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starlessea · 3 years

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Ultimate Guide To Writing Second Person POV

Y/N, You, and Everything in Between

Hey everyone, here’s another post for my writing tips series - this time focusing on how to write in second person.

As a lot of fanfics are written in this POV, you’re probably already familiar with seeing ‘You’ or ‘Y/N’ to describe the reader. But, I wanted to give a few tips on how to construct this type of character - keeping it accessible, whilst not making it too vague/general either.

1) The Reader Insert

One of the most common tropes in fanfiction is to use ‘Y/N’ in place of a character name. It is literally an abbreviation for ‘your name,’ and therefore allows the reader to insert themselves into the fic.

There’s a lot of debate surrounding the use of ‘Y/N.’ Personally, I think it’s fine, and I find it quite unfair when a lot of people show undeserved bias towards it. There is, by no means, any correlation between the standard of writing and whether or not an author uses ‘Y/N.’ It is just personal preference!

However, you must ensure the following things if you are going to use it:

Be consistent in capitalisation - it’s a pet peeve to see it rendered as ‘Y/n,’ ‘Y/N,’ and ‘y/n’ all in a single fic. Pick one and stick to it.

Don’t overuse it - something about the dash really sticks out like a sore thumb. I try to use it for emphasis mainly, like if someone is talking to the character in an emotional moment. But don’t forget that you can use VARIATION, too. Such as:

He called your name.

“Did you hear me?” She asked, and repeated your name.

“I’ve called your name three times now.”

“Y/N!” He yelled, over the sound of the engine.

If you’re writing a multi-chapter fic, keep in mind that although ‘Y/N’ is meant to refer to a general name, it shouldn’t always refer to a general character! What I mean by this is, nobody wants to read a long fanfiction where the main character lacks any distinguishable features, personality traits, or development.

Just because your pronouns and naming system is vague doesn’t mean your character should be! You need to give them distinguishable characteristics - even if it’s as simple as them liking music, having a specific family background, having certain speech patterns.

As much as we might be tempted to write as inclusively as we can, it is unrealistic to have a ‘one-size-fits-all character in EVERY scenario.’ One of the main points of criticism against ‘Y/N’ is that they lack DEPTH.

Another thing to note is that there are chrome extensions like InteracticeFics - where you can enter your name at the start of a fanfic and it’ll automatically replace ‘Y/N’ with it. You may have seen those little boxes on certain Tumblr posts that allow you to do this!

2) The Impersonal ‘You’

This is just a phrase I’ve coined to describe fics that replace ‘Y/N’ exclusively with ‘you.’ I almost visualise it as a sort of hierarchy of depth, or a sliding scale that goes from Y/N > Impersonal You > Personal You > OC.

What I mean by this is, if we think of an OC, they are often a fully fleshed out character. They’ll have a full name, age, appearance, background, likes/dislikes etc. Whereas, with Y/N and the Impersonal You, we can often get away with glossing over these things - or generalising them (but not TOO much, remember).

The Impersonal You is for those who don’t like the visual look of ‘Y/N.’ It is more traditional, and I find that it takes away from the reading experience less. However, there are still pitfalls with this form:

There is a lack of variation - unlike the previous example, here you can’t switch between ‘Y/N’ and ‘you.’ Often, you’ll find that your fics become completely littered with the word, since it describes both the PERSON (the pronoun, replacing he/she/they) and the NAME. So you may find yourself left with something like this:

You finished tying your shoes and look up at the man, already looking at you. “Are you done?” He asked. “I’ve been calling you for the last ten minutes.” You nodded, as he repeated your name to get your attention.

In that passage alone there was 8 instances of ‘you/your.’ In terms of correctness, there is nothing wrong with it. However, it leaves much to be desired stylistically.

You need to be aware of this if you’re writing in this form, and maybe carry out this visual exercise of ‘you’ spotting and counting to check. Instead, try to experiment with adverbs and playing around with syntax order. We could write something like this:

Tying your shoelaces, you looked up at the man to see that he was already looking at you. “Ya done yet?” He asked. “I’ve been callin’ for the last ten minutes.” You nodded, as he repeated himself to get your attention.

3) The Personal ‘You’

This form is the bridge between the Impersonal You and an OC. It is used to describe someone who is almost an original character, whilst still keeping them relatable. I like this example especially, since it allows for a lot of variation and style.

One of the fics I’m writing, for instance, is about a teacher. Therefore, although I use ‘you’ the majority of the time, I’m also granted the extra variety of ‘Teach.’ A lot of my other characters use that nickname to refer to her. So it’s a good idea to have some distinguishable features that can be used as identifiers - like a certain profession for example.

I’ve also read another fic about a doctor, where everyone calls her ‘Doc,’ and another one where the character is identified by the name of the gang she belongs to. So, it doesn’t always have to be a job - it can be hobbies, interests, an embarrassing secret, a pet name etc.

Here are a few examples:

“Hey, Sunshine.” He greeted, giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“Get over here, Teach!” She called, and you quickly ran over to hear people muttering your name.

“Well if it isn’t that biker chick I’ve heard so much about.”

“I want to get to know you better, Doc.” He said, and you started by telling him your name. “That’s pretty” He replied, trying it out for himself as he struggled to pronounce it.

4) General Points

Nicknames

As we’ve just gone through, nicknames, pet names, or little identifiers can be a great way to gain some variation - and give an insight into your character’s background. Even if you’re writing in the ‘Y/N’ form, you can use general ones like ‘sweetheart’ etc. to show the relationships between your characters.

Abbreviated Names

With these nicknames, or professions, try out the long forms but also abbreviate them for variation:

Doctor > Doc

Teacher > Teach

And have different characters say them in different ways, or use different ones to address your main character. For example, you might want to emphasise different accents.

Darling > Darlin’

A Nameless Character

It might even be fun to take a meta approach, where your character is consciously aware that they don’t have a name. I read an interesting fic where the reader ironically belonged to a group called ‘nameless’ - and that’s what people called her by.

Or, you could have a character with amnesia - and watch as other people give them an array of nicknames throughout your story.

That’s it for now! I hope you found this part helpful. Send me a message if there’s any other topics you want covered.

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ratsoh-writes · 4 years

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Hey there! I saw your post saying Matchups were open for the week??? If not just chuck this post into the garbage, lol. But if so, I thought I’d ask you for one!

Main personality traits: very creative (or so I’m told) quietly natured, prefer animals over people, I absolutely adore children! ( they’re so cute 🥺) I’m a mega loner(being socially inept does that) and awkward 🥲

Strength/weaknesses: my weakness is social anxiety, 100%. I even come of as rude because if I’m too uncomfortable I end up...ignoring you? I don’t mean to be mean I swear! I’m just...terrified? My weakness is also sweets. I just can’t resist- a strength of mine though would be that people say they find me very trustworthy and know I’ll be honest with them. (Not sure where they came to THAT conclusion, but-)

Pet peeves: where people figure out one of my phobias or know that I’m uncomfortable, and then TRY TO PUSH ME about it. Like, no I’m not blushing because I’m embarrassed, I’m blushing because I’m angry and on the verge of a panic attack. (I have a major fear of being angry in front of people and when this happens it only makes it worse)

Hobbies: writing 😌 any form of art (I mainly stick to drawing) and video games (I could spend a whole day lost in another world)

No nos in a relationship: might sound weird but, being too flirty? You’ll only trigger my flight or fight response and you really don’t wanna see me fight- 😂🤚that and being loud and obnoxious! (Also maybe no cussing? I know some people can’t help themselves but I have a bad past with it)

Physical features?: the only ones really worth mentioning would be my red hair I suppose. I’m the only one in my family with it! I also have glasses that I never take off (not a big fan of blindness ya know?) I’m also....a bit plus size 🤧 not sure if that matters or not but yeah.

You had two skeletons that were perfect for you! It looks like PEACHES (farmtale sans) won the coin flip

Peaches is truly a gentle soul. He’s great for any SO with anxiety or major fears. He’s not pushy at all and his lazy personality tends to put people at ease.

He’s also pretty easygoing as long as you don’t make fun of his voice or call him stupid. Peaches would understand that you have your insecurities and won’t poke fun at them. Just respect his back.

He’s also more of a casual domestic guy when he’s in a relationship. Raunchy flirting isn’t really his thing. He just wants someone he can hold hands with❤️

Dating peaches includes:

Petting zoo! If you like animals, then he has you covered. His farm is littered with them of course. There’s also a small gaggle of wild animals that he feeds and socialized. Not exactly the best thing to do but you have to admit that it’s pretty dope to have a raccoon eat out of your hand

He’s a bit of an artist himself! Peaches does photography! He’d adore it if you ever did any paintings or sketches of the pictures he takes.

You both wil just have to accept that the pie will always win. He’ll keep you from other sweets if you want, but pie man. That stuff is evil. It doesn’t help that it’s rancher’s favorite thing to make

Peaches isn’t an introvert or an extrovert. He just likes his farm and will be cool to have solo dates or go out. Your pick

#undertale imagines #farmtale #matchups

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notaburgler · 5 years

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Grocery Shopping

The grocery store. A place to gather the essentials, or if you were Soramitsu Tabe, a source of power. Normally, this was a solo job delegated to some subordinate. But Overhaul felt the need to go himself, the rest of his posse following behind.

They gave him a list of what to get, but Overhaul and his short fuse snapped, ‘if you all want this so bad, just come with me!’ He was regretting that outburst already.

It wasn’t that his men were unruly or loud; it was more so that Overhaul found solace in grocery shopping. It was a relaxing moment in time where he wasn’t the boss of the feared yakuza. He was just a simple civilian out getting the week’s food.

With his own reusable basket over one arm and a quick adjustment of his gloves, he was off. He did his best to ignore the ramblings of the rest, but since he was the one with the credit card, it was only reasonable that they would be bothering him with questions of whether they could get something or not.

He sighed. He did, in fact, ask for this.

Rappa, the rebellious and hot-headed man he was, just tossed what he wanted in the cart Chrono had grabbed. Why ask? He needed it, even if it was the sugar-coated cereal Overhaul hated.

But if he was trying to piss off the boss, he failed. Overhaul was actually happy he had just made the decision for himself. They were only down the first aisle and he was already getting irritated with the small group. Maybe offering to let them come along, even if it was out of anger, wasn’t the best call.

****

Arms crossed and a scowl on his face, Shigaraki grumbled, “Why do I have to be here?”

The league of villains had needs, too. It wasn’t odd to consider that their fridge needed replenishing, and even with a moderate, but small budget, Kurogiri would manage to get what was needed.

“Because Tomura Shigaraki, you are our leader and as our leader, you must make decisions for our little group.” Kurogiri stated, pushing the cart into the store.

The rest followed the two. They loved this. Dabi intended to cause a scene. Toga wanted Lucky Charms and a body pillow so she could draw a picture of Deku on it to sleep with. Spinner was still searching for the perfect lotion to help with how hard his scales had gotten. Twice was trying to stick to a diet, but the other half of him felt eating instant noodles and cookies for dinner was perfectly acceptable. Mr. Compress had a new recipe he found on Pinterest he wanted to try.

There was a fear that, since they were villains, they would be caught. But Kurogiri chose the store, and Costco couldn’t have been a better choice. It was huge and there were a lot of people swarming the isles. He insisted Shigaraki leave his hands at home and wear his hoodie. After a quick hissy fit, the hands remained behind and he tossed his hoodie up, ‘I’m not doing it because you told me to… I’m doing it because I want to.’ His stubbornness was endearing.

“Chrono,” Shigaraki perked up at the overheard name and glanced through the aisles, “make sure Tabe doesn’t eat us out of house and home.”

Overhaul. Shigaraki scowled at his voice. “Our funds are limited and we can’t use it all up here.” He continued on, Shigaraki following them as they walked down the aisle. “And make sure that Sakaki stays away from the liquor aisle,” Overhaul noted nodding.

Shigaraki’s glare was joined by Dabi. Both glaring holes through the yakuza boss. “Tomura Shigaraki,” Kurogiri gained the attention of his leader again, “we need your input.”

Shigaraki, being the adult that he is, had a new plan, “Kurogiri, you do the shopping. I have something else I have to do.” He said with a devious smirk.

****

“Boss,” Mimic rode in the child’s seat of the cart going over the budget, “here is what we can afford. If we can spend less, that would be ideal.” He held out his calculator, “don’t forget, we have to get a few things for Eri.”

Overhaul sighed, but he knew keeping the kid happy— or at least content— was important. A new doll house or a stuffed animal should suffice. Her daily food rations would come from what they gathered for all, but he did intend to get something a bit more fun for her as well. She was, after all, the reason he had gotten so far in his research. A nice gift would do the trick in maintaining her submission.

Overhaul glanced at his list, then at the prices, then back at his list. It should be doable with the budget Mimic had placed, but it would be tight. He had to remember that toilet paper and laundry detergent weren’t cheap; and with the monstrosity that was that store, and the countless opportunities to go over budget, he’d have to keep a watchful eye on what they got.

Overhaul scanned the men in front of him. “Get what you like, just don’t go too crazy.”

Chrono pushed the cart, Mimic had hopped to the floor and grabbed the lower items so Overhaul didn’t have to bend over or touch anything. The reason Overhaul preferred to go alone was silence and space. The selections he made were precise. He’d always grab the item farthest to the back so the least amount of hands had touched it. Mimic knew this. He handed it to Chrono, who plopped it in the cart.

The trip was surprisingly relaxing. Overhaul would hate to admit that his subordinates were quite well-mannered in public, even if they all didn’t look the part. They were polite and kind. A few of them would gain a passing glance and a look of horror from the other patrons, but that was expected. So long as they minded their manners and didn’t cause a scene, they would be left to do their shopping in peace.

With a half full cart, Overhaul stopped to examine their findings. Several extra bottles of wine gained Sakaki a glare. He quickly took a few out and returned them to the shelf.

An overabundance of food was crammed to the side like a rat hoarding food for the winter. “Tabe…” Mimic sighed, “I said only get what is needed. If you plan to buy all of this, get your own cart and pay with your own money.”

Again, the men scattered with their designated items as Overhaul scanned the aisles. He placed a few things in his cart and moved on. Chrono stepped away and Mimic followed his boss talking about how many extras were tossed in that weren’t on the list.

****

Dabi chuckled watching them leave, “Now’s our chance,” he smirked.

Shigaraki slipped into the aisle and pulled the cart back, Dabi pushing another into its place, “This always drives me up the wall,” he laughed as he got back to his leader.

Shigaraki went through their cart, checking it out and decaying anything he didn’t like. “Serves them right,” he huffed, placing all five fingers on a giant can of soup.

****

Rappa passed a free sample stand and stopped. He loved the store for this reason. Tabe would go nuts at these if it wasn’t for the looming threat of their boss scolding him— or worse.

“Care to try a sample, good sir?” “Come on, you loser! What are you? Scared?” The sample vendor was an odd one.

“Have I seen you before?”

“I don’t think so…” “Just try the food, you overgrown weasel!”

Rappa, as confused as he was, gripped the small cup in his massive hands. His eyes never left the strange vendor. He felt like he must have seen him before. Taking away the comically large chef’s hat and the pink apron, he looked so… familiar.

With a wondering glance, Rappa scooped the yogurt sample onto the tiny spoon and shoveled the entire thing into his mouth. “Well that’s damn good!” he said, reaching for more.

“Please, take another.” “Save some for the rest of the people, fat ass!”

Rappa left with a few more samples to share. He knew his comrades would enjoy them and there hadn’t been many other samples available that day.

“Here.” He handed one to Tengai and another to Tetsuno. “Free samples,” he said, eating yet another.

****

Overhaul walked alongside Chronostasis as they gathered more items and put them in the cart. There seemed to be a bit more than Chrono remembered before they left.

Chrono hummed to himself, “Maybe Hojo put more in. He didn’t want to come here to begin with anyway.” He shrugged moving along having a harder time with the cart than before.

It seemed that in the short time he had walked away, the back wheel to the cart had jammed up. He was using more strength to push the cart than before. And now the front wheel on the opposite side had a mind of its own too. If he did manage to get the cart moving, the front wheel would flip in the wrong direction and send the cart hurling into the aisle. He grit his teeth, bearing it with stoicism. Overhaul hated complainers.

It was a petty thing to be upset about, and his boss had no patience for the like. When they arrived, Chrono made well and sure that the cart he grabbed was perfect. He made an ordeal out of it holding the lot of them from even entering the store before he selected it. If Chrono had a major pet peeve: it was a faulty shopping cart.

His pride, and dignity, prevented him from returning to the front of the store and getting a new one. He was a leader in this group after all; and after making a big deal out of which cart to grab, he couldn't turn around and claim his selection unworthy. No, Chrono would have to bite his tongue and press on, fighting the urge to admit defeat via a shopping cart.

“Everything alright?” Overhaul hummed.

Chrono forced the words out as he powered through the stubborn cart’s resistance. “Yup. No problems here,” he said, breath strained.

He kicked the wheel hoping to knock it back into place so it would work properly again, but to no avail. It was as if this cart had been struck by his quirk. And now, Chronostasis would suffer for it.

****

Shigaraki and Dabi chuckled at the sight. He hadn’t even noticed that their new cart was littered with junk food and frozen items. Dabi made sure that the frozen food was at the bottom and had been thoroughly thawed out before exchanging the carts.

“Stupid yakuza.” Shigaraki snickered, sneaking away as they turned a corner, out of the other villains’ line of sight.

The two caught up to their own small group reassembling in the frozen food aisle.

“Spinner…” Dabi pointed.

Shigaraki glanced at his reptilian ally and a wicked grin spread across his face. With a ‘borrowed’ can opener, Spinner opened some tuna.

His eyes flicked to meet Shigaraki’s and he locked up in fear. Yet upon seeing that sickening smile, he proceeded with his plan knowing his leader approved.

With a short grunt, he tossed the can over the tall row of food. Shigaraki and Dabi, now hiding behind a stack of potato chips and pretzels, watched as the can landed just behind the group. The yakuza pressed on without noticing the splattered fish a few feet away from them.

Shigaraki nodded to Spinner as he hastily opened another can and adjusted himself according to Dabi’s directions.

A step to the left, then to the right. A small shuffle back to the left and he was in place.

****

Overhaul glanced inside the freezer for his favorite meal and nodded to Mimic to grab a few. He graciously plucked the food from Mimics hand, paying close attention as to not touch him, and gently placed them in his basket.

“Boss,” Mimic scooted along the floor, “we come to Costco, the bulk capital of the food world, and you shop with a tiny basket?”

As Overhaul began to answer, a can of tuna fell from above, landing between them, and splattering across the floor.

Overhaul held back his urge to destroy everything in sight. This trip was turning into a nightmare. His men all stopped and stared, wondering what the boss would do. His arms held out in disgust and a rancid look on his face made them fearful of the outcome of this mess.

Overhaul took a deep breath in and let it out slowly with closed eyes. He had a reputation to uphold and couldn't go killing random citizens because of this. If he was going to continue his experiments, he needed to keep a low profile; and murdering people in such a public and crowded place would not help him in the grand scheme of things.

“Well!” Mimic yelled, “get something for the boss to clean himself up!”

****

Kurogiri was enjoying the silence. On occasion, one of his comrades would pop by and toss something in the cart. They would leave as quickly as they came, off to grab another useless item. He would spend a moment looking it over and deciding if it was worth the money. Most of the stuff the League of Villains would throw at him was junk food and unhealthy. He had tried so hard to get them off of this instant noodles and chips diet, but Shigaraki was a tough cookie to crack. He was so stubborn and hard to convince that a healthy diet would help his work later.

He tossed a few bags of chips back on the shelf and shook his head at the amount of soda and energy drinks piling up at the bottom of the cart.

“You can have one or the other.” He said putting back the energy drinks and changing them out for coffee instead, “this will be much better for you anyway, Tomura Shigaraki.”

Kurogiri really was the glue that held the League together. Without him, they would have already been caught by the heroes or starved. He took pride in his position, and made sure that at least once a week, a good hearty meal was on the menu.

****

Overhaul cleaned up the best he could. His pure, unadulterated rage had calmed to a gentle frustration. Clorox wipes definitely helped. He could still smell the fish on his pants, but at least he got the majority of it up. Now he didn’t care about getting what was on the list; he just wanted to go home and take a properly scalding shower.

The next aisle was his favorite though. A soft heat throbbed in his chest. His eyes sparkled with a ray of happiness. The once fuming aura of pure disgust was erased and replaced with a shimmering delight. He passed a wet floor sign and stepped around a large puddle of detergent on the floor and stopped to admire the beauty.

The soap aisle.

The bleach. The detergent. The smell of freshness. It made his heart, as black and emotionless as it was, flutter in his chest. This aisle was as dangerous to him as a liquor store was to Sakaki. If he didn’t have someone stopping him, he’d end up buying the entire aisle. Luckily, Tengai had come to his side seeing him alone.

“Boss,” he piped up, catching Overhaul off guard. “Only get what you need.”

Overhaul hated being told what to do, especially by those he deemed expendable like Tengai. But he was right, they couldn’t afford to spend so much money on cleaning supplies. With a hopeless sigh, he placed the box of gloves in his basket and moved along to the detergent.

“Got the coffee.” Rappa stated, rounding the corner.

Tetsuno followed with the tea in hand. With all of this, they wouldn’t have to get more for quite some time.

All three men suddenly stopped in their tracks as they moved along, Overhaul leaving them behind.

“Oh….” Tetsuno gripped his stomach.

“Oh man….” Rappa whined.

Tengai remained silent, standing still.

“What’s wrong with you three?” Overhaul looked back at them with raised brows.

“Bathroom… now…” All three collectively turned and rushed as one toward the restrooms.

Before they even managed to leave the aisle, they slipped on the puddle of detergent. All three tried so hard to use the others as a means to stay on both feet. They were sliding around, a moving pretzel of villains, before inevitably falling flat on their asses.

Overhaul ignored them, enjoying the sweet scent of the detergent. He took in a whiff of the fresh linen smell and smiled. Even through his mask, he could smell it; it was wonderful. But that scent was quickly destroyed by a truly awful smell. He glanced back at his men, all three of them looking ashamed and embarrassed.

Rappa growled. “This is your fault.” He held Tengai by the shirt collar.

“I don’t understand how this could possibly be my fault.” He rolled his eyes trying to hide that he too, had shit his pants.

“Who cares whose fault it is…. I need new pants now.” Tetsuno scanned the aisles until he saw the clothes.

He made a beeline for them hoping the smell wasn’t as bad as it felt.

****

Toga held back her laughter, clutching the wet floor sign to her chest in glee. All she wanted was to watch them fall. Watching the light leave their eyes as they voided their bowels was the delicious cherry on top she desperately needed. It was sweet, sweet payback for what they had done to poor Big Sis Magne.

Shigaraki had called a truce with them; but that didn’t mean messing with them was out of line with her leader’s orders.

She chuckled, pinching her nose. “Nice job Twice. Laxatives in the yogurt samples… classic.”

****

Katsukame scanned the bulk dry foods section. They needed more rice and he was selected to get it. Normally, he would grab a large bag of it from another store, but being on a tight budget made him come here.

He grimaced at the faint scent of feces and shook his head, “Damn kids.” He glared at a mother and baby.

The white rice was on sale too. This was a good thing. Any deal they could get would be a winner, and anything to get praise from the boss or Mimic was a good thing.

He would never outwardly admit it, but he loved the praise he got for a job well done. He loved being the go-to guy. Getting the job done right the first time was his life’s motto.

“Lucky me.” He said, hefting a 20-pound sack in his arms.

He walked the store in a bit of awe— this was his first time in such a large establishment. The free samples, the huge variety, the giant TVs, even furniture! What didn’t this place have?

He made note of a rice cooker he passed. The one at the hideout was getting beat up from its constant use. Once he got paid, he might come back and buy it for the group. They all had been working so hard lately and a nice treat like this would be appreciated.

****

Dabi followed Hojo around the store wondering what he would select. He’d scan a few items and pick them up to examine, but never bring them back with him. He seemed to be looking for something specific but couldn’t quite find what it was he was looking for in the vast array of gifts this store had to offer.

He hummed, holding up a bundle of leeks. “This should do us well,” he said, placing them in his grocery bag and continuing on.

He was looking for ingredients for a recipe.

Dabi kept a close eye on him and his mission, each ingredient thoughtfully selected and put into his bag.

“Now for some sugar.”

Dabi cackled lowly and slipped past him. Hojo’s attention was directed towards the commotion in the detergent aisle. He could only assume someone had told his boss he couldn’t buy it all.

He shook his head, “Fools. Just let the man get what he wants.” He dropped the sugar in his bag and moved along.

****

“I don’t get it?” Shigaraki huffed at Dabi’s seemingly stupid move.

“His meal is gonna be great. But replacing salt with sugar is gonna make it even better.”

Shigaraki grinned. This evil work was more fun than he had thought.

Tormenting the Shie Hassaikai. This was a great stress relief that even he wouldn’t think would help. The undeniable desire to get even with the man that not only belittled him and destroyed his hideout, but also killed his comrade was fulfilling.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention.”

The loudspeaker cut off his next thought. That voice was familiar. “Toga…”

“The young man in the plague mask and green coat has had a horrible day. He’s in the detergent aisle. He loves getting tightly hugged and cuddled when he’s feeling down.” Shigaraki’s smile split his face. “If you see him, please, give him a big hug and tell him how important he is. Suicide is not an option and many people will miss him.”

“Thank you!” “Tell them he loves it when you touch his dick.”

“Shut up Twi-”

The crackle of the loudspeaker screeched before turning off.

****

“Oh no…” Chrono left the cart in Nemoto and Mimic’s hands and dashed to his boss.

With how busy the store was, there was already a small crowd surrounding him. This wasn’t good. If even one of them touched him he’d break out into hives and start disassembling each one of them.

“Please, everyone.” Chrono announced making his way through the small gathering, “the boss is fine. There is no need to hug or touch him. We, his… friends, have made sure he won’t do anything drastic. Return to your shopping.”

An old lady passed, “here’s a candy young man.” Her voice broke and sweet like a grandmother.

Her wrinkled smile flashed to the young boss. He wasn’t the least bit amused by her presence. He already felt his skin start to bubble just from the people looming around him so closely.

****

“Clean up in the detergent section... and the clothing section…”

Twice snickered as he and Toga tiptoed off, seeing Sakaki stumble past them. They couldn't get caught yet.

“Hey,” he reunited with Shigaraki and Dabi, “this is fun!” “Let’s make them cry!”

Dabi rolled his eyes. “Calm down. Where’s Spinner?”

“Right here.” The lizard man’s smile made them all giddy, “just had to take care of a…. rice situation.”

****

“Boss,” Hojo waved, “I got the rice like you asked.” He held up the bag by the cloth handle.

Half empty, rice trickled out of the hole in the bottom. Overhaul watched silently as it continued to drain out onto the floor in front of Hojo, a small pile of rice forming at his feet.

Hojo kept his hand up, letting the last few grains fall before lifting his gaze to the boss. This was embarrassing. His one job, the only job he was given, was a complete and utter failure.

He fell to his knees, “I’m so sorry boss!” He begged for forgiveness, “Please, let me try again!”

Overhaul was over this trip. He was frustrated and irritated— not to mention he still smelled like tuna. The store reeked of shit and half of his gang had somehow been hit with an illness. He’d have to correct that before getting into the same automobile as them. Maybe he’d just leave them behind and make them walk. A good brisk jog should do them well.

“We are leaving,” he sighed. “Gather the rest.”

Hojo took his orders seriously and rushed to get them together. Mimic and Chrono had made way to the checkout counter and waited as Overhaul grabbed a few more things he needed.

He stopped for a moment and closed his eyes. This trip was bringing shame upon his group. A rice trail scattered along the floor showed exactly where Hojo had gone. An exceptionally large pile of rice sat in the lingerie section; what an embarrassment.

He still needed something for Eri. She hated the tea set he got last time. Refused to play with the doll house from the time before. She loathed the stuffed animals. Normally this task would be given to her caretaker, but an unfortunate ‘accident’ rendered him useless and disposed of immediately.

Overhaul lifted a giant sucker up and examined it, “this should do.” He dropped it in his basket and headed to the checkout stand.

He passed Tetsuno, Rappa, and Tengai getting escorted to the back. For a moment he panicked, but seeing the clothing section a mess and covered in layers of runny shit made him turn a corner and go the longer way. Somehow, those three managed to get sick at the same time. It was disgusting. He had settled on it, those three would walk home. Either that, or they’d be sprayed with the hose outside before getting into the same vehicle as him. The thick stench of human excrement was filling the entire store.

“What an embarrassment…” he shook his head.

Once at the checkout line, he felt the calm return. It was almost over.

Chrono and Mimic knew better than to place the groceries on the conveyor belt without him. He had a routine and a method and he wouldn’t allow anyone to mess it up.

Frozen food first, then the fresh meats, a blockade of boxed or bagged items to keep the meats from touching anything, and the fresh veggies. Last was the cleaning supplies and his own basket of items. The checkout lady knew him from past visits and prepared to separate his basket from the rest.

“Boss, I don’t think we wanted this…” Chrono held up a box of plus size tampons.

“Or this…” Mimic showed the bulk extra strength deodorant.

Chrono looked over all of it, “none of this is ours!” he stated furiously. “Someone switched our god damn cart!” He gripped the handle to hold back his anger.

Overhaul remained silent. He grabbed his basket and went to another line, “I’ll be in the car when you are done returning all of this to the proper place and getting what we need.”

****

It took forever, but with teamwork and cooperation, they all managed to get what they had come for and out of the store without any more incidents. Rappa, Tengai, and Tetsuno were given adult diapers to wear home after cleaning up in the employee locker room.

The clothing section was closed off and was still getting cleaned as they checked out and left. “Finally!” Chrono groaned.

They quickly started to pack up the SUV. All they wanted was to get out of there as soon as possible.

****

The League of Villains excitedly packed the car. Shigaraki knew he could trust Kurogiri to get what was needed. He did throw a bit of a tantrum when Kurogiri didn’t buy the chips they all asked for, but they would get over it soon enough.

“Compress,” Dabi got his attention. With a hum, Mr. Compress turned. “What exactly were you doing this entire time?”

The league rolled past Overhaul and his gang— windows down and sunglasses on. Dabi took it upon himself to blast some gangster rap to try to look cool.

They smiled, waving at their rivals. Overhaul’s eyes widened as he finally caught on to why this particular trip was such a disaster.

Mr. Compress smiled. He hung out the window as Twice slowed. With a snap of his fingers, their entire car practically exploded. Canoes, couches, TVs, bookshelves, refrigerators, all of them came bursting out of nowhere, effectively destroying the car and everything inside of it. His quirk had come in handy, dropping small marbles into their bags as they left.

Shigaraki, making eye contact with Overhaul, nodded and puckered his lips as he flashed the peace sign like the gangster he is.

Twice sped away laughing.

Shie Hassaikai would never forget: members of the League of Villains were petty and cruel.

#overhaul #8 precepts of death #leauge of villians #shigaraki tomura #dabi #bnha fanfiction #bnha #my hero academia #funny shit #revenge for magne #Shigaraki is a dick #the league gets revenge #overhaul never saw it coming #I still laugh reading this #please like this #please tell me im funny

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zebraslovescupcakestoo · 4 years

Text

Awkward Encounters While Walking My Friend’s Dog

I was in my office and just finished my paper work for the day. It was a rare occasion that there's only a minority criminal activities and we didn't had any emergency calls yet so this is a very good day so far. Fortunately, my chief told me that I can take the rest of the day off after so I'll take this chance to relax a bit at home before the kids comes home from school by Sheba's turn.

That is until I saw someone at my door who rarely wore a navy blue jacket and I knew him well enough that he doesn't wear it without a good reason. “Sam, are you attempting to shop lift right in the station?” I asked him. He shushed me. “Hey! Are you done? Kit told me that you've don't have much today. We need to get out ASAP with you.” Did he said we and with me? Who is he talking for and... why does he looked a bit bigger with that jacket that he rarely used? Lawyers do have a three piece suits but Sam had his signature yellow sweatshirts on most days and doesn't take the coat parts unless he had to.

But then I heard am animal noise and some wiggling... then it made sense.

I have a friendly dog who likes to run around You may have seen us on our daily walk

Sam have brought his dog today! “Sam, why are you hiding Tia-” He hushed again. “Félix, just finish that sh!t and let's go. I don't wanna deal with any more pot-heads today!” He really doesn't liked being with people that he gets 'bad vibes' from. I know that he's hard to get along sometimes, but I know him well that he's a really nice guy and hopefully one day he can be a bit more nicer... “Alright, just let me report these and then 'we'll' head out. That poor girl needs air.”

We frequent the river and the parks around the town When I see someone I know she'll always let me stop and talk

When we exited the station without drawing suspicions, Sam finally let out his boarder collie, Tiara. She's a very friendly and beautiful dog. I'm also her favorite human next to Sam. It might come to a surprise that I'm a bit fond of dogs but not as much since as I'm more of a 'cat' person. For some reason since I can remember, dogs liked me, even the more ferocious ones like a guard dog.

She gets a little anxious when she sees another dog But with people, she's always been relaxed

“I hate it whenever I take her for walks, there's a bunch of idiots that wanted to see her.” Sam complained. “Then why couldn't you, I don't know, take a different route?” I might not relate cause I never had dogs in my life. “Félix, I already tried it three times, I can get lost in the Amazon jungle and there's still people that wanted to talk to my dog. She's a beauty but she's not exactly that one with white gloves and worked in Disneyland.” He sighed. I know it wasn't his or Tiara's fault that people liked her, but I do understand that being in the center of attention can be daunting.

But she's not very discerning when it comes to choosing friends And there seems to be a certain type of people she attracts

“Let's stop at the local supermarket before we stop at my house. It's my turn to make dinner and I was thinking making macaronis. Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?” I'm not a five star chef but I can do more than just slapping PB and J sandwiches. It was usually Sam who covered our coffee most of the times so I thought that this would be a nice gesture in return. “Yeah, sure, at least your cousin is out of town at the moment.”

“Why?” I asked confused. “Same reason why there's less branches in your backyard.” Ohhhhhh... Alex and Sam 'helped' to get a ball back a few days ago before he had to leave a while for 'business' reasons.

Translation: Alex refused at Sam's idea because he himself is more capable climbing trees and getting the ball than him. He pulled the tourist rule about not allowed to 'work' so Sam decided to 'reason and negotiate.' By throwing him up in the tree and then tells him off with his lawyer degree skills and the loop hole in that rule.

All the local whiners want to make friends with my dog and I'm far far too polite to walk away

We walked for quite some time and like Sam described, some people were attracted to her. If this was a dog show, she'll be winning first prize for sure. Sam was beginning to get a bit grumpier as soon as there's a few people that walked up to Tiara. “OMG! Is that your dog?” “Awww! Hey there!” “Who's a good doggie?”

They ask me lots of questions and offer their affections and I feel obliged to uncomfortably stay

I would feel a bit sad for him cause he has to deal with this, but I took that back when I looked up to him as saw that he was 'flipping' them off with both hands.

Their behavior may be crude but to ignore them would be rude and my mother didn't bring me up that way

“I found out that I could do this for a good amount of period and they still wouldn't notice it. How hilarious is that?” Sam smirked but I had to scold him and make him stop before they noticed it. All the local whiners want to make friends with my dog and I'm far far too polite to walk away

After they had their attention and noticed Sam's response, I had to scold him. “Sam! You can't put everybody on the hate list forever. Just because, and I know, there's bad people, there are also good people that really didn't meant any harm.” “ Félix, if I had to 'politely' accepted a salad dish recommendation and crap like a parrot for the next couple of days, you can at least let me steam off some 'pet peeves' or what I preferred to call some major psychotic f#king hatred.” I sighed deeply in frustration and rubbed my eyes. I swear sometimes that he must be related to Bendy like a long, lost elder brother. “Listen, I can hear your problems anytime over coffee if you promise not to do it again like that.” I offered so that way he's not gonna cause more damage. He shrugged but decided to agree. “Fine... Only because I trust you and when you're around.”

She's utterly oblivious to my concerns of their intent She runs to greet them with a wagging tail

Thankfully, the 'fans' soon resumed their ways without them noticing my friend's behavior. How can someone like him have a sweet dog like that? I decided to ask for real this time since I rarely ask about his past before he moved. “Hey Sam. I've never know how you got your dog since we've met. How did you got her?” I desperately search around for an easy exit point but the incoherent small talk starts before I have the chance to bail

He then told me the story. “Eh bien, Félix, it was when I returned back home from the war. After I reunited and returned with my twin brother, Simon, we both headed to our childhood home. Mind you, I didn't go back after that night he and my ex we're cheating on me at the time and before the war. That place was then passed on my brother since I didn't claim half of it. Which I didn't care for the old barn but anyways, I then soon found out that during those times I was 'missing,' they got married, had triplets which was a big surprise back home and what's more surprising but not that it's new by now, they look a lot like me at that age.” I can't argue with that cause I saw them in pictures and in persons at his birthday party. “I found they're really nice family. They are so-” “They're a bunch happy-jolly ranchers and I can only tolerate so much like my brother. They all drive me nuts but at least... they aren't bad.” He then said. I know that Sam's not much of an optimistic, but I do understand where he's coming from. “So apart from that, I did had a small apartment in the nearby town and build my career from law school. One day, they showed up on my rare days off and they gave me a puppy. She was from a litter in a neighboring farm and they wanted to give me a companion since I didn't have anyone and I was being 'cold' to almost anyone.”

My senses always tell me that I'm going to be mugged So I reach to get my wallet and my phone

“Well... maybe they wanted you to help you and wanted to give some affections? I get that sometimes from pets. I'm sure they really cared about you and wanted you to be happy.” “Félix, if I wanted some 'affectionate' companion at the time, I would have gone to a brothel.” I frowned a 'WTH' face at Mr. Sourpuss. But he then he got a gentle expression I occasionally see. “But... at least she's reducing my stress and well... comforts me.” I can imagine him sleeping and his dog snuggling in his bed. Most people wouldn't want dog hair in their beds but some would take the risk. He really is a nice guy deep down. I flinch as they utter unintelligible words And then sigh with relief when I detect a friendly tone

“Also, one of the best part is that she doesn't throw dishes at me when I called her mom's a bi-” “SAM!” Happy place is now temporary closed.

All the local whiners want to make friends with my dog and I'm far far too polite to walk away

We walked a bit more until we hit at a winery store. It seems like they're having some sort of a wine tasting stall outside of their store. I end up in a fug of fags and stale cider breath and I try to hide my obvious dismay

Like the previous group, they notice us and they went for the dog. How can a half drunken people be out like this at this time of the day?

She seems to be a breed that has a certain appeal to types whose diet consists of bark and boos for every meal

The owner had handed out cups of wine to both of us before he joined the others to have his turn petting the beautiful dog. Sam took mine and he dunked both cups into the drain. “White wine taste better anyways.” I would have 'remind' him again, but the dog's affections can distract people. Plus, I don't drink so he get a pass just this once.

All the local whiners want to make friends with my dog and I'm far far too polite to walk away

After a few minutes, we resumed and left those people with happy drinking. “Gee, Sam. Tiara is really is a special dog.” He laughs. “Ha! I had her for 5 years and you think I wouldn't noticed it? The kids loved her just as much.” I agreed. We already had a cat until we lost her a few years ago. The twins barely remembered him cause they were little, but our cat was so cuddly to me and he had a fulfilling life. I was pretty sad when he died and I wasn't ready for another one since then. Not to mentioned that the twins were a bit too wild to take care for one, no matter how many times they brought up the subject and I had to remind them the responsibilities that comes with it. But at least they started to learn a bit once Tiara came into the picture. “At least it's a good experience for them. Maybe one day we can have a pet in our house once they've learned their lessons.”

I do my best to avoid certain areas of the park where the druggies and the rough teenagers dwell

We then stopped at the grocery store. Unfortunately, dogs aren't allowed. Sam then handed the leash to me “I'll go. You stay here with her. I don't want anybody so something to her like tying cans to her tail.” “But Sam, I'm the one who's in charge of-” “Where do most pasta stuff is shelved?” He reminded me. “...Top. The top shelves. I'll wait here.” I forgot that time we both got in there and it was one of those tall-short problems that got 'solved.' Sam was going to grab an item that was on the top shelves but I said I was going to grab it. That smart@ss agreed, picked me up and said 'OK, you can grab it.' Oh my Ra! That was so embarrassing! Sometimes, it was better to grab my twins than tagging with him.

I rarely venture out with her when it has gotten dark lest we catch the attention of some drunk may be well

I was enjoying some alone time and dazed for a few minutes. I rarely have this type of moments so I indulge myself to clear my head. Sadly, life doesn't go the way we planned when I saw a familiar bodyguard coming towards me. It was Boris Von Wolf. Bendy's right hand man and the second command in Alfonzo's mafia. I gritted my teeth. What is he doing here? I try to keep away when there are people hanging round the benches and the sitting walls and swings on the playground

He seems to noticed me and smirked. So of course, he walked up to me. “Well, well, well. If it isn't the 'ace' detective himself. He he! Taking the night off? Well, at least we'll be sleeping better for tonight.” I just glared at him. “I'm still not falling for your dirty tricks. You two and the rest of you scums can't fool everyone forever. One day you'll pay for what you've done for the innocents.” I spatted. He then cracked his knuckles. “Oh really? Are they ALL innocent to begin with? You're just as dumb as Bendy always said.”

Then suddenly as if out of nowhere they appear staggering hands out slurring:

He then reached out at me, or at the thought of the moment at least. I winced for impact until I heard:

“BAHHH, Who've we got here?”

I widen my eyes and turned my head next to me to see the big, bad wolf being a softie to Tiara. Oh yeah, I forgot to watch her from anyone who tried to harm her. For someone like him who detested 'good guys,' he sure has a huge soft spot for dogs. If that wasn't enough to convince you, does these words that came out of his mouth sounds like it? 'Who's a good doggie? Is it you? Is it you? Dawwwww!'

All the local whiners want to make friends with my dog and I'm far far too polite to walk away

Now this is a rare situation. It's not exactly threatening, but it isn't good either. I'm risking my friend's dog to the second most powerful man of the Chicago underworld who's infatuated with her friendly doggy charms. I was not trained for this kind of situation! As if it didn't got any worse, Sam came out of the store.

They greet me with a wink and they offer me a drink and I say thanks but it's too early in the day

He got stunned to see me and the other two. I mouthed 'I swear I didn't mean to!' He just waved and singed me to say 'I know what to do.' He then handed me the grocery bag and did a karate chop on the wolf's fedora. Hard. I choked.

Though they catch me unprepared, I've long stopped being scared I just find it hard to work out what to say

The sun hasn't set yet and they already started to light up the matched. Boris grumbled as he rubbed his head and fixed his hat. He glared up to see Sam. “Oh, what a nice, f#kng, surprise to see you here. I should have paid better attention.” He dusted himself off from invisible dust as he got up.

All the local whiners want to make friends with my dog and I'm far far too polite to walk away

Boris then got face to face and stared at Sam like it was some sort of contest. From my point of view, they're only about a head apart in height. On one side we have a football/boxing body builder type while the other was decently built but taller person. While one is close combat expert while the other is more technique planned. It's a bit of a competition in a brawl.

And then there's me with only a dog... whom she did nothing wrong.

All the local whiners want to make friends with my dog and I'm far far too polite to walk away

“I see that you're still working for pigeons, lamp post.” Boris 'greeted' “I see that you're still an ottoman for your bat brat, ya wolf skinned doormat.” Sam replied. Sam and Boris is like me and Bendy, we don't belong in the same room together. “You're just jealous that I don't have to work that hard to get anything I want such as money, love and power. There's nothing that you and the kid next to you can't compete with what we have.” Boris said. But Sam brushed it off. “I object, cause I found one thing that MY cat partner let me have that your 'cat' partner will never let you have.” He squinted his eyes. “Oh really? What is it, bird brain?”

Accessorized with diamond white and cans of special brew It's really very sweet in its own peculiar way

Sam then smug a big grin as he grabbed me and Tiara in both his arms, while he had both his hands free to 'flip' him off. “I get to keep my dog, B!!!!!!!!!!!!tch!”

Ok! Now we're gonna die, thank you Sam, you gave me a reason why I will die so young.

Though they may cause some alarm, they don't mean any harm They only want to come and have a play

I can see the shaking anger from Boris as if he's gonna go rampage. “Oh, by the way, I think that specific duck meat that only sells in here, you know, that one your cat person loved so much? I think I saw only one left. It would be ashamed if someone else grabs it before you do.” Sam suggested. That made Boris calm down a bit. “Dang! That's the only ones Bendy likes only for here! Fine, you win this time, but don't you think you'll get off easy next time. You're only lucky that it was today's special dinner. I bid you two losers an unpleasant day. ” He then entered the store.

All the local whiners want to make friends with my dog and I'm far far too polite to walk away

“Lucked out indeed. He can't beat me that easy and he knows it's bad luck to mess with a black cat, righty-o, Félix?” Sam teased. “You're old enough to know I don't say righty-o.”

Dad, if you're still watching me from above, what did I do to deserve a friend like him and where would I be without him?

----Author's notes-----

Haaaaaaaaaah! I'm lagging nowadays! I wanted to do stuff but I just MEH!

So at least One-shots are faster and better. So I did made a story with my personal OC fave with his dog. It's a boarder collie, so they're very eye catching.

The song inspired this was Awkward Encounters While Walking My Dog by Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq

There is also that Felix the cat catch phrase ‘Righty-o’ I bet that Felix really doesn’t like to do it for some reason. Which on the other hand, my OC was based on the fruit loops mascot with his catch phrase of ‘Just follow your nose!’ which I could see him doing that but added: cause I can smell bullsh!t with mine!

I know that Boris is loyal to Bendy and would do anything, but I bet that he wouldn't harm any dog unless it's threatening his buddy. Including police dogs if there are any in the main BBTIM AU.

So I hope that everyone is doing well so far during these times. I know that there is a lot going on including recent events these past few weeks, but I do wish everyone the best.

BBTIM humanized characters belong to @marini4 and OC humanized Sam Toucan is mine.

#bendy before the ink machine #au #humanized #Bendy and the Ink Machine #bendy #boris the wolf #boris #Felix The Cat #Felix #OC #sam toucan #fanfiction #fanfic #marini4

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theodorenctt · 8 years

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get to know me better <3

i was tagged by @purelypansy the sweetest angel in the world. tysm!

Rules: Answer the questions & tag 9 people you want to get to know better

How old are you? eighteen

What is your current job? chemical engineering major in college rip

What are you good at? knowing everything about all actors in any movie, procrastinating, making meme references irl

What’s a goal you’re actively trying to achieve? becoming more proactive with my school work and also being nicer ://

Whats your aesthetic? heavy fog blanketed over mountains, thick, fuzzy socks, a candle burned down to the stub, waffle house at 3am, blank notebooks, sad songs, torrential downpours, watercolor paints, long hair that won’t stay tucked behind your ear, telescopes, cherry coke, flickering neon lights

Do you collect anything? movie ticket stubs!!! (i have the first twilight movie lmaoo; one time, the fire alarm in my dorm went off and i didn’t grab my laptop or backpack or my room card, i just grabbed the box with my movie tickets)(but y’all the reason the fire alarm went off is because someone was vaping....)

What’s something you’re always willing to talk about? space, conspiracy theories, movies, star trek, books, asian representation, makeup

Pet peeves? the Ignorant Whites, bad texters, people who litter

Good advise? y’all.... be up to date on your news. don’t try and argue something if you don’t know the whole story.... and let people speak goodness gracious, i feel like everyone’s just trying to yell over one another without listening ahhhh

Three songs you recommend? immigrants (we get the job done) - the hamilton mixtape // tant que j’ai le soleil - mika // not a one - the young wild

Tagging? idk, literally anyone who wants to do this, say that i tagged you!!

#about me #i was tagged

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russellthornton · 7 years

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How to Write a Dating Profile: 13 Easy Ways to Set Yourself Apart

In the wide ocean of dating websites, knowing how to write a dating profile allows you to cast a bigger net and catch a potential partner suited to you.

Effective marketing is a key aspect to successful enterprise. Online dating included. In the same way a job-seeker requires an enticing resume to get an employer’s attention, a person looking for love online needs to know how to write a dating profile to be successful in their search.

How to write a dating profile

“But I’m not that much of a writer.” While it may help, it’s not absolutely necessary. The perfect dating profile is not purely the quality of word-stringing involved. Instead, it’s the content, ideal length, and the amount of identity you put in it. So, when faced with the section asking you to “tell me something about yourself” remember the tips to follow.

#1 Be more specific and avoid the usual clichés. One pitfall for online dating profiles is the inclusion of the usual clichés such as “looking for the girl/boy of my dreams” or “need someone to add spice in my life.”

Including the usual, overly-used clichés makes your dating profile seem like it came from the late 1990s. The modern dating profile requires you to be more specific in telling what you want and who you actually are. [Read: Good Tinder bios that get you dates]

#2 Use proper language. There are some people who confuse crass as something cool. So, they include gutter language in every sentence of their dating profile. Not only is it a pain to read, but it only shows you’re not someone to be taken seriously. Instead, replace crass with class by using proper, civilized language that commands respect and admiration. [Read: 16 tips to make a good first impression]

#3 Mind your spelling and grammar. Spelling and grammar is a minor mistake causing major problems for your dating profile. It is too risky to be left unchecked. Getting grammar and spelling wrong is a pet peeve for some people, especially the bookish, intellectual types. So, it won’t hurt to give your dating profile a quick spelling and grammar check before posting it online.

#4 Keep it in bite-sized length. You’re not writing a dissertation. Keep your dating profile to a digestible length that people in a hurry could to the end. Making it too long makes it boring to read. Keep it around a 100-150 word length.

#5 Use wit and humor. Witty and funny is the new sexy. When it comes to understanding how to write a dating profile that stands out, incorporating witty and funny ways to introduce yourself grabs the attention of people in that dating website or app. A funny or clever dating profile is not only entertaining, but is a fresh welcome to all those boring dating profiles littering the online dating scene. [Read: How to be witty and win over anyone]

#6 Add a bit of mystery. Like a trailer, leave a little bit of mystery to keep potential dating partners hooked on you. Writing a dating profile that immediately reveals all is like throwing your trump card out of the window. Giving them a little taste of who you are will immediately make them send that friend request to get to know you more.

#7 Avoid being too dramatic. Life itself is full of drama. Most people won’t want to see it in a dating profile. Being overly dramatic in your dating profile will not show people that you are a sensitive person like what you are imagining but will only give them a hint that you are probably someone they should avoid running into.

#8 Don’t make your profile purely about sex. People who make their dating profiles about sex alone probably ends up either (1) getting ignored or (2) meeting people just interested in sex.

After all, dating websites are filled mostly with people looking for a relationship. Having a dating profile purely about sex screams you are a desperate human being who just wants to get some, and you’ll probably just get ignored.

#9 Don’t brag. The idea of writing a good dating profile is to make yourself interesting to a target crowd, not to tell them you’re better than them in every aspect. Bragging is considered unattractive to most people.

It alienates them instead of interesting them. Because having a high-paying job, a fit body, or being good-looking may get your dating profile a lot of likes and requests, rubbing it in everyone’s face surely won’t. [Read: How to stop being a self-centered person]

#10 Paint a picture of who you want to meet, not just characteristics. Most of the time there will be a section of your dating profile where you specify the type of person you want to meet. From there, people write specifications like they are looking for a piece of furniture. Avoid the usual height, weight, eye, and hair color! Instead paint a picture of the personality of the person you want. This makes your dating profile more interesting to read.

#11 Don’t be too choosy, arrogant, and negative. If you want to know how to write a dating profile, remember that being too choosy, arrogant, and negative is counterintuitive especially in online dating. We hate to break this to you, but you’re in online dating because it’s hard for you to find a partner in real life.

#12 Keep the details real. Nobody wants to be with a fraud. And even if the false information you tell about yourself in your dating profile manages to get you a date or two, it is found out sooner or later. So, write your dating profile as honestly as possible. The less pretensions you have, the easier you’ll interact. [Read: 17 tips to talk about all the right things with your online date]

#13 Ask another person to write your profile for you if necessary. If you think you can’t handle writing your dating profile and if you know someone who can do a good job at it, ask them to write it for you. Sometimes other people are better at writing about you more.

[Read: 8 reasons you should give online dating a chance]

Like a new product needs good advertisement for recognition and sales, a person breaking into online dating needs to know to write a dating profile to score viewership hits and possible likes.

The post How to Write a Dating Profile: 13 Easy Ways to Set Yourself Apart is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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