#look i know erin gets shit from the other girls for how obsessed she is w john paul (im on the prom episode) but like

[hello-yue-here]

derry girls is so good why did i wait until now to watch it

this is the funniest show ever made i believe

[give-her-hell-from-us-pevees]

Partners A.D (Drabble)

Haha... Soo long time no see. As y'all can tell this is not Harry Potter related. I've been binge watching Chicago PD for 3 weeks now and I am completely obsessed with Antonio Dawson. So sorry not sorry if you don't like this or if you're disappointed but I want to write this. If anyone is actually into Chicago Fire or PD let me know maybe I'll actually start writing for them.

Also sorry this is kinda long for a Drabble 🤷🏻‍♀️

Warnings: talks about a case with a child. Some badly written sexy time. 

It was a rough case for everyone. A little, Hispanic, 8-year-old, girl shot point blank in the south side. Nobody took this case harder than your partner, Antonio. Victim look eerily like his young daughter something he could never get over while working the case. After your team was able to make the arrest, you went back to Antonio's apartment with him. He was still very shaken up and you didn't want him to be alone.

"Her eyes, they were just like Eva's. How could someone do that? To a little girl? I mean what if she was Eva? Or even Diego?", Antonio said as he was opening his beer.

"Some people are ruthless animals. They deserve to be locked away forever," you said putting your hand on his leg, trying to confront him.

"He deserves to die"

"That's something for the jury and judge to decide. Antonio you always talk about believing in the system. You know, for a fact, that the system will decide to let that man sit in the electric chair and never hurt another kid again"

Antonio grabbed your hand, raised it to his lips and placed and soft kiss on it. "You're a amazing partner Y/N."

"So are you. And you're an amazing dad."

"I don't know about that. I couldn't do it without your help."

"Antonio Dawson, your kids adore you. They look up to you. Hell, Eva snuck out of her house and got on a train to see you when your ex wife first left. And you know I will always be here to help."

He cracked a small smile, "They sure do love you. That's for sure."

"As they should, I feel like I helped raise them" you joked.

Antonio lean forward rested his head in his hands. The small smile that he showed just a second ago, started to shrink as he became more serious. "They are always asking about you and me. About us."

You took a quick sip of your beer out of nervousness not knowing where the conversations is going. "You mean cases?"

Antonio lifted his head, and said, "No". You noticed that you were still holding his hand and your grip getting somewhat tighter. Now you knew where this was going. "Well yes they ask the cases and us working together. But they also ask about you and me and our days off and the things we do when we're with each other. I mean we're with each other all the time even when I have Diego and Eva.They asked the other day if we were together."

He looked at you right in eyes and said "and to be honest I didn't realize how disappointed I felt when I said no until now"

You always had a thing for Antonio. It was hard not too. You spent all your time together. At work, Molly's, even with the kids when he needs extra help. Nights like this happened often too. But with the job and his family you never thought it was a good idea or a good time.

"Listen, Antonio, I think you know how I feel. You're a detective for God's sake, so if you don't, you should find a different job"

His grip on your hand loosened as he let out a little laugh and rolled his eyes.

"But our job, do you seriously think this is a good idea? Partners at work, and romantically? Don't ypu think that could comprise everything we have worked for? What about Voight? Do you think he will let this slide?"

He placed a hand on your leg and said,"Y/N we have been at this for years. So no I don't think it will. And Voight, yea he will be mad at first but he will get over it. He did with Jay and Erin"

You felt your heart pounding, trying to break through your chest. You wanted it. You've wanted this for years. It felt so close. You didn't even realize that you and Antonio moved closer together on the couch.

"We keep this a secret at work for a while. No one knows."

"Deal"

He leaned forward and placed a hand on your cheek before kissing you. You instantly kissed him back, your hands found there way behind his neck. It wasn't long until Antonio pick you up and moved you to his lap. He moved his other hand down your back and onto your ass. You lips started to drift away from his , to his jaw, and down his neck. He tilted his head back and through a moan said, "Stay the night"

Your hands start to work on unbuttoning his shirt. "Believe me, I plan to".

With that, Antonio grabbed you by your waist and moved you in your back. He shrugged his shirt off. He slowly started to move your shift up, kissing up your stomach in an agonizingly slow pace. You knew you were in for a long night.

-----

It was 10 am the next day when Antonio woke up to the sound of his door being knocked on.

"Shit"

He tried to wake you up, "Y/N, get dressed. Now"

Still groggy you said, " Last night you were begging me to take my clothes off. What's the rush? We have a case?"

"No. My kids are here. I forgot it's Sunday" Antonio said quickly throwing on the same pants from last night and a random sweatshirt. As soon as he said that you jumped up and quickly started to get dressed. "Oh fuck!"

Antonio went to the door to get Eva and Diego from their mother. He was still slightly worked up from the case and he hugged them both tightly when he saw them. At this point, they knew when their dad had a bad case so they played along. When they went inside they saw Y/N in the kitchen, trying to act innocent. "Hi guys! How are you?" She said hugging both of them. They were equally excited to see her, if not more.

Eva noticed her hair was still a bit messy from the night before. "Y/N are you okay? You look really tired"

"I'm fine sweetheart. Just a long night last night. It was bad case, your dad and I were up for a bit talking about it."

"So you spend the night here? With Dad?" Diego asked trying to hide his smirk.

"I uhh..." You were at a lost for words. Luckily Antonio was back from talking to his ex wife and saved you.

"Enough with the questions detective. Come on, I got tickets for the Bears game. "

Antonio and Diego were making their way to the door but Eva stayed back to tell you, "It's okay if you were with dad. We love you. We don't care."

You smiled and told her, " Okay Detective Dawson. Get your butt out the door. Don't tell your Dad or your Brother. Let your Dad come to you about this okay?"

She smiled and nodded. She was happy that her Dad was finally with the girl he has being pinning after for years now.

[spnfanficpond]

April 2020 Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

**Also, due to the number of afas and multiple nominations, each person on this list will only be tagged once. Please be sure to read the entire post so you don’t miss multiple nominations/comments!**

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE APRIL’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Slow (oneshot) by @sunlightdances

Intimacy is sooooo sexy xox

Nominated by @manawhaat

Ritual (oneshot) by @winchester-fantasies

This fic is grounded, subtle, realistic, and has an incredible energy between Dean and the reader! There’s so many little things that play into the bigger picture to make this really flow and work seamlessly as a whole!

Temporary Scars (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Fucking hell. Dean x Donna x Benny is such a rare pair that it’s NOT something I knew I needed, but everything about this dynamic is fucking perfect. It’s a bit of an AU, but I still love the way each character was represented. What they all brought to the table and how they balanced each other out in exactly the ways they needed. There’s a dynamic here that I haven’t seen before, especially not with THESE characters, and they complement each other fucking GORGEOUSLY! 

Boyking fic (oneshot) by @whispersandwhiskerburn

This shit is fucking CRAFTY! There’s a lot of little things that carry through this and the way that ‘control’ is presented in each scene of this fic is very cool. 

Calm (series) by @winchesterswoonathon

Oof! This John series just totally fucks me up. It’s perfect in the way you swoon over him and yearn to see a side of him he so rarely shows others. Maggie definitely knows how to nail the pining for John angle! 

Dream Drabble (oneshot) by @theychosefamily

Sam’s comfort and sincerity in this kill me! It may have been inspired by a dream, but this tracks so well for each of them and could definitely be a scene plucked from the show! 

The Unexpected (oneshot) by @impalaimagining

Goddamn this is sexy as all hell! It’s intense and passionate and scary and dazzlingly wonderful! 

Nominated by @flamencodiva

Three’s A Crowd (series) by @1000roughdrafts

So I was browsing Kay’s Masterlist and came upon this very lovely Gem! I would love to see what happens next and I know Kay is extremely busy, but she is a talented writer and I wanted to put this lovely work out there. It is a wonderful concept and I can’t wait to see what happens!

Just Me & My Baby (oneshot) by @deanwinchesterswitch

A good way to rot your teeth with Dean fluff. This story pulls on your heartstrings and can be just what you need when you feel down.  

The Pact (series) by @coffee-obsessed-writer

This is an amazing AU Sam Fic! It is well written and traps you into the fantasy world from the very beginning. I can’t wait to see the roller coaster that is this story as it is beginning to unfold! 

Nominated by @deanwanddamons

The Sullivan Series (series) by @katehuntington​

I binge read this series and adore it. Zoe is such a badass and an awesome OFC.

It is so good it could easily be written as a series of SPN and I am really hoping it is continued as I can’t wait for the next series. Kate is such an awesome person, hugely supportive and a big influence on me as a writer. This series deserves so much more recognition.

Ride With Me (seires) by @katehuntington

This series is divine. I am so invested in this right now. The way Kate writes is a true inspiration to me and this AU is stunning. Her story telling and descriptions are totally immersive and I am so excited to see where she takes us on this journey.

He’s Not You (series) by @mummybear​

This series is awesome! It’s really building momentum and I’m loving where it’s going. Such a great idea for a story and can’t wait to see where Chelsea takes us!

The Man on the Side of the Road (series) by @supernatural-jackles​

This series was beautiful. I was so invested in this and so sad when it came it an end. It was very cathartic for me to read as I related to the reader so much.

Shatter Me (series) by  @winchest09​

This series is incredible. Such a superb concept and I love the way it has been written. The feeling of isolation and Dean’s desperation to save her had me engrossed all the way through. A must read.

D.W. (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage​

I have recently ventured into dark fic and was recommended this.

Demon!Dean is just 🔥 and this fic is dark, sexy and very explicit. And holy shit I LOVED IT!

Nominated by @moosekateer13​

House of the Rising Sun (series) by @kittenofdoomage

What I really loved about it shows the love can change your whole perspective of the world when love is thrown into the mix.  

The Ones You Love (series) by @kittenofdoomage

It shows how far the Winchester's are willing go when it comes to their family.  

Cosa Nostra (series) by @kittenofdoomage

Loved how in the end love and their bond was stronger than an obstacles that were thrown in their way.

Paid In Full (series) by @kittenofdoomage

Loved it! It taught you look past what you see at first.   

Poor Little Rich Girl (series) by @winchesterprincessbride​

Love how it showed the money is isn't everything love is more important.  

Political Animals  (series) by @winchesterprincessbride

Loved the sometimes it showed the its better to break away from people who are trying to control your life.  

Bed of Roses (series) by @crispychrissy​

Loved how it to taught you to look past first impressions and that there is always more than meets the eye.

Nominated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters​

Control and Release - 30 (series) by @thecleverdame​

I think I might’ve nominated this series before, when I wasn’t caught up yet, but I am now and I just have to recommend this chapter. The entire story is gold but this chapter in particular had me sucked right into the scene at the end. The intensity of the fight and the way they deal with everything that is going on; the emotions, the worlds outside of their little bubble of safety. I don’t want to say too much and spoil it for whoever hasn’t read this series yet. But, if you are one of those people, I highly recommend you change that ASAP.

The Secrets We Keep (series) by @princessmisery666​

Better late than never, right? At least that’s what I’m telling myself to ease the guilt I’m feeling for how long it took me to finally read this series like I said I would. I didn’t enjoy it any less, that’s for sure. And that was even before I got to the twist that made it even better. I loved the vulnerability between Sam and Erin, and the different kind of friendship she had with Dean.

Cabin Fever (long oneshot) by @slytherkins​

I’ve already attempted (and failed) to express my thoughts on this story to the author privately, so I won’t try again here, in risk of my heart shattering all over again. But what I definitely will say (and I will break into my upstairs neighbor’s apartment to scream it from their balcony if I have to) is this: STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING and go read this fic if you haven’t already. It’s a heavy read, yes. But it is more than worth it, I promise you.

Equanimous (oneshot) by @imagineteamfreewill​

I love the tension in this scene. The boys are so in character and I could picture the demons perfectly. And, of course, Cas storming in, being badass, and saving the day, that’s always a plus.

Non-existent (oneshot) by @waywardjoy​

I’m definitely a sucker for a good crack-fic. To be honest, when I read the summary I was already sold. That signature bickering between the boys never gets old, does it?

Nominated by @impalaimagining

Handy Man (oneshot) by @deanwanddamons

Physically speaking, on the list of things I love about Dean Winchester, this checks almost every single box. I love the little things you’re noticing about Dean as the reader - his freckles, the contrast between his skin and the black shirt he’s wearing, exactly which Zeppelin song he’s singing while he works. The teasing is a nice touch too, especially the line about the night before. Proud Dean is so cute, and it’s exactly how I would expect him to react to being the hero around the house.

Nominated by @impala-dreamer

Almost Paradise (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches​ 

Amanda always always writes the fluff so well, but this little bit of bittersweet longing is delicious. Also, she nails Dean EVERY TIME. One of those writers who just gets Dean’s voice down so perfectly. Very Very well done!

Enough Time (oneshot)  by @dissect-me​ 

I was just scrolling the pond list and found this wonderful Destiel fic. I mean… the emotions were intense and I was a mess by the end. Just lovely and so well done. I will be diving back through their masterlist for more Destiel!!

  Nominated by @kittenofdoomage

Life For Rent (series) by @winchest09

@katehuntington told me to go read this so I did and I do not regret it. An amazingly sexy (and at times, heartbreaking) series, not for the faint of heart. Totally waiting on edge for the next chapter.

Call Of The Ocean (series) by @flamencodiva and @anatheweirdo​

I’m fairly certain I’ve nominated this before but it’s so good, I’m gonna nominate it again. You will absolutely become invested in Thasman’s well-being.

Nominated by @fangirlxwritesx67​

Communion (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

But Dean’s natural state is this – nesting, nuzzling, curled up and warm. He speaks softly and quietly. His voice isn’t always rough and hard. He sings. MY FEELS. This is beautiful and heart-wrenching all at once.

Sex with Dean is always really good. A lot of times it’s a rushed, life-affirming kind of thing. So when we have time, every touch is at once charged and grounded. And when we have time and are also able to imbibe? It’s metamorphic. All of this, just one perfect line after another. WOW

Just to be his in our own little bubble. And this, this is exactly how this story feels- so close and heavy and perfect Amazing work,.Like, really astounding.

Synesthesia (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock​

Lou took this prompt and did something wildly creative! It’s so well done that the reader can see and feel and taste it.

Wild Thing (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

I am in love with the Everything series so, so much. Lou has done a beautiful job of building a world with J2 x reader, so loving and creative and hot. This one is, for sure, a favorite! Incorporates one of my favorite quotes into a smoking hot fic. Good work!!

Dear Mr. Fantasy (oneshot) by @itmighthavebeenintentional​

But there’s one particular Other Dean, a favorite one his mind drifts to during rare peaceful moments. Daydreaming when he should be researching, drifting off when a particular song plays on the radio while he’s working on Baby, even washing his hands sometimes will pull him back to those dreams.

6 paragraphs in, and I knew Val was going to break my heart. This is a gorgeous gorgeous story! Creative premise, great characterization, and written so that you can see and taste and feel every moment.

I found myself wanting to both read faster, and slow down and savor it. And yes, it broke my heart, but so beautifully that I would let it happen over and over again.

Weight (oneshot) by @67midnightwriter​

This one is short and both painful and beautiful. So very heavy with experience and meaning. An excellent example of the ways that our favorite characters can help inspire us, lift us and encourage us to keep going

The Second Hand Unwinds (oneshot) by @mskathywriteswords​

Kathy is new-ish to the SPN family but not to either writing or fandom, and it is immediately apparent in her first piece of SPN fanfic. Her creative storyline, her grasp of the characters, and her way with words make it immediately apparent that you are reading the work of a master!

Salvation (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence​

This story feels like an episode of the show from earlier seasons, just the right balance of angst and monster fighting with tantalizing peeks of smut and feels. Excellent job!

There are no words that come close to explaining what she means to him. How she saves what soul he has left. These flashback scenes are both hot and tender. The voice the author  gives to Sam is spot on, achingly familiar. The contrast between the flashbacks and the action is painfully good.

What’s more frightening, a man like Dean, practiced in his violence out of necessity? Or a man like him, on the verge of losing everything and nothing left to lose? This is a well drawn distinction between the Winchester brothers, and such a good characterization of Sam! It’s easy to forget sometimes what a fearsome hunter he is, but this author reminds us with razor sharp clarity.

“You’re safe with me, Sam. You never have to hide from me.“ Such a beautiful relationship between Sam and this woman! It’s no wonder he’s fighting so hard to save her.

This story has an imaginative plot, fast paced action and some sweet hotness! Plus the author does such a good job with Sam, I’m in love with him all over again. I haven’t read this author much before but you’d better believe I won’t miss a story now!

Casual Affair (oneshot) by @fookinghelljensensthighs​

This Dean x Benny fic is short, smoking hot and painfully good. A must read!

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661​

The Force of Habit (series) by @littlegreenplasticsoldier​ 

I read that series at least 3 times now. I love this story, its witty and funny. This fic just makes me smile without trying! Even after reading 3 times, I still thoroughly enjoyed it like it was the first time.  

Satisfied (series) by @crashdevlin​

This is so good, the emotion that this series makes me feel is just out of this world!

Dangerous Signs (series) by @kittenofdoomage

Rhi always has brilliant idea!!! This is one of those and I just can’t get enough of her writing.

Control and Release (series) by @thecleverdame

What start as mostly just porn turned into such a great series with twist and turns!

Hunger (oneshot0 by @impala-dreamer

Oof… what to say about this? it’s Beka! It’s hot and sweaty and makes me want more! Like everything she writes!

Nominated by @myinconnelly1​

Couldn’t Resist (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

This is fun, funny, and sexy. Short sweet and to the point, while still getting you hot under the collar!!!

Dark Obsession (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Where do I even start in this drabble! It's so fucking cute and funny! I was laughing out loud and could totally see TFW trying to play their parts here

Promise Me We’ll Be Alright (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

What a pain in the heart this fic was. It hurt so good!! I was ready to cry

Say My Name (oneshot) by @idabbleincrazy​

Smoking hot! While in general Baby-girl is a turn off for me, this fic is so far from it! funny at the start with some cracky dean who is caught in the middle, then getting some possessive Sam which is like my fav! 

I’ll See You on Your Birthday (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87​

SOOO MUCH FLUFF!!! Like seriously i needed a dentist after. Some cute ABO pregnancy right here!

Just A Number (oneshot) by @crispychrissy

Again Sexy and Funny (I have a type ok) This was a great use of Age Gap and it wasn't creepy and didn't need a little blue pill at all!

Happily Ever After (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

HAPPILY EVER AFTER! It's all i need to say!!!! Read It!

Missing Person (oneshot) by @emilyshurley​

This fic is by my favoritest human in the world!!! It’s hilarious and silly but also almost canon. Plus I make a cameo as Garth’s friend!!! What’s not to love!!! 

Nominated by @lovetusk​

The Only Exception (series) by @ne-gans​ & @negans-lucille-tblr​  

While only the prequel so far, I’m too hyped for this beauty to NOT nominate it.

Survive (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage 

I’m always here for some Alpha!Sam, but this one punched me right in the feels. How dare anyone keep him from his Omega.

He Wasn’t In Love With You (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87  

Dawn doesn't angst often, but sometimes she does and I love it.

Nominated by @there-must-be-a-lock

Noises (oneshot) by @67midnightwriter 

Just. HOT. Hot hot hot like burning. Dom!Cas playing Dean like a goddamn fiddle... what more can you ask for!?

Come For Me (oneshot) by @fangirlxwritesx67 

My favorite thing this author has published so far! There are a whole lot of emotions in this one, adrenaline and fear and relief and lust and tenderness, and you can feel the depth of everything going on between them and the chaos of the moment. Also, nailed the “oh shit where did this predatory hotass come from” feeling that I totally imagine would happen during a first time with Sammy.

Plus One (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield 

This is smutty and raunchy and HOT but it also manages to nail the sweet, loving side of Dean. Smut can so easily be one-dimensional, but this fic managed to be both filthy and tender in a way that feels 150% true to character.

Dear Mr. Fantasy (oneshot) by @itmighthavebeenintentional 

An absolutely stunning exploration of some parallel universe Deans. Gorgeously vivid language, such incredible character accuracy, borderline heartbreaking but in a way that isn’t hopeless; it makes you feel FULL. My favorite SPN fic I’ve read in a long time.

The Second Hand Unwinds (oneshot) by @mskathywriteswords 

Incredibly evocative, gorgeous wistful tone, and a couple little plot twists that hit you with all the right feels.

Nominated by @winchest09

All I Want (series) by @katehuntington

I love this, so much. I love the take on this particular episode and how in fact it brings back the reader instead of *spoiler*. It’s still ongoing and it’s already tugging on heartstrings and has made me cry so if you read this, grab your tissues!

Ride With Me (series) by @katehuntington

This series has my heart. Like this could be a published book that i would read cover to cover, over and over. The spine would be broken, pages glued in because i would have read it that much. How everything is described, how the world is painted, the characters, the setting…just everything. It’s a must read..A MUST READ.

I Just Called to Say I Love You (series) by @talesmaniac89​

This broke my heart. This was so beautifully written to the point i was sobbing behind my screen mumbling incoherent words to my husband before talking to a few other tumblr blogs about it. If you read this, have tissues handy. Dean was so in character and my heart will never be the same. Must read.

The Man In Apartment 43 (series) by @talesmaniac89

This series has me so intrigued! It’s written amazingly, has me gasping, has me seriously flinching at some of the creepy goings on and I cannot wait to see where this goes! It’s an ongoing series and I’m loving it!

Handy Man (oneshot) by @deanwanddamons

This lovely little drabble satisfies all my domestic dean needs. Covering his fine ass, arms and back. I mean…Come on! It’s just everything that you need in a bite size package. I absolutely loved it!

Nominated by @katehuntington

One For Tomorrow, One Just For Today (oneshot)  by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Sex with Dean is always amazing, but there’s nothing hotter than him singing a classic while he’s doing it. After reading this, that famous song by The Doors will never sound the same. Sit back, relax and listen to the music.

Handy Man (oneshot) by @deanwanddamons

Dean fixing a blocked drain under the kitchen sink in a black shirt and Levi’s jeans; what a sight that must be. The writer of this fic is able to describe the scene in great detail. Besides the obvious appreciation of the gorgeous man, it’s great to see him doing something normal and domesticated. It’s the life we all wish for him. A great little drabble for a Sunday morning with a cup of tea on the side.

You’re Home (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

A drabble that’s absolutely worth mentioning, is this short story. Beka does Dean’s PTSD more justice in 682 words than the writers have ever done on the entire show. A beautiful piece of art. 

Imagine Dean debating asking you out (oneshot) by @luci-in-trenchcoats​

Dean has a crush on a girl, Sam is calling him out. When his little brother threatens to expose his secret, Dean tries to silence him, and it’s honestly the funniest read I’ve had this month. Writing comedy isn’t easy, but this was flawless.

I Just Called To Say I Love You (oneshot) @talesmaniac89

This one hurts bad, but in the most wonderful way. It’s exactly how Dean would go down, the characterisation beyond perfect. The descriptions, the dialogue, the details, the choices. It’s a Rembrandt painted with letters.

Side By Side (series) by @talesmaniac89

Another brilliant creation, based on the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. A song which surfaces a lot of emotions, much like this poetic and amazing piece of fanfiction. Words that come to mind are heart wrenching, tear jerking, and in a way comforting as well. A must read.

The Voices (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss​

Based on ‘I hear the voices when I’m dreaming. I can hear them sing’ from the Supernatural anthem Carry On My Wayward Son, comes this breathtakingly beautiful piece of fanfiction. Perfect lines, spot on dialogue and it couldn’t have been more true to the character. It’s painfully raw, sad, and tears will fall. It makes you feel for Dean in ways that are difficult to describe. The writer of this story is known for her talent with words, but she outdid herself here.

Nicotine (oneshot) by @talesmaniac89

This story is inspired by the song Nicotine by Chef’Special and was written for my 1K celebration. The lyrics to this song are surprisingly depressing, despite it being an upbeat song, and the writer has captured it better than I could have ever hoped for. If her writing was music, it would be a symphony played by an orchestra. Her way with words is melodic and moving. Goosebumps all over. 

 My Hero (oneshot) by @plaidstiel-wormstache​  

What I love most about this fanfic is the medical accuracy. I am no expert in any way, but after seeing countless medical dramas and having done plenty of research for characters and stories, I really appreciate it when knowledge about medicine practically drips from my screen. A lovely read. 

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[crowdedimagines]

Lovebug - David Dobrik

an// this was in my inbox at one point, but i can’t find it now! i hope y’all liked this because it turned out SO fucking cute

~

! David’s POV !

“Hey, you guys!” I talk to my camera as I sit in my car, by myself for once. “You guys probably know when I whisper and I’m in my car, that means it’s time to surprise someone!”

I let out a laugh and reach to grab the tickets off of my dashboard.

“Seatgeek actually helped me out with this one. Y/n absolutely LOVES the Jonas Brothers. I’m pretty sure she’s more obsessed with them now than when we were like ten.”

I reach to grab my phone so I can call Y/n to come out here. I’m sitting in my car in my driveway and she’s inside the house, she has no idea I’m just sitting in the Tesla.

“David?” She answers with a laugh.

“Can you come here?”

“Where are you? Aren’t you still in your room?” I can hear the commotion of her getting up from the couch.

“Actually, I’m in the driveway.” I laugh loudly.

“David.” She deadpans, “What are you up to?”

“Nothing! Just come out here.”

I hang up the phone before she can argue with me at all. It takes a couple of minutes before comes out the front door. Her arms are crossed and she has a grumpy look on her face. I turn the camera in her direction, still laughing.

“So, where’s the paintball gun?” She asks, looking around.

“There’s no paintball gun.” I shake my head.

“Well, you already gave me a car, so what are you up to?” She squints pointing between me and the camera still sitting on the dashboard.

I did give her a car. It was a few months ago. She was still driving the crappy car that she drive to L.A when she moved here. The engine failed and was going to be thousands of dollars to fix. Instead, I bought her a new surprise.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“No, David.” She groans, leaning back in her seat. “You need to stop doing this. I’m not that good of friend.”

She ends up laughing at the end of her sentence, which makes me laugh too. I reach down the the side of my door to grab the tickets.

“Surprise.” I say to grab her attention, she reaches out for them and it takes her a couple seconds to figure out what they are.

“David!” She screams my name loudly getting excited, “You did this?”

I nod, not being able to wipe away my smile with how excited she is.

“Thank you so much.”

She reaches forward and pulls me into a hug.

“Yeah.” I say awkwardly.

“David.” She gives me a look, “You need to stop spoiling me.”

“What? It’s just a concert. It’s not that big of a deal.” I shrug.

“It is a big deal! Even if they’re nosebleed seats, it’s a big deal. You knew that this is something that I would really enjoy and you did it for me. That’s why it’s a big deal.”

I smile and look away to try and avoid her seeing the blush on my cheeks. I have liked this girl ever since the day I met her and she is completely oblivious to it.

“You’re going to come with me right?” Y/n asks as we walk back into the house.

“Uhh, yeah? If you want me to.” I scratch the back of my neck.

“Well, of course I do, David!” She pulls me in for a second hug, “Thank you.”

! Y/N POV !

It takes a couple of weeks for it to finally be the concert date. I literally couldn't be more excited for it. It was such a sweet thought on David’s end to realize just how much I would love this. I’m really glad that he decided to come with me. I have had a huge crush on him ever since I met him, but I think he’s oblivious to it because he’s never made a mood.

I’m meeting David at his house so we can leave together.

“David?” I call as I let myself into the house.

“He’s getting ready in his room.” Natalie answers from the couch.

“Ohh, okay!” I sit down next to her to wait.

“You look cute!” She smiles, looking at my outfit.

“Thanks! I’m really excited.”

“David is too! He’s been talking about it constantly!” Natalie laughs.

“Really? I kind of thought I was dragging him along to this.” I laugh.

“No, he’s definitely excited.”

As if on cue, David finally comes out of his room.

“Natalie, do you think that this is okay for-” His eyes find me and he stops talking, “Y/n, you’re here!”

“Yeah, I called your name when I came in.” I look at him with questioning eyes. “You look nice.”

David seems thrown off by my comment.

“Uhh-yeah-uhh-thanks! You look nice too.”

“Thanks?”

Why is he being so weird now?

“Ready to go?” I ask, standing up from the couch.

“Yeah.”

He grabs his keys and we say our goodbyes to Natalie. Once we get in the car and start jamming to music, things are better. Neither of us notice his camera as we dance to a mixture of Abba and the Jonas brothers.

“Ahh!” I cheer as we get out and walk to the venue, “I can’t believe we’re here!”

“I know! I feel like this is gonna be a good concert.”

“Well, duh!” I grab David’s hand so I can drag him inside faster. We manage to find out seats, which are only two rows back from the front.

“David, these seats are insane! I could probably touch Joe if I wanted to.” I scream over the loud music. It’s only his loud laugh that ensures me that he heard me.

The concert is a good mix of their new album and some of their older stuff from years ago. It gets quiet as they start the next song.

“Lovebug!” I grin, turning to David to see his reaction. He’s already looking at me with a smile as well.

I can’t help but sing along to the song that was my favorite in my childhood. I dance around between lyrics and manage to get David to let loose too.

“David, I know that you know the lyrics.” I turn, his hands somehow ended up intertwined with mine.

“Now I'm speechless, over the edge. I'm just breathless. I never thought that I'd catch this lovebug again.” David sings, making me grin.

Without either of us thinking, we lean in. Our lips connect and it’s the spark I’ve been waiting for since I met him. I can feel him smiling which makes me smile against his lips too. The rest of the concert carries on around us, I can hear the lyrics, but I don’t want to ever pull away from his lips. The lights flash all around us and I feel at home in his arms.

“Wow.” David is breathless once we finally separate, his hands are still buried deep in my hair.

The rest of the concert continues, we hold hands the whole time. Every once and awhile, one of us will interrupt the other with a kiss. All too soon, the concert is over, but David and I aren’t too bummed to drive home.

“I can’t believe that that happened.” David and I slowly walk to his front door. We know that as soon as we walk in there will be people there and we’ll have to explain ourselves.

“I’m so glad that it did.” David responds.

“Me too.” I lean forward to pull him in for another kiss.

We walk into the house, dropping each other’s hands as we kick off our shoes.

“Well, well, well.” Zane’s voice calls us out and we both turn to look at him. I wasn’t expecting so many people to be here, especially since David wasn’t Zane, Health, Mariah, Jeff, Carly, Erin, Natalie, and Jason are all in the house. David seems surprised that they’re here too.

“What’s up, guys?” David asks.

“You guys are acting all innocent.” Jeff rolls his eyes.

“What?” I question.

“How long have you guys been hiding it from us?” Jason asks.

“Okay.” David holds his hands out in defense, “What are you guys talking about?”

“You guys are dating!” Erin shouts.

I can feel my face flush and I turn to look at David and his expression matches mine.

“How did you guys even find out?” I ask.

“It’s all over twitter.”

Oh no. David and I both reach for our phones. When we open up Twitter both of our accounts are being flooded with mentions. Pictures and videos of us kissing at the concert, Different angles, different people posting about seeing us there. It’s all out there already.

That’s what the flashes were when we were kissing.

“Shit.” I throw my head back against the couch.

“So, how long have you guys been dating?” Heath asks, a smile on his face.

“Yeah, I mean I totally saw it coming.” Carly admits.

“Me too!” Mariah shouts.

Everyone breaks out on a frenzy of talking about their theories of us being in a relationship. I look to David and he seems just as lost as I am. He reached forward and takes my hand in his. I knew that we would have to go public eventually, but I didn’t imagine that it would only be a couple of hours after getting together.

We talk for a while with everyone to explain that we were never hiding anything and explain the fact that that was our first kiss.

“Damn, that's your first kiss?” Zane asks as he watches the video again.

“Okay, okay, enough.” I laugh, taking his phone away.

Eventually everyone leaves and Natalie goes to bed. It’s well past midnight and it’s finally just David and I.

“So, what do you want to do about this?” I ask.

“Well, nothing to lose at this point.” David reaches for his phone.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Just wait.” He smirks.

It takes him a minute or two and then I get a notification that I’ve been tagged in a photo by David.

daviddobrik: Kissed her for the first time yesterday

“Baby!” I cheer, looking at his post. He used one of the pictures that the fans took and have been posting.

“Well, there was no point in trying to hide it at this point.” He shrugs, his arm reaches forward to pull me in close.

“Well, I’m really glad you came to this concert.” I laugh, “Just to think, our whole relationship is thanks to the Jonas Brothers.”

I laugh even harder and David just smiles.

“No, I would have told you eventually.” David sits up.

“Yeah, right.” I roll my eyes.

“So much sass. I didn’t know you would be such a sassy girlfriend to me.” He flips us over so he can hover over me.

“Please, that’s part of why you like me. You knew what you were getting in to.”

“Yes I did. I am more than glad to have you as my sassy girlfriend.”

He leans down to press a quick kiss to my lips.

“You’re my lovebug.”

“You’re my lovebug too.”

~

an// if you don’t get his post caption, honey you need to go listen to the song

[advicewithkali]

Mistake, Maybe (Chapter One Draft)

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“What’s up guys, today we’re visiting Woodhils University to surprise a girl name Aubrey and her friend, who say they’re my biggest fans!” David sayid as he yelled into the camera.

He then turns his camera off and holds it in his left hand.

“David, how big of a fan are we exactly talking?” Jason inquires while chewing on green mint-flavored gum.

“I have to show you guys the video she sent me on twitter, I think she’s literarily my biggest fan. Check it out!” He said as he rummages through the slender small pocket of his black jean.

“You too, Jeff! You’re not going to believe this!” He yelled excitedly.

Jeff trudged over to the duo reluctantly, not really interested in the video David was about to show them or the visiting the university at all. David then pulled out his phone and opened the Twitter app, immediately going to his DMs. He scrolled through the messages for a second, before he landed on the video.

“Are you guys ready for this, it’s literally insane.” He said with pure excitement in his voice.

“David, come on just play it already,” Jason responded.

“Okay, okay, give me a sec.” He said as he turned his phone horizontally so that all three of them could see the video clearly. David then clicked on the video and let it play.

“My name is Aubrey and uh-sorry I’m a little nervous and excited uh.” She said as she began to fidget on her wooden chair. “Oh, my God David! Please, please, please come visit my school! I’m literally your biggest fan.” She abruptly blurted out quickly and loudly.

“She really is!” A female voice yelled in the background before quickly coming into the view of the camera.

“She’s literally obsessed with you, David. It’s bad. It’s so bad that we even have a “David Jar” in our dorm room. Anytime she mentions your name- mind you which is like every other sentence she has to put a dol- “She said before her explanation was interrupted by a slim hand muffling her speech.

“Sophie, shut up! Don’t say all of that shit. He’ll think I’m crazy! I’m trying to get him to visit us not run away, stupid!” Audrey yelled in slight frustration.

“Heh, sorry David uh, sometimes Sophie just says too much. Ha, you guys know how it is.” She said slightly nervous again as muffled noises began to come out from behind Audrey's hand.

“But anyway, David if you would come to visit me-us at Woodhill University dorm room 274 I would literally die, well no- but yes, okay gotta go bye!” She said yelled slightly frazzled and waved bye to the camera, along with a still muffled Sophie.

As the screen faded black, David turned around to face Jason and Jeff. “Can you guys believe that shit?” David asked still feeling ecstatic.

“David, I then she might be a little- off.” Jason trailed off and stopped chewing his gum.

“Ugh, Jason. Jeff please, please say you’re siding with me on this.” He said looking towards Jeff.

“Hell no, David. I’m siding with Jason on this one. You go there and you’re dead.” He said not sounding entertained with this idea.

“Well, if the two and the rest of the guys go, then I won’t be alone, no chance. Besides this will make some sick vlog footage! Jason told me it wouldn’t!” He said trying to convince them.

“It would but not if our lives at risk, David,” Jason said sounding slightly worried. “It’ll be fine. We’ll call up everyone and we’ll be all set. Nothing’s going to happen, Jason.”

Jason let out a deep sigh, “Alight, David. Let’s do this.

“Yes!” David said sounding thrilled. “What about you Jeff?” David said looking in his diffraction once again.

“I’m gonna pass. I don’t want to get murdered or risk going to prison again.” He said as he started to walk away.

“Wait, Jeff! If you don’t go how will you ever get that girlfriend, you said you wanted.” David said knowing that he had reeled Jeff back into his plan.

Jeff stopped abruptly in his steps, regretting a few months ago when he told the whole squad that he had been looking to find a serious relationship because now it was backfiring on him.

“Come on Jeff, at least one of those girls had to be your type!” Jason teased as he continued to chew the gum in his mouth.

Jeff smirks small as he turns around quickly, “Really, Jason? I pegged them more of your type don’t you like them young.” Jeff said as he was alluding to his tumultuous relationship with notorious Youtuber Trisha Paytas. They were twelve years apart.

“What?!” Jason yelled trying to act as if he didn’t know what Jeff was referring too. “That’s what you’re going to do old man? Act like you have no clue what or WHO I’m referring too.” He said as he chuckled.

“Of course, I do! I just don’t want to think about the past at all.” Jason said as he tried to make up an excuse.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell the truth Jase, is it because you don’t want Tris- “He said before he was cut off by a series of objections coming from Jason.

“No, no, no! Don’t say that name! I don’t want any more drama!” He pleaded. Jason, then took his eyes off of Jeff and glanced to his right and saw that David was filming their whole conversation.

“No, David! Do not put that in! Delete it!” He screamed as he waved his hands in front of the camera trying to block it from recording any further.

David just giggled as he blocked all of Jason’s attempts to shield his camera. “Are you kidding that clip was too good not to put in! Think of the views Jason, the views!” He said jokingly.

“David, no. I’m going through this all over again with her, I’m begging you not to put that clip in.” Jason said feeling exhausted.

David stopped moving and lowered his camera as he pondered for a bit. A few moments later, he began to speak, “How about this?” He said with a smirked.

Jason, looked into David’s brown eyes, “Really, you’re betting on my life right now.” He said knowing too well that, that statement followed by that smirk never meant a good thing. Jason knew from the past that meant that David was thinking, plotting really, and it sucked to be on the other end.

Jason let out a slow sigh, “What is it?” He spoke in a defeated manner.

“Nothing, much. It’s nothing much just two small things.” He said.

Jason gave him a look of disbelief knowing that when David meant small, he really meant large and at times very extreme.

Jeff moved closer to the duo as he began to take interest in something regarding the vlog for the first time today.

“The first part includes Zane- “

“Oh God, I’m screwed!” Jason shouted out.

Jeff’s left eyebrow raised as he took more interest in the situation unfolding before him.

David laughed as he continued to speak, “So Zane has to come out of this party without hurting himself, breaking anything, or hurting someone else.” He said.

“I’m doomed,” Jason said weakly.

Jeff chuckled as Jason began to panic waiting for David to announce the second part to his “wicked” plan.

“The second part involves Jeff,” David said laughing harder as he observed Jeff’s facial expression.

“Me? Why the hell am I involved in this!?” He questioned loudly.

“I’m glad you asked Jeff, because if you don’t find a genuine connection with a girl tonight then I guess Jason will be on Drama alert this week.

“Yeah, and how are you going to be able to tell if I made a genuine connection or not? You gonna stalk me like your little super fan?” He said in a brazen tone.

“Ha, no. I’ll ask you some questions, see if they add up and if they don’t well… It’s Killer Keemstar for Jason.” He said as he tried to imitate Keemstar.

“Wow, David. You’re crazier than I thought. You sure you aren’t part of the Slovakian mob or something?” Jeff asked.

“Nope, just doing it for some content.” He said casually.

“Jeff please tell me you got this. Please.” Jason begged again. “What am I saying, of course, you do. Look at you, the real problem is Zane. I’ve got to call him!”

“Don’t worry Jason, I’ve got your back.” He said but for the first time in years, he wasn’t confident about the words that came out of his mouth. After all, it had been so long since he’s made a genuine connection with anyone, let alone a girl. He’s a thirty-year-old man, with a lonely apartment, a dog, and a group of wilds friends, could he really get real and open with someone at this point in his life? Let alone in one night?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What’s up guys, so the squad and I are right outside of Aubrey’s door and we’re about to knock.” He whispered slightly as he filmed the members of the vlog quad, which insisted on Zane, Heath, Mariah, Jason, Erin, Carly, Toddy, Jason, Jonah, and Jeff. Then turned the camera back on the door room, 247.

David smiled brightly as he began to knock on the door. The door instantly and swung open, slamming into the bedroom wall. The squad was greeted with the sounds of loud squeals and jumping up and down coming to a brown skin girl with dark brown long hair and a slim thick body and a bright smile from an olive-colored girl with long black hair, dark brown eyes, and freckles.

“You must be Aubrey, right?’ David said with his well-known smile. “Yes. Yes! That’s me!” She said as she switched from jumping up and down to bouncing on the heels of her feet.

“Can I- Can I hug you, David?” She asked.

“Of course!” He yelled as he pulled her in for a hug. The pair hugged for a few moments before David pulled away.

“And you must me Sophie?” He asked.

“It’s Sophia actually everyone usually calls me Sophie or Soph. I really don’t care which one you call me by I’ll still respond.” She said chucking.

“I think you guys should come in before Audrey explodes. Plus, it’s Taco and Tequila Tuesdays and you don’t want to be outside for that.” She warned.

“Mhm, that sounds so good right now!” Zane yelled from the back of the group.

“Zane!” Jason grumbled under his voice as he elbowed Zane on the left side of his ribcage.

“Right, right. I forgot.” He responded back as he retreated slightly from the conversation.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeff’s P.O.V

David was the first one to walk in the dorm room. Followed by everyone else. I was hesitant to walk in. I can’t really say I feel comfortable being on a college campus filled with people- kids about a decade my senior. And David really expects me to find a genuine connection with one of them. He’s clearly lost his mind.

As I walked into the cramped and small room, I noticed how differently each side was decorated. On the right was a very bright, pink, and girly side, it had to be Aubrey’s side of the room. It was pretty much like any other college dorm you’d see. While the other side was decorated in an alternative way. It was darker and had stacks of books, CDs and records, and band posters. I wonder who’s side it was. Not, Sophia’s. It doesn’t seem to match her personality.

I continued to analyze the room as everyone gathered around Aubrey’s bed. I then spotted a small shuffle out of the side of my left eye. I looked closer and saw that it was a girl. She was stunning. She had the most beautiful smooth brown skin and pillow-soft curls. I continued to stare in her direction as I observed her reading a book.

I guess I stared too long because she looked up in my direction before quickly turning away, huddling down in her book further. I was taken back slightly; I had never had that reaction before from someone. I guess she was just shy. I didn’t really know but I wanted too.

I kept looking in her direction a few moments longer, hoping she would look up at me again. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen as I was knocked out of my trance by Toddy when he elbowed me in my right ribcage.

“Dude, you alright? You zoned out for a while there.” He questioned. “Yeah…. I’m fine.” I said back, still not fully paying attention to him.

“Well then come on, Audrey’s about to answer some questions and prove that she’s David’s number one fan!” He yelled at the top of his lungs. Before he could move, he glances back at the girl in the corner and saw her twitch slightly and move closer into the corner as she turned her back towards him.

With that, I finally joined the rest of my friends. I didn’t sit.  I told everyone that I felt better standing but in reality, I was uncomfortable being in this room. Not only was it a room for college kids but something was very off about the vibes in this room.

I left my train of thought to try and pay attention to what was going on before me. I tried my hardest to be entertaining and put on the “Jeff character” but I was so distracted by the girl in the corner. Every second I spent in this room I just wanted to turn my head and peek over at her even if it was for just a second.

“Okay, okay! Next question, “What sport did members of the vlog squad play that eventually lead to a kiss between Heath and me? I heard David ask.

“No way she’s going to get this one!” I heard Heath scream.

“Baby, it’s a wrap you ain’t getting this one!” Zane yelled in agreement.

“If she gets this one, I’m done I’m just- I can’t!” Toddy yelled right beside me.

I then looked up at Aubrey and saw a look of determination on her face followed a smirk and small glimmer of some something I couldn’t put my finger on, in her eyes.

“Beer Bottle Frisbee.” She said with all the confidence in her voice. Her answer was met with extremely loud cheers. As everyone was distracted, I turned my head quickly in the direction the mysterious girl was sitting and saw her getting up. I immediately turned my head back around, this time looking down in hopes of seeing where she was off too.

To my surprise, she ended up leaving without anyone noticing. While everyone was still cheering, I took this as an opportunity to go speak to her. I waited a few seconds before I slipped out of the room quietly and followed the direction, I saw her go in.

As I walked down the hallway, I saw piles of garbage, toilet paper streamers, and drunk guys getting loud in the hallway. This gave me even more of an incentive to find this girl. She doesn’t seem like the type to be safe in this environment.

I followed her for what seemed like an hour. I made sure to keep my distance. I didn’t want her to know that I was following her. I guess I could throw that thought right out the window because this is when she completely stopped walking.

“P-please stop following me.” She said with her back still turned to me.

I just continued to stare at her for a second before I spoke, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to talk to you.” I said, trying to find the right words to say to her. For some reason, my confidence with this girl was swaying.

“Why?” She mumbled lowly.

I walked closer to her until I was a few inches away from her.

“I can’t really come up with an excuse right now. There really shouldn’t be an excuse to talk to a pretty girl, so I won’t say one. I’ll tell the truth. There’s- there’s something about you something different that drew me into you and I just wanted to get to know you.” I said as I smiled.

“I’m Jeff,” I said as I held my hand out and continued to smile.

She turned around fully after I said my name. I could’ve sworn I stopped breathing for a second as I took in her full appearance. I felt wrong in away because I knew she was too young, but I pushed those thoughts aside because this opportunity was too perfect to miss.

I continued to hold out my hand and smile but her facial expression never changed, and she never made and moves to shake my hand. I looked at trying to predict what she would do. She then began to shuffle on her feet and moved her arms to wrap around her body.

“I know.” She whispered lowly. I wasn’t quite sure how to react to her reactions. She seemed so scared and guarded.

“Uh, so you watch the vlogs then?” I asked trying to then of something to get relive some of the awkwardness.

“Um, yeah sometimes. Mostly when I have free time form classes and studying.” She said with a little more pep as she looked up at me.

I smiled small. She finally said something more than one word.

“Not like your roommate, right?” I said as I chuckled lightly. Her face faltered at the mention of her roommate.

“No.” She said quietly again.

“So, I didn’t get your name,” I said.

“It’s ah Kamora. Kamora Maxwell.” She said facing me again with those big brown eyes. Even her name matched her.

“Everyone usually goes crazy for David and the vlog squad and you left? Not your type of YouTubers?” I asked trying to get her to speak more and refraining from personal or sensitive topics.

“Um, I’m just not much of a social person. And I do like you- um you guys but I like to see you guys as normal individuals. I don’t want to separate the human qualities from you guys just because you well know.” She said.

She’s attractive and smart, the full package.

“Believe it or not, I’m not social either,” I said being completely honest.

She looked at me intrigued.

“Yeah from the vlogs and my channel I look like this super social guy, but I hate it. I like to be independent and do my own thing. Don’t get me wrong I like my group of friends but sometimes I just need to retreat to my cave and recharge.” I said just blurting out how I felt. For some reason, I felt completely safe confiding in her.

She nodded her head in agreeance with me.

“So where are you from? You kind of have an accent but I can’t pinpoint it.” I said.

“I’m from New York City, actually.” She said.

“You’re lying!” I shouted getting a bit excited. She shook her no.

“What part?” I asked, knowing it wasn’t Staten Island.

“The Bronx.” She responded back.

“The Bronx, huh? I know a couple people up that way. They’re cool guys. I outta visit them when I head back home again.” I said reminiscing slightly.

“Since you watch the vlogs then you probably know that I’m from Staten Island- “

“The Forgotten Island,” We said in unison.

I chuckled at that and smiled at her.

We stood in silence for a few moments before I began to speak again. “It’s funny how we both ended up moving from one side of the country to the other. It’s crazy to think about how bad my life was going. The decisions and the people I were hanging out with put me right in prison. But, I’m so glad I was given another chance at life and I’m finally able to live a decent life.” I said as I opened up to her.

“For some reason, I feel like you weren’t like me. You needed up her for some reason and I-“I said before she interrupted me.

“I- I’m sorry. I-I can’t do this!” She yelled as she took a few tentative steps back before bolting past me.

I stood there in shock for a few moments. What did she mean that she “couldn’t do this”? Did she mean socializing in general or just talking to me? Was it something I said? I didn’t really know what to say or do at this moment all I knew was I had to find her and I had to make things okay.

[spaceorphan18]

ckerouac replied to your post

“what is your favorite episode from your least favorite season of glee?...”

Ok I love this question, but 1, this is cooper Anderson erasure and 2, I think S8 is way less trash than you do lol

I know - I did think about Cooper - and Big Brother is definitely a highlight, but as whole episodes, I like the other two more :( 

Okay - let’s break down season 8 and see how bad (or alright) it really is! I’d love to hear your opinions on it, RB! (Clearly this is my life now) 

The List - Robert splits the staff in half on some random list that he made.  I think it’s a pretty decent episode, which reintroduces the characters pretty well.  Plus, we get some great Pam stuff, so I’m okay with that. 

The Incentive - Andy has to motivate the office.  Another episode which isn’t that bad, despite being a plot line already done by Michael Scott.  

Lotto - The warehouse wins the lotto, and Darryl has to rethink his life choices.  There’s some good Darryl development in here, and Andy isn’t that bad as a manager - but he’s not great, and it does feel like they keep trying to give Andy plots originally for Michael Scott, which doesn’t help. 

Garden Party - This is the first episode that starts to bug me.  Andy’s obsessive need to impress Robert as well as his parents is incredibly irritating.  However, this episode does get a few points for having a fun Dwight/Jim subplot. 

Spooked - This one is... interesting? Robert asks everyone about their fears and laces it all together for a bizarre scary story.  It’s strange, but definitely watchable. 

Doomsday - Dwight creates a doomsday device! I really wish they had gone more with the tension of not screwing things up, but it’s more about getting Dwight to turn it off.  Not a bad episode despite not being what I initially thought it’d be.  And better on rewatch. 

Pam’s Replacement - Pam’s pregnant and worried about Jim being interested in her replacement.  Shenanigans ensue -- favorite one! 

Gettysburg - I think this episode is boring more than anything.  Andy gets half the group to go to Gettysburg for a motivational trip.  Not only is a questionable Michael Scott plotline, they already kind of did this during The Incentive.  There’s a fun side plot involving Schrute Farms, however it’s not balanced out by the stupid side plot of Robert thinking Kevin is the next big genius.   (Also Pam leaves because Jenna Fischer went on maternity leave, and that might be a reason I think these episodes get worse for a while.) 

Mrs. California - This episode is where I think the season starts to turn really not good.  Robert’s wife comes into the office -- he wants Andy to hire here but not hire her.  It’s so dumb - especially when his wife seems totally normal.  The mind games seem stupid, and make Robert seem insane instead of mysteriously clever - which seemed to be what they originally going for.  Meanwhile, Dwight has the dumbest side plot about starting a gym -- which makes it clear the writers seemed to be running out of ideas. 

Christmas Wishes - The Christmas episodes aren’t usually that bad, and this one isn’t.  There’s a little too much drunk Erin getting weird about Andy and his girlfriend, but it’s watchable.  And there’s some fun Dwight/Jim stuff going on throughout. 

Trivia - This is an episode I’m disappointed isn’t more interesting than it sounds.  The gang goes to Oscar’s gay bar for trivia night.  It’s another watchable one - but there’s so much more they could have done with it.  

Pool Party - This episode is fuckin’ weird.  Everyone goes to Robert’s weird house for a pool party and everyone is just... weird during it.  Except Jim, who just wants to leave.  I don’t really like it cause it focuses way too hard on Dwight, Erin, and Robert, and it’s not necessarily weird in a good way since half of them don’t feel in character.  

Jury Duty - This one is, fine, I suppose.  Jim tries to make it up to the office for being gone for a week, and Dwight deals with Angela having her baby.  I’m kinda annoyed at this point that the writers no longer take Jim very seriously, and he’s consistently written as a dumbass, and the Angela/Senator thing would be better if it didn’t drag on and on and on, but at least this one doesn’t focus too much on Robert/Andy/Erin shit. 

Special Project - This one kicks off the Florida arc, which is...idk, maybe a step up from the rest of the season? This episode is pretty good as it sorts out who is going and who is staying, and Pam’s back! 

Tallahassee - The first episode actually in Florida.  I’m meh about it.  Dwight gets really sick, and there’s some gross stuff going on there.  And we get the intro to Nelly, whom I find frustrating during her tenure in season 8 (she’s fine in season 9), and Todd Packer’s around again, which always annoys me.  The Scranton stuff is fine - as Andy is receptionist for a day. 

After Hours - This one is mostly fine.  I love the plot line where Jim has to keep away from Cathy and uses Dwight to help him out.  The rest of it is meh as a lot of it is Nelly and Todd Packer being weird together, Ryan hitting on Erin, and a lot of Darryl and Val drama that isn’t as interesting as it could be. 

Test the Store - The Florida story is pretty good where the store down there opens, and there’s some interesting things going on.  But I hate the subplot about Andy and Pam being bullied by 12yo girls.  HATE IT

Last Day in Florida - This one is, idk, another meh-ish one? Jim is trying to stop Dwight getting fired, and while I love the dynamic, maybe not one of their better story lines.  Meanwhile Toby and Darryl are selling girl scout cookies, and it’s incredibly boring.  Also, Erin decides to stay in Florida to help an elderly woman - and this kicks off the WORST run in the show.  I’d rather watch Scott’s Tots again than the next three episodes... 

Get the Girl - I HATE THIS EPISODE. Andy goes back to get Erin -- and ends up staying with the elderly woman Erin’s with to woo her back.  It’s so cringy, and both Andy and Erin seem like dumber and more annoying than they usually are.  Meanwhile - while Andy’s gone, Nellie just comes and takes over Andy’s job.  And as much as I hate Andy and Erin at the moment, I hate that his job is just given to Nellie because she decides to sit in the manager’s office.  It’s so dumb.  Every part of this episode is dumb and it probably is the worst episode in the series.  

Welcome Party - Continuing the terrible plot lines of season 8, now that Andy and Erin are back together - they have to go dumb Andy’s not at all developed girlfriend while she’s at a family gathering.  It’s so, so terrible and awful.  And makes Andy and Erin seem like the worst people.  This seems far worse than anything Michael Scott ever did.  Meanwhile, Dwight and Jim are forced to throw a party for Nellie - which is at least watchable, but Nellie is still fairly annoying at this point, too.  

Angry Andy - The Andy and Nellie plot lines come to a head, which you know just by the description isn’t going to go well.  Andy gets angry and terrible, Nellie is still insufferable, and Robert is no longer making any sense at all.  The climax of these stupid episodes is just as bad as the rest of it.  The only redeeming factor of this episode is the subplot involving Kelly choosing between Ryan and an actual decent guy, and everyone helping Kelly try to move on from Ryan. 

Fundraiser - While this episode is at least better than the past three, I find it mostly boring.  The office goes to a silent auction - yay(?) No, it’s boring. Andy spends the whole time plotting revenge against Robert for firing him.  Dwight seems uncharacteristically stupid about the auction.  And Darryl teaches Nellie how to eat a taco (yes that is a plot line) and Angela’s husband hits on Oscar.  

Turf War - This episode is probably the first fully good episode since Special Project? Robert’s going crazy, and closing down branches, so Dwight and Jim go against other branches to steal clients.  It’s nice to see Dwight and Jim work together.  Pam gets to know Nellie - and Nellie’s at least tolerable in the episode? 

Free Family Portrait Studio - Considering that most of the season is rough, this one isn’t bad, though probably one of the weakest season finales.  Dwight schemes to figure out if he’s the father of Angela’s baby - and we’re left on that cliffhanger.  Meanwhile, David Wallace is back as CEO, and gives Andy his job back, and while it’s nice that Robert is leaving (and Sabre is going away), the writing for the show is on the wall.  

So, looking at this list and thinking about it.  The biggest issue is that there’s so much Andy and so much Erin and so much of their terrible romance that it grows tiresome really fast.  Meanwhile, Robert California is a bizarre addition that doesn’t quite fit.  Nor does Nellie, whom it’s obvious the writers like, but aren’t sure how to use her well.  Meanwhile, Dwight, Jim, and Pam don’t feel very present nor do any of them have many memorable plot lines, and it doesn’t help that the writers seem to be stuck in dummy-Jim mode, as well as Pam just not being there for half the season.  

And... there we go, too much time spent on season 8. 

[toddysdiaries]

Perfect to Me - Jeff Wittek x Plus Size!Reader

((GIF IS NOT MINE))

Pairing: Jeff Wittek x Plus Size!Reader

Requested?: yes, by anon:

‘Can you do a Jeff x thicc!reader?’

Summary: Everyone is slightly surprised that Jeff is dating you and their reactions start to grate on you, leaving you feeling like you’re not good enough for Jeff.

Words: 1,607

Warnings: vlog squad being rude about the reader, angst, couple of swear words

A/N: Requests are open! NO DAVID REQUESTS, I HAVE TOO MANY (THEY WILL JUST BE DELETED). Also, of course I don’t think they would actually be like this. My masterlist, queue and taglist are all in my bio. 

You and Jeff had met at a bar, you were a bartender, and when you had asked him what you could get him, he’d asked for your phone number. You were a bit unsure whether or not he was being serious because he looked like a Greek god and you were just, well you, but he had been persistent and you’d eventually given him your number.

You had never heard of the vlog squad before meeting Jeff, so you had no idea what a big deal your boyfriend was and how many fans he had. After watching Jeff and his friends' video’s, you realised that your relationship may be a problem to Jeff’s fans who lusted over him, not just because you were dating Jeff but because you weren’t exactly a model.

What you hadn’t expected was that Jeff’s friends were surprised that Jeff was dating you. You figured that they’d be more accepting of your relationship.

“This is my girlfriend, Y/N.” Jeff introduced you with a wide smile.

“Hi.” You gave a nervous smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Jeff’s told me a lot about you!”

Everyone was silent for a few moments before Zane smiled kindly at you. “It’s so nice to meet you baby! Jeff’s told us a lot about you too!”

You got along with them all well, so it surprised you when you got to David’s once before Jeff and heard them all speaking about you.

“She’s just not the type of girl I could see him with you know.” You heard Todd say. You were about to ask who they were talking about when something stopped you, perhaps they were talking about you.

David laughed. “I know, he’s literally the hottest guy we know, and he’s with a girl like her. I don’t get it. She must be really good in bed.” You felt yourself flush darkly, they must’ve been talking about you.

You heard a few giggles, but couldn’t tell who it was, there was definitely some female giggling mixed amongst those who you already knew were there. "You shouldn't be talking about Y/N like this. Jeff likes her.” Heath pointed out after the giggles had died down. Your heart dropped, there was the confirmation that they were talking about you.

“I like her, she’s funny, and she’s really smart.” Zane defended you, and a tiny bit of warmth flooded you, at least one of Jeff’s friends liked you. But you’d heard enough, you turned around and ran back out, letting the door slam behind you.

You went back to your apartment, forgetting to tell Jeff that you had to cancel and got back into bed, crying. If Jeff’s friends didn’t even think that you were good enough for him, then their fans definitely wouldn’t and you couldn’t hide your relationship forever.

It was where Jeff found you hours later, still curled up in your duvet, with dried tear tracks down your face, the occasional hiccup still escaping you.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Jeff climbed onto the bed behind you, hand tangling into your hair. “I thought maybe you had gotten held up, but then you still didn’t show and then you weren’t answering your phone.”

Fresh sobs escaped you. “I did go.”

Jeff frowned, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean? You went to David’s? Why did you leave? And why are you so upset?”

“I went there this morning, and you weren’t there yet.” You cried. “I could hear them talking about someone, and then I realised they were talking about me.” You bit down on your lip, they were Jeff’s friends, maybe he wouldn’t believe you. “They don’t like me, Jeff! They don’t think I’m good enough for you!”

Jeff froze behind you, he had sensed that his friends were a little bit off with you but presumed that they were just warming up to you. “What did they say?”

You sniffled and rubbed your face against your duvet. “That I’m not your type, you’re really hot, but you’re with me. David couldn’t understand and thought I must be good in bed for you to be with me.” You sobbed. “Heath and Zane kind of stood up for me, but they didn’t disagree that I don’t suit you physically.”

The bed shifted again, and Jeff stood up, pulling his phone from his jeans. “I can’t believe they’d say that about you! They know how much I like you!” Jeff began to type angrily on his phone, his short nails tapping on the glass.

“Jeff, don’t.” You sat up, the duvet falling around your waist. “I mean, they’re right, you’re far too good for me.”

Jeff’s gaze snapped back to you from his phone. “That’s not true, Y/N! If anything it’s the other way around! You’re a fuckin’ angel, and I’m an ex-convict!”

"Jeff, that's not true!" You frowned deeply.

He shook his head erratically. "I need to go and talk to them all, I'll be back soon."

Your heart dropped to your stomach, the last thing that you wanted to do was cause problems between Jeff and his friends. "No, don't, please. I don't want to make it worse."

"Y/N, I have to. They were talking about my girlfriend behind both of our backs and saying shitty things. That doesn't look good on me either, Y/N." Jeff argued, pulling his trainers back on. "I won't be long, and I'm not going to have an argument with them."

You frowned. "Please don't get upset with them, they didn't realise I was listening."

Jeff scoffed. "That's why I need to go and talk to them."

"Okay." You sighed. "Just don't get angry."

"I'll try not to, but they disrespected both of us." Jeff's Staten Island accent became much thicker when he was upset or angry, and you hid a small smile.

"Okay, don't be long or I'll worry about you." You relented, watching as your boyfriend walked away.

Jeff was furious, he was happier than he had been in a long time with you and you had been ready to break up with him over what they had said.

He burst into David's house and went straight into the living room, where he knew everyone would be. "What the fuck, guys?!"

Everyone turned to look at Jeff in shock. "What's wrong, Jeff?" David set his camera down.

"Would you like to tell me why my girlfriend has been crying in bed all day because of you motherfuckas?!" Jeff stood with his arms crossed over his chest, watching as his friends shared nervous glances.

"I told you all not to talk about her like that!" Heath groaned, throwing his head back.

"Well, we didn't realise that she was earwigging!" David complained.

"So, now it's Y/N's fault for turning up somewhere she was invited and hearing you all slag her off?" Jeff was getting angrier by the minute, he turned to Todd. "Would you like it if I told everyone that Olivia was no good for you, Todd? Or Kristen for you Scott? What about if I'd said that I couldn't understand why a girl like Liza would ever be interested in you David?"

Jeff laughed bitterly. "And you two." He turned to Carly and Erin. "I've spoken to you about how happy Y/N makes me, and you let them tear Y/N apart! What is wrong with you all?! Why can't you let me be happy?!"

"We're sorry." David tried weakly. "We didn't know that she was listening, not that it's an excuse. We just didn't get why you weren't dating one of the models that are obsessed with you."

"Speak for yourself!" Zane interrupted. "You guys know I love Y/N."

"Y/N is so damn beautiful, David, I can't believe you'd be that shallow," Jeff growled. "She's smart and funny, and she takes care of me. Which is more than I can say about you lot, taking the piss out of my criminal history."

"I'm sorry, man." Todd sounded sheepish. "I didn't realise you liked her that much."

"I love her." Jeff corrected, causing a few of his friends' eyes' to widen. "But that doesn't even matter, you knew she was my girlfriend and you still chose to make those comments. That's disrespectful to both her and me. I can't just overlook that."

"We're sorry, Jeff," Carly spoke quietly. "I don't know what else we can do."

Jeff shook his head. "It's not me that you should be saying sorry to. You made my girlfriend cry thinking that she wasn't good enough for me. All because she weighs a few extra pounds!"

"We'll apologise to her too," Scott added.

"I think it's best that we don't see you guys for a while," Jeff said finally. "You guys just aren't who I thought you were."

Jeff's friends shared a look again. "Is that really necessary?" David asked.

"Was it really necessary to make my girlfriend feel like shit?" With that Jeff left his friends, hurrying back to you.

When Jeff got back to your apartment, you had gotten out of bed and were sat on the couch waiting for him to get back and nursing a mug of hot chocolate.

"We're not going around there for a while," Jeff told you, plonking himself down next to you and wrapping his arm around your waist, careful not to knock your mug out of your hands.

"What did you do?" You asked, slightly worried.

"Nothin'!" Jeff insisted. "They're assholes."

"They're your friends!" You countered.

"But you're my girlfriend, and they can't understand that." Jeff shook his head. "You're fuckin' perfect you know."

You scoffed. "Jeff I'm not perfect."

Jeff grinned. "You perfect to me."

Jeff Tag List (if you are bolded, I can’t tag you) - @2007rh @chonisberonica   @magcon7280 @daviddorbikstan @kinley-campbell @topnerd03 @yurmom2 @thegirlalmighty01 @plainoldalexis @thots4lyf @silkandberries @merx-3 @grayberrydolan @dattttboiiii @moredobrik @vanessaworldthings @omg-lexiloveyou @miriamxworld

[vitosscaletta]

🍓 🍓 🍓🍓🍓🍓 for ALL your vampire kids! 🦇

AIRIKA..TY FOR MY LIFE! ok this is gonna be long 

CHRISTIAN

🍓 — he’s over 300 years old (that technically makes him an elder according to the lore book… overpowered king) & was embraced in the 1600s, he was the son of a french marquis back in the day 😳 He lived in Versailles for a long time & considered it his home even though people would literally shit in the corners there -_-

🍓 — has NO idea how technology works… he has one of those ugly early 2000s flip phones because he saw other people having those but has absolutely no idea how to use them, much less a computer. Most people just think he’s ~romantic or something for writing letters but he really has no idea how to write an email :(

🍓 — He’s the baron of Bel Air.. has a nice mansion there bc living for over 300 years gives you time to hoard that much money ig. 

🍓 — His grand-sire (??) is Helen of Troy 😳 overpowered af bloodline

🍓 — He doesn’t care about vampire politics in the slightest and is sort of aligned with the camarilla bc he has power within them but there’s no loyalty or conviction.. the main reason he’s in it is to start drama and watch it unfold 💅 He and La🥐 can’t stand each other but also can’t do anything about it… Strauss is okay with him but they’d also sell each other out for one corn chip.. He’s sort of frenemies with Gary, they hate each other because… yknow toreador and nosferatu but they’re equally shady so there’s mutual respect… in an odd way 

🍓 — He doesn’t have any other childe..r… whatever the term is except miss Helena.. he hangs around humans a lot but has no real attachment to them (except being kind of a hoe and.. yknow.). She’s the first mortal in a long time he felt anything for which was mostly just good old toreador obsession but he thought it was love.. she vaguely resembled a lost love of his. and had potential I guess so he actually got permission for embracing her babey… just not from her bc he didn’t even consider someone wouldn’t want to be a vampire.. 🙄

HELENA

🍓 — Having OP Christian as her sire did have its perks even though she hates his guts for embracing her… She automatically had a pretty good position within the camarilla through connection alone :^) she works as sort of an informant/spy for the prince directly.. which puts her at odds with a bunch of people - they either think she’s an inexperienced little girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing and works for an incompetent prince OR hate her for being in his sort of inner circle without having to work for it (like Victoria. she thinks that)

🍓 — CRINGE but it be like that sometimes… she’s descended from a looong line of vampire/witch hunters on her dad’s side - he’s from a catholic german family who was largely involved with the society of Leopold. Michael himself wasn’t overly religious (still studied theology but didn’t actually care) and left all of this behind when he moved to america & got married but after he and Jenny divorced he was like “know what… time to become a zealot again”. His ex-wife and daughters are completely unaware of that of course 😳 dunno if Helena sees him again after becoming a vampire 🙄 but yknow.

🍓 — Doesn’t have any of the “vampires are better than mortals” superiority complex that a lot of the others seem to have.. does think thin-bloods are losers though kjdkjdfnms

🍓 — Only video game she plays is the sims!! she bought ts1 when it came out for fun and got hooked.. ts2 is even better!!!!! first thing she did was make a sim that resembles her and marries a business tycoon 💅💸

🍓 — owned one (1) YSL dress she bought from her savings (which was USED)  but she couldn’t afford anything else so she just wears it with something she found at hot topic every time she goes out with her rich fake friends pre embrace. When she works for La🤡 and actually makes some money she can afford a SECOND dress babey! with shoes!!!

🍓 — She’s actually really into some standard 2004 radio pop songs but also emo songs at the same time.. except the genre didn’t have anything good in 2004 except three cheers for sweet revenge (she’s also really into evanescence, green day and blink 182 which isn’t really emo but it was still part of the experience™ nfdkjdf) - which is also her entire aesthetic summed up, emo meets theatre kid prep.. Helena: *googles “how to look like Gerard Way and Britney Spears at the same time makeup tutorial”*

ERIN

🍓 — sdjhsdh cringe but she’s always been kind of a weirdo but was pretty good at hiding it/acting normal & was part if the prep gang in her high school days (not the leader, more the kind of the replaceable third wheel), she always preferred hanging out with the weirdos though. Post-embrace everyone just thinks “lol crazy malkavian” so she’s just like 🤷‍♀️.. 

🍓 — Her sire, Ray, was suuuch a freak but she liked him because he was something.. different in her sheltered, dull life and made her feel excitement she hasn’t felt in a long time. He bails on her after embracing her bc he sired her without permission & fears execution (even though literally no one cares or even knows he sired someone) but has letters delivered to her from time to time instructing her what to do lol

🍓 — Actually enjoys the freedom vampirism gives her? She’s officially dead so she has the option to start again and be whoever she wants to be… it’s scary at first bc she has no idea what’s going on and where these voices come from but she gets used to it, also the voice of her late grandmother in her head is a comforting presence for her… I imagine she’s actually in there kinda like the heart in dishonored, afterlife isn’t her granddaughter’s mind but it’s sort of an echo of her? IDK she tinkered with magic in life so supernatural schizophrenia added that to Erin’s mind.

🍓 — She loves early 2000′s radio pop (yknow.. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson… etc) but also classical music, stuff from the 20′s, alternative rock, the early 2000s goth music that’s playing in L.A.’s nightclubs …. she’s gonna thrive in 2006 when a fever you can’t sweat out drops!!!

🍓 — She’s part of the anarchs but mostly hangs out in hollywood or downtown (only goes to santa monica to visit the asylum (BEST nightclub ever in her onion. isolated SLAPS)

🍓 — yknow in the 2000s when people had invader zim merch from hot topic.. she owns this backpack 🤦‍♀️ it clashes with the rest of her style which is already a horrendous mix of victorian/early 20th century gothic and 2004 prep style 

VICTORIA  

🍓 — her background is still a BIG wip but she was born at some point in the late twenties/early thirties and embraced in 1954 :^) she was a bit of a workaholic and had an intense work ethic but never made it far within the company she was working for because it’s the fifties (thinking maybe it was her father’s company bc she was RICH.. there was a feud between her & a few male relatives on who’s gonna lead or something)… She was eventually noticed by a ventrue businessman who thought her ambition and no-nonsense attitude would be a great addition to the clan - She was promised a opportunity to rise within a different society without le sexism. Go white feminist queen!

🍓 — her embrace wasn’t really what she thought it would be.. drinking other’s blood REPULSES her and she has a hard time adjusting to it, plus kindred society isn’t really what she imagined - by the time she’s embraced L.A. has no camarilla presence so there’s really nothing for her to do so she moves to New York to join them there.. except she’s stuck with a shitty job and no one taking her seriously because of her age 😒 When they establish a presence in Los Angeles she’s the first to suck up to the prince & be assigned a somewhat high position (I guess adviser to the ventrue primogen and also being tight with the prince is good!!)

🍓 — She dresses very business-y BUT always designer bc she got money 😳 her wardrobe is chic but also minimalist, also with a hint of fifties design because fashion peaked then in her opinion.. mostly in dark colors, reds, browns and mostly black combined with minimal jewelry and high heels… very very elegant

🍓 — genuinely loves romcoms from the 50s and 60s (doris day & rock hudson movies b*tch!!) but also “newer” one from the 90s and 2000′s.. notting hill, pretty woman and 13 going on 30 are her favorites that she watches when she’s off duty, cozy in her downtown apartment.. but don’t tell anyone 😤

🍓 — She’s THE queen bee within the L.A. camarilla… doesn’t have any friends in her workplace but she’s respected by everyone and that’s what matters to her (it does get lonely sometimes but it be like that. She’s not gonna give up her status for shallow friendships 😒)

🍓 — loves those ugly small 90s/2000s glasses but they clash with every outfit she has so she doesn’t wear them

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Yo yo yo I need to kno more about Cleo!!!

After nearly a month (possibly more) here are some answers! Thanks for your ask, love

Tradition states that only rival heirs of the Moriyamas are sent to the branch family. As a girl, Riko was never a threat. However, since Riko’s mother died giving birth to her, Kengo blames the death of his wife on Riko and banishes her. The thing about the Moriyamas are that they’re coldhearted bishes so, when they love, they love with everything they’ve got. With Kengo’s wife dead, his life is cold and empty once more. The name Riko is not be uttered in the Moriyama household, especially not near Kengo. He will scream and cry and throw things. His grief is loud and violent. Many of Kengo’s men are from his wife’s family or were saved by her from disease and poverty. They owe her their lives and in her dying moments she called them all together to ask of them one last favor. She asked them to renew their pledges to Kengo and be there for him, no matter the cost. None of them refuse. Many silent tears are shed at her funeral. Anyway, all of the men are exceptionally loyal to him bc of this promise. Knowing Kengo’s frenzied grief if over the loss of the woman who loved them all as if they were her own children strengthens their bond with him. All of them secretly keep tabs on Riko, though. She looks just like her mother and it soothes their ragged souls to see their Mistresses features on her daughter. 

Kengo’s men aren’t the only people secretly seeking solace in Riko. All the mystery shrouding the existence of his sister is the reason Ichirou was so intrigued by her. You know how Ania has a binder full of snippets of Kevin and Riko and their achievements and stuff? He has one too, dedicated solely to his sister. He secretly watches her games and interviews. 

Kengo’s sister, Kana, is always around. She is Kengo’s best friend and closest advisor. When Kengo’s grief gets too much for him, Kana is the one that picks up his broken pieces. At all of the ridiculous fundraising functions they have to attend, Ichirou catches Kana making funny faces at Kengo from across the room. He's stunned by the sight of the soft twitch of his father's lips as he shakes his head in amusement. Unlike his father, Ichirou is all alone. He blames his father for it. It’s hard being the heir to the most feared crime syndicate in America, especially when you’re going it alone. Riko isn’t alone. She has Kevin and Jean and soon she shall have the Wesninski girl too. Ichirou is just a little bit bitter. He spends a lot of time day-dreaming about the day he’ll meet his sister. Never in a thousand years did he imagine it with a gun pressed to her head. As he pulls the trigger, his heart shatters into a thousand pieces. He stares emptily out the window of the car. 

He doesn't find out about Cleo until Riko’s funeral. Everyone thinks he’s crying because his sister is dead. No. He’s crying because he’s an uncle and he hadn’t even known. After some investigation, he finds out the circumstances of Cleo’s conception. I’m not going into detail but let’s put it this way: Tetsuji doesn’t survive Ichirou’s wrath. It isn’t a quick death either. 

Ichirou loved his sister wholeheartedly but he never got to tell her so. Knowing what he does now, he realizes that she was just as lonely as he was. More than anything, he does not want Cleo to suffer as he and Riko did. His first instinct is for him to take Cleo back. He’ll raise her as every Moriyama woman is raised: a Goddess to be feared and revered. At the funeral he has seen the child sleeping soundly in Wesninski’s arms and now a small part of him stalled. Life as the daughter of Riko and Tetsuji Moriyama will not be easy. If the public ever found out the circumstances under which Cleo was conceived, they’d riot at the very idea of her being raised by her uncle. Ichirou had already denounced his uncle and cut ties with him. He was a blemish on the Moriyama name that now threatened to bring them down entirely with his careless actions. No, Ichirou could not take Cleo back. Not if he wanted to preserve some semblance of his family's dignity. Or so her told himself. 

Unlike his father, Ichirou wasn’t quite as coldhearted. Warmth still bloomed in his chest at the laughter of children and smiles still tinged his lips at the sight of the joys of others. Pain still stabbed through him at the sight of men bleeding out on the concrete before him and guilt kept him up at night, tormenting him with thoughts of the families of women left husbandless and children now fatherless. Above all else, he felt nothing but love for his baby niece and he wanted her to love him too. There would come a day when Cleo learned the truth herself. What would she think of Ichirou then? No matter what she might say, there would always be a hint of doubt in her mind insinuating falsehoods about him. Anguish washed over Ichirou at the very thought. He didn’t think he’d survive Cleo harboring so much as a single seed of hate in her heart for him. Staying away from her was for the best. 

It’s a lot harder than he thought it would be, though. Cleo now lived at Palmetto State in the care of Abigail Winfield and David Wymack. Riko was Evermore’s unofficial mascot and now Cleo was Palmetto’s. Her face is plastered across every screen in the nation. Many Raven fans are livid with rage. This is the highest betrayal. Riko Moriyama had a child and no one said anything?!?!?! Riots are a thing. Someone tried to kidnap Cleo to take her back to Evermore. 

The attempted kidnapping is the final straw. First of all, they’re dismembered parts were sent home to their family in a UPS box. Second of all, Ichirou holds a press conference in which he reveals the truth about Cleo’s birth, explaining why he can’t take her in, and making a thinly veiled threat to the remaining Raven fans about what would happen to the next person who tried to harm her. No one ever bothers Palmetto State again. 

Cleo grows up hating Riko. For a long time, she doesn’t know she’s Riko’s daughter. All photos of Riko are banned. The adults only ever talk about her when they think Cleo is asleep. Cleo wakes in the middle of the night for a drink of water and creeps over to the kitchen. She can hear the adults angrily hissing at one another. They’re talking about someone named Riko with as much hate as Cleo’s ever heard. Wymack is always mad but this is something else. Abby seems upset as well, a truly rare sight. She doesn’t know who Riko is but she hates her now. 

Cleo only finds out when she goes to school. After intense debate, the Foxes decided to keep her last name as it was. It was already too well known to do anything about it. Some kid comes from an exy obsessed family and mentions that she looks a lot like Riko Moriyama. Cleo gets sent to the principal's office for punching the kid. 

Wymack and Abby can no longer hide it. They sit her down at the kitchen table and tell her the truth. Cleo doesn’t take it well. Maybe I’ll talk about the specifics later but there’s quite a bit of work that goes into that and I need to clear the asks that are already in my inbox. 

She knows who her father is too but the details are limited because of course they are. She’s like 7 rn. 

After all this drama, she learns about her Uncle Ichirou. She goes behind Wymack and Abby’s backs to send him a letter. It’s written in red crayon on a sheet of black construction paper: Evermore’s colors. Ichirou flips his shit. His beloved little niece has just found out the truth about her birth and the first thing she did was write to him. 

It’s after this that Ichirou ends up abolishing the branch family entirely. He keeps all three of his kids, one daughter and two sons, by his side. He’s still the head of the yakuza tho so I mean… he still tortures and kills people. His kids grow up the same way.  He’s literally only soft for his wife, kids, and Cleo. 

Ania has a bunch of galas and charity balls that she has to attend because she ‘donates’ to the Moriyama foundation. Ichirou makes her bring Cleo along so he can see her. Erin doesn’t like the thought of Ichirou being around Cleo so the three of them always arrive together and Erin is never far from Cleo. If she can’t be around, Jeanie, Jeremy, Kevin, or Thea are there. Ichirou is never left with Cleo unsupervised for obvious reasons. He wishes it didn’t have to be that way but he understands their concern and lets it go.

Since Ichirou isn’t really allowed to show physical affection towards her, Cleo gets spoiled rotten by her uncle. Every Christmas, there’s a shit ton of presents on Wymack’s doorsteps. All the labels read To: Cleo From: Santa in Ichirou’s unmistakable handwriting. There’s also just a bunch of presents that show up out of the blue. At least once a month, there’s some very expensive-as ‘thing’ in the mail. I mean, this shit belongs in museums. They’re almost always Japanese bc Ichirou doesn’t want her to forget her heritage. She’s got a lot of kimonos and a few samurai swords and ornate hair clips and umbrellas and shoes. She’s got a lot of scrolls written in Japanese too which is why she asks Kevin to teach her to speak and write it. Some of the scrolls are actually letters to her from Ichirou. These all go in a special box that she keeps on the top shelf of her closet.

Speaking of Kevin, Thea is an absolute miracle worker. It’s a long road to his recovery but Thea is there for him the whole way. Cleo is the biggest hurdle on this road. She looks just like Riko. She’s got the same bright laugh and brilliant smile. She has the same features as her mother, and grandmother by default, and has the same build. Looking at her, all Kevin can see is Riko. 

One day he goes to pick her up from daycare. He can only watch as one of Cleo’s friends pushes someone else off the swings and offered the seat to Cleo. Kevin’s heart stopped. Riko would most definitely take the seat, kicking up the mulch in the other child’s face. Instead, Cleo shoves her friend aside and extends a hand to the boy on the ground. She helps him to his feet and wipes away the tears on the little boy’s face. She picks the mulch out of his hair and the splinters from his hand. Kevin is close enough to hear her say to him that a kiss will make it better. She kisses his palm and turns back to her friend. She tells the girl off. Before they know it, the little girl is bawling her eyes out. Cleo hugs her but insists that she needs to apologize to the boy. Satisfied by her friend’s meek apology she offers the kid his seat back. He shakes his head and asks if the girls want a turn. It’s the first time Kevin realizes that Riko and Cleo aren’t the same person. Kevin totally isn’t crying when he calls her over and checks her out of the daycare center. 

Growing up at Palmetto, Cleo meets a lot of kids from broken homes. As a result she becomes really compassionate. She also becomes really touchy-feely. When the kids are sad she likes to give them hugs and hold their hands or pet their hair. She also makes? Them? Presents? Like little beaded necklaces and friendships bracelets. She makes an orange and white rubber band bracelet thing for Wymack and now he keeps his keys on it.

As I’ve mentioned, Cleo is ten when Erin and Ania get married and ask her to come and live with them. Wymack and Abby drive her up to the girls’ apartment in New York. Cleo is all nerves when she arrives. She’s grown up calling them Mom and Mama but now she’s going to live with them. Like…. Permanently!!!!!!!!!!

Standing in front of the door, she can’t bring herself to knock. Wymack kneels down in front of her and asks her what’s wrong. 

“What if they’ve changed their minds?” Cleo whispered. 

“Worst case scenario?” Wymack asked. “You’ll come back with us. I don’t think Abby and I are all that bad.” 

“You’re not,” Cleo replied, hastily. Wymack stood back up.

“Look, kid. It’s not going to be easy for them to adjust to having you around but they will. There isn’t a soul on the face of the Earth that loves you more than they do. How could they not? You’re pretty fucking great,” he said. Abby pursed her lips at Wymack’s language but said nothing. 

“You ready, Cleo?” she asked. Cleo nodded and Abby’s face brightened with a smile. The door opened just as Cleo mustered up the courage to knock. Arms wrapped around her and picked her up off the ground. Ania’s laughter rang in Cleo’s ears as the crushing weight of the hug knocked the air from her lungs. Kisses were speckled all across her face as Ania stepped out of the apartment and swung Cleo around until they were too dizzy to go on. The world was still spinning as Cleo collapsed beside Ania. 

“She’s been here less than a minute and you’re already trying to kill her?” The familiar rough voice caught Cleo’s attention. As her vision settled, she saw Erin leaning against the door frame. 

“Mom,” Cleo whispered, in awe as if Erin was an apparition. Erin remained in the doorway, stone-faced and covered in flour. 

“Not going to give your mom a hug?” Erin asked finally. Cleo was on her feet in less than a second. She barrelled into Erin’s open arms, nearly knocking her over. Tears gushed from Cleo’s eyes. “The hell are you crying about, Little One?” Erin muttered into Cleo’s hair. Cleo loosed a shaky laugh. She let Erin pick her up and heard the voices of the others as they entered the house. 

Cleo loves living with Erin and Ania. Like Wymack said, there’s an adjustment period but it’s not super long or uncomfortable. Erin is really good with kids and Ania really loves Cleo so they make it work. 

Sometimes Cleo gets sad, though. Her moms have games that they have to go to often so they’re always flying out to them. Fortunately, Aaron and Katelyn are living up in New York too. It’s about a two hour drive out to Uncle Aaron’s. Cleo loves being with him and her cousins, the twins, Lila and Leena. They’re really nice and Cleo gets along with them really well. They stay up late braiding each others’ hair and whispering secrets and telling stories. Katelyn makes the best mac and cheese on the face of the planet Earth and she always makes it whenever she knows Cleo’s especially down. They all sit on the couch together to watch Cleo’s moms’ games. Cleo catches her uncle hasilty scrubbing tears from his eyes at the sight of his sister’s rare, fierce grin.

Uncle Nicky and Uncle Erik are great. They don’t have kids. Instead they have two corgis named Micheal and Jude that fight all the time. The only time they ever seem to get along is when they’re with Cleo. The two of them like to sit on opposite side of Cleo, sandwiching her in the middle. 

Uncle Erik is a pastor at the church and he sings in the choir. He’s almost as good a singer as Erin… almost. He teaches Cleo how to sing. He also really likes to bake. Often, Cleo’s moms go on dates where they wander around Stuttgart together and just enjoy each other’s company. They almost always come home to find Erik and Cleo coated in flour and sugar and chocolate. Cleo uses her newfound baking skills to make things to her mom. Erin is living for it. Ania doesn’t approve of the unhealthy diet but she knows Cleo bakes with love so she limits how much Cleo is allowed to bake and instates portion control. 

Cleo is mildly claustrophobic and the worst of it happens on planes. Ania and Erin have a pre-flight ritual that they extend to include Cleo in as well. Every time Erin has to get on a plane and Ania is there to see her off, she has Erin roll back her armbands (she doesn’t wear them anymore but this was back in college) and draws a little heart on the inside of her wrist. Once it dries, Ania will press a kiss to the little heart. Growing up, Ania didn’t like plane either so her mother used to do this for her to quiet her fears. It makes Erin and Cleo feel very loved and protected. I mean, they know it doesn’t actually doing anything but it always makes them feel a lot better. 

On Saturday mornings, most kids wake up early to watch cartoons. Cleo wakes up to go snuggle with her moms. She’s around 12/13 when she starts this. Most of her moms’ games are on Fridays and they get back late at night or really early in the morning. Cleo wakes up at 9 a.m. and makes breakfast for the three of them and set the table. Everything is usually ready around 10 so she’ll creep into her moms’ room. Both of them are light sleepers so they’ll hear her come in. They sleep spooning each other but they always make space between the two of them so Cleo can wriggle in between them. Their cats, Sir and King, usually come in too. It soft and warm and all of them are happy. 

Cleo is obviously a part of an exy team. She’s the biological daughter of Riko Moriyama and is being raised by Exy stars Erin and Ania Minyard-Josten. What did you expect? 

She’s a striker. A much better one than her mother was. Better than Kevin too. The only person that outshines her is Ania but it doesn’t bother Cleo. In fact, it gives her something to aspire towards. She and Ania spend a lot of late nights out at the court with Erin in goal. Family bonding time :’)

Cleo likes getting her nails done. She usually does this with Ania. Ania only ever gets her non-dominant hand done and Cleo doesn’t understand. She only starts to understand once she gets married but I’ll get to that in a minute. 

There’s about a 3 year difference between Cleo and Amalia. Okay, look. Kevin’s grad party was wild and he and Thea might have had a little too much to drink. That’s how Amalia is conceived. Thea is mortified. Kevin asks her if she wants an abortion. Both of them are pro-choice, especially after learning everything that went down with the birth of Cleo. Thea believes in the right to choose but she could never have an abortion herself. She gives birth to Amalia and it devastated her. Her entire career is put on hold so she can have her baby. Kevin is stressed. He wants doesn’t want to sacrifice Thea’s happiness for that of their child.  The only compromise they can work out is to have their contracts transferred. They join the team based in Columbia, an hour and a half from the Foxhole Court. They wouldn’t dare ask Wymack to raise their child but they do ask for his help. Whenever they travel, Wymack and Abby babysit their granddaughter. The Monsters are at Palmetto for one more year so they help out too. Ania isn’t good with kids other than Cleo but she does her best to help. Jeanie and Jeremy get named the godparents but they don’t get to see Amalia often until Thea and Kevin move out to the West Coast. The Muldani-Days live in Seattle and the Knoxs remain in California. Visiting them is painful for Ania and Erin but they make new memories with them and so it isn’t all bad. 

Cleo and Amalia are best friends. Kevin and Thea live on the West Coast, on the other end of the nation, so the girls skype a lot. They binge watch shows together like this and help each other with homework too. They always get to see each other when their parents play each other at games and during holidays. Sometimes Kevin will let Amalia stay over with Erin and Ania or vice versa. All of this takes a serious mental toll on Cleo. She’s head over heels for Amalia. Sleeping literal inches from her is going to drive Cleo insane. Amalia is as much of a clingy sleeper as her father so she will often throw and arm over Cleo while asleep and draw her close. Cleo is certain she’s going to die then and there. 

Anyway, Kevin is shook. All his ptsd comes crashing back in a massive wave. He remembers how Riko treated him. What is Cleo does the same to Amalia? It doesn’t take him long to snap out of it. Cleo was raised in a loving home by Wymack, Abby, and the Foxes. All of them are broken but it's part of what made them such good people for her to around. Cleo has learned compassion to a degree that Kevin could only imagine. She is kind-hearted and loving and incredibly genuine. No one was ever going to be good enough for Amalia in Kevin’s eyes but Cleo was definitely as close as he’d hoped to find. 

He doesn’t say anything to Amalia. He doesn’t want to hurt Cleo’s chances but he doesn’t want to force his daughter to pick Cleo for his sake either. 

Amalia picks Cleo of her own free will. Their wedding is massive. Kevin breaks down crying as he walks her down the aisle to Cleo. Cleo rushes off the altar and helps him to his feet. She and Amalia walk him to the end before depositing him in a seat beside Thea. They’re all giggles and bright smiles as they stand together at the altar. 

They honeymoon in the French countryside. They spend most of it in bed together. Amalia is asexual so no that’s not what I meant, you heathens. They just curl up beside one another talking and giggling and kissing bc they’re happy and in love. 

Amalia and Cleo become foster parents. They do adopt but it usually older kids, late teens. Due to their age, few of them live with their moms but they all come together for the holidays. 

Holidays are hell. Cleo and Amalia have like eight kids and then they’re usually fostering someone. A lot of their kids are married and have their own kids plus their parents and uncles/aunts + grandparents show up. This is the only reason Cleo and Amalia live in a mansion. They need to be able to accommodate all these people. 

They grow old together. They have those shared tombstones with their graves side by side. Cleo dies first. Amalia doesn’t cry. She laughs and dances and tells stories about her wife. Cleo’s funeral is a celebration of her life not the mourning of her death, just the way she would have wanted it to be. 

Every day up until her own death, Amaila places pink and white carnations on Cleo’s grave. She’ll sit by her grave and read all her favorite books to her. Amalia misses Cleo dearly but she believes that she’ll return to her beloved when the time comes. 

[serenagaywaterford]

random thoughts:

jsyk, Serena swam in the place my dog poops. I hope Fred stepped in it. Die Fred.

(spoilers obvs)

NOT. ENOUGH. JANINE. the only time i cheered out the entire 3 episodes was that one glimpse of janine.

I got to see my girl Alma though which was lovely.

OMG. Can... I just... that scene with Emily walking through the hospital was the dumbest fucking, most American stupid scene ever on this show. It was so fucking cheesy and absolutely 10000% unrealistic. Who actually thought it was a good idea? They should be fired. Or sent to go work on Grey’s Anatomy or something. Not even that shitshow aka SVU would do something as painfully cliched and cheesy as that. Firstly, this show is fucking stupid. Okay. If all this shit was happening, Canada would have got like MILLIONS of refugees. Seeing the cops escort some raggedy refugee would be common af. Maybe it’s the baby thing? Still, Canadians aren’t gawkers like that. We also don’t like embarrassing displays like that. It’s so American it hurts.  NOBODY CLAPS LIKE THAT IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL. It’s a quiet place, okay. Also, why don’t any of these doctors have anything better to do? Anyway. I hated that scene so much.

Nick is so boring. So boring. He’s just a wet doughnut. I sorta liked him getting angry at June but also I wish I cared about anything he has to say. Bye Nick Bland. Good riddance.

Lawrence’s one liners? Funny. Lawrence? Disgusting awful psycho. I hate him sfm. 

Fred? Also disgusting. I hate him 10000x more. Everything about him is repulsive. He’s so much worse this season. I hate everything about his entitled, poor me, manpain. I hate hearing about any of his feelings. Fucking die already. I found him interesting enough as an antagonist in the show before but no longer. Redundant.

Beth. Too good for Nick. Too good for this world.

Too much staring. I AM SO SICK OF IT. It wastes time. Is redundant af at this point. I’m bored. Stop it.

Moss... um. Honey. I love you but... what the fuck was up with all the over-acting? 302 seemed particularly bad. Like I just can’t take it anymore. Who directed 302? They should be fired too for making her do that. Also, lady from Transparent, what the fuck was up with her acting?

Luke is useless. Like, I get it. I get why he’s a huge damp sulkbaby but I mean. I don’t want to see it? I’d rather just not see him at all cos literally I can’t recall a scene of him not being fucking useless or ignorant. Or half-assing it. I want to like Luke, honestly. But I just... don’t. I love the shit outta Moira and Erin, and I adored Moira/Emily interactions. But Luke? Miss me with his manpain.

Once again, I hate Lawrence. He is no good. He’s so fucking creepy and gross. I do not understand why people like him? And I don’t mean, “I don’t know why people like this character.” I mean, “I don’t understand why people like this person.” As a character, sure, he’s interesting and revolting and does his role well. He’s even got some funny lines and Whitford has great delivery. I mean these people who LIKE HIM. As a person. They think he’s great and a good guy. I don’t get it. Are we watching the same show? He’s a great character and a terrible person. That said, he’s still a dude and I’m not about to say he’s such a great character that I want to know all about him. Nah, bros. I wanna know all about Emily, Moira, Serena, Janine, Alma... and June I suppose but we already have quite enough of her. I don’t care about Lawrence’s backstory or emotional turmoil. I don’t need his perspective cos I’ve seen it before, I know it already. It’s in so many movies, books, and TV. So, he may be a well-written character but he’s not a fascinating one. If we wanna dig around in the psyches of bad people, Serena and Lydia are far more fascinating cos bad women’s stories are so much rarer to explore in any depth.

So, June got her feet lashed to shit again. And then she’s just walking around like no biggie next scene? Did the writers forget the first season when June couldn’t walk at all? All I’m asking is a bit of a limp?

June going straight to the house that just housed the handmaid that ran away with June’s baby seems... well, like complete bullshit. Never.

SERENA ISN’T WEARING HER WEDDING BAND. She’s done. She hates that man and I hate the fact everyone is pushing her to just get over it. Fred... is horrible in literally every single way. Every. Single. Way. (And sure Serena is horrible in some ways, but not nearly the same ways as Fred.) I just want Serena to be free of him. I want her and June to murder his ass. Graphically. That is the only violence I want to see on this show in the future. OMG, I can’t actually explain how much I hate him and I vomit in my mouth thinking about Serena having to get back with him. Even if I know she has to in order to survive. Ugh. 

UM. Okay, the “blood against the snow” bit was really interesting. I don’t recall Offred saying that in the book but Atwood brings it up often when talking about red. It was clever to include her own words, just like last season with the “men are afraid women will laugh at them...” bit.

But speaking of weird inclusions: Lawrence reciting book!Offred’s line about how easy is it to invent a humanity for anyone. It was curious they had Lawrence saying that to June, whereas it’s Offred in the book thinking that about the Commander.  “He was not a monster, to her. Probably he had some endearing trait: he whistled, offkey, in the shower, he had a yen for truffles, he called his dog Liebchen and made it sit up for little pieces of raw steak. How easy it is to invent a humanity, for anyone at all. What an available temptation.”

My wife, when Nick showed up in 303: “Oh, this prick again!” Just out of nowhere cos we don’t talk about fandom shit. She has no idea the extent of my sick obsession with this show. She doesn’t know how much I loathe Nick lol. She’s completely casual and even she can’t stand Nick. Which is so lovely. And then when he was yapping about going to the front, she just muttered, “Hopefully he’ll die there.”

OH MY GOD. I HATE MEN. That whole Commanders meeting scene made me want to throw up multiple times. It started with the words “shipment of females” and just got progressively worse with every passing second.

Except... LMAO. June: *sees Fred at a meeting* Fred: Hello. June: Hey you see Serena? How’s Serena? Is Serena okay? Serena’s tough. She’s great. She’ll be okay. I love her. *proceeds to do the world’s worst cringe-inducing seduction* I think on some level even Fred knows it’s bullshit.

I love comparing June’s seduction of Fred to her seduction of Serena. They’re very interesting contrasts. She’s so painfully fake with Fred. And only sort of insincere at times with Serena. 

Man, Sylvia is a dick lol. LOOK RICHMOND IS HARD ENOUGH TO GET ACROSS WITHOUT YOUR LIME GREEN CAR BLOCKING THE ONE MOVING LANE OF TRAFFIC!!!!!! Jokes aside... I actually really liked that scene of Emily finally calling her. That was touching and the closest I came to actually getting sniffly.  Actually no. Traffic on Richmond is no joke. I’m not kidding. That was a dick move, Sylvia. LOL.

June saying Nichole gets her politicianess thing from Serena absolutely fucking slayed me. I don’t even care if she was emotionally manipulating her af, it seemed genuine in parts of that convo. TWO MOMMIES. June used her flashback!June voice at one point. Honestly, these two actresses run this town.  You can tell how broken Serena is tho cos she’s oblivious to how manipulative June is being. She’s been aware in the past as soon as June does her whole “Say nice thing, bond over babies, ask for something” method and called her on it. It’s June’s only trick. It’s transparent af. And Serena knows it. Yet, she seems completely wooed now and not at all suspicious. So, when she gets her wits together again, I suspect Serena won’t be so malleable.

I’ve said a bunch of stuff about June/Serena stuff in my tag rants so I won’t repeat it. I just fell in love with it all.

PRAISE BE!!! We didn’t actually have to see a Nick/June sex scene. Behold His miracle! I was so relieved. And then... curiously they continued that love-theme-y music all the way over into Serena’s scene with June and that was not a coincidence.

I know people really like that Boomtown Rats song being the music to the fire... And it’s a jam. But... it’s about a real school shooting and I feel like that’s just a little... off? (Not to mention Tori Amos’ version is better, imo.) I mean, okay, I did some drama courses in university and I did a thing about that song so I researched it all and it just to me doesn’t fit at all. A 16-year-old girl shot up an elementary school. And somehow, call me crazy, but that’s completely inappropriate to use in this scene. I get female rage, etc etc. I get they didn’t want to go super obvious and use a song about burning houses. But considering how EXCELLENT a song they chose for 3x03 with that Roy Harper track you’d think they’d find something better for the bed/house burning. Not only that but the motive for Spencer was ... literally nothing. She didn’t like Mondays and thought it would be fun to kill a bunch of kids--which is the complete opposite of Serena’s motivations. It just devalues it.

I want more of Emily’s journey. This is the first time I’ve actually been interested in Emily tbh. And Clea Duvall is a treasure.

I want a Moira/Emily BROTP. Honestly Moira just seems like the best friend anybody could have?

WHY IS NICK A COMMANDER?! WTF????? Was I just not listening carefully enough? Is he? Cos I don’t really pay attention when he’s onscreen tbh and the wifey was like “Why’s this guy a commander now?” And I was like, “What do you mean he’s a commander?” Honestly, Nick is just like a piece of furniture. I barely notice him onscreen lol. Okay, this has nothing to do with my dislike of him. It honestly does not make any sense. We saw that other Commander only got promoted because his wife got pregnant. WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY PROMOTE NICK? What on god’s green earth has he EVER fucking done well? Why the shitting hell would they promote a Guardian who, under his watch, has had one handmaid kill herself, another one escape/”get kidnapped”, wife cheat on him then get executed, allow a BABY to get kidnapped, the house get burned down????? All those things seem like Very Bad things and put all together seem like something that would put him on the Wall for being such a shitty employee rather than someone who deserves MORE responsibility. There’s literally no reason to make him a Commander. Just conscript him to the Chicago front. You don’t need a reason. He’s a grunt. Eye or not. I DO NOT GET IT. Fred gets demoted and Nick gets promoted? Nahhhhh mans. Not buying it.

So little Nick. I love it. I want zero Nick, but this’ll do. I’ll even put up with him being a Commander (LMAO) if it means he goes away for a while.

Lawrence calling out June’s terrible seduction technique (it is really bad), and calling Fred stupid = :} 

OK BACK TO THE BURNING WATERFORD HOUSE... i cannot abide how SLOW June is ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. Like, she shows up in Serena’s little pyromaniacal bedroom inferno and is like “COME ON!” and pulls her out of the room in what appears to be a hurry. Then as Serena and Rita are rushing out June just fucking stops and starts staring at all the smoke as if she’s on fucking shrooms. Then there she goes on her bullshit... Hey, bish, the house is literally burning down cos your crazy ass soulmate set fire to her own life and maybe you should leave. No? Not interested? Sure, stand there. Feel up the walls like I did once on MDMA. Makes total fucking sense. TAKE YOUR TIME WHY DON’T YOU? Why not? It just reminded me of 2x13 when Rita was saying “You gotta leave NOW!” and June just took it upon herself to carve a bunch of shit onto the wall for no goddamn reason.

OKAY. I WAS RIGHT. The other night when I was like, “I think I know that beach.” I do know that beach!!! My dog likes to take dumps right where Serena was. (I clean up after him, don’t worry.) I can point out that beach on a map if you want. There are also heroin needles and ticks in the bushes. There is literally a water treatment plant 200m away. I go swimming exactly where Serena was and once a dead fish floated by and I had to wrestle my dog away from it. I have been swimming there a lot. It’s nice in the summer. HOWEVER, poor Yvonne in her drysuit doing that in fucking November or whatever. This lake is fucking cold even in summer sometimes lmao. Like, I’ve spent so many hours right in that spot... cos well, I used to live right up the road so duh. Of course now that I don’t live there now and it was winter so why would I take my dog swimming, that they decide to film there. OF COURSE.

Speaking of filming, not that anyone cares, they were at the St Lawrence Market at one point. It was so obvious. Wasn’t really paying attention to any of the other locales tbh. If I watch again and pay attention I prolly could pick out a few more but honestly the only person that entertains is myself.

I still can’t believe Serena was being reborn on dogshit/dead fish beach. 

[dellgirl]

Strong, Independent Female characters which I admire

Today I was asked to choose fictional people in pop culture I admire, why I admire them and how they would represent society (not verbatim) I gave about 6 females which I admire. I was then asked to narrow it down to just three. My list, which comprised of:

Wonder Woman

Captain Marvel

Lara Croft

Black Widow

Holtzmann

Hermione Granger

Luna Lovegood

I chose these because I like smart, independent types. The ones that are intelligent, independent, might be strong, not just mentally, but physically as well, who is seen as equal, sometimes better (like Lara Croft) than their male counterparts, who don't take any shit, who fight for what they believe in, (like Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, Black Widow) who don't back down, who are loyal, trustworthy, reliable, friendly, professional (like Morgan and Aubrey; The Spy Who Dumped Me) and don't have to have a relationship to be successful... Who are successful on their own merits - their own achievements, their own standings, who fight hard and prove people wrong (like The Ghostbusters) time and time again.

Those superheroes (with superpowers or not) are what appeals to me; not just their looks (bonus) but their intelligence and their outstanding behaviour and the way they throw stereotypes to the ground and fight for rights and adversity.

So I narrowed it down and was presented with 4 questions, which I've tried my best to answer. It has been a while since I saw the films the first two are from, so this is from memory... Also, these opinions are my own and may or may not include canons; if they don't, please don't come at me because "you're wrong, that's not true" this is my interpretation of the characters.

The questions, as previously mentioned, which I needed to answer:

1. Define who they are. What makes them the person they are? What are their motivations?

2. If they were real, what need would they fulfill in society? How would they really benefit mankind?

3. What groups do they represent in real society (autism, LGBT, women...etc)?

4. What real life lessons can people learn from them? How can real people emulate those fictional characters to benefit society?

I have chosen three women to focus on for being strong role models and I am drawn to these three women.

Wonder Woman, also known as Dianna, is a lovely goddess from the planet Themyscira. There are no men on the planet, which means that they have to learn to be strong because women need to be strong.

WW is determined to be a good example by helping others who need it the most. She is determined to save people and do it without the help of anyone - including men (Steve Trevor in particular)

She is motivated because she is a princess and wants to prove she is fit for the role, and not just by birth default. I would say that WW is bisexual, as she lives on a planet with only women, but when she meets Steve, she experiences that side of herself. She is also a Hufflepuff, because she is caring to all and wants the best for everyone.

In real life, she would fulfil the role of peacekeeper and provide others with the ability to fight against wars and inequality and bad behaviour. She'd stop the war and get Trump out of office, and fix Brexit.

WW can teach people the need to stand up for themselves - women need to trust in their own abilities and fight for equal right, equal pay and everyone should fight for peace.

Hermione Granger is a Muggle-born witch who attends Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. She is a Gryffindor because she is loyal and courageous. She is loyal to her best friends Harry and Ron, but she is courageous because she helps them in their adventures, but she remains headstrong. Hermione is also bookish and wonderfully smart.

I would say that Hermione is asexual - she did kiss Harry, but it was a good luck thing, and although she danced with Viktor Krum, she has always been more interested in books than men; she does kiss Ron, but they've known each other for so long, they're more like siblings, so that kissed was forced and only given as a celebration of life over death.

Hermione, is very much High Functioning Autistic; she doesn't have sensory difficulties, as far as I can tell, but she does have other traits, such as the need to be right and social difficulties, she seems not to fit in with others, except for Harry and Ron; even being called a 'Mudblood' for being a Muggle-born and I think she has been called annoying in the books, just cos she's different. She is buried in her books and can rattle off information like nobody's business. The fact that she considers expulsion worse than death, means that she is obsessed with trying to do right and has to know everything - she has a Time Turner to attend multiple classes, meaning that she is a polymath. She struggles in social situations (but always tries) She only breaks the rules in her 5th year and explains that it feels good... Same as punching Draco because she had had enough of his belittlment, but she doesn't like hurting others.

In real life, Hermione would be a Humanitarian and she would learn everything there is to know about it to ensure that she does the best she can to help others understand what a Humanitarian is and how she can help others with things like equality and human rights.

People can use their knowledge for good and Hermione shows that being intelligent pays off, but there must be some give and take because otherwise you might become so wrapped up in your own head, that you don't have time for others. Loyalty is a huge factor in life and it pays to be trustworthy too.

And finally, I come to a character which I relate the most with - but that's not the only reason I chose her. I chose Jillian Holtzmann for a number of reasons.

I chose Holtzmann because she is intelligent and is fascinated in science things. She doesn't care that she's the odd one out, she revels in the fact. She only has three close friends, but better to have 3 close friends than 33 acquaintances. She doesn't get all social situations, but she tries to be in the conversation... Accidentally, she is sometimes the centre of attention, and yet, despite this, she knows when she needs to be quiet. She praised the girls when trapping the ghost, insofar as to tell Patty she needs to try harder, but she wants them all to do well, and she is so happy with the fact that they caught their first ghost, that she loudly announced "We put a ghost in a boooooox!" which indicates that she is entertained by the smallest of things.

Patty saved her life 3 times and she was grateful, but I know, if Erin was in the portal, she'd be in their saving her, a heartbeat; after all, that's her crush.

She's the mad scientist type - eccentric, wild, uncontrollable like a wildfire, but once she's found something of interest she hyperfocuses and gets the job done. She needs her friends for support but she doesn't need a relationship and almost mocks Erin for flirting with Kevin, comparing him to "a big ol' robot"

We know a lot more about Holtzy's sexuality and ability - she is a lesbian High Functioning Autistic with ADHD; those traits tend to go hand-in-hand. However, it appears that, despite Holtzy's high level of independence, and functioning in the real world, with little to no help, there are some sensory issues which she faces, which could adversely affect her abilities and processing skills.

We'll start with the most obvious one: the glasses. She has 4 pairs of yellow-coloured eye wear. She has her bottle-cap glasses, which are 1920s welding goggles, then she has more protective rounded welding goggles, circa 80s, and she has the big, almost pilot, almost Steampunk goggles, with loupes (double magnifying glasses) and these are the most practical of the lot. And finally, she has a pair, which are almost sunglasses, which she legit only wears for the Battle of Times Square. She needs them, especially her bottle-caps, for every day wear, due to her light sensitivity. (There is a highly interesting article, here, which explains the Autistic-ness of Holtzmann)

Whenever Patty yells, or Kevin hits the gong, she winds her neck in and pulls a face; she doesn't cover her ears like a neurotypical would, but it is evident that it is too loud. And in the Aldridge Manor, you can see the pain on her face from the APx-H shift.

Her impassioned speech, whilst heartfelt, contained physics metaphors - something which makes more sense to her, and it was very much without eye contact; something which can be uncomfortable for us Autistics, it doesn't mean we're not listening! She also seems to wear only comfy, almost loose-fitting clothing to allow for movement and comfort, with no scratchy labels. She chews her straw, sits with her feet up, or on the edge of her seat, spins on her stool and licks her guns; self-stimulatory behaviour.

Holtzmann, in real life, would obviously be a Nuclear Engineer, but we'd have to keep an eye on her so that she doesn't do any dodgy dealings and inadvertently get lead astray and into making weapons for the wrong side... Either that, or she'd go back to teaching Physics at a University.

Holtzmann is a mix of all 4 Hogwarts Houses, but the main 2 traits she has stem from Hufflepuff (her creativity and hyperfocus) and Ravenclaw (her intelligence - IQ of 163 - her multiple degrees and PhD and the fact that she is also a polymath, like Hermione - I think they'd be very good friends!)

Holtzmann would teach us about humility, courage, perseverance and finding the best of a situation and of course, the joy in the little things.

All 3 of these share similar thoughts and attributes - they're all loyal, friendly and work hard to achieve what they want. They don't need romantic relationships to survive and in fact, due to their independent nature, they would probably do better without them. They would teach others to be independent and to follow their heart, not comprising their own sense of justice or understanding of the world to conform to others. They would teach about human rights, actively focusing on diversity and equality; making sure that, as women, we don't strive for second best and that we work towards a better future, by providing opportunities and tools for the younger generation; in particular, females. All three, therefore, are excellent role models and are all unique, but also highly similar in the way they think and present themselves.

I hope this makes sense, answers the questions enough (I know they won't be answered fully as my brain capacity is limited today; infoxication and all that - and yes 'infoxication' is a real word... Click it to discover what it means!)

And I hope there are others, who may have similar thoughts to myself; I know I can't please everyone, but even if you disagree, I hope you like my writing style... Apparently, it's rather eloquent!

Also, I am sorry for the length of this post, and that, in actual fact, it is my only text post, which isn't just and agreement on someone else's post which I have reblogged.

I suppose tags would be helpful too.

#wonderwoman #strongwomen #independentwomen #fiction #jillianholtzmann #hermionegranger #charactersiadmire #marvel #dc #harrypotter #ghostbusters #thespywhodumpedme #laracroft

[zoeykaytesmom]

What is Life? (Chapter 4)

There’s been a lot of updates today but I've been working on this for a little bit. I’m still trying to figure out the masterlist thing so bare with me, please.

@lyssa1385​ @sweetsummertime99​ @tropes-and-tales​ @esparza-army​ @gibbs274​ @jramirezblogs​ @xemopeachx​ @thatesparzacrush​ @celebsexual-stardust​

They all began their junior year at the end of August 1991. Antonio and Izzy had sort of moved their budding romance a little bit ahead, Rafael seemed happy with Lauren. Erin had met a guy during the summer that went to Forest Hills High in Queens named Nick. He was cute and seemed nice enough when they would hang out.

Like Rafael, he had a “difficult” relationship with his father. Although, his had left just a few years prior.

Tony had been seeing Antonio’s little sister Gabby since the end of summer. She was only 18 months younger than Antonio and a sophomore.

“You ever gonna slide into home with Lauren, Rafi?”

“Excuse me, Alejandro?”

“You’ve been together for a while. You don’t think about tickling her tummy from the inside?” Alex asked in the locker room after their gym class one day in September.

“That’s disgusting, Alex,” Rafael rolled his eyes.

“You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it…”

“I’m a guy, aren’t I? Yeah, I’ve thought about it. Just not sure I’m ready or if she is for that matter.”

“I’m sure she is. Sometimes you just gotta show her who’s in control.”

“I’m sorry? Are you actually suggesting that I make her have sex with me?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Rafi. Once you get her started though, she won’t want you to stop.”

“We do plenty and we’re happy with the way things are right now.”

“Okay. I’m just saying, you could end up missing your window.”

“Leave him alone,” Eddie said as he came around the corner. “Not everything is a race, Alex. He’s not on a time limit.”

“Next year is our Senior year then we’re off to college. You want to go to college a virgin?”

“So, what if I do? Maybe that’s not that high up on my priority list. Harvard takes the top spot. I’m getting there one way or another.”

“I know, I know,” Alex replied as he sort of waved his hand at Rafael.

“I’m gonna be late for Pre-Cal. I’ll see you guys later,” Rafael told them as he shut his locker and left.

“Why do you always gotta do that to him, Alex?”

“What did I do?”

“You know what you did. You know how shy he can be with girls.”

“I was just…”

“Everything’s a joke to you, isn’t it?”

“Whatever, Eddie.”

***************

“Hey, Izz, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Rafa,” she said with a smile as they stood at their lockers.

“You and Antonio…ever…you know.”

“What?”

“Have you guys ever had sex?” He finally asked.

“No. I mean, he has, just not with me.”

“Does he ever try to get you to?”

“He has once or twice but he knows I’m not ready. Why do you ask?”

“Alex was talking in the locker room the other day, asking if Lauren and I have or are thinking about it.”

“And?”

“I don’t know how to…approach the subject really.”

“Uh, I don’t know, Rafa. I mean, Antonio has tried when we were already doing stuff but he’s stopped when I’ve told him no.”

“The thing is…I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with that in my book,” she told as she shut her locker and they began walking down the hall.

“You think so?”

“Of course. I don’t know what the obsession with sex is these days. I mean, some people have barely made it out of the 80s alive and for what? I mean, yeah, when I’m ready and really in love with someone, that’ll be different.”

“So, you don’t love Antonio?”

“I do in a way. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just, I feel like I’m too young to feel what I should feel to be that intimate with someone.”

“What do you think you should feel?”

“It’s hard to explain, really. I guess when someone can make me think of something other than basketball and school?” She laughed. “Come on. We don’t want to be late for Spanish.”

“You can’t afford to be,” he teased as he lightly pushed her.

“Cállate, pendejo.”

“Rude!”

“Talk some more shit about my Spanish. Why do you even take Spanish when you’re fluent?”

“Because it’s easy. Duh.”

July 1992

“You doing okay?” Izzy asked Rafael as they sat in her room during their summer break.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. He and Lauren and decided to end their relationship the weekend before. She had been a mess and Izzy knew her best friend, while not showing it, was a mess himself.

“You haven’t told me what actually happened.”

“Well, she got tired of Yelina calling all the time or just showing up at my apartment.”

“I knew that part. I mean come on, Lauren could’ve massacred your entire family and you would’ve looked the other way.”

“Guess she didn’t feel the same way,” he shrugged.

“Are you kidding? She was crazy about you.”

“Yeah but seriously, how long do high school relationships last? Most have a shelf life of a year.”

“You didn’t break up with her cause she wants to wait until marriage to have sex, did you?”

“You know me better than that. What about you and Antonio? You guys broke up two weeks ago.”

“Yeah. Antonio and I have way too much history. We had our fun but it’s not like we were planning on getting married or anything. We’re just better off being friends,” she chuckled. “Oh, did I tell you?”

“What?”

“I’m finally getting these braces off before school starts?”

“I know you’ll be glad.”

“Maybe my Senior pictures will be a lot better than the last three. I’ve hated having to smile.”

“I like your smile. I’ve always thought it was cute.”

“You’re an idiot,” she giggled as she blushed.

“I’ve always found your braces endearing.”

She grabbed the pillow she had propped herself up on and hit him with it.

“What was that for?”

“Because I felt like it. Why else?”

“Okay. Fine,” he said as he got up off the floor. He knew she hated being tickled so he climbed onto her bed and immediately went at her sides causing her to laugh uncontrollably.

“Will you stop?!”

“You started it.”

“No…I…didn’t,” she said as she caught her breath.

He was hovering above her as their laughter subsided. He slowly bent down as her hands made their way around his neck, pulling him closer.

Soon, his lips were on hers. They had been wanting this since they were 15. Unlike her first kiss with Antonio, his first kiss with Lauren, there was nothing awkward or uncomfortable as his tongue gently slid between her lips.

Her hands wandered through his hair as the kissing got deeper, his hand gripped her hip. She could feel his erection growing against her leg and was very impressed to say the least. He left her lips and began kissing her neck, causing her to moan softly.

“Izzy! Dinner’s ready!” Her mother said as she knocked on the door.

That made them break apart quickly.

“We’ll be right down, Ma!”

“Uh…um…”

“Yeah…I guess we should…”

“Give me a minute?” He asked shyly.

“Sure,” she told him she straightened her ponytail and shirt before leaving her room.

“Where’s Rafael?”

“He was gonna wash his hands real quick, Dad.”

“Baby you look a little flushed. You’re not getting sick are you?” Stella asked as she felt her daughters head. “You feel a little warm.”

“I feel fine, Ma.”

Tony looked at his sister as if to say, “yeah, right, sis” to which he just glared at him.

Rafael finally joined them for dinner a few minutes later.

“What were you two doing up there?” Anthony laughed when Rafael sat down.

“She tried to kill me with one of those massive pillows on her bed.”

“You started it.”

“Wrong.”

“Just eat you two,” Stella told them.

Under the table, their knees kept knocking together lightly, both of them trying not to smile and give themselves away.

“Hey, Barba, what do you want to do after this?”

“Uh, Izz and I were just gonna watch some TV.”

“It’s Spring Break and you want to watch TV with my sister?”

“Go hang out with Tony, Rafa. I’ll see what Erin’s up to.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

*********

After dinner, Izzy helped her mom clean the kitchen as the guys left while she waited on Erin to come over. Erin was so embarrassed when her brother dropped her off in his squad car.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes! He came up here after I knocked the shit out of him with my pillow and started tickling me and it just happened.”

“How was it?”

“So good. I kind of always thought he’d be a good kisser but oh…my…god. Then of course, my brother had to guilt him into going and doing something tonight.”

“I’m guessing if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here, and you two would be playing tonsil hockey again.”

“Do you have to be so crass, Erin?” Izzy laughed.

“I don’t have to be but your responses make it worth it.”

She got wacked with the same pillow Izzy had hit Rafael with earlier.

“Hey, I’m not gonna make out with you just because you whack me with a pillow.”

“Shut up.”

“You guys are so meant to be together.”

“Nah. It was just…fun. He just broke up with Lauren…it was a rebound thing, I think.”

“Please. For the last almost three years you two have been dancing back and forth with this. The two of you just need to give it up, in more ways than one.”

“Shut up.”

[useyourrwords]

January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

January was…A lot.

This past month has been crazy, to say the least. A lot of highs and a lot of lows but I’m getting through it so that’s something!

January contained so much in such a short time that I still can’t believe it’s over!

        January’s TBR

Guys, I completed not one, but two read-a-thon/challenges this month! For someone who hasn’t participated in any before I count that as a double win!

I participated in the Late-A-Thon hosted by Destiny @ Howling Libraries and JanJamJar from the Devour Your TBR Goodreads group!

  I was able to combine them both by using a TBR jar with the ARCs I wanted to catch up on in it.

So the books I put in my January TBR are all the books I put in the Jar.

I didn’t get all of them but I didn’t expect to.

│The Good Son│

│

│My Name is Victoria│

│

│Skylarks│

│

│Anger is a Gift│

│

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

│

│Rad Girls Can│

│

│The Boneless Mercies│

│

│What If It’s Us│

│

│Girls of Paper and Fire│

│

     Read

Emoji order – format-representation-challenges/readathons-reading status.

The TBR Jar really worked in my favour! And it was great catching up on so many ARCS!

Each book I pulled out came at the right time and I think I might continue with the Jar until I’ve caught up on the ARC’s I have left from 2018.

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

│

│

│

│★★│Read Jan 8│

This one was fairly disappointing. I wanted a whole lot more than it had to give.

│My Name is Victoria│Lucy Worsley│

│

│

│

│★★★│Read Jan 11│

I actually really liked the twist in this but god damn was most of it boring.

│The Good Son│You-Jeong Jeong│

│

│

│

│★★★│Read Jan 25│

I—this just wasn’t great and it mostly just made me angry. 

│Unbroken│Marieke Nijkamp│

│

│

│

I nearly finished this before the month was up but not quite.

│The Boneless Mercies│April Genevieve Tucholke│

│

│

│

│

This has been decent enough so far but I’m waiting for more.

Book of the Month

│Girls of Paper and Fire│Girls of Paper and Fire #1│Natasha Ngan│

│

│

│

│★★★★│Read Jan 21│

I loved it! It was so engaging for the most part!

│January Completed│ARC: 4│Owned: 0│Library Loans: 0│Reread: 0│Diversity: 4│Average Rating: 3★’s│

     Haul

│Vengeful│Villains│VE Schwab│

│

│

Nearly didn’t get this one because I accidentally sent it to the wrong address but I visited my neighbour and I got it!

This was a late Christmas present to myself!

│P.S. I Still Love You│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│

│Always and Forever, Lara Jean│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│

These were birthday presents to myself!

Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Book Review // Everything Leads To You – A Quite Love Story

 Book Review // The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo – What Do You Mean She’s Not a Real Person???

        Film & TV

I’ve really not watched much at all because I just don’t have time! Or money!

I decided that the season 1 watch I did of Charmed was enough to give me the hit of nostalgia that I needed so I won’t be continuing it again anytime soon! I do want to get around to watching the remake soon though!

January’s TBW

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│

│How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World│

│

│Ralph Breaks the Internet│

│

│Charmed│

│

     Watched

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│2018│

 Josie Rourke│

 Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie, Jack Lowden│★★★★★│ Fave Part: Literally all of it, it was so well done. And I loved that they portrayed Mary and Elizabeth as two women pitted against each other by the men around them. 

I won tickets to see this at my local cinema so me and mum went and it was fucking brilliant!

│Hannibal│Season 2│

│2013│

 Bryan Fuller│

 Hugh Dancy, Mads Mikkelsen, Caroline Dhavernas│★★★★│ Fave Part: The fact it’s gotten more and more homoerotic.  

I watched the same four episodes about four times each because I needed a fucking break but was being stubborn.

Also, my coworker had time to rewatch every episode in the time it took me to watch those four properly. She has work AND Uni. I have no idea how she has time to do it???

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4│

│2012│

 RuPaul│

RuPaul, Michelle Visage│★★★★│ Fave One-liner This Season: “Yeah, well some of us don’t have to force story-lines to get air time” -Farrah Moan.

Valentina has continued to live her full telenovela fantasy and it’s entertaining as fuck.

The judges need to stop sleeping on Naomi because the bitch is turning it out and they’re refusing to take notice… Except for maybe last week….But we don’t talk about that.

Manila is killing it as always and the period gown that she couldn’t wear on the show??? Iconic.

Also, I’m very excited to see Season 11!!!! So many queens that I’m looking forward to seeing!

│Jessica Jones│Season 1│

│2015│

Melissa Rosenberg│

Krysten Ritter, Rachael Taylor, Eka Darville│★★★★│ Fave character: Jessica obvs

I am struggling but only because the only time I have time to watch is when I’m fucking tired and ready for sleep. I’ll get there. 

│Dumplin’│

│2018│

Anne Fletcher│

Danielle Macdonald, Jennifer Aniston, Odeya Rush│★★★★★│ Fave part: The fact Bo didn’t like Will despite her being fat, he thought she was beautiful as is.

This so easily could have been terrible and you literally just have to look to last year to see just how easy it would have been but this was so good and special and respectful and I cried so much while watching it and fucking Ginger Minj was everything and this is everything I wanted Sierra Burgess is a Loser to be and I’m so glad I finally got it.

Also, I have a huge crush on Bex Taylor-Klaus. So there’s that.

│Derry Girls│Season 1│

│2017│

Lisa McGee│

Saoirse-Monica Jackson, Louisa Harland, Nicola Coughlan│★★★★│ Fave character: Orla

This show is so fucking funny. I was struggling not to laugh out loud while my mum was giving someone a massage.

│The Haunting of Hill House│Season 1│

│2018│

Mike Flanagan│

 Michiel Huisman, Carla Gugino, Henry Thomas│★★★★★│ Fave sibling: Theo

This show is brilliant like everyone talked about how good it was but I just didn’t have time and then I put it on one night and didn’t pay any attention to it at all. And then I put it on when I had a self-imposed mental health day and mum watched it with me and it was the best decision I’ve made in 2019 so far, to be honest.

I binged watched it in just three days which is huge for me because I haven’t been able to binge watch anything that isn’t just short 20 minute episodes in short season in months.

Oh, and I want Theo to top me.

     Youtube

I would say I need to stop watching YouTube because I watch so fucking much of it but I watch it while I’m doing other things like eating, doing housework, cooking and blogging. It’s the only way I can watch it without feeling guilty.

│VH1│Meet the Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 11│The Pit Stop: LaLaPaRUza w/ Katya│The Pit Stop: Jersey Justice ft. Kim Chi│

I am so ready for the new season!!!

Also, I love anything Katya and Trixie do.

And look at Kim Chi’s look, I die.

│Miz Cracker│Review With A Jew│

Review With A Jew has gotten PROFESSIONAL now and I just love Miz Cracker.

│Ladylike│Hot Takes—Jen Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion & Devin Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion│Kristen Goes to Montreal With No Clothes│

I am loving these hot takes because they’re just fun to watch and see the other ladies react as well!

I think the whole trip with no clothes challenge is a brilliant idea!!!

│Lily Marston│My Friends & I Read Your Assumptions About Me│15 Tools That Help My Neck & Back Pain│

I think the assumptions video trend is actually really a good idea because it allows creators to share a little bit more of themselves!

if you have chronic pain you’re gonna want to check out Lily’s video on the tools she uses to get relief!

│Buzzfeed Video│Mom In Progress—We Tried the 7-Day Vegan Challenge│

So in this video, they eat vegan cream cheese on toast with raspberries and it looked so delicious that I wanted to try it with other toppings. So now mum and I are obsessed with cream cheese and pepper smoked salmon on toast and I can’t stop.

Other toppings I’ve tried are;

 Mango and raspberry jam (because raspberries are pricey)

 Salami

 Tomatoes (with salt and loads of pepper)

 Shaved chicken (with salt and loads of pepper)

And next to try is peaches!

│Liza Koshy Too│The videos I never uploaded… until now│Why I took a break│

I love Liza and I love that she’s easing herself back into making videos again and so far I’ve loved them both!

│Chris Klemens│Telling Each Other What to Say to Strangers: Carly and Erin│

You need to watch this just to see Carly speak gibberish which honestly sounds like Simish and really did sound almost like another legit language.

│Sorted Food│Pass It On│

I will never not love this series. It’s YouTube whispers but cooking a meal.

│ElleOfTheMills│My Weight Loss│

I love anytime some talks openly about mental health and Elle is really delivering lately!

     Music

I’ve honestly barely listened to any music this month let alone any new music.

│Camila Cabello│Something’s Gotta Give│Inside Out│In the Dark│

│Madison Beer│Dead│

│The Greatest Showman Reimagined│Never Enough (Kelly Clarkson)│This Is Me (Kesha)│Rewrite the Stars (James Arthur & Anne-Marie)│

     Podcasts

│Race Chaser│

 Alaska Thunderfuck & Willam Belli│★★★★★│

│Sibling Rivalry│

 Bob The Drag Queen & Monet X Change│★★★★★│

│What The Tuck│

 Nicole Byers & Joel Kim Booster│★★★★★│

I don’t know how to not become obsessed with things and apparently, that means listening to all the podcasts to get the backstage Tea on All-Stars 4.

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Blogosphere Highlights

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│ Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q1 2019!│

│Destiny @ Howling Libraries│BEST OF 2018: CONTEMPORARY!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│ANOTHER 2018 FAVE, FINALLY REVIEWED! SAWKILL GIRLS BY CLAIRE LEGRAND│

│May @ Forever And Everly│My Most Anticipated YA Books Releasing January through July ft. a Lot of Asian Fantasies and Diverse Books in General!│

│Ellyn @Allonsythornraxxbooks│ HOW TO GET ON TOP OF YOUR NETGALLEY FEEDBACK RATIO│

│Silvia @Silvia Reads Books│All I Learned About Audiobooks: A Guide│

│Avery @Red Rocket Panda│HOW TO HYPE YOUR FAVOURITE READS│

│Abbiee @Abbiee│WRITING TIPS Transform a Messy Story Idea Into a Strong Outline (in 3 simple steps!)│

│Ilsa @A Whisper of Ink│How the HECK does one receive a physical ARC because I want one?! (I hear your cries and answer all your questions) Welcome to How To Request + Recieve ARCs│

│Simone @Simone and Her Books│My Review Process and Why I Write Reviews│

│Swetlana @The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│16 Blog Post Ideas To Help You Get Through (AT LEAST) A Month Of Blogging│

│Melanie @Mel To The Any│The Top 12 Books I Must Read in 2019│

Past Month In Review

 Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

 Month in Review // November – I Already Hate Christmas

 Month in Review // July, August, September & October – New Post Series!

January’s Goals

 Increase my walk time and maybe go for walks 6 days a week?

 Start doing some floor exercises like crunches.

I need an exercise ball which I have but I don’t know where the pump is and I keep forgetting to ask mum where it is.

 Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Work out my new blogging schedule

 Start working on my WIP

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

 Fucking relax a bit

 Maybe finish editing all my past posts???

A Month of Mayhem

I spent my birthday out!!! My mum took me to get my hair cut, we did some shopping, she gave me a massage and some Reiki which I needed!!! And then we went to Fasta Pasta for dinner and it was delicious!!! Oh and I even took photos with mum and didn’t feel gross and have a new selfie I took with snapchat with the fox filter and I think it’s v cute!!!

The last few years I’ve always gotten books as presents for my birthday but mum told me I had too many unread books so I had to choose something else…So I chose things for my reading! Because of course.

I got a pair of noise-cancelling headphones so that I can continue to read or blog or write uninterrupted instead of getting distracted every time mum’s massage clients come and go. Except mum keeps forgetting to check if I have them on before she goes to have a full conversation with me. So when I realise she’s doing it I just turn and look at her and she notices the headphones. I’ve taken to moving one of the earphones off my ear when I notice she’s in the living room but I don’t always notice.

My mum also got me my first book sleeve from Etsy! I spent hours finding one I wanted that wasn’t super expensive but good quality! It’s spacey and I love it. It’s great timing since I’m going to be reading more of my owned physical books this year and I don’t want them to get damaged by the three drink bottles in my bag for work YES THREE!!! and two are 1-litre ones and my bag is heavy. I HAVE MY REASONS!!!

I also bought myself far too many animated movies, some books, a curler, some hair products so I can use the curler I have still not used any of it yet shhhh, and a fitbit!!!!

I mean the fitbit was definitely the most needed one for sure because now I can actually track how many steps I’m doing a day and I’ve been doing pretty good! I’m hitting 8000 steps most days and even hit my first 10000 steps on the 16th which was exciting!

I went and did my tax finally and now my tax debt thanks work for not taking the correct amount of tax out for several years! is down to a very manageable amount! So that’s a relief!

My sister brought my nephews around for a visit and nephew 3 nearly got bit by a spider but nephew 2 saved the day! Other than that the visit was good! I love them so much and Nephew 3 is starting to walk!!!

My mum treated me to get my nails done professionally for the first time ever and I love them. My nails look like bullets.

I discovered where I could buy cheap hazelnut syrup for my coffee and then when I went to buy it saw they also have dark chocolate syrup as well so basically I’m just drinking liquid Nutella.

And I have officially been on this blog for a year!!! I’m so thankful for this community and even just this blog being a lifeline and a thing to focus my attention on when things have been shit in my personal life. I’m so glad I can call myself a part of this community and I look forward to many more years being a part of it!

I lost my bank card while doing my food shopping which was not great and very inconvenient since a lot of the parking I pay for work is cheaper booking online! But whatever.

I had a few emotional moments throughout the month but it was mostly just me having a little cry and then moving on.

I visited my other sister which kind of didn’t go great, to begin with. There was a whole thing, I had an anxiety attack and suffered a bout of paranoia and cried a lot but it all worked out in the end.

Once I calmed down we went to get my phone upgraded (this was already the plan) because I am anxious, my mum is busy, and my sister knows a guy that works there so I got well looked after! But then I had to go back another day because they didn’t have the phone that I wanted in stock.

We came back to her house and played Overcooked on the PlayStation which is always fun for us and I was in much better spirits when I left!

Until the next day when I was a mess again.

Look, I’m really great at handling big life-changing things as they’re happening. It’s a trait I inherited from my mum. The whole world as we know it could end and it wouldn’t look like I even knew something had changed.

It’s like my brain will just put the BIG THING in a box and shove it under a few things until I’ve gotten through it and then it’ll bring it out and say “Remember this BIG THING??? Yeah, now you gotta process it. Have fun.” Which is great until there are several BIG THINGS waiting to be processed and then I get hit with them all at once, which happens most of the time.

So then I break down over seemingly small shit. Its very clearly SO MUCH FUN!!!

So basically I spent that whole day crying and anxious and paranoid and had to call my mum to help calm me down and then my new phone was ready to be picked up and I didn’t want to bother my sister to go with me and I knew I needed to do something on my own to prove to myself I’m not totally useless so I went and picked up my phone by myself! Thankfully the hard part was over I am an absolute pushover and will be talked into buying anything even if I don’t want it so I just had to go in, they transferred my stuff over to the new phone and I was done!

It went well, despite the fact that the guy was having difficulty transferring my stuff over but I think he was a little unnerved by how quiet I am in person and especially with people I don’t really know, and I hate being THAT customer so I tend to just sit patiently and try and get my brain to shut up.

He kept commenting on how quiet and patient I was and trying to get me to talk but I hate small talk because I never know what to say. When we were finished he said he hopes I’ll become a regular customer and if I have any problems to come in and he’ll help me out!

I also made an appointment that day to get my mental health plan done so I can go back to seeing my therapist which, clearly, I super need!!!

Oh, and I also even mentioned to someone I know from my last workplace that I’ve been wanting to learn how to play d&d but didn’t have anyone to teach me and she said that if a spot opened up on a campaign she’d let me know!!!!

At the end of the month, I took a mental health day with my mum. We stayed home all day and did the bare minimum and it was so good! I sat and watched the Derry Girls and then mum and I watched half of The Haunting of Hill House and we talked about what anxiety and depression and paranoia sound like in our head and talked a lot about mental health and it was just really lovely even though it was emotional and I cried.

I know it kind of sounds like this month was a bit of a downer but overall it really wasn’t and it also didn’t feel like that. For the most part, I was happy and motivated and got a good amount of reading done and was productive! I even cleaned out my car!

Sometimes it’s easy for me to focus on just the negatives but I have to remind myself that even though I had some downer moments I am nowhere near as consistently down as I was just a few months ago and that’s progress! I just have to keep focusing on my health, both physical and mental and talking to my mum when I’m sad and talking through my feelings. I say that like it’s the easiest thing in the world when I am in fact Queen Of Not Reaching Out.

Past Month Ahead

 Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

 Month Ahead // December – I Already Hate It

 Month Ahead // November – New Post Series

January is done and dusted, bring on February!

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│

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[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #152

“if mary was only 14 when she had jesus, what does that make god?”

What’s something you initially disliked, but ended up liking? Uhhh... I'm drawing a blank right now. If you’re interested in having a long term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter?  I think it's a smart idea.  To me personally, sex should be an intimate experience with someone you love, not with someone you don't know deeply. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No, never snooped on someone. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made?  No, I've never really had to make big money decisions. Do you think it’s a good idea for kids’ sports teams to not keep score, or do you think that’s going overboard in trying to show sensitivity? I think you shouldn't keep score.  Teach children how to have fun for the sake of fun, not winning. Name a movie that you dislike but everyone else seems to love. Why do you dislike it? Drawing a blank again. *shrugs* Are you good at compromising or are you more of a “my way or the highway” kind of person?  I'm pretty nice at compromising, but of course it's going to depend on the case sometimes. Do you know any couples who sleep in separate beds? Do you think that if a couple makes that decision, they will eventually break up/divorce?  Yes, because one of them snores loudly.  But that doesn't mean they're gonna break up... Have you ever had a horrible boss or teacher? Did you ever confront them about it?  No, thankfully. Does it usually take awhile for you to completely come to terms with your emotions after something big happens or do you let it all out right away?  It's kinda both.  But mostly the former; I deeper understand what I'm feeling then. Is Thanksgiving an important holiday to you? Who did you spend last Thanksgiving with?  Honestly no, not really.  I should appreciate it more than I do for the sake of its concept. How far into your current (or last) relationship did you start thinking about your future with that person? Probably too early to be considered normal lmao. Are you a believer in “signs” from the universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in.  Mom is suuuper into surgeries/seeing how the body works, and Dad's good at building shit I guess lmao. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them?  Tbh yeah lol.  I do NOT take people underestimating my abilities kindly.  That's one reason the breakup was so bad. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Ehhhmmm.  I don't think I've done something in hopes of making someone jealous. Ever been kissed under fireworks?  No, but #goals. Which of your friends lives closest to you?  Colleen.  AKA, the only friend whose location I know. Do you like calling or texting better?  Don't call me, like ever lol. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?  When I learned Mom and I couldn't go to the P!atD concert.  It's been a week or two and I'm still bummed. Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?  ....... Does any human being on Earth believe it's wrong?????? Do you talk dirty to people?  HUNNY I couldn't even talk dirty in the middle of my ex and I doing shit lmao. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?  Dad; we talked on the phone a bit. The last thing you heard?  I'm listening to "Demons Are A Girl's Best Friend" by Powerwolf on repeat asjfdakjwi I'm addicted. Have you ever been to an animal shelter?  Yeah. Does it rain a lot where you live?  I wouldn't necessarily say a lot?  Afternoon thunderstorms are just about daily in the peak of summer, though. Do you live in the suburbs?  No. If you have a dog, does it bark a lot?  Ugh, both of them.  Slightest noise outside our house or in our driveway, it's over. What are your 3 top favorite movies?  The Lion King, Finding Nemo, and then probably The Lion King II. Can you juggle?  No. Who was your favorite Disney princess as a child?  Ariel. Who are your style icons?  Like every serious goth in the world give me money to afford this style. Do you believe in an afterlife?  I really do.  Will it be wonderful, bad, lonely, peaceful, reunited with our loved ones, who knows, but I believe in something good. What do you fear most about death?  The possibility there is no afterlife.  I obviously wouldn't exist anymore so wouldn't experience anything, but.  I never want my essence to vanish. What is your favorite country?  Dunno. Glitter or feathers?  I'm a glitter bitch. Have you ever self harmed?  Yeah. What is your favorite type of cake?  Red velvet. Who was your favorite author as a child?  Erin Hunter. Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything?  Um, everyday???? Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep?  Yes, if it's too late to nap but too early to sleep.  And this one time I had a paranormal experience and I was terrified to. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic?  Maybe around an hour during a roadtrip? Best field trip experience?  5th grade zoo trip with Dad, my then-best friend, and her mother. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before?  Nothing impressive. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced?  We've had plenty, who knows. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class?  I've never gone to sleep in class. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert?  No. Are your parents supportive of you?  Yes, Mom especially. Has your mom ever directly told you that she favored your other sibling(s) over you?  No. Do your folks still have sex? Does it disgust you?  They're divorced so y'know. Do you like dried fruit (e.g. bananas, mangos, plums, etc.)?  NO. Can you stand eating the crusts of a slice of sandwich bread?  Yes, but it's my least favorite, so I eat it first to get it out of the way. Do you sleep with your window open at night?  Hell naw I don't want no Welcome to the Game shit. Do you do your homework at home or in class? Or how about in class the day it’s due?  I liked to start it in class if I could, but did the rest at home. When did you last see your parents?  I saw Dad a few days back at Ryder's b-day party, and I saw Mom this morning. Does it bother you when people get too obsessed about stupid stuff?  I feel like you're coming for me. What is the one fast food restaurant you have NEVER been to?  Denny's. Have you ever gotten to see the movie Twilight? Not the whole thing.  Nicole got it for Christmas and played it that day, and I stayed out in the living room with the family 'cuz yeah, Christmas. What was your favorite cartoon character as a kid?  Courage, probably. Do you live in a house or an apartment?  House. Do you live in the city or country?  Country. Do you take any prescription drugs?  Yeah. What is the one TV show you could watch over and over again?  That '70s Show. What is your favorite animal?  Meerkats, specifically the Kalahari sub-species. Who were the last 3 males you talked to?  Dad, Ryder, and Nick. What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Did you like it?  White wine and I wanted to die. Have you ever had to claim insurance? What for?  No. Can you write in cursive?  Yeah, but I've forgotten one or two letters.  Not sure I recall the capital "g." Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope?  No. Where do you like to sit in the movie theater?  Middle. Do you normally finish one book before starting another?  When I read, I did. What is your favorite hot drink?  Hot chocolate. Do you wish you had a pool table? Omg so I would love to have like an arcade sorta room with stuff like that, but I doubt it'll happen. Is chest hair a turn-on? I wouldn't call it that for me personally.  I prefer none or little, but I'm not gonna find a guy unattractive just for that. Which has been the best year of your life so far?  2017.  Full of growth and good memories. Do you have a picture with your middle finger up? No, but admittedly I wanna have one of Sara and me kissing with one for the camera because gay pride to piss off homophobes lol. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?  I'd care if it was for non-medicinal use and illegal in the state. When is the last time you attended a church service?  Oh jeez.  Sometime last year when Colleen was in her super-religious phase. Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts? If I'm making an effort to make conversation, yes.  If there's not really anything to respond to, no. If you could have a twin, would you?  No. If you had to give up your arms or your legs -which would it be?  Legs.  I cherish the use of my arms more. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?  If I'll be happy and content. If you had to be sick for the rest of your life would you choose something that kills you quickly & painfully, or bearably but slowly?  Yikes, not sure.  I guess the latter?  I don't want to just abruptly leave my loved ones. Have you ever made out with a member of the same sex?  Not yet. :P What is the coolest band name you have ever heard?  Definitely some kind of heavy or death metal band.  Off the top of my head, I think Cradle of Filth sounds wicked. Who was the last smoker you were around? Did they smoke around you?  Dad, and yes. Who do you know that can make you feel better if you’re not feeling happy?  Sara and certain YouTubers. Are you more talkative over the Internet?  YEAH DEFINITELY. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret?  Nah.  Loved him then, whatever. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret?  Yeah. Where do you wanna go for vacation?
  I'd love to go to the pink beaches in the Bahamas ahhhh Do you only wish the best for your ex?  Yeah.  I kinda even do with Jason, but at the same time, I want that fucker to see he will never find a perfect relationship, as he obviously wants judging from me and the girl he dated after me.  So I take that back, I don't think I wish the best for him until he learns his lesson. Do you change your phone background a lot?  No. Does a male or female sing the last song you listened to?  Male. Can you count in Roman numerals?  To a certain height.  I don't know what comes after "X"s.  Maybe "L?" What’s in your front yard?  Grass, a small tree, some small flowers... Have you ever lucid dreamed? Would you like to, or does the thought of being able to control your dreams scare you?  No, but it'd be cool to. Would you like the ability to read minds?  No. Do you know how to fish?  Yes. Did you/are you planning on going to college?  I'm going back in January. Have you ever built a snowman?  Yeah.  We rarely get the kind of snow that packs enough to make one, though. When was the last time you moved to a new house?  Over a year ago. Do you know any high school sweethearts? How’s life treating them? My best friend and her husband.  They still love each other and have a son now. Which is the scariest ride you have ever been on in a theme park? This ride that took you way too high up into the air then abruptly dropped & it was horrifying ahhhhhh

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s02e23 No Way Out Part 2 The Evolution of Frank review - or more aptly named, why the fuck do they think it’s okay to make me watch Frank all over again? That guy was sick and I feel bad for that lady he hypnotized. Season 2 finale review

Episode 23 – No Way Out Part 2 The Evolution of Frank

Hey guys! So here we are! The season finale of season two. Oh my god. So, I am not looking forward to this because the name of the episode suggests that that sicko asshast Frank is back, and as you may or may not have noticed before, I FUCKING HATE THAT CHARACTER SO FUCKING MUCH!

But, I’m trying not to be judgy. So let me just get my morning oatmeal ready and we’ll start this episode, and hopefully I won’t puke my guts out this time. Okay?

All righty, let’s see what happens.

Jason Gideon is picking out flowers. I can’t get over this. Oh my god.

“What are you looking for?” “Something flowery.” Oh my dear little perfect cupcake.

“Hey, back off, pal.” “What did I do?”

Oh god, poor Hotch.

“Are you on a date? And you didn’t tell me?” Hotch! Oh god, they’re actually acting like teenagers in high school and I love this.

“Face it, buddy. You want some action, it’s the roses.” “She’s right.” Oh Hotch.

“Make it look … happy.”

Oh god I love Mandy Patinkin so fucking much.

They’re trying to redistribute funds so they’re asking for an annual evaluation on the team? Oh god, no no nononononononononono! I will not allow this. Hotch, Gideon, do something. JASON! This is more important that the fucking jet! Come on! “Hey, Hotch, you’re the best unit chief I know.” “Jason, I’m the only unit chief you know.” Oh baby.

Oh shit. Jason saw Jane. Fuck. What is she doing here? Oh no, no, no, no. Please not now.

“Button Mums are something you give your mother.” Hotch, you little shit.

NO! Not Frank! FUCK!

Why is he in Jason’s house? Oh my god.

Oh god, Mandy’s tortured faces are killing me here. Fuck you, Frank! Fuck you and your crazy mind.

Oscar Wilde: “I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, my enemies for their good intellects.” Wow, that guy was one poodle that was messed up in the noodle.

Can I just say? Jayne Atkinson is HOT! Even for an old lady.

“The unsubs, devoid of any morality, humanity, remorse when caught, often come to believe that we’re the only ones who understand them. And they’re right, we do. Otherwise … how could we catch them?” Oh could, that is one tough job. Fuck.

Hotch got a call to Gideon’s apartment? Oh god. What happened there? Oh my goodness.

Oh god. Frank just did a number of Gideon’s apartment, he was crazy with grief, went out covered in blood with a gun, and the PD think he did this? FUCK YOU ASSHOLES

I’m with Derek all the way.

“Oh, JJ, it’s Friday night. The cute guy from counterterrorism. 3 cocktails in, I am looking at second base, so this better be good.” Oh boy! Penelope, in a black wig, coming home from the middle of a date, I can’t get over how awesome this lady is and how awesome she looks in a wig.

Finally they realize that fucking asshole Frank is back.

He left the rib bone in Sarah’s hand for the team. God damnit.

Oh my god, Gideon is on the run. I don’t like this. Well, more on the hunt after Frank, but I really don’t like this, nevertheless.

I love Hotch for willing to go against the police to save Gideon and get Frank is amazing. But why are the team so reluctant to do this? This is freaking Jason Gideon we’re talking about.

Also, why is Frank such a douche that he sends a kid to quote himself to Morgan from that time back in the diner, and then promise him they’ll pay him ten bucks? Oh my god, that guy is sick.

SICK. SICK. SICK.

“Nervous whistles, stop it. Stop it. Everything is … everything is cool, Garcia. Gorgeous tech kitten found in lonely … dark parking lot. Throat slashed, ear to ear. Horrific. Tragic. With the very files of one of the most prolific serial killers ever. Tonight he remains at large, the blood of Quantico’s finest –” Oh my god, GARCIA! She has a nervous tick of whistling, and I can’t get over how cute she is when she’s scared she talks to herself and it’s the most adorable thing ever! I love this woman.

Oh my goodness, Jason just totally popped out of nowhere and just got into the car and scared the living guano out of Penelope. Oh my god. I love their interactions so much.

“Just drive.” Cool.

So Frank is still after Jane? She ran away from him and he wants her back? Fuck.

Murder book?

The people he saved.

Oh fuck! Frank is going after the people Gideon saved. Shit.

I love how appreciative Penelope is. You perfect tech kitten goddess.

“Turdus polyglottus. Mockingbird. They’ve provided insights into the origin of syntax. Essential first steps into the evolution of human language. If we stand any chance of stopping him, we need to understand the evolution of Frank. What created him.” Oh shit.

So that sentence basically generated the flow of these thoughts:

‘What the fuck is going on here? Has Jason completely lost his marbles? Why is he twittering about birds right now? The human language evolved from a bird? Are we that pathetic? Oh shit, they’re going to investigate Frank and delve into his twisted mind, shit. No. I don’t like this. Please. Stop. Shit.’

Oh god. He is pretending to be an agent with the BAU? Following up on the victim of that fire that the Fisher King started? Oh my god.

WHAT? He’s pretending to be Gideon? YOU FUCKER!

Wait. So he let himself in on a ruse. Then completely drops that ruse to understand her and fuck with her brain before he tortures her? Oh my fucking god, someone stop this asshole before I kick him in the balls he clearly doesn’t have.

So he is looking to feel? So that he can be better to Jane? Oh you sick fucker.

Thank god the phone rang. Fuck.

Just get out! come on! Oh fuck, he’s behind you! Shit! Oh my god!

Shit.

Oh my god! REBECCA! FUCK!

Oh my god. Oh my fucking god, what is going on here? What is this episode doing to me? Fuck.

So he requested a meeting in Union Station? Fuck.

So they found Jane. Good. Fuck.

This is one sick episode.

Oh Jane, why are you provoking the other detainees? Shit.

He wants to love her? But he can’t love her? Shit. You poor honey.

Tracey Belle? OH MY GOD! He’s going after the little girl? SHIT!

Fuck. I hope Tracey is still alive. Damn.

“Tell us something good, Reid.” Oh honey, I love how he’s desperate for good news. My little perfect puppy.

I love those two together in a scene! It’s so perfect! And I love how Penelope is trying to think like a BAU agent, trying to understand Gideon’s thought process.

“Is that odd?” oh you cute button, you.

“You’re onto something.” Oh honey. “That’s great, I don’t know what.”

EW! THAT IS SO SICK! So he didn’t kill Jane because he sees her as his mother? Yet he claims to be in love with her like a lover? Fuck. That man is sick to the bone.

So Frank grew up in Manhattan, never knew his father, so he took his mother’s name. He was obsessed with her. And told Jane everything. Fuck this is sick.

So his mom is dead? Oh fuck.

German mother. Immigrated in the fifties. Oh damn.

So he lied about his mother’s occupation? She was a prostitute? Oh my god. And she’s not dead. He lied about the story about his mom? Why?

Oh my god! FRANK HAS TRACEY! SHIT!

Oh my goodness gracious, Mandy’s face is just the most precious thing ever. It’s torn between talking to a sweet child and trying to calm her down and the horror that this fucker has her. oh my god.

Oh god. This is the first time I’ve seen Penelope horrified. I can’t. I can’t deal with my emotions right now. They’re all in a jumble.

Please someone stop this madness.

Someone kill Frank.

I am begging you.

A little hot Derek Morgan to alleviate the situation.

“No matter what happens this time, we don’t split up, clear?” oh JJ, you are such a mothering hen, I love you so much.

“Do you have something for me?” “No, I don’t.” well, that’s a disappointment, Hotch, you look so formidable it’s almost cute.

JJ with a gun. HOT DAMN.

Get him, Jason! Get the fucker!

“You took the lives of hundreds. All because your mother was a whore?” oh Jason, I don’t think that provoking this fucker is the right course of action. But then again, you’re the expert here, so proceed with the show.

Wait. He saw his mother whore herself? Fuck.

Oh my god! TRACEY! THANK FUCK!

Oh shit. He’s hypnotizing Jane all over again. Oh you messed up noodle, Jane.

NO!

WHAT?!

They actually jumped in front of that fucking train???? WHAT??????

“I believe you are no longer effective in your post.” What the fuck does that mean, Erin? What the fuck are you trying to say here, bitch?

Hahahahahaha he’s profiling Erin! I love you, Hotchner.

“As your superior I am questioning your ability to lead your team.” Oh she did not just utter those words, I am about this close to getting into that show and strangling Erin.

“My team? Let me tell you about my team.

“Agent Morgan fought to protect his identity from the very people who could save him – why? Because trust has to be earned, and there are very few people he truly trusts.

“Reid’s intellect is a shield which protects him from his emotions and at the moment his shield is under repair.

“Prentiss overcompensates because she doesn’t yet feel she’s a part of the team. She needn’t worry.

“Every day, Agent Jareau fields dozens of requests of our team. And every night she goes home hoping she’s made the right choices.

“Garcia fills her office with figurines and color to remind herself to smile as the horror fills her screens.

“And Agent Gideon, in many ways, is damned by his profound knowledge of others. Which is why he shares so little of himself, yet he pours his heart into every case we handle.

“I stand by my actions, and I stand by my team. And if you think you can find a better person for the job, good luck.”

“How do I know you favor your son? I’m good at my job.” I love you Hotchner, so much, and I hope this lady stops being such a bitch.

Hold up the damn phone. Is Erin trying to bribe one of my superheroes? Oh hell no.

Okay. Hold up. Hold the fucking phone. So because Hotch is good at his job and scares the living shit out of her because he can see right through her and know her darkest secrets she’s trying to get rid of him and is trying to manipulate Prentiss into helping her by threatening her position at the BAU? Oh my fucking god, I hope she says no. Why end the season like that? Assholes.

 Okay, so we’re done with season 2. HOLY COW! And this episode was just one big fest of holy shit, I hate you guys for making me watch this sick asshole Frank, he’s so awful, please god stop. But we got tons of pictures of Mandy Patinkin looking adorable, and he had scenes with Penelope, which was amazing! And at the end Hotchner standing up for the team was absolutely heartwarming and I love this show so much. I cannot wait to start season three.

I’ll see you all for the review of the third season’s premiere.

Till then, au revoir mon cherries! <3

[forestwater87]

Do you happen to have any headcannons for Edward Pikeman/ the woodscouts? Any for the flower scouts? (And I understand if you wanna take time to answer or do separate posts; if you wanna answer it at all).

I haven’t really thought about it, but since Petrol is one of my new Favorite People, I think it’d be fun to sit down and do these guys! Llllet’s go!

1: sexuality headcanon:

Straight. Slimy, sleazy straight boy.

2: otp:

No one. He … needs to learn how to not be quite so creepy first.

3: brotp:

Him and the Woodscouts, definitely. He’s the only one who calls Billy “Snake,” and Petrol is apparently willing to fall in acid for him. They’re the only 3 people in a dying camp, but they seem to be really close-knit and it’s actually hella cute.

4: notp:

Him and Gwen. For one thing, I don’t think he’s a counselor, so there’s no way he’s older than, like, 20 on the very outside. So ew. But also I’ll hear the way he said “Mmmmhmmm” in my nightmares. No, no, Gwen deserves better.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

I think he was the youngest in his family, and that his siblings are all super popular and successful. It makes him throw himself into the Woodscouts, because that’s something he’s fairly good at, and that’s why he’s so eager to win Camp Campbell and improve the quality and numbers of the Woodscouts: to prove to himself that he’s a winner. He’s also ridiculously competitive in general, and a little like a Chihuahua — small, not very threatening, mostly just annoying, but highly confrontational and super delusional about his own abilities.

6: favorite line from this character:

“That’d be immoral.” I love the way you can practically see the italics as he speaks.

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

Uh … I also don’t have great skin?

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

Everything. All of his everything.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Problematic, absolutely.

1: sexuality headcanon:

Demihet, biromantic. No idea where this headcanon came from, but I’m going to cling to it like it makes sense.

2: otp:

He looks like he’d be good with someone like Ered. They could do badass things together and look awesome.

3: brotp:

All the other Woodscouts, again. No idea what he sees in Pikeman, but apparently it’s enough to keep him sticking around.

4: notp:

I see the Woodscouts so much like a family that the idea of any of them together feels vaguely incestuous. No clue why, but it squicks me out in a big way.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

He’s actually relatively popular in school and stuff, but for some reason he tends to gravitate not toward the cool kids, but toward the losers like Pikeman and the Woodscouts in general. It’s not an intentional thing, his affinity for lost causes, but he’s the jock who’ll kick your ass if you’re bullying someone he’s fond of.

I also think he’d tend to be friends with really talkative, outgoing people, because he’s very much the “strong and silent” type. It’s a big part of why people think he’s cool, but really he’s just kinda shy.

6: favorite line from this character:

He … doesn’t have lines.

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

Pretty sure my legs are literally that skinny.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

Never! He’s too awesome!

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

CINNAMON. ROLL.

1: sexuality headcanon:

No sex. Just honor. (And Scouting.) Maybe he’ll grow into a sexuality, but he strikes me as either ace, or just too dedicated to The Cause to be actually interested in romantic or sexual anything.

2: otp:

None.

3: brotp:

WOODSCOUTS!

4: notp:

Any adults.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

He doesn’t need the eyepatch. He just thinks it makes him look cool. Sometimes he’ll switch eyes if one of them gets tired.

6: favorite line from this character:

“I made a vow.” He couldn’t be more Zuko if he tried, Jesus. Dante sure has a Type, doesn’t he?

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

Candy canes are a year-round snack.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

He wants to be cool so badly. The insistence on being called “Snake” (and no one doing it) is really sad.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Neither, really. I don’t have strong feelings in either direction about this kid.

1: sexuality headcanon:

Girls. Not necessarily exclusively, but certainly a preference. She loves girly, feminine things so much and it extends to women; she’s convinced forever when the right (tough, rugged) guy comes along she’ll fall for him and they’ll have a perfect fairytale romance. Eventually … she’ll realize that she likes girliness so much in part because she just likes girls, and she likes being around them.

2: otp:

Nikki and Sasha is the ship I wish I didn’t love. I do not believe that all antagonistic ships are automatically True Love, but how cute would it be if years later they ran into each other, and Sasha had grown up to be less of a shallow person, and she realizes “oh shit Nikki’s hot” and they become the most badass power couple ever?

3: brotp:

Her friendship with Tabii. She’s so good and supportive even though her friend is legitimately troubled, and her willingness to get dragged along into these crazy schemes is heartwarming, in a weird way.

4: notp:

Don’t have one, adults aside.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

She has OCD, or a similar anxiety-related disorder. She excels so much in the Flower Scouts because everything is based on cleanliness and routine, and being able to meticulously organize everything in her entire life so that it’s aesthetically pleasing and perfect to the last detail is extremely comforting and relaxing to her. This is part of why Nikki upset her so much (and she was the driving force behind getting her out of the Scouts); it went beyond simply “ew, boy things!” and became a genuine source of stress, having her carefully-organized life upturned by this filthy child.

6: favorite line from this character:

“Seriously Tabii, what the fuck?!”

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

I love pink!

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

She’s a bitch. Not sure that’s embarrassment or irritation, but it’s hard to watch sometimes.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Definitely problematic, definitely a fave.

1: sexuality headcanon:

More or less straight; has a huge thing for David. (Yes, I literally ripped this from my fanfic. I don’t even feel bad.) I like the idea that she’s secretly drawn to dorks — not to the extent that Tabii is, but that she’s not as big a fan as the tough and stoic types as the sweet, puppy sunshine boys.

2: otp:

I … don’t have one. But now that I think about it, she and Tabii would be adorable, wouldn’t they? Or wait, what about Neil? That’d be kinda cruel to poor Tabs, but she finds his nerdiness appealing.

3: brotp:

Her and Sasha. They clearly recognize each other as the sane ones in their troop, and bond over a mutual love of pumpkin spice lattes.

4: notp:

Adults. Again. I’m a boring broken record in this regard.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

The hair isn’t natural. Sasha helped her dye it because she was jealous of her “cool” hair color, and Erin’s mom is gonna be pissed when she comes home with bright blue hair.

6: favorite line from this character:

“She’s the dumb one.”

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

I love Fraaaaance.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

Nothing, really. The Valley Girl shtick is a little obnoxious, but honestly these girls are just too much fun to really be bothered by.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Neither? Both? Not sure.

1: sexuality headcanon:

Straight as an arrow with a thing for assholes.

2: otp:

I … wish I didn’t like her and Neil as much as I do. But it’s kinda cute. Not exactly an OTP, but I’m enjoying seeing where it goes, and as someone who’s had obsessive hopeless crushes like that, I think it’s extremely endearing.

3: brotp:

Her sister scouts love and support her so much! Also her sister is apparently the greatest, despite feeding her very bad information.

4: notp:

Adults. And … well, she’d probably be awful with Neil. Can it be my OTP and nOTP?

5: first headcanon that pops into my head:

Tabii is actually surprisingly good at school, despite not being very smart. She’s excellent at eyeing something and knowing exactly what someone wants her to do, so even if she doesn’t know the information she’s an incredible test-taker.

And she loves English class, and to write poetry in particular. It’s pretty bad poetry at the moment, but by the time she’s in college it’ll be surprisingly good.

6: favorite line from this character:

“He can pee in me anytime …” Or “he’s so hawt!” (I actually use that second one all the time.)

7: one way in which I relate to this character:

Me in 6th grade? I was Tabii. Girls get crushes so much earlier than boys, to speak in generalities. It’s so hard being in the “I wanna kiss your face” stage when they’re still in the “girls are icky” stage.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

She’s just so bad at everything. (Also the way she talked to Bonquisha was a little … uncomfortable. Had a little “privileged white girl” feel to it that made me twitch.)

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Look at this cutie and tell me she’s problematic. Just fucking try it.