#lmao i couldnt finish this post for about half of the day

[xuyaak]

I’ve been rereading mtmte and lost light for about a week or so already, and now Im on issue 21, the last issue of the tyrest arc. and holy fucking shit i wanna talk about pharma

remember the space bridge to cybertopia? the one that tyrest had found inside one of the titans? the portal which only allowed in guys clean of sins? basically the reason why tyrest wanted to kill all of the constructed cold guys??

remember what happened to pharma? he tried to escape through the portal, didn’t succeed and when rung, skids and first aid found him there, he was just kinda… sitting there, leaning on the force field that blocked his passage. then he started teasing first aid and we all know the consequences, yeah.

then rung explains that rather than people without sins, space bridge allows to pass people who are at peace with themselves, which in that context meant something like having a clean conscience (rung couldnt have made it through the space bridge btw, while skids did)

and yeah, that was the moment that kinda changed my altitude towards pharma. i thought that his conscience gave him carte blanche (because hes special and exceptional) on all those murders and he didn’t consider himself guilty, and yet, the fact that he didn’t get behind the barrier kinda makes me suggest that somewhere behind his huuuge ego and maniacal passion there is a tiny little part of him that actually regrets that things have gone the way they did.

And, if it was legit, he would probably feel bad about his patients from delphi, the feeling of guilt would be like a mosquito constantly buzzing near his audio receivers. He cant come back, he cant redeem himself, so he decides to make it worse? Become desperate out of guilt and go mad? idk, im bad at psychology

so uhhh yeah thank you if you stayed with me on this one. if you disagree with me, dont be afraid to express yourself, the inly reason why i decided to post this online is because i want to hear what other people can say on the matter

[arcticsilence]

sigh

[clonerightsenthusiast]

1, 2, 29 and 30 for the fic asks?

1 I answered here! Short answer: 7.

2. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

I wrote a fic about kissing! Me! The kissing was the whole point of the fic! That's not something I do! It was fun tho and. well. when the rarepair compels you enough eventually you gotta just buckle down and write them making out yourself.

Also, not so much in a fic, but I've always shied away from challenges of any sort bc I'm a big scaredy cat afraid of failure, but when the philly pies discord set up a low stakes alternative to NaNoWriMo I jumped on it and gave myself the challenge to finish my big fic by writing 500 words every day in November. I had a spreadsheet and everything. That's not exactly what happened (I think I missed... two days?), and it was more like some days writing 100 words and other days writing 2,000. But I finished ahead of schedule! I actually both finished it, got it beta'd, edited and posted 7/8 chapters by the end of the month. And I definitely would've taken like. three+ months to finish it if I'd done what I normally do, i.e. just writing whenever I really feel like it. When I really want something done, it's a strategy I'll definitely be revisiting.

29. What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

I would love to finish my second LHC side story, fool me twice. It was an idea that I thought would be interesting and then as I started writing realized was actually twice as interesting. I got stuck on a silly detail but I think I've worked it out and just haven't put the words to page yet. But also lately my thoughts have been consumed by working out the plot and worldbuilding for a different new big AU fic. Finishing that outline would also be great lol.

of course it's night of the nocturne on flight rising for the rest of the year so ill probably accomplish zero writing

30. What would you like to write next year?

ohhhh boy. several things. there are like two or three more LHC side stories besides the one I have half written that I would like to make real. one of them forces me to reckon with the one glaring plothole at the center of the whole thing that nobody's called me on yet LMAO. which. it would give me a chance to explain it in a way i couldnt in the main story, but would also inevitably draw attention to it. so we'll see if that one happens.

and then there's the hermitcraft decked out 2 au that has consumed my thoughts for the past couple days. genuinely considering doing my own mini nanopiemo in january just to write that thing. i need it out of me.

and. well. the spider-man clone bro road trip fic i wrote a chapter of last year and never continued is always sitting in the back of my head making sad faces at me. it'd be cool to even just add a couple words to that one and keep the dream alive.

[mariesocuniverse]

Relationships: NCT DREAM

Look for Mark and Haechan: here

RenMae

Okay RenMae is one of the top if not the #1 among NCT

fans are like almost 100% sure they’re soulmates

Like there was no awkward small talk when they first met they just talked and ended up each other’s best friend

You would think they’d be childhood friends or at least friends before they became trainees with the way they interact even though they met at SM

she did confess to him before debut that she had a crush on him but he thought she was joking and now none of them talk about of that

Whenever she has a hard time sleeping and wants to sleep with someone, the first option is renjun

she also steals his clothes a lot and renjun’s pretty sure half the clothes in Mae’s closet belong to him

he just stopped fighting her about it because of how stubborn she was and let her do what she wanted

there was this one time he ran out of shirts to wear so he just walked to Mae’s closet and took one out

there was also this one time Renjun was in China and Jaemin posted a pic of Mae taking a nap with Renjun’s sweater on saying that she missed him so much so she wore his sweater

yeaaaaah nct twt broke that day and Renjun’s phone was blowing up with notifications

they dressed as peter pan and tinkerbell for halloween and have each other as that for each other’s contact name uwu

okay enough with the corny stuff

just because they’re close doesnt mean they’ll hold back on each other when it comes to teasing each other

like you wouldnt want to get in their crossfire unless you want them to turn their attention on you instead

MaeNo

you would think he’s older than her because of how protective he is of her

He has eyes like a damn hawk when they’re going somewhere

whenever they’re doing schedules you can see Jeno holding her hand as they make their way through all the crowd and glancing around to see if anyone has any bad intentions towards her

If it weren’t for his status as an idol you would think he was a bodyguard and he would beat up someone for Mae’s sake

whenever they record Jeno always waits for her to finish so they can go home together no matter how late at night it is

there was this one time sasaengs kept calling her phone during a live so he just grabbed her phone and turned it off and threw it too the side without saying a word

Second person Mae goes to when she has nightmares

they’re also have a really playful relationship

like there was this one time she wasn’t paying attention to him so he just lifted her and put her over his shoulder like a potato sack even though there was staff watching them Mae has tried and failed to do the same to jeno

You know how jeno says he likes being called no jam bc of how it makes him feel less burdened? Yeah she always throws him under the bus when it comes to variety shows

she has a samoyed plush on her bed when she bought when she went shopping with him bc it reminded her of jeno

Sometimes she hugs the plush instead of jeno just to annoy him lol

“I’m right here you know” “well the plushie is more huggable for you information”

Yes he did tackle her after that comment

MaeMin

okay this man right here

you know how he melts at everything jisung does? yeah the same goes for Mae

only that she openly accepts his affection and lets him cling to her whenever he wants like his personal teddy bear

you know how at fansigns idols sometimes get gifted cute headbands and plushies? he openly yelled “i love you!” to her when he saw her with a cat ear headband surrounded by plushies

she’s also like really impressed by him

she never thought she’d meet someone who would do aegyo so willingly and so shamelessly

like that one episode of weekly idol where they did the ottoke song and jaemin did a duet with everyone? yeah she couldn’t believe someone like him existed

he basically acts as her parent if none of the 127 members aren’t near them

Whenever they’re on reality shows and the prize is food he always put someone on her plate regardless of whether she lost or not

third person mae goes to when she has nightmares

would not leave his side for a week when he was put on hiatus and couldnt perform with the rest of the dreamies

she didnt want him to feel lonely while everyone else went to promote without him :(

All in all, they’re very affectionate and if they’re together you’ll have to pry jaemin’s hands off her

ChenMae

Mae’s child #1

he got lost in the company building and was too shy to ask the staff so mae approached him and brought him to wear he needed to be

accidentally called her hyung once when he was still learning korean but it ended up sticking so now he and jisung call her hyung instead of noona

When he first joined she helped him adjust with her broken Chinese and now they help each other with the language

one time she visited his house for dinner and his mom made her eat a lot of food because of how skinny she was chenle didnt stop her bc she needs sustenance >:(

wants to give her a personal tour of Shanghai when they’re given enough time for vacation

you know how chenle gave 00line watches when they became adults? he had to fight mae to get her to keep it bc she didnt want him spending money on her

legit he tried to buy her stuff but the only thing she accepted was the watch and this cute charm bracelet that says NCT on it

he put one of his photocards in her phone case (the WGU one with him by the water) and she hasn’t removed it since

he’s really smug abt it and brags to the others about it jisung retaliated by putting his photocard too so now she as to make both of them visible

fights jisung for favorite child position and he wins 50% of the time even though she says she doesnt have one

MaeSung

Mae’s child #2

took one look at him and decided to protect him

she’s used to other people taking care of her so it was nice to take care of someone else for once

i said he also calls Mae hyung but it’s also because he forgets that she’s a girl?

sometimes he hears someone call Mae ‘noona’ and he just gets whiplash because he got reminded that his “hyung” is really a girl put in a boy group

they were honestly really awkward when they first met because Jisung didn’t know how to react to a girl joining the group and kinda avoided her until she cornered him

calls him a tree whenever he teases her about her height

mae when jisung tease/pranks her: i’ve fed and raised you and this is the treatment i get?!?

jisung: you’re only two years older than me….

he gets pouty when Mae doesn’t pay attention to him

theres this one video of Mae talking to another member during Resonance filming and you just see him pouting in the background before walking to her and giving her a back hug

definitely uses his status as a maknae to his advantage

she’s not even subtle about it she’ll buy or cook food for him or yield whenever he loses a game

whenever she’s not around he always brags that he’s her favorite nct member haechan and renjun get so salty abt it lmao

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dearest, dont worry, ive been super busy with exams and auditions so i couldnt reply to this, super sorry ;n; but im here now so here we go!

mmm same, tasteful smut is preferable, tho rare. oh no! pls dont feel pressured to follow me on anything, i post very sporadically on that acc so you probably wont see much yet haha

hehe sometimes it just be like that. mmm real life isnt happy, so it makes sense that angst is more realistic, plus people are shitty /hj so its easier to have smth to base the characters and action off. but if angst is what you feel comfortable with, im glad you found it and you can write it so well!

yes i totally agree! they just suck you in, there is no escape. mmm indeed. i guess i just (and im sure you feel the same way) wish that they would be able to stick to what they are good at, and what they enjoy, rather than what will make them the most money and recognition

hehe i dont mind! im here if you wanna rant abt the amazingness that is he, i know the feeling of almost bursting from having to talk abt smth and not being able to :) yesss hes just so comfortable and familar even tho obviously we dont and can never truly know him. hes just like a good good friend. (albeit one whos abs we rave abt). :( ohh im sorry you were in a bad place, but its good that you were able to find something to help, im sure channie would be very happy to know he helped someone :) hehe i find myself listening for him in all their tracks, its a bit like felix in that its quite distinctive and very satisfying haha. YES seonghwa is just *wordless mouthing of amazement* mmm, its going to be super hard for them to top that, fever and drunk dazed were *chefs kiss* but hopefully theyll be better soon, ive been so worried abt all of them, with the whole covid thingo, especially nikki, hes only 15 and hes rlly sick away from his parents and his home :(( poor thing. man sunoo's immune system of absolute titanium, hopefully the rest of the boys are feeling better :(

yes i KNOW right. :((( huh i guess its strange cos i cant wait to get out of high school and ur wishing you could go back :') ahh that must be strange

oooh cool! ahuh yes, im sensing a type lol. ooh fellow jake, hyuka and lisa bias! for me, nikki and jennie are bias wreckers and im not super into txt but yES i agree, he always looks impeccable. i see what you mean with jake! hes got this kinda awkward charm from what little ive seen of him. mmm well... as a chan, seonghwa and namjoon bias, i can sympathise with having a definite postion type

no darling! they wouldnt be wasted at ALL. yes, you must tell me if you are ever going to leave here :((

but on brighter topics, i finished all my midterms and had my first therapy session this week so thats good! how are you feeling today? anything else you want to discuss? hope you're doing well :)

<3 w.a. 🐺

yoooo i was starting to worry about where you were but i remembered that you talked about exams. it's alright! take your time. also auditions o.O good luck with that!!

oh don't half joke people are shitty. they really are. funny how we talk about how we're talking about how angst is my element but i just finished writing a fluffy chan fic.

yeah :( i also hope that the money making thing wouldn't be their top priority but it's still a business industry so i get why the marketing is done that way.

i rambled to an irl about chan today so idt my head would explode from keeping chan chitchat in. chan is as safe space as an idol can get for me. i want to thank him for quite literally saving me in 2020 someday. it's the first thing i'll mention if i get to have a fancall with him.

i'm currently waiting for ateez comeback! i'm hoping deja vu won't disappoint bc the song isn't bad at all o.O it takes me back to my 2nd gen roots even. abt enhypen i heard 2 are back and posting? idt they got the worst of the symptoms + they're young and i'm sure their immune systems aren't too weak.

LMAO. it's because high school was a lot easier than uni so if i were to choose from the two evils, i'd choose the lesser one.

abt my biases? really? o.O bc i've always been told that i don't have a clear bias HAJHA. i'm glad we have a few similar biases <33 the definite position type HAJH you and my friends have the same thing going on. she's all for rappers tho.

i'll tell you if i ever choose to leave. i doubt it would be any time soon xd

congratulations on finishing all your midterms and i'm glad you got to go to your therapy session. how was it? i hope you're doing well. go and take care of yourself! reward yourself a little for finishing the exams :>

my feet and legs are sore as fuck. i've been dancing the whole day and i haven't been exercising a lot so a day full of just moving around kinda shocked me. i'll be sleeping in a few though so i hope i feel better in the morning.

[smallblueandloud]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo

aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!

1. tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)

guys and dolls but gay - very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.

sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”

sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”

sky: “and what might this person be like?”

sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”

sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”

my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!

steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.

He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.

In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.

Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.

He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.

(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)

untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her

untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......

(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)

aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.

“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”

“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.

“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”

“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.

and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”

She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”

He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”

Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”

2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!

no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?

hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).

oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.

(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)

“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”

“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”

She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.

To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”

Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”

“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”

She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.

i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.

also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.

5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!

Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.

6. what character do you have the most fun writing?

...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.

also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.

7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?

oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).

BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.

[microfeelings]

You know I just realized how rude of me it was to just post the fantasy AU and never elaborate further on, so I'll do my best to write down the most important things from this universe (no timeline because lmao how does a timeline even work)

For Arin it would be the fact that he grew up on a tribe of half orcs, (his mother is a druid orc, and takes care of the horses that help them move around, his father is an elven bard, and because of this he looks less orcish and more femenine than other half-orcs his age, it bothers him at first but he learns to live with it) and when he is of age decides to leave to experience the world on his own and find a meaning to being alive, (he feels like he needs to find a purpose) trains as a barbarian, but leaves before finishing his training and starts taking adventures for money, (freelance adventurer babyy) at this time he cuts off his long hair and buffs out(is that the word??) his tusks (cause he believes hes not that good for his orc part), thats when he meets Ross, (who is trying to kill him but this doesnt bother the man) they travel together for a couple of years and then Ross leaves him for some pirates in the ocean (Or something like that?? Unclear undecided lmao). Then Dan comes into the equation, not much later Suzy, then Ross (who is kind of an on and off character traveling with them), and Brian (same with Ross, but hes justified because he has a family)

The story with Dan is more complicated (and angstier oh yeah). I still havent worked on his whole childhood part, but on his 150 and beyond he was kind of a free spirit, traveling as a bard, with literally anyone who might wanna join, meeting lots of people and sleeping around, he was more of a lover and the works he took were more on the entartaining side than the slaying, he lived without much care up until he was 200 when he met a tiefling lady whom he fell in love with and was decided he wanted to marry, the problem is that they had different views on life (since she was ready to settle down, meanwhile Dan was more of a "keep seeing the world"), even tho he was ready to leave it for her she told him to keep traveling and that she was going to be waiting for him when he was done. At this time (look you really must have bad luck Dan) he fell ill and into a coma of 50 years, when he woke up he found himself in a world where a lot of things had changed, and the woman he loved was dead. Devastated and with nowhere to go he just decided to keep working and travelling, so he joined a band of mercenaries where he met Brian, altho kind of violent (on Brian's side), they hit it off inmediatly and became very close, enough so that Brian presented him to his family, still Dan felt that he needed to keep travelling to fill the void he felt in his heart (and also because Brian was a human, and he couldnt bare the thought of losing him as well, and it was easier to just avoid it by leaving even if it made him feel like a coward). Then he met Arin, Suzy and Ross (I feel like their adventures all together deserve a different post)

Suzy is also kind of a work in progress (I still havent completely decided what drove her to leave her forest so the story might change from post to post). She lived in the forest her whole life (childhood undecided) and when she was around 200 met Arin when he was a teen, they became friends and Arin basically talked his whole life with her, eventually Arin left and Suzy kept living in the forest until a village started growing just outside it and started being rude and mindless on how they treated her forest, so she decided to talk to the townsfolk, they ignored her so she resolved into using fear tactics and that worked for a while, but now her forest was known as a dangerous place where no smart person went, aka a perfect place for mercenaries and other shady groups. She went to the town asking for help but people were either afraid or mad at her (Suzy is not having a nice day) but thankfully Arin and Dan were passing through town when she went to the folk so they decided to help her (sweet reunion between Arin and Suzy <3 the man has bad memory but he still remembered his childhood best friend, also she looks the exact same so... kinda hard to miss, Suzy has thoughts about the beard but this post is not about that). Still not decided why she left the forest (by all acounts it doesnt make sense, but I wanted her traveling with the boys) maybe she convinces the townsfolk to treat the forest better or something cheesy like that lmao.

From this point on the stories become less and less thought out

Ross as a tiefling was always an outcast, and you know what they say, treat someone like a monster and they will become one, he became a warlock at an early age (undecided but he was young) to a demon who would ask him all sorts of favors, one of them being killing Arin: the one favor Ross failed to do, because after trying to murder the man they both got into a life threatening sittuation where Arin saved his life and Ross thought "oh fuck, hes nice". They began travelling together and tho Ross tried to kill Arin a couple more times, tho he could never comit and ended up leaving him so the demon wouldnt find him (or something, how has the demon not killed Ross yet? Loophole! What loophole? I dont know, I havent thought about it yet). He left to travel the seas for a while and met a bunch of people but eventually came back to land and back to traveling with Arin because no one was as cool as him (I guess?) Gets along with Suzy and Brian cause they're scary, and likes to mess with Dan cause its really easy to do (and also because hes jealous of his relationship with Arin lmao) but they get along when its necessary.

Brian's whole life before joining the mercenary is a whole mystery, nobody knows anything about the man, the only person who knows his backstory is Dan, but even he is unsure because he always changes the story (one of them is the true one, which one Danny boy?). All everyone knows it that after Dan left the mercenary group, Brian wanted to retire as well, but the leader wouldnt let him since he was one of the best in their group, and threatened to get his wife and child if he left, so he took one last job to kill a certain Half-orc (everyone wants Arin death, why? I dont know) and after that went as well as expected (lots of knives, Dan trying to convince both Arin and Brian not to kill each other), the group decided to help Brian kill his own mercenary group. He sometimes joins the group on some adventures (Brian's house is one of their many 'safe houses') still enjoys to sometimes stab Dan and Arin, but knows better not to mess with a fucking druid and warlock

Also if you wanna write or draw related to this au, I will love you forever, you can tag it as fantasy grumps, or tag me (but honestly I dont trust tumblr, so you can just message me about it)

[bartsugsy]

I count on your meta and good taste gurl. It bugged me that Robert said "i chose you" when we well know that he didnt make that choice since he was forced out of his marriage with chrissie. He didnt make a choice he just couldnt have chrissie anymore. And the other thing is a line from the reveal "you told me everything in the end and i stayed didnt i"? What the hell that supposed to mean? He also said he wanted messed up but then after one light fight and he gave aaron up LITERALLY

OK ANON I GOT U LETS DO THIS

(eta: OK HERE IS LO OF THE FUTURE, HAVING FINISHED THIS POST. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW I HAD FAR TOO MUCH FUN AND THIS POST IS OVER 2900 WORDS LONG SO LIKE

GET YOURSELF A CUP OF TEA)

firstly and the whole reason i decided to answer this ask, bc i LOVE talking about this, let’s talk about if robert truly chose aaron that first time around:

It bugged me that Robert said "i chose you" when we well know that he didnt make that choice since he was forced out of his marriage with chrissie. He didnt make a choice he just couldnt have chrissie anymore.

SO

ok, i don’t know how recently you’ve watched or rewatched the era from the lodge and chrissie/robert break up until... let’s say aaron’s reveal, because aaron’s reveal was when robert said ‘i love you’ to aaron again and really put robert and aaron back in one another’s orbits on the lead up to their eventual reunion, so

we really want to look at the period before robert did that - from the moment he lost chrissie, to him actively sort of... i guess announcing to the audience that robron was still gonna be a thing? is the best way to describe the purpose of robert saying ‘i love you’

this also high key benefits me, because that’s exactly where i’ve written up to in my break up posts (see part six and part seven)

this is convenient, because i spend those two parts talking about robert’s whole journey from being like I WANT TO BE WITH CHRISSIE AND HER MONEY to eventually being like UH CHRISSIE WHO

my theory is that after he got shot, he had a coma dream where it was just all-aaron all-the-time and he woke up like.... life is too short and i am in love with a man and his name is aaron dingle

my reasoning for this is that there is a pointed difference between how robert behaves towards both chrissie and aaron pre-coma and post-coma, even when he thinks both potentially could have tried to kill him lmao

pre-coma robert was outed against his will, first by aaron to chrissie and then by chrissie to his family (and the entire village). robert wasn’t ready to come out - he says the words “i’m straight” to vic (he also says “i’m not gay” a lot to defend himself but we have to let that slide because he wasn’t actually lying, even if he still very clearly isn’t ready to come out or talk openly about his sexuality or feelings for aaron with anyone else)

robert is clinging onto chrissie and sort of... is convinced that they can make it work, even though she’s so mad at him that she actively tries to set him on fire.

some key moments that i’m just going to straight up c/p from my break up posts to describe some things that happen, bc why rewrite something i’ve already written:

FIRSTLY, here’s two excerpts pre-coma, to show you how robert was acting just after being outed

robert’s determination that he and chrissie could get back together (in a way that literally seems desperate, with robert refusing to acknowledge the reality of the situation:

Robert pops by Home Farm, presumably to pick up his stuff, and tries to apologise to Chrissie again by ONCE AGAIN COMPARING HIS MONTHS-LONG, EMOTIONALLY INTIMATE, PASSIONATE AFFAIR WITH AARON TO THAT ONE TIME CHRISSIE AND CAIN TOUCHED LIPS FOR 10 SECONDS AND LIKE

HE’S GOT SOME FUCKIN NERVE, DOESN’T HE

I love one (1) dickhead.

Chrissie also thinks this is insane and Rob’s response to that is YOU STILL BETRAYED ME AND THAT HURT BUT I STILL FORGAVE YOU. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. Fuckin Rob.

Chrissie asks him to gtfo but Robert unsurprisingly selective hears his way around that  - instead he goes through his box of stuff that Chrissie has packed and realises that she’s including a bottle of probably very expensive whiskey that Robert gave her, promising that they would drink it on their tenth wedding anniversary. Robert is like THAT’S STILL POSSIBLE!!!! And Chrissie is like LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO SON and pours that shit down the sink.

She asks Robert if he loves Aaron, or if he ever loved Aaron and Robert, poor Robert who is still so fucking desperate to be in the closet that I can’t even hate him through any of this and I half wanna give him a little cuddle, Robert lies and says no. Chrissie says that she probably could have forgiven Robert if he’d cheated on her for love (spoiler alert: she couldn’t) but that she can’t believe he would throw them away for “nothing”. She asks Robert if there were other men and Rob’s face says that there were plenty of other men (and other women, what a lil horn dog) and she tells him to get out.

vic trying to speak with robert about his sexuality:

Vic ignores Robert and says, very seriously, that she knows it can’t be easy, “especially for the son of a farmer” and then starts talking about how Jack would have understood and been proud of Robert and Rob can barely even look at her, because he knows how Jack reacted  when he found out and it’s haunted him since he was a teenager. The only fuckin word Rob can get out to Vic is “don’t”, because he can’t talk about this and Jack with her and it’s all just

So sad.

Vic changes tact again and simply asks Robert to be honest with himself, because she just wants him to be with someone who he actually loves.

Rob still looks kind of haunted, but snaps himself out of it so that he can talk about how much he loves Chrissie. Victoria, quite fairly, asks why, if he had all this love for her, he cheated on her AND HE SAYS THE WEAKEST FLIPPIN LITTLE “IT WAS A MISTAKE”

MMHMM

AND THEN, LIKE

SHE’S LITERALLY LIKE

“WHAT WAS SO SPECIAL ABOUT AARON? DID YOU LOVE HIM?”

AND ROBERT FUCKIN SUGDEN JUST SITS THERE AND AFTER LIKE, THE PAUSE OF THE ETERNITY, STUMBLES HIS WAY THROUGH A DENIAL - WELL, ACTUALLY HE SAYS “NO - WHAT DOES IT MATTER ANYWAY? IT’S OVER” SO IT’S FUCKIN BARELY A DENIAL

OL��� VICTORIA DOESN’T GIVE UP THOUGH. SHE SAYS AGAIN THAT HE MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY IMPORTANT TO HIM, SO ROBERT SNAPS AND TELLS HER TO STOP IT. SHE FIGHTS BACK AND SAYS IT’S A SIMPLE QUESTION - “DID YOU LOVE HIM?”

AND ROBERT SAYS “NO, SHUT UP” IN A WAY THAT IS LITERALLY SO UNCONVINCING THAT VICTORIA JUST SITS THERE AND SAYS

“You did, didn’t you?”

He walks out of the room and doesn’t answer her.

And then he decides to move out of the village.

from the above, we can pretty easily glean that at the very least, robert is not comfortable about being out. he’s sort of... desperately scrambling around to not acknowledge what exactly is happening and part of that is him being determined to get back with chrissie in a way that literally involves him having to ignore reality. i think it’s difficult to separate his need to get back with chrissie to his desire to go back into the closet, honestly

but, if we’re saying that robert still wants to be with chrissie at this point, there’s also enough evidence to support this, given that that’s all he spends this entire time trying to do (or at the very least, he spends a lot of time trying to get his hands on her money/embed himself back into the home farm business)

SO THEN ROB GETS SHOT

HE GOES INTO A COMA, AARON FONDLES HIS LIFE SUPPORT AND TELLS HIM TO “HURRY UP AND DIE” AND THEN (unrelated) GETS ARRESTED FOR ROBERT’S ATTEMPTED MURDER, ROBERT WAKES UP AND LEARNS THIS AND SPENDS WEEKS BEING LIKE but how could someone who loves me do something like that AND LOOKING DEVASTATED

and ok firstly, bringing things back round to your question of where robert’s head was at in the aaron vs chrissie war inside of him, i would like to posit the idea that

robert spent a lot of time like.... genuinely upset about aaron potentially having killed him and feeling sad

whereas he was fully ready to believe chrissie would

and honestly between the two of them i’d also probably pin chrissie as more likely to shoot a cheating bitch, but honestly... honestly, i’d just like to remind everyone that if you rewatch, there’s a real difference in robert’s attitude to the possibility that aaron did it and the possibility that chrissie did it (mostly he’s just scared of chrissie lmaoooo)

SO, back to the recap of the story, THEN IN A CONFLUENCE OF ANDY-FEELS-GUILTY-ABOUT-AARON EVENTS, ROB ACCIDENTALLY FINDS OUT THAT ANDY WAS BEHIND THE SHOOTING AND GETS ANDY TO CONFIRM THAT AARON IS IN FACT INNOCENT

lets all rewatch chicken 2.0 guys it’s a masterpiece

a cheeky except from chicken 2.0 wherein i argue that aaron is a fundamental part of this set of events:

Rob once again tries to explain that it was an accident but gives up halfway through, because Andy’s clearly never gonna hear it and then he’s all like “YOU WANNA BELIEVE I KILLED HER? FINE! I KILLED THE BITCH. SO YOU TRIED TO KILL ME. NO, ACTUALLY, YOU GOT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT AND THEN YOU LET AARON TAKE THE BLAME”

Aaron taking the blame is a fundamental part of how pissed off Robert is, I need you all to understand this. If anyone else had been in prison, Rob probs wouldn’t have been careening down to the police station to sell Andy to the police quite so fast, let’s all be real here. Like, maybe eventually, but it wouldn’t have been the first thing Robert felt the need to do. Rob’s list of priorities on this day are, in no particular order:

Be upset that his brother hates him enough to try and kill him (again)

Free Aaron

...At the hospital, Vic is demanding answers but neither brother offers up the truth. Once they’re alone, Robert immediately asks Andy what they’re going to do about Aaron, because he can’t go down for something he didn’t do. Andy says he knows and he’ll sort it and then reiterates that he still sort of wants to kill Robert. Robert says that he tried to leave Andy but couldn’t, because no matter what either of them do, they’re brothers. Robert says that Emmerdale is where his family is and he can’t leave.

...Robert leaves and, apparently not content with Andy’s commitment to help Aaron ~~~at some point one day~~~, immediately calls DS Hart and gives a false description of his shooter that clears Aaron’s name.The village reacts and everyone keeps saying the words “Robert got Aaron off” and I laugh every damn time.

THIS IS SO GRATUITOUS BUT I’M HAVING FUN AND ISN’T THAT TRULY WHAT MATTERS HERE

BUT ANYWAY, ALL THIS (FUCKIN 1800 WORDS!!!! YEAH!!!!) TO GET TO MY ACTUAL POINT WHICH IS THE MOMENT THE SHOW MAKES IT CLEAR THAT ROBERT SUGDEN IS NOW IN FACT

ALL AARON ALL THE TIME

CHRISSIE WHOMST

YK

IT STARTS JUST AFTER ROBERT GETS AARON OUT OF JAIL, PER THIS CHEEKY EXCERPT FROM MY BREAK UP POST:

Aaron gets home a few days later and returns as Rob is having a drink in the pub. They make eyes at one another and Aaron texts Robert to meet him outside - apparently to yell at Robert and accuse him of keeping him locked up just to mess with Aaron’s head.

AND IT’S FASCINATING BECAUSE ROB IS ALL SOFT WITH AARON AND WANTS TO MAKE SURE HE’S OK AND AARON IS LIKE “HAHAHAHA I HATE YOU XOXOXO” AND STORMS OFF AND LIKE

THIS IS THE START OF ONE OF MY FAVOURITE UNDERRATED ROBRON PERIODS: THE PERIOD WHERE AARON HATES ROBERT’S GUTS AND ROBERT IS OPENLY HEAD OVER FUCKING HEELS IN LOVE WITH AARON AND KEEPS MANUFACTURING EXCUSES TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM.

IT’S AMAZING.

this is, i must stress, an underrated period in the robron journey and totally slept on, as evidenced by people still believing that robert didn’t actively make a choice to be with aaron this time around, all the way back at the end of 2017/beginning of 2016 and then forever and ever beyond that

and i’m here today to defend this beautiful period with everything i have within me

but also to talk about why robert absolutely and actively chose aaron

n o w, fortunately for me and my argument here, and you might not remember, but the show did this really pointed thing around this time of bringing chrissie back into robert’s life in a way that was kind of really wonderful

so, two things happen

firstly, chrissie’s trial for accidentally killing three people with a helicopter takes place at this time. robert, as a key witness (i.e. the person she was actually trying to kill), gets on the stand and actually vouches for chrissie, largely bc he actually understands that he kind of ruined her entire fuckin life and destroyed their marriage by banging the local mechanic

and then

there’s this little story where chrissie finds out that diane has been diagnosed with cancer and offers to help her pick out some wigs. chrissie’s mum also had cancer and so chrissie is doing this for herself and diane’s benefit, not robert’s - however diane is all very *eyebrow wiggles* so do u wanna get back with my son *eyebrow wiggles*

diane also brings this up with robert and is like hmmm i’m pretty sure there’s hope for you and chrissie yet

this all happens, by the way, at pretty much the same time as aaron is falling apart because gordon is back

now, i need to stress that at this point, chrissie is being a lot more civil with robert than aaron is - aaron is being sort of the opposite of civil. robert has also spent an entire month trying to worm his way back into aaron’s life. chrissie and robert actually genuinely have some nice, if awkward scenes. in contrast every scene aaron has with robert involves aaron insulting robert lmaoooo.

like, if we’re going by who is more receptive to robert’s presence at this time, it’s legit 1000% chrissie. like, she’s not into it, don’t get me wrong - she’s so over robert - but she’s not actively threatening him so??? still an improvement????

except robert is just out there, obsessing over a grumpy scrapper. literally everything he does in this period revolves around aaron. he has laser focus on aaron. which, as we know, legit does not change as they get closer again. robert literally entertains the idea of buying part of the woolpack, purely to engineer some time alone with aaron

(every single person immediately sees through this plan but robert, shiny post-coma robert, is literally shameless and doesn’t care lmao)

he’s just like oh aaron... wouldn’t it be cozy....

SO BACK TO THE ROB/CHRISSIE THING, BECAUSE THE SHOW LEGIT 

LEGIT HAS A SCENE WHERE IT SHOWS US EXACTLY WHERE ROB’S HEAD IS AT

chrissie and kerry are sitting in the woolie chatting and chrissie says shit about how sometimes u just need to move on when u know a person isn’t meant for you

vic and robert are sitting behind her. vic is like, clearly with no shame about the fact that she was just eavesdropping, “did you just hear that?”

rob is like “yeah why should i care?”, looking genuinely unbothered 

vic calls him out and is like “since when have you not been bothered about chrissie”

AND ROBERT

ROBERT GOES

“I’VE GOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS ON MY MIND.”

AND VIC IS LIKE “....Like?”

(i’m literally just transcribing the scene)

rob goes “LIKE BUYING THIS PLACE!!! YOU HAVE TO HELP CONVINCE DIANE TO SELL IT TO ME”

and vic is all “WELL WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT IT???” and then she realises that the only reason why rob would want to go into business with chas is because he loves aaron and he’d “put up with anything for him”

so anyway, i could have literally answered ur question by just transcribing this scene, but this was more fun wasn’t it

ANYWAY, with this little scene, we literally see it spelled out for us, nice and clear - robert is interested in getting back with only one ex at this time

a little later, vic mentions to robert that aaron seems to be struggling with gordon being around (which he very much is, plus dealing with the horribly timed discovery that paddy has been cheating on rhona but trying to adopt a child, which really triggers a lot of feelings in aaron, given paddy is his actual father figure) (it’s so rough rip) and robert low key just sort of stalks aaron to try and work out what’s wrong. which is how robert ends up being the one to be there when aaron collapses (and sets the whole ball in motion for aaron to accidentally and then deliberately tell robert about gordon)

this whole sequence of events starts around 14 january 2016, if u wanna go rewatch. it’s amazing.

so anyway.

robert actively chose to be with aaron and wouldn’t have gotten back with chrissie even if she’d been interested. he knew, by that point, and had entirely accepted exactly where his heart really was.

ALSO OK I KNOW YOU ASKED TWO OTHER QUESTIONS BUT LIKE

THIS POST IS ALREADY ALMOST 3000 WORDS LONG AND I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO AND LEGIT I’LL BE HERE ALL DAY I’VE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR FOUR HOURS this is who i am this is my life

AND I CANT EVEN ANSWER THOSE Q’S IN A QUICK WAY SO IM JUST GOING TO PRETEND THEY NEVER HAPPENED AND THEN IF U STILL WANNA KNOW MY THOUGHTS JUST ASK ME AGAIN TOMORROW LMAOOO im sorry this just got too out of hand only rip im actually not even sorry

ok ty goodnight xoox

[bleusarcelle]

listen up, listen up!

 that’s totally a song from tangled before ever after, no shame

I promised (?) a fic rec because I have read such good fics recently and I wanted to share bc these fics deserve so much love goddamit.

May I Have This Dance? by @subtlehysteria  

fic: cinderella au based on kiilea’s art. smitten fucking keith. smitten lance. deceased me.

ramble: god, you guys, every word of this fic is magic and beauty itself. I fell in love with every single sentence and Lance is just so damn pure and kind and he’s the best Cinderella, I love him. don’t get me started on Keith, because that boy is so damn gone and smitten it actually hurts and they dance and they are so happy and they forget where they are and they just have fun and god, the author did such an fantastic job on showing their feelings and - JUST READ IT.

It has a part two that honestly? fucking bless?? thank youf or my life and for smitten keith? i lvoe youu?????

partners by @mightaswellcry

fic: post season 6. lance and krolia chat. quiet soft confession klance. shy dorks on a pool. soft keith. getting together.

ramble: hoenstly? the ending was the tip that convinced me to bookmark it. I dont bookmark every fic I read, but damn, this one? this one was really gooddamned precious, especially the quiet soft confession? that was more of an action thatn words? and it was really damn good? loved it. booked mark it. 

Wedding Day Disaster by @l-x-ie

fic: wedding klance. best woman pidge who does her best. smitten keith. tired shiro. poor lance. best wedding sheningans ever. canon verse.

ramble: i have no words for this fic, but imma try. this fic is fucking glorious and so damn funny. it’s a wild ride from start to finish and the squad can’t catch a damn break. it’s great. and like, after all the problems? all the unexpected shit that life threw on them on their WEDDING day and yet these two asshole dorks just smile and are so damn smitten bc they jsut want to marry the other so fuck the universe. and the author does such a good job on moving the story forward smoothly enough ‘til the end and it feels so complete and closured and I need a goddamned honeymoon fic sequel.

moonlit delusions by @jilliancares

fic: werewolf lance. oblivious lance. pining keith. dumb lance.

ramble: jillian u goddamned genius i love you with 76% of my heart. 

All Right by @sunflower-le-tournesol

fic: roadtrip gone half wrong. grumpy klance. but then smitten lance bc he’s a good bean who is in love.

ramble: i recently read one (1) fic of this author and ended up reading the rest of their story in one fucking night. I still feel bad that I couldnt ramble a comment in all of them but it was so late i wasn’t fuctioning. anyways the fic. it’s sooooooooooooo short but so damn GOOD and precious. it’s like, I just love keith’s character here? and the way the author allows us to see keith through lance’s eyes it’s just...really fucking talent, i lvoed it, it was subtle but so improtant and good. reeeeeeeeaaaaaad it.

there, there by koganewest

fic: klance fight. klance makes up.

ramble: it’s really refreshing to see that despite them being in love, they are still humans and they still make mistakes and they are STILL a couple whoo go through fights because they are needed to build the relationship in a healthy way. I really like to see those sides of their relatioionship, and this author did really good on that aspect. both of them were on edge, oen of them was trying to comfort, the other took it the wrong way, buttons were pushed, angry words were said but int he end of the day, they care, they careso much and it’s so good to see that.

Calling the Shots by Ninja_Librarian

fic: nurse keith. nurse keith. nurseeeee keeeeeith. and lance.

warning: background shidge. 

ramble: funny af???? development of their relationship good af???? growing slowly as friends so good??? and then keith feeling guilty but he can’t go back now lmao. and then the CONFESSION O H MAN, WHY. it was so embarassing and i re read it like eight times lmao. really good, loved it.

can't buy me love by @jilliancares

fic: ice cream truck lance. mechanic keith. it was destinated.

ramble: JILLIAN YOU GODDAMN GENIUS I LOVE YOU. no but for real, this was super creative, lovely and so damn pure. one of my faves.

Cereal Sweepstakes and Other Bad Ideas ft. Lance McClain by  ruralfishingcat

fic: skydiver instructor keith. oblivious lance. slow lance.

ramble: oh man, this is just super good and so enjoyable. lance’s entire dinamyc with his friendsis really pure and his personality its so wild but like, lance, ya know? love him. he was such a dork, and so embarassing. and everyone knowing about their mutual pining but them? fucking dorks. like they honestly thought “oh first meeting this asshole? its fine im never going to see him again” YOU THOUGHT WRONG BITCH, HE’S YOUR SOULMATE.

an apple a day by  Kima

fic: sick lance. caring keith.

ramble: i’m just so in love with this fic. everytime i re readit im like ....oh yeah this is why i book marked it. it’s really gentle and the dinamic between the team its really comforting and fun. and keith’s super awakard but he cares and he tries his best and it’s just really damn good. 

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Suspiria remake review from a shitty movie-goer

(this review is posted too late so excuse me for some timing inaccuracies I couldn’t be arsed to edit)

(IF YOU HATE TL;DRS JUST SKIP AHEAD TO THE “THE REVIEW” PART. YOU’RE WELCOME)

I actually hate to admit why was I interested to watch this movie in the end, but for once SOMETHING motivated me to go to a movie after countless tries from my family to get me to watch something in theatres at a “reasonable time” (daytime is what they mean, this movie was at 8pm our time, and this is when the cross-city bus transport (it goes from one big city to another) stops doing their service lmao).

I myself have a lowkey interest in moviemaking (I’m already getting there by editing my phone-recorded videos because whatever). I come up with my concepts in my head and I am mostly willing to put them down somewhere in my computer so I don’t forget it years later if I want to make that concept a thing in the end (because none of my concepts are finalized... well except for one short horror-ish story I posted on DeviantArt (see mom, I do like some horror stuff!). Reddit as of lately inspired me to edit some of my movie’s plot-lines based on irl events (not related with anything too SJW), and I’m not sure how an usual movie-goer would see this concept but I am going to try to execute it... whenever I have enough equipment to shoot my own little films or skits or whatever.

What’s that? There are people who scrolled past this and already yell at me that “YOU ONLY WENT TO SEE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE OF THE MAN WHO COMPOSED THE SOUNDTRACK~~~”? Ugh yes you exposed me, tea all over. I even had “Street Spirit (Fade Out)” on a bit of a repeat as of lately (how fucking come I wasn’t too couragerous to listen to this song before?? And “Pyramid Song”??? Man am I discovering their pearl(ie)s(*) too late). And I’m occasionally on the band’s subreddit as well. And the man himself is touring ‘round the USA, signing material of fans and have genuinely warm chats with them. Admireable.

But that’s only half truth.

I never thought I’d see Suspiria on cinema theatres in here. Until one time when I saw an ad on a completely random Lithuanian website that said this movie is coming to our theatres 14 December... I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. I made my goal to see Suspiria since then. I even dared to ask a couple of my new college ‘friends’ to see it with me, but one of them fell off the deal when I revealed that I’ll be going to see it on Saturday, and on the weekends he’s usually at home, far away from the city the college is in (he lives in college dormitory on mostly the work-weekdays). So my only movie companion ended up to be this 28-year-old coursemate (actually we both study different things but sometimes we attend some of the same lectures) who was intrigued by the Suspiria trailer herself so at least I’m gonna have her by my side of the movie, so I thought. Sweet.

I already envisioned seeing this in a mall cinema theatre but my companion offered me a cheaper alternative - her suggested cinema theatre was actually in renovation so the business is temporarily happening inside an actual drama theatre’s long theatre hall. I had to wait long until the ticket box opened and because of that I was lowkey frustrated as I finished my English test writing a little earlier, so I spent my time walking around the city until the time came and I wandered off to the old building of the cinema so then I remembered it was moved and I found the moved place. Yeah I bought the tickets before my companion could but I’ll skip ahead to the time that I almost lost the tickets because they were put down on a windowsill outside some children activity centre (Suspiria and children?? lol). I came back home late at night and was ready for the movie to happen the next day. Oh and before buying the tickets I coincidentally saw dance classes going on nearby that building... weird, as Suspiria has dance elements in there

The day came (December 15) and my family went together with me because they saw this as an opportunity to see the Christmas tree of our city (but not the movie). Needless to say, they were still visibly pissed at me orchestrating this idea, as I planned everything BUT the transport to go by. Well at least my mom and my sis. Dad was cool with it as he returned home to watch Home Alone. Aside all that, the cinema hall was cozy, Christmassy, not too small, there were a few trailers before the movie, no snack-seller places (as this is not a mall lol) - my companion was glad she wasn't at the mall as she found this place where we were at way lovelier.

Now with all that unnecessary long intro off my chest, let’s begin:

THE REVIEW

(definitely not spoiler-free, if you are sensitive to spoilers please watch the movie for yourselves before reading my review. But if you like being spoiled, I’m your friend then I guess lmao)

The intro to the movie felt like I ended up booking a wrong movie - I didn't expect that to be set somewhere in Germany, especially an American/Italian-shot one. Was that a thing in the original Suspiria? I don't know... (apparently it is, but the cities are different, never the country though)

Patricia (I didn’t know it was Chloë Grace’s role until reading the Wiki) looked like to be a really big deal here, with the dance pupils discussing her disappearance the other day and Susie overheard them, then Sara mentioned the Patricia thing to Susie after Susie revealed she was kind of chosen as the lead dancer for the Volk play... is it because Patricia was THE saviour that unfortunately knew a little too much?? Idk, it’s perhaps the reason we get to see the Klemperer guy subplot happen (I didn’t know it was Tilda Swinton behind him all the time either, must be because the way the male German accent was put on her lol). Turned out she was captured and kept under some dungeon where Sara had gone later in the movie, but looking like an almost melted and grotesquely old human being (or if Mary’s mother from “Chocolate with Nuts” was a person). Speaking of which, there is one more later in the movie, but I won’t tell just yet - we will need to get into such scenes discussion first.

Interesting deaths here, despite of them being grotesque and horrifically detailed. It almost felt like Susie, whilst doing her first dance as the probable lead dancer, temporarily turned into Olga’s voodoo doll or a violent bloodbender (that old lady from Avatar that could bloodbend was incredibly uncanny, damn) and left Olga completely fucked up, and the foam mouth later on... is this the effect myxomatosis has on a human being if it was ever humanly? She was twitching and salivating afterall. :P But no, she’s not dead until she gets to plead her death later in the movie! :O Several others occur throughout, but none is more prominent than this key scene I described, well at least according to TV Tropes.

The search for the evil person in this movie without Wiki helping me much was definitely a nice game for me to play. I kept thinking that Blanc might be that one, then I thought she’s not the one until she looked at Carolina (I think that was the tall tomboy’s name??) suspiciously and then she later passed out on the floor violently, with rabies foam and everything.

Anyway, don’t tell me Tilda Swinton wouldn’t make out a pretty good Thom Yorke post-Pablo Honey. She’s 8 years older than him, ffs! Also played a man before (e.g.: this movie I’m talking about) so the make up won’t be an unjumpable-over hurdle.

The sighs were for sure unsettling, especially because they oddly sounded like orgasm here and there. IDK why. I know fucking is referenced twice in this movie (well only fucking once and sex another time). Speaking of random things, the nightmare shots were completely random themselves, following up with some imagery we never see in the movie again, and some of that we see only a little (like the worms and bloody organs).

3 long scenes that were note-worthy for me. One is the Olga mutilation/Susie's first dancing scene that I already noted, and it was driven by music (the others will be too. Soundtrack of this movie still rules). Then there's the Volk play itself - girls go from one place to another, take poses of each other, dance individually, let their minimalistic red rope dresses flick in the air, interspersed with Sara in the underneath area and her broken leg (so broken, the bone went out of her skin!), and then the matriarchy getting her back on stage, but healing her leg with her witch powers before that. I haven't really listened to the rest of the soundtrack but I gotta check the song out so that I won't end up labeling it as a Kid A reject. No but seriously - intense dancing needed some intense drumming and painful instrument sounds just to project out the massiveness of the whole play.

Then I keep remembering the scene where Madame Blanc commands Susie to jump higher and higher in the mirror hall, up until she jumps as highest as possible. Also my companion’s favourite scene was the stare exchange between these two ladies during the part where people were singing some drinking song in a bar to celebrate ‘Volk’’s success - you hear them singing and then some chilling background noise slowly mixing and creeping its way into the atmosphere, then I think it leads into a scene where some sparkling aura entity wakes Susie up (and she’s nude) in the middle of the night and gets her to go down to this... dungeon orgy full of random stuff going on, complete with an Asian man doing something beyond explanation (I could say lewd but not quite), even more strange ritual dancing and the very much frightening Madame Helga... who looked like Jabba the Hutt for some reason. And then of course everyone slitting, slashing and twisting each other, and by the end Susie throwing us all a plot twist which makes her THE evil one who can finally let her ‘friends’ go of all that suffering they have been through thanks to the damn witches (and yeah apparently her dance friends haven’t completely died? THAT’S how they do - they tell Susie to end their suffering and she does). Also she cracks her chest open to reveal a... very graphic part of a female body that will by no doubt get this whole text review reported without consent so I refrain from any illustrations. Oh and this scene mostly has the possibly favourite this movie’s soundtrack song of mine, if not one of them, play - titled Unmade. It was a mind-boggling decision to do so but the movie editors do them I suppose, but still. I felt sad for the song having to be the background of such absurd but fair enough events? (Oh and I didn’t mention that everyone who voted for the other woman than Madame Blanc to be the leader of the witches (iirc) were rid of in this movie. Damn.)

Oh and the ending is rather an interesting detail, not talking about post-credits because as always I have to be this one movie goer who wants to do it but can’t because they’re urged to go back out of the movie theater. We turn into modern day Germany with a love heart carved on a brick wall with the letters A and L (perhaps?? at the time of finishing this review my memory towards it kind of erased some parts of the movie for me), a nice little remembrance of Lutz’s (the old man’s) love for his dear Anke, with which they have reunited during the movie, but Lutz was dragged out by some people related to the dance academy for probably wandering elsewhere than needed and somehow Lutz ended up as one of the sex dungeon victims, stripped of clothing and lying down quite powerless. That and before the modern day shot we are subjected with Lutz in hospital with Susie coming to visit, they discuss something related to the plot, Susie touches the guy speaks some more, leaves and according to the Wiki, Lutz “suffers from a violent seizure” that was nothing more than just a hard seizure. And it even erases his memories!

Anyway, as a whole, I felt more underwhelmed of this movie’s experience despite really wanting to see it. Like, “uhm yeah gore blood people getting slashed everyone’s a witch and everyone’s watched over by the witch and if you expose the witches you die” kind of underwhelmed. I didn’t want this movie to blatantly go through my head, but it did, that’s why I wanted to make notes everytime something notable happens. There was one startling moment, and it just was an innocent scene transition. And something within Olga’s mutilation scene made me chuckle (and made some other people leave the cinema hall ASAP). It’s more of a disgusting watch than scary. Also feels too dragged out in parts.

I’d only recommend it if you are gore-tolerant (there are people that can’t stand looking at blood so this might as well not be for you, especially if you’re younger than 16), like intense choreos that can impact other people literally, and... the soundtrack. Yes of course. If you dare to get through the movie with feeling its soundtrack, sometimes you might as well feel it right, but some of the soundtrack song usages might as well make you go “hmm” as much as me.

I'll remind myself to never watch a movie in theaters for soundtrack again (unless they're not THAT late). And the other 'trilogy of the three witches' movie remakes, especially if they come out at the time I haven't moved houses by now, because for sure as hell will my parents not like me going to cinema late once more. The movie is lowkey 7 out of 10 for me, can sometimes it's on the verge of falling down to 6 becaude of no completely proper comprehension of some directing choices... so 6.7/10 is good - as it still has 6 in it, but totally leans on to the 7.

Will probably watch it again. I need to remember some more of this movie sometime later. And looking for online uploads of this movie is unrecommendable - I'll wait until Lionsgate distributes it to America for wider audiences so that anything could surface 2 months (or even a few days) later from now. Though if I didn't need all that, I'd definitely not watch it again for a long time... unfortunately I want to.

Post movie feelings: my companion liked the movie, initially said to never watch it again but now wants to watch it again because it was so "wtf" she felt like re-experiencing it at some point. She liked the music (another bonus point for Yorke). She wished she could film the reactions of other people who watched this, as they mostly were confused, all being like "wtf did I just watch???". I'm already feeling bad for the 3rd companion who didn't join us but would also like to watch this - he’ll likely be one of those confused movie-goers.

[karenfordonte]

in rihannas house low key lmfao old kite dream confirmed here

Still editing this post/Rough Draft:

so i slept alot today its almost 7 now just woke up not too long ago

i had a dream that tarry was out to bust some evil cops in our area cause they were planning to steal me and take me home to be evil to me but the Sargent she called their boss that which denise said to call her a sargent yesterday she described rihannas hard video as her lol bossing the army around lmfao but

yeah then when i woke up still half asleep tarry finished the adding onto the dream i just had she said all the other areas around my area already taken care of lol

and when i went out to smoke after the dream i saw the kite in that one dream same kite outside physically ok not dream but that dream i was in rihannas house and that was the sarcastic bitter pill of truth evanessance album cover on christas tongue but honestly that 4 days part was bs since i had that dream never what i wanted etc ew ok

im really too addicted to my elantes lol

and its funny cause today is when i chose to open up to tarry about what happened to me then she left and i slept lol

i was told a long time ago riri steals my diapers out the trash at christas back when i was blind to their corruption but i think theyve been taking evidence out of our trash so i heart flow when to put stuff in the cans lol yeah i just vomitted today a lot ish lol

ive seen movies about people in these situations usually the cops help those victims change names and etc hides them so

the best ones watching my house 24/7 probably lol as always for a long time cause godly real fbi is legit like fbi you have to be best at using a gun probably only gods can do that lol psychic heart flow etc

i talk to denise mainly tarry is kinda more quiet but i can tell shes legit lol

idk how my tobacco bag seems so low in amount today i just opened it

but my two hand sanitizers jane said she never saw those either

and i just got those with adrianna lol

and idk where my other stuff went but lol idk uh i think i gotta throw more evidence away now lol

i bet the cops were right there once adrianna left the crime scene with me lol

the tv of the crime show in our room right now said arianna was so fixated she couldnt let it go she was obsessed with staying with her husband lol good luck lol

christa said she was paying for all ashleys collage (to be a psychiatrist almost done she said) thats alot of money she mustve had lol and one time christa showed me her and ashleys texts and one time ashley was on the phone when christa went outside with me and it made christa cry cause ashley didnt seem to believe her excuses  like christa told me so

i think emma was an elante and one time her mom told me she was poisoning her husband btw with cat ear drops she showed me the bottle i thought she was kidding at the time but i didnt wanna get in the middle  heard some horror stories some by emma about her childhood one one time the dad fed emma bad meat that gave her pinworms one time out of no where the mom insulted her very fucked up and i stood up for her emma was my first gf and my go to best friend for many many years

golden snitches is funny

denise always tells me whos legit in the house whos not sometimes she low key changes it says one is nice when thats when his true self takes over yeah that one is legit lol and also shes right the couple here is funky those people for my nose aint right made me more nauseous the whole living room smelled so bad ew heard the couple is looking for a new place cause the staff mad at them too

yesterday me and denise made a cake and had icecream so it felt like my bday lol

everytime jane says to limit my smoking is days i sleep alot anyways lmao like she is legit

i keep getting nauseous off and on still been laying down almost all day today i wanna buy me one of those back massagers to lay on that heats up cause heat helps my back pain a ton i noticed when i had my good jacket on so ive been putting it on my back

ive been having alot of random pains i notice i cant bend over too long in bed a certain way just trying to lay down  it hurts alot and sometimes the leg twitches still hurt alot and theyre annoying my arm twitches not that annoying but when i just wanna relax my legs annoy me and my jaw used to only pop on my left side but denise pointed it out to make me notice its on the right side and not when i close my teeth together anymore when i almost close it now they mustve been trying to beat my face but yeah id laugh if dee andre thought he broke it when its cartlidge lol it bends naturally yeah but like all this paragraph is new since christas house

one time for my first sepsis hospital visit i wasnt even confused that time christa called the emts and i told them christa gave me two antibiotics she told them she didnt and told them im just mentally ill but thats bs but i wanted to cover for her during that time cause i heard it was illegal to share prescriptions but yeah

i have to buy the massager kind of heat cause regular heating pads are dangerous to lay on it says it on the lable and for hospital kinds are warnings like that too so yeah i probably cant ask insurance they probably have dumb kind lol i'll look for a water proof one just in case lol you know what no legit water proof ones on amazon so idk where my bed protector cover fabric went but oh well i'll just buy another one

for a long time for pain meds only dilauded in the iv worked (i was told thats the strongest one in the hospital) but when tara lets me have ibuprofen that works alot man im so glad meds when legit work lol but being poisoned and drugged didnt help too for my past  ps i think god controls the FDA just saying lol i need a full body massager but its more expensive but its ok

ive been sharing my tobacco with denise but ive seen her only have a couple cigs in a pack before etc many times she multiplies the cigs and seemingly money but she keeps it low key and she eats before i eat so i trust her of whats legit just in case and i think she adds to my tobacco bag etc cause the ammount in there always changes so yeah

ps for the samples i left in the trash i stopped bleeding so maybe that was just for the samples, they had my hair brush for a while, spit samples, vomit, and now poop from here this house too so yeah lmfaothe voice is cool to guide my heart etc

ps on dr oz i saw a guy that says no one needs to go on a detox diet to detox, that the body is naturally excellent at detoxing so yeah lol

ps i think i want a character thats a me donte thats black thats named theo lol or skyst im not sure yet but i love that name too lol

i think i gotta throw the lotions i have here away lol cause as far as i know they were at christas house and christa gave me the dove one lol i barely used it lol christa gave me that you can open so yeah ps i dont think the laundry soap i just got came with a seal on it why do stores do that lol  i threw away all the lotions and perfumes and cheap make up christa lied said its expensive its probably dollar kind lol

riri said she dated asap rocky to make him look dumb and shes god so she got herself pregnant lol cause he said shes his one and only but almost all her music is about me so shes hilarious lol  cause asap has a history of fights so yeah some argue why be with him after she went through chris brown but she just stunts people's growth the evil ones not listening to god like those who arent godly yet by selling them stuff and they shouldve been god promoted lol

cause this isnt that romantic:

and that the press always says anonymous person(s) told them that they always together and really romantic etc but lol yeah etc etc its funny some articles uploaded late use same pics from past articles lol its like lol even denise says she plays men before they play her and that she'd rather suck jesus's butt than to deal with bs basically lol

[treesilohuettes]

The 50 Question Tag

Nobodhy 1. What time is it for you? 2:37pm

2. Where are you right now?  work

3. What is the last thing you ate? rice and beef

4. How long have you been on Tumblr? started in 2011 but deleted in 2014ish-then restarted in 2015 lol

5. What is your occupation/year in school? just finished 2nd year uni - summer job in an HVAC company office

6. What is the last text you sent and to whom? to my boyfriend ‘okay’

7. What’re your favorite things to do to relax/unwind? laughing with

8. Have you traveled outside your home country? Where? 

9. Where would you like to visit if you could go anywhere? 

10. What’s something you’re looking forward to in the next few days? my bday and my boyfriends coming to see me

11. Do you have any siblings? How many? 1 half brother

12. Do you prefer nighttime or daytime? Night

13. Sweet or savory? Sweet usually

14. Natural look or glamorous look? Natural look

15. Reading or writing? reading

16. Left-handed or right-handed? right-handed

17. Dine out or dine in? depends what food it is lol

18. Chocolate or vanilla? vanilla

19. Make music or listen to music? singing (not well lol)

20. Sunset or sunrise? Sunset

21. Listener or talker? Listener

22. City or countryside? County!!

23. Describe the last dream you can remember? i dream everynight and they either (to some degree) involve transit, shopping and/or betrayal (they’re never good lol)

24. Describe a dream or nightmare that you can never forget? Years ago i had the same dream occasionally and it started with me (young) outside a bar/restaurant behind the garbage cans - when i went inside my papa was there but a younger version of him 

25. Have you ever smoked? What did you smoke and what was it like? Only have ever smoked weed and i still do its awesome and chill

26. What is an embarrassing moment you’ve experienced? it was the cross country running around the school yard and i had to pee so bad but couldnt go back so i low key peed my pants lol (like gr 4)

27. Do you like music? What’s your favorite genre? Love music it’s so powerful, my fav genre is Ed Sheeran lmao

28. Ever performed in a play or a concert? What was it like? school concert as the drummer - nervous cuz the whole band depends on my speed!!

29. One habit you’re trying to start? Eating more healthier/gym

30. One habit you’re trying to quit? eating shit and hating on myself lol

31. Do you know what you want to do in 10 years? TRAVEL

32. Do you worry about more often about the past or the future? The past lol idk why

33. Are you in a relationship? Yes <3

34. Describe a date that went horribly wrong? (Or wonderfully great, you pick) cute af date was with my current boyfriend and we went on a picnic and smoked and chilled on the swings/playground 

35. Would you call yourself a dreamer? fo’ sho’

36. An overachiever? depends but yeah (especially school)

37. A hopeless romantic? Yessss

38. Who are your role models and why? I have so many strong women in my life - but my mom for sure, she’s been through hell a thousand times and back and still loves life

39. What do you tend to spend your money on the most? food and transit

40. Put your music on shuffle. What is the song? Lay It All On Me by Rudimental and Ed Sheeran

41. Would you risk your life to save someone else? Yes, most of my family, my boyfriend, and my best friend - depending on the situation it could be a stranger too yaknow?

42. Have any scars? If you want to share, how did you get them? random little ones that i forget where i got them

43. Do you want to get married? doesn’t matter to me - if i want to spend the rest of my life with someone, then i will

44. Have kids? How many? No

45. What is the one thing that never fails to make you smile? My boyfriend

46. What is one thing you learned today? Standing up and saying no to my dad without feeling bad (slowly learning but so much shit today is pushing me over the edge)

47. Are you happy with where you are at right now? I am!

48. List 5 things you cannot live without 1) my mom 2) my boyfriend 3) music 4) art/crafts 5) nature

49. What is your best quality? I’m a great listener and can give good advice

50. If you could meet anyone from history who would it be and why? so many people but definalty many Budda’s - especially the historical Buddha  Siddhartha Gautama

Now go and tag some people!!

I TAG: @valarious  @nobodhy  @jozacoh @clearlypositive @glitterandhailandunicorntails @angel-im-trying​ @gvmes @plugsanddrugs- @nectarine-ish @shadow-insomniac @proevil (and anyone else who sees the post and wants to do it!)

[chamaelhyun]

so i just finished reading stephen king’s it...

... and i have too much feelings for it i think i have to write everything down, more for myself than for anything else lmao

first and foremost, bill loves georgie so much just thinking about them makes me so fucking soft??? and georgie kissing him on his cheek that day legit brought tears to my eyes knowing what’s gonna happen to him

also, stanley did not take that fucking bath i refuse to believe it no sir

“it was easier to be brave when you were someone else” - richie tozier

eddie my dear boy why would you marry your mother smh

ben loves beverly so much okay!!!!

i feel like bill and eddie’s friendship is so underrated so let me just put it right here -- bill thinks of eddie as his only real friend prior to everything that happened that summer and eddie "would have died for bill", if bill had asked him he would have just responded: “sure, big bill.. you got a time in mind yet?”

"..richie’s mouth was like a half-tamed horse that has a way of bolting for absolutely no reason at all” uhHHH IF THIS AINT THE TRUEST THING LMAO

“maybe sometimes things didn’t just go wrong and then stop; maybe sometimes they just kept going wronger and wronger until everything was totally fucked up”

“HE HAD HATED IT WHEN RICHIE CALLED HIM EDS... BUT HE HAD SORT OF LIKED IT, TOO” OKAYYYYYYY 

eddie loves bill like a big brother or a father if this isnt the purest thing ever im crying

RICHIE LIKES PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS OKAY DO NOT TOUCH ME “i hate it when you do that, richie” “ah, you love it, eds” 

i’m such a trash but richie!!! winking!!! at!!! eddie!!!

uhh richie telling eddie about his ambition when they were hanging out in eddie’s garage??? good shit right here

from eddie’s pov -- richie has an “enchanting, often exhausting charm” okay

the savage bill that usually comes out when richie is being such a little shit, i love it!! “best part of you ran down your father’s leg” kids pls lmao

UGHH I’M SUCH A REDDIE TRASH BUT RICHIE??? PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS??? WHILE COOING “CUTE, CUTE, CUTE”???? sign me the fuck up

stan “i think that must have been my father” the man

“it was just richie. he could drive you bugshit.. but it was still sort of nice to have him around” oh eddie spaghetti

isn’t it adorable how whenever richie says something which eddie thinks is bullshit but he isnt really sure is bullshit, he just turns to bill for confirmation??? “is there such a thing as a sift bill” 

“you know about fucking, don’t you, eds?” uhhh richie dont corrupt my innocent little son like this??? (tho of course my son is well aware thanks to this taliendo boy?? whoever he is??)

uh ben is such a genius??? youngest architect y’all. this. my son. right here.

that time when they were caught by mr. nell building the dam and everybody -- even richie himself -- was like, “shut the fuck up richie gdi!!!” and stan was holding on to richie’s arm ready to squeeze him hard if he starts being a little shit it’s like one of my faves of them idek why it’s just so funny to me??

also, richie is such a trash for bill istg??? “..maybe just seeing bill’s eyes light up with their own excitement was enough” ???

ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE RICHIE MOMENTS (and there’s a lot considering he’s my fave loser) -- him making bill feel better and less guilty about georgie’s death and then comforting bill, tho awkwardly, when the latter started crying 

uh idk if i maybe missed it in the book or in the movie but why is almost the entire fandom saying that his parents dont give a shit about richie?? cause i think out of all the losers, his parents are fairly regular (bill said so himself) he even gets to joke around with them?? and from richie’s pov: “he could read both of his parents like books -- well-worn and well-loved books” so im really kinda confused??

“they’ll pinch my cheeks and tell me how much i’ve grown” “that’s cause they know how cute you are, eds -- just like me. i saw what a cutie you were the first time i met you” uhh richie how many times are you gonna call eddie cute?? well i dont really blame you, my son is a reaal cutie

also!!!! bev and richie’s frienship??? hello why was it not in the movie????? cigarette buddies??? my badass babies??? 

richie: “likes bev a lot. well, he likes her, but not that way.’

also richie: *blushes and flustered when bev teased him if he was asking her out on a date*

ben not believing himself when he told richie to shut up, oh child you have all the right in the world to make him shut up lmao

bill and richie are like two of the bravest losers but after escaping the werefolf from the neibolt house they both just hugged each other and cried and oh my god my poor sons they do not deserve any of this theyre just kids ffs

uhhh beverly on the plane on the way back to derry was just a mess who couldnt stop laughing and just?? if i could smack tom rogan i would gladly do so and her father too for good measure

ben and bev and eddie just hysterically laughing is my aesthetic my kids deserve all the happiness in the world pls

ben always stands up for bev he’s so sweet?? he doesnt even care much what others say to him as long as they arent disrespecting bev and i just????

my pure innocent eddie not understanding why bev isnt allowed to have boys into the house when there inst anyone else there oh boy so precious

what’s worse than frightening stan uris? offending him, that’s right

the losers have forgotten about each other for more than twenty years but when they remembered and met up again its like nothing has changed at all????

uhh richie trying to calm eddie down but the latter just rounded on him telling him not to call him eds!!! and not to pinch his cheeks!!! cause he hates it!!! and richie recoiled and just?? my heart hurts

BEEP-BEEP RICHIE

“i wish stan was here” you and me both mikey

“she wouldve died for him” why are they all willing to die for bill oh god these kids

“he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts”

dafuq richie is really so funny istg??? im not playing favorites with my kids here but he’s so funny?? his voices are so funny i hate him lmao

The Apocalyptic Rockfight (need i say more?????)

excuse me but richie (and bev) taking care of eddie after said rockfight

bill is like the president of the losers club and richie is his right hand man am i right or amirite

I JUST LOVE HOW THESE LOSERS KEEP SAYING THEY LOVE EACH OTHER??? they’re so vocal about it and just??? idc if they were, like, brought together by this turtle to fight it,, their friendship is one of a kind and they deserve all the best thinsg in life

“stan did not have much sense of humor, and the bit he did have was sort of peculiar” UHH I SHOULDNT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD

“i don’t call you dick, as in ‘you got any gum on ya, dick?’“ OHH EDDIE STRIKES BACK YES

uhm excuse the fuck outta me but richie called eddie “my love” do not fucking touch me

“the losers are still losing, but stanley uris is finally ahead” uhhh fuck you pennywise???

I JUST LOVE IT WHEN THE LOSERS ARE BEING KIDS AND JUST PLAYING AROUND TOGETHER HAPPILY this is how it shouldve been anyways they should all just be happy and protected 

stan catching the losers’ crazy yup

BEVERLY MARSH IS BADASS WHO DONT NEED PROTECTING JUST BECAUSE SHES A GIRL YOU TELL THEM LOSERS, HON

richie being so proud of them, of his friends?? losers or not losers?? he;s just proud that theyre all together?? im so soft

"he shouldnt be down here” - richie when he heard eddie coughing when they were in the smokehole im such a reddie trash i feel like i notice every little thing between them lol

bill is eddie’s hero it’s canon

EDDIE MY BOY STANDING UP TO HIS MOTHER YOU GO SON

uhh when the losers visited eddie in the hospital and not even richie was smiling uhh why dont you just step on my heart???

“no good friends. no bad friend. only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.”

"it hurts, doesn’t it?” “yeah, why, sure. it hurts.” RICHIE CRYING CAUSE OF STAN SOMEBODY HOLD ME

richie asking for eddie’s aspirator and the others doing the same before they entered the house on neibolt street

UHH EDDIE IS LIKE THE LITERAL BABY OF THE LOSERS DON’T FIGHT ME ON THIS he’s often called cute (by richie of course) and often described as fragile, vulnerable and beautiful. and also,ticklish. so yup. a baby. The Baby.

“sure i can. i was alone last time. this time i’m with my friends.” SEE AN ACTUAL BABY THAT MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS

“anyone who tries to steal your aspirator, we kill him. but we kill him slow.” oh richie just say outright that youll protect the baby itsokay son say it

“hey eddie needs help okay?” richie making sure the baby is properly assisted by the losers (ok im such a trash really, sue me)

stan,,,,, makes me so sad istg yes he’s like the weakest among the losers in some ways but he was brave enough to go with them that summer okay and that says so much about my poor baby!! “i don’t have anything” YOU HAVE YOUR FRIEMNDS SON PLS DONT HURT ME LIKE THIS

IT IS SCARED OF THESE SEVEN KIDS HA

uhh can i just say,, i love all my children,,, but no to cheating pls????

these kids are such,,, kids lmao that part where eddie wanted a lick on richie’s ice cream (i think) and richie’s like no??? germs??? sharing??? your mom wouldnt like it?? then began to eat faster and eddie’s just like, i’ll chance it. so richie reluctantly let him have a taste but snatched it away quick lmao then stan offered his to eddie

“she says henrys gone crazy” “shit you mean he used to be sane??” richie istg

baby eddie!!!!! richie’s like no eds youre not going your arm is still broken and bill’s like he has to so walk with me eddie ill keep an eye on you (and protect you and carry you on my back and)

that moment when eddie called the others fucking pussies cause he’s doing that mashed potatoes all over it and he’s got a broken arm!!!!! ahhh i love this kid so much?????

and then after when the eye is gone and richie is mimicking eddie and was like “not too shabby, eds” and eddie was all “i hate it when you call me eds” and richie just goes i know and HUGGED EDDIE and says, “but somebody has to toughen you up, eds...” I LOVE THEM SO MUCH?????

FUCKKKKKK it’s the part when my kid’s arm got cut off and my heart just hurts so fucking much????? he doesnt deseve this?? none of them does????

‘richie was weaving and tumbling toward him like a drunk at the end of a long hard night’ “--eds--” STAB ME IN THE HEART WHY DONT YOU

 “richie, don’t call me eds. you know i..i...” FUCK YOU ALL I HATE YOU ALL

uhhh lets not talk about that thing that happened so they could get out of there im still so fukcing disturbed??? 

“son, you did real good” i wouldve smacked this turtle thing or whatever had i been a loser,,, i mean???

“we gotta get him out of here” “it’s too dark, you know.. it’s too dark. eds.. he.” RICHIE MY POOR BOY MY SON MY MOST PRECIOUS SOBBING OVER HIS BELOVED

“fuck you, bitch!!!” 

ben and beverly yes its what they both deserve

“even if we forget each other, we’ll remember in our dreams”

mike went through so much,,, i mean he was the only one who stayed in derry and looked into all that happened there beginning from god knows when. he was scared as fuck when the killings started again but he put off calling the others cause he wanted to be absolutely sure it is back before he disrupts the other losers’ lives??? he wasnt envious whatsoever of the success of the other losers even though the difference between him and them is so fucking vast?? he accepted it -- that he stayed in derry for a reason and that is to call the others back to finally end it hwen it comes back. he has done all these and more. let us not sleep on him. my boy deserves all the love and recognition he deserves. 

YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKS ME UP SO MUCH IT’S NOT JUST THE DEATHS OF MY KIDS it’s the fact that after everything theyve gone through together, they forgot about each other in the end

but maybe it was better for them too. to not think about the nightmares. to not think about the lives lost. but is forgetting really better than not knowing at all?

they went thorugh so much together and in the end they’ll forget

maybe cause as richie said, “nothing lasts forever”

[justintimbershit]

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)

4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol

7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont

11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?

13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers

17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight

18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe

19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any

21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope

23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually

24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin

36: Define Art.something someone creates

37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do

38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think

39: What time is it?9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both

41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous

43: Do you have any nicknames?jules

44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books

48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk

50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while

52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol

55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone

56: In a relationship?no lol

57: How many relationships have you had?zero

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that

59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed

62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf

64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr

66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness

77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this

80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“

82: What is your favourite word?fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise

87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently

98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards

[inuykago]

hey can you write analyses about inuyasha. Like your opinion on who inuyasha loves more? and why you think so? And maybe share all your feels about inukag on certain episodes! Definitely want to hear your opinion since you're watching it for the first time! I really enjoy your blog!

im so flattered by this ask & so so happy you enjoy my blog T-T

i’ve been thinking about this alllll day so here goes it!

so first all, i think Inuyasha is sucha great, great show. It takes a lot for me to really get into a show, let alone create a whole blog dedicated to it, and inuyasha was really able to grasp my attention within the first episode. I either like or dislike a show, and i freaking LOVE inuyasha. The characters are so dynamic and different and all such bad ass bitches in their own ways, and i LIVE for that! and of course the ships in the show makes it 1000000x better. Though there are a lot of episode and people may find that to be dragging, i think it’s really great bc the show preciously shows the story line and doesn’t let its viewers miss out on any detail. Whether it’s just one line or an entire scene, inuyasha really knows how to keep its viewers interested.

Before I give my opinion on who I think Inuyasha more, I think it’s really important to first show I analyze both Kikyo and Kagome (based on what I’ve watched which is up to season 6 so far).

So, let’s take a look back at Kikyo - Kikyo was obviously taken away by Inuyasha, as we saw in the flashbacks, she spent quite sometime with inu, whether it was to seriously talk or just take a simple stroll. From what I’ve seen so far, Kikyo’s love for Inuyasha is much more mature and serious. Kikyo knows what her duty in life was, and that was to protect the sacred jewel. Kikyo and Inu talked more on serious terms, while of course, also enjoying each other’s company, which made both of them forget about their worries and flaws for awhile. She tries to convince Inu to use the shikon jewel to make him fully human. Not only did Kikyo want this as a way to be with him for eternity, but also because she wanted to settle down. She wanted to settle down with someone who has made her feel much differently than ever before. Kikyo wanted to spend the remainder of her life with Inuyasha, and help him grow and just embrace in one another in what they are - a priestess and half-demon. They were defying all odds and both her and Inu fell in love with that. Kikyo wanted Inuyasha to grow up, but to also grow old with her. 

Now, Kagome, despite being Kikyo’s reincarnation, is much more different than Kikyo and I think that has to be one of the most beautiful parts to this “love triangle,” if you will. Finding Inuyasha pinned to the Sacred Tree in the Feudal Era was, obviously, life-changing for her. She was confused, curious, and also a bit scared. However, after Inuyasha saves the village from a demon, I believe she finds herself feeling more safe. Though Kagome didn’t realize it, she had already developed a little crush - a little baby crush. But this soon turns into an innocent, childish love. Not childish like immature, but childish like new and unaware. Kagome loves Inuyasha and yearns to be by his side to experience new adventures, new feelings, new knowledge, and just have fun. Kagome wants to experience everything first with Inu. However, despite her love that runs so deep, she is mature enough to understand that Kikyo will always by Inu’s first: his first love. Though this breaks her heart, she swallows her pride and embraces Inuyasha’s decision to pursue Kikyo first and forth most. Her love is so genuine, she just wants the chance to experience life by his side, even if that means Inuyasha doesn’t reciprocate that same desire.

Therefore, I believe that Kagome loves Inuyasha more (if that wasn’t already obvious lol). I cannot fully express the amount of love Kagome has for Inuyasha. It takes so much courage, understanding, and LOVE to be able to watch the person you love, basically, love someone else and, subconciously, puts you to second-best. As I previously explained, Kagome wants to experience life with Inu by all means necessary. She lives for the arguments, laughter, and danger that comes their way. She knows that though he still has feelings for Kikyo, Inu would never hesitate to protect/save Kagome, and that’s what puts her mind to ease. Her innocent, childish, yet mature love for Inuyasha is impossible for me to ignore because it’s so much more than just “love” itself.

So, if you see all my posts, you’ll obviously see how i go completely berserk when an inukag moment happens, even if it’s for a split second, my heart literally cannot contain itself. Since there are sooooooooooooooooooooo many inukag moments/episodes, I’ll just talk about my top three that I can remember off the top of my head for now!

Season 1, Episode 1-2

of course i had to mention the ICONIC episode(s) that started it all. When i first watched the episode, I didn’t really know what to expect. I used to watch the show when I was younger, but I was like 6 so of course I had no idea what was going on. So let me tell you, how messed up I am now when Kagome saw Inuyasha, on that tree, all helpless, but yet “sleeping” so soundly….I’M REAL MESSED UP. When she reaches for Inu’s lil doggy ears it hurts me so much because I love his lil doggy ears and how he wiggles it around when he hears something or people talk about it. Just the mere fact that Kagome pulled out the arrow out of him (((EVEN THO EVERYONE TOLD HER NOT TO BECAUSE HE WILL KILL EVERYONE))) just makes me really want to punch myself in the face or something because even she knew!!! she had to do it!!! And then as the episode goes on and Inu keeps calling her Kikyo i’m honestly like “really man” and of course it’s understandable why Kagome gets so uptight about it. But that whole thing is the first-hand example of how Inu cannot forget Kikyo. Anyways, when Lady Kaede puts the spell on Inu and gives him a necklace that can’t be taken off and thus the infamous “Sit!” comes in…. dude, when inu just sits there all sassy because he can’t do anything it melts my heart lmao. Then of course in the following episodes Inu and Kagome have to team up to find the shards after Kagome accidentally shatters it, and thus INUKAG IS BORN OUO

 Season 2 Episode 48

Okay, let’s be real here. This episode is/was the actual source of my TEARS. LIKE!!!!!!!! As soon as I realized that Kagome was going to end up seeing Kikyo I was screeching my poor precious Kagome her innocent precious eyes, I didn’t NOT want her to see that T-T But so she did, and my heart was ripped out yet again… When Inu hugged Kikyo and says that he’s the only who to protect her, I was both sad and mad but more sad because !!!KAGOME!! and then when he turns around and sees Kagome and he looks at her with those precious little puppy dog eyes….all the feels man…. all the feels…. Then when Kagome goes back home and thinks about Inu and Kikyo and wishes Kikyo didn’t exist I FELT THAT like spiritually mentally physically… Then later on in the episode when Kagome decides that it’d be best to never go back to the feudal era and give back the shards and forget about Inuyasha and all I literally started crying. I was in my school library and I was crying in my cubicle. but OK AT THE END WHEN INUYASHA AND KAGOME TALK AND I FELT THE TENSION AND EVERYTHING AND KAGOME EXPRESSED HOW SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT INU WILL ALWAYS HAVE FEELINGS FOR KIKYO, BUT SHE STILL WANTS TO STAY BY HIS SIDE AND HOLDS HIS HAND AND THEY WALK TOGETHER!!!!! LIKE!!!! THAT IS WHY IM SO FOR INUKAG AND KAGOME IS A BOSS ASS BITCH. SHE IS SO MATURE AND LOVES INUYASHA SO DEEPLY AND JUST WANTS TO LOVE HIM AND LIVE LIFE WITH HIM AND MAKE SURE HE’S HAPPY AND OUT OF HARMS WAY AND JUST BURY ME WITH MY SHIP

Season 4 Episode 89

Let me just say that i freaking LIVE for episodes that take place in the modern dimension, because I know Inuyasha will always find his way into there because Kagome always gets back “late” (yeah ok or he just CANT STAND NOT SEEING HER) and Inuyasha in modern day is so adorable because he’s so lost and clueless and so used to fighting demons and monsters that he doesn’t even know what it’s like to walk in a city and i just LOVE it. Anyways, the tHING THAT REALLY GOT ME IS HOW OK HOJO ALWAYS GIVES KAGOME FOOD AND FRUITS TO CURE HER “ILLNESSES” BUT IN THIS EPISODE INUYASHA DOES SOME OF HIS OWN HUNTING AND GATHERING AND GETS INGREDIENTS FOR KAGOME AND BRINGS A GIANT LOAD OF IT BACK TO HER HOME AND HE MAKES IT AT HER HOME AND JUST T______T I CANNOT. Then at night when he pat Kagome as she fell asleep and he watched over her and looked through her photo album, i was living and i was loving it. Like my inukag feels NEED these things. And he just spent the night with her like fck my shit up ugh. and when Kagome woke up the next morning and realized she was gonna be later and Inu rushed her to get dressed and took her to school for her “test” !!!!!! I COULDNT HE WAS SO HAPPY TO TAKE HER TO SCHOOL AND HAPPILY WAITED FOR HER TO FINISH UP THE SCHOOL DAY AND HE WAS JUST SO PRIDEFUL AND HAPPY AND WANTS KAGOME TO EXCEL BECAUSE HE KNOWS SHE CAN AND THATS WHEN MY HEART BURSTED 

once again thank you so much for this ask, and anyone who read this!! I know its A LOT but i have a LOT of feelings and inukag murders my soul but i love it and now cannot live without it. Thank you for allowing me to pour out all my emotions