#look up mad hatter laugh that is my stupid ass laugh

[homiecipher]

me and mr crawling would get along great we both got weird laughs

[moonxbat98]

Before The Dawn

Gregory/OC

Three months before the Thompson family move to Scotland sixteen year old Alice Ellington is the new kid in town and no one has ever seen her out with her parents, or knows where she lives; except for Gregory. He knows her parents are dead and she’s a street kid, living like a squatter in an old house on a hill. What he doesn’t know is that she isn’t as fragile as she looks, or that she’s not human. But that’s a secret Alice intends on keeping for as long as she can.

A/N: Will contain graphic depictions of blood, gore, violence, and death. Will notify readers of any changes within the ratings of nudity, sexual themes, and strong coarse language.

F Is For Friend or Foe

Song for the chapter: Never Know by Bad Omens

—

Alice’s POV

A sharp, brief gale of wind blew dark–colorful curls into her glowering face, followed by a spray of dirt kicked up by the tires of the Kawasaki motorcycle careening to a stop in front of her. The driver’s headlamp blinded her momentarily before the light and engine cut off completely.

It was the man who spoke first in a rough voice, a toothy smile stretching across his rugged shadowed–face, “Hello there darlin’. Haven’t seen you in so long and you gonna greet me like this? Holding that pathetic thing in my face?”

She held the sawed–off steady in one hand, it’s barrel aimed between the eyes of the haughty newcomer. A muscle in her jaw twitched. “The bullets may not be real asshole, but they’ll still hurt like a son of a bitch. How did you find me anyway?”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk! You should know better by now, love. I can find you anywhere on this earth, remember? There’s nowhere in this realm or the next I won’t be able to track you down.”

He rose from his bike, towering over Alice by a foot and a half. His shaggy, shoulder–length wet hair fell over his face in clumps as he bent over to gleam at her – completely and utterly ignoring the shotgun barrel staring him down.

“You must be looking to get your ass whooped, huh Azriel? I told you last time before we went our separate ways that if you came after me I was going to find a way to end your sorry ass.”

“Aw, is that how you really feel? I’m hurt. Honestly. I helped create you and you don’t want anything to do with me?”

Alice snorted, “Hell no. Not behind the pearly gates of Heaven, even if you was allowed back in there, or the deepest depths of the underworld.” She shifted her stance, putting her feet shoulder–length apart, and Azriel laughed.

His eyebrows shot up, hopping quickly from the space he was standing in front of her to her left. “If you were going to shoot me, dear, you would’ve done so already.” A hop to her right, grinning like a mad hatter. “So why don’t you go ahead and get it out of your mouth? Ask me the question that’s on your mind right now.”

The barrel followed his movements with ease, her finger moving to lay over the trigger. “What question would that be? How much of a pain in my ass you’ve become? I ran from the States for a reason, you shithead. It’s been rather peaceful here without you and don’t you think for one second I’ve forgotten about what happened in California.”

Azriel scoffed and rolled his eyes, shoulders sagging as he retorted, “I didn’t think you would. But the question I was hoping for was ‘why have you been here in Scotland for two weeks and haven’t popped in to see me until now?’ You know, a guy just can’t catch a break with you.”

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “You’ve been here for two weeks?”

“Uh, duh! You seem so surprised. Did you not sense I was around? You know, that’s very sloppy of you and I’m disappointed to say I did not expect you to be slipping up.”

Alice snarled in annoyance, flipping the shotgun around in her hand so that she was holding the barrel and wielding it as if it were a baseball bat. “I sensed something was wrong, but I was holding out on the hope I wouldn’t have to look at your stupid face again.”

The man chuckled, leaning in close and puckering his lips playfully, “You weren’t complaining about my stupid face when we were together so many years ago. In fact, I quite remember you used to enjoy my stupid face when it was between your legs.”

She released an enraged scream, swinging the sawed–off at Azriel, but missed as he blurred to his motorcycle. His movements were fast enough that human eyes would’ve only seen a quick glimpse of shiny leather and black. Azriel sat on the bike again, chortling with glee as she flipped forward into a roll to stop from making a complete fool of herself.

The shotgun was twice her size, just as heavy as it looked, and the awkwardness threatened to drag her to the ground as she missed her intended target. But she had caught herself and was left on her knees, clutching the sawed–off to her chest as she stared daggers up at Azriel.

“What the hell else do you want from me?”

“Oh, honey, I didn’t come to Scotland for you. I came to visit an old friend of mine, actually. You just happened to be in the neighborhood too and I finally decided to see what you was up to. Still playing human, I see.”

Alice huffed and rose to her feet just as languidly as she had been leaning against the store counter, with the elegance and grace of a queen. “I didn’t even know you had friends.”

“Says the woman who has no friends. But anyhoo, as much fun as this little reunion has been, I gotta run.”

She spun on her heel to stomp off, grunting. “As long as you don’t hang around me we’re cool.”

“Don’t walk away too fast, love, I got a great view from the back I don’t wanna miss.” Azriel waved after her as he turn the key in his motorcycle, smiling like the cat that got the canary. “I’ll be seeing you around!”

Alice burst through the door of the smoke shop and slammed it shut behind her with an irritated growl, leaning quickly against it’s cool glass as the sound of the bike engine sat there for a minute with a steady thrum.

She didn’t want to look back over her shoulder though she could see the angry glare of the motorcycle’s headlamp through the dimly lit store. Instead she focused on a nearby lava lamp, watching the purple ooze inside as it drifted up and down it’s glittery bottle.

Then, just as fast as he’d shown up, the Kawasaki sped off and took it’s looming beam of light with it.

Gregory’s POV

What.

Just.

Happened.

Gregory slunk low through the aisles in the oddly decorated shop, watching the youthful–looking woman as she raised her foot and slammed her boot against the glass door.

His floor–length trench coat grazed along the checkered tile as he crept closer, hidden behind statues of various deities and dream catchers. There were lava lamps of all colors spread throughout the little store, neon signs and posters colliding with each other on the walls.

Being in much closer proximity to her the girl appeared to be close to his age rather than the twenty–something he had assumed, although that man who was harassing her had acted as if she were much older than even that. The way he spoke to her was rather vulgar though, like they had once been something to each other.

It seemed as if they had years of history between them.

Gregory inhaled slowly as he came to a stop at the end of the shelves, crouching down to his knees. He smelled rosemary and peony.

“Hey! Who’s there?”

He startled, eyes widening as he jumped back a few feet. There was no way she heard him, as feather light as his footsteps had been and as careful as he was not to knock over anything.

And of course, his lack of heartbeat.

Then the young female appeared in front of him, brandishing the sawed–off in her hands aimed right for his face, and if looks could kill Gregory would’ve died on the spot. His hands automatically flew to protect his chest, shouting, “Put that thing down! Whatever it is I don’t want to be licking any wounds later.”

He doubted the weapon would kill him, it didn’t appear as if it held stakes, but Gregory didn’t want to find out.

“How the hell did you get in here?”

“The door was open, miss. This shop is open right?”

“Oh… right.” Alice lowered the weapon to her side slowly, while sizing him up, and offered her hand; raising a curious eyebrow. “Did you drop something on the floor or do you want some help up?”

He gaped at her for a moment, then collected himself and scoffed, “No I did not drop anything and I most certainly do not need your help.” With one swift, languid move Gregory was on his feet again standing over her by a good three feet.

She didn’t even flinch, her expression changing from curious to annoyed. “Look, dude, either pick something and pay for it or get the hell out.” Alice spun on her heel and began stomping towards the glass box, still talking as she walked away from him.

“At this particular moment I am not in a good mood, I’m wielding a shotgun, and I am seriously tired of dealing with male ego.”

Gregory sped past her, moving fast although not as fast as Azriel had been, and was blocking her path as her hand reached out for the knob of the door that lead into the protective room with the glass windows. He bared his fangs, snarling, “I’m not a customer. I have no money to give you nor would I want anything out of this business!”

She skid to a halt in her tracks before she could collide with the strange boy, but still was unfazed. Alice threw the shotgun aside as Gregory’s hands clamped onto her upper arms and with both hands she grabbed a hold on the edges of his trench coat, lifted him off the floor with ease and made to toss him aside.

He let out a startled gasp, but dug his fingernails into her skin and as she swung him he pulled him down with her. Both of them rolled across the floor until they hit a shelf, halfway across the room. Hookahs and bongs rattled, a few grinders hit the ground, but the shelf wobbled until it became still.

Alice on top, glaring daggers as her hair hung around her face. Her legs trapped his legs together and his face, he was sure, would be red had he fed earlier tonight. Gregory, on bottom, heaved an irritated breath and snarled again. His hands moved from her upper arms to wrap around her throat, “What are you woman?!”

She drew back one of her hands from his coat, fingers already curled into a fist, “None of your business!” Her knuckles made contact with his nose and in anger, he bucked his hips rolling the two of them around so he was on top.

He felt the bone in his nose had broken, but no blood poured out, and Alice gaped in surprise. Only a little drop of thick, blue–black liquid leaked from his nostrils. “I have not the energy to fight with you, lady, so can we please call a truce? We are obviously evenly matched..”

“Get your hands away from my throat and you got yourself a truce, bloodsucker.”

Gregory scowled down at Alice, reluctantly pulling away and getting back to his feet. “How do you know what I am?” His head tilted as she bent her knees, bucked her hips, and flipped onto her feet like a ninja. “You aren’t human.”

“What gave it away? The fact I picked your ass up like you weighed no more than a newborn baby? Or the fact I sensed you before you knew I was even aware of you lurking between the shelves?”

He grinned slowly, toothily, and let out a laugh. “And here I had thought my hunting skills were starting to get rusty. You felt I was here before I saw you?”

“Yeah. And I also smelled death.”

[honeybeewhereartthee]

PINK KKOMAS KOHAKU OUKAWA 45

Spoiler for my stories

As the others prepared for the so called wedding, Mad unlucky rabbit, mad hatter, Reaper, doll and Mikejima have nothing else to do as others is doing their work for them.

Mad unlucky rabbit stared at the mad hatter with worries in his eyes but when mad hatter look at his direction he quickly look away.

Reaper: (・_・;) you guys know each other?

Mad unlucky rabbit: no. →_→

Mad hatter: yes. (ㆁωㆁ)

Doll: so one denies and the other acknowledge. (￢ ￢)

Mad unlucky rabbit to mad hatter: I wish I don't know the likes of you and your fuck up world.

Mad hatter: then you shouldn't trespass the world that isn't yours then. (*꒪ヮ꒪*) then you don't have to see such mind blowing sight.

Mad unlucky rabbit: that's so unpunny of you. (•ˇ_ˇ•) you and that stupid bug are fucking the same shades of fuck up.

Doll:??? Pun?(?・・)

Reaper: which one was a pun there...

Mikejima: the mind blowing part. (ㆁωㆁ)

Doll:...

Reaper:...

Mad unlucky rabbit: did your cat finally free from your gasp? I hope so. Staying with the likes of you in that world sucks ass. (o^▽^o)

Mad hatter suddenly become eeriely silent before he laughs.

Mad hatter: AHAHA~ your quite a funny one. Even how much you act tough, your nothing but the scared little bunny who screams in fear when you been in my world.

How amusing the ace of Heart screaming in such usual sight of white cards being colored in the color of crimson. When he himself does such act in daily basis.

Mad unlucky rabbit: (`ー´)

Doll:... (￢ ￢) why do I felt that they are chatting about something gore.

Reaper: it's probably cause it's the topic at the moment. (^～^;)ゞ

Reaper; btw! I was on your garden earlier! I saw someone peaking out from your window. From somewhere upstairs. (◍•ᴗ•◍) I think it's your cat.

Mad hatter:...

He stared at reaper before he called someone

Mad hatter: grey.

The said spider appear beside him and he whisper something to his ears, causing the other to eyes widen before he sigh and nodded his head before he leaves.

Mad unlucky rabbit: (￢ ￢)stupid reaper get the cat punish.

Reaper: ehhh. (• ▽ •;) But Im just curious... Sorry hatter, do you not like people looking at your cat?

Mad hatter: oh (ㆁωㆁ) you don't have to worry reaper. I'm just cautious what if my cat break free from the chains I lock em from and jump from the window~? (︶︹︺)

Doll: cats won't die from that high. (￢ ￢)

Mad hatter: ah, no the height isn't the problem. When they are out of my mansion, I don't know what will become of them. ╮(︶︿︶)╭

Doll: that sound so sus. What did you do to your cat??? (`ー´)

Mad hatter: I can sample it for you (ʘᴗʘ✿)

Mad hatter raise a knife and was about to stab Doll but was stopped by Mikejima.

Mikejima: this isn't your world. So don't be careless.

Mad hatter: boomer(ㆁωㆁ).

Doll: ԅ( ͒ ۝ ͒ )ᕤ WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANNA KILL ME OR WHAT?

Mad hatter: no. I'm not that blood thirsty for war crime.

Mad unlucky rabbit: (︶︹︺) stupid puns.

.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Another having a crush on another villain henchperson because I love this trope.

Top 5

He walks into an abandoned building for some reason and he hears.

"Oh, hey Mr *His name* "

When he looks up he sees Crush dangling from the rope wrapped around the legs looking casual. 

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

"Boss wanted something from here so he sent me to track traps. Found one. I've been like that for 2 hours so I kinda gave up. How was your day?"

I am SCREAM LAUGHING.

The Riddler: "Oh, hey Mr Riddler!" He just about had a heart attack, eyed darting to the source of the greeting...only to find you dangling from ropes off the ceiling. You gave him a small wave. "(Y/N)? What are you doing up there!?" The Riddler moved to your side of the room, staring up at you. "Well, Mr Two-Face wanted me to clean up the traps meant for the Batman that the others set up but they told me there was five...there was six and now I'm here!" "How long have you been up there?" The Riddler asked. "What time is it?" You asked. "Nine thirty." He replied. "About two hours then. Anyway, how has your day been?" "Clearly the blood has been rushing to your brain for far too long. Hang on, let me get you down from there." The Riddler mused. "Okay just be careful with the stuff down there, Mr Riddler, those are the other traps I dropped when this happened." You warned and he nodded. He's tempted to offer you a job just so he can keep an eye on you.

Scarecrow: He was talking to Ragdoll when he suddenly heard a voice. "Hi, Dr Crane!" He paused, looking at Ragdoll momentarily before looking for the source. It was Ragdoll who laid eyes on you first. "Oh, hi!" Jonathan could hear Ragdoll's grin behind his mask. You smiled at him, dangling by rope from the ceiling. "What...happened?" Jonathan blinked a few times in disbelief. "Well I was to collect the rest of the traps for Mr Riddler but the other guys forgot to mention this one...now I swing from the chandelier without the chandelier...or maybe I am the chandelier." "I...I don't even know how to get you down from there." Jonathan said softly to himself. "I'm on it!" Ragdoll declared loudly before he began to climb on machinery and anything else to get closer to you. "Get ready!" He called out to you. "Get ready for wh-AHH!" You cut yourself off as Ragdoll leaped onto you. Before you knew it a fully grown man had coiled his limbs around you. "Wow, your ass is very close to my face!" You declared with slight panic. Ragdoll climbed up you like a rope and you yelped. "That's my ass!" "Peter, don't push your luck." Jonathan clenched his jaw. "Relax Johnny-boy! I'm untangling them!" Ragdoll twisted his hand and arm around the rope. "Brace yourself!" You furrowed you brow in confusion. "Brace myself for what?" Suddenly your untangling at a fast rate and dangling by your arm. Ragdoll was now coiled around the rope and holding you up. "Be a dear and grab our little friend, would you Jon?" Jonathan reached out to you almost immediately, helping you down. "So...How's your day going?" You asked. "How long have you been like this?" Jonathan ignored you as he reached out to grab you. "Meh, if I had to guess, about two hours."

Two-Face: "Hi, Mr Two-Face!" Two-Face whirled around to look up and see your dangling. "What the hell, (Y/N)!? What are you doing here and why are you upside down!?" Harvey demanded. "Well I was clearing traps like I was asked to by Mad Hatter...I -hehe- I may have chosen poor footing and now here I am! How are you? Did you have a good day today Mr Two-Face?" "It...it was fine." Harvey replied looking you over. "How am I going to get you down from here?" "I mean if its too much trouble I say just leave me, they'll notice I'm gone eventually." You shrugged. "Don't be stupid, of course we're not leaving you like this!" Harv' replied gruffly. "How long have you been here?" You checked your watch. "Two hours." Two-Face gaped at you for a moment before deciding to say nothing and focus on getting you down. He'll need to have words with Jervis Tetch.

Mad Hatter: "Oh hey, Mr Mad Hatter, sir! How are you!?" Jervis spun on his heel in alarm. To find absolutely no one. That one had sounded very real. "Up here!" Jervis looked up and his face lit up with glee. "Ah hello, little rabbit! What a peculiar predicament you appear to be in!" "Yeah, I was collecting the traps set for the Batman by Mr Scarecrow. I didn't think he'd use a rope trap thing but...here we are! How's your day been?" Jervis slowly nodded. "Rather maddening oh but in the most wonderful way!" He blinked. "Oh! Do you need assistance?" You looked at yourself before back at him. "I wouldn't say no." "Wouldn't you like to join me for tea?" Jervis asked. "Only if its actually tea." You smiled.

Black Mask: "Oh hey, Mr Sionis!" He looked up. "Doll? What you doing up there?" "Mr Penguin asked me to collect the traps we left. I was told five...there was infact six." You explained. "Anyway, how's your day been?" You asked. "Pretty good, doll face, pretty good. Let me help you out." "Aww, thanks Roman...I don't have anything to give you in return though." You replied. "I'll take it up with your boss." He said smugly. "Nice! Thank you!" You grinned. He chuckled lowly as a few henchmen got to work. To your surprise, Roman caught you fairly easily. "Hi again." You blushed. "Stop being cute or I won't be able to give you back to Cobblepot." He warned playfully.

[thebonerpit]

cheerleader [FIC]

cheerleader

Rom Howney, 3896 words, [E], read on Ao3 here

A very seasonally appropriate fic in which Robert throws a Halloween party. Tom hates Halloween but decides to wear a costume he's wanted to try for years.

“I just don’t understand it.”

Tom frowns as he stares at the racks upon racks of zombies, clowns, vampires, and sexy nurses in front of him.

“I mean, to be fair, you don’t understand much of anything, do you mate?”

“Fuck off,” Tom says, whacking Harrison on the arm. “But seriously! Why do Americans go so absolutely mental for this stupid holiday?”

“Again, having trouble with the fact that you, an actor, who plays dress-up FOR A LIVING, doesn’t understand this. It’s not like this is any weirder than a fancy dress party. Plus, you get candy!”

Ok, he does have a point there.

Tom lets out a deep sigh. He wouldn’t even be bothering with all this if it weren’t for Robert. An invitation appeared in his inbox last week for a Halloween party, and when you’re invited to a Halloween party at Robert Downey Jr.’s house, you don’t turn it down. Even if Halloween is incredibly stupid. He shuffles along through the rows of costumes, rolling his eyes at werewolf masks and inflatable dinosaurs.

“This is ridiculous,” he mutters. Harrison groans, his hands already full of the various parts of a Mad Hatter costume.

“Just pick something, who cares?!”

“There’s too many options!”

“Ok, look. Halloween is the chance to dress any way you want to and have no one judge you for it. Just think about that. What have you always wanted to be?”

Tom immediately knows what the answer is, but instead of replying he just huffs and turns down another aisle that’s covered in fairy wings and glitter. He can’t possibly do it. Especially not for this party. For Robert’s party. It would be… inappropriate. He rounds the corner again and is faced with a shockingly huge assortment of superhero costumes. A foam version of Thor’s hammer sits on the shelf to his right, and he smirks as he picks it up and gives it a good twirl.

“In your face, Hemsworth,” he mutters quietly.

There’s a whole row of different Spider-Man costumes which makes him smile, especially when he sees a flimsy synthetic fabric version of the Iron Spider suit. And right next to that – a placement that thrills him even more than the suit alone - are the Iron Man costumes. Plastic faceplates, arc reactor gloves with LED lights, fabric onesies with fake, puffy muscles sewn in… it’s all there. Tom runs a finger along the edge of the faceplate before snatching his hand away like he’s been burned.

It’s all he can think about, even as they leave the store after Harrison buys his costume and Tom walks out empty-handed. He thinks about it on the ride home and through dinner until he finally makes excuses and runs off to hide in his room, laptop in hand, and puts on Iron Man 2. It doesn’t take long to get to the scene he wants. Tony Stark, diving through fireworks, landing on a flashy stage, surrounded by his Ironettes. Tom bites his lip as he stares intently at the bright red booty shorts, the long gloves, the crop tops… maybe, if he altered it just a bit, if he wore the mask… He can already feel his face heating up at the prospect of walking into Robert’s house dressed like that. Would he laugh? Would he be weirded out? Or… would he like it? Tom pushes the laptop off to the side and lets the movie play as he touches himself, coming to the sound of Robert’s voice in his headphones.

* * * * *

Tom is going to throw up. It’s inevitable, at this point. He’s in the back of a car squished between Harry and Harrison and he’s going to throw up. His stomach is in knots and he can’t remember ever being this nervous in his life. He’s used to the fluttering before a big stage performance or audition, but those nerves are more like excitement. This is sheer terror and he is going to THROW UP.

“Can you calm down? Jesus, you’re going to ruin my costume if you don’t stop squirming!” Harrison jabs a sharp elbow into his side and Tom jerks away into Harry who pushes him back.

“I just… I need some air.”

“The windows are all open! Take the mask off!”

That is the absolute last thing he wants to do. He was only able to leave the house in this costume with the mask securely over his face and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to take it off. He must be red as a tomato.

“Look, we’re here!” Harry crows. The car finally comes to a stop and they all pile out. Tom wants to collapse on the soft grass but he’s pulled along by four strong hands.

“Maybe I should… Look, I’ll just wait out here for a bit, ok? I just need—”

“Nope, absolutely not. Look mate, we already told you, he’s going to love it. Maybe not in the way you want him to-“ Tom punches Harry in the arm for that “-BUT, regardless, he’ll love it. You look great. And this is coming from someone who never turns down an opportunity to tell you you’re an ugly twat.”

“That was… almost sweet,” Tom says, and then yelps as they both drag him inside.

The party is in full swing and is absolutely packed with people. Small groups are standing around chatting, all in costume, and a live band is playing in the huge backyard to a crowded dancefloor. Tom recognizes only a few people – it’s hard to miss Scarlett even when she’s dressed like Morticia Addams – but that doesn’t bother him. Normally he loves mingling and meeting new people, and even dressed as he is it’s still exciting. It’s even easier after he quickly downs a few strong drinks, careful to only pull up the mask as far as it needs to go. The urge to vomit has pretty much dissipated and he’s actually beginning to enjoy himself, twirling around the dancefloor like a maniac until he’s slightly sweaty and out of breath.

“Water break!” he yells to Harry and squeezes through the crowd of people to get some air and hydrate. He finds a relatively quiet corner where he can chug half a water bottle in peace and is enjoying the cool air on his skin when someone taps him on the shoulder. He startles and nearly drops the bottle but manages to save it before turning around.

“Nice catch.”

Oh fuck. It’s him. It’s Robert. He hasn’t seen him the whole evening and assumed he was off being a good host so the whole thing almost slipped his mind, but now it’s all rushing back and he has to grip on to the fence post beside him to steady himself.

“Love the costume. Not exactly how I remember the Ironettes looking but I gotta say, this might be an improvement.”

Tom nearly chokes. He decided he couldn’t pull off the real Ironette costume as the distinct lack of breasts made it look a little awkward. So, he improvised. The shiny red and gold booty shorts stayed, of course. They made his ass look incredible. He bought the long red and gold arc reactor gloves and the plastic faceplate from the Halloween store, and instead of heeled boots he found a pair of gold high-tops and knee-high red socks. The shirt was the most difficult part, though. He went through a few variations before settling on something cute and comfortable: a red, cropped tank top. It was a bit loose and thin, so it flowed around his chest nicely and was short enough to show off his abs and his tiny waist. He also managed to find an LED necklace to serve as his arc reactor. It glowed a soft blue through the thin fabric of the shirt. Overall, he’s incredibly proud of what he came up with. Especially for someone who hates Halloween.

And now, with the way Robert is staring at him, he’s VERY happy he was brave enough to wear it.

“Is there someone under that gorgeous mask? Or are you too shy to say hello?”

Tom steels himself, takes a deep breath, and pulls the mask off.

Robert’s face goes through a myriad of emotions almost all at once. Shock, delight, amusement, and what is unmistakably arousal.

“Well. Tom Holland. As I live and breathe.” His voice is lower than before, more intimate, and when he takes a step forward Tom swears he feels the temperature go up by at least two degrees. He also notices that Robert is wearing eyeliner. The black kohl makes his eyes look even more gorgeous, and then there’s the red glitter dusted across his cheeks and around his hairline that is giving him an almost eerie glow.

“What are you supposed to be, then?” Tom asks. Robert smirks and points to the two small horns sticking out from his hair.

“The Devil, of course.”

“Of course,” Tom repeats weakly. It was barely a costume, the deep maroon suit looking more like red carpet attire than anything else, but fuck it looked incredible on him.

“I am the purveyor of sin on this fine evening,” he says, gesturing to the party, “so I thought I’d play the part. But you… you look far more sinful than me.”

Tom squeaks as Robert steps even closer and taps at the arc reactor on his chest.

“Cute,” he murmurs.

“Just… just wanted to show you how much of a fan I am… Mr. Stark.”

Robert’s eyes snap up to Tom’s and he doesn’t think he’s ever been looked at so intensely in his entire life.

“Is that so… Mr. Parker?”

Tom whines, loud enough for Robert to hear it. His hand travels down Tom’s body to squeeze at the bare skin of his waist.

“I think—”

“Robert!!”

They both jerk back as if they’re waking up from a trance. Someone is yelling for Robert and waving him inside, and he acknowledges them with a quick gesture. Turning back to Tom, he licks his lips and leans in to whisper in his ear.

“I think we’ll have to continue this later. Don’t leave without saying goodnight. Alright?”

“Yeah. Yes. O-ok. See you later,” Tom stutters, and when Robert disappears inside he chugs the rest of the water bottle and collapses back against the fence to catch his breath.

* * * * *

All the telltale signs of a party winding down are there. Most people have left, the band has stopped playing leaving only some low background music emanating from the speakers around the house, and the guests that remain are splayed out on various couches and chairs, half their costumes missing and happily drunk. The kitchen is a disaster and Tom feels bad adding more bottles to the mess, but he’s on a mission and can’t stop to tidy. After his run-in with Robert he only saw him briefly a few more times, mostly through a massive crowd, but he didn’t forget his words from earlier.

Don’t leave without saying goodnight.

Harrison and Harry have already gone home. They tried to get him to come with but Tom pretended to be enthralled in a conversation and told them he’d catch up in a bit. Now he’s wandering the massive house, peeking into various rooms as he looks for Robert. He gave up on wearing the mask after they met in the yard so it’s pushed up on his head like some sort of strange visor, his curls a sweaty mess beneath it. The second floor is quiet and empty; no one really came up here during the party anyway so it’s also much cleaner. A set of closed double doors is in front of him, and it’s the only place he hasn’t looked, so…

Tom slowly opens one door and pokes his head inside. Robert is lounging on a massive bed, scrolling on an iPad, glasses perched on his nose. He’s still got the horns on his head, and when he glances up over the rim of his glasses to smirk at Tom, he really does look positively devilish.

“Found you,” Tom says, trying to appear completely casual when his heart feels like it’s about to explode from under his ribcage.

“So you did. Come in. Close the door.”

Robert makes no effort to move so Tom slowly walks over to the bed, suddenly very conscious of how tight his shorts are as Robert unabashedly roams over his body with hungry eyes. He stops at the edge and toes at the plush carpet with one foot.

“Have you been drinking?”

Tom nods.

“How much?”

“Not that much,” Tom replies, understanding what Robert is trying to ask. “But maybe just enough to give me some liquid courage.”

Robert raises an eyebrow but waits patiently for Tom to make the first move, only shifting slightly to drop the iPad and his glasses on the nightstand. Guess it’s now or never.

He kneels on the edge of the bed with one leg first, testing the waters. Robert stays perfectly still. A deep inhale to steady himself and then Tom goes for it, pushing up on the bed and straddling Robert’s lap. He hesitates for only a moment before settling right on the seam of those expensive maroon trousers.

A pleased hum rumbles out of Robert’s chest as he runs two smooth, warm hands up Tom’s spread thighs to his waist.

“My own personal cheerleader, hm? I always knew you looked up to me but I never expected this… Pete.”

He catches Tom’s eye and gives him a brief wink. Tom’s heart speeds up even more as excitement bubbles in his stomach. Playing. Robert is playing with him. He was desperately hoping he wouldn’t drop this, leave it as the brief tease it was back in the yard. Acting with Robert is one of his favourite things in the entire world, and being able to do it like this? God, for the first time he’s actually happy that Tony Stark is dead because he’s never going to be able to act across from him again without thinking of this moment.

Robert nuzzles into his neck and starts leaving wet, sucking kisses all along the line of his throat. Tom shivers at the sensation and then starts to giggle when the tickle of Robert’s beard is too much against his sensitive skin. Robert laughs into his neck and nips playfully.

“You’re so darn cute,” he whispers. Robert has always been free with his compliments, telling Tom he’s handsome or pretty or talented, but somehow it just hits different when his hands are also squeezing Tom’s ass.

“Want to touch you, Mr. Stark,” Tom murmurs into his ear, easily switching his accent to sound even more like Peter. He feels Robert shudder underneath him and can’t help the pleased smirk that crosses his face.

“Yeah?” Robert says, grasping his chin gently so he can look into his eyes. “Do you even know what you’re doing, sweetheart?”

Tom absolutely knows what he’s doing, but Peter…

“I… uh… I was hoping you could teach me. I’m a really quick learner, sir,” he says softly.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Robert mutters, breaking character for a moment. He collects himself quickly though, shifting Tom in his lap just enough so he can undo his trousers and pull himself out. Tom’s mouth literally waters at the sight of Robert’s dick and he uses every ounce of willpower not to just pounce on him immediately.

“Want to feel your mouth, Pete,” Robert says, rubbing a thumb along Tom’s lower lip. “You can go slow. Use your tongue.”

“Yes, Mr. Stark,” Tom replies, trying not to sound too eager. He shuffles down a little and purposely sticks his ass up in the air. The red and gold shimmer on the shorts catches the dim light and he gives his hips a quick wiggle when he sees Robert staring.

“Maybe I should’ve reworked the design on your suit, hm? You like wearing little shorts like this?”

Tom nods and presses his face into the curls at the base of Robert’s dick, inhaling the scent of him. He feels the thick cock jerk against his cheek and angles his head to lick up the whole length of it, swirling his tongue at the tip. The bitter taste of precome blooms in his mouth and he moans, forgetting himself for a moment as he starts to give a much more experienced blowjob than what Peter would be capable of. Robert knocks the mask off Tom’s head so he can tighten his hand in his messy curls.

“Jesus,” Robert groans, “you’re good at this, kid.”

“Mmm, just want to make you feel good, sir,” Tom hums. He manages to remove one of the arc reactor gloves so he can grip Robert’s cock while he uses his mouth everywhere he can reach.

“Well, you’re doing a—fuck, god—a damn fine job.”

Tom thinks he could stay here forever, on his knees, mouth stretched almost painfully around Robert’s cock. He explores up his chest with his other hand, rubbing at one nipple with his thumb which makes Robert jerk underneath him.

“Keep doing that,” Robert spits out as he pushes Tom’s head down even further. He gags a bit but the incredible sensation of being stuffed and used overrides everything else and he takes every inch Robert gives him while tugging and pinching at his apparently very sensitive nipples. He drifts for a bit, so content and fuzzy, and only comes back when Robert pulls him off and throws him down on the bed.

“Pull up that shirt for me, sweetheart. Gonna paint your pretty chest with my come.”

“Oh my god, fuck, yes, please, please, want it,” Tom moans, shoving the fabric out of the way as Robert jerks himself off quickly above him. He can’t decide whether to watch his dick or his face when he finally comes, thick and white all over his chest and the arc reactor necklace. Robert’s slightly red in the face and gasping for breath as he steadies himself with a hand beside Tom’s head. Tom leans to the side to kiss at his knuckles and then dares to run his fingers through the come on the necklace and bring it to his mouth to taste.

“You’re going to give an old man a heart attack,” Robert says. His pupils are all blown out as he watches Tom hollow his cheeks as he sucks. Tom understands the feeling. He’s so hard in his shorts that it’s painful.

“Please,” he whispers, biting his lip, “will you touch me, Mr. Stark?”

“It would be a pleasure, Mr. Parker,” he replies. He palms him over the shorts which makes Tom buck into his hand. “As much as I love these… they have to go.”

The shorts are so tight that they both struggle to pull them down but finally they’re tossed off to a distant corner of the bedroom and Tom hisses as Robert immediately get his mouth on his cock. It feels absolutely heavenly, especially after being trapped in the confines of that uncomfortable fabric for so long. Robert takes his time, licks and sucks everywhere he can, all the way down to that sensitive spot right behind his balls. Tom whimpers as his tongue gets so fucking close to his hole but then pulls away.

“Want to use my fingers… s’that ok?”

“Y-yeah, please, yes!”

Robert grabs some lube from the nightstand and even warms it first before sliding one thick finger over Tom’s hole, pressing just the tip inside. Aside from the thrill of having Robert’s finger inside of him, the most incredible part is that he doesn’t stop sucking him off. The level of coordination is astounding and Tom would have complimented him on it if he was able to speak beyond moans and pleas for more. A second finger quickly joins the first and Tom’s body accepts it without hesitation.

“Good boy,” Robert murmurs in between gentle licks, “look at you, hm? So pretty and pink.”

Robert shifts him down a bit more which makes his legs fall open even wider. He feels so exposed and whines a little, trying to draw his knees close without squeezing Robert too much.

“Aw, don’t be shy sweetheart, you’re gorgeous,” Robert says. “You can put your legs up on me if that helps, ok?”

He hears the rubber of his high-tops squeak against Robert’s skin and somehow the sound is more obscene than anything else. He tries not to thump his heels too hard but fuck, Robert is doing something with his tongue that should be illegal and Tom can’t stop squirming. A low chuckle reverberates against his stomach as Robert pulls off briefly, his fingers still working in slow, gentle pushes.

“Aren’t you sensitive, hm?”

“P-please, Ro—Mr. Stark, please, need to come,” Tom begs, accent slipping slightly as he tries to shove himself down even deeper on Robert’s thick fingers. He’s held in place by the firm grip of Robert’s other hand on his waist and he whines petulantly.

“Anything for my favourite little spider,” Robert coos. He crooks his fingers and Tom arches up off the bed like he’s been shocked. He feels like he’s been on the edge since they first met in the yard and now Robert’s fingers are pressing right on his prostate and his hot mouth is back on his dick and he doesn’t think he could possibly hold off any longer if he tried.

“Gonna… gonna…” Tom’s whole body is taut, like a wire ready to snap, and when Robert takes him all the way down his throat he comes with a ragged gasp. Distantly he thinks he should be considerate and pull out but it’s like his body isn’t under his control anymore, and even though he hears wet choking noises it seems like Robert is just fine with him coming in his mouth. His fingers have stopped moving and he lets Tom clench around them for a few moments before gently sliding them out. Tom whines at the loss even though he’s so oversensitive right now he couldn’t possibly take anymore.

After taking a minute to catch his breath and regain any semblance of normal brain function, he finally looks down. Robert’s eyeliner is smudged and Tom feels a bizarre sense of pride about it. He can’t stop running his fingers through his salt and pepper hair which is also a complete mess.

“Just FYI,” Robert finally says, his voice a little raspy, “you’re going to be finding red glitter in every nook and cranny for about three years after this.” He punctuates that sentence by rubbing his cheek against Tom’s thigh, grinning as he does it.

“You’re a dick,” Tom says fondly, giggling even more as Robert continues to just rub his face all over his body. “But can’t say I’m gonna care that much if I’m being reminded about this.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Robert says, that absolutely devilish grin returning, “I can give you more than just glitter for that.” Tom squeals as he starts sucking a deep bruise into the inside of one thigh, teeth marks and all, that Tom presses on every time he sees it for the next week.

[to00ch]

I love what you write! If not, can I please ask HC for Heartslabyul, Leona and Malleus with a "madly" eccentric and cheerful reader like the Mad Hatter who can become more frightening and violent when someone hurts or speaks ill of the reader's loved ones? (on the same level as Floyd when he is in a bad mood lmao).

I feel like most of them turned out rather platonic aaaa I am not sure if I correctly potrayed ‘reader’ as a madly eccentric character, I just wrote them based on my interpretation on how I viewed the mad hatter hahaha

I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless <3

Tags: hinted romance, platonic love, mad hatter!reader

Characters: Heartsabyul babies, Leona Kingscholar & Malleus Draconia

Riddle Rosehearts

he’d be having plenty headaches from you

sometimes he’d use his magic on you cause he’s so tired of you breaking the rules, but that’s only if your actions are too much for him to handle

you have a lot of fun teasing him honestly, cause he’s super cute when he’s mad!! whenever he’d use his unique magic on you, you would bug him more, so in the end he’d undo his magic and let you go

“Riddle~ please let me go hehe, I’ll behave? I think?” you’d repeat a number of times

You’re really protective of him, since you’re very fond of him. When you hear someone trash talking him, you won’t hesitate to throw them in a bin

“Oh my god, (y/n) how many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?” he’d scold you as he rubs his temples “But Riddle, they were speaking ill of you! How dare they! Talking trash about my favourite person, so I decided that it’ll be good if I dumped them in an actual trash can!” you huffed. 

Moments like this though, made him soften up a little for you, he didn’t show it though, cause if you knew that that made him happy, you would actually be more encouraged to do those things again. “Seriously, what am I to do with you,” he’d sigh and shake his head

Trey Clover

Trey is very good at handling you, it’s like handling a child

He really didn’t mind it, it amused him

Sometimes he’d get overwhelmed from it though, so he’d gently tell you to calm down a little

He always made you your favourite dessert, served with his special tea blend! He loved making you happy! But you felt like he always made you happy regardless

Trey always called you a good girl/boy if you calmed a little, and give you head pats

He gets really worried if you started acting brashly when you’re angry, so what he’d do is give you a butterfly hug (a method used to calm a person down) and made sure you breathed properly

“Sorry Trey, but they were bad mouthing you, I couldn’t let it go! I wish you didn’t do that to me so I can teach them a lesson,” you pouted. That made him chuckle a bit. “You see, (y/n), being violent could lead to something worse, and I don’t want anything bad happening to you,” he said gently as he rubbed your arm “You should really count to three before you act okay?” 

Cater Diamond

Dear lord, sometimes it could get tiring with you around so sometimes he would leave it to his clones

He’d try his best to avoid you, cause you knew which is the real Cater. How exactly? Well, you just knew

Oh but when you dress up eccentrically he’d take a picture and upload it on Magicam! And somehow it got pretty trendy, he knew what he was doing

Sometimes though he actually enjoyed hanging out with you, cause you were super eccentric, so he never got bored regarding the topics you talked about

During tea parties, he would sit with you! And you guys would gossip a lot, sometimes it got rlly funny and you couldn’t contain your laughter, so you laughed really loud and he’d close your mouth when people looked at the both of you

Cater didn’t mind people talking bad about him, well, atleast, he pretended to not care; which made you pissed when people were just being as*holes to him, purposely or not, and you just gave them a punch in the guts without any regrets. 

“Um, I guess I should say thank you? Oh but we totally gotta take a pic together, I won’t upload it though, its just a small memento,” and the both of you would casually take a selfie with the guys who messed around earlier on the ground, looking very much in pain

Ace Trappola

Phew, you guys would bicker everyday it gets worse when Grim is involved

Oh I think you guys would be the biggest headache combined, if you both weren’t fighting, you guys would sometimes gang up on teasing others

When you made stupid remarks he’d say “bro,,,,what IS going on in your head. I think about that every day,” you would look at him and giggle before pinching his nose “The fact that you’re thinking about me makes me kinda flattered,” and he’d pretend like he’s gagging

He won’t ever admit it but he really enjoys your company, if you weren’t there he’d ask your whereabouts

When he’s down, you’d always brighten up his moods by giving some random ass brain fart you thought of that day. It always worked, “you’re so weird, I’m getting worried,” he’d say but with a smile

Once he was picked on by a senior when you were there with him. Cause yknow he ‘bumped’ against that senior, and well the senior was like those typical “oH yoU bUmpEd me so aPologIse,” and obviously ace, being ace, was defending himself, which made that guy almost punch him but you just grabbed that dude’s arm and gave it a twist and threw him on the ground which came with a loud thud 

Ace smirked and gave you a high five and the both of you just left to wherever you guys were about to go and you guys kept on reenacting the scene otw

Deuce Spade

Deuce is very awkward around you, he didn’t know how to respond to your energy at first

But well people in NRC are all weird so this isn’t new, but he thinks the way you dress eccentrically is pretty cool

“Oh wow, where’d you get that fit? That’s pretty cool I’d be happy to wear something like that,”

Sometimes he unintentionally joins in your antics, then he suddenly realises that he has to act like an honour student

“Hey! We should probably start behaving. Jeez....I could’ve ruined my chance on being an honour student,” he’d clear his throat and return to his goody boy side “Aw c’mon Deuce, you’re no fun,” you’d tease him 

When he calls his mom you would always interfere him and embarrass himb

Ngl tho if the both of you were involved in a fight you’d partner up instead and scare those people away before they can even do stuff to the both of you 

Leona Kingscholar

He does not have the time and energy to deal with you honestly

Locks his room door before you can barge in

“Leona!!” *bangs door* “Open up, pretty please~” then you’d cackle

Groans all day long every time you bother him

But because he’s so used to you bothering him it’d be pretty weird if you didn’t show up sometimes, but he’d also be like “Good Lord, finally some silence,”

He was thankful though, there was this one time where you lost your sh*t when someone was insulting him for how he won’t ever be crown prince and you gave em a good whack plus a bunch of insults to feed em up

He started seeing you as a likeable person but definitely won’t admit it at all. He’s a tad bit tsundere but he got protective of you too and you’d tease him a lot regarding that

Malleus Draconia

He was kinda shocked at first how you easily just approached him, and you were very cheerful about it too!

Yours and his dynamic is the reserved one and the wild one, it was always a weird sight for people to see the both of you together

Oh people do be avoiding the both of you btw

Sebek would often scold you for acting such way towards Malleus and you would always just get on his nerves and the only way for the both of you to settle that is by Malleus’ words

“Well, I don’t really mind (y/n)’s company,” he’d say and you would stick your tongue out to Sebek who would mutter under his breath

You would always play tamagotchi with him together and compare each other’s, it would honestly go on for some time

There was a time when he saw you being violent and he’d be very shocked about it, so he used his magic to restrict you for a bit to calm you down, it was too strong for you so you ended up falling asleep from fatigue. He was very worried about you, so he took care of you the whole time you were asleep

[devinescribe]

Together

Chapter 4 to 100 Promises

Chapter 3 | Chapter 5

It's going to start off where chapter... 2? Left off. I think it was chapter 2 anyways.

Warnings: swearing, weapons, and I think that's it. This chapter isn't that bad.

You feel down to the floor, staring out to the person standing on the balcony. 'Why did I have fucking glass see through doors? Oh fuck my taste in aesthetics!' You thought, looking around a bit panicked, looking for any type of solutions. You quickly crawled besides the bed, hoping they didn't see you. They did. It was to dark out without any lights, so you couldn't see any specific features, other than they were tall, and had some sort of weapon. "Please be locked please be locked please be locked," you muttered, grabbing the dagger you had from the game. The person turned the doorknob from the outside, opening the door. "Oh, fuck me!" You shouted standing up, pointing the dagger at them. "Try me bitch, see what happens! I am not afraid to stab you!"

"Woah there. Didn't think you'd hate me that much," they said, laughing. You recognized that voice. That laugh. You'd know it from anywhere, although it sounded a bit more... confident.

"Niragi?" You asked, hopeful in his answer. "That's me," he said, finally stepping into the part of your room that had enough light from the moon to see. You dropped the dagger, your eyes widening. "You're not? You're not dead," you whispered, walking over to him. "Dead? Why would I be-" he started, before you hugged him tightly. He could feel the shaky breaths you were taking, and decided now wasn't the time. "You stupid fuck, I thought you were dead!" You suddenly shouted, pushing him away. "Yeah? Well, I thought you were safe back home you dumb bitch!" He shouted back. You two looked at each other with a straight face for a few seconds before bursting into laughter.(that's how you know you're best friends UwU)

"I'm so glad I found you! Well... you found me? I don't know, I don't care. How did you find me?" You asked, watching as he walked around your old room. "An educated guess," he said. You laughed watching as he walked around. "I'm guessing all your stuff is at our apartment?" He guessed. You nodded. "Not like I would need it. Also, what's with the gun? And how did you find out I was even here?" You asked, it suddenly dawning on you there was no possible way he could've known. "To your first question, I'll answer in a bit.  To your second question, a... Cheshire cat of sort, I guess you could say," he answered with a smirk. "Cheshire cat? The only person who I've even talked to is- wait... that little! Does he have really blonde, almost white hair and a very condescending look all the time? Pretty short?" You asked, getting a bit angry at the thought that someone had lied to you, and you hadn't caught on. "Uh.. yeah? Wait, do you know him?" It was Niragi's turn to be confused. "That little bitch! He told me- hmph! I'm going to kick his ass off a roof next time I see him!" You yelled in anger. Niragi knew when you got angry to let you rant. You were scary when you were angry. He learned that pretty early on, and learned to stay out of your way when you want to deal with someone. "Yeah, he has that effect on people. He pisses me off. Chishiya... he's well, Chishiya. Thinks he's better than everyone sometimes, I swear," Niragi said. You stopped your rant with a sigh. "Sorry. This is kind of a new situation. Don't know how to deal with it," you muttered sitting on the edge of your bed. Another thing Niragi noticed early on was that you didn't do exceptional with change. "It's human nature to adapt to new things. Just takes you a bit longer. And from what I heard, you did great for your first game," Niragi said as he sat next to you. "Who- oh... Chishiya... Where have you been staying since the games started?" You asked, looking at him curiously. "That's actually what I came here to talk about. Basically, it's a 'safe haven' called the Beach. Players go there, we all play the games when assigned, collect the cards, and give them to Hatter, the leader. Basically communism," he explained. "The fuck?" Were your only words. He laughed. "The more games you play, the more cards you collect, or the more useful you are to the Beach, the higher you wristband number. Right now, we think that if we collect a complete deck of cards, a person can leave. The number 1 leaves first, then we all go up a number," he kept explaining, showing you his wrist band. "4? What did you do to get up that high?" You asked, amazed at his high ranking. "Played the games. Oh, and I guess I'm part of the milital sect, so there's that," he said. He found it cute how you were so excited about something so... irrelevant to him. He had always found it interesting how your emotions could go like the flip of a switch. You could be a total badass one second and the next be curled up under blankets acting cute.

"You're so mean to me!" You pouted, crossing your arms over your chest. He could only laugh in response. "Jerk! I'll lock you out!" You shouted, stomping your foot. He knew you were lying, and you wouldn't. Or, at least he thought so.

"(Y/N), it's been 3 hours, come on I'm sorry," he apologized for what seemed to be the hundredth time to him. You really had locked him out on the balcony. You sat in front of the glass doors, sticking your tongue out at him. "(Y/N), you're 17, not 5 for God's sake, let me in already! You're being really annoying right now!" He shouted, getting angry at you now. Not something that happened very often. You tilted your head to the side, and frowned. You unlocked the door and opened it. He came into the room, and you went and sat on your bed. "Fucking finally..." he whispered to himself. He heard you say something under your breath.

"What was that?" He asked, looking at you. " 'M sorry... don't be mad. I didn't mean to be annoying," you whispered loud enough for him to hear. He suddenly regretted his choice of words from earlier. Being childish sometimes was how you expressed your feelings. You didn't get to be or act like a child when you were younger, so with him, you felt like you could be. He realized that you trusted him enough to do that, and he had been rude about it. "I'm not mad at you. I shouldn't have used those words, I know it's just you being you," he said, sitting down besides you. "I'm sorry I locked you out..." you muttered an apology as you hugged him. "Apology accepted. And I'm sorry for what I did for you to lock me out, and for what I said," he apologized, hugging you back. "You just... it scared me, I thought you had actually... actually done that," you whispered. "I'm thought you'd left me..."

He had remembered that day more than most because it showed how much he actually mattered to you. Back then, when he thought he was worthless and how no one would miss him if her were gone, you did. You had always cared, since the first day he met you. It was one thing he liked about you. The way you cared about people, even if they didn't deserve to be cared about. Sure, you had trouble accepting apologies from people who had hurt you, but it didn't stop you from being nice when needed.

"Yumi? Are you alright?" You asked, seeing one of your bullies crying. "G-get away from me freaks," she had stuttered, wiping away the tears. Niragi tried to pull you away. He knew what this girl had said to you. She was always making fun of you, how you looked, your weight.(I mean, I didn't make the reader plus sized(I'll keep it as neutral as possible), but the more I write, the more I want to. Niragi gives me vibes of the skinny guys who love chubby/plus size women. Aka, the best kind of guy) Anything to make you feel bad about yourself. "Let's just go..." he whispered, trying to pull you away. You shook his hand off, walking over to her. "Yumi-San, what's wrong?" You asked, reaching in your bag, finding a tissue and handing it to her. She blew her nose into it. "M-my boyfriend broke up with me. But it's none of your concern, freak," she sniffled. You both knew who her boyfriend was. One of the guys who was in your main group of tormentors. "Oh honey... a pretty girl like you shouldn't cry over trash like him. You are a solid 11/10, he doesn't deserve the tears," you said, taking another tissue, and drying her tears. Even though she was always so rude to you, you had to admit she was a beautiful girl. She had short back hair that was just above her shoulders, and beautiful brown eyes. She didn't like makeup, so she never wore it, so it made her beauty natural. She wasn't curvy, and made a lot of girls look up to her, as she was actually pretty flat chested. She was incredibly smart as well. All in all, she was simply a teenage girl that was attractive to most guys. And a part of you liked that she wasn't the normal beauty standard, because it was just so badass to you. She hadn't used her looks to get ahead either. She was just mean. You had always thought she was pretty, even if she was mean. "If he can't see how pretty you are, then he's not the one for you," you said. "W-why are you being so nice to me? I- I'm always so mean to you," she stuttered. You stopped to think for a second, and looked back at Niragi. He walked over to you, and stood besides you. "Ok... mm... 'M being nice to you 'cause... I wanna be. No one deserves to feel unwanted. And besides, my karma stays clean," you smiled. She laughed. Not a mocking laugh, not a rude laugh, not a fake laugh. You  told her some joke to make her feel better, and she started laughing even harder. Her real laugh, not the fake preppy laugh she always did. She snorted, and covered her mouth in embarrassment. "You should laugh like that more often. Your real laugh is so nice," you complemented. Yumi had always hated her laugh, as it wasn't the cute laugh that was described in books. But, then again, neither was yours. "Bye bye Yumi! Hope you feel better soon!" You shouted, waving back at her as you and Niragi left. She smiled to herself, waving back at you.

"I want to take a nap," you muttered as you got closer to your house. "You are something else, you know?"

"If... if I go with you right now, I don't think I'd be that helpful. I've only played in one game after all," you stated. Niragi thought for a moment. He'd talked about you, Chishiya would most certainly talk about you seeing as he would never bring someone from a game up unless they were interesting, and once you showed how you could play, he was sure you'd get a high rank. "I've got my ways. You coming with me, or not?" He asked, getting up.

"Yeah. I don't want to be alone again. Or at least without you again. That's 6 months of my life I didn't have my best friend you asshat."

"That wasn't my fault, I had no say in it!"

"Fuck you."

"This is a personal attack on my hp, you're lowering my health bar with your mean comments."

"Nerd."

"Bitch."

You two basically walked back to the beach like that. Most of the way, anyways. You two knew you meant none of the words, it was just your way of talking to each other. In a playful way.

He had taken you up to a room that had a table with chairs around. In there had been 5 people. One with long ish hair, sunglasses, and a colorful robe, another with tattoos covering his body, a woman with a white, sleeveless button up shirt with black shorts, a man dressed in a black tank top and what you would call 'drill Sargeant pants', and well, you knew the last one. "You little bastard!" You shouted, seeing his smirk. "Everyone, this is (L/N) (Y/N), the girl I told you about,'' Chishiya introduced you, ignoring your words. Niragi held your arm to keep you back from hurting Chishiya. He wanted to see it, but he also didn't want you to die. "Ah, lovely! We've heard about you. All good things, all good things," the man in the robe exclaimed. You smiled a bit, seeing as he seemed to be a person who was a fan of the theatrics. He seemed fun. "That's Hatter. The leader, as I told you earlier," Niragi whispered to you. You nodded. "That's the dissection freak, or Ann," he whispered again, nodding his head over to the woman with black hair."That's Aguni. He's the leader of the milital sect. So, basically, my boss," Niragi whispered again, pointing at him. "And that's Last Boss. We're sort of friends?" He whispered making a gesture to the man with tattoos.  "Ah... ok. So, these are all members of the militals?" You asked him quietly. "No, Ann and Chishiya are part of the executives. Aguni is leader of the militals. If you want to work with weapons, that's who you have to impress," Niragi explained. Chishiya had walked over in the time you'd been talking, and only got your attention by tapping your shoulder. You glared down at him. He looked you up and down. "Are you wearing heels, or are you just that tall?" He questioned. You stared down at him. "I'm just this tall?" You said confused. He hummed walking away. Niragi tried to keep his laughter in, and you immediately noticed. You flipped him off, and he acted offended. "So are you two... together?" Hatter asked, noticing you two were standing closely, you went knocked out or trying to kill Niragi. "Together? Like... a relationship? No. Friends? Yes," you said, grabbing his arm. 'Mhm... friends for now.' Ann thought. "We've heard from both Chishiya and Niragi that you're good with weapons?" Ann asked, keeping everyone on track. You nodded. "Which ones?" She asked

You took a big breath, beginning your list, "Knives, swords, bow and arrow, mace, guns I could go into which type if you would like, daggers, throwing knives, crossbow, and many many more but I don't want to bore you."

The room went quiet. "Well... um... that's quite the list. What games have you played in?" Hatter questioned. "Just one... the game with Chishiya," you said, looking down, playing with your- well, technically it was Niragi's, but you thought he was dead, so in your defense, you thought you would never feel the comfort of your best friend's hugs. "Ah, the five of spades, correct?" Hatter asked, more towards Chishiya than you. You both nodded. "Well, before anything, you must know the rules of the Beach. 1, you must wear a swimsuit," he started. "Woah, Woah woah, sorry to interrupt you, but um... why? And uh... he's not wearing one," you stated, pointing at Niragi. "Oi, don't throw me under the bus you dumb whore," he insulted with a smile. You know he didn't mean it in a rude way. Again, you two were best friends. "Sir, I have more blackmail on you than you can think of don't go there with me. For instance I caught you m-" you started, before Niragi put a hand over your mouth. "And that's enough from you. You were saying?" He said, directing his attention back to Hatter. "Uh... what was I saying? Oh yes, he's a milital and carries that gun around so he can't hide weapons. He has access to them, 2 all the cards you collect get handed into me, and 3 Death to the traitors," he finished. You licked Niragi's hand which was still over your mouth. He immediately took his hand off. "Ew! Disgusting!" He shouted, wiping his hand off. You laughed, and everyone else in the room smiled. Especially Hatter. He liked you already. Not in a creepy way, but he enjoyed that you weren't scared. "Anywho, alright. Swimsuit,cards to you, death to the traitors," you repeated. "Good girl," Chishiya said, a teasing tone obvious in his voice. "Tomorrow, you'll be going to a game with Aguni and An. They will decide your skills so we know where to put you. For know, I'm sure that Niragi wouldn't mind showing you to an empty room, and getting you changed into our 'uniform'," Hatter said. "By empty room, you mean she's staying with me until she gets her number, right?" Niragi asked. That's what he wanted, for you to stay with him. You two had almost 6 months of talking to catch up on. "Oki! Come on bubs, lead the way!" You shouted, grabbing his hand. He rolled his eyes, leading you out.

"I bet you guys anything they'll get together," Hatter stated after you two left. "Oh thank the gods I wasn't the only one who thought so," Ann breathed. You two had quite the overwhelming personalities. "I'm sure. She's a smart girl though. From what I saw, she's a potentially strong player for diamonds and hearts," Chishiya stated, watching the spot you had just stood at. "Oh, I think so too. Aguni, what do you think?" Hatter asked, turning his attention to his stoic friend. "We'll have to wait and see for tomorrow," he responded.

Anyways, this is on Wattpad and AO3 as well, I hope you're all having a lovely day/evening

[burkymakar]

Pretty pretty please could you write the Boeser same Halloween costume request with Matty? 💖

DISCLAIMER: written before i was aware he’s fine with head hits

Prompt: mortal enemies accidentally showing up in matching costumes every fucking year

The one downside to being best friends with David Rittich and his wafe was their friendship with Matthew Tkachuk

You figured maybe he would take a break from being an absolute pest, but nope: he bothered you incessantly off the ice.

And yes he’s cute and talented and you wanted to lick him sometimes, but that doesn’t mean he gets to be an annoying little shit to you.

But the thing that bothered you the most was the unfortunate occurrence that you two always managed to somehow be in matching costumes.

The first year, you were a snake. He was an apple. Then the second year, you were both superheroes (Marvel and DC respectively). Third year, you were the Cheshire Cat, and he was the Mad Hatter. 

Four years into it, you had a plan: Pirate. No way was Matthew gonna do that. He couldn’t handle the ruffles. 

Then you show up to the Rittichs Halloween Party, feeling spooky and beautiful in your pirate costume. 

Then you go to the kitchen to grab a BOO-zy cocktail to see Matthew there: dressed as a pirate with a fucking fake PARROT on his shoulder.

“No.” You say. “Fuck this. You have to change.”

He’s talking to Bennett, who bursts into laughter. He knows how much you hate matching with Tkachuk. David is giggling. Nikola you can tell wants to laugh, but out of allegiance to you she’s holding it back.

“I’m not changing,” Matty says obviously.

At a loss for what else to do, you say, “Fine, I will.”

Desperate, you head upstairs to Nikola’s room and start looking around for things to salvage into a new costume. Is there an all-orange outfit for a prisoner deal? Does she have makeup to turn you into a Zombie?

Ten minutes later, you’re sitting criss-cross on the floor of her closet, trying to find clothes that will fit and make a costume.

“You know you’re being ridiculous right?” Matthew comes in. 

“Fuck off.”

“Be nice,” He chides, sitting next to you. He starts folding Nikola’s clothes with you. “I kinda like that we show up matching every year. Shows we finally have something in common.” 

“I’ve found it enough to deal with the fact we both breathe,” You huff, but you feel yourself melting a little in his presence. Normally, you feel riled up around him, but now he’s mollifying. 

“If you want, I’ll change,” He offers. “Go real half-assed and dressed as a hockey player.” 

“You’d really change?” You study him. “For me?”

“Yep.”

“But you hate me.”

“Not as much as you hate me,” He shrugs. “But if it’ll make u happy, sure.”

Before you even properly have the chance to think about it, you kiss him on top of Nikola’s clothes. Dressed as a fucking pirate.

The kiss escalates, and his hands are pushing at your pirate corset and you’ve already knocked off the stupid parrot.

“I’ve found a solution so we’re both happy,” He says, looking a bit flushed. “What if we both just say ‘fuck the costumes’ and get naked?”

“But then we’re both matching in our nakedness?” You can’t help but mock.

“Shh don’t ruin my logic” He says, and brings his lips to yours again.

[thepurplebutterflythings]

Kitty Cat & Tweety Bird (Part 9) - Jason Todd

Gif: Unknown on Tenor

Word Count: 3.7K

Paring: Jason Todd (Titans) x (f)Reader

Summary: While looking for Y/N, Harley feels responsible for The Joker kidnapping her beloved niece. As Joker and Y/N are face to face, The Joker wonders why he didn’t know about Y/N beforehand, especially considering he and Bruce are ‘connected’.

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse.

A/N: This is a little series I am doing about Jason Todd in Titans. I don’t know Comic!Jason very well so I’m taking all of this from the show, and at the moment he hasn’t been in very often, so please forgive any mischaracterizations.

Tagging: @bella-0104-123 @ninergirl1d @httpfandxms @rosybrock @attackonnat @reclusive-chicken-nugget   @demoiselle-en-detresse00 @young-psychos @thesleepykaijuu @thescottpack @nightlygiggles @rougestorms @sinon36​ @loxbbg​

Kitty Cat & Tweety Bird Part 8  | Masterlist |

________________________________________________________________

“Well, well, well.”

Y/N stirred with discomfort at the voice, low and gravely and gave the same effect of nails being dragged down a chalkboard with teeth on edge and bones wanting to escape the flesh prison as the noise drilled through them. It sounded as though they always had something in their throat they were trying to cough up, but could never rid themselves of. When she opened her eyes, Y/N looked around her and realised that she was tied up and being hung from the ceiling above her by chains. She was still dazed and so wasn’t fully aware, but when she looked below, she snapped out of it, for she was being hung carelessly above a vat of green, bubbling chemicals that glowed in the darkened room. The voice from before laughed manically, and Y/N looked around to see where the sound came from. As she looked, she gathered more about her surroundings, realising she was in Ace Chemicals. Footsteps echoed as the owner walked on the gantry above the chemicals, and Y/N saw her capture. The Joker.

Despite her Aunt Harley once being in a relationship (if you could even call it that) with the mad man, Y/N had never met him. He wasn’t even supposed to know she existed as Harley was frightened the man would harm her.

“You!” Y/N seethed.

“Ah! So you’ve heard of me,” Joker crouched down. There was still a distance between them, perhaps three or four metres. “That’s… interesting, for you see it wasn’t until earlier that I heard of you, Miss Wayne! You’re daddy and I… we’re connected so you would have thought I should know about you, but alas I did not.”

“You’re supposed to be in Arkham,” Y/N said, “how’d you get out? Why isn’t any news you’re out?”

“Smart little Bat Pup, aren’t you, Y/N,” Joker wagged his finger as he pulled a pocket watch out of his purple coat pocket and looked at it, “They should be finding out right about… now!” Just as the Joker said ‘Now,’ the siren from Arkham that signified a break out rang loudly through the air. “But that doesn’t mean they’ll catch me.”

“Why are you doing this?” She asked as she shifted in the chains, trying to loosen herself.

“Because,” Joker just shrugged, “To get at Bruce, I need to get to the one thing he loves and cares about more than anything – family.”

________________________________________________________________

The group, upon realizing that Joker had kidnapped Y/N, all suited up and went to search Gotham to find where he was holding her, reluctantly revealing to Harley and Ivy who it was beneath the mask of Batman. Neither were totally surprised, to be honest, and there were bigger things to worry about than Bruce Wayne being Batman. After Harley and Ivy got their protective gear on, they stopped at Wayne Manor were Jason and Bruce suited up, and then they went to Selina’s who pulled her Catwoman suit on. Alfred monitored their search for Y/N from the Batcave while Ivy and Selina went one way, Harley and Bruce went another and Jason went separately.

As Harley and Bruce finished searching yet another warehouse in Joker’s name, Harley fell against the wall and slowly ended up on the ground, sitting with her knees pulled to her chest. Bruce turned around and saw the woman curled in upon herself and frowned, walking up to her.

“Harleen?” Bruce said gently, “What’s wrong?”

“I kinda feel like all ‘a this is my fault,” she muttered as she ran her fingers over her knee.

“What makes you think that?” Bruce asked, sitting next to her to comfort her. Harley sniffed a little and turned her head to look at Bruce. She was holding back tears and her bottom lip, painted a brilliant shade of red that reflected the lights back from its gloss, quivered like a leaf.

“I had a chance to kill him,” Harley explained, “I coulda killed Joker, but I didn’t, and now he’s kidnapped a girl that I love and care for like me own.”

“What?”

“I left Joker when Y/N was ten,” She began, “Not many people know this, only Y/N, Selina and Ivy, but Joker… he used ta hurt me, hurt me bad, physically and mentally,” Harley confessed, “I know, I know, that’s what I get for dating a villain like Joker,” she sighed.

“God no,” Bruce said, “no, no, no, you never deserve anything that he did to you, ever, regardless of him being a villain, regardless of what you’ve done. You should never have been abused by him.”

“Thank you, Bruce,” Harley smiled tightly, “The night I decided I was gonna leave, he hurt me worse than he ever had before and I ran to Selina’s. She patched me up, and Y/N came out her bedroom, all in her jammies and everything – they were Batman one – and she saw me bleeding on the sofa and asked what happened. Well, at this point, Y/N/N just found out her mama was a thief, and her aunties were a criminal lunatic and an eco-terrorist, so there wasn’t much we could hide from her. She pretty much put two and two together , and that’s when she started wanting to be a vigilante, to take people like Joker and Penguin down. I decided then I had ta leave” Harley sighed and pushed her hair back. “Selina and I went back to Jokers, Selina as Catwoman, obviously, and we got my things, and Joker tried and stopped me, said he could be without me, he threw Selina off the stairs and tried ta grab me, so I grabbed my mallet and I started hitting him again and again and again. Selina stopped me cause Joker had called his henchmen and we didn’t have a chance to finish the job cause we didn’t have a gun, so we had to go. I shoulda stayed, I shoulda finished the fucking job, but then Selina said how upset Y/N would be if I did go through with it, saying 'Babes will be heartbroken'. She said it like that so Joker wouldn't know. And she was right, just thinking about Y/N finding out about what I was bout to do – it killed me. Y/N/N… she knows we were villains, that we’ve done bad things, that we have killed before, but this was different, cause me killing him would mean Joker’s men would kill me. That would break her heart, so I didn’t, and we left, went back to Selina’s. But I shoulda done it, I shoulda killed the bastard, gone down in fucking flames with him, cause if I did then he wouldn’t have taken Y/N.”

“Hey,” Bruce said, putting a hand on Harley’s shoulders, “you aren’t to blame here. The only one responsible for Joker’s actions is Joker. And Y/N had a much better and happier life with Selina, Ivy and you raising her.”

“Really?” Harley looked at Bruce and wiped her eyes.

“She’s incredible, and that’s partly because of you.”

“Thank you, Brucie,” Harley said kissing Bruce’s cheek, “you’re a doll, now, let’s go kick my ex’s ass!”

________________________________________________________________

Y/N watched from her spot above the chemical tank as Joker paced up and down the gantry. He seemed befuddled, gnawing on his thumb and occasionally huffing and pointing at Y/N before carrying on pacing.

“Explain to me, Ms Y/N Wayne,” Joker finally said, “why your father kept you from me, me, me of all people,” he gestured to himself and threw his arms in the air, seething and spitting as he worked himself up.

“I’m not the person to talk to about this, Joker,” Y/N huffed and turned her head away.

“Well, who else is there to ask?”

“My parents come to mind.”

“Do you know what it feels like?” Joker asked, “the chemicals?”

“No, and don’t really want to – let’s go back to bitching about my dad, can we?”

“Uh, uh, uh,” Joker tutted, “let’s go and talk about the chemicals, cause if dear old daddy can’t rescue you, then you’ll be plopped into a nice green bath of acid, how’s that sound?”

“Like dinner with The Mad Hatter sounds a lot more pleasant.”

“Oh, he’s a nightmare to spend ten minutes with really, Ms Y/N Wayne.”

“Please stop calling me that,” she sighed.

“It is your name though, Ms Y/N Wayne,” Joker said, “Anyway, back to the chemicals. It crawls under your skin and makes it feel as though every vein is on fire, that your skin is pulling itself from your bone and even when cleaned, you feel as though you are still coated in the substance, it’s… horrendous, never-ending torture. How does that sound, Ms Y/N Wayne?”

“Like high school, really.”

“And what kinda high school did your mama send you to?”

________________________________________________________________

Jason adjusted his Robin mask as he landed on the car roof. This was the last place on his list, Ace Chemicals. Bruce wasn’t sure if Joker would ever return there after the previous two times he was there and how bad those turned out, but Joker was a creature of habit, so it made sense to check. If Y/N wasn’t there, he had no idea where else she could be. Slowly, Jason crept up the ladder outside the building to the top, peering through the window. There she was, Y/N, tied up in chains and dangling over the vat of chemicals like a fish on a hook while Joker paced up and down and ranted as he did. Pulling his phone from his pocket, Jason called Bruce.

“Jason? You found her?”

“Yeah, Ace Chemicals, come quick,” Jason said.

“On my way, I’ll contact Selina. Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not planning on doing anything that would put Y/N in danger, Bruce,” Jason said before hanging up. He climbed back down and walked around the perimeter of the building, finding a door and opening it quietly. There was no one down there. It appears that Joker got so caught up in his plan to kidnap Y/N that he didn’t contact any of his men to watch the surroundings. Jason quickly walked away from the door and back to the car, opening it and checking, seeing the keys were still in there. He took the bag he had on his shoulder off and put it in the car, on the passenger side, then he walked into the building and slowly walked up the stairs, listening as he did.

“And here is the thing that bothers me the most, Ms Y/N Wayne,” Joker ranted on and on, “that I didn’t sense you,” he said, “after all your father and I have gone through, I should have sensed you – the daughter of Bruce Wayne, of Batman – but I didn’t, why?”

“Cause you’re not a fucking psychic,” Y/N groaned, “cause you’re a delusional lunatic.”

Jason bit back a chuckle. Only Y/N would be tied up over chemicals, her life in danger, kidnapped by The Joker, and still remain level headed and calm if a little irritated and bored. Jason tried to step forward, but something creaked beneath him.

“Wait,” Joker lifted a finger, “we aren’t alone here. Come out then, our unknown audience.” Jason gulped and walked out from his hiding place. His eyes moved from Joker to Y/N. Y/N was biting back her smile of relief of seeing Jason as Robin. Thank god someone was there to rescue her. “And Bruce didn’t even come himself to rescue his beloved offspring?” Joker tutted as he wagged his finger in disappointment. “But his pet bird instead? What does that say about the man?”

“We’ve all been out searching for her,” Jason said, keeping his eyes on Y/N.

“We?” Joker frowned, “Not just The Bat?”

“No,” Jason shook his head, “me, her father, her mother, and her aunts.”

“Mother? Aunts?”

“Oh, please tell me you aren’t that stupid,” Y/N said, moving her eyes to Joker. “You know it takes two people to make a child?”

“Of course I do,” Joker snapped, “her mother?”

“Oh my god,” Jason said, “you idiot. You don’t know who her mother is, do you?”

“Who is her mother?” The Joker asked, “and aunts? She has aunts?”

“Wow,” Y/N started laughing from her trapped place, “this is brilliant, oh my god, you have no idea what’s going to happen next. Fucking hell. Talk about karma being a bitch.”

“Someone explain to me what is going on!”

“Not only is Batman her father,” Jason said, almost laughing, while Y/N was howling with glee as she realised Joker had just trapped himself in his own trap. How brilliant. “Her mother is Catwoman, and her aunts are Catwoman’s friends – The Gotham City Sirens.”

Y/N and Jason didn’t let their faces reveal that behind the Joker the window had opened, and Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy had both snuck and were quietly behind the Joker, waiting for the right moment.

“What?” The smile on Joker’s face dropped for a second, “The Sirens?”

“Which means, dumbass, that your ex-girlfriend, and her new beau, both helped in raise Y/N,” Jason said, “meaning not only Batman is on the way, but Catwoman, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn are also coming here.”

“Seriously, mate,” Y/N laughed, “if there was an Olympics for bad luck, you’ve got Gold, not only that, but you fucking smashed the world record.”

“Uh oh,” Joker said.

“Uh oh is right there, puddin’,” Harley said from behind Joker, baseball bat in hand. She swung it hard and hit Joker in the side of the head. Joker yelped loudly and stumbled back. Bruce and Selina, still in costume, appeared from where Jason walked out of. Ivy then punched Joker in the gut while Bruce went for his face. Selina kicked the Joker in the chest. All the adults started beating the Joker as Brue turned to Jason and yelled.

“Robin, get Y/N and get out of here.”

“On it,” Jason yelled back with a nod as he climbed onto the railing and carefully, quickly, moved past the fight and to the other side where the chain holding Y/N was linked up. Jason grabbed it and looked at Y/N, “Ready?”

“Fuck yes,” she nodded as Jason unhooked the chain and started pulling, lifting Y/N higher and higher. As she started moving, she shifted to loosen herself, and once her hands were free from the chain, she grabbed it and shifted her, so her body was then free, still keeping a firm grip. When Jason pulled Y/N high enough, she started swinging, throwing herself forward and flying into Jason’s arms. They crashed onto the floor. Y/N pulled back and looked into Jason’s eyes.

“Didn’t know felines could fly, Kitty Cat,” Jason chuckled.

“Learnt from the best, Tweety Bird.”

They got to their feet, and Jason grabbed her hand, throwing a look at the group before running. He dragged her down the stairs and out of the building. They both ran so fast that they were nearly tripping over their feet, looking over their shoulders constantly as they did. When they had finally reached the car, they stopped, but Y/N pulled away from Jason for a moment, gasping for air and looking behind her as she did.

“What is it?” Jason asked as he opened the door.

“We can’t just leave,” Y/N said, “we can’t leave them, we have to go back, we have to help. Did you bring my suit?”

“Bruce told me to get you out of here,” Jason said, “I’m doing what he told me to.”

“Jason, I know you,” Y/N folded her arms, “where’s my Lynx suit?”

“No, we’re going back to Wayne Manor, and they’ll meet us back there.”

“Jason, where is my suit?”

“No.”

Y/N sighed and walked forward, arms still folded. She leant against the car, next to Jason, and lifted her eyebrows.

“Where is my suit, Jason?”

Jason sighed and groaned, rolling his head back before ducking into the car and grabbing the bag he put on the passenger seat, pulling it out and handing it into Y/N.

“You’re explaining this to your father.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she rolled her eyes as she climbed into the backseat and started changing, “now, no looking.”

“Now all I wanna do is look,” Jason huffed.

“Tell you what,” Y/N teased, “you can watch me get undressed after all, this is over.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

________________________________________________________________

It was as though the adults were all taking turns in beating the Joker, but he was fighting back, not going down easy. If Batman wasn’t there, then the Sirens would have easily killed him by then, but Bruce was adamant to return the lunatic to Arkham.

“My daughter is not a pawn for your fucking games,” Selina hissed as she scratched his cheek, nearly reaching his eye but just missing, “come after her again and it’ll be the last thing you ever do.”

“I shoulda killed ya way back when, ya cunt,” Harley kicked him in the back, causing him to fall to the floor.

“You’re lucky I let you breath clean air,” Ivy yelled as she slapped him.

“My child,” Bruce picked Joker up by the collar of his jacket and leaned into his face, “has nothing to do with me and you. Leave her be.”

“Or what? MMM? Throw me into the acid? We both know you won’t. We’re connected, you and I, you know it too.”

“You delusional fuck,” Selina pulled Joker from Bruce and kneed him in the stomach.

“What did I ever see in ya?” Harley threw her arms up, “seriously? How’d I ever think you were a good match for me?”

Joker took this moment and grabbed Selina and dangled her over the edge near the acid where the broken railing was.

“Come any closer, and the cat gets it.”

“Like hell she does,” said a voice. Y/N ran in as Lynx with Robin close behind her. She launched herself at Joker, who pulled Selina from the edge and fell backwards. Y/N punched him in the face. Joker got to his feet and started trying to fight Y/N. Y/N was quick, dodging his slower movements. Jason quickly came to Y/N’s side, and they started to fight against the Joker in sync, when Y/N kicked him towards Jason, Jason would punch him in the face back towards Y/N, falling to the ground, and Y/N would lift her knee, clocking him in the chin, pushing him towards Jason, who would shove him to knock him off balance. The adults all watched them in awe as Jason and Y/N moved in sync with each other, beating the Joker relentlessly. They didn’t even need to intervene, Jason and Y/N had it all under control. Eventually, Y/N grabbed the chains previously used to hold her over the acid and wrap them around Joker’s wrists, letting him balance on the edge over the acid, holding him carelessly by the chain.

“Y/N!” Bruce said out of instinct.

“No one goes after my family,” Y/N growled, “no one.”

“Well, talk about a punch line,” Joker whistled with a laugh, throwing his head back. He recognised the Lynx costume. They still got newspapers in Arkham. “That Bat’s Pup is a Cat after all!”

Y/N looked The Joker dead in the eye. She looked at him coldly as he laughed on a loop. Jason stood behind Y/N, ready to support Y/N in whatever she did, and the adults just watched.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t drop you into the acid and let it finish the job.”

“It didn’t work the first time,” Joker said, “what makes you think it’ll work the second?”

“Cause half the job is already done.”

“Ooo, low blow, Pup-Cat.”

“Y/N, don’t,” Bruce said, “You’re better than this.”

“Am I really, though?” She asked, “And don’t tell me you haven’t thought of it yourself, of letting the bastard die. The world will be a far better place without him.” The Joker pulled a hurt facial expression before laughing again.

“I mean,” Jason coughed, “she’s not wrong. The world would be better without him.”

“Think of how many people he’s killed. This is his retribution.”

“He ain’t got any humanity in him,” Harley said quietly, “it’s something I shoulda done a long time ago, but,” Harley sighed, “Y/N, I don’t want ya to become a killer. Ya Daddy’s right, you’re better than this, than me.”

“And me,” said Selina.

“And I,” Ivy nodded.

“Don’t become a killer like us,” Harley said, “cause it’s a line you can never go back from.”

“Trust me, if I could,” Selina sighed, “I would never have pushed that guy from the window,” she whispered, “even though I had a good reason and was protecting someone else,” her eyes flickered to Bruce, who lowered his eyes as the image of Young Selina shoving Alfred’s army buddy out the window came into his mind.

“Y/N,” Jason put his hand on Y/N’s shoulder, “let’s take him to Arkham.”

Y/N looked Joker in the eye. Everything he did to Harley, nearly killing Selina, dangling herself over the chemicals, the torture he inflicted on her father over the years (it wasn’t a secret, everyone knew about The Joker Versus Batman), and he was going to live. It wasn’t fair, but they were all right, Y/N didn’t want to be a killer, didn’t want to cross that line.

“Fine,” she sighed, but instead of being gentle, Y/N yanked the chain quickly, pulling Joker forward and kneed him in the head with such force it knocked him unconscious.

As The Joker laid unconscious on the floor, Y/N took her mask off and looked at her family.

“You did the right thing,” her mother told her softly.

“I hope so,” Y/N sighed.

“Hey,” Bruce said, brushing the hair from Y/N’s eyes, “I’m proud of you,” he told her with a soft smile.

“Thank you, Dad.”

[icharchivist]

Would you share an awkward/embarrassing yet funny story with us?

my whole life is awkward and embarrassing, take a pick

I have no idea what prompted this ask but i’ve also never really shyed away from all those i think.

There’s a few i can think of i’ve already mentioned once or twice on my blog (two stories involving two very different mangashop, the fight and the internship stories) but if anything... 

Okay i have a lot of very dumb stories that are ways too embarassing, but one that isn’t too bad - once we had a Sociological & Economy exam and I hated the hell out of that class and i didn’t study anyway and my best friend, who was sitting next to me, hadn’t either, and we were both guuuh over it. 

And, because it was our thoughtprocess At All Time (we were famous with the teachers for being some chaotic likeable disasters) we were singing to ourselves this german song (The Schnapi) (i remind that we are French) and we were laughing so hard about it that before the exam happened, so we dared each other “hey let’s write the chorus (in german) under our names”

Which we did. 

But we didn’t stop there because my friend, oh so clever, then turned to me and told me “hey do you remember the Willy Wonka’s intro song” (from the Burton’s movies) and so i wrote it down for her on the table. And she looked at me and went “i’m going to write it in my exam.” And I went, okay, fair enough, i’m game.

So basically we made a cheatset there for this bullshit and we both decided to completely bullshit our exams, like i think i’ve mentioned in my test that the fall of sells from a shellshop was because the shells had rebelled against humanity and all. 

And there was a big essay we were supposed to write about basically how market could be affected by different factors and such, so i super seriously wrote about the economy of Wonderland and the fact the Mad Hatter couldn’t continue his business while all head were being cut down right? And my friend wrote a full story about the Willy Wonka factory and how the workers decided to rebel (here she put on the song) and threw Willy Wonka into a chocolate thing and cooked him and the economy prospered thanks to canibalism.

And we’ve actually turned in our exams. With those bullshits written on it. All seriously.

To say that we failed this class would be an understatement but that was without thinking about the fact the Teacher well. had Questions. And when he turned in back all the copies, we were kind of flustered thinking about what the hell have we done, and the teacher said loudly that he wanted to see us after class for our copy.

By then most of the class knew what we had done because we were a very gossiping class. a few people actually waited outside hoping to hear what the teacher told us.

that was super embarassing and very difficult not to be laughing at his face considering he was a really, really sweet guy, we just really sucked and had zero self control and he didn’t know us well by then. 

Because see there’s that too: others teachers did know us well and laughed with us a lot over our bullshits, but he didn’t know us. So when he ended up receiving those bullshits of exams he went to see our main teacher who did. copies. of the exams and spread them around with our teachers. We had our cinema teachers at least laughing their asses off hearing about it because “yeah of course those two would do that”

But more embarassingly that i’ve heard in another class is that before he gave us back our copies, he actually stopped by one of his class which had a German student and he asked her to translate what we wrote in German under our names, thinking it was a code or an insult toward him. And the girl had to read us basically writting nonsense and say “no i mean it’s from the song about the little crocodile, i have no idea why though”. But we’ve learnt about that bc we had a friend in this class who knew it was us and she obviously went to tell us right away that “huh he’s asking around why you wrote in german in your copies”

I don’t even remember how we explained it to the teacher, he let us go by having us retake a serious exam instead and i mean i don’t even think we passed this one by being serious (was better than our original grades but that said with our bullshit exams at least my friend got a better grade than a friend who studied and SHE didn’t repass her exam so yaknow)

But therefore by the end of the year our teachers had organized a picnic to celebrate the end of the year and such and we all gathered and there was our Economy teacher there - there was our Cinema and Main teachers i think, all who knew us a little more and all - but so for the picnic the teachers were going around laughing and joking with us, i’m pretty sure our Main teacher mentioned something to us about the exam incident but a ha ha ah,

and anyway so still with my friend we’re doing our usual stuff we kept doing by all time which was to go through our favorite OST of movies (like i think we sang “It’s tough to be a God” from El Dorado in French for hours) and at some point we had the “wait what are the lyrics of La Carioca again” and so we were sat on the grass, looking at the lyrics on my phone and singing them (and it’s a french song but i really need to mention it’s one of the dumbest song ever from one of the best dumb French comedy, it’s the best thing ever) and we were dancing sat down, y’know the usual

Until we suddenly catch our economy teacher, who was talking music with others students nearby us, and heard him go “no girls i do like your music there, aT LEAST YOURS ISN’T COMPLETELY STUPID” and we’ve suddenly felt that he was looking at us, middance singing La Carioca, also knowing VERY WELL he was judging us for the German song. 

I’m almost certain then he talked to us and went “so it wasn’t just a stupid prank, you’re both just like that H24.” and i still have nO IDEA what it is supposed to mean but wELL. I GUESS.He didn’t hold any grudge it seems. He kept copies though.  He apparently talked about those weird exams he got to some of his others classes so huh. Legacy and all.

Anyway since then i’ve heard that a few teachers had actually kept copies of those exams so there was no escaping the fact everyone in this highschool knew we were That Dumb. (i mean people knew bc we were doing crack movies for our cinema courses that was projected during a week and all, but that was a specific brand of dumb).

So basically this is perhaps the Peak Dumbass from my Highschool years which means a lot because we were.. doing this sort of things a lot, it just happens that this one time it happened against a teacher who wasn’t used to it and it backfired.

I have no idea if this is the sort of stories you hoped to find but here it is: peak of my life, 15yo me being an idiot. Hope you at least enjoyed the read.

I wish you well ;O

[dcarevu]

Batman TAS: Mad as a Hatter

“Why don’t you go do something useful like… Oh, go jump in the river.”

Episode: 27 Robin: No Writer: Paul Dini Director: Frank Paur Animator: Akom Airdate: October 12, 1992 Grade: B

I was in high school when Tim Burton’s version of Alice in Wonderland showed up in theaters, and like almost everyone I knew, I could not have been more excited. I really loved the Disney version, and considering that the man involved with Beetlejuice, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Batman, and more would be giving us his take on it right as I was starting to move toward my emo-scene phase, it was a dream come true. Even now, on paper, this seems like the perfect recipe, doesn’t it? But I think most of us can agree that it just didn’t meet expectations. The first time I watched it, I wouldn’t admit to myself that I wasn’t a fan. It was dark, and strange, and Tim Burton + Alice in Wonderland. Everything I wanted! As a developing emo kid, I was supposed to like it! The reason I bring this up is because Batman the Animated Series being fused with Alice in Wonderland seems like another fantasy-combination that would have no way to turn out subpar. Mad as a Hatter is an episode that, for the most part, actually gets a lot of praise. Alas (or, for the sake of the pun, Alice), maybe the idea seemed a little bit too easy, making it easier to over-shoot, missing the mark. This is another episode featuring a crazy set-piece at the end, but it is also another episode that was handed to Akom. Christ, why. Of all the episodes. All the episodes. Why is it some of the ones with the highest reliance on visuals? This episode involved not just complicated, creative visuals, but incredibly weird ones as well that needed to be animated just right to not look like subjects from one’s fever dreams. You wanna know how that turned out? Well, I heard an, “Oh my god!” from Char as the walrus and the carpenter made their appearances. While that did make me laugh quite hard, and Akom definitely got the weirdness down, it should have looked like intentional weirdness. Beyond the animation, the story is actually decent. It is Paul Dini, so what can you really expect. But even here, I would not call it A-level material. Some strange dialogue/delivery choices, and other leaps of logic/strains on the suspension of disbelief take away from it and leave me feeling extremely neutral.

Okay, so after that paragraph above was written, I went and took the screenshots from my DVD. I was surprised. The DVD looks so much better than the Blu Ray here. This was the case with The Clock King too, and I fear it is starting to seem like a pattern. I think it all comes down to the Blu Ray release looking too clean, and way too bright at times. Because of course, the DVD is in lower definition. Shadows are lightened so that we can see all of the imperfections of Akom’s drawings. Smudges and dirt are removed, giving the people a plastic look at times. It’s not the way the show was meant to be watched (as I said, probably VHS would be my preferred way of viewing if that were feasible). This puts me in an interesting spot, because I paid near $100 for the set, and also, some episodes look absolutely phenomenal. But is it worth it when some look like absolute crap? The great-looking shows look godly. The mediocre-looking ones look horrible. I was ready to tear into how Mad as a Hatter looked and rip it a new one, but now I do not think that would be fair. No, the animation here isn’t perfect. But it’s passable. And I think that’s worth something given the frequency at which I complain about Akom. At this point, I have watched up to Robin’s Reckoning. From here, I honestly might start using the ol’ dvd’s again. It’s unfortunate, but if I go back to specific episodes that I love later on, then I’ll use the Blu Ray. Remember, I am watching these with Char who has never seen the DCAU before. I want the series to make the best possible impression, and even with the best plot ever, a bad-looking episode can make a disappointing episode. Merely getting the episodes at a higher definition, but leaving them dirty and dark would have been my preferred solution. Anyway, back to talking about the episode itself (and yes, this does slightly affect how I see the episode. At first I was giving it a C. But I think I’ll have to bump it up to B territory).

We start with episode with some cute-ass mice, only to then be introduced to a face that a mother would have a hard time loving. Jervis Tetch, aka The Mad Hatter, is a character-design, alright. I think I know what they were going for, though. He has this kooky look that makes him stand out from every other character. He certainly looks like he could play someone from Wonderland. But the problem I think comes from Akom (ironic given that last paragraph, huh?). This design could probably work, but he has such an odd model, so I think they had a tough time animating him. Or maybe he simply does not translate to movement very well in general, and there was a problem the moment his model sheet was created. Regardless, he can be pretty tough to look at sometimes. Other times, though, he does have that level of whacky which I would hope would be in an episode based on Alice in Wonderland. But we see that Jervis is working on some mind-control technology while also being smitten for a girl that works in his office named Alice. Unfortunately, Alice has a boyfriend, and like many sociopaths in real life, Jervis is not okay with this, taking matters into his own hands. First of all, her name being Alice is kinda stupid, and Char agrees. It takes parallels a little bit too far, and Char noted that it would have been more subtle if her name were something like Alycia. Alice is one of the only people that Jervis feels is nice to him, so if we follow the most sound of incel-logic, she owes him her heart, mind, and body. Not only is she nice to him, but, again, her name is Alice. And it would not surprise me if this were a main factor of why Jervis is into her. He has an Alice in Wonderland poster in his office, he takes her to a theme park of sorts that has a section which is themed after the book, he owns a Mad Hatter costume (or perhaps he obtained this from the park), he quotes the book regularly, etc. He is clearly obsessed. When we reach the point where he mentions that it is one of his favorite stories, it’s like, “Wow! No kidding!” He is not quite wired into reality, likely developing this obsession at an early age to escape from life’s burdens. But Wonderland has burdens of its own.

Jervis ends up using these mind-control cards that he created (another Alice in Wonderland-related thing) to make people basically do his bidding. He first uses them on two thugs attempting to rob him and Alice, forcing them to climb up on top of a bridge and jump into the river. Batman catches notice of this through a police broadcast, and to my surprise, the show mentions a possible suicide in progress. How often do you hear a family cartoon like this use the word “suicide”? I think this is the only time I have ever heard it, despite references occasionally popping up in shows like Spongebob. He then uses more cards on his coworkers, Alice’s fiancé, and Alice herself, creating an army of Alice in Wonderland-themed warriors to defend him from Batman when Batman finds out what’s going on and sets after him. He wants Alice all to himself, and is willing to do whatever possible to obtain her. The final battle takes place in the theme park, the big set-piece of the episode. It’s got some great looking background paintings that 100% capture the tone of the book. It is a shame that the animation done by Akom couldn’t hold up to Radomski’s work. We have moments such as Batman balancing on top of the walls of a playing card maze that I wish stressed me out a little bit more. But because of how stilted the movement is, Batman never really seems like he is having a tough time keeping balance, even though we clearly see him struggling. The fight scenes could also be much better, with more impact felt. The odd costumes that most everyone is wearing makes for some really distorted-looking characters, and it’s clear that not a lot of time was spent making them look quite right. At the same time, though, between the subject material, the gimmicks, the overall surreal nature, and the background art, it is still a lot of fun to watch, even if it is in a more campy way. It is not an episode to be taken extremely seriously. This can be a problem with Batman. The tone can fluctuate greatly from episode to episode. At the beginning, it did not matter as much. Right away we had varying quality and seriousness. I mean, we went from On Leather Wings to Christmas With the Joker. But now we are getting gothic masterpieces like Two-Face, so episodes like Mad as a Hatter feel jarring as hell. It is an episode I enjoyed more on second watch as I gathered screenshots. I loosened up and let myself have fun with it.

The Mad Hatter fails to be a sympathetic villain like I feel they might have been going for, but I do enjoy him being so delusional and sociopathic. When Alice mentions her boyfriend, he gets this scary scowl, and you know at that moment that this is no character you want to root for. When Alice’s boyfriend temporarily breaks up with her, rather than attempting to comfort her and being upset over her sorrow, he jumps for joy because he has a chance to finally swoop in (the epitome of an Internet “nice guy”). When she gets back together with her boyfriend, turned fiancé, he squeezes a bouquet of roses in frustration so hard that he bleeds. I think they were able to get away with this portion because maybe the blood could have passed off as liquid from the flowers? Which doesn’t really make a lot of sense, but for the sake of the blood being included, um, sure. It was definitely rose-goo, guys. Not blood at all… And he also blames Batman for why things ended up the way they did, even though Batman had virtually nothing to do with anything until the very end. He decided to mind-control everyone because he was being a spoiled little piss-baby who could not let the girl he supposedly loves be happy. Char did not care for the character, and jokingly mentioned that he was appropriating the Mad Hatter, doing things that he would never do. Like some batshit crazy super-fan who feels sooo connected with a character, but actually doesn’t understand them at all.

Not a perfect episode, but a grower.

See? Cute-ass mice!

Wow, I didn’t realize that we were watching Attack on Titan. (Joke inspired by Char).

The poster on the wall matches the title card/an actual illustration from the book. It’s actually a pretty dope poster.

A variety of shots showing Jervis’ face. See how inconsistent it is? It is a little similar to the Pokémon Drilbur, where it only works 2D. Adding an element of 3D illusion (such as movement) causes it to fall apart.

Oh, sure, go and rob them right after you see Batman drive by. That’s always smart.

“Please, Mr. Hat. Go easy on us.” The delivery here was wicked funny. It was so monotone, and sounded like he was faking.

I quite like this facial expression. His smile reminds me of the Cheshire Cat.

Batman + Taco Bell

I love the panic in Batman’s voice as he tries to stop them from jumping off of the bridge. It shows how concerned he is with keeping them safe.

They were able to animate this shimmer pretty damn well. Then again, how hard could it be?

A very subtle recreation of the illustration/title card.

I don’t think the background here quite comes together, the composition is off. Still neat to look at.

A close-up of the illustration.

Now this is an ugly facial expression. Gross! And it’s not like this was a quick frame. It was there long enough to notice.

This shot has a lovely glow to it. It looks quite nice. 

One of the only times they were able to get away with blood. Um. Oops. I meant flower-goo! It’s flower-goo, guys! The blood drips right onto Billy’s face. As if a hit were put on him. Awesome detail.

“Oh, do be quiet!”

Bruce whispers “Congratulations.” in such a goobery way. I love it. 

The shadow of the plants shifted in some wonky-looking ways. Also, when the Mad Hatter and Batman both arrive on the scene, she says, “This is getting too weird.” But she says it so nonchalantly. Not the best delivery.

Very sloppy-looking drawings of their faces. These costumes, though. 

Cool impact here. He just decimates that wood. I’m not sure if Storybook Land has the safest costumes. 

This is some enjoyable stuff right here. I had a lot of fun with this portion.

“Off with his head!” I should have counted how many times this line was said.

Perfect example if how cool the painted visuals are paired with some mediocre animation. Hell, I’m pretty sure Batman’s run was recycled for two of these stills.

Gee, I wonder which cards are going to move. Great Mad Hatter, pose, though. This is what I wish he looked like all the time!

The looming Jabberwock ends up falling on him, ending the adventure through Wonderland. 

There’s no reversing the damage, Jervis. You’ll never talk with her again. Was it worth it? Also, his hair totally changed color at one point. Um... Maybe he dyed it?

Char’s grade: D Next time: Dreams in Darkness

Full episode list here!

[ohbananapancakes]

I had another dream about Camren again wtf.

This time though, I was actually friends with Camila and not just some fan she met lol okay I’m reaching but it’s a dream, get over it.

Anyway, we were all at a Halloween group presentation. Unfortunately, Tyshit and Lauren were leading their own group to present some sort of dance. Funny coz Ty was the Mad Hatter and Lauren was Alice just like irl.

I was staring at them in disgust lol and then I saw Lauren look in my direction, her smile dropped, and looked away, as I heard someone say:

Voice: It sucks doesn’t it? When you see the love of your life with someone else. I would know. *sighs*

I turned back around and I finally saw Camila dressed up as Catwoman (wtf it’s too real now I stg. I got goosebumps in my dream too).

Then our convo went like this:

Me: Camila... is it real?

Camila: What’s real?

Me: Camren. You and Lauren. Is it real? I mean, you both never admitted it so a part of me thinks I’m actually just crazy and delusional.

Camila: I literally just told you earlier that it hurts to see someone you love with someone else while looking over there *points to Tyshit and Lauren* and you’re still asking me if it’s real? *chuckles* I’m stupid, you know? I left her when all she needed was me. We could’ve been still together right now but I was selfish and I left her for my dreams. She begged me to stay but I fucking abandoned her and now she’s with someone else. I’m so selfish and everything is my fault and now I’m in pain. *laughs but starts to cry*

At this point I was panicking so I just hugged her.

Me: Shhh don’t cry. Things will get better soon hopefully. You left her for something you loved doing so don’t ever beat yourself up for leaving to follow your dream. She loves you and you love her. I’m sure she’ll come around, but for now, just give her time. If it’s really meant to be, you two will find your way back to each other.

Camila: You think so? I just really love her so much. I don’t think I can ever love someone as much as I love her.

Me: Yes, Camila. I know so.

*We both looked at Lauren who was looking back at Camila with sad eyes and then looked away*

Then cue another scene in my dream where the waves caught me and I drowned and died, so I woke up with my heart beating erratically...

Seriously, what the fuck? I keep having weird ass dreams!

[ultimatetornshipper]

Oms that would be great

Like cue Maddie panicking and grabbing Dexter while yelling in Riddlish and him being dragged all the way to where Raven is because Maddie wouldn't think this through - hold up let's start at the start

Like Maddie just gets sock of Apple's complaining one day and they haven't signed so she's just like, "Bitch u wanna be poisoned? I'LL FUCKING POISON U!!"

So she leaves a gift basket with poisoned apples at their dorm room and she does it specifically on a day when she knows Raven will be back to their dorm late because she's not stupid, just mad

But Raven's thing getz cancelled and she gets home first and cmon man she's hungry and they looked good and why not?

She takes a bite and gets very confused very quickly when she recognizes the signs of poison but passes out quickly

Then Apple gets back and u can hearr her scream for miles because what the actual fuck??

And Maddie is like yes!! It worked!!

And then she goes back and she's like

Oh shit

Raven ate the stupid apple

Then she starts blabbering in riddlish and the wonderlandians understand her and most of them laugh their asses off because literally only Maddie would do this

Then Maddie speed skips (much faster than running as she found out when the Jabberwock attacked ever after (book 3 my friends)) to Dexter and yells at him in Riddlish and drags him all the way to Raven's room where the other Wonderlandians had explained what happened and a crowd had gathered and they'd put Raven on her bed

And Dex is like ????

But Maddie just yells kiss her!

And he's not gonna question her again because when Maddie gets that look in her eye it's best not to ask questions

So he kisses her

But on the forehead because consent people

It works anyway

Lmao they quickly realize Raven just fullfilled the Snow White destiny and Grimn is basically like meh, long as the story is fullfilled, everyone just needs to sign the role they played then they can just keep going with their happily ever after

Bonus:

Dex and Raven are blushy betrothed children and now she needs to take classes that will help her be a queen and like lmao Apple's face

Bonus bonus:

On the day they sign Maddie insists on wearing The Evil Queen's getup

Which is a hot ass pantsuit that is a dark dark purple that shines and a nice cropped jacket that matches and the gorgeos silver crown and purple jewels and silver chains and the most amazingly black high heels

But imagine that with Maddie's hair

And Mira is there and laughs her everloving ass off at the hilariousness of the situation and she takes pics with Maddie because she loves her and The Mad Hatter also finds the situation hilarious

And Apple is positively fuming

Everyone else comes around rather quickly tho

I hope it's okay that I continued this??

Thanks so much for the inspiration

Apple White Salt: One of Raven's female friends (who got voted as a Queen on an online survey or is in some contest that says they're a Queen) gets sick of Apple trying to pressure Raven into being the Evil Queen and decides to poison Apple so Raven doesn't have to but Raven accidentally eats the poison item which makes Raven that generations Snow White and her friend the Evil Queen.

I feel like it would be Maddie tbh idk why.

[thewriterandthewitch]

Audrey knows best (MadWife)

One short fanfic.

Laura x MadSweeney (MadWife)

Rating: Teen and Up. (Mentions of sex)

Summary:

Laura returns to her best friend's house to ask for another favor. This time, she brings a tall leprechaun with her.

You can read it here or in ao3.

Audrey knows best

“Have you had any new hallucinations?”

The psychologist asks the question she has been asking her every week and Audrey shakes her head, in a mute “no”, while she fixes her eyes in the ugly butterfly-shaped pin the woman wears on her lapel.

Rhonda Machado may be an exceptional psychologist but she has a horrible fashion sense. She doesn’t ask another question and Audrey looks up, confused and impatient. She knows the game her psychologist is playing: Silence makes everyone uncomfortable and if Rhonda lets it fill the room for too long, Audrey will end up confessing her most disturbing thoughts. The problem is that it always works.

“Why a zombie? Why couldn’t I hallucinate her as she was before she died?” Audrey shakes her head. “Sewing her arm back was positively disgusting.”

“I don’t know. The mind is a complex mechanism. Do you want to venture a guess?”

Audrey shrugs. “Maybe I wanted to punish her… so I imagined her as a corpse. She was always too pretty outside, too ugly inside.” Even as she says it, she feels a little bit guilty, but she swallows it back.

“Why were you friends then, if she was too ugly inside?”

“I was naïve. I thought she was unreachable and cruel to men but genuine to me.” She laughs, letting the anger rein free. “I was so fucking stupid.” Audrey blinks, allows herself to be lost in her own thoughts and then, she rushes to apologize. “I am sorry for my vocabulary.”

“You can swear if it makes you feel better.”

It shouldn’t but it fucking does. And only for a second, Audrey understands her dead former best friend – because Laura loved to use the crudest words to describe everything. She looked delicate outside but she had such a dirty mouth. Men loved that.

“I always envied the spell she had on men. They smiled at her as if she was the most enchanting princess they had ever met and they just felt the need to protect her at any cost. Shadow wasn’t an exception. Laura smiled back at them, she batted her eyelashes and seduced them in her own subtle way – but it was never real, you know, she liked the attention but she never really cared about them.” She shakes her head, feeling suddenly sad. “Shadow wasn’t an exception.” She repeats.

Audrey remembers when Zombie Laura told her Shadow was the light of her life, and now she wants to laugh hysterically again, but she contains herself.

When Audrey leaves her psychologist’s office, she doesn’t feel better – or saner for that matter. She understands that Laura was only a hallucination, a product of her mind, but she still can remember the pungent smell and the sounds of her bowel movements. It was so disgusting that it’s difficult to accept it wasn’t real.

She decides to go buy food and some ingredients to make pies. She knows she still has plenty of apple pie in the fridge but making them has become her latest obsession. Once, before her life became a fucking Greek tragedy, she loved to decorate scrapbooks – now, the mere sight of colored paper makes her want to puke. Cooking is therapeutic; it saves her from her thoughts, her anger, and her tears.

Audrey only spends half an hour in the supermarket and she arrives home just before the sunset. When her car reaches the driveway, she’s surprised to find a heavily damaged ice truck parked in front of her house. Audrey grabs her grocery bag and steps out of the car without taking her eyes off the ice cream truck.

She almost shrieks when she recognizes Laura Moon, her particular zombie hallucination, in front of the wheel. She looks alive, or dead, or something in between – a little bit worse for wear than the last time she hallucinated her. Audrey hugs her grocery bag against her chest and starts walking toward the main door with urgent steps.

“Audrey!” Laura calls after her, getting out of the truck.

“No, no, no, no. You’re not real!” She screams, not stopping for a second.

Audrey allows herself only a quick peek, to check if Laura is still there. She is and she isn’t alone. A very tall redheaded man descends from the copilot seat and leans against the hood. He has scratches on his face and he looks quite intimidating. The man reminds her of the rough-looking lumberjacks and hunters from the covers of her romantic novels.

“What…?” Laura starts asking but Audrey slams the door in her face.

Safe inside her house, Audrey takes a deep breath to calm her fast-beating heart. She moves toward the kitchen's window and positions herself in a spot where she can still see them without being seen. She watches in silence how Laura returns to the car to grab a box of chocolates and then, she brusquely “hands” it to the tall man, hitting him in the stomach with it.

“Why do I have to bring the chocolates? She’s your friend!”

“Because you smell… well, not good, exactly. Just slightly less disgusting than me.” Laura answers. “I don’t want the chocolates to smell like expired meat.”

The man snorts, a prideful smile forming on his face.

Laura stops in front of her door. “Audrey, I’m very embarrassed I’m doing this again but… I need your help. I brought… I brought some peace offering.”

“I don’t think a box of chocolates will make her forget you died with her husband’s dick inside your mouth.” The man retorts and Audrey nods, agreeing with him, even when he can’t see her.

Laura sighs but doesn’t contradict him. She keeps speaking to the closed door. “We’re going to stay here, waiting, until you open this door. We aren’t going anywhere.”

Audrey shakes her head, furious. She opens the main door and looks at Laura with hate.

Laura smiles as if everything was fine with the world. “Hello, Audrey.”

“You’re dead… and rotting on my doormat.”

Laura simply nods. She seems unperturbed about this fact and Audrey considers it a clear sign that she’s just a product of her imagination.

The redhead turns lightly towards Laura. “I thought she already knew.”

“She does.” Laura looks back at Audrey. “You know. Remember? We had a heart to heart, first in the bathroom, then in your car.”

“Yes. I mean… no.” Audrey shakes her head. “I talked to my psychologist and we decided that you were a product of my imagination. It took weeks, weeks, you hear me? But I finally came to terms with the fact that you weren’t real, that I just made you up because I was feeling guilty for hating you so much when you were dead and buried.”

Laura sighs and shakes her head. She walks into the house without asking for permission. A putrid smell hits Audrey when she passes in front of her so she steps back and covers her nose with her hand. Laura shows her a resigned and even self-deprecating smile.

“If I were only part of your imagination… would I smell so bad?”

“I assure you she’s real. She wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass if she weren’t.” The tall redhead man says.

Audrey blinks at him, “And who are you?”

“Mad Sweeney.” He says, offering her his hand to shake.

“Mad?” She asks while she shakes his hand.

He nods. “Mad as a hatter.” He says, showing a smile that seems too long and two white-teethed for his face.

Without bothering to ask permission, Laura turns the AC on with such strength that she almost tears the wheel off. “Cold is good to conserve cadavers, you know.” She explains. Audrey doesn’t know what to answer to that so she simply nods. Laura moves her hand over her collarbone, where the seams are opening and Audrey can see her bones. “Audrey, I know you still hate me and you’re in your right… but as I said, I need another favor.”

Audrey folds her arms and looks at her former best friend with apprehension. “Is it the car, again?” She holds back from commenting that Laura’s truck is a complete mess.

“No. We need to stay here for some days. It won’t be for long…” Laura shoos away a fly that’s circling over her head. “Well, he needs a place to stay. I will come and go. I have some… errands to do.”

“What kind of trouble are you in? And I don’t want more lies, Laura, I’ve had enough of your secrets…”

Audrey observes how Laura and Mad Sweeney exchange stares. He nods, answering Laura’s mute question. Audrey looks at their wordless understanding with unconcealed surprise. In all the years she has known Laura, she has seen multiple guys trying to form an emotional connection with her but their stares and smiles were always one-sided. Laura smiled back at them but in the same way than an actress smiles at her co-lead, they were never genuine smiles.

“He betrayed a god so he needs to hide somewhere,” Laura explains as if she were explaining the plot of a new movie.

Audrey raises a brow. “A god?”

“A Nordic god, to be more precise,” Sweeney adds. “A one-eyed manipulative son of a bitch with a penchant for storms.”

Audrey shakes her head and looks at Laura with anger, “That’s the lie you want to feed me? You’re hiding from a fucking god?”

Laura extends her arms, showing the marks of her body. “Is that really so difficult to believe?”

Audrey bites her lip, trying to resist the temptation of believing her. Hallucinating her dead best friend is one thing, believing in the existence of a dangerous Nordic god is something else entirely.

Audrey looks at Mad Sweeney with an expression of mocking disbelief. “And what are you, then? A genie?”

“Do I look like a sodding genie?” He asks, deeply offended. “I am a leprechaun.”

She raises both brows, not even trying to hide her skepticism. “A leprechaun? Well, you don’t look like a leprechaun, either. Shouldn’t you be more…?” She gestures with her hand, indicating the size of a kid or a dwarf.

“Don’t even say it. Nobody likes stereotypes.” Sweeney says, with an almost threatening tone.

“So about that favor… what do you say?” Laura asks with a pleading tone. It’s an odd expression in her face, something Audrey hasn’t seen before.

Once again, Audrey bites her lip, meditating. She smiles with courtesy at Sweeney. “Do you mind if I talk with Laura in private?”

Sweeney gestures with his hands, expressing that he doesn’t mind. Audrey grabs her former best friend from the arm and pushes her towards her bedroom. Once they’re inside, she locks the door.

“Who is he?”

Laura blinks, confused. “We weren’t lying. He’s actually a leprechaun.”

“No. Who is he to you?”

“A travel companion. That’s all. He needs something I have, I need his guidance… more or less.”

Audrey looks at her with disbelief. She knew Laura. She knew Laura’s relationship with men – it was always a sordid, depressing and very basic-needs affair.

“Is that how they call it nowadays?”

Laura raises both eyebrows, surprised as if the thought had never crossed her mind. “It’s just a platonic business arrangement and I’m married.”Audrey looks at her with a face that clearly says: ‘are you fucking with me?’ Laura shakes her head and for a moment, she even looks embarrassed. “Well, I am dead and I am pretty sure my vagina isn’t in the right position anymore.”

“So how does that work? You being alive when your organs aren’t in the right position…”

“Long story short: I have a magic coin inside my belly that’s keeping me alive. Ginger Minge here wants that coin so he’s trying to find a solution. Meaning: Resurrection.” Laura stops to swallow a worm that has crept through her throat to her mouth, and continues. “He took me to the goddess Easter but she said she couldn’t resurrect me because I was killed by a god who calls himself Mr. Wednesday.”

“You met Easter? You mean… like Happy Easter? Bunnies and Chocolates?”

“Yes, she’s very nice but useless for what I need… I haven’t given up, though. I will fucking hunt God himself if that’s what it takes.”

Audrey frowns. “What the hell happened to you? When you were alive, you were the biggest atheist I knew and… now you’re looking for God? We live and then we die and we rot. Those were your exact words.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly wrong,” Laura answers, caressing one of her scars with the tips of her fingers.

“You’re also hanging out with a damn leprechaun and running away from gods, and you tell me all this with the biggest conviction.”

“Yes, now I’m a great believer. Whatever. This world fucking sucks and gods aren’t much better… but I don’t have time to discuss religion, ok? So can he stay?”

Audrey looks at the closed door, remembering the strange leprechaun that’s still waiting in her living room. “Can I trust him?”

“He won’t hurt you,” Laura says.

Audrey notices that she didn’t exactly say she could trust him and, for a second, she considers throwing them out of her house but she doesn’t - because lately, her life has been an endless cycle of pity parties and boring days. She needs a distraction and she’s damn curious, too. It’s probably a horrible idea to offer refuge to a leprechaun who has infuriated some dangerous gods but the idea of knowing about that world and not being part of it is even more distressing. She’s tired of being in the dark, so she nods.

“Yes, you both can stay.”

Laura smiles, looking relieved. Audrey doesn’t return the smile – they aren’t friends again. She only nods her head, as if this was a business transaction, and moves to open the door.

Audrey steps out of the bedroom with a friendly smile and looks at Mad Sweeney, who is still waiting in the middle of her living room, holding the box of chocolates:

“Apple pie?” She asks.

+++

The three of them sit at the table, around the apple pie. Mad Sweeney is eating as if this was his last day on earth but Audrey can’t swallow even a bite because she can feel Laura’s strong scent in her taste buds. The silence is uncomfortable and, for a second, it reminds her of her therapy sessions.

“So… are you from Ireland, then?” Audrey asks, trying to be nice.

Mad Sweeney looks up, surprised that she’s addressing him. “There’s no one more Irish than me in this country, deary.”

“What about your parents? Did they immigrate here, too?”

This time, he seems really shocked by the question, “Nobody has ever asked me about my parents before.”

“Please, don’t get all emotional on us now,” Laura tells him, cruelly. Mad Sweeney gestures at her with his big hand, as if he was shooing away a fly.

“Actually, I haven’t thought of my parents in a long time… I was human once. A king, you know?”

Laura rolls her eyes but Audrey bends over the table, interested. “You mean a real king? Crown on your head…?”

“Aye, and a throne under my butt.”

Audrey feels tempted to tell him he doesn’t look like royalty but she doesn’t want to offend her guest.

“What happened to your kingdom?” She asks, instead.

“People killed it – when they stopped believing in it. That’s the worst way of killing someone, you know, forgetting them.”

Audrey nods, understanding. She may have never been a queen but she knows how it feels to be forgotten.

“I know what you mean. In some way, I was forgotten too.” She looks at Laura, who seems busy making a mess of her apple pie with her fork, without eating it. “My husband cheated on me with my best friend. The two people I loved the most forgot all about little me… they took me for granted, disrespected me and fucked each other when I wasn’t looking.” Furious now, Audrey looks at Laura. “Was the sex good, at least?”

Laura, looking resigned and guilty, shakes her head. “Not at all.” She says. “He was too insecure, especially with his tongue, always wanting to please.”

“Fuck you, Laura.” Audrey spits out.

Instead of feeling out of place, Mad Sweeney makes himself comfortable on the chair and looks at them as if they were the protagonists of a popular soap opera.

Audrey, however, feels embarrassed by her fit of anger and she looks at Mad Sweeney with mortification. “I am really sorry. That was very uncivilized of me.”

“Civilized is overrated,” Sweeney says.

“He’s more foul-mouthed than the two of us combined. Believe me.” Laura says but Audrey avoids looking at her. Laura rolls her eyes. “Come on, Audrey. What do you want me to say? I’m sorry?”

“Why did you do it?”

“My cat died and…”

“Okay, and my grandmother died five years ago and instead of having an affair, I spent my Christmas bonus on comfort food.”

“He was close, he was just there…” Laura tries to explain.

Audrey shakes her head. She looks up at Sweeney. “Boy, you had bad luck!” The leprechaun nods in agreement although Audrey hasn’t explained yet what she means. “You lost your opportunity to ride the whore. If she had been alive during your road trip, she would’ve jumped your bones… just because you were there.”

Mad Sweeney raises a brow; he seems more amused than uncomfortable.

“For God’s sake, Audrey…” Laura exclaims and she looks at Sweeney’s amused smile. “And you, drop that smile, I wouldn’t have fucked you even if you were the last penis on earth.”

“Are you sure? You have a weird obsession with my prick.” Sweeney pretends to be recalling the different moments. “First, I go to pee, there you come… wishing to take a peek, I’m sure. Then, you hold my balls in your hands…”

Audrey opens her eyes wide, surprised.

“Over his pants!” Laura specifies, for Audrey’s benefit. Then, she looks back at Sweeney. “And do I have to remind you I was aiming to hurt you and not give you pleasure?”

“Oh, darling… but there’s such a thin line between pain and pleasure.”

“Really? Next time, I will make sure to crack them.” Laura shakes her head and looks at Audrey. “As you see, he’s a disgusting piece of shit. I would never fuck him. Dead or Alive.”

Laura sends a heated stare toward Sweeney, challenging him to contradict her. However, it’s Audrey who talks:

“I would.” She says, shrugging.

“What?” Laura asks, confused.

“I would fuck him.” Audrey specifies. She sends a seductive smile towards Sweeney, who looks adorably surprised.

Laura shakes her head, uncomfortable, disgusted and for some reason, angry.

+++

Audrey shows her a small room, a lot smaller than the one where Sweeney is staying. It has a big window, though, which will help with her putrid smell. Laura touches the pillow with her fingers and tries not to remember all the times she stayed over for a girly sleepover with Audrey.

“It’s a good thing you have so many spare rooms,” Laura says, with an uncharacteristic shyness.

“Yes, we bought a big house because we wanted a big family. Good thing it never happened, though.” Audrey answers, with bitterness.

Laura nods, looking guilty again. “You should tell Mad Sweeney you were joking, you know. If you don’t want him to come to your room in the middle of the night…”

Audrey smiles, making Laura even more uncomfortable. “How old do you think he is?” Audrey asks. Laura immediately recognizes the tone of her voice. It’s the same she used during college when she asked Laura to find out if a boy she liked was an artist, a law student or a computer geek.

“He doesn’t look over forty.” Laura answers.

“Yes, but he’s a leprechaun… isn’t he like 200 years old or something? Like the vampires from the movies.”

“Maybe. Maybe older. I think he said once that he came to America in the 18th century.”

“Can you imagine how experienced he’s in bed?” Audrey asks, with a naughty and too curious smile.

Laura doesn’t answer, she just shakes her head and Audrey moves toward the door, getting ready to leave for her own bedroom. Laura doesn’t want the conversation to end on that note, though, so she calls her name. Audrey stops at the door, with her hand on the handle.

“He killed me. You know?” Laura says. “I thought my death was my fault but he was the one who caused the accident. Divine intervention, because a god ordered him to do it.”

Audrey frowns. “Why are you helping him, then?”

“Well, unfortunately… I need him.”

Audrey raises both brows. It’s the first time that she hears Laura saying that she needs anyone. Laura recognizes the expression on Audrey’s face and she shakes her head.

“No. I don’t need him in the abstract sense of the word. I need him for a very specific reason: My resurrection. He’s the guy who knows everyone – every god, in this case, and where they live. He’s just a very convenient GPS... so I need him alive until we find a solution to my alive-inside-a-rotting-corpse situation. The problem is that he has the tendency of awakening the fury of very powerful gods.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I thought you should know who he really is… before you do something you can regret.”

“Oh. I see.” Audrey says. “I guess I was wrong.”

“Wrong about what?” Laura asks, confused.

“I thought you brought him as a peace offering: ‘Here you have this Sex God, have sex with him and be so grateful that you will forget that I fucked your husband.’ That would be your thought process – you’re messed up enough for that.”

“He’s not a Sex God.”

“Not literarily, maybe, but good enough for a mere mortal like me,” Audrey answers with a small smile. “In any way, it’s obvious you don’t want me to have sex with him.”

“I don’t care if you have sex with him.”

“No. It’s pretty obvious you don’t want me to… because you like him.”

“That’s absurd. Haven’t you heard us arguing before? He’s annoying as hell.”

“He killed you and you are still traveling with him. More than that, you’re protecting him from a god he pissed off… it’s the most selfless act I have seen you do in your whole life.”

“It’s not selfless if I have very selfish reasons to do it!”

“I thought you said you met Easter. I am sure she knows all the gods, too… which means you don’t really need Mad Sweeny and still, you don’t seem to want your revenge.” Audrey smiles, triumphant. “You like the leprechaun, Laura Moon.”

Laura shakes her head. “You’re wrong, but think whatever you want.” Laura puts a lock of her hair behind her ear and tries to talk with innocent indifference. “Does your very wrong assumption mean you’re not going to have sex with him?”

“What? No. As I already told you once: Fuck your feelings, Laura!” Audrey shows her an evil smile. “Sweet dreams.” She says, before exiting the room and closing the door.

Laura stays frozen on her spot for several seconds, trying to understand what she’s feeling and thinking. Death has made her more emotional – which it’s so fucking ironic. She doesn’t need to sleep anymore but she likes to pretend that she could, if she wanted to – so she lies on her back on the bed and looks at the ceiling as if she could see the stars there.

She doesn’t care if Audrey and Mad Sweeney have sex – but for some odd reason, she does. She’s a possessive person, and even when she isn’t interested at all in Mad Sweeney - or that's what she tells herself - she still likes to think he’s hers somehow. Her travel companion, her ally, her killer.

She pays attention to the silence, trying to hear steps or whispers outside her bedroom, but three hours go by without any noise. The fourth hour, however, breaks the quietness of the night. Outside, in the hallway, another door opens and Laura sits up on her bed with all her senses alert.

She immediately recognizes the leprechaun’s heavy steps and before she can realize what she’s doing, she’s opening her own door and looking at Sweeney with a very unfriendly expression. He jumps, surprised by her sudden presence, and takes some steps back.

“Fuck, Deadwife! You should wear a sleigh bell.”

“What? Are you scared of ghosts now?”

“Nah. The dead don’t scare me.”

“Where are you going?” Laura asks, her voice piercing and accusatory.

“Just going to the loo. Wanna come and take a look at my prick?”

Laura shakes her head, feeling more relieved than disgusted. She glances at Audrey’s closed door.

“I think I will take a rain check.”

“Maybe some day, Dead wife.” After these words, he starts heading towards the bathroom and Laura watches him walk away. She stands there until he enters the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

Laura glances at the closed door of Mad Sweeney’s bedroom and in a split second, she makes a decision.

+++

The first thing Mad Sweeney notices when he returns to his bedroom after taking a leak is Laura’s smell. It’s fucking impressive, in the worst way possible, that the thick walls that separate his bedroom from hers aren’t enough to protect him from her smell.

He sighs and doesn’t even bother to turn the light on. He’s so tired that he feels his bones aching and he just wants to lie on the bed and let his mind wander. He takes his shoes, his pants, and his shirt off; and throws them to the floor. It’s a natural ritual that he has done for years, but when he finally gets comfortable under the sheets, he feels his back touching a smooth-but-cold-as-ice something. A shiver shakes his whole body and he jumps out of bed, cursing under his breath.

“Can you stop screaming like a baby girl?” A familiar voice asks.

Mad Sweeney blinks, trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness. There, in front of him, lying on his bed is Laura Moon: As dead as always, as angry as ever. The leprechaun looks around the room, trying to figure out if he went to the wrong room but no – this is the guest room with the mustard yellow colored walls and the closet with the creaking door.

“What are you doing here?” He’s so tired he doesn’t even have the strength to insult her.

“Don’t jump to the wrong conclusions, Ginger Minge. I’m not interested in bumping uglies with you.”

“Well, then you’re the queen of the mixed signals, considering you’re in my bed.”

“I’m trying to save my friend from making a mistake. She’s grieving and emotional and she’s not thinking clearly.”

“I suppose I’m the mistake.” He says and Laura nods. “You always find new ways of insulting me. Well, fuck you… or better not, because I would rather not touch your moldy skin.”

She smiles, “You always find new ways to insult me.” She spits back at him. “What are you waiting for? Get into bed!”

Sweeney doesn’t move for several seconds, remembering the coldness of her inert body. He’s tempted to throw her out of the room with insults, curses and his picturesque vocabulary. He obeys her, instead. He’s not sure why - there’s simply something in her eyes that’s demanding and pleading at the same time and he doesn’t find the courage to disappoint her.

The bed is big and he tries to stay as far away from her as possible. The horrid smell reminds him of the boat that took him to the new world and he wonders, with bitterness, why every journey he starts includes companions with poor hygiene. It’s not Laura’s fault, he knows, but blaming her gives him a pathetic satisfaction.

“You’re going to fall from the bed if you keep moving farther,” Laura says, with a tight voice that indicates he has offended her. He doesn’t answer, but he creeps closer to her.

The silence dominates the next twenty minutes and, for a second, Sweeney thinks Laura has defeated her own death and has finally fallen asleep. Of course, it’s just wishful thinking. She clears her throat before talking:

“I don’t think this is a good hiding place for you. We will set off tomorrow to look for another.”

Sweeney doesn’t bother to ask her why. He thinks he knows. “Trying to protect your friend from the big bad leprechaun? And here I thought you were a crappy friend.”

“Well, better late than never.”

Laura is lying and she knows it. She’s still an asshole, a lepre-cunt. She doesn’t care for Audrey’s wishes or wants – not if they interfere with her own. She wants to be better but right now - as she lies in the darkness, listening to the silence and expecting Audrey to barge into the room with a nightie - she can only think: 'I can be better tomorrow. Tonight, I will be just myself.'

[ruluxe]

Copy & Paste a WIP and Tag 10 People

Tagged by @magicandmalice 

Uuh, this got a little long but I couldn’t decide on an excerpt. Also! Not tagging anyone bc it’s been so long I don’t know anyone on here anymore lol. Feel free to tag me in this if you want to do it tho! 

"Ah, si sta parlando inglese. Who summoned me?" asks the shadow, this time in heavily accented English. He sounds lackadaisical like he's been through this sort of exchange one too many times.

"Summoned you?" Joseph parrots, cocking his head to the side. "Looks like we got us another crazy here, eh Smokey."

Smokey slowly reaches into the back pocket of his jeans. Joseph knows what he's going for. "Hey man, I asked you somethin'! Who are you and what're you doin' here?"

"And I asked you a question," the man says, sounding quite sane for a mad man. "Who called me out?"

"We have no idea what you're talking about," Smokey says as he looks to Joseph. Joseph signals for him to remain calm and not pull out the switchblade he knows Smokey carries but is terrified of using. "No one called you, man."

The stranger sighs. "Just my luck... un paio di idioti."

Joseph grins as he cracks his knuckles. "Not sure what language you're speakin' but I'm pretty sure you just called us a couple of idiots. Why don't ya come out of the shadows there mate and show us your ugly mug."

Smokey stays where he is, crouched protectively over his belongings as Joseph takes a few more steps into the alley. The silhouette moves too, moving towards Joseph in a graceful stride that makes him appear like he's floating. When he finally steps into a streak of sunlight, Joseph gets a better look at the man. He's wearing a diamond checkered top hat, fashioned lopsidedly on his head and its pattern matches his waistcoat. The jacket he wears looks like it's made of crushed velvet, rich burgundy in colour, like a fine merlot. His pants appear to be normal black slacks, slightly oversized and stuffed into black knee-high boots. His hands are sheathed in fingerless leather gloves with brass bulbs on the knuckles.

He looks like a ridiculous magician, Joseph scoffs inwardly. Like a mad hatter.

"Right well. This bloke is definitely not right in the head, eh Smokey. Let's split."

Smokey rushes to gather his things, the items clanking against each other as he wraps them back up in his jacket.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" the man asks, tilting his head to the side that mimics the slide of his crooked grin. As he does this, the illumination clears the brim of his hat and reveals the upper part of the man's face. Light catches his eye and it gleams an unnaturally raw emerald. Below his eye is some sort of purplish smudge, triangular in shape. It's too bright to be a bruise or a tattoo.

Joseph makes a fist and grinds it into the palm of his hand. "You sure you wanna keep bein' a prick?"

"C'mon, JoJo," Smokey urges, cradling the bundle of junk in his arms.

"Be my guest," the stranger lilts, sweeping his hand in the air as if he's allowing them safe passage.

Joseph laughs nervously and an unsettling feeling begins to bubble in his gut. "You're off, mate. Let's get out of here, Smokey." He takes a few steps back, never taking his eyes off the man and waits for Smokey to get a good distance behind him. The man doesn't move and watches Joseph retreat without expression. Joseph doesn't think he even blinks. Once his back clears the mouth of the alley and there's a good forty-somewhat feet in between the weirdo and them, Joseph finally turns to Smokey and whispers, "Run."

Smokey doesn't need to be told twice, he takes off like someone's just lit a fire under his ass and Joseph isn't too far behind. The heavy knot in his stomach keeps nagging him to look over his shoulder but that same knot is preventing him from doing so. Anxious adrenaline courses through his veins and his blood rushes between his ears.

"I left the crystal ball!" Smokey yells apologetically but he too doesn't look over his shoulder to see if Joseph is following him.

"Forget the bloody thing!" Joseph shouts back, his chest pulling tight as his lungs struggle to retain a steady stream of oxygen. "That guy probably followed us from the market lookin' to get that junk back for that old bat — or he was lookin' to make a quid himself!"

"I thought you said this stuff was worthless!"

"Never said that mad hatter thought the same thing now, did I?"

Smokey looks back over his shoulder again and grins wildly. "He did look like a mad hatter, didn't he?"

"As mad as they come," Joseph agrees, leaping over tin garbage pail rolled out in the middle of the sidewalk. They're nearing a street corner and this being New York, Joseph knows there's gotta be a vendor on it. He could really use a Coke right now. "Hey — didn't he kinda remind you of a ringmaster? Y'know, like the bloke that runs the circus?"

Smokey laughs. "Yeah, he did! Maybe that woman in the market was a carnie or something. Maybe there's like, a band of them..."

The pounding of his heart drowns Smokey out as Joseph dares a glance over his shoulder. The streets are crowded as usual but there is no oddly dressed man in a top hat in pursuit. For this, Joseph breathes a sigh of relief and he's about to turn around to share this news with his friend when he knocks into something head-on. There's a hollow clattering on concrete and when Joseph catches up with what just happened, he sees that he's run into Smokey and knocked him onto the sidewalk.

"S-Smokey!" Joseph stutters as he scurries to pick up his friend from the ground. Then he stops short when he sees the reason for Smokey's abrupt stop.

The stranger is somehow in front of them, standing with his arms crossed and a fist curled under his chin. His eyes are closed, his expression reads annoyance as he sighs heavily.

"What in the hell," Joseph starts as grabs Smokey's arm to pull him up. His friend's eyes are just about bugging wide out of his head, his mouth agape in shock. Smokey looks like he's just seen a ghost. "Where the hell did you just come from — how the bloody hell did you do that?!"

"We have a problem here," the man states, opening his eyes finally. "If —"

"Now look here you —"

"If both of you can see me," the man continues, "then that means both of you touched the crystal ball at the same time."

Joseph scrunches his nose in disdain. "What are you on about?"

The stranger sighs again, this time more exasperated. "The crystal ball? You gentlemen rubbed it?"

"Y-yeah, we rubbed it," Smokey stutters, finally breaking his awed silence. "So?"

"Well here I am, you've summoned me, granter of wishes. Unfortunately, that is a problem because only there can only be one wisher at a time."

A sardonic laugh erupts from Joseph. "Oh my god. Are you saying you're some kind of genie? Like Arabian Nights, the magic lamp and all that crock?"

The man clucks his tongue. "Not genie, jinni. And it was a crystal ball, not a lamp. Are you blind as well as stupid?"

"Who're you callin' stupid?" asks Joseph, pushing up his shirt sleeves. "You expect us to believe you're a genie — jinni whatever, same difference — and we're the stupid ones?"

"I rubbed it," Smokey says quietly. "Remember, JoJo? With the scarf."

"Yeah, I remember but this bloke isn't a genie, Smokey. He's some mad man that followed us and saw you rub the stupid ball with the scarf. He's just tryin' to have a go at us so that we'll give him the stuff you looted."

"Try me," the man challenges.

Joseph nudges his friend's shoulder. "Just give him the junk, Smokey. Supper's in an hour, let's get on with it."

"Wait, JoJo," Smokey says, tugging on Joseph's sleeve. “Let's see if this guy's really telling the truth."

Joseph can feel the heat of eyes all around him and when he chances a look, the passersby on the sidewalk all seem to be giving Smokey and him a look that says they ought to be locked up in the local loony bin. Perhaps they aren't looking at them but rather at the man dressed like a ringleader but when Joseph follows their judging stares, none lead back to the strange man claiming to be a genie. "Right well... if you're going to have at it then let's get out of the middle of the street, yeah? People are lookin' at us like we're the ones who are mad."

Smokey nods and retreats a few feet to the nearest alleyway with Joseph and the man following.

"You got a name, genie man?" asks Joseph.

"Caesar," he answers without skipping a beat. "Caesar Zeppeli."

"Sounds like quite the unimaginative stage name," Joseph mutters scornfully.

"I wouldn't expect a brute like you to understand what's in a name," Caesar replies.

"I should make you eat one of these bloody pigeons for tryin' to take advantage of my friend," snaps Joseph.

"Please. I bet you couldn't even fight off a woman."

"Why the hell would I wanna fight a woman, you twit?!"

"Guys!" Smokey interrupts, stopping once he's hidden in the dark of the alley. "This will take five minutes, JoJo. Once this guy proves he's a fake, we can leave, okay? I just wanna see what he's got."

Joseph makes a face, "Yeah, he's a fake alright. Some wannabe street magician that should be workin' in Vegas by the name of The Great Zeppeli —"

"Actually, my grandfather was a magician of sorts in his time and he went by the name of Zeppeli the Eccentric," Caesar says pointedly, pulling on the brim of his top hat. "This used to be his."

"Thanks for that useless piece of information."

"JoJo, please."

Joseph sighs defeat and slumps against the dry brick of an old building. He uses one foot pressed into the wall to prop himself up. "Well — we're waiting," he says to Caesar expectedly.

"Before we begin, there are a few rules we must go over," Caesar announces.

"Of course there are," Joseph mumbles, rolling his eyes. Both Smokey and Caesar give him a look and Joseph says nothing more on the subject.

Caesar clears his throat. "There are rules to wishes that the jinn and wisher must abide by. The first one being I cannot grant a wish that interferes with free will."

"What does that mean?" asks Smokey, raising a brow.

"I cannot make someone fall in love with you or hurt themselves in any matter. Anything that a subject would not do otherwise with their own free will. Understand?"

What a crock of shit, Joseph thinks.

"Yes," Smokey croaks.

"Secondly, I cannot make something from nothing. The third rule is that no wish may change the natural order of life and death and bring one who is dead back to life, nor can I cause one's death."

"Yeah, I got it," Smokey interjects with an audible gulp. “Free will.”

[gravitywhatgravity]

Hello! I have a potential prompt? :D Jason and Dick trying to enjoy their date night but every time they have one, some villain (or family) ruins it!

Thank you so much for this prompt! You can read it below or on my AO3 page, which also under the name gravitywhatgravity, here:

 http://archiveofourown.org/works/11370873

Sometimes, there are things in life that make you want to say fuck it. Not the inconveniences that make you momentarily question your decision to get up and attempt to live some semblance of an ordinarily and achieved life, or that weird moment when you someone say something so fucking stupid that you genuinely contemplate shooting yourself.

No, this was the kind of shit that made you seriously consider the idea that the whole of your life was actually a giant set up, all building up to this moment of complete ‘What The Fuck?’-ness.

Because, really, Jason died. He died and came back. And you’d think, hey, maybe that was the climax of shit things that can happen in a person’s existence.

Then Tim fucking Drake decided to pull up a seat and interrupt Jason and Dick’s date.

“I get that it’s his job, but really, who does he think he is?” Drake was blatantly eating Dick’s starter at this point. If Tim touched Jason’s food he’d be stabbed with a fancy fork, but Dick mostly seemed amused. It was a classy place, with low mood lighting and the kind of price tags that made the crime alley kid in Jason cry a little. Tim continued both eating and speaking, “Sure, I can’t expect him know about my other activities, but running a company is difficult and…”

Neither Dick nor Jason were paying much attention, but that didn’t seem to make much difference to Tim. Jason wondered if this what a mental breakdown looked like now. He supposed it was an improvement on trying to clone your dead best friend. Then, anything was an improvement on trying to clone your dead best friend.

“Tim,” Dick said, cutting into what he was sure was a very interesting and informative rant about the real world applications of statistical modelling, and how somehow Tim’s professor was wrong about all of them. “Little brother, what exactly are you doing here?”

Tim blinked like he’d forgotten Dick was even there. “Oh. Remember when Steph caught the Mad Hatter a couple of weeks ago-“ Jason didn’t, but that could be because Tim’s ‘a couple of weeks’ meant anything from ‘literally two weeks ago’ to ‘possibly five plus years ago’, “-well it’s finally been passed through legally. She wanted to celebrate.”

“Like a date?” Dick wiggled his eyebrows.

Tim turned bright red. Usually, Jason would be all over that. While dating Dick should have pretty firmly shoved Tim out of the brother category, the fact that he was dating Dick mostly just meant that he’d been dragged into Bruce’s sad excuse for a family in a different way. Jason had kind of assumed that Tim was privy to that, but from the looks of things he might have overestimated Tim’s deductive skills in a social situation.

“No! Like two very platonic friends who can continue to be friends despite a failed relationship-“

“Talking about me?” said Stephanie, stood behind a very startled and spluttering Tim. “Not gonna lie, I didn’t expect this to be a double date. Not that I don’t appreciate your company.” She winked at Jason and Dick.

“Yeah, neither did we.” Jason said, a little sharply. So he wanted to spend some time with his… whatever Dick was. Sue him. Dick was shooting him the kind of look that was usually reserved for nights when Jason got a little too close to permanently ending someone’s criminal career. Jason shoved down the little bit of hurt curling in his stomach at Dick’s desire to leave Tim in the dark regarding their relationship.

Unsurprisingly this didn’t seem to end Tim’s general state of confusion.

“I- Oh. Sorry? But you’re not-“

“World’s greatest detective my ass,” Stephanie grabbed Tim, presumably to leave Jason and Dick in peace. Of course that was too much to ask.

“Hey, you don’t have to do that,” Dick said. “Tell me about this case.”

Steph gave him a strange look, then slowly pulled up a chair and sat down. It was cramped for the four of them; Stephanie narrowly avoided elbowing Jason’s Moules à la marinière off the table. Tim still seemed kind of confused about the whole situation, as if it had just occurred to him that yeah, maybe Dick and Jason were at the romantic restaurant for the same reason as Tim and Steph.

Dick was ignoring Jason in favour of pulling Stephanie into a conversation that had quickly progressed to discussion of the top five best places to get food at 3am. There was this weird feeling in his stomach, like someone and pushed their hand through the lining of his stomach to rearrange his internal organs. Not quite a pain, just a feeling of overwhelming off-ness. Suddenly his food didn’t look quite so appetising.

“Hey,” Tim was looking up at Jason, “I didn’t mean to interrupt. If you want me to go-“

“No, its fine,” Jason glanced over at Dick, who was still engrossed in conversation. Suddenly the room felt just a little too small. “I’m just going to go-“ he stood up and gestured to the door “-get some fresh air.”

He caught a concerned look on Dick’s face and tried to placate him with a smile, though in all likelihood it probably looked more like a grimace. Jason tried to slow his reflexive run as he left the building.

“Jason!” Dick called. He knew Jason, knew that sometimes things spooked him. He’d learnt the hard way that the best thing to do when Jason was hurting was to let him have his space. But the longer he waited, the more nervous Dick had got. He’d left Stephanie and Tim with a quick apology and rushed out the door.

“Jesus, Dick. I’m here. Calm down,” Jason was stood around the corner of the restaurant. He stunk of smoke, which was the kind of thing that Dick usually would have complained about if he wasn’t so worried. Dick pretty much launched at Jason, pulling him into a hug. His skin was cold to the touch.

“Hey,” Jason said, rubbing his hand on Dick’s back. “You didn’t have to come out here.”

Dick jerked away. “Sorry, I should have let you be alone-“

“What? No, it’s fine. If you want to spend time with Tim and Steph then that's your choice.”

Dick’s eyes widened. The pieces were slotting into place. “Jason, if you didn’t want Tim and Stephanie there you could have said something.”

Well, Dick thought so. Tim and Stephanie were important to him, sure. Then, so was Jason. And this was supposed to be their night together, for the first time in a while. Sure, they’d planned to spend time together, but vigilantism was pretty time consuming. Dick got a strange sinking feeling as he watched the anger rise in Jason’s face.

“Oh, so I’m just supposed to tell them to fuck off? After you invited them to our table? Of course you did, why wouldn’t you-“

“Jason, I-“

“-think any different? The big bad Red Hood already tried to kill the kid, why wouldn’t I stop him seeing his brother, too? Of course-“

“-didn’t mean to offend you, okay? I thought you’d be okay with us spending time together, but maybe-“

“-you’d expect that of me. Of course you wouldn’t want them to know -“

"-this wasn't such a good idea, maybe-"

"-about us. I shouldn't expected that you-"

“Maybe we should break up.”

“I…What?” They’d been getting progressively louder, but in the silence Dick could hear Jason sucking in shaky breaths. “Dick, I didn’t mean-“

“It’s fine,” Dick said, though he looked anything but fine, “I just... this isn’t going to work.”

Jason looked… Jason looked broken. Dick turned away, but the image of Jason’s face, wide eyes and mouth, was burned into his brain.

“Dick…If this what you want, then I won’t stop you,” Jason said, the words sounding painful. Dick squeezed his eyes shut. It was incredible, really, how this could go so horrible wrong so quickly. A few weeks of acting like they had a chance, like making plans they couldn’t keep and a few coy phone calls would really constitute a relationship. Dick hadn't expected it to last, but he’d honestly thought they could make it a little longer.

Still, knowing Jason doubtlessly blamed himself was heartbreaking.

“This isn’t your fault,” Jason snorted, and Dick made a frustrated noise in response, “I’m not good for you, okay? I can’t- I should have known something was up. Hell, Tim knew something was up. I can’t just expect you to sit through my shit without complaining, without wanting more than me.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jason murmured, pulling Dick into his arms, “We had a misunderstanding, okay? Calm down, sweetheart.” Dick was shaking a little. Jason held him tighter and prayed he wasn’t making it worse.

“If you want this to be over it’s done, okay? No questions asked. But… if you’re just trying to protect me, let me tell you, the only thing you could do to hurt me is leave.” Dick still had his face buried in Jason’s neck. “Wait, no, I mean you can still leave. It’s not like I can’t cope. I mean, I’d be sad but that shouldn’t mean you stay just for me, I… Dick, I’m trying to be serious, okay. Laughing isn’t helping.”

Dick pulled away a little, giggling. Even with tears in his eyes he was still the most beautiful person Jason had ever seen. “Sorry! Really, that was a great speech you had there, really well thought out.”

“Yeah, yeah, catch me trying to be nice to you-“ Jason very suddenly found his mouth occupied with Dick’s mouth. Not that he was complaining.

Dick pulled away, pressing his forehead to Jason’s. He licked lips, and God, it was crazy that Jason had never noticed before, how pretty Dick was with his lips all shiny with spit. No, that was wrong, he’d always noticed. The real question was how he resisted. Even now, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and pressing his thumb to Dick’s bottom lip, watching as his pupils dilated, eyes all big and pretty.

“Who hurt you, sweetheart?” Part of Jason regretted it, watching those gorgeous expression slide off of Dick’s face, but he needed to know.

“No one,” Dick said, not meeting his eyes, “Really. I don’t have any excuse for being like this, not really.” A flash of anger burned in Jason, big and bright and short-lived. He had a pretty good idea who had given Dick the idea that all of his relationships were doomed. Either way, arguing about it wouldn’t help.

Jason kissed Dick again, desperate to get that awful look off his face. “That’s fine, okay? We don’t need a fight to know I’m a little fucked up. We’re gonna be fine,” Jason pressed his lips to Dick’s forehead. They stood there for a moment, just breathing. But Jason wasn’t that much taller than Dick, and his neck was probably going to start hurting soon, and Dick was going to remember that he’d left Stephanie and Tim at their table, and they were probably a little worried that both Dick and Jason had left in a hurry to shout in the car park of a fancy restaurant.

They’d have to go back inside, and probably give Stephanie and Tim an explanation that wouldn’t leave them feeling guilty. Plus there was the matter of the really expensive food that had probably been devoured by now. They could order some more food, maybe sit down with Steph and Tim and order a hugely expensive sharing platter.

But for now, they had a moment.