#lots of girls play league and don't say shit about their gender

[leagueoflegends-confessions]

From one girl to another: nobody cares if you're a girl and play League. We play for the game, not for someone to throw their gender identity around. If I wanted to know about you, I'd ask, but I really don't care. The only reason people actually respond to the "I'm a girl statement" is because they're fucking tired of it, even I am tired of it. We just want to play the damn game and hopefully win.

Artwork by @mcdobo

[bunnozi]

7/11 - (soft dabi x reader) <3

summary:

dabi gets soft on your regular 4am trip to 7/11.

as a villain, there's always pros and cons.

for example, some cons may be: never being able to see your family. friends. anybody considered 'innocent. unless, of course, it's to kill them.

or, that could be a good thing. whatever floats your boat, I guess.

for you, the pros seemed worth it enough to abandon everything, everyone else. you ran away from home, ditched the shitty public school you attended that never seemed to appreciate your quirk enough--and started to play by your own rules.

no more curfew, nobody to say when you can and can't use your quirk, or HOW you use it. pure freedom.

like I said, the pros outweighed the cons.

××××

"hey! runt, come with me for a cigarette run, eh?"

ahh yes, how you ended up here. the fucking league of villains. past you from a short year ago would be ecstatic!

up with the big guys now, actually a part of something worth your while.

but back to the current situation...

it was normal for dabi to drag you along consistently for 4am 7/11 runs. you'd get some monster and him a pack of cigarettes, gum for toga (bubblegum, of course), whatever twice was in the mood for that night, (spinner secretly liked when you got him a pack of those barbecued meal works, but that was your little secret)--and shigaraki just sneered when you offered to bring him back something.

what a prick.

"brat! you got cotton in your ears or somethin'?" dabi shouts from across the room impatiently. "grab your shit, we're leaving in 5."

you give a small nod of your head and quickly jogged to throw on a hoodie lying around--most likely one of shiggy's--and pulled on your shoes.

dabi's waiting at the back door of the make-shift hideout when you look up, and then you're both off into the pitch black night.

×××

darkness used to scare you. especially because of your gender, the harsh, and often unforgiving world past dark used to be a nonexistent part of your life. you stayed away, like a good little girl.

you knew you had a strong quirk, with so much potential! but with no training or recognition from school, and your parents, it was almost useless.

but now with the league, who were better mentors than your stupid school could ever dream of being, you're better. stronger. not some weak little kid anymore.

it's amazing, really. the feeling of walking around at night in the dark, and not being fearful. because now you're the one to be feared.

walking around with dabi is especially empowering. not that you doubt yourself or your own strength, but it's an even bigger ego booster to be side by side with the blue flame user.

dare say, you may even have developed an attraction to him!

not just his quirk, or even his looks, but his personality drew you in. he's always been supportive of your decision to become independent, never says anything passive aggressive or judgmental like your parents! and overall, he's your number one 'hyper upper'. (side note: just say hype man, author).

soon, you can see the florescent lights of the 7/11 in the distance and will yourself to stop daydreaming.

"so, what's on the list for today?" you question the man next to you, rocking on your heels. he stops walking and shoves a hand in his pocket, rifling around. there's a crinkle of paper and a wadded up sticky note is fished out.

he unballs the list and squints down at it, clicking his teeth.

"wow, looks like handjob finally decided to stoop down to our 'rodent' level and ask for something," he gives a dick-ish smile, and it seems like the cutest thing in the world to you. anyone else might find his face scary, definitely gross, maybe even nauseating. but for your psychotic ass…seeing the way his cheeks crinkle and his eyes glint gives you butterflies in the stomach.

you laugh at his crude comment, shaking your head.

"damn, i was sure the next time i pestered him about it he'd turn me into dust." dabi turns unexpectedly serious for a moment, and you furrow your eyebrows in concern. had you said something wrong..?

"dabi...?"

dabi looks you dead in the eyes and turns to face you, taking a deep breath.

"just...don't worry, okay? i'd never let that jerk-off lay one of his greasy mitts on you. that's a promise! i know we mess around a lot, but-" he looks uncomfortable with the display of such emotion, but covers it up with false confidence. "-you matter to me, even with how irritating you can be.."

he raises a pinky expectantly, and you stand there mouth gaping. "well? gonna pinky promise me or not pipsqueak?" he smirks.

you blink a few times, as if to make sure you're not dreaming or tripping balls (food at the hideout is always questionable) and give a dumb nod, linking pinkies with him, his hands rough against yours.

you boldly grip a calloused hand in yours and tug him in after you, grinning all the way and arm swinging behind you. he chuckles while tightening the hold, and you both stroll through the glass doors at last.

dabi looks satisfied, and turns to the lit up building once again.

"now come on, we got shit to steal. coming? or you just gonna stand there and wait for them to call the cops?"

you snort and stare at him indignantly, "of-of course not! who do you take me for, some dumb hero?"

yeah, being a villain always has some cons. but the pros are always ever-sweeter.

[purple-spring]

Why do people act like CM is the ultimate milestone? Movie felt so flat to me. Alita and Wonder Woman are better movies showing 2 woman being strong and compassionate without letting audience know every 5 minutes they are women. Unfortunately since both don't have the Marvel stamp on it they're ignored while the former is put on a pedestal.

Before we begin, can I just say how freaking great it is that we can have this conversation? That we can actually compare these female-led superhero movies because there are more than one? What a time to be alive. Because regardless of whether we agree on this or not, the fact that we are having dialogue about this is progress. People might say that we shouldn’t have competition between these films, but you know what? Competition is a healthy indicator of quality. It means there’s more than one. It means that we can hold onto one more interpretation of the female experience. It means that there are diverse and excellent representations of womanhood within the current superhero framework that are courting the favour of cinema goers everywhere. So, I’m leading with that. I’m excited I got this ask, anon!

But anyway - on to the main points of contention.

I can’t speak on behalf of Alita, but I find it very difficult to believe that Wonder Woman was ignored and didn’t get the hype it deserved. Before Aquaman came out and smashed the box office, WW was DC’s biggest critical and commercial success. It was EVERYWHERE. It’s been two years since its release, hence the hype has died down, but for a moment there, it was The One. I blame clunky follow-up storytelling on DC’s part for the disruption to WW’s momentum (i.e. Justice League, but that still did well at the box office), but nevertheless, Wonder Woman is still a big-ass deal, and the second film is going to melt everyone’s faces off. #BringBackSteve

So, anyway, why is Captain Marvel being lauded as a huge thing? I feel like there are a number of factors that are conflating to make it a Milestone Moment™. Here are a few:

Our current socio-political climate means that we’re hungry for a Fearless Girl. We all want representation. Supply and demand. Simple. 

Marvel is currently hot shit. The Marvel base is huge. HUGE. I’m mainly a Riverdale blog and I mostly follow RD/aesthetic blogs, and Marvel still manages to cross over onto my dash. My friends aren’t “fandom fans” by any stretch, but they are constantly talking about Marvel theories. Now why is that? I’d have to say a lot of built-in public goodwill. There’s real trust that Marvel knows how to build a narrative and a universe with tight storylines and excellent marketing. DC is great, but doesn’t quite have the same track record. 

We all hate Thanos and want him to be punched with thunder girl fists. Captain Marvel is sandwiched between Infinity War and Endgame - an intense period of superhero angst. It’s riding on the anticipation building between those two, but it’s also setting up a new era for Marvel as a whole bunch of fan favourites prepare to bow out. The fans are hyped, and for good reason. Also, we just want all our faves to be okay. Captain Marvel has been set up as the answer to Thanos’ stupid face, and that’s awesome.

Brie Larson is an actual icon. When a woman uses her influence and platform for good, publicly shading an actor at THE OSCARS to show him and everyone else that she refuses to court the favour of someone who’s been accused of sexual harassment, I’m gonna stand up and cheer for that. The utter disdain she gave Casey Affleck was the greatest. And now I get to look up to her as an iconic superhero, one of the strongest in the MCU? *grabby hands* Give me more.

Actual, nuanced asylum seeker commentary in the guise of alien refugees vs. space colonisers? Uh, yeah. Yes please.

(Now I’m gonna backtrack a little bit here and say that between the two, Wonder Woman is actually the better film. Captain Marvel IS flat in parts. BUT. Audiences are now familiar with Marvel’s MO. They know that they’re playing the long game here. Captain Marvel is our orientation and introduction into the Carol Danvers story, which means that it’ll only build up from here.)

And now to this point: “Alita and Wonder Woman are better movies showing 2 woman being strong and compassionate without letting audience know every 5 minutes they are women.”

Can I ask, honestly, why we would assume that this is a problem?

Carol’s gender is central to her struggle. She stands in for the many women who are gaslighted into thinking that they need to hold themselves back in order to be legitimised by the patriarchy. As Sarah from LaineyGossip put it, “The villain in Captain Marvel is not who you think, and really, the biggest villain is just the assumption that Carol, on her own, isn’t good enough for, or worthy of, the opportunity she’s been given.” That is a very female experience. So if I’m reminded every five minutes that Carol is a woman - which, to be honest, I didn’t really get - I have no problem with that. The film isn’t making any apologies about what kind of message it’s sending across, and judging from the current box office intake, I’m guessing it’s a popular message.

This is probably a much longer answer than you were expecting, anon (lol), but I’m glad I got the opportunity to discuss it. I think this dialogue is important, particularly as films and television are experiencing the growing pains of wider representation and changing audience demands. 

Thanks for this ask! I hope some of this made sense. 

[rolypolybug]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'll admit this made me cry. I'm a woman. I've loved gaming since the day I was born. I've loved League of Legends for a few years now. Gaming culture is really something else, and while I could go into a whole rant about gender roles in society as a whole, I want to speak about my experince in the LoL community a little.

When I started playing, I thought Sona was a really cool champion. I played her a lot, and as she isn't too mechanically challenging I got to learn about game mechanics a lot during this time. "As yes of course the girl is a support main." I was told in chat once we all disclosed our gender. I didn't really know what this meant, or why this was a stereotype. "Girls suck at video games so they play support." I didn't step down, I just kept playing the champion I enjoyed.

So I looked into Sona's fan content on YT on Tumblr and no one had anything to say about her because boobs. Boobs this boobs that. Boob inflation porn and "tee hee Sonas jugs am I right?" posts. I was really upset. Low and behold if you search and female champion or visit any league porn subreddit it's all female champions.

I got sad. Really sad. So I vowed to never play a champion like that ever again. I decided to main Jhin (and still do). The fan art for him is awesome, cool, and dark. I've seen people thirst over his voice and that's something I've kinda hung on to. I think to myself "if everyone thirsts over the hourglass women then I can thirst over Jhin's voice." And I felt a bit better when I saw more **equality** of thirsting.

Of course, Xayah and Rakan were released. I have male friends that play the game. They made really strong sexual comments about what they would do to Xayah. I just kinda laughed and said "Rakan's nipple, am I right?" Instead of looking at these cool champions for design purposes I just kinda made a lewd comment to fit in. We played a few games and I felt uncomfortable playing as Xayah. No Riot, we don't want to always play these champions cause they are pretty or whatever. We want cool champions, diverse champions, more champions like Illaoi and Taliyah.

Back to the main topic, when I started watching LCS, I loved it. High level gameplay was awesome to see. Unfortunately, I am a big member of Twitch chat, and the Riot games Twitch chats are... Terrible. When a woman referee comes on the screen they chat posts the seductive Kreygasm emote and says shit like HOT GIRL and compares females announcers worth to how ""hot"" they find them. It's always their looks. Frosk is one of my heroes and the shit she puts up with makes me respect her a lot.

I'm just sad. And I really think we need to talk about this more. Again, thank you for sharing your time at Riot.

Six Months at Riot Games

I’ve been up all night after reading Kotaku’s article on the company culture of Riot, and its effect on women in particular. Cecilia contacted me as a potential source, but I didn’t commit to providing my experience on the record because I was worried about the ramifications of speaking out. The discourse around this conversation and the reticence to believe the women who came forward has stunned me. I’ve been carrying around a heavy weight on my shoulders since 2014, and I feel it is finally time to let it go. I only lasted six months at Riot before resigning.

In 2014, I left a job I loved and colleagues I adored to take up a post at Riot Games in Dublin. One of their recruiters had reached out to me nearly a year prior, and while I was immensely happy at my current place of work, I had always wanted to work abroad at least once in my life. I was becoming addicted to League of Legends, Riot had a history of great community-centric initiatives, and I felt that if I turned down the opportunity, I would always ask myself, “What if?”

I was initially apprehensive, as I had been told firsthand that Riot could have a “bro” culture at times. So I did my research. I asked the recruiter directly about the mysterious “culture” of Riot, and why conforming to it was so important. I even messaged a handful of women ex-Rioters to ask about their experiences. They all confirmed that Riot could have a “frat party” type atmosphere at times, but didn’t relay stories of overt sexism or harassment.

I took the job in early 2014. I sold my car, packed up all my belongings in a shipping container, committed to a long-distance relationship with my partner, and sent my cats off for the mandatory 30 days of quarantine. I fully committed, expecting to work there for several years at the minimum.

Before I detail some of what I experienced at Riot, first, let me state the obvious. The behavior below is NOT indicative of all Riot employees. The large majority of Riot employees I’ve met have been lovely, and as evidenced above, there are many people who weren’t subject to sexist behavior and harassment. That being said, from my own experiences and that of many others speaking out this week, an unacceptable number of people – primarily, but not exclusively women – have been subject to inappropriate behavior at Riot for years. It is systemic to the company’s culture and needs to be addressed as such.  

I’ve outlined some of the most notable negative encounters with Riot staff below. These don’t account for the daily microaggressions and condescending remarks that are too numerous to detail. For transparency, being four years removed from Riot has not degraded my recollection of these events. I am drawing them directly from the eight-page resignation letter I sent to Riot in August of 2014.

Content-Warning: Sexist, racist, homophobic, and transphobic language, as well as mentions of sexual assault.

At Riot, employees are encouraged to play League before/after work, or during lunch. My very first week at the Dublin office, I heard shouting from individuals playing together, calling each other “f*ggots” repeatedly. I was unnerved, but it was my first week and I didn’t know if this was a common occurrence. I didn’t say anything at that time. Eventually, the language would escalate to “n*gger”. No one flinched, and I realized it was considered the norm. Nearly the same thing happened my first day of meetings at the Riot LA office, where two men were loudly calling each other “c*cksuckers” right outside the office of the CEOs.

Soon I began to notice gendered language regularly being used among male Rioters to insult each other. Guys would tell each other “not to be such a girl” and call one another “p*ssies” quite regularly. They would casually refer to women as “b*tches” and say that “all women were crazy.” I also overheard a group discussing how a female professional made it far in the industry, suggesting she “sucked c*ck to get to the top.

My first month at Riot we had an opportunity to talk with one of the CEOs for an office-wide AMA. We were encouraged to submit questions anonymously. I submitted something that had bothered me for some time as a League player. I wondered why – other than the child characters and Yordles – nearly all the female champions had the exact same body type. The male champions were young, old, skinny, athletic, obese, handsome, monstrous, and more – they were unique and diverse. The most prevalent characteristic of female champions at the time was sex appeal. I wanted something more. I wanted to know when we would get a female equivalent of Gragas. 

The senior staff liked the question so much that they requested I ask it live, rather than anonymously. I was apprehensive at first because I was so new, but I also understood that this was an important opportunity to directly challenge someone in a position of power who could make a change. Unfortunately, the response boiled down to “giving the players what they want”, to which I rebutted that Riot was big enough to influence player perception of what characters are cool or fun to play. I was very disappointed by the response, which felt dismissive of the issue. (As a side note, I was happy to see Riot’s efforts to diversify their female champions these past few years.)

After the meeting, I realized I had put a target on my back with some of the men in the office. I didn’t even make it to my desk before a male colleague came up and told me that “women don’t want to play unattractive champions. They want to feel beautiful.” I was stunned. A woman behind us audibly laughed at the fact that he was informing us of our gender’s gaming preferences. A few male coworkers also asked why I would like to see an “unattractive” female champion, or a plus size female champion, because “no one wants to look at that.” These were several of dozens of conversations I would have on the matter.

Things only got worse the longer I stayed at Riot. I didn’t go out with colleagues after events because strip clubs seemed to be a common destination. Asking me what age I lost my virginity at was deemed appropriate conversation during a team dinner, and employees I didn’t know prodded into how my sex life worked in a long-distance relationship.

I felt out of place in my direct team as well. Our Jira sprints were named things like “thong.” I was the only woman on that particular team, and so a senior staff member named us the “Bros and Ho”.  I immediately tried to shut that down, but it was used for weeks regardless.

Rape became a punchline to jokes quite frequently, including one instance where an employee went on for several hours about how he was going to rape his male colleague, who was his hotel roommate. He was graphic in exactly how he was going to rape his roommate, who was a new hire, and it was obvious that the individual in question was extremely uncomfortable.

While on a team outing, the same senior staff member messaged a new employee’s girlfriend on Facebook asking if she was “DTF” - shorthand for “down to f*ck”. He thought it was a funny joke. The new staffer didn’t feel comfortable challenging him, even though his girlfriend was very uncomfortable and called to ask why she was being harassed by his boss.

Then came the final straw. At a work dinner, it came up that I thought I’d been paired in a hotel room with a male Rioter. It turned out to be a typo in the name, and, as was standard, I was paired with another woman. A senior staff member proceeded to repeatedly call me sexist for not being willing to room with a man I’d never met before. At first, I thought he was kidding, but he continued to make arguments to his point. I explained why I would be more comfortable sharing a room with another woman, and told him I wasn’t enjoying the conversation and would leave if I was continued to be called sexist. The conversation continued, with him eventually saying that my unwillingness to room with a man was the same as not hiring a woman due to her gender. I left the table in the middle of dinner, unwilling to take any more after six months of such behavior. I submitted my resignation shortly after.

My biggest concern with Riot – putting my own experiences behind me – is the inappropriate and sometimes predatory behavior that some staff exhibited towards fans. I frequently pushed back against comments and scenarios like these but found I was one of the few that would speak up. Rioters are often seen as celebrities with dedicated fans, and it is easy to abuse that power. 

I regularly witnessed lewd comments about women passing by at events, discussing their level of attractiveness, whether someone would sleep with them, and guessing if they were the age of consent.  

Several times I heard male employees bragging and sharing intimate details about hooking up with players at events, including a cosplayer we worked with in an official capacity. Several male colleagues even asked me to “hook them up” with cosplayers.

When I brought up the inappropriateness of a young League cosplayer having silly-string unexpectedly sprayed across her chest during a video piece by a third party – the gag being that he had ejaculated on her – I was told I was the “comedy police”.

I overheard at least a dozen employees comment on how cosplayers only make costumes for attention and ask “is this even considered a costume?” when a very famous cosplayer recreated a scantily-clad female champion. I showed them that she was one-to-one with the splash art. They begrudgingly conceded that it was an official outfit. This is obviously highly hypocritical.

At least three times Riot Dublin employees made inappropriate comments via work email about a female cosplayer’s breasts (one they regularly worked with).

While in LA, I had a week of very successful meetings with Rioters to help get a new cosplay initiative off the ground. In a recap meeting, I expressed how happy I was that we were creating such great programming for cosplayers. The senior most staff member responded with “Who wouldn’t want to work with cosplayers? Because Boobs.”

During one event, a first-time cosplayer came to our booth crying because someone had commented negatively on her weight in relation to the character. Another coworker and I consoled her for nearly 30 minutes, and she left, feeling much better. After she left, a fellow Rioter called her a “fatass” and asked why she would try to cosplay the character she chose. I was in shock but told him how inappropriate that was to say about our fans, especially those passionate enough to make and wear costumes. Cosplayers have also been called “tr*nnies” and “attention whores” by Riot employees at events.

In meetings, I was told that we shouldn’t put cosplayers on stage to play League live, because they are mostly women, and therefore not very good at the game.

Further examples of disrespect include when I argued that we shouldn’t let a cosplayer in blackface on our stage for a parade, keeping in mind that Riot is a global company. I was repeatedly called racist by my colleagues, who tried to convince me that it was an acceptable practice and I was overreacting.

This is not a comprehensive list. These were only the very specific examples I could draw from when I drafted my resignation letter at Riot. After word got out that I quit, I was contacted by several other women from the office, asking to meet. I was told more horror stories, discovering that some of them had been physically touched, cornered in shared vehicles, and faced professional retaliation for turning down advances. They asked for advice. I told them that they needed to speak up too.

The reason I didn’t share any of this before is because I felt trapped. I am not proud of myself for staying silent. After I quit, I was stranded in Ireland with my entire life in an apartment, no job, no car, and not even a cell phone, as it was immediately taken away from me once I resigned. I needed to get back to the United States somehow. Riot was my best bet, and I worried that if I didn’t agree to their mandates or went public with anything that I’d ruin my chance of getting home. After six months of near-daily misery, I was exhausted. I signed their agreements. I needed to get out. I recognize that I put myself at legal risk by disclosing my experience now. After years of regret and the thought that these practices could still be going on today, affecting countless others who also feel alone and outgunned by a company they were once excited to be a part of,  I am willing to take that risk. I want to work towards a better and more inclusive industry and show solidarity with the other women who have come forward.  

I left Riot feeling like a failure. I felt like I wasn’t tough enough to stick it out or make a positive change at the company.  I had been very public about my new adventure in Ireland, and all I could post about the return home was an agreed upon “culture fit issues’ statement to my social channels. Friends and followers could tell that something was wrong, but I couldn’t expand further.

To be clear, not everything from my time at Riot was negative. I became good friends with several of my co-workers and loved interacting with fans. Riot is a massive company that employs thousands of people. There are going to be women at the company who’ve never experienced sexism or harassment from their colleagues. I am very happy that they have found a safe working space with their particular branches or teams. That being said, these harassment-free experiences don’t invalidate the experiences of women like myself, and the dozens of others I personally met while working at Riot, who struggled with fair and respectful treatment on a daily basis.

The in-depth article on Kotaku and outpouring of other stories from both current and ex-Rioters finally gave me the courage to speak up, despite my concerns about professional or legal ramifications. I should have done this four years ago. I tried to facilitate change while working at Riot and after my departure. I’m hoping the groundswell of voices will now finally cause real, meaningful change within one of the most influential gaming companies in the world.

Two final notes:

To the many good eggs at Riot:  I’ve seen many of your posts. I understand your frustration if you have not been witness to this type of behavior, or experienced it yourself. That being said, you can support your company and the individuals who have come forward. Your anger shouldn’t be directed at the subjects of this abuse and maltreatment, but rather the individuals who perpetuated these acts in the first place. Please keep an eye out for your peers, and hold others accountable for their actions.

To young women hoping to work in gaming: Gaming can be a tough industry, but please don’t let conversations like this drive you away from pursuing your passion. The more we dissect and discuss these situations in a public forum, the more steps we take to making the industry a more inclusive place. As tough as gaming can be, it is equally welcoming and rewarding.