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renflowerwords · 24 days ago

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Gentle Affection - SDV Harvey x Fem Reader fanfic

In which you are sick, and who better to take care of you than the valley's most friendly doctor, Harvey?

Harvey x Reader (Fem/Farmer) - 4.6k words - no smut, but it gets steamy? MDNI! - Harvey is beefy and I love him.

I wrote this after a large cup of coffee during finals instead of writing my final essays :D enjoy! ( also, I barely proofread this because I cannot read my own work for some reason, but it's still legible lol)

“It's so warm in here,” Harvey says as he walks into your room, surveying the darkness and the amorphous mass in bed, which is you. He kneels and unties his shoes, leaving them by the door before making his way towards your bed.

“I know,” you choke out from your makeshift shelter, wrapped in pounds of blankets and old tissues. You never really knew how to take care of yourself when you got sick. The go-to was always Nyquil, tea, peppermint tissues that left your nose red and sore, and heaps of blankets while you watched some old movie that would materialize into your fever dreams.

“My little farmer really is sick.” His eyes soften as he takes in your appearance.

He places his doctor’s bag down on your floor, farthest away from the heaps of tissues. Your trashcan had been filled since the first night, and honestly, you couldn’t bring yourself to replace it.

“It’s not getting any better,” you say, followed by a weak cough and a sniffle.

“You should have told me sooner, y/n.” Before you can respond, he’s making his way to your bathroom, the yellow light illuminating your bedroom. You close your eyes, the fever-induced headache coming back tenfold by the light. “I didn’t want you to see me like this, Harv.” Another cough, this time partnered with a flying speck of spit. God, you were such a mess.

If he does respond, you don’t hear him. The sound of the tub faucet running fills the room. His shuffling in the bathroom ceases, and he makes his way back to your bed, holding a trash bag and adorning the thin gloves that come in hair dye boxes. You chuckle. “How’d you find those?”

He starts picking up the random tissues and throwing them away while grabbing all the other trash, too. The Nyquil box, tea bags left in your empty mug, and the old Pho you ordered the night before that was half eaten. “I know my way around your bathroom y/n; you always keep leftover supplies.” He chuckles, continuing his search for more tissues under the first layer of blankets.

“Sorry about the mess.” You let out an embarrassed laugh before further looking around at the mess that is your room.

“Do you forget that I am a doctor? It’s my job to take care of the sick. Especially my loved ones.”

You feel like you're dreaming, and with the past few fever dreams you’ve been having, you wouldn’t doubt it. Here in your room was Harvey, your Harvey. You had been “dating” each other for a few months now, but you were still in that stage of wanting to be somewhat perfect to him. Sure, he had seen you passed out in the mines after forgoing your curfew and a few times when you were completely foul after taking care of the animals all day, but that was to be expected. You were a farmer, of course.

But this, for him to see you at your weakest, riddled with fever, was something else. You hadn’t left your room in three days, it and yourself being a sick mess. This wasn’t the result of hard work; it was the result of negligence. And now, despite your best wishes, he gets to see you at your worst.

To make matters even more terrible, you weren’t the only one sick. Plenty of people in the valley were falling ill, people who were more important and more at risk. You were taking Harvey away from them, away from his work. If only you had kept yourself inside for a few more days instead of trudging through the frozen mines, you would have been in tip-top shape and been able to help, instead of be helped.

When your fever wouldn’t let up after a few days, you called Harvey’s office to make a home visit, of course, downplaying your symptoms and telling him to come to see you last after everyone else because “it’s just a little cold.” That was this morning, and now, you had been feeling a hundred times worse. You had tried everything in the book to cure your ailments yourself, but evidently, you needed professional help.

In an effort to pull you from your thoughts, Harvey, mid-tissue search, kneels on the edge of your bed and presses a kiss to your forehead before pulling back and saying, “Hey, come back to me.”

“I’m here,” you breathe out, holding his gaze, his eyes seemingly healing your every ailment already. Suddenly, the warmth in your chest wasn’t just from the blankets trapping your body heat but from his presence. You lay there for a few seconds, staring back into his brown eyes before becoming presently aware of the crust that had been accumulating on your face. “I’ve been here unmoved for 72 two hours, actually.” You break his gaze with a turn of your head to let out a fake cough, anything to ease the tension.

His warm chuckle calls your eyes back to his, but he’s already moving away from the bed, placing the trash bag by your door.

“Never thought you’d be the type to crack jokes while sick, you're usually so serious when it comes to matters of health.” He walks towards the thermostat and inquisitively looks at the settings, knocking it with his knuckles before he turns back to you “Well, this explains the heat.”

A feigned smile spreads across your face “Says you, and I’m trying to sweat it out, doctor.”

Another chuckle erupts from him as he shakes his head, walking towards your bed again. This time, he sits right next to you and places his hand on your forehead. His hand, big and usually very warm, is cold when it touches your skin, and you wince at the contact. “You are very hot, let’s get you into a bath, okay? And then you can rest.”

You blame your fever brain for not noticing his outerwear, a thick wool brown sweater that you gifted him at the start of winter. It was bulky, and the ends were funky and crooked (you were a beginner; it was expected), but it was warm. Of course, he was hot in here.

Harvey sat silently, waiting for your approval, holding your gaze.

That was all it took for him to get his way, not like you could fight him on this anyway. He wasn’t just some cute guy you were seeing at that moment; he was a medical professional.

You nod your head and pull yourself up with your arms, wobbling slightly. “Here.” He says before pulling off your blankets in one swift movement and holding you to his chest to lift you.

You let your arm fall into his chest and then recoil immediately, the itchy wool sweater feeling sharp and abrasive on your feverish skin. Before you can say anything, he lets go of you for a split second and pulls the sweater upward.

“Sorry, it’s just really itchy,” You say as you watch him pull the sweater over his head, his hair slightly frizzled and glasses crooked on his face from the action. Underneath his sweater, he’s wearing a thin white cotton t-shirt with the words ZuZu University in faded brown letters. It’s tight on his arms yet loose everywhere else, and even though he looks a bit frazzled, he is still shockingly handsome. This might also be the side effect of my fever brain, you think as you pull your eyes away from his thick arms and back up to his face. Big mistake.

He runs his hands through his hair and fixes his glasses with a warm flush on his cheeks. “Don’t apologize, you can’t help it.” He says without meeting your eyes and pulling you back into him, lifting your sick body with ease. He’s warm all over, and his chest is solid and soft. You could fall right back asleep in his arms.

The gentle lull of his walk and caress only eases you for a minute before the bright yellow light of the bathroom shines into your eyes. Becoming presently aware of the fact the light is now illuminating every gross aspect of your being, you turn your face into Harvey’s chest. “Are you okay?” He says as he places you on the bathroom counter, placing his hand on your forehead and then on your neck. His touch makes your whole body hotter, and you think you might die from overheating.

“Yeah, I'm just a little gross right now.” You say, head in your hands, as you attempt to rub the crust away from your eyes.

“Well, that’s the best thing about baths” You can hear him swirling his hand through the water, checking the temperature before turning back to you “They help you get clean.”

You laugh again, even though this entire scenario is a mix between your biggest nightmare and greatest fantasy. You’ve got Harvey’s attention all to yourself, but at what cost? Now, you’ve been reduced to a patient instead of a hot, hard-working girlfriend. Right now, you should be setting up a Christmas tree in his office or drinking hot cocoa in the park while stargazing.

Before you can say anything, Harvey makes his way to you and fiddles with the end of your tank top. “Do you want me to stay and help or wait in your room?” For the first time in the evening, you can sense his anxiety. This would be the first time he would see you naked, of course. A part of you dies inside at that fact. It wasn’t supposed to be this way!!

You let your eyes reach his again; he towers over you even with your position on the counter. His nervous face prompts a jolt in your stomach. Sure he’s probably seen plenty of his patients naked, but have any of them been potential girlfriends? You don’t want the answer to that question. Despite wanting to do it yourself, his shifty gaze and fleeting gentle touches at your abdomen under your tank top convince you otherwise.

This isn’t going to be romantic in any way, just a doctor helping a girl in need. You think to reassure yourself.

“I could use a little help.” You breathe out finally, shifting yourself closer to the edge of the counter.

If Harvey is surprised by your answer, he doesn’t show it. He just nods slowly and goes to lift off your tank top. It’s not like you needed help taking your clothes off, but the sentiment was too good to deny.

Although the tank top was quite thin, its removal left you even more cold. You look up and see Harvey's flushed face and his eyes avoidance of your chest as he unties the strings of your sleep pants.

God, he really is heaven-sent.

You pull your arms up to cover your chest as he pulls you off the counter to take off your pants. He kneels down with the action, looking up at you when the pants hit your ankles. Your eyes meet, but you turn away first, suddenly embarrassed by the entire scenario.

He looks at you as if you were an angel, haloed by bathroom light. The warmth in your chest is multiplied, and you think that if you were to die tonight, you’d definitely die happy.

He pulls your ankles up and releases them from your pants. You become acutely aware of his touch, nervous about what comes next. He takes his time folding the pants and tank top, standing up briefly to place them on the counter before kneeling down again, his warm hands on your hips.

Surprisingly, his hands are shaky. You feel your heart jolt and can’t tell if your light-headedness is from standing for so long or Harvey’s intoxicating presence and touch.

His hands remain on your hips for a few seconds before he hooks his thumbs into your underwear and begins to slowly pull them down. You can’t even look at him or his hands, your gaze centered on the ripples being created from the dripping faucet into the tub.

Your underwear is on your knees when you finally pull your eyes back to him, just to catch his. He’s not even looking at what he’s doing, not needing the reassurance of sight to pull off your underwear correctly. Slowly, he continues to pull them down, holding your eyes to his. His body contradicts the boldness of his actions, a bright flush on his cheeks that stretches to his ears and neck.

Okay, I could die from this. You think, offering a small smile to him, hoping it will ease his anxiety. He returns it with a gulp.

The feeling of his fingertips and the cotton on your skin makes you shiver, every sensation intensified by your skin’s heightened sensitivity.

When he finally does look down, it’s to pull your underwear from your ankles and render you completely naked.

He breaks the silence by clearing his throat, taking your hand without looking at you, and guiding you to the tub.

You step in, the lukewarm water sending another shiver through your body. Harvey, thumb tracing your hand, doesn’t let go of you until you are completely submerged up to your chest.

You wish that the water could provide some kind of shield for your naked body, which you and Harvey both presently aware of. But of course, the water doesn’t, and there’s nothing you can do or want to do to change that.

In silence, Harvey grabs your washcloth and wets it in the water before pulling it out, wringing it, and drawing it near your face. In silent response, you close your eyes and allow him to clean away the crust surrounding them.

His touch is gentle and caring, and you feel more confident with your eyes closed. If you can’t see the look in his eyes, then your heart won’t toss, surely?

Surely not. Slowly, he pulls the washcloth down to your neck and then to your chest, and in the darkness, you imagine him taking in your body with his eyes. Another flip of your heart before you open your eyes and see his steady face looking down into the tub at your body.

You clear your throat of its phlegm, despite feeling disgusted at the fact that even have phlegm around him, and his eyes fly quickly back to yours, embarrassed.

“I can uh- I can wash my own body, Harv.” You say, your hand grasping his and the cloth under the water, caressing it softly.

If he kept touching you in this way, even with the separation of the cloth, you fear you might combust into a million little stars.

He clears his throat, and his free hand goes to push his glasses up. “Oh, yeah.” He lets out a nervous chuckle. “Of course you can.”

Despite his agreement, his hand doesn’t leave yours under the water, and he doesn’t make any movement to leave or get up.

You take a deep breath, internally cursing yourself for even stopping him despite the need to be released from his constant touch.

“Do you wanna pass me the soap?” you say, lifting yourself up in the bathtub a little, finally releasing his hand.

“Yeah,” he breathes out, his eyes instinctively going down to your chest, now slightly peaking over the edge of the water, before he swiftly turns his head to grab the soap.

He hands you the bottle and rises, drying his hand on his jeans and then fiddling with the fabric when it’s dry. “I’m, uh, gonna go clean the room a bit more. Don’t over-exert yourself, okay?” He says, looking down at you in the tub, trying his best to maintain eye contact. You nod your head slowly and you work to squeeze soap onto the cloth, pulling it up your neck and beginning to scrub.

He stands there in silence for a few seconds before suddenly remembering that he was supposed to leave and hurriedly shuffles out of the bathroom, leaving the door cracked open behind him.

With his absence, you finally feel at ease. The ease is short-lived as you hear him shuffle around your bedroom, suddenly missing his presence. This stupid fever was making it hard for you to think clearly.

You clean your body slowly, savoring the feeling of water and the scent of soap. It wasn’t long until the lukewarm water turned cold; your feverish body was shivering continuously signifying it was time to wrap it up.

As you wring out the cloth and make your attempt to remove yourself from the water, you hear him approach the bathroom door, knuckles slowly rapping at the door. “Can I come in?”

His politeness awed you. There was truly no more need for niceties after he had just stripped you, and yet he still offered them.

“Yes.” You say.

He enters the bathroom holding a towel and a change of pajamas. You flush with embarrassment at the idea of him going through your drawers, remembering their unorganized state. “Did it take you a while to find something that matches?” You offer the joke in hopes of easing the tension. It works more for you than it does for him. His face is still flushing pink as he takes you in again.

“No, not really.” He says under his breath as he draws near with the towel and opens it. You stand slowly and allow him to wrap it around you, cherishing the warmth it offers.

He put it in the dryer so it would be warm. Your heart swells at the gesture as he ties the towel ends around your chest and takes your hand to stabilize your exit from the tub.

“Do you still feel gross?” he asks, taking it your refreshed face. You shake your head, unraveling the towel to dry your body, making an effort to position your body away from him. It would be wrong to continue this act of indecency when you are actually clean, for his sake.

“In fact, I'm feeling better already.” You turn your head over your shoulder and smile at him before continuing, “You really are the best doctor ever,” in a goofy voice, attempting to mimic Evelyn’s sentiments when she found out that something was going on between you two.

The both of you had agreed to keep your meetings secret because rumors tended to get quite twisted in the valley, but Evelyn caught the two of you together after you had a particularly nasty fall in the mines. You had interrupted her appointment with the giant gash in your leg that needed immediate attention. Harvey hadn’t wasted a single second getting you onto the table to care for you. Maybe it was the panic in his eyes as he took in your dirt and blood-covered state or the way he flinched alongside your flinches, stopping to search your eyes for pain every time with furrowed brows. But, if you had to guess, you were pretty sure it was the way he held you in his arms when he finished, whispering into your hair to be careful and that he doesn’t know what he’d do if you got injured worse than this. Evelyn had peeped her head in at that exact moment, nosily checking in on you as well. Of all the people to know, Evelyn was the least to worry about. At least that’s what you hoped. Nothing has gotten back to you yet, and that was a few weeks ago.

Harvey laughed at your imitation, saying, “I really hope that’s not supposed to be Evelyn,” before grabbing your lotion bottle and pumping some into his hands. You look up from his hands to his eyes in question before he signals you to sit on the counter with a flick of his head.

You, in no position to truly object, obey. You keep the towel wrapped around your shoulders, but it doesn’t quite cover your body entirely. You sigh a bit. At this point, there’s nothing you can do to shield him from your nudity. You didn’t dislike being this way around him; you knew it was normal to him as a doctor, but his constant blushing and averted eyes made you feel nervous. He probably felt fine with nudity from his other patients. What made it so different with you? Uh, maybe because he likes me?

Your internal rumination is cut short when you feel his warm hands and lotion warmed up between them touch your legs. He halts for a second when he senses your leg tense, looking up at you. “Is this okay? I didn’t think you’d want to go to bed without any…” He quiets before quickly adding, “Sorry, I should have asked,” and pulling his hands away.

“No, it’s okay! Please continue.” You blurt out fast and a little bit loud, which makes your brain sob in embarrassment. He smiles and returns his hands back to your legs, rubbing the lavender lotion in slowly. Having his hands back on you feels right. Like there’s some magnetic pull between you.

You sit in silence as he rubs lotion down to your feet, caressing them gently before making his way to your knees and then to your thighs. You feel dizzy at the pressure of his hands, and the idea of where they’ll go next.

As he gets to your thighs, he reaches behind you and pulls you off the counter, landing you on your feet. “I’ll be quick,” he says, and for a second, you think it is because he’s about to rub lotion into your most erogenous zone, but then he adds, “You don’t need to be standing for so long.”

You feel the heat rise up your chest for the millionth time this night as you curse yourself for your thoughts.

Of course, that’s why he’s going to be quick, surely, if you weren’t sick, he would take his ti…

You shake that thought from your head, now wasn’t the time to be thinking like that. He’s just taking care of you.

He takes his hands and pulls your legs apart and it takes everything inside of you to not shrivel up from embarrassment, your brain torn between never allowing itself to be sick again and staying sick forever.

Pumping more lotion into his hands, he makes his way up your thighs slowly. Every brush of his fingers or swipe of his palm sends your heart tumbling and stomach flipping. Despite the intimacy of the act that was making everything hazy, it was the gentle care that he took as well. When he reached your sex, he never once actually touched it in fullness, slowly brushing his fingers around it.

It was actually embarrassing at how wet you got from it, and you prayed that he wouldn’t be able to notice.

Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything; he just continues the process of pumping lotion into his hands, warming it up, and rubbing it into your kiss. You let out a small sign of relief as he finishes rubbing lotion into your behind and slowly rises from his knees to get to your chest.

This time, you look at him instead of all around the bathroom. Surely, him rubbing lotion into your breasts would be less intense. Proving to be repetitive, you are wrong again.

When his hands finally reach your breasts, he pulls his eyes away from them and looks into yours. His circular motions around your nipples send a chill down your spine, one that only intensifies with the look on his face. Plain and simple to the common eye, but you could sense a deviousness lying underneath.

This side of Harvey wasn’t entirely new to you.

You recall your first kiss, down near the dock by the sea. He had held you so gently and pressed his lips slowly into yours before pulling back and searching for approval in your eyes. You, missing the warmth of his mouth, leaned back in and kissed him fuller. You sat there for a while kissing the tender kiss until you pulled back for a breath. The look in his eyes then was something similar to the one now. Enraptured fully in desire and need.

Before you could even fully catch your breath, his warm hand was on your neck, pulling your mouth back to his. His tongue prodded at your mouth, and when you let him in, he whined. Like actually whined into your mouth, drinking the taste of the strawberry wine you had shared with one another earlier intertwined with your spit.

He has the one to pull back the next time, a thin line of saliva drawn between your mouths that, after an inch of separation of your faces, fell onto your chin. His lips, still slick, rushed down to your chin and licked it back up into your mouth, kissing you again, hot and heavy.

“All done,” he says as he takes the lotion and puts it into your cabinet. This snaps you out of your daydream, and you see a small smile on his face.

Okay, we have got to stay focused.

“Thank you, Harvey.” You say as you reach for your fresh clothes and dress yourself.

“Anytime.” He says as he leans towards you and presses a kiss to your temple before leaving the bathroom. Another toss in your stomach.

You finish dressing, staring at yourself ashamedly in the mirror.

It didn’t take you long to finish getting ready for bed, doing your skincare for the first time in what felt like forever, and putting your hair in two braids. Weirdly enough, you had felt strength return to your body, albeit only a little. What you wanted most right now was some food, some tea, and (hopefully) some cuddles.

It was a stupid desire really, Harvey wouldn’t risk himself getting sick and staying the night. Still, you can’t blame yourself for trying.

When you finally emerge from the bathroom you see Harvey sitting on your bed in…his pajamas. A smile stretches across your face as you crawl into your bed, noticing the two cups of tea and thermos on your bedside table.

Harvey lifts the blanket up for you, and you lay your body half on top of his. “Are you feeling better?” he asks as he pulls your leg further around him, and you position your head on his chest. “Mhm.” You respond, taking in his warmth.

He chuckles lowly and reaches over to grab the tea mug and pills from the bedside table, “Here, take these, and then have some soup.”

It isn’t hard to obey his orders. You sip on the tea, sweet with honey, and take the pills without question. “Mmm, perfect,” you say, nose a little stuffy now that you’ve laid down.

“Did you make the soup?” You ask as you finish your tea with one big gulp.

“Yep, it’s got everything my little farmer needs to get strong again.” Your body heats up, and you feel so warm. “Here.” He takes the spoon from the thermos and brings it to your lips. You could object and feed yourself, but there was something in being the object of his gentle affection that you were addicted to. You had never been cared for like this before, and you most definitely were going to get in the way of it.

You eat the soup as quickly as possible, feeling exhaustion flood over your body. Harvey, as if he could sense it, closed up the thermos and laid your head on his shoulder, caressing your head. “get some rest love.” Love, you loved it when he called you that.

It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep, Harvey’s gentle breath lulling you to sleep like a metronome.

#stardew valley #stardew valley harvey #stardew valley fanfic #stardew valley fandom #stardew valley farmer #sdv #stardew #sdv harvey #stardew valley smut #stardew fanfic #sdv fanfic #sdv headcanons

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taey0ngsvape · 2 years ago

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my favorite girls

“and when you come home, i’ll be waiting with open arms”

pairing: chenle x fem!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 4.2k

contains: cursing, kissing, cuddling, lots of caring for daegal, so many ‘i love you’s’

summary: you watch daegal while chenle is on tour

i wrote this after writing saying goodbye to txt before they go on tour because the concept was too good to pass up, though i did get a little carried away (it was not supposed to be this long lol) but i really hope you enjoy!

You couldn’t lie, you were nervous.

Nervous for a number of reasons. Your boyfriend was going away on tour for almost two months, which would be the longest time you’ve ever been apart. It’s also the furthest physical distance you’ve been away from each other. And while he’s away he’s tasked you with taking care of Daegal, who sometimes you swear he loves more than you.

Daegal was a sweetheart but even after the significant amount of time you’ve spent at Chenle’s apartment, she has yet to really warm up to you. And now you're going to be the one taking care of her for two months. So no, it’s not really your fault that you’re nervous.

You show up at Chenle’s apartment an hour before he’s supposed to leave for the airport. Unfortunately for the two of you, your work and all the preparations for his departure prevented you from being able to come any earlier, which meant you hadn’t gotten to sleep next to him the night before he leaves for two months. Still, you put on a brave face. You know how excited he is about going on tour.

He opens the door and lets you into the apartment, his two suitcases already by the door. Daegal trots over to you and you kneel down to let her sniff your hand for a few seconds before she seems satisfied and nuzzles against your hand.

“Hello Darling,” you say softly, feeling her soft fur under your hand.

“Do I get a hello?” Chenle asks, crossing his arms. You playfully roll your eyes and stand up.

“Hello,” you say to him, a cheeky smile on your face.

“Just ‘hello?’”

You roll your eyes again. “Hello baby, honey, light of my life. Is that better?”

“It’s acceptable,” Chenle hums before pulling you into his arms, giving you a quick kiss before folding you into a hug. You smile to yourself, slipping your arms around his waist and holding him close, breathing in the scent of his shampoo and enjoying the warmth of being pressed against his chest.

When he lets you go he leads you to the kitchen where there’s a small breakfast laid out for the two of you. You can’t help but smile and kiss his cheek before taking a seat.

“Are you excited?” you ask, filling your plate.

“Yeah, it’s been so long since our last concert in the US. And after the show here in Seoul… I’m just really excited to get back on stage.”

You smile. You were at the Seoul show, you’d actually gotten tickets with a friend for somewhere in the lower bowl so you could experience what the concert would be like as a fan and the whole time you couldn’t take your eyes off Chenle. He was such a captivating performer and with the rest of the boys they made the show unforgettable. You knew they’d bring the same incredible performance to America.

“I’m sure the fans are just as excited. You’re so captivating on stage.”

Chenle just smiles at you and continues to eat.

“You know,” you say. “Nctzens are great, but at the end of the day I’m your biggest fan. No one is cheering for you harder than me.”

Chenle sets down his fork and looks up at you.

“You are so incredibly talented, but you’re a good person too,” you tell him, taking his hand. “And I am so so lucky to be yours.”

Chenle swallows and then squeezes your hand before he starts to speak.

“You are… you’re everything to me, you know that?” he asks. “You’re so smart and you always know how to make me laugh. You’re unbelievably kind to everyone around you, even when they don’t deserve it. And you’re beautiful. Breathtaking.”

“Please keep going.”

On any other day, Chenle would narrow his eyes at you and tease you about wanting his attention, but today is different. This is his last chance to say all these things to you in person before he’s whisked halfway across the world for two months, so he takes it.

“You’re so special. You’re different from anyone I’ve ever met. You’re so attentive and understanding. You care so deeply that sometimes it hurts you, but that doesn’t stop you from caring anyway. Your heart is the biggest I’ve ever seen and the fact that you gave that heart to me… I feel so lucky every day to be yours. I’m glad you’re happy to be mine too.”

The confession catches you off guard but in the best way and you can’t keep the smile off your face. You want to tease him with something along the lines of you’re so obsessed with me but you hold it back because he’s just poured his heart out to you.

“I love you,” you say, squeezing his hand. “So much. And I’m really going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” he says. “More than I can tell you.”

“But it’s only two months. And it’ll be over before we know it. And the whole time you’re going to have such an amazing experience and I’m so proud of you.”

You’re pretty sure that Chenle is holding back tears now but you don’t acknowledge it. You’re not much better off.

“I love you,” Chenle says softly. “So so so much.”

You blink the tears out of your eyes and get up to walk around the table and sit down in Chenle’s lap. Before he has a chance to protest, you kiss him. You can feel his shoulders relax under your hands and he kisses you tenderly. It’s not rushed or messy, it’s gentle and sweet. It says I love you without words. His lips are soft and warm and you can’t help but selfishly wish that this moment could last forever. But that’s the thing about time, it always keeps moving.

It feels like mere seconds have passed instead of the remaining hour until his departure, which is filled with cleaning the kitchen, last minute packing, and plenty of stolen kisses. But it’s all over far too soon and you’re standing back at his door, bidding him a final farewell.

He pulls you into a hug. “You’re gonna have fun without me,” he says and you can hear the pout in his voice.

You laugh. “You’ll have fun too. And then when you come back we can talk all about it.”

Chenle hugs you closer. “Deal.”

He lingers a bit after that, holding you in his arms and kissing you every so often until finally his phone rings and he’s finally forced to leave.

When the door closes behind him you let the brave face drop, taking a shaky breath.

Everything is going to be alright, you tell yourself soothingly and take a few deep breaths. You’ll be able to call him often and see plenty of videos of him performing. It’s only two months, that’s not so bad. But you can’t deny that you miss him already.

At your feet, Daegal slumps onto the floor and you smile sympathetically, sitting down next to her. “Do you miss your dad?” you ask, scratching her ears. “Me too,” you tell her. For a few minutes you sit in silence, letting a few tears fall, but in the end, you calm yourself down. You know Chenle wouldn’t want you to be upset and there’s no point in wallowing in your longing.

So you push yourself off the floor and search for the pet carrier that Chenle uses whenever he has to take Daegal to the vet. After taking it from the closet (the third closet you searched) you find Daegal curled up on the carpet in the living room.

“You ready for an adventure sweet girl?” you ask, gently lifting her off the floor and leading her into the cage. As soon as the door closes she’s whining and you try to shush her in a way that would be comforting. “You’re alright honey,” you say, but when she’s still whimpering after five minutes you take pity on her and instead clip on a collar and leash before leading her out of the apartment.

She follows you, somewhat reluctantly, to your car and you can’t help but feel the nerves creeping back in. What if you couldn’t make Daegal happy? Yes, she was important to Chenle, but she was important to you too and all you wanted was to make these two months feel less lonely for her.

You put Daegal in the back seat of your car, but by the time you’ve gotten into the car, she’s climbed her way into the passenger seat next to you. She sits down and stares at you, panting slightly. You sigh and let yourself break into a grin.

“Alright passenger princess,” you say, petting her head before turning on the car.

The drive back to the house you’re renting feels longer than usual, probably because of the added stress of having Daegal in the car with you. Every time you slow down or speed up you had to be extra careful so she wouldn’t fall off the seat. But you both make it home in one piece and you let out a sigh of relief once you pull into your driveway.

You carry Daegal inside and hang up the leash by the door, letting her explore the house while you set up food and water for her. At this point it’s almost six a.m and you still haven’t slept so you drag yourself upstairs, forcing yourself to take off your makeup before throwing on one of Chenle’s old t-shirts and heading to bed.

In your room, Daegal is curled up on your blankets toward the end of your mattress. Once you slip under the covers, she gets up and makes her way over to you, curling up next to your side. It surprises you a little, but you smile softly and stroke her soft fur for a good five minutes before finally turning out the light.

You force yourself to get up at noon in an attempt to not fuck your sleep schedule up too badly. After breakfast (the second one today) you change out of your pajamas and clip on Daegal’s collar.

“Let’s go on a walk,” you say as you attach the leash. “I promise I’ll keep it short.”

You know that Daegal doesn’t leave the apartment super often, so she doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to go on walks. You expected her to get tired quickly, but a mile out from your house she’s still happily trotting along the sidewalk, so you let her lead the way, not caring if you’ll have to carry her back.

She actually makes it halfway back home before getting tired and you don’t complain as you pick her up and hold her to your chest so she can rest her head on your shoulder as you carry her the rest of the way home.

This becomes a daily routine. After waking up you’d take Daegal outside, whether it be a walk around the neighborhood or to a nearby park to let her run around, you devoted time every day to take her somewhere and you can see how much more comfortable she is around you as the days pass.

When you come home from work she’ll be waiting by the door and every night she curls up by your side. Whenever you’re at home, she’s always nearby, which is especially nice whenever you’re on FaceTime with Chenle and he asks to see her.

Today, he calls a little later than usual and after asking about your day and telling you about his own he (as always) asks to see Daegal, so you turn your phone so the camera is pointing at the sleeping dog, pressed against your side.

“How are you guys getting along?” Chenle asks. “She seems awfully comfy.”

You smile. “I’ve been taking her outside a lot. She likes going to the park and chasing birds,” you share, which makes Chenle laugh.

“She’s going to love you more than me at this rate.”

You grin. “I think she already does,” you tell him, gently petting Daegal’s head. “How’s tour going?” you ask.

“It’s been amazing so far. A little busy, especially since we have a show tomorrow but being on stage… it makes it all worth it.”

You can’t help but smile. “Good. I’m glad you’re having a good time.”

Chenle hums. “Yeah, well it sounds like you and Daegal have been having a pretty good time without me.”

You laugh. “She really loves me now. I think she was hesitant at first.”

“Well, I’m glad you two are getting along. And I’m happy you’re doing well. I…” he sighs. “I miss you a lot.”

You smile. “I miss you too,” you say. “But hey, we’re almost halfway done already. Then you’ll come home and both Daegal and I will be waiting.”

Chenle smiles at that. “I’ll be counting down the days.”

As the days pass you’re able to stay relatively busy, filling any time that you’re not at work with Daegal or your friends. Once, while at the park you run into your best friend with her own dog next to her.

“Hey Mina!” you greet and then wave to her dog, a spaniel whose exact breed you don’t remember. “Hi Luna.”

Mina gives you a hug and smiles down at Daegal. “Who’s this?” she asks, leaning down to pet her.

“This is Daegal,” you say. “She’s my boyfriend’s dog.”

“Ah yes,” Mina says. “The mysterious boyfriend that you legally can’t tell me anything about.”

You laugh. “That’s the one.”

Mina smiles at you, a twinkle in her eye, because despite your inability to actually talk about your relationship, you still go to Mina whenever you need advice and she always listens.

Luna and Daegal sniff at each other before deeming the other as friendly and you both let them run around in the field as you sit and talk.

“How are things going with mystery boy?” she asks.

“He’s away right now,” you tell her. “A work trip.”

She nods. “For how long?”

“Two months, but it’s already been almost five weeks, so we’ve made it through the first half. He calls almost every day so it hasn’t been so bad without him.”

“Good, I’m glad you’re doing well. And I mean, taking care of his dog… that sounds pretty serious.”

You smile at Daegal who’s currently chasing Luna across the grass. “I was kind of surprised he trusted me to do it. She’s like his baby.”

Mina nods. “I get it. I wouldn’t leave Luna with just anybody. But you seem to be doing a pretty good job.”

You grin. “I’m having a better time than I thought I would. I was just so nervous she didn’t like me, or at least, not enough to keep her from feeling lonely. But she’s been happy and it’s nice having her around.”

Mina smiles at you and leans over to rest her head on your shoulder. “I love seeing you happy, you know that?”

You smile and let your cheek rest against her. “I do know that. I feel the same with you.”

“I’m always here for you,” she says happily. “And if mystery boy ever hurts you I’ll make sure he regrets it, I don’t care who he is.”

You laugh at that.

“But, in my humble opinion, I don’t think he will. He seems like he’s in this for the long run, and if he makes you happy then he has my approval.”

“Your approval?” you tease.

“Of course,” she says. “All boyfriends must be approved by the best friend. It’s just… girl code.”

You grin. “Well then, I’m glad you approve.”

“Do you think I’ll ever get to meet him?” she asks.

You honestly have wondered the same thing. He’s already met your family, though that still required some paperwork and negotiations with SM, but you didn’t see why your best friend should be any different. Ever since you first arrived in Korea, she’d been by your side. She was like a sister to you and you hoped that maybe you could talk to someone at the company and figure out a way to introduce her to Chenle.

“I hope so,” you say. “I really hope so.”

After the day at the park you reach out to a member of SM’s legal team about letting Mina meet Chenle and while the discussion was an ongoing one, it seemed like the odds were in your favor. You told Chenle about it as soon as you could and he assured you he would do everything he could to convince them to let Mina meet him.

“So… is she nice?” Chenle asks, even though you’ve talked about Mina to him countless times.

“Yes? You’ve already heard like… everything about her.”

Chenle sighs. “I know, but I want her to like me. What if she doesn’t think I’m good enough and sends like… the mafia after me or something.”

You laugh. “I don’t think she has any connection with the mafia. Besides, she already gave you her Best Friend Seal of Approval so I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Really?” he asks.

“She sees how happy you make me and that’s all she cares about.”

Chenle smiles. “Well, I’m glad I make you happy.”

“Yeah, though she did also say that if you ever hurt me she’ll make you regret it. She didn’t say how but I don’t think that’s something you want to find out.”

Chenle groans. “Why would you tell me that? Now I’m going to be scared of her.”

You laugh. “Hey, as long as you don’t fuck this up, you don’t have to be.”

“Good,” he says. “Because I’m never going to let you go. I’m never going to hurt you or deliberately make you sad. I’m here to make you happy because you do the same for me.”

You smile. “See? Nothing to worry about.”

“You make my life so much better, you know that?”

You swallow the lump in your throat. “You make mine better too. Brighter.”

“I can’t wait to see you,” he says.

“Four days,” you reply, butterflies in your stomach. Four days until he’s in your arms again.

“I don’t know if I’ll survive.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“Whatever,” he says. “You love me anyway.”

“Yeah yeah, I love you.”

He smiles contently. “Goodnight baby,” he says.

“Aren’t you going to say it back?” you ask and he just gives you a cheeky smile and ends the call. Immediately, you text him.

chenle

ZHONG CHENLE

SAY IT BACK

But I’m the dramatic one?

say it back :(

I love you

Goodnight love

night lele

The final days pass by in a blur and suddenly it’s the night before he’s supposed to be back. You crawl in bed and Daegal huddles up next to you like always. Before you go to sleep, you send Chenle a text. He’ll have already boarded his flight by now, but he’ll receive it once he lands.

lele, my love! i just wanted to tell you how proud i am of you. you did so well this tour and i can tell you gave every single performance all your effort. i admire you so much (i’m sure you know that). i’ve missed you so much. so so so so so much. but i know that in a few hours you’ll be back so i feel okay. before you left you told me i was everything to you, and i wanted to tell you that you’re my everything too. you make me laugh even when it’s hard and you’re a good listener when i need it. you’re hardworking and trustworthy and incredibly loyal. and you’re so loving, even if it’s not in the “traditional” way. you show your love differently, and to me that makes it even more special. it really is a privilege to be loved by you. and i can’t wait to see you. i love you and i’ll (finally!!) see you soon.

You’re pretty tired as you type it all out, unsure if it makes sense or not, but in the end, you press send and plug in your phone before turning out the light. You pet Daegal for a few minutes until your eyes finally close.

“Baby?”

You blink the sleep out of your eyes. Your bedroom is still dark, the only light is from the streetlamp outside but the sky is still pitch black. You sit up and let your eyes adjust. Standing in the doorway is Chenle, his hair sticking up in a few places and his t-shirt wrinkled. When your eyes meet, he breaks into a grin.

“Lele,” you breathe, your eyes welling up with tears as you open your arms. In a second, he’s there, climbing into bed next to you so he can hug you properly. He smells like home and even wearing his clothes isn’t anything like this. His hold is strong and he’s warm and real and you don’t bother to try and stop yourself from crying.

Next to you, Daegal is yapping excitedly, clambering onto Chenle’s lap and he laughs, the sound sending you into another round of sobs because it’s different hearing it in person.

“Hello,” he says to Daegal, scratching her ears. “I hope you didn’t miss me too much.”

He turns his attention back to you and cups your face in his hands, brushing away your tears. “Alright crybaby, it’s okay.” You can’t help but smile at that because he’s right, everything is okay. He’s here, he’s home with you again. So yeah, you’re more than okay.

“I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow?” you ask.

“We managed to catch an earlier flight. And I got your text and I just had to see you but you weren’t at the apartment so I came here. Sorry for barging in,” he says sheepishly. “I didn’t realize you’d be sleeping.”

You smile and shake your head. “I’m glad you came.”

“Me too,” he says, leaning in to kiss you and you smile against his lips.

The two of you end up going back to bed for a few more hours before you wake up at nine and drag him out of bed with you to make him breakfast.

“I’ll probably have to take Daegal out after this, we usually go for a walk every morning,” you say, flipping a pancake on the stove. “You know, maybe tomorrow morning we can get up early and take Daegal to the park. That way there won’t be a ton of people and we can just go on a walk together. I even taught her to play fetch but it only works with tennis balls. I tried throwing her a stick the other day and she just kinda looked at me like, ‘what the fuck was that?’ But I figure if we go early enough we can spend an hour or so there and we won’t have to worry so much about someone recognizing you,” you ramble. When you receive no response, you turn to look at Chenle, wondering if maybe he’s fallen asleep at the table.

Instead, you find him staring at you, an unreadable expression on his face. “What?” you ask, slightly nervous. Had you said something wrong? Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to suggest going out together.

“I’m going to marry you someday,” he says, which was not at all what you were expecting to hear.

“What?” you repeat, still shocked.

“You already know that you’re the love of my life. Plus you take care of me, like forcing me to get up so I can eat something. And you’re a great cook. And you love Daegal like she’s yours, taking her on walks and going to the park. Even I haven’t done some of those things. So, naturally, I want to marry you.”

“Alright lover boy, let’s slow down a bit there,” you say with a smile, pretending that your heart isn’t about to beat out of your chest.

“Is that a no?” he asks.

“It’s a… ask me again later. And by later I mean in a year at least.”

Chenle shrugs. “Fine by me,” he says. “I’ll put it in my calendar.”

You roll your eyes and return to your cooking, transferring the finished pancake onto a plate before taking the bacon out of the pan and letting it cool on a tray. You break of a tiny piece and lean down to hold it out to Daegal, who happily accepts.

When you look back at the table Chenle is lounging in the chair with a smile on his face.

“What?” you ask.

“I’m just happy,” he says. “I’m here with my two favorite girls. I feel like I’m in heaven.”

You smile. “I’m happy too. I’m really glad you’re here. Home.”

His smile widens. “Home.”

#nct dream fluff #nct dream imagines #nct fluff #nct dream scenarios #chenle imagines #chenle fluff #chenle scenarios #clare’s fics🌸

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vaguely-concerned · 1 year ago

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BEHOLD! The list of evidence for my bold claim that Pan and Freddie dislike each other ferociously on sight because they are, in some key ways and despite appearances, very similar people:

- First instinct upon seeing Grace sad is to try to make her laugh to cheer her up. (See: Freddie’s very first lines in the game starting off as she means to go on, and about half the things Pan ever says or does lol. In the last scene with him before The Trial you can even tell him you’re there just because you wanted to talk to him and have something cheer you up.) General sources of levity and fun and play in Grace’s life if you seek them out.

- They react with similar anxiety to the idea of Grace being really angry with them (Freddie’s surprised/dismayed “Why are you angry at me?!” in the red route of ‘I Can Teach You’, the millenia-old god of the wild hiding behind a tree for ten minutes because he thinks Grace might be about to yell at him lmao <3)

- Both of them seem to have similar interpersonal insecurities in general, judging by the enforced choice between them in ‘I Can Teach You’ (I love you both so much but oh my god. is this a constructive use of time or energy under the circumstances lol), softened and alleviated by the fact that at the end of the day the most important thing to either of them is that Grace is happy. It isn’t possessiveness, but there is an element of underlying ‘Hey. Hey I am your favorite right?? 🥺’ insecurity there that trips them both up to begin with. Once you play the game and go back to look at this scene again knowing everyone’s real motivations, they’re even coming from the same place deep down — genuine fear for Grace’s safety and wanting to help her. (Freddie uncomplicatedly out of love🥹, and Pan at that stage probably more out of a guilty sense of responsibility, though he does seem to take a shine to Grace herself pretty quickly as well. Also he demonstrably isn’t, uh. Completely wrong in saying Freddie’s involvement in this whole mess is likely to end in tears, even if he is being a real dick about it)

- If you don’t choose either in ‘I Can Teach You’, they both show up within minutes of each other to watch Grace’s back in the Medusa quest anyway. One brain cell ping pong and no one notices because they keep trying to swat each other with the racquets whenever Grace glances away for a second

Sidenote but flirting with both of them one after the other in that quest is fucking hilarious, they’re just taking turns ‘Really? Right in front of my salad?’-ing directly at the camera (...listen I feel that there is a chance that as long as they kept Grace between them the whole time there could be a thing here. I think a possible universe out there where it happens at least once does exist if one cared to go seek it out. That’s all I’m saying.)

- Seems a bit obvious but what else am I here for: both very drawn to Grace no matter what main trait you choose. Whether this is true vice versa is of course player-dependent, but it is one way you can play the game.

- Incredibly similar defensive reactions to being picked on or sniped at (and no hesitation whatsoever in subjecting each other to exactly that immediately anyway haha)

- A bit dark when you think about it, but they both express the sentiment that it would be better for them to step in and die if it means Grace lives. (Freddie very directly of course ;______; and then in ‘It’s time’, Pan in ‘The Trial’ and the little talk you have with him later in Athena’s office.)

Matching ‘ride or die’ instincts once awoken, is what I’m getting at. Freddie gets extra points for sheer longevity and constancy, Pan gets extra points for getting there in a week. You’re both unhinged (affectionate)

- They’re the only ones among the main cast wearing green, right? I think I’ve got that right? Well, Charon does too, I suppose, but he’s a bit more peripheral. (Persephone and Aphrodite wear blue-green, but that seems more associated with death and the underworld and the river of grief everyone keeps using as a metaphor throughout the game.) Somehow I find the idea/metaphor that once you get Pan out from under like three layers of bullshit he’s the same colour as Freddie (who is inarguably The symbol of devotion and steadfastness in this game no matter your choices) quite sweet.

- Nerds. You know I am right. Slightly different kinds of nerd (Freddie is distinctly geek-flavoured and Pan collects rare books for sport sort of distinction), but still. Oh my god. Freddie should get the whole cast together to play D&D in the Reliquary post-game. It would be absolute carnage. It would be glorious hilarity. *GASP* no wait not the Reliquary, let’s go to the Underworld so Charon gets to play too. For the love of all that is good give this to me now please I need it

- The only two people who think Freddie losing control of her powers and causing a dance number at a funeral is hilarious

In short this is a recognition of the self through the other (derogatory) situation for both of them and neither of them decides to take that with any dignity or grace (ahaha) in the slightest, I love them very much, thank you and goodnight

#stray gods #stray gods freddie #stray gods pan #grace x freddie #grace x pan #grace x freddie x pan #stray gods meta #if you could grace this thing with that word it's mostly for book keeping reasons for myself haha

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butyou-callmewhenyourebored · 2 years ago

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When We Are Together - Matty Healy

Summary: In which Matty falls in love with you in stages his entire life. He knows everything is better when you're together but the two of you are oblivious to the fact you're in love with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. A small section of smut in flashback 2. Unfortunately it's not with Matty. It's with George because I am a whore. Mentions of The S*n. Mentions of Matty going to rehab, obviously we don't know all the personal details apart from the fact there was an intervention after the ilwys era ended and he went and now he's in recovery.

Author's Note: Self proclaimed 'Not a Matty girl' just wrote 12K lol this has legit taken so long cause I procrastinate but hope you like it! Really fucking long because I tend to let my mind wonder, I don't even know if this is any good but I'm trying to get better. I thought the concept was cute anyway. So enjoy! Let me know what you guys think and if you liked it x

Word Count: 12K

Your life had always been surrounded by the boys. So many moments in your life that their fans could only ever dream of knowing about or being involved in but you didn’t know any different, it was just your life. You had no choice in the matter when your brother and best friend in the entire world was the bassist in the band. That’s right; Ross MacDonald was your big brother and you seemed to be somewhat of a legend amongst their hardcore fanbase yourself for putting up with their antics for as long as you had! Not that you really had a choice when you were tied to them via blood but they had also hired you as their personal assistant so you could follow them around the world and so none of them had to part from you for too long.

You had personal relationships with all of the band, not just your brother who genuinely was the best big brother you could have ever asked for. He was your best friend and had been since the moment you were born. Sometimes it irritated the others how annoying the two of you were when you both got into silly moods, with all your inside jokes and side looks that nobody else understood. Especially Matty who always wanted in on the joke. But Ross was a ride or die kind of guy and you were the same. If it came down to it you would fight over who took the first bullet.

Adam Hann. Adam truly was an angel of man sent to earth to be your bestie and you don’t think you could love him anymore if you could. Someone you could geek out about The Office with on the tour bus and who brought you coffee when he could see you needed a pick me up. The most level headed of the boys, you know he’ll always be on your side. Someone who’s come to your rescue during many nights out both pre and post fame and took your hand, pretended to be your boyfriend with no questions asked and got you away from creeps more times than you would have liked. You couldn’t be more grateful for a selfless friend like Adam Hann.

George Daniel. Your ‘little’ Georgie had been in your form at school, so apart from your brother until you were much older and started hanging out with them more, you had spent the most time with him. So it’s fair to say that the pair of you were close. So close that you lived with him and Matty in your early twenties. Even a small indiscretion on his 23rd birthday much to your brother’s dismay didn’t change the course of your relationship. Now that you were both thirty two and you were still working for him, clearly the two of you didn’t care that you had seen each other naked. If anything your night together all those many moons ago had brought you closer together. You would trust him with your life.

Then there was Matty. Matty was something else. If you asked his fans, depending on if you were asking old or new fans. He was something else in two senses of the word. To you he was just Matthew. Your big brother’s best friend who was a bit of a weird kid, transitioned into a somewhat cool teenager who you had a bit of a crush on when you were seventeen, to the most annoying person you’ve ever laid eyes on. But also he was your best friend. An old married couple is what George labeled you both and he wasn’t wrong, the pair of you did have a bit of a domestic life together when he wasn’t busy being a rockstar.

I think the fans would be shocked to find out he likes doing the mundane things in life like doing the food shop with you and fighting at the tills that it was his turn to scan his club card. Or walking the dog, drinking a good cup of tea at his Mam’s house or cooking with you over a glass of wine with Donny Hathaway playing in the background on the record player.

He had done so much for you over the years and you always thought it was just Matty being Matty and looking out for you. Hiring you as the band’s assistant, so you could see the world with them so you weren’t stuck in a stuffy office job in England. Even though you had graduated from uni with a first class degree in photography. Moving you into his home when you broke up with your long term boyfriend in 2020 so you weren’t wallowing in self pity. It was probably then, that George cemented your “marriage status” because you did do everything together and apparently you had been oblivious your entire friendship until now.

It was in this moment in Belfast on the last night of the UK tour that your head swimming with all of the moments in your life that led you to here with Matty, tears brimmed with tears. That you realised that it was him the entire time.

April 2007

You pulled the front of the white tank top you were wearing down, allowing the frilly cups of your red bra to peek out the top. Your top tucked into a short black mini skirt, paired with a big chunky belt and hoop earrings and some wedged sandals on your feet. You actually felt good about yourself for once! You, Sarah and Rebecca ready to get drunk and dance your asses off with all of your friends as you celebrated Matty’s birthday.

Matty’s 18th birthday party was being held at his house. A classic Healy house party yet you still wondered how Denise and Tim were somehow trusting him enough for the night to not burn the house down so he could celebrate his birthday with his friends without parental supervision.

You of course had yet to turn eighteen, as had your brother who was only eleven months older than you. So you turned to your lord and saviour Adam Hann who went to the local off license and bought you a pack of Bacardi Breezers for the party.

When the three of you arrived; you immediately got swept away by your other school friends, giggling at the thought of getting drunk with all your friends and making out with boys your brother would definitely disapprove of was the motivation you needed to open your first drink of the evening.

It was after a few drinks, definitely too many shots of whatever George had proclaimed Matty’s Dad’s had left for the birthday boy. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol you had drunk that evening when you spotted Max. Tall, brunette, curly hair and a killer watt smile that made you weak at the knees, talking to George.

Silent motivation from Phoebe as she ruffled her hands through your hair and pushing your tits into a good position as Sarah dabbed on some more lip gloss before pushing you in the direction of the boys, slapping your ass with a quick “Go get him tiger!”

Shooting her a grin over your shoulder, you strutted on over to where George and Max stood clutching their beer bottles as they conversed about god knows what. Hoping to catch his attention, you threw on your best smile as you stopped in front of the two of them.

“Hello boys!” You beamed a the two of them, eyes lingering on Max a little longer. “Having a good night?” You asked, twiddling the straw around your drink as you waited for their answer.

“Even better now you’re here gorgeous!”

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Max was flirting back.

“Your tits are looking mega tonight babe!”

George broke your eye contact with the tall brunette as your eyes flitted towards him. The blush flushing across your cheeks at George’s compliment, “Ohhh thanks G!” You laughed awkwardly, catching his eyes fall to your tits once more just as Ross walked past the three of you.

“Dude! That’s my sister!” He punched him in the arm; a scowl on his face and immediately pulling you away with him and far away from the boys and into the crowd of people dancing in Denise and Tim’s living room.

“You’re no fun!” You huffed.

“You can do a lot better than Max sis. Believe me! I’m just looking out for you.”

He smiled softly at you and you sighed, knowing you couldn’t ever stay mad at him. He knew you better than anyone else and always looked out for you no matter what. “Thanks bro. I know. I’m just going to get some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here.”

You sent him a smile, squeezing past him and all the other sweaty bodies to head out the sliding doors at the back of Matty’s kitchen. Letting out the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding as the cool spring air brushed over your skin. Taking in the serenity of the night air, you didn’t realise anyone else was out there until you heard a cough causing you to snap your head towards the noise.

Matty was leaning up against the back wall, cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Alright birthday boy! What you doing out here by yourself?” You laughed lightly as you approached; leaning next to him as you took in the slightly solemn look on his face.

“Bit overwhelming in there. Thought I’d like the attention but there’s too many people. Half of them are just here to get drunk, they don’t care about me.” He laughed bitterly; blowing smoke into the air. “Anyway. What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed some air. It was a bit stuffy in there. Too many people.”

“Ahhh so we’re alike in our thinking.” Matty laughed. “Wish it was just you and the boys to be honest.” He mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“Hey. You know if you want we can have a do over. Come over to mine and Ross’ tomorrow. We’ll order pizza and watch True Romance. I’d hate for you to not look back fondly at your 18th.” You smiled softly as you spoke.

“You’re brilliant.” Matty’s eyes bright as he looked at you. “I’d really like that. Thanks sweetheart.” Matty shot you a genuine smile for the first time since you stepped outside.

A brief moment of silence settled across the two of you before Matty spoke again.

“You look incredible tonight.”

“Ohhh.” You looked down at your feet, unsure of how to take the compliment.

“Hey.” Matty lifted your chin up. “What’s all that about? You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.” He said earnestly; swiping at the apples of your cheeks and holding your jaw in his hands.

“Just didn’t think anyone could look past the fact I’m Ross’ sister. Nobody ever calls me beautiful.”

“Not even Josh? Didn’t you date him for nearly a year?” Matty asked as you shook your head.

“Then he’s an idiot. You’re always the most beautiful girl in the room darling.”

“Matty.”

It came out a whisper as you both stared into each other’s brown eyes. Matty’s eyes dancing across your features, settling on your lips before looking back up and catching your gaze already on him. Matty leaned in, his face getting closer to your own as your mind started racing.

Did you want to kiss Matty? Kinda, yeah!

Should you kiss Matty? No, definitely not. Ross would kill the both of you.

Did you kiss Matty? Yes.

“We shouldn’t.” You whispered, lips mere inches away from his own.

“But a birthday kiss is all I want this year.”

His words came out of a whisper, you didn’t say anything else just pushed your lips against his and allowed him to pull you closer as his mouth moved against the softness of your glossed lips. His hands moving from your face, dancing down the sides of your body and landing on your waist before he reluctantly pulled away, forehead resting against your own.

“You’re good at that.” He pecked your lips once more.

“Mmmm.” You hummed; opening your eyes as Matty held you close. You quickly opened your mouth to say something and promptly shut it again when you caught the way Matty looked at you. “Fuck it!” You mumbled and slammed your lips back against his own.

The birthday boy now pushing you up against the wall, hands impossibly tight on your waist as he pulled you as physically close as possible. Your hands uprooting themselves in the hair at the back of his neck and tugging as you snogged him like your life depended on it. Like you weren’t pushed against the back of his kitchen wall in his garden, where any of your school friends could come out and catch you. Or worse; your brother but you didn’t care because the way Matty was kissing you made your whole body tingle.

Tugging his hair again as his tongue moved against your own. Matty groaned loudly; finally pulling away. “Fuck settle down! You know I can’t be found with you and if you keep doing that, someone is going hear us.” He groaned as he continued to pepper kisses up the side of your jaw.

“Hmmm, don’t feel like being murdered by my brother right now.” You sighed; leaning back against the wall to take him in. Lips swollen and eyes bright as he watched you.

“I don’t want to be murdered by your brother either. Worst birthday ever!” He chuckled; hands dancing across your waist. “But that was my favourite birthday gift! Thanks sweetheart!” Matty grinned; watching you push yourself off the wall and smooth yourself down before heading back towards the house.

You paused for a moment; your foot on the last step, your hand lingering on the handle to the back door for a millisecond as you looked over your shoulder one last time at Matty who was just watching you. You sent him a soft smile, your hair falling in front of your face as you laughed before leaving him the dark as you rejoined the party.

A kiss with Matty who was your big brother’s (and your) annoying friend, someone you had an innocent schoolgirl crush on once he started becoming a tiny bit cool as the lead singer in their band. Something you didn’t think was an overly big deal, after all people kiss people they shouldn’t when they’re drunk all the time. Turns out it was the starting point of the trajectory of how your’s and Matty’s story begun.

March 2013

In the midst of releasing a series of EPs and gigging around the country and building up their hardcore fanbase. You had managed to get the boys all to just relax for a moment and celebrate the release of their Music for Cars EP and the fact that it was George’s 23rd birthday this weekend. And how did you celebrate? The only way you lot knew how, a dirty ole’ house party just like the good old days.

You had managed to squeeze God knows how many people in little flat you shared with George and Matty. As far as flatmate’s go, they weren’t all that bad. You had moved in with them straight after university so you had definitely had worse.

You had just downed what you believe was your fifth vodka shot of the evening and decided you needed to pace yourself a bit more if you weren’t going to stumble into your room and pass out any time soon. So upon spotting Ross, you wondered over to your brother who was sat talking to Hann; wiggling your way in between the two of them with a giggle. Ross automatically lifting his arm for you to slip under as you nursed the rest of your wine at a slower pace until your glass was empty.

After your head stopped spinning a sufficient amount, you found yourself milling about the flat and smuggling yourself into Matty’s embrace as he poured you another glass.

“Enjoying yourself sweetheart?”

“Mmm. Have you see the birthday boy?” You felt Matty’s lips pressed to the top of your head as you asked.

“You leaving me already?” He chuckled. “Think he popped out the back for a cig.”

He motioned towards the back door. You immediately unravelled yourself from him, a kiss smacked against his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth. Not that you noticed in your flurry but Matty did. The longing for the feeling of the two of you had shared in his back garden prickling at his chest as his eyes locked onto your retreating figure as you rushed through the throng of remaining people in the kitchen and exiting the flat.

Matty was right. You found George smoking out the back in your little tiny back garden under the dying glimmer of your shit security light that was attached to your back wall. Turning in your direction at the sound of the back door shutting, George automatically opened his arms for you to slot into his side, arm hung loosely over your shoulder as he let out the smoke he had just inhaled. Wordlessly placing the cig in your mouth to let you take a drag yourself, you passed it back and forth between the two of you in silence.

Stubbing the end into the brick, George dropped it into the bucket of dirty filters before breaking the silence. “God what time is it?” He asked as you watched him push the balls of his hand into his eyes.

“Nearly 2am! Why you need to go to bed Grandad?!”

“Fucking maybe?! How many people are left?” The now blonde motioned towards the house.

“Only a few. Heard Sally talk about some of them heading into town on the way out and Luke and Helen have to be up early so they left nearly a hour ago. Just the band and about three other now. You ready to head in birthday boy?” You asked; holding out your hand for him to take with a smirk.

With a silent nod George didn’t hesitate to grab onto your hand as you tried not to trip over the many plant pots that were littered across your garden path. “You given me my birthday present yet? I can’t remember?” You turned to look at the drummer. An amused look on your face because he had given you the brightest smile when he had opened the personalised drumsticks you had gotten him earlier. “Or are you my present? Wait is this an ambush?” George gasped. “Please be an ambush!” He grinned at you.

“You should be so lucky!” You scoffed; before shooting him a smirk as you opened the the kitchen door.

“Your tits look mega in that dress by the way!” His tone smug as he closed the kitchen door behind him. Your only response being the cackle that left your mouth as you left George to watch you walk away as you joined the rest of the band in the living room.

Lucky indeed because once the remaining guests left about twenty minutes later. You had snuck into George’s room to say good night and wish him a happy birthday and it’s how you found yourself currently with aching arms. As they were locked either side of George’s knees, his hands tight on your waist as you bounced on his cock.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in this position. You do know he had already made you cum twice though. Once on his tongue and once with his fingers but my God were you spiralling towards your third. The thick drag of his cock between your legs as he stretched you out was delicious but you needed to cum quick because you weren’t sure how long you could stay in this position for.

“Jesus Christ! So fucking good George!” You wailed; as George’s thumb swiped through the slick between your legs and rubbing at your clit.

“Feel good baby?”

“Yes. Shit! So good!” You panted. “Arms hurt though, fuck.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He said; pulling you forward.

You fell forward at full speed; having to catch yourself on either side of his face to stop yourself from head butting him as his large hands moved from your hips to grab on to the globes of your ass before plowing up into your cunt so fast you saw stars dance under your eyelids. All you could do was shake and babble out a string of, “So good. So good. So good.” As George made you cum again.

Pulling out quickly. You had no time to recover as George flipped you over; face already in his pillows as he pushed back into you as he chased his own orgasm. The drag of his cock made you feel delirious at the speed in which he was fucking you back into the mattress.

“Fucking hell. You’re so good G! Yes! Yes! Yes!” You screamed into the mattress, really not caring that your mutual best friend was on the other side of the wall.

His name fell from your lips like a chant. You hadn’t been fucked this good in forever, if at all and the fact it was your Georgie made your head spin.

“Come on baby. One more and I’ll give it to you.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder before pulling you back on to his cock at rapid speed and sending you hurtling towards your fourth orgasm of the night (well morning) and George to fill you up with a satisfied groan.

Pulling out; your gentle giant rolled over, the pair of you catching your breath after fucking for a good hour. Rolling your head to the side to take him in, you pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder with a chuckle. “Happy Birthday G!”

The now blonde let out a loud laugh as the pair of you snuggled into each other’s arms, like you would normally do under any other circumstances as George pressed a kiss to the side of your face. The temporary bliss shielding you both from the circumstances you’d have to face in the morning.

When you did manage to wake up the next morning, George was still fast asleep but his alarm clock read 10:12 and you knew you’d have to get up to tidy the flat because Matty certainly wouldn’t. As you looked around George’s room, you scrambled to find anything to hide your dignity as you moved around to clean up. As you pulled the shirt George was wearing the night before over your bare body, you didn’t have chance to register the other voices on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Where is she? She’s not answering her phone? She’s not in her room either.”

Matty didn’t answer Ross’s question, just grumbled into his arms before flinging himself down onto the dining room table dramatically.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like shit Healy!” Hann shoved his shoulder with a laugh as he threw himself on the sofa.

“Well you’d look like shit if you didn’t get any sleep cause you could hear George fucking at all hours of the night too.” Matty snapped at the two of them.

“Who was he shagging? I thought he wasn’t seeing that blonde anymore?”

Unfortunately for you, this was when you decided to make your grand appearance. Walking out of George’s room in nothing but his shirt and your knickers from the night before. The three of them silent as they took in your appearance.

Adam’s jaw slack as he looked on in shock as everything clicked into place before his very eyes.

Matty looked pained as he ran a hand through his curls before pushing himself up off the dining room table and shuffling into the kitchen, silently flicking the kettle on.

Ross looked angry. You could see it simmering in his eyes. The vein on his neck pulsing as he starred you down.

“I’ve been trying to ring you. Why were you in George’s room? ”

“I’ve been asleep. I’m here now aren’t I? Everything alright?” You brushed past him, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. You hated when Ross was angry.

“Why do you have George’s shirt on?”

The two of you competed in a stare off. The both of you silent. Neither of you making the next move. If there was one thing you MacDonald siblings were, it was stubborn. Adam was watching on in anticipation. The only noise to be heard was Matty shuffling around the kitchen in the background. Your brother asked you again. Why was he asking you questions he didn’t want to know the answers to.

“Don’t make me say it bro.” You sighed; annoyance flashing across his features.

“You slept with my best friend?” Ross immediately started raising his voice. He already knew the answer, he didn’t need your confirmation. Not that he waited for it because he was already storming towards George’s room and right on queue, the door swung open to George just in his boxers.

“Ross. Stop!” Your voice loud and going ignored.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!”

Ross was seething. Hann was immediately by your side ready to intervene. Matty still off and away from the drama (which was very unlike him) that was about to unfold. He was unlawfully quiet but you couldn’t think about that when Ross was squaring off with George in the doorway to your rooms. The shouting sounded like you were under water as you zoned it out. This was a disaster. It was only when Hann touching your arm, whispering if they should intervene or not that brought you back to reality and had you storming right in between the two giants.

Pushing your way in between them. You stood with your back against George’s chest, a hand on your brothers and looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Ross. Please. Fighting George isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You slept. With my sister. What about fucking bro code?! Not cool dude!”

“It was me.” You shouted over the top of his booming voice, all four of them turning to look at you as you very rarely raised your voice. “It was me. I initiated it. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, shout at me because it’s my fault.”

“Babe you don’t have to defend me.” George touched your shoulder gently. “I know, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t touch her!” Ross zoned in on George’s hands upon your shoulders. He quickly lifted them up in surrender.

“George, we’re both consenting adults.” You addressed him before turning back to your brother. “I’m sorry but if you’re going to sulk about it, blame me because I started it. Ross you know I love you more than anything in this world but you can’t hate everyone that goes near me.” You reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. “It was literally a one night stand. Promise it won’t happen again.”

Ross tried to pull his hand out of yours at your words, the vein in his neck twitching at the fucked up thought of his little sister casually sleeping around. “I’m not fucking happy about it. Fucking bro code dude.” He threw his hands up dramatically before turning towards the door. “I’m going for some fresh air.”

Ross quickly yanked open the front door, Hann hot on his tail, muttering something about checking on him which left you with Matty and George. The three of you standing in silence for a moment before George popped a kiss on top of your head and mumbling about a cig and heading out the back.

Matty disappeared again into the kitchen as you plonked yourself down at the dining room table with a groan. The ticking of the clock the only thing to be heard as the two of you were now the only ones left in your tiny flat. Sitting down next to you, Matty didn’t say anything. Just pushed a mug of coffee towards you and sipping his own.

“You don’t hate me do you? You haven’t said anything all morning.”

Matty took a sip of his coffee, a look of contemplation on his face as his eyes flitted towards you. The silence deafening and the thought of him being upset with you made your heart ache.

“You never offered me that on my birthday.”

You blinked rapidly as you stared at him. That was it. That’s what he chose to say.

Matty tried to say it with a joking lilt to his words. A smirk hiding behind his mug of coffee as you took in his words. But he knew deep down that there was a seriousness to it. It was true, you’ve never done anything with him other than when you kissed at his 18th, on his birthday or otherwise. Apart from one drunken weekend about two weeks later. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his heart pang. But it did. You opened your mouth to respond, quickly shutting it again as a flush rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the night in his garden five birthdays ago.

You let out a shaky laugh, not knowing what to say, shoving his shoulder playfully as you settled back into your chair, steaming coffee ready to be drunk.

“I don’t, you know.”

You turned you head to curly haired man beside you confused at what he was saying.

“I could never hate you.”

2014

You weren’t exactly sure where you were. What state you were in. What time it was or how much you and the band had to drink or what drugs Matty had taken tonight but you were fucking exhausted. You had been following your brother and your best friends around the world for the best part of just over a year, ‘acting’ like their personal assistant.

You were essentially a glorified baby sitter for these four man children. You wouldn’t change it for the world though, you got to travel the world with your best friends and take cool photography in the cool cities you visited but it was all catching up to you. All whilst they were busy being rockstars, some more than others but that was a different story.

You wanted nothing more than to be in the dingy little flat you shared with Matty and George in Manchester, catching up on washing, going down to your local Sainsbury’s and doing the weekly shop. Anything that didn’t require going to bed post 3am.

But you were currently in a club in Atlanta or was it Nashville? You didn’t know but what you did know was that you were bloody tired and the thought of travelling on the tour bus to the next state with a hangover was genuinely about to send you into a downward spiral if you didn’t get yourself back to the hotel asap.

Tucked neatly underneath Hann’s arm, his arm loosely hanging over your shoulder as you rested your head upon his shoulder, you prayed for your brother to round up the other two quicker than he was because you were actually asleep standing up at this point. You didn’t think it was possible to be asleep with your eyes open but you were positive at this precise moment in time it was currently happening.

Ross finally reappeared with George in tow but there was no Matty trailing behind the two of them. You groaned loudly as you clapped eyes on the two of them. Ross looked defeated, tiredness set his eyes too. George smirked when he heard your groans.

“Not the usual type of groans you make when you see me baby.”

“I’ll punch you so hard before Ross even gets the chance to if you don’t shut the fuck up Daniel's. Where’s Healy?” You huffed, scowling at the boy in front of you.

“Mumbled something incoherent before refusing to leave.” Your brother grumbled.

“Give me two minutes.” You sent Hann a soft smile, before removing yourself from the bubble the two of you’d created at the end of the bar before pushing your way through all the sweaty bodies until you found him trying to chat up some blonde model type near the DJ booth.

Gently placing your hand around his bicep to get his attention, his curls whipped in your direction to see who was touching him. The first thing you noticed apart from the bright grin he was now sporting were his dilated pupils. So he had taken coke again, brilliant.

The sigh that left you so deeply rooted, you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on it. You hated the way it made him feel after the high was over.

“Hi darling! Hasn’t tonight been amazing? Wait where are the others? Can you believe your brother tried to make me to go back to the hotel? How sick was the gig tonight? Do you want to dance? Hey let me introduce you to…” He spoke at a hundred miles a hour as he spewed out utter nonsense, turning to realise the blonde he was chatting up was long gone.

You watched Matty’s shoulders sag, sad eyes now back on your own. “You fancy coming back with me? I’m dead on my feet and don’t really fancy nursing this inevitable hangover whilst being stuck on the tour bus for over six hours with you lot without at least four hours of decent sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go home yet.” He pouted.

“You come with me now, I’ll let you stay in my bunk tomorrow and I won’t complain about how clingy you are. Promise!”

“Like a sleepover?!” Matty’s face lit up again.

“If you like, yeah!” You laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

“Come on then, let’s go right now!” He started to drag you through the crowds. “I’m sharing with Ross tonight. I think he’d rather kill himself than watch you throw yourself at me!”

“I don’t throw myself at you.” You laughed at the frown he was pulling at you.

“It’s been known to happen Healy! I don’t mind though. My bunk tomorrow. Pinky promise.”

“Tomorrow.” Matty sent you a soft smile; his pinky looping around your own before you started to tug him back towards the boys. “I just want to clarify, I don’t throw myself at you I just like lying on your tits is all!” He said, pulling a laugh out of you as you approached the rest of the band. Your brother already leading the troops out the club as he saw your approach, eager to get out of there and into bed.

You had currently been on the road from Atlanta to Raleigh, North Carolina for the past two hours and the hangover was showing no signs of disappearing. You had already watched half a season of The Office with Hann and had taken a half arsed nap with Ross but it was hard trying to sleep in the lounge, when your head was knocking off his shoulder every time the bus hit a pot hole.

Not to mention; if Matty made one more fucking sound, you were absolutely positive one of you was going to throw him out the window. It was a toss up between you and Hann, whoever got to him first I suppose. But he was getting on your last nerve. He was annoying at the best of times but there was something about his come down today that was irritating you to no fucking end. He so much as breathed too loudly and it was sending you spiralling into deep pit of annoyance.

You and the band were up back in the lounge area, some Adam Sandler movie playing quietly in the back ground that you were pretty sure none of them were even paying attention to. When Matty threw his phone across the bus, swearing something incoherent under his breath and it was the last straw.

Standing up abruptly, you managed to startle both Ross and Hann at the speed in which you moved. Pulling down George’s hoodie that you had stolen, so it covered more of your ass over the pair of gym shorts you had on. You turned back towards your brother and Adam, irritation etched across your features, scowling at Matty as you eyed him out of your peripheral, as he moped about next to George.

Just the image of him, made you want to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to my bunk before I fucking throttle him!”

You sent them both a sarcastic smile before storming off to your bunk. You can’t have been there ten minutes before your peace was interrupted by Matty who was peering around the curtain and asking if he can join you. You let out a big sigh before silently nodding your head as he lumbered on into the small space.

Immediately wrapping his arms around your waist; his head found home upon your chest just like it always did when he wanted a cuddle. Your hand that was wrapped around him made its way up to his head, where it settled in his curls, finger tips running across his scalp. The sound of his soft sighs automatically calming down the irritation that had been bubbling inside you since he had awoken this morning.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you had been lying there in silence. You only broke the silence when the coldness of Matty’s fingertips slipped underneath your hoodie to touch the warmth of your skin. His thumb rubbing circles across the softness of your hips as he snuggled further into your tits as one of his legs started pushing its way in between your own as he got comfy.

“Matty?” Your voice gentle as you tried to get his attention.

“You said you wouldn’t complain.” His voice muffled as he spoke into your covered breasts.

“Your fingers are fucking freezing that’s all.” Your chest vibrated with laughter.

“Sorry sweetheart” Matty moved the slightest bit, to kiss the underside of your chin before snuggling back into the warmth of your hoodie.

“I don’t mean to, you know?” He whispered softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t mean to make you angry.”

His voice was barely above a whisper, that you nearly missed it.

“I’m not angry. Why would you think I’m angry at you?”

“You looked like you’d rather die than be anywhere near me before.” The hand that was weaving through his curls stopped. “I hated it. Hated that you looked at me like that. Made me feel even more shit than I already do.”

“Healy look at me.” Matty didn’t move a muscle, head still tucked underneath your chin, no effort in moving at all at your words.

“Babe. Look at me.” Your voice more stern, wiggling away from his grip so you could look down at him properly. “I could never hate you. Ever.” Your eyes flitted across his features, hardened by the late nights on tour and the hardcore partying. “I hate what that stuff does to you. I would never stop you from having fun but when you do that stuff, I hate how it makes you hate yourself the next day. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret because believe it or not Healy. I’m quite fond of you and I don’t think my heart could take it if something happened to you. Neither would my brother’s or Hann’s or George’s. We love you a stupid amount you know.”

Matty blinked at you as he took in your words, his brown eyes glossing over before shoving his face into you neck, the grip around your waist becoming impossibly tighter. Your body shaking as his vibrated against yours, soft sobs leaving him as he chanted; “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over and over again.

All you could do was hold him closer and reassure him, that he had nothing to be sorry for and you were just looking out for him because anything else, you were afraid it might break you and you’d cry too. As your best friend was breaking his heart and wetting the hoodie you were wearing.

“Don’t apologise for having fun. I just want you to be careful. All I ever want is for you to be okay and sometimes what you do with all those people you don’t know isn’t good for you sweetheart.”

You squeezed him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. As he mumbled how “I’ll be better, I promise” into your neck, pressing multiple kisses in quick succession to just under the right side of your jaw before settling back into silence where the two of stay for some time.

The soft regular movement of Matty’s thumb rubbing circles on your hip stopped, his hand significantly less colder than they were before he had them up your hoodie, moved across the expanse of your lower back and rolling you over so you were now draped over him instead and tucked into his side.

“You know sometimes I feel the only time I might get better is when we are together. You ever feel like that?”

It was now your turn to nod silently, a soft hum leaving your mouth as you pressed a quick kiss into his skin as you settled into a slumber.

2017

You had been pottering about your flat most of the morning, doing a deep clean of the place before you were supposed to be heading to meet the boys for Sunday dinner. Your boyfriend of nearly a year Michael, once again opting out of spending time with you and your family, claiming he had better things to be doing that sitting about and listening to the boys talk about what they had been getting up to in the studio again.

Personally you think it was because George let slip last time Michael could actually be bothered to join you all for a drink, that he had slept with you in a drunken ramble, much to the dismay of your boyfriend, your brother and yourself. And Michael didn’t take too fondly to the fact you were still close with George after the confession.

You were in the middle of folding the last bit of the washing that you had dumped on your bed when your phone pinged with a text from Hann.

‘Did you get a letter in the post this week? x’

‘I get a lot of stuff in the post Ads! Off who? x’

‘Matty x’

The moment you saw his name, your heart got stuck in your throat. None of you had heard from him since he he had left, something to do with his recovery. So the thought of contact from him had you dropping your phone on the bed and rushing from your room, shouting at Michael about the post you had received this week. Only receiving a mumble from him about the fire place; had you dashing to the living room, where you rifled through the post sat on top of the mantelpiece.

There slotted in between this months Rolling Stone subscription and a local take away menu was a white envelope addressed to you.

A Barbados post mark sitting in the top right corner.

Dropping the rest of the mail on the coffee table, you rushed back to your bedroom, locking the door immediately before sitting at the edge of your bed and taking in Matty’s scrawl of a penmanship. Running your fingers over the ink; your mind flashed back to that day.

The day you realised he wasn’t okay.

How completely out of it he was as you watched him at their last festival gig of the iliwys tour cycle. How utterly miserable he looked as he threw himself about the stage, looking just the shadow of the man you knew and loved.

You knew something wasn’t right as you watched from the side of stage with their manager Jamie. George ever the professional, had even broke his concentration bubble to catch your eye several times during their festival set, worry set in his features.

The way your gentle giant walked straight up to you, stopped in front of you and just by the look in your eyes. Your face never one to hide your emotions. George wrapped his arm around you and without a single word, the pair of you knew you had to speak to the other boys about it. You needed to talk to him.

The night of the intervention. The way he screamed and shouted at you all. He admitted to using but he didn’t do it quietly. The way Ross stepped in front of you in defence when he swore at you. Hann’s hand wrapped tightly around your own, George’s hand squeezing your shoulder in support as your brown eyes glossed over as you took in the man in front of you. He wasn’t your Matty and you hated looking at him like this.

You didn’t want to look at him at all and it broke your heart.

Slipping your finger into the envelope you finally tore it open, slipping out several pages of paper. You weren’t sure how long you were holding them before you actually unfolded them but it felt like a lifetime of contemplating before you managed to finally take a deep breath and compose yourself enough to read his words.

‘Darling,

As part of my recovery, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to everyone I’ve hurt and yours is the last one I’ve got to write. Not because you mean the least to me. Quite the opposite. Yours has been the hardest to write. Harder than Gabby. My Mam, Dad & Louis & the boys because you mean the absolute world to me.

This is actually the third time I’ve attempted to write this. Admitting that I’ve hurt you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You know what I’m like, I’m a stubborn twat at the best of times but I needed to do this because you deserve this apology probably the most.

You’ve never once judged me and the fucked up things I do when I’m on one. Since we were kids you’ve stuck by my side, defended me when I really didn’t deserve it and loved me endlessly from the sidelines and I’ve definitely not deserved your love but you gave me it anyway.

Do you remember that time we were on tour in 2014 and I was fucked up on coke for god knows how many days in a row and you couldn’t even be in the same room as me that day on the bus when I was on that god awful come down on the way to North Carolina?

Yet you still didn’t say no when I selfishly came crawling to your bunk to interrupt your peace and quiet with my tail between my legs, asking to come lie with you. You could have told me to piss off but you didn’t, you let me squish myself into your bunk and your arms and let me sleep off my hangover in your arms without complaining once. I would have complained but you didn’t, you let me and my cold hands snake their way into your personal space like I hadn’t gotten on your last nerve just ten minutes prior.

I’m quite a selfish person. You my darling are the most selfless person I know and I don’t deserve the good grace you’ve given me time and time again. Especially seeing as I dragged you along for the ride and then you’ve had to babysit me because I can’t control myself when it comes to drugs and showing off because I want everyone to like me.

You could have taken the tough love route, told me I’m a big fuck up and judged me for my drug use and tried to get me to stop (which probably would have have had the opposite effect out of defiance) but you didn’t. You silently kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t end up killing myself. Until I took it too far.

I’ve seen you look at me with distaste over the years. Yet nothing compares to the way you looked at me that day you guys staged your intervention. I didn’t think you guys had noticed. I thought me and Miss H had this great big secret going on and I didn’t want to let any of you guys in on it because it would ruin what we had.

Yet you know me better than anyone. You and George both just knew that day. Of course you did. You’re my best friends. But you don’t know how happy I am the four of you staged that intervention and told me I needed to get my shit together.

When I think about the way I lashed out at you. The way your big brown eyes that usually sparkle with mischief when we’re with each other, glossed over as you just stood and took it and didn’t even raise your voice at me once. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten as I write this.

I deserved it you know. I deserved whatever fury was bubbling inside you because I was a class A cunt that day! I’m truly surprised Ross didn’t knock my head off and I wouldn’t have blamed him either if he had done!

I’m just so glad you did something because the thought of losing every single one of you shatters my soul so much, I would cease to exist without you.

I could sit here and write down the list of all things I’m sorry for but physically we don’t have the time or enough paper! But you should know that I am.

I’m sorry.

For everything.

I’m doing okay. The best I’ve been in a long time. The only way being here might get better is if you were here too.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging for it because the thought of you hating me and not being able to trust me anymore kills me.

You really an angel on this earth.

I don’t deserve you.

I love you.

Yours Matthew x

p.s I cannot wait to be reunited with your tits! I’ve missed them!

You let out a chortled laugh as you read through the last line of the letter. Your hands quickly making their way to your face as you wiped the tears that were streaming from your face. The cuffs of your hoodie wet from where you’ve tried to stop the flow of tears. Pressing the letter to your chest, you took a few deep breaths to try compose yourself before you left the confinements of your bedroom.

Hurriedly shoving the letter into your handbag, so there was no chance Michael could stumble across your letter. He didn’t like Matty as it was, you didn’t want to give him ammunition to say anything. You grabbed your car keys and rushed out of the house without a word to your boyfriend and heading straight to Hann’s.

2020

You had broken up with Michael.

The red flags should have been there from the start really. He always had less than nice words to say about you and your relationships with the boys. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say in general but you were blinded by love and the man he was when you first met that you didn’t see the red flags being waved right in front of your face until your heart (and self confidence) were already broken.

Your brother didn’t like Michael, he thought there was something off about him from the off but you put it down to Ross doing his job as your big brother but his opinion didn’t waver once in the four years you were together. George never liked how possessive he was and the fact he became even more so and tried to stop you from speaking to him after he found out about your night together. Which just fyi happened three years prior to meeting him, so he (everyone) was flabbergasted as to why he was so bothered! Hann. Your sweet angel of a bestie had even voiced how he didn’t like him and he was never one to be rude which should have also been a clue you were dating a dickhead.

Then there was Matty. Matty hated him. The feelings were mutual. Michael had told you plenty of times over your four years together that he hated your best friend but he would never tell you why. Matty told you it was because ‘he was a twat who didn’t deserve you’. You were obliged to agree because that mother fucker cheated on you!

Multiple women across the last two years of your relationship.

To say you were stunned was an understatement yet it somehow made sense and fell into place so easily when you thought about it all. Yet that didn’t make it hurt any less. But a friend of yours sending you the evidence whilst you were on the last night of the UK tour was the final nail in the coffin that was your shitty relationship with him.

You weren’t sure who wanted to kill him more. Your brother? Matty? Or George? The three of them were raging amongst one another at their after party which should have been a celebration whilst Hann sat with his arms wrapped around you as you cried to him and Carly. You didn’t think anything would make you feel better apart from getting obliterated with your favourite people and forgetting about Michael and the impending doom that was about to be bestowed upon the entire world.

Matty was your saving grace.

Asked you to move in, without even hesitating. Naturally you said yes, sitting in your flat all by yourself whilst you cried over your douchebag of an ex during lockdown did not sound appealing to you. It was giving ‘Emma Pilssbury crying to Celine Dion in her car from Glee’ and you weren’t quite ready to hit that stage of your breakup depression just yet.

Two weeks turned into two months and then four months of lockdown but quite frankly you had never been happier. Living with Matty again, surprisingly was just as good the second time round if not easier. Except this time you weren’t poor, your kitchen roof wasn’t leaking and there was a 95% less drug taking which made your life a whole lot less stressful.

It was just easy with him. At some point whilst the world stood still, Matty and Tahliah broke up and then it really just was you two; doing your washing, fighting over who’s turn it was to use their club card during the weekly shop at Tesco and raising his (both of your’s) new dog, Mayhem.

The two of you had been getting ready to move into a studio tomorrow with George after four months of just the two of you playing house, the pair of them just itching to get back to work. You were aware that Matty had been writing already but you knew it would be full steam now Notes had been released and you wanted to make use of the time you had left just the two of you.

Only because you knew as soon as you got your hands on George. That was it! Not a chance Matty was getting any attention. You had missed your big friendly giant more than anything and you knew from your FaceTime with him last night whilst you couldn’t sleep that he was more than excited to see you too.

All three of you were sunbathing in the garden. Mayhem by your side as the two of you soaked up some much needed sun. The heatwave the UK was currently in the middle of was doing wonders for your skin. You had been lying in silence for the past thirty minutes, a book covering your face to block out the sun as you tried to read. Matty’s head in your lap as you presumed he was napping when you suddenly felt him turn over in your lap, now on his side and looking up at you.

Lifting the book ever so slightly, so you could peek underneath at him, you cocked an eyebrow as he watched you with a gentle gaze. “Yes?” Your tone rich with sarcasm as you stared back at him. “Anything actually going through that pretty head of yours Healy? What you thinking about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You laughed. “What about us?”

“You remember my eighteenth birthday?” He asked; peering up at you with a soft smile.

“The party?” Matty nodded. “I remember Ross stopping me from getting with Max! Remember him? I was gutted!” You laughed. “Why?”

“You know that’s not what I meant?” Matty frowned slightly as he pouted at you.

“Of course I do.” You put your book down, your hands automatically reaching for what was left of his curls,“What about it?”

“You ever think about it?”

“Sometimes. Think we’ve done a fantastic job at keeping it from my brother! Especially with your big gob!” You smiled down at him as you ran your hand through his curls gently.

“Funny!” He sent a glare your way, causing you to laugh loudly at his attempt to be intimidating.

“What’s got you thinking about that kiss from a million years ago anyway?”

“Wanking material.” He somehow managed to say without cracking smile.

It was your turn to shoot him a glare at his crudeness. It wasn’t long though until he was grinning up at you from his place in your lap. You pushed his head away from you in fake annoyance. God you couldn’t stand him sometimes!

“Ohh come on darling. I hear you sometimes! We all do it, you’ve got to think of something!” Matty tried to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I think about G’s 23rd birthday.” You smirked. Your vibrator was good but it wasn’t George. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a good orgasm and thinking it might have been before Michael makes you want to cry. Your confession/kind of a joke caused the grin to fall from his face and you almost felt bad, knowing he doesn’t want to hear about the incredible night you had with George because if anyone asked him, he absolutely did not want to relive it.

“I’m joking!” Your hand reached for his curls again. “Seriously though, what’s got you reminiscing about it. It’s been a long time.”

“Just thinking about how much I love you is all.” His confession made you stop. “What would have happened if we’d said fuck it and we ended up together.”

“I don’t think Ross would have been too happy. You saw how mad he got about G!” You laughed nervously as you thought about stopping your brother from knocking his band mate out.

“He’d have gotten over it.” Matty was now leaning up on his arms, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your bikini clad torso before pressing several kisses in quick succession up your stomach until he was hovering over your chest and looking down at your face. “If we were happy, he’d have been happy. You know he would have been.”

His actions made you hold your breath. It being strangely intimate and probably the most intimate you’d been since you were teenagers. You wondered if he was actually going to kiss you again but he just looked down at you fondly.

“You know I’d do anything for you right?” You nodded. “You’re one of the only people who makes me truly happy. I’d literally go too far just you have you near. I’d go blind just to see you!”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatics of his statement but the sweet sentiment made you smile, you reached up to hold the side of his face in your hands. Your thumb sweeping over the apple of his left cheek. The pair of you just basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. Unsure how long you hadn’t said anything, Matty broke the silence in the most Matty way.

“Literally anything you need. I’ve got you for life sweetheart. A cuppa? A joint? An orgasm? I’m your man!”

A chortle left your mouth as he cheekily beamed down at you, waiting for what he knew would be a somewhat sarcastic response. He didn’t realise he’d really set himself up for what you were about to say.

“Don’t worry I’m good. I’m seeing G tomorrow!”

The way his eyes narrowed at you made you cackle even louder as he finally jumped up off you, to walk back inside without another word. “I’m sorry!” You laughed. “I promise not to shag George when I see him. I’m good with my vibrator I promise!” You manage to sputter out through your laughter. “Stick the kettle on whilst you’re in there love.” You shouted after him.

Matty threw you the middle finger over his shoulder which made you laugh even more as he went though the back door, Mayhem hot on his heels; knowing fine well he was going to put the kettle on and make you a brew just how you liked it because for as long as he can remember he’s never been able to say no to you and he didn’t think he’d ever will.

2023

The 1975 in Show and Concert was possibly your favourite tour that you’d been apart of with the boys. There was an accumulative of factors; the fact you weren’t the only girl on tour this time round, Carly had joined Adam with their son and Charli had come to as many shows as her own schedule permitted. You also had a little part to play at Matthew’s request (obviously!) donned in a white lab coat, you brought Matty a hot honey and lemon on stage every night and pottered about with the rest of the crew, making sure your brother and the rest of the band were all good before slipping off to watch the rest of the show from backstage.

Or it could have been that you and Matty were closer than ever. Ever since lockdown and the pair of you had been living together, everything seemed so simple that since restrictions were lifted, you just carried on living together. I think when George removed the last box of things from your old flat to take to Matty’s did it for him, that he just shook his head with a laugh.

“You guys really are an old married couple!” He chuckled; slamming the boot close and jumping in the car before you could get a word in edgeways.

He wasn’t wrong, you guys did essentially everything together apart from have sex. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Somewhere between moving into the studio with him and George and then your brother and Hann joining them to start recording their fifth studio album. You hadn’t shagged anyone in over a year and there was only so many times you could use your vibrator before you got bored and there wasn’t a cat’s chance in hell you were ordering a new toy to the studio because Matty didn’t have boundaries and absolutely would have opened it before you could even get the chance to get your hands on it.

You had also promised after day one; after one too many jokes and essentially mounting George at any given moment just to have him near you that you wouldn’t sleep with him. Even though a repeat of his birthday from seven years prior was literally so so temping to you! So what the hell were you going to do? The thought of dating apps made you want to vomit and hanging about bars really didn’t seem that appealing.

But Matty being Matty; was being overly affectionate one night after one too many glasses of red after a show, had the two of you giggling like teenagers and wondering if the two of you had gotten better at kissing since Matty’s 18th. Curiosity getting the better of the both of you, had you surging towards one another in a flurry of horniness after the kiss, was how you found yourself straddling his lap and snogging him like your life depended on it! Until you physically had to pull away to get your breath back and a rush of sense flashed through your brain. The two of you went to bed separately.

Neither of you spoke about it again.

Nor did you ever think about how the two of you were always drawn to each other no matter what shit storm was going on around you until now. You were just tying up the end of the UK leg of the tour, you and the band were in Ireland and Jamie had just told you that *The Scum* were running a horrendous article about Matty. This had in turn resulted in an argument after their penultimate show between the boys.

You knew he did things in the heat of the moment whilst he’s on stage or says shit without thinking and it comes to bite him in the arse almost every time but he’d never do what they’re accusing him of on purpose.

But seeing your brother hurt by Matty’s stupid actions; the repercussions for not just himself but for the rest of the band, your brother, yourself just by association. It was enough for you to step in, in defence of your brother. He came before everyone else, every single time.

This you didn’t realise; had as big of an effect until you were stood frozen on stage in front of your brother, Matty in between you and Ross. Apologising to him, crying in front of thousands of people. How Ross hadn’t broke the facade and took him in his arms was beyond you because your brother’s face was currently blurry to you and he was stood a foot in front of you. Tears filled your brown eyes and were threatening to spill as Matty let his vulnerable side show in front of everyone. Something he never does.

You had done so well until he apologised once more; removing his hand from Ross’s arm and reaching behind him blindly to grab on to you. The tears automatically fell; the action enough to make Ross twitch in an ache to comfort you. Something he couldn’t do until the band had come off stage at the end of consumption.

After the final song of tour; the boys usually head on out for the after party. Tonight you had Matty back at the hotel in your room on his knees and begging for you.

Begging for you to not leave him. Begging for you not to move out. Begging for you to stay by his side. Begging for you to still love him.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at the man in front of you; on his knees as his hands grasped at your legs, pulling you close as he hugged you as physically close as possible as he sobbed against your legs. Instinctively you reached for his curls, running your fingers through them softly.

“Baby. Look at me.” The softness of his curls tickled your thighs as he stayed pressed against you. “Matthew. Darling look at me.”

You managed to loosen his grip enough to slide down on to your knees in front of him, taking a hold of his face in your hands as you eyes flitted across his face, smiling softly at him as he tried to calm himself down.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” He shook his head, curls flying in front of his face. “But I can’t lose you darling. I can’t.”

“Matthew. Look at me. Why do you think you’re going to lose me? You’re never going to lose me. You’re kinda stuck with me!” You laughed. “And even if I decided to fuck off, my brother being your bassist kind of means I’m stuck with you anyway.” The grip on his face got tighter as his hands reached up to hold on to your wrists.

“But last night…”

“Ross and I just want you to use your brain sometimes before you do stupid shit! You’ve not lost either of us. I promise.”

“Promise?”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the swell of tears in his eyes and his lip quiver.

“Life. That’s how long you’ve got me for Healy. Promise.” As soon as you stopped speaking; Matty threw himself at you, arms around your neck and squeezing you so tightly you nearly stopped breathing. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Being repeated in your ear over and over as you squeezed him back, pressing your lips to the side of his face in consecutive kisses until he abruptly pulled away. Eyes red and looking at you so softly you thought he was going to cry again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I do.” You smiled at him warmly.

“No. It’s always been you.” He said as he reached for your hands and it felt like you had been hit in the chest. The sting of tears trickling up your face and threatening to fill your eyes as you silently took him in. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know I always talk too much but just listen to me. I love you. Since we were kids I reckon, I was just too chicken to ever do anything. When you kissed me on my 18th birthday. When you saw I needed help, you saved my life sending me to rehab. Every day, I thought about getting home to you. It’s what got me through every day. You make me a better man darling. When you take my shit when I don’t deserve it. When you make me a brew in the morning just how I like it. When you roll me a joint when you realise I’m too tense and in my head without me even having to ask. When you tell me to shut the fuck up before a situation escalates. When we go to big Tesco and walk the dog or do all the washing together. I fucking live for that shit because it’s with you. Fuck I’ve been writing songs about you for the past decade! You are intertwined with every era of this band sweetheart. I mean 60% of the last album is about you! ” He chuckled softly.

“What?” Managed to escape you in a gasp.

“Come on sweetheart. Some of this music has literally been out for ten years!”

“I - Just never - Why have you never said anything before now?” Your voice horse with frustration.

“I love your brother too much. But thinking I’d lost the two of you, just made me think fuck it. You deserve to know. You need to know.” Matty shrugged casually.

“That’s stupid.” Your deadpan tone, stunning him silent.

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t it you that said to me that if Ross knew I was happy. That we were happy he wouldn’t care. He’d have gotten over it? And you’ve just subliminally been telling me you love me through music this entire time?”

“Yes?”

You cocked an eyebrow at his hesitation, the questioning tone as your eyes flit across his handsome features. Cheeks tinged with pink due to his tears, his chest falling up and down rapidly at his confession as he awaited you answer. You still didn’t say anything, thinking about how to respond until you found the perfect response.

Surging forward you pushed your lips against Matty’s. Hands reaching for the curls you loved so much. Waiting for him to reciprocate felt like a life time but your Matthew was well equipped in the art of kissing you back so realistically it was 0.2 seconds after he had gotten over the shock.

You kissed him over and over again, not wanting to stop the feeling of how your lips moved against his, how his tongue felt against yours. You felt like you were on fire, he was intoxicating. He always was but fuck was he more than ever. Finally finding the strength to untangle yourself from him, chests heaving as you both got oxygen back in your lungs you said the words, the way he’d been wishing to hear for the past sixteen years.

“I love you too.”

When he was finally seen in public two days later on the eve of their Gorilla gig in Manchester. The fans noticed Matty was in higher spirits than he had been two days prior when his breakdown was caught on camera. You had been nervous to tell your brother but Ross claimed he already knew Matty was in love with you, he was just waiting to see if he’d actually grow some balls or not! Then he hugged you so tightly and whispered he was happy for the both of you, which in turn had you and Matty crying backstage in their green room as you found yourself in a 1975 sandwich!

You don’t think you had seen Matty look so happy on stage in a long time. He loved touring but it was gruelling but seeing him on stage in this tiny venue with his best friends and his girl watching and waiting for him side stage. He couldn’t stop beaming. The fans noticed, the comments already flying in online about him. They increased tenfold when he jumped offstage, not waiting the ten second walk backstage before kissing you like his life depended on it.

The blurry picture of Matty holding your jaw in his hands as he kissed you in the shadows of the stage was on a 1975 update account within minutes.

Captioned: If you know you know. Finally 🖤

You were obliged to agree.

#Matty Healy #matty healy imagine #matty healy fic #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 imagine #the 1975 fic #the 1975 x reader #George Daniel #george daniel imagine #Adam Hann #adam hann imagine #Ross MacDonald #ross macdonald imagine

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fairlylocalkatiee · 4 months ago

Note

Hello bestie! Can I request a fic where reader meets josh and Tyler at a gig and they dance together eventually exchanging numbers and going on a date? I don’t care which member it is lol I need a surprise 😊

HI BESTIE TY FOR MY FIRST REQUEST (I haven’t written fanfic in a very long time so bear with me !!!)

Word count: 904

Warnings: mention of drinking (reader is 21+) nothing else except some fluffy fluff (also I invented this venue in my head lol)

Chance Encounter — Tyler Joseph x Reader

|-/

The sound of the loud music pumping through the venue made you smile as you made your way into your favorite Friday night haunt, The Outsiders.

Even by yourself you always had a good time listening to the local bands that came to play at the venue. You didn’t really know any of the bands playing tonight but you had heard good things from your friends about one called Twenty One Pilots.

Making your way to the bar you got yourself your favorite drink and headed toward the front of the stage, where a captivating all female band played a cover of the song Zombie.

You lost yourself in the music, closing your eyes and letting your body sway to the chorus.

Everything was going great until you felt a random shove from behind, causing your drink to fly out of your hand and spill onto the floor.

Turning abruptly you came face to face with the softest brown eyes apologetically looking at you.

“I am so sorry, my friend and I were just roughhousing- I didn’t mean to bump into you… can I buy you another drink?” He asked, running his hands through his short brown hair.

He was wearing a short sleeved white button up and dark jeans. Casual but he was making it work. You felt yourself blush realizing how cute he was.

“I would like that, thanks.” You smiled.

He reached his hand out to you and you gently took it as he led you back to the bar. Feeling his warm hand in yours sent tingles up your spine.

“I’m Tyler by the way.”

“(Y/N).” You smiled at him as he ordered your drink.

“Now I have to confess it was actually my friend Josh’s crazy idea to bump into you… he saw how I was admiring you as you danced, I’m really embarrassed about it honestly.” He said with a nervous laugh, “but I didn't mean to spill your drink, I swear.”

“I believe you,” you laughed along with him, “sad to waste a perfectly good drink but I think it was for the better.” You said, realizing you were leaning closer and closer to each other as you talked.

“Want to catch the last few songs with me?” He stood up abruptly and reached for your hand again, you let him lead you back to the dance floor in front of the stage.

The band was playing an original song now, and you felt your self confidence building as you sipped your drink and began dancing along to the music with Tyler.

“Do you know any of the bands playing tonight?” He asked, you shook your head. “Not really, I heard some good things about one of the bands, though… twenty one pilots I think they’re called but I haven’t listened to them at all.”

“Oh yeah, you totally should! They rock. I love them!” He smiled brightly at you and your heart beat faster in your chest.

The world around you faded into a blur as you danced together, feeling the electricity between you as his hands found your waist, pulling you closer to him.

His lips brushing your ear as he leaned forward and spoke, “You’re a great dancer,” you smiled and leaned into him, “Only with good company”.

“That was our set, Thankyou all!” The lead singer shouted into the mic playing the last few notes on her guitar.

“I’ll be right back,” Tyler said reluctantly, pulling away from you.

He grabbed his friend from earlier who was talking animatedly nearby surrounded by several women and disappeared into the crowd.

“I really hope he actually comes back” you said to yourself with a sigh, thinking about how much you enjoyed talking and dancing with him. You’d never felt an instant connection with anyone like that before.

“Next up is our headlining band, Twenty One Pilots!” They announced, beckoning them onto the stage.

You looked around trying to find Tyler, hoping he would be back to watch the next set with you, but your eyes locked on a familiar figure on the stage.

It was him!

You felt your heart in your throat as you realized the guy you’d been flirting with all night was the lead singer of the band your friends told you about.

He started to sing and his eyes locked onto yours in the crowd, smiling at you.

“Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed I said I had no idea who they were!” You wanted to run into the corner and hide, but you resisted the urge.

Throughout the entire set Tyler’s eyes found you several times, and each time you felt your heart flutter. You glued yourself to your spot in front of the stage as the crowd filled out behind you, dancing and singing to the music.

You stood mesmerized as he sang, impressed by him and his friend Josh’s fantastic drumming. At the end of the setlist the crowd roared with cheers as Tyler took the mic one last time.

“Thankyou everyone! We’re Twenty One Pilots! And I have just one more quick thing…” Tyler’s eyes found yours again in the crowd , “(Y/N) I know we just met but I really want to take you out on a date. Will you go out with me?” He reached his hand out for you and pulled you onto the stage and you fell into his arms where they wrapped around your waist.

“Yes of course I will, Tyler!” The crowd erupted in whoops and cheers.

——

I hope you all enjoyed my first Tyler moment it’s short but since I haven’t written in so long I needed to dip my toes in. lol. Requests are open for anything ! Fluff, smut, Angst, for both boys!! Love yall ‼️🥰 (also is the formatting weird I wrote and posted this with my phone lol)

#tyler joseph x reader #tyler joseph #josh dun #twenty one pilots #tøp #twenty øne piløts #tyler joseph imagine #tyler joseph imagines

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scribescrawls · 4 months ago

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Taco headcanons?

Apologies to anon who sent this for the late response! I meant to respond earlier, but I am kind of slow in replying to messages and comments a lot of the time sorry!!

I think with taco it depends on the story I am trying to tell at the moment that could change the way I characterize them from story to story. I will list some of the more general headcanons I have about them or when I write them though some of these might differ between each other depending on the story I work on (of course these are just my personal opinions or me being delulu haha and it’s totally fine if people have differing opinions or don’t agree lol)

Taco headcanons:

-I do not agree with the idea that Tom/Voldemort is incapable of love. I also don’t really see them as different people, perhaps depending on the setting I can see them at different life stages so they are different from each other but I don’t really see them as separate people if that makes any sense lol

-I see Tom as being actually a very sentimental person when he gets attached to something and in some ways is both a cynic about the world but also a romantic in that he romanticizes certain things about his life. Like the way he clings to his connection to being “heir of Slytherin” and the idea of being special over others, I see as more of a coping mechanism for his trauma of growing up as an orphan during a war where the very real fear of dying in that time in obscurity like so many other orphans or like his mother has him clinging onto any hope that he won’t end up the same. He’s probably grown up with most people believing and saying that he’s nobody and will die as a nobody in a pauper’s grave. I can see him telling himself that he is special and forcing himself to believe that he is someone of worth meant for greater things because no one else will. Because the alternative is admitting that you will probably die alone and forgotten by the world and no one will care.

-I think once he actually reaches a point of self-awareness that he likes/loves someone and wants them in his life it goes from 0 to 100 real quick. I actually see him as the one with less commitment issues most of the time once he realizes his emotions because I guess I view it as when he wants something he’s determined to get it and keep it forever. Of course this requires him to grow attached or care for whatever idea/object/person in question first and admit it to himself which I see as more rare but when it happens he loves with an intense fervor/obsession. I could imagine Draco casually dating people for fun before they get together, but I can’t see Tom enjoying casual dating at all. If he was going to officially date someone, I think Tom would already have decided this is the one and you’re never leaving him :)

-I headcanon Tom as demisexual and demiromantic. For Draco I personally headcanon him as bi, both bisexual and biromantic

-Though their differing personalities can be a source of conflict, I also think it can be beneficial in balancing them. I see Draco as being able to bring out the more fun side of Tom and just brings a bit of silliness and fun in general to their dynamic and in Tom’s life. In turn, I see Tom as being able to ground Draco’s flights of fancy and stop Draco from overthinking things when he gets too in his own head about things. I also think Draco helps Tom not overthink certain things too but in different ways. I think if they manage to strike the right balance between their personalities they kind of ground each other.

-I see Tom as having a dry sense of humor mixed with some gallows humor and also occasionally makes puns, like with the whole Wormtail hand joke lol, I think Draco actually really enjoys Tom’s dry sense of humor and one of the things Draco likes about him is that he can make him laugh. I think Tom is also the kind to make mean scathing remarks about people usually in a dry way and Draco’s humor is kind of similar and finds it funny when Tom is mean so long as it’s not targeted at him. I also think that Draco’s over dramatic ridiculousness sometimes exasperates Tom, but I think it also amuses him in some ways and Draco just by the nature of how he is sometimes brings levity to the situation when Tom is being too serious.

-I think Tom is bad at social cues and understanding other people. I think he can read people enough to manipulate them to use them, but if you try to get him to truly understand someone he doesn’t really get it most of the time. Like he can understand a certain pattern of behavior gets a certain reaction, but understanding why that would make someone else feel that way is a struggle especially if he hasn’t experienced it himself.

While he can put on a charismatic facade I don’t think he enjoys it and I think it’s actually very tiring for him when he has to do it long term.

-I think Tom shows his care and affection through actions over words

-I think Tom has a romanticized idea of his mother and I think part of him feels angry she died and left him alone (even if it’s not a rational thought), but I think he also loves her or at least the idea of her that he’s built up in his mind since he never actually knew what she was like in real life. Like she died and ‘left him’ (even if we know dying in childbirth isn’t choosing to leave someone), but she also seems to be the only one in the world who wanted him. And I think that’s why he’s so protective of this idea he’s made of her in his head and her memory. The way he only moves to attack Morfin when his uncle starts calling his mother horrible names and insulting her or the way he was so dead set on getting the locket that belonged to her. Or his hatred of his dad for leaving them.

-I think Tom has an idealized concept of motherhood and that traits like love, care, affection, gentleness, understanding, comfort, etc (things I think he craves but won’t admit) are things he associates with mothers. Mothers are the ones who love their children and want them. Mothers care for their children enough to die for them. But they are also in his eyes weak, fragile, and they die on you. (Of course we know not all mothers are like that)

I don’t think Tom is looking for someone to replace his mom, but I think Draco’s way of caring for people that he’s learned from growing up in a loving family reflects a lot of the ideals of what Tom imagines a family or more specifically the only family member worth anything in his eyes (mothers) embody

-Because Draco grew up in a loving family with two overprotective parents, when he takes care of others especially those he loves or sees as family whether it’s intentional or not I think it’s a bit coddling, sometimes nagging, but gentle and very warm. And Tom getting to be on the receiving end of all of that from Draco, it’s probably the closest he’s ever felt to having a family and the safety and care the feeling invokes probably makes him want to hoard it like a starving man. Draco is also magically weaker (though that’s not saying much considering it’s Voldemort/Tom he’s being compared to and almost everyone would be weaker) and Tom’s probably aware of how easy it would be to kill him or for him to die. Draco’s probably playing on all his mommy issues lol

-I like to think that Tom likes discussing Dark Arts with Draco and likes that he can talk about the stuff without Draco blinking an eye at the subject matter or being appalled that Tom is fascinated with the Dark Arts as a subject since Draco grew up in a family that practices Dark Arts and has a bunch of Dark artifacts and items just hanging around Malfoy Manor like they’re your everyday vase considering Lucius had to sell some of it off to Borgin and Burkes to avoid the Ministry’s prying in book 2. While yes he is fascinated with the Dark Arts for the power it could bring him, I also just see Tom as someone who is fascinated by magic in general and how it works. I see his fascination with the Dark Arts equally as an academic interest and think he’d like talking about his interests.

Draco’s less judgemental view of the Dark Arts means he’d be more comfortable talking about it without judging Tom in regards to his interests on principle, since he wouldn’t view the Dark Arts as inherently bad. Draco growing up in a loving family who also happened to practice Dark Arts means he wouldn’t have that association that Dark magic always equals bad. I actually think he’d have a more nuanced view that it’s all in the application of the spell rather than the type of spell that makes it bad to do. I also think because of that Draco also brings up sometimes creative but also silly applications for the spells Tom is studying or making. Like a spell that would sear the flesh of a person’s skin without burning through their whole body quickly until their insides slowly melted. And Draco would probably ask if the same spell could be used to roast the perfect marshmallow with a perfect gooey center. Tom would call him ridiculous and then five minutes later they’d probably be hunched over a marshmallow trying it out because now the thought won’t leave Tom’s head and Draco would whine about wanting to try it lol

-I see them as both very stubborn people so conflicts do happen, but I think as long as they work on their communication over time they have the potential to be a solid couple. Though I don’t think their communication skills came naturally. I think a lot of it came with trial and error.

-I think there are moments where Draco does things and Tom has that feeling/thought of “I do not understand rich people” lol

-I don’t see Taco as a “match made in heaven perfect for each other in every way" kind of ship, I think it’s one of those ships where they don’t easily mesh together naturally but when they find the balance between their personalities I think they could make for a very strong couple. Very much a “you want to make it work so you put in the effort to stay in each other’s lives because it is something you both want” kind of ship.

-I see them as an “I accidentally fell in love” (this was neither of our initial intents), but “I chose to remain in love and every day I choose to love you” kind of ship

Of course this all depends on how they are written and I will admit I do tend to write them softer than perhaps most portrayals lol, though darker portrayals can be fun to explore too but at the moment somehow all of mine so far have been coming out quite soft…lol

-Taco for me is like that one Emperor’s New Groove scene where he pulls down the chart and is like “by all accounts it doesn’t make sense”, but it compels me though and here I am haha

And it is fun exploring the many ways they could meet and fall in love UwU

#tomdraco #taco #hp #harry potter #anonymous #anon ask #long post #draco malfoy #tom riddle

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nct-charlee · 7 months ago

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Jaemin + Charlee (CharMin)

“Charming. That’s what we are. ”

masterlist // NCT DREAM

(korean, english)

warning: NONE.

a/n: but hi everyone !!! so sorry for literally disappearing from the face of the earth for almost a year (yikes!). when i first started writing and thinking up Charlee i had the time and energy to finally write something. but the more i wrote and the less i saw people actually engage in my work was extremely disheartening. it was a really hard thing to consider but i just couldn’t write without thinking of what people would think of my work (if they would even read it LOL). at that same time i started falling out of love with kpop and kpop content and so it made no sense to keep doing something i found no joy in doing. BUTTTT i finally gained that spark and started following NCT and RIIZE!! writing charlee and her story was one of my favorite things to do and i really missed it i think. so her story lives on!! and there’s someone on the way, coming very very soon 😉

WC:

First Meeting

“She was and is so-” (all the members start groaning, Chenle and Haechan start saying ‘la la la I can’t hear you’)

“-pretty” (Staff coo while all the members starts booing causing Jaemin to just smile wider)

It was right after the meeting to reveal that Charlotte would in fact join NCT dream

Charlotte was the last in the room, still trying to rack her brain. she was going to debut

Not just that she was going to debut in a boy group, all different things going on in her head

Jaemin had seen her around, in passing. They had not once said anything to each other though

“She was still bawling in the office and I felt so bad. I don’t even remember what I said exactly, but I remember comforting her.”

Jaemin had realized he hadn’t seen her and decided to go see where she was

He had just been put on hiatus for his back and had a feeling Charlotte was probably feeling horrible, she probably thought she was replacing him

When he came in she had her head in her hands and was sobbing. He quickly walked inside and closed the door, coughing slightly so she could hear him

She quickly tried to wipe her tears, before sniffing out “Sorry, I’ll get out soon…”

“No, no, You’re fine. I was actually looking for you,” He smiles softly. “I just wondered if you wanted to go and get some snacks with me?”

“Um, okay. Sure?”

Jaemin laughed a little and held his hand, taking hers and leading her to the nearest convenience store

Fan Favorite Moment

During “Boom” it was obvious that Dream was going in a darker and more mature era

Slowly her clothes got short and tighter until she all she could do was place her hands around her to at least have a little modesty off stage

It was also when staff realized she was in fact the same height as multiple members, if not taller

When people would bring up her height, he often would often try to change the subject, knowing she was uncomfortable with talking about it

He was also silently helping her with her clothes

Covering her with blankets or towels during variety or awards shows. If nothing was around he would use his own jacket, not caring that he was going to get a earful from the stylists

One time, the camera man started zooming in on her. He immediately jumped into frame and started smiling and waving his finger ‘no’.

When Charlee finally notices the camera she waves and they both start joking around

It’s still unclear if the camera persons intentions were bad or good

On Screen

“We are very charming so Charmin is us!”

Popularity: 9/10

Nicknames: Baby, Honey, Jagiya…that’s it, only endearing names

Best couple right here (I mean whatttt??)

They are so loved that even the biggest scandals that have come from DREAM was because of them, but they got cleared immediately when people realized it was about them

Clingyyyyy

Again one of the few members to show affection on screen

Jaemin while being the perceived “loudest” in variety content, Charlee is perceived the “loudest” during vlogs and trip content. In both occasions they balance each other out

Either calming each other or bringing the other out of their shell. A slight graze of each others arm is all they need to know that they’re either doing “too much” or “too little”

Off Screen

Still touchy, if not more so

Off camera Charlee is quite unserious and is seriously the joker AND a big yapper

Being the same but total opposites at the same time translates even off screen

Charlee is not shy to run up to him and hug him randomly, or call him randomly to say “I have to pee”

There’s no such thing as TMI between them and she makes sure he remembers that

One of the first tattoos she had gotten was dedicated to 8dream, each member had a little doodle she drew that reminded her of them

His was a cup of coffee in a ying and yang-esque way. One half being darker (his namericano) and one half being a milk-coffee (her 70:30 creamer and milk to coffee ratio)

#nct added member #nct addition #nct dream added member #nct dream oc #nct female addition #nct dream au #nct dream female member #nct dream 8th member #nct female member #nct dream fluff #nct dream #jaemin #nct oc #nct dream fic #nct fic

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tensbowl · 11 days ago

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my thoughts on beastars!

i recently finished reading beastars and honestly it’s been a WHILE since a manga had me this hooked since.. given. i used to read a shitton of manga in middle school but i gradually stopped when i entered hs (stemmed from a desire to Fit In, mayhaps..!), but i still keep up with haikyuu and given news cuz those are the ones that meant the most to me. beastars always caught my attention but because i’m frankly quite a sheep, i never read it. everyone around me told me it was ‘furry manga’ and i just didn’t care enough to do my own research LOL but here i am now, emotionally bound to legoshi. so much for defeating the furry allegations :(

i loved it btw it was a solid 8/10. there was laughter. a lot of confused laughter, but laughter. my favorite characters are legoshi, louis, and sagwan, although i think i love all of them. except for kyuu idk something about that rabbit pmo.. also completely unrelated but i’m a little scared of rabbits and when haru first showed up i was PETRIFIED. the one thing i hate most about rabbits is their black eyes (oh my god they freak me out) but there she was, standing on two legs, staring at me through my ipad pro screen with no mercy. i was shaking. but whatever i love her now and i think this made me get over my fear. so.. win/win?

i don’t remember all the arc names so i made up my own! i’ll discuss the manga in their respective story arcs and then get deep with the characters.. so i present to you my personal beastars story arcs (the way EYE saw them..)

obviously.. spoiler alert for everything..!

high school arc

this is probably my favorite arc JUST BECAUSE i’m a big sucker for high school stories. right off the bat i fw the drama club HEAVY because i do stagework at my school too! but damn these animals do it so.. difficultly? why are we not preprogramming the lights? why are we hand sewing these costumes? is there any blocking on stage? why isn’t there a stage manager to stop legoshi and bill from almost killing each other? let me loose in this drama club and i’ll have it demolished and rebuilt in 2 hours tops i’d be running it like the mf army. but whatever i guess paru did not care about the accuracy of the drama club which is all right with me (it’s not).

my first impressions of legoshi were so strange. i know he’s not the bad guy but oh my god he’s SO AWKWARD. if i was in this universe (i’ll be saying this a lot) i would for SURE be spreading rumors about the weird wolf man in my drama club that speaks in rhymes and riddles.

i also had no big impressions of any other characters until we get to louis. i thought jack was cool, the drama club kids were cool, and haru looked creepy but i didn’t mind her. but oh my god louis. he was driving me INSANE. i swear for every panel he showed up in i was containing all my anger. i was trying so hard not to lose my shit but this deer got on my nerves SO BAD….. HE for one spoke in rhymes and riddles and i’d be lying if i told you i understand anything of what he said in the high school arc. he got his shit together in the later arcs and got less pompous but in this arc he was losing me. and i was pissed off at him. the only thing i could think about was ‘diva syndrome’. and not in a cute ‘who is THIS diva’ way, in more like a ‘i really want to watch your ego death’ way.

when haru tried to get freaky in the gardening club shed i lowkey was not phased. i feel like in a lot of reviews i read about beastars this was the scene that was turning people off, but i remembered my 2nd grade art teacher showing us zootopia and telling us that rabbits are very sexually active and usually have a lot of kids (why did he tell us this? idk. he got fired). so i was like ‘oh that’s just haru’s instincts!’ but also i guess.. that was kinda weird of her. but after her whole speech about how sex gets rid of the small and powerless feeling she has, we get a better understanding of her actions. though i will say, this was freaky as hell of haru.

now i hate to admit to this (as louis is one of my skrunklies now) but i was CHEERING when he sprained his ankle. i was so happy. i thought he was going to die and i was so happy. but then a new enemy approached — bill the tiger. right off the bat i didn’t trust him. but after finding out that he drank RABBIT’S BLOOD oh it was so over. i was so over him. i was cheering for legoshi when they were fighting but when they brought that shit on stage i was done. i’m a firm believer of keeping things professional at least ON STAGE but these guys had no decorum. sigh.

but this also got me thinking — are the animal limbs/blood being sold in the back alley market kinda like… drugs? i mean, it’s also like cannibalism (but not really..) in a way.. it’s hard to find a parallel for it. but honestly i think it’d be harder not to go to the market than to indulge in those animalistic instincts after all, so i was thinking, ‘is it really fair for me to hate bill’? and the answer was no. at least for me. i mean yeah he drank rabbit’s blood and i (and legoshi) hated him for it, but doesn’t that mean we should also be hating on like 3/4ths of the civilization in beastars? and i sure don’t. and louis says later too but i was thinking, don’t carnivores NEED to eat meat to survive? it’s kinda unfair for them, too. a double edged sword!!!! i was hooked at this point and i decided i wouldn’t hold it against bill but judge his character based on his actions later.

i rate this arc a 9/10. one point off for strange theater etiquette.

louis’s emo phase

this is the emo phase! basically the time frame from when louis was a mafia boss (which is so crazy). let’s talk about that because i didn’t care much about the meteor festival (apart from the fact that haru and legoshi were having some chemistry and juno’s exciting appearance). first off, louis is supposed to be a crazy big heir to a ceo’s throne.. are you telling me he has no image to protect and he can just go on and be a mafia boss to a bunch of carnivores? me personally if my son was acting like that he would never see daylight ever again. also louis was being so emo i get it he’s trying to show them that herbivores aren’t all weak and he found a place where he actually has power but oh my god this was so me in middle school. i sympathized. this was when i started liking louis because i realized that maybe i was hating earlier cuz we’re so alike. louis my son.

it also freaked me out that legoshi was having internal conflicts about whether he likes haru in a romantic way or a predatory way, but it also only makes sense. so i was like yeah checks out! i guess these are the kind of questions you gotta have in the beastars universe. and then we explored more of the back alley market, which answered a shitton of questions i had and freaked me out a whole lot. i also will say now that haru ALSO speaks in rhymes in riddles like louis. do you think they speak in this cryptic way to each other in bed? also hi gouhin! he’s funny and kinda reminded me of my old drum teacher.

when haru got kidnapped by the shishigumi ON SCHOOL GROUNDS (i presumed?) i was shellshocked. first off, is the mafia just allowed to roam around like that?? and there’s no protection around school? yikes!!! and legoshi’s lovestruck/extremely hungry being CHASES AFTER?? wow. legoshi and i are the same age in this arc (17) and let me tell you that if my crush got kidnapped i would stay the fuck out of that. i can’t tell if legoshi is braver or stupider than me. but i respect the grind. #forthehuzz

also when they just took out the mafia boss like that? wow. imagine being a minor and having a murder record like THAT.. jesus christ. anywho he deserved to die i love haru. i loved haru and legoshi’s interactions in the hotel after that; it was sweet but also sad cuz they’re just tryna love… but their instincts won’t let them. atp i was thinking ‘are they really MEANT to love then?’ like if their instincts are going against them. but honestly fuck your animal instincts. and maybe i misread this cuz haru is speaking in code but legoshi makes her happy and vice versa.. maybe the REAL animalistic instinct was the love we found along the way…

and a little segment on juno yayyyy! i personally love all the characters because they all feel so accurately immature in their high school ways. juno is a first year (15/16?) just craving for a cool same-species boyfriend and like.. yeah. i was thinking like that too girl. you can’t blame a girl for trying and you can’t blame a girl for loving! a lot of people seem to find juno annoying (the slander on reddit is insane) but i just think she’s a teenage girl. good for her.

and then they also found out that riz killed tem and fought about it. riz’s backstory was kinda sad but i can’t lie to you i felt only little sympathy towards this bear. what he did was bad and he is a murderer! it seems like all these characters speak in code but this is what i got from riz’s huge monologue: even though he took strength suppressants and took on a “kind bear” persona, it didn’t stop herbivores from being scared of him. tem was the only animal that saw him in a genuinely friendly light, and that affection for tem overwhelmed riz (in a positive way but his instincts won over his logical side (sad face)) and riz ate him. he was also off his pills because taking them made him feel like more of a monster than he actually was. tbh riz was a victim of the system but that doesn’t make him any less of a killer,, but i totally get where he’s coming from. as a person who takes meds, it’s hard not to feel like some twisted thing while you’re taking them (especially if the meds are promised to ‘fix you’). and riz also created a whole twisted narrative in his own head about what happened, blurring the lines of reality and fiction.. but still he killed a dude :/ it sucks

also hold on. i went on a huge spiel about riz but i didn’t even TOUCH on the fact that legoshi went CRAZY after eating LOUIS’S LEG???? like okay damn what the FUCKK. i was laughing at first but then i saw louis’s leg all bandaged up and legoshi all crazy and my smile DROPPED. this was no joke legoshi was going primal. also makes me wonder what stopped legoshi from eating louis whole? maybe he’s just too nice for that.

props to louis for being an amazing mafia boss. it’s the same thing as a ceo anyway but it had me kinda proud of this guy for leading an entire fleet of lions like that. also the shishigumi scared me when they were gonna kill haru but now? they’re kind of a joke. i love them though.

overall this arc gets a 8.2/10. things were unrealistic (high schoolers nerfing a mafia boss) but also they’re all bipedal animals so what the hell. sure. mangione should spare louis.

high school drop out arc

legoshi rightfully decides he’s had enough of this strange education system and drops out of high school! as a person who goes to boarding school though it has me wondering how he did that so easily. whatever they’re animals (what i keep telling myself).

as a 17 year old, if i had to suddenly go fend for myself in Civilization, i would end up back on the doorsteps of cherryton sobbing. but legoshi, as i stated before, is way stronger/stupider than i am, so he did just fine. he got a shitty apartment and made friends. he also trains with gouhin to get over his predatory instincts and learn to love haru and has an acid trip involving a moth which i just filed under ‘typical shounen stuff’ in my head. it was fun but i don’t remember anything from it. also legoshi was bald in either this arc or louis’s emo arc and i liked it but EVERYONE MADE FUN OF HIM. whatever they don’t love you like i do.

they also introduced sagwan, one of my favs! such a wise man. i love him. he’s also so kind to legoshi right off the bat which surprisingly isn’t a common feat. he also opens up the door to sea life, where they believe in a ‘life cycle’ philosophy. life isn’t too precious over there and they’re all reborn. which is cool. they talk a lot about life in this arc and it really makes you think. i might’ve shed a tear during this arc i don’t remember. at around this time though i was thinking, what happened to legoshi’s friends from high school? he doens’t have a cell phone, so does he just.. not talk to them???? i can’t lie i’d be pissed if that were me! like jack was nothing but a good friend but because legoshi is stupid and needs to Find Himself, he just kinda deserts him. but literally don’t even fret because they come back in a couple more chapters. unrelated, but jack also tries to kill himself at one point which had my jaw DROPPED. i guess yeah. dogs are engineered to be a man’s best friend (and for intelligence) which poses a lot of difficulties for them. they’re essentially genetically modified civilians. how creepy. and also his whole dynamic with being friends with his ‘ancestor’ legoshi?? wow. paru itagaki my jaw dropped a little.

and now on to a mini that i like to call…

MINI ARC: homosexual seniors

gosha and yahya!!! i love gosha. what a kind man he is (and his story with his wife had me gasping like i was watching a soap). yahya, on the other hand, i didn’t care too much for. he was interesting, but 1) i couldn’t take him seriously because he is a horse, and 2) he’s a little fucked in the head! his carrot farm, attacking his friend’s grandson, and his strange ways of speaking all turned me off a lot. also is yahya a real herbivore if his carrots are fertilized… like that? what makes him so much better than the other animals?

i thought gosha and yahya were good ‘two sides of the same coin’ kinda deal. also it was pissing me off how yahya was putting gosha down for choosing family. does yahya have loving parents? i’d think not from all this bitterness. also WHY was he trying to beat up legoshi like that? gosha’s better than me because i would’ve cut ties forever.

overall i rate this arc a 6/10. not my fav! i liked it when legoshi was doing slice-of-life stuff with his new adult friends and learning more about the world, but then i was thrown off course by the homosexual horse and shounen training montages and legoshi’s crazy philosophical acid trip with the caterpillar he ate.

melon domination

ta daaaa already the last arc. when legoshi let melon go, i was kinda pissed but i can’t blame him. legoshi spent most of his life KNOWING he was an outsider and not really knowing much about the hybrid life, and now with haru he’s almost promising to a life full of more discrimination and hate. i thought it was normal how he only wanted to connect with someone this affected by the system as his future kid/his mom will be/was, but also come on man. lock in he’s a criminal.

also around this time i saw some arguments online that legoshi shouldn’t have a kid with haru because all hybrids will end up bad like melon. I DISAGREE HEAVILY ACTUALLY… i think melon only turned out this way because of his fucked up home life (strange predatory mother, presumed dead/deadbeat father, bullying at school) and lack of support at school or home. obviously that kind of hostile environment would raise a hostile kid. melon is not only a victim of the system but also a victim of abuse and bullying! i think that if legoshi and haru were to have a kid, that kid would be raised with love (at least in the house). and it’s not like ALL hybrids are evil — leano (legoshi’s mom) wasn’t evil, but she was ostracized by the community leading her to commit. legoshi is technically a hybrid too, but he’s not demonized because you can hardly tell he’s a hybrid. i think melon’s situation is all about his specific environmental factors.. tldr let legoshi and haru do whatever the fuck they want LMAO

legoshi communicating with the shark was SICK. people hate on the shishigumi for trying to kill louis and legoshi but like… they’re mafia! what else are they supposed to do..? lmao

also props to melon for having a phd by the way. you could’ve been dr melon but no you wanted to pursue.. other interests, it seems..!

i’m also extremely confused about why legoshi turned white. who did that to you. he literally got whitewashed.

the carni-herbi war was interesting to learn about (nice job jack) but the whale was SO FUNNY to me i don’t know why. and immediately cutting to yahya talking with said old-ass whale had me cracking up. the whale also had literally nothing to offer it was so underwhelming LMAO paru you lost yourself in the sauce. i respect it girl me too.

MINI ARC: legoshi drafts himself into war

the turf war was really cool. i enjoyed this mini arc a lot it felt a lot like pokemon LMAO

the quiz was cool too! legoshi is very very knowledgeable because he makes an effort to get to know lots of different types of animals. #respect i love this guy.

there’s a lot more that happened in this arc but honestly?! i have nothing to say about it. i thoroughly enjoyed all of it and read it with nail-biting anxiety. 8/10! two points off because of the whale thing. and kyuu oh my god that made 0 sense i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: that whole ‘okay legoshi!’ thing could’ve been ANYONE. it could’ve been louis.

ending

i liked the ending. i see a lot of complaints for it online but i have no qualms! i didn’t expect the world to change so suddenly (of course they’ll build another black market lol what’s a society without some crime?) and i didn’t expect for legoshi and haru to skip away into the sunset and for juno to get with louis and for everyone to make it out alive. it was realistic and the characters were lovably immature and awkward yet wise and open. i respected everyone’s vulnerability and honesty and wrongdoings. honestly this manga will squeeze right in between haikyuu and given in my heart as one of the mangas that i will never stop loving (and will love in secrecy SHH)

i still do have some lingering questions though. have they ever heard of the impossible burger? how the HELL did they evolve like this (i NEED darwin) and are there humans in this world? would it be wrong of me to say that i’m attracted to legoshi? i want to know more about that strange club yahya and legoshi went to. how did melon find time to get a phd and can i read his dissertation? why didn’t gosha just absolutely pummel melon’s dad because i totally would’ve?

beastars, in all of its genius and strangeness, leaves us in the dark a little. but honestly i don’t mind! sometimes endings don’t have to wrap everything up nicely. though i do agree that the writing got a little messy and hard to follow towards the end, i didn’t find too many difficulties while trying to comprehend the main story. i loooved the slice of life chapters (beastrike!) and i truly think all characters are quite dimensional and there’s no true villain (you could argue melon, but i’ll argue that the real villain is… society……). 10/10 series, would totally read again. and this time, i won’t be scared of haru.

#op #beastars #long post and i MEAN IT #essay #legoshi #louis #haru #beastars manga #manga #fish log

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tearitar · 11 days ago

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2024 Annual Fic Review

Guess who's back, baby!! Wrote a lot this year and I'm pretty happy about it. Anyway, I did a write up with the usual questions on my dw page HERE.

Or you can read it below: (where tumblr has shot all my formatting through the head, so dw is preferred)

Destiny (1)

Seven on high - Andal/Cayde-6

Hornblower / Temeraire (1)

Off the Starboard Bow - Archie Kennedy/John Granby

barter

Team Fortress (23)

It’s all sniperspy, unless noted otherwise.

thrifty

All bite

No bark

ARMSTOPPER - Engineer/Spy

Critical Provocation

Happy Hour

hindsight

positive reinforcement

Tell You Everything

Conflict Resolution

Get This Feeling, Feel This Static - Engineer/Medic, Sniper/Spy

Last Stage Fashionalism - rule 63-verse

Part 2

Part 3

Various Ficlets/Prompts:

Gun Maintenance

Fluffy

Domestic

Yuri

hypnotic

ostentatious

Idle

Post comic 7 ficlet

just might come crashing

Top Gun (2)

Been Told

rings around

I’m in the not so unique position of where I wrote at least 4 of the fics at least 75% of the way done 13-15 years ago, which is a huge chunk of words. I would estimate 12k written over a decade ago. The Top Gun fics were leftover WIPS from last year. Minus 20k words in total? So more like 71k. Which. Still a massive amount for me.

Total number of completed stories: 26

Total word count: 91,005

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

I published 1 fic last year and it took all I had in me. But, privately, I wrote a bunch of OC stuff. I definitely blew myself out the water this year. I don’t think I’ve ever had that much output in a loooong time.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

Bruh. Team Fortress 2 after 14 years of moving on. I’m still fervently shipping sniperspy—and I’ve always been a same fraction girlie. Not much has changed with how I think of them but now that I am older and wiser and better at pwp… I know they’re both bottoms. I know it in my heart. I think the me from 14 years ago would be pretty pleased that I can now write decent pwp (or I just don’t care to be self conscious about it anymore).

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

lol, I love all bite to pieces. It was fun to write! Truly joyous. I answered this question on a tumblr meme so here’s the answer:

I was on an absolute mission with that one. Knew what I wanted, from top to bottom. Wrote it VERY fast. I love how it flows; it’s easy to read, easy to understand the dynamic. (At least, for me.) Sniper bottoms. Spy bottoms. They’re both extremely clear with what they want, and aren’t, like, blushy-shy about it. There’s a lot of characterizations I crammed in as well and, tbh, the jokes still make me chuckle. (Awoo, biscuit, and LET’S TEST THIS PUPPY OUT, being the top three.) That fic was all for me, HAHA!!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I wouldn’t say it was a risk… but I feel like I really showed my ass with just might come crashing. I think it’s an indulgent fic, which is not inherently bad, but I wasn’t going to post it. It started as a collection of somewhat melodramatic scenes that I didn’t plan to make cohesive, didn’t make a plot other than “they go up to the mountains and don’t even hang out with each other for the majority of it”. I drew a lot of scenery inspiration from my own mountain trips.

Admittedly, I don’t much like reading “I Love You” confessions in fic, especially during sex. I wanted to play around with what I would consider…. a neat confession, of sorts. Mind you, this is only the tip of the iceberg with that fic.

Oh, and something I learned from all that… I truly believed this was written pretty poorly for an audience (that wasn’t me!). I didn’t think it would get compliments, like, at all. LOL. Imagine my surprise by all the nice things people took the time to say, haha. So thank you to everyone who did take the time.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?

Nah. Just keep chugging along, I guess. I wanna finish foresight, and I wanna write more not-so-sub-but-yeah-he-likes-it!sniper. u_u

My best story of this year

Ooh, a toss up between ARMSTOPPER and hindsight. Unfortunately, my thoughts on hindsight have kinda been tainted by the follow up I’m trying to push though so I think hindsight is a bit of a pain in the ass atm, but ARMSTOPPER also had that same kind of suffering. ARMSTOPPER made me take the biggest victory lap, while I reread hindsight more often just because I do like it a lot.... both of them have Spy suffering so maybe that's the real entertainment for me.

My most popular story

Critical Provocation has a baffling amount of hits to me. Well. Not baffling. But it sure is funny. Thrifty actually has the most kudos as of now, but not by much, and it was written earlier in the year.

Critical Provocation was something I knocked out in, like, two days. Because I saw a funny tumblr shitpost, and also I was determined to write Sniper as a bottom, but not… like… being shy about it? I’m not super into extremely shy-blushy-mewling sexually inexperienced bottoms, especially with Sniper. idk, I think Sniper would really put on a gameface about it. Then I think it’s a really cute narrative payoff when he does break. That’s just my two cents. Anyway critprov was fun to write. I’m glad people enjoy it. perhaps the people also long for confident bottom!sniper..... :/c

Story of mine most under-appreciated, in my opinion

Oughoguh it’s not anyone’s fault but Off the Starboard Bow is another one that I’m super proud of but it combines two very niche Age of Sail fandoms that are quite…………….. quite old. I think it’s nicely written, fun, and true to voice. I miss writing for Temeraire. Granby is also a fun character to write for. Things are always happening to him, all of the time. He should be able to suck dick in peace. Archie also deserves to get his dick sucked. rip archie kennedy you would have loved to be granby's normcore boyfriend.

Most fun story to write

I’ve said this with all bite already so my second choice would be Happy Hour, which I sorta wrote buzzed on martinis and melatonin during an 18 hour flight to South Korea, where I didn’t sleep for 48 hours (had to take a third flight to Jeju). It was the only thing keeping me sane on that wretched plane. I had a woman digging her feet into my thighs so ironically when I do reread the fic, Spy going apeshit on the other spies was just me channeling the same violence, and I think of that unhinged plane lady often.

Editing that fic was wild, let me tell you. There’s so many post-dinner minific parts because I wrote the concept of them on the plane. I wish I saved a screencap of an early draft. Utterly incomprehensible.

Most Sexy Story

Thrifty? I’m not sure on this one. I wrote a lot of oneshot PWPs and all of them have sexy scenes, but I think thrifty hits that spot of having adequate build up throughout the fic, with all the flirting and whatnot, and like.. the payoff sex scene, which I think it is very cute to write sniperspy being super into each other and not so fussy with the physicality of it all (just the emotional). Spy especially putting himself in a less dominant position but still being in control is fun.

Oh. I just remembered gun maintenance as well. Conceptually, that was pretty hot. (gun puns....) Non-explicit build up is what I enjoy writing a lot.

Story with the single sexiest moment

positive reinforcement. Another fic inspired by a tumblr shitpost but

Sniper leaps from his chair, grabbing Spy by the face, thumb and forefinger circling over Spy’s mouth to shut him up. Spy jumps, surprised into reaching for Sniper’s wrists, but it’s been a while since Sniper touched him, and the burning stare is enough to make him freeze in place. Sniper gives Spy’s face a little shake for emphasis. He leans down, fingers digging into Spy’s skin through the mask. “Then. Figure. It. Out.”

lol. I love sub!sniper with all my heart but in those moments when I write him calling the shots, I do have fun with twisting the dom/sub dynamic around. I mean, what’s cuter than teaching your normally calculating attack dog the command to “go feral” on you? :’)

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story

Nah. All my fics are in the category of “I’m Not Surprised”. hindsight, in fact, was such a ME fic to write. No one should have been surprised about me writing this kind of time travel fic.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters

LMAO, I GUESS THE FIRST TF2 FIC I WROTE AFTER 14 YEARS? barter? I wrote it, got a bit dissatisfied with falling into “oh spy of course gets on his knees and sucks sniper's dick” trope and so I was like… I’m gonna turn the dom/sub dynamic around a bit. and wrote it twice?????? i don't claim to be reasonable. but i think i did make it clear that Spy was running the show the entire time.

Hardest story to write

ARMSTOPPER TOOK ME 14 YEARS TO PUBLISH. Prior to this year, I had not open the document since 2015 but the creation date was 2010. That file has survived three computer changes, all my years of uni, 10 years into my career. that's my teen child. i can get it a drivers permit.

On a more serious note, ARMSTOPPER’s unfinished state was due to a lot of high expectations from myself at the time, combined with me just drifting away from TF2 around 2015. I got into other fandoms! I also wasn’t a deft enough writer to fully pull off with what I thought I had to write. ARMSTOPPER was supposed to be long and plotty with a sex scene, confession, and courting. And I didn’t know how I wanted to end it at the time. And so it languished!

Years later, I opened it back up again and thought what I had written was still good. I’m not sure if it’s really noticeable, but there’s a distinct shift in writing in the middle of the fic where I simply continued where the early 20s me left off. I think towards the later half, it’s just a bit snappier and the narrative humor is sliiiightly different but I think I was able to emulate my older style of writing, which is a wild thing to say, haha.

I also had to pull out an unbelievable amount of meme jokes from the fic. There is a “Deal With It” falling sunglasses meme gesture Spy does at the very beginning and in my heart of hearts I knew I could not totally rewrite over it.

Most disappointing

(puts my hand on ur shoulder) Those Aren’t Posted.

But!! Honorable mention goes to rings around — where I forgot to write an entire scene (THE ENDING I PLANNED?!?) and posted the fic, panicked, and had to, at great speed, write that missing scene in. WHICH IS WAY THERE WAS A WEIRD TIME SHIFT EPILOGUE AOUGHGOGH MY GODDDDDDD. I wrote a different ending (with Carole), which I did not initially plan because I completely forgot my original ending (with Ice). Incredible work, by me. What a blunder. Other than that, I very much like rings around. It deals with my favorite time travel themes of guilt, longing, and a character looking into their future and just simply hating it because they end up being happy, LOL.

Easiest story to write

Critical Provocation. I saw the shitpost “griping and complaining on it” and a demon possessed me. I slapped that one down quick since I was looking for any excuse to write bottom!Sniper being on the inexperienced side but totally up for it. Wrote out the banter I wanted (WHICH SOME ENDED CUT, THEY WOULDN’T SHUT UP ENOUGH TO GET THEIR DICKS OUT..), and then the rest fell into place, thank god. It was a very Point A to Point B type of writing experience.

Fun bonus fact: I have mulled over a pillow-princess!Sniper follow up but I genuinely think I’d write it in such a way where it’d be more like restraint kink than being pampered. Idk, imagine they attempted it and found it lacking.

Biggest surprise

Bruh. TF2. all of them.

But, more seriously just might all come crashing, which I will get more into in the next question. I’m not surprised I wrote it, I’m just surprised I published it since I tend to not post stuff I find embarrassing, lol. That fic was really supposed to be for my own practice and entertainment.

So… what I mean to say is…… JMCC was written …… from the heart and … (grits teeth) very sincerely. Not that my other fics aren't sincere but. Like. This one was….. hrm …this was written with genuine affection and earnestness for the ship. And I truly didn't care to put in any more than what I wanted (hence the gaps). I don't think it's very polished, and the pacing is something I did not focus on. I’m a pretty confident writer, so to put something out there where I’m kinda like “lol, that was meant for me to read myself, not for others” is… eh. Kinda revealing, I guess.

Most unintentionally telling story

Right. Here we go. I’m gonna yap at length about just might come crashing. Because I feel like it’s a bit different from the other tf2 fics I put out there. Like I need to justify myself, lol.

I put a lot of boring themes in that one. Career burnout. Now’s-not-the-right-time romance. His-Happiness-Over-Yours. The importance of time away from something or someone you love (a job, a partner). Being perceived in what you think is the most cringiest way possible (gee..). I love dynamics that play with mutual attraction/awareness of feelings, but both participants actively choose to not go forward for whatever reason. It’s emotional purgatory, and that’s fun to me.

It’s my ideal, self-indulgent version of sniperspy; love as a responsibility you're taking on. Love being a cold little cabin you are caging yourself in, with all these monitors and trackers you aren't using. The one time you do, there's a huge truth being blurted out that you can't beny but you're also not surprised by it. And the only surprise Spy feels is his own deep, unrelenting happiness. He disassociates, compartmentalizes, because he knows he’ll choke on it.

All this, and he still lets Sniper go out for days, freely, despite being lonely, because Spy knows Sniper will come tapping against his window eventually. Sniper is an independent spirit, but he also knows the lengths Spy has gone, and that's also daunting—being invested in someone's happiness that might not be in line with your own. I think, in the end, they are two fundamentally different people that just happened to cross paths due to circumstance. If early on they had met other people more compatible.. I mean. I don't think they're each others' first choices. They both know it.

This isn't even addressing the mercenary careers they both have, and there's a high chance either one of them will find the other dead in a ditch eventually (in THEIR minds, at present). To them, being in love is a burden you take on so you make damn well sure it's worth it.

Then, I suppose after all the mutual pining’s been addressed, they’d deal with it in their typical mercenary way, by being absolutely ruthless with it. For them, being in love is a job, one you can also burnout of. These are two people who take joy, pride, and satisfaction from their careers. They are going to care a whole lot. So, you know, other than that being a completely deranged way of thinking, that’s just their take.

(I touch on this in hindsight, the time travel fic when Spy is having a moment and thinks about the work and effort of a relationship.)

Don’t get me wrong, JMCC is a hopeful romantic fic—but there’s a tragic undercurrent to it, lol. I don’t resolve the career burnout. I don’t have them confess directly. They don’t talk about it. I don’t go into the UFOs. I don’t even write an explicit sex scene. They don’t even see each other for the majority of their two weeks in the mountains. At the end, Spy comments on Sniper being intentionally hurtful. Is it mutual? Yes, it is.

Fourteen years ago I wrote all that matters, which I belatedly realize was kinda the prototype for this, the first iteration of that underlying sadness and the work that goes into maintaining a relationship. There's a bookmark comment on it by nik_knak, "Maybe it's just me, but I myself find it rather depressing, even in the end." Haha, they've nailed it even before I did. Funnily enough, it’s also from Spy’s POV; love as extra work you’re willing to take, and you’re just lucky to have that other person return it, and that you might be happy doing it.

So, yeah. That was a telling fic. The most unintentional part of it was me revealing that Spy is my little meow meow. My sweetie pie. My silly pookie. My dipshit clown dolly I like to continuously waterboard in an iced tub just to see him suffer while I put Sniper into the woodchipper but give him a nice mug of hot chocolate afterwards.

Story I’d like to revise

Brother, once them fics are up I don’t touch them. Unless to fix typos or sentence structure.

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear

This will get me blacklisted but I think about a BLU Spy/BLU Scout with RED Spy/RED Sniper comedy hour fake dating situation a lot. Wherein BLU Scout attempts psychological warfare with his sperm donor, R!Spy, by pretending to date B!Spy, who goes along with it because it would be so fucking funny. R!Spy sees through their plan and doubles down, ALSO pretends that he’s SO HAPPY his SON has FOUND a GOOD GUY to DATE and he hOPeS THEy aRE soOoOoO hapPY tOGeTHer.

In the meanwhile, R!Sniper proceeds to reconsider his life choices. Relationships go down the pisser. RED and BLU teams implode. All because B!Scout and B!Spy are fucking and committed to the bit.

And that’ll be the fic.

Closing statements:

Never delete your WIPs. Never say die. If you're not feeling it, put it away. Maybe in 10 years you'll come back to writing and it'll be fun again. Maybe you'll love tf2 again.

Anyway. What a nutty year. I hope to continue the trend! I've got a few more fun sniperspy pwps to finish so I'm actually hoping the first fic for the New Year is either Sniper shaving Spy or being in a maid dress. Who could say. The man contains multitudes.

#you can absolutely see me get unhinged about sniperspy towards the end #typans #annual fic meme

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