#look me using bird calls in owl song was deliberate

[ghost-bxrd]

Suffering from jet lag and trying to sleep.

But at least I can finally hear the owls outside my window again 🦉💚

[ajokeformur-ray]

~ Self-shipping ask game: Dracika🦇🩸 // Ashika🪓💙 ~

I asked @mutatedcrocuta​ for permission to use her self-ship questions and she very graciously agreed! Thank youuuu ~ 💜💜💜

Overall word count: 7, 664.

Dracula x Erika (Dracika) 🖤🩸🖤

Word count: 3, 179.

Date you got together? We met in September but we didn’t get together until November 14th 2020. I was scared of him until the middle of October and then it took some more time after that for me to work out what I wanted between the two of us. Dracula somehow knew what was going to happen and whenever I asked him to tell me, he would just smirk at me. He never said anything and he waited for me to make my own decisions on everything. Once I realised what I wanted, neither of us really... announced the relationship. It was just a... shall we try this? vibe which we both agreed to and we have yet to change our minds!

Favourite personality trait? His courage. My sweet vampire was terrified for 500 years about something which was never a threat to him in the first place. He spent all that time alone and afraid for no reason because he was always too afraid to test the things he thought he knew. I really admire his bravery, and as someone who’s scared of something very similar, I find that I can be just a little braver in my own fear, knowing that Dracula understands me on that basic level. Our fear brought us together and through that, we found love. He’s afraid of the light and I’m afraid of the dark and I don’t know about you, but that says “soulmates” to me!🥰💗

Favourite physical trait? Ohhhhh.... his eyes. His beautiful eyes which are so dark they’re like black coffee. Onyx, perhaps. They can be so soft when he’s talking to someone or they can be cold and calculating. When he smiles, they melt into pools of warm chocolate and I similarly melt when I look into his eyes. I also love that damned smirk. When he knows he’s five steps ahead of everyone in the room or when he suspects something which later turns out to be true... his smirk makes me feel weak in the knees even when I’m sitting down.

Couple song We don’t have a couple song. There’s not really... anything out there which I’ve found to resonate with the both of us. Like A Vampire by Catrien Maxwell is one I listen to when I want his attention, though, and it works like a charm! “So how does a vampire love, Erika?” was what Dracula said the first time I played it around him. I said, “I don’t know... why don’t you show me?” and... I’ll let his display be up to your imagination.😉

Pet peeves... Mine is when he feeds off someone. And leaves them to bleed out. On the floor. Like??? I just cleaned the carpet out from the last person who bled all over the floor. It’s irritating. Just like when he then flashes me that smirk and he’s got blood all over his chin, lips and lower part of his face like??? That’s your food, close your damn mouth. Are you five hundred or just five? 😂 I find it funny but also annoying; depends on my mood. Will I clean his face off, though, and leave a tender kiss on the tip of his nose? Oh, yeah! My vampire deserves love.🥺

Dracula’s is how jumpy I am. It irritates him to no end. He has long since stopped saying, “sorry, didn’t mean to startle you” and now I tend to get either an eye roll, a patient smirk or a, “you knew I was there, Erika”. It depends on his  mood, but the one time he genuinely made me scared and it upset me, he was quick to apologise to me and he learned very quickly how to avoid doing that in the future. We’ve had to learn many a thing from each other in a short amount of time for things between us to be able to work.

Favourite outfit on them?

Picture source

He just looks... so warm and inviting but also so dangerous. There’s an obvious wall between himself and everyone else and I love the way he carries himself! It makes me want to sit on his lap, curl up and go to sleep asdfghjk🥺 and that hair.... the urge to mess it up is strong skkssk😂 I value my life, though, so I won’t... yet.😏 Dracula’s appearance is just so safe to me and he makes me smile just to see him, no matter what he’s wearing.

Favourite meal? Blood, obviously. Dracula has never drank from me. I’ve said he can many a time but “No. Not that. Not to you. You’re... too special a flavour, Erika. I wouldn’t dare to sample it. You’re exquisite.” is all I get every time I offer myself up to him. Maybe one day he’ll agree but for now, he’s more than happy to continue feeding off others. He’s careful with what he eats. I’m not, though, which may be why he won’t feed off me.😂

Early bird or night owl? Dracula’s nocturnal so our days and nights are reversed. As I get into bed, my darling vampire is just waking up. This means that I get goodnight cuddles and he gets good morning cuddles at the same time! It works well for us both and if I’m very lucky (or just really clingy or upset), he’ll stay with me for a little longer and eat into his day! He says “I love you” in his own ways and I’ve learned to hear them.

Snorer or sleep talker? Dracula doesn’t do either of these. If I get into bed too roughly and jostle him, he’ll hiss in his sleep but that’s about it. Me, on the other hand? Certified chainsaw snorer!😂

Do you have any pets together? We don’t! Dracula feeds off animals when there’s no humans around and my worst fear is coming downstairs in the morning to find that he’s fed on my animals in the night because his baser instincts took over and he couldn’t stop himself. I would never forgive him or myself if that happened, so no pets!

Pet names! (Both from them and yours for them)

I call him: Drac, Draccy, Draccy boi (he hates this one so I only do it when I’m deliberately trying to wind him up because those fangs, I - 🥵), my Drac, my vampire, my sweet vampire... my love, honey, Dracula if He’s In Trouble! 

He calls me: luna bella (beautiful moon), my dear, my love, Erika if I’m In Trouble. Dracula’s not really one for pet names. He says what he says and that’s it. 

How often do you fight? Never. We don’t ever fight. If there’s ever a line I’m about to cross, he will say my name very calmly and very quietly and the chill which runs up my spine is enough to keep me from crossing that line. With Dracula, he knows that if I ignore him, he’s close to crossing a line. We have warnings for each other, and that’s it. No fights. I can’t handle it and Dracula’s too old for that.

What starts fights? We don’t fight as I said, but those lines... for Dracula, those lines are insisting he drinks from me and refusing to back down on it (I did it once, in the early days, before I understood who he was properly), or when I won’t take care of myself in the way he thinks I should be. It’ll get me full-named with his chin dipped so that the shadows around him emphasise the lines of his face, and I’ll shiver and I’ll know I’m in trouble... so I’ll rectify it in the ways I know he wants me to, and then a hand will be laid on my shoulder so I know all’s forgiven. All it takes is my name spoken in a certain tone and he’s got me in the palm of his hand. But I’m safe, even then.

For me, I don’t have many lines at all but one of them is when I come home in the middle of the day or when I wake up and just walking through the house and then I trip over a body. Like, for fuck’s sake, Drac, do your dishes.😂 I don’t make a big deal out of it usually but once there were five or six bodies in one room because he’d gorged himself and I got pissed off because they were in my way and obviously I couldn’t get rid of them myself. So when he greeted me that morning I said nothing to him and I continued to say nothing until he’d gotten rid of his victims. He never sees what the big deal is, but I do.

We may not fight but we definitely have our differences!

Who apologizes first? We each apologise when we need to. If Drac crossed a line, he’ll apologise first. If I crossed a line, I’ll apologise first. It depends on who was in the wrong. Sometimes Dracula will give me a certain look and I’ll just instinctively say ‘sorry’. He doesn’t necessarily understand these moments, though, and he’ll ask me why I apologised and I’ll just say that I felt like I needed to because of the look he gave me. Dracula will frown but then he’ll crook a finger at me and I’ll be brought in for a hug. “You silly little thing. You never have to apologise to me. Not for anything. Do you understand?” and I try. I really do try.

Big spoon or little spoon? Dracula’s always the big spoon. If his back is to the door when I come to bed (he’s just waking up), then he will turn so that he’s spooning me because I sleep facing the door so I can see the room around me. Even with my lamp, I’m still wary and scared. I tried to have Drac as the little spoon once and within minutes we switched positions because he couldn’t stop chuckling at the seven inch height difference. I just... get to melt into him and he protects me. No harm will come to me when Dracula’s there and he loves the way he can fold me into him and keep me safe.

Dom or sub? Dracula’s the dom, definitely. The power he has is obvious and we’ll never truly be equal, not really... I mean, he’s five hundred years old and I’m twenty-three... I’ve been alive for the blink of an eye compared to his lengthy existence. I am definitely my own person and I have my own life but there’s an equality imbalance which we’re both aware of. He never plays on it, though. I trust him to not ever do that to me, and Dracula respects me too much for that. Other people are fair game in his eyes, but me? I’m his so that means I’m always under his protection.

What are their kisses like? “The kiss of a vampire is an opiate” as Drac states in episode two. So he can take me anywhere with just one kiss. He can make me feel sleepy, awake, aroused, in control... scared... He can make me feel anything when he kiss and most times he makes me feel relaxed, safe and he makes me feel his love for me. If I have trouble sleeping or if I’ve had a nightmare, he’ll kiss me and the next thing I know it’s morning and I slept solidly. During the times I doubt our relationship, he will kiss me and I feel all of his love for me. His kisses are fire but it’s... like basking in the sunlight. It’s passion, it’s love, it’s security... he kisses me like I’m the only one for him, like I’m the only one who’s ever gotten so close to him. He kisses me like he’ll die if he doesn’t and yet he’s in control the entire time. Whenever he pulls away from me, there’s a smirk on his face and the hands on my waist aren’t just to keep me close, but to hold me up, too... on some occasions he’s had to scoop me up to sit me down somewhere because I’ve gotten lost in the state he put me in. 

What do they smell like? Ohhh... he smells like... Dracula. That’s so cliché, but his name is as good a descriptor as any. He smells like cedarwood, like spiced pear and there’s a metallic tang about him... blood. He smells dark and foreboding, but also safe. I would know his scent anywhere. Sometimes when I’m off doing my own thing during the day, I suddenly catch a scent on the wind and I know he’s with me. 

What are their hugs like? To begin with, I hugged Dracula. I was never held back. I never received one from him. If I wanted one, I had to start it and I would have to finish it, too. He would just stand there and endure it. But then one day I dropped a knife and it landed on my foot and somehow I avoided stabbing myself. I wasn’t injured but Dracula scooped me up and carried me away from the knife... but he didn’t put me down right away. He stood there and he held me in his arms like I was precious cargo (I was, I know now), and when he set me down, he said that he liked “this thing you mortals call a hug” and now when he hugs me it’s with everything he has in that moment. He almost folds himself in half and his scent becomes all I can smell. He doesn’t breathe and he’s got no heartbeat so it’s quiet and it’s still and it’s warm... most often I become sleepy when he hugs me because I just relax. It’s like magic.

Who is more protective? We protect each other. In the day time, I protect him and in the night time, he protects me. We fear opposite ends of the same thing and there’s a lot of understanding and compassion in that. We’re equally protective of each other. In the day, I keep curtains closed especially if it’s sunny outside, I make sure that Dracula has places he can go and I make sure that he has food if he needs it. If anyone dares to disturb his peace within our home, I will step in. Curtains stay shut. Rooms are safe. And then at night... lights are turned on. Shadows are eliminated and Dracula stays close by. We give a part of our days to each other and in this way do we stay close to one emotionally. In our fears are we equal and through this, we found love.

Interested in children? To Dracula, “talk of children sounds like a miracle” but I would rather eat my own foot, toenails included, than have kids and he knows it.

Who needs the most TLC when sick? If either of us gets sick, then the other person gives them every amount of care which we can. Dracula only gets sick if he consumes blood which isn’t good; if someone’s dying or if they’re sick, then he gets sick. It’s very rare but he’ll expel it from his body all at once and then collapse. I clean his face, get him somewhere he can rest, and i stay by his side until he wakes up hours later. I hate it when he gets ill and thankfully it’s very rare because of how carefully he picks his food. When I get sick, which is also rare because, despite having an autoimmune disease I have a very strong immune system (yeah, I can’t work that out either), Dracula’s almost overbearing. He gets me everything I need and he is everything I need until I get better and he stays by my side through it all. Dracula and I do everything we can for each other at all times. It’s a part of our love language.

Who says ‘I love you’ first? This was also me. Dracula knew the entire time, from the day we met, what would happen between us, but he never said anything. He just... he waited. He waited for my nightmares to stop, he waited for me to approach him with increasing frequency, he waited for me to be brave enough to approach him... Dracula waited. About two months after we first met, I realised that I loved him. I invited him into my bed for the first time that night and I asked him to cuddle with me and he chuckled at me. He came into my bed, “well, this is a surprise.” and I grinned because... just wait ‘til I said what I wanted to say. So I did... I told him. He froze and then his entire body relaxed. He said, “finally.” and that was that.

Which of you is more accident prone? Definitely me!!!! I have a shitty centre of balance and honestly a lack of self-preservation so I’m constantly bumping into tables, walking into doors, tripping up or down the stairs... Dracula usually just laughs or smirks or otherwise ignores me because he’s so used to it but very occasionally I’ll actually do something which may well hurt me, and he will catch me with a shake of his head. “Careful, Erika. I won’t always be around to catch you, hm?” He’s lying. He will be. 

Bed hog? Also me! Dracula tends to just lay on his back with his arms by his sides and if there’s not enough room for me beside him, I will lay on top of him and he won’t be able to move me. I sleep like the dead and I wake like them, too. As I go to bed, he’s just waking up so he usually ends up getting up later than he planned to because he had to coax himself out from underneath me.😂 I don’t make it easy on him, and why should I? I want my cuddles and I’ll get them whether he likes it or not. He does, though, he loves the way I love him, and he just pretends he doesn’t because he doesn’t like to admit his own heart. But I can sense it - his love language is a loud one and I quickly became proficient in speaking it.

Who loves the other the most? Me. Without a doubt, I love Dracula far more than he could ever love me. I’ve never been able to work out why he’s with me but I suppose it’s because we’re safe and understood in our fears by the other person and we’re teaching each other to be brave. He is capable of love, I know he is, but I think Dracula’s beyond that. When he loves, it’s beyond description or any kind of labels mortals could come up with. He’s fond of me, incredibly so, and I think that’s as far as it goes. That’s okay, though! It means the world to even know him.

Ash Williams x Erika (Ashika)🪓💙

I’ve used a GIF of young!Ash (mid-twenties) and then a GIF of Ash in 2015 (57-ish) because Bruce Campbell’s aged like a fine wine and omgggg ~ 🥵🥵 I just love him (Ash and Bruce lmao)🧡. 

Word count: 4, 485.

Date you got together? Ash is my newest F/O even though I’ve known him since I was about eleven. We got together on the 10th December 2020. I was watching season two of the TV series and it just slammed into me how badly I wanted to protect him and how much I wanted to love him and give him the life he should have had. I asked Ash “how about it?” and he quirked an eyebrow and said, “let’s go”.🥰💗 I’ve known him for such a long time and I’ve always thought that there was more to him than I was able to understand when I was so young but I’m in a place now where I’m able to better understand him and I’m excited to dive into him and see where we go! I wish I could be with Ash for his whole life; from when he first goes to the cabin, helping him with the trauma after, then everything in the next thirty years and beyond. I love my Ashy🥺💖

Favourite personality trait? I looooooove ~ Ash’s “shoot first think never” motto. It’s his entire mentality and it means to just do it, to be in the moment. It’s also a literal motto, as in to shoot Deadites without thinking about it, but I appreciate the deeper meaning of it, too. I also love his courage and his bravery. He never wanted to be a Deadite killer, he never wanted to have to fight them for the rest of his life, but he does it and it’s honestly the only thing he’s good at. He’s shit at everything except fighting evil and he gives it his all and I love that about him. Ash really inspires me in a lot of ways. He thinks that’s ridiculous but that’s his tough-guy exterior. I know that he’s touched and just doesn’t know how to say it. So he’ll show me, instead, and if I’m not paying attention then I’ll miss it. he has a quiet and subtle love language and I’m quickly learning to speak it.

Favourite physical trait? Can I just say his everything??? I love everything about Ash🥺🥺🥺🥺 I do have a soft spot for his chainsaw hand, though. The noise it makes when he fires it up makes me smile; it’s so familiar to me. I like to kiss the stump of his hand when it’s just the two of us in his trailer; he went through literal hell and the strength it must have taken, physically and otherwise, to saw off his own hand is just... I could never be that brave. I try to be as gentle with him as I can be and I like to love on the parts of him no one else sees because I’m the only one to see them. There’s nothing about Ash I don’t love. Keep this last sentence in mind when you read the pet peeves section!

Couple song Back In Black by ACϟDC ... he plays this song in the Delta and we jam out together. It’s a light-hearted and simple moment between the two of us and let’s be fair, nothing hits like 70/80s metal. He and I don’t really have a set song, we just... listen to whatever’s in his player and make light-hearted memories from that which will get us through the worst of everything. Sometimes I’ll just ask Ash to sing with no music playing. He’s tone deaf but the sound of his voice alone is more melodious and comforting to me than the songs he likes to play.

Pet peeves... 

Mine is that, honestly, Ash is kind of gross and I say that with so much love. He leaves his beer cans everywhere, he leaves his recreational baggies of drugs everywhere and there’s some questionably crusty socks on our floor which I am not picking up no matter how many times he waggles his eyebrows at me. He leaves dishes to pile high up in the sink and then asks me to do them for him “as a favour” while he’s at work (even though I have my own things to do🙄). He’s stuck in the 80s as far as his attitudes go and that does irritate me. He knows it and he thinks it’s hot when I get riled up... I’m 99% sure he says this stuff just to annoy me. I’ll do the dishes no matter what I say in the moment and he knows it. I can’t stand having food left out, especially in summer, and I have a phobia of sickness as well as health anxieties so whenever Ash comes home and I’ve already cleaned the kitchen part of the trailer, made our bed (and left those socks on the floor, thank you. I have limits to what I’ll do),  fed Eli and now I’m at the kitchen table studying or writing, Ash makes sure to say thank you. He feels bad about it because we both know he would have done the dishes if I hadn’t, but I have a guilt complex on top of my fears and if someone asks me to do something I’ll do it even if I don’t want to because I feel bad for saying no. 

“Ah, Erika, you didn’t have to do that, I was gonna do ‘em later on.”

“It’s fine, Ash, they’re done now.”

Ash will kiss the top of my head and then he’ll come and sit beside me, keeping me company while I do whatever I’m doing. I’ll get up automatically and crack him open a beer and I can see that Ash feels bad about the comments he made before he went to work, but he also knows that I would have gotten him a beer anyway. I want to take care of him and he’s been at work all day. In return, Ash will get up and make me a coffee even though I was also about to do that.

“Ash, you don’t need to - “

He’ll just give me a Look while he leans against the counter waiting for the kettle and I understand it’s his apology for what he said this morning (it’ll happen again tomorrow but that’s okay). Ash knows I really don’t mind doing the dishes, and I know that Ash never means for things to come across the way they can. The way I react to them is on me, not Ash. We do things for each other, it’s a part of our love language, and even though sometimes miscommunications like the above can happen, we still carry on with them because my traumas are mine and Ash’s are his and we work through them together.

Ash’s pet peeve is the way I put him before myself all the time. Sometimes he’ll come home and I’ve got a beer can ready in the fridge, dinner’s nearly done (he works late most days), the immediate chores are done and Ash will come in and I’m stressed out from all the work I’ve got to do because I took my time on stuff I did for him and left myself short. I say it’s fine but it’s not and we both know it. Ash will call me out every single time. 

“For god’s sake, Erika, you knew you had to do ___ today, why did’ya focus on me?” He genuinely doesn’t understand why I love him so much and it breaks my heart every single time. He’s had such a horrible life and I just want to soften those edges as best as I can and give him something else to fight for. Ash will sigh, crack open the beer, and then when dinner’s done, he does the dishes while I catch up on my work and even though he doesn’t understand any of what I’m doing, he’ll stay beside me and keep an arm around my shoulders or my waist and make his gratitude, appreciation and concern known.

Favourite outfit on them? His blue shirt/brown trousers combo. It’s the only thing he wears in the franchise and I adore it. I often ‘borrow’ (steal) his shirts to sleep in or otherwise relax in (I’m a baggy shirt and panties only girl) and Ash thinks it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. He’s 6′1 and I’m 5′7 so his shirts swim on me and I love that. So does Ash and it’s the quickest way to get him to... pay attention to me.😂

Favourite meal? Ash will eat anything. Usually tacos - he’d eat them every day of the week if I let him. With me having a wheat and gluten allergy and Ash not having any food allergies at all, the lucky bastard, it can be difficult but I always make Ash’s food first if it contains anything with wheat in it, and then I scrub the kitchen down and make my own. Ash says I should just make mine first and “I can worry about my own damn food”, but I consider that to be rude of me so I always do Ash’s first. It plays into the pet peeve thing and Ash is learning to just...let it go. 

Early bird or night owl? Poor Ash has been through so much trauma in his life that he suffers from PTSD and nightmares. He usually just gets high or blackout drunk (or both, on a really bad night) so that he can grab a few hours of sleep before his own screaming wakes him up. He sleeps when he can and usually just runs on naps around his shifts at S-Mart. He’s up all hours of the day and night and he just sleeps when he can. Ash isn’t an early bird or a night owl... he’s a permanently exhausted pigeon 😂 I’m a night owl, though, and most nights I’ll stay up with Ash for as long as I possibly can. Sometimes I fall asleep in his lap because I’m so tired and I’ll wake up a few hours later and Ash has draped his upper body over me so that I’m caged in and protected while he rests. That hurts his back, though, so I massage it for him when he wakes up because I really don’t wanna wake him up when he’s asleep unless I have to. When I do have to, it’s with lots of guilt and apologies because he sleeps so little as it is. If I could give Ash anything, it’d be the ability to truly sleep with ease. He deserves that at the very least.

Snorer or sleep talker? Ash is a sleep talker. He usually says stuff like, “no, come back”, “I didn’t mean to”, “please, come back - “ after a nightmare it’s usually with a scream or with the name of someone he’s lost on his lips and it’ll wake me up and I’ll do my best to soothe him. I’m a snorer, though. Ash did once rip his chainsaw to life while I was asleep because he was repairing the trailer outside and not only did I stay asleep (I sleep like the dead), but also he could hear me over his chainsaw. So I’m known as the Chainsaw Snorer and when he introduces me to people... that’s the name he uses.😂 Charming, isn’t he? In Elk Grove, Michigan, he’s known (horribly) as Ashy Slashy and it sounds quite fitting with Chainsaw Snorer...I’m not saying we’re meant for each other, buuuut ~ 🥺

Do you have any pets together? I help Ash out with his lizard, Eli, sometimes, but other than that; no pets! There’s not really room for them in the trailer and I have my hands full with Ash anyway.😂 

Pet names! (Both from them and yours for them)

Ash calls me anything - honey bunny (flirting), sweetcheeks (casual), hot piece of ass (that one gets him glared at and he’ll look away because he knows I don’t like being objectified. He’s only teasing but I still don’t like it), sweetheart (comfort), my delicious cookie (when he’s trying to wriggle out of doing the dishes. It makes us both cringe so I don’t know why he uses it), baby (comfort). My name is only used when he’s needing me or it’s Serious. It’s the quickest way to get my attention.

I don’t call Ash much - Ashy (comfort for either of us, depending on who needs it or when I miss him or when I’m super sleepy and therefore I have no filter). I’m unsure how he feels about Ashy because of how he’s known in his hometown but that’s why I call him “Ashy” - I took a name of fear and hate and turned it to love. He deserves that. Honey (casual), my love (casual), jefe (when we’re around Kelly and/or Pablo). I only call him Ashley (his full name) when I need him or it’s Serious. It’s the quickest way to get his attention.

How often do you fight? Rarely, if ever. Ash is very casual and chilled out about lots of things and he’ll just wave things off (though he’s quick to call out bullshit), and I can’t handle conflict of any kind at all. If tension is around, Ash will either go to work, the bar, or maybe even go for a drive in the Delta to give us both some space and I’ll shut myself in the bedroom and do some work. The trailer’s quite small so that can only add to the tension so most often we just go our separate ways until we’re calm enough to talk about anything which lingers. 

What starts fights? Not much. Tension usually arises after an encounter with some Deadites. If Ash got injured, then he needs to sit his ass down and let me tend to those injuries. I can be quite firm when I need to be, especially if I’m worried. Ash doesn’t get what the big deal is, he came home, didn’t he? But I’m so scared of losing him that that can show itself in anger even when I’m relieved that he’s home. It’s the same with Ash - he’s so scared of losing me. Literally everyone he’s ever loved has died right in front of him and he is terrified of losing me. I can and I will throw myself in his way so that I take a hit meant for Ash and nothing pisses him off faster. Both of us know that anger often hides pain, it’s a secondary emotion, so when this happens, we just... we patch each other up, we cuddle and we apologise and we comfort each other and the anger quickly dissipates into what it actually is: tender love and fear of losing each other. Once the anger’s out of the way, we can get to the “good stuff”, as Ash puts it.

Who apologizes first? It depends on who messed up.  It’s usually Ash, let’s be fair; he’s shit at everything except fighting Deadites and he’d be the first to tell you that. Most people’s apologies are followed by a “I won’t do it again” but this is Ash... he will do it again so apologies are almost redundant. Even so, he’ll say he’s sorry and then he’ll make up for it... letting me hold Eli or cuddling me while we watch some crappy TV together... Once, I messed up hugely by getting myself severely injured after a Deadite encounter and I bought Ash a new TV with all the premium channels - something he once asked a demon for. I also apologised with words and Ash was more than willing to forget it all! He did, however, finally teach me how to use weapons after that point and the both of us worked to help each other out a bit more.

Big spoon or little spoon? Ash’s tough guy exterior demands that he is the big spoon but he doesn’t actually like being the big spoon unless he can take the position into NSFW territory (he calls it “getting down to business”). He usually just wiggles against me, as if he can’t get comfortable, until I get the hint and turn around so that he is the little spoon... and then he melts. He buries his face either in the crook of my neck or my chest (he’s after my heartbeat) and I’ll stroke his hair and if we’re very lucky... Ash will actually go to sleep. Ash is always the little spoon; them’s the rules! If I need comforting or if I can’t sleep etc. then Ash will be the big spoon, but mostly he prefers to be the little one. I love the way I can then literally watch over him and protect him, though, so it works out well for us both!

Dom or sub? Ash and I typically assume whatever role we need to. Sometimes Ash is more in control and sometimes I am. We usually feed off the other person to work out what they need. On the days we both need comfort, then we switch and take care of each other in order to take care of ourselves. We live for each other🥺💗 Generally speaking, Ash is the dom, if only because he’s literally double my age and that’s just the dynamic we fell into.

What are their kisses like? Ash kisses me like it’s the first and the last time he’s ever going to get to kiss me. Any moment he could die, at any moment there could be a Deadite, any moment could something take me away from him and he truly fears losing the people he loves because that’s all he’s ever known. I always know when my Ashy is going to kiss me because he’ll get this... darker look in his eyes and he’ll grab me either by my waist or my shoulders and I’ll get tugged into him. He almost slams his lips into mine and then it softens into tenderness and reverence. His kisses are either slow and he takes his time or they’re fast and rushed because shit, he’s late for work but he can’t pull himself away... No matter where his hands start, they will finish on my face as he holds me to him. I am always left feeling dazed. No one kisses me like Ash.

What do they smell like? In the show Ash wears Pinaud Clubman, which is described as

It makes me feel so safe, though the metallic tang of blood which is practically soaked into Ash’s clothes, even when they’re clean, almost ruins that sense of familiarity and safety. Almost. If Ash is at work or if he’s out with Kelly and Pablo, then I might use some of it and ‘borrow’ one of his shirts just to feel him near me. I’m not saying I’m clingy, but... I do need to have some part of Ash with me during those long periods he’s not there, just to comfort myself and keep me focused on what I’m doing. I also have my own shirt which I bought which looks like Ash; though I rarely wear that now that I know I could have just... asked Ash for one of his shirts🥺

What are their hugs like? Ash hugs the way he kisses... like it’s the first and last time all at once. I don’t ever have to worry that I’m annoying Ash with how often I want to be hugged or held because he melts every single time. He’s touch starved and in a lot of ways so am I. When Ash and I hug we cease to be Erika and Ash. We just become this... human mesh where limbs and such are entangled and you can’t really tell who’s who. Ash is four inches taller than me so I disappear into him, especially if he rests his head on my shoulder, and we clutch each other like we’ll die if we let go. Ash does sometimes feel that way because his fears come straight up to the surface and I’ll stroke his hair and tell him that I’m there, I’m okay and I’m safe and so is he. Ash’s hugs centre me and they remind me of where I am and what I’m doing and Ash never pulls away first. Even if he hugs me first, he won’t let me go until I step away. Truthfully, we both find it hard to step away and sometimes we can stand there for up to thirty minutes, taking and giving comfort and love in equal measures. With one arm around my shoulders and one around my waist, Ash holds me to him. I always have my arms around his middle and my fingers will be knotted into his blue shirts. When we pull away, the middle of Ash’s shirt will be creased; it makes me miss him all the more. He’s been late to work on many an occasion because we both know that this hug could very well be the last and we want to make it count.

Who is more protective? This depends on the situation. 

In general life and if there are Deadites involved, then Ash is the most protective person. To the extent where it’s almost overwhelming. If I go to the bathroom when there’s whispers of Deadites then Ash will literally stand outside the door or, at least, close by, and every thirty seconds or so I’ll hear him asking if I’m all right. I more than understand his concern though so I treat every check-up seriously. It means the world to me to be so important to him. 

In Elk’s Grove, Michigan, when there are whispers of Ashy Slashy and of how he went mad and killed all his friends at the cabin back in 1983, I’m the protective one. I can and I will go head to head with people to put them right about my Ash. I don’t like conflict and I avoid confrontation like the plague, but for one of my loved ones??? Hold my coffee. Ash finds it really hot and that tough guy exterior comes out because Ash doesn’t know how else to handle the situation, but then when it’s just he and I back in the trailer or the Delta, his brown eyes soften and my Ash will thank me with a tight hug, whispers of love and a kiss so powerful I forget why he was kissing me in the first place.

Interested in children? Nope. I’d rather eat my own foot and Ash just... doesn’t want to. He does have a daughter, Brandi, from another relationship and I’m friends with her (she’s seventeen by the time he meets her for the first time), but beyond that, kids are a no-go!

Who needs the most TLC when sick? Both Ash and I work through our sicknesses by ourselves and we don’t bring all that much attention to it, but Ash is, as I’ve said, so scared of losing anyone he loves that when I get sick he almost buys out S-Mart’s pharmaceutical section. He’s almost overbearing when I get sick but the joke’s on him because I get my ‘revenge’ when he inevitably gets sick, too - the dumbass still kisses me when I’m ill so as I recover, he’s coming down with it.😂 I love my slasher himbo so much...

Who says ‘I love you’ first? Ash said it first. We were driving in the Delta to go back to the trailer and he had a cut on his cheek. He had taped it up with duct tape but I had some antiseptic wipes in my bag so I was attempting to patch him up on the way home and Ash just said he loved me without taking his eyes off the road. I said it back without even thinking about it and then Ash almost got us into a crash because he took his eyes off the road to stare at me. Luckily the other car honked just in time before Ash had to slam down on the brakes or his injury would have been so much worse. 😂 In day to day life, either of us will say it first and the other always says it back. Any time could be the last time and we’re both painfully aware of that fact, though Ash knows it far more than I do for obvious reasons .I get upset if an “I love you” isn’t returned because it can lead to insecurities and tears and Ash... likes to avoid waterworks because he never knows what to do.

Which of you is more accident prone? Ashhhhh ~ without a doubt! He’s forever coming back to the trailer with cuts, scrapes, bruises...even just at work in the housewares department, if there’s a way for him to injure himself then he’ll do it. Not on purpose, mind, but he’s as much of a klutz as I am and evil follows him wherever he goes. Many a time I’ve patched him up (sometimes he doesn’t even realise he’s got an injury because he’s so used to being covered in blood and gore) and then discovered one of my own and Ash has patched me up to return the gesture. I guess you could say we put each other’s broken pieces back together, though of course there’s nothing to be romanticised about falling apart.

Bed hog? I had to think about this one, but considering Ash rarely actually sleeps, I’d say it’s me. I once managed to fall out of a Queen sized bed because I rolled over too far. I’d been lying in the middle and I have yet to work out how I fell out. But I digress. If there’s a way for me to take up all the space in a bed, then I will whether I intend to or not. Ash usually just... climbs over me if he wants to get into bed or if he wants to get out of bed. I sleep and wake like the dead so he won’t wake me unless he actually wants to wake me. If Ash can’t move me then he’ll just lay on top of me and that soothes him to sleep quite quickly... funny how these things work themselves out...😉

Who loves the other the most? I’d say we’re pretty equal in this one, tbh. Ash has lots of fears which stem around losing someone he loves (again) and that can mean that he shows his love for me almost desperately in some ways, and nothing scares me more than my loved ones feel unloved by me, so in that way I’m quite an intense person, too. We both make sure the other person knows they are loved every second we can and that’s probably why we’ll be a couple which lasts through the ages.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Maou-jou 1 | Munou na Nana 1 | Grace of the Gods 1 | IWGP 1 | Akudama 1 | Crusade 1 | JJK 1 | HypMic 2 (also brief thoughts on the dog and cat TV short because I had them)

Maou-jou 1

I sampled this manga with what’s called a “Viz sampler”. I only ever seem to find those at libraries, so I’d assume only they and bookstores can get those.

…Twilight looks like Maou Sadao (Hataraku Maou-sama!).

“Dawner”??? I can read katakana, ya idjits. His name is Akatsuki. Update: The translator must’ve gone, “Dawn is a girl’s name. Let’s tack on an -er so it looks like a guy’s name.”

Aw, Hiro Shimono is Akatsuki. If it were Yoshitsugu Matsuoka, we could’ve gotten a Kirito joke out of it.

Oh! 快眠 (Kaimin) = good rest, literally “happy sleep”. Hence this is the nation of Goodreste. I see.

The lightning effect is soooooooooo cool! *eyes glitter at the particle effects*

I’m gonna die from cuteness from all the teddies and seals!

The little fanfare is so cute and the yokudekimashita reminds me of my days playing the arcade game Bomberman (which had a flower sticker much like this one). I wanna see this get a dub and succeed on all its merits! It’s basically my baby already…bar the fact it took a bit to work up to the first good bit of comedy.

The teddy demons are called Debiakuma, a pun on kuma (bear), devil and akuma (devil). Lessee…After “lesser demon”, there’s more text…“Fluffy bears that can be also used as pets. They give in easily to temptation. A lot of them live in the demon castle, so the princess likes to gather their fur, dye it and spin nice cotton out of it. Warning: A lot of them will either run away or call you their friend./Occasionally act as friends for the princess.”

LOL, I recognised that voice of the Scissors guy straight away…although I didn’t know who it belonged to. That’s Suwabe. (It doesn’t sound like Suwabe, I would’ve thought it to be Takuma Terashima or something.)

Aw, the Japanese version is more boring this time. It’s just Scissor Magician (in the singular for both).

*hears Scissors Demon going -ageruwa”, which is a feminine sentence ending…that’s Suwabe trying to (voice) act effeminate???!!!

These trumpet sounds never get old.

LOL, Siberian huskies dressed as Russians…

Okay, my turn again: Hari means needle, toge means thorn. Next to “His stomach is soft”, part of the subs are cut off due to Funimation’s hardsubs, but I can read “he is proud of his defence” on the 2nd line, “is the type to not refuse when relied on” on the 2nd-last line and “his favourite food is strange bird chawanmushi” on the last line.

I love how parts of the castle are upside down for no reason at all except to look cool…architects must hate that, though.

I hadn’t heard of “seesaw battles” until now. but the metaphor does make sense...kind of.

What about changing the mattress? Update: She does do that…kind of.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Kirito was under my nose all along! Damn Demon Kinggggggggggggggggggg!

Kamina glasses on one of the background trees! Cute tapir! Ahhhhhhhh, it’s so cuteeeeeeee!

Anyways, that’s a fun show. Not as fun as HypMic, but still fun after it gains momentum.

Munou na Nana 1

I remember seeing spoilers for a twist at the end…let’s hope I don’t anticipate it. That would kill the entire anime for me.

The message actually says something about how the island is a nest for enemies of humanity.

There’s the ice narcissist I saw in the promo stuff, right on cue. I’ve never heard of his voice actor Hiromichi Tezuka before, although he does sound like Hiroshi Kamiya or someone much better.

Why do I get the feeling once the title character arrives, even Nanao will get powers…? Or maybe Nana is the catalyst for Nanao’s powers awakening or something? (Just realised having a Nana and a Nanao together in the same anime is confusing…)

Subbers spelt “noblesse oblige” wrong, unless it was deliberately done as such.

I predicted the “duke it out” line.

There’s a menu on the wall of the restaurant.

Maybe Nanao’s “talent” is his leadership stat or something?

Or maybe even Nanao is an enemy of humanity and doesn’t know it? (Sorry, speculation going into overdrive…that usually happens with superpower works like this for me, because I like to analyse them.)

Maybe Nanao can see the future, like the protag from Koi to Producer?

Technically, shouldn’t ice be weak against fire…? Or am I too used to the Pokemon system?

Called it! Nanao has a hidden power! (That reminds me: I still don’t know what Lucien’s (from Koi to Producer’s) power really is.)

Vigilantes is really good at exploring how people can expand on their own powers.

…wow, I heard rumours that the main character was going to die, but I’d pegged Nana to die, not Nanao.

Onodera is clearly important…maybe he was the one with the wind powers? Or was Nana lying about that?

…dude, the red eyes are kinda obvious that Nana is evil in some way, or at least really devious.

Grace of the Gods 1

All I really know of this is that it’s got slimes and it’s an isekai/SoL hybrid…That’s it.

…I am not, I repeat NOT, on board for a harem centred around an 11 year old!

Ryoma speaks with an unnatural amount of starts and stops, hence the caveman speak.

What’s Jil’s role in the party…?

Why would you even need to know 4 high-level skills? Isn’t it better to know all of them?

LOL, I knew the isekaid guy was meant to have a hard life so he could start over with slimes, but…stick Doppo in this and it’s basically the same thing. At least Doppo tries to resist his bosses behind their backs, this guy just did the whole gaman thing and look where that got him!

If he worked for a black company with no overtime and so forth, how did he know about a recent anime trend, eh??? Sounds suspect. Update: Unless he was thinking about 90s isekai, which still involved less reincarnation than this.

I noticed the gods have senbei (the rice crackers with the seaweed). Western-looking gods probably shouldn’t have senbei, unless…they did that to make Ryoma feel more at home?

Seriously, how does a guy with no overtime still have time for online games? Even if he were getting just ads for them, he probably wouldn’t have paid enough attention to be able to figure out what the cliches are, right? Either that, or the Dragon Quest system is older than I think it is.

Slimes don’t have paws…or hands or other appendages…to give…

…I’m not sure what to think there. Am I meant to think the slimes are cute? Am I meant to think the catgirls/animal girls are cute? The answer to those questions is “no”, so…eh.

IWGP 1

Basically, I chose this for associations with HypMic.

…the best first impression involves a CGI car. Of course. <- (sarcastic)

Given HypMic, I almost expected a rap battle…nahhhh…Rap battles don’t look so cool outside HypMic, man.

The owl is a pun. Fukurou (owl) matches ‘bukuro (bag, which is the 2nd character in “Ikebukuro”). There’s also an owl statue used as a meeting spot, much like Hachiko in Shibuya…(I learnt a bunch of things about the division territory through HypMic. Let me show off…)

I think the character designer for this anime also did Joker Game…that’s throwing me off a little. Also, they had a prime opportunity to use a Buster Bros song, so I’m still a bit miffed about that – this OP’s kinda standard. Update: The character designer is Junichiro Taniguchi – my insinct was wrong on him. He did Touken Ranbu Hanamaru’s character designs.

“Smoking kills” – Yuuuuuuuup. That’s true.

Why do I get the feeling all the male otaku will wanna bang Makoto’s mother (to put it lightly)…?

Curiously, the one who hates drugs in HypMic is Jyuto, who’s not from Ikebukuro Division at all. Hmm…

Yokoyama’s voice sounds familiar…but I’m not sure why. Update: If I had to guess, I’d say he’s Saito Soma or someone who sounds similar, so maybe Takuma Terashima, Daisuke Ono or something like that. Update 2: Takahiro Sakurai. See? I knew I knew that voice.

“Big Rei” (“Rei-nii”). That’s different from Ichi-nii (what Saburo calls Ichiro) and could also be goroawase for 02.

Uni of Tokyo is the most prestigious uni in Japan. It has quite the reputation.

…is it just me, or does Makoto have a piercing in his left ear? IWGP also happens to happily work with my existing character, although said character has a piercing in his right ear.

Zero One kinda looks like Uta (Tokyo Ghoul), LOL.

…and of course the girl has to rely on the dude. *sigh* Welp, we can throw drugs off the list for “things that count as TV-MA to Funimation” – IWGP is rated M (not 15+ explicitly, but that’s what it stands for normally) in my region.

This ED song…that’s the sort of song I was expecting from HypMic, Akudama or this.

Seems both Makoto and Takashi have earrings…maybe in both ears? Takashi’s are yellow, I could confirm that much.

…this is decent, but putting it up against its competitors is a bit harsh.

Crusade 1 (cont. from sneak peek - it’s in the title here because this is where it’s completed)

Turns out that preview was most of the episode…like “14 of 24 minutes” long.

Wait, how did Alice fall forward and end up in the princess carry pose? I remember having trouble with that when a character in a story of mine had the same problem.

…Iska-nii…(?)

That opera house looks pretty darn modern to me…

…eh…that was middling. Nothing any ol’ adaption of Romeo and Juliet couldn’t do, bar the CGI for the magic fight in the middle. (There was a fluffy griffin thing in the middle there, though.)

Akudama 1

Ume + Kimura and a cool urban aesthetic. Let’s go!

This is kinda Tron-like, eh?

Ooh, now it’s more like Cop Craft.

Kimura seems to use his gruffer voice more than his Ichiro voice, but Ume is actually worse on that fron with his ordinary voice…Welp, at least his ordinary voice sounds like it fits right in with the Courier. I almost expect an Ocean’s Eleven thing (or Now You See Me, since I’ve actually watched that) from this. Update: Turns out Kimura is the pompadour guy, not the fighter.

You can tell Ordinary Person is an okay person because she keeps saving cats. A bit cliché, but it’ll do.

Ohhhhhh…I can see where this plotline is going. Ordinary Person pretends to be Swindler to get herself out of this mess, but then she keeps getting involved with the Akudama. It’s a typical plot for a typical gal, common to insert a viewpoint character in series that require one, or a magical girl ally.

Wow, those missiles look like a**.

LOL, Hoodlum’s sentence is kinda measly in comparison to most of them. Plus, when he yelled, that sounded more accurate to Ichiro than Fighter was, so…yeah, sorry I messed up.

…Ordinary Person has some real bullseye…uh, eyes.

This could be a top contender…aside from the CGI, which does look a bit funky. I’m getting a death game vibe here, but I don’t know if that’s really the case. Also, it’s a lot of fun, but the possible intolerable thing here is Ordinary Person’s screaming – the pretense she has to keep up seems like it’ll fit right in though.

JJK 1

I read the manga once, dropped it and then read it again and didn’t realise why I dropped it.

Fushiguro has long eyelashes, tbh. Itadori comments on that at one point, I think.

Oh, it was a fish (carp) in the manga. I couldn’t figure out what the Japanese equivalent was just from the Kokkuri board.

This track club teacher is a bit of a freak, honestly. Meddling in kids’ affairs is probably illegal to some extent.

Itadori is known as “tiger” because the kanji for “tiger” is in the surname. Update: Also, the Czech dude Mirko was called “the Croatian tiger”, if a tweet I read is any indication.

I like how there’s more comedy in this one. They show the world records, so you have standards to compare Itadori against.

This is an almost beat-for-beat adaption, bar the slight comedy of the records being added (and not explaning who Mirko is). The contrast makes this better.

“People really can die.” – That’s summoning some real energy of “People die when they are killed.”

(Brief thoughts on the dog and cat short: I enjoyed that more than I thought I would. The picture of a realistic cat – someone’s actual photo of their cat?- that serves as a punchline never gets old and in fact, sometimes contributes to the humour.)

HypMic 2

LOL, TV-MA warning strikes again.

“Kore wa prologue/Hajimete no ippo/Fumidasanai yatsu ni wa/???? shinpo.” – The translation is really good for the bits I can read…the problem is I can’t read the bottom left corner. Update: The part in the bottom left is nai...That’s it.

…uh, even people from around the world can read 24 hour time??? You don’t need subs to read Arabic numerals???

…couldn’t you have just told Ichiro verbally, Saburo…? Update: Come to think of it, kids these days are more on their phones than ever, so it makes sense but also kind of doesn’t.

You don’t really need subs for laughter either…

I’d never heard of “pulling rank” before…hmm: “to use one's high position in a society, organization, group, etc., to order someone to do something or to get special treatment or privileges.”

…and here comes the F word here to mess with us again. Japanese nastiness is conveyed using words that might be considered “soft” in English, hence the sudden jump to use the F word a bunch, but the subbers could use some variety in their swearing. I mean, “dips**t” worked where it did because subbers made Samatoki go overboard with the F word, but…you could stand to use that more, maybe(?)

I like how even the Tenderloins guy rhymes where he’s meant to. It’s the prelude to a battle, after all. (He kinda looks like Kotaro from Zombieland Saga.)

…I freaked out for a second. I swore I saw a similar-looking restaurant (udon shop, located on the left of one of the shots) while in Japan. Also, we finally get to see Ichiro’s reputation at work.

…I still have no idea what a “steelo” is after all this time, but I didn’t realise I was staring at a part of Ore ga Ichiro until I saw it in context. Also, it was kinda derpy – but still really in character – for Ichiro to run to his destination with his arms up like the Glico man in Osaka (except he had his head down).

I get a weird feeling the subbers may have used the wiki translation because I’m using it as a reference and the language seems oddly similar for the most part…

The kick Ichiro does seems like it references the OP.

Notice the location is Nishiguchi Kouen…the West Gate Park. *raises eyebrows at the IWGP anime*

…oh! It occurred to me that the sign the BB do with their hands is…well, a lowercase B. (LOL, if you read my previous line funny, it rhymes.)

Gentaro doing the peace sign to his chest…that was random the first time, because it doesn’t seem in character, but then it does for Dice and possibly Ramuda, so Gentaro probably just chose to go along with it (“to add to his image as a rapper,” maybe…?).

Oh, Saburo has airpods in…those aren’t good for blocking sound, are they…?

Notice the owl on the…uh, café(?)…Ichiro goes to.

That one “holy shit!” made me laugh like a madman. Where it came from, I don’t know, but it was so random I had to laugh at it.

This makes me wonder…if you use a mic that’s different to your personal mic, does it produce the same speakers? No one’s ever addressed that before (much like how no one questions if magical girls always need the same transformation device – I wanted to make a plot on that someday, but I can’t seem to find a comprehensible way to pull it off…LOL, that reminds me, I even had a HypMic version of that featuring Samatoki at one point, but it probably makes even less sense than the standard one because it activates via physical contact. It’s notable – in my head – for Nemu’s version of the “power” being “Samatoki can’t swear, no matter how hard he tries”).

I’m pretty sure that round thing wasn’t part of Ichiro’s rings, ever. (…Unless that was the head of his spoon or something.)

…Microwave? (referring to the shot inside the hospital, which seems to be based off ARB)

The series normally transitions from BB -> MTC -> FP -> MTR, so it was interesting to see that shuffled up. Update: That’s if it has to have an order, but notably ARB breaks this standard a lot by assigning colours to each solo and then arranging interactions based on not repeating those colours (aside from the Sky High Tower event). With 4 things there are 4! = 24 possible combinations and 6! = 720 possible combinations if you count DH and BAT, so as we move forward with those 2 divisions...prepare for more shuffling.

…is Jiro gonna steal a ball? I thought it was just bikes anime characters stole. (LOL)

The mic changes the background, too, huh? Never expected that from more than the speakers.

…and of course, s*** explodes and the day is saved once again....by the Buster Bros!!! (LOL, but also *sigh*)

Hmm, so this anime’s real plotline probably involves this trio: Rex, Tom and Iris. They’re probably foreign in some way, judging by Tom and Rex. Maybe they’re aligned with a foreign government or something? Update: If you look at the credits, their full names seem to be Tom Whisper Weathercock, Iris Innocent Traiter (sic) (LOL) and…Taroumaru Rex…? (romanisations confirmed for all katakana)

Sadamezuka was voiced by the ubiquitous Kenjiro Tsuda.

It seems Cola Bintarou (aka Subaru Kimura) was on the case again today. He wrote the new song for BB, called RUN THIS CITY, along with Gesshoku Kaigi.

Of course, I’m going to keep this anime on my list...I’m just a bit worried about myself going forward, because I realised my ego got a bit inflated trying to defend the series from haters. I’ve never had a series where I’ve been a fan from the beginning that wasn’t already a known quantity for a while (Muhyo and Roji’s, Furuba). With Boueibu, I was discovering things alongside other people (or even later in a lot of cases) since it was anime-original.

[twotwinks]

a thing i was tagged in a long time ago by @rochc93. i am, believe it or not, attempting to catch up on these things. i always intend to do them but it’s either not a good time when i think about them or i’m not thinking about them. sorry i’m a mess

Who were you named after?

First name, nobody bitch. That’s all me. Middle name, like twenty different characters who are important to me but all on accident because I didn’t realize we shared the name until after I’d picked it. Notable instances include Rita Rose Vrataski from Edge of Tomorrow and also Amy Rose (a recent discovery). Last name, Gary King and also because I like confusing people about my gender by deliberately using a “male” title while presenting female (though hopefully not for much longer) and also being nonbinary. (Also s/o to ladies who call themselves king instead of queen. Yes I’m thinking of Kagamine Rin in the WanOpo songs Death Should Not Have Taken Thee and Our Adventure Log Has Vanished.)

Last time you cried?

two weeks ago to the day, when my dad let our dog Koko get hit by a car, things have been Extra Bad around here since then

Do you like your handwriting?

No. When I was little everyone always used to tell me how pretty it was but then I started trying to be a Serious Writer and my penmanship degraded as a result of how fast I had to get the words out of my head. Now my mom whines all the time about how messy and illegible my writing is.

What is your favorite lunch meat?

TURKEY

Longest relationship?

Umm....about two years ago for about three months-ish? I think? Maybe two months? I don’t know, we were dating for Christmas and then I broke up with him right before Valentine’s Day because my mental health couldn’t take it. I realized I was aro shortly after. Who would’ve guessed, huh?

Do you still have your tonsils?

Yep!

Do you bungee jump?

no and i never will

What is your favorite kind of cereal?

Dude this changes like monthly. Sometimes Honey Bunches of Oats. Sometimes Frosted Flakes. Sometimes I get a ridiculously strong craving for Strawberry Awake or Lucky Charms or Honey Nut Cheerios. I just get to eat cereal so infrequently that I can’t really have a favorite, I just have to indulge whatever craving I currently have because I only get the chance to eat one box every three months or so.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Yes because when I was little my mom ingrained into me that not untying my shoes first would ruin the backs of them way faster than they should. In all fairness we were poor and couldn’t afford to buy me new shoes that often because my feet are so sensitive that an actual comfortable pair costs $100.

Do you think you’re strong willed?

oh fuck no i mean have you ever spoken to me??? i’m the biggest baby pushover to ever live

Favorite ice cream?

Either that Death by Chocolate stuff they serve at Purdue’s dining courts sometimes or mint chocolate chip. It has to be green though or it loses something sdkhsdhk

What is the first thing you notice about a person?

Usually like their shirt, I guess? I don’t know, this isn’t something I’ve ever really thought about. Maybe it’s also if they have one of those annoying faces or voices. Or if they have a queer vibe. Look I’m not good with people ok.

Football or baseball?

Football but only because marching band and/or soccer

Favorite doughnut?

Okay this is going to sound weirdly specific but. Chocolate cake donut with chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles. Also on a related note I once let a girl in high school copy my homework (that I myself had found the answers to on the internet, it was a really unfair English assignment). She was so happy that she said she’d buy me a donut for breakfast the next day (she made a donut run for herself once a week as a special treat). I gave her my oddly specific request, but since I knew it was kind of a rare donut to find I told her anything chocolate would work. The next day, lo and behold, she showed up with the perfect donut. She had them make it special for me (insert Discord’s pleading face emoji). That was the day I learned my lesson about judging “dumb blondes”.

What music are you listening to?

I’ve been back into Touhou doujin arrangements again lately, especially eurobeat. However I’m also hyperfixating on Sonic the Hedgehog again so the game soundtracks and the Crush 40 albums are starting to show up in my frequent rotation on Spotify.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

The obvious choice is mint green but I could also very easily be a lime green or a glittery ruby slippers red.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

I believe I talked to my grandma a little bit on my mom’s phone not that long ago? Other than that according to my phone it looks like I took a call from my dad back in April?

Hair color?

that real deep almost black brown. i nearly got into a fistfight with some boys in second grade who insisted my hair was black. it’s not black it’s just very thick. it actually looks much lighter if you just separate a smaller chunk and look at it.

Eye color?

Hazel. Brown with some green flecks. Or possibly green with some brown flecks. Also both of my irises look different up close but you can’t tell unless you’re really up in my face.

Favorite food to eat?

pasta but it can’t have red sauce

Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings all the way

Last film you watched in the cinema?

do you really expect me to remember this. i honestly do not fucking know. i have no brain when it comes to movie theaters. i was gonna do a double feature of birds of prey and the sonic movie the tuesday before spring break (cheap prices for students!!!) but i ended up having a headache that day so i couldn’t go and then shit hit the fan and there was no theatergoing. i have tried and failed to get my parents to rent the sonic movie since. i’m very unhappy about it now that i’m hyperfixating again.

What color shirt are you wearing?

well i think it used to be white but it’s really old so now it’s like off-white. also it has a big snake on the back. i don’t even like snakes i just enjoy this shirt.

Favorite holiday?

Christmas!!! I don’t necessarily actually enjoy celebrating the holiday (thanks fam) but I love the idea behind it and the aesthetics. Also it’s peppermint season!

Beer or wine?

Listen I am super picky about alcohol. I haven’t liked any of the wine I’ve tried, but the first two wines I had other people told me it was bad (and then they took me out and bought me alcohol I would actually like because I’d never drank before and apparently getting me tipsy in Ireland over spring break was an Honor for them I literally didn’t pay for a single drink that night) and the third wine I had was paired with the wrong type of food (we couldn’t get the Right wine bottle open). I didn’t really mind the beer I tried in Ireland though, so I guess beer? I really like cider best though, and apparently I can also handle vodka.

Night owl or morning person?

night owl i wish i could be nocturnal

Favorite day of the week?

Friday. It has all the joy and anticipation of the coming weekend without the curse of my dad being home or the responsibility of homework looming over everything.

Favorite animal?

HEDGEHOG yeah i never really got past that from when i was little. but i also just love pretty much all animals. except like. snakes and spiders but sometimes snakes have their moments.

Do you have a pet?

Yeah. We have a lot of “family” pets but I consider Patches (cat) and Gabby (dog) to be Mine Specifically. If my mom hadn’t forced me out of therapy I’d probably be bringing Patches with me to college next year as an emotional support animal.

Where would you like to travel?

Europe babey. I just wanna hang out in France and England and Scotland and also go back to Ireland. I miss Ireland so much y’all.

ok that’s it. that’s all for this one. i’m not tagging anyone because i’m sure it’s already made the rounds among everyone. but if it missed you and you still wanna do it go for it. consider yourself tagged. poof.

[conorjameson]

The fugitive

The Goshawk can cast a spell on you. I know this because it happened to me, and to some others I’ve met. Something in the penetrating gaze of the bird stays with you. It is a kind of hypnosis, reinforced with each rare encounter.

I can trace my love affair with the Goshawk to a picture in a book. Or rather, on a book. Goshawks made the cover of the first book on birds of prey that I saw, as a young child, in the early 1970s. It was a pair at the nest, all red-eyed rapaciousness, female brooding a downy chick, male grasping a song thrush. I was smitten. I loved everything about this bird, even the drama in the name –Goshawk. That glare.

Back then, Goshawks were in the first stages of reclaiming our remoter forests. Bar the odd escaped pair here and there, Goshawks had been effectively absent as breeding birds from the UK since the early 1880s.

Growing up in Scotland, I heard about these fugitive goshawks, escaped and unofficially released birds, apparently gaining a toehold. In my forest rovings, I always had half an eye – and ear - open for Gos, and once or twice even fancied I might have glimpsed one. But of course I couldn’t be sure. Like anyone else, through those years I was witnessing with pleasure the return of the Sparrowhawk, Peregrine and Buzzard. Somehow the Goshawk lagged far behind, out of sight, out of mind. No one, and few books, seemed to have much to say about the mysterious Gos.

I found one man who did: T H White. The author of The Sword in the Stone, White was also moonstruck by this bird. The Goshawk is regarded as a classic of its kind. I unearthed it in an antique bookshop some years ago. The prose is dense, intense, and a revelation. Here was a man who could articulate his fascination with this enigmatic bird. But he was also fixated with mastering it. I had no such aspiration, although I appreciated the insight on its character provided by White’s up-close and personal involvement with this often wretched, furious, bating hawk.

White was writing in the 1930s, in a Gos-free Britain. He had walked away from his job as an English teacher at a private school. He rented a keeper’s cottage and attempted to master the bird using the medieval method by which he was also intrigued. He sought with his Goshawk ‘to revert to a feral state’. Predictably, perhaps, the hawk beat him to it.

It was clear. Goshawks are wilder than most birds, you might say; highly strung, high maintenance, compulsive. Falconers I meet now tell me they can’t or won’t keep the species. They never show them at public demonstrations. Goshawks have a tendency to mania, to buggering off, to dropping dead. Even captive Goshawks, it seems, are hard to see.

But not everyone loves the Goshawk. And I’m not just talking about the usual suspects in the murky world of raptor persecution. There are a few birders out there who are at best ambivalent about the species. You may know some.

It is accepted wisdom that our UK Goshawk population today originates from absconded birds, and deliberate releases. Although Goshawks from the continent do move through these islands on passage, this appears not to happen in significant numbers, and they are believed strongly tied to home. The Goshawk is a fully protected species here. But even so, to some conservation-minded people it has only a faintly legitimate status, as though it has yet to be universally accepted. I know one birder who regards Goshawks with the same disdain he does Canada Geese.

In addition to being, in some eyes, ‘semi-feral’, the Goshawk’s rapaciousness can also lose it friends. It can alienate not just game-rearers, but enthusiasts for other bird species. The Goshawk tends not to like having other raptors, and corvids, around when it is breeding. It can also kill and eat anything up to the size of a Capercaillie. We don’t have many of those to spare, in the end.

It is also a difficult bird to get to know, to watch and enjoy. It has not been championed in the way enjoyed by our other renascent raptors – the eagles, kites, harriers, ospreys and falcons. It has almost as little visible presence as a nocturnal predatory mammal. It is, in the end, hard to sell what we cannot see.

The Goshawk has always been greatly valued as a falconer’s – or more properly an austringer’s – bird. The French call it the ‘cuisinier’. It may lack a Falcon’s exhibitionism in the sky, but for sheer muscularity, dexterity, focus and lethalness in a short chase, for game as large as adult hares, the Goshawk was the connoisseur’s choice. It was the choice of Attila the Hun, King John, Frederick the Great, and not just of the yeoman, as is popularly held. Accipiter gentilis was long beloved of falconers across Europe and Asia. In repose, it oozes nobility, gravitas, courage.

But they are difficult to captive breed. A male Goshawk knows better than to be around his much larger mate when she is hungry, or irritable. She makes a fickle cellmate. For centuries, captive Goshawks were traded across Europe, set free to breed, and the young harvested from tree nests. These birds were hard currency. When land was sold, rights to Hawk nests might be negotiated – or not – separately. Our Goshawk population today may have mixed Finnish, German and Czech origin, but so too do Spain’s smaller, darker wild Goshawks today produce genetic throw-backs to these larger, paler northern races.

Some may regret the somewhat ad hoc provenance of our Goshawks today, and the haphazard nature of their re-establishment, but this reflects the wider history of our relationship with the species. It is not, for me, a reason to devalue the bird. If anything, the opposite is true.

Given this trade, movement and ‘farming’ of Goshawks since Saxon times, there are those who have queried whether we can be sure it was originally a native UK species. Max Nicholson was one: ‘The Goshawk, often counted among the lost, was probably never indigenous,’ he wrote in 1926. ‘But’ he noted, ‘the evidence is bewildering’.

More recently, scenting a possible loophole in wildlife law to exploit, some game-rearing interests have challenged the Goshawk’s status. So can we be sure it was here without our help? Quite apart from the free-range ‘harvesting’ of Accipiter gentilis, early written records are unreliable because of possible confusion with the Peregrine, in particular.

Happily, the recently published History of British Birds by Yalden and Albarella presents conclusive evidence on the matter. There are scattered bone deposit records of Goshawk since the post-glacial, even more than for Peregrine. It was here, ok. The authors estimate a UK population of Goshawks in the ‘pristine Mesolithic forests’ of pre-human Britain touching 14,000 pairs. They base this on extrapolations from Bialowiecza Forest in Poland, Europe’s largest intact fragment of this ancient woodland.

Even without this hard evidence, it would be hard to conceive of the Goshawk absent from our wildwood. My instinct is it was probably pre-eminent. In the absence of the Eagle Owl, the Goshawk must have enjoyed alpha predator status among the oaks, limes and pines that cloaked mainland Britain. It’s an interesting thought that this forgotten, fugitive, poorly understood and occasionally resented species might once have lorded it over our wildwood landscape.

The Goshawk re-cast its spell on me two years ago. I found one in Yorkshire. I came face to face with the most vivid specimen: a first-year female, all subtle saffron tints and chocolaty arrowheads, talons clamped on a prone magpie, glaring at me as I teetered on a ladder. I was in a junk shop. She was in a glass case. Stuffed. As she fixed me with that glare, she fixated me with these questions about what we did to her kind, and to ourselves in the process. 

The Goshawk was the first of the raptors we wiped out in Britain. We usually call this persecution, but looking at this bird in the case, it occurred to me that admirers played their part in the extermination process. We killed beautiful things the better to look at them. I’m not judgmental about the trophy hunters of the killing age. Any of us might have done the same thing, in their position.

Our last Goshawks are said to have bred near MacBeth’s Birnam Wood, Perthshire, in 1883. But there is another troubling question. Can we be sure they were completely extirpated? Given the secretiveness of the species, it seems feasible that some might have held on, in a quiet corner somewhere.

I spent a few weeks in spring 2010 with Goshawk experts in the remoter forests of Britain where Goshawks survive today. Mick Marquiss, whose study area covers north-east Scotland, is in no doubt that the Goshawk was exterminated by the end of the 19th century.

‘I used to think that maybe they had held on,’ he told me. ‘But I don’t believe that now.’

There is one clinching reason, for Mick: ‘They may be hard to see, but they are very easy to trap,’ he says.

Writings by the Victorian naturalist W H Hudson leave us a vivid idea of what Goshawks were up against in the period.

‘I heard of another case at Fonthill Abbey (Wiltshire). Nobody could say what this wandering hawk was – it was very big, blue above with a white breast barred with black – a ‘tarrable’, fierce-looking bird with fierce, yellow eyes. All the gamekeepers and several other men with guns were in hot pursuit of it for several days, until someone fatally wounded it, but it could not be found where it was supposed to have fallen. A fortnight later its carcass was discovered by an old shepherd, who told me the story. It was not in a fit state to be preserved, but he described it to me, and I have no doubt that it was a goshawk.’

You can only imagine how demoralised Hudson and others like him felt in that era, when a wandering Goshawk would face such overwhelming odds. A century further on, he might be minded to ask if the Goshawks are back. We could tell him the apparently encouraging news that the UK Goshawk population can now be estimated at around 400 pairs, thanks to data compiled by the Rare Breeding Birds Panel, from information provided in large part by the Raptor Study Groups. But he might be slightly puzzled that it hasn’t changed much since the Atlas of 20 years ago. It is quite likely, we could suggest, that there are more Goshawks out there than this, but probably not many more. ‘Although they are cryptic what’s clear from our work is that there’s no large population sitting there undiscovered,‘ say the experts (Rutz et al).

Until recently, we might have concluded that the lack of large-scale coniferous forest was the limiting factor for Goshawks in Britain. But just across the North Sea in the Netherlands, for example, Goshawks have reclaimed the landscape, from lowland farmland to urban centres, exploiting the corvids, pigeons, thrushes, gulls, rabbits and rats that proliferate across these habitats.

‘Goshawks in The Netherlands tell a complicated story,’ says Rob Bijlsma, who has studied them there for many years. ‘A story of huge successes and spread into densely populated areas, followed by demise more recently.’

It seems reasonable to wonder why our Goshawks haven’t done something similar. Mick Marquiss and fellow Raptor Study Group researchers are in no doubt that illegal killing is the main reason.

’Goshawks, for all their prowess as hunters, cannot resist an apparently free meal,’ he says. ‘Their foraging areas overlap, and they wander a lot outside the breeding season. One trap with a live crow or pigeon as bait can draw in Goshawks from a wide area, and act as the ‘plug-hole’ down which a local population can vanish. Easy to catch, and easy to hide: so proving the true scale of this crime has been difficult – at least up to now.‘

Advances in technology and tracking are helping us to understand the Goshawk better, and work is now being done to get a better handle on the Goshawk’s situation in the UK.

My search for this bird has left me convinced that there could be a Goshawk-shaped hole in our world. This incredible animal remains AWOL in much of our landscape — spinneys, parks, towns, even cities — and largely absent from our consciousness. The Goshawk isn’t out of the woods yet, but it might be if we’d let it. The shackles have not yet been broken. And nor, for me, has the Goshawk’s lingering spell.

Conor Jameson

This article was first published in Birdwatch magazine.

Photo of a male Goshawk taken in the Scottish borders by Chas Moonie. 

[dailyofficereadings]

Daily Office Readings November 21, 2019 at 11:00PM

Psalm 102

Psalm 102

Prayer to the Eternal King for Help

A prayer of one afflicted, when faint and pleading before the Lord.

1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you. 2 Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress. Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call.

3 For my days pass away like smoke, and my bones burn like a furnace. 4 My heart is stricken and withered like grass; I am too wasted to eat my bread. 5 Because of my loud groaning my bones cling to my skin. 6 I am like an owl of the wilderness, like a little owl of the waste places. 7 I lie awake; I am like a lonely bird on the housetop. 8 All day long my enemies taunt me; those who deride me use my name for a curse. 9 For I eat ashes like bread, and mingle tears with my drink, 10 because of your indignation and anger; for you have lifted me up and thrown me aside. 11 My days are like an evening shadow; I wither away like grass.

12 But you, O Lord, are enthroned forever; your name endures to all generations. 13 You will rise up and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to favor it; the appointed time has come. 14 For your servants hold its stones dear, and have pity on its dust. 15 The nations will fear the name of the Lord, and all the kings of the earth your glory. 16 For the Lord will build up Zion; he will appear in his glory. 17 He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and will not despise their prayer.

18 Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet unborn may praise the Lord: 19 that he looked down from his holy height, from heaven the Lord looked at the earth, 20 to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die; 21 so that the name of the Lord may be declared in Zion, and his praise in Jerusalem, 22 when peoples gather together, and kingdoms, to worship the Lord.

23 He has broken my strength in midcourse; he has shortened my days. 24 “O my God,” I say, “do not take me away at the midpoint of my life, you whose years endure throughout all generations.”

25 Long ago you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. 26 They will perish, but you endure; they will all wear out like a garment. You change them like clothing, and they pass away; 27 but you are the same, and your years have no end. 28 The children of your servants shall live secure; their offspring shall be established in your presence.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Psalm 107:1-32

BOOK V

(Psalms 107–150)

Psalm 107

Thanksgiving for Deliverance from Many Troubles

1 O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever. 2 Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, those he redeemed from trouble 3 and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south.[a]

4 Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to an inhabited town; 5 hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. 6 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress; 7 he led them by a straight way, until they reached an inhabited town. 8 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. 9 For he satisfies the thirsty, and the hungry he fills with good things.

10 Some sat in darkness and in gloom, prisoners in misery and in irons, 11 for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. 12 Their hearts were bowed down with hard labor; they fell down, with no one to help. 13 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; 14 he brought them out of darkness and gloom, and broke their bonds asunder. 15 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. 16 For he shatters the doors of bronze, and cuts in two the bars of iron.

17 Some were sick[b] through their sinful ways, and because of their iniquities endured affliction; 18 they loathed any kind of food, and they drew near to the gates of death. 19 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; 20 he sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from destruction. 21 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. 22 And let them offer thanksgiving sacrifices, and tell of his deeds with songs of joy.

23 Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the mighty waters; 24 they saw the deeds of the Lord, his wondrous works in the deep. 25 For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. 26 They mounted up to heaven, they went down to the depths; their courage melted away in their calamity; 27 they reeled and staggered like drunkards, and were at their wits’ end. 28 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out from their distress; 29 he made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. 30 Then they were glad because they had quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven. 31 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. 32 Let them extol him in the congregation of the people, and praise him in the assembly of the elders.

Footnotes:

Psalm 107:3 Cn: Heb sea

Psalm 107:17 Cn: Heb fools

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

1 Maccabees 4:36-59

Cleansing and Dedication of the Temple

36 Then Judas and his brothers said, “See, our enemies are crushed; let us go up to cleanse the sanctuary and dedicate it.” 37 So all the army assembled and went up to Mount Zion. 38 There they saw the sanctuary desolate, the altar profaned, and the gates burned. In the courts they saw bushes sprung up as in a thicket, or as on one of the mountains. They saw also the chambers of the priests in ruins. 39 Then they tore their clothes and mourned with great lamentation; they sprinkled themselves with ashes 40 and fell face down on the ground. And when the signal was given with the trumpets, they cried out to Heaven.

41 Then Judas detailed men to fight against those in the citadel until he had cleansed the sanctuary. 42 He chose blameless priests devoted to the law, 43 and they cleansed the sanctuary and removed the defiled stones to an unclean place. 44 They deliberated what to do about the altar of burnt offering, which had been profaned. 45 And they thought it best to tear it down, so that it would not be a lasting shame to them that the Gentiles had defiled it. So they tore down the altar, 46 and stored the stones in a convenient place on the temple hill until a prophet should come to tell what to do with them. 47 Then they took unhewn[a] stones, as the law directs, and built a new altar like the former one. 48 They also rebuilt the sanctuary and the interior of the temple, and consecrated the courts. 49 They made new holy vessels, and brought the lampstand, the altar of incense, and the table into the temple. 50 Then they offered incense on the altar and lit the lamps on the lampstand, and these gave light in the temple. 51 They placed the bread on the table and hung up the curtains. Thus they finished all the work they had undertaken.

52 Early in the morning on the twenty-fifth day of the ninth month, which is the month of Chislev, in the one hundred forty-eighth year,[b] 53 they rose and offered sacrifice, as the law directs, on the new altar of burnt offering that they had built. 54 At the very season and on the very day that the Gentiles had profaned it, it was dedicated with songs and harps and lutes and cymbals. 55 All the people fell on their faces and worshiped and blessed Heaven, who had prospered them. 56 So they celebrated the dedication of the altar for eight days, and joyfully offered burnt offerings; they offered a sacrifice of well-being and a thanksgiving offering. 57 They decorated the front of the temple with golden crowns and small shields; they restored the gates and the chambers for the priests, and fitted them with doors. 58 There was very great joy among the people, and the disgrace brought by the Gentiles was removed.

59 Then Judas and his brothers and all the assembly of Israel determined that every year at that season the days of dedication of the altar should be observed with joy and gladness for eight days, beginning with the twenty-fifth day of the month of Chislev.

Footnotes:

1 Maccabees 4:47 Gk whole

1 Maccabees 4:52 164 b.c.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Revelation 22:6-13

6 And he said to me, “These words are trustworthy and true, for the Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, has sent his angel to show his servants[a] what must soon take place.”

7 “See, I am coming soon! Blessed is the one who keeps the words of the prophecy of this book.”

Epilogue and Benediction

8 I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I heard and saw them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who showed them to me; 9 but he said to me, “You must not do that! I am a fellow servant[b] with you and your comrades[c] the prophets, and with those who keep the words of this book. Worship God!”

10 And he said to me, “Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, for the time is near. 11 Let the evildoer still do evil, and the filthy still be filthy, and the righteous still do right, and the holy still be holy.”

12 “See, I am coming soon; my reward is with me, to repay according to everyone’s work. 13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.”

Footnotes:

Revelation 22:6 Gk slaves

Revelation 22:9 Gk slave

Revelation 22:9 Gk brothers

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Matthew 18:10-20

The Parable of the Lost Sheep

10 “Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones; for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven.[a] 12 What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. 14 So it is not the will of your[b] Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.

Reproving Another Who Sins

15 “If another member of the church[c] sins against you,[d] go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.[e] 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

Footnotes:

Matthew 18:10 Other ancient authorities add verse 11, For the Son of Man came to save the lost

Matthew 18:14 Other ancient authorities read my

Matthew 18:15 Gk If your brother

Matthew 18:15 Other ancient authorities lack against you

Matthew 18:15 Gk the brother

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Self Shipping Ask Game

I’m feeling self-indulgent as all hell so I did another one, with Patrick Verona this time!! 💙 I’m starting to lose track of my F/Os...

Tagging @jokershyena​ so she can see!

Word count: 2, 253 (lmao woops?)

Date you got together? April 24th 2020. We are... a very new couple and we’re still finding our way with what we have together. It feels like stepping into shoes you’ve worn a thousand times before, but the soles are different; there’s new marks left behind and we’re finding out what they mean slowly but surely. We have lots of love between us and we’re letting it guide us.

Favorite personality trait? I love Pat for all that he is, but if I have to pick just one thing then it’s his nature. He feels like... you know when you lay down outside on the grass or the beach and there’s a gentle breeze in your hair and the sun is warm on your face and your eyes are shut and you feel yourself smiling because this is why you’re alive, for moments like this? That’s how Pat feels to me, all the time. 

Favorite physical trait? His smile. I almost said his eyes but, oh... that smile makes flowers bloom in my heart. I would die to keep that smile on his face. He’s so beautiful and those dimples and his eyes, I... he’s so beautiful. 🥺 

Couple song We don’t have one yet. I’m still looking for the perfect one. I often listen to I want you to want me from the soundtrack when I want to feel him close by, just because it makes me think of him, so maybe that one? 

Pet peeves... He likes to leave his switchblade open and lying in random places and it freaks me out. I don’t even like kitchen knives near me and there he is, leaving it stabbed into the coffee table pinning a note for me to the surface. Sure, it’s convenient to just grab his knife out of his pocket and it’s a good way to get my attention, the silver glinting of the blade in the light of the room, but still.

Favorite outfit on them? As much as I adore those leather trousers, it has to be the dark grey shirt with the chain poking out... just him putting it on in the morning and the cold metal against his skin contrasted with the heat on my tongue... *ahem*

Favorite meal? Pat and I eat separately; I have coeliacs disease and Pat’s lucky enough to not have any food allergies so I always make us separate meals. I make his first, scrub down the kitchen and then I do my own food. Pat likes the tuna pasta bake I make; the golden crust of cheese on the top is his favourite and I always give him the corner bits; he likes the cronch. He always says I can just make one meal which is gluten free but I don’t feel right doing that to someone who doesn’t share my dietary requirements.

Early bird or night owl? Pat’s definitely a night owl, so long late night conversations where the two of us lay down in bed together are very common. I stay up every night for him to come home from the pub and then he showers (no dirty sweaty bodies in my bed, thank you) and we cuddle up in bed and just... talk. Sometimes we just lay there listening to music. Neither of us especially like mornings and it’s not unusual to wake up at noon or afterwards 😂

Snorer or sleep talker? Pat snores very lightly most of the time but when he’s deeply, deeply asleep, he sounds like a chainsaw lmao. I like that, though, because even though it makes the bed shake a bit, I know that he’s there with me and it eases my fears of the dark. I have my nightlights but I don’t need music because I know he’s there for me and he’ll keep me safe. Sometimes he’ll mutter unintelligibly as he rolls over and it’s always right in my ear and I have to try not to jump 😂

Do you have any pets together? Not yet! 💕 I wanna get some cats with him in the future; they’re such precious creatures. Pat wants a dog but between him and a dog I’d never get any free or alone time 😂 and I’m protective of both of those things.

Pet names! (Both from them and yours for them) I call him Pat mostly, but other times it’s “sunshine”, “baby boy” for when he needs comforting, “angel”, “darling”, “love” and he knows I’m angry/mad if I call him Patrick ksksksk it gets his attention so quickly. 

Pat calls me “sweetheart”, “angel”, “love” (saved for when he’s being sarcastic, it’s like a hint I need to Do Something Soon) “honey”, “girlie” and by my name when he thinks he has to.

How often do you fight? Not... very often. We have playful banter more than anything. We do fight, that’s normal and healthy, but we try to talk things out calmly rather than go at it and risk saying something we can’t take back. Words have greater power than people know, and where the sword cuts and forgets does the tree fall and remember.

What starts fights? For me, Pat gets angry at my blatant lack of self-care and it angers him to see me treat myself as I do (or don’t, more accurately) but to shower others in love. He doesn’t understand why and it frustrates him. I struggle to explain myself properly so then I get frustrated and it can lead into a whole thing lmao the tears start when he raises his voice so he usually calms down pretty quickly. And as I said, we prefer to speak it through calmly so we’ll go calm down separately and meet in the middle later on. He knows he’s forgiven when I throw myself at him and smother him in kisses.

For Pat, I don’t get angry very often or very easily but when I do, it’s because he was out for so long that I started thinking he’d died or was injured or something and he didn’t text me to let me know and though I don’t want to control him I also don’t enjoy staying up worrying he’s dying in an alley somewhere. So when he gets home I’m a bit... colder in how I greet him and then Pat gets defensive and eesh 😬 In the end, he’ll sigh and I’ll apologise and he’ll get irritated and we cuddle and talk it out. I’ll know I’m forgiven when he kisses my forehead.

Who apologizes first? Me. I will always apologise first, even if I was right. I cannot handle any kind of conflict or confrontation and due to things which have occured in the past I will always just... take it. I’ll just apologise, and get it over with, and hope it all smooths over quickly. Pat gently tells me off when I do this, “No, Erika. I’m the one apologising, not you.” and I usually get upset so we have some cuddle therapy - our touches speak louder and more concisely than we ever could. 

Big spoon or little spoon? asdfghjkl; we switch depending on who needs or wants what! Whomever needs comforting, the other is the big spoon and on the times we both need comforting or we just can’t decide who is either spoon, we lay facing each other so that we’re both the little and the big spoon at the same time! Problem solved! <3 

Dom or sub? Pat’s a switch; it depends on what either of us needs the most in any given moment. For the most part he’s dominant; I can be really shy sometimes and I have no idea what I’m doing with anything, so he tends to take the lead... before we realise that we’d rather walk into undiscovered territory together, hand in hand the way it should be.

What are their kisses like? They’re somehow comforting but intense. He kisses me so tenderly it can make me cry but it’s so passionate that it leaves me breathless. He commands my lips against his and he both takes and gives in equal measure. Pat is a passionate, compassionate soul and it comes through every time he kisses me; like he, too, is coming home.  He never kisses just once - just one sentence can hold a multitude of kisses. And the ghost of his lips against my skin lingers for hours after he’s gone home. He’s always with me, in one or another.

What do they smell like? Apples, leather, whiskey, stale cigarette smoke... and something spicy but so Patrick. If I concentrate, I can find it when I nuzzle into his neck.

What are their hugs like? Coming home. He always hugs me so tightly that I can feel those lost parts of me click back into place. I’m a known squeezer and he playfully grunts in my ear and it makes me smile and he squeezes back and it makes me giggle. Pat sighs happily and drops his head down into the crook of my neck and he rocks me from side to side... I’ve been known to fall asleep standing up in the safety of his embrace. He’s my home, nothing and no one make me feel as safe as he does. 

Who is more protective? I think we’re both as protective as each other. I have a mean streak when my loved ones are threatened or in any kind of danger and I’m not afraid to stand up for Pat against rumours, even if he’s not with me at the time. I hate confrontation but for my loved ones, I’d walk straight through fire if I had to. Similarly, Pat gets easily defensive and seems to have a bit of a temper as well so if anything happened to me, he’d get protective. I also... feel like we protect each other from our own selves, sometimes. I have some Bad Habits and so does Pat and neither of us are afraid to tell the other when we’re hurting ourselves and need to stop... like right now, it’s way past midnight and I’m yawning every few minutes but I’m pushing through to write this. Pat’s frowning and wanting to take my laptop away.

Interested in children? Pat might be... when he’s older. But he knows my stance on this topic and we never talk about it. 

Who needs the most TLC when sick? Pat. OMG he tries to work through it, to walk it off, but I can see. I do the same thing, I always pretend I’m not sick until it’s so obvious that I just can’t hide it. Pat’s a natural caregiver, he’s so used to taking care of others and that’s exactly why I deliberately go overboard when I take care of him. I buy every kind of medicine specific to his illness (and I dip into my savings but shush, don’t tell!), and I make him soup and I’m there for him and I make it known that I love him. I’m usually squeamish with sickness, even when it’s my own, but for Pat I push through and I try because he deserves nothing less than the best of everything I can give him.

Who says ‘I love you’ first? Mmm.... I think Pat said it first. He has more confidence in what we share together than I do and one day when I came through with his favourite meal and I had my own one, I sat down and he said, “I love you, d’you know that?” I just blinked at him a few times in shock and he said it again... and again... and again until I just had to put my food down so that I could grab that beautiful face and swallow his next words; he is... ethereal and I’ll never understand why he loves me but I’m so, so glad that he does! I said it back, of course I did, and his smile was brighter than the sun.

Which of you is more accident prone? Meeeee ~ omg lmao I always have bruises I don’t even remember getting. Pat gets frowny because I sit there poking them hoping the slight pain will trigger a memory of how I got the bruise, but I rarely remember. I’m forever bouncing off door frames, walking into tables, tripping over my own feet while I’m stood still... Pat finds it funny and sometimes when I actually trip he’ll say something like, “I know you fell for me, but, ah - did you have to show me, too?” or “How’s the world from down there?” and once... once, he laughed and laid down next to me on the floor and we just stared up at the ceiling and we just... were for a time. It’s a memory I cherish.

Bed hog? OMG me, hands down. Pat tends to lay on his back and I put my head on his chest so that I can listen to his heartbeat or I nuzzle into the crook of his neck, but it’s not unusual for me to wake up with my duvet on the floor and the sheets all over the place. I’ve been known to actually kick in my sleep and sometimes I wake up with bruises I don’t recall getting. Pat wraps himself around me like a koala when I move around too much because a) shitty mattress and b) I drink 18 coffees a day and in this way, I’m able to fall asleep quicker and in a more relaxed way. If I fall asleep relaxed, I move around far less when I’m asleep. I don’t know how Pat figured that out and he won’t tell me, either.

Who loves the other the most? We’re a very new couple and we’re finding our way with each other and our relationship, but I do think that I love Pat a little bit more than he loves me. But that’s okay; statistically, one is always loved a bit more than the other. I have trouble believing we’re even compatible because ??? look at him ??? and then look at me ??? and it drives Pat insane.

[dailyofficereadings]

Daily Office Readings November 23, 2017 at 11:00PM

Psalm 102

Psalm 102

Prayer to the Eternal King for Help

A prayer of one afflicted, when faint and pleading before the Lord.

1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you. 2 Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress. Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call.

3 For my days pass away like smoke, and my bones burn like a furnace. 4 My heart is stricken and withered like grass; I am too wasted to eat my bread. 5 Because of my loud groaning my bones cling to my skin. 6 I am like an owl of the wilderness, like a little owl of the waste places. 7 I lie awake; I am like a lonely bird on the housetop. 8 All day long my enemies taunt me; those who deride me use my name for a curse. 9 For I eat ashes like bread, and mingle tears with my drink, 10 because of your indignation and anger; for you have lifted me up and thrown me aside. 11 My days are like an evening shadow; I wither away like grass.

12 But you, O Lord, are enthroned forever; your name endures to all generations. 13 You will rise up and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to favor it; the appointed time has come. 14 For your servants hold its stones dear, and have pity on its dust. 15 The nations will fear the name of the Lord, and all the kings of the earth your glory. 16 For the Lord will build up Zion; he will appear in his glory. 17 He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and will not despise their prayer.

18 Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet unborn may praise the Lord: 19 that he looked down from his holy height, from heaven the Lord looked at the earth, 20 to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die; 21 so that the name of the Lord may be declared in Zion, and his praise in Jerusalem, 22 when peoples gather together, and kingdoms, to worship the Lord.

23 He has broken my strength in midcourse; he has shortened my days. 24 “O my God,” I say, “do not take me away at the midpoint of my life, you whose years endure throughout all generations.”

25 Long ago you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. 26 They will perish, but you endure; they will all wear out like a garment. You change them like clothing, and they pass away; 27 but you are the same, and your years have no end. 28 The children of your servants shall live secure; their offspring shall be established in your presence.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Psalm 107:1-32

BOOK V

(Psalms 107–150)

Psalm 107

Thanksgiving for Deliverance from Many Troubles

1 O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever. 2 Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, those he redeemed from trouble 3 and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south.[a]

4 Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to an inhabited town; 5 hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. 6 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress; 7 he led them by a straight way, until they reached an inhabited town. 8 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. 9 For he satisfies the thirsty, and the hungry he fills with good things.

10 Some sat in darkness and in gloom, prisoners in misery and in irons, 11 for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. 12 Their hearts were bowed down with hard labor; they fell down, with no one to help. 13 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; 14 he brought them out of darkness and gloom, and broke their bonds asunder. 15 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. 16 For he shatters the doors of bronze, and cuts in two the bars of iron.

17 Some were sick[b] through their sinful ways, and because of their iniquities endured affliction; 18 they loathed any kind of food, and they drew near to the gates of death. 19 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; 20 he sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from destruction. 21 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. 22 And let them offer thanksgiving sacrifices, and tell of his deeds with songs of joy.

23 Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the mighty waters; 24 they saw the deeds of the Lord, his wondrous works in the deep. 25 For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. 26 They mounted up to heaven, they went down to the depths; their courage melted away in their calamity; 27 they reeled and staggered like drunkards, and were at their wits’ end. 28 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out from their distress; 29 he made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. 30 Then they were glad because they had quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven. 31 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind. 32 Let them extol him in the congregation of the people, and praise him in the assembly of the elders.

Footnotes:

Psalm 107:3 Cn: Heb sea

Psalm 107:17 Cn: Heb fools

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

1 Maccabees 4:36-59

Cleansing and Dedication of the Temple

36 Then Judas and his brothers said, “See, our enemies are crushed; let us go up to cleanse the sanctuary and dedicate it.” 37 So all the army assembled and went up to Mount Zion. 38 There they saw the sanctuary desolate, the altar profaned, and the gates burned. In the courts they saw bushes sprung up as in a thicket, or as on one of the mountains. They saw also the chambers of the priests in ruins. 39 Then they tore their clothes and mourned with great lamentation; they sprinkled themselves with ashes 40 and fell face down on the ground. And when the signal was given with the trumpets, they cried out to Heaven.

41 Then Judas detailed men to fight against those in the citadel until he had cleansed the sanctuary. 42 He chose blameless priests devoted to the law, 43 and they cleansed the sanctuary and removed the defiled stones to an unclean place. 44 They deliberated what to do about the altar of burnt offering, which had been profaned. 45 And they thought it best to tear it down, so that it would not be a lasting shame to them that the Gentiles had defiled it. So they tore down the altar, 46 and stored the stones in a convenient place on the temple hill until a prophet should come to tell what to do with them. 47 Then they took unhewn[a] stones, as the law directs, and built a new altar like the former one. 48 They also rebuilt the sanctuary and the interior of the temple, and consecrated the courts. 49 They made new holy vessels, and brought the lampstand, the altar of incense, and the table into the temple. 50 Then they offered incense on the altar and lit the lamps on the lampstand, and these gave light in the temple. 51 They placed the bread on the table and hung up the curtains. Thus they finished all the work they had undertaken.

52 Early in the morning on the twenty-fifth day of the ninth month, which is the month of Chislev, in the one hundred forty-eighth year,[b] 53��they rose and offered sacrifice, as the law directs, on the new altar of burnt offering that they had built. 54 At the very season and on the very day that the Gentiles had profaned it, it was dedicated with songs and harps and lutes and cymbals. 55 All the people fell on their faces and worshiped and blessed Heaven, who had prospered them. 56 So they celebrated the dedication of the altar for eight days, and joyfully offered burnt offerings; they offered a sacrifice of well-being and a thanksgiving offering. 57 They decorated the front of the temple with golden crowns and small shields; they restored the gates and the chambers for the priests, and fitted them with doors. 58 There was very great joy among the people, and the disgrace brought by the Gentiles was removed.

59 Then Judas and his brothers and all the assembly of Israel determined that every year at that season the days of dedication of the altar should be observed with joy and gladness for eight days, beginning with the twenty-fifth day of the month of Chislev.

Footnotes:

1 Maccabees 4:47 Gk whole

1 Maccabees 4:52 164 b.c.

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Revelation 22:6-13

6 And he said to me, “These words are trustworthy and true, for the Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, has sent his angel to show his servants[a] what must soon take place.”

7 “See, I am coming soon! Blessed is the one who keeps the words of the prophecy of this book.”

Epilogue and Benediction

8 I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I heard and saw them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who showed them to me; 9 but he said to me, “You must not do that! I am a fellow servant[b] with you and your comrades[c] the prophets, and with those who keep the words of this book. Worship God!”

10 And he said to me, “Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, for the time is near. 11 Let the evildoer still do evil, and the filthy still be filthy, and the righteous still do right, and the holy still be holy.”

12 “See, I am coming soon; my reward is with me, to repay according to everyone’s work. 13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.”

Footnotes:

Revelation 22:6 Gk slaves

Revelation 22:9 Gk slave

Revelation 22:9 Gk brothers

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Matthew 18:10-20

The Parable of the Lost Sheep

10 “Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones; for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven.[a] 12 What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. 14 So it is not the will of your[b] Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.

Reproving Another Who Sins

15 “If another member of the church[c] sins against you,[d] go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.[e] 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

Footnotes:

Matthew 18:10 Other ancient authorities add verse 11, For the Son of Man came to save the lost

Matthew 18:14 Other ancient authorities read my

Matthew 18:15 Gk If your brother

Matthew 18:15 Other ancient authorities lack against you

Matthew 18:15 Gk the brother

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE)

New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.