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moonshineplaydate · 1 month ago

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~~A Hand To Hold~~

Characters: Little! Rika, with Caregivers Ai, Momo and Neiru.

Summary: After being left at home again by her mother, Rika’s down in the dumps and ends up regressing. She calls her friends to take care of her.

Warning: Agere Fic, Parental Neglect, Mommy Issues, Descriptions of Self Harm marks, (please let a girl know if she missed anything)

Word Count: 7091

“Oh, by the way, I’m going out again tonight.” Chiaka called out dejectedly through the kitchen, tagging it on like it was unimportant. Maybe it should be, Rika thought, it was more common these days that her mom would spend more time out the house than in it. What was one more day to add to the list?

Rika had only just managed to get down the stairs, her slippers kicking up a storm of dust beneath her feet, and meander into their kitchen which had accumulated a grotesque amount of dishes stacked up one after the other, before her mother bluntly shattered any last semblance of sleep out of her. But Rika still felt tired. Or rather empty, unwilling to muster up any sort of feeling; she’d already spent so much of her life being angry at her mother, it was like she’d ran out of rage to give. Her mom always told her that growing old would make her crueler, fatter, uglier. Hollow. She thought she had at least a few more years left before she’d be left with emptiness.

“Oh,” Rika sounded out, “where are you going?” To which, Chiaka sighed, as if answering her own daughter was beneath her.

“You remember that guy who came round the house last week? My new boyfriend?” She said it as if should’ve been obvious from the start, maybe it should’ve been. Rika could hardly blame herself for that one though, Chiaka had a new boyfriend round the house a month ago, and then the month before that. It seemed like all she could do nowadays was bring in strangers to her home, to try and artificially create human interaction.

Since obviously, Rika wasn’t enough for that.

“Oh,” Rika sounded once more, her throat feeling unnaturally dry and hoarse. She mentally cursed herself for that, this had happened dozens of times before and she’d only gotten blubbery over it the first few instances. There wasn’t any need to start sobbing over the fact that her mother had her own life. One without her in it. She was just being dramatic, she told herself, she never needed her mom before and she didn’t need her now.

Definitely not.

“What should I do when your gone?” That was the polite, subtle way of asking her mom if she’d leave any food out for her, or even just some money to order something. It was a habit she’d grown into, directly asking her for anything would result in some comment over how spoiled Rika was getting, and that’s she’s a big girl now who didn’t need her mom to take care of her. Unfortunately, it seemed like Chiaka had grown out of entertaining her daughter’s even most meagre requests.

“Whatever you want, figure it out.” She shrugged, finding some mints in one of the kitchen drawers, snatching it and shoving it into her hand bag. Rika stood like a statue as the woman she lived with zipped up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She stared, like a prisoner in her own body as Chiaka wandered about the house, grabbing the last few essentials (lip balm from her room, a perfume bottle left out in the living room) before loudly making her way to the front door, heels slamming into the carpet.

“Do I look good enough for my date, Rika?” Chiaka called out once more, turning with her back to the door to face her daughter. Like a robot, Rika activated and shifted her head to face Chiaka, barely even registering that she was there.

“Mhm, sure.” Rika nodded. Even if she wanted to insult Chiaka, she couldn’t. She put more effort into dressing up for men than she would for taking care of her own daughter. She hated it, despised her for it, but at least she looked good, Rika couldn’t fault her on that. Chiaka gave her a hum of acknowledgement and fiddled with the door handle, before swinging it open and hurrying herself outside. Automatically, Rika plodded over to the entrance and locked the door herself. She shivered, but couldn’t be bothered to go upstairs to get her dressing gown, choosing instead to grip her fingers against the hem of her wrinkled pyjama sleeve until her knuckles grew white.

Staring coldly, Rika’s eyes found themselves staring back at the kitchen. The sink was cluttered with dirty dishes, stained pots, used cutlery and plates that had been left to simmer for weeks. She knew she should start cleaning that soon, she wasn’t sure if she even had any other dishes left in the house at this point, but neither her body nor her brain were listening to reason by now. If her own mother wasn’t going to take care of her, why should she even bother taking care of herself?

Motivation became a foreign concept as Rika slugged over to the couch before plopping herself down onto the slightly sunk seats. They weren’t comfortable, but more so familiar, the dented fabric seemed to welcome her back in, like blankets shielding her body on a cold winter morning, deflecting her responsibilities away. Laying down on her side, Rika fumbled in her pocket for her phone, retrieving it. She winced at the brightness once in turned on and pulled it away from her face. Had her house always been this dark? As much as Rika planned, and wanted to doom scroll her night away, imagining the look on Chiaka’s face once she came back to a dirty home and a hungry daughter, a little notification at the top of her screen drew her in.

Hii!! How’s everyone doing?

A text message from Ai, to their friends group chat. Something throbbed inside Rika’s chest upon seeing her message, her username, her profile picture, smiling at her through the screen. The picture seemed to stare right through her soul, with Ai’s joyful eyes and wide smile reminding Rika of all that she did not have. Suddenly, she was so very aware of how lonely it was in her house, and how much she wanted Ai with her, and how much she missed being taken care of. Whatever dam that had been put up around her emotions broke so easily at just being asked how she was, she had to swallow back the dryness in her throat and the tingly stinging that came to her eyes.

Feeling more needy than ever, Rika quickly opened up the message, seeing that both Neiru and Momo had already responded. Another pang of neediness hit her, her mind started to feel much more blurry than before. Not necessarily fuzzy, more hazy, only half thinking through her actions, as if she had the self-restraint of a child.

Not good. Chiaka left again

Rika hastily typed out, raising her palm to her mouth as she gnawed it, suppressing a whine at the fact that her friends weren’t immediately responding to her because what could be more important than her? She wouldn’t have to wait too much longer for her friends to notice though, luckily as she felt she may just burst into tears if she didn’t get a response soon.

Oh no! Is everything okay over there :(? Momo hastily typed out, even though the answer was obvious. Ai took a more direct route, mostly because she didn’t trust Rika to be left on her own like this.

Do you want us to come over? She asked, to which Rika’s face practically lit up at the screen. She flung up the couch, resuming a normal seating position as she ferociously typed away at her phone, messily punching at the keyboard.

Yes pleaes, was all about she could manage. Relief filled her chest for just a few moments, but it quickly boiled over to impatience. She wanted her friends here now! Puffing her cheeks out with a pout, Rika brought her legs to her chest, with her arms wrapped around her knees, which her chin was resting on. Her eyes were glued to the phone screen, of which she was idly clinging to with her fingers, half expecting it to drop at any moment. Curling in on herself seemed to soothe something within her soul, relishing in the feeling of being tiny. Still, she shivered in freezing longing, only being able to think of her friends being with her and getting more desperate by the second. Rika constantly refreshed her messages, perking up and devouring her friend’s words whenever they popped up on her screen.

on my way, Ai had hurriedly typed out, to which Rika let out a small sound of relief, that was something of a mix between a whimper and a chirp.

I’ll be over soon, just getting together some stuff you might need :)! Momo’s message came through, to which Rika felt a little heat rise to her cheeks, shocked at how easily Momo slipped into caring for her. That message was shortly followed by Neiru’s, Rika was honestly a little surprised that she was coming over at all, she thought she’d be too busy to look after hang out with her. Her mom always was.

Same with me, we’ll be with you soon, Rika. Even though it was more of a factual statement, Rika took it as a comfortable assurance, satisfied and elated Like a dog, Rika’s eyes steered towards her front door, staring it down without daring to blink, waiting for the sweet sound of knocking to eventually come. Soon, she wouldn’t be alone.

••••••••

A series of hurried, disordered knocks battered against Rika’s door not even five minutes after she sent her last message, although to Rika, it had felt like five years. Stumbling to her feet, and nearly falling onto her coffee table in the process, Rika swiftly scampered over to the door, rash elation taking over her movements as she just began fumbling with the lock. Eventually, it clicked open and Rika swung over the door, squinting from the brightness of the Sun, before quickly refocusing on what she was here for.

Hunched over, Ai stood in Rika’s doorway, one hand resting against her wall as she took in heaps and heaps of deep breaths. Her clothes were messy, more accurately, her whole person was cluttered. Her mustard yellow raincoat seem ill fitted, dangling from her figure and covering her shorts. Strands of hair clung to the sides of her velvety face, no doubt she just slipped on her shoes and ran out of her house as soon as she got Rika’s message. But, that was neither of the girls’ biggest concern. Rika let out a gleeful squeal, mouth stretching open into a smile that showed off all her teeth. She lunged forward to Ai and wrapped her arms around her greedily, trying to keep her all to herself, trying to keep her from leaving. Ai accepted this as Rika’s face fell to her chest, planting her heels firmly against the ground to stop herself from tumbling over. Tenderly, Ai coiled her arm around Rika’s back, brushing her hand up against her side, as if to check that she was real.

“Aww,” Ai let out, adoring just how fast Rika’s mood had apparently changed just upon seeing her, but also worried her slightly. What would poor Rika do if she wasn't there for her? She shook the thought away, she couldn't afford to being fretting over possibilities when there was a very real, and very demanding, problem bundled up in her arms. "What's gotten you all excited, hm?" Ai asked, mainly to give Rika something to think about as she steadily maneuvered herself inside. Fumbling around for a light switch, Ai held back a wince at the sight of Rika's house. She couldn't judge, that would be rude, plus her own house wasn't any better at times. Mainly her own room though, it had never been this bad. Ai could practically feel her blood bubbling in her veins knowing that Chiaka was allowing her daughter to live like this.

"Mm.." Rika grumbled to herself as she tried to think of an answer, absentmindedly waddling along behind Ai, still half-clinging to her, not ready to let her go. "Wanted you here, wasn't that obvious?" Rika huffed, not willing to outwardly compliment Ai, it reminded her all too well of how her mother fished her for compliments, sucking away all the love Rika had for herself for her. Ai seemed to sense her discomfort, glancing back at the girl apprehensively. Sure, she knew that Rika regressed from time to time, and that was partly the reason she came rushing over here, but she still felt like she was in the trial and error era of learning how to take over. She still barely had a clue what made Rika took, or what could set off a land mine for her.

"You didn't like being alone, huh?" Ai asked, prompting Rika to shake her head and tighten her grip on Ai's shirt. Something like bile rose up in her throat, there was an unfamiliarity that came with her emotions being seen, like swimming in water that she couldn't see the bottom of. Ai smiled softly at her, gently taking a hold of her wrist and leading her down to sit on the couch to ground her. Automatically, her hand raised to Rika's cheek, to which she grew inhumanly still the closer Ai got to her. Ai made a point to compassionately rub her hand against Rika's cheek, to which she almost immediately softened at the loving motions.

"I understand that, baby, you did a great job with messaging us, you know, you're a real smart cookie." Ai praised her, and Rika softened up to her, leaning her face towards Ai’s hands, trying to soak up as much attention from her as she could. That’s all she really wanted, attention. To be cradled and loved and doted over, like when she was oh so small.

When everything used to be okay.

Rika and Ai would’ve been willing to stay in the moment forever were it not for the prominent knocking at the door, causing Rika to flinch and reel back, yanked out of her blissful trance. Ai’s lips soured at the movement, following Rika with her hand and lovingly patting the top of her head.

“It’s okay, cutie, I think those are our friends!” Ai announced, standing up from the couch and offering Rika a hand to hold. But Rika was too busy positively beaming from the nickname, a smile etching its way onto her face against her will as her hands bashfully clamped together, like a little angel.

Like Ai’s little angel. With another small noise of adoration, Ai delicately took one of Rika’s hands and helped her to her feet. Rika fidgeted as Ai walked her over to the door, half from nervousness and half from ecstasy. She shuffled herself behind Ai as she opened the door, head poking out from just behind her arm.

“Oh, Ai, you’re already here!” Momo exclaimed, a little surprised, but Neiru just stood beside her, as if she expected that. Her attention was more focused on Rika, who meagrely met her gaze, a little smile on her face, as if she was looking at a celebrity. Neiru smiled fully back at her, offering her a polite wave before shifting her gaze up to Ai.

“I take it that she’s little then?” Neiru asked, while Ai stepped aside to allow the two entry. Mono shuffled inside a little awkwardly, her hand firmly pressed on a gleaming pink handbag at her side, drawing Rika’s focus to it.

“Seems like it, she’s been as quiet as a mouse and well, you know, clingy.” Ai smiled lovingly as she rubbed Rika’s arms, gesturing vaguely to how closely Rika had been following her around, like a little lamb. Rika wasn’t paying much mind to the attention, finding the sparkly bag that Momo had much more interesting, but there was a little comfort in hearing her friends talk about her as if she wasn’t even there. It didn’t make her feel insignificant or worthless, more so valued. It helped knowing that they were thinking about her.

“Awh, hey there, cutie,” Momo took what Ai told her to heart, near immediately kneeling down a little to be at eye level with Rika, just making her feel all the smaller. “Do you think you could tell me how old you’re feeling, please? It would be a big help!” She gave Rika a warm, everything’s-going-to-be-okay smile that made her actually believe in the sentiment. Rika shuffled out a little from Ai, doing her best to answer Mono but when she opened her mouth to talk, it felt like her throat had been jammed. Momo noticed this and quickly interjected, not wanting Rika to have a melt down over something as small as this.

“Maybe you could show me with your hands,” she suggested, wiggling her own fingers towards Rika, who seemed to accept the suggestion. She thought for a few moments, before considerately holding up three fingers, beaming up at Momo. Automatically, Momo brought her hand over to Rika’s head and ruffled her hair like how one would pet a cat.

“Great job, baby, thank you so much!” Momo cooed, adoring her role as a caregiver for Rika. She seemed to always know just what buttons to press to appease Rika or get her to do as she was told. Seeing Momo’s proactive behaviour, Neiru glanced around in search for something to do, with their gaze swiftly settling on the disgustingly high pile of dishes in Rika’s sink. She strode over to them, rolling up her sleeves and filling the sink up with scolding water and stinging, floral scented soap before calling back over their shoulder to the group.

“Rika, when was the last time you ate something?” Given how unusable these plates were, she figured that Rika would’ve either been surviving off of snacks today, or was powering through with an empty stomach. The embarrassed expression on Rika’s face seemed to confirm the latter, although the souring of her lips and the aversion of her eyes more so came from a feeling that Neiru was judging her. Momo took notice and lowered her hand to rub Rika’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry, princess, we’re here to make sure you’re being taken care of, even when you can’t do it yourself.” Momo assured her to which Ai chimed in, Rika’s attention being split between the both of them, like a puppy looking at its favourite toys.

“Yeah, we’re not gonna judge a kid, that’d make us losers!” Ai exclaimed, earning a little, high-pitched giggle from Rika, which struck both of her friends right in the heart. Momo’s arms felt like jelly but she still scooped up Rika with adoration, holding her against her strong figure while her bicep made an impromptu seat for her to lay on.

“You don’t think we’re losers, do you, sweetie?” Momo spoke to her obviously and exaggeratedly, allowing Rika’s smaller mind to follow along with her words. She eventually shook her head at the question, gravely serious, although her lips were still cracking up with a smile. Ai couldn’t hold herself away from the little darling for long, it clicked that she needed Rika as much as Rika needed them. Placing a loving hand on Rika’s back, Ai frowned pressed down comfortably further.

“Hey, Momo, doesn’t she feel a little cold to you?” Ai voiced and immediately Momo raised her free hand to Rika’s forehead, expression souring at the result, she was as cold as an unkept grave. Or maybe Momo was being over dramatic, but she was worried about her baby.

“This whole house is pretty cold, come to think of it…hey, angel, would you wanna go upstairs and let Ai help you get changed into something cosier?” Momo suggested to which Rika pouted, staring up at her with her slit like eyes and full cheeks, resembling an angry marshmallow. She’d forgotten how temperamental Rika could be when she was little. The moment she stopped enjoying something or had to something she didn’t want to, no matter how small, she would start acting like a total brat. That’s why Momo planned ahead this time and brought a bargaining chip to smooth things over.

“If you do, I’ll show you what I brought with me~!” Momo promised in a sing-songy voice, waving about the sparkly handbag she brought with her that had previously caught Rika’s attention. Her eyes seemed to shine and gleam at the sight of it, proving her attention span to be mind numbingly short, as she was now practically begging to go and get changed, though most of it was just blabbering. Momo chuckled and carefully offered up Rika to Ai, who barely managed to hold her, having to bundle up the girl in a bridal position just to manage, with Rika’s limbs idly draped around Ai’s body, clinging to her like a koala. Ai didn’t mind being put on baby duty regardless, Neiru was occupied with the dishes and Momo was likely going to be planning something for Rika downstairs. Either way, Ai couldn’t deny how much she wanted her own time with the absolute delight that was baby Rika.

Ai creeped up the stairs, each of her steps feeling a lot more weighty with Rika in her arms, head nestled into her shoulder. She came upon Rika’s room, ungracefully pushing her body against the door in an effort to force it open, which was successful. Rika’s gaze lingered up at the familiar sight and smell of her room, allowing herself a cautionary glance about at the discarded bed sheets, random assortment of clothes on the floor and piles of papers containing God knows what stacked up on her desk. She swallows nervously, it was one thing for Ai to see her when she was little but to see this part of her, the bigger side who was supposed to be confident and cool and far above just keeping her room tidy, revealed to be more slobbish, sloth-like and unorganised than she ever let on was embarrassing to say the least. She hid her face in Ai’s shoulder, like a shy kitten, which Ai took as a silent plead for reassurance, which it sort of was.

“Don’t worry about all this, cutie, my room looks like a trash heap anyway!” She joked, earning a giggle from Rika, which sounding like the most precious noise she’d ever heard. Considerately, she lowered Rika down onto the side of her bed, smoothing out her blanket beforehand to make it cosier. “Now, let’s see what we have to work with in here,” Ai said as she turned her back to search through Rika’s wardrobe, continuing to think out loud just to keep Rika’s attention, and to ensure that she didn’t think she was trying to ignore her. Ai’s hands brushed up against dresses and designer jackets that were worth more than anything in her own home, but immediately looked past it, discovering a ludicrously soft pink T-shirt, a pair of white cotton leggings and some fuzzy, light violet socks. She grinned and covered the clothes in her arms before plopping then down next to Rika, who squeaked in approval at that, positively beaming.

“Alright, would you want some help getting changed or would you be fine on your own, sweetie?” Ai asked her. Rika appreciated that she said “want” and not “need”. Truthfully, she probably could manage it herself but it had been an eternity since she’d been taken care of so intricately like this that she promptly nodded with a little grin. Ai returned it with a bigger one. Wanting to help out a bit, Rika preemptively raised her arms up in the air and Ai followed her movements rhythmically, slipping her shirt off over her head before ruffling her hair fondly.

“Good girl,” she praised her casually and Rika couldn’t hide the biggest, fattest smile that came onto her face because of it. Though, Ai was caught a little off guard by Rika’s scars, having nearly forgotten about them, getting so wrapped up in their perfect little day that those faded markings had slipped her mind. She pressed on though, electing to wordlessly ignore them, which Rika seemed to accept. It wasn’t something a three year old Rika had to be dealing with after all.

It wasn’t something a fourteen year old Rika should be dealing with.

Ai then fitted the pink T-shirt onto Rika, who then obligingly wriggled out of her trousers, which were then replaced with the nestling, fluffy warm of her cotton leggings. Finishing off the outfit by replacing her slippers for socks, Ai cooed at her work, cradling Rika up in her arms and spinning her about.

“Ooo, you look so adorable!” Ai doted over here as the two of them fell into a pit of light giggling, feeling weightless as they moulded against each other. Rika was already back to clinging onto Ai, as if she was a battery of happiness for her to tap into, her gleaming red face poking out from behind her shoulder. Attentively, Ai gripped onto Rika with one arm, keeping a compact hold on her, before bunching up her old clothes in one hand. She deposited them in the laundry basket before making her way back downstairs to check on Neiru and Momo.

Dutifully, Neiru had washed, rinsed and put away most of the dishes, and given the kitchen sides a quick wipe down, giving the place a pleasant, floral scent. Rika felt like a load had been removed from her upon seeing her kitchen freshened up, and tried to thank Neiru accordingly, but all that she managed were a few excitable babbles. Neiru nodded as if she understood, face indifferent, but softened. Momo strolled up to Rika, tapping her fingers along her back to make her aware of her presence, but all that achieved was getting Rika all giggly.

“Hey baby, you feeling a little warmer now?” Momo asked, Rika nodded her head profusely. “That’s great, now do you wanna see what I brought here for you?” Momo asked, feeling thrilled herself as she held up that sparkly pink bag, Rika’s eyes perking up at the sight of it, like how a cat’s would at the sight of a bird. Almost instantaneously, Rika was wriggling about in Ai’s arms, fussily reaching over towards Momo and vocalising incoherently, excitedly. Ai and Momo chuckled at the display a little, as Ai released Rika from her hold, watching as the girl bounded a few steps forward over to Momo, bouncing on her heels impatiently as Momo undid the zipper.

“The three of us were talking and we thought that a few items would be able to help you out a ton while you’re little! It’s okay if you’re not a fan of some of them though.” Momo assured, in all honesty she was a little worried that Rika would find her gifts underwhelming, she didn’t wanna disappoint her little angel. That fear melted away quickly at Rika’s reaction to the first item, a pastel pink sippy cup, which had already been decorated profusely with stickers of cartoon stylised cats and a few Sanrio characters, which Rika always adored but it evolved into an obsession when she was little.

“Eeee!!” She squealed, practically snapping the cup from Momo’s hand, twisting it about and scrutinising it from every possible angle, her smile seeming to deepen and intensity. Bouncing up and down on the spot, Rika’s looked wildly between all three of her caregivers, fuzzy appreciation warming her body. “Thank you!!” Rika exclaimed appreciatively, Momo’s heart could’ve melted right there at just those words, but she did her best to appear casually delighted, not wanting to get too emotional on a small Rika. Honestly, she could burst into tears anytime she saw her snicker, or cling onto someone, or curl up to make herself just that much smaller.

“Don’t thank us yet, angel, you still have some more surprises in here!” Momo announced, rooting her hand through the bag before pulling out an item much smaller, but Rika’s eyes were going starry at the sight of it, like how a fan would stare at their idol. It was a pacifier, in a similar bold pink colour, with the front decorated in midnight black stars. There were two words printed into the sides of it, reading “Little Angel”. Rika’s mouth hung open like a broken drawer, spluttering thankfully at the item.

“Now, we do need to sterilise it before actually using it, b-,” before Momo could even finish whatever logical warning she was blabbering on about, Rika had left her sippy cup on the side, scooped up the paci and stuffed it into her mouth with a little giggle. Ai snickered behind too, mainly at just how cute Rika looked with her new gear. Momo sighed adoringly, but couldn’t actually find it in herself to be cross with Rika.

How could she be angry with someone so precious?

“That’s-probably fine,” Momo decided, trying not to worry over Rika too much and instead holding open the bag wide and offering it over to her. “There’s one last gift in there for you, why don’t you go ahead and see what it is?”

Rika took Momo up on that offer, shoving her hand in the bag and messily rooting about until her hand bumped into something squishy, fluffy but more so furry. She tilted her head, grasping the mysterious object and lifting it free from its container, only to shriek rhapsodically at the sight. It was a plushie, a tortoise plushie to be specific, primarily white in colour but white pink highlights around the shell and it’s stubby little limbs. It’s face was squished and spherical, it’s whole body was rather clumped up in fact and Rika loved it to death. She pulled it close to her chest and squeezed it so hard it might pop, it’s head awkwardly jutting upwards towards her, staring with an embroidered smiley face.

“I love her, I wuv her, fank yu so much!!” Rika babbled out, voice slightly muffled from behind her paci. Momo was delighted to see Rika so elated, so full of life as she experimentally squeezed and shook the tortoise plush about in her arms, treating it with the same love that her caregivers gave to her.

“I’m glad you like her, sweetie, any ideas on what you wanna name her?” Momo asked, causing Rika to pause thoughtfully, her eyes squinting as she scrutinised her new friend, trying to think of something that fit her before a name popped into her mind.

“Towi!” She exclaimed, though the others were sure she meant Tori, it didn’t change just how adorable that was.

“Nice to meet you, Tori, you have an amazing name!” Ai praised, coming up from behind Rika and shaking one of Tori’s chubby hands. Rika was positively beaming from behind her pacifier, hugging Tori tightly, shrinking her body around her stuffy. She would’ve stood there forever, just cradling Tori if it weren’t for Ai intervening. “Alright, sweetie, why don’t we go have a seat in the living room and get to know Tori better, mkay?” She offered, primarily because she wanted Rika to be able to get some rest in and not become too hyper after all her gifts. Rika nodded hurriedly and ran over to the couch, burning away some of her energy as she threw herself against the cushions, with Ai following behind not long after.

Momo watched with a pleased expression as the two of them scurried off, looking back over to Neiru who was standing straight in the corner of the kitchen, brandishing a knife as they began cutting away a vibrantly red apple into more sizeable slices. Momo sauntered over and leaned over her shoulder.

“Making Rika a snack?” She asked, judging her assumption from the fact that she was using a pink, plastic plate, one meant for children.

“Yes,” she nodded, her precise cuts growing a little slower, a little more apprehensive, as something gnawed at the back of her mind. “I’m not as suitable as appealing to her little side as you and I are, but I still want to help her out however I can.” They explained, arranging the now cut apple slices into the corner of the plate, which had a cheese sandwich taking up the majority of it.

“You’re doing great, it’s amazing that you’re still helping out like this, you know. Just try not to worry too much about how to talk to Rika while she’s little, she’s still our friend and she’ll love us either way.” Momo reassured her, something she clearly had a talent for doing. Neiru returned her smile finally, before filling up Rika’s sippy cup with some apple juice and fastening the lid on tight enough to ensure she didn’t spill it all over her.

“Thank you, Momo, I might go over and give this to her myself.” They announced, though it was more like a question, unsure whether it was the right move. Momo confirmed it for them with a gentle nod, filling Neiru with enough confidence to finally speak to the baby.

“This may help though,” Momo added, placing a packet of Oreo’s onto the plate, which was againat Neiru’s judgement, the last thing they needed was a kid with a sugar rush. They were convinced by Momo’s slightly smug, self-assured expression however. “She’s got a sweet tooth.”

Rika and Ai sat huddled up close to each other on the couch, Rika with her legs crossed to keep herself from fidgeting and kicking all about. Neiru couldn’t tell exactly what they were doing with Tori as she approached, her best guess being that Rika was puppeteering her arms to make her dance. She attempted to stride with the same parental confidence she saw from Ai and Momo, the kind that would assure Rika that she one hundred present knew what she was doing, yet was also compassionate and sweet. She meandered in front of Rika, a little unsure of how to get her attention, but luckily Ai helped her out, staring up at her causing Rika’s gaze to promptly follow.

“Hey there, cherub, I’m not sure if you’re hungry but Momo and I thought you might appreciate a little snack.” Neiru spoke the line as composed and naturally as she could, trying to make it sound as if she hadn’t been rehearsing it all the way over here. She left the plate next to Rika and put her sippy cup on the couch, though her attention was entirely fixed on Rika. More so, why she seemed to have grown at Neiru’s words, her eyes growing more vulnerable, squinted, glassy and then finally teary. Rika curled in on herself, pulling her knees close to her chest and covering her mouth with Tori’s safe, matted fur, sniffling into her forehead. Alarm bells ringed in all of their minds, even Momo who rushed over, having some kind of maternal instinct to simply know whenever Rika was in distress.

“Oh no, I-,” Neiru kneeled down to be at Rika’s eye level, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of herself. No one wants to be the person who makes a kid cry. “I’m sorry if you didn’t like it, you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to, baby.” They immediately slipped into damage control, but that only prompted a tiny sob to escape Rika’s threat, a heartbreaking little sound, like the whimper of a dog after you accidentally step on its paw. Ai wrapped her arms around Rika’s side, embracing her softly while Momo hovered at a distance, visible but not wanting to crowd Rika.

“Rika, darling,” Ai began, her voice delicate and minute, “could you tell us what’s wrong, please?” She asked, all while feeling Rika’s little shakes and shivers as she sobbed into her pacifier. Neiru rolled up her sleeve to cover her palm, lightly dotting and tapping at the few tears that fell from Rika’s frightened eyes, unsure of how to explain what was upsetting her when it was so stupid.

She didn’t need it.

She didn’t need her.

It would be ungrateful to her friends, who had done so much to take care of her already to want her here, but she couldn’t help it. She was just a little girl.

And she wanted her mom.

“I-I don’ get it..” Rika began, her words slow, clearly taking a lot of effort to actually get out, but they didn’t seem to mind. None of them interrupted, each waiting patiently for her to finish her words.

“My mom’s mean’ to take c-care of me, b-buh you a-all are doin’ that…why do-doesn’t she wan’ me whe-when you three do?!” Rika finally blurted out, devolving into shaky sobs once the words passed through her throat like a painful kidney stone. Ai immediately enveloped her in a full hug, which Neiru repeated but on Rika’s left side. The two of them clung to her body as it rocked and bucked in their arms, shaking with despair. Neither of them knew exactly what to say, afraid to even try speaking, though fortunately, Momo kneeled down in front of Rika, catching her attention like a bright light. She cupped the side of Rika’s face, helping to steady herself, her strained breathing steadily becoming calmer, settled.

“Rika, I know what it likes to feel…unwanted.” She decided on that word, because it’s exactly what they were. “It sucks, it’s embarrassing, and hurtful, and depressing, I understand that, baby, and it’s okay to feel like that. I’m sorry about how your mom behaves, you deserve so, so much better, you deserve someone whose willing to care for you, not say they care about you. You deserve someone who wants to carry you around and make you feel less alone, you deserve someone who wants to make you snacks and clean your house to make sure you’re living safely, you deserve someone who wants to buy your gifts to show just how much they love you. And I’m sorry that person isn’t your mom, you’re allowed to feel however you want about her but just remember, we’ll be here with you always, even when she’s not.”

By the time Momo had finished speaking, her voice was also cracking up, growing dry and hoarse. Ai extended her right arm out to her and Momo nestled herself into the cuddle like they had formed on her lap. Rika was full on sobbing now, but it wasn’t bad crying, she just didn’t know what to do with all her big feelings. She teethed on the pacifier, gripped onto Tori as if she’d never let go again and accepted the embraces from her caregivers, as tears coursed down her cheeks.

“I-I love you all,” Rika choked out now, knowing she likely wouldn’t say it when she was big again. Her hand clung onto the sleeve of Momo’s shirt, like a cat pawing for attention. Momo looked over to her and she swallowed her sobs, she needed to say this. “Fank you, m-mama,” the word came out unnatural, clearly something she hadn’t said in a long time, maybe ever. But now was the right time because she had finally found someone to call it. Momo felt as if her heart might break for the third time this evening, leaned in closer and pressed a loving kiss to Rika’s forehead, a smile appearing on her face that she just couldn’t seem to wipe away.

“Oh, baby,” Momo cooed, wiping her eyes, but couldn’t find the right words to say to her right now. Luckily, Ai took over, squeezing Rika’s hands.

“We all love you too, cutie, Momo meant what she said, we’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

That finally seemed to pacify things, Rika’s body had long stopped shaking and her body was only broken up by the occasional sniffle. Neiru reached over and grabbed Rika’s sippy cup, popping her pacifier out of her mouth before offering the drink to her, knowing she’d need to get her fluids up after a cry like that. Rika accepted it, her eyes going wide once the flavour of apple juice hit her tongue, beginning to suck at the bottle greedily. The three of them burst into laughter at her antics, needing a sweet release after the tense, discouraging emotional breakdown prior. Once half the bottle had been emptied, Neiru took it away, and immediately calmed Rika’s fussing by offering her back up her pacifier. Rika accepted it with a blink, one that was hazy and drawn out, then followed by another and another. She’d grown still since her crying session, breathing pronounced and systematic, it was clear that she’d been thoroughly tuckered out.

“Okay then,” Ai began, Momo hopped off her lap and she rose from her seat on the couch, offering up her hand to Rika. “I think it’s time you had a nap, okay, cutie?” Rika nodded gratefully, weakly reaching up to take Ai’s hand, supported by Neiru. Ai decided to carry her up to bed, slipping her arms beneath her thighs and around her back before hoisting her up. Rika was like deadweight in her arms at this point, inanimate, bobbing up and down with each step Ai took. She began her way up the stairs, Momo and Neiru in tow. She returned to Rika’s room, who was too exhausted to feel humiliated over the absolute state it was in. Neiru immediately went to sort out the bed however, pulling the sheets back onto its properly, tucking them in at the corners, smoothing out the pillows, until it all seemed snug and well prepared. Ai tucked Rika into the cloudy cotton sheets of her bed, with Tori following of course. Stirring slightly, Rika shifted to face Ai, barely able to fight against exhaustion to open her otherwise serene eyes.

“Fanks mo-mommy..wuv yu,” her voice was barely audible, like listening to a mouse, but Ai understood every word. She would never understand how Chiaka wasn’t able to care for such a sweet, perfect girl like Rika, even though she never thought she’d describe Rika like that. She would kill for Rika, die for Rika, walk backwards into a snake pit with her eyes closed for Rika, and Chiaka couldn’t even manage getting her food.

Who cares, she didn’t matter anymore, she never did. All that mattered was that she had her baby now and she was going to make sure she was treated with the love and care she needed, always.

“I love you too, cutie, sleep well.”

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