#lol I’m really taking advantage of the/stressing the sort of free day

[girl-in-the-suit]

CCRogues’ 1k Celebration Rogues Weekend: ↳  Day 3 - Free Day | Top Rogues → Mark Mardon

[hermannsthumb]

for the autumn fic meme.. newmann #20 like newt chasing leaves and hermann outwardly is psh, childish and internally heart eyes and is crunching the leaves around his feet with his cane when newts not looking (this became really long lol feel free to just post it not as a request)

20. Crunching Leaves

from autumn fic prompts here

this is such a cute idea

-------------------------

"It's weird having a break from things, isn't it?" Newton says.

Hermann hums noncommittally. He prods the small fire in their chiminea with the end of a rusted poker (dug up from a garden shed that's seen better days), and moves his leg back just in time to avoid spraying his trouser hem with sparks. Newton tugs the sleeves of his sweatshirt down over his knuckles and gives him a small smile. "Even a small break," he amends. "It's like a mini vacation."

Hermann is not sure—if given the opportunity to do so—he would've picked the northwestern United States as his ideal vacation spot, nor would he spend three out of their four days there networking and lecturing at an international Kaiju Science conference, but he supposes he understands Newton's point. The location of their rental cabin is remote and wooded, which has made for rather calm, picturesque evenings by the living room fireplace, and everything (even their sparse accumulation of groceries) is on the PPDC's budget, which means it's hardly the hit to the wallet it would have otherwise been. Ideally, he would not have to handle Newton on a vacation, either, but Hermann supposes nothing can be perfect. He watches silently as Newton pours himself another cup of coffee from the rental kitchen's French press. "Mm," Hermann says.

Their flight back to Hong Kong leaves tomorrow afternoon. Over their shared dinner of instant mashed potatoes and fish sticks from a box, Newton had suddenly become deeply incensed that they had not taken full advantage of the rental cabin, and dragged Hermann outside onto the small back patio to do some proper autumn things—to Newton, that meant finding two wooden deck chairs languishing under moss and ivy at the very back corner of the property, lighting a campfire in the dusty chiminea with an ancient book of matches discovered under the sink, and attempting to roast marshmallows with a broken tree branch. He gave up on the marshmallows after he kept burning his beyond recognition, too impatient to hold them anywhere but directly in the flames. Hermann had not bothered in the first place. He's always been somewhat repulsed by their texture. "Have you ever been camping?" Newton says.

Hermann shivers at the thought of willingly spending time inside a tent. Even sitting outside beneath trees right now (where twigs bounce from above onto his clothing, bugs keep landing on him, and all sorts of things to set off his hay fever) is pushing the limits of his patience. "Absolutely not."

"I used to go camping every October when I was a kid," Newton says. "I loved it. This place kinda reminds me of the campground we'd go to. So many—" He waves his hand around, and adds, lamely, "Trees."

Hermann privately thinks that all forests tend to look the same, but he doesn't tell Newton that; it's not as if they can take a stroll through the woods whenever they'd like back in Hong Kong, where they spend about ninety percent of their waking moments toiling away in the dark and the damp of the basement laboratory, and he's not keen to put a damper on Newton's good spirits. He knows Newton has spent more than a few days off of work hunting down the nearest hiking spots, always returning (often the following morning) with his pockets full of leaves and interesting rocks he looks up online. Hermann has always, quite frankly, found it endearing. Not that he would ever confess such a thing to Newton.

He pokes the fire again. This time, sparks shoot out at Newton's boots. Newton doesn't bother moving out of the way. "I never spent much time outside as a child," Hermann says. "Too busy with school, I suppose." When he was not doing schoolwork for his classes, he was practicing whatever his mother and father decided school was not sufficiently instructing him in (for the Gottlieb children were expected to be exceedingly accomplished and well-rounded in their skills)—advanced mathematics, languages beyond their native German, even piano, for a spell, before Hermann finally confessed he loathed the instrument, though he still retains enough of it he reckons he could play some Chopin should you sit him down in front of one. He used to have a treehouse—a hand-me-down from his elder brother, as most of Hermann's things were—he would keep his telescope in, and he would fall asleep there some nights, one eye still pressed to the eyepiece. That was when he still had the full capabilities of his left leg that were required to shimmy up and down a ladder, of course.

"Didn't you live on a farm?" Newton says.

It was not actually a farm, as Hermann frequently reminds Newton, merely a former farmhouse on what was, at one point, likely farmland, but that must've been at least a hundred years before the Gottliebs moved in. The house was certainly old enough. Newton never fails to roar with laughter over it anyway, and Hermann knows it's because he's picturing Hermann's in dungarees and milking a cow or some such nonsense. Hermann can see Newton's mouth twitching into a broad grin even now. "Hardly," Hermann says. "I really do mean I was too busy to have the time to do much else. My mother and father preferred it that way."

"'Much else'?" Newton echoes.

"Childish sorts of things," Hermann says. A dead leaf drifts from a tree overhead and lands near him on the patio. Hermann stabs it with the poker, debates condemning it to the fire, and then flicks it off to the side inside. He drops the poker back on the ground. "Er. Playing. Indoors, or outdoors."

This sobers Newton up. "You mean, like, being a normal kid?"

"I suppose," Hermann says.

"Jeez, dude," Newton says. "That's...kinda depressing."

Hermann shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee. He doesn't think much about it these days. He doesn't think much about his childhood in general, really, and certainly doesn't waste time moping over it—there are much more important things that require his attention. "Is it?" His coffee's gone cold. They've been out here for quite a long time; the sun has almost set on the horizon, and the chill of the October evening is settling upon them fast. Hermann suddenly wishes he'd thought to pack a thicker sweater. Or, oddly enough, a book. It feels like the appropriate setting to read something, perhaps even aloud to Newton (not that they would ever agree on what to read). Perhaps he and Newton might draw their chairs together, and toss a heavy blanket over themselves, and Newton would put his head on Hermann's shoulder and poke fun at Hermann's taste in literature, but listen intently anyway...

The fire pops. Hermann coughs and shoos his traitorous thoughts away. Another leaf drifts down, this one landing in Newton's hair, and Newton's smile returns as he extracts it. He clenches his fist around it with a satisfying crunch. "I love fall," he says. He raises his boot above another leaf and slams it down with an even louder crunch. His smile widens into a grin. "Hey, do you remember if there was a rake in the shed? I kinda want to make a leaf pile."

"It's nearly dark, Newton," Hermann points out.

"And?" Newton hops to his feet. "I'll be right back," he says, and, his scarf flapping behind him like a cape, tears off back in the direction of the shed, taking care to trod on each and every dry leaf in his path.

He returns a minute later empty-handed. "No rake," he says.

He jumps on another leaf. Then another.

"Don't be such a child," Hermann sighs, though his heart twists in his chest at the sight of Newton so unabashedly happy. He often envies Newton for how carefree he can be sometimes, though he has a sinking feeling what he's feeling now is nothing remotely like envy. Newton really is a thorn in his side.

Newton, rather appropriately, sticks his tongue out at him, and then jumps on another leaf. The force of it jostles his glasses so far down his nose they threaten to fall to the ground themselves. "I'm having fun, man. This is the first time I haven't been stressed out of my fuckin' mind in months." He pushes his glasses back up. "I wish we had another day here."

Oddly enough, Hermann finds himself agreeing with Newton. But he'd prefer an additional day without Newton, of course—Hermann would love to have a day all to himself here, where he could sleep in late, take advantage of the bathtub (which he's been too shy to so far, given that their cabin has only one restroom and he shares it with Newton), and devote as little time as he pleased to all things kaiju-related. Well, maybe he'd let Newton stop in for dinner. Or for a passionate debate or two. Or to share a blanket and a book, if only in Hermann's wildest fantasies. It does sound a bit like a bore without him.

While Newton's back is turned, Hermann uses his cane to crunch a few dry leaves littering the ground by his feet. The sound really is quite satisfying. "Can we go inside now?" he says. When Newton turns to him, his hair sticking up at odd angles, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes bright behind his glasses, Hermann must affect a frown to keep himself from smiling. "I'm—er—I'm getting a bit cold."

[cautionworks]

Okay, so I wanted to write some NSFW Headcanons for Hisoka. All of these headcanons I said are purely based on my interpretation. I have read some other Hisoka headcanons before but I forgot about them a while ago. Plus I know nothing about actual sex. So I'll have fun writing this. Here we go lol.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

It depends on who's he with. If it was just a one-night stand he won't attempt to be comforting or try to care about the other party. The most He'll do is clean himself and nothing more. If he had a "significant other" that's a different story. He would cuddle the hell out of you. I imagine him as a clingy person (Which I hate). Once he's finished he just wants to fall asleep with you under his arms. He finds it relaxing to have your back against his chest. Especially when it's soft.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

The back. I do not know why but I have the feeling that he would like a person's back. Especially if the person has slightly defined back muscles. Something about a person's back seems so vulnerable to Hisoka that he leans towards it whenever he’s behind someone he finds attractive. It's part of the reason why he likes to be behind people. Because he feels it's the most vulnerable place and he won't hesitate to take advantage of it when it comes to his enemies. Seriously don’t have this man around women with shirts that expose the backside. Or bikinis. He will not stop staring. Now I think about it I think he’ll like a virgin sweater.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically... I’m a disgusting person)

Hisoka will eat it/swallow it. He's no stranger when it comes to being nude in his abode. So him being in his natural self, he won't hesitate to taste his own or his partner's bodily fluid. (Not pee you weirdos).

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Hisoka is a secretive man. It's literally what his name means. When asked direct questions he'll find a way to dodge them without seeming suspicious. And he's a liar. But when it comes to the bedroom. It's another side of him. He's not so secretive about it. It's just no one asks him about it and so he never felt the need to mention it. But when he did he will say it all. This man has done very risque things in his life. He once fucked a girl in an office building right after he killed her boss. There’s was a huge gathering of people including the girl's boyfriend. And he did it in one of those rooms where there's a glass that's see-through on one side and the other is not. Which the boyfriend happened to be there. You can guess which side he did it on. In the end, that girl was left with the time of life of her life and the loss of her partner and her job.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Extremely experienced. I'm sorry I'm a firm believer that Hisoka got laid many times by various women and men. If he's so strategic and calculated in fighting people then it's no surprise that he has skills in the bedroom. Plus he needs the release. I can't imagine how bored and frustrated he is when he can't kill anyone or there are no strong opponents. So it's understandable that he looks for partners to ease his stress. If there's nobody available at the moment. Then he will do what any man would do. Le master debate.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Again this one depends on who's he with. If he just with one of his late-night booty calls he would do the normal doggy style. If he's with someone he's heavily interested in. He will do all sorts of positions. His favorite position is where he can always see your face. Because one he wants to know if he's doing a good job. Two. He likes to watch your face morph into different facial expressions as he touches you in different ways.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He can be hella silly sometimes. If he's having sex with you for a while he will feel comfortable being playful. Of course, he can be serious if he needs to. But that rarely ever happens. The only times he would get serious if he was actively trying to get you pregnant for whatever reason. Which is not an issue. He uses bungee gum. It contains rubber and gum. Free condoms everyone. (Lol)

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Oh hell yeah the carpet matched the drapes! You were surprised that it was the same hair color as his hair. You were so in disbelief that you considered that he just dyed it. Which was not the case. Let's just say Hisoka likes to keep things short. Normally you would find it to be shaved. Yet, sometimes he'll leave some hair to grow. A little hair never really bothered him.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect...)

*sigh* This one depends. Ima skip this one because Hisoka is not romantic. Just kidding. Because I think he would be good in the bedroom, I think he CAN be a romantic partner. Romantic how? I don’t know he can be that’s all there’s to it. (Talk about laziness)

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He does it more often than the average person. Like I said in my (E = Experience) Hisoka would do it if there’s nobody available at the moment. What I didn’t say is where and when he would do it. He’ll do it anywhere. This man has no shame. He will do it in a church, public bathroom, or hospital bed. Inside or out. It did not matter to him. Unless if it was raining. That would be his own little rule but he breaks it all the time. For some reason, many opportunities for sex happened to be on rainy days. When? He’ll do it even when he has a mission to do with Illumi. If he’s in the middle of a job and He's in horni mode. He’ll find a way to release without anyone knowing. He could do it right in front of a person without them knowing. Sometimes he just stands there with an orgasmic face on. The only way he’s able to masturbate in public is because he is using bungee gum. I know for a fact he’s use’s this ability in his sexual encounters with people especially for himself. This man could just stand there and you wouldn’t know if he was just being weird or he’s just doing it again.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

KINK SHAMING IS HIS KINK! I’m just kidding. Without a doubt, Hisoka would have one or two kinks. Bondage. Bondage. Bondage. As boring and well known this kink is. It makes sense at least to me it does. Hisoka bungee gum ability can grab, stick or even trap a person. So he finds pleasure in watching his partner's skin be wrapped in his bungee gum. He has so much control over it. How tight it can be. How rubbery or gummy it can be depending on the situation.Another thing I’d like to say. Hisoka is A SADIST AND MASOCHIST. He likes giving and receiving pain. That’s just how it is.

L = Location (Favorite places to do they do)

Anywhere that has a good spot to fuck you against something. Any surface that he can place you on. But if he were to have a “favorite place” it would be in places that are morally wrong to do or somewhere exciting like a carnival/circus. Hisoka hasn’t set limits to himself so usually, it's his partner that sets the boundaries.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

If he sees you in revealing clothing (Especially if your back is completely exposed) his wood is rising. You could just be lying on your stomach on the couch, scrolling on the phone. If you’re wearing a bra or nothing on and Hisoka happens to be there. There’s no doubt he'll find ways to lay his hands on you. It's not just the back that could turn him on. THIGHS AND HAMSTRINGS will have the man going. In particular, he likes it when it's Thicc/meaty. My man likes dem Thicc thighs. (Lol)

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

This one is only one of my most important headcanons ever. And I won’t accept anything other than this. Rape/Noncon. Hisoka does not find any joy in forcing himself on his partners. It’s not fun for him if his partner isn’t enjoying it either. The biggest turn-off for him would have to be anything related to bodily wastes like pee or poo.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Oh, he likes receiving it more than giving it. But that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy giving his significant other pleasure too. I would say his skill level is pretty good. Let’s just say when he does it, it's more than enough to please his partner. When he receives it expect lots of hair pulling and heavy groans.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Fuck! It depends on his mood. Normally he likes to do it slow and sensual. But on a bad day, he does it rough and fast. A Good example of this was after Chrollo told him he can not use nen. Hisoka kept his emotions to himself. The only face he allowed himself to show was his normal displeased face. But inside he’s pissed. Once he leaves the troupe he heads back to his partner's place and sleeps with them. At least he released his frustration without killing anyone. (Omg Imagine fucking Hisoka was the leading cause of people still alive) Other than that he just aggressively masturbates.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

*Deep inhaling* Hisoka IS THE KING OF QUICKIES. He’s a master at it. While he’s patient for riping fruits he rarely has patience for sexual activities. He's on the go constantly. If he finds someone that catches his eye he’ll go after them. So a nice quickie is great and all but it doesn’t entirely satisfy him. Because it doesn’t satisfy him overall, a proper well spent “shagging” (This will be the first and last time I’ll ever write “Shagging”) He’s happy. Just happy that he can give his all. Which he can not do often.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Absolutely! Hisoka has his life on gamble all the time. Whether it may be life-threatening or a simple card game. Risking taking is his character. Even if it's too crazy. He’ll do it anyway. He's an exhibitionist for sure. He’ll let people watch as long no one touches his partner.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)

To my knowledge. IRL men need a break after sex. In the show, Hisoka was able to clear the hunter's exam easily. So we know Hisoka has a lot of endurance than the average human. He’s stronger and faster. So that means Hisoka will not get tired after one round of sex. I think he can go at least 10 rounds. Of course, Hisoka would get tired at some point. He’s still human. Hisoka just has a lot of stamina. And that’s a fact.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yall are probably gonna hate me for this but Hisoka doesn’t own toys. If his partner wants it during their time together, he will not hesitate to get it/use it. He doesn’t feel the need to use it since he’s very confident in his ability to please his partner without the use of toys. For himself? if wants something inside him then he’ll just look for a guy that’s decent for his standards. But that doesn’t stop him from using a dildo/vibrator for himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Hisoka is a sadistic devil. He can be cruel sometimes. One time he had this girl close to climax and he stopped in the middle of it. Or He would cause arousal to his partner and pretend it was all an accident. He’s a huge teaser. He likes to watch his partner be in ecstasy and switch to fits of anger.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s a fucking whale. (LMAO) He’s the reason why kids know what moans sound like. He’s hella vocal in his private moments. He so loud that almost every troupe member recognizes his moans every time they hear them. But that doesn’t mean he can’t be quiet. Contrary to popular belief, Hisoka can be dead silent when he needs to be. He can be quiet as a mouse. Even quieter than the mouse. Now, what does he sound like? Well, we all heard his moans his fights. But I think it's different. I think his moans in fights are different while masturbating/sex. Just a slight difference. His moans would be more intense and he's a heavy breather. His tone of moans is a bit feminine with a tint of masculinity. He has the best of both worlds.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He likes to have pictures of you. Like a lot. He has a private gallery full of pictures of you on his phone. That’s why this time he actually takes care of his phone. He’s prone to get his phone destroyed in his missions. So he’s much careful with it now. These pictures can range from cute photos of you and him together to butt naked pics of you not looking.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture, or words)

Now you horny Hisoka Simps think he has a 12-inch dick but I don’t think that’s the case. (I mean come on) I know there are Chinese HxH fans who took the time to measure his length by looking at manga panels. Based on what I found. Hisoka is 5 inches long (aroused) and 6 inch Inches long (aroused). To make him above “Average”. He is 6 inches long (aroused) and 7 inches Inches long (aroused). Beyond that I don’t know how a female or male have can have a size like that fit in them. Or maybe I’m not educated enough on this topic. I don’t know and I don’t care.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very High. A lot of people who write Hisoka smut fics tend to make him a horny bastard. For me, I think that is the case. But my reasons are different. As I said in my E = Experience. Hisoka would look for partners to ease his stress. His obsession with finding/fighting strong opponents takes a toll on his mental and physical state. So once he can't think of another outlet for his tremendous amounts of energy, he'll use it to please himself with different partners.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

I'm going to say that depends on the person. If he only did 2-3 rounds of sex with an average person he's not going to fall asleep easily. Eventually, he will. Due to being bored and little tiredness. If he were to do it with a skilled nen user like Machi. He would get tired a lot more.

Oh woah that took forever to write! Let me just say it again this is purely my own headcanons. The questions are not mine only my answers. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Taking a Break.

(Aug 24 to Sept 14/20)

So.

You may have guessed this was coming with my hinted responses to recent posts. I talked with a few Lovelies behind the scenes to help ease my fears about this decision. I’ve done a lot of reflective thinking for the past few weeks, and I’ve decided that when I have a three week break from work, I am also going to take advantage of that and take a three week break from here as well.

This is not something any of y’all did. Please do not think this. This is a “Steph hasn’t had time for herself since last summer” thing, a “Steph puts too much on her own shoulders because she doesn’t feel she deserves her own time” thing, a “Steph just needs a break” thing. And it’s been made even worse with C-19 because I’m NEVER off of the same computer nor couch. Before, I’d go to and from work, and blogging in the evenings was fun, because I didn’t do it during the day. Then on weekends, I’d answer asks and leave for the gym, spend a bit of my day running around, and come home, play again on Tumblr, and repeat.

Now, on work days, I literally wake up, spend 16 hours on my laptop, and then go to bed. Weekends, I FEEL obligated to be on Tumblr to help curate the community I love treasure so dearly, so ANOTHER day or so of my weekend is dedicated to making sure I have content for the following week to come, because HEY I can’t leave home anyway, MAY AS WELL. 

My blog is nearly a full time job, one I volunteer my free time for (I have a Ko.fi, shameless segue). I spend about 30 hours a week answering asks, filing my posts, searching for stuff for people, collecting reblog threads and chains, and generally trying to keep a positive attitude because I know so many of y’all come here for safety, love, happiness, and escapism. And I do it ALL because I LOVE doing it. I love being a curator of fandom. I love having a blog that people know they can come and generally have a good time. I love all of my friends and lurkers and the people who help me make this blog an interactive one.

The problem is that with never leaving home, I am becoming emotionally drained, very depressed, and am slowly not enjoying doing this anymore. I DON’T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. So after a lot of discussions with a few people and self reflection, I’ve decided I need Steph-Time™, and I need to FEEL like I’m not obligated to be here all the time, just like I needed time away from work. As I explained to my boss, I just need that time to not feel obligated to answer calls and Slack messages without feeling guilty about it. It’s different when I have a Work Computer and a Home Computer. My home computer is supposed to be Fun Stuff. Now it’s not, because work bothers me on my fun computer. He agreed, as did the Lovelies who I talked to behind the scenes.

I love you guys SO MUCH, and I love receiving the asks I get, but some days, a dozen asks daily becomes overwhelming and new fic lists and song recs become intimidating. I need a break. It’s taken me a lot to say that, because I am crying writing this because I feel so many people need me, and I genuinely don’t feel like I deserve a break ever, because there are people who come to me for comfort and need it more than I need a break.

But the ironic thing is that I can’t help anyone if I’m not taking care of myself. How fitting that my own advice to others comes back to slap me in the face, eh?

So, here’s what’s happening then, because I KNOW I can’t 100% stay away from here...

I am taking 3 weeks off from work starting August 24 until September 14. My “obligation break” from Tumblr will be during that time as well. I say “obligation” because Tumblr feels like I HAVE to do it. I don’t want that. I want to see what it’s like being you guys again, just taking in content, and coming on occasionally, post up shit photos of myself, LOL.

During said break, ALL ASKS AND SUBMISSIONS WILL BE TURNED OFF. I want to, IF I FEEL LIKE IT, take the time to answer some old asks. Essentially, I just want to do my blog because I feel like it, not because I NEED NEW CONTENT. Yeah, I think that’s what stresses me out, is because I’m TERRIFIED that y’all will leave me if I don’t keep producing new stuff, so I just.... never stop, and it’s draining me.

As an exception to the off-inbox rule, ASKS WILL BE TURNED ON ON AUGUST 27 ONLY. That is my birthday, and I know some people will want to send me well wishes. If you send me an un-related ask on that day, I probably won’t answer it unless it’s one of those ones I can answer quickly. But yeah, my birthday is on the 27, if anyone is interested in that sort of thing.

WEDNESDAY FIC LISTS WILL NOT BE PUBLISHED DURING THESE THREE WEEKS. Namely because I have exactly 4 lists ready to go, and I plan on using them for the this and the three subsequent Sundays. 

Five Fics Friday is still on, as is Fic Rec Sunday. 5FF will probably be fave fics instead of new MFLs, so I’m sorry about that. The Sunday lists are already done and therefore not going to stress me out.

I’m not leaving completely. I’m still here, I just, like I said, need that obligation element removed from my brain. You guys have NO CLUE how guilty I feel every day when I have to choose one or another ask because of the quickness of one ask over another, or the fact that This Day was a Bad Day™ and I can’t answer advice asks in a bad headspace. I need that element removed to just the asks I’ve already got, and let myself answer them on my own time. Draft a slew of them to post when I return (I mean, y’all have been waiting months/years on some of my asks, what’s another three weeks, LOL), and head back with a clear head to better help you guys.

So LITERALLY, the only difference you guys will notice is the lack of NEW posts. My queue is full for the next MONTH, so literally you would not even know I was gone unless you tried to send me an ask or a DM.

Let’s be real here, guys, I’m not going to completely disconnect for 3 weeks. Y’all will be yelling at me to get off and go outside, LOL.

So what am I doing with my 3 weeks then? Updating my resumé, learn some new art skills, go for my Big Walks™ I haven’t been doing, play some video games, get my hair cut, maybe get my cat. Do and post up some of my art I’ve been meaning to finish. You know, stuff that not-losers do, LOL.

Anyway, unlike Mofftiss, please don’t give up on me after three (weeks) :D I just need a mental health check, is really all this is. I’m having a hard time disconnecting work from leisure and I need to do that again. <3 

I will be back, I promise!! And hopefully better. <3

This is a very difficult decision for me, because I’ve been running this blog at full steam for about FIVE YEARS NON-STOP. All because I’m scared of hurting people. I hope you all understand.

I love you guys so much. <3

~Steph

[freddiefcknmercury]

Try Me

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader(Black coded/Genderless)

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings/Disclaimer: Smut adjacent. Allusions to ptsd/trauma. Mentions of sexual acts-not explicit.

A/N: Not too much to say about this one tbh. I just be thinking thoughts and this was another one of them: Bucky would actually be pretty tame in bed though right??? This is supposed to be a pretty un-horny Drabble piece but we’ll see how it turns out lol. 

PS if anybody wants the smut for this feel free to let me know for a part two..............

Summary: You finally get a night alone together but theres something on your mind...

~*As always, be Nice to me I’m Delicate*~

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

      Tonight isn't special. Not by any means. It's another soft grey evening. No calls. No where to be. No work to be done, mostly because you demanded one day a month that Sam cannot call with "the world is in danger"... it seldom was anyhow. 

There's a gruff solider of a man gently pulling your shoulders back from behind, pushing loose coils of hair out of the way to expose that muscle in your neck that any other blood thirsty monster would swiftly take advantage of. Not him though. He nestles his face against it softly, breathing controlled and intentional so you can tell just how hungry for you he is. He needs to see that shiver in your spine before he tears into it.

He's always been sweet but passionate, enthralled by you. It's never not been amazing and you've never not been sure that this time the earth would surely fall in on itself... but it's a lot of the same. You've tried casually suggesting a little more drama, except you're honestly not that un-vanilla yourself but... tonight, on this soft grey evening where everything is going so well. You need to know.

He removed his teeth to speckle small delicate kisses just behind your earlobe, right against your hairline., The cool night air dancing a tingly sensation as it whips at the small wet spot left behind. 

     "Bucky...?"      "Mmm."

He growls low into the back of your head as he slowly massages your shoulders and chest. You are actual putty in his hands. You Inhale a sharp breath at the sensation.

     "I wanna know something."

     "Shoot."

He always says that. Anybody else it would almost seem dismissive, but that is a genuine 'ask me anything you want' reply. It just hits different.      "What if I said... You could do whatever you wanted to me tonight?"

He stopped for only a half second quickly shuffling threw some part of his brain you're unfamiliar with. He ghosted a firm metal hand straight down the center of your chest landing it squarely in the middle of your stomach. Pulling you back into him, hips perfectly centered into his; Face gently set atop your head.      "I just... want to do what you- I don't want anything special."

It was a soft voice and a gentle head shake, but you can hear a sort of confusion in it all. He didn't have any ulterior motives which is good but not what you meant. You're gonna have to push and be clear...

You pull away just enough to turn and face him. He's calm but his eyes are searching for something that makes sense to him. You can feel your face getting hot, but if you let embarrassment win right now you'll never try again.

     "If I wanted something different from what we normally do... would you want to try it?" He relaxes, relief washing him.

     "There's something specific you'd like?" You shrug, pulling on a stray coil behind your ear out of habit.

     "I'm not sure... maybe." He's intrigued. He smirks, still softly caressing a hip.

     "I'm willing to try anything you want."

He leans forward planting a deep kiss your shoulder. You let out a shaky breath, but maybe he really is on board.      "So..."

You place a firm hand on his chest, just over where his heart would be, deciding to test the waters.

     "If I asked you to hold me down and bend me over this table, you would?"

A shy smirk creeps across your lips, you scoff but refuse to back down from this, not until you find a line.

     "Or pin me up against the wall... and choke me?"

You both lock your gaze. There's an almost too long pause as you both search for something in each other's eyes.

     "Or tie me up."

You laugh a little at that last one, you're not so sure about it just yet. He straightens himself squarely in front of you. He still hasn't answered. You can see him breathing from his stomach. Stress. He wets his lips, eyes flashing down darting a bit before finding yours again; Gently glazing over in a weird mix of emotions you've never seen before.

     "Is that how you see me?" You don't get it. Of course it is?  You think to yourself. There isn't anyone else you would want to do anything like that to you. You blink back the dumb look trying to find a home on your face. The emotion on his is reading just a hair more offended than it was before. Then it sinks in.

     "Oh..." 

You whisper it to yourself first like a secret.

     "Oh god no, Bucky. No, no, no, no."

You take his face in your hands and rest your lips on his forehead. You hadn't thought about it like that. Bucky who only recently stopped asking if he could kiss you beforehand. Who always quadruple checks that you want him inside you. The man that still has a hard time trusting himself.... That maybe, just maybe the Winter Soldier didn't really want to be known for choking his partners in bed. A lot of people still think of him as a Murder machine and not much else. You know better... and you should've known better.      "I'm so sorry Buck. I didn't even consider that."

Now you're definitely embarrassed. You shake your head insistently. 

     "Forget it. I wasn't thinking." Brow furrowed, he places your chin in his hand. You don't recognize this expression either; it reads concerned but you highly doubt he's that worried about you. 

     "Is all that what you want?" You stop. You don't want him to compromise himself for your own cheap thrills.

     "I don't want you to feel-" He squeezes your chin gently. Tilting your head up just an ounce to look him directly in the eyes this time.

     "That's not what I asked you." You exhale, unaware that you were holding a breath. "Do you want to do something like that?" He flashes a quick semi-reluctant smirk, kissing the top of your cheek and lingering there.

     "...I want to make you happy."

[floofsol]

a promise’s a promise

word count: 1.5k (i apologise, this is a lot longer than i usually do)

member: Joshua

genre: mafia!joshua. prosecutor!reader, irritatingly posh-is!hreader

summary/prompt: you and your best friend made a pact. you both agreed that if neither of you had gotten married by the age 30 then you’d marry one another. it’s now time to fulfil that promise, the thing is, over the years, your best friend has become the leader of mafia. you have become city’s top prosecutor

warnings: cursing, mentions of blood and violence

a/n: i got this prompt from an ig account called writing.prompts.re and the moment i saw it, i thought it was perfect to write about sooooo here it is :))) on a side note, i do try to keep my reader’s “character” as genderless as possible, but i finally realise that i can do more to be more accepting. so from now on, i’m going to use they/them pronouns for the reader and if you notice, i also try to keep the reader’s past relationships genderless as well so that i don’t stay too heteronormative. so i really hope that you won't mind and this will obviously change how i write but i hope that you can still appreciate it anyway!!

You were never known for a sloppy memory. But you have never wanted to forget anything more than this, considering the reminder was in your hand. Said reminder was in the form of a letter. Now that you look at the letter, you even remember writing it...you remember sitting at the cafe with your best friend at that time. And if you think even harder, you can roughly recall how the conversation went...

“This is just sad....”, you pouted.

“What is? The fact you get to spend time with your best friend???” Jisoo was starting to tease you about your mood. You felt the biggest eyeroll come out of you.

“No, you idiot. I’m probably gonna end up sad and alone...I doubt I’m gonna be married by 30...”A sigh came out of you. You knew it was still a little young to think about it but being an only child, your parents had always told you that you would need to carry on the family line. But how were you going to that when you barely had time to have a relationship in the first place? How would you even find som-

“Hmm how about this....if the both of us aren’t married by 30....we’ll marry each other.” Jisoo said it with such confidence that you almost agreed without actually processing the idea.

“The fuck? You complain that my crackheadedness is tiring already and you want propose a marriage?” Needless to say, you were at a lost for words.

“Well...it is sort of a last resort for the both of us. And I’m pretty sure that the both of us will find someone by then....soooo, deal?” 

You could tell that he was being serious about this, that this wasn’t a jokey “haha here’s a weird idea”. And you thought to yourself, ‘Why not? It’s not like Jisoo would be the worst person to marry if it came down to it..’

“Then, it’s a deal. If we are both lonely, sad losers at the age of thirty, we’ll marry each other. Let’s seal the deal with a letter...” You declared your decision.

Why younger you chose a letter you can’t remember well but knowing yourself, it would have had something to do with a letter writing phase at that time of life. It would get really stressful and writing letters were therapeutic for you. You had found one of those services that holds on to letters and that would send them out at a later date. Both you and Jisoo agreed for the date to be the first day of the year after since Jisoo was born near end of year so a few days wouldn’t hurt right.

And with the letter dealt with, the both of you had went on with your lives. You remember that you parted ways with him because you disagreed with some friends of his. They would sometimes get into trouble and with you studying law, you didn’t know how to feel about this and when you voiced your troubles to Jisoo, he had dismissed them entirely and said that if you didn’t like it, you could leave. And to his surprise, you actually did. 

With that letter in your hand, you brushed the thought aside. You knew long ago that it was a joke. And you left for work, knowing that with your recent promotion to the top prosecutor position, you would have a mountain of cases to look through. The blood, sweat and tears that took for you to finally be promoted to this esteemed position paid off. You knew that it was an honour to be where you wanted to be. This expectation stemmed from your own overachieving tendencies and the fact that your parents had also worked in law, along with several family members. Being an only child only fuelled that expectation further and as such, people who were close to you understood that sometimes you had to pour your free time into cases as well. You had lost many relationships that way, with your partners saying that you never spared them any time or that you loved your job more than them or the fact that you could always procure a solid point in any fight due to your experience in court. 

And with every failed relationship, you came to accept that with your work life, you would never be able to find a partner understanding enough. Although that meant that you having a lasting relationship was low, you were content. That feeling came from knowing that you tried and you could accept if it wasn't written in the book of fate for you to find a loving partner. 

The letter brought you back down to earth. You were shocked, to say the least, that you didn't even open it until you drove to work. You obviously knew what was written inside but weren’t ready to face it yet but you knew you would have to sooner or later. You heaved a sigh and read the letter;

Dear future me,

I know that this might be sudden and this might not even apply to you now but you made a deal. Do you remember it? The deal might not even apply ti you now and it might sound crazy but hear me -yourself- out okay?

If you aren’t married by now, well then you are kind of engaged to JIsoo...go give him a call or something

And if you are, well then, you can throw this or keep it for a laugh lol

Love,

Me

You recalled how close the two of you were. All the random hang outs and Netflix sessions at each others houses. All those sweet moments where you remembered why the both of you because friends in the first place. Those thoughts brought a grin to your face.

Until you remembered why the friendship broke off..

You were starting to worry about Jisoo. Especially about the company he was hanging out with. They were definitely not of the savoury type. You passed it off at first, until you realised that it was affecting Jisoo as well. And that was when you knew, you had to speak up about it once and for all.

You were nervous. This would obviously not be a very comfortable experience but you just knew it had to be done. You decided that it would be best to bring it up as nonchalantly as you could which happened to be during a platonic Netflix and chill session. 

“Hey Jisoo,” you began shakily.

“Yea?” He seemed to not expect anything, which was advantageous to you.

“Umm, about you know, Seungcheol and your other friends...are you sure it’s...you know...in your best interest to be uhh hanging out with them?” It took you a lot of effort to bring this up. 

He heaved a sigh.

“y/n, it’s really none of business and also not in your best interest to ask...Plus, it’s not like you know what’s best for me and you also do not know anything about them.. ” Jisoo was understandably irritated. This was not the first time that you had hinted about this. 

His comment had really gotten under your skin. What’s best for him?? He says that you would not know, even though you spent the better half of your lives looking out and taking care of each other. And yet, he now cites that you don’t know anything about them either...

“I know plenty about the riff-raff you are hanging out with. They are borderline CRIMINALS!” You don’t know why you had shouted that last word but it definitely took a weight off your chest. 

It also seemed to dislodge Jisoo’s surprisingly calm attitude. 

“You don’t know anything so don’t say shit that you will never understand! You were brought up with privilege you never knew you had. My friends didn’t so I don't see what’s wrong with me making sure that get that privilege now. And that’s all I’m going to say about it. If you aren’t happy, then you can leave.”

And you did. You left that day and never looked back on your friendship. And if you had physically turned around that moment, you would have seen the broken look on Jisoo’s face. But you walked off, towards the future that you never knew was coming. 

The memories plagued you sometimes and there were moments where you felt guilty, after all in your line of work, you knew that sometimes the accused were partly innocent but a job was a job. And with that memory resurfacing, you shook it off and continued your day as per normal. 

It was a long day, full of paperwork and meetings about new cases and everyone was blabbering about a group that was becoming dangerously powerful. It was a mafia at this point and you knew that one day, you would have to face them and try your best to put them behind bars. 

You were more than happy to reach home and take a nice long shower and just..relax for ten minutes. But before you could even put your bags down, your phone rang. 

It annoyed you. The probability of it being someone from work calling about a missing file was high. And you answered the phone with an annoyed, “What”

“Is that how you greet everyone, darling?” 

The voice was lilting and somewhat familiar and yet, you couldn't place your finger on it. 

aight imma end it here for now, this has been in the drafts for a while as i was slowly writing this

as usual, feedback is welcomed!! thanks for making it this far!!!!

[waejinyoung]

Can’t Swim - EP . 5

word count: 4.4k+

a/n: a quicker comeback unlike last time. i know the ending might annoy some people but i wanted to try out a cliffhanger having got the chance.

warning: swearing, thats it lol

EP . 1 , EP . 2 , EP . 3 , EP . 4 , EP . 5 , EP . 6 , EP .7 , EP . 8 , EP . 9

Well, Friday was unexpected. Friday answered many things. Jinyoung’s job. Jinyoung’s friends. Your feelings. Jinyoung’s feelings towards your feelings. So much happened in one day even you couldn’t believe your life had gotten so much action.

Now it was the weekend and luckily you had things to do to take yesterday’s doings off your mind. The eco-hotel.

Saturday Midday

You had Beck come over for the weekend to work on the eco-hotel together. The sheets for the new hotel plans were distributed across the living room floor and the sun was at its peak. You went over to your air con and switched it on. Beck wasn’t a stranger, so you were dressed in a pair of shorts and an oversized short sleeved top. Your hair was up in a messy bun with a pencil behind your ear. You had all your equipment around the room. To be completely honest, the room was an organised mess. Note the word organised.

“Y/N can we take a break? It’s boiling in this room.” Beck looked absolutely drained from the morning session working to finish the eco-hotel.

“I was about to ask the same thing. Want an ice cream or a cold drink?” You signalled that you were gonna head to the kitchen.

“A cold cup of water should do. I’ll be out on the balcony.” You headed over to your kitchen and grabbed a glass of cold water for both of you.

You made sure to manoeuvre through the sheets of paper without dropping a single drop on the them. You gave the drink to Beck. He downed the whole glass in seconds.

“Beck, if you were this thirsty you’re no stranger you could have gotten some water.” You chuckled at his obvious thirst. You sipped some of your water.

“I didn’t even realise how thirsty I was either. Let me go grab another glass.” Beck went back to grab more water.

“Be careful of all the sheets on the floor. No frog movements please, just be extremely careful.” You shouted back into your home hoping he got the message.

You thought to yourselves how you’ll be able to have all the drawings done for Monday morning. You and Beck decided that it was both of your faults for having one of the pieces of land stolen from the next door firm. Hence why you called off all your employees that were working on this project. So, it was just you and Beck until Monday morning

“It’s going to be a rough weekend isn’t it?” Beck came back onto the balcony and saw your nervous face.

“I’m so scared we won’t finish it on time. I even considered calling the client and completely blowing off the project.”

“Good thing you didn’t. I believe we can do it. Even if it does mean less hours of sleep. This is nothing new Y/N. This has been our lives since the first year of architecture school.”

“Speak for yourself. I didn’t cut any hours of sleep for our under grad.”

“That’s true and somehow you still completed your work with flying colours.” You brushed your shoulders and flicked your hair trying to act out the phrase ‘what can I say? I’m that good’ in actions.

“Don’t get too happy. We need those skills back in action until the end of this project.”

“I think what hurts is that this project is actually finished but the client wants hand drawings as well as digital orthographics. Who even wants hand drawings anymore?” You sighed at the unnecessary request by the client.

“Ya! Don’t say that, especially not near the client.”

“I know, I know. He’s a big deal. Everyone knows him and his creations. Who thought he’d want a hotel built in a small town like Jinhae?”

“I guess he heard about the increasing number of tourists coming to Jinhae, especially during the cherry blossom season. If you ask me, it’s a smart move.” You nodded in agreement.

“Come on, let’s get back to work. Enough chit chat.” You headed back into the living room. Beck straight behind you.

“I finished the floor plans. So, we have elevations and sections to draw. We’ve done the axonometric drawings digitally anyways. Mr Chan is gonna have to excuse us for one missing drawing. I may try and do it if we have enough time.” Beck looked at you with a shocked expression.

“You have all the plans done already? Why in hell are we stressing then?” Beck had a smile on his face. Why in hell is he smiling?

“Why are you smiling? We still have so much to do, come on.” You faffed your hands around trying to get Beck to now focus on his work.

“Okay, okay! I’m working.” You guys returned to working at a reasonably fast pace hoping to have most of the drawings done by the end of today.

6:00 PM

You both ended the day by 6:00 pm. You guys had most of the drawings done by then anyways. Beck had never actually had a sit down session alongside you and was shocked at how quick you were. You were done with your drawings, but he had a couple left which you guys both agreed on finishing for Sunday. You still insisted for him to stay the whole weekend which was the original plan.

You guys made eye contact having declared that was enough for the day.

“Takeout.” You both mouthed to each other at the same time.

“Great minds think alike.” Beck exclaimed as you grabbed your phone to call in your usual order. Pizza. A food that’s simple, easy and you just can’t go wrong with.

“Can you order a x-large for today? I’m feeling extra hungry.”

“Alrighty, give me a second?” You rang up the usual place and processed your order. The person on the other end of the call took your order and read back that it should be there in 20 minutes.

“We have 20 minutes to kill. What do we do?”

“I think you should make a call to the leisure centre too.”

“Why?” Were you missing something?

“The meeting is at 11:00 am. Your swimming lesson?”

“Ah shit. I was looking forward for that lesson too. Maybe I can move the lesson so it’s after the meeting. Are we available then?”

“Bad news. The client said to leave the rest of the day free after the meeting. He didn’t say exactly why but I say we listen to him.”

You were looking forward to seeing Jinyoung. More than that whenever you couldn’t make it for your lessons, Max would be the one to cover for your group. Although, everyone knew that wasn’t a good option considering the awkward situation. But you had no choice, it was now up to Jooheon to solve the issue.

You dialled Jooheon’s number.

“Hey Y/N!” He seemed really cheery. You were sure the news you were gonna give him now would kill the mood.

“Hi Jooheon, got some bad news.”

“What is it?”

“You know about the eco-hotel… The presentation for the project is at 11:00 am on Monday meaning I won’t be able to come for the 10:00 am beginners class.”

“That’s fine. I’ll let Max know he has a cover for Monday.”

You waited in silence hoping Jooheon got the idea why it was bad news.

“Oh shit…” Took him long enough.

“Yh… hence why I said bad news.”

“We don’t have anyone else free during that period too. You know about that.”

“I was going to see if we could rearrange the time but turns out the client wants the whole day off with us. No clue why.”

“I’ll talk with Max, you don’t worry. If you can contact Jinyoung prior to the lesson too that would be great.”

“I’ll try my best to squeeze in some time. We are busy as you could imagine.”

“You guys get back to work. I’ll solve the problem. You don’t need to worry. If that’s all I need to get back to my own work too. Talk to you later Y/N!”

“Thank you so much Jooheon!”

You hung up.

“Sorted?”

You nodded at Beck.

The afternoon continued calmly, and you guys discussed the eco-hotel presentation that’ll take place. The pizza arrived and you guys tucked into your food. Your anxiety was growing as the minutes went by. How was Monday going to turn out?

…

Sunday Evening

You guys were actually ready. You both were shocked after rehearsing the presentation for the 10th time how well produced all the work was.

“I wouldn’t have even thought that I’d be getting a night’s sleep before this meeting.”

“I think sleep was the big motivator. You know how I can last on a hand full amount of sleep.”

“That’s true. You’re useless when it comes to working during the night.”

“Wooow, rude much.”

“I’m kidding. You performed really well. You reminded me why I partnered with you to start up a company.” You smiled at this compliment.

“You gonna stay over tonight as well or crash at home?”

“Could I stay over so we can just go to the meeting together tomorrow?”

“Yeah sure, this is like your second home after all. I feel like you’d also want to take advantage of my signature breakfast.”

“Was I that obvious?” Beck laughed at his failed attempt.

“I can read you like a book. You don’t need to hide your intentions.”

“Damn it.”

“I’ll prepare the long awaited breakfast tomorrow morning. Be up for 9:00 am. Set an alarm if you have to. I’ll tuck into breakfast with or without you.” You headed over to your bedroom and waved Jooheon goodnight.

“Goodnight! Sleep tight, don’t let the cantilevers bite.”

You went back to react to his really dead architecture joke.

“Get in the bin.” With Beck laughing at this really bad joke, you went back into your room and headed off to bed.

…

Monday morning

“Beck get your ass up its 9!” Typical, he hadn’t moved a single inch for the past minute that his alarm has been going off for.

“Y/N 5 more minutes.”

“5 more minutes and you’ll get no breakfast.”

“Breakfast…BREAKFAST!” Beck jumped out of the bed and flung himself grabbing some clothing on the way straight to do bathroom.

“This guy” You laughed at his reaction.

You left him to get ready and went back to the balcony and poured both of you some rich black tea. You settled in your usual seat and started filling your plate with all the different delicacies you laid on the table earlier on.

“You’ve done it again! I love these Mediterranean breakfasts you make. I need to come here more often.”

“Be my guest. It’s sometimes lonely enjoying a feast alone.”

“I could imagine. Although, that should have changed no?” What was he on about?

“Once you’re gone I’ll be back to having lonely breakfasts.”

“No, I mean you and your new boyfriend. When were you planning on telling me? You’ve been silent all weekend about it- “

“Boyfriend?? In who’s world did you hear that I have a boyfriend?” You used all your strength to not spit out the tea you had just sipped.

“The singer-actor guy? What was his name again? You were making headlines with him all weekend have you not checked your phone at all?”

You leaped back inside and grabbed your phone. No messages. No calls. What? Was this some kind of joke?

“Beck I haven’t got a single notification. Are you taking the piss?”

He grabbed your phone from you and enabled your WIFI. He knew you would switch it off whenever you had important things to do like this weekend. As soon as your phone connected to your router, all sorts of things flooded your phone screen. You took it back off him and read all the headlines.

Love strikes under the full moon

Waves were not the only things crashing that night

GOT7’s Jinyoung and his secret lover

Who could she be?

Secret Girlfriend and Aspiring Actor kicking it off on the Beach

“You’ve got to be kidding me?! Right before an important meeting as well. The company’s image. My image. My parents. How in the hell did this all happen?”

“Y/N sit down. It’s kinda late. You’ll just have to explain everything to whoever asks. Don’t worry about the company’s image, we all know how hardworking and talented you are.”

“Give me a sec. I need to make a call.” Jinyoung must have seen all the news too. You gave him a ring but no answer. He might be thinking that he’ll speak at one point during the leisure centre and you hadn’t found the time to let him know you won’t be in.

“Y/N calm down. Focus on the meeting please. You can sort out whatever this is afterwards.” You sat back down and tried to calm yourself down. Beck was right. You guys had an important meeting to focus on.

“Sorry.”

“Y/N shut up. I don’t want to hear it. Eat up, we have a long day ahead of ourselves.”

You tried to eat something, but it just wouldn’t work. Every mouthful felt like labour. You guys cleared up the table and went to prep for the meeting. You brushed your teeth and took a quick shower. You knew you were ready for this meeting, now it was just time to act on what you knew. You took out a pair of cream shorts alongside a white oversized tank top and a brown belt. You grabbed your nude heals and the gold accessories off your drawers to put on as you left. You had your hair wavey from your twisted bun that you always slept with in and a little mascara, the usual. Beck had loaded your car with all the sheets to pin up for the meeting alongside all the small scale models you had at your house.

You locked your house and ran to your car. Beck was ready in the passenger’s seat running over the minor things on his iPad.

“Have you rung the company to check the room is prepared, refreshments all that jazz.”

“Erm… yeah but there’s apparently loads of paparazzi that security is trying to hold off.” Your head shot towards Beck. As if that was needed.

“Guess we are entering through the back entrance. Call the client at let him know to do the same.”

“On it.” Thank god for Beck.

…

20 minutes later

You were driving past the usual entrance of the company and saw the tons of people that the security was blocking off. In a million years you wouldn’t have thought you’d have paparazzi at your company door.

“Can today get any worse?” You questioned out loud.

“Don’t say that. Just get in through the back, it’ll be over soon.”

Your receptionist let you through the back entrance and you guys moved to the meeting room that was prepped for the meeting.

“The room looks great. Just like how we agreed on.” You smiled at your receptionist.

“The presentation team did a great job. I’ll treat them for a meal.” Beck offered. You agreed with his statement.

“Mr Chan should be here in 30 minutes. Let’s pin up the sheets and bring all the models to this room.” You both left your belongings in the room and went down to the fabrication labs down stairs. To head to fabrication, you guys had to walk past the front entrance. You peaked to see if the people had gone but no. It had gotten worse. There were more people we even bigger cameras. How on earth?

JINYOUNG’S POV

You were right on time for your lesson. You and the kids were waiting at the pool side for Y/N. You kind of felt giddy after what happened on Friday. What stage would you call you and Y/N now? You checked the clock and saw that she was 5 minutes late. This didn’t seem like Y/N, she’s always early. Or has been for the past 2 lessons anyways.

“Woojin, is Miss ever late?” Woojin shook his head no.

Jaehyun heard from his dock and decided to let you know about the news.

“Jinyoung hyung, Y/N has a really important meeting today. She called in to say she won’t be making it for this lesson meaning Max will be taking over for today.”

Max… is taking over? This isn’t going to go well.

“Thanks, Jaehyun.” Jaehyun saluted which is his way of saying ‘no problem’.

You were thinking why Y/N wouldn’t have told you until you realised… the missed call this morning. She tried to get in contact with you, but you weren’t available. Damn it.

“Jaehyun, do you know where Y/N’s company building is at?”

“Yh, it’s the one and only big fancy glass building in the town centre.” She works there? She’s very humble for a CEO.

“Right, I’ll be absent for today. You can let Max know when he does the register. Also, what time is the meeting?”

“It starts at 11:00 am, why did you ask?”

“I’m going to attend.”

Jaehyun started cackling, “Do you think you can just walk into a client meeting? You must be mad. Jinyoung hyung it’s a serious meeting, you can’t just barge in.”

“Fine, I’m going to wait for there then.”

“No can do.” Max was behind you ask he listened to the conversation. You turned around to face Max.

“I can leave if I want.”

“Kids, do we want Jinyoung to leave this lesson? We all want him to stay don’t we?” You couldn’t believe he was going to use the kids as bait for you to stay.

“Yes, Jinyoung oppa please stay!”

“Jinyoung hyung, don’t go!”

The kids started whining, hoping you would stay for the lesson. He used his weapons well; you couldn’t break the kids’ hearts especially when you knew how much Y/N cares for the kids. You were gonna stay for her sake.

You knelt down to the kids and gave them a smile, “Fine, I’ll stay.”

You gave a glance to Max and hopefully you both sided with getting through this lesson without any disruptions. And so, the lesson commenced.

“We will be doing a test today.”

“A test?”, Hyungwon gulped, “But Miss didn’t mention a test last week?”

“Well Hyungwon, this is a surprise test. I’ll be marking everyone on how well they perform on the things Miss taught in the past 2 weeks.” This guy is doing this on purpose.

“How will you be marking us?” You spoke up.

“3 columns. Speed. Technique. A race. The place you come in the race will determine how many points you get for the ‘race’ column.”

“I’m gonna beat you all.” Woojin was already hyped to get the highest score. You would have probably been as excited as Woojin if the teacher was different.

“Right, we will be starting with Technique. I’ll be going off the register order so line up in that order and I’ll be testing your technique swimming front stroke.” You lined up along with the kids. You were obviously last.

Max got to you. You had a feeling he was gonna try and do everything to give you a bad mark. You remembered all the things Y/N had taught you and starting swimming to the area Max marked. You hated that this man was good at something you weren’t. Knowing he was ahead in something gave him more say and material on you.

“I feel sad for Y/N,” You waited for him to continue to see what he meant, “For having such a crap student.” He jotted down a fat 0 next to your name under the technique column. Jaehyun heard from his dock the comment Max had made and made eye contact with you. He was pleading for you to not react to Max’s words since that was exactly what he wanted to do. You clenched your fists and took a deep breath. You weren’t gonna lose this easily.

“I feel sad for Y/N too. Different reason though.” You gave Max a dirty look so he got the idea that you were referring to him in some way.

“Max hyung, are we moving onto speed now?” Woojin separated both of your focusses onto him.

“Yes Woojin-ah, get ready I’ll be timing you guys. You all have to swim in whichever style you want from one end to another.”

“Get to the side.” Max turned his face back to you and spoke in a demanding tone. He was really grinding your gears. This was going to be a long hour.

Y/N’S POV

“Good morning Mr Chan. I hope your flight yesterday was well.” You shook Mr Chan’s hand as he took his seat in the meeting room.

“Good Morning Miss Y/L/N and Mr Longing. I arrived without any problems. I got some rest too. All in all, I’m ready for today’s meeting.”

“Agreed, Mr Chan. I’ll begin with the site analysis and our response with our design.” You and Beck agreed for Beck to start the meeting and then you to end it.

“So, as you may have heard one of the plots of land were taken out of our hands. There was some complications with the landowners, but we decided that one plot of land was enough to fulfil the criteria of an eco-hotel.” With that Beck continued with explaining the new updates on the hotel design after the land issue.

“Mr Chan, the maquettes and models are laid out in the order of development. This is how the overall design developed into the final result. The 3D printed large model at the end is the final version of the hotel in a simple representation of the surrounding area around it.” You moved towards the model and showed Mr Chan where the sun would be travelling throughout the day. You brought along all the hand drawings from the past couple days too to show what each individual room would look like from all angles.

“These look amazing. I’m really thankful for the models and the drawings, they give a really good idea of what the final outcome will look like.” You and Beck looked at each other and gave a smile. All the hard work you both had put on for the past couple days had come through.

“Although, I wanted to ask one thing.” You diverted your attention to Mr Chan.

“Yes, Mr Chan go ahead.” You were nervous from his sudden question. You were sure you and Beck hadn’t missed out on any information.

“It hasn’t got to do with the project.”

“What exactly are you referring to Mr Chan?”

“You, Miss Y/L/N.” You looked up at Beck. What could Mr Chan want to know about you?

“Go ahead, Mr Chan. I’m listening.” If you were honest, you weren’t feeling well. You started breathing heavier than usual scared of what Mr Chan was going to ask.

“The paparazzi’s at the front door. Why are they here?” Fuck. This should have been something you should have thought about earlier on. You looked at Beck for help. You had no answer to give.

“That wasn’t Miss Y/L/N, Mr Chan. There has been a misunderstanding. The news reports are still speculating who the person is and Miss Y/L/N has just been mistaken for the girl that the actor was with. As you may have seen the photographs were taken at night, so it is hard to tell who it is, as expected.” Beck covered up for you.

“I see… and Miss Y/L/N what do you plan on doing about the news.”

“I’m aiming to get in contact with the actor’s agency to speak up and deny allegations about my involvement since that is the truth. I’ll also be holding a conference soon to news outlets about the situation. I don’t want anything like this to throw dirt under our company’s name.”

“I thought it was you Miss,” Is he being serious?, “I was going to congratulate you on your new relationship. That was the reason for the flowers. You’re also human. I thought you were taking a step forward in your person life. I know about how popular you are among fellow architects, for your work and for you too.” Me? Popular among architects? Step forward in my person life? Can life stop throwing new surprises nowadays, you were happy with your boring life.

“Mr Chan.” Beck addressed your client.

“We thought you would be disappointed about the truth. If that is the case I’d like to firstly apologise for what I just said. I didn’t mean to lie Mr Chan, but we didn’t want anything to cause you to- “

“It’s fine Mr Longing. Congratulations Miss Y/L/N. It’s really nice to see the new generation finding love. I’m sure you have found the right person for you.”

“Mr Chan, I appreciate your comments although it’s a little more complicated than that. We are not exactly dating or haven’t exactly clarified it between ourselves.” You struggled to keep eye contact with your client at this rate. Beck eyed you knowing you could have just suggested that you had a fling days before an important meeting.

“I’m sure you guys will even end up getting married one day. I sensed it when I saw your photos side by side.” You just smiled at Mr Chan’s observations.

“I hope whatever is best for the both of us is what happens.” Mr Chan agreed and focussed back on the project.

“Was there anything else you’d like to ask Mr Chan?” Beck wanted to make sure Mr Chan was completely clear of the new changes in order to process the build.

“Can I decide on which trees and floors to have planted in the hotel? I know the botanic designers tend to do so.”

“Of course, Mr Chan. As long as the greenery you choose passes the climate test meaning they’ll stay alive in Jinhae’s weather conditions, you can choose which ones we decorate the hotel with.”

“Great, that marks the end of the meeting. You guys have done an outstanding job. Better than what I expected. What’s the estimated date of completion?”

“If everything goes well, the hotel should be completely finished and ready for service for the month of March 2022.”

Mr Chan clapped in happiness. You were happy to have made your extremely important client over the moon.

“I’d like to take you guys out for dinner. I hope you guys made sure the rest of your days are free-“

You were getting a call from Jooheon. You never get calls from Jooheon during meetings, he knows not to disturb unless it’s an emergency.

“Mr Chan, could I please take this call?”

“Sure, go ahead. Me and Mr Longing will decide on where to eat.” You smiled and left the meeting room and picked up the call.

“Jooheon, what is it?”

“Y/N.. I-“

“Jooheon please tell me. Did something happen?”

“Jinyoung…He’s in the- “

“The what Jooheon can you just say it already?”

“The hospital.”

“HOSPITAL?!?”

---

Oooooo… the suspense. I haven’t tried these sorts of endings before, so I wanted to give it a shot. I want to leave it up to you guys for now to imagine what may have happened. Until the next episode, see you! Next episode will be extraordinary, you can count on me.

writer-nim x

[404-potato]

I’m going to share something because I really need to get this off my chest. Please feel free to ignore this - 

... I never really talked about it with anyone because I don’t think I really had it in me to fully acknowledge it even. “Embarrassed” is the best way to describe why quite honestly... as much as I hate to admit it

This... is how I ended up hating a series I loved. And the ship/fandom still makes me cringe because of a weirdly “traumatizing” (? maybe? not sure - i hate using that word/throwing it around;;;) incidents that wasn’t really even about the fandom directly at all?  

tw: relationship mess? 

So before IronStrange, how I used to deal with liking series was through cosplaying. There was a good base for it where I lived and good chunk of my friends cosplay too or at least familiar with the community.

I got into this particular series (that I won’t name here) because a friend (who I eventually got involved in a relationship with) was REALLY into it. It was great at first. I loved the series, it was fun, we cosplayed a pair she shipped hard at the time and at some point I liked it too (I think she’s still a bit obsessed with that pairing actually). 

Basically... she got obsessive. 

It started with the little things like... very...uh... predictable... she didn’t want me to cosplay with other people. She didn’t want me to cosplay with anyone else for this particular pairing. Wanted me to prioritize her during cons... sort of made it impossible for me to be flexible to make plans with any other people. When confronted eventually (the “hey so you know I only have so much time I can give to this hobby- if I make all these plans with you I don’t have time for other friends. We can still do things together but I want to spend time with other people too”)... she made it seem like she would give me space but when time came it was always “I’m not saying you can’t go hang out with your friends but you promised this.” “I asked you first.” ... which by promise btw was her mentioning it some months ago by passing. There were other little things here and there in the con/cos world like if any other friend wanted to put together a cosplay group and asked me she got upset I didn’t ask her to join? Her reasoning was that “well I always ask you so why don’t you.” which seemed like demanding I feel the same way about her as she did for me. ... I know... sounds terrible of me & maybe I should be more sympathetic but... you can’t... demand someone to return how you feel about them or get upset when they don’t? (by the way this was way before we dated even - she also repeated denied she had any sort of feelings for me)

And I honestly didn’t recognize it at first or thought it wasn’t a big deal. I had lot of incident in the past where friends, people I dated, etc. made some... perhaps unjustified demands and I did my best to accommodate if I was willing or situation allowed it. I truly, maybe arrogantly, believed I could fully take care of myself because i always had been that one person who could take care of themselves. ... and there was no possible way anyone could ever “take advantage of me” so to say? in any way. 

Then eventually we started dating. It was casual, lets see where it goes at first. ...then at some point we were in a relationship? ... quite frankly I don’t even remember how fully that came about. (I was not exactly in the best mental state that year due multiple disasters that was going on in my personal life - terrible timing because i let a lot of “red flags” go since I was so tired to fight). 

She wanted me to stop talking to certain friends. One was a friend who we went on couple dates (and it didn’t work out, & by then this friend was dating someone else). But she still didn’t want me be friends with this person. 

...And for those who think you shouldn’t be friends with your exes or not talk to them at all for some reason? F u. Yes it is fully possible to be friends with your ex if you both are at a good place etc. Esp if these people were not even exes per se it was like people you went on a date or two with that you both realized after “hey yea we’re friends not anything more”. 

Little by little I was talking to less and less people, interacted with less and less friends. I stopped cosplaying completely just so I didn’t have to deal with her getting upset at me. I didn’t have the energy. It felt like if I go anywhere I had to invite her. If I made any plans I should invite her. After a while I was so miserable to the point we had huge fights. I literally left the apartment to get away because she wasn’t listening to anything I was saying and all her rebuttal to everything was along the lines of “It’s because i like you so much” etc. 

Yea this whole “being loved” thing to the point they want to spend so much time with you at all times may sound sweet in theory ...but for someone who is an only child (with no distant relatives in the same country), who is used to be left alone to live my life with very minimal supervision since 5 years old, needs a lot of time to myself naturally... it’s a nightmare. But if I said I wanted to be alone or need time to myself suggest I’ll go to my parent’s (not my first choice but ya know... at this point i figured she’ll flip if I said any friend’s)... she’ll try to angrily (very recklessly) drive off saying she’ll sleep at her work parking lot?? or I came back after one of these fights and she had all these scratches because apparently she tried to take a bath with wine and she fell?? ... I feel like I couldn’t even leave. ...typing this now, it’s kinda occurring to me I felt very stuck. She says I can go, I can do things, but... i mean... I can’t?? because then she’ll go off and do something like this. That time she was physically hurt, I know I should feel bad but I honestly couldn’t feel bad. I felt suffocated. I was angry. I felt like she was doing this as some sort of attention seeking... thing. 

Oh and lets not forget comments here and there about how I should let her know what i’m doing all the time, all the change of plans. Example: barely one month after I started at a new job, it was the holiday party. I did let her know I’ll be trying to come home early but please eat without me/don’t wait up. Well as I was trying to leave, I got caught in conversation by my VP and then my CEO... i couldn’t just up and leave at that point?? And I couldn’t answer the 30+ calls I got from her. ...She was pissed. Saying how they waited for me to eat, how I said I’ll be home early, etc. I tried to explain what happened. It’s a holiday party, its loud. I can’t keep looking at my phone when i’m talking to my CEO. I did say i’ll try but shit happens and I can’t update her all the time 24/7...She said she got it but next day would still throw these passive aggressive remarks. Couple of her friends came to visit from out of town, we were supposed to spend the day together with them. I was obviously tired because of the holiday party still and I muttered like “damn i’m tired” by passing... her automatic reaction was “well you shouldn’t have stayed out then.” because in her words, during the argument that followed, we made plans to spend time with her friends so I should have prioritized it at all cost even over the job that I need. Nothing said I couldn’t just leave and come home early, I didn’t have to go in the first place. ...oh idk there is something called work politics??? esp when you are a minority girl working at 80~90%+ white male company. 

Then it all boiled up to a particular bad fight where I said I need her to compromise because I’m ready to lose it... I explained so many things from above that was genuinely becoming so unhealthy for me...  How she said she’ll be better in the past but she continued on, etc. 

...lol... and the first thing she says to that is how she still doesn’t want me to cosplay with other people. I literally had a moment of that’s what’s so important to you??? SERIOUSLY? fuck this i’m not cosplaying ever again. period. Because at that point... because of the whole incident... or many incidents, I had such negative feeling towards the hobby I didn’t want to do it anyways... let alone this pairing she really liked... or the series etc.  god there was... so many more... like the time we went to a bar to have fun, she over drank even when I told her multiple times hey maybe you should slow down... She basically did the whole “drinking excess as an excuse to say what she wants after” “i’m drunk so I’m saying this” thing. So in a very public place, the bar was crowded, there were people all around us, she yelled VERY loudly about how I didn’t seem to want to have sex with her anymore. When I asked her to keep quiet, please can we talk about this elsewhere... she KEPT GOING- LOUDLY YELLING. Hysterically crying. Honestly... considering everything going on... yea I didn’t want to. At some point it did occur to me I didn’t want to have sex at all (and that was whole another level of problem considering I’ve always been very sexual person...) I mean I would have been totally willing to have a serious conversation about this but NOT AT A PUBLIC PLACE WITH STRANGERS ALL AROUND??? I was mortified. (this is also why I stopped going to nice bars... i used to enjoy them. After my early 20s, I didn’t drink to get drunk but I loved visiting creative bars and having a nice drink or two... well... not anymore lol)  Again, these are not even 50% of all that happened with this person. .... honestly this relationship caused me so much issues personally I haven’t even begin to solve. It’s actually to the point I’m considering therapy. 

But yea... sure it may not be the biggest of things but sometimes I’m very resentful I can’t enjoy the series I used to enjoy because I just automatically have VERY negative emotions about it. Same thing with cosplay, a hobby I used to be very happily involved in to relieve stress. I now have this almost... fight or flight feeling when they are mentioned, i freeze... it sometimes feels like something is pressing down on your lungs making it impossible to breath.  

...And this is also why... I started tumblr and ended up seeking company of online people who doesn’t really know me because... yea now I’m avoiding my friends at this point or mutuals with this person since... well, everyone thinks she’s a very nice person, very good for me... because on surface level, yea she does really seem like she likes me, gets me all these nice gifts etc. They still comment from time to time about how I should be doing better. Treat her better. Because if someone screws up in a relationship, given my history and personality, its probably my doing. ...Okay. any normal situation, yea I would say that’s probably true but this? this was not... yea.

[lazarustrashpit]

Hey if you want to be an artist, I want to be artist but on the side since I am worried about the financial situation and I have to get a career and stay in school that’s what my parents say do you think I can become an artist still or? Or how do you manage? I’m not sure o becoming an artist since I’m not that good at digital, colors but I would like to be but in a more financially stable future.

Hi anon,

They don’t call us starving artists for no reason.

I’m not sure I’m the best person suited to answer this, as this is something I personally struggle with in becoming a full-time illustrator. However, I’m going to give you as honest of an answer as I can based on my own experiences. Please note, that I do not speak on the behalf of other artists. 

I’ve been a graphic designer for over 10 years, and an art director for a production company for half of that. What you see me doing on social media is something out of pure hobby. Fan art doesn’t pay my bills.

Short answer: Yes, it’s possible to become a full time artist and be financially stable. Is it easy? DEFINITELY NOT. Like with literally anything, it takes a lot of work and dedication to be successful. I’ve had the pleasure of conversing and working with several different types of artists. We’ve all struggled and continue to struggle, but the pay off is incredibly rewarding, if you can get your foot in the right door... but you gotta find the right door to begin with. What kind of artist are you interested in becoming? 

Artist is a vary vague term. There’s so many different career paths for each specialty. Comics: Pencilers, inkers, colorists, letterers; Concept artists: props, vehicles, costumes, backgrounds, fauna, aliens, buildings; Animation: 3d modeling, flash animation, compositing, rigging, storyboards, 2d hand drawn animation, 3d computer animation, stop motion animation. There’s a lot of positions out there. Saying you want to be an artist is like saying I want to be a doctor. Okay, but what type? Podiatrist? Veterinarian? Neurologist? Pediatrician? Psychiatrist?

Long scary answer below the cut.

Disclaimer: I’m not speaking on behalf of other artists, just my own opinion from my own experiences. Also, I am in no way trying to discourage you because a lot of what is written below is negative. The last thing I’d want is to deprive the world of another artist, but I also don’t want to provide some sort of false hope.

Being a full time artist is not easy. It’s extremely competitive regardless of what industry you want to dive into. It’s a lot of work and sleepless nights overcoming deadlines, your own self-esteem, and the biggest hurdle of all, finances.

Choosing any career is a big deal. As stated above, you have to do your research to really understand what you’re going to get yourself into. What’s the job market like for where you currently live? If there are not enough opportunities, are you willing to move for work? Yes, a lot of jobs can be done remotely, but if we’re talking about being financially stable, your best bet is to get yourself in with a studio full-time or on a long contract project. Freelance artistry is difficult—you set and negotiate your own rates for projects, and you’re responsible for marketing yourself to keep getting jobs, not to mention you are more susceptible to getting scammed and taken advantage of. And with social media being a driving force for a lot of marketing, you’re constantly fighting with the algorithm to get your work seen. Not to mention, there’s a lot of pressure because you get paid per project and if you can’t land a project, then you’re not getting paid. Whereas if you can work for a studio, the work is brought to you on a consistent basis, provided you can keep up with the demands and perform to the task at hand. A lot of the work may be repetitive and time sensitive, but it will be steady. Working for a studio/business gets you benefits like retirement options, health benefits, vacation/sick pay, tuition reimbursement, etc. 

There’s also the other side of being a freelance artist that no one ever really talks about. Everyone thinks that we spend every day just pumping out art, which is somewhat true, but we don’t often talk about the missing the endless emails with clients, the constant marketing, searching on artstation, fiverr, etc for gigs, querying literary agents, changing your portfolio(this is another thing I can talk about for days so hit me up in DMS if you want to discuss) constantly to reflect your very best work, keeping up on all your social media platforms to engage your audience, honestly, finding an audience in general is another conversation, dealing with carpel tunnel and other muscle related injuries... it goes on and on.

I moved 3000 miles across the United States from my hometown to California for better work opportunities. Are you prepared to work another job(s) to make ends meet? I worked in retail and a handful of odd jobs for several years before I fell into an actual full-time art job. 

Ultimately, it really depends on how passionate you are about this, and how much you’re willing to struggle to get to do what you want. For me, I fall into a very depressive state if I can’t flex my creative muscles for even one day. I worked as an event coordinator for several years, and was never worried about money. However, despite being financially well-off, I was so incredibly miserable every single day because I just didn’t have the energy to draw when I got home. It was nearly impossible for me to get out of bed every morning. Then, I landed a job as a graphic designer, I made less, but I was so much happier, but it still wasn’t enough. I would work a full day and still come home and draw something after having dinner, even though I had already spent 8 hours being creative beforehand. It’s literally something I just need to do to be happy. It helps me relax and de-stress. So, what I’m saying is, if you’re not passionate about it, don’t make it your main focus. Why open a restaurant if you’re not ready to wake up at 3 am to bake bread or go to the fish market for fresh ingredients? 

In the end, I’d rather be dirt poor and drawing, than be wealthy and miserable. But that’s not for everyone. It really, really, really, just depends on who you are.

A lot of artists have day jobs and do art on the side for supplemental income. If you have the drive to keep that up, because it will be taxing on your physical and mental health (please take proper breaks), then please pursue it. I would NEVER want to discourage anyone from pursuing art as a career or hobby. I just want to be real about the struggle. The beautiful thing about art is that it’s never too late to fall into. It just takes time and dedication to the craft. I’ve spoken with dozens of animators that didn’t fall into it until they were in their 30s and now work full-time for Disney. Anything is possible if you have the talent and the drive for improvement. 

Again, I’m not speaking on any other artists’ behalf. I’m sure we all have differing opinions and experiences on the topic. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk about this further. As you can see, I can ramble about this for days, so I’m just gonna shut up now lol

[desperationandgin]

Deep as the Road is Long (Part III, Chapter 24)

Rating: General Audiences

Also Read On: AO3

Previous Chapter

A/N: FOUR CHAPTERS LEFT!! And the final mood board made by @smashing-teacups :D I wanted to mention up here that this entire plot was done and written ago weeks and weeks before I even started posting this story. Where the story is going and how it wraps up was always the plan, and it’s funny to see all of the comments asking for exactly what happens, lol. I hope that doesn’t mean anyone will stop reading with such a short journey left! As always, I appreciate every single comment ❤ Yes, there is a time jump of a couple of months!

October 2017

Wedding planning, Claire had assumed, was exhausting work. There was figuring out what documents were needed, getting together notice forms and statutory fees, wedding dress shopping with Jenny, finding a caterer, selecting guests and color themes. At least the venue, (the grounds of Lallybroch) was easy and free. Having a beautiful old home as a backdrop on sprawling acreage couldn’t have been better, and she has a feeling they’d saved thousands with one easy decision. Still, all the planning for a November wedding was why, she thought, she was exhausted and stressed from the very end of August all through September.

Two days ago she’d woken up, gone about her daily routine, then vomited in the sink; everything happening too quickly for her to make it to the bathroom. When she was queasy again in the early afternoon, then ravenous all evening, she thought maybe it’d been a light stomach bug.

Then, she repeated it the next day.

That, coupled with intense fatigue and the slow realization she’d skipped her period in September (and was already three days late in October) has her sitting in the bathroom now, holding a digital pregnancy test, reading and re-reading one single word: Pregnant.

How it’s possible, she doesn’t know. She’d taken the test just to quiet a voice in the back of her mind as a doctor unwilling to let coincidences slip by. She remembers the day she’d been told she couldn’t have children, the damage from the accident she’d been in with her parents, being crushed --pinned at her abdomen-- left behind too much that couldn’t be fixed--or so she’d been told. Because she doesn’t know for sure if this is viable, she decides to wait to tell Jamie; it’s too early, and if he has anything to fear or worry about she can’t do that to him right now without any concrete answers for him. Dinner is quiet, her mind elsewhere, and she’s thankful his response to it is not asking questions, just holding her close that night and murmuring a soft, Gaelic prayer across her forehead.

After pleading with a local office’s staff, she manages to see a doctor two mornings later. Clad in nothing but a flimsy pink paper gown, she’s quiet as the sound of her own heartbeat fills the room, steady and strong. With only a slight adjustment, the rapid pulse of her child (no bigger than the size of a single sweet pea) fills the room, a muffled garble of thumping.

Eight weeks pregnant. She’s approximately two months, and when she does the math in her head it’s so obvious that she’s shaken. The baby’s in the right place, not growing along a fallopian tube or anything equally dangerous. Everything is normal and she has the prescription for prenatal vitamins to prove it.

She calls in the rest of the day at work and nearly goes to the bookstore but decides to simply head home, sending Jamie a quick text that she isn’t feeling well and he doesn’t need to worry about walking her home. Laying down in their bed, she rests her hands atop her still flat stomach and closes her eyes, trying to imagine that belly swelling, having a soft roundness to it and giving life when she never thought she would. She knows with Jamie, if they’d ever decided to have a child they would have, but she never thought it would be a situation outside of adoption or surrogacy. It makes her cry, tears of joy (and some fear) that she gets out of her system by the time Jamie’s home. Meeting him at the door with a soft kiss, she takes a brown paper bag from him and peeks in.

“Chicken and dumplin’s. From the place ye like that ye say has perfect comfort foods. Something easy on yer stomach,” he explains, watching as she moves to the kitchen to put their dinner down. “How do ye feel?”

Claire pretends to be busy for a moment getting bowls and spoons and napkins, but finally, she answers him. “I’m all right. Ready to eat,” she manages to say with a soft smile. “I’m not sick. I went to the doctor today.”

“Aye?” he asks with a small frown, though there’s relief in his eyes as well. “A person does no’ throw their guts up multiple times a day for no reason.”

“They do if they’re pregnant.”

She hadn’t meant for it to come out quite like that, and she looks up, locking eyes with him. Her on one side of their kitchen, him on the other, a countertop between them.

“...What, Sassenach?”

It feels so quiet a pin could drop and sound like an explosion. “Jamie, I’m pregnant,” she says softly, moving around to him and reaching for his hands. “About eight weeks, the doctor said. I wanted to be sure I really was and that everything was alright before I said anything.”

“Pregnant.” With one hand in hers, the other runs over his face before sitting in a chair. “I thought ye couldna--”

“So did I. But I was so young when the accident happened, my body’s had a long time to repair itself in ways I don’t think anyone expected possible. At least back then, when it happened.” Sitting across from him, Claire squeezes his hand between both of hers. “I’m having a baby, Jamie.”

There are a lot of reactions she expects; fear and anxiety are at the top of her list. He lost his wife in childbirth, after all, after being reassured that she was fine. What she doesn’t expect is the way he pulls her close and clings to her, one hand tangled in her hair and the other pressing to her back.

“I canna lose ye.”

“I know, Jamie,” she whispers. “I know. I wish I could promise, but I won’t. It isn’t fair to you. But I will tell you I’ll do everything I can to make sure I’m healthy, that our baby is healthy.” Her lips press to his temple as she feels his hand snake around to rest against her belly. “I listened to a heartbeat today. It sounds like a washing machine,” she says with a soft smile.

“So, the bairn is strong? And you’re healthy?”

“Everything right now is very normal, Jamie. The fatigue and morning sickness, and I’m sure any pending tenderness. All normal,” she tries to assure him.

Jamie stares at her stomach for a good long while before speaking again. “How long have ye kent it?”

She shakes her head to make sure he knows it hasn’t been long before the words even leave her mouth. “Only since the day before yesterday. I took a test but I didn’t think it could possibly be correct. I waited to tell you in case it wasn’t, or in case it was something else.” Something else causing a false positive. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Jamie,” she urges, mentally noting that she might suggest he bump his therapy back up from once a week to twice. At least for a little while.

Wetting his lips, he clears his throat and inhales deeply before letting it out slowly. “I canna lose anyone else,” he finally tells her. “To go through it again, I’m no’ strong enough. If I Iost ye at any point, or the bairn, I…”

This is is what she knew would be the biggest mental roadblock keeping him from being happy. She doesn’t blame him; to know how horrifically and quickly Annalise died scares her a bit, too. But still, she knows odds and her lips press to his forehead firmly for a moment before pulling back. “If there is ever, ever any sign of distress for me or the baby, we’ll go straight to the hospital, I promise. I might have one advantage Jamie, and it’s that I’m a doctor. I’ll know right away if something isn’t right.” At least she hopes she will. Whether or not that’s true doesn’t matter to her so much as soothing him right now.

Nodding, Jamie pulls back so that he can see her face fully. “I want to be excited, I do.”

Shaking her head, Claire relocates herself from her own chair to his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I know you’re afraid. I understand why, I promise. You don’t need to be any sort of way, I just need you here with me. Supporting me.”

“I’m no’ going anywhere,” he says vehemently, wrapping her up and pressing his lips to her shoulder. “The next appointment, I can go wi’ ye?”

“Of course. Every visit from now on. I know it was a risk, keeping the appointment from you today, and I would have told you if something was wrong, I just--you’ve been through so much Jamie, we both have. I wanted to have as much information as I could before saying anything.”

His lips press to her forehead this time. “No, no, it’s alright, Sassenach,” he assures her, resting his head against hers now. “I understand.” She was trying to protect his heart the best she could, and for that alone, he’s grateful for the different ways she loves him. “When’s the next visit, then?”

“Next month. Just after the wedding,” she murmurs. “Wait, hold on,” she remembers, getting up and going to the counter, picking up an envelope before settling herself on his lap again. Pulling out the ultrasound photos, she points out their baby. “Usually they don’t even do ultrasounds for this stage, but I insisted.”

Jamie squints a little as he tries to make out the photo but he sees the small little dot that is apparently life in Claire’s belly. “Ye ken what this is?” he breathes out, trying to focus on what he knows to be true, not what he’s afraid could happen.

“Hmm?” Her fingers lazily move through his hair, gliding easily through the curls.

“Proof, Sassenach. Living proof that through all of the pain and hurt, we made our way back to one another. We’ve loved one another.”

Blinking quickly, trying to push back tears (could she blame her sudden emotions on hormones yet?) Claire presses her lips to his temple. “We can still make something good, and put that into the world,” she murmurs, covering his hand which has found its new home against her stomach.

“Aye, we can,” Jamie agrees, letting out a soft breath that makes her hair bounce lightly against her cheek.

“We can, and we will.”

Next Chapter

[thisuserhasoriginalideas]

(Still nameless project) Character and Species master post

Soo how some might have noticed I am working on an original Idea for a comic and this will be my Character master post which I will add to whenever I got a new addition for the cast.

The premise of the story basically some aliens going on an adventure to find earth and join a supposed interplanetary peaceful conglomeration because they caught a transmission of an old cheesy and corny scifi series (ala star trek or well early Perry Rhodan when you actually know that novel series you get a free smooch from me)

The Lophorel and the Narlaha

Those are the first Species to be introduced and well the ones where the original three crew members will start off .

For demonstration purposes I include a pic of the parents of the first three bc I still need to make a general species guide for them lol

(From left to right: Shejeren, Noroph'a, Uruphija'l, Charalah I will give some short specific info about them later lol)

Both species share one planet which is the second in their solar system and has three moons orbiting around it.

The Lophorel are native to surface of the planet and usually have a skin color ranging from very light blues to dark purples. They have gem like growths on their heads which is surrounded by a skin covered bone structure which either is build like an ark or a row of lill spikes. They have pointy ears and their bigger eyes have octagonal pupils which form a cross when constricted. Usually their Iris has the same color as their gem and their Sclera is black, in rare cases there can be mutations of color tho. With their eyes they can perceive a wide array of colors and even some elektro magnetic phenomena in their environment but they are pretty much blind in low light situations. They usually wear longer hair (short hair is seen as obscene in their culture) in different braided styles. While white hair is the most common hair color in their species there are also variants of reddish browns that can occur. They aren't very strong however but do to their legs agile and good at jumping. Height wise they can get from 1,60 m (5' 2'')up to 1,90 m (6' 2'') They are generally hermaphrodites and don't have naval  due to laying eggs. They use the terms Eren (Seedgiver) and Ophat (shellcarrier) to adresse their parents and it occurs that siblings from the same parent pair use diffrent terms for addressing the same parent. They also number their children with the last sibille of their name so for example having 'rel' at the end of a name means that it is the first hatched child YEP I gonne write a language guid later someday lol . While being omnivore they have developed a distaste to eating meat and as a culture live mostly vegetarian.

The Narlaha are used to live mostly under the surface of the planet and are often called Nipht by the Lophorel which is similar to calling someone and earthworm. In turn the Narlaha call the Lophorel Kar'alarf which literally means stone-head. They are significantly smaller than their surface dwelling neighbors and only get around 1,50 m (4' 9''). They have four arms and are significantly physically stronger. Due to their carnivore nature and history of hunting they have sharp claws and teeth and usually a very dark grey skin completion mixed with red markings which makes them blend in with their stone surroundings. Their four eyes are one tones and most of the time their eye colors range from white grayish to red. They may only see the world in reddish and green tones but they have excellent vision in dark areas. The bone structure on their head helps them sensing vibrations from their surroundings. They are more like us humans when it comes to their genders and sexualities soo no big explanation here. But they don't really have their own names instead a family name is given from the chosen parent to the child with either a 'lah'(born female), 'ren'(born male), 'len' (born intersex) at the end depending on the biological sex they are born with. Also they tend to have brown to black hair only sometimes they mutate blond hair. Also there are albinos I'm the Species

In the history of their species they obviously didn't get along very well most of the time so after a view wars the Lophorel sadly established a trend of enslaving the Narlaha bc the Lophorel (having the advantage of not limited airspace) were technology more advanced than the Narlaha, who due to limited space couldn't build respected deferenses against the most of the time vibration based attacks of the Lophorel. While the violent ages of this planet are now gone both their cultures got so accustomed to the practice of slavery that there are barely any objectors on both sides of the coin. Still during the events of the story there some thing about to be changed lol.

And now off to a few words to the named characters above. They are as stated the Parents to the first three crew members of the story. Noroph'a is a rich space miner that makes his living with deploying mining ships to other planets of their solar system. They married the way less fortunate Uruphija'l due to practicality and the wish to produce taller offspring (They are a little insecure about their height). Both of them are rather strict and caught up in outdated social rules. After they conceived their first egg they bought Shejeren and Charalah bc they also were expecting a child and Noroph'a wanted their offspring to grow up with an always present play buddy bc he also grew up with a Narlaha play mate. After Charalah gave birth to a little baby daughter (Shejelah) She and her husband were kept as bodyguards for the two Lophorels while a third Narlaha took care of Shejelah and the now also hatched Ala'phrel.(Charalah and Shejeren already had a older child Chararen who at this point already worked in a diffrent household [Narlaha children get independent pretty quickly]). In general where the two Narlahas pretty happy to have landed in Noroph'a's household because their new daughter now had the privilege to get the basics of a good high tier education together with Noroph'a's offsprings which would mean that she could later find a home as a home preschool teacher which is considered a honorable position for a  Narlaha. Noroph'a  and Uruphija’l had one more child (Nirlaph) and even tho Shejeren and Charalah tried to also conceive again Shejelah stayed the only young Narlaha in the household. 

On to the important peeps

(From left to right Nirlaph, Ala’phrel, Shejelah)

Growing up together the three established a strong bond and even tho it was planed to send Shejelah away as she got old enough to be sold off again Ala’phrel and Nirlaph both protested against their parents wishes and kept Shejelah around. This is partially because when they were younger and first got to have tech based toys the three of them build a simple signal receiver which accidentally lead them to catch an old transmission of a show called "Captain Jacks search through the stars" which depicted a utopian society without racism and slavery. They didn't understand a word of what was said in the show but the depiction of different races (even tho they were suspiciously similar in general looks) working together seemingly without race hierarchy fascinated the three kids to such an extend that they from there on strived to one-day be able to meet Captain Jack and his Crew and join their ranks. They over time established a translation of the alien language and made it their own. Learned all principles which Captain Jack resided as foundation of the peaceful planets conglomeration and started studying all skills need to actually fly a space ship.

Even tho the three kids treated each other as equals the older they got the more Shejelah had to oblige to the house rules, meaning she had to adapt to the servant clothing, had to learn formal speaking rules and wasn't allowed to speak without spoken to in general. While she did conform to those rules to some degree the suppressed aggression against them lead to her having a very strange relationship with human swear words. She really likes to sprinkling them in when she has the opportunity to speak freely. In general she seem to be a rather reserved individual (despite the swearword occasionally slipping out) but that's just as long as she doesn't trusts you. At times she seems to be just a tad sassy which is a way for her to handel her insecurities about her social status and her struggle to actually  come forward with requests  regarding herself, bringing her ideas forward or just simply saying ‘no’ to a request. It is very important to her to be able to choose her own clothing and she often will change her outfits as she sees fit just because being forced to wear a unified and dull outfit for most of her life evoked a desire of outward expression of herself in her. So even tho she dawns a version of the uniform they have seen the crew members of captain Jack wear she  will take her own spin on them and  proudly wears her own creations. She wears an open nose ring to honer her upbringing as slave and symbolize her now found freedom. Shejelah is often called just Jelah by her two friend after  seeing the crew members of Jack using Nicknames for each other, while this is a shorter version of her name it also means ‘brain’ in an ancient language of the  Lophorel. And indeed a brain she is, not just having the strength of her species  Shejelah is quite smart and has a high interests in quantum physics and chemistry. She will often work together with Nirlaph, who has a interests into engineering to invent and upgrade all sorts of gadgets and knickknacks.   Speaking of Nirlaph (Nick: Nor translatable with ‘fluffy chicken’) they are non a less brilliant but suffer a severe case of being skittish and uncertain. As the younger sibling they often had to live to the standards the older one leid down first  and while they are in many aspects superior to their sibling the stress of being held up to already high standards got to them at a young age. So while they are capable of being  brilliant and an absolute genius their anxiety and stage fright often hold them back. So more often then not they tend to overthink decisions and either screw something up in the execution do to the anxiety or just not doing it at all even tho deep down they know they should have. They still don’t hold a grudge against their older sibling to the contrary they heavily rely on the fare more outgoing and intuitive  Ala’phrel to pull them for Support and to just pull them against  through it. But other than  Ala’phrel and Shejelah they prefer to keep to them selves  often working in the dead of the night and in secret  on their projects  to avoid the awkwardness that brings working under the public eye. But also he refuses to give their  and Shejelah’s brilliant invention to a society that wouldn’t even acknowledge Shejelah’s part in them  which they think is way greater than their part in them. So even if both of their work could have revolutionized the space travel of their society they keep their inventions a secret which will later be to their advantage. But well without  Ala’phrel the trio wouldn’t get to the point where they will find them selves.  Ala’phrel is bold, charismatic and understands how to get their way. They are the driving force behind the whole story dragging the other two further  into the right direction. While lacking the brilliant and deep understanding of the scientific backgrounds  their bordering on delusional positive attitude and admiration of the concepts  they have seen in the show keeps them all moving forward. Ala’phrel isn’t shy of justifying controversial actions ( like stealing a ship from their parents) with the greater  intention behind them which sometimes leads to further trouble they need to deal with together with their friends which more often than not build the perfect contra weight to  Ala’phrel ‘s at times insane schemes. They definitely are a bit too much obsessed with captain Jack and his crew and them being real so you could say they are a super fan. But in the end they have good intentions even tho they lack the experience they always try to do the best for their friend and for themselves.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Oh wow, I just read your post about feeling really drained, and I literally want to give you a hug in person but I cant. I hope you know that you're a beloved person in the fandom, and your fic recs are absolutely beautiful. Sometimes, when I'm having bad days i come here and immediately get cheered up by the fluffy recs. Just, know that you're sending a lot of love through the internet to tons of people. Hope some of our love finds its way to you too. Wish you feel better soon. Lots of love

ALSO, please do get a therapist if you feel like you need a source to help you get past your difficulties. They're HIGHLY underrated, and literally so many more people should see them too, regardless of whether their emotions have reached a breaking point. You shouldn't LET yourself stretch to the point of breaking. Take care of yourself, and have a good vacation. Also, good luck on the job search, I'm sure you'll do great!

(referencing this post)

Hi Nonny *HUGS*

Thank you so much for your generous words, love, and support. Seriously, sometimes my dumb brain just decides “today, you’re gonna have a terrible day” and every little thing I do just upsets me if it goes wrong, or exhausts me, etc. I just really need a break. And not just from work. I’ve been doing a LOT of thinking lately and I might have to take a break from Tumblr too, if only because right NOW, I’m only on my laptop from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, and it’s making me lazy, depressed, and stressed and I just need a break. 

And yes, I agree about the therapist. My current job offers free therapy services, but they’re currently not taking new patients until we go back to offices, so I imagine their waitlist will be long after All This™ given how many of my co-workers are all in the same sort of mental state as I am :P

My mental health is better on days like today, where it’s sunny and comfortably warm out (not gross hot out where you can’t escape them) so I’m looking forward to my walk at lunch today hahah. 

And yeah, I’ve decided that so long as stuff doesn’t get shaken up too much in August with the changeover of higher-ups, I’ll stick it out and see if it gets better, or hopefully I’ll still keep my job, but update everything and put my feelers out there for something comparable. I make decent money and genuinely like the work I do, it’s just the people above me, I feel don’t respect me, and I’m hoping when the changeover happens I can have my say to the new people. *shrugs* Wishful thinking. 

Anyway, so YES, I need a break, I just feel REALLY BAD that it might also include a break from here too. But it’s rare I’m EVER allowed three weeks in a row off from my job, so I think I should take advantage of that. We’ll see.

Thank you so much, Lovely, for this, really. I keep a lot bottled up (in real life too) because I don’t want to upset anyone here because they need me to be their support, so yeah. Anyway. 

I hope I find love soon too, hahah. I’m THIS_CLOSE to sending in the adoption forms to the Humane Society to apply for cat adoption, so does that count? LOL. 

Love you Nonny, and Love all of y’all very much.

[aceprosecuties]

How does one write Simon Blackquill? (This is a cry for help because I have no idea how and I'm trying to write a story that has been sitting in my folder for the past 7 months and I want to finish it but how does one write him my God... ;_;)

SO I know I’m still on like…unannounced hiatus as I try andfigure out what I want to do in the face of tumblr’s nsfw ban (which I hate, soI’m wrestling with my desire to not really use tumblr anymore out of protestvs. wanting to stay because I enjoy running this blog for the most part).  BUT I saw this and knew I had to answer! :D

OKAY, so it’s hard for me to exactly say what might be bestsimply because him pre 5-5 and post 5-5 can be slightly different, so I willjust go over how I write him and stuff!  Anddon’t worry; it took me a while to get his voice down myself, and even now Istill sometimes wonder if I’m writing him alright (but I look back at somethings in the beginning of my AA writing career and I think I’ve been able to getcloser to him than I was)!

Simon is odd because he honorable, snarky, a troll(ish), protective,emotional, scary, and soft all at once.  He hasa very specific vision of honor and adheres to that very strictly – this samurai code he follows was his reasoning forwhy he was ready to sacrifice himself for Athena.  In court, too, he has a specific set ofstandards and methods that he finds to be legitimate (which he allows) and just ‘tricks’(which he hates).  He is very intolerantof things he finds dishonorable – hence why he did everything in his power (andwas successful) to make sure that Apollo was not able to use his perceptionability in court (until he found it a necessary evil to taking down thephantom).  To him, this is just a trickand has no legal or scientific basis.  Healso does not like the dirty tricks that Nahyuta sometimes plays – he getsinvolved in 6-4 partially because he found Nahyuta using Athena’s hearingability against her to be underhanded.

(cut because holy shit this got long I am sorry I can’t help myself)

His respect for people varies depending on if he finds themhonorable and to be a worthy ally or opponent. In court, he refers to the opposition with the honorific -dono as a wayto show his respect of them as an enemy. He is very poetic (in his own way) when describing…most things, butespecially courtroom battles – they are, to him, akin to actual war, and thewords and arguments people use are weapons and blades.  His respect (or lack thereof) can usually beseen in how he addresses people.  Thosehe respects get their actual name and an honorific.  Those he does not get a nickname atbest.  (Example – in 6-4 he starts outcalling Nahyuta ‘Sahdmadhi-dono,’ but once Nahyuta loses his respect, hechanges it to ‘Prosecutor Sad Monk’ on top of just flat out insults.)

THAT BEING SAID his having respect for people does not meanthat he always…treats them that way. Simon is The Gadfly/Troll trope – he likes to provoke people and makefun of them and make them uncomfortable…either because he finds it amusing(most of the time), or because he is trying to get them to figure something out(usually in the form of ‘tough love’ especially with respect to Athena in6-4).  In prison he was a prankster andjust reveled in doing things to messwith his fellow inmates. He has an extremely dark sense of humor (gallows-type)due probably needing to have it in his own way in dealing with his prison sentence, and laughs at his own jokeswhile everyone else/most people around him stare awkwardly and feel uncomfortable.  He used this in court a lot too; when peoplestill thought him a murderer, he would act like he was committed to violence andwas about to cut them all down and then when everyone was cowering andterrified he’d be like “lol just kidding you’re all pathetic but you shouldhave seen your faces.”  He also used hisfrightening reputation and appearance to his advantage in court – he wouldglare and bang on the table and break his shackles as a way to unnerve peopleand gain that sort of psychological advantage.  Andwhen he was seriously angry?  Well…that was terrifying.

In the English version of the game, Simon is said to be asamurai, but he actually is more akin to a ronin – a masterless samurai.  Metis was his master/mentor, and he lost herand so does not hold that same sort of reverence for (almost) anyone, which iswhy he is so powerfully devoted to her and preserving her legacy and honor and savingher daughter.  (I say almost because Iwould say that Edgeworth is the closest thing he has to a new ‘master’ in thesense that Edgeworth helped save him and is his boss and is highly respected,etc.  So where I think he makes fun ofeveryone else he respects, he does not do the same to Edgeworth, who is more onthe ‘revered’ level akin to Metis (though still less than her).  Yourmileage may vary on that though.)

Things that do not interest him get zero/minimal attention.  In fact, he will go out of his way to make others do things for him.  In this sense, he actually might be thelaziest of the prosecutors – sure he takes his job seriously and will fight inthe courtroom to the best of his ability, but he will also try and get thejudge and the police and the defense to do parts of his job for him.  Simply because he doesn’t feel like it, and/orsimply because he can.  The easiest example is how he convinces the judgeto do the opening statements in most cases just…because he doesn’t want to. The one he actually does dothe opening statement for is the case that is personal to him and so he takes astrong interest in it.

So, on the outside, Simon is rough.  His sense of honor does not mean he is respectfulin the traditional ‘respectful person’ sort of sense and most people who cross his path would probablyconsider him brash and rude.

On the inside, though, and at his core, Simon is extremelyprotective and loyal and emotional.  Hisprotectiveness comes out mostly with respect to Athena – he might make fun ofher and tease her relentlessly but the moment someone does something toactually hurt her in any way, he ison the warpath and puts himself in the path between whoever is doing that andher.  This is the other reason he gets involved in 6-4; he saw that Athena washurting and panicking and came to help her (while at the same time shaming Nahyuta and the entire courthouse audience).  Sure, he did this with his own ‘tough love’type of approach, but he came to her defense without hesitation. So even after he is out of prison, Athena is still a very importantperson to him – probably the most important aside from her mother – and he willdefend her.

Pre 5-5 he has a lot of emotions deep within him – he is sad(canonically, the marks on his face were created from the tears he cried whenhe was in prison that he never wiped away) and angry and fearful.  Although he ‘accepts’ his death in theloosest sense of the word, he did not wantto die.  It was a sacrifice he wasready to make that went along with his code of honor, but he did not wantdeath.  Sometimes I think people forgethow young he actually is – at 28 hewas in prison for seven years and was a day’s away from execution.  He looks older because of the stress being inprison put him under and from the secrets he carried, but he is still a youngperson and was ready to sacrifice so many years for his mentor’s daughter.These sorts of sad emotions, though, he was usually very good at keeping hiddenbehind his humor and his ‘twisted samurai’ persona.  So I usually use this when I am writing inhis perspective (which is…my usual route when he is around), but I don’t knowif it would be as apparently obvious to others, minus Athena, who knows him bestand can hear his heart’s turmoilwhenever he speaks.  I also write that hestill carries a lot of it after 5-5but that is my personal perspective!  Hedoes have a lot of relief and is happier after 5-5 and that fear of impendingdeath does not follow him.  But to me,that sort of trauma will stay with him. He just, still, does not show it. He is not the type to lean on others. Get them to do his work? Absolutely.  But actually lean onthem for emotional help?  Not somuch.  Even with his sister, he was verystunted in how he expressed his love for her (and vice-versa; neither Blackquillsibling is very good at expressing their emotions).  

UH I’m sure I’m missing things but I just realized that thisis already like…1500 words because I just rambled about Simon’s character and Ilove him so much.  I DON’T KNOW IF THISWAS HELPFUL because it might just be me rambling, so feel free to send meanother ask or DM or something if you would like more or something morespecific, even!  

[grcy-blog1]

⌈ kim taehyung, cismale, he/him ⌋ hey, is it GRAY SIWOO that you’re looking for? you know, the TWENTY-ONE year old STUDENT. typically i see them hanging around ROAST CAFE so you could try there! i hear they’ve been in living in SAUGATUCK RESIDENTIAL for HIS WHOLE LIFE. gristol wouldn’t the same without them, right? anyway, whenever i see them they make me think of ripped jeans, colorful retro sunglasses, painted nails.

some quick info:

full name: gray siwoo

age: 21

date of birth: june 10

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

orientation: bisexual

occupation: student

allergies: peanut

zodiac sign: gemini

ok so gray was born and raised in gristol by his parents. his mom moved very young from korea to study abroad ( law more specifically ) and decided to stay when she met his father ( politics major ) and the two of them fell quickly and deeply at a very young age. however her family didn’t agree to it so she decided to cut them off even though she was very attached to them, so gray doesn’t know his family on his mother’s side at all. never spoke to them, don’t know what they look like, anything.

she didn’t come from a wealthy family but his father did!  once gray’s grandfather passed away his father being the only son took over their real estate brokerage business, making their lives way too easy. despite having her degree, his mom decide to dedicate herself to her family only and her kids, spoiling him rotten and giving literally everything he wants. gray could pretty much get away with everything if he pouts, which has helped him into his selfish and manipulative behaviors where he needs to get what he wants one way or another.

however, in order to shape him into a decent human he could get anything he wantedin his parents terms. he wasn’t handed everything, his dad was very rigid about that. instead he had to work  for it. do chores around the house, get good grades, that kinda thing. that really shaped him into a working man dhsuidfh ( even though most of the time his mom would let him off said chores )

TW DEATH

his mom was the sweet one in the house, but when gray was around 12 his mom fell sick and they discovered that she had leukemia and gray watched as his mom was no longer her best-self and never left her side to her last breath. his father was never a very loving type of father and often times he wanted to protect gray from seeing his mom that way but even at 12 years old gray was very mature and refused to let his father take away his time with his mom. the day she passed away was the day gray disconnected from his father completely, he blames him for her death and refuses to believe that now they can have a relationship when he spent so much time busy with work and away from them. gray still suffers a lot with her death but he never lets it show, not wanting to be vulnerable around others and doesn’t really want to worry his sister more than he already does.

he tries to not let the sadness and all the negative feelings take over him, figuring that his mom would want him to be kind and respectful to others like she was. he misses her dearly, she was his everything.

END OF TW

his dad has been the MAYOR of gristol for a couple years now, still a couple to go and will probably run again. gray thinks it’s hilarious that he can’t even take care of their house, how could he handle a whole town? but doesn’t say anything, in fact he takes advantage of his dad’s title to do whatever TF HE WANTS

his dad is also lowkey a homophobic and is that type who sees two guys kissing and public and cringes and comments about how its an indecency but wont do the same for the straight couples lol so gray prefers to hide that he kisses boys too from him but for everyone else he is out n proud ok 

at school gray was always kind of popular, he had his group of friends of course but he was naturally very social. he liked to talk and make people laugh and that continues through this day. he’s very sarcastic too which can be funny and because he’s a gemini he has those mood swings so pls be patient, sometimes he’ll be funny and cheerful and sometimes he’ll lock himself in his room for days without explanation

he was always very into music and was classic trained since he was a kid. that was very important to his parents. he can play piano, guitar, he can sing but he doesn’t think he can so he avoids the whole thing, loves playing though, especially the piano. catch him randomly playing just because at 6 am to wake up everyone because he’s THAT annoying lmao

his father demands a lot out of both him and expects him to be the perfect son and beCAUSE of that he goes against everything his dad wants. he wanted gray to attend politics school as well so he could be like him but gray decided to take arts instead, which he loves btw - he’s very artsy and loves to paint, draw, do some digital art and all that

he’s not a very big spender thankfully ( except w clothes tho ) , he likes to save his money even though thats never really lacked in his family.  he has plans of eventually leaving his father’s house and moving somewhere else away from him, the only reason why he hasn’t yet is hana. he can’t leave her. he’s simple, but likes to dress well and is obsessed with technology, he always has to have the newest phones, notebooks, watches, video games etc

very addicted to his phone and social media, instagram specially, in fact he likes to posts his art content and everything he does in there, updates his story all the goddamn time, i’d say he has a big following bc homeboy has a pretty face

a little bit of a hoe not going to lie, he’s very flirty and loves seeing his charm work on people, he tends to not let it go very far unless he feels very attracted to the person, he’s not the type to go fuck randoms and all that, he needs to have some type of connection before he gets intimate with someone

he can be a little hesitant to get close to people because he has major trust issues but once u get him talking there’s really no way to stop him, loves to roast and tease people just to be cute, he likes attention

a gentleman, he’s the real boyfriend material. he will open the door for you, carry your bags, carry yOU if you say you’re tired, go out of his way to make sure you’re comfortable, he’s your servant feel free to abuse it

however there are times where he snaps out of nowhere or just wants to be alone and is mean all suddenly but after will act like nothing has happened lmao

EXTREMELY affectionate, likes to touch hold hands hug kiss, he likes it when people play with his hair but all of that only applies to people he’s comfortable with, if you don’t know him well don’t touch him

[ anxiety tw ] he suffers w anxiety a lot due to his mom and stress and fighting w his father, sometimes he disappears and that’s when he’s having a crisis. he has panic attacks when its at its peak and he works out a lot and does yoga and all that as well as taking medication to keep it all at balance for his own sake [ end of anxiety tw ]

tries to eat healthy and watches what he eats a lot, he used to be chubby for a bit as a kid and that pushed him to work on himself which also makes him a little insecure about his body and his appearance. it’s still a little hard for him to believe that someone could be attracted to him and it’s also hard for him to just take a compliment without turning it into a joke.

neat freak, likes everything organized and clean and will freak out if you come over and mess up his room or go through his things

has terrible luck with relationships but never says no to love, tbh he’s a hopeless romantic and loves the chase. loves to gossip and he’s a bit shady when he doesn’t like someone ( which is not often this boy has a heart of gold ) fiughduf

omg i tried to keep this short and failed miserably

here’s some possible connections but i’m always up for anything

friends, ex-friends, enemies

someone who pretends to like him but actually talks shit about him behind his back

exes in good terms, exes in bad terms, there can be a few exes fjfgsdfhf

some sort of toxic relationship where they’re playing w each others feelings

flirtationship

someone he has a crush on but the other doesn’t or vice versa

a best friend, give him some bros pls

A CHILDHOOD best friend pls i love those

cousins, neighbors etc

party friends

iDK class mates

family friends

will they won’t they type thing

first kiss, first times etc

ENEMIES, people who just dislike him for any reason

someone who used to be friends w him but for whatever reason they have stopped talking ( perhaps a fight ) and now it’s either awkward as hell or they’re on their way to working things out

hook ups, friends w benefits etc

someone that likes fashion a lot too so they can go shopping together

work out buddy lets go

someone that likes his content on insta and knows him from there iDK

idk i’ll think of more later i swear

hit me up for plots love yall im excitED

[tumblunni]

Brainstorming about my yokai watch ocs: Dimmy and Gorgeous Ambassador, the most cutest family

* My Dimmy's name is Blythe and they are nonbinary. Gorgeous Ambassador is male and i dont have a name for him yet. I was thinking maybe try and make up a dub name for kageusuo (anime exclusive pre evolution) that sounds like it could have been his nickname as a human? Cos his story is that he used to be a wandering mercenary in ye olde ninja times, i feel like itd be fitting.

* Blythe is the main partner of my protagonist in my yokai watch lp, basically the jibanyan of the anime of my heart. Their personality is mostly similar to the Dimmy in the anime, but i feel like theyre maybe older and more powerful than the average Dimmy? Like a weak low evolution yokai thats stayed unevolved for centuries and is actually more skilled and world weary than you'd assume. Protag just got lucky that she bumped into this one super magikarp, lol! Also i like to draw them looking more teenage age by just taking the regular Dimmy design and making the tail extra super long. They stand roughly twice as tall as the protagonist and can wrap around her shoulders like a scarf :3 Blythe is however totally unaware of their super powerful mega skill and is very self depreciating and low confidence. But Mallory totally sees them as a cool older sibling mentor figure and is always trying to figure out ways to make their tol squiggle friend feel included and valued :3

* the way Gorgeous Ambassador comes into the picture is that he was actually the same sort of figure to Blythe! Back in the ninja era Blythe was partners with another human, but he passed away in tragic circumstances and it led to their current depressed self. However he actually reincarnated as a yokai and has been trying to find his lil sibling ever since! I feel like he was a failure samurai who tried to protect people but was so weak he never could. And he was always broke and starving and begging to do any sort of miscellaneous jobs for anyone or even let them punch him in the stomach for a few coins. And he had just as much self confidence issues as Blythe but he coped with it by becoming a compulsive liar instead, always boasting and trying to sell himself as some legendary hero to keep from facing the truth. Since Blythe was a cute lil babby yokai at the time, they always believed their human master's tall tales and looked up to him, which made him feel really guilty and try harder to work on becoming someone this kid could be genuinely proud of.

* Blythe was first born as a household spirit. Cos i was thinking about what Dimmy would be before it became a ninja, since the medallium description says it 'got a job as a ninja to put its powers to use', so like it isnt really a ninja yokai but just a yokai thats a ninja? I guess?? I figured that the idea of being an invisible shadow supporter fit with household spirits/domovoi/zakishi warishi (probably mispelled that) and the various other similar creatures in mythologies all over the world. Just the idea that theres some sort of being that protects your house and if you give it offerings and take good care of the place it will protect you and your family. So yeah its my headcanon that thats how Dimmys are born, and that theres probably many variants wearing different outfits inspired by whatever type of humans they guarded. Tho yeh ninja is a job that works really well with their abilities so it makes sense itd be the primary representative of the species in the games.

* Human-dude-who-would-become-gorgeous-ambassador first met Blythe when one of his various failed attempts to get a job happened to cross paths with the family Blythe was guarding. This family didnt believe in such old suspicions and never gave offerings to their household spirit, so it stayed small and weak and was almost fading away. Baby blythe didnt know why their humans didnt love them, even though they tried so hard to bring good luck and clean the fireplace and stuff. So they felt a sense of kinship with this poor failure samurai who was begging for food on their doorstep. The humans of the household spat in his face and turned him away empty handed, but the tiny yokai snuck some rice from the pantry and gave it to him. They were surprised that he was able to see them, and he gave them the first thank you they'd ever had!

* Addendum note: i feel like gorgeous samurai was cursed with being able to see yokai from a young age and its part of whay made him so determined to become strong enough to protect people. Perhaps his biological family was killed by an evil yokai and nobody ever believed what he saw? And he wandered japan trying to save other people and always failing and being blamed for what happened, since nobody could see the real culprit. This reputation of being a liar when he wasnt = he ended up actually lying about how he was totally fine and not sad and also great and not hating himself. Its not really something he can control anymore, its like a stress response and it keeps getting him in trouble but he cant stop. "Yes sure i can save the day, i'm awesome!" only makes things worse when he inevitably loses again, whic only makes his self confidence worse and traps him further in the lies...

* so anyway, he became friends with this lil babby yokai and kept coming back to visit them and tell more tall tales of his grand adventures. And eventually he managed to help Blythe come out of their shell a little and agree to leave this house where they were only fading away. Haunting him instead, the lil shadow soon flourished back to full health from being loved for the first time. And their new big bro would always give them the biggest share of all the food even when he was starving, and always wasted his money buying things for them, and knitted them lil scarfs and just HE WAS A GOODEST BIG BRO! They also made a great team, and he was finally able to fight evil yokai with a yokai of his own helping him out. Things were good for a few years!

* Eventually though, they faced a foe too strong for them to defeat. (Not sure yet who it is, cos it could be cool if they faced it again in the present day for a rematch?) Blythe's human friend ran into a burning building to save the people being attacked by this yokai, but because he was already gravely injured he didnt manage to make it out in time. And blythe was just a tiny bab who wasnt strong enough to carry his unconcious body to safety. So their last memories of him are of crying and begging him to wake up as the house fell apart all around them, and eventually the flames swallowed him up. the tiny yokai just ran and ran away from their shame, and never saw an ashy figure rising from the ruins and calling their name...

* eventually after years of struggling alone and lacking meaning in life, Blythe had a chance meeting with our protagonist and thus begins my yokai watch 1 lets play! At the same time their yokaified big bro is still out there searching for them, and maybe one day theyll meet again...

* also i wanna go with the pre-evo the anime added of Gorgeous Ambassador evolving from a sad depressed vampire lookin dude. Even if the whole circumstances here are vastly different! But we dont really have any info on what kageusuo's powers or stats would be, so i guess i'm free to mess around with that? I like the idea of it being vampiric just cos i feel it looks like that. But instead of drinking blood maybe its a hunger for shadows? Which is actually beneficial to humans and makes them less overshadowed aka the opposite of Dimmy's power. So if you ever feel that you're radiating charisma with perhaps a slightly lighter shadow, maybe youve been inspirited by this guy! And then the evolution into Gorgeous Ambassador doesnt actually change anything at all, except just looking more fashionable and confident (which is absolutely a lie). His power already made people more fabulous while being unable to affect himself, he just worked a bit harder on himself to try and catch up with everyone else. Self care vampire!

* oh and in this interpretation the way that kageusuo would be integrated into the gameplay is that Gorgeous Ambassador would get a new ability that lets him switch forms in battle, rather than it being a separate yokai. (Tho would still have a separate entry in the medallium just for conveinience of being able to view both character models whenever you want) Stuff that causes low confidence would make him poof between forms, and itd just be something like more attack based vs defense based, or maybe having two separate personality stats so its like his AI is slightly more versatile than the usual frustratingness of most yokai? Srsly im still so annoyed at so many yokai that have two mutually exclusive moves and the ai is stupid about using them at the wrong time to cancel each other out. Like how Dimmy can be given the AI personality to focus on attacking and thus take advantage of its auto-skill to be good at dodging aka a glass cannon. BUT also one of its skills gives that same status to an ally instead, which by definition takes it away from itself cos 'dont target this other guy' means there arent many other options. So you cpuld alternatively play dimmy as a supporter who exclusively protects others with that ability BUT the annoying part is that even when you set an AI profile to one particular move it still only makes it LIKELY to do that and not guaranteed. So every now and again your attacking dimmy will cancel its own buff to protect an enemy, or your supporting dimmy will forget to support abd instead buff itself despite not having the attack stat build to take advantage of it. Plus you cant have both and switch between modes mid battle, so thatd be REALLY useful if one yokai actually could do that, and also could change stats to fit! Im not sure how to give it a trigger condition thatd let you sorta change at will but also not be 100% easy and overpowered. I was thinking tying it to his confidence could mean missed attacks turn him into kageusuo and critical hits turn into gorgeous? But thatd be TOO uncontrollable...

* oh actually i think maybe i'll nickname him Amber! Just cos my brain just mispronounced gorgeous ambassador and It Kinda Works??? Also its a kind of name that sounds very pretty but also has connotations of gentle shyness, i think. Matches the duality of his fake boastfulness vs his true self doubt.

* Oh and i also thought of maybe having Blythe evolve into Casanono, even though you cant do that in canon. I feel like turning into a pretty humanoid would be a good way to symbolize their growing confidence ans casanono/casanuva has a big nonbinary aesthetic in my opinion. Plus of course the fact casanono is a variabt of a confident yokai thats actyally shy. Originally older brother dude was gonna be a casanuva to match, until i heard about Gorgerous Ambassador and decided it fits him better (especially with that new anime form!) So now im thinking maybe have Blythe be both casanono and casanuva at once, similar to their bro's form switching? But itd be more like casanuva is a rare super saiyan esque powerup when they experience rare moments of confidence. Im pretty much just doing this because SADLY casanono is a joke character who is literally mechanically forced to be useless in battle. Its ability makes it harder to catch yokai which ia already goddamn difficult, and it wastes a skill slot too. As opposed to Dimmy who has a similar personality of always being ignored and depressed but its abilities are actually beneficial. Itd suck to go from Blythe being my mvp to being unable to use them at all, so this would be a way to still always draw them as casanono in comics to match their actual personality, but using casanuva in battle cos.. Well.. Yeah its the functional one of the two. Level-5 if youre listening please make casanono useable in future games!! Casanuva is absolutely the worst one personality wise so it sucks that the game agrees with his ego that he's great and also punches his depressed counterpart into the bin of ignoreness DESPITE BEING SUPER SYMPATHETIC AND RELATEABLE AND ALSO CUTER COLOURSCHEME

Anyway thats all the thoughts i have so far. Except oh also itd be funny if throughout the whole story blythe keeps talking about their dead brother as if he was the super best most serious hero and then when the protagobists actually meet him he's this gaudy dork XD

[quincywillows]

hey maggie! i’ve been following you for so long and as my sophomore year of college is wrapping up soon (thank god, online school is the worst), i’ve found myself literally not doing a lot of enjoyable things that i would want to do or really creating/writing in time that i have away from homework/classes. i’m so curious as to how you created and did all of your writing for fun/fanfic things after already having to write so much for your major?

omg a long time follower... hello. hi my pal. so honored you’ve stuck around this long and my apologies that you’ve dealt with me for so long LOLLLL but happy to have ya! CONGRATULATIONS on finishing your sophomore year of college, especially in these crazy times. i really can’t imagine trying to do school productively in these circumstances, so i have a lot of respect for all y’all that are powering through -- hopefully you’ll get some sense of normalcy in the coming school year. i especially commend you, because sophomore year can be tough no matter where you go to school / what your major is (sophomore slump is a real thing). it was my hardest year of college by far, so mad props for doing the damn thing. you’re super powerful for making it and i’m proud of you!!! i hope you’re proud of yourself too.

this question... it’s a tough one. i hear ya. my first major piece of advice is let yourself rest and recharge if you need to rest and recharge. if your semester has just wrapped up, you might not feel the effects of that fully until a few days after you’re free of it. and it’s 100% okay to let your brain take a little break after being in school mode for so long. i totally get the instinct to feel like okay now that i’m free i have to take advantage of it as much as i can and jump right back into these things i love since i should have wanted to do them this whole time... but our brains are strange things. they need time and their own methods to process things, even in ways we don’t consciously realize we need, and sometimes a break is truly necessary. that means from everything that uses brain power, including those things we love so much. and i know it can feel guilt-inducing to just not do anything (like i said, i know that feeling all too well and am living with it Too Much at the moment), but if your brain needs the break, give it the break. don’t push yourself to write for fun if it ends up feeling stressful and not fun. so to start, try giving yourself a day or two with no expectations to write or be creative and just... relax. absorb some media for a change rather than crafting it (my go-to is always reading books when i’m not creating output these days). i would be willing to bet that if you let yourself breathe with no expectations for even a little while, you’ll start to feel your creative urges and instincts bounce back without even trying, just as you’re hanging out and vibing. that’s how it always goes with me, anyway!

once you get the recharge done and you’ve got some mental energy back, then the question remains -- how do we do creative things and stay motivated while we also have other stuff to focus on? i’ll be candid, for me, writing stuff for fun is the escape from writing stuff for work / school. like it keeps me creatively fresh on both fronts to be constantly playing around and working with different ideas, so i try to keep multiple projects going at one time for that exact reason. when i start to burn out on one concept, i jump into working on something else. (the only time this backfires is when everything is in an outline / brainstorm stage, like i am right now, which let me tell you is a whole other ballpark and my nightmare LMAO). but i think all this to say, part of it is just reframing how you look at the writing you do for fun. i dont think of it as stuff i’m doing On Top Of everything i’ve got going on, it takes equal importance and residency in my mind. they’re just different categories of output. in fact, i’m guilty more so of like working on the fun things when i’m supposed to be working on the Work work (hehe), but again, that’s another angle.

so then what are ways we can get inspired to jump back into the fun things, after reframing our mindset and after our recharge? for me, i have a lot of different things i do that keep writing fun for me. the main one -- and i cannot stress this enough -- is building a storytelling community of some kind where you can just have fun, bounce ideas around, and do writing in a very non-stressful environment. i’ve had friends like this since i was 11, and i owe all of them a life debt because they will never know how much they kept me going creatively. there’s just something very inspirational and creatively rich about having a group of people you feel safe to just throw ideas out to (and who you know actually enjoy listening to you ramble -- that one is crucial. i’ve had friends who i thought were those kind of people and then it ended up turning out pretty bad, and that can kill your creative buzz). for example, i would say 9/10 of the fun fanfic ideas i’ve written and shared started, in some shape or form, as me pitching it to my friends and getting to pop off about it and work out the bare bones with that test audience of sorts. plus, if you have writer friends, for example, this is something you can do for each other and not only build your creative friendship, but also support one another. that’s a key to the sprint method, and it’s how @ambitionsource gets written -- i don’t know if ambition would be almost through 3 seasons at this point if esther and i weren’t writing it together and constantly talking and chatting and brainstorming about it by feeding off each other’s enthusiasm. and in the real world, that’s basically what writing courses are for -- your peers and classmates are that community in that class. there’s something truly so invigorating about having that community, so if you can find that, i cannot recommend it enough.

but what can you do on your own? it’s not always easy to find that community, or if you don’t want to, and honestly sometimes its nice to just work creatively on your own with no interaction from others. for me, one thing i do is try to build the aesthetic around the project to get in the mood of it. for me, the biggest method to this is playlists. i’m a huge music junkie, so making a playlist (often times both vibes with lyrical musical and instrumental with movie scores) is like my immediate go-to when i need to tune in or flesh out a new idea and get in the zone. another thing i love doing that always gets me in the zone is doing character tests / alignments / etc. like personality quizzes are my shit, and i love doing it even more for characters. i’ll spend hours over time taking tests and assigning types and stuff just because not only is it damn fun, it really does flesh out character in ways you wouldn’t expect -- you have to step into their mind to answer questions and really think... like oh, how would x respond to y situation... and it’s really eye-opening sometimes! (hit me up if you want a list of the common personality tests i do for characters; i have a folder on my bookmarks bar lol). you can also try other creative things like making moodboards / pinterest boards, or making edits if that’s up your alley.

if all of that doesn’t seem to unblock your fatigue towards doing what you enjoy, my last piece of guidance -- and i know this sounds annoying, but bear with me -- is to just do it. even if you’re not Feeling It, do it anyway. for a little bit of time, bit by bit. that’s the whole conceit behind the sprint method, which takes writing and breaks it into bite-sized chunks. i’m a subscriber to the belief that writer’s block is a myth and isn’t real, and sometimes you really just have to push through your hesitation and do it. 9/10 times, when i do this, i find myself feeling so much more productive and happy and ready to write again once i just break that mental barrier. and whatever you do in that first breakthrough does not have to be brilliant, it’s just about getting back that energy and flexing those muscles -- especially if they’re rusty. 

hopefully some of this will be helpful to you as you try to get your rhythm back! let me know if you’re still feeling stuck and maybe we can narrow in on what might be causing the fatigue. best of luck, writing legend!