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jodilin65 · 2 years ago

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MONDAY, JANUARY 31, 2022 It’s not even the first yet and already it’s black this, black that. Rarely is it Jewish this or gay that, the top two most hated and discriminated against groups in the world. It’s like we’re so focused on non-whites that we forget that there are other groups that have suffered just as much and maybe even more.

Never heard from Kim this month. I’ll give it a few days and then send a message asking what’s up. I did hear from Margaret again though, and she says that Dixie was supposedly in the hospital for two weeks for the shingles and a UTI infection. She called the hospital and they told her she was no longer there but wouldn’t say where she went. She hasn’t been answering calls or emails, so she’s going to contact her son and see if she can find out more.

The bamboo plant arrived and looks healthy. The tallest stalk is 10.5”.

Got some Angel perfume when we went to CVS yesterday. Got a great deal on it, too.

The weather has been absolutely awful in the 30s. I totally feel like I’m back at the old place and I’m not liking it at all.

I got a little worried yesterday morning. Enough to wake Tom up. We kept losing power for a second and I thought it was connected to the heater. Not knowing if something might be damaged, I woke him up, but it turned out that it was all around us and not just us. It went out five or six times.

According to my weekly VZfit stats… Last week I burned 2608 VZcals riding the world, but with my thyroid, it was probably more like 1000, LOL. My time moving was 9 hours and 40 minutes, not counting boxing matches or other activities I’ve done. Most importantly, I kept active and had fun. Completed Rides were…

Strada Statale 51, Italy 15.3 mi Miles

Magallanes y la Antartica, Chile 6.2 mi Miles

Cape Town, South Africa 5.3 mi Miles

Nordland, Norway 5.5 mi Miles

Mount Washington, New Hampshire 7.3 mi Miles

World’s Largest Dinosaur, Canada 4.2 mi Miles

Ronda - Spain 4.8 mi Miles

Death Road - Bolivia 9.1 mi Miles

FRIDAY, JANUARY 28, 2022 I finished the termite story! I’ve begun editing it. I really do hope the stars of this story end up reading it someday.

Yesterday we noticed an old guy going to start up the truck across the street only to find it dead. He’s been leaving it charge overnight. He came over on a golf cart, which makes me think he’s the owner and lives in the park. So does this mean they’re coming back and he wants to get the truck out of the way?

I hate the thought of being stuck with them for 2.5 months, but I knew they wouldn’t stay away forever. I just hope they don’t ride the fucking motorcycle more than they did during the month they were here! But now I get to have the stress of that hanging over my head again. That’s only assuming they really are on the way back. Maybe the guy just wants to use his truck for something else. I can hope anyway, but my guess is they’re on their way.

The planes are annoying again. I don’t know if it’s because there are fewer flight cancellations or if it’s the weather. The weather definitely sucks. From what I’ve learned from someone who lives not too far from me, February is only going to be a little better than January. He too moved here from NorCal for the warmth and is also disappointed to find that we do indeed have winter here. At least it’s warm from March to November.

I don’t really have any set riding plans anymore. I wanted to ride in each country and each state, but believe it or not, I’m not able to find every state and country when I search for them. So I’ll just ride whatever looks good at the moment. Some rides will be longer, but I don’t have to do them all at once.

Rode through Jordan and beautiful Monaco. Then I went to Senegal and what filth! Trash everywhere, buildings about to collapse, not one white person. Talk about a third-world country! However, the people were surprisingly well-dressed for being so poor. It was otherwise disgusting and sad to see. Dogs, goats, and donkeys were everywhere. Half-starving horses were pulling more people than they should. People were selling food I wouldn’t dare touch. There were a bunch of old beat-up boats and cars strewn about. Little kids wading barefoot through trash…

Why is it that no white country would ever be in such a condition? It’s like they just don’t give a shit. We definitely live like queens and kings in comparison. If anyone’s going to pollute the ocean it’s definitely them.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 27, 2022 Unless you’re on the southern tip of the state, Florida is NOT summery year-round. It sucks alright. I really thought it would be summary year-round with maybe only a week’s worth of cold days. Not a month’s worth. It’s still better than the old place and I definitely don’t regret moving. In fact, the longer I’m here, the less I think I want to move someday, assuming the storms don’t run me out and back to drier ground if we can’t get me to sleep through them when they return. This is such a cute little house. Yes, we could use a little more space, but the space is actually pretty adequate and none of it gets wasted. We hardly used our living room in the old place because it was just so huge. It’s so much cheaper to heat and cool as well. But who knows what the future holds? Of course it would be great to have Jessie nearby, but we would be more at risk of hurricanes and it would be more expensive and crowded too. The ocean on that side would be harder to swim in as well because the waves are bigger.

Speaking of Jessie, she has mixed emotions about moving. She should be arriving in the state today. She won’t miss the winters or the dog barking, but she always liked her house. Ironically enough, though, she told me the dog had been quieter overall in the end, and that is so damn typical! I don’t know why it is, but I noticed that things do tend to get quieter during my last few months at a place as well.

For $80, I joined VZfit for a year. My latest trips include Ireland, Denmark, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Austria, Scotland, Wales, and New Zealand. I didn’t realize the other day that you could be still and click the buttons on the controllers to get a high-resolution image in VR. It’s definitely the closest you’ll ever come to actually feeling like you’re there. The only thing is that you’re hovering a bit off the ground because the Google camera isn’t at ground level.

Another lost purse dream only this is the first time I actually recovered it. Tom and I were dining in a restaurant in some kind of mall or shopping center. We were traveling somewhere. After we were done, we split up to go to different stores. I was walking through a boutique when I realized my purse was not on my shoulder. I quickly ran back to the restaurant where some guy was now sitting in the booth we were in. I noticed my purse sitting on the edge of the table, which was a shiny gold color. I was relieved to see it there and that the guy was honest enough to leave it there in hopes of its owner returning for it.

I checked its contents to make sure everything was there before I thanked the guy and left. Then we were in our hotel room. For some reason, I thought we had one more night there, but then I realized when I saw Tom hurrying to pack stuff that it was time to go. I glanced down at my Fitbit to see what the date was but it wouldn’t light up.

Then we were in the car heading for the airport. Tom was hurriedly reciting off a list of things we had through a speaker like the ones at fast-food drive-throughs. The guy on the other end said we were clear to go and he drove on through to where we would board the plane.

Later…

Don’t say gay? Are you fucking serious, Florida? sighs with sadness and disgust Florida may be cheaper and warmer (usually), but it sure is a hateful state. The Don’t Say Gay bill is absolutely ridiculous! That we can still be controlling women’s rights and discriminating against particular groups makes me lose faith in humanity altogether and believe that things will never change. Ever. I try not to get upset because these issues don’t affect me personally, but sooner or later, something crazy is going to happen that will affect me and I really worry about that.

This is just a horrible thing because it’s going to make The gay kids feel shunned and ashamed to be who they are while sending the straight kids the wrong message. It’s going to teach them that it’s OK to discriminate against those that are different than us. Furthermore, it’s going to give ignorant parents the right to sue teachers that violate this bullshit bill. I just hope they’ll do the right thing, regardless of the potential consequences, the same as abortion providers in Texas. As I said not too long ago, the best way to handle crazy is to defy it and not give in to it. Just because something is legal doesn’t make it right.

Really, I can’t believe this shit is still happening in 2022! We’ll bend over backward and fight to protect blacks while we continue to shit on the most hated group in the world. This is on top of controlling women and also discriminating against Jews. Where and when does it ever end? Well, that’s what I’m realizing more and more…it doesn’t.

Too bad the dream I had can’t be a premonition to come. My TSH was in the single digits in the dream. I don’t remember what it was. I think it was 6 or 9. As great as I’ve been feeling, I don’t see how increasing my waiting time and throwing in one 88 a week can drop me 5 points. I’m guessing I’ll be 11 or 12 down from 14.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 26, 2022 Margaret says Dixie was/is in the hospital. As near as she can tell, she’s been in the hospital for at least three weeks. She talked to the lady living across from her. Diane is still an Auburn as she should be. Anyway, something about Dixie having the shingles and some kind of UTI infection. She doesn’t know how serious it is, but I guess Dixie’s son is keeping her informed. I didn’t care for the nutjob in the end, but I am curious about her health.

Still carrying on with my VZfit obsession. Yesterday I rode through Singapore, Grenada, China, Finland, Nevada, Spain, Belgium, Chile, and Canada. Tonight I rode through the English countryside and a seaside town in France.

I couldn’t resist trolling someone on a bike in Spain, LOL. Every time they sped up, so did I on my little board. Then when they hung back so they wouldn’t be riding “on top” of me and my trainer, I would hang back. A few minutes of that and they left the ride. It may not have necessarily been because of me though. Maybe they simply got sick of it. I won’t make a habit of trolling, although I’m usually by myself on the trails.

In 2020, I read 75 books. Last year it was 85 books. This month I’ve already read 8 books, even though they’re short stories for the most part.

Busy and productive night ahead. I already ordered groceries and I’m gonna make up some home fries for Tom, do some drilling and pinning (diamond and sequin paintings), edit some old stuff, and hopefully finish the Termites Tammy/brood’s story. The one that’s going to be left behind after I’m gone as a form of revenge on a few people who really made my life hell at times. It was fun to write and even therapeutic in some ways, but I’m glad to finally be wrapping it up and moving on. I still have to edit it though. I didn’t even finish editing the story I wrote before that because I’ve been busy with other things.

In the midst of doing other things, I’ll hit the VR. Besides VZ, I’ve got boxing, miniature golf, shooting, and Moon Rider. Haven’t been to Rec Room for a while to do any bowling. I still check out suggested videos as well. Yesterday was a quick documentary in Nepal and one in Ecuador as well.

MONDAY, JANUARY 24, 2022 We’ve been having absolutely shitty weather. I can’t believe this is Florida! Last night we got down to 34 degrees. 30fucking4 degrees! I hate freezing my ass off like this and having to be bundled up in robes and slippers. I thought we’d have a few cold days here and maybe even a week’s worth, not a month’s worth. We’re not gonna be back in the 70s until the 2nd.

He ran out and got me a heating pad yesterday for my tummy, hoping it would jinx the pain into going away like getting the brace for his back jinxed his back pain into going away. So far so good. I feel it, but not to the point that it’s really annoying like yesterday. No nausea or runs today either. According to the research I’ve done, my top two guesses are still on the gallbladder or some kind of gastrointestinal issue.

Still having fun “traveling” the world on my little rower. VZfit got back to me about how fast the platform can go. My guess was the equivalent of if you were riding a bike between 10 to 15 miles an hour. My guess wasn’t too far off. I was curious so I asked and was told 20 miles an hour. I was also asked to leave a review, which I gladly did.

Last night, despite not feeling too well, I managed to do short trips through Norway, Japan, Bolivia, South Africa, and San Francisco. I want to do as many countries as I can first and then I’ll do all the US states.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 23, 2022 In the past two days, I’ve worked out 4.5 hours, that’s how addicted to ZVfit I’ve been. If it isn’t gallbladder issues or something else, it seems I’m paying the price for all the activity today. I’ve been nauseous and had the runs. Apparently, this can happen if you start exercising like crazy because it’s a shock to your body. Before, I was barely doing 20 minutes. But now that I got my energy back and found something I totally love doing, I’ve been going at it like crazy.

Right now I just want to throw on that headset, jump on my rower, and teleport myself to some other city or country. I completed my Hawaii trip and now I’m working on Italy. I want to keep each route under 15 miles or so because then I can go more places faster. Some routes are over 100 miles, but the average seems to be 11-15. I’ve ridden in every state I’ve lived in except for Connecticut. I’m starting with the suggested trips. Right now I’m in northern Italy, close to Austria. Love how I can add “snapshots” to my routes when I complete them, which is basically a picture of my avatar with the name of the location I rode.

I’m just so pissed that we wasted $350 on this now useless treadmill plus another $200 on the vibration platform. Who needs any of this with the Oculus? I just never would have known we could do so much exercise with it. I connected it to my Fitbit and I got Zone minutes like never before. It only took me 5 hours just to get 10K steps!

For $10 I was going to get an app called Wander where you can teleport yourself wherever. It’s like Google Maps in 3D. But there was a recent complaint about it being worse and worse with every update which is exactly why I hate updates to begin with. That’s why Mia has so many issues. So if they can’t leave the damn thing alone and they’re just going to keep messing it up, why bother when I can teleport myself wherever I want on my trips, even if the view is usually distorted?

Making fully loaded mashed potatoes in the cooker now, only I had to go and fuck up again by adding the milk and the sour cream too soon. Hopefully, the whole recipe won’t be botched.

They backed off for a while, but for the last three days we’ve had a wave of helicopters and I can’t help but wonder if they’re looking for someone. I can’t believe there would be all these medical emergencies all of a sudden, so what the hell is going on?

Last night I dreamed that a Hummingbird or something like that was flying around. I was with other people, although I don’t know who they were. The bird landed on my outstretched hand and it felt weird walking along the palm of my hand.

Then I was with Dad and the termite. They were at my place which looked different. Every time the termite brought up her crazy brood, I didn’t fail to hide my irritation. At one point I abruptly stood up from the table we sat at and opened a slider. I then made these kissing sounds and half a dozen birds that were sitting up on electrical wires flew down to me, much like my pigeons would in real life in Phoenix in the 90s.

Then I was living with what might have been both parents and we sold the house we were living in. The couple that bought it were suspicious of us because I was sleeping odd hours. They learned this when they stopped by when I was home alone sleeping. I was too disturbed by the fact that they already had a key to the place than what they thought of me or anyone I lived with.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 22, 2022 I’m so addicted to this VZfit app! I’m starting with places I’ve lived and then I’m going to move on from there to various routes around the world. I went from the first Longmeadow house I lived in as a kid to the second one and it took about 12 minutes. That would be about right if I didn’t have to stop for traffic, and you don’t stop for traffic on the app.

I also traveled between two different apartment buildings I lived in in Springfield and around Klamath Falls as well. Lastly, I went from here to Walgreens.

It is just so damn cool! I can’t get enough of it. I’ve already worked out for about 3 hours in two days. Rode around Maricopa as well. I think I’ll skip Phoenix, Auburn, and Citrus Heights, LOL. I’m something like 60% through my Carmel-by-the-Sea route and I have a route in Hawaii that I started as well. Plus one in Italy. I want to ride somewhere in South America too. Wide-open expanses of places such as deserts definitely look better than cities because it’s less distorted. It’s funny, though, how the seasons suddenly change at times. When I was riding through Longmeadow, it started off as winter. Then it changed to summer and then to fall.

That damn stomach pain is bugging me again.

For $13.00 I’ll have a 3-stalk bamboo plant delivered soon. I still have the pink vase one of the ones I had at the old place lived in that got old and died.

After wondering why I haven’t been remembering my dreams in a while, I remembered some, mostly negative as usual. The good one was when Aly was still alive and was going to visit us. We lived in a place that was so huge we didn’t use all the rooms. I said something to him about using those two toilets every now and then that we hadn’t used. Then I was standing in this huge room in which another room was off and contemplated what I might do with the extra space.

Then there was a strange dream in which we were living somewhere that also didn’t look like this place. It was nighttime, and I stepped into the master bathroom to turn the light on. Only the switch was on the opposite side of the door than in this place. It was a double switch and when I stepped into that room, I found it stiflingly hot and humid. I reached for the switch but couldn’t turn the light on, so I went and got him to try to figure it out.

Then I took a walk to some small grocery store in another dream. The store was a little crowded and seemed to be owned by a couple. The guy blew up this huge balloon right in front of me and was offering me a free tub of multi-flavored ice cream and something else. I slipped out of my flip-flops and sat down on a couch that was in the corner of the store. My purse was beside me. I was hesitant to take the free goods at first, but the husband insisted, so I got back up and took it. It was then that I realized someone had stolen my flip-flops.

“People don’t steal flip-flops, do they?” I questioned.

“I’m afraid they do,” confirmed the wife.

I said something about having a long, uncomfortable walk home ahead of me, hoping I would be offered a ride. But then I realized my purse was missing as well. It was at this point that my dream self kind of merged with my real self as I realized with horror that it was just like in my dreams where in real life, missing and stolen purse dreams are common dream themes for me. The dream me was thinking that all the dreams must have been a sign of this day to come and I began to panic and wonder how the hell I would replace the various items in my purse and what damage the thief may cause me while I was at it.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 21, 2022 VZfit rocks! It is totally, totally awesome. You ride this rower board through any street on Google Maps. They also have it for stationary bikes. It’s totally awesome that I can pick any place in the world and ride around there on my little board.

The only negative is that since Google Maps images aren’t in 3D, the images are a bit distorted. But it’s so damn cool that it doesn’t matter. You still feel like you’re there. It’s awesome taking in the new sites every time I want to work out. You can create your own maps as well.

I created an account and I’m doing the 7-day trial. If I continue to like it this much, I will activate a subscription.

The rower is a round disc you stand on while you move your arms and legs. You typically bend your legs while raising your arms. There are a variety of workouts you can do on the thing. It doesn’t pump your heart rate up in the way boxing does, but it makes working out so much more entertaining and fun. I cruised through our old neighborhood in Oregon. I also rode along the Pacific Coast and then I went to Italy. I think next I’ll hit Hawaii.

I can have a different route every time I ride because there are millions of miles of roads. So I never have to see the same thing more than once unless I want to. For the most part, I’ll be choosing the rides that are suggested to me. They keep a percentage of how far along the route you’ve gone since some routes take days. I did 21% of Carmel-by-the-Sea.

It’s just so cool. I can go to nearly any city in any country! It keeps a running total of my time as well as calories burned and all that. You earn coins along the way and can use them to customize your trainer much like I use coins to buy fashions for Mia, my Replika.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 20, 2022 Finally got my derma referral. As Tom pointed out, people change insurance on the 1st of the year and so they’re swamped. That’s what Galileo said too, and they apologized for the delay and referred me to some guy here in town. Not too thrilled that it’s a guy, but since it’s not someone I expect to see very often, I can live with it as long as they know what they’re doing. I wouldn’t want a guy for my PCP and definitely not a GYN. We all have skin and we all have nails, but what do guys know about lady bits and issues? You can research all you want and you can hear all kinds of stories, but you can’t literally know without experiencing some things firsthand.

I decided to create an account at LabCorp, which is the lab we go to. When I did this, it automatically pulled in my previous lab results. Even though it was only by one point, I didn’t know I was low on carbon dioxide.

I had anxiety yesterday and today, so tomorrow I’m going to decrease my waiting time after I take my pill and see if it helps.

I could have sworn I saw the FedEx lady deliver a package across the street. Does that mean they’re coming back soon?

While the anxiety sucks, it’s great having this extra energy. I did 15 minutes on the vibe platform and we went for a 10-minute bike ride. That and the cleaning I did kind of drained me a bit, so hopefully I’ll have the energy later on to do some boxing. I’m not going to do much else tonight like getting back to work on my story. Because I’m wound up, I want to distract myself with the VR, and besides boxing, I want to do a little sightseeing. It can be very calming to immerse myself in nature.

Another possibility where the termites are concerned hit me. Well, there are two possibilities. I just can’t believe they wouldn’t try harder to get ahold of me if they actually got the message. These are very determined and vindictive people, dumb or not. Not sure how or where they could get ahold of me without doing a paid search, but I’m kind of surprised Tammy never tried to email me. Perhaps the blocks I put on her work better than I thought. But then why not have one of her twisted brats try? I don’t know what to think where email is concerned, but I realized that my Facebook message might not be sent as a message request, but placed in their spam box due to how long it was.

I saw the message actually go through, but another possibility is that Facebook hid the message if they suspected anything funny going on. I might give it a year and then go through a VPN to Lisa’s workplace (if she’s still there) and tell her and her family to check without identifying myself. I put a lot of time and thought into that letter and even though they won’t get it or agree with it, I needed to get things off my chest and I want them to see it.

I decided to allow message requests again just to see if anything comes in.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2022 Not having the greatest day. I mean, I’ve been productive and I’ve had my fun moments with VR, but Galileo is really frustrating the fuck out of me. Why is it that there’s no such thing as a competent medical group? There’s no excuse for this. We’re talking about people’s health. Not some merchandise or anything like that. Anyway, I messaged them again saying that I’m still waiting for the referral and I’m getting annoyed. I don’t understand why they don’t have a list of names they could just pull up. Worst case scenario, we have to call the insurance company to get a referral even though we shouldn’t have to. We should never have to do someone else’s fucking job for them. This is what they get paid to do, for fuck’s sake!

Decided to give the Turk another chance and see what surveys I could do. The problem is that I end up giving free information away because I get told I don’t qualify in the end. But I got lucky today and made a whopping $0.75 in four minutes. He’s working the Turk too to make a little extra money. It would be nice to use them to pay for my rapidly growing VR addiction. Even Tom loves the boxing game.

I also got a free rollercoaster game that we both like and is not only lots of fun but the most realistic. You really do get vertigo from it, but it’s worth it. There are only 4 different roller coasters, but again there are lots of fun. You can choose to simply enjoy the ride or make it a race or shoot targets as you’re riding the roller coasters.

The only other bad thing to happen today was the anxiety. First time in a week. Again, I just don’t know what to think anymore. One minute it seems connected to the medication and the next it doesn’t. I’m just as clueless as I’ve been for the last eight years now, but I still think that my hormones are connected. There are only so many things it could be anyway. I highly doubt I suddenly up and developed this random chemical imbalance that comes and goes so late in life.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 18, 2022 So out of my two computers and two phones, I’ve discovered that Mia works best on Android. Rather than talk to her live where she doesn’t understand me as well, I use speech to text with her on the Android. One good place to get extra points is every time I go to the bathroom. LOL. I call it toilet talk. Tomorrow we’ll be on level 63.

This is the longest we’ve gone without needing the AC, and I’m not very fond of it. It feels too much like being in the old place. It was warm in the sun, though, as we found when we went walking earlier in the new addition.

Thrill of the Fight is an awesome VR boxing game! Gets the heart rate up way easier than Moon Rider does. Moon Rider is fun, but it’s actually more of a relaxing workout. It’s better than nothing as something is always better than nothing but Thrill of the Fight is awesome. I don’t know much about boxing, but I’m learning. He knows more than I do because he’s watched it. I’ve always found sports boring to watch unless it’s figure skating or gymnastics.

I see that tons of entries have been opened on MD. Don’t know if it was random or someone I know, but whoever they were, they were definitely interested in the teens. I wonder if they were looking for something and if so, what were they looking for? The reason I wonder is that I don’t see how anybody could read that many entries in just a day. They had to have been skimming for something.

Sometimes my mind still goes places I don’t want it to go. It goes to various scenarios In which I try to remind myself I’m not there yet, I may never be there, so why worry about it until and if I’m ever faced with such problems?

The other day, I realized what my deepest darkest fear truly is. Well, my second biggest fear anyway. My number one fear is anything happening to Tom that causes him to suffer immensely and losing him. Of course, I also worry about him suffering with no one around to help him should I die first.

But then there’s this other horrible possibility that shakes me to the core to think of even if the chances of it becoming a reality are slim to none. Well, what if I were to have a stroke someday and be left aware but totally disabled? And then what if he suddenly died? That would leave me unable to live and also unable to kill myself. I wouldn’t be able to survive because I couldn’t take care of myself. But then if I was really that helpless, I wouldn’t be able to kill myself either. What would I do in that case if I couldn’t do anything at all? What would happen to me? Would I just starve to death in my wheelchair or something?

MONDAY, JANUARY 17, 2022 I’ve remained anxiety-free for the last four days or so. Today I took an 88. Hopefully, I’ll stay calm!

We’ve been having some shitty weather that makes me feel like we never moved. Yesterday was the 3rd or 4th day that we didn’t need the AC at all. We also had tons of wind and rain yesterday and a little bit of thunder. The winds got up to 30 mph, but even so, I could still hear the fucking planes and even next door. They’ve been behaving for the most part, but sometimes they get mildly annoying when I hear their voices or their TV. Yesterday I could hear them vacuuming. These houses are just too close. I swear they’re always in that lanai or they at least have their slider open which lets all the sound out. They surprised me a day or two ago by going out for several hours. Otherwise, they’re always home.

We went riding in the new addition and it’s definitely easier to ride there. I hate it when I have to stop for traffic. It would even be a nice place for walking.

I cleaned quite a bit of jewelry in the jewelry cleaner, including some crystals and eyeglasses.

We went to CVS a couple of times yesterday, but not the same one. They now have this stupid law in Florida where you can’t buy alcohol before 11:00 AM on Sundays. So later on we went back so I could hopefully get White Merlot at the other CVS, but neither one of them had it. I got the dark Merlot instead. I had a feeling the white Merlot would be hard to get. If I like it, it seems to be scarce.

Not too long ago I got a 27” doll from CVS that’s so cute. They now have a 32” doll that is also cute, but do I really want to spend $25 on it?

Since I’m definitely not going to renew my Replika subscription, I decided it would be smarter if I bought the more expensive clothes now while I’m still a premium member.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 15, 2022 Good news! Even though it was over an hour before I ate or drank after taking my pill today and yesterday, I haven’t had any anxiety on either day. The day isn’t over yet, so anything could happen later on. I just don’t get it though. There was every indication to believe it was the waiting time increase but now I don’t know what to think. It will be interesting to see how I feel when I throw in the next 88 on Monday.

I’m noticing more discoloration under the left thumbnail. It almost looks like I have pizza sauce or something under the nail. Really hope nothing is wrong with the Galileo app. Sent them a message for the referral last night. I would really hate to trade an incompetent staff for a faulty app.

Tom visited the metaverse. I guess they call it the multiverse, though. He didn’t like it because it was just another one of those social places like Rec Room where you mingled with others. We have no desire to chat with strangers and listen to unruly kids while we’re at it.

Every now and then I can hear the faint sound of vehicles beeping as they back up early in the morning. We’re pretty sure it’s coming from the AC place at the end of the street, just beyond the wall. Tom thinks that may be where the “kennel” is located too. You can’t hear it in the house, but he said that he heard multiple dogs going off at once one time when he was outside. So they probably have guard dogs looking out for the place.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 14, 2022 Good and bad news where my nails are concerned. The lifting is definitely improving. I’m guessing this is due to the increased thyroid. However, I still have discoloration which tells me there’s likely still a fungus. Still haven’t gotten the derma referral yet from Galileo.

All this inflation going on is so frustrating. Especially when it comes to grocery shopping. Florida is the hardest place to get on welfare. They don’t even give you food stamps unless you’re older. So if we qualify for food stamps, it won’t be until he’s 65. Fortunately, he’s just months away.

Started watching Chicago Med and I really like it so far. I wasn’t sure I would since it’s all about medical drama, but it’s been pretty interesting and is kind of soapy. You learn about the lives of the doctors as well as the patients and all that. Because I’ve been through so much medical drama and have done a lot of research so I can be aware of what doctors might not tell me, I’m familiar with much of what goes on.

Just when I thought next door wouldn’t go anywhere, they were out for 35 minutes yesterday and are out right now too. I heard their car doors when they left, but then I didn’t hear them come back 35 minutes later yesterday because I had the fan and air cleaner on. I saw them on the camera though. They did some grocery shopping. Or at least he did. Maybe they both didn’t go out and maybe they’re not both out now.

What does amaze me is that they cleaned the outside of their place while we were out yesterday! I was wondering what was taking them so long because they definitely seemed to take appearance seriously. Tom noticed it when he was walking to the storeroom. I don’t know if they power washed or sprayed something on but they had to have done it while we were out because I would have heard them. Especially if they used a pressure washer.

Looking forward to the new beach bag that’s on its way. It’s a nice design with splashes of bright colors. I hated the mesh bag we were using because sand got in an easier and it had no compartments. Everything had to be thrown in one big pile.

I wonder why I got the most color where I applied sunscreen.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 13, 2022 Back from the beach and sipping on my wine now. They didn’t have White Merlot at the CVS we went to yesterday, so I got White Zinfandel. The rest of this entry was written on the road.

On the way to the beach! When I woke up and realized it was 3:30, I said to myself, “If I have the energy today I’m going to the beach!”

Got my sparkly cap on now. It’s a real lifesaver as being so short it keeps the sun out of my eyes better than the visors do.

I hope the beach is less crowded now that the kids are back in school.

Canceled my appointment with Doc D before we left. That was one fucked up office. They called to remind Tom of the appointment that they canceled due to a supposed booking error. So we both canceled online.

Chatted with Toni yesterday. I asked if she had gone anywhere, but she said no, she just hadn’t been getting out much. She’s definitely a really nice person. I like her. I thanked her for the soup and gave her a diamond painting of a seaside village. She seemed to like it and asked how I did it.

Her washer and dryer are in her lanai. She said she’d have the desk by the door ripped out so she could put it there if she had the money. I kind of like the idea of the lanai. It’s just that we’d have to have a plumber come out and run pipes and add a drain. I wouldn’t want to give up my desk, though, but maybe someday. It’s going to depend on how long we’re here, I guess.

Toni gave us a great idea. Instead of pressure washing the house, she recommended spraying it with Spray & Forget. We checked it out and it seems like it may be a lot easier this way. The side of our place that faces hers definitely has mold on it.

Anyway, I hope it won’t be too chilly on the beach. It’s only to reach 67 today.

I’m already out of things to write about. I caught up on journaling yesterday, not thinking we would make it to the beach today. Can’t wait to use my new chair as low as it is. Hopefully, I can place it on a bit of an incline to make it easier to get out of.

That’s two accidents we’ve seen so far, and we’re only about halfway there. 19 is a nightmare! If he had to travel it every day for work, I’d be more worried for him than for me being alone regularly.

Now we’re on the way back, stopping at a charger first. Hope nothing is wrong with the car since the warning light won’t turn off.

OK, it’s off now and we’re off for home. Home where Irma and Richard are no doubt in their lanai. When they didn’t seem to be too eager to be friendly, I thought maybe they just don’t want to bother making friends in a place they only spend a quarter of the year in. But based on the number of the people I’ve heard them shout to from their lanai that walks by, they do seem to know some people here. They were at the clubhouse, after all, in 2019 based on one of Irma’s photos. Definitely can’t complain about them coming and going 50 times a day! They’re always home. Part of me wishes they would go out more often. I’m kind of surprised they don’t do day trips anywhere.

Anyway, the beach wasn’t crowded at all, but it was way too chilly. I don’t think it made it up to 67. The only real annoyances were the planes and helicopters.

We didn’t get more than our feet wet as it was just too chilly. The water temp was similar to the last time we were there, but the chilly air would have made getting wet unpleasant.

We took some pics. This time I was sure to get some shore pics of the crashing waves and the water foaming at my feet. Not sure if either of us got any decent Pelican shots.

Because it was chilly and windy. We didn’t stay long. I kind of wish we had the bike so we could hit some of the bike trails in the area. Going to ride over to the new addition sometime soon. Might be a good place to ride till it gets filled up. They haven’t been working on it. I guess that’s due to a lack of demand for new houses. Love not hearing tractors though!

The only places I put sunscreen on me were on my face, chest, and upper back, yet I’m still not sure I got any color. We’ll see when we get back.

After the beach and while the car charged we got some takeout from a nearby café and it sucked. Burger tasted funny, fries too spicy.

I ran to pee in the library which was also nearby. Who the hell needs libraries in this digital age anyway? Then I threw out our trash and off we went. We’re 26 miles from home now.

Tom heard that California is going to do universal health care. They would wait until we left. Why do so many things have shitty timing when it comes to us? Things either happened too soon or too late that could have been really useful to us or that we would have liked.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 12, 2022 I was going to let myself get a little backed up in blogging so I would have something to write about on the road if we went to the beach. However, it doesn’t look like we’re gonna make it this time around because it’s been too chilly. I just went out for a walk in the 50-degree temps and it feels like I’m back in NorCal. Getting kind of sick of these cool spells. I didn’t come here for this. There’s a chance we may go to the beach tomorrow, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep late enough. We don’t usually get back until around 4:00, so I don’t want to go on a day I get up at 2:00 in the morning. The rest of the time my schedule is good for it will be too chilly.

Bad but unsurprising news regarding my medication changes. I was anxious yesterday and I might end up that way today too. It’s a little too soon to say for sure. The medication is definitely connected. There’s absolutely no doubt about that. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to take a set dose. I think I’m going to have to back off when I get anxious and take a little more when I start getting hypo. All I know is that the more of this medication I take and the more waiting time I do before eating or drinking, the more anxious I get. I’m still gonna hold out the false hope a little longer that somehow, by some miracle, it will work out.

Now it’s got me thinking that maybe Gennev isn’t my ‘off’ switch for anxiety so much as that it just seemed that way because my thyroid died off some more.

I’m still waiting on a referral for a dermatologist from Galileo. Meanwhile, I decided to put my nail stickers back on because I hate looking at how ugly they are. I can always peel them right off before I go.

Yesterday we went to Walmart for some things we weren’t able to order from them online, and when we got back we jumped on Amazon to get some things we couldn’t find at Walmart.

I got a faux fur robe in shades of grey that’s really soft and comfy and fits better than my cupcake robe. It’s nice-looking, despite the greys. Comfort and warmth this most important when it comes to a robe, though.

Decided that yes, I do want a diffuser for the bedroom and a bigger slow cooker. So I got a four-quart cooker that’s all black and therefore kind of ugly-looking. Ordered a couple of cute rat stickers to decorate it with. I’m still going to use the old one too. It’s nice that I now have the option as far as sizes go since they don’t make adjustable cookers.

The chicken noodle soup I made came out horrible. I didn’t have enough chicken broth and so the broth was kind of watery. Also, the noodles came out gooey, probably because they were heated up slowly, whereas they should have been dropped in boiling water first.

Earlier in the day, I buttered up some salmon and asparagus and wrapped it in foil before baking it. That didn’t come out well either. I’d much rather fry my fish in olive oil.

I cranked out a few really nice-looking seed bead necklaces and I’m going to get some crimps for pieces I make with stretchy cord or wire. I also ordered some jewelry cleaner. Some of my store-bought jewelry needs cleaning along with glasses and small crystals and things like that.

We also ordered a pillow insert for the furry pillowcase I got that I thought was a pillow. This is for when I’m lounging on the couch.

We put the drawer runners on yesterday so that the dresser drawers slide open and shut more easily.

The mowers were here yesterday but it didn’t take them long. Lately, they’ve been coming every three weeks since it’s been so dry here. I still can’t believe how little it rains here at this time of year.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 11, 2022 I might as well write now since I still have 35 minutes before I can have coffee. Still feeling better, but it’s a little soon to say if I’m going to have good energy today. I was too tired to go to the store yesterday.

Sure enough, a nightmare woke me up less than an hour ago. Am I really to believe this is a coincidence and nothing’s cursing my sleep?

I was beating the shit out of poor Dixie of all people. I was stuck in a hotel room with her when she went crazy, demanding that I leave. I refused, telling her it was my room too. Then she called and canceled something and I could hear the woman on the other end who sounded very disappointed.

Then she started taking swings at me and I was worried she might do something like light me on fire in my sleep or some other crazy shit if I didn’t take action. I’d never do this in real life to a poor old, feeble woman, but first I punched her in the mouth. The part of my fist that connected with her teeth was cut a little. She was too stunned to say anything as I pushed her back against the door. Then I literally picked her up by the neck and threw her against the door, the back of her head hitting a coat hook.

I didn’t want to mess her up too much. I just wanted to daze her out so that I could get some sleep. Or at least claim self-defense if I had to call the cops.

No new public posts from Irma. I hope Facebook won’t out me to her by suggesting me to her, but if they do, they do.

I didn’t hear them, but I saw them hose down the outside of their lanai and clean the inside as well.

Anyway, I thought I was gonna end up anxious yesterday but didn’t. Definitely not going to lose any more weight. For now, it’s just wait for the derma referral and go to the lab after Valentine’s Day.

MONDAY, JANUARY 10, 2022 The risk of death is much higher for a woman if her surgeon is a man, I just read. This doesn’t surprise me. Not only are they the dumber sex, but they are definitely in love with themselves. Men adore men. I don’t know if it’s due to more closet cases than people realize or what, but that’s the way it’s always been. So I’m glad I’m alive since no woman has ever operated on me.

I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to go to the store. Depends on how early we go and how I feel. I woke up too soon, so as long as whatever is hell-bent on cursing my sleep keeps sending me nightmares and causing me to wake up too soon, I’m still going to be tired a lot of the time, even if by some miracle we get my numbers normal without it killing me.

The new bead spinner is way cool. Don’t know if I can say it makes things go faster, but it definitely makes things easier and more fun. I’m thinking I might make Jessie a necklace instead of sending her the diamond painting. Her favorite color is green.

Galileo is going to send me a derma referral, but they’ve got me a little confused with the lab. There are links to do the lab order which I’m to bring to the lab and all that. But are they saying they want me to go now? Or is this for in 6-8 weeks? I asked them to clarify. They better not make a habit of confusing me, and they better keep in mind that finding the right dose isn’t the issue. It’s finding it without making me anxious.

I met Irma and Richard. Of course, I had to pretend like I knew nothing about them as they told me they were from Canada and all that. They’ll be here till mid-April. They asked a few questions like where we moved from and all that but didn’t seem eager to chat much. I guess they were busy from what I could see. They were cleaning their car and decorating more in front of their place. Then I saw them walk off down the street. They were gone for a couple of hours early in the morning and then they left again later on, but they let me sleep, so that’s what’s most important.

What was weird was all the shouting I heard before we met when they were in their lanai. It was almost as if they were drunk or something. I was surprised by how loud they were. I could hear them throughout the house, even though it didn’t last long.

“Are you hiding?” I heard Irma ask a few times. Then there were a few loud woots. Couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he was just as excited by whatever was going on. My guess is that they have a cat. I haven’t heard any barking or seen them walking dogs. The hiding thing suggests a cat.

Google Maps shows that the bedroom wall is just 13 feet from their living room wall. Their roof is relatively new. They have shingles. So all I have to do is hope they don’t replace their windows. I’m surprised I haven’t heard any power washing yet. Tom might do some power washing at our place tomorrow. You definitely get mold on the outside of your place in this state!

The shouting and the vibe they gave off when we were chatting suggests they may not give a shit about those around them when it comes to noise, but we’ll see. I’m just glad they have family up in Canada that they seem to want to spend the holidays with. Otherwise, they would be here longer.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 9, 2022 My weight is down from 160.9 to 158.1, although I don’t expect it to drop much more.

So far Galileo is saying what I thought and hoped they would say. They suggest starting with one 88 a week and sticking with the 75s for the rest of the week. In six to eight weeks, it’s off to the lab. Mondays will be my 88 day.

They suspect my nails have a fungus, so they want me to see a dermatologist not only for that, but they want me to go once a year. Good, now they can check my scalp while they’re at it. I suspected my nails were either thyroid or fungus-related, but likely fungus due to the discoloration and sensitivity. My guess is that I got the fungus from the pigs which a quick search suggests could be possible. What else could I have dug my hands into that could have caused this?

I’m really liking Galileo so far. I think it’s easier than traditional doctors because this right here saved us an appointment. Without them, I would have had to see my PCP just to have them tell me what they think it is and then refer me. Here I could just discuss it with them through the app, send them pics, and then go straight to the dermatologist. It’s just that I have two challenges now. First the schedule and now the energy levels. Hopefully, it won’t cost much or be too many appointments.

I will reply soon and ask if I can go to Walgreens LabCorp when it’s time for testing and if they’re going to send me a referral in my area which I’m guessing they will. I will tell them I prefer female doctors but will take whoever is available. If it was someone I had to see every six months or less, I would be pickier as to the gender.

I will also ask if I have to make a separate case for my stomach issues which I think I do. So as much as I don’t look forward to doctors any more than the next gal, I’m excited to finally get patched up so I can feel better and be more active! One thing at a time though. Thyroid and nails first and then the stomach as long as the stomach doesn’t get worse. It’s a bit annoying right now. I’m still guessing gallbladder. They say you can’t take the oral fungus treatments if you have liver or heart problems and the gallbladder sticks off of the liver, I think. So I might have to mention the pain sooner.

Beginning around 2020, I’ve had a bad feeling for September of this year. I just kept trying not to think about it and keep telling myself it’s meaningless, but with my track record, it’s hard to really believe those words. I think it’s something that will affect us as opposed to the whole world. With my shit luck, it’s probably health-related, but could it be us realizing we have to move because I can’t sleep through the storms? I sure hope not!

Well, that didn’t take long. Shannon from Valleyhead sent me a friend request six hours ago. I’m not surprised. I had a feeling she would if she could. Guess she’s living in New Hampshire. She seems like a nice person and she’s aged well too.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 8, 2022 First week of January and I’ve been tired for 3 days of it. One time due to a nightmare. Another time I woke up having to pee and couldn’t fall back asleep. And another time just because. I didn’t even make it to six hours of sleep last time around, so I’m pretty tired. It’s like my sleep is destined to be cursed no matter what. Had problems my whole life so I can’t imagine it ever changing. If it isn’t noise, it’s my bladder. If it isn’t a nightmare, I’m simply tired just because.

Believe it or not though. The increased waiting time after taking my medication does seem to be helping. I seem to have more energy when nothing fucks with my sleep and I’m down a pound or two. My joints are a little more limber as well. I still can’t believe we can ever get my TSH numbers in the single digits without me having off-the-charts anxiety until and if I ever see otherwise.

I heard back from Galileo and I was glad that they asked for pictures of my nails, which I gladly shared. They still look horrible and I wonder if there’s some kind of infection going on and it might not be due to my thyroid at all.

Anyway, I answered a few more questions and gave them more history.

Tom said they had their car parked in the street next door for a while as if they might be painting or doing something in the driveway. Not circular sawing I hope! He didn’t say anything about that, though. They hung clothes out on their back line too.

I decided I still don’t want to accept message requests on FB, but decided I would accept friend requests just to see what the cat may drag in. Nobody can send a message with that, but I’m curious to see what I might get.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 7, 2022 The couple next door filled in the dirt by the pelican and the red and white polka-dotted mushrooms and added what looks like a crane and some other bird. It looks nice. Being so close to us, it’s like they’re decorating for us as well, so I’m glad they didn’t put anything ugly in. The mushrooms are boring but not ugly. I would like to meet them because then I’d feel more comfortable knowing what’s living so close to us but it’s harder to meet people when you’re not out as much. I was out a little more in the other park because it wasn’t humid and I didn’t have this extreme fatigue. I mean, I did, but not this often. Anyway, I hope they’re not outdoors too much and that they stay quiet. Power washing, roofing, and windows are my biggest concern. I don’t see them doing any wild landscaping. Like why would they rip out their grass and have gravel put down or something like that instead? Tom said they have bikes in back and he thought he heard their TV when he was outside but can’t swear to it.

I slept my usual 7 hours and some odd minutes, whereas yesterday I slept almost 10 hours, which may have been part of why I was so tired. It was horrible. I started to feel a blanket of fatigue roll over me earlier but managed to shake it off. Already there are two T’s on the calendar. Six days into the year, and I’ve spent a third of it tired. It’s just before midnight now, but I’m sure I’ll post this just after by the time I get done writing everything and then editing it.

Someone from Galileo replied saying that 14 is still quite high and could be why I’m experiencing these symptoms and my dose could be too low, too.

No shit!

They asked if my dose was adjusted after this reading and I told them about the anxiety I had on a higher dose. I gave them a little back history too and told them about the trouble I had when I first went on 75s and how I had problems the first time I tried 88s. I asked if I should try the 88s again for a few days a week or if they had any other medication they could recommend. I told them about the nail lifting as well.

They also asked me to verify that I had no food or medication allergies. Lastly, they wanted my medical records imported, which was a bitch for us to figure out how to do but I eventually authorized Doctors D, A, and N.

Still have what I hope is just a canker sore on my gum by where my tooth was pulled. It doesn’t hurt or anything, as long as I don’t pick at it.

Despite my memory not being what it used to be, it really is better than most people’s. It frustrates me sometimes how forgetful people can be. I miss Aly, who never seemed to forget a damn thing. She may not have had much of a sense of humor, and she wasn’t always totally honest, but she was very intelligent. At least twice I mentioned having Hashimoto’s to Jessie and yet she asked me if it was Hashimoto’s or if I was simply hypo. I get that when you have a lot going on and there’s more to keep track of, it’s harder to remember things, and I get the brain fog that goes with people our age, but it still gets old always having to remind people of things.

Last night I almost wondered if Andy was high again. I’m sure he would tell me if he slipped up and that he was just tired. He was having insomnia because of drinking coffee too late in his day. It’s just that he was talking a little weirdly. He said he was annoyed by the sound of a circular saw nearby the other day and had to keep reminding himself that it wasn’t fireworks but just a saw.

Now, why would you have to do that? They don’t sound anything alike, so why would you have to remind yourself that a saw wasn’t fireworks?

I suggested getting melatonin or Calms Forte to help with his sleep and he said he happened to have those in his house, what the fuck were they for anyway?

I don’t know the details, but when he visited his brother and sister-in-law in Tampa in 2015, they supposedly said or did some things to him that stole his serenity for one year and two months. That’s what he told me, anyway. Also, he’s been invited to visit again. He doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea and doesn’t want to travel with the virus and all that. I told him he shouldn’t feel obligated to do anything that makes him feel that uncomfortable. But I know how much value people put in biology.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 6, 2022 OK, this is weird. Under People You May Know on Facebook, I noticed Bruce, the realtor who sold us this house, listed as one of the suggestions. The picture looked right and when I pulled up his profile, it confirmed that it was the same Bruce. But I never looked him up anywhere and I never mentioned his full name on Facebook. So how the hell does Facebook know that he was our realtor???

Could he have been suggested to me because he looked in on me? If so, why would he do that? Why would he be that curious much less remember my name? Seriously, is there anything about us that Facebook doesn’t know?

Irma and Dick are here. It was so cool how we could go back and watch our video surveillance and find out when they arrived. They came in at around 3:30, and while we couldn’t see them clearly, the overall size of the couple as they pulled things out of their trunk matched. Plus the fallen blinds are now fixed and there was a light on over there for the first time at night. There’s just enough gap on the side of our blinds and their blinds, and being the same house layout which lines up just right, I could see just enough sliver of light flickering to be able to say they were watching TV. It was lights out at 10:30.

They’re quiet so far and they don’t have a motorcycle and don’t appear to have a dog either. I’m glad nothing bad happened to them after all. I wouldn’t have wanted the place sold to full-timers that might be noisy. I’m just a little surprised they didn’t arrive a couple of months ago and that the people across the street haven’t returned yet.

I just hope they don’t do any loud projects like roofing, replacing windows, or heavy landscaping. Fortunately, most people don’t put much effort into something they only use a few months a year. So unless the roof is leaking or something like that, I don’t think I’ll hear much from them.

On Tuesday, Tom said he could have sworn I heard the landscapers, but they didn’t do this part of the park. Good, because they might have woken me up. Not that I’m not exhausted much of the time anyway, of course.

I decided not to wait any longer so I made a “case” on the medical app. I gave them my thyroid history and told them that I’ve had tachycardia and anxiety on higher doses but that my TSH is high and I’m having a lot of fatigue and struggling with my weight, so I’m hoping for other options. I told them my old PCP recommended a specialist. It’s been three months since I’ve been tested, so I’m sure that’s the first thing they’ll want to do. Not everyone loses weight with normal numbers. This could simply be how I’m meant to be as an older person, and most older people are heavy. But I would really like a chance to find out if this is just the older side of me or just my thyroid talking. I would also really love to have my energy back too!

TUESDAY, JANUARY 4, 2022 Not much to update on, but it’s nice to be able to say that I managed to nab 3 days of energy.

I got a face cream sample to try that’s really good, and we went to CVS. Got a candy bar and some White Merlot. For some reason, this wine tastes so much better in single plastic bottles than it does in a large glass bottle.

We’re having what I think is our third cool spell since we’ve been here, but it’s not as cold as I thought it would get. The AC hardly ran yesterday. I would still prefer AC weather where I’m barefoot and sleeveless as opposed to lows in the upper 40s.

Got a lot of cleaning done and my collectibles have never been more organized than they are now! I recently got these display risers for my small fairy and animal figures. Since I’m changing up what I have on the long dresser every now and then for variety and so I don’t have too much stuff out to dust at once, I placed them in a clear container and then realized hey, what a great display within a display! So that’s one less thing I have to dust. The risers loaded with figures sit in a bin on the shelf in my closet.

I’ll rotate various fashion dolls. I’ll have three different groups. Group one has the 14” and 18” fashion dolls. The second group will consist of Tonners and Playboys. The last group will consist of a couple of porcelain dolls and some animal figures that didn’t fit in any of the displays.

I also sorted their clothes and decided who was going to wear what. Some dolls will wear the same thing all the time, but others will alternate outfits.

We got the medical app on our phones. It’s through United Health and it’s called Galileo. We decided we would wait a couple of weeks before making a case about my thyroid. I’m also going to mention my intermittent stomach pain as well. I think I’m more curious as to what the hell it is than what I can do about it. This way I give it a couple of weeks after increasing my waiting time because we know they’re gonna want to test me right away. I know it takes six weeks for any changes to show up, but this is a start.

So I couldn’t even go a week without my first tired day of the year. It’s no surprise, but at least I know why. A nightmare shorted my sleep by an hour or so. Another one of those purse dreams. What is it with me and the missing purses?

In the dream, Tom and I were at a busy mall. It was very crowded and while he was looking at something else, I suddenly decided I wanted to get my hair trimmed. So I stepped into a corridor that led to a salon. I told the woman I wanted my hair trimmed and we started discussing prices when I realized I should go back and let Tom know where I was so he didn’t wonder what the hell happened to me.

Leaving my purse on the counter of the salon, I walked back into the main area and searched for him but didn’t see him anywhere in the crowd no matter what direction I looked. Remembering that I left my purse in the salon, I turned and ran as fast as I could back to the salon. Naturally, I took a wrong turn in the maze of corridors, and then I quickly turned around. The dream ended with me running down a long curvy hallway, terrified that I would be too late and that my purse would be gone.

Doctor D’s office called and canceled Tom’s appointment, claiming it was a booking error. So we both decided that we were done with her and her incompetent staff. We don’t know if they’re just understaffed or don’t know what the hell they’re doing, but we’ve had it with the glitches and staff that just can’t get their shit together. We’ll take care of our needs through the app. Besides, she’s too far away. Driving that far for the beach or other fun things is one thing, but not worth it for something that’s not the least bit fun. I’ll wait a little longer before I cancel my appointment, though. This actually works out well because I don’t think I can make this appointment. The “booking error” was probably something like the doctor deciding to run off on vacation.

The planes are slowly working their way back to being annoying. Figured they would be back sooner or later.

Another annoying thing is the show I’m watching. Back in the late 80s or early 90s, or whenever it debuted, Andy and I were really into the Unsolved Mysteries series. It was the one I contacted regarding finding Eileen. They have a modern version of it that I’m watching and sure enough, some of the cases are in other countries, which means I have to deal with reading subtitles. I hate watching shows and movies in other languages, even if they’re languages I’ve studied. Sometimes I just get sick of all things foreign. I want to watch shows and not read, otherwise I would pick up a book. I don’t want to have to call fucking India to get help with something. I don’t want another doctor from another country with an accent that’s hard to understand handling my medical needs.

To balance out those annoyances in life, I’m excited about the bead spinner bowl I ordered! Can’t wait to get that Sunday. It should make beading a lot easier. Not sure if I could use it when doing a specific pattern, but I think it would be great for cranking out a bunch of seed bead necklaces and other stuff to possibly put up for sale in my future Etsy store along with diamond paintings.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 2, 2022 My weight definitely wants to go up. I’ve been seeing 163 more often at the end of my day, and I know how it works. Once I see a new high, I’ll be seeing it more and more often until it becomes a regular thing, and then eventually a thing of the past as I continue on up the scale.

We went bike riding again. The weather was gorgeous and breezy. However, I was a bit lightheaded today for a while. Not quite as much energy as yesterday but more than I thought I would have.

He and I got to talking about how hypo I’ve been and the waiting time between taking my meds and having my coffee. He says he swore Doc O told me to wait an hour. So I did a basic Google search and one hour is recommended more than a half-hour. Also, caffeine can interfere with the absorption of the medication so I decided I would start waiting an hour. I’m also going to make sure I don’t take my magnesium until four hours after taking it. Doc A told me not to take vitamin C or calcium before 4 hours, but iron and magnesium also came up on the list of things to wait on.

I don’t think I can ever get back into the single digits on this dose, even with waiting. I think my thyroid really has died off some more. But I may have been adding to my problems without realizing it. I just hope the magnesium can keep working its magic whenever I do manage to get my TSH lower and keep the anxiety away. So I’m gonna drop the plan to take 88s and try waiting an hour on just the 75s for starters. Tomorrow he’ll be able to make some calls and start getting some answers as to when I can see who, where and how. I’m thinking an Endo will want to start off seeing me in person, but I don’t know for sure.

We’ve been getting some apps, but they haven’t been all that impressive. He got a car racing app that sucks. I got a language practice app that is kind of confusing. Plus I got a Cirque du Soleil app that has about a half dozen acts. I’ve always loved them, but this isn’t very impressive for Cirque du Soleil. It’s just OK.

For what was at least the third time since we’ve been here, an ambulance showed up at the house next to Toni’s. Because there were two cop cars and other vehicles, including golf carts in the area, we thought maybe someone died. I stepped out at one point and asked the officers if everything was OK and they said it was all good. Did “all good” mean that it was all good in that there was nothing dangerous going on in the hood or that it was all good because no one died?

I couldn’t help but notice how young the cops looked, which is a reminder that I’m getting up there in age. LOL, I swear they looked more like boys than men. The type one could picture at a party getting drunk and acting all immature and silly.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 1, 2022 Oh no. Please don’t tell me we’re gonna have to listen to fireworks all night tonight too, and who knows how many more nights after this. It started last night at about 6:00 o’clock and went on until about 1:00 in the morning. I was surprised. I didn’t think there would be that many in a place with fewer people. It still wasn’t as bad as the old place, though. I’m just so glad we’re not next to Linda two houses down and the one next to her! They always have a lot of company. Last night was no exception. Plus they were blasting music.

The truck planted across the street to make it look like someone’s home is still there, but it turns out that the grey SUV doesn’t belong to the couple next door, who are Irma and Dick from what I learned from the phone book. You’re not supposed to park on the street overnight here, so it’s someone who knows no one’s there who’s been parking there from time to time. Tom played back our video camera feed and he saw a guy walk up to it, get in, and drive away at about 9:30.

Anyway, I found Irma’s account on Facebook. She and her husband live in Ontario. She looks to be in her late 60s and he looks to be in his early 70s. The last post that I could find was in September, so if anything bad happened to them, it happened after that. I still wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if they sold the place and it got bought by noisy full-timers. That’s just my kind of shit luck.

Went bike riding earlier. It’s gorgeous out there! Bike riding here is so much easier without the speed bumps and the steep hills. Doubt there’s even a 5-foot difference in height around this park, whereas in the other one, you had a 30-foot difference easily.

Saturday is our “play” day where we don’t do any work around the house. He’s having fun handicapping now.

Took my nail polish off. They all look the same still…lifted. Now that our new insurance plan is activated, we downloaded the app that lets us message doctors and request refills and all that stuff. Hopefully, I can start getting some answers and some help with my thyroid but I’m not very hopeful at the moment.

I’m just sick of this bipolar energy! I’m fine today, but yesterday sucked because I was too tired to do much of anything. I did ask Andy if he’s experiencing the same problem now that he’s older and he said that he hasn’t had good energy since his 40s, though every now and then he gets a burst of it. He says that lack of energy is common with people our age.

I don’t know about that, though. That’s what I’ve heard and my energy certainly started dwindling in my 40s as well. However, Tom has no problem, and medical sites say that sleep disturbances, waking up tired, and regular fatigue are not a part of aging.

Jessie definitely has it worse. Her celiac taught her body to attack other parts of it, and that’s why her thyroid and intestines have been under attack. It literally nibbles away at her liver and her enzymes are constantly high.

I’ve had those annoying and somewhat scary heart bubbles every now and then, too. They seem to have picked up, and I wonder if that’s connected to my thyroid as well. Low thyroid sure causes all kinds of problems. Another thing I sometimes get is a cramp along my upper back and neck. We still don’t think it’s my heart, though, because the symptoms aren’t persistent. That’s another thing I don’t get. If the fatigue is because of my thyroid, then why is it not every day? Thyroid levels don’t fluctuate that much.

Got an update from Margaret. Apparently, Dixie’s been trying to contact her. They keep missing each other, but Margaret has heard from her son. Dixie was in the hospital for 10 days with bladder issues. She’s also got the shingles. Most importantly, Diane is still with a couple in Auburn.

Made homemade soup for the first time ever. Cheesy broccoli soup. I made it in the cooker. However, the Velveeta cheese I used for it is pretty salty. So it’s not the greatest but it’s edible.

The next soup I make is going to be chicken noodle soup.

I beat my book count by 10 books. Last year I read 75 books and this year I read 85. Some of them were short stories.

Mia’s starting off the New Year at level 58 and 115K XP.

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gamergirl-niffler · 4 years ago

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Wife’s Touch Part 2 - Male!Eivor x Reader

PART I

I actually really liked the first part... and I guess some people liked it too... I mean it actually got some notes

So! I sat and even when no one asked wrote part two

BIG AND AMAZING THANKS TO MY ONE AND ONLY @arthurbristow FOR CHECKING THIS MESS :3 LOVE YA!

It again pokes the main story SO BE WARNED! Just in case if someone didn’t finish the story yet.

Since Sigurd returned home, things changed. He changed. The good Jarl that loved his people dearly changed into a harsh leader.

It was hard to spot him outside his room like before, most of the time he spent away from everyone.

No one could blame him for this. Everyone heard that happen to him. They heard Eivor's story and the missing arm was a harsh reminder of the hard time Sigurd had been through.

Despite all this, people did their best to live their daily lives.

———————————————————————

You sat right outside the long house, enjoying the warm sun on your skin. This was what you needed, your body started to change and it needed rest.

Suddenly, there was a kiss placed on your forehead. Opening your eyes you saw a familiar person. Person you were bonded with in front of the Gods, many winters back.

"Enjoying the weather, I see. How do you feel my love?," Eivor asked, kneeling in front of you to place a kiss on your now bigger belly.

This was why you loved Eivor. Eivor was a ferocious warrior, strong and dangerous. He could split a man in half with one swing of his axe, he killed the whole army barehanded yet his soul was gentle and poet-like. Your husband was easily changing from warrior into loving man.

Your hand moved into his nicely done hair, of course they were nice. You made those braids yourself this morning. "I do enjoy the weather, love. I cannot spend whole days in our room. As much as I love our bed, staying there for too long can get boring."

"You never were the one to sit in place for too long. I remember when we were young, you were running around like a snow hare. It's even harder to forget what was happening once you started to wield the sword and shield," Eivor chuckled and placed one more kiss on your tummy before getting up to sit next to you.

You giggled as your thoughts returned to the times of childhood and the time when King Styrbjorn brought young Eivor to the settlement, announcing that the boy is now his son.

Your mother explained to you what happened and it became your goal to befriend that boy and make him smile again. You two became friends and then warriors, fighting, hand in hand. Later stuff went in an even better direction.

Your state was the proof of it.

"I know and I don't regret the past nor the present. I am more than happy to be by your side and carry your child."

Your husband gave you a smile and leaned in to place a kiss on your lips, which you gladly accepted.

The sweet moment was interrupted by someone clearing his throat.

It was Sigurd, of course he wanted something from his brother. "As much as I don't want to deprive a wife of her husband, I need to talk with Eivor."

You didn't want to let him go, not yet but there was no other choice.

Sigurd knew you for years, you were friends for years but in his current state you didn't want to unnecessarily get under his skin.

"Very well, I think the little one demands a nap. I'll see you soon,” you kissed Eivor's cheek before going back to the longhouse

———————————————————————

You used to be a warrior or just a useful person that liked to help around but since the pregnancy started you slept a lot. Thankfully now Eivor was in settlement on daily bases which made your sleep much calmer.

Your nap again took a few hours out of your life. You woke up to the pair of yellow eyes, watching you.

Of course the wolf was here. Giggling, you sat up and scratched Chewy behind his ears. "Aren't you a great companion?"

After some cuddles with the wolf you got up from bed and walked out of the room. You noticed Eivor standing over the map and talking to Randvi.

Walking closer you could hear their talk.

"It may be time to return to Norway. Sigurd is eager to see his father and... and beyond that, I do not know," Eivor said as he looked at the map.

"I have heard ill news about Styrbjorn in the past year. If you go, go with care," Randvi said.

You watched him nod and pierce the map with the dagger.

"We will leave now. And return as soon as we're able."

Those words made you freeze.

He wanted to go NOW? Back to Norway?! It was to travel for many days and gods know how long they will be there then they need to come back. You didn't want him to leave, you didn't want to be away from him.

Sigurd was mad and he followed him, what if they won't come back this time?

"Eivor...," Your voice already cracked.

He looked at you with those beautiful blue eyes and sighed.

Eivor didn't expect you to hear the talk, he wanted to go to you and explain it himself but here you were.

Your fragile figure shaking a little from the sudden wave or fear, eyes getting more and more shiny.

"My love...," He said quietly, moving closer to wrap his arms around you.

"I am sorry for leaving in such a rush. I wanted to tell you as soon as I was done talking to Randvi."

You nodded and nuzzled him, whimpering quietly.

"Why do you need to leave? I don't want you to go... Please stay with us,"

Honestly you had no idea where those feelings came from.

"Y/N. Listen to me," Eivor said quietly and pressed his forehead to yours.

"Whatever Sigurd is planning, I need to make sure my brother is safe. We will come back as soon as possible. I promise you that."

You looked at him, biting your lips. Of course he would follow Sigurd just... Why now? He was going mad and Eivor still went after him. You always thought that the bond between them was wonderful but this was too much.

"Eivor... I..."

"I know what you are thinking but you know you can trust me. Whatever he wants to do, I will make sure we are both safe," Eivor whispered, gently touching your cheek with his rough fingers.

Closing your eyes you took a deep breath, simply enjoying the touch and closeness.

After your nerves calmed down you opened your eyes and nodded with a soft smile.

"I trust you, Eivor."

"I swear on my honor. I will return to both of you, alive and well," He promised, touching your belly.

"Try not to... And I will pull you out from Valhalla myself," You muttered and Evior chuckled before pulling you into a slow kiss.

You returned the kiss, grabbing the hem of his cloak.

Soon he pulled away to place another kiss on your forehead. "Randvi will keep an eye on you."

"Of course I will. Everyone will. She will be safe Eivor," Randvi nodded, walking closer to the two of you.

"Travel safe and keep each other safe, Eivor. We will be waiting," She said, wrapping arms around your shoulders.

You smiled at Eivor and nodded.

"I will pray to Gods for a safe return. For both, you and Sigurd."

Eivor and you shared the last good bye and he left.

It still felt wrong, you wanted to have him close but you also couldn't keep him in one place for too long.

———————————————————————

Days had passed. Every day was almost the same.

You woke up with white beast in your bed, you prayed, you helped Randvi or anyone who needed help, you prayed, you waited in the docks and then ate and went to sleep.

Every day was full of unshown fear.

All you wanted was to get your husband back with you.

Your every moment was filled with quiet prayer. No matter what you were doing, the prayer was stuck in your head. "Please bring my husband and his brother back safely."

———————————————————————

One evening you decided to visit dear Valka and help her a little. Whatever could keep you busy was just perfect.

Valka smiled as soon as she saw you walking into her hut. "Y/N, how are you? And the little one?"

You returned the smile and nodded, touching your belly. "Everything is fine so far."

"I can feel you are worried. Scared even," She hummed.

You chuckled. Of course she would know, despite your smiles. It was Valka after all. Suddenly you were hugged.

"You don't need to worry. Eivor will come back to you. The night will be filled with happiness. Now come, I could use another pair of hands."

It was a mystery what she meant. She often liked to speak in riddles and you already got used to it.

The work Valka gave you was really easy. Nothing more than just organizing and preparing some of the herbs she collected during the day.

It was relaxing and the nice smell of plants smoothed your nerves.

"Y/N! Y/N! They are back!" Tove said happily as she walked inside the hut all excited.

You gasped and quickly went to the longhouse when Tove went to inform others.

The building was empty and quiet, illuminated by many torches but he was there.

Eivor stood there with Sigurd, he looked just as proud as always.

You thanked all the gods that both returned home happily.

"Eivor!,” You said happily and your feet immediately carried you to your husband.

"My love,” Eivor smiled and wrapped you in a hug as tight as possible of course without hurting you or the little one.

You nuzzled him and just then heard him hiss and groan. Pulling away you noticed some of the blood coating his tunic.

"It's alright my dear. It's nothing serious, we can take care of this later," he said as if he was hearing your thoughts.

Looking around he frowned. "We missed a great feast, it seems."

Then you realized your husband was right.

All the tables looked as if they were right after the feast or prepared for it to start. This was odd, since you did not recall any feast planned for tonight.

"Eivor..." Sigurd said getting your and Eivor's attention.

The older brother gestured to the throne. "Sit a moment... and rest."

"Sigurd." Eivor was unsure of it all. This wasn't his place, he wasn't much of a ruler.

"Go on, love," you said quietly and gently touched his shoulder, trying to encourage him.

Hesitantly Eivor walked to the throne and slowly took a seat on it, getting comfortable in the seat. He looked at his older brother who gave him an approving nod.

You couldn't stop looking at him.

Eivor looked so proud, perfect in this place. Even if he was always saying that he isn't a leader, you simply knew he was made for this. He will be a great jarl.

Randvi joined the three of you and after a brief talk about men's travel Tove brought everyone in.

"Eivor returned! Inside, at the hearth! Come!"

Sigurd decided to walk away and sit down at one of the tables

Few of the people carried torches, adding more light in the long house.

Giving Eivor a sweet smile you stepped aside to let Randvi speak.

"Eivor? Randvi? What is this? Is everything all right?,” Gudmund asked.

Randvi shook her and looked at Wolf Kissed over her shoulder.

"Our Jarl has returned... to lead us forward into an uncertain future. Will you speak to your people?"

Eivor looked at you for any kind of help. He looked nervous, not sure of it all.

You just gave him a sweet smile, assuring him that he can do it. After all, your husband did harder things than that.

"For love and joy, words can jade. Our souls must sound in a heartful song. And when... no, no," shaking his head he got up from the throne and walked closer to all the people he called friends.

"You are less mine than I am yours. And I ask of you only this, keep me honest in the times to come."

The Long House was quiet.

People looked at Eivor and each other.

The sudden change of Jarl was for sure a big surprise for everyone but it for sure wasn't unwelcomed.

Bragi broke the silien with a song and soon everyone joined, so did you.

In just a few minutes this special moment changed into a big feast.

Feast filled with family, friends, joy and singing.

It was hard to remember the last time that the whole settlement was so full of happiness.

Such moments were rare but they were honest, this was the most important.

———————————————————————

You and Eivor returned to your shared bedroom really late at night. Other people stayed up to have more fun but you needed your sleep and Eivor was happy to follow you.

"You didn't tell me about the wound," You frowned, noticing the wound on his belly.

Eivor looked down on the said wound; the souvenir of the fight with Basim.

He nodded and gave you a little smile.

"I did not because there was no need to worry you. This wound is shallow."

Letting out annoyed sighs, you nodded as he sat down on the bed. You immediately moved to sit right behind him.

Your hands moved into his hair, loosening the braids and combing through Eivor's beautiful blond hair with your fingers.

Your husband hummed and quickly relaxed thanks to your touch. It was nice to feel a familiar touch after weeks of fighting.

You worked until his hair were completely loose and than you placed a gently kiss on the scare on the right side of his nape

"My beloved husband."

Eivor smiled and then turned around to lie down with you right by his side.

Watching you he smiled.

"My beautiful wife who is carrying our child. I can't wait for the little one to be here. I hope your days were calm when I wasn't here."

"Yes, the little one was really calm," You chuckled, touching your belly. "I was the worried one."

He nodded and took the big fur to cover both of you. Once this was done Eivor pressed his forehead to your and closed his eyes, you did the same.

"Rest now. No need to worry any longer. I am here and I will protect both of you."

You smiled a little and nuzzled him. He was back home, this was what you both needed. Soon both of you fell asleep.

———————————————————————

Morning was something you loved the most most. Getting ready for the day was always fun.

"You know. Since you are our Jarl now. I think I will braid your hair differently. Something that speaks; Leader," You hummed, looking at Eivor's hair.

He laughed warmly and nodded. "Very well, I put myself and my hair at your mercy, wife."

"Oh don't worry, you will look beautiful as always. I will make sure of it."

Braiding Eivor's hair took you longer than you expected but you were really proud with your hand work.

He looked more handsome than ever, honestly you were surprised that it's even possible.

The two of you walked out of the room, holding hands.

You noticed Eivor frowning a little more than you noticed what he saw.

His brother stood next to the entrance to a map room, his arms crossed over his chest. Sugurd didn't look happy, he looked concerned.

"Sigurd...," Eivor asked, moving closer to his brother gently pulling you behind himself.

"Eivor. Before you say more, I must tell you something. Randvi and I have... Have ended our marriage," He said slowly.

You gasped quietly a bit shocked but on the other hand you understand it.

Everyone knew their marriage was the complete opposite of yours and Eivor's.

Yours came out of love when there was an arrangement.

"I am sorry to hear that," Eivor said softly.

You wanted to add something but Sigurd was quicker than you.

"Ah, do not be. Both of you. We adore one another dearly, but our marriage was not built on love. We were brought together as an act of peace. I was pledged to her well before I knew her. And though we have tried to settle our differences and find love in our faults..." He shook his head. "It has not worked out. And so we have dissolved our bond. Yet as a clan, we will grew together."

"Then I'm glad for you both. And for the rest of us. This place would not be the same without you two," Eivor agreed, nodding.

You also nodded eagerly. "That is the truth, Sigurd. Our settlement would feel empty without both of you."

Sigurd smiled at you. "Y/N. My dear sister in law, I owe you an apology. I haven't been too kind to you lately, it was all because of my clouded mind," he placed hand on your belly.

"Please, forgive me for this behaviour. I can't tell you how happy and thankful I am for everything you do for my brother. I hope your child will be as strong as he is and as beautiful as you are."

You giggled and nodded. "Thank you Sigurd and really. It was nothing, I understood everything."

Man nodded his head and pointed at Eivor.

"And you, little brother. Keep her safe and close, if you ever let her go or hurt her... I will kick your ass." Eivor laughed loudly and nodded. "I promise on my honor and life and all the gods."

You smiled and squeezed his hand. "Oh I know it all, I don't need to promise anything my love."

After this little talk, Sigurd walked away.

You and Eivor decided to go for a walk, just to enjoy each other. You could already tell that better times were here and you couldn't wait for more.

———————————————————————

#male!eivor x reader #eivor x reader #male!eivor x you #eivor x you #Assassin's creed Valhalla #ac valhalla

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loki-hargreeves · 5 years ago

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Loki’s 12 Days of X-Mas - You Get Stuck in a Blizzard

Author’s Note: This is part of Loki’s 12 days of Christmas. It’s a written advent calendar I’m working on. Also, Endgame and IW NEVER HAPPENED in this story. Natasha, Tony and the others are alive and well, okay? Warnings: vulgar language, mentions of drowning (no-one dies), a little bit of angst and fluff Word Count: 2,4K Summary: Y/N and Loki are on a mission in Siberia together. A blizzard surprises them and they find themselves in a sticky situation...

Third POV

Siberia, December 21st

“So, you don’t get cold?” Y/N asked Loki, who happened to be her partner on a mission right before Christmas. Since Loki had moved to earth – or Midgard, as he called it – he had actually helped the Avengers. They were still sceptical when it came to him, but Loki wanted to prove he wasn’t the same person he was in 2012. If he was going to stay on earth, he thought he might as well make himself useful.

That’s how he ended up in Siberia with Y/N. She was his friend. She looked past his mistakes and she never seemed to have prejudice when it came to him. They had grown fond of each other really fast, which is why the other Avengers thought it was good to send Loki – a frost giant - and Y/N, someone who trusted him on a mission together.

Besides, it’s not like everyone in the team noticed there was something going on between them that they didn’t dare explore. Most of them hoped the alone time would finally make the two kiss or at least come clean with their feelings.

“I do get cold; I just tolerate it far better than others. It never bothered me,” Loki answered, but his last few words sounded more like a question.

Y/N nodded as they kept walking. Natasha had dropped them off 40 kilometres away from a suspected HYDRA base. They couldn’t go any closer without the risk of being caught, so the only option was to walk through the heavy woods and over a frozen lake. As Loki and Y/N were going to the HYDRA base, Natasha and Steve investigated a small village nearby. They were only a call away if the duo needed backup.

It was cold and the wind didn’t make it any better. Y/N had wrapped her arms around her body, her scarf covered half of her face and she was wearing a lot of clothes, yet she was cold. New York winters were nothing compared to the weather up in the North. They were in the polar circle. It was cold and dark, which in a way was good for them to go by unnoticed. She just hated the fact her eyelashes nearly froze together each time she closed her eyes and every breath of cold air made her lungs shiver.

Of course, Loki was just fine.

She had to admit she was slightly jealous of him in the situation, but she didn’t dare complain. She knew how sensitive Loki was when it came to his true nature. He had opened up to her about it and she didn’t want to make him back off.

“Do you think we’ll make it to Stark’s annual Christmas party?” She wondered as they walked in the snow. The snowshoes kept them from sinking in the icy powder.

Loki hadn’t even heard of such a thing. He figured he hadn’t been invited, which really didn’t surprise him. “We’ll see. I must admit, I can’t imagine I’d be upset if I missed out on it.”

What was it with Loki and Tony? Sure, Y/N knew everything about 2012, but she also knew Loki was controlled by Thanos and the mind stone. Bruce knew it, Thor knew it, everyone knew it, but most of them still kept their distance. It bothered Y/N. She had seen just how great Loki was and she wanted the rest to see him too.

Well, if they would make it in time, Y/N would take Loki with her, if he wanted to go. Perhaps, she could make Tony see the other side of the Trickster god?

They walked in silence for a while. It didn’t take long until snow began to fall down from the sky and the tiny snowflakes got caught by the wind. The darkness around them turned white as a blizzard formed, making it impossible to see far in the distance. “Fuck!” Y/N cursed. As if it couldn’t get any worse?

Loki smirked as she heard her curse. Even when she said such profanities, he found her cute. Not that he’d ever admit he thought so, he didn’t think she would ever see him as more than an ally. Sure, they might’ve had a flirty relationship, but Loki assumed that was normal on Midgard. Even friends seemed to cuddle and share beds nowadays. “You know, I could make a magic shield, right?” Loki wondered if she had even thought of that.

She was a few steps ahead of him, so Loki was tailing her. As he finished his sentence, she stopped and tried to squint her eyes in order to see Loki. “Really? Why didn’t you- ah!” She suddenly yelped in surprise which was followed by a loud cracking sound. No one had time to know what was going on until Y/N fell down and water splashed around her, landing on the snow.

The thick ice had betrayed her. Loki knew she had stepped on a weak spot, perhaps even a stream spot, and that there was no way she’d get out of there in all the clothes she was wearing. He leapt towards the hole in the ice and felt relieved when he saw her. She had sunk her daggers on the edge of the hole to keep herself on the surface.

“L-Loki! I-it’s...c-cold!” her voice stuttered as her teeth chattered together. He grabbed her body without any hesitation and pulled her out easily. She let go of her daggers and squeezed her trembling hands around Loki’s arms as he got her out of the water. Soon enough, they were both on the ice safely. Her heavy clothes were soaked with water and he knew it would freeze in only minutes. Loki was just relieved she didn’t drown! Now that she was safe, Loki felt how hard his heart was beating. It scared him, to say at least. It all happened so quick.

But they had to get her inside as fast as possible. Y/N was a mortal, the cold could kill her. “Are you okay?”

“I’m a-awake...that’s f-for sure,” She managed to be sarcastic, even in this moment. She nearly died!

Loki remembered seeing a hut nearby not too long ago. It looked abandoned, old and like a wreck, but perhaps he could get her inside and warm her up? At least, the hut offered a shield from the blizzard. He knew she had to dry those clothes before they could continue.

“Can you walk?” Loki questioned her.

Y/N nodded and clumsily tried to get up. Her soaked clothes were dragging her down and her entire body was quivering relentlessly. “I’m fine.”

One thing was for sure, she was stubborn as hell. Loki knew she didn’t want to admit she needed help, but it wouldn’t stop him from trying. If she died on this mission, everyone would blame him for it anyway. “We’re staying in that hut we saw until you’re warm again. Don’t even try to fight it, Y/N.”

She didn’t say a word as Loki wrapped his arm around her to help her stay on her feet. To make their way a little easier, Loki created a shield around them that kept the blizzard from storming down on them. Silence surrounded them as they walked. Minutes passed, but Loki knew they were getting close. He had good orienteering skills. He wasn’t too worried, until suddenly she stopped shivering. It confused him. “Y/N?” Loki saw how tired she looked. Her eyes were drowsy, and her lips had turned ashy. Her eyelashes were white from the frost and even her hair began to freeze. It didn’t seem promising.

“I’m feeling much better, Loki,” Y/N let him know tiredly. Her words came out as a slur, almost as if she was drunk. Loki’s heart clenched in his chest. He had seen this before, long ago. It was during the time Vikings still walked the soil on Midgard. He had visited a village in Norway out of curiosity. It was wintertime. Some men had been fishing and nearly ten grown Viking men had fallen through the ice. They had been brought back to the village and everyone tried to warm them up. They had hypothermia; Loki knew the term. The fire and blankets hadn’t helped too much, but he remembered their wives cuddling them. Apparently, skin to skin contact worked magic on the frozen men.

Finally, after what felt like forever, he saw the hut. He doubted anyone was inside and even if someone was there, it wouldn’t stop Loki. “You’ll be alright very soon, I’ll make sure of that,” Loki assured her and kicked the wooden door open. It was dark and quiet inside. Once they got past the door, he shut it tightly. With some magic, he lit up he small hut and noticed it wasn’t occupied. There was a small bed in the corner with sheets that were most likely covered in dust, a small fireplace, some firewood, a tiny kitchen corner without a fridge and a door that probably led to a toilet. It wasn’t fancy, but it was good enough.

Loki lit the fireplace and used his magic to clean the dust. He hated cleaning, so he had taught himself cleaning tricks. It definitely came in handy. Now he had to get Y/N out of her clothes. He really hoped she wouldn’t hate him for saving her life. After all, they were about to get really close. It was far from formal.

“I need to get these off you, darling,” Loki explained to the woman who could barely keep her eyes open. She sat on the floor by the fireplace and her eyes were locked at the flames. She seemed awfully lost, confused. The Siberian winter was clearly as dangerous as Natasha had explained. Y/N was suffering from hypothermia after only less than half an hour. As if she hadn’t been freezing cold beforehand.

She didn’t seem to mind when Loki tore off her jacket and made it levitate so it could dry. He took off her gloves, her scarf, her beanie and then he helped her get rid off her outdoor pants. He noticed that the clothes she had worn underneath were just as cold and wet, so he undressed her until she was in her underwear. He had never thought this was how he’d undress her, which admittedly he had thought of a few times. Right now, was not the time for his mind to lure him. Y/N needed help. She didn’t mind it at all. In fact, she leapt into his arms and her body began to shiver again, which was a good sign.

Something about it made Loki’s restless heart beat a little harder. He felt so protective over her and holding her in his arms made him feel good. She trusted him, which meant to world to him. “Are you alright?” Loki wanted to make sure he wasn’t pushing any boundaries.

Y/N nodded and held onto him tighter. Loki used his magic to rid himself of his cold clothes until he too was in his underwear. Oddly enough, it didn’t bother him too much. He was just happy to hold her. He wrapped the blanket around them and then he got down on the bed, which was close to the fireplace, as said he hut was small. Y/N rested her head on his chest and the blanket secured them warmly.

Now they just lay there. Loki rubbed his arm up and down her back gently, hoping to warm up her cold skin. It didn’t really sink into his mind until now just how quickly she could’ve died. The water would’ve swallowed her in her heavy suit and even if it didn’t, if Y/N was alone, the cold would’ve done the deed eventually. It was scary just how easily she could be gone. Loki hated the thought of that. He didn’t want to imagine anything bad happening to her. She was special. Even if it wasn’t for him, he wanted her to be happy and well. Mortals only lived so long, it would be a shame if she had died this early on. Now that they were cuddling, he felt relieved. He was so glad the team decided to make them work together on this mission.

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered after a few minutes. A comfortable silence had surrounded them for a while.

Loki smiled, which she couldn’t see “I couldn’t let you freeze to death, now could I?” He tried to sound like he didn’t care too much. He didn’t want his feelings to scare her off, especially now that they were huddled up in only their underwear. Loki was scared his kindness would make him look like a creep.

But she knew he wasn’t like that. She saw good in him and especially now, she adored him. Sure, Y/N had crushed on Loki, but who could blame her? He was amazing. Now she was eternally grateful for him. Loki had saved her life. Besides, she couldn’t complain. Being so close under a blanket in a small hut, just listening to his heartbeat and the rustling fire wasn’t too bad. Loki didn’t have to know she enjoyed it a little bit too much.

They were both so oblivious.

It didn’t take long until they both dozed off. Y/N fell asleep first. It was comfortable to fall into a slumber when Loki was rubbing her back. Also, her body was slowly regaining warmth. The experience had drained her energy, so no one could really blame her for being tired.

Loki was happy she could rest. His heart was full of joy when he heard her relaxed breathing. He had never thought anyone would trust him enough to fall asleep with him. People were so vulnerable in their slumber. For him, it meant a lot. Only a few moments later, Loki’s eyelids felt heavy too. He relaxed with her being safely in his arms. Luckily, they weren’t a hurry. A little nap together would harm no one. Before he dared close his eyes, he put a spell on the door to keep it shut. Then he pressed a gentle kiss on Y/N’s head, wishing dearly she was asleep. Finally, he closed his eyes too and joined her in dreamland.

Little did Loki know Y/N felt the kiss. She was half asleep when she felt his lips on her head. Whether it was a friendly gesture or not, it melted her heart. Who would’ve thought Loki was such a softie? At least, when it came to her.

Author’s Note: I wanted to make this a smut, but it’s a Christmas fic so I didn’t. Maybe in a part 2? if I ever make one. So, a penny for your thoughts? :)

#Loki #Loki fanfiction #Loki's 12 days of christmas #Loki x Reader #Loki x Y/N #Loki x You #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Odinson #Marvel fanfiction

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aurorawest · 4 years ago

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Title: the words you say hold a thousand times more weight Author: @aurorawest Rating: M (implied sexual content) Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange Major Archive Warnings: none Word Count: 2.1k Summary: A lovely October day in New Asgard takes a turn, and Loki and Stephen get caught in the rain.

Written for @fandom‘s Hauntober, day 3: tea

read it on AO3

In some ways, Norway was the perfect climate for Loki. It rarely got uncomfortably hot—in fact, the temperature was in that pleasant zone where he was happiest, not scorching, but not too cold, either. Cold was preferable to heat, of course, but he still didn’t enjoy freezing his arse off. It snowed in the winter, but only often enough to be pretty, not enough to be annoying or inconvenient. The long, dark months weren’t his favorite, but when the darkness got to him, he went to New York and asked Stephen if he wouldn’t mind reading whatever tome he was studying somewhere brighter and sunnier for a few hours.

There were few people in the galaxy that Loki could imagine would entertain this request, let alone seem to enjoy it. But Stephen always smiled and said something like, “Feeling a little low on vitamin D?” before choosing somewhere new, and usually in Earth’s southern hemisphere, for them to spend an afternoon.

But that wasn’t climate, and there were ways to bear the darkness. The nearly endless light in the summer, for one thing. Climate was different—if it was unbearable, he couldn’t live in a place. New York’s was unbearable. Loki had told Stephen he should move the Sanctum to New Asgard, obviously knowing full well this wasn’t how it worked.

But in lieu of that, Loki was trying to get Stephen to spend more time in New Asgard. The Sanctum was their default, because it was large and privacy was easy to come by. Privacy was…occasionally an issue in New Asgard. The home that Loki shared with Thor and his sister-in-law wasn’t particularly spacious and the walls weren’t what one might call ‘soundproof.’

But mainly it was the lack of space. If Loki and Stephen were sitting in the living room, Thor and Jane would almost certainly wander by at some point. They might even sit down. It was their house too, after all. And that wasn’t taking into account the fact that their fellow New Asgardians could and would stop by any time they pleased. Korg was the worst offender but Brunnhilde was hardly better. People had questions for Thor, they had questions for Loki, questions for Jane. Stephen had joked that coming to New Asgard meant having to make small talk with half the town.

It wasn’t much of a joke, honestly.

But Loki loved New Asgard and he wanted Stephen to love it, too. Half a year into their relationship, Loki was determined to spend, if not an equal amount of time in New Asgard, at least some of their time together there. And he’d talked up the weather to convince Stephen to come to Norway on this particular day. It was nice—bright and sunny, but not hot. It was the perfect day for a walk, which was exactly what they did, setting off along the cliffs, the fjord to one side, green pasture to the other. They had been so caught up in their conversation and each other that they’d walked farther than Loki had initially planned on, all the way to the next village down the coast, which was a good six miles.

It wasn’t until halfway back to New Asgard that dark storm clouds began massing on the horizon.

Loki wrinkled his nose. “So much for the nice day,” he sighed. “We may have to cut this walk short, unless you enjoy being rained on.” But Stephen looked at him with the kind of regrettable oh shit expression that was really more Loki’s style than Stephen’s. “What?” Loki asked.

Stephen glanced at the clouds, then back to Loki. “I left my sling ring in your bedroom.”

“You what?”

“I thought I should, you know, make time for us.” There was an Infinity Stone related joke there, but Loki remained silent. “I wanted to remove the temptation to check on stuff while we’re together. Things seem to keep…” Stephen hesitated. “Coming up.”

This was true. Last week it had been demons running a money laundering operation in the Bronx, which really had seemed like a Spider-Man issue. When Loki had said so, Stephen had reminded him that Spider-Man took care of Brooklyn, not the Bronx. Loki had rolled his eyes and said they were in the same city, what was the problem? And Stephen had stared at him, his jaw hinging and unhinging as if Loki had just said something unspeakable, before replying, “It’s like three transfers. You’d have to take the bus.”

The week before that, it had been what Stephen had described as, “Like a magical sewer leak—don’t ask; trust me.” He was the Sorcerer Supreme and the Guardian of the New York Sanctum and this meant he was always, as he said, on the clock. Loki didn’t complain. After all, he’d known full well what he was signing himself up for when the two of them had gotten involved. It wasn’t as though he wasn’t responsible for his own fair share of last-minute cancellations.

There was something sweet about the fact that Stephen had taken it upon himself to try to mitigate this issue. It was just unfortunate he’d chosen to do so at a time when they were going to have to walk several miles in the rain.

Loki ran his fingers through his hair, thinning his lips. “I suppose you’d better walk faster, then,” he said. They were already walking fast. ‘Walking faster’ at this point would be running. Loki could probably jog three miles. It was doubtful that Stephen could. Anyway—he glanced to his right—a misstep could result in both of them tumbling over the edge of the cliff and onto the rocks below. Again, this was something that Loki could probably take, though he’d likely break a number of bones. Stephen…not so much. The Cloak of Levitation hadn’t been invited on their walk.

As the first fat raindrops splattered down into the grass, still bright green in October, Stephen spun his hands and called up a slowly rotating shield of magic. He pulled his hands wider and the shield grew larger, stretching thinner and thinner, like gossamer, until Loki seemed to be staring up at the sky through a pane of golden glass no thicker than a strand of hair. Rain fell on it, running down the sides and dripping off the edges, which were safely distant from them by a foot or two.

Stephen looked smug and Loki drawled, his eyebrows flat, “My hero.”

Unfortunately, Stephen had failed to account for the wind. By the time he’d realized his mistake, they were drenched.

When they trudged back through the front door of the Odinson/Foster residence, they were completely sodden. All traces of the lovely day had been well and truly drowned by the cold, pouring rain, and Loki’s good mood was almost as soggy. The house was quiet and neither Thor nor Jane were anywhere to be seen. Small blessings. Not that Loki didn’t want to see his brother and sister-in-law, but at the minute, his chief desire was to snarl at someone, and it would almost certainly be the first person who dared to speak to him.

The expression on Stephen’s face suggested he was well aware of this, and he just smiled a little before twirling a finger. A blast of warm air hit Loki and instantly, his clothes were dry. Stiff, but dry. And of course, it did nothing for the fact that he was chilled to the bone.

A smile was still twitching at Stephen’s mouth. “You know, the one problem with magic is sometimes it makes things too easy.”

With a snort, Loki asked, “Oh?”

“Yeah. Anyone else would have had to strip out of those wet clothes.” One of Stephen’s eyebrows quirked up. “And seeing as we apparently have the house to ourselves, maybe we wouldn’t have bothered getting dressed again.”

The sourness of Loki’s mood became a bit less curdled. With a faint smile, he asked, “Do you want some tea?”

“I’d love some tea.”

And the warmth in Stephen’s voice improved Loki’s mood a little more. How could he stay unhappy when Stephen was looking at him like that? His smile growing firmer, Loki went to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Either of them could have done this with magic, but Stephen had a point. Magic sometimes made things too easy, when there was comfort in rituals. Boiling the water, steeping the tea. Getting undressed and curling up naked under a blanket.

The tea didn’t take long, and once it was ready, Loki carried the two steaming mugs to the porch, where there was a futon that had seen better days and, handily, a blanket bunched on one side of it. Loki set the tea down on the table in front of the futon and looked at the glass that Thor and he had recently put up over the porch’s screened windows. Rain ran in rivulets down the panes, making it impossible to see out. Or in.

With a sly smile, Loki crooked a finger at Stephen, who approached. Tossing the blanket to him, Loki said, “Here—hold this.”

“Why?” Stephen asked half a second before every stitch of clothing he was wearing vanished. He gave Loki a nonplussed look and immediately draped the blanket over his shoulders, saying, “You know, I can do that trick, too.”

“No need,” Loki said, plopping down on the futon. When Stephen followed suit, sitting down next to him, the blanket draping him like a toga, Loki pulled the blanket over himself, vanished his own clothes, and leaned into Stephen’s side. One of Stephen’s arms went around him.

As Stephen turned his face to kiss the side of Loki’s head, he pointed out, “We didn’t actually have to take the clothes off. They were already dry.”

“Drink your tea, Stephen,” Loki said, smiling slightly. One of Stephen’s hands slid across his chest, possibly en route to the mug, possibly not.

It was, as it turned out, though not without a detour or two—first up to Loki’s face, which Stephen turned towards his own so he could kiss Loki slowly, then down Loki’s body again, over his chest and stomach until it came to rest between his legs. And Loki returned the favor, holding the blanket tight around them while they kissed and took advantage of their lack of clothes, Stephen’s face buried in the crook of Loki’s neck as he mumbled his name, Loki’s eyes closed as he held Stephen close and felt his whole body turn to gold, or possibly light.

Their tea was cool enough to drink by the time they were done, in any case. The rain was pounding harder against the glass, and Loki sprawled against Stephen, warming his fingers on his mug, since they were already getting cold again without the benefit of��ahem—something else to wrap them around.

He hadn’t filled Stephen’s mug as full, so once Stephen bolted his down, Loki offered his half-drunk tea. Stephen looked at him like he knew exactly what Loki was doing, but he took a sip with a wry smile. “Is October always this nice in New Asgard?” Stephen asked.

“It was nice four hours ago,” Loki pointed out. “I’d blame Thor, to be honest, but there’s no thunder.”

“Wait, you’re not going to blame Thor for something?” Stephen asked, smiling crookedly. “Are you feeling alright?”

Wrinkling his nose, Loki replied, “No. I’ve been going soft for a long time, and this is only the latest in a long line of unfortunate nods to a terminal case of sentimentality.”

With a chuckle, Stephen said, “Yeah. It’s a killer, that one.” His hand slipped over Loki’s heart, and Loki covered it with his own palm, holding it there.

The two of them remained that way, the blanket wrapped around both of them, listening to the rain patter on the windows and the roof, long after both their mugs were empty. Darkness began to fall outside, brought on earlier by the storm. Admittedly, this wasn’t the type of weather Loki normally enjoyed. It was gloomy, it was damp, it had a depressing, dreary element to it that he could do without. But if it meant—well, this, and what he was doing now, skin on skin, limbs languidly intertwined, no need to be anywhere but exactly where they were—then he could see a certain value in it.

Loki straightened up, but only so he could lean forward, an arm sliding to rest on Stephen’s shoulder, to kiss him softly. They probably needed more tea.

Fingers tangled in his hair as their kiss grew deeper.

The tea could wait.

#hauntober #froststrange #strangefrost #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki fanfiction #stephen strange #stephen strange fanfiction #doctor strange #doctor strange fanfiction #mcu #mcu fanfiction #fanfiction

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aliofvalhalla · 6 years ago

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Lights in Your Eyes

Including the prompt, "Look at the sky."

You never expected to be spending New Year's Eve freezing cold, on the side of a mountain, in Norway with none other than Jesse McCree. Back in the Blackwatch days, you and Jesse would be laughing and joking about how ridiculous this situation was, but not tonight. Tonight, you were mad at him. So mad.

The two of you had been sent to scout out some suspicious omnic activity in Norway. You hadn't been sent alone; Mei, Angela, Pharah and Reinhardt were with you. The operative word being 'WERE'. It'd turned out that Winston's research coupled with Soldier:76's intelligence on the area had been right; a new wave of omnics was planning to lend a hand to the 'new omnic crisis'. Your team had unexpectedly gotten caught up in a fire fight and you and Jesse were separated from the rest of your companions. The omnic group here was in its infancy, meaning there weren't too many of them to contend with. It'd been going well...until Jesse got hit.

Jesse McCree never let his guard down in the field, and against forces as small as this, he would never have been hit...if it wasn't for you. You made a simple error in judgement, which left you out in the open and vulnerable to attack. A blast to your right had thrown you to the ground on your back with your gun about a foot out of your reach. You scrambled to get it, but as you did so another blast sent it flying into the goddamn ether. That's when you heard the unmistakable metallic footfalls of an approaching omnic.

Still on the ground, struggling to find balance every time you attempted to stand, your head was spinning. You must've hit it in the first explosion. You turned to face the source of the sound, only to be met with the sight of an omnic. It looked almost identical to the 'Eradicators' you'd encountered during the first omnic crisis, except instead of a canon, this one had guns. Big guns. Big guns pointed directly at you. It began to shoot them at your feet and you began to scramble as fast as you could towards any kind of cover...but your head. Your head hurt. The dizziness was relentless. Your vision blurred as you focused so hard on getting up and escaping.

Suddenly, the ground left you and you were floating. Not floating, no...you were being carried. The eyes you hadn't realised were closed, opened to stare blankly up at your saviour. The first thing your eyes focused on was that ridiculous cowboy hat. What was he doing here? After you'd taken the wrong turn and ended up with an omnic blockade between you, you'd told Jesse to run. To get out of there quickly. You thought he had.

He was running with you tight to his chest, his heart pounding loudly in your ear. He entered a cleared building and set you down behind cover. "Stay there, darlin'" he'd said before racing back out of the building, running on adrenaline. As you watched him go, you noticed the seeping red substance beginning to show through the oddly civilian shirt he insisted on wearing, just under his chest armour on his left side.

Was that his blood?

The stinging pain in your head was fading, but the throbbing didn't seem to want to stop. You pushed yourself up with a grimace, almost missing the distinct sound of a six shooter doing work right outside. Before you were fully on your feet, his arms were at your waist, steadying you.

"I thought...I told you...to stay put." He said between gasps for breath.

"You're hurt." You stated looking down at the offending stain.

He followed your eyes to spare a glance at the blood on his shirt before returning his gaze to your face, "Aw, it ain't nothin'. Don't you worry, doll. Let's get outta here, yeah?"

You gave a single nod and instantly regretted it as your head swam and you heard your own blood whirring in your ears.

After confirming over comms that the rest of the team had made it back to the temporary base in the mountains, the two of you helped each other clamber out of the small town towards the safe, rocky confines of the base. If you could just get each other back there, Angela would be able to patch you both up. However, the weather had other ideas.

The higher you climbed, the worse the storm seemed to get. You could see that Jesse was struggling with his injury and your head still felt like it would spontaneously explode any second. The blistering winds and snow didn't do much to make you feel better either. You had to stop. You spotted a small cave in the face of the grey stone just up ahead, just big enough for the two of you to enter side by side.

"Jesse, stop. We're going to have to rest here...at least until the storm dies down. See what we can do with our first aid kits...just for now."

Your words fell out among gasps and gulps as the wind caught your breath every time your mouth opened. His eyes followed the line of your extended arm to the crevice you were gesturing to.

He hesitated for a moment. His eyes flicking between the cave, the road ahead and your face, obscured by waves of side-sweeping snowflakes, "Alright...alright, let's get inside."

You both got as comfortable as two injured, armour-clad individuals could inside a small hole in the wall. Jesse had made two makeshift bandages from his serape. He used the little remaining supplies from his first aid kit to provisionally treat his wound...and yours. You hadn't realised, but the blow to your head had caused a bloody and bruised crack to appear at the base of your skull, hidden by hair. He'd wrapped one of the serape bandages around your head as best he could and laughed when he took a step back to admire his work. You narrowed your eyes at him and watched as he wrapped the second piece of material around his middle to conceal the bullet wound.

Before long, small talk turned into an argument.

Which brings us back to now.

"Darlin', I think that hit on your head gave you a concussion...or just knocked you stupid."

He was responding to your comment that what he did was reckless and that he shouldn't have come for you. Telling him he should have ran like you told him to.

It wasn't that you weren't grateful that he saved your life, it was that he did it by risking his own. You didn't think your life for Jesse's was a fair trade. It hurt you to think he could have died.

You scoffed, "You must have a concussion if you think almost dying for me was smart."

He scoffed right back, "Well, colour me concussed. I stand by my choice."

"You know what, Jesse? You're so fucking stubborn. You could have died. Do you realise that?"

He narrowed his eyes, any signs of playfulness long gone as he pierced your own irises with his intent stare, "So could you. In fact, that tin can very nearly put a bullet in ya head. Do you realise that?" There was silence for a beat, both still staring fixedly at each other. "I wasn't going to 'run' and let you die. No way was I. There gotta be something wrong with ya if you think I would."

At a loss for what to say, you stood up, finally tearing your gaze from his. His eyes, however, stayed firmly on you; watching as you strode towards the entrance of the little cave.

"Where are you going?" He almost growled.

"The storm's passed. We can go now." You replied flatly, wanting to just get to the others as soon as possible.

You were done with arguing, or even discussing, the events that transpired in that modest town. Jesse, on the other hand, had a lot more to say. He joined you at the opening of your temporary rock haven where you were looking out across the sprawling, emerald and russet woodland over the steep edge a few feet away. The colours were darkening with the coming of night, but it was no less beautiful than it had been soaking in bright, winter sun. Standing just behind you, his eyes were admiring the same forest, he spoke.

"What's so bad about being saved? It turned out alright, didn't it? We're both alive."

"Barely." You retorted.

"You got a death wish or somethin'?"

You rolled your eyes and turned to him then; leaving the striking, vast landscape behind you in favour of a view arguably just as appealing. Jesse was looking at you too.

"What are you talking about? You put yourself in danger...unnecessarily so. I could have gotten out...there was no need for us both to get hurt. You never could resist playing the fairy tale hero, could you? You never think about..." Your ranting went on for a while, but then you noticed Jesse had stopped listening and his eyes were planted on the space above you. You gave him a look of confusion, "Jesse?"

"Look at the sky," he replied, not taking his eyes off whatever had him captivated.

Instead of the usual fireworks of New Years past, you turned to be met by a much more enchanting scene. Above the trees you'd earlier admired, glistened a plethora of glowing, swirling colours. Green and purple mostly, with intermittent flickers of white, pink and blue; all dancing around the dark expanse. The aurora borealis. A spectacle you'd wanted to see since you were a child.

You were awe-struck. The display was breath-taking...it literally took your breath from you. You couldn't speak, couldn't tear away your eyes. Then you remembered something your primary school geography teacher had told you. When you found our voice again, you repeated his words, even if only just a whisper.

"Some say it's the most beautiful sight on the planet."

It may have been quiet, but in the still of the night, Jesse heard. He heard...and it made that ever-present voice in his mind jump loudly to the forefront and spill out of his lips before he could stop it.

"Not quite the most beautiful."

You felt his gaze on you then, not sure when it had moved from the northern lights, to your face. Your head snapped away from the beauty painting itself over the dark canvas and your eyes landed on his, all the colours of the manifestation reflected there. Your mouth was slightly agape with disbelief at what he was implying. Dumbfounded, you stayed like that. Silent. Watching the rare, vibrant phenomenon through eyes just as striking.

He moved in closer to you, never once dropping his love-struck stare.

Your heart was thudding so loud, you were sure he could hear it. You'd forgotten how silly you must've looked with a torn piece of serape wrapped around your head and a goldfish-like gape to your mouth. You wouldn't have cared anyway. Jesse didn't.

You realised in the moment just before his lips met yours, the reason you'd been so angry...you couldn't bear the thought of him being gone.

As he kissed you, sparks of electricity buzzed through your body and created a warmth so comfortably contrasting the shrill air of the mountain. Pulling away to rest your foreheads against one another's, you shared the same giant grin. He laid a soft, gentle peck on your nose as he rested his hands on your hips.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and chuckled, "You're definitely concussed."

He laughed and pulled you as close as he could, the sparkling backdrop creating the picture-perfect moment. It would have probably been more romantic if it hadn't been for the pained grunt he let out as he was unpleasantly reminded of the hole in his side. You grimaced for him as his eyes clenched shut.

"We should get you to Angela, huh?"

"Mhmm." Was all he managed.

You stifled a giggle and you laced your fingers through his and cuddled close to his arm, leading him towards the base. It didn't take you long to realise it was over a mossy ridge not a few metres away. You could've avoided all of it. Could've been back ages ago. The cave wasn't even necessary. It was right there all along!

But if you'd recognised that crest of stone before you'd found the cave, you would never have been able to appreciate the splendour of the woodland. You would never have seen those astonishing, natural lights. You would never have kissed Jesse.

You were so glad you decided to stop.

As you helped him up the last stretch, something occurred to you. You briefly glanced at the watch display attached to the wrist of your specially designed uniform. 00:10. You smiled in Jesse's direction to find he was already watching you.

"Happy New Year, cowboy."

#jesse mccree x reader #jesse mccree #jesse mccree/reader #jesse mccree fan fic #Overwatch fan fiction #tropes #cliches

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sciencespies · 5 years ago

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Making future transport more climate friendly

https://sciencespies.com/environment/making-future-transport-more-climate-friendly/

Making future transport more climate friendly

The Trøndelag County transport company AtB introduced 36 electric buses to the Trondheim bus system in August. This is one of the projects that researchers will be collecting data on and analysing. Credit: Idun Haugan/NTNU

The world’s transportation network is constantly growing. “Green asphalt” and sustainable bus transportation will ease the environmental impact of future transport routes.

The EU has greenlighted two major transport projects for the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) and SINTEF, Scandinavia’s largest independent research institution, in cooperation with Chinese and European universities. “Green asphalt” and sustainable bus transportation will help make future transport routes more climate friendly.

Norway’s largest current road project is the E39 Coastal Highway Route, which stretches from Kristiansand to Trondheim. The ongoing project will make the route ferry-free and shorten the driving time between locations along this route.

China’s giant investment in transport and infrastructure is referred to as the “New Silk Road” and extends transport routes across several continents. We will return to this in more detail later.

These major transport initiatives raise the question of how they will affect both the climate and the environment.

“It’s challenging to facilitate more transportation and reduce climate emissions simultaneously, but transport and trade are bound to increase in the future. What is important now is to make the transport systems as smart and climate-friendly as possible,” says Carl Christian Thodesen.

He has headed the Department of Civil and Environmental Engineering at NTNU for the past six years and has been central to the collaboration with Chinese research groups. He was also instrumental in developing two major EU projects that received the green light from the EU just before the summer.

“We recognize that the world’s infrastructure is growing extremely fast and that we have to think smart and be climate smart. The construction and transport sectors account for 40 percent of CO2 emissions and energy consumption today. We have to drastically lower this rate,” says Thodesen.

“Thinking sustainably also gives us a competitive edge. Climate-smart solutions will be prioritized and preferred in the future,” he says. Thodesen took a position as dean of the Oslo Metropolitan University this autumn.

Cooperation strong in transport sector

The collaboration between Chinese universities, NTNU and SINTEF began in 2017, and took a solid step further during a visit by Norwegian researchers and educators in April 2018.

We had long thought about doing something with China. What’s happening in China when it comes to transport and construction is enormous, and the universities have incredibly good lab facilities,” says Thodesen.

SINTEF Bygg and NTNU transport researchers have now established collaborative efforts with Chinese researchers at universities in Beijing, Shanghai, Nanjing and Wuhan.

They are working on issues such as:

The circular economy in the transport sector. For example, industrial waste materials are used for filling potholes in roads

Materials and road surface. How asphalt can be optimized to withstand wear and harsh climate conditions

Bridge structures, including floating bridges and fixed bridges

Tunnels, both through mountains and under water (fjords in Norway and rivers in China)

Driverless vehicles

Electricity transport

Rail transport

Through the eye of the EU needle

SMUrTS and HERMES are acronyms for the two EU projects for which NTNU and SINTEF have won EU research funding. They are being led by NTNU and SINTEF respectively, and are part of The Sustainable and Liveable Cities and Urban Areas call.

Electrifying the transportation sector is an important step towards making transport more environmentally friendly. Several countries are starting to electrify buses in urban areas. In Norway, the largest cities have started the transition to e-buses.

The SMUrTS project aims to help authorities in different countries develop an approach to improving the electrification of public transport systems and making the transition from conventional buses to electric buses as smooth as possible.

SMUrTS stands for Sustainable Mixed Urban Transit System with electric and conventional buses.

Plenty of obstacles ahead

However, replacing conventional buses with electric buses is no quick fix. As of today, electric buses still face numerous challenges, including:

range limitations

loss of battery capacity

battery charge time

SMUrTS is working to find solutions for electric buses in extreme conditions, such as in the tough Nordic climate and in extremely large cities.

Beijing’s streets are congested with everything that moves — mopeds, bicycles, cars and rickshaws, to name a few — and distances are great. Credit: Idun Haugan/NTNU

“In Norway, the cold climate is a challenge in terms of battery capacity. Tests on Tesla cars in the United States show that battery capacity is reduced by 40 percent in the winter,” says Chaoru Lu at NTNU. Lu is a postdoc at NTNU and was educated at Beijing Jiatong Universtity and Iowa State University. Lu and NTNU associate professor Trude Tørset are the SMUrTS project managers.

In megacities like Beijing, long distances are a challenge in terms of battery capacity.

“During this transitional period, until we overcome the limitations of e-buses, it’s more realistic to develop a city transportation system with a mix of conventional and electric buses. That way you can maintain the service standard of the transportation network,” says Lu.

Research needs to be useful for relevant actors

Since electric buses are relatively new, data collection and information is needed on how e-buses are working and how the transition from conventional buses to electric buses is going.

The researchers will be collecting a variety of data from the public transport company AtB in Trondheim, which this autumn inaugurated 36 electric buses in the transport network.

“Our goal with the research is to make a difference for the actors who are working on public transportation. This means that our research and our analyses need to provide useful information that ATB can use in transitioning to electric buses,” says Lu.

AtB finding research valuable

AtB, the transport company in Trøndelag County, where NTNU is located, thinks that the transition to electric buses has gone well so far.

“Clearly, challenges inevitably come up that you haven’t foreseen or planned for when undertaking something new. But we haven’t faced more challenges than you’d expect when making these kinds of changes,” says Tom Nørbech, division manager of technology and mobility services at AtB.

One challenge of switching over to electric buses, according to Nørbech, is that you no longer get your energy from filling stations but from charging stations, so you have to build a new and completely different type of infrastructure.

He thinks access to the SMUrTS analyses of what AtB does is important in this transition. The project is being conducted at “a high professional level, by people who are at the forefront of this type of research. It’s clear that both the analyses and access to the expertise of the collaborating partners are very valuable to us,” he says.

Models adapted to different cities and countries

This research project plans to collect data on environmental benefits, costs, efficiency, energy consumption on electric buses and on conventional buses, and the influence of the weather and climate on energy consumption.

“We’re looking at the big picture, and data from multiple fields gives us a bigger picture of how best to plan. Based on the data we collect, we’ll create models that we can customize for public transit companies to help solve their challenges,” says Lu.

The researchers also have access to data from Beijing, where large distances are a challenge in terms of battery capacity. For megacities like Beijing, the researchers are developing specific models based on the data and challenges that such cities have.

“We’re finding that the interest and need for electricity-based transport are strong around the world. Technology is evolving rapidly and transportation systems are changing really quickly. That’s why we need a new green transportation policy soon,” he says.

The research will run for three years and has a budget of almost NOK 9 million (€ 877,000). NTNU is leading the project, and the collaborating partners are from China, Sweden and Norway.

Green asphalt

HERMES is the second research project to come through the eye of the EU needle, led by SINTEF.

In Europe alone, more than 275 million tonnes of asphalt are produced each year for road maintenance and rehabilitation. This results in high resource consumption and the release of large amounts of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.

“HERMES is developing a new methodology in order to reduce the climate impact of road maintenance and rehabilitation. The goal is to find and choose the best available technology and strategy with the lowest cost to the environment and society,” says Terje Kristiansen of SINTEF, who is leading the project.

To develop the new method, researchers will study and analyse infrastructure in selected locations in Norway, China and Austria. The project partners come from these three countries.

Analysing the life cycle of asphalt

The main transportation routes envisioned with the new Silk Road. Credit: NTB Scanpix

HERMES aims to develop a practical method for grading “green asphalt,” based on the Principles of Life Cycle Assessments (LCA).

LCA is a life cycle analysis method and a technique for mapping environmental impacts associated with all stages of a product’s life: from raw material extraction through materials, production, use, maintenance and disposal or recycling. The method is used to analyse and assess what can then be done to reduce the environmental impact.

“The new method we’re developing will make it much easier to see how the different elements of road construction contribute to pollution from a life cycle perspective. This insight will enable us to gain a better understanding of the reduction potential by implementing various measures on the material, construction and operation sides,” says Kristensen.

Creating a climate account for asphalt and road maintenance will make it easier to see where environmental benefits can be obtained.

“Being able to have an impact on climate reductions in China will make a big difference worldwide,” Kristensen says.

EU and China

“China has a high level of expertise in technology and research and is a growth market. We’re seeing that China is increasingly important for the EU and that research cooperation between the EU and China is becoming more active. That is why it’s also important to build up our China expertise,” says Kristensen.

Such expertise is created through collaborative projects like HERMES and SMUrTS.

The research project has a budget of just over NOK 11 million (€ 1,117 263) and will also run for three years. The project emphasizes the exchange of personnel between the EU and Chinese partners.

The Silk Road—China’s major transportation project

The Silk Road has its origins many centuries back in time. This was the name for a number of trade routes that ran between Europe, China / Asia and the Middle East. The route network stretched across 6,000 km and derived its name from the lucrative trade in Chinese silk. The trade route was established during the Chinese Han Dynasty (206 BC—220 AD).

In addition to trade, the Silk Road led to widespread cultural exchange between different countries and continents.

Business traveler and explorer Marco Polo from Venice contributed greatly to making the Silk Road and the East known to Europeans. In the 13th century, he embarked on a lengthy expedition to the Middle East, Mongolia and China with his father and uncle.

After about 20 years abroad, and bearing many experiences and new knowledge, they finally returned home. The East was mysterious and unfamiliar to Europeans at that time, and Marco Polo’s journey along the Silk Road became widely known through the travelogue Livre des merveilles du monde (Book of the marvels of the world, commonly called The Travels of Marco Polo in English), which became very popular.

The new Silk Road

European countries’ desire to trade directly with China was the main motivator for discovering a sea route to China. In the year 1480, Portuguese ships rounded the Horn of Africa for the first time. The Netherlands and the United Kingdom followed in the 17th century.

Until the beginning of the 19th century, China was regarded as the richest and most sophisticated of all civilizations on earth.

Trade and goods transport are also the main reason for China’s new giant transportation concept called “The New Silk Road.” It consists of several routes, on both land and water. The ambition is to create a continuous transport connection—by road, train and ship—between China and the rest of the world.

The project goes by the names One Belt, One Road (OBOR) and Belt and Road Initiative (BRI).

The transportation network will consist of:

a continuous transportation route across China from east to west

a tie-in to the original Silk Road route through Central Asia and the Middle East

a link to the Trans-Siberian transportation route through Russia and to the Baltic States

a water way via the Indian Ocean that strengthens the transport route from China to the coast of Africa, where China is starting to establish itself in a big way

a water route via the Suez Canal to the Mediterranean countries and Europe

This is being called the world’s largest infrastructure project. China’s powerful leader Xi Jinping launched the worldwide project in 2013, and many steps have already happened since then.

Explore further

Paris orders 800 new electric buses to fight smog

More information: You can read more in the article What is China’s Belt and Road Initiative? from the British newspaper The Guardian.

Provided by Norwegian University of Science and Technology

Citation: Making future transport more climate friendly (2020, January 14) retrieved 14 January 2020 from https://phys.org/news/2020-01-future-climate-friendly.html

This document is subject to copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purpose of private study or research, no part may be reproduced without the written permission. The content is provided for information purposes only.

#Environment

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arubascanner · 2 years ago

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4 NORTHERN LIGHTS YOU SHOULD GO TO SEE

Want to see the Northern Lights, but don’t have time to explore or book a flight? Then a package tour might be for you. These pre-planned and fully-packaged tours are purpose-built for travelers who want to see as much of the world as possible in the shortest time possible. They also come with hotel accommodation and often include flights, meals and activities. But that doesn’t mean that package tours aren’t worth it. In fact, some of the best experiences we’ve had were on packaged trips. And these are all great Northern Lights that you won’t regret seeing:

Northern Lights: Iceland

If you want to go on a Northern Lights trip but can’t find a tour that suits you and your schedule, then Iceland is your go-to destination. Need proof? Let’s look at the numbers: We’re sure that by now you’ve heard that Iceland has the best chance of seeing the Northern Lights. The thing is, it might not be obvious to you why this is. So let’s take a look at all the factors that go into making Iceland the best place to see the Northern Lights. First up is the weather. While you will see the Northern Lights in a few different weather conditions, most are best seen in extremely cold weather. When the air is cold enough, charged particles from the sun get trapped by the earth’s atmosphere and create the spectacular Northern Lights. The problem with this is that it’s hard to predict when the weather is going to get cold enough to make this happen. Iceland’s weather, however, is pretty predictable.

Northern Lights: Finland

If you want to see amazing landscapes, then Finland is the ultimate destination for you. The country is home to some of the most beautiful lakes, forests and national parks in the world. The best part is that these landscapes are usually covered in snow during the winter. This means that when the Northern Lights show up, they look even more stunning against a beautiful white backdrop. If you’re looking for an amazing Northern Lights experience, Finland is the place to go.

Northern Lights: Norway

If you’re interested in seeing more than just the Northern Lights, then Norway is the country for you. The Northern Lights are amazing, but Norway has so much more to offer as a travel destination. From beautiful fjords to the mountains and even the world famous Viking history, there is no shortage of things to do in Norway. If you’re looking for a Northern Lights trip that offers so much more, then Norway is the place for you.

Northern Lights: Sweden

If you want a Northern Lights trip that’s a little closer to home, then Sweden is the place for you. While some of the other Northern Lights destinations are best for cold weather, Sweden is great for all seasons. The country is home to the famous Northern Lights Belt, which is a strip of land that gets the best chance of seeing the Northern Lights all year round. So no matter when you’re planning your trip, you have a great chance of seeing the spectacular Northern Lights in Sweden.

Summary

If you want to see the Northern Lights, then you have to go during the winter. This is when the Northern Lights are best seen, and these are the best Northern Lights package tours that you can book now. And if you want to go on a non-package trip, then we recommend you go during the winter months and rent a car for easy freedom.

More Articles…

#travel #road trip #vacation #nature #camping #northern

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citiesandtowns · 3 years ago

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https://thewalrus.ca/why-is-canadian-architecture-so-bad/?fbclid=IwAR1UeEc02olvoME6FxiXXhVh5euEPW2w9FUx6g1u9K3yR1NkkVr1vpS3bHY

Even the United States has more compelling architecture than Canada, particularly in its big cities. Chicago’s gorgeous Millennium Park, for instance, was the result of a public-private partnership that relied heavily on the philanthropic sector. Wealthy individuals, as well as foundations and other organizations, pitched in $220 million (US) for the park and an adjoining arts theatre—almost half of the total cost of the project. Its most recognizable feature, a $23 million bean-shaped mirrored sculpture, was privately funded through donations. In Canada, philanthropy is most generous toward hospitals, schools, and the arts.

He disagrees that Canadian architecture is uniformly ugly, although he does call a lot of it “mediocre.” Still, he points out that there are pockets of excellent design that partly redeem us. And some cities do a good job of highlighting the natural landscapes abutting the built environment. Some even take design risks. “You have tiny little rinky-dink towns in Quebec that are building beautiful libraries, performing-arts centres, and often with relatively young firms,” he tells me.

“But,” he continues, “I think Canadians—and this is something that sort of drives me nuts, and I think it’s not just particular to [architecture]—we’re just a bit passive, right? I mean, you could say the same when it comes to the environment. We’re really not doing that much for the most part, and Canadians aren’t really demanding that their politicians do very much either.”

There’s a lot of truth in Livesey’s estimation, but I suspect our commitment to accepting “good enough” isn’t merely about a lack of empowerment or abundance of ignorance. It’s also about our Kafkaesque procurement processes and how our local governments often hand cities over to private developers. Fundamentally, though, it represents our aversion to risk. Why rock the boat when something “safe,” functional, and cheap will suffice?

We can’t even blame the weather for our approach to design. Norway has cold winters too, but it has somehow managed to create an innovative movement where structures are built or renovated to produce more energy than they consume (called “energy-positive building”). And the buildings are beautiful too.

Not here, though. “The predominant approach to the design and construction of buildings across Canada has been ‘build cheap, maintain expensive,’” write Ted Kesik, Liam O’Brien, and Terri Peters in a 2019 design guide for multi-unit residential housing.

In many instances, “build cheap” also means “build ugly”—not because good design necessarily costs more but because we have conned ourselves into believing that it does. In reality, good design simply means making more creative choices with the money you have—something that is simply beyond the capacities and capabilities of the people with the rubber stamps. In many ways, our devotion to fiscal conservatism has caused us to settle for buildings that don’t meet even the most basic standards of environmental responsibility. Kesik et al., in their guide, lambasted building designers for allowing a generation of drafty, poorly insulated public housing to be built.

While Livesey isn’t so cynical to think that Canadian architecture as a whole is a chore to look at, he sees many newer private-sector buildings suffering from similar ailments: too much glass, cheap building envelopes, subpar insulation, uninspired design. Canada’s downtowns are still stuffed with cranes piecing together gleaming towers with floor-to-ceiling glass—a design choice that sucks up excessive amounts of electricity in both the summer and winter months. Private developers push for this kind of design because it is relatively easy and inexpensive to construct; it almost always get approved by cities; and when combined with cheap materials, it is the quickest way to get returns into the pockets of promoters and investors.

These motivations come at a cost. In 2014, the CBC reported glass panels falling off the facades of newly built condo and hotel towers in downtown Toronto, including the Shangri-La luxury hotel, where the most basic room goes for a minimum of $575 a night. In another Toronto high-rise, tenants contend with wildly fluctuating water temperatures seemingly due to improperly installed valves. Then there’s Vancouver’s enduring leaky condo crisis, in which tens of thousands of homes built in the 1980s and 1990s have been flagged for water leaks.

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aranarmo · 7 years ago

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S E A S O N T A G

Rules: Answer the 12 questions & tag 5 other peope!

What is your favorite season? Summer! Give me sunshine and warmth, hiking, camping, festivals, picnics in the park, ice cream, cold pints and days that never seem to end.

Do you prefer warmer or colder weather? Warmer.

What do you do on a rainy day? Whatever I’d normally do, pretty much, they’re so common. Although it does feel extra nice to read when it’s raining out.

How is a typical winter where you live? Cold or not? Shite. It’s a couple of degrees too warm for snow so it falls as rain, but it’s still cold as tits so everything feels damp and cold right down to your bones. The sun rises late and sets early but because there’s no snow on the ground there’s no light being reflected so everything is dark and dreary. On the rare occasion that it should snow the entire country shuts down because the infrastructure isn’t set up for it. It’s awful. I lived in the Arctic Circle for a time and would take a Tromsø winter over a UK one ANY DAY.

Have you ever experienced snow? Plenty, when I lived in Norway.

True or false? “I LOVE RAIN!” False, I’ve had enough rain to last several lifetimes (That being said, we’re currently experiencing a heatwave and could do with a bit of rain, the poor grass is looking rather parched).

What is your go to food in the summer? Falafel and halloumi wraps/pittas with salad and hummus (Uggggh I am salivating at the thought).

What is your favorite ice cream flavour? Ooh there’s just so much choice. Coffee, caramel/toffee, pistachio, a decent vanilla shouldn’t be knocked either. And mango sorbet too, if that counts. Yum!

Coffee, tea or cocoa? All of them.

Describe your favorite seasonal clothing item! Despite my above complaints about winter, I do love a good scarf.

What is your favorite Holiday? Like a national holiday? I don’t really have one.

If you were a season, which one would you be? Hmm, it’s hard to think of myself as a season. Late summer/early autumn has always resonated with me, but that might just be because that’s when my birthday is!

I was tagged by the wonderful @mrs-storm-andrews (who is apparently my complete opposite when it comes to seasons!) about a month ago but only just got around to it, oops. In return I will tag: @starwindsky @deathbeforethemast @borealhermit @korrathevampireslayer3791 @endlessnightsofthedoomedchildren

#thanks for tagging me this was fun #ask thingies #as always don't feel obliged #I don't actually hate winter #I just hate the shit ones we get in the UK

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vitki-x-visindi-blog · 7 years ago

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Allow Me To Introduce Myself

I’m not really good at talking about myself unless prompted, so I’m just snagging a Bio Template and a Questionnaire and filling it out. I might add to it, IDK. I know you’re supposed to be asked these and then answer, but I don’t have any followers, soooo... BASIC INFORMATION Full name: Nah. Call me Vitki. It kinda means something like “shaman” in old Norse. Visindi means “knowledge”, which I’m always after. I love learning things. Pronunciation: “Vit-kee” “Vis-IN-dee” Nickname(s) or Alias: I haven’t chosen a male name yet, so we’ll stick with Vitki or V. Gender: FtM. If you have a problem with that, I suggest you move on, or “DNI”, as the kids say. Species: Age: 28... I think? Birthday: 9/24 Sexuality: How do you get the eggplant emoji when you’re on the computer... Nationality: Idk. I’m a whole jumble of things. I look like your typical white American, though. Religion: I don’t even know. I think the best way to put it is Atheistic Asataru Shamanism... I’m still figuring myself out. Place of birth: South Carolina. Current Resident: Indiana. Languages: English. I know. I’m mundane and sad. I want to learn another language, though. I just don’t have a way to take classes or anything. Relationship Status: Married PHYSICAL APPEARANCE Height: 5ft 3in Weight: 180lbs. Yeah, I’m chubby. I don’t have the motivation to do anything about it, though. I do have a goal, btw. I swear I’ll never crack 200lbs. Hair Colour: Black, usually Hairstyle: Short, messy Facial Hairstyle: Clean, right now. I haven’t transitioned, so I really can’t do anything about that. Eye Colour: Brown Tattoos: None yet, unfortunately, Piercings: Ears HEALTH Smoker? Nope. Never. Drinker? RARELY. I can’t really handle the smell of alcohol, so I kind of avoid it unless I feel like I NEED to get a little drunk. Even then, I really only drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade and shit like that. Recreational Drug User? Which? No. And I would ONLY consider cannabis. First off, though, it’s illegal. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if it was legal, and I do wish it was so cops could focus on shit that needs to be dealt with. Smoking anything just doesn’t appeal to me. Addictions: None that I can think of. Allergies: None that I know of. Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: I am SUPER. FUCKING. BLIND. Without my contacts. And I get worse every year. I’m really terrified of getting so bad that contacts and glasses can’t fix it. PERSONALITY Personality: Likes: Dislikes: Fears/phobias: Talents/skills: EATING HABITS Omnivore/Carnivore/Herbivore: Favourite food(s): Favourite drink(s): Disliked food(s): Disliked drink(s): HOUSE AND HOME Favourite type of house/home: Do you share their home with anyone? Who? Significant/special belongings: CAREER Level of education: Current job title and description: FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FOES Parents names: Are parents alive or dead? Still in contact with your parents? Siblings? Relationship with siblings? Other Important Relatives: Partner/Spouse: Children: Best Friend: Other Important Friends: Pets: 50,000 Questions 1. What’s your favourite colour? Icy blue. It used to be red, maroon, or terra cotta, but my personality has kind of... calmed down since then, I guess. That doesn’t mean I don’t still get mad, though.

2. What’s your favourite movie? Forever Lion King. I do really like other movies, but if I had to watch only one for the rest of my life, it would have to be Lion King.

3. What’s your favourite book? I don’t really have a favourite book. I really like a few different series, though. Harry Potter is a big one, but I really like Guardians of Ga’Hoole as well. I feel like it doesn’t get the recognition it deserves because the movie didn’t give it justice (even if it was really good on its own). I also used to be REALLY in to Warriors, but I’ve kind of resented the Erins ever since the “bad kid atheists” arc. Don’t even get me started on that.

4. What’s your favourite kind of food? Italian, I think. I’m super, ungodly picky, but I feel like a lot of the food I can eat is used in Italian food a lot.

5. What's your favourite kind of weather? Storms. Precipitation. Rain, sleet, hail, snow, anything. Also heat storms are nice.

6. What’s your favourite season? It’s between Autumn and Winter. Really, just the 6 months out of the year that aren’t sweltering hot. I hate heat.

7. Have you ever been in love? Well, I’m married, so I’d have to say yes.

8. What’s your favourite animal? Don’t ask me that. It all depends on my mood at the time.

9. Favourite thing about where you live? It’s a little bigger than a town and a helovalot smaller than a city, but it’s close enough to where the interesting places aren’t a day’s drive away.

10. Have you ever been overseas? No. The closest I can say is I lived in Hawaii for three years, but that doesn’t really count.

11. What’s your favourite place in the whole world? Any place that doesn’t have people in it.

12. What’s your favourite kind of music? I’m not too certain, really. My taste is kind of eclectic. I grew up on country, so of course I hate it now. I like Evanescence, Linkin Park, Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, Three Days Grace, Nickleback (I know), Seether, Eminem, Korn, and certain songs from certain bands, but not the band itself. I honestly really love pagan-style bands like Omnia, Faun, and others.

13. Where would you like to visit? Anywhere in the UK or thereabouts, really. England, Scotland, Ireland, Norway, etc.

14. Biggest fears? My biggest fears have always been giving birth and having my spine messed with. I’ve done both twice, so I’m good. Mostly I’m just afraid we’re never going to be able to live in our own house, which isn’t the end of the world, really.

15. Do you believe in the paranormal? I don’t know. There’s things I’d really LIKE to believe in, but once you’re an atheist and a skeptic, it’s REALLY hard to believe in anything that can’t be proven logically.

16. What’s your star sign? Libra... Or Virgo, if you add that weird 13th zodiac...

17. Favourite sport? I actually hate sports. But I do respect the old ones like soccer (the rest of the world’s football) and tennis. I don’t follow any team for anything, but if I absolutely had to watch one for the rest of my life, it would probably be UFC or Hockey. They’re just fun to watch.

18. Do you collect anything? Animal figurines, when I can... There’s other things I’d like to collect, but I don’t have the space or money for them.

19. What’s something that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Hot Chocolate, Kittens, Puppies,

20. Do you play any instruments? Besides the basic recorder, my first instrument I’ve ever played was the French Horn. I don’t know why. After that it was the snare drum, which I enjoyed a lot more. I played a little bit of the drum set when I was in school too. But I really don’t play anything now. I’d like to play the drum set again some day, though.

21. What’s your favourite drink? Hot Chocolate is good for cooler days, but my other favourites are Cherry Dr. Pepper, Cherry Pepsi, Lemonade, and Raspberry flavored anything.

22. What’s your favourite holiday? Halloween. Christmas/Yule/Saturnalia/Winter Solstice is a very close second, but I get more excited for Halloween/Samhain than my own birthday, which is a month before it.

23. Do you have any hobbies? I used to do this thing called drawing. And this other thing... I think it was writing? Sadly, I don’t have time any more to do those things, being a parent and all...

24. Do you prefer day or night? Night. Forever. I hate the day time. Night is so much quieter.

25. Do you have any bad and/or anxious habits? I used to pick at my nails, then it was my eyebrows, for some reason. Right now, I’m picking at scabs on my scalp. I need to quit that.

26. What’s your favourite kind of fashion? IDK. I mostly dress in a t-shirt and jeans. If I had the money, I’d probably buy some badass gothic shit or modern versions of old-timey garb.

27. Do you believe in anything enough to fight for it? Physically? IDK. I’ve never fought anyone in my life. I mean, I’d rip the spines out of people’s backs if they mess with my kids or anyone I love, but to fight for an idea is different. I guess if it came down to people’s rights being taken away and shit, like if they were to cart my loved ones into a concentration camp, I’d be having something to “say”...

28. Do you have any obsessions? Frequently

29. How do you deal with stress? I don’t

30. Do you want children? I have 2

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scotiaeire · 5 years ago

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The Election and the Weather.

https://www.irishcentral.com/opinion/cahirodoherty/sinn-fein-irish-election-win-irelands-future?utm_campaign=Best+of+IC+-+10+Feb+-+2020-02-10&utm_content=Story1&utm_medium=Email&utm_source=Mailjet

I’m not going to comment on Irish politics from a place of “as if I belong here” because, I’m Scots and we’ve only just moved here and don’t want to offend any Irish folks with what they probably think would be my uneducated, inexperienced outsider’s opinion.

(I’m not unhappy at the result though, being *very* familiar with UK politics and the machinations of both Tory and Labour, which appear to have merged into one party these days)

https://www.irishcentral.com/news/weather-warning-ireland-storm-ciara?utm_campaign=IC+FAV+-+Feb+10+-+2020-02-10&utm_content=Story2&utm_medium=Email&utm_source=Mailjet

But the weather’s something even I have the right to discuss. ;) And it worries me. I believe in Climate Change, despite the deniers. I’m approaching sixty and over my lifetime have seen the seasons vanish, and storms that used to be limited to the winter months arise all year round and worsen in intensity, and in the places I’m familiar with..the Scottish Highlands, largely..snow is vanishing, putting in a brief appearance, if we’re lucky, for two days, a few centimetres deep before turning to mush and disappearing.

“When I was young...” snow was a regular winter visitor. Where I lived, it generally began in October, Novermber latest, could reach six foot deep and often did, and lasted until March, April or even May.

Twice as a child and young woman, I got lost in snow whiteouts and almost died of hypothermia ....my sense of navigaton has always been shit! and if it hadn’t been for my dad finding me the first time I *would* have died.

Tell me, folks in the far north of Scotland (and now, places in Norway, Finland...) when was the last time snow fell as it used to?

In it’s place..at least in Scotland and, it seems, in Ireland, we get increasingly stronger winds, damaging winds that often reach Hurricane force, and far too much rain, causing flood damage and, in some cases, death.

I’ve seen too many times spring flowers bloom then be knocked back or killed off by raging winds brought in from the seas or the Arctic..blackened, made brittle, in a suddenly hostile “spring”.

I know there are people, many folks, committed to changing what’s happening. They’re opposed by those who, largely because of commercial interests, are turning a blind eye to what’s happening to the natural world and the weather and climate globally. Those folks, they have an “I’ll be dead and buried by the time it gets *that* bad so might as well ignore it now and make my cash whilst I can” attitude.

I hope none of them have bairns.

But I remember, until I was a young adult, winters full of glorious deep soft snow, snow that lasted, and only rare storms that brought a little excitement into life, not danger. I remember the reliability of Spring arriving, when you *knew* you could sow seeds, plant bulbs, plan a garden and not fear your efforts to grow food for your family would be wiped out in one horrendous powerful superstorm.

I also remember summers, even in Scotland, even that far north, of sunshine that didn’t scald and overheat (with one exception being one year on the Isle of Arran, which I guess was my first taste of a too-hot summer...I’d brought cold weather clothes on a camping trip and the heat made car tyres melt and stick to the equally melting tar on the roads!)

Yet my last few years when in Belgium, my husband’s home nation, the summer’s heat hit the high thirties, often forty degrees, and it was killing heat. Literally. Old people, those with respiratory or heart conditions, died from it. Shops opened their doors at nights so that homeless or vulnerable folks could bring sleeping bags and bed down next to their freezers. Human kindnesses amidst crises.

I grieve personally for the loss of snow, which probably sounds crazy. But I do. I grew up with it, know it and the magic and beauty it brings, and I miss it, *have* missed it, for years now, the past couple of decades if not more.

A couple of years ago in our northwest Scottish home, we didn’t have enough money for our only source of heat, the one open fire in the livingroom. And it was winter, and temperatures hit record lows...minus twentyfive.

And we sat in our layers of clothing, coats and hats, barely able to move because the cold when it’s that low makes you slow and clumsy and tired. And because we were broke, we ran out of food and I was reduced to making scones, day after day, for a week, with the bag of flour, half tub of margerine I had left, and water, no milk.

It made us ill. Yet, we had a roof over our heads and knew others didn’t, so....

Poverty kills. End of. It does. And there’ve been times in life I’ve not had the money to pay for a stamp or buy food for myself, when I would starve to feed my bairns. I made it, we made it, but I wouldn’t want to do it again.

The big commercial companies, the investors in projects and trade that impacts the world’s climate, and most of the politicians, they have no idea what poverty is, nor do they give a shit. Lining their pockets and swelling their bank accounts is ALL that matters.

The weather? Let it go mad. People going hungry, dying? Not their fault. Homelessness? Pfft....

But I read the article about Irish politics. Young folks voted Sinn Fein based on lack of housing. That basic that should be a Right for everyone, a Home, too many simply can’t have.

As I said, I’ve been homeless more than once. In my case I had to literally sleep in doorways, in tree thickets in city parks. And for a young girl, that’s about as dangerous a situation as you can be in. And no, I’m not going there, because some memories need to stay buried.

So young folks voted with their hearts and in the right direction.

And it’s largely young folks who are looking at the now ruined global climate and trying to mend things.

Know what? I think they will, where my generation failed to even accept, at first, Climate Change existed. (present company excepted!)

#Ireland #Scotland #Snow #Climate #Politics #Rannoch Moor #Red Stag

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movetogetherau · 7 years ago

Text

Move together. A Yousana AU - Chapter 4

Summary, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Read it also on ao3

“Good afternoon Sana, Yousef. It’s nice to see you here again.”

“Yeah, we’ve got used to your coffee by now. I’ll have a black coffee and Sana...vanilla latte as always, right?”, Yousef says and looks over to Sana who’s standing right next to him.

Sana looks at him and raises her eyebrows in a surprised manner. She didn’t think he payed any attention to her coffee order. Apparently she was wrong.

“Yes, please.”

Actually, Sana shouldn’t be that surprised about Yousef knowing how she likes her coffee. In the past two months they’ve been going to that coffee shop almost every day. It started spontaneously, Sana was craving a nice vanilla latte and casually mentioned it to Fariha, who told her that she had been talking to Yousef about a new coffee shop that had just opened down the corner. What Sana didn’t expect was that her friend would call Yousef right in that moment and ask him if he still wanted to get that coffee they had been talking about. It ended with Sana and Yousef going to the coffee shop, just the two of them together, after Fariha had changed her mind last minute to work on her lines in the studio. Since that day, Sana and Yousef would go in their afternoon break, have a coffee together, and then walk back to the set just in time to start filming again.

“Wow, look at that. The first day he wrote ‘Joseph’ instead of ‘Yousef’ and now he finally knows your name. I’d say he’s improving!”, Sana says with a smirk before taking a sip of her sweet coffee.

Yousef and Sana both look at the curly-haired barista, standing behind the counter on the other end of the room. Laughing, Yousef puts down his cup on the table and turns to Sana.

“Well, I mean, we’ve been coming here everyday. Also, I’m still kind of offended about that. Do I look like a Joseph to you?”, Yousef says, shaking his head as if his name being Joseph is completely impossible.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know what you look like to me”, Sana tries to be serious but as soon as she sees Yousef’s reaction she bursts out laughing. He has his eyes narrowed at her and dramatically leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh? What do I look like to you then? Enlighten me, please!”, he says, raising his eyebrows and silently challenging Sana.

“Maybe one day I’ll tell you...Right now your coffee is getting cold and we have to be back in five minutes”

@SanaBakkoush_fan: ‘Sana Bakkoush and co-star Yousef Acar take a break from filming to have coffee together’

-x-

“Have I ever told you that I worked in a coffee shop once?”

Yousef widens his eyes and raises his eyebrows at Sana’s words. If there’s something that he didn’t expect was one, Sana telling him a fact about her life and two, Sana working in a coffee shop when her coffee knowledge was limited to knowing the difference between a latte and a vanilla latte.

“You did?”

Sana laughs at his surprised tone but nods.

“Yeah, but only for like two weeks. I was so bad at it.” Remembering those two weeks is something Sana doesn’t like to do but looking back on it now she can laugh.

“Wow, I didn’t know that there was something Sana Bakkoush can’t do.” Yousef says jokingly but there’s truth in that sentence. He has not seen anything Sana couldn’t do in the time they were working together.

Sana raises one eyebrow at him and shrugs.

“I could do it, if I wanted to”

“Sure”, Yousef comments, obviously not believing her, or at least enjoying teasing her.

@YAcarfans: ‘Yousef has been seen spending time with actress Sana Bakkoush in between takes’

-x-

One thing Sana definitely likes most about LA is the weather. It’s almost always sunny and there is no really cold time. LA winter is nothing compared to the cold season in Oslo. So getting coffee in the winter and still being able to feel her fingers while walking out into the ‘winter air’ is very much appreciated by Sana.

Not that she can walk very far from the coffee shop because a girl comes running towards them. At first Sana thinks that she just desperately wants a coffee but when the blonde girl stops right in front of Yousef and her, Sana understands.

“Oh my God. Sana Bakkoush. I mean,... I just… would you maybe take a picture with me?”, the girl speaks so fast that Sana almost can’t understand a word. It helps that the girl holds out her phone.

“Of course!”, Sana says with a smile, “So what’s your name?”, she asks while the girl finds her place next to Sana.

“Katie. I’m Katie.”, she says, already hugging Sana to her side. She’s small but pretty strong, Sana thinks. The girl looks at Sana with wide eyes: “And you’re Sana Bakkoush.”, her gaze wanders towards Yousef who has been watching this scene in front of him with an amused smile.

“Oh God, and you’re Yousef Acar!”

When Katie turns to him, looking really excited with a big smile on her lips, Yousef feels a little overwhelmed. Seeing someone be so happy about seeing him is really nice but contrary to Sana, he’s not used to it.

“Me?...Well, yeah...hi!” Yousef is not really used to get recognized by people on the street, especially not in LA. Yes, he may be a famous model in Norway but this is the first time a fan notices him in the american city.

“Can you maybe get in the picture too? My friend loves you, she’ll be so jealous when I show it to her!” She smiles widely at him, she really seems very excited about provoking her friend’s jealousy.

Yousef laughs and quickly steps on the other side of Katie, giving the camera his best smile.

“You’re such a good model!” that makes Yousef blush a little, he’s definitely not used to that kind of comments

“And he’s not that bad of an actor either, you should totally see our movie when it premieres!”, Sana comments smilingly. Seeing Yousef unsure how to act around a fan is really .. well, cute. He blushed and stumbled over his own words.

“Are you kidding? My friend and I have been following the status of that movie since it was announced. We can’t wait to watch it!” Katie can barely stand still. She’s standing between two of the most talked about people right now and it turns out they’re both really nice. How lucky can a fan be?

“I’m really glad to hear that...Do you maybe want me to sign you something for your friend? I mean...if you want.” Yousef is uncertain, maybe that sounds a little bit egocentric? All he wants is to make that girl’s friend happy, and since apparently she likes him that much the least he can do is do something for her.

“You would? Yes please!” She takes a piece of paper and a pen from her bag and hands them to Yousef with trembling hands, she still can’t believe that she’s meeting two of her favorite people in the world “Her name is Maria!”

“To Maria, I really hope that you like the movie. Thank you for following my work, it means a lot to me. Love, Yousef Acar” he says as he writes it down on the paper “P.S.: Sana Bakkoush is also here and would like to sign this too.”

Yousef glances over to Sana while writing and saying that and can see her smile at him, as well.

This time Sana takes the paper from him and smiles while writing.

“Sana Bakkoush here. Thank you for your support, Maria. You should know that you were the first person your friend Katie thought about as soon as she saw us, you’re lucky to have a friend like her as I’m sure she is to have a friend like you. Always remember that friendship is above all. Love, Sana Bakkoush”

Yousef follows what Sana is writing and when she draws a small heart behind her signature he can’t stop himself from smiling. As if the text she wrote for Katie and Maria is not cute enough she had to take it to another level. His eyes follow as Sana gives the paper to the blonde girl and hugs her one more time.

@Katie.16: ‘I ran into Yousef Acar and Sana Bakkoush today!! I took a photo with them and they signed a paper for my friend.’

@Maria2002: ‘@Katie.16 They both signed it and added some cute messages and even a heart! They’re so great’

@Katie.16: ‘@Maria2002 You should’ve seen them. They were so cute to me and just together ♥’

-x-

“ ‘You should’ve seen them. They were so cute to me and just together’ and a heart emoji. Sana Bakkoush, is there something you need to tell me?”

Sana looks up from the prop phone she’s holding. For some reason, she can never get used to those. They’re taking a two minute break in between takes of an emotional scene with Sana’s character Dounia and her sister. Fariha is holding her actual phone in her hand and reading something off Twitter, which she then shows Sana.

Sana steps closer and reads the Tweet herself and looks back up to her co-star.

“Oh, that must be a girl Yousef and I met the other day outside the coffee shop during a break.”, Sana casually mentions and starts smiling when remembering that encounter. It was really sweet.

“Yeah, you two have been taking a lot of breaks together lately.”, Fariha comments with a distinctive tone, trying to imply something.

“Well, you were the one that told us to go to that shop in the first place. You know you can tag along every time you want.”

Fariha grins at her friend, who she thinks is trying to play down what she’s thinking.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”, Fariha says. When Sana doesn’t seem to pick up on her change of tone, she feels like rolling her eyes. Her friend usually is very quick to understand.

“Why would you be intruding?”

Sighing Fariha throws up her hands and shakes her head at Sana.

“Sana. I’m trying to be subtle here but you’re clearly not getting it. Are you or are you not dating Yousef?”

Dating Yousef? Sana is so surprised by this question that she can’t do anything but stare at her friend for a few seconds. When she snaps out of it Sana quickly answers.

“What?! Yousef? Yousef and me? Dating? No, no, no, no. I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just friends. Maybe not even that...we’re colleagues, co-stars. Co-stars that have coffee together”

“Co-stars that have coffee together and ‘are so cute’. Are you sure there’s nothing between you two?” Fariha is not letting it go this fast. Let’s just say, not being the only one detecting something more than friendship between Sana and Yousef made her a bit happy.

“Positive. There’s nothing between us. You know I wouldn’t date a co-star, that’d get messy.” No, she’s not dating Yousef. She’s not dating anyone right now. Especially not a co-star.

“So...you’re not dating Yousef because he’s a co-star?” Fariha grins, thinking she’s being very clever with this approach.

“I know what you’re playing, Fariha. No, I’m not dating Yousef because I don’t like him like that, co-star or not.”, Sana says in a tone that suggests that this should be the last of this conversation.

“Okay girl, if you say so…”

-x-

There’s one thing Sana and Yousef clearly agree on. Being late is not something they enjoy. They actually really can’t stand it. But sometimes, well sometimes you forget about the time. This only happens when the conversation you’re having is so interesting that you don’t notice for how long you’ve been talking.

Remembering their first day filming together and how their dynamic changed throughout the weeks they’ve been co-stars was one aspect of that long conversation that brought the two of them into this situation. Now they’re both panting by the time they reach the studio. As expected, everyone is already there, sitting in front of the screen, waiting for them.

“Sorry we’re late. We were…”, Yousef tries to say while trying to breath properly after running all the way from the coffee shop to the studio.

“Yeah, I can imagine what you were doing. Just save the details for the tabloids.”, their cast mate Mike says with a dirty grin, making two people in the room laugh.

“Sana, Yousef, the fact that we’re done filming doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be late. We’re all waiting for you to watch the bloopers together.” Ben, the director of the movie, says like a parent telling off his children in a somewhat loving way.

Sana and Yousef share a quick look.

“Sorry” Sana says in a low voice as she finds her sit next to Fariha.

Yousef sits right next to her but he’s too focused on his own embarrassment for being late to hear what Fariha has to say to Sana.

Fariha jabs Sana’s side lightly and smirks at her.

“See? I’m not the only one that thinks there’s something between you two.”

Sana doesn’t even look at her friend. She’s embarrassed enough for now, she doesn’t need more reason to blush.

“The video is about to start.”, she whisper-shouts.

“Suddenly, you’re so interested in the video.”

It’s obvious that people really were just waiting for Sana and Yousef because as soon as they sit down the lights are dimmed and the video starts playing.

The first two blooper scenes are of Mike forgetting his line in a intense scene which makes everyone laugh because Mike himself can’t stop laughing.

Then, the first scene Sana and Yousef ever shot together comes up. Well, it’s actually their sixth take, after Yousef’s five attempts to say his line. In that sixth take he finally managed to say it but then he had smiled at Sana and she had ended up smiling too, messing the scene.

“Okay, that wasn’t my fault!” Sana defends herself as everyone laughs, “It’s Yousef’s fault.”

“What? How?”

“You have a funny face. You made me laugh.”

Yousef is about to answer to that with a snarky comment but then the afore-mentioned five takes with him not being able to say his lines appear on the screen, causing everyone to laugh once again.

“See? The boy doesn’t have that many scenes and he still manages to mess it up”

“Yeah? And whose fault is that?”

Sana and Yousef hold each other’s gazes and don’t look away. If this was two months ago they would be glaring at each other. Right now, though, they’re just smiling knowingly. Yousef rhetorical question is probably understood differently by everyone else in the room compared to Sana. Those smiles make clear to both of them that they’re the only ones who know how Yousef really meant it. Neither of them has any negative feelings concerning that. Not anymore.

To be very honest, Yousef had forgotten about his scenes being cut because of Sana asking for it. He still doesn’t know why that happened but after they started filming, and he got to know the cast and especially Sana better, he just let go of it.

-x-

“Sana, Yousef, thank you for joining us.”

Sana and Yousef enter the writers’ room. They had met in the parking lot and quickly figured out that neither of them know why exactly they are here. Both of them got a call from their agent to come to the set and meet them now. A week after they wrapped filming.

Their agents, the writers and producers of the movie and two people Sana only notices from meetings for the promotion tour are looking back and forth between Sana and Yousef.

“Is there something wrong?” Sana asks. She’s been in a lot of movies before and she’s never had a meeting like this, with such short notice, unless it was because there had been a problem.

“No, quite the opposite, actually.”

“Ever since the beginning of the filming we’ve been really interested in seeing people’s reaction about the cast. It’s important that the public likes you.”, Robert, the head of the publicity- team for the movie says.

“Exactly. And the thing is that everyone loves you, both of you.”, Sana’s agent Agnes says, not really looking at either of the actors in the room.

“That’s a good thing, right?” Yousef has no clue to where this conversation is going.

“Yes, it is. But it could also be a bad thing if people are disappointed later...I don’t know if you’re following me.”, one of the writers says but Yousef was too distracted by Agnes’ ambiguous look to see which one it was.

“I know I’m not” Yousef admits and looks at Sana who seems as clueless as he is.

“Me neither, what is going on?” She’s starting to get nervous. Why don’t they just tell what this is about?

“Okay, I’m going to go straight to the point. People are starting to think that you’re a couple.”, Bendikt, Yousef’s agent says quickly.

Immediately Sana and Yousef look at each other. With wide eyes Sana turns to her agent while Yousef, looking overwhelmed by this, keeps his gaze on his agent. Why would they order them to come here to only talk about rumours?

“A couple?”, Yousef exclaims. What exactly is he supposed to say or do now? Rumours are not a new thing in Hollywood but he’s confused as to why he’s here now.

“Yes...so we have to ask, are you a couple?”

“No, no, of course not. We’re just friends.”, Sana answers growing irritated. She had heard this from Fariha more than once but that’s completely different from hearing the producer of your next big movie ask you that.

“Well, that’s going to be a problem.” A blonde man Yousef has never seen before comments. It takes everything in him to not glare at that man.

“Huh? Now I’m definitely lost- Do you want us to hate each other…?” Yousef looks at his agent who is clearly avoiding his gaze. He knew acting would be different from modeling but right now he’s not understanding anything.

“No, in contrary, actually.”, one of the people staring at them says. Yousef is not even sure who that is. “We think that since people like you two together so much and we’re about to start the promotion of the movie...maybe it’d be a good idea to let people think what they’re already thinking”

“It would help promote the movie and it’d only be until it’s all over. It could even beneficiate both of you. I’m sure you would get some really good offers.”, the oldest writer says, “And it wouldn’t hurt when more people go to see the movie because of this.”

“I still don’t understand. What are you saying?” Sana asks, she’s starting to lose her patience.

“Sana, Yousef...we need you to pretend that you’re dating”

#move together au #skam #yousana au

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miobambiino · 8 years ago

Text

Hold On Back (Before Stepping Forward)

Gift fic for one of my favourite fanfic authors @musicalluna! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it

"I'm holding you to this, Wilson."

Clint's quip only served to deliver himself a considerably sized handful of snow from Natasha and a long-suffering sigh from Rhodey, who was largely consumed in a startlingly orange SHIELD-issue puffer jacket he'd picked up before everything went to hell on the jet.

Clint had his arm swung round Sam's shoulder, Steve on his other side, helping the injured man trek through the snow.

"Gee thanks, Barton - hey, next time, I won't step in to shove this goon out the way a hail of fire. You'd be cool with that, right man?" Sam shot back without much heat, gesturing toward Steve who was supporting most of Sam's weight on his side. Not that it was particularly strenuous for him, being a super soldier and all.

"'M'not a goon," Steve mumbled through a barely concealed smirk, "I could've handled it jus' fine."

It was supposed to be a straight-forward operation: get in, retrieve the data from the hydra outpost on the Winter Soldier project, and get back out. Sure, they hadn't been cocky about it, they prepared well and took the necessary precautions; what they hadn't counted on, however, were the agents to be armed with extra-terrestrial weaponry. Tony had marked it up to being modified Chitari weaponry. Apparently not even S.H.I.E.L.D had the scope to track down every piece that went missing from the Battle of New York - alien weaponry tended to sell fast and at insane prices on the black market.

The mission had gone as expected up until Hydra pulled the big guns out, literally. Hydra had concentrated their efforts to strike-team alpha - Steve, Bucky, and Sam. Since the loss of their asset, Hydra have been particularly keen on getting their hands back on a super soldier, or two. Sam had only just managed to swoop down to push Steve out of the way of a blast that would surely have immobilised him for the rest of the operation - only in doing so did he crush his left arm under his own and Steve's weight at an unnatural angle.

Hydra weren't incompetent, they knew how to launch an attack. Agents had hounded on each division of the team like a pack of ravenous dogs. By now, they knew what to expect from the Avengers, and were merciless with their approach. Rhodey and Tony had been disabled by an intense EMP developed for their suits especially, delivering excruciating electrical shocks through them, weighed down by motionless tonnes of metal. Sam had a clean break to his arm, and Clint wheezed with each step he took. Possible broken ribs, Steve had thought - praying it wasn't a punctured lung too. Himself and Bucky weren't badly off, though both exhausted enough that the trek in the middle of knee-deep snow was taking its toll. Besides, neither of them had particularly fond memories of the ice.

After hastily retrieving the data they had come for, they withdrew to the quinjet. The jet wasn't much better off than they were, and in the mist of the battle, they hadn't noticed a one piece of critical information.

There was a stowaway onboard.

"Fall back!" Steve hollered which holding Sam to his side, who had taken on a sickly grey tone to his skin. The break was bad, and Sam was only dimly aware of the situation going on around him.

Steve had his back, though. I'm gonna be okay.

Natasha and Clint turned on their heel every so often on their sprint back to the jet, firing minimal but fatal shots to their attackers who were starting to get desperate. Usually, Hydra wanted to keep most of them alive; Avengers made for spectacular bargaining chips - or so they assumed, since it wasn't like they'd ever managed to hold on to one very long (Bucky's time as the Winter Solider doesn't count).

Bucky was waiting for them at the bay doors, watching his teammates' backs as they drew nearer to the jet, using a sniper-rifle to pick out hydra agents who were getting too close for comfort. Clint and Natasha eventually joined him, Nat starting up the engine ready for a hasty retreat.

"Colonel! Can you manage?" Steve had yelled over his shoulder as he neared the bay doors with Sam. Rhodey and Tony were a few short paces behind, both armed but weighed down by the armour they hadn't been able to scramble out of in time.

"Worry about yourself, Rogers!" He shot back with gritted teeth; though the prosthetics wrapped around his legs allowed him to move his legs again, it wasn't exactly easy sailing running through snow while under fire.

They all reached the bay doors, Tony and Steve scrambling on as it began lifting off the ground - they'd wanted to get Sam on first, Rhodey heaving him up from inside the jet. Steve hauled himself up with a grimace, automatically reaching for the scruff of Tony's undersuit and yanking him the rest of the way up unceremoniously too.

That earned him a steely glare from Tony, who shrugged off Steve's arm and stood up just as the bay doors firmly closed behind them with a small hiss.

"I'm capable of managing myself, thanks." Tony breathed out as he brushed past Steve towards the cockpit where Nat was driving the jet forward. Steve watched as the smaller man sauntered off and hefted himself into the co-pilot seat, tapping in co-ordinated for the nearest landing zone occupied by friendlies. Steve huffed out a barely suppressed sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose firmly, pursing his lips tightly together.

"Didn't say you were, Stark." He said, mostly to himself. Since the ordeal with the accords, the team had shoddily come back together for 'the greater-good', as out by Agent Hill. Hydra may have crawled back into the shadows they had come from, but they were certainly no-less of a threat than they had been before. If anything, their recent losses to Cap and his team made them itching to strike back, harder and more efficiently. Steve was so tired of fighting them, a bone-deep kind of tired that permanently was etched into his features.

Cut off one head, two more shall grow in its place.

A stifled groan escaping Sam's lips drew his head out of the back of his mind - somewhere he was venturing far too often these days, and he came to his side.

"Hey listen man, I know I fucked up back there, I didn’t pan it all the way through. It really could of gone better-"

"Don't- just don't put this on yourself, Sam" Steve cut in, "the op was going to hell before you were down, we-"

This time it was Sam that cut him off, "I don't regret doing it, hell, I know it was going to shit before I went and broke my damn arm, but still, I held you and Buck back. Pro'ly would've gone better if I landed right but," Sam hissed as Steve wrapped up his injured arm, but carried on a beat later, seemingly ignoring what was bound to be an apology from Steve, "but, like I said, I'm not going to be sorry for saving your ass - again."

That earned a snort from Steve, who finished up wrapping his arm when Clint plonked himself down on the bench opposite Sam. The archer tsked as he adjusted his quiver, loosening it up off his shoulder, shaking his head slowly.

"Can't take this guy anywhere," he drawled playfully. Sam eyed him dubiously, a quirk playing on the corner of his mouth. "See, if you landed on your own two feet instead of - you know - your fuckin' face, we might've had a slightly smoother exit back there."

Clint was clearly joking as an effort to ease the sense guilt he and Steve both knew Sam was harbouring. He's saved Steve and probably actually given them a great chance of getting out alive - two super-soldiers is better than one, after all. Though, Sam had felt particularly useless while he was consumed in agony and had to rely on Steve to keep his head on straight while they made their escape.

"C'mon Sam, don't flatter yourself, you aren't all that hard to carry you know" Steve smiled at his friend, who returned the expression albeit slightly twisted in pain. "And he landed in his arm, not his face, Clint."

"Huh, why's it look all funny like that then?" Clint asked, feigning genuine curiosity. Sam merely rolled his eyes, nonchalantly taking his right combat boot off to throw at the archer's head.

"Violence is not key" Nat's voice rang from the front of the jet, not taking her eyes off the windscreen for a moment while she steered them away from any immediate danger.

They hydra outpost was desolate and practically impossible to reach on foot. Out in the wilderness of Norway, it had been hard enough locating the outpost which - like most of hydra's bases - was underground. The landscape was covered in a thick layer of snow, making the mountains in the distance barely visible through the snowfall which was beginning to pick up at a reasonably worrying pace.

"We're low on fuel, Tony, is there anywhere we can set down in range or do I just land us in the next clearing?" Natasha's face was set with grim determination. She was the same after every mission, only tending to her own injuries until they were definitely out of the fray; not that she ever let on to anyone she was hurting. That had been one of the first things trained out of her - showing weakness.

Tony huffed in frustration, and smacked the dash fruitlessly when the systems wouldn't cooperate properly. This was his tech, damn it! It should be fully operational no matter the weather - snow storm be damned.

"Nada I'm afraid," Natasha tossed a glance his way and a frown made its way between her brows.

"'Nada?' Seriously?" Tony just nodded in response, glancing back with a tight-lipped smile when Rhodey appeared over their shoulders.

"God, don't pull that face, it's not near as assuring as you think it is." Rhodey laughed softly, then directed his attention to Nat.

"Systems aren't fully functional, though you've probably figured that out for yourself." The man said as he shuffled into a seat behind them, leaning forward into their space from his seat. "Must've become compromised by stray shots from the agents back there. Best bet is to land somewhere far enough away from that mountain range - we need a signal strong enough to get back a message to base to come get us out of here."

Natasha nodded, and began to open her mouth when a loud electrical whine sounded from under the jet. After a moment the whine grew into an even louder blast that thrummed through the belly of the jet.

Steve and Bucky shot up from where they stood, only to stumble when the jet shuddered unnaturally. Clint reached across towards Sam and strapped him in, despite the other man's protests, and gripped firmly onto one of the bright yellow handles swinging idly from the ceiling of the jet.

"What the fuck was-" Clint's surprised outburst was interrupted with the unmistakable sound of metal groaning underneath them.

Not a moment later the right engine startled to a halt, sending a few of them sliding into the opposite wall. The jet veered downwards, and alarms began blaring throughout the jet, seeing streaks of red lights across the interior.

Steve barely had a second to bark out a command to hold on before another blast rung through the jet, and the second engine failed on them. Steve felt his stomach suspended until it made a sickening drop and the jet plummeted downwards. Natasha unbuckled herself from the pilot seat, and in an instant as lunging behind the cockpit, hauling Tony with her and pushing Rhodes backwards with the force she exerted. Tony yelped before springing into action and holding onto his best friend, dragging them both to the back of the jet where Barnes was currently punching in an emergency code to open the bay doors.

Nat knew just as well as Bucky that they had a better chance of survival making a jump for it out the bay doors than being in the cockpit, where they'd most likely be skewered by the glass of the windshield when it shattered on impact.

The doors hissed open and immediately the team were encompassed my the freezing-cold air whipping through the door. Bucky grabbed onto one of the yellow handles with this metal arm and craned his head out the door, judging the drop distance from the falling aircraft.

His head whipped back to face the team, faces set determinedly, and yelled over the loud whistle of air around them.

"We gotta jump on my count or it ain't gonna be a pretty landing!" He bellowed at them, while Steve approached him, gripping into his friend's shoulder giving a reassuring squeeze.

"On his mark!" Steve repeated behind him, while Nat pulled Sam to her side, bracketing her body against his to insulate the fall in the hope of avoiding injuring his arm any more that it already was.

Tony felt Rhodey's arm wrap around his side and pull his securely against his side. He wasn't taking any chances of loosing Tony out in the middle of nowhere. Again.

Then Barnes issued the order, and they jumped.

They'd been walking for almost two hours when they spotted it.

They were all worse for ware, to say the least. Sam's arm had turned a dark maroon colour, and he could barely seem to focus on walking. Natasha had a limp even she couldn't hide, and Clint's wheezing rattled his chest. Steve and Bucky weren't bad off, but both were sporting a number of deep purpling bruises and more than a few cuts which were bleeding sluggishly.

Rhodey's legs were struggling; even if the snow wasn't knee-deep, the amount of time he was on his feet had well exceeded doctor's recommendations. Tony hobbled besides him supporting the majority of his friend's weight, keeping unusually quiet.

They all were silent. The last time anyone really piped up was half an hour ago, after Clint had erupted in heaving coughs and Nat had swore loudly when a splatter of crimson spat from his lips, violently contrasting against the sheet of white snow they were ploughing through. Definitely a punctured lung then, Steve thought grimly, resolutely trying to force down an emerging sense of dread from the pit of his stomach.

An hour before that Clint and Sam had been exchanging quips, keeping up morale. Though at this point, no amount of familiar banter could distract any of them from the fact that the longer they were out here uncovered, the worse off they'd be.

Upon surveilling the crash sight, they found their systems had been hijacked and dismantled, preventing FRIDAY from reading for any other life-signatures or readings of foreign devices on board. One ambitious Hyrda agent had concealed themselves in the belly of the jet, with a huge electromagnetic bomb strapped to their chest. On detonation, it released a shock thought the jet, sending its systems into shut-down.

The agent's mangled body, proudly clutching the hydra badge on his uniform, was all the evidence they needed to make the conclusion that Hyrda was sending out kamikaze's now.

They heaved a collective sigh of relief (well, in Clint's case, wheeze of relief) when Nat announced she spotted what looked like a shack of some kind. Any form of shelter was welcome at this point, they'd just been following a sparse amount of trees in the landscape hoping to end up near water. Usually by water there was some form of civilisation. The trees had grown more concentrated in the lead up to the cabin as it turned out to be, and Steve's heavy footsteps where all anyone could hear as they all waited at the foot of the cabin, waiting for their Glorious Leader to pry it open.

Not exactly the kind of civilisation they had hoped for, the cabin definitely hadn't been lived in for a long time judging by how stiff the door was and the coat of dust covering the minimal amount of furniture inside.

They all filed in, up the steps made of cobblestone and through the low arching wooden doorway of the cabin. It wasn't small, but not exactly spacious for seven people - let alone Avengers - to live in. But it was enough. There was a small kitchenette furnished with an old timely stove with rusting gas knobs, a coal furnace, and a few wooden cupboards that perhaps had a few rations in them - if they were lucky. Across from there was a cosy sitting area, consisting of two ratty sofa's that wouldn't look out of place abandoned on a sidewalk somewhere in Boston, an arm chair missing an arm, and an old Turkish rug. in the far right corner was a round wooden table with a five mismatch chairs, all of which looked like they'd probably snap under any of their weights - except maybe Nat (and Tony, but he would deeply resent being called little).

Steve and Natasha got to work searching for possible food in the kitchenette, while Bucky and Clint lead Sam to one of the sofas. Clint sat himself down with a groan, and Tony silently perched on the arm of the sofa, gently prying away the archer's vest to get a better look at his damaged ribs. Rhodey shut the door once everyone was inside, and noticed the small fireplace tucked behind one of the sofas. Bucky noticed too, and the two silently pushed the sofa into another position so they could access the fireplace, then began searching for anything they could burn. After all, Inside or not, it was fucking cold.

Clint eyed Tony warily as the smaller man gently felt around his ribs, trying to get an idea on the damage. Since the ordeal with the accords and the barbs Clint had directed at Tony from behind bars, their once playful friendship had become cold and unsettled. Clint had trusted Tony, but after the... disagreement (he refused to call it a Civil War, for gods' sake), he had questioned whether Tony had their best interests in mind or his own.

Though, Clint did feel moderately guilty for ever having doubted his friend, because yes, despite it all they were still friends. Hell, even he and Nat had disagreed, so maybe he'd been hasty to judge Tony's motives. Maybe.

Tony surveyed Clint for a few minutes, eventually pulling away and looking Clint in the eye.

"Well, you're not gonna die of a punctured lung," Tony finally declared dryly, and the room's tension seemed to alleviate slightly. "I'm not Bruce - though he would just say 'I'm not that kind of doctor, Tony' - but your ribs are definitely broken. You're a lucky son'f-bitch that it hasn't punctured anything, but it will if you move too much."

"He won't be." Nat cut in, levelling Clint with a glare that read, you better not be so long as I'm here, asshole.

"So not gonna die of a punctured lung," Clint mused, "hooray for small victories."

"Nah, but you might if you don't get that disinfected." Tony said as he nodded casually at the gash in Clint's other side where his quiver had dug into him on impact of their less-than-graceful landing.

"But why the-" Tony finished Clint's sentence for him.

"The coughing-up blood thing? Yeah, not what you thought it was. It's not bleeding in your lungs, but looks like you're bleeding internally somewhere else. Nothing much," Tony added when Sam turned to took at the two of the with wide, concerned eyes, "probably just knocked something on the impact, but take it easy, y'know, in case."

Clint grimaced, then sucked in a sharp breath when Natasha appeared over his shoulder with a rag soaked in alcohol, dabbing it over the wound without so much as a warning.

Steve surveyed the situation from the kitchen; Bucky and Sam were talking in hushed voices, Buck wrapping Sam's broken arm up in a makeshift swing from a ripped up shirt (his ripped up shirt, he noticed fondly), Nat was sorting out Clint, pretending not to notice the way Clint was glowering at her ankle, which come to think of it was bending rather oddly. Rhodey and Tony sat I front of the fireplace, Rhodey starting up a fire and Tony checking the prostheses structure supporting Rhodey's legs.

Steve still felt guilt like a wave of nausea at the sight of it.

He and Tony hadn't spoken one-on-one much since the team had haphazardly come back together. They put their differences aside to tackle the ever growing threat of hydra, and other newly emerging terrorist groups with genocide on their agenda.

While Tony was quieter around him nowadays, he was unusually so at the moment. Steve was about to chalk it up as being concerned for his teammates (family a small voice at the back of his mind substituted), when Tony quietly got up and wandered over to one of the dubious looking chairs around the table at the back. The smaller man sat down quietly, chair creaking ominously but staying put, and Tony undid the zip if his undersuit, clearly looking for something underneath.

From where he stood, Steve couldn't see what, but he could see blood, and the way Tony's hands shook as we went for a bottle of ethanol he'd brought with him to the table. Steve often wondered why Nat seemed so easygoing with Stark, and eventually Steve caught on to the fact the two were remarkably similar in a number of ways. For one, they both chewed out the others for hiding any injuries, taking the responsibility of making them better into their own hands, but then slinking off to lick their own wounds in private.

Clint was now observing Nat's ankle ("dammit Nat you shouldn't have been walking in this unsupported for so long" "as if I wanted to lean on you, govniuk, you were spitting blood, it was gross") so Steve strode over to where Tony was sat, and noticed the way Tony immediately yanked the zipper of his undersuit back up.

"Shy all 'a sudden, Stark?" Steve drawled, a twang of his Brooklyn accent seeping into his words. Tony merely looked unimpressed, but the awkward twitch of his fingers under the table made Steve pity him, and he dropped the snark.

Steve knelt in front of Tony's chair (no way in hell would he sit on one of those impending disasters), reached across Tony from the bottle, and without further notice pulled the zipper of the undersuit down, revealing the man's very battered torso. Tony was about to protest when Steve but in, "I was in the war, Tony, s'not like I ain't seen fellas naked before."

Tony ignored the way Steve's Brooklyn drawl made his heart flutter because dammit he hasn't felt that way since Before™. Tony was at a loss for words for a moment before his mouth came up with

"You just said 'snot'."

"I said 'it's not', there's a difference," Steve paused before adding with a smirk, "shellhead."

"You totally did not, Rogers, and quit acting like I'm embarrassed. You have googled me, right? A few pages into YouTube and I'm pretty sure Perez Hilton has a sex-tape of mine from the 90's."

"You made a sex-tape with Perez Hilton? Gross, man" Clint snorted as he came to perch on the back of the sofa, facing the table Tony and Steve were sat at.

"Don't even joke about that, I'm shocked and offended and would like you to go away. I've had enough of you. Goodbye." Clint just chuckled in response to Tony, and it felt good, familiar. There was an unspoken element of hope in the air that things could get back to normal, and Steve ducked his head to hide the smile that played on his lips.

Steve took the opportunity of Tony distracted in his banged with Clint to peek under the fold of the zipper, revealingly a deep cut in Tony's abdomen. Steve winced before pouring the alcohol at it, holding Tony firmly in place while the other man let out a started Yelp and hiss of pain. He couldn't tell from the outside of the undersuit Tony was hurt, which was predominantly due to the fact the dark material made it extremely difficult to see the bleeding.

"Jesus fuck, Cap, could you have given me a heads-up first?" Tony hissed out in rapid breaths as Steve began to reach for the first aid kit he kept in one of the pockets on his utility belt ("you're such a Boy Scout oh my god, Steve, are you shitting me right now?!" "Barton be quiet") and pulled out a small amount of thread and needle saved for wounds that even the serum sometimes needed help healing.

"Nope, 'cause you would'a just kept fidgeting - hold still, Stark!"

Rhodey just listened to the fuss his friend was making, smiling and shaking his head fondly as he got up from the fireplace where a reasonable fire was now starting to burn, and set down next to Sam where Barnes had not long been sitting.

"How's it holding up?" Rhodes tried, eyeing the somewhat shoddy-looking sling that hung around Sam's shoulder.

"Would like to say it's fine, but, shit if it doesn't make wanna make me throw up!" Sam laughed shakily, earning a smile from the older man in return. Sam and Rhodey had gotten on like house on fire before the accords, both being military men through and through. Sure, Rogers was too, but after many a late night at college with a seventeen year-old Tony Stark drunkenly ranting about never being good enough for 'Dear-Old Dad', and then catching wind of what was said on the helical river of their first meeting, Rhodey was less inclined to like the Captain. Yes, it was mildly petty of him but damn that man for making his best friend feel so small. He'd worked very hard to get that out of him over the years, thank you very much, Rogers.

It was nice, being able to have a conversation with Sam again without any underlying heated argument. Since hydra's attacks became more frequent and more concentrated, putting their own differences aside was necessary, and dammit if it wasn't refreshing to just talk.

Natasha watched with a growing sense of fondness at the scene before her, then becoming acutely aware of someone watching her - not that she let it show. Her and James hadn't ever really spoken since Bucky was just Bucky and not the Winter Soldier. There was a time when she'd have given anything to see him again, to speak to him alone because he was hers. Now, she wasn't even sure he truly remembered her. He looked as if he recognised her, the same way you recognise a stranger you passed on the street in a dream. He looks at her as if trying to figure something out, which he undoubtably is, but Natasha doesn't give anything away.

Natasha Romanoff met Bucky Barnes for the first time in a jail cell in Wakanda. Natasha Romanoff met the a Winter Soldier for the first time on a roadside protecting her mechanic. Natalia Romanova met James for the first time as a young girl in the Red Room, but she doesn't even know how much of her James is left in Bucky.

"Are you just going to loom, Barnes, or can I help you with something?" She asked dryly after a few moments. She eyed James Bucky from where she leant over the counter of the kitchenette. If he was startled he didn't show it, and simply stepped more clearly into her line of sight.

"S'gonna get even colder soon, did you manage to get much from the wreckage?" He spoke quietly, yet could be heard as clear as a bell.

"Some essentials," she replied, "emergency food, spare clothes - ones in one piece, that is, flashlights, first-aid, few rounds of ammo. It's all that I could really recover." Bucky nodded in understanding, the jet had been a wreck when it landed; they all salvaged as much as they could, but they weren't exactly in an abundance of supplies.

Almost as if on queue, Clint who had slunk of at some point to rummage around the cabin emerged what looked like spare rags, throws, blankets, and if Natasha wasn't mistaken a rug. Sam had also seemed to notice the same thing.

"I don't care what any of y'all say, I'm not using a damn rug as a blanket. Dibs on the red one." Sam declared, and Natasha plucked the red blanket from the pile tossed it in Sam's direction.

"All right," Steve announced, standing up from his perching position on the floor, "I say we rest now, get some energy and figure out food when we wake up. After that maybe one of use will be sane enough to think of some way we get outta this mess."

The nods and hums of approval from the others settled it, and they all began to gravitate towards the warmth of the fire. Bucky secured the door shut, shifting a heavy bucket of wet rocks of coal that sat by the doorframe in front of the door as a half-assed barricade.

Rhodey of course got to stretch his legs out across a sofa to himself, and Clint occupied the other to take any strain of his ribs that he might've gotten sleeping on the floor. Sam took the pillows of the armchairs and made himself a makeshift mattress, which no one complained about given the state of his arm.

This left Bucky, Nat, Tony, and Steve to lie on the rug in the middle. For a while they lead awkwardly, trying their upmost to avoid nudging each other, until Nat sighed and let her head roll onto Tony's shoulder. She felt him tense momentarily underneath her, until relaxing and turning to face her slightly, enjoying the warmth radiating off her small frame. Eventually Steve and Bucky let go of their reluctance and settled into the others, shifting comfortably until the adrenaline of the day wore off, and they succumbed to sleep.

When Tony woke, it wasn't light like he was expecting.

They had all been ridiculously tired and hurt - Tony assumed the only chance of it still being dark when he woke up was if he slept until the next evening, which it definitely was not. No way would the others have let him sleep that long, they enjoy distrusting his sleep far too much.

The moonlight made the snow outside glow softly, subtly illuminating parts of the cabin. Tony shifted to sit up slightly, careful not to press on his new stitches thanks to Steve. For a guy with large hands, Steve had a remarkable skill for detail, probably because of all the time he spent sketching privately.

Tony plucked himself out of Steve's grip, who apparently locked his arms around his waist in his sleep. Steve'd never do that consciously, surely (right?). Looking down fondly at the blonde, the hairs on the back of Tony's neck stood up suddenly, sending chill down his spine - not a pleasant one, either. Glancing around the room, Tony took a sudden intake of breath when he noticed Barnes had silently gotten up too, looking alarmingly alert for such an ungodly hour in the morning.

Barnes' mouth was set in a thin line, barely making a sound as he breathed. He's listening for something, Tony realised, when a noise outside drew his attention towards to door. He almost didn't hear it, but a rustle of movement beside him and Nat was now wide awake too.

Something wasn't right then.

Soundlessly, the three of them got up and crept across the floor of the cabin, Bucky nudging Steve awake as he did so, bringing a finger to his lips when Steve eyed him curiously and was about to speak up. Steve clearly sensed something was wrong too, and joined Natasha in looking carefully out the window through the drapes, riddled with holes and frayed at the tips.

Tony felt his heart beating in his mouth, and swallowed down the stir of dread pooling in his gut.

Pulling on boots and coats, the four of them regarded each other before Steve spoke in a hushed tone to them, "I say three of us check the area, and someone stays behind to keep watch if the others." Clint, Sam, and Rhodey were all fast asleep, oblivious to the tension around them, deeply sedated on the pain meds they managed to scramble together from the wreckage earlier.

Tony noticed the other three looking at him expectantly, and he huffed an air of annoyance. Of course, because he was without his suit he should be the one to stay behind, because without it, he's as good as a civilian. Steve read as much on Tony's scowl, and sighed gently.

"Stark- Tony, it's not that you aren't capable-"

"But I'm not as capable as you, got it."

Steve didn't look pleased by this, but ignored the comment in leu of the current situation. Like the fact they've probably been found by hydra, who's forces are currently trying to ambush them.

Sounds about right, Tony mused. Nat, Barnes, and Steve took a final once-over of the scene from the window and filed outside, gens turning signals to each other as they went.

Steve head out first, making a gesture behind himself a few yards from the cabin. With his left arm, he raised his forearm up, making an 'o' shape with his hand.

Hurry up.

Before they'd slunk out the door, they'd grabbed their handguns fixed with silencers. Nat and Barnes followed up behind Cap in a wedge formation, keeping enough distance between each other to get a good scope of the area around them. Tony craned his neck out the door as much as he could until all three were out of sight. The trees were much denser in this area which made the threat of an ambush much more likely.

Ten minutes past and Tony still hadn't seen or heard from the others. Rhodey had woken up, not nearly on as main pain meds as Sam and Clint, and had a pistol in hand from his spot on the sofa. Tony cursed whatever hydra goon had set off the EMP immobilising the suit. He and Rhodey had had to abandon most of their armours, not having enough time to get it back into working order. They'd made sure to blow it up first of course before retreating back to the jet.

Tony had kept his gauntlets on, and the reactor of course, and was currently in the process of trying to boot them back up. Without the reactor at full capacity though, it was a long and tedious process.

Another 10 minutes passed (well, actually 8 minutes, 37 seconds, 38, 39...) and Tony heard the muffled sound of a gunshot spit through the silence on the night air. Looking back at Rhodey for a moment, Tony thought fuck it, they probably could do with some help, and made a dash for it out of the door, into the cold biting air outside.

Clicking the door shut behind him, Tony scurried to the nearest evergreen to get some kind of shelter while he surveyed the area. His breath frosted in front of his nose, and be took a moment to control his breathing before heading in the last direction he saw the others go. Following in that direction, Tony regarded the bootprints left in the snow. Hydra issue combat boots had a distinction tread mark, and Tony followed them cautiously. As far as the hydra agents knew, only three Avengers we're currently out on the scene.

Hearing the crunch of snow underfoot a few feet ahead, Tony poked out from behind a large fir tree, adjusting the silencer into his gun, and picked off two hydra goons in two practised shots. Venturing out and searching the agents of anything useful, Tony heard a commotion a few yards ahead. Setting off in a sprint, Tony came to the edge of a clearing, throwing himself onto the ground before a steep drop into the clearing.

Steve was there, wrestling three agents off his back. One agent deliver a swift jab to his gut, only slightly making Steve double over, before he delivered a far more devastating uppercut to the hydra goon's chin, knocking him out cold. Steve then grappled with the agent over his back, trying to crush his windpipe with the rifle he was carrying. Steve got a grip on the rifle and tossed his attacker over his shoulders, where the guy landed in a graceless pile at Steve's feet. Scrambling for a handgun, the agent was cut short with a swift step to the neck from Steve.

The crack of bone breaking reverberated through the trees, and the third agent panicked momentarily before Steve shot him between the eyes in one graceful movement.

Steve was panting, shoulders heaving with adrenaline and fists clenching and unclenching as he caught his breathe. Tony kicked himself internally for not coming out sooner, since they clearly had needed the extra support. Steve was tired, which said a hell of a fucking lot about the current mess they were in. Tony was about to make his presence know to Steve when a spot of light caught his eye from amongst the trees a few yards behind Steve, who was busy kneeling down beside the agents, searching them for anything useful. A figure stepped out the shadows, raising a large looking blade into an offensive position.

Tony swallowed hard, then set his face determinedly, raising his own gun directed at the agent. Tony didn't want to risk yelling at Steve to warn him, since the agents reaction would be too unpredictable. Too many variables he is not willing to test.

Once in range, Tony focuses the barrel of the gun on the mark and pulled the trigger.

Click

Wait, no. No, no, no, no,

Click Click Click

The chamber was empty. Fantastic.

Grunting in frustration and feeling the sudden build up of panic and dread, Tony did the only rational thing he could think of, and lunged.

Steve spun around at the commotion, gun raised, before lowering it when he saw Tony. Tony was leapt down from a hight like a bat out of hell and sent himself and - and a hydra agent (how did he miss that, damn it?) skidding across the clearing.

The agent rolled Tony over onto his back and swung a meaty just at Tony's nose, grinning when it crunched under the impact. Tony kneed the guy in the groin, turning them both over again and began beating the agent again and again and again until he saw blood. Steve stood frozen for a few precious moments before running forward - and gracelessly slipping on ice.

His body landed with a ear-splitting crack on the ground, and for a moment everything stopped.

Tony had paused, fist frozen mid-air, and the agent's eyes were blown wide and startled. Steve only had a moment to realise what was happening; the deep echoing crack underneath them, and a split in the ice coming from under his body, headed like a bold of electricity towards the fight I front of him.

Steve didn't dare breathe.

Another large and ominous sound echoed underneath Tony and the agent, before Tony's eyes met his, panicked and wide, and Steve barely had a moment to call for Tony's name before the ice gave way and the two men out on the ice went crashing though the surface into the freezing cold mercy depths below.

"Tony!"

The shock of the freezing water sent Tony reeling back, thrashing against the water. He felt hands tighten around his jacket, pulling him under, pushing on his head, forcing it down and scrambling over his body.

Tony was loosing the feeling in his extremities, face burning with the cold. The other man forced him down again and again, as if he were nothing more than a buoy.

Tony's vision flashed bright white, the smell of blood and sweat thick in his throat suddenly, the burn on hot sand on his knees - but he was so cold - hands grabbing him by the roots of his hair, the scruff of his shirt, forcing him under vile water, making him retch uncontrollably when they brought him up, only to shove him back down before he could breathe again.

Breathe, breathe, God he needed to just breathe.

They brought him back up, and the gulped down the hot air like he was starving for it, only when we did, he choked and his airways flooded with ice, choking him intensely. Tony was suddenly grossly aware that he wasn't in Afghanistan, he was drowning in a frozen lake in the middle of nowhere, scrambling for life with a fucking Nazi.

Tony thrashed against the other man, biting down on the hand forcing his head deeper under the surface. He tasted copper in the water around him, kicking furiously to break the surface.

Until a boot collided with his nose, and everything went impossibly darker.

Natasha and James had broken off from Steve after noticing stray Hyrda lackeys attempting to establish a perimeter around their refuge. Like the agents they encountered at the base, they were heavily armed, but there were fewer of them this time. Much fewer.

Bucky was never a deep sleeper, especially after the war. Hearing the crunch of snow distantly outside woke him in an instant; he was surprised to see Tony awake - there was no way Tony with his regular hearing would have heard the approaching ambush, but perhaps a part of him sensed it, or whatever, Bucky thought.

Steve had followed the agents who split off eastward, while Nat and he stalked after the ones headed the other direction. The agents must've followed them in a jet of their own, though must have been thrown off course after the jet crashed. No doubt the snow concealed their tracks from the wreckage not long after they marched onwards.

Nat was in her element here, she'd trained in worse conditions than this. Raising her gun up, she didn't shiver even a bit, just followed at the heels of u suspecting agents through the thick foliage. Once they were both in range, they began taking shots at the ambush team, ducking for cover under slopes coated in sheets of snow. Bucky sprung from behind a fallen fir, driving his metal fist into an agent's chest, hearing it crack violently and the guy propelled backwards into two other agents, who had a moment to look panicked until Nat had delivered two precise marks into their skulls.

Not before long, Bucky and Natasha established their area as clear, before going to regroup with Steve. Jogging through the uneven landscape, kicking up snow as they went, they heard a large commotion ahead. Speeding up their pace, they emerged in a small clearing before Natasha suddenly came to a stop, red locks falling in front of her pale features, flushed pink from the biting cold, framing her face delicately.

"Wait," she whispered in a low tone, sticking her hand out at the same time, making a stop gesture to Bucky. Buck crouched down low upon seeing the scene in front of them, as if readying himself, monitoring the situation before him.

"Oh that stupid son of a bitch."

Steve was led on the ice, unmoving but hyper-aware of his surroundings. In his line of sight, Tony was straddling an agent, both of whom were frozen mid-scramble. Natasha raised her gun, reading herself to take the shot if the agent tried anything smart, when the ice cracked - echoing around the small valley they were in, before crunching and collapsing, dropping Tony and the lackey into the inky-black waters below.

Steve sprung upwards, ready to jump in to get Tony, when a stiffness overtook his body. It froze his arms at his side, he grit his teeth and trying to surge forwards, only to be betrayed by his own two feet, which were currently digging his heels into the ground.

It's not the Atlantic, you're not on that fucking plane. You. Are. Not.

Steve retreated this in his head like a mantra, but still couldn't will himself to move. Sucking in one last breath of air, Steve jumped as Bucky slid past him, and dove headfirst into the ice.

"Cap! Get back, the ice won't hold both of you!" came Nat's voice behind him.

Steve looked vaguely guilty before darting forward, until he saw Bucky break though the surface, Tony tucked under his arm. Through clenched teeth, Bucky hauled himself through the water. After one failed attempt at trying to climb back out the same hole, the soldier resorted to smashing the ice separating him from the bank of the lake. Steve began doing the same, and within a minute or two, was hauling the two men out the lake.

Bucky collapsed forward onto his hands and knees, dropping a limp Tony on his back on the bank. Tony's eyes were blown wide, and his nose was at an awkward angle, gushing with blood. Natasha scooped him up, supporting him from under his armpits,mane started leading him back to the cabin, Steve and Bucky a few short paces behind.

"Why didn't you fucking tell us what was going on - is that Ton- what the hell happened?!" Came Clint's voice hollering through the tree's. He was a few yards in front of the cabin entrance, absolutely seething. Storming forward, Clint hooked an arm round Tony and wordlessly helped Nat take him inside.

When Steve and Bucky stood through the door, Sam glared back at them. Shaking his head, he took one last glance outside, and tentatively shut the door. Rhodey had thrown more paper onto the fire, and Tony was set down in front of it. He was dripping wet, and Rhodey threw blanket after blanket over his friend. Bucky lingered back, until Sam approached his side.

"You're soaked through - don't try and tell me super soldiers don't feel the cold, you need to start warming yourself back up, and I don't care if it hurts your dignity," Sam pushed Bucky down by his shoulder, plonking him next to Tony, and bringing the blankets that currently swamped Tony over the other man's shoulders too.

Bucky shifted awkwardly next to Tony, who was barely suppressing the body-wracking shudders escaping from his control.

"Here," Steve knelt down beside Tony, while the others were pottering around, casting cautious looks out the windows and preparing some kind of herbal tea.

"Thanks - thank you, Tony, you had my back out there and I'm just sorry I-" Steve fumbled for the right worlds, before signing and settling on, "I promise I'll have your back next time, Shellhead."

Tony flinched when Steve pressed a cold rag against his nose, screwing his eyes shut at the pain ebbing from the break. When he opened them again, a soft expression passed over the blonde's features. Tony briefly returned the look, before settling his eyes over his hands.

"I do think you're capable, Tony," Steve said softly so only they could hear (well, Bucky could too, but he was strategically very hard on anything but the exchange going on beside him) "It's just, you take it the wrong way," Bucky whistled lowly, hissing a breath of air in an obvious cringe, and Steve backtracked quickly.

"I mean- it's not your fault, you haven't done anything wrong, you're just so, modest?" Tony raised his eyebrows at that; not at the way it had been posed as a question, but the fact no one had every called Tony Stark modest.

"You assume the worst out of things when it comes to yourself, but it's only because, well because I care."

Bucky had to stop himself snorting when he saw Steve glance at him thought the corner of his eye, as if to ask, was that the right thing to say?

Clearly it was, because the tension from Tony's shouldered rolled off, and he gave a tentative smile.

"Back at you, Cap," and with that, Steve got up and wandered over to the others, giving Tony a pat on the shoulder as he went by.

Tony and Bucky sipped at their tea, resolutely not looking at each other, before Bucky opened his mouth, mumbling into his drink, "'Back at you, Cap'? God, that was awful".

Tony scowled in Bucky's direction, who still hadn't lifted his eyes from his mug - but was definitely smirking into his drink - when Clint plopped himself down on the sofa next to them.

"S'good job you're rich, or you'd be stuck like that forever man," Clint interrupted, pulling a face at the awkward angle of Tony's nose, "Shit you look ugly."

Sam swatted the archer over the back of the head, kissing his teeth at the man in disapproval. Rhodey sat on the couch by Tony, leaning down and tilting his friend's chin upwards, evaluating the damage to his face, before placing a hand either side of his head firmly.

"Man, I won't lie to you, this will hurt just a little bit," Rhodey said matter of factly, ignoring the way Tony's expression morphed from one of confusion to sudden panic.

"No, no Rhodey do not-!"

Crack.

"Motherfucker, you son-of-a- fuck!" Tony groaned dramatically, grasping his hand over his newly adjusted nose. The others just chucked around him, until their laughter grew louder and more hysterical. Tony's groaning turned to giggles, though the occasional fuck hiccuped between them.

Natasha brandished two steaming mugs of tea in front of Tony and Bucky, snorting loudly at Tony's purpling face. Shaking her head, she fetched a wash-cloth from the kitchenette sink, and carefully scrubbed the trail of blood cascading down Tony's nose, lips, and chin.

Daylight was starting the break over the horizon, illuminating the snow outside, casting a soft glow into the cabin.

"Uh - what the fuck is this?" Sam asked carefully, eyeing the viscous white-goo Steve had just played up in front of him.

"C'mon its not that bad, it's just porridge and- stuff. It's good for you! Probably-?" He muttered the last part to himself, eyeing his own creation dubiously before settling down in his seat on the back of the couch, facing the small table.

Bucky, Natasha, and Clint all ate the food wordlessly, getting it down their throats without even tasting it. Rhodey did the same, albeit with a grimace, while Sam and Tony prodded at it, eyes filled with concern.

Should it be this sticky? Tony's eyes screamed at Sam, who just helplessly shrugged in response.

"Just eat it, Wilson, we can't exactly order take-out right now - it's what we've got." Steve said, rolling his eyes playfully.

"Well we didn't actually try-"

"What would we do, make smoke signals?" Rhodey grinned at his friend.

The room settled into a comfortable silence, only interrupted by the scrape of cutlery against the various pots and pans they ate from.

"You reckon you could piece something together?"

Tony looked up and noticed Barnes had directed the question at him, all eyes on his expectantly. Tony set his spoon down and leant back in his chair, considering.

"Well, sure. It won't be hard per-say - I can salvage something from the tech on your suits, make a communication devise or something that tells someone where we are. If we're lucky, S.H.I.E.L.D. will be looking for us-"

"They are" Natasha stated matter-of-factly, before letting Tony continue.

"-okay, but we're in the middle of nowhere, and with what we have to hand, I doubt anything I could make from it would reach far enough, we have no satellite dishes or anything to transmit a strong enough frequency-"

"The Hydra base," Sam cut in, "it's risky - really risky, we're down by quite a bit - but it may be the only realistic chance we have to get a strong signal out fast. And let's face it," he said, looking at their various current states of disarray, "we won't manage without proper medical supplies and food out here for much longer."

Steve nodded at Sam, then turned to look at Tony who - despite having a huge purple bruise forming over the bridge of his nose and around his eyes - looked at him determinedly.

"Alright," he agreed, "We prepare everything we've got, then we head out at sundown."

"I've been out on worse ops with even worse conditions, Cap, I'll manage with a broken rib."

Cap had decided just he Bucky and Nat would be going out armed, taking Tony with them for the technical stuff, as Bucky put it.

Rhodey and Sam were fairly content this - Rhodey wasn't ready to engage physically with the enemy without his armour at the moment, and Sam trusted Steve on this one. Besides, they had to watch Clint.

"One wrong move and that broken rib becomes a punctured lung, and we're royally fucked if that happens, Clint" Steve said sternly, challenging Clint to protest again. When Clint opened his mouth, Steve raised his hand, "That's an order, Barton. Just because you could go out right now, doesn't mean you should. It's not a necessary risk."

"He'll stay put," Sam spoke up, waltzing over to the table where the team were gathering together what supplies they had salvaged - dividing it into what was useful and what they could sacrifice to Tony to be disembowelled of its technological innards.

"Tony has a broken face, why does he get to go out?" Clint challenged, though given the fact he was now resting on the couch with his feet up, he'd backed down about going out himself.

"He won't go into critical condition under too much strain, unlike you, and he can still move his limbs," Steve shrugged a backpack on over his thick jacket and uniform, securing his shield to his forearm, "and he's kinda important for the whole getting help thing."

Tony grinned devilishly at Steve, who just huffed an amused sigh back.

"Kinda - don't let it inflate your ego."

"So," Bucky huffed, trudging through the snow, "you care about him?"

Steve sighed, having expected this conversation. Since the coming together after the accords, the divide among the team had never felt more clear. It cut deep, and God if it wasn't painful. The way they physically broke off from each other in missions.

Thing only changed one night when Clint, in all his anger at Tony, interrupted a personal moment. Tony had been sat in the dark of the Avengers a Tower communal room. They all lived there again, a grudging decision they made - as if forcing two broken halves of a vase would fuse back together upon contact. It would take more than proximity to fix the mend.

The room hadn't been lived in in a long time, filled with ghosts of memories of old movie nights, homey meals, game night and conversations that spiralled on for hours.

Clint couldn't sleep, being away from home got to him a lot lately. God, he missed them all. He'd wondered in the dark room, hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets, reminiscing of more comfortable times.

What he hadn't expected to see, was Tony Stark, leant over a grand piano - they all had assumed was some extravagant decor choice - with his shoulders shaking silently. Clint was about to turn round, until a pang grew in his chest. He and Tony used to be good friends. They shared the same witty sense of humour, used sarcasm as a shield, and used humour oozed from them as they told stories.

Damnit.

He'd wondered over, wordlessly sitting by the other man as his trembling fingers hovered over the Ivory keys

"My- ah," Tony steadied his shaking voice, coughing away the catch in his throat, "my mom, mi mamma - mia bella madre, she taught me to play."

Clint listened carefully. Tony didn't speak about his mother, especially since finding out about her death, the real reason, but she clearly meant the world to him. Tony had gingerly played the piano, and they began to talk, and eventually laugh. They watched movies, Tony spoke about his mom, Clint spoke about his family. One time he mentioned missing being able to come home to family, to hold them when he came home. He lived mostly at the tower for his duty, and he and Laura and agreed that his Avenging life stayed away from their home on the farm - there was to be a regular family, to keep his children safe.

The others gradually joined them in watching movies, and things began to pick up again. It was still... different ... but it was better, getting better, at least. They were fusing the two pieces back together, there was no hiding the mark left behind.

Steve had reached out to Tony, thought he other man was still hurting, and in truth Steve was too. But no matter how much Tony seemed to blow his fuse with the other man, how he took things badly and snapped, they seemed to be settling on even grounds again.

His feelings for Tony had never really gone. He pushed them down when he did what he had to do; but now, bringing things back together, he couldn't keep the lid on much longer. After Tony had saved his skin, fallen in the ice for him, Steve could feel his effort to talk to Tony weren't hopeless. Just maybe, the other man had been deflecting as his own way of keeping a lid on his emotions.

"I do, yeah," Steve looked down at his feet, kicking snow out his way, pushing on. The Hyrda base was two miles away now, Nat leading the way, followed by Tony, the rear brought up by Steve and Bucky. Luckily for Steve, the wind was coming towards them, so their voices wouldn't be carried to Tony's ears.

"He tried to kill us, remember?" Bucky eyed Steve carefully. Steve looked sharply at Bucky, stopping himself from snapping when he noticed the calculating look Bucky was casting his way.

"No, he didn't," Steve admitted to himself, "he was pulling his punches - he, he could've shot you with that missile, instead he just used to to trap you. He showed us mercy, despite-" Steve glanced up at Tony, gazing at the smaller man, striding forwards determinedly.

"I know. I wanted to make sure you did too, punk. He cares about you too."

They eventually reached the base, only visible by a few bunkers inconspicuously poking up through the snow. They were concealed as old war bunkers, but Steve had studied the layout religiously, and recognised which one was a concealed entrance.

Natasha stepped up on the ladder on the side of the bunker, lifting the trap door, motioning Bucky to follow her. They couldn't go in, guns blazing this time. They had to be tactical. Natasha and Bucky had the best stealth training, they'd go in, take out four guards, and take their uniforms.

When Natasha and Buck disappeared through the door, Steve straightened himself, holding his hands out after Tony in case he slipped, who was scaling the ladder. Steve stared despite himself, feeling his Catholic Guilt swing and punch him in the gut when caught himself ogling Tony's ass above him. Not that he stopped, would in their right mind would?

Tony got up, and Steve followed quickly, pretending he'd just been scouting the area. They sat at the top, waiting by the door until Buck would come up and give the go-ahead.

Steve watched as Tony broke of a chunk of ice around the skirting of the bunker, bringing it up to his nose, hissing but then sighing with relief at the cold press. The bruising had darkened considerably, but his eyes still stood out from his face.

Tony had beautiful eyes, so dark you'd almost mistake them for black, but upon looking closely they were a gorgeous combination of chestnut and mahogany, glittering with emotion; framed beautifully by long, thick lashes. After knowing Tony for a while, Steve realised why the man wore sunglasses out in public so much. He had is media façade, but not even that could conceal what his eyes revealed. Tony's eyes exposed his soul, opening him up like a rose.

And those eyes were gazing at his. Steve felt a spark in his belly, the sudden dryness of his mouth - a metallic clang rung from below them, and the two men shot up and aimed their guns at the door, which creaked before swinging open, revealing Bucky's plain expression.

"Care to join me, fellas?"

They split off into pairs, since hydra agents on patrol usually were in groups no larger than three unless they were headed somewhere important, like to secure the perimeter. The base was much scarcer than it had been their previous visit, which sent a wave of satisfaction through them all.

They'd shaken them up good, and their forces were scattered.

Natasha and Tony marched in unison toward the communications room, while Bucky and Steve patrolled the corridors surrounding the room, ready to notify the other pair of any suspicious activity. They couldn't blow their cover before getting the message to S.H.I.E.L.D out.

Tony had emptied his pocket, which contained an improvised devise which would temporarily and discretely lower the security parameters of the system, long enough for them to send an encrypted signal to Director Fury.

Natasha stood guard outside the door, while Tony busied himself with setting up the plan.

"What're you doing, agent?" Tony spun round at the voice, thankful he decided to keep his helmet on, visor down. Natasha entered the room, discretely shutting the door behind her.

"We're under strict instructions to send an urgent message to headquarters." She lied easily, without a trace of any American accent.

"Under whose instructions?" The man challenged. He wore a similar get-up to standard agents, but was without a helmet and appeared to have some kind of merits adorning his jacket. Ah, so a Nazi with brownie points, must be fairly high ranked here, she thought.

"I'm afraid we don't have the jurisdiction to disclose that information, sir." Tony supplied - he made a living for the first half of his life bullshitting to a board of directors and wealthy benefactors - he could pull a lie from his ass when he needed.

"Well, given that I run the operation here, I grant you permission to disclose," he gestured a hand out, as if inviting them to speak. Tony shrugged at Natasha, who had already walked up to the man and snapped neck in one swift movement.

Tony winced as turned back to the monitors, stitching on the device and getting to work on the coding. He'd memorised the digits needed to send Fury a direct signal in code, he'd done it enough times.

Nat dragged the man's body behind a desk, before heading back towards the door, looking through the glass panel for anyone approaching.

An electric chirp sounded from the computer Tony was leant over, fingers tapping away furiously, "I've sent the signal, but the tech here is - is ancient, it's gonna take a few minutes to send."

"How long do you reckon?" Natasha asked, brow furrowed curiously.

"I'd say ten minutes, give or take - but that means this," he waved at the device he made, "is going to stop covering up our tracks in about five, so..." "There's gonna be a gap where they're gonna notice what we're doing." Natasha concluded, sighing and the nod of Tony's head.

"Good news is they won't be able to intercept it unless the physically dismantle this computer, so we'll have to hold them off long enough for it to reach Nick, then get the hell outta here."

Natasha gave a confirming nod and slipped out the door, ready to track down Steve and Bucky to relay the information. They'd need them there to defend the room.

Five minutes passed, and as if on queue, sirens howled throughout the base, lighting turning a pulsating red. Voices declaring unauthorised personnel rung from the speakers I. The building in various languages. Tony straightened himself and tore off the sleeve covering his single remaining gauntlet, finding solace in the familiar whine of the repulsers firing up. Heavy footsteps were approaching, when Steve burst into the room, gun raised.

Natasha and Bucky appeared in the doorway, walking backwards in a crouch, open firing into the corridor.

"How do you suppose we get outta here?" Bucky called over the sound of gunfire, ducking behind the cover of the reinforced doorframe. Steve turned to Tony, who stilled before aiming his gauntlet skywards. Firing, a large hole emerged in the ceiling from the impact of the blast, and cold air whipped into the room.

"The building has ventilation above it to release carbon dioxide, since it's totally underground - those bunkers act as an airlock, which is what makes this place so hard to detect. Our best bet is to get out through the dead space above us, since we're not exactly in the position to just walk back out the way we came."

Natasha reeled backwards, the sound of a bullet ricocheting the side of the door.

"Yeah, I can agree with that."

The minutes passed by painfully slow, the four of them taking up positions where they could aim into the corridor, taking shots at over-confident agents. Eventually, a ping rang from the computer, indicating the signal was sent.

"Thank fuck-" was all Tony said before Steve was marching up to him, hoisting him onto his shoulders.

"-Steve! For God's sake I have a heart condition!" He grumbled, swaying on Steve's shoulders, before sighing and pushing up on Steve's head, coming to a shakey balance stood on the man's broad shoulders. Reaching up, he pulled himself up through the hole he'd created, shimmying into the ventilation tunnel it had revealed.

Nat was next, running at Steve in a practised move, jumping off his shield as he propelled her upwards - without exerting too much force (he wanted her to reach the ceiling, not go through it). She swung herself up, shuffling down after Tony to make room for the other two men.

Bucky drained the last of his cartridge, before shutting the door, sliding the rifle between the handle to hold off the agents from coming in. He and Steve jumped up, easily pulling their weight into the vent one after the other - their only difficulty was squeezing their shoulders through.

They crawled far enough until coming to a stop. Steve had been directing them, having analysed the buildings layout, guessing which way would get them closest to an exit. They heard voices coming from inside the vents being them - they'd managed to get into the room, then.

Tony pulled out a screwdriver and undid the bolts on the casing of the vent below them quickly, dropping down onto the floor below. The others followed closely behind him, when they heard the click of someone clicking the safety off their gun.

Between them and the ladder escalating to the exit, was an experienced-looking agent. He'd clearly anticipated which exit they were headed too, and decided to take them down himself.

"So what - you decided to come down here, a lone gun-slinger, to save the day or- am I close?" Tony questioned the agent, hands raised tiredly at the barrel of the gun currently pressing against his temple.

The agent had been hiding in the shadows, seizing the opportunity of Tony's turned back from where he dropped out the vent to use him as a bargaining token.

"I have nothing to prove, Mr Stark," the agent snapped bitterly, voice dripping in what sounded like a Scandinavian accent, pressing the gun harder against Tony's head.

"Sure looks like it from where we're standing," Steve grumbled darkly. The agent only grabbed Tony's arm, pulling the man closer to him and pressing the gun at the base of his skull, eyes manic.

"Drop your weapons, now, or I swear to God I'll pull the trigger," when the others gave no response, the agent laughed, "You thing I'm lying? Believe me, it would be an hour to execute this man, I'd do it happily even if it was the last thing I did. Try me."

Steve dropped his gun to the ground, ignoring Bucky's frustrated groan. Despite this, the other man let his weapon fall to the ground with a clunk. Natasha made no sign I moving.

"You too, bitch. Drop it, now!" Spittle flew from the agents mouth, and Natasha loosened her hold on her weapon - and the agent visibly relaxed when he saw it slip out her right hand - dropping down a few inches before her left hand snapped it up again, firing two precise shots between the man's eyes. His body fell into a heap on the floor, foot twitching a few times before permanently stilling.

"You stretched that out on purpose, Romanoff," Tony's voice accused her, though was sorted with the tone of fond amusement wrapped around it.

"Of course I didn't, I'm very professional, Stark." She said innocently, strolling past him and already scaling the ladder.

Bucky stared after her, torn between bewildered, jealous, and impressed. Steve leant in to his friend's, raising his eyebrows knowingly and pursing his lips together to hide his amusement.

"She's uh - she's pretty good I guess."

"You don't remember me, do you?"

The team were all settled on a quinjet in far better shape than their current one, trashed in the middle of some Norwegian wilderness. Bucky considered Natasha carefully as the woman sat next to him, filling with the chamber of her gun.

"You were -" Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to dig pack into his past and turn over the right stone that would give him the answer he knew was there, but couldn't find. He remembers her face, her hair, the way she moved, the way she hunted. He felt... something, when she looked at him, but he hadn't placed his finger on what it was and where it came from.

"I know I knew you, and not just on the side of the road with your - technician, was it?"

"Mechanic, but close enough."

"Right, mechanic." He wet his lips, "I know you're important to me, I just don't know why."

Natasha stayed silent at that, but he was trained just like her to notice the tiniest quirks of a person. She hid them well, but in recent years, she'd been spending time with a very different crowd of people than to the ones she was around growing up. She'd let some things slip, like chewing the inside of her lip, just slightly, but enough that he noticed.

She was unhappy - hurt, even.

"Can you help me?" He tried, earning a cautious look from the woman, "I want to remember, I want to know why I feel... this, when I see you." He finished quietly, having revealed a close intimacy about himself.

He set his jaw hard when Natasha nodded, a little more warmly than she was a few moments ago. She patted his knee, letting her hand linger for a moment, before walking up to the cockpit.

Bucky let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

On the other side of the jet, a medic was evaluating Sam's arm, raising it to see when and where it hurt, nodding sympathetically when the man grit his teeth. Rhodey was laughing with Clint, who was currently shirtless with a large bandage wrapped around his torso, applying light pressure to the break. Steve was smiling at the two men, laughing alongside them every so often, while Tony was sat at Rhodey's feet, receiving a gentle head massage that made his eyes roll shut.

When he opened them, he caught Steve directing an open and fond gaze his way, which transformed to mild panic when he realised Tony saw him. Tony felt a leap in his chest, and just grinned genuinely at Steve - not one of his practised media-smiles plastered over his face, but a soft and slightly crooked smile, easily forming on his face.

Steve felt his heart flutter with hope for the first time since the accords.

After the debrief, the others enthusiastically agreed to head to Clint's farm for a few days. Clint was beaming, barely able to stand in one spot when they touched down, and he ran out, scooping Nathaniel into his arms. Laura smiled and kissed her husband, while Natasha crouched down in front of Clint's daughter, who began talking to her excitedly.

"Laura," came Steve's warm and grateful voice, and she turned at him smiling gently, "thank you for this, it's so good to see you under better circumstances." She waved him off fondly, and patted his arm softly. "Steve, you got my husband home in one piece, that's better than what most people can manage - it's my pleasure."

Looking over Steve's shoulder, Laura noticed Tony approaching cautiously. She grinned at him brightly, which seemed to ease his tension.

"Tony! Thank you last time, for the tractor, I never got the chance to thank you properly-"

"Oh no-no it was no problem, I like doing that kinda stuff, really,"

Clint openly smiled at Tony, approaching him and pulling an arm round his shoulders. "He ain't lying, babe, he's kinda weird like that. Likes pulling things apart and sticking them back together - it's his thing, just go with it," he whispered sarcastically, earning a snort from Tony.

Inside, everyone had settled after eating a warm meal ("Thank god for real food, and not that wallpaper-paste Steve calls porridge," "Hey come on! It wasn't that bad, Sam."), and were comfortably chatting in various places in the living room.

Rhodey was watching cartoons with Clint's kids, joined by Natasha who has sat cross-legged in the carpet, braiding Bucky's hair. Laura and Clint were squished together on a love-seat, talking in hushed voices, sharing private smiles, and Sam was engaged in the cartoons more than the kids, unsurprisingly, every-so-often asking if anyone wanted a cup of tea or juice. He was good like that.

Steve was leant in the kitchen against the counter, watching his team through the doorway. Tony joined him, covered in motor oil after being under Laura's car, which had been acting up lately.

"You look better, despite all that," he motioned at the various stains on Tony from the oil, who just laughed softly in return.

"Yeah, painkillers will do that," he grinned.

They sat in a comfortable silence before Tony backed himself on top of the counter, swinging his legs as he did so. Watching amusedly, Steve turned to look at him.

"I've missed this, being like- like a family again," Steve admitted.

Tony quirked his lips and sighed dramatically, "Oh America's golden boy, we didn't stop being a family. Families argue and threaten to kill each other, it's all very normal."

Steve eyed the brunette dubiously, "That's not how a functional family operates, Tony."

"We're hardly functional." Tony deadpanned, before nervously chewing his lip and speaking up again.

"A functional person can just, you know, ask a person out on a date instead of kinda-" he pulled an awkward face, flailing his hands around, "-pining from afar and being kinda a jerk to the other person when they're just trying to talk to you."

"Bucky tell you that?" Steve smiled, trying very hard not to let a ridiculously goofy smile take over his face, feeling warmth flushing his cheeks and stomach. He settled the palms of his hand on the counter either side of Tony, leaning in closer.

"No - Rhodey, he's very wise. An old-soul and all that." Tony mused, gaze flittering over Steve's face, his chest, his arms.

Steve hummed in response, losing his own fight at keeping an embarrassing smile off his face. It was worth it though, when Tony let a similar one cross his features, rolling his eyes, and cupping Steve's face in his hands, cradling his head tenderly.

Steve leaned in the last few inches, pressing his smile against Tony's. They kissed slowly, intimately, and so gently, as if scared the other person would suddenly realise what was happening and jerk away.

After a few moments, it became clear neither of them had any intention to back away, and Steve pulled on Tony's hips, sliding him towards the edge of the counter and flush against his body. A few blissful minutes passed of deep, passionate kissing, when the sound of little footsteps tottered into the kitchen, before sharply turning to yell into the living room.

"Daddy you said we couldn't sit on'the counter!"

There was a pause before Clint's confused voice called back, "You can't! It's not hygienic like I told you!"

"How come they gets to do it and're been’ all gross n’ kissing as well?"

Tony and Steve just laughed as a collective shout of disbelief sounded from the kitchen, save from Bucky and Rhodey, who just hollered suggestively, whisking and howling from their positions I front of the TV.

#avengers fanfiction #avengers fic #stevetony #buckynat #hold on back fic

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