#lost in limbo ara

[spookymews]

LOST IN LIMBO IS ALMOST FUNDED!!! I'm hyped, Go check it out!!

And accept this chibi of my Beloved, Ara

[karokawwo]

so i played lost in limbo demo not too long ago and kind of! fell in love. so i made my own little oc to go through the horrors with!

[aiscapades]

i hear amon pronounce the ou in your and i know that southern accent is fake

[justanaspiringsomeone]

Angry Ara

Idk what you did but uh…. Fathers speed? Uh…. Pride’s speed? Idk

Good luck basically

[genericvisualnovelfan]

OMG thank you so much for answering my ask 🥰

Oh Gael, my love, I'd never want to peel him off 😅

Ara is so sweet, my heart 😭

I have a self-indulgent ask because I just got back home from a surgery. 😅 How would the love interests take care of a sick or injured MC?

Oh no love! ;_; 💜 I hope everything went well and you are doing fine! Wishing you a speedy recovery from the team and I! 💜Also, sorry for taking a while—this was longer than I expected! I hope it makes you feel a little better! 💜

✦ How the LIs / ROs take care of a sick or injured MC!

✦ Amon: He's good at concealing his worry, but he'd be a lot more attentive than the usual. He would make sure the MC is feeling comfortable and is in no pain at all; he'll strike conversation, telling them about his many adventures to make them forget about whatever is going on, keeping them busy and entertained during the day so they can rest well at night. Of course, he's keeping watch while the MC sleeps.

✦ Raeya: She's a calm one. She probably knows what the MC needs before they say anything, and she'll be careful to disturb them as little as possible while still offering her presence as comfort. She would make her special tea brew for the MC, something she used to do when her siblings were little. Anyone would feel safe around Raeya while being sick or hurt, honestly; she makes it seem like she has everything under control at all times! She won't tolerate the MC being a little crybaby, though!

✦ Gael: Oooh he's a little worrywart. He'd be checking on the MC every two seconds, asking what he can do for them, if they need water, a blanket...Probably asking the same questions over and over again until the MC tells him to calm down. At the end of the day, it'd seem the MC is the one taking care of Gael instead. Also, you'd need a spatula to peel him off his loved one, because he won't leave the MC's side!

✦ Envy: They are secretly —and not so secretly— freaking out. Taking care of someone important to them is something they have not done in a long time. They'd keep a diary where he'd write down how the MC is doing every hour, just to make sure everything is going well, and to quickly react to any changes. They'll most likely memorize whatever the medics have said and would be very strict about doctor's orders. They would find any excuse to spend more time with the MC while making it seem like they are sooo annoyed to have to take care of them.

✦ Ara: You know everything will be alright with this sunshine by your side! Ara would cook the MC's favorite meals and would pamper them in every way. She would fill the MC's room with their favorite flowers, open the windows wide to let some fresh air in, give the MC their favorite sweets, and would bring over books and her painting tools to spend the afternoons painting and reading with the MC if they feel like it. She would probably come up with the craziest plans to keep the MC happy and in good spirits while recovering!

✦ Xal: He's a bit clueless at first, because usually he's the one being taken care of. He would make a list of things that make him feel better when he's sick: a good movie, model building, his favorite drink, special snacks, comfort plushies, card games, fluffy blankets...You bet the MC's room would be more crowded than usual. Xal would have a plan for each day to ensure the MC is not having a bad time and to have every hour planned to a T. Also, lots of cuddles, if allowed.

✦ Father Pride: Ah, eons as Father of All and personal father of six, Pride is going to take such good care of you. He'd be confident, unfazed, and he would make sure to pass that confidence into the MC. They are going to be fine. He'll make sure of it. His duties keep him busy most of the time, but he'd check on the MC pretty regularly and would only allow his most trusted medics to assist him in his task of taking care of his beloved. Would write short letters for the MC and leave them on the nighttable for them to find in the morning whenever he has not been able to spend the night with them.

[nitrowyverine]

I think I write dating sim/VNs/etc reviews now? Anyway,

LOST IN LIMBO REVIEW/THOUGHTS

This VN piqued my interest, so I gave the demo a shot! This review will follow the same general format as my Obscura/Touchstarved review, except there's 7 (!!!) romance options.

Since I totally loved this game, I'm going to put the conclusion promo up here too: if Lost in Limbo interests you, consider playing it Here, Here on steam, and/or backing it Here!

ALSO! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE DEMO!

My (long winded) thoughts are below:

(Banner image courtesy of the Ravenstar Games tumblr account pinned post. Individual character pics courtesy of tumblr posts from the studio. Individual posts are linked in character titles.)

Gameplay design thoughts:

the plot immediately sucked me in, I'm pretty invested in whatever the hell is going on with the protag, the realms, the lords, etc. I think the setup/land are deep enough to draw me in, but not so intimidating in it's depth that I'm afraid to explore more.

I always enjoy a little bit of nightmare fuel in my games, so the voidbound are perfect. They're so gross and horrible, but not just a stock zombie/nightmare creature design. Whenever the voidbound pop up, it makes the back of my neck itch, which is perfect.

I have no idea whose route I'll pick first. Usually I have one candidate that I can pick out as number 1. This game however? I go back and forth all the time, since I love all of them. I do think I have bias for Ara/Gael/Amon/Envy, maybe?

I really want to design an MC to doodle for this, but I feel like I don't know enough about other people in the realm. (Mostly, I'm assuming that standard humans don't have pointy ears? how close to our reality is the regular world?) I might say "screw it" and design an MC anyway (with some speculative clothing for once they get cleaned up)

The backgrounds have been great set pieces so far. Sometimes I catch myself just kinda staring into space at them. They've got a fantastic flavor.

Misc. Thoughts written during a replay

Fun touch to have Evie's rock image from the beginning fortune shop scene line up with the 7 LI's color schemes.

Each of the VA's does a lovely job with their voices. I've been turned off of certain dating sims because of bad voice acting, but the acting in this game is superb so far. It really helps set the richness of the story.

I have a theory that the LI's (and possibly people in Limbo in general) experience pain differently. The characters seem largely uninterested in the MC's stabbed, weakened state, beyond a "Oh that sucks....we'll clean you up later" mentality. I wonder if they have different pain tolerances, or are just less attached to such things. (Then again, Amon and Raeya have full missing limbs/eyes, so they probably have a decent perspective on pain altogether)

What does wielder/non-wielder mean? Xal says the MC "Can't wield, can't see." What do the LI's see that we don't? Ara mentions that the MC seems "Completely normal". Many mysteries.

I need those monster forms like crazy oh my goodness. Please devs PLEASE SHOW THE MONSTER FORMS

Now, to the lovely love interests!

Amon

WHO LET THIS MAN BE OVER 7 FEET TALL? PRIDE YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO

I only just noticed he also has a few freckles, *chefs kiss* (Waaaiit do all of them have little freckle skin textures??? Oh this is a glorious day.)

It's hard not to love a big friendly guy. I was honestly relieved when he first showed up, because I did Envy's route first, and I was thrilled to see a friendly face in the big dark scary woods.

This does not mean, however, that I'm not excited to see what this guy turns into when he's mad.

I like that he has pity for MC when they first show up, but I do worry it makes his resolve weaker. I'm not as confident that he could handle society/reality breaking down as well as the others. Can he put aside his affable nature for when shit hits the fan?

Question: What level of fight had to happen for Amon to lose his eye? He's already huge, and has some sort of telekinetic powers. My theory is that he was taken by surprise, maybe by someone close to him.....(Envy I'm looking at you)

RIP Amon you would have loved Hawaiian shirts

Conclusion: Most likely to be the camp counselor who hurts his back from always giving piggy back rides. Least likely to keep his composure during a badly timed pun/dad joke.

Raeya

I'm fighting for my life whenever shes on screen good LORD

Similarly to Amon, I GOTTA know the story behind her prosthetic arm. Its so rad looking, but how did she lose a whole arm? (I am also considering that she was also not born with one)

Playing the demo again, she makes a specific comment about the monsters having not "infected a limb" of the MC. My bet is that's how she lost her arm.

I wish I could have spent 1:1 time with her, but it wasn't offered in the demo. I'd love to have like, a sit down discussion with her about history. (Well I'd be fine getting lectured about history and drinking tea and hanging out)

Out of everyone's motivations, I think I understood Raeya's the most. Even if she was against MC, I think her concerns are completely valid. If an alien fell out of the sky from a different reality to earth I'd ALSO be taking every precaution

She and Amon have matching ear chains, that's adorable....

I hope I can take her on a nice date and spoil her and let her relax in the full game, pretty please. Nothing bad will happen right???

Conclusion: Most likely to gently remind the waiter that you said NO pickles with your order, thank you very much. Least likely to admit to being the one who farted in a crowded room.

Envy

every other line from him is "UGGGHHH" and i love that for them.

After playing, I think I've finally realized that I've got a soft spot for grumps. just grumpy lil friends with their pouty faces

I want (vivi's) Envy's nails SO BAD. I need him to do my nails because theirs are perfect. Envy, envy PLEASE

They pretend not to care, but are already getting attached to the MC by the end of the demo. I can't wait to see what they're like when they actually DO get attached

Elephant in the room, what could he have possibly done to get himself demoted so severely? Everyone seems to be fine with him being demoted except Amon, who sheepishly vouches for him when he can.

I just wanna wrap him in a blanket burrito like you do with a spicy kitten. and then give him little smooches

Conclusion: Most likely to be they guy who gets one drink at a party and sits in the corner with the dog/cat all night. Least likely to allow their partner to willingly boop their nose with any regularity.

Pride

Old man yells at cloud? No....old man IS cloud.

The dev's tumblr has mentioned that he's a pathetic old man, but for now at least, I am afraid of his authority and power. since hes like. yaknow. the big god of this world

The VA did some fabulous work for his voice. I definitely got actual chills in certain parts. 10/10

Okay, so WHAT is this guy's deal with mirrors? He looks great, why is he worried about it. I sincerely doubt he's just 52 though, if he's a god. (as a note for all these interests, I have a feeling that the ages are their physical ages, and not their actual ages. Or at least, age relative to ours. I think they're much older in our years than in their years.)

We also didn't get any 1:1 time with Pride in the demo, so I'm fascinated to see what alone time with Pride would be like. Is he quiet? a chatterbox? Just a guy??? does he only play piano and not talk to you. (power move)

Conclusion: Most likely to show up WAY over-prepared for Parent-Teacher conferences. Least likely to understand and survive the cinnamon challenge.

Ara

Certified CUTIE PIE

We got a pretty clear demonstration of everyone's powers in the demo, except for Ara. Unless it was too subtle for me to realize, I'm not actually sure what her cool powers are yet.

If she DOESN'T have plant powers I'd be very surprised.

I keep wanting to think things like "I have to protect her" or "keep her safe at all costs". But then I remember she's likely absolutely terrifying, and I honestly should be actually afraid for anyone who gets in her way.

I would like to remind/inform everyone that so far, she is the only member of the cast who is visibly armed at all times. (Raeya doesn't count even if her arm claws look really really sharp.)

If I have to pick anyone to party with, it's probably Ara. I know she'd throw an absolute rager, but would also make sure you stay hydrated. I wanna hold her hand too. Please?

I'll go butch for her, i'll do it if thats what she wants. I'm weak

Conclusion: Most likely to be able convince you to give her your kidney. Least likely to let you skip a bloodthirsty game of monopoly because you "Have a headache"

Gael

where did he find pants long enough for him.

Okay. So its HIS fault that Amon has the deepest V-cut since time immemorial. Do you think Amon and Gael had an extensive argument about the minimum amount of clothes Amon has to wear at any given time? Because I do.

His powers certainly did not. Awaken anything in me. Nope.

he has the shortest and most perfect arc from stranger -> friendly -> ???? -> BETRAYAL

I am MASSIVELY curious about his dissociation/spacing out during the demo. He was 8 million miles away in the tower for some reason, and I HAVE to find out why. I just KNOW this man is doing some questionable shit with good intentions and I can't wait to find out what it is.

So, he has SOME issue with touch. No idea what it is, but I can't wait to find out what it is. Also noting he's the only one with full-coverage gloves in the cast. Interesting...

Conclusion: Most likely to cry after being sent those sad FB/insta animal stories. Least likely to let you open your own car/carriage/etc door under any circumstances.

Xal

He looks so soft. I have to bully him, in a good way. (Like grim from Date with Death)

I am fascinated as to why he would lie for MC. That's such a great hook to his character. What does a guy who so desperately wants to be left alone have to see to stick his neck out for a stranger?

SOMEONE get this man a NINTENDO DS POST HASTE

THIS GAME HAS TO GET FUNDED BECAUSE XAL SAYS HE HAS A CAT AND I WANT TO SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will do it, I will be the one to tuck him in when he is too eepy. I will carry him to bed and kiss his little head good night

Wait, if he can "Figure something out" by touching it, he could be like, the worlds greatest doctor. Xal please get off the couch and help me diagnose mystery ailments in a medical sitcom

Conclusion: Most likely to injure himself rigging up a Rue Goldberg machine to scratch his back. Least likely take it easy on you once he learns how to play super smash bros. (He's a fox/falco main)

Concerns:

What the Ravenstar team has already been able to accomplish is incredible. I'm worried that with 7 whole love interests (with a possible two more on the way if the kickstarter goes well), i'm worried the devs are taking on a whole lot of work. I think they're fully capable of taking this on, but I hope they don't burn themselves out in the process.

I'm pretty happy to see the kickstarter is moving along, but there's always the chance that something happens, and/or the kickstarter goal isn't met. BY THE TIME I FINISHED WRITING THIS IT GOT FUNDED LETS GOO!!! I still hope this project makes it all the way to completion beyond the kickstarter. Things can always happen, so Ive got my fingers crossed for the Ravenstar team!

OVERALL CONCLUSION:

I loved the demo, and I have now backed the project! The team is trying to hit stretch goals now, so share Lost in Limbo with your buddies! I crave content for this game like nothing else.

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Twenty Two

⚠WARNING: Hospitals, mentions of hospital treatments (ethical and unethical - it is just speculated, there is no graphic descriptions nor is there any unethical hospital treatments used on any characters.)

• ────── ✾ ────── •

You're folding the picnic blanket when you think to turn your phone back on.

Oikawa, Mattsun and Makki are discussing their plans for the rest of the day - they want to keep reminiscing and there’s talks of pulling out yearbooks and photos. You let them plan, knowing you’d be on board with whatever they want.

Your phone fully comes on, and a text pops up immediately.

Your heart plummets in your chest. You quickly unlock your phone and call Kita immediately. You don’t want to wait long before he picks up.

“Hello Y/N-san.”

“Kita,” you reply. Your throat feels dry as a desert. “What’s wrong, is Osamu okay?”

“Yes, Osamu is okay and not in any immediate danger.” He is quick to quell your fears, not wasting any time with pleasantries. “His fever intensified after he woke up so we brought him to the hospital. He was admitted in the later morning, but the doctor is confident that with plenty of medicine, fluids and rest Osamu will be fine.”

You sigh. “Thank goodness. I’m glad he’s okay.”

There’s a slight pause before Kita replies. “Yes, as are we.”

You didn’t like that pause. Nor the way he phrased his response.

“Kita, what’s wrong?”

There’s another pause before you hear a sigh. Then Kita speaks. “Osamu was admitted for his fever. But he is going to remain in the hospital under psychiatric watch.”

Your heart drops to your stomach. Out of the corner of your eyes you’ve noticed your friends paused in their cleaning efforts and are giving you concerned looks.

“What?” You whisper. “What does that mean?”

“It was at the advice of the in-house psychiatrist that Osamu remained until his parents could talk about next steps, and Osamu agreed. His parents are less than an hour away - we contacted them last night when we came to Osamu’s apartment. He is not a threat to himself at this time but during this limbo they want to keep him under watch.”

Kita speaks in his soothing, calm voice you’ve gotten familiar with and his words are meant to reassure you. But you’re scared, very scared. All you can picture is Osamu locked in a room, alone and chained up and scared. The vision makes you grip your chest.

“I know this is a lot to take in,” Kita says over the phone. “Aran, Suna and I are at the hospital right now. We’re going to greet Osamu’s parents and stay for however long we can remain useful. You are more than welcome to join us.”

“I’ll be there,” you answer immediately. “I’ll be there soon.”

You hand up the phone and finally turn to your friends. They look extremely worried.

“This morning Osamu woke up with a really bad fever and he went to the hospital. I guess the psychiatrist wants to keep him there for observation.”

“Observation?” Makki repeats. “What does that mean?”

“They think he could hurt himself.” Mattsun says quietly. Makki blanches.

Oikawa steps up. “Are you okay?” He asks quietly.

You stare at him, trying to figure out your emotions. “I don’t know,” you say truthfully. There’s really only one feeling you have. “I’m worried about Osamu.”

Your voice breaks on Osamu’s name and Oikawa pulls you in for a hug.

“Are you going to the hospital?” Mattsun asks.

You hesitate, despite giving Kita your affirmation not even five minutes ago. You want to go, and be there for Osamu. But today is for Hajime, and you want to be there for your friends.

“You should go,” Oikawa tells you. You look at him in surprise. He planned this whole day and wanted to spend it with everyone - yes that’s when he was being a bit more of a dictator but you’re still surprised to see his change of heart.

“Iwa-chan would want you to support your friends, all of your friends.” He gives you a small smile. “Go, but text us updates.”

You nod, smiling at him. You turn and start to walk away, but the quick thought of deserting your friends makes you pause.

When you turn around all three of your friends are waving their hands at you. “Go! It’s fine!” Oikawa calls.

You laugh quietly, then turn and run to the bus stop.

The ride to the hospital is short, quick and uneventful. Your mind is whirling and you’re barely paying attention. You spare enough attention to know when to jump off the bus and run into the hospital lobby, dodging other people. As you scan the area you immediately find Kita, Aran and Suna tucked in a corner. Kita stands from his seat as you approach, as does Aran. Suna remains in his seat, exhaustion having taken over his features. Aran also looks defeated, but Kita’s calm and collected expression keeps you from spiraling too much.

“How is he?” You ask as you get within earshot.

“There are no updates since our phone conversation from earlier.” Kita replies. He offers the plush seat next to Suna and you gingerly sit. “All we know is that his fever has gone down and he checked himself in for voluntary watch under self-harm precautions.”

The reminder makes you flinch, still shaken by the events. Kita reaches an arm out to your shoulder. “It will all be okay. We should have some more answers soon - the Miyas should be here any second.”

“Shin-kun!”

He barely finished his sentence when a voice called out, making Kita turn to the entrance. Two more people are rushing to your group, a man and a woman. You immediately peg them as Osamu’s mom and dad - besides the fact that you knew they would be joining you all, the woman has the same eyes as Osamu. Now they’re tight with worry and apprehension as she throws her arms around Kita.

“Thank you so much for calling us!” She tearfully cries with her arms wrapped around Kita. The father is currently hugging Aran, both holding onto each other tightly. “I’m so glad we were able to get here so quickly.”

“It was nothing.” Kita answers calmly. The mother jumps over to Aran to give him a hug while the father hugs Kita. Both parents turn and give Suna a big squeeze, sandwiching him between them.

Kita continues talking. “In fact, Y/N here was the one who helped us find Osamu.”

Both parents turn to you, making you freeze in your seat. You swallow thickly, standing up quickly.

“Uh, hi. I’m Y/N. I’m a friend of Osamu’s here in Sendai.”

It’s quiet for another second before the woman launches herself at you. You feel your eyes widen but you’re able to move your arms in time to catch her.

“A friend, oh thank you, thank you!” She is nearly sobbing while clutching onto your figure. “I thought my Osamu was alone in the city, but you’re his friend.” You feel tears on your neck as Osamu’s mom starts crying, but you do your best to pat her back and comfort her.

“Osamu is one of my very good friends,” you say as the mom pulls away. “He means a lot to me.”

She gives you a tearful smile while Osamu’s father speaks up. “If you don’t mind me asking how did you two become friends?”

“It was a random meeting,” you say, not necessarily lying. “But we became good friends because we’ve both lost someone close to us.”

The father’s eyes soften while his face falls ever so slightly. He steps forward and opens his arms. “Can I give you a hug? I like to ask, seeing how my wife just jumps right in.”

You smile but step in for a hug as well. It’s warm and all encompassing, and you feel a bit of tension release from your shoulders. “I’m very sorry for your loss.” He says before pulling away.

“Thank you.” You say earnestly. “And I’m sorry for your loss also.”

He nods. “I’m sure you know how important it is to talk to someone about this, even if you’re just talking to a friend. Having that support is immeasurable. So thank you for being Osamu’s friend.” He gives you a smile. “It means more to me than I can explain.”

You’re slightly taken aback with how genuine he sounds, but you nod all the same. “It was the same for me.”

The dad gives you a smile before his wife comes up to him. “Kita told me we can go see the doctor and Osamu now.”

The father nods at her, giving you a smile before departing. As they walk towards the elevators you see him wrap his arm around his wife’s shoulders and hold her tight.

“Oba-san asked us to stay at the hospital if we could.” You turn and see Kita standing by his chair. Aran has sunk down into his and Suna already looks fast asleep, long legs sprawled out in front of him. “You are more than welcome to stay, but I don’t know how long we will be here.”

“I’ll stay,” you answer. You sit back in your seat next to Suna, feeling the wariness of the day catch up to you. You might copy Suna and let your eyes drift close for a bit. You know it’ll be awhile before you hear anything from Osamu anyway.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: I like to think that Kita's typo in his text is because he's stressed out, not because I made a typo when writing this.....anyway, finally we meet Osamu's parents! They're are absolutely lovely people and I can only imagine the pain they've been through in the last few months. Thank you all for reading!!

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU (bold cannot be tagged): @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr @kozuken-ma @imarriedachef @badkarma-a @reina-de-tay @meianshugoswife @creepykawass

[ochoislas]

EL ESCUDO DE AQUILES

   Miró sobre sus hombros    tras viñas y olivares,    repúblicas de mármol,    naves sobre mar brava...    mas en la obra bruñida    sólo labró la mano    un facticio baldío    bajo un cielo de plomo.

Un llano escueto y pardo, sin más seña, ni hoja de hierba ni morador alguno, sin pábulo ni asiento en sus confines. Mas una grey se yergue en aquel limbo, un gentío sin voz inteligible. Ojos y botas por millones forman impasibles y aguardan la señal.

Voz sin rostro del aire vano arenga, aduciendo muestreos, con un tono seco y raso como el paraje mismo: ni aclamaciones ni debate alguno. Las tropas por columnas entre el polvo emprendieron la marcha bajo fe a cuya lógica, acullá, sucumben.

   Miró sobre sus hombros    buscando ritos píos,    novillo enguirnaldado,    lustraciones y ofrendas...    mas en la obra bruñida,    en el lugar del ara,    vio entre chispas de forja    un cuadro muy distinto.

Cierra alambre de espino área incierta donde aburridos oficiales burlan y en la guardia los centinelas sudan. Gente corriente y en general buena mira, quieta y callada, desde afuera cómo sacan tres bultos macilentos y a tres garrotes los atan erguidos.

La grandeza y el peso de este mundo, todo lo grave y siempre compensado, de otras manos pende. Ínfimos son y salvación, tal como fue, no esperan: su enemigo cumplió lo que le place. Su desdoro completo, la honra pierden: mueren los hombres antes que sus cuerpos.

   Miró sobre sus hombros    tras agones de mozos,    y encantadores miembros    que la danza sacude    al son presto y ligero...    mas en la obra bruñida    no labró era su mano    sino campo enyerbado.

Solo y ocioso, un trapiento golfo vaga por el baldío; vuela un pájaro huyendo el tiro de su honda certera: dos matan a uno, se fuerzan las mozas, tales sus corolarios, pues ignora que haya un mundo donde la fe se guarde, donde se llore por el llanto ajeno.

   El boquiangosto armero,    Hefesto, renqueando    parte y Tetis la blanca    desconsolada llora    ante la obra divina    que a su fuerte hijo cuadra,    el mortífero Aquiles    duro, que pronto muere.

*

THE SHIELD OF ACHILLES

   She looked over his shoulder       For vines and olive trees,    Marble well-governed cities       And ships upon untamed seas,    But there on the shining metal       His hands had put instead    An artificial wilderness       And a sky like lead.

A plain without a feature, bare and brown,   No blade of grass, no sign of neighborhood, Nothing to eat and nowhere to sit down,   Yet, congregated on its blankness, stood   An unintelligible multitude, A million eyes, a million boots in line, Without expression, waiting for a sign.

Out of the air a voice without a face   Proved by statistics that some cause was just In tones as dry and level as the place:   No one was cheered and nothing was discussed;   Column by column in a cloud of dust They marched away enduring a belief Whose logic brought them, somewhere else, to grief.

   She looked over his shoulder       For ritual pieties,    White flower-garlanded heifers,       Libation and sacrifice,    But there on the shining metal       Where the altar should have been,    She saw by his flickering forge-light       Quite another scene.

Barbed wire enclosed an arbitrary spot   Where bored officials lounged (one cracked a joke) And sentries sweated for the day was hot:   A crowd of ordinary decent folk   Watched from without and neither moved nor spoke As three pale figures were led forth and bound To three posts driven upright in the ground.

The mass and majesty of this world, all   That carries weight and always weighs the same Lay in the hands of others; they were small   And could not hope for help and no help came:   What their foes like to do was done, their shame Was all the worst could wish; they lost their pride And died as men before their bodies died.

   She looked over his shoulder       For athletes at their games,    Men and women in a dance       Moving their sweet limbs    Quick, quick, to music,       But there on the shining shield    His hands had set no dancing-floor       But a weed-choked field.

A ragged urchin, aimless and alone,   Loitered about that vacancy; a bird Flew up to safety from his well-aimed stone:   That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,   Were axioms to him, who'd never heard Of any world where promises were kept, Or one could weep because another wept.

   The thin-lipped armorer,       Hephaestos, hobbled away,    Thetis of the shining breasts       Cried out in dismay    At what the god had wrought       To please her son, the strong    Iron-hearted man-slaying Achilles       Who would not live long.

W. H. Auden

di-versión©ochoislas

[joonbird]

Heartbeat | 9

➭ “You’ve always stayed far away from the Kingsnakes, the coldblooded gang that runs the dark heart of your city. That is until your life collides with the intriguing and dangerous Jung Hoseok.“

pairing: hoseok x reader

genre: gang!au, angst, smut

wordcount: 14k

part one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

** warnings: Overstimulation and cumplay. Very explicit descriptions of violence including the use of a knife. Graphic descriptions of injuries and blood. Dark themes incl. hurt, pain, death, gang activity. Light derogatory language during sex, rough sex.

hi, before you proceed please know that this chapter ends on a major cliffhanger. if these make you uncomfortable, i suggest waiting until chapter ten (final chapter) is posted.

Snakes plague your dreams, wrapping taut around your limbs and sinking their fangs into your skin.

Since you started having the dreams, they’ve always appeared in groups - writhing bodies, a mass of scales. In your dreams you always drown in them, they suffocate you until you awaken with a pounding heart and shaking hands.

But in tonight’s dream, there is only one snake. The lone creature is directly in front of you, its body coiled up. It isn’t touching you or making any kind of move to indicate that it wants to attack. Instead it is frozen as if it is paralyzed. The only sign that it is alive is in the tiniest flicker of its forked tongue. Onyx black eyes lock you into place, and you are caught in its stare, trapped in place like prey in front of a predator.

It reminds you of something. Someone. 

It reminds you of Hoseok.

You jolt awake, a gasp shedding from your lips. 

Your face is dotted in sweat, and you feel your heartbeat begin to slow as you adjust to your surroundings. You are curled up in your bed, tucked into Hoseok’s chest. You can hear the faint sounds of the day beginning to break, birds awakening and singing their song outside your window, the houses that neighbour yours starting to stir awake. 

You take a deep breath, placing a hand on top of your heart. It is hammering away in your chest, your palms clammy from your surreal dream.

You crane your head up to see Hoseok snoring softly, eyelashes fluttering with each breath. He looks completely serene, and you allow yourself a moment to look at him properly. The tension is beginning to release from your body, and you let out a sigh as you turn your head away and glance absently at the ceiling. 

The birds are still chirping and the night sky outside your window is beginning to melt into a streaky, moody purple. It has been three weeks since the night Hoseok came home, drenched from the rain and sporting a black eye. 

Every night since, you have had recurring dreams about snakes. It had gotten to the point where you had almost become accustomed to the confronting dreamscape, but tonight’s dream had shaken you up. You wince involuntarily as your mind flashes back to that one snake, its flat black eyes that had pierced you with its stare. 

The dream has left a knot of dread that sits low in your stomach. You ignore it, returning your attention back to Hoseok.

He looks so peaceful like this, face completely free of any stress or pain. That evening when he had grabbed you and held you to him so tight that you almost couldn’t breathe, his body heavy with rain soaked clothes... he had felt like an entirely different person. 

He had never held you like that before, like he was desperately checking that you were still alive. His entire body had been shaking, and small pitchy sounds were coming out from somewhere at the back of his throat. His voice had only steadied when he whispered to you that he wanted to be with you, that he was out of the Kingsnakes, for good. That night he had kept his hands on you the entire time, like he was afraid you would materialize into nothingness if he let go. 

He had been so urgent. So desperate. That night he had slept fitfully, garbled, fearful nonsense words falling from his lips as he dreamt. And that had been the first night you dreamt of snakes.

In the three weeks since, most of the fear and urgency you felt dwelling within Hoseok has subsided. Hoseok never told you what happened that night, and you never asked. You sensed that it was something he never wanted to talk about, given the haunted flash of his eyes at any mention of the Kingsnakes. 

So time passed, and although Hoseok seemed to grow lighter and lighter as each day went by, you felt the weight of uncertainty grow heavier. 

It was over, Hoseok had said so, and you had tried to get your mind to settle and smooth out the creases of doubt you felt.

For the most part, each day had been fine - better than fine actually - as you and Hoseok had a new unspoken thing in place where you hadn’t spent a night apart in the last three weeks. More often than not he stayed at your place, you’d eat dinner and spend time together before going to sleep. Those nights felt safe and secure, even when he went quiet and you could tell by the broody set to his eyes that he was lost in darker thoughts. 

Other nights you went for walks, fingers brushing against one another as you shivered in the night air and talked, slowly uncovering the little pieces of each other’s lives. You learned that Hoseok had been afraid of ghosts when he was a child, that he hated broccoli, and had his first kiss at nine years old with a girl named Sarah. They were such little, nothing things, things that in the scheme of it all just didn’t matter. You knew they didn’t matter and he knew that as well. But still - you both talked about the small things like they were important. Long winded conversations, teasing arguments, even just thinking out loud, you both seized whatever you could from one another.

Some evenings you went out, eating at hole in the wall restaurants or watching whatever blockbuster was on at your local cinema. You could tell Hoseok was on edge those nights, eyes darting around to see if any of the Kingsnakes that lingered around the fringes of your city would react to his presence. But when you did bump into them, they all stared right through him as if he were invisible. Hoseok didn’t say anything about it, but you could hear the unspoken words and see the way his shoulders relaxed. It was done, that chapter was closed.

You know it’s selfish in a way, to love doing this with him - ignoring the past and just spending time together like you were two normal people. You tell yourself that that quiet evenings that you have been spending with him are doing something in healing the wounds you know Hoseok carry with him. That it can’t be selfish if it’s helping him, if each teasing comment and silvery laugh of his acts as a balm to the soul. You tel yourself that you’re intentionally choosing not to ask the questions you want answers to, that you don’t need to know more about his past and what happened that night from tree weeks ago. 

But now, at this hour when everything is uncertain, when day and evening are stuck in limbo and the sky is a mottled purplish grey - you can admit to yourself that you are being selfish. That more than anything else you want Hoseok, even if that means pretending that everything is perfectly okay. 

The loud buzz of your phone interrupts your thoughts, and the light from your phone screen illuminates your darkened bedroom. Taehyung’s face fills your screen, a silly selfie that he had taken and set as his contact photo months ago.

You are surprised to see that he is calling you, and you carefully disentangle yourself from Hoseok’s arms as the phone keeps ringing. 

You haven’t heard much from Taehyung in the last couple of weeks. Immediately following the assault that had happened at his gallery, you’d visited him a few times in hospital, always alone and at an hour when he would likely not have too many visitors. You had run into his other visitors sometimes, Taehyung was a well-liked man and had a lot of friends and admirers who stopped by to share their well wishes. His bedside table at the hospital was always laden with gifts, baskets of food and arrangements of beautiful delicate orchids. Everybody who knew Taehyung knew that orchids were his absolute favourite flowers. You can still remember the unexplainable sadness you had felt while looking at the fragile but beautiful flowers that surrounded Taehyung while he lay in that hospital bed.

During his hospital stay the police had stopped pestering him, figuring that they weren’t going to get any intel on the Kingsnakes from the badly injured but stubbornly silent Taehyung. The patient clipboard that hung by his bed listed out all his injuries: four broken ribs, internal bruising, a fractured jaw and a dislocated knee. The clipboard didn’t to mention the bruises that bloomed all over his body, nor the perceptible shift in his personality from happy go lucky to completely withdrawn. 

Each time you visited Tae, neither of you mentioned the Kingsnakes, or Hoseok, or Ara even. It was like there was no middle ground to act as a bridge between you two, and no matter how hard you tried to reach him, he kept you at arm’s length. Back then it left you floundering, feeling lost and disconnected to one of your closest friends.

Since then you know that Tae has been discharged from the hospital. You have barely heard from him, save for a few late, vague messages. Your attempts to catch up, to visit him at his place, to talk on the phone: all of it has been carefully sidestepped. Ara is another story entirely, your messages to her always went unanswered, phone calls going straight to voicemail. 

Your phone is ringing. You know that you should answer, but something stops you. Guilt, fear, uncertainty... you can’t place what is is but you let the call ring out. When your phone screen goes to black, you feel a twist in your chest. Since when have I become such a coward?

Your phone vibrates with a text message notification. The last message in your thread with Tae was one sent a week ago, you checking in on him with no response.

Taehyung [6:09AM] hey sorry im replying so late and for calling so early. Im doing good, injuries healing quickly

Taehyung [6:09AM] are you free tomorrow? Can we meet up?

You [6:10AM] glad to hear you’re doing better… and of course. I’m working until late but can do anytime after work! :)

Taehyung [6:13AM] okay. How’s coffee, 7pm at parole?

Your fingers hesitate. Fleetingly, you wonder if you should say something. Anything to stop things from being so awkward and tense between you and Tae. But you don’t. You can’t. 

It’s like my situation now with Hoseok, you think to yourself. The sky is beginning to melt into blue outside. It’s no longer that dusky morning hour. I just want to keep pretending that everything is okay. 

You [10:13PM] i’ll see you then!

The next day you arrive at the small cafe ten minutes early, hoping to have a few minutes to settle yourself before Taehyung gets there. When you walk in you spot Taehyung sitting at a small table, two coffees in front of him. It’s textbook Taehyung, who is always early to everything, dependable to a tee.

When he spots you, a smile flits across his face and he nods at the two coffee cups. “Cappucino, right?”

You nod, sitting in the seat opposite him. “Uh huh. Thanks Tae.”

He looks tired, dark circles feature under his brown eyes. You can tell by the slow, careful way he picks up his coffee cup that he’s still in pain from the injuries. 

“How are you doing Tae?” You probe gently and he smiles at you, that same happy, effortless Taehyung smile that you know like the back of your hand. The smile doesn’t fully reach his eyes though and you know that he’s putting on a front for you, for himself even.

“I’m doing much better. Turns out broken ribs are a real bitch to recover from, though.” 

“Yeah, I’ve heard that actually - that it hurts to laugh, even?”

Taehyung lets out a small chuckle and then winces. “Hurts to breathe,” He says drily. The two of you fall into light conversation, before eventually it lapses into quiet.

You take a sip from the cappucino. The cafe you are sitting in is busy even at this time in the evening. Recognition hits you - this is the same cafe that I was sitting at with Taehyung and Ara all those months ago. This was the exact spot where you had been complaining about your boredom, talking about wanting things to change. This is the same spot where Taehyung told me he didn’t see me as a sister. This is the same place that I realized he cares for me. You can still recall the expression on Taehyung’s face then, the confident words and warm, easy smile. It’s a ghost of what he’s like now, pale face and sunken eyes, wincing as he gingerly drinks his coffee.

I got what I wanted all those months ago, you think to yourself, everything’s changed.

“I need to tell you something.” Taehyung’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts. “And it’s going to be hard to say it, but I need to, and I’d just… I’d appreciate it if you listened. Until I’ve said it.”

Taehyung is nervous. You’re not used to seeing him like this, hesitating over his words and so uncertain of himself. You nod, and he takes a deep breath.

“It’s hard to be around you.” His voice is quiet. “It’s hard because I care about you, and I’m really… I’m scared of what might happen. I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you, I don’t know how I would deal with it or what I would do. Whether you’re in my life or not, I don’t ever want you to be hurt.” He looks down at his hands, letting out a sigh. “And if we’re going to be honest here, it’s hard because I’m selfish. Because I want you, because I hate that you’re with him, because I am trying my best to be understanding... but all I want to do is tell you that you’re making a huge mistake by being with someone like him. I know I should trust you. But I… I can’t let go of it. I can’t let go of what happened. I can’t let go of you.” Taehyung looks up and stares at a spot behind you, not meeting your gaze. You let out a shaky exhale.

His eyes are watery with tears as he continues. “I want to be a good friend to you but it’s just… this whole situation with the Kingsnakes is bringing out the worst in me. I know you said they’ve let him go, but I don’t believe it. I can’t believe it. And I don’t know whether that’s because my feelings for you are clouding my judgment, or the nightmares that I’ve been having every night since they broke into my gallery are turning me into a crazy person, I don’t know. But something is telling me that It’s not done. That they’re not going to stop until they get what they want, and you’re being dragged into the middle of it. That no matter what, Hoseok will always be one of them, he’ll always be a Kingsnake. It’s driving me insane, and I… It’s making me think and act in ways that I’ve never before. You know I nearly bought a gun the other day? Me?” His voice breaks off harshly and he sighs, squeezing his eyes closed. 

His fingers reach up and pinch the bridge of his nose, the creases in his brow fan out. You can see his lips moving, he’s counting his breaths, evening them out. You feel a pang in your chest.

“I’m going to go away for a bit. Travel, see the world, I don’t know. I need some space, I guess. I’ve booked tickets, that’s what I wanted to tell you today. I need time.”

Hot, regretful tears swell in your eyes because you can see the different emotions that are working across his face - the anger, the hurt, the fear. 

“Taehyung…” 

He shifts, opening his eyes. He’s still looking down at his hands. 

“I’m so, so sorry. I’m so sorry about everything. You’re important to me. Ara is important to me. And I’m just sorry that you had to get involved in any of this. I’m just so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Taehyung looks up and offers you a small, sad smile. “I’m not mad at you. I don’t blame you. I just fell in love with the wrong person. Silly me, huh?” You can tell he’s trying to make a joke of it, but it falls flat. 

You’ve hurt him, even though it was unintentional, and your heart twists in shame. 

You never wanted to hurt him or hurt Ara, but somehow along the way you have. Taehyung’s words hang in your mind, I just fell in love with the wrong person. You wonder briefly if you too have fallen in love with the wrong person. If in another universe, you could’ve loved someone like Taehyung - someone safe, someone steady. But instead you’ve fallen in love with Hoseok -  with the dark and terrible sides of him, the light that is slowly beginning to show. 

Maybe i have fallen in love with the wrong person, you think, but how can that be when it feels so right? If everything was to fall apart with Hoseok, if the Kingsnakes were to wring the strength out of you like they have with Taehyung- what would you do? Would you leave, like Taehyung is doing now? Is Taehyung right - that things aren’t just as resolved as you are blindly telling yourself they are? That Hoseok will always be one of them?

You hate the questions that are bubbling up inside of your head and you try desperately to silence them. 

“Taehyung.” You sigh out his name. “I want things to go back to normal between us.”

You know as soon as the words have left your mouth that things won’t go back to normal - the scars on his body and the memories of the Kingsnakes that are embedded in his mind attest to that. You want desperately to believe in Hoseok, and in what you have with him. Even if he was the wrong person to fall in love with, you are still in love with him.

“I want things to go back to how they were too.” Taehyung says quietly. “They will. I believe it. And Ara will come around. Give her time and space, y’know? I think it’s just one of those things that needs time for everything to heal.”

Your eyes suddenly prick with tears. “Okay.” 

You know he’s talking about the two of you as well, and you both fall quiet. After a moment Taehyung changes the subject to where the places he wants to visit on his trip. You appreciate that about him - how Taehyung smooths things over, even when he’s hurting. How he offers you words of assurance even when he is in pain. 

In the background of your conversation, you send a silent prayer out to whoever in the universe is listening, for things to heal between you and Taehyung, and you and Ara.

The two of you stay in the coffee shop for another hour, light and meaningless conversation that acts as a gloss for what you are both feeling. Eventually the evening wraps up and you bid your final farewells. 

Taehyung - a broken man, brutally snapped into pieces of he used to be. You - a woman who has questions that she’s too afraid to answer.

You fish under the doormat for Hoseok’s spare key. The house is silent, and you’re grateful for the quiet as you hang up your coat and head into the living room. Hoseok is sprawled out on his couch. By the soft snores he lets out with each breath, you can tell that he is fast asleep. You perch yourself on the edge of the couch, next to Hoseok’s body.

The entire walk home from the coffee you have been unable to get rid of the unease lodged in your chest. It isn’t until now that you feel that tightness begin to fade. Letting out a burdened sigh, you reach out and gingerly brush the hair away from Hoseok’s eyes, deep in thought.

“Hey.” Hoseok’s voice is thick and groggy, his eyes still closed as his clears his throat, “Are you just sitting there watching me sleep?”

You continue brushing your hand over Hoseok’s forehead, carding your fingers through his hair. He leans in to the touch, and you smile. 

“Maybe. Can’t help it, you just look so cute when you’re sleeping.”

Your voice is teasing, he lets out a scoff, and a “Creepy much?” but his words have no bite. Not like they did when you first met him. 

Instead of muttering out a retort, which is the expected Hoseok response, he keeps his eyes closed and lets out a long yawn. 

“Mm… feels nice.” He mumbles at the soothing movements of your fingers. You can see him unwind from just the tips of your fingers, and you smile at the sight of him so relaxed. 

“How was seeing Taehyung?” His voice is carefully neutral as he poses the question, his face doesn’t give anything away. You let out a noncommittal hum.

“It was okay.” You say quietly, and he opens his eyes, eyeing you down. You shift in place, knowing that he is staring at you and trying to decipher answers from the troubled purse of your lips. 

“Oh? What did he have to tell you then?”

You shrug, raking your nails softly over his temples. “He’s going away for a while to travel, and he said he wants some space from me while he’s gone. I think I really hurt him.” 

Neither of you speak. Hoseok reaches out, pulls you down and onto the couch properly. You obediently wriggle down so that you are lying next to him, hands clasped in front of you. Your face is mere inches away from Hoseok’s, you can feel the wisp of his breath on your cheeks.

“He’ll get over it.” He says gruffly, and the two you share a fleeting glance before Hoseok pulls you in closer, enough to mumble into the tiniest space that separates the two of you, “Just give him time.”

You make a tiny murmur at his words, words that nearly mirror what Taehyung had said to you exactly. 

“Time and space, huh?” You say aloud, more to yourself than to him. You catch Hoseok looking at you with an indecipherable expression on his face and you waver. “Does time and space really work, though?”

A wry smile tugs at Hoseok’s features. “Well. It didn’t exactly work for me. So I guess I can’t really talk.” 

You tilt your head back to look at him properly. “Hm? And what do you mean by that?”

He shrugs. “When I first met you, it just felt like no matter how much time or space away that I tried to take, it didn’t do anything but make me want you more. It was annoying.”

You can’t help the small coquettish laugh that bubbles out of you from hearing Hoseok’s muttered words. Hoseok lets out a huff. “He’s different to me though. He’ll be fine. He’ll get over it. Unless… you don’t want him to?”

He throws out the question casually but it’s a carefully placed one, one that makes you tense up briefly.

“No, that’s not it. I just want things to get back to normal between me and Tae. And me and Ara too.” You hesitate, sneaking a glance at Hoseok. He’s looking directly at you with dark, challenging eyes. The words come out in a burst of courage.

“P-plus, the only one I want is you, anyway.”

Neither of you move. You know he’s not dense, that he’s completely aware of what you’re subtly implying, what conversation you’re dancing around. It’s funny how small of an issue it had been during all your past relationships - a quick conversation that defined the borders of a relationship, the assigned title of boyfriend and girlfriend, you always blurting out the words ‘I love you’ like they were any other. With Hoseok, everything is flipped. Everything is more intense, more vivid, like the saturation and vibrancy has been turned up in volume. Saying the words ‘I love you’ doesn’t feel meaningless, at least not when it comes to Jung Hoseok.

Hoseok reaches forward with his hand and crooks his pinky through yours, meeting your hand where it is still folded into your chest, above your heart. 

“Well. You already know that you’re the only one I want.” His voice is clipped and short, but he tightens his pinky around yours and pulls you in even closer.

You burrow your face into his chest, letting out an exhale. It just feels so right to be here with him like this, crooked into his body, with your pinkies interlaced. Whatever doubts you had earlier ebb away as you breathe in Hoseok’s scent, relishing in the feeling of him tucked around your frame.

I just have to trust in you and trust in us. The thought flits through your mind and soothes your nerves. I trust you, Hoseok.

“Hey…” Hoseok starts, and you shift your body so that you are facing him properly. Your bodies are still cocooned close, barely fitting on your narrow couch. “I was thinking.”

“Mm? About?”

“Well a few days ago I figured that I should probably do something right? Now that I have all this spare time. Like… I don’t know, get a real job, or.. or...” 

A moment of hesitation.

“Or I don’t know. Community college or something.” Hoseok’s tone is brusque, he throws the words out carelessly like they are meaningless. But you can tell by the frown on his lips that he cares, that this has likely been simmering on his mind for days. 

“I know I’ll be a lot older than everyone there, and it might be a huge waste of time but I dunno. It’s something I really wanted to do when I was a kid. There used to be these dance battles that happened late at night between different college crews. I’d sneak out at night and watch them dance. And I was just a kid, but they always seemed like they had it all together. They had it made, they were happy, they were...” Hoseok’s eyes are gleaming and he breaks off mid sentence, a wry smile wrangled on his lips. “They were cool. That was the big dream back then. Go to college, make my mother and sister proud, become one of those guys that I used to idolize so much.” The light fades from his eyes and his lips contort into a conflicted frown. “Before… everything happened. I mean, this is only an idea. God knows if any college will even take someone like me- I mean...” The words rush out and he frowns. “I dunno. It’s probably a stupid idea, I shouldn’t have said anything-”

“Hey. You can do it Hoseok.” Your voice dips softly and you reach out, running your fingertips down his jaw. You can’t help but picture a younger Hoseok, a kid, all bright eyes and hope for the future. He’s still a part of him, as much as he had pretended for years that he had left that kid behind - he’s still there.  

“You should apply.”

“You really think so?” He asks, his tone suddenly somber.

“Yeah, I really do. You should apply Hoseok. Seriously.”

Without even realizing, your fingertips brush absently over the tattooed snake on Hoseok’s hand. Hoseok looks at you silently and the vulnerability in his eyes disappears, he closes off.

He lets out a grunt and gets up off of the couch, walking to the kitchen. You watch him leave, a frown toying on your lips before you get up and follow him. He is standing by the sink pouring a glass of water, a tense set to his shoulders.

“Am I being crazy? For doing this? Talking about college and all that?”

His voice is harsh with irritation.

You frown. “You’re not crazy-”

“Okay, crazy was the wrong word… am I kidding myself? Would a college even want to take someone like me?” He scoffs derisively at the end of his sentence and your frown deepens.

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t-

“Because of this!” Hoseok’s voice cuts through yours as he yanks out his wrist. Your eyes track down to the snake tattooed on his wrist, you don’t speak. He lets out a loud, frustrated sigh. 

“What college would take in someone with a gang mark tattooed on their body?” His voice is twisted in bitterness.

“If you got good test scores, if you do a good interview - which I know you can, then I don’t think a community college would care about your past, Hoseok.”

“You really don’t think they would care?” Hoseok’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. “Are you aware of this thing called reality, princess? You might want to try it out sometime, but then again facing up to reality isn’t exactly your style, is it? I mean that is what led you to me in the first place, right?”

You let out a hiss at his words, feeling anger swell hot in your chest. His words are sharp, they cut at a nerve and the sting that follows is searing. 

“What the hell is your problem, Hoseok?” 

He falls silent at your words and it’s only then that you notice his chest is rising up and down rapidly, he is blinking fast and hard - like he’s trying to hold back tears. Even now he’s struggling so hard to keep up that guard, to stay tightly locked up.

“Hoseok… What is it?”

He lets out a frustrated “tch”, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. “I’m- I’m being a fucking ass right now aren’t I? God damn it... I knew I’d fuck this up, I’m - I’ll stop, I’ll go- ”

You step closer to him, you place your hands on his wrists, stopping him. He looks down at you, eyes impatient and mouth set into a firm, determined line.

“Don’t go, don’t run away just… just talk to me. I’m not going anywhere.”

He freezes in place and for a moment he looks completely stunned. 

“What?” He repeats, voice hoarse.

“Just talk to me, Hoseok. You can tell me anything. I’ll never judge you.You’re a fucking ass sometimes that’s true, but that’s okay. I’m a bitch sometimes, you’re an ass, it is what it is. But no matter what, I’ll listen to you. I don’t understand you all the time, but I want to try. But I can’t do that if you’re pushing me away.”

Hoseok stares at you and you can see his guard falling, eyes darting back and forth in a conflicted, uncertain way. Finally he sighs, the anger from before completely falls from his features.

“I’m not good with words.” He starts, his voice is shaky and low. “I know I’m not and I’m… I’m trying, I really am.”

Your fingers move down from his wrists to his, you lace your hands together.

“I know.” 

His eyes are cast downward and he closes his eyes.

He looks at you for a long moment before he sighs again. “I just… I can’t help but think that I don’t deserve this. Do I deserve to feel this way? To be with someone like you… to talk about things like going to college? Do I even deserve to think about a future?” His voice breaks off and his eyes are haunted.

“I’ve done a lot of terrible things. I ran with the Kingsnakes for years and they were my livelihood, my family, my identity. I did whatever I was told and I never questioned it. Back then, I didn’t even feel guilty.” His eyes are full of loathing and you stay quiet, letting him continue. 

“Do you remember that night when I came home in the rain?”

You could never forget that night, the memory of how tightly he had held you, the shake to his shoulders as he clutched at you still fresh in your memory. 

“Yeah,” You say softly, thinking back.

“Well that night I stood by as Sungmin - Z - killed someone. He shot him right in front of me. And then he turned to me and tried to shoot me too, except there were no bullets left in the chamber.”

Your face slackens in shock but Hoseok isn’t even looking at you, his eyes transfixed on his hand, on the snake’s tail that curls up to his thumb bone. 

“Maybe it was luck, or some twisted act of fate but he let me go that night. And I’m glad to be out but... it’s still in my mind, you know? Everything I’ve done. Who I was. I still don’t know who I am outside of the Kingsnakes. But that doesn’t matter.” His voice is rough and you realize he’s close to tears.

“I’m not a good person.” He whispers and his voice is choked. Painfully, it reminds you of that night. It all makes sense now, the pieces slotting together. You have so many thoughts running through your mind but you push them aside, reaching forward to squeeze his hands and do the same thing you did back then. You loop your arms around his body, hold him close and hug him. 

“You don’t see yourself like I do, Hoseok.” You whisper. “The Jung Hoseok I know is kind. He doesn’t let many people close, but he never lets shallow things precede his loyalty for those he cares about. He’s clever, and bold, and stubborn as hell once he’s made up his mind. But that stubbornness is real, its human. And as much as he tries to act like he isn’t… he’s warm. He’s strong. He’s thoughtful. He’s not Hoseok the former Kingsnake, Hoseok the gang member. He’s just... Hoseok.”

Your sentence tapers off as you glance at Hoseok. You are so used to seeing Hoseok composed, in control of himself - but right now he is completely open, all big eyes and slightly parted lips, and a stricken expression on his face that for once, isn’t restrained in the slightest.

Something grips in your chest. Tightens and squeezes and refuses to let go. 

“How? How can you say those things… how even now, do you look at me like that… ” Hoseok whispers, his voice vulnerable. His eyes are clouded with doubt. “Like I’m a good person.” Swallowing hard, he looks up and meets your gaze, your heart stutters and that feeling in your chest, in your heart, is ravenous and all consuming.

“You are a good person,” You affirm softly. Hoseok shakes his head, lets out a tiny scoff but the glow in his eyes gives him away. “Hey,” He murmurs, his voice capturing your attention. A long silence hangs between the two of you and the expression on Hoseok’s face is so tender that it makes you ache.

“Thank you.”

Hoseok steps closer. He’s standing close - so close that you can see the tiny constellation of freckles that dust over his temple, feel the hum of his body heat close to yours.

“It’s because of you...” Hoseok murmurs, “That I....”

He tilts his head, meeting your gaze. For a moment he doesn’t speak, but you can see him swallow, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat. 

“Just… thank you.” He finally speaks, his voice lowering.

You let out a shaky breath. He is standing so close, that for a brief, fleeting moment you wonder if he can tell that you are breathing in a little deeper, needing more oxygen ,because feeling breathless seems to be a common side effect of being in the proximity of Jung Hoseok.

“Don’t thank me, I didn’t do anything, it was you who-”

“Ah,” Hoseok interrupts you, “You’re wrong. You did a lot. For me. You do a lot… for me and you’re… you believe in me, and I just.. I mean God, you’re so...”

His words are a little harsh and clumsy and they rush out in a jumble. There’s a flutter in your chest, a butterfly beat. 

“I’m what?” You ask, and Hoseok reaches back, rubs the nape of his neck. His lips curve and he rolls his eyes, gathers himself up again and lets out a low “tch” right at the back of his throat.

“You already know, don’t make me say it.”

“Say what?” You repeat teasingly, stifling a giggle because Hoseok is so flustered, a touch irritated as well, and it strikes you that somewhere along the line you memorized his subtle nuances. That you stopped putting up your guard around him, and gave him all of your heart. 

“You’re… you’re great.” He says simply in a short voice, voice a little husky. “I dunno, the word great doesn’t really properly cover it, cover you, but I mean fuck, I don’t know. You just are. You’re great.” 

The flutter in between your ribs gets stronger, you feel a twist in your belly, an ache in your chest. 

Hoseok rolls his eyes and huffs, but his cheeks are tinged pink.

“Hoseok-” you breathe out, “-you’re great too.” 

A rare smile spills across his face and neither of you look away. 

And then he leans in.

His mouth brushes over yours - a soft kiss that is bundled up in anticipation. And just like you knew he would, he deepens the kiss. You feel his tongue lick at your bottom lip, seeking entrance. 

It’s slow, intentional. Your hands curve around the small of his back, you revel in how good it feels to have him holding you close - one hand at your waist, the other caressing your face. 

He pulls away, his lips wet and eyes wide. 

“What are you doing to me,” He says wryly, under his breath, and before you can respond he leans closer, lips brushing against your earlobe, “You’ve got me wrapped around your little finger princess, y’know that? I’m all yours.” 

You shiver from head to toe. All the times you had fantasized about this, idly daydreamed about what it would feel like to have Hoseok holding you carefully and tenderly, whispering in your ear that he’s yours - none of it, none of the daydreams and fantasies you’d had, even minutely compares to how good it feels. 

His mouth, working delicate kisses down the slope of your neck, fingers slowly massaging against your hip, working closer to your inner thigh. You can feel your heart rate quicken as the kisses against your neck get more urgent, his teeth nipping against the sensitive skin. 

You feel so hot and wet and desperate that it’s all you can really make sense of - how badly you want this, want him. 

You roll your hips up against him, curve yourself around his thigh. You can’t even control it anymore, you want him, so badly that a moan tumbles out of your lips as you grind against his leg like a fucking desperate teenager. But you don’t have time to think about it, too consumed by the wet of Hoseok’s lips against the dip of your collarbone, the groan he lets out as you rut against his leg. 

The sound of his voice - a muttered, throaty “Fuck”, you can almost feel it as much as you can hear it, his arms tightening around you. He captures your mouth again in a kiss, this time it’s laced with nothing but want. 

You can’t help the small gasp that leaves your throat as Hoseok bends down and picks you up effortlessly, pressing himself harder into you. Your legs are wrapped around him, your fingers clinging into the curve of his shoulder blades as he begins to slowly, achingly push his hips against you. Your gasp melts into a moan as his hips rock against you, tilting up until you can feel his rock hard erection against your core. 

Even through the layers of clothing that separate you, you can feel how hard he is - you are lost in the way his breath stutters against your neck, the feeling underneath your hands of his shoulders as they start to tremble ever so slightly - perhaps from carrying you and pressing you against this wall, or perhaps from sheer arousal. 

You whimper, wrap your thighs around him in a hungry attempt to lock him into place. Your body is wound tightly around his, but still you want more. With Hoseok, you are always wanting more. He obliges, continuing to rut his hips against you, at a rhythm akin to him fucking you, slow and teasing, like there isn’t the thin black cotton of his sweatpants and the lace of your underwear separating your bodies. 

“Hoseok please,” You moan out, and Hoseok lets out a dark chuckle against the shell of your ear.

“Be quiet princess.” 

He accompanies his words with another firm push of his hips against you. You shudder, heat pools over your face. You are so fucking wet, the lacy fabric of your underwear soaked. Hoseok knows it, you know it. 

“Please baby, I’ll do anything, please-”

Hoseok claps a hand over your mouth. 

His eyes glint as he smirks at you, lowering you until you are standing again on your own feet. He keeps his fingers against your mouth as he leans in. His lips trail over your collarbone until he mouths a wet, hungry kiss against the nape of your neck - your tilt your head into it, squeeze your eyes shut. You moan against his hand, it comes out muffled as Hoseok’s teeth nip teasingly at your skin, you moan louder.

“I told you to be quiet.” Hoseok’s voice is low and commanding, words hissed and throaty against your ear. He pulls back, you stare at him. His hair is messy, cheeks slightly flushed. He’s turned on - you recognize the hungry gaze, the way he licks his lips, stares at you like you’re a dish to be eaten, like he just can’t fucking wait any longer. His eyes scan over you and you moan again against his hand, he smirks. 

“You want me?” He murmurs, he reaches over with his other hand and guides your palm until it presses against the tent in his pants. 

Your fingers wrap around his hard length, you feel a deep, aroused knock between your legs. 

“You want this?” He urges, hand still clamped over your mouth. You stare at him and nod, letting out a desperate, muffled yes against his palm.

“Can you be quiet for me?” He asks, voice low. You nod, he lets go. 

Your breathing is heavy, you want him so badly that it’s beginning to simmer over your skin. His eyes flash, he tilts his head and bites his lip. Absently, you remember how he had looked at you after the first time you had ever slept with him - fucked him, really - with this same determined, hungry, intrigued stare. Well, not exactly the same - he’s softer, he stares at you a little more intently, his eyes nowhere as cold as they had been then. 

He puts a finger to his lips, and you nod, he smiles. 

“Good girl,” He says in a husky, approving voice and something dark and slick with arousal entwines over your lungs at those words, you gasp in a little deeper for breath. 

“I love how good you are for me. That you do what you’re told.” He steps closer to you again and kisses you, it’s a slow and teasing kiss - tongue working over yours, hands cupping your ribs just underneath the curve of your breasts. 

It’s a kiss designed to drive you even crazier than you already are, to get you more wrapped around his little finger with want - and then he breaks away, kissing down your jaw.

He kisses with confidence, mouth working a wet, slow trail down your neck, at the top of your breasts. Your breath hisses in as he kisses down yet again. You fight to keep quiet as he plants a slow, long kiss on the curve of your breast - only centimetres away from your nipple. 

You can feel his breath over your nipple, it’s rock hard and you are painfully aware of how badly the ache is emanating from between your legs. He looks up at you, and a slow smirk spreads over his face. 

For a second you imagine what you look like from his perspective - staring down at him with wide desperate eyes, lips clamped together to prevent fervent pleas from escaping your lips. 

Only Hoseok can get me like this, you think, only Hoseok can get me so hot and desperate and turned on that I have to literally curl my fists into balls to stop myself from begging him to touch me. 

The thought is running through your head like a spool of ribbon - touch me touch me touch me touch me - and then Hoseok’s tongue flickers over your nipple.

You fight against the moan that threatens to slip out of your mouth, Hoseok tilts his head back to watch. He likes this, watching the conflicting pleasure and frustration flicker over your features, knowing he has you in the palm of his hand. 

He always has, since day one, since the day he fucked you in the bathroom of that filthy dive bar, and he likes this now, watching you unravel in front of him. 

His tongue presses flat against your nipple and you tremble. Even though it’s the slightest of touches, the barest teasing of his wet mouth against your body - it’s finally some release and your back involuntarily arches. His lips curve around your nipple, and fuck does it feel incredible. You can feel pleasure buzz over you as he slowly sucks your nipple, lips gentle and teasing and intimate all at once, tongue flicking over you teasingly every few seconds, and then sucking harder with a little more pleasure. He lets out a moan as his other hand caresses over your free breast, fingers pinching your other nipple. 

Fuck, you think blurrily, there is a hard thudding pulse between your legs, deep in your cunt, it feels so good that I might actually come from this, from his fingers pinching and teasing over your nipple, his mouth carefully suckling your other one, fuck I’m going to - your voice, a sharp, muttered “Hoseok don’t stop, I’m going to-”

You glance down and see Hoseok’s eyes looking up at you, a split second of surprise before he swirls his tongue over your nipple a little harder. 

Fuck. You feel that familiar anticipation start to climb, your thighs involuntarily squeeze, you hold your breath as you tilt your hips desperately - you’re so fucking close. And then you feel Hoseok’s palm press against the top of your cunt, fingers feathering over your underwear, pushing the wet, soaked fabric into you, tongue still working on your nipple. 

He lets out a little hum, and each stroke of his fingers elicits a groan from your lips. You are completely under his control, hips tilted upwards in a silent plea for him to continue teasing your clit with his fingers. 

Your eyes flutter up, Hoseok is gazing at you with that dark, hungry expression on his face- like he wants to devour you whole. 

You love it, you’re madly in love with this - the way he lingers on your lips, how he lets out a tiny groan every time you whimper out his name. Fuck! Your thighs twitch as he presses particularly hard against your soaked slit, your fingernails claw down his back but Hoseok barely reacts, transfixed on you. He doesn’t show any sign of slowing, his fingers curling upwards through your sweet flimsy cotton panties.

And then you feel it- a wave of satisfaction, of pleasure, of slow simmering heat and release spreading from your core all over your body. 

“Look at me,” Hoseok commands, you barely flicker your eyes open as Hoseok continues to work his fingers on you. 

“Good girl.”

Those words topple you over the edge.

“Hoseok - H-Hoseok-” You are shaking as you come, Hoseok slows his movements in time with the throbbing of your cunt, the waves of your orgasm.

With an elongated moan, you feel Hoseok leaning forward, finding your lips and capturing them in a long kiss. 

“Such a good girl,” He croons, his fingers don’t slow. 

He hooks your underwear to the side roughly, exposing your bare cunt. Your jaw is hanging open, a choked moan slips out of your lips as Hoseok thrusts his index finger inside of you. 

You are so wet that is slides in with no resistance, his thumb expertly plays against your over sensitive clit. 

“Hoseok-” Your voice is shaken and choked, it’s too intense - you can still feel your orgasm riding through your body, your pussy throbbing and clenching - but Hoseok isn’t slowing down. 

His finger pumps in and out of you, thumb stroking your clit hard and fast. It feels good, so good that it’s overwhelming - the tension is immense and you let out a scream as your thighs clench desperately. 

“Hoseok - fuck, Hoseok - God!” 

You squeeze your legs together, it’s so fucking much that your head feels like it might explode, but Hoseok pushes your knees apart and you tilt your head back, eyes screwing shut. You can see stars behind your lids, vaguely somewhere you are faintly aware of Hoseok’s low voice murmuring out silken encouragement. Your back is arched against the wall, you are dripping with it, the overstimulation searing through all of your senses as the second orgasm builds.

“Fuck!” Your scream is mingled with desperation and pleasure as you collapse against him. The second orgasm was so quick, almost painful with how sharp and overwhelming it feels, and you feel Hoseok wrap his arms around you as he pulls his fingers away. 

He showers your neck in kisses, you feel completely overcome by the sheer intensity of the orgasm. 

Letting out a shaky moan, you burrow your face into the crook of Hoseok’s neck. He kisses the top of your head, fingers stroking through your hair tenderly. 

“Too much?” He asks in a low voice, you know that he’s checking that you’re okay. 

“H-Hoseok,” you whimper, your voice breaking over the words, you’re still not fully pieced back together in coherency as Hoseok presses a kiss against your forehead. 

He runs his fingertips over your cheeks, skimming over your temples until they comb through your hair. His touch is surprisingly gentle, and he keeps his lips to your forehead. 

“You okay?” His chest rumbles and you blink slowly, nodding. Your eyes are still glazed over from the intensity and overstimulation of two overpowering, consecutive orgasms, your legs still shaking involuntarily form how good it had felt. 

“I feel amazing,” You breathe out, your voice steady. You pull back from his embrace, meeting his gaze. His eyes, darkened with lust but still slanted in concern, dark hair a little messy, hands still in your hair - something skips in your chest and you feel your legs start to quiver harder. 

Even now, when you’ve been driven to the point of messy insanity thanks to his touch - even now when you are so undone by him.... You still want him. 

His eyes scan over you quickly and a smirk twists at his lips as he recognizes the hungry keen to your eyes.

“Can you keep going?”

There’s a slight challenge to the pitch of his voice and you shiver.

“Yes,” You breathe out. Hoseok’s fingers tightens around your hair almost imperceptibly. 

“Oh?” He asks, voice dipping lower. “You still want more? Such a needy, desperate little slut for me, are you?” 

His voice is tinged with a hardness that makes you ache. You whimper, nod, gaze up at him with widened eyes and a bite on your bottom lip. 

Hoseok’s eyes flash and he lets out a tiny groan.

“I love the faces you make...” He murmurs, “What am I going to do with you…” 

He pulls on your hair, hard enough to tug you closer to him so that your bodies are flush against one another. He kisses you deeply, teeth catching on your lip, a kiss that is messy and desperate like you both have something to prove. He is tugging on your hair, wrapping your strands around his fingers like reins, kissing you deeper and deeper until the only thoughts running through your mind are drenched in filth. 

You can feel his erection pressing against your thigh, all too aware of how he slowly begins to gyrate his hips against you. He rocks his body like he’s dancing to a song that only the two of you can hear - slow, sensual beats that have you counting down in your head, whimpering with need between wet kisses.

“Hoseok,” You pant out, he pulls away, breathing ragged. “I want you.”

You stare at him and you don’t even have to muster the pleading, innocent look of pure need because it’s written all over your face.

“You want me?” Hoseok affirms, he bends down and scoops you up in one effortless motion. You gasp a little as you are swung into the air, over his shoulder. 

He walks towards his bedroom, you can feel his shoulders shake as he chuckles. 

“And how do you want me to fuck you today, princess?”

Hoseok pushes the door of his bedroom open with one foot, not bothering to turn the light on. 

“I want you on top of me, filling me up… I want to see you enter me,” Your voice spills out as he lays you on top of his bed, your hair fanning out underneath you. He crawls over to his bedside table, switches on his lamp and the room is filled with a dim, flattering gold glow. 

“Oh?” He hums, pulling the sweater off of his head. You watch, seeing the way his abs ripple with the movement, the curve of his shoulders and collarbones.

“You like seeing your sweet cunt stretched out over my cock, do you?”

You nod, a little moan escaping from your lips, you clench hotly in desire. 

“God yes, fuck yes, I want it.” Your arch your back involuntarily as Hoseok slides off his trackpants and underwear, now fully naked. 

You are still wearing your dress and ruined underwear, and with Hoseok hovering above you, bare body and cock standing up straight, tip leaking with precum, you feel a desperate sense of lust begin to heighten. 

You let out a whine and grab at the hem of your dress, moving to pull it off - but Hoseok’s hands lock around your wrists, holding you in place.

“You want me?” He asks again, letting go of you and gripping your dress. He slides it up and off of your body, tossing it behind him as his fingers hook around your underwear.

“I want you so fucking badly, I’ll do anything-”

Hoseok’s eyes flash, suddenly, he moves so that he’s closer to you - face only a few inches away. 

His eyes are dark, demanding and he tugs your underwear down, harshly almost.

“Beg.”

Your eyes widen. He doesn’t move an inch, eyes intent on you. It takes a moment for your mind to register his words, too focused on how close he is to you, the possessive smirk on his lips, the way he is easing your underwear off you completely, his demand for you to beg.

“Please,” You whisper out, and then again louder, your voice thready with desperation. “Please.” You tilt your hips upward, spread your legs, voice scratchy as you repeat yourself, “Please Hoseok, baby... please!” 

Hoseok lingers, teasing you as he lowers his body, enough that you can feel the slick tip of his cock brushing against your slit. 

He is so close to you, that you feel like you’re being driven completely wild. 

And then Hoseok pushes in, not all the way, just enough to have you gasping out, desperate and pitchy breaths because you want all of him - and then he slides his entire length in. 

You let out a groan at the feeling of him filling you up, stretching your tight walls. Hoseok is looking at your pussy, at how his entire length is buried inside of you, entranced by how when he pushes even deeper into you, you tilt your head back and moan. He adores the sight of you wrapping your legs around him like you want even more. 

You, similarly, are loving this - the few seconds of adjustment that you both take, breathing in with ragged laboured breaths as you drink each other in. You let out a contented sigh, enjoying how good it feels to finally have him inside of you, relishing in the sight of him on top of you.

The moment of stillness doesn’t last long, as Hoseok begins to thrust in and out of your walls. He’s a little rushed, a little desperate and rough as he pins your wrists with his hand, leans down so his forehead is pressed against yours. He fucks you deep and teasing, a staccato thrust of his cock that leaves you wanting more. 

After months of this, his body entangled up in yours - he knows every angle, every which way to press himself into you and make you unravel with want. You moan, letting out a breathy “Fuck!” with each slap of his skin against yours, each rough thrust of his hard, leaking cock that pushes deeper and deeper inside of you.

“Hoseok that’s so good, please keep going, don’t - don’t stop oh my God-”

Your voice cracks over the words and Hoseok growls, fingers locking around your upper thigh as he tugs your legs wider apart. 

You are deliciously spread wide for him and with his hand still locked around your thigh, he fucks even deeper into you. 

He is groaning loudly now, and your back is arching up into him, your wrist still pinned in place, leg locked in position. He has you completely under his control and the thought of that - that you are all his in this moment, that it is you who is causing the glowing spark of desire in his voice and the gloss in his eyes - drives you even wilder. 

“God you’re hot,” He pants, eyes focusing in on you beneath him. He lets go of your wrist, hand reaching forward to cup your breast, caress your nipple, enjoying the way your eyes flicker in pleasure. 

“Mm I could worship your body, you know… I want it to be mine.” He punctuates his words with a deeper thrust, and you whine out shakily. 

You are close. You can tell you are from the small giveaways - a thrum that begins deep in the coil of your belly, the curl to your toes. Hoseok knows you’re close too, and he grips you tighter, fucks you even deeper. You know that the grip he has around your thigh is likely to leave a mark, but your hands reach up and tighten around the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. 

You want more, you need more. Your voice strains around his name, around the dirty, filthy slick begging that is coming out of your mouth. 

You, telling him that you’re a slut for his cock, that you’ll do anything for him, that your body is his, that you need him, want his cum all over you - filthy words that fill you with heat. 

You suddenly tense, feeling your entire body tighten. 

“I’m, I’m-” You chant out the words and you squeeze your eyes shut. 

“Hey,” Hoseok snaps, “Look at me, I want to see you cum.”

Your eyes weakly flutter open, you are dangling so close to release. So, so close.

Hoseok’s dark eyes meet yours and he breathes out, “I wish you could see how you look right now,” He murmurs, dark and delicious words meant to drive you to the point of release. “You look amazing, such a beautiful wrecked mess for me. I love it.” The words have something inside of you snapping - and your entire body folds forward, pleasure and intensity coursing over your skin. 

It’s a deeper orgasm than your earlier ones, not as sharp and jolting - instead this one melts your bones into butter, sinks over you like a blanket, wraps you in a layer of euphoric bliss. 

“Hoseok,” You whine out, your voice a little edged in pain from the intensity of it. 

“I got you,” Hoseok murmurs. He slows down, holds you, and you are faintly aware of him peppering soft kisses over your entire body. “I got you,” He repeats in a mumble. 

He doesn’t stop, kissing your eyelids, the tip of your nose, your chin, trailing down to your neck and your breasts and your stomach until he works his way back up. 

He kisses you like he is starving for your skin, lavishing you with focused, loving kisses and it makes your orgasm fade out slower, gentle waves that wash over your skin. 

You feel so good, so satisfied and so beautiful with each press of Hoseok’s lips up over your neck. 

The final kiss is on your lips, your orgasm is ebbing away into soft tendrils of pleasure as he kisses you, gentle and slow and breathy. His forehead is dotted in sweat, his hair a mess, his breathing heavy - but he kisses you long and slow and sweet, and you feel as though you may fall apart for an entirely different reason right then and there.

“Hey,” Hoseok grunts, and you just hum in response, eyes still closed as you drink in how good this feels, wrapped up in him. “You’re so fucking pretty, y’know that?” 

You don’t respond, you just squeeze your eyes tighter. It feels as though your heart is about to burst. 

I love you, you think, the thought drums in your head louder and louder. I really fucking love you. It takes every inch of your will not to say it aloud, instead you let out a long sigh, opening your eyes and smiling at him. You shift your hips so that he can pull out of you, you wince a little - you are going to be sore later - and your fingers wrap around the base of his cock. 

He is slick with your wetness, and you begin to work up and down his shaft.

“I want you to cum on me,” You whisper, enjoying the way his eyes widen, a reverent expression flickering across his features as his eyes dart up and down from your face to your hand. 

“Oh?” Hoseok breathes out, his voice is ragged as his eyes hone in your petite hand, how it caresses up and down his entire length. 

He loves it, how firmly you grip his base, how you work his cock with long and teasing strokes. He can tell that you are still completely fucked out, mind hazy with bliss - yet you are putting your all into it, putting your other hand on his cock to twist and slowly as you slide up and down his shaft. 

He loves it when you put both hands on him, on all of his hardness, like you just can’t get enough. 

“Where do you want me to cum?” Hoseok grunts out, and you meet his eyes, letting your voice dip into a sultry, dulcet tone.

“Normally I would tell you to cum wherever you like,” Your words are silken, and you take a moment to relish the transfixed look on Hoseok’s face. “But today I know what I want… where I want you.”

Hoseok lets out a groan as you begin to pick up the pace, leaning forward to place slow, lingering kisses in the shell of his neck and against his ear. Your tongue darts out against his earlobe, he groans loader, his cock twitches in your hand. 

“I want you to cum all over my face.” You whisper in his ear.

Hoseok lets out a low breath, groans. You are still stroking his cock, kissing his jaw and sucking on the soft, tender stretch of his neck. You nip with your teeth, your other hand finds his nipples and stroke them gently. 

Hoseok begins to buck his hips against your palm, and you smile to yourself. You love this - having things reversed, having him be the one to pant out your name and writhe under your touch.

“You’re gonna drive me crazy…” Hoseok moans out. “Fuck! That’s so fucking hot, you’re so fucking hot...” His voice is shaky and you can tell by the tremble in his thighs that he is close. 

He reaches to you, snakes an arm around your waist and just holds you. “I…” Hoseok breathes out, “I wanna look at you, please-”

You draw back, eyes meeting his. His face is flushed, eyes dilated, bottom lip caught in his teeth. He stares at you with a wild, lust-driven expression on his face.

“I could do this all day,” He mutters, you are still pumping his shaft up and down, his eyelids flicker - he is close, you can tell. “I could look at you all day - fuck! I’m close-”

You pull back and shuffle down so that your face is by the base of his cock. He cranes his head forward to stare at you, you smile at him - and he lets out a long groan. 

Hoseok tips his head back and grits his jaw and ropes of cum shoot out of the pink, glossy head of his dick, all over your face. You instinctively close your eyes, feeling his seed all over your cheeks, on your lips, everywhere. He groans loudly with his orgasm, thighs twitching from under your palms.

You open your eyes to see him moaning out softly, looking dazed and blissfully fucked out as he gazes at you with an expression that can only be described as complete awe.

“Oh my fucking God... baby that was amazing.” he whispers scratchily, and you pull yourself up, landing with a flop onto your back beside him. 

“Tell me about it.” His arm is looped around your neck, and idly he grabs your hand, toying with your fingers as the two of you lie side by side, breathing in the afterglow.

I love you. 

You want to say it again, but instead you keep your eyes closed, fighting the words down. You haven’t even established if you are in a relationship, what exactly is that you two have. How can you say the words I love you? You shake your head, as if to get that thought out of your mind.

“Whatcha thinking?” Hoseok asks quietly. You hesitate.

“Just that… I l-like you,” You say lamely, and you feel Hoseok chuckle. 

“I like you too, idiot.” His voice is tender, and he laces your fingers in his. You suddenly feel adrenaline in your veins, you hesitate around the words that so desperately want to come out. 

Should I tell him I love him? Your eyes are still closed, your heart beating faster. And then you feel him shift beside you, moving off of the mattress. 

For a split second you feel a flash of worry that he’s doing what he has done so many times in the past - pulling away, retreating once he feels that he has gotten too close to you, been too vulnerable - 

And then he is back. You feel him gently dabbing at your face, cleaning it. You begin to open your eyes but you stop when you hear Hoseok make a “tsk” sound, poking your cheek.

“Don’t open your eyes when I’m trying to clean you up, princess.” His tone is scolding, but playfully so, and you stay obediently still as he wipes your skin clean of his seed. 

“All done?” You murmur out, and Hoseok hums out an affirmation as you open your eyes. He is still hovering over you, head tilted to one side.

“You looked good with my cum all over your face,” He muses, that familiar smirk on his face, “Who would’ve guessed that a good little girl like you was such a freak in bed?”

You roll your eyes, reaching forward to push against his chest. “Shut up,” You grumble, “I had you completely at my mercy and you know it.” Your cheeks flush and he smirks wider, leaning over to his bedside table to turn off the lamp.

It’s dark in his room, you think to yourself absently that it’s likely very late at night by now.

“Kinky little princess,” He teases and you groan, rolling your eyes, muttering out another “Shut up.”

He just laughs louder, landing beside you and snaking his arms tight around your waist. He burrows his face into your hair, pulling you into his chest and wrapping you tight in his arms. It’s so affectionate that you pause, annoyance slipping away and rolling off of your skin.

“I love it,” He whispers after a beat of quiet. “Always a surprise with you.” 

You feel him stroke your belly with his fingers, idle touches without intent. Like he just wants to touch you, to hold you.

The two of you stay quiet, there’s an unwritten promise in the air that neither of you will speak. You both don’t want to ruin the moment, break the stillness in the air with words. Instead you stay close, his arms circled around your waist, fingers stroking lazy circles against your skin. 

“You’re mine.” You hear Hoseok mumble in your hair, his voice husky and vulnerable. 

Your entire body blossoms with warmth from those jumbled words, you squeeze your eyes tight and smile into the darkness of Hoseok’s bedroom.

Hoseok clears his throat and changes the subject, he’s talking about small, nothing things - plans for tomorrow, how he wants to maybe hit up a local dance crew and see if they’re up for taking more members - and you’re only half paying attention. A part of you still can’t believe this is happening, that you and Hoseok are entwined together like this, Hoseok pulling the blanket up over your bare bodies, talking softly and animatedly even now at this late hour. 

Your fingertips skim over his wrist, you can’t see it but you know the Kingsnake tattoo is there. A slight unease that you can’t explain runs like a thread through your thoughts before you extinguish it, pulling away from his wrist and the tattoo. 

“Hey,” Hoseok’s voice interrupts your thoughts. “Are you even listening to me?”

You giggle, shaking those unwarranted worries out of your mind. “Nah,” You say teasingly, “I never listen to you, don’t you know that by now?”

Hoseok just lets out a little noise of complaint, poking your ribs and making you laugh. 

“Okay, okay, I’m listening.” You laugh out, lacing your fingers through his as you fall into easy conversation with him. 

You stay up with Hoseok for a few more hours - the conversation shifts from light, effervescent banter to something a little deeper as he curls his body around you and talks about things you’ve never heard him discuss before. His family, his childhood, his fears for the future. 

You notice how when Hoseok talks about the future, he talks tentatively, like he’s afraid that speaking about it with resolution will cause it to slip away. 

Still, he says things aloud that you’ve never heard him say before, talking about how he is scared of losing everything, of his past catching up to him somehow. You don’t offer advice or solutions, you just listen without judgment - as you had promised you would. 

The two of you finally begin to fall asleep when the sun begins to rise, still wrapped up in each other. 

By the time Hoseok is deep asleep and you are about to succumb to your own tiredness, your earlier concerns drift back into your mind like tendrils of dying smoke, and then sleep swallows you entirely.

You wake up to an empty bed.

Blearily, you sit up in bed, your spine straightening as you realize that you are alone. Hoseok’s sheets, cold under your clenched fingers, are crumpled. You reach out, your palm skimming over where he had been lying asleep only hours ago. 

Hoseok’s side of the bed is cold. If not for the slight indent in the mattress, you never would’ve known he had been there in the first place.

“Hoseok?” Your voice is scratchy, you swing your legs around to the side of the bed and stand up.A little dizzy, you sway on your feet as you rub your eyes. It’s colder than you had anticipated, the morning dew casting a grey filter in the light of Hoseok’s room. 

Silence. 

Uncertainty pricks over your palms as you quickly grab Hoseok’s hoodie off of the floor, shivering as you step out of his bedroom. The hoodie is warm and smells like him - faintly smokey, woody and masculine, mixed with his shampoo. The sleeves fall over your hands as you peer your head around the corner of Hoseok’s bedroom door.

“Hoseok?” You repeat. You don’t know why you are suddenly feeling so scared. You open your mouth, worry creeping into your voice. “Hos-”

“Hey.” Hoseok’s head pops out from where his kitchen is. Relief washes over you as he flashes you a grin. “C’mere, I’ve got breakfast sorted - hey, what’s wrong? You look worried.”

His brow creases as he steps out into the hallway properly. He’s just wearing black trackpants, slung low on his hips. The v-lines of his muscles peek out from the waistband, and you breathe out slowly as you hurry down the hallway. The house is quiet, the only sound is the patter patter of your foosteps.

“I wasn’t worried,” You lie, “Just cold.” You reach him and he smirks down at you, sneaking his arms around your waist and tugging you in. He presses his forehead towards yours, eyes flashing in amusement when you let out a little squeak. 

“Want me to warm you up?”

“Um, y-yeah that sounds good-”

He cuts you off with a laugh, pulling away. He reaches up and taps the tip of your nose affectionately.

“After we eat, yeah? I’m fucking starving.”

You follow him to the kitchen and glance over at the countertop, seeing a haphazard pile of waffles. 

“You made this?” You ask incredulously as you walk over, sitting on one of the high stools. Hoseok shrugs, reaching over and grabbing a waffle. “Does heating up store-bought waffles count as cooking?” He asks drily, and you shrug as you grab a waffle and pop it on a plate, squeezing a bit of syrup on top.

“I’d say it definitely counts.” You manage an air of confidence around bites of your food, Hoseok rolls his eyes at you. 

“Eat with your mouth closed, princess.” He teases, waffle in hand, and you snap back immediately - “Eat with a plate, you ass.”

He tips his head back and laughs. He pulls out a plate, putting his half eaten waffle on it, and leans against the counter opposite you. He is quiet, staring at you with a soft, intense expression on his face. You stare back, feeling a little self-conscious as you reach up to smoothen down your hair. His eyes track your movements.

“Nice bed-head,” He teases, eyes still soft, “Nice hoodie, too.”

“Shut up.” You grumble, and he just laughs again as you eye him irritably.

He looks unfairly good for first thing in the morning, the only thing that mars his handsome features is the nearly faded purple ring under his left eye. He picks up on you looking at it, looking at him, and his expression grows serious.

“Hey,” He says quietly, his voice low. He walks around the counter until he is standing in front of you, he reaches out and cups your face in his hands. “I know I said this yesterday but I want to say it again. Thank you.”

He has an almost burning intensity in his eyes and you don’t dare look away. Your heart is beating fast in your chest as you reach forward, hands instinctively looping around his waist. He’s warm to touch.

“For what?”

You whisper, and Hoseok stares at you, suddenly looking nervous and uncomfortable and awkward, all at once, a blush deepening over his cheeks.

“For… for being you. Listen, I’m not good at this, at talking about my feelings and all that shit, but I want to tell you how I feel, about you and about uh, us, and… well I… I-”

He is cut off by the sound of his front doorbell ringing. 

Jumping apart, he glances down the hallway.

“Who is that?” His brow crinkles finely as he shrugs and turns back to you.

“Sorry, I-”

It rings again, causing Hoseok’s frown to deepen.

“I’ll go and get rid of it, it’s probably some door knocking sales person or something. God they’re annoying.”

“Hoseok-” You stand up too, and Hoseok turns back, head tilted to one size. “I’ll be back in a sec, princess.”

He turns and leaves, and you watch him go. 

It’s still so cold, and you wrap your arms around your body. You glance at the clock, it’s Sunday morning, 11:37AM. You hear the door bell ring again, and Hoseok yelling out, “Alright, alright, calm the fuck down would’you, I’m coming.”

Something isn’t right. That same prickle of unease and dread that you have been pushing away time and time again keeps eating at you. You push your plate away and run to the front door.

You are coming up behind him, just as he opens the door. There is a man there, hunched into himself. He’s shaking like a leaf, and Hoseok frowns, opening the door wider. 

“Jimin? What are you-”

And then it happens.

The younger boy reaches forward, claps a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. Akin to a friendly gesture, except it isn’t. The boy is still shaking, so violently that you can see it from where you are standing. He is holding Hoseok in place. 

“I’m sorry. I have to do this. They’re making me. I have to.” Broken, ragged words. His eyes are like saucers, desperate and begging. 

Hoseok doesn’t move. His voice is low, calm, but you can hear the fear in his voice. 

“You don’t have to do-”

Something flashes, something metallic. It all happens so fast that you can’t move. It’s as if you are rooted to the spot, frozen.

It’s a knife. Its serrated edges have caught on the light and your stomach drops. Sinks. 

It’s the same sensation you had when you were a child and went to the beach with Ara and Taehyung, having been dared to jump off a cliff’s face into the water. The same feeling you had when Z threatened you at that Kingsnake party months ago. The same feeling as when you received the call from the hospital informing you that Taehyung had been assaulted. Only this time it’s amplified, multiplied, a sinking feeling that runs through your veins like tar.

Fear and exhilaration and anxiety and complete and utter dread. All of it festering into a huge, black knot right in your gut. The knife, a long, ugly one, it glints in the morning air. Hoseok’s calm, low voice. Jimin’s wild, frantic eyes.

Jimin drives the knife into Hoseok’s stomach. 

Hoseok doesn’t make a sound, you see Jimin’s fingers crooked around Hoseok’s shoulder as he pulls the blade out. 

Your knees are shaking, your palms are cold, and you cannot move. You are stuck. Just like in all your dreams, you cannot move. Jimin pulls back, the knife slides in again, harder. 

This time, Hoseok’s body jerks from the blade that is sinking into him. Jimin steps back, his hands flutter up to his mouth and his jaw falls open. The blood on his hands is all over his face and he is saying something to Hoseok and crying, but you can’t hear it, you can’t hear anything. All you can hear is a drone in your ears that grows louder and louder. 

Hoseok’s body crumples. 

Finally, you can move. Your legs go before your mind can catch up, you are running to Hoseok, already behind him as his body slumps. The knife is still embedded in his stomach. 

“Help! Please! Somebody, call an ambulance!” You are screaming the words you think, but you can’t hear them. You can’t hear anything but the roar in your ears.

There is red everywhere, so much deep, crimson red that you feel like you are going dizzy from it. There is a loud roar in your ears, it blocks everything out, as you look at Hoseok, terrified. His eyes are unfocused, his breathing hissing in and out in large, desperate breaths. 

The roaring is fading and you can hear again - you realize that you are speaking, words tumbling nonsensically out of your lips. You are begging, pleading, crying - words that don’t make sense. 

All you can see is red.

There is so much blood that it stains the air, it’s metallic and horrible and Hoseok’s. This can’t be happening. Your hands are shaking as they hover above the knife, you don’t touch it because you should never remove a weapon... where had you heard that from? Your mind flashes back suddenly to  an instance two weeks ago- you were watching true crime shows with Hoseok, and they said you shouldn’t remove a weapon if it’s been used on somebody and left behind. A brief memory flashes in your mind of you and Hoseok watching the show together, him laughing as you hid behind your hands, unable to watch the goriest scenes, Hoseok pulling you close and telling you that he’d protect you, the TV voiceover in the background saying that you should never remove a weapon... you feel like you are spinning out of control. Why are you remembering that now? Now of all times? You are crying, and through your tears your eyes fall on the knife.

The knife sticking out of Hoseok’s stomach has a crudely painted red, white and black snake painted on it. 

You are free falling, and you shake your head, a sob escaping from your lips, tears blurring your vision. 

No. No. No. 

Faintly, you are aware of commotion in front of you. Somebody who had been walking past with their dog, is now screaming for help. They’re calling an ambulance, somebody is coming. You can’t focus on that though because your eyes are locked in on Hoseok who is in your arms, Hoseok who has gone so pale that his skin is almost translucent, Hoseok who only moments ago was leaning across from you in his kitchen.

“No,” Your voice is broken, you are keening for breath because it feels like you are getting crushed. A fist is being wrapped tightly around your windpipe, choking the breath from your body. 

Hoseok is trying to speak, but he can’t - his breath bubbling brokenly as his eyes flutter closed. There is the sound of an ambulance siren in the distance, but you can’t concentrate on anything but Hoseok, who is stirring. 

“Hoseok, God, you’re okay baby, you’re okay, an ambulance is coming, it’s fine…” Your voice is thready and unfamiliar to your own ears as you lie through your teeth, you don’t look at the pool of blood that is all over the ground, all over your hands and clothes. You stare at Hoseok with fierce, unyielding eyes. “You’re okay, you’ll be okay, oh my god oh my God-” you are trembling and Hoseok splutters out for breath. 

“Take… it… out.” He wheezes. You blink, and he draws in sharply for breath.

“Get rid of it. P-please - get rid of it-”

It hits you like a strike of lightning that he wants you to take out the knife. Your blood runs cold. 

“Take it out.” His voice is so weak that it almost falls apart around the words. He can’t move. There is blood, so much blood, and you know that if you take out the knife the bleeding will get worse. You feel sick, faint, the sirens are getting louder, and you are frozen in place yet again. You are vaguely aware of the fact that you are crying, crying so hard that your throat is raw from tears.

Hoseok, arms around you, a smile on his face. The TV still droning on in the background, uttering the importance of never removing a weapon from a body. Hoseok, leaning closer, whispering in your ear. “You don’t have to be such a scaredy-cat, princess. I’ll protect you no matter what.”

Nothing is registering. 

This cannot be happening. 

No.

“I-I can’t, you’ll bleed out-”

“You have...to.” He whispers out, words choked. “Please. Now.”

Why? You are shaking as your hand grips around the base of the knife. Why, even now, is he protecting them? You have to pull hard to get it out, and blood flows rapidly out of the deep wound that’s left behind. 

The knife is heavy in your hand and you stare at it with wild, wide eyes. 

The snake that curls around it’s holt, at the crimson red blood still dripping off of it’s blade. 

“Get… rid…” Hoseok groans out and you twist your body. You look around with eyes that can’t focus properly. 

You don’t know where the person who had been walking by before has gone, but you can hear the ambulance approaching, the siren is getting louder. It drowns everything out as you throw the knife, it skitters across the ground and goes into one of the bushes at the front of Hoseok’s house.

You look down at Hoseok. His eyes are closed. There is so much blood and desperately, you place your palm over the wound in his stomach, trying to stop the bleeding. 

“Please,” You whisper, tears swelling hot in your eyes and blurring your vision completely. 

“Wake up. Please. Please, no, no, this can’t be happening.”

Why?

The ambulance has arrived. Two paramedics jump out, all action as they bark urgent commands to one another. 

They see him. 

His still, ragdoll-like body is slumped in the lap of a girl whose entire body is shaking. He’s barely breathing, barely alive. His blood is all over the ground, pooling around the two people. There is so much of it that it doesn’t seem fathomable. 

They see her. 

The front of her hoodie is stained. Her eyes, swollen red with tears, and shoulders that are violently shaking. She is folded over him, and her hands are covered in blood as she cries out his name.

amynote: OKAY MY LOVES WE ARE SO CLOSE TO THE END. SO SO CLOSE, ONE CHAPTER AWAY. Can i just say... it really hurt my freakin heart to write that final scene - but i’ve known since chapter one that this was going to happen, so i’ve had 8 chapters to prepare for it! in fact, there are subtle foreboding hints to this happening scattered throughout earlier chapters. 

as for the final part - i will do my best to get it written as soon as possible, but i cannot guarantee when exactly that will be at this point. i want to do the final chapter justice, i want to put all of myself into it, because the ending is very intense and will wrap up everything. all loose ends will be tied! so, please don’t send messages asking me when the final chapter will be up. It is honestly really stressful to receive a plethora of messages/asks about updates, and trust me - it’s on my mind, and i’m working on it.

i really hope you liked reading this chapter, thank you so much for reading. love you all lots and lots ♡

[taehyungiestummy]

Lucky -- Jidwi Ending

Masterlist     Previous

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2503

         It’s been a while since my reason to live left me. All the days blur together, and I have lost the ability to care. I don’t care about the fight for king. I don’t care about the fight for king. I don’t care about leaving Hwarang. I don’t care that Master Wihwa was in limbo with his job as leader of Hwarang. I don’t care what is going on with Ahro. I just don’t care. Even though I know I should.

         I sniffle, curling further into myself.

         I’ve returned home to mourn the loss of Hansung. I didn’t even attend the funeral that Master Wihwa held because I was such a wreck. I cried for many days, and just recently start to eat again.

         The Hwarang called for me at first, talking about how strong I am, and how if I left, a hole would form among them. That I have proven myself to be just like them, so why would I throw it all away? I could hear Master Wihwa pleading with me, with Star Eyes, to return. But I couldn’t.

         “It hurts too much,” I whimper.

         The sounds of footsteps that seem to stop in front of my door, and then intense mumbling fill my ears. After all this time alone, with only my father or Yeseul bringing me food, I don’t want someone to come and visit me.

         The door to my room slowly opens, and then moment later is quietly closes. My body tenses as I wait for whoever has entered to speak.

         “Ara, it’s me,” Jidwi’s voice fills my ears. “I’m no longer Jidwi, but King Jinheung. Not that you probably care with what has happened to you. Even with all the power that I have, I can do nothing to help you feel better. I can never bring him back, and I wish I could.”

         I open my mouth to answer, but I find that my throat is raw from my bawling.

         “I’ve been trying to come see you for a while now that I have the throne, but with all the change, I haven’t much time.”

         I groan, forcing myself to uncurl, and then push into a sitting position to look over at Jidwi, who looks to be right on the edge of crying. “His Majesty, I am sorry for how I look,” I choke out.

         “No, Ara,” Jidwi stumbles over to me, falling to his knees in a bow. “I’m sorry, and I am the only one who should be sorry,” he has begun to cry. “If I would have had the courage to just say I was the King, to take the throne from my mother, then no one would have gone after Sunwoo, and Hansung would still be here. And you would be the ray of sunshine that you used to me.”

         “His Majesty,” I place a hand on his shoulder. “Please, I don’t deserve to have you bow to me. All I am is a half-breed.”

         He takes a deep breath before sitting up. “Please, don’t call me His Majesty.” He wipes the tears off his cheeks. “It may be proper, but I hate hearing it come from you.”

         I pull my hand away, “Then what should I call you? Can I call you Jidwi? Even though that isn’t your real name.”

         He softly smiles, “You’ll be the only one to call me it now, so it will be perfect. It sounds so lovely coming from you.”

         I feel my lips curl up slightly as a tiny heat rises to my cheeks. “Jidwi, I don’t want you to feel like Hansung’s death was your fault. It was a freak accident led on by greed and the stupid bone rank.”

         “That’s what I hope to change. I don’t want the Royal Council to have the power and focus on the bone rank that they did. We are all citizens of Silla, and that is how we should be treated.”

         “A good change of pace,” I nod. “It will help get people to treat everyone the same. Then no one will worry about that ridiculous bone rank, and hopefully treat each other the same.”

         “I can only hope so,” he sighs. “You have gone through so much because of your lack of knowledge on your background. The term lucky has followed and tormented you all your life. It should have never been like that. You should have never been treated like that.”

         I shrug, “It shaped me into the girl I am today. The female Hwarang, able to take some mean words, and to find those who are my true friends. It was all for a reason.”

         “It also led me to you,” he lowers his voice, reaching out to brush hair out of my face. “Ahro, she never felt the same way about me that I did for her. I was going for a girl that was not right for me. You, you were always right there, showing me what a friend is like, and was always so sweet to me. I should have seen that before now.”

         “We can’t be together though, I’m no royalty.”

         “You are though, and I want you to be my queen.”

         “What are you talking about?” I furrow my eyebrows. “I can’t be your queen, Jidwi.”

         “I went digging around the scrolls of the palace, looking for anything about you. If you were royalty, I would find it, and I did,” he grins. “You come from another land, outside of our three kingdoms, but your father, the man of this house, his is your actual father. Yeseul, she’s your father’s wife’s sister, like they tell you, and your mother’s best friend. Your mother came here scared and alone, having run away, and she met your father. It was love, and you were born, but she died, and so did your half-sibling and their mother. Your father told that part of the story to me when I showed up, and he kept you because the Queen would have killed you, and he made up whatever story he could to protect you because he loves you so much. And now, I want to protect you like he has. I will not marry my sister, but I will marry you.”

         “So, that’s why I’m different,” I blink away tears. “What about my eyes?”

         He brings a hand up to cup one side of my face. “Eyes that have nothing on the night sky because they are so beautiful. Those eyes? Those are, and have always been, a gift from the one who made you.”

         “You are such a smooth talker,” I poke his stomach. “Becoming king didn’t change you, and I am happy about that.”

         “Who would have thought that calling you a princess all that time in Hwarang would be true?”

         “I got lucky, I guess,” I let out a small laugh.

         “Now, what do you say about coming back with me to the palace and working to become Queen?”

********

         “Where is he?” I pout, setting the book I just finished on my lap and look at the door to the bedroom hoping Jidwi will walk in.

         It’s been almost two years since I agreed to come back to the palace with Jidwi and become the Queen of Silla. Within months of being at the palace, we were married, and ever since I have been learning the ways of being Queen. I refuse to be a doll, though, and I like to train with Jidwi or the Hwarang when I can, as well as go on horse rides with Jidwi.

         About a year ago, Jidwi and I decided that is was time to try for a child, and even with how busy he is as King, he found time to be with me. After a few months of no success, I was starting to get worried, but I trusted it would all work out in the end.

         “We’ll just go find him,” I nod, standing up from my chair and setting my book on the seat. Then I head out of our room and head to the one place that he usually is at the middle of the day.

         As I walk through the halls, I pass multiple servants and guards, all giving me genuine smiles and polite bows. Unlike the Queen before me, my heart is warm, and I am nice to every single person I interact with.

         “Queen Ara,” the girl standing outside the King’s private quarters that is sued for important meetings bows to me.

         “Hello dear,” I tenderly smile. “Is my husband in there by chance?”

         “He is. Would you like to see him?”

         “I would, very much.”

         She turns to face the door, “His Majesty, someone is here to see you!”

         “Send them in!” Jidwi responds.

         “Thank you,” I give a tiny bow to the girl as she opens the door. Then I step into the room and the door slides close behind me.

         Jidwi is in his seat looking like the elegant King he has always been. His gaze is on something out the window, and I am sure there is a lot on his mind. Hopefully I can clear his mind for a few moments.

         I clear my throat as I step closer, a smile slowly forming on my lips.

         “Not even going to announce who you are,” Jidwi’s voice comes out hard, and a glare is on his face. It all changes when he looks at me. His face relaxes, and a loving smile replaces his frown. “Baby, what brings you here?”

         “I was waiting for you to come see me, but it seems you forgot,” I giggle. “Has today been busy, His Majesty?” I tease.

         “Come over here,” he smirks, beckoning me with his index finger.

         I walk up to him, squealing in delight when he pulls me onto his lap.

         “A King is always busy, but I should never neglect my Queen.” He presses kisses to my cheek and jaw. “I’m glad you came, Ara. With you here, my next meeting won’t be that bad.”

         “Oh, you’re just going to hold me here against my will?” I poke his side.

         “You don’t want to leave, and you know it.”

         “Yeah, I don’t,” I rest my head on his shoulder. “I love you, Jidwi.”

         He pulls me closer as he cradles me like a baby. “I love you, Ara.”

         We sit in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s presence. His heartbeat calms me as I try to prepare myself for the news I came here to tell him.

         “As much as I love just holding you, I know you don’t come here unless you have something to tell me,” Jidwi chuckles. “Like all those book endings, or that dog that wandered in. So what do you have to tell me, beautiful?”

         “Well, I’ve been trying to figure out how I want to say if for a few days now,” I nibble on my bottom lip.

         “If someone disrespected you in any way, I will deal with them.”

         “No, that hasn’t happened since I first got here all that time ago.”

         “Don’t be afraid to tell me anything, baby,” he runs a hand up and down my back. “I love you, and nothing is going to change that.” He presses a quick kiss to my lips.

         “I know,” I take a deep breath. “We’ve been trying for a child for a while now, with nothing to show for it. I started to think it was me, and maybe someone would have to come in to bear a child for us.”

         “I would never do that,” he gives me a small squeeze.

         “I know,” I press a kiss to his jaw. “Now we haven’t been able to try because my stomach has been upset a lot, and I don’t think it’s because I have been worrying.”

         “I had all the food checked the moment you started feeling ill, but since it is only you, I hope you aren’t sick with something. If anyone were harming you, I would go on a rampage. You mean the world to me, and I can’t be without you. You make me better.”

         “That’s why I had Ahro come over to check on me,” I place a hand on his stomach.

         “Ahro came, huh?”

         “She did, and she did a lot of tests to rule out all kinds of sicknesses. Then I told her about us trying, and it all made sense.”

         “What do you mean? You’re okay, right?”

         “I’m fine. We’re both fine,” I tenderly smile, looking into Jidwi’s eyes.

         “Both?” His eyebrows furrow.

         “I’m pregnant, Jidwi,” I softly say.

         His eyes widen as a huge smile takes over his face. “Are you serious?”

         “Of course. Ahro heard the heartbeat, and I am starting to show, which is why I have been wearing bigger dresses. I am pregnant,” I giggle. “It feels so good to say out loud.”

         “This is amazing,” Jidwi presses a passionate kiss to my lips. Then he leans down to press many kisses to my belly. “Hello little baby, it’s me, your dad. I can’t wait to hold you and love you like I was never really loved. And you will have the best mother in the whole world.”

         I giggle, “You are so goofy.”

         He sits back up, rubbing my belly as he does so. “I think I am going to cancel any other meetings I have today so I can spend time with me lovely, Queen.” He puts a hand under my knees, and the other behind my back before he stands up with me in his arms. “This calls for a bit of a celebration.” He walks us out of the room, shocking the girl out in the hall.

         “His Majesty,” the girl bows.

         “I’m done for the day, so tell anyone that I am with my pregnant wife,” he widely grins.

         “Queen Ara,” she gasps, looking up at me.

         Jidwi turns, leading us somewhere. “My wife is pregnant; I can’t believe this. After all this time trying, it finally happened. You needed to rest as much as possible, and eat whatever you want, and read all the books, and I need to kiss and love you more, and-”

         “Jidwi,” I chuckle, causing him to stop in the middle of the hallway. “Please, just shut up and kiss me.”

         “If the Queen commands it, I will do it,” he smirks, connecting our lips in a love-filled kiss.

         All my life I have gone through people taunting me because of who I am. I have always been put down for being lucky, but I have always pushed to prove myself to people. Now, I don’t have to prove anything to Jidwi. He’ll always love me no matter what. Even if it takes us a while to conceive a child, or if I don’t act like a proper Queen. Jidwi doesn’t care, and he will always love me. And I guess I can say that I got a little lucky with him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I love Jidwi, and I just love this ending that he gets with Ara. I love writing fluff and having my characters happy. If you want to see more Jidwi and Ara, feel free to request them doing something! I am happy to keep writing for these characters, as I love these characters. Thanks for reading! :D

[evil-writer]

#kdramawomensweek || day four: Favourite Daughter

⤷ Sung Na Jeong (Go Ara)  ↦ Reply 1994 (2013)

Of all days, it had to be April Fool’s Day. The death that seemed like a lie, and the confession that turned into a lie—both had to be on that day. Nobody had told a lie and so nobody had been fooled. But more than the fool who’s tricked by April Fool’s, a thousand times worse was the terrible April Fool’s Day itself. Sometimes reality is crueler than lies.

She is the youngest daughter, with a foul temper and a fouler mouth. Prone to violence when irritated, she has strong opinions and no qualms about letting the people around her, know. To her parents, she is their baby. Their little girl, and for the longest time, their only living child. Her Appa is seen yelling at her, but it’s in fondness; they’ll sit in front of the television together, his ggae-ttal tucked into his side. They are perhaps the most physically affectionate iteration of the Reply families. Na Jeong, grown up, responsible, university-attendee that she is, is seen cuddling with her Omma throughout the drama.

She is the forgotten middle daughter. An afterthought; she lost her big brother, but the plot never allows that to be about her. She cares after everyone living in her parents’ house like the mother hen she is, but she’s never seen holding her baby brother. She comes home for the first time in years, only for her parents to take her baby brother and leave her alone, to spend the holiday alone. 

She is the reliable eldest, carrying the weight of her family on her capable shoulders. When her Appa takes out a mortgage on their house, proceeds to lose that money in bad investments, and then loses his job, it’s she who steps up. It’s she who takes on that financial burden and decides to take a job in Australia. She leaves behind everything and everyone she’s ever known, and works tirelessly. She is the sole reason her parents don’t lose their home, lose everything they’ve worked for.

At the start of her life, she was the babied youngest. In the later half of her childhood and through her adolescence, and beyond, she took on the mantle of the eldest. And when her baby brother was born, she became the middle child. 

Sung Na Jeong, trapped in limbo; fitting all three categories, yet none of them at all.

[theimaginesyouneveraskedfor]

Relic ~ 12

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven

Tags: @omgcupquak3stuff @dora3374  @the-butterfly21@oakenshieldgisborneandwinchester @everyjourneylove  @russian-empress@cd1242 @the-lupine-sojourner @ara-toa-min

(sorry to those who I can’t tag for some reason. If you like, you can message me and I’ll just start sending you the link to the chapters as they come out)

Add yourself to the taglist here

You had fit everything you needed into a single suitcase. It was quite a feat but you had made it a must. The conference was only four days and you didn’t need your entire library. You doubted you’d have much time to read as you’d be revising and rehearsing in the hours before you presented. Then you’d be sitting through hours of papers afterward which would consume most of your energy and focus.

The flight was long and your legs were so stiff it hurt to move. You had never quite grasped the concept of sleeping during travel and so you were overtired and ready to keel over. Your head pounded and all you wanted was to curl up and black out.

You caught the shuttle which was pre-arranged for presenters and loaded up along with a dozen other of your colleagues. Despite the communal fatigue, there was a buzz in the air and the scholars introduced themselves in hopes of discussing the days to come. You repeated your name to a few but were not of the cognition to retain any of theirs.

You took a window seat and listened to the chatter though the words were little more than noise. You watched the Wakandan landscape pass you; shady trees, long grasses, interspersed with modernized buildings and vibrant fields. It was unlike any place you had seen before. The whole world had been competing to reach a future which already existed.

The shuttle stopped outside your hotel; its silver facade reflected the setting sunlight and its windows shone like hundreds of watching eyes. You found your bag amid the rabble and yawned as you stared up at the building. You were still trying to accept that you were in Wakanda! You had been chosen out of thousands.

You waited in the queue before the front desk, many others having arrived within minutes of you. When you reached the front you presented your identification and were handed a package in turn; your credentials, maps, guides, menus, even souvenirs. Everything you needed for your stay though you had little energy to do more than tuck it under your arm.

You found your room on the ninth floor and closed the door with a sigh of relief. Finally you could relax. You hated travelling for the anxiety it stirred in you; you always felt as if anything could go wrong and you would be stuck in limbo forever.

You set your alarm and kicked off your shoes, falling onto the queen bed which stood centre to the room. You would worry about everything in the morning but first, you desperately needed sleep.

It was like you were being stabbed in the brain as your alarm blared beside your head. You snorted and reached around blindly for your phone, swiping away the deafening whine. You sat up groggily and fumbled with the pods neatly sorted in a basket on the counter, setting a coffee to brew in the perculator.

You sat at the small dining table as you basked in the aroma of caffeine and looked through your phone. You should call your mother to tell her all was well and check your emails. At least try to keep up with your life, even if you didn’t have much of one.

You unpacked the envelope you had been given the night before; sorting through the programs for the next few days. Today would be the welcoming events and then three days of presentations;

Day One: Science

Day Two: History

Day Three: Arts and Culture

You had enough time to get washed up and call home before you had to be at the brunch though you doubted many would notice if you were late. Hell, you didn’t know anyone there and you couldn’t remember anyone you had met the night before. Even so, it would be good to get involved. This was a once in a lifetime experience and you only had four days!

You wore the lanyard included in your welcome package, your name and photo identifying you among the crowd. You found a seat among those who were easily recognizable as history nerds and began to sip on your third cup of coffee. You chewed on some fruit as you tried to ingratiate yourself with the strangers around you. It took you back to university and your crippling lack of social grace.

Working in the museum, it had been easy. You were merely sharing all you had learned with others. Paying it forward. But this was more stressful. One on one in a room of academics there purely on their skills. You felt out of place even though you had earned your spot the same as them.

A hush came over the tables and you followed the eyes to the front of the hall. The table at the head of the room was lined with the Wakandan royals and leaders, their king only then making his entrance. T’Challa walked to his seat and stood between his sister and his mother. Two female sentries stood just behind his seat, watching over him with spears in hand.

“I would like to welcome you all to Wakanda’s First Scholar’s Conference. We are excited for this exchange of ideas, cultural, social, and scientific. As we open our arms to the world, we hope that they should do the same and we are optimistic that this is the first step in doing so,” He bowed his head as he raised a glass and applause broke out without pause.

He was spoken like a true king, though to be fair, you had never seen a king in person before. You felt the hope he had spoken of and wondered if your paper could truly have as great an effect as all that. History was not so powerful as the future.

By the time the brunch had ended, you had achieved your first goal. You had made a friend, at least a tenuous one. Someone who looked as lost as you felt and you promised to see them through the conference if they did the same for you. Colleen reminded you of Jenn and liked to fidget with anything within reach. She was endearing and comforting, even if she never ceased moving.

You were laughing at some joke she had made about Cicero as you followed the tide of the crowd to the door. There was a whole schedule of events to choose from that day and you were still trying to decide if you’d rather explore Wakanda’s wilderness exhibit or the entrepreneurial fair. There was so much to explore and it was rejuvenating after the doldrum years you had spent at the museum.

You paused as you reached the hallway, keeping close to the wall as you waited for the swell to pass. You hated when you became swept up in a crowd and lost control. You’d rather the horde thin out so that you could find your way without being jostled. Colleen seemed grateful for the break and you checked your phone for the time.

“Pardon me,” You were nearly frightened as a skinny girl appeared before you, her eyes glued to your lanyard. She made no secret of reading it and her smiled betrayed her triumph, “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

You recognized her though she had been sitting all the way at the front of the room. She was the king’s sister, Shuri. He dark skin was like silk and her hair was finely twisted behind her head. Even so, there was a cunning glow to her which contradicted her princess status.

“P-princess Shuri, your majesty, I mean your grace--my lady,” Colleen was sputtering and you were struggling not to burst into laughter. You were as awestruck by the encounter but your new friend had beat you to the finish line of embarrassment.

“Shuri,” She assured Colleen with a smirk, “Please, no need to be nervous.” She looked to you with interest, “Y/N?” She touched your lanyard as if confirming it one last time, “My apologies but I thought since I happened by you, I’d take the chance now.”

“Chance?” You were utterly confused and Colleen’s fidgeting wasn’t helping matters.

“It’s almost like finding a needle in a haystack at these things and I was thinking it would be easier to find you at the hotel but I didn’t want to disturb you so late,” She explained, “Excuse me,” She turned to Colleen with a gentle smile and read her name tag casually, “Colleen, it’s so nice to meet you but could I borrow your friend.”

“Yes, your majesty, as you command,” Colleen curtsied and mumbled a befuddled farewell before awkwardly stumbling away. You waved over Shuri’s shoulder and watched her disappear into the crowd.

“Before anyone else notices me, could we step out?” The princess asked directing you through a door. “I’m sorry, this must be odd but I can’t really explain it. Would you come with me? I have someone who can.”

“Um, yes,” You stopped biting your lip to answer, “Look, is there something wrong? Did I do something?”

“No, no, you’re fine,” She gestured for you to follow and led you to another door. You walked beside her as she touched her cuff and spoke into it as if it were a phone, “I’ve found her. Where should I go?”

An answer you couldn’t hear came and she nodded, carrying on as if you weren’t being detained by a member of the royal family. You were starting to sweat and your thoughts were racing. You recalled Agent Everett K. Ross and the surveillance you knew he had kept on you. What if he had followed you all the way to Wakanda just to have you arrested?

“Please, you’re far too worried,” She broke through your thoughts as she stopped before a door, “You’ve done nothing wrong. There’s merely someone you need to talk to.”

[karokawwo]

sexy times with katra ❤️

(the envy comic is referenced from this post)

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo Devlog #14 | 12.02.24

And November is over! This month has been filled with paperwork, organizing receipts, and so on, which isn't very fun, but it's part of the job!

We are making great progress with everything overall; merch has been ordered and we have received proof and approved it; our voice actors are already delivering the voiced names y'all paid for during our Kickstarter campaign; and more! Let's see it in detail, shall we? :^)

Our dear Raquel has been working hard (I think I say this every devlog, but damn) on reworking the sprites for the extended demo now that the Special postcards for the Kickstarter are done! For this next batch, she'll be working on Ara and Amon, so here's a WIP of how Ara is looking so far! 💜

I think you can see how her design is already more detailed and cohesive in some areas. We'll most likely ask for feedback when Amon is ready too, to test the waters with both characters like we did with Gael and Xal :^)

The street is coming to life! This background is almost ready thanks to Astro. We'll have four new locations in the Extended Demo to help with the pacing and the introduction of our world and story to (hopefully) make it perfect. Or something close to it!

In the writing department, I've so far added 7000 words to the prologue. We have one flavor choice, two personality choices (and several personality reactions), and three "relationship choices". These basically shape your relationship with Evie in this case. For example, you'll be able to choose if you are intimate friends, are warm to each other, or if you prefer something less physical / touchy. And Evie will remember that!

And this is just so far. While River has a kind of "set" personality, I want people to be able to shape some aspects of their life.

In the writing department I should also include the documents I've provided to our VAs, and to our composer, Tomás. More on that below!

We have a proper help screen! Wohoo! 💜

Now you can enjoy Ren'py's default help screen but looking a bit nicer. This is for those who are not familiar with Ren'py's usual keybindings and stuff :^)

Nothing else on the programming side this month. I've focused on writing the script and that's going to be my main job until I can actually start programming something!

As I said before, our beloved voice actors are already working on the voiced names! In fact, Xal's VA (Francfil Pontañeles) and Pride's (Pat Langner) already recorded them! A little surprise is that we have been able to add our default MC's name, River, as a voiced name. For those of you who want to play with that name, you'll also enjoy some voiced lines!

What else—ah! We are already working with Tomás for our OST, and we have settled in 19 tracks total. Those are even more tracks than we expected! This is thanks to you all, and especially thanks to those of you who ordered more merch via Backerkit. You made those four extra tracks possible!

Our merch has been checked and so far only the pins are missing a preview and therefore our approval. We had to edit some files (beginner's mistake!) but being the first time we do this, I'd say things have been rather smoothly! We'd like to be able to start shipping this month, but it may not be possible. Which is a bummer! But well, we settled in December / January, so January it is, if nothing happens!

(Don't mind the colors being too flashy here—they will look more cohesive in game!)

OH, and the last extra bit! I've been working on the personality choices, as you all know, and Kayden has been helping me make the icons that will appear next to those choices for those who are colorblind. An extra thing to make them pop and differentiate them better! I think they are pretty self-explanatory, and if not, well—that means we have to give those icons a twist!

November has been a chaotic month for me due to the aftermath of the floods and my vacation week. The rest of the team has also had their good amount of irl stuff happening around them, but we've made it! The new year is approaching faster than I thought, as per usual, and I hope we can finish 2024 on a good note!

And that's all! As always, please take care, have fun, and enjoy the rest of the week!

[ravenstargames]

Can we get the LIs reaction to be on the receiving end of the let me love you meme chase? 😂🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️

Got asked this one recently too, so might as well reply to the first anon who sent it! 💜

✦ The LIs response to "LET ME LOVE YOU!! 🏃💨"

Amon: "Oh, yeah! I'm right here, babe!" He opens his arms wide to catch you and lift you into the air!

Raeya: "Why are you yelling? You already have permission to love me. Stop running. Do you have a fever?"

Gael: "My love!" Grabs the MC's hand as they run full speed towards him. "You'll hurt yourself. Please be careful... I'm not going anywhere."

Envy: Starts running away immediately. "G-get away from me, you idiot! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!! W-WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME?! STOP!!"

Ara: Runs towards the MC to meet them halfway into a hug. "You better love me right now! I won't get a no for an answer! And now it's your turn to RUN!!"

Xal: Stands still, watching the MC closely. "I... I let you...love me. I mean, you don't really need permission...Do you want me to run, or something...?"

Father Pride: He's so calm about this as per usual. "Oh, my dear, you are so full of life. Come, sit down. No need to run after me. You have me now, and always, and I would never reject your affection."

✦ Lost in Limbo is a dark fantasy romance visual novel set in the mysterious realm of Limbo. Pursue seven love interests, deities of unimaginable power, as you try to survive a world of danger and deceit.

✨SUPPORT OUR KICKSTARTER HERE!

PLAY OUR DEMO ON:

🔮 STEAM (MAC, LINUX, WINDOWS)

🔮 ITCH.IO (MAC, LINUX, WINDOWS, ANDROID)

🔮 GOOGLE PLAY

[ravenstargames]

SEYL THIS IS ASSMASTER WHAT FLOWERS IN VICTORIAN FLOWER LANGUAGE REPRESENT THE LOVE INTEREST

HELLO ASSMASTER FROM LOST IN LIMBO OFFICIAL DISCORD

✦ Flowers that represent the LIs (victorian flower language)

✦ Amon: Hibiscus

✦ Raeya: Gladiolus

✦ Gael: Violet

✦ Envy: Lotus flower

✦ Ara: Hollyhock

✦ Xal: Peony

✦ Father Pride: Heliotrope

✦ Lázaro: Anemone

✦ Cécile: Petunia