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#literally worst case scenario for me.......
transgendz · 3 days
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Things are tight this month and I haven't gotten nearly as many hours as I was hoping. Because of that, and almost consistently late checks, I have been trying to get a new job for a while now, and I've gotten a lot of interviews, but nothing solid yet. Best case scenario, we end up a bit short of where we need to be, worst case is like several hundred short.
So, I have an art blog where I take commissions and requests and have a kofi. Literally, anything is very appreciated, even just sharing stuff I've posted there, examples below. If anyone wants proof of this situation, dm me, my work chat is a mess rn bc apparently no one I work with is getting hours or getting paid for time properly, I'd love to share atp.
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PP--$C--V--kofi
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meraki-yao · 2 days
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RWRB Book Thoughts: Ellen and Oscar
Re-reading RWRB and thinking about Oscar and Ellen. The thing is book Ellen and Oscar's relationship scares me because it's like the worst-case scenario of my own parents (they're a lot better now but covid was hell) So I understand it.
Ellen and Oscar are soulmates. As in they are both intelligent, stubborn and headstrong. They are very similar people. Unfortunately this is a case where it's like forcefully pushing two North ends of a magnet together: Ellen in particular wants and needs a complimentary relationship instead of collaborative relationship, which is why Leo works for her: Leo is meek compared to Oscar. He really just listens and generally agrees with Ellen. His appearances are limited in the book but when he does show up he doesn't really have his own opinion. Ellen wants/needs someone who won't speak up against her.
Honestly? I, kinda feel sad for Oscar. He said it himself, "We're both too fucking proud. But God, that woman. Your mother is, without question, the love of my life. I'll never love anyone else like that." It's sad to know that he never stopped loving Ellen while vice versa isn't true, and to know that she's it for Oscar.
When it comes to parenting I honestly think Oscar is the better parent. It was really shitty of him to leave without telling Alex and June and that evidently really hurt Alex til this day, but when it comes to the other parent things? I was re-reading/listening to Chapter Four today when he goes to DC for Christmas, and both Alex and June are so much more comfortable with him. Part of that is probably because he doesn't carry the inherent pressure of being the fucking president, but part of it is that he really cares about his kids as they are. Ellen downplays June's passion for journalism and pressures her into a political job that she didn't want at all, while Oscar "raved about June's latest blog post for The Atlantic". Ellen immediately started piling up all the political consequences of firstprince literally minutes after Alex plucked up the courage to come out to her while Oscar gave him relationship advice. This isn't to say Ellen isn't a good mother, she is flawed, as Oscar is, as all parents are. But if we're looking at non-crisis moments, Oscar's actions are more comfortable for his children.
There's a reason June initially wanted to go to California and be close to her dad. Yesterday I talked a little about how I hated how Ellen and Alex treated June at the earlier chapters of the book. Well in the rest of the book it's implied that she has a much closer relationship with Oscar, jumping into his arms when he arrives at the White House, him picking her up and spinning her when they arrive at the lakehouse.
Either way, Ellen and Oscar clash becasue they're too alike, and my opinion is that Ellen tends to fan the flames more, see Christmas dinner where Oscar suggests campaigning with them to help and she immediately shoots it down with "you can't be serious". Anyways, the children suffer the most. And uh, speaking from experience here, that shit never goes away. My parents are still together and are a lot better compared to the past, but I flinch at any sound of argument/angry yelling because of all of their fighting.
And there's this one paragraph in the book: "Even before Alex's parents split, they both had a habit of calling him by the other's last name when he exhibited a particular trait. They still do. When he runs his mouth off to the press, his mom called him into her office and says ' get your shit together Diaz.' When his hard-headedness gets him stuck, his dad texts him, 'Let it go, Claremont'" and God that's so shitty? To know, to be reminded that one parent hates the part of you that is from the other parent. Even if that's not what Ellen and Oscar's intention is, that's what it feels like, and it's really, fucking, shitty.
I wonder how would book Alex feel if he know that there was an alternative universe out there where his family was functional. I wonder how would he feel if he knew that movie Alex doesn't have his loving sister, but has loving, gentle parents who have a healthy, functional relationship.
My guess, is that he would say that he'd choose his life and his sister no matter what, and he means it because he does love June, but deep down a part of him would be jealous of movie Alex for having a smaller but healthier and happier family.
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Maybe, Shinichiro with a s/o that is friendly but a bit of an air-head. S/O is 5 years younger than Shinichiro (if this part makes you uncomfortable you may skip it. OF COURSE DO THIS IN THE ADULT TIMELINE WHERE THEY ARE BOTH ADULTS). S/O used to be a gang leader, when she first told Shinichiro about it, he kinda freaked out, warning her about the dangers of gang world but s/o just told him to trust her. S/O is considered pretty, she has heart shaped face and small waist. When she was in high school, she rejected 20 love confessions, her reason? In s/o's words, she didn't understand romantic love (andshealsodidn'tfeelthesameasherpretenders), to the point she was even called a heartbreaker, despite her just being honest about what she felt 🥲. If you need height, s/o is 1.74
Oh, and s/o gets along pretty well with Manjiro and Emma. She came from an orphan center as well. (She lives with her best friend whom she calls a 'sister'). She surprisingly has 'innocent feelings as well (ex. Shinichiro once went to buy an earring pair but he got into an accident that left him in a hospital for a few days, when he came back to s/o with the earrings, s/o saw the injuries, then she cried "I don't want this! I don't want you to be hurt because of me!" 😭. Shinichiro upon seeing this was surprised but mostly moved.)
Gang Activity {Shinichiro Sano}
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A/n: thanks for requesting but seriously, I didn't need that much of a detail because you almost wrote the piece yourself. That being said I didn't quite catch what the plot you wanted me to write was because I kind of got lost in the details you mentioned. And also yeah the details were pretty much useless because I don't include descriptions. I made the reader to be around the same age as Shin in the first timeline so about 22 or 23. Anyways, hope you like it.
Pairing: Shinichiro x fem!reader
Trigger Warnings: MANGA SPOILERS
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“Shit's not good for your lungs Shin.” You hugged Shinichiro and he returned the gesture by placing a kiss on your cheek. 
  “Ugh I could get used to this.” He exclaimed, throwing his head back to look at you rolling your eyes. A devilish smile was plastered on his face, a triumphant look in his eyes celebrating the way he had actually avoided your comment. But had he really? No, you loved pestering him about him smoking habits and he loved it as well.
  “Listen, I really didn't want to do this but here I go.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I told Manjiro and Emma about you moving in and um… Manjiro wanted to help with the whole process… so he… he wants to carry your things with his friends.” A sigh escaped Shinichiro's lips. 
  “I don't mind really.” 
  Mikey was for sure trying his luck on you, something that Shinichiro despised, to say the least, so having him help you move out of the apartment you shared with your best friend was the worst case scenario according to him.  
  It was funny seeing him being jealous of his brother however. During your first days together, you had concluded that his innocent jealousy was only because he had never had a girlfriend before so he didn’t know how to act but later on you found it was more than that.
  “He is literally twelve, relax.” You giggled. “That's how boys his age act.” It was a desperate attempt on your side to relax your nerves as well and Shinichiro knew that.
You had been honest with him, had told him all about you coming from an orphanage and the difficult years you spent there and he had been more than understanding. But while he could understand how difficult living without any parents was since he had lost his own parents too, what he couldn't quite understand was the fact that you couldn't seperate your best friend that easily.
The two of you living together had only been a natural progress since you now spent most nights at his place rather than your own and even though you had been quite hesitant to accept, you did it because you knew that someday it would happen. You couldn't live with your best friend forever no matter how much you wanted to.
Not surprisingly enough, your best friend had been way more excited than you. In her words it was about time you actually did something for yourself and not for someone else.     
Mikey and his friends came to the shop right after school ended, one hour after yout arrival at Shinichiro’s shop, and by the way the young Sano boy had walked in, you figured out that there had been some kind of stupid argument between the two brothers. Mikey shook his head and introduced you to his friends: Baji, Haruchiyo and Senju, Haruchiyo’s little sister. 
It wasn't long until you found out that they were just as chaotic as Mikey was so it was no surprise that Shinichiro had almost emptied not only his pack of cigarettes but also a small bottle with aspirins by the time you left. 
  “Go and pack your stuff and take whatever you guys can with you. I'll come for the heavier things in like half an hour from now.” Shinichiro had said.   
  “Thank you guys for offering to help me, it means a lot.” You told them once you were alone. You couldn't tell how you managed to be more anxious around four little kids than every other adult you had ever met. It was silly, really, given the reputation you had. But of course, no one knew that yet.
  “It's our pleasure.” Haru smiled and Baji with Mikey aggressively nodded their heads in affirmation. Senju was holding her older brother’s hand, not really talking throughout the entire walk back to your house. 
  “Okay this is how it will go: I'll take my guitar along with two boxes and the rest of you can take this small suitcase with some of my clothes, okay?” 
  It wasn’t okay. They protested because they didn’t want to let you carry both your guitar and the two boxes all alone and so you ended up agreeing on you taking just one box, Mikey and Baji the other two boxes, Haru the small suitcase and Senju a bag with your jewellery. Obviously you didn’t give them any heavy things and they were so excited that they never noticed you taking your guitar even though you had promised not to. 
  “Say Y/n.” Baji spoke while you were all walking towards Mikey's house. You noticed his eyes were glued on the insides of the box he was carrying. “Were you in some sort of gang?” The rest of the kids abruptly stopped walking and turned around to look at you. 
  “I was the leader actually.”
  And yes that was the reputation you have been talking about. It wasn’t much to be honest and it had gotten you in trouble many times but you were proud of it.  
  Everyone seemed to be in awe and suddenly they became even more energetic, saying how amazing and cool you were. If you hadn’t stopped them, they would have set the boxes on the street just to take a look at the box in Baji’s hands. 
  “Y/n, you know how to fight, right?” Baji asked you. You had reached Mikey’s house by that time and were catching your breath, getting ready to leave again.  
  “I do.” 
  “Amazing!” Haru and Senju said in sync.
  “Big bro doesn't know shit about fighting and he always got beaten up even though he was the leader.” Mikey rolled his eyes. 
  “Why are we suddenly talking about gangs?” Shinichiro took the box you had forgotten to set down and placed it on the floor of his room. 
  “Y/n was in one.” Mikey said and Shinichiro's eyes widened at the sound of this new information. He looked at you and then at the box Baji had opened which contained your gang uniform and some pictures you had taken with the founder members. There was also one box back in your apartment that contained the gifts that the members had given you the day you disbanded the gang. 
  “I…” Shinichiro was at a loss for words. You already knew what he was going to say as if he hadn't been a member of a gang himself. "You know that shit is dangerous, right?"
"So? I was really good at it, you know?" You waved him off and picked up the box Baji had been carrying. “This contains meetings, fights and general hangouts with the gang. One of the founding members was aiming to become a filmmaker therefore he was filming everything. If you guys are interested, you can watch it.” You handed the cassette to Mikey and almost immediately he and his friends went to the living room. “Shin?” you reached out to your boyfriend once the kids left. 
  “How can you get even more amazing as the days pass?” He smiled and patted your head, bringing you close for a hug. “Why didn't you tell me?"
"You never asked."
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sketch-guardian · 3 days
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Mc having a second secret acc that the rad classmates and angels don’t know about and it’s literally them just being super down bad saying the most heinously down bad things that got even the devil and god shaking in their boots from how down bad they are so down bad they’ve become a meme but for shits a gigs I think it’d be interesting if they heard about it from other students from RAD and just assume the worst of what’s in the acc and ask azul to snoop/azul snoops and around and it’s just Mc being so down bad like going feral down bad ex
“So you guys saw how Domnra beat the shit out of that student today right? Well goddamn how I wish it were me like YALL SAW HOW HOT HE LOOKED RIGHT?!”
Like it’s just Sukuna/Gojo fan level of downbadness like so down bad it’ll get a reaction out of Nathanial type of downbadness!!
Or another scenario is they’re already dating and Mc is pretty normal like normal flirty stuff but the acc is jsut horrendous from how down bad they are
(Sorry for the word vomit😭)
Don't worry about the word vomit, honestly I find this ask hilarious😂I'll try my best to write some good headcanons☺I also apologize for the delay🙈I was looking for a university for a master's degree these days, lessons start next week so I'll start being busy again😭:
"RAD CLASSMATES+NEW EXCHANGE STUDENTS WITH A DOWN BAD MC WHO OWNS A SECRET ACCOUNT DEDICATED TO THEM"
DEMYA
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Demya is a pretty shameless demon, especially when it comes to her mate, in fact she would have no problem with PDA or showing her affection for MC through compliments and praise, after all she has to let everyone know that they're a couple, so as to discourage competition and let them see just how proud she is of MC. So, the fact that MC has a secret secondary account dedicated exclusively to simp for her even at different times of the day, such as when she eats, hunts or dances, would make Demya curious about the reason for MC's secrecy, but also very amused, she would probably tease MC about it every now and then, even posing on purpose in case they wanted to post new pics, maybe even together this time. It wouldn't be the first time she has received compliments, but Demya would prefer them from MC, because they would be more genuine and without ulterior motives
DOMNRA/MOBIM
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Domnra, of all people, would actually be the one with the most doubts and who would immediately think the worst at the suspicion that his partner is hiding something from him, not because he doesn't trust MC, but because he is a fairly insecure demon, although it doesn't look like it, especially due to his anger issues. Therefore, when Mobim would cheerfully come to him with his D.D.D in its little arms in order to show him a surprise, Domnra would be quite puzzled, but relieved, to find out that MC only has a secret secondary account used to post sappy comments about him. Domnra would be quite flustered to read certain down bad posts, especially those about him listening to music, his training sessions or fights, it's likely that he wouldn't confront MC on the subject, however Domnra would usually reread certain posts when he feels down, to raise his self-esteem. Mobim, instead of down bad comments, would find posts where MC would treat the little curse as a baby or a puppy. Mobim would likely be more affectionate towards MC, grateful for their love
AZUL
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Bold of MC to assume that Azul wouldn't post down bad comments and photos dedicated to his lovely star without shame on his main Devilgram account, after all he is a simp par excellence and proud of it, Azul isn't bashful to show his devotion and admiration for his source of inspiration, that is MC. It wouldn't take Azul long to figure out the identity behind MC's secret secondary account, he would chuckle to himself as he read the posts, while his colors would change from light blue to pale pink, index of affection. In a sing-song tone Azul would go to MC to tell them he had discovered their little secret, teasing them lovingly with hugs and kisses. Azul wouldn't understand the reason behind MC's shyness, but if they want to simp for him in secret while he paints, sculpts or floats around, who is he to stop them? Azul would also find amusing that both him and MC seem consider themselves each other muses
ZURI
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Not gonna lie, Zuri has several admirers despite having worked as a model only on few occasions, so being flattered would be nothing new for her, even as an angel in the Celestial Realm she had people who at the mere sight of her turned to stare at her beauty, Zuri's aware of her appearance and makes sure to take care of it, however she wouldn't pay much attention to fans, more committed to improving her style and sewing skills. It's likely that Azul, being a troublemaker and a snitch, would show Zuri the down bad posts about her and it would take Zuri only a few seconds to guess that MC was behind the secret account, probably recognizing their way of typing, she's a detail-oriented and perceptive demon after all. Zuri would find MC's sappy posts about her working, trying on new clothes, during social events and although slightly exasperated, she would eventually let out an amused scoff and smile faintly. Zuri would approach the topic with MC with caution, not wanting to embarrass them too much, to their surprise she might even propose to do something romantic together in the privacy of her home, given that they seem so infatuated with her
ODON
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Although Odon doesn't use social media much, because technology sometimes struggles to work due to their eldritch horror nature, that doesn't mean they wouldn't discover MC's secret secondary account, rather they would find out about it thanks to their eye-like creatures, who can see everything in Devildom, probably even MC writing the down bad posts, unknown to them, in fact the grumpy eye-like creature (Bob) would stare at MC with an unimpressed gaze, while the cheerful eye-like creature (Rob) would look at them with a sly gaze, in any case, the familiars would report everything to Odon. For Odon, such down bad posts would remind them of their youth, when there were some cults that worshipped them and made sacrifices in their honor, hoping of being noticed. Looking back on it, Odon would find that past fact quite awkward, because although flattered, they would think it was all quite unnecessary. However, MC's comments would please Odon, because they would be grateful to be genuinely liked and to be seen as a good friend, even if some posts would confuse the eldritch horror, especially the most feral ones, for simple actions such as reading or cooking. Odon would only confront MC on the subject if they thought they wouldn't get too embarrassed, after all Odon doesn't want to upset them, they would likely write MC a poem though, to return their kindness in their own way
REMIEL
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Remiel is still learning how to use a D.D.D, having never had to use such means of communication before, so someone else would have to show the angel of death how social media works and possibly let her discover MC's secret secondary account, a guy like Azul for example. Remiel, as often has occurred, would be a little confused by such custom, not understanding the feral posts and trying to interpret them from a logical point of view, furthermore she wouldn't know why MC posted such comments instead of talking to her. Remiel, being a gloomy yet blunt angel, would have no trouble saying what she thinks of MC, even if her statements would be more on the sweet, emotional and poetic side. MC's down bad comments that would strike Remiel the most would be the soft ones, those of encouragement, complimenting her while she learns, flies and stares at things absent mindedly, the sweetness could make Remiel shed some tears, not used to such displays of love if not from her family. Speaking of feral posts, since she would be confused, Remiel would ask for explanations from a person she trusts, namely her father Death, so depending on how inappropriate some of MC's comments are, they could find the fucking grim reaper outside their front door
NATHANIEL
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In the Celestial Realm, Nathaniel is seen as a sort of mentor, a figure that many look up to for wisdom, so it wouldn't be uncommon to find people who admire him for his appearance as well, ethereal according to some, without effort, Nathaniel has always been very casual about it though, since physical appearance is one of the last things on his mind. Nathaniel knows enough about social media, he would check them every now and then out of pure curiosity, but he would still be flabbergasted to see posts about himself and it takes a lot to catch Nathaniel off guard, so MC's down bad comments must be really feral to have made even the archangel react. Nathaniel would be amused to see sappy posts about him as he meditates, takes strolls through nature or practices archery with his hair tied in a ponytail, he would find them cute, if a little exaggerated. MC would notice Nathaniel occasionally glancing at their D.D.D and then showing them a small knowing smile, without elaborating any further, before disappearing into another room, leaving MC with the doubt of whether or not he has discovered their secret, his nonchalant and quiet attitude wouldn't help at all. Nathaniel may seem innocent, but he can be a bit of a tease when he wants to
URIEL
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Uriel wouldn't often use a D.D.D, not used to communicating with similar means, so it would take someone like Nathaniel to point out to the warrior angel that someone is writing about her and with great enthusiasm to boot, he would also make it clear that MC is the one behind the secret account, otherwise Uriel would ignore the matter. Uriel would be confused by the praise, as she technically isn't a saint to be worshipped or entrusted with one's prayers, however she would still appreciate the admiration towards herself, especially during her training sessions, duties and times in her armor. However, Uriel wouldn't understand why MC, in their secret secondary account, would confess and insist on wanting to be crushed, stepped on or squeezed by her, the warrior angel would not find such masochism healthy and could get scandalized by some feral posts. At the beginning, Uriel would ask MC for explanations, but over time, despite the embarrassment, Uriel would also proclaim her pride and love, only upon request though, as she thinks such displays should be private
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scavengerridley · 1 year
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Spain - England final
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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year
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In 'vis a vis' Janeway doesn't mention B'Elanna in the list of people who're worried about Tom which implies that B'Elanna didn't report the fact that "Tom" grabbed her arm, called her a disappointment and broke up with her (as Janeway definitely would have mentioned it as evidence of him acting strange if she knew about it) which makes sense on several different fronts but also makes me scream and cry loud enough to break glass.
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granolabird · 2 years
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Not to immidiately go to the most dark and angsty scenario but I can't stop thinking about what will happen if Fearne or Ashton die during the solstice after that little head kiss.
Because if Fearne dies, then we get Ashton going to her and saying; "You can't go, I never got to steal back that kiss"
Vs if Ashton dies you get Fearne going to him and saying; "But you were supposed to steal that kiss back from me"
And if we get EITHER of those scenarios I'm going to break down. They better both live, everyone better live (but let's be real that's wishful thinking)
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thebusylilbee · 9 days
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just woke up and.. immediately started crying because of content of the dream I just had... it wasn't a "nightmare" in the typical sense but it made me so infinitely sad... I feel so pathetic and useless right now I've never felt this miserable this fast after waking up
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asexual-thot · 6 months
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So, uh... given how it's one of the more popular tumblr alternatives, I was pretty shocked to hear that cohost might run out of money NEXT MONTH. Their main funder is not talking to them and their plan A is to ... somehow get in contact with them and get more money?
And like... I learned about this on pillowfort, which is suddenly looking like the MUCH more stable platform.
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grmpgm · 5 months
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ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually
#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can#i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed#i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline#my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up#and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf#it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do#it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time#kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly#it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly#it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person#it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t.#so i won’t be i guess.#and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional#worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully?#i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place.#i have literally no excuses#it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better#and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!)#it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL
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plasma-packin-peep · 7 months
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Fantasy setting where we DONT use the word "race" to describe what is clearly different species of sapient humanoids. Because race is constructed, and the difference between an elf and an orc isn't.
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forystr · 1 year
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update:I'm having to take multiple days off work unpaid for all these doctors appointments so I'm struggling for cash. I'm no longer fit to work so am seeing out the last month of my job, if you ever wanted a commission from me or have £3 to spare for my kofi, I'd really appreciate it :')
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voidimp · 7 days
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i hate insurance companie
#on the phone for two hours trying to get Sex Vs Gender sorted out bc at work we are allowed and even encouraged to self identify & they only#ask for gender not sex. but the insurance company pulls what *they* use for your sex as what you have listed as your *gender* at work#which is a Fucking Issue bc theyre NOT THE SAME & i might need my sex set as female for insurance to. u know. actually cover my top surgery#& hysterectomy *which im getting bc im transmasc* but they dont know if i can actually have that changed independently so even tho im#SUPPOSEDLY able to self identify i might not actually be able to in order to get insurance to cover procedures THAT ARE LITERALLY RELATED TO#ME BEING TRANS. and the best part is i dont even. have myself listed as male. i set it to do not disclose!! so the insurance company#apparently just saw that and DEFAULTED TO MALE?????#so now theyre looking into whether or not it will Actually cause any issues with coverage/if they even take sex into consideration when#determining whether the procedures would be approved/denied & if they dont then i get to just leave it as is. which is best case scenario#but otherwise i gotta figure out wtf im supposed to do bc i DONT want to set my gender as female at work#like i guess WORST CASE i set it as female for now (bc they do let u change it at least lmao) & then just change it back after but i#shouldnt have to do that!!! & like its not really my employers fault bc they are *trying* to be like accommodating of trans shit its just#that the insurance companys system like. interprets that information in a different way i guess?? & like they do COVER trans healthcare but#they dont really have any way in THEIR system to distinguish between sex & gender. & my employer only asks for gender. so its A Whole Mess
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wormpool · 23 days
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I have a hearing test scheduled for today everybody cross your fingers that I'm not permanently hard of hearing and unable to enjoy music the rest of my life and it's just some weird temporary thing somehow
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valewritessss · 23 days
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I feel like I came out of the womb with raging anxiety
#never been fully relaxed a day in my life#literally had a panic attack at age 6-7(?)#I’ve been super self aware for as long as I can remember#the tension in my body is my natural state#I’ve BEEN imagining every worst case scenario since I could form thoughts#7th-8ish grade is where it got worse#had panic attacks like four times a week#and then heart palpitations started and holy shit I was googling symtoms and that would make it worse#was convinced I would get a heart attack#having a headache is part of my daily routine#then I got a crush on a guy and with it came body dysmorphia#couldn’t look people in the eye from how ugly I felt(still struggle with this one but we got this💪🏼💪🏼)#now I mostly just cry#like I deadass get stressed and overwhelmed and just cry#depression came next and I was honestly not surprised#and it tampered my anxiety a bit but I’d honestly rather feel stressed than feel so numb#yeah I wouldn’t recommend#so basically I lie awake feeling aware of my own heartbeat or of my body#oh and I can’t forget the physical pain that anxiety caused me#muscle aches literally convinced me there was something wrong with me#went to the doctor numerous times bc I NEEDED to be diagnosed with something or I would go crazy and instead got told to see a therapist#and the therapist basically told me everything I had already figured out myself but at least I can talk to someone#tw anxiety#tw depression#tw body dysmorphia#anxiety#mentions of depression#and I’m only a teenager so should I be worried about what happens in the next few years? bc this already sounds like a lot to me#this was supposed to be a funny little post but nvm I guess?? don’t worry about me I’m good though many good things in my life#teenager
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lesbianaglaya · 10 months
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everything is so bad all the time forever and ever amen. <- has a mild head cold and stuff to do.
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