#loses his wife tries to fuck off realizes its a bad idea and goes back gets sucked into a weird plot by a guy way obsessed with his dad

[scarletwix]

Been reading a lot of KoW era Pietro

Nurse, get this man a nap. Stat.

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1981

The X-Men, those back-to-the-future mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(Uncanny X-Men 141 - 152) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne, Brent Anderson, Dave Cockrum, Jim Sherman, Bob McLeod and Josef Rubinstein

While I also committed various fashion atrocities at the age of 14 (tye-die and fauxhawks, oh my), even Liberace would find Kitty’s outfits too much. (Uncanny X-Men 149; Uncanny X-Men Annual ‘81)

We dial back from the v. epic scope of the last few arcs. Instead, 1981 is just a lot of fun! We get:

Storm and Emma doing a Freaky Friday!

the X-Men vs. Magneto (again!)

A surprisingly effective Alien rip-off

An dystopian future! (OoOoOoOo)

Last year was the year of the Dark Phoenix, this is the year of Kitty Pryde. That’s not to say Jean’s death is swept under the rug: all throughout, we see her friends mourning her loss or remembering her fondly. (Scott even gets to have a demonic adventure about it.) But in general, Claremont puts Kitty in the forefront, fleshing out his YA-addition to the team. And what would a YA heroine be without a grim dystopia? Roll out the iconic Days of Future Past!

To be fair, 2013 was a dark time for all of us: What Does the Fox Say somehow got to the top of the charts and I was still watching Glee. (Uncanny X-Men 141)

How cool would it have been to see a name like Jonothon Starsmore or Eva Bell on those tombstones?

Anyway, that’s Kate. Kate’s had it rough. Mutants are at the bottom of the foodchain, most X-Men are dead and only a small cadre of resistance fighters remain, Sentinels dominate, and while she is married to Piotr, her children have been murdered. Bleak. Luckily, the rebellion has concocted the plan to shunt Kate’s spirit back in time to prevent this awful future from happening. (You’ve seen Days of Future Past, the last passably good X-Men film, you know what’s up.)

Let’s do the time warp again! 1981!Kitty’s mind gets taken over by 2013!Kitty, who promptly tries to convince the X-Men that a new Brotherhood of v. Evil Mutants will try to kill Senator Kelly, a presidential candidate who tries to put the mutant menace on the agenda. (Mutants tend to blow stuff up when he’s around.) Since the X-Men recently took a literal trip to Dante’s Infero and also befriended a cosmic world-ending entity, they basically shrug and go: “Yeah, this checks out.”

Off to Washington they go (zoommm) and there, they happen upon the Baddest Bitches in Herstory:

“How dare you hate mutants, senator Kelly! We’ll fix that by killing you!” (Uncanny X-Men 141)

This All-New, All-Different Brotherhood consists out of:

Destiny, a blind woman who can see the future. Definitely the eeriest member of this group. Badass lesbian, though that won´t be canon for years.

Avalanche. Greek who makes things shake. Is a long-standing member of the X-Men Rogue’s gallery, but rarely features in the spotlight. I think he got more characterization in four years of X-Men Evolution than he ever did in the comics.

Mystique. Shapeshifter. Ruthless and unhinged, the Cersei Lannister of the X-Men universe. Absolute legend, secretly the wife of Destiny, currently not as unhinged as she’ll be later. Immediately implied to be related to Nightcrawler: it’s the yellow-eyes-blue-skin-combo.

Pyro. Can manipulate fire, not create it. Absolute pillock, in all the best ways of the word. Originally intended as gay, but they decided to make him Australian instead. (?!)

Blob. Big, strong, immovable. We’ve seen him before.

One of the details in this fight I enjoy is that Storm is still struggling with her leadership, although she has a better grip on things than Cyclops:

Wolverine then proceeds to use those iconic but deadly claws about twice per issue for the next, oh, forty years. (Uncanny X-Men 142)

While the X-Men fight the Brotherhood in the present, we cut back and forth to the future. There, the X-Men consist out of some familiar faces - Storm, Colossus, Wolverine - and some surprises: Magneto (in a wheelchair), Franklin Richards (son of) and an unfamiliar ginger girl called Rachel. (She’ll be important later.) We even learn (one of) Magneto’s names: this is the first time he’s canonically called Magnus.

One of the strengths of Days of Future Past lies in its brevity, the way it tantalizingly taunts us with a brutal but familiar future without giving away too much. It’s single-handedly responsible for all those dark future timelines the X-lines are so fond of which will eventually culminate in time-displaced grandsons from alternative dimensions and the impossibility of a succinct answer to the question: “Who’s Cable?” Too much of a good thing and all that.

Still, what Days of Future Past does so successfully is:

Put the idea of the mutant menace back at the forefront, hammering home the metaphor of mutants being a minority. Mutants being put in camps and being forbidden to breed should - regretfully - make us think of all too many real life equivalents. (Specifically, all of the imagery harkens back to the Holocaust.)

It starkly shows what happens should the X-Men lose, reminding everyone of the stakes. The X-Men are here for a reason: bridging the gap between mutants and humankind. If they fuck up, we end up with mutant concentration camps.

It helps that the X-Men in the future almost all die horribly: Franklin is incinerated, Storm is impaled… It's brutal stuff. The only one to survive is Rachel, who wonders if their plan actually changed the future or if they created an alternative timeline. (It did the latter, sorry ‘bout it, Rachel.)

In the present, Kate chases after Destiny, who trains a gun on senator Kelly. I always wondered how this works: if Destiny saw the future, she knew that killing Kelly would trigger a terrifying future. What in the current Marvel timeline made her decide that the Days of Future Past was better? Did she see her own death? Did she see the Onslaught-crossover coming? The Chuck Austen run? What was it?

In any case, time-anomalous Kate stops Destiny from killing Kelly and the future is safe! For now. Kate disappears, Kitty returns to her body and some of the Brotherhood are apprehended. All is well, for now.

After being a key figure in DoFP, Kitty is also the main character in the Christmas special, which is basically a straight up horror and a pastiche of the Alien-movie.

Seriously, John Byrne still isn’t sure why he wasn’t sued by Ridley Scott for this. (Uncanny X-Men 143)

If you love Kitty Pryde? Read this issue. If you’re not convinced you like 80’s Kitty? Read this issue. It’s not continuity relevant and it’s basically Kitty playing the part of a Final Girl in a horror where she’s being chased by a demon, but it’s so good. It showcases all her strengths and her foibles. Kitty’s intelligent, cute (sometimes preciously so) and brave, but she’s also young, self-conscious and hot-headed. And it's not as if the other X-Men automatically adore her: Storm berates her all the time, she’s afraid of Kurt because of the way he looks (though she grows out of that) and she fights with Professor Xavier a lot. Moreover, she has a clever power-set for a young superhero who faces menaces on a daily basis: a thirteen year old who can go intangible is far less likely to have reality ensue on her and be dramatically offed because she's better at protecting herself.

I’m sure there are people who thought Sprite was hogging the spotlight, but I, for one, say she brings more to the table than, say, Angel. She’s not the Dawn Summers of this franchise.

Scott also gets a side quest. Poor guy can’t catch a break: first the love of his life dies, so he quits the X-Men, then he realizes he can’t do much else than be a superhero. He becomes a sailor on the ship of spunky captain Lee Forrester, is drawn into the sadistic plans of a demon unironically named D’Spayre and then shipwrecks in Bermuda with Lee.

The X-Men, meanwhile, are tormented by a team-up of Doom (who’s currently Latverialess and working on a comeback) and Arcade, that annoying crony. Locke, Arcade’s dom, has kidnapped the loved ones of the X-Men (Moira MacTaggart, Jean Grey’s parents, Illyana Rasputin and Amanda Sefton) in order to blackmail them into getting Doom to free Arcade. Apparently, Arcade accidentally insulted Doom and DOOM DOES NOT FORGIVE THAT FOLLY.

While the B-Squad (Polaris, Havok, Banshee and Iceman) goes to save Arcade’s hostages, the X-Men sneak into Doom’s castle. Well, except for Storm, who doesn’t give a single fuck and simply flies up to Doom, demanding an audience. Doom likes the cut of her jib and invites her to have dinner. (This is pre-Tinder, so this is a legit way of scoring a date.)

If Storm has a flaw (I said if!), it’s got to be her atrocious taste in men. (Uncanny X-Men 145)

The X-Men find Arcade’s cell empty, while Arcade casually saunters up to Storm and says hi. Storm realizes too late that this is a trap: while the X-Men are all trapped in Saw-like traps, Storm is encased in ‘living chrome’.

If you remember she’s claustrophobic, you know why this is a bad move.

While the X-Men free themselves from their traps - Polaris hilariously has to deal with a murderous merry-go-round - Storm is slowly driven mad in her prison, triggering a worldwide tempest. (She causes Lee and Scott to shipwreck.) Under the threat of Wolverine’s claws, Doom releases Storm - or rather, unleashes her.

“Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!” (Uncanny X-Men 147)

The memory of Jean brings Ororo back to herself and she starts undoing the superstorm she created. (If only climate change were reversed that easily.) Their confrontation ends by Storm easily forgiving Doom, because she apparently trespassed on his grounds without adequate cause.

Mkay.

All of Arcade’s hostages return to their homesteads, except for Illyana Rasputin, Piotr’s sister: she’s staying at the mansion for a while. Angel, who’s sort of been a part of the team since the Phoenix thing, has had it with Wolverine and his ‘tude, and decides to quit the X-Men : he doesn’t want to be a part of an outfit that has a killer like Wolverine on it. (Or maybe he’s just mad Claremont didn’t give him any storylines: his presence has been mostly pointless.) It’s too bad he left before Kitty started experimenting with her outfits: I bet he would have loved her ugly-ass costumes.

Equally inconsequential is the introduction of a brand new character, who then proceeds to disappear from the narrative for the rest of the year:

Black Tom has tried to kill you at least twice, but him sending you a long-lost daughter doesn’t give you pause? Ugh, Sean, you deserve Moira. (Uncanny X-Men 148)

Intrigued by Theresa? TOO BAD, WON’T SEE HER AGAIN ANYTIME SOON.

Another new character is the lonely, decidedly mutant looking Caliban, who can sense “people like him” and is on the lookout for companions. Like many lonely people who try and grasp at friendship, he decides to overshoot his shot and ruin the night of Storm, Kitty and Jessica Drew at a Dazzler concert. Because he tries to kidnap Kitty, the girls react a trifle aggressively. When they realize their mistake - the eerily pale Caliban is a simpleton rather than a menace - he’s already fled. No mention is made of the Morlocks yet!

There’s also another dull annual where the X-Men team up with the Fantastic Four to save Arkon’s dimension from the Badoon and yaaaaawn. Far more interesting is the landmark issue #150. Slowly, through the adventures of Scott and Lee Forrester, Claremont has been setting things up for the return of a favorite villain. While the X-Men investigate Magneto’s old base in Antarctica on a hunch of Professor X and tangle with Garruk, Scott and Lee survive Storm’s tempest, only to wake up next to a strange island that seems to have been raised from the ocean.

It’s apparently some ancient citadel from a long forgotten civilization with a fondness for squid statues. (I don’t know man, I’ve never been to the Bermuda Triangle, maybe this is just super-accurate.)The tentacles make Lee Forrester feel very amorous, but before Scott can tell her he is way too repressed to just have sex with an attractive someone he’s known intimately for a month or two, Magneto saves his ass by revealing he, in fact, raised this island from the seafloor.

Oh, Magneto. So extra.

My ambitious little mutant demagogue then proceeds to take the entire world hostage, showing how much he’s grown from the pompous, raving madman from the sixties. (Sure, Magneto is still a bit of a madman, but increasingly, he starts being on the right side of history.)

“I’m trying to make Magneto more sympathetic.”

“Just put him on a page with some bigger villains who are less noble, like the Vanisher, Count Nefaria, or…”

“Reagan, Thatcher and Brezhnov?”

“Er.” (Uncanny X-Men 150)

It’s obvious Magneto is being pivoted as a more noble villain, codified into the well-intentioned extremist we know and love today. Not only do we get the first hints at his past, fleshing out his motivations, he’s also not wrong. Humans are historically not great at taking care of the planet or each other.

When the Russians call his bluff and launch nukes at Magneto’s new island, he quickly disarms them. His retribution is swift and ferocious: the entire citadel is a machine that massively amplifies his powers. He sinks the submarine that launched the missiles, condemning the entire crew to death, and he casually erects a vulcano in a Russian city in Siberia.

Damn. Not messing around this time.

Despite his good intentions, Magneto is still definitely in the wrong: not only because of his methods, but as Scott points out: if Magneto unifies the world under his kind of benevolent dictatorship, all of that will simply fall apart as soon as Magnus dies.

In a way, Magneto is just as big a dreamer as Charles is: Charles believes in peace and integration, whereas Magneto believes his iron fist will be enough to make a perfect world happen. Both of them ignore the reality that acceptance is difficult and messy, because you’re trying to change essential human nature: the fear of the other. Magneto believes in big, sweeping gestures that will fix the world in move, while changing the world is also boring, hard work. One step forward, two steps back. Magneto just wants to leapfrog to his ultimate goal.

The X-Men fly over the citadel, returning from Antarctica, and their plane crashes into the ocean. (Magneto does not brook planes over his territory, humans!) The Professor is also nearby, looking for Scott with Moira, Peter Corbeau and Carol Danvers. The X-Men sneak onto the island, but to their horror, their powers are nullified by some machine of Magneto. They reunite with Scott, who formulates a plan to thwart the would-be ruler of the world.

While the rest of the X-Men go to trash the machine, Storm, Kitty and Lee infiltrate the control chamber where Storm finds a sleeping, shirtless Magneto. Once again showing her terrible taste in men, she is not weak in the knees at the sight of a sleeping Magnus: instead, she contemplates killing him.

Storm knows how dangerous he is, but she also knows that he’s a great man who’s fighting for ideals, no matter how misguided. She hesitates too long: Magneto stirs, suspects an attack and tosses her out of the window, to her death.

Magneto quickly undoes the sabotage the other X-Men have wrought to his machine. A fight erupts. Storm, meanwhile, has managed to grab hold of a ledge. She crawls back up and smashes an important-looking computer, restoring everyone’s powers.

The battle turns grim, but Scott sends Kitty away to wreck Magneto’s machinery. She sneaks off, following Scott’s orders and destroying both Magneto's power-up device and all of his plans by phasing though the computer circuitry. Magneto senses this and furiously gives chase. Overcome by rage, he attacks Kitty and disrupts her phasing power with a magnetic bolt, seemingly killing her?

Everything about this story beat is great: mama bear!Ororo, mournful Magnus and even the fact that Kitty’s godawful outfit serves a narrative function: highlighting to us (and Magneto) just how young she is. The fact that Kitty’s Jewish is just icing on the cake. (Uncanny X-Men 150)

And thus, the softening of Magneto commences. 1981 might be a year with wildly varying narratives, but it has given us at least three enduring legacies to the X-Mythos: a new kind of Magneto, a fondness for dystopian futures and the character of Kitty Pryde, who's really come into her own this year.

Ugliest Costume: Kitty! Purposefully, but still. Best costume, by the way, goes to Destiny, with her creepy, creepy golden mask. Just imagine this lady casually strolling across a battlefield, eerily calm and collected, dodging everything you throw at her. Awesome design.

Best new character: I usually pick one character - what good is having a shared award when declaring the best of anything? - but this year, it’s going to one of my favorite couples: Mystique and Destiny. Can’t wait to see more of them.

Most audacious retcon: Blob somehow retroactively becomes a member of the original Brotherhood, which is not what happened. Ever weirder is Xavier pondering that he never met Magneto before his attack in X-Men #1, while their cordially adversarial relationship rooted in a youthful friendship would soon become a cornerstone of the X-Men.

What to read: Uncanny X-Men 141 - 143 and 150 - 152

[cartoonsaint]

Try Not to Use the “F-Word,” Okay?

[Ao3]

was reading about @doodledrawsthings​ ‘coffee shop au’ and thought it was interesting that from the jump Luka uses “peck” as a swear. told myself not to overthink it... so naturally here’s nearly three thousand words about the idea that Luka used to swear a LOT. not sure how in keeping it is w his character, but it certainly is in keeping w MY experiences of unthinkingly swearing around a toddler ahahah.... fuck 8)

Summary: three snapshots of luka that are definitely only about swearing (coffee shop au) Characters: Luka, Vanessa, baby Hattie, Luka’s parents. Rating: T (features swearing, implied unhealthy relationship, post-birth scene, minor bleeding) Length: 2878 words

One evening during dinner, Luka loses his grip on his fork and drops it under the table with a clatter. “Fuck,” he says mildly.

Dad gasps, which is a poor choice since he was mid-sip of water. He sputters and coughs, face turning alarmingly red, while Mom throws her head back and laughs. It’s even louder and longer than usual; even by the time Luka crawls back up from under the table, errant fork clutched in one hand and brow wrinkled in confusion over his weird parents, his mom is still laughing. His dad, though, has managed to get his breath back.

“Luka T. Princeton!” he says hoarsely, looking both absolutely scandalized and absolutely soaked from the water that escaped his mouth and cup. “We do not say that word at the dinner table!”

“What word?” Luka asks, before a metaphorical lightbulb goes off. “Oh, ‘fuck’?”

“Don’t—!” his dad says, then goes “hrng” and looks to his wife for help. 

Luka’s mom, now face-down at the dinner table in stark contrast to her usually flawless manners, just smacks the table with a fist and laughs harder. The water in Luka’s cup ripples with it, which in itself is pretty funny, but his dad still looks so uncharacteristically thunderstruck that Luka is unsure whether to join in. Plus he pulled out the full name, so… 

Luka bites his lower lip, suddenly worried. Did he do something bad…?

“Where did you even hear that word?” Dad is massaging the bridge of his nose now in the way he only does when dealing with a tough client or a call that he doesn’t want Luka to overhear, and Luka finds he has to bite his lip even harder because it wants to wobble and he’s a big kid, he’s not going to cry.

“M-Mom said it the other day, when she cut her finger,” he admits, fiddling with his fork. Dad turns to her with such a look of betrayal, even as Mom tries to stifle her continuing giggles. “Um… is it bad?”

“Yes,” Dad says, just as Mom catches her breath and says, “Well, sort of.”

Luka’s parents glance at each other in surprised confusion, but Luka barely notices. He said a bad word… Does that mean he’s bad? Despite his best efforts, his vision starts to go blurry with tears as he stares down at the fork in his hands. He doesn’t want to be bad.

“I don’t think it’s that big a deal,” his mom says.

“I do,” replies his dad, sounding baffled. “I just assumed we were on the same page with this.”

Luka sniffs, trying desperately to hold it together, but he said a bad word — but he didn’t know — but does it matter if he didn’t know? He’s still bad, right? Hot tears start to trail down his cheeks and he sniffs again, harder and louder.

“Oh, Lu,” his dad says softly and crosses around the table to kneel by Luka’s seat. Luka wipes at his eyes fruitlessly as his mom reaches across and takes his smaller hand in hers. “I’m sorry, kiddo, I didn’t mean to get upset. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It’s okay,” his mom tells him, giving his hand a squeeze. “It’s alright, Luka. We’re not angry — it is a, ah, a ‘bad word,’ but you didn’t know. It’s alright, sweetheart.”

Once Luka starts crying, though, it always takes him an embarrassingly long time to stop. He can’t help it. His frustration about unwillingly acting like such a dumb little kid makes his tears come faster and harder; he has to scrub at his face for a while, his dad handing him tissues, and so he doesn’t pick up on the silent conversation happening over his head between his parents.

They are a matched set in so many ways. To Luka they seem to move in perfect tandem, one picking up the tasks of the other with seamless grace. It seems so natural, so unpracticed and easy, and indeed some of it is — but as Luka cries, they communicate in a series of small expressions each has long-studied in the other: We will talk about this when Luka goes to bed. And, Well I thought it was funny. And, Alright maybe it was but I still don’t want him swearing. And, We’ll discuss it. We’ll figure it out together. I love you.

Luka never realizes. He just assumes that perfect couples are never out of sync with each other — and if they are out of sync, then they must not be perfect.

***

“Fuck, Ven, she’s perfect,” Luka breathes.

He couldn't get close enough sitting in one of the chairs, so he had been leaning against his wife's hospital bed when Vanessa passed him their child — their child, their baby, theirs — and his knees went weak. Now he’s kneeling on the tile floor, barely aware of his surroundings because in his arms he holds a truly, beautifully perfect little baby girl.

She has… a nose. He couldn’t say whether it’s more like his or Vanessa’s because this perfect bundle of joy is a scrunched up little pink newborn so mostly she looks like a lot of wrinkles that a sleepy face got on, but fuck, he loves that little nose and everything attached to it. Honestly through the tears he can barely see her right now but she’s perfect, perfect, perfect… even if she is, objectively speaking, not actually that appealing to look at. “Shit, Ven. Ven. Look at her goddamn little face, fuck.”

Vanessa makes a sound and reaches for him, touching his hand. “You don’t like her face?”

“I fucking love her face,” he says hoarsely. “I love her so goddamn much, Ven, I don’t even know how to say it. Fuck. Fuck.”

“Good,” Vanessa says tiredly. Luka doesn’t want to put their daughter down for a second so he does his best to wipe his eyes on the shoulder of his shirt sleeve. He gets to his feet only to sink right onto the bed beside his wife. His perfect, wonderful wife who has given them the tiny creature he never wants to look away from. “You wanted to name her Harriet, didn’t you?”

It’s like there’s a thread pulling his gaze directly to their daughter but he resists it for long enough to look up at the radiant woman he loves. She’s watching him, eyes glittering. “Do you mean…?”

She gives him one of her luminous smiles, even exhausted as she clearly is. “If it’s what you want, my love.”

Luka’s heart leaps as he looks down at their daughter — at Harriet. “Harriet,” he whispers in wonder. “Little Harry.”

Vanessa’s grip on his arm briefly tightens. “No,” she says.

Luka can’t help the wet laugh that comes out of him, though he tries to keep it down for the sake of his exhausted wife. “No,” he agrees. “How about��� Hattie? Little Hattie?”

Hattie sleeps on, a teeny tiny person wrapped up safe in Luka’s trembling arms. He’s probably going to get dehydrated from all this crying and his face already hurts from how hard he’s smiling but, fuck, he doesn’t care about that at all when their perfect daughter is right here. “Hm? Hattie? How’s that sound, princess?” And he presses a gentle, wet kiss to Harriet’s brow.

Luka doesn’t notice Vanessa’s stung shock. He doesn’t notice the shadow of fear, anger, and confusion that darkens her face as she looks between her husband and the daughter she’s given him. It will take him a long time to realize his assumptions about their mutual goals as a unit are different.

For now, he loves Vanessa with all his heart — and loves their little Hattie just as much, if not more.

***

“Fuck,” Luka hisses, jerking his hand out of the hot, soapy water to check his fingertip. Blood wells up from its soft pad, mixing and diluting in the dirty dishwater. “Fuck,” he sighs again, and turns the squeaky nozzle of his shitty sink to run clean water over it. What kind of a fucking fool leaves a sharp knife in the sink like that, anyway.

Obviously, he does. This god awful apartment is just his, after all — he’d run here as soon as he could manage to pull together both the separate funds and distance necessary to prevent Vanessa locating it. This place is safe: Vanessa has never been here, and as of today she never will. So it’s safe, that is, from her — not from Luka’s own inability to keep track of where the goddamn sharp objects are.

“Stupid,” he mutters to himself as the water rushing over his cut starts to run clean. “Shithead.”

It’s been a weird day — a weird week — shit, a weird few years, if Luka thinks about it. When Vanessa came into his life, she seemed to him so bright that nothing else was worth looking at. It took until their daughter — his daughter, now — for Luka to start looking into the darkness she brought as well. Then the divorce proceedings, custody battles, the restraining order — for so long it had seemed that the legal system would fail Luka and Harriet, that Vanessa’s long shadow would follow them wherever they went.

Until earlier this week, that is, when Vanessa used magic in the courtroom.

Things had happened quickly from there. The paperwork barring Vanessa in his and Hattie’s life was just signed and made official today; his copies are still set neatly on the junky, second-hand kitchen table until he figures out exactly where to put them. After so long, it’s finally over. He and Hattie are free.

The old pipes complain as he turns the water off. The cut isn’t too bad, but he probably ought to bandage it anyway. He wipes away the spilled water with a ratty towel, turning to —

“Ffffpffpffpfpfpflllffff,” says Hattie from right by Luka’s feet, which is also outside of her playpen.

“Fuck!” Luka yelps, leaping about a foot in the air. Hattie stops blowing air through her lips to smile up at him, totally angelic. Luka presses a hand to his chest, staring at his little girl. “Kiddo! You scared me! How did you—?”

He looks across the small, open floorplan into the den, where he’s set up several different brands and varieties of baby gates to keep Hattie out of the kitchen when he’s occupied with cooking or cleaning. Her many toys are left behind, the gates apparently untouched, but somehow she’s escaped them — again — to hug Luka’s leg and smile up at him.

He smiles back, of course — he couldn’t deny her anything. And even if it is a problem that his little girl can’t be contained anywhere, he feels a swell of pride at her continued and baffling ingenuity — as well as a slight prickling in his eyes because even with all her toys she always just seems to want to be close to him. “No one’s gonna keep you trapped anywhere, huh, sweetheart?” he asks, squatting down to ruffle her light brown waves.

“Fffpllfpllfff,” Hattie replies importantly, graciously accepting the affection.

“Ah, I see. Your jumping abilities are unmatched, are they?” Luka says in return. His daughter started moving early, her curiosity about the world apparently unable to be sated with just looking even when she was just a few months old. She has always wanted to touch, to crawl, to walk — just the other day Luka could swear he caught her trying to climb the couch. His little princess is unstoppable, and his pride in her every step has gotten him teary-eyed more than once (more than once this week, even).

“Fffflpllplflffff,” Hattie tells him, eyes bright. She smiles hugely in between blowing air through her lips. What she lacks in the ability to form words (she’s a little late, and Luka’s not worried, exactly, but he is watching that with hawk-like eyes) she makes up for in expression. She turns her big blue eyes to the hand Luka isn’t using to brush back her wavy locks, curious. “Fffllllllllflflplf?”

“Oh, your dad cut himself,” Luka explains, showing her the slim red line of blood beading up on the pad of his finger. “Pretty stupid, if you ask — oh, sweetie, don’t—!” She’s grabbed his finger in a little fist before he can stop her, smearing blood all over it. He quickly scoops her into his lap, frowning down at her messy hand. “Fuck. Alright, we’ll just—”

“Fffffffuck,” Hattie says clearly.

Luka blinks once. Twice. He looks down at his daughter, who is beaming up at him with clear pride.

“...what,” Luka says.

“Flffflpplf.”

“A-alright, okay, that’s — sorry, princess, your dad thought for a second there you said—”

“Pllllfffflllplflflfff. Fffuck!” Hattie says again. Then she claps her little hands together in delight, further spreading the blood between them.

“Ha,” says Luka, voice unusually high. “Hahaha I? You??? …Alright! Alright! This, ah, this is fine, kiddo, we’ll just—”

“Fuck! Ffplplffuck fuck fuck?”

Luka takes a deep breath. Then he takes another one.

When Harriet was first born, he’d made an effort to cut back on the swearing. He had the ability to turn it off, after all, in the courthouse and with clients, so presumably it should have been easy to transfer that back home, too. But changing the way he’s spoken for years in his own space turned out to be quite difficult; with the stress of the past few months, that effort had been one of the many things to fall by the wayside in favor of more immediate concerns.

So Luka has been swearing a lot lately. And his sweet Hattie has been quietly soaking it all up, patiently biding her time until she could attempt to communicate with her dad in his own language.

“Ffffuck?” Hattie asks, eyes concerned. She presses one dirty hand to Luka’s face, as though attempting to stem the flow of tears. “Fffpllppff?”

“Oh, princess, I’m sorry,” he tells her, rubbing his wet face on his shoulder to clear his eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have — I—” He sniffs, then exhales hard. “Alright. Daddy’s been saying some bad words lately, but he’s gonna stop now, okay?”

“Fuck!”

A part of Luka really, really wants to laugh, actually, because damn is Hattie cute with her big, sparkling eyes, her chubby cheeks uplifted with a smile, the absolute adoration on her face as she looks up at him for approval. The contrast between how sweet she looks in her bird-patterned onesie and the foul language coming out of her mouth is almost —

“Fuck?”

“Nope!” he says brightly. “We’re gonna try something different! Okay, kiddo?” Hattie tilts her head adorably and Luka’s chest squeezes — fuck he loves her. “Hmmm…”

She watches him silently as he thinks. In the dozens of parenting books he’s read there was never anything explicitly about what to do if a toddler started cursing (because no one else has this problem because only he is this bad a dad, holy shit), but he can recall a number of chapters about encouraging them in pronunciation…

He’ll need something that sounds like “fuck,” but definitely isn’t. He laces his fingers together, tilting his head at Hattie. She pats his hands, looking solemnly back. He sticks his tongue out at her; delighted, she does the same. What word to use?

He notices that her orange onesie has penguins on it. 

“Alright, kiddo, this is going to be a little silly,” he says, and goes, “fllpppplffffpeck.”

It might be easier to just let this go, to let Hattie say and do whatever she wants, and part of Luka is tempted. But he knows now how important it is to talk in a family, to put in the work to understand one another. This situation might be a minor instance of it, but he wants to make sure he and Hattie never have a problem talking to each other. He’s willing to put in the work, as much as it takes.

It takes an hour or so to convince her that “peck” is superior to “fuck.” The process is complicated by the continued desire to laugh every time she swears, but eventually they manage, and Hattie goes toddling off merrily chanting, “peck peck peck peck.”

Luka painfully hauls himself up (shit, his tailbone hurts) to finally finish doing the dishes in water that has long gone cold. This is a good start, he thinks, but he’ll need to watch his own language as well. Maybe he can encourage Hattie’s positive association with the word with a bird toy or something? He considers this as he reaches into the water to unplug the drain —

And jerks his hand back as the same finger grazes probably the same goddamn knife. “Fff—!”

“Peck!”

He glances over his shoulder. Hattie is painstakingly tugging at the baby gates, trying to get back into the playpen he knows she knows he prefers her to be in. Her eyes are solemn, watching him for what he’ll do.

“...peck,” he agrees weakly. She smiles brilliantly and goes back to her toddler work.

God, he fu— he pecking loves her.

[theliterateape]

The Unhinged Prince of Hollywood (…Or, How Will Smith Auditioned for the Brett Kavanaugh Biopic)

By David Himmel

Nothing would have made me happier than Will Smith losing the Oscar for Best Actor at the 94th Academy Awards.

I haven’t seen King Richard. I don’t have much interest in seeing it. I love me some Sisters Williams, which is why a movie about them, their talent, and their eventual rise to athletic dominance and global fame focusing so blatantly on their dad didn’t pique my interest. I know Venus and Serena were executive producers on the film, which tells me they approve of it, so I don’t have any beef with the point of view feeling very, oh, what’s that word… patronizing. To me, it feels like watching a film about the Jackson family and calling it Joe Jackson was a Fucking Prick to His Kids. Or like if a movie was made about Donny and Marie Osmond called, Our Dad Wore Magic Underpants.

I have heard good things about the film and about Smith’s portrayal—his fourth at playing a real person, which is usually a good path toward winning an Oscar. The Academy loves its impressions. The other three realies Smith played were Muhammed Ali (Ali), Chris Gardner (The Pursuit of Happyness), and Dr. Bennet Omalu (Concussion). Smith was Oscar-nominated for Ali and The Pursuit of Happyness. And he was famously not nominated for Concussion, which inspired his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith and he to boycott the Oscars in 2016. They said he was “snubbed.” I saw Concussion. It was fine. Smith was good. Oscar-worthy performance? I dunno. Apparently, the Academy thought not.

So, was it Will’s turn to finally get that trophy? Sure. But I still didn’t want him to win.

As The Fresh Prince, Will Smith was awesome. Loved his albums, loved his TV show. I played Homebase front to back throughout most of 1993. But his movies always left me underwhelmed. The same goes for Pinkett Smith. Full disclosure: I can’t name any movie she’s been in since The Nutty Professor? The whole family’s silver screen performances leave me underwhelmed. And that’s okay. I realize I’m in the minority of those who don’t pledge allegiance to the career of the Smith family. And that may be because Will and Jada have long struck me as smug elitists. Hollywood royalty feeding off their own hype.

So, when Smith walked on stage in front of his entire industry and the world, and slapped Chris Rock across the face for making a subpar joke at his wife’s expense, my desire to see Smith lose intensified.

Chris Rock is not a mean-spirited comedian. I think he’s one of the best standups of our time. However, even the best swing and miss. Rock’s joke about Pinkett Smith’s hairstyle wasn’t that funny. Did I chuckle? Sure. But it was cheap and dated. And Rock knew it. Right after delivering it, he felt the room groan and shift in their seats. Maybe because it was referencing a movie from twenty-five years ago. Maybe because of why she shaved her head—her alopecia. Now, if Rock knew about her condition and her personal struggle with it, then the joke was in bad taste. If he didn’t know—and I have no idea one way or the other—then it was a bad joke. Jada knew that right away.

While Smith initially laughed at it, Pinkett Smith made a disgusted eyeroll so intense I thought for sure it would dominate the rest of 2022 as the most popular meme and gif. Rock must’ve seen it, too. Because he quickly walked it back. With the eyeroll and the groans, Rock, a pro recognizing a bomb, said, “That was a nice one,” then tried to move on saying, “I’m out here…” before Smith got up from his seat. “Uh-oh,” Rock said. I assume Rock was going to say, “I’m out here to present the award for Best Documentary.” But he was interrupted by a bully charging the stage.

Then the slap.

Damn, Rock took it like a champ. Handled it like a champ. Maybe Rock should have played Ali—he might have won the Oscar.

In a setting like the Academy Awards, jokes—good and bad—are made at the attendees’ expense. It’s all in good fun. Even the vitriol Ricky Gervais threw at Hollywood during his Golden Globes hosting stints had an essence of I’m just kidding. There are very few circumstances where I can justify slapping someone in the face for making a joke. The Academy Awards is not one of them.

If Jada was that offended, the look and body language, and the groan of the audience was enough to send a clear message. And even if it wasn’t clear, which it was to Rock as we all saw, her husband charging the stage and assaulting Rock was an absurd choice. I’m all for defending your family, but Jada’s an A-list celebrity and outspoken on her own terms. She can defend her own honor. Will ripped away his wife’s agency and made an ass of himself in the process. He put Rock, the academy, and, arguably, Questlove—winner of Best Documentary for Summer of Soul (…Or, When the Revolution Could Not Be Televised) in a strange place.

Will Smith out Kanye’d Kanye.

And then there was the acceptance speech when Smith ultimately took home the statue his wife was so sure he deserved six years ago.

A blubbering mess of emotions, excuses, and self-aggrandizing reconciliations to make himself look and/or feel better for acting like a brute. He knew what he did was absurd. An overreaction to a lame joke. But Will Smith can do that kind of crap and get away with it. Or so he thought.

He is, after all, Hollywood royalty. And royalty—with all its status, money, influence, and charm—can do what it wants when it wants. The Academy Awards are a gathering of the King’s Court. Rock was the jester, Smith, the prince. And the prince will be God damned if the jester thinks it can upstage the prince and the princess.

Smith displayed the most overused and exhausted Hollywood trope in real time in real life: toxic masculinity. Swooping in to defend the honor of his fair maiden. There was nothing valiant about it. Maybe Jada thought so, but the rest of the world didn’t. So maybe it’s best to keep their antiquated gender dynamics in their bedroom.

Not since Brett Kavanaugh has there been a more vibrant and engaging display of regretful toxic masculinity. “See these tears? They mean I’m really a gentle person and not an unhinged man’s man. Forget what I did because these tears are what matter! I’m crying because I’m sad. I’m crying because I’m angry. I’m crying because I’m just a hurt little boy who doesn’t know what to do with ALL OF THESE EMOTIONS!”

Slow down, dear reader. I’m not comparing what Kavanaugh allegedly did to what Smith absolutely did. Better to be assaulted with an open hand than assaulted with an open zipper, for sure. But their behavior is cut from the same cloth. It’s a material known as distorted self-exceptionalism.

The difference lies mostly that Kavanaugh never apologized. And up until twenty-four hours after the slap, Smith didn’t either. Oh, he apologized to his pals and the bosses at the Academy, but not to the person he owed the apology to—Chris Rock. Until he found the calm or the time to do so via Instagram. You know, the way adults apologize.

Will Smith is an overrated Oscar-winning actor. His wife has a non-life-threatening, but unfortunate, condition. They both take themselves too seriously and that was on display at the Oscars the other night. And because of it, Chris Rock took a slap to the face, and we got to see Will Smith audition for the Brett Kavanaugh biopic.

We’ll see if the Academy nominates him for it.

[iris-westallen1]

The Happiest Day Of Our Life

‘’Well today was the worst day ever’’ iris said as she dove right on the couch. Barry just sat there staring at his beautiful wife so mesmerized he didn’t even realize she was talking to him but he couldn’t help it he was married to the most gorgeous woman on the planet he still doesn’t know how he got this lucky to have her in his life… ‘’ BARRY!!’’ he was immediately withdrawn from his thought blushing and rubbing his neck a habit he had formed since he was little.    ‘’ are you even listening to me’’ iris said with a slightly annoyed face mixed with concern.

‘’ sorry honey but it’s your fault I wasn’t paying attention’’ Barry cheekily replied.

‘Look at him looking so smug with that cocky smile ugh I could just slap him and fuck him at the same time, gosh why is he so hot making my ovaries explode’’ iris thought to herself.

‘’ you know honey cocky is not a good look on you’’ said a smiling iris

‘’oh, you love it and me’’

‘’ well, I supposed that is true’’ iris slaps his knee as she get’s up from where she was laying on the couch to come snuggle into Barry’s side ‘’ hmmm I missed you today’’ iris said as she coos into Barry

‘’ babe I am sorry your day didn’t go as you wanted it to.’’ Barry strokes her arm and side ‘’ do you want to tell me what was going on’’

‘’ I know it might sound petty or whatever but its team citizen if I can even call it that Kamilla’s gone and Allegra she’s never there she’s always at star labs and I get that she ha powers and whatever but I would like her to take her job more seriously and not for her personal gain, I feel bad for what happened to her cousin I seriously geniounly do but the only time you hear her talk about the citizen is if she needs something from us and its making me seriously regret promoting her.’’ Iris took a deep breath she knows how this might sound and it might just be her hormones but she is seriously tired of Allegra’s behavior.

Barry saw how distressed his wife was about this so he decided not to say anything until she has gotten it all out her chest.

After taking a deep breath iris continued ‘’ so today I was in the office getting ready to go investigate karma, Kramer whatever the fuck her name is and I find myself missing and employee so I called her just to learn she is hanging around frost and Caitlin for what reason I do not know I’m her mentor not them I’m not paying her to hang out with them and I was just like you know what its fine so I just left her and went about my way to go investigate Kramer in doing that surprise surprise my dad is investigating her with Cecil when I was the one who brought this case to him and he brushed me off like it was nothing. And that’s another thing I am so fed up with my dad.’’ At this point iris is bawling her eyes and all Barry wants to do it take that pain away from her.

‘’ my dad hasn’t been acting like my dad for a while now and it took me getting stuck in a mirror to realize it. You know he never once asked me how I was doing when I came out of the mirror, he just brushed it aside like I wasn’t gone for 3 months he could at least show some emotions.’’ Her voice was cracking at this point ‘’ h- ho- how I- is it * sniff sniff* that his more of a father to you than he is to meeeeeeee’’ her chest and shoulder moving frantically.

Barry finally goes in soothing her ‘’ I am so so sorry you feel this way, how long have you been holding this in and I didn’t even notice, I am so sorry baby, just let it all out’’ Barry said as he rubs his hands in soothing circles on her back ‘’ just let it out I’m here’’

When she is calm enough she continues ‘’ I just feel so neglected as a daughter by him and Cecil Cecil doesn’t even try to bond with me, she’s been with my dad for so long and I don’t even know anything about her and when we do talk she always uses her powers to invade my privacy and when she does that she can’t even be subtle about it she always has to my extra and do to much’’ by this time iris is finished crying now what she feels is rage towards these people. ‘’ she is literally everywhere when there was still  a team citizen was still a thing she became our ‘lawyer’ and no one even asked her to no offence to her but she suck as a lawyer’’ Barry starts laughing and nodding his head because it the truth. ‘’ I’m serious hahaha but it’s funny though but seriously I don’t even know why we hired her as your lawyer for your trial she couldn’t even win it she had to use ralph pretend to be devoe for her to win and I thought she was the best Caitlin and frost are dumb to hire her as a lawyer she couldn’t even win their case and if she cant win any of our case what is her use at star labs her powers are useless there no offense she could be home with Jenna and speaking of Jenna it sucks that we never see her they never talk about her unless its to say they are talking to their babysitter so instead of her to go take care of her child she’d over here acting like a child and sticking her nose in everyone’s business. I am so sick of her.’’ Barry just sat there looking at iris and after hearing all she said he can’t help but see the truth in what she’s saying, how could he have been so blind to this. As he continues to rub her back iris gathers even more courage to finally let this all off her chest ‘’ after cisco left the one person at star labs besides you I could stand was gone he was my sunshine twin he would always try to cheer me up when we lost Nora and even when I lost you to the speed force he was always there for me and I miss him and I miss Kamilla because she understood me we where becoming close friends before we got stuck in the mirror together and now we have an unbreakable bond because of that experience and now she’s gone too not only did I lose my best worker but I lost my best friend too. All of a sudden Iris seemed to get angrier Barry didn’t know why but his about to.

‘’ Caitlin and frost’’ she said their names with as much annoyance as she could muster up ‘’ they are the biggest entitled people I have ever met before frost was a thing it was the way Caitlin always looked at me like I was beneath her or something like she couldn’t get rid of me fast enough then frost came and bitch tried to kill me because she wanted dick and some other issues I had never did anything to her never spoke to her but all of a sudden she wants to kill me why I have no idea and what pisses me of is the way we just forgive her just because she did the right thing in the end and blasted Savitar she came to h.r funeral and she left to go find herself or whatever you went into the speed force and she abandoned me, Wally, cisco, and dad to fend of the bad guys on our own. Then Caitlin came up in her in her high horse to bring you out of the speed force like she’s been here all along, then she lost frost with the whole devoe thing Caitlin literally put your life and gypsy’s life in danger all because she wanted frost back and despite my better judgment I went up to her during the baby shower we threw for Cecile to offer up my help to find the bitch frost for her and she was just snarky with me saying no she will find her I just gave up on that hoe what still confusing is how she can perform all this surgery’s she’s doing since she hasn’t done them since med school like isn’t she a bio scientist or whatever like how did she become team doctor she literally has no experience in that field all she does is just stitch you up with pretty much all of us can do now and she acts like she has the most important job there dragging Allegra and Cecile along with her.’’ Iris shakes her head ‘’ you know what’s do funny’’ iris asked Barry ‘’ what’’ Barry genuinely curious ‘’ that whole frost trial and how Caitlin was like we have to get her out she’s my sister, since when though, anyways they arrested frost for a crime that she actually committed its not like she didn’t commit them she literally tried to kill me and she wanted her to go Scot free when you went to prison for a crime you actually didn’t commit it just pissed me of and instead of dumb bitch to just take the cure she volunteered her self for life in prison thinking she was doing sum, I might not like Kramer but what she did to frost was not a bad thing she all she did was try to make frost take responsibility for her actions. But she never does like always she literally gets out of prison after like two days.’’

‘’ and another thing that pisses me off is the way they treat Chester that boy is so sweet and deserves to be treated with kindness so that why it irritates and makes me so angry to hear that Caitlin was yelling at him for getting hit even sue warned Allegra not to pursue after her cousin but she did anyways and brought her to star labs without our permission knowing she’s a dangerous criminal when her and Allegra get into it she blast Chester who was just there to bring them snacks and somehow Caitlin made it Chester’s fault? Like how does that even make sense. I am just sick and tired of all of this. I am supposed to be happy right now basking in love with my husband trying to conceive our daughter and we can’t even have the privacy of knowing if were pregnant or not because of Cecile invading your thoughts once again the negative result you got was meant to be shared with me not her and I know this is wrong but I am glad that the test came negative because it would be so unfair of her to know that I am pregnant before I know all because she’s nosy.’’ Iris finally finished her rant with a deep breath, she looks up at Barry and all she finds in his eyes are adoration, understanding, anger, disappointment, and love.

‘’what?’’ iris asked

‘’ you are the strongest person that I know’’ Barry whispers to her ‘’I don’t know how you let this in for this long because one thing I know for sure is that I certainly would have burst long ago.’’

‘’ I am so sorry that you’ve had to keep this all in for this long’’ Barry said caressing her cheeks ‘’ and I’m sorry If you felt like you couldn’t tell me, thank you for bringing it to my attention and after listening to you things need to change for one our personal life needs to stop being discussed at star labs where everyone can hear and the second is that Caitlin needs to not be our doctor and she is certainly not going to be delivering our baby and most importantly we need to set boundaries for Cecile’’

‘’ thank you, babe, for listening to me and letting me get this rant of my chest, I feel so much lighter.’’

‘’ its my job iris there is no need to thank me I will always be on your side ALWAYS.’’

[wastelander997]

Ideas for a Star Fox movie (long post)

Long post ahead but, like the title says, here's some of my personal ideas for a Star Fox movie

-We start the movie with Andross working in his laboratory at Cornaria, soon realizing he's... not all there. We see him mess around with globe, crushing it a bit in his hands. He wants the world, no, the galaxy to pay for something but we don't know what yet (his wife died due to the cornarian government being moronic and he wants to take it out on everyone and everything, but that's revealed much later)

- We cut to Fox as a kid. It's nice and peaceful at first, with James playing with his son in their backyard while Peppy and Pigma are there. Fox's mom goes to the car to go to the store, but Fox forgot to give his mom a bracelet he made for her. He runs up to give it to her before she can leave... and the car blows the fuck up, killing Fox's mom instantly and probably traumatizing Fox for life. At this point, Andross makes his move, shooting up his lab with a laser pistol and trying to make his escape. Andross realizes the car bomb meant for James killed Fox's mom instead. James tries to take Andross out, but Andross manages to escape by shooting at James, managing to scrape his face and blinding him in one eye. Andross escapes while James comforts his son, Peppy and Pigma not exactly sure what to make of this scenario.

- Cut to years later, Fox is joining the cornarian academy in his father's footsteps, and sees his dad and his crew off on their mission to stop a corrupted Andross. We follow James, Pigma and Peppy until they get to Andross, where Pigma betrays them. He shoots Peppy just enough that he can't control his ship and ends up floating away, watching helplessly and calling for backup as James McCloud is brutally murdered by Andross. Help arrives in time to save Peppy, but it's too late for James.

-Fox... takes the news pretty hard. After a long while of mourning and a heroes funeral for James, where Peppy tries his best to comfort Fox, Fox demands that the government do something about Andross. Because its the government, though, they don't do anything because, to them, it's just one soldier. They're training a thousand more... or 999 more, as Fox gets kicked out when he attacks one of the government officials. Nothing too violent, just a good hard deck across the schnozz. This act catches the attention of Falco Lombardi and Slippy Toad.

- Falco and Slippy were both dropouts, Slippy because he wasn't the best flyer and a bit of a coward (even if he was a great mechanic) and Falco because he was too hot headed and headstrong, not following orders well, even if he was arguably the best pilot around.

- Fox, Falco, Slippy and Peppy end up journeying on their own for several years, establishing themselves as a mercenary service, until they find General Pepper (an old friend of Peppy's), who's ready to go to war with Andross. Just hearing Andross's name is enough to make Fox almost snap then and there, so he offers their services. Pepper's like "why should I except help from a bunch of drop outs?" But Peppy manages to convince Pepper by telling them about the team's accomplishments, and Fox's legacy.

- Pepper gives them the Great Fox, which is in pretty bad shape, and so is Rob 64. Star Fox wants a better ship, but Pepper says that this is the only ship he can trust Star Fox, as they're mercenaries for hire. Slippy is actually excited, just because of Rob, who he slowly rebuilds throughout the movie.

- This is where the crew finds the arwings, which are hidden in the cargo bay. The four look over the ships and realize they're excellently crafted for flight, maneuverability and combat. So, with a montage set to a remix of the Cornaria theme from Star Fox SNES, the four rebuild and revamp the arwings using supplies found around the Great Fox.

- Meanwhile, Star Wolf is offered work by Andross, which they accept cause it's good money. But Wolf and Leon don't know that Pigma betrayed James McCloud and Andross killed him, believing he died in a random fire fight (Wolf was James's rival before his demise, and holds a certain guilt that they never got a proper one on one duel. He and Leon are value loyalty above all else. )

- For the most part the movie is sort of a scavenger hunt, flying around and slowly uncovering Andross's plan, which is to use a satellite on Planet Venom to control everyone in the galaxy, and make them all his slaves, so no one can ever act irrationally again. No passion, no heart, anything. He essentially wants to make the galaxy full of emotionless robots.

-During the scavenger hunt portion, Star Fox proves their worth by helping Bill Grey (Fox's friend/roommate who actually graduated the academy) and the rest of the cornarian army defend Planet Katina from a massive attack by Andross's, and helps Katt Monroe (someone who wasn't part of the academy, but was friends with Falco and they meet outside curfew to just hang out) sneak through Planet Zoness when she says she has info on Andross's plan, which is how they both find out his plan and why he went insane and wants to destroy everything. (The wife story I mentioned WAY at the beginning of this)

- Fox puts on a content face and is normally the most level headed one in the crew. But when Andross contacts them before going to Venom, Fox (justifiably) loses his shit. The only other time he gets this mad (aside from the government fiasco) is their first encounter with Star Wolf on Planet Fichina earlier in the movie, where Star Fox actually loses because Fox gets filled with rage as Pigma taunts him, saying things like "Your father died squealing like a baby!". Fox loses his mind and tries to just fuckin obliterate Pigma, but he gets outsmarted and defeated by Star Wolf. The only reason Fox survives is because Falco and Peppy save him.

- The final battle begins on Planet Venom, with Star Fox, Bill, Kat, and a good chunk of the cornarian army doing a full frontal assault. It all goes smoothly, the Great Fox even helping out when things get really hairy, until they eventually reach where Andross plans to launch the satellite. They're ready to take it out, when Star Wolf attacks.

- When Wolf and Leon find out Pigma is a traitor and realized Andrew is obviously siding with Andross, they take matters into their own hands. During their final fight with the Star Fox crew, Leon and Wolf end up bailing on Andrew and Pigma, leading to those two getting killed by Slippy and Peppy respectively. Then Wolf challenges Fox to a one on one duel, the fight he never got with his father. Fox wins the duel, and Falco ends up destroying Andross's main satellite.

- They all begin to leave, but Fox hears his father tell him it's not over. As long as Andross is alive, he'll try again. So Fox does the only thing he can. He says he'll go it alone from here, going into Andross's base and letting the exit get sealed behind him.

-Andross, despite starting as a normal, if deranged, scientist, did an experiment to merge himself with his ship, giving him control with a thought. Unfortunately this proves to be harmful, over the movie he fuses with it, and that's how he becomes the giant monkey head and floating hands we know, which Fox sees as he flys in.

- Andross: "YOU WANT REVENGE, JUST AS I DO! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE TO KILL ME!!!

Fox: "... I thought that was it. I really did... but no, Andross. I'm here to save the galaxy (goes into all range mode) killing you is just a nice bonus.

- Because the fights in a big circular arena, Andross tears the tiles off the wall and throws them at Fox, as a nod to his SNES days.

- During their fight, Fox and Andross talk about revenge, and how Andross let it turn him into a monster, while Fox just let it power his resolve all the more.

Fox: "and if there's one thing I can thank you for Andross... *he barrel rolls in front of Andross with fully charged up blasters* it's showing me what I will NEVER turn into." *and he blasts Andross on the face*

- Andross is a bitch though and pulls the self destruct technique, and it plays out like the ending to Star Fox 64, with Fox getting caught in the exploration, but seeing the ghost of his father and following it out. James goes on about how he and Fox's mom are so proud of him, and that he's become so strong. Fox sheds some manly tears here for good measure.

- Fox escapes and, again, it plays put like the ending to 64. Only a bit bigger, as EVERYONE was there to witness Fox save the entire galaxy. His crew, Pepper and his forces, Bill and Kat, even Star Wolf (all two members that remain) watch from the shadows with approval.

- The film would end with Pepper offering Fox a spot in the army, but Fox says they prefer to fly solo. Pepper, grateful for their services, gifts them the Great Fox and the Arwings regardless. The Star Fox team runs off, ending the film.

- There's a post credits scene. If you want, there could be two, one to set up a smash bros movie and this one, which I'd have in there just as a joke. Pepper goes back to his office to relax, only to realize Star Fox left the bill for their services. He opens it, practically has a heart attack, and faints.

So... there ya go. What do you guys think? Good? Bad? Would you watch it or burn it? Let me know, please.

Until next time, see ya'll later.

[atamascolily]

lily watches fma:b, eps. 42-47

In which the Briggs arc goes out with a bang, and I have flashbacks to the “Day of Black Sun” from Avatar: the Last Airbender.

Okay, Al is basically still May's age on the inside, lol. i love those two.

hawkeye reduced to serving tea for Bradley makes me so damn mad.

but bradley is in love with his (human) wife so there’s that.

kimblee double-crossed the drachma dudes? how completely in character.

one of the chimeras betrays Scar's group and brings in Envy. I was hoping he'd be relevant again!! turns out it was a trap and the chimera isn't actually evil again.

so envy uses the philosopher's stone to power his shapeshifting?? sure looks like it.

apparently marcoh has been mixing alkahestry into his work and it's awesome. the ice sculpture in a middle finger is a nice touch.

oh, no, may's hiding out doing action at a distance and envy has no clue. GO TEAM.

okay, marcoh denatures envy down to a little bug form which is simultaneously cute and disturbing. Yoki messes with it at his peril. I love how envy accidentally takes the wrong hostage if he wants people to care about his victim's fate.  

Scar is inspired by Miles to change Amestris from the inside instead of just killing people, so... that's good, I guess?

scar gives may envy in a jar and tells her go home, which seems LIKE SUCH A BAD IDEA ON SO MANY LEVELS

(like, I get that they did this so May could save her clan--which clearly hit of Scar's buttons--does no one even bother to think this through...?)

(the last time an emperor tried to get immortality was Xerxes and THAT worked out so well, so... *cue 'The Genocide Song' from Trigun*)

Anyway, I predict this will not end well.

Meanwhile, one of Greed's chimera buddies, Bido, survived, and learns that the military is searching for Izumi and Sig, but they're on the lam. He follows them back to base when he realizes they're from Bradley; he wants revenge for Wrath killing his boss.

(i love u bido you adorable little rat.)

(also, the fact that the original!Greed was like, "fuck u, I make my own rules" and ran away from Father's schemes with his misfit friends just warms my heart.)

There are only three rules for state alchemists: "don't interfere with the military,""don't make people," and "don't make gold",LOL.

It's so funny to me that the gold thing is included, even though I don't understand how you can MAKE gold with alchemy if gold is a single independent element and you are bound by the laws of equivalent exchange. but whatever, it's still really freakin' funny to me that they don't want State Alchemists fucking up the economy with their magic chemistry powers.

anyway, turns out they don't also want people growing their own armies in the basement - that's what THEY'RE DOING. quoth olivier: fuck.

(fun fact: an RPG character of mine playing a necromancer in a urban fantasy setting did EXACTLY THIS and it was awesome)

somehow, al and winry get to liore (again, DISTANCE? Time??) and "Mr. Ho" is working for Rose's food stand.

And he's all, "oh, I heard about how you lost your body, lol" and then...literally walks off.

(the sad thing is that Hohenheim is literally NOT the worst father in this show - that award goes to Shou Tucker.)

Bido discovers the Zombie Meat Locker, then runs into Greedling... who doesn't remember him until AFTER he stabs him, sob. rip bido.

Winry takes a bath, because fanservice, and she and Rose talk... and it does not pass the Bechdel test, sigh.

there's a "Banks Bank" in Briggs, lol

I wish I could get my glasses to do the opacity thing on command.

Ling yells at Greed for being a jerk and Greed decides to try and kill Wrath because that worked SO WELL last time...(at least he managed to shield from Bradley's signature move this time)

The Armstrong patriarch makes Olivier and Alex fight over who gets to be head of the family, lol. Then he just walks out and starts acting like Olivier won the fight, which she does.

turns out it's to keep the military from taking them all hostage for Olivier's good behavior. She's really good at this.

Envy tricks May into going back to Central, sigh.

Ling regains control of his body long enough to run into Ed and explain before Greed takes over again

they're really laying out the whole "Seven deadly sins as a personal flaw" thing on thick, aren't they?

Greed just wants to be left alone, but agrees to team up if Ed works for him, lol.

Izumi proudly declaring herself to be a housewife as she kicks ass gives me life

the phone chain here is pretty impressive, although grumman loses major points for sexually harassing Rebecca

apparently, Father has to wait for the stars/planets/sun to align in order to do his Evil Alchemy - it's referred to as "the Promised Day" and I'm having flashbacks to the "Day of Black Sun" from Avatar: The Last Airbender (though I think it's supposed to be more like Sozin's comet?).

TIME SKIP! It's spring in Resembool for the sheep festival. Winry is smuggled home and finds Ed in her bedroom - right as she's about to undress. Hijinks ensue.

anyway, Ed and Greed are hanging with Pinako. Ed gets his automail serviced and Winry ups the stakes by refusing to run away in case things go wrong.

she is specifically ordered to stay at home and bake a pie while the men go out to battle, sigh.

meanwhile, greed approves of winry's desire to "have it all" (i.e, victory against Father AND Ed and Al getting their bodies back on the Promised Day) and Ed is Not Amused.

(i love greed so much, he is definitely the #BestHomunculus in this version.)

Scar has been gathering the Ishvalans to help save Amestris and thereby win acceptance back

Grumman calling the Fuhrer "Bradley-chan" is hilarious, full stop.

Al's body keeps calling his spirit back but I'm not sure why it's only been a problem recently, given the gap between its loss and the present day.

we're now up to the "day before the promised day" which means that from now until the end (ep. 64) is likely to take place in 48 hours (plus whatever resolution awaits at the end in 64). yowza.

unfortunately, bradley appears to be on to Team Good's elaborate plan, but it's unclear if Team Good wants it that way or not.

okay, it’s intentional, they blew up the train, but I'm pretty sure Bradley's not dead

(why is grumman narrating the "previously on" intro, tho)

The first thing Ed does when he sees Hohenheim is punch him in the face, #bless.

Hohenheim offers to use his stone to bring back his sons' bodies... which means he COULD have fixed Izumi earlier, but didn't. fuck you, hohenheim.

okay, so it really is "the Day of Black Sun after all" - WHY DOES AN ECLIPSE MAKE ALCHEMY WORK BETTER, PLEASE EXPLAIN.

(he does not explain)

hohenheim asks if ed will help with the plan, lol, what exactly is the plan here, very cryptic of u

I can't believe Pinako asked Ed to tell Hohenheim Trisha's last words. Like, that was her job. She TALKED TO HIM HERSELF EARLIER IN THE SHOW. WHy the fuck did she make ED do it?

hohenheim cries when he learns that trisha said "sorry, I couldn't keep my promise. I'm dying first." AS WELL HE SHOULD, THE FUCKER.

ed buys red cloth and uses it to make his flamel jacket again I'M HOWLING

Al pops out of the bushes unexpectedly and Ling takes over Greed shouting about how his homunculus sense is tingling... I hope Greed doesn't die, but I'm not holding my breath

ed wins by knocking out all the lights, extinguishing the shadows... because pride can only exist in with some light, not full dark? I don't get why shadows work but not dark, despite greed specifically saying “you can’t have shadows without light”. DARK IS DARK, isn’t it?

grumman goes to look for bradley's body,but it's unclear if he's using his allies as a means to take over the country later or if that’s miles’ paranoia

GREED AND LING WORK TOGETHER TO FIGHT GLUTTONY AWWW YEAH

AND THEN LAN FAN SHOWS UP WITH HER BADASS NEW ARM AND SAVES THEM BOTH

(way to level up, Lan Fan!!)

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 25

Warnings: mentions of PTSD, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, alcoholism, drug addiction (pain medication)

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​

Kyle arrives shortly before eleven; shirt untucked and wrinkled, carrying his shoes in his hands as he takes the beach back instead of the street.  

From where he stands at the kitchen table braiding Millie’s hair, Tyler can see him as he stands by the side of the pool; cheerfully greeting the twins and Ovi –with Declan in his arms- as they splash around. It’s trouble waiting to happen; whatever is going on between Kyle and the neighbor. As angry and annoyed as he is at Nik for years of drama and issues she’s tried to cause in his own relationship, she doesn't deserve to be treated like that. No woman does. Why cheat when you can just cut ties and do things the right way? There are no kids involved, no worrying about visitation schedules or child support or the long-lasting effects of a broken home. Whatever is going on, it won’t help well for anyone involved. Nik will be hurt and jilted, and she’ll end up on his doorstep. And that’s the last damn thing he wants OR needs.

“Where have you been?” Millie inquires, as Kyle wanders into the house. “And why do you look like shit?”

“Amelia...” Tyler frowns. “...what was the one rule for today?”

She sighs dramatically. “No bad words. But it’s true. He does look like shit.”

“Busy night?” Tyler asks his brother in law; hands working at twining and twisting his daughter’s thick hair together.

It’s a far cry from what his hands used to do, when they were primarily used for inflicting pain and punishment on others. When his knuckles would be torn apart; broken, bleeding, swollen. And as he gently drags the brush through Millie’s hair, he finds himself horrified that he’s even thinking about the job.  That his brain is playing the ‘then versus now’ game while his own flesh and blood sits in front of him; his ‘rainbow baby’ as Esme calls her. The very life that he’d help created while on the job. That had kept him going on the darkest and most trying of days.

He tries to fight it. That urge to get back into things. That powerful craving for something more. The intensity and the exhilaration.  Even the danger.

“Ow!” Millie cries, and tilts her head back to look up at him, fixing him with a furious glare. “That hurt! Why’d you pull my hair so hard?!

Fuck. He’s losing it. Or at least he feels like he is. First Ovi with his ‘wanting to try his hand at the job’ bullshit and then the reappearance of Nik in his life and the fucking nightmares and the incessant and desperate cravings for the Oxy and the booze. Now THIS. The reminiscing and the longing for his former life. This is not what he wanted. This is FAR from what he’d wanted. When he’d had his mental breakdown and walked away from New Zealand, he’d been determined to leave it all behind, the blood, the violence, the danger, the death. Content to be ‘normal’. More than happy to finally settle down and enjoy his role as a husband and a father. He wants to be the man they need. The man they want him to be. The man they deserve to have.

Now he’s slipping. All of his control, all of his willpower, all of his strength and his confidence. All abandoning him. Threatening to turn him back int the old Tyler; the one that couldn’t function without the booze and the pills. The one that willingly put his life on the line and took on whatever suicide mission he could; praying one day he’d catch a bullet and his miserable existence would be over.  

And he knows if he goes there...if he follows that path...this one will be lost to him forever.

“That hurt!” Millie pouts. “Why’d you do that?!”

“I didn’t mean to,” he attempts a lame apology. “I didn’t realize I was holding it that hard. I’m sorry,” he presses a kiss to the top of her head; right on the spot that she’s been gently rubbing.  He turns his attention back to the task at home, but finds his hands are now trembling; shaking with an intensity that both surprises and terrifies him, and he lets the brush fall to the table with a loud clatter. “Why don’t you go and get your mom to finish up,” he suggests, nervously wringing his hands together, tightly squeezing one, then the other; anxious for the tremors to stop. “She does a better job than I do.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Millie scoffs. “And she’s busy. With Addie.”

“I’m sure she’s got some time to finish your hair.”  Tyler sees the way Kyle is watching him; the way his head is cocked to the side and his are both curious and concerned. And he quickly shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Go ask.”

“I don’t want to,” his daughter argues. “I want you to do it. I want...”

“Amelia!” he snaps, harsher than he’d intended. “I said go and ask your mom!”

She blinks, then her mouth settles into a firm, grim line and tears glisten in her eyes. The guilt hits him immediately. She shouldn’t be the one paying the price for his issues; she doesn’t deserve to face the consequences of his burdens and his demons. She’s just a kid. A baby still. Innocent and pure. And none of this bullshit is her fault.

“Millie...I’m sorry...” he attempts to make amends as she shoves her chair backwards and springs to her feet.  “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I didn’t mean to...”

“Leave me alone!” she bellows, then stomps out of the room, both her angry, pounding footsteps and her sobs seeming to thunder through the house.

“Fuck me...” Tyler mutters, and rakes his hands through his hair and runs a palm down his face. The cravings are back; that crippling need for alcohol. Or the meds. Maybe even both.

“What the hell, man?” Kyle scowls. “That’s your fucking kid. Why talk to her like that?”

Tyler fixes him with a cold, harsh stare. “You need to mind your own fucking business.”

“That’s my niece. My sister is her mother. That makes Millie my business.”

“You don’t even have kids. Until you do, keep your mouth shut about mine. You don’t know what it’s like. This life. Being a dad.”

“I know that wasn’t you. That you’re not that kind of dad. The one that snaps on his kids. You’re usually the calm one. Patience of a saint. So what the fuck?”

Tyler sighs, hands on his hips as he briefly closes his eyes. There’s going to be hell to pay: a pissed off wife and a hurt, angry little girl. Kyle’s right. He IS usually the calm and patient one; he can count on one hand the amount of times he’s lost it on the kids. But his nerves are shot; the last remaining shred of sanity feeling as if it’s barely hanging on.

“You okay?” Kyle asks. “What was that with your hands? The shaking.”

“It’s the meds,” Tyler lies. “One of the side effects.”  

His hands used to twitch and move in his sleep; to the point it would wake Esme up.  She’d said it was like he was back on the battlefields in the Middle East or still on the job; hands and fingers going through the motions of handling a handgun or a rifle, loading magazines, pulling the trigger.  There are times it STILL happens. He can be completely relaxed while lying in bed or sitting on the couch or lounging on the beach and his right index finger moves on its own accord.  And he actually has to focus and concentrate on making it stop.  

“Haven’t you been on those for years?” his brother in law inquires. “If you’re still having side effects after this long, I’d get your ass to a doctor."

Tyler’s annoyed. On edge. And it causes him to immediately lash out. “Shouldn’t you still be out fucking the neighbor?”

Kyle smirks. “So now you’re going take your shit out on me? I may not be able to take you, but it won’t stop me from trying to kick your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Tyler retorts. “Why are you even here?”

“Esme called me. Asked if I’d help Ovi with the kids while you guys went out for a while.”

“I don’t mean that. I mean why are you HERE? In Australia.”

“I’m here to see my sister. And my nieces and nephews. I don’t get to do that very much since you decided to just pack them up and move them to the other side of the goddamn world.”

Tyler scoffs. “Don’t start that shit with me. I didn’t force your sister to come here. I didn’t put a gun to her head or give her some kind of ultimatum. We decided this together. She was the one who suggested it.”

“Same way she suggested it the first time?”

He frowns. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m talking about when she decided to give up her entire life to stay here. For some guy she’d just met.”

“She gave up a life?” Tyler gives a dry laugh. “What life? A mother that’s treated her like shit for nearly her entire life? Who stayed friends with an ex-husband that that used to beat her and force himself on her? You mean THAT life? She had no fucking life.”

“And you gave her one?” Kyle challenges. “Some guy that saw her as nothing more than an easy fuck and spent five days taking advantage of that in some shit hole motel in Bangladesh. Who probably wasn’t even going to bother with her once he got out of there?”

“You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about. You have no idea what went down between me and Esme. Just what you want to believe. Or what mommy dearest put into your goddamn head.  I had every intention of continuing things with her. We had all kinds of plans; for what we were going to do after Dhaka. But we never got that chance, did we.”

“Yeah, how convenient,” Kyle snorts. “Things go completely to hell, she ends up staying here to play nursemaid to some guy she barely knew, finds out she’s knocked up...”

“Don’t talk about my wife or my kid like that,” Tyler interjects. “Don’t EVER talk about them like that.”

“And then you decide to do the right thing,” his brother in law continues. “The honorable thing. I’ll give you that much; you stepped up at least. You didn’t leave her alone and pregnant and make her a single mom.”

“Is that what you think I did? That I ‘stepped up’ and married her because of Millie? I married her because I loved her. And I stick around because I still love her. Because I’ll always love her.”

“Or because you’re too far in it now. Five kids make it pretty damn hard to walk away. Or is it your way of keeping HER from walking away? I mean, what better way to keep her around? Keep putting kids in her, keep her barefoot and pregnant...”

Tyler takes a step towards him; nostrils flaring, fists clenched at his sides. “You’re way out of fucking line, mate. Neither of us are stuck here. Either of us could walk away if we wanted to.”

“What mother is going to leave her kids? Tell me on mother who would do that. I’ll wait.”

“You think she sticks around because she feels like she has no other choice? Are you listening to yourself right now? You have no fucking clue what things are like between me and Esme. I stay because I love her. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I know...beyond the shadow of a fucking doubt...that she stays for the same reason. So fuck off with your bullshit. This is my house. You’re a guest here. So don’t walk in here like you own the place and start shit talking me. Or my wife. Or my kids. Because I will put you on your ass.”

“You threaten her like that, too? Is that how you keep her here? Scare her into being a perfect little submissive housewife? Does it make you feel like a big man picking on a little thing like her?”

Tyler’s nostrils flare once more; fists tightening so hard that the wounds on his knuckles -that he’s gained while working the heavy bag in the gym so hard- actually crack and begin to bleed. He feels how tense his shoulders are, how tight his jaw is clenched. And he knows Kyle is one more word...one more breath...away from getting himself into a situation he can’t possibly handle.

****

“That’s enough!”  Esme snaps from the doorway; holding a despondent Millie on her hip. The soon to be six-year-old is long and lanky; legs dangling well past her mother’s knees, toes almost touching her shins. “Kyle...what the hell...?”

“We were just having a discussion,” her brother says. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Bullshit. I was in the hallway. I heard almost all of your little discussion. How fucking dare you.”

“Mommy...” Millie mutters into her neck.  “...bad language.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Esme lays a hand on her daughter’s head and presses a kiss to her brow. “Do you think you could go outside for a little bit? Just for a few minutes. Mommy has some things to say and she doesn’t think you should hear them. Can you do that for me? Please?”

Millie nods.  

“Just for a few minutes,” her mother assures her, as she places her on the ground and then holds her face in her hands, pecking her lips. “And say out of the sand. You don’t want mess your dress up before grandpa gets to see it, okay?”

“Okay,” Millie agrees, and then sidestep her father’s hand when he reaches out for her. “No daddy. I’m still mad. I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.”

“Wow...” Kyle comments, as his niece stomps from the room and throws the patio door open –and slams it closed- with enough force to rattle the glass pane. “Six-ish going on sixteen-ish. Wonder where she gets THAT attitude from.”

“First off, fuck you Kyle,” Esme snaps. “Fuck you and your self-righteous, mom like bullshit. Coming here and thinking you can say the shit I heard come out of your mouth.”

“What I said? You know what he said?” he gestures towards Tyler. “To his own kid?! How he made her cry?”

“Oh, she told me all about that. And believe me, Tyler is going to catch shit for it, and he knows it. When we’re alone and we don’t have nosey, judgmental assholes all up in our shit. It’s none of your goddamn business what goes on around here.”

“You’re my sister,” Kyle argue. “That makes it my business.”

“Like hell it does! I’m a grown ass woman. With children. So treat me like one. And second of all, fuck you again. For talking about me like you were. Never mind that, for talking to my husband like you were. Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Did you hear anything he said? Or just me?”

“He was defending me. Defending US. Don’t try throwing Tyler under the bus when I heard nearly every goddamn word.  An easy fuck? That's how you see your own sister?”

He sighs. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that...”

“Tyler didn’t take advantage of me. Not in the slightest. We were two consenting adult and we wanted to fuck each other so we did. What we did during those five days has no bearing on you. None whatsoever. You have no clue what went on. The things we talked about. The plans we made. And we had them. Plans. To get to know one another the right way. To travel and to spend time learning about one another. But we never got that chance.”

“Esme...I....”

“You weren’t in Dhaka,” she continues, and wanders over to the sink; dampening the dish cloth and offering it to Tyler; so he can clean the open wounds on his knuckles.  And he accepts it with a small, grateful smile and leans back against the island. “We were. You weren’t on that bridge You have no idea how bad things were and how bad things got and how worse they could have been. So keep your goddamn mouth shut about Dhaka.”

“All I was trying to say was...”

“I’m talking now, Kyle. It’s my turn. You’re in my house. And you will not disrespect me and you sure as hell will not disrespect the father of my kids. I stayed here after Dhaka because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be with Tyler. Because he needed someone to be there for him. Because busted his ass to get me out that god awful shitty mess and the least I could do was stick around and make sure he didn’t die alone. Because he almost did. Not just on that bridge, either. I stayed because I wanted to. Simple as that.”

“Fine,” Kyle throws his hands up in exasperation, and moves towards the patio door. “You did what YOU wanted. You didn’t care about the people you left behind. You were immature and selfish and...”

“You don’t get to walk away from me,” Esme steps in front of him. “You got yourself into this mess, you’re going stick with it until the bitter end. You come in here and talk shit? Well now you’re going to get it right back. I had a shitty ex-husband who liked to rape and beat on women and a narcissistic bitch of a mother and older brothers with their heads so far up her ass....”

“Baby...”  Tyler steps forward, using his shoulder to shove Kyle out of the way so he can stand in front of her; hand settling on her hip. “...settle down, okay? Just stay calm. I know you’re pissed...”

She ignores him. “I made a life for myself in Australia,” she informs her brother. “I became a wife and a mother and I’m sorry if you think that’s selfish of me for choosing that over my shitty existence in Colorado. And selfish? Because I did what I wanted for a change instead of what everyone else expected of me? That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re just upset I’m not under your thumb anymore. That’s all you’re pissed about. You and mom.”

“You’re going to resort to shit talking her? She’s practically on her death bed and you’re going to stoop that low?”

“I don’t give a shit about her. The second she wished death on my husband...the father of her grandchildren...it was over between us. She’s not my mother, Kyle. She hasn’t been my mother in years. Maybe she never was. And I don’t care that she’s dying. Maybe it’s karma. Maybe she finally is getting what she deserves.”

“Okay...that’s enough...” Tyler gently orders. “...let’s not say shit you know you’re going to regret.”

“It’s too late for that,” she says. “The second my brother opened his goddamn mouth when it comes to things he has no clue about. I’m not trapped here, Kyle. He's not some fucking predator like Mark was. What do you think Tyler’s doing? Hiding my birth control or poking holes in condoms just so he can get me pregnant? That is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot of dumb shit in the past thirty-five years.”

“Baby....stop...this has gone too far...” Tyler’s hands are on the side of her face, thumbs brushing away the tears she hadn’t even realized she was shedding. “...stop, okay? You’ve said enough.”

“He has no clue! Absolutely no clue!”

“I know. And you getting this upset is not going to change that. Just let it go. It’s not worth it; getting this riled up.”

“He has no idea. What we’ve been through. What went down in Dhaka and on that bridge.”

“We don’t need to talk about that. He wasn’t there. He doesn’t know what happened. And he doesn’t need to know. It was almost seven years ago. Let’s not talk about Dhaka.”

“You almost died,” her words manage to come out through choked, angry sobs. “On a dirty fucking sidewalk with my fingers shoved in your neck trying to stop you from bleeding out. You almost died right in front of me.”  

“But I didn’t,” he firmly reminds her. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

“And you almost died in the hospital. During surgery. Twice. And he has the goddamn nerve to act like it was no big deal? That is so fucking disrespectful to you and what you went through and what you still go through.”

“Esme....” Kyle attempts to step around his brother in law but meets resistance. “I’m sorry.  I....”

“Don’t touch her,” Tyler calmly orders. “Don’t even talk to her. You have no clue what’s going on right now.  Stay out of it. I’ve got it under control.”

“You do? Because it doesn’t fucking look like it.”

“Would you just shut the fuck up and go and do something else while I deal with this? You have no clue what she’s talking about or why she’s talking about it.  So back off.”

“She’s my sister! If there’s something I can do for her...”

“Leave her alone. That’s the best thing you can do for her. Leave her alone and let me deal with it. It’s PTSD, you fucking idiot. You can’t just jump in and fix shit. Fuck. Just let me deal with it.”

  This hasn’t happened in months; where the mere mention of Dhaka triggers such a powerful reaction. The last time had been at the therapist’s office, when Esme was asked about her most painful memory of the last ten years. That had led to a full out meltdown complete with hyperventilating and vomiting. After that the therapist had helped them come up with ‘plan of attack’; highlighting the warning signs and how he could either help talk her down before things escalated, or calm things once they got out of control.

“I just want him to leave,” she struggles to draw breath. “Make him leave. Please.”

“He’s just worried about you,” Tyler attempts to reason. “He’s your brother and he loves you and he’s worried about you. Don’t even pay attention to him. Pretend he’s not even here. Pretend it’s just us in the room and no one else.”

“I can see him though,” panic is starting to set in. “I know he’s here.”

“Close your eyes, then,” Tyler cradles her face in his hands and tilts her head up towards him. “Just close your eyes and listen to my voice, okay?”

She nods, her hands coming up to tightly grip his forearms as she allows her eyes to flutter closed. And he presses a kiss to the bridge of her nose and rests his forehead against hers.

“It’s okay, baby...” his voice is quiet, keeping the volume low and the tone steady and soothing. “We’re not in Dhaka anymore. It’s over. It’s all behind us now. We don’t ever have to go back there. We made it out. Both of us. We’re both here. And that’s all that matters. We both made it.”

*****

Within minutes she’s settling; her body ceasing to tremble, her tears stopping, her breathing returning to normal.  And when the crisis has passed, sweat is glistening on her forehead and her skin is a pale, deathly gray.  

He kisses her forehead once more, followed by her lips.  “You okay now? You gonna be alright?”

Nodding, she manages a small smile.

“Go outside and get some air. You’ll feel better. I’ll get you some water and your meds, okay?”

“Okay,” she feebly agrees, and he places his lips against cheek and runs a hand over her hair.  

“Leave her,” he snarls at Kyle, when he attempts to step into her path. “For fuck sake, just leave her alone.”

Kyle backs off, holding his hands up in surrender. Then waits for his sister to step and is out of earshot before speaking again. “What the hell was that?” he asks, as he follows Tyler into further into the kitchen. “Like what the fuck?”

“It happens every so often when she’s stressed about something. Usually it has to do with Dhaka. When some fucking shit for brains brings it up.”

“Jesus Christ,” Kyle mutters. “Was it really that bad?”

Tyler scoffs. “Oh, I don’t know, mate. She had to stick her fingers in my neck so she could pinch a vein off to stop me from bleeding out all over her. What do you think?”

“I guess I didn’t. Think.”

“Yeah no shit. You have no idea what went down over there. Everything she went through. Everything she saw. Especially on that bridge. So do me a favor and don’t bring it up. Ever.”

“I never realized it was THAT bad, I guess.”

“How could you not have realized it? You know I almost fucking died. That she was the one that saved me. She’s your sister. How could you not realize that would have fucked her right up?”  He yanks the fridge open, snagging a bottle of water before shutting the door with his hip, then grabs a prescription bottle from a cupboard near the stove.  “She was dealing with it just fine until all this shit with Ovi started. And let’s not even get into what happened when Nik decided to pop back up.”

“You know she says you guys were fucking, right? Within the last six and a half years. Since you and Esme got married. She told me. That you her and have been hooking up.  Least a dozen times. If not more.”

“She’s full of shit. I haven’t fucking touched her since I met your sister. I wouldn’t cheat on my wife. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a cheater.”

“I’m not saying I believe her. Not in the slightest. I don’t think you would. Fuck around on Esme. I mean you’ve done some shitty things, but I don’t think you’d do THAT.”

“I wouldn’t. Ever. Not even in the six months when we were separated did I even think about cheating on her, let alone actually do it. I’m not crazy. I know what I have. I’m not losing it.”

Kyle nods slowly as he considers Tyler’s words. “I just thought you should know. In case she calls her or shows up trying to cause shit.”

Tyler’s eyes narrow. “What the fuck have you done?”

“What I should have done that night after Esme called Nik out at dinner. I told her it was over That it just wasn’t going to work. That we’re just too different and her career doesn’t exactly leave room for a marriage, let alone a successful one.”

“So it’s done? Totally? You and her?”

“It never should have started in the first place. It was a bitch move. Getting mixed up with someone who tried to ruin my sister’s life.”

Tyler smirks. “You think?”

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad she didn’t. Screw things up with you and Esme. I mean, you can be a real dick, but I know you love her. And I know she’s happy here. That she’s happy with her life. As a wife and a mother.”

“I like to think she is. Happy. And she’s amazing at both. I’m lucky. Even if that’s something I don’t say often enough.”

“It’s all I want for her, you know. To be happy. Especially after all that shit with Mark.”

“We try not to talk about that around here either. And look, no offence, but when I tell you I’m dealing with something...when I say I’ve got things under control...fucking listen to me the next time. Because I live with her. I’ve been living with her for almost seven years now. I’ve been the one with her through all the bullshit and all the hard times. All the nightmares and the panic attacks and the freak outs. I’ve been the one dealing with all of that. You just made shit worse. I would have had her talked down a lot sooner but you just kept escalating shit. When I tell you to back off, just do it.”

“Fair enough,” Kyle agrees.

“You and the neighbor, huh? Is that the real reason you broke things off with Nik?”

Kyle follows him through the kitchen, out into the living room and towards the patio door. “There’s nothing between Salena and I. Nothing serious, anyway. We’re just having a good time.”

Tyler smirks. “You mean your dick’s having a good time.”

Kyle gives a sly grin.

“Mine had a good time last time last night too, so...”

“Jesus Christ,” his brother in law scowls. “That’s my sister.”

“I’ve made five kids with your sister. I think it’s obvious we have sex.”

“Doesn’t mean I want to hear about it. Or think about it.”

“Look...” Tyler pauses, fingers curling around the handle of patio door.  “I don’t know what’s going on with you and the neighbor and I honestly don’t give a shit, but I’m going to be pissed if Nik shows up to cause problems. I don’t need that crap. Esme especially doesn’t need it. We’ve got enough going on without having to put up with her.”

“I told her not to bother you guys. To leave you both out of it.”

“Yeah? And when does Nik ever do what she’s told? You trying to tell her what to do probably just pissed her off even more. I just don’t want that shit here. Around my wife and my kids.”

“Think she’ll call Esme? Tell her the same thing you told me? That you guys were hooking up.”

“She better hope she doesn’t. And you better not say anything to your sister, either. Because it’s not true. I’ve never cheated on her. I never will. So if you don’t keep your mouth shut....”

“Won’t say a word,” Kyle promises. “I don’t understand how it even got this far. Nik wanting on your dick for this long.”

“Well if you saw my dick, you’d understand. I mean, it’s kept your sister around, right?”

Kyle smirks. “So did she catch the feels or something? Nik?”

“Guess so.”

“But you never did.”

“I never saw her as anything more than a boss or a friend. We used to fuck. That’s it. Nothing serious. I never wanted it to be. She never got like this until after Esme and I got together. It pissed her off that we were fucking on the job. And then it pissed her off even more when things went further than that. Guess she thought I’d never settle down.”

“Or if you did, you’d settle down with her.”

“Who knows. Doesn’t matter anyway. I never saw her that way. I never saw anyone that way until your sister came along. I’d already done the marriage thing. Once was enough. I pretty much avoid forming any kind of connection with someone. No one needed to get mixed up in that kind of mess.  Never met a woman that could put with it; the job and everything that came with it. It needed to be someone pretty fucking strong. No one I ever met fit that bill.”

“Weak women need not apply, huh?”

“Pretty much. Then your sister came along and...”  he shrugs. “...I don’t know...here we are.”

“Almost seven years and five kids later,” Kyle concludes. “Think there might be a six?”

“Why are you so hung up on us having another kid? Addie's only three weeks. Still new.”

“Make it a nice even number,” Kyle reasons. “Half a dozen. You haven’t thought about it?”

“A couple times, maybe.”

That’s a lie; over the past three days he’s thought about it at least a few dozen times. But he’s not sure if he actually wants a sixth one, or that the idea of getting dragged back into the unpredictability and the danger of the job makes him feel as if he NEEDS to have another. A way of ‘cementing his legacy’.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to talk your sister into it,” Tyler says. “She already gave in the last two times I changed my mind.”

“This thing that happened...” Kyle gazes out the window, nodding towards where his sister sits at the top of the patio stairs, arms wrapped around her slender form. “...the PTSD or whatever. She’ll be okay, right?”

“She usually is. Takes about a half hour, hour, before she’s back to normal.”

“Will it ever go away? Or is just something she’ll have to learn to live with?”

“It’s pretty damn permanent,” Tyler reluctantly admits.

And he both blames and hates himself for it.

[thoughtsoftheantagonist]

A Song For You

A/N:I know its been a long while but im back. After losing my mother in march then my brother in December of last year it took alot out of me and i had to find a new way to live without them. Thank you all for sticking with me and i hope you enjoy. alot of other things to come as well. 

To catch up my A Song For You  Masterlist is right HERE

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Juan's Pov

There are many things he has learned in his life, most recently he has learned how to be a man, and how to love a woman like his wife. Strong and wild as a hurricane he remembers one of the best pieces of advice he had gotten the day of his wedding. As his best man Chibs had pulled him aside and gotten him to calm the fuck down, apparently he had been annoying the fuck out of the guys all day with his squirrely behavior and Chibs gave him a blunt and a beer. Once his nerves had released him he stood with his brother and was heading back to the set up area when Chibs stopped him. "Let me tell ya one thing to always remember when it comes to a woman like Joy." He nods and gives Chibs his full attention "Love her but keep her wild. She is a woman and we all want to protect our women but at the end of the day she is a force of nature that granted you the privilege of standing close enough to be in awe of her and live." 

When Chibs walked away he stared out across the reservation where he stood, Chibs was right, he wasn't worried about how any of this went. He was more worried about his wife coming to her senses and taking off in the other direction then he was standing but that was his old doubts about himself. But like Chibs said, Joy was a force of nature, and she chose him to pour her love, life and energy within. Why the fuck was he looking that gift horse in the mouth? He grins as he stares at his wife as she throws her leg over her Dyna in their driveway, she doesn't see him move to lean on his bike and looks back at him over the top of her ray bans. "You ok handsome?" He shakes off his nostalgia and walks over to stand at her side, his hands automatic coming up to braid one side of her mane of wild curls while she does the other. "I'm fine babe. Just a lot of thinking. Must be getting old."

He chuckles when his father in law slaps a hand down on his shoulder as he passes him, having spent the night in the guest room "Shut the fuck up you toddler." He puts the hair tie around the bottom of his wife's pig tail braid and kisses her temple as she snickers. Pinching her thigh in retaliation and jumping back as she swipes at him, climbing into his bike he shoots her a wide grin before putting his helmet and glasses on, peeling out of the driveway with her on his tail. Catch me if you can baby.

Joy POV

She heads up the stairs to the second floor with Bobby on her heel. Once again asking the age old club question…..what the fuck are you wearing kid. She speaks over her shoulder to the older man " I couldn't help it that my  good taste offends your eyes. But i refused to sacrifice that to the all black of the club colors." Apparently that had tickled bobby as they marched up the stairs to grab their hiding leader. Jax had called them all here and wasn't even down stairs. But she knew where he would be. She knocks on the door and peeks inside with a grin. " everyone is here brother." He nods and stands, she sees him pocket his small journal, walking by her he grabs the side of her head and places a kiss on the top of her head. " Hmmmmm apples. Not bad." She snorts and shoves him, then he gives her a loaded look as his blue eyes scan her face. "You ok? Sleep alright." She knew he meant the nightmares, she sighs with a nod "Yeah Juan had me smoke two blunts myself and I was knocked the fuck out." He chuckles and looks between her and Bobby "Let's get the day locked down. Gonna be a huge one. Bobby anything from Galeen?" She and Jax move to leave but Bobby's voice stops them " Meeting is at two. Something we gotta Handel first." She arches a brow "What's up?" He doesn't look at her, speaking only to Jax "Bringing Clay to the table." She feels her hand twitch at the look on Jax's face. "Excuse me?" Bobby continues "He is gonna admit what he did with the nomads. Too Joy and Tara, all of it and we vote." She is stunned, he went behind Jax's back. Knowing what it could mean he went to Clay anyway. She clenches her fists, hissing through her teeth "Bobby what are you doing?" He glances at her as he moves to go down the stairs "My job kid."

She and Jax share a loaded look, this wasn't fucking good. They practically trip over each other as they head down stairs. She doesn't get time to tell her father or Juan what is going on before they are seated, but the way her husband is gripping her thigh, and the way her dad is trying to get her to look at him and not Clay at the end of the table leads her to believe they have an idea something isn't right. She can't take her eyes off of him as he speaks "I was lying in a hospital bed, thinking about all the shit I lost. I wasn't ready to let it go. I reached out to Frankie Diamonds. He was the one that suggested the home invasions. We figured we could rattle some of the folks close to the club, make it look like the MC was gonna hurt Charming and that Jax couldn't protect his own. Frankie pulled in Gogo and Greg. I promised to split my percentages when I got the gavel back." She grind her teeth, her hand clenching hard into fists at her side she knew her nails were drawing blood as Bobby talked, his eyes on the table " And attacking Unser at your house took the focus from you?" Clay nods, she snarls, her now bloody palms slamming down onto the wood of the table, making everyone jump as she stands, her voice like a sonic boom off the black walls. "And what about me Clay? Diamonds shot me point blank in the fucking stomach. If that had been Rita, her and the life of her unborn baby would be on your fucking head that I would gladly rip off your fucking shoulders given the smallest chance! Juan get the fuck off me!" She struggles as her husband yanks her down onto his lap, his arms locking around hers to keep her from struggling to much as Clay speaks directly to her "I didn't know you were buddy buddy with Eli's old lady, when they picked up the East Dub crew, I thought that was a good way to put the attacks on to Pope. And now with Jax working with him, I figured I could use it to help sway the club my way. I never wanted anybody to get hurt." She knows the sound of her half manic cackle bouncing off the walls isn't helping the situation. But she just can't believe the horse shit coming out of his mouth, Juan grabs her bloody hands in one of his and slaps his hand over her mouth she freezes through as Tig speaks for the first time since Clay started speaking " But they did. You hurt a lot of people." Seeing the pain in Tigs eyes as he looks over at her she lets the fight drain from her body, feeling the change Juan lets go of her mouth and just holds her in his lap. His grip is tight but comforting as Clay replies.

"You know, I-I don't expect anyone to believe this, and I ain't saying it wasn't 'cause of my pride and my greed, 'cause it was, but the main reason I was trying to push out Jax was because I didn't think he was ready to lead. This cartel shit, the pressure with the Irish, I didn't think he could handle it. I was wrong. He's proving to be a better leader than I ever was. I'll be in the garage." She watches him walk out, her eyes narrowed as the door closes. Moving from her husband's lap she yanks a black bandanna from her bag by her feet. Wiping at the bloody crescent shaped marks on her hands she listens to Jax "We heard his story. Vote has to be unanimous. Does anyone else have anything they'd like to say? All in favor of Clay losing his patch?" The vote is a solid yes across the board. She looks up as Jax says his next words "As far as the mayhem goes let's hear pros and cons." She is shaking as her eyes scan the table, her eyes locking on Chibs as she speaks " He's a traitor. I ain't buying this humble, "for the good of the club" bullshit. He's done." She nods, tears welling up in her eyes and spilling over as she grabs her husband's hand on her thigh. "I want to see the life drain from his eyes Jax. I can't fucking sleep at night without doping myself up because of the shit he set in motion almost killed me. If I don't I wake up screaming for my dad and husband because I'm scared they are next. Hell my god damned husband wakes up in cold sweats and shakes me awake just to make sure I'm not dead. I want him dead so this butterfly affect he started can fucking die with him." She rests her head on Juan's shoulder, his lips pressed against her forehead as she tries to slow her breathing.

Jax stares at her for a moment and nods "All in favor of Clay Morrow meeting Mr. Mayhem." Six yea, she looks to Bobby and her whole body goes numb as he speaks "No." She stares at him for a moment as Jax's bangs the gavel, barely hearing Chibs as he goes to get Clay. She stands. Bobby turns to her, his mouth open to speak but her hand claps against his cheek, some blood she had missed on her hand now on his reddened cheek.. She shoves him out of the way. Not realizing Jax was right behind her along with her husband, she almost runs into Clay as him and Chibs come back. She feels more then sees Jax move past her and fly into Clay, watching the two men grapple she feels her blood pump, standing back she doesn't move to help Chibs as he tries to yank Jax off Clay, the dull thud of Jax fist against the side of clays face gives her a sick kind of satisfaction. But it's cut short, she curls her lip as Chibs and Tig successfully yank Jax away from Clay. She walks over to Clay as the others are preoccupied with Jax, standing over the man she sees blood dripping from his temple and arches a brow "Looks like it hurts." Before he can speak the heel of her boot comes down and the sound of his nose breaking makes her smirk before she is yanked up off her feet by her father. " Enough Mija." She nods, she got her lick in, and the way the bastard was clutching his face made her anger levels drop somewhat. She feels Jax's hand on her arm, she lets him yank her away from the others and back into the clubhouse, looking back she gives her husband a look as he tries to follow. Jax needed her, only her it seems. He releases her as he shoves the doors to church back open, he all but collapses into his chair, she watches him with narrowed eyes as she closes the double doors behind her gently. The sound of her docs on the floor almost painfully loud as she makes her way to her seat.

Sitting she stares at Jax as he twirls a gold lighter between his fingers. She doesn't speak, and neither does he for the longest, but as she feels the silence about to swallow her and him whole the door opens. But as the person enters she wishes they would have stayed out if she was honest. She feels her whole body tense as Jax's chest starts to rise and fall rapidly, his body tense as his voice sends an uncomfortable chill down her spine. "You made a deal with him behind my back." She almost jumps as Bobby tosses Clay's jacket onto the table, she watches him with a heated glare. He refuses to look her way, keeping his eyes on Jax "We couldn't prove shit. We both know that. And there's no way that you could let Clay sit at this table. Me either. The shit he's done. He needed to go away, and if I didn't make this deal, you would've killed him as soon as we were finished with Gaalan." She slams her hands down, making their gaze jump to her "Wrong Bobby. You seem to think you're the only one who is looking out for Jax. I would do it because I want to watch his insides bake on the concrete outside." Bobby sighs " But kid Do that once, next time just becomes a little easier, and before you know it, this thing that we have is pointless. I stopped jax from becoming the guy that you both wanted to kill. All your doing is being his god damned dog on a leash like Tig was for Clay." She almost leaps over the table to get at Bobby's throat, no one talked about Tig infront of her…..no one. But Jax's hand on her tattooed arm stops her. "You think this vote protects Clay?"  She moves her arm out from under Jax's hand. Bobby looks between her and Jax, and for the first time she really looks at him. He looks tired, worn down and her anger slowly drains from her body. "You want him dead. Seems like the only choice today. But I know you, Jax. The right thing settles in."  

She jerks as Jax's voice echos off the wall. Making her grind her teeth "And how is letting him walk the "right thing"?" Bobby holds Jax's gaze "I know you see it as betrayal." She feels her nose wrinkle and her eyes sting as he looks at her across the table "i know you both do. And I took that risk because I love you, both of you. And this club needs you two. We're broken." She clenches her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears, but Jax's next words rip a gut wrenching sob from her lips, " I've had a hard time feeling any love or brotherhood since Opie died." She slaps a hand over her mouth, her other hand resting on her stomach as she tries to keep it together. "You're just lost your way a bit, brother." She angrily swipes at her eyes, not caring if she looks a mess now, she sees Jax's eyes, bright and wet as he locks eyes with her and shakes his head "No, I found it, finally." She sniffs as he turns to Bobby "Opie was right. The gavel corrupts. You can't sit in this chair without being a savage." She feels like her world is crumbling as Bobby stares a Jax, tears in his eyes as he sighs "I know." She reaches across the table, her hand gripping Jax limp one as he sniffs. "You don't know shit." His grip slowly tightens on hers as he continues, the tears falling from his eyes make her heart break for him. "You counsel from fear. You want me moving in comfortable, cozy circles, and I can't do that." By the time he turns away from Bobby and releases her hand his grip was painfully tight on hers, turning the skin of her hand ashen gray from lack of blood flow. She turns her damp eyes to Bobby, staring at him hard for a moment she clears her throat, still flinching slightly at how raw her throat feels. "You should go."

She watches Bobby as he leaves, turning her eyes to Jax once the door clicks shut. His cheeks are wet and his eyes red. But he has no more tears now, she reaches into her bag, grabbing the pack of make up wipes she yanks one from the pack and scrubs at her face. Seeing Jax watching her with an odd look she glares and tosses it at his face, making him jerk a little and toss it off his chest where it fell. She couldn't help but chuckle, locking eyes with him again and she fell silent, her hand coming down to rest over his for a moment. "I'm with you brother." He nods, moving his hand out from under hers he pats it and turns to the door as it pushes open. Seeing her favorite Scott's men she gives him a weak grin, he nods to her and leans his hand on the chair in front of him. "Jackie boy. Sorry to bother you but August just called, and Pope wants a Meeting at Charming Heights." Jax turns to face Chibs. "When?" The Scott sighs "Now." He nods and turns to her "I need you to stay, chibs is going to come with me. I want you to get the guys ready for the deal later with Lin. He is closer to you than me so I want you at my side for this. Not Bobby." She nods, getting to her feet she leans down pressing a kiss to the top of his blonde head she pat Chibs on the arm as she passes. She needed to see her husband.

He wasn't far, she found him on the swing set. She leans against the gate as he stares off to the side, a blunt hanging from his lips, his hand grip the chains on either side of his head as he swings slightly, the sun gleaming off the multiple rings on his fingers, she glances at his eyes, seeing them already low lidded so she knew it wasn't his first one. He doesn't even notice when she takes the seat beside him, but when her fingers glide along his forearm to his hand he grips it tightly, letting them fall between them to swing. Turning to her he gives her a small grin. His dark brown eyes scan her from head to toe and she felt it like a warm caress. He brings her hand in his up to his lips, using his other hand he hands her the blunt while he kisses the back of her hand. " You've been crying." She nods, taking a deep pull she holds it, holding it back out to him he shakes his head, keeping her hand by his lips he presses kisses to her wrist and fingers. Making her smile. Her sweet husband, trying to heal her pain with good weed and kisses. What a man. She giggles and he smirks, his teeth biting down on her thumb playfully. Making her rip her hand back with false and over dramatic out rage, forgetting she was on a swing she shrieks as she falls back into the wood chip ground with a grunt, her calves resting where her ass used to be in the swing "Jesus Joy!" Her husband scrambles to get to her, kneeling on the ground next to her he lifts her head onto his lap. He calms when he realizes her body is shaking from laughter, he grins and picks wood chips from her hair as he tries to not wheeze as she starts to snort she was laughing so hard.

"I sometimes forget how much of a klutz you are until you do shit like this." Her giggles intensify as her free hand comes up to smack at his shoulder. The other one bringing the blunt she somehow managed to not drop to her lips with a smug grin. "Didn't drop the blunt though that's talent " his eyes locked with hers for a moment and he gave her a leering grin. "No what you do with your tongue that's talent." She stares at him gobsmacked before she is on him, forgetting about the blunt she drops it and starts smacking at her husband, cursing in rapid fire Spanish. And that's how her father found them when it was time to go. Never a dull moment for the Ortiz/Lowman bunch.

Henry Lin's Warehouse (Joys pov)

As her bike pulls to a hard stop in the Lin warehouse she grins, she remembered so many deals here. She also remembered unloading a good amount of the legal shit here as well. Everything she ever did before the club was to be ready for redwood. Every odd job, everybody she dropped had been to be here, standing full circle with Henry across from her this time. She accepts his hug and waves to the others behind me, receiving nods and grins in return. She steps to the side as Jax beings Romeo over "Henry Lin, Romeo Parada and his  associate, Luis Torres." She take her place against the far dock door, pulling a pack of cigs from her her back pocket she watches Henry work, letting out a whistle of appreciation at the hardware his men were uncovering not being able to stop herself for speaking along with Henry "Russian Kornet with articulating tripod. Thermal sight, 9M133 missiles." Everyone turns to her, she shrugged, her guys grin and turn back to the deal. She stares off to the side, her mind wandering, keeping her focus somewhat on what was going down, until she hears two words that made her want to throw shit. " Three months." She tilts her head back, tossing her cig out the open dock door. She didn't even have to look at Romeo to know that was not what he wanted to hear.

She sighs, her eyes watching Romeo's back from behind her shades as he speaks lowly to Torres for a moment before turning to Henry "Ten Kornets. Hundred missiles. Two dozen Brownings, two dozen KS-Vs with quick-release silencers." Henry nods, everyone turning to watch Torres as he speaks, a black duffle in his hand "Once you figured out the Hamas express, we'll want drops every two weeks. Mayans MC will handle the transport. 250 down payment. Just let us know the balance." Henry shakes bother their hands " Absolutely. Looking forward to doing business with you."  Romeo nods "You should. We're gonna make you rich."  She is about to get on her bike as Romeo and Torres head towards Jax, Bobby and herself but Jax's hand grabs the back of her cut, keeping her in place. Asshole. Romeo locks eyes with herself for a moment then Jax "Galindo's getting pushed on two fronts by Lobo Sonora. We just lost Tubutama; we can't wait three months for them Kornets. We're gonna need another shipment of RPGs from the Irish before we kill that tie." She sighs, her hands on her hips, she stares past the guys, plans forming in her mind, possible outcomes of how this could work. That Irish fuck head will not be happy to hear about Clay being out, and when he does he might not give them what they need. She is shaken from her thoughts when Romeo's voice shakes her "Is that a problem? " She is about to yell yes but Jax beats her "Shouldn't be. I'll ask Gaalan at the pickup." Romeo shakes his head, a hand coming down on Jax's shoulder, making her hand twitch for her glock "Don't ask him. Tell him."

As the two men walk out and away she drops her mask of indifference and curses, her head falling back as Jax combs his hands through his already slicked back hair, his eyes wide and moving around rabidly as he thinks almost as if he was seeing his own thought process before his eyes. Her husband comes to stand next to her, his hand going up the back of her shirt to rest on her lower back. His warmth was a slight comfort. Jax finally nods and turns to the rest of the group. "All of us need to head back to the shop. I want Chibs and Bobby to get this shit rolling. Joy, can you go check on Tara for me let her know what's going down." She nods, turning to her husband as the guys head for their bikes, wrapping her arms around her husband's narrow waist she sighs, her cheek resting on the warm leather of his vest. His chin rests on her head. "You ok baby girl?" She nods, leaning more into him as one of his hands brushes down the back of her head in soft swipes, over and over again. "I'm ok. Just thinking about it all. Once I get it all cleared in my head I'll give you a peek inside. Ok?" She feels his chin brush her head as he nods. His lips pressing to the top of her head before he releases her reluctantly. She gives him a half hearted wave and sighs as he and the other drive off, turning to Henry as she sees them heading out as well. She nods her head and moves towards her bike, time to check on Tara.

The Hospital

She is laid back in Taras office, her body draped across the beige couch as she scrolls through her phone waiting for Taras break. When the woman in question sees her she smiles. "Joy. I see your making yourself at home." She smirks at her phone screen. "I have the amazing power of not giving a fuck where I am. I'm always comfort." Tara chuckles and walks over, gently pushing the other woman's legs from the seat so she could sit next to her, joy shoves her phone into the inner pocket of her cut and grins at Tara "So Jax got the deal locked down with henry and the cartel." Tara nods but she see the slight pinch in joys face and sighs "I hear an invisible but in there." Leaning back into the couch she sighs, closing her eyes she blurts out everything, just ripping it off like a band-aid. "But the guns won't be here for a while so now Jax has to meet with the kings and get them to drop a load of guns out their tight freckled fists one more time. And with clay not here that means Galaan will bitch so this might not go well."

When she doesn't hear a groan or even a sigh she peeks one eye open seeing Tara looking at her blankly she opens them both. "Don't look at me like that. The past few days haven't been exactly conductive mentally for either of us so forgive me if i expected a violent reaction….ass." Tara snorts and looks off to the side. "Sorry to disappoint you with not having another mental break down. My body just doesn't have it in it right now." She snickers and nods, but stops when Tara gets a nervous look on her face. "I know that look. Talk. What's wrong." She is surprised when the normally stand offish woman grabs the hand closest to her and holds it tightly. Joy is more worried than ever, her other hand resting on top of the on gripping hers. "I have still been working on the papers for the other hospital. And through all this and talking to the club lawyer today something occurred to me. If something were to happen to me or….to jax."

The hitch in Taras voice makes her pat her hand, as much and no one ever wanted to think about their family or partner dying that sadly never helped. All it did was make you more lost when it happened. "If that happened i don't know who would have Able and Tommy and Joy that scares me. I have no other blood family and I won't let Gemma raise them i won't. And with blood Wendy could possibly take Able and I don't want that either Joy. " She nods. No Gemma might have the deepest love to give like any other mother but hers had long been tainted by something inherently Gemma….something wrong. And wendy would have to take Able from her cold dead arms. When Tara turns her face to joy she sees tears in the woman's eyes and she yanks her hands from taras, her fingers wiping at the woman's pale cheeks, not understanding how to help. Until Tara's next words make everything click into place. "So talking with the lawyer i have named you and Juan as the people who will be their guardians." She feels the hot tears as they glide down her cheeks. Her hands move from Taras face to her own as she swipes at her cheeks roughly. Looking over she sees Tara watching her closely and she realized Tara actually thought she wouldnt want them. She sniffles and shakes her head. "I already love them like they were mine without overstepping. I would open my house and heart to those boys and Juan would too Tara. They would need or want for nothing because both of us would do anything to keep them happy. So if this gives you peace, do it. I already know Juan would be overjoyed, shocked but overjoyed." The woman's smile is bright and right there She sees the woman Jax sees all the time. As stern and logical as Tara was she was warm and beautiful when happy. Leaning over joy kisses her cheek with a nod. "Yeah. I have not one objection to that. But just know. Me and Juan might never leave here hun. Your boys would grow up here. Are you ok with that honestly?"

Tara stands, turning she leans back against her desks and sighs. "I know that. And if i'm honest it was one of the reasons i hesitated, and if i'm honest the only reason. But then i remembered how you grew up. Knowing about this life, it was never hidden like a secret or something shameful. And despite what you say about yourself your not a monster. Your good to my boys and everyone in that club who deserves it. And you dont shield able from it you let him know this isn't for him right now and send him on his way like the morning after Otto. So no.....i wouldn't mind them growing up here with the right mother and father besides Jax and myself." She stares at her rings as she twirled them around her fingers. She didn't realize the others knew she struggled with her nature. Sure Juan and maybe her father but to know on some level it was plain as the nose on her face made her want to hide away. Like a piece of her armour had been knocked off in battle. She speaks to Tara, her eyes still on her rings. "I struggle everyday with what i do for this club and to survive. Im not exactly martha fucking stewert. I don't know shit about kitchen knives but i know what blade to use to flay a man…..but i swear i would always love those boys and do right by them. Not manipulate but always have my hand out for them to grip on for balance. And thank you….it means alot to me." Tara is about to continue when her burner goes off, pulling it from her cut she sees Jax's name. Opening it she speaks "Im coming." Into the phone before hanging up and standing. Walking over to Tara she presses another kiss to her cheek." I love you Tara." She doesn't give the woman time to answer as she leaves, she had to slam down the gates on her emotions. The day isn't over yet.

The Barn

She gets to the barn just as the truck pulls up, she almost falls off the bike as shs skids to a stop in front of Jax and the other. Her prez was obviously worried she wouldn't make it, He practically yanks her off the bike as he hugs her. "Cutting it close sis." She pats his side as she hooks her sunglasses in the collar of her shirt. "I know. Got caught up talking to Tara." They make their way inside, she winks at her husband as he passes behind her. Smirking when his hand pats his ass as he does. She moved to follow him but Jax grips the back of her cut, keeping her on his left with bobby on his right. She sighs. She should have just kept the god damn patch at this point. "Where's Clay?" She and Jax both turn a sharp eye to Bobby. Clay would fucking be here and useful for once of bobby hadnt done what he did this morning. Bobby tosses the duffle of money on the ground between themselves and Gaalan. "He turned in his patch.It's been coming for a while."

Gaalan arches a salt pepper brow, his eyes bouncing between her and Jax. "He's out of the club?" She sees Jax sigh before finally speaking, her hand coming to rest on his back out of sight from the group before them. But very visible to their club behind them. "Look, Gaalan. I know you blame me for Kellan's death. And you're right, events in Belfast spun out of control.I just want to say, I liked the priest. He loved my dad. He sacrificed himself for my son-- I know that." She nods. She was proud of how level jax sounded. She tilts her head, a teasing lilt to her voice as she speaks makes Gaalan zero in on her. "And after you and our dear prezs little game of grab ass and your rambo impersonation i was personally hoping it might ease some of this tension." The man chuckles, she sighs. Her hand falls from Jax's back and she speaks plainly to Gaalan.

"Look Gaalan dispite what you might think about me i fucking hate the cartel. Mexican or not they are fucking up our day to day we all hate them.Romeo wants this shipment, one more. We give him that and we're done. No more them and everyone in our shit. Just The MC and the IRA can go back to business as usual. Sound?"

She wasn't surprised at his look of surprise at the use of irish slang. Her mom might not have raised her but she did her own research about the other half of her heritage. And as much as she might dislike Gaalan as well, a part of her felt kindred to him, his and chibs heavy broug as different as they might be, made her want to watch the old videos of her mother when her father would pick at her about her strong accent. She is shaken from her melancholy as the older man nods "Aye. Tis sound lass. For a little halfling your not all bad are ye." She opens her mouth to curse him but the doors on either side of the bar open. Both glocks are aimed on either side of her before they fully open and she starts cursing internally as Jax speaks to Romeo, his hands gently pushing her arms down. She doesn't put her guns back though. "What is this?" Romeo sighs "Talked to Damon Pope. Heard all about Clay. Thought we should come by and make sure the deal was moving forward. “I told you I would handle it."  Jax’s tone was very obviously pissed but neither irish or catel cared as they glared at each other.

Luis eyes Gaalan with a curl of his lip "We know how stubborn the Irish can be." Gaalan turns to look at the other man with a wide wicked grib "And we all know how ignorant you muppets can be." Romeo practically growls as he points to the gun crates "Put the guns in the truck." Gaalans voice echoes off the wooden walls "Don't touch the bloody guns." She grunts as she elbows jax back behind her towards her father and husband. Knowing if shit got wild they would yank him behind cover. Her voice is practically a hiss as she speaks pointedly to luis and romeo “We all want the same thing here! You two pendejos aren't helping for shit. We had this under control until you put your size twelves in it pulling this macho man shit." Having not listened to shit she said Romeo instructs the man closest to Luis to grab a crate. She sees the gun in Gaalans hand just as he fires it. She doesn't think, turning to Jax she rams into his chest. Knocking them both back into her father and Juan. Her father yanks Jax down next to him. She presses tight into her husband's side as bullets fly over his head. She sees her father and Phil book it outside to safety. She sees a blur running towards bobby and jax and she roars "Bobby get down." The man hits the floor as she lays out one of Galindos men. All fire stops and she looks over to see Gaalan at gunpoint. She shoves her guns back into their holsters and watches with narrowed eyes as Romeo snatches up the duffle of money. Yelling for the man to put the crates in the truck, he grins at her and Jax who was radiating pissed off like a furnace. "This buy is on the MC. For killing my guys, and the inconvenience of our wait. We'll call it even." Jax yanks her back as she lunges for Romeo. He had no idea what he had set in motion, the kings won't let this slide.

As luis yells for Gaalan to get his pasty white out of there Gaalan passes her and Jax. Giving Jax a loaded look he stops "This is on you, boy." Jax just nods, as prez it was his mess. Didn't stop her from moving to shoulder herself between him and Gaalan. He wasn't an ally anymore. He turns his jade eyes to her, his gaze grows harder. It wasn't in her favor that she looked so much like the men currently holding him at gunpoint "Sons are gonna feel this on both continents Lass. Know that." She nods as he leaves, her body slightly shaking from the adrenaline drop as she and Jax turn, both of them coming face to face with a wary looking bobby. She cant help her angry at him, a part of her doesn't want to put it all on him. But if clay had been here. If the meeting had ended moments before the cartel showed. Maybe things would have been different. But they weren't. Like Jax she shoulders her way past bobby outside. The guys following behind closely. She and Jax glare down the men loading the truck for the next ten minutes, a cig hanging limp between her lips as she locks eyes with Romeo. Dead eyes. She inhales deeply for the last time and tosses it to the side. Turning as Jax marches back behind them to the group of men she turns to watch as he paces for a moment. Walking closer she leans against the precut logs chibs was sitting on as he too watches jax. When he sees everyone is close,he starts pushing out orders, his eyes bouncing between her and chibs. "Lock down the shop and alert families." She and chibs nod. He would take care of teller morrow, all she had to do was send a text to one person and the phone tree would set on fire. She had spent months making plans for anything. Deaths to club threats but this was the most ambitious, she made sure everyone involved in the club only had two people on speed dial. The person next on the list and her. Once each call was made she would get a text to confirm until the last person on the list confirmed the texts kept going. Opening her phone she sends a message to Lyla a simple phrase 'Start the fire.' She puts her phone away as jax turns to Tig his voice raising the more frustrated he gets "Get Tacoma down here." Tig walks off without a word and Jax steps closer to chibs and herself. "Gaalan is gonna try to hurt us." He was right. Gaalan didn't seem the kind of man to make idle threats. Jaxs puts his hand on chibs shoulder "I need you find Gemma, you have her call me. Ok everyone roll out and get packed. Be in by lock down or be locked out. She quickly heads for her bike her husband and father hot on her heels all of them stop as Jax calls Juice back. "Juicy, I need you for something. Sonshine go get his shit packed, we will all meet at the club house." She hesitates for a moment as her dad heads off with a nod. She lets her husband pull her tight to his chest as he kisses her forehead. "Go baby. You know what to pack. Get sonny ready and i'll be there before you have time to miss me." she snort, pressing a kiss to his shirt covered chest. "Too late." She pulls away from him and locks eyes with Jax. "Keep my husband safe." He grins "always darlin." She rolls her eyes and walks off as the man laughs. These guys wouldn't know safe of it gave them head.

Clays house (Juan pov)

He and Tig had decided to give Clay, Miles and Rat and escort back to the shop. Well Tig wanted to do it and Juan didn't want him alone. As they make it to the cabin Tig knocks, he hangs back his shade covered eyes watching their surroundings. The irish were sneaky bastards. Once the door is open he and Tig quickly file in and lock the door. Walking over to rat and miles he sighs "Fuck the rest of his shit. Galindo fucked up the Irish deal and no Son is safe anywhere. Get his clothes and ill pack his guns, i know what he uses. Get moving we don't have much time until lock down." He watched the guys split up and he looked around as Tig and Clay talked about what happened. Seeing Clay's gun bag he opens it up and freezes. He sees the reaper holster, the nine and he grins. He is shaken from his memories by Clay's voice "You always did like it." He nods, watching clays large hands pull the gun from the holster. Bright silver with the black reaper handle. Shit was as beautiful as he remembered.

He watches clay aim it towards the wall before putting it back in the holster. "Piney gave it to me for my five year. I always thought I would give it to opie." He nods, his throat closing up, he clears his throat to fight back the sight of opies face. Not now, stay focused. He sees the gun being held out to him. "Clay come on." He shoves it back but the man passes his hand and presses it to his chest. "I get I'm not like a dad to you no more kid. Things i did to joy and you destroyed any of that but least i can do is give someone something i cant use anymore. So take it. Hell give it to the kid. She might put it in a shadow box with the day i died on it." He smirks and shoves the gun and holster into his inner pocket. "Or kill you with it." The older man chuckles. "Looking forward to it." He snickers and grabs the gun bag, and heads for the van. Making sure everything is in he heads for the bike. Lock down was approaching fast and if he knew his wife he knew she would shoot anyone who tried to close it with him outside of it.

Teller Morrow Garage

She volunteered to watch the outside as her father, Chucky, Unser and her father got the grill hot, with the amount of people here best idea was to have a potluck and bbq. Old rap plays from her phone next to her, her head bobbing and lips moving as her eyes scan the still open gate and full parking lot keeps her hands on the table under her, both her glocks next to each hand. She hears the bikes before she sees them. She smirks as Tig and her husband pull up in front of the van holding Miles and Rat. As Tig and her husband pull their bikes into the line. She nods to the guys as they pass her and go into the club house. When her husband and tig walk up with clay not too far behind her smile drops. Her husband kisses her cheek with a chuckle, his lips brushing her skin as he whispers "Down cujo. Gaalan called him on the way here." She arches a brow over her husband's shoulder to clay as he passes them without a word. "Fine….but he breaths wrong im playing baseball with his kneecaps." She lets her laughing husband pull her inside as miles and rats come back out to take over her watch duty.  

Everyone had been here for about an hour now and despite the reason for being here it was fun and everyone laughs all around. She hugged a few of the Tacoma boys she recognized, Kozik being one of them. She had missed him when he went back but he seemed to be keeping on the straight line where drugs were involved and she was so proud of him. She was watching her father talk to Lyla with a grin, he was leaning back against the pool table as Lyla lined up a shot. When the ball hits the pocket she smirks at one of the Tacoma prospects who thought she had been an easy target, poor kid. She bumps fists with Nero before turning back to talk to Happy. She feels her husband come up behind her, his hands snaking around her waist to rest low on her stomach. She turns her head to the side, kissing the side of her husband's stubble covered cheek as he rests his chin on her shoulder. "Why are you grinning like that beautiful?" She giggles, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. She places her hand on the side of her husband's face, making his gaze line up with hers. She knows he sees them too when he hums. "Now that's different. But oddly enough would make sense." She smirks. "exactly. I doubt much will happen for now. With Opie and all which i agree with, grive fully and never rebound. But i see something….something good in that possible future." She closes her eyes as her husband presses kisses to her cheek. "Look at you. Little miss matchmaker." She snorts and turns in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck she gets on her tiptoes to press a kiss high on his cheek. Beaming up at him she says "Matched myself up with you didn't I?" He nods with a grin, his hands rubbing her ass before he surprises her and yanks her up by the thighs. She shouts as he heaves her body up his torso, her thighs clinch his sides as he carries her through the crowd of laughing sons, her protests and threats of body mutilation falling on deaf ears. When he plants her on the pool table she goes to swipe at him with her nails but he catches her wrist and holds it to his chest as he catches her lips.

All the fight leaves her body, her free hand gripping the side of his cut she yanks him closer. The world falls away as he surrounds her, his hand gripping her now limp wrist moves to the back of her neck. But their moment is short lived as one of the balls from the table hits her left thigh making her jump and look that way. Seeing a smirking Lyla with a chuckling nero and Happy over her shoulders. She nero's her eyes at her father. "Et tu, Brute?" Her father shrugs and grabs the pool cue from Lyla as Nero pats her shoulder "We're currently hiding the corner pocket Leona." She smirks at the nickname, Lioness. Well played Nero. She slides off the table Jax walks by them but she clenches her eyes as he freezes next to her, the venom in his voice makes it obvious who he is speaking too. "Why is he here." She pecks Juans lips one more time before turning to plant herself next to Jax. Clay looks even more broken than she remembers. Hunched over be tilts his head at Jax "Gaalan reached out to me. He wants the guns or the money or wendy is dead." She whips her head around to stare wide eyed at chibs, he makes a snatching motion and she sighs. She must have been at the hospital, she would grill him about it later. "Does Gaalan know wendy isn't Jax's wife?" Clay chuckles "Believe me kid i could hear wendy in the back shouting that and a lot of other stuff about Jax to prove as much. He says do it anyway or Able will be going back to Belfast." She snarls, jax holding his arm out in front of her to calm her. But her anger and frustration builds as Bobby chimes in "four hundred and seventy five thousand dollars. We pay back the Italians and Nero we ain't even close." She moves to stand behind chibs as Tig adds on "And there is no way we are getting the guns back from Romeo." She plants a hand on Chibs shoulder, his hand comes up to pat her. Chibs always knew how to center her, help her pull herself out of panic. Even without a word. Forever her mentor and guide.

She looks up as Nero clears his throat, pool cue in hand, his eyes bouncing around to lock eyes with them all before settling on Jax "I'm sorry. Couldn't help but overhear and I may have a solution." She locks eyes with Jax. She sees him tossing thoughts around and finally his eyes clear and he nods his head to the door before looking at Clay, she heads for the door as Jaxs tells Clay to get out. She sees her husband off to the side, headphones in his ears as he works on a few hard drives on the table before him. Leaning against the far wall she watches him from afar. He was deep in his tech mode and she refused to break that trance. She smiles as his lips move rapidly as he raps along to something she can't catch from how fast his lips move, but his grin is amazing. She feels someone at her side, the scent of clove and sandalwood makes her arch a brow. "Tiggy. Do you trust me?" Tigs arm lands around her shoulder as he leans on the wall next to her. A beer in his hand he takes a deep pull before replying. "Without question kid. Why?" She tilts her head to the side to look up at him. "I know none of us but Clay will be delivering that money when we get it." Tig nods, people doubted him so much but he was quicker than people gave him credit for. "Go with him. I don't trust him alone, let alone around Gaalan. So if he goes. Go with him. If not for the club or Jax. For my peace of mind?" Tig thinks on it for a moment before pressing a kiss to the side of her head and heading off into the crowd. She knew he would, she hated putting him so close to Clay so soon. But Tig was Clay's right hand for years. Clay wouldn't think twice of Tig going with him. She scrubs her face with her hand before pushing off the wall she sighs. So much to do and only so many hours.

Many hours later (Teller Morrow)

Wendy had been rescued and left twenty minutes ago in a huff, muttering to herself about fuck knows what. The last of the Sons from the lock down had hit the road and she was currently restocking the bar and her husband and father talked behind her. Something about new ink for Juan. Tara and Jax had yet to come down and that worried her. Turning to grab another bottle of turkey she sees Jax and the look on his face makes her pause. He speaks to Nero and Chibs for a moment before locking eyes with her. He shakes his head, she nods and gets back to stocking the bar as her father speaks to Jax. She feels someone at her side a moment late. She knows its jax from the scent of Marlboro and that damned hair gel he used that was a little too spicy for her nose. Once the shelf is stocked full she turns to him, he is leaned next to her and watching everyone. "You know I believed you earlier today." She arches a brow and chuckles "I said a lot of shit i meant earlier today. Refresh my memory brother."

She leans her upper body down on to the bartop. He stands next to her and copies her, their arms touching as he stares at the movement around them. "When you said you were with me. I know you are Joy. I don't doubt you on any front. I just…" She wants to look at him, but she knows it won't help. Bless these tough men they didn't understand how to communicate without showing fierce emotion. "I just don't know how to work this all out without Opie. I could say any idea or do any dumb thing and he would be there to help me realize why it was dumb in a way that would get through to my thick skull. And now that he is gone. Im worried about the gavel joy…." It took her a moment to understand what the last part meant. Then she remembers in church with Jax, Bobby and herself. The Gavel corrupts. Saying a mental fuck it to pretending this wasnt a serious conversation she turns to Jax, even as he refuses to do the same she speaks direct at him.

"The gavel will change you Jax. It's a hard and heavy weight that can crush a weaker man or woman. And you werent ready at all and didnt fucking want it. But  jax the way you're doing this. Getting it spread out among the other groups so everyone can get some food in their mouth. It's amazing Jax. Be proud of that." He nods, having enough of him not looking at her she moves around the bar to stand before him, grabbing his face between her hands to stop him from moving. Hazel meets blue as she makes sure he understands her "And trust that I will keep one of my last promises to Opie. Too keep you grounded, to be a solid wall to slam against when you cant fucking stop yourself. Always know that i have no issues stopping you." She gives him a grin "Even if i have to break a few bones. You'll live to redeem yourself in my eyes." he gives her a very weak grin and pulls her hands from his face. Grabbing the back of her head he pulls her in to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry in advance for breaking your heart sonshine." She remembers what she said to Tig and Chibs. "But you all wouldn't be mine if you made it easy to love you." He nods, looking past her she turns to see Chibs with a phone in his hand. "Heres Tig Jackie." Jax grabs the phone from him and heads towards the doors to church. She sighs as Bobby goes to stop him, she leans back against the bar as Bobby calls to him when he refuses. "Jax we gotta talk this shit out." The way Jax halts his steps set her on edge. And the face that turns to greet bobby isn't Jax. It's their new president, a man she is only just beginning to learn was a whole other man all together. "I said no." He closes in on bobby and she shakes off chibs as he goes to stop her. She wasn't letting shit slide anymore, she was done running. As she closes in on them she hears Jax loud and clear "Im sure the right thing will settle in. But right now if i'm alone with you VP i'll tear your goddamn head off." Getting next to them she places a hand on Jax's arm holding the phone. Keeping her eyes on Bobby who is currently watching her with dark narrowed eyes "Go talk to Tiggy jax. I got this." She felt Jax's arm tense under her hand but didn't ask why. It wasn't the time. She makes sure the door is closed behind her firmly before she speaks to the older son before her.

"Did you honestly fucking think he would want to talk? Not hours after your screwball set a shit ton of butt ugly on our heads?" The man just stares hard at her, refusing to reply. "You are obviously not thinking through shit bobby. You want this club to be better, I get that but the way you did it. Behind his back out the gate fucked up any possible trust in you as his VP." She expects him to see reason, if not the main reason Jax is angry. The new prez had fought his way through the lies of his family, the people meant to never wish you harm, found a plot to kill the mother of his children and also the possibility that his father was also murdered. By the same man. He had hoped to find a new family, build from us a family that wouldn't l harm him. That would support and the first act of his new VP is a plan behind his back. Another scheme. It was the act and the person it saved that was the hardest part to swallow for Jax. She got that, maybe Bobby just couldn't. He steps into her space, his voice the angriest she heard directed at her before. "Don't presume to tell me what I should do, Joy. At the end of the day you gave this patch up willingly to me. So stand down."

Pressing her pink nailed hands to his chest she shoves him back hard, he didn't expect it and falls back into the pool table. Her husband and Chibs make their way over as she speaks directly to Bobby. "Don't speak to me like a goddamn child Elvis. I gave that patch to a man I thought would do right by not just the club but the man who stayed to keep us all out of jail at not just his expense but his wife and children's as well. Man the fuck up and speak your fucking mind next time you have opinions. Don't pull that shit again Bobby or I swear to god I'll take you back to the table for my god damn patch back and to save trouble I'll tear it from your cut while it's still on you!" Her husband, having heard enough, wraps his large arms around her middle, locking her once waving arms to her side. She wasn't done though.  "Because I'll be damned If you hurt him or this club again." She lets her husband drag her out, the cold air makes her overheated skin break out into goosebumps. She stands next to her father's ink station in the garage. Juans hands rub her upper arms as she watches her father pull on his black gloves, her body slowly losing its tension as the machine comes alive and the buzz is a soothing note in the air. She sees two guns and arches a brow, looking at her father again she sees him holding a pair of gloves out to her and she smiles. She had learned to do tattoos by watching her dad do them. Her first tattoo she did on a body was on her father. Around his collar bone area there was a phrase "I live, I die, I kill for my family." The letters were blocky and some funny looking but he let her do it without thought and she loved him more for it then he would ever know.

Pulling the pink velvet scrunch from her wrist she holds it behind her to her husband as she grabs the other low roller chair next to her dad. Pulling on a pair of gloves like her dad he points out things and asks her to name it just to make sure her knowledge on the subject hadn't slipped. Once she proved herself to her father he goes back to setting up the ink cups. Everyone looks up as the garage office door opens, she hadn't realized the guys had trickled in during the pop quiz her father gave her. The garage was filled with sons. All eyes on Clay as he makes his way to the chair between her father and herself. When he plops down he glances at her, looking down at the black kabar on her thigh before locking eyes with her again. With a roll of her eyes she slides the kabar from its sheath and flips it mid air, grabbing the blade loosely she hands it to Clay and watches as he slides the strap of his black tank, revealing the reaper on his shoulder blade, he stabs her blade roughly into the wooden table top and she arches a brow but says nothing. No one spoke as she and her father went about roughly blocking out the reapers on the older man's skin. Blood and black ink leak onto the black gloves on her hands, making the once matte latex glint in the light. Once her part in all this is done she put the gun down, her body felt as if it had been drained, any rage or possible sympathy she felt for the man before her was gone. Seeing the once proud man reduced to a black ink splattered shell soothed a lot of the pain she carried around recently. Pulling the gloves from her hands she stands, walking over to her father she kisses the top of his tattooed skull, locking eyes with Bobby she stands to her full height. Now that the rage wasn't pounding in her ears like a heartbeat she could see the conflict and lost look in Bobby's face. She walks over, knowing her husband wasn't far behind she kisses the older man's bearded cheek and walks away. As good a sorry as she could give knowing that everything she said had truth to it. She had a sinking feeling that another change was coming. How big would that change be? Only time would tell.

Next morning (Joy Pov)

Warmth, that's the first thing she feels as she wakes, and when she finally reaches full consciousness she realizes why. Looking to her side she sees Juans pillow is missing its namesake. But looking down she sees a lump where her stomach is, it makes her grin. For a moment she looked pregnant until the lump moved and she pulled the covers up slightly and could not help but feel her heart melt a little. Her husband's head was resting below her breast, his arms curled under her back as he clutched her in a tight but comfortable grip. Watching him sleep she takes in the beauty of him, his soft skin being revealed bit by bit as she pushes the covers off of them. Making her husband curl into her more to steal more of her warmth. She brushes her fingers along the tattoo on the left side of his scalp, she knows he is slowly waking because he is nuzzling his face into her stomach. A poem comes to mind and when he looks up at her with sleepy, heavy lidded eyes, a small smile is his gift to her. She smiles as the words spill from her lips. "You're next to me and I'm half asleep, wondering what I did to deserve this moment - to deserve you. And while you're here, breathing easily. All I can think about is what I can do tomorrow to be better for you then I was today."

He gifts her with open mouth kisses along her belly button and hips over her boy shorts, his hands having pushed her sleep shirt up to her chest to get access to more bed warm skin. "Fuck i love when you do shit like that." She giggles as he speaks into her skin, his hands sliding under her lower back, forcing her to arch and her legs to fall open more as his kisses move upward. His hands shove her shirt over her head. Tossing it off the side of the bed he hovers over her as she tries to get her hair out of her face. Looking up at him she sees his once sleepy eyes are watching her. The smile on his face is blissful and only for her. Reaching her hands up she holds his face between them, the way he leans into the gentle touch pulls at her heart. Her beautiful strong husband was such a gentle man, she hoped this life wouldn't rob him of that. She would give up her humanity to protect him if she had too, as long as he was always going to be here, like this. His lips on her forehead wash away her dark thoughts like rain water.

Her eyes, which she hadn't realized had closed to prevent him seeing the pain in them blink open, seeing him watching her. "Welcome back." She cant help but sigh, which quickly turns into a gasp as he rolls them, his strong grip on her hips keep her from toppling over as he now lays with her straddling his lean hips. The way he folds his hands behind his head and smirks up at her makes her bite her lip and her cheeks flushes as his eyes take in her bare chest, even after living with and being with him he still made her body heat with a look. Moving her hair over one shoulder she lays her chest flat against her husband's, her head under his chin. His hands are now combing over her head and curling her hair around his fingers. For a moment they are still except for his fingers curling into her hair and her body rising and falling as he breathes deeply. She is slowly falling back asleep when the chest under hers vibrates as her husband speaks "Jax is up to something involving clay." Curling a fist under her chin she uses her other hand to grab the discarded blanket and pulls it back over her now naked back. "What makes you think that." He isn't upset she questioned him, in fact it made him grin. "When Jax asked me to stay behind the other day after the irish he only wanted to ask me a favor. 'I need clays gun. No questions right now. I need it.” she lifts herself up enough to get more comfortable, stretching her legs out she moves to his side to rest her head on his shoulder, looking into his eyes she arches a brow. "The one currently at the shop wrapped up in a shirt." He smirks and kisses the tip of her nose. "Yes nosy shit." She snickers and smacks his chest, he laughs and rubs the sting away. "He wanted me to get it to you. I don't know why but he wants you to put it in his side saddle on his bike." She sighs, he was plotting alone again. She was getting so fucking tried of this behind closed door shit that had been going down since the cartel popped up. She can't say Jax wasn't doing good things but the way he was doing them was gonna make her go grey. "Your right. I'll see whats up but if i'm honest we won't know much until shit pops off and we all have to drag his ass out of danger." She cups her husband's cheek and pulls him in for a kiss when her phone rings from the nightstand. She growls under her breath and reaches back for it.....let the games begin

Time Jump

Once she got to the shop things had been crazy. She barely had time to do what jax asked her but she did it. And now hours later she stood beside Nero as he spoke to the shop owner "Nero they fuck up my shop, come in and take anything they want and now Dante says we have to pay triple two for protection?!' The pretty hispanic woman sighs "I mean we all know you split but what are we supposed to do now?" Nero sighs and holds up his hands “Okay. I get it, Carmella. I'm sorry I let this happen but i'm here now. I swear." He grabs her hands and holds them "We will handle Dante, Mi vida." She tosses her cig to the street as Nero walks over to them. "So what's the plan boss man." He brushes a hand down his face. "We need to cut off the goddamn head. Dante, he's running out of a rag warehouse, two blocks, at the end of Palm. Fights are in progress." She nods, Juans hands squeezing her shoulders. "Is he there now? Anyone scooping him out?" The man next to Nero shakes his head"Not sure. All of our faces are too well known around here to play double o seven" she snickers, looking over to Jax when he taps her arm as she is the main one next to him. "Ok let the white boys and slightly tan girls." She hisses at him and smacks his shoulder. "Tan!?!? I am a light sepia goddess. You redneck Tarzan." He grins but ignores her, he continues on. "let us go in, just a few fight fans. We'll see what we're dealing with."

Nero nods and she walks over to her bike, she strips off her cutte, her black lace up side high waisted jeans cover her lower stomach, but the cute pink halter crop top with the words 'brat' shows enough of her stomach to keep her cool on this hot day. bobby asks "How big is this crew?" Nero tilts his head for a second before replying "Last i knew fifteen." She is shooting off a quick text message as the man next to him shakes his head. "Nah they have been busy. More like twenty." She is pulling off her thigh and chest holster as hands her guns to her husband since her outfit wasn't loose enough to hide anything. Nero replies "If that's true with just us it's a little light." Her phone goes off and she yanks it from her back pocket with a grin. "Think again." Everyone turns to see her waving her phone with a grin "Cholo Calvary is inbound." Her husband smirks and reaches over to pat her on the ass. "That's my girl." Making the guys chuckle as she smiles brightly, her hips doing a little wiggle at the praise. Her father reaches over to yank her head close enough to kiss her temple.

Once they get to the place and on the lift of the building the sound of dog barking makes her reach out for the closest hand. Tig grips her hand back just as hard as Bobby opens the lift door. The others scatter to different corners but she and Tiggy don't release each other as they watch with Horror as the poor dogs tear each other apart. Her mind flashes to sonny. Her sweet little prince in the dog's place and seeing the raging bloodlust on the shouting mens faces makes her stomach roll. The fight is over quick and she watch a dark skin man lift the wounded white dog and walk away. She knows what happens next. Tapping tig are rapidly she whimpers "Tiggy. We can't let him." He nods and he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze and they both follow behind them man. Not realizing the others saw them. They make it to the back and her legs give out as she sees the trash cans filled with the bodies of precious dogs. All torn and slaughtered. She doesn't realize Alex has left her until she hears him say "I'll blow your goddamn head off." Her husband and father see her on the ground and rush to her. She points to the trash cans and her husband curses and helps her off the ground. Standing between her and the trash cans he holds her face in his hands "I know baby. But we can't help them now. But you saved one. Come on." She nods and lets him drag her around the corner as Tig points behind her and Juan as Jax grabs his head to make him focus "Look at this shit its so wrong." Jax nods "I know but it's not what we are here for." Walking over she grabs Tigs gun from him gently. He locks eyes with her and she nods to the beautiful dog in the kiddy pool by her feet who was licking her father's hand as he spoke softly to it. "Watch her." He nods and she walks over to the man knelt on the ground. Pressing the gun between his eyes she arches a brow "One question dickbag. Dante. Where is he?" The man points behind him "Through there. Uses the supply room as an office." She nods and hands the gun to Tig. "Piss off. And leave the dog." The man takes off as she kneels down to gently hold the dogs face in her hands. Smiling as the dog licks her cheek. "Hello love. My friend phil here is gonna carry you to your ride ok. Your not gonna fight anymore." The dog keeps licking her face and Jax taps her arm "Let's go mother pupresa. We got work to put in." She nods to phil and takes her glocks from her husband as she stands. Making her way in she sees Chibs break the lock and all hell breaks loose. Her father levels a man rushing them and she holds her guns on Dontae as Jax yells. "Put the guns down!" Dante just stares and she smirks, getting in front of him she holds one gun to his head the other to his dick. "Cough wrong. Give me a reason." He curls his lip but tells them to lower the guns she hears Jax yell and she naturally runs, smart move on her part as the room floods with Dantes crew as he yells

"I WANT THE BITCH. KILL THE OTHERS!" Making it outside she sees the gate bust open. And moves to the side as Nero and his crew take out of a few of the men following behind. The remainder of Dante's crew are quickly held down by the Mayans. She laughs and they roll through on their bikes whooping and shouting. "Fucking love you crazy bastards!" Her joy is short lived as Dante and another man run back inside and lock the door. She takes off at a full sprint as she yells over her shoulder "Dantes running. TAKE DOWN THE REST." It's quiet as nero,chibs, jax and herself move around the high stacks of boxes. All of them take different paths she is just about to turn down another way when the sound of a punch makes her take off back behind her she sees Chibs as he stabs the man who was with Dante. Using all her body weight she shoves him against one of the boxes, her fists crack against his cheek and temple. He grabs her by the hair making her shriek but the pain is short lived as he is yank off of her by Jax. She watches with glee as the man's face is shoved into a bag of nails. His screams making shudder at the agony in them, but her mind flashes back to the trash cans of dogs and she feels nothing again. They all jump into action as Nero's voice fills the warehouse "He's running!" They take off towards the sound. Shs stares at Neros back as he takes off after Dante and finally catches him at a window. She releases a short burst of laughter as Nero laughs as he pushes Dante through the window. Mother fucker was nuts. Once they all get through the window she sees a woman yanked from her van. But lucky her own dog was inside. And currently using Dante as a chew toy. Nero holds the door with his body and she leans next to him with a smirk. "That's gonna leave a mark." She leans down to watch the dog as Jax chuckles, punching her arm as she coos at the dog "Whos a good protector. You are. Good doggo." Nero heaves a sigh, his lip twitching as he tries not to laugh "We should probably let him out yeah?" Chibs smirks "That would be the good catholic thing to do." She snorts and shakes her head "I'm neither good nor Catholic so i guess he is puppy chow." All the guys around her laugh.

Back at Teller Morrow

When they got back to the club house phil, tig and herself went straight to the pool table with Dr.Chibs. She laid on her side on top of the pool table as the dog rested next to her, she gently brushed a hand over her ears and head as Chibs worked on the animal's leg wound. Her husband's hands grip and rub her thigh as he stands behind her. He knew she was shaken seeing so many dead animals. Killer his wife may be but when it came to animals. She was so sensitive to them. Thats where her and Tig bonded alot. She reaches down to grip one of her husband's hands in Silent thanks as she coos to the dog as it whimpers. "Its ok baby. Chibs is just gonna make you all better. I know it hurts." Tig pats her arm as Jax walks over "So that was one of Nero's boys. He found the breeder who is supplying the dogs. Wants us to shut it down." She nods and sits up as Tig replies "I'll gut that bitch." She grabs her bowie knife of the coffee table "i call his balls." The guys all shifted a little at that, knowing she wasn't joking. She and Tig grab their weapons of choice on the table and head for the door. Just as Chibs speaks "Lets go." Jaxs stops him "I'm gonna take Tig and Joy." Chibs shakes his head "Notta chance. You don't know what your walkin into." Jax stands firm and soon enough they are pulling. Up to a warehouse. She and tig strip off their helmets and walk ahead of Jax just as she hears a gun be cocked.

She reaches for her own but Jax's voice stops her making her turn to see the one thing she never wanted to see. One gun trained on her, another on Tig....and Jax holding both. Her face pales as Tig tries to move towards Jax and Jaxs hisses at him "Dont fucking move. Either of you." Her hands shake as she holds them up. He locks eyes with hers and nods "All weapons down. And kick yours away Joy your aim is too good to trust." She and Tig follow instructions. She keeps quiet as Tigs breathing picks up and he finally yells "What is going on Jax!?" She hears the approach of a car and her eyes narrows at the unmistakable Rolls Royce kicking up dirt and it all clicks into place. How they got out, how tig made it out with them. Jax was gonna go in but Opie some how did it first......Tig was always the chip. Because of what happened with clay. Forcing Tig to take action and kill Pope daughter. To do what he thought was right. Once again Clays lies were catching up to them.

Her rage is violent as she yanks Tig back behind her and Snarls at Jax "I'll kill you if they touch him. Ill fucking kill you all." Tigs arm wraps around her shoulder as she shakes, Gripping his arm she eyes the men getting out of the car as Tig groans. "Jax no. Come on man." Jax shakes his head "I'm sorry." She seethes "No. But you will be." Pope snaps and two men appear next to them. She and Tig are ripped apart and she shrieks, she is held back as the other man searches Tig. She is then searched herself before being tossed back at Tig. She wraps her arms around his middle. Gripping onto the man for dear life, her body shakes as Tig combs a hand over her head. Trying to calm her in a moment when she should be comforting him "Your really gonna give me to him Jax? After what he did to my Daughter. Its could have been Able, fuck it could have been sonshine here if hap had done it you bastard!" Jax yells at Pope to shut tig up and she crumbles to the ground with Tig his kidney is hit from the back. Using her legs she kicks out at the man who hurt Tig "Leave us alone you Bastard i swear to god ill bathe in your entrails for this." She is dragged away from Tig by her legs, she lands a kick and crawls back to him sobbing. He holds her on the ground with him as Jax speaks to Marks. He rocks her "Don't cry kid. Please kid don't cry." She grips a hand into his cutte. Whimpering when she and Tig are both pulled up from the ground. "Tie him up on the garage." She shrieks as he is being pulled away but Jaxs stops him "I want the Cutte." She growls and jerks in the arms holding her back. "Have you not taken enough from him Jackson for Christ Sake!?" The man approaches Tig and she struggles more "Please." The men stop, staring at the shaking and sobbing woman, for once looking her young age and her Golden eyes lock with Pope. "Let me take it off him. I'm all he has left." She was surprised when pope nods. Walking over on shaking legs she looks at the two men on either side of Alex. He reaches up and holds her face in his hands. Giving her forehead a hard kiss he whispers. "i love you kid. Best friend i ever had." She whimpers and slides the Cutte from his shoulders. He is instantly jerked away from her and into the warehouse. Her legs give out and someone catches her, apart of her knows it's Jax and she wants to struggle but she can't. Crushed under the weight of losing another brother all she can do is sob "Alex......Tiggy." Jax buries his head into the side of her hair and she hears him talking. She tries to stop sobbing and shaking to hear him "Trust me. Its hard but trust me ill fix it i promise." She pushes him away and stands. Clutching tigs cutte to her chest she watches Jax with narrow and tear swollen eyes as he walks over to his saddle bag and something clicks. Clays gun. As tumblers fall into place she watches Jaxs in slow motion as he paints the side of Popes car red with brain matter. Seeing him race into the warehouse she uses the hand not clutching the cutte to grab a silenced glock and runs after him. Seeing him take out one of Pope men she kills the other. Tig, who was thankfully alive, rams Pope as he tries to shoot them. Falling his gun lands at her feet, holding her gun on him she grins wildly "Do it. I dare you." He jerks and Jax appears at her side to grab the gun on the floor. She watches Jax as he hands Clays gun to Tig. Pope growls at Jax "You redneck bitch. Do you have any idea what will happen to who ever kills me?" A small smile ticks up Jaxs lip "Im counting on it."

She moves away as Tig blows Pope brains out the back of his skull. Walking over to Alex she wraps her arms around him. His arm not holding the gun grips her cutte. Hearing movement next to her she lifts her head, her gun held between Jaxs forth and fifth rib. "Give me one reason not to kill you prez. One."  He holds his hands up "I couldn't tell either of you. He would have picked up on it if Tig was off or if joy wasnt like she was. You know that." She did but the Image of Jaxs holding a gun on her still made her gun hand shake "He could have shot him right away Jax. Then what!?" Jax nods "But he didnt. I know that's not the best thing to say but he didnt and the plan worked. Im so fucking sorry to do that but i had to be done. We would never be free. Tig wouldn't get closure." Logic, sense, it was shooty but planned out. Pope dies at the hands of a man she and Jax want dead more than anything. And with Pope being an OG the bounty would be set and Clay would be dead before his hearing. Releasing Tig she lets him hug Jax, their eyes locked over the man's shoulder. Today something changed. Today she saw how far Jax was willing to go on his own. And she didn't know how to feel about it

The club house

Sitting across from her husband in their old room he stares in wild eyed shock as she nods, her wet hair dripping onto the sheets. She had felt so dirty when they got back that she had passed everyone and went upstairs to shower. Now dressed in some cotton shorts and a hoodie she lights up a blunt, inhaling deeply. She told him everything, her father would be next but she needed Juan right now. "Jesus baby. I didn't know he was going to…..i.....i never would have let you go with him alone if i knew." She lets him yank her onto his lap, her legs thrown over the side as She held out the blunt for him, he tilts his head and lets her hold it for him as he inhales. His hands to busy rubbing and gripping her legs, sides, her face as he tries to calm himself. Holding his inhale he replies "I love you baby. Im so fucking sorry you had to live that. Fuck i could strangle him. Was Opie not enough?" She exhales the smoke along with him. Filling the room with the smell of gas and apple wrapping paper "Apart of me knows he was right. Pope would sniff out a fake performance for a mile. But i feel so hollowed out. I know tig is alive, i know Jax didn't really betray either of us but i still feel it." She waves a hand "Maybe it's that i feel used by him. And that alone makes me feel dirty."  He nods and presses his lips to her forehead. Taking the blunt from her he takes another hit. "And your allowed to feel how ever the fuck you please. Jax knew what might happen if he did this. Trust and loyalty only go so far until the broken pieces just don't fit right anymore. So your going to heal from this. And i'll be right here if Jax has anything to say i'll handle him." She cant help but grin watching her husband blow smoke off to the side, his jaw tight and sharp she cant help but draw her tongue along its shape making him look at her with wide eyes. "You have no idea how hot you look when your angry daddy." he chuckles and shakes his head, taking in her low lids and dopey smile. "And you're cute when you're a high and horny baby." She snorts as his hands and rests her head on his shoulder as he takes the last deep hit from the blunt before tossing the roach into the ash tray to break down later. She uses her hand to turn his head as he gets ready to blow the smoke out. He smirks and fists a hand into her hair, his other hand palms her bare breast over the hoodie as he blows the smoke into her mouth.

*She couldn't hold it as she moans, her skin was sensitive and her mind was only focused on his hands. She scrambles out of his lap and crawls up the bed, but she doesn't get far as quickly grabs her ankle and yanks her back with a chuckle. "Where do you think your going?" She takes her bottom lip between her teeth as she tries not to smile. He yanks his shirt over his head and crawls over her, her fingertips ghost up his sides as he claims her mouth. She could taste the weed on his tongue, and that ever present mint. She groans as his lips leave hers but she arches as he pushes the hoodie up to expose her bare chest to his eyes. Leaning down his tongue circles one nipple before blowing on it, making her still shower warm skin break out into goosebumps. He presses his face into her sternum and drags his tongue along the anarchy A that rests there as his hand slides down onto her shorts, she feels his grin when he finds no panties in his way. She is hot and slick as he slides two thick fingers inside. "Yes touch me!"

He lays on his side, his arm propping his head up as he watches her writhe and moan as his pace picks up. Pressing his nose against her temple his lips brush her ears as he speaks lowly. "Do you have any idea how sexy you look like this?" She shakes her head, her eyes wide and glazed as she stares up at the ceiling, one hand rolling her own nipple, the other gripping his forearm, the feel of his muscles moving under his skin as his fingers fuck into her driving her higher. "Legs spread wide for me. Wet little pussy gripping my fingers like you never want me to stop." She shuddered and groans "I don't want you to stop. Please daddy. Fuck me?" He smirks and removes his fingers much to her dismay. As she turns to pout her mouth falls open as she watches him suck his cum covered fingers into his mouth. She quickly strips off her shorts and reaches for his pants and belt. He chuckles at her enthusiasm and she swats his stomach making him curl up and laugh harder. She giggles and stops trying to strip him. "Your such a dork Juan." He nods and reaches down to quickly undo his own pants, sitting up he leans his back against the headboard and shoves his pants down enough to free himself and yanks her onto his lap. Holding his cock steady he lets her slide down onto it, watching her face as her eyes fall closed at the stretch. Her hands gripping his neck and shoulders as she grinds down onto him. "Jesus you feel so good."

His hands slide up the sides of her smooth thighs to her waist, the hoodie pulls up with his hands until her lower half is exposed, her rocking hips in full view, using his hands he slowly starts to set the pace. His eyes taking in the image she made. Sun streaming through the window made her bronze skin glow, her wet curls bounced as she rode him. Lips red and kiss swollen from his lips. One of his hands leaves her waist to grab her jaw making her blink her eyes open.. "Open your eyes baby. I want to see them as you cum." Her brow is drawn and she can't control the sounds falling from her mouth, but she nods. Her hands claw at his shoulders and he gives in, needing to hold her closer, his arms wrap around her yanking her to fall into his chest. She places her hands on the wall next to his shoulders and starts to quake over him. Her lips trimble and he releases her hips and grabs her face in his hands. "Your close aren't you baby." She nods, a whine falling from her lips. She watches him watch her as she rides him as hard as she can. Her body was so close but she couldn't reach it. "Juan.....can't."

He grins and moves a hand down between them, his thumb strokes her clit and she shudders with a cry. "Come on baby. Want that pretty pussy to come. Come Joy." She groans and her bodie tenses, her thighs quivering against his hips as she arches. His thumb keeps up its circling. Making her jerk and dig her nails into his shoulder, with a growl he jerks up into her hard. Forcing a breathless cry from her.

"Do that again I'm gonna get you pregnant." He says it through clenched teeth and closed eyes but the way her fingers freeze for a second before digging harder. His head jerks up and he stares at joy. Her eyes were glazed and her lip was between her teeth as she slowly rolled her hips down onto him. Her body jerked every once in a while as his thumb pressed down hard. He watches her for a second and he smirks. "You want my baby inside you Joy?" She nods and he growls, his hands hold her waist as he pushes her back. Keeping himself inside her as he gets her on her back. His forearms hold her legs back as he pounds into her, her head is tossed back as she screams. The thought of pumping her full, watching her stomach grow. Fuck he was close. Looking down at her he he groans "Look at me." She whimpers and forces her eyes open. The hazel eyes staring up at him look so gold in the light from the sun outside and he pants. "I want my baby to have your eyes."

Her back arches violently off the bed as her whole body quakes under him, a flood of her juices soak his cock and her grip is so tight he can't hold off as it milks him. Shooting inside her he groans, laying on his side he rolls her to join him.* His lips brush her forehead as they both pant, he watches the light slowly fade from the room. His mind clear and his body lax he barely hears his wife as she whispers. "I want them to have yours Juan." He grins, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Guess we are spending the night. Good thing Tig got Sunny from the house. He will be good for Tigs dog i think." She nods, looking down at her body and his she giggles at his boot clad feet on the pillow. "No shoes in bed you street rat." He chuckles and slowly pulls away from her, his limp cock sliding from her making her hiss and narrow her eyes at him. "Don't give me that look. No shoes in bed." She rolls her eyes and reaches over the side of the bed to get her discarded shorts. Pulling them on she shoots a text to Tig to  feed Sonny for her and plugs up her phone to charge.

Curling up she drifts until Juan returns and from the smell of his skin he showered, but she doesn't have much time to think more on it as she finally slips under. She jerks what she feels isn't a moment later but when she opens her eyes she sees nothing. Pitch black and the sound of Juans snoring and her phone going off. With a groan she grabs it and rolls onto her back. "Hello?" She sits up straight at the voice on the other line, making Juans arm draped across her stomach fall off. Waking him with a grunt as he looks around. "We have a problem Joy." She feels a cold feeling settle in the pit of her stomach as she replies "Jax what's wrong?"

Jax's House

Their bikes couldn't move fast enough, she barely puts down the kick stand before running towards the house, she stops short as she hears her name being yelled. Looking over she sees Tara and she races for her, her eyes stinging as Tara looks up at her with bright wet eyes. "What do you need me to do." Tara looks past her for a moment, she was worried she might have gone into shock but when Tara looks back at her she is all there. Her lips move and Joy focuses on them to read her lips and her face hardens as she gets what she says "Protect them from her." She nods and brings her fingers to her lips to press a kiss to them before smacking them on the window and walking towards the house shouldering past officer's as she went, hearing Teddy stop them from grabbing her. She pats his arm as she passes into the house. Finding Jax sitting at the kitchen table, Able rushes to her side and she lifts him up and sits him on her hip as he presses his wet face against her soft hoodie. Juan presses a kiss to the side of Ables head before going to get Thomas who was crying in the back room.

She bounces on her feet to rock Able, the hand not holding the child up is rested on Jax's shoulder as he holds his head in his hands. "She gave me papers...naming You and Juan guardians of our kids, if something happens. I signed them as they knocked to come get her. What are we going to do Joy?" She sighs, resting her cheeks against the child's cheek. "What you are going to do is leave this to Lowen. This is her area, do what the fuck she and Tara ask of you. Tara isnt stupid, she knew what this life meant when she stayed Jax. All you can do is stand by her like me and her did for you and Juan while she is inside. Stay the course, and get the fuck out of Charming the second you can. You hear me?" He nods, his hand reaches up to grip hers. If he had looked up he would have noticed her eyes weren't on him, but the door. Locked in the gaze of another woman. Gemma glares at her and she stands her ground, she wasn't scared of Gemma. But Gemma should be scared of what she has just done, because karma is a bitch. And she was its Messenger. Gemma would answer for this if it was the last thing Joy did.

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That’s this new chapter. Im working on the next one as we speak. again thank you all for hanging with me. 

[freekshow17]

First (posted) Reddie/Losers fic

Criticism welcomed be gentle

Words - 4K+

… “You’re braver than you think” Richie finishes his speech to Eddie, giving Eddie the needed courage to continue down with the rest of the losers to fight this damn clown one last and final time.

“Na- Now remember, he plays with us. Don’t let him fool you! Non- none of us are a- alone” Bill reminds everyone as all the losers head down in the pit of Its lair. Mike starts the ritual, explaining every step of the way what to do. Each loser takes their turn throwing in their relic from that first summer they tried to defeat It. “This is a token from the arcade.” Richie says, leaving out the part about Pennywise appearing as he collected it, calling him out for his Dirty Little Secret. Eddie complains about how long the token will take to burn, Richie retorts with how bad of an idea the inhaler was. Within seconds the clown has appeared, and just like before, Pennywise succeeds at separating us. Bev back in the school bathroom, Ben being buried alive in the fort he built for the losers. Bill is back in his basement facing dead Georgie, and his younger self. Eddie and Richie are together, facing the same three doors Bill and Richie did as children. All the losers fight to find their way back to each other, back to the real battleground to take their stand against Pennywise. It knows their fears, fears they won’t even admit to themselves. He knows this battle is different than the last. He is not fighting children but grown adults. These adults as children damn near ended him for good. It knew if he wanted to last another 27 years, he needed to attack with all he had and in ways they wouldn’t even think of. “Bill. Bill look at me” a familiar voice, only to Bill, is calling to him “You’re not here Audra. You’re NOT here!” Bill closes his eyes to try and make the image disappear, he feels a soft warm hand caress his cheek. “Bill, I need you to come home. I miss you. You won’t make it out of here alive Bill.” Bill can’t help but open his eyes. He sees his wife standing in front of him. Bill knows this clown can disguise himself as anything, but she even smelt like her. “Bill, please. I know I’m not Beverly, and I can never be her for you. I know she’s what you really want. I never realized how much we looked alike until I got down here. You only married me for her, didn’t you? Do you even love me Bill?” a tear rolls down Bills cheek. “Oo-of cor-cor-course I-I Do!” his stutter hasn’t been this bad since that summer they first came down here. “You married me because you couldn’t have her? Didn’t you!” Bill shakes his head viciously “No!” Bill remembers as a child having a crush on Beverly Marsh and seeing them in the same room now, he can see the resemblance, but he loves Audra, and Audra is not this full of jealousy. “Au-Audra, I lo-love you.” She stands blankly in front of Bill “Then leave with me. Now.” This is the clown! “No!” Bill yells as he shoves Audra to the ground. “Bill! I, I think I’m hurt.” She tries to turn but a piece of wood is stuck in her side “Bill, I’m bleeding. Look what you did.” Usually, if it were the clown, it would have changed back after being injured, but this was still Audra. “Audra!” Bill runs toward her reaching out to lift her up as their fingers meet Audras hands turn into the claws from the clown Bill is shoved to the side, just being missed by Pennywise’s teeth. Mike takes the hit instead, though just a graze compared to what would have landed on Bill. “It’s not her!” Bill hears as he goes flying and Mike rolls next to him. “it’s not her Bill. You know that! Don’t let him get you.” Beverly and ben are trying to find things to attack it with. “Bevy. Bev-er-ly!” the clown is taunting her. “shut up you dumbass clown. You don’t scare me.” Bev says without looking away from the ground for sharp objects to pelt the monster with. “Bev.” She looks up and sees Ben in the grips of It. “Oh Bevy, you should have listened to your old man. No man will ever love you like he did. Not even FAT BOY!” Bev is frozen in fear, she wants to save Ben but doesn’t want him to get hurt. “Let him go! Let him go!” is all she can say “Bevy. Come to daddy.” The sound of her father’s voice echoes from behind her, sending a chill down her spine. “You’re dead.” She says as she turns to face him. “And so is that filthy pig boy you were going to let touch you.” Her father points behind her and Pennywise smiles. “So easy” the clown says with a giddy voice. “You get distracted so easy Beverly. You always were a daddy’s girl.” Bens lifeless body lies limp in the clowns grip, a chunk missing out of his side, exposing his ribs. Pennywise licks the blood dripping off of Ben. “So salty. You did this Bevy. All because daddy was more important than your new love. NOW HE’S DEAD.” Bev drops to her knees in tears, how could she let herself get so distracted how could she let Ben die? Bev, she hears an old echo of Ben’s voice. “Run, run while you can, before I EAT YOU TOO!” Bev, it’s not real. Listen Bev, come back to me. You did it once before come on! Bev can hear the sound of Ben’s voice, but she just saw his lifeless body, which reality does she believe? Bev stands up. “That’s not Ben.” The clown looks puzzled as he lifts his head from his continued meal of Ben’s body. “Nooo?” he asks curiously? “Take a closer look!” he throws Ben’s body at her landing right in front of her, the chunk missing from his side exposed his ribs cartilage hung from the bones. His hip was now expose as well, and the back-left half of his head, exposing his brain. Beverly cringed at the possibility of it being real, but she refused to believe it “No! it’s not him, and your mind games are failing you worse than they did 27 years ago!” the clown shrinks slightly, letting off a concerned quiver. “Ben!” Beverly closes her eyes trying to find her way back, when she feels to strong arms grab her shoulders “You’re back!” Ben wraps her in a hug. “I thought he had you for a second” Ben adds “Beverly buries her face into his chest gripping his side to make sure it was still there “Yeah, you too.” She steps back to look at him, making sure it is really him and not another trick. The corners of Ben’s mouth curves up “So that’s what you’re afraid of huh? Me being like the rest?” She shakes her head. “No, I know you could never. But I’m afraid I won’t know how to love you back, and I’ll lose you because of it.” Bens grin grows, showing his teeth and closing his eyes to take in the woman he loves. “Bev, I’ve waited 27 years, you have no idea the patience I have.” They both laugh, but reality sets in and they turn back to their friends. Mike is still helping Bill, as Bill can’t shake that Audra would ever think that way. The four of them make eye contact from across the room and meet up in the middle. “You okay?” Ben asks Bill “Yeah, I will be. Thanks to Mike.” Mike nods and places a hand on Bills shoulder “Don’t mention it buddy. At least, not till we’re all out of here.” All four of them nod in agreement. Ben and Bev share a look, they know they love each other and need to make it out so they can show it. “Where’s Richie?” Bill asks looking around. Eddie’s voice can be heard in the distance. “Richie! I got’em, I think I killed it for real this time!” They all share a look then run in the direction of Eddie’s voice. They all reach the scene just in time to see the clown spear Eddie through the chest as he lays over top of Richie. “It’s not real! It can’t be real!” Ben yells in anger. “It’s not! Look!” Bev points in the distance. The clown had Eddie locked in his deadlights, the real Eddie was suspended in the air eyes a solid bright white. He was bleeding, but only from his nose and the hole in his cheek from Bowers. Richie was lying on the ground “Richie.” Fake Eddie says Richie’s name with such sadness. “Eddie.” Richie replies. Had the other losers not seen real Eddie suspended in the air they would have thought it was real too. Bill and Mike run to save real Eddie and Bev and Ben run to Richie to try and snap him out of it. Pennywise is focused on his task at hand, destroying Richie, he was not looking to any of the other losers. “Rich! Come on man it’s not real. Eddie is fine!” Ben tries to yell into Richie’s ear to bring him back. Fake Eddie falls to the ground off of Its claw. Richie runs to Eddies side “Eddie!” he places his hand against Eddie’s cheek. “Rich, I have to tell you something.” Ben and Bev try to get closer, but the clown has realized they are there. Smashing his claw in front of them, forcing sharp spikes to appear in front of them “You saved each other, you can’t save this one. His secret will kill you ALL” Ben throws a piece of rock at the clown. “You can’t have him! Just like you can’t have US!” Pennywise laughs mocking “You can’t have him, like you can’t have us. FOOL. I already have you, you just taste better when your riddled with sadness along with fear.” Ben stares at Pennywise, he won’t this thing believe he fears it any longer, not when his friends are in danger. Without breaking eye contact he yells for Mike and Bill “Boys! You gotta get a move on over there!” Meanwhile Richie is still with Eddies dying body. “what is it Eds?” Eddie looks Richie in the eyes “I fucked your mom.” Richie knows he’s making the joke to try and make him laugh but Richie can’t laugh as he loses the love of his life, especially before he knows he loves him. Richie tries to muster the courage to tell him, at least before he dies, that he’s gay, and in love with the man dying in front of him. Mike and Bill finally get Eddie down, his eyes are still locked in the deadlights. “what do we do?!” Mike yells to Bill “Wh-what got Bev back?” they both remember the kiss then look to each other and know neither of them will be the one to bring him back. As far as they knew, no one could, not even his wife. They carry Eddie over to Ben and Bev “What do we do?” Bill asks. It’s in that moment Ben figures it out. Bill saw Audra, he hurt his true love and that was his biggest fear, Bevs fear was not being able to show her love for the person she desperately wanted to. Richie was seeing Eddie die. Eddie was his key. “We gotta get Richie out of it, they can only save each other. We’re fucked without them.” Ben and Bill run to Richie’s side. “Come on Rich, we gotta get the clown, we got to get the clown to save Eddie” Richie stands as fake Eddie closes his eyes, the rage boiling inside him he turns to the clown. Mike and Bev make their way toward the clown “Bev, hitting him isn’t the only way to make him feel small.” Bev and Mike start to berate the clown, still throwing things at him as they try to tear him down, Ben, Bill, and Richie make their way into the pack. The Losers, down two, make do with the five of them. Standing together screaming about the absence of fear, and how weak the clown is. “You’re a sloppy bitch!” Richie adds in. The clown tries at first to turn into the things they fear most, to use their nightmares against them. He cowered, defenselessly as he shrunk in size. It wasn’t long before it was all over. Richie still couldn’t tell the difference between worlds. Just because the clown was gone real Eddie was still in a daze, the deadlights were gone but Eddie himself was not back. Richie runs back to fake Eddie who is clearly dead. The losers try to pry him away from Eddie as all the walls fall in around them “I’m not leaving him!” Richie will be the death of them if they can’t get him away from imposter Eddie. “We got Eddie! We’ll carry him out. THIS ISN’T EDDIE!” Ben yells to Richie. Richie sees they don’t grab Eddie’s body and tries to run back; Mike and Bill pull Richie with them so they can all escape before everything crumbles around them. Ben and Bev make it out first, followed by Mike and Bill dragging Richie. “Noo!!!” Richie yells as he tries to claw his way back to the house. Richie drops to his knees in tears. “Rich.” Ben says softly, “I told you I wouldn’t leave him.” Richie turns in shock crawling over to Eddie’s body. “Eddie!” there’s no hole in his chest and now Richie realize what almost happened. His hidden love for Eddie was almost the death of all of his friends. “Eds.” Richie says again placing his hand back on to Eddie’s cheek as he always does. Ben softly explains “He was in the deadlights Rich. It had him caught in the deadlights so he could prey on your fear of losing him. Just like he made Bev see me dead, and Bill believing he hurt Audra.” Richie looks up at Ben with a puzzled look. Does he know? Do they all know? “Rich, remember when we were kids. Ben kisses me to bring me back?” Bev asks suggestively. “I… I can’t.” Richie replies with tears slowly streaming down his face. “Why?” they all ask in unison “That worked because you loved him back, Eddie doesn’t ... Eddie… It won’t work.” Ben grabs Richie’s shoulder turning him to be sure Richie was listening “When the clown was going after Bev, he didn’t completely stop me, he blocked me and tried to keep me away, but I was able to save her, and talk to her. But he had to make sure Eddie couldn’t get to you, make you see the true reality. There could only be one reason for that.” Bev leans in “What would it hurt to try?” Richie stares at both of them, then up to Bill and Mike. He wasn’t able to confess his love and sexuality on his own terms and that scared him more than the clown. He looks to them for more than just courage to kiss Eddie, but the acceptance, of them all knowing that is something he has wanted since they were younger. He found no judgment in his friend’s eyes. He found love, and hope, but some fear, fear that Richie couldn’t do it. Richie nods, he leans down over Eddie’s body staring at his face, the face he’s admired since a child. He closes his eyes and brings his lips gently against Eddie’s, lingering for just a moment, then pulling back. “Eds?” All the losers stare hoping for Eddie to come back. He doesn’t move. Richie’s shoulders drop in defeat. “NO! No, that’s not right. He loves you, you’re the key to bring him back” Bill yells as he steps away. Beverly looks to her newfound love “Ben, when it had me stuck, and I thought you were dying, you called to me, talked to me. Maybe, maybe that’s what Eddie needs.” Ben and Bev look back to Richie. “Talk to him Rich, tell him everything you’ve wanted to, but were too afraid to say out loud.” Bev says to Richie as she stands next to Ben “We’ll give you some space.” The four other losers make their way to the quarry to give Richie and Eddie time together, worst case scenario Eddie really is gone, and it’s Richie’s right to have time with him alone. Richie lifts Eddie’s head into his lap, “Eds, I have to tell you something… I love you. I’ve loved you for 27 years. When I said I threw up when Mike called? It wasn’t because of the clown… It was you Ed. I wasn’t sure I could see you again, knowing the danger we were going into. I wanted to tell you. I was going to, before we had to fight it. But, but you mentioned a wife. I figured that was my answer without having to out myself. There’s no reason to be out if the only guy I love wasn’t going to have me. You’re the only one I want Eds, the only one. And if you don’t come back right fucking now” Richie holds Eddie tight against him as he begins to cry. Eddie’s body twitches slightly, Richie pulls back because he’s not sure if it was his own shudder or really Eddie. Richie examines all of Eddies body hoping to see something, anything for hope. Eddie’s fingers twitch and his eyes blink. “Ed! Eddie! Hey buddy can you hear me?” Richie yells with excitement. Eddie is not fully back, but he is starting to respond. Richie gets an idea and it makes his entire face light up. “Okay baby, hang on.” Richie picks up Eddie and carries him to lovers bridge. It’s a long walk and Richie is exhausted, but he refuses to give you. The whole walk their Richie replays memories out loud for Eddie to hear “Remember when you said fuck germs just so we could share an ice cream, or when we shared the hammock, I’ve loved you since then buddy, I have. Remember, remember when I wanted to help your arm, but you didn’t want me to touch you.” Richie chuckles as he thinks back to little Eddie yelling “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME” it wasn’t funny in the moment, but it’s funny now. Richie gently places Eddie against the wooden railing next to a bunch of old carvings. “Okay.” Richie says taking a deep breath, “This, this isn’t something I ever planned to share with you unless I had the balls to admit I loved you, and you somehow reciprocated. I did this Ed.” Richie points as he reads it out loud “R+E I did this that summer Eds, I did this after I was scared away from the arcade, I knew it was true and I knew I loved you. No matter how much that clown scared me, you knowing and not loving me back, scared me more.” Richie stares at the faded carving, and pulls out a pocketknife to freshen it up, making it as deep as he can. “If you don’t wake up Eddie, just know I’ll always love you just as much as I always have. R+E” Richie finishes up fixing the E making it deep and prominent, as he brushes away the shavings, he feels something touch his arm. He looks down to see Eddie trying to reach for his arm. “Eddie!” Richie screams with excitement and reaches for Eddie, who winces in pain. “Rich.” Eddie says weakly. “What is it?” Rich asks “I… look.” Eddie tries to lift his arm to point but he falls short “The heart Rich.” Richie looks at the bridge “Yeah bud, there’s a lot of those.” Eddie huffs in exhaustion “With the R asshole.” Richie sees it as Eddie says it. “I loved you too. Still do.” Richie places his hand over the heart he starts to sob thinking of everything he almost lost. “Ya’know Eds. I thought your last words were going to be ‘I fucked you mom’ and that was going to suck.” Eddie half laughs “Well, one that wasn’t me, so it doesn’t count.” Richie smiles and says “Right, and what’s two then?” Eddie smiles leaning his head back against the bridge “Two. Two is I fucking love you idiot. Now kiss me.” Richie stares at him “Should... should I take my shirt off first?” Eddie starts to laugh but it’s painful “Sorry.” Richie says as he leans in to kiss the man he’s always loved. This time Eddie responds and presses his lips back against Richie’s. Richie pulls back to see Eddie smiling “How’s that for a first kiss.” Richie adverts his eyes “Actually… it’s our second. I tried to do the Ben thing, but it didn’t work.” Eddie looks confused so Richie explains “Maybe it was because I was supposed to kiss your mouth not your-“ Eddie interrupts him “You didn’t?!” Richie laughs “Of course not! I barely had the balls to kiss you in front of everyone.” Eddie is confused again “Wait, in front of everyone?” Richie nods “Yeah, apparently Ben knew we were both gay the whole time, him and Bev were trying to convince me you would survive if I kissed you.” Eddie looks concerned “What about Mike and Bill?” Richie smiles “Nothing but support from all the losers.” Eddie visibly becomes less tense, “That’s, that’s good… Where is everyone now?” Richie shrugs “well when the kiss didn’t work, we all figured you were dead, so they left me to be alone with you dead body.” Eddies fury comes to a head making Richie realize he really is back, alive, and almost well. “WHAT THE FUCK?! THEY WEREN’T GOING TO SAY GOODBYE!” Richie can’t help but laugh. “Let’s get you up so you can go yell at them in person.” Richie stands then leans down to scoop Eddie up from under his shoulder “Were you always this strong.” Eddie asks, “Only when I’m trying to show off.” Richie replies. Eddie smiles as they hold eye contact, he reaches up and kisses Richie again. Richie smiles into the kiss which makes Eddie smile, they are soon just standing teeth against teeth neither moving. “Come on baby, I want to show off my save to those losers.” Eddie smiles “I can’t believe they all know were gay.” They both laugh as they make their way to quarry. Richie approaches first “Hey guys.” He says flatly to his friends who are playing in the water. They all stop as they see him standing alone. “Rich...” Bev says devastatingly. Richie nods as if to answer all of their pending questions “So turns out I’m gay.” They all half smile, knowing he only felt the need to tell them himself since they all already knew. “Rich-“ Bill starts but is interrupted by another man “Yeah, me too apparently.” Eddie comes from around a tree, bracing himself against it. All the losers are in shock “Eddie!” Ben yells and they all pile out of the water to greet the friend they thought they had lost. “Easy guys! He’s still hurt!” Richie says defensively. Eddie smiles at Richie with thankful eyes. Mike comes up to Richie, placing an arm around his shoulder “So when’s the wedding?” Richie laughs “After the divorce.” Mike walks over to hug Eddie and Richie trails behind. “To think we all almost died cause this guy was too chicken to say he loved me.” Eddie jokes “You’re kidding right? Guys he carved a heart into lovers bridge with an R in it years ago. R for Richie!” All the losers laugh and playfully mock Eddie as the two new lovers make eye contact again Eddie trying to look mad but it’s not working and Richie smiling ear to ear. “This is how this is gonna be Rich?” Eddie asks, trying to pretend to be annoyed but failing “You know it babe.” They smile at each other softly, knowing they didn’t just defeat the damn clown, but they defeated their biggest fears and because of it, get to have each other.

[asherlockstudy]

Braime S8E4

I am gonna tell myself to fuck off with my obsession with this particular part of the plot right after this but you know

maybe we just saw the heartbreaking fulfillment of Azor Ahai’s prophecy

this is the first caption from their love scene

Oathkeeper and its lion in front of the fire. Oathkeeper is the symbol of Jaime’s love for Brienne and of the man he aspires to be

The last criterion for the fulfillment of the prophecy is that AA sacrifices his loving wife Nissa Nissa, asking her to bare her breasts which Nissa Nissa does eagerly

Nissa Nissa's cry of anguish and ecstasy left a crack across the face of the moon.

So there’s both anguish and ecstasy. No death would ever be more torturous for Brienne than the ultimate betrayal from the only man she truly loved and eventually trusted in. Jaime took everything from her (anguish) right after he gave her everything (ecstasy). 

I wholeheartedly say that I would prefer Brienne to die 10 honourable deaths than what she goes through here because this is what Brienne always feared.  This is worse than death for her. 

"Killing” Nissa Nissa though was the ultimate sacrifice for Azor Ahai himself, which leaves me with the hope that Jaime intends to kill Cersei. Jaime has said almost the exact same words about what he can do for Cersei to Edmure Tully. He managed to fill him with fright for his baby son’s life and consequently took the castle without even a soldier’s nosebleed. Hopefully, he thinks Brienne must hate him in order to ensure she stays safe at Winterfell but he completely misjudges that what he did was as bad for her as if he just had driven his sword in her heart instead. 

The only problem is that the Oathkeeper is still with Brienne and I doubt the stupid Widow’s Wail is Lightbringer. But [spoiler] I saw some info that Brienne as well as Sansa, Arya and Bran will head south soon because the actors filmed in Croatia. Brienne might intend to take revenge or maybe clever Sansa will advice her to calm down and rethink if Jaime’s words and actions make sense. Revenge could be possible as it might be a twist in GRRM’s plot where Lady Stoneheart commands Brienne to kill Jaime and that’s the last we know about her. 

I’m still worried about how Jaime will acquire Oathkeeper when Brienne arrives at King’s Landing. Jaime doesn’t need Oathkeeper for Cersei because we assume he will strangle her, according to the Valonqar prophecy. Maybe Jaime’s role is bigger than just taking Cersei out of the way (Bran?) and this is where he will need the sword.  However, it would be too much if Brienne ALSO dies after her faith in Jaime is restored just for him to take the sword because she’s done her part, she’s tortured enough. Hopefully he will just lose his own and ask for it or she will give it back to him when she meets him again, meaning everything between them is over. Another problem is that if Jaime kills Cersei and then becomes AA viewers might have problem realizing that his actual sacrifice was breaking Brienne’s heart and not killing Cersei. Another problem is that for any of this to make sense Brienne and the Starks will have to take a fucking airplane in order to arrive at King’s Landing and find Jaime in time. 

There are many ways things can go wrong and the reason is, well, the terrible writing. Even if the major things that happen are interesting, honestly Missandei’s and Rhaegal’s death, Daenerys’ increasing paranoia (I start understanding her), the change of most characters’ allegiances, everything that happens between Brienne and Jaime, Bronn etc etc would all be great stuff if only they were properly shown in a 10 episode long season or even more. Right now characters just jump to new places with completely changed behaviours and beliefs and it’s just maddening. I don’t get why they tried to squeeze everything in 6 episodes like someone is chasing them with a gun. Especially if we have more to see from Bran, then, I bid my farewells to the show’s ambitions.

This is irrelevant but as a Braime shipper... was I the only one who was somewhat put off by their scene? The directing in this episode was really atrocious and the actors felt like they didn’t have the right guidance. The writing was just as bad. Jaime and Brienne’s first time didn’t happen under good and in character circumstances. Jaime wouldn’t drown her to alcohol and grasp the opportunity after his brother shouted in the room she’s a virgin. He wouldn’t be that much of a disaster either and Brienne wouldn’t be like “oh the heck with it”. Or maybe he would be a disaster but in a charming way not a comedic one. I was also surprised at a certain lack of chemistry there before the kiss between them since they have proven their insane chemistry many times before. Maybe this was a challenge for Gwen as a relatively new actress (although she nails it previously despite the horrendous writing) (but Nik was off too) or them being friends IRL was making this too awkard for them (like Rupert Grint and Emma Watson in Harry Potter) or maybe the director really left them hanging because the scene was cut abruptly, the angles were freaking weird (did anyone feel Nik was closer to the cam than Gwen? and probably on a box or something? he looked shorter but huge). I think the directing and writing of the scene made the actors uncomfortable and we lost a scene that could have easily been one of the very best of the show. In their defense, there are many as awkward or just plain dumb scenes in this episode including teleporting from one place to the next only to be attacked by a freaking navy in seconds, a navy everyone missed in the perfect daylight. 

There was only one true to herself character with a nice development: Arya. I am sure Gendrya shippers are heartbroken but I honestly feel it was something positive because it shows Arya remained who she was, no man or one night stand could change her. She was never one for romance. Been there, done that but her priorities were always different. She finally chooses to become again the companion of the person she secretly bonded the most with and it is not sexual or romantic. It’s mentor and student, father and daughter-like or something more unconventional than that but as strong and meaningful. Hats off to that. 

No wonder Gwen and Emilia were dropping hints there were many shitty decisions taken by the writers. I will fucking have to read the books. In the meantime, I hope Jaime proves he never meant to leave Brienne for Cersei otherwise we are talking about the most despicable and idiotic character I’ve ever had the misfortune to feel and root for. Until he proves that, this is the last piece I write for GOT, I’m not wasting more time to a potential dumbass and those who thought he was a good idea.  

[beesmygod]

this is what riverdale is about (part 5)

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

hey guys. im back to upset you with more information about the first season of riverdale. the next post will wrap up season one. this post will cover eps 7-9. iirc the previous episodes, even when watching it, felt like filler. i was worried i was never going to get the fire of the first three episodes back. we do. don’t worry.

images are from the riverdale wiki

SEASON 1 (PART 3):

in a lonely place: jughead is now living in the high school, living every weirdo teenager’s worst nightmare. even better, literally everyone finds out about his relationship with betty “harriet the spy” cooper, making things a little awkward in the group. while discussing polly’s bold escape, cheryl’s goon squad of mean teen girls let her know the hot goss, which she takes to her mother and the sheriff to implicate polly in the murder of jason blossom. she then, and i mean this 100% literally and honestly, goes on twitter and tries to get the following hashtags trending: #PollyCooperKilledMyBrother, #NowhereToHide, and #SharpenYourPitchforks.

jughead then tries to convince his alcoholic, gang leader dad to shape up and get his job back at andrews construction but his dad is a stupid dick. later the gang goes on a hunt for polly in the woods. when this is unsuccessful, betty’s mom reveals ALL about polly’s pregnancy on camera during her plea for her to come home. it turns out polly is just hiding in the attic of the house, where betty finds her. polly begs betty not to tell anyone where she is and that she wants to have the baby and continue with her plan to go to the farm upstate where she will raise it herself. keep that in mind.

with the knowledge about the baby out in the open, cheryl offers an olive branch to betty by offering to let polly secretly stay at their house. cheryl is truly a capricious trickster spirit who pivots from one extreme to another at the drop of a hat.

then literally the most crazy and inexplicable thing int his episode happens: veronica, kevin and josie go to a fucking club on a school night. these teenage kids go to a club in a town that primarily runs on maple syrup and they are let in for some unexplained reason and this is just portrayed as a normal thing you can do in riverdale. they are minors and end up drinking for free when hermoines mom cancels her card and they threaten the owner by exposing him for serving minors. this scene is BONKERS

jugheads dad goes back to work with fred andrews but there’s tension between him and archies dad. literally none of it ends up mattering. don’t worry about it. jughead tells his dad that his mom is getting her GED, working in a call center to support jellybean (his little sister, not like a dog or something). this is a huge spoiler from the future but i dont know if the riverdale writers forgot about this scene or don’t care but none of this turns out to be true to their situation at all. not even close.

jughead is arrested and unarrested for jason’s murder when archie’s dad inexplicably forges a time card to cut him loose. the only proof was fingerprints on the torched car, which are still there for some reason. cheryl intercepts betty yet again to warn her and polly that the blossoms also are insane weirdos who just want her for the baby so polly is shipped off to the stay with the lodge family in the 5 star hotel.

the final shot reveals jason’s varsity jacket is in jughead’s dad’s trailer...for some reason.....

the outsiders: this ep starts with polly explaining literally everything we already know except with the added information that jason was selling drugs FOR the southside serpents for money for the baby. betty worries about how escalating situation between the coopers and the blossoms and who gets control of what when it comes to polly and the baby, and veronica bizarrely suggests they hold a baby shower to unite the feuding families. if you just want to have a party just say so.

clifford blossom, professional bastard man, has purchased archie’s dad’s construction crew out from under him which leaves the project in limbo. he confesses to archie about how fucked the company is now and how everything is fucked. clifford is also making a play for the land veronica’s dad secretly bought from prison using his wife as a proxy, which makes the whole “let’s host a baby shower thing at our apartment and invite the blossoms” thing seem like a hugely bad idea now. BUT DONT WORRY TEAM!!! 4 high school boys are here to do construction for no pay to save the company. no one verbalizes what an insane plan this is. they carry on until moose, the big closeted gay lad, get his ass flipped like a pancake by two anonymous goons who bust up some equipment and moose’s face. archie the brain genius decides he’s going to solve this mystery himself, taking moose and jughead to a bar called “the whyte wyrm” (literally the worst name for anything ever in human history) to find out who did the slapping. as archie is about to get his head caved in by a gangster, jugheads dad shows up in his cool leather jacket, revealing himself to be the head of the gang.

the baby shower is a miserable affair. alice cooper shows up, penelope blossom shows up, for some reason they bring the senile grandmother. the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. then archie BUSTS in flipping his ass about jughead’s dad being a gangster. the just immediately throw him out which kind of rules because no one has time for him right now. the baby shower ends horrible when the blossoms make the lightest suggestion that polly might visit them and betty’s mom loses her fucking mind. everyone shuffles out except for polly, betty and alice. POLLY NOW DECIDES TO REVEAL THAT HER DAD HAD SCHEDULED AN APPOINTMENT FOR AN ABORTION APROPOS OF NOTHING. COME ONNN. anyway alice focuses her insane rage on hal who she boots out of the fucking house for his insane choice.

jughead and betty ask jugheads dad if he killed jason, he denies it and then they share a smooch outside the trailer. “they” being jughead and betty, not his dad. that would be a little too weird. well, not as weird as the reveal that jugheads dad has been instructing kevin’s serpent boyfriend to date him and pretend to like him for information.that’s pretty fucking weird. jughead’s dad refers to jason’s jacket as “insurance”.

jughead’s dad then shows up with his gang to take over the construction from the 4 high school boys, but hermoine reveals that the goons that were sent were sent by her husband, who might have caught wind of her affair with fred.

polly wisely decides to take her change with a different insane family instead of the one that tried to force an abortion on her and heads to thornhill manor with cheryl and the rest of the blossoms.

la grande illusion: i really need to thank whoever transcribed this entire narrative buttnugget from jughead because it truly is a spectacular example of the level of writing quality you get from the fine people at the cw. please enjoy this screencap of the opening monologue from the riverdale wiki:

today in riverdale is the annual meeting of the board of trustees, where the blossom family meets to discuss the state of the business and slurp syrup in redheaded harmony. the wigs on this show are outstanding and never more noticeable than when they’re all lined up in a row for you to appraise. cheryl invites archie to the tree-tapping ceremony and he, for reasons i cannot understand given everything we know and love about cheryl, accepts, albeit after some prodding on her mom’s behalf. she knows people at a very prestigious music academy you know, nudge nudge. betty thinks its also a good idea for him to go so he can check up on polly, who is ignoring betty’s calls now.

ethel, who you probably remember from the “sticky maple” episode, reads a fucked up poem to the class and veronica reaches out to ask her what the FUCK that was all about. things at home aren’t good for ethel: her family is fighting over money and they’re going to have to sell the house. so veronica invites her over for a play date with kevin so they can do whatever rich people do.

archie attends the tree tapping with cheryl where he holds a bucket and cheryl taps the tree. everyone claps. great job cheryl. archie comes to her defense when her family shit talks her ability to hit a tree or lead a company, but i guess they somehow don’t know that she is the most wild bitch on the planet and can not be dissuaded from doing anything. in fact, she insists that archie join her for a banquet later and he CANNOT say no.

betty is told polly is fine, and passes on this and the news from the blossom shareholder meeting to her mother who plans to use this information to destroy the blossoms using her newspaper. betty’s mother is truly a needlessly perpetually horrible woman for literally no reason almost 100% of the time. if its not to betty its to her sister and if not to her then to any random stranger she can sink her fangs into. however, her husband is still fucking pissed about the whole “getting thrown out” thing and is enacting a one man coupe on the newspaper. alice trashes her own office in retaliation. these people are the worst.

meanwhile veronica realizes that ethel’s dad used to work for her father, until hiram lodge’s incredibly illegal deeds financially ruined them all. ethel’s father tries to commit suicide and veronica shows up with flowers explaining how her family is the one responsible for all this. as you can expect ethel is not really pumped about this turn of events and tells her to tell the truth at her dad’s trial.

at the banquet, archie is HIGHLY encouraged by the blossoms to keep seeing cheryl. perhaps...in a romantic way? i wonder what reason this family of redheads could have for trying to indoctrinate yet another ginger into their fold. they share a weird kiss and archie flees, but not before securing two bits of information: polly warns him that the blossoms are involved in jason’s death and the blossoms themselves are close to securing the drive-in plot and part of their plan was to send veronica’s father to jail to eliminate the competition.

betty FOR SOME REASON invites her mother to write her expose at the school newspaper. why? i don’t know. her mom accepts. why? i don’t know. archie’s girlfriend, valerie, dumps him because he’s been spending so much time for cheryl, which i don’t know what he was expecting. in the final scene, cheryl, spurned by archie, scratches out his and polly’s face from a photo of the tree tapping. like a normal person would

---

if you like my posts and write ups on various things you can see more of it on my patreon, which is primarily for my webcomic, but sometimes other things too. consider tossing me a buck for more freebies. ok bye see you next time for the end of season 1

[bluerene]

don’t think twice [bbrae]

hellooooo friends!! Happy belated Valentine’s Day! 

I had wanted to share a few one-shots for my tumblr valentines earlier this week, but after getting swamped with a paper and a surprise fever, I realized I would not be posting anything in time for the day of hearts :( That said, I still have some gifts to upload so I’ll be staggering these out over the next few days in celebration of my favorite ships and my favorite people on this website and in this fandom.

So, without further ado, my first Valentine goes to @fireflyxrebel , without whom my starx fics + writing presence here would not have existed. Thanks for always being down to chat, Ava, and being the sweetest + most supportive mom friend ever. You’re an astoundingly beautiful, creative, TALENTED human. Love you lots!

Please note - if you’re using tumblr mobile to read this, the formatting will be 100% fucked. I’m not sure why, but there are a lot of random instances of italicization + gross spacing. Sorry <3

Also, not to used cursed terminology, but it’s a tiny bit lemon scented. Or is it lime scented? That’s right, folks, we are BACK on the citrus scale. 

don’t think twice 

How did I live in a kingdom of thieves? 

And people who say things they don’t really mean?

You’re only everything I ever dreamed of.

You must be kidding me, did you really think I could say no?

- Don’t Think Twice, Hikaru Utada

It wasn’t until they had crossed the threshold, their limbs entangled as they landed on the bed, her veil askew and his dress shirt half-unbuttoned, that they realized what they had done.

“Wife,” Gar whispered, nuzzling her neck sweetly. He curled his body around hers, breathing a sigh of relief as they sank into the soft duvet of their bed. 

“It doesn’t feel real, does it?” She mused, studying the silver band on her finger with wide eyes, “after everything that’s happened, I didn’t know if things would ever work.”

He chuckled and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

“You had doubts?”

“You didn’t?” 

“Well, I wasn’t sure if you’d make it all the way down the aisle and still say yes.”

She elbowed him sharply, rolling her eyes. 

“Careful, it’s not too late to get an annulment.”

“You’d just do it all over again in two months like we planned,” he said cheekily. 

Raven smiled, raising her hands to cup his face. 

“Yeah,” she agreed, “you’re probably right about that.”

Her cheeks were pink when she leaned in, brushing her lips against his teasingly. He whimpered when she pulled away, catching her palm and pressing his mouth against it, watching her with dark eyes. 

“Help me get ready for bed?” 

The desire that had pooled in his stomach gave way to pure adoration. He nodded and clambered off the bed, bounding over to her side and scooping her up into his arms. 

She suppressed a giggle and wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to carry her to the bathroom. 

Gar flicked on the light and whistled, admiring the polished marble and crystalline glow that filled the room.

“Not bad for a shotgun wedding, huh?”

“We owe Kori big time, you know. She was ready to cry when I told her we wanted to elope early.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t follow us here.”

Raven snorted, patting his chest to let her down, “Believe me, she tried. I had to remind her several times that we would still be having a formal ceremony in December. This was her compromise - she insisted on booking the most expensive honeymoon suite in Vegas in exchange for her silence. I have no idea how she’s going to explain that gap in their finances to Dick.”

“Best sister ever,” Gar commented affectionately, nipping his wife’s ear, “okay, where do we start?”

She touched the top of her head and frowned, wrapping her fingers around the band of the veil that was half-attached to her hair. 

“There are some pins here that you could take out. And then start on the buttons on the back of my dress? I can take the choker off myself.”

“Sure.” 

Her hands went to the clasp of the white ribbon around her neck while his combed through her hair, unpinning the purple waves that were contained beneath the sheer fabric. He glanced around the bathroom, his gaze landing on the massive claw-foot tub that sat a few feet away from them. 

“Hey, Rae, how does a bath sound?” He murmured, sliding the veil off of her head and placing it beside the sink.

“Bubbles and all?” 

“I’m on it, can you finish your dress by yourself?”

She nodded, smiling at his reflection in the mirror.

“Just undo the first few buttons and I can do the rest.”

He took his time with them, not missing the opportunity to press his fingers against her bared skin. Her eyes fluttered shut while he did so, her mouth falling open when his breath warmed her flesh. 

“Don’t get distracted,” she warned.

“Me? I would never,” he teased, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck before seating himself on the edge of the tub. He turned on the faucet and placed his fingers beneath the flowing water absentmindedly, his attention fixed on her. 

Gar spent more than his fair share of time wondering how he’d been so lucky. How, after years of fighting and facing the worst of the world, he had wound up tasting heaven and claiming a piece of it for himself. Moreover, allowing himself to be taken time and time again by its allure, ferocity, and wit. 

Even in the weeks leading up to their wedding, a tiny part of him was certain it wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t happen. Arella would withdraw her blessing. Steve and Rita would blow them off in favor of a mission that required their immediate assistance. Something would get in the way. And as the first ceremony neared, Gar began to panic. 

On the sixteenth of October, two full months before their scheduled trip to Azarath and the subsequent white wedding they had planned to host in Jump, Gar asked Raven to marry him again.

She had only raised an eyebrow, shutting the novel in her lap and setting it aside on her bed. 

“I feel like we already had this conversation.”

“I mean, now. Like, now, now.”

She pursed her lips. 

“What about the actual wedding?”

Gar shook his head, bouncing with excitement. 

“Don’t you see? None of that stuff matters, Rae, not when we have each other, not when we want to get married and we’re ready to do it.”

Raven crossed her arms, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Okay, what’s wrong with you? I thought you were excited about doing a bigger thing. The whole Doom Patrol promised to be there, everyone in the Network is showing up, Vic’s been planning the ‘bachelor party of the century’ for ages. My mom’s even convinced the Head Priestess to let us bring the others to Azarath for our binding. We can’t just cancel on these people, Gar.”

“Is there something so wrong with me wanting to be with you for the rest of my life as soon as possible?”

She scowled.

“What is this, do you think we’re going to call it quits five minutes before or something? I planned on being with you for the rest of my life the moment I said yes to you. Isn’t that enough?”

“If words were enough, I wouldn’t have proposed at all.” He snapped, running a hand through his hair. 

“Okay,” Raven said sharply, rising from her seat, “I don’t want this to go any further. We aren’t fighting about this. So you can either tell me why you suddenly want to elope or you can walk away from this conversation, and we can pretend it didn’t happen.”

Gar squeezed his eyes shut and sighed tiredly, rubbing the side of his face.

“Sorry. That was too far, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.”

“You know I love you more than anything in the world.”

“I know that too.”

“I just, ah, I guess I’ve been waiting for something to go wrong,” he confessed, fidgeting nervously, “Vic and Sarah had to postpone their wedding twice because things came up. Kori almost died three weeks before her bachelorette party and Dick broke six bones saving someone else on their honeymoon. I’m so fucking tired of being afraid, Rae. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want anything to get in the way. I just want you to be my wife.”

Her glare softened immediately and she stepped forward, circling her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek to his chest.

“I’ve been picking up waves of concern from you for weeks,” she confessed, “I just didn’t know if you wanted to talk about it. I’m sorry, Gar.”

He dropped a kiss on her head, rubbing her back soothingly.

“I got defensive. I shut you out. That’s my fault, not yours. But I still want to get married, right now.”

“Gar -”

“We don’t have to cancel our other plans, Rae, nothing needs to change! We can sneak off to Vegas tonight and get hitched and nobody would even need to know -”

She rolled her eyes, snuggling into his form.

“Bold of you to assume Kori wouldn’t find out.”

“- about us at the end of the day, right? I just want to be married to you. I want to call you my wife. No matter what goes wrong tomorrow or next week or the night before our marriage.”

“Okay.”

“So I don’t see why we can’t - wait, what?” Gar blinked and gripped her arms, pulling her away from him to study her face, “You mean it? We can go?”

She smiled and touched his cheek. 

“I love you, Gar. I would never say no to marrying you, no matter when you had asked. I just didn’t want you to make a choice you couldn’t defend.”

“So...we’re getting married? Tonight?” 

Raven nodded, gazing into his bright eyes. 

“Let me talk to Kori and see if she can cover for us. Go ahead and pack some stuff together.”

He morphed into a wolf and let out a loud howl, bounding around her excitedly before knocking her to the ground and licking her face enthusiastically.

“Down - boy,” she managed between laughs, scratching behind his ears. She rubbed her cheek against his affectionately and rose from the ground, adjusting her cloak and heading into the hallway. 

It would be a few days before they managed to slip away, having obtained permission and “the essentials that you must take with you if you wish for me to keep your secret!” that were so lovingly bestowed upon them by their dear sister. But in the end, it was absolutely worth it.

“GAR.” 

A loud shriek from Raven broke him out of his reverie, drawing his attention to the scalding water that was burning his hand. Gar yelped and pulled his hand away immediately, wincing at the stinging sensation on his reddened skin.

“Idiot,” Raven scolded, taking his hand in hers tenderly. She clasped her cool fingers around it and closed her eyes, breathing deeply.

“Azarath Metrion Zinthos.”

A gentle trickling washed over the injury, soothing it until the pain had faded to a faint tingling. 

“Thanks, babe. My bad.”

“Go and change out of your suit, I’ll finish making up our bath,” she ordered, shaking her head.

He obeyed immediately, loosening his tie and placing it with the growing pile of her discarded accessories. His suit jacket, dress shirt, and undershirt landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, his dress pants and socks following soon after. A fluffy robe hung invitingly beside the bathroom door and he couldn’t resist slipping into it.

“Done,” he chirped, approaching his new wife, who was also swathed in a fluffy robe identical to his. 

She smiled up at him, drawing her fingers out of the tub and shaking them dry. 

“It’s almost ready, though I’m tempted to just curl up in bed wearing these.”

“The goal is to get naked, not bundle up.”

“Maybe your goal is to get naked,” she shot back, “but mine is to be cozy.”

He grinned.

“We can get cozy and naked. Let me warm you up -”

“Oh look, the bath is full,” Raven said airily, smirking when his ears drooped, “I’ll add the bubbles, you can light the candles.”

“Do you plan on teasing me all night or...?”

She flashed him a rare grin, her dark eyes glinting mischievously.

“Would I really be your wife if I didn’t?”

Gar pouted and wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face in her hair. 

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know,” she breathed, placing her hands on his and lacing their fingers together.

“We did it. We’re married, Rae.”

His nose sought out her skin, his tongue tracing the shell of her ear slowly. Her dreamy sighs were music to his ears.

The jewel in the center of her forehead flared black for a moment, the lights around them flickering in tandem with each brush of his mouth against her body.  A growl rumbled from deep within his chest, the echoes of his inner beast stirring to recognize their mate. She smelled sweet and clean, like a burst of fresh air on the ocean breeze. 

“Gar,” she murmured, stepping away from the tub, “wait.”

She pushed him off of her gently, biting her lip as she studied him in the soft lighting. His eyes were a warm, dark, emerald shade of green, filled with desire and happiness and longing. His shoulders had broadened in the last few years, complementing his added height and sharpened jaw. But beneath the figure of a man, she could feel the same boy who had called her weird while never truly minding her weirdness. His heartbeat always quickened at her touch. His gaze always brightened. His ears always twitched.

“I love you too,” she whispered, slowly loosening the belt around his waist and pushing the robe off his shoulders. She turned her head, and he followed her gaze, promptly stripping out of his boxers and climbing into the tub. Slowly, with a quiet hesitancy he hadn’t witnessed in a long time, she raised her hand, sending black flashes of energy to each candle that had been placed in the bathroom. Her eyes glowed, and the dimmer on the light switch lowered, leaving them in darkness lit only by gentle flares. 

He watched unashamedly as the robe slipped from her form, revealing a band of dark blue lace that hugged her breasts and hips tightly. A strip of white lace sat high on her thigh, looking strikingly bright against the smooth grey of her skin. 

“Something borrowed and something blue,”  Raven said shyly, “I figured we could keep things a little traditional.”

“Yeah,” Gar replied, mouth going dry at the sight of his near-naked wife in the candlelight, “Something old and something new?”

She neared the edge of the tub, bracing herself with his shoulder and climbing in. 

“The necklace was my mother’s. I’ll wear it again in December. As for the new...”, she stroked his hair gently, “I plan to keep my new husband on my body for the rest of the night. That counts, right?”

“Works for me,” he mumbled, running his hands up her legs. 

“Careful with the garter, that’s borrowed. Feel free to tear into the underwear as you please.”

She stood before him, sighing with delight when he gripped her hips and pressed a kiss against the curve of her waist. He hooked his fingers beneath the garter and slid it down her leg slowly, tossing it in the direction of his discarded clothes before focusing on the dark lace that curved around her ass.

“Hell yes,” he hissed, nipping at the seams with his teeth. 

Bathwater splashed over the edge as his enthusiasm overcame him. She giggled and thrashed in his hold, her laughter turned to breathless moans and pants and cries, some of which were so animalistic they rivaled his own. Waves rode out into a quiet stillness until there was only her body and his, two pieces wrapped together to form a whole. He stroked her skin gently, lavishing the parts that had been darkened by his relentless mouth. They toweled off and drained the tub, wrapped in their fluffy robes once more, and snuggled into their bed, rejoining their bodies over and over again.

When morning came, it was to bring forward the two lovers into the life they truly deserved. 

I want you for a lifetime, so if you’re gonna think twice, baby, 

I don’t wanna know, baby, I don’t wanna know.

Everything is just right, but if you’re gonna think twice, baby, 

I don’t wanna know, baby, I don’t wanna know. 

If you wanna take it to an even higher level, 

all you gotta do is say the word you know I’ll follow,

If you wanna take it to an even higher level,

I don’t, I don’t bite.

[dumners]

my tes ocs

also known as, i focus way too much on the messy dunmer and sadly no one else

The Seryiils (+the Gimayns)

Just the most dramatic family in Tamriel

oh my god there’s so much for Llirala im so sorry

Indrasi S (nerevarine) 

Dunmer - Any pronouns (tho i’ll use they)

Actual reincarnation of Nerevar, and their repressed memories affect their life in ways they don’t realize until later. Born and raised in the Imperial City. Raised in an orphanage after being abandoned there by unknown parents. Grew up to be an alchemist in the city and ran the store The Main Ingredient. Met Raldis when he delivered ingredients, they grew closer and got married, and Indrasi took his last name bcuz they didn’t have one. The two have a daughter, Llirala. Raldis dies in a bandit raid when Llirala is 6, and afterwards, Indrasi becomes distant bcuz they are working to provide for Llirala. Llirala grows up making bad decisions in an attempt to get Indrasi to pay attention to her, which eventually leaves Llirala abandoning her newborn son, Calden, with Indrasi. They raise Calden, but rarely sees Llirala during that time. Eventually, they take on an apprentice at The Main Ingredient, Ogier Georick (the actual in-game owner). Calden grows up and goes out on his own. Llirala comes back after a lotta of her own nonsense. She ends up framing Indrasi for murder, which gets them noticed by Uriel Septim VII and sent to Morrowind. 

They really only do the Main Quest in Morrowind and maybe a few side quests, but no faction quests. They slowly get their Nerevar memories back during the course of the Main Quest. They then do the Tribunal and Bloodmoon dlcs in that order. During the Tribunal dlc they basically just ignore Helseth, and during the Bloodmoon dlc they side with the Skaal. They help build Raven Rock, and then just kinda never leave. They try to go through everything with as little death as possible. By 4E 201, they are still on Solstheim, drifting in and out of Raven Rock, hanging out with the Skaal, and mooching off of Neloth.

Raldis S

Dunmer - He/Him

Pretty chill dude, kinda unfortunate that he strongly resembles Voryn Dagoth, but what can you do. Born and raised in Gnisis. Later joined a Hlaalu trading company and made deliveries mainly to Cyrodiil. Met Indrasi on one of those deliveries. They became closer, eventually married, and had Llirala. He dies in a bandit raid when Llirala is 6.

Llirala S (hok)

Dunmer - She/Her (later Daedra - Any)

Ah, my favorite shithead. Born and raised in the Imperial City. Born to Indrasi and Raldis Seryiil. Raldis died when she was only 6, which caused Indrasi to throw themself into their work so they could support Llirala. Llirala grows up to be a self-destructive mess who keeps making bad decisions in an attempt to get Indrasi to pay attention to her, and this turns into her just craving any kind of attention from anyone. She had a fling with a friend that ended in her son, Calden, who she abandoned with Indrasi. She then proceeded to travel around Cyrodiil doing favors for basically every single Daedric Prince. She joined the Arena and killed her way to the top, loving every second of the validation from the crowd. Now with the idea that “murder is okay actually” in her head, she stabbed a man who catcalled her, and proceeded to frame Indrasi for the murder, killing two birds with one knife. This got her noticed by the Dark Brotherhood. She loved her time in the Brotherhood and loved her Family, and she killed them all when ordered to. This messed her up pretty badly, but she just went “if I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.” She managed to convince herself that she was fine bcuz she still had Shadowmere and Lucien. But then Lucien died, and Llirala killed Mathieu but it was too late bcuz everyone was still dead. Llirala basically had an epiphany like “oh, maybe killing is bad,” and she abandoned the Dark Brotherhood leaving it to fall into ruin. She joined the Thieves Guild and found out that she kinda liked helping people, but by the end she didn’t want to be the Grey Fox, so she gave the job to Armand Christophe. After that she bought shoes from the Copious Coinpurse and got arrested for grave-robbing.

Then the Main Quest happened, Llirala made some good friends in Martin and Baurus, and she constantly mocked Jauffre. I’m cliche and like angst so Llirala and Martin liked each other but didn’t say anything about it until right before Martin sacrificed himself, he kissed her. Yay cliche angst! When Dagon was breaking down the Temple roof, Llirala pushed Martin out of the way of falling rubble, but it ended up falling on her instead, breaking her leg and pinning her under it. Martin sacrificed himself, and Llirala was stuck under the rubble until someone showed up. Baurus helped get her out, and Jeelius healed her leg, but she wouldn’t be able to fight the way she used to, no more sneak. Llirala spent two depressed weeks in the Imperial Palace, before being presented with the Imperial Dragon Armor. She basically snapped and ran away again, leaving behind everything that could identify her as a the HoK. 

She threw herself back into adventuring in the hopes of getting herself killed. She did the KotN, but didn’t find any peace with the Nine, and left when that was over. Immediately after being resurrected, she left and went straight to Bravil, where she heard rumors about a door out in the Bay that no one came back from the same, if at all. Before leaving, she spoke to the Night Mother who called her out on constantly abandoning everything, and berated her for still having Shadowmere and the Blade of Woe despite leaving the Brotherhood. So before Llirala left for the door, she said goodbye to her oldest companion and sent her back to the Brotherhood with her Blade of Woe. 

In the Isles, Llirala fit in, but she kept refusing to acknowledge that. She killed the Gatekeeper despite it not attacking her, and she wielded a perfect order sword for the majority of it. She tended to pick Dementia when she had to make a choice bcuz she was too depressed to deal with the brightness of Mania. Over the course of the questline, she began to really love the residents of the Isles and by the time Sheogorath turned into Jyggalag, she refused to abandon the Isles bcuz she didn’t want everyone there to die. In the fight with the Tree Clone, her order sword shatters, so after that she wields a madness sword. She became Sheogorath with the thought that it wasn’t going to be permanent, so when Jyggalag disappears she’s left standing there like.

Calden S

Dunmer(+Altmer) - He/Him

Born from a fling between Llirala and one of her friends. Raised by Indrasi in the Imperial City. Practiced destruction magic mainly. Tried to join the Arcane University many times, but was always rejected. Later traveled to Skyrim to study at the College of Winterhold (pre-Collapse). Met his future wife, Nephelle, there. Great Collapse happened. Him and Nephelle have Viri, but Nephelle dies in childbirth (bcuz i need her gone and im lazy lol). Calden loses faith in his ability to raise Viri, and when she starts speaking a strange language (dovahzul) as a baby, Calden freaks out. He asks around, is pointed toward the Greybeards, and leaves baby Viri with them due to a lack of Indrasi to foist the kid onto. 

Calden just kinda fucks off after that, but if tes vi takes place within 100 years of tes v, then he’ll be the protag if it works.

Viri (ldb)

Dunmer - She/Her

Raised by the Greybeards. Grew up only being called Dragonborn, so she had to name herself. Got the name Viri from Akaviri. When she was 2, young (like 8) Ulfric arrived to be trained, so Viri grew up with him as an older brother*. Most of Viri’s childhood was spent training her Thu’um, and reading the books available. She became fascinated with magic and practiced what she could by herself. She had a strained relationship with the Greybeards, but was very close with Paarthurnax. When the Great War started, Ulfric left, and Viri tried to go with him, but she was like 12 so she couldn’t. Later, she ran away from High Hrothgar at 17, but the war had already ended. She spent some time in Ivarstead before going up to the College of Winterhold to study magic. During her time at the College, the whole Eye of Magnus business happened, but Mirabelle survived it. After a while, she tries to leave Skyrim to explore the rest of Tamriel, but she walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there. She does the Main Quest up until the point that most people break off, bcuz she does not want to go back to the Greybeards just yet. She does the Thieves Guild, becomes the Guildmaster and returns it to its former glory. She does the Dark Brotherhood bcuz she is trying to find the familial love she never had with the Greybeards, but she just ends up being a murderer with a weird ghost friend and a demon horse. Finally finishes the Main Quest, does not touch the Civil War. And through all those questlines she completes all the Daedric Quests for one reason or another. Then she does Dawnguard, sides with the Dawnguard, gets a vampire gf, and then that vampire gf leaves to see the world, but promises to return**. Then Viri goes to Solstheim. There she meets Indrasi and manages to convince them to help her rescue Miraak, bcuz she is sick and tired of playing into the hands of the Daedric Princes, and saving Miraak would be an excellent “fuck you” to Hermaeus Mora.

*i don’t like ulfric at all, but this creates an interesting dynamic.

**Serana just needs to figure out who she is in the Fourth Era away from Viri, bcuz she doesn’t want to end up constructing her whole life around her.

Sethesi (Seth) G (kinda silly* vestige)

Dunmer - She/Her

Seth is baby and I love her so much. I made her 15 bcuz I wanted to make a shonen protag, but I also made her a mage, so she’s also a magical girl, but I also made her a necromancer, so she’s a dark magical girl. She was born and raised in the Worm Cult with her older brother, Llondryn. She had a knack for necromancy, and never really saw a problem with it bcuz she was not immune to propaganda. Llondryn managed to convince her to leave the Cult with him, but on the way out, Llondryn tried to sacrifice himself to save just her, but she didn’t realize that was happening so she ended up saving Llondryn instead. The Cultists found her, and she ended up being sacrificed to Molag Bal as an example of what happens to traitors. Escapes Coldharbour, but ends up on the Daggerfall Covenant questline bcuz I think that one fits the Main Quest best. Seth spends most of the Main Quest hiding her necromancer origins and trying to pass herself off as a templar, but finally snaps during the fight with Mannimarco and reveals her true power. She also does the Fighters and Mages Guild quests during the Main Quest, but she’s much more fond of the Mages Guild. Basically everyone who interacts with Seth adopts her as a younger sister/daughter/niece bcuz she is baby. She does quests pretty normally, and always tries to save as many lives as possible. At some point she becomes a vampire as a “fuck you” to meridia, but I’m still considering when. She also abandons her morals after that and joins the Dark Brotherhood bcuz I really need her to do that questline*. I’m not actually done with everything in eso yet, so Seth’s progression might change.

Unless something happens to contradict this in eso, after eso, Seth just wanders around Tamriel, occasionally checking in on how the world is doing.

*I say kinda silly bcuz in the spirit of mmos I gave Seth a travelling party. However, that party is Indrasi, Llirala, and Viri after their games. Yeah, that’s kinda op but all of them are hiding their true abilities, and Llirala is just not at full power bcuz of the original sheo still being around. I’m doing this bcuz it is so funny to me, especially bcuz of how many references to those games there are. The reason they are there is bcuz Viri pulled some time travel bullshit. 

Llondryn G

He/Him

Born and raised in Worm Cult with younger sister, Sethesi. Never showed much aptitude for necromancy, which made him expendable. When people started getting executed, he convinced Sethesi to try to escape. While trying to escape, Sethesi sacrificed herself to let him escape. 

I don’t know what he does later, but he eventually has kids and the family tree eventually leads to Indrasi.

Unrelated - i dont have much on them :(

Korabi

Khajiit - They/Them

Mage. Travel partners with Andenyerinwe (the Oblivion Duo). Does the Oblivion Mages Guild quests.

Andenyerinwe (Andy)

Altmer - She/Her

Goes by Andy. Battle-ax wielding, heavy-armor wearing warrior. Travel partners with Korabi (the Oblivion Duo). Does the Oblivion Fighters Guild quests.

Laurri (blades hero)

Khajiit - She/Her

Uuuuhhhh....... idk..... she’s dating Saashi?? 

Haj-xo (serious ep vestige)

Argonian - She/Her

Shadowscale. I think it’s funny if she dates Naryu bcuz it’s like assassin romeo and juliet. Also that means Veya gets two murder moms.

Nhaz (serious dc vestige)

Redguard - They/Them

I need more on them. 

Mizar (serious ad vestige)

Khajiit - He/Him

I need more on him. But he is trans. I’m also not done with the Aldmeri Dominion quests yet.

[fcbabyx]

Joaquin “Joker” Phoenix

Helloooooooo, it’s me again.... popping in after watching Joker earlier this week. You know, the controversial movie that could incite violence, crime, shootings, etc... yep that one. The one that people “are walking out “ of, yeah, that movie. As a long time comic book reader, I can assure you I stayed for the whole 2 hours. 😂😂😂😂😂

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!! 

The Good: Joaquin Phoenix , enough said. 

The Bad: 

The Ugly: the media and some’s response to the movie.

The 2 hour film did a fantastic job in humanizing and dehumanizing Arthur Fleck. The movie does a fantastic job in portraying a more human origin of the Clown Prince of Crime. Hilariously enough, people just can’t take it. The mass media and some percentage of the general public just can’t take the reality of whom The Joker is.  People can’t accept that the character that they have used in inspiring quotes and relationship goals with Harley is a sociopath murderer. You know for someone like myself, whom is a huge Red Hood fan, I just laugh at said reaction, tbh.  See how he kills my boy below. Get on with the program, people, the Joker is the personalization of insanity and chaos. 

Anyhow, the movie does a wonderful job in humanizing and dehumanizing Arthur Fleck. The low class mentally ill clown that also has to take care of his mother, Arthur Fleck. Arthur, the one that kills 3 men in the train. Actually, lets stop for a second, the killing of the 3 Wayne Enterprises boys, is the tipping point for the society. It draws a clear line of how one even is seen differently by people. However, Arthur kills the “Wayne Boys” after they wouldn’t take a no from a woman. The irony. When Arthur’s condition kicks in a.k.a the laugh, he gets their attention, and eventually kills them in an act of defense. True, he could had shot one and call it a day, but killing all 3 means no one is going to rat him out and it makes it a little more difficult to find. 

Fast forward, Arthur gets a girlfriend and mommy dearest is still waiting on the letter from Thomas Wayne. Arthur gets fired if the clown job, tries stand up comedy, that fails, and you know what, the state closes down his state doctor/program. So no meds nor resources cause they don’t give a fuck about people like Arthur. Mommy dearest has a stroke during a police interrogation about how Arthur could had possibly killed someone. At this point the public is backing up the murdering clown. Arthur, then finds a letter from mommy dearest to Thomas Wayne stating Arthur is a Wayne. Hold please. 

Arthur then goes to the Manor, meets Baby Batman, Bruce Wayne, but gets no access to meet his father. His does meet him at the theater, yeah, that theater, in which Thomas is like lol nope. Your mother adopted you whenever she worked for us and became obsessed with the idea of you being mine, but is not true. When Arthur starts being in denial, Thomas punches him in the face, and warns him about getting close to Bruce. 

Arthur then goes to the hospital, Arkham State Hospital and scares the clerk/administrator guy and gets the file. He snaps. He snaps so bad, that we realize that his girlfriend was all in his head and eventually murders mommy dearest. However, he is happy. He is sooooo happy that he kills one of his former clown coworkers when they stop by to give their condolences.  Is a bloody scene. Literally.

After that Arthur is no more and Joker is alive.  He is alone with the public backing him up and he is also invited to a live late night tv show. We all knew he was going to kill the man whom has been humiliating him on a nightly basis, on live tv tho? Of Course. When he is introduced as Joker, he explains why the makeup and how is not a political symbol. After a little more humiliation, he goes on a speech about the consequences of leaving the mentally ill and the poor to fend for themselves in a crime ridden city.  Eventually he ends his speech with a bang. A shot straight to Robert De Niro’s head. Trust me when I say, it was such a throwback to The Dark Knight Returns, when The Joker kills the audience and everyone in the room. I died, cause someone in the film’s team has at least seen the DC animated movies TT^TT . 

Anyhow, Joker gets arrested and the city is up in arms in a violent protest. As the city goes up in flames, the most famous murder of Gotham City is happening behind a theater, as the pearls hit the floor, the ambulance smashes into the patrol car freeing Joker. In true Joker fashion, we get scenes and shots of the chaos that Joker has fueled, the crime, the violence, anarchy, and nonetheless, insanity. The movie ends with a beautifully disturbing scene of Arthur killing a doctor in Arkham State Hospital and running away from the other staff members while leaving bloody footprints. The End. 

Is a fucking masterpiece.  The reason why some are upset at this movie is due to how explicit it is with the violence and crime. However, is a Joker movie. In the era where we get superhero movies and the bad guy always lose, Joker has no hero. Batman is nowhere close to be Batman. In reality DC could had started their “universe” with this movie, but they didn’t. At the same time, this movie is beautifully disturbing on its own and it works. 

I’m tired of how divided the social media is with this movie. I’m tired of seeing the ones whom have never picked up a comic book say how the movie destroyed the character and is garbage. No dude, fuck you and shut up. The character The Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime, is not what you think it is. The fucking clown, murdered Jason Todd as a teen, paralyzed Barbara Gordon/Batgirl, hence why she is in a wheelchair, he brutally beats up Harley (Mad Love), hell they both kidnapped Tim Drake ( one of the Robins) brainwashed him into thinking he was their child and had him try to kill Batman AND had him tell them Bruce Wayne is batman. The mental torture of the Batfam on the Death of the Family with the cruel joke of cutting their faces off and showing them to them. The shooting spree in the tunnel of love during The Dark Knight Returns, hell he is responsible for the death Lois Lane and Superman’s unborn baby in Injustice, the murder of Sarah, Jim Gordon’s second wife with a bullet straight to her face, the Skinning of Monty, etc.... but above all HE KILLED JASON TODD!! 

What I am saying is, this version of the Joker shows how bloody and psychotic the character is. However, The Clown Prince of Crime did had a phase on which he was the Red Hood. The Joker is not known as The Clown Prince of Crime for no reason. He is also one of the most evil villains of all time, you guys really thought it was due to his rivalry with Batsy? The clown needs Batman, he is not going to kill him, in fact when he did, he went insane. The fuck? This movie was never meant to end with Batman stopping him, it was meant to showcase, that in the end DC is not afraid to show their dark side. The Joker still has people thinking if Arthur Fleck is The Joker? Is a well written movie that destroys the image of the romanticized, idolized, mainstream Joker for plenty. Do not confuse this with me not liking pretty much any other version, anything except Jared Leto’s tbh. However, the movie its brilliant and Joaquin Phoenix deserves an Oscar for the performance. 

[i-am-parsec]

Page 4

Henrik has gone from ignoring me for weeks to monitoring my every move 24/7. Stacy goes around the house making jokes about the benefits of having an live-in doctor since she may go into labour any minute now but I can't tell she's just as worried as me about the Doc. Worried because he's not explaining himself. Worried because he won't tell what's in the goddamn book. Worried because of his reaction when she "dared" to use Google to translate the first page. Henrik claims it's ancient German, too hard for him to understand, "after all, Chase, I only lived in Berlin for a few years as a kid, I barely speak modern German!, but you can't bullshit the bullshiter, Schneeplestein.

He's scared, and while I keep telling myself I don't what of, I think it's time to face up to the facts. It's time to call mom and ask what the fuck happened the night Charles broke his arm and I met my wife.

***

I have two uncles. Both of them in prison. One of them for murder, the other for rape and murder. I had no idea they were in prison or that they existed at all. My mother told me as that trying to contact them was pointless, she swore to my father I would never meet them. Apparently delivering that fucking book wasn't his only deathbed wish, knowing him, the fucker probably made a list. I want to be mad at him, I really do, but I can't, right now I can't feel anything. There's so much going on inside my head and at the same time, it's blank. It reminds me of our time working in Arizona, the attempted robbery - when Stacy shot at that guy with the gun so close to my head, I felt the whole world going completely mute while simultaneously exploding. The ringing right after, that's how I feel now. Silenced terror.

I go back to how mom greeted me and it makes me want to scream.

"I'm glad you called, dear. You have no time to waste; now, listen carefully and everything will be alright, you are the one who's gonna get it right, son."

Reassuring words as she holds me in the monster's den. Nothing but lies, that's all this family is. She asked me to record the conversation. I should have hung up right then and there

Triplets. Dad was born first, then Lucas, then Matthew. The three of them seemed like healthy, happy boys despite their father's distant behavior. If what my mother says it's true, that grandfather I never got to meet only held his children once for a picture after they were born and never again touched them, not a hug, not a caress, not even pat on the back. Their mother tried really hard to make up for their father's lack of affectionate gestures, in other words, she spoiled them. That alone could explained my father's addictions and his brothers' criminal tendencies but mom insists there's more. She insists there is a curse.

I am going insane, aren't I? A sane person would suggest their mother to get herself checked after listening to what I did, yet here I am writing it all down, going over the recording again and again, afraid I might miss some details. This is ridiculous...

A curse has followed the Brody men for at least 6 generations. Someone, somewhere made a pact and apparently screw all of us up; with who or what is up to debate but what my family has deduced over the years is that this entity preys on all of the males who descend from that poor fucker and that it feeds off our pain (either emotional or physical) while working its way into the brain of its victims. Once it achieves this, it starts controlling the victim's body until it completely destroys it and then proceeds to start the same process with the next generation, i.e. It drives you insane and, after killing you, it starts torturing your son.

I've always doubted my mother’s sanity but this certainly sounds like reason enough to lock her up in an asylum - although, given the fact that I might go crazy myself in a matter of months, maybe that's a not a good idea; last thing I need is to end up trapped in a mental institution with her. That could totally happen, I'm unlucky like that, as time has proven more than once.

From here on, I'll just write down her exact words, I'm done with trying to process all this crap, it's obviously not happening. 

"Your father loved you and me more than anyone has ever loved anyone in this world. He made the biggest sacrifices so you and every other man with Brody blood on their veins could get an actual fighting chance, a shot at happiness. He went through Hell, and back for us, my love, and maybe you think ‘no, that's not right, he put us through Hell, he was the devil himself’, but that's just not true and you know it. Maybe that thing managed to slip away from your memory but it’s not an easy sight to forget, once you see it, it sticks with you forever, and you saw it, son, many times. Every time your father pinned you down on the floor, every time he burned your skin with a cigarette, every time he threaten you or me to kill us, there it was, relishing in our fear. You have to understand, Chase, that while all of us could see it, no one knew how to stop it, no one was brave enough to find out, except your father and his brothers. He wasn't the horrible man everyone saw from the outside, he was and will always be the tender boy I fell in love with so many years ago.

He didn't know what was going to happen to him as he grew older, his father never warned him - you see, that was your grandfather’s strategy. This thing needs the victims to love and be loved, to have hope and dreams, it needs them to be happy, so he can rip their happiness apart. Your grandfather learned this from the old book I sent you and he concluded that if he stayed away from his sons and never allowed himself to love anyone, he would be safe, he could starve the demon and maybe even destroy it. But there's no escape from love, no matter how bad it hurts. He suffered just as much as your dad did, but got nothing out of it. When your dad and uncles found out about this curse of sorts, they realized there was no point in trying to fight it, so they didn't. They let it consume them completely, so they could learned as much as possible from it, what it was, how it behaved and especially, how to kill it.

I knew your uncles. They were good men, and they loved your father very much. By the time your grandfather died and the truth came out, Matthew was engaged, Lucas was a successful singer (you won't find his songs on the internet but trust me, he was gifted, just like you, dear) and your father, well, he and I had just moved in together and I was pregnant with you. It is truly a shame you never got to meet Matt and Luke because they would have been the most wonderful uncles any kid could ever have. In a way, they are. They decided your dad was the one who had the most to lose, so they sacrificed themselves, hoping it would prevent the monster from attacking him too. That's how they ended up in jail. They were the kindest people I had the honor to meet, they would have never hurt anyone, but they thought if they became the evil puppets this thing wanted them to be, it would leave your father and his new family alone. They loved you a lot, Chase, if your father made me promise you will never to see them, it's because they are no longer the lovely men they once were. This thing consumed them. You must remember them as the smiling kids in the pictures I'm sending you. You should be getting them soon. That's who you uncles are, not the emotionless shells who are in prison now.

Just like them, your father was not the beast you sadly had to grow up with, he was kind and creative and he would have let this thing eat him up alive if it meant finding a way out for you, son, and I think he did. The book is mostly notes from your great grandfather, the first one to "investigate" this thing, but on the back there are your father's own findings. Read them, dear, prepare yourself but most importantly, don't make your elders' mistakes. Don't try to ignore it or hide it, this is a fight you can't avoid or win alone. I'm glad you married the Walter girl, she always seemed so strong and determined, I know that if you tell her the truth, like your father did with me, she will stick with you.

I'm sorry it took me so long to tell why we could never leave, my love, I really am. I hope, one day, you can forgive us all.”

I want to tell my mother to fuck off, to stop making shit up and accept the fact she married an abusive drunk worthless piece of shit who happens to be brother of two equally fucked up pieces of shit and that maybe now that he's dead she can finally get some professional help to deal with it, but I can't. I want to put this pen down and go to bed and hold my beautiful wife, tell her everything is alright, but I can't. I want to call Henrik and tell my friend there's no need to lie because whatever is written is that book is nothing but some drug-induced crap my great-grandfather wrote many years ago, but I can't.

Because I know it's not true. Because I remember my father's true voice. Because I can see the void in the window's reflection, hovering over my shoulder, reading these rushed words. Taller than a human, wider than my desk, I can feel its freezing breath against my back. I don't want to turn around. I don't want to stare at it and listen to its heinous scream. I don't want to tell the truth. I don't want to admit my father was a good man controlled by a fucking demon because then that means my monster is not gone and I'm still not free.

It means my monster is standing right here with me and this time there's no one to hold it behind a shut door. This time, I have a son on the way, and it's my turn to hold it shut.

4 pages left. Page 3 // Page 5

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