was known as the "cradle-to-grave tree." The tree that would hold you in entering this world and in leaving it would also sustain your body throughout your life: each tree produced a hundred pounds of edible nuts every winter, feeding humans and all the other creatures of the mountains. In the Appalachian Mountains, massive chestnut trees formed a third of the overstory of the forest, sometimes growing larger than six feet in diameter.

They are a keystone species, and this is my first time seeing one alive in the wild.

It's a sad story. But I have to tell you so you will understand.

At the turn of the 20th century, the chestnut trees of Appalachia were fundamental to life in this ecosystem, but something sinister had taken hold, accidentally imported from Asia. Cryphonectria parasitica is a pathogenic fungus that infects chestnut trees. It co-evolved with the Chinese chestnut, and therefore the Chinese chestnut is not bothered much by the fungus.

The American chestnut, unlike its Chinese sister, had no resistance whatsoever.

They showed us slides with photos of trees infected with the chestnut blight earlier. It looks like sickly orange insulation foam oozing through the bark of the trees. It looks like that orange powder that comes in boxes of Kraft mac and cheese. It looks wrong. It means death.

The chestnut plague was one of the worst ecological disasters ever to occur in this place—which is saying something. And almost no one is alive who remembers it. By the end of the 1940's, by the time my grandparents were born, approximately three to four billion American chestnut trees were dead.

The Queen of the Forest was functionally extinct. With her, at least seven moth species dependent on her as a host plant were lost forever, and no one knows how much else. She is a keystone species, and when the keystone that holds a structure in place is removed, everything falls.

Appalachia is still falling.

Now, in some places, mostly-dead trees tried to put up new sprouts. It was only a matter of time for those lingering sprouts of life.

But life, however weak, means hope.

I learned that once in a rare while, one of the surviving sprouts got lucky enough to successfully flower and produce a chestnut. And from that seed, a new tree could be grown. People searched for the still-living sprouts and gathered what few chestnuts could be produced, and began growing and breeding the trees.

Some people tried hybridizing American and Chinese chestnuts and then crossing the hybrids to produce purer American strains that might have some resistance to the disease. They did this for decades.

And yet, it wasn't enough. The hybrid trees were stronger, but not strong enough.

Extinction is inevitable. It's natural. There have been at least five mass extinctions in Earth's history, and the sixth is coming fast. Many people accepted that the American chestnut was gone forever. There had been an intensive breeding program, summoning all the natural forces of evolution to produce a tree that could survive the plague, and it wasn't enough.

This has happened to more species than can possibly be counted or mourned. And every species is forced to accept this reality.

Except one.

We are a difficult motherfucker of a species, aren't we? If every letter of the genome's book of life spelled doom for the Queen of the Forest, then we would write a new ending ourselves. Research teams worked to extract a gene from wheat and implant it in the American chestnut, in hopes of creating an American chestnut tree that could survive.

This project led to the Darling 58, the world's first genetically modified organism to be created for the purpose of release into the wild.

The Darling 58 chestnut is not immune, the presenters warned us. It does become infected with the blight. And some trees die. But some live.

And life means hope.

In isolated areas, some surviving American Chestnut trees have been discovered, most of them still very young. The researchers hope it is possible that some of these trees may have been spared not because of pure luck, but because they carry something in their genes that slows the blight in doing its deadly work, and that possibly this small bit of innate resistance can be shaped and combined with other efforts to create a tree that can live to grow old.

This long, desperate, multi-decade quest is what has brought us here. The tree before me is one such tree: a rare survivor. In this clearing, a number of other baby chestnut trees have been planted by human hands. They are hybrids of the Darling 58 and the best of the best Chinese/American hybrids. The little trees are as prepared for the blight as we can possibly make them at this time. It is still very possible that I will watch them die. Almost certainly, I will watch this tree die, the one that shades us with her young, stately limbs.

Some of the people standing around me are in their 70's or 80's, and yet, they have no memory of a world where the Queen of the Forest was at her full majesty. The oldest remember the haunting shapes of the colossal dead trees looming as if in silent judgment.

I am shaken by this realization. They will not live to see the baby trees grow old. The people who began the effort to save the American chestnut devoted decades of their lives to these little trees, knowing all the while they likely never would see them grow tall. Knowing they would not see the work finished. Knowing they wouldn't be able to be there to finish it. Knowing they wouldn't be certain if it could be finished.

When the work began, the technology to complete it did not exist. In the first decades after the great old trees were dead, genetic engineering was a fantasy.

But those that came before me had to imagine that there was some hope of a future. Hope set the foundation. Now that little spark of hope is a fragile flame, and the torch is being passed to the next generation.

When a keystone is removed, everything suffers. What happens when a keystone is put back into place? The caretakers of the American chestnut hope that when the Queen is restored, all of Appalachia will become more resilient and able to adapt to climate change.

Not only that, but this experiment in changing the course of evolution is teaching us lessons and skills that may be able to help us save other species.

It's just one tree—but it's never just one tree. It's a bear successfully raising cubs, chestnut bread being served at a Cherokee festival, carbon being removed from the atmosphere and returned to the Earth, a wealth of nectar being produced for pollinators, scientific insights into how to save a species from a deadly pathogen, a baby cradle being shaped in the skilled hands of an Appalachian crafter. It's everything.

Despair is individual; hope is an ecosystem. Despair is a wall that shuts out everything; hope is seeing through a crack in that wall and catching a glimpse of a single tree, and devoting your life to chiseling through the wall towards that tree, even if you know you will never reach it yourself.

An old man points to a shaft of light through the darkness we are both in, toward a crack in the wall. "Do you see it too?" he says. I look, and on the other side I see a young forest full of sunlight, with limber, pole-size chestnut trees growing toward the canopy among the old oaks and hickories. The chestnut trees are in bloom with fuzzy spikes of creamy white, and bumblebees heavy with pollen move among them. I tell the man what I see, and he smiles.

"When I was your age, that crack was so narrow, all I could see was a single little sapling on the forest floor," he says. "I've been chipping away at it all my life. Maybe your generation will be the one to finally reach the other side."

Hope is a great work that takes a lifetime. It is the hardest thing we are asked to do, and the most essential.

I am trying to show you a glimpse of the other side. Do you see it too?

[ahedderick]

   I’ve been enjoying all the pawpaw posts floating around Tumblr, but let’s not forget the humble ground cherry. There are apparently a lot of related species that are so similar as to be difficult to tell apart, and they grow across the continental US and even Hawaii.

They are very tasty! Also frost-proof, you can find them when there’s snow on the ground and they’re still good to eat. I grow them in a flower bed near the house so I don’t have to hunt for them ‘in the wild’.

This site: https://www.bountifulgardener.com/when-are-ground-cherries-ripe/   seemed to have more info and looked accurate to me.

   I know some people cook them into jam or pie, but my local variety doesn’t taste good cooked, only fresh. I found that out the hard way, after preparing 6 cups of the little bastards and cooking them into rank, yucky pie filling.

@headspace-hotel​ perhaps of interest to you.

[twstarchives]

Happy Birthday・Epel

Card: Birthday Attire - SSR Characters: Epel & Yuu. Mentioned: Vil, Leona

Chapter 1

—POMEFIORE DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

NRC Campus News Interview with the Birthday Student ~Epel ver.~

Yuu: Happy birthday!

Epel: Thank you. I feel a little embarrassed... I’ll get people coming up and wishing me a happy birthday just by walking through the halls.

Did your family do anything to celebrate?

Epel: Yeah, they sent a letter and a bunch of apples.

My family lives on an apple farm that’s been around for generations. We grow all kinds of varieties all year round, so they send me some this time of year too.

But there were way too many for one person to eat, so I’ve been handing them out to people I know around the school...

I passed them out to all my classmates and the magift club, but I’ve still got some left over.

Please let me know if you know of anybody who might want to take a few.

Could you tell us about your family next?

Epel: Mawmaw and Pawpaw—er, I mean! There’s my mother and father, my grandfather, grandmother...

My great-grandma, my uncle and his wife and son. We all live together.

All of us work on the farm. But it’s so huge that we’re still kind of short on hands.

Since the neighborhood’s made up of farmers, everyone helps each other out during the busy season.

We all feel really close because of that, like we’re one big family.

We have a thank-you party for everyone after the busiest harvest season of the year. Everyone brings their harvests, or small dishes...

It’s huge celebration, almost like a festival! Gee, there ain’t nothin’ as fun as—ah! I mean, it’s a lot of fun... I think?

Is it difficult to harvest the apples?

Epel: The apple trees on my family’s farm are really tall, so I guess it is... maybe. It’s real tiring going up and down the ladder.

But not when you use magic. You can hop a broom and fly from tree to tree, which makes picking them really easy.

My grandma and great-grandma can use magic, so they’ve always been the ones in charge of the high-up places.

When I was little, I really wanted to help the two of them, so everyday I got on a broom and jumped up and down...

Then one day, I really flew!

Ever since then the three of us have been doing any harvesting you need to fly for.

Chapter 2

—POMEFIORE DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

What’s your favorite food?

Epel: BBQ! It’s so darn divine! Gets my mouth waterin’, it’s that good!

Back home we’d round up my family ‘n the neighborhood folk, all the parents, ‘n kids ‘n do a whole lotta barbecues, all of us.

We’d all sink our teeth into the chunks o’ meat we grilled over the charcoal.

There ain’t nothin’ better than wolfin’ ‘em down like that!

Also ‘cause our vegetables are fresh that day, grillin’ them is enough to get ‘em nice and sweet.

So they’re real delicious without needin’ to add anythin’ to ‘em!

I can tell you really love it.

Epel: Ah...! B-But, actually, I love macarons the most...

What do you like about macarons?

Epel: Th-They’re cute, you know? And sweet, and they have all kinds of flavors...

...They’re not really filling, though.

What else do you like besides food?

Epel: Magical wheels... maybe.

They look mighty, and their movements are powerful too. And yet they can make such swift turns...

When I was little, I thought “Those look so cool!” and dreamt about getting one.

Sometimes the people who own one in my neighborhood let me ride on theirs.

The first time I got to go on one, it left me so excited I couldn’t sleep that night.

Ahh... Someday I want to have one of my own.

Chapter 3

—POMEFIORE DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

What club are you in?

Epel: The magical shift club. It’s so much fun!

It’s exciting going up against players bigger than me, and there’s nothing more motivating than scoring a goal!

But I really sucked when I first joined, and I’d get hurt any time I tried going in for the disc...

Vil-san would give me an earful for “not taking care of myself” whenever I’d scratch up my nose or cheeks.

Since I was always getting scolded, I stopped going after the disc head-on and instead practised a style where I make surprise attacks on my opponents.

And just the other day, I managed to nicely dodge a player that was trying to stop me...! I was so proud of myself~!

On top of that, Leona-san told me that I could play in our next game!

I don’t get hurt or get scolded by Vil-san as much anymore, so I think I’ve improved a lot since I first joined!

Be careful about getting hurt, okay?

Epel: Thank you, but I’ll be fine. Nobody’s got more guts than me!

I’ve been teased my whole life for seeming “weak” just because of how I look...

But I kept going up against students older and stronger than me without ever giving up... and finally, I turned the tables on every single one of them!

Soon I started getting called “The Poisoned Apple of the Felmier Family” around the school.

It means “despite how he looks, he’s fearsome and persistent.” Ahaha.

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. Once again, happy birthday!

[shiningstages]

Not to be a huge debbie downer or anything, but I honestly don’t know when I’ll be on here for the foreseeable future, because bad stuff has just been happening lately (reason below - tw: hospitals, tw: gore mention, tw: grandparents / old people) (it’s bunches of family drama too, so be warned I  may not sound the nicest down there)

Both of my grandparents on my mom’s side are in the hospital right now. My pawpaw (as I call my grandpa), had been slowly deteriorating for months now - for a year or two actually, with growing dementia and jumping to past events, and absentmindedly (again, tw: gore mention) chewing his fingers off literally. I’ve seen his hands change and it’s not the most fun to say the least. He’s only been in and out of hospitals and service homes for I guess half a year? But he’s really gone downhill these last couple weeks though, not breathing well but being lucid enough to refuse breathing help like a tube, and plenty of other things I won’t really say (even though my grandma loves to text every detail to everyone).

My granna (my grandma; her name’s anna, so granna) fell in the hospital parking lot just now. Got staples in because she had a bit of blood on her brain; only let my mom know about it so as “not to worry the rest of the family”. My mom’s driving over to the hospital (while a tropical storm is coming through! yay!) to be with her in case decisions need to be made on her part.

And, to be perfectly honestly, I absolutely don’t care, while also feeling frustrated and upset about it. This side of my family has never really been kind (for the most part; one uncle and a couple cousins are cool, one of which being the cousin that introduced me to tumblr rp and everything, so I’m very thankful and kinda close to her still). When I was a little kid I never really noticed, but in my middle / high school years, and especially as an adult, these people just haven’t really cared about my immediate family at all. Most of this is emotional / mental abuse towards my mother during her time at the family business (stuff I won’t get into because it’s not my place), but also just not wanting to be a part of our lives and not including us in theirs, to the point where (as the adult I am now) they just feel like distant strangers. I’m not saying my grandparents specifically are in the latter camp; they’ve expressed love for my brother and I throughout the years. But as my grandpa had really started to mellow out / not really take in the world too much outside of food and the occasional conversation, my grandmother had gotten more noticeably self-centered with every remark. It didn’t help that my mom’s relationship with them worsened and I saw and heard her feelings firsthand about what kind of people they were versus what had changed or stayed the same about them, but they have truly felt so distant for the past few years especially.

Yet, despite that, and despite feeling much more okay about their passing once it happens, I know I’ll still be upset about it. I know that, despite her feelings, my mom is upset about it and will become more upset by it once it happens. My brother has so much more empathy and love for them than I can muster; he sobbed just looking at our grandfather when he agreed to go up and visit on Monday. I know other family members that I haven’t seen in years - in a couple cases probably a literal decade - will have varying degrees of feelings over it as well. And I know that’s all understandable and okay. That I don’t love these two people as much as I did anymore, and that I know I’m more upset for the people I love much more hurting around me. But that I’m still feeling upset over it, whether through the remnants of love I have for these people, or for the outpouring of love and comfort I want to give to my immediate family when the time comes.

My grandparents on my dad’s side died really suddenly. In the hospital for less than a week each (granted a few years apart from one another), and then suddenly they were gone. Really finally understanding the flipside of it with my grandfather - the slow crawl and loss of functions or mobility - only kind of makes my feelings on this worse. In part because - I know I’ve probably sounded really rude, but forgive me for sounding extremely rude and distasteful - I expected him to die so many times already, knowing that nobody (not even himself) likes how he’s living now. And then my grandmother reaching out to my mom for support once more, when that’s all she’s ever done...it really feels too annoying and heartbreaking. Find a different person who cares.

I just really needed to vent about this. I know this isn’t the best place for it, but I don’t want to clog friend discords with it since so much has been happening everywhere as is. If besties see this especially, hello and I love you bunches~ I’ll probably still respond to discord stuff, just know I may not be in the highest of spirits.

[theficplug]

l Next Lifetime l Erik Killmonger l

warnings: none, but the usual 18+ for the eventual smut and a possible tw for grief but i promise it gets better and its a romcom

synopsis: reader grieves Erik until she doesn’t (i’m trying not give too much away). I really want to make it a series that i actually keep up with (sorry Girls Trip readers) because I have up to part 4 written. alright thats all i hope yall vibe with it. 

erik killmonger x black reader 

Every night since Erik crossed over into the ancestral plane he has visited you in your dreams. You went through every single stage of grief before you began to accept the facts. 

At first you sat and festered in your anger for him and refused to talk to him. The audacity of him,  after you begged him not to follow through with the idiotic plan of trying to take on all of Wakanda. 

You told him that his ideas and his heart would’ve been in the right place had they not have been clouded by rage and carrying years of hurt and anguish. You understood where he was coming from but you knew and he knew that the way he was going about it was only going to leave him with one ending. 

He loved you more than anything but once his mind was made up about something there was nothing in Heaven or Earth that could change it. 

You knew that he would have to see it through even if that meant to his own demise . 

On the first night you would be lying if you said that you didn’t cuss him out for leaving you like that and going off and getting himself killed. You told him that he had done the same thing to you that “King” Azzuri had done to his father. Left you feeling alone and to deal with the loss of not having your heart with you. 

“I COULD HAVE LOVED YOU THE WAY YOU WANTED TO BE LOVED. I COULDN’T HAVE LOVED YOU MORE EACH DAY IF I TRIED. FUCK YOU E. THAT WAS SO DAMN SELFISH OF YOU. FUCK YOU. I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. AND YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO INVADE MY DREAMS LIKE THIS. YOU AREN’T EVEN REAL.” you would yell into his face and watch as his demeanor was a lot different there. 

It was as if his Earthside worries didn’t bother him as much his face seemed much more relaxed and his scars had healed over. 

You would run your fingers over his chest as the tears well in your eyes and you take in the sigh of him for a moment. 

“I know… It wouldn’t have been enough. I couldn’t contain it. It felt like something had come over me . Possessed by the idea of revenge. I needed it. I felt like my father’s memory was worth avenging until I sat down with him here. He and moms sounded a lot like you at first. They were pissed off, but they understood. The ancestors told me that “a child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth”. I wanted their warmth at first. To know what it would feel like to have what T’Challa and Shuri got to experience their whole lives. But it was something about the heat of fury that felt different. But I realized somethin’.  On this side, don’t none of that matters. None of it. The only thing I see and think of is you and how I wished I would have focused on growing old with you instead.” he explains and you fall into his arms to let out the sob that you had been holding in for a while.

You wake up in the dark room in cold sweats and gasping for air. You realized that you had been crying in your sleep and wiped your eyes before trying to shake it off and smack at your phone to get the alarm to stop. 

For weeks it would go on like this every night. You would settle into bed and fade into hues of reds and purples as you wander around finding him sitting in different sections of the flowers and creeks. He was holding a little bouquet of random tulips and wildflowers in his hand for you. 

You settle on the grass next to him and rest your head on his shoulder as he turns to kiss your head. 

“You ever wonder what life would be like if it wasn’t like this? If we could truly do anything, be anything and not have to worry about everything else.” you ask him and he takes your hand in his. 

He looks at you pondering your question for a moment before tucking a lilac into your hair.

“Nah, I can’t let myself think like that because I'll get stuck in wishing I were there. Instead of getting to enjoy these moments and building my own lil slice of heaven with you.” he says quietly thinking things over before leaning into kissing you softly. 

You wipe at the tear falling down his cheek before replacing your thumb with a kiss. 

“Take me back to being 6 years old in the cool murky ass Toll Plaza waters,feeling weightless, not caring about a damn thing.”

 “We’re reaching out for each other with our popsicle stained hands and laughing at shit that doesn't even make sense but it made sense to us. My gramps yelling at us to not go too far out so that he can get to us. We called him crab pawpaw for the rest of the day...What I wouldn't give to be sitting on my grandmother’s porch swing, trading cards with you. Our birthday is coming up soon. I’m going to miss getting charms from you.” you say to him softly as you run your fingers through his thicker beard and take in every second that you get with him. 

“I’ve been promised that I can give you something more special than a charm. You gotta just trust that everything gon’ be alright.” he reassures you and pulls you closer into his arms 

“GIRL IF YOU DON’T GET UP RIGHT NOW. YOU LEFT THE ROAST IN THE OVEN-” your best friend Tika yelled from the kitchen as she flailed around with the extinguisher and you wake up puzzled for a moment before letting out an “oh shit”. You remember that you laid down on the couch  to scroll while your roast baked and the next thing you know, you were sleeping and that that old ass oven is smoking. 

You spring up from the couch grabbing a towel and fanning the fire alarms trying to get them to stop blaring before the Super comes pounding at your door. 

“Alright. Alright, stop hollering. I was trying to surprise you with a nice dinner to thank you for being there for me over the last 9 months. I know it ain't been easy having me mope around and not be myself. I swear I sat down for 10 minutes tops and I was just flat out asleep. Them doubles at work has been kicking my ass and grad school-.” you explain and Tika shakes her head.

She puts the extinguisher down and holds up her hands. “When my dad passed junior year of college, you and your entire family were there for me and my mom. You guys made sure that we had food for weeks and were able to make rent on time and everything in between. I know what grief looks like. I couldn’t imagine losing the love of my life like that. I know that we didn’t know Erik like you knew him but the way you talk about him. You’ve convinced me that he hung the moon itself in the sky.” she reassures you and you nod while looking over at the blackened roast that's sitting in the pan, burnt to a crisp. 

“It’s only 6:30. Wong’s is still open. I'll just go get something real quick. Do you want vegetable noodles and the teriyaki chicken again?” you ask as you pull on your shoes and grab your umbrella. 

“Surprise meeee and you owe me flan for cleaning up this messss.” She sing songs as she grabs the mop.

“Leave it up to a theatre major to turn nearly burning down our apartment into a song. I got you.” you reply, laughing on your way out the door. 

You couldn’t shake what Erik had told you in your dream this time though. He had been promised that he could give you something better than a charm. What the hell did that mean though? You were sure you were probably just overly stressed and exhausted from working and classes. You were going to enjoy your birthday beach trip this weekend with your friends and try to put everything else behind you. 

Somehow as lost in your thoughts as you were you managed to make it to Wong’s and back home just in time to greet an overly dramatic Iridia at the door. 

“What the hell happened here?” she asks, sitting down her bags and surveying the burnt roast and little residues of foam still left to clean. 

“She fell asleep and almost turned our overpriced condo into dust.” Tika answers for you and you give her a small nod.

“I got you spicy egg rolls?” you offer and she hesitantly takes her order from you with a small smile.

“Got something to lift your spirits. It’s new dresses to wear this weekend cause girl I get it. I do, but grey is just not your colour sweets. You’ve got yellow undertones, you need scarlet reds, ochre. Something, not, this…” she trails off pointing at your baggy sweats and oversized sweatshirt. 

You laugh softly at her bluntness finding it kind of nice that some things have remained normal. 

“Whaaat? I thought this was hermit chic?” you retort sarcastically. 

“Thank you. That’s almost sweet of you.” you reply by taking the bags from her. You look at the red mesh dress and admit that if there’s one thing about Iridia is that her bougie self got style and you missed getting dressed up. 

 You thank the girls one final time before retiring to your room to finish some of your assignments up. You look over at the clock and notice that it’s 2 am. You crack open the fortune cookie on your nightstand and eye the quote etched across the small piece of paper 

“Pfft. If only that damn 10$ that i lost last week could circle back around to me. That’d be nice.” you thought to yourself before closing your laptop and trying to get some rest to have enough energy for this weekend. 

As you settle in the usual hues of lavender, violet, and scarlet come into view and you are taken into the field of flowers and you giggle as the butterflies land on your shoulder and one on the tip of your finger. 

Your plan worked. You only thought about E’s favourite double chocolate cake and hoped that you’d be able to bring it into your dreams with you.

You carried it proudly as you scan the field of flowers and beautiful willow trees for him. 

“E? E ! Happy Birthday to us! E. Where you at?” you call for him and look around but he’s nowhere to be found. You sat on a large boulder by the water hoping that he was just exploring and would find you eventually. 

You didn’t get much sleep that night after waking up shivering and in tears thinking about how the only connection you two still had left was broken. 

You do eventually fall back to sleep only to dream about running across campus and being late to a final even though you were nearly done entirely with university. 

A few restless hours later and you were already dressed and enjoying your fresh brew while watching the world awaken from the kitchen window. 

“Good morning.” you startle Iridia and Tika who were trying to sneak into the kitchen with breakfast and set everything up for you. 

“Damn we can’t get anything past your insomniatic self. Buon compleanno bambina!” Tika says sliding on her little party hat. 

“You’re wearing the dress! You look so pretty and is that eyeshadow I see on you? Okay lemme find out our girl is slowly coming back to herself.” Iridia says smiling at you. 

“Thank you, do I smell pancakes?” you question and they laugh as they hand over the box to you. 

After you have all gone over plans for the little weekend trip you grab your bags and are ready to hit the road. 

It was only an hour to The Smith’s beach house for the weekend but all 3 of you were well stocked with snacks and playlists. 

“We are heerrrreeeeee” Tika announces while parking the car.  

You get settled into the lavish and snazzy beach home, courtesy of Iridia’s parents. You hadn’t been since junior year of college and was just glad to be in a different setting.

“They said that the wine bar is open to us and we can have the party here as long as it looks the same as when we found it.” Iridia says already getting ready to change into her neon bikini to compliment her rich complexion and hit the beach. 

“What, it’s summer? You never know who the winds of adventure are going to blow in-”

 “FUCK MEEEE” you both hear Tika call from the bathroom down the hall. 

“HUN?” you call back and you both laugh at the long sigh followed by “guess who Mother Nature decided to surprise 2 weeks early? I didn’t even think about it and didn’t pack any tampons.” she explains

“On it. I’ll be back in like .2 seconds in the meantime toilet paper pad it and figure out which boutiques we’re going to damage our savings with first.” you say before hearing Tika’s protests. 

“It’s your birthday. I’ll go.” Iri suggests and you shake your head. “I love y’all but it’s our first birthday that we don’t get to spend together apart from when he joined the military and I know he wasn’t perfect and he had his flaws but I really wish that I could get to hug him once more. To make him feel special even if just for a second… So please, I'll get the tampons. I could use the fresh air.” you say quickly dabbing at the tears prickling the corners of your eyes. Iri pulls you in for a hug before nodding and starting the conversation with Tika through the door about if she would prefer to go for the street festival first or the carnival games.

- - - -

You pull at the top of the sundress getting it to hit just right and not fall down as you make your way down the aisle of the market and pick up a few things that y’all might need for the weekend like the small cups for shots, fresh fruits for your ‘cure to a hangover’ smoothies, and food. 

You pick up a small double chocolate cake with ‘happy birthday’ written in cerulean letters.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry ma. I don’t mean to bother you right now but  I got a head splitting migraine right now and can’t find the Advil for nothing and was hoping maybe you’d know which aisle? That’s what I get for listening to my friends talking bout,  drink “the beast”. Niggas had me dreaming in colours and flowers. I felt like I was traveling through space or something... It’s my birthday too. Happy Birthday “ you hear the man ranting away behind you and his voice reminds you of E’s. You chuckle softly to yourself before turning away from the cakes to see the man's face. 

You let out a loud scream and drop the cake on the ground . It crumbles instantly across your sandals and everything fades to black before you faint. 

When you came to you were sitting in the break room of the market with Erik and the store managers who were opening a ginger ale for you and asking if you were okay. 

You nod slowly, coming to, and closing your eyes again to count to 5 as they leave the room. 

“This can not be happening. I know that this is not happening right now.” you say to yourself and you look up at him again to see that he’s still standing there. 

“It’s hot as fuck outside. You probably just got a lil overheated. This ginger ale is cold so you should be alright.” Erik says to you and you shakily take the ginger ale from him. 

“Who are you? I don’t know what kind of joke this is or who put you up to this, or if my girls thought that this, whatever this is would be funny but it’s not. It’s really insensitive.” you say as tears fill your eyes again. 

“I’m N’Jadaka Stevens? My parents, I’m adopted, but those are my parents regardless, own Aloha Oakland so you ain’t gotta worry about paying for this” he gives you the bags of items you collected before you fainted.

“ I just wanted to make sure you’re alright. I never come down here so I don’t really know where shit is in this place. I'm actually here with my own friends, celebrating my birthday. So, I don’t really know what’s going on. You good?” he asks again before asking you to follow his finger. 

You wrap your arms around him and break down sobbing. “Happy Birthday.” you whisper to him and he looks at you puzzled for a moment. 

“Ma, you lowkey weird but everybody needs a hug and I can’t have my birthday twin crying on her special day so come here.” he says squeezing you a little tighter. 

“If you’re here through the weekend. I’ll catch you around. Try to stay out of the heat but if you go out try to keep something cold with you to drink so you don’t pass out again.” he advises and you take him all in. 

 You slowly give him a once-over noticing that his hair was now faded and it was neatly lined up on the sides connecting with his beard. He slid off his hoodie and left the black tank top underneath, you quickly noticed that there were no scars or keloids. His jaw was unclenched and there was no vein popping from his forehead. There was a serene and relaxed look etched across his face despite him stating that he had a migraine earlier.

“But shiiit if you don’t mind. Can I get your number? Cause for some reason. I don’t know why I feel like I know you? To be honest I don’t remember much from before being adopted.” he admits 

You nod your head before putting your number into his phone and you grab your bags and quickly make your way to your car. 

You breathe in deeply through your nose before looking around. “I’m losing my fucking mind.” you say to yourself quietly. “I gotta be. This can’t- This can’t be happening right now.” you say resting your head on your steering wheel.

- - - -

“What happened to you? It’s been like an hour almost. Are you okay?” Iri questions as she eyes you and the bags. 

“I just. I fainted that’s all and they wanted to make sure I was okay before going home.” you explain and Tika thanks you for the tampons as Iridia overly dramatic self sighs and presses her hand to your forehead. 

“Poor thing, I knew I should’ve gone with you. Sit down, I’ll get you a cold glass of Stella Rose.” she says laughing at the wine part and walking to the kitchen. 

Group Text from DakaStevens84: Party @ Royal Rochelle’s Roller Rink. Yes, the roller rink cause who says you’re too old for a roller rink? Come skate fast and shake ya ass.

You laugh softly at the message knowing that this is something that he would’ve totally wanted to do but never took his eye off his plan or gave himself time to just breathe and be. 

“My fault.  It’s Daka from Aloha Oakland btw. My friend Orleans really tryna go through with this. Man a whole ass party planner and this the best he could come up with. Y’all can still come through though if you want. I wouldn’t complain if I got to see you again, and them pretty ass coffee eyes.” he texts to you and you smile softly at the butterflies fluttering in your stomach while looking at the text

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” you ask Iri as Tika joins you at the bar.

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