#liz talks about random stuff

[juneberrie]

i wanna be like those cool blogs :[

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 9:

And when we go crashing down we come back every time..

Masterlist - Previous - Next

TW: Eating disorder

Day 1:

Inhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Inhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Inhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

I felt the fresh morning air streaming in my lungs. Felt the first rays of sunshine warming my skin.

Silence. No traffic sounds. No humans chatting in the busy streets. No sound from construction sites. Silence. I straightened my back and sat up, spread my legs wide before I leaned forwards. Upper body touching the wooden planks of the porch. I could feel the stretch in my lower back, almost thought I would hear the creaking of the screws and iron plate. Then I got carefully up and leaned all to way to my left side, before I did the same on the right. Back up in my sitting position I closed my eyes again.

Inhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Inhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Inhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Starting over again.

Day 4:

"Come on, Liz! 5 more! 4, 3, 2, 1. And down." JK clapped when I slowly got up.

"I hate planks." I said and took the water bottle he offered me "What are we having today?" I took a sip and scrunched up my nose.

"Ginger, lime, mint. Good for the digestive system and also good for stress relief." he answered and I drank some more.

"Ugh, I hate ginger and mint is also not a favourite…" I mumbled and JK rolled his eyes.

"It’s good for you. Period. Get down, your 60 seconds break is over in 3, 2, 1 and plank…" god how I hated him at times, why was he always this freaking positive and cheerful.

Day 7:

"Liz, the race starts in 49 minutes, so if you want to watch it, hurry up." JK shouts from the pier and I try my best to finish the next 12 lengths in time for the race start. As I looked up after some time he waved me to him and I swam as fast as possible.

"Here, 22 minutes left!" he said as he helped me out of the lake and wrapped me in a big towel "Come on, hot tea and lunch are waiting." we make our way up to the cabin. What took me a week ago 9 minutes with crutches now only took me 5, still with crutches but the process was there.

Back in the cabin I made my way into the bathroom, but failed to open up the zipper from the wetsuit.

"JK, can you help me for a second?" I shouted and I heard his steps coming closer "Come in, can you open up the zipper please? My fingers are a little numb…" he pulled the zipper all the way down and turned to leave "My hero.” I chuckled.

"Everything for you, princess." he said obnoxiously sweet and we laughed.

"Get your ass ready, the race starts in a couple of minutes!" he chuckled and left the bathroom.

I watched as the camera panned onto Charles, congratulating Max, then Valtteri, then Lewis. He wasn’t happy, the moment he got out of the car, I could tell by the way he was walking that he wasn’t anywhere near satisfied.

"Hey Charlie, good race!" I said as his face appeared on my phone 4 hours later, he looks exhausted, unsatisfied, but also a little sad "What’s going on? Why that face? I know P4 is nothing we celebrate really. But come on! With that car?"

"I still want to win, no matter how shit the car is! Did you see Sainz? He was leading with a fucking McLaren!" Charles sighed and I wished for nothing more than to be able to hug him. "He’s my teammate next year and there are already so many articles out there! That he will be dominating me, he will give me a run for my money! What does that even mean?"

"It means they’re all idiots! Don’t listen to the media! Just do your races and don’t care what others have to say!" I tried to cheer him up.

"Yeah, you’re right! So tell me, how was the first week?" he changed the topic and I understood that he didn’t want to talk longer about the race. So I started to tell him about my recovery, what progress I made already in one week and soon after we were talking about random stuff none of us would know the next day anything about anymore. But just us talking felt better than anything else in the world.

Day 14:

"Hey Seb!" I exclaimed as he opened the back door for me.

"Lizzie! It’s so good to see you!" he said and pulled me carefully in his arms "How are you? How’s the recovery going?"

"It’s good to be back at the racetrack! And it’s going great. JK is literally my saviour! Oh here… Seb this is JK, my physio therapist." I introduced them and they shook hands "Does he know I’m coming?"

"Nope, all top secret. I hope there was no problem at the entrance?" Seb answered and I smiled "You’re a bit late. I hope he’s not in the car already! I told Sylvia to tell them to wait but with her you never know."

"We were sent to a different entrance because the one you told us was apparently only for staff." I said and he just scoffed.

"That’s why I told Syl-… never mind, come in now!" he ushered us through the garage as someone called him out.

"Seb! You need to get in the car! Now! You’re the last driver!"

"Shit! I’m sorry Lizzie! But I’ll tell him that you’re here before I get in my car!" Seb apologised and I just laughed.

"That’s ok! And now run!" I ushered him away as one of the Ferrari staff members brought us to our places and handed us both our headsets.

"It’s really cool to have you here, Lizzie!" the guy said and walked away smiling.

I watched how Seb jumped through the opening in the fence and ran straight to Charles' car, he leaned down and waved in my direction, Charles' head turned faster than the speed of light and I waved at him.

"Lizzie? Oh my god! What are you doing here?" Joris almost shouted and I turned in his direction.

"I wanted to surprise Charles, I was just a little late." I answered and Joris hugged me.

"If he wins today, it’s because of you for sure!" he laughed and I just grinned.

P3. Gino tapped on my shoulder and I looked up at him and he gently side hugged me.

"Ciao bella! Come on Lizzie, let’s go to the barriers! I’ll make sure that no one comes too close to you!" he said and I nodded, then I looked at JK.

"Go! But be careful!" he said and I chuckled.

"Yes, Dad!"

He jumped out of his car and as he was on his way to his team he stopped abruptly when he saw me, he pulled his helmet off and ran straight up to me before he scooped me up in his arms.

"Hey, ma belle!" he whispered and I giggled like a little kid.

"Put me down, Charles!" I laughed and he set me down "Congrats, Charlie bear!"

"Thanks. It seems like you’re my lucky charm, you should stick around!" he said and I blushed "What are you doing here?"

"You looked so sad last Sunday, I don’t know, something was off, I wanted to surprise you and asked Seb for help." I whispered and looked down, he tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear and embraced me again.

"I’m so happy that you’re here, ma belle!" he whispered and then he sighed happily.

"Charles, your team is waiting. And your interview. And your weighing! Come on!" I laughed and he let go of me, although reluctantly.

Day 15:

"It’s so peaceful!" Charles said and inhaled deeply as we sat on the porch, watching the sunrise, as we arrived just in time "I’m glad that I decided to join you for some days!"

"Me too, Charlie, me too." I whispered, suppressing a yawn and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Let’s get you to bed, ma belle!" he said but I shook my head, as the first sunbeams of the day were gently kissing my face.

"Just a couple more minutes, this is nice…" I pleaded and Charles sighed.

"Yeah, it really is!" he answered and gently leaned his head on mine.

I opened my eyes and realised I was laying in the bed of my bedroom. I slowly got up. Out of bed, walking out the room. On the sofa sitting were Charles, reading a book and JK sketching something in his mysterious book.

"Boys." I said and they flinched.

"You’re up." Charles patted the sofa next to him and I sat down.

"Barely." I yawned and closed my eyes again, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Then why did you get up?"he asked and JK chuckled.

"You’re leaving on Wednesday, I don’t want to sleep through most of it!" I whispered and Charles put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.

"Ma belle, it’s not even 12… and I’ll leave on Wednesday in the evening. We have enough time." he answered and I nodded.

"I’d say let’s have a nice little walk? And later on, we’re having a little cheat day? You wanted to use the pizza oven outside, Liz?" JK clapped his hands together and got up "I prepared some dough and we’ve got a lot of that good marinara sauce you loved so much! On our way back we’ll pick up the groceries in the store and then it’s pizza night!"

"Sounds like a plan!" Charles nudged my shoulder and I sighed "Come on! Show me how beautiful it is here!"

"I’ll fire up the oven, you guys prepare the toppings!" JK commands and Charles and I nod.

"So, we have mushrooms, bell pepper, pepperoni, salami, ham and look at that cheese!" I said as Charles washed his hands and grabbed some bowls, cutting boards and knives. As I washed my hands Charles was already munching on the first slice of ham "Charles!"

"I have to check the quality of the product! And if it’s still good! I don’t want you to get a food poisoning!" he shrugged and I laughed.

"And you’re trying the ham then for what?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I’m getting to the veggies, don’t worry! But what about JK and myself? Our safety doesn’t mean anything to you?" he asked, acting shocked.

"I’m sorry! You’re absolutely right!" I laughed.

"Thank you, ma belle! I guess it’s safe to say that ham is all good!" he said and put the ham slices in one of the bowls "Next salami!"

I laughed and began cutting the veggies, throwing them in different bowls.

"How are we doing, guys?" JK walked back in the kitchen, checking the bowls "The fire is burning quite nicely, dough is ready. I’d say, another, maybe 30 minutes and we can throw some pizzas in there!"

"Alright, here, Charles, put all the bowls on the tray, I’ll grab the sauce and something to drink, JK, can you grab plates and glasses? Oh and a spoon or whatever for the sauce!" I said and walked over to the fridge, grabbing some of JKs homemade lemonade and the sauce.

Outside Charles and I set the table, lighting some candles and JK took care of the fire. I sat down and watched as the last rays of sunshine coloured the sky in all shades of orange, red and pink. I shivered a little and pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around them, watching as the sun slowly disappeared behind the mountain tops.

"Here." Charles stood next to me with one of his hoodies and helped me into it "Better?"

"Better!" I smiled at him and as his scent engulfed me, I blushed a little.

"Alright guys! It’s pizza time!" JK exclaimed and Charles held out his hand and helped me up.

We each made a pizza with the toppings of our choices and JK professionally shoved them into the pizza oven with the shovel. After a minute the air was filled with the mouthwatering smell of our pizza’s. JK turned them to make sure they bake evenly.

"It smells delicious!" I said and Charles nodded in agreement.

"Now it only has to taste like it smells!" JK laughed and checked on the pizza "I’d say they’re done!"

"Pizza time!" I clapped as Charles held out the plates and JK put the pizzas on. He then sat the plate with my pizza in front of me and plopped down next to me on the bench.

"They look amazing!" Charles said and filled our glasses with lemonade, then he held his up and JK and I did the same and we toasted them together "Cheers!"

The first bite of the pizza was heavenly and I groaned.

"After weeks and weeks of Buddha bowls and wholewheat pasta and protein stuff, this pizza is the best thing I ever ate in my life!" I said and Charles and JK laughed "I’m serious!"

"It’s definitely far up, that’s for sure!" Charles laughed and JK nodded.

For the next few minutes we ate and talked about everything from racing to traveling. Indulging into our cheat meal, after a while the conversation died down and a content silence fell over us. I saw in the corner of my eyes how Charles and JK glanced over at my plate and I heard JK sighing when he realised I only ate 2 slices of my pizza, but he didn’t say anything.

"I’ll bring the stuff in and head to bed. I’ll have an early FaceTime session in the morning! Don’t stay up too late, kids!" JK got up and put the box with the dough and his plate on the tray, then gestured to my plate and me like he wanted me to eat more then he walked inside.

I sighed and played with another slice of my pizza.

"I thought it’s the best thing you ate in your life?" Charles asked and I looked at him confused "Doesn’t look like it."

"I’m just not that hungry…" I answered and shrugged my shoulders but Charles looked at me for a while.

"You’re okay, right?" he almost whispered it and I looked up "You would tell me if there’s something wrong?" I nodded.

"It’s just, all of these super foods and nutrient boasted stuff I’m eating right now because of JK is a lot! I know it’s healthy and it’s a good fullness but I feel bloated sometimes! I swear!" I laughed and tried to convince Charles and he eyed me questioningly for a moment but then nodded.

"But come on! Eat at least another slice of pizza! It’s seriously one of the best I’ve ever had!" he said and I smiled and bit into the slice.

"Damn! I wished we had some pineapple." I said and Charles' face scrunched up in disgust.

"Please, please, tell me you’re joking! Ma belle! Since when do you eat that!" he sounds disappointed.

"Oh relax, I was just kidding." I laughed.

"Good! I was thinking there’s something wrong with your brain!" he said but as soon as the words left his mouth he looked at me horrified "Oh god! Lizzie, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t thinking! I’m so, so sorry! Fuck! I am stupid! Ma belle, please believe me…" he began but I only shook my head laughing.

"Stop! Charles, it’s alright! I know you didn’t mean it!" I said but he still looked beyond shocked. I turned to him and grabbed his hand "Hey! Come on! It’s really okay! I know you didn’t mean it in any bad way!"

"I wasn’t thinking! But still, I shouldn’t have said that! I’m so sorry!" he looked down at our hands and sighed.

"Charlie, can you please look at me?" I say quietly but he didn’t move so I laid my hand on his cheek and turned his face towards me "Hi… please, listen to me when I say that it is okay! Really!" he leaned in closer, our foreheads resting against each other and he inhaled deeply.

"Still, I’m sorry ma belle!" he whispered and I only nod slightly, sitting back up "I didn’t think… it’s just a saying and…"

"Shhh… stop, please!" I put my finger on his lips to silence him "Stop apologising. It’s fine. I’m fine. Okay?" he nods slowly and I look up at him, right hand still on his cheek, left index finger on his lips. This close I could see all the tiny freckles on Charles nose, his thick, long lashes framing his eyes, eyes so beautiful I could get lost in them, over and over again. He looked deep in my eyes, one hand at my hip, the other covering mine on his cheek. Charles closed his eyes and swallowed hard, as he opened them he leaned in even closer.

"Good night guys." JK’s voice made us both flinch and pull away from each other.

Charles cleared his throat and ruffled his hair and my breathing was erratic. What just happened?

"It’s getting late? I think I’ll take a long shower and then go to bed!" I said and faked a yawn and Charles nodded.

"Yeah, you go showering, I’ll take care of the dishes!" Charles got up and grabbed our plates and glasses and then walked away, but then he turned around "I’ll put your pizza in the fridge!" then he left.

I took a deep breath and walked inside, straight into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror, shaking my head. Nothing happened. It was just a vulnerable moment because he was scared he hurt me. All good. Right?

Day 16:

After a good swim in the lake, we walked back up and I almost slipped, but JK thankfully caught me and we laughed. He held me close to him, just to annoy me but I laughed it off, shaking my head. Back at the house after taking my shoes off he pulled the zipper of my wetsuit down and I walked straight into my room. Getting out of the wetsuit I noticed a little bruise on my spine and called for JK, I put a towel on my front and waited for him.

"Is that from the black roll?" I asked as soon as he walked in and looked at me confused "That bruise above my ass!" he looked down and gently stroked over it.

"Does it hurt?" he asked and applied a little pressure but I shook my head "Now?" he rubbed a little stronger and I nodded "Alright. Seems like you’re making something wrong here… we’ll have a look tomorrow when we’re using it again." he said and I nodded "And now take a shower, you’re shivering!" and he left.

Day 17:

"I don’t want you to go!" I whispered as Charles hugged me tight.

"The season is almost over and then we’ll see each other way more! I promise!" he said and I smiled "I’ll text you as soon as I’m in Maranello!" he kissed my forehead, then he shook JKs hand and got in his car.

"I see you in a bit, ma belle!" Charles smiled.

"Bye, Charlie bear and please drive carefully!" I said and he nodded, then he drove off and JK pushed me back in as it slightly started to rain.

"Alright, Liz. Some light stretching and maybe a bit of cardio?" he suggested and I nodded.

"Let’s go!"

Day 21:

"Liz? Liz? Are you still sleeping? Liz?" the door opened slowly and JK poked through the crack "Liz? Are you awake? Come on. 4:00! We gotta get going if we want to see the sunrise!"

I didn’t move. I didn’t flinch. I only groaned and blinked rapidly. Trying to at least make something in my body move, but to no avail. JK realised that something was off and came to my side, kneeled down and switched on the lamp on the nightstand.

"Liz? Can you hear me?" he asked and I nodded slightly. Trying to even out my breathing "Lizzie? What is happening? What was that?"

"Give me a minute…" my voice was hoarse and my throat was dry. He got up and came a moment later back with a glass of water and helped me to gulp it down "Thanks."

He helped me sit up slowly and waited for me to start talking whenever I was ready.

"After I woke up from the coma, it was maybe a week later? I fell asleep, but then I woke up… and it felt like… I couldn’t move. Nothing reacted. Not even wiggling my toes. But I was awake. I looked around, but I couldn’t move. I panicked, I thought that the last week where I was awake was just a dream and I was still in the coma, like I never woke up from it and I could feel how breathing became harder and harder. I could hear these voices laughing that they would pull the plug on me. There were these shadows kind of lurking over me and I was so freaking scared. And it all felt just like it did when I really was in a coma, so yeah… I thought I’m still not awake. So I tried to thrash around the bed, but to no avail. I don’t know how long it went on like this but I woke up the next morning, feeling like shit. Muscles sore and tense, tired and exhausted. And with a headache I never had before… after that it happened more often… just like in Monaco whenever… whenever… yeah well I googled a little and I’m pretty sure it’s sleep…" I explained to JK.

"Sleep paralysis." he said it at the same time as me and looked up in horror "Please tell me you’ve told the doctors about it?" and as I shook my head slightly he pushed himself of the ground "Lizzie! For fucks sake!"

"I told Dr. Friese that I felt tense and had strong headaches. I didn’t told him the rest. How could I?" I said and JK sat down next to me.

"You said, you heard someone saying they would pull the plug on you… but you’re not supposed to know about that?" he looked at me with big eyes and I gulped.

"I was kind of awake. Sometimes I could hear the people talk, open my eyes a little crack…" I whispered and tears were streaming down my face. JK pulled me into him and rubbed my back soothingly "I didn’t tell anyone, because mum and dad already felt guilty enough that they decided to let them pull the plug on me. If they knew that I knew about it? That I heard it? That I was kinda awake the whole time? JK they would never forgive themselves!" I sobbed out and he just held me close.

"It’s going to be okay, you hear me Liz?" he said and I nodded "We might need to slow down a little. Focus more on your mental health at this point… don’t look at me like that. You’re doing great, physically! We’re far more ahead in your recovery than I thought we would be! So we can slow down a little. And I think it’s important to find you the right help… because what you went through, what you’re still going through is something I can’t help you with. So we will look for help." I sighed but nodded.

"I just don’t want anyone to find out. About everything! The coma, the sleep paralysis, the…" I stopped and JK only nodded.

"I know, Liz, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who noticed it." he said and I looked at him confused "You have an eating disorder. Don’t deny it. I’ve seen you. What you’re eating is not enough. And what you’re eating is pretty often exiting your body the way it entered. I’ve heard it."

"It’s just the stress. And I’m just not hungry anymore. Dr. Friese said it could be the trauma, the meds and stuff." I looked down at my hands.

"Yeah, that’s normal for the first 3-4 weeks. And not 3 months later. I’m sorry for being so blunt. But sometimes you need nothing more than someone being straight up with you! We will tackle that as well!" JK said it gently and I only nodded "For now, let’s get back to bed and sleep as long as you need."

I laid back down and he tucked me in, then he squeezed my hand and left. I fell asleep almost immediately

Day 25:

Another day without any message or call from Charles. Since he left a week ago I received barely any messages from him, one that he arrived safely in Maranello and had a lot going on the next day, but he said he would call in the evening, he didn’t, I asked why he didn’t call, no reply, one day later a message that he arrived in Monaco and yesterday that he’s now in Turkey. But that was it. No small talk, no jokes, no nothing. And when I tried to call him, he didn’t pick up. Maybe because of what happened, no what almost happened, he felt guilty? He had Camille after all. Maybe I should accept that she was right from the beginning, Charles’ full focus should be on her, as she was his girlfriend. Not me. Maybe I had to…

"Hello Lizzie, my name is Dr. Lindner, I’ve talked a lot about you with JK… so why don’t we start with you telling me everything that happened from let’s say the start of this year." Dr. Christian Lindner, therapist specialised in stress and trauma sequelae, was the one therapist that stood out for JK and would be the one I should confide in. He seemed to be a really nice guy, still I felt a little awkward sitting here and telling him about what happened.

"Even before the accident?" I asked and he nodded.

"Everything that changed from this year to last year. Family, friends, job. I want to know everything." he smiled encouragingly and I took a deep breath.

"Alright, good for you that we’re paying you hourly…" I joked and he laughed.

"Why do you think I chose this profession in the first place?" he countered and I laughed. Maybe this could work. He was funny.

"The year started, well not so good…" I began to tell him everything, Charles and Camille, Camille and her friends hating me, the cancellation of the WSeries for this year, me gaining some weight and Camille's comments, me trying to eat less to nothing to lose the weight again, overdoing it a little, the accident, being kind of awake, the video, me wishing I had died that day, the recovery, the sleep paralysis, Charles not talking to me anymore. As I looked up at him he smiled and handed me a box of tissues, somewhere along the way I had started to cry, I didn’t even feel it.

"Thank you Lizzie, for being this open and honest with me!" he said after he gave me a minute to gather myself.

"I swear I didn’t expect to let this all out! I’m so sorry!" I said a little embarrassed but he shook his head.

"No! Don’t apologise! This was exactly what I needed from you! It’s normal that once the floodgates are open everything comes out. That’s a good thing! This way I’ll be able to help you better. Because although your life… well I’m not one to sugarcoat things, there’s a lot of shit going on. And a lot of shit that you need help with to cope with. And that’s why I’m here. We will tackle every obstacle on its own. Step by step. I’m not setting a timeframe, we will be done when we will be done. But for now I think the most urgent matters are your anxiety, the eating disorder and your obvious feelings for Charles Leclerc." he said and I nodded but then I realised what he said at last "I’m not just a funny guy, Lizzie, this is my job. So… you and Charles and Camille? That’s also one of the main topics we’re starting with!" I nodded slowly.

Was this something I wanted to talk about every other day? No. Was this something I wanted to think about all the time? No. Will talking about it help me? Probably.

"Yay… I can’t wait…" I said sarcastically and Dr. Lindner just laughed.

"No one said that it’s going to be easy or that you would like it!" he chuckled and I just rolled my eyes "You built walls around you and I’m here to wreck them down… but don’t worry, I will stand with you on the rubble and sing “I’ve been looking for freedom”." And that made me laugh again "So, why do you think he ghosted you? Is it even ghosting when he texts you?"

"3 messages! Just to tell me that he arrived at his planned destinations! It’s just because we almost… we almost…" I sighed and shook my head "We almost kissed I think…"

"You think?" Dr. Lindner asked and I just nodded "And that’s a bad thing because? Let’s forget about Camille for a second. It’s just you and Charles."

"Just because I have these feelings, doesn’t mean he has them. And what about our friendship? I can’t live without him in my life. That’s just not possible! But what if I lose him because he doesn’t feel the same?" I said and leaned back on the sofa, hands covering my face.

"So it’s more the fear of losing him, that makes you feel like this? Not the fact that he has a girlfriend, that is not you?" he pressed and I sighed.

"Yeah, I don’t know. Both I guess?" I mumbled and he nodded.

"Alright, that’s something we can work with." he scribbled something down in his notebook and sat up a little straighter "And your anxiety and trouble with eating comes from, let me guess, Camille?" I only nodded "Yeah, that fits the pattern. It’s your own insecurities and feelings that are getting in your way. And with whatever she’s saying to you, she’s playing right into it."

"But can we fix that?" I asked quietly and Dr. Lindner nodded.

"Yes, we can. And we will. For today, I’d say it’s enough. I work out a therapy plan and I talked to JK already. He will help you with your eating. We’ll get there. Don’t worry." He got up and I did as well "I’ll see you on Monday! Goodbye!"

"Thank you, for the talk. Have a nice weekend!" I said and he smiled, before he left.

"How do you feel?" JK asked as he walked in and I sat down again.

"Better. Maybe this will work out." I answered and he nodded.

"It will." he said and I smiled a little.

"Yeah, I think so too."

Day 28:

P4. No call. No FaceTime. No message. Only pictures of him and Camille in the paddock. I texted him after the race that it was a good one and it almost was a podium. No response. JK sensed that something was off but didn’t push me to talk to him. I ate, went to bed and fought the tears. To no avail. I cried. A lot. Why did he ignore me? Was it really because of what happened? I called him, for the hundredth time and finally he picked up.

"Charles? Hi!" I began.

"Hi. This is Charles. Leave a message and I’ll call back." Voicemail.

I wanted to hang up. But all the frustration and sadness erupted and I let it all out.

"Charles… I-I don’t know what I’ve done that you’re so mad at me! I don’t know why you suddenly don’t call or text back anymore! I just… I’m sorry for what happened. Well almost happened! But it’s unfair to just cut me- I just miss you. Okay? Please just text me back! Tell me how to fix this! Tell me what I can do to fix us! Please, Charles! Please don’t leave me!" I sobbed into the phone desperately and as the announcement came, if I wanted to keep the message or delete it and re-record it, I deleted it and hung up. Then I cried myself to sleep.

Day 35:

One week of daily therapy sessions.

One week of daily meditation sessions.

One week of daily cooking classes.

One week of daily desperately checking my phone, with nothing from Charles.

One week of daily stupid jokes from JK to cheer me up.

Sleep. Eat. Therapy. Meditation. Repeat.

Day 36:

I sat buried under a ton of blankets on the sofa. Tear stained face. Headache.

"Hey princess. I thought we would go for a little walk?" JK asked as he walked in and looked around the room "Liz?" he was about to leave as he heard the rustling "Are you under there?"

"Yup." I mumbled and sat up.

"Okay. Not concerning at all. Come on. We’re going for a walk." he said and pulled me up.

"I don’t want to. I can walk just fine" I grumbled but he just grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, pushing me towards the door.

"Well, it could be better. You still need every couple of minutes a break and your legs are sore in the evening. So come on. Let’s go." he stood at the door and put his shoes on before he nudged me a little to do the same.

"Fine! Can’t be that bad." It wasn’t fine. And it was that bad. Not even halfway through I twisted my ankle a little and we had to head back home, where JK helped me on the sofa, left to get the first aid kit and then took my shoe off and checked my ankle. He was gentle and the pain wasn’t too bad, still I couldn’t help myself but tears were streaming down my face. JK looked up as I sobbed and gently pulled me into his arms. I don’t know how long we sat like this. But after a while, when no more tears were left to cry I sat up and looked up at JK. He smiled down at me and wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs. He was always so caring for me. Cheering me up. Supported me through this time. Always trying to make me feel better. I leaned in and kissed him, almost. JK pulled back and I blushed. I was shell shocked and scrambled off of the sofa, trying to walk away as fast as possible but my ankle gave in and I almost fell, JK catching me, like always.

"Lizzie, hey, look at me." he said and I shook my head.

"I’m fine, please let me go." I tried to pull away but JK didn’t budge.

"Lizzie, can we talk about this like adults?"

"No, JK. I’m sorry. I’m just- please let me go…" I whispered and the tears were back. JK gently pushed me down on the sofa and sat next to me.

"Look at me, please Lizzie." he said and I took a deep breath, before glancing up a little "It’s okay. Something like this happens quite often… it’s just normal. You’re vulnerable right now. You’ve been through a lot and usually Charles would be the one you feel attached to, because he is the one always by your side. But now it’s me. You see me as the one constant in your life right now. Like an anchor. So you’re transferring your feelings from the one you really love onto the one who gives you stability and safety at the moment. And that is me. But it’s not real feelings. Okay? It's okay. Nothing happened, it’s all good between us." he said it so gently that I swallowed hard and looked up.

"Charles and I almost kissed when he was here and now he’s ghosting me. What if… what if it’s the same with you?" I whispered and JK sighed.

"It’s not because of that, Liz." JK said and I was confused "I told him to lay a bit low for a while."

"What? Why would you do that?" I was furious and got up "You saw how hurt I was the past two and a half weeks because of that? And you didn’t say anything? Why?"

"Because first of all you had to start focusing on yourself! And not on Charles! Lizzie you were constantly checking in on him, whenever he was down, you were down and unmotivated. Your recovery was, is, more important right now and you should finally see that! And secondly, I needed you to finally face the truth that you are in love with Charles! You had to finally see that this denial is only making anything worse for you. You had to be honest to yourself and I had to trigger that. And look at that. You’re finally open up, finally be true to yourself and admit that you’re not fucking ok. So yes. Scream and shout and fight with me all you want. But you’re finally able to talk about your emotions instead of locking them inside, building walls that are higher than the fucking Sky Tower!" he was breathing heavily and I stood there contemplating what he just said. I closed my eyes and slowly sat down again. He hesitantly did the same and I looked at him for a second. Then I leaned back and laid my leg on his thighs.

"Is it sprained?" I asked and JK looked at me for a moment before he checked my ankle again "And what the fuck is the Sky Tower?" JK laughed.

"What?" he asked and took one of the bandages out.

"You said I build walls higher than the Sky Tower…" I answered and hissed a little when he secured the bandage and took a second one.

"It’s a telecommunications tower in Auckland." he said as he finished bandaging my ankle.

"I’m still mad at you. And at Charles. He shouldn’t have listened to you! How could he read all my messages and not even once answer me! And what did you tell him why he shouldn’t talk to me anymore? Not because of my feelings?" I sighed and JK only nodded.

"It’s okay, I broke your trust on this one, I’m sorry. I promise you it won’t happen again, only if you let me no other choice… just kidding! Maybe not. But anyways. I told him that you couldn’t focus on yourself if you’re always worried about him. And he couldn’t focus on his season, if he’s always worried about you. So yeah. I promised him to update him every now and then, which I did. But that was it." JK wriggled my ankle a little and as I didn’t react he carefully lifted it off and stood up "I’m sorry, Lizzie. I tried everything with you, but you wouldn’t open up to me. So I had to make you more vulnerable in order for your shell to crack." he walked out of the room and I closed my eyes. Although I was still mad at him, I understood why he did it. Why was he always right?

Day 66:

The last weeks were filled with more therapy, more meditation, more work outs to strengthen my core and built back some muscles, but mostly to get the needed nutrition back into my body. I could almost eat normally, without thinking about Camilles words with every bite I took. The anxiety induced by her almost gone. Only once was the sleep paralysis back. The last time my brain was lagging when I spoke a lot was at one of the earlier therapy sessions. When we were talking about how Camilles presence affected me. Over all I thought I was on a really good way. Charles still didn’t text me. After I texted him that I knew about what JK said and he ignored the message, again, I was worried. Didn’t he know what to say, after we’ve almost kissed? I thought he would answer. Maybe even apologise. A lot. Nothing and it hurt to know that it was this easy for him, to cut me out. Unfortunately it was something I couldn’t change, but talking about it with Dr. Lindner helped a lot.

"How do you feel today?" he asked and I shrugged a little.

"I’m nervous… in 4 days I’ll see my family again. After months. I don’t know, it’s weird. I think it was a good decision to stay alone here, to tell them not to visit me, after my feelings where such a mess after Charles left… although that wasn’t the reason, I know." I said and scratched my chin.

"How do you feel about seeing Charles again?" Dr. Lindner asked and I swallowed audibly "Ahh. That good, huh?" he chuckled.

"No, it’s fine. I mean. I know how I feel about him. And I know that these feelings are okay to have. I won’t deny them anymore to myself. But that’s it. Charles and I are friends. Best friends. Losing him would be the worst that could happen. So I have to accept these feelings. But I also have to accept that he has a girlfriend…" I answered.

"Very mature. But we talked about the effects Camille has on you? And we talked about how you have to be honest with Charles how you feel about her? How she treats you? And that she is one of the reasons for your anxiety and eating issues?" he asked and I nodded "That’s good. Really, Lizzie. You’ve come a long way in the last month. I think in the new year, we will start with 3 sessions a week. Monday, Wednesday and Friday? As my office is in Stuttgart, that’s very convenient."

"I knew it! I knew you were Swabian, too! Although you tried really hard to not let it out!" I laughed and he just chuckled.

"I can hide it most definitely better than you!" I nodded at that and we both got up "Have a nice break! Relax. Talk to Charles. You’re family, tell them about the issues you’re still facing. From that on, it’s going to be easier!" he said and hugged me.

"Thank you, a lot! I feel so much better!" I said and as he released me he grinned.

"That’s why they pay me the big bucks!" and with that he left.

"Okay, Liz! I’d say the next few days we focus a bit more on cardio? And then I’ll get you back home on Sunday!" JK looked at me determined and I nodded.

Home. The first time after I left for Monaco I would be home again. The first time in months that I would see my family again. And the first time after our almost kiss, I would see Charles again, as him and Pascale, Arthur and Lorenzo were going to celebrate Christmas with us. I wasn’t scared. I was nervous. How do you tell your best friend, that you’re in love with, that his girlfriend, he’s in love with, is one of the main reasons for your anxiety and eating issues over the past months?

Merry fucking Christmas.

————————————————————————-

Little Note:

That's it, chapter 9 is out, sorry for the delay - I had a little trouble writing that one, but it’s done (finally!). Next chapter will be a little bit different. You’ll see^^

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram.

[animentality]

There's too much shit happening on Twitter concurrently, a million micro discourses derived from reddit, every news site, TikTok trends, and racist YouTubers/ twitch streamers.

Call outs for popular Twitters and internet celebrities and actual celebrities.

Snapbacks about every conceivable news subject from all over the globe.

Meanwhile on Tumblr I know the only thing you guys ever collectively discuss is funny stuff like the queen dying and liz truss and the lettuce that outlived her.

It's nice and calm here...if I don't seek it out, I literally don't see you guys talking about discourse at all.

I see that fucking none pizza with left beef or loss dot jpeg or a post that's been around for 90 years.

Maybe some slightly current shitposts and memes about whatever. But it's always like ten years old by the time I see it.

Perhaps I am simply curating my experience here better...or perhaps Twitter's bullshit algorithms just thrust the most random shit at me, whereas here, the Tumblrs I follow don't give a rat's ass about dua lipa's sly shade at Olivia Rodrigo or whatever.

[spaceagebachelormann]

im back hehehehehe could i get some headcanons of like. dating mischa. or ricky- either one- i <3 them sm

dating mischa and ricky

pairings: ricky potts x gn reader, mischa bachinski x gn reader

warnings: mentions of the rollercoaster disaster

a/n: i’ll give you both because ily liz <3

masterlist

Ricky Potts

okay so

UHHHH

he’s really sweet!!

100% randomly comes to your house and signs something like “wanna go stargazing”

you WILL say yes.

when you’re stargazing he doesn’t actually look at the other stars, because his star is beside him <3

you best believe his cats love you

they love you more than they love him

sometimes they just walk straight past him to get to you <3

i like to think he has a thing for noses, so when he’s close enough he’ll just lean in and kiss it so gently <33 or poke it

i feel like he gets tired really easily and stays up until like 3am

and because he loves you and he feels comfortable with you he leans his head on your shoulder and falls asleep!!

during the cyclone disaster, my man was holding your hand so hard and trying to keep you (and himself) from falling out of the cart

long story short it didn’t work and you fell together

back to the sweet stuff!!

you know all of the zolar lore and characters and give him stickers for his crutches

between classes he runs (runs??? he gets to you as quickly as he can with his crutches) and hugs you so tight

calls you the most random things ever

turkey-chicken-leg, monkey-love-drop (ofc <3)

im sorry but he would have called you kitten at one point. joke or not he 100% would have once. someone had to say it

i do think he’d call you love though

he loves you!! so much!!

penny aka his bestie has had to listen to him talk about you for hours

he’s very clingy!! constantly touching you in some way or is always near you

lightly hits you with his crutches when you say something outta pocket or questionable

your parent(s) LOVE him

he has that “anything for you love! <3” mentality and your parent(s) can tell this!! they know hed do anything for you and it’s why they love him!!

omg binge watching movies that take place in space with him <3

he gets so absorbed into the plots and points out every little thing

he’s so cute

will CRY (happily ofc) if you learn sign language for him

oh!! you’d also have a way to communicate from across the room if you can’t speak directly

like you’ll be visibly uncomfortable or tense and he’ll give you a concerned look or something to ask if he needs to come over there

i think he would be really protective, glaring at anyone who makes you uncomfortable and sometimes protectively putting a crutch or arm in front of you

incorrect quote!!:

Ricky: you want some leftovers?

Y/N: what are leftovers

Ricky: you’ve never had leftovers?

Y/N: no, im not a quitter

Mischa Bachinski

dear lord

the most overprotective soul ever

has body slammed ocean for looking at you weirdly…

will fight someone for you

just ask

also has that “anything for you love! <3” mentality but it’s more aggressive like “ANYTHING for you, love.”

oh he definitely uses you as an armrest

i like the idea of him and his s/o having a mean/nice dynamic

he’s mean to literally everyone except you

he’s also the type to put things on a shelf you can’t reach just so you have to ask him for help

sometimes he just picks you up in the middle of class and runs away while the teacher is screaming at you guys to come back

only listens to you

ocean: mischa no!! | mischa: mischa yes!! | y/n: mischa no | mischa: mischa no.

writes autotuned songs about you

okay but like imagine being his sweet sunshine s/o and one day someone pisses you off enough that you actually yell at them and he’s standing there with his jaw dropped and eyes widened

whispers over to noel “i love them.”

noel whispers back “i know.”

randomlt shows up at your house

if he can’t get in through the front door he scarily climbs through your window

SLEEPOVERS ARE A MUST!!

secretly the little spoon when you cuddle during sleepovers but don’t tell anyone

smiles into your neck, but pretends he doesn’t even though he knows you can feel it <3

it someone talks smack about you

well….

they mysteriously disappear that night

and when they come back they don’t even look in your direction again

he’s actually very sweet with you!!

holding your hand, cupping your face, whispering sweet little nothings in your ear <3

brings you alcohol on your birthday…

incorrect quote:

Mischa: *kicks the door down looking panicked*

Y/N: what did you do?

Mischa: nobody died

Y/N: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT???

[whumpsday]

Random question! In a gender blend AU would anything major change story wise?

i assume u mean genderbend! and by that i'm gonna assume everyone with a binary gender switches to the other one (and laken stays genderqueer).

yes it actually changes quite a bit of kane's backstory and family relationships! this is something i've talked about a little when discussing a trans man kane au, but noble vampire society is absolutely drenched in TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLES. if kane and bellamy were both women (cis i assume), it'd change a lot!

kane would be even more outcast, but has a new avenue to acceptance: marry well. she would likely put more emphasis on this goal at first, but fail at that, since no high-status nobleman wants to go for a bride with no persuasion. failing that, kane would move on to plan B, which is kidnapping jim. (everyone would have different names but i'm not getting into that) things would mostly proceed as normal after that.

bellamy's hobbies (sewing, clothesmaking), unlike in canon, are gender conforming in this au, which makes her parents approve of her more. however she would be a lesbian, which her parents would not approve of. she also wouldn't be the heir, no longer being the eldest son, so there's a bit less fuss when she abandons the nobility.

jim & liz's stuff doesn't change as much, tho i'm sure their lives would be at least a little different. imagining liz as a big scary hunter man is kinda 😳😳😳... i'm very bisexual. liz is probably taken more seriously by his peers as a man, vampire hunting is mostly a male-dominated field.

kane's treatment in captivity would probably vary. there would be hunters less likely to hurt her because of not wanting to hurt a woman, and hunters more likely to hurt her because of an excuse to hurt a woman who can't fight back. i imagine it kind of evens out? tbh a lot of hunters prob wouldn't be moved either way, as vampires aren't thought of as "men" or "women" but as less than a person, a thing not thought of enough to be gendered.

assuming laken stays unchanged (being an amab genderqueer person) and liz is a cis man, them having kids goes differently. i do imagine that in canon they end up having a bio kid and an adopted kid (maybe more but at least those 2 i haven't ironed out the details yet), the adopted one being orphaned after their parents are taken by vampires. here, they would just have the adopted kid.

this was interesting to think about!

[where-i-go-insane]

i am legally obligated to think of a band AU for every piece of media i enjoy

silly little brain was imagining a Soul Eater band AU (as one who is normal about things often does) and i had a few thoughts and i think i will ramble about it a little bit here to make more thoughts. i think since they'd have such a large group, they kind of swap out/tap in for certain songs so they're rarely all playing at the same time. they all probably play a couple instruments because of this (with a few exceptions) and there's just a fun assortment that they've got going on and i also think that would make some of their songs sound drastically different since it would be like a different combination of people playing. overall, i feel like they're pretty gritty and punk, but they've probably got a wide span between more electronic and maybe even hyperpop adjacent stuff and like "original" punk and rock stuff. i think it'd really depend on who was playing.

some of the instruments are obvious. Soul is legally required to play the keyboard/synth/whatever keys exist, though he probably knows how to play the most instruments out of the group so even though he's mainly piano, he can play everything and he'll add his own little flair to it.

my brain is yelling at me that Tsubaki would play the bass. idek why but it appeared in my thoughts and i think that that's the gospel truth that Tsubaki would play the bass. i feel like she would also play some wildcard instrument like a violin/viola or flute or idk like an oboe and when she breaks that out you know the song is gonna go crazy.

now, i think Black☆Star and Kid are vocals, whether they're singing solo or together and they're probably "on deck" the most, though they probably do back off at certain points. Liz is also a vocalist (i feel in my bones that she'd be like a "talk singer" or like an ashnikko type thing where she's AGGRESSIVE with her singing) but my brain is telling me she's on the guitar a lot and wouldn't be singing most of the time. she uses a lot of cool guitar picks and she likes throwing them out into the audience and people would throw picks back at her to use (and she would use them). when all three of the singers are on at the same time, the balance would be insane and i can't imagine which ranges each of them would cover (Liz is a solid mid-range voice, but i can't decide who would be higher and lower registers between Black☆Star and Kid).

Patty would be Exclusively drums and percussion and random noise maker and she's damn good at it, she probably also does fun count offs for all them when they'd start playing. Crona also plays the drums and i feel like they would also play bass, very different vibe from Patty's drumming but still a banger (lol banger, drums, ha). Patty is more "lots of noise and funky combinations" while Crona is more complicated rhythms during the solely instrumental parts. struggling with Maka b/c i think it's funny that she canonically does not know how to do any sort of music, so i think she'd probably mainly be sound and organization help since there's so many of them. HOWEVER, i feel like she'd also be really good at having one of those soundboards and balancers and all that shit (thinking about those ones w/ the square light up keys and also the ones w/ the sliders and switches and whatnot) so she'd be in the back of the ensemble with all her little boards and buttons and be putting all the effects over their music. she could also maybe sing, but i'm talking backup vocals b/c she probably doesn't want to sing a lot, she likes her little tasks.

they are all probably INSANE on stage. jumping, doing flips, handstands, cartwheels, Black☆Star definitely crowd surfs, they're throwing t-shirts into the crowd ALL THE TIME. i'm imagining a situation where they have specifically placed speakers and boxes on stage some of them can literally be elevated above the others while they're playing or singing. none of them are dressed similarly but somehow it still works and you can obviously tell they're in a band. i think their band legally needs to be called Soul Eaters (or Death Sycthes??? Death Weapons???? something like that)

[oh-cosmia]

12, 17, 19 <3

hiiiii alex <333

12. a trope you’re really into right now

haha well im gonna interpret "right now" as something i got into recently... dragon romance (YOU KNOW). also doomed friendship/friends-to-enemies arcs. does "the banality of evil" count as a trope?

17. talk about your writing and editing process

**OUGH**

okay so uhhhh for fic specifically its like. if its a new fic or a oneshot i write down a really rough summary like, i just ramble in my word doc as if i was telling someone this outline. sometimes if i already rambled about fic ideas in someone's dm's ill just copy paste it and use that as an outline. this was basically how me and mal wrote the outline for wedding fic, and also i did this with me and liz's dms when i first drafted solo au. and then i just start writing and keep fleshing out the outline till its done.

if its a chapter in a longer or ongoing work, like db:

prewriting; i need to know what main events happen in this chapter and also what key information is dropped. in chapter 11, something big happens, the steward shows up! thats something thats gonna build up to something in future chapters, so it was necessary to introduce it now. another big thing happens, when min encounters a denizen whose suffering he was complicit in. those are the big things that Have to happen, but then also in between that i want to drop some pieces of information that will become relevant in later chapters. when i get an idea for something gay i will find a way to work it in-- like, i didn't Need to make min kabedon ryan in ch11, but i had a vision. i had a dream. i did that for ME

writing; okay so first i lay down . then at 9-11pm i write in stimuwrite and then copy it into a word document later. then i lay down some more. if im REALLY feelin wild and i get into a groove i just keep writing till i pass out at 2 or 3 am. sometimes i go to my favorite cafe if i need to Lock In. writing is just mostly cleaning up and expanding on my outline. when i know generally what the trajectory of the chapter is and what stuff i need to make happen, everything else i kind of make up on the spot, like, the car settings and denizens are based off of whatever ideas or images were interesting to me recently. if i see an opportunity for fun banter or interactions i'll just throw it in. if i think of something funny or gay i'll put it in too. idgaf

editing; most fun part. so first i lay down. then i get up and look at a random scene of the wip. i edit it a bit. then i lay down. then i review the whole thing and fix any obvious #cringe moments or typos or fucked up syntax. then i lay down. then i edit some more until i can bear to show someone else

peer review. i show my trusted friends the fruits of my labors. they tell me if the vibes are off. they leave comments on my docs and reactions that help me gauge if my intentions/tone came through the writing. also frankly showing my friends a wip is nice bc the writing process can be very lonely and its a good motivator to show people and get amped up to finish

illustration; i've probably been sketching ideas up till this point, but i usually pick scenes if they're either important enough to the plot that i want to give an extra "oomph" to the moment, or if i just really have a strong image in my brain during a scene.

publish it. lay down again. sleep for a week. start thinking abt the next chapters

[dreamtydraw]

In honor of Derek's birthday being yesterday -- can we hear about Cerise & Derek?

*inhale* DEREK MY BOI I FAILED U I FORGOT TO DRAW SOMETHING FOR YOUR BIRDYYYYY NAAAAAAAAAUR

*stop sobbing* WELL THE LOVERBIRDS-

I made a post once with tons of fun facts and like, a sort of large plan on how they must have liked each other when they were young (here)

But now let’s focus on some details of their actual show of affection.

٩(｡•ω•｡)و

Cerise is a hugging person, when she doesn’t talk she compensates with physical touch if comfortable enough and Derek is the first victim.

Holding hand, hugs, cuddling, arm pat, hair brushing you name it.

-Despite being taller in step 2, Cerise constantly hides behind him. (She asked for no pickle), which lead to comicly absurd situation where Derek try to be the brave one and cerise just look behind him.

This doesn’t work anymore in step 4, not only he’s now taller but also bigger, and she dosen’t need to try to be hidden now.

Despite not having seen each other in a while, some habits come back fast, and here goes holding hands again.

Right at the bus station, after she ran out to hug him tightly, they walked hand in hand as if 5 years didn’t stand between them.

-Cerise is scared of heights to the point she doesn’t go on the balcony but still hops on the Ferris to have a moment with derek.

-Early bird vs needs 30 min to wake up.

Derek is all « rise and shine, wake up sleepy head the earth says hello :D » type of person. He had time to go to the gym, go grocery shopping, take a shower, and make breakfast, Cerise woke up 10 min ago and her brain was loading it’s function on the sofa, she needed 20 more minutes.

The first night they spend in the same bed Derek wakes up early as always and here goes the hardest morning he ever had: don’t wake up the orange cat sharing your bed.

-They both have different dinner to go with each other which mean they are both in the kitchen at the same and it offers some sweet moments.

-lazy game nights where they just replay games they used to play when they were 13.

-Idk if you see the Reddit post about a guy leveling up his gf catching ability by tossing her random stuff constantly, derek would do that

-They celebrate the small victory of figuring out their life. Did your portfolio get accepted? Going out eating with the family.

-The ultimate siblings reunion- Liz takes her role as the oldest very seriously

[ambrossart]

I was wondering if there are rumors surrounding

henry, Victor and belch just like patrick? And what type of rumors ?is it creepy like the rumors about Patrick or is it just some gossip between other teenagers? And what about Evelyn? I honestly find hard to believe there aren't any rumors about her and henry like you said he was the staring type so there are definitely others who caught him staring at her and suspected something

Okay, before jumping in, I just wanna say this: none of the rumors/gossip you’re about to read are “whole school buzzing” kind of rumors. Among the main characters, Patrick is the only “popular” one and even he’s not that popular compared to the actual popular kids like Liz Mueller. Derry High’s got a lot of students, and most of them aren’t too concerned about what a bunch of sophomores are doing. They’ve got their own stuff going on.

Also, nobody can compete with Patrick. Between setting random fires around school and hooking up with just about everyone (including, allegedly, the principal’s wife), this guy can single-handedly keep the rumor mill turning for years. He’s on a whole other level. Patrick may not be popular, but he has reached a certain level of… infamy.

— Henry

Now Henry is also infamous, but not in the fun way that Patrick is. I’ve said this before, but Henry Bowers is radioactive. Most of the students would prefer him to drop out or get expelled—that’s how much they hate him. And it’s not because he’s a bully. Derry’s got plenty of bullies. It’s because he’s so angry and unstable. You can practically feel the rage radiating off of him. It’s very uncomfortable being around Henry. Nobody wants to deal with that.

For that reason, most students aren’t too eager to gossip about him, because if Henry finds out you were talking shit about him, he’s gonna come after you. Period. And for the vast majority of students, the risk simply isn’t worth it. That being said, there’s still some gossip floating around, and this usually comes from bored popular girls who aren’t scared of Henry. People like Greta Bowie, Steph Price, and Manda Bosch. I’m not sure how much of this is going to make it into the story, but at some point, Greta does make up a rumor about Henry and Beverly, just like what happened in the 2017 movie. Greta decides to piggyback off the Manda Bosch rumors in order to hurt Beverly. It’s obviously not true, Henry doesn’t give a shit about some random seventh-grader, but he sees no reason to deny it either, just like he sees no point in denying the current rumor about Manda Bosch. He wants people to think he’s having sex. Lots of sex. It’s way better than having people speculating about his sexuality.

Before moving on, I also want to say this: I think the entire town, on some level, is aware of Henry’s abuse, and they’ve known about it for years. They know it’s there, but they choose not to see it because that would make the situation too complicated and grey. They’d rather believe Henry was born bad. If his dad beats him, it’s probably because he deserves it. It’s very unfortunate.

— Belch

I think the school treats Belch the same way the fandom treats Belch:

Nobody cares about him.

All joking aside, I honestly don’t think people talk about Belch too much. He doesn’t really do anything worthy of gossip. At most, I could see people wondering out loud why he’s still hanging around Henry. As I’ve said in a previous post, Belch is a completely different person when he’s not with Henry, so I could see people being really confused by that friendship. They think he’s better off without him.

— Vic

Vic is kind of in the same boat as Belch. People don’t really spread rumors about him because Vic’s so quiet and keeps to himself.

I do, however, think there’s a small group of girls that like to talk about him amongst each other. Vic’s got a little fanclub going on. Yeah, I imagine there’s a group of like six socially awkward girls that like to talk about him and dare each other to approach him. And when he tells them to fuck off, their hearts get all fluttery. 😂 I won’t elaborate on this any further because I do have some scenes planned for Part 2, but that’s what he’s got going on.

Beyond that, have people seen him talking to Evelyn? Yeah, especially in that math class (which is why Seth wrongfully assumed they were dating). But do they go running to their friends with this information? No, because nobody cares that Victor Criss sometimes talks to Evelyn Tozier. That’s not exactly hot gossip.

— Evelyn

Although Evelyn is the main character of this story, she’s not exactly the main character at school. She’s not popular. In fact, most students find her incredibly annoying (like those people at the bonfire, for instance; they reflect what most people think about Evelyn). Occasionally, mean girls like Steph or Greta spread rumors about her, like the one where she’s addicted to caffeine pills, but that’s about it. Mostly people just make fun of her behind her back. They mock her posters and all her lame anti-bullying campaigns. They laugh when Martin spray-paints the C-word on her locker. It’s all childish stuff like that.

Now you asked if people were suspicious about Henry and Evelyn, if people have noticed Henry staring at her. They absolutely have noticed him staring, but they probably just assume he wants to sleep with her or something (either that or… y'know, kill her. With Henry, that's always a strong possibility). It’s a common cliche, right? The bad boy and the little goodie-two-shoes. Nobody is putting that much thought into it. Nobody is sitting there thinking, “Gee, I wonder if Henry likes her.” They can’t imagine Henry having genuine feelings for anyone, and they definitely can’t picture him dating, especially not someone like Evelyn. Yeah, if Evelyn’s gonna date anyone, it’s gonna be some over-achieving dweeb like Jake Newham. That’s what people assume.

Very few suspect something is going on between Evelyn and Henry.

But some do. Oh, some definitely do…

[hanniluvi]

moots as idols?

ooo another one of these asks ^^ i always have fun doing these i swear … once again, i chose random moots so in apologize if i didnt do you !!

SEOL — @wvnkoi : HEESEUNG FROM ENHA

im telling u…ure like heeseung 2.0 its crazy. like u guys r chaotic as hell and then suddenly it just goes downhill… and ure a player too I guess 😒 my little dramatic hee alike ❤️❤️❤️ (heeseung is shivering as u could potentially take his spot) love u my little hee to my jake 😊❤️

KAYLA — @haknom : MARK FROM NCT

idk you guys just give the same vibe…like ure awks but chill YKWIM??? since u guys r both goofy and i like goofy people 😊❤️ . very nice and fun idol to be with 😊

RI — @flwrshee : JUNGWON FROM ENHYPEN

IDK MAN BUT URE SO SWEET . like u seem to care about ur friends a lot and i appreciate that 💔 just like jungwon, ri seems to be comforting and like a person u can always reach out too !

CHAE — @tnyhees : YUNJIN FROM LESSERA

i see the vision. do you see the vision. vv sweet and looks like someone they can just talk to or speak for advice! just a bubbly personality <333

SUNNY — @sunoksunny : JUN FROM SVT

IDK WHY but u guys seem similar … like calming but also chaotic?!?! i think ure very random and would pull up random topics to talk abt from time to time but hey who doesn’t love that here <3

YEN — @yenqa : LIZ FROM IVE

my lovely yen <3 i love liz and idk yen reminds me of her … just two people i love i guess 😊😊 youre like vv welcoming BUT also shy at the same time ykwim?!?! once u talk more with yen, u get to really see her fun personality and other stuff <33

EM — @woon2u : JAEMIN FROM NCT

HEAR ME OUT yall both seem chaotic and full of energy… may not be accurate (its a sign for us to talk more 😘) BUT IT IS TO ME . like u guys r both funny and both literally quite gaf 😭😭 . so overall u seem like such a fun person to hang out and talk with 🫶 !

thats all for now but i am willing to do more people if needed 😘😘😘

[romanceandshenanigans]

Writer Q&A Game

Thanks to @clairelsonao3 for tagging me!

1. What motivates you to write?

I'm not exactly sure tbh. It almost feels like a compulsion. There are days where I simply do not feel good in my body if I haven't written anything. Then there are others where I can't bring myself to write because I'm too tired or too distracted from life. Honestly the second I get a clear head and enough time to myself, I'll start writing.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

This isn't from my WIP, but from a fanfic I wrote a while ago. I want to try to find a way to incorporate it into something. Not sure where though.

“I know this seems like it’s coming out of nowhere,” he said, “but promise it’s not. I’ve had a long time to think about it.  A few years, actually. I guess, I just didn’t realize how deep I was in it until about five minutes ago.”

She kept silent, but the simple fact she hadn’t told him to get out gave him the confidence to keep going. . 

“I meant it when I said I’m crazy about you. I like that you take your sugar with a drop of coffee.  I like how you sing to yourself when you’re happy.  I like that you never seem to get cold.  I like that you never lose your head under fire, but still need me to get rid of spiders. I like that you can laugh at yourself.  I like that you can laugh at me. Hell, I like that you’re perfectly willing to slap my face if the situation calls for it.

I like so many things about you Liz, and that’s just the stuff I found out on accident.  I can only imagine the stuff I’d learn if I started loving you on purpose."

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

I really do enjoy writing Finn. The boy just makes my smile.

Close second is another OC which I wrote for fanfic who I want to save and put someplace else, Lucy. She's my softest girl who has a lot of love to give. Might figure out a way to put her in this regency setting somewhere, but who knows.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The first draft spree. The moment when you get an idea and you have write it down as quickly as possible. It's rough and definitely will need some editing, but that rush cannot be topped. It just feels satisfying to exorcise even the smallest of scenes out of my body.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Dialogue, hands down. It's at least the part I've gotten the most compliments on.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I've only just started to dip my toe in, but I really do love answering asks. I like seeing other writer's process and knowing I'm not alone. It's just fun!

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I've been using Scrivener and it's really helped me keep everything organized. I have a very conspiracy board way of drafting, so having all my random snippets in one place really helps.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Not sure world building is my strong suit for this current WIP. I suppose I'm enjoying expanding the world of the theatre, but I admittedly need to do more research.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Write anyway. It doesn't have to be the scene that's giving you trouble. It doesn't even have to be for the piece you're trying to focus on, just don't get out of the habit of writing. Once you lose that momentum, it takes a long time to get it back.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

Gotta give a shout out to @clairelsonao3 for being so welcoming in my introduction to the writeblr community. And @janec23, for being one of the few specifically romance writers to reach out.

But I really can't begin to thank all the people who have followed me from my fanfic blog over to this one. It really means so much to know people are interested in reading anything I put out there.

@flapjacques, @jo-harrington, @can-of-pringles, @handahbear, @auroramagpie, @justanothersadperson93, @sad-cat-hours, @ghostface001, @theowlwhocameback, @mattmurdocksscars, @roruna, @everything-intertwined, @sweetjedi, @arcanerazil, @vibratingbonesbis, @delirious0pandemonium, @llovelykenobi, @geek-girl7, @mixedupanddown

Know that I love and appreciate you all.

I'm also going to leave this an OPEN tag to anyone who wants to do this, and especially invite everyone who I have tagged above. (and

[lxvenderdreamy]

hi! (idk if im requesting to much ur writing style is just so *chefs kiss* amazing and wonderful omg) also! thank you for clearing up the symbol stuff i was confused on what counted as a need for the lemon and what didnt :)

but would you be able to write a soul X m!reader X Kid fic about Soul and Kid maybe playing basketball late at night and seeing a dude doing graffiti on the side of a building? maybe they like go to confront the dude and realise its m!reader? idk how it would go from there, but i think it would be cool if they caught him doing something like that :)

Oh my gosh…it’s like 5 in the morning and i’m seeing this. The biggest smile is on my face right now when I saw this. Thank you so much for requesting, everytime when I see someone request it just makes me so happy. I’m also very happy that you love my writing and it just enlightens everything for me. And no, I will never get tired of someone requesting❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I can imagine Soul being really competitive during a game of basketball between Kid. He doesn’t like to lose cause it’s just not cool to lose to someone who loves symmetry and hated asymmetrical…and who has three damn stripes on the top of his head as he rants about the symmetry crap.

Kid isn’t all that competitive, at first when Soul invited him to a game of late night basketball he just wanted to get some sleep and thought that it would just be a waste of life. I mean who plays basketball late at night?

Soul. He plays basketball late at night, you can even count Kid in if you want.

Kid knew that it wasn’t gonna be as easy as it was with Blackstar when they all played Basketball. Soul was way more in upper hand in basketball and other sports than Blackstar was. But it wouldn’t be so bad to have a challenge once in awhile right?

You would expect for the basketball course would be quiet, all the sound that’s going on should be the basketball and the sounds of feet running to make a goal. But that wouldn’t be so fun now would it?

Soul and Kid made snide comments at one another playfully…or should I say were???

Soul had made a not-so-nice comment on Kid’s hair when he shouldn’t have, making Kid sulk and call himself garbage. Since Kid was basically distracted Soul got himself a free point.

Kid was upset with this of course, calling Soul a weakling due to Soul making Kid get distracted by pointing out something that he should’ve kept in his mouth where it belonged. So not cool of him. But Soul thought it was cool and he rolled with it much to Kid’s dismay.

After a few good shots were made into the basket, the two sat down. They were hot and exhausted after playing basketball, drinking out of their water bottles as if they haven’t put any liquid into their bodies for months.

They talked for some time about random stuff. Soul asked about how Liz and Patty were doing and Kid asked how Maka was doing as well, normal talk between one another. Of course they had to talk about the rounds of basketball they played and what had happened with the snide comments.

Kid was still upset that Soul would distract him like that just so that he could get a free point in. But he didn’t feel all that upset when Soul gave him an apology that was legit. Soul may do things that can be cool in his eyes but he takes responsibility when the things that he does aren’t cool in someone else’s eyes. That’s good that he does that, it shows that he’s aware of his friends and how they take things. Some of his friends take things to heart, some don’t.

They stopped talking when they heard a can shake and looked towards the direction of it. It sounded like a can that was specially made for…graffiti?

Soul and Kid decided to slowly walk over to see what the noise was about. If someone was doing Graffiti then they would stop them. But if they aren’t then what could the person possibly be doing..?

When the two of them peeked over the wall, they couldn’t believe their eyes! It was Y/n, and he was doing graffiti! How surprising.

Soul and Kid looked back at one another before walking over to Y/n, calling out to him.

You just was taking a walk around Death City, wanting something to do in a night like this. Usually, you don’t be walking the streets of Death City, mainly cause there is much to do and it could be dangerous. But ok this particular night…you had ordered some cans of colorful spray. You were gonna do some graffiti. As bad as it was you didn’t care, it would give you something to do. I mean? Whose gonna stop you?

Kid and Soul of course.

When you heard Soul call your name, you looked over to see Kid and Soul. You have them a small “Oh hey.” before turning back to destroying the wall with the colorfulness of the sprays. You didn’t care in the slightest bit?

Soul took the spray can out of your hand, saying how it’s not cool to vandalize while wiggling a finger in your face as you looked at him plainly. Kid also said that your writing is disgusting and it’s not symmetrical. You were just, “Okay? You act like you don’t be walking around these parts with three stripes on the top of your head, walking and talking about symmetry and crap💀”

Kid is just getting ate up in this.

Kid is just so upset again, what’s wrong with you people? Are y’all just out to get him or something?

You and Soul make eye contact for a few seconds before looking back down at the wailing Meister at your feet. You sighed as you grabbed Kid’s hand and pulled him back onto his two feet, saying how you didn’t mean any of what you said (TOTALLY…) and how you think his stripes are nice. Soul just shakes his head, knowing that your lying but he can’t be loyal either. He did mean to distract Kid and get his free point.

Don’t tell him that.

Soul offers if you wanted to play some basketball with him and Kid. Your just like, “how??” cause the number is odd. Soul just smirks at you and says that he doesn’t mind doing a 1v2.

So that’s what y’all did, y’all did 1v2 with one another (which sucked because one of y’all were either getting beat by one person despite being in a group of two, or one of y’all just getting jumped by two people but in the form of basketball.)

Overall, it was nice to have fun and be able to do this with your two good friends. Being able to go out and finally do something really sparked this night for you. Maybe there is a little something to do here late at night, especially if it’s here with your friends.

[whentherewerebicycles]

processing some weight gain stuff under the cut

okay. in 18 weeks of pregnancy I have gained 15 pounds, which according to the guidelines I was given is a LOT more than I’m supposed to have gained at this stage. based on my starting weight I am only supposed to gain 15-25 lbs total across the entire pregnancy, which idk people seem to be mixed on whether that’s actually realistic but that is what the doctor says. in the last two weeks I went up 4 lbs, and that was with a terrible cold that totally killed my appetite and made it very easy to not indulge in holiday food (I couldn’t taste anything). I am exercising a little less (30-45 min daily walks instead of 45-75) but not like, SO much less yknow? and I have also been tracking my caloric intake on an app to make sure I’m not going over (although I think my real motivation there is if a doctor gives me a hard time about weight gain I’m going to be like yeah well here’s 15+ weeks of data on my eating habits so you tell ME what’s going on).

the point is that based on a calories in calories out model I shouldn’t be gaining this much weight this fast but I am. that’s just what seems to be happening! so I think I just have to LET GO and accept that my body is going to do whatever it thinks is best to support the pregnancy. I can still make good choices but I need to decouple the choices from the outcomes. or like, I need to accept that my good choices will produce good outcomes (I’ll be eating nourishing food and moving my body regularly!) but those outcomes will probably not include weight loss or a slowing of weight gain. here is what I will continue doing:

meal plan every week—I might want to start thinking about meal planning snacks too esp as I am feeling hungrier during the day

eat lots of fruits and vegetables every day

eat very limited amounts of processed foods and watch out for added sugars

walk briskly for 30-45 min a day

go to this hourlong weights class at least 2x a week (ideally 3x) and tack on 20-25 min of cardio on the bike after

I could also try going to the gym more often to do low-impact cardio—like trying to work in a couple days a week where I do 45 min on the elliptical while watching an episode of TV. I do find that in the past doing a lot of that mindless low effort activity seems to help with weight maintenance and is pretty easy to sustain because I’m just like, as long as I’m moving it counts! I don’t have to be pushing myself super hard! this is probably most doable for me on the weekends (and if I’m at the gym already it increases the chances that I might decide to run too).

ok so here’s a rough plan:

sat & sun: walk dogs (30-45 min x 2) + try to do 30 min x 2 of extra cardio while watching TV at the gym (or when liz is feeling better I can see if she wants to go together or do pregnancy workout videos)

mon & tues: weights class one of those days depending on work schedule + 20 min extra cardio one day + 30-45 min walk both days

wed: 30-45 min walk

thurs: this is my busy/long day with work stuff and rehearsal, but I can usually squeeze in a 20 min dog walk and could try parking far away and walking into work on days when it isn’t raining to get another 20+ min in

fri: weights class + 30-45 min walk

and I gotta remember I can make the walks less boring by 1) driving to a random neighborhood and walking from there and 2) talking to friends on the phone instead of just listening to stuff.

OKAY. the takeaway is: I DO NOT NEED TO FEEL GUILT OR SHAME ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM PUTTING ON A LOT OF WEIGHT. I AM FOUR AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT! THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT MY BODY IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING! I ALSO REFUSE TO LET DOCTORS OR THE INTERNET MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY ABOUT MY WEIGHT, BECAUSE I KNOW I AM MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES THAT ARE GOOD FOR MY BODY, MY BABY, AND MY MENTAL HEALTH. I ALSO WANT TO GENTLY DECOUPLE GOOD/HEALTHY CHOICES FROM SPECIFIC OUTCOMES. EATING WELL AND STAYING ACTIVE THROUGH MY PREGNANCY MAY NOT KEEP ME FROM GAINING “EXCESS” WEIGHT. BUT IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER IN MY BODY/SELF. IT WILL ENSURE THAT MY BABY IS GETTING LOTS OF GOOD NUTRIENTS. IT WILL HELP ME SLEEP BETTER AND FOCUS MORE AT WORK. IT WILL HOPEFULLY MAKE LABOR AND RECOVERY A LITTLE BIT EASIER TOO! I AM DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS AND IT IS OKAY THAT MY BODY IS NOT CONFORMING TO THE PRESCRIBED NORM. I TRUST MY BODY AND ASSUME IT HAS ITS REASONS!!!!!!!!!!!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Do people know about this? If you use Firefox (which you should be), you can use it to make Twitter bearable. I made a Twitter account ages ago just to follow a whole bunch of comedians because while I have no interest in Tweeting or otherwise engaging on there, I figured I occasionally take a glance at Twitter to see what comedians are doing and it might be convenient to have all my favourites in one spot. But they're not! The Twitter home page isn't like the Tumblr home page, it doesn't just show you people you follow, it shows you a few posts from people you follow and all kinds of other shit. I'd seen people on Tumblr talking about the dreaded algorithm of other social media sites before, but I hadn't had any idea how bad it is or how it makes every social media site besides Tumblr (and Reddit, I guess, to be fair to them, the site that ten years ago I thought of as the cesspit of the internet, every year Reddit looks better and better) unusable.

Anyway, I've installed this Firefox extension that makes Twitter function properly, it shows you the people you actually followed and gets rid of other shit, and it gets rid of all the annoying sidebar things and recommendations and trending tags and shit like that. You can just scroll through a list of Tweets by people you've chosen to see. I still don't go in there more than once a month or so, I'm not going to become a Twitter user or anything, but I have started finding it all right in there as an occasional thing. (I may have also recently created an Instagram account for the same reason, would never post on there but I've been told it's the place to go for comedy news, yet my Instagram feed is even worse, at some point they straight-up run out of stuff by people I followed and start showing me absolutely nothing but random bullshit, and I don't know of an extension to fix that site).

Anyway, tonight my entire Twitter feed is just trading off, one and then the other, between Frankie Boyle bitterly liveblogging the election debate with increasingly scathing comments about both major party leaders but worse ones about Sunak, not even in his usual over-the-top comedy way but just expressing genuine acrimony and occasional fact checks; and Joe Lycett posting pictures of Liz Truss with the caption "I miss her every single day". Fuck Twitter and everything it stands for and all, but I have to admit, that's a pretty funny thing to scroll through on this evening.

[mayxthexforce]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

respond to the prompts out of character!

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? Hard to say. I gravitate towards obscure and tertiary characters because of the freedom that gives me to develop them beyond what we were given, but I also have some characters who have A LOT of lore (Obi-Wan, Luke, Leia, Han) because of how much information there is to pick from. I guess something else that most of my muses have in common is that they are, to different degrees, confident and passionate about whatever goals they have, no matter how different those goals might be or how different their alignments are. They might not be too sure about who they are as individuals, but they know where they stand, they know the role they play, and they're either embracing it or actively rejecting it.

is there anything you don’t like to write? There's a few. A big one is smut for the sake of smut and violence for the sake of violence, for both I need a certain amount of plotting and some kind of chemistry between the muses + understanding with the other mun of how things might go. Cheating plots are a huge no, I don't want my muses to cheat nor to get cheated on. Obviously incest, non-con, anything involving bathroom stuff in the bedroom. Also I don't enjoy writing one liners-single paragraph replies, the shortest I can give is 2 paragraphs without counting dialogue lines and even that is super rare.

is there anything you really enjoy writing? I love fleshing out dynamics that didn't exist in canon (e.g: Han and Dryden, Maulkiller and Maul, Myles and Din, Koska and Paz, Roan and Anakin, Nuru and Thrawn) or didn't get explored as much as they could have because they were more background dynamics (e.g: Quinlan and Agen, Sabé and Anakin, Garen and Obi-Wan, Medrit and Boba, Bossk and Jango, Elodore and Dooku). I also love writing the scenes in between, the things we didn't get to see but that could have led to how things went.

how do you come up with headcanons? I look at a character and focus on the gaps in the story. Be it a blank in the plot like what Sabé's family life was like for her to so quickly and happily leave them behind and never look back, or something small like what about hoi-broth makes Obi-Wan have such dire allergic reactions (it's the oxidized spices).

do you write in silence or do you play music? either with instrumental/repetitive music or with some random YouTube video (analog horror and AITA compilations are very useful for this lately) in the background. A personal favorite for writing or Under Giant Trees by Agnes Obel.

do you plan your replies or wing them? I plot them a bit. First, I figure out what my character would do and say in response to what my partner's reply said, if it's a longer reply I even do bullet points, and then I actually put it into words.

do you enjoy shipping? I love shipping. Romantic, platonic, familial. It's all awesome!

what’s your alias/name? Mica.

age?  23.

birthday? October 29th.

favorite color?  Green, red, purple.

favorite song?  Zombie by The Cranberries.

last movie you watched?  Diary of the Dead by George A Romero.

last show you watched?  The Simpsons.

last song you listened to? Ainsi Bas La Vida by Indila.

favorite food?  Rice and tuna with butter and cheese.

favorite season?  Spring.

do you have a tumblr best friend? I have a few. Tanya (corruptedforce), Vani (galaccias) and Luna (foundjarin) have been here since my humble beginnings. Break (mutatiio) is a more recent addition but I'm just as attached. Cato (monstarousmythos) isn't in this fandom but has put up with me through it and through so many other fandoms, and then there's Liz (nieithryn) and Viktor (@virulentmastermind) who I've been talking to a lot lately and really enjoy our conversations. Special mention to Dylan, who -while most of our interactions happen on discord- first interacted with me through Tumblr and I wouldn't be this deep into Star Wars roleplay if it wasn't for them being the first nice experience I had in this RPC.

TAGGED BY: Stolen from @nieithryn.

TAGGING: @galaccias, @corruptedforce, @d4gangera, @monstarousmythos, @mutatiio, @k4ssa, @tacticalvalor, @foundjarin.

[becauseplot]

Hi hi hi :D

My header was gettin crowded so I figured I might as well just make an intro post lmao.

Welcome!

My name is Curly! You can call me Curly, or becauseplot, or bp, or bitchass---anything along those lines will do <3

I use he/she/they pronouns (in no particular order, go nuts) and I am not a minor!

Below the cut: interests, style of posting, tags list/system, ao3, and more! (Important bits are bolded!)

[x]

The things I'm Normal:tm: about

QSMP remains a background interest of mine but it's still beloved. Faves are qphilza (rly just ANY philza rp characters) and qcellbit. I also love DSMP, TotK, and BotW. Sometimes I'll jumpscare you with a Sherlock Holmes post just because. (Holmes and Watson have my whole heart. They <3)

I'm also in the middle of watching Ordem Paranormal! I've watched AOP, OSNF, and am making my way through OPD. Liz my beloved.

I am nothing if not long-winded (if you couldn't already tell from the length of this lmaooooo)

I like+reblog+tag pretty much EVERYTHING. So sorry if I clutter your notifs, I just have the inexplicable urge to add Every Post to my Hoard.

I talk a lot in tags. Like, a LOT. Also, my posts have a tendency to ramble. I have thoughts and internet access and that is a very ill-advised combination <3

I do swear a lot!!! Always know that if I'm swearing I am never genuinely mad/upset I do it for the funnies and the funnies only.

#organized (not really)

I do have a tagging system but it's kinda!! Wonky!!! I'll organize it one of these days I swear. For the most part, if you want stuff (qsmp-related) I've saved on...

a specific character: "q![character]" (yes even the npcs like the eggs)

duos: "[______] duo" (or their ~special~ duo name, ex "codebreakers", "crimeboys", etc)

shipping content: the ship name lmao

clips: "qsmp clips for the soul"

funny/neat in-game/webcam screenshots: "qsmp reaction images"

I also save stuff about major arcs and special events under specific tags, so keep an eye out for these too:

"qsmp festa junina"

"qsmp spiderbit wedding"

"qsmp election event" (stuff to do with the whole election arc)

"qsmp dinner event" (the election dinner with the imposter eggs)

"egg-napping part 3" (posts to do with the egg disappearances, mainly the first few days and the black concrete)

"happy all the time" (happy pills arc)

"a dose of reality" (the end/aftermath of the happy pills arc)

"q viva mexico" (mexican independence day event)

"qsmp dia de muertos"

"qsmp purgatory"

"qsmp purg finale" (or 11/18, what we thought was a finale)

"purg 2 electric boogaloo" / "qpurgatory 2" (AWWW SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN)

"@v@" (qforever possession stuff)

qsmp prison event

q2024 opening (YOOO HAPPY NEW YEAR)

A couple other tags!

"qmongus" (qsmp amongus lobby)

"qoutlast" (qsmp plays outlast trials)

"qtwitter” (twitter posts, usually does NOT include event updates tho)

“qsmp event updates” (HERE are the event updates!)

"twitchcon paris" (mostly stuff about qsmp cc's meeting up)

"qsmp brazil meetup"

"qsmp vegas meetup"/"twitchcon vegas"

"qsmp french alps meetup"

“streamer awards 2024”

"fruit mountain tournament" (cellbit's fruit mountain tournament!)

"qpositivity" (positive posts praising qsmp, for when the discourse and neg gets to be too much <3 )

Another random tag I have: "the dynamic of all time" - Posts that give me vibes of a character/relationship dynamic but nothing specific enough to tag it as a given character. I just think they're neat :]

I've watched O Segredo na Floresta! Most of my posts about it are tagged under “curlyosnf”

COME SHOUT AT ME

YOU HEARD ME. ASKS ARE OPEN. TALK TO ME!!!

Bear in mind you might get a wall of text in response. You have been warned.

I remember my ao3 login sometimes

My ao3 is BecausePlot! I haven't been super active recently, but if you're interested in some of my stuff, here's a list of my 10 favorite works atm, from most to least recent <3

Relative (QSMP x Ordem au) (au is tagged: "TWLITFAU")

The Calm (Spiderbit fluff)

Miss Me? (f!Cell shows up at f!Felps' apartment)

Waking Up On The Wrong Side of the Bed (c!Phil in QSMP)

Insanity (q!Cellbit character study)

An.G.E.L.S. (OSMP x Antarctic Empire, Military au)

Danse Macabre (Parentsduo <3)

But You're Not Yourself (c!Phil and c!Techno raising c!Wilbur)

A Helping Hand (Phil gets adopted by a flock of crows)

Take My Hand (Retelling of the handcuff scene from BBC Sherlock: Reichenbach Fall)

Leaving a comment on the fic itself or in my askbox is the best way for me to talk to you and say thank you for reading! Let me appreciate you ya nerd!!

Other Schtuff

My pfp is from GranadaTV's Sherlock Holmes adaptation (with Jeremy Brett), specifically the episode The Greek Interpreter.

My banner is by wolfythewitch (from the Creature animatic I think?? I honestly don't remember lmao.)

My favorite color is green (if you couldn't tell), my favorite animal is horse, my favorite flower is dandelion, my favorite imagery to play with in writing is space/universe/atoms/stars/etc, I'm studying mechanical engineering and physics, I do shitty drawings on super rare occasions, and, last but not least,

If you are a dick about anything you will simply be blocked.

Peace and love on planet earth <3

If you have any questions, send an ask! I hope you enjoy your stay :D