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michanvalentine · 4 months ago

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I was mentioned in a pro-Ascendant Astarion post with this quote: "Astarion does not have a well-developed sense of self, and by default, he also lacks many of the skills that a well-adjusted adult should possess." This is the post it’s taken from: click me!

No problem at all—it's public, and I don’t see why anyone shouldn’t reference it. Naturally, the post was in opposition to that statement—generally speaking, I mean—but that’s fine too. Everyone has their own opinion and is free to express it. That’s not the point of my upcoming ramble! xD

It’s just that rereading my own words got me thinking more deeply about the topic and made me want to explore it further.

Now, I’m not a psychologist, but I did study psychology. I took several exams at university and I actually did pretty well, lol. I didn’t complete my studies because life took me elsewhere—most importantly, my daughter was born—but the general knowledge I gained from psychology still follows me in everything I do every day.

So it’s second nature for me to analyze characters from the media I consume through that lens—Astarion included. Of course, this is just my perspective; I can’t say for certain whether the developers intended this for his character or whether they did specific research into his psychological development.

That said, today I feel like going off on a little tangent about this beautiful science. Still in reference to that heart-stealing vampire spawn that I’m aaaaabsolutely not obsessed with.

Let me also add a disclaimer. The concepts mentioned are just examples and cannot be applied literally, as every person is different and reacts differently to situations and stimuli. Likewise, the brain is plastic—neural connections change and adapt, and there is almost never a fixed or definitive condition. Above all, I’m not making any kind of diagnosis! That’s not within my competence! Keep these ideas well in mind!

So, why do I say that Astarion doesn’t have a well-developed sense of self? Let’s take it step by step and talk a little about the concept of the "self". I'm copy-pasting something from another post, lol. Rewriting it from scratch is too much work! xP

The self is quite a complex concept with many facets. Briefly put, it’s shaped by various internal and external factors and reflects a conscious image of "me." In psychology, it’s key to building the Ego of an individual—the capacity to act, understand, organize, and interpret experiences. The Ego provides a sense of uniqueness, coherence, and personal continuity since the self encompasses many "faces." All this forms the personality of an individual, which naturally develops (and changes) throughout life.

Particular attention in the formation of the self is given to sensitive periods, such as early childhood. The self determines the level of self-esteem based on an individual’s assessment of their worth and competence in the characteristics they attribute to themselves (Real Self), their future aspirations (Ideal Self), and what they want to avoid (Feared Selves). The greater the discrepancy between these aspects, the lower the level of self-esteem. Social support and approval, as well as competence in domains deemed important to the self, obviously contribute to perceiving oneself as a person of value.

Astarion, as we know, has had his sense of self fundamentally undermined. For him, the world is divided between those who have power and those who don’t, with the former always being the "winners" in his eyes. The magistrate he once was is long dead, along with his moral compass and the life he used to live—especially after 200 years of servitude to Cazador.

As vampire spawn, akin to a newborn in some respects, Astarion learned to exist solely within Cazador’s world, revolving around Cazador, for Cazador.

There are lines of dialogue within the game that highlight this in a painful and terrifying way. For example, when Tav/Durge directly confronts Cazador, or when Cazador ends up on his knees in front of Astarion after one of his brothers or sisters dies during the ritual. Cazador says: “He [Astarion] is afraid. He’s afraid because all he has ever knows is you and me. And without us, he is nothing.” Or: “And then? What will you be without me? A shade? A specrte in the shadows, devoid of all purpose.”

It’s a terrible thing, but it’s true. Cazador represents everything—Astarion’s entire world—and when he dies, he leaves behind a void that’s even more frightening. And let’s not forget that, in the real world, it takes very little to completely erase a person—and two hundred years in the hands of an abuser is an overwhelming amount of time, a detail that too often gets underestimated or completely forgotten.

The whole matter becomes even more disturbing and painful when Cazador suggests that without Tav/Durge, Astarion would have come crawling back to him with his tail between his legs. To his fucking tormentor. And sadly, it's a painful concept because it really happens in real life—when you have nothing and no one, when you have no means of your own and are completely dependent on another person, no matter how terrifying they are. Cazador is certain that Astarion will return to him, even if it means dying. And it's a concept with a devastating impact.

So Cazador was the domineering father figure, and vampire society functions under strict rules handed down by vampire lords. In this hostile context, without any room for self-expression or choice, Astarion developed a fragmented and damaged self-image. Constantly belittled by Cazador as an individual (small, weak, useless, incapable, all words he uses in the game), always pitted against his brothers and sisters, and degraded from a magistrate to a prostitute (this is important because it’s the only skill—or "talent," as he calls it himself—that Astarion believes gives him any value or power, forming the basis for his self-image). It’s easy to imagine just how high his self-esteem must be, right? Most importantly, he never developed the skills to navigate life as a free individual—at least not in a healthy way.

Good Lord, he thinks that in order to receive support, he has to sell himself to Tav/Durge and offer his sexual services—otherwise, he has no hope of survival! And that’s why I say he doesn’t possess all the skills of a well-adjusted adult. Other glaring examples of this—so glaring they hit you like a punch in the eye—are his inability to say no and to recognize his own limits. And shall we talk about the infamous question: What do you want? The first time, he deflects, and essentially gives the answer the player wants to hear. The second time, he states it plainly: he doesn't know. He doesn't know how to make decisions, he hasn’t done it in 200 years, and the very idea terrifies him to his core. These are all skills that a well-balanced person possesses—let’s not kid ourselves.

Like any mature and well-balanced adult, one knows how to recognize their feelings, define them, communicate them, and most importantly, not fear them. Astarion, on the other hand, is unable—after 200 years of pure shit—to understand what he feels for Tav/Durge, and he won’t be able to until the end of the Pale Elf’s quest. “I don’t know—but isn’t it nice, not to know? You’re not a target, nor a victim, not just one night it's better to forget. But then... whatever in the world could you be?”

So, even if reluctantly (and despite his fear), he ends up leaning on Tav/Durge. He needs a guiding figure to help him figure out what to do because making decisions and acting independently don’t come naturally to him. Especially outside of his talents, sex and survival. He needs to be rehabilitated, re-educated, and to achieve this, he requires a safe and healthy environment where he can experiment and grow, perhaps developing other faces of the self on which to base a new evaluation. Like, I'm not just a slave or a whore: but I'm also a companion, a friend, a lover, a hero and I'm able to listen, to help, to learn, to collaborate, etc.

And let’s not forget that when the fateful confrontation with Cazador is brought up, Astarion explicitly asks Tav/Durge for help. “I need to take the fight to him. And I need you to help me,” he says. How to help him—whether to ascend or not—is up to the player and how they choose to play. But the fact remains: Astarion needs support.

Meanwhile let’s take a look at some of the consequences of low self-esteem:

Difficulty opening up in social settings and communicating one's emotions and needs

Extreme self-criticism

Devaluing or ignoring one’s own qualities

Tendency to constantly apologize and feel guilty for things that are not actually one's responsibility

Tendency to appease others due to perceiving oneself as inferior to one’s peers

Use of negative words to describe oneself

Difficulty making decisions and maintaining personal goals over time

Negative and self-blaming internal dialogue

Belief that success is due to luck, with difficulty attributing accomplishments to oneself

Not believing compliments that are given to them

And now, let’s look at the most common causes for the development of low self-esteem:

Being raised by extremely critical and demanding parents

Being heavily devalued by parents or other authority figures

Being ignored or ridiculed during childhood

Being a victim of physical, sexual, or psychological abuse

Achieving poor academic results

Experiencing episodes of bullying or mistreatment in the workplace

Suffering a financial collapse or a significant breakup

Being subjected to a prolonged period of stress

Suffering from a chronic and persistent medical condition

Suffering from psychological disorders (e.g., anxiety or depression)

Does this remind you of something? Or maybe someone in particular? Does that person, by any chance, have red eyes and pointed teeth?

Naturally, these are just examples, and everything varies depending on the individual, but I believe these points still manage to convey the concept.

They especially give the idea of how much events—and especially the context in which we live—impact our psyche. For example, thanks to neuroscience and increasingly detailed brain imaging, we know that brain areas change according to the factors mentioned above; they train like muscles, so to speak, becoming larger and more reactive every time they are activated.

So, if someone is subjected to chronic stress, the brain areas responsible for managing it will become easily activated, bringing with them a whole series of consequences that affect performance, behavior, perception, thinking, and so on.

Likewise, the more the “right” areas of the brain are activated, the more the brain itself will develop in a healthy and balanced way, forming neural connections that support the tools (perception, thinking, etc) mentioned above.

Meanwhile, other areas—such as those related to stress responses—will remain small and more difficult to activate. (Obviously, brain areas don’t literally “grow” or “shrink” in size, but the connections between neurons (synapses) are strengthened or weakened depending on how much they’re used. This is a principle known as “neural plasticity”: what you use becomes reinforced, what you neglect becomes weaker.)

A curiosity: even our mood influences how we perceive people and the world around us—and consequently, our thoughts and impressions too! xD

This image is heartbreaking, because these brains belong to two three-year-old children—and the differences are significant.

The brain on the right is missing key areas that are present in the one on the left. These missing parts impact the abilities of the child with the smaller brain:

this child will likely be less intelligent as an adult compared to the one with the larger brain,

will be less capable of empathizing with others,

and will be at higher risk of becoming addicted to drugs and involved in violent crimes.

Additionally, the child with the smaller brain is more likely to remain unemployed and dependent on social services, and may develop mental health issues or other serious health problems.

The large difference in size and development between these two brains is not due to illness or injury, but rather to how the two children were treated by their mothers.

The child with the larger, more developed brain was loved by their mother, who was consistently present and attentive to their needs. The child with the smaller brain, on the other hand, was neglected and abused. It is precisely this difference in treatment that explains why one child's brain developed fully while the other’s did not.

Of course, our favorite vampire spawn isn’t a developing child—but the point is that certain environments and experiences have a profound impact and shape many aspects of our lives, making us more or less equipped to face challenges.

At this point, I’d like to focus a bit on the reasoning process in general. It’s easy to believe that when humans think, make decisions, and reflect on a problem or task, they do so in the most rational way possible. And that’s where we go wrong! First of all, the cerebral cortex — the part of the brain responsible for complex cognitive functions such as thinking, awareness, memory, attention, and language — is located in the upper region of the brain. Most stimuli, in order to reach the cortex, must pass through all the lower areas of the brain, which often trigger behavioral responses even before the stimulus reaches rational thought. For example, the activation of the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for danger responses. A silly example: how many times have we jumped out of our skin before realizing that the loud, scary noise was just a window slamming shut? First comes the fear response, then the evaluation of the stimulus follows.

As if that weren’t enough, the brain plays other little tricks on us — without us even being aware of it — because that sneaky thing does a whole lot on its own, especially when it comes to thinking and making decisions.

So... Astarion has a very limited perspective—mostly the one offered by Cazador. As we said earlier, the world is divided into those who have power and those who suffer it. Period. But we all know that in between there are infinite shades of gray, and that can’t be denied. In the same way, Astarion believes that Tav/Durge is the exception to the rule—the only kind person in the world, the one and only for him. But as much as it flatters our ego to hear that, we know very well that no one is that special. It’s always Astarion’s perspective that’s extremely limited. And in fact, here too, Tav/Durge has the opportunity to broaden his view, to point out that the world is full of kind people who would care for him if only he opened himself up and showed kindness in return. This narrow way of thinking and seeing things, this resistance to noticing alternatives, fits perfectly into the category of cognitive biases.

Let’s start with the premise that the human brain needs to be both effective and efficient. That means reaching a result in the shortest time and using the fewest resources. Therefore: when we think and make decisions, we don’t always do so rationally. We use heuristics—mental shortcuts—often following patterns we've used before. A silly example: if I have to cook a dish I’ve made a hundred times, I don’t sit down to rethink how and why I should cook it—I just switch off my brain and do it the way I’ve always done. Many heuristics are good and useful—others, not so much. And when they fall into the latter category, they become biases.

There are many types, but let’s look at one that we all, even us Astarion fans, share. xD Confirmation Bias!

Confirmation bias manifests when we tend to search for, interpret, or remember information that supports our pre-existing beliefs, ignoring anything that contradicts them or isn’t completely aligned.

Once a certain mental imprint forms, new experiences only deepen that groove, without any willingness to explore other interpretative modes—in fact, they tend to further crystallize internal beliefs.

We can say that the person is cherry-picking—in a complex set of data and information, they pick out only what resonates with a belief they already hold, which, in some way, is convenient for them.

The reason is easy to see: if I don’t challenge a belief—even if it’s irrational—I’ll save time, create less friction, and reduce internal and external resistance to a given situation.

Because confirmation bias shows up when a person selects only the evidence that supports their point of view, it easily becomes a self-sustaining system, keeping them locked in an interpretive and experiential microcosm that risks becoming increasingly stifling—a self-built prison.

Astarion is stuck on tracks he’s known inside and out for centuries, forcibly carved into his mind—and for him, it’s all too easy to filter everything through that lens. And this cuts him off from a myriad of possibilities, in a completely unconscious way. It’s like throwing a wrench in your own gears. So Tav/Durge represents an opening to a different value system, one that could replace or at least expand our vampire spawn’s worldview. Not without resistance, of course—those brain connections will get you!

So, to conclude, let’s go back to the beginning and to the statement in question.

"Astarion does not have a well-developed sense of self, and by default, he also lacks many of the skills that a well-adjusted adult should possess."

Yes, maybe out of context it might sound bad. I certainly don’t see Astarion as half a man, incapable of thinking or choosing for himself. But I do recognize that he has serious vulnerabilities that need to be treated with care and taken into account. Not when we're playing—when we play, we do what we like and have fun—but when we analyze him as a character. When Astarion, at the end of the Pale Elf quest, in the good ending, thanks us for saving him from himself, what he means, in my opinion, is exactly this: thank you for supporting me when my vulnerabilities, my fears, my blind spots, and my narrow perspective were getting the best of me. Because, let’s be honest, Astarion’s story is also about this—about rediscovery, about learning to live again, about changing, improving, growing, developing relationships, new abilities and skills. Not as a rogue or as a vampire, or within game mechanics—but as a person.

The point is: Astarion has come out of a horrific situation, one that has to have left marks, wounds, infected pus festering beneath the skin. A situation that never allowed him to understand what he liked, what he wanted, who he really was—simply because he couldn’t express himself, couldn’t think about his own needs, couldn’t say no. Couldn’t develop his sense of self in peace and safety.

A situation that left him unable to face the world and the people in it in a healthy way, unable to identify and express his own feelings, unable to say that damn "no" or to make choices. To decide, yes. And in fact, every time he’s asked what he wants to do, his answers are vague—or he says he doesn’t know, or admits that he’s afraid of those damn choices. He’s afraid of freedom, of consequences, and of everything else beyond the four things he knows—the four fucking things Cazador drilled into him, all around power and control.

And I’m really supposed to believe that the one choice he’s absolutely sure about is Ascension? Hell no. Just like he's not sure he doesn't want to ascend!

References

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin. → A foundational text on the concept of the self, self-actualization, and congruence between real and ideal self.

Winnicott, D. W. (1964). The Child, the Family, and the Outside World. Penguin Books. → Explores the importance of a safe environment in the healthy development of the self.

Bowlby, J. (1969–1980). Attachment and Loss (Vols. 1–3). Basic Books. → Describes how early attachment figures shape our internal working models and sense of security.

Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and Society. W. W. Norton & Company. → Introduces the theory of psychosocial development across the lifespan.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books. → Explains complex trauma, victim-perpetrator dynamics, and the long-term effects of abuse.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking. → Offers neuroscientific insight into how trauma reshapes the brain and affects emotional regulation.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being. W. W. Norton & Company. → Discusses neuroplasticity, integration, and the development of a coherent sense of self.

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. → A deep dive into heuristics, decision-making, and cognitive biases like confirmation bias.

Malaguti, E., & Morganti, P. (2014). Psychotraumatology: An Integrated Model for Trauma Treatment. (Translated from the Italian). FrancoAngeli. → Addresses the psychological and neurological consequences of prolonged trauma.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate 3 astarion #baldur's gate astarion

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a-stars-art-blog · 7 months ago

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Shitposts + serious WIP (?) comic

2nd shitpost inspired by @euporie-art ‘s tags on one of my other shitposts lmao

Tangent about the jail scene here ⬇️⬇️⬇️

It’s been rattling in my brain whyyyy Barok faces away from Albert in this scene

It’s an obviously deliberate decision so it got me thinking. Now unless someone already did an amazing analysis about this, please ignore this so I don’t look stupid and send me it instead fjskakak

TL;DR exactly what the comic said

Highly doubt Barok was so upset at Albert as to not face him (at least not too much). He DID go visit him actually, which is something Albert didn’t even predict. (Take that as you will). Barok could still be upset with Albert but I don’t see him as the type to turn his back to him like this.

My initial thought could be that Barok didn’t want Albert to see how grumpy and gloomy he’s become but I figured since he knew they were gonna see each other soon anyways, there’d be no reason to avoid it (unless he wanted to avoid a barrage of questions/concerns from Albert)

It’s like,,,what possible reason could there be that doesn’t make you think “well they were about to see each other in court in, like, less then 24 hours so what was the point?”

That’s when my thought train decided to go away from “Barok personal self-loathing” reason to “Barok personal something else” reason

Why would Barok not want to look at someone he considers a friend, especially one in a tough situation? Maybe, I thought, bc it would be to painful for him

When they were in uni, they probably had high hopes for each other. To expect the other to do great things, be great people, be famous. Imagine 10 years later you find out your buddy is in JAIL??? That’s probably very heartbreaking. I wouldn’t blame him for not wanting to see someone he holds in high regards in a cell. But he’s still gonna be a good friend and visit him anyways <3

Okay another thought that JUST popped into my head!! Barok not wanting Albert’s image of him to change just yet.

Up until just recently, Albert had nothing but positive and nice things to say about Barok. He hadn’t talked to him in YEARS so his image of Barok is still of “the little darling��/varsity days.

Albert was probably the only person closely connected to Barok that still held that image. And Barok probably knew that. I think it’d be incredibly tragic if Barok wanted someone to still believe in him. To have someone who still saw him as nothing but good and hopeful. A bright man with a bright future. Albert seeing his face and seeing that brightness gone away would probably make him understand something’s gone horribly wrong.

Of course, them seeing each other is inevitable but Barok prolonging it is still a painful thought. The fact Barok prolonged their face to face meeting at all is really sad :(((

But bright side is that Albert never commented (initially) on his appearance. Just his mean behavior lol and I actually really really appreciate how their friendship was never really put into question. They never had a conversation where they were like “hey you’re scary now” or “hey I’m scary now” “we should probably stop being friends” they’re both fucked up <3 but it’s still fun to imagine that “what if”

Anyways all this to say that Barok cares so much about Albert that even his actions that look cold and heartless, actually come from a deep place of love and respect holy shit????

That or he’s just a tsundere

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corrie-zodori · 23 days ago

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No but I'm gonna go on a little tangent here actually Tenna H u r t s me dude. Like. We're all aware "omg the tv saw the whole divorce" but really REALLY think about the weight of that. Kris could get up and walk away and go to their room if they really wanted to, but Tenna? He can't move. Not in the real world. And like, Ralsei might be like "Darkners aren't real" but it's VERY Clear that Tenna existed and had relationships long before we ever stepped foot in TV world. He was AWARE of what was going on in the real world *the entire time.* He LITERALLY saw the entire thing, something he CLEARLY has memories of. He was a captive audience to EVERY argument they ever had in that living room. He had to watch his family fall apart, with no way to mediate, communicate, break it up, scream, nothing.

He just had to helplessly watch as everything that made their lives stable and happy rotted away. And he, himself, likely saw his own happiness and stability rotting away, knowing what this would mean for his own future. He had no way to stop it from happening, he could only hope for escapism whenever he had the opportunity. Always looking for an answer or a way to bring things back to how they were to an obsessive and even childish degree. But no, he was just cast aside, probably never going to be turned back on again, left to be alone. (Side note, that's also why I agonize over the neutral/weird route end of chapter 3. Dude got ONE minute of happiness before getting killed and in those routes he just straight up dies. He can't even enjoy this moment for more than a few seconds before he's just destroyed.) Idk maybe that's part of the reason Tenna struck such a chord with me, and why Kris is also growing on me rapidly. My verdict: This stupid tragic wet towel of a tv man makes me insane.

#Deltarune chapter 3 #deltarune spoilers #tenna #long post #zodori rambles #deltarune #my parents didnt divorce but they came very close to it and uh #as a kid who ended up having to CONSTANTLY mediate my parents at a VERY young age and watch helplessly as they got vicious #and also SUBMERGING myself into escapism as a means of distracting myself from just how rough things were for a while #yeah idk man tenna kinda hits home LOL.#Ive never been able to put it into words but like. Man. *man.*#sorry if this is oversharing but like idk Im one of the lucky ones I think. I can only imagine how hard he must hit for kids of divorce

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the-100-days-of-junkan · 7 months ago

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Day 90

Alright. So you might be thinking, pondering, desperately contemplating to yourself a simple question.

“JEM. WHAT THE FUCK??? WHY????” And I hear you, I get it, it’s a lot to take in out of nowhere and that’s the point. Sit with me, peer into the biohazard that is in my brain as I explain to you why in the name of all that’s good I made a fucking Music Video.

So last time on the 100 Days of Junkan, for Day 80 I got very silly and animated a gif of Junko and Mikan kissing. And as I keep saying over and over again, every 10 pics I wanted to go BIGGER. And maybe this is just the brainrot causing all of my mental functions to degrade past the point of no return, but the only way up at this point was in fact a music video.

But surely I couldn’t. I mean, I only have that single gif as experience with animation! How the fuck could I try and put myself through a process that I have absolutely no experience making something as ambitious as a Music Video! I’ll have to do something else. But then.

I had a thought, a small thought, an evil little thought that wormed its way into my head and didn’t leave.

“Okay. But wouldn’t it be really funny if you sent a full Junkan music video to Val without any warning?” That was it. I was beaten, I couldn’t counter that. The sheer comedic shock value of keeping my wonderful oomfie, the one who has helped motivate me through this entire project, who has given amazing responses to all of these pics as I made them, completely in the dark over this, and then finally with no context, or warning, or even a hint, dropping a fucking music video on her lap and running away like I’m pranking someones god damn doorbell. It was too much, even moreso considering I could do the same with ya’ll!

You! My varied followers, the silent and the vocal, or even better the random fucking people who have been staring in confusion as the Junko and Mikan tag got flooded with art of these two kissing out of nowhere for like three fucking months. I had an opportunity to send everyone into surprise and confusion because why the fuck did I make a god damn music video??? How??? It was too fucking funny to pass up!

This is easily the most fucking bizarre thing I’ve done for the entire event! Did any of you think this was the path this would go down?? Did any of ya’ll see that I made a gif and think “Surely this scrawny white bitch also made a Music Video.” I doubt it! But if you did, my undying respect goes to you!

So here we are. A Music Video. A fucking Music Video, one which I now have to talk about. It took a full fucking page just to get to the point where I actually talk about it and this took me THREE MONTHS TO MAKE, spanning from May 8th to August 1st!

So here’s what I’m gonna do. First, I’m gonna talk about MAKING this fucking thing, and then when I finish that I’m going to switch over to talking about the actual contents of the music video. This is going to get really messy and will probably go into tangents, but ya’ll have hopefully coped with the knowledge that this is going to be a lot of words by the time you hit the end of this sentence. (Future Jem here! I think this was actually shorter than Day 60) So without further delay-

The Making of Snow Fairy, a Junkan Music Video. Yes. Really.

So the first step of this was obviously, The Music. What song would I use for this? Well initially the plan was to animate something using the song “Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed.” And if that name sounds familiar, yes, it is the song that Val’s fic was named after. Now the idea wasn’t to adapt her fanfic into a music video (or at least it wasn’t the idea for more than 5 minutes). I was simply going to use this song to make a music video depicting a romantic journey with these two. So why not this song?

IT’S LIKE 6 FUCKING MINUTES. Not to jump ahead of myself here but I can’t make it any clearer for ya’ll, that Gif from Day 80??? That was it. That was all I had going into this. I didn’t do any other practice, I didn’t make anything else like that gif. I made that gif, took like two weeks to make Days 81-89, and jumped into a music video. And yes, that’s fucking stupid, but you’ve all learned by this point that I don’t make sensible choices. I draw women kissing, scream, and feel endless euphoria- I got so off topic already, sorry.

Anyway that’s a 6 minute song and I had very little experience, even I knew that wasn’t gonna be viable without driving my head into the wall from stress. And while the idea of me dialing it back sounds unheard of given my track record, I did in fact scale back massively.

So I pondered, and eventually came to a quite frankly obvious answer.

youtube

(Sorry I could only find an AI Upscaled version with interpolation)

Snow Fairy, the first opening of Fairy Tail, AKA, my favorite piece of fiction. And Snow Fairy is my favorite anime opening of all time, if not just straight up my favorite song ever. The fact that it wasn’t my first thought is a shock. Though that still brought on some questions.

Firstly. What version? Because yes I actually had options. I could either use the original song in Japanese, or the english cover by LeeandLie. I was close to picking the original version by Funkfist, but there was two issues. One, because it was in another language that means I would have had to taken the time to put in subtitles and keep them properly timed, which would have just been one more thing on an already massive workload. The second reason is also why I went with LeeandLie’s version, I just like the translation for the lyrics a bit more. At least in terms of how well I think it works for a Junkan Music Video. So we had the cover of the song I was gonna use, next question.

Full Song? Or the intro edit? Because the version used in the anime is obviously much shorter, and not just that actually includes the very end of the song pasted to a much earlier part of it. So if I wanted to use the shorter version I would have needed to actively edited the song.

After much thought I chose to ask my friend (and now current girlfriend) Yves to edit the song to match the intro version of Funkfists cover and worked from there. Because even if I would have loved to use the full song, that’s around 3 minutes, which for essentially a beginner sounds like fucking torture.

So I had a song around 1 minute and 28 seconds to work with. Much easier- WRONG. WRONG IT WAS STILL PAINFUL. WHY DID I DO THIS- Anyway.

We had our song! Now we had to make the actual video!

Step 1, I actually made a Storyboard, this is the smartest thing I will do during this entire process.

As you can see from this lil joke doodle I made during the process, I didn’t even start the actual video before I had realized I had made a massive mistake, however I was of course going to persevere. The Storyboard took about, 2? 3 days? This is mostly because I had other work to prioritize, and I had to make sure I got this pretty solid. Here it is!

(The file name for this has the phrase "Why god Why" btw)

As you can see it’s very, very professional.

You can also see there were a few things cut or changed, and even stuff that wasn’t there in the first place. That’s because even if I was going into this with more of a plan compared to other parts of this, I still really had no idea what I was getting into nor how to do it. The scene of all the girls doing their hair was cut because it just seemed like an awkward space filler to try and mimic the actual Snow Fairy Intro animation. In hindsight I do wish I kept it or found a replacement rather than just extending the following scene. And yeah that scene had to be super extended so I could actually time things properly.

As for the scene at the end, the various art pieces flashing in the background (which I will talk about later) were done because I realized without them I had way too much dead air in the scene. I then took advantage of it to show a montage of time passing in the scene itself, of the things that differed from the storyboard that’s the one I’m happiest with.

Storyboard has passed so now I have to talk about making the video itself, i feel like i’ve said some variation of that sentence like 5 times now.

So do you want a fun fact? THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE ANIMATED! This was supposed to be an Animatic, and even that might not be the right word. This was supposed to be basically a storyboard with hints of motion, say for the intro with Monokuma which I always planned to properly animate given his simplistic design. Everything else was supposed to be much simpler.

And then I kept. Accidentally. TRYING TO ANIMATE IT. I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU EVEN DO THAT BY ACCIDENT! And like sure, none of it really gets as meticulous as the Monokuma, but I still ended up learning way more about animating things properly during this project because I just couldn’t help myself. It was always “Well just one more frame to make it look right. One more frame. Okay just another- Oh no.” This is the depths of hell this ship has dragged me to, and even if I haven’t had a chance to fully make use of what I learned here because I’ve been busy, Junkan somehow made me into a fucking animatory at least to the degree of a hobbyist. IF YOU TOLD ME THAT A FEW YEARS AGO I’D THINK YOU WERE LYING! Because if you asked me before this year about my opinion on animating, I’d tell you something around the lines of-

“God I wish I could, but I just don’t have the patience for that y’know?” I GUESS THAT DOESN’T MATTER WHEN IT'S A NICHE SHIP?? Mind you this was still when I was under the impression I was going to get backlash for all this, I didn’t care but I certainly thought it would come to me. The hold these two have on my brain is downright COMICAL.

And I’m sorry if I sound like this is me complaining at all, because I’m really not, I just get more excitable and whacked out during these more high effort projects. This ship has brought me immense joy on its own, and making this project despite the exhaustive work it took to do so has been so fulfilling in part thanks to being able to see the joy my work has brought all of you. I wouldn’t trade this for anything.

But you gotta fucking admit, this isn’t fucking normal right?? None of this is normal! And I don’t mean that in a “We’re all weirdos for liking this” kind of way I mean that in a “What the fuck is going on with me specifically” kind of thing because what is ANY of this?? I re-learned how to write (loosely at least), learned how to actually paint in my program, have developed a deeper understanding of both myself and how to portray expressions, have just generally gotten better at drawing cause of this, memorized these fucking designs almost perfectly (almost, i know there’s some small details of Junko’s design i leave out and Mikan’s apron can be a challenge at times), learned how to animate, LEARNED HOW TO MAKE A MUSIC VIDEO ON ONE GIF OF EXPERIENCE, made angsty shipping art for the first time, and god fucking KNOWS what else that I’m forgetting. And that’s ignoring that by this point we’re edging so much closer to me being able to say “I’ve drawn Junkan 200 fucking times” any god damn day now.

If this isn’t abnormal human being behaviour, it at the very least has to be really fuckin funny behaviour, right?? Am I just overthinking this??

Oh god, right, the main topic. Sorry about that it’s just been eating away at me the sheer absurdity of this project when I really step back and think about it.

Anyway making the vid, I did have a LOT of help from my girlfriend @sunmellows, who actually does have animation experience. She’s more versed in using sprites to animate, but a lot of the techniques could be carried over to what I was doing here. That segment of Mikan and Mukuro running along past a bunch of characters? She helped me so much to get the walk cycles perfect for that.

She also helped me make sure I could actually show this fucking video to people, because fun fact. I made this on an absolute piece of shit laptop! And at first it was relatively fine when I exported projects. But when I got to the point of being actually close to completion? Oh my god not only did it take hours, it just didn’t even work. It would basically KILL my laptops performance to the absolute limit until I would eventually have to force restart the thing. Which thank god didnt’ corrupt the fucking file. So when it came to the final export, I handed off the file to her and she graciously exported it out of clip studio, and then made some minor edits to the timing of the animation in a video editing program.

This is also why, much to my constant irritation, there are still a few animation errors in this because if I fixed them, I’d have to re-export the entire video. And sure, my current laptop is 10 times better and might not try to invent a new form of agony trying to manage it, but also i’m not waiting like 2 or 3 hours for that to happen. No matter how painful it makes rewatching this video. Cause i don’t actually like rewatching this one usually, I’m very proud of it but as I’ve said in the past I am a vicious perfectionist when it comes to my work, so its hard for me to ignore every issue and oddity in the video.

I was fucking losing it by the end of this, I was pulling late nighters for like a week while trying to work on the last few scenes and fix up whatever I could, which was hard because I lacked a convenient way to just watch the whole video in good quality and speed, since playing it in my art program resulted in constant stuttering and made it impossible to tell if it would really look like that, and again, trying to export it made my laptop hate me. But on August 1st I finished it, I had to stay up till 6 AM to do it but I did in fact, fucking do it. I passed it off to Yves, she exported it after some technical difficulties, and now we’re here.

It was, wild, trying to keep this a secret. And i’m not just talking the 3 months I had to keep it quiet to Val (Though that was difficult but VERY worth it yes), but also keeping it secret up till this point. I don’t even know how many fucking months I’ve had to keep this quiet so none of you would find out about it, I’ve been anxiously waiting to see everyone's reactions to this fucking video, and at the time of writing we’re on like, Day 76. I still have so much more time I need to wait! I’m probably gonna be a nervous wreck the day this actually goes up!

Would I ever do this again? God I fucking hope not! (the answer is yeah someday)

I should actually talk about what’s IN the music video now, shouldn’t I? Will be mildly difficult because that’s probably gonna require a lot of rewatching, and as I already said looking at this music video does make my perfectionist brain scratch bad a bit.

Okay so Monokuma.

So originally the plan for this was for the vid to be a much closer 1-to-1 of the actual opening version of Snow Fairy, and while it did eventually evolve into more of its own thing (both functioning as its own slightly more unique intro for Junkan but also just becoming a more normal music video) the one thing that i always wanted for this was to recreate the first few seconds of the intro but with Monokuma. When this was meant to be significantly less like, animation-y, he was gonna be the only part I went fully into.

It was a real pain in the ass but this guy was basically my crash course on properly animating thanks in part to his simple design. He’s also brought much laughter to my girlfriend! On discord i have this part of the vid saved as a gif, and completely divorced from the context of the music vid it just looks like a silly as gif of Monokuma flying away. Like where the fuck are you going dude??

For the remainder of the first bit I wanted to include Hope’s Peak and Jabberwock island since they’re the most iconic locations in the series, granted, jabberwock feels very irrelevant in a non-despair AU but shhhh. The LOGO! I wish I had the actual thing in my files but I guess I just never thought to save it as it’s own thing. And I’m too scared to open the actual file for the music video to just copy paste it out of there because fun fact, the whole thing is ALL one file. Tip from the Ametuer here, don’t fucking do that.

I’m still really happy that I managed to find the actual font for the Fairy Tail logo to make this with, equally happy that I also managed to sneak in one more reference to Val’s work again! It is once again the tattoo design, because I just can’t help myself y’know?

After that we hit me actually doing this and for a brief moment you get to see it actually be about as slide-showy as I had initially planned on before I decided I was gonna learn how to do a proper run cycle and that took like two fucking days i think. Very proud of it though, Mikan and Mukuro’s little runs were very fun to animate and I like the stupid ass slide I made Mukuro do. I actually wanted to make a stupid animation of her rail grinding using those frames, clearly I didn’t.

Oh also yeah this style was reused for the cover of the Day 60 Comic, partially because I wanted to retroactively sprinkle bits of this animatic into whatever prior posts I can, partially because i really could not think of an actual cover for that comic.

So since I was trying desperately to make this seem like the opening to some kind of Junkan Series (and again that concept for the vid dies out real quick) I decided to just include as many other characters as possible during these running scenes. Not only because it would be very fun to draw some of them in this fucked up chibi style I started doing on the fly, but also because then I could insert like three whole ships that I like. We got the Ruruseiko, the Tokomaru, the Ikuzonobuki because hey someone had too.

Fun fact there was supposed to be a little pop up of Mukuro with heart eyes in the corner when Sayaka and Ibuki showed up, but I either scrapped cause I couldn’t make it look right with the limited frames I had, or I accidentally hid all of its layers and couldn’t find it. I can’t remember, this project turning out as well as it did is quite frankly a miracle.

The train scene I don’t really remember why I did like, full linework and shading for that while the rest of the fuckin vid is just sketches. I guess it was fully still animation so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Drawing the very silly little shots of them going by the train was a lot more fun though, I also used it to reference a few more pieces from the past!

The first shot of them with Angie was a reference to the Day 70 Piece, since I always kinda headcanoned (yeah headcanoning my own art, that makes sense) that it was Angie who made it. Then we got Day 82, which at the time of writing this hasn’t been posted! Flashback to whatever day that Karaoke pic with the Ikuzonobuki trio was on for the shot of Junko watching Mikan sing.

And then after that is the Flatwoods monster part, which is the really fun one because I have no idea if I’ll have drawn anything for that by the time this gets released. I really want to though because I love the Flatwoods Monster and I love Junkan, so why not combine them! Alas, I’m working on the December 24th comic as I write this so I might not have time to make that on time.

Yasuke and Tsumugi! I’ve given my thoughts on them before of course, I think during Day 60? My brain at this point just felt very inclined to include them in this, Yasuke especially. Even if just as a very small cameo I kinda just associate these two with Junkan? Admittedly it’s mostly because of Val’s fic, I won’t act like that isn’t just the blueprint for everything in the junkan portion of my brain.

I also used this opportunity to once more make up for the fact that I had drawn so very little kabedon content in this whole project.

After that this probably becomes the cheesiest thing i’ve ever made. The scene of Mikan looking sad was another scene directly based off of the original opening this all based on. After the spin transition I put a little too much effort into was supposed to be a shot of Junko doing Mikan’s hair while Mukuro and Sayaka try to do the same with Ibuki. If I remember the timeline of events I realized I couldn’t make this scene last until the next scene on the storyboard without dragging it out, so I was gonna try adding other little vignettes of antics. However in a rare act of self care I decided to not make this any harder on myself and just scrapped it, skipped to the next storyboard, and extended it out to fit the time. Do I like this in the longrun?? Ehhhhhh, personally I think I shoulda just sucked it up and just added some smaller shots, but miraculously I have people who care about me and would probably prefer it if I didn’t destroy my body for a music video, so I probably made the right choice.

Those outfits look kinda familiar! Whether because I was struggling to think of a new outfit, or because I had just drawn a kabedon, I decided to reuse the outfits from Day 74! Junko’s was a pain in the ass to animate! Never again! Also I colored the Boba to match my pride headcanons for both of them, Mikan being bi and Junko being pan. One kiss and another god damn spin transition i put too much effort into making look good, and we’re at the last scene.

And there’s a mildly fun story for the art used in the background. Like I already said, they were added last minute because the scene would be dead air without them. However I could have done more little clips and vignettes and not fully drawn art pieces. So why did I do fully drawn art pieces?? I was starving, of course.

You all know my rule that I’m not allowed to draw any Junkan before the current one on the project is finished, correct? Well guess who wasn’t able to draw any normal junkan for like 3 months because I had to focus on making a music video. I can reread a bunch of fics or stare at art forever but the desperate and violent urge to make more and add to the pile so my brain feels nice is insatiable, especially with the rate I was making these previously before the music video began production.

Sooo, making some last minute assets seemed like a pretty good excuse to finally draw something fresh. And it was a fucking blessing on my brain at this point.

I tried to do a runthrough of their relationship up to this point, flashing back all the way until their first encounter. Was this a thinly veiled excuse to realistically include a halloween pic? Yes. But hey, that last shot was always planned so on some level I have to be justified in my actions. Let’s talk about these pieces one at a time.

First up, hey, that kinda looks familiar. That’s right, assuming the stars aligned and allowed me to gain the strength to draw the December 24th Comic all on time (I’m 17 pages in at the moment send past me your strength, time travel is real if I say it is), then you might notice that I just took the outfits for this winter-y art and featured them in the story!

So I did in fact draw the Halloween art first and realized I could probably do something vaguely interesting with a timeline of events, so I realized it would probably be best to put the winter art BEFORE October, because I like to dream of a year where I can celebrate Halloween and not freeze to death. It just also happens that it kinda conveniently fits the current time! Since this is releasing in winter! A miracle.

This ones pretty simple obviously, I unfortunately have nothing impressive or interesting to say on the art itself, more just stuff surrounding it.

Now the Halloween Art. Well i also don’t have a lot to say there either but god dammit i’ll sure as hell try!~

Listen I wasn’t fully confident that I would have the project done in time for Halloween, and as I’ve probably said before (or at least implied), while I could certainly draw more art on my own time after the 100 days were ready, until this was a public thing and the world was made well aware of my obsession, I couldn’t post it. It is extremely good luck (and also burnout) that I was able to get this done in time to actually post during October, so I did get to draw Halloween Stuff! But when I was making this?? I saw an opportunity to say “fuck it” and draw something spooky with these two, my favorite holiday and (probably) my favorite ship?? Yes please!

As for designing their halloween outfits I sure did fucking wing it! Yeah no thought process, just spooky as fuck.

Though something interesting about this art that my girlfriend pointed out is that the way I shaded and colored it matches up a lot with my older art. Since I’m not gonna drag through my old gallery to find good examples the best way I can sum it up is that my coloring style back in the day was a lot more candy colored. If that makes sense? More saturated colors I guess? Whenever I look at pieces like those and this I just think of a bowl of colorful candy.

I miss drawing like that, I don’t know what changed. It’s hard to go back, but maybe i’ll try.

The next shot might seem familiar, but not to any of my other pics, but rather a fic! When writing my Vampire Junkan AU I decided that I wanted to do an Aquarium Date for one of the bigger chapters, because as we all know, Fish and Vampires go together like chocolate and peanut butter. When writing it I was thinking of when I wanted to do the big kiss scene, and this art came to mind! So while it’s not very 1 to 1, I tried my best to recreate it through words.

Why did I draw aquarium art in the first place? I wanted to draw a sunfish . . . I’m a very simpleminded woman in most cases y’know?

The next image was actually even more last minute than the other 3, cause even with those I didn’t have enough to cover the timeframe of the scene. Soooo, Junko giving Mikan a flower.

Maybe this was her confessing? Asking her out? I haven’t thought about it enough.

And after so long we’re finally back to me just ripping straight from the original opening this is based off of, and in the original its a very sentimental memory for one of the main characters. So pretty early on alongside the Monokuma bit I knew I should have that specific last flashback be their first meeting. I think this is like, my 4th or 5th time depicting a first meeting between these two? It’s always fun to do, and the one in this music vid I think you can tell was decently inspired by Kayleen’s “Smile” Fic, albeit not a direct adaptation and with like, 2% more whimsy.

And a proposal!! We all crack eventually and there was only so god damn long I could stop myself from depicting one, and what better place than an ill advised music video? Also the gleam of the ring just made for a really good transition out of this and I’m still shocked by how well I was able to make it look.

And that’s it! I feel like I didn’t talk about this one as much as I thought I would?? Granted I think this is still one of the longer rambles I’ve gone on, but given the jump in scale I thought this’d be a bit more, excessive??

I already said earlier but for as, fucking agonizing as this was, I will probably, someday, try to do another animation like this. Hell I’m collaborating with my Girlfriend on a VS Project right now and I’m hoping to at least do small bits of actual animating on it. Which I think I can do??

As for music videos, welllll I do have two in mind, one is Vampire Junkan (though not in the way you think), and the other doesn’t specifically focus on Junkan but it sure will have a Billy Joel song.

So what’s up next??

Well I’m just gonna say this now, Day 100 does not go higher in scale than this, I won’t say what it is but its like, normal. Day 99 should be fun though! As for 91 through 98? Well! We’ve got 8 days of Fanfics! I didn’t write anything don’t worry. I made 8 pictures based off of 8 fanfics, with only one repeat author! There’s reason for that though you’ll see. There’s some direct adaptations of scenes, covers for the story, and like, something more based off the vibe, it’s hard to describe. You’ll see.

Gonna try my best to sing the praises of the fics themselves though I worry that I won’t be able to adequately sing the praises of these stories to the same degree that I did on Day 60, so hopefully I can at least convince ya’ll to give them a read yourself!~

Here’s hopin ya’ll enjoy the results!

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

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augustjoy · 2 years ago

Text

The Story of Us

Sneak Peek: Three years, seven months and twenty-four days. That is how long you had been with Aaron Hotchner. That also happens to be the same amount of time that Aaron had been lying to his team.

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Fluff/Angst

Word count: 3468

Warnings: Age gap, pregnancy, mention of divorce, mention of Haley and her death, mention of child abduction case (no details), pregnancy complications, mentions of hospitals. Use of y/n (once I think). I think that's everything - let me know if I missed anything else.

Not edited - please be kind.

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

Three years, seven months and twenty-four days. That is how long you had been with Aaron Hotchner. That also happens to be the same amount of time that Aaron had been lying to his team.

It really wasn’t that Aaron wanted to hide you from them, he just had to keep you safe. He needed to keep you separated from the horrors the plagued his career.

When he met you, he honestly wasn’t sure what would come of it, you were quite a bit younger than him, only having just begun your ascent into adulthood. It wasn’t until he got to know you that he knew he was hooked. You had him wrapped around your finger and all you had done was be your most authentic self. Something he envied.

On your first official date he’d learned so much about you, you were twenty-five, you owned your own café, you had moved to Virginia just a year prior from Arizona, you were divorced, and you were a single mother. You had explained to Aaron that the pregnancy had been unplanned and ultimately was the beginning of the end of your marriage. Your daughter, Norah, was four and the divorce had been long been finalized when you began dating.

The two of you had agreed to take things slow, seeing as you both had been through so much in your previous relationships. It had taken him some time, but he did eventually explain what had happened to Haley – He had spared you of the more gruesome details, but he explained that his job was dangerous, and it is what had led to their demise, so he gave you an out. Once he had finished his tangent you had caressed his cheek and leaned in and kissed him, explaining to him that you understood and didn’t plan on going anywhere.

You and Aaron have not had it easy over the last three and a half years, after just a year of dating you had moved in together. That hadn’t been easy, you had to adjust to his lifestyle, and he had to adjust to yours. It was hard work finding the balance of your newly blended family, but you had managed – coming out on the other side even stronger than before.

Three months after moving in you had found the ring. It hadn’t been intentional by any means. You were doing the laundry on your day off and while placing his socks in their designated drawer you had noticed the little velvet box. It sat there mocking you as you just gawked at it. You were definitely ready to marry Aaron, but you questioned whether he was truly ready to marry you. You had been together for just over a year and the only family of his you had met was Jack, Sean and Jessica. How could he possibly want to add you and Norah to his family if he was too afraid to introduce you to them.

That night when Aaron got home you confronted him, you had waited until dinner was finished and the kids were tucked into bed, not wanting them to be a part of a conversation of such nature. It started off as you simply explaining to him how you had found the ring – adamant to inform him that you had not been snooping, you had found it purely by accident. That is when the word vomit started, you just couldn’t stop yourself from droning on about how you loved him and you are so excited that he wants to take this step, but you can’t help but feel like maybe you have pressured him into this and that you would stop talking about the future and just take it day by day because you couldn’t live with yourself if you had forced him into this decision and you would never want him to resent you because of it.

Before you could get another word out Aaron had practically shouted your name, it had been the only way to get you to stop talking and listen to him in that moment. He had asked you where on earth you had gotten the idea that he felt forced or pressured from, he was so heartbroken to know that you were feeling this way. This is when you explained your theory about him not being ready to introduce you to his family, let alone add you to it. Aaron’s face fell at your words, everything coming together in his head. He looked into your eyes and the walls he had spent so long building up after Haley’s death, came crumbling down. He reassured you that he wanted nothing more than to make you and Norah a permanent part of the Hotchner family (if you’d let him) and he explained to you why he had continued to keep his personal life so separate from his professional one. This time around he gave you some of the details surrounding Haley’s death and it was your turn to have the pieces fall into place.

Your conversation ended in an engagement as well as an understanding that for his piece of mind and your safety, things would continue to be separate. With the clause that Aaron would at least tell you about his job a little more and he would tell you all about his team (even if they didn’t know about you). You wanted to feel connected to him completely and in order to do so, you needed to know about the other half of his life.

Eight months later you were married, after another six months you had officially adopted Jack and Aaron had officially adopted Norah. The Hotchner family was complete! Or so you had thought. Your family had enjoyed six-ish months of bliss after the adoptions had been finalized before your world had turned upside down. After a night of celebration, (Jack winning his soccer game, Norah’s A+ on her spelling test, your new menu, and Aaron’s completion of his most recent case) the two of you had enjoyed a particularly heated evening which leads to you – three weeks later staring at the stupid digital letters spelling out PREGNANT. Aaron and you had both mentioned wanting a big family, but you had assumed that the four of you were what he meant.

Aaron took the news well, honestly, you’re pretty sure he was more excited than you were. The two of you talked about how you would make the announcement, both to the kids and to your extended family. You also scheduled the first appointment to check and see if this was really happening.

After that first appointment, in which you confirmed that you were in fact pregnant, you and Aaron had begun planning. You talked about potential baby names, and you began looking at houses. At your eight-week appointment (which you’d gone to solo as Aaron had been working) you’d gotten some news that would really change things…you were worried about what this would mean for you and Aaron.

When he finally arrived home five days later, you wasted no time in breaking the news. You were having triplets, and you had officially been labeled as a high-risk pregnancy. Aaron sat stunned for a while, so long that you had started to worry. You knew he needed time to process this, but you really needed him too, truthfully, you were scared. Your pregnancy with Norah had not been easy and that was one baby. Here you were now trying to fathom how difficult this pregnancy and birth would be. When Aaron finally snapped out of the daze he’d fallen into, he reached for you, holding your hands in his own while reassuring you that you guys could do this, and everything would be okay.

Two months later you moved into your new home. Things had been changing faster than you could wrap your head around them and while you were so excited to be in your new home and settled with these babies that were officially four months along, you couldn’t help but succumb to that nagging feeling in the back of your mind. It had been telling you that things would not be this good forever and there was bound to be a bump in this road at some point.

The bump that came was not one you were prepared for.

Three years, seven months and twenty-four days. That is how long you had been with Aaron Hotchner. That also happens to be the same amount of time that Aaron had been lying to his team.

The Hotchner family had been settled in their new home and you were just nearing the end of your pregnancy. Aaron had been called in for a time sensitive local case – child abduction. These cases were always hard on him, having Jack and needing to leave him to work these cases, but now it wasn’t just Jack. It was Jack and Norah and your three unborn babies and you, Aaron had been feeling the pressure of this case and you could see it on his face, in the fleeting moments you’d been able to share since the case had begun three days ago.

It was time and you knew it, that all too familiar feeling, the pain coming in waves every so often. The kids were at school and Jess was out of town. The only person you could call was Aaron, and he wasn’t answering. He had been really good about attending to her calls during the pregnancy but given his current mental state and the pressure he’s under to solve and close this case, you weren’t exactly surprised that he wasn’t responsive.

There was one other person you could call. Aaron had given you his number in case of an emergency. When he gave your number to Dave with little to no explanation, Dave just smiled a nodded his head. The team had noticed the changes in Hotch as your relationship had progressed. He didn’t stay late anymore unless absolutely necessary, he had been happier, smiling more, wearing a ring again. Nobody said anything as they figured Hotch would share when he was ready…they just didn’t expect it to be nearly four years later.

So, when Dave’s phone rang, and it was your contact that had flashed across the screen, he didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is David Rossi, right? Aaron gave me this number in the case of an emergency!” You rushed.

“Yes, this is Dave. You must be Y/N. Is everything alright?” Dave asked, waving off Emily’s look of confusion.

“Umm I’m just trying to get a hold of Aaron and he’s not answering and…I’m not sure how much information he gave you about me or anything, but screw it, now is not the time, I am in labor, and I need Aaron to get here like now.” You were rambling, but at this point you just didn’t care anymore, the contractions were pretty close together at this point and you were in far too much pain.

“Okay, don’t worry, we will get a hold of Aaron. What is your address, I will come and get you and drive you to the hospital. Unless you think you need an ambulance.”

“I don’t think I need an ambulance. If you or Aaron could get here to take me that would be ideal. I’m at our house, the address is 123 West Elm. The kids are both at school, someone will need to pick them up!” You were starting to panic, and Dave could tell.

“Don’t worry about that we will send someone to pick up the kids, I am on my way to you now. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you until I get there?” Dave was being so patient with you, and you couldn’t have been more grateful.

“Um, no that’s okay, I should really get my bag together and ready to go. Have you called Aaron yet?”

“Okay, you go ahead and get your bag, I will come to the door once I arrive. And I have Emily calling Aaron now, okay?”

“Okay, thank you Dave.”

“Of course. I will be there soon.”

Once he hung up the phone, he told Emily to dial Hotch’s number. She didn’t question him but ultimately, she was worried and confused by what was going on. The phone rang four times before Hotch finally answered. When he did, he immediately told Dave that they had a new lead that JJ and Morgan were actively looking into, it had been promising. Dave had to interrupt Aaron’s briefing to let him know that his wife was in labor and that they were currently headed to their house to get her to the hospital.

Aaron felt immediate panic, in more ways than one. First and foremost, his wife was in labor, and she was all alone, second this was a high-risk pregnancy and there was a chance that the four of them might not all make it through this birth, and last, his worlds that he had worked tirelessly to keep apart were officially colliding which meant your safety was now and forever compromised.

Once his brain calmed from the rapid-fire panic, he sprung into action. He’d given clear instructions; Dave was to take you to the hospital in your car while Emily drove the work issued SUV back to Quantico to continue working the case. He told Reid to continue on and if anyone were to ask, inform them that he had a family emergency. While rushing out of work and to his car he called your closest friend/coworker who had been running the café since you’d been on maternity leave, he asked if she could pick up your kids and drop them off with him at the hospital after the shop closes at 2pm. She was quick to agree and wished you a safe birth and claimed she couldn’t wait to meet the 3 peanuts!

Everyone stepped up and went to work on their respective tasks. Dave and you had gotten to the hospital in record time. You were quickly settled in a room and made as comfortable as possible. Aaron arrived with about five seconds to spare. Dave gave him a pat on his shoulder and let him know that he’d be in the waiting room to sit with your kids once they arrived as well as to see his “godchildren”. He claimed it was his right as he was the only one who knew about your relationship. Emily arrived back at Quantico and led the team through the remainder of the case which thankfully was closed within the next hour thanks to that lead JJ and Morgan had been following up on.

The next few hours went by in a flash, the case was closed with families being reunited, Jack and Norah had been dropped off with Dave, Aaron had supported you through what was arguably the most difficult childbirth known to woman (naturally birthing triplets is not recommended nor is it necessarily the safest option – unfortunately you hadn’t had a choice given how far progressed your labor had been when you’d arrived at the hospital), and the BAU team patiently waited for the announcement of your safely completed birth…only that announcement didn’t come. They sat and waited for what felt like hours before Aaron finally came out. He explained that you had hemorrhaged after the babies were delivered, the doctor had told him it had something to do with the placenta having not come out completely. Dave could see how distraught Aaron was…he couldn’t handle not knowing.

Things happened so fast, one minute you were being congratulated on bringing three beautiful babies into the world and the next doctors were scrambling to stop the bleeding. You could feel yourself fading, you had reached out for Aaron, and you were able to hold his hand for a second before he was shooed out of the room. You were taken to surgery so they could effectively stop the bleeding and remove the rest of the placenta. Thankfully surgery hadn’t taken long (to Aaron it had felt like an eternity).

The doctor came out to inform him that you were okay and had been moved to a private room along with your newborns. She explained that you would feel weak for a bit but would make a full recovery. She also let Aaron know that he and the rest of your group could go back to see you as long as they remained at an appropriate volume and that any non-family was gone by 8pm as visiting hours would be over. Aaron looked to his team.

“I know that you are all probably expecting an explanation, and while I do want to give that to you…”

“You want to go see your wife and kids.” Morgan interrupted.

Aaron smiled at how understanding his team was. “Thank you, give us a few minutes alone, then I will come and get everyone.” Aaron said as he reached to pick up Norah with his left arm and grab Jack’s hand with his right.

The team agreed and discussed going to grab snacks and coffee from the cafeteria.

Aaron made his way to your room as quickly as he could with two young children. When he arrived, relief crashed over him in a tidal wave and tears sprung to his eyes. He walked to your bedside, gently placing Norah to sit at your feet. He’d instructed Jack to sit in the chair that was on the opposite side so he would be able to see his new siblings. Aaron leaned in to kiss your forehead all the while he could hear the quiet coo’s coming from the three infants, he walked over to them, and you couldn’t help but smile. As you brushed a hand through Norah’s hair and reached to cup Jack’s cheek, you could hear Aaron whisper to the babies “You just couldn’t wait to meet your family, could you?”.

Aaron and you spent a bit of time just like this, your family, taking turns holding the babies or carefully monitoring your older children while they tried to hold the babies. Norah was elated to have three live baby dolls, while Jack seemed happy that she’d have someone new to bother all the time. Aaron huffed a laugh at their reactions and then looked to you.

“Have you thought about their names anymore?”

“I have…I think after seeing them, and seeing you with them, that they just seem right.”

“Well then, are you ready to meet everyone?”

“Yes!”

With that, Aaron made his way to the waiting room. He could see how antsy his team looked, but he couldn’t delineate if it was from wanting to meet you and the babies or from wanting to hear the story. When he posed the question to them, they had all agreed they wanted to see you and the babies first, then the two of you could explain everything. So that is what led to Aaron leading his six teammates to your room; before entering, he turned to everyone with a finger over his lips signaling for them to enter quietly.

Everyone entered the room, their eyes scanning to see you and the kids chatting quietly. You had looked up and smiled, quietly greeting the group of people you had learned so much about over the last year and a half. Hugs and congratulations were exchanged throughout the room, babies being passed from person to person, chairs being brought in from the hallway. Once everyone was comfortable the room fell silent, you could tell they were waiting for name announcements and more information about you and Aaron. You figured names were an easier start and a much shorter conversation.

“Alright, I suppose it’s time for you all to formally meet these three. Aaron and I have thought long and hard about what to name them and it has proven difficult up until this point. When I saw them for the first time, it all became clear to me. So, without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to David Thomas Hotchner, Millie Joy Hotchner, and Faye Emilia Hotchner.”

There were “ooohs” and “awws” throughout the room and misty eyes (though Dave swears it was an eyelash) There was discussion of who would be the godparents of which baby and plans of baby shopping over the upcoming weekend to make sure they were spoiled by all their new aunts and uncles. The team started to pose some personal questions at you, like if you had siblings or family nearby and what you did for a living and how you met Hotch.

“I guess now’s as good a time as any” you said looking over at Aaron. “The story of us…”

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kedreeva · 5 months ago

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Sorry if this is a silly question or has been already asked (I looked but didn't see it), but what might be the qualitative risk of health consequences associated with the ultramarine? If it's so new and has so few birds, I would think there hasn't been much chance for evidence of linked issues. Related tangent, but how do peafowl peeps balance interest in new color mutations with concern over watching for long-term health ?

So far, no birds have shown any health concerns in ultramarine! It appears to be some kind of axanthism (missing yellows), which is a pretty common mutation in captive animals, and generally harmless. I expect that there won't be any associated health issues- generally if you're going to see them, they're going to happen by the time the bird is hitting maturity (3-6). Peafowl don't tend to decline much with old age, they are more like cats in that respect. They may slow down a little, but they're generally hale and spry until they drop suddenly at the end. It's always possible something develops down the line, but given what we see in axanthism in other animals, it seems unlikely.

Most breeders don't have any kind of quality control in place to check for health problems. I'm not saying it never happens (R&R held onto Amethyst in secret for years now keeping an eye on it, the og UM breeder was holding onto them and only let them go because she was afraid of losing them entirely if something happened and they were only on one farm), but we still have cameo and charcoal because they were let go too soon and weren't watched for health problems. Progressive pied was released because people thought it was another leucistic gene (despite me telling them over and over and over at the time it was vitiligo and would likely present autoimmune issues later.... And then it did. But I was "new" (derisive) and so what did I possibly know (more than them apparently)!).

So the answer is: they're very bad at waiting! They're very bad at checking for health problems and then not reproducing them! Despite raising birds with 20+ year lifespans, they are not that great at planning for the future, and they've traditionally been TERRIBLE at working with other breeders. Typical health watch says you discover a new color, you produce some, you split the babies among 2-3 breeders to make sure no one farm loses the mutation entirely to disaster (illness, fire, storm, injury, predators etc) and you all breed maintenance for around 6 years to watch for issues (which is what Els was doing with them, except she was late with the spreading and nearly found out the hard way why you share ASAP with a couple trusted breeders who can babysit the mutation with you). If you don't see anything by 6 years, it's a pretty safe bet it's going to be fine.

So, in this particular instance, we have birds old ENOUGH that you could expect to have seen health problems if we were going to, and the particular kind of mutation itself is unlikely to be harmful. So at this point it would be a surprise to see anything bad happen with UM.

#peafowl #peafowl genetics #anon asks #asks

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kit-screams-into-the-future · 7 months ago

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a couple of guys have been throwing around doc being ace in the tags of my recent post so naturally. i have thoughts. allow me to subject you to them:

i agree. that man is asexual. clara is also asexual. i would think both of them are a little bit bi as well!

not that either of them think too hard about it though. if you ask them they would say they are 100% attracted to the opposite sex and for the most part that's true. but doc totally had some sort of vaguely homosexual rivalry with another scientist while working on the manhattan project and clara probably had a crush on another girl when she was little. also the 1980s has a lot more Gender than the century previous so once the shock of women wearing pants wears off she's going to be like hold on a sec.... they're kinda cooking in this century

(clara would not use those words in that order fs but that's the only way i can convey that lmao)

none of them would look into those experiences. they'd just assume oh every girl thought this one specific other girl was like super pretty and smart and cool growing up. every scientist has an infuriatingly stubborn yet brilliant and objectively good-looking rival in the same department. that's just how it is!

bisexual tangent over. back to asexualism

doc and clara are more the "enjoy each other's company" couple than anything like sure they'll kiss or whatever and that's nice but they'll have infinitely more fun talking about their interests

they'd probably only get schnasty because they know that's just what couples are meant to do. like they'll try it once and they'll agree it was a solid 7/10 experience but do you know what's a guaranteed 10/10 every time? 49th reread of journey to the centre of the earth!! woohoo!!

which brings me. to the real point of this post. where did jules and verne come from.

as an ace doclara truther i initially subscribed to the "they travelled in time to adopt a couple of orphans who were otherwise going to die and be lost to time" bc it's cute and it's like how doc saved clara so now they're in love. but the more i thought about it i was like hold on. something's up here

because doc spent 10 years building that train so the first thing he'd want to do with it (besides going into the future to get parts for it to fly) is return to let marty know he's alright right. like in the movie sure he picked up einie first but that's bc that's einie

so unless those boys are freshly picked up off the great depression streets logically i do not think that can be the case. as nice as this headcanon is

so my next thought was like ok. we can still make this adoption thing work. maybe these orphans have naturally occurred in the 1880s (<- certainly one of the string of words i have made)

but we know doc. sure he's had his moments of flipping the bird to the space-time continuum but in general he tries his best to keep it intact i think

taking up a blacksmithing job? minor improvements to the lives of the citizens of hill valley. probably not going to cause anything major. also he needs money. marrying a schoolteacher? she was going to fall off a cliff and die originally so it's not like that's going to make anything worse. (although now a lot more kids are literate in this timeline so something is definitely different. but also what is she gonna do, not teach?)

but adopting two kids without knowing their fates beforehand.... risky business. who knows who those two are supposed to be. and it's not like they can pick up two kids who they know for sure would probably pass without their intervention bc doc is a doc from the future but he's not THAT kind of doc from the future.

so with that said. begrudgingly. i think jules and verne are biologically theirs. unfortunate for the adoption headcanons but that's the only logical way i can see it

not to say the adoption headcanons are wrong and bad i just don't know how they could obtain two children without worrying about messing things up. so if anyone has any ideas how please enlighten me

#back to the future #bttf #doc brown #clara clayton #emmett brown #kit yap session #set out to acepost but it ended up being more biposting and also where the hell did these kids come from-posting so. whoops.#someone please poke a hole in my “they have to be their biological kids” reasoning #also! feel free to give your own Ace Thoughts in the notes #or bi thoughts #any thoughts really

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00lunect · 2 months ago

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♪Pumkin, Pumkin♪

Context: Hello world and all who inhabit it! (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧. Yes, me again. I just realized that people here on Tumblr don't like to read unless you grab their attention first, so I wanted to test it out by posting a drawing from the beginning to see how much attention it would get this time. Almost everyone skipped through the unmentionables on my last post, however, the one before that got a bit more attention, so I ended up noticing that the drawing I posted there was visible not long after my rants, so I decided to give it a try this time.

And yes, I know it might be pretty obvious that I have to grab people's attention with something eye-catching first, but I'm still new here on Tumblr, so I'm still learning the ropes. Not to mention I tend to go off on a tangent sometimes.

Anyway, here's my new post! ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧. A new Trolls drawing, this time featuring one of my OCs and a canon character. And in case it didn't seem like it, yes, that's Branch as a kid! I know it looks a little ugly, but I tried to find a middle ground between his kid model from Trolls 1 and his baby model from Trolls 3, but I don't think I pulled it off. (⁠^⁠～⁠^⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ. Anyway, this is my first attempt at drawing Branch as a child, so maybe I'll be better at it in a future drawing.

On the other hand, the baby he's singing to is my OC, Pumkin! :D And well, she's his little sister. XD

I know what you're thinking: What's the context? Well, I mean, Branch has 4 older siblings, so I figured if whoever Brozone's parents were had 5 CHILDREN, why stop at Branch? (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠). So, for Pumkin to exist, I'm relying on the ✨irresponsible parent✨ headcanon. You know, the one where it says Rosiepuff's son or daughter only came to her house to leave the eggs they had on their adventures because they didn't want to take care of them, so they left them to poor Rosiepuff to raise.

Pumkin was the last egg left by this mysterious parent. A few months after Brozone separated and Branch's siblings left him alone, during the night, the aforementioned mysterious parent appeared and left Pumkin's egg on the couch. Branch found it not long after, and well, he became a big brother. :)

Because in my humble opinion, Branch would make an awesome older brother, if a considerable amount of AUs and ideas I've come across are any indication. Besides, Branch also deserves a savage little sister to help him deal with being the town pariah.

But those details are for another post. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. For now, I'll leave it at that.

If you're curious about what Pumkin looks like as an adult or at other stages of her life, here's her character sheet!

And here's a bonus doodle:

Translation:

Pumkin (Newborn?): *ready for chaos*

Branch (in overprotective older brother mode): "Pumkin has been my little sister for 10 minutes, but if anything were to happen to her, I'll kill everyone in this room, and then myself"

P.S: The song Branch is singing is "Pumpkin" by The Regrettes. It's a romantic song, but I think with a couple of tweaks, it could easily be about platonic love. Or at least I think so. ╮⁠(⁠＾⁠▽⁠＾⁠)⁠╭

#Spotify #art #dreamworks trolls #original art #oc #pop trolls #trolls oc #pumpkin #trolls branch #canon character #sibblings #aún estoy pensando en como llamar a esto #baby #kid #trolls #trolls baby #baby Pumkin #Kid Branch

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edamameiyok · 30 days ago

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ive been getting a lot of stuff in my inbox abt the ai situation that’s been going on all over my tl and i jus decided to make a post abt it with my thoughts:

i do not know if i ever read the work by the writer or interacted with them, and if i did, i really cant remember lol but if what’s being said is true then tbh that’s really disheartening to hear.

as someone whose future career opportunities may potentially be taken by ai, it fucking sucks. it takes a HUGE chunk of my time to create visuals for my job rn and also write in my free time. so, i get it, it’s a lot of work to sit down and write an entire fic. but if writing is something you genuinely enjoy and like doing, you end up finding that rhythm and become so much better at it with time! dont use a cop out like ai just for a couple of notes and engagement.

like i said idk if i ever read that writer’s work, but if they ever decide to come back, i think this is a great learning opportunity for them to reflect on and understand that writing takes a lot of effort and a lot of heart. and from what ive been seeing, our little writing community would be more than happy to give suggestions and help out if needed!

anyway, i know that was long and a bit of a tangent but ive been trying to find the right words and collect my thoughts without sounding rude or patronizing. anywho, and that’s how SUE c’s it!

#ryu yaps

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polutrope · 5 months ago

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Daeron's Foresight

Instead of working on one of my myriad ideas and projects that might actually yield a Product, here's an unsolicited overview of why I headcanon that Daeron is foresighted, or at least a bit of an oddball seer-type.

His mentor is (not explicitly in canon but quite naturally) Melian, not only the most gifted of the Maiar in "songs of enchantment" (also like Daeron) but one known to foresee the future and cultivate this gift in her mentees (e.g., Galadriel)

Association with Music (and water: "made lament beside dark waters") in Tolkien lends itself to greater access to the Meaning of the Universe™ past/present/future, given it all began with a Song.

This passage in Lay of Leithian (Canto V). Thingol has just summoned Daeron to ask him why everything has fallen silent in Doriath (it's because Daeron cast a spell of silence upon seeing Luthien with Beren).

... Daeron coming no word spoke, silent amid the woodland folk. Then Thingol said: 'Oh Daeron fair, thou master of all musics rare, enchanted heart and wisdom wild, whose ear nor eye may be beguiled, who all that passes in this land dost ever heed and understand, what omen doth this silence bear? What horn afar upon the air, what summons do the woods await? Mayhap Lord Tavros from his gate and tree-propped halls, the forest-god, rides his great stallion golden-shod amid the trumpets' tempest loud, amid his green-clad hunters proud, leaving his deer and friths divine and emerald forests? [...] Would it were so! An age now hath gone by since Nahar trod this earth in days of our peace and ancient mirth, ere rebel lords of Eldamar pursuing Morgoth from afar brought war and ruin to the North. Doth Tavros to their aid come forth? But if not he, who comes, or what?' And Daeron said: 'He cometh not. No feet divine shall leave that shore where the Outer Seas' last surges roar, 'till many things be come to pass, and many evils wrought. Alas, the guest is here. The woods are still, but wait not; for a marvel chill them holds at the strange deeds they see, though king sees not - yet queen, maybe, can guess, and maiden doubtless knows who ever now beside her goes.'

First of all, there's Thingol's intriguing way of addressing him, "who all that passes in this land / dost ever heed and understand / what omen doth this silence bear?" which gives strong "you have above-average insight" vibes (don't ask me why he doesn't ask his wife -- we all know there's something Weird going on with the Melian/Thingol/Insight situation). The last part is straight-up asking him to read an omen.

Then Thingol goes off on this tangent about Orome (Tavros) returning, and the hooves of Nahar, and oh that the Valar would come deliver them from Morgoth! and Daeron has this unhinged response. "He cometh not." Can you just imagine that three-worder landing like a brick after Thingol's florid speech? And he goes on to explain himself in these cryptic terms, "'till many things be come to pass, / and many evils wrought." I mean, sure, this could be humorously dismissed with a "No shit, Daeron" but I think he knows a little more about those Things and Evils than he lets on. Then he follows this up with a riddle -- very oracular behaviour -- about Beren's presence in Doriath.

Anyway, I just think Daeron is neat. And even neater if he knew all along, like Melian, that Something was going to happen with Luthien. But, unlike Melian, he does not handle its actual happening with the calm (if grief-laden) acceptance of a god who sang the world into being. He spirals, because his worst predictions are coming true and that means all the rest of it is going to come true also and he just LOSES it and wanders off on "strange paths". That's all we get of him in Silm, but in Leithian there's more. His behaviour is erratic, first "haunting the gloom of tangled trees" and getting enraged when he sees Beren and Luthien together; but then when he's about to divulge to Thingol, he sees Luthien's eyes and won't; then Luthien confides her hope to flee to him, and Daeron spills those beans to Thingol; then he regrets that and actually facilitates her escape. Then he joins a search party to look for her and ... disappears.

His is not the mere despair of a jilted lover: it is the despair of someone who sees the full horror of the future rolling in and can do nothing to stop it; nothing to stop the destruction and death of all that is beautiful (embodied in Luthien, but existing in everything) in the world.

#daeron #headcanons #not projecting existential dread onto my blorbo absolutely not #who would do that #it's right there in the text see

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e-squared-what-is-my-life · 2 months ago

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I love the dynamic of the enas with Taski maiden and coral, I’d love to see more of it!

Take More Taskicoral! Watch Them Coexist With the Enasquared Lovelies! 💞

"Do you think I should wear my regular sweater or a dress?"

Coral sighed and looked up at Taski, doing all she could to keep from smiling as the shorter woman posed in front of a full-body mirror. The day so far had been incredibly boring, according to Taski, and it needed something to spice things up! Taski had gone on a minute long tangent about how important it was for her to put every bit of effort into pleasing Coral, and while it was incredibly sweet, it was also somewhat concerning.

'I believe Taski is getting lost in her head again.' Coral kept her eye shifting between her phone and Taski, waiting for a response from the bouncy ENA she'd come to know as a decently close friend.

'Oh no! What happened? Is she okay? Do you need me and RENA to come over???' ENA texted back, each question accentuated with a loud Ping!

'Calm down, ENA, it's okay. She's just a little nervous about this little meetup. She might try to fight your girlfriend. Again.'

'Wife.'

...

'WHAT?' Coral Glasses practically shoved her face against her phone screen, waiting impatiently for ENA's explanation.

'Yeah! RENA proposed yesterday while we were at dinner with Shepherd and Merci! I can't wait to show you two the ring! It's positively darling!'

Coral fanned her face, gasping with no real intent to say anything and pulling Taski close. She buried her face into Taski's sweater, screaming into the fabric for an ungodly amount of time.

"Should... Should I be concerned about this?" Taski asked, the concern clear in her voice.

"RENA proposed." Coral squeaked, unsurprised by Taski's scream of dismay. "ENA says the ring is gorgeous..."

"Oh! I'll show that ENA! She thinks she can best me by proposing first?! HAH! I'll profess my love to you so well, no one will know what hit them! Not even me!" Taski shouted, tackling Coral and kissing her with intense excitement.

Coral whimpered and moaned into the kiss, feeling her skin prickle in both the best and worst of ways. Taski's seemingly constant need for physical contact actually helped to improve Coral's social anxiety, something that the quiet woman found herself absolutely adoring.

"I'm gonna make a wife outta you and outdo ENA at the same time!" Taski huffed, smiling triumphantly at Coral's loving giggle. "Step one complete! I have you successfully wooed!"

"You certainly do." Coral agreed, humming as she pulled Taski into another, calmer kiss. They both giggled as the kiss ended, content to lay on the bed until time for their meet-up with the ENAs.

Worrying about being late was a chore for future them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're late. Did something happen?"

Taski grunted, puffing out her chest to try and look tougher. "Nothing could ever happen to my precious Coral without me doing something about it!"

"Izzat why you look like you were just thrown into a lake?" RENA snorted, chuckling at ENA's gentle scolding slap to the arm. "Alright, alright. Forgive me, I'm just riding a high."

"So I've been told." Coral hummed, sitting down in the chair Taski pulled out for her. She blushed as the chair was pushed back in, gently swatting at Taski's gleeful kisses. "Darling, we just got here."

"Yeah, can't you wait at least ten minutes before you subject us to your affection?" RENA asked, smirking as Taski flipped her off. "Back atcha short stack!"

"Oh, you two." ENA sighed, grasping RENA's hand and using her free hand to sip at the tea she and RENA had ordered. "Coral, you simply MUST taste this tea. This is the only teahouse in the Third Ring that makes it perfectly."

Coral nodded, eager to see what her friend was currently indulging in. ENA's sudden interest in exotic tea and anything related was the only reason they were all meeting up. RENA had offered to take ENA to a well-known teahouse, and ENA invited Coral and Taski as a friendly gesture.

Relationship building is what she called it, if Coral remembered correctly.

"What kind is it?" Taski asked, leaning forward and nearly toppling the table thanks to the awkward angle she’d ended up in. She took a deep breath and stood still for a moment before huffing. "Is that Sencha?"

ENA nodded excitedly, starting a tangent about how fascinating the tea making process was and gasping with delight as Taski added her own knowledge of the craft. The duo then began a deep conversation about tea, tea leaves, the best dishware to drink from, etc.

"You following any of this?" RENA asked Coral, humming as the latter helplessly shrugged. "I'm marrying a tea nerd."

"I guess I'm lucky I'm just dating one." Coral joked, smiling mischievously as Taski took a moment to gently tap her shoulder. "Joking, dear."

"Mhm." Taski replied, narrowing her eyes suspiciously for just a moment before returning to her conversation with ENA as if they’d never stopped.

"Gosh, I love her." RENA quietly hummed, her smile wobbly and absolutely smitten.

"I know what you mean." Coral agreed, looking to Taski as if she was the sun to Coral's moon. Opposites that represent different things, but in the end compliment each other because of the lives they save. "I think we got the lucky end of the stick this time."

#ENA #ENA Joel G #ENA Dream BBQ #Enasquared #Taski Maiden #Coral Glasses #Taskicoral #Taski Maiden x Coral Glasses #Don't Ask Me to Write Taskicoral Smut #I Won't be Able to Stop Myself

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lightlycareless · 6 months ago

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I was thinking about your last few asks that mentioned Maki and Mai(How Naoya isn’t that close with them and how they always get Y/N to get stuff for them). I was thinking what if there was a time where Y/N was like ‘I want to go to Disneyland’ or something and Naoya Ofc is like ‘Anything for my queen’ only to realize that Y/N was setting it up as trip for Mai and Maki to attend as well(How she convinced Junko to let them go Idk 💀 the only way I could see it happening is if it was like a bday present for them and Junko was feeling a little bad for them considering most of the clan wouldn’t even acknowledge the day for them). I can imagine Naoya going along with it since he already agreed to do this for Y/N but just kinda stewing in his feelings about how his date with Y/N turned into babysitting his cousins at a theme park. I can see him maybe loosening up a little seeing how happy Y/N is to do this for them(depending on when this takes place, maybe it makes Naoya think about how Y/N would be with their own children in the future, although Y/N and the twins I believe was mentioned to have a more older sister younger sisters vibe but let me dream for a moment lol).

This also kinda gives me the idea of what it would be like if Naoya and Y/N had to babysit a kid for like a day or so and gives them a glimpse of what having a child together would be like before they’ve had kids. Idk who that random kid would be tho lol. Maybe even HS au where Y/N and Naoya get paired to take care of one of those fake babies XD

Sorry I got off on a tangent, I’m obsessed and Naoya and Y/N so I think about a lot of situations they can get into. You don’t have to write any of they don’t strike your fancy Ofc but I still wanted to share. Sorry for rambling >.<

Hello!!

How y'all manage to hit the nail on the head with certain scenarios has me baffled, and so happy hahahaha I'm so in love with this idea; just anything Disney makes me all giddy inside, I really do love imagining scenarios where Y/N is going to the park with Naoya as a couple, or when they go with their kids and such... just those little things with their family 🥺 ajhgajghjas ugh, it warms my heart.

The taking care of a kid together reminds me of those typical school assignments where you have to take care of an egg???? Or maybe that was just me, but I'm sure you know what I mean XD so imma write something of the topic set on a hs au :)

For now, let's enjoy Naoya's plans being foiled when he takes you to Disney... but you decide to bring along Mai and Maki lol.

warnings: fluff. it says tokyo disneyland but it's based on my experience which is the california park :') i'm sorry. naoya get's all sensitive at the thought of you.

Happy reading!!

Naoya was all too aware of one of your biggest dreams, it’s been so for as long as he can remember, as well as the reason behind all his recent efforts: to take you to Disneyland on your birthday.

He wants to take you to all of them eventually, of course; in due time there will not be a park that you hadn’t enjoyed—however, before he takes it to the next level, he rightfully assumed Tokyo was a nice spot to start.

“Y/N, are you going to do anything for your birthday?” Naoya asks, as smoothly as he could—attempting to hide the excitement this whole ordeal brought him. It’s essentially a date!

“Hmmm, I don’t know. I’ll probably just go out to eat, why?”

“Clear up your schedule, we’re going to Disneyland.”

“Oh my God, are you being serious right now?!” you gasp, his heart skipping a bit at the way your eyes twinkled, it’s just the kind of admiration that makes his ego grow bigger—more so if it comes from you. “Naoya, that is—thank you so much!”

However, his satisfaction wouldn’t last long the moment you prompted the question of being allowed to bring someone else. At first, he thought it would be one of your pestering friends, which he was okay with to some degree, it was your birthday after all and there was nothing else that he wanted more than to make you happy…

But when he learned you planned to invite his cousins, all he could think was “really?”

Of all people… his annoying 8-year-old cousins.

“Are you excited to go to Disney for the first time in your lives?!” You tried to hype Mai and Maki along as Naoya dejectedly drove towards the destination, keeping himself entertained with a much different scenario in his mind. Anything to ignore his current predicament.

“Yes!” They cried back with a wide smile on their faces, as expected.

“What is Disneyland like?” Maki asks. “What is there??”

“It’s better if I don’t spoil you, just wait and see!”

Though there isn’t much spoiling left to be done, Naoya considers, given how his date with you is effectively overridden by their presence, demanding that your attention be solely placed on him—the only consideration he seems to be given is when being asked how many were in your party, and sitting arrangements once in the rides.

It made his efforts undeniably futile, and was very near to giving up entirely whatever he had planned for the day…

Until a certain sight proves him wrong.

Naoya couldn’t care less about his irritating cousins, and while not justified, they hadn’t been the easiest to get along with either —there’s not a moment they don’t take to mock him, surely at one point that ought to irritate anyone— however, to see you fret about their safety, their appearance as you thread back locks of their hair back in place, even wonder what they’d like to eat as while gently holding onto their hands as the two walked across the park…

Something about it makes his heart warm up; must be the comparison to your surroundings, how it made you blend in with the other families and make it seem as if they were your kids.

His children.

He becomes a bit more willing after that just to entertain that sweet thought a bit longer, obliging to buy all the things you wanted, even if they were to end on Mai and Maki’s hands at the end. In fact, Naoya’s energy was redirected in keeping you and his cousins rightfully satisfied, when he once scowled at the faintest semblance of a request from their part, he was now suggesting experiences the three might find enjoyable.

“If we go now, we might be able to find good spots.” Naoya says in reference to the upcoming parade. “Or I can go ahead while you look around or go on another ride.”

“Are you sure, Naoya? I wouldn’t like you to feel left out…” you murmur.

“It’s fine, prin— Y/N.” he coughs, the twins raise an eyebrow. “Go have fun.”

“Why are you being so nice out of the sudden, Naoya??” Maki, unable to hide her… confusion, points out, making Naoya fluster.

“Because it’s her birthday!” he frowns. “Which should be enough reason for the two of you to behave as well, instead of being the spoiled brats you usually are!”

“Naoya!” you gasp.

“…I mean—just—let’s just have fun.” Naoya spluttered, making you and the twin’s chuckle.

Which is how the rest of the evening proceeded, with samples of all the food both found appetizing, alongside purchases of things that were to undoubtedly preserve this moment for years to come, and of course, pictures, lots of them, with you, Mai and Maki, in every iconic landscape with those equally memorable Mickey ears that Naoya found quite adorable on you; because it represented your happiness.

A job well done on his part, just what he wanted for you on your special day.

And once everything was done, the girls tired and you satisfied, it was finally time to go back home. Naoya helped you carry the only one of the twins that was too exhausted to make the way back to the car, while you held the other by the hand—a lovely sight he didn’t know he wanted to partake in until now… imagining them instead as both little girls that looked just like you; daughters that would take after your loving demeanor.

Your enjoyment of sweets, of places like these that he’d turn into some kind of yearly family holiday just to see them happy. Already hearing their adorable pleas, demanding their papa take them to greet their favorite character—a princess perhaps, though they were the only princesses he could discern—or try out one of the many snacks.

“Now, now darlings; don’t overwhelm your papa.” You’d caution, gently taking the hand of your youngest before heading to him, offering him a bite of the churros you just bought for them, and him gladly taking it. “Is it good? Do you like it?”

“It’s… different.” He says. “I don’t mind the texture.”

“I’m glad—oh! Wait.” You then proceed to wipe the leftovers in the corner of his mouth, a moment that leads the two to stare at each other for a few seconds, a smile parting both of their lips as they realize how blessed they were to be here, with your daughters. Together.

Happy.

In love.

…

When the time is right.

Only with you.

“Do you need anything else? Food, medicine? Are you feeling alright?”

“It’s ok, Naoya, just tired. You don’t need to do anything else… what you’ve done is more than enough.” You say, looking back at the twins to find them soundly asleep; they were knocked out the moment they arrived at your shared hotel room—certainly, today had been a long day for everyone. “It was fun.”

“I’m glad.” He responds, feeling the tiniest sting of disappointment, perhaps expecting you’d be willing to do something else with him before the night ends, a moment of privacy between the two…

But he soon learns that you weren’t far off from his desires, given how you carefully placed your hand over his chest and leaned upwards to place a kiss on his cheek, your gesture flaring Naoya’s cheeks immediately after, more so at the following.

“Maybe next time… it could just be the two of us.” You murmur. “I’d like it to be just the two of us.”

“I can—I can arrange that.” Naoya breathes, nodding.

“It’s a date, then.” You smile. “Goodnight, Naoya. See you tomorrow for breakfast.”

“Goodnight, princess.” He smirks, the nickname he’s been holding off to say finally making its way past his lips and making you blush; quickly turning around out of embarrassment, ready to head back to bed… before decidedly returning to him and placing a chaste kiss on his lips. Now it’s his moment to turn bright red. “Y/N—”

“Just something to look forward to.” You murmur. “If… it’s not too much.”

“No, it’s not. Actually, it’s… perfect.” As always.

Naoya could wait a bit thinking about a family.

For now, he just wants to love you.

It can be somewhat read like Naoya and Y/N aren't officially dating quite yet.............................................. or maybe you're just shy because Mai and Maki are there and they're like 1000000% little devils when it comes to teasing you about your BOYFRIEND with coincidentally is the dork of a cousin they have. Aw 🥹

Also, the whole thing did make me wonder how Junko would even allow this to happen.............. you must've sworn to do something crazy lol. "Fine, I'll marry Naoya if you let me take the girls to Disney." type of thing, when outside of the crazy canon and Naoya is a bit calmer, Junko always struck me as the type to look out for him one way or the other more than his own uncle!!! (she fears you'll hurt him lol)

Anyways, it was a treat writing this and now I want to write little Naomi going on an amusement park with her parents... which will happen but not on Disney, we all know she a puroland fan 😏

Thank you so much ❤️ Now, take care and hope to see you soon!!

#ask #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #prompt series: jujutsu kaisen

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m-s-justice · 3 months ago

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once again posting meta. I wanna munch on the cycle. have lunch with me. TL;DR I think the Cycle is fundamentally flawed and fails as a narrative tool.

so like. is it necessary? I know that sounds stupid but let me yap. So, to rephrase "is it necessary?" to a more specific "what does it do for the narrative?" it pays off origins (and DE, to some extent) like obviously it's a loop we saw their statues. and we have hindsight. but what does it actually do?

Read More because this is LOOOOOOOONG I'm not exaggerating ↓

Time loops are stagnancy. Cycles usually entail a sort of inevitability that's born out of either immutable fate or one's own actions. In very interesting stories, it's usually both. It's usually a device that forcefully makes the character that's looping Go Through Stuff. Sometimes it's recognizing the fault in your actions, giving the character a new zest for life, sometimes it's a "man wouldn't it be fucked up if you were in a loop" but most of the time it's metaphorical for something!

what purpose does the Cycle serve? what is the Cycle saying or doing or representing?

fuuuuck if I know!

Let's see what actions put the bo3 cast into the loop!

They drink the blood of the mobsters to avoid getting wiped from existence by Monty. Richtofen planned this specifically, so to some extent the loop is intentional.

but like. why is that necessary? why is that the mechanism by which they preserve themselves? why would Monty ever consider wiping them if he's omniscient (to a degree) and knows it's a time loop because by definition them being in the past has Already Happened. But let's go a step further. Why Loop At All?

it complicates more than it preserves because the circumstances of the loop are not perfect. They Change things that cannot be undone by Monty simply moving them back through time and space to set up their future - past journey.

Do the kids in the house cease to exist once revelations is over? And "dimensional fracture" can only really be done once since they are entire universes with histories even if they diverge, they retroactively have always existed. The "shattering" cannot be a sort of "shatter-verse" where the off shoot parallel dimensions exist only as shards and reflections of the Original Timeline, because the universes existed before that as infinite worlds seeded with different potential via the Summoning Key by the uh I forgot it's name so I'll Elden Ring it up and call it the One Great from which all things originate. So the dimensional fractures were created the very first time Ultimis Richtofen was killed and then retroactively Always Existed and will thus continue to until... Nikolai Agarthans on his Device until he Elaborate Murder-Suicide

So like ok tangent over about that but what I'm getting at here is that the sequence of events that happen are Continuous and Circuitous. They have Already Happened, are currently Happening, and will Happen in the Future. Sofia getting sent to Revelations and dying with Maxis happens. But why would she reappear again if in the past, she's already been sent away by your past selves? Is she part of the loop? I wouldn't think so because she's not Primis. Why does Samantha cry out for help if she already knows she's never leaving the House because Revelations has happened billions of times and will happen billions more? and if Samantha is "reset" so to speak, that makes no fucking sense. Her Entry into the House is entirely unrelated to the Loop. She's put there by Ultimis Maxis and stays there until Revelations//AO. Her time there is strictly linear from her perspective. but if that's the case, why does everything get reset? I doubt it's Monty doing that because... that's not really what he does?

Monty is an interesting critter. He is essentially God, particularly the Christian one as the text itself alludes to. All powerful, omniscient, yet abides by the concept of "free will" and so he's marked by passive action. Nudges, influences, little hidden messages sneaked in to give you a clue, his presence implied on maps by a red scarf as opposed to the Shadow Man who boldly and bodily appears whenever he's able to. As seen with Primis, any direct action he takes must be subtle. unnoticeable. Hence why he loops them, so that it "works out perfectly". He wouldn't just upturn all of the fractures because wouldn't that impede on the people's inside of them? their "free will"? their existences are just as real as their originators. Monty wouldn't interfere with it by virtue of his own self imposed limitations.

but like ok whatever shut up justice and get to the point. Is the loop necessary?

I don't think so. It muddies the plot. And I'm fine with time loops as a concept, I am a Homestuck fan, but this one feels... sloppy. The small ones that happen, like Richtofen giving blood to his past self, that feels fine because it's a perfect loop. His own future seeds his past and vice versa. Nothing else is affected, other than the consequences of the loop that are his friends now knowing looping is possible and that he's now in possession of the blood.

But ok ok so what? it's a bit of a sloppy narrative but that's the point. the Loop sucks. that's why bo4 is about breaking it. because ending the loop is the other half of the narrative. Looping is a set piece, a set up, an instrument meant to push the narrative, breaking it, or just escaping it, is the narrative payoff, the completion of the arc.

so how does the loop break? A random guy that our crew has never once talked to nor even know exists manages to break his own, very literally rewriting fate.

Wow that is fucking ass. And not just because of the retcon of MotD, which I am very depressed about, but narratively speaking? for our protagonists? it sucks. they didn't do it, the breaking of the loop just happens to them. Richtofen doesn't sacrifice himself and cements, at least this version of himself, as the selfless, "nicest one", but because he's forced to do it by fate. It's not his choice, he was backed into a corner. it's either die one time and everyone else escapes or everyone dies infinitely. easy option.

but even from a Watsonian perspective, it fails. BotD is a "trap" to kill Richtofen? Well, in the LITERAL SAME MAP another Richtofen shows up and replaces him. Like... why is that even allowed? Why would the Warden or the Shadow Man just allow popsicle Richtofen to stay there? if you wanted to kill him, then just turn off the pod. that makes it so he, inevitably, dies there since all past Richtofens will eventually become that Future Richtofen via Revelations which is now no longer a viable path, then you kill the sole current one via the dark mechanism. boom. Edward dead, just like you wanted.

it's just so shit. It doesn't push the themes, it doesn't make any sense for people who interact with the loop, and breaking it was via the most contrived asspull imaginable that doesn't even have the guts to give the consequences of the map any weight.

I love this story and it's characters but I will never pretend that it's a masterpiece, or even well written. Does anyone want to share what Primis was doing while Richtofen was looping for years? Does anyone want to talk about why Monty is evil and somehow corrupted by the Dark Aether despite never interacting with it? Or how Samantha's Aether powers persisted in BO4 despite being "purified" by Monty and being allowed into the New Universe because of said purity? or why Richtofen had to collect his child self's soul, but it was apparently okay to collect the adult versions of Ultimis even though we know both Dempsey and that version of Takeo were experimented on by 115 and were thereby equally "tainted"? Why was Victis looping in Die Rise?

yet again I stand alone, gazing through my bleak window, painted in drops of falling rain. "No one understands", I murmur. I am left with the silence with my musings with the only response being that of the singing water playing a melody on the glass.

#cod zombies #codz #call of duty zombies #another justice essay goddamn it #anyway please engage with this please I'm not crazy #I know it's long and really really deep lore at times but please you have to critically engage with me please #I know I said a lot of confusing timey-wimey stuff but bear with me #all that being said: Edward should thank God I'm not his writer because I would 100% kill my darling #and also just give him less screentime

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shadysubject06 · 5 months ago

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So I finally saw Sonic 3 last night and I am so....mixed.

This is gonna be a VERY long ramble and definitely will not cover all of my thoughts but I really need to write just any of it down because I cannot rant to myself for another 3 hours.

Firstly, Shadow

Every scene of Shadow is perfect. Period. The fact that he did the first chase on a motorcycle, the fact that he didn't need the motorcycle, the fact that he teleports the motorcycle in the air next to a skyscraper - used his power to make the motorcycle stick to the building so he could ride it up the side - THEN Akira slid off the top and used the motorcycle as a platform to launch himself from?

Perfect.

An element of Shadow that's not utilized as much as it should be is how specifically his "effortless coolness" happens. Sonic will do Extra shit either because it's fun, or because it's cool. Shadow just Does It, and you don't know if he's doing it to be cool or because he just sees something he can use and uses it. There's also how he chose to pick off Team Sonic one by one in the GUN base. He stands in the dark until Knuckles sees him just to scare him, he floats behind Stone and Tails silently with glowing red eyes (can he do that by choice since they didn't glow while sneaking up on Knux?), and while he does take down Sonic much more seriously all of this is still important. Because it shows pieces of how Shadow can be playful in how he does things. He doesn't emote facially or vocally, but he'll still act in a way that's clearly done just to fuck with people. He could have been a bit of a trickster in the past, it's still present in the present, and it can be something he embraces more in the future. (Small Tangent) I know that the Twitter Takeover's are kinda ooc, but they really do feel like a natural development for Shadow's character after all of the trauma and amnesia has been addressed. He thinks he's cooler than everyone, states it as a fact, riles up Sonic for fun, and would still kill and die for any of the cast. He's an opposite to Sonic in attitude but not morals. He feels like a Lego Batman type, with "I'm the Ultimate Lifeform" being his "I'm Batman" where it's not a satisfying answer...but it really is the only one. (tangent over)

The new backstory could have worked really well. I was very surprised by just how much they gutted his og origins, and it lowkey did hurt a bit, but the new backstory isn't bad, just badly executed. Shadow's not a lab experiment created to cure Maria's terminal illness. He was found in a meteor and brought to a GUN lab where they could run tests. Gerald was the head scientist and Maria was there because "he brings her everywhere". Gerald's attachment to Maria is barely touched on other than her death being the reason he wants to kill everyone. He takes her everywhere but we see no scenes of them interacting until her death. Shadow's backstory is told through one exposition dump, one montage flashback, and a final flashback that's just how Maria died. There is so little Shadow in this movie I can't understand it. The exposition dump is done by the Olive Garden Military Guy from Sonic 1. He tells team Sonic that a meteor crashed in Oklahoma years ago, and inside was "a lifeform. The Ultimate Lifeform." He says that they found that Shadow had a huge amount of unstable Chaos energy, and the visuals show that they siphoned it from him by having him run in circles in a giant circular room. We also see his energy filling up a canister. And you need to remember that and what it looks like for the final flashback. But with THIS it's very clear how dehumanized the military is towards Shadow. He's basically running on a hamster wheel. And in the Maria Bonding Flashback Montage, it looks like they would just stick Shadow in tubes of water when they weren't doing tests. There's also another scene where scientists have sensor things on him, and Maria sneaks in and helps him sneak out so that they can have fun. And if there was MORE of that, it would make Maria's presence more impactful. She's not a sick girl trapped in space and slowly dying. (THERE IS NO SPACE COLONY ARK, THEY'RE IN A BUNKER LAB THAT'S FRONT DOOR IS AT GROUND LEVEL) Maria is instead, a normal girl, who just wants to have fun with him and treat him like a friend. They watch a Godzilla-esque movie that says "Beware the Alien Freak", and Shadow gets a horrified look on his face. And in the next convo they have he asks her if she thinks he's dangerous. This is set-up for something the movie never executes. Because in flashback 3, Maria's death, it's Shadow's POWER that kills her. The bullet meant for her misses and hits a container, and if you remember the exposition dump from Olive Garden Guy, and remember what that container looks like, you'll realize what it is. It's Shadow's unstable chaos energy, it gets knicked by the gunshot, explodes, and that's what kills Maria. And am I saying that the movie should have pointed out that it was Shadow's power that caused the explosion? No! But considering how much the movie flops from filler to "direct answer exposition that just tells you what happens", it's just so confusing to finally see something subtle, and it's something that should have been much bigger. Especially because Shadow's main turmoil is 1, he considers himself a dangerous alien, and 2, he's acting on pain and grief that's been stewing for 50 years. But there's a moment that's supposed to play on this directly and obviously, and it's done SO BADLY Also Shadow takes off his inhibitor rings at the end but the movie hasn't even mentioned them, so if you don't know any Shadow lore it means absolutely nothing.

I need to go on a longer rant about the WHOLE GUN HQ SEgMENT, but I'll focus just on the Walters/Olive Garden guy part. The movie made it so that he was a GUN agent stationed at the lab studying Shadow, and even made it where he was there to witness Shadow big put into stasis (That scene? Shadow is conscious and trapped in a tube while it fills with water. That is the energy they needed for the entirety of his backstory). Walters even was a good military goon who tried to stop one out of like 10 guys from firing on "children" (Shadow and Maria) implying that he saw Shadow as a child. But I do not fall for the good guy military shit so boohoo I guess. BIG THING IS?? YOUNG WALTERS LOOKS LIKE TOM. I thought it was James Marsden playing him at first. And remember in the first movie Tom said that a Wachowski has been Green Hills' sherif for 50 years and we all thought Tom was descended from the guy who shot Maria? Yeah that apparently meant nothing. But there's a scene where it SHOULD HAVE BEEN I SWEAR TO GOD Tom is disguised as old Walters, Shadow sees him and assumes that he's Walters The Young Guy Who Froze Me (and he also needs to steal a thing he's holding), and rocks Tom's shit. The disguise powers off and Shadow sees that it's Tom. Sonic pulls up, freaks out, Shadow is reminded of himself when Maria died, and looks sad before resigning to his actions with the "What I had to" line. Because this is supposed to read as Shadow going "I really am a dangerous thing, I've the same grief I have onto Sonic." EXCEPT THAT DOESN'T WORK IF SHADOW WAS INTENTIONALLY ATTACKING THAT OLD MAN. HIM NOT BEING TO OLD MAN HE MEANT TO FUCK UP DOESN'T CHANGE THAT. HE WOULD HAVE PUNCHED AN OLD GUY TO THE HOSPITAL IF IT WAS WALTERS, IT NOT BEING WALTERS DOESN'T SUDDENLY MAKE SHADOW BAD OR EVIL. Because what SHOULD have happened is that Tom doesn't reactivate the disguise before Shadow shows up. He looks like himself. And when Shadow sees Tom in a GUN uniform, looking like young Walters, he gets a flashback of being trapped in the stasis tube as it fills with water - Young Walters staring at him from across the room. Because he's reliving it, he punches forward, trying to break out, and punches Tom on accident. Shadow then grounds himself, realizes where he is, and sees that Tom isn't Walters. Sonic shows up, gets upset that his dad got his shit wrecked, and Shadow is now faced with "even when trying to protect myself I cause pain to others. I really am dangerous", which THEN makes the fact that he tries to goad Sonic into killing him in the final battle hit that much WORSE because not only is that Shadow telling Sonic to give into his revenge and grief, but it's Shadow saying "kill me, I deserve it." And I have many more thoughts but I needed to get that out.

#Sonic 3 #sonic movie 3 #sonic the hedgehog #sonic series #shadow the hedgehog

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