#lol get it... short lived...BECAUSE HES GONNA DIE VERY QUICKLY

[hotpinkmoon]

will the VN have other people beside the bois

Remember this dude > Andy

This is him now and he's so down bad for you. You can date him/be friend with in the game but don't be surprised if its short lived lol

There are 4 more characters but I'll reveal them the next few days.

[alitgblog]

was gonna do a march madness bracket for litg characters but I feel like we know which fan favorites are gonna win so instead, with my extra time, I did a hunger games simulator (logical next step lol).

Tried to pick a guy and girl from every season (plus an extra duo from seasons 2,4, and 6 just because I like those seasons lol). With a few exceptions and wild cards, but you'll see.

ANyway the highlights (didn't include every death so if you're wondering what's happening to some characters, you can ask me lol).

I guess first off, Vicki does die very quickly (killed by her someone in own district, Estelle). (FYI I only picked those two because I was like well they're the prettiest ones from S7 lol). Also Theo and Claudia being in character and helping each other out is cool and in character (spoilers: won't stay that way). Jakub is also having a comedy of errors going on, which I fully expect from him. And there's some Gramish interactions in there which is fun. I forgot to screenshot it but they do form a short lived alliance.

Ozzy and Marshall are both messes most of the time: absolutely what I expect out of the two of them. They kind of took over S6 (with Amelia but I didn't put her in this) and fittingly, I am invested in their storyline for this simulator even though at first I just wanted to see who was gonna be the stronger twin lmao. (That's also why S7 has two girls to balance out these two being on the same team.)

Pretty early on, Bruno also kills his own teammate, Angie, and I immediately regret putting in my favorites in the simulator. S4 does get their moment in the spotlight though, because Kelly somehow ends up hunting Suresh. Like I just know if she got more time in litg she'd have my back 😤😤 (even though Suresh is in a different season). This does not go well a few days later, however, when Kelly drinks the poison she meant to give Suresh. And then he steals the idea and then poisons Dana from his own district, wowwww.

Moving on, if you want some insight on my S3 picks, I thought they were all too nice to have to deal with this and after some careful deliberation (I sat around for two minutes trying to think of what would be the funniest option). Anyway so here's an update on how Kerry's doing. She's kind of made an alliance with Lottie, which makes sense Lottie not wanting to work with her fellow district tribute, Jakub.

Anyway next group of killings: goodbye more of my faves (also wtf Theo). Speaking of Theo, he does make an alliance with my district 12 wild card picks which are of course, fan favorites Gareth and Lola. (For the record, Theo does kill Lola later on and Gareth dies of hypothermia. I don't have any other screenshots of the birds I just felt like keeping y'all updated.)

Anyway, it's been a few days, you may be wondering how Ozzy and Marshall are doing: (this happens twice fyi, wow the twins are BONDING)

This might hurt some people: the funny short kings are fighting. This isn't how Bobby dies though, unfortunately the S2 fan favorite humans are killed off by the other two

It seems after this, Lottie's really going through something, now kind of forcing murder on her ally, Kerry. However, she kills Suresh who has like three kills at this point? So, ehh. It goes badly very soon after though, as Lottie BETRAYS Kerry?? Plot twist, damn.

Eventually, Marshall, Estelle, and Theo all team up to hunt others (keep in mind at this point, I believe Estelle and Theo have the most kills). This does not bode well for Marshall and Ozzy finally bonding though. Again, Lottie is going through some mental turmoil probably after all those kills, and asks Ozzy to kill her but he already is trying not to kill anyone.

Anyway that alliance does not last. Estelle walks over a landmine, and Marshall betrays Theo. This is high drama as far as I'm concerned, and of course main character Marshall.

Jakub is still going through a comedy of errors.

Meanwhile, Allegra has just been vibing most of the time. She talked to Tim like once. And she's been getting stuff from sponsors. But somehow has allied with Lottie and I assume that helps Lottie regain her confidence. Because together they kill Ozzy. And Marshall doesn't even know.

We eventually do land on final two Lottie and Marshall. Lottie, who's losing her mind, and Marshall, also not in the best headspace but doubly so now seeking revenge for his brother. It's very much going back and forth who's hunting who.

Anticlimactic, but do we have a winner shortly after because Lottie dies of starvation, and I think Marshall finds the body and it's a weird bittersweet ending because he made it and didn't have to kill her but also didn't get vengeance and has to live with all that.

So so fun.

Anyway feel free to make your own lol

[scover-va]

I love your fnaf stuff so much! And I'm very sorry if you've already covered most of this, but like- any more details on Michael post-scooping? Idc whether that be how to fits in publicly (if even possibly lol), relationships he builds, his mentality, or just important events you planned for him after the scooping! Idc if it's even an AU you have, I just love how you write Michael and would love to hear more of anything! :)

cracks my fucking knuckles oh BABEY ok this is going under a read more because i know damn well this is gonna be multiple paragraphs long. Ty anon, michael afton is my favourite topic ever

Okay so, something important to note here is that even if I choose to ignore all of Dittophobia, my au still does have Sister Location occurring after FNAF 1 - Specifically late December, so like. A month after fnaf 1. It ALSO coincides with the fnaf 3 minigames that lead up to William's death. That's a longass discussion all in itself tho so I'll probably make a follow up post on that if requested

But! Post-Scoop Mike! During the time period of Ennard inhabiting his body he was essentially unconscious for the entire ordeal. Like. Yknow how majority of the ghosts are kinda lacking some level of awareness while in the suits? Yeah. Michael doesn't really remember it, but he still remembers the time passing, so it's not just. Like. Dying on the scooping room floor, then BAM! Alive on the sidewalk. It's sorta like. Yknow those movie/show/game cutscenes where everything's vague and blurry and slow-motion and the audio is funky. Like that

When he DID get his body back, for a few minutes it was sorta like. He was back to full awareness. Noticed he could see things, and that his limbs felt heavy, and that he could hear a mix of ringing and the "You won't die" line and flies buzzing around him. The sunlight felt too bright. You know when you take one of those naps that severely fucks you up, and because of that you wake up half-numb, dizzy, and disoriented? Now imagine that but a million times worse. He's in pain everywhere, his senses are readjusting, he knows he shouldn't be able to see or hear or speak but he can do those things anyway. And he can tell that despite it being a bright, sunny day, no one's coming to his aid. So he forces himself up and painfully stumbles home.

Now, well my timeline of events between SL and 3 is a bit vague, I do have the important stuff down. He gets home, and despite not having been allowed to contact his mom since late '86 (this is important and relevant guys i prommy) and having been told she was dead, he called her anyway. Long story short, one phone call later and also lots of general, messy emotional stuff, Michael. Left the state of Utah as a whole and went and lived with his mom over in California. Because of the whole being dead thing, he did kinda unfortunately sever ties with Jeremy and Henry (aka the only two living people left he even spoke to, besides William but he's a week dead by now), but like. He wasn't really sure how he could approach those situations. A guy who's lost a bunch of cognitive and motor abilities, and a man who fell into a deep depression after his daughter's death. Michael kinda saw telling them as like. I dont really have the word for it, but he saw abandonment as the better option. Figured it'd hurt them less

When it came to fitting into public, it was essentially the same as how he blends in during fnaf 6, just with MUCH darker clothes. He likely did hide away for a while, refusing to go outside, but started slowly readjusting. He didn’t make any bonds while there (unless his mom’s adoptive parents count), mostly keeping to himself. He worked, but it was always nightshift jobs where no one else would be around.

Luckily, his hygiene has gotten MUCH better! Due to being a rotten corpse, he tends to start smelling bad and being a general safety hazard rather quickly, so typically he’ll do a thorough shower in the morning, and then another quick shower at night, just to be safe. And also he wears perfume, to avoid a smell building up. Just to be safe.

About 10 years (ish. I picked a general number so I didn’t have to pinpoint exact timing) into his 30 year disappearance, his mom does unfortunately pass. Lung cancer, turns out smoking a shit ton out of grief is a bad idea. Better than the murders, probably. It was very much so a rough time for Mike, given being in and out of a hospital (bad memories from Evan’s death and Jeremy’s near-death kept him in a constant state of anxiety during this time, not to mention those events already made him plenty anxious, paranoid, and overall jumpy when in hospitals) and then the eventual death. That’s when his goal to hunt down his dad kinda went into full swing. Because, well, that last sorta tether just snapped, so now he’s far more goal oriented.

It was probably full of him following small leads. Contacting some distant relatives of his, contacting his father’s old business partners - he kinda tried to procrastinate going back to Utah (specifically Hurricane) for as long as possible. But then news about Fazbear Frights came around, and the return kiiiinda became inevitable. Because unfortunately, it was a damn good lead. Also, once again, Michael remains friendless in this time. Outside of any possible employers or the people he contacted, he hasn’t actually properly, freely spoken to anyone since his mom or grandparents. And he kinda cut ties with his grandparents out of guilt after his mom passed.

And Fazbear Frights is. Interesting! Because as he’s used to, he has to go in to meet his employer! But what he’s not used to is seeing his estranged kinda-cousin-kinda-brother whom he hasn’t seen since they were, like, 14. Aka Sammy. It’s an incredibly awkward experience all around, despite them both having somewhat similar goals. They agree to pretend not to know each other.

Work goes, well, as it pretty much does in game. Nothing special. Probably some panic and resurfacing trauma on night 2. Anyways the fire! That’s the important part!

As one would expect, Michael was quick to get out of the fire. Wasn’t exactly hard to set it - the place is old and dirty and fucking *moldy* - he just tossed a half-smoked cigarette at some loose oil or something and the bitch was ablaze.

William (slash springtrap but im just saying william for simplicity’s sake) caught him in one of the hallways. And had the fucking *audacity* to try and plead with Michael to help him out of the building. And the kicker is that if it weren’t for survival instincts kicking in and causing Michael to topple William over and crush Will’s arm with an arcade machine to keep him down long enough for a quick escape, it would’ve worked. Michael is. Uh. Very emotionally and mentally vulnerable.

A couple years pass after that, before a new Freddy’s place opens, needing someone to run it. Michael does have experience business-wise thanks to watching and learning from his dad as a kid, so it couldn’t be *that* hard, right? He applied under a fake name, got himself all disguised and whatnot, and headed in!

Michael Afton’s Emily Family Reunion Counter: 2

It did take a few minutes for the recognition to actually happen. But. Yeah it was a lil awkward. Considering Michael’s very silent and very sudden exit 32 years ago. Oh yeah also i have fnaf 6 taking place over more than just a week, stretches out from about 2025-2026. No specifics, just a general span of time. Feels more realistic to me, idk. I get the 1 week thing for gameplay/continuity reasons, but hey! This is just an au! I can do whatever shit I please!

And Iiii! Still need to actually flesh out the fnaf 6 stuff beyond my silly lil jokes. Uhh, I think majority of the stuff gets covered here? Feel free to ask further questions on anything, im more than happy to talk about it :-)

[proffbon]

I got seduced by the idea of Companion Tav and I've been bouncing around some ideas for Saphrin (of course), mainly just themes, conflict, romance progression and personal quest, but I'm kinda stuck on the latter because I either can't think up any way to progress it to Act 3 or I write myself into a final choice which leads to Saphrin's perma death. 

And considering the endings for Karlach and Gale, the perma death option wouldn't be something out of the realm of possibilities (although Gale's death ending also ends your fucking game lol), but with Saphrin specifically, there would be no incentive to actually pursue the death route unless you have very specific views on accountability for your actions, redemption and forgiveness (or if you just hate Saphrin and want his ass gone). Basically, his situation is not exactly a lose-lose choice like Karlach's. 

It would work as a third option, like a 'bonus' to the two main ones (kinda like Karlach's mindflayer ending or the aforementioned Gale's explody one), but I just can't come up with this potential second desirable but ultimately 'bad' option.

I'm gonna go into more detail. Read if you're interested for some reason.

Saphrin's main conflict in his personal quest is basically a crisis of faith, although not as heavily accentuated as Shadowheart's one. It's more of a crisis of morality fueled by faith. In short, any kind of divine belief that Saphrin adopted throughout his life he didn't exactly 'choose' himself. It was all more or less compulsory or habitual. Being raised as a Lolthite noble, he worshipped Lolth. Because if he didn't, he would die (in the best case scenario). Once he escaped and was rescued by the Eilistraeean clergy, he started ardently worshipping Eilistraee. Even though his worship of Eilistraee is a more willing one, it's still largely influenced by 1) indebtitude to his rescuers, 2) the feeling of intense guilt he has for torturing and killing Tanrien, a surface elf cleric who, in a way, opened Saphrin's eyes to the unfortunate situation he was living in, gave him enough courage (or rather desperation) to escape and effectively 'saved' him from a society that would most likely destroy him, body and mind.

Sure, Saphrin believes in Eilistraee's doctrines, he especially wants to breach the schism between the surface elves and drow (in large part due to immense respect for Tanrien's fighting spirit and his willingness to reach out to Saphrin, even though he was one of Tanrien's tormentors, in fact this man is one of the main reasons Saphrin decided to be a cleric specifically). Saphrin was, after all, quite soft-hearted for a Lolthite, although he didn't really mind certain parts of drow society or at least didn't question them at the time. Some aspects he even enjoyed, seeing how Saphrin's military service is still a fond memory for him. During the main adventure, he has yet to get rid of all his old habits. Sometimes he resorts to violence a bit too quickly, he also often worries that he might say something most people would consider cruel and not realise it. But I digress. 

The so-called 'crisis of faith' comes in the form of a question: why are you doing all this? Why help the weak and unfortunate? Why get so invested in your companions' personal troubles? In my base bg3 playthrough, it's more or less resolved through internal musings and reflection on his relationship with others (and with his romantic partner in particular).

But in a companion scenario, it's something that, I think, has to be triggered. The best trigger I could come up with is Saphrin meeting someone who used to be close with Tanrien (a friend or a family member), which forces Saphrin to reflect on this event that he was trying to move on from for 11 years since his escape. It would also allow him to gain some new perspectives and insight into the situation from other companions, NPCs and the 'player'. Most likely it would have to ultimately come down to Tanrien, as he is the catalyst of this entire thing. I think quite a big part of it all would be Saphrin thinking which course of action would be right to both honor his faith and Tanrien's memory. 

In theory, it would result in two conclusions:

1) Saphrin decides that the main reason for his faith is penance for what he did to Tanrien and that the ultimate fulfillment of his beliefs would be giving himself up to be killed (and potentially tortured) by the person who lost someone dear to them due to Saphrin's actions. Eilistraee, after all, teaches to strike down evil without hesitation. He should be a villain from Tanrien's perspective, and he certainly is one from Tanrien's confidant's. And he is evil, is he not? Why else would he be so violent, why else would he still say cruel things without thinking, why else would he recall his soldier days with such warmth? Perhaps the reason his goddess reached out to him in the first place would be for Saphrin to reach this exact conclusion - he himself is the evil that needs to be struck down, to make this world better for everyone. It would end with Saphrin vowing that once they deal with the Absolute, he would be at the mercy of Tanrien's friend/family member. This obviously being the aforementioned bad option, because you keep reinforcing Saphrin's guilt and saying that even though Saphrin basically had no real choice but to commit horrible actions in the name of Lolth, even though right now he is acting as a force of good and helping everyone he meets, ultimately his penance is more important and he should be punished for what he did.

2) Saphrin decides that the main reason for his faith is the happiness of the ones he loves and cares about. It may not be about some abstract greater good or divine balance of good and evil, but it's something he wasn't able to repay Tanrien with, because it was too late for him. Saphrin's spiritual fulfillment would be seeing his friends and lover happy, unburdened, loved, as he himself was once deprived of all this prior to meeting his 'savior'. So, in this scenario, Saphrin would come to Tanrien's friend/family member and ask for their forgiveness. He would say that they are not obligated to forgive him or even believe that his guilt is genuine, but the only thing he can't afford right now is give up and die. He wants to show other people in the world that there's someone who cares about them, even if it's only one person. Even if it's just an adventurer passing by on his quest. The greatest feat he can perform in service to Lady Silverhair is showing the same kindness he once received himself. Even if it's something little, because sometimes that little something is enough to save someone's life. And, as it seems, the best way to bring happiness to the lives of his friends and lover, would be to stay with them, love them, be loved by them and, most importantly, allow himself to be happy too.

So, as you can see, there's not a lot of incentive to go the first route unless you actually believe that Saphrin should be punished no matter what, or if you become susceptible to his latent suicidal tendencies and start believing it's something he genuinely wants and needs.

Although, I don't know, maybe I'm a bit blindsided by my obvious love for my own child and there actually would be some demand for the first route, if only for the sake of tragedy or evil roleplay. Maybe it can be made to look like a desirable option through Saphrin continually insisting that it's something he should do. Idk.

The other angle could be Saphrin implying that your incessant attempts to change his mind are in some way an attempt to control him and his decisions. This could even work well for a romance-based conflict, because Saphrin has experience of being with a lover he did not love or want in any way, but who he was too afraid to cross, thus securing the time they were together as one of the most miserable parts of his life.

He probably would also need to distance himself from Eilistraee a bit (I'm thinking of him neglecting to perform his Evensong now and then because he's too ashamed of 'telling' her what's going on with him), because I can't imagine Eilistraee being entirely on board with Saphrin's wack logic. And yeah, it's kinda implied Saphrin is following Eilistraee's dogmas without fully understanding them (as I said before, compulsory faith), mostly because he's so deep in self-flagellation that he doesn't even notice the contradictions. Perhaps because of being raised as a Lolthite, he even subconsciously focuses more on the destructive/restrictive parts of the code and the perceived punishment rather than the overall hopeful messaging.

[otakween]

Head Start at Birth - Chapters 1-10

This one popped up on MAL suddenly because the JP title begins with a "0." Always excited to read/watch something new for a change, but this looks kinda bottom tier. Not only is it an incredibly generic plot, but its adaptation is a short episodes anime 😬

ALSO, this manga is being sold in the west as chapters and in the Webtoon style? I'm old school and kinda hate this. Why can't I just buy volumes?

Ch. 1

Oof this is so generic. I'm trying to give it a chance but the cliches are too much. The art is...fine but not very memorable. At least it's in color.

The mom got over her 3 year old making land management recommendations waaaay too quickly.

>_> Is that much older looking dude the love interest? I'm gonna throw up.

Lilia was 30 when she got isekai'd so I guess I'm supposed to be the target audience here? I feel like if I was in her position I wouldn't be like "YEAH, LET'S LEVEL UP!" I'd be like "YEAH! A CHANCE TO BE A KID AGAIN AND GOOF OFF!"

I feel like they vaguely implied that the mom is an evil capitalist (monarchist?) since she won't give people tax relief. That could be something interesting to explore...

Ch. 2

Reslar (the dragon) sounds suspiciously close to Rizzler lol

They introduce 3 age appropriate boys and then she immediately falls for the older guy. I get that she has the mind of a 30 year old but it's still weird. They'll probably go the "he waits until she's older" route. Whatever -_-

I was pleased that Lilia's parents stayed on her side as she was slightly rude to the royals. Their loyalties are in the right place at least.

Why does every shoujo isekai gotta be fixated on otome games and villainesses? It's honestly so bizarre how keyword obsessed media is these days...

Ch. 3

Yeah so, this is a romance isekai where the MC is 5 and the love interest is 15 🙄 I get that it's kinda based on the olden days when engagements like that were normal due to political marriages, but still. We don't really need to be romanticizing this stuff nowadays, right? Especially when it's a fantasy world where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Oh well.

This situation reminds me of The Familiar of Zero when Louise had a much older fiancé. Although in that series I think it was kind of portrayed as a little creepy/unsettling. Wow never thought I'd be praising The Familiar of Zero as a more progressive option 😅

I do appreciate that the dad (Guy) is ride or die for his daughter, but the joke about him thinking she'd been raped was a little tasteless.

We have yet to see what the plot of this series is going to be. Is it going to follow the romance angle mainly or is it going to be more about Lilia's personal development?

Ch. 4

Lilia's mom looks a lot like she stepped out of Umineko no Naku Koro ni. It's probably just the cravat lol.

We learn about Elrich's tragic backstory (his parents were executed for treason). Unfortunately, it didn't really make him a more interesting character. I had hoped he'd have at least some sort of reaction to the engagement but he's pretty much just "bland perfect husbando" so far.

The sex fantasy was something I could have lived without. Straight to jail.

Hopefully we can get an Elrich chapter here and there to flesh him out. I don't care how much he looks like Lilia's fave otome game character.

Ch. 5

I was wary of the parents at first, but they seem to actually be really good parents? Also, Lilia's mom is super politically smart too (girl boss lol). I guess the doting dad thing is basically just a stock character, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Glad the spirits get to show some actually emotion for once (well, Reslar does anyways).

I do like that Lilia is more focused on her ambitions than Elrich. She just happens to also be really horny for Elrich lol (I'm sorry...that's how it's portrayed).

Ch. 6

Okay, I'm kinda getting into this >_> it's just shoujo isekai brain rot basically but the art is so cute and it's been a long time since I've read a manga in full color

Dressing in your fiancé's color is so romantic ;w; (although I guess people don't always have signature colors irl lol).

The dynamic between mom and Lilia both being badass boss babes gives me Yor/Anya vibes because of the ages haha.

That gothic look with the princess curls was serving (werk)

Ch. 7

Urgh my anime arch nemesis appears...head pats. I don't think they're cute at all, I think they're weird and demeaning. (Even if I was 5 years old I think I'd be like "get your hand off my head" lol). I still don't know if this is a thing Japanese people do IRL or not.

Lillia being instantly OP at everything she tries is pretty boring, this manga could use more conflict right about now.

Ch. 8

I like the princes' names (Isaac, Leonard, and Ferdinand). IDK if it would be better or worse if Lilia went for one of them instead. You can't win with rebirth scenarios lol

Ch. 9

Wtf, the spirits get ikemen versions? I can get on board with that actually. Some of my OCs are fantasy creatures with human versions actually...

"This is like having a sister" (file under: objectively weird things to say about your fiancé)

I can relate to Lilia's inability to relax. Productivity is fun to me 😅

Ch. 10

Still no ikemen Reslar, I'm surprised by the mangaka's restraint lol.

Wait how did people even learn about Lilia's dissertation? I thought they were keeping it on the down low.

The hedgehog spirit was cute. I'm glad they spared it lol

Lilia's spirits are just as OP as her of course -_- -yawn-

Well this was pretty forgettable, but it's a fluffy popcorn kinda read, so I'm not complaining. It's a bit unnerving having no idea how long a series will stretch to in these early stages. Hopefully this isn't a 100+ chapters one...

[munninghams]

☆ munninghams’ massive hellcheer masterpost ☆

well! i promised a big one. here it is :) hopefully people get some use out of this! i devoured a crazy amount of fics in an alarmingly short amount of time and nothing would make me happier than sharing them with u all. :) DISCLAIMER however. i read so manhy fuckin fics lmao. so this is part 1. ladies and theydies and everyone else, without further ado... them.

MULTICHAPS - COMPLETED

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) - @percyjacksonfan3 

Here's the thing about Chrissy Cunningham: she actually is the straight laced dependable good girl that everyone thinks she is. 

She's also, until she starts having these weird visions that make her feel like she's going out of her mind, insanely bored.

 Or, alternatively, the fix-it AU where Chrissy doesn't die and she and Eddie try and figure out what the hell is going on with her. And with them. Also, the usual gang is there. Eventually. Because these two need some serious help fighting demons and figuring out that they are not just friends.

this is one of the best fics i’ve ever read. can’t recommend enough! vecna au, it feels ripped straight out of canon. the first hellcheer fic i read and what started the obsession!

someone reaching back for me - @enoughtotemptme

The first time Eddie Munson watches Chrissy Cunningham die isn't the worst. It's the second, because he had thought she was going to live this time.

//

The universe made a cosmic mistake the day Chrissy Cunningham was allowed to die. It set off a chain of events that led to catastrophe, at first local, then global, and eventually interdimensional. It led to the end of all there is, was, and would ever be.

But the universe is rather interested in self-preservation. It couldn’t save itself in the future, but it could save itself then.

If only someone would get it right.

vecna timeloop au. fuckin BANGER of a fic. a little angst, of course, (okay, kind of a lot) but it’s very worth it!!! 

graceland, too. (whatever she wants) - @cunnninghams

“Have you ever thought about anything you want to do before you die?”

“Who said anything about dying? I’m gonna live forever, Cunningham. A modern day Dracula, if you will.”

“… those bats didn’t bite you that hard.”

***

tired of living in fear after helping save hawkins, chrissy decides to make a bucket list. and who better to help cross things off than her unlikely new best friend, eddie munson.

bucketlist au baby! kind of a vecna au? the party defeats him anyway and this takes plce after that. sweet fluffy story (with a hint of angst) and rebel chrissy, which i love. so good ♥

ride the sky - @deathinasmalltown

He tucks his tin lunchbox under his arm, shoves the door open, and stumbles inside—

It’s very obviously not a bathroom, as he gets an eyeful of someone’s pale ass, against white sheets.

“Uh, sorry. My bad,” he mumbles at the two teenagers fucking on the bed.

They’re far too into it to even notice that he barged in on them. Well, he’d argue that the girl might be overselling it, if her exaggerated moans are anything to go by—he’s seen enough porn to know an actress when he sees one…or hears one, more like.

He tries to back out of the room as quickly and quietly as possible, but he yelps in shock at being blocked from leaving. He twists towards the person in his way just as he’s roughly shouldered to the side by a flurry of strawberry blonde hair.

yall. this one is so good lol. eddie is so funny and their chemistry is off the charts. it’s a big fuck jason carver from me! high school au, no vecna.

you really got me now. - @ melodicvinyl

Eddie Munson is not a hero. He’s the first one to admit that, and so even he is surprised when, two weeks into attending Hawkins University, he rescues a cheerleader.

Chrissy Cunningham is finally free of Oakview, Indiana and, most importantly, her mother. She's never felt at home anywhere until she meets a metalhead who lends her his pajamas and walks her home in the morning.

A 1980s College AU.

WOOOO BOY. i don’t even have words for this one. so good. college fluff, no vecna. it’s like chicken soup for the soul. can’t reccomend enough. there’s a sequel that’s incredible.

it’s different for girls - @adelaideelaine

Chrissy Cunningham experiences an unexpected sexual awakening during her senior year of high school.

exactly what it sounds like; chrissy coming to terms with herself and her life. so good. their chemistry in this one is PALPABLE. everything by this author is amazing!!! no vecna au <3

duality - @broomclosetkink

“Holy fuck, did I take acid?” he asks. Because he’s staring at himself in the mirror, but he is Chrissy Cunningham. Her hair is messy from being slept on, her face is bare of make-up, and she’s wearing a soft pink gown nightgown. It has little white flowers on it and a lace ribbon. He can see her nipples through the thin fabric.

“What the fuck,” he whispers. “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.” Chrissy’s face twists with his expressions, and Chrissy’s mouth forms the words, and Chrissy’s voice is a little hysterical in the big room.

OR

Eddissy Bodswap!AU

MAN y’all this is SUUUCH a good one lmao. i’ll happily read fifty fics with the same premise, but what i love about this one is that i haven’t seen this premise before or since i read this fic. sweet, heartwarming, sexy, and i cried. what more do you need!

tenderness - @adelaideelaine

Eddie Munson is determined to keep his head down and get through his last summer as a counselor at Camp Hawkins Lake (aka Camp Hawk)...until a certain cheerleader-turned-lifeguard catches his eye.

yeah baby! hot and heavy at a summer camp. literally what more can you ask for. no vecna here, just hot wet american summer vibes.

you drew stars around my scars - @em_jaye 

Hellfire Ink,” she repeated, glancing around the still-unsettled front room. “You’re a…tattoo parlor?”

“No,” he shook his head. “We specialize in Satanic calligraphy.”

Chrissy stared at him for a long beat before she snorted and covered her mouth to hide a laugh. Suddenly, Eddie wanted to make her do that again. And again.

THEE hellcheer flower shop/ tattoo parlor au. i reread this hoe and cry all the time. it’s so sweet, the story is so satisfying, and the characters feel like canon even in an au. so good!

of roses and thorns - CaCD

A soulmate AU

In a world where you share all your feelings with someone you most likely will never get to meet, Chrissy is trying at all costs to keep her head above water as she lives a life she has never got to choose for herself.

Enters Eddie, the last person she would have thought could bring happiness into her life. He shows her how to roll a joint, how to take control of her life and, maybe, if she finds the courage to meet him halfway, how to follow the string in her heart all the way to the other end.

Or: Chrissy and Eddie are soulmates, but things are never just that simple

one thing about me is that i love a mf soulmate au. and i’ve never seen two kids that are soulmates more than chrissy and eddie. a really good one.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

What Is Love? Love Is...

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: look sad shit happens, topics of death and loss and all that jazz also alcohol is involved

Genre: it's like just angst; maybe the tiniest bit of fluff but not really lol

Summary: when you suddenly get sick Loki reflects on a conversation you once had // Love is watching someone die // so who's gonna watch you die? ~ Death Cab For A Cutie

***

Loki's face is grim as he looks at you, the love of his life, lying in bed with the others around you. At first glance you look perfectly fine, smiling and laughing with Natasha and Wanda talking to you about any and everything just to keep your mind off of the situation. No one would look at you and know you're on your way towards death's door with very little any of them can do to stop it. A mission gone sideways has you bedridden while Banner works desperately with the medical team to try and save you. It was supposed to be a simple recon mission but getting pushed into some apparently really dangerous plants seriously complicated things. It was lucky Vision had been on the mission team and identified the plants so quickly otherwise you may have died before the jet even got you home.

"Are you still feeling alright? We can get you pain meds if it gets uncomfortable." Tony pokes his head in to check on you.

"I'm fine Tony, someone will get you if it gets painful I'm sure." You tell him.

"The moment you start feeling pain we need to know, we'll have at best like 10 minutes."

"Tony that is not helpful." Steve rolls his eyes.

"Maybe not to her mood but to the chances of her living it is." Tony shrugs turning to leave out of the room. 

"As if we really needed a reminder of how little time we have to fix this." Steve grumbles.

"It's alright Stevie. He's coping the best way he knows how." You smile. You suddenly groan and clutch your stomach sending the room into a flurry. Vision is quick to contact Bruce and Tony while you try desperately to calm everyone down. As things continue to devolve, Loki is reminded of a conversation you'd had with him long before he knew how important you'd be to him.

Tony had thrown one of his many ridiculously large parties and Loki was still very new to the compound. He didn't like the crowds and the guests certainly didn't like him so after a short while of milling about he made his escape. He found himself on one of the balconies in a quiet part of the tower, far from the main room where the party was being held. Loki sat by himself, allowing the stillness of a cool night to combat the overstimulating nature of Tony's events. He was so wrapped up in this satisfaction the night brought him, he jumped when you joined him on the balcony.

"Hiding from the party?" You asked sitting on the balcony floor, your feet dangling over the edge through the bars.

"Are you?" He retorted.

"Kind of. I like these things but after a couple of hours they get so overwhelming I feel like my head is going to explode." You chuckle.

"Wouldn't have pegged a socialite such as yourself to have such an easily drained social battery." He muses.

"I'm a socialite not by choice but by necessity. Tony throws these things and as a member of the team they expect me there and they expect me friendly. That's why I leave early. The longer I'm there the more unfriendly I seem because I get annoyed and the last thing I wanna deal with is a lecture on my PR." You scoff.

"No one's gonna miss you?" Loki asks.

"I make sure enough people see me that it doesn't matter if anyone misses me. I was there." You shrug. "You stick around less than I do though, not worried anyone's gonna miss you?"

"You and I both know no one would even notice if I was or wasn't there." He snorts.

"You sure about that?"

"Do you think anyone would notice? And don't say Thor, he's got a fan club at least 20 people deep at these things. He's preoccupied I'm sure."

"Well I noticed you were missing." You shrug.

"We- hardly talk."

"You don't exactly enjoy talking to the rest of us."

"That's true." He chuckles.

"Can I ask you something?" You look over your shoulder at him.

"If you must."

"What keeps you here?"

"What do you mean?"

"For how much you seem to hate Earth and like, the team, why stick around in the first place? Why not go back to Asgard? Are you that close to Thor?"

"You think I stay here because of Thor?"

"Well, he's the only person here you have a connection to. I can't imagine why you'd stay here instead of returning to Asgard."

"There's nothing for me back on Asgard."

"Really?"

"Is that so surprising?"

"I just wonder- how bad it could be there for you to stay on a planet you hate. I mean, there are other places you could go right? So why here? Do you have a lover or something?" You ask which makes Loki laugh a full genuine laugh that you don't think you've ever heard from him. He's usually just dry snickers.

"A lover? Here on Earth? That's an idea."

"Too farfetched for you to find love here on Earth?"

"On Earth." He hums.

"Is love not on the table for you in general?"

"It's- What is love anyway?"

"Someone told me once that love is watching someone die." You hum.

"What?"

"Love is watching someone die. So I guess the real question is who's gonna watch you die?"

"Who's gonna watch you die? That's so morbid."

"Yeah well, she was dying when she said it." You shrug standing up.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"I'm pretty tired, but it was nice talking to you Loki."

"You're just going to drop an existential question and then leave?"

"You asked me what is love, I'm asking you who's going to watch you die. Maybe the answer to that will tell you what love is." You say leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Love is watching someone die.

It's not something Loki understood at the time, it's something he barely understood yesterday, but now, as everyone panics around you, it finally clicks. He's here because he loves you, everyone in the room is here because they love you and now they're practically holding their breaths knowing each passing moment takes you a little farther away from them. Still, no one, not even Loki would rather be anywhere but right here at this moment. Because he loves you even if that means watching you die. It doesn't feel fair, you had all these plans you'll never get to see through but Loki would rather lose you than never experience what it means to be loved by you. Maybe it's only in these moments that someone knows who truly loves them; by whose left when time is just about running out.

So, when the shrill beeps of the heart monitor trade in their steady tempo for a prolonged sound and the room finally stills with the reality of time being up, Loki doesn't even stand to join the circle around your bed. All he does is whisper ever so quietly to himself,

"Love is watching someone die."

***

[buggyzwrld]

the man next door (henry creel/reader) oneshot

*a/n: here's an idea i had after watching vol. 2. i needed something to write while thinking about wtf im gonna do with my highschool AU story of henry. we are gonna pretend this takes place in 1983, and el is 11 years old, and the massacre happened just months earlier. also we are gonna pretend steve and robin are friends too in 1983 lol, ignoring canon like usual. also i know henry's name is not peter, but im just letting him assume that name because him & el are essentially lying low and assuming new names after escaping the lab. also no beta we die like men, i didn’t proofread this

*warnings: traumatic flashbacks, kidnapping, strong language, blood, manipulating behaviors, stalking, choking

comments are always welcome! i hope you enjoy !

-

Hawkins was a strange, strange town. Some say it’s almost cursed. You’d have to agree, the odd disappearances, the claims of sights of weird alien-like creatures, the odd governmental facility that hid itself amongst the shroud of woods, almost like something out of some cheesy sci-fi horror film. However, the strangest thing you could find about all of Hawkins, was its people.

One of those people happened to be your new neighbor. 

Mr. Peter Ballard, you’ve only spoken in passing, introducing himself when you went to your mailbox and just happened to catch him pulling up in his driveway. He was quite a friendly man, from what you could tell, quite attractive too, if you could admit. He’d only been living in the small house for maybe about 2 months, and you didn’t even know anyone new was moving in. There were no moving trucks, no clothes, no furniture, no belongings… nothing. Just him, and a small girl with very short hair, who you’d assume was his daughter, coming in and out of the house. 

Even now, as you sit on your porch, watching him pull in his driveway with his odd black car that looked like a government vehicle, you were still quite intrigued. As he stepped out of the vehicle, he caught you staring, he simply smiled and waved at you, and you only offered a small hand, much to your embarrassment. 

“Shit..” Muttering under your breath, “He caught me staring.” You got up quickly out of your rocking chair and ran into your house quickly, slamming the door, putting one hand on your temples. 

“Way to be a creep, huh, (Name)?” You looked back to the window leading out to the front yard, where his car was in view, “He probably thinks I’m some nosy ass weirdo..” 

Walking back to the window you peered through the blinds again, seeing the back of his blonde hair as he was pulling bags out of the back seat of the car. 

“Groceries..” You whispered to yourself, then seeing the young girl leaning over in the trunk, getting out a jug of milk, walking back as her frilled dress bounced with her movements, “I guess they are pretty normal people, after all, huh?” 

You couldn’t help but be intrigued. You barely had neighbors, you lived in a more isolated part of town, preferring to be away from much of the strange activities much of the townsfolk talked about. Much of your backyard stretched into woods carrying, hopefully, nothingness, and you stayed in your small shack-like home. New to the small town life, moving to Hawkins only a year ago, nothing bothered you, the quietness of it all never made you uneasy. The only time you would go out is to work your part time job at Family Video, grocery shop, and maybe, when you're feeling a little spicy, go out to eat, by yourself of course. You led a simple life, no one knew who you were, of course, being slightly new to the town. However, there was a small stretch that bothered you. 

You had started receiving strange notes in the mail. Not just any kind of note, but love letters. At first, it was funny, childish, even. The first note you ever received was in a yellow card, with a cute bunny rabbit holding a heart, on the inside saying some cute cheesy romantic line, and there was your name under it, surrounded by red hearts. You laughed it off, maybe they had the wrong (Name), there had to be another in Hawkins, right? The letters began to escalate slightly, the most recent you received a week ago, talking of how they wanted to, “take you out to dinner, I know your favorite place.” You simply threw it in the trash, thinking nothing of it, somebody silly was just playing a game, maybe it was even one of your coworkers. It was becoming quite a nuisance, really. 

You up at the tiny clock over your stove, “2:15 already..” grumbling, getting up lazily to go get ready for your mundane part-time job. Throwing on your green vest, “Family Video,” proudly etched on the right side of the chest, and your bright orange name tag, blaring, “(Name).” Throwing your keys around your index finger, sighing as you exited the house, locking the door, and getting in your, starting in it, praying today would go decent. 

                                                                        -

Thursdays were terribly boring, unfortunately. It was the quiet before the storm of the weekend, and you lazily lounged behind the counter, doodling on the notepad used to write down names for customers. 

“God, I’m bored, Robin.” You grumbled, rolling your head back in the chair and staring at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. 

“Well, you COULD be helping me organize these returned movies,” She sarcastically retorted back, organizing her pile in alphabetical order on the small cart used to maneuver movies around. 

“I could also be doing so much more with my life right now,” You leaned your head back at her and smiled, “But I’m working at Family Video in Hawkins,Indiana, right?”

“It’s not bad…” She trailed off looking to the side, “for a highschooler, like me, I guess.” Nervous laughter followed. 

“Right,” You then swiveled the chair you were sitting in around, “By the way, Robbie, I’ve got a question for you.”

Robin opened her eyes in curiosity, and you put your hands on your chin as if you were in deep, meaningful thought. 

“Riddle me this,” You began, “What would you do if you had a secret admirer?” 

“Well, really, that’s not a question for me, that’s more for Steve-” She babbled, but you interrupted her.

“Who sent you letters in the mail.” 

She looked a little shocked, “(Name), that sounds like a stalker! Do you even know who this is? I mean, seriously, I swear, if something happens to you-” The door chimed, interrupting her, signaling someone walked in. 

You turned around quickly, seeing who in God’s name was renting a movie on a Thursday night, when your mouth almost fell agape. 

Peter Ballard. Peter Ballard and his daughter to be exact. 

His eyes recognized yours immediately, his blonde hair haloed by the fluorescent light, he offered his slightly friendly smile as usual. Bending down slightly to whisper something in the young girl’s ear, he let her hand go as she went to roam freely about in the store. He strided up to the desk, feeling like a million ages to you, his hands clasped around the front of his body.

“Hey, (Name),” Peter made direct eye contact with you, your name rolling off his tongue smooth as honey, “I was wondering if you had a certain movie to rent for us.”

“Yeah.. yeah, uh, what movie?” God, you were stuttering, and you’re sure he could sense the nervousness from you, as he laughed slightly after you said that. 

“It might sound a bit weird, if you would excuse me,” He looked slightly over in the direction of his daughter, as if grasping at straws in his head to remember the movie’s name, “I believe it’s called, Cujo?”

“Ah! Cujo.” You were a little shocked, “The movie about the killer dog, right? You want to watch that, Mr. Peter?” You were trying to tease him a little, wanting to see how he would react. 

He took the bait, laughing a little nervously, “It’s really for her,” pointing to where his daughter was, her standing a little tense as Robin was now fawning over how cute she was. 

“Ah…” You said sarcastically, “And how old is she?”

“She’s eleven,” You shot him a look, he just shrugged his shoulders slightly, “Maybe a little eccentric, different.”

“Maybe so,” You smiled, “We have it available to rent, I’ll go get it for you.” You headed to the back, turning around, putting your hands on your face and screaming silently into your hands, you were so embarrassed. 

You huffed loudly as you got to the back, trying to ease the butterflies now alive and well in your stomach, looking for the sacred Cujo movie. 

“Pull it together, (Name)!” Giving yourself a pep talk as you found the movie, preparing to walk back out into the shop, “Yes, he’s your neighbor, he’s hot! But you can’t let him undermine your social skills!”

Feeling satisfied with yourself, you patted your stomach, as if telling the wiggly feelings to go away, and marched back into the shop. 

“Okay… Mr. Peter,” You sat the movie tape on the counter, “Here’s Cujo, hopefully little… um, what is her name, I’m sorry..” You trailed off awkwardly, trying to make a cute personal comment to him, only to realize you didn’t even know his daughter’s name. 

“Oh, her name is El.” Peter said almost in a plain fashion, you almost wanted to ask if it was short for something, but he seemed to be serious, his daughter’s name was two letters. 

“El! Hopefully little El is happy with her movie,” You continued the check out process, registering his name in the catalog, “It’s a little gruesome, I heard.”

“Ah..” He leered, “She’s seen worse, believe me.”

You tried to let the comment off your shoulder, as you shot him a quick look, and noticing his smile, you took the comment as a joke, just smiling back. 

“Come on, El,” He called to her, “Thank you so much, (Name), you’ve appeased us both for the night, really.” 

“Oh, you’re welcome!” You exclaimed, a bit too excitedly, “Have a good night!” 

Peter nodded back, taking his daughter’s hand again and walking out of the shop, bell chiming as they walked out, you still thought about the comment he made.

Hawkins has some strange people, you thought.

“That…” Robin began after a small moment of silence, “That was the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Coming from me, (Name), you know it’s serious.” You just laughed, knowing you were thinking the same as her when you finally got to see him up close. He was beautiful, alright, he had the look of an angel almost. His hair was all fluffy, not neat like it usually was, as if something had tossed it out of its usual look. His blue eyes, which pierced into your soul if you were to talk to him, and his beautiful cheekbones, like they were sculpted by the divine gods themselves. Everything was just perfect, you couldn’t lie, you had a little crush, maybe that’s why you were so nosy about him whenever he moved in. 

“That beautiful man is my neighbor.” You bragged proudly, hands on your hips as you stared at the door where he walked out of. 

                                                                 -

The next morning you were awoken by the sounds of loud birds singing in a chorus. Sitting up you held your head in your hands, the huge headaches you usually had every morning coming on. You reached and grabbed for the bottle of tylenol on the nightstand next to your bed, when you noticed something falling on your palm. 

Blood. 

“What…?” You murmured, rushing out of bed to the bathroom to see just what was the source of the bleeding. Looking into the mirror, your nose was gushing slowly with blood, worrying setting over you. You’ve had the headaches, but nosebleeds now, too? You went to the doctor about headaches, as they’d been going on for about a month now. Wiping the blood out of your nostrils, praying you wouldn’t have to go back to the doctor risking the medical bills you could barely afford to pay. 

Ah, it’s alright, (Name). You’ll be fine. You thought, going back and taking the Tylenol you originally had plans for. Going into the kitchen, you slipped your house slippers on, and threw on a baggy black jacket to go check the mail for today. 

As you opened the door bracing for the cool November breeze to hit you, you heard a small crumble under your feet. Looking down, you saw a bouquet of flowers. They were beautiful, roses, yellow lilies, a few sunflowers, and one odd white jasmine flower standing out to you. Picking up the bouquet, you noticed a small white index card tucked in between the wrapping and the flower, you picked it up, reading to yourself:

“I’m sorry that it’s hurting so bad, it will all be over soon, my (Name). Just relax, wait for me.”

Behind the note, you took notice of a Polaroid picture, of your house. It was taken from an angle, almost as if it was behind the woods.

Your stomach dropped to your knees, and you started to shake slightly, the note still in hand. 

Looking around your mostly empty neighborhood, for the sign of an odd car, a person, anything out of place. Who could know this? You barely spoke to anyone else other than Robin, your literal coworker, she doesn’t even know your address! Peter, you only knew in passing, you two barely spoke. Last night was the most interaction you had!

Then, it felt like the world fell on your head, Robin was right, 

You did have a stalker.

Quickly, you retreated back into the house, slamming the door shut and locking it, going over to all the windows in your house and making sure they were locked, too. Throwing the bouquet in the garbage, you paced around your small kitchen, wondering what you could possibly do. The police of course, but who’d know if they took you seriously? It was “just” a little bouquet, a little note to them, no physical harm done to you… yet. You then thought back to the note, digging in the garbage to find it, pulling it out. Studying its handwriting, you notice how neat and perfect it was. Almost like the person who wrote it… studied the art of the alphabet, there was not a single erase mark, no misspelling, nothing. All T’s crossed, I’s dotted.  It was perfect. Sighing deeply, you retreated to your couch, covering up with a blanket, and turning on the television to hopefully distract you from your everbuilding anxiety. 

Hours passed, and your mind was still racing, zooming with thoughts, eyes and mind wide open.

“Dammit..” You cursed to yourself, “I can’t do this, I can’t..” Stomping back to your room, you went under your bed and pulled out a small tin lunch box, opening it, the smell hitting you immediately. You held the joint in your hands, remembering how you promised your mom before you moved off you would stop your bad habits, but desperate times called for desperate measures. There was still daylight outside, you just needed some fresh air to clear your mind and think.

Walking out to your car, and cranking it up, you noticed Peter’s car was still in his driveway, almost as if he never left his house. Brushing it off, you pulled out of the driveway, and drove over to the playground of one of the neighborhoods a street over from yours. 

                                                                -

Sitting on the swing and lighting the joint, you inhaled deeply, then exhaled. You felt slight relief waver over you, though keeping aware of your surroundings, holding onto your keys tightly just in case of an emergency. However, this neighborhood was nearly empty, or abandoned, atleast. It was beautiful, however, many old houses donned the street, abandoned, some still lived in. It made you wonder what life used to live in the houses, the families that inhabited them. 

One in particular stood out to you, the old Creel house. The people of Hawkins talked of the “creepy Creels,” as if they were a cursed family. They had told you, stay away from that house, it’s cursed, the father, they said, was cursed by a demon, some say he was just batshit crazy.

You agreed with the second opinion. He murdered his entire family, a “demon” doesn’t do that. 

Drawing another hit, you watched the trees blow with the breeze of life, as the big blue house stood frozen in time almost. Although the windows were mostly boarded up, the stained glass window still stood in the door, beautiful in its vintage fashion. 

Then, you noticed it moving back, a tall figure stepping out of the doorway into view onto the porch. Your breath stopped in your throat, holding the joint inches away from your lips, you squint your eyes to get a better view of the figure. It began to walk closer to your field of vision, and you murmured to yourself,

….Peter?

Surely you aren't already high enough to be hallucinating, and hopefully you weren’t so infatuated with Peter that you started hallucinating him. Thankfully, you weren’t, it was him, in the flesh. You just wondered what the hell he was doing in the Creel house. 

He began walking towards you, and you prepared yourself to talk, stuffing the joint in your coat pocket, trying to act as normal as possible, like you didn’t see him come out of an abandoned house, and like he almost didn’t catch you smoking a joint. 

“(Name)?” He called over to you, as he walked closer, “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same, Mr. Peter,” You let it slip, “Why were you in that creepy old house?”

Peter just looked off slightly, then he smiled, “I was revisiting some old family memories, that’s all.” 

“You’re related to the ‘creepy’ Creels?!” You exclaimed, then realized how childish and insensitive you probably sounded. 

Peter gave you a small smile at your exclamation, walked over to the swing beside yours, and sat down, “Not exactly directly. Henry was my second cousin.” He didn’t seem to be bothered by your reaction, turning his head to look you in the eye, as if he was waiting to see your reaction. 

“Ah…” You looked back to the house, avoiding his eye contact, “The boy that died in the coma? I wonder what the father did to him, to make him succumb to such an… unfortunate circumstance…” You tried not to sound too insensitive, again.

“Yeah,” Peter began, looking at the house, too, “It really is unfortunate isn’t it?”

His tone sounded a bit off, much like the comment he made at the video shop last night, but you brushed it off, allowing silence to overtake the conversation as you got lost in your thoughts. 

“(Name),” Peter cut through, “Are you alright?” You shot your head up to look at him, meeting eyes that pierced you deeply, as if he could see every thought or feeling that circulated in your brain. 

“Um, yeah,” You started, “Yeah, Peter, I’m okay.” 

“I’m sorry,” He played with his hands a little, “You just seemed like you were worrying about something.” 

You thought back to the note and bouquet this morning, your headaches, newly found nosebleeds, everything that has happened in the past month or so, noticing his body language, paying attention to your tension. Oh, what the hell could you lose telling him?

So you did, partially.

“Well..” You stammered slightly, “I’ve been getting these weird notes in the mail. Like, I have a stalker, kind of.. I guess.” Staring at the ground, you waited for his response, but he just wanted you to talk more.

“And… I’m scared. I’m scared, Peter. One of the notes today, described something only I should know.” You fidgeted with the fabric of your pants, when he turned his body towards you. 

“Do you want me to watch your house?” Peter questioned suddenly, “I can stay up through the night, to see if someone peeks through windows, leaves notes, anything like that, you know.” You looked up at him, the thought of even suggesting someone other than you near your home, startled you, now you were scared to even go back. You’d been gone, what if somebody snuck in?

Almost as if he had read your mind, he answered back, “How about you stay with me and El for the night? You seem a little too shaken up to go back home alone. We’re right next door, so if you needed anything from your home you could walk over there. I’d watch you, of course.”

God this man is too nice, you thought, it's killing me.

You thought about his offer, knowing for sure if you went back home, you wouldn’t be able to sleep, you’d be too worried about if someone was being a peeping Tom outside your house. 

Peter then added, “Of course, I’d provide food. Also, El and I haven’t watched Cujo yet, so, you’re invited, if you would like.”

 You furrowed your brows a little, thinking of the possibilities. You didn’t want to be alone, but also the thought of staying in a stranger’s house made you feel uneasy.However… Peter seemed to be a caring, thoughtful man, though, and from what you could see, he took care of El okay. 

“Um, sure, I would like that. Thank you.” You met his eyes, now crinkled up from his sweet smile, happy at your response.

 Hopefully he didn’t notice the reluctance in your voice. 

                                                                 -

The house was cute, small, and comfortable for a single father and his daughter. You noticed upon walking in the lack of furniture, or any home decorations. There were no family pictures, no plants, just a small couch in the living room, sitting across from the small television box that was set inside a small entertainment center. The kitchen was connected to the living room, much like your house, with a wall, nestled in between, a sliding window sitting separating contact between the people in front and behind it. You were sitting on the couch with El, watching her play with the red Etch-a-Sketch, her turning the knob in focus, as if what she was drawing had lots and lots of meaning. 

“Let me guess,” You started, seeing a few legs being drawn out of the creature, “This is.. A butterfly?”

El smiled a little, “Kind of close. It is a spider.” 

You looked back down, an odd spider indeed, it was big, black, and it’s legs were really, really long, with an oblong head, and you noticed it towered over a few houses.

“Right..” You chuckled nervously, not wanting to say it looked like something out of a horror movie, fearing it would hurt the girl’s feelings. 

“They are H… Peter’s favorites,” El stuttered cautiously, almost as if she made a grave slip up.

What did she almost call him? Thinking to yourself, she didn’t even call him “dad,” however the thought slipped when El quickly changed the conversation before you could question her.

“What is this?” She pointed to one of your many, many ear piercings, this one being the long piece of jewelry going through the top part of your ear.

“Ah!” You got excited, ready to tell the story of your brave and daring industrial piercing, the one that your mom found so disapproving she almost kicked you out of the house for the sixth time, when Peter opened the sliding window separating the kitchen and the living room. 

“Dinner is ready.” He stated, you almost forgot he was cooking, until you smelled the savory flavors coming from the kitchen. 

You and El situated yourselves at the small kitchen table, nestled with three seats, perfectly fit for your trio. 

Peter went around carrying the pot, with a huge spoon, dumping servings on your plates, “It’s spaghetti, (Name), a little basic, but it’s the only thing I could think that everyone would like.”

You stared down at your plate, you were hungry nonetheless, the stress of the day making you forget to eat, “Are you crazy, Peter? This looks amazing, I’m starving, anyways.” He chuckled, watching you as if you almost forgot your manners picking up the utensils. 

You dug into the spaghetti, trying not to eat like a wolf devouring prey, but upon tasting the first bite, you were amazed. It was really, really, really, REALLY good. You almost saw stars. 

He can cook too, what a man… your thoughts making you smile through your fork in your mouth.

“How is it, (Name)?” He inquired, seeing that you were smiling.

“It’s amazing!” You exclaimed, rather childishly, earning a smile from El as she ate quietly. 

After finishing your meals, the three of you nestled on the small couch to watch Cujo, it was getting quite late, and you felt your eyes getting heavy. You looked to El, who was sitting between the both of you, fast asleep, her head lay on Peter’s shoulder. 

“Wow,” You joked, “She didn’t even make it through the first 40 minutes.” 

Peter turned his head down to look at her, El now drooling on his white sweatshirt, “Such a sleepyhead, she is.” He mocked, joking with you. 

“You look a little sleepy too, (Name).” He turned his attention to you, noticing your half-lidded eyes. It was true, you got your stomach full, and now you wanted nothing else than to rest, the stress of the day had worn you out. 

“Maybe…” You gave him a sleepy smile, then he interjected, 

“You can sleep in my bed,” Your face grew hot, did he mean, in his bed, with him? Is that why he brought you over here, to make a move on you while little El was asleep? Surely, you didn’t think Peter was the type of man to move so fast.

“I’ll take El to her room, and I’ll sleep on the couch,” He continued, your unspoken thoughts leaving your head after. 

“Oh, are you sure you don’t want me to sleep on the couch? It’d be more comfortable for you-”

“I’m keeping a watch out, remember?” Peter interrupted you as he got up to pick up El, cradling her small body in his arms, then disappearing to the back of the home to take her to her room.

It made sense, and you would feel more protected if Peter stayed in the living room, in case a threat made its way inside the house.

Coming back, Peter walked to the door nestled beside the television, beckoning you to follow him with his finger. 

Getting up, you came over to the door, opening it, he stated, “Here. If you need any extra pillows or blankets, I can get some for you out of the closet.”

The room, like everything else in the house, was barren, the only thing that lay in the room was the bed, and a small wooden vanity with a mirror, nothing donned the desk of the vanity, no pictures, nothing. 

You walked over to the bed, sitting down, jumping slightly to test the comfortableness. It was soft enough, after all, you were staying in a stranger’s house who had cooked you food, and allowed you to sleep in his bed, gratefulness should be your first thought. 

“Thank you, Peter,” You looked at him directly now, his smile looking back at you, “Seriously, thank you, you don’t know what this means to me.”

“I do,” He replied back, turning to leave out of the door, “Now, if you need me, I will be right out here on this couch, okay? I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.” 

You nodded, surprised at his sudden praises of protection, he turned the light off as he watched you nestled into bed, and shut the door, leaving you to yourself.

Nodding off to sleep rather quickly, you felt happy with the sudden security and peace that overtook you, nothing would hurt you, just as he stated.

Peter sat back down on the couch, the movie’s credits rolling as he stared down at the floor, relaxing his hands in his lap. He smirked, thinking of his plan rolling into action.

The outside world wouldn’t taint you anymore, not as long as he had you.

                                                                 -

Waking up out of your slumber, you turned your head to the curtains, noticing sunlight beaming through the window. Morning, already? You thought to yourself, I must have slept a lot better than I thought.

You heard a knock beckon at your door, getting up to go unlock and letting whoever wanted in, until you heard a voice. 

A feminine voice. One you hadn’t heard in over a year.

“(Name)? (Name)?” It was your mother, surely you had to be dreaming, you were at Peter’s house, right? “(Name), open the door honey, I need to talk to you.”

“Mom.. hold on..” You stammered, petrified a little, why did this feel so real? 

“I can’t wait any longer honey, please, open the door, it’s imperative.” Getting up, you slowly walked over to the door, when the knocking turned into aggressive banging, her beginning to shake the lock furiously. 

“Open the fucking door, (Name)!” She roared, “I know what you were doing last night! You came home, through the window, out being a whore, huh? You think you can hide that from me?!”

Tears began to pierce your eyes, putting your hands over your ear, pleading for her to stop. You moved to Hawkins exactly for this reason, to escape restraint, to leave that past of yours behind. 

But it followed you, like it traced your footsteps, it was stalking you. 

“Open the door!” Your mother screamed again, now beating the door handle with a bat, coming off with a small “clunk,” your stomach dropping as you heard the noise. 

The door slowly opened, you were now cornered beside the bed, your knees pressed to your chest, hands over your ears, shutting your eyes, hoping you would wake up soon. 

Your mother stomped in suddenly, her tall figure looming over you, her face eerily distorted, her skin looked wet, burned, as if she had been in some type of accident.

“I have a failure as a child! Do you know what they will say about me now?! Think about that, (Name), think about it! I should’ve given you away a long time ago!” She started to point your finger at you, and you began screaming, crying, pleading for help, rocking your fetal position back and forth. 

She came closer, “No!” You screamed pushing her away, however instead of your mother’s figure, your hands were met with the white sweatshirt of the man who offered to let you stay in his house. 

You had pushed him away, as he was trying to help.

“(Name)! Please, are you okay?” Peter crawled back over to you, putting his hand around your outstretched arm, preventing you from hitting him back again. 

“I… I… Peter..” Eyes stained with tears, you looked over to El, who was behind Peter, her face an expression filled with horror. However, she wasn’t looking at you, she was looking at him. 

“I’m sorry.. I’m sorry, I had a nightmare, I-” You were interrupted by him cradling you suddenly, whispering in your ear, “It’s all okay now, it’s over right?” 

You looked up at him, around the room, you’d only hope this was real.

You noticed El stomping off suddenly, as if she was upset, Peter looking at her with a leering expression.

                                                                       -

The next few days, you did not go outside. Not even for work, calling and stating you had caught the flu, hoping it wouldn’t steer Steve and Robin into worry. Your headaches became increasingly worse, and the nosebleeds persisted, but you didn’t go to the doctor, fearing it would provoke an anxiety attack, just thinking about talking to others petrified you. The nightmares persisted, however, they weren’t as traumatizing as the first one, and you barely slept. Huge purple bags formed quickly under your eyes. A note of your waning sanity.

You were officially losing your mind.

After the incident at Peter’s house, you stopped interacting with him, fearing he would think of you as “mental,” after you had pushed him in his own home after the nightmare. That, and you were also embarrassed of what happened. You had noticed one time while peering out of your blinds, El sitting outside with her head resting on her knees, as if she was crying. You wanted to check on her, but you feared crossing paths with Peter. 

The beds of your nails were bloody, after you began a habit of biting them out of anxious tendencies. Today, you were practicing that particular habit, when a feeling of courage to go check your mail finally came over you. Putting on your familiar baggy jacket, you let the hood over your head, preventing others from seeing you, and you seeing others. 

Stepping onto the porch, you noticed, sitting on the highest step, was a pink teddy bear, holding a heart. Your stomach dropped, the taunting started again, just as you had begun building courage to take your life back in your hands. Cautiously, you walked over to the porch steps, picking up the bear, as if a bomb was hidden inside it, you wouldn’t be suprised if there was, at this point. 

Noticing a folded card in between its arm and the heart, you took it out and opened it.

“I know you’re scared, love. Please don’t fear me, I only want to help you. I can fix you, you just have to trust me. If you resist, it doesn’t matter. I will have you. I will have you.  I will have you. I will have you. 

I will have you. I will have you. 

I will have you. I will have you. 

I will have you. I will have you. 

I will have you. I will have you. 

I will have you. I will have you. 

I will have you. I will have you. 

I will have you. I will have you. 

I will have you. I will have you. ..”

Behind the note fell, once again, another Polaroid picture, this time through your bedroom window, you were sleeping, a rare moment for you at this point.

Your throat dried in horror, the note went on just like that, as if it was taunting you, chanting at you. You then noticed a black spider crawling onto your arm, as if it had come from the note, you tried to smack it, but it went away. Then other spiders came crawling out of the bear’s arm where you had gotten the card, you screamed, dropping the bear and the card, shaking your arm as you felt they were there. Looking down, they were gone. You looked around to see if anyone saw you have your little moment, however no one was there, except Peter pulling up in his car. 

You watched as El and him got out of the car, him holding a cake and balloons, she held a jug of red fruit punch juice. 

“Hey, (Name).” He called to you, you repositioned yourself to act normal, walking off the porch haphazardly. 

He smiled as he saw you, it excited him. To see you so ruined, so vulnerable, you looked like you hadn’t slept in days, you barely were taking care of yourself, he loved to see this side of you. You were coming to him, knowing you would crawl and succumb to him eventually.

He loved to see how you needed him.

“Peter…” You looked over to the small girl who wore concern on her face, “El… Hey, what are you guys doing?”

“Today is El’s birthday,” He watched the shock form on your face, “We are having a little celebration, did you want to join us?”

You looked down, he offered quickly, but you hadn’t had social interaction in over a week. You were afraid you would act out again, but then again, it was the poor girl’s birthday, as far as you had seen, she didn’t play with other kids, she wasn’t even in school for as far as you could recall.

Why not?

“Sure…” You replied, looking back up at him, “Let me go clean myself up first, though.”

                                                                      -

You, El, and Peter sat around the table as you ate the meal he cooked up for her birthday. It was apparently one of her favorites: waffles, Peter added bacon and eggs as a side, noting that waffles were not too filling for him. It was oddly quiet, with you and Peter joking here and there, you noticed he would look down at your drink you never touched, the fruit juice, but you opted for water instead, juice you had outgrown years ago. El, however, looked solemn for her birthday, as if she’d rather be doing anything else, you would have to talk with her later. Suddenly you got up from your seat, “Hey, Peter, where’s the toilet? I’ve got to use it.”

He pointed down the hallway to the back of the kitchen, “Down there, and to the left.”

“Thank you,” Walking down the hallway, you looked for the door to the left, however something more peculiar took your eye. 

You noticed a door slightly ajar, with red lighting coming from it, peering over your shoulder, you noticed Peter and El still eating, not paying attention to whatever you were doing. Promising yourself it would be quick, curiosity got the best of you, and you quietly slipped in the door.

However, what you found threatened you to become nauseous. 

Pictures, so many pictures, hanging up on the wall. There were pictures of your house, mostly at night, and some during the day when you weren’t at home. There were pictures of you through the side window of the house. Even pictures of you working at Family Video. You noticed little notes under the picture, noting what you were doing, or the date of which the picture was taken. 

The handwriting looked eerily familiar. The same as the notes that had been harassing your consciousness for almost 2 months now.  

You stumbled back, mouth agape, when you bumped into something hard.

Turning around quickly, you noticed it was Peter, however his expression wore something more ragged, almost feral. 

“I thought you were going to the bathroom..” He hissed deeply, his voice changing from the usual sweet tone to something more sinister. 

“Peter, what the fuck is this?!” You cried, the man who'd you allowed to protect you that night was the culprit behind these harassments. Anger began to seethe through you, he was the reason why you were mentally breaking down, why you couldn’t leave the house, why you were literally going insane. 

“You weren’t supposed to see this, (Name),” He sighed, then grabbed your arm rather aggressively, “I suppose it was going to happen sooner or later..”

“Let go of me, you fucking psycho!” You wrestled against his rough embrace, fighting back, feeling your throat suddenly become constricted. 

You began to choke, noticing he kept his free outstretched arm, tightening his grip with his finger in an almost close fist, a pressure building, threatening to crush your throat, the telekinetic pressure becoming tighter and tighter.

“Let’s not do this the hard way, (Name), okay?” You struggled against the constriction, face turning red as you began to lose air, “I don’t want to hurt you. Just listen to me, hm?”

An idea popped into your head, noticing a crowbar leaning on the wall beside where you stood. You nodded, hoping he would take note of your “subordination” to him. 

He slowly started to ease up, “Good..” murmuring to himself as he released his grip slowly, bringing his arm down to the side. Seeing as he was off guard, you took it as your chance, grabbing the long crowbar and quickly hitting him upside the head, he growled, falling to the floor and holding his head. 

You ran out of the room, headed to the front door, when you noticed El, passed out on the floor with the red solo cup filled with fruit juice beside her, spilled on the floor. Stopping in horror at the girl’s form, you quickly regained your senses running to the opened front door when it closed suddenly. 

“No! Fuck…” You screamed, trying to turn the knob to open aggressively, but it wouldn’t budge, “Somebody! Help me, please.. Somebody.” Voice trailing off, you knew it was hopeless, nobody was around to even take notice of you. 

You heard footsteps behind you, and you turned around slowly, tears forming in your eyes, seeing Peter’s blurry form. 

He walked closer towards you, stepping over El’s unconscious body, his expression like a wild animal closing in on their prey. His hair was deranged, partly from where you had smacked him with the crowbar, noticing blood running down his temple. 

“Oh, (Name),” He started, voice low, he was now inches away from your face, bending down slightly to accustom himself to your height, “You’re scared, aren’t you? Don’t be afraid of me, I’m not going to hurt you, I want to help you.”

“Help me? How the fuck is this helping me?” You whimpered, feeling defeated at how weak you sounded, he took the crook of index finger and wiped the tears coming down your cheek. 

“Yes, help you, I did this all for a reason. You needed someone. All alone, in that small house, weak, pathetic, running from your issues, your past. You’re different, like me.” He smiled slightly down at you, “I was once weak like you, pathetic, not knowing my own power, but now… I know. I know who I am. I know what I’ve become. I’m going to use that to fix you. I just had to break you first.” He trailed his thumb over your chin, you were speechless, at a loss for words, anger and defeat taking over you at the same time. It felt like ridiculing the way he looked down at you, as if he was the savior and you were a sinner in need of saving. To him, you were.

“Fuck you. I don’t need your help.” You spat at him in the face, him taking his arm tucked behind his back and putting the chloroform rag over your nose, you began resisting again as he put his other arm around your neck, holding you in a chokehold while he intertwined his legs with yours amidst the struggle. Your vision began to falter, arms falling as you became lightheaded, slowly slipping out of his grip, him catching you by the back of your head and your back, easing your fall.

. He stroked your cheek lightly as he bent down with his knees tucked into his chest. This was okay, he thought, you’ll accept him eventually, and then, he would reshape you how he saw fit for himself. 

                                                                        -

You awoke to your head smashing around in complete darkness, jolting out of your sleep, wondering where you were. It was completely dark, however, you were being jolted around, as if…. You were in a trunk. You began thrashing your bound legs against the roof of the trunk, screaming at the top of your lungs, causing ruckus, maybe hopefully bringing some attention to the drivers in other cars. You felt the vehicle slow to a stop, possibly pulling over. You heard a door open, and shoes clacking against the ground, then you saw the light. The trunk opened to Peter, him looking down on you, grimacing slightly, “Why are you making all this noise?” 

“You have me in a dark trunk you asshole,” You sneered at him, spitting at his feet. Again, with the spitting, he became angry and pulled you out of the trunk by your arms, dropping you, allowing your face to slam into the pavement, you groaned in pain.

He then crouched down to your level, pulling your hair up to look at him, “How many times do I have to tell you this, (Name)? We don’t have to do this the hard way.”

You felt pressure constricting your throat again, you began to cough, choking as you gasped for air. Looking up, you saw his hand constricting to a fist again, as he tightened his grip, the pressure would become harder. 

“Peter..” You gasped, barely being able to speak syllables, “Please..Sorry..” you pleaded with the energy you had left. 

Peter’s face bore a neutral expression, as if he was studying your reaction, but not that it was enough to satisfy him. He kept going. 

You pleaded again, cut off by hearing the sound of a car coming up. Peter snatched you up by your arms, closed the trunk and quickly shuffled you to the passenger side of the car, shoving you into the passenger seat. Gasping for your air back, your eyes bugged out of your mind, you turned your attention to the back seat, where El was silently crying while her hand lay over her mouth to keep her sobs from squeaking out. 

She took her hand away from her mouth, mouthed, “I’m sorry,” and turned her head away from the window where Peter couldn’t see her crying as he got into the driver’s seat. 

He buckled you in your seatbelt, as your hands were bound, and buckled himself too, silently starting the car and pulling off into the road again. 

You stared out the window as you took notice of nothing but rows of trees, your short Hawkins life far behind you.

[rrazor]

hq boys as non-sexual things that feel sensual

tags: mildly suggestive content (mostly pining)

bokuto: certain phrases are very sexually charged; “make me,” or “what are you gonna do about it” lunch time!! bokuto comes back from the cafeteria with his pork-cutlet sandwich to see you engaged in a card game with three other people. He sees that everyone’s bet something and you bet a strawberry danish you bought this morning and bokuto’s eyes go 🤩 he forces himself in LMFAO and makes sure to sit next to you 🥰❤️ in the end, it’s only you and him left (konoha and komi come over from their classes to see what all the fuss is about and they’re like …..how is bokuto doing so well 😶)

but you win and steal his sandwich on the desk 😈 he tries to defame you for cheating lol but all you do is look at him coyly like “and what are you gonna do about it, bokuto-kun? 😇” and suddenly his tongue feels heavy and his cheeks flush and he’s all 🥺👉👈 he asks you for the bread back because its his only lunch 😭💀 but he ends up winning sm more because you offer to share your bento with him and his heart goes 🥰💖💞

akaashi: sitting next to someone and your shoulders/thighs touch it’s the sports festival!! and it’s lunch break. he spots you sitting on a bench and he starts sweating at the idea of sitting next to you but he wants to be near you somewhat because then MAYBE you’ll talk to him??!? hopefully 🥺💔

he swallows his nerves and sits on the bench too but on the other side with a huge gap between you and your friend. he pulls out his phone to look “busy” LMFAO then, more of your friends come over and suddenly, you’re snug against him, your BARE THIGH touching his because you’re both in shorts and akaashi thinks he gonna pass out with the bashful apology you give him 😵 he thanks every deity he can think of that your friends came over and STAY because your leg is still touching his and he’s holding a conversation with you 😭🥺🥳💕💖❤️😍

konoha: having someone use your keyboard standing up while you’re sitting in front of it you’re in one of the school’s computer labs working on a research essay. akinori sits next to your station, having worked up the courage earlier to ask you if you could help him with his. he sneaks glances at you at the printers as you refill the trays with more paper 👀 he blushes even though you aren’t even doing anything to him 😭😔💔

before he can stop himself, he calls your name lmfao 🗣 but manages to save himself from utter embarrassment by asking you to look over one of his passages. coming over, you lean over him, hands on his keyboard as he leans back. his eyes are wide and cheeks ruddy as he tries so hard to keep cool because you’re so close 😍🥺💕 and god does he hope what he wrote was coherent because he thinks he’d d-word if you said it made no sense 😓😵

kuroo: when you’re sitting next to someone and they lean over and reach across you to grab something another day, another group project. kuroo gets added to a group with you and another guy because he was absent for volleyball. the two of you push your desks next to him and he’s fist pumping internally because you’re sitting next to HIM and not the other guy and he gets to act as the barrier AHAHAH 😇🥳😛

you’re working together when you ask one of your friends to pass over the notes she took from you. she’s sitting in front of kuroo, but diagonally to the right so she leans back and you lean forward to grab the papers. your arm accidentally brushes his chest and kuroo short circuits 😶 you’re SO CLOSE and your body is nearly laid over his entire desk and if he moves his hands up he could probably touch your chest HJAKHSDLKASD 👁👄👁 the guy next to him looks at him all 😐 as kuroo goes INSANE 🤯

kita: hugging from behind he’s home alone, studying in the living room for his university exams. you’re in the kitchen with his grandma helping her with tonight’s dinner. he smiles softly to himself hearing the two of you laugh 😊🥰💞

he’s halfway through a derivatives question when you hug him from behind, arms coming around him as you rest your head on his shoulder blades 🥺💘 when you softly tell him dinner is almost ready, his chest warms and a soft smile appears on his face ❤️💖

atsumu: the guys strapping you in on a roller coaster. are we gonna kiss? why are you giving me that eye contact? inarizaki’s vbc get together to go to the local amusement park!! they get in and the first thing the twins want to do is ride all of the roller coasters so after a ridiculously long line up, atsumu’s sitting next to osamu, waiting for an attendant to come buckle them in, when you suddenly come up in your cute uniform and hair tied up and atsumu’s like SHIT ITS YOU 😳 also damn y didn’t you tell him you worked here he could have gotten discounted tickets smh 🥴😒

anyways you come up to them to buckle them up with him first and he doesn’t really notice anything but you buckle the first strap really tight and he’s like “does it need to be so tight 😘” and you tell him, making eye contact, using your best customer service voice (vocal bottoming but at least you get paid) and with a pretty smile on your face that doesn’t reach your eyes, “yes, unless you want to die. and if you do, don’t do it on this ride because my shift ends in ten minutes and i don’t want to stay here to write a report about a dumbass who ko’d on a roller coaster 🥰” and he BLUSHES oop— 👁👅👁

osamu: having your back scratched you sit next to each other in class and it’s self study time and you’re helping him with the english homework that was assigned when his back starts feeling itchy. he rolls and moves his shoulders to try to alleviate it, but it just isn’t working so he brings a hand back to scratch at it, but he’s not flexible enough to reach it 😔 you ask him what’s wrong and he puts his arm down like he got burned because he doesn’t want to be seen doing something weird in front of you or making a weird face so he just says nothing but you raise a brow and go “are you itchy?” and he nods JAJCKKAD

you bring your arm up to where he was just scratching, “here?” a shake of his head, “no, a little to the right.” AND YOU SCRATCH RIGHT AT IT!!!!! he can feel his shoulders slump as he closes his eyes and groans a little WHOOP he’s SUPER EMBARRASSED but you just laugh it off and scratch him some more before going back to work and he looks at you like 🥺💖 why’d you stop?? even though you’re not even looking at him LOL 😞 touches his back that night in the shower like your hands were so small 😯😍😳 and maybe he should be itchy more often but it also quickly turns to she better not be touchy feely with anyone else 😒

suna: someone writing on your arm he’s forced to take this one evening class this semester because it’s not offered the next one and he needs to take it because it’s a prereq for almost every other course ugh but at least the cute girl who sits next to him lets him copy her notes LMFAO 😭💀 he left all his belongings in the gym’s lockers because he was going to go back anyways for practice so when the professor gives out a code for a free trial of the software they have to use for the homework assignment due in a week, he’s like shit; he left his phone in his bag 🤡💔

you offer to write it down on his arm, grabbing a pen from your pencil case. he nods like sure why not so you take his arm and push the sleeve of his hoodie up and start writing and he just stares at you 👀 your writing is cute and he kinda likes the feel of your hands on him 🤧 class ends and you part ways with a wave. It’s not until he’s reached the gym that he realized you could have just messaged the code to him on facebook 🤨 so he pushes his sleeve up and sees your phone number on his arm under the code 😘 aren’t you smooth!!! 😌

iwaizumi: when someone is putting the car in reverse and they put their hand on the back of your seat iwaizumi been interested in you for a while, and ever since he came to the revelation he finds it really hard to talk to you because he’s afraid of coming off too aggressive or you figuring it out 😔💔 good thing kindaichi reveals that you’re his older cousin and that you’ll be driving some of them to their next practice match because the volleyball team’s bus is out for a checkup!! 😍😘 oikawa, matsukawa and hanamaki all force him to sit shotgun as you drive (even kunimi and yahaba get in on it). iwaizumi grumbles about it and all but he’s secretly super happy he gets to be right next to you omg 👀😭 he takes a bunch of glances around the interior of your (parents’) car and sits a little straighter than he usually would.

he can feel the stares on the back of his head from the other third years egging him on to make a move and just when he works up the nerve to say something to you, you put the car in reverse to back out the parking spot and put your hand on the back of his seat 😳😤 iwaizumi thinks you look so cool AND HOT he clams up and just stares at you with his jaw slightly open 👁👄👁 💕pls save him 🤧

matsukawa: when a girl puts her hand up to yours and remarks on how yours is so much bigger you got randomly paired up with each other to do a presentation for your world history class and so you’re sitting next to each other on a saturday afternoon at the public library doing research together. matsukawa spent more time than he would like thinking about what to wear because he doesn’t want you to think that his fashion sense was as grotesque as the school’s khaki pants 😷🤢 (when you complimented him nonchalantly about how he looks a million times better in casual clothes compared to the school uniform and joking said that he should start a petition to get rid of the school’s ugly khaki plaid pants and skirts and use a photo of what he was wearing today as the main piece of evidence, he almost doubles over 💀)

you’re sitting next to each other and he’s still kinda reeling from the previous interaction ahjdalhd but he does his best to pull his weight. he’s taking notes in a notebook and you look over and comment out of the blue that his hands are really big as you look at yours 🤧👀 he blinks and looks at you like “yeah?” and you nod, putting your hand up and he does it too because he thinks he’s having a fever dream at this point, but not even in his wildest dream did he’’d ever think you’d push your palm against his and say “your hand is so big! 😳” he has to excuse himself to go to the washroom to scream 😘🥰❤️

hanamaki: when you’re sitting next to someone on public transport and the centrifugal force from the vehicle firmly mooshes the two of you together hanamaki pines for you silently and you can’t really tell he likes you because he’s pretty decent at keeping his emotions hidden. or maybe you’re just so busy with your senior year you don’t notice anything that isn’t the impending doom of university applications and keeping your grades up 😤😇 anyways the two of you get on and off at the same stop each day (which he secretly thanks god for 😭) and you’re sitting next to each other and hanamaki thinks he’s gonna combust because you’ve never been this close!! 🥺🥰

he can feel his hands getting sweaty already. hanamaki sneaks glances at you and tries to see what you’re doing on your phone LMFAO suddenly, the train lurches a bit and you slide from the inertia right into his side and then he can feel the warmth coming from your thighs, side and your shoulder are touching holy sh— 😭❤️😵👀💖 you look up to apologize as he takes a breath and you’re a little shy in your apology but he takes that chance to ask you about something mundane and he makes you laugh!!!! he thinks about the interaction for the next two weeks because he finally got to talk to you dhaskld ☺️🥺💕

kyoutani: when anyone raises their arms to stretch and their shirt gets lifted up slightly gym class—you’re doing timed runs today!! kyoutani is already finished with his so he’s just sitting off the side of the track, staring not-so-subtly at you but you don’t notice because it’s your turn next!! you’ve got the typical school mandated shorts and plain t-shirt on but kyou is all 👀 at your tastefully exposed skin. he thinks you look pretty with the sun hitting your face as you give a smile to your friend, squinting at the sun light 🥰

he’s just mindlessly staring at this point but then you raise your arms to stretch your triceps and the hem of your shirt rises up a little to expose the tiniest sliver of skin before it’s covered again 👁👁 his cheeks pink a little and you catch him looking LMFAO but you don’t think anything of it and just smile and wave as kyoutani burns bright red, heart battering against his ribs and looks away 😡🤡🥰💕 he saves it for future reference HURDURDUR 😇😛

ushijima: when a woman does that thing where she tucks her hair behind her ear while making direct eye contact ushijima is INTERESTED in you, likes you, is intrigued, would like to hold your hand and rub the back of your hand and feel the soft skin with his thumb—same thing 🥰 you’re talking to him about something for the cultural festival and he’s nodding along to what you’re saying because you’re so brilliant and responsible for working on the school festival committee wOW 🤩

time seems to move in slow motion as you look up him whilst tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. he zones in on the shy smile on your face, your cute cheeks, glossy lips and pretty eyes 🥺🥰 “ushijima-san?” “yes?” “what do you think?” “that’s a great idea, I will ask my team members for their input as well.” you nod exuberantly even though he has no idea what you’re talking about but your cute smile makes him all mushy on the inside 💖💕

semi: making eye contact with another customer at the grocery store around the same age it’s 2:11pm on a tuesday and semi’s at the grocery store because it’s summer and his mom was all “go to the store and buy these shimeji mushrooms for me, eita, they’re on sale!!! but only until 3pm so get skedaddling!” 😩 so he’s here and he swears housewives are the most powerful people on the planet because he thought he was gonna d-word just tryna get his discount mushrooms. he spots you in the condiments aisle looking at sesame oil and he gives you the up, down and lingers a little too long on your exposed legs 💀

he thinks you look really cute in your t-shirt and jean shorts though 🥰 when you look up and make eye contact with him and give him a little smile and wave he BLUSHES 🥺 and is right about to take the chance to talk to you but a granny hip checks him trying to get to the soybean paste and he almost trips and lands on his face 😔💔 so much for looking cool in front of you 😢🥺

tendou: having someone else play with your hair satori sees you on cleaning duty carrying the recycling to the bins as he finishes his runs around the school, about to make a turn to the gyms. he makes a beeline for you, calling your name with a bright smile on his face and waving his arms in the air. 🥰💞🥺

he bounds up to you and offers to help even though the bin is really light, cheeks warming at your smile 😊 when he takes the bin out of your hands , you wave your hand to get him to bend down. he complies, eyes widening when he feels your hand in his hair. he straightens up to see you holding onto a couple pieces of cherry blossom petals 🌸 he laughs bashfully; it feels like time has slowed and you’re the only two people in the world 💖💕

sakusa: if you’re on a pc/laptop, somebody leaning over your shoulder to look at the screen with you. the close proximity of your faces can feel awkwardly sexual you’re in the same kinesiology class and sakusa first noticed how GOOD your presentations are wtf and he’s even more impressed when he hears that you winged the whole thing because “i conveniently forgot about this until one in the morning when I decided it was a good time to reorganize your entire dorm room” ALSO you offered him hand cream the one time you caught him staring and against all reason he said yes and ever since he’s been dying to ask you where you got it from because HOLY was it nice 😍

you get paired up for the final pair presentation and he’s only become more interested in you! you’re easy to talk to and don’t pry too much and he finds himself oversharing at times 💀 the professor gives the class part of the lecture time to work on the projects so you’re sitting next to each other working when he asks you a question about the academic article he just found and you lean over his shoulder to look at his screen 👁👁 for anyone else, the close proximity of your faces would have grossed him out but he can’t stop thinking about how good you smell and how cute your ears look 👀🥰 when you tell him he’s found a really good source with an excited smile on your face, he BLUSHES and promptly wants to pass away because he has no mask on to cover him 🤡😭😵

sachiro: when you have a melting popsicle, there often comes a time where you must choose between eating it too quickly, or sucking it off so it doesn’t drip on you sachiro hums happily, holding your hand as the two of you walk home after your date and stopping at the convenience store where he buys the two of you popsicle sticks 😋

you’re talking about something funny you saw hoshiumi do in the class the other day when your popsicle drips onto you. you kitten lick at your hand and take the whole thing in your mouth to get rid of the more liquidy parts of your ice cream and sachiro is all 👁👄👁 he swallows thickly, cheeks warming and heart beating a little faster; why’s he suddenly so thirsty? 🥵💦🙈

gao: getting a strong whiff of somebody’s perfume when they pass you gao really wants to talk to you, like really really wants to talk to you 😖😭🙏 but you’re talking to your friends about something and the cute way you laughs and joke with them has him all 🥺🥰🤩

he’s about to walk up and join the conversation because let’s face it, gao isn’t afraid of much 🤧💀 too bad the teacher calls you back into the classroom about something. when you pass him, he gets a good whiff of your shampoo and his stomach flutters 😍😊🥺💕💖 follows you with sparkly eyes and wishes he made the choice to talk to you sooner 💔

futakuchi: bending over to pick up something you dropped kenji is watching (glaring) as you talk to one of the baseball team’s starting players 🤐 he’s so ticked but he doesn’t admit it like where does this guy get off making you laugh and smile like that wtf 😒🙄 luckily for kenji, the guy gets pulled away by the class rep for something so kenji calls your name to get you to look at him instead 😤

you come over and just as he’s about to stand up from his desk, he knocks over his eraser. you crouch down to pick it up and he finds himself really liking it 👁👁 he doesn’t get it either 🤡 like you aren’t bending and snapping—just folding your knees to get his eraser for him, but the way you tucked your hair behind your ear before you bent down so prettily has him ☺️😉🥵

terushima: when you’re eating and chatting with someone and they lick their lips yuuji pulled you away from your friends when it was time for lunch, wanting to spend more time with you one on one. he was so busy with volleyball and school lately 😞 and when he managed to get you to tell him how lonely you felt without him, he made it his mission to spend more time with you!!! 🥰😘💕

you’re eating together, sharing food and talking about everything and anything when he notices you lick your lips; he zones in on your little pink tongue as it swipes across your bottom lip 👁👁 “yuuji, you okay?” a hand on your cheek and suddenly, he’s kissing you. he tastes like the leftovers your mom packed you for lunch 🥰😋

[arlert-angel]

love fast, die young ☪

♡ jean x fem!reader

❥ you know that at any moment your life could be cut short as a scout, and the last thing you want is to die a virgin, so why not ask your best friend that you’re in love with for some help?

❥ wc: 5.8k

❥ cw: near death experience (reader), virgin!reader and virigin!jean, cannonverse but no plot, loss of virginity, slight size kink, cream pie, aftercare, fluff

❥ note: i was invested in the story of this one lol, it's a lot more romantic than i initially intended. they’re aged up, but the cannonverse details don’t make sense for the plot, so let’s pretend it does yay.

Arriving back from expeditions was always an exhausting feat within itself, sometimes more so than the actual expedition. 

Commanding officers had to count their losses, healers had to tend to the wounded, and everyone who was good enough to stand had to report their kills and assists. Of course that was the immediate tasks that needed to take place, but then came the grief. Friends looked for one another, many people cried, and names could be heard shouted all around as everyone arrived at headquarters. 

You weren't that different, but you were silent as you scanned the crowd looking for your tall best friend. You knew he was with the best of the best in Levi's squad, so you weren't too worried. However, you also knew the previous best had been wiped out before the new group came. 

Anything could happen which made you all the more anxious. 

You and Jean were not on the same squad. You first were offered a position on the Levi squad with the rest of your friends, but then Hange handed picked you to help them with their experiments, claiming they needed your mind to work with them. Hange is very likeable and now one of your closest friends, and at the time it seemed impossible to say no to them.

Hange's and Levi's squad tended to work together a lot and definitely trained together, so you didn't miss your friends too much. It was only when expeditions approached and new formations were made, when you had to be separated from the rest of your 104th pals. 

You never complained about the separation. It wouldn't last forever, maybe a couple days at most, and then you return to laughing and working with the rest of your friends. You had no complaints until this particular expedition.

You had a close call.

In fact, so close, you might as well have kissed Death on the lips while you were so close to the afterlife. 

The mission was going according to plan. It was a simple scouting mission in the mountains that were, for the most part, titan free. Your squad was on the left flank of the formation, near the edge of the mountains. The cliff sides surrounding you guys held a beautiful, yet slightly scary view. The drop had to be at least 300 feet.

You should've known something bad was going to happen as soon as Hange called out, "Hey, Y/N, check it out!" But you weren't thinking that hard, for the day had been so peaceful. 

The path you all had taken was so close to the cliffs that the squad was riding single file for safety. There was enough room to pass one another, but you had to do so very carefully. 

You rode ahead, passing Moblit. You sent him a questioning look as went by, but he only shrugged, not knowing what Hange was raving over. When you slid off your horse and next to Hange you saw what they did.

A very large cave.

"Should we go inside?" Hange looked at you, clearly excited, but it was an awful idea.

"No!" You tried to sound stern, knowing how they needed a firm rejection or they'd always get what they wanted, "Do you see the size of the thing? This looks like a comfy home for a 10 meter titan, maybe even 15 meter class if they hunched over."

"Do you think they'd crawl around in there?!" Their eyes widened and the familiar look that you've seen so many times on their face appeared. It was their usual expression they had when you conducted experiments with them. You swore to yourself how you fed their curiosity on accident.

"What's going on?" Moblit now arrived, wondering what the hold up was about.

"They want to go inside that death trap," You pointed at the ominous cavern in front of you all. 

"You cannot be serious!" Moblit exclaimed in surprise, the volume echoing down the stone and dirt walls. Moblit continued his rant, stating the obvious, but you tuned their debate out. You just stared into what looked like an abyss. 

There was no movement, no noise, not even the breeze seemed to reach here.

But for some reason you had a gut feeling. A gut feeling that saved all of your lives.

"Move!" You shoved Hange into Moblit which effectively knocked them both to the side of the cave and used your ODM gear to swing yourself to the opposite side. 

The large hand reached out as you tried to get out of the way, but because you helped the others you weren't quick enough.

Luckily, the titan's grasp only managed to get tangled in your ODM wire and couldn’t quite reach your actual body. 

Unluckily, the titan was managing to drag you like a ragdoll and if you didn't do anything quickly you would be engulfed in the darkness where it was hidden, and then probably engulfed in it’s stomach. 

You had to think quick on your feet and so you drew your blades and slashed the wire on your gear all together. You could've attempted to slash at it's hands, but that was no guarantee. The wire was sliced with a clean snip.

Now you were free, you stumbled back at the loss of momentum. You took one two many steps back, and that last step didn't hit the gravely earth that the others had. 

Your foot didn't hit anything at all. 

You were about to fall off a cliff. 

Ironic to escape death one way only to quite literally fall into its clutches another way. 

But, you didn't fall. 

Your eyes were squeezed shut in absolute terror, and when you opened them at the lack of free fall, you saw Hange.

They had managed to save you by the front of your shirt, yanking you back on solid ground. Moblit had been keeping the titan at bay, and continued to do so as you and everyone else turned their horses carefully around. 

Thanks were shared by yourself, Hange, and Moblit at the different lucky saves. They praised your quick thinking and response. None of you actually saw the titan coming. You just knew. You seemed to recognize the familiar feeling of dread from the presence of a titan that wanted to eat you. Even if you couldn’t see it. 

Hange continuously apologized on the way back, but it wasn’t really their fault. It’s not like you actually entered the cave like they wanted. And it was probably a good thing you guys stopped when you did. If the group rode past the cave something worse might have happened.  

After that close call you wanted nothing more to find your best friend and have his familiar comfort.

"Y/N? Whatcha still doing out here?" You spun around quickly and saw Connie. 

“Oh, hey! I’m just looking for Jean, have you seen him?” You didn’t want to panic, but it was weird to see Connie without Jean. 

“Yeah! Mikasa killed this titan that had snuck up right above us and it’s blood got all over Jean it was so funny he screamed like a girl. But yeah, he went to the showers immediately,” Connie explained laughing at the memory. You laughed along and wished you could see it yourself.

“That’s funny, I should probably shower too, this mission felt particularly long,” You grumbled more to yourself than Connie, but he picked up on your off tone.

“Did something happen?” He asked genuinely concerned. You might’ve been closest to Jean, but Connie and Sasha were also very close to you. The four you always had the most fun together, and got in the most trouble. 

“Kind of, a titan snuck up on us too, but we were near the cliffs so there wasn’t all lot of room to work with. I almost fell, but on the bright side I overcame my fear of heights,” You laughed, but it was more anxious than joyful.

“Oh shit, that’s awful!” Connie’s eyes widened in horror, “I'll tell Jean to come find you when I see him.”

“What why?”

“You were looking for him right? He’d definitely want to know that you’re okay after that. He worries a lot, you know? It’s always: I hope Y/N okay, where’s Hange’s squad again, I wish Y/N was here, Y/N would love this view. Someone has to tell him to shut up at least once every expedition.” Connie actually did an okay Jean impression as he ranted to you, but you didn’t comment on it. 

You were too surprised. You didn’t know Jean worried about you. He never once came to you with any fears about expeditions. He always asked you what happened, but that’s just a normal conversation. It wasn’t too strange for someone’s best friend to think about them when apart. What was strange was the happy feeling you got knowing that Jean couldn’t shut up about you. A weird fluttery feeling danced in your stomach and you felt almost giddy.  

Connie noticed your lack of response and noticeably paled. 

“Fuck, wait, I didn’t tell you that! Jean’s gonna kill me, Y/N please don’t tell him I told you!” He grabbed onto you, begging. He shook you enough that it got you out of your confusing thoughts.

“Um, okay? I don't see what the big deal is. I think about Jean on expeditions too, that’s not weird right?” You smiled reassuringly and Connie’s whole body sagged in relief.

“Not at all! Have a nice shower!” Connie ran away, actually ran, trying to separate himself from that conversation. He thanked the Walls that you couldn’t read between the lines. 

After that odd conversation you got a change of clothes and towel, and then headed towards the showers. You passed Sasha and Mikasa on the way in and they both gave you pleasant greetings, all parties glad to see each other alive and well.

You tried not to overthink, but the hot shower gave you all the time to do so.

Your thoughts jumped from almost dying, to Jean, to these overwhelming feelings you seemed to harbor.

You knew you loved Jean. You both even told each other sometimes. Your mind never wandered further than viewing Jean as your best friend only because you didn’t think that’s what he’d want. 

When you first met Jean you had a small crush on him, admiring him from afar until Marco introduced the two of you. Once you grew closer and noticed his infatuation with Mikasa your feelings sizzled out in a bitter simmer. Your bitterness didn’t last long though, you were happy you had someone to rely on no matter what. After Marco passed, Jean was your crutch and vise versa. Romance would only make things confusing and besides you didn’t have any experience in the matter. 

But now as you think more and more about him you wondered if those feelings ever went away. You thought about his laugh and stupid tone he gets when he tries to act cocky. You thought about his eyes and how pretty they look in the sunlight. You thought about his ability to read your mind without you having to tell him something’s wrong. He was your person. 

You came to the conclusion that there definitely was something more than platonic there, but there was no certainty he felt the same. He would’ve said something by now. When he liked Mikasa he was so obvious, openly talking about her to everyone. You would’ve known something by now if it were the case, right? You knew he didn’t like Mikasa now, he told you explicitly for some reason, stating you needed to know. He also didn’t talk about liking anybody new. 

Sighing in frustration, you turned off the shower, now squeaky clean. What was supposed to be a relaxing shower just stressed you out because of your stupid brain’s overthinking. 

And it didn’t stop. As you dropped your messy uniform in the laundry, it reminded you of the day.   

Today proved that any moment could be your last. Being in the scouts has always been dangerous, and you knew you were a disposable soldier. You didn’t mind it much, but now you realized how little you had experienced. You had never been drunk, your only kiss was with Marco in a game of truth or dare, and you were a virgin. 

You didn’t want to die a virgin.

You thought of Jean. You wanted to be with him at least once before you died. You didn’t want to die without knowing how it felt to have everything with Jean. Your love for him definitely wasn’t platonic. You didn’t want to die without him knowing.

Your mind made up, you walked the halls with a little more determination than usual. You wandered around for only a couple minutes before running into Eren.

“Horseface is looking for you,” He pointed around the corner. You gave a quick thanks before quickly going in that direction only to collide with the person you were searching for.

“Y/N!” Jean surprised you by pulling you in a tight hug. As he pulled away he took note of the blush that was now on your cheeks, but didn’t comment. He also didn’t let you go completely, leaving his hands on your shoulders. Unable to help himself.

“Hey, I was looking for you,” You smiled genuinely, only slightly nervous now. Even with the giddiness he gave you, he still managed to calm you down.

“Me too, Connie said something happened with your squad, so I asked Hange about it and they told me everything,” His eyebrows were pulled into a worried furrow, “I wish you were in our squad.”

“Me too, but I like being with Hange too,” You stated honestly, “But it’s alright, everything worked out in the end.” 

“Yeah, but you almost fell off a cliff! Y/N if I lost you I’d…” He cleared his throat before shaking himself out of his thoughts, “I’m just glad you’re okay. You said you were looking for me, what for?”

“Oh! Um…” You looked around and saw Eren eavesdropping blatantly with a knowing look, causing you to quickly turn back around, “Can I talk to you in my room about something?” You shift your weight from side to side, visibly jittery. 

“Sure?” Jean was confused and noted you looked more flustered than before, but he couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong like he usually could. 

You walked side by side, passing Eren along the way who gave you both a smug wave. When Jean wasn’t looking you turned around and gave him the finger. The walk was silent and your hands brushed each other softly.

Once you were behind closed doors you felt yourself relax a little more. It was just Jean, you hyped yourself up. Even if he did reject you the worst thing that could happen is him make a stupid joke out of everything, but you doubt he would. You knew he at least respected you.

“So, what’s so serious that you needed to be away from nosy Yeager?” So he did see that ass listening, you thought. 

“Well… You know about my close call today… It got me thinking,” You started safely.

“You can think? Like, there’s a brain in there?” Jean acted surprised and grabbed your head teasingly.

“Shut up,” You laughed and slapped his hands away before adding, “It’s serious.”

“Okay,” He took a seat on your bed comfortably, an action that was not unusual, you hung out in each other’s room all the time. He gave you his full attention, no longer joking around.

“I thought about how at any moment we can die, that sounds morbid, but it’s true. And then I thought about all the stuff I haven’t done and all the things I haven’t said,” You explained further, still not getting to the point. 

“So, you want to make a bucket list?” Jean tilted his head, trying to follow, “That’d be fun.”

“No,” You rolled your eyes lovingly, “I, more specifically, thought about all the stuff we haven’t done together.” 

“Oh, you want to make a bucket list together!” Jean perked up.

“Jean stop trying to guess and let me explain,” You laughed and he complied, pretending to zip his lips shut.

“Jean,” You approached the man, invading his personal space, “I don’t want to die a virgin, do you?”

“No…” Jean blushed at the sudden topic change, wondering why on earth you were bringing that up right now.

“And…  I love you, and I know you'd treat me right,” You cupped his cheeks in your hands. You were standing in between his legs now, him leaning back on his hands looking up at you. He was tall, so he didn’t have to tilt his neck that much. 

“I love you too, what are you going on about?” His face was drawn in clear confusion, a cute expression, if he wasn’t being so frustrating. 

“No, Jean,” You leaned impossibly close, your face right in front of his, “I’m in love with you.” 

Then you boldly straddled him before you planted your lips on him.

You were shy, unsure if he would reciprocate the kiss, and it seemed like he wasn’t.  You panicked instantly. Your heart was pounding and you pulled away. You were terrified you screwed everything up. You looked at him and he seemed to be frozen.

“Jean?” You worriedly looked at your catatonic friend whose eyes were wide in shock, “I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry! Please don’t hate me!” You began to try to climb off him, but his hands shot to your hips, holding you in place.

“Y/N, you’re in love with me?” He still seemed to be stunned, or maybe he didn’t believe you, but he held your gaze with serious eyes. 

“Yes,” You made sure to keep eye contact despite the heat that rose to your cheeks, to make sure he knew you were dead serious. 

“Good,” One of his hands left your hips to your cheek. He guided your mouth back to his.

He was kissing you. He was actually kissing you. It was slow and sweet at first. He stroked your cheek lovingly and your lips slowly moved in sync. It was when you repositioned yourself on his lap, accidently grinding into him, when the kisses started to become more feverish. He groaned into your mouth and the hand left your face and found it’s new home on your ass. He squeezed it harshly, making you gasp. He took the opportunity to introduce his tongue to yours. He surprised you when he sucked on your tongue, making a small whimper escape you. 

Jean pulled away, taking in your flustered state with blown pupils of his own. Both of your lips were swollen and you both needed to catch your breath. 

“I love you too, you know?” Jean pushed some of your hair out of your face with a soft smile, “I figured you didn’t feel the same and wanted to just be friends, so I didn’t say anything.”

“I thought the same, or that you might still like Mikasa,” You admitted shyly, looking down where your bodies met.

“Hey,” He tilted your chin so you held eye contact again, “That was a stupid crush when I was kid, and I told you that ended a long time ago, didn't I? I’m in love with you.”

“We were so stupid keeping it to ourselves,” You laughed and Jean openly admired you in what looked like awe. His gaze made you feel bashful, almost wanting to hide your face with your hands.

“We were, I could have been kissing you so much sooner,” Jean mumbled, already leaning back to you. This time when your lips met your tongues danced together immediately. You knew Jean also didn't have much experience, but with the way he kissed it seemed like he did. 

"Did you mean what you said?" Jean pulled away only for a moment to ask before returning right back to your lips. 

You pulled away, trying to decipher what he was referring to. "Wha–" Your breath hitched when you felt Jean kiss your pulse on your neck. He began sucking on a particular spot that made you moan, surprising both of you. 

"You're so beautiful," He commented then explained, "Did you mean what you said about that virgin stuff?" He seemed shy all of sudden, his hands were sliding from your hips to your thighs, almost like he was trying to soothe himself.

"I meant every word," You said honestly, "I want to experience all of you."

"God," Jean seemed to like that statement, "I don't know what I'm doing, so just know I'm learning as I go. Just tell me what you like and don't like."

"Of course," You gave him a reassuring smile, "I'm not worried, I trust you."

"Good," He said again before spinning you around and lightly throwing you on your bed. He hovered over you, not putting much, if any weight on you. He resumed the make out session, but this time letting his hands wander.

He first tugged at your shirt, which you helped him quickly pull over your head. You hadn't worn a bra, assuming your plans for this evening were eating then just passing out. 

Jean seemed to drink your body in, just staring in lust and awe. 

"You can touch me," You tried to sound reassuring, but it sounded more like a beg. 

Jean took your breasts in his large hands and just felt you. You almost laughed at how mesmerized he looked, but that was when he latched his mouth on your nipple. That action seemed to send a current of electricity straight to the heat in between your legs. You arched your back and let out a surprised moan which made Jean quickly pull away. 

"Did I hurt you?" He looked scared.

"No, it feels good," You murmured as you unconsciously rolled your hips wanting friction.

"Oh, that's good," He shot you a grin before throwing his own shirt to the side. He went back to kissing your chest, this time his hand tweaked the nipple he wasn't sucking on, causing even more pleasure. You bit your lip only letting out whimpers, a little embarrassed of moaning so loudly again. 

"J-Jean," You stuttered out, gripping his broad shoulders.

"Hmm?" He hummed, he had been having fun leaving purple marks across your tits.

"I-I need…" You didn't finish.

"What do you need, princess?" He asked genuinely, but his deep tone sent shivers down your spine.

"More, I don't know," You admitted.

"Okay, don't worry," He gave you a peck, "I'll take care of you."

He began taking off your pants, helping you get them off your ankles. He stood to take off his own pants as you admired him. His body was so toned from the life of being a soldier. As you took him all in your eyes landed on the bulge that was very prominent in his briefs and for the first time you felt nerves about having sex with him. 

"Jean, how the hell is that supposed to fit in me?" You didn't even see it out of it's cage, you couldn't imagine that monster in action. 

"It has to fit right? People have sex all the time," Jean looked down at his own dick before looking at your panties with a frown, "I'll make sure to stretch you out with my fingers to help."

"What do you mean?" You blushed as Jean returned his body on top of you, giving you warmth again. This time putting a little more weight than last time. You could feel his restrained cock against you this time. 

"You know, fingering, you've done it to yourself before right?" Jean asked curiously. 

"I've tried, but I couldn't reach any particular spots that made me feel good, so I mostly just got off with my clit," You explained, a little embarrassed. 

"Well, I have long fingers," Jean began to slip off your last item of clothing. You gulped nervously, you now were exposed completely to him.

"So pretty, and you're wet," He groaned and looked back up to you, "Open your mouth."

You almost asked why, but you didn't want to kill the mood, so you complied. Jean slid two fingers into your mouth and you got the message. You wrapped your lips around his fingers and hollowed your cheeks, sucking on them. 

"Fuck," He sighed out and you felt him twitch against you. 

He pulled his fingers out and moved them back between your legs. He first slowly thrusted one finger inside you, to get you used to the unfamiliar feeling. The stretch wasn't too painful, and he was definitely right. His fingers were longer. 

He moved the one finger in and out of you slowly at first, picking up the pace as he continued. When he felt you relax completely he added a second finger. This time the stretch was a little more, making you tense.

"You're so tight," Jean was watching your pussy in wonder and slid his body down, so his face was near it. 

"What are you– Oh my God," Jean's lips sucked on your clit softly, then continuously kitten licked it, all while maintaining his finger thrusts.

"You taste good," Jean said it so casually, you'd think he was talking about the weather. He removed his fingers for a moment to get a better taste. He kissed you directly on your cunt before penetrating you with his tongue. He moaned against you, sending vibrations into you. You tried to unconsciously escape the pleasure, your thighs attempting to close, but Jean's large hands held you down. 

He returned his fingers inside you and this time adding a third. It stung more than before, but Jean's mouth on your clit made you forget all about the uncomfortableness. He began curling his fingers inside you reaching a spot that instantly had a knot forming in your stomach. Your hands shot around you, one gripping the sheets and the other in Jean's hair. 

He latched onto clit again and you gave up on trying to quiet your moans, embarrassment be damned, it felt too good.

"Jean," You moaned his name, which only made him moan back in return, "I-I'm going to…" You whined a little, not quite there yet, but right on the edge.

"You're going to cum?" Jean asked, not even completely pulled away from your clit to do so, "Go ahead and cum on my fingers, baby." He quickened his strokes and returned to your clit. It was just enough to send you over.

You grinded into his hand and cried out. Jean moaned too as if he was being pleasured just at the sight of you or maybe it was because of the sensation of your tight pussy clamping around his fingers. He couldn't help himself and licked up some of your release, making you jump. 

He moved back up to you with a content smile, "Did that feel good?" 

"Yeah," You smiled back through half lidded eyes, still buzzing from the pleasure.

He gave you a deep kiss and you could taste yourself on him. Tasting your own saccharine flavor was strangely erotic. 

Jean pulled away, "Is it alright if I take my cock out?" He asked beforehand just in case you changed your mind. 

"Yeah, of course, I want to see the monster that's going to destroy me," You joked and earned yourself a cocky smirk.

Jean took off the only clothing that was separating the two of you. You glanced down and saw his size more visibly now. You were right to be intimidated before, he was huge. Jean seemed to take note of your apprehensive expression so he returned to giving you some kisses in order to soothe you. 

“We’ll take it slow and if it’s too much just tell me,” Jean assured you which helped calm you down. 

“Okay, I’m ready,” Your eyes met as he began to rub the head up and down between your folds, collecting its wetness. He rubbed it over your clit and back down, making you feel particularly tingly. When he started pushing the head inside you had to remind yourself to not tense up, but it was hard. He was stretching a lot more than his fingers did. His cock added an unfamiliar pressure inside you that his fingers didn’t.

“God, that’s just the head and you're already squeezing me,” Jean threw his head back trying to regain composure. It was also his first time and he did not want to embarrass himself by finishing quickly. Also the gentlemen inside him wanted to feel you cum around him first.

He slowly continued to push further in as you grabbed his arms to brace yourself. When he finally bottomed out you swore you could see the bulge on your tummy. He kept still and waited for you to give him the go ahead even though he had the incredible urge to just thrust forward.

“You alright?” Jean's voice was more strained than usual.

“Yeah, why the fuck you gotta be so big, Jean,” Which only made Jean smile and give an apology kiss. You took a few more moments getting used to the stretch when the pleasure overtook the pain. You felt the veins on his cock inside you. You felt so full, but so good. You grinded into him trying to feel more and Jean noticed.

“I’m going to start moving now,” Jean warned and began pulling back before snapping his hips forward. You both cried out how he filled you up, your walls fluttering around him.

The pace was unrushed and steady to begin with. He withdrew his cock only to plunge it back into you, hitting you deep, in a repetitive matter. You felt the pleasure everywhere, all the way in your toes. 

You started meeting his thrusts, moving your hips in order to do so. Jean hitched your leg higher which only made you feel him deeper, hitting a sweet spot that caused you to gasp.

“You can go faster,” You said breathlessly, “Please, Jean, it feels so good.”

“Fuck,” Jean moaned back, his slow deep thrusts turned into a quick pounding. He continuously hit that new spot every time. Your whimpers turned into uncontrollable moans. Not wanting to make too much noise you buried yourself into the crook of his neck, sucking and biting his skin. 

You briefly looked down where your bodies met and saw him pumping out of you, your slick covering his cock and your thighs. The sight made your eyes roll back into your head.

“Please,” You moaned into Jean who brought his hand to your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“Please, what? What do you want, princess?” He grunted a bit after, not once did he lose his pace.

“I want… Ah… Please, I don’t know,” You felt like you could cry, you were right on the edge. You didn’t know what you needed, but you felt too good to try to figure it out. You figured he was close too by the way he was twitching inside your pussy and his thrusts became a little more desperate. 

“Open,” Jean brought his fingers back to your mouth, groaning at the sensation. He kept them there for a few more moments than necessary, just enjoying the way you looked with your pretty lips wrapped around him. 

Then he brought them between your legs and began rubbing your clit at the same pace he was thrusting into you.

“J-Jean, I’m gonna cum,” You grabbed his wrist, almost overwhelmed by the feeling. 

You cried out his name as your pussy milked him, triggering his own release. He groaned your name as he came. You felt the warmth of him spill deep inside you and it made your pussy tremble all the more. He gave a few final thrusts before slumping on top of you.

“Look at me while you cum, princess, come on, cum on my cock,” He encouraged you. You held eye contact for as long as you could, but when that coil in your tummy snapped you had to squeeze your eyes shut in absolute bliss.

“We definitely should’ve done that sooner,” He mumbled into your hair, making you giggle.

“Definitely,” You echoed back.

He slid out of you after that, making both of your bodies shudder at the loss of connection. You pussy still trying to pulse around something.

“I just showered,” You commented with a frown, looking at the mess between your legs. 

“I’ll go get a towel?” Jean offered, and you gave him a nod. He redressed quickly, kissed you deeply, then stated he would be back soon.

You threw your shirt back on while you waited. You felt so sleepy after that. Even though you wanted to feel clean, you wished you cuddled with Jean some more, already missing him.

After a couple more minutes the silence was broken.

 “I knew it!” You heard Eren’s familiar voice shout from outside your door and you sat up confused.

“Shut the fuck up before I hit you!” You heard Jean’s voice shout back and then a few more quieter exchanges that you couldn’t make out from the two men. Then your door opened fast, Jean slipping quickly inside, locking it behind him. In one hand he had a warm towel and in the other he had a new set of sheets. 

“What happened?” You pointed at the door and Jean scowled.

“Apparently those assholes bet on when we’d finally hook up,” Jean explained before cleaning you up. You blushed as he took care of you. Despite what just took place you still felt embarrassed. Jean noticed and just pecked your cheeks.

“That’s kind of funny, we should’ve placed our own bets,” You hummed and stood shakily, grabbing a new pair of underwear as Jean changed your sheets for you. 

“I can’t believe Eren won,” Jean frowned, but when your arms wrapped around him from behind he couldn’t help but smile.

“Will you stay with me? I kind of want to nap,” You mumbled into his back.

“Of course,” You both returned to your bed this time with more innocent intentions.

Jean laid on his back and you threw your arm around his chest and your leg over his, snuggling up into his side.

“I don’t want to die,” You murmured sleepily.

“You won’t,” Jean stated firmly.

“How do you know?” You looked up at him.

“Because we both have something to live for,” He met your gaze softly, before kissing your head again.

You told each other you loved another once again before you both fell asleep. It was a sleep where neither of you had the common nightmare about your untimely deaths. 

Instead it was a sleep where you both dreamt of the future you now could have with one another.

[blackmissfrizzle]

Chill Out

Characters: Rio x black!reader

Summary: Wine drunk + dancing= a very entertained but annoyed Rio

Warnings: Smut

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEA 💖 @starrynite7114 thank you for being such a great friend. I hope your day is filled with joy 😘 love you, babes! P.S. this was so hard to keep a secret from you lol

I highly recommend listening to these while reading:

Today you were on a high. You woke up feeling good and the day just kept on getting better. Your friends came over for drinks and gossip. During that time the playlist that was playing in the background had hits after hits, causing y’all to be singing dancing fools.

Eventually, the girls had to leave because it was a school night, but it was perfect timing because as soon as they were leaving Rio came back home.

“You have fun, mama?” He kissed you tasting the wine on your lips. You started getting bolder, nibbling on his lips and neck. Oh, it was about to be one of those nights, Rio thought.

Rio pulled away from you and went to the refrigerator for a water bottle. “Not right now. I wanna watch the game.” He explained, plopping down on the couch.

You tried to hold in your whining. It wasn’t often that Rio got to relax, so left him be. “Do you mind if I play music while I clean up?”

“Nah, you do you. I don’t wanna hear the commentators anyway.”

With his permission you turned the music up. It was a little mix of everything so when Crush started playing you got hyped since you haven’t heard that song in forever.

It's just (aah) a little crush (crush)

Not like I faint every time we touch

It's just (aah) some little thing (crush)

Not like everything I do depends on you

Sha-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la

Rio side-eyed you as you began to sing and dance like every white girl in a 90s movie. “Really? You jamming out to this mess?”

“Rude.” You continued singing and dancing along while you were wiping down the counter. Then the next banger came on and you had to rope Rio in.

Motownphilly's back again

Doin' a little east coast fling

Boyz II Men going off

Not too hard, not too soft

Before you were in the kitchen singing and dancing, but with this new song you migrated to the living room dancing in front of Rio. “What you know about this?” You taunted him while doing the running man.

Rio secretly loved that you were dancing like a fool. You were the sunshine in his gloomy life.

He tried not to crack a smile at your silliness, but he couldn’t help it. “Come here,” he crooked a long finger at you.

Continuing to dance, you shook your head no. He wasn’t about to rain on your parade. “Come here.” Rio repeated with more authority in his voice.

This time you complied and stood between Rio’s legs. Grabbing onto your hips Rio pulled you into his lap. For awhile he massaged your scalp while he just stared at you lovingly.

Rio was the king of building up tension. Usually, you would snap and tell him to hurry up, but that would only make him prolong it. However, you were enjoying it this time. His nose rubbing against yours, his breath tickling your face, his hands running along your body.

Eventually, his lips graced yours. He held your chin as the kiss got a little messier. But as usual it was magical. “I love you,” he smiled at you.

“I love you too.” You kissed him once more before you got up. He smacked your ass as you walked away, enjoying it ripple before he got pulled away by the game. “Be ready as soon as the game is off.”

“Okay, daddy,” you giggled and went off to finish cleaning.

As you continue to clean you continued dancing. During commercial breaks you would dance in front of Rio causing him to roll his eyes like he wasn’t enjoying it. Mostly it was silly dancing, but then the twerk songs started coming on and you couldn’t help yourself.

Damn, I want all three (come here), ooh

Ashley (ayy), ooh, Ashley (ayy)

I get hard when she walk past me (look at that ass)

'Cause she thick (thick)

Thi-thi-thi-thi-thi-thick (thick)

Thi-thi-thi-thi-thi-thick (thick)

Thi-thi-thi-thi-thick, she make me stutter

Thankfully it was a commercial break because Rio probably would’ve pushed you out of the way when you started twerking in his face. Instead he gripped a chunk of ass and told you, “Aye, chill with all that.”

“Oh, so Jake from State Farm is more interesting than me?” Rio didn’t say anything for a bit. He just rubbed his bottom lip while his eyes roamed your body. “Girl, you better move before you have my full attention.”

Rolling your eyes you moved out of the way and grabbed you a glass of wine. Fine, if he didn’t want to play, you’ll have fun on your own.

Two wine glasses later and you didn’t give one fuck. You were all up in Rio’s face rapping along with lyrics about using men. Even though, Rio was mostly expressionless you still caught his little quirks of reactions.

“He always asking do I love him? I always be tellin' him, "Uh-uh" I told him he pushing his luck, he better be happy I fucked him.”

“Watch it,” Rio lowly warned you. As usual you paid him no mind and played the next song.

Got more milkshakes than Kelis

Ain't met a nigga who can handle me

I think I should be in museums (hey hey)

'Cause this body a masterpiece (yeah yeah)

Can I fuck ya to a trap beat? (huh huh huh)

He said girl you tryin' to trap me? (Huh huh huh)

Ah hell nah, nigga no I ain't (what what? Uh)

You can hit that door, here go ahead leave (what what? Uh)

Rio couldn’t focus on the game. Between you twerking and rapping in his face, basically saying ‘fuck him’ had him hard as fuck, but he wasn’t about give into you. However, your determination was stronger than his. The last straw though was when you got on the couch popping over ass cheek at a time while looking at him “innocently.”

I wanna bust it on your face

He wanna see my shit squirt like he squeezed it

He finna die by this pussy, he need it

He wanna keep it like lock it and key it

I tell him to bring me my money then beat it

Give a nigga back to the streets, ayy

Even though the song wasn’t your words, it was still a challenge to him. You were directing all that energy to him and you about to get it back ten-fold.

While you were in Meganland, Rio was able to pull your shorts and panties to the side. He didn’t have the time so he pulled his dick out of his pants.

“Rioooo,” you reached back to grab onto his wrists when you felt him split you open. “Nah, what you running for? Remember you were gonna ‘leave this dick up in a casket’?”

Rio loved this song. The moment when he sees the brattiness dies and you become a compliant whimpering mess. Only he could do this. Only he could make this independent, strong woman weak.

“Come on, baby. I thought you ain’t met anyone who can handle you. This sure looks like I’m handling all this shit.” Rio smacked your ass as he looked at your conjoined bodies.

It was too much and too little at the same time. Rio was giving you those long, slow strokes that had you near the edge, but could never quite push you over.

“Please,” you begged, trying to flatten yourself. “Nah, you gonna take this.” Rio pulled your hips up and got a tight grip on them to make sure you weren’t going anywhere.

“Please let me cum, Rio. I’ll be good. I promise.” Your man chuckled, making you want to cry. He either wasn’t in a forgiving mood or he was gonna make you work for it.

Grabbing you by your chin, Rio turned your face towards him. Instinctively, he stuck some of his fingers in your mouth. “You want cum, huh?”

“Mmmhmm,” you nodded, gently sucking on his fingers.

“Why should I? You wouldn’t let me watch the game.”

“Because I’ll make you feel good, daddy.” Rio smiled at you before he bent down and kissed you while wrapping his arm around your body to start rubbing your clit. “Cum on this dick, bitch.” He whispered into your ear.

Rio sped up his pace a bit and you were going crazy, yelling out his name. “Rio, Rio, tak-, tak-, take me to the room. I’m gonna squirt.”

“So?” His voice was strained letting you know he was close to finishing. “I’m gonna ruin the couch.”

“Fuck this couch. I’ll buy another. Now cum on this dick. I’m trying to finish the game.”

With his permission, you soaked Rio’s clothes and the couch and not too long after you felt his seed coat your walls.

“Shit, I love you,” you smile tiredly as you laid your head against the armrest.

“Uh-huh, get up and take all your clothes off.” Rio pulled out of you and smacked your butt. You were about to object, but when you saw the look on his face, you quickly undressed.

For a moment, Rio forgot what he wanted you to do. Your body always hypnotized him. He just stared at you with his lip tucked in between his teeth. “Come sit on this dick, mama.”

Ugh, he wanted you to ride? You didn’t have the energy for that, but you listened anyway. Facing the tv, you sank down on his dick causing you both to moan in unison.

You began to bounce up and down, but Rio stilled your hips. “Nah, you ain’t gotta do all that.” Thank god, he was gonna do all the work. “You’re gonna sit here and be still while finish watching the game.”

“Huh?” He couldn’t be serious.

“Yeah, you heard me,” Rio closed your dropped jaw. “And if you move I’ll watch the next game even though I don’t give a fuck about that team.”

Rio didn’t give you a chance to object. He turned on the tv and ignored. Guess you should’ve chilled out earlier.

Tagging: @ourlittlesecretsoveragain @starrynite7114 @sambucky8 @mygirlrenee @richonne4life @readsalot73 @chaneajoyyy @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @jassydwill11 @otomefromtheheart @miss-nori85 @xsweetdellzx @cherryblossomgirl20 @cocogodess15 @suburbanblackhoe @jad3djay @my-rosegold-soul @brattyfics @theartisticqueen @sesamepancakes

[roger-that-cap]

meet me in the gardens

knight!natasha x lady!reader

summary: being the widow of a decently wealthy lord and sitting on a large plot of land automatically meant that you were a candidate for the program that you couldn’t say not to; the hosting. you had to sponsor a knight and keep them in your home for an entire year, which was troublesome enough on its own. but you never expected your knight to be a woman, and you certainly didn’t expect to have a full on illegal love affair with her, either.

warnings: marriage lol, angsty knights and ladies, reality slapping mfs in the face almost too quickly

word count: 3.3k

hi guys,,, it has been a slow minute, thank you guys for even still clicking on this after all this time lmao 

part seven!!

It was customary to have more than one handmaiden dress a lady for her wedding, but both you and Wanda knew that no one was going to be allowed to watch you break down from the inside out. There were no words between the two of you as she laced you up as an unmarried woman for the last time, your gown gorgeous and heavy with weight and meaning. You didn’t even sniffle as the tears ran down your face, eyes blazing with emotions that would be forever unspoken. 

 Wanda wiped your face and started to dress that up, too. 

While you stood there, you couldn’t help but think of the night before. Dinner with Rumlow was an absolute travesty. He was rude, brutish, and even more of an animal than your last husband. He chewed like he was some type of wolf, smacked his lips far too loud, and was by far the rudest person to your staff. His language was of the pirates and his eyes wandered from you, to Wanda, to a younger girl, and then back to you with the same look of disgusting desire. It was painfully obvious that he was the type of man to see things and get things because he desired them. He was the type to break his toys, as well. He was horrible, and that was all before the eyes of other people. You started to feel sick when you thought about how brave he would be behind closed doors. The doors that would be closing very, very soon on the two of you. 

 The dinner was horrible, but the worst part was that Natasha wasn’t there. The worst part was always going to be her absence.

“You look so beautiful,” Wanda said, her voice a crackling and regretful whisper as she watched you in the vanity, a small and forced smile on her face. You met her eyes only for a second in the mirror before you turned them away, down to look at your covered feet. 

  “I’m being thrown away,” you said slowly, like the words were pulling themselves from your lips. “For the second time in my life. Is this the life of a woman that I tried to avoid so terribly? Is this the fate of all women?” 

 Wanda opened and shut her mouth, trying to find something to say that could possibly help you, and then she just shut it for good, her lips wobbling. You could feel her guilt radiating off of her, feel it stewing and brewing inside of her heart and chest even though it wasn’t her fault. You wanted to tell her that, to reassure her that she didn’t fail you like she thought she did, and that she never could fail you, but your lips were stuck together as white hot tears fell down your face. 

 There were three sharp knocks on your door, and you wiped your tears quickly, expecting someone to barge in. “Who is it?” You asked, the fake strength in your voice barely enough to hide the fact that you were crying and miserable. 

“I’m Lord Rumlow’s-”

“You aren’t allowed in here,” Wanda responded roughly. “No one sees her until she comes out, that’s a rule.” And it was a rule, one that you had forgotten all about. No one was supposed to see the bride before she made her long walk to the groom. And even during the walk, a covering was supposed to be on the bride’s face, shielding her from the world. It was sickening. “So go away.” Wanda’s tone had whoever the man was nearly jogging away, not even asking a second question. 

“I don’t know if I’m gonna be sick or not,” you muttered, and Wanda pushed the barrel that she brought earlier closer towards you. 

“Use it if you need to, honey.” Just as you were about to bend over and give up the breakfast that you didn’t even eat, there were soft raps on the door. 

  “If  have to tell you to go away one more time-” 

“It’s me,” a familiar vice said, and Wanda immediately stopped talking. “And I brought someone else, too.” You picked your head up from the barrel and looked towards the closed door, trusting that Pietro wouldn’t have done anything stupid. Wanda felt the same, clearing the space between where she originally was and the door within seconds. Pietro came in, fumbling and looking at you with a pitiful smile. You turned away, and then there was a flash of red in the corner of your eye. 

Your chest seized up.Your hands started to shake, and the tears that you had dried started back up all over again. “Oh.” 

“Let’s leave them for a few moments, Pietro.” Wanda suggested, tugging him out of the room by the arm and leaving you and Natsaha in the room together, alone. 

No one spoke for a long time.

You just stared at her, just like she stared at you, watching her chest rise and fall, and the guarded look in her eyes. She looked angry. But you knew her better than that. Sometimes, you wondered how you know her better than that because you had such a short time to know her at all. But it felt like you had watched a thousand sunsets and seen millions of river cycles with her. But it still wasn’t enough. And now, standing in front of her with a wedding dress that wasn’t meant for her at all, you knew that you had lied to her and to yourself that night at the river. Nothing was ever going to be enough.

“You look…” She started, taking a step closer to you. “You look stunning. You always have.” 

You shook your head at her, looking away for a moment to gather your bearings. Your voice trembled as you tried to get something out, anything that would make the situation even a little better.  “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You gave her a glare. “Don’t be. We both knew how this was going to end, and we both still continued. This isn’t shocking news to me, or you. It’s horrible, but we knew it was coming.” 

In that moment, reality hit. All those stupid promises about going to the gardens or the woods behind Rumlow’s back seemed like a suicide mission. That one, long chat about running away seemed like two naive children after being scolded by their parents. You had been peacefully living in an untainted world with Natasha, when you of all people knew much better than that. “So, what? What point are you getting at?” 

“I chose to go on being with you because I knew that regardless of where you were or where I was, or who you were with, that the love wouldn’t leave. I chose to have a little slice of happiness and knowledge that we tried, and that we had fun together. I chose to have that, and so did you. We know that we would have worked out, if this wasn’t happening. We know that if there’s another universe or another life, that we’ll end up together. Just not this time.” She took a step closer to you, her eyes lingering on your damp cheeks. “I’ll always be in love with you.” 

You were realizing too quickly that a world where you were allowed to love her and she was allowed to love you was years and years away. It was a place you could only dream about, but all you had to work with was a world who didn’t tolerate true love in the face of duty, and a world who certainly didn’t tolerate two women together. You would not let her die for you, or your love. 

“From afar,” you said, and for a second you were afraid that she would push you and ask why you were walking away. You were afraid that she wouldn’t get it. You had been jumping around in your own mind, making concrete conclusions at the drop of a hat and jumping to the next subject. You wondered if she was keeping up, if she was on the same page as you were even through all the skipping around. 

It hurt to admit, but you were realizing that you were on the same page. Just the other night, you were promising forever, promising every second alone to each other. You promised a life of secrecy and adoration, and that was what your hopeful heart wanted. But now, you had a mind, and your mind knew it was life or death. Your mind knew that sneaking around wasn’t plausible and it held more potential for danger than you ever wanted to have. By the look in Natasha’s eyes, you could tell that she had made a complete turn, too. You were both at the same crossroads, staring at each other from feet away.

You had told her forever, and she had promised you the same, but it just wasn’t going to work. It never was going to in the beginning. 

But then she nodded at you, a sad look in her eyes even though there was a tiny smile. “From afar.” 

“Are you gonna be there?” 

“To watch you get married?” She said, her face twisting up in disgust. “No.” Pause. “I can if you want me to be.” 

You shook your head. “Don’t come.” She would already have to sit through the hours of barbaric celebration by law, but she didn’t have to watch the ceremony. Making her would be torture to you both. 

“That’s what you want?” You nodded your head. “Then I won’t come.” 

Your heart was racing in your chest, contrasting to the way you typically felt just content upon seeing her. “What if I told you that I wanted you to kiss me one last time?” 

“I’d ask where all the time went, for us to be on our last already.” 

You scoffed, more out of disbelief than because you found it funny. “Where did all the time go?” 

She shrugged. “The stars ate it up.” 

§§

You had to be one of the angriest brides the kingdom had ever seen. The veil covered your face, your hands trembled with nerves and fury, and your eyes held unshed tears. Wanda was whispering beside you as the room to the door opened, telling you that she would always have your back while the procession started, but you hardly heard a thing. All you could think of was that it was your second time being sold like a farm animal, being made to marry someone you hated. You hated it. You hated the High Priest. You hated that the distant king did nothing. You hated that you weren’t strong enough to put a knife through Lord Rumlow’s eye. 

The procession was slow, as all processions for weddings were. Much to Lord Rumlow’s chagrin, you were being led by two people instead of one, who was supposed to be one of his knights. Wanda and Pietro led you, one on each side, the three of you linked by hand while it was traditionally by elbow. Your feet ached almost as much as your heart as you walked past people that you could hardly see because of the veil, but you could tell that they were in awe. The dress was long and beautiful, you had some of the most expensive jewelry money could buy, and you were sure that you looked like a princess. You could hear the whispers of people who were excited to watch a noble wedding, excited to have the feat that was entitled to everyone in the village after such a big event. You wanted to cry once you realized how unaware they were about the way you were forced into it. 

Soon, you checked out of your own body. You were confident enough in Pietro and Wanda’s leading of you to close your eyes, holding back tears. If he lifted the veil and saw you crying, who knew what he would do? You saw stars when you did, constellations, clouds, even flashes of your favorite rose bushes. You took in a breath, eyes still closed as you tried to find a happy place. You prayed to the gods that the walk would be never ending, that the twins would lead you off in the forest and have you live as some sort of forest woman, fending for herself but free. But then their feet stopped. 

 “Today we have come under the light of the sun to see a love blossom,” your eyes snapped open as you blinked, squinting at the priest who was holding his brown book, even though he hardly needed it. He was talking without looking at it, eyes searching the crowd for attention. You rolled your eyes. 

He seemed to talk for hours. You could feel Brock Rumlow next to you, taking Pietro’s spot on your right. Pietro made a displeased sound and stood next to Wanda, who was clenching your hand tightly, like she was terrified of letting you go. You were so far out that you didn’t even realize that he was done talking until you felt your right hand be grabbed by a rough one, one that reminded you of words and fights and blood. It was callous and cruel, and your head whipped around to see Brock Rumlow holding the deep red sash, his mouth moving in confidence as he repeated the vows that the priest said. 

“Lady Y/N,” the priest said, and slowly, your veiled face turned his way. “Repeat after me, if you please. No, I do not please. You echoed every word with such monotony that it hurt your own sears. You saw Rumlow’s jaw twitch at your minor defiance. You tilted your head higher. “You may now wrap your hands.” 

You watched him wrap both of your hands together with the thick, red ribbon. Your stomach lurched as you realized that there was no going back after the priest said the next words. You had already been through it once before. Your heart skipped beats in your chest. I’m never going to be free again. This is it. This is my last moment of freedom. My last moment of true happiness has gone with the wind. 

“You may now unshroud your bride, and show her to the awaiting world.” 

§§

The rest of the day passed in a blur. A common girl that Rumlow had nearly thrown your way was refused by you, and when she said that she was required to stay, you made her sit down while Wanda undressed you and put you into the comfortable yet delicate dress that brides wore after their weddings. She had to watch awkwardly as you sobbed in and out of Wanda’s arms, not even caring that she was there. 

The tears were long gone by the feast and the anger had come out to play. Every time your new husband attempted to speak to you, you ignored him. There was a hard look in your eyes as you sat and watched everyone, watching the culture clash between your peaceful people and his rowdy men and women. They were the ones drinking quickly, belching, laughing far too loudly for your taste, and being crude. Your people had separated themselves from them and were talking amongst themselves, no doubt becoming worried because of your demeanor. 

“You’ve only spoken to me once tonight, wife.” You ignored him again. 

It was true. You spoke to him one time, and it was when he told you that Wanda and Pietro couldn't sit at the grand table. According to him, there weren't enough seats at the table that was meant for lords and ladies, and he had brought his own fair share. He didn’t see the twins as anything other than your friends, and so he tried to have them moved over to the corner of the room. You didn’t tolerate that at all. “They’re staying with me,” was all you said, and by the way he tensed up, you were sure that it was going to be a fight. Maybe it was the rage in your eyes that made him back down and nod twice, jaw clenching along with his fists. But indeed, they were beside you, just as silent and angry as you were. 

Natasha hadn’t shown up yet. It was heavily frowned upon for her to miss the celebration, but you weren’t going to force her to come. You knew that if the roles were reversed that you would rather die than see her dressed as a bride and not be your bride. You knew that the situation was eating at her just as much as it was at you. You hated it. 

Part of you was glad that she wasn’t there. You were glad that you wouldn’t be tortured by seeing her so far away but so close, so unattainable that it was laughable that your heart even wanted her. But since she had gotten out of that carriage and you had expected a man, your heart pumped for her. And it always would. 

“Are you enjoying yourself, wife?” Even though you hadn’t heard his voice much, you knew his slimy, self assured tone from anywhere. It sent shivers down your back and a frown to your face as your thoughts were catapulted from the woman you loved straight to the man who you would rather die than be associated with. 

The dress was heavy on your shoulders even though you were sitting down, and your distraught feelings were heavy on your mind. “No.” 

“We’re wed, and now we are powerful.” He said, his goblet of wine reaching out towards the guests, even though only a few were watching your interaction. “Look at us. Two people in deep lov-”

“I really couldn’t care less, Lord Rumlow.” You said, blinking twice once you realized that you had spoken your thoughts aloud. You swallowed some water from your own silver goblet with the time that his shock granted you. “You and I both know that this wasn’t for love, and if you ever suggest that was the reason we were married, I will tell everyone the way you begged for my hand over letters and make sure that you are no longer capable of having an heir.” 

There was another moment of silence from him, and then a scoff. His face was friendly, maybe approachable even, but when you took a shallow look into his eyes, you could see the fury brewing beneath his expression, the anger at being blatantly disrespected- by a woman.  

“Look,” he started, his voice more sinister than you had heard it yet, “we have two major pieces of land together, and a large population  of people under our control. Farmlands and water, it’s ours now. On my own, I was strong. But now that I’ve wed you, I’m fucking untouchable.” He leaned back in his seat and you released a long breath through your nose. His dark eyes were still boring into yours, even as you dared to tilt your head sideways, a show of derision. There was a subtle flash of red. “And I will be damned to hell if I let you disrespect me after I’ve climbed my way from the bottom. Remember that.” 

  You had already had enough. Enough of him, enough of the situation, enough of being told what to do. The first man you married that had turned you from a girl rolling in dirt with pigs into a wealthy lady without even a whisper of your consent was long gone. You would be damned if you let another turn you into a broodmare and an idle chess piece, regardless of the consequences. “And my first husband is dead,” you said, head tilting even more. “Remember that.” 

You couldn’t hide your smirk without the silver goblet. 

******

an: well hi guys haha it’s been a while since this has been updated! i’m so sorry that its been about two months... i hope that someone still loves this story at least! its coming to an end very soon! i hope it all ties together like i want it to, and that it feels resolute to you guys. i’m gonna tag some of y’all!!

taglist!

@yelenabelovasgf​  @msmarvelsmain​ @procrastinatingsapphictrash​ @fayhar​ @8plasma​ @slut-for-nat​ @dontmindmejustreading​ @swords-are-cool​ @200605chaeng​ @thescottishavenger @antidaytime​ @jenny-song​ @madamevirgo​ @natasha-danvers​ @blackxwidowsxwife​ @shycucumbersandwich​ @dailyavengering​

@xxxtwilightaxelxxx​ @ima-gi--na-tion​–na-tion @chickenhavewisdom​

[lilysdaydreams]

Chocolates

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X plussize!Reader

→ Request: hello i love you and your writing (firstly) i was wondering if you could write a corpse husband xfem reader who is plus size? i havent seen any of those lol but maybe she gets hate over it and wants to start eating better and working out with him?? you don’t have to if you don’t want to tho!!

→ Warnings: chubby reader, insecure!reader, Body Image issues !!! Swearing, Descriptions of Readers feeling really sad about their body + online hate comments on readers body.

→ A/N: Idk what happened with this. This past week has been hard and I've been really tired but I forced myself to write something. I dont really think its goof but I hope the person who requested it likes it :(((

~~~

You fell into bed, wrapping the blanket around you and rolling over onto your side. Work had been hard today, your manager getting mad at the smallest of things. You could hear Corpse in his streaming room, talking to the viewers. You and Corpse had been together for 2 years now, and both of you had finally decided you were ready to reveal your relationship to his fans. First, you'd simply joined him on stream, talking at some points. Then a few weeks later, he'd posted a photo of him holding your hand and tagged you in it.

Your followers had gone from your 450 friends to 53 000 strangers. And that was only on the first day. You hadn't been on Instagram for a whole week, too overwhelmed about all the attention. It was a Friday today though, so you decided you might as well.

You opened up Instagram and clicked on your profile, eyes widening as you saw the 500k written above followers.

"Five hundred thousand?" You whispered to yourself, not even being able to comprehend the number. Like sure, if you compared it to Corpses 2 million, it seemed small, but it's not as if you did anything! What reason would they have to follow you? You only had two photos posted as well, an outfit photo from your sister's weddings, and one of you drinking a bubble tea.

Quickly clicking on the bubble tea picture, you opened up the comments smiling when the first comment  that caught your eye was "Woah shes so pretty." You scroll slowly, your  smile growing bigger at all the  love that Corpses fans gave you.

"SHES GORGEOUS"

"QUEEN WHAT THE HELL STEP ON ME"

The amount of "CHOKE ME" comments were hilarious.

You chuckled at a few and scrolled again, reading another one.

"Why did he have to pick a fat girl?"

For a second, your heart completely  stopped.

"What the fuck," you muttered.

You quickly clicked on the replies, wanting to see what others had to say. There were people defending you and arguing with the user, and there were others who agreed with them.

“Yes omg do you se ever stomach? Ugh how can Corpse stand staring at that the whole day?”

“Bruh her legs 😂😂”

You sucked in a breath.

You’d never been thin, always a bit chubby and with a bit of stomach fat. You’d been very insecure in high school, always wearing baggy clothes to hide your body, but who hadn’t felt that way in high school. After it though, you’d been okay. You felt happy and Corpse always let you know that he loved your body just the way you were. You were pretty confident normally. Today though... today it felt like all of that confidence has crumbled. You kept scrolling focusing on all the comments that talked about your weight.

Throwing the phone on the bed, you got up and moved to the mirror you have in your room. Grabbing the cloth draped over it, you pulled it off, looking at yourself in the mirror. You can see every flaw the comments talked about. You can see your double chin, your huge stomach, your big thighs. You held your arms up, wincing when you see the fat on them. Your probably looked so bad when you waved bye to someone. Tears now gathering in your eyes, you moved the cloth back over the mirror and then went back to bed, using the pillow to muffle your sobs.

You knew you were being a bit stupid. Random people on the internet and their opinions shouldn’t matter to you. But for some reason, the words had really gotten to you, and all you wanted to do was cry.

A few minutes later, you heard the door open, and knowing it was Corpse, you pushed your head into the pillow even more, not wanting him to look at you like this.

“Babe,” he whispered, coming over and patting you on your back.

“Baby,” he repeated when you refused to say anything and that he could hear was your sniffling. “You okay?”

You sobbed in response and he let out a “Oh” and then pulled you away from the pillow.

You looked down, refusing to look at him because you would look like an absolute mess.

“God I look so bad right now, he’s gonna see me and realise how big of a fat mess I am and leave me,” you thought.

“Hey baby, what’s wrong?” He asked again grabbing you in a hug.

“Was it work?” He asked when you didn’t answer. “or did your mom call again?"

When you stayed silent, he let out a sigh and let you go, getting up from the bed.

You immediately looked up, and asked “Where are you going?" because for a second you felt like it was true.  Maybe Corpse was leaving you because of how disgusting you were.

He looked down at you, startled by your sudden question. "Just to get some chocolate and a blanket."

"No." you said voice shaking a bit from the crying, "I don't want chocolate."

"What babe, what the fuck?" He said softly, dropping back down next to you. "Baby what's going on, just tell me, I can't do anything if you can't tell me."

"You-You know your fans? They're amazing, right?" you finally said, hesitating a little.

"It's just, I checked some comments on one of Instagram posts and there's so many where they're just talking about how fat I am, or how big my stomach is, or how ugly I look," you said, your voice lowering to a whisper at the end.

A beat of silence and then;

"Oh baby noooo," Corpse whispers, grabbing you and pulling you into a hug.

You cant stop the tears from leaking out of your eyes and you bury your head into his shoulder. His hoodie smells like the bodywash he uses, making you calmer in a second.

"Sweetheart, you are absolutely beautiful," he begins, whispering into your ear. "Did you know that when I first saw you, I couldn't even speak? Like I legitimately felt like my mouth had been glued together, I couldn't form any words."

Heat rose to your cheeks as he continued on.

"You were like an angel, literally glowing, and guess what, I still feel like that whenever I see you now. When you come back home and you're wearing that huge hoodie and you just have the hood pulled up because its cold and the little pout on your face, guess what you look fucking gorgeous to me like that. And when you're in our bed, wearing shorts and a crop top with your hair in a bun waiting for me to make popcorn so we can watch a movie, god you look like an angel then okay?"

"Oh ah, when you're on your period, and seriously bloated and eating all the food, you fucking look beautiful to me then as well. Your tummy- Your tummy makes me so happy like look at this soft little baby. And guess what? I fucking LIVE for your thighs and you know that baby, like I will die for them okay? Your ass- well, we both know what I feel about that so I won't say anything." He ended with a chuckle.

You moved back a little, and he grabbed your face and rested his forehead on yours.

Taking a deep breath, he started whispering, eyes locked onto yours.

"Every single part of you is perfect. And I love it. I find you so sexy that I literally cannot breathe sometimes because of your presence. You're amazing and I fucking love you. What those people say on the internet, why the fuck does it matter huh? They obviously can't recognize the absolute fox in front of their faces."

Slowly he wiped the tears from your face, and returned the watery smile that you gave him.

"Chocolates?" he asked, still whispering.

You nodded your head, giggling as he ran to get them.

fin.

[born-for-eachother]

Hello. May I ask you something? I don't understand what makes Inukag so special? Or why do you all ship it so much? I know, inukag is official and all but Kagome is actually a bad person to Inuyasha. She is violent and toxic to him. She doesnt care for his feelings. She doesn't trust Inuyasha. Her jealousy towards Kikyu is far beyond understandable. Yes, Inuyasha loves Kikyu and Kagome, yes Kagome has all reason to be jealous but she absolutely doesn't care for Inuyashas feelings and always puts her feelings first. The relationship between Inuyasha and Kagome is unhealthy in my eyes. I hope you don't mind that I shared my opinion with you

Hi, Anon!!! Of course I don’t mind you sharing your opinion with me. I am all for open discussion, especially with opposing views; it makes for good conversation! I get it, InuKag isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and I won’t be here to change your mind; just explain why I ship it and explain why I respectfully disagree with some points here. Sorry this is gonna be long because I love getting questions and writing meta LOL

Sunrise changed alot about Inuyasha and Kagome’s dynamic in the anime. I’m not sure if you've read the manga but alot of crucial moments are in there; less sit commands, Inuyasha and Kagome communicating more and understanding their emotions, more intimacy, etc. This is largely due to Sunrise wanting to play up the love triangle for “dRaMa” and tone down the romantic tones in InuKag’s relationship but at the end of the day, the manga came first, meaning its the original canon. 

The sit command is severely overused in the anime (especially when Kagome was pissed) but I chalk it up to it being a running gag from Sunrise and for it to not be taken seriously; just like how Inuyasha bonking Shippo on the head is a running gag too. I’m not saying Inuyasha deserved every single sit he’s been given, because he didn't, nor do I think Kagome was in the right every single time but I do think Sunrise wanted to use that in place of InuKag actually communicating verbally. I hope that makes sense! 

I do not think Kagome is toxic at all to Inuyasha; quite the opposite. If you are referring to their mutual bickering, Inuyasha is just as much at fault as she is. They’re both hotheads with short tempers haha. Inuyasha himself has said that Kagome soothes his soul, he likes seeing her smile, and feels at ease with her. He called her his home and said upon meeting Kagome, he regained his lost heart. (Again...manga content)

That’s huge. 

After Izayoi died, Inuyasha had nowhere to go, everywhere he went, he was subject to discrimination by humans and demons. His only living family rejected him and constantly called him a piece of shit and attacked him. Kagome’s language and actions to Inuyasha when she’s consoling him or encouraging him mean so much to him. She became that home to him because he’s familiar with her, she’s predictable (meaning he never has to look over his shoulder) she never leaves his side and her scent is another huge part of that. The very essence/aroma of Kagome feels like home to him. A half human, half dog demon found home in a woman from the future. 

She is very healthy for him, she shows him that its ok to not be ok, you can build real friendships without worrying about ulterior motives and you can be yourself. Kagome really helped him with self love and while I don’t think she healed every nook and cranny of his tormented soul, she healed alot of it. He made it clear early on in the story that he wanted to become full demon to feel powerful, to feel like he is worthy of respect. But that changed rather quickly. You see, when he fell in love with Kagome, he fell deep. And in falling for her, he dropped his agenda of becoming full demon to get stronger for himself, to wanting to become full demon to protect Kagome (said by Miroku in ep 24).....to not wanting to become full demon at all and just wanting to stay by her side. He wanted to use tetusaiga for (again) selfish needs/personal gain to wanting to use the sword to protect Kagome. And it all comes back full circle when he confesses his love for her in TFA ep 26 through the sweetest monologue ever; stating all what she taught him!!

Also, touching upon the “toxicity in putting her needs above his”, when Kagome was possessed by Tsubaki and in movie 1 by Menomaru, both times she put his needs above her own and told him to flee for his own safety. He responded by saying he's not leaving her side and if he cannot protect her, he isn’t afraid to die for her. And both times Kagome is in immense emotional distress in resisting hurting the man she loves.

Kagome was jealous of Kikyo just as Kikyo was jealous of her. It was just more prominent/shown with Kagome. Kikyo wished it was her who healed Inuyasha’s heart; she said so herself, she also questioned Inuyasha asking him if Kagome meant more to him than she does (to which he does not reply). Kagome may have had a hard time with the love triangle but being the hormonal 15 year old girl she was, she tried her best. She did encourage him to go after Kikyo or to help her; on more than one occasion. 

Despite the dark emotions she acknowledged within her heart, what did she do?? Obtain the bow at Mount Asuza to save Kikyo, purify Kikyo at the waterfall after she was attacked by Naraku, cry over Kikyo’s final death (and Kikyo comforting her mentally). Kagome has a big heart, she is in love with Inuyasha, who returns her feelings but he also cared for Kikyo, and had that obligation to her. Inuyasha also has a big heart. And every time Kagome did Kikyo a favour, you who who appreciated that? Inuyasha. He loves how kind Kagome is, in fact, whenever he’s thinking of her, she’s smiling in his head. 

Kagome and Inuyasha had communication issues and sometimes were too impulsive but I think that's what makes them so lovable. Its because its all not sunshine and rainbows with them. They bicker like an old married couple but they also aren't afraid to die for each other, to protect each other, and show each other affection. Inuyasha is healthy for her too; he shows Kagome a new perspective in the world, something beyond her bedroom window in the modern world. He challenges her and invokes her fighting spirit. They’re each other’s best friends and are soulmates. They love each other very much and chose one another in the end and when it mattered most throughout the series. 

This is why I ship them. Again sorry this was long LOL. 

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + slightly burnt snake secondary (some kind of built secondary model)

Hi hi hi!! Hope you’re well!! So tell me, is there a way to tell whether you’re a lion or a snake secondary beyond the actual “textbook” definitions? I think I’m pretty burnt, and I’m on my way to fixing that, but it would help to know where I’m supposed to be heading lol

(Btw, I’m a Sam coded Dean girl. I don’t think it’s relevant I just thought that system was both useful and hilarious and I’m so glad you posted that)

I also really liked how that turned out.

I’m pretty sure I’m an improv secondary. I think I’m bad at it, hence the burning, but it’s what comes naturally to me and what I would feel most proud of.

I end up planning for a bunch of things, and in some cases I don’t hate it.

Damning with faint praise.

Like if I’m giving a presentation, I open a word document and write down what I’m gonna say verbatim, even the language tics and pauses and hesitations and such, so it’s like I’m actually living it. Then I repeat the whole thing multiple times, amending it whenever I change something, until I feel like I’ve sort of gone through the experience already.

That is… the weirdest way of hacking an improvisational secondary. Because that’s what’s you’re doing. Improvisational secondaries need to be “in it,” so you get as close to that as possible in the prep work.

Then I scrap the whole thing and improvise when it’s actually happening – the result is often pretty different from the word doc

of course.

but I’m a bit more in my element because I’ve done it already and I know I can do it.

This is honestly a really good strategy to make yourself more comfortable with improvising? I can tell you’re unBurning, this feels very much like… training wheels, to me. Heck, I think I would recommend your method to another burnt Improvisational secondary.

I’m not sure, but I think that sort of thing is more built than improv?

Like, kind of? I’m autism spectum, and when I was younger I built a Bird model to help me feel more confident accessing my Courtier Badger. That’s what this feels like.

But I definitely feel like it’s a model I’ve developed to deal with social anxiety and my fear of failure lol. I didn’t do stuff like that before it got bad, and if I could deal with not doing it, I would.

I hear that.

In most other situations, though, I tend to jump right in and go with the flow. I really don’t think very far ahead. I guess I can if I try, when it’s just a matter of logic, but things like my life plans, my relationships, or even more short-term things like plans with friends or what I’m gonna eat or how I’m gonna deal with a task, I really can’t project into the future. I can’t really make decisions or see a situation clearly until I’m in it. Then I tend to make decisions very quickly, kind of on instinct, or whatever feels right in the moment.

You’re definitely an improvisational secondary.

(Actually maybe that’s a primary thing? I’m a snake primary, but I do have a very prominent lion model, and a bit of badger as well.)

Nah, that’s definitely an Improvisational secondary thing. I am curious about your primary though, because you say you don’t have too much in the way of life plans… and *that* is more where a primary would come in. You feel like a safe Snake to me (that is, a Snake whose people are safe) so there is a little bit of… what now? What is the Lion+Badger model you wear over the top interested in?

Point is, I prefer being spontaneous, even if it’s something important. Making plans and having to stick to them makes me feel trapped. I’m not the most constant person, and I like that about me. I want to have room to grow and change, even for the smallest things.

Completely, entirely fair.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve talked more about limitations and things I don’t want so far, but I guess that’s a burnt thing.

I mean, sure you’re a little underconfident, but you seem pretty far along to me.

I’ve seen you mention what’s really useful in determining a secondary is what you actually enjoy, so here goes. I like being in the moment, and I like being able to come up with ideas and solutions on the fly, by taking in the situation and using it to my advantage.

That’s very Snake secondary sounding language.

I think there’s a bit of a separation in my mind between “people things” and “being clever things.”

For “being clever things” (like… I don’t know, an escape room, a problem with an administration, a paper I have to write, video games, some kind of mystery…) I like to rely on being observant and quick-thinking, and if I can find loopholes or outsmart whoever I’m facing to win in an unexpected way, that’s even better (but really more for my ego than anything else, I guess finding the “normal” solution is okay, as long as you get there, it’s just less fun).

Hilarious. Yeah, you sound like a *confident* Snake secondary to me.

For “people things” (drama with family or friends, or if someone is being an ass, or if someone comes to me for advice on interpersonal things), I prioritize being straightforward and honest. If I have time to plan or if I’m giving advice, I might come up with something more sneaky and elaborate, but if I’m in the moment, I’m most likely to be really confrontational, stubborn and unyielding, even if it makes things more difficult for me.

Hmm. I am reading this as a Snake who likes being Neutral - especially those words “stubborn” and “unyielding.” There’s a reason Neutral Snakes are called “the unmovable object.”

If I catch myself, I try to avoid it, but that just means staying silent and removing myself from the situation – I can’t bring myself to make compromises if it feels like I’m betraying myself.

Okay, now that’s sounding more Lion.

To be clear, that’s almost exclusively with people I’m close to, or who are supposed to “know me”.

Oh okay. This is your secondary interacting with your primary. Actively lying to and misrepresenting yourself to Your People would be immoral to a Snake Primary.

With friends who aren’t in my inner circle, or acquaintances, or complete strangers, or authority figures, I might get upset internally if I’m perceiving a slight or injustice, but I can keep up the mask I need no problem. That being said, I don’t have a lot of patience for drama, so if whatever it is can’t be quickly resolved with a convenient lie or saying what works for me in a way they won’t mind hearing, I just stick to what I’m actually thinking and/or my neutral state (I’m not sure it’s accurate to use snake language here, but it feels like it and it’s convenient).

I think it’s highly appropriate and accurate. All that is reading very Snake.

I’ve seen a bunch of people say lion and snake secondaries are sort of at odds with each other, but I don’t really get the contradiction between them yet (as in, I don’t see why people can’t be both those “contradictory” things at the same time). I do mask a lot, and I enjoy it – I think it’s rewarding, and honestly it just makes sense – it’s what works best in that moment, and it feels natural to shift that way. I just don’t feel it’s a misrepresentation. The whole “it’s not cheating, it’s being clever” thing just feels a little too dishonest. Cheating is cheating, no need to be so smug about it. It’s not wrong, though, at least not always. If it’s hurting someone who doesn’t deserve it, then it’s wrong (might still do it if the alternative is worse, but that doesn’t mean it’s suddenly an ethical choice to make, it just means I’m okay with being immoral in that instance).

All that being said, I don’t think masking is being dishonest about yourself. I don’t think anything that comes out of my mind is “not me”, it just doesn’t work that way. The personas I have with different groups or people in my life are all genuine, it’s just that different sides of me are brought up. And if I’m acting in a way that’s actually not genuine, that mask is still my creation – if someone else were to come up with a mask for that same situation, it would be different, because their mind works differently. Everything you do is a reflection of yourself, and even if you were to try your best to be honest all the time, you’d never be able to show your true and complete self to someone else. You can’t even see that yourself.

Oh man. This is why I love writing these, and this is what I mean about Lion and Snake being so incomprehensible to each other. Because Lions fundamentally do not think this way, every word here is dripping with Snake.

It might be helpful to think of Lions as static. That’s how Shakespeare (who definitely seems like a Snake secondary…) writes about them, and he sees them as sort of tragic. Lions really do have a “core” persona that feels more true than all the others, and they really do exist in it as much as they possibly can. And feel good and moral about doing that.

And a mask’s point may be to deceive or to gain something, but being blunt and straightforward can be used in that way too.

You are literally thinking of “common Lion secondary presentation” as another useful mask, and it’s so Snake, and so fantastic.

I’m thinking this sounds more snake than anything else, so I’ll focus on why I thought I might be a lion too now. I guess the reason I’m on the fence is because these two are presented as “either you think the only way is through, or you’re looking for a way around it”, and I’m not comfortable saying I favor either.

That is *a* way to think about the two secondaries. But those are symptoms, not causes. The reason a Lion secondary feels that the only way out is though is because a Lion secondary must be themselves, or die.

My first thought was to say that I get more satisfaction from finding ways around a problem because it makes me feel cleverer and it’s more fun, but that’s because I’m zeroing in on certain types of situations (people giving me some intellectual challenge, debates, or video games). But there were also a lot of times where I stuck it out and kept going with pigheaded stubbornness, and got a lot more satisfaction out of that (physical challenges like obstacle courses, disagreements with my parents, winning over certain people).

Here’s where I think the confusion is. You’re a Snake secondary, and one of your masks looks very Lion. Note how you talk about using this “pigheadedness” with certain people, who you know will respond well to it.

In fact, I remember my father telling me one day “yeah, you’re never here to compromise, you just make decisions and inform us, and keep going while you wait for us to accept reality,“ and I actually can’t describe how proud and smug I was about that. Kind of insufferable, but I just get so euphoric when people see right through me and show they get me, even if it’s about the more annoying or bad parts of me.

I think that’s just a human thing. The mortifying ideal of being known is how you feel loved.

I remember a conversation I had with my ex after we broke up where she cut right through all my bullshit and discarded my whole mask to get right to my inner self and the core of certain issues, and even though I was still mad and upset, and kind of embarrassed that she could see me being vulnerable, I couldn’t help but be happy about it, because I felt known.

Yeah. <3

I don’t interact much with people outside of my inner circle, so I can’t tell if it’s entirely specific to them, but I really vibe with the “honesty is their strength” part of being a lion. That’s why my people trust me and rely on me so much, because even though they know how sneaky I can get and how fun I think tricking people is, they also know I default to telling the truth and saying what’s on my mind more often than not, because they’re my people.

I think that, as a Snake primary who mostly only interacts with Your People, you’re in a kind of unusual position. I know that the presentation of a Snake who feels safe can be blunter, can be more Lion-y. My experience with Snakes is… yeah, sometimes I know I’m being manipulated, or having my buttons pushed in a specific way. But I’m fine with it, because I’m one of their people, and I know they would never hurt me. That’s where the certainty is coming from.

Then again, I also have a “it’s not lying unless they’re entitled to the truth” attitude with basically everyone else. I just don’t think some people deserve to know me that way.

snaaaake

(lions are going to take the truth and PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE with it, and if you can’t deal that’s YOUR PROBLEM)

And “ideally”, as in, if I didn’t have anxiety and a bunch of other issues, I still don’t think I’d just be neutral all the time. Sounds boring. And inconvenient.

Snake secondaries are great.

Ahhh, should I even post this? I feel like my whole thought process before this moment of introspection was “so I really vibe with snake, but I’m also hotheaded and a bit of a bitch, so I MUST be a lion, right” lmao. I just think I’m a straight up double snake at this point.

Yep.

Oof, a long way from my original lion bird sorting back when I first discovered SHC hahaha

Yeah, I used to think I was a Badger Bird.

(For the record, I’m writing this in a word doc, and it’s almost 2k now. I haven’t checked how long these normally are, so I’m really sorry if this is too long!!! I’m like physically incapable of being concise I’m so sorry)

Sometimes I edit or re-arrange these slightly for a cleaning reading experience, but I’m having fun. I was engaged all the way though.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for doing these!! They’re super interesting and I’m sure it helps people a lot, and also it’s really cool to see how different people think. I’m a socially-challenged writer, so it’s useful to have that bit of insight into other people’s minds. Love ya <3 <3 <3

[bluelancelion]

Here's some characters info about the Pirate/Assassin/Princess AU klance-Voltron fanfic that I'm writing!

(Lance is a pirate and Captain of a ship, Keith is an assassin with a mission and Allura is a runaway princess. They all end up in Lance's ship for a long, disastrous journey. What could possibly go wrong?)

CHARACTERS:

Lance

- Pirate

- Captain (we believe in Lance's leadership)

- homesick boy

- free spirit

- loverboy with a broken heart

- found family in the sea

- protective

- funny

- obnoxious

- touchy

- carefree

- kind

- stubborn

- very competitive

- looks ultra confident, he's actually insecure (his friends know it and they're here to support him)

Hunk

- A GOOD BOY

- Actually a fucking human tank

- He's like??? Insanely strong???

- Worked all his life with his family, decided to take his life in his hands and parted ways

- Knows Lance from childhood, he decided to go with him

- OR he didn't know him at first and he stumbled across him and became best friends ever since

- Best Cook ever

- Worst Pirate ever

- He got used to it though

- GOOD at shooting with cannons

- Actually the Fucking BEST

- Still gets scared about everything else and can you really blame him?

- Can and will repair every single piece of the ship

- Gifted boy with lots of pressure on him, but now he can live freely and do whatever he wants

- the mom friend half of the time

- shares his last two braincells with Pidge and Lance the other half

Pidge

- a fucking savage

- Looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually kill you

- Too fed up with the good girl stays at home sewing socks for nasty babies bullshit

- So she took her tools and left

- Stumbled across Hunk and Lance and found the family she never though she needed

- At some point they collect the other Holt too

- Can do phenomenal tricks with weapons

- Like, she can build from scratch cool things or modify already existent guns and swords and SHE LIKES TO BUILD BOMBS out of FUCKING NOWHERE???

- Blind like a mole

- her only weakness is her sight. No glasses? Sayonara.

- Which is funny because she's the look-out/sentry of the ship

Keith

- Social Anxiety

- Kills people off as a job but turns out to be a soft bean???

- Yeah Lance still has a hard time believing that

- fucking competitive

- loves knives more than people

- Actually love deprived

- "I push them away before they reject me"

- doesn't have a hair/skincare routine but still looks flawless and pretty

- perfect sight 100% perfect muscles super agile like a feline but WILL Stumble down a staircase if looking directly at a cute boy's ass eyes

- Cool in the streets, awkward in the sheets

- But that's cool cause Lance loves everything about him anyway

- Nah he's probably fine in bed, he's just so awkward in the courtship part?

- Which explains why he never had a stable relationship

- other than the fact that he slices people's throats off

- loves his brother

- a free spirit who's long been refrained by his own living style

- things that will change thanks to some cuban boy

- now he slices off people's throats IN THE SEA :D

- really fucking gay

- emo edge lord

Shiro

- Let the man rest in peace

- Wanted to have a normal life, work, get married, make a family and such

- Ends up armless in the middle of the fucking ocean adopting three underage pirates and one depressed boy under the jurisdiction of a runaway royalty.

- Honestly just let him die

- Decided to take a nap, got kidnapped instead

- Decided to get a vacation, got chased by bloody murderers instead

- Just wanted to chill from the start but I guess that's not gonna happen lol

- Actually pretty funny

- Bad dad jokes

- "Oh well since we're already at this point of the situation, might as well roll with it"

- His patience is a mask, he keeps going on by sipping tequila when nobody watches

- Can be awkward. Like, a parent level awkward

- the dad friend half feeling responsible about everything half not giving a shit anymore at some point

- tiddies

Allura

- a fucking badass

- "I can like cute things and can also kick you ass"

- feels bad about 80% of the time but the squad makes her feel worse

- just kidding they actually make her feel inlcuded

- which means they don't care about what she does or doesn't do

- which is new for her cause being a princess means being perfect and have etiquette and such

- but there she can be herself without standing up to any expectations

- so at some point she just lets go and starts living the way she wants

- old like Shiro but childish like Lance

- she and Shiro could be great leaders but here it's Lance supremacy, let the seniors be still and chill

- Even though she's free now, it's a good thing that Lance cares about beauty. They become skin product buddies

- Allura learns the way of a true living and becomes aware of how people live outside the castle (not that she never went out but those occasions became more rare as the enemy slowly rised, that's why Alfor took precautions.)

- (THIS FIC BASICALLY IS ABOUT HOW EVERYONE FOUND FREEDOM THANKS TO LANCE AND HOW ONE OF THEM GIVES HIM HIS HEART)

- God is a woman and her name is Allura

Coran

- the most gorgeous man you'll ever see

- The doctor of the crew!

- Very interested in science and medicine

- Can fix you up in no time, make awful jokes (very appreciated) and can make lotion to make moustaches grow faster

- Professional adviser in the castle becomes a very enthusiast pirate in 0.67 seconds because he's adventurous and lively and honestly everyone needs a Coran in their life

- "Coran, how can you get used to this life this quickly? It took me months to get used to it"

- "Well, you see Princess, it's all about the TONE of the speech and the GESTURE. If you want to be a pirate, you have to act like one" *puts on pirate blindfold and starts making weird noises to assert dominance*

- He's the man with a parrot on his shoulder

- generally enthusiast about everything

- just really loves learning things

- At some point becomes a drug dealer for a short time

- looks like he adopted everyone, is actually still aware of them

- it takes some time but he ends up adopting everyone

- other pirates make him compliments about his mustache

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm being possessed by the inspirational demon and now I can't stop writing. Should I post the fic somewhere once I finish it?

Let me know in the comments :3