#lots in history ANGER. WRATH is a big thing. also yes i would think he would think that he might have a mom if he was born

[sotogalmo]

11:24

Satan from Obey Me 🤝 Nemesis from Evillious Chronicles: having a shitty(not shitty) dad* (and also being Wrath.. color being green and having a lover of sorts)

*dad: at best. Nemesis and Gallerian are also brother and sister/the same with Satan and Lucifer being brothers

[c-is-for-circinate]

As promised: let's talk Hades, and how acts of abuse can create toxic environments for everyone around them, and also how people react to those environments--and to them being disrupted.

(For reference, I have just kicked Theseus's ass for the first time, it was exactly as satisfying as it was intended to be, and then I got predictably slaughtered a couple of chambers into Styx. Spoilers for everything through that point, but please no spoilers in reblogs/comments for anything after that!) Also, TW for a whole lot of discussion of abuse, particularly verbal and emotional abuse, and abusive familyworkplace dynamics.

Okay, so. To start out with, Hades is an abusive parent. He engages in innumerable acts of verbal and emotional abuse towards his son, because yep, that's what you call it when a parent constantly berates and belittles their kid for every perceived failure, including the ones the parent themselves could have prevented. Sometimes especially the ones the parent could have prevented. Zagreus failed at his office clerk job because Hades refused to teach him how to do it and then blamed him for not already knowing how. Cerberus tore up the lounge because Hades, who was actually there, chose not to stop him. Hades created, possibly deliberately, and then took full advantage of every opportunity he saw to insult and demean his kid, and the clerk job flashback shows us that he was doing so even before the escape attempts started. I'm pretty sure we're all on the same page here, but: yep, that all constitutes abuse, even if they're gods. Even if Hades has reasons for Being Like That. Even if you think Zagreus seems okay and unharmed by it (which: repeatedly throwing yourself into a gauntlet of violence that inevitably ends in your own pain and death because you're so desperate to escape home, not actually an indicator of someone who's okay). We all good on that?

Cool. Because I'm not really here to talk about how Hades' abuse directly impacts Zagreus right now (although there's for sure an essay in that too). I'm thinking about how it impacts everybody else.

Hades isn't as obviously unreasonable with anybody else in his kingdom the way he is with his kid. When we see him lecture somebody else, it's usually for an actual failure to do their job: Hypnos for literally falling asleep on the job and not doing anything that was assigned to him, Megaera for letting us past her so many time, Orpheus for being a court bard who refuses to sing. His attitude is super confrontational and unpleasant, but on the surface it doesn't necessarily look as fucked-up. Thing is, though, whether any individual act of aggression towards an employee/family member is justified or not (I would generally argue 'not', because aggression towards employees/family members is, y'know, not justifiable)--it's not about the individual acts. It's about the entire cultivated atmosphere of toxicity and abuse.

One of the very first things Meg ever says to us is, "I'd rather be on your bad side than his." Up until that point, we've got no reason to believe Meg has any history whatsoever of fucking up at her job. In fact, we've got plenty of reason to believe she's good at it. She's fiercely proud of it, she's frequently Employee Of The [Time Period], and we've apparently never even met her sisters because she handles her shit herself. But she's still scared of Hades. Dusa, who is an anxious wreck at all times because oh god what if she gets fired what if she gets fired what if she gets fired, in spite of apparently being absolutely exemplary at her job, is scared of Hades. Every single shade in the Hall is clearly terrified of Hades, and it's not because of what he's done to each of them. It's what they've seen him do to other people.

Which is how toxic environments work, whether they're work environments or families. The Court of Hades is of course both, always, with the bonus hell layer of you can't quit even if you DIE. An abuser in authority doesn't have to target you in order to make you feel scared, cowed, and desperate to please them. Humans (and gods who are basically extra-powerful humans) are good at learning by example. The residents of the Court get the picture.

So this Court is a minefield--and everyone except Zagreus is very good at tiptoeing around mines. We see it in Meg, so desperate to do her job well. We see that Hypnos very clearly does not give a shit about anything, but he still makes sure to have a list of excuses ready if/when Hades ever confronts him about failure to do his job, just in case. We see it when Achilles tells us that my ability to help you is constrained by the authority your father gives me, or whatever the line was sixty runs ago when he couldn't let me into locked chambers. The system, such as it is, works, and if Nyx talks to Hades as little as possible, if Thanatos avoids the Court entirely, if Achilles treads very carefully and knows how to keep his head down--well that's just the system, right? That's just how things are.

Even Zagreus seems to have had a role in that system as the court fuckup. He's the kid who didn't have a real job or purpose. He could take the focus of Hades' generalized, day-to-day ire off of everyone else, without triggering some of the more direct and violent ire because the work he was doing didn't really matter (a LOT of Hades' rage-triggers seem to be related to job performance, which means that the people with real jobs are of course the most at risk). And he could do so "safely" (big emphasis on the quotation marks there) because he alone of the court is Hades' actual kid, who's Prince of the Underworld no matter how much he fucks up. If one of Nyx's other kids gets something really really wrong, she might be able to protect them from some consequences, but Hades doesn't have any layer of supposed parental affection holding him back from getting violently furious about it. Zagreus gets a nice bedroom and the abuse is limited to words rather than divine power, and Hades is a dick to everyone but he only occasionally condemns people to eternities of torture, and only for good reasons like refusing to sing when your job is to be court bard, so it's fine, everybody's fine, everything's totally fine, right?

Except it's not fine when everybody is so clearly worried about anything going wrong. And it's especially not fine for Zagreus, who's the person to finally say no. He's leaving, for his own sake, because he deserves better and he's finally convinced he can have it. And that turns the whole system into disarray.

I am endlessly fascinated by the ways this game portrays different characters reacting to this upheaval in their carefully-mapped minefield. It's different for authority figures and peers and servants, different based on how people are positioned in the house under Hades' rule, and it's so spot-on and I love it.

Nyx, for instance, is absolutely calm about the whole thing, because Nyx has power. Hades can't hurt her. Hades can't even really do much against her children, not when Hypnos and Thanatos are gods in their own right. Yes, Hades rules the kingdom, but Nyx owns the land, and she gives no shits about his rages. And it's interesting, too, to see the lines she doesn't draw. The deal seems to be that Hades doesn't fuck with her, and doesn't outright threaten her kids (because Hypnos is bad at his job, demonstrably so, and Hades hasn't ruined him yet), and she doesn't interfere with the way he treats the people around him. She gives Zagreus advice and support and the mirror, but she also doesn't take a direct stand against Hades. He can't hurt her, but he could make life...difficult. She's protected, her position in the minefield is more of a safe viewing platform than slogging through the middle of it, but the mines are still there.

And then we have Achilles, who is one of my favorite characters in the whole game because of how he reacts to this whole situation. Achilles, like Nyx, is so supportive. Every single time you see him he has something encouraging to say. He gives us his Codex, secretly finds us weapons, trained us for years, clearly wants us to succeed. And still he's limited, not necessarily out of fear for himself (though he has to be scared for himself, he knows what Hades does to people who anger him), but out of concern that if he gives Zagreus too much help in one way, he won't be able to provide help at all later. He's still so careful.

Achilles and Nyx are so fucking important to this story because they're the only authority figures Zagreus really has in his life except for his father, and they are so supportive. They're what keep this story from being a nightmare of psychological horror and depression. They can't stop the pressure from Hades and this life in his house being miserable for Zag, but they can give us hope, remind us that Zagreus is still loved. And they have such an incredibly important role when it comes to guilt, which is one of the biggest ways toxic systems maintain themselves.

If Zagreus leaves, what happens to everybody else? Who takes Hades' wrath then? Who becomes court scapegoat if he's not there, and also, who gets punished for his escape? These questions matter, and we see him worry about it! He asks Nyx and Achilles both, is it going to be okay that you're helping me, are you going to be alright, will my father hurt you for this? And they are both so firm about telling him no. No, I will be fine. See, here's the list of reasons about why I'm going to be fine, why my position in this minefield is secure. They make a point of telling us that it's fine, that we do not need to hold ourself back from getting out of this abusive situation for their sake. That is instrumental in Zagreus's ability to keep making these escape attempts without feeling too guilty and worried and selfish to go on. (Another thing that's actually really important in setting up that dynamic--we see that Hades cares about Cerberus, even if he's using him as a pawn against us, and Cerberus seems to be the one figure in court who Hades doesn't get mad at. The dog isn't at risk, and that is really essential in keeping the story from getting too grim.) These people who we care about refuse to let themselves be held hostage to secure our good behavior.

It's also really useful for raising the stakes later in the story--we see Hades arguing with Nyx once or twice, and we see Zagreus feeling guilty about it, but it's also a sign that we're making enough progress to piss him off. After I finally made it out of Elysium on my last run, I came home to find him furious with Achilles in a way that actually makes me nervous, because Achilles does not have nearly as much security in his position as he says he does. (Achilles is such a good teacher/authority figure, because he knows goddamn well what Hades could do to him, and still refuses to let fear for his own situation stop him from helping the abused kid under his care escape his. And no, not everybody has the capacity to do that, but it matters so much coming from the guy who helped raise us. It matters so much. I do not even have the words for how much.)

It's also no mistake that many of the people we find supporting us along our journey are either the people with the most power in their immediate environment, or the least. Sisyphus helps us because what more could they do to me than this? Orpheus is a little wild around the eyes and somewhat disconnected from reality, and he wishes us the best because someone should get what they want and also he no longer gives a single fuck what happens to him. Eurydice has her own cozy little corner of Asphodel, as safe from Hades' rage as anybody anywhere in his realm because she's tucked in such an out-of-the-way middle place she's outside his notice. Dusa is so scared of everything anyway that, crush aside, she isn't any more threatened by us escaping than she is just by her everyday life here. Charon is unfathomable and unstoppable; Skelly literally exists to be a punching bag, and yet he also seems basically immune to pain, no matter what we do to him. There's no threat from Hades there.

So the people most at risk when I flip the world on its ear are the ones who have so much standing that they have something to lose, but not enough to protect them from losing it. Which of course brings us to Than and Meg--who are, of course, the two people who also seem by far the most upset by my attempts to leave.

As authority figures, Nyx and Achilles are constantly reinforcing the message that it's Hades' fault, not ours, if they or anybody else get caught in the crossfire of his wrath. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and it's not my guilt to bear. From Megaera and Thanatos, we get the opposite message--I am fucking with things, I am hurting people, and I need to stop. Zagreus isn't just abandoning them, as a friend or brother or lover or all of the above they're Greek gods who even knows. He's betraying them. They were in this together, as friends or lovers or whatever, but now Zagreus is sending earthquakes through the minefield they both still have to stand in. He is about to capsize this boat in the middle of a thunderstorm, he is fucking with the system, and they're the ones who are going to get most hurt.

I'm so curious how this is going to work for Than, who out of everyone we meet holds the closest role to Nyx's in terms of being sheltered from Hades' wrath. He's the guy who gets to leave, after all, even though he always has to come back. I've seen the least of him out of anybody so far because it took forever for me to get to Elysium, but two things really stand out and I'm so interested to see where they go. One, he really genuinely does care about Zagreus. He wants us safe, he wants us unhurt, the accessory he gives us only grants its bonus if we clear a room without taking injury, he keeps showing up to help. And two, he wants us to give up and go back and recognize how good we had it. Which is SO fucking interesting, considering how miserable Zagreus so clearly was, and how legitimate his reasons for being miserable were.

It makes me wonder so much about Than's standards for comparison. Does he know something we don't about what's waiting for us on the surface, something that might theoretically hurt Zagreus even more than staying down below? Has his life, which apparently allows him more freedom than anybody else in the Court, sucked horribly in ways we haven't seen, and that's why he spends so little time there in the first place? Either of those things is plausible, both of those things are plausible, and yet either one leads to this sense of patronizing, because he refuses to simply tell us. If something terrible is awaiting us, don't give us vague warnings, tell us what it is and let us decide for ourself! If you're fucking jealous because we might get out entirely and you're still stuck coming back here, say so. If you're worried about your mom--and he does bring her up, how could Zagreus turn his back on her like that, does seem to worry for her--then let's have an actual conversation about how many times she has insisted I do this and also how much I love her.

And, right, it's clear that a lot of Thanatos being upset is simply, you were going to leave me without even saying goodbye, you want to leave ME, which is understandable! But, like, he is demonstrably the one god who gets to visit the surface. He's the one person we actually COULD expect to see again. And he is absolutely also upset because there's an Order To Things, and we're fucking it up. We used to be his careless callow reckless friend who could talk back to Hades and get away with it, and now we're not, and everything is changing and we might leave him altogether, and we might leave him alone in that court without us, and he hates it.

Is it a short-sighted, selfish fear on his part? Yes, absolutely. Even if he's not scared of Hades on his own behalf, he is still frightened by what happens if we upset this system--and maybe it's the sanctity of a much bigger system than the Underworld that he's worried about! Maybe it's the whole divine and cosmic order. Whatever system he wants so badly to protect is enabling the abuse Zagreus has been dealing with for however-long he's been alive. Whatever system he wants so badly to protect OUGHT to be overturned, or at least shaken up. But this is what toxic systems DO. They convince the people within them that they have to be maintained, that a broken system that hurts the people within it is far better than no system at all, that changing the world is too scary and too dangerous. And Thanatos wants his whatever-Zagreus-is-to-him to be there, because he loves him and also because that's how the world works, and those things are all tangled up in one another, and that is how relationships are in a messed-up family like this so therefore I love it.

And Meg. Meg, the best for last, my dear, beautiful, furious, bitter, scared angry tired girl. I adore her. I am absolutely never going to date her, because the thing Zagreus needs most in his life hurts her, more directly than anybody else in the story, and that sucks, and it's not Zag's fault but they still shouldn't be together. Meg has taken more injury from this situation than anyone, quite literally as well as metaphorically, and it's not her fault any more than it's ours, but oh boy it has made her lash out and it's awful and it's perfect.

Meg's place in the Court of Hades is unique because she's not dead, not a mortal, not anything other than a god--but she's also not family. Nyx is not her mother. She's very much part of this system, she and her two sisters belong to Hades-the-realm and therefore also Hades-the-king, she can't leave, but she also doesn't have that protection of Nyx watching out for her in the same way. She's not royalty. She and her sisters (if you ask Hesiod instead of Virgil, which seems to be the interpretation the game's going with here) sprang from the blood of maimed Uranus at the same time as Aphrodite, but fuck knows Aphrodite isn't claiming them as siblings. And she can't be fired, exactly, but she sure can be demoted, and she sure can be made miserable in her job. Meg is vulnerable in a way very few people in Hades' employ are. She's a lot harder to do away with than any one random shade, but she's also a lot harder to miss blending in with a crowd.

What's more, she's the one person in this whole mess who is specifically tasked with stopping us from leaving. Hypnos isn't ordered to put us to sleep and keep us in our room. Thanatos can't be compelled or punished if he doesn't hunt us down. Achilles isn't told to lock us up and keep the keys. Meg is the one stationed at the doorway to Tartarus to keep us in. Meg is the one who gets in trouble when we leave. Meg (who Hades knows goddamn well Zagreus cares for, or cared for, who he absolutely knows we used to date) is the one who has to fight us again and again and again. And she's the one who keeps dying.

Again, it's this incredibly fucked-up guilt/hostage situation deliberately designed to keep people from fleeing abusive situations. Meg's insistence on fighting us now puts Zagreus in the position of having to hurt her himself again and again. Now suddenly we're the ones sticking a sword in our ex-girlfriend. Now suddenly someone can point to our desire to leave, to flee, to escape, and say, how selfish. How cruel. How terrible of us to want to go, when we're even willing to hurt the people we love to do it.

Except, right: Hades is the one who demands Meg stand there and stop us. Hades is the one who puts both of us in that position. Meg is also in an abusive situation, and she's willing to hurt us to protect herself. "I'd rather be on your bad side than your father's." It's easy to blame her at the start for being complicit, for being a tool of our father's abuse, for being on his side. It gets harder as the game goes on. I've killed her so many times. There's no way for her to beat me. She knows at this point that she can't beat me. She still fights, every single time, still throws herself upon that spike, not because she thinks she has any chance of stopping me but because she is so damn scared of what will happen if she doesn't try.

In fact, Meg's the one person we have actually seen face consequences for our actions so far, instead of just facing the threat of them. Her sisters are here. Her sisters, who she clearly does not want here, who are wild and violent and who she does not want in her life or anywhere near her, let alone near the job she takes so much pride in. She gets to deal with them now. (Hades doesn't have to deal with them. They're still not allowed in his court. But Meg does.) She gets stabbed, and bludgeoned, and shot, and lightning-struck, and poisoned, and every other thing we do to her. Thanatos doesn't. Nyx and Achilles and Hypnos don't. Bug Meg? Oh yes. Meg pays.

And yes, ok, she is complicit in this system. Everybody is complicit in this system. Zagreus who's trying to escape on his own behalf instead of overthrowing his father for the sake of everyone he'd otherwise be leaving behind is complicit in this system. Pointing fingers and pulling strings of who's more at fault? and who do we blame for this? is exactly how this sort of system perpetuates itself. Your sister always talked back at the dinner table and put everyone in an even worse and more violent mood. Your coworker refuses to work more than forty hours a week so now you have to take overtime to pick up their slack. You're enabling your dad by asking your sister to shut up, you're enabling your employer by working as hard as you do so you don't get fired, everyone's at fault, everyone's to blame, everyone is--

It's not everyone. It's Hades. It's Hades at the root of everything, and probably something big and institutional and fucked-up even beyond him. But even if everyone down in this Underworld does have to be trapped here forever, even if he's trapped here forever, Hades is neither challenging the system that put them here nor trying to make that fate better for anyone else stuck with him. He's just created an entire kingdom of backbiting and misery and people who can either go along with his whims or suffer the consequences.

At this point in the game, Meg is so fucking tired. Every time we run into her in the lounge, hunched over a table, the venom in her voice when she tells us "Do I look like I have anything to say to you?" is so bitter and so exhausted. There was a system, and she knew her place in the system, and it was a system divinely ordered by the gods themselves, and sure it was cruel but that's the literal will of the universe as far as she knows it. She had a role, and her role was vengeance and punishment and violence against those who'd committed the most egregious of sins in life, and there was a point to it, she was the divine deterrent to convince people not to do those things, and that was just, and that was right. The GODS THEMSELVES said so. How do you argue with that? You can't possibly argue with that!

And Zagreus is arguing with that. In trying to leave, he's questioning the unbreakable rule that nothing in the Underworld ever gets to leave it. In disobeying his father to do so, he's questioning the unbreakable rule that what the gods say is LAW. He's breaking everything.

And of course he's not trying to do any of that. He's not trying to destabilize the system at all. He's just trying to get himself out of it, to a place where he feels like he belongs and maybe a parent who's slightly nicer to him than this one. But toxic systems like this one break when the people within them have access to another option. When the kids find a way to actually leave, and not answer the phone, and not come home for holidays, and not deal with it any more. When the employees have the economic freedom to quit. When opportunities granted by education, money, social support, etc etc etc, show up and give people a choice. Even if the option is only ever for Zagreus--he's demonstrating that an option exists. Which is, of course, the one thing the system cannot ever allow.

I really like this game.

[kpopwrites]

Drowning in A Dream Chapter 5

A/N: This one is longer than the others and delves a little bit into the boys and their backstories. It gets a little graphic, so be warned now. If I’m lucky, I’ll have chapter 6 out by tonight or tomorrow night!

TW: Possible smut in upcoming chapters, angst, fluff, swearing, mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, slight gore

   Perhaps it was Hoseok’s unhappy grumbling that woke you up for the second time, or maybe it was the warmth of Yoongi’s arms around your body. Either way, you awoke with a start. It hadn’t been too long of a nap apparently, since the sun wasn’t all the way up yet. Long enough to make Yoongi very unhappy to be disturbed, however, as he scowled at Hoseok, ignoring the man's upset rambles in Korean. “Hobi, shut the hell up.” He growled, sitting up. He didn’t let you go however, only letting you escape his embrace when you awkwardly got up, fixing your pajamas. “Is breakfast still available?” You ask nervously, clearing your throat. Hoseok’s eyes lit up as he nodded. “Yup! It’s only been about ten minutes since it was done.” You brows furrowed forward. “Only ten minutes? I feel like I’ve been asleep for hours.” You muse softly, chuckling. Yoongi only smirks silently in response. “Thank you for the cuddles darling. I never imagined you would be so clingy while you slept. Not that I minded of course.” With that, the mint haired man walked out of your room, Hoseok following shortly behind, both ignoring your flaming cheeks.

   After getting dressed and ready to leave, you went to the kitchen where everyone was seated at their spots. “Morning.” You smiled, waving at the group in greeting as you sat down in between Taehyung and Jin, the latter having been guarding your plate from Tae. “Yahhhhh, you messed up their makeup Yoongi!” Jin whined, turning your face towards him before he started fussing over you like a mamma cat. Yoongi chuckled, rolling his eyes at his older brother before starting to eat. Taehyung had a whole mountain of food in front of him, making you question where the hell he put it all. The man was incredibly fit and healthy looking. How could he possibly eat so much? 

   “Are you taking your leave after breakfast?” Namjoon asked, causing Jin to reluctantly release your face. You nod. “Yes, I have to work today, and after missing yesterday, my boss might be worried.” Jimin grins at you, putting down his cup of wine. “Where do you work, precious?” He asked, watching as Taehyung threw him a warning glance. “The Ravenhill’s history center. We just got some new documents proving a super famous local legend of the group of boys who came out here and were killed.” The air suddenly got very tense as Namjoon stared at you, the other boys having blank faces. “Oh? I’ve never heard this… legend. Would you tell us the story?” He asked, voice dark. His tone frightened you a bit, but you nodded anyway. “You may lose your appetites, however.” You warn before delving into the tale.

   “According to some newspaper sources and local legend, a group of young men came here a long time ago and tried to settle in these woods, build a new life for themselves after immigrating. Of course, the locals weren’t very nice since racism was a lot more prominent back then.” You pause to take a sip of orange juice before continuing your story. The men still had blank faces and the tension was clearly high, but you pushed forward. “After about two weeks of rising tensions, people say the spirits of the woods finally managed to take control of the group, causing the youngest brother to snap and murder his brothers.” 

   You glanced around, trying to ignore how scary each man looked at that moment. “The oldest was found without a head, having been decapitated with an ax in his bed. The police found the bodies in the order of their age, like the youngest had set it up or something. The second oldest was found next, completely cut in half and eviscerated, his internals hang out and scattered all over the barn floor. Next was the third brother, found with his tongue cut out and nailed to a wall, like someone didn’t like how much he spoke. He bled out from that. The fourth oldest had the most brutal, beaten to death with a farming tool before being crucified.” You shiver in disgust for a moment. “Are you alright? You don’t have to tell the story. It’s very fascinating to hear what the locals think happened however.” Namjoon hummed. 

   “Yes, I’m okay, I just really don’t like thinking of blood.” You admit before clearing your throat and continuing. “Take your time.” Taehyung interrupted you. “It’s hard for everyone to hear.” He smiled softly, almost sadly before allowing you to continue. “The fifth oldest had his throat slit, almost like a mercy kill. The police were pretty baffled by his death. The sixth was found with his stomach and entrails shoved into his mouth, like the youngest was making him eat his own insides.” Jungkook looked up from his plate. “And the youngest? What do the police say happened to him?” He asked, an edge to his tone. “Well, the legend says a group of hunters had seen the last kill and shot him down with a parade of bullets.” You say, shaking your head. 

   “After that, the police showed up and documented everything before taking the bodies of the oldest six to be buried before  burning the youngest’s body.” Jungkook scoffed, shaking his head. “Bullshit. You nor anyone else have any fucking clue what happened. Just cause they found the bodies. The automatically assume the youngest got cabin fever?” His temper was rising, the air sizzling around him and the rest of the table. “Jungkook. Do we have to go downstairs to cool you off?” Namjoon asked, his voice calm and emotionless. Jungkook ignored his brother, continuing a small rant. “They never buried the bodies. The bodies were left to rot since they were foreign.” He spit the word out like it was poison in his mouth before shoving his chair away from the table and standing up, pointing at you angrily. “Don’t listen to everything your precious grandmother had to say.”

   You frowned deeply, feeling your own anger rise up. “Don’t speak about my grandmother.” You warned, making Jungkook smirk. “Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do? I could rip you apart in my sleep.” He snarled back. “My grandmother defended the youngest, said he didn’t want to do what he did, but instead, it was the demon of Wrath possessing the poor boy.” You snapped finally, slamming your hand on the table. Jungkook’s eyes widened and all of the sizzle left the air instantly. He sat down slowly, ashamed. “Sorry…” He whispered, causing the others to stare at you, not bothering to hide their shock. “Jungkook, what happened?” Jimin whispered in Korean to his brother, clearly surprised. “I’m not sure… All the anger just… left.” He whispered back, fiddling with his hands. “One minute I was to tear (Y/N) to shreds, the next I felt bad for making them upset.” Hearing your name, you looked up, trying to understand what the two men were saying. 

   “Sorry. I didn’t mean to burst. I have anger issues, and they come out pretty uncontrollably when someone speaks badly of my loved ones.” You mutter. “You have anger issues?” Taehyung asked, looking at you. “Yes. I just work really hard in anger management every week. And working at a history center surrounded by things I enjoy is pretty calming.” You admitted, shrugging. “Anger management?” It was the first time you had heard anything but calmness or a strict tone coming from Namjoon, instead a tone of surprise. “Yes. My grandmother had me signed up for those classes since I was very little.” Namjoon nodded, seemingly in deep thought. “(Y/N), how long has your family lived in this town?” He asked after a moment, making eye contact with Jin as they seemed to silently communicate. “As long as anyone can remember, why?” You ask, cocking your head to the side. “No reason. You may want to take your leave. It’s a long hike back to town, and you don’t want to be in the woods after dark. Bad things happen out there.” Namjoon bowed his head as a farewell before excusing himself from the table.

   You nod, standing up and getting ready to say goodbye. To your surprise, Jin, Jimin and Hoseok gave you a big hug, making you promise to come back for a visit before standing aside. Taehyung held out a small bag of snacks. “In case you get hungry on your way back. There’s also some water packed and a sweater in case you get too cold. You can return it next time you visit.” He smiled softly, patting your head shyly before walking away. Yoongi and Jungkook didn’t say anything, instead both waving goodbye as you walked out the front door.

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[trashcatsnark]

thoughts on edens gate and fucking (long post, is mess)

Okay, so I’ve seen some takes about which is folks saying they don’t think the Seeds fuck. Some have been chill valid peeps, others have been less chill. 

Now I’m a dumb bitch who lacks the ability to shut up, so i decided to put my opinion out there. And to clarify, cause I always feel the need to, this is exactly that. It is my opinion which is worth however much you decide. My opinion does not invalidate yours and yours does not invalidate mine. At the end of the day, how we interpret characters in a vidya game is purely subjective and has no bearing on real life. It’s all just fun times, my dudes. 

This is gonna be long as fuck, so strap in folks

So, that being said, a lot of the reasons people are on the “peggies/the seeds don’t fuck” is because of this supposed No Fornication rule in the cult. However, in my own personal play through (which I might have missed who knows) the only evidence I find of this is through Hurk’s dialogue and sometimes a peggie will call you a fornicator in kind of an insulty way. Again, maybe I missed a note somewhere? Who knows, but these are the only indicators I’ve found/experienced.

However, I don’t think that’s a true indicator of the rule being legitimate and in place. As I said before in a more shitposty context, I think it is perfectly within reason that they may have told Hurk that there is a no fornication rule, because if you remember Hurk is a pervert. I think it is perfectly believable that they would tell him that to either A) make him stop hitting on every woman in the cult or B) to drive him away from the cult when they realized he’s gross. And before you say, “well the cult wants as many people as possible, they wouldn’t lie to drive him away just cause they didn’t like him.” Hurk has a line where he says, his buddies were being kidnapped, for some reason the cult didn’t take him. Hurk is an acquired taste of a human being and the cult is not a fan. 

As far as the insult goes, maybe that’s an indicator they don’t like fornication, I guess that might hold water. But, as I’ll explain in a bit, Peggies also say shit that contradicts that. So, I think it could just be as simple as that one peggie thinks we’re a fucking pervert. Hell at John’s ranch there is apparently a peggie who will say they think the deputy’s sin is lust, so maybe that peggie thought so too. 

So, now onto evidence that at least is as legitmate as those two things and goes against them. Note; I will not be mentioning Absolution in any of this, that book is not canonical and contradicts the game in many ways. I may like to borrow from it when I write, but that’s just a personal preference, the book is not canon in anyway shape or form. 

But, Sharky talks about John fucking. He has a line where he jokes that John has gotten the clap so many times, it became a standing ovation. Now, that could just be Sharky being a shit head, could be rumors, whatever. But, I think it hold as much water as what Hurk says, they’re both oddly lovable fuckin idiots. But take it with a grain of salt or dismiss if you want, I don’t control you. 

Secondly, and more damning in my opinion, is male peggies will mention keeping prisoners for breeding. Like????? If Edens Gate was so anti-sex, why the hell would peggies even mention that idea? Once the earth has been purged of sin, they’ll suddenly be allowed to fuck to procreate and fuck non-consenting parties as well? That seems extremely suspicious to me. 

Thirdly, there is a event? action? whatever that triggers sometimes in game where you will find a male peggie dragging a female civilian/resistance member by the ankle in the woods to some location to do something. Me and my friends who have played have seen this over and over again, and it is always a man peggie dragging a woman. Never has it spawned with the genders reversed, never has it spawned with members of the same gender. Now, does this mean for absolute certainty that man peggies are gonna do something sexual and non-consensual to the lady? No, men can do bad things to woman that aren’t sexual. And that can also happen with any combination of gender. However, that mixed with the idea that male peggies want prisoners to breed, I’mma file that under suspicious. 

Also, I’m pretty sure couples have joined the cult, obviously they’re prepared for babies in the bunkers, since John says in a letter to Nick and Kim that they’ve prepared things for babies and mothers. 

And maybe you hear all that and you go, no Snark, I still don’t buy it. There is no fornication rule in the cult, i will die on this hill, The peggies and the Seeds don’t fuck. And you know, maybe fornication is frowned upon in Eden’s Gate, maybe it is bad. And the peggies only mean to breed to repopulate once the collapse has passed or just for in the bunkers. 

But does that mean the Seeds listen to that rule? 

Maybe, maybe not. Cult leaders and religious figures as a whole, aren’t known for being reliable. In fact, a lot of ‘em are hypocrites. Tracey, granted not about sex, even says she saw through the Eden’s Gate bullshit because the Seeds are hypocrites. She says, the peggies weren’t allowed to be angry, but the Seeds were. And this didn’t change until the peggies anger was convenient for the cult and could be weaponized. Who says how deep that hypocrisy runs?

 And this is where I start to narrow in on John, because I think he exemplifies this shit the most. John has by far been the most hoed out Seed in this fandom. Even if he’s not the one you personally thot for, he’s the one most are willing to say is a very sexual person. And there’s canon backing to this, he’s in canon hinted to have some sort of attraction to the deputy, Adelaide sexualizes him. The closest one after that is probably Faith and for her it always is more focused on men sexualizing her, not her herself being a sexual person. 

Beyond that, the Book of Joseph (which while imo much for canon then absolution can still be argued how much is true) but it talks about John having struggled with his vices; namely drugs and sex. And that supposedly following the path of Eden’s Gate, absolving himself of his sins, he is now free of those vices. . 

But is he?

John is modeled largely after televangelists, who have a big history of being discovered to be criminals or sex perverts, just saying. In the Book of Joseph, Joseph talks about John being a chameleon. He puts on a face, he gives you that smile, he tells you whatever will make you say yes. 

A large idea in John’s storyline is that he still struggles with giving in to sin. Joseph tells him, he’s letting his sin ruin the baptism. But he’s supposedly absolved of all sins? So absolved that he absolves others? How does that make sense? Spoiler alert, John’s still a sinful man. His entire character is the idea of someone who pretends and presents himself as being this holy baptist, who shows you how to wash away sins, how to scrub yourself of vices, but is himself proof that it doesn’t work.

So, isn’t it possible, that he still struggles with and at times indulges with his vices? Sure, maybe he doesn’t wanna upset the project and Joseph, didn’t stop him from giving into wrath and trying to kill the deputy in the end. Didn’t stop any of the heralds in fact. 

I think it is completely valid and believable to think behind the scenes John is struggling and failing more with his vices than we realize. I don’t think it’s farfetched to believe John or any of the Seeds will tell you not to do something they do. They’re hypocrites, John shows this the most clearly and is the most logical one for it to potentially center around sex. But literally the entire game shows you why they’re all full of shit. 

Quite frankly, the only one who’s even close to honest is probaby Jacob who basically straight up tells you like “I don’t even fucking know if this god shit is real, but I think the world sucks and is gonna end, so fuck it”  And even he still has some hypocrisy, especially if you compare his ideology to what we supposedly see as being Eden’s Gate beliefs. But that’s a 9 page rant for another day.  But uh, in summary cause this is long enough. The Seeds and Peggies might fuck and thats cool. So if you write/art the seeds being whores, you’re fucking valid, go off. And if you don’t, you’re also valid. If you made it this far through this horrifically unplanned, meandering, mess of bullshit; gold star for you!. 

[kyloswarstars]

STOLEN FUTURE • The Hunger Games • Oneshot

Clove had enough. From Cato, from her training ban for the Hunger Games, from the pain and the anger. But Cato wouldn’t leaver her alone, no matter how hard she tried to avoid him. At the same time she couldn’t get him out of her head.

Pairing • Clato / Clove x Cato

Words • 6.4K

A/N • This is the translation of an oneshot I wrote ages ago. I miss Clato. Thanks to my lovely beta, @buried-in-books.

/////

“Not again, Cato.” I just finished up my last training session for today. All I now wanted was a hot shower and a free day off tomorrow. I couldn’t get it yet, though; Cato was blocking my way out of the training room. One of the training swords was balancing in his hand. He looked extraordinary happy to be standing in my way – not.

“Damn. You’re gonna listen to me now.”

“Why should I?” He flinched hearing my quite hissing. We knew each other for so long now. I knew how fearlessly he met other people with his arrogance. Yet, I was the one who held the upper hand in ninety percent of our conversations. Not that we talked a lot in the past weeks. I had ensured that we didn’t.

But there was still so much left unsaid between us. Every time I saw him it came back to my mind. If it was only up to me I would leave it unsaid.

„Clove, I tried to help you, okay? His decision was based on misunderstanding.“

„That’s what you call it? And I was asking myself what I did wrong to deserve this bullshit.“ I mustered up the last bit of sarcasm I could find – and tried to let it sound like it didn’t still pull me down. „Cato if you think I still have feelings for you I can assure you that I don’t.“ I walked around him and left for my room. My legs were shaking on the way to the third floor. Since Cato and I were history I tried to return to the old Clove as hard as I could. Cool and reserved, snippy, furious and lethal. Behind the closed door of my room my legs gave in. I sunk on the bed to rest my suddenly tired body instead of taking a shower. Though, I couldn’t sleep – I hadn’t really slept in a long time now but I had to. I needed the energy because every confrontation with Cato hurt. 

/////

After a mostly sleepless night, I went to the small training room. I felt even worse than last night. Thirty minutes of training and a ten minute breakfast separated me from my day off. All I could think of was that I used to spend my days off with Cato.

We never did much. District 2 wasn’t that interesting for us. It didn’t give us a reason to leave the bed. Only sometimes did we go out jogging around the trainee building.

Cato told Brutus I wasn’t able and not trained enough to be a tribute for the next games and that was only one of many things he did that separated us. It was the biggest and final reason for me though.

/////

There were a lot of obvious reasons why I couldn’t stand Cato. He was conceited, unpredictable, irascible and very rude. Those reasons also got us closer to each other back then. We had a lot of those obvious traits in common – more than we both liked. The rest had worked like two magnets. One time they attracted each other, another time they pushed each other off. His unbelievable soothing voice was the answer to my fear of failure. It took a long time to accept it myself. It took twice as long to confess it to him. With the fear of failure came the doubts if he would use the knowledge against me one day. But because he was my answer and I was his – whenever he snapped and was close to destroy everything around him – it made sense to me back then. Everything seemed right. To open up and feel more than the negative things I thought were enjoyable until then.

I still fought until I saw blood. I would still kill if I got my place as a tribute in the arena.

But my relationship with Cato had changed a lot of my believes. It wasn’t Cato who changed that. It was the love for him. I had learned what it meant to give everything for someone you love, to keep them save, even if it was the own life. That was what really changed me. 

/////

Since Cato’s conversation with Brutus I wasn’t allowed to participate in the official trainings anymore. On one side it was good because no one disturbed me. On the other hand I missed a lot of lessons that would help me in the arena. If Cato wanted to help me, to protect me, he shouldn’t have talked to Brutus. Cato knew I would take part in the games this year. To keep me away from the official training was obstructive.

My day off ended in the big training room at midnight. Again. I just could not not train. At this time of day I was usually alone, but a knife impaled in one of the dummies, and it wasn’t one of mine.

„You wanted to speak to me?“

I turned around to her. Her sharp teeth sparkled when she smiled at me. The superiority in her face wasn’t because her knife scored better than mine – because it didn’t –, it was because Enobaria had let me wait for weeks to be able to talk to her alone.

Cato had always interrupted us, whenever I tried to talk to her. I finally left a note for her last week, that I really had to talk to her in private.

„Yes. For a long time. Since Brutus excluded me form the official training.“

„Sure.“

„Sure? Why did you let me wait for so long?“

Her way of moving around was very distinct. She slowly slid through the room, without making any sounds and always cautious and looking out for possible danger, like she was still in the arena. But maybe District 2 was her very own arena where she had to prove herself every single day over again. „It wouldn’t have changed a thing if I did, Clove. Brutus’ decisions are Brutus’ decisions – I can’t change them.“

I started throwing knives at one of the dummies again. But I would never be able to minimize the fury, about everything and nothing – no matter how long I was throwing knives. „It’s not fair! You know that and Brutus knows it as well. I am the best female trainee since you’ve trained here. And the fact that it’s Cato’s word that is responsible for Brutus kicking me out of the training program is absurd.“ With all the energy I had I threw the blade into the flat dummy face. It stuck much deeper than the other knives. „It’s ridiculous.“

„I can’t do anything about it, even if I wanted to. Really.“ She turned around to leave, but stoped for another moment after I removed all the knives from the dummy. „If I were you I wouldn’t listen to what Brutus says. I would do my own thing.“ Enobaria winked at me.

„That was my plan anyways.“

/////

Even though I wasn’t hungry, I tried to eat as much as I could. The Reaping was in about a week and no one could know how long the games would last.

Back when the thing with Cato was still a thing – we never had meals in the cafeteria together. He sat with his mates, I sat alone. I couldn’t stand the ongoing chatting. How they all compared themselves to each other, how they bragged with their training scores. The only reason I ever showed off my skills was to intimidate the other trainees. Especially the female ones – I warned them not to volunteer as a tribute this year. That was my part.

I ignored every single one of his glances. Apparently he knew about my talk with Enobaria – he had tried to talk to me four times already today. Cato tried to tell me, with every glance of those I wasn’t able to avoid, that I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t volunteer.

He knew I was able to win. To say I couldn’t was his only chance to keep me from going into death. But I had to do it. I had to go to the games. I just had to. For my family – or what was left of it. To do something for them.

Cato could wait until next year. He could try it then. But I had to this year.

I had to get my family to the Victor’s Village. Cato’s was already there, so he didn’t need it as much as I did. For him it was only about his ego.

/////

One of the doors opened quietly  – not quiet enough for me to not notice it though. At midnight I was usually alone in the big training hall. Except for now.

One of the swords chinked when it got taken up. A few seconds after that I heard the falling of a dummy’s „body parts“ to the ground. I ignored his stares, which I could feel all over my body, for about fifteen minutes, until I put the knives back on my belt and went over to him.

His eyes were following every single one of my movements. He didn’t concentrate on the sword or the dummy anymore.

„You’re responsible for me not being able to take part in the official training anymore. Can we train some sparring – without you throwing a tantrum?“ Because we will come extremely close. Because in both of us the potential for aggression was pretty high anyways. Simply because Cato was Cato.

„Okay.“ Cato placed down the sword. Together, more behind each other, we crossed the hall to the big sparring mats.

We simultaneously stretched our muscles before we stepped on the mat.

I wouldn’t hold back. I saw the chance to finally let out my anger. Without words – since I didn’t want to give him words.

My body moved automatically, I hurried up to him, tried to place as many punches as I could, before he could change from defense to counterattack. But he didn’t. He defended himself, but he didn’t attack me. He let the punches and kicks happen, let me wreak havoc.

It only increased my wrath. Initially I didn’t want to spar with him to show him my anger. I wanted to train to improve my sparring abilities. When he didn’t fight back, this wouldn’t get me any forward.

I stopped. „Enobaria told me to go into the games even with me being suspended from training.“ He had tried to prevent it so badly, so I told him his plan absolutely didn’t succeed. But he didn’t move. Only his face showed a single spark of rage. „I don’t care if you go to the games. I will though.“ His eyebrows slowly pulled together until they met. He was hurt. My words hurt him. But I wanted him to be hurt more than that. „I slept with Caleb.“ I lied to him, so he knew how it was to be hurt so badly. I wanted him to suffer like I did in the past weeks. Not only because of his statement to Brutus. Also because he betrayed me with one of the girls from the academy.

I lunged at him, teared him to the ground and hammered my fists down to him. I hit him again and again. All of this pain was inside of me and I wanted to let it out so bad before I went into the arena. But with every punch it hurt even more.

Cato grabbed my wrists and rolled us over with such a fierce jolt that I suddenly laid under him. „You slept with him?“ His voice was shaking. He didn’t hide how much it hurt him. And that it hurt him was everything I had wanted to do with this lie.

„And you slept with Cara.“ His hard grip around my wrists loosened up. Eventually he let go off completely but still kneeled above me. „When we were still together, Cato. She told me. But not because she thought she had to tell your girlfriend, but because she wanted to brag about it. After all no one knew we had been together.“

„Clove–“

„No. Don’t try to explain yourself, Cato. I don’t want to hear it.“ I shoved him off of me and got up, grabbed my belt with the knives and stormed out of the training hall. After I was sure he wasn’t coming after me, I allowed myself to walk slower. I wiped a few lonely tears out of my face.

The pain wasn’t gone. I would take it to the arena with me. 

/////

I pulled on the only dress, black and knee-length, I possessed. Somehow I tried to pin up my hair without them looking like a bird’s nest. Honestly, I didn’t even care.

I didn’t care how Panem would see me. It was enough if I was able to show them my face how it would look like in the games as well: victoriously.

On purpose I had avoided contact to other people in the last twenty-four hours. Distractions weren’t good right now. I had to ignore the pain inside of me and make as much room as I could for the wrath. And the bloodlust.

For the last time I closed the door to my room. For the last time I took the lift from the third floor to the ground-floor. For the last time I walked past the big training hall.

„Clove.“ Someone stopped me abruptly. He grabbed my arm harshly and dragged me with him. Down a hallway, around a corner and into a niche, which was far away from the exit so I couldn’t escape him fast enough. „I beg you, don’t do it.“ Cato was scared. He didn’t care to hold up his mask. This cold mask of arrogance and hubris. He didn’t need to put this mask on with me, I already knew the Cato under it. 

„You know that I am not a person you can ask to not do something. And even if I was someone like that, it’s already too late.“

The last time his eyes, those ice-blue eyes, looked at me this desiring was a long time ago. I knew he liked me exactly the way I was. Completely. My provoking behavior, my love for knives, my propensity towards violence. In this moment I was tempted to give in. Not his plea, but him. His lips and his hands, which could be everywhere within seconds.

„I’m just scared.“

„You have that much trust in me?“ He still held me close to him but his grip loosened up.

„That is not the point… and you know that.“

„And that is exactly why you told Brutus I wasn’t good enough for the games.“ 

Cato’s eyebrows draw together again. He tried to hide the fury but it didn’t work out. „Clove I just don’t wanna lose you.“ Without leaving me a choice, he got closer and kissed me. It wasn’t one of those feathery kisses he had given me before training, when he was sure no one would see it. It was one of those kisses that showed how much he was able to feel for someone. How much he felt for me. And that seemed like a lot. His kiss had such a force, it demanded so much from me, that I totally gave him everything what I was able to. For weeks I had tried to get him out of my head – all of that only for kissing him right now. Like it was everything what I needed in life. „You are truly the only good thing that ever happened to me.“ Again his lips touched mine, but only short this time. „I can’t lose you.“

„Cato.“ It hurt. No doubt. But I hadn’t been raised to become a wife. I had been raised to take part in the Hunger Games one day. And to come back as the victor or fall with all the pride my District met me with.

Before I could get weak again I freed my arm from his hand, held it for a moment too long and then disappeared.

Today was the Reaping. My initial goal before Cato had lead me away from my way out of the training building.

On my way to the Reaping everything I could think of was: If he was so scared for me like he said, he could wait for his place as a tribute until next year. If he didn’t wait we would meet in the arena and we might had to kill each other in the end.

/////

„I volunteer as a tribute.“ The name of one of the girls from District 2 wasn’t even read yet when my arm went up.

I looked around to make sure none of the other trainees wanted to volunteer. No one wanted to.

I walked to the stage, shook hands, said my name with pride into the microphone and was fascinated how it echoed over all those people for a few seconds.

The main reason why I went to the games was my family. Though, I didn’t want to say goodbye to them. I didn’t look out for them in the crowd, I didn’t expect them to come and say goodbye – they wouldn’t be there anyways. My father was most likely to lay drunk in his bed and laugh hysterically because of his schizophrenia; my siblings were home, doing whatever they did. For sure not watching the Reaping. After all, I was the one responsible for our mothers death.

Still, I wanted to get them to the Victor’s Village. Maybe then they would forgive me. Or maybe a little at least.

„I volunteer.“ 

The paper with a name of the boys from District 2 wasn’t even picked yet, the choosing of the boys wasn’t even announced yet. They still were asking questions, right now about my weapon of choice in the arena.

The presenter asked the boy to come up on stage. His steps were heavy when he climbed up the stairs. They roared over the silence. Silence full of admiration and pride for the male tribute of our District.

Now that it was happening I couldn’t believe he stood here. I couldn’t believe he went to the games with me in the same year. I wanted to scream at him, ask him if he was completely insane. But most of all I didn’t want to fight him at the end. I knew I wouldn’t be able to kill him. I would kill everyone but him. Not Cato.

/////

„What have you done? Have you lost your mind?“ I had to wait forever until I could scream that to him. First the train ride to the Capitol, the stylist’s torture, the opening ceremony. I had to wait for so long until our mentors finally left us alone – until they had brought us to our bedrooms. 

„I could ask the same.“ 

„DAMN, YOU KNEW I WOULD GO!“ Every ounce of fury was seething under my skin.

„AND I COULDN’T LET YOU GO.“ Cato’s vein on his neck stuck out so much I was afraid it could burst any moment. He huffed, hardly able to stand still with the frustration blooming up again.

„And what’s the point in being here?“

Cato looked at me but not for long, then he opened his door and closed it right after getting in. Before he could lock it up I opened it and went in his room.

„What’s the point?“, I asked again. This time it wasn’t only wrath that surrounded me – also regret. I should’ve made it clear more often in the past weeks that he shouldn’t volunteer. Not this year when I already would do it. 

„I can get you out of the games.“ His voice broke. It was so full of pain that it almost wasn’t his voice anymore. It was the voice of a distorted self of himself. It wasn’t Cato. Not the strong and fearless guy who threw punches. It was a Cato who cried because of the eventual death of a girl.

And I was overwhelmed. Helplessly overwhelmed.

Not only with Cato’s tears, but also to be with him in this room – a room in the Capitol. To have to go into the arena with him. To know that one of us – if not both – would die.

I didn’t understand why he had done that. Only to get me out of the arena safely? It would’ve been better if he had stayed in District 2 so I could’ve pulled this off on my own.

„Damn Cato, what did you think you’re doing?“ I closed the room between us and pressed myself to him. As hard as I could. Not to stop his tears but to not have to cry myself.

Two years ago I would’ve never dreamed about finding myself in such a situation one day.

Cato’s hands moved up and down my back, his lips on my hair. „Everything I could think of was that I love you, Clove“, he whispered in my hair. 

We held onto each other for an eternity. In this small eternity it almost seemed ironic that we were here together. As if I had to see it coming but I didn’t. I had been naive, thought he wouldn’t dare to volunteer when I already had. And obviously I had been too naive to understand how strong his feelings were. He would rather die than not having tried everything possible to know me in safety.

There was so much wrong with this. I shouldn’t feel that way for him and he shouldn’t for me. But then again this was also right.

„Clove.“ His fingers touched my chin and lifted it up so he could see into my eyes. „I’m sorry. About everything. I don’t expect you to understand why I vol–“

„No, I understand.“ I touched his lips with mine shortly. „But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re an idiot.“

/////

We didn’t talk about it. We avoided it.

We had been training and made contact with other tributes. We had done everything, literally everything, but talking about that in the end – should we both be the last two tributes – one had to kill the other.

Cato looked at me for a second when we stood on our podiums in the arena, waiting to ran over to the Cornucopia. He checked if I was ready. I tried to ignore him.

I couldn’t think about my ability to love. Right now I had to release the ability to kill. And I did. I killed the first person in my life in the bloodbath at the Cornucopia – it pulled me into a frenzy which was completely new to me. It was like running through a tunnel without an ending. A tunnel without light and occasional obstacles I threw knives at. A tunnel without any noises, unable to orientate myself.

Only hands on my shoulders were able to guide me out of that tunnel, back into the green environment of the Cornucopia. Cato. Blood was everywhere. It felt disgusting. His eyes reminded me to apply another one of my abilities: acting. For me. For him. For the other tributes, the mentors, the sponsors – for all the people in Panem. I had to act.

It was easy with Cato by my side, who took the command. I slipped into the role of the sadistic Clove, I had built up the past few years. Only today I realised it was only a role – not actually me. That wasn’t me. I killed, yes. But I didn’t enjoy it like I had expected it. Because I knew that I took lives of people that were loved by other people.

/////

„Here.“ Cato pulled me with him to a secluded and shielded area down by the lake. Everywhere were cameras in the arena. Everything and everyone were being watched. I didn’t believe he had took me down here to make out, but I welcomed a certain privacy.

We sat between the high reeds. „How are you?“ He gave me one short kiss then laid his hand on my thigh.

„Excellent.“

„Be honest.“ 

„I think we should come pretty far. Most of the other tributes are dumb jerks who can’t work weapons.“

Cato huffed. He didn’t seem to care less about killing than knowing me here in the arena. „How are you?“

I gave in. „It’s horrible.“

He nodded. „Every time I see you, I just wanna turn back the time to two months ago and take you to a place where we didn’t have to care about the games.“

I couldn’t suppress a smile. „Do you even understand that you’re not the one anymore from a year ago? You rather would’ve to not care about the games than being the centre of them.“

„Wrong. I rather would’ve you never volunteered.“ 

„Cato.“ This time and place seems wrong to discuss this topic again. We both were here now, at the same time – we had to go through this now. And I couldn’t allow myself to think that we would never get out of here together.

I scooted closer, sat on his lap and pushed my fingers through his hair. It soothed him. His breathing leveled out. His eyes closed. Whatever had happened between us wasn’t important any longer. The pain, I thought would come to the arena with me, evaporated more with every second that passed. Because I loved him. And because I knew deep inside of me that if we were the last two tributes, I wouldn’t get out of the arena. He would. And Cato probably thought the same. So I had to make sure when that moment came that I would be faster than him.

„Clove?“ His eyes flickered for a moment, then he opened them completely. His hands moved to my chin, to make sure I looked at him. „You promise me that I can get you out of here and you won’t resist?“

I nodded. I kissed him. I didn’t want him to read my face that said I would never let that happen. No matter what happened to my family then. Cato mattered. He was the only one I every really meant anything to. And he would get along without me. But I wouldn’t without him – that, I had learned in the last weeks.

/////

A loud bang echoed through the trees. We changed our direction immediately. Before we had aimed the fire, now we ran back to the camp, from which the bang seemed to come from.

The pyramid, with all our supplies, had been blown up. Glowing containers were laying around the smoke column. A scared District-3-boy, whom we had left back as a guard, came slowly over to us. Our attention wasn’t on the former pyramid for long. At least not Cato’s. He hurried to the most unqualified guard ever, put his hands on his head and broke his neck with a single motion.

„Cato!“ His head was red from anger. Marvel and I tried to calm him down together. While he tried it with some dimwitted words, I tried it with intense staring.

I knew what he thought. He tried everything to get me out of here – the destruction of supplies didn’t go along with his plan. 

Cato straightened up and aimed at the forest, but Marvel pulled him back. „Man, the one must have been torn apart by the explosion. The cannon probably went down in all the noise.“ His arm turned to the sky to support his thesis. „Let’s go to the other shore of the lake and wait.“

Cato didn’t look at him. He looked at the grass and breathed in and out deeply. He controlled himself more than I had every seen before. He slowly nodded. 

Marvel went out to get firewood when we had decided for a new spot that wasn’t easily visible. Not for tributes nor cameras.

„He had one damn job.“

„Calm down. It was a stupid trap – the fires were distraction maneuvers and the explosion the real target.“ I reached out for his hand to squeeze it. His eyes got softer.

„I wanna kiss you“, he whispered as quietly as possible and scooted closer. But he got interrupted. The hymn played, the Capitol’s emblem appeared in the sky. The one who had blown up the pyramid wasn’t dead. I would’ve loved to see the two faces from District 12 but they weren’t there.

„It was that beast. The one from 12.“ Again his rage was building up. He rummaged around in the supplies we had left and got the night vision goggles. I tried to look him in the eye but he didn’t allow it. He had made a decision. And it wasn’t a good one.

Marvel came back with a stack of firewood and lit a torch.

„1, get your spear. We’re going hunting.“ Cato breathed heavily. Even though he had done a lot of things in the last few days that I never thought he would, I still knew his outbursts too well.

„Marvel, wait here. You come with me, Cato.“ I pulled him with me, away from the cameras I had discovered in the past hours. A few steps into the forest I pushed Cato to a tree. As hard as I could so he would not fight and listen to me.

„I know we have to kill her. I know it. And I’m not saying we shouldn’t do it.“ For a moment, it felt like we were back in District 2, back in the training building. It felt like Cato had another tantrum because he could not live up to his own expectations. But this time it was serious. And I had to make sure I got him out of this arena. „But before we go hunting now, you need to calm down. If you’re furious you make mistakes. And you can’t afford that.“

„It’s just…“, his chest calmed down and he got the control over his breathing back. He grabbed my hand and released my grip, pulled me to him and buried his face in my neck. „It’s driving me insane when I think about that we have only a few days left. I can’t deal with the fact we won’t have a future. At least not one together.“

He kissed me. Again and again. As long as Marvel called our names. I walked behind them, lost in my thoughts. Sometimes I was angry that Cato had volunteered, although I had already done it. Then I realized again that he only did it so he could protect me. And then I was sad and angry, and did not understand why we had even decided to go to the games at all. If I hadn’t volunteered he wouldn’t have either. Then we would have had the chance of a future together. But that wasn’t reality. 

Cato’s words echoed in my head and I tried to keep up with them but I couldn’t. The feelings were too much.

Feelings sucked. And I couldn’t turn them off anymore.

We couldn’t find Marvel again after some time. I trotted along with Cato, who was looking for other tributes, fully concentrated.

At some point a cannon went off. I didn’t care for it unless it wasn’t the one for Cato. And another cannon sounded. 

None of us spoke a word. We stayed close together, walking on and on, without breaks, without interactions. Cato’s anger was gone. My thoughts were still there. His words in my head.

And it was not the place, the time, and I was not sure if we were unobserved, but tears were burning in my eyes. I didn’t want any of that. I felt guilty. For everything and nothing.

„Come on, Clove.“ He led us to the river, to a wedged scarp that would protect us from the weather and the cameras. „Come.“ Cato sat on the cold ground and pulled me between his legs. His arms pressed me tightly to his body. He held me for as long as my crying fit lasted. Even when I didn’t cry anymore he still held me, with his head on my shoulders he swayed from one side to another and back again.

I was able to slowly suppress all the thoughts. The situation became more bearable the longer Cato held me. But I did not just want his hug. I wanted him. One last time. I would go soon, I would leave him behind. Only one last time I wanted to be able to love him before the days in the arena were numbered.

„Cato.“ I turned to face him and studied his face for a little eternity. The blue of his eyes, the raindrops from earlier that hung in his blond hair, his dimples because he had to grin – apparently he still found it funny that I liked to look at him.

Things could not be changed anymore, but I wanted to live the time we had left. I wanted to love him.

„Cato, kiss me finally.“

/////

Two tributes could win. If they came out of the same district. If they were left together in the end.

His eyes sparkled. I hadn’t seen this sparkle since we were here in the arena. Actually, I hadn’t seen it for weeks. But now they were full of hope and joy.

„I can’t believe it.“ His words were tingling at my lips. His kisses were electrified. His body trembled at this chance. We still hid at this scarp. Still only slightly clothed and intertwined. Suddenly everything had changed. Maybe that was not the last time. Maybe not only would I get him out of here, maybe he would get me out too.

Cato started to get up. „Let us fight our way home, Clove.“

/////

„You need medicine. They didn’t send a parachute. It will be in the backpack.“ For a few hours we were on our way to the Cornucopia.

„I don’t need it.“

„Yes you do.“

We were arguing since we had left our hiding spot. Cato was against it, I was for me getting the backpack. He had hit Peeta, Peeta had hit him. Although Loverboy was probably much worse off, I didn’t like Cato’s hip injury at all.

We hid ourselves at the edge of the woods, knelt in the thicket. Nothing was happening at the Cornucopia. „I will go out alone. You stay here.“

„You won’t. I’ll go. Alone.“

I took his sword from him and put it behind me in the ground. I also took the spear away from him. „Cato, don’t provoke me.“

„I didn’t mean to. Then we’ll both go.“ He tried to get back his sword and spear, but I blocked him and kept him at a distance.

Twice he tried to get past me, the third time I pushed against his chest. „I’m going on my own.“

Behind us appeared a table out of the ground, on it four backpacks. A girl jumped out of the Cornucopia and took the backpack with the number 5 on it. I hadn’t even remembered her still being alive. Before anyone could take the chance, I scurried through the bushes onto the open space in the direction of the table.

In the same moment the beast from 12 had set in motion. Something came over me that put me back in this tunnel. I grabbed one of the knives and threw it at her, but she parried it with her bow. Blazing fast she shot an arrow at me. I tried to dodge, but it hit me in the upper arm. The arrow in my arm interrupted this tunnel concentration, but after I pulled it out and kept running, I found myself back in this frenzy.

With a new knife in my hand, I kept running and on the next occasion I let it fly through the air. It hit 12 on the forehead, but that was not good enough. She stumbled and that gave me the chance to lunge at her. Suddenly the backpack was no longer important, she was important. And her death was important. That Cato and I were left together at the end was important.

I threw her over and pushed her shoulders to the floor with my knees. My senses were completely fogged, I didn’t get what came out of my mouth. I could only think of Cato. My fist hit her, my hand opened my jacket and picked out a knife with which I wanted to torture her. Whatever had entered me dominated me. I had no control over my words. Not until someone dragged me down from her and picked me up.

Instinctively, I began to scream. The boy from 11 had turned up. He held me up in one second, in the next one he threw me to the floor, which silenced my screaming briefly. I fumbled for one of the knives, tried to grab one, but failed. The frenzy was over.

He was talking about a ‚small one‘ but I had no idea what he was talking about. I couldn’t remember what I had said to 12. He held a huge stone in his hand and I realized that I had bad chances.

My lungs filled with pain. „Cato!“ It was a reflex. I didn’t really want to call for him. But I was scared. And I wanted to see his face again, only one last time.

„Clove!“ Just then I heard him answer when the stone hit my head.

It didn’t hurt. It just happened. The sounds around me became quieter. I heard Cato calling my name again. The pain in his voice reached me. I could feel that but not myself anymore.

Everything became feathery. Footsteps moved away. And then footsteps came closer again. Someone grabbed me.

„Clove, stay here. Stay with me.“ I was shaken, but it didn’t help. „Clove, damn it. Stay!“ His hands touched me. His lips kissed me. But that didn’t feel real anymore. It was distorted, as it would take years to reach me. And then everything became so incredibly easy and simple. Weightless and completely free, I slid into a nothing where Cato ceased to exist.

/////

I can remember that he held me, kissed me. That he spoke to me. That he didn’t want me to leave. But then I left. Into this void. Into a dimension where I can’t see what happens in the arena. Where I can’t see anything in general. Nothing but myself.

Here is no time and no noise. No distractions and no death.

Here is only me.

Here it is peaceful.

Here lives the memory of all the good things.

„Clove?“ A hand lays on my shoulder and turns me around. Blue eyes, blond hair and dimples form because he has to grin. I don’t think how sad it is that he has to be here now as well. I just think that the future, we might have had, not has been stolen.

/////

∞ Tag • @lokey-bucky-stevey

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Chapter 61 - full

Despite the castle being under repair pretty much nonstop, it still wasn't ready in time for their upcoming trip out to Daibazaal. They'd left it open far too long, and it was with a heavy heart, and even heavier feet that Keith found himself preparing to head out. Leaving Lance behind sucked... but leaving Lance and their children behind... it was quiznak. Scrubbing his face tiredly, the alpha spun around slowly, triple checking he'd grabbed everything he needed for the mission ahead... in what was left of the room he shared with Lance. When Honerva had boarded the castle, she'd taken the time to pretty much demolish their rooms in a search for something he was pretty sure they didn't even had. Out of all the rooms currently used as quarters by them, it was only the nursery that had been spared her wrath. Sure a few things were on the floor, but there wasn't stuff broken and scattered everywhere, like with the bedrooms, which lead him to believe that it was more likely the objects on the floor came from falling down thanks to gravity. At least that was something. He didn't want Lance waking up to find the nursery ruined, on top of everything else. Right he has everything. It was time to head out.

Without the teladuv working, the flight out to Daibazaal was long and boring, and oddly enough somewhat quieter than a long distance trip would take. That was more than likely because none of his friends really knew what to say when it came to Lance. The initial shock of his mates condition had work off, and now they were all restlessly waiting to see if Lance would wake before the pups. They still didn't believe that he'd heard his son's small cry, and the looks of pity and sympathy left him angered. If the pups were anywhere near as stubborn as Lance, there was no way they wouldn't be fighting in their own way to survive. Leaving Black to fly herself, Keith headed into the cargo bay, and over to the pile of blankets and pillows Lance had left there, before gathering the lot up and carrying them back out to the cockpit. Alpha's didn't usually build nests, but he wanted to bury himself in the smell of Lance, and there were vargas left before they'd even come close to reaching Daibazaal, so making himself what was probably the most pathetic nest in history, he then climbed in and curled around the pillow which smelt strongest of Lance. He missed him. He missed him so much that he couldn't even eat, and he'd barely slept at all. Every time he'd heard a noise in the pod room, he'd jerk awake just in case it was his mate waking. He knew Lance and the pups would be alright, but... yeah... he just missed his mate. With Lance's smell covering every inch of him, and the warm comfort of the small nest, Keith finally fell asleep.

* After 8 vargas of solid sleep, Keith woke to sound of his name being called. Embarrassed over having fallen asleep mid-mission, the alpha scrambled from his nest and into his chair "Keith?!" "Sorry guys. I fell asleep. What did I miss?" "We're approaching Daibazaal" He bit down his snarky reply of "of course they were, they had been since they left the castle", and instead forced himself to look out the window. Daibazaal was black. Completely black. A cold shiver ran up his spine as he realised it was the same black entity that had attacked them when they'd opened the rift, surrounding the planet various Galra ships were firing down on it, with next to zero effect "Wow... I did not see that coming" "I don't think anyone did" "Keith, Buddy, that was sarcasm" "Sorry Hunk, I'm still more asleep than I am awake" "That's what happens when you don't rest properly" "Leave him alone. We're all worried about Lance. I know for a fact you haven't been sleeping well either and that you've been sneaking down to check on Lance and the pups when you think I'm asleep" "I can't help it. He's my best friend... and every time I start baking I start thinking about him and before I know it..." "Hunk, it's ok. I'm sure Lance appreciates how much you care. For now, we need to figure out what to do. If Honerva's ship is still in the rift, they're stuck there, which may just be the only good thing about this right now... but once the Galra hear there's unlimited quintessence for the taking, there's going to be no end of idiots trying to get down there" "If we leave them, they might just wipe themselves out" "Not all Galra are bad..." "No, but after 10,000 years of using quintessence they've all been exposed and corrupted in some way..." "Pidge, don't forget about Krolia..." "Sorry Keith, I didn't mean to imply your mum's a bad Galra" "No Pidge, you're right. They've all been exposed and we all know the effects can be unpredictable. That's why we need to figure out how to control this. If that black goop gets on one of the ships, it could spread through the whole universe, and everything we've done will be for nothing" "So what do we do?" "Pidge, what readings can you take from here? Is there any way to try and narrow down what that stuff is?" "It's like nothing in our universe. Our sensors can't read it because they don't know what it is" Well that made things somewhat harder "We do know that Voltron was made from metal found inside that rift, and it saw us a threat. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that it responds to quintessence" "Pidge, we already knew that" "That's not what I mean Hunk. What I was going to say is that it was vulnerable to Voltron's attacks, and not just the individual attacks of the Lions. I think the black goop is made up of hundreds of individual goops coming together to work as one, with its goal quintessence related. I think it's drawn to the quintessence inside Voltron, and when it's hit repeatedly, the goop's overload and that's what causes it to die. We really need a new name for this stuff, because calling it black goop make me think of Hunk burning food goop" "I've never burnt food goop, Pidge" "You know what I mean" "Whatever we call it, it's not important now. Pidge, Hunk, I want you to monitor how the goop reacts. Allura, you're on back up. Your job will be to shoot down the tendrils if they wrap around Black" "What do you mean "if they wrap around Black"? You can't seriously be planning on heading down there" "Someone needs to. We also need to find a way to keep together if we have to enter the rift again" "Keith, you have Lance and your pups  to think about" "I am. That's why we need a solid strategy in place. If we have to form Voltron to defeat this thing, we can't be blown apart mid-mission" "How about we just tie a big rope around your waist and pull you out when things get bad" Keith snorted "That's not a bad idea Hunk. Ok. I'm going in"

He didn't even need to fire to draw the attention of the black goop, its tendrils reaching for him as he skimmed over the planet "You're recording this, right?" "Yes. It really does look like it's lost interest in the Galra ships now that you're here" "Maybe its the purity of the quintessence? It's blue in the rift, but purple when the Galra use it" "I'm going to start firing now" "Just be careful. We need data, not you missing again" "That's why I'm using my laser instead of the knife" Firing on the black goop, it parted, allowing the blast to pass through, before swarming back over the spot. It was clear that each time he fired, more tendrils would reach for him, this continuing until Allura was forced to fire so he could retreat, looping back to join the others, he stared down at Daibazaal "We definitely can't leave it like this, and these Galra ships need to leave. Allura, can you try and get hold of Lotor. I know you don't know what's going on with him, but he needs to pull back... provided he isn't the Lotor in the rift" "I thought we decided he was. After all, Shiro disappeared from Ryner'a custody" "That's... we don't know for sure it was him. He easily could have found a way to escape, this is Shiro... or at least Shiro's mind at work. Shiro was always thinking 10 steps ahead. He could have easily caught a ride on Lotor's ship without Lotor even realising it. For all we know, it could all be another one of Haggar's games" "I'll try contacting Lotor. We should also warn surrounding planets to stay clear of the area" "I've already filled Matt in, so the rebels know to avoid this whole quadrant of space. I don't know if Kolivan knows" "I told him about our intentions before the mission began, but for me it still doesn't feel like much more than a couple of movements ago. I don't know if mum checked in with him" "If she did, she couldn't use the castle" "I'll send him through a message now. I doubt any of the Blade operatives would be in the area" "I wish we could isolate a sample of the black goop" "Pidge. I love you and all, but no. You heard what happened when Honerva tried to do the same thing" "Hunk's right, we can't take the risk" "I know we can't. I was just saying..." "It feels kind of pointless doesn't it. We flew all the way out here and we can't even do anything about Daibazaal without Lance" "Who says Lance is even going to want to be a Paladin anymore? He's got two pups now... maybe we should think of replacing him for now" "Lance is remaining pilot of the Red Lion. Despite being pregnant, he was still given Alfor's blessing" "Whoa... Keith... I didn't mean..." "I don't want to hear any talk of Red getting a new pilot. If Lance does want to retire, we'll seek a new pilot, but the choice is his" He'd wanted Lance to step aside, but given he'd nearly died, his mate would be getting anything and everything he wanted for a long time coming.

* Waking alone, Lance's head was throbbing. He felt like he'd been hit by Galra ship, and then backed over again. Blinking, the pain in his head only intensified as the bright lights of the castle shone above him. He was in the healing pod room... he was alive... Why? Why was he alive? He didn't... he didn't want to be alive. Stumbling out the pod, he tripped hard over his own feet before realising something was wrapped around him. Keith... the thing around him smelt like Keith. Tears filled his eyes as he let out a mournful cry. Keith wasn't around anymore... Keith was gone... so... so where their pups... so why was he alive? He wanted to die. That's why he didn't crawl into a pod on his own. He wanted it to all end, and there was no point even trying to hold on anymore. He'd lost his mate. He'd lost the other half of his soul... he'd lost everything and he was so tired of never being good enough. Forcing his body into a ball, he sobbed openly. His stomach was empty, yet it was still so heavily swollen, like he was still carrying his pups. He looked so full, but there was nothing inside. It wasn't fair.

As his sobs turned to screams, he tore at his own hair, and at his arms, doing anything he could to feel some kind of physical pain. He deserved to be punished. He was such a bad omega... like Shiro had said. He didn't deserve anything good or to be happy. Losing himself in his sorrows, it was a long time before he was finally brought to his sense.

At first he thought he'd finally broken. The cry of a pup had stopped his sobs, instead an insane kind of laughter bubbled up inside of him. He'd gone crazy. His pups were dead, there was no way he could be hearing them. They'd left him. Everyone left him... even the pod room was empty, everyone was probably praying he wouldn't wake up. They'd probably just put in the pod so it would easier to dispose of him when the time came. That's right. He didn't have any worth. They'd all be so mad and disappointed he'd lost the pups. On Earth an alpha could take their pups away from their omega. They'd probably all planned to take his pups from him in the first place. The voices in his head sent him spiralling as the laughter finally reached his lips, he heard another cry. It... what... rushing to wipe at his face, he looked for the source of the sound, finding it much closer than he thought. Laneith...? Crawling to the pod next to his, he couldn't believe it. His tiny son laid on the bottom, his face red as he announced his unhappiness to the world. He... he was alive? Lifting the pup, Lance brought him to his chest as he sank back to sit. His arse was still tender and his clothes felt revolting, but none of that matter as he stared down at Laneith "Laneith... shhh, mummy is here" Still crying, his son let out an even louder cry. He didn't know how, but he knew his son was hungry "Shhh baby... I'm here" He didn't want to let Laneith go, but thanks to all the gunk on his uniform, he had to lay his son in his lap as he fought to free himself from it. Once free, he brought his son to his breast. In the trails he'd learnt how to feed his pups, and though his breasts ached like crazy, he had no idea if that meant his milk was in, all he could do was guide his pup and gently coax him into latching onto his nipple. It took Laneith a couple of attempts, his cries for milk resulting in him missing Lance's nipple, until finally... finally his sons tiny pink lips closed around it, painfully trying to suck in as much of his nipple as he could. For Lance the relief he felt the moment his son began to drain his breast was like nothing he'd ever felt. Though painfully swollen and heavy, he'd only leaked through his shirt and bra a handful of times... now... now he was actually feeding his son. As his right breast began to leak, he couldn't care less. He was actually feeding Laneith and Laneith was actually alive. His first thought was he needed to tell Keith, the smile of his face faltering as he thought of his mate. He should be here for this... as tears filled his eyes again, he looked over Laneith, and towards the door. He'd give almost anything for Keith to walk through it, but that wasn't going to happen. As his gaze slowly slipped down again, he caught sight of Kelance. He should have realised his other pup wasn't with his brother... and he felt like a horrible mother for being so caught up on Laneith being awake. If Kelance was still inside the pod, that had to mean he was alive... and at some point, he was going to wake up...

When Laneith finally released his nipple, his son stretching his tiny hands as he blew milk bubbles. Raising him to his shoulder, he patted his back like his mother had taught him until warm wet milk was vomited back onto his shoulder. He was already filthy, so he barely gave it a second thought. Laneith was alive. That's all that mattered right now.

It wasn't that much longer before the glass of Kelance's pod slid away. Like his brother, the small pup immediately began to cry. Unable to part with Laneith, he cradled him to his shoulder as he reached for his second son "Shhh, you'll wake your brother back up" Kelance was almost identical to Laneith, both tiny pups with soft pale skin and hair so dark you could barely tell it was brown. Still covered in gunk, he supposed they'd both look much different cleaned up "You both got your daddy's good looks, but I think you got mummy's hair" Kelance didn't care. Like his brother, he was hungry. This time it wasn't matter of it he had milk, but instead, was there any left. He didn't think as much milk had spilt from his right than his left, and with the scent of milk still upon it, Kelance found his nipple much faster than his brother. Sucking greedily, he hoped whatever Kelance was drinking down would be enough. Both his boys were alive...

When both pups were fed, Lance finally made the decision to leave the pod room. He needed fluids and to eat something, or he'd never be able to keep up with the needs of his boys. Now that they were alive, and in his hold, some of the coldness that had filled him had slipped away.

Meeting no one as he walked, he was kind of glad. He was shirtless and his pants only seemed to be hanging on by a thread, and if that wasn't bad enough, he was sure he must look completely revolting. Instead of going to his quarters or the nursery, he forced himself to keep going until he reached the medical bay. Panting as he entered it, the world was swaying around him. Fluids... he needed fluids first. Placing his pups down with the utmost care, he then went about stumbling around. He needed to run an IV. He'd lost so much blood and god only knew what else during the birth, the fact he was feeling so poorly only served to drive home just how bad of a shape he must have been in when he was found. Finding an IV bag and cannula, he used the IV stand to support his weight as he moved back to his pups. He didn't even care about who would eventually find him as he stripped off his ruined pants. His boots were already gone, presumably thanks to whoever placed him in the pod. Letting them fall to the floor, he shivered, feeling way too exposed. He needed something to cover himself with... blinking to clear his blurry vision, he pushed away from the IV stand back to the medical supply cabinets, throwing things on the floor and scattering them everywhere until he finally found a pile of blankets. Grabbing them all, they seemed to weigh a ton as he carried them to the bed. For the first time, he was truly grateful the beds were wide enough to support someone of Zarkon's stature. Laying out the first blanket, he threw the second and third on much less carefully before placing the pups at the top of the bed, so when he got in, they wouldn't be visible from the door way. This however meant he had to try and put the IV line in before climbing between the blankets, and settling down with his pups, and of course he had to hurt himself in the process, missing the vein altogether with his first attempt. It would alright if his body stopped shaking, and the world decided to stop spinning and just held still for one quiznakking moment.

* Returning to the castle, Keith's communicator began to beep, even before he had time to land Black. Rolling his eyes at Coran's name, he supposed the man was anxious because they hadn't been in contact with him since leaving Daibazaal. With a few taps, he intended to erase the message right away, yet when it finally loaded completely he had no idea what was going "Issue in the medical bay. Lance woke up. Come immediately" If Lance was awake, why didn't Coran tell all of them? And what was the issue? His mother was supposed to be watching over him, though she was also assisting with the castle repairs. If Lance had woken up alone... Quiznak.

Making it to medical bay in record time, he saw no signs of the others or of Coran. With no idea what that meant or what state of mind Lance was in, his already racing heart sped up further. What would he even say to his mate? How would he explain the pups? Were they awake? Did Lance know they were alive? Had he done something stupid because he thought his whole tiny family was dead? His heart was in his throat as he opened the door, for once in his life grateful at how long it took to open. Stepping into the room, the first thing he was Lance, his mate laying on the closer of the two beds, with his back to him. The next thing he noticed was the IV line, disappearing behind Lance, the bag was just about empty, so why was no one here to change it. Creeping over, he told himself he was just making sure Lance was still sleeping. He didn't want to freak his mate out by waking him suddenly, and if he was having an episode, he might not have even realised Keith was there.

Lance wasn't having an episode, and Keith's racing heart was immediately filled with warmth. His mate was staring down at both of their sleep pups with such love in his eyes that Keith felt himself tearing up "Hey Keith" Lance's voice was soft and gentle. Not at all what he'd expected "Hey you... how are you feeling?" "Tired, really tired, but happy" Reaching out Keith cupped the side of Lance's face, his mate nuzzled at it before kissing his palm "Coran told me you'd survived and that you were back. I didn't mean to scare you with that message, he let me use his communicator and I didn't want anyone else knowing I was awake and up here" Oh... that's why the message had sounded nothing like Coran "It scared the quiznak out of me. How long have you been awake?" "Since last night. The pups not that long after me" Sighing softly, Lance's eyes started to close. His mate really did look exhausted. Dark bags hung under his eyes and his lips were torn, probably from Lance chewing on them. Moving to take Lance's hand, he stopped when he saw his mates arms. Both were covered with long scratches and bruises, but the worst bruise of all of them was the one next to the cannula. It was such a dark purply-blue that it was nearly black "Baby..." Blinking as he opened his eyes, Lance looked down and realised what Keith was staring at "I woke up alone and I... I lost it. I didn't know why I had to live when you and our sons were dead, why they'd be so cruel as to save me. Keith... I gave up. I thought they were dead and I wanted to die" Sniffling, Lance leant down to kiss one of their pups "I know baby. I could smell it on you when I finally came back. We have so much to talk about, but right now I just want to be with you and our pups" "They're both boys... I think they look like you" "Can I hold them?" "Y-yeah... I want to clean them up, but I'm just so tired" If Lance had been though a round of healing, he should be much more recovered than he was "We'll clean them up. It's alright. Do you think you can walk?" "I don't think I can move. I'm sorry, everything is so sore" That wasn't right... Lance shouldn't be sore, he was supposed to be healed. Is that why the IV bag was in? "Baby, how many bags of saline have you been through?" "This is the third. I had to put the line in and I missed the vein the first time. Coran helped change the last bag. He wanted to give me pain killers, but I don't know what's safe when I'm breast feeding" "Your breast feeding?" Lance laughed lightly "How else am I supposed to feed them? Quiznak... I missed you, Keith" "I missed you too. Baby, do you think maybe we should take you down to Ryner? If you're this sore and tender, we should probably have you looked at to make sure nothing more is going on" "I'm not leaving our pups" "No baby, you won't have to" He was sure Lance would put up a stubborn front at the last minute, but instead his mate nodded "I really do feel like quiznak" "Let me call Ryner quickly"

Sitting on the floor beside the bed Lance was using, Keith explained to Ryner that his mate and pups had woken up, and how Lance wasn't feeling so great. Agreeing that bringing him down to the hospital would be for the best, considering the condition the castle was in, she promised to send up two of the hospitals nursing staff to collect them. Ending the call, he let out a mental sigh. This wasn't what he'd expected. He expected a happy Lance jumping into his arms, or Lance talking nonstop about their sons, but his mate was too tired to even do that. Rising to his feet again, Keith carefully sat on the very edge of the bed, before picking up the closer of the pups "That's Kelance" "We're keeping the names?" "If it's alright with you..." "I've been using them anyway, haven't I baby boy... Lance, he's amazing. You did such a good job baby" Yawning and stretching, sleepy blue eyes blinked at him as his son's pink lips moved as if trying to suckle, he expected his son to cry out for food. Instead, he got a fart, which was clearly pretty wet... then the crying "What happened?" Looking down to Lance, Keith was semi-afraid to move, horror on his face as he whispered "I think he just pooped" "Aw Kelance, did you save that for daddy. That's my boy... I guess you're up daddy" "I don't know what to do..." Why was he still whispering and holding his son away from his body like he was going to explode... again "Keith, you just need to clean him up. I know you know how to do that... grab a damp cloth and clean him up, and then wrap him in another blanket" "I don't know if I can... he's so tiny" "He's a baby, he's supposed to be tiny" "I don't know what I'm doing..." Lance let out a sigh, trying to push himself up, before sinking back down. His mate immediately pinching the bridge of him nose "Lance?" "Moving was a bad idea. Keith, I know you can do this. I love you, and you're my alpha, and you're so strong. I know you can clean up our son's poop" "I feel like you find this funny" "Just a little bit, but I wish I could help" "I... I think I can do this..."

Finding up everything he needed, including wet wipes and nappies, both of which he had no idea of how they'd ended up here and not in the nursery, but thank whatever powers that be that they were, Keith returned to Kelance who laying down by Lance's feet. Unwrapping the blanket, his eyes widened as son screamed. No one had warned him it would be black... or about the smell. If this wasn't his own son, he probably would have reeled back from it and ran "Keith?" "It's black" "What?" "His poop is black... it looks like tar" "Well just remember it isn't. You need to be careful when you clean him. Isn't that right Laneith, we don't want your brother crying because of daddy" Lance's words hurt. He'd never intentionally hurt his son, either of then. Though he soon got over as his anger as Kelance started crying "I'm sorry! I'm on it" He was such a chubby baby. His chubby little belly was adorable, so were his chubby little legs... Keith was completely smitten all over again by the time he figured how to put the nappy on and rewrap his son in a new blanket. Leaving the mess where it was, he smiled as he lifted Kelance back into his hold, rocking him gently "There. All better now" "It suits you" "What?" "Holding him. You look so perfect together" "I'm glad you think so, he's our son after all" "Mmm, I wish we had photos of this" "Of me learning to change a nappy?" "No, of the four us all together. Our tiny little family" "I'm sure we'll have plenty of opportunities for photo's, in fact, you'll probably get tired of them once the others come to see you" Lance let out a sigh "What? Did I say something wrong?" "No. My omega's just very protective of our pups. Even the thought of another alpha near them is enough to make it mad. Even Coran nearly copped it earlier" "Well I'm back now, and we can't do anything for a while, so I'll be here to protect all three of you"

* When Ryner's nurses arrive, Keith helped Lance down into the wheel chair they'd brought with them, before looking to their sons "It's alright, I'll be able to hold them" "No... I'll take Laneith, I haven't had a proper cuddle with him" Lance smiled, watching his every move as Kelance was placed into his hold. Moving the blanket down from their sons face, Lance's fingers ghosted over his cheek "Being a mother suits you" "I don't know about that, I don't even know how old they are, especially given we were in pods" "I would say a few vargas at best... as for their official date of birth, I'll ask Hunk. He'll know" "Thanks..."

Keith wondered if this was what Lance meant when he said he couldn't stand having anyone near their pups. He knew the hospital staff needed to help Lance, but trailing behind his mate, he wanted to tear them away from him. The walk down to the hospital nearly proved too much for his alpha. He hadn't growled at anyone, but he had flashed his teeth at patients as they'd walked. As if sensing they were all seeing something that they shouldn't, at least in Keith's mind they shouldn't be looking at his mate and pups, people turned away from them, allowing them to travel through the corridors uninterrupted, until they finally reached their destination. Wheeling Lance in to the small, but bright room, both nurses bowed at them "Congratulations on the birth of you children. Ryner insisted you have a private room, and their a bathroom facilities through the door to the left. We do have a slight back log in patients today, so please rest, and if you need any assistance at all, let us know" Keith forced himself to smile and play nice "Thank you both. We should be fine" "Excellent. Hopefully we'll see you both soon"

Leaving them alone, the first thing Lance did was yawn "Sleepy?" "Just a little... can you come take Kelance from me?" Laying Laneith down on the hospital bed, before retrieving Kelance. Gathering the blanket off his lap and exposing his almost naked form, Lance obviously had something in mind "You're supposed to be resting" "And I will... but... bathroom. It's right there" "Lance..." "Keith, I'm covered is all kinds of fluids I don't want to think about and I feel so gross. I don't want the pups getting sick because I'm dirty" "Just wait a moment. They need a bath too, let me check the bathroom out, and then we'll figure out how to do this" Sinking back into the wheelchair, Lance nodded "I wonder if it's too much to hope that there's a bath"

The bathroom was very basic, and designed for everyone in mind. There wasn't a bath, but the shower was wide enough that he'd be able to help his mate, and thanks to the low counter running across the length of the furthermost wall, they wouldn't have to leave the pups unsupervised "What's it look like?" "I think we can make this work. We'll have to use the sink to clean the pups up, or maybe just shower with them" "Can you shower with a newborn?" "What else do you with them? Not everyone has a bath" "Ugh. I'm too tired to think" "Then stop trying to"

Moving Laneith and Kelance in first, Keith then helped Lance into the bathroom. With a shower stool already in place, he helped Lance out of what was the most disgusting pair of boxers he'd ever seen. No wonder his mate wanted out of them so badly. Maybe he should have thought to change Lance's clothes before placing him into the healing pod "Stop staring. You've seen it all before" "I... I know. I just..." Eyeing the boxers on the floor, Lance nodded "Birth... yep. Blood, goop and all sorts of lovely stuff. We should probably just bin them" "Yeah... I'll take are of it once I get you settled" "I'm sorry I'm so sleepy" "Baby, your body thinks you had two pups not that long ago, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to be exhausted" "Mmmm, maybe, but I haven't even got to hug or kiss you yet" Sinking to kneel between Lance's legs, Keith reached up and took Lance's face in his hands so he could finally kiss his mate. It wasn't hot and heavy, nor was it hungry desperate, it was just a simple kiss to say "I love you". Smiling as he pulled back, Lance hummed happily "Better?" "Much. Now hurry up and strip down so we can shower and bath the twins"

Shower time was a whole other experience. Lance wouldn't hold the pups until he was convinced he was actually clean, but his exhaustion made his movements clumsy. Taking over from him, his mate would wince and his each time his hands moved anywhere near his lower back or between his legs "Baby, I need you to stand so I can clean up the back of you" "You'll have to help me, I'm sorry" "No, it's ok. I love you baby, so you have no reason to be sorry" Helping Lance to stand and place his hands on the wall, it was easier for Keith to move around his mate than it was for Lance to simply turn his body around. Eyeing the caked on blood and... quiznak only knew what, he sank back down to his knees "This is probably going to hurt" "I know... but I want to be clean" Making sure his hands were thoroughly soapy, Keith started by massaging at Lance's lower back and working his way down. Lance's arse was heavily bruised, and his lovers opening still torn and red raw looking. His thoughts had been right, his mate hadn't healed completely. Cleaning each tear took time, but it was better that he do it now and get it out the way, than put Lance through all this again. The largest of the tears looked incredibly painful, extending from Lance's opening and stopping millimetres before his testicles, as far as he could see it was just the skin that had torn, but none the less, his mate would be hurting for some time to come "Keith... I need to sit" "Ok baby, I'm just about done, and then I'll wash down and we can see about washing the pups" Whining, Lance was clearly at his limit, half falling, Keith caught him and guided his mate back down to sit "I don't think I want to know what it looks like down there" "Probably not" "I feel like one big bruise, and like some came at me with a cheese grater" "That's a pretty accurate description" "I meant on my arms" "You did a pretty good job of them too. Will you be able to hold a pup?" "Yeah... I'm not missing out on bath time"

Bath time was probably just as traumatic for the pups as it was for the pair of them. Laneith pooped while in Lance's hold and despite the water washing away the mess, it stank. Lance was laughing and crying at the same time over it. If that wasn't enough, he'd nearly forgotten to adjust the water temperature, which was on the hot side because Lance preferred hot showers. So once they finally moved past nearly burning the pups, Lance getting pooped on, Keith nearly getting soap, which he had no idea where it came from, in Kelance's eyes as he cleaned his sons hair, the novelty of washing their son's was much more exhausting than exhilarating. Lance was barely even awake by the end of it, leaving Keith to dry both pups and bundle them back into their blankets, before drying himself down, and finally getting Lance out the shower. Didn't like his mate not having anything to cover him beneath the sheets, but with only one one towel between the four of them, it was completely saturated by the end of it, so he was forced to leave Lance naked. When they other's came, he'd have to make a list of things they needed so Allura could collect them.

* Waking to find Keith curled around him and their pups pretty much right in front of his face, Lance couldn't even remember falling asleep. He did remember Keith had cleaned him up, and for that he was way beyond grateful... it was another few moments before he wriggled against his mate, taking Keith's hand into his. He hadn't fully believed Coran when the man had told him Keith was alive, as it was, he was still struggling to believe he and the pups were alive. If it wasn't for the pain in the lower half his body, he'd think this all a dream. A wonderful kind of dream. Sighing softly, he closed his eyes again, feeling Keith's lips against his nape as kissed the spot softly "Hey baby. How are you feeling?" "Sleepy, but better. Thanks for helping me shower" "That's alright, you fell asleep pretty much the moment I got you into bed" "I was wondering how I ended up here... did you get some sleep?" "A few vargas. The doctor on duty came to see you not long after you fell asleep, so he said he'd be back in the morning" That posed a slight problem. Doctors meant questions and questions led to being poked at. He really didn't want to have to show anyone the mess down there, even Keith just saying the word doctor sent his omega into panic mode... despite the fact he clearly needed help "Baby, what's wrong?" "Keith... what do I do? I... I don't want to be touched... I don't want to show them..." "Baby, it's ok. They've seen it all before" "I don't care... please don't let them touch me..." Sighing softly, Keith's hand squeezed his "Baby, you need to let them do their job. You've got some pretty bad tearing down there. Look, if it's Ryner or anyone we know, I won't let them look..." "I don't want anyone to see" "I know, and I don't want them touching you either, but as it is you need help. If it's just a cream or an ointment, I'll apply it for you. If it's a tablet, that's even better. But baby, you haven't eaten anything or drunken anything since before I came home. Those three bags of fluid aren't enough, not with the pups to feed" "I don't think I can eat. My stomach feels really gross" "When the doctor comes we'll talk about it. Is that ok?" "It'll have to be... I don't want to do anything that will endanger the pups" "I know. Now you're awake, do you want to try feeding them? They're probably going to wake up and demand food soon" "You're not going to leave are you?" "What? No, I'm not leaving, but I do have to slide out of bed so you have space to move" Sniffling, Lance nodded, missing his mates warmth the moment Keith was gone from beside him. Sitting up was awkward and hurt like hell, but taking Kelance into his hold made it worth it "Is it crazy how in love I am with these little guys?" "No baby, I'm kind of completely in love with them too. Even after changing a nappy" "We'll have to ask the others to bring stuff down from the castle, both of the blankets feel wet" "You go about feeding him and ill clean up..." "You can't tell them apart, can you?" Keith clearly didn't want to admit he couldn't "Come here" Unsure of why he was moving to peer over his shoulder, Keith still did it anyway "Kelance has a tiny birth mark right here, and I think his markings aren't as dark as Laneith's" Showing Keith the birth mark behind the pups ear, Keith rubbed his cheek against his "I never noticed" "I don't even know how I did... they... they didn't have the best birth" "I know. I saw the sensor footage, don't worry no one else did" "Someone must have. I didn't put myself in that pod" "It was mum. She found you. She also watched over you while I was gone... no one but her saw you like that" "Good... thanks good. I know giving birth is normal, but... it's still kind of embarrassing. I have no idea what was going on down there, but... I remember screaming and screaming" "I'm sorry I wasn't with you" "You're mad at me, aren't you?" "Not mad, more like confused. Why didn't you say anything?" "Because they were so small, and we didn't exactly have a way to stop the labour. I could... I could barely feel them... so I thought it was already too late" Breaking down, Lance cried softly as Keith wrapped his arms around him "Shhh, it's ok. You don't have to think about it again" "I do! Everyone's going to ask me why and I don't want to tell them that I wanted to be dead with you and the pups" He felt so guilty about it all, even if he'd honestly believed they were dead. Hunk was going to feel so betrayed, never mind the rest of their friends "I know baby, I know. Here, let's feed Kelance"

With both their pups fed and laying up against beneath the blanket, Keith moved to spoon up behind him again. They'd barely been awake a varga, maybe even two at a stretch, but Lance could barely keep his eyes open. He didn't want to fall asleep, but it the arms of his mate he was feeling so warm and safe, and it wasn't long before he lost the battle.

* When the doctor returned in the morning, Lance was still sleeping. Smiling softly at him, the old Olkari man hobbled into the room "How's he doing?" "He's still really exhausted. He woke up for a couple of vargas, before falling back to sleep" "Your friends have all been hassling the staff, they want to come visit" "Not just yet. His... we have second dynamics, that's how he was able to fall pregnant and give birth because he's known as what's called an omega. Along with this, we have this voice inside our heads, well it's kind of like another us. His is an omega, mines an alpha..." He had no idea if the man was understanding what he wanted to say "... his omega is panicking over having anyone near his pups at the moment, and because of his past, he's prone to panic attacks and episodes" "So he's scared?" "In a way. Can you please let them know? And... is there any way we get some clothes or even just some pants for him, and some blankets for the pups? I can ask them to bring everything we need down, but for now he just needs something" "I'd really like to examine him, is he going to be ok with that?" "I don't think so. But it's bad. He's really torn up down there, and he feels pretty sick" Frowning, the old man hobbled over to Lance's side. The moment he placed his palm down on Lance's forehead, the omega jerked backwards as if he'd been struck "Lance. Lance, baby, it's ok" "Greetings Red Paladin, you've got nothing to fear from an old Olkarion like me. Your partner says you're not feeling great" Looking over his shoulder at him, Lance glared "Sorry baby. It's his job" "You could have woken me up" "Just answer his questions" "Fine" Lance let out a long breath as if trying to calm, though he still felt just as tense to Keith as he kept trying to press himself back into the alpha "Sorry. Keith was supposed to wake me up" "It's alright, now, your symptoms please" "Headache, nausea, I think I have a fever and everything down there hurts. Keith says it's pretty bad down here. I just feel gross" "Keith, can you please take your sons off the bed, I need to examine him" "No... please... Keith..." "Lance, I'm not going to hurt you" "Keith... you said..." "He's not going to hurt you" "I don't want to be touched!" Lance's screaming woke the pups, both boys letting out loud cries. Sliding off the bed, Keith rushed around to the other side, lifting the closest twin pup into his hold. Birth mark... yep, Kelance "Shhh, Kelance, mum didn't mean to yell" "Keel-ance?" Rocking his son, he flicked a glance to Laneith, Lance was already trying to calm him "Kel-ance. Like "cal" "an" "ss". His brother is La-neith. "La" "nee" "th"" The old Olkari doctor raised an eyebrow, and Keith was sure he was being mentally mocked by him "Yes, both excellent names I'm sure, but I still do need to examine my patient" "Keith..." "Lance, you really do need to be examined" "Then take Laneith! It doesn't matter what I want does it? I'll just spread my legs for someone else... that's all I'm good at!"

Awkwardly forced to take Laneith, Keith now had two crying pups and an incredibly quiznakked omega. Ripping the blanket back, Lance spread his legs "Do whatever you want. It doesn't matter anyway!" Looking to Keith for confirmation, he nodded. The doctor clearly seemed to think all this was some kind of Earth custom and not Lance being overdramatic. His mate had dragged himself up to get help, and now help was here, nope. It wasn't like Keith didn't understand, it was hard enough to have someone else in the room, let alone have them touch Lance.

Lance might have been silent during his examination, but his scent wasn't. His omega was terrified and in so much pain. It might have been cowardly, but Keith closed his eyes. This was for Lance's own good... responding to his mate's scent, his own filled with anger as his alpha prowled back and forth, barely containing its desire to rip the doctor away from Lance.

"Alright, let's cover you back up. There's still quite a lot of damage. I know there have been some issues with the castle, and you clearly weren't inside the healing pod long enough, but a majority of the trauma has healed. I'm going to prescribe an ointment to be applied and a herbal pill. You'll need to apply the ointment three times a day, and take the pill twice a day, before eating" Mumbling something, Keith was pretty sure Lance was apologising "And that's all?" "He'll be in here until for the next few quintants, and we'll need to monitor his fever. But honestly, there is less damage than one might expect from this kind of birth" "Thank you" He wanted to ask the man to take a look at the pups, but Lance probably wouldn't have been able to handle that. Not when he was sitting on the bed shaking and crying "I'll see about getting a some more blankets and something for him to wear. Child birth is hard work, and despite all our advances, there are still many that die in birth. He's been through a lot, make sure he rests" "I will. Thank you..." Giving this weird little bow thing... that Keith honestly couldn't figure out, the Olkari man left them alone.

Approaching the bed, Keith sat on the edge as Lance tried to cover as much of himself with the blanket as he could "Lance..." "Don't..." "Baby..." "I'll be good... just don't hurt me anymore" Great. Quiznakking great.

[godsheadangel]

🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊FAR TO MANY TIMES INNOCENT LIVES ARE TAKEN FOR 👉NO JUSTIFIED REASON!!!👈

THERE ARE MANY THINGS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD🌎INCLUDING CORONAVIRUS💀

PEOPLE DYING, OUT OF WORK, HOMELESS, FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY, DIVORCING AND RACIAL DIVISION CAUSED BY THE CURRENT EVIL👹ADMINISTRATION AND SO MUCH MORE AND 👉ALL OF THESE THINGS👈ARE CAUSING GOD✝FEARING PEOPLE TOO FEEL THE MOUNTING PRESSURES OF LIFE ITSELF

🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊

YET, GODSAYS💫DURING THESE TRYING TIMES WISDOM💫MUST PREVAIL OVER ALL OTHER THOUGHTS INSIDE YOUR MINDS!

IT SHALL [SURELY BE VENGEANCE] UPON [ALL THEM THAT DO EVIL👹]AGAINST MY PEOPLE FOR IT IS SO KNOWN BY ALL WHO BELIEVE IN ME✝THAT [I DO SEE AND HEAR] ALL THAT IS SAID BY ALL LIVING I CREATED

AND IT IS THE SPIRITUALLY💫AWAKENED🌄

WORLDWIDE🌎WHO TRUST IN ME✝AND THEY SHALL CAUSE [NO TROUBLE] AFTER [UNJUSTLY KILLINGS HAPPEN] FOR SURELY ▶ONLY BAD THINGS AND MORE DEATHS💀SHALL COME OF THIS!!! THERE IS NO DOUBT [ANGER AND DISGUST SHALL RISE] IN YOUR MINDS AND RIGHTLY SO I AM HE✝ THY GOD [DO SO ACKNOWLEDGE] YET, REMEMBER A

🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊

CALM HEART❤BRINGS ABOUT A PEACEFUL MIND FOR SURELY THY FAITH✝IN ME✝ DOES [SO MATTER MOST] FOR SURELY I CREATED THE HEAVENS✝MOON, STARS, BILLIONS OF GALAXIES🌌AND PLANETS INCLUDING THE ONE CALLED EARTH🌍AND I CONTROL ALL THINGS [THE COMING AND GOINGS] OF ALL MY REAL ANGELS😇ON EARTH🌎AND ALSO [THE COMING AND GOINGS] OF ALL REAL DEMONS👹ON EARTH🌎DO SO REMEMBER

THE WORLDWIDE SPIRITUAL💫REVOLUTION IS SO [EFFECTIVE AND WINNING] THE GOOD FIGHT [AGAINST EVIL👹DOERS] WHO ARE DETERMINED TO UNDERMINE THE CHANGE IN ALL OF MANKIND

TRUST 👉THE SPIRITUAL💫WAR👈 FOR THE SOULS OF ALL LIVING IS AT STAKE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY MY REAL ANGELS ARE DOING THEIR PART 24/7 YET, [IT IS UP TO YOU] MY CREATED CHILDREN TO DO YOUR PART SO ▶KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS UNDER CONTROL ▶KEEP YOUR SPIRITUAL💫FAITH✝RISING BY PRAYING🙏AND CONSOLING EACH OTHER AND AS [SPIRITUAL💫PEOPLE LISTEN] TOO ONE ANOTHER 👉NO MATTER YOUR SKIN👈

▶COLOR◀ FOR SURELY IN THE END WHEN MY BIGSIGN✝COMETH UPON THE EARTH🌎

[TRUST YOU I DID CREATE] OF SO MANY [DIFFERENT SKIN COLORS]👉WILL CLING👈 TO EACH OTHER LIKE A TIGHT KNIT FAMILY AS YOU FIGHT TOGETHER AS ONE TO GET TO SPIRITUAL💫SAFE SPOTS WORLDWIDE 🙏FOR THE SURVIVAL OF YOUR FAMILIES🙏

TRUST ON HEAVEN ITSELF THIS IS TRUTH!!!

LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER LISTEN CLOSELY!

~IAMHEGODTHYLIVINGSPIRITUALGOD✝

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

REMEMBER, YE IGNORANT MY ANGELS DO AS I SAY DO!!! THEY DO NOT EVER SPEAK OR MOVE UNLESS I SPEAK IT SO!!! I AM HE GOD☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

BLESSINGS4 THE FLOYD ENTIRE FAMILY💫

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

FRIDAY MAY 29TH 2020 1100 HOURS PST

FORMER MINNEAPOLIS POLICE OFFICER DEREK CHAUVIN ARRESTED AND CHARGED WITH [THE MURDER] OF GEORGE FLOYD✝

GOD✝IS ALWAYS AND FOREVER IN CHARGE!

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

GOD💫IS REVIEWING [15] OF THE MANY✔ THINGS DONE TO US BY THE DEMONS👹 WHO HAVE WENT AGAINST HIM✝AND HIS✝ HOLY💫PLANS FOR MANY YEARS BRINGING ABOUT THE GLOBAL🌎DEADLY💀 DISEASE CORONAVIRUS💀WHICH HAS KILLED OVER 105,000 AMERICANS🇺🇸AND OVER 370,000 WORLDWIDE🌍THESE EVIL👹 BROWNSTAR DEMONS👹▶▶ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR◀◀ THEIR DEATHS💀AND TRUST OUR GOD✝HAS SO CHARGED EVERY DEATH UNTO THEM!!! IT IS,

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT [WE MESSENGERS OF HIM✝] POST OR SAY [FOR SURELY YOUR DISOBEDIENCE] GOD✝WILL SO [MARK DOWN] IN HEAVENS💫BOOK OF MANKINDS HISTORY FOR THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT [MANY] HAVE SO ALREADY BEEN JUDGED AND SENTENCED TO HELL🔥☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

THE SUPREME COURT DECISION ON [DACA] [MAY BE MOVED AGAIN] OR IT MAYBE SO [DECIDED IN LATE JUNE 2020] TRUST THAT GOD✝LISTENS 24/7 TO THE PRAYERS🙏OF HIS CHILDREN WORLDWIDE🌏WHO ARE SO PRAYING🙏FOR ALL THE DREAMERS💫AND FUTURE SEEKERS OF FREEDOM YET MUCH [DAMAGE] HAS BEEN DONE RECENTLY AND OVER THE MANY YEARS CAUSING DISTANCE BETWEEN GOD✝AND THE BROWNSTARS✔

GOD✝IS A MIGHTY GOOD GOD✝AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE SO [FOR SURELY THAT IS] WHO 👉HE TRULY IS!!! IT IS CLEAR VERY CLEAR👈

THAT MANY OF YOU [DO BELIEVE] YOU ARE OVER HIM✝HIS SON✝AND WE REAL ANGELS

[HE IS NOW] SO REVIEWING THINGS DONE AND ALSO LISTENING TO DAILY PRAYERS🙏⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

1. VIOLATED MY APARTMENT SPACE!!!✔

GIVEN A KEY🔑TO CLEAN EMPTY UNITS BY THE EVIL👹DEMON OVER THE PROPERTY THESE DEMONS👹WITHIN DAYS OF ME SO MOVING IN ENTERED AND STOLE FOOD, TOLIET PAPER AND POURED OUT COFFEE AND MY PAIN MEDICATION NEEDED FOR MY ▶BAD KNEES◀EVEN THOUGH I WALKED ALL OVER THE [CITY OF ANGELS😇] AND OTHER CITIES BLESSINGS GODS✝CHILDREN AT HIS REQUEST WITH ONLY LIMITED FUNDS ON A LIMITED SSI INCOME IT MADE MY LIFE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT EVERY TIME I WENT OUT TO BLESS MY DOOR WAS OPENED FOR YEARS AS IT IS NOW IF MY SON AND I LEAVE AT THE SAME TIME!!! THE REAL DEMONS👹 REFUSED TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHO I WAS OR WHAT I WAS DOING AT GODS✝REQUEST!!!

THEY WERE TOLD TO STOP🛑MANY TIMES 👉NOTES WERE LEFT FOR THEM TO SEE👈

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2. WALKED ACROSS HOLY💫GROUND!!!✔

💥WARNED💥 NOT TO OPEN MY DOOR AND COME IN INVITED STEALING BATH TOWELS AND IMPORTANT PAPERS WITH WRITTEN DOWN ANGEL QUEEN NAMES AND FUTURE EVENTS THAT DID COME TRUE THESE REAL DEMONS👹WERE WARNED NOT TO OPEN MY DOOR🚪AGAIN AND [WALK ACROSS] HOLY💫GROUND AS I AM THE BROTHER OF GOD✝IN HOLY💫SPIRIT TRUST GOD✝MADE ME WARN THEM DEMONS OVER AND OVER!

THE EVIL👹SHE DEMON👹WAS TOLD IT THEY DIDN'T STOP🛑REAL CANCER💀WOULD BE GIVEN!!! TRUST GOD✝DID RAISE MY HEAVENLY💫POWERFUL FIST🤜 AND THE DEMON👹HAS REAL DEADLY CANCER!!! ☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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3. STOLE A PRICELESS FAMILY PICTURE📷

REAL DEMONS👹IN [FLESH]EAVESDROPED IN ON A CELLPHONE📳CONVERSATION I WAS HAVING WITH SOMEONE ABOUT A PICTURE OF [MY DECEASED BIG BROTHER] GIVEN TO ME OVER 28+ YEARS BY HIS WIFE MY SISTER IN LAW [AFTER HE WAS KILLED] IN A HORRIFIC ACCIDENT NEAR SONOMA ON 👉JULY 16TH 1986👈 THE PICTURE OF MY BROTHER I EXPLAINED TO MY FRIEND I WAS GOING TO HAVE IT PUT ON A T-SHIRT FOR HIS ONLY SON WHO GOING TO TURN 31 IN OCTOBER OF 2014 THIS WAS LATE JULY BECAUSE I MOVED IN JULY 14TH MY NOW GROWN NEPHEW WAS ONLY 2 1/2 WHEN HIS FATHER DIED, HE NEVER SAW THE PIC I HAD HIS MOM OFFERED ME HIS DADS CAR A NICE BROWN EL CAMINO, OR HIS WATCH⌚TRUST I APPRECIATED IT BUT DECLINED SO SHE BROUGHT IN A BOX OF OLD PICTURES AND ASKED WHICH 1 DID I WANT I PICKED THE 1 THAT WAS THE COOLEST😎 DATED 3/8/1981 [HE WAS ON REFORGER]INSIDE OF A ARMY TENT LAYING BACK ON A COT WITH A BOTTLE OF JACK DANIEL'S IN ONE HAND A ARMY ISSUED PISTOL IN THE OTHER A REAL JOINT IN MOUTH AND A SMILE ON HIS FACE!

👉YES👈SOMETIMES DURING OPERATIONS MILITARY PERSONNEL KNOWING THEIR GOING TO BE IN [THE FIELD] FOR A WHILE SNEEK SHIT IN THEIR DUFFLE BAGS IT'S BEEN GOING ON INTHE MILITARY SINCE DAY1 NONE THE LESS THESE DEMON👹BITCHES STOLE THAT PRICELESS PICTURE THAT I WAS GOING TO GIVE TO MY NEPHEW [AFTER I HAD IT PUT ON A SHIRT] FOR HIS 31TH BIRTHDAY🎂OCTOBER 22ND 2014 THEY STOLE A PRICELESS PICTURE SHOWING OFF USING IT TO SPREAD VICIOUS EVIL👹LIES ABOUT THE MAN ON THE PIC BEING MY LOVER, EVIL👹BITCHES KNEW THAT WAS MY DECEASED BROTHER CAUSE THEY DID HEAR MY CONVERSATION THROUGH MY OPEN BEDROOM WINDOW THAT HOT DAY YET REAL DEMONS👹IN [FLESH] HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR THE DEAD!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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4. TRIED TO HIT ME WITH NEW CAR✔

AS I WAS WALKING TO TAKE OUT MY TRASH ONE MORNING I NOTICED THAT THE EVIL👹SHE DEMON👹BITCH WAS WARMING HER NEW CAR UP SO I WATCHED CAREFULLY AS SHE SAT THERE YET AS I WALKED RIGHT PASSED THE BACK OF IT BUT NOT TO CLOSE SHE QUICKLY BACKED UP ALMOST HITTING ME!!! THANK YOU GOD✝FOR WARNING ME!!!

[MOFO'S PAID] A LOT OF EVIL👹MONEY💵

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5. SPREAD EVIL👹DEMON LIES✔

[THINKING SHE COULD GET AWAY WITH IT]

SINCE EVERYONE IN THE WORLD🌎 KNEW THAT GOD✝ SAID [I COULD NOT TOUCH] ANY OF MY [3] TOP HEADANGELQUEENS💜💜💜GABBY AND SANDRA IN LAS VEGAS OR ANA IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD OR ANY IN THE CITY OF VAN NUYS LIKE MY CHOSEN DARKSTARS MIMI AND Dd THIS EVIL👹LYING DEMON DID SO [SPREAD THE RUMOR] THAT SHE SLEPT WITH ME! NOT IN A BILLION YEARS WOULD I EVER, EVER SLEPT WITH A REAL DEMON👹

ESPECIALLY, SINCE 1, GOD✝SEES ALL AND WOULD [KILL MY ASS] EVEN IF I SLEPT WITH ANY OF MY REAL LUVS💕 BEFORE IT WAS TIME TO CREATE OUR BABYANGELS😇AND #2 MY QUEENS���[KNOW MY EVERY MOVE] AS [POSTED BEFORE] BECAUSE GOD✝ DID SO [TIE] US AS ONE MANY CENTURIES AGO!

YET I HEARD [FALSE BULLSHIT] ALL OVER TOWN, LYING EVIL👹BITCH, AS GOD✝SAID [THIS BITCH] DOES NOT EVEN KNOW THY BIRTHMARK DIRECTLY UPON THY CHEST OR STOMACH THE SHE DEMON👹KNOWS NOT WHICH ONE A HEAVENLY💫UNIQUE SHAPE TRULY UNFORGETTABLE SHE IS A BIG LIAR!!!

TRUST HER EVIL👹SOUL CAST INTO HELLS DEEPEST FLAMING🔥PITS LONG AGO!!!

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6. WENT AGAINST GODS✝HOLY💫LAW!!!✔

TRIED HER EVILSELF👹HAD HER BITCH EVIL SON👹NEIGHBORS ON BOTH SIDES OF ME AND DEMONS👹ACROSS THE STREET TO MAKE ME STAND UP☝GOING AGAINST GODS✝💫HOLY💫PLANS AND HOLY💫LAW⚖ 👉👉👉COMMITTING A GREAT SIN👈👈👈AGAINST OUR GOD✝OVER AND OVER!!!

THEY WERE TOLD A HEAVY PRICE WOULD BE PAID IN FULL AND IT SHALL GODSAYS!!!

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

THAT'S WHY CORONAVIRUS���WAS SENT!!! IT IS HIS [1ST WRATH✝AGAINST MANKIND] AFTER THE DEMONS👹WERE TOLD MANY TIMES YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHATS COMING!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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7. LAUGHABLE INTIMATION✔

I'VE BEEN CALLED NIGGER SO MANY TIMES [ITS RIDICULOUS] LORD!!!

I HEARD 'HE SHOULD BE CASTRATED'

I'VE BEEN CALLED FAG AND HOMOSEXUAL IN TWO DIFFERENT SPANISH DIALECTS FOR YEARS [BY BROWNSTARS ALL OVER TOWN] FOR MANY YEARS!!! YES [UNGRATEFUL] AND TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL I TOLD MY LORD!

THE DEMONS👹IN [FLESH] HAVE TIRED TO [FORCE ME TO BLESS] THEM BY WALKING DIRECTLY IN MY PATH ON THE STREETS BIG MISTAKE🤜💀

THE DEMONS👹[HAVE TRIED] TO AWAKEN ME IN THE EARLY DARK HOURS BY TALKING SHIT OUTSIDE ON THE SIDEWALK BUT GOD✝AND I ARE SO USUALLY ALREADY UP!!!

THE DEMONS👹[HAVE TIRED TO PROVOKE] ME OVER [THE LAST YEAR OR SO WHEN I'M [SPEAKING IN HOLY💫SPIRIT] WITH GOD✝ DURING THE DAYTIME HOPING TO CAPTURE ME ON THEIR APARTMENT CAMERAS🎥

RESPONDING TO THEIR EVIL👹BULLSHIT SO THEY CAN RUN TO [MY VA VASH REPS] AND [HOUSING AUTHORITY] AND SAY, SEE THIS GUY IS UNSTABLE!!! BITCHES PLEASE SMDH☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

MY GOD✝IS REAL HE SEES AND KNOWS ALL!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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8. DEADLY💀EXPLOSION💥MEANT TO BE?✔

AFTER SPENDING THE WEEKEND AT ONE OF MY SISTER'S I CAME BACK AND BEFORE I GOT A FEW FEET FROM MY FRONT DOOR🚪 THE SMELL OF LEAKING GAS WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO KNOCK A BULL TO THE DIRT!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

TRULY I THANK GOD✝THAT MY SON WAS OVER HIS GRANDMOTHER'S AT THE TIME ONCE I OPENED THE DOOR🚪I HAD TO HURRY UP AND STEP BACK!!! IMMEDIATELY I MADE AN EMERGENCY🤳CALL TO THE GAS COMPANY WHO HAD A WORKER THERE IN ABOUT 👉5 MINUTES👈HE HIMSELF HAD TO COVER HIS FACE YET OPENED A WINDOW I FORGOT [AFTER EXPLAINING TO ME] THAT 👉SOMEONE HAD LOOSENED A SMALL👈 CONNECTOR WHICH [IF NOT REPORTED] IN POSSIBLY A FEW MORE MINUTES COULD HAVE CAUSED A 🔥HUGE EXPLOSION!!!🔥

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▶ANYTHING TO SEPARATE ME AWAY FROM MY BLESSED CHOSEN ANGELQUEENWIVES

ASK YOURSELVES, [WHO DOES SHIT] LIKE THAT? NONE BUT THE EVIL👹OF SATAN👹

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9. DISRESPECTED MY FAMILY✔

TOTAL DISRESPECT!!! FROM THE TIME MY YOUNGEST SON CURTIS JR. TRIED TO GAIN EMPLOYMENT AND WAS SHUT OUT OF THE SYSTEM BY THE REAL DEMONS👹PUTTING THE WORD OUT IN VAN NUYS THAT IF I DID [NOT STAND UP AGAINST] GOD✝FOR THEM MY SON COULD NOT EVER WORK IN THIS TOWN! 👉POINT 1, HE APPLIED AT SEVERAL PLACES THAT [I BLESSED FOR MONTHS] THAT WAS HIRING! HE KNEW THEY WE'RE HIRING BECAUSE I TOLD HIM I ALSO TOLD THE MANAGERS AT THIS PLACES TOO EXPECT VISIT FROM MY SON WHO WAS LOOKING FOR WORK! EACH TIME NO LUCK! NO PROBLEM KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KEEP APPLYING EVEN THOUGH DEMONS👹PUT THE WORD OUT!!! BUT AFTER THE LAST ONE I TOLD HIM JUST WAIT!!! CHECK THIS!!!

MACDONALD'S🍔HIRED HIM, TOLD HIM TO COME BACK FOR HIS ORIENTATION IN A [COUPLE OF DAYS] BECAUSE THEY WERE GOING TO HIRE 2 MORE PEOPLE! AFTER A COUPLE OF DAYS HE WENT BACK UP THERE AND WAS TOLD TO COME BACK A 3RD TIME THE NEXT DAY TO. FINALLY GO THROUGH ORIENTATION AND GET HIS WORK UNIFORM

3 FUCKING TIMES HE WENT UP THERE ONLY TO BE TOLD DEMON👹BULLSHIT AND WHEN HE WENT THERE THE LAST TIME THEY SAID 👉👉THE MANGER WOULD CALL HIM!!!👈👈

GOD✝SAID, [YOU WERE RIGHT AGAIN] THE BROWNSTAR DEMONS👹IN VAN NUYS WILL NOT EVER CHANGE!!!

📳BEING CONNECTED TO DEMONTRUMP👹THE DEMONS👹[HAVE BEEN TOLD] ABOUT CERTAIN FAMILY CONVERSATIONS WHICH [WERE MEANINGLESS] SINCE ITS JUST [VERBAL ANGEL😇TALK] BUT ALL OF MY FAMILIES PHONES📳HAVE BEEN TAPPED BY THE DEMONTRUMP👹ADMINISTRATION👹

👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂

WHEN EVER YOU HEAR ECHOES WHEN YOU ARE [TALKING TO SOMEONE] TRUST YOUR PHONE IS DEFINITELY TAPPED!!! BELIEVE IT, I USE TO WORK FOR NEXTEL PARTNERS IN LAS VEGAS BEFORE THEY SOLD OUT TO SPRINT. IF YOU'RE WONDERING IS OUR ▶CONVOS STILL BEING LISTENED TOO?◀

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[YES] BUT WE'RE USE TO IT UNCLE SAM🇺🇸 HAS BEEN AROUND MY ANGEL😇FAMILY [FOR MANY DECADES!!!] REMEMBER, MY [MIB] CONVERSATION AFTER SWEARING IN UNCLE SAMS🇺🇸ARMY HE HAD A FILE!!! YEAH, THE LIFE OF REAL ANGELS IS NO JOKE!!!

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👉2 WEEKS👈THE REAL DEMONS👹IN WASHINGTON, DC DECIDED TO TAKE OVER MY CELLPHONE📳BY CONTROLLING WHEN I CAN OPERATE IT!!! IF I POST CERTAIN THINGS THEY TRY AND ERASE THEM SO THE WORLD🌎DOES NOT KNOW THE TRUTH REALITY!!! FOR INSTANCE LAST WEEK GOD✝ WANTED [THE SIGN OF HEAVENS LIGHT] TO BE SEEN POSTED BY HIS SPECIAL ANGEL💫 TIM😇KNOWN AS UFO MAN IT WAS TITLED FLASHING LIGHTS RECORDED IN THE UK🇬🇧

IT WAS A AWESOME TRUTH REALITY VIDEO THAT I TRIED TO POST BUT IT WAS ERASED INSTANTLY AND YOUTUBE UNDER ORDERS ERASED THE VIDEO WITHIN MERE MINUTES

NOW THE REAL DEMONS👹THINK THAT THEY ARE IN SOME TYPE OF CONTROL ▶WHEN THE TOTAL OPPOSITE IS TRUE!!!◀

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇GOD✝IS IN TOTAL CONTROL OVER ALL OF MANKIND WHICH IS EVIDENT IN THE VERY POWERFUL COVID-[19] GLOBAL PANDEMIC

HEAVENLY💫ANGEL WAR SHIPS👽AND HEAVENLY ANGEL WAR ORBS😇BEING SEEN ▶[GLOBALLY🌎NOW MORE THAN EVER]◀ BEFORE IN MANKIND'S SHORT HISTORY AND PEOPLE ARE POSTING EVIDENCE DAILY🌅☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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10. SOLD OUT OWN RACE!!!✔

STUPID ASS EVIL👹DEMONS👹[FOR YEARS] REPEATEDLY WENT AGAINST GOD✝AND HIS HOLY💫PLANS [AND STILL DO KNOWING] FULL WELL THE CONSEQUENCES IN FLESH AND IN THE SPIRITUAL💫WORLD AFTER THEY DIE💀[YET THEY REFUSE TO OBEY!!!]

👉OVER A YEAR AGO I TOLD THE DEMONS YOU'RE GOING TO NEED US, GODS ANGELS IN THE FUTURE ONE DAY AND WE WILL NOT HELP ANY OF YOU [BECAUSE WE DO NOT] [OWE YOU SHIT!!!]✔ TRUST I MEANT EVERY WORD!!! EVIL👹DEMON👹MOFO'S ACT LIKE WE OWE THEM SOMETHING UNGRATEFUL✔ ▶SELLOUTS OF THEIR BROWNSTAR RACE◀

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VOLUNTEERS TO GO AGAINST US FOR CASH THEY GAMBLED WITH THEIR VERY LIVES!!!!

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THESE IGNORANT REAL DEMONS IN FLESH

ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT [NO MATTER] HOW MANY YEARS THEY DISRESPECTED MY GODS✝ HOLY💫PLANS, OR [WE HIS ANGELS] THEY COULD GET PAID💵EVIL👹GAINS FOR YEARS AND STILL GET HELP ON [DACA!!!]

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👹THEY ASSUMED👹THEY HAD ME IN A CLASSIC CATCH 22 BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE MEANING THAT I HAD TO TAKE THEIR EVIL👹BULLSHIT👹AND STILL HELP👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

[THE DACA DREAMERS] BECAUSE GOD✝ [BLESSED ME] WITH SO MANY BEAUTIFUL 👑BROWNSTAR 💜💜ANGELQUEENWIVES👑

THEY WERE COUNTING ON MY WIVES💗TOO ▶PRESSURE ME INTO HELPING THE [DACA] ▶DREAMERS [WHICH I WOULD HAVE DONE] ▶ANYWAY IF GOD✝ HAD NOT BEEN TOTALLY ▶DISRESPECTED HAD NOT WE ALSO BEEN ▶TOTALLY DISRESPECTED!!!!! NOT NOW!!!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

UNFORTUNATELY, [THAT SHIT BACKFIRED]✔ BECAUSE OF THE WAY MY ANGEL😇 FAMILY AND I HAVE BEEN AND ARE STILL TREATED!

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

SO IT IS BEST FOR [THE DREAMERS💫] TO SO KEEP THEIR FAITH✝STRONG IN GOD✝

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

FOR SURELY HE IS REVIEWING THESE EVIL DEEDS👹BY BROWNSTAR DEMONS👹AND YOUR [LACK OF SPIRITUAL💫STRENGTH] TO STEP FORWARD AND [SPEAK UP] FOR WHAT 👉WAS BEING DONE IN THE NAME OF YOU 👉BROWNSTARS BY THEM!!! GOD✝WATCHED 👉FROM HOLY💫HEAVEN AS YOU STOOD BY 👉FOR YEARS AND SPOKE NOT A WORD OF 👉SUPPORT FOR ME, HIS ANGEL BROTHER FORCED TO BLESS YOU FOR YEARS!!! SMDH!

THIS IS NOT THE 1ST TIME I POSTED THINGS WE HAVE BEEN AND STILL GO THROUGH!!!!!

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

MANY DREAMERS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!

MANY WORLDWIDE🌎PRAY FOR YOU DAILY!

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IF THESE EVIL👹DEEDS [ARE ERASED] GOD✝ SHALL HAVE ME POST THEM ANOTHER TIME!!! YET THESE ARE BUT A FEW OF MANY REASONS [I WILL NOT HELP BROWNSTARS] BEFORE THE SUPREME COURTS DECISION!!!

GODSAYS💫IN THE ALMOST [6 YEARS] OF THIS EVILNESS👹DONE IN [HIS CURRENT] DEMON NEIGHBORHOOD NOT 1,✔ NOT 1,✔ BROWNSTAR SPOKE UP AGAINST THE REAL DEMONS👹SUPPORTING MY BROTHER AS I AM HE [FORCED HIM TO BLESS VAN NUYS] AND MANY OTHER CITIES IN CALIFORNIA!!!

HE HAS LIVED IN VAN NUYS SINCE 1/2013

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GODSAYS💫ONLY [10] WILL BE MENTIONED THIS DAY🌅AS THE IMPORTANCE OF OUR SPIRITUAL💫WAR AGAINST DEMONS👹IS FAR GREATER THAN THESE ALREADY KNOWN EVIL👹DEEDS WHICH HAVE TRULY CAUSED MUCH WRATH✝UPON MANKIND!!!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

MORE POSTED AT [10AM] TIME FOR DEEP SPIRIT💫USING MY 3RD EYE!!! 0505HRS PST

▶SHARE THIS IMPORTANT INFO POST!!!!!◀

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[IF] DACA ENDS [BLAME] DEMONTRUMP👹AND THE SELLOUT BROWNSTAR DEMONS👹

🌍🌎🌏🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌏

WORLD🌍LEADERS ALL LAUGHING LOUDLY

PEACE PROTESTORS RAN HIM👹UP INTO A BUNKER!!!

NOT TERRORIST, GODS PEACEFUL PEOPLE!!!

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫

GODSAYS💫IF MARTIAL LAW COMES YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO MY CHILDREN!!!

👉👉NATO COMMAND SHOULD STAY👈👈 🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳ON ALERT!!!🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

[lucifer-kane]

Long post with all those damn questions, For Luca! 

1. What is their gender?: transmasc but also ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. What is their sexuality?: bi

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?: Not really a meaning to him, just he saw a name and was like ‘mine now’. Nicknames range from “Lu” to “Shit head” Depending who it is

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with?: One sister! She’s younger and they’re pretty close, the void kinda fucked that up but they reconnected 

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?: Very close with his parents, they’re not all that close with more distant family.

6. What would they give their life for?: Real talk? Fuck the void up so no one else can get hurt because of it 

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?: Depending what verse, it’s Ron mainly, the Big Husband. Then the “Self Care” one is the big ot4 of him with Ron/Jack/Sammy and it’s real good stuff  But sticking with Ron, they met because Luca spent so much damn time at the lake after he got thrown out of the void because it was kind of a peaceful spot, he loves it there. 

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?: He’s not super sure at this point, and it scares him just a bit 

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?: Deep green, Ferret 

10. What are some of their talents/skills?: Art mostly, really good at fishing in all honesty. 

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?: Making King Falls not be Like That all the time, helping make it a more comfortable place to live for anyone. 

12. How old are they? When is their birthday?: 35/37 Feb 14th

13. What do they do for fun?: Draw, nap by the lake, read, rollerblade 

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it?: Ron makes really good chicken fried steak and he will eat it as much as Ron will make it 

15. What was something their parents taught them?: Mom: Sewing Dad: Fishing

16. Are they religious?: Nah, more agnostic than anything else 

17. Where were they born?: Biiiiiig Pine 

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages?: Mostly English, some Polish (moms side of the family)

19. What is their occupation?: Freelancer 

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?: None 

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality?: How nice he can be

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality?: Silent anger

23. Do they get lonely easily?: Very much so

24. Do you know their MBTI type?: Not At All

25. What is their biggest flaw?: He’ll shut down if mad, will run off to do something without telling anyone first 

26. Are they aware of their flaws?: 100% 

27. What is their biggest strength?: The ability to admit he was wrong

28. Are they aware of their strengths?: Yes

29. How would they describe their own personality?: Timid, talkative when someone gets to know him, funny, kind

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?: Fight! Fight! Fight. Has punched Frickard more than once

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?: Absolutely, and constantly. First it was Ron for a couple reasons, but Jack is the biggest 

32. What is their self esteem like?: Eh? Could be better, but not the worse really

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?: Going back into the void / he goes back in there to save his friend

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives?: Secrets: Depends how close they are. Life: They gotta be close as hell 

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them?: Ask them about the void really

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous.: Dark humor, uses it mostly as a front 

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?: Very easy! Never said without meaning 

38. What do others admire most about their personality?: Energetic, but will chill if others aren’t wanting to deal with it

39. What does their happily ever after look like?: A comfortable life, stability. 

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual?: Ron mostly, 100% mutual. 

Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh?: So many snorts, it’s loud and happy, they laugh a lot more often now 

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance?: Hair! Hair! Hair! 

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?: Weirdly short torso?? idk really 

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars?: A few, most from void weirdness

45. How would they describe their own appearance?: Not tall, not short, stocky

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?: Expressing post void was a little hard, emotions for the first little while just showed without him wanting them to. Same with hiding

47.  What’s their pain tolerance like?: Pretty high really 

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos?: A few (not fleshed out) 

49. Do they have any piercings?: ears/belly button 

50. How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing?: Comfortable for both. 

51. What is their height? Weight?: 5′8 / ????

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc?: chubby/broad shoulders 

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?: Hair: white/reddish brown Eyes: Hazel Skin tone: White/Tanned

54. What is their current hairstyle? What have been some of their past hairstyles? Which was their favorite hairstyle?: Shaved at the sides/long at the top, it’s been that way since basically forever 

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?: Quite high, giggily drunk, not that bad really 

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?): Pine-y? Like the earth and dirt but not in a bad way. 

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?: It’s fun! He likes it. definitely not 

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute?: Strong Arms

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?: Tired more than anything

60. Describe the way they sleep.: Tosses and turns a lot, loves sleeping on his stomach if alone. If with someone(s), loves being cuddled up

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?: Fall! 

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?: Eh, not really

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?: Friends, a good joke

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?: Cold real easily, can almost never get warm

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?: Shockingly good immune system, is grumpy when sick

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there?: King Falls is nice, he could like a warmer climate, but likes the size of the town

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?: He’s actually really neat, gets anxious if things are messy 

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?: I don’t think it really did??

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?: Not as much as some would think

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets?: Loves animals! Has a dog! 

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?: Loves kids so much, will have 2

72.  Would they rather have stability or comfort?: Stability 

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?: Outdoors

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?: Warm but not too hot, not a fan of storms 

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?: So many doodles 

76. How organized are they?: SUPER organized, helped Ron get the bait shop more organized 

77. What is their most prized possession?: A lil art book from his grandfather 

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?: Hard to say, he’s close with a few other sonas, loves them SO much, he can’t just pick one person 

79. What is their economic situation?: Could be better, but comfortable 

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?: Night owl all the damn way

Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?: Nah, he was going to be a doctor 

82. What is their handwriting like?: Could be better 

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?: Good swimmer! Not great, but good enough to swim in the lake

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?: Envy (past) Wrath (current, more towards assholes in town) 

85. Do they believe in ghosts?: 100% (”Apparitions!”) 

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?: Holidays are spent with friends and family, same with birthdays 

87. What is something they regret?: Leaving Jack even if it wasn’t in his control 

88. Do they have an accent?: Not really?? 

89. What is their D&D alignment? Neutral Good

90. Are they right or left handed?: Left! 

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be?

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said?: I.... really don’t think about this thing often alkjsfgrlkh “You know Harrison? The weird immortal bastard? I’m gonna go break into his house and steal some shit” 

Not really ~iconic~ but like Drunk Luca is just Time To Crime