#lmao after 10 years i still suck at tags

[brebreth3bee]

This is doodle miku. Shes living her best 2d life

[highhhfiveee]

to save

(a bonus "to crumble" ficlet | this is to be read after to surrender; the entire collection is here: 🩹) pairing: mike schmidt x blackfem!reader summary: abby needs a savior. you come to the rescue.  wc: 4.2k tags: angst through and through mostly (some light violence, arguing, child neglect ): , drug and alcohol mentions, infertility mentions, angry feelings about a shitty situation [mike you suck]), fluff towards the end with reader and abby (: a/n: so, i hit 1k followers the other day (which thank you so much??? what a nuts accomplishment!!) and i'd decided a while back that this is what i wanted to give you all as a surprise, considering that a lot of you enjoyed the to crumble fics 🥹 this was originally supposed to be longer, but i may do a part 2 just because i didn’t want it to be super long and i wanted to finally put it out cause it's been overdue lmao. enjoy!

you'd been used to silence at night, but now, it was different.

before, the dead of night was peppered with stressful, anxious energy. you'd lay in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering how everything would manage to stay glued together. you begged yourself to dream instead of think. you'd wanted to be whisked away from the incessant, compulsive thoughts you had about work, home, your relationship; every second you could spend with your eyes closed, turning that silence into a fantasy you could almost taste, was better than being awake and facing your reality.

sleep had been your way to escape the quiet then, but these days, you enjoyed every second of it.

for the first few weeks of being away from mike and abby, you'd been unnerved by the still air of your parent's house. everything was calm and collected and unlike anything you'd experienced in the past two years, and you'd wanted to accept it with open arms, but your body held you back with a bit of apprehension.

everything felt so relaxed, but when would it blow up?

the thought had lingered in the back of your mind as you went about your life---another semester of school went by, and another birthday, grocery store trips, gas station visits, lunches with your parents and friends; soon, you're not thinking of anything going wrong ever again.

you were uncomfortable with peace at first, but now, you realized how invaluable it was. everyone deserved peace, and since you'd gotten yours, you hadn't wanted to let it go.

you were resting in this peace once more, curled up on the living room couch and leisurely clicking through your gradebook when it's shattered down the middle by ...baby one more time.

it was abby's ringtone, the one you'd selected specially for her. it would've filled you with glee, getting a call from your favorite girl, if it weren't for the fact that she never called. she was more comfortable with texts and emails and you respected that. you wanted to make this time in her life as serene as possible, and wrote her back once that phone calls will only be for emergencies then, okay?

it was 10:27 pm, and she should've been asleep, watched by max or whoever mike had hired as her babysitter now. you answer the phone after the second ring, closing your laptop. "is everythi---"

"y/n," she sobs, and suddenly you're fully alert, placing your computer on the couch cushions and shooting to your feet. "can you please come get me?" you don't hesitate to dash to your room and throw on clothes at her distressed tone, keeping your phone between your shoulder and cheek. your heart pounds, the sound wooshing through your skull.

still, you muster up the courage to ask, "abby, what's going on? are you okay, are you hurt? where's max?"

"she got into a-a fight with mike. she didn't come when s-she was supposed to, and mike was u-u-upset that she was gonna make him late for work. they had been yelling at each other so he left, and then max did too. i don't think she t-t-old him." you stop all of your movements at her hiccupping, squeezing your eyes shut.

"she just left you alone at the house?"

"y-yes, and i've been trying to call and text mike but he's n-not picking up."

you'd always known that mike put his phone on Do Not Disturb when he went to work, but that was before. that was when you were the one watching abby at night. you don't understand why he still keeps it on, and why abby's not able to bypass the setting.

"when did he leave?"

"l-like 30 minutes ago. max left like f-five ago."

"how many times did you call him?"

"eight."

you bite at your bottom lip as you fight to hold back tears. your hands ball into fists at the rage that you feel inside, hot and searing and aimed at the two adults that left an eleven-year-old unaccompanied.

"i want you to pack a bag with enough stuff for a couple of weeks, okay? i'm gonna come get you and you're gonna stay with me for a little."

abby's calmed down enough to say, "but isn't your parents' house too small?" without stuttering. it was, but that was irrelevant. in the grand scheme of everything, the amount of space didn't matter. you just wanted abby to be safe.

"doesn't matter, sweet girl. they'll understand, and we'll do all the fun stuff we used to do together. we're gonna do karaoke, and watch movies, a-and we can paint again. don't you miss that?"

you can hear abby nod, and when she sniffles, murmuring, "i miss it a lot," you're like an olympian sprinting to your car, cooing, "lock the front door and wait for me in your room, yeah? everything's going to be okay, abby, i promise."

you're throwing your car into gear like you drive for a living, speeding all the way across town. you'd be fearful for cops if the pure adrenaline of your past hadn't been coursing through your veins; you feel transported back to the days of rushing over to abby's school, sweeping her into your arms as she wailed about mike forgetting her day in and day out.

you were her savior then, and though you loved her beyond words, you'd never wanted to be that. when you'd left, you thought you'd finally shed that title, but here you were again. you'd wrap her up in your arms and she'd see that halo over your head again, thanking you for saving her from the common denominator in both of your problems; the one person that had roped you two back into this pattern.

you still do the wrapping when she runs into your arms in the foyer, of course, holding her so tight that you're afraid you might break her, and as you do, you take in her environment.

the house hadn't been in complete shambles like you'd expected, but it still wasn't anywhere near what it should've been. there were dishes piled in one side of the sink, surrounded by buzzing gnats, and clothes thrown all around the living room. none of them are abby's.

"max's been trying to help me clean, but mike just ruins our progress," abby sits next to her bags on the couch once you let her go, staring up at you with red-rimmed eyes that take you back to the day you left.

"help you clean?" you gripe, glaring at empty, sticky-looking cups and the heap of mail, mostly bills, on the dining table.

"mike..." abby drops her eyes down to her feet, picking a piece of skin off the edge of her thumb. "nothing really changed when you left." she continues on, telling you about how everything had gotten worse in the six months that you'd been gone.

mike had quit his other job and started locking himself in his room again. sometimes, he even forgot to take abby to school after work, despite her shouting and banging against the door to get him to do so.

after her failed attempts, she'd sit in her room all day, falling asleep in her fort after sobbing for hours upon hours, while mike showed up to the pickup lane of her school in the afternoon bleary-eyed and disheveled.

"mr. schmidt, abby was never dropped off."

he'd come back home to find her curled up and snoring under her tent; safe and sound in this strange way that should've disturbed him. it should've made his blood boil, anger directed towards himself when he realized that he'd just dreamtthat he'd taken her to school instead of tangibly doing it. it should've worried him that her school might pick up on that, and get higher powers involved.

with his latest cocktail, an ambien and a beer (or two), however, he felt nothing at all.

once he'd seen abby in her room, he'd closed the door and sent them back into the same cycle he'd created.

max had tried her best to take care of abby, but considering the fact that mike wasn't paying her anything, she couldn't always afford to help abby in the way she wanted and mike hadn't been much help. he'd always leave without a word when she showed up at night, and even when she'd begun taking abby to school in the mornings, he hadn't shown any gratitude. he'd only used it to feel better about his irresponsibility, feeling on top of the world when he dropped by abby's school and she was actually there to be picked up.

max's generosity had allowed mike to wholeheartedly slip back into his previous neglectful autopilot; he saw his duties as guardian done when food was in the fridge, toiletries were in the bathroom, and his sister was enclosed in the house, and that pissed you off to the highest degree.

you understood max's stance with fighting against him, but you wondered why abby had to be hurt in the process. she was just a child, someone that shouldn't have been brought in the middle of a petty squabble between two adults. max should've never left her alone, and you're desperate to chew her out as well.

"i think i might get kicked out of school too," abby solemnly tells you now as you throw her bags into the backseat of your car and buckle her up in the front. "i don't think he can afford it anymore. they pull him aside to talk every time he comes and gets me. 'just give me more time', he always says."

your eyes fill with tears again, and you let them fall. she was only eleven and deserved none of this. you were sure that if you had nothing to live for, you'd kill mike. you felt like there was no remedy for anything he'd done until he was gone, completely separate from you and abby in every way, shape, and form.

an idea that wouldn't land you life in prison formulates in your head, and it's this idea that propels you to freddy's, your hand smoothing down abby's flyaways as you drive with an aching heart.

"stay in here, okay?" you tell her once you've stopped the car in the desolate parking lot of mike's job. "lock the doors behind me."

"y/n, i'm sorry for not telling you anything about what was happening," she seems genuinely disappointed in herself, closing her own teary eyes. a single droplet cascades down her cheek and you caress it, placing a soft, forgiving kiss on her forehead. her emails and texts had made it seem like everything was okay, but you couldn't blame her for putting on a front.

you'd let go from them and she'd understood why. she didn't want to worry you about her and her brother, the brother who'd made you wear a smile while he dragged you through hell. none of that was her fault, but still; she was related to him and felt like a mess, a burden by association. "i didn't tell anyone because i was afraid they would send me away an---"

"it's okay, abby," you purr, opening your car door and sticking your leg out. "soon, you won't have to be afraid anymore. i'll make sure of it."

you remind her of your original instructions and she nods, clicking the electronic lock on the door panel as you march to the dated entrance of the pizzeria. you grit your teeth, bashing your balled fists on the door.

"open the fuck up, mike!" you scream, turning your flaming face towards the security camera as you continue your assault against the building. your hands prickle with the feeling of the solid glass on your skin but you push it aside, pounding as hard as you can. "mike! i swear to fucking god, open this fucking door!"

your throat is nearly raw from shouting for so long, and you begin kicking at the door when it finally swings open, and your feet and hands are connecting with mike's loose frame.

"y/n, what the fuck..." his speech is slurred, and it only angers you further. you don't stop your movements, smacking at his body with a fury you don't think you've ever felt in your entire life.

mike feels nothing of the sort. he barely feels anything, disoriented and numb from the drug-induced nap he'd been taking.

you'd been in his dream; shit, you'd been in them forever, but more so since the two of you had broken up. it felt like a part of his punishment for everything he'd done, though he thought that was the only way he'd ever see you again. he doesn't expect to feel the weight of your small fists beating against his chest, or that he'll have to wrangle his arms around your waist to stop your attack on him. you're still as beautiful as ever, so red-faced and irritated in your favorite sweats, but he knows it doesn't matter. it's just a thought, one that doesn't even work to deflect his attention from your violent efforts. "jesus christ, stop---hitti--"

"get the fuck off me, mike!" you screech, forcefully shoving your hands into the center of his chest. his arms around your waist made you feel dizzy once upon a time, but feeling them now, for any reason, makes you want to throw up, and you're nearly crying as he tightens them around you. "get off!"

"stop trying to beat the shit out of me, then!" he retorts, stumbling back as you push into him once more when he finally drops you. you're both staring at each other, your breaths labored and emotional, and you launch straight into your tirade, jamming a finger in mike's face.

"well, why don't you stop dragging me back into your life! max left abby at home alone and i was the only person who could help her, mike," he opens his mouth to tiredly protest, but you turn your finger into an entire hand, halting his words. "and before you say, 'well, she could've called me', she did. she called you eight times, but you didn't answer. abby would've been home by herself all night because of you and now, i have to be wrapped up in this again. was almost two years not enough?"

mike's slow mind begins to jog with the mention of abby being alone, but he's still slurring, sunken eyes dark in the low lighting of the vacant pizzeria. "y/n..."

"you're taking the ambien again, aren't you?"

he's licking his lips and letting out a deep sigh, his eyes fluttering to the ground. you begin to hiss, "tell me the truth" when he finally mutters, "i need it."

your laugh is sharp and bitter and aimed towards the sky, tears cresting your lash line again. "like you needed it then, too?"

you never thought you'd see mike again, or at least not so soon. it's saddening to you that your reunion is filled with such distress. you couldn't be happy to see him even if you tried, and that thought pricked at your body with the intensity of a million needles.

how pathetic, all that time you'd been together, all that love and affection reduced to anger pulsing in your heart.

"you're so hopeless, mike." the words sting your tongue, filling the air between you with bitter animosity, but both of you know it's not a lie. "i don't understand why you won't change; not even just for abby, or for me, but for yourself. this wasn't what this was supposed to be," you dig your teeth into the plushiness of your bottom lip as you weep on. "we alldeserve better than this. we were supposed to better our lives together."

"yeah, we were, and then you left."

you wrinkle your forehead irritably, snapping, "you don't get to use that against me. you know exactly why i left."

mike stares at you, grinding his molars together with a tight, clenched jaw. "that's also why i'm gonna take full custody of abby."

it's mike's turn to chuckle now, the sound rumbling through his chest and causing him to place his palm on his abdomen. he bends over slightly, rolling through the motions of an exaggerated belly laugh, and you cross your arms over your chest, straightening your posture. "this isn't some kind of joke. i'm serious, mike."

"yeah, okay, y/n." his groggy, nonchalant tone irritates you; it makes it impossible to not think about how he's probably like this at home, hiding away and drugging himself to sleep, ignoring the one person that needs him more than ever.

"you're in no position to take care of her! you get home from work and lock yourself in your room, forget to take your little sister to school, and ignore her calls when you're at work so you can sleep through your entire shift!" you hadn't yelled that intensely since you'd found out mike had cheated on you, and it didn't even feel good. there was nothing rewarding about it, and it made swallowing to soothe your throat more painful. "so i'm taking her far the fuck away from you. she's had it hard enough, and it's me, your aunt, or the state. i refuse for abby to have to grow up in an environment that's not safe for her, and you're going to have to deal with that."

you're giving him a tight smile, holding your shaky hands in surrender as you pace backwards towards the entrance. you shrug your shoulders at mike's expression, pinched and angry and pointed as you begin to push the main doors open.

“yeah, you wanna play mommy to my little sister cause you can’t have kids of your own?”

you freeze in place, painfully furrowing your eyebrows. there's a piercing ache in your stomach, the poke of mike's dig at you spreading to every nerve in your body.

something you'd revealed to him when you two had seriously talked about living together and settling down, all tearful and dreary and apologetic, now used against you like it had the weight of some kind of crime deserving life.

he'd held you that night, kissing your cheeks and comforting you, whispering, "you don't have anything to apologize for, baby. me, you, and abby can be a family."

you hadn't wanted to be some young parent, but you'd loved the idea of a support system and a place that was actuallyhome, the hub of everything family. you'd been raised in that and wanted to continue it, carrying on that closeness in your own time.

so many doctors visits had told you that it wouldn't be possible. you'd worked hard to accept it, and though it pained you every time thoughts of growing old and settling down swirled in your head, mike had helped you truly come to terms with it. "who knows what miracle could happen? even so, family can be created or chosen. we can build our family in so many ways, okay?"

you're back to freddy's as quickly as you drifted, wondering if mike had thought about the same memory as you after he'd let the words foolishly tumble from his mouth. his face reveals little, his hooded eyes looking to the dust-covered information board beside you.

mike was able to play both roles; he could be the sweet, gentle, affectionate type, but recently, if you provoked him in any way, he turned grating and cruel. you didn't understand him anymore. you hadn't in a long time, but in this particular moment, he's completely and totally lost on you.

in the past, he was asking why you hadn't left him, so guilty and ashamed and saying he didn't deserve you, but even after leaving, you'd gotten sucked back in, every single second in his presence a punch to the gut as he showed you exactly what he meant.

you're giving him room to say something, anything, maybe even apologize, but there's just silence that you can't enjoy. something you'd become so fond of begins to drive you up a wall, so you huff despairingly and mutter, “it's for her own good, mike.” before leaving.

accommodating your life for abby hadn't been on your bucket list, but you were surprised at how effortlessly you'd fallen into being her full-time caretaker again. you'd immediately sprung into action, letting abby inhabit your bedroom while you sorted everything out with your parents. they hadn't been overwhelmed with joy about the circumstances, as they'd never cared for mike much, but they don't judge you.

though what you're doing is big, they understand what you're doing it for. someone you'd do anything for, someone that you wanted to protect and nurture. you were willing to put it all on the line for abby's well-being, and they admired you for that.

they'd fortunately helped you get into a small apartment, one close to abby's school, and you'd gotten in contact with abby's aunt, pleading your case for custody to her with a highly-detailed portfolio over brunch.

she wasn't your favorite person, the stick up her ass unbearable at times, but you'd needed her to see you as competent enough to go through with transferring her petition for full responsibility of abby. you'd been nervous at first, but the massive amount of damning evidence and "shit-talking" on mike's behalf had been enough for her to see you as fit, in addition to your "stable, ordinary career".

though she'd been easy to win over, you hadn't expected mike to be as well after your encounter at freddy's. with the way he'd reacted when you broke the news, you'd thought you'd be arguing with him constantly, bickering about how he wasn't in a good enough spot to keep abby in his charge.

only that never happened, and you'd  let out a big sigh when you received signed documents in the mail, relinquishing all of his rights and privileges as abby's guardian. his name wass scribbled across the signature lines in thin, inky strokes, slanted and sloppy.

like everything regarding your connection, it was bittersweet. abby had even expressed the same sentiment when you'd picked her up from her newly-attended after school program. you'd told her aunt about her schooling, and she'd agreed to help pay for most of it considering that abby was in your care now.

"money won't go to waste now. i wanted mike to work for it, the lazy fool. i wasn't gonna let my money go down the drain with him."

you'd simply nodded at her confession, unsure of why all of the adults in abby's life had failed her. not paying for her school because of mike was idiotic to you, but you'd brushed it aside with the thought that she could finally be fully enriched now.

all of the new possibility, for both you and abby, rode on your shoulders, and though you'd been curious as to why you were the one chosen for this responsibility, you'd accepted it with open arms.

"y/n," abby's voice pulls you from your thoughts, and you're back to sitting at the small dinette in your new kitchen with her, lo mein weaved around your wooden chopsticks. the noodles slip when you jolt with a soft, "huh". her eyes are wide and inquisitive, and you close your own to recollect yourself. "are you okay?"

"yeah, i'm sorry. just thinking about...things."

"not about shrimp lo mein, i see," abby giggles deviously, reaching her hand into your container to snatch a shrimp. she pops it into her mouth with a hum as you gawk in fake disapproval, getting her back for a piece of her sesame chicken.

"and you're not thinking about sesame chicken, so take that," you retort, the both of you falling into hushed, familiar laughter that makes the rapid change of your life so worth it.

you'd taken a bit of time off from work to deal with constant meetings and court dates, and even though abby had already been staying with you during the entire case, you were now her appointed guardian and it felt unreal.

you'd seen how happy she'd gotten. it was like the old days, when you'd first met; she was so lively and joyous and curious then, and you'd been so thrilled to see that sparkle return to her eye with every trip to the children's museum, morning conversation on the ride to school, and dragged out bedtime story.

you knew that every signature, every eerie government building, every early morning and late night, everything----it had all gone into ensuring that abby had endless moments like that, and ones like the present; eating her favorite chinese food after finishing up homework and bathing, and giggling with you as she was reminded that she'd never have to worry about being taken care of ever again.

you couldn't let anyone down, especially not her. you'd taken the biggest risk to change her life, and in knowing that, savior didn't feel like such a heavy title.

now, it was freeing; to save didn't feel so crushing anymore.

"don't worry about my things," you stretch your arm across the vinyl table for her hand, brushing your thumb across her delicate skin with a warm, loving smile. "all that matters right now is that you're here with me, safe and cared for. that's a thing we can both think about."

(,: didn't think i'd write anything else for this au but they get me every time. how sweet. i hope you all enjoyed! thank you so much again for 1k, i love you all!!

faire's seedlings ✿

@leahdhopkins4321-@pyr0-kai-@angstywhore-@sunazroo-@nyxthoughtss-@mirophobic-@fayethor-@marixsimps-@regretfulme-@ithinkitszeph-@707xn-@cattt777-@violetta-ximena-@amnesia33-@topnerd03-@fastnights-@laprvphette-@savage-aespa-@mfdxz-@0-tatiana-0-@dusstory-@delwrites-@mikeschmidtgf-@jun1p3rlol-@xyzstar-@aquamarine001-@atrociouslybear-@ickleronniekinsemotionalrange

[wesslan]

20 questions for writers

thank you @adelfie for the tag<3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18! (and one hidden). i did not think it was that many??? thought it was 10 tops, lol

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

272,860

3. What fandoms do you write for?

batman, used to write some dsmp, but now im kinda eeh about it. i also (for some godforsaken reason) have a harry potter WIP thats been sitting in my docs for like two years that i kinda wanna finish, kinda not (jk r*wling suck my dick challenge)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

cards on the table

when in gotham: don’t drink the water

robin radio

o bury me not on the lone prairie

and their dreams they dreamed awake

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try!!!! the number overwhelms me sometimes, but i try to answer when i have the energy! :,)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh god, i mean… i pretty much only write happy/hopeful endings🤠 mayyyybe ‘you have (1) new message’? its not all the way angsty but it’s kind of?? angsty??

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

gee whizz buddy see above and take your pick, really

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i have gotten one (1) hate comment and i treasured it dearly until the person that posted it deleted it😭 other than that, nawt really. some people give unsolicited advice/critique, but thats about it

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope. not really my thing

10. Do you write crossovers?

again, not really my thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of! sure hope it stays that way

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yesss!!! so cool! they asked permission, and now my fic exists in a whole other language!!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and i think i’d be really awful at it. i cant say no to stuff, i cant keep deadlines, and i dont enjoy people being in the kitchen when i cook, so to speak

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

BAYBEY!! you KNOW i was a klance shipper first and a human second when i was like? 14? now tho? i’m shipping myself with sixteen hours of sleep and financial freedom. but also, deep in my heart,,,, charlie and carlisle from twilight. you could have been so beautiful.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

man at this point, who knows what i’ll finish. maybe instant repeater ‘99. i LOVE the concept and the world building. but also i kinda left the fandom,,,

16. What are your writing strengths?

people (including my interactive storytelling teacher) have told me im good at writing distinct characters/realistic dialogue! so i guess that! :,D

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

CONSISTENCY. finishing things. ending up hating what i’ve written like 3 months after it’s done.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

well,,, that’s what i always do. english is another language to me! cop out answer, lmao. but other than that, i guess i could be persuaded to write a few lines in spanish here and there. did study it for 7 years, after all.

overall, i thinks it pretty cool! as long as there is an ez translation somewhere, easy to understand without a translation, or if it’s not done in a way that bi/multilinguals absolutely would not speak B)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh god. percy jackson. it’s still out there somewhere. i forgot my username and password so i’ll prolly never find it (thank god) but yeah. it was solangelo bc i was closeted and emo.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

probably ‘mothman is real and he wants to kill me’. i had a lot of fun with it! i also really like ‘*cocks gun* manor’s haunted’ just because i based it off of the haunting of hill house which is like, one of the best books ever.

that was fun!!! thanks again for the tag! <3 i’m tagging whoever wants to do this, and also (no pressure) @quotidian-oblivion

puss å kram, skumbanan!!❤️

[koskela-knights]

It's Alan Wake 2's first anniversary damn....

I played the first game back in like 2018 or 2019 for a school assignment and am familiar with Remedy through PoTF instead of the other way around (many people who got to know the band through Max Payne 2 ofc)

Honestly, I didn't expect AW 2 to become such a hyperfixation but here I still am. My creativity regarding the game has decreased significantly and so have my posts but I still think about the Koskelas almost daily lmao.

(More of a vent and lament beneath the cut lol)

But to end a positive note, AW2 did incite my creativity again. So much, that in less than a year, I've written almost as much AW fics as potf fics which spans multiple years lmao

Plus, it made me fill over 10 sketchbooks, maybe another record in my fandom eras. LIke many others in the fandom, did AW2 lift my artist's block. For that, and some friends I made along the way I'm definitely grateful.

Hopefully, there's a day my pc or my console can run AW2 properly so I can actually experience the game itself.

I briefly browsed the Alan Wake tag as AW2 was about to come out and found there wasn't much of a fandom presence as there is now.

I think I came into the (awaking lol) fandom somewhat naive? Legit thought Ilmo would be more popular and thirsted after but boy was I fucking wrong.

Sadly I cannot fully share the sentiment of other fans and their sense of a family. I've ranted and vented about it multiple times before but I felt that majorly becos of my focus on unpopular characters, I kinda fell out of the fandom boat. Besides, my art style not being interesting/pleasing or whatever it was that kept and keeps notes low. I don't create just for notes, but I wish that my Koskela love could've reached more people and there could've been more interactions with other fans but often bumped into dead ends :P And in a way it just sucks that your works specifically don't get interacted with (versus others' similar works)

Also, I couldn't help but notice Remedy's own favouritism and how they don't promote some characters, even Saga who is a dual protagonist but oh well.

After the first months of hyperfixation and overdrive in drawing art and writing fics wore off, did I start to notice that clique vibe.

In that regard, I'm trying to just focus on the handful of contacts I have with some people and cherishing those friendships instead of trying to 'break into the circle' or get noticed 😂

--

[fonulyn]

20 Questions for Fic Authors

thanks for the tag @thebrandywine 💖

answers under the cut.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

268 works.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

1,256,253 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

RE. and still have the urge to write Gears but lol if you thought nivannedy was a rare pair...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

nobody's perfect (TOG, pretty gen)

now drunk on lust I drown in you (forever within I'm lost in you) (RE, Chreon)

and who's to find the way right through you (RE, Chreon)

scattered fragments of time (that's all we are) (RE, Chreon)

how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (RE, Piers-centric, also background Chreon)

5. Do you respond to comments?

always! i know i missed a couple, sometimes i take ages, but i do always try to respond bc i love and cherish nice comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the bad endings on three words to last forever. i still like the angstiest one the most :'D

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

lmao like everything else idk i want them happy. i've written loads of fluff idk how to quantify which is the happiest.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

only ever got a few nasty comments thankfully, so no, not really.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

yeppp. idk what does 'which kind' mean? anything that feels inspiring lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

not really. i did start a few back in the day but i didn't really finish them. i am not really into crossovers tbh i don't even read them 99% of the time.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yeah. someone was selling it on amazon pffth.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

a few. apparently five on ao3 lol but i think there was one or two back in the lj days too. might be wrong tho :'D

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

lol loads. at one point in life like... fifteen years ago, most things i wrote were co-written with a friend. and i've done it a couple of times after that too. i really like co-op stuff tbh but haven't found people to collab with lately.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

right now i would sell my soul for nivannedy. might already have.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ehhhh at this moment i doubt i'll ever finish anything. maybe the lifeguard au? i was red-hot for the idea at first but then it kinda... fizzled out. kept changing. got ruined by pushy ppl lol. but maybe i'll get back to it one day bc i would love a nivannedy summer romance tbh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

uhm. characterization. dialogue. emotional shit? idk i think i do best when i have intimate moments with two people. tiny everyday moments and mundane shit. like that. if i get going writing sometimes flows super well and i think i can get consistently readable stuff done in one go. but that'd require getting going lol.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action. i suck at action. i also suck at it in the way that i can't actually make myself start writing. i got way too co-dependent when i still had people excitedly participating in the process and now i sit here sad doing nothing :'D but anyway. writing action and having some self-discipline lol.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

depends very heavily on the context. in general i do think it should be all in one language for readability but there are exceptions. i've done it too lol but it was only like a line or two in finnish :'D

19. First fandom you wrote for?

diru, twenty years ago lmao, it's like a different lifetime. i only learned of the existence of fanfic at the ripe old age of nineteen lol but yeah it's still been so long now.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

asdjfngkn i can not choose between all of my children c'mon. uhm. am just gonna say the self-indulgent series bc it truly was so important to me for so long and i'm still devastated it ended. sigh. now i made myself sad again :'D

[sunfortune]

ok maybe i’m jumping the gun bcos i’m only halfway-ish through hellbent, but! as much as i love the dynamic between darlingstern and as much as they are both developed as characters, i feel like there was no development between the two of them? there’s no scene or chapter that makes me go, “oh that’s why they���re so insane abt the other,” and i keep expecting a flashback to happen to explain it. the crystal smashing scene was cute but i don’t see how it makes alex become obsessed w saving darlington or how it makes darlington consistently reach out to her when he’s in hell. am i going crazy i feel like i’m missing something. the mutual obsession is 10/10 but it’s like. Why are they mutually obsessed with each other

i thought that too which is why i thought they were like no way near being in a romantic relationship after ninth house. and after i went in the tag and people were writing ninth house fic where they just get together. i was like nooooo! they are not ready for that

and when leigh bardugo was like i wanna write like ten books for this series i was like yeah!! bc they NEED to be like scully and mulder and be in an insane codependent workplace relationship for like ten million years before they get anywhere romantically

until she changed her mind and made it a trilogy so then the trajectory of it changed in book 2.

but i do get why alex was trying to get him back in the beginning. it wasn’t necessarily romantic. he was her friend but also she feels guilt for her hesitation when he got sucked in after figuring out the ground zero stuff. and then the intrigue of no one being able to figure out what the hell happened to him added to the obsession.

and then the whole reveal of how if HE was disposable to lethe how much do they really care about her. it’s codependent coworkers

i didn’t get why he was also insane. until they gave his backstory and he was just as lonely and neglected as her despite the polished veneer of him. so like i GET why they latched onto each other (they litchrally have no one else who’s in the same boat) but i also think it’s true they need sooooo much more until a romance between them would actually hit.

but i do think at the end of book 2 they are in a new place entirely bc their standing changes a lot. this dream was lowkey foreshadowing of where they are at the end of book 2 too: it’s not the same

i think part of it is just classic codependent coworkers situation which then warps considerably after alex literally went to hell to get him out. like they’re still very much coworkers despite all that. so now it’s weird lmao. and it’s really hard to be casual about it. even tho alex is very much trying.

but yeah i also think they are not there romantically yet but they are also insane so it kind of doesn’t matter bc the devotion isn’t romantic. i need them to keep being insane. and with how much book 2 changed the trajectory i think book 3 can pull through if done well. but who knows. here’s hoping <3

[opiazapine]

15 q’s 15 frensZ

tagged by @pierochan

1. are u named after anybody?

Not to my knowledge

2. when was the last time you cried?

It happens sometimes when I wake up for seemingly no reason so probably few days ago?

3. do you have kids?

One and done 👀

4. what sports do u play/have u played?

I was that kid in sports. Did gymnastics, soccer, tennis, competitive swimming, softball, karate, ballet... I'll still play tennis even tho I have no idea how to do it "properly" anymore it's just fun to hit the ball.

5. do u use sarcasm?

Hardly ever

6. what is the first thing u notice about ppl?

Online: What stuff they're into, if we have any shared interests, etc. IRL: How much of a potential threat they are. Don't know how to turn this function of PTSD off but it's saved my ass more than once so...?

7. what’s ur eye color?

Brown but not black brown and not hazel brown either. Like a red chestnut color 😊 I came to like my eyes

8. scary movies or happy endings?

I could do both TBH the plot matters the most to me. I like happy endings but I don't think a story needs one necessarily to be good. Sorry for wannabe critic ranting..

9. any talents?

According to others I can write and also draw (but I kind of suck at the last one so IDK if that really counts?)

10. where were u born?

BAKO in Central Cali if u know u know!!!!

11. what are your hobbies?

Anime and Manga. Foreign / Indie / Obscure / Classic films, & documentaries. Walking... yeah. Swimming in the ocean. Eating a dish I've never tasted before.

12. do u have any pets?

No but it would be awesome to have a chicken one day. Love those guys. I also love pigeons

13. how tall are u?

5ft3

14. fav subject in school?

To be clear I was a high-school drop out in freshman year. But before it was history class.

15. dream job?

Working in a cold warehouse packing produce is one. Working back of house in a small restaurant. Processing prepackaged food. Cleaning for the SoFi Stadium or Dodgers. Most unrealistic? Being a TSA agent. I did customer service long enough I want a job where I get to do the yelling. Lmao

Thanks for tagging sorry I'm so bad at this 😅 but I'm glad someone thought of me. I'm antisocial asf so don't know who to tag again I am so sorry but anybody mutual w me I'd love to read yours. Tagging (if it's ok..)

@ramlamb3 @darlingdeadbydisconnect @sativasaruh @nek0hime13 @suqqubus @conejita666 @cherub-pixie @vergilsguccibelt @atticmoth @shonenknife @r0tt3n-ch3rry

[seaofreverie]

9 people I want to get to know better, thanks for the tag @carcarrot !!

last song: The Ghost Of Liberace, I was listening to the playlist I made of my top 10 fav Sparks songs last evening and thinking to myself "oh my freaking god these songs are so good, how on earth" (not a very surprising outcome of listening to one's favourite songs). And THEN I feel asleep actually so I don't remember actually listening to this one but I know it was the last one on the playlist

favorite color: I famously like to say that I love all colors (because I really do) but having to choose. Hmmm. Maybe some vivid shade of blue or this one kind of pale red or some shade of purple. I'm also a big fan of lots of different shades of pink in general. And also the combination of very soft and pastely yellow and pink, because I remember those were my favourite colors as a very small child and now, in big part for that reason, I like putting that colour combo in different things (like my arts)

currently watching: nothing >:[ I'm not much of a movies / tv shows person in general but I hope to change it at some point, my main problem at the moment though is that I just can't fit anything more in my current daily schedule because I've already been putting of things like reading and finally getting to all kinds of different things for months and months, and it's just ugggghhhh, there's never enough time for anything!!! But I just suck at time management at the moment so, one day hopefully. I want to say I will happily accept any recommendations but 1) I don't even know what I want to watch (because I never watch anything and don't know what I'd like lmao) 2) the problem described above

sweet/savory/spicy: savory maayyybbeee, but sweet is also important and something I crave quite often. So I think a balanced dose of both is what I need in my day to day life. I can mostly do without spicy though

currently playing: not a huge gamer (besides a couple of very specific game phases I had in the years past), but recently I've been playing a bunch of Super Mario type games because forgetting all my worries and booting up my Switch and leveling up my skills in platformers and racing games has been my favourite and almost foolproof, go-to way of relaxing this whole summer. Special shoutout to Mario Kart 8 for bringing our entire family together and letting me have one (1) video game thing I can safely say I have surpassed my borther in after just a couple hours of practice so it's like haha, I always lost in racing games and now I can win each time effortlessly >:]]], all thanks to having nothing better to do for several hours a day for many days. And yet more actively I want to say that I've been playing the Klonoa games (those two original platformers that got remastered) but I forgot about them and I'm pretty sure I actually haven't played them since January? Lmao (I forget about everything these days, but especially games. Fun fact: it took me almost 3 years to finish Undertale back in the day. Because I'd forget about it for several months at a time)

current obsession: Sparks unchangingly for this entire past year, and while the obsession never wanes it still has its slightly more and less intense periods, and these last couple of weeks have definitely been on the intense end of the scale. Nothing but Sparks on the brain this whole summer lol (and I welcome that fact with much happiness)

I think many people who I wanted to tag have already been tagged so uhhhh, open tags this time!! You can say you were tagged by me if you want to ^^

[simplylove101]

FANFIC TAGGING GAME

I got tagged by my lovely bestie @backtothestart02. Thanks for thinking of me, hun. <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? - 11 (and at least 4 on ff.net, though I had a few I deleted as well, including my longest story on there out of embarrassment lol)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

168, 530 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

On Ao3, it was strictly Gertchase from Runaways (Marvel) but I've also written for Gossip Girl & Harry Potter as well.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Most of them are my earlier stuff but there's one that was more recent that people seemed to like my take on a scene. 1. A Place Isn't Home - it's my baby, my first dip into writing fic in YEARS & for a ship that I'd only just gotten into. I put a lot prep & care into it beforehand so I'll always be proud of it considering it's centered around one trope - sharing a bed. lol 2. Lost Moments - doesn't surprise me now since there were lots of missed opportunities for good Gertchase content in S2 so I just had to do a missing moments fic for them 3. Over & Over Again - inspired by the Runaways promo team releasing the first few minutes of S3 before the season dropped & gave me the opportunity to write in Chase's pov which I love since it's easy for me. 4. Maybe I'm Falling - based on the teased bed talk with Gertchase before S2 dropped (which is still a cute scene) but I kinda prefer my version lol And 5. It's Your Call - my two different takes on Gertchase's S2 kiss scene written right after the trailer had been released. And guess what? Neither one was at all like what we got. lmao

5. Do you respond to comments?

Most of the time. Considering kudos are usually the only way I know if people are liking a fic by me, getting any comments on one is kinda a big deal to me cuz I love getting them. lmao

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Angstiest ending... Well, even when I write angst, there's generally some kinda hope since I like to write angst with a purpose even if it cuts hard. But since you were my home but now i'm (so) lost is about Future Chase reflecting on Gert's death & deciding to save her, I guess that's the automatic answer. But also, Lost Moments technically since it ends with Gert deciding to get over Chase after his betrayal (I was proud of that chapter tbh)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ummm, basically the majority of them are happy like I said. lol Maybe I'm Falling is the purest tho since the whole thing is fluffy. hell was the journey but it brought me heaven was pretty cute too imo.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not on Ao3 since like I said, I hardly get comments as it is. But on ff.net... Trust me, I got some flames. It wasn't pretty. lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Before I wrote love doesn't know what distance is, the answer would have been a hard no. Mostly because I would always chicken out before I even got started. lol Somehow I convinced myself to get it a proper try on that fic and I didn't hate it??? Do I think I'm the best at it? Still no. But I'm not as scared now. It's pretty basic but at least I did it. lol

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not with my Gertchase fics cuz I suck at that kinda thing but during my Harry Potter days I used to experiment with AU ideas that never went too far before I deleted them. I remember I was gonna use a Real World (yes, the reality show lol) concept for a Harry/Ginny fic that never made it passed Chap 1. lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oh, this is so hard these days because younger me would always say Chuck/Blair and they are still up there.... I think Cole/Cassie from 12 Monkeys might be my most epic ship tho, despite me never having written for them before (I wouldn't know where to start tbh) And my heart will always belong to Ron/Hermione too. I love Gertchase but at the end of the day they might actually be more of a top 10 ship for me, I just am able to be inspired to write for them.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The ultimate WIP for Gertchase for me is a post-canon fic that initially was gonna be just a simple proposal but then I wanted to include other stuff like Gert getting pregnant, etc. so it could be a mini fic. But I've just never written it because of lost inspiration (the real life drama of the cast did kinda taint the show a bit at one point but also, the fandom's pretty dead too) That said, never say never. Maybe one day I'll do it. There's scenes I had written for it that I still have somewhere so it's possible. We'll see. lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. lol I know it is because that's how I start writing my fics. I tend to write scenes out like a script first because it's how I'm able to start visualizing the rest of it. Rarely does a fic of mine not start with a quote or at least a train thought by a character. I also like to think that when I do write angst I'm not afraid to go for the jugular so to speak because it's meant to hurt BUT I do always want it to have a purpose and move the story along. Also, apparently when I'm really feeling a chapter I'm not afraid to have a big word count. I can't help it. lol

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The actual writing process. lol It doesn't always come naturally to me. I don't usually write anything all in one go unless I'm truly feeling it. Also, descriptive stuff. There's a reason why dialogue is my strength. It's writing around all that I struggle with a lot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Um, it's intimidating. lol I did consider doing it a few times because Gert is fluent in Spanish & she was supposed to tutor Chase for it so I always thought it would be fun to tease that in a fic or two but never did. I don't want to get the translation wrong.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. Because I was obsessed with Ron/Hermione. And yet if you looked at my old ff.net account you'd assume it was Harry/Ginny because I deleted all my RHr related fics. lol

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Omg, the hardest question. lol Most of them are all my bbs for different reasons. I do think my mini The College Woes trilogy is some of my strongest work to date tho because all of that is pure me going for it since it's all post-canon. I did research and had fun with the process.

Anyway, I don't really have anyone to tag myself because I don't know who follows me and wants to answer these questions but hey, if you write fic and see this, consider yourself tagged! Also, even tho I haven't written in a while & might never again in the foreseeable future, if you like Gertchase, my A03 account is When_the_Day_Met_Night21 :)

[da3drat]

20 questions for writers

tysm @wispstalk for tagging me! :D tagging back @ghoulingcooper as always but I thinkkkk everyone else has been tagged already. Questions under the cut~

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Three

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3,413

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just elder scrolls so far, though I do have ideas for a palia fic floating around.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

lol. my top one is In the End, the World Still Turns. Which doesn't surprise me bc it's my only Oblivion fic.

5. Do you respond to comments?

YES sometimes it takes me a while to get around to it though because I have the memory of a goldfish

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Not Dead (Yet) will definitely have the angstiest ending when we finally get there. We love tragedy in this house.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhh none? lets go with none of them.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope ! <3 I love you elder scrolls fandom

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nah. frankly I don't think I would be any good at it so I prefer to just allude to sex and leave off right before or pick up right after. also to be real with you I'm still getting over my just came out of the closet lesbian repression. so maybe we'll get there eventually.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

My one Palia fic would be an Oblivion crossover! But idk if it will ever actually get written. The plot and lore in Palia interest me and I really think the effect they and the setting have on Celeste is interesting but I have so much Elder Scrolls fic I want to write that I just don't know if it'll ever be at the top of my to write list. Not to mention my personal project.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No and tbh I don't have the readership numbers to be worried about that lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also no!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

noooo but I have co planned a LOT of them with Cat even if they haven't been written. s2g they will someday.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I mean I think we all know its Ayem/Nerevarine lol. I think it shines a really interesting light on Almalexia and gives you the opportunity to dig into her character. It also implies an interesting Nerevarine (imo not to toot my own horn here lol) because it requires them to understand the danger of meeting someone who quite literally murdered you in a previous life and then still show them vulnerability and compassion. Idk shipping is sort of an exercise in character analysis to me, and I like what the Nerevarine can draw out of Almalexia and vice versa. With Meri and Almalexia specifically they're two chronic liars who meet someone that knows their tells and that's the closest to honesty they can get. And that breeds an interesting form of codependency. Having one person in the entire world who can see you for who you are no matter how hard you try to hide it, and then accepts and even loves that person even though they objectively kind of suck lol.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Don't have any atm! My only wip is Not Dead (Yet) and I'm so fucking determined to finish this even if it takes me years.

16. What are your writing strengths?

fuck if I know. I haven't been doing this long enough to have any real idea about it I'm just kind of throwing shit at the page and hoping for the best. I like to believe it's my character work.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

THIS one I could give u a list a mile long lmao but I will say I think I show my hand too early and I tend to lack subtlety. Working on that quite deliberately rn.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I mostly throw in bits and pieces for emotional effect. Terms of endearment and the like. I know basically nothing about linguistics or being bilingual so I feel like I would want to a lot of serious research before I tried anything more serious than tossing a few dunmeri cuss words or velothi nicknames into a fic lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

um. supernatural.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

NOT DEAD YET. NOT DEAD YETTTTTTT. it's the first multi-chapter project I've ever attempted and also I care so much about this story and these characters that it's really motivating me to try to improve my work every single time I sit down to write.<3

[brebreth3bee]

Cynthia. No context

[dangerous-advantage]

(yagi-no-eda here~)

Totally would circle back /pos. I’m also pretty new to the fandom!

My wife has liked Usagi Yojimbo and associated stuff for years but it’s only this summer that my brain has allowed me to really get into it, and make it past the first 2-3 comics. Not for lack of trying - it was just never the right time in an ADHD way*. Something always would distract me. I’ve inhaled all the comics I can in just the last couple of months and yeah, Stan came at me with a steel chair too. I did not expect …this whole situation. I’ve been a fandom lurker since 1999 and yet suddenly I have blog I use near daily, a sketchbook, and bunch of fic WIPS...

Mainly because I am Unwell over UY.

I have accepted my fate. This is always going to be a Thing now.

Though I did admittedly also inhale TMNT 2003 and Rise.

Travels with Jotaro is one of my favourite volumes, but I’m also weirdly into Bridge of Death rn and just….in general having a moment over Usagi’s time with Mifune. To the point I’m doodling intros for a fake show called The Mifune Years. He had this whole expected future and friends - denied.

* to be fair this is also the summer I found out its def ADHD driving this media analysis machine I call a brain

Hope this was an okay way to get back to you! /lil anxious

Feel free to network (or share thoughts) in my tags anytime, I love hearing what other people think. Also happy to chat anytime. Or feel free to tell me to back off and that's chill too :)

(been waiting to answer this for when i had more time but gave in; should be working on my fic(s) but you know how it is lmao. stay tuned for a very long post, because i love talking about things with people, especially things i like haha

very cool to see another person very passionate about this series! i grew up on 2003 (and the 90's movies-- my parents had the third one on cassette and i remember i wore that fucker out lmao) but it was always more of a "scattered interest" rather than something i was fully pulled into

i started getting into rise (read: The Algorithm came for me) probably mid-July of last year, but didn't fully fall into it until after the movie came out. it renewed my interest in tmnt overall, and i've been here ever since!

i did attempt to watch the usagi chronicles a couple of times, and i remember thinking they were fun but not really my thing. (i definitely want to revisit it, even though i know it won't hold a candle to usagi yojimbo. it does look fun in a silly way, which i can get behind.)

i knew vaguely about how big usagi yojimbo was, and that it was a commitment, but i'm surprised how quickly it sucked me in. i've never been super interested in stuff within the genre, but damn if it doesn't satisfy the autism. entire chapters devoted to infodumping about the edo period of japan? sign me the fuck up!

i especially did not expect how much it would make me feel. like. wow. ouch. usagi is just Some Guy but he is also so well characterized and you really feel for his internal conflict, 10/10.

i've been looking for series with older protagonists, especially those more focused on the familial/platonic aspect rather than romantic (i am just an nd queer on the interweb, can you blame me for yearning for found family?), but hadn't found any i really liked other than the tarot sequence by kd edwards (very good read, would highly recommend.)

also not to be a nerd but ohhhh my god i am so obsessed with the plot with mifune.

like i know the series takes place after that, and after the fallout of that, but just. wow. imagine devoting your entire being to another, to the point where you would readily die for them and their word, and then they die. they die, and you did everything you could to honor them in that death, but they're still gone.

like... that emptiness stays with you. you don't just get over that. maybe it's the "being raised in a cult" but wow, do i empathize with that.

idk if we explore more about the fallout/exact history with mifune/immediately following mifune's death but there is so much writing potential there. if i was not embroiled within turtle hell and 50,000 words deep in a multi-chapter fic already, i would absolutely write something for it.

like. this is adjacent to your interest in the topic, but can you just imagine (/rhetorical /general you.) as far as we know, he spent five days on the battlefield before he made it out to the tangled skein.

(which is one of my favorite additions like good god holy shit. that is so cool and angsty. your lord, days after dying, appears as a fucking ghost and saves you. like, if i were to be silly and funky, i would absolutely headcanon that as the reason that he was able to stand up and continue on. because i mean... what else? what else could motivate you to stand up once more after something like that?)

(well. honor. but mifune is the physical manifestation of honor in the narrative, so same difference? it's like both thematically significant and emotionally significant and-- ok im shutting up now. but i could talk for days, istg.)

but like. how do you reconstruct yourself from that? we see him holding tight to this sense of honor, even after his lord is gone, sent reeling (adrift in the waves) with only his soul and moral compass to hold to.

which makes it hurt so much more when we see these ideals of honor-- this ghost of a man, of a life, still haunting him years after the event-- still woven through the narrative, made to specifically conflict his deepest wants.

i joke about it a lot on my fic discord (i have a whole channel called 'father-material' devoted to just pictures of him hanging out with/taking care of kids), but something that seems very important to him is wanting to be a father figure, and wanting these connections to family and friends.

but that is contrasted against these ideas of honor, the very thing he built and rebuilt his foundation off of after it was torn away from him. and it's just so incredibly painful but also it makes sense, because he can't just give up the side of himself that is a samurai. too much of his person, his characterization, is built off of this.

to see it constantly clash with this want to settle down and finally rest, devote himself to his relationships/family rather than the code of bushido-- the very essence of honor itself-- ourgh ourgh ourgh its so good

(put aside the fact that he once said he could never serve another lord, and we know from the story that the idea of a "lord" can be more than just a person... he never stopped serving mifune, not truly. he still upholds the ideas of honor that mifune stood for/represented. as if his lord never truly left him.)

...i was going to say more, but then i realized this turned into a whole-ass mini-analysis, so i'm forcing myself to stfu. but basically: i have feelings about this series, man (/gender neutral).

anyway. if you ever do put something together, i would love to read/follow it! if i ever wrote something, it would probably be exploring the direct fallout of losing mifune, so hey, different niches but similar (:

also: never be anxious about talking to me ever in any way possible. i will probably be even more annoying than you in tags/asks/everything under the sun, and i do genuinely love talking to people who share my interests (typically about those interests.) i like to pretend i am an internet Cool Guy, however, it is a flimsy veneer to hide all the cringefail swaglessness and unending mental illness about my blorbos

(...i am so tempted to just invite you to my og turtle discord server so i can annoy you about usagi on the regular. also about what my reimagining of yuichi would be, because i have so, so many ideas.

i will refrain, but if you would be interested, it has been kinda dead as of late, so it would be nice to enrich the ecosystem a little by slowly collecting other usagi-interested individuals and slowly taking it over, one by one (/j /lh).)

anyway, same thing goes for me with my posts/asks/reblogs/messages/whatever. i am so very earnest, so if that puts you off, that's very chill and fine. however, as long as you're down to vibe, i am similarly down to vibe >:D

i once more apologize for this monstrosity of a reply. i would say it won't happen again, but my reading comprehension apparently does not extend to the "all things in moderation" maxim. instead i choose maximalism (to the max)

(sorry for that joke. yeah that will also happen again. sorry. /lh /pos)

[hekateinhell]

♡ Hospital AU Lestat and Armand 🏥💕

*DYING at you picking an AU that technically does not exist yet lmao I'm obsessed! I really did love the back-and-forth tweet fic style thing with DA + everyone else who contributed because this one is just really fun and kinky and I've missed them!!

So for the sake of headcanons, let's say they're at the point in their relationship where they just started dating. Armand and therapist!Lestat are still engaging in unethical BDSM activities in the workplace (Armand is still seeing cute anesthesiologist!Daniel on the side; he doesn't ask about Lestat's extracurriculars).

Hospital AU tag for anyone who wants to know what exactly is going on here... you'll miss some stuff if you have the default 'Mature' content filters on, go check that if you follow me please. 🥹

NSFW below the cut.

Who is the most affectionate?

It's a weird transition from "Armand bending over Lestat's lap, spreading himself open and waiting for an insertion of some sort — in a purely professional capacity, of course" to "Hey, want me to pick you up after your shift? It'll be 3am..."

At first Lestat's somewhat hesitant to cuddle Armand because Armand just looks so standoffish and disinterested sometimes (hilarious considering Lestat's already had Armand panting and rutting against his jeans while Lestat fucks him with a silicone impression of his dick right there on his therapy couch).

But he gets over it by their second sleepover and just grabs Armand in this massive bear cuddle and pins him to his chest. Armand's startled at first but then he reaches up to grip Lestat's forearms and doesn't let go. Hard to envision a world where Lestat isn't the golden retriever boyfriend, and he is definitely still the most affectionate of the two, but Armand's much more open now that Lestat's ripped that Band-Aid off for them (so to speak).

Armand showing affection looks more like kissing Lestat's temple before leaving his office after one of their "therapy sessions", sore and hazy but grateful. Wrapping his arms around Lestat's back and pressing his cheek to his middle while he's trying to cook in Armand's kitchen (the first time that apartment has seen honest to goodness food). Touching Lestat's arm when they pass each other in the hallway, Armand pretending he hadn't just gotten rug-burn 10 minutes ago while he was busy choking on Lestat's dick and squirming on cheap carpet two rooms down (jk his gag reflex is excellent).

Who initiates the handholding?

Armand's not one for PDA so it's a Big Deal when he does reach for Lestat's hand to ground himself after a particularly rough shift if they're still in public/the hospital parking lot/running errands.

He does everything he can for his patients and his job is his whole identity, so he takes it very hard when something does go wrong.

He's a long way from ever even thinking about admitting it but sometimes Lestat's large, blazingly warm hands feel like the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.

Who worries more for the other?

Lestat worries about Armand a lot because he has the unhealthiest stereotypical baby surgeon habits—thinks he's invincible and can survive on Monster energy drinks and vending machine honeybuns and a combined six hours of sleep over a three-day period. He's seen a lot of young doctors crash and burn in the couple years he's been practicing at Trinity General.

Who is more likely to ask for help?

Lestat makes his living reminding people 'there's no shame in asking for help, we're all human', but it's always easier to preach rather to practice.

I'd say they both equally suck at this for very similar reasons: ego, pride, and trauma. Imagine a psychotherapist and a cardiothoracic surgeon asking for help.

Who is the one always losing the keys?

Armand can't remember when he ate his last "meal" or the last time he slept. It's Armand. At this point he more or less lives in Lestat's townhouse out of necessity (at least until he can find time to call the super and get another key and he will Not Be Doing That).

Who leaves little love notes for the other?

Since they're in the awkward, unofficial 'I know what your face looks like when you're having a god-tier orgasm but not your favorite food or color" stage, love notes look more like Lestat texting Armand "Did you eat today? I'll Uber you something to the hospital."

Or Armand simply asking him, "Text me when you're going to bed?" (which really means "Text me when you're staying put for the night so I know you're safe wherever you are.")

Comes more naturally to Lestat though for sure.

Who can’t sleep unless the other is there?

Lestat is finding more and more lately that he sleeps the best when Armand's ass is pressed up against his stomach. Or when somehow their positions switch up during the night and he wakes up from a dream to find his head over Armand's chest and Armand's hand in his hair.

Who is more likely to propose to the other?

ashsjksksgd don't mention that word right now, they'll both run for the hills.

(Lestat. He lowkey wanted to marry Armand ever since Armand took a stethoscope to his heart right in the middle of bouncing on his cock and came hard to the sound of Lestat's heart beating right out of his chest... it's exactly the kind of freakish behavior that captured Lestat's attention permanently and also his dick. It's... unusual, make no mistake, but also pretty fucking hot.)

Who introduced the other to their family first?

It's extremely unfortunate that Lestat's mother works at the same hospital in which he fucks his coworker on the regular. She knows, because Gabrielle knows all. She is unimpressed.

We'll say Lestat, even though he wishes very much that were not the case.

Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair?

Armand's getting better and better with showing affection (he's never had to do this before, he's never been in a situationship that wasn't based purely on sex). He's learning that Lestat really responds some kind of way to Armand dragging his nails through his hair and rubbing his scalp. And by some kind of way, I mean he makes the most pathetic whining sound and looks like he's in physical pain.

Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated?

See 'love notes.'

It must be noted that Lestat is not above having Armand eat from his hand like a dog while he already has him pliant over his lap and laying in his own cum in the office, too blissed out and sweet to be snarky and dismissive.

(Also, this is Lestat. He's not completely selfless, don't get the wrong idea — at least 50% of this is rooted his own desire to not only be wanted but also needed).

Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other?

They're both feral, it's a tie.

Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other?

Armand is not a fan of surprises, thank you very much. He experiences enough shocks in his day-to-day rummaging around people's chests.

Lestat on the other hand loves a good surprise; he's always exclaiming and gasping over stuff in a very childish and endearing way. Armand picks up on this early on in their dates and tries to surprise him throughout the week with little gifts (some of the adult and provocative nature).

Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things?

Lestat once dared say to Armand, "Pinky promise me you won't sleep in the on-call room for the fourth night in a row because you're that stressed out about your patient?"

Armand laughed in his face.

Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch?

Both of them.

Lestat hunts down Armand during his lunch breaks (super casually, if he bumps into him it's purely coincidental) and sometimes he finds him asleep in the doctor's lounge or an empty patient's room, so he'll grab a blanket from the supply closet and tuck him in.

Lestat does actually work as well, and there have been times where Armand showed up for his "appointment" to find Lestat sound asleep on a pile of paperwork. Armand still privately thinks that what he does is more important (because he's a surgeon with a God complex), but he can't deny that Lestat's job also takes a very real toll on him. Armand raids the supply closet (different one) and even manages to slip a thin hospital pillow under Lestat's head while he frowns and sighs in his sleep.

It's one of those moments where things suddenly seem a little too real for Armand, and his own heart aches in a way he's not ready to acknowledge.

[die-schwanenkoenigin]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @lilolilyr 🥰💕❤️ thank you so much!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

85!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

409,668, more than half of which I've posted this year---210,056 words, to be exact, which is absolutely insane!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently only Mirandy (Devil Wears Prada).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well, this is going to be embarrassing, lol:

bad things (487)

nightly encounter (469)

Too Soon, Not Soon Enough (434)

unexpected (410)

Stalling the Inevitable (377)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! I respond to every single comment I receive. I love interacting with people, hearing their thoughts and ideas! Every time I get a comment, it reminds me of the fact that there are actual, real humans out there that read my writing??? And that's still so crazy to me, even after 6 years???? So I always feel the need to let them know how much I appreciate them!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be two:

Thank you, baby (for loving me like you do)

unrequited

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ohhhhh, I am SUCH a sucker for happy endings. You'll find that---taking away the two outliers from the previous question, obviously---all my works have happy endings!!

8. Do you get hate on fic?

I can't remember ever receiving any. That said, people do sometimes comment things like "hmmm this is weird" or whatever but, like, I pretty much just ignore that.

9. Do you write smut?

Oh, I am very much into writing smut, yes! In fact, I've currently got The Kink Series going on which... is exactly what it sounds like, lol. Smut, smut, and then some more smut; though, in this case, I'm actively trying to dive into things I haven't explored before.

Also, I've just noticed that out of the 16 works I've written/posted for the DWP fandom, 13 have been explicit. Whoops?

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't so far, no!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I had someone repost some of my works in a smut collection a few years back. They mentioned my username, but did not ask me beforehand---or even tag me properly. I ended up asking them to take it down, and they did. My finding it in the first place had been a complete fluke, though.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, though I've attempted to translate some of my own works. It didn't work. (I realized I suck at writing in German, lmao.)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! But I've just recently talked about a potential collab with someone whose writing I really enjoy! So that's exciting!

And just in general, I'm very open to trying out new things---i.e. collaborating on fics.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Well, I'm going to have to say Mirandy here. This ship really has me in its grip. I love the dynamics, and I thoroughly enjoy playing with their characters. There are so many things to explore!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Okay, so, I do have this one idea. And I've written... a tiny little amount. Maybe around 3k. I realized, however, while I was writing, that it would most likely take 20k+ words to make it anywhere near enjoyable. It just wouldn't flow otherwise, I don't think; plus, I wouldn't be able to properly explain everything. Unfortunately, I'm just not really one to write multi chapter fics, and so I've come to the conclusion that it'll probably just sit in my docs forever and collect dust.

Sorry @ Assignment WIP.

16. What are your writing strengths?

As soon as I've got a good sentence to get me started, I can usually just keep going and get all my ideas out in one or two sittings. I'm also an exceptionally fast typer, which means I can write things down as quickly as soon as they pass through my head. Very good, considering my memory is absolutely crap.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have no organizational skills. So if I realize a fic idea would have to be explored in multiple chapters, I usually retreat and abandon the idea.

That also means I just...do not plan fics. Ever. Not even my one shots. I'm 100% serious when I say I would not have the patience to plot out, say, a slow burn fic. They either get it on, or they don't. (And in my case, they pretty much always do. 😏)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I did this all the time when writing Mariana/Ana fanfic. Madre Solo Hay Dos was, like, my first fandom earlier this year; effectively letting me reconnect with fic writing; and it was right around the time when I was obsessed with learning Spanish. So I constantly included Spanish text conversations, as we all as---occasionally---dialogue. 10/10, would recommend and do again.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Camren (Fifth Harmony). That's what got me into writing back in 2017, and it stuck with me for quite a while.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Hmmm... that's really hard. I love soulmate AUs, and considering my obsession with Mirandy at the moment, I think I'd have to go for Too Soon, Not Soon Enough.

Though I did also very much enjoy writing Pretty, Dirty Girl as well as the other, kinkier fics, including, for example, Four Play. The latter was challenging at first, but ultimately a great exercise.

Thanks again, friend, for tagging me!!! ❤️

I'm going to go ahead and tag @harrytoad, @sporkmetender, @guardianrock, @awomanontheverge. None of you have to feel obligated to do this, though. 🥰

oh, and if any other writers see this post---you're welcome to do this as well!!

[lovely-menza]

It's me (again) tag!

Tagged by @blackccelebration to do this thingy, thank you so much!! I sort of remember of doing a tag like this long ago but now we can update it yay!1!!!! 💜💜

1 - Are you named after anyone?

Not really, after a song yes, the other one is just because mum liked the name and I like to think it's because a medieval weapon but that's just me ksjdksjs

2 - When was the last time you cried?

Uhm I cry all the time, but last time it was last tuesday at the bus stop 💀💀💀

3 - Do you have kids?

Nope fortunately, but I do have a dog who is just like a kid! (just turned 1 this month) and the other one is just like an old man (turned 15 this month) but I love them

4 - Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not all the time, I come as pretty sincere even when it's the perfect moment to let out my wittiness, but that's when I pay a lot of attention, I suck at being witty sometimes :')

5 - What's the first thing you notice about people?

I remember writing something like 'their face expression when I'm talking to them' which still stands today xD no but seriously, I'm still insecure and sometimes worry about how do people perceive me, but I think it also has to do to the fact that I like face expressions and structures a lot lol

6 - What's your eye colour?

Brown, even if the sunlight flashes in it goes from dark brown to light brown and no other variation, some of us are boring asf okay?

7 - Scary movies or happy endings?

Idk what is this supposed to mean but I like scary movies with any endings!!!

8 - Any special talents?

Obsessing over dead pe- Okay actually I think drawing portraits or faces (once again me looking at people's faces) and uhm... instruments count? I just play bass as you've seen jmhskdhsksj but then again I'll keep with art and maybe my good interaction with any pet

9 - Where were you born?

Argentina WORLD CHAMPION PAPÁ ⭐⭐⭐

(in Buenos Aires btw)

10 - What are your hobbies?

Playing bass lmao, also drawing since I went on and off by MANY YEARS ALREADY it's frustrating but I'll work on that!! and uh, collecting vinyl records? I don't go out and hunt that much but when I do I don't buy literally anything, I have a little collection of things I adore rather than just keeping lots of records I won't listen to that much

Btw my last finding was Reggatta De Blanc 1986 press record kajskahskajd

11 - Have you any pets?

As I already mentioned two dogs with their respective ages! the baby one is called Bonita (or Bonnie/Lola for the friends) who I adopted 6 months after my doggie Lila passed away :( and the oldie but goldie is Ciro, who's still alive after the fucking mess he was all his life, I adopted him as a weeks-old puppy but he's stray at heart lol

12 - What sports do you play/have played?

I only played volleyball and softball at school, I didn't like softball a lot but volleyball is always fun

pity I dropped out because I couldn't play with my mates - as an outcast myself they'd always play with their friends except me :]

13 - How tall are you?

I'm around 1,65 or 1,68 idk I wish I was a tiny bit taller sometimes hhhh

14 - Favourite subject in school?

Either was the music-related subjects I had in highschool (I don't even remember the names now but it were two branches of it) or history, philosophy... can't think of any other

15 - Dream job?

Living off from art I think, any lol

Now I have to tag 15 blogs? damn okay here you go: @the-rippers, @lil-melody, @outlandos-d-amour, @l0st-d0gs, @crampdown, @thespiritofvexation, @dy3rs3v3 , @viktoria-sob, @larsgoingtomars, @musicrunsthroughmysoul, @themagicalmysticalboy, @jeffament, @princessleiaqueen, @overthinkinks & @itbe1964 Of course you know this is optional so you can ignore and go on with yer life :D

[elizmanderson]

15 questions tag

thanks for the tag, @rachaellawrites!

1. Are you named after anyone?

I'm named after my great-grandma who lived to be a hundred

2. When was the last time you cried?

oops before pole on monday for unclear reasons (but then I had class and that knocked me out of my funk for a bit)

3. Do you have kids?

nope but sometimes I say "my kids" but by that I mean my students or former students

4. Do you use sarcasm?

when the occasion calls for it

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

it depends on the person

most recently the first thing I noticed about a person was his whistle

6. What's your eye colour?

hazel but one eye is more hazel than the other. like one is kinda brown but one is kinda green

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

HAPPY ENDINGS

8. Any special talents?

I'm. never sure. what qualifies as special. I can sing? I can paint? I make a mean collage? I can bake, sort of? I can ID various birds by sight or call and am also working on IDing wildflowers? I'm good at gaining the trust of skittish animals? idk, what do you consider "special"

9. Where were you born?

planet earth, as far as I know

10. What are your hobbies?

...there is no hobby, there is only writing

jk

sort of

I mean I do actually eat sleep and breathe writing, but. I also love fucking off into the woods for a long walk that will undoubtedly go slow as I stop to ID birds and plants. I sometimes work on visual arts. I read (although that's so closely tied to writing that it's almost part of work? but not. but also yes).

I don't consider singing a hobby because I just kinda. do it. all the time. like breathing. if I'm working I have music playing and I'm singing. if I'm driving I have music playing and I'm singing. it's just a thing I do.

do I count pole and yoga?? like no I'm. working out so I can be strong and fit, not,,,doing a hobby, but also I do enjoy them? wow do I even know what a hobby is

11. Have you any pets?

currently I have a cat and four chickens

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I am not a sporty person but I'm currently in a pole fitness class so we're counting that even though I'm not really doing it for performance or competition

I did archery in 4H for years and still occasionally get to do it

I also did basketball and track for years but I actually suck at both of them lmao

13. How tall are you?

shorter than you think, probably

14. Favourite subject in school?

English and art which is probably obvious, and also at community college it was botany and zoology

15. Dream job?

author, obvi, but like author where I'm making enough off backlist royalties that I can write at my leisure without worrying about the bills, which is basically the most unrealistic thing ever but whatever it's the dream

no pressure tag: @victoriacbooks