#lockstock x barrel

[mewmewtonio]

aaannnd, the obligatory fanart post has just dropped! (ref under the cut)

this is why album covers are gold sometimes

[alphamalereviewsfanfics]

HANDS UP AGAINST THE WALL WHERE I CAN SEE THEM by deleted user ):

SUMMARY: “literally the gayest cops you can imagine have sex against the wall of amenity number nine”

PREGAME: my partner played officer barrel in a production of urinetown and I saw the closing show yesterday and they are the best barrel of all time!!!!! better than everyone else!!!!! fuck all of you my partner just brings some nice gravitas to the character your stupid ass could never understand!!!!!! i want them to take me to urinetown!!! And so a few days before the show they sent me this fic and told me to read it and of course I would! I read it twice before the show and then twice after so I could gauge how the fanfic was to someone who hadn’t known the characters in full detail and then read it so I could compare the vibe of it to the performance I saw. I am a reviewer who only wants the best for his audience baby and I always deliver except when my friend sends me like a 12 part 500k word story about the amphibia characters disemboweling people I don’t think I can get through that series for him but maybe I will one day who knows. But anyways I was awoken in the middle of the night and that caused me to get inspired to reread the fanfic and write this review so enjoy my fellow alphas

REVIEW: When I opened this shit up and read the tags, I was slapped across the face with a SECOND PERSON POINT OF VIEW. Who the fuck write a fanfiction about two characters in SECOND PERSON??? I am here to read officer barrel get fucked by officer lockstock, “You” doesn’t even fucking exist in this world it takes me out of the immersion baby like what the fuck???? BUT!!! That was just my first impression because oh baby what if I told YOU that this was second person POV being used EFFECTIVELY?? Like what the fuck I didn’t expect it to be actually pretty solidly written so I kinda respected the second person POV as a quirk of the writer and let go of it and the immersion was never really lost it was weird. I’ve read only one other fanfic that did that correctly and that was because it was this one that was in the style of the disco Elysium game and so it enhanced the reading experience very well, I need to review it one day. But the point is that this is like kinda good. Before reading it, my partner and I looked through the comments and we noticed three things: 1) basically everyone reading it was in a production of urinetown and one person who commented actually had lockstock and barrel kiss which was cool I guess AND 2) people who weren’t a big fan of second person POV were into it, AND 3) an account called JDFangirl3.14 commented, “I’m doing this play right now, and we all love how beautifully and grammatically correct this is written! 👨❤️👨”. This comment may seem innocuous and normal but I was shitting my pants when I read that it said that it was grammatically correct. I am the type of guy who can’t really get off to reading fanfic shit, and like especially if there’s a grammatical error it just takes me out of the immersion. But once I read the fic I realized that this dude was almost right. Basic grammar laws were abided most of the time but there was one typo with wall being wal and one mistake where the author didn’t put a space in between two words. But that was easily passed over because man I was already engrossed in this body of work which alluded me because I had to reread it three times to realize that those were there but maybe I’m stupid.

This author (I wish they had not deleted their account so I could thank them) somehow blended in together some elements of shit I didn’t like (second person pov, italics for internal and external dialogue, cops) and somehow brought it together into something pretty solid and immersive to me. And like character wise it’s kinda in character like maybe the production I watched played it different than theirs because I couldn’t really imagine officer lockstock being too intimidating and I had to like separate the characters appearances and voices in my head from the actors in the production because it would be weird and kinda cuck-y to imagine your partner and the dude that played lockstock getting at it at amenity number nine so take my interpretation of the characters with a grain of salt. Like the dialogue isn’t the best sometimes and it feels like I’ve read a few fanfics that have said the same shit before but I don’t know maybe I’m riding a high on something that’s not making me as critical as I usually am. Yeah so if you like a nice combination of second person pov and you wish you could watch urinetown cops fuck on stage then hey this fanfic is for you.

BEST LINE: I’m too tired to find a line sorry I’m just gonna post this and then go back to sleep

RATING: 3.7/8 bunnies (gamma status I think??)

[jerky-pal1]

Thinking of angst of Lockstock x Barrel 🤑

[unpopularshipbracket]

Results for Round 1b

Rashmi Jamil/Amelie Macon (Entropic Float) beat Liam Dunbar/Hayden Romero (Teen Wolf)

Milo/Piers (Pokemon) beat Taissa Turner/Shauna Shipman (Yellowjackets)

Kate Shadow/Emilyko (Shadows House) beat Jupiter/Neptune/Venus (We Know The Devil)

Sasuke Uchiha/Suigetsu Hozuki (Naruto Shippuden) vs. Josh Levison/Sally Malik (Being Human (US)) has two days left, because I accidentally set it to 1 day originally so it's a bit behind

Kyo Sohma/Yuki Sohma (Fruits Basket) beat Frank Grunn/Harold Ivy (Halo Butt Buddies)

Haruhi Fujioka/Renge Houshakuji (Ouran High School Host Club) beat Aleksander/Regina (Dark)

Mihashi/Tajima (Big Windup!) beat Officer Lockstock/Officer Barrel (Urinetown)

Dale Cooper/Harry Truman (Twin Peaks) beat Chad Cola/Deuu Dino (CNP)

Arthur Rimbaud/Paul Verlaine (Bungou Stray Dogs) beat Dee Eliade/Audrey Myers (The Forbidden Game)

Dark Mousy/Krad (D.N. Angel) beat Tsukuyo/Sacchan (Gintama)

Benjamin Deeds/Nathaniel Carver (Generation X (2017), Marvel Comics) beat C-53/Pleck Decksetter (Mission to Zyxx) [this one hurts]

Gundam Tanaka/Hajime Hinata (Super Danganronpa 2) beat Skeleteen/Ram Man II (Masters of the Universe)

Char Aznable/Amuro Ray (Universal Century Gundam) beat Kyoko/Ayaka (Re:Mind)

Wocky Kitaki/Vera Misham (Ace Attorney) beat Robin/Demetrius (Stardew Valley)

Norita Yuuji/Shiota Nagisa (Assassination Classroom) beat Andrei Bolkonsky/Pierre Bezukhov (War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy) [genuinely surprised by this one, I kinda thought Yuuji was universally despised]

Mina Murray Harker/Lucy Westenra (Dracula by Bram Stoker) beat Terry McGinnis | Batman/Shaka Okoro | Stalker (Batman Beyond)

[kkshowtunes]

Mr. Cladwell: Mr lockstock, ready your…man. Lockstock: *walks up to Barrel, licks his thumb and wipes off Barrel’s cheek with said thumb*

OH.

Mr Cladwell: …no

[csodaturmix]

gay gay homosexual gay

[olivereliott]

Custom Bikes Of The Week: 3 June, 2018

British motocross champion Billy MacKenzie builds an incredible CBX750. Royal Enfield reveals a +100 hp Continental GT dragster. And Rua Machines turn the Moto Guzzi Nevada into a thing of beauty. It’s been a week of surprises.

Royal Enfield LockStock We were all pretty excited when Royal Enfield pulled the wraps off their new line of parallel twin motorcycles. Not only did it mean there’d be another couple of classically styled bikes on our roads, but also two new bases from which builders could choose.

This custom is LockStock, a bottle-fed dragster based on the Continental GT. Outside of the new engine and some bits of the Conti’s cradle frame, little remains of the stock bike. The subframe has been re-engineered in-house for quarter-mile attack, and the lengthened swingarm no longer swings—it just keeps the bike planted.

A steering damper has been installed to reduce straightline chatter at speed and the ergonomics dictated by those U-shaped bars should keep the rider from attempting any drastic changes in direction.

In stock form, the 648cc twin musters up 47 hp of puff, but LockStock can take a hit from a little blue bottle for extra oomph. S&S Cycle helped bump power to over 100 hp with bored-out barrels, a competition camshaft and high-comp pistons, taking capacity to 865 cc. Make this available as a kit please, Enfield. [More]

Honda CBX750 by X-Axis We should have known when we sussed out X-Axis’ CX500 that the New South Wales shop has a knack for transforming quirky Hondas into rolling works of art. This time around, a 1984 CBX750 found its way onto their bench—and the results hit that mix of neo and retro in all the right places.

I’m probably showing my age, but a set of twin rectangular sealed beams will pique my interest every time. And despite my hatred of the 80s when I lived through them, the nostalgia is all so very real nowadays. According to shop leader (and former British MX-1 champ) Billy Mackenzie, the styling was influenced by the iconic Ferrari GTO of that era, hence the swooping lines on the tank, the Rosso Corsa colorway, and the aforementioned front end.

Nothing came easy on this build. To create a retro ride that would outperform today’s showroom sitters, Mackenzie and his crew fabricated quite a few special bits. To fit the new CBR600 front end, the CBX’s original wheel needed some serious work to mount up with the twin discs. And a new stem needed machining to have everything come together.

There are plenty more details that are worth your time and effort, so it’s a good idea to click on over to Return of the Cafe Racers for the full report.

BMW K100 by Les Ateliers du Dr Joë When Pyrenees-based tattoo artist Joël Alba found himself looking for a new mechanical project, his mind wandered to the BMW K-series. More specifically, Dr. Joë wanted to turn a flying brick into something that would resemble a race-bred, factory machine.

The K100 he sourced was promptly disassembled, and the transverse mounted engine was treated to a full teardown and rebuild. While the internals were being buttoned up, the Beemer’s frame had all of the tabs ground down, smoothed out and the whole kit was given a fresh coat of black lacquer.

But it’s the bodywork that steals the show here. Dr. Joë fabricated the new front fairing, windshield, tank, tank housing, seat and cowl in house. And, in our eyes, he’s done some splendid work. The way that front fairing finishes where the roundel would normally appear on the tank makes me smile. The fact that those roundels were swiped from a BMW Z4 and function as side markers is a crowning stroke.

It shows some serious dedication to getting proportions just right, adding depth to the visuals and a flair for the original. Which shouldn’t surprise, since Dr. Joë is also pretty handy with the hot needle too. [More]

Yamaha Virago by Jody Milhouse Whenever we run across a custom Virago, Greg Hageman’s name is typically on the build sheet. But the Yamaha V-Twin machine is starting to find favor amongst others as well. This one comes from 22-year old Jody Milhouse of Thornton Hundred Motorcycles, who some of you may remember from the CR500 we featured last year. And he’s done another cracking job.

If you were at this year’s Bike Shed show, you undoubtedly drooled over the Speed block liveried, monocoque tank and tail that Jody created for this tracker build. The lines are spot on and give this ‘83 Virago a muscular appearance it never had in stock form. More impressively, the sheet metal work is Jody’s first attempt to shape the stuff on a professional build.

Of course there’s more than just fancy bodywork going on here. The frame has been treated to a full bout of detabbing and a new subframe was put together too. The front end from a Monster 821 was fitted up front, and a conversion was made to a Magura hydraulic clutch. The 750 V-twin now inhales through a single Mikuni TM40 carb and exhales via a trick, custom exhaust setup that Jody capped with a handmade silencer. [More]

Moto Guzzi Nevada by Rua Machines When it was introduced, the Nevada 750 was applauded for its light, agile and quick handling. However, the cruiser stance didn’t advertise that fact—and it wasn’t exactly what we’d call a looker, either. On the other hand, this honey of a cafe’d version by Portugal’s Rua Machines looks ready to connect the dirty dozen apexes at Estoril and drop jaws along the pit lane.

Much of Mandello del Lario’s original handiwork has been cast aside. The bodywork is long gone, and the frame has been tweaked to give a flattened, racer stance. Armando Fontes and Victor Rocha looked to Guzzi’s Le Mans for inspiration and did an absolute stellar job on the new subframe, seat and tail section.

The tank is actually from Bologna, once laying atop a Ducati 350 GT, and the roots of the Verde Boreale paint can be traced back to Milan and Alfa Romeo. Set against the deep mahogany of the seat and grips, it’s a knockout combination.

Longer travel Bitubo shocks were hitched up to the rear, and the front forks have been rebuilt and renewed for a more sporting ride. This is helped with the more aggressive ergos delivered by the clip-ons and rearsets. Performance has been addressed by that gorgeous under-mount exhaust and a free breathing K&N air filter. [More]

[kkshowtunes]

i’m in a very barrel x Lockstock mood

[colourspaz]

Okay I'm finally elaborating on this with lots of creative liberties

When Barrel tells Lockstock he loves him, he does not say "I see." In fact, he doesn't say anything; for once the ever-verbose Narrator is at a loss for words. He doesn't have an answer for Officer Barrel, so he responds with a question:

"Do you trust me, Mr. Barrel?"

Barrel is a bit confused and upset as he thinks it's a rejection, but he nods nonetheless- he trusts Lockstock with his life, and he tells him as such.

"Then follow me, Mr. Barrel, and please, keep on trusting me."

He leads Barrel back into the sewers and away from the revolutionaries lying in wait, away from Mr. Cladwell and his shriveled heart and Hope Cladwell and her blind heart. They emerge from the tunnels in what was once a forest- it's only dead trees and dried dirt nowadays.

Neither of them have said a word since they left the city, and Barrel is afraid to say the first word. Luckily, he doesn't have to.

"I'm afraid I may have lied to you, Mr. Barrel."

Barrel's heart leaps in fear- is he about to die? Did he doubt the Rules too much?

"I'm afraid I may have lied to myself as well," Lockstock continues. "I loved the people of this community, once, but the drought has shriveled more than the trees- it has shriveled hearts. Regretfully, that includes mine- and you must forgive me for this, but I assumed yours as well- but if you can love someone such as me, in such a place as that...well, then you must have one of the strongest hearts I've ever seen.

But strength cannot last forever- this I know- and I think it would well and truly kill me to see you of all people fall victim to the hopelessness that plagues our city. So I believe I have a solution."

Lockstock takes a deep breath and steels himself.

"Run away with me, Mr. Barrel. I know somewhere we can go- somewhere where they deal with the drought better, and where they won't know us, and we can start over and live what we have left as we please."

Lockstock steps towards Barrel and takes his hand in his.

"So to respond to your earlier statement, Mr. Barrel, I regret to say that I cannot proclaim my love in return- not yet, that is. Not as long as we remain in this wretched city. But if we were to leave," Lockstock places his other hand on Barrel's cheek, cradling his face gently, "I do believe I could grow to love you in no time, Mr. Barrel."

Barrel has been silent and still this entire time, and now Lockstock waits with bated breath for a response- a movement, a word, anything.

Gently, very gently, Barrel leans into the hand holding his face and says "I think I'd like that very much, Mr. Lockstock."

Lockstock and Barrel escape the city using the sewers. They camp outside the city for a few days until it’s safe to sneak in and grab their belongings, and then they’re gonna make the very long hike up to Michigan (there’s gotta be water there, c’mon) but as they’re leaving Little Sally sees them and she’s all alone and Lockstock /knows/ she’s all alone and that she’s probably going to die in this rotten town so he takes her with them without a word. Anyways they get married and raise their daughter in and die of old age and Aw fuck I’m late for class I’ll elaborate later

FUCK FUCK AAAAAAAAAA BANGING ON THE WALL IN LOVE WITH THIS