#living in this moment through the pain about to come

[kirammanswifey]

arcane characters in a zombie apocalypse x fem reader (AU)

characters: viktor, jinx, vi, caitlyn, jayce, ekko, silco, mel and sevika.

writer's note: i’ve always wanted to do a dynamic like this, i’m a total zombie fan and i loved how the settings turned out. i’m literally speechless! the post-apocalyptic vibe is on point, and i can’t wait to see how the next parts unfold. this project has mad potential, guys i swear! every new twist has me hooked, and i can’t stop thinking about what’s coming next. it’s definitely got everything to be epic! as you already know request are open ;)

Viktor

The night was thick and cold, the air heavy with the echoes of a world crumbling to pieces. The streets, once bustling with life, were now engulfed in an unsettling silence, broken only by the crunch of debris under your boots. The zombie apocalypse had taken more than words could express. As you moved forward, hunger and thirst became your constant companions, but so was the hope of finding a refuge, a temporary respite amid the chaos.

It was then that you heard it. A soft, ethereal melody, floating in the air like a whisper, like a lament. You stopped, the sound calling to you like a siren, a promise of something human, something real, in a world that seemed to have lost all connection to the soul. Following the trail of the music, you arrived at a semi-collapsed building, an old concert hall. The doors were ajar, and the sound of the piano echoed through the walls, a melancholic tune speaking of losses and longings.

Entering cautiously, your eyes adjusted to the dimness, and there, in the center of the room, was him. Viktor, his slender figure bent over the piano, his long, skillful fingers gliding across the keys with a precision almost mechanical. He didn’t stop when you entered, his eyes closed, lost in a world of his own.

"Are you real or a ghost?" His voice, when he finally spoke, was soft, barely a whisper over the music. He didn’t wait for a reply, his fingers never faltering.

"I’m real... I think," you responded, stepping closer with light steps, as if afraid to break the spell he had created. "Your music... it’s beautiful. But why play for the dead?"

He opened his eyes, his gaze tired, marked by a pain you recognized immediately. "The living don’t listen. They don’t understand. The dead... they make a better audience."

It wasn’t the answer you expected, but you didn’t question it either. There was something in his voice, in the way he said it, that made you feel that this man, this stranger, carried a pain like your own. You sat at a respectful distance, not wanting to interrupt more than necessary.

"Not all the living are deaf to pain," you said softly, your eyes fixed on his hands still playing. "I understand. I’ve lost as much as you, maybe more."

For the first time, his hands stopped, and the silence filled the room. Viktor looked up at you, as if he were truly seeing you for the first time. "Why are you here?"

"I was looking for water, shelter... but now I think I was looking for something else. Something that would remind me there’s still beauty in this broken world."

There was a moment of silence, tense but full of possibility. Then, he nodded, as if accepting your presence. "The water’s in the room behind. You can stay, if you want. But don’t talk too much."

You chuckled softly, a sound you hadn’t made in weeks. "Deal."

Thus began your relationship, silent at first, sharing space with few words. Viktor played, and you listened, finding comfort in each note. Slowly, the walls he had built started to crumble. He would tell you small things, fragments of his life before the apocalypse, the people he had lost. And you shared your own stories, your own scars.

One night, after an especially sad piece, Viktor stopped playing and looked at you directly. "You remind me of someone I used to know. Someone who made me feel like I wasn’t alone."

"And now you’re not," you responded softly, taking his hand in yours, a simple gesture but one full of meaning. "You don’t have to face this alone, Viktor. No one should."

The touch was a catalyst, a spark that ignited something within him. Viktor nodded, his eyes shining with something more than pain for the first time in a long time. "Maybe... maybe you can teach me how to live again."

"And you can teach me to find peace in music," you said, your words sincere, your heart open.

It was the beginning of something deeper, a bond forged not only in shared pain but in the hope of healing together. Every night, Viktor played, not just for the dead, but for you, and in each note, you both found a path to redemption.

Jinx

The roar of gunshots and screams tore through the air, interrupting the unsettling silence of the night. You approached cautiously, your heart racing in your chest, driven by curiosity and the instinct to survive. The sounds came from a narrow alley, a trap of shadows and death.

There, you saw her for the first time.

Jinx, a whirlwind of bright colors and madness, fired with brutal precision, her eyes overflowing with an intensity that froze your blood. Her laughter was a cry of defiance, but also a disguised plea for help. Around her, the bodies of zombies fell, but it didn’t seem like she was fighting just them. There were others, humans, equally dead or dying.

"Come on! Is that all you’ve got?" she shouted, her blue braids spinning as her machine gun spat fire. There was a twisted joy in her voice, but also something deeper, something broken.

For a moment, you hesitated. This girl, this wild creature, was she someone you could help, or someone you should flee from? But something in her eyes, in the chaos of her mind reflected in her gaze, drew you in.

"Enough!" You found yourself shouting, your own words surprising you. "They're already dead!"

Jinx turned sharply toward you, her eyes narrowing, assessing you as if you were the next enemy. "And who are you? The savior of the day?" Her smile was a mix of mockery and distrust.

"No, just... someone who doesn’t want to see more unnecessary deaths," you said, raising your hands in a peace gesture. "You’ve already taken care of them."

For a moment, there was silence. Jinx lowered her weapon, though her fingers stayed tense on the trigger. "Maybe, but there’s always more. There will always be more."

"That doesn’t mean you have to fight alone," you dared to say, moving a little closer. "No need to be a war machine all the time."

She laughed, a dry and bitter sound. "And who are you to tell me what to be? The world is chaos, and I... fit perfectly in it."

"I don’t doubt it," you admitted, your voice soft but firm. "But even chaos needs a moment of calm."

Jinx stared at you, as if searching for something in your eyes, something she hadn’t found in a long time. "You’re strange, you know that? Not many come close when they see what I’m capable of."

"I’m not like the others," you simply said. "And I don’t think you are either."

For the first time, Jinx seemed to relax, lowering her weapon completely. "Maybe you’re not. What’s your name, strange one?"

You told her your name, and she repeated it, as if testing the sound on her lips. "So, are you going to follow me then, or are you just here to preach?"

"I could follow you, if you’ll let me."

She smiled, this time more genuinely. "Well then, strange one. Let’s see how much you can handle."

And that’s how your relationship with Jinx began, a whirlwind of emotions and danger. It wasn’t easy; she was unpredictable, her moods shifting like the wind, and her inner demons always lurking. But there were also moments of genuine connection, of vulnerability she only showed to you.

Over time, Jinx began to trust you more than she ever thought possible. You were the only one who could calm the storm inside her, even though sometimes she dragged you along with her. There were nights when she clung to you, whispering her fears and nightmares, and you were there to hold her.

"You’re always going to remind me that I’m not alone, right?" she asked one night, her big eyes full of a mix of hope and fear.

"Always," you reassured her, gently caressing her face. "As long as you let me stay by your side."

Jinx smiled, a smile that, though still broken, was starting to heal. "Then stay, strange one. Stay with me in this chaos."

And you did. Because, despite everything, the chaos with Jinx was where you started to feel like you belonged.

Vi

The night was dark, barely lit by the fire consuming the camp around you. The screams and mess were deafening, each second a reminder of how fragile life had become in this new world. You were trapped, surrounded by the bandits who had attacked, their cruel laughter and weapons gleaming under the light of the flames.

"What do we have here?" one of them mocked, stepping closer with a depraved smile. "Another victim of this rotten world."

You were exhausted, too weak to resist, but before they could harm you, a roar echoed through the camp. Shadows moved swiftly, and in the blink of an eye, the bandits were on the ground, neutralized by a figure who moved like lightning.

"Get out of here, or the next blow won’t be so merciful," said a firm, deep voice belonging to the woman standing in front of you. She was tall, muscular, with an aura of authority that left you speechless. Her short dark-red hair, along with the visible scars on her fists, made her unmistakable.

It was Vi, the leader of a resistance group. You had heard of her, a legend among the survivors, someone who never left anyone behind. But in person, she was even more imposing.

"Are you okay?" she asked, without wasting time, her eyes scanning your body for injuries.

"Yes... thank you," you managed to say, your voice trembling slightly. "I thought I was... done for."

"Almost," Vi said, with a slight smile that barely touched her lips. "But not while I'm on guard."

She helped you stand, her grip firm but surprisingly gentle. "Let's go, we can't stay here."

As you moved forward with her group, you noticed Vi stayed close, always vigilant. Her presence was comforting, despite her distant attitude. There was something in her eyes that made you think she had suffered too, that her strength didn't come without a cost.

Days passed, and although Vi was reserved, you noticed small moments when her facade would crumble. A lost look at the horizon, a sigh when she thought no one was listening. You couldn't help but feel curious, a need to understand her, to reach the heart of the woman who had saved your life.

"Why do you do this?" you asked one night, when the others were asleep. You were sitting by the fire, and she was on the perimeter, always alert.

"Do what?" she responded, not looking at you directly.

"Lead, protect people like me," you said, your voice soft but firm. "You could just worry about yourself, but you don’t."

Vi sighed, finally sitting next to you. "Because if I don't, who will? The world has already lost too many good people."

"And you’ve lost too, haven’t you?" you ventured, noticing how her eyes darkened at your words.

"We’ve all lost," she murmured, looking away. "But not everyone has the luxury of letting that destroy us."

"But that doesn’t mean you have to face it alone," you said, gently touching her arm. "Sometimes, sharing the weight makes it easier to bear."

Vi looked at you, surprised by your boldness, but she didn't pull away her arm. "I’m not used to sharing," she admitted, her voice almost a whisper. "I’ve always thought showing weakness is dangerous."

"It’s not weakness, Vi," you reassured, holding her gaze. "It’s humanity."

There was silence, one that seemed endless, but eventually, Vi nodded, as if your words had broken something inside her. "Maybe you're right," she said with a faint smile. "Maybe."

From that moment on, your relationship with Vi began to change. She remained the strong, distant warrior, but privately, with you, she began to lower her guard. She confided in you her fears, her memories of the past, and you were there to listen, to support her. In return, Vi became your protector, but also someone who trusted you to be her emotional anchor.

"Thank you for not giving up on me," she said one night, her voice filled with contained emotion.

"I’ll always be here for you, Vi," you replied, gently taking her hand. "Because you give me strength too."

And so, in the madness of thus new world, you both found a reason to keep fighting, together.

Caitlyn

The air smelled of decay and disinfectant. Every step you took echoed through the underground hallways of the shelter, a maze of steel and concrete that promised safety but hid dark secrets. You were injured, exhausted, and desperate for medical help. The last zombie ambush had left your group in ruins, and you had barely escaped with your life.

Following the signs toward the medical room, you stumbled until you reached a door slightly ajar, from which murmurs and the soft hum of machinery emanated. Pushing the door open, your eyes met a sight that froze you in place.

Caitlyn, a woman with a serene and elegant appearance, was standing in front of an operating table. On it lay an immobilized zombie, still half alive, groaning under the cold lights of the lab. Caitlyn seemed absorbed, meticulously recording her observations as if it were a regular patient, not a monstrous creature.

"What... what are you doing?" Your voice came out broken, almost a whisper, but loud enough for Caitlyn to glance up, her blue eyes meeting yours. There was something in them, a mixture of weariness and determination that unsettled you.

"I'm looking for answers," she said, her tone soft but firm. "If we don't understand the disease, we won't be able to stop it."

"But... experimenting on them like this?" you gestured to the zombie in horror. "This... this isn't right."

"Not right?" Caitlyn set aside her instruments and approached you with a calmness that contrasted with the situation. "What would you do then? Let humanity go extinct while we cling to our morality?"

Her words left you breathless. There was a brutal truth in what she said, but also a line you felt shouldn't be crossed. "I don't know, but this... this doesn't seem like the answer."

"I need time," Caitlyn sighed, her gaze softening slightly. "And understanding. I'm not proud of what I'm doing, but someone has to do it."

Although your initial instinct was to flee from the scene, something in Caitlyn's vulnerability made you stay. "I need help," you finally said, pointing to the wound on your arm. "I was attacked, and I barely managed to escape."

"Come," Caitlyn said, pointing to a cleaner cot on the other side of the room. "Let me help you."

As she tended to you, the silence between you two became heavy, laden with unspoken thoughts. Caitlyn worked with precision, her face showing a mix of concentration and exhaustion.

"Do you always do this alone?" you asked, trying to break the ice, your eyes fixed on hers as she stitched your wound.

"Yes," she replied without looking up. "Most people don't understand what it takes to survive in this world. They prefer to judge from afar."

"I'm not judging you," you clarified, though part of you still struggled with what you had seen. "But... maybe you need to remember why you're doing this. Not just to stop the virus, but to save what's left of us."

Caitlyn paused, her hands still holding the needle. She looked at you with an intensity that made you shiver. "And you? Why do you fight to survive?"

"Because I believe there's still something worth fighting for," you answered honestly. "And because I think if we forget that, we become them."

There was a long silence before Caitlyn resumed working on your wound, but this time her touch was softer, almost as if she were reconsidering her own actions.

From that day on, a fragile connection began to form between the two of you. Caitlyn remained the distant scientist, but in your conversations, you saw glimpses of the woman she once was—someone who had lost as much as you but still fought to find a purpose. You became her constant reminder that science and humanity were not mutually exclusive.

"Thank you for staying," she said one night, when the experiments had ceased and the shelter was calm. "Sometimes, even I need to remember there's something beyond these walls."

"There's always something more, Caitlyn," you smiled, touching her hand gently. "And you deserve it too."

And so, amidst the darkness, feelings began to emerge that neither of them had expected, a bond that promised not only a cure for the world but also for their broken souls.

Jayce

The ruined city was shrouded in a deathly silence, broken only by the occasional crunch of debris beneath your feet. You had been wandering for hours, searching for supplies in an area that had been abandoned since the outbreak began. The air was heavy with dust and desperation, but your instincts guided you, as if something else was calling you.

Turning a corner, you found yourself facing a half-collapsed building, but through one of its broken windows, a faint light filtered through. Curiosity and the need to survive pushed you inside. As you crossed the threshold, the sounds of an improvised laboratory reached your ears: the hum of machines, the clinking of glass vials, and a soft murmur.

Cautiously, you ventured further into the interior until you saw a man with light brown hair, clad in a lab coat, working frantically among various homemade devices. His concentration was so intense that he didn’t notice your presence until you stepped on a loose piece of metal.

"Who's there?" His voice was firm, though tinged with a slight tension. He quickly turned, and his eyes met yours. There was something in his gaze, a mix of distrust and exhaustion.

"Sorry," you raised your hands, showing that you were unarmed. "I didn't mean to scare you. I was just looking for supplies and saw the light. I didn't know anyone was here."

Jayce narrowed his eyes, evaluating you. "This place isn't safe. What are you doing here alone?"

"Surviving," you answered honestly. "Like everyone else. But it seems like you’re doing more than just surviving." Your eyes scanned the makeshift laboratory. "What is all this?"

Jayce hesitated for a moment before speaking. "It's... an attempt to correct a mistake. I'm looking for a cure for this damn virus."

Your eyebrows rose, impressed by his confession. "A cure? Do you really think it's possible?"

"It's all I have left," he sighed, returning to his instruments. "I can't afford to doubt."

You moved closer, watching his hands as he mixed compounds and adjusted rudimentary microscopes. "Can I help? I'm not a scientist, but I have some medical knowledge. And a lot of desire to make this work."

Jayce looked at you again, this time with a spark of hope in his eyes. "Why would you want to help me? You don’t even know if this is possible."

"Because if there’s a chance, no matter how small, it's worth trying," you replied firmly. "Besides, I don't have much to lose."

A small smile crossed Jayce's lips. "Alright. But if you stay, it'll be on my terms. This isn't a game."

"Understood," you nodded, sitting down in a nearby chair. "Where do we start?"

Days turned into weeks, and what started as a simple collaboration turned into an inseparable partnership. Jayce, always focused and methodical, found in you a companion who not only shared his determination but also reminded him of the humanity behind the science.

There were nights when frustration consumed him, when the experiments failed, and hope faded like smoke. During those moments, you were there, offering him comfort in words and actions, reminding him that he wasn’t alone in his mission.

"Jayce, you can't do this alone," you told him one night, as he sank into his chair, exhausted and defeated. "You have to let someone else share that burden."

He looked up, his tired eyes meeting yours. "I don't know if I can," he admitted. "I've made mistakes before. I don’t want to drag you into my failures."

"This isn’t just your fight," you said, taking his hand in yours. "If we're going to save this world, we’ll do it together."

Jayce gently squeezed your hand, allowing a warmth he had been repressing to seep into his heart. "Thank you," he murmured. "For staying. For believing in me."

"Always," you smiled, drawing closer, your proximity a balm for his restless soul. "You’re not alone, Jayce. And you never will be as long as I’m here."

That night, something changed between you. Science and the search for a cure were no longer the only things that united you. A deeper connection had begun, a bond that grew with every challenge overcome together, with every moment of vulnerability shared.

And so, amidst the chaos and desolation, hope no longer existed solely in Jayce's test tubes but also in the love that blossomed between you both, a cure as essential as the one you were searching for for the world.

Ekko

The night fell heavily over the ruined city, the shadows stretched long between the rubble, and the distant echoes of the infected resonated through the desolate streets. You moved cautiously, your eyes scanning every corner in search of a safe place to take refuge. You had heard rumors of a nearby shelter, but getting there would be nearly impossible without help.

The sound of a metallic click and a blue flash caught your attention from a dark corner. You approached silently, your steps light on the debris. Turning the corner, you saw a young man focused on a holographic screen, his fingers moving with astonishing speed as he hacked into a control system. His white hair shimmered under the dim light, and his face was furrowed in a mix of concentration and frustration.

"Trouble with the system?" you asked, breaking the silence.

Ekko jumped, quickly spinning toward you, his hand flying to a device on his belt. "Who are you? How did you find me?" His voice was filled with distrust.

"Easy," you raised your hands in a peace gesture. "I'm just another survivor, looking for shelter. I saw the light and thought you might help me."

He squinted, scanning you quickly. "I don't need distractions. This is delicate and complicated."

"I'm good with complicated," you replied with a slight smile. "I can help, if you let me."

Ekko hesitated for a moment, his gaze darkened by distrust. But something in your expression, in the determination of your eyes, made him reconsider. "What do you know about zombie control systems?"

"Enough to know you need someone to cover your back while you work," you said, stepping closer. "Besides, it doesn’t seem like you're in a position to turn down help."

He snorted, turning his attention back to the screen. "Fine, but don’t get in my way. This is harder than it looks."

You positioned yourself beside him, watching how his fingers flew over the controls. "Are you trying to access the shelter?"

"Yeah," he muttered, his concentration returning to the task. "If I can hack this system, we could gain access to a safe place. But it's protected by layers of security that... well, they're a headache."

"Let me take a look," you leaned closer to the screen, your fingers brushing against his. "I can help with that."

The days that followed were filled with long hours of work, where you and Ekko collaborated closely, sharing technical knowledge and survival strategies. Every time he wavered under pressure, you were there to offer him a steady hand, a word of encouragement.

One night, as you worked in silence, Ekko spoke, his voice low and filled with guilt. "All of this... the virus... it's my fault."

You looked at him, surprised by his confession. "What do you mean?"

"I was part of an experiment that went wrong," he admitted, his eyes fixed on the screen. "I thought I was helping, but I only made things worse."

You stepped closer, taking his hand in yours. "Ekko, we all make mistakes. But you're doing everything you can to fix it. That's what matters."

He looked at you, his eyes reflecting a mix of vulnerability and gratitude. "You... you see something good in me, despite everything."

"Because there is," you said softly. "And I won't let you drown in guilt. We'll get through this together."

That night, as the world continued to crumble around them, a spark of hope and something deeper began to blossom between you two, a bond that would be as strong as the mission you shared.

Silco

The smell of mold and decay filled the air of the abandoned casino as you moved cautiously, your breath controlled and your senses on high alert. The echo of your footsteps resonated in the silence, broken only by the faint hum of a slot machine that, miraculously, was still working. Your goal was clear: find supplies and get out of there before the place became your tomb.

However, fate had other plans.

"What’s a fascinating creature like you doing in a place like this?" The voice came from the shadows, velvet and dangerous. Your body tensed instantly, spinning on your heels with your hand ready to reach for your weapon.

From the threshold of an old VIP room, a man emerged, his slender figure and sharp gaze striking you immediately. His elegant demeanor, despite the surroundings, and his green-blue eyes trapped you at once. You didn’t know who he was, but his presence carried a weight you couldn’t ignore.

"Looking for luck?" The man raised an eyebrow, his thin, calculating smile evident.

"I don’t believe in luck," you responded firmly, keeping your guard up. "Only in what I can take for myself."

"An interesting philosophy," he murmured, stepping closer with slow steps, his presence dominating the room. "But here, everything has a price."

"I don’t have time for games." You kept your voice steady, trying not to show the slight tremor in your fingers as he stopped a few meters away from you.

"Games?" The man’s laugh was low, almost a whisper. "There are no games, only transactions. And you, it seems, aren’t willing to lose."

"The same could be said about you," you challenged, holding his gaze. "What are you after?"

For a moment, the silence between you two stretched, heavy with tension. The man tilted his head as if deciding whether to reveal more or continue his game. Finally, he spoke, his tone serious and measured.

"The same as you," he said, his voice deep. "Survive."

"And manipulate," you added, not missing a beat.

The man laughed again, but this time, there was something different in his laugh, something you couldn’t quite decipher. "Maybe," he admitted, with a frankness that unsettled you. "But don’t we all manipulate in our own way to get what we want?"

"Not everyone sells their soul in the process," you retorted.

"Ah," he took another step closer, almost touching you. "And you, what would you be willing to do to survive?"

His words hung in the air like a challenge, and for the first time, you noticed the faint shadow of something beyond his cold facade: curiosity. This man, the manipulator, seemed genuinely interested in you, not just as a pawn in his game, but as someone who could be just like him.

"Whatever it takes," you said, not backing down. "But never at the cost of my humanity."

The man looked at you for a long moment, as if committing every word to memory. Finally, he took a step back, his lips curling into an enigmatic smile.

"Then perhaps we can find a common purpose," he offered, his tone softer, almost... inviting?

The relationship that began that night was a constant dance between power and vulnerability. Silco, accustomed to manipulating and controlling, found himself intrigued by your resistance, by your ability to see beyond his calculating facade. And you, despite your reservations, couldn’t help but feel drawn to the enigma that was Silco, to the intensity with which he challenged you and made you question your own limits.

Over time, the barriers between you both began to crumble, revealing a bond that you both had denied for a long time. Silco, the man who seemed unbreakable, showed moments of humanity that only you could see. And you, the woman who swore never to compromise her morals, found in him a reason to reconsider where survival ended and true life began.

Mel

The silence in the field was oppressive, broken only by the crunch of leaves under your boots as you approached the isolated house on the outskirts of the city. You had heard rumors about this place, of a woman who lived there, far from others, taking care of something... or someone. You needed shelter and, perhaps, answers.

The house was old but well-maintained, a sign that, despite the circumstances, whoever lived there kept up an appearance of normalcy. You approached slowly, with the distrust that had become your second nature. You knocked on the door, hoping someone would answer, or that the echo inside would confirm the place was empty.

The door creaked open, and there she was: Mel. Her beauty was ethereal, almost as if she didn’t belong to this desolate world. Her eyes, however, were another story, filled with a pain you recognized instantly.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was soft but had an edge that made you hesitate before answering.

"I’m looking for a safe place," you said, keeping your hands visible to show you weren’t a threat. "I just need to rest for a while and move on."

Mel studied you for a moment, her eyes searching for something in your expression. "No one comes here by accident," she murmured, almost to herself. "Come in."

The inside of the house was warm, a contradiction to the cold you felt in your chest. Mel led you to the living room, where the fire flickered weakly. The house was decorated with little keepsakes, photos of better times. However, a door at the end of the hallway was locked, and your instinct told you that was where the real reason for her isolation lay.

"Why are you here, really?" Mel sat down in front of you, her hands folded in her lap, but her eyes still filled with caution.

"I didn’t want to stay in the city. There’s... there’s nothing there for me." You averted your gaze, unable to hold hers for long. "I lost my family."

The tension in the room thickened, and for a moment, Mel seemed to wrestle internally. Finally, she sighed and offered you a cup of tea. "I’ve lost things too... important things."

The conversation halted, but in that silence, something began to form. An unspoken understanding between two broken people in the same world.

Days passed, and during that time, you noticed that Mel would disappear for hours, always returning with a distant expression. You didn’t want to press, but curiosity, mixed with concern, was a potent combination.

Finally, one night, when the moon was high, you got up and followed Mel. You found her in that locked room, the door slightly ajar now. Inside, you saw a child... or what was left of one. His skin was pale, his eyes hollow, but he still moved, still responded to Mel.

"He shouldn’t be here," Mel whispered, noticing your presence. "But I can’t let him go. He’s all I have left."

"I don’t judge him," you said, moving closer slowly. "I just wanted to understand."

"Understand what?" Mel turned to you, her eyes filled with tears. "How can a mother hold on to something that’s no longer her child? How can I live with this lie?"

"Because you love," you answered, your voice soft, almost a whisper. "And love isn’t always logical."

That was the moment everything changed. Mel began to open up more, sharing not only her pain but also her hopes, her fears. And in those moments, you became someone special to her, someone who didn’t judge her, who saw her as a woman fighting to keep a spark of her humanity alive.

The relationship between the two of you grew amidst the ruin, with each day bringing you closer, with each confession building a bridge of trust and understanding. In a world where everything was lost, you had found something new in each other: a reason to keep going.

Sevika

The sound of gunshots echoed through the ruins, blending with the screams and chaos around you. You were running, your feet frantic on the gray ground, the air thick with the dust rising from the collapsed structures. Your refuge had been attacked, and just as you found yourself trapped, a shadow intervened between you and the danger.

The woman who rescued you was unlike the others. Her presence was imposing, an echo of strength and determination. Her face was marked by scars, not only physical but emotional as well. Desperation was palpable in her eyes, but also a kind of warm darkness, as if she had long since given up on the light. You didn't say anything when her firm hands lifted you and dragged you to a safer place. The warmth of her body, the tension in her posture, all spoke of a heavy past, battles fought long before the one you'd just faced.

"Are you okay?" Sevika's voice was deep, sharp, but there was something in her tone that, though distant, made you feel like you weren't alone.

"Yes," you responded, though the fear still gripped your chest. "Thank you."

"It's nothing. Not the first time I've done this." Her intense gaze scanned the area before settling back on you. "Why do you keep fighting? There's no hope here."

Your eyes met, and for a moment, the world around you faded away. The question she asked, so simple and direct, struck a deep chord. Sevika wasn't expecting an answer, but in that moment, you felt the need to share the truth.

"Because I believe there's still something worth fighting for," you said, each word full of conviction. "People can be better, even in a broken world."

Sevika looked at you for a long moment, as if your words were a puzzle she was trying to solve. For a brief instant, her disbelief showed, and a bitter smile formed on her lips.

"That's what sets us apart, you see? I don't believe in those people anymore. Humanity is lost. There's no redemption."

Her words were like a dagger thrown without remorse, but something in her tone suggested that, perhaps deep down, she still wanted to believe it. She wanted it as much as you did.

Time passed, and although at first her presence was a kind of protective shadow, your own faith in the good of people began to penetrate the hardness of Sevika. Day by day, you realized that beneath that layer of disillusionment, there was something more. When the battle finally ended and the calm seemed to settle in the camp you'd managed to find shelter in, Sevika began to share fragments of herself. Her gaze was no longer as cold when she looked at you; she even let out a low laugh when, with your unwavering optimism, you insisted that the world could still have a chance.

"You’re going to end up killing me with all this hope," she joked one day, as you walked through the ruins of what once had been a vibrant city.

"I’d do it gladly," you replied, smiling. "If it meant you’d ever see that there’s more to this world than just survival."

And it was in those small interactions, in that resistance to disillusionment, where something more began to grow between you. Sevika started to depend on you, though she never said it aloud. Perhaps she didn’t understand how, but she felt that your presence was the only reminder of something she had lost long ago: the belief that even the most broken could find purpose, a path.

One night, after a long day, you sat next to her, watching the fallen stars that adorned the sky. The softness of the moonlight illuminated her face, and for a moment, you could see something beyond the woman hardened by life. She, who had never shown vulnerability, slowly turned toward you, her voice barely a whisper.

"I don’t understand why you follow me, I don’t understand why you haven’t walked away. What I do... what I am... isn’t something someone like you should stay for."

Your hand touched hers, without thinking. "Because I believe in you, Sevika. And I don’t care what you’ve done, what you’ve lost. The only thing that matters to me is what you choose to do now."

There was a long silence, but not an uncomfortable one. Sevika didn’t answer right away, but something in her expression changed. Somewhere inside, she began to accept what she hadn’t been able to believe before: that maybe, just maybe, humanity wasn’t as lost as she thought. And perhaps, just perhaps, there was something in her worth saving.

From that moment, the barriers between you began to crumble, though Sevika would never stop being who she was. She was a woman who had lost much, but also someone capable of changing, even if only in small doses. And you, with your unshakable faith, continued to be her refuge, her contradiction, the reminder that maybe hope hadn’t entirely disappeared after all.

[cvnntagious]

:: babydaddy!matt finally confronts brat!reader about her sudden distance, but it doesn’t quite go as expected

conversations like these were hard for matt, to say the least — he hated to feel like he was overstepping boundaries you'd so carefully set in any way, but he had to. everything was going so well between you two. for it to all suddenly slip between his ringed fingers like water? he couldn't just sit back and let you push him away like this.

with the silence in the living room, save for the cartoon mazzy had fallen asleep watching beside matt, he felt a familiar yearning in his chest. now had to be the time. he was done psyching himself out of words like he had the past week now.

standing from his spot, careful not to wake the sleeping toddler, matt practically tip-toed over to your bedroom. your head snapped up when you heard the three soft knocks on your door frame, assuming it was matt getting ready to tell you he was heading home for the night, like had become recent routine. matt then cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets in a brief moment of silence. "you're gonna have to tell me what's wrong eventually, " he finally spoke up, heart pounding in his eardrums like they never had before.

"what?" was your immediate reply, playing dumb as your deadpan facial expression remained unwavering.

matt's eyebrows immediately furrowed, knowing you were just playing games with him now. he couldn't be too upset though, or else he'd never get to the bottom of all your weird behavior. "baby, is it something i did?" he questioned, completely disregarding your clueless act, "we can talk this through; we always do. you just have to tell me what's wrong."

the way you looked at him - like he were some sort of lunatic standing in front of you - he couldn't say it didn't hurt. always being 'mr. fix it' was getting exhausting, and for probably the first time since he met you, matt began to wonder if it was all really worth it. all the games you played, tugging at his heart strings and using your guys' child to manipulate him... there had to be something more out there, right? was driving him crazy fun for you?

a clear desperation wrote itself all over matt's face, his expression as he stood so timidly in your doorway making you want to crawl out of your skin. “matt…” you trailed off, shifting your seated position in your bed.

“what?” he replies, voice coming out in an almost whine-like manner. he felt this insatiable sense of dread wash over him, like he somehow knew what you were going to say before you even said it.

but when you remained silent, he just couldn’t take it anymore. “y- y’know what, forget i even said anything,” he finally breathed out, an empty feeling at the idea of giving up so easily — there was nothing else he could do, though. he knew how you were: if you didn’t want to talk, you simply weren’t going to. that’s what he told himself.

and he began to turn away, one hand clinging to your doorframe as if it were telling him he needed to stay. “matt, come sit.”

he stopped in his tracks, ears practically perking up at the sentence. his head instantly snapped in your direction, bright blue eyes widened in surprise when they caught you patting the empty space of your bed in front if you. he almost didn’t believe it, all the negative emotions that had once rushed through him in painful waves seeming to instantly subside as a glimmer of hope fluttered in his chest.

maybe that was stupid of him, but this was a real step for you two. a big one, he was sure of it. he wasted no time in taking a few steps across the room to reach you, carefully sitting in front of you. watching as matt bit the inside of his cheek in anticipation, a nervous habit he’s had all the time you’ve known him, you took a deep breath to prepare yourself.

matt was so ready. he needed to know what was wrong, eyes eagerly scanning your face at the idea of you finally opening up to him after all this time. “you know you’re a great dad, right?” you muttered, your words much different than what he’d expected.

that caught him off guard, a small twitch in his features telling you he was a bit confused. he wasn’t sure what mazzy had to do with any of this. you two were co-parenting just fine, always have been, whether you were on good terms or not. but he kept quiet, silently urging you to explain yourself.

“and you’re so loving–full of emotions that…” you paused, trying to think of the right words.

somehow, matt was catching on, no longer so pleased with the idea of you ‘opening up’ to him anymore. it was like you’d taken him on a roller coaster he didn’t sign up to ride, and he hated that. “…that i can’t handle.”

right, he knew that. matt knew you were never fond of his big emotions, always telling him he can be too much at times. and he understood. he never wanted to put whatever he was feeling onto you. he wasn’t, though; he knew he wasn’t. so what’s all this about?

it took a moment for matt to think up a response, sighing a bit before he cleared his throat. “i don’t get what that has to do with you acting all weird. i’ve only been trying to keep us together… as a family,” he opposes, shrugging a bit to seem less caught up about this than he actually was.

too quick for matt’s comfort, you nodded, a small hum following. “does that apply to the sex, too?”

almost taken aback, his mouth opened as if he were ready to say something, but nothing came out. “you suck at no strings attached, matthew. i know what you’re thinking every time you come around,” you added, each word like a barbed blade stabbing at an open wound. was this too cruel? no, it couldn’t be—you were only telling him the truth, and god, did he need to hear it. “you think that whenever we’re sleeping together, we’re on ‘good terms’, like it’s grounds for fixing everything and becoming one happy family where your daughter’s parents are happily in love.”

you had him there and he knew it, but for you to just sit and tell him all his efforts are for nothing so easily? he knew there had to be something more to it. you weren’t telling him something. “but when we’re not-”

“it doesn’t work that way. now go home, matt”

and don’t ever say matt was in denial because he’s not… at least, that’s what he told himself as he did the walk of shame from your apartment to his car, that nagging feeling of yearning he’d felt earlier somehow worse now.

w/c : 1.1k

a/n : there will be no part two

-love, your grandma cvnty ☆!

[saltinyourwound]

let me (nam-gyu)

nam-gyu x gn!reader, 1.9k words, angst, fluff, smut

synopsis: you know your roommate, nam-gyu, has been struggling, and you offer him help him out in a… different way

warnings: smut!, illusions to drug abuse(nothing in detail), sub!nam-gyu, softdom!reader, handjob, really nothing too crazy, might be a little ooc nam-gyu

note: hi! this is weird for me because i haven’t posted my writing in years, but i wanted to share this because of the lack of squid game writing on here <3 i’m unsure whether i’ll post anything else, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless :)

—

sighing under the steaming hot water, you allowed your shoulders to relax for what seemed to be the first time all week. finally, it was friday, and your work week was over. finally, you had your break from your crappy 9-5 where you could feel your body rotting by the minute.

you wanted to quit, of course, but this job was the only thing keeping a roof over your head when you had to pay your share of the rent, and you knew surely your roommate wouldn’t be able to pay it by himself.

your roommate— nam-gyu— was not necessarily the ideal man to live with. you had your fair share of him stumbling into the apartment intoxicated, or him and his friends yelling obscenely at late hours. however, your past roommate had left without warning to move in with her boyfriend, and you were left scrambling.

thankfully, your friend se-mi, introduced you to nam-gyu, a man working at a club who had just been evicted from his last place for reasons he would never care to share. you had assumed it was something to do with the suspicious look in his eyes when he would come home in the middle of the night, sporting a chatty, boyish demeanor that clashed greatly with his typical standoffish and sarcastic personality. however, he never let you see what he actually took, murmuring something about it being “not anything someone like you should worry about”.

nam-gyu left you perplexed most of the time. of course, you were frustrated with him as a roommate, but there was times when you wished he would let you in as a friend. you knew nam-gyu wasn’t a bad guy. he kept his space clean and feed the stray cats outside of your apartment complex. he showed up at a moment’s notice when his friend called him after he was badly injured in a fight. however, he didn’t allow you to see when you knew he was struggling, even when you could hear his pained sobs he tried to muffle through the thin walls. you really had no basis to act on, but you knew that you wanted to support him.

with a groan, you turned off the running water and stepped out of the shower. tonight, there was nothing you could do about the pesky situation with your roommate, as you knew he had probably already left for his evening shift at the club. you wrapped a towel around your body and began your walk to your bedroom to get changed, but you gasped when you nearly bumped into another person.

“you scared the hell out of me!” you exclaimed, hand on your chest as you stared wide-eyed at the man in front of you.

“woah, shit, sorry. didn’t mean to scare you.” nam-gyu laughed, holding both of his hands up in surrender.

“what are you doing here, not at work?” you asked, shaking your head slightly to rid yourself of the shock in your lungs.

“ah, i got that one new guy to take my shift. i wasn’t in the mood to deal with shitty customers today.” he explained, stress evident in his tone. he rubbed his hands on his face before actually taking a second to look at you. when he realized your still damp body was only covered by a towel, his breath hitched in his throat, and he quickly adverted his gaze with pink ears.

“okay,” you paused with suspicion, eyeing nam-gyu in front of you. “just— are you going to have people over tonight? ‘cause i really don’t want to deal with so much noise.”

“nah, i won’t.” nam-gyu still wouldn’t meet your eyes.

“alright, cool. i’ll be in my room if you need me,” you replied, relieved, and made your way past him towards your room to get changed. nam-gyu froze in place as you walked past, squeezing his hands into fists at the smell of your body wash. he rubbed he face once again, before making a beeline towards his room, abandoning the soda he was about to grab in the fridge.

—

once changed into a comfortable loose tee and pair of sleep shorts, you collapsed into your bed, letting out a sigh. it didn’t take long, however, for you to reluctantly roll your body up due to the empty feeling in your stomach. you hadn’t eaten since your lunch break, but the idea of cooking made your shoulders sag down.

you figured your week was hard enough that you deserved take-out. you also figured that nam-gyu likely hadn’t eaten anything since you left your leftover lunch in the fridge yesterday— you had known he wouldn’t cook something himself and managed to cook too much once again anyways.

after allowing your feet to guide you down the unfamiliar track to nam-gyu’s bedroom, your hand froze in place hearing what sounded like.. your name? you held your breath at the sound, leaning closer to the door. it was, most definitely, your name being called— or really, more so whined, accompanied by soft gasps and erratic breathing.

was nam-gyu…crying? you remembered your thoughts earlier, and your heart felt pained at the idea. you considered your options. you could let nam-gyu struggle, possibly risking him doing something he would regret, or you could try and offer him help. or he could scream at you for intruding and never speak to you again.

you can’t keep allowing him to suffer alone, you reasoned with yourself and slowly turned the doorknob, but what you were meeting with was not a sobbing nam-gyu.

instead, the man lay on his bed with his eyes screwed shut and mouth slacked open, with one hand clutching his bedsheets and the other.. fisted around his cock at a nonforgiving pace. the very sight made you gasp, causing nam-gyu’s eyes to shoot open in your direction.

“holy shit!” he exclaimed, quickly pulling his blanket to cover himself.

you clapped your hands over your eyes, “fuck, i’m sorry!”

you heard nam-gyu swearing to himself quietly, and everything in you wanted to run back to your room in embarrassment, but something kept your feet planted to the ground. slowly, you peeled your hand from your eyes, looking at nam-gyu once more.

his entire body was flushed, and the shocked yet dazed in his eyes made your breath quicken. “i— why are you just standing there?!” he implored, eyes flicking over your face.

“you… were saying my name, right?” you ask breathlessly, and nam-gyu went rigid.

“what? no! no, no, no, of course not i was just—”

“you don’t have to lie.” you took a step closer.

“no, i— i wasn’t i swear. you’re my fucking roommate i wouldn’t—”o“really?” you cut him off again, analyzing his stressed expression. the furrowed eyebrows, sweaty skin, glossy eyes. “huh. i wish you were, though.”

“huh!? what do you— are you fucking with me?”

“no. i wish you were whimpering my name while you jack off.” your voice was uncharacteristically level, yet your heart was beating out of your chest. you couldn’t, however, let this opportunity pass. the idea of him wanting you excited you to no end, and it certainly helped that he looked so pretty like this.

“are you serious?” nam-gyu whispered, trying to detect if you were lying.

“of course. you don’t have to say yes but, i could.. help you out, if you wanted me to...”

all it took was a breathy “please..” for you to join nam-gyu on his bed. slowly, you eased his covers off of him, taking in the sight that transfixed you. his cock was pretty, with a flushed tip and a dribble of pre leaking out of it. what arosed you more, though, was his tear filled eyes and quivering lips.

“you’re entirely sure you want this?” you confirmed.

“yes, god, please. ‘want you more than anything.”

your thighs clenched together at his words. not taking your eyes off of his own, you wrapped your hand around the base of his length, and started to slowly move it up and down. nam-gyu let out a whine at the touch, his eyes casting to the ceiling.

your thumb swiped across his tip before continuing your movements. “doin’ so well, ‘gyu. keep looking at me, yeah?” you could sense how heavily your words effected nam-gyu with how much louder he became.

“‘s so good. fuck, you’re so good. ‘been thinking about this f’so long”

your eyes shot open in surprise. “really? how long, baby?”

“since i fucking meet you. fucking hell when i saw you, ah, in that towel i almost came right there”

your eyes rolled back at his words. he had always wanted you? while you were worried out of your mind about his well-being, he was undressing you in his mind? “fuck..” you murmured, feeling your own breath start to become rushed.

nam-gyu’s whines and groans turned into moans as you kept at your pace. you felt transfixed as your other hand traced his collarbone, feeling his erratic heartbeat in the center of his flushed chest. you knew that your heartbeat matched.

you could tell in the way his cock twitched and his body shook that nam-gyu was close. what made your breath hitch, though, was his own hand snaking up his chest to lace with your own, desperately. as if the touch was what he needed.

“shit, i’m—” nam-gyu came with a gasp, his chest heaving under your hands entwined, where he squeezed your hand with intensity.

“fuck, so good f’me..” you murmured, transfixed on the sight, your thumb rubbing circles on his hand with care.

nam-gyu opened his eyes with caution. “holy shit..” he breathed out, a pretty serene trace in his features that fought with the confusion he still had. “why did you—?”

you felt oddly struck with emotion. your hand tightened around his. “…i wanted to. i want to.. be here. with you. i’m— i’m sorry this is sappy at the wrong time but— i’ve been thinking about you for so long. please— let me be here..? you can use me however you want. even if it’s just a shitty handjob, i want to—”

“stop.” fear and embarrassment clogged up your chest. just as you we going to start apologizing, nam-gyu slowly brought your hand to his mouth, leaving a shaky kiss that left your skin sparkling in its wake. “i want you too. i’ve always wanted you. more than fucking sex. i—i’ve been scared as hell lately about everything but you.. you make me want to try.”

you felt speechless.

“i’m an asshole and you— you don’t deserve that. but,” nam-gyu had a pleading look in his eyes as he sat up, other hand cupping your warm cheek, “i want you. let me prove it.”

you couldn’t hold back yourself from letting the space between you close, groaning quietly as you felt his lips soft on yours. you felt his sincerity. you hadn’t before realized the care you held for nam-gyu had manifested into something so strong, but you felt a wash of relief as you let yourself bathe in the honesty that had bubbled out from between the two of you.

nam-gyu was first to pull away, and he looked at you with care and urgency in his eyes, “tomorrow i’ll take you out on a date. we— fuck— can figure everything out then, but right now i need more of you.”

“then take me.”

[arabella0001]

my maladaptive dreaming kicking in

cn: just fluff, marriage&kids

you and satoru have only been apart for two days while he’s away on a mission with his students, but you already feel the weight of his absence. you reassured him multiple times that it was okay for him to go, even though he tends to overreact when it comes to how you’re feeling after delivering your second baby. and while you’re so grateful for all the love and support he’s given you, today was a rough day.

your two-month-old baby has been feeling worse than usual, crying inconsolably because of stomach pain. you’d hoped your seven-year-old daughter—who adores the baby—would be her usual patient self. but today, she threw a tantrum, refusing to listen to anything you said. all the while, the baby cried endlessly, and you didn’t even have a second to take care of yourself—your face was still unwashed, and the postnatal pain was nagging at you. your emotions felt completely out of control.

when satoru finally came home that evening, he called out softly, “sweetheart?” raising an eyebrow as he looked over at your daughter, his expression playful but concerned.

you didn’t greet him, didn’t kiss him, didn’t say a word. instead, you rushed to the bathroom, locking the door behind you and leaning against it as you tried to steady your breathing.

“baby, what’s going on?” he asked, his tone gentle.

“just... leave me alone for a second, satoru,” you managed to say through the door.

there was a brief pause before you heard his dramatic surrender, raising his hands “of course, my lovely wife. take all the time you need.”

he turned his attention to your daughter, crouching in front of her and noticing her pouty expression—one that reminded him so much of yours.

“hey, my little one,” he said softly, brushing her hair out of her face. “remember what i told you? let’s not make mommy sad, okay? when mommy’s sad, daddy gets sad too. she’s working so hard, so why don’t we work together to cheer her up, yeah?”

meanwhile, you sat on the cold bathroom floor, fighting back tears and guilt. you’d convinced yourself today would be easier—that your baby’s discomfort would ease up, that your daughter would be more patient, that everything would go smoothly. instead, nothing had gone right, and the pressure felt suffocating.

in the living room, satoru stayed busy. he played with your daughter, making her laugh again, or checked on the baby, gently rocking him in his tiny bed. but he couldn’t help glancing at the bathroom door, his usual playful expression fading into something more serious. he drummed his fingers against the couch, bit his nails as he stared beneath the rim of his glasses.

the second you stepped out of the bathroom, he was on his feet. his worried expression softened into a small smile as he walked up to you.

“my pretty wife,” he murmured, placing a hand on your back and pulling you close. “what happened? talk to me.”

“it’s okay, satoru. i’m sorry. let’s just—”

“no, no, no,” he interrupted, shaking his head. “we don’t do that here.” he led you to the bed, sitting down and pulling you onto his lap.

“talk to me,” he said again, his voice so gentle as you hesitated, looking anywhere but at him, but the moment your eyes met his, the tears started to fall, making his eyes widen a little.

“i’m so sorry, satoru,” you whispered, voice cracking. “i don’t want you to think i’m too dependent on you. i know how much i wanted you to keep working, and—”

“hey, stop,” he said softly, his hand cupping your cheek as his thumb brushed away your tears. “do you really think i’d ever feel that way about you having a bad day? i know how much you’re dealing with. and our feisty little girl?” he chuckled. “she’s not easy to handle, especially when you’re on your own. what can i say? she’s both of us combined.”

you let out a weak laugh, tears still slipping down your face.

“and listen to me,” he continued, his voice serious. “you’re not less of a mother if you call the babysitter to help out when i’m away, okay? you’re an amazing, strong, intelligent woman—and, might i add, incredibly beautiful,” he teased, a playful smirk tugging at his lips.

you rolled your eyes but couldn’t help smiling faintly.

“but i need you to take care of yourself too. your body’s still healing, and you need time to breathe, especially when i’m not here to remind you. promise me you’ll let someone help next time?”

you nodded slowly. “i know, but—”

“no ‘buts.’” he pressed a finger to your lips. “don’t talk about my wife like that. have a little faith in her, like i do, yeah?” he kissed your temple, the warmth of his touch calming you.

“okay,” you whispered, sniffing.

“good.” he stood suddenly, scooping you into his arms and starting to walk.

“now,” he said with a grin, “let’s relax for a bit. i’m running you a bath.”

you wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning into his chest with a content sigh. “i love you so much, you don’t even understand.”

he chuckled softly, pressing another kiss to your temple. “oh, sweetheart, believe me—I do. because i love you just as much.”

[if-loves]

because you're everything (i have left)

// Phainon

sum: Is it so wrong that Phainon is everything you know?

wc: 1001

warnings: 3.0 story quest spoilers, amphoreus inaccuracies, ooc phainon, written before phainon release, implied (??) yan phainon, reader is a hot mess tbh

a/n: help i tried to make him yan but this just devolved into codependent relationship 

likes & reblogs appreciated :)

Phainon has known you his whole life. You have both seen each other in your most vulnerable of times, as children who had yet to understand the cruelties of the world, and as adults who have suffered the cruelties of the world. Through it all, you and Phainon held onto each other, mumbling promises of never leaving each other.

That was when Aedes Elysiae first fell to the savage flames, and the two of you were the only ones who managed to escape.

Years have passed since then, but the sight still lives in your mind, a vivid image that only seems to refresh and worsen the pain and guilt in your heart. Could you have done something and saved at least one more person? Was the way you were acting at the moment too selfish? Had you been a little stronger, a little smarter, would your home still be standing? 

You know enough about Phainon to know that for all his act as a playful young man, he harbours a grief and rage so deep in his soul even you don't know if you'd be able to coax it out of him. It's true he'd do many things for you, yes, but asking him to open up may be a boundary even if you can't cross.

But you'd do anything to keep Phainon happy, because you know he would do the same for you - because you're all each other has to remind you of home. Because you're all each other has left.

Upon finding asylum in Okhema, Phainon decided to leave his original name behind with the ruins of Aedes Elysiae and start somewhat anew in the Holy City. He had even told you to forget the name you've known him by all your life in favour of this new one, yet asked you sweetly to keep yours.

Sometimes you wonder if, had it not been for the destruction that rained upon your village that day, you and Phainon would be as close as you were today. Would you have shared all these intimate moments, like kissing and cuddling and all that naturally followed after, if everything was still as you had known. Would he have looked at you with the same disarming smile he always does when he comes back from another mission, or would he have slowly left you, like watching a boat be carried away by the sea's currents. 

You try not to let yourself be consumed by these thoughts. Phainon wouldn't be happy to know you doubt his love for you, and you'd hate to make him sad. He works so hard to keep you safe and happy, so the least you could do was make him happy when he was home. 

You'd do anything to make him happy. Even if it meant isolating yourself in the four walls of this home, even if it meant reducing yourself to nothing more than the one he'd come home to, even if it meant sacrificing your happiness for his, because this is what love is, isn't it? 

Phainon tells you he loves you often, while holding your face gently in his calloused hands. There's an emotion in his eyes you can't quite decipher, but it reminds you of a feeling you're very familiar with - guilt. You wonder why he feels that way, and why it only appears when he looks at you. What emotions does he harbour inside that lonely head of his?

You think it's hard to imagine Phainon wanting to hurt people. He's always been a kind person, even as a child and especially as an adult. He's always wanted the best for everyone, and he's never done anything to make you feel otherwise, so it's no surprise that when he tells you to never leave the house without him, and to never answer any knocks on the doors or windows, and to never open the curtains and windows, you listened. As a Chrysos Heir, he must be privy to some sensitive information, and as your lover, he must only wish to protect you. Phainon would never do anything to hurt you.

Despite your unwavering faith in him, you find it especially difficult to control your thoughts on particularly lonely days like these. He told you that he may be gone for awhile for some business to do with being a Chrysos Heir, and left you with a chase kiss on your lips before he was locking the door on his way out. How long would he be gone this time? 

Without him around, the disease named fear starts its infection and spreads throughout your soul. You're well aware of its tell tale signs, and you have yet to find a remedy for it that isn't Phainon's presence. It starts slowly, taking its time to seep into the crevices of your soul, before it comes crashing down on you and all of a sudden you're drowning.

Is Phainon taking care of you because you're all that's left of Aedes Elysiae? Do you deserve everything that Phainon has given you? Was your life worth the deaths of all those villagers? Phainon is a Chrysos Heir, greatness is written in his script since the moment he was born. What were you?

It's okay, though. Because when Phainon walks through the door, all your doubts disappear in an instant. He engulfs you warmly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head, and everything feels right even if only for a moment.

But sometimes even his presence isn't enough to dispel some of your doubts. Does Phainon truly love you for you, or does he love you for what you remind him of? Of a bygone past that only exists in your memories, that smells of ash and sounds of screams, that the both of you can't let go of, even as it threatens the destruction of you and him? 

But it's okay if it’s Phainon, you think. Because you love him. Because he's all you have left.

[thursdayinspace]

ficlet: breakfast of champions

Here's a smutty little thing because you know Mulder has a favorite place in the world and spends as much time there as he can. tagging @today-in-fic

Sometimes he asks himself how he used to spend Saturday mornings before he and Scully started sharing a bed. He never wants to go back to that time.

She’s trembling through her second orgasm and he licks her through it, ignoring his own painful hardness. He’ll get off eventually, but he’s not done with her yet. He’s never done with her. It’s unfortunate that they can’t do this all day, but they still have to do things like eat and sleep and work. It’s too bad really. He’d live down here if he could.

“Mulder,” she whimpers, and he rests his cheek against her thigh. Her fingers go slack in his hair and the muscles in her thighs relax slowly, and he closes his eyes.

“Good?” he asks.

“Oh god.” She sounds wrecked and it makes him proud, so proud. “Do you need me to answer that?”

He lifts his head and grins up at her. “Yes, please.”

She laughs breathlessly, her face flushed, her hair a wild, flaming-red mess. “Yes,” she says. “And you know it.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He catches her hand and places a tender kiss against her fingers. “I can make it even better.”

“I don’t know if I can come again,” she says, but her eyes are still hungry, and he thinks he might die if he doesn’t get his mouth back on her.

“You can,” he tells her. “And I’ll prove it to you.”

Her hands run through his hair and the look in her eyes is challenging. “You can try,” she says.

Oh, he thinks, he’ll do more than that.

Hooking his arms underneath her thighs, he spreads her legs as wide as he can and sets to work. She lets out a shuddering exhale as he licks through her folds. She’s swollen and wet and so sensitive, and this is his favorite thing in the world, drowning in the smell and taste of her until nothing else exists in the world. Just Scully and Scully’s pleasure and the pleasure of doing this for her.

He sucks on her clit, pushes his tongue deep into her, buries his entire face in her cunt until he can’t breathe. God she’s perfect.

Her fingers pull his hair hard as she comes on his tongue, her thighs shaking as her hips rock up against his face with the frantic rhythm of her third orgasm.

He only takes the time to tell her, “I told you so,” before he dives back in.

She doesn’t tell him to stop, she keeps her hands in his hair and her legs open, his name falling from her lips like a prayer over and over as he worships her the way she deserves.

And he makes her come again. Again. And again.

When she can’t anymore, when she’s done, she guides him into her and he lasts a handful of thrusts, mere moments before he groans out her name and falls apart in her arms.

They shower, they get dressed. They go about their day. In the afternoon, she’s making coffee in the kitchen but turns to him eagerly as he pulls her pants down and off and sinks to his knees, slinging one of her legs up over his shoulder.

He’s never done with her. For as long as she wants him, he will never be done.

[kermdoeswriting]

That's a new one

Danny could only let out a loud annoyed groan as he heard the clacking of footsteps in the corridor. Beside him, he could hear his advisor CW snort, amused by what was to come alongside Danny's pain and annoyance.

The only way for his floor to even be making a sound was if he was being graced with a human.

It wasn't often that his realm received living visitors, but the ones that usually did enter and that had managed to survive the walk to his domain always had wishes to ask of him.

And they were always human. Never anything interesting or new.

Which was annoying since humans were usually extremely demanding. As well as stubborn in their beliefs.

He would know. He is one on his days off.

They also usually had the same kind of wish.

A wish that they always were so stubborn to believe will work because they had the strength to make it through the underground to ask for it.

A wish that also had genuinely never worked. Not even once since it started!

Damn you Hades for granting the first request to begin with the one time he was on vacation.

The wish to revive a dead loved one and to make it back together to the living.

Most times, Danny would just grant the request without another thought beyond it being under the same rules as the first time, but this idea continuing through the decades was just getting annoying.

The subtle knocking on the throne room door made him sigh again as he waved his hand to allow entry.

"Look," Danny drawled, pinching his nose and not looking up at the visitor who was now in the room facing him.

"If you're about to go on some rant about how you walked all this way, I really really don't care. Just take whatever loved one you came for and walk away."

Whoever had come didn't even respond beyond a shakily taken gasp, and thats when Danny finally ended up looking towards them.

The man in front of him was really cute. He looked up at Danny, wide-eyed, blue eyes filled with some mix of wonder and curiosity.

Whatever hero get-up he was wearing looked ripped and torn to shreds, but somehow, the man was missing any and all cuts and bruises that should have been there.

If Danny was being honest, the guy reminded him of one of those wet cats who looked betrayed after being forced into taking a bath.

Eventually, after a long moment of staring at each other, the guy spoke.

"Um actually-" The man had the audacity to look bashfully towards the throne room floor before returning his gaze to Danny and continuing.

"I kind of came here to see if I could walk you out of the Underworld..?"

Huh

Thats a new one.

_________________________________________

Or basically

Danny is extremely used to people mistakenly entering his realm to pull a Eurydice and Orpheus trick (Hades made an exception ONE TIME during his temporary reign-), he just wasn't expecting someone to come with the intention to get him out of the underworld.

[ylangelegy]

KAEEEE congratulations on 1k omg i can't believe i'm just finding out about this now??? i literally thought u had like 10k ndjdnjd your writing is novel worthy i cant believe you aren't running tumblr already 😔

📱 i would pretty pretty please love to hear more about actor jun if u have any thoughts to spare :3 and congrats again!! here's to many more hehe 🎉🫶🏻💓

high praise coming from one of the best writers on caratblr 😳 and i will always give jun to the world's biggest huihui <3 mwaaa!

📱 boyfriend actor!jun x reader (part one, part two). part of my follower milestone celebration. word count: 676.

Jun has started doing his own stunts.

A part of you knows that your fear is misplaced. He’s training with the legendary Jackie Chan, of all people. Your boyfriend is in capable hands.

Still, you can’t help but worry.

It had always been this way even before he dipped his toes into the action genre. Texts of have you eaten? during long shoots. Encouraging Post-It’s snuck into his coat pocket pre-flight. You worry, and you worry, and you worry, and Jun loves you for it. 

He’ll smile at the texts and force himself to eat something small. He’ll keep the notes in his wallet and reread them when he misses the sound of your voice. He lets you fret over him because you give as much as you get, and he would never say ‘no’ to you.

Even if it can be a bit— overbearing, at times. Jun keeps his eye rolls and scoffs to a minimum as you lather his body in efficascent oils, as you slap pain relief patches on his aching joints. 

“Bit of an overkill, no?” he mumbles. His supposed distaste is betrayed by the way he practically preens when you begin to knead at the knots in his shoulders.

You can only sigh at his attempt to be nonchalant. “My boyfriend is an action star,” you say, your teasing tone edged with admiration. It makes Jun want to swoon. “The least I can do is make sure he’s being taken care of.” 

“You can take care of me other ways.” 

“Shut up.” 

“How about you shut me up by—” 

There’s bickering, and teasing, and your fingers dancing along his sides to get him to laugh, to stop flirting. Jun is bone tired and every part of his body hurts, but he’s never tired of you. Nothing ever hurts when it comes to you. 

Jun can be a hypocrite, though. 

You realize this on an unassuming Saturday evening, a rare weekend where the two of you can just stay in. You’re reading a book by the couch while Jun is absentmindedly scrolling through SNS. When you let out a low, unbidden hiss, he’s immediately snapping to attention. 

“Babe?” he calls, his attention leaving the TikTok on his screen. 

“‘S nothing,” you huff. 

Your boyfriend sets aside his phone and leans forward from the other side of the couch, crowding into your space. “Liar,” he says. “What is it?” 

You extend your hand in response. In the low light of your living room, it’s almost invisible, but Jun doesn’t miss it. The raised, reddish skin on your index finger, put there by the corner of your page. 

“It’s just a paper cut,” you’re saying, but Jun isn’t about to have any of that. 

He’s on his feet before you can complain. “Come back here,” you whine. 

His response of “no!” is muffled as he makes a beeline for the bathroom. He emerges moments later with your First Aid kit, his eyebrows furrowed with genuine concern and determination. 

“Junhui,” you say exasperatedly. 

He doesn’t listen. When has he ever? He kneels at your side and begins to rummage through the kit, mumbling about antiseptics and cotton balls. 

You two could have been done much faster if you didn’t resist him here and there. By the end of it, though, you compromise to a Sanrio adhesive bandage despite the absence of any blood at all. 

“Be more careful next time,” Jun says as he snaps the kit close. He poses the words as a joke, but you can hear the hint of worry in his tone. (He gives as much as he gets.) 

You close the distance to kiss him, and his expression smooths out at the familiar affection. “Overkill,” you tease, murmuring the words against his mouth.

Jun worries. You love him for it. 

At your peck, his lips curl up into a smile that you can almost taste. He doesn’t answer— just grabs your arms and pulls you down on top of him. You go down squealing, and then you’re both laughing until your sides hurt.

It’s the good kind of hurt, though. 

[yandere-sins]

Hey! I loved your yandere!konig and ghost when their darling runs away. But how would they react if they're darling broke out. But couldn't bring themselves to go farther than 10 - 20 feet away. Cause if their anxiety of leaving the cabin?

Ah, the sweet, sweet betrayal of the own mind, I like that :D Thanks for requesting!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

"Come on... Come on! Yes!"

With a sharp click, the front door unlocked. The wooden cabin creaked as if warning you to stay, but you were up and outside before you could even think to listen. For weeks, you had worked towards this moment, and as the taste of freedom—earthy like the forest that surrounded the lonesome cabin—caressed your senses, a big smile curled the corners of your mouth upwards.

Day after day, you had swallowed your pride, nodded, and agreed. Laid still next to your captor in bed at night and listened to his footsteps whenever he returned, hoping they'd pass by your bedroom. The first few weeks had been the worst, with you still shackled and panicked, the masked man telling you to behave at every outburst of yours. But how could you?

It took a lot of time until he trusted you enough to let you freely walk around the secluded cabin. It wasn't without punishments as you tried to escape so many times before, until your feet were bloody from his knife and your wrists sore from the restraints he put you back in, but you learned your lessons. Listened to him. Obeyed him. Waited like a good little spouse a few steps away from the entrance whenever he returned. Enough so that he started trusting you.

Enough so that he grew careless.

Ghost, he called himself. It wasn't the most accurate description as he was tall and burly, not exactly haggard. His skeleton mask could be frightening; that much was true. As was his strength and the ruthless use of force to cause you pain and torture you. It was hard to get to this point of him letting his guard down, and you figured pretty quickly that he wasn't just some random man; all his senses were sharp, and his actions were skilled as if he was trained for this. Ghost was lines of muscles and scars all over his body. He was a human predator as far as you could see, but it made his weakness glaringly obvious;

You.

Because the moment you cuddled up to him, his tense posture grew slack, his arms gentle around you, his hands massaging you as if you were a fragile being. When you asked for something, he'd simply say, "We'll see," but would return with it after his next grocery run without needing a reminder. Meals were always cooked the way you wanted, and the heater was always set to the temperature you decided on. Even if he insisted on sleeping next to you, he let you have his blanket if you stole it at night. You'd constantly wake up to him gently rubbing your back whenever you accidentally laid on top of him at night.

It was a gamble to try and make him careless. You couldn't be sure it would work. However, you still worked towards your goal every day, pretending to get along with him, slowly falling into a routine he could get used to without letting him find out you were merely playing him. And now, finally, it had paid off.

Mud and grass had never felt better beneath the soles of your shoes as you stepped down the porch and onto the forest ground. Freeing and inviting—alive. Compared to the outside, the air inside the cabin had been terribly stale, and the building made of wood weighed down on your mood. Here, you finally felt in control of your life and closer than ever to escaping the nightmare!

There was barely anything around besides the dense treeline in front of you. A stump with an axe rested on the right corner of the cabin, but there was no path, no signs of a car or any way out, meaning what Ghost had told you about the cabin being far away from any other living soul must have been true.

Your heart sunk a little at the realization. You had seen the forest through the windows, but the ones showing the front had always been boarded shut. It gave you hope that there was something you weren't supposed to see or know, but you realized now that it was to keep uninvited eyes out should anyone stumble across the cabin instead.

So where were you supposed to go? There were trees on the left and trees on the right. Undoubtedly, more forest awaited you behind the cabin, so your only chance was to go forward. Looking at the ground, you tried to find Ghost's footsteps, any indication that this was the right way, but despite his hefty stature, you found none that could lead you.

You were on your own.

"Nothing wrong with that," you muttered to yourself, curling your hands into fists before saying a quick pep-talk. Surely, you'd find back to civilization once you fought your way through the forest. You were well-fed and clothed, had slept a full ten hours last night, and were young enough to take one or two days trekking through the thicket easily. The thought made you nervous regardless, but everything would be fine. You just had to get going so as to not get caught by the man who was trying to ruin your life with his fantasies.

Frankly, any fate awaiting you outside was better than staying at the cabin with him.

Taking your first steps, you felt your pulse quicken, your nostrils expanding to let more air into your lungs. You knew you couldn't afford to overthink things. There simply wasn't enough time. Ghost stayed away for two hours whenever he went out, and you had struggled to open the high-security lock on the front door that stood out like a sore spot against the wood. It took you months to find out what you needed to do and prepare everything for this moment—you couldn't afford to waste your efforts now.

Months, huh? It had been so long since you'd been under people. This forest wasn't familiar to you in the slightest, but you've been to forests before. This was just another one that would surely end in a town or at least a street. Hopefully, someone would believe you when you were found and help you. You didn't even have anything to verify yourself with.

But it didn't matter, surely your family had reported you as missing! It had been too long since you last spoke, even if you weren't in contact regularly. They would have noticed you being gone!

Right?

You felt your throat constrict as you swallowed down the doubt. "It's all his fault," you cursed through shallow breaths, wrapping your arm around yourself in an effort to calm down. Ghost had been putting all these thoughts inside your head, and you were merely reaping the fruits of his manipulation now. It was unfair, but you were stronger than this! You'd not allow him to continue to hold you hostage, his ill-willed comments meaningless since he clearly wasn't sane.

"There are dangerous animals out there. Big ones."

You remembered thinking, 'Where the fuck did he take me?' when you first heard him tell you about the outside of the cabin. You obviously weren't in your hometown anymore, where the biggest animal was a freaking squirrel.

"He's just messing with you," you bit out, banishing your own thoughts. Even now, that psycho held way too much power over you, his words and warnings repeating over and over as your doubts and anxiety grew. If only you made it to the tree line, you'd probably be able to convince yourself that there was nothing more dangerous than Ghost out there. Moving forward, your knees wobbled when you were barely two steps away from the edge of the clearing.

But what if it was him coming for you again?

"I'll always find you," you remembered him continuing as he told you about the animals while he softly played with your hair, the distant sound of rain thrumming on the roof enveloping the otherwise reigning silence in the cabin. "Won't let any of these wankers 'urt you. I'll make them piss right off, you're mine."

He'd be gone for a while. If he could track out of the forest, go shopping, and come back in about two hours, you could do the same and find help on the way. He'd first had to come back and notice you were gone before even starting to look for you. By then, you'd be long gone.

It wasn't like you were going to run straight into his arms by going this way, right? Shivering, you remembered the pain of when he cut your soles with his knife for daring to make a run for the door the first time Ghost let you "off the leash". The way it hurt every time he forced you to walk to the bathroom on your own, and how you barely made it while he stood above you, clicking his tongue at the bloody footsteps you left on the floor. You remembered the harsh cold and huddling in the corner of the basement, naked in the darkness, until Ghost showed you mercy, allowing you back into his arms after leaving you there for who-knows-how-long, just because you refused to sleep in the same bed with him.

If these natural reactions—the "petty crimes"—landed you a punishment this bad, then what would happen if he found you outside, trying to run from him? What more could he do to you before you'd break beyond repair?

Looking back over your shoulder, you stared at the open door. Maybe you should go back to close it? Buy yourself some time by pretending to hide from him? You could take some food and water with you. Honestly, your preparation was still pretty bad. Perhaps it would be better to try this another time when you had better chances of running from him, the time was so short, and after all—

Your cheek immediately started to burn as you suddenly struck yourself with the palm of your hand. "Focus!" you chided yourself. Why would you let this moment go to waste?! Taking a few more steps, you managed to break through the invisible line that Ghost had kept you behind, the forest enveloping you—swallowing you, like a hungry animal.

You were going to get out of here! You were going to make it!

The branches and leaves snatching at your clothes and skin felt like Ghost's hands reaching for you, trying to pull you back. But with an iron will, you moved on, determined to get through this. All his tricks became meaningless as you powered through the thicket. The hold on you melted away as you used all your strength to escape it. It felt like hours as you rushed through the green, never looking left and right, your determination the goal.

It needed your body to give out beneath you to finally make you stop. You could barely breathe at this point, your vision blurry with tears you didn't know had collected. Your head was spinning like you hit it on something hard, and hundreds of small areas on your body hurt for no reason, but you must have cut or poked yourself on the thicket without realizing it. Your legs felt weak, but your mind was still determined to get through this! You had come so far, just a little more, and you could rest for the night that had surely already fallen, considering how dark it was all around you.

Despite your loud breathing, the silence around you was deafening. It felt exactly like the dark basement you'd been locked in a few times. Air didn't seem to be able to fill your lungs quickly enough, and the sound of your own blood rushing through your body was an uncanny reminder of the fact that you were alive and well. And you'd make it; you had already come so far!

The sound of branches cracking near you made you still instantly.

The animals, you thought. But it could just be a deer.

More shuffling, leaves against fur, hoves breaking through branches and thicket. You'd simply spring up and yell at it to go away! It would be that easy to send it off in another direction. There was nothing to fear; it was all one of Ghost's tactics to scare you of leaving, and it would not work for you anymore!

You knew what you had to do, knew how to behave, and yet, for some reason, your body didn't obey you. Not even as a white face came into few, looking over a bush and staring straight at you. You opened your mouth, ready to yell and scream so the creature would quickly take off, but only a pitiful croak escaped from your throat, everything so tight and clamped up. Your helplessness barely registered, your brain ordering your arms to lift up menacingly, but your fingers merely trembled, hands slack in your lap.

Nothing was working, and your vision grew even darker as you rapidly tried to blink the tears away that filled your eyes. "What's going on?" you asked, but you heard your own voice, incomprehensible, a mix of strangled grunts and breathless squeaks.

"[Name]?"

For some reason, the sound of another voice appeared much clearer than your own. You heard it even through your desperate groans. It sounded firm. Concerned. Safe. It wasn't the sound of an animal, no roar or yap or growl or hiss. You knew that voice, it was... it was...

Something dropped to the ground, and you squeaked in surprise, jerking so hard you felt the branches of the bush poke into your body again. Your senses slowly returned as you were enveloped in warmth, the familiar scent you had breathed day in and day out wrapping around you. Strong barriers held you tightly, lifting you from the ground and adjusting their grip on you, and you managed to worm your own arms around a firm neck, your legs slipping into position in the familiar feeling of being held.

"Calm down, darlin', I'm 'ere. You're okay. It's okay."

Sobs overwhelmed you as you buried your face into the firm shoulder, the flesh molding around your features, giving you a place to hide. Immense warmth attacked you but hugged you just as tightly as the two arms wrapped around your body. "You're safe. Calm down, love."

The darkness clouding your mind dispersed as you felt the soft rocking of footsteps swaying your whole body. Finally, clear thoughts returned to you as you realized you were being carried. You felt the synthetic feel of a rain jacket beneath your fingers, which you had clawed into the fabric, while your breathing grew steadier, your lungs finally satisfied with the amount of air you were getting.

"What happened?" you slurred, still holding on to the person who had found you. Were you finally saved? Did someone rescue you, and did you make it out alive?

"Found you on the edge of the forest, all panicked and shit. For fuck's sake you doin' out here anyway, darlin'?"

The arms squeezed you a little tighter, almost uncomfortably so. But you squeezed back, holding on to your savior with all the strength you had left. "Running... outside... need to find..."

"Were you lookin' for me? Fuckin' hell... can't even punish you for that, sweet'eart."

"I... What?" you mumbled, clarity slowly climbing back into your brain. You heard the sounds of the steps changing from grass to wood, making you finally look up again. Blinking away the rest of your tears, your eyes adjusted, and you clearly watched the line of trees you had become oddly familiar with move away from you. The sight was enough to make you realize you were moving backward instead of through and out of the forest.

You weren't escaping anymore.

Straightening your back, you looked down at the black mask to your right, Ghost being preoccupied with something at your back, releasing one arm from you while he fumbled around with it. "Gave that lock a good kick, eh?" he commented as dread began running down your spine. He sighed, apparently bothered by having to replace the lock before he returned your gaze. He appeared to be relaxed, his eyes a bit lidded and his arms sturdy, giving no indication of his emotions.

But you noticed the blown-apart pupils, the way his gaze fixated on you like a crosshair. He had you all figured out—or at least, you managed to give him a fright.

"How did you find me?" you croaked warily, but the exhaustion made your voice sound sweet and gentle, not wavering and allowing him to hear the rush of nervosity in it. "I ran so far..."

"Told you, I'll always find you. Besides, you were collapsed in a ditch, lookin' absolutely horrified just in front of the cabin. First time 'avin' a panic attack, love?"

"Oh," you muttered, sacking back into his arms and forcing yourself to take deep breaths. You were fucked. Absolutely screwed. Messed up big time. Being carried inside the cabin, the dream of freedom vanished as Ghost squatted down in front of the couch. He slowly tipped you backward, making sure you'd not hurt yourself by falling off him, but instead of getting up, he stayed in the same position, finding your gaze no matter how hard you tried to avoid it.

"You were tryin' to find me, right?" he asked all of a sudden, questioning your motive after all.

"Y-Yeah..." you falsely admitted, your voice finally faltering. He was going to hurt you. Maybe you'd not survive this... would anyone notice if you were dead? Would anyone find you and bring justice to this unfairness you were experiencing? Why did you have to have a panic attack just from running away when all of this was a nightmare you wished to wake up from?!

When his hands landed on your thighs, you flinched, clenching your teeth together and bracing for the pain he was going to inflict on you any second now. You failed bitterly. So much so that you were already crying, tears dripping on his hands while you resigned yourself to your miserable faith.

Ghost rose from before you, pushing some weight onto your legs as he leaned forward, masked lips brushing against your forehead. "Don't do that again," he warned quietly, and you were sure he meant escaping rather than looking for him. "Don't want to have to break your legs just to keep you here, darlin'."

And with that, a firm but merciful warning, he let go, trudging off back outside, leaving the door wide open. Before the stairs leading off the porch, Ghost stopped, looking back over his shoulder, and you flinched—hard—noticing the cold glare he was giving you. "I'll go fetch the groceries. You stay."

With that, he left back towards the forest, making you watch as he brushed through the thicket and disappeared into darkness. Freedom seemed even closer with the unlocked door and Ghost's back turned. Just a few steps, and you'd be outside again. You could hide from him and then make a break for it.

Your body sacked, sliding deeper into the soft cushions of the couch.

"Next time," you mumbled. "I'll escape for sure."

Exhaustion took over as your eyes closed slowly. The last thing you saw was Ghost's silhouette marching back towards the cabin before your body collapsed onto the couch, the soulless eyes behind the skeleton mask drilling into your soul. Like a dog, trained to obey, you stayed.

And Ghost watched over you for a while, trying to push the thoughts of breaking your ankles out of his mind as he went to make you dinner instead. You've been through enough that day. This experience would teach you that you couldn't escape him. Even if your brain still fought, your body knew better than to disobey him. It even knew to cling to him for safety, so it was just a matter of time. He had chipped away at your psyche long enough for you to not even recognize what he had done. Slicing a carrot into two parts, Ghost knew he'd soon get to reap the fruits of his labor.

And once you were as broken as he was, you two would finally be happy together.

[thescreaminghat]

just thinking about tf armada optimus after unicron is defeated (spoilers), when he's been battered by fighting and is now drifting aimlessly amidst the debris in space and comes across the matrix of leadership, the very symbol of authority and hope for the autobots---the symbol that he chose to discard before accepting a final fight with megatron---and how he resignedly says, "i dont deserve it".

like ig there's the interpretation that he somehow "stooped down" to megatron's level by engaging in the 1v1, but i dont really get that vibe, and it feels a little too simple, even for the often questionable dialogue choices for the eng dub. i dont get the impression that somehow optimus is now "bad" because he accepted megatron's challenge, because he's been fighting megatron for fucking 10 million years, and it's presented as a "necessary evil" even though the whole point with the minicons is that conflict and war and fighting is, probably, more of a harmful thing than a good one, because megatron's purpose is to control and exploit the minicons for his own ends (i.e. the series series is still a kids' show, meaning certain tropes, like "the good guys ultimately need to come out on top", are still going to be used even if moral complexities are explored).

rather, i get the sense that optimus's somewhat mournful/regretful rejection of the matrix comes from the fact that he didn't fully acknowledge all sides of him and never got the change to. despite the fact that his obsession with op clouds his judgment like 99% of the time, megs knows himself way too well---there was no way on god's green earth that he and op were going to hold hands and kumbaya and that's what he lived by his entire life. bro held onto an infatuation of the millennia but also held a level of animosity and craving that likely rivalled the level of forgiveness and generosity of primus himself. and megatron accepted this, accepted that he wanted to battle and feel in control and in the end, when the only thing he had left to prove was to his forever rival, that was all he wanted: one good fight and he would be at peace with the outcome of the entire universe (im counting what happens in tf energon as its own thing at this point, it's way too messy of a direct continuation of armada). imo megatron stayed true to his own feelings without the necessity of hamfisting a redemption arc, he went through notable growth (biggest example being his shift after starscream's death) but in the end, there were parts of him that were never going to change, so in a way, he saw his journey through to the end and made the choice to sacrifice himself for optimus because of that acceptance

in contrast, i get the sense that because optimus must constantly act as a figurehead to the autobots, he's not truly able to be 100% honest with what he wants, and who he is. not that there's any doubt that he truly believes in his mission, and that he hasn't been deceitful or dishonest, but i got the sense throughout the series that optimus keeps a lot to himself because he can't be anything less than the protector of the matrix (e.g. when starscream leaves the autobots, hotshot, furious and hurt at the betrayal, starts yelling at optimus and doubting why he made the choices that he did, op doesn't say anything. instead he just walks away, with this pained silence following him out the door, leaving scavenger to chew out hotshot for "disobeying orders"---which seemed kind of, idk, a weirdly ironfisted way (at least from the autobot side) to shut down some genuinely good and earnest questions. and that specific moment of tension never really gets resolved, because optimus sacrifices himself to, in a way, "make up" for his and starscream's mistake). why doesn't he defend himself? if he truly believed in starscream and the inherent goodness of all cybertronians then why not express that directly to hotshot with passion, with conviction, with acceptance of all aspects of his own beliefs?

ig what im trying to say is, being the bearer of the matrix seems to instil (at least to me) this sense of "purity" or "virtuous aloofness" in optimus, whether out of duty or a genuine belief in those qualities as being the ideal. so when optimus discards the matrix specifically to fight megatron, and subsequently tells himself that he "doesn't deserve" that symbol of leadership, i think what he is berating himself for is having enjoyed a fight just a little too much or at the wrong time, having chosen to do something that wouldn't have fit the mould he had held himself to. his first response to megatron's reminiscing about how their fight reminded him of the "good old days" is denial ("i can't say that i enjoyed it").

tldr my interpretation (definitely wrong) is that op has a lot of responsibility and it seems to create a kind but also distant version of him in armada; it feels like op is repressing a lot of who he is and the rejection of the matrix brings him into the daunting realization that yeah, maybe that was for the better. maybe it's ok to not deserve that honour. he'll have to accept that and live with it, but it's ok.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Oathbreaker

summary: request for paladin Tav to break their oath by freeing the spawns and their choices with the Oathbreaker Knight. Request was too long to publish.

-------------------------------🩸-------------------------------

Astarion wasn’t sure how he was supposed to be feeling right now.

Elated? Afraid? Proud that he did the right thing or worried over setting the equivalent of a pack of wild dogs loose on the Underdark? So many emotions that Astarion was not used to feeling all bubbling up inside him.

What he was sure of, however, was that he was a little disappointed in Tav’s enthusiasm for the situation. They had worked so hard. Done good; which they usually lapped up like a cat with cream. Astarion thought they would at least be a little proud of him but they just seemed despondent. He decided that, in this effort to be free and turn a new leaf, he would be the bigger person and let it go. Perhaps after a good night’s sleep they would all feel better in the morning.

But, as with most nights in their camp, a good night’s sleep was not sure to come.

Just before they all laid their heads down a whirl of smoke, fire, and ash appeared in the camp. At first Astarion thought it was Rapahel, as he scrabbled from his bedroll to Tav, but no sufur. Instead of the devil in their camp there was a man, seemingly made of fire and black armor, with a dooming, looming presence before them.

“I have been waiting for you.” The black knight spoke as it turned to Tav. “I felt the moment of your liberation—the shedding of your bond.” Astarion looked surprised. Bond? What was he talking about. “Oathbreaker,” the word fell like a hammer in the room, “you swore to protect life itself. To serve the natural order. To protect those who would value life, and vanquish those who would destroy it. Tell me – why did you abandon your oath?”

Astarion suddenly realized what was going on. In releasing those souls, the vampires who would be lost, were lost, Tav had betrayed their oath. Released dark forces on the natural order. They had done all that…for him?

“It was the right thing to do.” Tav told him bluntly. “And…I did it for love.”

Astarion was shocked, but the fallen knight just laughed. “Love? Such a fickle reason. But…some say a noble one.” He couldn’t be sure, but Astarion thought that the knight may have glanced at him. “Take comfort in your undoing. I, like you, abandoned my cause. But much can still be achieved.”

The knight explained that their oath was broken, but that new power was taking root in its place. Astarion could barely hear him. All he could think about was what Tav had done for him. Continued to do for him. All the sacrifice. All the pain. All the ridiculous little errands and side quests they did just to make him happy. And what had he done for them?

“I wish to reclaim my oath.” Tav’s voice broke through his concentration. Turning to them as they said they wanted to be a paladin again. “I made a promise. And although what I did was right, I do not wish to shirk my responsibilities as well.”

“Very well.” The knight replied, sounding a little disappointed. “First you must pay the agreed price. Material sacrifice is required, to prove your words have substance.” He told them. “Do you wish to pay?”

1000 gold for salvation. Astarion thought that was trivial, but so like the church and religion.

“I…I don’t have….—“I do. I have it.” The vampire quickly stepped forward and handed the sum to the dark knight. Astarion glanced at Tav who seemed a little surprised. “What? You didn’t think I gave you all the coin when I was picking those pockets and coffers, did you?”

“The price is paid.” The knight then spoke. “Kneel, oathbreaker.” Tav kneeled and the Oathbreaker Knight repeated the words of their vow. An ancient, deep magic enveloping them for a moment before a new oath was sealed and Tav’s vow was resorted. “It is done.”

Tav stood and seemed to look over themselves. “Well, lets hope I don’t live to regret this.”

“Regret is for those who would act differently.” The knight told them. “I do not think you would change your choice, as nor would I.”

The knight then disappeared. Leaving them alone. “So…that’s why you have been so upset recently?”

“Yes.” Tav confessed. “I meant what I said. It was the right thing to do. But the more we go on this journey…the more I realize that what is right and what holds my oath are not always the same thing.”

“The world is full of greys and purples, my darling.” Astarion reached out to take Tav’s hand gently in his. “You taught me that. I wouldn’t be here…I wouldn’t be anywhere if it weren’t for you. I’m not really an accurate barometer on which way right is, but from where I am standing, there is no one more honorable than you. And if your gods can’t see that then more fools they.” Tav chuckled a little at him.

Astarion then took a deep breath. “Since…we’re up now.” He pondered aloud. Wondering how to say this properly. “There’s…something I’d like to show you, if that’s all right? Something out in the city.”

He took Tav’s hand in his again and led them into the city. To show them what his ‘oath’ had cost him. Where his old self had been. But, with this new lease, perhaps they could put those old selves away and focus on the new. A new path. A new future. A pledge to one another for a change.

[starlightsreigns]

get it together | s.sikoa

summary ⇢ emelie wants to work it out, she love's sefa too much to give up, but he needs to meet her hallway. word count ⇢ 2.1k tags ⇢ minors, do not interact. angst(kinda) and explicit language. author’s corner ⇢ thank u for the request, @bratzzzdoll this was an absolute thrill to write and hope you like it! x "i don't really wanna stay, i don't really wanna go."

Emelie brushes her hair into a neat ponytail. She stares into her vanity for a long moment, takes in her facial features then gently brushes under her eyes and takes a deep breath. Emelie feels tired, she looks tired, but she presents a front to the world where everything is perfect. There was a time when everything felt perfect, but perfect doesn’t exist in this life.

Downstairs, Emelie stands in the kitchen, prepping dinner. Cooking is her safe space and anytime she needs a moment to herself, she can’t help but cook a random meal she found online or bake so many sweets she’d have to ask her friends to come over and take them before she eats it all.

The house is quieter than usual, deciding against playing music tonight so she can be fully alone with her thoughts.

Sefa should’ve been home by now, but as of late, he’s come home later and later.

What has become of their relationship? There used to be a time when he’d be home the second he was done with training or with work. He’d burst through the door and wrap his arms around her and smother her in kisses then they’d eat dinner on the couch. Yet, now, he’d stay out late with his friends and she’d barely get a kiss.

They’re complacent.

Several years down in their relationship, nothing is progressing past the point of being boyfriend and girlfriend. They don’t officially live together, there’s no talk about the future and what’s to come.

Emelie gets it, truly, she gets it. WWE is demanding and he has relationships to foster through that tight schedule, but she’s taken the back seat in his life — on the totem pole, she’s found herself at the bottom.

How do they reconcile this?

“Emz?” His voice reverberates through the house.

“In the kitchen,” Emelie shouts as she moves to a different sauce pan. She hears the kitchen door open. “Hey, baby.”

Sefa peeks over her shoulder at the food, “I’ve had a long day.” He groans.

“Oh? What happened?” Emilie focuses on the fish she’s cooking.

Without a kiss, or acknowledging her, Sefa goes on to complain about his training and the myriad of other issues with his upcoming storyline. There’s a point where Emilie zones out, looking up and out of the window at the sink.

“I’m sorry it was so bad,” Emelie rubs his shoulder and sets his dinner in front of him. “Want a drink?”

“Nah, actually, Imma go shower and put the game on.”

Emelie watched him stand from the table with his plate and walk away. She takes a step forward then immediately stops. For a moment a pang hits her chest and she wants to say something, but instead she goes to finish the dishes in the sink. Her hands work roughly on the pans as her breathing quickens. She wants to kick, scream, and cry for him to see how she feels.

The simplest route is the hardest one and it rings in her ear: Emelie just leave.

She loves Sefa more than anything. They’ve gone through so much together, they’ve been through rough patches and those were easier than the pain she’s suffering now. This isn’t the love they’ve grown through the years. It makes her question whether or not there’s someone else.

“There’s no one else.” Emelie says aloud and drops the pan in the sick. The thought shocks her. It wasn’t a safe or healthy thing to ponder. She knows deep down in her heart that Sefa wouldn’t do that.

After setting the pans to dry and cleaning up, Emelie walks into the living room to see him in front of the TV. Sefa glances back at her then goes back to the TV. She stops behind the sofa and clocks the plate still filled with food.

“You not hungry, Sefa?” Emelie questions softly.

“Nah, I had dinner with the twins earlier.”

Emelie waits for a moment, waits to see if he’ll say anything else, but continues up towards the stairs where her purse sits in the first step. If she didn’t go home tonight, she’d lose her mind. Emelie ponders on it but goes up the stairs. She doesn’t want to leave, but she needs to leave… no, she doesn’t want to leave.

In the bedroom, she stares into the mirror and decides she needs to make a point. If she doesn’t go home, Sefa will think this is okay.

“Emelie?” Sefa clears his throat as he watches her put her jacket on downstairs. “Where you goin’?”

“I’m going home.” She speaks softly while tying her shoelaces. “I need to go home.”

Sefa stands up, “Emz, what’s going on?”

Emelie whips towards him, “Get it together, Sefa, I need to go and if it’s forever is up to you.”

A quick escape is nearly impossible when he rushes in front of her. Emelie stares at him, but it’s not a look filled with anger, it’s one of sadness. She doesn’t want to do this, but her back is against a wall.

“Emelie, baby, talk to me.” Sefa holds her cheeks in the palms of his hand. “What’s going”

“Why do you treat me the way that you, Sefa, we’ve been dating for almost five years and you treat me like I’m a house lady that takes over your space when you’re here. You don’t even come home and kiss me and spend time with me anymore.” Emelie looks down to keep the tears at bay. “And now I’m begging you—”

Sefa wipes a tear off her cheek, “Baby, I’m so sorry that I’ve made you feel like that.” He whispers softly and pulls her against his chest. “Please don’t leave, Emz.”

Emelie shuts her eyes for a second, “I just need to go home for the night, Sefa, I need a second.”

“i’m fed up with you not being here with me”

Her house feels colder. Emelie, for the past three years, spent most of her time at Sefa’s house. It was just easier for them to be there. She lived almost an hour away and her job was the midpoint. It was a convenient thing —but he never truly asked her to move it, so much so that she had to pack her bags for weeks at a time. Yet, the past three hours in her own home makes her slightly uncomfortable.

Emelie sits on the edge of her bed on her phone. She sighs at a text message from Sefa. She’s not going to break up with, she loves him too much for that, but Emelie just wants him to understand that there needs to be something more.

The text message makes her smile softly.

sefa: emz, i love you so much and im sorry i haven’t made you feel like i do. but baby, you the love of my life and i promise you’ll never question it ever it again. okay? can you please come home?

Emelie sighs. A second message makes her get out of bed.

sefa: emelie, will you come home? come open the door.

A silly look passes on her face as she makes her way to her front door. She opens it slowly. Sefa stands there with a bowl. He opens it slowly and Emelie can’t help but laugh softly. In the bowl is what looks like some semblance of food, but she’s not sure what.

“I cooked you dinner, and I’m hopin’ we can eat it at home together.” Sefa gives her a sincere grin. “Emelie, forgive me baby and I’ll never take you for granted ever again.”

Emelie stares at him for a second and nods. “I forgive you, baby,”

Sefa sets the bowl down then pulls Emelie into him and plants a soft kiss on her lips. She melts into him and smiles until they pull away.

“I know this is a couple years overdue, but Emz, I want you to move in. I want you to feel comfortable. It’s always been our home and you should feel like it is.” Sefa moves her hair out of her face. “Is it a yes?”

“I just want us to have better communication,” Emelie searches his eyes. “But yes, I’ll move in with you, baby.” She smiles brightly, jumping into his arms.

“You know love is all I need”

Emelie stares into the mirror as she nitpicks her outfit. She spent over an hour trying to figure out what to wear until she landed on a little red dress Sefa bought for her years ago, she paired it with the highest heels she owns, and allowed her curls to fan out over her shoulder. Emelie smiles into the mirror. In all honesty, Sefa hinted at wanting to see her in the outfit tonight, so she obliged.

“Good enough to fuck,” she laughs at herself.

Since moving in, things have been… a work in progress. Things don’t change overnight, but Sefa is better at his communication and it’s made things easier to work on. Most days are easier than others, but five years makes you immune sometimes.

Tonight, Emelie decided to surprise him. In her sexiest outfit, she made his favorite meal, his second favorite dessert and kept his favorite dessert (her), ready to go.

Yet, the clock reads 10 and Emelie finds herself sitting alone at the dinner table. She looks down at her phone with a deep breath. She opens her text messages and sends him one message.

Emelie: hey baby, you coming home soon?

… then another fifteen minutes later.

Emelie: hey, are you okay?

… and another.

Emelie: Sefa. Just let me know you’re alive and safe.

Once the clock reads 11:45, Emelie is past the point of anger. He was supposed to be home at 8:30. She glances at her phone when he finally texts back and her jaw drops.

Sefa: damn emzzz, im otw

A ticking time bomb activates inside of her. She pushes her chair back and grabs the plates of food from the table. Emelie practically kicks down the door of the kitchen and marches to the trash can. Through the anger, she drops the food and the plates into the trash.

“He really must have me fucked up.” She grits.

Emelie paces the kitchen in hopes to calm herself down. Finally, she takes a massive breath and exits the kitchen in time to see Sefa walk through the door. Her eyes zeros in on him and he can see the anger in them.

“Baby, please, just come here.” He immediately runs towards and takes her hand. “Emz, lemme explain and I swear it’ll make sense.”

She doesn’t respond. Emelie can’t find a word to describe her anger nor her disappointment. Everything has been going so good and he goes and fucks it up like this.

“First of all, I’m sorry I ain’t text back or called before.” He cups her face. “I’m sorry about the dinner I know you cooked for us.” Sefa glances back at the table.

Emelie pouts softly as she feels the tears coming, “Sefa, what the fuck is up with you?”

“Baby, just come with me and I’ll show you.”

As hesitant as Emelie was, she followed him out to his car. It wasn’t too long of a drive and confusion knits on her face when they pull into a neighborhood. The houses are extravagant, not that Sefa’s house wasn’t already insane, but these were just insane!

Sefa opens the passenger side door and helps Emelie out.

“What are we doin’ here?” Emelie looks at him. “Whose fucking house is this?”

A look passes on Sefa’s face. He stares at Emelie then smiles, “This our house, baby.”

Emelie doesn’t move and she doesn’t say a word. Her mouth hangs open as she turns to look at it. It’s a house out of her pinterest board dreams.

“You’re fucking lying,” Emelie gasps and walks up to him. “You’re lying, is the bitch you’re fucking living here?” She jokes.

“Baby, the only person I’m fucking is you, and we live here.”

It was all too much. Emelie pulls him closer and crashes her lips onto his. The tears that were at bay earlier fall like a waterfall onto her cheek. Sefa hugs her waist tightly and hums.

“I know I’m not the easiest to love, Emelie, but you deserve this and more.” He peers into her eyes whilst holding her up. “I love you.”

Emelie rubs her nose against his, “I’ll always love, Sefa, no matter what.”

“Wanna go see inside?” Sefa whispers against her lips. “I think you gonna like the bedroom.”

Emelie bites her lip, “Of course.”

this was very fun to write, hope you all enjoyed it x

send your request, as usual, and i'll try to get them done!

[starsreminisce]

For 2024, I decided to read and watch Outlander in its entirety, especially since Jamie has often been a source of inspiration for Lucien, and I’m still in Elucien brainrot to go ahead with it.

It might be confirmation bias, but there are so many parallels between Jamie and Lucien, as well as between Jamie and Claire and Elain and Lucien. While Jamie isn’t exactly Lucien, I do think SJM took inspiration from Jamie for Lucien, and their relationships seem to follow a similar dynamic.

There’s one particular point that really stands out to me, and it feels like a defining moment in Jamie and Claire's relationship, which might also be pivotal for Elain and Lucien’s story.

Spoilers for Outlander ahead:

The central struggle between Elain and Lucien seems to be the same as that between Jamie and Claire: who they are versus who they want to be. In Outlander, Claire and Jamie have several arguments that seem to mirror the tension between Elain and Lucien.

While Jamie and Lucien don’t share the same need for vengeance, Jamie’s proactive nature and his desire to do the right thing align closely with Lucien’s own sense of duty. Over time, Jamie takes on the mantle of leadership, often at the expense of Claire’s desire for a simpler life, and I think this will be a key pain point for Elain and Lucien. One section of Echo in the Bone stuck with me, where Claire finds Jamie almost dead, and he ends up losing a finger. She yells at him for constantly putting himself in danger, asking why he feels the need to do so. This is reminiscent of Lucien volunteering to find Vassa and his decision to live among humans.

In a similar vein, Feyre wonders about Azriel’s motivations, but the difference lies in their reasons. Azriel does it to prove his worth to the Inner Circle, similar to what Gwyn said to Nesta about working hard to earn her place.

Lucien, on the other hand, does it because it feels like the right thing to do. This is shown when Feyre asks him if he would have fought for the humans. Lucien proves his commitment by staying behind to help, even though it’s a dangerous path for a fae.

I busied myself by sorting through my pack until I found the canteen of water. “If you’d been alive for the War,” I asked him, taking a swig, “would you have fought on their side? Or fought for the humans?” “I would have been a part of the human-Fae alliance.” “Even if your father wasn’t?” “Especially if my father wasn’t.” But Beron had been part of that alliance, if I correctly recalled my lessons with Rhys all those months ago.

Lucien’s story is full of loss from his attempts to do the right thing: he lost the Autumn Court when he chose love, his eye when he stood up to Amarantha, he was whipped for his actions in ACOTAR, and he lost his home in the Spring Court due to Tamlin’s ruse.

The concept of the mating bond adds another layer to Elain and Lucien’s connection. The series has established that mates can sense what’s amiss due to their souls being connected. While most mating bonds are between mixed beings, except for Rowan who does have a fake mate storyline, the loss of a mate is profoundly felt, which deepens the story of Elain and Lucien. Elain is aware of this bond, and Nesta even expressed concern about what Lucien’s death would do to Elain.

Bryce described Prythian as wilder, and I cannot help but wonder if that extends to the mating bond. Considering the legend of the Mother pouring the Cauldron into the sea to create the world, it ties the mating bond to the origins of life in Prythian.

Additionally, HOFAS confirms that the mating bond is from a higher being. The book suggests that the Cauldron itself was merely a tool wielded by the Mother, a vessel for her power rather than its source.

Elain could be avoiding Lucien due to the bond’s intensity and the overwhelming need to come to terms with what it means to be mated to him. The mating bond forces her to confront not only her connection to Lucien but also her own identity and who she becomes through that bond. While Elain may appear the most secure in her identity compared to her sisters, being mated to someone like Lucien pushes her to face parts of herself she may not yet be ready to explore.

This mirrors Claire, a WW2 nurse and 1960s doctor who is also a time traveler, reconciling what it means to be with a Scottish Highlander during a volatile period of history: the Battle of Culloden and the American Revolution. We see glimpses of this struggle compared to what Claire, and even Bree, are used to with Frank, who is Jamie’s antithesis. It feels as though SJM wants to explore something similar through Elain and Lucien.

Lucien constantly places himself in dangerous situations out of his desire to do what’s right, but we know from ACOSAF that Elain and Lucien need to figure out who they are before they can fully accept the mating bond.

In ACOSF, we see them aligning toward this goal: Lucien has shown his inherent dominance, a key trait of a High Lord, and is linked to the humans through Vassa and Jurian. Elain, meanwhile, has shown her willingness to seek the trove, even if it means putting herself in danger for the right reasons.

That’s the beauty of Elain and Lucien’s story. Both of them are helping each other realize and eventually accept who they are meant to be, just like Jamie and Claire in Outlander.

[amfstargirl]

Yandere batfam x neglected reader

So, pack up your car, put a hand in your heart, sing what ever you feel, be wherever you are

We ain't angry at you love. ⋆·˚ ༘ *

The pain of the neglected soul. Under the heavy mood lingering in the manor. An architectural design that screams wealth but is never wealthy with love and laughter. well, at least not to the second youngest child of Bruce Wayne, the billionaire playboy, the most powerful man in Gotham City. Being a product of a mistake between an infamous prostitute and a well-known, almost "celebrity"-like man was not really an ideal life. Being shunned away by the woman who you call Mom, who's supposed to whisper sweet words to you and rock your fragile body back and forth to ease you of whatever you feel bad about, instead shoves you into the arms of an unknown man who's your supposed father. Yeah, that sucks.You've always adored your mom. Despite the horrible words she casually whispers to you - "you ruined me, kid"—you turn a blind eye to her actions and act deaf to her cruel words and instead pretend that she's the mom who loves you and adores you just as much as you do for her. Because it was better. It just was. Your brain can't really process the fact that your abusive mother can be abusive. No, not when she was the one who carried you for 273 days, birthed you, and gave you your name. A 5-year-old's brain can't possibly carry the thought of having that same woman hate you. So even when it was your birthday, you waited for her all day to come home and give you kisses and maybe a birthday cupcake or present. just for once, she comes home drunk, messy, and dizzy with a man on her arms while laughing feverishly. It crazy to think that was the most happiest you've seen her; she was always scowling when she was with you. Strange. Even so you greet her with a hug. "Momma, I've been waiting for you all day—" she cuts you off and tells you to get away from her and calls you this strange name "annoying" huh. Wonder what that means. And for the next hours you spend your birthday alone, in your bedroom. Awake and hungry. But it doesn't matter at least mom came home! Sometimes she doesn't even come home for a few days, but she came home today! That means she must love you. Only for a few days she stays at home with the strange man she brought home on the day of your birthday. It doesn't bother you, it was normal after all. She always do this and then after a few days the man's gone. Yeah, this is just temporary. You say as you clean the house full of dirty clothes and empty alcohol bottles. And then one night the strange man is yelling at your mom; screams filled the tiny apartment with smashing sounds of bottles echoing around the room. You're furious, and you want to defend the woman who you oh so lovingly call "mother" You push the man away, and it angers him. With his bloodshot eyes, he grabbed the bottle and smashed it at the side of your tiny head. You soon wake up in a large room with bright lights and thick white walls. Soon you find out that you're in a hospital; its so cool, it's the size of your living room! Maybe even bigger… Moments later you found out that your mother gave you up to some unknown man who is to be called your "father.". You thrash and scream against the nurse's hold and scream for your mommy, yet she never came.A strange man came and introduced himself. He said he was "Alfred" and said from now on he will take care of you. That's silly because no one in your entire life has had someone take care of you. Soon he drives you to a gloomy big house with lots of statues as Alfred proceeds to tell you that this will be your new home now. Different portraits adorn the walls, and shiny pottery and impressive works of art fill the house. Alfred soon introduced you to your father, Bruce Wayne. Now this is where it all starts. With your new home, hope sparked through your heart, and you believed that somehow, someway, maybe you'll be able to get the love that you have always longed for, yearned for, waited for.

Wrong.

Bruce Wayne, billionaire playboy, the most powerful man of Gotham, the heartthrob, the Batman, but never the father of y/n l/n. He doesn't even know you. Doesn't even try to acknowledge you and your hard work, desperate to try anything to make him pay attention to you. To give you the attention you crave and yearn for ever since you arrived at the comfort of his home. You weren't stupid. You knew who he was and his nightly activities. You understood. But what hurts was that despite this, he managed to give every. Single. One. Of his children, attention except you. Was it because you weren't like them? Was it because you didn't fight bad guys for a hobby? Or was it because he never deemed you worthy of his time? Why? Were all the things the kids and big adults whispered behind your back true? That you were a child of a whore and you were bound to become one too over a matter of time? Was it true you'll never compare to your siblings? Being compared to your siblings, who had so much talent and had their own special abilities that yours can't compare to, was draining—and partially true. Your little ballet classes can never impress bruce over his other children's combat skills, multilingual abilities, and genius calculations. And you learned to accept that over the years as you grew up.

Richard grayson, dick, the loving big brother, the family guy. Maybe he was a good guy. After all, he managed to acknowledge you for about 6 seconds one time! He even asked you about your ballet classes! Though that was only to distract his self before Damian came. Always the big brother and Lil brother duo! .. Despite being busy with being a full-time cop and a vigilante, he still makes time for family, the ones he considers as family. Not you, never you. Who were you kidding? Dick is the star of the show, and you're just another side character in his main character life! Just a plain, old, boring bystander. That's all you will ever be to little Richard Grayson's glam life story.

Jason todd was different. He was known as someone who was brutal and full of anger. So it was no problem for him to shove you and tell you off. He had no conscience in telling you to go away, and you liked that. You like the fact that at least he had the decency to not give you false hope. Jason todd hates you, and you know it. Jason todd is jealous of your normalcy and how oblivious you are to the danger of the world. In his eyes, you were his replacement; looking at you makes the green monster of envy crawl out of him and take his anger out on you. The way you are so vulnerable stirs something up inside of him, and he realizes that your eyes look just like his when he was full of wonder and innocence. It made him restless and irritated. It reminded him of his mistakes, foolishness, and those memories he buried deep inside his mind to save him from countless nightmares he desperately ran away from.

Timothy Drake, the genius Robin, the hero by choice, the prodigy son. You would be lying if you said that you weren't jealous of Tim at all. I mean, look at him! He's a genius, a hero, a heartthrob, and a role model to several youths of Gotham. He was exactly like Bruce, and I mean exactly like Bruce. His life revolved around solving crimes, fighting bad guys, acing all of his tests, and coffee. Anything was more important other than you. Sure! He has time to cuddle with his family for movie night (without you, of course) but never has the time to play video games with you. Everything seemed to send thrills to his veins and spark an interest in him except your very existence. If you were just a mere bystander in Dick's story, you weren't even in Tim's!

Cassandra. The girl of the family. You have always envied her. Not only was she the only girl of the family and doted on by every single one of your brothers, but you and she also shared the same interest. What's even more infuriating was that she didn't even have to try. She didn't have to beg countless times to have anyone attend her performances because they were all there. Even Jason, who hid in the shadows. They were all there to support her and show her the love you have always asked for, begged for. She swooned all of them with her dancing, and you can't help that maybe her hands are more gentle, maybe her feet are more pointed, maybe her posture is more straight than yours, maybe she's prettier than you, maybe she's more worth than you.

And finally. Damian al Ghul Wayne. The youngest son, the baby brother, the scarred child loved by his family. When Damian came into the manor, you were thrilled. You thought that maybe you and he could bond over the same trauma. Maybe finally someone can understand you.You thought wrong again. Damian thought you were weak and a disgrace to the bloodline of the Wayne family clan. He called you thousands of cruel names and insulted you whenever he had the chance to. He always belittled you and showed you no mercy, going as far as to drag the blade of his sword across your neck, drawing blood, just for him to cruelly laugh in your face and tell you that you are being dramatic. You forgave him. You were a good kid. Right? So why is it that a kid who made thousands of innocent lives bleed through his sword is sitting with his father—your father—on the couch, sleeping soundly on his chest? It's not fair.

They were never fair.

As Dick was checking the CCTV footage of the manor out of boredom, he managed to catch a glimpse of footage—about 2 weeks ago—of a person packing their bags and putting things from the manor into a box and leaving. It must be a thief! But that's impossible. The manor has many securities that even a skilled assassin could not pass through the gates; it's impossible. Unless…Dick took another glance at the footage and zoomed in on the screen and squinted his eyes. And for a second, his breath hitched and his heart pumped fast, his hand trembled, and his eyes dilated.

It can't be.

[twinnedpeaks]

it’s DELAYED but it’s HERE:

my list of favourite and least favourite books i read this year as someone who reads a lot and works with books <3 mostly horror books since that’s my area, but other genres as well.

BEST:

thirteen storeys by jonathan sims - given how big a tma fan i am it didn’t surprise me that i loved this. but i have NOT shut up about it since. one of the horror books i rec most often at work. genuinely just so good. i love his brain so much. i wanna study it under a microscope.

interesting facts about space by emily austin - this book gave me an autistic lesbian with mommy issues in the best way possible. loved it so much. cannot wait for her new book.

a botanical daughter by noah medlock - i could have CRIED from how beautiful this book was. basically a frankenstein retelling with a tender, botanical, queer heart.

butter by asako yuzuki - i’m not usually a big crime/thriller reader, but this FLOORED me. read it coming home from a trip and i was so enraptured by the story and the dynamics. saw it won waterstones book of the year so! good for her.

brainwyrms by alison rumfitt - oohh miss rumfitt you’ve done it again …. such a viscerally brilliant and at times disgusting tale. i recced this to a regular at work and she messaged me saying ‘okay. what the fuck did you make me read’.

it came from the closet: queer reflections on horror - some of horror’s big queer artists talk about how they felt seen in horror media as lgbtq people!! so interesting. picked this up at gay’s the word in london.

a lonely broadcast by kel byron - this felt like reading a tma episode and that is a compliment. so unique and stunning. i want the next book now.

evocation by s t gibson - i’m rarely a fantasy girlie but BY GOD this ruled. tarot inspired magic system with a toxic polycule? from the author of a dowry of blood? sold.

monstrilio by gerardo samano cordova - i named this my favourite read of the year on ig for a REASON. holy fucking hell i still struggle to find words for this book. so full of grief and love and humanity.

bury your gays by chuck tingle - now THIS was fun as hell. gay slasher w some truly brilliant moments.

summer sons by lee mandelo - godddddd this. just. yeah.

compound fracture by andrew joseph white - genuinely one of the best modern horror writers out there, and this was no exception. managed to snag a signed first edition through work and i shall treasure it.

a sunny place for shady people by mariana enriquez - horror short stories!!!! loved all of them so much.

witchcraft for wayward girls by grady hendrix - i know hendrix is one of those authors you either love or hate BUT. i love his work, honestly. reminded me of ahs coven and the craft. i got an arc back in october and devoured it.

she’s always hungry by eliza clark - ah tapeworms my beloved <3 i will read everything clark writes forever.

perfume and pain by anna dorn - this was so messy and fun. truly what it’s like to attempt to be a writer while also being just a very messy kind of sad person.

evil in me by brom - i am a HUGE brom fan and this latest book was everything i could have wanted.

don’t let the forest in by cg drews - GOD YES I enjoyed this. reminiscent of summer suns or a horror version of the raven boys. loved loved it.

blackwater by michael mcdowell - how the HELL have i never read these???? southern gothic perfection. there are a couple books and i’ve read the first three and adored them.

WORST:

my throat an open grave by tori bovalino - when i heard it was a horror novel about fae loosely inspired by labyrinth i was so excited. it, however, fell SO flat and i was bored.

day one by abigail dean - only read this because i got it for free from work. it was not worth the money. reminded me why i don’t read crime novels.

we used to live here by marcus kliewer - ok it feels a little unfair to put this with the worst, because i DID have fun reading it. i was just wildly disappointed. i had so many people telling me it was the scariest book they had ever read, and it just felt a bit like a sad attempt at ripping off jordan peele’s us.

incidents around the house by josh malerman - honestly, same reasoning as above. just less fun and more boring.

let the right one in by john ajvide lindqvist - i’m sorry but the writing here was genuinely just so bad that i couldn’t focus on the story itself. great movie, bad writer.

dearest by jacquie walters - could not tell you what happened in this book. could not make myself care.

mean spirited by nick roberts - i’m sorry but this was just so fucking stupid i couldn’t take it seriously. you might love it if you’re really scared of dogs or communication.

[pinepickled]

I know they jumped u op but you're very correct

Ultimately that's what allowed Theo to manipulate his way into the pack so easily

Normally when people (irl) advocate against killing wrongdoers, it's because of the sanctity of life in one part, and the other part is "who decides who deserves to die?"

But Scott never makes either of those arguments. He weakly asserts that killing people makes them "as bad as the bad guys", but that sentiment alone reveals SO MUCH about how poorly thought out his ideology is- and therefore, it's true role in protecting his psyche. There are no good nor bad guys. Scott himself cannot assert that there are while also believing in sparing people and second chances. If there are bad guys, then why not kill them? They're bad and you're good. Less bad = more good. Instead, Scott inherently acknowledges through his actions that there is such a thing as shades of gray, despite Stiles i believe vehemently refuting that when Theo says it. Scott cannot in good conscience spare people like Deucalion or Jackson or Peter if he doesn't believe that they have the capacity for good. That there is light in their darkness; good in their bad; shades of gray.

That old meme that goes, "if you kill a killer, the amount of killers in the world stays the same" "kill two" applies.

Theo preyed on that gap in Scott's logic to endear himself to the pack. Malia felt alienated and alone in season 5- totally misunderstood. She longed to be an animal, where it's inherently understood that you must kill to survive. Theo met her without judgment, with nothing but support and understanding, and handed the power Scott took from her by being leader back to her. Scott being pack leader came with this de facto rule that the pack must be honest with him, even if they know he'll be unreasonable and won't understand- Theo showed that within the pack, they could still be strong, even if they disagreed with Scott's moral paradigm.

Stiles situation was even more on the nose. He killed someone out of self defense, in the heat of the moment. One might argue that the situation with Monroe in s6B was the same, and yet Scott refused to find a violent solution there too- and trust i will come back to this- but it ended up driving an incredible rift between the two closest people in the pack. Theo didn't exacerbate what wasn't already there. Stiles in the very first episode *yells* at Scott for not thinking enough, not worrying enough. He doesn't fear for his life enough, because he is the big bad wolf, but Stiles is so painfully human. Theo offered him comradery and understanding the same way he did Malia, and possibly even intentionally gave Stiles leverage over him. Why would Theo spend so much time making his fake life absolutely perfect, only to hand Stiles irrefutable black mail? It was power. He gave Stiles power, power over himself, and with power came comfort. They were in the same boat: kill or be killed. Live or die. Stiles didn't have to feel so alone in his crime, deathly afraid that Scott would turn on him, because Theo was there, comforting him at every step.

(Sidenote, i think making Theo into an outright villain in season 5 was hamfisted. Why would he make the dread doctors promise him a family, work to bridge the obvious gaps in the McCall pack, only to flip on a dime for something as obscure as "power"? Power that Theo regularly traded in to comfort the pack members? It doesn't make any sense. He claims he wants Scott's pack without Scott, but he spent sooooo much time getting Scott to see his pack's pain and guided him on how to be a better Alpha for them?? Like, that doesn't sound like someone just chasing power to me, but whatever.)

Also, Scott doesn't seem to have any issue with death-like punishments. Like, let's be real. He approved of killing Theo. Kira literally sent him to super turbo hell, how is that any different from killing him?

ALSO HE LITERALLY PLAYED A PART IN KILLING PETER IN SEASON FUCKING 1???? CLEARLY HE DOES UNDERSTAND 'KILL OR BE KILLED' WHEN HIS ASS IS ON THE LINE!

Teen Wolf also does address Scott's hypocrisy! In Season 6B with Monroe, Scott begins seeking out the most ruthless people he knows, but never to any explainable end- until Peter and Deucalion call him out. Scott doesn't want blood on *his* hands, but he's fine with putting known killers on a hunting path. Deucalion and Peter both refuse this outright, calling him out on wanting them to do his dirty work. But the show never resolves this! Scott never has to deal with Monroe nor the other hunters- who the series literally likens to Nazis several times- she just gets away in the last episode to tease a spinoff that never came, and that is *so* revealing. Monroe tries to kill innocent shifters several times, tries to kill humans several times INCLUDING SCOTT'S MOTHER, and successfully lead what Teen Wolf itself likens to a genocide! And not once does Scott think "hmm, killing the leaders of this movement might do me some good".

For the record, Chris Argent ends half the conflict by killing his dad. Killing. Like dead. Maybe if he killed the werewolf genocide expert in season 2 like he should have, a lot of innocent deaths could've been avoided. Instead he spared him, healed him, and look what happened. He had to be put down for even a *fraction* of the violence to stop.

It doesn't matter how many people they kill, it doesn't matter how many innocents are brutally hunted down and tortured, it doesn't matter how justified the kill. Like, am I the only one who remembers Scott being angry with 2 werewolves from the notoriously pacifist pack being forced to kill 2 hunters to survive?? He was upset at them! He shamed them for surviving! Only for a hunter to infiltrate his ranks and kill them anyway! But when Stiles had to kill a shifter to survive, it turned out to be fine!

Also, didn't Stiles like really fr kill people while under the Nogitsune's influence? Why does he get forgiven but Theo, manipulated at the ever so mature age of 9, get the crap? And again, Kira killed Theo? And they all killed Peter? Lydia killed that scientist guy??? Jackson ffs killed SO MANY PEOPLE??? ETHAN??? MALIA AND THE DESERT WOLF??? HELLLOOOOO???? CHRIS FUCKING ARGENT???

Scott is NOT JUSTIFIED!! He is a HYPOCRITE!!

Some musings about Scott's morality (probably not very common and a little controversial)

Scott McCall’s adherence to his no-kill rule can be seen as both a moral stance and a psychological defense mechanism, shaped by his own fears, insecurities, and desire to preserve his innocence. At its core, Scott’s refusal to kill, even when faced with situations that may arguably call for it, reflects a deeper internal struggle to maintain a clear sense of right and wrong. However, this rigid adherence to his ideals, especially when it leads to others suffering, reveals underlying contradictions in his character.

Scott's moral code is largely centered on protecting his own sense of innocence and moral purity. By clinging to the no-kill rule, he avoids the emotional burden of directly taking a life, even if it means allowing harm to befall others. Psychologically, this allows Scott to protect his self-image as a "good" person. His reluctance to engage in lethal violence can be seen as a defense against the guilt and moral ambiguity that would come with making more ruthless choices.

In the case of the Kanima, Scott's refusal to kill Jackson despite the clear threat he posed to others shows how his need to maintain his moral boundaries outweighs the immediate threat to those around him. His insistence on finding non-lethal solutions, while noble, reflects an almost selfish prioritization of his internal morality over the safety of others.

There’s also an aspect of moral superiority in Scott’s unwavering no-kill stance. He often positions himself as the moral compass of the group, but this also gives him a sense of control over situations. By dictating that no one should kill, Scott maintains his leadership position and moral authority. However, this control is built on a framework that isn’t always flexible or responsive to the nuanced, dangerous situations he faces. His rigid moral stance can put others at risk, as seen when lives are endangered by the Kanima’s rampage while Scott focuses on preserving Jackson’s life.

Scott's no-kill rule can be seen as a form of psychological conflict avoidance. Killing someone would force him to confront the darker aspects of his role as a supernatural leader and protector. By adhering strictly to his rule, Scott avoids the internal conflict that would come from crossing that line. In a way, Scott’s reluctance to kill is an avoidance mechanism that keeps him from fully engaging with the morally complex world he inhabits, allowing him to maintain a black-and-white view of morality.

While Scott views his refusal to kill as a form of self-sacrifice, it can often lead to the sacrifice of others instead. In situations like the Kanima case, where innocent lives are at stake, Scott’s refusal to make the hard choice arguably protects his own conscience more than it protects the people he’s responsible for. This can be seen as an attempt to shield himself from the psychological toll of killing, while others bear the physical consequences of his inaction. It’s a form of indirect selfishness—by preserving his own sense of moral integrity, he unintentionally places the burden of suffering on others.

Scott’s no-kill rule is a complex and flawed psychological mechanism. While it is rooted in a genuine desire to be morally upright, it often causes harm by preventing him from making hard but necessary choices. His strict adherence to this rule can be seen as a defense against guilt, moral ambiguity, and the loss of his own innocence, but it also exposes him as someone who prioritizes his internal morality over the safety and well-being of those he is meant to protect. In this way, Scott's idealism becomes a form of moral tunnel vision, where the desire to remain "good" leads to greater harm for those around him.