#little doodles...these took me longer than i was expecting tbh

[satellitedusterart]

opera study + small doodle

[narahairline]

not necessarily a doodle prompt but like. since your characterizations mean the world to me id really love to hear what you'd do if you got the chance to write boruto :]

tysm!! im so happy they resonate with u!! 🥺🌻✨

my reply got way longer than expected so im gonna put a cut

also took this more seriously than necessary but my god. do i have opinions on this.. 🤪

tl;dr pretty much nothing the writers are doing gbhfjsdk just have it be ninja adventure slice of life

tbh theres a lot of things i feel just.. dont really work about the entire concept of it as a sequel

imo its pretty apparent that theyre struggling to form a cohesive plot based on a series that didnt have the most cohesive writing/worldbuilding/lore to begin with and there’s the whole issue of trying to shift focus on a new set of protagonists when the old ones are considered the strongest in their universe and literally killed a god. it leaves the writers with no other options than going even bigger and bigger (like idk. implanting boruto with aliengod.zip) and at some point it just feels.. very out of proportion and like the writers are struggling to bring it all together in a way that makes sense 🤔

not to even mention the original series theme of revolution resulting in... none of the systems changing... the protagonists complacency in the very systems that traumatized them, that became their drive to fight for change... idk its so disheartening lol

as for what i do think would work, its probably short stories or arcs 🤔

little snippets of their life like the hokage inauguration short, which i think showcased the best of boruto lol juxtaposing their everyday life with them all just having these immense powers, having the older and younger generations conflicts intertwine, showing them adusted/adjusting to a different life entirely

also really liked the anime’s mitsuki arc since it linked established conflicts from the original series to those of the newer generation in a way that doesnt alienate the viewer if they havent seen naruto. focused on processing the war and how to move forward, change things for the better, trying and failing. what it means to be human and what it means to create life. worked really well imo.

but yeah more of that basically!! how has the world changed, what remains, how are the systems changing; focussing the legacy theme on the last 3 generations instead of the otsutsuki

for example i really like the parent/child training filler episodes or the idea with the internships and differing career options lol (tho i still think they shouldnt make kids work full time jobs at age 12 but what do i know)

so basically just more of that!! and more actual change lol. when they said they hadnt done a single thing for ame in those 15 years.. oh rage. theres kids living in sewer systems.. literally killing themselves for an organization promising them the change they desperately want... sounds familiar 🤔

you know (boruto spoiler!!) maybe konoha deserved to have kara snatch some of jiraiyas corpse dna idk

all that being said i still think the best option for a sequel wouldve been one set ~5 years after the end of shippuden. have team 7 lead their own teams. have kakashi be hokage if there really has to be one. theyre still relevant, can still show their powers without taking away from the new teams developement too much. put more focus on how the world is changing after what happened with pain and the 4th war. show how theyre rebuilding and reforming the systems that lead to those events.

[allbeendonebefore]

Random ask but been bugging me a bit. What do you mean when you scan drawings? Like I've seen artists always mention about how they scan traditional drawing and upload them to their computer but like how??? Again sorry for the random ask, my baby brain is trying to gain big kid knowledge and experience lol.

I wh--

wha

what are they teaching you guys in school I

first let me preface this by saying you don’t ever have to be sorry to ask a question and even though i’m having an internal crisis about my age it is absolutely not your fault for not knowing and i am happy to answer and happy to help and i am not in any way trying to embarrass or poke fun at anyone but myself and also good thing you asked this this year when i actually have access to my trusty old scanner again lol.

groovy public service announcement with hip and modern music in the bg: learn to use a scanner not just for doodling but also for life!! old people will be amazed and astounded by your command of technology in a professional setting, it’s a life skill at any age. Using it for doodles is a great motivator.

meet scanner-kun

Step One: Draw a Drawing

i’m using scrap paper because i’m lazy and because sometimes fitting a sketchbook in a scanner is a hassle because you might have to hold it in place. (There are sketchbooks like grumbacher which come with removable tabs that i’d recommend for stuff you want to scan but dont want to tear out of your sketchbook.)

(its edward prince of the magpies)

Step Two: Pop it in your All in One Printer/Scanner that you totally definitely maybe have (or borrow someone else’s, you can do this for free at your local library and tbh their scanners are probably bigger) And Make Sure It’s Facing the Right Way Please

Step Three: Find the cables for your all in one printer/scanner that has been in storage for 3 years and actually hasn’t met your computer and needs to be introduced to it and thus you need to download the scanner app and oh my god this took slightly longer than expected aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(a newer printer/scanner would be easier but mine is an oldboi and my computer has had some issues in the past so it’s a few apps short of a brain) (Oldboi scanner connects to laptop-kun via a USB cable because it pre-dates wireless printers that are much more common these days)

There is a button on the scanner I could press, but it’s probably actually better and easier to do it by opening the scanner app on the computer because you should preview your scan first in order to crop it and make sure it all fits and isn’t at a weird angle etc etc.

Step Four: Preview your image and make any adjustments necessary. I’ve cropped it but I’m not messing with the settings (the resolution would be important if you plan to print the image later and you might want to change it from colour to greyscale, but if you forget you can still do this in your editing program of choice really easily.

Step 5: Hit that scan button

and voila, your scanner has created an image that you can save, put on a usb stick, email to yourself, print, or whatever.

The scanner did a pretty good job of ignoring the big smudge i’d made by accident near his face, but I will want to open this up in an editing program like CSP to make my sketch easier to see. Scanning tends to wash things out a little (and with reflective material it doesn’t always show up well)

My guess is that fewer people have printer/scanners these days because so much “scanning” can be done with a phone - there are scanner apps you can download to your phone that are a little more precise than just using the camera app and can take scans of things larger than would fit in a printer/scanner, I just don’t have patience for them and haven’t really used them.

Step 6: drink and contemplate your own antiquity

am i really that old does everyone just use their phone these days

Step 7: Editing your drawing

I won’t go into this because it depends on what program you use to edit but It usually helps to adjust the brightness/contrast of the lineart layer (I have this under Edit > Tonal Correction but it might be in a different spot in other programs)

and if your program also has level correction that’s really helpful with cleaning up lineart

as you can see it’s picked up all the gross smudges - so i move around these arrows to try to get them as clear as possible : ) I think the arrows are for white, grey and black respectively (or at least, bright, midtone, and dark).

in csp what I would do is hit “convert brightness to opacity” which should make all the white areas transparent so you can colour under the line art. You can usually achieve something similar by changing the layer to “Multiply” in other programs.

voila! Now you can use the sketch as is, draw over it or under it, make copies, whatever you want.

[swordmaid]

creator tag meme

tagged by the local angel @giuseppearcimboldo thank you so much lizzie!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

VERY happy i can fill this out because i’ve been so productive this year lol. also this is all gonna be jb bc ive been RELENTLESS and spamming and i would apologize but i wont lmao 

1. jb eros/psyche au.

i am talking about everything i have done for the au btw, because i’ve done quite a handful of things and honestly i really love all of them--even the doodle ones which rarely happens. anyway, i love this au in general. i think the tale is perfect for them, and i’m happy with the works that i managed to put out most esp this one that’s based on canova’s sculpture of eros and psyche. translating sculpture into digital art was interesting since it was all about converting the weight and structure of the sculpture into the screen and i think i managed to do it imo! i love how brienne looks heavy in his arms, i love how strong jaime looks holding her up and i especially love the way i shaded her dress to mimic the lines that the statue has. all in all, this au slapped and i actually want to do more of it but i have no inspiration right now. 

2. jb as classical art series. 

honestly i never thought that this was going to be a series lol i thought it was just a two time thing, but then i did another one, and then another one, and then another one and now here we are. i love all the pieces that i’ve done for it actually. my favourite thing is that they’re all not direct translations of the original art. there are some aspects that i’ve taken and adapted while also putting my own flair into it. i love the reverse colour scheme with klimt’s kiss and my own rendition of it. the gold being the accent highlight in a field of murky brown/black whereas klimt has the black squares present to emphasis the richness of the gold and yellows. i also like the little thing i did where i put the geometric shapes outside of the subject instead of inside (what he did). i put on the tags that i didnt like how it turned out but i actually like it lol i just didn’t like how long it took me i get too impatient with my art i think. anyway. i love this whole series sm i think all the pieces have their own character, and tbh i always get nervous adding another piece into this just because all the ones that i’ve done has been so well received i don’t want to be a disappointment lool. regardless, i love classical art and i love jb and i love being able to put the two together hehe we love to be self indulgent

3. la belle fleur sauvage commission. 

aka THIS commission that was based from SD’s fic, la belle fleur sauvage. some behind the scenes with that one--that one took me SO long to do, like it was taking longer than i had wanted and i felt very bad and i am forever thankful for sd’s patience 😭😭😭. i really can’t be too mad though since i was working on the third year of my degree, but i still would’ve wanted to finish it sooner than i did. but as for the art itself---i actually love it lol. i always say to zoom in on my stuff to see all the details but i WISH folks would zoom in on that because it’s so big and so intricate. i love how everything turned out; i love how rich the colours are, i love the composition for all three panels, i love how the SKY looked like actually that’s the first time i sat down and painted clouds with that technique and i am so happy and pleased with how it looked im using it for everything LOL, i love jaime’s outfit in the 2nd panel---i actually designed a whole outfit for that and he DOES have his pouches and daggers, etc. stuff that he would have with him if he was a mercenary, but because of the cropping, those details were taken out but it’s THERE. i love the colours and the shading on the 3rd panel. it looks so soft and romantic and it’s everything 😭😭. honestly i didnt know if i was able to finish whole three panels just because of how big the project seemed, but tbqh this piece really pushed me as an artist and im really happy that i had the chance to work on it (-’: 

4. early morning.

this one is a more recent piece and i was thinking post canon jaime/brienne married and either living in casterly rock or evenfall hall. originally the sheets were gonna be red with the gold brocade but i just made it green to make their location more ambiguous. they’re in a castle because of the finery, but which castle i have no idea. anyway i love their faces here in particular--jaime because it’s not often that i draw him old (this is the second time i drew old jaime i think?) and i love how he turned out here. i love how he looks like a silver fox and a dilf and we really do love that for brienne. full disclosure, i have no idea how to draw older folks since i don’t have a lot of practice in that area so im glad my lack of experience doesn’t show lmao. i also love how soft brienne looks here! the little smile on her lips is very sweet, her body language and how relax she seems is very telling abt her confidence in this scene also i think i drew her hands hella well haha. all in all i think it’s a really sweet art! and the full version is not so bad either jaime’s ass was referenced from marble sculptures so you know im aiming for Quality. but i love this headcanon of a younger brienne tiring jaime out, i’ve read a handful fics about it and im happy i can do my own version of it hehe 

5. unravel.

wow we love domesticity. someone said that if you compile all my ns*w art of them together it’s like they haven’t left their bed ever since they got together and you know what? love that for them it’s what they deserve. anyway i chose this one because of how sensual and simple it is. their body language really does all the talking ; jaime’s hand pulling on the ties on her shift, her hand on his hair, how soft and lazy their kiss looks--it’s enough to tell the story me thinks! i just love how simple this whole thing is but it’s very effective. there’s really not much to it besides what you see but that’s really enough.

i am actually very proud of myself with how productive i’ve been. it’s really not often that i get as much drive and energy to post so much art. iirc my art tag is nearly 200 content already (i think it’s 180 ish rn?) and honestly that’s a LOT if you told me ill be making more than 100+ content for jb i would’ve been like nah im too lazy for that lmao. but im really proud of myself this year! i think i pushed myself as an artist and i’ve familiarized myself more with my strengths as well as my weaknesses. i have a clear idea on the areas that i need to work on, and i’ve really gotten more comfortable with being happy with my own pieces and i’m trying not to put myself down more if something doesn’t go the way i want it to. also, i’ve had the opportunity to work with more people this year--so for the people who has commissioned me or IS commissioning me rn--- thank you so much for trusting me with your visions 😭😭 ive never expected to get this kind of reception with my art but i am very grateful for all of it. 

anyway as for the tagging i tag -- @na-bruma-leve / @dreadwulf / @dilfjaime / @fawnilu BUT i would highly recommend you to come along and snatch this tag meme up like a little raccoon because we all should start being proud of our own works imo !!

[nad-zeta]

Match up 🌠

Ahhh your match ups are so thorough and well written I am in love! I'd like to get one for myself if I could bother you🌸 I also hope I'm doing this the right way otherwise I'm so sorry 😭💕

I'm 20, female, dark chestnut hair currently in a short bob/bangs, brown eyes which can sometimes look kinda brick colored, round glasses... I'm 168cm and more thin than curvy.

I'm an INFJ-T with an emphasis on the the turbulent. Kidding- but really I love alone time. I'm a very naturally nocturnal person, I love spending time with people in bursts but I usually can only handle being around calmer people for a longer time. When I'm alone I have a lot of passions I like to work on, studying Japanese, music composition, guitar, playing strategy games, drawing and writing... If I'm needing physical stuff I like to try and self teach choreography from videos when I can. Depression+anxiety have been known to get in the way of these passions for sure- but in the past years I've sought a lot of help+treatment and while I'm not a generally positive person internally- I'm alright 😌💕

When I am with people, I tend to try and be very bubbly and kind- most people know me as a very silly and caring person(but 100% scatterbrained, and a constant worrier- I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my shoulders). I have a lot of trouble accepting any of that- but I have some very supportive people in my life banging it into my head... I am very easily flustered, and usually end up at the receiving end of teasing. I do pretend to dislike this, and I'm genuinely very flustered but truth be told- it's funny for everyone involved so I'm okay with it~ I do wish I didn't turn red in the face so easily though...

Worrier coming thru here... I don't know if this is too rambly or anything, feel free to let me know- but thank you so much for having these open and doing such great work with them. 💕

Hi, there love! Awwww you make me blush thanks so much for the kind words <3<3! I Hope you are doing well! Here is your long-awaited matchup! Sorry for taking soooooooooooo long..... Hope you enjoy it and have a good day!😊 💕

So I match you with……………. Mitsuhide

The night you saved Nobunaga from the fire; you ran for your life. After meeting Nobunaga and Hideyoshi, all you wanted to do were flee, and you did. You had run away so fast that you almost flung yourself of a cliff… Thank goodness for Yukimura! You were so startled and freaked out luckily there was a friendly face among all the unknowns, and that would be Sasuke. He explained the whole concept of time travel to you and asked if you would like to stay with him. You looked at the bunch of strange men, and they all looked fall less intimidating than the few you had met from the Oda forces. You smiled at Sasuke and gave him a small nod. And so you journeyed your way back to Kasugayama castle with the strange lot.

They were an odd bunch of men, but you had come to really love them and adopt them as your new brothers. The people of Kasugayama castle love your sweet, silly caring personality. You and Kenshin had especially hit it off due to your interests in strategy games. Kenshin had taken his role of overprotective brother very seriously. He will be the one to pull you out of banquets when he sees you getting tired from all the interaction. He is always there to help you and protect you whenever you are in trouble, and he would always send his army of bunnies to comfort you whenever you are feeling sad. 

One day you were out in the market shopping for some sake and sweet buns for the banquet that night. You were having a good relaxing time window shopping when some unusual music caught your attention. You followed the music and your eyes widened in awe when you saw a troop of dancers performing. You walked closer to get a better look, and your breath caught in your throat when you saw the most beautiful man you had ever seen, perform a dance. The choreography and music were spot on and almost made you want to dance along to the music with them. You felt absolutely mesmerized watching the white-haired man dance. His eyes locked with you for a brief second and you could have sworn that he gave you the smallest of smiles before he looked away. When the show was over, you were going to congratulate the troop on a beautiful show, but there were way too many women swarming around the men, so you decided to rather make your way back home.

As you were walking back, the white-haired dancer ran up to you and grabbed your shoulder to stop you. “Little mouse it seems you have dropped your coin pouch”. Your eyes widened in horror; it must have fallen during the show, you profusely thanked the mysterious man. Mitsuhide was definitely intrigued by this little mouse he had stumbled upon. He started to tease you and was most amused by the way your face broke out into the most beautiful blush. The two of you had some tea together as a thank you for returning the coin pouch to you. Mitsuhide teased the shit out of you during the whole tea date, not that you minded you found that you really enjoyed his company. After tea, the two of you parted never to see each other again, you had to admit that thought made you feel a little sad on the inside. 

One day Yukimura and Sasuke announced that they were going to go to Azuchi to spy on the Oda forces. You low key wanted to go along for the adventure. Needless to say, it took some time to convince Kenshin to let you go, but he couldn’t say no to his dearest sister’s puppy dog eyes. You were so happy and excited that he agreed. You and Sasuke entered into Azuchi disguised as performers while Yuki went disguised as a merchant. You were super excited to be able to use your skills, bringing joy and smiles to all the people around you. You and Sasuke would put on a little performance every afternoon. You danced and played the guitar. And Sasuke performed a one-man play. 

As you were dancing during one of your performances, you saw a familiar face in the crowed smirking up at you. “My my little mouse, I never expected to stumble upon you this afternoon, much less witness your beautiful talent”. Mitsuhide invited you back to his Manor for some tea and card games. Which you really enjoyed considering you have been playing strategy and card games with Kenshin, so you definitely gave this sneki boi a run for his money. You really enjoyed the calm aura he gave off; you could talk to him for hours without feeling exhausted. You and Mitsuhide landed up staying up all night chatting and laughing, he was low key surprised when he looked out the window to see the sun almost rising. “aren’t you tired little one”. “Nope, I’m just naturally nocturnal, plus it's in the peace of the night when I get the most work done”. He simply smiled his kitsune like smile at you and offered to walk you back home. On your way home, the two of you stopped and sat down on a park bench watching the sunrise together. The two of you spent a lot of time together after that night. Both of you would always “coincidentally” run into each other all the time and land up hanging out for hours.

Mitsuhide both loved and was concerned for your scattered brain clumsiness. He would constantly worry about you when you weren’t near him. He could swear you would lose your head if it weren’t attached to your shoulders. Whenever the two of you are together, he would insist on holding your hand “can’t let my dearest mouse get lost now, can I”. TBH at this point, Mitsuhide was madly in love with you, he loved your sweet, caring nature. He loves how you could talk his ears off for hours. He also really loves the small doodles you draw on the napkins in the various teahouses the two of you have been to.

He knew you were close with the people in Kasugayama, but he couldn’t help but be attracted to you and feel the need to make you his. One day Yukimura announced that the three of you had been summoned back to Kasugayama, you were honestly so deflated. You had just fallen in love with Mitsuhide, and now you had to go back home. You sat with Mitsu in his manor the day before your departure. He could tell that something had been on your mind. You had told him EVERYTHING. Honestly, he knew of your connections to Kenshin, but he was truly shook when you mentioned that you were from the future. You had also told him that you honestly didn’t want to leave just yet. Little did you know this fox was ten steps ahead of you and had already plotted a plan.

When you said goodbye, Mitsuhide sent you off with the sweetest smile and a small kisses on the forehead, nose and finally lips and promised to see you again soon. 

You were back in Kasugayama’s garden playing with the sweet army of bunnies when a small fox appeared carrying a letter. IT WAS FROM MITSU! He had said that we would see you soon. Little did you know the sly fox was in a meeting that very moment with the god of war. They had come to an agreement that Mitsu was allowed to see you, but if he ever hurt you, or if he causes you any tears, Kenshin would hunt Mitsu down and kill him. Mitsu smiled his fox smile and agreed. You were summoned to your brother’s room and boy oh boy were you confused when you saw Mitsuhide sitting there, without Kenshin having a sword at his throat threatening him. Kenshin asked if you loved the fox and when you replied with a small nod. He smiled at you and gave you his blessing. You couldn’t help but ran up to Kenshin and gave him the biggest bear hug thanking him. The second part of the agreement was that the two of you were to attend a farewell banquet for you that night.

The next morning you were off with Mitsu to start your new life together. The Oda forces welcomed you with opened arms. Finally, someone to keep their resident kitsune in check. Mitsu loved you so much and spent every second of everyday showering you with affection. He would always be there for you, especially when you were feeling anxious or insecure. He would wrap you up in his warm arms while soothingly stroking your silky hair. He would whisper words of reassurance in your ears to help ease the anxiety. Your favourite place in the world would be in is his arms. You love how Mitsu even respects your alone time, giving you some space when he sees that you need some time to recharge on his own

The two of you can often be found spending time together, whether it is just the two silently sitting in his room, enjoying each other presence or time spent cuddled in each other’s arms. One thing is for sure, and that is you are truly happy with the sweet kitsune and that you had found your new home

Other potential matches.................... Kenshin

Hope, you enjoyed it, love!  💕@tsuki-no-usagiii

[antivanbrandy]

this is... very long. read more at your own risk xD

honestly that addition to that post is really shaking me up because like, holy shit, this is something i have been beating myself up over for a long time. and in before any assumptions, no i do not begrudge these kids their skills or their success, it’s awesome they’re doing so well, and yes i support them, and no i don’t see them as competition! but i am absolutely my own hardest critic and i am constantly disappointed in myself, constantly disappointed it’s taken me 30 years to even start to find the right paths let alone head down them, it’s taken me twice as long to be half as skilled. i don’t have to be competing against others to feel let down by my own lack of progress

it never occurred to me before that i didn’t have a fraction of the readily available resources or support systems of today during my formative art years

i lived in a very strict household. there were two sets of rules there; the ones for everyone else, and the ones for me. i wont go into the guts of it, save to say that my stepfather saw me as competition for my mother’s affection and got satisfaction from taking it out on me

anyway, back on track: even in my earliest memories, i was constantly drawing. all day, every day. but my mother was poor and we didn’t have much. i drew what i could remember of the characters in the disney movies i’d seen, and i had two on vhs, aladdin, and the beauty and the beast. i watched them over and over and drew my lil heart out, but had no real references

when my mother met and married my step father in the mid 90s, the vhs’s were taken away. i was no longer allowed to watch movies, i was not allowed to watch tv. we didn’t have the internet at home, and we had no books. i wasn’t even allowed on the front lawn on my own, so when i say i had no references to draw from, i’m not exaggerating. but i kept on drawing, kept on trying to draw those characters i loved from memory. i did my baby best

in the early 00s i made a new friend at school, and she introduced me to anime. i fell in love with it. she would tape card captor sakura and digimon and bring them into school so i could watch them (we would get to homeroom an hour early and use the tv and vhs player in the room before the school day began). my art style turned into a lanky spiky terrible tryhard anime mess, but i was living. i continued to draw my little heart out, and fill my days with escapist self insert daydreams about my fave animes

this entire time, through both the disney and anime phases of my life, i was going through roughly an entire 500 sheet ream of printer paper every month to two months, as that’s all i had to draw on. i’m not exaggerating when i say i drew a lot. every spare moment i had was devoted to it, and i had huge folder upon folder upon folder full of my drawings

it didn’t affect my grades btw, i was an A&B student

a year or so into this anime phase, i got my first job, and used my pay to buy myself one of those terrible ‘how to draw manga’ books every other payday. i poured over every detail in them, absorbed them like a sponge. they were all i had to reference, all i had to grow from

bloody fucking hell, if i could only go back and slap those damn books out of my stupid, desperate, impressionable little hands, i would. they were poison. they taught me terrible clunky, wildly incorrect habits and practices. they helped crystalise so many bad anatomy habits that i am still to this day trying to unlearn. there’s no doubt in my mind that they, and my naive lauding of them, helped me stagnate and lost me years of potential progress

my parents wanted me to draw realism, but didn’t seem to understand that to draw realistically i needed to... you know... have references to draw from. i was not allowed to draw them, and i was not allowed to leave the house, and i was not allowed to buy any more books. they saw my inability to pull photo-realistic portraits from my ass memory as a personal slight against them

early-mid 00s i found deviantart through the school’s internet and got my first taste of community among artists, and i was instantly enamoured. i didnt have any art friends at school, it was just me. but suddenly, there was art at my fingertips! i made friends, made small progress toward improving. and then my stepfather found out, stormed into school, and demanded they block my access to the site. they did

i was banned from drawing at home. he took my shitty how to draw manga books away and was set to punish me if i drew. i was also at this time being threatened with being pulled out of school and sent somewhere ‘i had no friends'. i was barrelling towards graduation and my part time job took up most of my free time after school and on weekends, and i no longer had my fun hobby and stress relief outlet in drawing, or my art friends on deviantart. i drew when i could, like in a friends school diary, or on receipt paper at work, but my stepfather had a way of knowing everything and punishing me for all of it (this goes well beyond the art thing, but like i said i wont get into the guts of it because it's bleak as shit)

i left home less than six months after i graduated high school, and i had a brief foray into drawing cutesy gory horror themed stuff, but by then i was so used to not drawing that i just... stopped. i was working myself into exhaustion, going to uni, learning to manage living out of home, partying with friends, and juggling it all with my first serious relationship. finding time to draw felt impossible, and because my entire post-stepfather childhood consisted of me having everything i showed interest in derided and taken away, i was used to just... doing without. i just shut down and lost interest to protect myself, because pining is terrible

i all but stopped drawing for about six years. the occasional geometric pattern doodle while i was on the phone, or an eye. no proper drawings

in the end, the thing that got me back into it was when skyrim released in 2011. and it was hard. i knew i didn’t want to draw anime or kitschy cute horror stuff any more, that i had to find my own style, but it was so difficult to develop. i was in my mid 20s at this point, my shitty habits and expectations felt fixed and i didn’t know where to start. i gave deviantart another shot, but it didn’t feel like it fit any more, everyone i knew there was gone i couldn’t find my place. i met some friends, moved over to tumblr. bought my first tablet for my 25th birthday. bought some anatomy books, loomis and hogarth, but to this day i’ve not read them properly. tried to follow artist’s whose style’s i admired. i finally had access to tools and support i needed to improve

six years later, i’m still struggling. it seems insurmountable sometimes. i know i’ve made progress in that six years, but it feels... too little too late. i struggle with wanting to quit every day, and even now i only draw once or twice a month. the amount of art behind me could fill several landfills, they do make a sizeable chunk of at least one. but the road ahead is so overwhelming, and so long. i don’t know where to really start to get better. i know i should study realism, but at this point, even though i now have the tools, the references, at my fingertips thanks to, y’know, being an adult with internet access, i feel trapped by that little girl who kept getting all her attempts to improve shot down. i still feel like that silly little girl who wasted time and money on learning bad habits and bad anatomy. i feel held back, which is foolish, but i do

to wonder what i could have become with access to all this back when i was a teen? with a little support? i can’t even imagine tbh

but realising that i still managed to make it this far despite being cut off and isolated from any kind of community during my formative art years is comforting, in its own way. the thought of where to go from here is still so daunting, but at least i have access to the means for the time being. and who knows? maybe one day it’ll all click, and i’ll be able to make sense of the mechanics of all this. a girl can hope