#lmao fucking hell i hate myself so fucking much. haha. fuck.

[ironmanstan]

.

[mjshortformcjesus]

OK LOOOONG POST (i ranked all the saw traps except for the spiral ones)

starting with the worst and i’ll work my way up :3

74. lawnmower trap (saw 3d) because its boring and stupid

73. edgar munsen’s trap (jigsaw). this whole movie sucks ass but. the lack of filter on like this whole scene pisses me the fuck off

72. shotgun chair (saw v) idek it just sucks

71. hangman’s noose (saw 3d i believe) its really boring and basicccc

70. cyanide box (saw 3d) boring as hell im afraid

69. sentry gun (saw 3d) its kinda funny i suppose???

68. hoffmans ugly fucking rbt (saw vi) its fucking ugly

67. suspended cage (saw 3d) i would survive this no problem

66. chain hangers (jigsaw) i dont care for it and the needles and i hate it

65. spike trap (saw iv) its good i think its just like the one trap i cant watch :/

64. scalping chair (saw iv) idkkkk its justs like boring and yawn (really funny on 2x speed though)

63. grain silo (jigsaw) lordddd its badddd

62. electrified staircase (saw ii) i think this would fix my knees but like. the way its filmed lowkey sucks

61. public execution (saw 3d) good golly this one ugh. i think it couldve been good if it werent a stupid reason to get put in a trap

60. drill chair (saw i) lost points for being named jeff

59. shotgun keys (jigsaw) funny. i suppose

58. shotgun hallway (saw i) i liked sing ;-;

57. freezer room (saw iii) slow ass fucking jeff

56. cycle trap (jigsaw) not a personal fav but the corpse is really funny

55. brazen bull (saw 3d) diy top surgery ig but the wife didnt deserve that

54. ceiling jars (saw v) they couldve all fIT IN THERE

53. antidote safe room (saw ii) i hate xavier and i dont really enjoy when he cut the back of his neck off :/

52. electric bathtub (saw v) i liked the lady that got zapped ;-;

51. razor box (saw ii) its good but also akdjdjosjeoskdo

50. disembowelment (saw x) wooble wooble wooble

49. gas chamber (saw x) i hate cecilia so sos os os so much

48. oxygen crusher (saw vi) its a wee bit fucked up ngl

47. buckets room (jigsaw) personally i dont like it very much but @w3bcu1t does and i love her

46. neck tie trap (saw v) LMAO THE DECAPITATION

45. pipe bomb (saw x) ughhh its good but ughhhh

44. zep’s test (saw i) idek yall

43. magnum eyehole (saw ii) yea

42. spine cutters (saw iv) i liked art…

41. bedroom trap (saw iv) its icky but well done

40. horsepower trap (saw 3d) all i wrote for this was “lur lur lur” idk what that means

39. leg wires (jigsaw) ://////

38. wisdom teeth combo (saw 3d) the peanuts :3

37. jeff’s final test (saw iii) kajsisjslkaksndkd

36. razor wire maze (saw i) man oh man its a classic

35. the furnace (saw ii) :3

34. steam maze (saw vi) yea

33. exploding puppet (saw iv) OWAGHH lindseyyy

32. pig vat (saw iii) juice

31. flammable jelly (saw i) ngl its just for the name

30. knife chair (saw iv) hehe ha

29. eyeball vaccuum (saw x) slurrrppppp

28. silence circle (saw 3d) i wont explain myself

27. nerve gas house (saw ii) lowkey this trap fucks hard. easily the best group trap

26. laser collars (jigsaw) listen. i know it sucks. idc

25. the cubeeee (saw v) in my cube. straight up breathing it. and by “it” well haha lets justr say. neck air

24. classroom trap (saw iii) again. my notes just say “lur lur lur”

23. brain surgery (saw x) pabdodjeokeow

22. impalement circle (saw 3d) i…have no idea

21. radiation (saw x) gabrielaaaaa

20. bloodboarding (saw x) ITS SO AINSOEMEPW

19. pendulum (saw v) he-he got cut in half lmao

18. acid room (saw vi) tghe fucking body melting??? PEAK

17. bathroom trap (saw i) gay people

16. ice block trap (saw iv) fuck eric amiright

15. venus fly trap (saw ii) i loveee this one but poor michael probably didnt deserve that

14. shotgun collar (saw iii) live. laugh. lesbian.

13. pound of flesh (saw vi) this is a classic and i love it sm

12. the gallows (saw vi) AMERICAN HELATHCARE

11. shotgun carousel (saw vi) USA 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅🦅!!!!!

10. 10 pints of sacrifice (saw v) when- when the hands do the flappy i lose my shit

9. amanda’s test (saw iii) ANSOSJOSJknosjoskijsi&/918Jwboajaosj

8. needle pit (saw ii) isjsisjsoajaoanoak

7. reverse bear trap (saw i and 3d) amajda ambda andbaa mandy ambda amanda (and jill i suppose)

6. mausoleum (saw iv) mmmmmmmmmm

5. eric’s test (saw ii) oh goodness. i fucking hate eric matthews.

4. bone marrow (saw x) i really like this one

3. glass coffin (saw v) silly haha

2. the rack (saw iii) THE PRACTICAL EFFECTS RAHHHHH

angel trap (saw iii) i loveee kerry i loveee the effects i loveee the rats on her in saw iv i loveee amanda appearing as kerry’s ribs get ripped open

yayayaya i did it. yall can ask if you have questions :3

[underworld-park-offical]

CRAIG: Hey homos

CRAIG: Remember when I said I made a Tumblr like

CRAIG: A year ago?

STAN: Yeah, that thing is more inactive than my Myspace

KYLE: You still use Myspace???

STAN: Uh…

STAN: Maybe…

STAN: But making fun of Craig is more fun than making fun of me

KYLE: Oh yeah

CRAIG: Wow, okay, first of all, fuck you guys

CRAIG: Second, we got an ask I think? 

KYLE: What do you mean you think ???

CRAIG: I don't know! Tumblr’s ask blog stuff usually sucks on Mobile

CRAIG: But I was thinking…

CRAIG: What if we like….

CRAIG: Use the questions on the blog to like uhm….

CRAIG: Ask the ghost or demon or whatever the questions?

CRAIG: Since we’re all probably too high to think clearly

TOLKIEN: No, that's just you and Kenny

TOLKIEN: The rest of us are fine

CRAIG: Haha lmao me when I lie

TOLKIEN: Shut up

CRAIG: Ew, Tolkien don't touch me

TOLKIEN: I am literally not, bitch

JIMMY: Am I w-w-w-witnessing a l-lovers q-q-q-q-quarrel?

TOLKIEN: God no

CRAIG: I would rather put a bunch of nails into a blender, sprinkle in some thumbtacks, blend it together with my hand STILL IN THE BLENDER, drink up the nails, thumbtacks, AND MY HAND AS I AM BLEEDING OUT, than EVER date Tolkien

CRAIG: Besides, he’s stupidly dating Clyde anyway

CLYDE: I CAN'T REACH THE BOARD I HAVE BIG FAT SAUSAGE FINGERS

KENNY: Well don't squish my HAND with your SAUSAGE FINGERS

CLYDE: I CAN'T HELP IT CLYDE: I CAN'T HELP THAT MY GENETICS CURSED ME WITH BIG FAT MANLY MAN HANDS

KENNY: You are the straightest gay person I've ever met

KENNY: I bet you watch Andrew Tate videos in the Home Depot shelves

CLYDE: HEY!!

CLYDE: …They kicked me out so I can't do that anymore

CARTMAN: I hate this so much, I hope all of you know that

KYLE: Shut up, like actually

STAN: What's the first question, Big Supreme Man?

CRAIG: ….

CRAIG: Never breathe those words in my presence ever again or I will twist you like an Auntie Anne's pretzel

STAN: Well butter my biscuit and call me Popeyes

CRAIG: Hey Kenny, Do you think you could fight a demon?

KENNY: HELL YEAH!

KENNY: In fact….

KENNY: HEY!! If there's a spirit watching, I bet I could kick your ass!

JIMMY: K-K-K-K-K-Kenny, d-d-d-don't you kn-kn-know the f-f-f-first r-rule of h-horror m-movies?

JIMMY: D-don't p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-piss off th-the ghost

KENNY: The ghost can go Sugondeez

KYLE: Sugondeez?

KENNY: SUGONDEEZ NU-

CRAIG: WAWAWAWAWAWAIT SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP

CRAIG: I wanna ask something

CRAIG: Is anyone there?

TOLKIEN: That is the most vanilla shit you could ever ask

CRAIG: Fuck you

(silence)

KYLE: Nothings happening

STAN: Lame

STAN: We did this for nothing

JIMMY: Uh, f-fellas?

JIMMY: L-l-l-l-look at th-this!

CLYDE: WAHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK WHOS DOING THAT?!

CLYDE: I'M GONNA PISS AND SHIT MYSELF!

KENNY: Does anyone wanna trade places with me?

LITERALLY EVERYONE: No

CRAIG: (pulls out phone)

KYLE: ARE YOU FILMING THIS RIGHT NOW????

CRAIG: If I'm gonna die, I wanna die famous

KYLE: UGHHHHHHHHHHH

STAN: H……..e……..y?

CRAIG: Woah, cool

CRAIG: This is gonna look so cool on my Google + account

STAN: ....Excuse me??

KYLE: Google + ?????

STAN: Who in their right mind still uses Google + ????

CRAIG: Me, your super totally cool and awesome famous friend who you should stop bullying

CRAIG: Anyways, what's up Ghost? Say hi to my fans

CRAIG: .....This is gonna get me so much clout

LITERALLY EVERYONE: (ANNOYED GROAN)

(EDITS BY @pissblanket)

[vibingandsimping]

Gonna do my best here lmao. I’m tumblr illiterate nowadays but I’m always a thirsty ho who never gets cold ykyk.

Not sure I wanna give actual name (sorry),

Nickname: Moon

Age: 30

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Likes: I’m a lazy bones, I have a disability so I spend a lot of time doing little crafty hobbies when I’m able to. I struggle with taking care of myself so I need a little extra help. I do love horror movies, reptiles, and my current hyper-fixations are BG3, undertale, and flip book animations. Sorry if that isn’t much to work with haha. I’m a big animal lover and have always had many.

Dislikes: Large crowds/overstimulating environments, early mornings, the current state of society lmao and people who lack patience with other peoples needs and struggles.

Romantic/‘intimate’ likes: I’m a sub through and through. I like to feel small and like for my partner to take the lead. I’m all about intense power play when it’s with a trusted partner. Some more I guess specific would be hypnosis, pet play, kidnapping (fantasy), CNC, sub training, objectification, humiliation, and like let me be clear that I love traditional house/trophy wife AS FANTASY. I don’t want to get it twisted that I can separate fantasy and reality and can practice things safely with a partner I trust. I like mean guys, gals and pals.

Physical description: Short and thick. I definitely have an ass and thick thighs. I would be comfortable describing myself as fat but still getting used to the term and how it’s being reclaimed. I have brown eyes and olive toned skin. Lots of black hair that’s a bit longer than shoulder length.

The only fandoms in the list I really know much about would be BG3 and Dead by Daylight. I love me some monsters so I’m down for that.

I hope I’m doing this right and not wasting your time with rambling haha. I love your work and regardless I appreciate your time! Absolutely no pressure!

🌑

A hoe NEVER gets cold. No worries, i’m still learning tumblr myself. I do like the inboxes, though. Honestly, it’s perfect for writers. Also do not apologize for not wanting to state your name! That’s why I included self-insert/oc if people wish for anonymity!

I am also disabled… so some of this hit close to home. :,)

Kazan Yamaoka would like you. It’d be more like a doll deal honestly. You wormed your way into his vengeful and hate-filled life. You showed him a semblance of kindness. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. In turn, he gets to own you. Taking care of you financially and physically is nothing to him, honestly. It’s quite easy. Your needs are simple and helping you with tasks doesn’t take much from him. He’s strong and tall so he’s got that benefit.

He also takes very good care of you in bed. He’s more than happy to oblige to your kinks. It’s kind of a match made in heaven. He loves to feel big and strong. He’s got you splayed on the bed before him. His cock proud and daunting as it weeps. How in the hell are you supposed to take that? He growls at you in threat when you shrink away from him as he inches towards your face. His hand, so large it nearly wraps around your whole skull, grips your hair tightly. You part your lips in obedience as he begins to nudge them. His pre-cum coating your tongue as he slides each inch in one by one. You are already choking on half of it. His lips thin as he sneers at you. “I’ll turn you into my personal slut. I do like seeing you choke on my cock like a pathetic whore.” You moan around his length and he groans deeply. Fingers tightening their grip as he forcefully pushes a little more into your throat. Tears spring in the corner of your eyes as your airway is cut off. “Cry all you want, bitch. Fighting me is hopeless.” He glances down at you once more to confirm your desire. Then, he begins to fuck into your throat like the beast he is. Growling and ripping moans from you with each dirty and deprived phrase he utters. Your thighs rubbing together as your cunt clenches around nothing.

[thedevilscarnival]

Karin for the character ask game :)

yesssss thank you >:3

This thing got really, really long, so her character analysis will go under a cut. F&H's writing is just that good LMAO

Sooo, Miss Sauer... She's quite the gal, isn't she? I adore her, really. You take a person who sees so much injustice in the world and wants to do something about it, but, due to her upbringing and the fact she hasn't truly experienced hardship in her life... (yes she was kidnapped, but she had a relatively normal childhood despite The Dread of being raised on ransom) She does. Not know how things work. At all. Karin's the type of girl to chastise the powers that be and then use said powers to her advantage when they benefit her and not realize that's what she's doing. Her civilians arrest dialogue where she says she'll relish in the player being sent to Bohemia's notoriously inhumane prisons sticks out to me a LOT.

But she genuinely loves people. She loves people so fucking much and puts herself through absolute hell to "save" them. Unfortunately, she's gotta put people into boxes of "deserving" and "not deserving" or she'll go god damn insane. So she's biased, people fall through the cracks, and despite it being her worst fear there is a reason journalists like her are called "vultures".

Anyway, rant aside, ships. I enjoy Karin/Olivia because Karin needs to be dominated by someone she initially thought she'd need to protect. Go have your worldview shattered by the freaky gun fetishist who has terrible bdsm etiquette and masquerades as a Normal Girl to hide her pent up envious rage of her sister. Karin/Levi also appeals to me, but more in a way where they'd REALLY enable each other but not realize that's what's happening. Levi'd 100% fall into her Valkyrie complex and I love examining when characters go wonky.

I don't care for Daarin though. It can be good (and I've seen it be very good! Ao3 user Bobsledhostage's fic "Remaining Routine" is an excellent example of how that type of mutual spite-filled codependency can work), but a combination of it being... so common, and Karin's genuine hatred of Daan being flattened down to a "haha the wife hates her husband isn't it funny???" type beat has left me soured on it. But this game has phenomenal writing and literally every single character dynamic has potential so its a very minor, and very fandom heavy misgiving.

I'll die on my hill that Karin's not a natural blonde. It makes insane amounts of thematic sense for her character and is one of the few ways I'll be interested by Daarin, with Daan once again gravitating to a brash, black haired woman who steps all over his boundaries.

Let's see, let's see... Fanfictions... Well. I am. currently, in the process of writing a Karin/Olivia sm*t fic, but that's been on the backburner for a couple of. Months. By this point. But know it does exist. And it is emotional.

She's loud bird to me. If she were a Pokémon she'd be a yellow Squawkabilly, or perhaps a Mandibuzz if I wanted to be really evil.

I believe that's it. I love Karin a lot. I really, really do. She's an amazing character from an amazing game who reminds me so much of myself when i was 14 it's physically painful.

I hope she finds more empathy in the world.

[grimalkinmessor]

10+11?

10. Top three favourite fic tropes.

OH BOY *scrubs my grubby paws rogether* Ain't that a fun question? I'm a big fan of AUs—soulmates, hanahaki, A/B/O, you name it, I'm probably in love with it. My all time favorite trope is definitely arranged marriage, though. Or—I guess you could say it's technically dubious consent? Because it's really the power imbalance and the struggle for freedom that I really like about it, it doesn't have to be specifically Arranged Marriage, it could just as well be (and often is) captor/captive. The CODEPENDENCE. The PARASITISM that develops 😩👌✨ They need each other more than air, more than anything but they're killing each other, they're making each other stronger and worse, even if you die you'll never be free of me because a part of you is always in me and a part of me is soldered to you, I wish I could hate you, I wish I could love you, I wish things were different— the GOOD SHIT ✨👌🤌💕💞💖🙏✨❤️‍🔥💯✨⭐🔥🌟

Which sort of leads into my second favorite trope; fantasy AUs!!! Put some magic in that shit!!! Drop down some monarchial or even dictoral intrigue!!! World build!!!! Make that character a dragon!!!!! HELL yeah!!!!!!! Fantasy AUs are always so so so much fun for me and I love them. It's about 🤌🤌 the political/magical/moral intrigue 🤌🤌🤌🤌

Now. I say that vaguely because one of my favorite tropes that is hard as FUCK to find are creature AUs. Selkie and wing AUs specifically. Selkie AUs because they tie back into the above very nicely, but WING AUs always have me by the throat because it's just,,,,,everything to me. I desperately, desperately wanted wings as a kid (and still to this day), so a world where everyone has wings is my ultimate escapism fantasy. Plus the angst that tends to come with it?? Top tier, real shit. Your wings are broken, they're stigmatized, they're useless, they've been taken from you—or, my fucking favorite, they've never been touched :) Never been groomed :)) And the first time someone shows them that sort of intimate yet common affection you just start shaking because it's so overwhelming to feel loved. To be cared for. ESPECIALLY if the wings in question are broken, useless, bad luck. LOVE that shit 💖

11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated.

Tattoo/Flower shop AUs. They're alright but honestly they feel so much like coffee shop AUs to me that I can't really see the difference lmao. Plus it usually comes with too much fluff for me to find it interesting, even as someone who loves flower language and loves tattoos.

Gonna contradict myself with this one, but soulmate AUs. They can be good, but when you don't dive into the inherent darkness of having choice snatched away from you by fate itself and the horror that can come with knowing someone is the other half of you, connected forever with no way out, then what's the point honestly. The whole reason I adore soulmate AUs is because the very premise of it all is so fucked up, dressed up and romanticized as something sweet and wholesome. If you make it something ACTUALLY sweet and wholesome—which many people do—then I think it gets old quick.

Fake Unrequited Love. OH my God this one. It's fine, alright, it's fine but it irritates the shit out of me most of the time. I adore the angst of unrequited love, and to just say "well it only LOOKS unrequited because they didn't COMMUNICATE clearly enough haha the sillies" babe that is just dressed up miscommunication. Guh. Sometimes it doesn't bother me but honestly it's always been overrated to me. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Bonus one: There Was Only One Bed Trope. It's fine but I have personal issues with it. I like it in theory but it's one of the very few tropes that triggers the hell outta me. I wish I could enjoy it, but since I can't it just feels like it's everywhere, therefore making it overrated to me specifically.

(Hilarious because I keep intending to make use of it in my Matsulight fic but I chickened out the first time lmao)

[laurasbailey]

original anon here, i'm real grateful to you and everyone else for taking the time to respond and share your input!

i'm usually better at distancing myself from online spaces, i've just kinda "relapsed" lately and went on a self-destructive deep dive ☠️ like..."i've been checking reddit", kind of self-destructive. what a long break does to a mf, i guess

i do agree with what you've all said & I'm aware that it's basic common sense in fandom spaces and beyond - if i've been enjoying c3, there's no reason to let someone else's opinion bother me. i think one of the issues is…if there's stuff that i've been enjoying less on my own, and then i see negativity around that same stuff, my brain tends to take it as confirmation that it's true lmao and i find myself suspecting that i would enjoy a sandbox-y vibe a lot, but that's not happening with the characters and story that i've been invested in since the beginning. am i making up problems in my head? definetly, and i'm actually a bit ashamed to admit that, but hey

all that being said, i absolutely love those same things you've mentioned (the focus on the ladies, this romance, the high stakes and having ashley full-time) and more, even as i have less context for it being unusual since it's my first campaign! and i obviously agree that it's not anyone's game but theirs. i wouldn't wish for them to cater to anyone's desires but their own and i'm 100% sure that what i loved from the beginning is common in every campaign - the joy and fun we get watching them enjoy themselves

truly, the negative thoughts are more related to getting too bogged down thinking of the story itself, in a way, and wishing i could see these specific characters chill a bit and explore…so basically the ticking clock problem haha i generally worry they're never gonna get to talking or resolving interpersonal issues before the campaign's over and they're not the main party anymore

sorry for the lenght of this and for bringing it to you out of the blue haha i've been overthinking on loop and since literally no one i know watches the show and i don't want to be annoying to them, i'm annoying on the internet. again, thank you so so much!!

i think i get where you’re coming from and i think you’ll enjoy c1 and 2 if that’s the case! there’s definitely a lot more meandering, and c2 doesn’t even start tackling what i would consider “the main plot” until like 50+ eps in lmao. meanwhile c1 has the high stakes of c3 but the main plot starts early and stretches for a long time.

i think since i’ve experienced both of those campaigns already, c3’s shortcomings don’t worry or bother me enough to care too much. whether the plot “sucks” or it’s “too fast” is really not that deep to me bc i just love the show in whatever form they’re willing to give it to me. it’s still funny, emotional, well-acted, etc regardless, and that’s the reason i watch to begin with, which could be different for you! also i’ve made my peace with the fact that we probably won’t get a ton of character focus this campaign, and while that is disappointing, i think being realistic helped me be chill about it all.

for other people, it’s the opposite and they expect every campaign to be like the one they like and they throw a tantrum when it’s not. if people are content to do that, that’s on them! c3 might not be for you, or you could have more of an appreciation for it after watching the other campaigns. it seems like you’re going to keep talking yourself into not liking it, whether it’s true or not.

you could always try watching another campaign and take a break from c3 stuff? it might be helpful to engage in something else if you’re stuck in a spiral of searching for the negativity. and if you do end up hating c3, it’s not a big deal either. it’s the people who don’t shut the fuck up about hating it that are annoying as hell lmao

[ghoulangerlee]

Ohhhhh my god I feel you on this whole bc shot thing. I've been on it for a little over two years because I'm trans and getting my period was so bad for my emotional wellbeing I had to do something. I didn't wand an IUD, and I forget to take my medication a lot so the pill wasn't ideal. I was told by two different obgyns that they wouldn't consider removing the uterus becsuse at the time I was only 21 and ""What if you chsnge your mind!!!"" 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so I really dint have a whole lot of options.

On one hand I like not having to worry about the whole thing for 10/11 weeks at a time but on the other hand I also really like not having feeble bones! I've been taking calcium supplements but the pills are huge and I worry it isn't covering the issue entirely. I don't get enough calcium to begin with becsuse I can't drink milk and stuff, so I worry that it's a bandage on a knife wound so to speak.

Last time I was at the clinic for my shot I raised the issue again and the doctor there was like "wait you're literally trans and have no plans for children why the hell don't we just get rid of it????" And I'm just sitting there like why the fuck did the last two people I see not give me this option!?

Anyways I need to discuss the idea more with her but oh oh to get this fucking thing out of me....oh to dream....

Sorry rambling in your asks but this sucks and I sure hope we both get the cool fun and fresh resolution :)

oh my god anon, i feel you. i've been on it for...almost 5 years now? I think around August 2019 is when I started it finally. It was unfortunately the only option we could find for me. I actually can't have any bc that has actual estrogen in it because of my high blood pressure and the family history of blood clots. And like, at first it was fine and dandy! I was okay with it because after 7 weeks of a heavy cycle I was so exhausted and just ready for it to be over. And it's been gone! pretty regularly for the last several years.

Sometimes if I'm incredibly stressed it will sneak up on me but it's like, leagues better than it was. Max 3 days and barely anything at all. So, very manageable for someone who y'know. had it much worse (to the point it would cause my iron to drop significantly all the time).

I hate obgyns who refuse to do things because "you might regret it later on" like, no actually I think I'll regret having this thing inside my body I don't intend to use and having to stay on the shot for the rest of my life. I'm in a same-sex relationship, I don't ever intend to physically carry a child, I just want the thing gone lmao. I've told obgyns that in the past and yet they still insisted on telling me that I might "regret" it.

So, my surgeon did mention that viactiv is a good supplement, which is apparently a chocolate calcium chew haha. My biggest concern is that I have osteoarthritis and being over 30 now, my bone density doesn't come back as fast as it does for someone in their 20s. My doctor is also concerned about it too. I mean like also the weight gain is terrible too, like holy shit it's been the worst (strong ass bc, strong ass side effects I GUESS)

THOUGH APPARENTLY there is a bone density therapy that they can do which will help with keeping your bones strong. I didn't know about it and no one ever thought to mention it to me when they started talking about my bone density lmao. Normal Calcium supplements make me extremely nauseous and I can't take them, so I just stopped lmao.

And I think from there, that's when I sort of decided I wanted to look into getting rid of my uterus for good. Like, I don't plan to have kids, I don't need it. Why should I continue this shot, why should I keep putting myself through this.

Also, idk if you've experienced it, or if its just because I been on it for so long or if it's something else entirely, but in place of the period I just get cramps :) really bad ones :) it's great and what I've always wanted from bc haha.

honestly that's a good doctor, why haven't they suggested it sooner? Literally the surgeon I'm seeing is, ironically, the first obgyn I saw when I switched insurances and go to where I go now, and from the beginning she was like "you're in a monogamous same-sex relationship whenever you want the surgery we can just take care of that" and idk I wasn't in the right place then, I think, to consider it.

yeah it's a long process from my understanding, we're building a case right now, as my surgeon called it, gonna have some imaging stuff done, a few more tests and then we'll set the date and just. remove it. thankfully, no early menopause for me (ironically the One Thing i was most worried about?? I don't know, I've got so much going on, I didn't want to even consider dealing with menopause bc guess what the treatment for that is-- the same damn shot I'm trying to escape lmao) ANON!!! I wish the best for both of us!!! Let me know how things go!! (if you're comfortable!!)

[forcebookish]

reading your topmew takes makes me feel hopeful that not all people in this fandom are so... (idk how to put it kindly lol) focused on hating/bashing top as a character and/or topmew as a couple (if i have to see one more 'i skip their scenes/they don't have chemistry' post, i'll start blocking people haha). anyway, i love your blog and how much you love forcebook, i hope you have a great day! 💕💕

aaaa, thank you for loving my blog! and forcebook!! 🧡💙

you don't have to put it kindly, anon, i know i don't! and i'm not even anonymous lol fuck 'em. i strongly recommend you block those people, obviously they have no taste and their opinions are worthless💅

luckily, as loud as those idiots are, there are more of us than it seems! especially based on how many asks like this i get🥰 of course they could be the same three people haha, BUT i get a... not totally discouraging amount of notes on my topmew posts and i see more love than hate (but, again, i block a lot of blogs lol). despite tumblr suppressing the post, my topmew fic is still getting attention!

however, it is weird that i've seen so many people who don't necessarily hate topmew, but speak very... defensively about them if they have anything positive to say. "i don't care, i love them," "i fell for them," "sorry, they're actually cute," etc. i saw this shit about guncher too; i do not get BL fandom at all. wow, you like the lead couple in a BL drama. the lead couple you're... supposed to like and root for......

i'm just repeating myself but, ARE YOU NOT WATCHING BL??!??? IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE???

equally bizarre, i've seen a couple people say shit like, "don't cancel me but [positive thing about top]." like? you're going to get "canceled" for liking/defending the character who hasn't sexually assaulted someone, secretly recorded someone having sex, drove under the influence, or destroyed his own phone to steal a sex tape? because he *checks notes* is kind of smug/mean (yeah wow no other characters in this drama are like that🙄) and was tricked/coerced into sleeping with someone other than his boyfriend? everyone else gets to do whatever the hell they want no matter who they hurt or endanger, while top is being sexually harassed, assaulted, tricked into sex, beaten, and bullied? lol this fandom is so backwards. i'm not bashing anyone (ok i'm always bashing boston lmao), but top is so far the only one of the boys who hasn't done something COMPLETELY INSANE. he's actually a normie compared to everyone else lol if they just said that was why they don't like him, i'd shut up. i mean, ok i wouldn't, but i'd at least understand/respect it. instead they keep making stuff up or twisting scenes for their own convenience.

i have yet to see anyone who doesn't like topmew have a good reason - and i'm not talking about personal taste, these are complete misreadings of what is happening on screen. it's not even a matter of opinion, they're literally just wrong lol

and how can you not love forcebook? come on.

unrelatable *flips hair*

anyway, thanks for giving me the opportunity to rant! i hope you have a great day too, anon!💞💞

[dany36]

just finished the burning shores aND—

THEY DID IT. THEY FUCKING DID IT!!!!! GAYLOY IS REAL AND HERE TO STAY!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! I....ok, first, some thoughts about the dlc before i continue to scream about the obvious:

loved love love the new frog enemy. the bilegut?? at first i thought that those fly enemies (the ones that hatch from eggs lol i forget their names) were kinda cool but then i did the cauldron and like...when they all come in swarms at you? FUCK that lmao hated their asses so much.

i messed up the waterwing part where you have to dive to avoid the tower lasers haha i didn't make it to the end without my waterwing dying on me, but that part was pretty cool!

i already gushed over this but GILDUN!!! MY BOY GILDUN!!!! i was so happy to see him alive and well!!! i wish i hadn't spoiled myself the fact that he was gonna appear in the dlc but oh well, i still really enjoyed doing his sidequest :)

the horus fight was pretty intense, but the fight with walter was kinda lame lol. i mean i guess he can't really do too much to you since he's hooked up to the horus, but like...his last words to aloy before dying were also beyond pathetic. but well, i guess that's the zenith for ya, just a bunch of pathetic rich people.

ALVA!!!! MY GIRL ALVA OH MY GODDDDD i literally screamed when i saw her!!!! AND HER THEME SONG STARTED PLAYING LAKJSDFLAJKSDLFKJ I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! ;_; when are we gonna meet her girlfriend!!!! ahhhh she's so precious alskjdflakjdfljk

that fight with zeth or whatever?? freaking annoying!! i don't think i was fighting him right lol i kept trying to combo him but he would just beat the crap out of me and shoot me incessantly with that damn zenith weapon. was seyka supposed to help you distract him here? cus wow he just would NOT stop shooting at me, i used up like 4 large potions and almost all of my berries. i can't imagine how insane this fight must be in ultra hard!!

i really liked how they incorporated a "bandit camp" into the dlc!! but also that part where you infiltrate their camp after rescuing valea (i think that was her name) was so funny, i was trying to go the stealthy way but after she freed her comrades, she did a war cry and everyone just started attacking the enemy quen. amazing!!!

the epilogue with sylens and aloy telling him he'll always be alone...oof, kinda rough there, aloy!!! but i mean considering their history, it's only fair for her to act towards him like that...

i still have a couple of quests to go: the aerial viewpoints (got one), still missing one pangea figurine, and...well i guess i have to look around and completely explore to see if there are any more sidequests that will pop up, but idk i feel like in terms of sidecontent this dlc has a bit less than frozen wilds?? but i mean that's a minor complaint when...

SEYKA. holy shit. i already posted about this before but i seriously was not expecting this to go all the way fucking out with ALOY FUCKING KISSING HER AT THE END OF THE DLC!!!! OK i actually don't know if she kisses her regardless of which option you take or what the hell is going on there (i'll have to do some research...), but I chose the "Yes, I do" option because i think the other options didn't really align with what aloy had been mumbling to herself all throughout the DLC?? like the other options were "i'm not ready for this" and "this is too much for me" but like...GIRL....LITERALLY right before meeting her you were like "i'm not ready to say goodbye to her yet" and "she wants to meet me where we first met. there's nothing to be nervous about"??? this girl fucking fell HARD for seyka and it would have been silly for her to say anything other than "yes, i do". it broke my heart because WELLP THERE GOES HAWK AND THRUSH ALL DREAMS CRUSHED I SUPPOSE RIP TALANAH but like...damn, i guess there really was no way forward with that with the whole amadis BS that they did in the main game and with her still having feelings for amadis, huh? :( sighhhhh oh well!!! is it time now to board on to the next ship??

now, am i happy about the kiss and aloy having a crush on seyka? absolutely! but one thing that i'm NOT completely sure about is the chemistry. yeah yeah they're both very similar to each other, they kept pushing that throughout the entire DLC and about aloy being an outcast and comparing that to seyka, they're both capable warriors, and god how can seyka not fall for the girl that literally saved her sister's life and the rest of her tribe. that whole section in pangea park was pretty cute but, and i also already mentioned this before, up until the end it felt kind of one-sided to me. of course, i think that might be because we literally can only hear aloy's thoughts about this throughout the whole game, and i MAY have missed some seyka hints because i'm always oblivious as fuck when it comes to that kind of thing, but IDK. i mean yeah i like them together cus aloy obviously likes her and it was super cute seeing her be all nervous about it, cus i mean who wouldn't support aloy with whoever makes her feel like THAT??? so it looks like aloy/seyka will be endgame! unless something else happens in the third game, so i don't know!!! exciting to see where this relationship goes and how they will handle it and other romantic love shenanigans for aloy in the third game!

last thing i will say is that i watched that "Meet Seyka" video or whatever that pops up on the playstation home, and seyka's actress talks about how aloy has never met anyone like seyka before: i.e. another powerful warrior who is a women and is all badass and shit. and obviously i'm not blaming the actress for saying this at all, but immediately when i heard that i was like ummmmm talanah is right there lol. i really didn't want to think about seyka as a talanah 2.0 but well idk, i really hope we get to see talanah join the gang in the third game because it really would be a shame if they were to push aside the only carja team member from the first game when GOD the potential for her character is HUGE and i don't want to see it go to waste :( me saying this putting the whole aloy/talanah ship aside, talanah is just a really cool and interesting character despite that weirdass sidequest they gave her in forbidden west.

ANYWAY i think i'm just mindlessly ranting at this point, so overall i will say i enjoyed the DLC, LOVE WINS, GAY RIGHTS ETC and well, now to browse the tag and see what other folks are saying!!! :)

[wifegideonnav]

well i… finished act 5 act 2. gonna have to rewatch cascade a bunch of times and probably read the act summary on the wiki but i have officially reached the end of the act

still enjoying it a lot but it’s getting harder and harder to read. summing up a rant i gave my friend, i’m not super in love with the sense of predestined futility - or more accurately, i don’t feel that the narrative has properly addressed that yet and justified why i should be reading about these characters who were like 100x doomed from the start.

there are so many characters and so much happening that nothing is lingered upon, which is nice pacing-wise but not so nice emotional-impact-wise. i also think the “everybody dies a bajillion times and it’s fine until all of a sudden it’s not” thing works against it in a sense, especially when the narrative doesn’t stop to mourn anyone who’s actually dead, bc by the time you realize hey wait maybe like. vriska or dad or feferi/nepeta/equius etc are dead for real it’s been like 200+ pages and you’re like well ok. what do i do here exactly.

and i know that that’s an intentional choice hussie made for how he wanted to craft his narrative - im wishing for things that he deliberately chose not to give. im not trying to say that these choices are flaws in his writing, just that as an audience member i tend to prefer the tlt method of dealing with death, where one main character dies and then the entire next book is about another ripping herself apart because of it.

im not giving up by any means, or even saying that this is what’s dominating my reading experience. like i said im still enjoying myself and appreciate most of the creative decisions that hussie is making. it can just feel very draining i suppose, watching these characters i’ve come to care about - almost all of whom are literal children - fighting so hard so futilely, and so far, imo the narrative hasn’t paid that off. however, with that out of the way, here are (some of, bc this shit was long as hell) my thoughts on the act, more or less in order:

i have literally no interest in johnkat. probably partially bc my friend is so into davekat that ive been conditioned to just wait for that to happen but also bc they have no chemistry. sorry to any johnkat shippers out there but idc it’s boring

i have slightly more but still negligible interest in john/vriska. probably bc i… don’t really care about john. sorry to any john stans out there but idc he’s boring

karkat and terezi sharing a keyboard to argue my beloved

rose my beloved. but also. sweetie :/

vriska my beloved. but also. SWEETIE :/

kanaya my beloved. you’re doing great no notes

oh yeah dave and terezi manipulated the stock market. still don’t 100% understand that but whatever good for them

yeah ok the dream bubbles. christ. like ok i GET it but they’re still annoying

i love jade’s dynamic with karkat she really goes from “teehee im just a silly little girl haha” to “im going to eviscerate this motherfucker”

bec prototyping himself was genuinely such a good reveal

is it just me or is john's power like. way lamer than the other kids' lmao. like it's still cool, def better than nothing, but come on

not too much to say abt the exiles but i love them

also with all the fucking timeline bullshit that's going on i literally can't wait to reach the end and reread with the uhsc mod that lets you follow a specific person's timeline. i canNOT keep track of what's happening when for who

it is literally so funny that vriska has been the cause of jade's narcolepsy this entire time. like wow girl you really took the opportunity to be a massive dick to her huh

LET'S BE SANTA

frogs. ok sure. why not.

fuck doc scratch all my homies hate doc scratch. i will say though. he is a fantastic character.

holy shit eridan and gamzee snapping and killing like everyone. that was buckwild what the fuck. not gonna lie idc that equius is dead, and nepeta, feferi, and tavros were never my faves. but got damn it sucks that they're dead. (ostensibly. still not one thousand percent convinced)

sad karkat :(

murderous kanaya :D

WV "DRIVING" AHHHH

oh god the ancestors. sorry but i simply do not care about that shit. like i know that they're actually relevant but. :/

also i don't like the trope of chains of events being echoed across generations. like damn get your own plot. also it ties into that determinism and futility that i'm grappling with

i will say though. mindfang mentally thanking redglare for taking her arm because then her battle against his honorable tyranny because it made it "a fair fight"? hot. i'm brave enough to say it.

aradia is cool as fuck. i wish we got more of her/her personality

aradia's ancestor is also cool as fuck. sucks that literally nothing she did to resist her fate worked or mattered

the scratch stuff is genuinely interesting narratively/in terms of a plot device. again it still sucks that the beta kids aren't actually going to get to win the game themselves. like i assume they'll be talking to/guiding the alpha kids but like. god it's so unfairrr i bet there'll be angst about this

rose going grimdark is so fun. also LMAO john trying to chat with her in that flash game portion

TEREZI god i love her. sucks that she killed vriska tho bc i love her and also i ship them. oh well murder is not necessarily a roadblock to them getting together. troll romance sure is weird. i have hope in my heart.

vriska isn't dead forever bc no she isnt <3

the betty crocker shit. is funny. and also stupid as hell.

SAD KARKAT :((

ok i guess the stuff about karkat's ancestor and the history of the troll race is kinda interesting. whatever.

everyone's in love/hate with gamzee all of a sudden?? literally why. troll romance sure is FUCKING confusing

that was a pretty anticlimactic climax to the gamzee situation, gotta say

cascade was confusing as fuck i don't have thoughts on it yet

so yeah that's it! if you're still reading, why? let me know what your thoughts on act 5 act 2 were when you read it, or your thoughts on my thoughts lol. just pls no spoilers for anything past cascade!!

[betasuppe]

Why are you working yourself up so much over this blog? Is it your main source of income? Is it relevant to your survival in any shape or form? Do you really NEED it in your life to be happy? Is the validation you get through it so important? These are questions i keep asking myself a lot too. I don't want to give you any adivce on what to do with your blog, cause that is only up to you what you decide in the end. but maybe think about why this makes you feel so horrible cause it seems to happen a lot lately and its worrying.

Just... take care of yourself is what I'm trying to say 💖

Idk what's really wrong with me, man. But I appreciate you breaking it down like this to me. & uh. More stuff under the break. Please feel free to ignore, I just want to get this shit off my mind...

To be fair, I really don't have any sort of social life irl... at all. Here? This is basically the only place I'm actually able to be myself & my blog kinda turned into a huge vent station for me because I can't get out my thoughts or issues anywhere else haha

Then beyond my blog, my art dies in my sketchbooks. I don't have anyone to show my crap to. I don't have anyone to babble with about any of my fandoms or AUs. That's why this blog has become so much of an emotional struggle for me. I love it & I hate it both.

I know the hunt for neverending validation is toxic & impossible as hell, but it genuinely feels good to know I have anything of an audience for my silly content beyond me myself & I. No matter, I can barely even process compliments or positive responses while my insecurities are on an all time high lmao

But also, dont get me wrong! I'm very very grateful for the friends I've made here!... but true deep set lonesomeness can't be fixed so easily.

I just always feel like a nuisance. I don't think my work is any good at all & so any nice comments tend to ring hallow because... well, how could it mean anything really when all I see is my own ineptitude?

Anyways. I know I'm a pain in the ass & my mental health is a fucking roller coaster. I know leaving here long term would be healthy for my mental state but also. At what cost?

Sorry for the ramble. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I don't know. I'm just numb & hurting all at once. I'm sorry I'm like this.

[thelionshymnal]

end of year wrap up

it's that time of the year where i am going to say nice things about myself or ELSE. only i don't want to talk right now, so i'm going do this differently than usual because i make the rules. this is going behind a cut cause it's gonna be hella long and grossly self-indulgent lmao.

so here's the year in review, my friends. so far in 2022 i have posted 222,969 words. 36 fanfics across 4 fandoms.

two of those fandoms are new, so you know i'm over here gnashing my teeth about all my WIPs, but Y'KNOW WHAT. falling in love with something is a beautiful thing and i enjoyed the hell out of those brief, dizzying hyperfixations haha.

now then:

tie a ribbon 'round your fractured heart - FFVII - cloud/reno - teen All the furniture is still boxed up. Nothing has been added to the apartment. It pisses Cloud off, that Reno’s squandering this place. He throws the carpet onto the floor of the living room and asks, “Too fucking lazy or too stupid to put this shit together?”

“Too fucking busy, you piss stain,” Reno snarks back.

The asshole is smoking out the kitchen window, the smoke detector casing dangling down from the ceiling, all mangled wires and ill intentions. The coffee maker is brewing another pot. Reno looks pale and tired and irritated.

Cloud wants to drown him in his empty sink.

“What,” he asks, low and slow. “You looking for new victims? Rufus tired of playing shiny new hero already?”

Reno rolls his eyes. Hops off the counter and scrounges in a coffee canister. Comes up with more gil than last time. He flings it across the kitchen so that it litters the floor, and then he clambers back onto his counter and leans a shoulder out the open window, exhaling smoke. “Fuck off, dick breath,” he mutters, not so quiet Cloud can’t hear. “We’re fucking vigilantes, heroes are lame.”

beast of burden - genshin - ganyu character study - teen “I find her a necessary burden,” Ningguang interrupts, the low rasp of her voice very calm, almost serene. It is when she sounds the most dangerous, Ganyu thinks. “Captain Beidou is as integral a cog in the mechanism of our city, dear Ganyu, as you or myself. Where we must be beacons of light, of law and order, so too must there be those who can wade through the grime, set the snare in the demon’s den so that I might better hunt those who would harm us.”

Ganyu walks at Ningguang’s side.

One step, and then another.

She does not say: I am not your junior to be so lectured. She does not say: I have seen this ploy a hundred times over, and while it works I dislike it. I dislike the cunning cruelty, the subterfuge, but I understand the martial necessity of such tactics. She does not say: I hate Captain Beidou of the Crux, and damn your need for her!

Ganyu has walked beside countless Tianquans.

“Yes,” she says. “Of course, Ningguang. You’re right.”

you're too old to be this shy - genshin - beidou/ganyu - gen She had thought to thank Shenhe for her service.

Thought also to word it in such a way that she could extend her gratitude for protecting Beidou, when Ganyu had feared her own powers not enough to shield, without ever quite saying so. The urge feels foolish now. Small and afraid, weak and wanting. Better for Ganyu to have said it boldly, bravely: You protected more than you know. My heart is whole thanks to you. Thank you, thank you.

She could have said it, she realizes.

Shenhe would not have been bothered by it in the least.

keepsakes and promises, ch2 - genshin - beidou/ganyu - explicit “Please don’t make me keep a stash of personalised porn,” Ganyu whines. “Someone will find it in five centuries and declare it the historical find of the season and books will be written about it!”

“That could be fun. Maybe they’ll make a play about us! Then you could go watch us fall in love all over again.”

Ganyu is collapsed atop her, a weight that’s comforting for all it’s sticky and overheated. The room seems quiet without sex noises, and the floor is much harder beneath Beidou’s spine than it had been five minutes ago. But the thought of Ganyu sitting in an audience three, four, seven centuries from now, hiding a mortified blush behind her hands as she watches their love unfold on a stage, makes her smile.

i will lay own my heart - genshin - eula/amber - teen Amber’s face falls. She’s starting to shiver beneath her sodden layers. “Aw, did I gross you out, Eula? But I turned away in time!”

“Hush,” Eula says. “Despite the upbringing, I am no delusional noble woman determined to pretend normal bodily functions do not exist. Amber, you did not gross me out. Now, hurry and take off your clothes.”

It takes a second for the words to bounce back at her, and when they do Eula’s whole existence pauses, all functionality ceasing. Amber stares up at her with both brows raised high in surprise, but she doesn’t seem bothered. In fact, amusement is sparking in her eyes, twitching at the corners of her tempting mouth. “Eu-la,” she says. “Maybe a few more kisses first.”

“You are a scoundrel,” Eula declares, jolting back into her body, trying to smother her racing heart. She turns, goes to her wardrobe. Fumbles for any clothing that may suit Amber.

“Says the woman who told me to get naked.”

“Amber!”

starstruck - genshin - beidou/ganyu - teen Becoming a secretary isn’t at all what she’d ever imagined doing with her life, and getting the job had been more accidental than anything else, an offer she’d decided not to refuse. But she likes it. Likes the work, gruelling though it is, with a million different things to balance and people to navigate. Beidou likes solving problems; likes being relied on.

Hell, for as long as she can remember wanting a thing, Beidou has always wanted to be a hero to Liyue, just like Captain Ganyu is—simply by doing the work that needs doing.

“Is there anything I can do to convince you to stay?” Ganyu asks, looking earnest and hopeful.

With a task to focus on, the captain loses her flush. She still looks far too pretty, but also a lot more like the calm, collected, capable captain that Beidou has spied at a distance. Beidou’s heart skips a beat having all that prized attention on her. She licks her lips; shifts her weight from side to side, feet aching and brain circling and shit fuck damn, she sure hopes this isn’t actually a fever dream brought on by too much work.

“Well,” Beidou says. “I mean. Maybe you could buy me a drink.”

i want love to roll me over slowly - genshin - ganyu/beidou - explicit She came to terms with the breaking of her vow in quiet moments, looking out the window at the harbor, the way the waves churned up white foam when a storm blew through, electricity on the horizon. She accepted it when she bought a small collection of grape wine, the bulbous jars cradled in her palms until she secreted them away in a cupboard back home, along with some of Beidou’s favorite snacks and an extra canister of the tea she seemed to prefer. It was, perhaps, a little early to be doing such things, and in darker moments, when Ganyu was frayed along the edges in a way that made her feel sick, weary, utterly foolish, she worried if maybe she’d lost her chance—that the wind would never bring Beidou back to her, or that Beidou would finally reach the end of her persistence and patience, look elsewhere, leave Ganyu alone forever.

Sometimes, Ganyu stole sips of sweet wine and teased herself with too light touches, luxuriant strokes; drove her own mind to stillness with the ache of denial whenever the emptiness of her own bed gnawed at her.

Sometimes, Ganyu simply drank until she fell to unconsciousness.

The next day she would always replenish her stash, a little queasy and guilty with the shame of overindulgence, heartsore and anxious and frantic mind filling up with all the things she would do to Beidou if only given one more chance, until finally came the day The Alcor was sighted sailing into Guyun Stone Forest, half the Crux fleet straggling along like a school of fish to a shark.

as if it pictured grief - genshin - miko/ei - mature Seven more years pass, and in the interim Miko is lonely enough to join her own war: that of transforming Narukami Shrine into the grandest, holiest, and most lucrative of tourist attractions in all of Teyvat. It keeps her distracted most of the time, but the loneliness fails to abate. When she lost Saiguu, lost Chiyo, lost Sasayuri—when they all lost Makoto and innocence and the beautiful way things once were, Miko at least didn’t lose herself.

She thought at first it was because she was kitsune, her morals always a little left of center to most. Then she thought it was because she was strong, strong enough to stand against the tide of loss.

Now, she realizes it’s because she still had Ei.

nothing beautiful comes (without a fight) - genshin - shenhe/ganyu - explicit After her heat passes unfulfilled, what always lingers longest is the raw ache of her throat from screaming her agony, her betrayal.

She is screaming now, a battle roar of hungry bloodshed as she grapples with Ganyu, twists, kicks, evades. Evades—it seems an impossible thing, that Shenhe would be the one retreating. And yet Ganyu is always there a moment later, crowding her, catching her, touching her. She does not scream back. She does not threaten. She is quiet and quick and focused, relentless with her stern expression, those glittering eyes like a violet sky, pink on the horizon. Each blow is turned back, every tackle overturned; Shenhe throws herself again and again at this small, pretty thing, so delicate looking as to seem a doll.

But her alpha does not break.

Shenhe feels as if she is the toy, instead.

There are tears in her eyes, she realizes, as frustration chokes her, clouds her vision with brightness. The dark recedes. Her limbs grow clumsy, full of an ache and a want and weakness that she’s never quite felt like this. Ganyu wears her down; the rage, which Shenhe once thought bottomless, is emptying out.

i won't be falling on my knees to beg you - ofmd - ed/stede - explicit Within moments they are cheek to cheek, their feet shuffling back and forth between each other. Stede keeps humming even though he isn’t very good at it. Ed sighs; relaxes for what feels like the first time in his life. “I’ve missed you,” he admits in the exact same tone he’d told Stede he probably hates him.

“And I-”

“No, no, don’t stop the music,” Ed demands.

“-ah, very well,” Stede allows, and begins humming again. A little softer, a little sadder. It suits them better, Ed thinks, and feels his heart swell up, tender to the touch. He closes his eyes and loses himself in the warmth of Stede’s embrace. He says,

“There is nothing I fear more than you, Stede Bonnet.”

and there will be better days - ofmd - ed/stede - explicit Stede disappears below to get ready. He’s nervous; his hands jump from sword to shoe to errant curl, and he wishes very dearly he had a proper mirror to examine his teeth in for stray food, rather than a dented serving tray. But needs must, and Stede goes about girding himself for war with a single minded dedication that is all about how much he can’t fail here - he cannot sit on the side of his bed and bury his face in his shaking hands, weeping. He cannot stumble, he cannot fall, he cannot lose his nerve. How often has he wanted a thing only to be shot down, denied, spurned his advance?

So many, too many.

Until Edward, who had looked at him and laughed with delight, with wonder. Had said, “I like it,” and meant I like you. How terrifying it is, Stede thinks. The story books never really spell it out, do they? Or maybe Stede was so enamored of escape and glory he never paid attention to their warnings. But now he knows. Now he feels it. How fearful and uncertain a thing it is, to be so close to all you long for, your very heart’s desire, and to know that it is only you and you alone that may wreck it at the last.

A deep breath in; a deep breath out.

Stede slaps his palms against his cheeks until they are stinging. “Go and get your man,” he scolds himself.

i'll walk through walls into your heart - ofmd - ed/stede - teen Ed is tired of running, but he’s never had to figure out how to be brave about love before, not like this.

Slowly, the sun finishes sinking. Stede takes a dinghy from his stolen ship and rows alone to the sandy shore. Ed watches him through the window of the Revenge, cold glass and hot breath, ache in his too tight ribs. When he’s ashore, Stede stands alone against the darkness, lifts a lantern high and slides open the shutter, letting light spill out like a beacon.

Come back to me, Stede says.

Edward huffs. Pulls his feet up against the hard wooden bench. Folds his arms over his bent knees and stays there until morning, watching how that light blots out the stars. A warning; a beckons. Ed wants and Ed fears and in the end Ed can’t move at all, neither backwards nor forwards. Not yet. Not yet.

between your heart and mine - ofmd - ed/stede - explicit “It was already ruined. We seriously need to get you better clothes, man. I quite liked all the shiny stuff. And- yeah, well. Why use my own? I like your hands better than mine,” Ed says, and he’s thinking about how happy he is right now, how warm and good the whole morning has been. He’s thinking about the way Stede has been calling him my treasure and darling and love, and even more than that he’s thinking of the way Stede’s eyes had gone all dark and hungry when Ed told him he wanted a treasure hunt this last time, and-

Ed wants, and for once it’s not complicated at all.

“Really?” Stede is saying, all surprised. He flexes his hands out in front of him. A lance of sunlight catches across his knuckles. “You do? But- But they’re not elegant and thin like yours, dearest Ed. They’re not nearly so competent, either. Why, I’ve always thought they were a decent sort, but not much more than that.”

“I like them,” Ed says again.

“Mm, well. I’m glad to hear that. But ah, you’ve still got a bit of- a bit of dough, I think. There at the corner of your mouth.”

Ed hums. Smiles some more. “Yeah.”

well now, i did this chronologically starting from the beginning of the year, and i meant to force myself to get through every fic because tbh, i don't remember half of what i wrote by this point. but fuuuck this took a long time for exactly that reason haha.

glad i did it though (:

[bubble-masquerade]

I'm bored and can't get myself to work on any art so here's this.

I do have an idea for a rottmnt au, but have no idea if I'll do much with it. Guess it depends on how interested people will be. For now I want to get it out there cuz, personally, I think it's cool.

We're All Mad Here

It's based off my favorite fairytale, Alice In Wonderland with a splash of American Mcgee's Alice: Madness Returns. So, essentially it's going to be fun (at least for me) and dark. I love that game with all my heart, and I'm genuinely so sad we aren't getting a third instalment :( it's messed up what happened and I'm genuinely so sorry for the team.

For the cast. I had some ideas but unfortunately not every role has been filled.

First and foremost, out dear Alice. I immediately thought of the darling April O'Neil for this, hands down. I have some design ideas my head that I just haven't gotten down yet. So yes, it would've been April centric which (from what I've mostly seen) would be pretty different.

The Mad Hatter. Again, without even a thought, I thought of Michelangelo. We've all seen him. He can be absolutely unhinged. I wanted to use that to the absolute best of my ability and make an awesome character. And honestly he just gives me Mad Hatter energy, I can't really explain it.

The Cheshire Cat. This took a little bit of thought before I settled on Leonardo. So I would be going with, essentially, the blue version we got in the live action Alice In Wonderland movies and also the Alice: Madness game. Leo is cunning, a bit of a trickster. He fits with what I have in mind purrfectly... I'll see myself out.

The Queen Of Hearts/The Red Queen. I didn't really feel like I had to think much on this one, I went with Big Mama. Cuz like... Come on. Have you seen her??? Yes of course there's also her husband, the king, whose role would probably go to Splinter.

Of course there's still the remaining two brothers: Raphael and Donatello.

With Raph I thought at first to go with the March Hare/Thackery Earwicket. He's the best friend of the Mad Hatter, and of course, equally insane as him. But unfortunately I also thought of Donnie for this as well down the line. I love the Raph/Mikey and the Donnie/Mikey dynamics so much I wasn't sure which to choose. And I'd hate for either of them to get a minor part.

Of course there's also the Caterpillar, the White Queen and other characters to think about.

Why this?

Well..Why not? 🤷🏼 Honestly. And as I've stated prior, I feel in love with the story and concept when I was a kid. I watched the movies and fell in love even more. And with the game, it was the first one I really bought by myself haha. I felt so cool doing so. I saw it was an Alice inspired thing and immediately had to have it. Then I played it and my mind was blown.

The horror, psychological horror, the art style, the aspects of it... It holds near and dear to my heart still to this day. I mean, fucking hell I'm replaying it on my old PS3 (hang in there old girl don't catch on fire pls). I probably was a bit too young, considering the target audience of it, but still. I'm happy I was allowed to have that experience... No matter how buggy it was and still is 😅.

I think I mostly enjoyed the ability to escape into another world and be able to just... Leave this one for a while. I'm talking about the original story here lol.

Anyway one day I was just thinking and decided on this concept. I love the turtles and AIW. Putting those two concepts and medias together would definitely take a lot of time and planning but I pretty much have a basic layout of what I want. I just really need to have it physically wrote down lmao.

Everyone has such cool AUs and I kind of wanted to join in...? I know this probably won't blow up and get popular, and I'm okay with that. I just mostly enjoyed getting this idea out there. Trust me, I've had this in my pocket for a long while.

End Notes

I guess that's all for now. It's a very shitty basic layout but it's something that still took me a bit of thought. It's okay to ask questions if you like. Bye for now!

[sevenmothz]

Spent Friday to today playing Veilguard and honestly, I've been really enjoying it.

The overall story has me hooked, the lore drops have been fucking nuts (it was Solas/Mythal All Along lmao), the combat is pretty damn fun, and I've been really enjoying all of the companions.

That last one is new for me because there is usually always that one or two characters I cannot fucking stand (Oghren and Anders, for instance). Hell, in Inquisition, I was very ambivalent to a majority of the companions. Didn't love them, didn't hate them (which I'm sure half of that feeling can be blamed on the busted banter that never really got fixed). Cole, Dorian, and Cassandra were the three I tended to enjoy the most within that game.

This go around, I've really enjoyed mixing up my crew because I genuinely want to have each of them around and hear them talk to each other (bless the Maker the banter isn't busted in this game--in fact, I haven't run into any bugs in this playthrough so far [knock on wood]). On top of that, because of how the combat works, you're not forced to even out your party classes, lest your mage team gets fucking wiped out because you came across the wrong tanky enemy, or you get locked out of a room that's blocked off and needs a rogue or warrior to get in.

I think Taash is PROBABLY at the bottom of the list of characters I like most, and most of that is just they're young and kinda brash and stand-offish, and that character type doesn't always jive with me haha. Their Queer Journey(TM) story is kinda whatever (I've seen this story beat about a million times at this point--it's repetitive to me at this point ahaha), but at least it seems to be actually going somewhere and has had build-up. Like, I'm still invested in seeing the story through.

As much as I love Dorian, his personal story pretty much ended before it really began. You get the one quest about his dad doing a conversion therapy on him in the past via blood magic, and that's pretty much the meat of Dorian's story. Gaider really stumbled over that follow-up. What's worse is you can get that quest REALLY early on in the game, so it's long been history by the time you finish Inquisition.

But even with all that said about Taash's story, I still really enjoy bringing 'em along when I'm running all over the place.

As for my favorite companion? It's probably gotta be Emmrich, and that might be the bias talking because I opted to play as a Mourn Watcher and get lots of extra opportunities to nerd it up with him about being a necromancer haha. Being able to see how Nevarrans (minus Cassandra lmao) look at things like death and spirits has been really enjoyable. It's a nice change of pace after years of Andrastian characters with more strict ideals.

I know some people had complaints about how the companions don't really have any big conflicts with each other, but honestly, it feels right for the story that they're not at each other's throats. They're all professionals at what they do like the Inquisition team, but they have far bigger fish to fry and no armies and major connections to make up for their slack like the Inquisition crew did (and honestly, DAI didn't have much in the inter-group conflicts outside of some catty dialogue).

On top of that, they got to live with each other in a much more intimate way than the Inquisition group did. They basically live in a commune where you gotta get along or shit isn't going to get done.

Hawke's group were able to get away with being such godawful assholes to each other because for a majority of the years spent together, they didn't have the fate of the world on their shoulders. They just had their own personal issues to worry about (up until the qunari attacked and Anders did a terrorism).

Anyway, I wound up romancing Lucanis. I wasn't on the hype train for him, but then he went and batted those puppy eyes at Rook and I couldn't help myself lmao. Plus, I found I'd much rather romance Davrin with a dwarf anyway. Something about Wardens and dwarves man...does stuff to my brain.

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 12/17/2023:

re: all my love fic. for each of the boys, can you answer: what were their grades like? what were their favorite/least favorite subjects? which of them got in trouble a lot? also, could you please assign a plant/tree/flower to each of them? (sorry if this is so much)

OMG its not too much i LOVE associating and assigning characters to things (read: chapter one me assigning characters record players/cd players)

minhyung: straight As, typical overachieving asian cousin u get compared to. fav subject computer science. he hates history its boring af. also he hates biological and natural sciences like bio and chem but he LOVES physics. he barely got into trouble. tree: vine maple.

minseok: oh god he was a Bs-Cs student but also bc he didnt care all that much ASHHAFDJ. he got into trouble a lot for yelling or finishing fights with other kids picking on his friends. also got in trouble out of school with his MOM lmao. fav subject was english and art, though, and he hated anything stem with a burning fashion. flower: pink carnations. the fucking.. wedding.. didnt have any.. im mad at myself. but honestly red camellias too.!!

hyunjoon: solid Bs student. i imagine child hyunjoon as very.. average? not in a bad way, but i hope u can see what i mean in his child introduction at the start of chapter two. hes small. wooje doesnt notice him at first. hes subtle, like the moon. fav subject is history. least fav is math bc its tedious (not bc he cant do it). he got in trouble for not turning his things in on time, but other than that was a pretty good kid. plant: pacific bleeding heart. the white-pinkish ones. also, common yarrow.

wooje: ok his grades are all over the place. he places a c in math but gets an a in english (in middle school) but i imagine after that, in high school, he gets tutored and goes for straight As (ucla has an acceptance rate of 8.6% after all, and he got in with a full ride scholarship!!) fav subjects: english, linguistics electives and such. worst fav: math. he rarely got in trouble at school; he was a very quiet kid. mainly cus his home life. HAHA that being said he got in "trouble"/yelled at a lot at home... but he never did anything to deserve that. (oh god i made it angsty.) basically, his grandparents neglected him. when they didnt, he was getting blamed/yelled at. he was only big around the almost-family. for plants, i mostly associate him with the trees. any pacific northwest, washington native ones. and goatsbeard (!!) and ofc, spider plants :>

sanghyeok: when he was in school, straight As, AP classes, he really had a passion for learning but never could do anything with it. fav subject is math, least fav is probably ... none. he did NOT get into trouble, he was a good boy. flower: red rose.

seongwoong: yeah he dropped out. hes a hell of a good mechanic tho! plant: lady fern or oak fern. one of the ones with big fronds. also, blue columbine.

jojo: straight a student baby he graduated summa cum laude with honors bitch and got into ucla ..! fav is cs n anything stem. hates english he doesnt know what a noun is. he got into trouble all the time for skipping but his test scores and hw and work CLEARED so ain nobody could do anything to him (also hes rich). no plants. he kills them for fun. (but not woojes)