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a-lexia11 · 2 months

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Mama (My little family part 2)

Leah Williamson x reader

Part 1

Warnings: none, just pure fluff.

Summary: Noah calling Leah “mama” for the first time.

Word counts: 3k

Since Leah met Noah more than seven months ago, a lot has changed. As Leah and I became more serious, we had to explain our relationship to Noah.

And just like that, Leah transitioned from being "a very special friend of mine" to "mommy's girlfriend."

Noah also celebrated his 4th birthday. We had a little birthday party for him with family and friends, including Leah’s family, who met Noah for the first time at the party.

He was a bit shy at first , but Leah’s family was so nice and made him feel comfortable.

The backyard of Leah’s house was filled with laughter and joy as Noah celebrated his 4th birthday surrounded by all his friends. Colorful balloons swayed in the gentle breeze, and the sound of children playing filled the air.

I was in the kitchen getting some snacks ready for the kids. "Hey, everything alright?" Leah came in from the backyard and headed towards the kitchen. "Do you need a hand?" she asked. "Yes, please. Could you place these candies in the bowl?" I replied, pointing to the packet on the counter.

"Sure thing," she said, putting her arm around my shoulders and giving me a kiss on the side of my head.

As she poured the candies into the bowl, we heard a knock on the door. "Oh, that must be my family" she said, putting the packet of candy down and heading toward the door.

Leah’s mother, father, and brother all appeared in the kitchen, each greeting me with a hug. "How are you, sweetheart?" Amanda asked me. "I’m good, thank you" I responded.

"So, where’s the birthday boy?" she said, placing the present she bought on the counter. Just as I was about to respond, Noah came running into my legs. "Mummy, when can we eat the cake?" he asked, looking up at me.

" Soon baby but hey, look who's here," I say to him, pointing at Leah's family standing right in front of us. Noah got a little shy and hid behind my leg, his tiny hand clutching my pants tightly.

Leah knelt down, taking one of Noah's hands in hers. "It's okay, buddy. Don't be scared; they are my family," she reassured him. "Look, this is my mother, Amanda," she said, pointing to Amanda, who gave Noah a gentle smile. "And this is my father, David, and my little brother, Jacob."

Liam wraps his tiny arms around Leah’s neck and hided his head in the crook of her neck. "Hello," he said shyly, waving at them.

They smiled softly at him as Leah picked him up. "Hey, look at what I got you!" Amanda said, showing him his present.

Liam got curious and pulled away from Leah's neck. He looked at the present, then back at me, silently asking for permission to take it and I just nodded at him.

"I hope you'll like it! I personally chose it. Leah said that you love dinosaurs," Jacob said, getting closer and smiling at him.

“Yes! I love dinosaurs!” He suddenly exclaimed, making us laugh. With Leah's help, he opened his present, revealing several dinosaur figurines.

“Wow! Thank you!” He exclaimed. “Look, Leah! Dinosaurs,” he said, showing Leah the dinosaurs. She laughed and replied, “Yes, I can see them.”

Liam reached his little arms out, making grabby hands towards Amanda, who happily took him in her arms. “Thank you, Leah's mummy, daddy, and brother,” he said. We all laughed. “You're welcome, mate,” Jacob said, giving him a high five.

From that moment, Leah's family and mine became one. Our parents also met during the birthday party and practically became best friends.

My dad, Leah’s dad, and her brother bonded over their love for Tottenham, much to Leah’s discontent.

And our moms bonded over their love for North London and shared cooking recipes throughout the whole party.

Noah completely adopted Leah’s family as his own, often asking about Jacob and going out with Amanda and Bella, Leah’s dog, at the park.

And now Noah and I are officially moving into Leah’s house.

Two days after Noah’s birthday party, Leah asked me to move in with her. At first, I was a little unsure; I did not know how Noah would react to such a drastic change.

So, Leah proposed we do it gradually. It started with spending afternoons at Leah’s house, then we began having dinner there as well.

Occasionally, we would sleep over. Leah had a guest room where Noah would sleep, even though it wasn't really appropriate for a 4-year-old, as he was practically drowning in the giant bed.

He didn't really like the room either, describing it as "boring." I mean, it was designed for an adult, so it was plain, unlike his room at our apartment, which was colorful and full of life with tons of toys laying around the room.

Since Noah and I are a team, I needed to know his thoughts on us moving out. So, I asked him about it, and he was more than happy to move in with Leah as long as he could bring his toys with him.

When I told Leah about it, she was ecstatic, assuring us that she would do everything possible to make us feel at home.

I set the last box of my belongings on Leah’s counter and let out a big sigh, feeling exhausted from the long day. Today, Noah and I officially moved into Leah’s house. The past few days have been exhausting, juggling a wild four-year-old, packing all our things, and work… it was all so tiring.

Noah was taking a nap on the couch as I was sorting out my things.Leah came into views “was that the last box?” she asked “yeah, finally” I responded relief lacing my voice.

She smiled at me, and pulled me into her arms, hugging me tightly.Her hands softly rubbing my back and my face in the crook of her neck.

"I'm so happy that you decided to come live with me," she admitted softly. "I know it’s a big step, but I honestly can’t wait for us to start this next chapter of our lives," she continued. I kissed her neck. "Just you wait until you have a four-year-old waking you up by jumping on your bed at 6 a.m., ordering you to wake up because he's hungry," I joked. She laughed.

"Oof! 6 a.m.? Yeah… you know what, maybe it wasn't the best decision for you to live with me. Let's pack your things back up" she teased, and I gently tapped her back since it was the only part of her I could reach as we were still hugging.

“Oh! By the way I have something to show you and Noah!” She said suddenly and pulled away from the hug gently kissing me on the forehead, “what?” I asked her.

"Let's wait until Noah wakes up, and I'll show it to both of you" she said. "In the meantime, let's continue unpacking." I agreed, then turned around and bent down to pick up a box that I had placed on the ground earlier.

After some time, Leah and I were in the kitchen enjoying a snack.

"Mummy?" I heard Noah as he made his way towards us, rubbing his eyes. Once he was in front of me, he raised his arms, asking to be picked up.

As soon as I picked him up, he clung to me, wrapping his arms around my neck, resting his head on my shoulder, and wrapping his legs around my waist.

"Aw, my little koala," I cooed at him, "Did you enjoy your nap?" I inquired as I gently placed my hand on the back of his head, softly stroking it. He simply nodded, still a bit groggy from his nap.

After a few minutes of silence, just standing in the middle of the kitchen cuddling, he lifted his head. "Leah? Can I have a snack, please?" he asked. "Yes, of course, mate," she replied, reaching into one of the cabinets and pulling out some Goldfish crackers.

She opened the package and placed them on the kitchen counter as I sat him up on one of the high chair.

"Thank you, Lee" he said. "You're welcome, little man," she responded, planting a series of kisses on his cheek, making him giggle and try to kiss her cheeks in return.

"Eat your snack now , mate , so I can show you your surprise," Leah said after pulling away. "A SURPRISE!?" He burst out, his eyes gleaming. "Yes, a surprise!" She echoed his excitement. Noah grabbed a handful of goldfish, stuffing them in his mouth and devouring them quickly.

"Hey, Noah, be careful. Eat slowly, baby, or you might choke!" I gently warned him. He nodded and started eating a bit more slowly.

“I finished!” He exclaimed a while later “I want to see my surprise now Leah please,please,please ” he pleaded. “Okay sweetheart since you ask so nicely” she responded

“Let’s go my loves! ” she cheered picking up Noah holding him with one arms and reaching out her other hand to me, wriggling her fingers signaling me to take her hand.

I take it and intertwined our fingers,she smiled at me and kissed my knuckles gently.

“Me too” Noah exclaimed reaching a hand towards me I give him my other hand and he copied Leah’s action by kissing my knuckles.

I smiled at him and lightly brushed his cheek with the back of my hand.

We made our way upstairs and stopped in front of a room. I noticed that the door had a sign with the name "Noah" on it. She let go of my hand, placed Noah on the floor, and knelt in front of him, holding his shoulders.

“Ok buddy, so are you ready to see your new bedroom?” Leah told him smiling wildly at him.

“Yes” Noah exclaimed happily jumping up and down. “Okay,love close your eyes” Noah put his small hands over his eyes.

“No peaking!” Leah warned gently also putting her hands over his eyes.Leah turned towards me “Darling, could you please open the door?” She asked me.

“Of course” I got closer to the door, my hand on the handle and opened it.

I was met with a dinosaur themed bedroom, dinosaurs all over the room, literally. Dinosaurs bed sheet, dinosaurs curtains, a shelf full of dinosaurs placed just above the bed, even the wallpaper had little dinosaurs as design.

I was stunned, when did she have the time to do all that?

"Wow" is all I could say, turning to Leah and smiling thankfully at her making wild gesture with my hands. “That’s amazing”I mouthed at her.

"Hey! I wanna see too, mummy, it's MY bedroom." Leah and I both laughed.

"Okay, are you ready, buddy?" Leah asked. "More than ready," he responded enthusiastically. "Okay... at 3, you can open your eyes. 1... 2... 3!" Leah exclaimed, removing her hands from his eyes.

As Noah exclaimed, "WOWWW dinosaurs," I made my way back to Leah. She embraced me from behind, intertwining our fingers and placing our hands on my stomach as we observed Noah dashing around his new bedroom, exploring and marveling at everything he could find.

As Noah got distracted with a dinosaur card game and sat cross-legged in the middle of the room, I turned my head towards Leah, she was already gazing at me with a lovestruck expression. "I think he hates it" she joked, and I chuckled.

She began to gently rock us from side to side.

"When did you find the time to do all this?" I asked.She just shrugged and replied, "I have my ways" winking at me mischievously.

I tenderly kissed her lips. "Thank you, truly, for everything. Thank you for making me and my son happy " I whispered, resting my forehead against hers.

"And thank you for loving me and for allowing me to have a family with you," she expressed, kissing my forehead, then the tip of my nose, and finally my lips.

She pulled away and playfully rubbed our noses together as we giggled.

Our moment was interrupted by little arms wrapping around our legs. "Hey! I'm still here, don't forget about me," Noah exclaimed.

Looking down at him, we chuckled. Leah briefly let go of her embrace around me to lift him up. Holding Noah in one arm and wrapping the other around my waist as she drew me closer to them.

I dramatically gasped, "Oh my days! Leah, how could we have forgotten about the baby?"

"No, I'm not a baby! I'm a big boy, I'm four years old, mommy!" he proudly declared, holding up three fingers.

Leah and I laughed, and I reached for his hands, lifting another one of his little fingers. "Here, darling, four fingers," I pointed out.

Noah glanced at his fingers and let out a soft "oh" of understanding. He then proudly displayed his hand again, this time with four fingers raised, repeating, "Four years old, not a baby!"

"I don't care how old you are, you'll always be my baby" I reassured him, showering him with kisses all over his face.

He squealed and giggled, trying to escape the kiss attack, "Leah, help, please!" he called out to Leah.

"Of course, buddy, I'll help your mom," she replied and joined in, peppering him with kisses all over his face.

He giggled uncontrollably, "It tickles! Stop!" he begged, trying to catch his breath. Leah and I paused, letting him catch his breath.

Taking a deep breath, he rested his head on Leah's shoulder, calming down as I gently rubbed his back.

"Thank you very much for the room, Leah. It's the best room ever, you're the best !" he expressed, placing his tiny hands on Leah's cheeks kissing the tip of her nose.

Leah's heart melted, "You're welcome, buddy. I'd do anything for you. "

"Anything? So, would you please come play dinosaurs with me? You too, Mummy?" he asked hopefully. "Yes, of course, buddy," Leah responded.

We all moved to the center of the room, sitting on the floor. Leah and I sat facing each other, with Noah between her legs as he began explaining how to play dinosaurs.

Later that day, as usual, I was making dinner because Leah is hopeless in the kitchen. Leah and Noah burst into the kitchen with him piggybacking on her, laughing hysterically.

"What's for dinner tonight, love?" she asked. I turned around, wrapped my arms around Leah's neck, and playfully tousled Noah's hair.

"Sorry, guys, but tonight I tried something a bit more daring. So, on the menu tonight: mashed potatoes with a side of broccoli." Leah and Noah both made a face and said, "Ugh, broccoli," in unison.

One thing Noah and Leah shared was their preference for plain food, which can be a bit tricky for me because it's tiring to eat the same dishes every day: gnocchi, ham, pasta, steak, and so on...

"Oh! How could I forget the chicken nuggets?!" I added, as they both cheered, "Chicken nuggets! Chicken nuggets!"

I chuckled and shooed them away so I could get back to cooking.

After an eventful dinner where I attempted to convince two children that broccoli is actually beneficial for them and their health, we settled on the couch to watch a movie.

We were all cozied up on the couch, with Noah nestled between us, clutching his plushie dinosaurs that Leah had given him when they first met.

After about 30 minutes, I realized Noah was already asleep, and I was starting to feel sleepy too.

I gently nudged Leah, who turned to look at me, and I could tell she was also about to doze off. It had been a pretty exhausting day.

"Shall we head to bed?" I asked her, and she nodded. I got up to turn off the TV while Leah picked Noah up.

We made our way upstairs and into Noah’s room. Leah gently laid him on the bed and tucked him in with the duvet.

Noah began to stir. “Mommy?” he whispered, reaching out for me. “Shhh, baby, it’s okay. Go back to sleep,” I soothed, gently brushing his hair back.

“Okay, Mummy. I love you,” he said. “I love you too,” I replied. He then turned his head slightly towards Leah, who was sitting on the bed next to him. “I love you too, Mama,” he whispered.

I froze. It was the first time Noah had said those words—the “I love you” part and, more importantly, the “Mama” part.

I looked at Leah, who appeared as shocked as I was, but she quickly regained her composure and softly whispered, “I love you too, my sweet boy,” before kissing his forehead.

Noah's gentle smile appeared as he drifted back to sleep. Leah and I quietly exited the room, and as she softly shut the door, I noticed tears welling up in her eyes.

"What's the matter? Are you alright?" I asked with concern. "He called me mama and said that he loved me," she whispered gently.

I wrapped my arms around her neck, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Of course, he loves you. Even though he's never said it before, you could feel it, baby," I reassured her, rubbing her back.

She nestled her head on my neck. "My heart is so full right now. I'm so happy," she tearfully expressed.

I pulled away from the hug,held her face in my hands, and gave her a long, passionate kiss on her lips.

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to us," I conveyed once we parted. She smiled softly at me, pulling me into an another embrace.

"Once again, thank you for making me and our son happy," I whispered in her ear. She hugged me tightly and kissed my temple. She softly repeated, "our son..." as if she couldn't quite believe it.

"Come on, let's go to bed," I said after we pulled away, taking her hands in mine and leading us toward our bedroom.

Our first night officially in the new home turned out to be a great success.

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thirteenfrogs · 2 months

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‘hot & heavy’ — leah williamson x reader

leah williamson x fem!reader

based on hot & heavy by lucy dacus !

italics are flashbacks

not proofread and idk if makes sense

so. many. words. (7.8k)

—

being back here makes me hot in the face

hot blood in my pulsing veins

england, you know, is home.

you associate that word with the country so often that it always surprises you that the dictionary definition of home isn't simply the polaroid of your house in milton keynes that you took when you were 8.

england is home even when you leave, and it's home when you come back after years away.

being back in england — specifically in milton keynes — makes your cheeks warm, and you're not sure whether it's the uncharacteristically hot sun or something deeper in the pit of your stomach that makes you all too aware of the hot blood in your pulsing veins.

heavy memories weighing on my brain

hot and heavy in the basement of your parents' place

your memories of milton keynes are varied — some are from your childhood, where you spent hours wishing on dandelions, kicking a ball around the neighbouring streets, and chasing the ice-cream van with a 50p coin you found in the gutter in the hopes of a screwball or a mr. whippy.

some memories are from your teenage years, where the bus ride to school was more entertaining than any parties your friends dragged you to in short dresses and the promise of a kiss from the good looking lad in the year above, no matter how much you insisted that you would much rather go to the cinema with your mates (and sneakily hold hands with your best friend).

few memories are from your adult years, when you decided to travel to neighbouring cities and spent hours exploring the intricacies of museum architecture and flirting to get free drinks in the new pub that opened around the corner from your secondary school.

every memory, though, includes her.

leah williamson — your childhood best friend, teenage love, and the reason why being back home feels both freeing and suffocating at the same time.

you used to be so sweet

leah used to pick flowers.

it was something that, more often than not, ended with you both being chased down the street by an angry neighbour who had fists in the air yelling that they were already on the phone to your mums and you would both be in for it when you got home.

it was always worth it, though, when after running so fast for so long you swear your legs could fall off, leah presents you with a fistful of whatever flowers were growing in that particular garden with some blades of grass and the roots still attached to the muddy bouquet. there would always be a dandelion, too, and the blonde girl would insist you make a wish just so she could pester you for hours after about what you had wished for.

and even when your mum does inevitably tell you off after the streetlights had come on and signalled your time to retreat home, the crumpled flowers you hold tight in your grasp remind you that tomorrow you'll do it all again, and the collection of wilted flowers on your windowsill will surely grow once more.

when she sees you again for the first time in almost 5 years, leah refrains from breaking into the nearest garden to steal you a flower and instead settles for a quick hug that feels more like home than any house she's ever lived in.

now you're a firecracker on a crowded street

couldn't look away even if i wanted

it’s merely a coincidence, you tell yourself, that your trip back home coincides with leah’s 26th birthday.

she invites you to a small get-together she’s having in london, and you try not to think about all the birthday traditions that have been broken in the years apart from your ex-best-friend. gone are the sleepovers you held the night before, gone are the parties your families had in your back-gardens, and gone are the shared slices of your favourite cakes.

get-togethers in hidden bars in london are new to you, but they seem familiar to leah and those she considers most important to her.

meeting up with her teammates and friends is a bittersweet experience, and you try not to think about how the leah they’re celebrating is wildly different to the leah you’re celebrating.

you look at the blonde and see the girl you once considered your better half, your extra limb, and they simply see the woman she is today.

leah’s the same as she always was, you notice from your seat at the bar, as she attracts the attention from the entire room without even trying. she’s still the same leah that was a thousand times more popular than you, and she’s still the same leah that never seemed to notice the hold she had on others.

you watch the way her eyes light up when she’s had a drink, and it takes you back to bonfire night when you were 7. when leah first held a sparkler on your crowded street, and her immediate thought was to try and cast a spell on you, giggling like a madman when you throw yourself to the floor like you had been struck.

you think the sparkle in her eyes is still there, and you pretend not to notice the way it brightens when she catches sight of you watching her. you couldn’t look away even if you wanted, and it takes a tap to your shoulder to snap you out of your leah-induced haze.

“kei!” you throw your arms around the ginger in a warm hug, and she responds back eagerly.

“hi, y/n/n, it’s so good to see you again.” keira smiles, squeezing your shoulders gently.

“it’s been a while.” you agree, letting her take the seat next to you.

you find yourself sticking with keira and other familiar faces, such alex and georgia, for a lot of the night — getting tipsy as you reminisce on shared memories and anecdotes about a certain blonde who was drunkenly serenading the entire bar.

at one point, it’s just you and keira, both equally drunk as you laugh about that time leah fell off a swing and was convinced that a ghost had pushed her.

“she was mad — still is, i think.” keira grins, glancing over to leah as she dances around the room.

“it’s a wonder i survived so long.” you agree, a smile on your flushed cheeks.

“i always thought you were it for each other, you know.” keira muses quietly, glancing between you and leah across the room.

“me too.” you take a large gulp of whatever drink georgia had forced into your hand 5 minutes prior.

“i still do.” you glance up at her in confusion, but keira’s slightly slurred words continue, “i know i’m drunk, and i know you are too, but i really think you shouldn't give up on her. she never gave up on you, not really.” at your silence, keira backtracks slightly, wincing at her own drunken word-vomit. "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have- i know you're happy in spain now, i didn't mean to bring up old-"

"i’m moving back to london soon.”

and with that, you make your way to the bar to order another drink, eyes drifting around the room and automatically landing on the woman of the hour, who takes that as her cue to stumble over for the first time that night.

“dandelion! i didn’t think you were coming!” she shouts over the song that you know was once her favourite, wrapping her arm over your shoulder and squeezing you close in a once-familiar embrace.

“neither did i.” you admit quietly, never one to be able to lie to her.

“i’m glad you did, now we can sing our song!”

“no karaoke-“

“yes karaoke!”

and like no time had passed at all since you were leah and y/n, the blonde leads you to the small stage with a firm hand.

“one song, and then i’m sitting back down.” you say firmly, and leah simply grins, pushing a piece of hair out of your face as gently as she can with her clumsy hands.

“that’s my shy girl.” she coos as she pinches your cheek teasingly, and you simply roll your eyes. "you never were one for the stage, were you, dandelion?"

try to walk away but i come back to the start

led me to the floor even though i'm not a dancer

the night before your year 11 prom was spent in leah's bed — which was practically yours too with how much time you spent there growing up — laying side by side and staring at the ceiling as if the answer to why your cheeks were so warm was written above the bed.

"what if someone asks me to dance?" it's the first question you ask that betrays how nervous you really are for the upcoming event, and leah scoffs in response.

"tell them to shove off because you've already got a dance partner." the answer is so leah that you have to take a moment to roll your eyes, and because she apparently has eyes on the side of her head, she kicks you for it.

"i don't suppose that dance partner is you, is it?" you tease lightly, bumping your shoulder with hers and watching expectantly for her rebuttal.

"who else would it be?" she turns to look at you, blue eyes searching your face for the answer she knows she'll never get.

because the answer is nobody. there's not a single other person on planet earth you would trust to dance with you, and since there aren't any martians visiting any time soon, you'll stick with leah.

and stick with leah you do.

you're attached to her side when your mums take as many pictures as their cameras can physically hold, leah's hand settled on your waist and your head leaned against her shoulder as you stand outside your house. you pretend the blush on your cheeks is from the never-ending compliments from your families and the warm sun, and not the way that your best friend squeezes your hip gently to remind you pay attention to the cameras and not her.

you remain within arm's length of leah the entire night except for the 2 minutes that she disappeared to fetch you a drink that she knew you would need in the warm room, and even then she had tried to take you with her.

your interlocked pinky fingers keep you close as you make your way around the room, mindlessly chatting to your classmates.

you didn’t go near the dance floor, though, no matter how often leah tried to drag to towards it. you had made your opinions on dancing very clear and leah swore if that she heard the words “i’d rather die” come out of your mouth again then she’d kill you herself.

instead, the pair of you mingle with all of your friends and poke fun at the teachers’ outfits as they supervise the room with eagle eyes, though the blonde never lets up in her begging for a dance.

“come on, dandelion, just dance with me? please?” the pout on leah’s face is one you’ve seen many times in your decade of friendship, and not once have you ever had the heart to deny it.

“lee,” you whine, feeling your resolve crumble further when she steps closer. “i’m not a dancer. i don’t dance.”

“i do! i’ll show you how to do it.” she looks down at you with her most pleading expression, “please?”

“i’ll look-“

“you won’t look stupid, and don’t even think about suggesting it again.” she squeezes your pinky gently with her own, and you know you’re gone. “if anyone says anything, i’ll kick ‘em right in the face with these stupid heels — and that’s a promise!” you bite your lip hesitantly with a smile and leah presses further, “come on, y/n/n, please? don’t make me beg in-front of everyone here.”

“…fine. one dance.”

“that’s all i need, my girl.”

with leah’s hand in your own, you don’t feel nearly as nervous as you would’ve normally, and she leads you to the floor where you spend the rest of the night.

you find that you don’t hate dancing so much when leah’s your partner.

ask me all the questions that your parents wouldn't answer

"did you know that olivia in your geography class has two mums?”

it’s a tuesday night and leah’s in your bed. you’re 15 and there’s not much to do on a school night other than talk about whatever comes to mind. leah’s the first, tonight, and you wonder if she’ll finally let slip the reason she’s been deep in thought all day.

“really? she’s never mentioned it before.” you shrug, unsure of where your best friend is going with the conversation. “i guess she wouldn’t have a reason to, would she?”

leah bites her lip, clearly deep in thought. you have half a mind to tell her not to think so hard or her head will hurt, but you refrain.

“hey, what’s up?” you poke her cheek gently, hoping to snap her out of whatever headspace she was in. “you a homophobe or something? because i’ll have you know my cousin’s gay and-“

“i’m not a homophobe, you dick!” leah shoves you with a huff, and you grin at your success. “i’m just curious!”

“bi-curious or just curious?” you tilt your head, knowing it would only annoy her further.

“dandelion, i’m getting annoyed here.” she warns, glaring at you as best as she can with her 16-year-old baby face. “i’m just-“ she sighs, flopping back down on your bed. “do you think it’s…okay?”

“for?” you ask, laying down beside her.

“for two girls to…y’know, have a baby? get married?”

“i don’t see why it wouldn’t be okay?”

“i don’t see why either, but…” leah glares up at the ceiling. “when you think of getting married, what do you think of?”

you blink at the slight change of subject, but conversations with your best friend often go from topic to topic, so you shrug and answer honestly.

“cake- ow, leah! don’t hit me!”

“be serious for once!”

“i’m trying!” you huff, rubbing your shoulder from where she had so kindly elbowed you. “okay, when i think of getting married i think…a white dress, and some nice flowers. i think about songs i’d like to have play too. and cake.”

“what about who you’re marrying?”

“i don’t know, i never think of that.” you shrug, wondering what leah was getting at.

“well isla in our form class is convinced she’s going to marry jack, and she says she imagines it all the time. do you?”

“do i imagine marrying jack? god, no.” you snort at the idea. “he picks his nose still, did you know that?”

“y/n! be serious!” leah groans.

“stop beating around the bush and ask me what you really want to ask, then!” you huff, kicking her shin.

there’s silence for a moment, and you risk a glance towards the blonde.

she’s already looking at you — blue eyes piercing yours. “…do you ever think of marrying a girl?”

you roll over to your side and look back at her, eyes roaming over her freckled face that seemed awfully troubled for a simple tuesday night.

you shrug, “i dreamt i married lucy liu once, but i think that was because i fell asleep watching charlie’s angels.”

“was it…did it feel weird?” she furrows her brows the way she always does, and you reach out and press your thumb between them to remind her to stop.

“no, it was nice until she went all bridezilla on my dad. i can’t remember why, though. think he said her dress was ugly or something.” you remove your hand from leah’s face, but it doesn’t go far because the blonde reaches up and intertwines your pinkies and lays your hands on the pillow between your faces.

“i’d go bridezilla on him too. just for fun, though.” leah nods thoughtfully.

“and that’s why i wouldn’t marry you.” you roll your eyes, squeezing her finger.

“no? not even if i proposed with a million dandelions?” she asks with a smug smile, and you grin as she finally seems to relax.

“hmm…if you did that and got me a pretty ring, i wouldn’t say no.” you nod.

“the haribo ones aren’t good enough for you anymore?” she smiles, her eyes flickering between your own and your lips.

“diamonds are a girl’s best friend, lee. you gotta know that if you’re ever gonna propose to someone.” you poke her nose gently with your spare hand, and she grabs it with a gentle squeeze.

“i’ll keep it in mind.”

how could i deny a diamond in the rough?

it was awfully cliché, and you're aware of that, but leah had insisted that it was a rite of passage to play dancing queen on your 17th birthday, and so you allow the blonde to twirl you to her heart's content as the lyrics blare through your house. she sings along as she always does, never one to shy away from showing her passion for music and love for singing.

your families are scattered around the house and the back garden — leah’s grandmother playing scrabble with your aunt at the kitchen table, jacob kicking a football outside with your cousins, and both your’s and leah’s mums gossiping over a glass of wine while your dads manned the barbecue on the deck. to anyone else, this wouldn’t be considered a very good 17th birthday celebration, but to you it was perfect.

your other friends don’t understand that this is how you’d rather spend your birthday over getting drunk in a field (though, you weren’t opposed to that every now and then), and so it’s only leah who you spend the evening with, singing, dancing, and drinking as much as your families allow.

when it’s time to blow out your candles, it’s leah who stands beside you with a soft smile as your families sing the song you hate so much. it’s leah who presses a kiss to your cheek and tells you to close your eyes and make wish.

‘i wish it could always be like this.’

you open your eyes as watch as the smoke rises to ceiling, blushing as everyone cheers and claps, and giggling when jacob begs for the cake to be cut already.

“what did you wish for?” leah asks quietly, eyes solely on you as you watch your dad carry the cake over to the counter.

“you’ve asked me that almost everyday since we were 6, lee.” you chuckle, leaning into the arm she has around your waist. “and i’ve never once told you.”

“i was hoping today would be different.” she pouts dramatically, “but, alas, my dandelion keeps her secrets.” the hand she places over her heart makes you roll your eyes fondly, and leah simply continues her theatrics for as long as she can before getting distracted with a slice of cake — typical.

you can’t help but feel like today is different, though. maybe it’s just because your head feels a little fuzzy from the beers your dad had allowed you to have, or maybe it’s because leah’s arm had been wrapped around your waist all day and you wonder how you’ll cope if she never does it again. either way, there’s something in the air that evening, and you feel it close in on you when leah shoves a piece of cake in your face, smearing icing across your cheeks with a laugh so loud, you wonder if you’ll go deaf.

you freeze in shock when it happens, and even though you can see everyone in the room cracking up, it’s leah’s laugh that captures your attention, and it’s her smile that you want to shove a piece of cake into.

so you do.

war is declared that night, and despite your mum’s protests about getting food everywhere, you and leah find yourselves in a cake fight that resembles the great snowball war of ‘05.

your cousins and jacob join in, like all children do, and you can hear your dad placing bets on who’ll be the first to tap out, but your attention is solely on your best friend and how stupidly beautiful she looks when she laughs. you don’t know anyone in the world who could pull off a cake-smeared face so well, but leah seems to do it in a way that has your heart beating faster with more than just adrenaline as you run around the kitchen with cake in your fists.

you know you’ll regret this all when you have to clean up later, and you know your hair will never forgive you for the amount of chocolate in it, but in those moments where cake is flying across the kitchen and out the back door, you know you’ll be okay.

eventually, your mum puts a stop to it all and orders your dad to hose you all off in the garden (something he takes sadistic pleasure in as you all scream and run away from the ice-cold water, leah even using your dog as a shield while you used her), and your aunt ends up taking your cousins home before they could catch a cold.

people start to leave slowly, giving you one last birthday wish and a kiss to the head, until finally it’s just you, leah, and your parents.

your mum sends you both upstairs with a reminder not to stay up too late gossiping like always, and you and leah simply share a look before running up the stairs and attempting to push one another down them.

after you take turns showering and changing into some pyjamas, you both settle on your bed with the lord of the rings trilogy lined up for the 4th time that month, just because it was leah’s favourite.

“that’s you.” you point to the screen where gollum currently is, like you always do, and leah smacks a pillow down on your face, like she always does. “that never gets old.” you grin.

“it never gets funny.” the blonde huffs, stealing popcorn out of your hand instead from the bowl like a civilised person. “one day that mouth of yours will get you in trouble, dandelion.”

“is that a threat?”

“it’s a promise.” she nudges your shoulder with her own. “and i’ll have you know i look nothing like gollum; i’m far more beautiful.”

“that’s not a very nice thing to say about your twin, leah.” you shake your head disapprovingly, and leah scoffs.

“that’s it!” and before you can even begin to comprehend what’s happening, leah’s attacking you.

the pillow that was once behind her head is now in her hands as she swings it down on your face, and you barely have time to react before it comes down again. leah’s laugh is loud as you squeal, trying to escape her wrath to no avail.

“i surrender!” you finally shout after far too long, and leah grins triumphantly from her place above you.

your breathing is heavy, and your cheeks are warm, but leah’s eyes are comforting. they don’t hold your gaze like usual, and instead they glance down to your parted lips with an unrecognisable expression.

“you surrender?” she double checks, holding the pillow threateningly.

you nod, trying to catching your breath.

“and you won’t say anything else about my appearance?”

“my lips are sealed.” you nod, watching as leah drops the pillow

“i can’t think of anything clever to say about your mouth,” she says, brushing some of your hair out of your face gently, “i just…”

you hold your breath as leah leans in close, lips brushing against yours, tentatively, for the first time.

you think about the first time leah ever kissed you when you were 6. when you had just learned how to ride your bike and in your excitement to show your best friend, you stopped looking where you were going. you had hit the curb and flown over the handlebars and onto the pavement. it was leah who pulled you up to your feet, and it was her who pressed a magic kiss to your grazed palm to stop your tears.

you remember thinking it was best magic kiss you had ever gotten, because it worked in taking away like the pain like all magic kisses too.

now, though, you know it pales in comparison to this.

you don’t think anything could ever live up to feeling of leah’s soft lips on yours, and her gentle hold on your jaw. nothing will ever compare to the way she slowly pulls away, smiles at you, and then pulls you back in for another.

you led me in your world until you had enough

the day after your kiss with leah, you find that she’s nowhere to be found.

you don’t wake up to leah’s arms wrapped around you like you usually do after a sleepover, and a quick look around your house tells you that leah’s not downstairs critiquing your mum’s pancakes like usual either. your dog sits at the front door whining in the way he only does when he misses your best friend, and you wonder why leah left so early and where she could have possibly gone.

you find that as the day goes on, your worry for leah increases. she hasn't responded to — or even read — the numerous texts you've sent, and even jacob had simply shrugged his shoulders when you asked where she could be.

you're pretty much moments away from reporting her as missing when you hear her familiar laugh in the park near your house. you wonder if you've gone crazy enough to start hearing things, but once glance out your bedroom window confirms that leah is, in fact, at the park. she's kicking a ball around with some girls you recognise as her friends from football, and you wonder why she hasn't invited you like she normally does.

despite every cell and fibre in your body telling you to close your window and pretend you never saw her, you find yourself clipping the lead onto your dog's collar and walking him across the road like you had a reason to be there apart from confronting your stubborn best friend on why she had seemingly disappeared all day.

leah doesn’t notice you — if she does, she ignores you — as you approach, your dog tugging the lead with the insane strength that only appears whenever he sees leah.

“hey, y/n!” one of leah’s friends waves, and that’s when the blonde finally looks your way.

leah reluctantly kicks the ball away, sending her friends chasing after it, and turns to you with an air of coldness that you had never been on the receiving end of before.

“haven’t see you all day,” you remark casually, ignoring the way she rolls her eyes dismissively. “is everything okay?”

“yeah, fine.” leah shrugs, patting your dog’s head lightly as he happily licks her hand.

“oh.” you’re not really sure what to say after that. you watch her for a moment, taking notice of the way she avoids your gaze. “did you want to talk about-“

“look, i’m really sorry but my coach says i don’t need any distractions. can you leave me alone?”

with that, your best friend (?) walks away, leaving you standing there in confusion.

“coach says i don’t need distractions.”

you wonder if leah sees you as a distraction, or simply just the kiss. you hope it’s neither, but the way she seems to avoid you like the plague for weeks after your conversation tells you it’s probably both. she spends all her time with football, and even in school she seems to find a way to distance herself.

and so you see less of your best friend as her passion for football grows, and you feel selfish when you find yourself missing her.

you don’t understand why you can’t just be happy for her, but a part of you deep down knows that it’s because you don’t want her to be happy without you.

she is, though. and that hurts more than anything. leah seems perfectly fine to spend all her time with her football friends, and you find that your late night talks have been replaced with an occasional text asking about homework that never leads to anything more than a 1 minute conversation.

leah doesn’t call anymore, and so you don’t either. she doesn’t knock on your door and beg you to come out, so you take the long way around town to avoid her house.

you still attend her matches — because no matter how upset you are at her, she’s still your best friend and you’d always support her — but she doesn’t run to you at the end of the games anymore, instead she sticks close to her teammates and barely glances in your direction.

drifting away from leah is a slow process, and yet you feel completely blindsided because one minute she was your leah, and the next it felt like you barely knew her at all.

you knew that i wanted you to bend the rules

how did i believe i had a hold on you?

losing leah feels like losing a part of yourself, and you hate that it’s because, technically, you are.

you had always been leah and y/n.

when one of you wasn’t in school, teachers would ask the other where your other half was. when your mum made dinner every evening, there was always enough for another plate because she knew that your best friend would be there whether she was invited or not. when leah’s mum booked that family holiday to spain in 2008, there was an extra ticket with your name on it because she would never dream of separating leah from her y/n. you would never find one without the other, and that’s the way it always had been.

leah and y/n.

you don’t know how to just be y/n.

you find yourself looking to your side to tell her a funny thought that popped in your head, only to be met with nothing because leah’s not around anymore.

your parents don’t understand when you tell them you’ve simply grown apart, and neither do you, because ‘growing apart’ wasn’t in the cards for leah and y/n.

leah and y/n were supposed to stay together until the very end, even when the street lights turned off. leah and y/n were meant to stand by each other’s side, even when you were being lectured for stealing dandelions from mr. miller’s garden. leah and y/n were forever and always, like you had promised when you were 7.

but you’re not 7 anymore, and leah hadn’t given you a dandelion in so long, you wonder if you still know how to make a wish.

you were stupid to think you were ever important to leah. how did you believe you had a hold on her?

you were always stronger than people suspected

underestimated and overprotected

you knew that leah joining the senior squad for arsenal was inevitable — she was an amazing player with passion for the game and a love for arsenal that could rival even the biggest gooners.

it doesn’t surprise you at all to hear through the grapevine about leah’s permanent move to london, but you think that fate isn’t on your side when you find out she lives close to your new london flat that you share with your friends from university.

you’re just grateful that your busy school schedule and leah’s packed football life means no accidental meetings in the big city.

except it does. because of course it does.

you think maybe it's because your body had been accustomed to being near leah your entire life that it seeks her out even when you know it shouldn't. you think that must be why you always seem to bump into her no matter where you go.

it certainly doesn't help that you can't resist attending her matches too. call it routine, or simply call it love, but you don't think there's a single world where you wouldn't support the girl you once considered your best friend. watching leah play football had been a staple in your life for as long as you can remember, and there had been too much change in your life for you to ever consider giving this comfort up.

you pretend you don’t notice the way her eyes always seem to find your figure in the mostly-empty stands, and you always make sure to wear a jacket over your williamson jersey just so she doesn’t know that she’s the only reason you’re still there when everyone else goes home.

after a particularly good match, a few months into the season, leah finally picks up the courage to approach you. it had been months of longing stares from the pitch, showing off whenever she was near your section, and trying to catch your eye at the end of a match, and leah was now finally ready to speak to you.

properly. for the first time since she decided to be a coward almost a year ago and tell you you were a distraction instead of saying the truth.

the truth was that she loved you.

leah had loved you for as long as she could remember, and she was sure that she’d love you for the rest of her life.

the only thing to do now was ensure that you’d actually be in her life, so she could love you up close again.

it’s after a pretty intense match that leah finally had enough to confidence to approach you (after a few words of encouragement from alex, of course). you were sat in the stands, talking animatedly with another girl about the game.

leah swallows the brief feeling of jealousy, and walks towards your seat. you look up almost immediately, like you can sense her, and your expression doesn’t change. you pull your jacket tighter over your body, and leah catches sight of the red jersey beneath.

she hopes it’s her last name across your back.

“big fan?” leah nods towards your jersey as she leans over the barriers slightly, her voice surprisingly not giving away the nerves she was feeling at being face-to-face with you again after so long.

“oh, absolutely,” you agree, your voice dripping with the sarcasm that she knows too well, “i just love vicky losada.”

leah scoffs, “you’re wearing #6, really? let me see.” she gestures for you to take your jacket off, and you shake your head.

“6 my favourite number.” you shrug.

“14 is better.” she taps the #14 on her shorts pointedly.

“ever so humble, williamson.”

“you know me well, dandelion.” the nickname falls from her lips as easily as it used to, as if no time had passed at all since the last time she said it.

like you were still leah and y/n.

she seems to think so too, because leah grabs her own jersey and pulls it over her head. “here,” she says, holding it out to you, “it’s not a #6, but one day it will be. for you.”

you hesitantly take the warm jersey, “i’ll hold you to that.”

“wait, let me sign it.” leah grabs a sharpie that someone had left in the seat beside you and you hold the jersey out for her, trying to keep your eyes solely on her hands and not anywhere else. “there.”

“how much do you think this would go for on ebay?” you ask, folding the jersey and tucking it under your arm.

“not funny.” leah frowns, the familiar crease forming between her eyebrows. “you have to keep that.”

“we’ll see.” you grin, waving goodbye as you step back.

“see you next week.” leah waves, watching you go.

it’s only when you get home do you realise what she’s written on the jersey.

‘call me?’ with her phone number attached.

your roommate wonders what has you smiling so widely for the rest of the evening.

—

things with leah don't go back to how they were — you doubt they ever will — but the new normal, you find, isn't so bad either. it definitely helped that leah had offered a sincere apology for what she had said and how she had been acting with a collection of your favourite snacks, your favourite movie, and a dandelion she had insisted you use to make a wish about her embarassing herself at her next match — which she seemed to think she deserved for how she had treated you.

you don't bother telling her that when you close your eyes and blow on the flower, you only wish for the best for her, like you always have.

you want the best for leah, and a part of you deep down knows that you don’t fit into that idea anymore.

you cherish the time you spend with your once-best friend, and you let her cart you around london with her teammates for months before you break the news that you’re leaving for good.

when i went away it was the only option

couldn't trust myself to proceed with caution

the job offer comes at the perfect time. if you didn’t know better, you’d probably say it was divine intervention or the years of dandelion wishes catching up to you and granting you this once and for all.

either way, you don’t dwell on what causes your boss to offer you a position in spain, you simply give a grateful smile and ask when you can start.

you try not to think about the fact that spain reminds you of leah — of that family holiday you were invited to back when you were 9. you try not to think of the hours you spent playing mermaids in the pool and getting sunburned while eating as much food as your little bodies could handle.

you think you’d be able to find a connection to leah no matter where in the world you are.

every time you walk past a group of children playing football, you’re taken back the hours of running around fields with your blonde best friend as she dribbled past you like you weren’t even there — and then letting you take the ball back moments later because she felt bad.

every time you go grocery shopping, your brain subconsciously reminds you which foods leah does and doesn’t like, as if she’ll be popping around for tea like you live on the same street again and not in a whole different country.

leah didn’t take that easily, either — the fact that you wouldn’t be within in walking distance of her anymore.

you remember the way her eyes shined with tears when you showed her your transfer email. you remember the way she begged you stay, insisting that the better pay and higher position wouldn’t matter if you moved in together. she promised she would take care of bills, and that all you’d have to do is stay.

she didn’t understand that it wasn’t like how it used to be.

leah wasn’t the sun. not anymore. your life had to revolve around something else now.

spain is quite sunny, anyway. you’re sure you’ll find something new.

the most that i could give to you was nothing at all

the best that i could offer was to miss your calls

you settle into your new home quickly, and when you ignore the constant ache in your chest, you find that spain makes you quite happy.

leah calls more than she did when you were in london, and you find yourself purposely ignoring them for the sake of letting her down easily. you lived in spain now, and leah lived in london. it just wouldn’t work.

you wish you were a big enough person to pick up the phone, but you knew that the second you hear her voice again, you’d be back to square one.

the most that you can give is nothing at all.

try to walk away but i come back to the start

and it happens over and over and over and over again

over and over and over and over again

i wish i was over it, over it, over it, over it

even in spain, you think of leah.

you always think of leah.

you watch her games whenever you can — both for england and for arsenal. you buy a williamson #6 jersey when she changes her number and you wear it proudly whenever you sit in front of the tv and watch her play the game you had become so accustomed to.

the signed jersey from all those years ago is the one you wear to sleep. leah’s message has long since faded, and it doesn’t smell like her anymore, but the comfort it brings is the same as it always was.

every birthday, you find yourself staring at the candles wondering what you should wish for. back when you had leah everything, you could always come up with something new to wish for. now, though, you don’t know. there’s only one thing you want, and you can’t have her it. when you close your eyes, the warmth of the candles in front of your face uncomfortably familiar, you only see images of leah. you see her smiling, laughing, and playing.

you wish for her happiness.

you’re not sure what that means for you.

a hidden gem, my own goldmine

you had the wide and wild eyes

leah isn’t just your favourite footballer anymore.

she’s an inspiration to thousands of people, one of the best in her field, and you know deep down that you’ve done the right thing by leaving.

she’s doing everything she ever wanted, what does it matter if she’s not doing it with you?

you’re sure she doesn’t miss you, anyway.

you pretend not to notice when leah views your instagram stories, and you act like it doesn’t make your ache to reach out to her.

but you can’t.

you were a secret to yourself

you couldn't keep from anyone else

now you're the biggest brightest flame

you are a fire that can’t be tamed

you're better than ever, but i knew you when

leah williamson, england captain. but you remember when she was simply leah, the girl with legs too long for her body and a smile too wide for someone in the middle getting told off for tracking mud into her mum's kitchen.

leah williamson, european champion. but you were there when she was just leah williamson, the teenager determined to prove herself and make her family proud.

you held her when she had a bad game, and you cheered on the sidelines when she played her first match as a gunner.

before she was anyone else, she was your best friend.

but...she had always been more than that, hadn't she?

she was always meant for more than you and your garden bouquets and your late night conversations.

she was always going to be more than that little street on milton keynes, and maybe you had always known that you were doomed for heartbreak.

leah williamson had never really been yours.

not even when you were 16, and she told you she liked you the way girls should like boys.

she wasn't yours when she tentatively pressed her lips against yours for the first time on your 17th birthday.

she wasn't even yours when she promised she was.

she had always been her own person, and you were simply the idiot on the sidelines with your arms open for whenever she felt like being someone else’s for a moment.

she had never been yours, but you had known since the day she first presented you with a stolen flower when you were 6 that you were hers.

leah wasn't yours, much like that dandelion wasn't really yours either. because she had ripped it from the ground outside mr. miller's house much like she had done to your heart when she told you that you were a distraction.

you’ve had a long time to get over leah, and an even longer time to find yourself outside of being her best friend. but either you simply don’t want to, or that birthday wish you made when you were turning 17 really did come true, because you find that leah’s the only person you want even after years apart. even after leah had broken your heart and failed to fix it, you still want her to hold you at the end of the night and tell you everything she thinks and feels, and you want nothing more than to listen to her voice and the steady beat of her heart and know that you’re home.

you think that maybe it’s not a bad thing to still want leah. maybe you can start over. you can be leah and y/n again.

it's bittersweet to see you again.

you spend most of your time home falling back into routine with leah, much like the one you had when you were 16.

and while the conversations no longer revolve around who of your classmates fancies who, or how badly you think you did on your recent exam, you feel the same warmth on your cheeks as you did when leah first held your hand so many years before.

your inside jokes still make you laugh harder than any comedy show you've been to, and leah's arm over your shoulder fits better than that tailored coat you got for your 21st birthday.

being back with leah feels right, and that terrifies you.

because it was wrong, wasn't it?

it was wrong to look at leah and see everything you could've had.

but when she catches your eye and glances down to your lips with pink cheeks, you think maybe you'll always be the girls in milton keynes, and maybe the flowers blooming the ground would belong to you once again.

the grin on her lips makes you hot in the face, hot blood in your pulsing veins.

heavy memories weigh on your brain as she presses her lips against yours like they were coming home, and you register her slide something soft into your palm as she kisses you.

reluctantly, you pull away with bated breath and open your hand, peering down curiously at what you now hold.

a dandelion.

“make a wish, y/n.”

you glance up at leah — your leah.

“i don’t think i need to.”

—

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