#look I just love Ed Norton | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jimothy-hopkins · 2 years

Text

Meddling Kids VIII

WARNING! This work/series contains mentions of slut shaming, EDs, gore, implied torture, implied SA, SH, violence, and many other things that can trigger some viewers. I will also mention that this work does NOT intend to glorify, romanticize, normalize, or promote ANY of these behaviors or ideas. That is not who I am and that is not what I stand for. Please do not take that message away when you read this.

This is a Manhunt/Bully crossover, so expect non-family friendly shenanigans.

Well, they weren’t going to get anything out of Max, which sucked. He was probably the only one with any dirt on cases. Jimmy had zero plans. Lucky for him, he had two best friends with a shared brain cell.

“Well, there’s gotta be something on their permanent records about this,” Pete suggested.

“You’re right. They have to document that for legal purposes,” Gary nodded, sitting up.

“I have a key to Crabblesnitch’s files,” Pete said.

“Sweet. Let’s go,” Jimmy stood.

The trio shuffled out of the library. The air started to warm up as February began to die. Spring was near. The football season for Bullworth and the surrounding schools would start up soon. Jimmy was never much of a football fan. Sure, he’d sit down and watch it with whichever stepdad was around. But for the most part, Jimmy was more interested in the music industry. The only sport he enjoyed was boxing. Even then, it depended on which rich bitch he was in the ring with.

Once upstairs, they peered into the office. Neither Ms. Danvers nor Dr. Crabblesnitch were in there.

Perfect.

Petey barged in first and grabbed the keys out of his pocket. Jimmy stood by the door to watch for prefects or any other authority.

Petey unlocked each cabinet one by one. Gary began to search through them. Most of the filed paperwork was just accident reports and work orders on various equipment. Nothing too special. Pete knelt and unlocked the last drawer.

School records. Just what they needed.

Gary dove in, pulling up any files relating to Johnny and Norton. Pete took them with care. Jimmy snuffled his way over, nosily rummaging around in the file cabinets and drawers. No wonder Christy loved gossip so much. Being nosy was fun.

“Dude, let’s look through these old yearbooks,” Gary grinned.

Jimmy smiled as he reached into a drawer, retrieving a book that was probably older than his stepdad.

“Bullworth Academy, Class of 1985,” Jimmy leaned back on the wall, and Gary joined at his side.

He flipped the book open, the inside bare of any signatures. Gary leaned over and flipped the pages. Within a few minutes, they were already giggling up a storm. They thoroughly enjoyed their Mean Girls-esque fun. Good god, the outfits. Not to mention the goofy ass hairstyles they wore. Jimmy wondered how their parents let them go out dressed like casual clowns.

“I’d rather kill myself than wear that,” Gary sneered, pointing to one girl who looked like she’d gotten electrocuted.

“This makes me glad I’m bald,” he replied, flipping a page.

Gary’s eyes scanned the names, his eyes falling on one. His face changed completely. Petey turned over to them and raised a brow. Gary looked like a kicked puppy almost. Hero to zero.

“What’s wrong?” Jimmy turned his head.

Gary pointed to one portrait, “that’s my older brother.”

“Since when did you have an older brother?” Jimmy knitted his brows in confusion.

“Since the day I was born,” Gary replied.

“You walked right into that one Jimmy,” Pete spun in Crabblesnitch’s chair.

Jimmy rolled his eyes to the sky and looked back at the yearbook. Gary’s finger still pointed to the face. Under it read the name ‘Leroy Elwood Smith’ that sounded like a grandpa's name. He looked a lot like Gary, but only with dimples and a douchebag mullet with a matching mustache.

He couldn’t help but notice the stale silence in the room.

“So, uh, what happened?...” Jimmy asked with hesitance.

Petey looked at Gary, who seemed to be in a trance.

“Leo committed suicide in 2001, after September 11,” Pete answered, looking down.

Ouch. That was heavy.

Gary slowly pulled the book into his lap. He flipped through pages and only stopped at the ones with his older brother in the pictures. Jimmy looked on alongside him. Leo seemed like a great person. A lot of the photos he was in included him with friends. One boy specifically. Daniel Lamb. That name sounded familiar. Jimmy remembered hearing it from somewhere.

As soon as Gary started to develop tears, Pete grabbed the yearbook and closed it.

“We should go,” he stood.

“Yeah, good idea,” Gary shook his head.

Jimmy stood, making sure all the drawers and cabinets were closed before they left. The last thing they needed was a suspension for being nosy, meddling kids.

Gary snatched the yearbook from Pete on their way out, giving a dirty side-eye.

For the rest of the day Jimmy wracked his brain for any ideas. He was stumped. He was creative, yes. But not in the Scooby-Doo mystery-solving way. Maybe if he watched some Law & Order Special Victims Unit, Jimmy could improve that. Gary watched that show all the time with Parker Oglivie.

But at the stroke of midnight, Jimmy’s rock brain finally sparked.

Happy Volts.

That asylum had all they needed. Records and maniacs.

Jimmy put on his clothes and slipped out of the dorms. He dodged Edward’s flashlight. Better safe than sorry. The snow had now thankfully begun to melt, leaving less evidence of his escape. Winter was the worst time of year to sneak out. Unless you had those dumb tennis racket snow shoes to cover your tracks still, Seth Kolbe or Diana Prescott would mow your as down until you became a snow angel. Regardless of heels and house slippers being their respective choices choice of footwear.

Jimmy made it to the gym, ducking down inside to evade Max Mactavish. He’d been more aggressive since Edward’s nasty confrontation with him. And Jimmy didn’t feel like getting bodyslammed into the cold pavement tonight.

He walked around with squinted eyes to see in the dark. He could see from what little light the swimming pool and exit signs gave, but other than that it was pitch black. It made him uneasy. Alone in a dark, empty gymnasium.

His hair stood on end when he heard the door open.

Jimmy darted down the stairs and ducked into the boy’s locker room. He hid amongst a pile of discarded towels in the far corner facing the lockers. He was busted. Done. If he was lucky it would be a prefect and not whatever maniacs had killed Alice Cuellar. He knew he knew too much. Oh god, the DA probably hired those sick freaks to kill him.

“Come on, let’s go,” A voice whispered from outside.

They sounded young. But it could be those skully guys Edward was rolling with, all of them looked pretty young.

“Move, Sonny! Geez!” one hissed.

“Sorry!”

The footsteps clambered into the locker room.

“You got the bolt cutters?”

“Of course I do, dumbass.”

“Good.”

Jimmy peeked from the towels.

His eyes widened. These were kids his age.

One was tall with long blonde hair tied back into a high ponytail. Jimmy could tell that it was a guy by the confirmation of their arms and legs. Good god, that boy was big.

The one in the middle was criminally small. He had to have been shorter than Jimmy. It boosted his ego, knowing he wasn’t that short. He had short hair in a classic jock cut.

The third guy was tall and skinny with an obnoxious neon green liberty spike mohawk. Jimmy could vaguely see his unique choice of punk fashion from his towel hidey-hole. The guy also held a pair of bolt cutters.

“Quick! We might get caught,” the blonde urged.

“Sonny quit being such a pussy,” the short one bit.

“Maverick, hold the lock,” the punk-looking guy ordered.

The shorter one, presumably named Maverick, stepped up and held the lock. The punk took the bolt cutters and quickly broke the lock. The blonde ripped the chain out as they pried the door open.

Jimmy watched in disbelief as these guys took out the mascot. They didn't even go to Bullworth. He could tell by their red uniform attire.

He was not going to let this slide.

“Hey! What are you doing!?” Jimmy hollered as he stood from his pile of towels.

“Shit- go, go, go!” The punk pushed, the other two running out with the mascot.

Jimmy dove at him and delivered a blow to his temple. He staggered back and swung the bolt cutters to hit Jimmy in the side of the head. He fell to the ground with a yell as the punk ran.

Jimmy quickly came to his senses and got up. He chased after the thieves until they were in the parking lot.

“Payback motherfucker!” Maverick yelled from the car window with his middle finger up as they sped off, leaving Jimmy in the dust.

He had to get that mascot back.

13 notes · View notes

fuckyeah-jessicabiel · 2 years

Photo

Jessica Biel for Cosmopolitan - July 2007

Cosmo chats with Jessica to get caught up on her funny new flick, how she of that rockin body, and what it's like having the most smokin guys on the planet after her. Hope you're taking notes. By Monica Corcoran

Jessica Biel has been feeling particularly fearless these . "My latest thing is that I want to do everything that scares me," she says after ordering an egg, ham, and cheese sandwich with fries at a chic hotel in Santa Monica, California (a meal, it should be noted, that would induce panic in most other Hollywood starlets). The Colorado–raised 25-year-old recently got up the guts to go skydiving and conquered her fear of singing in public by belting out "Endless Love" at a piano bar in Paris. She is even thinking about traveling to Africa or Vietnam—all by herself. Taking risks has been paying off professionally too. She recently took on dramatic roles in the Iraq war film Home of the Brave and the highly acclaimed turn-of-the-century magician flick The Illusionist opposite Ed Norton and Paul Giamatti, a part she acknowledges she had to fight pretty hard for. "I don't give up easily," she says proudly. "Sometimes, you have to put yourself on the line when you want something and just hope that you don't get laughed at."

This month, getting people to crack up will be a sign of a job well done. In her new movie, the comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Jessica portrays a gay-rights attorney who ends up falling for her client, played by Adam Sandler, who is pretending to be coupled up with Kevin James's character to receive domestic-partner benefits. "Finally, I get to play the goofy outgoing girl, which is much more my real personality," she says. Case in point: She and her group of girlfriends have a tradition of getting dressed up in crazy '70s clothes and neon wigs and going roller-skating at a Los Angeles rink. The other night, they even donned the wigs to stay in and play board games. "I am just not this aloof and sexy woman," she says. Not sexy? There are maybe, oh, several million men who would disagree with that statement...starting with Derek Jeter (they were photographed frolicking on a beach in Puerto Rico this past winter), Justin Timberlake (they famously flirted at a Golden Globes after-party), and her Blade: Trinity costar Ryan Reynolds (they reportedly took their close friendship to a new level this past spring). Jessica waves off this laundry list of alleged boyfriends. In fact, she's hasn't revealed anything about her love life since splitting from her on-again, off-again boyfriend of five years, actor Chris Evans, last summer. "No matter where I go or who I see, we get linked together. All of a sudden, I'm supposedly dating someone I might have known for 10 years...or even my cousin," she says. "I don't feel the need to settle down right now And if I do meet somebody, I don't feel the need for the paperwork of marriage. A verbal agreement is enough."

Perhaps the only thing more buzzed about than her romantic interludes is her rocking body. Today, dressed in a navy Mayle blouse, True Religion skinny jeans, and a pair of white Roger Vivier pumps (a splurge from that recent trip to Paris), it's easy to see what all the hype is about. She's curvy and superfit at the same time and not the least bit interested in being as bone-thin as some of her famous peers. "There is so much pressure to look a certain way in this town," she explains. "But it's nice to have a little meat on you, and I hope that I inspire women to appreciate their muscular calves." That's not to say Jessica doesn't work hard at looking good. To maintain her buff physique, she does yoga; walks her dog, Tina (a pit-bull-mix breed); hits the gym three or four times a week; and plays volleyball with friends on the weekends dining the summer. But when she's not training for a film, the down-to-earth beauty doesn't restrict her diet. She has a rapidly disappearing pile of french fries to prove it. ■ • She is of Choctaw American Indian, English, French, and German heritage. • Her food weaknesses are dark chocolate and pasta. • She admits that her worst habit is she cannot stop biting her nails. • In 2004, she cofounded the Make the Difference Network (MTDN.com), a Website that hooks people up with nonprofit organizations. • Her first acting job was a Pringles commercial, but she got her big break after being discovered at a modeling competition at age 11. • She doesn't know how to make coffee. • She recently took a photo-graphy class and is getting her shots of Cambodia framed to hang in her house. • She owns a cabin in Colorado and says it's her favorite place in the world

#jessica biel #cosmopolitan #magazines #interviews #2007 #cover #articles

18 notes · View notes

funkymbtifiction · 2 years

Text

6w7 or 7w6?

Happy (belated) New Year! I’m trying to determine my Enneagram type and I’ve considered 3w2 every now and again but have come to the conclusion (the overthinking was one clue) that I’m most likely a head type. Could you help me find out which one it is most likely? Thanks! When I first read about the Enneagram, I immediately related to the re-framing, optimism and avoidance of pain associated with 7s. I have often been quick to see the upsides after an initial disappointment and even act as if I got what I wanted all along - In part because I don’t want people to think of me as unhappy, since that may shift the conversation on to negativity. I’m usually high energy and enjoy looking forward to things almost more than actually experiencing them, except when a situation is difficult, boring, or heavy on details (or when not as exciting as I imagined). But I don’t experience a fear of missing out so much in the physical world, like with traveling, partying, etc., unlike one 7 I know who is constantly DOING stuff, and while I enjoy a good adventure, 90% of the time I’m just talking, thinking and daydreaming about the stuff. But I guess my biggest hang-up about being a 7 is my dependency on other people at times. When I’m in doubt or anxious I like to talk things over and need reassurance from other people so that I can feel like the matter is dealt with and I can move on. Especially in my school years, I was very competitive and searching for praise and validation. Also I usually avoid conflict and try to smooth-talk it or diffuse the situation, because it’s easier if people get along.

All of this sounds fairly consistent with my 792 sibling, minust the not doing things parts -- she's an ESFP so she is constantly taking action in the moment. If that's the only hangup, have you considered whether your MBTI type plays into that? Are you an intuitive? Or an introvert? It sounds like it, if "dreaming is more exciting than doing."

7w6s are assertive types who are also positive cores; they are a lot more self-confident and inclined to re-frame things than 6w7s, but there is also a 6 need for others, for support, for encouragement, to not be separate from those they love, questioning ("can I do this? well of course I can, I'm awesome and powerful!"). In my experience they power forward, stumble and fall, then call it a learning experience or say it's for the best (7 re-framing into optimism) and keep going, whereas a 6w7 sees a failure as confirmation that they aren't as competent as they want to be.

On a completely different note, have you watched Glass Onion? I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts about it.

I have, but it's been a few days and I wasn't watching it with MBTI types in mind other than to say Ed Norton's character is an ESTP 3, and Kate Hudson's character was an ESFP, probably another 3 (or a 7, she was pretty egotistical but shallow/all about appearances). I found it fun and clever but was horrified at what befell the Mona Lisa. ;)

#question #mbti #enneagram #enneagram 7

11 notes · View notes

britesparc · 1 year

Text

Weekend Top Ten #579

Top Ten Lonely Island Songs

I’ve always been a fan of a good comedy song. Generally speaking I’ve always been out of touch with the musical zeitgeist; never knew what was supposed to be cool or uncool, and even when I did like a song chances are I didn’t know who sang it – or if I did, I didn’t know when or what album or whatever else they might have sung. However, if I heard a funny song, that would stick in my mind; instead of washing over me or just being interesting, it’d lodge in my brain on repeat and quite often be the gateway to becoming a big fan of the comedy artist in question.

Which brings us to The Lonely Island.

Like most people familiar with the band, I first discovered them through Saturday Night Live. Although we can’t really watch it over here in the UK, so many of their skits and songs that featured in the show became YouTube sensations back in the neolithic days of that all-conquering video smorgasbord. When I was at CITV, we’d regularly share funny videos around the office, and there are a couple here in this list that were office staples (not those kinds of office staples). And this is how I got to know who Andy Samberg is (alongside clips of his stoner-bro impression of Mark Zuckerberg), so that his appearances in movies became something I looked forward to, all the way up till Brooklyn Nine-Nine, one of my favourite sitcoms of all time.

So as we shared their funny songs with each other instead of writing continuity links for Pocoyo or logging clips of My Goldfish is Evil, I discovered more of their back catalogue, and my interest grew. But I’d say it exploded with the release of Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, a hilarious film that boasts some of the bands greatest songs. That’s when I really started to think about just how many cool songs these guys had made, how funny they were, and how smart and complex they were in the way they parodied different musical genres or specific songs. In a manner similar to Weird Al, as the band has gone on they’ve tackled a variety of subjects with great aplomb, to the point where some of their parodies actually work as “for-real” songs – just, y’know with jokes. And probably this is most evident in the Popstar soundtrack; maybe it’s all that palling around with Justin Timberlake, but the Lonely Island fellas are very good at doing a boyband.

Anyway. I like them! And they’re good at making films too – right up to last year’s Chip ‘n’ Dale. And I think their sensibilities carry over so much from their music to their comedy to their movies, even in things like Palm Springs, Nine-Nine, and the animated movies they’ve been a part of (more on which a bit later…). So let’s don our turtlenecks, cut a hole in a box, and get our arms T-Rexing, as we celebrate the best ever Lonely Island songs as decided by me.

Spring Break Anthem (2013): like most of their songs that I love, it starts by just being funny; the OTT celebration of riotous and disturbing spring break behaviour is, well, very funny, made moreso by the music video that seems to rope in an entire break’s worth of teenagers to contribute. However it’s the juxtaposition of the ludicrous, misogynistic alpha-male macho posturing against the placid and romantic scenes of same-sex marriage that flips it up into art. It's like there’s a commentary being made about how the worst kinds of discriminatory excess can hide hidden truths about the person being offensive; here, it makes the “hetero” activities seem like extravagant gestures coming from a place of denial or even self-loathing. The tender scenes of the Lonely Island trio planning their weddings – with celebrity grooms including Ed Norton, for Pete’s sake – are superbly done. The lyrics are fantastic: “two kings walking hand in hand”. Marry a man.

Finest Girl (2016): coming from the soundtrack to Popstar, this sees Samberg in character as Conner4real, singing a romantic pop song about the finest girl he ever met in his whole life, who turned out to be a freak when she started talking. And then it just gets weird. There’s no two ways about it, it’s a surreal one, comparing – well – the act of love-making to the execution of a terrorist. There’s a pleasing comic sense of schadenfreude and celebration with the chorus’ repeated refrains of (ahem) “Fuck Bin Laden”, but it’s the other lyrics – using the imagery of covert ops to describe sex – that are most funny, especially the lines “she said ‘invade my cave with your special unit’/I said he wasn’t in a cave but there was no stopping”. Look, it’s crude and it’s silly but it’s just weird and daft and genius too.

Natalie’s Rap (2006) and Natalie’s Rap 2.0 (2018): Natalie’s Rap might have been my intro to The Lonely Island. Like a lot of comedy songs, it really hangs on one simple but humorous conceit: in this case that seemingly straight-laced actor Natalie Portman – all serious roles, humanitarian causes, and prestigious universities – was in fact a sex-crazed drug addict spouting foul-mouthed angry hip-hop. And it’s a conceit so funny it worked twice. A large part – basically, like, all the parts – of its success is Portman’s full-bodied commitment to the role, tossing off grotesque obscenities and – in the videos – just throwing stuff around. And, of course, the lyrics themselves are really funny; there’s a purity to the first video (I just couldn’t separate them) but I think the wordplay is funnier second time round, with more specific references to things like Black Swan and Portman’s marriage, as well as an absolutely inspired and disturbing Star Wars sequence.

Like a Boss (2009): another one that rose high for me when I worked at CITV, and so was an early introduction into the band and their wider oeuvre. And the appeal of this one is very simple: the heavy refrain (“Like a boss”) is funny in and of itself, but then the lyrics become increasingly surreal to the point of outright derangement, all of this apparently taking place within the confines of some kind of job appraisal. But the randomness of some of the lyrics – “find a giant fish/fuck its brains out” – is to be applauded; it’s just a really silly, funny little song. And apparently it’s a parody? I dunno. But I guess that would make the Bosch ad campaign a little more understandable.

Jack Sparrow (2011): once more we have a song that benefits from a humorous juxtaposition, as Michael Bolton provides smooth accompaniment to a crude hip hop track about picking up girls. But, like quite a few of their songs, it goes super-surreal as Bolton just croons a bunch of film references. The call-and-response nature of the lyrics – “okay that was kinda weird but we’re back in the club” – provides a lot of laughs, but it’s Bolton’s very game insertion into typical Island craziness that excels, whether it’s dressing up as Erin Brockovich or singing crude lyrics from Scarface.

Dick in a Box (2006): in a way the song that seemed to start it all, an SNL skit – the first to co-star Timberlake – that’s a mid-noughties pop ballad about love and romance, all centred knobs in parcels. The obvious comedy is derived from presenting such a thing as a sweet romantic gesture, but the song – and video – gives so much more. Timberlake is incredibly game – as he is in all his contributions with Lonely Island, including sweeping the floors in Jizz in My Pants – and the scenes of him and Samberg dancing with Christmas presents strapped to their nethers is a comic joy. It builds so well, climaxing in all the places you can experience a box/penis interface (“over at your parents’ house”, “midday at the grocery store”) but what I think everyone who hears it loves the most is the instructions: “One: cut a hole in a box”.

Diaper Money (2013): contrasting the rough hip hop braggadocio style with something that seems culturally at the other end of the spectrum is a comic stock in trade – here the guys are angrily rapping, boasting about their success, but the things they extol are rather mundane. However, what floats my boat, is it’s a particularly middle-class, early-middle-age kind of boastfulness, about marriage and fatherhood. And, really, the very concept of “diaper money” is quite funny to me.

Jizz in My Pants (2008): most of the Island songs are some flavour of hip hop, R&B, or pop, but here they spoof an entire other genre. Really, this is their take on the Pet Shop Boys, and it’s really well done; fast staccato delivery, urban imagery, and a good fist of their accents to boot. And then, yes, there’s the song’s subject matter and lyrics, the rapid-fire wordplay leading up to a series of hilarious climaxes. The middle eight, running through a series of insane scenarios that produce the titular effect, is a comic gem; “When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense…” The only real negative I can think of is that as a PSB spoof it’s not quite as good as Inner City Pressure.

Motherlover (2009): another of a trilogy of videos featuring Samberg and Timberlake as a weird early-noughties pop duo, I love the call and response lyrics here as they discuss their odd little plan, so fabulously icky and uncomfortable as they sing frankly about their mums and the “switcheroo”. It’s creepy and demented – “I’m pushing that lady where you came out as a baby” – and it gets worse as the song goes on. Worth highlighting the supremely game Susan Sarandon and Patricia Clarkson as the mothers who, er, get loved.

Equal Rights (2016): another terrific turn by Conner4real, duetting with Pink in a song about homophobia and oppression and, well, equal rights. It’s a great parody of incurious celebrities latching on to progressive topics in a cynical manner, exemplified here in Conner’s frequent assertions that despite singing about gay rights he’s “not gay”; a thread that grows until it takes over the entire song in a list of supposedly macho and heterosexual things (“hot wings!”). And hey, if girls wanna have sex with him just cause he said this, so be it!

So there’s one song that could have been on this list I guess – Everything is Awesome. But they only co-wrote and appear on the track, so I’ve decided it – and the other Lego Movie songs they contributed to – don’t really count as fully-fledged Lonely Island numbers. But it’d be up there! For reals!

Also, if I’m doing bonus stuff, I really love their “Oscar song demo” that was scrapped by the Academy.

#top ten #lonely island #spring break.#song #music #comedy #andy samberg #justin timberlake

6 notes · View notes

the-cat-chat · 1 year

Text

September 9, 2023

Game Night (2018)

A group of friends who meet regularly for game nights find themselves entangled in a real-life mystery when the shady brother of one of them is seemingly kidnapped by dangerous gangsters.

JayBell: I'm gonna be honest and say my expectations for comedies are always really low. It's just so easy to make a bad comedy movie. But I have to admit that Game Night is one of my favorites in recent years. Maybe because there's a mystery wrapped up in it too, and I love a good mystery. I like trying to figure out who "the bad guy" is, so combining the mystery element with the comedy really works for me.

I think the writing is overall pretty great. The cast has good chemistry. The mystery is not so easily predictable, and I like that there were some many different twists and turns. They even managed to throw in some deeper, more personable story lines (exploring the complicated relationship between two brothers, a couple facing infertility in the next stage of their lives).

My favorite of course is creepy cop neighbor Jesse Plemmons and his faithful little dog. Jesse Plemmons' delivery in this role is just so funny. It's like they wanted to put a horror movie character into a comedy and this contrast just adds to the humor.

It's a fun movie that succeeds my (albeit low) expectations for a comedy, and that's all I'm ever really looking for.

Rating: 7/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Okkkay so I love anything Jason Bateman is in, and I have to say this is for sure not his best movie, but it was definitely fun for movie night. And a neck breaker. One of the best parts that it was like the never ending story, it never dulled and if you thought it was there was something that just made you feel like realllly nooooo whyyyyy. I will say all the actors, even being pretty big, noticeable people were believable in their roles. And although at all the talk of Ed Norton- the cameo of someone entirely unexpected made me wanna die in a good way. But I do have a qualm 😬 the stupidity between Rachel McAdams and Jason Bateman’s character did make me wanna cringe and scream. Bc like it really was painful and not necessary to the story. And they’re like game night superhero’s but they’re acting this dumb. Uggg. But yeah it was a solid who dun it that did have me antsy until the end. And special shout-out to the weird neighbor and his dog.

Rating: 5.5/10 Cats 🐈

#movie #movie review #film #film review #jason bateman

1 note · View note

mayor-crumblepot · 6 years

Text

i just posted the first chapter of my newest fic,

this is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time

on ao3, and it’s gonna be a mature work, due to the capacity of violence and somewhat suggestive themes. it’s another movie au, this time with fight club, and it was definitely the most fun i’ve ever had turning a movie into... something like this. i’m really happy with how this thing turned out, and once it’s all up and posted, hopefully y’all will feel the way i do about it!

#blitz.txt #nygmobblepot #edward nygma/oswald cobblepot #oswald cobblepot/edward nygma #this work is gonna have a LOT of riddler content #and im updating every day so.... get it while its hot i guess #to be completely honest writing this fic completely shifted the way i look at ed and the riddler persona #of COURSE for the better but like #i had a really really really great time writing this and i just.... hope yall enjoy it lmfao #come see how much i LOVE fight club like some kind of stupid straight boy!!!#im twenty one years old and i cant let go of edward norton with blood on his face and brad pitt in a mesh crop top #blitz.writing

3 notes · View notes

panelshowsource · 11 months

Text

random thoughts dump of the week bc none of this deserves its own post

coming down from a smol john kearns kick and really enjoyed it, guy has a ridiculously sweet presence and i really like his voice. it also brings me great joy his previous career was working in museums and as a tour guide. i would like that life, i think (i worked at universal orlando for a little bit in 2013 and was always super jealous of the vip tour guides lol). he mentioned on one of his rhlstps that despite winning arguably the biggest (british) comedy awards there are, he never released a standup special or dvd, and he kinda wants to keep it that way so he has something special between him and his live audience — and that really made me sad face. like, my guy, what about those of us who can't see you bc won't leave that damn island. (also ed gamble's new tour having no nyc date felt personal...) in another episode, he talked a little about, in great part due to social media, people want comedians they can know everything about, get the whole look of; comedians who are the same people onstage as off. he's not like that and doesn't really like the idea of that. i think there's a lot to say about that subject but i'll just leave it for now...

speaking of touring ed byrne next week!!! and jimmy and alan carr coming up!! what a fun time :')

speaking of rhlstp and ed, one thing that occurred to me and i thought was quite funny upon listening to his recent episode is that both richard and ed have that self-aware side of them that admits to bitterness, professional jealousy, annoyance with critics/haters, believing they're not as successful as they deserve to be, etc. while it can come off whiney here and there, it's not too obnoxious or anything, i just found it amusing they had this (often concealed or private) quality in common. i might even put jenny eclair in that camp (others too but that's a discourse i don't really wanna start lmao)

if another youtuber, following amelia dimoldenberg (and munya? does he count?), had to go on taskmaster i would probably vote for ollie kendal off of jolly. in my mind he and alex would be genuinely good friends outside of the show

man i miss the horne section podcast so bad

honestly, i'm a little surprised david mitchell doesn't have a podcast. he loves radio, it's not too demanding of a gig, and he's got tons of interests that could make engaging premises for podcasts... i'm sure someone has floated this to him before, so i need the reason why he said no. maybe he was busy with his book. would love a history pod fr

does anyone else ever remember when david mitchell was in rick and morty and just sit back and go O_O also when he was on graham norton with hillary clinton like lmaooo i just love the idea of the booking agents for that show being like "we're having fucking hillary clinton on who can we bring for comic relief who is a household name but not problematic but intelligent but actually funny" i mean they hit the jackpot of course but it cracks me up that that's his brand

did david ever watch succession? rob def did but i need more about it from both of them

sometimes i think about when david accepted his bafta for peep show and the music that was playing while he walked to the stage was "sex on fire" by kings of leon hahahahaha like what who was djing that night fr

where did charlie brooker go

speaking of back in the day — and i do mean back, like 15+ years ago — and my main panel show obsession was buzzcocks, there were a few non-comedians who would come on panel shows who were properly fucking funny, like martin freeman and josh groban, and i'd always pray they'd eventually come on again. and i think at the time the person at the top of my list was professor green. how random is that TT he was just always up for laugh and just so likable. i also LOVED the song "just good to be green" with lily allen in like 2010 lmaooo this really ages me :)

been really enjoying some old angus deayton-hosted stuff, like old hignfy and wilty. i got into panel shows after he'd stepped out of the spotlight, but i remember being crushed when i found out about his scandal. i also remember stephen fry standing up for him and chastising paul & ian publicly after That Episode of hignfy — which absolutely blew my mind, even though stephen has always said what he thinks — and i agreed with him and am not sure even today if i fully forgave paul & ian for how they treated angus. ik he's still here and there, but i wonder if we'll ever see him in any properly notable capacity again

just watched the latest hignfy actually and jack dee pheww he's ageing very nicely let me just say it and pheww emmanuel sonubi please and thank you. also, paul's outfit was quite nice. an enjoyment of the eyes indeed

i've been making a lot of typos in my gifs lately for literally no reason other than not proofreading my rushing and it's embarrazzing i'm gonna do better

speaking of gifs i have NOTHING!!! in my drafts folder. nothing. no content. nothing is made. nothing in the queue. [sigh] sounds like tonight we be bustin it out huh. idk about other gifmakers (i actually don't follow any other panel show blogs, but this isn't necessarily a panel show blog thing, just a regular original content thing) but i don't usually make gifs throughout the week — instead, like, marathon gif like two times a week and build up 10–20 drafts to post throughout the week. if you gif every single day or to keep up with all of the new content, it starts to become a chore, which is never fun :(

speaking of which i probably won't gif outsiders too much because people don't seem to care too much about it + the webrips are just...so ugly in gif form, even at 1080p! it's a dave thing fr, taskmaster used to be the same way -_-

okay here we go into gif mode btw i got some of your requests and will def make them!!

#p #long post

19 notes · View notes

finchers-ipad · 10 months

Note

Can u share any Tyler hcs you never shared before :D!!!!!!!? If u have any. He’s always on my mind!!

i have a few bouncing around in my skull rn:

-he has this weird mysterious past that he doesn’t really talk about, not because he doesn’t want to necessarily he just doesn’t think about it. this would lead to really funny situations where him and the narrator are lying in bed or something and the narrator traces his fingers on a scar on Tyler’s chest and say “where did you get this, did you have surgery or something?” and tyler would nonchalantly say “nah i got stabbed by this guy” the narrator would look exactly like this emoji upon hearing that: 😧. this works in another situation like tyler walking in on the narrator reading and the narrator would be like “did you know that in Spain they have this holiday where they throw tomatoes at each other?” tyler would just be like “uh yeah i lived there for 2 years” like it was common knowledge.

- he would love to go to concerts/shows even if it’s an artist he doesn’t know. when he was younger he attended a lot of punk shows and thats kind of the environment he hung out the most. thinking about of the narrator and Tyler would both love radiohead (semi based on the fact that Brad Pitt and Ed Norton love radiohead but i do feel like radiohead is a common ground in Tyler and the narrators music tastes) and how they would go and see them live in 2003.

- i feel like he is a sentimental person but would rather die than openly show it. he keeps little rings that Marla leaves at the house, takes polaroids often and either puts them up around the house or has a pile of them, keeps little doodles that the narrator makes while he is on the phone etc.

- he’s definitely attempted to brew his own beer before in the basement of paper street just to keep himself occupied and maybe sell it. after waiting four weeks for the beer to be ready and hyping it up to the narrator, they both take a drink and immediately throw up. he learns to stick to soap making.

- this is kind of more of a soapshipping thing but this is what i have been thinking about lately. i don’t know how this would work in terms of film switching from reels to digital and how that would kind of put Tyler out of a job BUT, let’s just say he gets paid to sit on his ass in the projection booth and click play. he is forced to watch ‘twilight’ when it comes out as apart of his job and thinks it is the worst film he has ever seen.

he basically sprints home to tell the narrator about it “man i kid you not he is this old vampire dude but in the body of this young guy trying to fuck this 17 year old it’s weird” and the narrator doesn’t believe him on how bad and cringe it is so Tyler sneaks him into work to watch it, and they laugh the whole way through to the point where you can hear them both laughing IN the theatre. and they go back to watch it like 3 more times taking a drink every time something awkward happens to the point where they are blackout drunk.

#ty for the ask!!#did i have to google radiohead tour dates and how long it takes for beer to brew for this….maybe #fight club #tyler durden #soapshipping #tyler x narrator

50 notes · View notes

chai-ssi-latte · 3 years

Text

daylight 💞

Chris Evans

About: Nothing else matter but him, even if people still believe of you and your ex hopefully getting back together or them shipping you with your recent co-star.

Note: Actress reader. Fictional movie mentions. Sebastian Stan is your co-star. Pure fluff <3

Masterlist | Prompt List | Masterlist 2.0 (Taylor Swift Songfics)

Send a tip here :) | Donations/Tips are not required but is very much appreciated :> It will help me support myself in uni and my studies :)

Gif not mine :)

After a year of hiatus, you’re finally out here again promoting your latest movie. The press conference yesterday went really well, your fans have welcomed you back so warmly that it felt like you never left. Your co-star and leading man, Sebastian Stan, hyped up with the crowd which almost caused your heart to burn with appreciation.

That one year hiatus did wonders to you, physically and mentally. The stress of working everyday and not having enough hours of sleep took a toll on your overall health. At first, you didn’t want to take a break. There were great projects that were already offered to you and you would not bat an eyelash to reject. In the end, you ended up dropping those to take care of yourself.

You have no regrets though. By the time your agency announced your return, new opportunities were offered to you; too many that you can’t even count, from magazine covers to product endorsements to movie roles. And you’re very grateful.

“Ready?” Sebastian nudged your shoulder, smiling at you.

“Of course,” You answered, hitting him on the ribs which caused him to topple. You laugh at his overdramatic reaction. “I’m more nervous about the twitter thing. Norton seems to be a big fan of the bird app.” Seb chuckled but agreed at what you said.

Before you knew it, you’re already walking out with behind Seb. Graham Norton gave both of you a big smile. As you sat on your designated seat, you looked around at the small amount of crowd due to protocols. You can count them on your fingers but they’re loud. Your heart warmed at their bright smiles at you.

You and Seb were asked about the movie and your characters. It’s about two con artists falling in love unexpectedly. The movie was shot in Italy, the whole production team and cast live in Venice for three months for filming. You enjoyed your stay there, but you hated not being with your boyfriend physically. You didn’t mind the time difference, Chris was happy to adjust for you. You just missed his hugs and kisses that’s all.

“So, you both don’t have twitter. Am I right?” Graham asked. You and Seb nodded. “Why? Ladies first.”

“There’s just something about twitter that terrifies me,” You stated. “I would see my boyfriend open the app for news, but he won’t bother looking at his notification. I’m too scared to even try it out. I heard that twitter fans are different breed of stans.” You added, giggling. Graham smiled at the mention of your boyfriend, but didn’t push it yet.

“Yeah, I agree.” Sebastian concurred. “I’ve done this interview once with Anthony Mackie reading thirst tweets and um, I’m traumatized.”

“Well, today is your lucky day Sebastian because we skipped the thirst tweets.” Graham announced. “But we still picked some questions on twitter that you and Y/N may or may not answer.”

You smiled. If only American interviewers are like this then maybe I would always go back in their shows, you thought. You recalled two or three shows in your mind that you haven’t returned to after one interview. The only talk show that you seem to go back to is Jimmy Fallon’s. Not only the guy knows boundaries, he’s also genuine and always look after his guests.

“Sebastian will you marry me please?” Graham read the tweet. “Now that’s a question.”

The crowd laughed along with you and Seb. He rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling under his breath. “You know what. If only I knew who you are then maybe I would. For now, no.” He answered, honestly. The crowd ooh-ed. Some even hissed as if they just get burned.

“Now that’s what we call rejection, uh, at sebbemyhusband on twitter. I hope you recover well.”

“Am I the only one who ships Sebastian and Y/N in real life? Their on and off screen chemistry is just *chef’s kiss*”

With a big grin on your face, you shrugged your shoulders. “We’re just really great actors, you guys. Sebastian and I actually fight a lot on set.” You revealed.

It was true though, you and Sebastian pulled so many pranks on each other that sometimes there would be a day where none of you would talk to each other because of annoyance. “There was a time when this guy,” You pointed at Seb, “Ate a whole raw onion before our kissing scene. Who does that?!” You complained at the crowd. Their faces grimaced and ew-ed.

“Hey, hey.” Sebastian interfered, “We both suffered, okay? Raw onion doesn’t taste good if it’s red. I went through that torture to torture you.”

You scoffed, “See?”

Graham Norton coughed to get you and Seb’s attention, “Chemistry,” he said before continuing his fake coughs.

You and Sebastian continue to answer tweets and some of Graham’s question, such as your experience on staying far away from home and adjusting a short term life in Italy. You answered confidently how much you enjoyed your stay there, but openly talks about how much you miss home and your boyfriend, Chris. You haven’t mentioned his name yet, assuming that everyone knows it’s Chris Evans.

Your instagram profile has become like a Chris fan account, full of stolen pictures of him at home and only a few selfies of you. Chris knows about this and every time you’d tag him in a photo, he always make sure to like it and leave a comment. Most of the time his comment is a teasing and mocking one, which then you would reply at his ridiculousness.

You once posted a stolen picture of him in the living room, drinking beer while watching a Disney movie. Oliver and Company to be exact. ‘boyfriend watching dodger with dodger. love my boys’ you captioned on the photo. It took for the whole movie to finish before Chris saw your post. By then, you’re preparing lunch for the both of you. Your music stopped for a second because of the notification you received. You have your instagram notification muted except for Chris and selected friends. It’s your way of not missing their comments on your posts.

chrisevans stalker officialyn :P

anthonymackie @ chrisevans i thought you’re going to watch cinderella man? chrisevans changed my mind last minute officialyn he said cinderella wouldn’t like beer chrisevans did I? @ officialyn

robertdowneyjr not @ my daughter officialyn not watching with chris officialyn lunch is more important, ‘dad’ robertdowneyjr susan said you’re our ‘illegally’ adopted daughter. tell your parents.

“Is there a chance in you and Adam getting back together? At Y/N.” Sebastian scoffed at the twitter question Graham read. Seb didn’t even hide the roll of his eyes. You may have picked up a fight with Seb a lot during filming, but he also became one of your closest friends. You told him about your ex, Adam. He said that he relates to the relationship you once had with him. Private yet public.

Once the news of you and him breaking up, everyone wants you get back together with him even if they don’t know what happens behind closed doors. You loved your ex, yes, but there’s a reason why they’re just exes now and you’re happier with Chris than you have ever with any other man.

“No.” You answered, plainly. “We both moved on and I’m very happy with my boyfriend, thank you very much.”

“We’re talking about Chris Evans, right?” Graham Norton finally spoke out. He has been testing the water for the past few minutes on how comfortable you are talking about Chris. He didn’t want to scare you by suddenly mentioning your boyfriend. But since, you always bring up Chris, he assumed that you don’t mind the mention of your lover.

“Yeah, yeah. The Chris Evans.” You couldn’t help the giggle that followed. The crowd erupted in laughter, ‘causing more warmth on your cheeks. “No! Now, I’m blushing.” You covered your face with your hands when a picture of you and Chris appeared on the TV behind Graham.

“To be honest with you, Y/N. I have been observing how comfortable you would be with the mention of Chris. When I saw how confident you are at bringing him up, I called the queue on the director to hit up Chris,” Norton revealed. The photo on the TV changed with Chris sitting on a chair with the all too familiar background of his kitchen. The same house that you also moved into about nine months ago.

“So this was taken roughly ten minutes ago, but Chris was able to send a video from Boston.” Graham uttered. “Roll it.” The video played.

“Hi, honey. I haven’t seen you for about five months now, and I miss you. I can’t wait for you to come home. Dodger misses you just as much. Good luck and have fun on promotion, I love you and I’m very proud of you. Bye.” The video ended. You’re blushing furiously at this point, with tears welling up your eyes.

Looking up, you tried to dry your tears with the fan of your hands. Everyone laughed in the room. “I don’t want to cry. This makeup took hours.” You complained. A tissue was passed on you, Graham and Sebastian beaming at your current situation. “How dare you guys watch me in tears and just stare.”

“Awe.” Graham said, fondly.

“She’s a real one. Very loyal.” Sebastian complimented.

“Can I just say, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve seen this year.” Graham added, with a genuine fondness on his eyes as he look at you.

“I just,” You sniffed, “I love him. Chris gave me the brightest days of my life and I couldn’t thank him enough. He’s such a ray of sunshine, and I really see my future with him.”

The crowd, Sebastian, and Graham clapped. “That’s true love, right there folks.” Graham said. “Everybody, Sebastian Stan and Y/N Y/SN! Their movie Cons of Venice now showing on selected theatres and now streaming on Disney Plus. Let’s give them our support and a round of applause.”

Thank you all for 500 followers. I love you all. Thank you for appreciating my works, no one has really appreciated my stories in real life. I’m glad I have you all <3

~chai x

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans imagines #chris evans imagine #chris evans masterlist #chris evans fluff #chris evans x reader #chris evans x oc #songfics #fiction #fluff #Chai's Masterlist

356 notes · View notes

sineala · 3 years

Text

Tony Stark and Arthuriana

Coming to you by special request, a very long post about 616 Tony's interest in Arthuriana, with a focus on all of Tony's run-ins with Morgan le Fay!

I feel like I should disclaim the extent of my knowledge here, which is that I still haven't managed to read anywhere near every issue of Iron Man -- at least, not yet, anyway -- so I'm just going by the things I know I've read, and Morgan le Fay's Marvel wiki entry is frustratingly under-cited, so it's very possible I've missed something relevant, but I'm pretty sure I've got the big stuff down. My other disclaimer here is that I'm not as big an Arthurian nerd as Tony is, which is to say that most of my familiarity comes from modern retellings -- T. H. White's The Once and Future King, Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Mists of Avalon, Mary Stewart's The Crystal Cave, Rosemary Sutcliff's Sword at Sunset -- and not so much the usual classic sources on the Matter of Britain, though I've read bits and pieces of them.

(This is because I wanted to read versions of them that were as close to the original as possible but so far have not ended up finishing any of them because, well, that's hard. So I've never read the Mabinogion because I do not know Welsh. I've got the Norton Critical Edition of Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur, which is probably the best student edition if you're looking for something without modernized spellings, as I was. I've also got -- well, okay, it's my wife's but I'm borrowing it -- a relatively recent Boydell & Brewer edition (ed. Reeve, tr. Wright) of Geoffrey of Monmouth's Historia Regum Britanniae (History of the Kings of Britain), which is, you guessed it, in Latin with a facing English translation. I haven't gotten very far in it because, in case you didn't know this about Latin texts, the beginning is pretty much always the hardest, so I gave up and read some Plautus adaptations instead. Anyway, if for some reason you too want to read Geoffrey of Monmouth in the original Latin I'd recommend that one, but I can't recommend any particular English translations because I've never read one by itself. I bet you didn't think you'd be getting Latin prose recommendations in this post. I mean, maybe you did; it is me, after all.)

Okay. Right. King Arthur. Here we go.

We've got:

Flashbacks to Tony's childhood in late Iron Man volume 1

A brief discussion of Morgan's origin story and Avengers #187

Iron Man vol 1 #149-150: Doomquest

What If vol 1 #33: What if Iron Man was trapped in the time of King Arthur?

Iron Man vol 1 #249-250: Recurring Knightmare

Iron Man: Legacy of Doom #1-4

Avengers vol 3 #1-4: The Morgan Conquest

Civil War: The Confession

Mighty Avengers vol 1 #9-11: Time Is On No One's Side

In terms of universe-internal chronology, we know from Iron Man #287, from 1992, that Tony has been a fan of King Arthur since childhood. This is an issue of a fandom-favorite arc which features Tony having a lot of childhood flashbacks, including the famous "Stark men are made of iron" line (in #286) that for some reason MCU fandom decided it loved; I mean, seriously, I've seen that quoted in way more MCU fic than 616 fic. But slightly later, in #287, we get an entire page devoted to Tony's love of King Arthur.

The narration reads: "Over the next few years, I learned as my father intended. Discipline of body. Strength of character. But in what free time I was allowed, I worked my way through the school's library. At thirteen, I discovered Mallory [sic], who showed me a whole new world. A world of dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Of chivalry and honor. And the fantastic deeds -- of armored heroes."

The art shows Tony as a child sitting under a tree, reading a book labeled Mort D'Arthur by Mallory [sic] -- no, don't ask me why nobody at Marvel checked how to spell either the name of the book or its author -- and daydreaming of King Arthur, the Sword in the Stone, knights, et cetera. Just in case you somehow missed the extremely blatant hint that we are meant to understand that Tony's knight obsession heavily influenced him becoming Iron Man as an adult, we see one of his armors mixed in with all the drawings of knights. So, yes, canonically Tony is Iron Man at least partly because he's a giant King Arthur nerd, which I think is so very sweet. I love him. He's such a dork!

(This issue is currently in print in the Iron Man Epic Collection War Machine, should you need your own copy.)

This isn't actually the only reference to Tony as a King Arthur fanboy in this era of canon, either; a little later, in IM #298, we see that one of Tony's passwords is actually "Mallory." (Yeah, no, they still couldn't spell. But it's cute.)

But in terms of actual publication order, this is definitely not the first time we have seen in canon that Tony is into Arthuriana, as I'm sure you all know. I would assume, in fact, that giving Tony a childhood interest in Arthuriana is because Doomquest is one of the most beloved Iron Man story arcs of all time, and that all started at least a decade before IM #287 here was published.

The villain of Doomquest -- the one who isn't Doctor Doom, at least -- is Morgan le Fay. Yes, that Morgan le Fay. Yes, Arthur's evil half-sister Morgan le Fay. Yes, all of this King Arthur stuff is canonically real history on Earth-616. Morgan's first appearance in Marvel, per the wiki, was in Black Knight #1 (1955), which I have not read, and judging by the summary I feel like this is probably just supposed to be a straight-up comic retelling of Arthurian legends for kids; I don't think Marvel really had the whole Marvel Universe in mind as a concept in 1955, so I'm not sure this was meant to connect to anything else. I feel like this is another one of those instances of Marvel discovering that they can write comics about characters in the public domain for free -- like, I'm pretty sure that's how we also ended up with, like, Norse, Greek, and Roman mythology wedged into 616.

As far as I can tell from the wiki, the first time Morgan tangled with the Avengers (or indeed the larger 616 universe) in any way actually predated Doomquest -- it was in an early arc in Spider-Woman (#2-6) and then Avengers #187, which came out in 1979, actually right when Demon in a Bottle was happening over in Iron Man comics. If you read #187, Iron Man is not in it because he's off the team due to his drinking problem and also his accidentally murdering the Carnelian ambassador problem. So Wonder Man's filling in instead. This issue is part of Michelinie's rather sporadic Avengers run, which makes sense, I guess, considering where we see Morgan next.

Anyway, Avengers #187 is the classic issue where Wanda is possessed by Chthon, but what you may not remember from Chthon's backstory (I sure didn't!) is that he was summoned by Morgan le Fay because she was the first person who tried to wield the Darkhold to summon him. As you can imagine, this did not work out especially well for her and her followers and they had to seal Chthon away in Wundagore Mountain, which was where Wanda found him. (The Spider-Woman stuff is only slightly earlier and also appears to be about Morgan and the Darkhold; the Darkhold is not one of the areas of 616 canon I am especially conversant with, alas. It's on my to-read list.)

Doomquest, as you probably know, was a classic Iron Man two-parter in Layton & Michelinie's first Iron Man run that set up Tony and Doom as rivals; Doomquest itself was IM #149-150, in 1981, and then in their second IM run they came back and did a sequel in 1989, Recurring Knightmare (IM #249-250), and then the much later four-part sequel to that was the 2008 miniseries Iron Man: Legacy of Doom, which was also by Layton & Michelinie but generally does not seem to be as popular as the first two parts. They've all been reprinted, if you're looking for copies; I have a Doomquest hardcover that collects the first four issues and then a separate Legacy of Doom hardcover. Currently in the Iron Man Epic Collection line there's a volume called Doom, which confusingly only collects the 249-250 part of the storyline (as well as surrounding issues), because for some reason the first Layton & Michelinie run isn't in Epics yet but the second one is. So the beginning of Doomquest isn't currently in print, as far as I can tell. I'm sure you can find it anyway.

So what's Doomquest about? Okay, so you remember how Doctor Doom's mother's soul is stuck in hell for all eternity? Well, Doom's obviously interested in getting her back, and the strategy he has embarked on is to try to team up with other powerful magicians who can help him out, and he thinks Morgan le Fay would be a good choice, for, uh, his quest. Doom's quest. A Doomquest, if you will. (If you've ever read Doctor Strange & Doctor Doom: Triumph & Torment, you're familiar with the part where he later ends up waylaying Strange for this and they go to hell together. And if you haven't read Triumph & Torment, you really should, because it's amazing.)

So Doom is off to his time machine to go team up with Morgan le Fay and Tony thinks Doom is up to something -- Doom has been stealing components for his time machine from a lot of people, including Tony -- and he follows him and it turns out one of Doom's lackeys has a grudge and wants to trap Doom in the past forever, and Tony gets caught up in it. Now they're both in Camelot. Surprise! #149 is actually all setup; they don't get to Camelot until #150.

IM #150 begins with Doom and Tony thrown back into the past; there's a fandom-famous splash page of them locked in combat, only to realize that they have found themselves in Camelot.

They are then discovered by knights; Doom would very much like to attack them, but Tony, who naturally would be happy to LARP Camelot forever, persuades him to play nice. Also Doom thinks Iron Man is only Tony's bodyguard so he keeps referring to him as "lackey," much to Tony's annoyance. Somehow everyone thinks they're sorcerers. Can't imagine why. The knights take them to meet King Arthur himself, and Tony has clearly had his introduction all ready to go, as he introduces himself in a timeline-appropriate manner, says he's here to apprehend Doom, and demonstrates his "magic" by levitating Arthur's throne. Doom's response is essentially "I'm the king of Latveria," which is, y'know, also valid. So they're guests at Camelot for the night while Arthur figures out what to do with them.

We then have a page devoted to Tony alone in his room, musing sadly about how alien he feels, how he doesn't know if he'll ever get home, how he could never fit in here without his beloved technology. Then a Sexy Lady shows up to keep him company for the night, and he decides maybe it's not all bad. Thanks, Marvel. I guess they can't all be winners.

Doom is using his evening much more productively; he compels one of the servants to tell him where Morgan's castle is, because he's still interested in having that team-up. Then he jets off. Literally. He has a jetpack.

The next morning Arthur's like "one of you is still here and one of you has punched a hole through the castle wall and flown off to join Morgan so I guess I know which of you is more trustworthy." He then explains to Tony who Morgan is, because Tony professes ignorance, because clearly we had not yet retconned in Tony's love of Arthuriana. Tony offers to go fight Doom and Morgan with Arthur; meanwhile, Morgan and Doom have teamed up and Morgan has offered to help get Doom's mother out of hell if he commands her undead armies against Arthur because for Reasons she can't command them herself anymore. So that's a thing that happens.

So, yes, it's Tony and Arthur versus Doom and Morgan. Fight fight fight!

Tony tries Doom first but then decides to hunt Morgan down, and in the ensuing fight we get what I think is Tony's first ever "I hate magic," a complaint that we all know he still makes even to this day.

Anyway, Tony freezes a dragon with Freon (mmm, technology) and Morgan gets upset and disappears, so the battle comes to an end, and of course Doom is extremely mad at Tony because he blames Tony for Morgan not sticking around to save Doom's mom, because I guess Doom trusted her to keep her word? Weird. (Like I said, for the next chapter of Doom saving his mother, go read Triumph & Torment.)

Doom says if he and Tony work together, the components in both of their armors can send them both home. So Tony has to trust Doom. Which he does, because he really has no other choice. They build a time machine and Tony makes Doom agree to a 24-hour truce when they get back, so they can both get home. So it all works out okay, and they end up in the present, and Doom tells him, ominously, that they will meet again. Okay, then. That concludes the original Doomquest. It's fun! You can see why fandom likes it.

So that's all well and good, but you might have noticed that Tony's ability to get home hinged on Doom actually being trustworthy. And Doom was. But what if Doom hadn't been? What if he'd just stranded Tony in Camelot forever As you may have surmised from the form of that question, that is in fact a question Marvel asked themselves, because, yes, there's a What If about this! What If v1 #33 is "What if Iron Man was trapped in the time of King Arthur?"

The divergence point from canon, as you can probably guess, is the very end of Doomquest. Instead of Doom bringing Tony home, he deceives him and leaves him in Camelot. And since Tony cannibalized a lot of the tech from his armor to make the time machine, he doesn't have a way to go home.

This is not a story where Tony comes up with a way to go home after all. He really doesn't get to go home. But instead of drowning his sorrows in mead -- because, remember, Demon in a Bottle has already happened and Tony is sober now -- he decides he might as well just play the hand he's dealt. So with what's left of his armor, he defeats some enemies that Morgan rounds up to send against Camelot. And for his services, he's knighted. He is now Sir Anthony.

Tony acknowledges that he is both living the dream and would also like very, very much to go home.

He does end up having some fun in Camelot; it's not all miserable. But he obviously doesn't want to be there.

So if you're at all familiar with King Arthur, you know how this goes, right? Arthur fights Mordred and Mordred kills him. And that does happen in this version. Except Tony is right there, and with his dying words, Arthur asks Tony to rule Camelot... and Tony agrees.

So, yes, Tony Stark becomes king of the Britons after Arthur's death and he never goes home again. The end. Man, I love What Ifs.

Heading back to main 616 continuity, there is still more of this arc to go. The original Doomquest was only two issues, yes, but it was popular enough that Layton & Michelinie did a sequel a hundred issues later, in their second run of Iron Man, and that's Iron Man #249-250, Recurring Knightmare. (In the intervening issues were Denny O'Neil's IM run, specifically the second drinking arc (#160-200), and then Layton & Michelinie came back and most famously gave us Armor Wars (#225-232). I would have to say that Armor Wars is definitely the standout fandom-favorite arc of their second IM run; for their first one, I think a lot of people would have a hard time choosing between Doomquest and Demon.) But anyway, yes. Recurring Knightmare.

Recurring Knightmare is... well, the best way I can describe it is "a trip." It is definitely a sequel to Doomquest, and it is also definitely not a sequel you would ever have expected to see for Doomquest.

Much like #149, #249 is pretty much just setup. Fun setup, but the big action is in the next issue. We open with Doom in Latveria, on his throne, pondering which of his servants he should have disintegrated. Anyway, he's just hanging out there when a mysterious object appears. In California, Tony is suited up and entertaining the crowd at a mall opening when the same object also appears! He takes it to his lab. Please note that this is after the Kathy Dare incident, so Tony is still recovering and is walking with a cane. Doom sees on the news that Iron Man has found the same object, which cannot be carbon-dated, and he shows up at Tony's house. He criticizes Tony's taste in art.

Anyway, Doom basically orders Tony to work with him. Tony refuses, and then Doom sends some robots to attempt to steal Tony's version of the object because he thinks if he has them both he will be powerful. Doom manages to steal it, and when he puts the pieces together, both he and Tony disappear.

So where do they go, you might ask? Camelot?

Not exactly. The future! There is a great callback to the Doomquest splash page.

It turns out they are in London in 2093. Merlin brought them there. Tony still hates magic. And in the future, King Arthur is still there, except he is now a child, because he has been reborn. But he does remember Tony from Doomquest, at which point Tony kneels. Doom, of course, is not impressed. He asks why they have been brought to the future.

The answer is that things are going wrong in the future. If you do not personally remember United States politics in the 1980s, I need you to google the words "Strategic Defense Initiative" right now. I'll wait.

Back with me? Okay, so this is a future where Reagan's Star Wars program actually happened the way he wanted it to, and the satellites are still hanging around the Earth in the future and messing everything up, and Arthur and Merlin need Tony and Doom's help to stop them. Doom once again flies away with his jetpack, of course.

Tony is game to help, but he's not in an armor that can stay in space for long. This is when Merlin takes him and Arthur to the mall and Tony manages to get everything to upgrade his armor at Radio Shack. You see what I meant about this issue being weird.

Tony is out in space trying to disarm the SDI platform, which is where he runs into his future descendant, Andros Stark, who is in armor you will probably recognize from Iron Man 2020. He is referred to as "the resurrected spawn of Iron Man 2020" so I assume he's actually directly related to Arno rather than a direct descendant of Tony; Wiki confirms that Arno is his grandfather. This is all from way before Arno was contemporaneous with Tony in canon. Anyway, he's fighting Tony.

Oh, by the way, Future Doom exists. Future Doom would like to rule this future Earth and for some reason Andros would like to help him. Meanwhile, Present Doom finds out from Merlin that he can't leave except by magic and he can't leave without Tony, so he is reluctantly on Tony's side.

They need help from the Lady of the Lake, except the lake has been paved over and is now a parking lot. Merlin makes the lake come back and then of course they get Excalibur. Arthur is a kid, so he can't wield a longsword; Doom assumes he's going to take it because he is basically a king, and he's pretty grumpy when the sword picks Tony. Tony then uses Excalibur to destroy the space lasers, and I bet that is a sentence you never thought you would read. It's pretty cool. Tony concludes that magic has its good points. Tony stops Andros and Doom stops, uh, himself, and the world is saved and they get to go home. Also, Doom finds out Tony is Iron Man, but when Merlin sends them back he conveniently erases their memories, so neither of them remember anything about this and Tony's secret is still safe. And that's the sequel to Doomquest.

And if you think that's weird, wait until you see Legacy of Doom.

Iron Man: Legacy of Doom is a four-issue miniseries from 2008, also by Layton and Michelinie. Even though it's from 2008, it's set during a much more classic time in Iron Man, continuing on from where we left off in this Doomquest saga. We start with a framing story in 2008. Tony, who has Extremis now, is busy scrapping some of his older armors and reviewing his logs when he suddenly remembers that there was a whole thing with Doom that happened that he seems to have forgotten about until right now. So the whole thing is narrated by Tony in flashback.

Tony's in space fixing a satellite when a hologram of Doom shows up and summons him to Latveria. It's not really clear why Doom needs Tony's help in particular here, but Doom tells Tony that he's discovered that Mephisto would like to bring about the end of the world, which Doom finds, and I quote, "presumptive." So Doom has his Time Cube, and with it he takes Tony to hell.

(Yes, I promise this is relevant to Doomquest. There will be some Arthuriana shortly.)

Doom brings Tony to Mephisto, and it turns out it's a setup! Doom trades Tony for an item he wants from Mephisto, leaves, and Tony's going to be trapped in hell forever! Oh no! (I mean, he's not. But it's quite a cliffhanger.)

At the beginning of issue #2, we find out what the Arthurian connection is, which is that we learned that after the events of Doomquest, Morgan had been granted sanctuary by Mephisto in exchange for a shard of Excalibur that she had somehow stolen. Doom still wants Morgan's help with some magic -- he doesn't mention what it is here, but he says he needs someone of Pendragon blood, and that'd be her -- so he traded Tony to Mephisto in exchange for, I'm guessing, Morgan and the Excalibur shard.

I have probably mentioned this elsewhere, but Legacy of Doom #2 is one of my favorite issues of Iron Man ever, solely because of the next scene. We return to Tony in hell. Howard Stark is also in hell, and he is now a demon, and Tony has to fight him. Mephisto brings popcorn and watches. This is the one time in canon when Tony actually confronts his father, and okay, yes, it's a fistfight in hell and Howard is a demon, but that's comics for you. Howard spends several pages insulting Tony -- specifically insulting his masculinity, but that's a whole other essay -- until he finally insults Maria too, and that's when Tony fights back, because his mother taught him to be good. Honestly if you're a Tony fan I'd recommend this issue just for that scene.

Anyway, we go back to the Doom and Morgan plot, and Morgan casts the spell Doom wanted, which was fusing the Excalibur shard with Doom's armor. Then Doom sends her back to Camelot rather than hell, because he's still mad that she never helped him get his mom out of hell like she said she would.

Tony freezes Howard with Freon -- yes, the same trick he pulled on the dragon back in Doomquest -- and tells him, "You're no father of mine." It is immensely satisfying.

(I had been going to mention that I thought it was a shame that neither canon nor fandom seems to have really engaged with this confrontation, and I know canon never believes in narrative closure but fandom sure does -- and then, anyway, it occurred to me that since the framing story of Tony remembering this is set when Tony has Extremis, there's a very good chance that he no longer remembers remembering it. Goddammit, Marvel.)

(If I got to retcon one canon thing about Tony, I think "the entirety of World's Most Wanted" is up there. I mean, okay, a lot of things are up there, but WMW is definitely on the shortlist.)

Okay. Tony has now engineered his way out of hell, and he's back with Doom in Latveria. Doom has Excalibur. Doom would very much like to fight him. While wielding Excalibur. You get the sense that this is going to be bad. Another cliffhanger!

Legacy of Doom #3 opens with Tony destroying Doom's lab to buy time and running away from Doom and Excalibur. I should probably mention that Doom still doesn't know Tony is Iron Man (anymore), so he thinks he is dealing only with Iron Man, Tony Stark's lackey. Meanwhile, some scientists at SI think there's something weird going on with space. Meanwhile meanwhile, Tony is in a forest taking a breather when a mysterious old man walks up to him.

It's Merlin! Surprise! Merlin wants Tony's help to stop Doom from doing whatever he's doing with Excalibur. The sword makes you invincible and the scabbard makes you invulnerable, so Merlin sends Tony to Scotland on a fetch quest for the scabbard. Doom has now magically sent the sword in search of the scabbard, so the sword flies away to meet it and Doom follows. Turns out the thing that's wrong with space is a thing that's going to hit Earth at the exact place Tony and Doom are. What a coincidence! So Tony and Doom get trapped in a stone circle and fight some stone warriors and then Tony ends up with the scabbard. And by "ends up with," I mean it fuses to his armor. Next issue!

Legacy of Doom #4 is when things really, really get weird. A giant demon made of eyes (???) appears, and this demon is apparently what Doom had been preparing to fight (because it's mad that Doom stole one of its spellbooks), and now he can't, because the sword and the scabbard aren't together. Thanks, Shellhead.

That's when Merlin shows up and says all is not lost. They can defeat the demon... if they put the sword into the scabbard.

"But I'm the scabbard now!" Tony says, uncomprehending.

"Yes," Merlin says. "You are."

Then Tony gets it.

So, yes, Doom has to, um, penetrate Tony. With Excalibur. I love comics. I love comics so much.

So that's a thing that happens.

And then Tony flies off and, I guess, resolves to never, ever think about any of this again.

We head back to the framing story, in which Tony, now having remembered all of this, flies to Britain, buys the land the lake is on, and paves it over, presumably so it will be there for Merlin to bring back in Iron Man #250. The end.

Whew.

Okay, yeah, I know I didn't have to summarize the whole thing, but Legacy of Doom here really is one of my favorite Iron Man miniseries. And I just want to share the love. Please read it. It's great.

But the Arthuriana fun doesn't end there! In fact, now we get an Arthurian-themed arc that actually isn't in Iron Man comics. It's in Avengers! Iron Man is involved, though.

(There is also apparently a Morgan arc in Avengers #240. I actually haven't read it. It seems to be yet another Spider-Woman arc. I get the impression that this isn't really Arthuriana other than having Morgan in it fighting Jess, though, so it doesn't seem quite as relevant. Morgan also apparently has some appearances in FF, Journey into Mystery, and Marvel Team-Up, but those seem like more of just basic villainy. Also, probably not involving Tony.)

Kurt Busiek's 1998 Avengers run, volume 3, is in large part the kind of Avengers run that is a nostalgic love letter to older comics. Heroes are heroes and villains are villains and good triumphs over evil. The Avengers all live in the mansion and are BFFs. I love it. It does assume that you are already a fan of the Avengers, because it starts out by summoning pretty much everyone who has ever been an Avenger and is available to the mansion, and that is... a lot of people. Thirty-nine, by my count. Also, when the entire team is magically whisked away, we are treated to the following narration, as Steve disappears: "And Captain America's last thought, as the world goes white around him, and he with it -- is that Iron Man would hate this."

The narration doesn't tell you why Iron Man would hate this, or how Captain America would know that Iron Man hates this. This is not explained later on. But if you have read comics -- or if you have read the above summary of Doomquest -- you know that Tony is absolutely, one hundred percent, thinking, "I hate magic." And Steve knows it.

The reference is not relevant to the plot; if you don't get it, you'll be fine. But that's what I mean when I say this is a nostalgia run. There are definitely Easter eggs for people who have read a bunch of comics. Busiek does this a whole lot in his work -- there's a reason you can buy an annotated edition of Marvels -- and, yeah, it happens here too. Just know that there will be references you're not getting, if you're new to comics.

Anyway. So Busiek's run actually starts out with an Arthurian arc, #1-4, "The Morgan Conquest." The name is a dead giveaway. Yes, Morgan le Fay is back. Again. For once, Doom is not involved.

The Avengers are all back from their sojourn on Counter-Earth after fighting Onslaught -- don't worry about it -- and mysterious things are happening. There are a lot of monster attacks. So pretty much everyone who has ever been an Avenger is summoned to the mansion, at which point we learn from Thor about some mystical artifacts that are being stolen. (They are the Norn Stones and also the Twilight Sword. That sounds like something from a Zelda game, doesn't it?) The Avengers go to try to stop this, end up in Tintagel, and then they run into Mordred. He wants to capture Wanda, presumably for Magic Reasons. Morgan le Fay casts a spell on all of them, reshaping reality. Yes, all of them. Surprise!

So now all the Avengers are living in a medieval castle and/or town; Morgan is their queen, and thanks to the power of mind-control they are all basically living in Ye Olden Times. The Avengers are all some variety of knight, except for Wanda, who is chained up in the dungeon so Morgan can steal her magic and use it to fuel all this reality-warping.

Wanda calls for help, and that snaps Steve (Yeoman America!) out of the mind control (or altered reality or whatever you want to call it) pretty fast, because Steve's always been very good at resisting mind control, and then Steve promptly goes and snaps Clint out of it, because I guess Steve is also good at inspiring people to snap out of mind control. "Oh, man!" Clint says. "Not another alternate reality! Not again!" (I assume he's referring to Counter-Earth? Maybe?)

So Steve and Clint go around reassembling the Avengers and orienting them as to reality. They get Jan and Monica easily, but then Steve insists on trying to get Tony because, I guess, he likes Tony and would really like to hang around Tony, who is half-naked and asleep in his bedroom, and certainly I am reading nothing whatsoever into this. Clint tells Steve it's not going to work. Tony has historically been fairly susceptible to mind control; it was only pretty recently at this point that he'd been doing Kang's bidding in The Crossing. But the more serious impediment is that this is Tony Stark and he would obviously like to LARP being a knight forever and ever. Tony, therefore, does not believe Steve, and throws him and Clint out of his bedroom and into the barracks.

"Iron Man's a good guy, normally," Clint says. "But he's waaay too into his whole nobleman/lord of the manor trip. That spell musta hit him right where he lives!"

Clint speaks the truth, clearly.

Anyway, they go around and manage to make pretty much every Avenger in the room other than Tony snap out, and attempt to rebel against Morgan while Tony is stil fighting them because he is Still A Knight. There's a lot of punching, because some of the Avengers still aren't free; they weren't ones Steve found.

The day is saved when Wanda manages to channel Wonder Man and break free. This gives the Avengers a fighting chance against Morgan and the Avengers are all lending Wanda their power when Tony finally snaps out of it and is on the side of good.

Then they take Morgan down, go home, and attempt to figure out which of these thirty-nine people should be on the active Avengers team. Hooray.

But that's not the end of Morgan le Fay showing up to screw around with Tony's life! There's more to come! Not much, but there is one that I know of, and at least one more memorable reference.

(I haven't read all her appearances or anything, but one of them definitely involves Tony; I can't swear that he doesn't appear in any of the other books Morgan shows up in, but it'd be a cameo for him, because I only know of one more arc that she's in in a book that Tony stars in.)

In a few more years, we have now entered the part of Marvel Comics history where Brian Michael Bendis writes all the Avengers books at the same time for, like, seven years running. It was sure A Time. There were a lot of word bubbles.

And the thing about Bendis is, Bendis looooooves Doomquest. If you're familiar with the very end of his tenure at Marvel where he made Doom be Iron Man after Tony got knocked into a coma in Civil War II, you have probably figured out already that he likes Doom. But he also likes Doomquest, specifically.

I mean, if nothing else, the giant splash page in The Confession where Maleev redrew the climactic Doomquest fight while Bendis had Tony talk about how deeply meaningful to his understanding of the world this all was -- and how it allowed him to predict Civil War -- was probably a big clue, right?

As far as I am aware, Morgan le Fay makes exactly one more appearance in Tony's life. And that's in Mighty Avengers vol 1 #9-11. Only one of those issues is named, so I'm going to assume the arc is named after it: Time Is On No One's Side.

You remember Mighty Avengers, right? The deal with the Avengers books at the time was that after Bendis exploded the mansion and made the team disband in Avengers Disassembled, the main Avengers book was no longer called just Avengers. Instead, the main Avengers book was New Avengers, and that was the only Avengers book. Then Civil War happened, Steve got killed, and New Avengers became the book about what was left of the SHRA resistance (i.e., Steve's side) after the war. So about halfway through New Avengers, Mighty Avengers starts up, and Mighty Avengers is about an extremely fucked-up and grief-stricken Tony Stark trying to run the official government-sanctioned Avengers team, with Carol's help. This is the comic with the arc where Tony turned into naked girl Ultron. You remember.

So, anyway, there's this Mighty Avengers arc where Doom is Up To Something (there are symbiotes and a satellite involved) and somehow Tony and the Avengers end up in Latveria, punching Doom. Also, by the way, Doom is visiting Morgan in the past because he likes her. The Avengers attacking his castle made him have to come back to the present, so he's kind of cranky. And he fights Tony, and in the course of the fight, his time platform explodes and sends Doom and Tony and also the Sentry to... the past.

This is one of those times where you should definitely look up the comics if possible because the way the past is visually indicated here is that it's colored with halftone dots the way you would expect old comics to be colored, although they have modern shading and color palettes. It's very charmingly retro.

So the three of them are stuck in New York in the past, and naturally they would like to leave. There's one person in this time who has a time machine and it is, of course, Reed Richards. Doom and Tony have a lot of banter in this arc; I think it's entertaining.

Sentry has to be the one to break them all into the Baxter Building because of that power he has where no one will remember him. So they do that, travel forward in time, and end up in Latveria in the present again except Doom is gone and also things are currently exploding where they are.

Doom, of course, has made a side trip to visit Morgan again and he asks her to help him build an army, because I guess this is what their relationship is like. So the rest of the Avengers are captured by what look to me like Mindless Ones and are in a cave in magic bondage, because comics. Jess comments that at least they aren't naked, because she too is remembering that memorable New Avengers trip to the Savage Land. Doom threatens Carol in some creepy sexist ways and eventually it turns out that Tony and the Sentry are fine and everyone kicks Doom's ass. Business as usual.

And the last page of the arc is Morgan alone, wondering where Doom is. So technically Morgan and Tony don't come face to face here, but I think she counts as being at least partially responsible for ruining Tony's day here. And then Secret Invasion happens and Tony has a very, very bad day.

There are a few more Morgan appearances after this, but, as I said, I don't think any of them involve Tony. She shows up in Dark Avengers, apparently, which was one of the post-Civil War Avengers titles I didn't read, and I know that recently, on the X-Men side of things, she's been in Tini Howard's Excalibur one, which I have only read a little of. No Tony there. Just a lot of Morgan and Betsy Braddock and Brian Braddock and the Otherworld.

If you are interested in Morgan's other appearances, you might like this Marvel listicle that is Morgan le Fay's six most malicious acts. I pulled some of the Darkhold backstory from their discussion, but it's not really focused on Morgan and Tony.

So there you have it! That's everything I know about Tony's love for King Arthur and every run-in I know about that he's had with Morgan le Fay! One of two terrible people in Tony's life named Morgan! Actually, I don't think we've seen Morgan Stark in a while. I wonder if he's alive. There should be a Morgan & Morgan team-up. I should probably stop typing and post this.

The tl;dr point is that you should all read Doomquest and its sequels, especially Legacy of Doom. They're great!

#posts i actually wrote

63 notes · View notes