#lord forgive me for the person i am about to become when this movie releases

[tackledkey]

[rhysismydaddy]

Casual Ruin pt. 4 (Elriel)

Elain’s part of the Damnation Series

~Elain~

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned.” 

That’s what I’m supposed to say, right? That’s what they say in movies, I think. Does it count if it isn’t in Italian?

I rub a hand across my forehead, shaking my head at myself. I’m not even religious. I haven’t been to church since I grew out of the pastel pink Easter dress my mother used to love forcing me into.

Yet here I am, sitting in a dark, hot box, attempting to confess my sins.

I think I’m losing it. 

Five days with no Azriel, and I’m turning to religion.

The dark shadow on the other side of the confessional doesn’t help me in the slightest or even tell me if I’m doing this right. He just sits in silence and waits for me to pour my heart and soul out.

So I say, in an embarrassingly shaky tone, “Well, I... I’ve been sleeping with someone.”

That gets me a low hm.

“Someone I shouldn’t have.” Before he can get the wrong idea, I blurt, “He’s not married or anything. At least, I don’t think so. God, what if he’s married? Oh, I probably shouldn’t say God’s name in vain in church. Sorry.”

Father gives a deep sigh, and I take that to mean I should hurry up. “Anyway, he’s just... not a good guy. I won’t confess his sins for him, but believe me, he’s committed his fair share.”

Still nothing. 

I think he’s waiting for the actual confession part of this thing.

So I say the words I’ve been trying to fight for the last five days. “I told him I don’t want to see him anymore, but I don’t think... I don’t think that’s really true.”

Another hm, this time more thoughtful. 

“I keep thinking about him, all the time. Even though I know it’s wrong. He’s like a tumor.”

There’s a huff, like he’s amused. 

“I’m worried I’m not a good enough person to say away from him,” I murmur quietly, which is the understatement of the century. 

I know I’m not, which is why I’m here. 

I’m pre-confessing, because if the way Azriel’s been on my mind the past couple of days is any indication, it’s only a matter of time before I get desperate enough to call him and tell him his... occupation doesn’t change things.

There’s a bit of a pause, like he doesn’t know how to reply, and then for the first time, I get an actual response. In a very thick, very German accent, the... priest? replies, “His sins are not yours.”

He’s taking the stance opposite of what I thought he would, but that’s a good point. Good enough I don’t bother asking myself why a German priest is in an Italian church.

“True, but if I stay with him, aren’t I condoning them? Don’t they become mine?”

“His sins are not yours,” he repeats.

Helpful.

I’m about to ask for a little bit of actual advice when he asks, “Do you regret it?”

“No,” I answer almost immediately, knowing that no matter how much I hate what Azriel does, I could never regret the time I spent with him.

He’s silent, probably thinking of my punishment for being such a scheming harlot.

I’ll likely have to do a million hail Mary’s once this conversation is over.

But instead of telling me I’m going to hell, he surprises me by asking, “So you plan to sleep with him again?”

There was something familiar about the tone of his voice, but I don’t know anyone German, so I don’t ponder it for long. His question doesn’t require pondering, either.

“No,” I answered with fake certainty, even though the thought of never having Azriel’s calloused hands all over me makes me unspeakably sad.

“Are you sure? Forgiveness from the Lord requires... repentance.”

I sigh at that, hesitating even though I shouldn’t. “I’m sure. No matter how much I want to or think about it, I can’t.”

“I think you should.”

My mouth drops open, not only because the words he just said or the sudden disappearance of his accent, but because the screen separating me from the man on the other side of the confessional drops, revealing the bane of all my problems.

Azriel sticks a cigarette between his full lips, lights it casually, and smiles the devil’s smile. 

“What the hell are you doing in here?” I demand, barely resisting the urge to fling myself over to his side and strangle him.

“Listening to a very insincere confession.” Even though I narrow my eyes in the most threatening gesture I can make, he continues, “You know, if you feel like you need punishing, I can always take you over my knee.”

A strange tingle shoots through me and makes my spin straighten, but I ignore it and glare at him harder.

“You shouldn’t be here.” I look him over, ignoring how good it is to see him and asking, “Aren’t you worried you’re going to catch on fire?”

He grins, blowing smoke around him. “If I’m the devil, does that make you my angel?”

“I’m not your anything.”

He just watches me and smokes his cigarette, something I’m sure is frowned upon in church. Probably right beneath sneaking into a private confessional. 

“Are you even religious?”

My lips twitch as I lie and say, “Recently converted.”

Azriel braces his arms in the small hole of the wall between us, looking unconvinced. “Yeah? What are the Ten Commandments?”

My head tilts as my eyes narrow. “I don’t know them all, but I have to believe one is about not killing people.”

“Number six,” he tells me, surprising me with the fact that he knows that. “You know, there’s also one about not stealing. And I happen to know for a fact you stole my sunglasses that day we were on the beach.”

Comparing those two sins is so ridiculous, a laugh bubbles out of me. He killed someone, yet by his logic I’m just as bad a sinner.

I knew this religion thing wasn’t for me.

“Why are you here, Azriel?” I ask, trying to get back to normal footing.

He takes so long to respond, I’m almost convinced he isn’t even going to bother. He runs a hand across his jaw, through his hair. Looks around at the plain little booth. Smokes some more.

When I’m about to give up and just leave, he says quietly, “I can’t stop thinking about you, either.”

My heart starts to pick up pace. “Yeah?”

I know I shouldn’t encourage this conversation, but hearing that he thinks about me the way I think about him... it means something to me.

“Yeah,” he agrees after a few moments, reaching out to tuck my hair behind my ear. 

It falls silent, and something grows in the silence, building between us until all I’m aware of are the small sweeps of his thumb against my cheekbone. 

I don’t know if he pulls me forward or if I take the step myself, but suddenly I’m right in front of him, our faces lined up through the small hole in the wall.

There’s a Bible in a little cubby that’s pressing into my stomach, and I’m sure there’s no better sign to resist sin than literal scripture digging into you, but I can’t bring myself to care.

It’s been less than a week without him, but it’s like my body is touched starved. The single inch where we’re connected is a live wire, and I close my eyes, trying to figure out what we were even talking about.

Releasing a tense breath that sounds a whole lot like relief, he slides his hand to the nape of my neck and leans his head to rest against mine. 

“Fuck,” he says, like it’s an all-encompassing statement and not a single word. “Come back to me, carro.”

He smells like rain and smoke and something dangerous I never understood until now, and it’s so intoxicating I almost lose myself. Brushing my nose against his, I breathe him in over and over, never getting used to it. “You want me?”

A nod, so small it’s almost imperceptible. But it’s there, and we both know it. 

Making sure my lips brush his, I lean in and whisper, “Then beg for me.”

He goes still, tension coming to rest in the hands still gripping my nape.

See, I realized something in the five days since I last saw him. 

He wants me to say that him being in the mafia doesn’t change anything, confess to lying about it in the first place, and beg him to fuck me, yet hasn’t even apologized for lying to me in the first place.

Sure, I lied, but he got us in this mess, not me.

So he gets to beg.

Azriel pulls back, and there’s such dark depths in his eyes that I shiver. “What did you just say?”

I don’t respond, because I don’t need to. We both know he heard me. 

He releases me with a huff, stepping back and practically growling, “No.”

Raising an eyebrow, I challenge, “Why is it different? You want me to confess to lying about saying that what you do changes things? Fine. I confess, Azriel. I have feelings for you that, whether or not I like it, outweigh the moral part of me that tells me to run in the opposite direction.”

Despite how casually I say it, that realization almost breaks me to admit. 

I realized it when he popped up in this booth, looking every bit the villain and completely making my day. Wrong or not, he makes me happy.

“You have my confession, but you know what? I want yours.”

He shakes his head, seeming to not understand, so I elaborate. “I want you to actually apologize for lying to me. I want you to admit that you put me in an impossible situation, then acted like it wasn’t a big deal. And I want you to beg for my forgiveness.”

The muscles in his jaw are clenched so hard I don’t think he can even open his mouth, but he manages to say, “That will never happen.”

Something inside my chest collapses, so suddenly and painfully I can’t hardly breathe. I hadn’t realized how much I needed it until now, how much it actually meant to me. 

The fact that he won’t make that compromise for me threatens to send my emotions scattering, so I stiffen my spine and force the words out.

“Then we’re done.”

He smacks a hand against the wall of the booth but doesn’t say anything, not even as I fling open the door and flee. 

I rush through the thankfully empty pews and outside, right into a downpour. 

The urge to laugh rises as I become instantly soaked, my dress sticking to me and my hair flattening to my head. It isn’t funny, and would be considered normal any other time or place, but we’ve had a month of paradise without a single rainy day. 

Until right now. It’s almost like the sky’s mood matches mine. 

Practically running, I make my way towards the townhouse. At least it’s close, I think as I hurry. If it was far away I’d probably collapse in a side alley and just let the rain wash me away. 

When I reach the door, unlocking it in a hurry, I feel someone walk up behind me. Stepping inside, I turn to see Azriel staring down at me.

Rain washes over the planes of his face, and while I probably look like a wet rat, he looks like something out of a movie.

"Why do you need this?” he asks, the anger thick in his voice. 

“Why do you?”

He doesn’t make a move to come in, practically ignoring the rain as he asks in a dry tone, “You mean why do I need to hear that what I do and have done--that this fucking life I was forced into--doesn’t make me a monster?”

“Azriel-”

“Because you’re the one person in this entire goddamn world who knows me.”

I give him a look that conveys how little I believe that. 

I don’t know anything about him. That’s the problem.

He shakes his head. “You know who I could’ve been, Elain.” 

It’s my turn to shake my head, because I don’t understand.

He seems to make the decision of whether or not to tell me at once, saying, “Who I could’ve been if I hadn’t been born into a sadistic fucking family who beat the shit out of me for existing.”

Raw anguish lines his voice, and I stop breathing, stop thinking. 

“You know who I wanted to be, who I dreamed of being, when I was in the hospital with a fractured skull or in lockup for stealing a car to run away.” He throws a hand out, yelling, “I didn’t ask for this shit! I wanted to be who I am with you. But when someone came and said they could get me out of the life I knew would kill me, I fucking said yes. And I don’t regret it.”

Tears are streaming down my face, mixing with the rain bouncing off the door. I never knew. “Azriel...”

“The day my older brother took a hammer to my hands because I scratched his CD was the last time I apologized. And I haven’t begged for anything since I was old enough to know better.”

There’s a set to his jaw, a hardness in his body I’ve never seen. “But none of this shit even matters, and it isn’t an excuse, because you’re right.”

The rain comes somehow harder, almost drowning us, but I’m rooted to this spot.

Especially as Azriel slowly lowers himself to his knees, right there on the threshold of the door. 

“I’m sorry, Elain. I’m sorry I lied to you and put you in this position and acted like an ass about it. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I shake my head again, whispering, “Stop.”

I can’t bear for him to be like this after hearing what he said, can’t bear to be the reason for the strain in his voice.

He doesn’t listen. Just looks up at me with such open, deep eyes I almost choke. “Please.”

A sob escapes me as I make the decision instantly, falling to my knees and throwing myself at him.

He grunts as we collide, but I capture the sound with my mouth, seeming to take him off guard as I kiss him without abandon.

His hair is like wet silk between my fingers, and I realize the door’s still open and that rain is still getting everywhere, but I don’t care about anything but him.

His hands grip my waist, holding me steady, as I kiss him until I’m breathless, until I know he’ll believe me. 

“You’re not a monster,” I tell him, pulling back to palm either side of his face. “I know you, and I know you’re not a monster.”

He leans in again, but I keep going, knowing that he needs to hear this as much as I need to say it.

“I decided before I saw you today that what you do doesn’t change things for me. I just want you.” 

The knowledge of how deep we’re in this settles between us, growing into something undeniable as we stare at each other.

This time, when he kisses me again, I don’t stop him.

We fall over, him landing on top of me, and roll until we’re far enough inside that he can kick the door closed.

It’s silent besides the sound of our breathing, the rain pounding against the windows, and the deep, wet slide of our mouths coming together.

I tug at the hem of his shirt, and he pulls back long enough to rip it off. His skin’s hot compared to the cool water all over us, and I’m dizzy on the feel of him. I feel like I can’t get enough, can’t have him fast enough.

His hands are rough against me, tilting my head where he wants it, gripping my hips, putting my arms above my head.

Reaching between us, he fists the thin fabric of my dress, and then there’s a ripping sound I don’t even care to protest because now his skin’s against mine, and I don’t think anything has felt better.

A thumb on my jaw pushes my head to the side, and then his mouth is on my neck and he’s kissing me over the spot where my pulse flutters as proof of my pounding heart. 

I tug his belt open, and he toes his boots off, pulling back to finish getting rid of his jeans then settling back over me.

I tilt my hips up, not able to take the wait anymore, but he has more self control, taking the time to kiss my throat, my jaw, the tip of my nose.

“Please,” I beg. “I need you. Please, Azriel.”

He’s inside me with the next breath, filling me so deeply I can’t think. 

“Merda,” he curses, forehead dropping to mine. “Questa figa e stata fatta per me.”

The dirty words just make me burn hotter. 

Or maybe it’s the fact that I have one of the most dangerous men in the world between my thighs, waxing poetic about sex with me.

His teeth tug on my earlobe, and I arch up into him, making him sink deeper in me. 

“Dimmi- shit,” Azriel chuckles, almost like he didn’t realize he wasn’t speaking English. “Tell me if it’s too much.”

Knowing that won’t happen, I nod and open my mouth to ask him to hurry up with it.

But I never get the chance, because the next second, he’s pulling out and slamming into me so hard I slide across the floor. I don’t get far, because one arm goes under my head to grip my shoulder and the other lifts my leg to keep it in place. 

And then he starts to move.

His hips hit mine hard enough to bruise, his mouth is demanding against mine, and his grip on my shoulder is unshakeable. It’s rough and restrictive and something I never knew I needed.

He’s turned me into this wanton, thoughtless thing, and all I can do is burn and burn and pray I survive. 

A moan escapes me with every thrust, almost like he’s pushing them out of me, and I know I’m loud enough the sweet old lady next door will hear, but I can’t stop. 

“You have to be quiet, or this’ll be over before I’m ready,” he warns in a breathy voice that makes it even harder to keep quiet.

It gets worse as he starts to repeatedly hit the spot only he’s been able to find, like he’s in perfect sync with my body. 

“Fuck, Azriel,” I moan, losing my mind at how good he feels against me. 

I try to fight it off, try to prolong this longer, but one of his hands slips to my throat. And as he lightly squeezes the sides, the blood rushes through me in a heady current, I come so hard I almost pass out.

Shaking beneath him, I release a loud moan he covers my mouth to stifle. When he pulls it away, I see slight indentations and realize I must’ve bit him. 

I make a note to apologize later. Even if the way his eyes go almost black tells me he isn’t mad about it. 

I’m almost comatose, but he isn’t even finished. He just grits his teeth, pauses to throw my leg over his shoulder, and keeps going.

My hands grip his shoulders, nails digging into his skin and trying to keep him exactly where he is, doing exactly what he’s doing.

Thunder breaks outside, but it isn’t loud enough to mask the sound of us coming together or the moans he’s no longer masking.

Despite my body being sensitized and exhaused, when he cups my cheek, kisses me softly, and says, “Come with me,” I do.

He groans, hips churning messily against mine, as release finds us both. My legs shake, squeeze his waist like a vice, then go limp. 

All of me does, actually. I’m boneless and pliant and couldn’t move if I was paid to.

Azriel isn’t much better off, collapsing on top of me and suffocating me with his warm weight. 

“Holy shit,” I whisper after a moment, smiling at the amused huff he lets out. 

Air starts to become hard to find, so he rolls off me, then sits to lean his back against the door.

“We’re on the floor,” he says, almost like he didn’t even notice before now.

I shrug, not caring in the slightest. “I can’t move, so we’re going to have to stay here.”

He chuckles, something entirely male in his eyes as he looks at me. My cheeks grow warm as he looks at the complete mess at apex of my thighs and murmurs, “Fuck, that’s pretty.”

“You are so inappropriate,” I mumble, covering my face with my hands.

Nodding his agreement, he grips my hips and practically drags me on top of him. “You like it, though,” he teases, putting a sweet kiss to my lips. 

“I do,” I admit, kissing him again. 

Something brushes against my thigh, and I look down between us, then raise a brow. I knew he had stamina, but this is...

“Consider it making up for lost time.”

A laugh bubbles out of me, and he smiles, one of those full, beautiful smiles I’m helpless to resist. 

I know everything’s complicated now and I know he does horrible things, but when he smiles at me like that, it’s hard to care about anything except how happy he makes me. Right or wrong, good or bad, there’s something between us I’m powerless against. 

“It’s been five days,” I remind him, running my hands up his chest and into his hair. “Better get started.”

~

The floor. The wall. The stairs. The shower.

He gives me a tour of my own house, fucking me on every inch of available space. 

I’m just as much to blame, I guess. Any time he tries to do anything besides me, I tug him back, unable to stop myself. 

He’s the drug I’m happily overdosing on, and fuck, does it feel good.

When we finally end up in bed hours later, I expect to immediately pass out. He definitely looks tired, and I’m sure I’m not much better, considering the amount of... activity my body’s been through tonight.

But despite the lingering exhaustion, we lay there, just looking at each other.

There’s still so much left unsaid, so many unanswered questions and untold stories, but I don’t want to ruin the moment by talking, much less asking questions, so I stay quiet.

His lips twitch, almost like he can see what I’m thinking.

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” he murmurs a second later, proving that thought correct. “I won’t lie to you again.”

I nod, thinking of what I want to ask first. 

I also think about the pain in his eyes earlier, when he gave me that piece of himself. I don’t ever want to be the cause of that pain, so I ask something I assume is unrelated. 

“Who was the man I hit with the wine bottle?”

The corner of his lips tip up. “That was Luca. I guess you could say he’s my friend, but more officially he’s my Underboss. We worked our way up through the ranks together.”

“You’ve known him a long time then?”

He nods, propping his head up with an arm. “We were in prison together.”

Questions bloom, but I don’t want to pry, so-

“I was sentenced to three years for grand theft auto and another for assaulting the cop who booked me. Luca was in for intent to sell.” 

At my blank look, he says, “Drugs, Elain.”

“Oh.” I feel stupid as hell, so I deflect by asking, “You were cellmates?”

“No,” he laughs, running a hand over his jaw thoughtfully. “But after he saved my ass from getting jumped one day, we stuck together.”

It’s quiet until I ask, “How’d you get out?”

“Well, this was in Chicago-” 

My eyes grow wide as I cut him off. “You’re from Chicago? You’re American?” 

He laughs at the disbelief in my voice, nodding while my brain explodes. He’d never told me, but I’d just assumed he was born in Sicily. 

“Anyway, this was in Chicago. I was seventeen, but got tried as an adult because of my record with juvie. I spent two years inside, then the Capo there just showed up one day and told me he could get me out.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah,” he says, rolling on his back and looking up at the ceiling. “I remember it like it happened yesterday. He’s only three years older than me, but he was wearing a two-thousand dollar suit and had everything I didn’t. He said he needed someone to work for him, to do the shit no one wanted to.”

Sliding closer, I prop my head up with a hand. “And that was you?”

“He said he looked at my records and that I had potential.” He laughs, almost unbelieving. “I was nothing more than an angry fuckup from the south side, and he said I had potential. He said he knew who my father and brothers were and could help me get revenge. I knew it was crazy, but I said yes. On the condition Luca got out, too.”

My eyebrows go up as he says, “We were out the next day.”

“Powerful friends,” I mutter. 

He toys with the ends of my hair, slight smile on his face.

“I worked in Chicago for about a year, then was sent here. He said he needed someone over here he could trust. My family’s Italian, so I knew the language, and with my baggage, I wanted out of the city anyway.” He takes a deep breath, running his hand down my arm. “So I moved here and worked my way up.”

He picks my hand up, measuring the difference between our palms.

“And now you’re Capo.”

“Mmhm.” 

Tugging my hand, he pulls me closer, burying his head in my neck and inhaling. 

“I have the Capo of the Sicilian Mafia in my bed,” I remark almost unbelievingly, making him laugh.

He shifts to lay down, holding me in his arms, and I marvel at how small and delicate I feel with him. My head’s against his chest, and he’s curled around me, making me sigh. 

“The Capo is a snuggler,” I murmur, running my hands across the smooth expanse of his back and smiling when he makes a low sound of contentment.

“I haven’t slept the past five days,” he tells me. “I couldn’t sleep without you in my bed. You have no idea how much it pissed me off at the time.”

Laughing, I snuggle closer. He’s so big and warm, and I’m so tired. 

Eyes struggling to stay open, I realize I never told him something. 

“You’re forgiven,” I whisper. 

I feel his lips on my brow, kissing me so gently my heart clenches. And I swear I hear him say something, but I’m soo tired to stay awake to hear it.

I fall asleep in his arms, and even though he’s dangerous and everything I should hate, it’s the most peaceful I’ve ever felt.

I’ve said the past month with him has felt like a fairy tale, and that’s true. 

Maybe just not with the knight in shining armor, but with the villain instead.

______________________________________________

stole a couple lines from Danielle Lori

Part 5

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[gav-san]

The Hollow Kingdom

Review and Defense of a classic fantasy favorite.

Warning: Below is a large explanation that spoils some upcoming projects and talks about things you may be uncomfortable with, but are important to talk about. Also, spoilers of the book. 

Please consider reading the book!

There’s a stage that man girls go through, likely after watching the 1986 Labyrinth. I like to call it the ‘Goblin King Craze’. After all, few things match the childhood spectacle of David Bowie dancing in very tight pants with his cohort of bumbling goblins, coupled with the magic of Jim Henson. 

I can imagine many of you who have watched this movie, had like me, also longed for the imagination and craze in your own life, or at least something similar in fiction.  

Cue being a teenager, and discovering The Hollow Kingdom (published 2003), but mere chance in your hometown library. 

Here is the Goodreads summary: “In nineteenth-century England, a powerful sorcerer and King of the Goblins chooses Kate, the elder of two orphan girls recently arrived at their ancestral home, Hallow Hill, to become his bride and queen...”

It’s no surprise that I ended up loving this book. 

This book is generally under a YA fiction/fantasy tag. It has won various awards, including the 2004 Mythopoeic Fantasy Award for Children's Literature. It’s well-written, relatable to a young woman, and full of intelligent moments and clever thinking. The characters are fully-fledged, as are the societies they live in. 

It’s not a perfect book. Sometimes the pacing and choice of focus can be inconsistent, and sometimes the timing and structure are not as strong as they could be. Its lack of care for developing romance can cause problems with the reviewers, had they been expecting a romance.

Now let’s chat a bit. As a teenager, it was an eye open experience to discover a book that didn’t pander another tale of ‘Beauty and the Beast’ once again. Meaning, an easy tale that force-fed me obvious morals, and condescended to my 'age-level’. And, I thought, it was better to talk about difficult things then pretend they didn’t exist.

And so time passed, the internet grew, and the Me Too movement rolled along, said hi, and sorta gave a half-hearted wave as it did so. Now, much older, I have finally had time to work on some projects that I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I do fanfic’s as a writing exercise, but my true love is illustrating stories on the webtoon platform. I have a series called ‘Vixen’ out that has been a trial run of sorts to sharpen my skills and get me back on track.

One of the long-running projects that I’ve desperately wanted to illustrate for a long time is ‘The Hollow Kingdom’. I am only in the beginning steps and have yet to contact the author or any of the other relevant sources. This research stage is mostly an exploration to see if this is even possible, and how it would be done. 

As I’ve delved into the internet to see how my old favorite has aged... I was a bit startled.

Despite its initial accolades around 2018, when a lot of Hollywood was being stripped and scattered, and there were many accusations worldwide of prominent figures accused of sexual abuse, perhaps it was predictable that a complicated book that does not deal with a traditional happy ending started becoming maligned in general. And as social media, as a rule, tends to ignore content in favor of a thoughtful readthrough, I felt the need to go reread and reassess my POV.

So I did.

And I still enjoyed the book. As did the roughly 10,000 others who rated it 4 stars and above.

But to be fair, here are some reviews from other who didn’t:

----

1. The end is some sort of apologia for rape, abduction, and Stockholm Syndrome.

2. I expect that when I’m told said female protagonist is intelligent for her to actually be intelligent, like you know, by giving her any ounce of sense, resourcefulness, or deductive skills. 

3. (The Goblin King)...seriously tries to justify his actions by saying he doesn’t have a choice...

4. I also did not like the pointless slaughtering of animals…which really if you think about it made no sense…why would the monkey and wolf not be threats and be all for following kate but not the bear or the snakes…

5. It didn't help that I was well aware of how the main character got tricked. I mean, if her guardian believed her and was concerned for her sister why would still keep Kate locked up in her room and offer freedom from the room in exchange for info on goblins?

6. A young woman is coerced into marrying the Goblin King, Lord of the Hollow Kingdom.

7. What I'm trying to get across is that this is another example of a story where a young woman gets virtually everything taken away from her - her passions, her freedom, everything - but (through Stockholm Syndrome or sheer stupidity, I'm not sure) she forgives it all in the name of love and becomes a supremely contented Stepford Wife. 

8. So a girl is kidnapped by the Goblin King, and is trapped in the goblin kingdom. The end. Well, she ends up liking it, doesn't struggle, doesn't really care about what is happening to her. 

-------

Sorry, that was a lot. I understand that there are many who are just not going to jibe with a book. But I think it’s fair that on the complaints that accuse the book, it can be rebutted.

1(a). Perhaps many of the problems with the book that people expected it to be the perfect mash between Labyrinth and Beauty and the Beast. First of all, Beauty and the Beast is a classic tale, which many accuse of Stockholm Syndrome. It isn’t, by the way, but that’s not why I’m here. Or here.

Neither is the Hollow Kingdom. It seems that many of the reviewers are sure that Kate is forced into marrying the Goblin King. She wasn’t. She actually ends up going to the Goblin King and agreeing to marry him in exchange for the release of her sister. 

But Gav-san, the Goblin King )Marak) misled Kate into thinking they had her.

No, they didn’t. It even points out that had she asked, they would have told her. It’s stated very early on that Goblin do not lie under any circumstance (though are prone to being crafty beasts). 

Kate never is isolated with her captour, or ignore his awful parts and has does not fall in line with his ideas, holding strongly to her own. In fact, it’s her very ideals that lead to her success in the end, and that leads to Marak’s change of ideology. Kate’s own honor often compelled her to make choices that seem frustrating to the (modern) reader (who perhaps forgets this is 1815 England). To demand modern ideologies from the protagonist is awfully stupid and presumptuous.

1(b). This book, in no way shape or form, is an apology for rape and abduction. It’s a large point in this book that is unavoidable. The Goblins and Elves kidnap humans (and the occasional elf) to marry. The King must always marry outside of his race. This inevitably leads to unhappy women and broken families.

It is not seen as a happy, good event, but often a stressful, angry one that leaves tragedy and scars that echo across the generations. It is also a revealing look at humanity and our own atrocities. Much like the goblins and elves, sometimes these things are painted as noble when they weren’t, and thus it makes the societies feel real, having these pitfalls. 

And, as a King whose entire, beloved kingdom is at stake, do you chose to make one person miserable, or condemn the entire lot to a slow death?

It may make us uncomfortable to see the reality of this situation played out in such close-to-the-chest terms. 

Because Kate ends up happy and the victor, even in a situation that was not perfect, should she be condemned? I don’t think she or any women forced into that situation should be denied a healthy joy they find.

Remember, at the end of the book, it’s because of Kate that the Kingdom continues.

2. Kate is intelligent. (How could you miss her relentlessly scheming, most that succeed?!?!) And due to her heritage, she has top-notch instincts (untrained though) she continually outsmarts and outmaneuvers the Goblin King and the meddling human family. I think, had her Uncle not kidnapped Emily, she would have escaped. But her own concern for her sister was more important, and so she made that choice. That’s why she agrees to settle in, and that’s what open’s the door to her falling in love with Marak. She isn’t his prisoner, but his equal, who he learns to respect. Many human relationships could learn that last part better.

3. The Goblin King doesn’t justify himself in any degree. He knows he’s not going to be a desirable, handsome husband to any woman, especially in 1815 (or any time before and long after). If the only way a magical kingdom could continue is the misery of one person outside your race who is treated well, all things considered, then why would a brusque goblin who is not naturally inclined (thanks to his heritage) to get his feelings hurt easily worry? Many of the King’s Wifes never fell in love with their husbands, especially the sensitive elves. 

In the animal kingdom, it’s not as important. Stop projecting modern standards on a fantasy culture. JRR Tolkien's goblins murder, are crass and cruel, but we don’t expect them to be human and learn to be polite. Dunkle’s Goblins are far more genteel and human-like, but they are not humans. 

4. At the end of the book, there is a sorcerer who is a bad man and uses human and animal parts in his spells. If you are sensitive to that, perhaps it’s something to consider, but the book doesn’t go into great detail of these things. And frankly, ‘traditional’ medicine in many parts of the world does the same. 

And why would Kate release animals that would hurt her?

5. Kate’s Guardian was never concern for her. He thought about murdering her and was concocting plans to do so. As it says in the book, society would not be kind to Kate or Emily. This is no surprise. A wealthy young woman in 1815 England? A prime target. 

Kate manages to trick the doctor who the guardian brought (to put her in the insane asylum) and save her sister, though she needed to Goblins help. She was in a bad position! 

6. Why are people so determined to take away Kate’s dignity and choice? Her uncle lied to her, and he was punished for it later, by the Goblin King. She went to the Goblin King and bartered her own freedom. Women make their own choices and feminism is respecting those choices as a man’s would. Her acceptance of the Gobline Kingdom is not proof of her weakness, but a show of her strength. You will face difficult problems you cannot change, and the only decision at that point is how you react.

Just because Sarah didn’t chose the Goblin King doesn’t make her strong. It was what she learned doing it. The point of reading the book is the journey.

7. Or you can see this as a book that takes on the idea of conflicting cultures that are forced upon a woman, and she makes decisions that ensure the important things to her are seen through. A real woman who, much like real women, is put into a difficult situation that is fraught with dangers and missteps, and does a decent job at navigating them without giving up her integrity or beliefs.

Don’t be taken in by easy illusions that meant to be as shallow as they appear. Feel free to message me and we can chat about it more. 

In the end, this is just my opinion. But I don’t think I’m wrong, and I stand by it, which is why I’m writing it, and why I hope to illustrate this magnificent work one day.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[faveficarchive]

Ways to Be Wicked

Part 2 of Vivian Darkbloom’s White Trash series

By Vivian Darkbloom

Pairing: Xena/Gabrielle

Rating: Mature

Synopsis: Callie finds the Lord, Zina’s past comes back to harass her, and Gabrielle is there for love and support (and burgers). 

I never claimed to be your savior. I said I had a dirty mouth. —Garbage, "Dumb"

The trailer formerly known as Zina's sat contentedly on its concrete foundations, sporting a new paint job on its exterior—a blazing red to dazzle and blind the hapless occupants of the trailer park, to let them know that the reticent firefighter who once lived there—and who had quite successfully entertained a string of blondes, one after another, stray housewives on "vacation," waitresses, recent fire victims, high school cheerleaders, the manager of the local Uni-Mart, and finally the factory girl-cum-poet who stole her heart—was no longer the mistress of said dwelling.

Its lone tenant sat inside the fire-red mobile home twirling locks of her white-blonde hair and watched, for the twelfth time in twenty minutes, a little Chihuahua mouth the words "Yo quiero Taco Bell." She gritted her teeth and her flat tummy rumbled. Once again the baseball bat of commercialism had smashed against the addled brow of another complicit, blissfully unaware TV viewer. With a growl she jumped up, snatched the keys to her Camaro off the table, and went off into the night.

An hour later she sat stuffed with the bounty of Taco Bell, and her mind, always chattering, chattering, chattering…well, finally the synapses gave out and she fell asleep.

And she dreamed. A voice, disembodied, spoke to her. Callie, it whispered fervently. Listen. She tossed her head about, hoping to shake the annoying voice. "No, stop," she moaned in her sleep.

Callie! Don't resist me, my child! Who was that? It sounded like…

Callie, you must change your life. Zina has shown you forgiveness, you can show her the same…you must release the rage in your soul, you must purify yourself again.

It was…Charlton Heston! Wasn't he the old guy who played Moses in that movie? And he was speaking to her—the foggy image grew clearer—through the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

You must give yourself over to the Lord, Callie. Let Jesus Christ into your heart.

"No!" she cried aloud again. Silence. She was grateful, and started to drift into a deeper level of unconsciousness…then…

Why not? the voice demanded petulantly.

"I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!" she wailed.

Ah, but you are, my child. You are worth saving. That's why I'm here. You have the fire within you, Callie.

"I do, I do!"

You must accept Jesus as your own personal savior. And you must go forth into the world and spread my word, for I am the light and the way to salvation. Do you know what to do now?

"I do, I do!"

Callie woke up. Aside from the massive, almost crippling pain in her stomach, she felt great. She rose from her bed, ran to the door and flung it open. A breeze blew back her hair, and the moon glowed.

"Lord, I hear you!" she screamed into the night. "I shall do as you say! From this moment I am born again!!!"

The crickets cackled their approval. The stars twinkled benignly. And a lone male voice, from two trailers away, shouted, "Shut up, you crazy bitch!"

***

Gabrielle laid on the couch and read aloud from the book she held: " 'I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness…' " She paused and closed her eyes. "Oh, wow…you were so right about this…the more I read it, the clearer and clearer it becomes…" she said to her companion, as she clutched the thin paperback of Howl to her chest.

Cyrene, sitting on the floor, leaned over and handed the joint to Gabrielle, their second one of the day. "See, honey, I told you…you just needed to relax and let your mind open up…" she waved her hands around, and her jewelry chink-ed in affirmation.

"Yeah…" Gabrielle sucked on the joint with a hiss. "When they assigned this to us in class, I just thought it was a bunch of bullshit written by some crazy hippie…uh, no offense, Cyrene."

"None taken, honey." She took the cigarette back from Gabrielle. "Cause you know something?" She took a hit.

"Hmmm?"

"It is a bunch of bullshit written by some crazy hippie!"

They dissolved into giggles, which turned into hysterical laughter once Gabrielle looked at the back cover photo of Allen Ginsburg again.

"Did you know—he was gay?" Cyrene informed Gabrielle, pointing at the photo.

"Really? Wow!" Gabrielle was still at the stage of her young life when one is continually astonished to learn that others in the wide world share one's inclinations.

"The 60s were a great time, Gabrielle." Here she goes again, Gabrielle thought. "Like, you could be gay and no one would care. No labels, man. You could experiment with sex and no one would care…I mean, I am not ashamed to say I had an encounter with another woman." She placed her hand over her heart to signify her sincerity.

"You did, Cyrene?" Gabrielle was impressed.

"Yeah. It was after I broke up with the drummer of Strawberry Alarm Clock. Man, that was a bad scene. Anyway, I kinda didn't want to deal with guys for a while, so I got involved with a chick. It was a beautiful, healing experience."

Gabrielle had ingested enough talk show fodder over the course of many years to know that "beautiful healing experiences" were usually pretty boring ones you could do without. Nonetheless she nodded solemnly at Cyrene. Then she heard a faint rumble. At first she thought it was her stomach. Man, I just ate two burritos half an hour ago….Then the sound grew louder, and more distinct. It was Zina's Harley. She sat bolt upright. "Shit! Zina's home!"

"Damn!" Cyrene crushed the lit end of the joint against the floor using her beer can. Then, in a panicky fit, she used the copy of Howl to brush the roach and all the ashes under the couch.

"Get the Lysol!" Gabrielle cried as she ran to the window. She and Cyrene had been sitting upstairs in her "study." She hoped that if she opened the window it would fumigate the room before Zina's hypersensitive nostrils could detect any aroma.

She flung open the window and looked down. She yelped again. The one flaw in her plan was that the room overlooked the front of the farm house; in fact, it was directly under where Zina usually parked her bike. The noise of the opened window caused her firefighter girlfriend to look up at her in surprise.

"Hi honey!" Gabrielle shouted, at a loss.

"Hey," Zina called up with a smile. She climbed off the Harley. "Anything wrong?"

"No! Nothing! Not at all."

"Why'd ya open the window?" It was cold out.

"I just wanted to say hi to you, baby!"

"You coulda done that inside." Zina was strangely logical at the oddest times.

"I know but, baby, I just love you so much I couldn't wait!" Gabrielle heard Cyrene behind her, her jewelry making the middle-aged woman sound like the percussion section of a Hare Krishna contingent as she waved around the hissing can of Lysol.

"Uh huh," Zina grunted skeptically. Carrying her fire helmet, she headed for the front door. Probably smoking reefer with Mom again, she thought, casting a look at Cyrene's powder-blue Volkswagen bug. As she entered the house she saw Gabrielle coming down the stairs with Cyrene. The little blonde ran right at her and jumped into her arms, smothering her lips with a kiss. The fire helmet dropped to the floor with a clang.

"Man, the honeymoon is never over with you two!" Cyrene said. It had been almost eight months since they had moved in together, six since they had been living at the farmhouse at Effie's behest; Effie, her new paramour, Hank, and her band, the Amazons, were all in Memphis, recording a new rockabilly album.

"How was your day, stud? Want some chicken pot pie?" Gabrielle cooed.

"Yes, please. Let me help you…" Zina carried Gabrielle into the kitchen. Cyrene shook her head. "Crazy kids," she muttered, then dashed upstairs to retrieve the roach she left under the couch.

***

Callie careened down Chakram Creek Road in her Camaro. She sang loudly with the radio: "I fell down, down, down into a burning ring of fire…down, down, down and the flames, they ran higher…and it BURNED BURNED BURNED, this burning ring of fire…" She was on her way to see the one person she was certain could help her in her mission to serve the Lord and save Zina. She had to save Zina, she realized, for the woman, corrupt as hellfire as she was, started her on her Journey to Jesus by giving her a home to live in.

She pulled into the parking lot of the Morpheus Mini-Mall, a desolate little stretch of under-utilized stores and buildings. There was a liquor store, a video store with a yellowed poster of "Ernest Goes to Jail" in the window, a frozen yogurt shop, a fabric store, and, near the end of the complex, a plain white sign on a door, which read "Ares Ministries, Inc."

Callie, of course, expected him to be alone, and he was. Artie, Zina's former friend, ex-sometimes-boyfriend, and maybe sorta either her first cousin or half-brother (Cyrene wasn't talking), sat at a desk in his fake-wood-paneled office reading "Guns and Ammo." He wore a scratchy looking light gray suit he bought at K-Mart for $29.95, and his green and brown knit tie was loosened at his throat. When Callie entered he looked up at her in utter shock, and, disbelieving, ran his hand through his long dark hair and then stroked his goatee. "Callie," he murmured.

"Artie." They stared at each other.

"I can't say I'm surprised to see you here. I always knew you'd find your way to me and the Lord."

Callie blinked. "Really?" She wanted to believe, oh so much…

He nodded solemnly. "My prayers have been answered, Callie. You are here, and I know why. "

"You do?" Callie said impatiently.

"Yes!" he stated firmly. He tried not to look too closely at the cutoff shorts she wore…even in February. He hoped she wasn't here to borrow money again, but he had a feeling, this morning, as he prayed…that God would send her to him. "You are ready to serve with me at the head of Christ's Army, Callie."

"I am, Artie! I truly am! I had a vision last night. The Lord spoke to me, and—"

"—and what did he sound like?" Artie narrowed his eyes and his voice lowered a register.

"Like…oh, that old dude, what's-his-face....You know, Ben-Hur." Wisely she omitted the part about how He looked.

Artie nodded with approval. He knew then her vision was real. "Go on."

"And God said I must spread the word! And I knew, Artie, I knew you were the only soul to help me. And…God said I must save Zina."

"Zina?" His interest piqued at the mention of his ex-lover's/cousin's/half-sister's name. He cursed himself at the hold this devil still had over him. Zina was his cross to bear, she was a test from the Lord, and sweet baby Jesus she looked divine when she was working out. (Sorry, Lord.) He stroked his goatee again. He knew the incredible guilt Zina felt about Callie, about the house in Cirra. Technically, he had been involved in that whole mess, but Callie didn't need to know that—it would only confuse her and detract from her mission. Besides, he'd paid his debt to his Savior. If Callie could use that guilt against her, she could bring Zina into the fold, and they would lead the Lord's Army of Love together! He could do it, with Zina at his side…the cable show would be revitalized, he'd get another book deal, he might even be asked to be a guest host on the 700 Club.…

He stood up and walked to Callie. Grasping her thin shoulders, he said, "Sister, it shall be done. I shall send you on your first mission. I shall send you to save that poor backslidden soul."

"Praise God, Artie!"

"But first…we go shopping."

***

Callie pulled at the tight collar of her white frilly blouse. She wasn't used to wearing something so close to her neck. But, she thought with a sigh, her body was no longer just something to flaunt, to use mindlessly—no, her body was sacred as a church, and it needed to be covered and protected as such. She adjusted the skirt of the light pink suit that Artie had selected for her at Sears. Drawing a deep breath and clutching the new Bible that he had given her as well, she opened the door of the parked Camaro and walked warily toward the farmhouse, the den of iniquity. How much sin has gone on in this place? she thought righteously, remembering its former occupants. Of course, Zina lived here now with that little tart…Callie's nostrils flared at the mere thought of the slut. She stopped. Then she took a deep, cleansing breath. "In with love, out with anger…" she muttered to herself. Steadying herself once again, she walked toward the farmhouse. I am a pillar of strength, I am filled and blessed with love, I shall be strong in the face of evil…she drew another deep breath and rang the doorbell. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall…

Zina opened the door. She wore nothing but a sleeveless white under-shirt which clung to her broad shoulders, muscled torso, and perfect breasts; black lycra shorts clung even more ferociously to her firm, luscious thighs. She cradled a barbell in one hand; a sheen of sweat covered her exposed skin, making her entire body glow and glisten. She shook her damp black hair and fixed her luminous blue eyes on Callie.

…want. She maketh me to lie down in black satin sheets, and…stop stop stop!!!

All thoughts of God had flown from Callie's head, except a brief fleeting thanks to the Almighty for making such a magnificent creature.

"Callie?" Zina said, utterly confused at the presence of her arch enemy. "Uh, is somethin' wrong with the trailer?"

"…zugzug…" She tried to speak but could not. But what were these noises? Hey, I'm speaking in tongues! Cool!

Zina looked her over, taking in the suit. "You got a job interview or something?"

Lord, I am fading fast. Help me! Send me a sign!

Zina shifted a little nervously; in doing so, she gripped her barbell tighter, causing a perfect bicep to flex. Her eyebrow twitched.

It was all too much.

"Oh Zina!" Callie cried. She flung her arms around the firefighter's neck and planted a wet kiss on her lips. Her wildly flailing tongue sought to break the barrier of Zina's warm mouth, but alas, her lips were in as good a shape as the rest of her (thanks to Gabrielle), and withstood the onslaught. She placed the tip of the barbell on Callie's chin in an effort to pry away the born-again beast. Callie didn't know how it happened, but before she knew it she was kissing a barbell. She withdrew, sputtering.

"What the hell's gotten into you?" Zina growled.

"Oh Zina," Callie moaned at the memory of those perfect lips on her own, "I have been sent here to save you, my child." She thrust the Bible into the firefighter's face.

Zina was so shocked at the turn of events that her barbell slipped from her sweaty grasp and fell onto Callie's foot, shod in a pair of pumps from Payless.

"Oh Zina!" This time it was a howl of agony.

***

Gabrielle burst through the door of the farmhouse, expertly carrying a pizza, a six-pack, two bags of Doritos, a two-liter bottle of 7-UP, and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey...with most of said items balanced on top of the pizza. "Honey, I'm home!!" she bellowed. She heard the radio from upstairs, and figured Zina was in her weight room, working out. Her assumption grew even stronger when she tripped over the barbell near the door and sent the precariously balanced food sailing merrily off the top of the pizza as she fell to the floor. She landed on her stomach, the weight of her backpack pinning her down (why did I have to take Fat Novel 101 this semester?). However, she managed to keep the pizza upright. Turning, she glared at the offending object and shouted, "Goddammit Zina, I told you not to leave your weights lying around down here!" Last week she had stubbed her toe on a hand weight that had been on the kitchen floor, for Christ's sake.

The guilty party sauntered down the steps. "Hiya, baby. Sorry 'bout that." Zina proceeded to pick up the scattered groceries. "How was school?"

"Uh…good." Zina noticed that Gabrielle hadn't moved; she laid there on the carpet, staring into space.

"Didja hurt yourself?" she asked, padding over to Gabrielle.

"Zina?" The tone was icy. It was that tone Gabrielle used when she was either really pissed or PMSing big time.

The firefighter gulped. "Uh, yeah, baby, what is it?"

"Why is there lipstick on your barbell?"

***

"Arise from your numb existence, readers. Awash yourself in Christ's beautiful and healing waters, awake in forgetfulness of the sins of the past. For the chariots of war are upon us, Satan's deceptive dreamworkers will rob you of your cradle of hope. Together, we shall embark on a quest for our destiny, to repay a debt and to sacrifice our wrongdoings for the greater good."

—Rev. Callie de Ash, from her book I Didn't Find God, But He Sure Did Find Me, p. 25

Callie awoke from her painkiller-induced slumber. Her dreams had been pleasant enough—she dreamt she owned a Porsche and had won the Indy 500, and then she drove through a huge daisy-filled meadow crushing every single daisy and ran over Gabrielle and a bunch of silly bunny rabbits too and grabbed Zina and threw her in the car and…

…then she was fully awake and staring into Artie's faintly disapproving and totally condescending face. The minister sat at the foot of her hospital bed. "You poor child," he sighed. He moved his chair closer to her, and took her hand. "The demon proved too much for you, didn't she?"

Defeated, Callie nodded sadly. Zina's barbell had broken innumerable bones in her foot and then, while she limped to the car (refusing any assistance from Satan's Handmaiden) her heel got tangled in some weeds and she fell, spraining her ankle.

"Callie," Artie clucked, "this is just as much my fault. I never should've sent you to her. She's a powerful one, Zina is. I have no doubt she will be dragged kicking and screaming into salvation. I know you wanted to be the one to bring her to God, but perhaps…" He stroked his chin. "…perhaps I need to try. At any rate I must confront her, after what she did to you." Callie had told him that the sadistic firefighter had jumped up and down on her foot with her shit-stomping boots, and had even trod upon her pristine Bible!

"I reckon you're right, Artie. I was too weak—too tempted by her. Don't believe anything she says, though!"

"Don't worry, child. I am prepared to battle the devil."

***

Cyrene turned off her sputtering Volkswagen. She grabbed the grocery bag, which contained organic yogurt and tofu burgers (she had been much horrified by the spectacle of Zina devouring a Spamburger last week and began anew her campaign to make her daughter a vegetarian). She got out of the car and headed to the house. With some confusion she noticed that the Harley was there but the Escort was not—she was supposed to be "studying" this evening with Gabrielle—in fact, she had brought her best bong, knowing that they would be tackling Modernism and that Gabrielle would need all the help she could get.

She entered the farmhouse and found Zina sulking in front of the TV, watching NASCAR.

"Hey honey," Cyrene called.

Her daughter grunted.

Trouble in paradise, Cyrene thought. "Where's Gabrielle?" she asked gently.

"At Lila's."

"Oh. Will she be back soon?"

"Nope."

"Aw come on, honey, spill it. Did you two have a fight?"

"Yeah."

Cyrene sighed. It was going to be a long night. "I'll be back in a few minutes." She definitely needed to have a few tokes before dealing with this. Patting her macramé purse, she retreated to the bathroom.

***

"I told you your unnatural relationship would fall apart," Lila said. She held a squalling baby—her daughter, named Tiffani Amber.

Gabrielle sat at her kitchen table, arms crossed. "Shaddup," she snarled at her sister.

Lila blew a stand of hair out of her face; shaking her head sadly, she took the baby into the bedroom for her nap.

Purdy, who had moved in with Lila after Gabrielle moved out, stood awkwardly in the kitchen. He had just got home from work to find his former girlfriend sulking in the kitchen with Lila, his current one, who was berating her sister at every turn. He actually felt sorry for Gabrielle—and he even liked Zina once he got to know her. Every time he saw her they had pretty cool conversations about motorcycles. He pulled two cans of Bud out of the fridge and handed one to Gabrielle. "C'mon, Gab, it'll make you feel better."

"Thanks," she said, taking the can from him. She popped it open and took a big gulp. "Purdy, you don't think I'm…weird or unnatural, do you?" Her green eyes begged for understanding, while her upper lip was covered in beer foam.

Was she weird? He had been surprised by it all, but not too—he remembered that when they were dating he made the mistake of looking through her diary and had read a rather detailed and explicit sexual fantasy involving Kate Jackson. He had found it very…interesting, in a stimulating kinda way. No wonder she always rushed home from school to watch Charlie's Angels. "What? Naw, hell no, Gab. It's your life. Not for me to judge. 'Sides," he added shyly, "Zina's pretty cute."

Gabrielle smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

"Wanna go down to the Saddle and get wasted?"

"Sure!"

***

"Trust me, honey, I had two years' worth of EST seminars."

Zina shifted nervously in her chair. Her mother's attempts to help in these significant arenas of her life left much to be desired. She recalled when, at the age of 12, she began menstruating; she had the typical feelings of confusion and ambivalence about it that most teenage girls encountered. Cyrene chose to mark the occasion with what she called a "feminist ritual": When Zina came home from school one day, sanitary napkin chafing, she found their house dark and eerie, lit only with candles, and "White Rabbit" echoing ominously from the stereo. Cyrene, wearing a purple-red muumuu, blathered something about how Zina will drink her own menstrual blood "because Germaine Greer said it's the true test of a woman." Zina didn't know who the fuck Germaine Greer was, but it was all weird enough to make her think her mother was involved in some cult and so she ran screaming from the house, spending the next month living with Artie and his family, until she made her mother swear that (1) she was not in a cult, and (2) she would cut down on the hallucinogens for a while.

So here she was, sitting at the dining room table with Cyrene, who said that her "under-emoting" child needed to get in touch with her feelings and she would be happy to help her do so. She said it would improve her "communication skills" with Gabrielle…whatever that meant…and that she would learn to "take responsibility" for her actions…even though IT WASN'T HER FAULT that Callie went insane and kissed her, it wasn't her fault that Gabrielle didn't understand this and had hit her…unconsciously she touched her cheek. Never had she been so frightened—not even in a crumbling, burning building—than when Gabrielle had pulled out of her knapsack the thickest paperback book Zina had ever seen, stalked over to her, and swung the mighty Modernist tome—Zina barely had the chance to read the name Ulysses—against the side of her head.

Cyrene sat across from her with a paper and pencil. "Now, I want you to tell me all the things you love about Gabrielle. Be as specific as you like."

The firefighter dropped her dark head against her strong forearms, which were propped on the table. Just like she used to do in high school.

What I do love about Gabrielle? Well, she's got a nice smile…her hair is pretty…she smells good…she makes a great chicken pot pie…yum!…I love her abs, the way they ripple when she's about to come…oh, and the meatloaf is pretty awesome…her skin is so soft…and she's a great kisser…and…and…I love how smart she is, how she figures things out so quickly…I love it that she's so kind…so gentle…like how she cried when she heard about baby seals getting clubbed…I love it when I hear her sticking up for herself and screaming "Fuck you!" at that dumbass sister of hers…I even love it when she recites stupid poetry to me that I don't get at all…

"Sure you don't want a little...?" Cyrene mimicked puffing on a joint. "It might help."

"No," Zina snapped. She sighed in frustration. "Aw, fuck, Mom, I love everything about her," she growled reluctantly. She hated getting all mushy.

Cyrene smiled and scribbled something down on the pad..

***

It was almost 3 in the morning. Zina had slept fitfully since midnight, when her mother had left. However, she was in a decidedly deeper state of consciousness when a noise brutally ripped her from a pleasant dream about becoming the first female quarterback for the Broncos:

"SMOKE ON THE WATER! A FIRE IN THE SKY!"

The entire house pulsated to the sound of Deep Purple. She sat upright, eyes bulging. She groped under the bed for her baseball bat, although it was doubtful the intruders were really thieves. Nonetheless, she thought evilly as she hefted the bat, I'm gonna fuckin' kill whoever is down there.

As she bolted out of the bedroom and approached the top of the stairs, she heard a figure treading lightly toward the top, oblivious to her presence. She snapped on the hall light.

Ed looked up at her, John Deere hat backwards and a little askew on his head. More than slightly trashed, he swayed on the steps. "Z!" he cried in greeting. "Hope we didn't wake you."

The long reach of Zina snared his flannel shirt and hauled him up the remaining few steps, until her snarling face was within an inch of his. "What the fuck are you doing here?" she said in her lowest voice.

"Hey, chill out! We brought Gabby home."

"We?"

She released him and he staggered against the steps, almost falling down until she grabbed him again. He giggled. "Me and Purdy. They're downstairs." He regained his balance and she released him tentatively. "But man…I gotta tell ya…I, uh, got into a little trouble with the truck, Z…"

She leaned on the baseball bat as if it were a walking stick and sighed in resignation. "Don't tell me you wrecked it again."

"Well, not exactly…I hit something."

"A deer?"

He shook his head.

"What? Someone's dog? Cat?"

Again, his head responded no.

She was losing patience. "What then, Ed?"

"A cow," he mumbled apologetically.

She grabbed him by the shirt again. "A cow? Is Gabrielle all right?"

He nodded in the affirmative.

"How the hell did you hit a cow?"

"I tried a shortcut," he moaned. "Look Z, I really gotta piss."

She released him again. "Go, then," she growled, giving him a shove toward the bathroom. She stomped downstairs.

She saw Gabrielle's red-gold hair splayed across the arm of the couch. "Gabrielle?" she called gently as she approached.

The young woman was curled up fetally, clutching an empty mason jar which reeked of beer. She was snoring. Zina took the afghan from the back of the couch and tucked it around her sleeping form.

Purdy was standing in front of the stereo playing air guitar when he spotted Zina. "Hey old buddy!" he shouted, stumbling over to her. He was even drunker than Ed. He flung an arm around her. "We brought your woman home!" he said proudly. With a burp.

"That's great, Purdy. Thanks," Zina replied sincerely, while flinching from the smell of the burp.

Suddenly he started to cry and hugged her. "I love you, man!"

"I love you too," she replied, whatever thread of patience she possessed threatening to snap. "Now get the hell out of here."

***

Alas, she had not gotten Ed and Purdy to leave for another hour; she felt obligated to help Ed wipe cow blood and gore off the front of his Ford pickup (apparently his "shortcut" was through Farmer Draco's pasture). There was a huge dent across the front of it, but she checked out everything under the hood and it seemed to be running fine. When Ed was sober enough to drive, she sent the boys on their way.

Gabrielle was still passed out on the couch when she dragged herself off to bed at 4:30. She had considered carrying the girl up to bed, but didn't want to disturb her sleep. And, frankly, she was pretty tired and had to get up for work in less than 3 hours.

Zina hadn't slept for more than 2 hours when she felt something heavy lying across her body. A sickly sweet breeze, smelling like cough medicine (like Jagermeister, she thought later), trickled across her face. Then she felt something warm and wet against her cheek, like a dog licking her.

She opened her eyes. In the fuzzy light of predawn, she made out Gabrielle's grinning face above her. "Pumpkin pie!" Gabrielle burbled happily.

Zina did not know if this was an endearment or a craving.

"Gabrielle?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Baby, I'm really sorry about yesterday…I got so jealous. I didn't want to come home at all, but Ed and Purdy got me too drunk so I couldn't protest much. Then I read what you wrote on the fridge."

"Huh?"

"You know!" Playfully she slapped Zina on the arm. Then Zina remembered: Her mother had posted the results of their "therapeutic session"—the message that "Zina loves everything about Gabrielle"—on the refrigerator with a Coke magnet.

"It's true," Zina said. It was, and didn't matter who wrote it, she figured.

"Ooooh, I love you, stud muffin!"

***

If you want to woo her

You will surely delight her

With a sweet tasting kiss

From a big ol' firefighter!

--"A Fire in the House of Love," performed by Effie and the Amazons. Music by Effie Phantes, lyrics by Gabrielle Hockenberry

The hangover was so atrocious that to even listen to anything on the radio was horrible. Especially Celine Dion. The lung-devouring wails of the woman were like a hang nail being torn across her consciousness. Maybe I kinda understand now why Zina doesn't like her, Gabrielle thought, switching off the radio with one hand and clutching her head with another.

She was sitting in the kitchen, wincing at the bitter taste of the instant coffee, when the doorbell rang. Still cradling her head, she wandered to the door, wearing her Olympus County Community College t-shirt and the baggy plaid boxer shorts she wore around the house.

A handsome man stood at the door, dressed in a dark suit and tie. His long dark hair touched his shoulders and he had a goatee. He was very striking, she thought, and vaguely familiar. Her mind raced and in her excitement the hangover lessened.

"Oh my GOD," she squealed, taking him by surprise, "you're the lead singer from Metallica, aren't you??"

His dark eyes grew wide with horror. "What?" he said.

"You are! Wow, this is SO cool! Are you lost or something? Hey, my girlfriend LOVES Metallica!! Would you autograph something?" Before he could respond she ran into the living room and retrieved one of her notebooks and a pen. "Okay, could you just write something like, 'Zina, you are an awesome chick' and sign it?"

He rolled his eyes. "I am not the lead singer of Metallica!" he growled. "I'm Artie Guerre. An old friend of Zina's..."

Gabrielle's excitement dissipated and was replaced by mistrust. So this was the infamous Artie. "You're Xena's cousin," she stated flatly, green eyes glinting suspiciously, "or is it half-brother?" she added accusingly.

"Nobody's even proven that," he said, shaking a finger into her face. "Where is Zina? I want to talk to her."

"She's at work, duh. D'ya see her cycle anywhere?" Gabrielle waved her arm around.

"Look, young lady, don't you take that tone with me. I am minister," Artie said proudly.

Gabrielle cackled in disbelief.

"You may laugh all you like, Satan's strumpet, but I know the nature of your relationship with our dear Zina is less than pure."

"Pure?" she snorted. "You're a fine one to talk about pure, Artie. You set fire to a house and slept with someone who might be your sister. So don't you lecture me. I love Zina."

"Love her enough to see her go to jail again, missy? 'Cause that's what's gonna happen unless I get to speak with her!" Artie demanded.

"What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"Zina assaulted one of my disciples. Callie."

"Bullshit! The crazy slut assaulted Zina!"

Artie raised one of his black brows. "Really?" asked smoothly. "Well, who do you think a court of law would believe—a follower of God or some dyke with a record?"

***

All Zina knew was that one minute she was looking at a rerun of the Simpsons, and the next she was staring at Gabrielle's midriff. Her little companion, in an effort to get attention, had planted herself in front of the TV. This meant either one of three things:

Gabrielle was horny. (Unlikely, thought the firefighter, scanning the scowl on the young poet's face.)

Gabrielle wanted to have a Sensitive Chat. (Again, that scowl. Nope, she usually gets all puppy-eyed, so that's not it.)

Gabrielle was pissed about something. (Yeah, I think this is the one. Did I leave another weight on a floor somewhere? Tracked mud on the carpet? Did she finally notice the ring of soot I left on the lip of the milk carton the other day?)

Zina was a brave woman, and resigned to her fate. "Okay, what did I do now?" she sighed.

"How come," Gabrielle began slowly, her hands on hips, "everyone you sleep with either dies or goes crazy?"

"Huh?"

"Come on, tell me."

"It's not true…I mean, I slept with Hank, and he's alive and pretty normal, don't you think?"

"Well, he's the exception to the rule, I guess. Although who knows, maybe listening to Effie and the Amazons 24/7 might just push him over the edge."

"...and there was Ed, he's kinda normal..."

Gabrielle blinked in shock. "Ed? You slept with Ed?"

"It was only once, Gabrielle. I just did it to make Hank jealous." She grinned with sheepish pride. "Worked, too."

Gabrielle moaned and shook her head. "I met Artie today, Zina."

"Artie? Where?"

"He came out here looking for you. What a fuckin' nutjob he is."

"No shit, Sherlock. What did he want?"

"He's very pissed about Callie. Went on about how you assaulted her, said he was going to get her to press charges against you…"

Zina threw up her hands (after placing her can of Rolling Rock on the end table) in disbelief. "Fine, let 'em press charges! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"He said he and Callie are willing to let bygones be bygones if you come on his cable access show. He wants you to repent on TV, accept Christ into your heart, and ask for some pledges."

The firefighter's blue eyes grew icy. Which both chilled and thrilled Gabrielle. "I always knew it would come down to this," she muttered.

***

Gabrielle grabbed the ringing phone. "Den of iniquity!" she cried in greeting.

"Jesus H. Christ, you sure are learning big words in school," Effie’s voice responded.

"Effie!!" The squeal reverberated around the house, causing Zina to wince and grind her teeth, and a village of termites to vacate the premises. "How the hell are you! I MISS YOU!!!"

"I’m great, Gab honey. Our new album is coming out next week, with your song on it, of course! Hank loved it."

"Cool. How’re Pony and Sally?"

"Well, they had a rough time of it recently…"

"Uh oh. What happened?"

"Well, uh, promise not to tell anyone…"

"Okay. What?"

"Well, Sally had an affair with Wynonna Judd…"

"No!"

"Yeah! It was wild. But they worked it all out."

"How?" Gabrielle asked, mystified. Pony was not the most reasonable creature on God’s green earth.

"Well, then Pony slept with Wynonna and they decided to call it even."

"Can I tell Zina?"

"Oh sure, what the hell. Can’t quite see Tall, Dark, and Sullen running around telling people."

Gabrielle saw Zina in the kitchen, pulling on her leather jacket. "Eff, I gotta go. I hafta go help Tall, Dark, and Sullen with something…"

"And knowing you two, it’s something in the bedroom. Okay, Gab, I’ll talk to you later."

She hung the phone and ran into the kitchen. "Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go."

Zina gave her a blank stare. "Gabrielle, I don’t want you to come. It might get ugly." She was on her way to meet Artie at Roy Roger’s, in the hopes that they could reach an amicable solution to the Callie problem.

"Oh no, bitch. You’re not leaving me behind. We’re a team, remember? You may need me. And I promised you I’d always support you no matter what." She paused and gazed into her beloved’s deep blue eyes. "I may have been stoned when I said it, but I still meant it."

Zina broke into one of her lovely lop-sided grins. "Okay, baby."

"Besides, I really want a Triggerburger."

***

Artie sat at a table at Roy’s. His tray was littered with the ruins of his dinner. Arms folded, he glared up at Zina and Gabrielle, who were walking toward him. Zina was sucking on a shake, Gabrielle held a tray piled with three burgers and an order of fries.

They sat down across from him.

"You’re late," he growled.

Zina shrugged. Her ravenous small companion ripped the paper wrapper off a burger and started to devour it.

"Dear Lord, what a savage," Artie said condescendingly, looking at Gabrielle’s puffed out cheeks.

"Look Artie, knock off the bullshit. Gabrielle told me what you want. I’m not gonna do it. I’m sorry about Callie’s foot, but it was an accident."

"Hold your tongue, sinner!" Artie raised his hand. "I’ve had just enough of your lies and deception, Zina. You injured a member of my flock. A woman who has turned out to be more valuable to me than I ever could have imagined. I have placed my trust so thoroughly in Callie that I have given over to her the leadership of my ex-gay ministry, Homo Helpers."

***

Callie reached out and gently grasped the shoulders of the young man. "We’ll start out slowly, okay? No nudity at first. I just want you to get an appreciation of the female form."

The young man, terrified, nodded quickly. One minute he had been sitting in the office space of the Gay & Lesbian Student Union at the Olympus County Community College Student Center, then the next thing he knew this crazy chick in a pink suit, with a big cast on her foot, comes in, hits him over the head with a big black Bible, and he passed out. Then he woke up in this strange office with the crazy chick who started babbling to him about being saved, changing his ways, and so on….and he was tied to a chair, the ropes cutting into his thin little torso, clad only in an old Absolutely Fabulous t-shirt. Boy, if I get rope burns on this, Patrick is going to get really suspicious, he fretted.

The crazy blonde, who said her name was Callie, sat on the desk in front of him. She had a stack of photos by her side. "Now don’t be scared…what’s your name again, kid?"

"Chad," he whispered.

"Chad! See, no wonder you’re gay, with a name like that. Okay, Chad, take a deep breath…"

He did.

She held up a photo of Gillian Anderson, wearing a black bra. "Take it all in, Chad. Doin’ anything for ya?"

He stared at the photo.

"Talk to me, Chad. What do you like about her?"

"Uh…that’s a fabulous bra she’s wearing."

"Like to see more, huh?"

"Yeah, like I’d love to see her all in black lingerie. I’m sure it’d be a really kicky outfit. My friend Kevin is majoring in fashion design…"

"No!! Dammit, kid, stop being a fairy and focus on her body! Her face! Whaddya see?"

"They did a good makeup job on her. Her lipstick is perfect. It’s a good shade for her."

"You’re doing this deliberately to drive me crazy, you little brat. Look at her! She’s gorgeous! Look at those knockers! They’re lovely! They’re perfect!" Callie peeked at the photo herself. And became mesmerized. "They’re…oh Lord, they’re divine," she moaned. Defeated once again, she buried her face in her hands.

"Uh…Callie, is it?" Chad ventured gently.

"Yeah, what?"

"Sweetie, I don’t think this is working. Look, it’s Gay Night at Dahak’s Temple. Why don’t we go have a nice drinkie together…"

She looked up.

"Margaritas are half-price," he added hopefully.

***

"Baby, are you okay?" Zina asked anxiously, peering down at Gabrielle. At the mention of the Homo Helpers the little poet had laughed so hard that she spat half-eaten burger all over Artie’s best suit (from Sears) and fell off the seat in a fit of hysterics. Zina’s reaction, given her personality, was more subdued; she had merely blown out some milkshake from her nose.

"Homo Helpers," Gabrielle giggled helplessly.

"What’s so darn funny?" Artie demanded as Gabrielle climbed back into the booth.

"I think you should think ‘bout changing that name, Artie," Zina guffawed. "Have you been getting a lot of calls from people wanting to know where the nearest gay bar is?"

Artie glared at her suspiciously. "How did you know?"

"Just a wild guess."

"It was the best I could do under the circumstances! Nonetheless, Zina, I have Callie all prepared to press charges against you. She can hardly get around at all. It was a very serious injury."

At that moment they saw, from their window booth at Roy’s, Callie’s red Camaro pull up to the stoplight. The crazed blonde took the opportunity to stand up in the car and dance to the throbbing beat of the Pet Shop Boys which emanated from the car stereo. A young man, seated beside her, did the same. The light changed. A pickup behind them blared its horn. Callie flipped him the bird. After another minute of frantic dancing, she finally put the vehicle in drive and they were gone.

The trio sat in stunned silence.

"Who was that dude with Callie?" Zina asked no-one in particular.

"Oh, it looked like Chad. He’s president of the gay student union at OCCC," Gabrielle said. She merrily returned to the task of eating.

"Hell’s bells," muttered Artie. "The Lord is making my work very difficult indeed." He thrust a finger into Zina’s face. "I blame you for this, Zina. Obviously the injury has affected her judgment."

Zina flicked a French fry at him.

"Watch the suit!" he cried. "it’s bad enough your little tart spewed half-eaten cow all over it."

"Fuck off, Artie," Zina drawled in a bored manner.

"You haven’t heard the last of me yet!" He rose from his seat and stalked off. He half-turned to give Zina one last glare and tripped over a poorly placed mop and bucket. He snarled and staggered off.

"Man, he’s just like Snidely Whiplash," Gabrielle complained.

The firefighter laughed. "So which one of us is Dudley Do-Right?"

"You, of course, stud muffin." Gabrielle paused. "Although you’re smarter than Dudley Do-Right…and not quite as goody-two-shoes. You’re more a classic anti-hero."

"A…what?" Zina scrunched up her angular face. "I dunno if I like the sound of that."

"It’s a good thing, baby. Trust me. I learned it in school."

"School? You’re learning about cartoons in school?"

"No," replied Gabrielle haughtily, "I am merely learning how to apply my analytic skills in other fields of interest and art forms."

"Shit…if I knew college was all about cartoons and smoking dope, I woulda gone."

"You don’t need to go to college, baby. You already have many skills."

The firefighter lounged back in her seat. "I have many skills," she murmured to herself, although her beaming companion heard her as well. "I kinda like the sound of that."

THE END

[claudia1829things]

"The Demand For An Ideal Woman"

"THE DEMAND FOR AN IDEAL WOMAN" Recently, the STAR WARS movie, "STAR WARS: EPISODE I - THE PHANTOM MENACE" achieved a milestone. Twenty years has passed since it initial release in theaters in May 1999. However, there have been other recent or upcoming events within the STAR WARS franchise. One of them is the upcoming release of the third Sequel Trilogy movie in December. Another was the recent release of a Young Adults (YA) novel called "Queen's Shadow", the first stand alone story about the Prequel Trilogy's leading lady, Padmé Amidala.

 Many fans, especially women, celebrated the release of "Queen's Shadow". Written by EK Johnston, the novel focused on a period in Padmé's life, when her career underwent a transformation from the elected monarch of Naboo to a senator of Naboo. This meant that the novel was set sometime during those ten years between "THE PHANTOM MENACE" and "STAR WARS: EPISODE II - ATTACK OF THE CLONES". More importantly, this novel featured the first time that Padmé was the main protagonist in any STAR WARS movie, television production or novel. "Queen's Shadow" also led many fans to contemplate the idea of Padmé surviving the birth of her twin children, Luke and Leia, and becoming a leader for the early manifestation of the Rebel Alliance. More importantly, the novel and the 20th anniversary of "THE PHANTOM MENACE" has revived the fans' never ending complaint that filmmaker George Lucas should have portrayed Padmé as an ideal character . . . a feminist icon. As a woman, the idea of a leading woman character as a feminist icon sounds very appealing. But as a lover of films and novels, I tend to harbor a strong wariness toward such characters - regardless of their gender. Recently, some fans have suggested that Padmé should have been the main character of the Prequel Trilogy (1999-2005) and not her husband, Anakin Skywalker. Considering that Anakin eventually became Darth Vader from the Original Trilogy (1977-1983), I found this suggestion a little hard to swallow. Even worse, I find the constant complaints that Lucas had "ruined" Padmé's character, due to the manner of her death in "STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH", rather tiresome and pedantic. As I have pointed out in a previous article about Padmé, I found nothing wrong with a person succumbing to death due to a "broken heart" or allowing one's emotions to affect his/her health. Such deaths have actually occurred in real life. And considering that Padmé was in the third trimester of her pregnancy, had endured a series of traumatic events in her professional and personal life, including a recent attack by a jealous Anakin, the circumstances of her death did not surprise me, let alone anger me. In regard to the idea that Padmé should have been the main protagonist of the Prequel Trilogy Amidala . . . this did not make any sense to me. Like Han Solo and Leia Organa in the Original Trilogy, Padmé was a major supporting character in the Prequel Trilogy. The real focus of the Prequel Trilogy was Anakin Skywalker, which made sense considering he proved to be the catalyst of the Jedi Order's downfall and rise of the Galactic Empire. And in his own way, Padmé and Anakin's son, Luke Skywalker, was the Original Trilogy's main character. Although Ewan McGregor was the leading actor in the second and third films of the Prequel Trilogy, Obi-Wan Kenobi was not the central character. It was still Anakin. And I do not recall any film in STAR WARS franchise being made solely about Obi-Wan. Oh yes, there had been plans for one, but due to the failure of "SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY", Disney Studios had decided to curtail any Obi-Wan solo film. Yet, many did not complain. Many had bitched and moaned about how Lucas treated Padmé's character, because he had conveyed her weaknesses, as well as her strengths. He did the same with many male characters. Apparently, certain people cannot deal with a major female character's weaknesses being on display, unless she is either the main character or in a drama. What am I saying? Many people still cannot make up their mines on whether they want the Rey character from Disney's Sequel Trilogy to be ideal or flawed. On the other hand, I once came across an article - it might have come from "The Mary Sue Blog" but I am not sure - claimed that the problem with Padmé was not that she was not allowed to have flaws. This person claimed that the that moviegoers saw her as a problem solver who never gave up in the first two movies. The article also added that Padmé was not someone who would give up the will to live. A few years ago, I had written an ARTICLE that discussed Padmé's mistakes in all three Prequel Trilogy movies and argued that she was not the "flawless" or "ideal" character that many still regard her as. I had also pointed out that in "STAR WARS: EPISODE III – REVENGE OF THE SITH", Padmé had experienced the loss of the Galactic Republic, the rise of the Galactic Empire, the loss of her husband to Palpatine and the Sith, and his physical attack on her in a brief space of time – within two days or less. As someone who had recently experienced personal loss, I understood why she had given in to emotional despair. I had only experienced one loss. Padmé did not. Just because she was able to not give up and overcome a situation in the past, did not mean that she would always be able to do this. I still recall the "BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER" Season Five episode called (5.21) "The Weight of the World" in which the main protagonist, Buffy Summers, had went into a catatonic state after she failing to prevent her younger sister Dawn from being abducted by the season’s Big Bad, a hell demon called Glory. Buffy had failed to overcome her state of catatonic depression on her own. She needed help and she eventually got it in the form of one of her closest friends, Willow Rosenberg. There was no Willow to help Padmé deal with her emotional state during the downfall of the Republic and the Jedi Order. Padmé had no Willow to deal with the emotional trauma of Anakin's transformation into a Sith Lord or his attack upon her. Instead, she had to deal with going into premature labor and giving birth to twins. I hate to say this, but neither Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda or Bail Organa were as emotionally close to Padmé as Willow Rosenberg was close to Buffy Summers. And instead of providing emotional support to her, the two Jedi Masters and the senator were more focused on her going into labor and giving birth. There is something about today's feminism that truly irritates me. Women (both in real life and in fiction) are not allowed to be flawed. Actually, I think today's feminists and sexist men have that trait in common. Both groups demand that women be ideal in a way THEY believe women should be ideal. For feminists, women should be some all knowing saint, who can kick ass and have a successful career outside of the home. For sexist men (or men in general), women should be attractive or beautiful bed warmers, home carers and emotional crutches. Women are expected to revolve their lives around the men in their lives. Women in real life are not allowed to be flawed - especially if they are famous. And fictional women - especially those who are major characters in an action story - are definitely NOT ALLOWED to be flawed. Especially someone like Padmé Amidala. I do not believe that Lucas had subjected Padmé's character with weak writing. I think too many fans were too prejudiced to allow her to be a complex woman with both strengths and weaknesses. They had wanted . . . no, they had demanded she be some feminist icon. While complaining about Padmé's character, they would always compare her with her daughter, Princess Leia Organa aka Skywalker. The ironic thing is that Leia was no more of a feminist icon than her mother. Leia had her own set of flaws. Yes, she was an intelligent and capable political leader, who was also knowledgeable about military tactics and defending herself. Leia also possessed a tough demeanor and a sharp wit. On the other hand, Leia harbored a hot temper, impatience and a penchant for being both judgmental and an emotional coward. Nor was she the type to be forgiving (except with certain people). Two of Leia's flaws - her temper and being judgmental - were on full display in the 1980 movie, "STAR WARS: EPISODE V - THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK". In that film, she had supported Chewbacca’s angry and murderous attack upon Lando Calrissian, after the latter was forced to betray them to Darth Vader and the Empire. During that scene, both Leia and Chewbacca’s anger got the best of them at a time when it should not have. Neither had pondered over how the Empire had arrived on Bespin before them. Nor did they ever considered that Vader had coerced Lando into choosing between betraying Han and them or watching the Empire destroy Bespin and its citizens. Many fans have also complained that George Lucas had failed to explore Padmé's backstory . . . especially in "THE PHANTOM MENACE" and "ATTACK OF THE CLONES". I found this complaint rather hypocritical. Lucas had never bothered to explore Leia or her future husband Han Solo's backstory in the Original Trilogy films. Yet, no one or very few people have complained about this. When Disney Studios finally green-lighted a movie about Han's backstory, many film goers and media outlets like "The Mary Sue Blog" bitched and moaned about how it was not necessary. I suspect they had made this complaint, because it was easier than criticizing how Disney Studios/Lucasfilm had handled the movie's production and theatrical release. Is it any wonder that I found this complaint that a movie about Han's backstory was not necessary, but Padmé's was? And to this day, no one has complained about a lack of Leia's backstory in the 1977-1983 films. Look, I am happy that a novel about Padmé Amidala has been written. And I find it interesting that STAR WARS fans will get a chance to peek into those years between "THE PHANTOM MENACE" and "ATTACK OF THE CLONES". But I must admit that I found myself getting irritated that so many have used the novel's upcoming release to criticize George Lucas' portrayal of her character. It seems obvious to me that a great deal of their criticism is wrapped around a lot of hypocrisy, an inability to understand human nature and a definite lack of attention toward what actually happened to Padmé in the Prequel Trilogy. I cannot help but feel that some people need to realize that in contemplating feminism, they also need to factor in the concept of human nature . . . and good writing. Good writing or a strong character is not one who can do no wrong or be strong, 24/7. A strong character, for me, is someone who possesses both strengths and weaknesses . . . or virtues and flaws. As far as I am concerned, George Lucas had included all in his creation of Padmé Amidala.

[thenatureofnarrative]

Best Films of 2020

The basis of my annual list is simple, these are the films that were, for me, mesmerizing and memorable. These were the cinematic experiences that either provoked a depth of emotion and/or provided a whole lot to talk about. These are the films that I could not forget and I cannot wait to see again. 

After you read this year’s list, you can also find last year’s list here, and if you’d like to watch an epic conversation about the best films of the year I encourage you (or dare you) to watch this video. You can also follow me and my reviews on Letterboxd. 

1. Time

Time is a documentary that doesn’t feel like a documentary, but rather sets itself apart as a transcendent piece of visual poetry about the perseverance and devotion of family in the face of injustice. This film is so many different things, and yet is one cohesive lyrical experience. This is a story about love and commitment. This is a story about parenthood and motherhood. This is a story about the forgotten and the voiceless, those discounted and discarded by an oppressive and racist system of incarceration. And this is a story about repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. Time is an 80-minute cinematic experience that beautifully and seamlessly ties all these threads together, through the singular voice and expressions of wife and mother, Fox Rich. I’m telling you, you’ve never seen or heard a film like this before. The way it’s shot, the way it sounds, the way it’s cut together, and the way it lets us linger and just sit with this woman and her family as they wait, but most importantly, as they persevere and fight for the release of their husband and father. Time is a masterpiece, and I can’t wait to watch it again and share it with others. On Amazon Prime.

2. First Cow

First Cow, Kelly Reichardt's masterpiece, was the most unexpected cinematic experience of the year for me, and I'm not even quite sure why. Maybe it was because I had heard such strange things about this film? Maybe it was because I've never actually seen any of Reichardt's previous films (though I am well aware of them)? And maybe it was because I genuinely didn't know what it was about? Whatever the reason(s) may be, I was truly captivated by the charming sincerity of this simple historical tale. In the first half-hour, the cinematography and production design was giving me made-for-TV-Canadian-heritage-moment vibes; and I don't mean that as an insult. I didn't know what to make of this film at first. It was like - - The Oregon Trail: The Movie - - which made me feel nostalgic and all the more intrigued. But this is Kelly Reichardt's genius: an unexpected, perfectly paced and plotted tale. I mean, sincerely, this film is the perfect example of how a story should unfold, of how the pieces of a narrative should be laid, and how the rug can get pulled out from under you at the end. Even though I didn't feel particularly emotional while watching the film, it was the ending - - Good Lord - - that ending! I mean, I was putty in Reichardt's hands. She got me. She totally got me, and I loved it! How foolish of me to think the final act would become something else, how susceptible and satisfied I was when, in the end, the story was pure and true. And that's all I'm going to say about it, because you need to see this film. On Crave-HBO and Rental Services. 

3. Da 5 Bloods

Spike Lee’s latest offering of cinematic greatness is less a work of protest and more a re-education. With Da 5 Bloods, history is given a voice, those oppressed and ignored now share the stage and their stories. At this point in his illustrious career it’s almost hard to believe that Spike Lee can still surprise us, but with Da 5 Bloods he masterfully and brilliantly blends together multiple cinematic styles and genres; and deserves an Oscar for it. Through the reunion of four Vietnam vets, who return to Ho Chi Minh in search of the lost remains of their fallen squad leader, an unbelievably heartfelt, exciting, and at times, shocking, story is told. A story that defies convention and summation; a film that genuinely has to be seen to be believed. For its entire two and a half hour runtime, we are never bored, always engaged. Some might accuse this film of trying to be too many things, but two transcendent performances keep us anchored through it all. Unnervingly, Chadwick Boseman plays a small role as the departed squad leader, appearing in flashbacks and as an apparition to one man. This one man is, Paul, played by Delroy Lindo, who portrays this grief-stricken and traumatized protagonist with staggering strength; and deserves an Oscar for it (though some suspect his departed co-star might win posthumously for another film). Nevertheless, Da 5 Bloods is a memorable and meaningful work of art and an essential education. On Netflix.

4. Judas and the Black Messiah

While watching Judas and the Black Messiah, I couldn’t help but draw lines of comparison between it and The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020). Both films are award-worthy pieces of penmanship. Both films are brimming with award-worthy performances. The distinction is, however, that TTOTC7 is a terrific piece of entertainment, while JATBM is an important work of history. Director Shaka King has carefully crafted, not only a captivating piece of cinema, but a necessary education about the historical efforts of the Black Panthers and the cyclical-social struggle of standing against injustice while resisting the influences of political coercion and moral corruption. And while Daniel Kaluuya, as a true thespian, gives a commanding and courageous performance, I believe the work of both, LaKeith Stanfield and Dominique Fishback, deserve more attention and award consideration. Their performances brought a depth of soul and struggle that was especially agonizing to watch during the film’s conclusion because not a single person in this story is a caricature. These are real people with real motivations living out the truest of conflicts: the preservation of power vs. justice for the oppressed. On Rental Services.

5. The Trial of the Chicago 7

The Trial of the Chicago 7 is a terrific piece of entertainment. This true story, adapted and directed by Aaron Sorkin, is expertly written and structured, condensing a complicated six-month trial into a brisk and captivating two hours. For some, the story’s brevity is a cause for concern, but for me, in terms of cinema, I could not escape the momentum all three acts uniquely displayed, effectively intercutting several testimonies so that we would feel the chaos and uncertainty of the proceedings. Across the board the cast is incredible, but I believe it’s John Carroll Lynch, Sacha Baron Cohen, Jeremy Strong, and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II who are most worthy of award recognition. And yet, we cannot ignore the necessity of a fully-embodied antagonist, performed perfectly here by the great Frank Langella. The truth is, TTOTC7, doesn’t work without Langella’s performance. In the hands of another actor, Judge Hoffman could have come off as cartoonish, because his behaviour and actions seem so unrealistic and unbelievable, but thankfully, due to Langella’s craft and care, we do believe it, and it makes us angry for all the right reasons. Nevertheless, in the end, TTOTC7, isn’t a perfect film, but it is a great one. On Netflix.

6. Possessor 

You probably shouldn’t watch this film. Fair warning. It is extremely graphic and violent, and yet, profound in its artistry and themes. The visuals are both simple and mysterious; clever and confounding. Possessor is a story that forces you to confront the frailty of the human condition, both physically and psychologically, and consider how easily influenced our sense of being and identity can be. While watching this film I couldn’t help but think how aptly equipped filmmaker, Brandon Cronenberg, would be to direct the next Christopher Nolan screenplay. Their themes and skills would be a perfect match. Young Cronenberg (son of David Cronenberg) is a remarkable director and provides us with some of the year’s best cinematography; along with another terrific performance from my favourite “young” actor, Christopher Abbott. On Crave-HBO and Rental Services.

7. Soul

Pixar’s Soul is a masterful, moving, and unpredictable work of art. This may not be a film for the youngest ones, but it is for the young at heart, or more specifically, those whose hearts are in a middling crisis of some sort. On the macro-level, there is absolutely nothing generic about this film. Whether in a spiritual plane or a material one, everything on screen is detailed and nuanced. From the philosophical and ontological, to the cultural and vocational, every audience member is invited to experience a universal narrative through a very specific lens; and there is tremendous power in that. Even though, in the Pixar family, Soul might be a stylistic cousin of Coco or Inside Out, and explore a narrative arc similar to Woody’s experience in the Toy Story films, it still sets itself apart as a work of Ecclesiastes. This is the sort of artistic confrontation one needs when dreams and passions are no longer sufficient, and one’s calling is no longer a pursuit of something unattained but a present embrace of an already unfolding narrative. Soul is a profound and beautiful work of art. On Disney+ and Rental Services.

8. The Climb

The Climb was one of the biggest surprises of the year for me, and the funniest film of 2020. Michael Angelo Covino and Kyle Marvin have crafted a hilarious and wildly entertaining portrayal of friendship; fiercely loyal, desperately-co-dependent, backstabbing friendship. And while the story may not explore any great psychological depths, no scene in this brisk roller coaster is wasted. Every sequence is an elaborately choreographed vignette, a clever and creative single-take or “oner.” And even though the visual craftsmanship might strike some as excessive, I found it elevated the excitement and unpredictable nature of the story. From opening sequence to touching conclusion, The Climb, is a surprising and side-splitting comedy about enduring friendship, a story of despicable people doing despicable things in hilarious ways. On Rental Services.

9. Horse Girl

Horse Girl is a surprising film, with a truly stunning and subversive narrative. Alison Brie has always been a strong performer, but her performance in this film is award-worthy, and has sadly been overlooked this year. In the first half-hour we are charmed by Horse Girl. For those of us who love Duplass productions, or quirky films about lonely people, we are easily won over at first, but then this story takes a serious turn and we realize we’re watching a shockingly poignant portrayal of mental illness. Nothing is taken for granted or included without careful consideration in this story. Everything, every scene and every interaction, draws us in and allows us to experience the symptoms and disillusionment of a loved one losing their grip on reality. It’s heart-breaking. It’s harrowing. It’s tenderly rendered. My only wish while watching was for a more intricate or visually complex composition. Nevertheless, Jeff Baena’s Horse Girl is still a terrific achievement and one worth typing into the search bar. On Netflix.

10. The Father

The Father is a stunning achievement in directing and editing, especially when you consider it as a first-time feature, from an artist adapting their own stage play. This is a heartbreaking, harrowing, deeply empathetic portrayal of dementia and mental illness, as we experience it through eyes and mind of the afflicted. In a single apartment, every doorway and room is a different memory or time in one's life, and even though our protagonist appears to be in a familiar space, they cannot grab hold of the present. It’s almost scary how realistic Anthony Hopkins’ performance is. Both he and Olivia Coleman are fully embodied, and it’s devastating to watch. This film is a remarkable achievement. On Rental Services.

 Honourable Mentions (alphabetically):

The Devil All the Time: A masterclass in southern gothic storytelling; it’s bleak, dark and disturbing, and deeply compelling. On Netflix.

Extraction: A truly impeccable piece of action cinema, with just enough heart and soul to keep the story grounded. On Netflix.

Mank: A black and white talky-bio-pic about a Hollywood socialist who’s dependent upon millionaires that manipulate their audiences with familial metaphors and manufactured newsreels. Watch with subtitles. On Netflix.

Minari: A simple and sobering tale about familial struggle and heartache, with a striking deftness to each and every character, across the generations, from children to parents and grandparent. On Rental Services.

Never Rarely Sometimes Always: Every year there is one film, one story, that is so honest, vulnerable and raw, that it’s hard to watch and yet undeniably essential and important. This is that film. On Crave-HBO and Rental Services.

Nomadland: With more focus than a Terrence Malick film, and less obligation than a documentary, Chloe Zhao’s Nomadland is a beautiful and innocent observation of our unknown neighbours. On Disney+.

One Night in Miami: The best ensemble of the year, with carefully crafted, fully embodied, sincere and nuanced performances from every cast member. On Amazon Prime.

Promising Young Woman: A unique and unpredictable thrill. Emerald Fennell’s award-worthy screenplay walks a tight-rope between black-comedy and revenge-thriller. On Rental Services.

Red, White and Blue: Steve McQueen’s Small Axe anthology of five films is a marvel, but Red, White and Blue is the cornerstone at the center of it all. On Amazon Prime.

Sound of Metal: A deeply affecting story about recovery, discovery and the stages of grief - - all explored through the experiences of our deaf protagonist. I wept through this one. On Rental Services. 

[hebina]

More Man Than Machine - on Tarkin & Vader’s relationship

One thing that really really sticks out to me about their dynamic in current canon is that Tarkin is one of the only people, if not the only one, who liked Anakin Skywalker as a person both before and after becoming a Sith Lord.

It makes sense for this to still  be somewhat underappreciated since their relationship in Legends was apparently very negative, but Disney-era Vader and Tarkin have an astoundingly friendly and healthy personal dynamic. So because I can never shut up about things I like, here’s a long collection of their best moments / essay-ish post of rambling about their new-canon dynamic.

The seeds of this are certainly already present in A New Hope (however accidentally, since at the time of filming the whole plot wasn’t yet planned..).

The movie very clearly demonstrates that Tarkin knows who Vader used to be and this is an established fact between them. They have talked about this before, maybe often, as there’s no uncertainty or confusion in their dialogue.  Vader is comfortable with Tarkin knowing this much, too, and sees no need to distance himself from Anakin in this speech (which he does even with Luke or Palpatine). In front of Tarkin, he uses first person to refer to his old life. 

This makes clear that there is trust between them by ANH time, whether it be with this private knowledge or with military strategy (after all, Tarkin trusts Vader’s homing beacon plan, which ironically gets him killed in the end).

That is picked back up on in the Darth Vader comic series set after the movie:

We know that Vader thinks of the Death Star as a “technological terror” that he doesn’t approve of, yet he defends Tarkin’s plans for the battle station against Tagge without hesitation. Vader may not like the Death Star itself, but that doesn’t diminish his respect for Tarkin’s military ability. 

The situation with Tagge is especially nice to view in contrast to Vader’s relationship with Tarkin, as Vader is technically placed under Tagge’s command in the comic. Which... Tagge repeats in, uh, very clear words.

Vader is... not taken with this. For understandable reasons. He does not need a hand to wield his lightsaber - at least not this hand.

But that puts this situation in a very stark contrast to Leia’s (also very.... interestingly worded) line in A New Hope.

Unlike Vader and Tagge in the comic, Vader and Tarkin don’t outrank each other. Tarkin holds no official command over Vader - and even if he did, Vader tends to undermine command anyway. Tagge certainly suffers through that. Yet, it appears Vader listens to Tarkin often enough for this to be known outside their immediate military associates. Tarkin is the only person except for Palpatine that Vader ever shows this much deference to.

We also get to see this in action during the movie, when Vader releases a man who insulted him personally on Tarkin’s request. The wording “as you wish” also seems to imply he’s doing Tarkin a favor more than following orders.

Vader listens to Tarkin by choice. That is more than even Palpatine can truly say.

Looking at them this way, Tarkin calling Vader ‘friend�� starts to look less and less like merely a casual figure of speech - and the new EU expands on that.

They first meet in The Clone Wars, when Anakin is still a Jedi Knight and Tarkin is still a captain in the republic military. Anakin’s group rescues Tarkin from the Citadel and they don’t initially seem to get off on the right foot, yet...

Anakin: Trust me. Tarkin: I reserve my trust for those who take action, General Skywalker. Anakin: Then let me remind you, we rescued you back there. And I reserve my trust for those who understand gratitude, Captain Tarkin.

At the end of this confrontational dialogue, we are pointedly shown Tarkin’s smirk. He is evidently pleased that Anakin matches him in verbal confrontation, so in the end the impression Anakin leaves on him is not negative.

This confirms itself as, less than a full episode later, this exchange takes place:

Anakin: Captain Tarkin, haven't you learned to trust me by now? Tarkin: You may have earned my trust, General Skywalker, but my faith in your comrades is still lacking.

Despite Tarkin’s marked dislike of the Jedi order, Anakin impresses him in the shortest amount of time. They have immediate chemistry.

On Anakin’s end, he finds himself surprised to hear someone openly voice the same opinions about the Jedi order that he himself holds in secret.

Anakin: You lack faith in the Jedi. Tarkin: I find their tactics ineffective. The Jedi code prevents them from going far enough to achieve victory, to do whatever it takes to win, the very reason why peacekeepers should not be leading a war. ....Have I offended you?

Anakin: No. I've also found that we sometimes fall short of victory because of our methods. Tarkin: Well, I see we agree on something. 

Sadly, I can’t embed a clip here because Youtube doesn’t offer me any, but the tone of voice in which Anakin denies being offended is very soft and full of surprise. This is not an issue he expected to relate to someone over and he is pretty ecstatic about it, as evidenced by a later dialogue with his team:

Ahsoka: Why did Master Piell have to share half the intel with that guy? It's like he's not even grateful we rescued him. Anakin: Captain Tarkin feels the Jedi should be relieved from the burden of leading the war effort. Ahsoka: That's ridiculous. Anakin: Maybe, but we aren't soldiers. We're peacekeepers.The Jedi code often prevents us from going far enough to achieve victory. Obi-Wan: A rather simple point of view. Anakin: Either way, he is a good captain.

Anakin both defends Tarkin from his fellow Jedi and even quotes the exact wording Tarkin used earlier, displaying his longing for someone else to put into words what he only felt (and wasn’t allowed to feel) before.

These episodes also mark the beginning of a long era of Anakin defending Tarkin whenever someone questions him. Here is another one just from this arc:

Tarkin: I am beginning to admire the design of this fortress. It's rather formidable to evade. Ahsoka: How can you admire such a horrible place? Tarkin: Ah, you reveal your shortsightedness. This ordeal only demonstrates how effective facilities like the Citadel are. Pity it ended up in separatist hands and not ours. Anakin: He has a point.

And though Ahsoka saves Tarkin’s life over the course of these episodes, Anakin remains the only Jedi Tarkin holds in favorable regard. In fact, he goes so far as to basically compliment Anakin for Ahsoka’s achievement:

Tarkin: My thanks, Padawan Tano. [to Anakin:] I see you've trained her well.

The arc then finds its resolution in a very firm and charged handshake.

At this point, Obi-Wan picks up on the positive tension between Anakin and Tarkin so clearly that he feels the need to warn about it. (You can practically hear the air quotes around ‘new ally’, too). Anakin, again, defends Tarkin.  If you go back up to Vader’s dialogue with Tagge, you can see that this pattern of defensiveness lasts for the following 20 years. (Another example is his immediate topic change when Tarkin is incriminated by Krennic in Rogue One.)

Later, in the Tarkin novel, Tarkin describes what he felt for Anakin as “grudging appreciation”, for despite his dislike of the Jedi, Anakin had proven himself to him. Both of their opinions and/or circumstances should make them dislike each other, yet the two forge an immediate bond. As it turns out, this chemistry can even endure a fall to the dark side and the total destruction of Anakin’s self-image.

Beforehand, of course, Tarkin winds up the prosecutor at the trial of Anakin’s Padawan Ahsoka which results in her leaving the order entirely... This lets their relationship take a huge one-sided hit as it appears Anakin can’t forgive this even years into his life as Vader (see: Tarkin novel). Tarkin meanwhile, never changes his mind about Anakin.

So now that we have established their baseline during the Clone Wars, onward we go towards Tarkin and Darth Vader. I’d like to start this off with a quote from the Tarkin novel:

Nothing about Vader seemed natural - not his towering height, his deep voice, his antiquated diction - yet despite those qualities and the mask and respirator, Tarkin believed him to be more man than machine. Although he had clearly twisted the powers of the Force to his own dark purposes, Vader’s innate strength was undeniable. His contained rage was genuine, as well, and not simply the result of some murderous cyberprogram. But the quality that made him most human was the fierce dedication he demonstrated to the Emperor.

I took this posts’ title from this line, because it reverses a much more prominent quote from the original movie trilogy:

Even Obi-Wan, who used to be so extremely close to Anakin, chooses to think of him as something that has left humanity behind. The rest of galaxy seems to echo his sentiment. The topic of whether Vader is droid or human at core is brought up over and over again in Star Wars canon and most characters decidedly reach the former opinion. Tarkin doesn’t.

And this is despite the fact that when Tarkin first sees Vader as Vader, two of his mechanic limbs are in plain sight, which is a more clearly robotic appearance than most people have ever seen on Vader.

When they then meet officially as both are introduced to the Death Star project, they immediately reconnect in a way. The Tarkin novel goes out of its way to give a lengthy description of how Tarkin feels that  Vader “regarded him with clear recognition”. This is incredible because, as we know, Vader wears a motionless mask. And yet, despite this, they somehow manage to stare so intensely at each other that this wordless communication takes places.

This alone makes Tarkin suspect Vader is in fact Anakin Skywalker, a suspicion that then hardens when he sees the way Vader interacts with his troops or fights with his lightsaber. This, admittedly, isn’t all that weird for Tarkin who is extremely used to observing people, but it still speaks of him paying more attention to Vader as a person than is the general average.

Wordless communication continues to be a theme in the novel as well. Tarkin is rather skilled at reading what’s going on behind the mask, and if he’s not able to then he still makes the attempt. Where most people see Vader as his mask, as the terror the mask represents, Tarkin always puts his priority on seeing past the mask because to him, Vader is a person. Vader’s general existence doesn’t intimidate a man like Tarkin, so he has the leeway to look at who Vader is and used to be. He gives Vader a human treatment that is largely missing from his life otherwise.

And knowing who Vader used to be doesn’t diminish his appreciation of him at all. It’s sad in the novel he holds Vader “in high esteem” and “[hopes] Vader [feels] the same towards him”. His appreciation only rises during the novel, too. After Vader kills a large group of people it is explicitly said that Tarkin finds himself warming to him, so... isn’t it nice they’re on one wavelength in cruelty? Hah...

In turn, Vader gravitates towards Tarkin even in a time period when he’s still mad at him regarding the Ahsoka trial - the novel goes out of its way to show Vader initiating what is extremely close to small talk with Tarkin ("We haven’t stood together on Coruscant for some time, Governor”; “How is life on the Sentinel moon, Governor?”). 

During the novel, Vader also learns to relate more to Tarkin. This is thanks to Palpatine, who by the way has canonically spent years (since the Clone Wars!!) trying to set up Anakin and Tarkin to get along and forge a great partnership. I’m just going to paste this paragraph here so we can all see the great determination the Emperor has to make Vader like Tarkin...

Palpatine ends this conversation requesting Vader to ask Tarkin why he named his ship Carrion Spike and thus indirectly to ask about Tarkin’s past.

By the end of the novel, Vader does just that and is treated to lengthy backstory. Interesting about this is the way Vader acts while being told as much. Though normally he is hard to read, in this dialogue he goes out of his way to look down to Tarkin and make sure the other knows he’s listening. He also asks a great many specification questions. Vader is interested in Tarkin and more than that, he wants Tarkin to know as much. 

This is the turning point in their Empire Age dynamic, this is where Vader accepts Tarkin fully and they enter a proper two-sided connection. By the end of the novel, Vader appreciates Tarkin openly and shows it by delivering Tarkin’s regards to Tarkin’s enemies and even staging said enemy’s execution as a homage to a famous execution Tarkin staged in his youth. 

All of this is before they ever truly talk about Vader’s identity too, though Tarkin makes numerous references to his suspicion throughout the novel - which Vader never denies. But somewhere in those 15 years between the novel and ANH, they have to have laid it out in the open to be able to speak like they do on the Death Star. Their relationship isn’t static, they steadily grow closer and more trusting of each other over the long time they both work for the empire.

Their great co-operations during the following years at least find some appearances in canon (Tarkin delivering prisoners to Vader, their cooperation in assassinating Minister Tua, the whole of Krennic-bashing...), though I am certainly sad we don’t see them have the private-ish conversations that they logically have to have had in this timeframe.

Their relationship is an amazing one because they genuinely like and respect each other as people. To Tarkin, Vader isn’t a war machine he’s an appreciated coworker. And in return, to Vader, Tarkin is someone he can be human with, someone with whom he can afford to say ‘I’ about Anakin Skywalker. It’s subtle and certainly not alike to the hearty friendships we see on the rebel side of things, but they are as close as they can be with their personalities.

I admit that some of the scenes I covered here have alternate interpretation options, but I don’t feel like the overall point is all that off-the-mark. Vader and Tarkin in current canon just get along very well in a fashion that is more genuine than most of their relations to other people.

If you read this to the end, thank you so much. I hope I could share a bit of the fire-y love I have for them together. And a warm thanks to @skywvlked for not only dragging me into Star Wars but also helping me IMMENSELY with writing this whole thing <3

PS: on a shippy end-note, comparing Tarkin POV descriptions of Vader, like ‘rich bass of his voice’ and ‘midnight orbs’ (with regards to his mask’s eyes), to descriptions of Palpatine, like “many thought [his voice] sinister, but to Tarkin [it] merely sounded strained”, is... also something.

[wanna1studio]

NON-REQUEST: warm up to the ice queen // anime(INUxBOKUss)!ParkJihoon au

genre: fluff fluff fluff/ slight action

fic style: bulletpoints

summary: Inspired by Inu x Boku ss; where you are the school’s ice queen, known for your harsh statements/remarks. No one has broken your cold facade before. You are of the highest Yōkais, the Oni family, one of the most strongest family in the country. Jihoon is a transfer student, who is your assigned body guard, has a bond with you that you don’t recall.

warning(s): Jihoon stans get ready to sue this boy for heart attacks not a warning but this has japanese demons/beings here

you sent one more letter to your anonymous pen pal

“every day, I act like the opposite of my true self.. but you keep me sane. you are the only person who makes me sane.”

TIME SKIP

“y/n ah~ you look absolutely beautiful today!!”

“isn’t it a given for someone to take care of their looks? you should do the same-” you coldly answered to a classmate.. is that who they were?

“y/n, you want to go to the movies with us after school?”

“you should focus on studying. going to the movies with you guys isn’t going to make me smarter,” you brushed them off and made your way to your homeroom class

you go to a boarding school where the smartest and richest parents get rid of their kids

most of these kids are 100% human

only 2% of your school has kids with Yōkai blood running strong in their veins

Yōkais are Japanese supernatural beings/monsters often used in Japanese folklore

lets pretend this kpop fic as an anime ok?

one type of yōkai is the Oni, the horned ogre, who often have super strength and use a spiked iron club as a weapon

you are the only child out of your 4 siblings to have Oni blood, one of the strongest in the country

for this reason, you are sought out by many to have connections with you

you hated this

you just wanted to be normal

but since that won’t ever be the case, it’s just easier to live life by yourself

you might hurt other people anyways

that’s the reason why you push people away

you got lost in your thoughts as your teacher was explaining something about having a new student

“you can come in now!!” your female teacher was clearly ecstatic

PPHHSSTT

the door opens, and you hear the girls in your class clapping and cheering

there was a guy with fluffy hair

no biggie  

you went back to looking out the window, waiting for class to start

he scanned the room and as he look at you, he dropped everything

“Y/N!!! FINALLY WE MEET!!”

the boy pulls you out of your seat and hugs you like his life depended on it

“le-let go this instant!! are you crazy? crazy people like you should be sent to a mental institute not a high school!!” you slightly raised your voice as you tried to push him away

your strength does nothing to him, he pushes you back to look at your face clearly

“i am only crazy for you, y/n-ah” he says as he winks at you 

“but then again..you are the only person who keeps me sane”

at this point you are so confused

why do those words sound so familiar?

the teacher’s voice breaks into the conversation

“Jihoon, could you please introduce yourself so we can start class?” 

“oh. please forgive me, my name is Park Jihoon, a Yōkai. and I will be y/n’s body guard, here on out,” he turns back to smile at you and hands you an envelope with your family’s seal 

insert your stank face 

you placed the envelope in your pockets as you heard scattered murmurs in the classroom

TIME SKIP TO THE END OF LAST CLASS OF THE DAY

you opened it after class and the letter inside revealed that you were REQUIRED to have a body guard

you looked up at Jihoon reminding you of a Shiba puppy, wagging his tail

“all these years, I never had a body guard, so there will never be a need for one” you sat back down without even looking at him

“then I must dispose of myself this instant”

he draws a sword out of no where and places it near his neck

“BUT DON’T KILL YOURSELF!” you were baffled

Jihoon drops the sword and grasps your hands 

“WHAT A KIND SOUL YOU ARE!! I,Park Jihoon, exist solely for your purpose. I must be there for you when you wake up, eat, sleep, study, shower...”

he was clearly wasn’t phased by your cold facade one bit

“ABSOLUTELY NOT! what have you been doing this whole time then?” you questioned 

“I was not allowed to meet you until now.... I’m......”

“there’s no need for you to do anything for me. no one is able to do anything right. leave. but don’t kill yourself and don’t bother me again.” you were sick of people trying to enter you life and getting hurt

you didn’t want to give him false hope

as you walked past him, you felt something fly past your face

you soon felt blood trickled down your cheek

you saw charcoal-black feathers pierced into the wall behind you 

“I found you, y/n~”

you both were encountered by an unknown yōkai, a Tengu, a bird-like demon who takes the form of a human and can controls the wind

“I will make you my bride and take your blood to make me stronger”

the Tengu tries to reach for you with it’s talons

CLANG

“over my dead body” 

you see the backside of Jihoon, but he’s transformed into a beautiful Kitsune, a nine-tailed fox spirit

he welds the sword that he tried to kill himself with earlier protecting you from the Tengu

“I didn’t think that the Oni family would hire a body guard.. you’re in the way, fox!” the Tengu tries to blow Jihoon away

before you can even transform

Jihoon unleashes sky-blue flames and it catches onto the feathers of the Tengu

“I’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME” the Tengu disappears into a tornado 

...

what just happened?

Jihoon turns to look at you, and you were flustered by his appearance

his hair was longer and was in a low ponytail

his gaze was stronger and more alluring

he was clad in a white kimono attire 

and OH MY LORD

he had fox ears and nine tails

you don’t realized that his body was inches away from you

he strokes your cheek, where the feather that scratched you earlier, had been healed, with the base of his long, claw-like nails

“are you okay, y/n?”

you shook your head back to sense

“of course. I suppose you tried your best to showcase your body guard skills and I still got hurt” you released an exaggerated huff “I still don’t think that my family would send someone I don’t know to become my body guard though”

without another word, he hands you another envelope, it looked older and a little tattered

before you could open it, Jihoon wrapped his warm hand around your head and leaned in to whisper in your ear

“every day, I act like the opposite of my true self.. but you keep me sane. you are the only person who makes me sane”

you were wide-eyed; memories of you writing to you pen pal flood your head

you got teary, this was probably your first time breaking out in tears

for the most part, you never even cried as a baby

you devoted your earlier years of life writing to your pen pal

they knew everything about you and the mask that you wore everyday

your pen pal was Park Jihoon

you looked up at him

“I still can’t believe your pen name was foxy wink machine”

he winks at you

“and I still can’t believe that you are in front of me and here we are”

THE NEXT DAY

Jihoon follows you everywhere

“milady, I, Jihoon, will die if I can’t go with you~”

“Jihoon... I literally just need to use the restroom..”

“every second feels like a year..”

you wonder if he makes you sane or insane, but feel a little warmer in the inside when he is around

whatever that means

[2nd-rate-film-school]

Why Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End Is Actually a Masterpiece of Modern Blockbuster Cinema

This is a review written by my friend and fellow filmmaker, @kubrickking. It’s a bit long, since she is a huge fan (and good film critic, imo), but it is definitely worth the read.

Since my sisters and I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl in 2003, we have all shared a sense of undying loyalty to the franchise. As BIG Disneyland people, the ride was a staple in our short lives long before we even understood how the concept could become a movie. Thus, we’ve enjoyed going to the midnight premieres, viewing the ride updates, and gathering pirate merchandise through the years. At this point, however, I think it’s fair to say that while we will see whatever film they release, we consider ourselves more fans of the original trilogy than what has followed with Dead Men Tell No Tales and - what was that fourth one called again?

To that point, this review is going to be biased as shit. I was an impressionable kid when I first saw these films and I will always remember them fondly. That being said, I just rewatched them at the age of twenty and feel my reaction is very similar. I was only fourteen when I saw the fourth film and was able to admit that it was terrible. In addition, know that this is not a reflection on Johnny Depp or any of the recent publicity he has faced. I am, and would hope you are as well, able to separate his work as an actor in this series from the recent revelations about his personal life.

As a side note, I am operating this review under the information given in the films, not the historical accuracy of pirates during this time. I don’t know if pirates regularly helped transport slaves and I acknowledge that the themes related to pirates having duality as both savage criminals and good men shows undeniable moral ambiguity regarding the historical truth. Jack, along with Will, is a romanticized version of a “good” pirate for the sake of a family-friendly protagonist in a story about pirates. And this analysis operates under a full awareness of that fact.

Regardless, one of the things that has always bothered me is the dismissal of the third film subtitled At World’s End. Common criticism of the film labels it as too long, too odd, and too exaggerated with little at stake and even littler sense to it. I do agree that any viewers expecting a simple, enjoyable action flick will be undoubtedly disappointed with the third Pirates offering. However, if you’re the part of the audience that is at all invested in Jack’s dive into the Kraken at the end of Dead Man’s Chest and is smart enough to realize the film is only truly 15 minutes longer than the other two, At World’s End delivers more than you could ever ask for as a conclusive chapter.

While the first film is obviously the most efficient and coherent on both a plot and tonal level, the third film acts as a bridge for cohesiveness between the entire trilogy without shying away from taking risks. And I firmly believe these risks pay off. Unfortunately, a majority of viewers feel it is more madness than brilliance. And to them I say, “It’s remarkable how often those two traits coincide.”

The film begins on such a dark note that it’s easy to see how people get the initial impression that it will not be a “fun ride.” A montage of hangings with a somber pirates hymn that ends with the murder of a child who can’t even reach the noose without a barrel to stand on is quite a way to open a film. And those are the kinds of risks you will see taken throughout the entirety of the movie’s 169 minutes. And I intend to prove to you that they are worth it.

From that first moment onward, you are given a direct association for the villain which up to this film is still underdeveloped and has done the majority of his evil actions off screen. The actions of Lord Cutler Beckett - or the pathetic cousin from another Keira Knightley film: Pride and Prejudice - now have tangibility. He’s no longer just the plot device for the evil Davy Jones, but a bastard in his own right. While Jones did senselessly murder sailors with the Kraken, his actions were motivated by a personal and justified search for Jack. But he never murdered children during a crackdown on pirate conspirators. Beckett’s actions serve as a power play, but also as revenge for Jack's refusal to transport slaves for the East India Trading Company; okay I’ll admit, Beckett’s motivations are still a little glossed over. But the film is juggling so many of the series' villains, anti-heroes, and “bloody pirates” with selfish motivations that a further explanation just isn’t necessary. Let me clarify that. Beckett’s specific personal motivations beyond greed for fucking everything up would simply distract from what we all really care about: Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, and Elizabeth Fucking Swann.

The film proceeds to build characters and set up future plot efficiently as the setting moves to Singapore, which is not a “random” or “meaningless” choice as some would have you believe. Dialogue from Jack in the first film and during the search for him in the second have previously established Singapore as a hub for a significant band of pirates. Their journey there serves a two-fold purpose of procuring mythological navigational charts that will provide a course to Davy Jones’ Locker as well as a ship and crew to get them there. They do all the pirate-y things like misdirect attention to allow an alternate plan of stealing the charts including a crew below the floorboards ready to provide weaponry and the secondary motivation of enlisting Sao Feng in the meeting of the Bretheren Court. It also gives just a glimpse of the assertion and decisiveness that Elizabeth has carried over from her choice to sacrifice Jack to the Kraken at the end of Dead Man’s Chest.

The number one thing I love about the romance at the center of Pirates is that Elizabeth and Will still have their individual character arcs, motivations, and plot. Even after the revelation that Elizabeth indeed left Jack, they do not immediately fall back into the simple conflicts related to their affections. A confrontation below deck parallels the scene from the first film as secrets and feelings are once again revealed. But instead of making this the focus, they both decide to carry on their journeys making their own choices. In fact, the root of their individual character arcs can be traced back to the first twenty minutes of the first film, Elizabeth’s being a more internal struggle and Will’s a more external one. Elizabeth continuously evaluates her own evolving moral beliefs and desires for her life; does she condone, participate in, and forgive the actions of pirates or does she condemn them. Meanwhile, Will must focus on the familial promise and connection with his pirate father Bootstrap Bill Turner that has been a source of conflict for him since the opening sequence of the series.

Just as it has always been, their love story at the heart of it is pulled apart and put back together by the choices they make and, thus, the people they choose to become. Neither needs the other for fulfillment per say - this is why Will always waits until the last moment to profess his love or insist they marry - but they work better together than they do apart. And that is why their ending is both ironic and essential. Their marriage being officiated by Barbosa in between sword fights with cursed pirates is the only appropriate setting for the unification of the two and one of the best damn scenes.

Call me dumb or sappy, but this romance still feels honest and emotional to me in its restraint. Even though I know it was cooked up in some board room meeting of Hollywood execs, I still genuinely feel invested in it. I think it comes down to the fact that they don’t hit you over the head with it. They allow the female character room to breathe and grow independent from the romance; which is perhaps why you can interpret her ending as either the greatest or worst conclusion to a character arc. Elizabeth’s speech to the crew of the Black Pearl before they enter into battle with the Flying Dutchman gives me chills every time. Because of her heart, dedication, and true duality, she is able to understand and act on the conflict with a decisiveness and purpose that none of the other pirates can. She has allegiance to her beliefs unlike the fickle criminals around her. She fights with and for values and a purpose, enjoying the adventure and adrenaline along the way.

In a similar way, Jack Sparrow’s character is fairly consistent through this film. There is justified criticism about Depp’s performance becoming a parody of the original idea as the series has progressed, and I would agree that it has never been as pure as it was in the first film. However, I don’t feel that Sparrow becomes a full caricature until the fourth film onward and I will tell you why.

Sparrow has always been defined by equal parts wit and luck. The details of his plans or the existence of them at all has always been left up to the interpretation of the audience, with rather blatant characterization from British soldiers about if he “plans it all out or just makes it up as he goes along.” While we can assume he gets lucky a lot and doesn’t always win - i.e. the mutiny that is ingrained in his character’s history - there is obvious intelligence lurking underneath all his actions. He’s persuasive and charming in the way a dirty, murderous pirate shouldn’t and doesn’t need to be. For example, Jack spends most of the second film convincing others that the only way to get what they want is to help him first. He weighs their desires and presents ultimatums, using whatever he has as leverage against them. Jack’s long-winded dialogue scenes where he talks someone around his finger function in the same way that deduction scenes do for Sherlock Holmes.

What makes this most impressive, or the laziest writing ever, is that the people around him are often not unintelligent people. Elizabeth, Barbosa, and Will have all outsmarted Jack on screen by the beginning of the third movie, Elizabeth’s trickery even proving fatal for him. Because of this, Jack’s character is only half what’s written for him.  He is also half Depp’s performance, which does not feel strained in the original three films. Some classic Jack Sparrow moments you may have forgotten actually take place in this film include the canon firing springboard onto the pearl with Beckett’s toy figure in the mouth of the barrel, the discovery and following flipping of the ship to return home, and the manipulation of the Bretheren court to approve a vote for pirate king and subsequent battle with Beckett.

Also, if your argument is that Jack became the main character when he should only be a strong supporting character, HE DOESN’T EVEN APPEAR ON SCREEN UNTIL THIRTY-TWO MINUTES INTO THE FILM. He is a supporting character in this movie. That is tremendous restraint considering the major draw for most viewers, which was heavily capitalized upon by Disney, was Depp’s performance as Captain Jack. And when they finally do show him, it is a lengthy eight minute sequence of him arguing with himself, eating peanuts, licking rocks, and rocks becoming crabs that roll the Pearl over sand into an ocean. Not necessarily the audience-catering character re-introduction you’d see in a Marvel film. Jack is in a mythological purgatory or hell that represents the silly and truly odd essence of pirate lore, and the filmmakers honor that. From the moment Jack is back with the crew on the Pearl, his comedic moments hit every time - with the exception of the angel and devil shoulder Jacks. His interactions with everyone from Barbosa to Will to Davy Jones to Beckett are spot on. Jack is witty, wily, and wondrous as ever while twisting the desires of those around him to spare his life time and time again.

But it’s not just the comedic moments this film gets right, it also nails the emotional and dramatic ones. Particularly Will’s final moments after being stabbed by Davy Jones and Jack’s confrontation with the now dead and beached Kraken hit perfectly. Still, my favorite scene of the whole film has to be Elizabeth’s speech which leads the Pearl into battle with the Dutchman. Dialogue from three male characters plays out in the background as the camera circles Elizabeth, in solemn reflection over the release of Calypso and the impending fight. “Then what shall we die for?” she questions Barbosa. Then she continues with the fiercest fifty second monologue, throwing Barbosa’s words back at him and using them in a way he never could to inspire the pirates aboard the Pearl to rise to the occasion and “hoist the colours” - effectively answering the plea of the chain gang in the beginning of the film.

As with many blockbusters, there is a dramatic scene where the audience typically laughs out of turn. So let me be clear: if you even laugh a little bit during Elizabeth’s desperate attempts to bring her ghostly father aboard, you have no heart whatsoever. It is quite obvious to the audience, who has already been told the people in the boats are dead, that Governor Swann is beyond help. However, to the eye of someone who has seen the mythical Kraken devour the living person beside them, it may not seem so impossible that her father can also be saved. As a matter of fact, why couldn’t they save him?? I am still crying during this scene ten years later. Not because I loved his character, but because I can easily imagine my own parent afloat in one of those boats and my own hysterical attempts to reach them. Take a moment, please, and imagine your parent in this position. Not so stupid now, is she??

And this brings me to my favorite thing about the film: the visual language. Working with supernatural fables and period piece restrictions, At World’s End utilizes an array of solid and effective visuals that stimulate on levels of both the studium and the punctum. An Asian pirate ship floats on still water like glass that reflects the starry night into a mirror image, as they travel into a dimension of suspended time and space at the world’s end to retrieve a dead soul from eternal purgatory. Jack Sparrow gazes into his own reflection in the dead eye of the rotting beast that killed him and contemplates the true nature of freedom in relation to immortality. “The world used to be a bigger place,” says Barbosa and Jack responds, “The world’s still the same. There’s just less in it.” The wrath of a scorned lover materializes into a swirling maelstrom that becomes the setting for the separation of another pair of lovers. Jack holds the heart of a monster in his hand, blade at the ready, and hesitates in completing the task for fear that he faces his own future cruelty. These images as well as others in the film elevate interesting and elaborate themes into dynamic expressions of consciousness. Don’t even get me started on the coloring. And you get all those layers with an amazing dose of action and thrills.

Also, the effects in this movie still look great because they are 90% practical. Wait, you mean the series with skeleton and fish pirates has practical effects? Yes, you asshat, CGI was only used to supplement the majority of the special effects you see. While certain settings and the crew of the Dutchman are obviously computer generated, all the scenes involving ship effects were either done with the built-to-scale, fully functioning set pieces or models before receiving any post-production visual effects aid. The scenes underwater were actually shot underwater with all the lead cast and the final twenty-minute storm battle was shot on the ship decks with manufactured torrential rain for 10 weeks straight. Not cool enough yet? They also actually blew up Beckett’s ship and layered the shots of him and the other soldiers on it. That Singapore set they blew up was indoors with at least four feet of water and an entire series of buildings on stilts. And honestly that’s almost nothing compared to the shit they actually did in the second film.

Okay. I think I have to wrap this up now because if I even get started on Hans Zimmer’s score, this could double in word count. If you can’t tell already, I really enjoy this super under-appreciated film and I absolutely adore this series as a whole. It has flaws, it can be stupid at times, and sometimes moments fall flat. But the code for a “good” film is "more what you’d call guidelines than actual rules." I still feel my love for this series has been well-founded and well-intentioned for 14 years strong (nearly 70% of my life). Now if you remember "Pirates 3” as being a dud, I encourage you to rewatch and rediscover the magic within. If you were waiting for the "opportune moment," this is it!

[kcaruth]

Movie Mania: Top 10 of 2019

Another year of movies, another year a Star Wars film sadly did not make the cut for my list. With 2019′s The Rise of Skywalker, it is absolutely clear that the folks at Disney/Lucasfilm had no roadmap for this sequel trilogy whatsoever, which is an utter shame given their abundance of resources and proven ability to produce quality content as seen with the success of The Mandalorian.

In a rare occurrence, I saw most of the films nominated in the major categories for the Academy Awards. In fact, the Academy nominated seven out of my top 10 films for at least one award. I would say that 2019 was a markedly stronger year for film than 2018, so I have allowed myself a couple of extra honorable mention slots. One quick housekeeping note before I unveil my 2019 list: I’m retroactively moving Game Night and A Quiet Place ahead of Bohemian Rhapsody and Green Book on my 2018 list. Now it is time to jump into my favorite films of 2019. (No spoilers!)

Honorable Mention: Joker

Nominated for a whopping 11 Oscars (equaling The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King [which swept all 11], The Godfather [Parts 1 and 2], West Side Story, and Saving Private Ryan, among others), Joker should get an award for most divisive film of the year. Directed by Todd Phillips (yes, the same guy who directed The Hangover), Joker is a psychological thriller staring Joaquin Phoenix that provides a possible origin story for Batman’s arch-nemesis. Before becoming the Joker, Phoenix’s character, Arthur Fleck, dreams of becoming a famous stand-up comedian. His gradual descent into insanity, nihilism, and violence mirrors the chaotic anarchy slowly consuming the decaying Gotham City as its citizens revolt against the wealthy and better-off.

Despite the concerns surrounding Joker that it would inspire real-world violence, the film has grossed over one billion dollars, making it the first R-rated film to do so. Phoenix disappears into his role, and Icelandic composer Hildur Guðnadóttir’s haunting score brilliantly conveys the inner pain and turmoil in Arthur’s mind as well as the dying light of Gotham. (Guðnadóttir made history as the first solo woman to win a Golden Globe for best original film score.) In an interview with Forbes, Guðnadóttir explained the concept of her turbulent score. “In the beginning, it’s almost just like a solo cello, but in reality, there’s a whole symphony orchestra behind the cello. It’s almost like this hidden force that he doesn’t know about and as he starts to kind of discover what he’s gone through and what’s actually happened to him, the forces become louder and more aggressive. The orchestra takes over and almost eats the cello alive.”

Although Joker is a powerful film and and makes strong statements about mental illness and poverty, its gruesome, unhinged violence can be hard to handle. Everything is shown in graphic, bloody detail, making the thought of a repeat viewing undesirable. I also could have done without a couple of choices that were made involving the Waynes, especially one scene that we have seen over and over again.

Honorable Mention: Ford v Ferrari

As someone who really does not care all that much about cars and their inner workings, this film did the one thing it needed to do for me: It made me come out exclaiming, “Yeah, cars!”

In all seriousness, James Mangold’s sharp direction smartly focuses not on the sport of racing but rather on its big personalities. Those personalities gripped me so much that I immediately started researching their lives after the film ended. The plot follows Carroll Shelby and Ken Miles as they are dispatched by Henry Ford II to dethrone the dominant Ferrari racing team with an American-made car. Along the way, they have to deal with mechanical setbacks and corporate interference to achieve their goal.

This film’s cast is outstanding. Matt Damon and Christian Bale’s deep but sometimes heated friendship as Shelby and Miles is the heart of the film. Tracy Letts as Ford II and Josh Lucas as Leo Beebe, senior executive vice president of Ford, give off the perfect amount of corporate stench to make them unlikable but not unbelievable. 14-year-old Noah Jupe comes off his great performance in 2018′s A Quiet Place to deliver another stellar outing here as Miles’ young son. However, Jon Bernthal felt a bit underused as Lee Iacocca, vice president of Ford, and Cautriona Balfe’s role as Mollie Miles, Ken’s wife, though well-acted, felt like it could have been removed entirely without much consequence to the film overall.

With a moving score and great cinematography, Ford v Ferrari unexpectedly tugged at my heartstrings, and the infectious passion Shelby, Miles, and these other characters have for cars managed to rub off on me, which might be the ultimate testimonial for this film.

Honorable Mention: 1917

1917 has been hyped as “that World War I movie with one continuous take,” but it is so much more than that. World War I was a stark clash between 20th-century technology and 19th-centry tactics. With soldiers largely trapped in trench warfare, conflicts commonly turned into battles of attrition. That does not exactly translate into exciting cinema, which explains why there are so many more films about World War II. Karl Vick acknowledges this in Time magazine, writing, “motion pictures do require a certain amount of motion, and the major accomplishment of 1917...may be that its makers figured out what the generals could not: a way to advance” (Karl Vick. Time. "Escaping the Trench". January 20, 2020. Page 38-41.)

What more can one say about Roger Deakins at this point? What he and director Sam Mendes created with the cinematography of this film is nothing short of fantastic. With its cinematic achievement of what is made to look like one continuous shot, 1917 presents most of its actors with only a small amount of screen time to make an impact, and they are more than up to the challenge. Mark Strong, Andrew Scott, Benedict Cumberbatch, Colin Firth, Richard Madden, and others all leave a lasting impression with their extremely short encounters with the film’s main characters, Lance Corporal Blake (Dean-Charles Chapman [Tommen!]) and Lance Corporal Schofield (George MacKay). Mendes places the bulk of the weight of the film on Chapman and MacKay’s shoulders, and they luckily carry it with natural ease. Working together with the one continuous take style, Thomas Newman’s riveting score keeps viewers on the edge of their seat and makes them feel like they are part of this life-or-death mission with the lance corporals.

If I had to list a couple of flaws with the film, I would say that one of the characters feels like he has untouchable plot armor. It almost seems like Mendes and company hope that the awe-inspiring cinematography will make viewers forgiving or even ignorant of the amount of times this character should be fatally shot or even injured, but I understand that some artistic license is necessary to convey the story they want to tell. The nature of the cinematography employed here also makes it difficult to get a grasp on distances and positioning because the shot is never really allowed to zoom out or give an aerial view since it is fixed on the lance corporals.

Unfortunately, I experienced this breathtaking film with one of my worst theater audiences of 2019. Much of the film was drowned out by the ladies sitting next to me who felt the need to constantly narrate everything that was happening on screen. “He’s going down into the trenches.” “Look! He’s jumping into the water.” Etc., etc. This is not your living room, people! If people want to talk over a film like this and provide running commentary and narration, they should wait for its home release. Your fellow audience members are not blind, and we would greatly appreciate it if you remained quiet.

#10: Spider-Man: Far From Home

After Avengers: Endgame released earlier in the year, the spotlight promptly shifted to Jon Watts’ Spider-Man: Far From Home, and he did a tremendous job with this film. Serving as both the epilogue to Endgame and the sequel to Spider-Man: Homecoming, Far From Home effectively closes out phase three and sets the stage for the next era of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Far From Home is the first Spider-Man film to pass the billion-dollar mark, and it is not hard to see how it managed to pull that off. The returning cast led by Tom Holland as Peter Parker/ Spider-Man retains its great chemistry, and Jake Gyllenhaal is the perfect choice to play Quentin Beck/ Mysterio, complete with a great theme from returning composer Michael Giacchino. Fans of Spider-Man have been waiting forever to see this character on the big screen, and I am happy to report the film does him justice. Watts especially knocks his character out of the park with a certain sequence about halfway through the film that I was beyond thrilled to see.

The film is set immediately after the events of Endgame and finds Peter and his high school class taking an international field trip to Europe. The writers do an amazing job explaining the ramifications of Endgame, and the way they weave plot details and character motivations together all the way back from phase one of the MCU is mind-blowing. Watts realizes that there needs to be some levity after Endgame, so this film is full of laugh-out-loud humor and charmingly awkward teen road-trip set-pieces. Oh, and did I mention it has one of the best mid-credits scenes in the entire MCU that dramatically alters the characters’ futures going forward?

#9: Toy Story 4

I have a deep personal connection to the Toy Story franchise. I grew up watching Toy Story and Toy Story 2 on repeat, and Toy Story 3 came out during my senior year of high school. Those who have seen that film know why it especially resonated with me at that age. In my opinion, Toy Story 3 ended the trilogy perfectly; there was no way another film could top its emotional ending. When I heard that Pixar was coming out with Toy Story 4, I was not going to pass up another opportunity to hang out with Woody, Buzz, and the gang, of course, (neither was anyone else, seeing as this is the highest grossing film of the franchise) but I set my expectations to a low, manageable level.

Although I was disappointed that Buzz and the rest of Andy’s old toys were not as heavily involved in the plot and did not have all that much time to interact with Woody, I was impressed overall with the new characters and was happy to see Bo Peep return. In this film, Bo breaks through her porcelain design and exhibits a character with total agency over her choices. Everything about her redesign and the way she carries herself is awesome. Keanu Reeves’ Canadian daredevil Duke Caboom steals every scene he is in, and Christina Hendricks’ Gabby Gabby gave me terrifying flashbacks to Talky Tina from the “Living Doll” episode of The Twilight Zone.

As audiences have come to expect from Pixar, the film delivers stunning animation and a signature big emotional gut punch, which it earns it by building up genuinely heartwarming moments throughout its run time that address themes such as the difficulty of change, the beauty of imperfection, the mystery of creation and the meaning of life, and the importance of serving others. As Matt Zoller Seitz writes for RogerEbert.com, “This franchise has demonstrated an impressive ability to beat the odds and reinvent itself, over a span of time long enough for two generations to grow up in. It's a toy store of ideas, with new wonders in every aisle.”

#8: Doctor Sleep

Writer-director Mike Flanagan took on the unenviable task of pleasing two different parties when Warner Bros. hired him in January 2018: fans of Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining from 1980 and Stephen King and fans of his books The Shining and Doctor Sleep. Somehow, he managed to pull it off.

After visiting the Timberline Lodge in Oregon, the location used in Kubrick’s film for the exterior of the Overlook Hotel, this past summer, I decided it was finally time to watch The Shining. I can attest it is just as much a masterpiece as many people say it is. My favorite part: it is a horror movie that does not rely on jump scares. When I heard the Flanagan wanted to chop away at the horror genre’s reliance on jump scares, I was even more excited to see Doctor Sleep. Flanagan said, “When we were developing the project and when we were talking about the metered expectations audiences have about, in particular, jump scares and startles and the pacing of those, which we’re utterly uninterested in this film, I would say, ‘What’s your favorite jump scare in The Shining?’ There isn’t one. The same is true here. We used a lot of the lessons that Kubrick taught us about how to do a psychological thriller, a supernatural thriller, in a way that is more about suffocating atmosphere and tension than it ever is about the kind of traditional scares as we understand them today.”

It is well known that King really disliked Kubrick’s adaptation of his book. He disliked it so much, in fact, that he wrote and executive-produced a new version with the 1997 television miniseries. In his approach to Doctor Sleep, Flanagan first read King’s book, which was published in 2013, and then consulted closely with the author to reconcile the differences between the book and film version of The Shining. After reading Flanagan’s script, King felt like his least favorite parts of Kubrik’s film had been “redeemed.”

Set several decades after The Shining, Doctor Sleep reunites audiences with Danny Torrance, played by everyone’s favorite Jedi, Ewan McGregor. Danny continues to struggle with the childhood trauma he endured at the Overlook Hotel during the events of The Shining, turning to alcohol to numb the pain and his psychic abilities. Meanwhile, the True Knot, a cult of psychic vampires led by Rose the Hat (Rebecca Ferguson), is on the hunt for children with psychic abilities like Danny’s, and they are hot on the trail of young Abra Stone, played by Kyliegh Curran in her feature film debut.

With the benefit of having just seen The Shining a couple of months before this film, I was able to appreciate Flanagan’s careful attention to detail. He is clearly a fan of both King and Kubrick, but he does not let his admiration for them impede his own creative vision. He expertly balances original content with just the right amount of fan service and callbacks to The Shining. Even without jump scares, the film has plenty of horrifying moments, especially one involving young actor Jacob Tremblay that echoed in my mind long after the film had ended. Ewan McGregor is fabulous, as always, convincingly portraying Dan’s fight with his inner demons, and Rebecca Ferguson looks like she is having a devilishly good time as Rose the Hat. Above all, I was surprised to learn that this was Kyliegh Curran’s film debut. She is so comfortable on camera and has painted a bright future for herself out of the darkness of this film.

Doctor Sleep gave me all sorts of chills down my spine, induced by the eerie atmosphere of certain scenes as well as extremely well-timed tie-ins to its predecessor, that left me hungry for even more Stephen King stories.

#7: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Set in 1969 Los Angeles, Quentin Tarantino’s ninth film stays true to its name and delivers an alternate version of events that unfolded in Hollywood that year. In addition to Sharon Tate, Roman Polanski, and the Manson Family, the film tells the story of fictional characters Rick Dalton and Cliff Booth. Dalton is a veteran Hollywood actor most famous for starring in a Western television series called Bounty Law who believes he is approaching the end of his career. Booth, a war veteran with a shady past, is Dalton’s best friend and longtime stunt double. Together, they attempt to navigate the final stretch of Hollywood’s Golden Age.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt work incredibly well together as Dalton and Booth, respectively, with neither star trying to outshine the other. Margot Robbie, on the other hand, does not get a lot of material to work with as Tate. (Do not tell Tarantino that.) Conversely, Julia Butters blew me away as Trudi Fraser, Dalton’s eight-year-old co-star in the pilot of a new American Western series. She more than holds her own acting side by side with DiCaprio.

Although the film moves at a slow pace, leaving me to wonder at times where this story was even going or if I was just watching a day in the life, Tarantino’s usual engaging, snappy dialogue entertains even when there is no real action happening on screen. With this being Tarantino, audiences have to accept his signature peculiarities, like close-up shots of feet, to be treated to another perfectly crafted soundtrack, complete with classic rock and roll, old-time DJ chatter, and period-accurate radio commercials. In the end, the slow pacing of Tarantino’s script actually helps enhance the heart-stopping standoff at the halfway point and the absurd payoff at the end. Clearly, this film is Tarantino’s passion project. In fact, he said it is “probably my most personal. I think of it like my memory piece... This is me. This is the year that formed me. I was six years old then. This is my world. And this is my love letter to L.A.” No wonder he publicly referred to it as Magnum Opus while he was writing it.

#6: El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

Written and directed by the creator himself, Vince Gilligan, El Camino serves as the epilogue to Breaking Bad, giving fans closure on certain questions and characters. Many favorites from the series return in some form or fashion (shout-out to Jesse Plemons for absolutely crushing his role here), but the focus always remains on Jesse Pinkman. Whereas Breaking Bad was Walter White’s story, El Camino puts Jesse center stage, and Aaron Paul gives one of the best performances of his career, fully tapping into his character’s desperate, damaged psyche.

Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul are two of my favorite television shows, and I think Gilligan is one of the best show runners in the business. He manages to incorporate the tone and atmosphere from the world of those two shows into this film seamlessly, and he rewards longtime fans with a nice amount of Easter eggs. Cinematographer Marshall Adams deserves so much praise for the jaw-dropping shots that grace the screen, especially the ones that show off the New Mexico landscape. He has an astonishing ability to make every frame look like a detailed painting. Editor Skip Macdonald should also be recognized for his work, particularly for the way his editing of Jesse searching for something in an apartment reinforces Gilligan’s non-linear revelatory style of storytelling.

El Camino does not waste any time with exposition, so someone who has not seen Breaking Bad cannot jump right into this film and understand what is going on. Then again, what rock have you been hiding under if you have not seen Breaking Bad at this point? What are you waiting for? Let this be your motivation to finally watch it, and then once you have made it through the series and El Camino, keep the good times rolling and watch Better Call Saul, which is just as good, if not maybe even a little better than, Breaking Bad.

#5: Jojo Rabbit

Only the whimsical genius of Taika Waititi could have concocted this irreverent, dark satire set against the backdrop of World War II Nazi Germany. Based on Christine Leunens’ book Caging Skies, Jojo Rabbit stars Roman Griffin Davis as the titular Johannes “Jojo” Betzler, a jingoistic 10-year-old German boy enrolled in the Hitler Youth. Jojo lives with his mother, Rosie, played by Scarlett Johansson. As far as Jojo knows, his father is fighting on the Italian Front, so he often turns to his imaginary friend, a wacky version of Adolf Hitler (Waititi), for advice and support as Germany becomes more desperate as the war starts to reach its conclusion.

Jojo Rabbit’s black comedy places viewers in plenty of predicaments in which they want to laugh, are not sure its entirely appropriate, but still end up doing so anyway. The film balances this out by keeping a good amount of heartrendingly emotional and genuinely sweet moments tucked up its sleeve. Waititi and Romanian cinematographer Mihai Mălaimare, Jr.’s visual storytelling is on a whole different level, carefully using ordinary imagery as subconscious foreshadowing, leading to one of the biggest breath-stealing shocks of the entire year that stopped my heart and rocked me to my core. Michael Giacchino seems to have been criminally overlooked by the Academy for his simultaneously jaunty and intimate score that adds yet another impressive layer to the film’s wide range of emotional beats. Living in a world fueled by hate, Davis, Johansson, and Thomasin McKenzie’s characters show how compassion and the willingness to try to come to a common understanding can change, and in some cases save, lives.

#4: Marriage Story

Writer-director Noah Baumbach paints what may be the most brutally honest picture of divorce I have ever seen on screen in Marriage Story. Before Marriage Story, I had never seen one of Baumbach’s films, but I get the sense from this film that he takes a very grounded approach to storytelling.

Marriage Story stars Adam Driver and Scarlet Johansson as Charlie and Nicole Barber. Charlie is an acclaimed theater director, and Nicole is his muse. Despite her acting skills, Charlie always receives all the praise, leaving Nicole to congratulate him from the back seat and contemplate what kind of professional movie and television acting career she possibly gave up to be with him. She also misses living in Los Angeles and being close to her family. At the center of this tenuous relationship is the couple’s young son, Henry. As things go from bad to worse in their relationship, Charlie and Nicole start down the path to divorce, initially wanting to approach everything amicably without involving lawyers, but quickly walking back on that as they begin to doubt each other’s motives and end goals, especially in regards to Henry.

Driver and Johansson both put on a masterclass of acting here, but I would have to give Driver my nod in choosing the stronger performance of the two. He is a tour de force in this film, unyielding to the unflinching camera. Alan Alda and Laura Dern keep pace with Driver and Johannson beat for beat as Bert Spitz and Nora Fanshaw, Charlie and Nicole’s lawyers. Baumbach smartly chooses not to wallow in the melodrama of the messy divorce, showing that small, flickering sparks of love still exist between Charlie and Nicole, maybe not enough to reignite the flame that brought them together in the first place, but enough to convince you that they still have a hope for some kind of happiness.

#3: Knives Out

After the Internet firestorm that was Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rian Johnson did the best thing he could have possibly done—he went far, far away from any established franchises, rounded up an all-star ensemble cast, and wrote and directed his own original murder mystery film. Through some ingenious plotting, Johnson revitalizes the entire genre and turns the classic whodunit on its head, all the while delivering some timely social commentary. Complete with Daniel Craig delivering a monologue about donut holes in a southern gentleman accent, Knives Out is an absolute delight.

The events of the film center around the Thrombey family, with the main mystery beginning after patriarch and rich crime writer Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer) is found dead in an apparent suicide the morning after his big 85th birthday party with his family at his mansion. An anonymous source informs private detective Benoit Blanc (Craig) of Harlan’s death and hires him to investigate.

A huge fan of classical mystery thrillers and comedies, Johnson’s love of the genre is tangible, but he never allows the narrative to become overly meta, referential, or even reverential, for that matter. I have already mentioned Craig and how much fun he looks like he is having in his role as Blanc, but Ana de Armas breaks out as Marta Cabrera, Harlan’s caretaker, and is the heart of the film. The rest of this high caliber ensemble cast has its moments, and I only felt like a couple of the characters were completely disposable, such as Jaeden Martell’s Jacob Thrombey, for example.

Johnson keeps his audience on its toes for the entire film. Just when the solution seems obvious, he throws another twist at them to throw them off the scent. It is a true shame that Knives Out received only one nomination from the Academy, but Johnson more than deserves that nomination for best original screenplay.

#2: Avengers: Endgame

It has all led up to this, the culmination of phases one through three of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Admittedly, I was not the biggest fan of Avengers: Infinity War; I did not care for its overall slow pacing. Avengers: Endgame, however, is everything I wanted in this grand finale of the Infinity Saga. Whereas Infinity War felt overcrowded, Endgame brings it all back home to the original Avengers team for the majority of its surprisingly swift 182-minute run time, allowing them to essentially take a victory lap before the next phase of this cinematic universe begins. In the interest of not giving anything away, I will keep this brief, and trust me when I say that I could go on and on talking about how much I enjoyed this film. I will just end by saying that directors Anthony and Joe Russo and producer Kevin Feige certainly reward the dedication of fans who have watched all 21 films leading up to Endgame, and Robert Downey, Jr. submits one of his best performances as Tony Stark/Iron Man. #ILoveYou3000

#1: Parasite

Far and away my favorite film of 2019 was Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite, a South Korean dark comedy home-invasion thriller about a poor family plotting to improve their circumstances by tricking an extremely wealthy family into hiring them by posing as unrelated, highly skilled individuals.

I came into this film ignorant of its premise, and I was completely floored. This is Bong Joon-ho in total control of his craft. Parasite has a mesmeric rhythm to it that is aesthetically energized, allowing the film’s strikingly bold tonal shifts to work so well. Every act increases the ever-present nail-biting suspense, supplemented by cinematic moments of pure genius like the nearly five-minute long montage towards the end of the first hour. Every single member of the cast knocks it out of the park, and there is enough social commentary to fuel college essays for years. The twists zig when you think they are going to zag; it is a truly wild ride. To put it quite simply, Parasite is a masterpiece.

The following are a list of films I saw from 2019, in no particular order:

·         Glass

·         How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

·         Captain Marvel

·         Shazam!

·         Avengers: Endgame

·         Aladdin

·         Booksmart

·         Rocketman

·         X-Men: Dark Phoenix

·         Men in Black: International

·         Toy Story 4

·         Spider-Man: Far From Home

·         Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

·         Joker

·         Parasite

·         Jojo Rabbit

·         The Lighthouse

·         Doctor Sleep

·         Ford v Ferrari

·         Frozen II

·         Knives Out

·         Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

·         1917

·         The Two Popes

·         The Irishman

·         Marriage Story

·         El Camino

·         Uncut Gems

·         One Piece: Stampede

I somehow completely forgot I saw The Peanut Butter Falcon and absolutely adored it; I definitely recommend checking out this feel-good film.

My 2018 film list: https://kcaruth.tumblr.com/post/182182411291/movie-mania-top-10-of-2018

My 2017 film list: https://kcaruth.tumblr.com/post/171040800751/movie-mania-top-15-of-2017

My 2016 film list: https://kcaruth.tumblr.com/post/156340406236/movie-mania-top-15-of-2016

[mixtapekings]

Listen Review of Future’s ‘High Off Life’ by djbooth.net

Future’s ‘High Off Life’ is a familiar journey through a terrain of toxic lust, sleepless paranoia, wealthy boasts, and deep-seated trauma.

Hip-hop recognizes Future, born Nayvadius Wilburn, as a multi-Platinum, GRAMMY-winning trendsetter who doesn’t follow anyone’s rules but his own. Instead of working inside the industry, Future works around it, doing as he pleases from a mountain top built upon his tireless work ethic. Consistency, as much as talent, made him into a superstar.

So it should come as no surprise that Future decided to release his eighth studio album, High Off Life, during a pandemic. While some of his peers are waiting until the storm passes, Future moves forward, releasing new music as if unphased by the world’s tragic predicament. With features from Young Thug, Lil Uzi Vert, Drake, DaBaby, and more, High Off Life is the biggest release of the week, but will it be the best?

In usual 1-Listen album review fashion, the rules are the same: no skipping, no fast-forwarding, no rewinding, and no stopping. Each song will receive my gut reaction from start to finish.

1. “Trapped In The Sun”

The atmosphere feels like the beginning of an epic tale of a man turned monster. “That yellow Lambo outside.” Boss talk. Future makes trap music sound like Greek mythology. The bounce is infectious. The production could score a remake of Scarface. Brags on top of brags. Future is a super-villain, and he does not hide it. Future is in his mixtape bag. He has mastered “Former drug dealer who made it out of that life” lyricism, but I heard this story before. Strong start. Will revisit.

2. “HiTek Tek”

Let’s see where he goes. Banger! ATL Jacob tag! The bass would devour a weaker rapper. Future is like a toxic Energizer Bunny who loves any beat that makes him sound like he’s in the center of chaos. “I started off po, but not no mo.” He’s flexing like the rich rapper that he is. A lot of tricks. Future still finds the fun in rap. ATL Jacob is a beast. This song is full of sound effects. I laughed at him bragging about having the Glock on him while sitting courtside. Why sir? Why do you have that on you? The production reminds me of What A Time To Be Alive. This one is good.

3. “Touch The Sky”

Southside production. This is good. “Off the top rope, Andre the Giant.” Future is full of wealthy stunts. Is he one of the best braggers in rap? [Editor’s Note: Yes.] I’m loving this. “I can tell she got a man by the way she text me, nigga.” This man is a monster. “I perform with my drum” is a robust double entendre. Yeah, we have a keeper. I’m a sucker for Future and Southside collabs. These two are mad scientists wreaking havoc. Doctor Robotnik meets Shadow the Hedgehog. Future is the Shadow of hip-hop, and Drake is his Sonic.

4. “Solitaries” feat. Travis Scott

How many collabs does Future have with Travis? Wheezy tag! Shouts to Lil Wayne, lol. Future sounds lively. This man just said, “Coronavirus diamonds you can catch the flu.” Future is his name, outlandish is his language. Travis is getting to it. Not mad, but not in love either. I would have loved it on Travis’ Birds in the Trap Sing McKnight. Skip.

5. “Ridin Strikes”

Every Future album is a reminder that he’s richer than you. “Ridin Strikes” sounds like you should play it in a tank. He’s getting some bars off. My only issue with Future is, the subject matter starts to get stale. He overstuffs his album to the point where I crave a change. Can he hear my thoughts? The beat just switched. A news clip. Oh, this is something. I would watch Future in a bank robber movie. Give him a role like T.I in Takers. Alright, I’ll keep this one.

6. “One of My”

A simple build-up. He’s taking his time with this one. Yep! His vocal texture is the perfect tone for a ghost story. “One of my niggas ain’t got no soul.” YEP! We have the one. Future hangs out with some terrible guys. I wish we had a way of seeing a person’s karma. If Future lives his raps, I know his karma is in dangerous reds. I wish this were the intro. Imagine a Future styled GKMC; that was probably Monster. “One of my niggas ain’t got no soul” is the spookiest lyric of 2020.

7. “Posted With My Demons”

This beat sounds like a bottomless pit of despair. This is not what Tory Lanez meant by Demon Time. Future jumps on haunted beats and tells you about the monsters underneath your bed. High Off Life has been mostly about his past trails and his present riches. “All this dope I sold.” There’s a lot of darkness in this man’s heart. He looks like such a wholesome man. “If the streets don’t kill you first, it will make you strong.” Future makes trap music; real trap music; music that represents the inescapable cycle of darkness that will corrupt saints and cause angels to fall from heaven. Keeper.

8. “Hard To Choose One”

If you like trap Future, this album is for you. Future’s delivery sounds slower than usual. I wonder if that’s because Lil Baby raps so fast. The two have similar perspectives, except Lil Baby has a good heart. He’s practically the Little Mermaid compared to Future’s Ursula. Don’t mind me; I have animation on the brain. Love his flow here. “Load up my rifle; I don’t go to bed.” Future is haunted by something, and no one can convince me otherwise. The last three songs have all been killer.

 9. “Trillionaire” feat. YoungBoy Never Broke Again

Jeff Bezos is going to make this song his ringtone. Youngboy is taking advantage of all the attention he’s garnished over the last year or so. Future aligns himself with young rappers who compliment him. Future is singing his heart out. I kind of missed him singing. Youngboy is singing, too. This is a started from the bottom rap ballad. “Trillionaire” might be the breakout record. YouTube views are going to be crazy.

10. “Harlem Shake” feat. Young Thug

I have a good feeling about this one. “Choppa make them do the Harlem Shake.” Future loves to rap over beats that sound like they would play in a strip club with a low health score. Just filthy. Thugger! I wish the tempo were a few BPM faster. Thug was cool. He didn’t explode as I expected him. That was mild. A cherry bomb, not an atomic one. Eh, not in love. Feels lazy. Skip.

11. “Up The River”

Maybe it’s because I’ve been in the house, but High Off Life sounds like an outside album, not a quarantine album. Future didn’t make this album for a world socially distancing. Okay! We got some heartfelt reflection. The super-villain dropped the act. Nevermind. “Got no room for mistakes.” Can someone please put Future in the studio with Mir Fontane. Those two would make something crazy.  I hope the second half leans into this direction.

12. “Pray For A Key”

Out of all the things Future could pray for, he prays for a “key.” Super-villain. There’s some premium trauma on this album, word to my boy Michael Penn II. “I been dying to go berserk.” Not a bad record. I like the production. The synth in the background is a nice touch. “Used to pray for a key.” This is… Cool.

13.  “Too Comfortable”

“Bitch, don’t get too comfortable.” Sheesh, that’s how you feel, man? I wish we could get a For The Love of Future reality show. That would be premium television. We got something here. I like the production; I also like the tone, flow, and energy. Future is such a subtle talker. No matter what he says, it never sounds as malicious as the words are. Who made this beat? It’s gorgeous. [Editor’s Note: Southside.] Oh, he just mentioned his son. He’s opening up. Dang, that was short-lived. What is Future’s real-life like? He’s a mystery. It’s part of the allure. “Better not get too comfortable.” I’ll keep this one—the most personal song on the album. Well, besides the one about his friends with no souls.

14. “All Bad” feat. Lil Uzi Vert

I love how shameless Future is. He doesn’t care if you judge him; his life is his life. Uzi brought a change in sound. All his beats sound like they belong in video games. Gotta love the colorfulness. “I’m from a whole different world.” I believe it, sir. “My nickname is Yung Spendit.” That’s a solid nickname haha. This one is a trampoline. I love that Uzi is back to releasing music. He’s a walking cartoon. “I am way smarter than you.” Baby Pluto and Pluto Sr. are a good combo. “If I hang up, don’t call back at all.” Future is a rap star who doesn’t dim his light for no one. I wonder when was the last time he apologized to someone. Probably never. You don’t become a superstar apologizing.

15. “Outer Space Bih”

The keys are gorgeous. Future has a solid beat selection. They’re distinctive, but only a handful stand out. This one does. “I’m a driving drug store.” I see “Outer Space Bih” being a favorite. “I got two G Wagons in my ears.” Future stunts are becoming more impressive. I see why he and Drake get along. They like to make us all feel poor. Keeper.

16. “Accepting My Flaws”

This title sounds like an outro. Who is that? Dang, someone is ranting. I wonder how Future would acknowledge his flaws? 808 Mafia tag. Yes! Man, this sounds like driving a hellcat in hell. Feels like a Future classic. HE’S GETTING TO IT. “Drink my blood, baby, we going digital.” I hope we never find out what Future does in his private life. I know it’s nothing good. Two minutes in and I’m ready to run it back. He’s on a roller-coaster. “Fuck them all, we don’t show them sympathy.” So far, not one mention of his flaws. I love it. “Lord forgive me I been on a rampage.” He has been fighting his demons; he’s been fighting the cup. Oh man, this is good. Easily the best record on the album.

17. “Life Is Good” feat. Drake

I like this record. It’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in rap form. “Baby got an ego twice the size of the crib.” Can’t imagine a woman with an ego bigger than Drake’s mansion. I can’t believe these two dropped this song in January, and life immediately got bad. How Future catches the beat switch is something serious. Lyrically, he sounds so alive. “Life Is Good” is one of his best rap performances on the album. He gets into a completely different zone when Drake is featured. Rap would sound completely different without Future. “Life Is Good” is a keeper, but this album doesn’t need to continue.

18. “Last Name” feat. Lil Durk

“I take care of families.” Oh, wait, we have something. This is sweet. Melodic Future bleeding it out. “I can’t go to sleep, I’m too paranoid.” I guess that’s why he wants a Draco in London. Being that famous can’t be fun. Lil Durk sounds great. Pray that all rappers get the healing they deserve. So many great songs inspired by deep sorrow. “Laughing to the bank got me running wild.” Future and Durk tag-teaming the last verse was sweet.

19. “Tycoon”

One day, Future will realize that we don’t need 21 songs. “Took that Draco on a PJ, I ain’t playing.” Man, this album is a paranoia parade. As much as I like confessional Future, I feel like he told us everything we needed to know about his life in the streets on “Sorry.” “Tycoon” is a good song, but this deep into the album, it’s not hitting as hard as it should. Bloated albums do a disservice to the deeper cuts. Admittedly, bloated albums are terrible for 1 Listens. It’s like being held hostage in a studio. [Editor’s Note: I apologize.] Okay, that was a little dramatic. Good record, though.

20. “100 Shooters” feat. Meek Mill & Doe Boy

Tay Keith tag! Okay! These hi-hats just woke me up. A nice Nas/Belly reference. Meek! I haven’t played any Meek lately. Hearing his voice is refreshing. I could use a new Meek project. [Editor’s Note: He’s working on one.] Man, Future does not care about these ladies’ broken hearts. I’m sure he breaks up with women just to rap about it. This is a good record. I would’ve liked this song earlier in the album. Doe Boy! This is a solid performance. I would like on a gym playlist. Nothing says leg day like having 100 shooters outside.

21. “Life Is Good [Remix]” feat. Drake, DaBaby & Lil Baby

This album is longer than the wait at Red Lobster on Mother’s Day. “Help me fight my demons.” At what age should you be expected to deal with your demons alone? I didn’t mean that. We all deserve a shoulder to lean on, no matter your age. I can’t wait until Future drops a gospel redemption album. It’s going to be glorious. “Halloween gang in this bitch.” Why is Drake credited on this? My man did not come back as a guest star. The beat switch is meaner than a classroom of toddlers on silent lunch. DaBaby! Such a great rap voice. He found a good pocket. He delivered a strong guest verse. “You a throwaway, baby, it’s okay.” Man, rappers can be so savage. Lil Baby! The pure-hearted gangster. His flow is something else—a rapping roadrunner. I hope Lil Baby will always rap like the cops are about to raid the studio, and he has to finish the verse before they kick the door in.

Final (First Listen) Thoughts on Future’s High Off Life

Future’s High Off Life is a journey through a terrain of toxic lust, sleepless paranoia, wealthy boasts, and deep-seated trauma. Mostly, it’s another chapter from the book of Nayvadius. We have a familiar gospel on our hands.

High Off Life features Future giving the people what they expect. We have a hopeless romantic who relishes the ghosts of his past and refuses to look away from the prosperity of his present. The 36-year-old rap innovator delivers another long-winded recollection of guns, glory, girls, drugs, and demons with suave flows and hypnotic cadences over hard-hitting production from the usual suspects.

To his credit, Future understands that he is a roller-coaster. The kind of artist who follows a designated path of loops, twists, and turns without losing the rush that makes each ride thrilling. High Off Life adds 21 new attractions to his dark, twisted theme park. It’s just that, we’ve all been here before.

Listen to Future on Audiomack.

from Listen Review of Future’s ‘High Off Life’ by djbooth.net

[unfacetedpalindrome-blog]

Life is heavy, no doubt it. There are so many things to keep up w: work, family, finances, a social life, dreams, and much more, and there’s no way to truly know what to expect from every new day. There are many methods and escapes that people use to diffuse the uneasiness and anxiety that sometimes arises due to the uncertainty and weight of life itself. I took the liberty of spelling out my personal methods and channels to inner peace here. GOD FIRST Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Maybe you can relate; maybe you can’t. W that being said, I constantly depend on prayer and the ingestion of the Word of God to deepen my relationship w Him. I read The Bible itself, I watch sermons on YouTube, I attend church on Sundays, and I recently started attending Bible Studies on Tuesdays. Getting closer to God has given me much more clarity than I’d once had. I can now more easily exercise forgiveness, patience, self-control/discipline which all enhance the joy and love that I experience in my daily existence. Talking to others about God and being able to pull relevant Bible verses from memory always excites me. Keep in mind, however, I exalt the RELATIONSHIP, not the RELIGION. My relationship w God will not be like anyone else’s, and am I not required to submit to Him at anyone else’s discretion but my own, but CHOOSING Him has made my life all the better. SOCIAL, BUT NOT SO SOCIAL I surely do love humans and human interaction, but as I am introverted and very sentimental, my social meter drains fairly quickly. I do not like to spend too much time in meaningless communion, and If I’m going to be spending time w others, I prefer intimate circumstances. I used to leave parties w the utmost satisfaction that I’d gotten so drunk, jumped around and rapped songs w the bros, and danced w plenty of girls without even knowing their names, or sometimes what they even looked like. Now I leave parties and think about the underutilized time I won’t be getting back. They hardly ever serve as a release for me anymore. Therefore, I tend to go on dates (more social rather than romantic) w my friends and exercise a certain closeness, so that they feel more like connections and not just surroundings. I also spend a good amount of time on FaceTime. This all appeases to the fulfillment that I get out of interacting w people. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION AND ACCEPTANCE Once I figured out that I couldn’t change people (no matter how much I wanted them to be different), I stopped trying. I do reserve the right to distance myself from people who refuse growth, however, that does not mean that I do not still love and accept them for who they are. It’s important to express when boundaries have been violated, and just simply express how you feel about people close to you in general. When I care about someone, I’m going to address something they’ve done or something in their character that I feel could be improved upon, and I expect the same to be done w me. This does not mean I am going to discontinue the friendship if they decide not to do anything about it (if it is minor), but to look at someone and constantly have something I want to tell them, but keep from them, does not make sense to me and does not sit well w me. Sometimes speaking up may rock the boat, but that’s necessary if you expect someone to not only want the best for you, but be honest w you. CREATIVITY AND PRODUCTIVITY I have many talents, and using them always makes me happy. Some, like writing music, singing/rapping, and Photoshop, are moreso a way of life than a hobby. I also like to draw, dance, write, and make videos, among other things (blog, anyone?). I often use these mediums to express myself, but I just as often use them in good fun. Either way, doing each and every one of them give me a sense of freedom and accomplishment. Outside of creating, I find that getting things done like doing laundry, going to the gym and cleaning my room or car, or just checking things off of my to-do list can be extremely refreshing. HEALTHY ESCAPE/ENTERTAINMENT I used to drink and smoke incessantly in order to calm my nerves and become unconcerned w certain things. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good while in an altered state, but chronically using substances as a way of escape simply no longer serves my life well. I love to read, listen to music or podcasts, watch TV and go to the movies to mentally immerse myself into other worlds temporarily. I can often take some of the things I ingest and use them to benefit my personal life in some way shape or form. SLEEP This is the most simple of them all. I love sleeping, and being well-rested makes handling the things life throws at me so much more tolerable. I am one of those people who needs naps on most days.

LOVE Love is (or should be) extremely important in any person’s existence. Not just romantic love, but love from family, friends, mentors, and people who frequent our lives. Since you can’t control how or how much other people will love you, this is specifically geared about giving love. I often get a great sense of fulfillment from spreading love and doing things for others, or simply just taking time to catch up w them and their lives. A little love goes a long way.

IT’S NOTHING PERSONAL People are going to do and say things to you that simply do not sit well. I used to be easily frustrated and angered when I felt like I was enduring behavior I didn’t think I deserved (granted, sometimes I did, and failed to see my own wrongdoing), but over time I realized that most of the things the things others do should not be taken personally, unless it truly is personal. At the end of the day, I’m always going to be a secondary character in practically everyone else’s story, so instead of becoming upset, angry, anxious, or trying to shame someone for putting their own desires before my own, I just have to understand that in their life, they come before I do. Even if someone blatantly disrespects me, though I have given them no reason to, I don’t try to force someone to respect me. I usually just let them do them because the way they conduct themselves will always be more a reflection of them than of me. I’ve saved so much distress by simply letting people put themselves first. SELF-AWARENESS Last but not least, knowing thyself. In today’s world it can be extremely easy to get caught up in a million things that have nothing to do w you, because we’re in an era of constant data consumption (and a lot of it is useless data). People can also be so caught up playing roles (like significant other, spouse, student, employee, parent, etc.) that any-and-everyone else’s state of being comes before their own. I’ve devoted a lot of time to trying to understand who I am, who I want to be, what I’m good at/not good at, and I constantly spend time w my thoughts so that I may become the best version of myself and not someone else’s version. There is profound peace in knowing who you are and what you are worth. In conclusion, inner peace is no easy feat. Life has an infinite number of moving parts, so counteracting the anxiousness and existential angst that is bound to rear its head is an extensive and ongoing journey. There will never be a day where every single moment of it is favorable, but always keep in mind that life goes on (until it doesn’t), and I’d much rather spend it peacefully than in constant turbulence.

[authorklbelvin]

When you can see the Joy and Pain in a singer and it becomes a mirror to your soul.

This post was hard to do but I wanted to share who I was what my book "From Gigolo to Jesus" uncovers about who I was. 

For once in my life- sung by Paul Williams 

formally of 

The Temptations

There aren't many songs where you can watch a singer sing and feel the joy and pain as they make their way through the song, knowing they are singing to someone and through their personal demons. Paul Williams was a victim of his own drinking. His last performance here allows you to see the devil he was dealing with. He has placed his hands on his wife, he was struggling to remain a Temptation, the group he helped form. I was so moved to see this performance. Paul's type of talent and passion is missed. This would be his last performance.

In watching the video, it reminded me of how I felt with creating my book "From Gigolo To Jesus." When I worked on the manuscript, it morphed into something else. I started recording my words because at the time I didn't like to type so putting on some headphones allows me to get my thoughts out quicker than sitting at a computer. The book started to take on a different feel. With each chapter I was re-living so much of the dirt which was my life, I was growing depressed. I even stopped recording at a time or two to decompress. This actually causes a delay in the production back in 2010.  I was trying to be transparent about who I was so people could see the beauty in who I grew into as I evolved from whore to man of God. I am attempted to offer hope to readers who didn't feel there was any out from being who they were. It was desperate to do. Standing under the weight of your past is difficult at best, but you have to be transparent for the people you want to read and support your work. The whole process brings you back to the surface of pain you haven't felt in a long time. But looking back from changed eyes you feel the pain more intensely.  This is why this video touched me. When I was at my worse in how I was living I was torn between what was right and what I wanted. I was addicted to wanting sex from different women, not just for sex itself but the idea of misogyny. I was torn between misogyny and monogamy.  Here I had a beautiful woman at home and I out chasing anything in a skirt. I was laying with women I had no business being next too. Then I would come home and be scared to lay next to my lady. To even think about touching her the same night after whoring with some other woman eats at your soul.  The duality stabbed at my soul, I didn't sleep. I spent hour after hour staring at a computer screen which didn't help free me from the guilt. The computer only assisted in mainlined the drug attention  from women right back into my system. The minute I thought I had quieted the voices here comes another email, text message, instant message. Before I could finish, reading began laying back enjoying the high which came from internet pimping with the next sexual victim.  This song speaks to my feelings because when you look at Paul Williams face, you see his pain but you can hear his talent. I can see him begging the Lord to allow him to have use of the expertise he was given just one more night. Paul was going to sing this song with all he had to get out what he felt while his soul was clear. He had quieted the pain if only for this moment. You can tell by the way he starts off and builds as he pushes past the pain and his talent takes over. Anyone who is fighting with any internal demons needs that type of release or you feel your going to die. In this case, Paul would later commit suicide.  Like Paul Williams's demons, I had my own. His was the bottle and mine was women. When I read about Paul's life and like many of us who watched the Temptations movie, was touched by how Paul fell from grace, only to take his own life. I so understand why suicide seems like the way out because I didn't care if I died or not when I was at my worse. A few times even thought of really doing it but like the coward, I was back then, I folded up and got scared to die.  Men were designed to be a hunter, so there is a level of toughness which comes with the masculine genes however, when addiction, ambition, greed, and denial take their place in your life it serves to carve away that hunters edge so we look for coping agents. Paul's pain in his singing is an inside look at what his coping agent had done to him. Look at his eyes and see the sweat as he fights through the pain to hold on the fading of his talent and his soul.  There is one thing I want you to look for and listen too with this video. Please pay close attention towards the end of the video as the pain is evident as he sings as if he is signing directly to his wife and God begging each for their forgiveness. Damn, do I know what that feels like in every form? From time frame 2:44 on to the end, his face shows it when he says "Lord knows I need her!!".  Too often men will indirectly put out to the world who they need to save their lives or what they need to protect their souls. Sometimes the request is honored by the Lord, and sometimes Death has been given your ticket, and no begging in the world will change your faith.  If nothing is done many slips into the abyss of despair, do what they can to end their pain.  I was on the brink and thank God for allowing me to hear his voice and leading me back to Tiffany to save my life. If not, I would have been as dead as Brother Paul, having taken my own life from the way I was living. Videos of others tell us more about ourselves then we realizes and this video speaks on why I needed to write "From Gigolo To Jesus." My book is my snapshot of the world, and I hope it saves someone's life or at least holds a mirror up the way Paul Williams's video did for me. "From Gigolo To Jesus" http://ift.tt/1S9J2cl

To contact Keith K. L. Belvin,

directly or for Interviews, Panel Discussions or Speaking Engagements

call our Office voicemail / Prayer request: (347) 921-0443 or via

Email: Mainoffice@BravinPublishing.com

Keith's Publishing company,

Bravin Publishing LLC's website is

http://ift.tt/1S9J2cl

where you can purchase his books or secure the literary services his company provides.

On Social Media

Facebook - Keith K. L. Belvin

IG - @Keith K. L. Belvin,

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from Blogger http://ift.tt/2DErR28 via Naik

[kingdomimpacttv]

The Wonders Of God's Glory -- Part 2

The Wonders Of God's Glory -- Part 2

Do you know what the Glory of God is? On today’s Broadcast, Dr. Andrew Nkoyoyo reveals to us that the Glory of God is the ‘goodness of God’, ‘the Name of the Lord’ and ‘the character, nature and attributes of God’.   Watch more episodes and get involved at Kingdomimpactministry.org.

Video Transcription

- [Announcer] The following program is made possible by the faithful support of our viewers and sponsors. - [Dr. Andrew] Forgiving iniquity and transgressions and sin, this is God, this is the glory of God. The glory of God is the character of God, is the nature of God, is the attributes of God.

You know, sometimes when the enemy comes to you and you're trying to figure out really what you believe, go and look at the nature of God, you'll find that God is good. Why? Because He's part of the...His nature is part of His character but it's His glory to reveal Himself to us that He is good. ♪ [music] ♪ Thank you for joining me, friends, here. We're going to continue.

On this segment, I want to talk to you about what the glory of God is. When you think of the glory, what comes to mind? Smoke, cloud, brilliant light, pillar of fire? And that is good and we're going to get to that. But that glory of God really is not all that we have come to understand to be. The glory of God is simply, I'm going to use a scripture that's going to show us from Moses' experience in Exodus chapter 33, 18 through 20. Moses says to God,

"Please show me your glory."

Okay? So what happens next? God says,

"I'll make all my goodness to pass before you and I'll proclaim before you my name, the Lord, Yahweh, and I'll be gracious to whom I'll be gracious and I'll show mercy to whom I'll show mercy."

First, the glory of God is not smoke, it's not all the other things, even in the movies we have seen. The glory of God is the goodness of God. That's right. Moses says,

"I want you to reveal, show, demonstrate, manifest your glory to me."

Okay? Remember, God is asking him to go do this mission and God is saying,

"I'm going to be with you, my presence is going to be with you,"

but Moses says,

"Okay, if your presence is going to go with us and we're going to be distinct from all the other folks on the face of the earth, one more thing, please, show me your glory if we have found favor." And God says, "Okay, I'm going to come down and I'm going to show you my glory."

And God calls His goodness. Oh dear beloved, do we want to see the goodness of God in the land of the living? The goodness of God is a manifestation of His glory, so when you're looking and asking God for His glory, actually, you're asking God for His goodness because the glory of God is the goodness of God, and the truth is that God is good. It's the glory of God to reveal His goodness to His children. Amen? Because that's who He is. You want to see the glory? You are going to see the goodness of God. That is great news. It doesn't matter where you are or what you're going through right now. If you're seeking God like Moses is, he said,

"God, I can't do it, it looks impossible in the natural, but if you truly are going to go with us, show me your glory, give me a glimpse."

And God said,

"Okay, I'm going to cause my goodness and it's going to come and pass before you."

And then the second thing, the glory of God is, He says,

"I'm going to proclaim my name, the glory of God is the name of the Lord."

Put this in your spirit, the name Yahweh, the name that is connected to his covenant with us, that is connected to relationship. Every time in the scripture, you run across a verse and it uses the word Lord, it is talking about the covenant-keeping God, the covenant maker and the covenant-keeping God, Yahweh. And He says,

"I'm going to come and I'm going to reveal portions of my covenant, portions of my personality, of myself as the God who makes this covenant with you."

And we're going to study part of that covenant and what is in that covenant as He's your Lord. You see, He's not only saving you, but He's your Lord, your Master, but not as the Master just to lord over you, to choke you with a yolk over your neck, but this covenant, this Lord, is rooted in love, okay? Is rooted in mercy, that's why in the next verse, He says,

"I will show mercy to whom I will show mercy and I'll be compassionate, I'll be gracious."

Why? Because it's part of His glory. You see, it's part of His name, it's part of His nature, amen? So, the glory of God is the name of the Lord. You know, the bible tells us that the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and they're saved, the name of the Lord, the name of Yahweh, okay? Why? Because the Lord is going to manifest Himself to you and I as our protection, our shield and buckler, okay? In the glory, He becomes that to us, that's great news because He wants us to be filled with His glory, to be clothed with His glory and He wants to manifest His glory through us before the nations so that all other people around you, they'll see the distinction that the glory of God has done in your life. Amen? Moses tells us that that's what makes us distinct from others. Amen?

So, the glory of God is the goodness of God. The glory of God is the name of the Lord, Yahweh, which we'll do in another series when we study on the name of the Lord because it's so huge and He's so powerful that we understand the reason why God has done everything is for His glory and for His name's sake. That's why right now even your salvation is for His glory and for His name's sake. You see? And His name also is love. You see? It's all intertwined in who He is, in His name and in His nature, okay? The glory of God is the name, the character or the attributes of God. Amen? According to Exodus 34 verse 6 through 7, this is what He said to Moses. When God...you know, still this is the conversation that's going on with Moses and God. Moses wants to see the glory of God and the bible say it,

"And God descended."

Remember, it wasn't a mist, it wasn't smoke, it wasn't...it says,

"God descended and he began to proclaim the Lord, the Lord God."

Amen? He becomes Yahweh God, the covenant-making God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. That is the glory of God. God is preaching His glory to Moses and He says,

"Oh, you want to see my glory? Okay, I am merciful, I am slow to anger, I am gracious, I'm abounding in love and kindness and faithfulness and truth."

This is the glory of God,

"Keeping steadfast love for thousands."

Amen?

"Forgiving iniquity and transgressions and sin, this is God, this is the glory of God."

The glory of God is the character of God, is the nature of God, is the attributes of God. You know, sometimes when the enemy comes to you and you're trying to figure out really what you believe, go and look at the nature of God. You'll find that God is good. Why? Because it's part of Him, His nature, is part of His character, but it's His glory to reveal Himself to us that He is good, he's merciful. The grace of God is part of His nature, it's part of His glory, the mercy of God. Many of us here, we don't deserve His mercy, we don't deserve anything from God, but because it's in His nature to redeem and to save and to seek and search for the lost, He's going to stop at nothing until He has you because that's His nature. Amen? So when you were looking at God as a God who is far away, that's not truth. He's not sitting out there in the space, in the clouds, God is with you, He's in you.

If you have experienced His mercy, His glory is in you, and if you haven't, then He wants to bring you into the true experience of the glory of God and it's my desire that you come to know Him, you come to know His nature, because as you tap into the full knowledge of His nature, His character and attributes, you are going to know the freedom that comes with knowing and being filled with the glory of God. I want to invite you to surrender yourself to the Holy Spirit, to teach you all there is about the glory of God. I want to invite you to yield to the Holy Spirit everything that God wants to release in this series regarding the glory. Father God, I pray for the spirit of wisdom and revelation and the knowledge of your glory for my friends, in Jesus' name, amen. You see, when Moses encountered the glory, God had to hide His face because he couldn't handle it. Today, we can encounter the full knowledge of that glory of God the father, son and the Holy Spirit with no veil because it's in the face of Jesus, Hallelujah!

Hello friend, are you being impacted, touched and transformed by this broadcast? You see, God has called us to be His voice, bringing people back to Him and preparing them for His return, and I know God is preparing you to be a life-changer in your sphere of influence. And so, I want to invite you today to join us as a Kingdom Impact partner, so that together, we can impact the kingdoms of this world for our Lord Jesus Christ to rule and reign until He comes.

Please, listen to our announcer on how to partner with us today. God bless you. - Have you ever wanted to move in the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit like the church in the book of Acts? Dr. Andrew Nkoyoyo tells you how you can in his latest book entitled, "Working the Works of God. "As our gift to you for partnering with Kingdom Impact Ministry today, we'd like to send you a free copy of Dr. Andrew Nkoyoyo's latest book, "Working the Works of God. To learn how to become a Kingdom Impact partner or to sow a financial seed, call us toll-free 1-855-418-VOICE. That's 1-855-418-6423 or log on to www.kingdomimpactministry.org.

Watch Andrew on the Kingdom Come broadcast 24/7 online at kingdomimpactministry.org and on our Kingdom Impact network channels available on Roku, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Chromecast, and iTunes. To receive prayer, order resources or to become a partner with Kingdom Impact Ministry, call us toll-free, 1-855-41-VOICE, that's 1-855-418-6423 or visit us online at kingdomimpactministry.org. You can also write us at Kingdom Impact Ministry, P.O. Box 2073, Montrose, CO 81402.