#liu is so queer coded and I love him for it

[creativecuteness]

I did it, at long last it's finally done. So, remember how I said I had a primal urge to draw Liu Mason in a skirt. Yeah, I was already working on the design for a few days at that point. I couldn't help myself I've been trying to repair my relationship with art recently and actually get around to breaking the toxic cycle I have with it. Along with actually improving for that passion project I kept teasing you all with. So, yeah, here's my redesign of Liu. I've mentioned this before, and I'll mention it again for some insane reason I kept seeing Liu as ginger thinking that's what his creepypasta counterpart looked like glasses included. It wasn't until I stumbled upon Liu's actual character render and some Homicidal Liu artwork that I realized "Aw snickerdoodles I was way off." I nearly scrapped the design in favor of something more canon however I realized a few things. Number one, this is Liu eight years after episode two a lot has changed in those years, I can totally see Liu dying his hair to distance himself from the past and avoid attention from those who may be looking for him including Jeff (If you look closely, you can see his roots showing.) Also, I wanted to showcase the performance outfit he wore for a music video directed by Dakota and her group. (I'm sure I'm not the only one who head canons him as cross dressing in his free time.) So, there's that too, is this picture perfect no. I'm sure I made a ton of mistakes both in the drawing process and rendering and shading process. This was the first time I truly challenged myself in the coloring process and I can't guaranty I did it right, but practice is practice, and I improved in so many ways while drawing him. This is pretty much the first time something came out almost exactly how I envisioned it. (Even though I did trace a little bit but not a lot.)

You can watch the speed painting of the picture here, so you can get a closer look.

And yes, it's super hard to see but there's beads on his shoelaces that are the gender queer and gender fluid pride flags. I couldn't pass up the chance to do that. Head canons and hopefully casual clothing will be coming soon.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Review Blurbs: Barbie (2023)

~General Thoughts~

-I thought this movie would be like... PG. And then it got really emotional when Barbie was looking through Gloria's memories of the days when her and her daughter were at their happiest before Sasha grew up. And then Barbie got called a fascist. So

-Margot Robbie is an insanely talented actor. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not sure how well the movie would've done for me if I wasn't invested in the main character but Margot completely ate the role and made the story of Stereotypical Barbie very endearing to watch

-The pacing was surprisingly good for me, I'm usually really picky about pacing but they were able to balance out transitioning from the silly stuff to serious and back again pretty well, Greta Gerwig you have my applause

-Its an interesting detail that the Real World is still intentionally somewhat unrealistic and caricature-ish similar to the Barbie world is; not sure if that's just Greta's style or if there was a reason for it, made the movie a little jarring imo but I'd love to know why she did it and what effect she was going for

-The fact that Barbie wasn't interested in Ken and rejected him and it was treated as a good thing is just *chef's kiss*

-The Kens fight scene being a colorful musical number with eccentric choreography was so fun to watch I want more

-I don't care what you've been through, nothing could've prepared anyone for that gynecology line. Its such a genius way to remind you that Barbie now has to deal with the biological changes of becoming human. 10/10

-Allan beating up the construction worker Kens was the best moment 10/10

-Speaking of Allan, I loved how Allan was a metaphor for someone who doesn't fit into the gender binary. He was the only non Barbie/Ken, had his own unique name and was always uncomfortable/disappointed with the world around him no matter who was in charge, which was a great way to subtly insert this kind of character. He happily sided with the Barbies to help take down the Kens, embracing all the pink and cheering alongside them when they won, while also looking very sad during the part where the Kens were realizing they failed. Just all of it screamed gender-non conforming to me. I've seen some interpretations saying Allan is a representation of a gay man (being more of a "Ken" presentation wise but finding more of a space among women and being deeply uncomfortable with patriarchy perpetuated by straight men) and some saying he's nonbinary (wanting to leave Barbieland behind and never being satisfied no matter who was in charge); either way, what they did with Allan was very cool and I'm glad some queerness, even if subtle and less prominent, was included in the movie)

-Similarly, Weird Barbie isn't getting nearly enough love. She was one of the most fun characters for me (Kate McKinnon magic, duh) and she like Allan could definitely represent someone out of the cishetero-normative/gender binary (I've seen people saying she's very queer-coded and it honestly makes sense, she tends to dress and act in more un-feminine ways which I think says butch lesbian but its up to interpretation) I am also very gay for her give her more attention cause she deserves it, seriously

-John Cena mermaid

-Simu Liu Ken constantly antagonizing Ryan Gosling Ken over Barbie's attention and being the better Ken within Barbieland is a metaphor for how patriarchy will put women against each other for the attention of men and make women fight each other too much to realize who the real enemy is

-Margot Robbie being acknowledged as "not the best to make this point about ugliness" was fantastic lmao, love the meta-narration

-The way Ken's story arc and the commentary around patriarchy with the incel-pipeline was very strong, and I respect Greta for critiquing it the way she did (I made a full post here )

-Ken and Ken should've kissed. Any of them. All of them.

-Barbie deciding to be human in the end despite her whole journey being about wanting to be a perfect Barbie doll again and her being terrified of flat feet and cellulite but then telling that old woman how beautiful she was and watching humans be normal and mimicking their expressions because even though its scary she wants to feel the way humans do because she sees the beauty in it and its a love letter to women and to people and the complexity of our messy species omfg I'm gonna cry other people said it better than me so go look at their stuff

-Barbie helping out Ken despite everything he'd done because she didn't want things to go back to how they were when Barbies ruled the world, she wanted something different, better, and she helped the person she had every right to want to hurt because we're supposed to be better than those who hurt us

~Criticisms~

-As an add-on to the caricature blurb, I felt a bit weird watching cause Greta's style recreated facets of misogyny as a caricature, so things like patriarchal brainwashing, sexual assault and other very harmful misogynist rhetoric were told in a slapstick way. I was uncomfortable throughout a lot of it, and I'm still deciding if I consider it a genuine criticism to have such matters told in this way or if its just personal preference; would like to know other thoughts if you're willing to share. Regardless, just be aware of it if that stuff's triggering to you so you're prepared for it

-Loved the emphasis on uplifting femininity in Barbie, and I understand the metaphor behind the change, but I can't help feel they pulled a Breakfast Club with Sasha going from her all black attire to suddenly very feminine and with makeup. Being gender non-conforming isn't just for queer people, lots of women are like this and it feels like media makes it seem like this kind of woman is impossible. Not all women wear makeup, not all women are feminine, and I would love for a more masculine/GNC woman character to be able to actually be that. I'll forgive it a bit since Barbies' styles kinda revolve around makeup, and Weird Barbie was consistently butch, just wish characters that are brought up with the prospect of gender-nonconformity could actually stay that way

~Final Thoughts~

Surprisingly good! Don't get me wrong, movies with this style can be good for sure but with the recent surge of mediocre movies I didn't have too much faith. However, I was very happy with how enjoyable and passionate it was. Highly recommend if you like caricature-type works, and/or want to get into some basic feminist ideology in a more fun way that's still very meaningful and heartfelt. Barbie is not just a feminist critique, but a love letter to women, girl hood, and the complexities of humans and how beautiful that can be <3

[yichens]

ten favorite characters from ten different things

thank you for tagging me into this jaz @jazthespazz and sierra @jockvillagersonly ♥ 

i decided to make this a list of characters i’ve fallen in love with during this year bc otherwise it would be way too hard to decide. prepare yourself for a lot of rambling bc my heart is an ocean and i can only float in it aimlessly as well as song recommendations bc those are a must! (vish making things about music? unheard of)

tagging: @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenlights @zhanqzhehan @underaswift-sunrise @jaecomments @s1utspeare and @xiejie-liubo ♥ no pressure getting this thoroughly into this or at all and if you’ve done this already, please ignore me :’D 

my faves under the cut~

Hei Xiazi / DMBJ

(live footage of hei xiazi jumping out of a coffin and straight into my heart like the menace he is)

ok so this might have a lot to do with liu yuning playing the role but i have just found a totally new love for hei xiazi after ultimate note. while i was talking to ashen the other day, i came to the realization that hxz has become my new favorite character in the whole world of dmbj. he is just... there’s a lot of inside of him that makes me curious. behind that goofy smile, stupid jokes, posing, leather jackets, sunglasses and attitude acres wide, i see many mysteries i am very keen on solving. he’s an interesting character that leaves a lot of space for headcanons, and i’ve crafted a couple of those myself. i see a lot of fragility behind his confidence, though i also think that he’s extremely strong in many aspects. he’s gone through a lot and survived, and despite his smiles, he has his burden to carry. he’s surprisingly kind and caring despite his harder edges. he’s selfless despite pretending otherwise. he’s loyal and trustworthy and in this essay i will-

Kamikaze by Night Argent x

Qin Yiheng / Psych-Hunter

(my best boys on their moonlit date. this is my fave scene in the whole drama. also shows off the amazing costuming)

after being absolutely enamored by jiang shuo (bc of hou minghao and his ridiculously pretty face), it didn’t take me long to fall in love with qin yiheng. this boy is an absolute gay disaster and i love him for it. he makes my heart ache with his puppy eyes. he is so, so in love with jiang shuo, and even if his devotion to him is explained in other ways, i will never believe anything else. he would give his life for jiang shuo. meanwhile, he ignores most of his own emotions and worries and doesn’t talk about them, making me hurt. there is so much queer coding to his story. all his struggles with his family hit me really close. he’s lovely. i’m happy jiang shuo and muqing return his devotion in the end, especially when his and jiang shuo’s quest turns upside down and qin yiheng becomes the sole focus of the story for once (i keep juggling between wanting a second season and being absolutely terrified of how badly they could ruin that bc some of the plot already makes zero sense)

In Time by Koste x

Sui Zhou / The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty

(sui zhou is just a house husband who wishes to cook for his husband and their adoptive daughter and their misfit group of friends-become-family)

when i started watching tsomd, i didn’t expect to fall in love with anyone. listening to my dear kiddo talk about this drama and their feelings on it, i didn’t really see anything else to grasp on but the found family aspect. i expected to maybe adore tang fan a little and otherwise just enjoy the ride. jokes on me, sui zhou hit me like a train. he absolutely wrecked me, and am currently circling around the suitang pit that is threatening to swallow me up. but sui zhou is just... he is so selfless somehow? those he loves could ask him to jump off a cliff and he would ask how high the cliff should be. there’s zero hesitation in him when it comes to keeping ppl safe. he’s strong and soft at the same time and his inability to face his emotions while drowning in them is making me ache. there are some aspects to his character that i do not enjoy (his obvious distaste towards the oirat ppl for example bc that’s very prejudiced of you my guy) but i still love him with my whole chest. i just wish him happiness. i just wish him to see that he is worthy of not being in pain.

Demons on the Side of My Bed by Teflon Sega x

Hao Du / The Long Ballad

(he looks so pretty ok. after ultimate note, am absolutely ecstatic to see liu yuning’s beautiful eyes doing things)

with tlb, it’s very hard to choose a favorite character out of everyone when they have so much good in them. but bc liu yuning was my reason to start this drama, i have to say hao du. my precious, broken boy hao du. from the moment i first saw him in the drama, with his stoic face and pinched eyebrows and proud 188cm(?) of height, i was in love with him. i have never cried this easily over one character. there were scenes where hao du was merely present and i was just sobbing bc he’s so good. i loved his and leyan’s storyline, which slowly turned into hao du finding his place among ppl that care about and accept him (i loved his and wei shuyu’s grudgingly sprouting friendship around leyan the most. this is how my ot3 was born and you can pry it from my cold, dead fingers). he had so many doubts of himself, and his tendency to appear scary bc ppl had always reacted to him with fear tore me apart. it was wonderful to see him grow soft over leyan and his love for her. it was wonderful to see him accept that being scary-looking didn’t mean that he was a bad person. his smile melts my heart. he should smile more :’)

눈 Snow by SURL (설) x

Cao Weining / Word of Honor

(just look at those eyes!!)

my sunshine boy! my starry-eyed son!! the best human puppy out there!! ah gosh i love him. he is just so pure? he had to smile once at a-xiang and i was sold. his love for her, his devotion and loyalty and purse adoration, his strong as all hell first love for this wild girl he once met in a tavern, is just everything to me. i was terrified that the show would ruin his character to me with some weird jealousy bullshit but cao weining always delivered. he stayed true to himself until the very end. i adored it how soft and sappy he was, how kind he was to everyone, how he became to adore wenzhou and chengling too and was just so, so proud to have a-xiang by his side. i ached for him and his devastating smiles a lot. i cried for him being just so horribly sweet and breaking a-xiang with it. he would’ve deserved everything and i am so terribly sad that his final happiness was taken from him through a betrayal that absolutely shattered his heart right before his end. 

紙船 by Joker Xue and Yisa Yu x

Bo Ya / The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity

(he is the most beautiful man out there. i still remember how i was watching this movie for the first time and texted kiddo that i would be dying if boya let his hair down and guess what happened in the next scene :D)

i think boya being here might also have something to do with the fact that i am just very much in love with deng lun. but even without that, i just love yuan boya so much. i don’t even know how to describe him exactly? he is very stubborn, first and foremost. he chooses to believe into one thing and he could die for his beliefs but he is also one for doubt and critique. when met with qingming, he doubts and feels absolutely puzzled bc the other man doesn’t fit anything he’s learned in his life. it’s interesting to see how he comes into terms with that puzzlement and then decides that he adores it. he is so loyal once he decides that someone is worthy of his loyalty. i loved seeing how his distaste turned into adoration. i loved seeing how his stoic demeanor slowly cracked and we got to even witness some joking from him at the end of the movie. he’s wonderful and so graceful and i could write poetry out of how beautiful he is. he is a protector and i am glad that he found a companion in qingming. 

心動 by Liu Yuning x

Li Jia / The Journey Across the Night

(he is a puppy. i have no idea how zsx has such a puppy face but he does. i adore him.)

i have talked about this before but i absolutely adore it how kind li jia is. his determination and desperation to help other ppl, to reassure them, guide them, support them, feel for them and understand them is very admirable to me. he is so ready to help even a total stranger bc he sees ppl’s pain. he feels their pain as his own. and bc of this he bleeds: he takes his own heart and rips it right open and bleeds love onto everybody he comes across even if he lacks love for himself. he’s terrified of hurting ppl accidentally, and i think i saw something of myself in that. i have never felt so much for a character or adored a drama this much. i will always have a place in my heart for li jia. especially for the scene where he finally understands that his life is not destined to go to hell; that he can affect his own future. that he can be happy and take strength from other ppl. that his sickness doesn’t dictate his life and can be turned over. that he is not broken rather than he is just a human. i love him so much. i wish, sometimes, that i can be someone like him. 

Kansas by Talos x

Teng She / Love and Redemption

(his sassiness is so delightful and his actor does so well with all the snake mannerisms, it’s so clever)

i was not left with much once i finally finished watching lnr. i did like sifeng a lot but him getting hurt over and over again became a bit boring towards the end. the main lady (whose name i have conveniently forgotten) was someone i did not care about at all. the romance between her and sifeng had so many aspects that made me gag that i didn’t really root for them either (tho i was happy they got their happiness in the end, good for them). but teng she was an absolute delight amongst everyone. his snarky comments and bickering with the main lady made me so fond (also his love for sifeng? the best). he was a total disaster but i liked him more bc of it. his struggle between his growing fondness for his friends and his duty to the heaven and its king made a great conflict and following that was actually interesting. i hope we could’ve seen more of him. i hope we could’ve seen more about his and the green dragon’s relationship bc those two were so obviously going somewhere and i think the green dragon was having a big, fat crush and. i don’t blame him. as said, teng she is a delight. he’s so pretty. i would adore him too if he was bothering me every day and existed at a grabbing distance.

Rosario by Epik High ft. CL, ZICO x

Jiang Yuelou / Killer and Healer

(am glad that he got to smile despite everything sob)

my therapist asked me, back when i was talking about killer and healer to her bc what else would i blabber about than my various dramas, if there is a character in this one that i relate to. back then i very smoothly lied that it’s chen yuzhi bc of his kindness. right after that session i came to realize however that it’s actually this bastard. jiang yuelou, as disastrous and, at times, horrible as he is, has some aspects i can recognize in myself. he even has some of the insecurities and fears. he is an absolutely horrible cop and i doubt he actually enjoys his job that much but he wants to do good. he is loyal to a fault, loves to death, fights for justice (at least his own idea of justice). he’s fierce and smart and resourceful, and i remember admiring his persistence. i wish his anger and other emotions wouldn’t have clouded his mind so much. he would’ve deserved his happiness with those he cared about and not as much pain as he was finally put through for his own ambitions. he is an interesting character and i think his many sides and flaws made him someone that caught my attention.  

Strangers by TAEMIN x

Xie Xiaoman / Time Flies and You Are Here

(using one of the promotional pics bc am lazy. and she looks lovely in this :’) this whole drama looks super lovely tbh, i keep giving hearteyes to the sets and outfits)

the only lady on this list which is probably sad but the things i consume these days offer very few women that stick with me. xie xiaoman is an exception, even if i never could’ve predicted this. ppl have probably figured by now how much i love and hate time flies as a drama but it has just been so interesting to follow. it has moments that get me groaning and moaning and i have almost lost my faith in humanity at least a dozen time watching this but then there are moments that feel good? moments that feel brilliant??? and xiaoman has had many of those. i like it how she actually talks back to the prince (zeng shunxi’s character) and puts him to his place. i like it how she addresses all these difficulties and injustice the women of her society face. she’s from a poor family and doesn’t have the social status to actually do much about things but she doesn’t care. she’s vocal about the pain she and other women feel. she wants to be her own lord. she wants to give that strength to other women too and be a proper part of the society bc that’s what she deserves despite being a woman. i admire her for that, tho sometimes i am also frustrated with her bc in the end, he gives in to the prince. i get it tho; she’s in love with him. as much of a wreck as their relationship is (i keep telling kiddo that they tear each other apart and that their love destroys them), i get it that she can see the good in it too. they could be happy if not for the circumstances. i don’t think i still support them getting together bc the prince is an absolute ass but i feel her hesitation. it’s hard to let go of something like that even if it hurts.  

Summer Clouds by How Great Were the Robins x

Honorary mentions: Gu Xiang and Ye Baiyi from Word of Honor, Wang Zhi from The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, Mi Rou from Anti-Fraud League and Gene from Lovely Writer.  

if anyone dares to point out that i have a type when it comes to characters i love, i’ll just answer that i pretend i do not see it. my so already tells me all the time that my type is “twinks” and am just,,, ok. ok i admit. but i still pretend i do not see it. don’t come at me and my tragic twink sons 

this was so much fun. thank you if you read this far ^^ have a wonderful day ♥

[parf-fan]

Ask and ye shall fucking receive, bitches!!!

Oh yeah, that’s right, the cast lists have been posted!  Moreover, posted IN FULL!  Actors, character names, character professions, and chARACTER DESCRIPTIONS HOLY SHIT!!!!1!!

Once again, I have done my best to sort the Bacchanalians by track.  It was much more challenging than last year (and took a good deal longer), where I only mixed up two.  The music track is easy, of course, but combat and improv are another matter.  In the end, I simply could not decide for a fair number, and these are listed in a separate section.

A small note, I had to copyedit the FUCK out of these descriptions.  Man, I dunno, I think their apostrophe key was maybe busted? and there were loads of misspellings, a few missing spaces, and occasionally just the wrong word entirely.  If anyone with any sort of influence on the Faire’s website happens to see this, PLEASE go back and fix these errors.

As always, check the Faire’s website for headshots.  And also for the scenario, I guess, because I just realized I never got around to making a post about that.

Leads

Mary Huff :  Queen Elizabeth I – Queen of England

Young and full of hope for the future of her country, Queen Elizabeth I is eager to take part in the day’s festivities and to learn more about the people she is meant to rule. Though she is youthful in appearance, she should not be underestimated. Queen Elizabeth I is intelligent, quick-witted and does not suffer fools lightly.

Joshua Kachnycz :  Robert Dudley – Master of Horse

Wealthy and benevolent, this Englishman seeks to ensure everything is perfect for the Queen’s coronation day. Though he is a strong, independently wealthy, and capable man, he is not afraid to listen to and heed a woman’s opinion, which quickly makes him one of Queen Elizabeth I most trusted advisors and friends.  [Listen I am so glad this man is returning, he is such a joy to watch act.]  [Zis is pleasink to me!]

Alex Stompoly :  Henry Carry – Nobleman

Cousin to Elizabeth I, Henry Carey has a claim to the English throne and is not likely to let you forget it. While he ultimately wants what is best for the country, he doesn't always have the hearts of the ordinary citizens he represents at the forefront of his political strategy. It may take him a while to believe that such a young Queen can be a strong leader.  [OH FUCK YEAH ALEX IS THE VILLAIN THIS IS EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED]

Combat

Sunny Vinsavich :  Bev Tanningrove – Tanningrove Family Muscle

When carousing with friends, she is playful and carefree; but this cousin to Jack Tanningrove is quick to anger if she suspects you of disrespecting the Tanningrove name. Bold and hot-blooded, it doesn't take much to convince her to enter into a brawl to defend her house.

Emily Wirthwein :  Sylvia Forel – Sword Mistress

As lethal as she is lovely, this German Master Swordswoman is renowned throughout Europe. If you are lucky enough to have her in your employ, you can expect her complete loyalty and services as a sellsword – as long as you aren't outbid by a wealthier party.  [Oh good, the German mercenaries are back.]

Mel Angelo :  Mary McBride – Dance Mistress of the Shire

Best friend to Rose Hopfield, this dancing mistress makes a loyal, dependable, and energetic companion. Shire folk beware: don't call her a coward or insult the Hopfields, else you might find yourself face to face with the pointy end of her sword.

Ilana Lo :  Fan Liu – Pirate

Running away from home at the age of thirteen, Fan Liu spent her formative years as a member of pirate crews in many different countries. Because of these varied experiences and her own innate charm, Fan Liu is a brilliant negotiator, easily able to talk people into doing just about anything she asks. And if they make the mistake of not doing as she asks, they will soon face her steel.

Leigh Loureiro :  Bonnie Buchanna – Pirate

A formidable opponent who can fight, curse, and drink just as well if not better than her male counterparts. Nicknamed ‘Bloody Bonnie’ for her reputation of leaving no survivors, many would be surprised to learn that she secretly has a soft spot for soft and cuddly critters. But,please, don't tell her we told you!

Amanda Darrigo :  Mistress Quickley – Tavern Keeper

Thrilled at finally fulfilling her dream of opening her own tavern, this little lady isn’t shy about inviting people in or delegating responsibilities to her subordinates. In fact, she loves being a boss so much she might try to hire you to manage the day-to-day operations so she can focus on big-picture items: like how to spend her hard earned ducats.

Sean Besecker :  Captain James Thatch – Captain of The Queen's Vengeance

Thatch grew up on pirate ships watching and learning from the best sea-robbers in the business, so it is no surprise that he is one of the most ruthless and cutthroat pirates to sail the seven seas. While polite society would consider him uncivilized, he does live his life adhering closely to a very important set of rules: the Piratical Code.  [pyrate ship count: 1]

Matthew Glen Clark :  Bartholomew Wainwright – Yeoman

Dark and brooding, the mysterious Bartholomew Wainwright is often mistaken as cynical when a better term for him would be logical. He makes decisions using his brain and not his heard – the same cannot be said for some of his fellow Yeoman.

Austin James :  Edward Mawson – First Mate

With knowledge of the civilized world, Edward Mawson, sometimes referred to as Maw, is the perfect First Mate to his unruly Captain. He is easily able to represent the Captain at important affairs and likes to mingle with the upper crust of society. In fact, he likes it so much that he dreams of bettering his own position so that he might one day join them.

Music

The Sirens

Sarah Bartley :  Captain Sheena Daley O'Connell – Captain of The Unyeilding Tempest

The Leader. She is bold, brave, fearless and knows the world of piracy like the back of her well-worn hands. Sheena actively attempts to keep the peace in ORC but enjoys looting and pillaging as much as her fellow captains. Her deeds are heroic, but often tall in nature! Ask her to tell you all about when she saved her entire crew with a single plank of wood. She will regale you.  [pyrate ship count: 2]

Leigh Anne Hamlin :  Captain Scarlett Seymour – Captain of The Shadow of Prophecy

The Joker. She is laid back, extremely confident but relentlessly lazy. Scarlett always cracks jokes and makes light of difficult situations. She has been a pirate all her life and she is damn good at it! She is fond of long naps, drinking and gambling. Whats her secret? Good luck and tons of it!  [Four things.  First, pyrate ship count: 3.  Second, presuming she named he ship herself, I guarantee that this character is queer, because that’s the most Extra ship name ever, and only us queer folk are that overdramatic.  Three, prophesy? seymour? see-more? r u kidding me?  Four: if you go look at her headshot, this actor bears an uncanny resemblance to Vanessa Sterling.]

Megan Jones :  Captain Ruth "The Blade" Gibson – Captain of The Jolly Walrus

The Wild Card. She is tough, blunt, and has a wee bit of a rage problem. Although she loves piracy and has the scars to prove it, she melts at the sight of children and cuddly animals, who have the ability to soften her strong demeanor. Do not dare question her about the name of her ship! Shes sensitive about it.  [Oh hell yeah, Megan Jones is a pyrate! I am very pleased about this.  Also, pyrate ship count: 4.]

Sarah Williams :  Captain Elanor Keetly – Captain of The Malevolence

The newly appointed Captain of The Malevolence. The innocent. She has inherited her newfound position of Captain after all the members of her crew mysteriously perished in a tragic maritime accident. She has a thirst for knowledge and craves to be the very best in her new career! Elanor is extremely enthusiastic, but a bit frightened of the weight of her new position. She has a malicious alter ego named Cookie.  [Well, that certainly took at turn at the last line!  Pyrate ship count: 5, and whomever named this vessel was definitely queer, too.]

The Irish Revels

Autumn Sheffy :  Siobhán O'Sullivan – Royal Music Tutor

Having left the rest of her family behind to seek her fortune, this maestro has ascended to the ranks of the English court! Surely she wouldn't lord this success over the rest of her siblings...

Jordan Bell :  Gilda O'Sullivan – Musician

Gilda is an optimistic and charismatic leader. She hasn't the time for negativity or ill will amongst her siblings, so she simply pushes through it with a bright smile. She is a perfectionist and an overachiever. She adores music and her siblings, despite their failings, and will do anything to make sure the festival day goes off without a hitch. She has the color-coded scrolls to prove it! because what are we, animals?

Morgan Harwood :  Alannah O'Sullivan – Musician

Alannah is kind, carefree, and a bit odd. She is the youngest of the quintuplets and the most connected to the universe. She has the ability to see magic creatures and is often overtaken by her imagination. Her magic touch can calm her siblings when the time arises. The music she performs grounds her back in reality. She doesn’t walk, she floats.  [Whelp, this character obviously has a connection to the fae, so she’s definitely Autistic.]

Jared Haverdink :  Keagan O'Sullivan – Musician

Keagan is a realist, has an excellent sense of humor, and is endlessly sarcastic. He has a bit of the ol’ Irish temper that is easily set off by small things. The most talented musically of the O’Sullivan siblings, he was always very skilled, but has recently improved dramatically, almost overnight. His siblings are suspicious he has made a deal with a sea witch for his newfound shredding skills.  [I’m so glad that last sentence exists.]

Joey Mudd :  Deklyn O'Sullivan – Musician

Deklyn, like his sister Gilda, is a very friendly and charismatic young musician. He is full of life, energy, joy and is extremely earnest. However, he does tend to worry, and his imagination takes hold, extrapolating the smallest misstep that could lead to the doom of his family. Frequently stares into the middle distance, right between the crucial and the trivial, between existential dread and I’ll take the dressing on the side.  [The Millennial™]

The Rakish Rogues

Christopher Burch :  Sterling Armstrong – Highwayman, Leader of Group

The leader of this merry band of misfits. He is bold, ambitious, but a tad arrogant. Sterling fancies himself as a ladies’ man, but when approached by a woman, he can’t always follow through. His leadership style is that of blind intuition. His British dialect is very put-on and manly, but he often slips into Cockney, his real voice, when angered. Sterling doesn't walk, he glides. Is that his real name or did he make it up?  [FUCK YEAH THEY DID THE THING THEY PUT HIM ON THE MUSIC TRACK YESSSSSS!]

Chase Brackett :  Tucker Abbot – Highwayman, Sterling's Protégé

A former homeless orphan who was adopted by Sterling Armstrong as his younger brother and protégé . He absolutely worships the ground his brother walks on. Tucker is very bright, optimistic, and somewhat naïve. He is completely unaware when he says filthy and inappropriate things. Sterling said it so it must be fine! He loves the life of crime, but mostly he just wants to find a beautiful lady and sing songs to her pretty face forever.  [This character description has newsie energy.]

Pete Hedberg :  Jeremiah Slight – Highwayman, Sterling's Right-Hand Man

He is the muscle of the group, but secretly the brains. Jeremiah is the only person keeping this group afloat, but he would rather stick to the shadows than be in the limelight. He is excellent at thievery and a master of disguise. If you get close enough to find out how many accents he can do, you may not live to tell the tale!  [*laughs in a decade of faire accents*]  [also slight is the right hand man? slight of hand? fuck you.]

Ian Agnew :  William "Bill" Crimson – Highwayman, former Benadictine Monk

A former Benedictine monk who was living a pious life in an abbey. He one day was hit in the head with a bible, decided to leave the cloth and turn to a more exciting life of crime. He adores his new lifestyle and lives it with absolutely no restraint or regret. Bill has a newfound love of drinking, women, and gambling. He may have a few loose screws, but he’s never been happier.  [So there’s a good bit to unpack there.  Kind of like a reverse Cadfael.]

Improv

Sheila Barton :  Lady Delores Anne Penburthy – Lady Mayor of Mount Hope

Effervescent and vivacious, the Lady Mayor is sure to give Queen Elizabeth I the warm and generous welcome deserving a ruler of England. Having earned the love of the townspeople, the Lady Mayor could teach the young Queen a thing or two about earning the trust and loyalty of her people.

Adam Shepley :  William Cecil – Advisor to the Queen

Her Majesty’s most stalwart advisor, and head of her privy council. Usually the smartest man in the room, and well aware of it, Cecil knows Elizabeth will be a good queen. Honestly after her sister Mary, things can only go up.

Joe Penn :  Jacob Perry – Sheriff of Mount Hope

He loves putting away bad guys and solving mysteries. The only mystery he cant solve: how to grow up.  [Oh. Hell. Yeah.]

Jonathan Handley :  Sir William Pickering – Nobleman

Well educated, well bred, well connected. William Pickering has studied at the best schools, spent time among the French court, and is a good friend of Queen Elizabeth; but surely he would never let those things go to his head. He is still a man of the people, with his finger on the gilded pulse of the court.

Rob Condas :  William Shakespeare – Apprentice Glover

Everyone needs gloves, and serving all levels of society has made young Bill a keen observer of the human condition. He has heard many stories, and feels that he has many stories to tell. He’d like to try his hand at playwrighting – maybe he can wrangle up some actors to try out a new play or two.  [This is absolutely genius, because if we remain in the same universe for a couple years, we’ll get to see his transition to fully-fledged playwright!]

Adam Kampouris :  Christopher "Kit" Marlowe – Playwright

Full of charm and swagger, this playwright can woo a hundred paramours without running out of pickup lines; finish several thousand tankards of ale without retiring for bed; and accomplish almost any task without exerting too much effort; but he cannot seem to finish a play. He is hoping Mount Hope Shire will provide him the inspiration he needs to pen his next masterpiece.

Kelsey Jefferies :  Gretchen Froman – Heir to the Sausage Throne

Her parents have newly acquired a fortune from their successful Sausage empire, and they like to flaunt it! Fortunately for them, their daughter is responsible enough for both of them and makes sure they don’t blow it all in a single shopping trip. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy some of the perks – just that she is the only one of the three with some class about it.  [For context, see the Blackfryars’ descriptions.]

Noelani Stevenson :  Eskarina Nutter – Wise Woman

This cunning woman knows that there are things in this world that cannot be explained, and their solutions must be equally inexplicable. A mistress of folk medicine, herbal lore, and charms, she will heal you up quick or dispel the evil eye. Just remember that what she can cure, she can just as easily give back if you cross her.  [hell yeah my pagan girl!  Also if you look at her headshot, her design is literally Sabrina but a little paler and with blond hair, which is most amusing to me.]   [but like,,, why is her last name nutter.]

Kira Gaudynski :  Stella Hopfield – Bottler

Wife of John Hopfield. Though her title is Bottler, she does so much more – marketing, distribution, HR, pretty much everything that isn’t the actual brewing of the beer...and girl, is she good at it! She thrives under pressure, and fortunately for her, there is always pressure abounding.

Ryan Perry :  John Hopfield – Brew Master

Patriarch of the Hopfield family. His brews are best. His ales are awesome. His stouts are stellar. His lagers are...really good too. Hes proud of the name he has made for his family, and knows that beer is the true heart of Mount Hope.

Katelyn Shreiner :  Sherry Tanningrove – Mistress of the Cellars

Sister of Horice Tanningrove and his partner in the winery. Her mind is like the aging process of wine: calculating, patient, and meticulous. She has an eye for detail and rarely jumps to conclusions. She knows that trends come and go, but wine will be forever.

Michael Stahler :  Horace Tanningrove – Vinter

Patriarch of the Tanningrove Family. Wine is what put the shire of Mount Hope on the map, and Horace is proud of that family tradition. He knows Queen Elizabeth will have a more refined palate than her late father and sister, and will help bring Mount Hope’s wines back to the top no matter what those uppity Hopfields say.  [yeah okay so there’s definitely a family rivalry here]

Alright, You Stumped Me

Katie Burch :  Theresa Ratchet – Rat Catcher

Sickness has begun blanketing the world. Some people blame it on bad smells, some people believe it to be God’s wrath due to the sinful ways of today’s culture. Theresa, however, believes it to be because of the rats. She can’t prove it, and no one else believes her, but she will do whatever it takes to rid Mount Hope of these verminous infestations and save the populous in the process.  [Heck yeah, my science-based girl, go get it!]

George Hamilton :  Douglas Johnson – Master Thief

He’s been arrested so many times by Sheriff Perry, they know practically everything about each other. One might even suspect they’ve become friends, but Douglas Johnson would never take advantage of his friendship....in any way that would be obvious to Sheriff Jacob.  [I’m always a slut for this sort of dynamic!]

Shannon Holder :  Rose Hopfield – Brew Master's Daughter

Impulsive, independent, and passionate, this young woman is exploring the world on her own and beginning to see things in a new light, not solely from the perspective of her brewmaster father. By the end of the festival day, she may even sip her first glass of wine!

Jesse Kortus :  Jack Tanningrove – Vinter's Son

Idealistic, intelligent, and inquisitive, this young man is coming into his own and beginning to question the things he has grown up with as facts. For example: contrary to his father’s opinion, there seem to be a great deal of people upon the shire who prefer beer to wine. He intends to spend the day finding out just why that is.  [....oh great we’re gonna have friggin’ het star-crossed lovers up in here, aren’t we.]

John Surgener :  Charles Kent – Yeoman

Fiercely loyal to the Queen, Charles Kent is every bit the ideal hero. With a strong moral compass and an idyllic spirit, Kent is fast, powerful, and has quickly leapt to the top of the list of the Queens favorite Yeomen.

Haley Ward :  Amy Cooper – Cooper

Who would have thought a business person could suffer from TOO MUCH demand? With the ongoing conflict between the Tanningroves and the Hopfields, Amy has been profiting, but at the cost of much sleep. Maybe today she’ll finally be able to enjoy a day off.  [*sleep-deprived fistbump*]

My Reasoning

A section I include purely because I don’t like feeling stupid: therefore when I’m wrong, I prefer people to at least see the logic I followed to arrive at my conclusion.

Leads

Robert Dudley and Henry Carry are both mentioned by name in the scenario, so they’re obviously leads, and Queen Elizabeth is sort of, well, Queen Elizabeth.

Combat

Bev Tanningrove – Tanningrove Family Muscle: character description puts her pretty firmly in the combat territory; Sunny Vinsavich’s resume backs this up with necessary training/abilities.

Sylvia Forel – Sword Mistress: character description puts her pretty firmly in the combat territory; Emily Wirthwein’s resume backs this up with necessary training/abilities.

Mary McBride – Dance Mistress of the Shire: character description puts her pretty firmly in the combat territory; Mel Angelo’s resume seems to back this up with necessary training/abilities.

Fan Liu – Pirate: character description indicates combat as a definite possibility; Ilana Lo‘s resume backs this up with SO MUCH necessary training/abilities; character seems to fit better into the pattern of the combat track than the pattern of the improv track.

Bonnie Buchanna – Pirate: character description indicates combat as a definite possibility; Leigh Loureiro‘s resume indicates potential necessary physicality; character seems to fit better into the pattern of the combat track than the pattern of the improv track

Mistress Quickley – Tavern Keeper: can’t freaking find a resume for Amanda Darrigo, but in my PARF experience, tavern-keepers tend to be involved in brawls and melees, thus indicating combat track.

Captain James Thatch – Captain of The Queen's Vengeance: character description indicates combat as a definite option; can’t find a resume for Sean Besecker, but did find a facebook post mentioning his participation in leading a stage-combat workshop alongside Sam Little, thus implying the necessary training/abilities; character seems to fit better into the pattern of the combat track than the pattern of the improv track.

Bartholomew Wainwright – Yeoman: though character description does not necessarily indicate active combat role, one would imagine a yoeman to be involved in combat, and I know past casts have included combat-track yeomen; Matthew Glen Clark‘s resume backs this up with necessary training and physicality.

Edward Mawson – First Mate: character description does not necessarily indicate active combat role, and I was completely unable to find any sort of resume for Austin James, but the character seems to fit into the pattern of the combat track well enough, so it’s my best guess.

Music (hardly challenging, as I mentioned, yet shall display my reasoning anyway)

Captain Sheena Daley O'Connell – Captain of The Unyeilding Tempest: woman pyrate whose character description matches the format of the other Sirens’.

Captain Scarlett Seymour – Captain of The Shadow of Prophecy: woman pyrate whose character description matches the format of the other Sirens’.

Captain Ruth "The Blade" Gibson – Captain of The Jolly Walrus: woman pyrate whose character description matches the format of the other Sirens’, plus we already know Megan Jones is music-track certified, so to speak.

Captain Elanor Keetly – Captain of The Malevolence: woman pyrate whose character description matches the format of the other Sirens’, plus we already know Sarah Williams is both music-track certified and Siren certified.

Siobhán O'Sullivan – Royal Music Tutor: surname matches that of the four Irish characters listed as “musician”.

Gilda O'Sullivan – Musician: surname matches that of the other Irish characters listed as “musician” or similar; Jordan Bell is already both music-track certified and Revel certified.

Alannah O'Sullivan – Musician: surname matches that of the other Irish characters listed as “musician” or similar; Morgan Harwood is already music-track certified.

Keagan O'Sullivan – Musician: surname matches that of the other Irish characters listed as “musician” or similar; Jared Haverdink is already music-track certified.

Deklyn O'Sullivan – Musician: surname matches that of the other Irish characters listed as “musician” or similar.

Sterling Armstrong – Highwayman, Leader of Group: highwayman; we already knew Christoper Burch is music-track capable.

Tucker Abbot – Highwayman, Sterling's Protégé: highwayman; singing is specifically mentioned in description.

Jeremiah Slight – Highwayman, Sterling's Right-Hand Man: highwayman; we already knew Pete Hedberg is very very music-track certified and Rogue certified.

William "Bill" Crimson – Highwayman, former Benadictine Monk: highwayman; we already knew Ian Agnew is both music-track certified and Rogue certified.

Improv

Lady Delores Anne Penburthy – Lady Mayor of Mount Hope: Duh.

William Cecil – Advisor to the Queen: Adam Shepley is historically improv track.

Jacob Perry – Sheriff of Mount Hope: Joe Penn is historically improv track.

Sir William Pickering – Nobleman: Jonathan Handley is historically improv track.

William Shakespeare – Apprentice Glover: character description gives no indication of combat; Rob Condas‘s website extols his improv ability and love of the same.

Christopher "Kit" Marlowe – Playwright: if Shakespeare be improv track, it follows that Marlowe is, too; character description gives no indication of combat.

Gretchen Froman – Heir to the Sausage Throne: one parent is a Blackfryar and the other an improv director, so the statistical likelihood lies with improv;  character description gives no indication of combat.

Eskarina Nutter – Wise Woman: character description gives no indication of combat; it makes more sense for a healer-witch-type character to not be combat-focused anyway (though that would make for a really cool character); I could not find any resume for Noelani Stevenson to verify anything one way or another, but I’m relatively confident in my verdict nonetheless.

Stella Hopfield – Bottler: character description gives no indication of combat; Kira Gaudynski’ resume seems to indicate greater improv strength than combat strength.

John Hopfield – Brew Master: character description gives no indication of combat; if the Hopfield matriarch indeed be on improv, it seems to heighten the likelyhood of the Hopfield patriarch being on the same; could not find Ryan Perry’s resume to check training/abilities one way or another.

Sherry Tanningrove – Mistress of the Cellars: character description gives no indication of combat; Katelyn Shreiner‘s resume seems to indicate stronger improv skills than combat skills; following my previous path of reason, if the head Hopfields be on the improv track, likely the head Tanningroves will, too.

Horace Tanningrove – Vinter: character description gives no indication of combat; Michael Stahler‘s resume seems to indicate average stage-combat abilities; once more following my path of reasoning through to the logical conclusion, this other head Tanningrove will likely be on the improv track.

Alright, you stumped me

Theresa Ratchet – Rat Catcher: while Katie Burch has historically been combat-track, the character description gives no indication of combat; moreover, her participation in Theatre in the Mansion indicates to me that she has the necessary abilities for the improv track; neither her website nor twitter reveals anything one way or another; finally, I have a unproven gut instinct that one is more likely to remain on cast more years running if one switches tracks.  Verdict? could go either way.

Douglas Johnson – Master Thief: George Hamilton has been on both the music track and the combat track (though music is here ruled out), and his participation in Theatre in the Mansion indicates to me that he has the necessary abilities for the improv track; thieves of various sorts are often on the combat track, but it seems his main acting partner this year is on improv; I cannot find a website for further information, and his social media reveals nothing.  Verdict? six of one, half-a-dozen of the other.

Rose Hopfield – Brewmaster's Daughter: character description indicates a divergence from her parents’ worldview, so while I have her parents under improv, it would make some degree of sense for her to be on a different track; only some degree, though, and character description does not indicate combat; Shannon Holder‘s resume seems to indicate possibility in either track.  Verdict? honestly probably improv but there is wiggle-room.

Jack Tanningrove – Vinter's Son: character description indicates a divergence from his parents’ worldview, so while I have his parents under improv, it would make some degree of sense for him to be on a different track; only some degree, though, and character description does not indicate combat; I could not find a resume for Jesse Kortus to check training/abilities either way.  Verdict? yeah prolly improv but who knows.

Charles Kent – Yeoman: though character description does not necessarily indicate active combat role, one would imagine a yoeman to be involved in combat, and I know past casts have included combat-track yeomen; however, John Surgener’s resume seems to me to lean more toward improv than combat, though he has some degree of experience in both.  Verdict? heck if I know.

Amy Cooper – Cooper: character description does not indicate combat; Haley Ward’s resume indicates the necessary training/ability for combat; the character description gives me improv-track vibes somehow.  Verdict? yeah at this point your guess is as good as mine.

Phew!  That’s more than long enough for one day, so the Blackfryars shall get their own post on the morrow (maybe this evening if I’m responsible... haha...).

To the newcomers, welcome!  To those returning, welcome back!

[lamujerarana]

How likely do you think it is that Marvel will ever confirm in a book that Johnny is bi? They seem to have ignored Marjorie Liu's confirmation on twitter. Maybe if we tweet Chip Zdarsky, he might make it official in Marvel Two-in-One.

I waffle back and forth on this. The Fantastic Four are very unpopular right now! They’re not currently one of Disney/Marvel’s most highly prized properties, and Disney/Marvel doesn’t seem to care all that much about what happens to them. I could see a writer like Chip being able to take advantage of that general indifference/the fact that no one’s paying attention to make Johnny on-panel m-spec. Were the FF wildly popular like, say, Spider-Man or the Avengers, I’d think the likelihood was pretty slim, especially in the films -- Disney/Marvel wouldn’t want to risk their international or domestic markets. On the other hand, Disney/Marvel’s also in the middle of a campaign to ignore the FF and make them as unpopular as humanly possible, so. Disney/Marvel announcing he’s bi/otherwise m-spec would likely lead to a controversy + media blitz + higher profile for Johnny and probably the FF by extension, which is what happened with Diana over at DC. I suspect Disney/Marvel the company does not want that to happen because they want to lower the value of the FF property and make it easier/cheaper to buy it back from Fox. That being said, they did announce that Bobby Drake was gay in the comics even though Fox still owns the film rights, so. Meh. Maybe I’m wrong. (I think the X-Men situation -- with a more popular film franchise -- is a little different than the FF’s, though, because Disney/Marvel has a better chance of buying the latter back since the FF aren’t financially a success for Fox. Whereas with the X-Men, the best they can hope for is capitalizing off of the films’ success via the comics.) Regardless, I think it really all boils down, for Disney/Marvel, to what is marketable and when the best/most strategic moment to capitalize off of it is for them.

I do, however, know that Chip loves Spideytorch (his run on Peter Parker: Spectacular Spider-Man makes that very obvious, he’s at least referenced it on Twitter, and I know that people have asked him about it at cons and he’s been very enthusiastic), and he likes JohnnyDaken. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen his Secret Wars #1 Variant Cover, but:

He included Johnny and Daken, and Johnny is definitely making heart-eyes at Daken. I think he has the leeway to sneak hints like this in, which he’s been doing in PPSM (Peter tells Johnny “love ya,” Johnny calls their movie date a date, Peter says he loves it when Johnny does what he says), but how obvious he’s going to be allowed to make Johnny’s queerness is anyone’s guess.

So I think Chip as a writer would be 100% down for making Johnny on-panel canon bi/m-spec. But his power is limited. It all depends on what the Disney/Marvel editorial/executive board will allow him to do with their character. I mean, I genuinely trust Chip with Johnny and Ben -- it seems like he’s a big fan of both of them but especially Johnny and knows his FF canon. But. What will the execs allow him to get away with? How does the battle between Disney/Marvel and Fox for film rights to the FF factor into the likelihood that this is ever going to happen in the comics? I think it will happen someday. I just don’t know long it will take.

(I just want it to be canon that Johnny is hopelessly in love with Peter, who is, in typical Peter fashion, totally oblivious to this fact, and that he has been for years.)

P.S. I just wrote a post talking about the queer-coding of Johnny’s character in the comics that’ll be up on the FyeahFF blog later today, if that interests you!

[language-escapes]

*cracks knuckles* Okay, so we’re doing this.

Let’s talk about Sherlock North.

Sherlock North is a new Holmesian adaptation that was announced yesterday.  It is described as a contemporary crime fiction series, taking place in Finland during Holmes’ Hiatus.  While on the run, he ends up solving some cases in a small town with the help of someone named Johanna Watson.

In the space of twenty-four hours, the tag is FULL of people saying it’s going to be awful, that it’s homophobic and engaging in ‘het-swapping’, that Watson being a woman is boring and overdone, etcetera etcetera.  The entire tag is full of this.  Twenty-four hours old, not even close to being filmed or produced, and the tag is full of people decrying it as bad.

I mean, we know NOTHING about this adaptation.  There’s a Holmes, there’s a Watson, takes place during the Hiatus, that’s it. Boom.  What the hell is there to hate yet?

Those of us who are veteran Elementary fans are familiar with this, of course.  We’ve lived through this before, and still live through it because people continually fail to understand that if you’re ragging on something, you should avoid landing it in the tag.  But let’s go ahead and address some of the things people are saying about Sherlock North.  Let’s take a look at the claims and see if they hold any water.

Because Watson is a woman, it means that Holmes/Watson won’t be a homosexual pairing; that’s homophobic.

Come here.  Sit down.  I’m going to hold your hand through this, because this is going to hurt.

Holmes and Watson aren’t a canon gay pairing.

I wanted to say it quickly, like ripping a bandaid off.  It’s going to hurt, it’s going to sting, but it also needed to be done.  The truth of the matter is that Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, in the original canon, aren’t a homosexual pairing.  Now, we can certainly talk about how we interpret the text (I am a lifelong Holmes/Watson shipper; I will go down with that ship), and subtext, and coding, and all of these things, but the fact of the matter is that, in canon, Holmes and Watson are never actually written as romantically together.  Again, in terms of subtext and the way we interpret it?  Absolutely, it is easy to see them as being in love and so married and all.  But it isn’t canon.  It’s all interpretation.

What this means is that making Watson a woman is not, in itself, homophobic.  They are not ‘het-swapping’ because neither character was written as explicitly gay.  It’s just not possible.  No one is removing a real homosexual relationship from the story.

I know, it fucking sucks that it’s 2017 and we’ve never had a mainstream media Holmesian production with an explicitly queer Holmes or Watson, LET ALONE an explicitly queer Holmes and Watson that are in a relationship together.  I know that a lot of the people in the Sherlock North tag right now are angry, betrayed, bitter BBClock fans who thought that their show would make the subtext text, only to find that that didn’t happen.  And it sucks, I get that.  But that doesn’t make a totally different show homophobic.  And being hurt doesn’t excuse lashing out at a show and making unfounded accusations when, again, it was literally announced twenty-four hours ago and we know nothing about it.

If this is your argument against Sherlock North, how about you go watch some adaptations with queer characters?  How about The Adventures of Jamie Watson (and Sherlock Holmes), which is on youtube?  In that show Watson is bi, and Holmes is ace, and a number of the supporting cast also have LGBTQ identities.  Or S-her-lock, which can also be found on youtube.  Watson is trans and Holmes is an aro-ace.  I can recommend both of those adaptations wholeheartedly.

Watson as a woman is boring; a woman as the sidekick and help-meet, how original.

That’s primarily a matter of opinion, and you’re welcome to it, but I have to say, I’m offended on canon Watson’s behalf.  That’s all you think Watson is?  A sidekick? A help-meet?  I know Holmes calls him that in canon, but it’s also Holmes who claims that all emotion is useless and then tries not to cry when Watson gets shot.  I wouldn’t think of him as a reliable narrator, is all I’m saying.

And Watson as a sidekick is… I mean, I guess technically Watson COULD fit into that role, but that rather diminishes what a good Watson is.  A good Watson is brave, and loyal, and stubborn, prone to a temper at times, clever, a full partner in the investigations, compassionate and insightful, generous, self-sacrificing… what I’m saying here is, if you read the canon and just saw Watson as a sidekick, I suggest you go read it again.  And bring along the lenses that help you interpret the text as queer, because those lenses will definitely help you remember that narrators are often unreliable.

Watson as a woman is overdone.

Let’s see, in terms of mainstream media adaptations, I know of FIVE where Watson is a woman while Holmes is a man.  FIVE. They are:

They Might Be Giants (1971), with Joanne Woodward playing Mildred Watson; The Return of the World’s Greatest Detective (1976), with Jenny O’Hara playing Joan ‘Doc’ Watson; The Return of Sherlock Holmes (1986), with Margaret Colin playing Jane Watson; 1994 Baker Street (1993), with Debrah Farentino playing Amy Winslow; and Elementary (2012-), with Lucy Liu playing Joan Watson.

Five women Watsons. If we expanded the selection to include women Watsons against women Holmeses in mainstream media… we have six. That sixth one is Russian, btw. Not sure how mainstream it actually is, given that it doesn’t even have a Western world release.

If that’s your idea of overdone, I hate to break it to you about men Watsons and men Holmeses…

They only ever make Watson a woman so that Holmes and Watson can be in a romantic relationship together without having to incorporate a gay romance- THAT’S homophobic!

See point one regarding the homophobia.

But in the adaptations where Watson is a woman, IS there always a romantic relationship between Holmes and Watson?  Is this actually a thing?  This is a rhetorical question, I know the answer- no, they’re not always a romantic item when Watson is a woman.  In the most popular of the five adaptations above, They Might Be Giants, yes, Watson and Holmes are in a romantic relationship by the end.  The film is a cult classic, so I can see why it has imprinted on everyone’s mind, and why the heterosexual-appearing (bisexuality is a thing! As is pansexuality! As is asexuality! Not all of these are visible from the outside!) relationship between a woman Watson and man Holmes is something everyone remembers.

But in the other four? One can maybe argue sexual chemistry in some of them (it would take some arguing, though; it’s more subtext than text), but there is no actual romantic relationship between Holmes and Watson.  So if the creators of these productions made Watson a woman in order to have a romantic relationship with Holmes without queerness, they did a horrible job of it, because they forgot to actually include the romantic relationship.

(Fuck, those of us who watch Elementary just want Holmes and Watson to fucking HUG.)

Making Watson a woman isn’t progressive, it’s regressive; even if you get rid of the romantic relationship stuff, they often remove Watson’s key characteristics, like Watson being a doctor, or Watson being in the military.

Every single woman Watson is a doctor of some form.  Some of them aren’t practicing doctors, it’s true; neither was canon Watson when we first meet him, and in the stories he doesn’t actually start practicing medicine again until after he marries Mary Morstan, which happened in ~1887/1888 (don’t get any Holmesian started about dates…).  1888 was a full seven years after he met Holmes.  So even canon Watson, while having a medical degree, was not a doctor when we first meet him.

As for the military stuff… look.  In the first place, in the US military, women couldn’t serve in combat until 2013.  For the UK, restrictions on women in combat weren’t lifted until 2016 (though they could serve as combat medics and join other, technically non-combat groups).  But in the second place, and more importantly, our canon Watson served in the imperialist, colonialist British military in the Victorian era, a deeply awful time when the military engaged in genocides.  England is somewhat ashamed of that heritage, at least on some level (not on enough levels, of course, and not enough to get them to knock it off even now, but that’s neither here nor there).  Why the fuck would we want Watson serving an imperialistic goal, especially if a show doesn’t have the time or resources or, hell, interest to unpack what all of that means?  Very few shows can engage well in the complexities of military service, even ones ostensibly centered around them (*squints at NCIS*).  Frankly, I’d rather my Watson not serve in the military this time around if it means not having to deal with showrunners struggling and failing to make sense of the military mindset.

(ETA: Winslow was with the Red Cross during the Panama invasion. Thanks @sanguinarysanguinity!)

(Disclaimer: my entire family is military; believe me when I say this shit is complex, and needs a lot of energy devoted to it to do it right.)

The name fucking sucks.

Well.  I won’t argue with you there.

(Anybody know if this is just a translation of what the name is???  Because then I understand why it’s so bad.  Is it just a working title?)

The sum up

Take a look at all of those complaints I listed.  These are the complaints I saw over and over and over again when I went through the Sherlock North tag today.  Are you sensing a theme here?  Is there something in common with all of these arguments?

I want an explicitly queer Holmesian adaptation as much as the next H/W shipper.  I dream of it.  If someone gave me money to make my own adaptation, hells to the yeah would make them queer and in love.

But that doesn’t actually seem to be anyone’s main problem, to be honest.  The main problem people seem to have is that Watson is a woman.  

Someone can argue till they’re blue in the fact that the reason they’re upset about a woman Watson is because they want a gay Holmes and Watson relationship, but the fact of the matter is, we don’t have that relationship in any media, at all, and yet people still watch that media anyway.  And you can certainly be sad about the potential for a gay relationship being gone.  I do get that, and respect that.  

(Sidebar: in the world of things I find hilarious is the fact that, in this adaptation, Holmes and Watson COULD BE a gay couple!  They could be happily married!  Because John Watson could be back in London, sad because his husband was killed by Moriarty because THIS TAKES PLACE DURING THE HIATUS. Johanna might be a totally separate character!  Or Johanna IS our Watson, and Holmes didn’t know Watson before the Hiatus in this adaptation.  You know why that’s a possibility?  BECAUSE WE KNOW EXACTLY THREE THINGS ABOUT THIS ADAPTATION.)

But the hate?  That’s some bullshit right there.

If your issue is that Sherlock North is yet another adaptation where Holmes and Watson won’t be a gay couple, I do understand that disappointment. I would also like to point out that just because Holmes and Watson won’t be a gay couple in Sherlock North doesn’t preclude queerness, so you will want to rephrase that argument.  Watson could be a lesbian.  Holmes could be ace.  One or both could be bisexual.  Remember that queerness is this whole big range of things.  We don’t know enough about this production yet to say one way or another.  Just remember that two white dudes touching isn’t the only way to be queer, and that disappointment over the lack of white dudes touching shouldn’t lead to woman-bashing.

And if a woman Watson is your issue you don’t need to worry.  There are literally hundreds of other mainstream media adaptations with man Watsons.  In some of them, there are barely any women at all!  You can avoid women to your heart’s content.

Ultimately, most of the arguments against Sherlock North are just ridiculous.  It may suck.  It may be brilliant.  But it doesn’t have a cast, or a production crew, or any fucking funding yet, so we literally know not a single thing other than a general, broad concept.  So take a deep breath and step back.  Go hate women elsewhere.

(You know what I would like to see?  Some of this same outrage if Sherlock North ends up being a predominately white cast.  But if it has a white cast, suddenly we’ll hear all about how Scandanavia is just so white, it only makes sense for the cast to be white… and if folks got upset about race problems, they’d need to examine their own favourite Holmesian adaptations more critically, and we all know that ain’t gonna happen.  *sips tea*)