#little rant about the hard life of being a fan of an unpopular kid

[bonsai-babies]

Something has been missing for a while...

Every year when a new Cobra Kai season was released, I binged as soon as possible, like any fan. However, after the third season and my first hiatus in this fandom, I had the time to better assimilate the show and figure out my attachments and grievances with the show. I realized I really liked Sam, Daniel, Robby, Miguel, and even Johnny (though I always had many problems with his childishness and irresponsibility). I got attached especially to Samantha, who stood out as the type of character strangely placed in an extremely "macho-man" preaching show. I thought of the many interesting possibilities to approach her development as "the legacy kid" and "the love interest" who now had an extremely violent rival who was also a girl with a contrasting energy and story.

The meta-conversation that could've been explored filled my expectations for the seasons ahead. I anxiously waited, season after season, to see more, to see which of the possibilities they would explore. Though season four was interesting, it ended there.

Season five was the biggest disappointment, it was clear they didn't want to do much with her anymore, she didn't have an arc, they teased an arc, and just... didn't do anything with it. Season six part one was the very same. She was there... Nothing particularly personal going on except the crumbs of her relationship development with Tory. Her motivation to fight barely being touched upon, her anxieties about college and what to do with her future completely ignored or forgotten, she's happy just gathering pamphlets to pick a university. No excitement or tension or even a hint of which direction she would like to go or refuses to. They gave her nothing.

I do not hold any expectations that she'll be given substantial stuff anymore by the writing, if she gets to at least be relevant in the mission to bring Tory back from CK I'll be honestly surprised and reasonably content.

I believe I'm not the only one feeling this way, maybe people feel this way about other characters too -- and I would agree with them. It's just something I felt there was missing for a while, something not easy to excuse or forgive because, in this case, we're talking about a legacy kid, Miyagi's granddaughter, Daniel's eldest child... And she gets too little. It's a shame.

[doctorweebmd]

I never knew what to say about zsg because, well, there are a lot of aspects about it that don't align with my usual taste, despite its objective high quality. I mean, I'm a sfw fan 😂 That said, I'm always in awe that with your busy job, you continue to feed us so well. I'm busy too and only going yo get busier, so it's an inspiration, as longfics are what I prefer to write as well (though it doesn't come nearly as naturally, lol). And, you're right, zsg deserves to hear the love and admiration I have for it, so here goes.

To start with, the fic definitely has residence in my head, despite reading it nearly a year ago. There are scenes I still think about. I was talking about then with a friend just a week ago. Since I don't have time to read fic these days (cries), the most I can do is go back to old fics and reread my favorite scenes, and I do that with zsg, because there are such high quality, top tier moments. The "you're looking at me" "I never stopped" ??? That might be the pinnacle bkdk. I can't believe I've never seen that before in a bkdk fic? Or if it was there, it didn't hit as hard.

I know you're not so into the falling action part of a fic, but I loved the last bits with bkdk. When Baku realizes Deku's staying? Those moments they have of figuring things out are so good. And the provisional exam being inspired by Kamino was great. Really clever and a nice homage. And, of course, very nice that Deku could be a hero again.

Also, the Shinsou content is perf. I always love a side character having a big part in a ship fic and that shinbaku relationship is exactly why. (Similarly, I loved All Might and Aizawa helping Baku out.) That flashback scene where Deku calls Baku Kacchan? So good. And so smart as a flashback, because it would have been too much in the actual timeline, but where you fit it in the plot was really really clever. I also generally love a flashback--unpopular opinion, but I do.

Those were some of my biggest highlights! I hope my little disclaimer at the top isn't totally assholish 💀 I think you're just great and really admire your openness and the things you try to tackle in fics and your incredible output. I hope you're doing well <3

ahhh Anjum thank you so much for sending this!!! AHHH i'm sorry i complain on here so often i was so embarrassed i deleted the post lmao

gosh yeah especially when you read sfw stuff in general! i have this habit of writing REALLY detailed and explicit sex scenes 😳 what made you read it, in that case? (obviously you dont have to answer!)

god. every time i think about their devotion to one another i want to combust into flames. think for much LESS we had to work with when we were writing a few years ago?! the way horikoshi has developed katsuki into this passionate, level-headed, absolutely hopelessly committed to Izuku - literally never saw it coming. these two deserve peace in the end. they deserve to live a life on their own terms. they just DESERVE TO BE HAPPYYYY

urgh its Izuku's DREAM and of course horikoshi is setting him up to lose one for all, i think thats been his intention from the beginning, but his life is only starting!!! he's only 15!!! you're telling me he's going to risk his life and lose the only thing he's ever wanted?! i wonder if horikoshi used all might in his big-old mecha suit as a hint that deku would still be a hero, just using assist devices. at least i hope. this kid deserves a chance. (i dont know if you're caught up on the manga?? i'm kind of ranting lol)

adjfakldjflk;asjdlfjasdfj ANYWAY WHEN I TELL YOU THIS MADE MY DAYYYYYY adsjfaldjfkl argh you just made me so happy especially because its been a long time and i forget parts about it but TO HEAR THAT EVEN THE PARTS THAT FELT LIKE A STRUGGLE WERE STILL ENJOYABLE?! urgh i appreciate you so much thank you for taking time out of your day to reassure a complainy weirdo like me

[lutelyre]

1, 5, 7, and 8, you know what fandom we share. :)

hiiiii lazy!! thanks for asking me!! <3

1. A character I used to hate but have since warmed up to: idk if i ever like hated anyone (outside of like, of course, Mukotsu. duh). but the first time I watched IY I had such a hard time getting excited/interested in Kohaku. He felt bland and wet blanket sad to bby me (fr i was in middle school. I wanted to watch the hot angsty teen dog boys, not the pasty middle school kid who alternates between looking like someone is about to steal his lunch money and just like. total dissociation, lol). BUT BOY OH BOY. Upon more recent rewatches as an adult I'm just like BREAKING MY HEART over this sweet scared child who becomes a competent killing machine and his royally fucked up storyline. truly, whump. He's much more complex than I initially gave him credit for.

5. A character I love but everyone else hates: okay yes, people don't like actually hate him, really, he's literally in of one of the MOST popular fandom ships. But imo people tend to judge Miroku p hard. Like the pervert stuff, i get it, i know. I get that those aspects of him are flaws that turn people off. that's valid. Perhaps bc he's a pretty main character and he's fun to ship with Sango, people like him despite that, and so I see a lot of correcting/changing his behavior in fic to make him moral/good and less slimy. I do like those fics too, and i do some of this tweaking in my own writing too, ofc. but i think instead of liking Miroku in spite of his flaws, i love him because of them, which is sentiment i don't see as often? I LOVE that he's immoral, that he's a little trash slut (affectionate), that he's sneaky and vain, a conman running for his life and taking what he can get. Give me a Miroku who's in over his head and still asks for more. Give me a Miroku who's shallow and desperate, who knows but doesn't tell. Give me a Miroku who's fucked up.

To be more literal in terms of a character everyone hates, i also really love Naraku. I think most people hate him indiscriminately bc he so quickly goes from "intriguing villain with unique backstory" to "oh god no not the BeEs AgAiN" (bee's here being a equivalent to an overused plot mechanic and unnecessarily complicated objectives), but hey, the bees worked, right!! We all kept watching anyway!! Now there's a trash slut. Main character energy baby, always. Naraku's nastiness is selfish and overwrought in the anime, but also weirdly fascinating to me.

7. An unpopular ship I’ll nevertheless go down with I am a multishipper tried and true, I love to put everyone with anyone. Did two characters I like maybe interact once in a single episode of canon?? Did they appear next to each other for 3 seconds in one anime opening song?? if so, then there's a 95% chance I've thought about what it could be like if they fucked. It is what it is; I'm like this for literally every fandom i dabble in. The point of this is to say most of the ships i like to write are "unpopular" bc rare pair hell is a real place. We don't have cookies but we do have fluffy cheerleader pom poms for cheering on unusual content. In a fandom like Inuyasha, where nearly ALL fics fall within 2-4 main pairings, it's fun to flex those rare pair muscles more often for all the juicy possibilities of this wonderful world and it's wonderful characters. IY rare pairs ALWAYS need more love. I contain multitudes, okay? On that note, a list of unpopular/rare ships that currently have me in a chokehold, in no particular order: Kagura/Kikyou Inuyasha/Miroku Sesshomaru/Miroku Inuyasha/Miroku/Sango poly!

8. A fan favorite ship I just don’t get Okay i just ranted about being a multi-shipper, so this is actually sort of tough. Even if there are pairings i don't find particularly interesting/stimulating, i've probably read fic and enjoyed fic featuring it. If pushed, Koga/Kagome is a pretty popular ship I have to be in a very specific mood to enjoy. Not to say i wouldn't ever read it, but it's are a toughie.

Of course, now I'm challenging myself to think about it and i mean... well... it's not like his whole vibe isn't hot af....i COULD see it if....

*trundles off to muddle things over in multi-ship land*

[tenshindon]

Bardock for the character ask meme!

Give Me A Character and I Will Answer:

Why I like them: 

When I was little it was definitely predominantly because I thought his design and voice (bless up Sonny Strait) were super cool. Now that I’m Older I love to think about how he interacts with his family (Z vs. Super, really) and watching him fight was always So Cool; since he wasn’t a reoccurring character his fight scenes were given more attention and I Always Love Some Fun Choreography. Not to mention he can just be hilarious sometimes with how blunt and aggressive he is lmao.

Why I don’t:

This is more so about Z Bardock but I’m not really a big fan of how dismissive he is of his family, especially how he treats Raditz (and ESPECIALLY especially since Raditz seems distraught at Bardock’s apathy in X2 but that’s a rant for a different day), so I’m glad they made him more of a family man in the Broly movie!

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

You know Bardock only shows up in like. THREE things but he’s so Radical there’s just a lot of scenes I love of him. But if I was held at gunpoint I guess I’d have to say I love the scene where he goes Super Saiyan and just thrashes Chilled around like a ragdoll- shit’s hilarious AND pretty cool.

Favorite season/movie:

Can I say the Broly movie? I can say the Broly movie I love Bardock in Super even if he does have a screen time of like ten whole minutes every single frame he’s in is Pure Perfection.

Favorite line:

God I have two lines because they’re so hilarious when compared with each other but anyways first one:

“I don’t know... Maybe it’s because I’m constantly fighting- destroying, that I’d actually like to save something for once. Especially someone who was judged to be a lower class warrior: like my Kakarot.” - Dragon Ball Super: Broly,  Bardock to Gine after being questioned about his sincere care for Goku

Like I said Bardock is VERY brief in the movie but this quote is just so revealing about his character? This whole SCENE really was just eye opening for how his personality had changed so much since Z and I adore the implications of it.

As for the second quote:

“I don’t know, why don’t you beat the answer out of me?” -Xenoverse 2, Bardock to Tien when questioned about his identity

LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM WHY IS HE LIKE THIS LMAO HONESTLY A LOT OF BARDOCK’S X2 QUOTES ARE MY FAVORITE BUT THIS ONE JUST SENDS ME EVERY TIME

Favorite outfit:

His classic look is Just So Iconic and branded into my brain BUT I can’t lie I also like his Masked Saiyan armor too!

OTP:

Bardock and Gine- mans loves his wife so much dude I’m going to lose it

Brotp:

Bardock and Tora/Toma!! There’s nothing I love more than One Friend being a Prick while the other’s constantly pushing their buttons.

Head Canon:

In Super, Bardock’s squadron was kind of nullified; they aren’t shown on screen hanging out together (which I can understand due to time constraints and changes in the script). But I love to imagine that Bardock is not only still captain of that team, but he loves to talk about his kids to The Team when they’re all on the downlow after a mission, Fasha being a proud aunt on top of that. Yes they bully him about it sometimes but they all can’t deny they love being a part of Bardock’s family too.

Unpopular opinion:

I’m not a fan of the love for Distant Father, Emotionless Bastard Bardock. If he’s going to be distant, I want him to be conflicted about it.

A wish:

I’m not sure to be honest; I’d rather Bardock stay dead since his origin story would kind of just like. Not Matter if he was brought back, not to mention By In-Universe rules that’d be impossible/hard to do. But I would love to see maybe an OVA of Bardock’s time before death, whether that was the month before Frieza blows up Planet Vegeta, or even something simple like life Before and After meeting Gine and having Raditz and Goku.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

Please don’t bring Bardock back I swear to everything holy let him stay dead he’s perfect the way he is I don’t want Toei to ruin his character.

5 words to best describe them: 

Revolutionary and conspiracist belligerent grandpa

My nickname for them:

Pops!

[twilightofthe]

Aight, one last serious post for a bit. After that I think I might back off on some rants and stuff that I’ve been doing because I created this blog to be a positive place, and tbh, discussing stuff I don’t like just makes me upset, especially since I feel like I’m just shouting into either an unhearing void or at an audience that is watching and is distinctly unimpressed

Basically though, I wanted to apologize for the slightly salty posts I’ve made recently (and one like, yesterday lol) complaining about how people portray Anakin’s intelligence. I realize I came across as critical and accusatory of people who are just having fun and likely mean no harm, and it wasn’t fair of me to be all snappy about it. So yeah, I’m extremely sorry about that. I likely hurt people and that was not my intention. Please have fun and headcanon Anakin as anything you want. I love and support you and even if we can’t agree, we can def still be friends!

But, I will take this opportunity to kinda ramble a bit about my own personal experiences with this, and why I view Anakin the way I do, what his character means to me, and why it’s kinda exhausting sometimes to engage in fandom because I have the misfortune of having the unpopular opinion regarding a character, and how hard it is to respect other people’s takes when it seems that every time I give my own takes, it’s like I’m immediately shot down for them and refuted for the popular opinions, like I’m not allowed to believe this thing myself. Why I sometimes just gotta rant a little bit, and why no one should take it personal or as a criticism of them.

This below all delves very intricately into my own personal mindset and life experiences. It’s personal. Please remember this is a very personal post.

Now, to me, I totally understand Anakin has made every mistake in the world. I know he turns into a monster and hurts/(in)directly kills everyone he’s ever loved. I know that. I’m fully aware that he makes mistake after mistake after mistake. I know he’s a flawed character. I’m not saying he’s perfect. He’s far from it.

But at the same time, I can relate to parts of his character. His anxiety, his upset at not being able to live up to the standards he feels everyone’s putting on him when really no one is but him, the feeling of being constantly on the edge because you feel like your entire life is in a spiral and you don’t know how to stop it and every choice you make out of desperation makes things worse, how everyone around you just keeps making so much better choices and it’s like, why can’t I do that? What’s wrong with me? Why are they always right???????

And I love the fact that canonically, despite his utter disaster-ness, he has the potential to be good, to rise. That he is a canonical Gifted Kid, mega-intelligent but just totally unsure how to direct that so he flounders more often than not unless it’s in relation to his few specific interests, giving the feeling like I’m a fake and really there’s only one thing I’m good for. The need to do ANYTHING for validation from others because that’s what feeds you.

I’ve suffered this same insecurity and anxiety and self-hatred I can see in him my whole life, the same inability to properly manage my life like I’m supposed to and that everyone else seems to have figured out, how I could be so much more if I actually knew how to rise to the occasion instead of constantly crash and burn

I love Anakin so much because he is enough like me that I can sympathize and feel for him, but also different enough that when I see him tear down the path of self destruction, I can feel relief that I’m never at that point, and also sympathy that he fell that far (amidst my anger at him for hurting my other faves lol)

I LOVE that he has that ability to be smart and capable but just doesn’t know how to apply himself all the time, love it so much, and that’s why it’s a struggle sometimes when I feel that every time I try and say something showing off that side of him, like comment on something smart and creative he would have done, or something he HAS done right, immediately there’s people responding to me like UH NO ACTUALLY HE IS NOTHING BUT A PURE DUMBASS :) :) :))))))))))) HE DOESN’T HAVE THAT ABILITY/WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO THAT BECAUSE IT’S TOO SMART/SENSIBLE/GOOD FOR HIS POOR FEEBLE MIND, PERHAPS YOU MEANT SOMEONE ELSE MORE CAPABLE?

I’m not kidding about this. I said Anakin was a good cook once? I immediately got a response saying no, he can’t be, he’s a feral gremlin who eats bugs. I tried to start a convo about him having an emotional/meaningful conversation with one of his loved ones about something because he notices something wrong with them? Someone instantly refuted me because “nah he’s too clueless and oblivious to have that kind of emotional sensitivity ever”. I write something in a fic that shows Anakin doing something cool? In comes a guest commenter passive aggressively with something along the lines of “oh your Anakin is SO MUCH smarter and capable than he should be it’s almost OOC, but I’ll believe it for now haha”

I’ve got more instances I can recount, but I’m stopping here. I totally respect people’s headcanons, and right to have fun, I do. I cannot stress enough that people can and should write what the want. But to me, when it feels like people don’t always want to ever consider my takes on his character, when it’s like fandom is constantly churning out reminders of how much they believe he doesn’t have a brain, well, like

It’s like, when you relate to a character like that and keep getting your opinions and ways to relate shut down by the majority no matter what you do or say, it just feels like everyone is telling me “SMART PEOPLE don’t ever fail at things! People with REAL gifts and talents don’t ever waste them or make mistakes. If you’re struggling, if you crash and burn, if you don’t quite have your life together, it can only mean you’re just plain stupid and a failure for the rest of your life. As a Fool, you can’t ever be considered successful or do something right— because that would be doing something Smart and you have Proven Yourself Dumb. All of your accomplishments and thing you’ve done right can either be attributed to someone else deemed More Capable, or could have been done better by something else, so those good things don’t mean anything. Since you acted the fool once, a fool is all you’ll ever be.”

I’ve struggled with that kind of talk from other people and especially from my own insecurities my entire life.

And I know that’s not what people really mean, I know fans are just sharing their headcanons. I know no one wants to hurt anyone, they’re just making a joke and having fun! I call Anakin a dumbass all the time! SW fandom is 99% good people who just wanna play with their own toys and gush about things that they love! I know this is like 90% good faith!

But it gets harder to believe sometimes the Dumb Anakin headcanons are just innocent headcanons and not genuine beliefs when people Will Not let me have different ones without playfully— or not so playfully —reminding me of how wrong they think I am and what they think about his intelligence level and abilities.

And because my own personal history with anxiety and self-destruction, being overwhelmed with that talk really just hurts, and I will never be able to make that hurt response go away, no matter how irrational it is.

But yeah. That’s how I relate to Anakin. That’s why I see him this way. That’s why I cannot resist complaining sometimes. I’ve been at a very low point recently and these negative thoughts have just been worse so I’ve been more cranky about it, but I promise I won’t bring it up too much.

Thanks for listening.

I’m probs not gonna post anything “rant”-related on here for a very long time— or do my damned hardest to try not to.

[i-live-in-a-yellow-submarine]

Ultimate Beatlemania Tag!

Right off the bat, thank you so much to @johns-prince for tagging me! It took me forever to get around to filling this out, but I did it! I kind of don’t know people though so I don’t really know who I’d tag...I’ll just throw @toughbaby-buggybaby in because why not, you can do this if you want!

Anyway, this is gonna be a long post, so prepare yourself if you decide to read this.

How long have you been a fan?:

Okay well this is a little complicated to answer properly, but I’ll do my best. I’ve been listening to their music ever since I was little, and I’ve always adored it. The only problem was that I was either too young to think “Oh, this is The Beatles, I like them a lot!” or I just had no clue that it was them. I have that problem with a lot of bands that I’m into now actually. My dad always forgot to tell me “Oh by the way, you’re listening to insert band name here,” so now I’m catching up.

But if we’re talking about when I decided to sell my soul to these four dorks then it was about a year ago. I got really into their music because of some family members that had come visiting for the holidays, and they were all about The Beatles. One of my cousins would play their songs for me on the piano, as well as some of Paul’s solo work. After that I went in a spiral of just investing myself in them, so now they own my life.

Favorite Beatle:

How dare you make me choose. I love them all and refuse to pick between them-

Really though, I adore each of them so much and it’s really hard for me to make a concrete decision, especially since I tend to go through phases. I always conclude with George though because I just relate to him the most personality wise and admire him in a lot of ways, plus I think he’s gorgeous.

Favorite era for music:

I assume we’re talking about their specific eras in their own music? I hope that’s what this question is. If not, I personally like music from the 60s to the 80s, kind of bleeding into the 90s.

For the bug boys specifically, I think at the moment I’d have to go with everything.

Favorite era for lewks:

Again, if we’re talking about in general, I honestly don’t have an answer?? I’m not into fashion whatsoever, I just walk around wearing hoodies and jeans no matter what. The extent of my fashion knowledge is me seeing something I like and thinking “nice.”

For The Beatles, I honestly don’t know either. I thought they usually looked good in one way or another, (with a few exceptions that we’ll be getting to, don’t you worry) though I’ll always have a soft spot for their moptop era because they just looked adorable all the time. Also, those four looked amazing during their teddy boy days. I’m weak for teddy boy John and George.

Favorite song:

This is a really hard question to answer because I have so many favorites but I’ll try anyway.

This Boy is what I’m gonna start with, because oh my goodness it’s beautiful. John’s voice makes me feel so many things in that song, plus the harmonies behind it are just- mwah. Amazing. Along with that, In My Life never ceases to make me emotional for pretty much the same reasons, and the lyrics of course. The acoustic (???) version of While My Guitar Gently Weeps also has the same effect and I can’t deal with it.

When I’m Sixty Four has always been a favorite of mine from the start. A big part is because I’m a biased clarinet player and love every bit of it, plus Paul’s vocals in that one are so crisp and clear and I can’t handle it. And while we’re on the topic of Sgt Pepper, I also love With A Little Help From My Friends. I always get so happy when I hear Ringo’s voice, and this is one of my favorite songs that he sang.

Probably an unpopular choice for a favorite, but I’ve always really liked For You Blue??? I don’t know why, it just makes me laugh and all giddy for some reason. Honey Pie has the same effect on me as well. That song makes me bounce around like I’m a little kid again, and I adore it. It’s pretty much the same with Martha My Dear too, and also it makes me think of Martha which is always great.

I’m also a fan of their solo work and still branching off into it, but I really like Somedays, Blood From A Clone, and I Know (I Know).

Sorry I went on a tangent I just really appreciate music-

Favorite Album:

I’ll try not to rant on this one because again, I love them all. But uhhhhh, the first album I listened to all the way through (and also the first original record I received, my prized possession) was Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, on top of it just being all around amazing. But if you asked me to pick one album that I had to stick with for the rest of my life, right now I’d have to go with Let It Be or The White Album.

Unpopular/Controversial Beatles opinion:

Oh boy, I don’t want to go into details very much because I don’t feel like it, but I’d have to say my belief that the Lennon-McCartney relationship was romantic in some way. I know that one is controversial because…I mean just take a look around.

A song everyone loves but you dislike:

I honestly don’t know really, I don’t think I dislike any of their stuff, or at least I can’t think of any at the current moment. I don’t have many people that I can get opinions about their songs from, but I do know that I don’t go crazy over Yesterday like some people do. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty song, I just have others I prefer much more than it.

A song everyone dislikes but you love:

Again, I don’t really know what songs people collectively love and don’t. I do know that when I listened to Lady Madonna with my mom for the first time, I was absolutely vibing and she was not having it. My step dad wasn’t either, and it’s the same situation with The Long And Winding Road. Those are just between three people’s opinions but shhh-

Your fantasy involving The Beatles:

Gosh, if I were able to have met those four and been one of their friends, it would just be a dream come true. Talking to them and just spending time with them is something I wish I could do, just to be there with those brilliant humans would be amazing. I admire each of them for different reasons, and if I got the chance to have been their friend for years, I could die and be happy.

Tell us about the moment you knew you were a fan:

Looping back to what I said at the start, I’ve technically been a fan of their music since I was a little kid. But talking about the time I unknowingly handed my soul to them, I’d have to say around my last birthday.

A while back I was - and still am - all about the Legend Of Zelda franchise. I’d finished up all the manga that I’d bought based off the games, and wondered if I could find other stuff to read that was like it. Then the world of fanfiction showed itself to me and I just thought “Oh boy, this is a bad idea, but who cares, I want content.”

Fast forward to the point where I was really into The Beatles musically. I wanted to know more about the actual people making the music, so during the process of learning more about them, I remembered the deep and dark depths of fanfiction websites. Thus, I discovered that McLennon was a thing and immediately needed to know why. I literally read my first McLennon fanfic on my birthday.

Basically a month later I’d fallen completely in love with these four guys, their music, and McLennon.

Did you ever have a genuine ‘The Beatles suck!’ phase before becoming a fan?:

Oh no, I could never! This band had been drilled into my mind as one of the greatest of all time by multiple family members, so I just went with it. My dad would talk about them and I’d find them fascinating, even though I was much younger. In fact, I have a fuzzy memory of him driving my brother and I to the beach one time many years back, and he was talking about Norwegian Wood. He never actually told me that was the name, so I forgot shortly after. Then a couple years go by and I’m listening to it for the first time in who knows how long and go “Wait! That’s the song he was talking about!”

Favorite Beatles Book:

I actually haven’t read any yet, but I really want to. I’ve been thinking about getting both of John’s because I’ve heard that they’re quite entertaining for the right people, and based on what I have read from them, I think I’d really like them. I would love to get more after that, but that’s where I’d start.

Thoughts on the old generation of fans:

Having family members that fit in that category, I don’t have any problem with them at all. I mean, they were there during the time of The Beatles, and they always have interesting things to say about them and fun stories to tell. In my own experiences some of them can be a bit condescending with their views and opinions because they were alive during the time, but I know that not all the people in that generation are like that.

If Hollywood were to make a high budget Beatles biopic, what is one thing you desperately hope they include?:

Lots of things really. If I had to go with one, I really would want them to show just how much those four loved and cared for each other, especially the bond between Paul and John. I feel like the breakup, which is a very complicated topic in it of itself, tinted the media’s view to the point where some people believe that they hated each other, which is far from the truth.

I assume they would get their personalities right?? But if that’s something high budget biopics don’t guarantee, then that too. I just want to see their lives done right, with the important factors and people in their lives shown in the right light too. I know that’s a lot to ask of a biopic and probably will never happen, but I can dream.

Do you read/write fanfic?:

Yes, I do both. I wanted to become a better writer and artist, so I use The Beatles and other fandoms I’m a part of as a creative outlet in that sense. There are also so many amazing creators out there that I adore, so why would I not pay attention to the great things people have made?

Are you the only one in your family/friend group to enjoy them?:

No, but also yes? It’s kind of weird actually. Family wise, I have a lot of family members that at least like their music, so I can talk to them when it comes to that. But when it comes to the boys as people, I really don’t have many family members who know much or care. I can rant to my mom because she just takes it all in even though she doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about, and I infected my brother with Beatlemaniac as well, so now his favorite is Ringo and we talk about them a lot with each other.

Friends wise, I have two that enjoy them. My closest friend is a musician and music is really important in her family, so she’s been listening to a number of bands since she was basically a baby. I talk to her about anything and everything, which also means I rant about everything involving The Beatles. As far as I know, she doesn’t mind and likes talking about the McLennon tea. The other loves all music and she’s been listening to some of their stuff since she was young as well, but it was when I was getting really invested in The Beatles that she also did.

Are you a shipper?:

Yes, yes, and yes.

Addressing McLennon first, I don’t necessarily see it as only a ship, I believe that those two were in a romantic relationship of some kind. But I’ll save those opinions for just a little bit-

Of course when roaming around in the fanfiction world for that good McLennon content, I was bound to find other ships. Obviously my heart belongs to McLennon, so I can’t see Paul or John in any other relationship. As a result of that, I found comfort in Starrison and think it’s precious, though that’s purely just a ship in my book, so I love and put their friendship first. It definitely doesn’t fall into the same boat as McLennon for me.

Favorite movie starring/made by them?:

Over the past few months I fell in love with Yellow Submarine, which I am going to make count in terms of this question because it’s quality content. I love the humor, the artwork, the designs, the story, the music, everything. I just love it all.

Do you believe in McLennon?:

I’m sure you know the answer to that by now.

General opinions on McLennon?:

This post could go on forever if I actually let myself say everything I wanted to. I’ll try to keep it brief because I’ve rambled for long enough as is.

As I already stated, I have a firm believe that McLennon was real. No, is real. Paul shows his love for John to this day, and I’m sure John is reciprocating it wherever he is right now. Everything that they went through together just takes me on the most emotional rollercoaster to ever exist.

I was in the middle of making a list of just all the little things about their amazing relationship, but I realized there were so many that I could fill books about it all, and there would still be so much that we don’t know about. In the end, what John and Paul had was theirs, and the glimpses of it that we’ve been lucky enough to see are beautiful, heartbreaking, and everything in between. The love they shared lives on in the music they created, and I’m just glad to be able to experience it in that way.

If you got to change ONE thing about their history, what would it be and why?:

Oh this is a hard one for sure. I think if I were able to change something, it would be how the breakup played out. Altering factors in their lives so that they had been able to communicate with each other (specifically John and Paul) properly so they were on the same page with each other in what they needed and wanted probably would have softened the blow of the breakup for them, if it were to even happen.

Preventing the alcohol and substance abuse that was dealt with during that time and onward would most definitely have made things better as well, along with everything that happened with John’s association with Yoko. If they had just been able to keep their issues under control with help from people qualified to do so, I think things would have turned out much better for all of them. Then again, it’s such a complicated topic and there are so many things we could change for the better that I don’t have a set way to answer the question.

What song has the best vocals?:

I’m about to go on a tangent again, sorry-

I love the vocals for When I’m Sixty Four. Everything just sounds so clean in that song. I also really love how Paul sounds in Michelle and She’s Leaving Home, with the background feeling all calm so his voice kind of pops.

Girl leaves me feeling like a puddle and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s a similar situation with Do You Want To Know A Secret and This Boy too. The vocals just make me feel things.

John’s voice in Across The Universe and Julia sounds so sweet and sincere, and it always calms me down. I don’t really know why I love it so much, I just think the vocals are wonderful and almost insecure.

I think my favorite performance vocals wise has to be If I Fell though. The way Paul and John’s voices blend perfectly shows prominently in this song, and it’s absolutely beautiful.

What song do you feel had no effort put into it?:

Los Paranoias, but I don’t care and vibe to it anyway.

What is a well talked about moment in Beatles history that you genuinely believe to be false?:

I’ve been thinking really hard about this question but I can’t really think of one off the top of my head that holds much significance. I know there are plenty, but how glorified John and Yoko’s relationship was just seems so artificial to me the majority of the time. I know that isn’t really a moment per say, but it’s the only thing I could think of.

What is something you KNOW to be true, but often gets erased in their history?:

The biggest one that comes to mind right now is definitely the majority of the things involving Yoko throughout the breakup of the band up until John’s death. Honestly, I’ve read and thought about it so much that I just don’t really feel like going into much detail, but in general a lot of the things Yoko did seem to be brushed under the rug.

Least favorite look from a Beatle(s):

Need I say more?

Really though, I don’t have a care for the facial hair John and Paul had in 67, and again later on with their beards. I think they just looked better without it, when you can see their whole face. There’s also the underlying struggles they were dealing with at the time that brought on those messy looks, which makes me more sad than anything.

Favorite look from a Beatle(s):

I’m just gonna list my favorites for each of them and then my favorite pictures or gifs of them because why not.

How I Won The War John is beautiful and I can’t explain why, he just has that special something. I also have a thing for 64-66 John in hats-

Honestly everything from 63-66 is great for Paul. He looked pretty much the same to me during that time period, just with his hair gradually getting longer.

He also had his moments in 67, after he got rid of the mustache (that’s how I feel about John in 67 too)

I could go ahead and say just about everything for George honestly because I’m weak for him. But to pick absolute favorites, then I’d go with 65, 67, and The Rooftop Concert.

I absolutely adore 63 and 64 Ringo to no end. He was just adorable no matter what.

For the whole group together, I think my favorites would be their Shea Staduim or A Hard Day’s Night looks. They make my heart melt.

Anyway, that was a lot of rambling and I definitely didn’t need to write as much as I did, but what can you do? Thank you again for the tag! On the off chance that anyone sees this and wants to do it, go ahead! Peace and Love <3

[earwaxinggibbous]

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019

So 2019 was kind of a weird year, wasn’t it? Not just for like, life, though it was weird in that aspect, but in music.

I can’t tell if 2019 was an incredibly strong year for music or a weak one. This, to me, is a sign that we’re transitioning into a new era of popular music. The youth are once again taking the reigns of the music scene as did the punks of the 70′s and the grunge kids of the 90′s. Meanwhile, the oldheads flounder for relevance in the face of this new adversity. “Nobody could’ve expected this!”, said no-one ever.

There was a lot of great pop this year, which I will get to, but there was also a lot of bad pop. All of it was either by shitty new artists who have no talent or previous hitmakers swimming around in their own piss. Regardless, it was all interesting to look at. You won’t see any “this entry is short because this song is boring” sections. I also won’t have to rant and rave constantly about the reprehensibility of certain artists, though it will come up. So I guess 2019 was a better year to talk about bad music.

Less do dis.

10. Senorita - Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes

I can’t explain why I hate Camila Cabello so much. I didn’t even realize I hated her until, like... now.

I thought Havana was okay, and her work with Fifth Harmony was tolerable, but every other single she’s dropped has been fucking excruciating. Bad Things sucked, that one song where she can’t pronounce the word “heroin” properly sucked, and this song sucks.

Much like Selena Gomez above, Camila Cabello is yet another female singer who lacks the ability to display any chemistry with anybody, even her actual real friend Shawn Mendes. As well, like sister Gomez, she fills the chart niche of sexy Latina women for men to drool over. “I love it when you call me senorita” is one of the corniest and stupidest lines ever written. She may as well have said “it gets me hot when you call me Ms. Cabello” because that’s essentially the equivalent. 

There’s nothing sexy about the airy whimpering or the obnoxious “ooh-la-la”s or the way Shawn harmonizes, which implies he also loves it when you call him senorita. Nobody actually bothered to think any part of this song through because nobody ever thinks very hard about writing Camila’s songs. Otherwise Bad Things wouldn’t have accidentally sounded like an abuse anthem when it was supposed to be kinky and sexy. And it’s how creepy lyrics like this got by in Senorita.

If he says you’re just friends then you’re JUST FRIENDS. Did we learn nothing from Ann-Marie and Marshmello last year?

This is just yet another lame, plotless, meandering love/sex song by Camila Cabello who has a good voice, but only ever performs these god-awful sex jams with no sex and no jam. And it’s unfortunate because this is sort of the lot dealt to most Latinx artists. Pop-friendly artists like Camila are divvied up into racial categories without anyone even noticing, and most likely she will only ever write and perform sex jams because that’s what a Latina woman in pop is pushed into. Not that I think she has any problem with it, it’s more indicative of a bigger problem than specifically one with Camila herself.

People have been sexualizing the Latinx community since the dawn of time, and while the new movement of Spanish music might change this, it sure as hell hasn’t started yet.

At least it isn’t seven minutes long like Te Bote.

9. Money in the Grave - Drake and Rick Ross

Drake had 25 hits last year, and only one of them was a song I might say I actually like. I remember I said there’d be no boring songs, but... Drake hasn’t been interesting in a long time. Even when I found out about his secret son, or the fact that he was with a significantly younger woman, I just kinda shrugged and said “oh”. Drake has to be on his way out. How much longer are people going to stand this?

Money in the Grave isn’t as turgid as 2018’s Nonstop, or as audibly inept as the 2017(?)’s Pop Style, but God. At this point, every Drake song sounds the same. The man is incapable of bringing forth any kind of emotions, his beats are pathetic drum loops, nothing he writes has any personality. It’s almost funny how boring his music is.

Rick Ross, if you remember him, was known in his time for writing shouty drug dealer anthems. He yelled a lot, and I was sitting with bated breath waiting for him to fucking 6ix9ine scream over this track, only to be disappointed when he lowered into a calmer register for this tune. Drake even made Rick Ross boring, and Rick Ross is one of the funniest bad rappers I can think of, aside from like, Soulja Boy.

I no longer understand what niche Drake fills. You can’t dance to this, you can’t get high to it, nobody’s gonna think you’re cool if you enjoy it, the lyrics aren’t even passably interesting. It’s the same rap cliches as always, perhaps with a new coat of paint, but said paint is the same color as it already was previously, and makes no change. 

No wonder Drake endorsed Lil Baby. Nobody else can equal his talent at sounding bored.

8. Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

So here’s an unpopular music critic opinion: I don’t like Billie Eilish.

I’ve known of her for a long time, and never once has she drawn my intrigue. I’ve gone all over asking people why they like her, and I’ve heard all sorts of answers. Her voice is good, her lyrics are good, her production is interesting, her subject matter is deep... whatever it actually is, I couldn’t tell you. But in the end, I basically feel the same way about her as I do about Twenty-One Pilots. She’s an artist in an oversaturated micro-genre who, despite being of lower quality than her contemporaries, managed to do something different enough that she rose up in the latter part of the genre’s life. In Billie’s case, it’s the trend of female alt-pop singer-songwriters who write about things like politics, feminism, and ESPECIALLY mental health.

Lorde was the original, but we also have Lana Del Rey, the more pop-friendly Halsey, Marina and the Diamonds, the dreaded Melanie Martinez, to some extent even Alessia Cara, just a whole bunch of them. They all had their own unique personality. Billie Eilish’s personality is that she has none.

Okay, I’m being a little mean. I do think that Billie’s music videos are actually very interesting, but good music videos does not a good musician make. Her voice is more of a phlegmy whisper than people let on, and her lyrics... like, what, what makes them so special? And why didn’t wish you were gay get ANY backlash when it’s basically just a backwards version of Little Big Town’s Girl Crush?

Bad Guy is the worst of her singles without question. Its beat, much like most of her songs, sounds like two people accidentally banged on top of the Cassio and somebody pressed record. Her voice continues to be boring and flat, for some reason she has to whisper everything, and the lyrics are some of the most mind-numbing shit I’ve ever heard. Which moron at corporate told the 17-YEAR-OLD to write a “steal yo man” song where she threatens to seduce my dad? Like, ignoring my own personal history with my dad, you are literally a CHILD.

Generally speaking, the song sounds like someone gargling mouthwash in my ear for a minute or two, but like, very quietly. Which is kind of pathetic for a song called Bad Guy. You sound like a pretty average guy to me.

It’s obvious from the music video that Billie’s main inspiration is grunge, and if that isn’t the case I’ll be surprised. The weird imagery and intentionally dressing like a homeless person to every public thing she does gives off big Nirvana energy. One could argue that Billie Eilish is a good segway into teaching the youthsters about the ghosts of music’s past. There’s just a few problems with that.

One: Bad Guy sounds nothing like a grunge song.

Two: Billie Eilish does not have a grunge voice.

Three: Billie Eilish just... isn’t doing it right.

Billie Eilish’s parents are two wealthy actors and she was basically born with the ability to get into the business easier than other people. I’m not saying that you can’t be a grunge artist if you’re wealthy and have a decent family life, but I am saying that Billie’s music doesn’t convey any kind of grunge appeal. There’s no roughness or rawness to it because she could immediately walk into a producer’s studio with a wad of fifties and ask for a sick beat. Her music displays no emotion, and emotion is the main draw of grunge. Like, Kurt Cobain wasn’t a very good singer, but he knew how to perfectly channel how he was feeling. Grunge music is about feelings, not polish. And Billie Eilish is all polish.

I’m not gonna get all angry because grunge is being gentrified by a tiny girl when it was originally started by broke heroin addicts and lesbians, but I am gonna get angry because her music sounds worse than albums made on a budget of 600 dollars by a guy who has had one voice lesson his whole life.

She should just go into modern art.

7. Worth It - YK Osiris

Originally I was gonna give this spot to a different song. Worth It was so immediately bad that it rescued Lil Baby from my list this year.

Don’t expect to be this lucky next year, bitch.

But we’re not talking about that squealing douchebag, we’re talking about THIS squealing douchebag:

YK Osiris. I have no idea where he came from, I think he was part of last year’s XXL Freshman Class? He’s more of a singer than a rapper, so I’m not sure why he was, other than the predetermined idea that all black artists in pop are rappers. I wouldn’t even call him a singer, because the man cannot sing.

At the beginning of the music video, you see dozens of paparazzi swarming around YK Osiris’ car as he exits with a girl. This is the set-up for the song’s impressive amount of self-fellating narcissism, as YK Osiris assumes he has fans. Who the fuck listens to YK Osiris? I mean, clearly someone, because he charted, but like... what does a YK Osiris fan look like? Do women actually like hearing him wheeze into their ear? Like BEES?

NO MORE BEES!

Hearing this fucking chicken nugget talk about whether or not I’m worth eet is the lamest thing. Why does she have to be worth it? Are YOU worth HER time? Who the fuck are you? The attitude is very, I guess, mid-70′s Paul Anka-esque. And now I’ve made you imagine a YK Osiris cover of You’re Having My Baby. I also remember Todd in the Shadows compared this song to Earned It by The Weeknd, but I dunno if I get that vibe.

I mean, Earned It is a song about like... BDSM sex, presumably. So that’s more of an “if you’re good master will make you squart” kind of thing. This is more some sentient dildo insisting that you prove his worth to him before you’re even DATING. That’s a red flag on the same level as meeting a guy who lives alone and still puts a lock on his fridge. Like, what’s in there? What’s in the fridge? Is it human meat?

The guitar solo in this song is the only thing about it that’s... worth it. ZING!

6. ZEZE - Kodak Black ft.Travis Scott and Offset

ZEZE is a bad song. Plain and simple. It’s the essence of bad.

It feels like... it wasn’t even finished. Like everyone involved came in the next day to finish tweaking it only to find out that it was already sent out to be published and sold. I feel like there are things missing. Like yeah, the steel drums are nice, but where’s the rest of the instrumentation? There’s a drum and a steel drum and then nothing. Why does this song feel so naked?

Kodak Black sure doesn’t help, still sounding like he’s half-man half-screaming rubber chicken and mumbling like an actual infant still figuring out the whole “talking” deal. It’s not like Travis Scott or Offset add anything. I can’t remember what they did. ZEZE sounds the way I imagine taking ketamine and cocaine would feel. This song is so amateurish, I almost have good will for it.

If this was made by, say, a couple of high school kids dinking around with a Garageband, I might find it a little cute. The problem is that this song was made by several Whole Ass Adult People who have enough money to not make shit that sounds like ZEZE. It’s cute until you remember that Travis Scott produced big sexy SICKO MODE and yet somehow his presence couldn’t make ZEZE sound like it was made on a higher budget than 20 bucks. Someone even put an echo on Kodak’s voice, like that’d make him ANY BETTER.

It doesn’t help that I have continuing ill will towards Kodak Black because he’s a sex offender and nobody seems all too pressed about it. (Some rappers even congratulate him for having a rough past, like yeah, I guess some of those serial killers really did deserve better, huh?) I won’t be satisfied until he’s wearing orange pajamas on an island far away, and until then my feelings stand.

As it is, ZEZE is a song so chintzy-sounding and lame that I can’t imagine who would enjoy it. This song has the same energy as one of those hula girls you put on the dashboard of your car: Cheap and ugly.

5. The Git Up - Blanco Brown

Whenever something new is created, there’s always a leech.

I probably don’t need to tell you about the monstrous year Old Town Road had on the pop charts. For weeks and weeks, Lil Nas X was blocking people from his throne at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, bumping off new faces like Billie Eilish and oldheads like Taylor Swift. Old Town Road knew no mercy. This is the year that a gay black kid singing about horses ruled the world.

And Blanco Brown wanted a piece.

Blanco Brown is one of those artists who started out producing and writing for other hitmakers. He worked on some song by 2Chainz, a couple by some woman named Demetria McKinney, he produced that accursed MILF song by Fergie, a lot of relatively famous people. But he looked at Old Town Road and realized that he, being a black man from the lovely state of Georgia, could also do that.

He could not do that.

The Git Up is a husk of a song, only validated by the fact that it achieved what it was aiming for: TikTok memes. It’s as shameless as Watch Me, but doesn’t even have the small sense of excitement Silento gives off. Blanco Brown’s The Git Up and the “challenge” that it’s attached to are pathetic. The only reason Blanco isn’t too ashamed to go outside after writing this is because he knows plenty of people have fallen into his trap, and that they’re bigger fools than he is.

I started off hating Old Town Road, but over time I’ve sort of come to love it. There’s innocence in it. Lil Nas X didn’t mean for it to be a number one hit, it just happened. A lot of artists were trying too hard this past year, and I suspect it’s why Old Town Road made the pop charts its bitch. It didn’t have to try.

A lot of people will point at rock bands for being “fake”. If they draw inspiration from grunge or punk, and they don’t have the proper edge, many will point and laugh. But just because something is fun and hip doesn’t mean it’s easier to make. In fact, I feel it’s a lot easier to tell if someone’s making a shitty pop song for any reason other than themselves. A lot of people thought Lil Peep was faking, and he really, really wasn’t. There’s grey area in topics like depression, but Blanco Brown (and anyone like him) is as transparent as a window. I see through his mock-excitement, his cute little dance challenge, his “innocent” song. We all do.

I believe Tyler Durden put it best:

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

4. I Don’t Care - Ed Sheeran ft. Justin Bieber

Speaking of being fake...

I don’t know if Ed Sheeran realizes how embarrassing this song is. More than any other song he’s been involved in. More than Shape Of You, or that one song on Revival, more than anything. I Don’t Care is an exercise in humiliation.

Generally speaking, I don’t like Ed Sheeran’s music. I think he’s had a couple good songs, we all like Sing and Castle on the Hill, it’s not like he’s untalented. But every time he’s gotten a big hit these past few years it’s been so shitty or mediocre that I wanted to scream. I’m not sure why, but all of his fans seem to flock towards his worst songs. And of all of them, I hate I Don’t Care the most.

Usually the problems with Ed Sheeran’s music just revolve around his meek, tiny personality and his weird style of lyricism. The level of detail he gets into can be both an asset and a detriment. I remember I basically described Shape Of You as a virgin anthem, because Ed Sheeran exudes dorkiness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it comes to nerd music I’d rather take Thomas Dolby, but he definitely had a style.

I Don’t Care is Ed’s Intuition.

As in, the Jewel song. The blown-up pop song released by Jewel, a previously sincere folk singer who played acoustic guitar and sang about break-ups and The Media(TM) and stuff like that. Ed Sheeran is a lot like Jewel, if you think about it. Both of them are skilled lyricists who play acoustic guitar and sing about personal topics, and both of them suddenly decided to throw that away and make a sell-out pop hit. If this kills Ed’s career, they’ll have had basically the same musical trajectory.

Ed Sheeran opens the song by saying he’s at a party he doesn’t wanna be at, and that’s how the song feels. You, the listener, are at a party you don’t wanna be at. What good did adding Justin Bieber to this song do? Oh, right, that’s what made it a hit. I Don’t Care goes far beyond Blanco Brown’s brand of shamelessness. Blanco Brown specifically wanted a dance challenge hit. Ed Sheeran just wanted a hit. Any hit will do. He brought in guaranteed hitmaker Justin Bieber, tossed out his acoustic guitar for fully electronic production, and sang about something vague and already done. And the worst part is that it WORKED.

I imagine this was almost entirely through radio play, because this song is so radio-friendly and milktoast it’s unreal. With a stupid music video greenscreening Ed’s face onto shit and “ooh ooh”s and all, this song exists to pander. It wasn’t created for humans, rather, it was created for the pop music algorithm that’ll shove it into people’s laps without them asking. There’s no artistic integrity, nothing worth thinking about for longer than its runtime. It made it to the Hot 100 because it can be played in grocery stores and clothing stores and really any kind of store. Ed Sheeran is a God of nothing, and I can’t imagine he’s proud.

3. No Guidance - Chris Brown ft. Drake

This song is bad on every possible level. Starting off with the fact that it’s nine minutes long. It out-lengths last year’s overly long garbage fire that was Te Bote. 

And then you look at the credits and know exactly who’s to blame for all this:

I don’t know if Lil Dicky anticipated giving Chris Brown’s career a second wind with Freaky Friday, but I think that’s what he did. I defended Lil Dicky last year, and I’m still not clear on how much he actually wanted to work with Chris Brown since that’s not really the kind of thing famous people are honest about, but this wasn’t Lil Dicky’s hit. This was a springboard to launch Chris Brown back into the limelight. Earth didn’t even chart. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the last gasp of Lil Dicky’s career in the spotlight.

But I’d take Freaky Friday over No Guidance any day.

No Guidance is the formal beef-squash between Chris Brown and Drake. Apparently they both dated Rihanna at some point and allegedly had an actual literal bar fight. Despite Drake claiming he still loves Rihanna, he’s also choosing to publicly make up with and work with the man who got her hospitalized at 19 years old. Then again, Rihanna also wants nothing to do with Drake.

(source)

Over time, Drake has proven himself to be his own flavor of scumbag, a weirdo who dates younger women and pretended not to have a son. Perhaps this is his way of getting back at Rihanna. Or he’s simply using Chris Brown’s new power to bolster his own career. Regardless of why it is, it’s gross, especially when he’s dropping bars like this:

Someone else here is looking a little violent, no?

On pure quality, it sounds like every other Chris Brown song, just with Drake tossed into the mix haphazardly. It’s a lame song about hitting on some girl where both artists drop references to their old songs because that’s the easiest way for a failing artist to feign relevance. Assuming nobody features Chris Brown on another massive hit next year, there’s a fair chance he’s done for, and after years of oversaturation, the public finally tires of Drake. No Guidance is a nothing song with scummy shit going on behind the scenes.

RIP Lil Dicky.

2. 7 Rings - Ariana Grande

I never really understood the hype around Ariana Grande. She has a few songs that I enjoy, and her voice is very good, but nothing by her really stands out to me as an amazing song. Ariana stans are relentless. When I posted my review of the thank u, next album some complete stranger replied to it with “Uhhh ok sis”. Like barring the fact that I’m not a girl and we’re not related... it’s an opinion, calm yourself.

Frankly I don’t know how people enjoyed this song. Her stans are insane, but surely not that insane, right? I mean... this isn’t a song. It’s a MISTAKE.

Between Gwen Stefani and Ariana Grande, sampling The Sound Of Music for your pop song is a dangerous game. And really, she should’ve sampled like, anything else. Because nothing says “wealthy, savage girl” like a cute song about your favorite things, I guess!

I’ve never felt quite so immediately gross and uncomfortable as I did when listening to 7 Rings. I have no problem with women flexing, of course I don’t, but this isn’t flexing, it’s mocking. 7 Rings makes me feel like I’m being bullied.

Ari had a horrible 2018, and she’s more than allowed to flex a little, but I can’t imagine why anyone would want to essentially play the villain of a high school movie. She’s not Cher Horowitz or Regina George, because then at least she’d be entertainingly bitchy. I judge a flex anthem based on how much I get excited for the person being wealthy and cool. This song makes me want to commit a robbery.

The lyrical content isn’t the only bad element. It also sounds like shit! 

Ariana Grande is a belter. Everyone knows she’s here to sing and not... rap. Which is exactly what she does on this song. The filters she puts over her voice during the rapping sections are just... gross. When she drags out certain words it hurts my ears. That and apparently multiple people have accused her of stealing their flows, though that’s really hard to say since it’s an incredibly generic rap flow. Also, she samples Gimme The Loot by Biggie Smalls, a song about robbing people. Which makes sense because if you bought Ariana’s album, you were robbed! Congrats!

But in the end, the most damning thing about this song is its lyrics. Why should I be excited about this absolute bitch having tons of money? Why should I care when she has the gall to say shit like this?

There were ten writers on this song and nobody thought of saying “hey, maybe the phrase ‘happiness is the same price as red-bottoms’ is a little fucking shallow!” 

And I’m not making any judgments on Ariana’s character in real life. I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice person, but if this song was supposed to project some sense of camaraderie and a “we did it!” attitude, it fails. What it does project is a snide, rich girl looking down on you for not just buying yourself out of depression. Never write a song like this again.

Honorable Mentions

Happier - Marshmello and Bastille

I’m not gonna be the first to say every Marshmello beat sounds exactly the same, but every Marshmello beat sounds the same. I picked this one because it charted highest, but really it makes no difference which Marshmello song I pick on.

Sweet But Psycho - Ava Max

This song reads like a 12-year-old’s deviantART journal.

Drip Too Hard - Lil Baby and Gunna

Like I said, this song almost got on the list proper. It’s a slow burn. At first you feel like the beat is solid, and Lil Baby rides it decently enough, but then it keeps going and the flows never switch and Gunna basically sounds the same as Lil Baby and you begin feeling like you’re losing your mind.

Thotiana - Blueface

People kept memeing about this. I thought it’d be fun. I hate you guys.

God’s Country - Blake Shelton

Namedropping The Devil Went Down To Georgia does not make you Primus. Because you are not creative or interesting.

Trampoline - Shaed

I wouldn’t have even given this song a second thought except apparently it’s hit the alt-rock charts? Where is this rock? Like I get we’re pushing the boundaries of genre but I think the bare minimum of a rock song would be a GUITAR.

Knockin’ Boots - Luke Bryan

This song is dumb. But I’m oddly amused by how dumb it is, so it may live.

Baby - Lil Baby and DaBaby

Sometimes things sound like a good idea, and then they’re not. This didn’t even sound like a good idea and it proved to be an even worse idea. Something definitely could’ve been done with this, but Lil Baby is essentially a creative void that consumes all it sees.

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

Another song that’s too dumb for me to really get mad at. God knows, Capaldi is putting a hell of a lot of effort into something. What it is, I’m not sure, but he’s doing his best.

With those out of the way, we move onto

Number One:

You Need To Calm Down - Taylor Swift

"I AM LAID LOW BY THE HUMAN RACE. ME, AN INNOCENT WOMAN, MUST DEAL WITH ‘HATERS’ EVERY SINGLE DAY. MY HEART HAS BECOME WEAK WITH ALL OF THE UNKIND WORDS. DARE I SAY... I AM OPPRESSED?”

It’s ironic hearing Taylor Swift tell me to calm down. She hasn’t been calm for a long time. She sure as hell isn’t calm in this song. It’s basically the equivalent of someone screaming “I AM NOT ANGRY!”

Like, you’re... still mad about the snake thing? It’s been a few years now and you’re still bothered enough by an emoji that you referenced it in a song about how not-bothered you are? I mean, apparently this song (as well as ME!) is about celebrating individuality. It definitely is celebrating an individual: Taylor Swift.

I think a big theme of this year was “embarrassing”. The Git Up was embarrassing, I Don’t Care was embarrassing, but none of them are more embarrassing than this. You could probably do a list of the ten worst Taylor Swift lyrics and it’d be mostly this song. And if the lyrics aren’t terrible enough, it also blatantly copies the beat from Sunflower, the second-biggest hit of the year and a personal favorite. Like, a fellow critic remixed them together and the backing track is essentially unchanged.

And then we get to the gay stuff.

I’m not the first to point out that the underlying message of this song is pathetic at best and offensive at worst: “I have haters, and gays have haters, so we’re basically the same.” This is essentially Taylor Swift hoping she’ll get an invite to judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

There’s just kind of an eensy weensy problem.

Gay “haters” are like... ACTUALLY DANGEROUS.

They’re not just the goofy, protest-sign waving boomers she depicts in her music video. An internet comment is harmless. Homophobia isn’t. Homophobia leads to suicide, gets teens kicked out of their homes, causes hate crimes, it can cause incredibly serious harm. Someone sending you a fucking snake emoji isn’t the same as years and years of systematic oppression!

Does Taylor Swift have to worry about her safety when she tours in more conservative areas? Does she have to fear the possibility of losing friends and family ties when opening up about herself? Does she have to worry about letting the public see who she dates, beyond the usual celebrity drama? Do people shout slurs at her on the street? Do churches and politicians campaign against her right to marry?

Of course not.

Taylor Swift has always made everything about herself. She’s lied and been petty for years and years in her music. Imagine lying about KANYE. You don’t need to lie about fucking Kanye to make him look bad! He does it himself! She was the victim that time, and every time. But at no point until now did she stoop low enough to openly compare herself to oppressed groups because people are mean to her on the internet.

Like this isn’t even about articles or tabloids or anything, it’s about people being nasty online. The phrase “shade never made anybody less gay” is basically a crackhead way of diminishing our suffering. It’s not “shade” we’re worried about, Taylor, it’s having our fucking legal rights taken away. Your biggest worry is “haters”. Haters aren’t going to ban you from being married.

This song is phony, it’s a rip-off of a much better song that literally came out in the same year, it’s repetitive, it’s petty, and most of all, it tries to diminish the oppression of the LGBT+ community by boiling down all of our pain and suffering to simple “shade”.

I will not calm down.

Woo-ee. That was something alright. We’ll be moving onto the best list soon, if I don’t get caught up in my other quarantine activities.