#look its random and completely unnecessary but ANGST

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Riot Kings, page 179.0

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[norrizzandpia]

I’d like to be the start of your writing for Spence. I’m an absoluteWHORE for your angst and just angst in general 🫣. Can I request a Spencer x fem!reader who also works for the BAU where they have a massive argument like borderline break up and then she gets shot while jn the field and the bullet misses the FBI vest and he’s worried over her and everything and just lots and lots of angst. You can choose the ending😘)

Happy ending!

Children (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Summary: Y/n and Spencer have always been in love, talks of the future always prevalent. But, a fight about what happens when they have a baby sparks ruin for their entire relationship. A bullet sparks ruin for Y/n herself.

Warnings: takes of child abduction, shootings, hospitals, language, ANGSTT

Note: a new installment to my one-off Spencer Reid imagines lol

Y/N POV

Can’t he just shut up and listen to me? This fight is unnecessary, completely based on something so hypothetical. A fight about children, not that if we’ll have any, but what will happen if we do.

“I’m not gonna quit my job, Spencer! How could you even think I would do that? Do you know me at all?” I huffed, staring at him as if everything he was saying didn’t make sense. It didn’t.

His tall form loomed over me like he was trying to intimidate me into conceding. Apparently he truly had no idea who I was. “If you get pregnant, of course I’m gonna ask you to quit this job. You can get another one anywhere else, but the dangers of this job are nothing for a child.”

I rolled my eyes, “Nobody’s saying it isn’t! But, it’s my job and my life and I decide when I leave this position. I decide what I do when I’m pregnant.”

His arms crossed together in front of him and his eyes were smoldering, even though he refused to look at me - I could tell. “Really? So, I have no say in the trajectory of our child’s life?”

I scoffed and withdrew from him, sitting in the corner to gain some sort of space. Thirty minutes ago, we had been going through files and trying to find any connection to this child and its abductor. An unserious comment by Spencer about the mother being absent in her child’s life, leading to his disappearance, had my eyebrow raising. A quick clarification and confirmation that Spencer did, in fact, expect me to leave the BAU the second I found out I was pregnant had me all, but happy. Thirty minutes ago, the future of us seemed there and tangible, now it was messy.

In the middle of a random conference room, I yelled at Spencer and he yelled at me. Truthfully, I was beginning to lose sight of what was even being said, the points I was trying to make, but I refused to back down. Not when my career was at stake.

“I never said that! All I’m saying is that I can handle a baby and a job all at the same time, Spencer. I don’t need you dictating my capabilities.” My cheeks flushed and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Morgan leaning against the wall, listening to our argument. Maybe he could talk some sense into the man that stood before me.

Spencer shook his head then held it in his hands, “God, you’re so stupid. That’s not what I’m say-”

My eyes bulged, “What did you just say? I’m so stupid? Oh, I’m so sorry, Spence, that your girlfriend can’t keep up with your IQ.” I scoffed and let my eyes glaze over to stop the tears, “If you think I can’t fucking keep up with you then why do you even fight with me? Clearly, according to you, your points are beyond me.”

His gaze trained on me, scarily cold, “They are. If they weren’t, you’d be agreeing with me.”

The small insecurity in me, the one that was so heavily aware of all that Spencer was, swallowed me whole. “Well, if I’m such a fucking basket case, why am I the mother of your children in your head?”

I needed him to reassure me. I needed him to drop the distant eyes and come back to me. I needed all of this to be over with and I needed the Spencer I knew to tell me he still saw me as the future of his everything.

But, he shook his head, so confidently, and reaffirmed it all, “Good point. Finally, a decent point made by you in the past thirty-seven minutes.”

The tears welled in my eyes and I couldn’t help the sound of them in my voice, “Perfect! Whatever woman you meet that you love more than me, enough to have your children, I hope she’s willing to put her whole life on hold for you.”

He shrugged, “Thanks.”

His long legs stalked out of the room and I heard Morgan’s voice badgering him the second he entered the hallway.

Me, I let myself sit in the chair behind me for a few moments before wiping the tears away and looking back at the files splayed about the table. There was a child missing. My woes didn’t matter right now.

Spencer couldn’t matter right now.

—

I could feel the tension in the car, Spencer’s thigh right up against mine as Emily eyed us in the rearview mirror. I wasn’t surprised our fight was known to the entire group an hour after we had had it, but it still was numbing to experience the pure pain of his words whilst trying to shove them all down. I couldn’t stomach it, the meaning of what he said. Neither of us had said it, the horrific topic that hadn’t come up in the five years we had been together, but Spencer essentially did with his definitive statement about me not being in his future. I know I led him there. I know people sometimes say things they don’t mean in fights, but he’s Spencer. Usually, he’s composed and thinks before he lets important words go. I don’t know how those sentences could ever leave his mouth without him truly meaning them.

Penelope briefs us on our way to the unsub’s house. His background, disturbing, and his connection to the child, fired teacher at the school the boy goes to, all checked out.

Emily’s finger waves as she scolds all of us, “Do not shoot unless we have the child and there’s probable cause. We want this guy alive.”

There are nods all around the SUV and out of the front window, I can see cop cars lined in the street. Not a single officer makes a noise as they wait for Emily’s call. Her eyes turn to me.

”Y/n, I need you to go in first. Our team will follow behind. You’re the best at negotiating.” I nod and she smiles at me, but Spencer stands in front of me before I can make a move.

”Woah, this guy’s completely unpredictable. It’s way too dangerous for her to go in front.” He questions Emily and my rage bubbles over.

My hand nudges him out of the way, our stares at each other, “I’m not pregnant, so it's fine, right?”

His eyes roll and Morgan laughs under his breath before my steps are bringing me to the door of the old, white house.

The door creaks as I open it and I hear small cries coming from a few rooms down. I look back, the team behind me with their guns drawn. They’re all looking for possible targets about the room, but Spencer stares at me. His eyes bore into mine and I know he’s anxious. I’m still so angry, but the look he gives me, the one I’ve been subjected to over the past years, makes all the second guessing I was doing fade away. Nobody looks at another person that way if they don’t see rings and babies with them. He still waits for a future with me, just like I do him.

Now’s not the time, though. The cries become louder and my head snaps to the direction of them.

Spencer can wait.

Spencer has to wait.

Justin holds a gun to our team, the boy behind him. His hand shakes and I immediately begin gathering what I’m going to say. His sweating face and jittering body tell me he never planned this out correctly. He was never smart enough to pull off a crime such as this and he knows it. He knows jail is destined for him. He’s scared. After the childhood he’s had, he needs to know a life of terror does not await him. If anything, the court will order him to a mental institution. The man’s not dangerous, he’s haunted. We all are a little bit.

”Justin, can you put down the gun for me?” I say, my voice soft and quiet. My hands are up and I take a step toward him.

The gun waves, “Do not come any further.”

Somebody’s gun clicks behind me. I know it’s Spencer.

I nod, “Okay. Can you tell me why you took Oliver?”

Oliver, the poor boy, stands behind Justin with a teary face. From what I can see, he’s not physically harmed and he looks to be the same weight he was before. From an external perspective, Oliver is fine.

Justin cries, “His family wasn’t feeding him. They weren’t taking care of him. He wasn’t loved. He wasn’t nurtured in the way he needs to be.”

I give a reassuring smile, “And you thought you could give that to him?”

Justin nods and I take another step. His gun waves a bit more, but I’m not scared. Men like him never shoot.

“I said to not come closer!” He yells, but I take another step.

My hands go up higher, “I know, but I just need Oliver, Justin. Can you give me Oliver? I promise he’ll be alright. We just need to talk as adults.”

Justin hesitates before pushing Oliver toward Morgan. Morgan’s gun gets put in his holster before he’s ushering the sobbing boy out of the room, consoling him as much as he can. With the boy gone, I know I can be a bit more aggressive.

I take another step.

”Stop!” Justin yells.

”Put down the gun, Justin.” I take another step.

His eyes fly about the room and just as I make the decision to back off, his gun clicks and fires.

It’s almost like I watch the bullet make its way to me. For a split second, the memory and feeling of my vest soothes me, but the blinding pain in my neck pushes me to the floor. I still think I haven’t been hit, but blood on my hands when I retract it from the spot that numbs my entire body makes the adrenaline leave my body.

I’ve been shot in the neck.

Another gun goes off and I watch Justin fall to the floor. There’s a scream and then Spencer’s looming over me, his eyes on mine as his fingers press on the wound. I wince and he apologizes, but I can barely hear it. His mouth is moving, but nothing meets my ears. The tears falling from his face land on my cheek and it all becomes surreal.

I can’t form words, can’t communicate in any way. I’m going to die and Spencer will never know I knew he didn’t mean any of it.

—

THIRD PERSON POV

Spencer’s knee bounces up and down in the dim waiting room of the hospital. Morgan’s hand stays on his shoulder in a silent reminder that he’s there. Blood dries on Spencer’s sleeves, smudging on his face as he continues to rub his red fingers against his skin.

“Do you think I was wrong for asking her to leave her job?” He voices the question that he hasn’t stopped thinking about since they got into their fight.

Morgan sighs, “I think she’s right that it’s her life. Yes, it would be your baby, but she’s capable of making decisions herself. She has been in the multitude of years she spent without you. I get your concern, I really do, but imagine if she was asking you to quit your job.”

He knows he’s right, but it’s hard to stomach. Knowing she’s lying on a table, completely open, knowing there’s a potential she doesn’t come back, knowing he might have no chance to tell her how much he wants forever with her makes him vomit in the trash can next to him.

Morgan grimaces and looks away before Spencer awkwardly puts the bin back down, sorry for the person that has to find it sometime soon.

“I do want a future with her. Not with anyone else.” He whispers, his voice choppy from the tears.

Morgan pats his shoulder, “I know you do, kid. I would never doubt that for a second.”

Again, ever so quietly, “I love her so much.”

Again, a pat on his shoulder, “I know you do. She knows that too.”

Spencer turns in his seat, his face grave, “But, you didn’t see the way she looked at me when I said she was stupid. How stupid am I! She’s one of the smartest people I know! She has never and will never be stupid in my mind. God, I’m so fucking stupid.”

Morgan doesn’t say anything, a silent agreement. “You love her. You’ll get to tell her. That’s what matters.”

”How could I walk away from her like that? Leave it like that? All I’ve ever done is love her. Never was I angry at her more than I love her, never was I disappointed in her more than I love her. My entire life is lived because I love her. I’m not ready to lose her yet.” He can barely get the words out, but he does and it’s all the more heartbreaking.

Morgan saw all the blood, Morgan saw the life leaving her skin. But, Morgan also saw the life she was as a person, the brightness she brought to everyone around her. He saw the way she made Spencer feel. Stripping the life from someone like that, someone like Y/n, would take a lot because it was just that big.

—

Y/N POV

The light behind my eyelids is way too bright for my liking. People need to dim the bulbs in a hospital. Jesus Christ, nobody ever likes anything that bright.

The weight around my hand and arm is what forces my eyes open. Brown hair falls around my lap as one hand clutches my own and the other arm slithers up against mine and cradles it.

I let my fingers slip from his grip and fall into the knots of his hair, scratching lightly. It wakes him and in the moment where Spencer resides in the space between consciousness and unconsciousness, he lets his hand find mine in his hair.

“That feels nice.” He murmurs and I smile.

”Spence,” I whisper, “wake up.”

He stays quiet for a moment, I almost think he’s gone back to sleep, but his hands begin to reach for different parts of my body. Clutching my hips, my waist, my arms, my hands in order to gauge the reality of the situation. I giggle and he sighs.

”This isn’t a dream. Please, don’t be a dream.”

I laugh again and squeeze his arm, “It’s not a dream.”

The man rises to his full height, suddenly leaning over me to kiss me quickly. When he pulls back, he begins his nervous rambling.

”I didn’t mean what I said. You’re not stupid. You’re so far from it. I want a future with you. I need a future with you. Of course, I do. I hate doing anything without you. I can’t have you not in my life.” He stares at me, his fingers tangling with mine.

“Spence?”

”Yes?”

”I know.”

He breathes and it sounds like it's the first real breath he’s taken since the last time I saw him.

“I’m so sorry. If you want to stay at the BAU, just take a maternity leave, I support you in that decision. This is your life, you make your own decisions. It would be our baby, I make decisions with you on our baby. I don’t make decisions about your life. I’m sorry.”

I rub his hand.

”I know.”

He lets himself fall back into his chair, clearly relieved. He holds his chin in his hands and stares at me. His brown eyes make me chuckle, “What?”

”Nothing, just happy to enjoy the view once more.” He smiles and I swat my hand at him in the air, rolling my eyes. My grin is ear to ear, though.

A silence passes between us before I’m gesturing to the bandage across my neck, “Do you think this will leave a cool enough scar for me to tell our children?”

Spencer nods, “For sure. Hell, not even our children will find it cool. I will too. The team even.”

My head cocks, “Where is the team anyway?”

He smiles, “They left yesterday. They’ll be here later today. They said they wanted me to be the first person you saw so we could get all the ‘bad blood’ out of the air.”

The laughing that ensues from me pains the hole in my neck so I resort to controlled snickering, “So, the team knows how serious we are about children now?”

Spencer waves his hand at me, “Oh, they knew all about how serious our future was together the second you started at the BAU and I was fawning over you with every step you took.”

[jinnirev]

Falling, Fallen (NSFW)

☆ Pairing: Han Jisung x fangirl!reader

☆ Synopsis: Jisung feels a sudden attraction towards a particular fangirl.

☆ t/w: slowburn, depicts mental health struggles, slight angst, jisung stalks the reader on social media, lowkey parasocial relationship on the readers side 💀 choking (jisung chokes in food and reader performs choking exercises), oral sex (f!receiving), softdom!jisung x sub!reader vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, creampie, overstimulation if u squint, porn with plot

☆ Note: Happy birthday late Jisung!! GUYS I COULDNT FINISH THIS IN TIME AND I GOT SICK 😭😭😭😭

Han Jisung. A hardworking idol, someone who tries his hardest to perform despite how he feels. It broke your heart every time you saw him in interviews. After the latest comeback, 5 Star dropped, fans noticed Jisung feeling extremely down. You couldn't stand seeing him look so sad, his usual energetic personality toned down to just a couple of smiles here and there.

"My moustache can be seen?" Han immediately pulled up his mask after reading that comment in the livestream. God, you hated that. Hated the fact that people were pointing unnecessary things out, he was barely showing his face before that comment, now his face was completely covered by the bucket hat he had on his head and the white mask.

Immediately, you rush to comment, sweet, encouraging words to him.

y/nnie: Noo! We don't mind it! :(

y/nnie: Please don't cover your face, you look good

y/nnie: your hair is so pretty I would start barking if you took off your hat

Jisungs glances at the comments, your comments being one of the first ones he sees. He tilts his head up to the camera, his eyes filled with a hint of amusement, "you'd bark for me to take off my hat?" he asked with a deep chuckle. God, you forgot how wide of a vocal range he had. Sometimes, his voice would sound so deep it made you feel things.

You almost screamed to yourself when you realised that he had read your comment, your fingers immediately rushing to type more

y/nnie: YES PLSD I WOULD PLS 🙏

y/nnie: YOURE SO PRETTY I LVOEYOU AONMUUCH

Jisung lets out a brighter laugh this time, seeing your comments with the amount of typos made him chuckle. You were on cloud 9. You just made your favourite idol laugh on a livestream? In front of so many people?

☆☆☆

Han finally ended the live. After running on one hour of sleep and explaining his new song, he was quite tired. He went on his phone, going onto bubble to see what Stays had to say. Ah, it was the same person who wanted to bark for him to take off his hat.

y/n <3: You did so well! Go get some rest, Miserable was such a good song, I cried while listening to it 5 times 😭

y/n <3: eat well!

If he was being honest, Han usually gets sweet comments like these from Stays. But for some odd reason, he felt his heart swelling, butterflies shooting straight to his belly as he read what you said. He looked at your profile picture. It was a cute selfie of you smiling to the camera. Your hair styled perfectly to suit your face shape, makeup done in a way that enhanced your facial features, you were breathtaking.

He quickly switched apps, going onto Instagram to see if he could find more of you. He switched to his personal account. Obviously, he couldn't be seen using the official Straykids account. Who knows what crazy rumours sasaengs can come up with? Typing your name into the search bar, he scrolled and scrolled, finally finding an account, its profile picture set as Han Quokka. He pressed into it, relief overflowing his senses when he realised that your account was public.

Was he being a stalker? He felt quite guilty for trying to find out more about his fan like this, but he thought that you were just so pretty. How could he not? Jisung looked at your highlights, posts, and stories. You were an average girl, random posts about food, some occasional OOTDs which he wished were more so that he could see more of your style.

Jisung catches himself celebrating when he finds out you don't have a boyfriend. Or at least he assumes that you don't have one since you don't post any pictures of men. He decided to take a break from the stalking. The one hour of sleep seriously kicking in, he decided to return back to his dorm.

☆

12.37 am.

Jisung woke up feeling his back aching. He shot up, wincing in pain. He sat there in silence until his stomach rumbled. Ah, he hadn't eaten much. He lets out a sigh as he goes to brush his teeth, grabbing his beanie and a mask before heading out the door.

The night was silent. The stars would've been shining brightly if it had not been for the bright lights of the city. He could still see a couple of them, blinking and basking in all of its glory. He walks silently, the chirping of the crickets fills his ears, the soft breeze blowing in his direction. There was just something about the night that made him feel at peace.

He arrived in front of the local convenience stall, pushing the glass door open. The classic convenience store bell rings, indicating he had stepped foot into the stall.

Jisung grabs the usual cup noodles that he likes, chicken breast and an Iced Americano. He places it onto the counter, greeting the cashier before pulling out his phone. He quickly paid for his food before thanking the cashier and going over to the food preparation station.

Quietly, he prepares his food. His fingers reached up to pull down his mask to, getting a sip of his Iced Americano and letting out a happy 'mmhm!'. He takes a seat at the seating area, disappointed that there was only one. The table, which connected to the large window, perched a girl, quietly sipping at her drink and scrolling mindlessly on her phone. Han decided to just take a seat next to her. He was just there to eat his food, nothing more, nothing less.

He took a bite out of his noodles until he hears the sudden blaring of one of Straykid's songs from the girls headphones next to him. The noodles that he had been trying to eat getting caught in his throat as he lets out loud coughs. He was caught completely off guard when he hears God's Menu blasting from her headphones.

The girl turns to him, surprised by the loud coughing and sputtering next to her. Immediately, she spoke up, "Are you choking?" her voice filled with both panic and concern for his wellbeing.

Han could only look into her eye, nodding frantically, still coughing. She immediately gets up off her seat, pulling Jisung off his seat, making him stand up straight. She wrapped her arms around his abdomen, balling one of her hands up into a fist, the other one wrapped above it. Using some force, she thrusted repeating it until he spits out the noodles he had lodged in his throat.

Jisung lets out gasps for air. The girl rushes away before scurrying back with a bottle of water in her hand, holding it in front of Jisung. He takes the bottle, chugging it down.

"Don't drink so fast, you might choke again!" The girl warns, worried that he might choke on the water.

Jisung finally puts the bottle down, turning to the girl who he was ready to thank for saving his life. His gaze landed on her, suddenly everything was clicking in his head. This girl was the same girl we was stalking earlier, it was you!

His face suddenly flushes in embarrassment when he realises this was his first interaction with you, definitely not ideal, but hey, at least he got to feel your hands around his waist.

"Are you okay?" Your voice breaks him out of his train of thoughts as his face gets even redder when he realises he was just staring at you, blanked out.

"Sorry.. Just wanted to thank you for saving my life," he chuckles, rubbing at his nape. He averts his eyes from yours, clearly very embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it, you should be careful when you're eating," You flash him a pretty smile, even when your voice was laced with concern, he could only focus on how pretty you looked. Your hair was let loose, barefaced and wearing only a grey hoodie and loose wide legged black pants.

Jisung pulls out a tissue that he had stuffed into his pocket, cleaning up the noodles that he had spat out which landed in the table. His face still red from the embarrassment, he doesn't know how he's going to recover from this one.

He hears you moving, taking a seat on the chair that you had previously been sitting in. Jisung sits down as well, silence filling the air before he breaks it, "Uh.. so, do you know who I am?"

You turn to him, smiling sweetly at him, "Are you Jisung from Straykids?"

Han nodded, flashing you a small smile. He still couldn't get over how he embarrassed himself. He doesn't know why but he started talking again, "I, uh.. started choking cause I heard you listening to God's Menu," he chuckled, smiling at you sheepishly.

You burst out laughing, tears starting to brim at your eyes from what you heard. "I can't believe I made THE Han Jisung choke..." You giggled. God, that was like classical music to his ears. It made him forget about how embarrassed he was as he laughed as well.

"You almost killed me, you know?" Han voiced out, his eyes landing on your pretty orbs, the way they looked as if they had the entire universe in it. It sucked him in.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you choke.." You apologised, sounding half serious and half in a joking manner. Jisung chuckled before silence fills the air again. It was a comfortable silence, one which had the two of you staring into each others eyes, not a word leaving your lips.

"I saw your comments," Jisung's lips turn upwards into a cocky smile. A small gasp emitted from your throat, your cheeks quickly getting hot. "W-Which one..?" You cupped your cheeks in your hands, trying to cool it down while trying to desperately avoiding eye contact with him.

He cracked up, "The one about barking, and the bubble one about you crying 5 times to my song," His laughter fills the in the empty convenience store.

"If you weren't right in front of me, I'd be screaming, kicking my legs and celebrating.. I'm sorry, I'm never commenting things like that ever again." You keep my eyes fixated onto the wooden table even though you could feel Jisung's gaze burning holes into you.

"I don't mind, really, but if let's say... hypothetically, if I were to take off my beanie right now, would you start barking?" Jisung snickered. You looked up at him with wide, horrified eyes. A dangerously handsome smirk on his face as he wiggles his eyebrows.

"What?! N-No way!" You scoffed before speaking again, "I can't just throw away my dignity like that..." You let out an embarrassed laugh, acting as if you weren't just thristing for him just a few hours ago.

Jisung snorted, "I see your comments every day, you know?" He had a mischievous smile on his face, eyes glinting with excitement when he saw how flustered you were. You quickly covered your face, "I'm never commenting ever again..." You spoke with your face buried into the palms of your hands. The tip of your ears burned bright red, Jisung couldn't help but laugh at your reaction.

He realised that you were genuinely embarrassed, his hand landing in your shoulder as he rubs it soothingly, "I like your comments though, they made my day better," He whispered sweetly, his cheeks also starting to get flushed.

You raised your head up from your palms, making direct eye contact with him. A sheepish smilen plastered in your face, "Y-You actually remember me?" Jisung nods in response, "I liked your profile picture, I thought it was pretty," He says again in a shy whisper.

Was the Han Jisung flirting with you right now? Seriously? At 1am in the morning in some random convenience store?

Your cheeks immediately turned into a dark hue of red, giggling at his statement, "I can't believe THE Han Jisung is flirting with me right now..." Jisung blushes, reality hitting him hard when he realised that he was trying to hit up a fan.

"God.. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.." Now it's Jisung's turn to be embarrassed. He whipped his head away from you, his fingers rubbing at his temples. He feels your hand land on his shoulder, rubbing his shoulder the same way he was rubbing yours earlier.

"I liked it," you giggled, "are you not gonna finish your food?" You asked, voice sounding a little bit worried. Jisung turned to you, "It almost killed me, I'm not hungry anymore.." His lower lips poked out. Was he consciously making puppy eyes? Either way, it made you melt in your seat.

"But you need to eat," You say with worry, "how about this, I'll treat you to something nice since I was the one who made you choke," You proposed with a grin, Han swears the more you smile, the more he was getting energised. At this point, he thinks he can survive just from seeing you smile alone.

Jisung nods, "I'd like that, let's go," he excitedly stands up, throwing away the now cold and sad looking chicken noodles. "What?" You're confused as he cleans up the table. "But you should go rest, didn't you say that you had one hour of sleep?"

Jisung looks over at you, "I already slept earlier," he grinned. His heart fluttered at how you remembered what he said during the livestream, god, you were so cute. "But I want to treat you to something nice. All the good restaurants are closed now," you pouted.

"But you promised," He whined, grabbing your hand and ushering you to clean up and leave. You let out a sigh, "Fine.. what do you want to eat then?" Jisung smiled from ear to ear, "Ramen, I know a good place. It's open till 3am, we still have time so hurry!" He helps you grab your empty plastic cup, dumping it into the dustbin next to the table before grabbing your hand in his and pulling you out the convenience store.

☆☆☆

The sounds of the two of your footsteps filled your ears. Again, Jisung was under the night sky, this time with someone who he thought was even prettier than the starry night sky. He shoves his hands into his hoodie pocket, letting out a sigh in relief when he feels the warmth of his pockets engulfing his hands that were previously shivering in the cold.

The flickering street lamps were not quiet either as you followed Jisung. The streets were dead silent, not a single person in sight. "Do you know my name?" You suddenly ask, looking up at him with your pretty eyes. He wanted to capture the moment, the sight of you looking up at him with your gorgeous eyes that seemed to shine even brighter in the night. Your glossy lips that makes him want to press his lips against yours so badly, but he knows he could never do that.

"Y/n, right? I'm a good idol, so I remember my fans," He shoots you a wink as you giggle in response. Slowly, you clasp your hand around his, holding it up, "Not the be sappy and ruin the moment, but I hope that you will take good care of yourself. Don't rush yourself, yeah? We have all the time in the world to wait for you to feel better, so don't feel the need to be funny and energetic all the time."

Jisungs feels his heart pounding against his chest, his vision suddenly becoming blurry. "W-Wait, are you crying?" He hears your panicked voice, he heard some shuffling of your clothes before a soft napkin is dabbed against his teary eyes. He looks down at you, more tears starting to stream down his cheek when he sees you wiping his tears away for him. Your fingers worked on his face softly, treating him as if he were a delicate porcelain doll.

You feel his hand suddenly wrapped around your wrist, his other hand snaking its way around your waist, pulling you into an embrace. You let out a soft gasp when he buries his face into your neck. You could hear his choked sobs as he cries against the fabric of your cotton hoodie. With shakey hands, you wrapped your arms around him, your hands patting his back soothingly. Hearing his crying made you extremely emotional as well. You couldn't help but bury your face into his chest as you start to cry yourself.

Engulfed with each others scents, you felt at peace, even if you're crying your eyes out with him right now. The soft scent of his cologne filled your senses. He smelled of soft floral scent of roses and lilacs.

Jisung's crying stopped, but you didn't even notice as you were too absorbed into his scent to notice. He pulls away from you, with a frown on his face. He reaches up to cup your face in his hand as he tilts your head upwards to meet his gaze. Your eyes were puffy and red from crying, and you could say the same about Jisung's.

"Why were you crying?" Jisung asks in a whisper, his thumb wiping away the tear that falls from your eye, his voice shakey. You sniffled, "...It hurt me to see you cry," You finally get out after a long sniffle. His lips curve upwards into a loving smile, "I'll keep in mind to never cry in front of you ever again," He chuckles.

"What? No! You shouldn't bottle up your emotions. If you cry, we cry together, okay? Then we can cry it all out and feel better afterwards!"

He laughs, "Whatever you say, princess."

"Yah! We're not on pet name basis yet!" You slapped him on his shoulder, his eyes crinkling as he giggled at your response and how flustered you were.

☆☆☆

"Order whatever you want, it's on me," you grinned proudly, as the two of you walked into the ramen bar. The delicious aroma of bone broth filled your senses, you could feel yourself getting hungry after only drinking an iced latte.

"You don't mind if I order the most expensive one?"

"Don't push your limits," you glared at him, taking a seat. Jisung slides into the seat in front of you, smirking. "But you were the one who almost got me killed from choking," His fingers tapping against the table in, feigning a frown.

"You're a literal millionaire trying to milk money out of a poor girl. You should be embarrassed of yourself," you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest, furrowing your brows to make you look like you were mad.

"But you can afford to pay for Bubble," He shrugged before grabbing the menu and scanning through it. "You're so lucky I just met you today. If I had known you for a day more, I'd punch you," you scowled, watching him point at the most expensive option.

He looks up at you, his lower lips poking out, staring at you with the cutest puppy eyes he could muster. "Are you for real...?" You deadpanned, a sigh escapes your lips, "Fine.. order it, I'll pay." Han smiles brightly at your response, he pulls his phone out, scanning the QR code on the table to quickly order.

Jisung lifts up his head, "What would you like?" Still smiling brightly at you as if he wasn't about to burn a hole into your wallet. "Tonkotsu ramen with grilled chicken."

Han nodded, quickly submitting the order. He turns to you, "Tell me more about yourself, Y/n," he rests his chin on his palm, waiting for you to respond. "Uhh... what would you like to know?" You ask awkwardly, unsure of what to say.

"Hmm.. I dunno, like your job? Your relationship status? Uh, whether you want a boyfriend or not? Uh, do you think I'm your type.." He trails off, realising what he had said, he buries his face into his palm, groaning at himself.

You let out an amused chuckle, "Seriously? Han Jisung from Straykids wants to know if I have a boyfriend?" You laughed again, watching the boy squirm in his seat, cringing at himself. "Well, I don't have a boyfriend, you're in luck." You lean towards him.

He moved one of his fingers that was covering his eye, peeking out from under his hands, "Can I- Can I uh.. have your number," He asks shyly, almost in a whisper.

"God.. you don't know how hard it is for me to not pass out right now..."

Jisungs hands flies off his face in an instant, his shyness vanished as a concerned expression takes over his face, "WHAT?! ARE YOU OKAY? SHOULD I TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?"

You burst out laughing at his little outburst. Jisung stares at you in confusion, a frown on his lips as he tries to comprehend what was going on. "I'm okay... oh my god, you're so funny, Jisung..."

He rolled his eyes at you, "This isn't a joke, Y/n! You scared me!" he whined, grabbing your hand in his and pulling it back and forth. "I'm sorry, it's just that I'm still shocked that my bias is sitting right in front of me, asking for my number. It's crazy, you know?"

"So are you gonna give me your number or not?"

"Pass me your phone then, idiot," This time, it was your turn to roll your eyes at him. He quickly slides his phone over, and the contact page was already open and ready for you to type in your number.

"Yah! Have some respect, I'm older than you! Wait, am I? Wait, how old are you?"

"I'm 20, but it doesn't count cause I'm a foreigner!" You stuck your tongue out at him as if you were mocking him. "But you're in Korea, so you gotta do it!" He argued back. "Would you like it if I called you Oppa?" You immediately cringed at yourself when it rolled off your tongue, you felt like a disgusting Koreaboo. With fast fingers, you typed in your number before sliding his phone back to him.

Han nodded, a sly smile finding its way onto his lips. "No way I'm calling you that! I'd rather die than to be accused of being a Koreaboo!"

Your little banter was interrupted by the arrival of the food. The strong aroma of the nicely cooked meat combined with the warm broth, you swear you were drooling when you saw the bowl of noodles. You said a quick thank you before diving into your bowl of ramen, instantly forgetting about the banter that you were having with Jisung.

Jisung smiles to himself as he watches you struggle to put your noodles onto the big spoon. An eating habit that you've had for a long time. Jisung thought it was the cutest thing as he sneakily picked up his phone.

Snap!

"Did you just take a picture of me?" You asked with your eyes squinted, hands still working on putting the noodles onto your spoon.

"But you looked so cuteee," Han turned his phone towards you, showing you a picture of yourself with your brows furrowed, staring angrily at the spoon you held in your hand.

"I look so bad!" You whined, quickly trying to grab the phone out of Jisung's hand. Screw him and his quick idol reflexes. He moved his phone away in an instant, laughing at your miserable attempt of theft against his phone. "Han Jisung. I better not see you send that to anybody."

"Don't worry, it's gonna be safe kept in my phone."

☆☆☆

11am. Quiet snores fill your ears as your eyes flutter open. It was a quiet morning. The sun shone into your room through the small gaps of your curtain that was blown open by the soft breeze of the morning. Wait. You don't even snore, and why do you feel a hand wrapped around your waist?

You let out a loud gasp when you see Han peacefully asleep next to you, his hand wrapped around your waist as he snuggles closer to your body. Your mind wasn't comprehending what was happening until you blinked a couple of times and finally you remembered what happened.

Jisung begged to come over to your place last night. Who were you to say no to him when he was giving you puppy eyes again? He ended up dragging you to bed despite your protests that you both haven't showered.

"Good morning," His voice was all groggy. It was deep and somehow attractive. "We stink."

Jisung laughs when he heard what you said, "Are you gonna help me take a shower then?" His fingers trace at the skin of your belly, drawing random shapes onto it.

"Don't be creepy, I just met you yesterday," You rolled your eyes at the clearly disappointed man. "Pleaseee?" He tries again with the puppy eyes, thinking it would convince you for the third time. And it did. "Fine," You groaned, slipping out of the soft covers of your bed.

Jisung celebrates to himself when he hears your answer, quickly following behind you. Something about Jisung that many people don't know is how high of a sex drive he has. He couldn't help but stare at your ass while walking to the bathroom, the way it was perfectly plump in your pants. He wanted to hold it in the palm of his hands and slap it to watch the fat of your skin ripple.

"Are you kidding me? You got a boner from me agreeing to take a shower with you?" You had an amused smirk on your face, your index finger pointing at the awfully obvious bulge at his crotch. "But you're just so fine, how am I supposed to resist?" He whined, moving his palm to cover the tent in his pants.

You grabbed him by his hand, holding it in yours and pulling him into the bathroom. You slammed the door shut behind you. You slipped off your hoodie, revealing your bare torso. Jisung's eyes widened as he realised that you were braless the whole night with him. "Are you gonna take a shower with your clothes on?" You ask mockingly, slipping your pants off as well. Leaving you only in your black lacy panties.

Jisung curses, seeing your almost naked body had him getting all tense, blood immediately rushing to his cock. He felt himself get impossibly harder. He ripped off his hoodie in an instant, he was also not wearing anything underneath. Your jaw drops to the ground when you see his small but toned waist. His abs looked as if they were carved by the gods, his soft and milky skin that made him look so inviting to touch and mark up.

Jisung smirks when he sees you ogling his body. He removed his pants as well, leaving him in only his underwear. "Get on the sink, pretty girl," His voice was husky, the moment you heard that, you scurried to climb onto the sink. "You're excited aren't you?" He pushes your legs apart, bending down to your core as he stares it down.

You couldn't help but blush as he was practically breathing against your clothed pussy. You could feel your slick oozing out of you at the sinful sight of Jisung in between your legs. His wavy hair made him look divine. "You're very pretty," His fingers found its way to your pussy lips, rubbing at your clothed clit gently. You let out a small gasp at the stimulation, whining as it wasn't quite enough. "Stay still, princess." He holds your hips in place, stopping you from bucking them against his hands again.

"P-Please, Hannie? Don't tease," You whined, your panties were drenched by your slick at this point. He doesn't say a word as he opens his mouth, this tongue darting out and licking at you through the lacy fabric of your panties. Your hands flew down to his head, grasping at his soft brown locks.

He pulls away, looking up at you with the most gorgeous boba eyes you've ever seen in the universe. "Be patient, yeah? I'll give you what you want," His fingers tug at the waistline of your panties, tugging down your underwear. Your cunt suddenly feels so exposed, you could feel his hot breath against your wet core, the sight was truly something only you'd have the chance to see.

You let out a gasp when you feel him sucking on your clit. His saliva mixing with the wetness of your pussy beginning to make lewd, wet noises. He pulls away, diving into your cunt, you feel his tongue fucking into your tight hole. You were chanting his name like a mantra, hands still tugging at his hair. He stops his movements, pulling away slightly as you whine at the loss of contact. "Best pussy I've ever eaten." He dove right back into your cunt, slurping and sucking at your little pussy. His finger now rubbing circles at your clit, you felt your orgasm approaching.

"What are you doing?" Jisung looks up at you when you pull him away from your wet cunt. His chin covered in your juices, mouth all wet with a mixture of your slick and his saliva. "W-Wanna cum on your cock.."

Jisung lets out a chuckle, "I really wanted to taste you, though. But if you insist," He pulls down his underwear, his cock springing up, standing proud and tall. Your jaw falls wide open when you see the size of his cock. He was definitely above average.

"Speechless?" He rubs the hard tip of his cock against your wet, sensitive nub as you let out a whimper. "Hurry, Sungie.. want you so bad.."

That was all it took to convince him to push his cock through the tight folds of your cunt. He groans as he feels you clamping down on his cock, "Relax, princess, can't fuck you if your gonna choke my cock like that." You whimper in response, trying to keep your vagina relaxed so that he could work his way into you.

He lets out a lewd moan as he was finally buried to the hilt, your warmth engulfing his thick length had him wanting to cum on the spot. "F-Fuck.." He cursed, knowing he wasn't gonna last long. He reached down to your clit, rubbing at it as he rocks his hip slowly against yours, eliciting pretty moans to fall out your lips.

"F-Faster, Hannie, promise I can take it.."

Jisung drags his cock all the way out of you, leaving only his tip inside before slamming back into you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head when you felt the tip of his cock hitting that spongy spot inside of you, he was practically kissing your cervix with his cock at this point. "So deep!" You wailed as he pulls all the way out before slamming back into you again.

His hands holding your hips, his nails pressing into the soft skin of your hips. Leaving behind small, pretty crescents. He moves your hips with his, pounding his cock into you. His stamina never seemed to decrease as he continued at that pace, you could feel the knot in your stomach about to snap.

Through your mindless babbles of his name, you cry out as you feel the knot in your stomach snapping. Jisung lets out a growl as he watches your pussy cream all over his cock, clenching as your orgasm washes over your body. He slams into you even faster now, ignoring your whines of overstimulation.

"Mhm.. you can cum inside, Hannie~"

You felt his cock twitch inside you before he releases thick spurts of cum, moaning as painted your walls with his cum. He couldn't take his eyes off of your blissful expression as you felt him fill you up to the brim. Your cheeks all red and flustered, eyes rolling to the back of your head. God, you looked so amazing.

He pulled his cock out of you, watching as his cum slowly flows out of your poor little cunt. It trickles down your thighs before ultimately hitting the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

"Let's clean you up, yeah?"

[rosepetalmark]

it was good until it wasn’t

↬ pairing: kim doyoung x reader ↬word count: 3k ↬ genre: angst, mentions of fluff ↬warnings: mentions of sex, it’s pretty sad (you may shed a tear or two i’m v sorry) ↬ synopsis: breakups suck, especially when you’re still in-love and don’t understand where you both went wrong. 

he makes it look so easy.

ignoring your texts, coming home late, barely saying a word to you when you’re together. you can’t hate him for it though, you’re the exact same.

you wonder why he doesn’t break up with you already. your relationship was basically hopeless at this point and you both know it isn’t going anywhere- it hasn’t been going anywhere for months now.

it pains you seeing him not stare at you lovingly anymore. you grew so fond of the idea of  spending hours on the phone talking about the dumbest things, staying up late watching reruns of your favourite shows, even making him do face masks with you when you wanted to do self care days. you knew he loved it of course, but he always played it off as something he detested because seeing you pout over his lack of interest in a sheet mask always made him love you ten times more.

you haven’t felt his touch in two months. it was like you were living with a ghost, the feeling of his presence ever so prominent, but the actual feeling and embracement of him completely diminished. every morning he’d wake you up by kissing both your cheeks, quiet laughter humming from his chest as he admired your sleepy presence in his quest to get you to start your day.

now you wake up to the sound of him sighing as he leaves your shared bed, his empty presence filling the quiet room, causing you to feel lonely.

never in the several years of knowing doyoung did you ever imagine that his presence would become something that no longer brought you happiness.

you’ve both drifted, but you’re still together- too stubborn to admit to yourselves and each other that this relationship has run its course, forming a cohabitation with one another rather than maintaining a loving, healthy relationship.

it’s complicated, you like to believe. trying to puzzle together when everything went wrong. but you can’t because all you remember is that one day you were both madly in love with one another and the next you acted as if you were strangers.

deep down you’re scared. you’ve spent so many years and time and effort in your relationship with doyoung that you don’t truly know what life outside of him is like.

you may not have long talks anymore or stay up late watching movies or even have sex- damn you missed the days where you both would divulge in sex multiple times a week, but gosh did you find solace in his presence.

when he’s not there in bed beside you when you wake up each morning you feel empty, like a piece of your heart has been ripped out of your body and hidden halfway across the world for you to find.

he’s all you’ve touched and laughed and connected with in years and to have that ripped away from you is beyond frightening.

he’s all you know.

you yearn for the days when you were fresh in love and could never keep your hands off each other, wanting to be in each other’s presence 24/7.  sadly the days of two twenty years olds having quickies in the backseat of a car and drunkenly singing karaoke at three in the morning on friday nights at the local bar were long gone. you’re not two college kids in love anymore, just two completely different adults who fell out of it.  

it hurts reminiscing about the way his hands would find your waist and how his chin dipped into your neck when he found you speaking with your friends at parties; the way he would sing to you when you had trouble falling asleep,  bringing you to his piano to play you whatever melody he created earlier in the day just to bring you comfort, even if it meant he was losing sleep in the process.

you especially miss his attempts at making you iced coffee in the morning. it was such a mundane act, but no matter how hard he tried and how closely he followed the instructions you gave him (not as if making iced coffee was hard anyways), he’d always make it too bitter. but you still drank it anyway, because you loved doyoung with every fibre in your being, and anything he did for you made you appreciate and fall in love with him even more. everything he did for you showed how deeply he loved and cared for you.

now you don’t get any of it. no obnoxious flirting when out in public. no beautiful nights falling asleep to his soft, angelic voice, wrapped up warmly in his tender arms. and especially no bitter, watered down iced coffee.

you’re lucky enough if he holds your hand when out in public with friends, not wanting anyone to clue in on the lack of intimacy and love that ceases to exist between the two of you.

you used to be that annoying couple who couldn’t get enough of one another, always finding ways to be in each other’s presence whenever you went out together, wanting to show the world that you were his and he was yours. now you can barely look each other in the eyes for more than five minutes without an unnecessary argument beginning to brew.

you wish you could have that all back. the routine. the peace. the love you both shared. you’re just two adults who can’t even be mature enough to break off a six year relationship because you’re both too comfortable with the thought of one another; too scared to leave what you’ve built as a couple to realize that this once great love affair has turned into something so sad and toxic, pulling you back from what you both deserve in life.

your friends have been telling you to sit down and speak to him about your feelings, his urging you both to call it quits for months now, claiming you’re making your friendship dynamic awkward, and in the end only harming yourselves. but they don’t understand what it’s like to have something so beautiful ripped from your hands without a warning, because that’s what this all felt like. as if someone swooped in and stole your bond with doyoung, when in actuality it was just the two of you growing apart-one thing you never thought would ever occur.

those four dry months eventually turned into a fifth, and that’s when you knew you had to pull the plug. you couldn’t keep living like this- wasting your life and heart and energy on a relationship that ended so long ago. it was draining the life out of you both and it was painfully evident in your faces.

the days of crying over him have long passed, making it much easier to process that you won’t ever be with him again, mentally checking out after the first two months this distance became a regular occurrence. that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt ending a love that once was your everything.

you remember so clearly the day doyoung asked you out. it was a monday after a lecture you both shared, the both of you walking alongside campus, too invested in your conversations with one another to say goodbye. you both knew you had feelings for one another, every interaction between the two of you held an abundance of smiles and rosy red cheeks.

he bit the bullet and asked if you wanted to grab dinner some time, just the two of you and away from your chaotic friend group, wanting it to be an actual date and not a group outing.

that was six years ago, and the butterflies you felt in your stomach the moment he said he wanted to date you still linger when you think back to such heartfelt innocence.

when you finally decided enough was enough and the words eventually left your mouth, he wasn’t even upset. he showed no sign of emotion, a stoic expression stuck on his tender face, only a nod of agreement following your difficult confession.

he knew he didn’t have to say anything and you didn’t expect him to. there was no fighting for something that didn’t exist anymore. doyoung may have been your boyfriend by title, but these last few months he was just doyoung. not your lover. not your best friend. just doyoung.

a stranger you know who’s smile and laugh and kisses you’ll forever have ingrained in your brain, but have not come into pure contact with for an unreasonable amount of time.

and you can’t even hate him for this breakup because he hasn’t done anything wrong. you simply grew apart, and you hate how you drug it out for so long where it got to the point where you can’t even look him into the eyes without feeling some sort of pain and resentment. the only thing you wish you could go back and change was to talk about it, because who knows, the both of you could have either resolved whatever underlying issues you had, or you would’ve been broken up by now- not stranded and confused as to where your life and relationship is going.

you never pictured you’d end up like this, assuming by the time you were in your late twenties you’d be engaged, with a dog, constantly looking at homes online for you and doyoung to one day grow your future family in. you so desperately wanted to be his forever, the one he turned to for everything. the father of your children, the greatest love of your life the entire world had to offer.

that was all in the past now.

the entire “official” breakup didn’t even hit you until doyoung was moving his stuff out of your shared apartment, little pieces of him vanishing as each minute passed.                                    

the picture of your two year anniversary is no longer on display in the living room, the frame facing the table to signal that the once happy couple in that old photograph are no longer together and madly in love.

the pastel flower magnets doyoung loved to collect and place on the fridge ceased to exist, leaving your kitchen slightly less colourful and fun as they were tossed away in one of the many random boxes he got from the hardware store earlier.

even the ugly rustic coffee table you hated but he adored- something that totally clashed with the aesthetic of the apartment but reminded doyoung of his childhood, all removed from your shared space and never to be seen in your presence again. you begged doyoung for a new one years ago but he always managed to convince you it had charm, always flashing you a wide grin in his process to win your heart over. you never thought the day would come where you’d miss seeing it in your living room.

everything was so clean and spacious. everything was gone.

it was weird seeing your once cluttered home look so different. yet despite all the space, every single memory and experience you shared with doyoung was ever present in your mind, overwhelming you all at once as no future memories between the two of you will be made.

it felt like just yesterday you both signed the lease, accidentally spilling red wine on the brand new white rug doyoung bought an hour after you got the keys, knowing you were eyeing it for months online, refusing to buy it until you officially had a place together.  you were both so excited to start your lives here. to be young and to evolve and to explore your relationship in a manner more romantic and mature than you had the last few years.

all his instruments and songbooks that were once scattered in the corner of your living room are gone, packed in their cases and in doyoung’s car, awaiting their new home once he takes his remaining items and leaves.

it hurts the most when thinking about the bedroom. you haven’t slept there since he started packing his things four days ago, not wanting to get emotional over half the room and its belongings disappearing with what felt like a snap of the fingers.

but you had to make your way in there now, because all you could hear coming from the thin white wall down the hallway were soft, hiccupped sobs- such emotion you weren’t familiar with in months.

part of you wants to let him be and pretend like you hear nothing just so he can gather his thoughts and belongings and be on his way.

but you can’t. because despite how much you tell yourself that this is for the best and you’re past everything, you’re not. there’s a huge part of you that still cares so deeply for doyoung and you wouldn’t ever wish pain on him.

quietly walking into your bedroom towards your once shared bed, you sit beside him. grabbing his hand, you can feel the warmth radiating from his body, reminding you of the days you’d go on long walks, him never letting go of you because he never wanted to break physical contact.

“hi.” you whisper, not entirely sure how to spark a conversation with him. you haven’t been this vulnerable with him in what feels like forever, the last time you saw him cry was over two years ago when your relationship was seemingly at its best. he hasn’t been this upset was when he thought he lost taeyong’s dog, but it turned out that it was yuta’s day to watch him while he went to work.

“hey.” he says, his voice raspy and shaky due to the tears, his face red with anxiety.

“so we’re really doing this, huh?” you ask, your voice beginning to shake as well. seeing doyoung cry always breaks your heart, and the fact that he’s doing so after you both ended things makes you want to crawl in a hole and never leave.

this was hitting you too hard. so much harder than you could’ve ever imagined. you thought that because you both just fell apart and seemed unbothered by such a drastic change in your lives and relationship that he’d pack his things and you’d both be on with your lives. but now that you’re both separating from one another for good when all you’ve known was each other for years, it’s soul crushing.

doyoung is here in your once shared bedroom holding your hand and crying with you because you both failed to make your relationship work despite having such strong feelings for one another.

you love this man so much, yet you know there’s nothing you can do to bring you both back to the state you were once in. you’re different people now, and you can’t mold back into the two young, horny, and madly in love college sophomores anymore thinking you’re going to be together forever.

“god i hate this!” he yells in between sobs, his face getting more and more red as the tears stream down his face. and you hate this too, because you didn’t think this whole process would cause each of you to bawl your eyes out because you don’t want to leave a love and comfort you’ve both outgrown.

you wiped his tears with your fingers, caressing his cheeks to reassure him that none of this is his fault. you needed to be strong for him and yourself, because unfortunately this is life and even the shittiest things happen to good people.

falling out of love unfortunately falls into that category.

he places a kiss on your forehead and wraps his arms tightly around your frame as a final goodbye, embracing all of you within these last few moments as a reminder of how much love and respect he has for you.

“so this is it.” he whispers softly, slowly getting up from the bed and untangling himself from his previous hold on you, acting as if his emotional outburst didn’t even happen, composing himself to make this already hard process the slightest bit easier.

matching his actions, you get up as well and follow him out of the bedroom, glancing back at your half empty room and feeling your heart shatter.

no more stealing his sweaters when you’re cold and want to be comfy. no more late nights of talking or making love. no more doyoung.

“this is it.” you whisper back, not having much to say, the tightness in your chest growing further as you continue to relish in such heartbreak together. you were each other’s first serious loves, and not having that constant in your lives will be such a heart wrenching adjustment.

“i love you, doyoung.” you say, needing to remind him that there will always be a part of him in your heart and that you’re sorry things ended this way.

“i know, love. i’ll always love you. i’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“i’d like that.” you nod, the emotions filling up your chest, suddenly making it hard to breathe knowing this is all happening now. “be safe getting to your apartment.”

“always.” he winked, tears evident in his eyes as he began to turn his body away from yours and towards the final box beside the front door, turning the knob and leaving for good- gone from the love and home you’ve both invested so much time and warmth into.

you’ve spent so much of your life with this man, planned so much and anticipated such a beautiful future just for it to end and for you both not to know how to fix the broken pieces you left each other in.

maybe someday in the future you and doyoung will get back together and plan that beautiful wedding and have those three beautiful kids in a big house with a pool and a baby french bulldog.

but as for now you are letting go.

[tundrainafrica]

Note: Instead of posting a meta or a fic today, allow me to take a quick break from that because I think I really need to appreciate some people here and the fandom overall.  

February 7, 2021. 

Today, I turned 24 and my boyfriend surprised me with a gift I think I’ll be taking to heart for a very long time. 

The story behind the gift was as precious (or even more precious) as the gift itself and I thought I’d share it since it turned out some content creators were involved in this gift and I very much want to express how much this gift has defined this day for me and will place my 24th birthday as one of those birthdays I don’t think I’ll ever forget. 

Apparently, I had casually dropped both my tumblr and my ao3 account during one of our conversations and somewhere around November he had started looking through my bookmarks, my posts on tumblr and some of my interactions with people in the fandom.

I should have seen it coming. It had started with my boyfriend suddenly asking about my hyperfixation with Levihan.

Sav? Shipping? Sav? Binge reading ships and meta posts? Sav? Gushing about a fictional ship?

And I remember gushing about this with my seemingly uninterested boyfriend a long night after explaining what was oddly the most out of character thing for someone like me. 

I was sharing with him my metas and hcs and maybe, I was dropping a few of my favorite quotes along the way and it turned out he was interested. Suddenly he was asking me about my favorite fics, my favorite scenes. Suddenly, he was rereading my favorite fics with me and a few times, he was quoting those same scenes. I did find out he was looking through my blog when I got a random message from a really sketchy tumblr telling me to open my facebook. 

I suspected a few times that he could be planning something. December passed with nothing and eventually he stopped asking so I clocked that as a fevered dream or unnecessary assuming on my end and didn’t think too much of it after. 

It turned out my boyfriend had messaged my favorite authors about their fics and he commissioned one of my favorite artists (if not my favorite) to draw a few photos and bound them into a Levihan Anthology 

And it feels fucking amazing to receive something like this. To get Levihan which helped me through the worst of 2020, bound forever as a book I can just open up and read anytime. And I guess tearing up at receiving such a gift had me thinking of a lot of things at once (which were always at the back of mind) but I thought of sharing now. 

The past year wasn’t easy. Actually. don’t think it’s an understatement to say this past year was dog shit. With the covid pandemic and all plans after that cancelled, I’m sure we can all agree we had our ups and downs. 

I had a lot of my own plans completely thrown out the window for numerous reasons. I had plans of going to law school part time while building a career. And, I got a job right after college to make these plans come true. In September the law school I got accepted to (after working so damn hard the past year to get accepted) denied my appeal for night classes. I decided to drop my enrollment to focus on my career. A week later, my job laid me off. 

And for once in my life, I wasn’t going anywhere. And I lived in a house where everyone was always doing something and as soon as I lost my job I was pressured to find another one. But as we all know, searching for a job during this pandemic isn’t easy. I was still reeling after having dropped my enrollment just to focus on my job only to lose that job the week after with no prior notice. Everyone around me was busy doing their own thing. I had no one to talk to and for a while, I was falling into this pit of depression. 

My days consisted of me hiding under the covers of my bed in between the few interviews I would take day to day. Around that time, I decided to binge watch Attack on Titan as well 

I was never one to get hyper fixated in ships. In fact, this was the first ship since Royai and Victuuri which I have been so passionate. And this is a whole new level of passion. I think this is the first time I’ve ever written so much in this small amount of time. It was slow going. Just like Levi and Hange’s relationship, my fixation with this ship was a slowburn. 

Those days alone, I was reading fanfiction by the bundle, I was scrolling through the Levihan tag like a simp, leaving kudos in ao3 on a throwaway account and just scrolling through random people’s tumblr accounts. 

What happened during the one month? And when I was alone, sad, lonely and stagnant with no one to talk to, when everyone around me was living their own lives, all I had alone in the bedroom was Levi and Hange’s stories to keep me company between interviews. 

And the meta analyses and headcanons I had about their relationship were teaching me things. They were teaching me that life was never about how quickly you progress or how far you go. Maybe the real winners in life are the ones who can build good relationships, build relationships so mutually satisfying they keep each other growing and in those few moments reading, headcanoning ships, I did realize, maybe even as stagnant as I was at that moment, my life wasn’t dogshit. 

No one’s life is dogshit for a few small bumps along the way. Sometimes it just is part of the process of growing, learning to get past the worse, learning to manage relationships. And maybe it’s these relationships which make life worth living. Maybe it’s these struggles depicted in these stories and the bounce back. Maybe it’s the love, the life, the emotions so carefully described and depicted in every single story which makes life, life. 

With every single fic I read and every single fan art I scrolled through. Levihan was teaching my things about love, loss and life. 

Sometimes, these fandoms are the things which can catch people before they fall too low into something. These works and stories authors and artists shared so generously were what pulled me out of this state and are what inspired me to explore this relationship for all the potential its worth and maybe share my own stories and headcanons which people may learn a thing or two from or maybe just find some comfort and hope in.  

And these inspirations eventually evolved to writing. Writing 10,000 words in a day in between three interviews? I never was a writer but somehow, I found myself spending hours exploring the themes of love, loss and life with our favorite pairing 

I didn’t start writing out of nowhere. I didn’t start making metas out of nowhere. I needed the right inspiration, the right content to get me into this point where I could continue writing, reading, meta-ing, appreciating, headcanoning and everything in between.

And I just wanted to express my gratefulness to every single person in the fandom who had made it possible for me to pull out of that blackhole. Fandoms are underrated and I believe there are so many lessons which can be learned from the right content and from the right people. 

To the people who so willingly went along with my boyfriend’s little project: 

@faerielleart​ I saved A LOT of your art and they’re sitting in my google photos under a folder called Levihan and maybe I did share a few of your photos (the cheeks one and the beast titan one and the les miserables) ones to my boyfriend unsolicited just to show him how beautiful Levihan can be. Thank you so much for these beautiful drawings.

@lizaloveslevihan​ You were one of the first people I talked with in this fandom and dreams really was one of those stories that fucked me up a little bit, had me make a few misses on the commute on the way home one day but maybe it did have me explore the angst genre a little more, maybe it did have me explore Levi’s character a little more. 

@ariadneamare​ YELLOW. OH GOD. You know those letters? The ones which Hange left Levi at the end of the story? I ended up copying and pasting them and sending them to my boyfriend right after reading and I remember talking to him about this. We might be facing that same type of story in the future and I guess that ended up becoming a lot of foundation of our discussion and I guess, it’s just proof that there is so much to learn from fanfiction. There’s just so much to explore and fanfiction as a genre just does not get the credit it deserves.

@fanmoose12​​ I was exploring your works even before I started this tumblr up again. Maybe it was even your works which got me building my own headcanons from Levihan and writing from there. And I think I did leave a few anonymous messages telling you how I started exploring other genres because of your fics. Your works got my out of my dark place, it got me exploring a lot of other genres and for that I’m eternally grateful.

And somehow, my boyfriend picked that all up from late night discussions and one-on-one metas. Surprisingly, he wasn’t just playing along to humor his girlfriend. He was exploring the themes of love, life, loss and Levihan right along with me. (And got spoiled about Hange’s death along the way… Oops.) 

And I am eternally grateful for that and I made sure to shower him with a lot of kisses after he kept me in the loop with what has been going on these past few months with his sudden interest in Levihan.

And this huge thank you goes out to all content creators (authors, artists, gif creators, shitposters alike). Sometimes you never know who’s thinking about your work, who’s shoehorning your works and quoting them to their best friends. Sometimes, you never will find out but your work had pulled someone out of a blackhole which they’ve been stuck in and sometimes you never know that your work has been that seemingly small thing that had taught them a lesson in love, life or relationships. Sometimes, that one work turned out to be an inspiration which got them writing and sharing their own stories or making their own drawings

And I guess, the point is, keep writing. Keep drawing. Keep sharing pouring your love, passion and emotions into works of art because you never really know whose heart you touched or whose life you changed.

I have a job now. I decided to push law school a few years back and maybe take the time to work on myself now and maybe spend the next months or maybe years writing metas and fanfictions. I was pulled out of my hole. I was inspired. I have my own stories to tell and I don’t think I would have been here if I hadn’t spent the last few months reading fic after fic, meta after meta, appreciating art after art, 

So anyway, I just wanted to share some pics of my favortie fics, immortalized in one anthology, all organized by my boyfriend. And I think he made some great decisions with these.

(Bookbinding credits to @mayerwien)

[holylulusworld]

The mobster’s cook

Summary: For years you were Steve’s cook and the girl he turns to if he seeks comfort. One day you have enough of feeling second best.

Pairing: Mobster!Steve x Curvy!Reader, Mobster!Bucky x Curvy!Reader, Tony Stark, OFC’s

Warnings: angst, swearing, arguments, unrequited love, heartbreak, mentions of sex, jealous Steve, shameless ogling (Bucky is not subtle), comforting, fluff, implied smut

You okay there doll?” Bucky asks as he plops onto the chair closest to the kitchen counter. “Y/N? Is something wrong?”

Bucky can see the tears you try to push away and that you swallow hard every time Steve peppers kisses along his latest flings neck. “I am fine, Mr. Barnes. I had a bad night, ‘s all.”

“Doll, you can always talk to me. We are friends after all.” Huffing you shove a plate with Bucky’s favorite breakfast toward the mobster.

“Friends…right. It’s rather you come here to get my food.” Teasing Bucky you give him a cracked smile as the chick Steve brought home climbs onto his lap to nibble at his neck.

“Guys, I want to eat here. Get a room or some manners. Y/N and I do not need to vomit in the morning. Seriously, Steve. You are not a horny teen.” Bucky grumbles and Steve gives his friend a dirty look.

“I am finished with breakfast. Have a great day.” Taking off the apron you toss it onto the counter to storm out of the kitchen to get away from the scene.

“Great…” Glaring at his friend Bucky grabs his plate to run after you. “Not cool to make out in the kitchen, punk…”

Finally, in your room you let the tears fall. Hickuped sobs leave your lips and you barely recognize Bucky entered your room.

“Doll…” Sighing he sits next to you on the bed. “Just tell me what’s wrong with you. Did Steve say something or is it your job?”

“I…it’s stupid…really…” Sniffling you wipe the tears away. “How could I believe I am more than a comfort fuck to him?” Mouth falling open Bucky places the plate onto your nightstand.

“Wait…you and Stevie? Since when?” Rubbing your back gently Bucky waits for you to open to him. “Doll?”

“Years, Bucky. For over three years Steve comes to me if he requires comfort. After a bad day or when the business gets too much. I believed one day he would admit his feelings or crap but…”

Scoffing you get up to glance at the mirror. “Why showing someone like me around when he can have that model chick or all the others.”

“Darling…” Voice raspy Bucky gets up to wipe your tears with his thumb. “You are beautiful, Y/N. I love your curves. When you sway your hips to the music in the kitchen, it gets me going for sure.”

“I appreciate you try to cheer me up, but it’s unnecessary. I was always comfortable with my curves. I have bigger boobs and a nice J-Lo ass, and I like it. I like me but…”

Glancing at the mirror you feel more tears well up to your eyes. “Steve makes me feel like I am a swan when he’s with me and then I feel like an ugly duck when he goes to a party with a model type instead of me. For over four months he didn’t go out with someone else.”

“Y/N…” Bucky can see the hurting in your eyes when you turn around to face him.

“Last week he got an invitation to Tony Stark’s yearly party. I had hope…no I believed this time Steve would take me with him only for him to bring this girl here two days later.” Now you walk toward your wardrobe to get a dress out.

“I bought a dress, Bucky. A fucking expensive dress to go with him.” Sniffling you drop it to the floor. “It was stupid, I know…” While you stand in your room, completely lost Bucky picks the dress up.

It’s a red dress with a long slit, revealing your leg. It has an x cross back neckline and the moment you wore it for the first time – you felt beautiful and believed Steve would love it too.

“I bet you will look stunning when you accompany me at the party,” Bucky smirks as he hands you the dress. “Tomorrow, at eight you’ll be ready.”

“Accompany you?” Blinking a few times, you look at the dress in Bucky’s hands. “Why?”

“I need a plus one and don’t want a random chick hanging on my lips. I want someone I can talk to like an adult. You are smart, sexy and I like you. Now mark the day and we have a date.”

“Wait…uh-seriously? I mean…” Glancing at Bucky you gasp as he roams your body with his eyes. “Don’t you want someone else to go with you?”

“Doll,” pressing his index finger to your lips the mobster shakes his head. “I want to go with you. As I said – I like you, Y/N. Now stop crying. Steve may be my friend, but if he’s too blind to see what he had in you - he can go and fuck himself. Never let him get close to you again.”

“I am a fool – not an idiot, Bucky. I learned my lesson. I thought he would change and gave him time but from now on he can seek comfort somewhere else than in my bed.” Humming Bucky cups your cheek before he gives you a quick kiss.

“Next time, I’ll kiss you the way you deserve it, but you need time to get over that punk. I’ll be at the sideline, waiting for you.” Giving you a dirty grin Bucky turns to leave your room. “By the way. I’d like to bury my head between those thighs…”

“Bucky!” Chuckling the mobster shrugs before he opens the door. “Just saying…”

Making dinner is unpleasant. Steve’s latest fling is playing on her phone, impatiently huffing as the food Steve wanted takes longer than heating a frozen pizza.

“Can she not do this faster, Stevie?” Whining the chick looks at Steve who rolls his eyes. “I am hungry…”

“Sure. You will poke the food with your fork and eat one piece…” Mumbling the words you add more pepper to the sauce. “I suggest you order pizza if you are not used to quality food. Cooking a star menu takes time.”

“Stevie…I won’t allow her to talk to me like that. Say something.” Steve’s eyes dart between the chick and you as you put the spices onto the counter.

“Y/N, do not talk to her like that…” Steve grumbles looking at you, a hint of guilt in his eyes.

“Can you not fire that fat chick?” Now your hands ball into fists and you glare at Steve. Your blood boils and you are close to grab the fork and ram it into the bitch’s face.

“I can’t, she’s useful after all.” Steve’s words cut deep into your heart but somehow, you feel relieved at the same time.

“Useful…right.” Ripping the apron off your body you toss it onto the floor before you shove the pan with the food over the counter to let it drop next to the apron. “That was not the word you used when you were seeking comfort in my bed…”

Holding your head high you do not give Steve a second glance. “And Steve - fuck you. I quit, asshole.” Storming out of the kitchen you slam the door shut to let a shaky breath out.

“Y/N!” Running after you Steve grasp for your arm but you slap his hand away. “Wait…I didn’t mean to…”

“You didn’t mean to Steve?” Huffing you hold the tears back. “I think you did. For all those years you used me to get off. I thought its love but it was just convenient, nothing else. This is over, Mr. Rogers. If you would excuse me now – I have to pack my things.”

“Don’t go. After the party, we can…” Your hand collides with Steve’s cheek before you knee his balls.

“I would not let you touch me even if you were the last man on earth, Steve. Lucky me - there are more men out there. Men who are willing to show they like me outside of their homes. This, whatever it was between us is over. Go and fuck your supermodel and I’ll look for someone appreciating and loving me the way I deserve. I don’t know why I was not enough…”

“Please…wait. You are enough…” Steve grasp for your arm but you flinch away.

“Yeah, I know but sadly…” Eyes harden you give him a devilish smile. “…you are not man enough for me…” Speechless Steve must watch you walk toward your room.

“You look stunning, doll.” Bucky drinks your outfit in, eyes you shamelessly as you take his offered hand to get out of the limousine. “I want you to know, I would fuck you right here in the backseat.”

“Bucky…” Scolding the mobster you give him a warning glare. “Not so loud.”

“Why?” Cocking his head Bucky looks around the crowd. “Everyone can know I am head over heels for the hottest girl around. Now let me lead you inside.”

“Did you style your hair?” Sliding your hands through his soft hair you snicker as Bucky growls low in his throat. “Wait is that cream at your cheek?”

“I wanted to look good for you. Sam said I shall style my hair, wear a suit and use cream…dunno what kind of crap he gave me, but my skin is smooth.” Now you giggle as he takes your hand to slide it over his cheek.

“Smooth…” Humming Bucky glances at your cleavage, a dirty grin on his lips. “So…you wanted to look good for me?”

“You’re a beautiful woman and I had to impress you. I mean…” Tilting his head Bucky pecks your pulse point. “I need to make sure you’ll forget about Steve and fall for me.”

“I…I quit yesterday…” Bucky gapes at you before he nods thoughtfully. “That girl, she was annoying and then…”

Explaining why you quit your job you do not see the Steve watching you and his best friend. You cannot hear the grunts leaving his lips or that his hands twitch as Bucky dares to slide his hand over your back.

Smirking Bucky wiggles his eyebrows. “Work for me! I got a new restaurant and I need someone to cook. I mean as my chief and crap. Your food is a killer and I want you…”

“You want me?” Taking Bucky’s offered arm, you give him a soft smile as he leads you toward the entrance. While you talk about the offered position, food and Steve being a punk you do not recognize said man or the way his eyes roam your body.

“I want you, doll. Oh—hey, Stevie.” A big grin plastered all over his face Bucky leads you away from Steve. “I guess he’s pissed as you are my plus one.”

Whispering into your ear Bucky chuckles as Steve walks past you to drag his plus one toward the bar.

“Steve never learned to live with the consequences of his doing. I guess he’s used to getting what he wants, not caring about other people’s feelings.” Humming Bucky leads you toward Tony who has a dirty grin on his lips.

“Barnes! If I would’ve known you bring such a beauty…” Sighing Tony takes your hand to press a soft kiss to your skin. “I would’ve worn a nicer suit. Shame on you James.”

“Well, I stole this flower from Steve’s garden.” Tony nods eagerly as he steps closer. “The one you told me about. I want to taste her food.”

“You told him about me?” Surprised you watch Tony smirk at the man by your side.

“He’s talking about you for how long, Bucky?” Bucky looks flustered and you glance at his pink cheeks. “Three years or longer? He whined about Steve having the perfect girl and that you never give him a second glance.”

“Tony…” Gritting his teeth Bucky glares at his friend. “That was a secret.”

“Well…now it’s not. Miss, you have this guy wrapped around your pinkie. Keep him. He doesn’t look like much but he’s a keeper.” Snickering Tony raises his glass and you peck Bucky’s cheek.

“What was that for?” Shrugging you wrap your arms around Bucky to hide your face in his chest.

“You’re not afraid to show you are with me or to talk about me.”

“Why should he afraid to show you? I would kill for such a pretty girl. Sadly, I already have a beautiful wife which looks at me with murder in her eyes. If you excuse me now…”

“That punk didn’t have the right to tell you so…” Grumbling Bucky looks at you, smirking as you grab his hand to lead him toward the dancefloor. “Baby?”

“I want to dance with you, Barnes.” Bucky’s eyes meet Steve’s as he places one hand onto your lower back while he holds the other tightly. “You look good in this suit. I like you do not wear a tie.”

“Do not look, doll but Steve looks like he wants to kill me while that girl tugs at his hand like a child.” Snickering you rest your head against Bucky’s shoulder as he sways to the music. “I wish you never experienced something like that. I thought Steve is smarter.”

“Bucky?” Humming the mobster let his hand wander down to your ass to grope it. “Do you want breakfast in the morning?”

“Fuck me…”

“I kinda planned to, Mr. Barnes.” Laughing you look up at Bucky as his eyes darken and you gulp a few times at the predatory look on his face.

“I will eat you alive and in the morning we will feast on your food. How about we have a drink, some of the expensive food Tony ordered and then we get the hell out of here to fuck until my bed breaks…”

“Well, Mr. Barnes…this sounds like a plan…”

Part 2

All works Tags

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Bucky Barnes/Sebastian Stan Tags

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[cherryhanji]

all the love, hyunjin.

oneshot. hyunjin x jisung, hyunjin x female reader

genre: college au from the onset, high school au, neighbors au, tinge of fluff, angst

words: 2.8k

warning(s): super duper slight mention of alcoholic drinks, and nothing heavy at all except for the extreme trashy plot twist pfft, italicized words are in present times

•••

alexa's note:

y'all its good to be back after a month(?) of not writing hihi, good thing that my fam @districtninewriters decided to hold a valentines' event for their writers! Go check them out here! make sure to read my fellow writers' entries coz u won't regret it, they're amazing as hell!

•••

_____

It feels so good to be back home (even tho you went back last christmas but only for two days). Three years are too much and you missed staying for long at your childhood home. This time, you'll stay for a week so you will do everything with all your might while you're at your parents' house. And one thing from the list is to clean your room. Though you are aware that your parents sometimes clean it. But since you were here, it's time to declutter all the things that are no use for you.

You started by cleaning your closet, removing all the clothes that you don't need anymore. Bringing out all the ones you needed when you come back at the dorms. While rummaging through your clothes, you saw the brown box nicely placed at the bottom of your closet. You forgot that the box was here since your closet was stuffed with clothes. A smile crept up on your face as you grab the box. That box contains all of unnecessary things that you kept from your high school years.

You sat on your bed as you open the box, completely forgetting that you have things to do as soon as you open it. Torn pages from notebooks, folded papers, pictures, arcade tokens and random stuff are inside. Smiling as memories rush back everytime you see a specific stuff. The smile that was on your face eventually disappeared when a pink folded paper caught your eye. You picked the paper up and opened it. it was the letter from your neighbor, your bestfriend hyunjin. remembering how you felt after reading this letter from him.

•••

y/n. it's hyunjin.

i know you know why i made this letter. but if not, well i just joined our school's event. this is nuts and unexpected. but i guess this is the right time..? or probably not but i think of this as an opportunity. so why let it slip?

i know you'll be weirded out, and i'm expecting it tho. but pls don't worry. you don't have to do anything. i just want to give this to you so you can be aware of what i'm going to tell you.

•••

you suddenly remember that he made this letter because of the foolish idea your school came up for the valentines' day that time. it was when you were all in your ninth grade, almost 6 years ago.

•••

"So how many letters are you going to give to Jisung?" your friend, Ryujin asked as she fiddled with the letter she received from someone.

"Ryu, I already told him that I won't give him and he understand. And please, couples aren't required to do it. We already know that we feel the same for each other, so why bother? Jisung knows how special he is to me." You said, frowning at her. you already told Jisung about it. It's not that necessary and it won't affect your relationship, like it was such a shallow thing to do.

"Your annoying bestfriend's outside." Ryujin said and pointed at the door where you saw Hyunjin.

"I'll just go to him. Go read that letter with all your heart. Maybe they're the one for you." You said and gave her wink which made Ryujin roll her eyes at you.

"Hey stupid." You said as soon as you approached Hyunjin who pinched your arm jokingly.

"Hello too, my stupid best friend. So what are you up to?"

"You were the one who went here and you're the one asking that? I'm gonna ask that to you, what are you up to?" You said making Hyunjin silent, but the boy just rolled his eyes at you. What's with people and they keep on rolling their eyes on you?

"Whatever. You busy? Just wanna ask you to go with me to the mall. My treat." He wiggled his eyebrows at you and showed her mother's credit card.

"What the-- did you just stole your mom's card again? Wait let me tell her--" Hyunjin tapped your arm when you tried to get your phone from your pocket. He looks like he's the type of guy who wouldn't do it, but you've known him for years and he can be a sneaky rat sometimes.

"No I didn't- I asked her okay? And she let me because she knows I'm with you. She likes and trusts you so much she lets me use her card for our mini-date" He said and wiggled his eyebrows at you. This kind of banters are normal between and it doesn't really affect you, tho sometimes, or you should say, you used to feel moved by this kind of retorts from him. this means nothing to you now, as you said so to yourself.

"Okay, okay fine. But Jin, Uh, uhm. Jisung already asked me a while ago, and I said yes. So I might not be able to join you with your mini-date. Sorry." It's obvious that his expression changed into something that made you feel somewhat guilty.

"Oh, why did I forgot about that? Okay, nevermind. Enjoy your date then." He said and flash you a smile, and you can really tell that it was just a facade. But you decided to brush it off.

"Why don't you ask Ryujin? Seungmin? Felix?" You decided to suggest, since the three are his friends too.

"Uhm, yeah. I'll just ask them. Good luck with your date, by the way. I know Jisung will make you happy, especially it's your first Valentines' date together." He replied making you grin like an excited kid.

"Don't smile too much, you look ugly, remember?" He retort making you glare at him. He's back with being a mood breaker. He is really your best friend.

"Whatever, you look ugly too, you know that? Anyways, I need to go already, maybe Jisung's waiting for me. See you tomorrow then?" He nod before bidding each others' goodbyes, a little pained knowing that you won't join him for the first time on Valentines' day. Every Valentines', You and Hyunjin have a tradition of mini-date every Valentines' after school. Treating each other foods, but mostly Hyunjin was the one who always spends since "he proposed this idea to you" which you immediately agreed because Hyunjin's so fun to be with. But after rejecting him for the very first time, makes you a tad guilty. But he understand it, right? Yeah, he understands it.

•••

You had a nice and special day with Jisung. It feels surreal, because you were able to celebrate Valentines with the person you like, the guy who cherish you with all his heart. Jisung is a nice guy, and you'll do everything not to hurt him. He has a special space in your heart. The guy you're sure who will stay with you no matter what happen. Like Hyunjin.

You shook your head when Hyunjin suddenly passed by on your train of thoughts about your boyfriend. Hyunjin is different, he is your best friend, your confidant. The guy who you grew up with and also has a special space in your heart. But they are utterly different. Jisung is Jisung, he is your boyfriend. Hyunjin is Hyunjin, your bestfriend.

"Y/N! Y/N" You went out of your trance when you heard your mother calling your name downstairs. You just got home from your after school Valentines date with Jisung, and you must admit, you feel giddy, extreme butterflies took flight in your stomach. Everything was just perfect for you.

"What is it, Mom?" You went downstairs and saw your mom at the kitchen.

"Hyunjin's outside, calling for you. He's outside, I'm letting him in but he said he won't stay long, he just need to give you something. Go to him, don't let him wait." Your mom beckoned you to go to Hyunjin, you checked the time first and its already 7 in the evening, what's with him?

You saw him standing outside, looking edgy, making you baffled. Your "hey" made the boy jump a bit and flash you an obviously nervous smile.

"What's up? Mom said you'll give me something. What is it?" You said as you approached him, the higher the proximity, the nervousness he feels also increases. But why?

"Uh, hey. Uhm yeah. I'm gonna give you something. Uuhm- here it is." He gave you a folded pink paper with his trembling hands. You attempt to open it but the guy moved faster.

"Please open it after I leave. Please?" Your eyebrows knitted and nodded slowly, agreeing with the way he prevented you from opening the letter, making you more confused.

"So what's this all about, Hwang Hyunjin? Is this some sort of prank? A blackmail?" You said joking. Hyunjin just gave you a sheepish grin, completely lacking of words to reply to you. The answers are inside the paper he gave you. So what else would he say to you?

"No. Just promise me that you will open that one when I leave, okay? So, I'm gonna leave now. See you tomorrow?" Hyunjin bit his lip, bidding his goodbye to you before he sprint out of your sight, didn't dare to wait for your response. You just rolled your eyes and shrugged, examining the paper he gave you. But there's a sudden strange feeling crept inside you, didn't have an idea why and where it came from. You went back to your room and decided to read the letter there.

•••

Just promise me one thing. don't you ever dare avoid me after reading this. but maybe i'll understand it if you do. i am not insensitive you know?

yep, i like you silly. i don't know when this whole thing started. i swear, it's like wow, what's this i'm feeling? do i like y/n? oh yeah, i like her. i see and feel things differently when i started liking you, but not in a creepy way! i'm not that kind of person! it's like even if you're just doing those normal things like you always did back then, it feels more special, bizarre. is it always like this if you feel something romantically towards that person? or am i just overreacting? whatever it may be, that's what i felt.

remember when you slipped on the hallway because of the slippery wet floor, good thing i was with you and i am able to catch you, then you told that you really can't live without me? maybe for you it just casual, just a friendly banter, but for me? not gonna lie, it made my heart jump out of my chest. and luckily my face don't blush that too much, you're not able to see how affected i am with that. there are more, but i won't write that anymore. It won't fit in this goddamn piece of paper!

•••

Did you expect this? Absolutely not. But you wished he told you sooner, sooner so you won't feel any regrets now. He likes you, but do you still like him? You definitely don't know. You already have Jisung, but do you think that reason is enough? Your mind is rambling with thoughts. All you were aware of is you used to feel the same way for him. But is it still here? You really don't have an idea. Why does it have to be late?

Hyunjin is the type of person who you will easily like. With his bubbly, sometimes slow-witted (yeah he is) but caring and loving persona, you'll just eventually love everything about him, no wonder all girls from your school are after him. And you are an example of it. Having an advantage as a best friend. You are lucky that you are one of the women he treasures the most. And you are grateful for it. Too grateful that you started growing feelings for him that exceeded the line of being just best friends. It lasted for about two years, you know you were too young back then, but it's Hyunjin and you know how much he cares for you. But soon you realized that he's just being like that since you are his best friend. So you tried moving on, thoughts of telling him about what you feel passed your mind but didn't have enough courage to do so. Now, knowing that he feels the same way too, made you feel somewhat regretful. You are mad, just mad. But do you have any rights to be mad at Hyunjin? Actually none. Guy doesn't even have an idea you like him too. This whole situation is so much frustrating than you've ever imagined. You never want this to happen, no one wants. Now, you have no idea what to do, with Hyunjin's feelings. He did mention that you don't have to do anything, he just wants you to know how he feels, but it's like something inside you was telling you otherwise. What are you gonna do now?

•••

you know, you've been my bestfriend for years ever since you live in this neighborhood, and i am so grateful for that. i am grateful enough to know you, grateful enough to be a bestfriend that is always by your side. So please, please don't say sorry if you don't feel the same way. i just want to tell all of this to you, because i can't always keep this secret. i needed to vent it out. i need to tell you. so that i won't regret it in the future.

i can see how happy you are with jisung. and i am not planning to steal that happiness from you. what kind of friend am i if i'll do that? i know you too will last, i can feel it. but don't forget me, yeah? i am still your bestfriend, your neighbor, and your best boy.

all the love,

hyunjin xx

•••

You were thankful that Hyunjin stayed by your side after all those happened. He accepted that he won't stand a chance anymore. You tried and tried, to get rid of those feelings left you have for him and luckily, you did. You were happy with Jisung.

You picked up another folded paper, this time it was a letter you made. For Hyunjin. You planned on giving this to him, but you soon realized that all your feelings for him are much better left unsaid. You don't want him to feel remorseful just because he didn't tell you what he feel sooner.

You heard the doorbell rang, immediately jumping out of the bed, thinking that it was your parents.

"Coming!" You shouted as you run your way down the stairs and greet the person from the other side of the door.

"Mom? isn't it too earl- Oh." Your rumblings abruptly stop when you saw who is the person, are the persons outside your home.

"Hey Y/N! how are you?" Ryujin greeted you and envelope you with her warm bear hug, a smile automatically creeping up on your face, as the other people flash you a smile.

"I-I'm good. How about you guys? Come in, come in!" You said and let them inside your house.

"I'm definitely fine! These two? I don't have an idea." Ryujin said as he rolled her eyes at the two, making the other guy frown.

"Don't tell me you two fought right before going here?" You asked the guys nod in unison.

"Exactly, because he almost declined from going here. What a brat, didn't you miss your best friend?" Jisung said making Hyunjin sigh in defeat.

"I do! It's just that I am not in the mood to get up from my bed. Our very entitled professor just rejected my proposal that I worked for almost two weeks, just wow." You can't help but to laugh at your best friend, he really did not change, so dramatic ever since.

"You know, you just need a date. You're depriving my best friend hm? Maybe Jisung's not being a responsible boyfriend I think, do you agree Ryu?" Ryujin sneered and nod in agreement, making Jisung groan.

"Am not! He's the one ignoring me these past few weeks, and you'll pass the blame on me? What a sweet best friends you are." Jisung babble making you all laugh.

"Well, don't fight now, please? Let's just all catch up with our lives. What do you guys want to do?" You suggested.

"Pizza delivery and soju please! I need that" Hyunjin suggested and you immediately agree.

"Gotta go upstairs and grab my phone, be right back." You said and run upstairs to get your phone.

You bit your lip and realize that you still have an unfinished business in your bedroom. You just shrugged and tidied the box, storing the letters back and putting it back inside your closet. For now, you just want to catch up with the people you cherish.

•••

oh my, this is my first time writing a scenario involving member x member pairing, tho not the main pairing, but i rlly hope u like it🙃

- alexa

[marcykinsmaki]

Since you write for all games can you write a s/o who at first couldn’t stand byakuya, mondo, kazuichi, and fuyuhiko but they comfort the s/o after a trial and they go from rivals to friends to lovers <3? Up to you if the guys disliked the s/o at the beginning too! If that’s too many characters the ones that really matter to me are byakuya and kazuichi! Thank you!!

HEYYYYY IT’S FINALLY DONE AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAANDAMDALKMDWAD cough cough cough. anyway. i only wrote byakuya because this piece is almost 5k words i hope you like it please love it anyway here it is.

Byakuya Togami x Reader.

Words: 4,365 (long)

CW: Mentions of suicide, heavy angst in the beginning, some suggestive moments.

Rating: Mature

--

You have to be kidding. This can’t be real. I thought he was bad before, but this? This is an entirely new low. He’s a jerk, a complete asshole who does nothing but make everything harder for everyone and laugh in our faces about it. Saying shit to hold us back, to make us confused and scratch our heads while he holds something we don’t. But messing with a body. A dead person’s corpse, for the sake of what?

“The motive of my actions is irrelevant.” I stared at him with a gaping jaw. “The thing we should be doing is figuring out the true killer. We know it isn’t Genocide Jack and now we know that it isn’t me.” Like that makes me feel better. He looks over to me, the sting of tears growing behind my sinuses. “Please, Y/N, keep yourself together. You’re going to catch flies if you keep that mouth open so wide.” He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and my hands grip themselves into tight fists, my body shaking with rage.

“Y/N, it isn't worth getting angry at.” Kyoko interrupts me before I could do something. “I think we’re all upset at this reveal, but we have to continue. It was an intrusion that no longer stands in our way. Let’s continue.” She replied before continuing on.

Eventually, Mondo slipped. Makoto caught his lie and called him out. The rest of the trial was a haze. We all watched Mondo get strapped to the motorcycle, ride into the cage and eventually come out as… that. Some sick fucking joke that is. We all stood after, looking at each other as we tried to hold ourselves together.

“Chihiro was a good person.” I finally broke the silence. They all looked to me. My eyes were locked onto the floor. I couldn’t stand to face anyone. “He didn’t deserve someone like you to be touching him and moving around his body so we could all get slaughtered for your stupid half second decision. And for what?” I muster up the courage to face him. “What was running through your head that this was a good idea? You know that you would’ve died, too. You’re all for other people speaking on your behalf or whatever stupid thing you have going on,” I began to step forward towards him. “, whatever God complex you fucking deal with. You are so far up your own fucking ass that you were willing to drag us all down for your dedicated fanboy shit? You hate when people mess around like low lives yet you built your own coffin, dug your own grave, locked yourself in your stupid little box, and buried yourself.” I eventually was face to face with him. The room was still silent. Even Monokuma didn’t say anything. Byakuya stared at me with the same unnerving judgemental gaze he held for everyone. “Stop circle jerking with yourself and get with the fucking program. People’s lives are at stake here, Byakuya. Take a drill and screw that into your head. I’ll even do it for you if you need help, because obviously you can’t see that we’re all hurting. I know you don’t give a rat’s ass, but you are a fucking asshole. And I hope one day that big ass ego dildo falls out of your gaping rectum.” I spat at him, turning and exiting the trial room. He looked disgusted by the time I turned to walk away, the silence failing to fall again as I walked out, tears streaming down my face and the pain in my chest and throat from the stress of this all finally settling in. I began to sob as I walked out and straight to my dorm. Chihiro was a good friend. He didn’t deserve this bullshit. I felt bad that Mondo died and his trauma or whatever, but Chihiro was just an innocent boy in a killing game that he didn’t deserve to be in. None of us deserved this. I found myself in my room eventually, the hallway down to my room seeming smaller than normal. I swing my door open, slamming it shut behind me and locking it. I quickly approach my bed, my body breaking down as I fall onto the mattress. My chest hurts from the sobbing, tired and exhausted from the excuses. My hearing diminishes and I relax, falling into a deep sleep.

“Y/N? … Y/N.” I hear a soft voice calling out to me. I slowly come-to and my eyes flutter open. A soft hand is on my back. My eyes fix to the figure standing in front of me. Hina. “Hey, you’re awake! Thank goodness, I’ve been standing here for like 10 minutes trying to wake you up.”

“Oh.. hey, Hina. Sorry, I guess I was just really tired.” I slowly sit up, looking up to her. She shrugs with a big smile on her face.

“No biggy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. New floor opened up and we were all waiting for you, but no one wanted to check… just, you know.” She shrugs.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. Sorry, again. I’ve just been stressed lately.” Pain settles in my throat, a hand raising to rub my neck.

“Will you plebians please hurry up?” A familiar voice sounds from behind Hina. I notice my door is open now, my eyes shooting up and Hina turning to see… Byakuya. We stand in tense silence for a few moments. “Don’t stare at me like dead fish, hurry the Hell up so we can get this done and stop being lazy.” He calls out to us again from my door, staring me down with an intense gaze before turning to leave us alone again. Hina turns back to me.

“Jeeze, I hate him so much.. Why is he always like this? Can’t he just be a team player for once?” She huffs. “Anyway, let’s hurry up so you can eat something. Not good to explore on an empty stomach!” She holds a hand towards me with a smile. I nod, reaching up to her and helping myself up, still in my clothes from yesterday and not bothering to change. Doesn’t seem to bother either of us.

--

After getting something to eat, I walk up to the next floor, reassuring Hina that I’ll be fine on my own after several minutes, watching her leave with Sakura. I began to walk out on my own, looking around and passing a random hallway I’ve yet to explore as I feel someone grab my arm and pull me aside, putting a hand over my mouth and nose, holding me close to them in silence. I struggle, and feel a hand grab onto my hips. My cheeks heat up.

“Quit struggling. It’s only me.” A calm, yet annoyingly familiar voice sounds out again. Byakuya. I quickly stop, my heart still racing. He can’t kill me now.. Way too early. He peels off his hands from my body. I quickly turn around with rage.

“What the Hell was that for, asshole?!” I retaliate. He chuckles a bit, only making me angrier.

“Keep that vulgar language out of your mouth. It doesn’t suit you, ruins your face.” He teases. I’m so confused, why is he acting like this? “My motivations for doing that isn’t important. What we should be doing is exploring the rest of the floor.” He nods, walking away as if nothing happened. I shake my head, trying to make some sort of excuse, turning the corner to give him a piece of my mind. But before that happens, he’s already too far gone for the effort to be worth it. I sigh to myself, just continuing forward and searching. I mean, what… what? Why? Suddenly he’s being all handsy with me, giving me no reason? Wonder what happened the last time he said that. Whatever.

--

Another body. Another trial. Jesus. My heart drops to my stomach. I was never really close with the two of them, but you can’t help but feel bad that after all that chasing and that fiasco that this is the outcome. A frown finds its way to my face. I feel someone tap on my shoulder. 

“Y/N. You will be accompanying me on my investigation.” Byakuya spoke behind me. I could feel his presence suddenly get closer to me, instinctively turning and backing away. He has a smirk on his face. “I’m not taking no for an answer, so wipe that petty look off of your face, Y/N. Please.” I immediately shake my head a little in disbelief.

“What?”

“What do you mean what? You’re going to be conducting the investigation with me. Now.” He refused to explain further, as always. I’ve gotten used to this, but him saying the word please. I never knew it was part of his vocabulary voluntarily. I follow behind towards the first body, my heart beating in a way I never knew it could before. At least, not for someone like this. I must be going crazy. I must be hearing things. Someone pinch me. “Hello? Must you be incompetent right now? We have a case on our hands and we need to finish it, L/N.” He almost snarls at me. I roll my eyes and join him, a smirk taking over his face for a split second only he and I could see. I feel the same invasive heat flooding my cheeks, unable to stop the red blush filling my face afterward. I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay? You look really…. Red.” I hear Aoi speak behind me. “Are you hot-”

“No, Asahina, they’re coming with me. Thank you very much, I can assure you that they are fine.” Byakuya interrupts her. She huffs towards him, puffing her chest out with dominance.

“Whatever. Please stay safe around him, Y/N. He can be… dangerous. I don’t trust him that much.” Hina looks to me with a concerned expression.

“I can handle myself, don’t worry. I won’t let him do anything.” I reassure her. She smiles and nods, as I return to Byakuya’s side. I feel like a damn puppy, walking by his side and coming to his beck and call.

“Well? Get to work. I don’t want to be here long.” He speaks softly to me. My body stiffens, nodding as I go down and begin my investigation. The rest of this goes on in silence, his eyes burning holes into the back of my head. It sent chills down my spine when I would look up to him from the ground, which he actually made me do, but was completely unnecessary. He just looked me up and down, and shrugged, every single time I asked if I was done. He physically would not let me leave. I never understood why he did that, and I don’t think I ever will, but eventually, we had succeeded, a wide smile on my face from finishing.

“Finally! God, I thought I’d be on the floor all day.” I sighed, joining Aoi and Sakura’s side, which I had made good friends with by now, being a kind of trio at this point since the first trial. But before I could join them, to our collective dismay, Byakuya cleared his throat.

“I didn’t say you could leave.” He kept his eyes off of us, refusing to look at me, having this long look of betrayal on his face. I sighed.

“Sorry, Hina; Sorry, Sakura, he’s been like this since the investigation.” I apologized profusely, the two looking at Byakuya intensely as I joined his side. He looks over at me one last time before we all went onto the elevator, going down to the trial room.

--

The trial was long, and the execution was brutal. Kinda funny, but brutal. I quickly join Aoi and Sakura after, Byakuya giving me a dirty look. I shrug it off, joining the girls for some quick after-execution down time, Aoi quickly suggesting donuts and tea,  Sakura making sure she doesn’t go overboard, knowing how she can get with this stuff. We laugh at each other, and I swear I see someone out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head, and in a split second they’re gone. But I’m used to seeing things after stuff like this, just my brain messing with me.

... Right?

Later that night, I returned to my room after about an hour of talking out our feelings with the other two. I’m just hanging out, resting my eyes until I drifted off, only to be interrupted by my doorbell ringing. I sat up, stretching a little, scratching my head and approaching the door. I open the door, and it’s suddenly flung open, which makes me step back in defense.

“Don’t fret, it’s only me. You should really be more careful of who you open the door for, I could have been a wild maniac coming to rip your throat open.” He makes his way into my room, without even asking. Which for him is in character, of course. I groan, rolling my eyes all the way back into my head, hoping they’d stay there. “Oh come now, don’t act like you aren’t surprised.”

“Trust me, Byakuya, I’m not, now what do you want?” I close the door behind him, staring at him with intense fury. 

“I’m here to propose something.” He turns to me, arms crossed against his broad chest. I sigh, shifting my weight to one leg, my eyes now being washed over with exhaustion.

“What.” The words fell out of my mouth carelessly.

“I wish to form an alliance with you.” My eyes widen. The same smirk returns from before. He knows how to get under my skin. He began to approach me, slowly. I back up at the same pace.

“An alliance?” I tilt my head a little. He nods.

“You help me in my every day life, like an assistant, and you help me during investigations,” He continues towards me, me not paying attention as I suddenly feel the heel of my foot against the door. We were already at a distance, him continuing his approach silently, and soon getting close enough to where he places a hand next to my head. “, and then I’ll gift you with certain information and grace you with my presence and willing conversation.” He speaks in a lower tone now, a rasp in his voice and rumble in his chest I’ve never heard before brushes against my ears. The unwelcome yet obscenely familiar warmth comes to my cheeks. He chuckles, bringing a hand and brushing some hair that’s sitting in front of my face. “Do you think you can do that for me, Y/N?” I squint up at him, trying to think of a way to escape. He looks at me with some tone under his eyes that I can’t read. After a few passing moments, I finally answer.

“Fine. Yes, whatever, can you leave me and take your weird antics with you?” I spat. He squints.

“Be ready to get up earlier. When you serve me, you must address me as Mr. Togami. Otherwise, you can just call me Byakuya. Please present yourself nicely, you are beginning to represent me, now, so your expectations are even higher coming from me.” He assures me, finally letting me go, backing up so I can step away from the door. I quickly grab the handle, opening the door oh-so-graciously for him. “Be up by 7, at least. And be in the cafeteria by 8 to 8:30. Sharp. I don’t tolerate tardiness.” He nods, exiting finally. I slam the door behind him, grunting loudly to myself. Thank whatever God is watching over me that these walls are soundproof.

--

8 a.m. came faster than I wanted it to. I was up by 7, out of the shower by 7:15, ready by 7:45. I arrived earlier than expected, Byakuya looking up to me in the cafeteria from the open book in his hands, us being the only ones in the room. I approach nervously, hoping this is up to his expectations. Why is my heart beating so fast for a man that doesn’t give half a damn?

“Good morning.” I fill the open air. He looks back down to his book. I squint at him. “Good morning.” I repeat. I’m confused. I stand staring down at him, and after a good while I finally realize what I’m missing. “Good morning, Mr. Togami.” I force, rolling my eyes. He frowns into a disappointed look.

“Finally. Good morning to you, too. Watch your tone next time.” He snaps back at me. “Do you know how to make coffee?”

“Kinda.” I shrug. He sighs.

“Thank God they are competent enough to give us the proper technology for it to be easy. Go and figure it out. Keep it plain black. No creamer, no sugar.” He doesn’t look back at me. I make myself keep up the tolerating demeanor. I approach the kitchen and finally manage to make something. I bring it back and hand it to him. I see him mumble something before he takes a sip. I cross my fingers, not wanting to deal with his whining.

“Not bad. Go fix something, the others will be here in about an hour and I don’t want to be here for it. We’ll be off after we eat.”

I make myself some breakfast and finally get to sit and eat, finishing before the others get here as to not piss Byakuya off more than he already is this morning. I put our dishes away and return to him, as we retreat to the library.

“Mr. Togami?” I decided to comply to his commands for now, it’s easier for him to respond to me. Ego.

“Yes?” I hear a pleased twang in his voice. It strikes me surprised.

“Why am I doing this again?”

“Doing what?” He doesn’t look back at me as I walk behind him.

“This whole thing. Getting up at 7 in the morning, dressing up all nice, addressing you as Mr. Togami, being your servant? Is this really all necessary for an alliance if all you’re going to do is sit there.”

“I know things you do not, being the head of the Togami Corporation. You will sit there and be pretty for me and do as I say,” The pretty part made my heart skip a beat. God, we’re barely two hours into this and I’m already catching feelings for a spoiled brat. “, and I will assist you during investigations and let you in on bits of information.” He nods, swinging the library door open, failing to hold it open for me as I catch the door before it closes on me. I quickly follow behind, as he reaches down for a book sitting neatly next to a chair already pulled out by a random desk. “Glad we’re on the same page now. You’re free to do as you wish in here.” He looks up to me for a split second as he sits in the chair, crossing his leg and the air around us is still with silence much more. I sigh quietly, rolling my eyes internally as we spend a majority of our day in the library.

--

The next days are mostly the same. I started to read new books and would run small errands for him. I would try to make small conversation, but not a lot worked. He’d smirk at some of my jokes (that he tried to mask), and reply sometimes, but he wasn’t a very social person anyway. Another body discovery passed, and it was heart wrenching. This investigation was more painful than the others, seeing one of my close friends pass away right under my nose. And for Aoi for be lying for her? Behind my back? I get she’s as upset as me, and we don’t have to experience another execution, but it… gets under my skin more than I expected. Aoi looks to me with sorrow after the trial, but I just shake my head as I exit the room with teary eyes. I’m backstabbed… again? Twice, in the same day? They explicitly kept it a secret from me. Why? I shut out Aoi’s voice behind me. I stormed to my room, slamming and locking the door behind me as I enter. It’s been a long day. Byakuya’s been giving me shit all day for not being fast enough. Sorry I didn’t know Sakura killed herself, asshole. I flopped onto my bed. The only thing that kept me safe during these times. I had a moment or two to relax and let myself cry before I heard my doorbell ring.

“What.” I call out carelessly.

“Do you think you should be talking to me like that?” Byakuya speaks from behind my door. I know that tone, so I push myself up and open the door for him and let him into my room, but he stands there. “Well?”

“Do you think you should be talking to me like that?” Byakuya speaks from behind my door. I know that tone, so I push myself up and open the door for him and let him into my room, but he stands there. “Well?”

“No. Sorry, Mr. Togami.” I mock. He shrugs and enters.

“Good enough. Sit.” He pulls up a chair and places it next to my bed. He sits on the chair, waiting for me. I sit on my bed, looking up to him with puffy and teary eyes.

“Why are you here.” I stress.

“Because Aoi is whining to me about how bad she feels for lying to you. She begged me to come in here and convince you since I’m the only person I’ve let you see. She said I’m your friend for whatever reason.” He shakes his head. I keep my eyes on him as he speaks. “Anyways, can you please take care of her? She’s pacing all throughout the hallway for no reason. I’ll be waiting in here.” He leans back, waiting for my departure. I stare at the door, slowly pressing myself towards it and opening it, looking past it to find Aoi. She turns to me with a broken smile, tears falling down her tan cheeks. She sniffles.

“Hey.” She speaks to me silently. Almost in a whisper.

“Hey.” I return it.

“I’m really sorry, but I couldn’t tell you. I promised her. And I know it would have gotten us killed and you all would have suffered, but she was hurting being here. I hope you can forgive me.” She looks at me with glassy eyes, puffy from crying. I stand there for a moment.

“Yeah, sure. I’m sorry for flipping out on you instead of listening to you.”

“Hug?” Aoi began to open her arms for a hug. I nod, walking to her and hugging her tight. She whispered into my ear lowly. “You know, I think Byakuya has a crush on you or something. Or maybe he’s obsessed.” She giggles. The same nervous feeling returned to my heart. I shake my head.

“Absolutely not. What makes you even think-”

“Maybe the fact that he treats you nicer than the rest of us. Has more patience with you. Speaks to you in a less serious tone. Actually talks to you for more than 5 words without insulting you. Wants to spend time with you a lot. I don’t know, I’m just saying, maybe you should think about it being a possibility.” She shrugs, pulling back to look at me with a glint of hope in her eyes.

“Hmmm, let me think about it; a big ego-centric dude with daddy’s money and balls big enough to lie to his classmates whos lives are in danger. No thank you.” I pull away completely now, smiling. She smiles back.

“Oh come on. I don’t like the dude that much, sure, but it’s super obvious. The way he looks at you, it’s insane. Now go on, your prince charming is waiting, Y/N~” Hina winks, turning and walking back off to her room. I shake my head, returning to Byakuya in my room. He’s sitting in the same position as last time.

“Welcome back. I’m assuming it went well.” He stood, approaching me. Maybe too close. Hina can’t be serious..

“Yeah. We made up and stuff.” I nodded, crossing my arms.

“I’m sure you did. Same time tomorrow, Y/N. And please, call me Byakuya now. You’ve graduated from Mr. Togami.” He walks by me to the door. My jaw drops, turning to watch him.

“Oh wow, thank you so much, Mr. Togami, how can I ever repay you for such a lovely promotion. I have been training so hard for this my entire life. I am eternally grateful.” I stare into the back of his head. I swear I hear a chuckle before he walks out of the door, softly closing it behind him… that’s new. I shake off the thought by moving before it could even come to me. Exhaustion catches up to me, and I yawn as I sleep to the next day.

--

A.N.// I got really lazy. I’ve been writing this for weeks and I’m exhausted. So sorry I didn’t write more friendship content but I wanna keep this moving so here we go.

--

The biggest trial of our lives come. Junko Enoshima herself has revealed herself to us. She’s even more egotistical than Byakuya, and that’s saying something. She parades herself around like her shit doesn’t stink and basically blames this killing game on us. Which is entirely untrue, no matter how she words it. But after a good while of debating, looking between all of my friends, and determination to survive, we persevere through her antics and take her down, leaving us only to leave to the outside world that awaits us, no matter how fucked it may be.

“Finally, I never thought we’d make it this far..” Aoi sighs, the final seven of us approaching the gate.

“Seriously, I thought we were toast back there…” Yasuhiro’s still a little shaky from it all.

“Well, we’re here now and we’re finally escaping, so let’s focus on that first. Y/N, come, please.” Byakuya adds, only to look at me. Toko is giving me the death glare. If looks could kill. I turn to Byakuya and approach him. He’s looking back at me to someone. I try to look back, but before I can he grabs my chin and guides my face to his, pressing a kiss to my lips. A deep, unexpecting one, in fact. I can feel the smile on my lips, the same mischievous smile he’s always held. I slowly return it, and Toko’s now screaming up a storm as Aoi holds her back.

“Don’t worry! Totally not saving your guts right now! Just forget about me!” She sighed frustratedly, Toko crying her head off. We finally part, my chest pounding away like a heavy drum as he stares into my eyes.

Byakuya Togami, an ego-centric asshole who kisses people to overwhelm them when he has feelings for them he won’t admit to himself. What an enigma of a man.

//

OKAAAAYY OH MY GOD IT’S FINALLY DONE. thank you so much for your request!

[seita]

— bnha abc's: hitoshi shinsou [angst edition].

well, finally the angst! i have no idea what character i’ll do next but we shall see...

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·    

ɴsғᴡ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ | ғʟᴜғғ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ

⤑ 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧! | 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬  

A- Accident, Would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?

∴ unless he was the reason you were involved then no. ∴ he wouldn’t search for correlation to himself in the event of an accident. ∴ he’s not looking to throw a pity party for himself. ∴ you were the one who was dead, after all.

B- Break up, How would they deal with one?

∴ it depends on the relationship. ∴ if it was long term, a few years together then he’s pretty broken up about it ∴ and will probably take a while to get himself back on the market ∴ but a relationship that’s only been a handful of months ∴ he figures it’s best to just move on from it.

C-Crying, Are they much of a crier?

∴ no not at all, really. ∴ sure, he feels sad but tears never fall from his eyes. ∴ however, if there is something traumatic that happens. ∴ he may shed a few tears into his pillow as he goes to sleep.

D-Death, How do they deal with any death?

∴ pretty well, actually ∴ he finds a way to cope so he can move on as quickly as possible ∴ that’s not to say he doesn’t mourn or just erase their memory ∴ he just moves to work past being broken up about it ∴ he doesn’t want to go through his days with the heavy weight of a death on his mind ∴ the type of guy to visit graves and leave flowers for his loved ones once a month.

E-Emotion, What’s the emotion they tend to push away the most?

∴ anger. ∴ he doesn’t like to be angry and he doesn’t like to show anyone his anger ∴ that’s not always possible so he’ll remove himself from situations that make him angry ∴ he’ll go somewhere private where he can let his anger out without prying eyes. ∴ he feels like shit after losing his temper so he’ll apologize or you’ll have to console him and let him know it’s okay to be angry ∴ he’s human and bottling it up isn’t healthy ∴ he agrees but...tbh nothing changes.

F-Frustrated, How much would it take to push them off the edge?

∴ it truly depends. ∴ day-to-day, he doesn’t really get ticked off or upset easily ∴ he’s pretty patient tbh ∴ but in an event where he worked hard for something ∴ or he really, really had a drive to do something (like get into the hero course) ∴ and he fails to do it ∴ he is pretty easily set off. ∴ but he pushes past and works 10x harder than before until he accomplishes his goal. ∴ he’s a driven man.

G-Great Pain, What is the most painful thing they have witnessed?

∴ when he became a pro, the first time he failed to defeat a villain ∴ and many civilians perished as a result ∴ it’s something that absolutely haunts him. ∴ he had nightmares for weeks afterwards ∴ he fully went to a therapist ∴ like he was fucked up over it ∴ to this day, if he’s reminded of it he will literally get so anxious and depressed, even though he’s seen lots of casualties since then ∴ it was just that first failure that fucks him up.

H-Humiliation, How could they be humiliated?

∴ being cheated on. ∴ the idea that he wasn’t good enough, to the point his lover had to find someone else. ∴ that really damages his sense of self worth and self esteem which is already a bit low to begin with. ∴ he’d feel like there was something wrong with him and now everyone knew he was defective.

I-Injured, How do they handle themselves when injured?

∴ very calm and collected. ∴ he figures there’s no real reason to lose his head over it. ∴ panicking will only make the situation worse. ∴ if it’s a bad injury, he’ll seek help as fast as he can. ∴ if its a superficial wound he’ll probably handle it himself.

J-Jittery, Which part of their past makes them flinch or even worked up?

∴ his childhood. ∴ he was the target for teasing and bullying due to his quirk. ∴ so if anything reminds him of those times, he gets really down ∴ he doesn’t like spiral into depression or anything ∴ but he’ll feel anxious and self conscious until the moment passes

K-Kill, Would they kill for revenge?

∴ no, never. ∴ he’s worked so hard to become a pro hero that he wouldn’t want to jeopardize it by some sort of misconduct as that. ∴ also, he has been accused of having potential to become a villain ∴ and he doesn’t want to give anyone ammunition for that.

L- Loss, What was their greatest loss?

∴ he hasn’t actually experienced much loss in terms of losing anyone to death. ∴ when he was a child, he had a friend before his quirk manifested ∴ and accidentally used it on them, unsure of how to control it ∴ and it scared the other boy so bad he stopped being friends with him ∴ that hurt shinsou pretty badly. ∴ he also probably lost a pet dog, which was traumatic because of how  much he depended on the furry animal for comfort

M- Mistakes, How much do they want to fix the mistakes of their past?

∴ shinsou isn’t the type of person who will do things that have the potential for regret ∴ he thinks his decisions over thoroughly and runs through all options before choosing the most logical one ∴ of course, he fucks up sometimes but ∴ he stands by his decisions, confident that he did the best possible thing he could have. ∴ being a pro hero doesn’t allow for him to regret things -- if he stops to mourn every civilian loss, for example, he would only be run into the ground. ∴ that doesn’t help anyone.

N-Need, How would they react if you needed emergency surgery?

∴ calm and collected ∴ especially if you’re scared ∴ then he’s going to make sure he’s a pillar for you to lean on ∴ that’s not to say on the inside he isn’t losing his mind ∴ bc he def is ∴ he just finds it counterproductive to stress you out while you’re already scared of the surgery ∴ it would get neither of you anywhere good ∴ once you’re in surgery, he’d be anxious as he waited. ∴ he’s check the time and refuse to leave the hospital until the doctor announces you’re safe.

O-Outrage, What makes them angry?

∴ betrayal. ∴ shinsou, when he trusts, he trusts hard. ∴ he puts his faith into them and expects them to stand by his side ∴ so if, for example, you used an insecurity of his against him in an argument. ∴ or cheated on him. ∴ or spilled a secret he told you in confidence ∴ he will be pissed. depending on how bad it was, he’s liable to break up with you. ∴ naturally, once his trust is broken, however, it’s near impossible to fix ∴ so good luck getting your relationship back to how it used to be lol

P-Pressure, What stresses them out to the breaking point?

∴ training ∴ he works hard to better himself to become the best hero possible ∴ but it stresses him out that he’s not improving fast enough, he’s not doing enough, he’s falling behind others ∴ he’s really hard on himself and his drive only makes the thought of failure terrifying to him. ∴ he doesn’t want to fuck up and lose his chance at his dream.

Q- Qualify, What part of themselves do they see as dangerous?

∴ his quirk, naturally. ∴ it’s a pretty dangerous quirk but ∴ truthfully, everyone’s quirk is dangerous in some way. ∴ it’s just that he’s always been trated as if his quirk was the worst possible outcome he could have been born with. ∴ so he feels like his quirk is the Most Dangerous.

R-Rock, What weighs them down?

∴ the idea that his quirk, very well could be a villains quirk. ∴ he worries that he might abuse it by accident and fuck everything up ∴ his quirk is different from combat quirks or rescue quirks ∴ he can control people. he can lock them into their own minds and force their bodies to do anything he wants without having to lift a finger. and there’s nothing they can do it about it. ∴ that scares him. ∴ it’s such a powerful quirk ∴ and it’d be so easy to abuse it ∴ he worries about his own morality at times, due to all the times he’s been called a villain ∴ it makes him doubt himself even though he knows himself better than that.

S-Sorrow, Would they feel empty after your death?

∴ very much so. ∴ shinsou is the type who gives himself completely to relationships ∴ whether it’s platonic or romantic, he puts 100% in. ∴ so to lose someone he had cared for so completely ∴ leaves him with a devastating emptiness ∴ he’s not going to know how to fill the gap your presence left behind for a long time.

T-Time, What if they had a limited time to live?

∴ he wouldn’t panic ∴ he’d spend the time doing everything he needed to do ∴ like see his mother, hang out with his friends, eat his favorite food, spend a night with you ∴ he’d be determined to make sure he wouldn’t regret wasting the time he had left ∴ so he does everything he feels is necessary for having the happiest time that he has left.

U-Urge, How badly do they get the urge to see you after separating?

∴ on a day to day basis, not much ∴ he’s very good at occupying his mind and thinking logically about whether it makes sense to see you or not. ∴ most of the time it’s not. ∴ he’s not the type to go crawling back to his ex unless it’s something he needs to fix with you. ∴ but at night, when he cant sleep ∴ his mind will automatically wander to you ∴ thinking about how it felt when just a few days, weeks, months ago you were curled up beside him in bed.

V-Vent, How do they get rid of feelings they find unnecessary?

∴ he’s actually really damn good at communication ∴ he is so good at just talking things through ∴ it helps him sort his thoughts and it keeps him calm, rather than getting worked up and upset ∴ he prefers to have healthy ways to release his negative emotions

W-Wild card, A random angst headcannon.

∴ when the bullying over his quirk got worse the older he got ∴ as people started to look at him like he was going to harm them ∴ he got frustrated, angry even ∴ he went off on his mom -- blaming her for giving him such a shitty, terrible quirk ∴ he said some extremely hurtful things in his anger ∴ and the picture of his mom’s hurt face over his words drives him insane ∴ to this day, he still feels like he’s trying to make it up to her. ∴ truthfully, it’s been forgiven and forgotten for a long time but ∴ he doesn’t believe he deserves that just yet.

X- X-ray, What makes them transparent? How obvious can they get around something they hate?

∴ you really will not know when this guy hates you ∴ he seems to have mostly just, cold indifference to majority of people ∴ so him hating you; being ignored or treated coldly ∴ will literally not even make you feel hated ∴ it just seems like his default ∴ he’s pretty open about his opinions though ∴ so if you talk about something and ask what he thinks of it ∴ if he hates it, like a movie, he’ll just come right out and say it tbh ∴ so he’s like 50/50 transparent.

Y-Yearning, Do old memories make them yearn for your touch?

∴ yes. ∴ shinsou is the type of guy to look through his phone at old texts and pictures ∴ when he lies in bed at night, he thinks of his fondest memories ∴ he won’t actively seek you out if it’s not logical -- like if you’re an ex. ∴ but if you’re available for him, he’ll seek you out with a deep craving for you. ∴ he wants to make more memories while he can.

Z-Zest, Add your own letters!

[Parents Headcanon] ∴ when he was a baby, his father left him and his mom ∴ that left his mom to take care of a baby all on her own ∴ she was a young mom too, had him pretty early in life; about 18 or so. ∴ so she struggled really badly ∴ he regrets all the trouble he gave her when he was naive to the struggles of parenthood ∴ once he got older and realized how much his mom did for him ∴ he began to work hard around the house so she could relax when she got home from work, cooked dinner, and never asked for anything he didn’t absolutely need ∴ he absolutely adores his mom ∴ and the idea of ever being without her terrifies him.

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© all content belongs to seita 2020. do not modify or repost.

[jenivi7]

First Lines Tagging Meme

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE TAGGED IN THIS TWICE!  Thank you @ink-flavored and @clyde-side !! (I almost just did this on my own too because I love babbling about my own fics...)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

Now pinned and under a cut because it became a really long, really good introduction to me and my stories! 

Hello!

Unnecessary and overly wordy introduction/personal musings: I love opening lines so much. When I worked at a bookstore, I used to open books and hardcore judge them on their first lines. I had barely any free time to read at that point so if it didn’t grab me in the first line or two, I put it back. The first Harry Potter book is actually in my pile of really good openers. “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” (Subtle alliteration, HELLO??) So I'm super excited to see if my own first lines come even close to the standards that I apply to other people lol. MY OWN MONEY IS ON NO. I have the feeling that I'm so frantic trying to get the story down on paper before the good words disappear from my head that I'm not actually paying attention to the first line. BUT LET'S SEE, SHALL WE.

So just straight up going backwards, I've written and posted TWO BRAND NEW THINGS after being away from fandom almost entirely for 10+ years! They're drabble length but they're shiny and new! <3 (All available fics are linked!)

1. Tango:

She teaches them to dance so that they can dance with her but when Atem gets that mischievous smirk on his face and pulls Yugi into his arms, their bodies spark and the dance floor smolders at their heels.

(The fic is so short that this is a full 1/5 of it but actually, I think I crammed all the good stuff right into that first line. This already might be my favorite. Like it says there in the line itself, Puzzleshipping.)

2. No Betting:

Anzu sat at the kitchen table writing carefully calculated answers onto sticky notes before attaching them to a fourth-grade math worksheet.

(Peachshipping! This one doesn't pop off until about line five so here's the rest of that bit:)

She had the same arrangement with her spouse as most parents had. When the kids were good they were hers. When they were bad, they were his. And when they were winning at games because they picked up rules with uncanny speed and read their opponents with more insight than ought to be available to a child, they were definitely, definitely his.

3. If you wanted honesty that's all you had to say (working title):

When he realized that the figure sitting under the game shop display window and smoking wasn’t Ryou, the physical body response was as though it had discovered a coiled snake not two feet away.

(This one! It's a NEW half finished(?) WIP. I actually started this one before the drabbles but wanted to finish before posting it. Then it got out of hand, then work got out of hand, then I started a couple more projects and well. I keep putting words on it though and eventually there will be a Kleptoshipper that turns into Puzzle and Tender for your reading enjoyment. Also, fair warning - don't use song lyrics as a working title. Every time I look at the document I get the song stuck in my head.)

Now we have polished up reposts of old stories for their move to AO3, where I'll basically keep my master archive. Not full re-writes but I fixed a bunch of typos and awkward sentences and they're much stronger for it. Most of these are from a pairings contest way back when so LOTS of different pairings and lots of AUs!

4. Human:

It was like a bad noir, the thought crossed both of their minds.

(Scifi AU, Rivalshipping. That one's not bad for a first line. Actually no link at the time of writing cause the re-edit is going up in like, a half hour? an hour? a half day? It's my next project after finishing this, finishing up the edit and posting it on AO3. Now with link!)

5. Blood:

Fingers through midnight black hair, whispers in his ear, touches that sizzled along the skin, awakening nerves and senses. 

(Dungeonshipping, Pegasus x Otogi, vampires AU. Oh that’s a nice first line! <3)

6. Crazy for You:

The keys are too large and too heavy for the doctor more used to more modern facilities but she doesn't say anything, just follows the orderly as he pulls the large door open.

(Manipulashipping, Anzu x Marik, Psychward AU. Still one of my favorites from that era. Big bold warning though, THIS ONE CONTAINS NON-CON)

7. Finality:

“What are you doing here?”

“Saying goodbye.” Bakura’s translucent arms swept across the graveyard. “Is this not an appropriate place for it?”

(First two or so bits of dialogue as the first first is a generic question. You can tell this is one of the really old ones just by that but it's a sweet, sad little Tendershipper that still has a special place in my heart.)

8. Pieces of You:

Glitter caught the light, leaving shimmering trails in the air as it got everywhere.

(Glittershipping, Anzu x Kisara. Another one that's special to me. Kisara is my girl and my first writing muse. <3)

9. Cambodia:

“It was summer of fifty three...”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, it can't have been fifty three. You might be that ancient but I'm not. It must have been sixty three.”

(Jiishipping. Yes. Sugoroku x Arthur. HEY, IT CAME UP IN THE RANDOM DRAW FOR THE SHIPPING CONTEST OK. And my writer's brain hasn't backed down from a challenge yet... Another one that takes 4 lines to pop off but it's a good start. Actually, here's the rest of the bit just because I cannot get enough of these two bickering:)

“What do you mean it must have been sixty three? You don't even know what story I'm trying to tell.”

“Am I in it?”

“What?”

“So you're deaf now as well as daft? AM I IN IT?”

“Of course you're in it, y'old coot. Don't know why I'd tell a story without you in it when both grandkids are sitting here.”

10. Coffee and Cigarettes:

"Cigarettes and coffee? That's not a very healthy lunch." 

Mana crossed her legs and took a refined sip of her own coffee even as her company was not. 

(Mischiefshipping, Mana x Thief King Bakura. Oh this one I'm actually sad that it doesn't immediately sparkle in the first line cause it's one of my absolute favorites of everything I've written. And I think it's the only time I've ever written Mana but I LOVED IT AND HER. Oh no! I lied, I've written her at least one other time though I don't think that one quite captures her sheer chaos energy like this one does.)

11. A Million Missed Chances:

Somewhere along the line, someone made a choice.

(This one. THIS ONE. I think this is by far the most epic idea I've tackled. I still don't know if the sheer scale of the thing came across in the actual fic but in my head it was massive and I remember pounding away at my teeny tiny laptop late at night because the whole thing hit me maybe a day or so before the story was due for the pairings contest. We only had a week to write each fic and my really good ideas never came to me before the very last minute. T.T Conquestshipping, Mai x Valon.)

12. A Fear of Falling:

She drove.

Like she always did when something bothered her.

(Oh the first chapter on this is also one of the really ancient ones. Like one of the very first things I wrote. That first chapter really shows its age and is a little shaky but the others are better and the last one is what fits into the chorological order here. Polarshipping, Jou x Mai. One of my very first ships. Probably THE first actually <3)

13. What Our Creators Make Us:

"Well, well." The match flared, scattering dark shadows until it was blown out and the only light that remained was the red glow from the cigarette end. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

(Psychoshipping, Marik x Spirit of the Ring Bakura. With a bit of Bronze, Angst and Tender in the follow up. Old but I'm ridiculously proud of it, hence it's place in the master archive. Ahaha you can tell how old it is though by how clever I think I am. I thought it was funny to make my audience figure out who was talking and not reveal the characters for a good fourth to third of the fic. Ahhhhhhh. Sorry about past me.)

14. A Revolution of the Spirit:

It wasn't fair.  It just wasn't.

That they were close was understandable (you don't get much closer than sharing headspace) but that even now, after deals were made with gods, endless arguments, compromises and the ultimate guilt trip that he had only been a teenager when he willingly sacrificed himself for all of humanity, things she had only half seen and only partly understood even though they had all been there to witness, that even now Atem continued to invade Yugi's personal space as though he belonged there got on her nerves.

(Woah Nelly! That third sentence should probably be three, four and five. Even if I just split it in half we'd continue the pattern of things popping off in the fourth line. I think that's one pattern that's emerging! A really good bit takes me about four lines to set up and deliver! Oh, the challenge was Revolutionshipping, Anzu x Atem, but the fic is actually Spiritshipping, Anzu x Yugi x Atem.)

So confession time, I haven't been out of fandom completely, I just hadn't written my own standalone stories in a very long time. There are a few (ok ok more than a few) long-running rps that @miss-moberg and I have been adding to on and off over the years. I can't resist throwing in a couple of these.

15. Cafe!

The door shut behind them with the soft click of the latch and the exhale of a breath long held.

(This opening line was from December of 2020 when we rebooted a very old Prideshipper and that is a damn good opening line if I do say so myself. I can definitely see the difference now between the newer works and the older ones. I've gotten better, she's matched me pace for pace and eventually something will be finished, I'll work up the courage to ask permission to post it and the whole internet will get to see how brilliant the two of us are together.)

16. Treasure Hunt!

"Ryou, I think you're going to regret letting me tag along on your adventuring this time."  Yugi didn't bother turning away from the airplane's tiny window to see if his seatmate was paying attention.  He was more thinking out loud with his friend playing the role of a convenient sounding board.  "Because I think this trip is the only thing I'm going to talk about ever again."

(One more from RP because it's got that fun, four line punch that we've discovered is a pattern for me! Opening entry is from 2017.)

Also, in truth, my count is a little off when I say I'd been out of fandom 10+ years. I've been away from YGO for that long but I did spend a brief stint in Homestuck where I read a ton of fanfic, flirted with a couple group RPs and even wrote a tiny bit. 9 years without writing a new fic isn't as impressive as saying ‘over a decade’ but it is a little more accurate.

17. What You Will:

In the land of fair Illyria, along a small, sandy stretch of its rocky shore, a ship has come to ruin and one lone woman lies still as death among broken wood.

(The beginning of a Homestuck/Twelfth Night crossover that I'm still determined to work more on someday. It's only got a single chapter but it's magic though now I'm concerned about not being able to recapture that. Not a bad first line though. The style is so different it took me reading it a couple times before going, oh yeeeeeah, that's pretty good!)

18. Relentless:

You pull him to the deck and then across it by the remains of his shirt. Let him say one last goodbye. His ship pillaged, his crew murdered, his hands bound behind his back and at your mercy.

Funny word, that. Mercy.

(The first line is pretty decent but there's that four line combo again! Five but I could basically fix that with a comma. Featuring the troll ancestors Mindfang and Dualscar because every time Hussey introduced new characters they were instantly my favorite.) 

19. Black:

There is dark and there is dark and there is dark and then there is black. She is black. Licorice and coal. She is hate and resentment and everything that tastes bitter, the kind of black that coats the tongue like oil, drips down the back of the throat and keeps going.

(Oh wow. Am I allowed to say that about my own work? A Terezi/Vriska drabble that I'm putting as much here as I think I can get away with because it's so good that it fucks me up a little going back and reading it.)

And here it gets tricky because I think the more recent of the old, old fics are in the Drabbles and Shorts collection on ff.net and I can't see a post date. So I'll just pick a good one to end on.

20. Two Princes:

It was inevitable as the rising of Ra's chariot after a long night, as the flooding of the river banks every spring, and Atem always knew that Yugi's kiss would be as warm and gentle as the evening breeze in the summer that brought relief from the scorching day. It was.

(How about the final honor going to more Puzzle/Blind? This probably has the strongest first line of its era. Actually I'm not sure when it was written. It was just hanging out in my writing folder and, thinking about it, I probably wrote it when I was fading from fandom the first time around but still trying to hang in there. No wait! That’s too sad, we can’t end on that! Lets add one more to the list for the sake of personal narrative!)

21. Linger:

The world doesn't need him anymore. It doesn't need his sword and it doesn't need his pen.

(A tiny Princess Tutu afterward that I wrote for myself. Nice one-two punch in the opener. Also it rounds out the personal story that accidentally developed here with a line later in the fic, "Words, however, never stray far from a good writer..." Like, wait, stop. Past me, how did you know T.T)

Did that take a sudden emotional turn for anyone else or was that just me. Can I offset that a little with an honorable mention? Let’s do that while I collect myself. Here’s one more.

Honorable mention: Ryou and the Thief

There was a storm gathering and too much magic in the air. Much more than occurred naturally and magic at this level was never a good thing.

(I can’t have a list of things I’ve written without having Ryou and the Thief on it. If you click on this one though, BEWARE, it’s old, it’s silly and it has a ton of explicit gay sex that… would be written very differently if we were handling it today I’m sure! This is the first RP @miss-moberg and I ever did together and our excuse to Gemship and Puzzleship turned into us running the boys through a whole adventure based on the Osiris myth. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever completed and I’d still consider it kind of my legacy.)

And that’s the last 21(+1!) stories that I’ve written! 

The clear winner of best first line for me is 15. Cafe! It’s short, elegant and manages to contain a whole mood even without the context of what’s going on and who’s involved. (Spoilers: It’s Seto and Mokuba making an AU escape from Gozoboro.) Close second is Tango, the most recent story. It’s neat to see just how much better I’ve gotten and also really cool to see that even if the first line itself doesn’t contain a punch, it’s usually because there’s a nice, strong idea being set up and delivered in the first four lines (or so). What a pleasant surprise!

AND WOW, this whole tag thing didn't need to be so long! Or personal! Seriously, if you get this tag from me the challenge is only to list the first lines to 20 stories and maybe try to draw one or two conclusions from them. You all thought I was joking when I said I loved talking about my own writing! But actually, I guess it’s fine like this as I ended up using it as a way to re-introduce myself. Like, "Hey, I used to live here a long time ago and oh my god I love what you've done with the place!" Rather than being someone who's just popped up out of nowhere a few weeks ago to creepily bother all your best of the best creators so....

^///^ Hello!

Thanks for letting me ramble!

Tags! I think I've seen most of the authors I follow do this already but on the off chance you haven't been tagged yet: @elexica (checked your blog to see if you'd already done the tag and saw that you're another person returning to writing fanfiction after 10+ years. Same! Hello!!), @danieco, @draconicmaw, @nedjemetsenen (has someone tagged you already?) and two shots in the dark, @miss-moberg and @edmondia (I'm so sorry you two. T.T Please feel free to block me forever.) And please, anyone else who wants to babble about their own writing! Do this, it was so much fun. <3

[whimsywispsblog]

All’s Not Fair in Love and War

A/N: Hi Wispies! So this is chapter 4! This one’s got little fluff and angst. One of my fav chapters so far. Hope y’all like it! 💜

PART1, PART2, PART3

CHAPTER 4

The next few days went by in the blink of an eye. The only good thing that happened was the return of Woods and Mason.

There was too much for the team to process. The most shocking information was the Greenlight nukes revelation- American nukes run by Hudson which were now in the hands of Perseus. Had it not been for Adler, Hudson would have been killed by Woods when he tried to shift the blame for his blunder onto Adler. While the group was busy figuring out a way to get the control on the nukes or at least find a way to stop Perseus from launching them, Adler decided to break into the KGB headquarters to get the names of the Sleeper Agents. The plan was to break in with Woods and Mason, but they were still stuck in their mission. So it was up to him and Bell.

Hudson was definitely not happy with Bell going in, while Adler was adamant on taking Bell with him. Rei herself wasn't happy with Bell going- what if the side effects of MK-ULTRA showed up? Who would be there to control Bell? And if the side effects showed up and blew their cover, she'd loose Adler forever, even if they are separated.

Reasoning with Adler was like arguing with a wall. Once he decides on one thing, he will never let go of it. "Russ, this is an unnecessary risk! Not only from Hudson's perspective about loosing the names, but also Bell. We never know when he might go out of control."

"Rei, if I were to play everything safe without risks, then I wouldn't be here in this job." The cockiness of his tone irritated Rei to no end. She so badly wanted to just slap him to reality.

"Adler, don't you see?! This is not just about you and your bloody Perseus. You're taking an unnecessary risk and you're going to get us all killed!" Rei shouted. Adler simply puffed. She slapped his hand, so the cigarette fell off. "Fucking look at me when I'm talking to you." Rei growled. Adler looked at her. "You're angry for no reason." Rei shook her head in disbelief. "You're a prick, you know that?" Rei sighed and walked off. Adler watched her leave with a sad expression that was fortunately covered by his shades.

"Gear up, Bell. We're leaving."

-

The entire time since Adler left for the HQ, Rei kept fiddling with her fingers. The thought of things going downhill and loosing Adler worried her. And as a cherry on top of the situation, she was mad at herself for fighting with him before such a high-risk mission. "Relax. We haven't heard anything about Bell so far." Sims said, bringing her a glass of water. "It's not about Bell, Sims. It's just. Does he have to be so damn difficult all the time? I mean, we just had to wait for Mason and Woods. Save the headache." Rei buried her face in her hands. 

"That he is- adamant. But doc can still pull out the riskiest missions without much problem! I wouldn’t be worried.." Rei smiled lightly. She hadn't noticed that the entire time, she accidently bit her lower lip a bit too hard. The familiar taste of metal started to fill her mouth. Drinking some water, Rei decided to go out for a smoke. She definitely needed to clear her mind.

-

Once Adler got back to the base, he was welcomed with a silent treatment from Rei. Luckily, nothing much happened to Bell, except for one moment of discomposure and confusion which was quickly brought under control, thanks to Adler's trigger phrase.

The first thing that Rei did was send Bell back with Sims to the apartment. He needed a proper rest, before putting in another session again. The sleeping pills worked pretty well. Bell was able to sleep better with little to no disturbances.

Once the rest of the team dispersed, leaving only Mason and Woods, Hudson, Rei and Adler, she stomped towards Adler's table, slamming it hard.

"A day's delay wouldn't have killed you Russ! I don't even know what to do with you!"

"Good to see you too, Rei." Adler rolled his eyes. Pulling out a cigarette to light, Rei got irritated even more at him.

"Look, my whole job revolves around risks, but the mission was a succ-"

"I don't care about the damned mission, Adler! I'm not Hudson!"

"The hell did I do?!" Hudson shouted from the corner.

Rei was completely red. Her eyes started getting watery. This was obviously noticed by Adler. He swallowed his retort, knowing that whatever he might say next will ruin the situation.

"Okay okay, lovebirds. This fight ain't gonna get you two anywhere." Woods butted in, his arm around Rei's shoulder. "Say, how about we all go for a drink?" Mason's face lit up like a 100w bulb. Rei smiled lightly at Woods, nodding her head. Adler just shrugged.

"Not me. I'm too occupied for that." Hudson declared, earning a groan from Woods.

"Alright let's go!" Woods announced, pulling Rei with him.

"Those two will never change." Mason chuckled. Adler nodded, smiling lightly.

Rei was a female version of Woods. Loud, boisterous, and hyperactive- they clicked instantly. Together they would annoy the living hell out of Adler and Mason.

-

Just a few shots and Rei was already down. Frank and her almost got kicked out because they both decided to pick on a random man. He kept flicking the man's forehead, while she squirted water at him. Mason and Adler somehow managed to get the troublesome duo out of the situation.

Later they started picking on Mason. The poor man couldn't even get out of the situation without giving in to their crazy demand to go and dance on the stage.

Rei kept snuggling into Adler's neck, poking his cheek every once in a while. The whole time she just kept staring at Adler. His dirty blonde hair, the facial scars, the little wrinkles that added more charm to his alluring face. Adler didn't seem to mind her gazing. He just wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her so that she doesn't fall of the chair. And also so that she doesn't hop away into the crowd.

Frank was busy repeating his tales of bravery over and over, while Mason just sulked about his embarrassment. Once Adler noticed Rei dozing off, he decided it was time to leave. "Alright. I better take her away before she completely passes out." Woods earned a smack on his head from Adler, because he kept whistling and shouting "Fucking shag each other and get back already."

Getting her into a car was an absolute headache, but entertaining too. Rei thought she was flying, keeping her from falling was a huge task, especially with those ridiculous heels of hers. She kept jumping around. Adler's soul almost left his body when she jumped down the stairs. Miraculously, she ended up on her feet, perfectly fine.

Once in the car, she dozed off immediately. Being a heavy sleeper, it was difficult to wake her up when they arrived at Adler's apartment. Giving up, he pulled her out of the car and carried her.

Once they reached the room, Adler gently put Rei on his bed. Caressing her cheek lightly, he placed a small kiss on her forehead.

"Don't go." Rei's tiredly looked at Adler, clutching onto his jacket.

"But...are you sure?"

"1594%. Now come." She forcefully pulled Adler to bed. She turned away from him, pressing her back to his chest. Putting a blanket on them, Adler held Rei close to him. She held his hand, her thumb lightly caressing his fingers, before she slept off.  For the first time in several weeks, they had their first peaceful sleep together.

-

Waking up in the morning, Rei looked around at her strange settings. And there he was, Adler, holding her lightly. Before she could even process anything, bile started rising to her throat. In less than one second, she was already in the bathroom, throwing up her dinner from last night. She could hear the ruffling of sheets and footsteps.

"You okay?" Adler stood by the doorframe, looking at Rei worriedly.

"Russ don't come in here, its disgus-" before she could finish her sentence, you turned away to vomit. Adler pulled her hair back, gently rubbing her back.

"I'm never drinking again." Rei got up, holding Adler's arm for support. Adler ruffled her hair lightly.

"That's what you said last time." He smirked. Rei let out an airy laugh, washing her mouth.

"Freshen up. I'll make some eggs." Adler walked towards the door.

"Scrambled, please?" Adler smiled at her. She's always loved eggs and Adler is great at it. Not just with eggs, but with the whole art of conjuring food with his magical hands. Rei always wondered why he joined the CIA instead of using his brilliant cooking skills. He'd have made a great chef.

Walking out of the bathroom, Rei put on one of Adler's old sweaters. Her clothes were unfortunately covered in vomit and sweat. 'I'll have to stop at the apartment before going to the safehouse.'

The smell of eggs and bacon filled the house making Rei’s stomach grumble.

"Mhmm... I missed your cooking." Rei said, stuffing the eggs in her mouth. She was famished.

"And I missed your eating sounds." Adler chuckled.

Rei looked at Adler, initially annoyed, but it soon melted into an affectionate expression. With a hand on his cheek, tracing his scars, she kissed him, softly. Adler tilted his head lightly, deepening the kiss. Placing his forehead against hers, he whispered "I missed you."

Rei nodded lightly, giving out a 'mhmm'.

A big smile danced on Rei's lips as she stared into Adler's eyes.  She once again pulled Adler into kiss, a rough and hungry one this time. Sloppy and messy with lots of biting from Rei (she's a biter), Adler pulled her up. He lifted her with ease, her legs around his waist. Oh how they both missed the intimacy.

Little did the two lovebirds know that things were just going to get more complicated.

Taglist:

@sophtheunlikelybakeryfestival

@pookolokon

@quizzyisdone

@nikkibell1937

[iceshard1011]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders Characters: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Additional Tags: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Separation Anxiety, Misunderstandings, Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), Non-Graphic Violence, Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Conflict, Protective Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Hurt Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Hurt Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Imagery, animalistic tendancies, Abandonment Issues, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, all from Remus Summary:

This wasn’t what Janus had wanted. To be fair, it was nothing like he had expected, either.

3k word fic below :)

Remus was not a dog, thank you very much. At the least, he was a snarling werewolf with a snout of a crocodile, bulging eyes, an appetite for carrion and a constant erection, because how much cooler did that sound?

So, no. No matter how he acted, or what the others teased him for, or what the internet labelled him as, he was not a dog.

(“Remus, I swear to god, if this stain on the carpet is from you—”)

Most of the time.

(“What are you chewing? No, stop that. Come back. Remus! Spit it out! Don’t eat it faster—”)

Kind of.

(“Remus, please, it’s three in the morning. Stop screaming and go to sleep.”)

Alright, listen. Remus had…  some animalistic traits. Besides being par for the course as his position as a side hidden from Thomas, for the most part, he loved it. It was fun tearing through rooms, deformed jaws salivating, hackles raised, and hearing responding screams (accompanied by Dee’s tired sighs, because not much Remus did ever ruffled his scales).

For the parts that he could control, Remus loved how much of an animal he was. Sharp teeth made Patton shudder, and the tentacles that could shoot from his back were great for latching on and making sure his target couldn’t free themselves.

It was the stupid, grating feeling that came with comparing him to mutts. He didn’t care for the excitement or over-energy or desire to chew interesting looking things on the ground. It was the— the restlessness and the pining and the fear—

He. Hated. It.

Remus could do with drooling but drooling from the sheer overwhelming anxiety pissed off. The way the silver streak in his hair grew, eating up the brown in a minor and selected performance of stress-aging could go fuck itself. The pacing, and the urge to destroy anything in sight, and the instinct to make unnecessary noise weren’t uncommon behaviours for Remus. The depression and anxiety and the damned abandonment issues could leave him alone forever, thanks, just like everyone else he didn’t care about.

That was that problem. He did care. He cared so much he felt like his goddamn chest was being carved out and cracked open and exposed for burning ice and frigid coals to be shovelled in. Ironically, in theory, it sounded a lot more enjoyable than it really was.

It had been a long day. A long, slow, painful day. Initially, Remus had passed time through tearing up the couch — the entire couch — and eating the stuffing. Then he’d replaced the couch he’d just demolished with an albeit far soggier, more stained version that Janus would definitely have replaced when he returned — if he returned — no, shut up, shut up, he is coming back, he always comes back—

Next, Remus had rummaged through his room, then Janus’. After stealing one of Janus’ favourite, fluffiest blankets (knowing full well he’d get a mouthful for it later, if— when Janus found out) he had curled up on the kitchen floor, because it always smelt like Janus and food in there and it calmed Remus’ dramatic heart whining like a newborn lion cub calling for its mother right before a rival male bit into its neck.

That had not helped.

Staying still had allowed for his mind to race too much, bring up too many scenarios, convince himself that it had already been days when in reality it couldn’t have been more than an hour at most.

He hadn’t felt like eating anything, even after a few experimental minutes gnawing at a leg of the table.

Eventually, he had settled for pacing continuously around the hallways and rooms. He had half hoped that he would grow too tired to stay awake, or his legs would become an aching distraction.

When Remus checked the time, he realised with a horrified jolt that the clock on the wall was reading six o’clock. Dee would be back by now. Dee would be back by three. Dee should be home making dinner and throwing the leftovers to Remus and telling him not to eat the dirty bowls.

He was three hours late. He wasn't coming back.

Remus lost the energy that had been bustling in his bones all day. He sunk to the ground against the couch and chewed subconsciously on the end of the stolen blanket. It tasted better than Dee’s boring cooking, but it somehow didn’t help comfort him in the least.

He buried his face into the blanket, wishing the soft bristles were harsh and spiked enough to scratch and gouge his eyes to the point of blindness.

A curse that hadn’t been spoken by Remus made his head shoot upwards. Janus was standing in the middle of the room, rubbing tired-looking eyes. “Those morons don’t stop talking.”

He was caught off-guard when Remus leapt from his spot at the base of the couch across the room in one clean jump to latch onto his shoulders and swing his legs around his waist. Janus staggered, because he wasn’t short, but certainly slightly below average, and Remus was Thomas’ tallest side, and between how much he ate and fought monsters, he weighed a ton.

Janus cleared his throat pointedly. Remus didn’t so much as look at him.

“Remus,” he said. “I need to make dinner. That will be so incredibly easy with you behaving like this.”

Remus shook his head, his face rubbing back and forth against Janus’ chest. “Not hungry.”

Janus frowned. That was both a lie and completely true. Odd.

Nevertheless, he allowed Remus to act the way he wished and awkwardly went about fixing himself something to eat.

 Janus didn’t expect repetitions of scenarios like being clung to by Remus. He figured it was a one-off — he had returned late, and Remus had been panicking. Janus seldom strayed from his plans. Coming back at six rather than three o’clock had not been his intention, and if not for the light sides and the way they seemed to be far too eager to discuss seemingly random matters with him, he would have been back much sooner.

In fact, that was what continued to happen. He didn’t allow himself to get distracted and left the mindscape strictly when he was supposed to in order to return on time.

For some reason, this didn’t seem to be helping.

At first, it wasn’t much. Remus being a bit more affectionate, a bit clingier. Janus had never minded much of Remus’ shenanigans, partially because Remus actually listened to him when he told him to do things. He didn’t ask much of Remus, and he dealt with his chaotic nature far better than anyone else ever had, so perhaps Remus felt like that was worthy of being listened to.

It didn’t mean he always listened. It certainly didn’t mean he always did as Janus asked.

“Remus, let go of me. I need to work” and “Remus, don’t chew on my cape, that’s my good one” and “Don’t you even think about tearing up my pillow while I’m gone” all came to mind.

Janus suppressed a sigh. He knew Remus sensed his frustration, because he tensed, but he didn’t stop trying to eat Janus’ shoe. He was getting slobber all over the carpet, and it was soaking into the bottom of Janus’ pant leg. It had been easy to ignore at first, but Remus hadn’t stopped, and it was beginning to grate on Janus’ nerves.

Now, it had reached the point where Janus couldn’t concentrate on the book he was reading, and it was thinning his strong patience. He pulled his legs in from where they were stretched out and interlocked at the ankles — or at least he tried to.

He didn’t count on Remus to grip his ankle tighter and  growl  possessively. As if it was his leg.

“Stop it,” Janus snapped, yanking his foot away. Remus bared his teeth, growling quietly to himself. Janus tucked his ankles in close and continued to try and read, though his mood was soured, and he still couldn’t concentrate.

It wasn’t the only time Remus’ behaviour had both caught Janus off guard and made him bitterly uncomfortable.

Once, he had scurried back from the Imagination, a goddamn hydra-chimera on his tail. It had gotten as far as pouncing on an unsuspecting Janus exiting the kitchen before Remus had torn it to shreds with his own teeth.

Usually, Janus paid no mind to Remus’ aggressively gory tendencies.

This time, lying vulnerable below a dying creature, being splattered with its blood and guts, was enough to unsettle him. Just a tad.

Another time, Remus had walked into the kitchen where Janus was  trying  to get a cup of coffee, had looked him dead in the eye, and sprayed him with a foul-smelling grey goop that had both stained Janus’ comfy clothes and stuck in his hair for days after.

Janus let it slide, though he wasn’t impressed. That turned out to be a mistake.

The next time Remus threw an unknown substance on him, it burned. It stung like acid, and at first Janus figured merely cleaning it off would clear it away but it didn’t, and it was slicing through his arm and a part of his cheek and his scales were screaming and melting off his face and at this point he had started to scream because goddamn it hurt, why was it hurting so much? And Remus wasn’t much help and even he didn’t know what to do or how to fix any of it and the pair of them were stuck with each other panicking.

In the end, Janus had locked himself in the bathroom and soaked in the bathtub, ignoring Remus’ plaintive pleas to be let in. Janus had figured if he were desperate enough, he'd simply break the door down, but he hadn’t.

The pain had faded, over time, leaving Janus exhausted, pale and shaking, saturated with bathwater and sweat and tears. When he’d emerged from the bathroom, Remus had been curled on the ground by the door. He’d tried to speak, but Janus had practically fled before he could. He had avoided Remus for days after that.

Janus, for as much as he shared the one brain cell with Logan, should have realised after that that something was going on. Something far more serious.

He didn’t.

 Initially, Janus hadn’t seen a problem with bringing Remus into the conversation. Thomas knew his other creativity existed, and the other sides had already been subjected to Janus’ presence several times over. Really, he hadn’t thought that bringing Remus with him into the mindscape would be so bad.

He was rarely wrong.

This time he was so, so terribly wrong.

He had expected Remus to rise and take a swipe at an unsuspecting Roman.

He hadn’t counted on Roman noticing Patton and Virgil’s tensed reactions and ducking to avoid the morning star swinging over his head.

Janus had been too busy being amused. Being amused over Remus’ pouting, and mildly disgusted at Patton’s excited gushing over Roman’s evasive manoeuvre. He’d been too busy catching Virgil and Logan’s shared eyerolls.

But then Patton had clung to Roman’s arm, and Remus’ grip on his morning star had tightened. Logan and Virgil shared an exasperatedly fond eyeroll and Remus’ lip started to curl. And maybe Janus was smiling too much because that was the last thing he remembered happening before everything went horribly, horribly wrong.

Janus did not often consider himself to be particularly clueless or unresourceful. He could adapt and flex to situations, and bend scenarios to his advantage. It was part of the way he presented himself. There was truly little that could ever take him off guard. He had lived with Hissing Teenage Angst and Chaos Incarnate.

Remus suddenly lunging forward, a snarl on his face and bloodlust in his eyes shouldn’t have been one of them.

Remus connecting his weapon with Patton’s chest certainly was.

In reality, Janus wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. He remembered his feet being frozen to the ground. There was shouting, and blurs of colour.

The only moment Janus remembered in full before he caught up with everything was when Virgil, face pale and practically drowning in eyeshadow, looked up at him with wide, petrified eyes and screamed something. Janus hadn’t heard what he’d said, but it shook him enough to jolt into action.

Remus threw Roman into the television and launched for Logan.

The sound of Janus’ snapping fingers cut through the ruckus.

Remus froze, and when Janus waved his hand, he disappeared soundlessly, tucked into the quietest corner of the Subconsciousness. Janus hadn’t been quick enough, though, and the room was still but in no way silent.

Patton’s breaths were loud and harsh, and he was trembling in Virgil’s hold even as the anxious side murmured reassurances and tried to get his panicking friend to calm down. Logan, on the other hand, looked furious. If Janus weren’t so stuck in place, he was certain he’d be shrinking under the cold-eyed glare. He opened and closed his mouth.

“I didn’t—” Janus started.

“You’re leaving,” Logan said, and Janus’ voice left him.

“It wasn’t Janus though,” Patton protested with a small cough, and was then quietened by Virgil. “And— and I want Remus back.”

“You cannot be serious,” Roman hissed, only a little nastily. Janus could see the frantic fear in his gaze; he wasn’t being harsh on purpose. He never was.

“He’s obviously hurting,” Patton said, and Janus got a sudden surge of anger flooding the apathy; what could have possibly possessed Remus to attack the moral side? Patton winced and shifted, pulling away from where Virgil was experimentally poking at his side. “Blocking him out isn’t going to help.”

“That is a stupid idea.” Janus jerked and looked over at Logan, startled. The logical side had turned his furious gaze to the light sides curled on the ground. “You want the crazy maniac back in here? What, so he can attack Virgil next?”

The anxious side flinched, looking wildly uncomfortable. Patton frowned disapprovingly which Janus found hysterically amusing.

“We wouldn’t leave you alone,” Patton pointed out to Logan.

“I wouldn’t be so barbaric,” Logan snapped back.

“He’s rambunctious but not cruel,” interjected Janus, stepping forward. He met the logical side’s furious gaze steadily and coldly. “He is not your concern.”

“He just attacked Patton,” Logan said, close to seething. “That is concerning enough for me.”

“I will take care of it,” Janus assured. He nodded Logan to his friends. “You worry about your own family. Patton's ribs could be broken.”

Logan’s clenched fists shook, and he shoved unnecessarily roughly past Janus, but he did drop the conversation, instead now focusing on what he could fix. Janus just had to do the same thing.

With a deep breath like he was preparing to plunge into frigid ocean depths, he sunk to the Subconscious. Remus wasn’t in the living room. In fact, even more worryingly, there was no sign he had been there in the first place. That was… slightly disconcerting.

There was evidence of Remus’ presence, however, the nearer Janus got to his bedroom. Dents in the walls, pools of questionable substances that Janus dutifully avoided, an abandoned summoned fish flopping uselessly on the carpet. Janus gave that a wide berth, too, not entirely trusting it not to snap and grow an unhinged jaw in an attempt to swallow him whole.

He didn’t bother to call through Remus’ bedroom door. Chances where he would be refused entry or attacked once revealing his presence.

Though, he figured when he walked in and found the creative side, neither outcomes would have been incredibly likely.

Remus was curled into the smallest ball he could make himself, so much so that a few of his limbs looked bent and snapped awkwardly to fit himself as tight as possible. He looked paler than usual. Janus couldn’t see any familiar glints of Remus in his gaze. He swallowed the sick feeling rising in his throat.

“That was exciting,” he remarked, moving to shut the door and sit on the unmade bed. Remus didn’t respond. “Patton is alright, by the way. The others will probably fuss over him far too much.”

Remus made an odd keening noise, sounding like a mix between a beached whale and a dying dog. When Janus sidled a sidelong look in his direction, he could see the creative side blinking over at him, something unreadable and alien in his eyes. He didn’t look like he was contemplating more murder.

He looked petrified.

Janus regarded his gloved fingers. “So.” He leaned his elbows to his knees and looked darkly at Remus. His voice was just as dangerous. “What was that?”

Remus opened his mouth, looking to respond, and only make another peculiar whining noise. Janus narrowed his eyes and Remus snarled at himself.

“I don’t— It wasn't—” Remus growled and shook his whole body without moving from his ball. His hip  clicked  and  popped,  and Janus arched an eyebrow. “I don’t remember… doing anything. Until— until I was… Until you silenced me.”

Janus bit back the guilt that met that statement. It was necessary, he wanted to defend. You deserved it, he wanted to lie. “I didn’t know what else to do,” he admitted.

Remus scoffed, but he was nodding like that made perfect sense. “I wouldn’t either,” he confessed brokenly, and Janus had to blink a few times to see clearly.

“Anything on your mind?”

Remus grated his teeth together so hard one creaked under the pressure. “You leave,” he started, slowly, after a long pause. “You leave all the time. And… you come back, but not every time, and you always look like you like them more, and…”

“You were jealous,” Janus said, with a hint of disgust in his words. Remus hissed through his teeth, glaring at the ground. He looked frustrated, but at himself. He shook his head, but Janus didn’t think he was disagreeing.

“You can’t leave,” Remus said, looking up. One eye was bloodshot to the point that the tears on the right side of his face were red-tinged. “You said you wouldn’t leave.”

“That was years ago,” Janus said, and Remus made a noise like he was trying to gnaw on a chainsaw. He buried his face into his arms. The vertebrae running up his neck strained at the pressure and popped out of place. Janus stood and moved to crouch beside the creative side. He prompted Remus’ head to tilt up and fixed him with a softer but no less serious look. “And I will continue to stand by it, for however long it’s relevant.” Remus whined at him. Janus opened his arms. “Come here.”

When Remus fell into Janus’ arms, the embrace was accompanied by a wet-sounding squelch, and Janus’ left sleeve grew dark and heavy. He chose not to look at it. Remus’ body shifted in his arms, fixing and mending itself. Remus didn’t make any noise throughout the horrifically painful sounding process. Janus supposed he was used to it, and then felt further disgusted at that idea.

When Remus stilled, his breath warm against the scales of Janus’ neck, the deceitful side rubbed his back and leaned away in order to meet his gaze.

“Patton is okay,” he reaffirmed, and Remus seemed to be decently comforted now. “But really, let’s try and  not  make this a habit, hmm?” Remus nodded, pushing his face back into Janus’ shoulder.

The pair would sit there for a little while longer, quiet and peaceful, as odd as that would be for the embodiment of chaos. Then Janus would leave Remus to clean up his room and himself and return to the light sides. They would already be mostly recovered, even if Logan were still slightly pissy. Patton would ask for Remus, and the next day, Janus would lead the dark creative side back into the mindscape, even if he would sulk behind Janus’ back like a stray puppy.

Patton, limping only slightly, would brighten immediately and slide them warm mugs of coffee. Remus would gnaw on the mug handle, and Janus would coax Roman into casual banter. Logan would separate himself from the conversation with a newspaper, and Virgil would be quieter than usual… but it was better than what Janus would have expected.

Remus would be more softly spoken for a few more days after that, but then the pair would be invited to a few more movie nights, a few more dinners. Patton wouldn’t be uncomfortable around Remus, and Roman would begin asking for help in storytelling. Remus would ask Logan to infodump, and he and Virgil would share music tastes.

Then, a few months down the track, when Janus finds a green door appearing next to the red one upstairs, Janus wouldn’t call himself proud, because that was too dramatic, but… he was always a liar, anyway.

[kingswriting]

30 Day Writing Challenge

hey everyone! i’m trying to challenge myself to get back into writing, and i’d like to challenge everyone to do it with me! you don’t have to start on a certain day - just jump in whenever you want! 

Day 1: Write for the duration of one song. Do that again for another song. Or don’t. Or do it again for a whole playlist. It’s totally up to you! Don’t think or plan what you’re going to write. Just write. Stop the second the song ends. 

Day 2: Find an image that really speaks to you. Write something based on it. It can be an image of anything, whether it be fanart for a specific fandom or just a picture of scenery. 

Day 3: Find a one sentence prompt from tumblr or pinterest and write a piece about it. Length doesn’t matter. 

Day 4: Find a book in your home and flip to one of the following pages: 28, 106, 242. Find one of the following sentences: 10th, 23rd, 38th. Use that sentence to write a piece.

Day 5: I read somewhere that Elvis Presley still gets hundreds of Valentines sent to his address every year. I don’t know how true it is, but it’s kind of cute. Write about someone who wrote one of those Valentines. 

Day 6: Find this year’s Inktober list. (Hint: It’s right here.) Randomly generate a number. Write something based on that numbered prompt. 

Day 7: For today’s prompt, you’re gonna reach way back in your head and remember something you wrote way back in the day, when you first started writing. Whether that be a year ago or 10 years ago, write a scene that you think you could improve upon. If you can’t think of anything, rewrite a scene in some piece of media you’ve consumed recently that you think you could improve upon. 

Day 8: Use this generator to create a random character. Write about them. For an extra challenge, write about two random characters. 

Day 9: Think of a movie, book, tv trope that you really hate. Do you hate when a big, dramatic scene ends and turns out to just be a dream? Do you hate the manic pixie dream girl? Do you, like all of us, hate ‘kill your gays?’ Flip it on its head. Instead of the queer coded fashionable villain trope, write about a straight coded, khaki-wearing villain. If you need help check out tvtropes.com. 

Day 10: Freewrite. Set yourself a timer, whether it be for a minute, two minutes, five, or fifteen, freewrite. Don’t plan anything ahead of time. Let the words flow and see what happens. 

Day 11: Find five things in your room that seem really unimportant, like a pencil, a dog bowl, or an empty cardboard box. Choose one of those things. Write a piece about that thing being the emotional centerpoint. 

Day 12: Have you ever seen a music video that just makes you wanna create something? You can’t tell exactly what it is about it, but it just makes you wanna do something? Find that music video and watch it. During the duration of the music video, think. Let your brain be creative. After you watch it, write for 5 minutes. If you don’t have a music video in mind, challenge yourself to choose a music video outside of the genre you usually listen to and let it inspire you. 

Day 13: Write a little something about your favorite OC. This can be a character from a WIP you’re already working on, or an OC you shelved a while back. Just have fun with it! For an extra challenge, try to write something over 1000 words. 

Day 14: What if two main characters from two different stories got switched? What if Harry Potter and Percy Jackson switched places? Write about a main character ending up in a different story - whether the story be your own original WIP or an already existing story. Don’t be afraid to go wild with this one! Put Jon Snow in your own WIP. Have fun!

Day 15: Sometimes, it’s nice to just read about domesticity- no drama, no angst, just people doing things like grocery shopping or home renovations. Write about someone doing one of those domestic things that just makes you feel all fuzzy inside. This doesn’t have to be romantic - just write about people living their normal lives in a really cute way. 

Day 16: Everyone has a strength as a writer, whether they know it or not. What’s your strength? What do you think you’re best at? Write a piece that really plays into those strengths. Are you really good at writing gripping dialogue? Do you make scenes come to life with your flowery descriptions? Can you make just about anyone cry when you write sad scenes? Do it. Just do it. 

Day 17: Write a piece in which your character has a secret. But here’s the twist - you don’t know the secret yet. Let it come to you as your character is challenged by the people around them. 

Day 18: Have you heard that every birthmark you have signifies somewhere that your soulmate has kissed you the most amount of times? Write about one of your birthmarks. Or someone else’s. Or one of your OC’s.

Day 19: Look up your name on pinterest - it might help to add the word ‘aesthetic’ afterwards. Write a piece based on one of the boards that comes up. If your name doesn’t work (like mine - all I get is chairs??), use your middle name, your last name, or if none of those work, use an OC’s name. 

Day 20: Think of a place in the world that makes you feel a certain type of way. Do you feel small when you look at the stars at the beach? Do you feel at home when you walk through the woods? Write about a character in that specific place and how they might feel. 

Day 21: We all have things that we want to write about our OCs that we know, deep down, will never make it into the final cut. They may be self indulgent, they may be unnecessary, but everyone knows that self indulgent writing is the best writing. Write that scene you’ve been dying to write, regardless of whether or not you’re going to use it in the future. 

Day 22: Time to take it back a few days to the trope question. What’s a trope that you really just love? The pink haired/black haired ship? Platonic soulmates? Take this trope and flip it. See it from a different perspective. Do you love the fake relationship trope? Twist it and make it a fake enemy-ship. Do you love the best friends to lovers trope? Flip it and make it lovers to best friends. 

Day 23: Choose one of these playlists. They’re all catered after certain moods - but try your best to write a piece that is opposite of the intended mood, while still taking the playlist into consideration. Listening to a daydreamy playlist? Write something gritty and realistic. Listening to a love playlist? Write about a breakup. 

Day 24: Write a scene in a genre that is way out of your comfort zone. Are you a romance writer who has never taken a crack at horror before? Write something that’ll scare your own socks off. Are you a sci-fi writer who avoids romance like the plague? Write a good smooch. If you need a little help, here’s some prompts. 

Day 25: Imagine that a tattoo signifies something significant that happened to you in a past life. Write about one of your tattoos, someone else’s, or one of your OC’s. Or just make something up. Write about what happened to this person in their past life, and what the tattoo is. 

Day 26: Choose a scene from something you’ve watched/played/read recently. It doesn’t matter what the scene is. But write it in a completely different timeline. You can change the characters if you’d like. But if the story is a fantasy set in medieval times, write it as a modern piece. If it’s set in modern day, set it in the future. Who knows? You might end up changing the scene completely. 

Day 27: Take this test to find out what animal you are. Write about a chance encounter with this animal and what that might mean for your character. 

Day 28: Check out someone that you follow on tumblr. Find out about one of their WIPs, choose a character from one of them, and write about them with one of your OCs. If you don’t currently use tumblr, ask a friend about one of their characters. Challenge yourself to write someone else’s character as accurately as you can. 

Day 29: This is going to be an easy one - you’ve worked hard this month. Write 1000 words on your current WIP. If you don’t have a current WIP, or you can’t choose one to write on, write 1000 words. Whatever you want. 

Day 30: Take one of the pieces you wrote on Day 1 and rewrite it. Do whatever you want with it- but definitely listen to the song while you do! Make it as long or short as you want to. 

[black-streak]

Waiting for the Worms

Prologue- part 1?

Read this first:

This story contains graphic depictions on drug use implying overdose, child neglect, starvation, outright violence and major character death.

Possible future chapters will include trauma, grave digging, claustrophobia, murder, emotional manipulation, and child abuse. Will add more if they occur.

Please take of yourself and avoid this if you have any of these triggers, this fic is going to be a Lot of angst before anything gets even remotely better.

~---~

The first time they switched, it only happened for a minute. Whatever magic in the universe that created the soulmate connection was benevolent enough to wait until the younger of any pair turned six before a first switch could occur. Just old enough to be able to speak and communicate with the world around them, but young enough to establish a fast bond. Of course, the first few swaps were always quick. Just enough to let you know your other half was out there and alive without adding unnecessary mental strain from such a new experience.

Marinette had only turned six just that morning when she came to in a boy's body, standing in a bathroom and looking down at a woman slumped in the bathtub, needle sticking out of her arm. She couldn't process what she was seeing, not really. Only doctors and nurses used needles, and they never left them in, so why did this lady have one? Did the nurse forget it there and she was too afraid to take it out herself? That's okay, Marinette was brave. She'd take it out for her. 

Leaning over to grab the end of it, she blacked out only to awaken sitting up in her bed. Blinking back the confusion, she ran downstairs to tell her parents what she experienced, leaving out the woman with the needle. Her mama and papa needn't worry. She's sure the lady would be just fine once whoever that boy she woke up as took it out.

…

It took three years for a swap to last more than a few minutes for her. Her parents assured her that this was normal and the switches with her soulmate would get longer once they were both a little older, usually around ten. This time, it lasted over an hour. She was only nine and quite proud to be considered strong enough to hold a connection earlier than average. 

Only, she woke up in an abandoned building.

This couldn't be right, he was in a home last time and that was only a few months ago. Maybe her soulmate just got lost and decided to take shelter for a while? The gnawing hunger said otherwise. Lifting her shirt, she could see the outline of her ribs and began to understand. This wasn't a mistake. He must've been starving for quite a while to be so thin. That much, she realized on her own. The pain of hunger struck up again and she felt tears well up in her eyes, not only for the tightness in her stomach, but for the misery of her poor soulmate. 

When the pull to switch started to tug at her mind, she resisted, hoping the boy would go and eat with her family. It was almost dinner time and he deserved a real meal, even if it wouldn't transfer with him when he reentered his body. She prayed with all her might that at least this would offer him some small comfort. Surely he felt the tug too and knew she was holding back for him. 

Marinette wished she could leave some sort of note, but upon scavenging the backpack she finally noticed beside her, she found it filled with only necessities. She couldn't fault him for that. His survival was more important.

Her strength wilting, she knew she'd let go soon, her last thought a hope that he enjoyed his time as her.

Coming back to her own body, she carefully hid any reaction and resolved not to tell her parents, not wanting them to know the horrible truth. For what could they do? They didn't know the boy's name, where he lived, or even how to find him. And if the sounds and words she had heard in the last few switches were anything to go off of, he wouldn't speak French either.

 Based on her parents' behavior, they hadn't noticed. Perhaps they just thought she was feeling a little down and didn't want to talk. That was fine by her.

… 

When she turned 12, something changed. Marinette had grown accustomed to waking in random places hungry, sore, and cold. Over time, the hunger was less, so surely he found some reliable source of food even if it wasn't enough to curb the ever present twist in his lower gut. He also seemed stronger over time, little bruises and scars starting to accumulate from what she could only assume were street fights. She considered herself lucky the swap never occurred during one of those.

This however? Was completely different. Enough to give you whiplash. 

She found herself in a soft bed with plush blankets and down pillows, the room surrounding equally as lavish. For a moment she wondered if perchance they had a third soulmate who was much younger than them, but looking down at herself, the frame and scars and structure were all the same.

Not sure how to behave in this new environment, she simply sat there, unmoving, until a nagging in the back of her mind told her to check the drawer of the side table next to her.

Reaching in, she found a crisp, folded up piece of paper with her name scrawled across the top. A note from her soulmate. Opening it up, she thanked everything she had that she realized he probably spoke english three years ago and began studying it extensively. Reading his letter was slow going and took multiple tries, but she eventually figured out the jist of it even if she was clearly missing some of the more obscure words and proper conjugations. 

He was thirteen and had been taken in by a man of wealth, Bruce Wayne. This was home now. She would wake up and not be homeless now. He was sorry. Something about her deserving better. His name was Jason. He was very sorry. A man named Alfred was a good person and trustworthy. She would like him. He hoped she liked him.

The letter, as convoluted and confusing as it was at times, broke her heart.

Shuffling through the drawer, she pulled out a notebook and opened it to a random page and grabbed a pen. She was embarrassed to say that her note was probably more confusing with its broken english, but there was no way he learned French while living on the streets, so she did her best to let him know that he shouldn't apologize. He had no control over his situation and that she hoped he found some reprieve in his time in her body. That she cared and was so very happy for him to have found a home. That it was wonderful to know he would sleep in such comfort with a full stomach and a warm blanket and people who cared for him keeping him safe. That he deserved to be happy and thrive without the fear of where he would sleep that night, when his next meal would be. That she was happy to be his soulmate, no matter what.

…

After that, they switched more sporadically. She learned that muscle memory was an amazing thing. Nothing quite like coming to while sparing with a full grown man. And not realizing that it was a spar and not some man trying to actually take down her soulmate. 

The next time they switched, she found a note with profuse apologies and a brief explanation as to what was happening. That was how she began her training with him. She asked her Maman about getting into martial arts so she could keep up with him and continue his training if he got stuck in her body for more than a few hours. 

Obviously her parents knew she had a soulmate and presumably his new parental figures knew he did too, but they made sure none of them could ever tell when a switch occurred. Letters were made detailing their usual reactions and attitudes and way of doing things. Letters were burnt to never be seen by another's eyes. Instinct is what helped them the most to hide their secrets. While Marinette had always been a generally open and honest kid, this was between the two of them and no one else needed to know their business. Especially with his new role as a vigilante in training.

…

When she turned thirteen, that training took a new meaning for them both. He had been Robin for half a year at this point, with only minimal switches during actual patrols, when she received Tikki. 

Directly after defeating Stonehenge, she wrote out a long winded letter in near perfect english- written grammar rules would forever confuse her- to him despite his immense progress with French and placed it in a secure lock box they used in her home for communicating and instructed Tikki that upon sensing their switch as the magic being assured she could, to stay hidden until he finished reading it in its entirety.

Of course things don't work out that simply and they switch in the middle of an akuma attack. Looking back on the footage, muscle memory once again saved their lives, but she still feels horribly about how he got tossed into it. Tikki assures her that he was okay and read her note and wasn't angry with her. That she had been forced into this position in both their lives now, yes, but not at her.

She could only count her blessings that they both already had a background in fighting at this point. If her mentor took note of her easy transition into superheroism, it was easily chalked up to her martial arts classes, even if she had only been in them for about a year. If his mentor noticed his increased agility and critical thinking due to his time in her body fighting akumas and using convoluted lucky charms, he likely assumed it was his own guidance finally taking hold.

…

The last time they switched, Marinette was fourteen and in class. It was first thing in the morning, attendance already taken and lessons underway. By all accounts, Jason should have been asleep, what with it being around two a.m. in Gotham. Switching at this time wasn't unheard of though considering their lifestyles, so upon feeling the small tug in her mind that let her know she was about to be somewhere else, Marinette placed her tablet down and leaned back in her seat so he wouldn't accidently draw attention by tossing the tablet or falling back upon waking as her. Then she waited.

The first thing her disoriented mind picked up was the feeling of a metal bar launching into her stomach which… admittedly wasn't an entirely new feeling, though it usually occurred in her own body and not through his.

Okay, so a fight, she could handle this.

Her arms wouldn't move though. 

They were strapped down, as were her legs and the metal was pulling itself away from her. So she wasn't launched into a steel bar or batted across the city. This was purposeful, she thought as the bar slammed into her stomach once more, erupting in pain without the protection of a magical suit. Despite the fear now coursing through her, she opened her eyes.

Or rather, attempted to.

One was swollen shut and as she became more aware, she could feel broken ribs, a broken leg and arm, the pulsing of half her face. As her one good eye opened, the room spun, but she could see a man in a swirl of purple and green standing over her body. Her soulmate's body. As soon as the world stopped, she came to focus just in time to see a crowbar swing down into her throat, cracking the windpipe. As she struggled for breath, the tugging came to the back of her mind once more, the strain on his body too much to hold her mind in place.

She pushed it back, focusing more on forcing him back into her mind than breathing at this point, ignoring the blows raining down on her.

She was numb by now anyways.

She could feel Jason trying to claw his way back, pushing against her will to switch back, but at this point, this body wasn't strong enough to allow a switch. She was stuck in him and he in her. Good. Jason had been through enough. She could endure this for him. 

Distantly, she noticed the beating had stopped. Hopefully that meant Batman was here now and would take her away from this place. To a hospital or even to their personal surgeon, whatever their name was, she could never remember. It'd be over soon and she could rest through the pain until Jason's body was healed. Then they could switch back. When the pain was but a distant memory.

Smiling to herself at the thought, she managed a tiny smile, not hearing the explosions in the background until the flames were upon her. 

And then she was gone.

[onelungmcclung]

Hello <3 Could you share what behind the scenes goodies are making you interested in Welsh/Roe? Also, could you share some more about the W*bgott dislike? Specifically how W*b comes off as anti-Semitic? I genuinely want to be educated and appreciate it in advance!

hey!

re welsh/roe: haha, sure thing.

re My Soapbox: that’s a more serious question, but you asked very courteously and I’ll do my best to answer. I hope it will taken in good faith by everyone who reads it. I haven’t discussed it publicly before, and I’m unlikely to do so again.

[nb. I’m going to request no rebl/gs on this, just because it’s a two-part answer dealing with two entirely unrelated subjects.]

i. welsh/roe: it came to me in a vision (it did not)

It’s Not That Deep: sometimes I like to pick two characters and speculate what their dynamic would be like in canon and how it might play out as a ship. (sometimes my experimental oneshots backfire on me horribly and I lose sleep over what is suddenly The Love Story of the Ages. I still think the basic approach is... fun? no I have not “learned better”.) so, that’s a mindset in play.

I think perhaps it was this that made me realise that they don’t have much onscreen interaction and thus wonder what their dynamic would be like. I guess baberoe being such a popular ship (and I do like it!) means that most of the roe fic is written through the lens of that dynamic (much angst, much fluff), and I just like to try out other angles. rarepairs are a great way to investigate characters’ less-explored facets. roe is often written as angst-ridden; welsh is probably one of the least angsty characters in the show; he’s a tiny fearless powder keg of energy & humour. what would they bring out in each other? this is for research purposes. (they certainly share a tendency to charge headfirst into danger without hesitating.)

roe does shout at welsh (“an officer & a grownup”, etc). I think welsh respects it, tbh. and I think that’s pretty much their only interaction apart from when welsh is injured.

which brings me onto rick warden’s quote about shane covering him while harry’s injured - he’s discussing it more in the context of acting choices, but the character implications are what I care about. roe is trying to protect welsh while he can’t protect himself; welsh feels protected by him. which is something welsh very rarely seems to need.

of course this is just what roe does. but for both of them, it’s a crucial moment. and for me, I’m always interested in small, potentially revealing interactions between characters who don’t have much screentime together.

ii. so you hate w*bgott

oof. ok.

a disclaimer: it’s only recently I analysed why I’m Not Into this ship. when I first discovered its popularity, my initial thought was “why?” but I didn’t dwell on it. (ship hate means it’s time to go outside.) coming back to the fandom made me think about it a little more closely. 

admittedly, I find webster self-absorbed, entitled and privileged in almost every scene he’s in, so that doesn’t help. but I’m capable of taking an interest in his friendships (1st platoon, for example); I just do not think he and liebgott are friends, at any point in the narrative, and I would ship liebgott with literally anyone else in the company before w*bgott would ever occur to me. frankly I think it’s as plausible as martin/webster or guarnere/liebgott, and it never did occur to me. (that is, of course, just me, but this is my Opinion Hour and everyone has to live with it.)

firstly, I dislike the scene in wwf when he pulls a gun on the german shopkeeper. to some viewers, I think this reads as righteous anger. to me, it reads as self-involvement. what he should be doing is helping the prisoners, not threatening random shopkeepers. (lesniewski gets that. web doesn’t.) no doubt the shopkeeper is complicit in local antisemitism and his business has likely benefited, but he’s not important. the wellbeing of the jewish prisoners is the priority. 

(his anger towards the german troops also comes across as self-indulgent and rather... unearned. the rest of the company has gone through a much more brutal war than he has. I’ve tried, for the sake of argument, to read his anger as altruistic, but that is not how it comes across to me.)

liebgott prioritises the prisoners completely. when he realises the nature of the camp, he reins in his feelings - of horror, grief, anger - in order to focus on the man he’s talking to. he knows this man has seen horror, cruelty and death beyond anything he himself has ever seen or imagined. this is the first time in a long time he has been around other jewish people, and it is nightmarish, and all he cares about is helping them. these people could be his friends, his family, his neighbours, himself: they are his people. at first, he refuses a direct order to tell the prisoners they have to remain here. when he relays it to the prisoners, he tries hard to be calm, not to distress them further. when he cries, it’s only for a few moments, because they are still what is most important: not his own grief for them.

I emphasise this as the emotional context of the mountaintop scene in “points”. liebgott feels unable to show his grief in front of the other soldiers, because they don’t share it, but he can show anger. the commandant mission offers the possibility of some catharsis, of a glimpse of revenge. (what he needs, I think, is to be among other jewish people, to grieve with them, to know that his feelings are understood, shared, recognised, accepted; but he wants to avenge his people.)

webster has lashed out at germans twice: the shopkeeper, the troops. he views that anger as justified. and yet in this instance - an order to interrogate and kill a nazi commandant - he balks. he argues the man might be innocent. the commandant is more culpable than anyone else they’ve encountered, but webster treats liebgott’s anger, which is far far more personal than webster’s, as disproportionate and irrational. he has no understanding of liebgott’s grief and rage; he makes no attempt to understand. he’s uncomfortable with it; he dismisses it. it’s deeply privileged and condescending.

part of me thinks this is just bad writing: it’s a contrived moral debate; webster wasn’t on the mission irl and his presence seems unnecessary; if he’s so opposed to the mission, he should have voiced that to speirs, not liebgott. but bad writing or not, this is the show and characterisation we’re all working from as fans. 

(I think this ship is somewhat responsible for fans mischaracterising lieb as “angry”, for... reacting to antisemitism?. but because I don’t read anything for this ship, I have limited engagement with that.)

just for the record, while I’m pouring out my heart, I don’t see any evidence of a friendship, even a volatile one, in tlp. web didn’t know the men in 2nd platoon particularly well before, and still less post-bastogne. I think he plays politics with jones to try to get off the patrol, and then plays politics with 2nd platoon in order to be more accepted by the group. (the fact neither plan works is... quite entertaining, really.)

I know people point to their conversation about plans for the future as evidence of a friendship, but to me that interaction seems fairly one-sided. liebgott is looking forward to getting home; he wants to talk about it. web isn’t particularly interested in the conversation. that and their scenes together in “points” seem scripted to emphasise how little they have in common. and, of course, that their backgrounds have little in common isn’t necessarily a barrier to friendship, but webster dismissing liebgott’s anger over the camps is. there’s no way to write them being friends that doesn’t involve a heartfelt apology and a lot of slow relationship development.

I don’t lose sleep over what other people write/ship; that’s their prerogative. I don’t have to read it (in this case, I haven’t and won’t). I’m not telling anyone they can’t write this - or any other - ship. I’m simply uncomfortable with its popularity. 

liebgott has some great onscreen friendships (mostly implied, as is the way of the show): tab, popeye, grant, ramirez, babe, mcclung, alley; maybe dukeman, jackson, tipper, luz, martin, malarkey, roe... I could even make an argument for liebgott & lesniewski. personally, I would much rather see more attention given to any/all of those.

[imaginesandideas]

Sorry?

okay it’s so random, but this is a very short (1.8k worth of words) idea that came to me all of sudden, so - I guess it’s my first Diego fic aye? 🎉

WARNINGS: swearing, bits of ANGST and SMUT (underage please scroll down past this)

~~~~~

Living in the centre has its moments. Like shops and bus stops nearby, or great apartments. But there any days when you’d rather kill every single one of your nosy neighbours, noisy people on the street and everyone else who comes in your way.

Why? Cause you’ve had a long, tiring day and nothing went as planned, and all you wanted to do was to have a nice long shower, maybe eat some leftovers and go straight to bed to get some well deserved rest.

But no.

Apparently the universe and someone banging at your door at 3am were having other plans.

So you drag your already warmed up, limb body from the bed, and down the hall slowly opening your reddened eyes and cursing under your breath.

“Good fucking riddance! What kind of a blabbering asshole wakes up people in the middle of the goddamn night for no bloody reason!”

The door swings open and you’re met with the most pitiful countenance one could ever expect.

No, not a box of cute puppies but a whole 6 feet of shameless discourtesy. And missed calls.

“Well, well-“

“I’ll explain!”

“- Diego fucking Hargreeves kneeling at my doorstep at dawn. Unexpected, uninvited-“

“_____ please, quiet love. You’re alarm the neighbours.”

“ - AND, dares to give me instructions on what I am supposed to do.”

Your face is the epitome of resignation and anger, a perfectly sour mix of those two. Normally you’d just let him in, check if he’s injured and go back to bed with his arms wrapped safely around your curled up form. But it’s not one of those days.

“What the fuck do you want...” You speak up quieter now, but with just as much of exhaustion in your voice. Your arms crossed over your chest.

“You?”

“Cut the bullshit Hargreeves.”

“I’m sorry okay? If only you’d know you’d understand.” He’s also visibly tired but you can’t let this one slip out.

“Then tell me!”

“Here?” His eyebrows rise in the darkness of the hall as he gestures around himself.

“Yeah, could be here.”

“Can I at least come in?”

You take a deep breath before nodding and stepping back inside to let him pass. As the door closes you can feel his warm hands roaming up your sides but you shimmy out of his grasp scrunching up your nose.

“You smell.”

“Well yeah, I’ve been locked up for 3 days. That’s why I didn’t come earlier.” Your face twists in shock at his words. He’s visibly broken but he still tries to cover the whole story with guilt so you don’t ask further questions. And you just give up.

It’s way too late to continue any of this and you really just wanted to get those extra hours of sleep before your afternoon shift.

You bring your hands to your face to rub circles around your sleep deprived eyes and sigh loudly.

“Never mind. Clean yourself up, I’m going back to sleep.” You exclaim before heading back in direction of your bedroom. He doesn’t move though and you’re too sleepy to notice.

“Love you.” He calls after you, but you wave him off.

Once your body hits the mattress you’re gone. Your limbs mindlessly tangle themselves in the cold sheets, providing a much needed coverage.

When Diego finally turns the water off you’re long asleep. After grabbing a towel he comes to you, but stops mid-step at the door. Your chest is heaving peacefully, lips are slightly parted.

Somehow, in all of this madness, he found that fragile piece of happiness he wasn’t sure he was deserving of. It was you all along, and it took him so much time to realise that. So much that he was ashamed of himself.

Afraid that maybe his presence is making your life even more difficult. But maybe he’ll be able to repay you one day. One day.

But for now it’s still the night, even if the sun is already brightening up the sky, making it appear both orange and grey.

Throwing on a tshirt he climbs up to your side, curling around your sleeping form protectively. He watches your brows as they knit together in a dreamy haze. How your lashes flutter lightly, how the veins on your neck reappear with every intake of air, how your hair frames your face. Soon street lamps turn off and the sun is about to rise. But both of you breathe steadily together, snuggled, safe.

~~~~~

Some noise almost wakes you up around 10am but your brain has more sleeping on its mind. You can’t really protest, you’ve been up all yesterday and that idiot boyfriend of yours had you woken up in the middle of your blissful, undisturbed rest.

Your head and eyes are still heavy with sleep. Still half awake you keep your eyes closed, only covering your face with your arms for another half an hour. Chest raises, lungs are filling with fresh morning air, only you don’t remember leaving your window open.

Warmth spreads from your fingertips to your feet. Until it’s too much and you squirm, tossing and turning on your back before you abruptly come back to your senses.

“Di-Diego?” You stir sitting up on your elbows before your voice turns into a moan. From beneath your lashes you notice the growing smirk forming on his clearly occupied lips. He’s so pleased with himself he doesn’t even bother to answer. His mouth gently sucks on your clit, tongue swipes across your folds in a sweet yet torturously slow manner.

Classic Diego. But no, you can’t even think about it right now, he’s too good at it. Way too good for your liking. He nips, licks, gently bites on your thighs in the meantime leaving blooming, dark marks. You exhale another loud moan which only fuels his movements. It’s slow and sensual yet intense, enough to strike a match within you. And it burns, spreads from your core to your head and wakes all of your senses. You sit up completely and he pulls your legs up, over his shoulders, devouring deeper. Feasting on you.

“Uhh, Di, what’s gotten into you?” He pulls back with exaggerated pop, grinning.

“You.”

You roll your eyes playfully and in a blink of an eye he’s back at it again, sucking on your sensitive nub with newfound vigour. Your head falls back on your shoulders, eyes follow rolling back into your skull. His hair is soft underneath your fingertips when you reach out to tug at the roots encouragingly and he hums sending vibrations through your body. You’re trembling, losing your breath. Soon enough he notices that and adds fingers to stimulate your folds even more as his lips feverishly continue attack on your clit.

And like a bolt of lightning you unravel in front of his eyes, your shoulders tense just for a moment before relaxing as shocks of pleasure take over you. It feels like you’re about to sink into sheets, pillows and everything else. And it’s too much, your arms almost give out threatening to make you collapse.

Your fingers dig into the hair on his scalp and you gently pull him away, your eyes finally locking for longer than few seconds. Talking seems unnecessary so you shift to bring his lips close to your own. He takes the matter into his own hands yet again and climbs up over you to kiss you deeply. How could possibly not love that perfect mouth of his. You can smell yourself on him just as intensely as the soap on his soft skin. It feels so good it might as well be a dream, but it’s not and you pull away breathless.

“You need to shower.”

“Again?!” He whines in a raised voice and you laugh at how petty he looks like this. Like a disappointed puppy.

“Di, you smell like my cum baby. Don’t want you running on the streets smelling like my pussy.”

Your words cause his pout to turn into a toothy grin.

“Maybe I don’t mind smelling like my favourite pussy.” He whispers with that cheeky smirk of his before leaning down to plant a kiss to your sternum.

Smooth fucker.

“Still doesn’t explain this kind of ‘good morning’.” You lower your voice. “... after how harsh I’ve been last night. I didn’t mean that.”

“I know. But I’ve been a dick several times too, so I guess we’re even. Besides, I wanted to make it up to you. And that prison cell was cold and lonely y’know...” Your laughter fills the room and he smiles even wider, only semi-offended. “I mean it! I missed you.”

“You missed my ass, that’s what it is.”

“I missed those too.” He says squeezing your breasts before biting on your nipple through your shirt making you squeal. “And I love to pleasure my lady.” He adds and you playfully roll your eyes, though you know he’s being genuine.

Since you two got together he made his mission to prove you how incredible you are. In a way, he crowned you his queen. And even if that queen sometimes had to patch him up late at night, he still made sure to pay her back later with everything he could. In words and actions.

You reach up to kiss his cheek as your fingers stroke the skin on his cheek and temple.

“I love you Di. Even if you sneak up on me in the middle of the night like a fucking creep.”

“Love you too babygirl.”

You caress his cheek lovingly and he can’t help but get lost in your eyes over and over again. As if the world did not exist. Only you. Together.

“I also love that perfect mouth of yours.” You tease and he immediately catches it. Two could play that game of constant innuendos.

“Is that so? Well, I love your pretty lips too.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-hm. Couldn’t stop thinking about them in that cell. And your pretty cu-”

“Oookay, that’s enough for now! First - breakfast.” You forcefully roll him off you before quickly jumping on your feet in direction of the kitchen, fixing your underwear in the process and leaving a chuckling mess of a human behind you. You could get used to having that laugh everyday in your bedroom. And such enjoyable mornings. And-

“I’m not hungry though.” He yells after once he catches his breath. You peek out the open door and he’s seated in the middle of the mattress, hands behind his head leaning on the headboard, all spread out and comfy.

“Is that so?”

“I mean, I’ve already eaten, so I’d much rather burn some more calories if you’re into exercising before breakfast.” He says wiggling his eyebrows at you. Oh he’s really good at teasing. But you’re in no way complaining. And mornings with Diego could just become your favourite morning routine...