#lol nekko

[jedidruid]

Cal:

[goosewriting]

Across the Galaxy and Beyond

summary: some time after the Mantis crew split apart, Cal has an unexpected reunion with reader on Koboh

relationship: Cal Kestis x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for Jedi Survivor, vague-ish mention of events from the Battle Scars book but i don't think it counts as a spoiler, hurt & comfort, flashbacks, kissing

word count: 8.9k 👀💧 ...i am unwell about this man what can i say

A/N: started writing this when i first started jedi survivor, and finally got around to finishing it now that i finished reading battle scars and the cal kestis brainworms are attacking me again. story doesn't follow the game exactly. also this could be read as a separate story from my wherever you go, i go trilogy, but i like to think it's the same reader and timeline lol so go read that if you haven't c:

Navigation: Part 1 (you’re here!) | Part 2 (wip)

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — — Part 1: Just like old times

After Cal's escape from Coruscant, the Mantis was pretty shredded. The main problem was the gyro, but upon entering Koboh's atmosphere, all systems started failing and the Jedi had to make an emergency landing somewhere on some cliffs. 

It took a lot of climbing and wall-jumping and fighting the aggressive local fauna, but after a couple of hours, Cal and BD finally made it to the outpost where Greez' cantina was located. On the way there he also encountered bandits who called themselves the Bedlam Raiders, as well as old Separatists battleships and battle droids, of all things. Just what has Greez got himself into?, Cal thinks to himself after saving a local from Rayvis, the leader of the Raiders, and outing himself as a Jedi in the process.

When Cal and BD finally enter Pyloon's Saloon, they meet with Greez. Since the Raiders have just been at the saloon (and the place doesn't look all too inviting either), there are no customers, so Cal and Greez catch up at the bar. The Latero is extremely happy to see the boy and his droid in one piece after all this time. Over a drink, the redhead tells him about the last job on Coruscant gone wrong, how only two of them made it out. He expresses his frustration, how the Empire is only growing stronger and everything he does feels pointless. Things haven't been easy since the Mantis crew split up. 

After catching up a little, Greez tells Cal that he has some spare parts and will take care of the ship. He'll send someone to bring the ship to the landing dock behind the saloon. In the meantime, he should take a breather and explore the outpost. Cal doesn't like feeling like he's wasting time, but with the state the Mantis is in, there really isn't much else he can do. 

The Latero shows him the room in the basement, telling Cal he can stay as long as he needs. Greez wasn't kidding when he said he had a room just for Cal: there was a meditation area in the middle of the round room, and even his old clothes and some unfinished tech projects were all stashed away in a big chest. 

They both sit down on the edge of the bed, and it doesn't take long for the conversation to take a direction Cal doesn't like. Not because what Greez is saying is wrong; on the contrary, he's probably right, but the redhead doesn't want to hear it. Not right now. Greez, in a genuinely concerned tone, goes on about how the game is rigged and Cal should walk away while he can, maybe even settle down somewhere. Cal lashes out for a moment, claiming someone has to keep fighting.

— — —

You approach the stable in the outpost riding on your nekko, humming a happy tune to yourself. You're lost in thought, letting your trusty mount walk the last stretch to the stalls by himself, as he knew the way. Once you reach the structure, you get off and start putting away your haul; you just came from a successful hunt. You'd skin and prepare everything later though, so you pack the preys away in special boxes where everything would be preserved for a couple of days. 

“Hello master,” a robotic yet chirpy voice greets you. 

You turn around with a smile, facing the Separatist battle droid you had found and reprogrammed to help you out at the stable.

“Hey there, Connor,” you greet back. You've told him several times not to call you that, but he insisted, saying you saved him and now his purpose was to serve you. You take a moment to inspect his blue and black markings that have started chipping more noticeably; maybe it's time for a new paint job.

“Did I miss anything while I was gone?” you ask, taking the saddle off your nekko and placing it onto the designated wooden beam. 

“Yes, in fact,” Connor replies, placing new food and clean water in the trough. “There's a ship on the landing pad behind the saloon that I've never seen before.”

“Is that so? What kinda ship?” 

“A modified S-161 Stinger, and it's pretty busted up. I'm surprised it even made it this far.”

You stop in your tracks, your grip tightening around the halter you just took off the nekko, which is now happily munching away on its fresh feed.

“Interesting,” you remark, putting the rest of the equipment away and turning around to face the droid. Since you spent most of the day down in some caves, you didn't see or hear anything. “Do you know who was on board?”

“I didn't see who came off the ship, but I overheard some prospectors talk about a newcomer that went one on one with Rayvis,” Connor comments, then leans in closer to you, looking around as if to make sure no one would be listening in on your conversations, when it's clearly just the two of you at the stable. “I also heard Turgle mentioning a Jedi being seen around here.”

“Huh,” is all you manage to say, feeling your heart pounding in your chest. There was no way he was here, right? After all this time? As far as you know, he doesn't even know you're here. So if it is him, he isn't here to see you, but Greez instead. It's probably because of the Mantis; Cal is in need of repairs. This thought immediately replaces the initial anticipation with a strange, cold feeling. 

“Can you believe it?” Connor goes on. “I've never even seen a Jedi. I would love to meet them.”

You take a long look at the droid, remembering the state you had found him in. He had never been in the war, actually. He spent several years in an abandoned Separatist camp, never even getting to be activated. So he only knew his programming: serve the Separatists, fight the clones and kill the Jedi. Yet he had never lived any of it. Reprogramming him had been easy in that regard, as his memory banks were mostly blank. Back then you were looking for a droid companion to help you out at the stables, and even though you know what battle droids mean to the Jedi, you can't help but think that they are kinda cute. The B1 models, at least. The B2 series and commandos are pretty scary. 

So you gave your new friend a name (you couldn't decide between Hank and Connor, but decided to go with the latter as it somehow suited his demeanour better) and a new purpose in life, and he seems content with that. The only fighting program you left in him is for defending the stable and nekkos. First and foremost it is his mission that they are not harmed. You also ordered him not to leave the outpost, for his own safety. You don't want the raiders to find him and get access to his memory bank. They would use the information against all of you at the outpost, and either scrap him or reprogram him to join the raiders. Once they were dealt with, however, you promised Connor you would take him around Koboh first, then show him the galaxy. 

“I'm going to the saloon,” you announce. “Can you take care of the rest?” 

“Roger roger!” Connor replies with a salute, getting to work. 

You find yourself smoothing out your clothes and hair as you make the short trip to the saloon. When you reach the bar you're met with Monk, the witty bartender droid. He greets you with a happy tone and some strange phrase that you don't entirely understand, as he always does. You ask for Greez, and he points towards the door to the side, saying he's in the basement with some old friend of his that just dropped by.

With a gulp and a forced smile, you thank him and head down the stairs. The urge to turn on your heel and run away grows with every step. As you're about to reach the door, you hear voices coming from the other side.

“-to be something more than a lightsaber.” That's Greez, you think. He sounds… sad? “Think of yourself. Settle down, find a home.”

“What home, Greez?” You swear your heart actually stops beating and accelerates at the same time when you hear the voice, his voice. “There is no home. Home was the Order. It was my teacher.”

You've stopped a couple steps away from the door so it wouldn't open and have you interrupt the conversation, but you involuntarily lean forward to hear better what Cal says next.

“It was everyone I lost… Home was the Mantis with you, Cere, Merrin, and–”

The automatic door whooshes open and Cal and Greez turn their heads towards you as they stand up from the bed they were sitting on. 

“I- I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sheepishly state after a moment of uncomfortable silence from everyone, approaching him but staying at a distance. “Hey, Cal. It's been a while.”

“Yeah, it has,” he retorts, and you can't really read the tone of his voice. 

You look each other up and down, taking in how different you both look since… Since the last time you saw each other. Since you split up. 

A thousand thoughts go through your head, and a thousand different feelings resurface, making your heart tighten in your chest, like there isn't enough space for everything it's trying to process.

Greez can't take the tension anymore, so he clears his throat loudly.

“Lemme show you something, Cal,” the Latero says as he walks towards a panel on the far side of the room. He presses a couple of buttons and a section of the wall slides open with a creak, revealing a path behind it. “This is an old smuggler's tunnel, you'll find spare parts in there. Just… be careful, I have a pest problem.”

With that, Greez walks by both of you, giving your arm an encouraging pat, before leaving the room. It's just you and Cal now.

“Spare parts?” you ask, trying to make some conversation. “For the Mantis, I take it?”

“Yeah,” Cal replies, looking at the tunnel entrance but not moving from where he stands. “Gyro's fried.”

You two stand there in silence, and you want to smack yourself in the face. You feel like an awkward 12-year-old all over again, not knowing how to talk to your cr– You stop your train of thought before you dare finish that sentence and potentially embarrass yourself further. The heat on your cheeks that refuses to leave your face since you've laid eyes on the Jedi can't possibly have gone unnoticed by him.

“You know, Greez has had this room set up for you for quite a while,” you tell Cal, shooting him a quick smile. “So I take it you'll be staying for a while, right? The Mantis isn't going anywhere.”

Cal shrugs and shoots you a quick, unsure glance, then casts his eyes back down, scratching the back of his neck. 

“I was just about to head out,” you lie. Your plan for the evening was to have a drink at the bar and unwind, but him being here changes everything. “You could join me and I'll show you around if you'd like…”

Cal looks at the tunnel again, weighing the options in his mind. One is going down there to fix the Mantis as soon as possible, then taking off to who knows where. The other… you're not so sure. And if you're being honest with yourself, you're too scared to ask.

“Sure, why not,” he finally agrees with a sigh and starts walking towards the door that directly leads outside from the basement, but you feel like something, or rather someone, is missing. You look around the room, scanning your surroundings for a certain droid, then turn back to Cal.

“W-Where's BD?” you ask, fearing the worst. You'd really hate it if something happened to him.

“Oh, he wandered off somewhere earlier,” Cal says and you release a breath of relief. After calling for him, the little droid comes hopping down the stairs and into the room.

“BD!” you greet the little companion, and he excitedly beeps at your reunion. He comes running towards you and you pick him up in a hug.

“Oh, how I've missed you,” you spin him around a couple of times, then set him back down onto the floor. “I have a droid of my own now, but you're still the cutest. Don't tell him, though,” you add with a wink. 

“You have a droid?” Cal asks as BD climbs onto his back and you all make your way out.

“Yeah, he helps me out at the stable,” you explain, pointing at the building as you reach the end of the stairs. The stable is practically behind the saloon. From these stairs it's a very short trek to reach the paddocks.

“Those are nekkos, right?” Cal questions, approaching the fence and looking at the two animals chilling in the sun. “I met Mosey earlier. She said she worked at the stable,” he turns around to look at you. “But she didn't mention you.”

You're about to retort by saying she couldn't have possibly known that you two knew each other, but you're interrupted by a chirpy voice.

“Master! You're back already?” 

At the sound of the familiar robotic voice, Cal instinctively draws his lightsaber, and turns towards the side entrance to the stable. You hurry to get between your droid and the Jedi; you don't want to see Connor get sliced today. Not by him. Said droid peeks out from behind the archway, and BD beeps repeatedly, alarmed. 

“Wait!” you exclaim, holding your hands up into the air defensively. “That's my droid!” 

“Your- Your droid?” Cal repeats, clearly confused. He puts away his weapon nonetheless.

“He's reprogrammed, and he's never even been in the war,” you explain, walking backwards as Cal starts approaching the stable to inspect the battle droid further, with you still between them. “He was never even activated. He's good, I promise!” 

“Master, who's this?” Connor asks, walking back into the stable to make room for Cal and you. “Is he bothering you?” The droid activates the blaster you had built into one of his arms, and Cal's hand goes to the hilt of his sabre again, while BD beeps in exasperation. 

“No, stand down!” you order, and the blaster immediately turns off with a whirr. “Will everyone please calm down?”

Still standing between Cal and the battle droid, you let out a huff, looking from one to the other. 

“Cal, BD; this is Connor, my droid,” you start introducing them. “My good and reprogrammed droid, whose mission is to protect the stable and the nekkos, nothing more.”

Cal seems unimpressed, still looking at Connor with narrowed eyes. You turn to the droid.

“Connor; these are Cal and BD,” you start. “And you know what? Cal here–” You look at Connor with raised brows and lower your voice. “–is a Jedi.”

Connor brings his hands up to where his mouth would be, gasping in surprise. 

“You- You are?” he asks, quickly going around you to take Cal's hand and shaking it vigorously. “It's such an honour! I've always wanted to meet a Jedi!”

“So you could get up all close and stab me in the back?” Cal retorts, his voice laced with uncharacteristic venom, and pulls his hand from the droid's grasp.

“What? No, I–” Connor starts but you push him to the side a bit.

“It's okay, Connor. He'll warm up to you, eventually,” you comfort him. “Please go get the nekkos ready for us?” 

You've never heard a sadder 'roger roger' in your life and it sends a sting of pain through your chest. 

While the droid goes to prepare your mounts, you turn around to Cal and frown at him. He crosses his arms in front of his chest defensively. 

“Why would you say something like that? He's genuinely excited to meet you,” you explain. “When was the last time someone was actually happy to see a Jedi, hm?”

“Not a battle droid, that's for sure,” Cal retorts with a huff. 

You look up at him for a moment, holding his rather cold gaze. You wonder just what happened these past few years that had him like this. Sure, you understand why he isn't a fan of battle droids. Normally you aren't either. But there's just something about Cal that's… different. He looks older, but it might just be the beard. He also looks more tired, carries himself differently. With confidence like he always did, but also in a “don't mess with me” way that wasn't there before. Gone is the spark in his eyes, that glimmer of optimism and hope, replaced by the promise of not holding back if anyone were to cross him. 

For several moments, you just look at each other, and you're sure he's analysing you just as you are him, and you wonder what is going through his head. 

“The nekkos are ready,” Connor announces, leading both of them out of their respective stalls by the reins. 

You allow the animals to sniff Cal and inspect him, while you give a short explanation on how to ride and guide them. Cal's mount is white with a dark face and legs, while yours is a dark purple and brown. After thanking Connor and waving him goodbye, you both hop onto the saddle and head out of the outpost. You know your way around, taking a route that would keep you hidden from the patrols, both the imperial ones as well as the raiders. You'd much rather deal with the local fauna. And you do come across a couple of rawkas at the river, and a pack of gorgers when heading further up the Southern Reach. But you two make quick work of them.

In fact, Cal has grown stronger, and not only that, but he also has a new array of weapons it seems; now he double-wields his lightsabers, and he also has a blaster, which completely takes you by surprise. 

Once you reach the base of the big silo, you get off your nekkos and climb the rest by foot, getting on top of the structure and sitting at the edge. It's not a super well-hidden spot; if the patrols under you decide to look up they would definitely see you, but it's a good vantage point to show Cal the different places. You point towards the landmarks, explaining them to him so he can orient himself and navigate beyond the outpost. You tell him about the caverns, the mines, to look out for different patrols and what areas to avoid; be it because of the raiders, like fort Kha'lin, or because of bigger fauna like bilemaws, goroccos and mogus. Especially mogus. They are fierce.

Once you're done with your explanation, you lean back onto your hands with a sigh. Cal attentively listened to everything, but he doesn't seem interested in keeping the conversation going, as he hasn't said anything.

He's looking out, scanning this corner of Koboh as far as he could see from here, taking in the view and probably trying to commit to memory everything you've said. You look at him from the corner of your eyes, your gaze falling onto the holster on his hip.

“So,” you try starting the conversation again. “You now double-wield and you have a blaster. Which, by the way, is pretty uncharacteristic for a Jedi, no?”

“A lot has changed, I guess,” is all you get out of him.

“Do you have any other new tricks?” you ask, and the memory of him re-discovering his Master's lessons after his escape from Bracca comes back to you, making you smile fondly to yourself for a moment. 

“Hmm,” Cal thinks aloud, also leaning back and finally tearing his eyes from the landscape to look at you. “There aren't any new Force-tricks, if that's what you mean. But I do have this.”

He brings one of his arms up, showing you the contraption on his brace.

“Grappling hook. Comes in pretty handy,” he explains, showing you some of the mechanisms. Your hands reach up to gently hold his wrist, so you can inspect the device better, and you could have sworn you heard his breath hitch at the contact. At that moment, you realise that's the first physical interaction you've had since he arrived, and you quickly let go. 

“We should head back,” you say as you stand up, dusting off your legs. “It will get dark soon, plus you must be hungry. I know I am.”

“Yeah, I could eat,” Cal replies, getting up to his feet as well, and BD beeps in agreement.

Cal climbs down the silo first, while you scan the area one last time for any patrols. When it's your turn, just as you're almost at the base of the rather unstable ladder, your foot slips and you lose your balance. You hold onto the next best thing, which happens to be Cal. Seeing you're about to fall, his arm reaches around you and he pulls you towards him while with the other hand he tightly holds onto the railing that goes along the walls of the structure. 

“You okay?” he asks, and when you look up at him this time, you're finally met with a pair of eyes that you recognise. There's concern in his gaze but also a certain warmth, amused at how you were a fierce warrior yet managed to be clumsy in small things like these. He found it cute, which you knew for a fact because he would tell you often, back then…

“Y-Yeah, thanks,” you mutter, separating yourself from him now that you're back safe on the ground. Feeling the heat spreading on your face, you can't help a sheepish smile. “Guess some things never change, heh.”

“Guess not,” Cal says with a small smile of his own, and your chest tightens at the sight. 

The ride back to the Outpost is silent, and you wonder if his body is also reacting as strongly as yours; ever since slipping, your skin feels like it's tingling, and your heart hasn't calmed down in the slightest. 

Once you're back at the stable and the nekkos have been taken care of, Connor mentions that Greez left some food for you, and hands you several small containers wrapped with a cloth. 

“You wanna eat at my place?” you find yourself asking Cal, who's scratching behind the nekko's ear. He turns around to you with raised eyebrows in what you assume to be a surprised expression, but he's quick to relax his face back to normal. 

“I have a room behind Doma's shop,” you explain, holding up the food in your hands and you gesture to it with your chin. “And Greez knows this is far too much food for myself.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Cal replies, calling BD back to him, who was scanning some stable equipment. “Let me help you with that.”

Cal takes the food off your hands, and you say your goodbyes to Connor, who stays at the stable. It's a quick trip past the saloon's entrance into Doma's shop. She's behind the counter organising some of her merchandise, and returns your “hello” from afar without looking. Only when she hears Cal's greeting does she turn around. She shoots you a look and you know exactly what she means, heat prickling again at your cheeks. You give a curt shake of your head, quickening the pace to evade Doma's questioning, heading for the door at the back that leads to the place you have been calling home for the last year. 

It isn't much, but it makes do: one big room, that's both kitchen and a living space, with two doors at the far side that lead to a small bedroom and the refresher. The main room is decorated, you like to think it's warm, cosy and inviting. You even managed to thrift an old couch somewhere, refurbished it yourself, and it now essentially serves as the centrepiece of the room. There are several rugs on the floor, as well as piles of pelts and leather in the corner that you still have to finish working on so you could sell them. These days that's your main source of income.

Cal stands at the door for a moment, taking everything in, and you suddenly feel very self-conscious. The space is clean, but the fact that you can't read his face makes you a little nervous. To distract yourself, you take the food from him, bringing it to the kitchen counter.

“I think the food is still warm,” you say as you start opening the containers, the delicious smell filling both your noses. “Do you mind setting the table?”

Cal and you make quick work of getting everything plated and grabbing some drinks, then sitting down in front of each other at the wooden table to eat. You make some light conversation between bites, catching each other up on what has been going on in your lives recently. He tells you about some of the missions he's been on ever since the Mantis crew split up, and you tell him of your own solo adventures before you came to Koboh. 

When the plates are empty, your bellies full, and the conversation is about to die down, you ask if you can check out Cal's lightsabre. He unclips it from his belt to hand it to you, and you catch yourself being relieved at the fact he still trusts you enough to just give his sacred weapon to you without further inquiry. 

He's changed some parts and the materials, and you hold the device in your hands with the utmost care, admiring the beautiful design and intricate markings on the wooden accents. Rather suddenly, a feeling of regret and shame spreads out in your chest, thinking about how not only this sabre but also Cal himself went through so many changes, and you hadn't been there for any of it. There's so much you want to tell him, about how sad you are that you weren't there for him, about how sorry you are with the way you left, about how you've been thinking of and missing him every single day. But telling him that wouldn't be fair. You have no right to be selfish like that.

“So what exactly happened that got the Mantis in such a state?” you decide to ask instead, reaching the lightsabre over the table to give it back. Cal takes it with a deep sigh, putting it back to his belt, feeling immediately comforted by its familiar weight. 

“A job on Coruscant that went… wrong,” he starts, telling you how his team was gathering intel for Saw Guerrera, and it had all worked out until the very last moment, where everything went wrong, and he lost his whole crew in an instant. Only him and another person made it out of there. In fact, one of his crew members saved his life by pushing him out of the way and taking the blaster shot herself instead. 

You listen intently, and your heart grows heavier by the second; you can hear the frustration in his voice, the voice of a man who's this close to giving up entirely, because he's just so tired, but he can't. He won't. You know Cal took it upon himself to fight the Empire by himself if he has to. A trait you genuinely admire but also despise. After all, that was one of the reasons you left.

Then he mentions the Ninth Sister, and your attention is fully back to what he's saying. 

“I tried to get through to her, I really did,” Cal says, his voice cracking for a second. “But she wouldn't let up. I had no choice.”

“Did you…?” you ask carefully.

“I killed her,” he says matter-of-factly, but you can tell it's been eating away at him.

“I'm so sorry, Cal,” you offer, reaching across the table and placing your hand on his. “That couldn't have been easy. I'm sorry you had to go through that.”

He doesn't meet your eyes, his gaze fixed on his half empty cup instead, watching the drops of condensation slowly fall along the outside of the glass onto the table, staining the wood. But he doesn't pull away either, so you give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“You look exhausted,” you finally tell him, and he lets out a breath through his nose, as if saying 'you have no idea'. You offer for him to take a shower here instead of at the saloon before heading back, telling him yours is nicer, to which he chuckles lightly, and he accepts. 

He insists you take a shower first while he takes care of the dishes, so you do just that. Once you're out, it's his turn. You hand him a towel and a change of clean clothes, and you can tell he wonders why you have them in his size, until he realises that they're actually his. It's an old shirt and lounge pants that you would always steal from him and had apparently taken with you. He doesn't comment on it though, instead he simply stares at the clothes in his hand for maybe a second too long, deep in thought. Then he blinks a couple of times, as if he just came back from zoning out, gives you a short 'thanks' and gets into the shower. 

While he cleans up, you take a seat on the couch, pulling up the novel you're currently reading on your holopad. Only now that you're sitting with your legs stretched out along the length of the cushions do you realise how tired you are, both physically and emotionally. Out of everything you could have thought would happen today, meeting Cal was certainly not on the list. Still, you can't deny that you're happy to see him. For starters, he's still alive. And you've missed him, much more than you care to admit to yourself. 

After reading the same sentence of your book over and over, failing to focus, you sigh and look at BD instead, who hops onto the coffee table and tilts his head at you with an inquiring beep. 

“Has he been taking care of himself?” you ask the droid, pointing over your shoulder in the direction of the refresher, where you can hear the water running.

BD lets out a sequence of beeps and boops, and you narrow your eyes at him for a moment. 'He keeps himself busy' he said. Is he dodging your question?

“Is that so,” you reply with a hum, and BD shoots the question right back at you. You're a bit surprised at his concern, and for a moment you consider opening up to the little droid, but you hear the water turn off, so you bring your attention back to your book again instead, trying your darndest to focus on what's happening in the story. The washroom door opens with a whoosh.

“Where should I put the towel?” Cal asks, still standing at the door frame. 

“Just put it in the hamper underneath the sink,” you reply over your shoulder, and in the corner of your eye you can see BD still looking at you, waiting for an answer. Then he tilts his head with an amused boop; he's got you all figured out. 

“Oh shush you,” you start scolding the little droid, but Cal appears, walking around the couch to sit down. Except that your legs are stretched across it, so you start lifting them off the cushions and intend to bend them at the knee to sit properly, but Cal gently grabs your ankles, lifting them off the couch to sit down, and places them over his lap instead. His hand comes to rest on your shin, and you can feel the warmth he irradiates seep through the fabric of your pants. 

“You looked comfy,” he points out, his hand gently rubbing up and down below your knee, while with his other hand he props up his head against the back of the couch. 

You swallow hard, unable to answer, and bring the datapad up to your face to hide behind it. Why is he being so nice suddenly? Is it because you aren't outside where others could see? Or is it because he realised he still has you wrapped around his finger so he's just teasing you? You're beyond confused at the sudden sign of affection after he's been so distant the whole day, like he hadn't planned on ever seeing you again. And to be quite honest, you deserve the cold treatment. After what you did, the way you left. 

Feeling the sting behind your eyes, knowing what's coming, you shrink further into yourself, holding the holopad even closer to your face to hide it from Cal's view. He can't see your expression from where he's sitting, so he gives a light chuckle, thinking you're just flustered. The sound feels like a dagger in your gut, and you unsuccessfully choke back sob.

Now Cal's face changes completely to one of concern, and he pushes the pad out of the way only to be met with your crying face. 

“Whoa, wait-“ Cal says, and he retrieves his hands, holding them both up in surrender. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I thought we-“

“I'm so sorry, Cal,” you croak, crying freely now, as you let go of the device and it falls onto the floor with a 'clunk'. “I'm so sorry for everything, for what I did. For leaving you alone.” Your hands wipe away at your cheeks in a vain attempt to dry off the tears, but they just keep coming. 

After the crew split up, the Mantis felt unbearably empty. After the failed mission on Hosnian Prime, after saying goodbye to Fret and Irei, who had definitely changed the dynamics of the crew (you still weren't sure if it had been for better or worse), everything felt like it started falling apart. 

The first to leave was Merrin, saying she needed to recentre her fire and find herself again, to be able to draw all the power she now knew she was able to use. 

Then, it was Cere and Greez. The Latero trusted Cal and left his beloved ship in his hands, telling him to look after it until he'd be back. Except everyone knew that he didn't really intend to. The loss of his arm had hit him harder than he wanted to admit, and for Greez it had been the wake-up call needed to “leave the game while you can because it's been rigged since the start”, as he would often say. Cere on the other hand took off with new-found determination. Her and Cal's goals weren't all that different: the endgame was to defeat the Empire, one way or another. However, Cal believed in taking action now, while Cere had her sights set on the future, being able to help those who would come next, long after she and everyone else were gone. She wanted to build a legacy, as the 'Jedi's knowledge was far too valuable to be lost to time and circumstance. 

After everyone was gone, it was just Cal, BD and you. 

The Jedi had become irritable, like he had already convinced himself that you would leave him soon too, as did everyone, apparently. You reassured him to the best of your abilities that you believed in what he stood for and wanted to stay by his side. However, now that you didn't have a whole crew to count on, you had to be more careful than ever.

“We have to be smart about this!” you'd plead, seeing Cal running head-first into danger time and time again. 

When the nightmares became too much, you'd hold him tightly, kissing his tears away as he'd cry out for his master, Tapal.

“You were just a kid!” you had yelled at Cal one time, when what was supposed to be a quick run-down of the plan had become a big argument. “You act as if the whole universe is counting on you and only you to defeat the beast that is the Empire. Do you think that that's your destiny? As dictated by the Force? We've had our share of big, successful missions as a group. Now it's time to back down, Cal. We're just two people, what do you expect we'll achieve here? It's time to move on.”

Needless to say, those words had not calmed Cal down in the slightest. Now he felt just as betrayed by you as he did by the rest. More words were thrown at each other like daggers finally let free after being pushed back for far too long in an attempt to keep some level of normalcy between you two. But there was no going back. So you did what you told him as well: you moved on. That same evening, you packed your things and left. 

Your heart bled and tears kept streaking down your face with every heavy step you took away from the Mantis, but at the time, you didn't know what else to do. You'd never wanted to leave Cal, and you hated yourself for doing this to him and to yourself, but what you had going on was no way to live anymore. Maybe, hopefully, now that you were gone, he would understand that. 

You know it had been a horrible thing to do, especially like that. After years of telling him how you'd follow him to the end of the world. After telling him every day how much you loved him. After promising you'd be there for him. The worst part was that being away from him was far more painful than it was with him. He left a void in your heart that only he could fill. You meant to go looking for him many times, but were too scared. You didn't deserve to have him back. Not after what you did.

But now he's here.

Between cries, you apologise over and over again, saying how what you did wasn't fair, that you wished you had never left and worked it out instead, that you missed him so much it was hard to breathe. 

Cal doesn't answer immediately, and you force your somewhat blurry gaze up to meet his eyes, and you see he's starting to tear up himself. He leans forward, lifting you up and settling you sideways onto his lap, enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug. You hold him just as tightly, crying into his shoulder.

“I'm sorry,” The more you say it, the emptier it feels, but it's all you can manage for now, and you mean it. “I really am.”

“I know,” Cal says, squeezing you a little tighter. “I felt it. When you gave me the clothes earlier.”

You remember the countless nights you've cried yourself to sleep in the very clothes he's now wearing, the times when you missed him so much you felt like your heart would rip its way right out of your chest, muttering your regrets into your pillow, as if it could carry your apology and bring it to Cal somehow. You groan in embarrassment; you always forget that your stuff also carries imprints he can feel.

“I'm so lame,” you mumble and pull back to look at Cal, giving him a weak smile that quickly turns into a grimace again as a new wave of tears come rolling down your cheeks.

“No, you're not,” Cal reassures you, one hand cupping your face and wiping over your cheekbone with his thumb. You lean into his touch with a sniffle.

“I've missed you too,” he finally says, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. “And I'm sorry—” He kisses your cheek. “—for making you feel like you were less important than the missions.” A kiss to the corner of your mouth. “You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I took you for granted.” His lips brush over yours. “Can we try again?”

You close the minimal gap and kiss him hard, like Cal was the air your lungs needed after being underwater for too long. He reciprocates just as intensely, pushing you down onto the couch and climbing on top of you. When he finally breaks the kiss, you're both panting. You run your fingers through his hair as he trails kisses along your jaw, and you giggle at how ticklish his beard feels against your skin; that's a new sensation you'd have to – no scratch that, want to – get used to. Your giggles turn into a low moan as he bites the spot over your collarbone, and when you turn your head to give him better access, you're met with BD still on the coffee table, now sitting comfortably, looking up at you two as if it was the most interesting spectacle in the world. 

A strangled sound of surprise and embarrassment comes from your throat and you push Cal away a bit by his shoulders, to which he raises his head and grumbles in annoyance for interrupting him.

“We have an audience,” you whine, hiding your face behind your hands, and Cal lets out an amused laugh. BD beeps matter-of-factly.

“What do you mean 'don't mind me'?!” You turn to the droid and you swear that if he had a face, he'd be wearing the cockiest of grins right now. 

“Some things really never change, huh,” Cal comments with an amused smile, thinking back to all the times you'd become flustered when you kissed in front of BD, saying it was inappropriate or something. If only you knew that Cal often did it on purpose because he loved seeing your cute, flustered face.

“Unlike this right here,” you point out and bring your hands to his face, stroking over his beard, enjoying the prickly sensation. “This is new.”

“Do you like it?” Cal asks genuinely.

“You know I like your scars,” you say, tracing over the one on his lower lip. “As long as they're not covered up, I think I can get used to it. It does look good on you.”

Cal smiles down at you tenderly and for a few moments, you simply enjoy each other's presence, taking each other in. Making sure that this is real and it's happening, that you're back again. Until you let out a hearty yawn. 

“Let's get to bed before we fall asleep on the couch,” you say, rubbing your face, but stop to look up at Cal, who seems very content with his current position and hasn't moved yet. “You are staying here tonight, right? I mean, if you want to, you don't have to. Greez has the whole room thing for you, so I understand if—“

Cal interrupts your rambling with a quick peck. 

“Yeah, I want to stay,” he assures you and finally stands up, helping you get off the couch. 

“Let's go, BD,” you tell the droid to join you as you take Cal's hand and guide them to the bedroom. 

You climb into bed, BD at your feet as he would always do on the Mantis, and Cal lifts the covers to get in as well but stops for a moment when he sees the holopicture on your night stand. In the small frame he recognises Greez, Cere, Merrin, Cal, BD and you in the cockpit, all grinning at the camera. Smiling to himself, he finally gets into bed, hugging you to him.

“I have the same picture of us on the Mantis,” he says after letting out a content sigh at finding a comfortable position. “Guess we still were connected somehow all this time.”

You hum in response, a bit surprised at the romantic implication, as if you were lovers who found comfort in looking at the same moon even though you were separated. But you like the idea nonetheless, and you agree. 

The warmth both on your skin and spreading in your heart makes quick work of carrying you off to dreamland though, so before you can even give a proper reply, you're fast asleep in Cal's arms.

— — —

The next morning, you wake up to BD's beeping. You groan, turning over to cuddle a little longer, except that the other side of your bed is empty. You blink away the sleepiness in your eyes, and pout at the lack of Jedi in your sheets. Your nose is quick to pick up the scent of freshly brewed caf however, and the grogginess is quickly forgotten as you get out of bed and make your way to the kitchen, where Cal is preparing breakfast. 

After a quick meal and lots of stolen kisses, Cal announces it's time to go check out Greez's smuggler tunnel to find that gyro. 

“Be careful,” is the last thing you tell him before he leaves. 

“Always,” he shoots back at you with a wink and takes off. You playfully roll your eyes at that, thinking back to the countless times on the Mantis you've had to patch him up after a mission inevitably went astray from the original plan.

While Cal is looking for parts for the Mantis, you go back to your own things, checking in on Connor and the nekkos at the stable, as well as preparing some pelts and sewing up your most recent leather project. 

Time goes by fast as you skilfully work the needle and thread through the thick material, finishing the piece after a couple of hours. Setting it aside, you stretch your arms and back with a satisfied grunt. You check to see if your comms are working; they are, but there's no new messages. Strange, you think, Cal sure is taking his time to find that gyro. Is he not back yet? 

Suddenly feeling uneasy by your own thoughts of how he might have got lost in the tunnels, or how he may have encountered trouble down there, you decide to go check with Greez yourself. 

You quickly make your way to the Saloon, going down the stairs that lead to the bar with such speed that when you reach the end and see someone standing there, you bump into them before you can stop yourself. 

“Whoa,” a deep voice exclaims at the impact, and you push yourself away from the man's back you just ran into. He turns around slightly towards you. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, didn't see you there” you reply, regaining your composure and walking around him to get a better look. 

He's not super tall, but he has a strong and broad build. Although you already felt that when you bumped into him and it was like walking into a wall. You give him a quick up-and-down, trying to gauge if he's friend or foe, but you can't quite read him. He narrows his eyes at you ever so slightly, probably doing the same.

“A new face, how rare,” you start, walking over to the bar and leaning on it with one arm. Your other hand finds its way to your hip, where you realise there is no holster or weapon; you mentally reprimand yourself for leaving your staff at the stable. 

“Care for a drink?” asks Monk from behind you. 

“No, I'm looking for someone,” the man says. 

“Of course you are,” Monk replies with sarcasm. You give the bartender droid a nod; you'll take care of this. As he wheels back into the kitchen, you hear him mutter something about how his bar isn't a lost and found counter. Before the stranger can go on however, the doors at the back of the saloon whoosh open.

“Who's this?” asks Greez as he enters the main room.

“I was just about to ask him,” you reply, your eyes still trained on the man.

“I'm looking for Cal Kestis,” the man in question says instead, and your hand on the bar involuntarily curls into a fist.

“Who? Kal Restis?” Greez asks as he approaches him. “We don't know any Kales. Listen, if you're not gonna order something, get out of my saloon.”

“No, not Kale”, the man says, getting slightly exasperated as he repeats the name slower, and Greez keeps getting it wrong on purpose. 

Just as you're about to intervene and send the man away, the entrance doors open and in comes Cal, a soft smile of self-satisfaction on his face. 

“Cal!” The man greets the Jedi. You hear Greez mutter “Oh, this Cal Kestis” under his breath as they clearly recognise each other.  

“I found the gyro,” Cal announces first, throwing a small mechanical part to Greez, who's taken by surprise but still catches it. Then he turns to the intruder with a smile. “You made it!”

“Good to see you, Cal,” he replies, and the two share a friendly handshake.

“Greez Dritus, this is Bode Akuna,” Call starts introductions, telling this Bode your name as well. You merely give him a short nod in acknowledgment as Cal continues. “He was on Coruscant. Wouldn't have made it out alive without his help.”

Oh, that changes things. 

You leave your spot at the bar and drop your rather cold gaze to join the group. Coming to stand next to Cal, you take his hand, and try your best to give Bode a thankful smile. He returns it, quickly catching on. 

“Wait a minute. Another one?” Greez quips, looking behind Cal. You were so focused on Bode, that you hadn't even noticed the strange looking droid that came in with the redhead. “Cal, you have a very bad habit of picking up strays.”

“I am ZN-A4,” the droid introduces herself with an exaggerated bow. The design and material she’s made of is something you’ve never seen before. “Humble servant of the Jedi Order.”

What.

“Oh, I take it you haven't broken the news yet,” Bode says to Cal, who sheepishly shrugs his shoulders. 

Cal then brings everyone up to speed, telling you how when he was in the tunnels with BD, they stumbled upon this old chamber where the droid was stuck, so they freed her. Turns out she's a droid that belonged to a Jedi from the High Republic, of all things. Her master, Sandari, had sent her to activate the so-called forest array (that strange building the other side of the river that doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the scenery; you've always wondered what it was but never found a way to get in). However, Zee, as everyone started calling the droid, is in really bad shape, and she'll never make it that far. She looks dejected as she says that if she fails her mission, then the key to Tanalorr may be lost forever. 

At the mention of the name, Greez chimes in, telling the group that there's an old prospector legend about Tanalorr being a world filled with treasure. But treasure or not, the important part is that it seems to be a real place, one potentially beyond where the Empire can reach: a safe haven. 

Zee is delighted and very thankful that everyone seems on board with her mission, and the group is quick to formulate a plan: while Monk gets her up to speed regarding the state of, well, everything, and she gets some much-needed repairs, Bode and Greez will take care of the Mantis. Meanwhile, Cal, BD and you will go to the forest array to check it out. 

As you're making your way to the stables, you nudge into Cal's side with your elbow.

“You didn't get hurt down there or anything, right? You sure took your time,” you ask him. It did not go unnoticed by you how in Cal's retelling of events, he skilfully left out how he happened to find that mysterious chamber in the first place. 

“The tunnels were pretty old and unstable, but we're okay,” Cal deflects, shooting the droid a quick look. “Right BD?”

BD beeps in response, and you shoot Cal a glare accompanied by a muted gasp, stopping in your tracks.

“You fell through a hole the equivalent of several stories?!” You can't believe this guy. 

“It's fine!” Cal tries to reassure you, bringing his hands up to your shoulders. “I promise, it's nothing a stim didn't already fix. So there’s no need to worry, okay? We have a job to do.”

You sigh in defeat as he places a soft kiss on your forehead. You first cup his face softly, then pinch both his cheeks.

“Just what am I going to do with you, Cal Kestis?” you ask rhetorically, taking his hand into yours and resuming the short trek to where Connor is already waiting and waving at you both. 

Once you're all geared up and hop into the saddle, you tighten the strap of your staff, adjusting its position on your back.

“Just like old times, huh?” you ask at no one in particular, scanning your surroundings and taking in the scenery; it just never gets old. Cal's nekko trots up next to you.

“Just like old times,” he repeats, with that boyish smile you can't get enough of, and the glint of adventure in his eyes. 

Your nekkos take off, and the freckles on his face seem to shine in the sunlight. They form the ever familiar star map that you'd follow time and time again, finding your way back to him. Because from the first time you looked at him, you knew: you'd follow this man across the galaxy and beyond.

— — —

A/N 2: if you understand the droid name reference you get a cookie 🍪

A/N 3: in the book Battle Scars there’s a part where BD tells Cal, and i quote, “Where you go, I go”, and when i tell you that i screamed omg (the first part of my “wherever you go, i go” fic was actually called ‘where’ but i changed it to ‘wherever’ when i added more chapters because to me it sounded better asdsdf) BD-1 and me sharing one brain cell obsessed with Cal fr😌

~~~~~

🐥 taglist: [link to join in my pinned post!] @dybynyght, @galaxtic-writings, @kalea-bane, @soka-writes-things, @padawancat97, @riddikulus-obsessions, @optimisticprime3, @starilicious, @ivelostmyabilitytoeven, @alternatescififandomelover

[colorisbyshe]

Monthly Music October 2024 heheee

Going alphabetically by artist, for funsies

"0" Ado. Chaotic, high energy Japanese track. Probably an acquired taste, lol.

"Whiplash" & "Flowers" Aespa. Experimental kpop. Whiplash absolutely is cunty. I think I rly like "Flowes" because it sounds like an interpolation of "Every Heart" by Boa, particularly the Minnanokimochi Remix. (Yes, the song from Inuyasha.) It's just sooo smooth and pretty and sensual.

"Little Piggy" & "Bird w/o Nest" Alice Longyu Gao. Sometimes, I find her schtick to be a bit... cringy and too much but I think these tracks are a return to form for Alice. A mix of sincerity and false edginess that come together to be more interesting than they should be.

"Super Sick," "Straight," "5th Chakra." Baby Tate. If you like Doechii, check out Baby Tate! Baby Tate is more electronic but both are unabashedly bisexual, have the same sort of swagger, and truly seek to explore their sound and brand with each release. Boundless talent that explodes in every direction, this rapper won't let you down.

"Trampoline" Billlie. Has that chill, mature vibe which kpop has been lacking. It's fresh and well crafted.

"Worst Aint Over Yet" Can't Swim & Microwave. Just some good emo pop punk. It's a million familiar songs in one and it's fun.

"Blind Side Sonny" Coheed and Cambria. If you liked MCR when more cocaine and worse music recording equipment was used but also crave a dash of danger days... THIS is the song for you. The guitar in this song fucks.

"Tounu" Mike Parton. Competent disco-fusion, nothing new but still fun as hell and a great transition track for aspiring DJs.

"UFO" F5ve. The intro kinda pissed me off but it turns into nice girly jpop with a sharp experimental edge that keeps it from being generic.

"Burn" Frost Children & Haru Nemuri. If you haven't moved on from hyperpop OR pop punk or maybe rly enjoyed Ratata by Babymetal & Electric Callboy, give this track a shot.

"Technologique" Harmony. I didn't put the brat remixes on here because I'm a bit tired of talking about Charli but this is... brat... adjacent? Brat at home? Check it out, idk.

"Mascara" King Gnu. More poppy Jrock with some pep in its step! Be sure to also check out their song "Nekko," if you want something more dramatic and cinematic.

Kylie Minogue is back! Highlights from her disco-y dance album are: "Taboo," "Someone For Me," "Good as Gone," "Kiss Bang Bang," and "Dance to The Music." My fave is "Good as Gone."

Cuntier, darker with Gaga back with "Disease." Another return to form, tbh

Megan Thee Stallion's new album is twice as good tbh. The spiritbox collab??? My faves are "Bigger in Texas," "Number One Rule," "TYG," "Fell in Love," He Think I Love Him," and "Like a Freak," with TYG being my fave with "He Think I Love Him" close behind. Shout out to the Like a G6 sample after her free style, too!

"Midnight Oil" Yune Pinku. Beautiful, vibrant vocals over chillwave

And since this post is a day late, here's a track from November First

"What have you done to me?" Imogen Heap. QUEEN OF TRANSCENDENT MUSIC

[d0gg0l0v3r]

Nekko Kenshi Takahashi ‼️‼️‼️ 🤯🤯🤯

JOHNNY MOVE ITS MY TURN TO PLAY WITH KITTY 😡🤬

(lol KT = Kitty. KT = Kenshi Takahashi. KiTty. get it? okay im out) 😀

[happy-mask-lady]

I’m not sure why people r debating Matt’s age range and some people are saying he’s the same age as Benji lol he couldn’t possibly be.

They’re probably confused by the fact that it says they’re “friends”, but he was also probably friends with Nekko who is like 11.

If you read his posts he is way too well spoken to be anything under like 20 and that’s generous lol

[boysplanetrecaps]

The Great Produce 48 Rewatch: Ep 2, Signal Song [Part 2]

Hey there, National Producer! (That's you, you cutey-pie!)

When we left off with this ridiculous(ly important) project, we were watching the trainees rehearse for the "signal song," Nekko-ya. In this post, we'll finish off talking about their rehearsal period. It's a comparatively shorter post. Woot woot!

We pick up with the girls in F class, who have noticed that the letter F, in the mirror, looks like a Korean double K (ㅋ) . Used alone, ㅋ can mean “LOL” or “ha ha”, so they jump up and down and laugh seeing the equivalent of “LOLOLOLOL” on their backs. 

They’re in the middle of joking around when Dance Bae comes in. Immediately, they quiet down. They’re all scared of her, but here’s the thing about Dance Bae -- she’s not a total psychopath. She just has no patience for untalented girls using the show as a springboard for their acting career. If you try hard, and listen to her, she’ll treat you with basic kindness. 

She notes that most of the girls are Japanese and tells them they’ll have to work hard. They try the chorus, working on their synchronized dance, and she says that they’re doing better than the C class, which makes them feel great. She congratulates them on how hard they’re working, saying “I thought you’d be a mess since you’re F-class. But you’re doing a lot better than expected, so, fighting!!”

I love how Ahn Ye Won, the YG KPlus model, looks like an actual giant in this photo. She’s only 5’7! 

A lot of this segment focuses on Chiba Erii, aka Sailor Mercury, second from the left in the photo above, shown in what is apparently some kind of glitch mode. She does not know how to sing, and she doesn’t seem to enjoy learning to dance. A lot of these girls find this process difficult but still seem… I don’t know, interested? But Erii is barely there. I’m not accusing her of laziness. I’m saying that she’s so miserable that she’s checking out. It’s kind of uncomfortable to watch. One really wonders why she came on the show. 

She doesn’t normally have such a full upper lip, so maybe she was having some sort of allergic reaction or something here. That might explain why she was so out-of-it. 

They dance in a group, and Dance Bae notices how disconnected Erii is. She asks Erii to dance alone, and Erii, fully enmeshed in this nightmare from which awakening isn’t possible, complies. It gives off vibes like someone should have edited in really loud sneaker noises. It only takes a few moments for Dance Bae to stop her, saying that Erii is just as bad as Sohye (from Produce101 -- a girl who obviously just went on the show to launch her acting career and accidentally won). Dance Bae tells her to work harder if she ever wants to get out of F class, and Erii begins to cry, hiding her face in her shirt. 

The other girls don’t seem to have much sympathy for Erii. 

Left to right: Yabuki Nako; Bibian; and Tanaka Miku. We haven’t really met Nako or Miku before, because they sang the Banana song together that was just too hot for MNET!

Here’s another shot of them from earlier in the scene so you can see what they look like from another angle. Left to right, this is Bibian, Nako, Natsume, and Miku.

Anyway, to go back to what I was saying about the girls not seeming to have much sympathy for Erii as she’s crying. The look on especially Bibian’s face is very much… not… sympathetic. I am not saying anything bad about any of these girls. I have no idea if Bibian and Erii hate each other. I have no idea if Bibian even had this expression on her face at that moment, in reaction to Erii crying. What I do know is that if there is animosity among AKB48 girls -- and there definitely, objectively, factually is -- it is caused by the AKB48 system itself, which is (or at least was) designed in such a way that animosity runs through the whole project like fudge ripples through a fudge ripple. They’re always competing in the General Elections (or at least, they were doing so at the time this aired), and always competing for who will sing on the A side or even a B side of a single. I’ll talk more about this later on with regards to gravely-voiced Noe and some rumors about her, but there are lots of stories about AKB girls physically attacking each other, or hiring other people to do so, and/or starting malicious rumors, really nasty stuff like that. I just have to be glad that the worst of that seems to be in the past, and that for whatever reason, you don’t tend to hear about stuff like that in Kpop these days. I also think it’s sweet that when put in an environment where people tend to help each other and cooperate, the AKB girls very quickly adjust and begin to adapt that perspective. It shows that at heart, most people really want to be friends. At least, I’d like to believe that that’s true. 

Ok, back to it. Erii crying kicks off a montage of other F-class girls crying. They know that if they don’t move up from F-class, they won’t even be allowed to stand on stage during the big performance of Naekkoya. Honestly, they get to me, because most of them, I know, are working hard and it has to be so stressful to be so young, so far from home, working so hard on so little sleep. Bibian’s comments might be the saddest: “I can’t even be in Class F. I’m so much worse than that.” As if she’s heard what they said in their interviews, Dance Bae tells them, with unexpected softness, “Let’s all go up to the higher classes. I really want to see you all perform on stage…. Let’s pull the A graders down! Let’s go. Fighting!” See, I told you from the start that she’s not the psychopath around here. 

Then there’s a really cute montage of the F-class girls working together and trying to encourage each other. A Japanese girl offers Hyewon a sweatshirt, pantomiming “being cold”, and Hyewon understands and accepts it.  Matsuoka Natsumi interviews that the Korean trainees came over to talk to her when she was crying. 

I'm pretty sure that that's Ahn Ye Won, the YGK+ model, comforting her.

As the Love Theme from Produce 48 plays, they all say that they’re working the hardest because they know they have the furthest to go. Even Erii is working hard! I’m here sitting on my cat paw cushion shouting at the computer screen. FIGHTING, girls!! FIGHTING!!! Also please get some sleep!!!

Heading Into the Final Eval - 1:36:53

It’s the night before they will record their individual performances of Naekkoya for their final evaluation. Some of the girls are lying in bed, practicing the lyrics and hand movements. Others, like Takeuchi Miyu’s Korean roommates, are still practicing, leading her to wonder out loud, in slow Korean, “Don’t the Korean trainees sleep?” Sakura notes the same thing, that they seem to just keep practicing instead of sleeping, so she’s doing the same. She’s embarrassed that seven years after her own debut, she’s not nearly as good as the other girls. But it’s obvious that part of the problem is that she’s completely exhausted. Girls! Listen to your unnie! You need to sleep or you’re going to have a complete brain collapse tomorrow! 

Choi Yeonsoo, one of the YGK+ models, tries to help Minami, aka Sailor Mars/Lemon-chan’s mom, who looks like she’s about to drop. She’s only 14, for heaven’s sake.

Yeonsoo uses little drawings to try to communicate.

Side note: to any of my lovies who are studying for something, remember that your brain is part of your body and if you don’t take care of your body with enough sleep and stuff, your brain also won’t work well and it’ll be hard to learn. Please try to get some sleep! Your health is important.

They are all working together and trying to help each other. Most of them want to make it to A class (or stay in A class) so that they could be in the center. As if it isn’t obviously going to be Sakura. 

Ok, that’s it for this post! In the next one, we’ll begin talking about the grade reassignments. See you then!

[gsketchy03]

Hey I know this is way late, but I came across your analysis in my study of this score! I'm currently a university student, studying music and this semester I've been taking a class on film and TV music analysis and since the full score for this game was made publicly available by the composers, (and we'd be looking at a cue from it later in the course) I took it upon myself to do some studying/analysis of this score. (also because I love this game lol) I've been looking a lot into themes in my study of this score, so your analysis has been super helpful. I haven't done nearly as much as I hope to eventually, but I have found some stuff that you might find interesting.

Mainly that I think this theme is actually intended mostly to represent the empire, not Cal. Or if it is intended to relate to Cal specifically, perhaps his dark side and struggles there? Regardless, in the score, the theme first appears under the heading "Imperial theme" (heading is page 113 in the score if you want to pull it up, theme starts on the following page in the horns) I saw the comparisons you and @foxykatie425 drew to Cal's theme, and while I do commend your work and it makes me wonder if a connection was in some way intended, I think the theme is far more similar to the B section of John Williams' Imperial Theme. The A, then Gb bit especially. If you listen to the section that immediately follows the main gesture of the theme, it really sounds like the imperial theme. (sorry I'm not super good at explaining this in words. when I talked to my professor about this, I played sections on the piano to illustrate my point, but I can't really do that here. If my writing is too difficult to decipher, let me know and I'll try to be more specific) Additionally, this theme is very closely associated with the empire. As you've noted, it appears in Dark Times, Above the Clouds, and Nova Garon. However, I'd argue that it could just as easily ,if not more, be applied to the empire than Cal. In Dark Times, Cal is being taken through coruscant, past the Imperial palace. In Above the Clouds, the empire is fighting on the observatory as well. Nova Garon is an imperial base. The theme also appears in the tracks Garrison, containing music played during imperial encounters on Koboh, and Mogu in the Mist, containing music played in the imperial outpost we find on Koboh. i detect hints of the theme during Imperial-related bits on Jedha, too (Listen like super closely to Trident) . All this to say, I think because Gordy Haab and Stephen Barton aren't super allowed to use John Williams' actual music in their scores, I think they made a new, derivative form of the Imperial theme. However, I think there may still be something to the connections you've pointed out to Cal's theme. I was hoping to get to speak to the composers on this subject, but unfortunately they were to busy to meet.

On a completely different note, I think Koboh itself has a theme! I found it in A Frontier Welcome (1:32 in bass clarinet, harps and cello), Where the Nekkos Roam (1:38, clarinets), and Rambler's reach (beginning flute, but basically everywhere). These are just a couple instances, it's in pretty much every cue on Koboh though. There's even a cool version of it at 1:40 of rambler's reach played on horn and banjo(? that part isn't in the score for some reason) that is like a western version of the theme that represents Rambler's reach as a community. I haven't spent enough time with the score and game to ensure that's the right connection, but I'm pretty confident.

Anyway, just thought I'd give you my thoughts on this! I absolutely love this game and the score is fantastic. At this point I'm considering a career in film/tv/video game score analysis because of how much I enjoy this lol

Feel free to reach out with any questions, I know I didn't do a great job explaining the connections to the imperial theme. After my finals, I'd be happy to do a full analysis comparing those themes!

I think I might have gotten something wrong in my Jedi Survivor score post. Maybe someone who didn't fail music theory in high school (aka me) and understands minor or inverted keys more could help.

I'm trying to figure out if this melody is musically related to Cal's theme in any way, shape, or form.

I originally thought it was a minor or inverted variation of a part of Cal's theme and now I'm second-guessing myself. It's a theme that's heard throughout the game and it's definitely at least a secondary darker theme for Cal cause it almost always plays in relation to him but I can't tell if it actually is a minor or inverted variation. Maybe even a darker extension of it or something? During the track Above the Clouds that theme and Cal's almost consistently switch back and forth which made me think it was Dagan's theme for a bit but it's definitely not. It's also not Bode's, this is Bode's theme, also heard here.

Was I right about it being some sort of musical variation of Cal's theme or is it something completely different?

[ange-mello]

Nekko! Uma das campeãs mais fofas na minha opinião. Esta e na verdade uma fanart bem antiga, fiz no começo do ano passado se não me engano

A boca ficou bem bugada...

[ky0i]

[inumakume3]

Neeko la camaleona curiosa ! 

Always main <3 

[behavioraleventnetwork]

Oh I am your target audience I would watch the fuck out of this

Some things off the top of my head, feel free to disregard obv:

That time in arc 3 the update was delayed and turns out Jad took a vacation to the mountains to align his chakras or something (and several people had taken time off of work to catch that update that never came)

idk if you wanna get into the DMT diaries or Digital Fireside but lol.

Alex’s character (I just think it’s best trivia he was the supposed protagonist of arc 2). Thelinkmissing is a separate YouTube channel so new viewers only on Jadusable’s channel might miss him altogether.

The Newspaper donator reward

hbisreal/the planned arc 3 game

Maybe something about player inserts in general because that still seems really novel to me (Not counting $$ contributors, Sephiriam was a player called out like immediately after Ryukaki but then again idk if they’d want the attention)

Ben Drowned’s Wikipedia page containing some wild stuff like “undercover cop ifrit” (under the page’s history go back to 4 May 2020.)

Mandela effect brought up on the website chatlogs, amounting to nothing.

Jadus story occurring simultaneously and then being put on hiatus

Methods of Revolution hotel plot

Lost in My Thoughts/general spotlight on the music. HubrisOST YouTube channel owned by Jad for the arc 2 music.

Maybe in the well known tier — the Vampire Masquerade & Prototype videos

Video Responses

Patreon polls/Sarah and “Player 2” were also hiveminds/themes of consensus

The Fourth Day Glitch

Possibly derivative works? I’ve not read John is Dead, but that’s a big one. One of the creators of John is Dead has the old Within Hubris url and it’s maintained as a homepage rn with links to the wikis.

The story is meticulously archived, but the last/only missing piece is Nekko’s biography on YSHDT

This is off the top of my head I could probably wrack my brain for other insane shit but this was an Experience and I was only properly a player in arc 3. I know you already put Moon Children cult in there but it is buckwild to describe to someone who knows only arc 1 that “yeah there was a cult that did that BUT ALSO THIS CULT WAS A FRONT FOR THE GOVERNMENT.”

Fuck it. I’m making a BEN drowned iceberg tonight

[miriamyoshevet]

Algunas recreaciones artisticas Parte 7

(Creditos a su respectivo autor u autora)

[timefospookies]

LERNJNG MORE ANOUT THE BEN DROWNED LORE CUZ ITS DUMB THAT I HADNT BEFORE B’)

THE PHILOSOPHY LETS GOO, CLOSE ENOUGH TO WHAG I MADE IP LMAO

I said that they were serving Luna to prevent an apocalypse, but the canon is that they’re serving Luna and thus will survive the coming apocalypse. And I’ll just say they were serving Luna in the first place because uhhhhh idk I’ll come up w that later lol

———————————————————————

Uhh also I learned that Kelbris didn’t create the cult, he was just the first Moonchild to have heard Luna say stuff

Does that mean Kelbris isn’t The Father??

He was just some rando??

Cuz in the intro they say they worship the Moon and Him, and they don’t worship a Him, the worship a Her (Luna). So He could be The Father, but Kelbris was just a Moonchild, so he’s not The Father.

So uh, they worship Luna and The Father but that begs the question, who is The Father??? What’s his role in the cult??? I’m assuming He created it

———————————————————————

AND ALL THE MOONCHILDREN HAVE BEEN GIFTER SPIRITUALLY!?!! THAT MAKES SENSE WHY ROSA CAN SEE THE FUTURE

WHAT ARE THE OTHERS’ GIFTS??1!!

———————————————————————

So is the only benefit of becoming Enlightened and unlocking your energy being able to ascend? Like I guess that’s a big deal within the cult, but if someone were an outsider that wouldn’t sound so appealing? Like maybe unlocking your energy also helps you unlock your spiritual gift and once you get that you have right to ascend? Idk

———————————————————————

Also this took place a lot later than I thought. The Behavioral Event Network was created the day Benjamin Lawman died (April 23rd, 2002), and the Network was the one tormenting Jadusable, not Benji.

But uhhh it seems like the main people who make up BEN (like Ifrit, or Nekko, or Duskword23) are still alive in 2010?? Unless they’re not and the reason they’re so excited about making a new website is just their way of saying “let’s goooooo we’re free from the cartridge and now we can settle in this website and continue worshiping Luna”

Except that doesn’t make sense because it’s stated that Nekko hasn’t ascended yet?? And neither has Duskword23, or Rosa, or Ifrit

Interesting:0

———————————————————————

Those are all of my thoughts for now, cuz I actually haven’t finished the video I was watching where I learned all this from but I just wanted to write them down lol

Here’s the video btw in case y’all wanna watch B)

Have a nice day!!

https://youtu.be/QJlqY1O4B00

[pontevoix]

 —— ASSOCIATIONS.

repost and fill in the words you most associate with your character !! REGULAR TEXT IS TSUKISHIMA; ITALICIZED IS NEDWARD.

ANIMAL:  crow, the giant tortoise; komodo dragon, peregrine falcon COLOUR:  amber, charcoal, nighttime blue; scarlet, sky blue,  MONTH: october & november;  october SONGS:  i wish i was the moon -- nekko case // there is a light that never goes out -- the smiths; yertle the turtle -- red hot chili peppers lol // float on -- modest mouse NUMBERS:  11 & 3 & 4; 3 & 2 & 1,000,000 DAY OR NIGHT:  cloudy nights where the moon comes in & out of sight, day -- high noon PLANT: black pine, sesame, gladiolus; wheat, japanese barberry, protea  SMELL:  shampoo, laundry detergent, sweat, seabreeze deoderant, cologne ?? ; rain, sweat, bread, oldspice body wash lol,  warmth SEASON: fall & summer; spring & summer FOOD: strawberry shortcake, rasberries, tamagoyaki; stew, apple pie, steak, steak, anything on a kabob DRINK:  water water water, ryokucha, gatorade, orange sparkling water; coffee & orange juice & water  ELEMENTS:  air, earth ; fire & earth

tagged by : the one!! the only @ichoreyed​ !! thank you :) tagging :  @middlefade​ , @hateslosing​ , @greatdecoy​ , @enqueteurcygne​ , @isolov​ , @morderdame​ , @shimzus + everyone who wants to!! :) 

[deviant-detectiverk800]

The space between his eyebrow scrunched up, LED blinking yellow in confusion. A quick web search tells him what a cat girl is.

"...have you considered, if the multiverse is real, that the universes are not infinite. That there could me a limited number of them. I find a unerverse where I am a cat girl to be...unlikely."

"What did you say?"

Not looking up from her handheld console because she has so few fun things in her life.

“If infinate universes exist there would be one where infinate universes don’t exist…and one where you are a catgirl.”

[wernerherzogs]

I wanted eve and villanelle to work together like they did in season 2 ( I guess!!) it was kinda powerful to see them team up lol but now nekko is dead thinking its villanelle who killed him eve would hate her even more. Also I don't like how villanelle kinda turning soft like she used to be this badass cold bitch but now I'm just!!! So far s1, s2 feel much better than this one but we will see. Tbh I feel bad for the bus cake it looked so delicious :/

[SPOILERS IN THE ASK&ANSWER. guys please remember to send spoiler warnings in asks, too. some people might have the tag for the show blocked, but not me answering anons, ya know?]

i don’t know the books, but maybe the writers feared it (them working together again) would get repetitive? no idea! maybe they’ll get there again at some point, shrug emoji!!! in the meantime the show clearly wants things to be more dramatic again. i don’t agree with you about villanelle turning soft, asdfjas. WHERE????