#literally was about to destroy something bc of nothing
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I finally understand why people do workouts to destress
#have been doing workouts everyday this week and took a break for the weekend bc i didnt want to do them in front of my family#the amount of anger that just came from nowhere-#literally was about to destroy something bc of nothing#never gonna spend days at home soing nothing while my family is also there again#could not be worse for my mental health#i really want to punch something but our punching bag isnt hung up and my sister is in that room anyways#so im going on a walk/run
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#this might be the hardest thing i’ve ever had to get through to the other side of in my entire life#i’ve started feeling bad anxiety about the whole situation#even though the second thoughts have never been so strong#also despite work guy playing no role in this i am really worried that knowing there’s someone into me has given me this false sense of#security? that i’ll find someone else#even though at the same time i keep telling myself that i will never find someone who loves me like this again#and i do believe that#i can’t shake the thought that i’ll be leaving the best thing i’ll ever have and settling for second best for the rest of my life#all in the name of new experiences or ‘doing things on my own’#like i havent actually got one good reason to do this#im just ruining my life and hurting someone i love and adore for the sake of.. literally nothing? bullshit reasons#it’s a complete mess and i keep wishing the timing was different#but i have to remind myself that there’s no other version of events#this is the only timing#im worried ill destroy us both and i don’t think ive actually even come to terms with the full extent of the loss id be facing yet#even though ive been in tears at least once a day for a while now#im also freaked out about how i met work guy before things (potentially will) end(ed)#like to be very clear there’s nothing happening there other than the fact that he’s made it somewhat clear through hints that he’s into me#but i feel like the fact that we get along as friends and that i know that he likes me to some extent makes things worse#like as if there’s ‘someone else’ when in reality i’m just having a crisis for no good reason and finding mild comfort in the fact that if#things do end at least i know that there are people (or person) out there that still find something redeeming about me#but that isn’t even all that comforting bc obvs work guy has only known me like two months he doesn’t rly know me at all#so i come right back to the belief that i will be alone and i am terrified#i don’t think anyone will be able for me the way he is. it feels like abandoning a soulmate#like telling your best friend you never want to see them again while also telling yourself to come to terms with only ever finding less#i don’t think ill ever ever get over this if im honest even if i decide to go through with it and it works out#like the fact that we would become something that will forever be in the past the idea of becoming strangers#it makes me sick i can’t fathom losing this let alone making the choice to give it up#part of me still feels like maybe we would find our way back to eachother down the line#i do really believe it even if that’s something everyone tells themselves
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the most dangerous part of having a pet au that u never seriously work on except think abt it to ur writing playlist as u drive is that. you develop it. and it gets better. and then you really really want to write it. and you're in danger
#laughs in 5 ongoing fics#to be fair. i started them in 2019 and have updated them only like twice#so my readers know i am very slow#however thats why i can only talk abt this on this blog. bc if those guys find out im indulging other ideas i will get#well. nothing. nobody talks to me and only like 5 people actively keep up with me#but i will disappoint those mutuals and have to commit seppuku#anyway its precisely bc the bnha ending was so milquetoast that i have evolved this stupid fic#ah yes the story abt the children suffering due to the wrongs of the adults and trying to fix or burn the world and dying for their parents#ends with... nothing changing#and in fact. the parents get redeemed where the children must die#however. a story where that happens AGain however the main weapon of the children against the system is the reanimated no1 hero?#yeah.......#children who are hurt and angry and have the power to do something serious about it is my fav shit. sorry#and u know who has to fix it all and burn it all down properly this time? the guy with severe issues.#fellas is it gay to fall in love with your best friend and rivals reanimated corpse who came back wrong#however its still the closest you'll ever get to having him back#but you cant tell him you love him bc he;s not the same. he's not the one you've always loved#and then loving him as the monster they turned him into feels wrong but you do it anyway#he died for the system you're upholding even if its wrong. what are you supposed to do#now he is literally destroying that same system. do you choose your boss or do you choose the guy that used to know u the best in the world#i havent decided yet. i got distracted by the tragedy#anyway th story is that our protagonist ends up in possession of the reanimated hero bc of a quirk mishap kind of#and to curb his aggression to anyone that isnt the protagonist . they get him to play league of legends#bc he can vent his violent tendencies without anyone actually getting harmed. and accidentally becomes a ranked player#he doesnt eat or sleep so all he does in the handful of hours the protagonist has to crash is absolutely wreck shit online#“hey can i come over and see our friend who came back wrong?” “no the sight of a human will send him into a kill spiral.#however you can play video games with him as long as u dont mind getting killed a million times."
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#through a series of strange circumstances i've actually found myself in possession of a free copy of the new f*nal f*ntasy game#and i wasn't gonna play it after kind of fucking hating the demo. but like yk when shit's free i felt like i had to give it a bit of a go.#and i'm gonna try to play more of it but...it's so boring rn i'm so sorry#i do not care about these characters and i do care about the plot rn#and i literally feel like i'm going insane bc no one else seems to feel the way i do about it ggksbdk#like people are like 'the action combat is making it bad' and no that's not it#and other people are like 'people who don't like it have only played x' and no that's also not true#idk it's just weird and boring??#with some strange design choices and options that don't make a ton of sense to me#also tbh gameplay features that also don't make a ton of sense#like the consumable item carry limit. or the dodge button being what it is. or only being able to access a codex by talking to an npc.#like they're not game-destroying but they're odd and i don't quite get the point#but yeah idk i'm trying really hard to like it bc it actually kind of pains me to dislike a game in this series so much#but i just can't bring myself to be invested in the story or characters#i'm admittedly only 5 hours in but. i really would've expected something to sell me on at least ONE element by now#only thing i can say is generally positive is the majority of combat. just bc it's fine. nothing revolutionary i have no complaints.#interviews with y*shida are so funny tbh. where he's all talking about how he wanted it to feel different.#and that led to it feeling and looking like 17 other media properties. like...mission failed my dude.#anyway. i'll build up the perserverence to at least get...idk. 20 hours in is more than fair i think.#hoping it proves me wrong by then but good fucking lord. i've never been more dispassionate about a game from this series.#i'm not even like the people claiming it's 'not a REAL series entry'. like no it is. it's just a boring one lmao.
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the thing that makes the pjo books so good, and superior in my humble opinion, is how hard it is to stay on the "hero's" side by the end of book 5
and im not saying I would have followed luke and both intentionally and unintentionally kill my fellow halfbloods, im not saying what luke did is right, because it's not, and because in the end it was always kronos manipulating him since the start
but the thing is, luke is so right to be bitter and furious at the gods, he of all people knows what it's like to suffer bc a god simply wanted something, and they wouldn't stop until they did
losing his mom, psychologically speaking, bc it was a god's curse that made it impossible for the oracle to work right, and drove may insane
praying for years for hermes to help with his mom, for anything, and receiving silence in return
losing thalia, the first person he had been able to connect with, because of a hades's need for vengeance (bc zeus killed his lover in the first place)
going on a quest, failing and ending up with a scar and having nothing but pity simply bc hermes, his dad, asked him to go
being left behind by the gods, seeing his cabin fill out by unclaimed kids the gods are leaving behind, kids the gods for one reason or another don't want to claim
seeing how hey, there's kids here whose parents don't have cabins here, and yet the gods want there to be cabins for the twelve olympians only
and just the countless injustices he saw happen along the years, all bc of the gods will
and like i said before, kronos's manipulation didn't help, but it was luke being beyond bitter that made that manipulation work
and yeah, maybe i personally wouldn't have started a civil war between the literal strongest gods that would have ended up destroying the world, and I wouldn't have sent an innocent twelve year old to his doom to tartarus, and i wouldn't have done like a single thing luke did throughout the books, bc he ended up hurting his kind, more than he did the gods themselves
but it's so easy to see where luke is coming from, it's so easy to understand his anger, his desire to see the gods pay in some way, because they don't care about mortals and how the consequences of their actions affect them greatly
it's also easy to see that luke was, after all, simply too angry, too bitter, and that made him vulnerable to the power of those who wanted to overthrow the gods
and it's what makes even percy question everything he thinks he knows about the gods, it's what makes percy take smth from all of luke's ways of thinking, and ask for the gods to be better by the end of the last olympian
and it's what makes percy, even in hoo, think back to luke's motivations and think, huh he wasn't entirely wrong was he?
and god i just fucking love these books thanks for coming to my ted talk
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DOCTOR WHO AU???
IM LISTENING
PLEASE
HERE YOU GO. i am just rambling
it ended up being super long, so. under the cut :)
okay so i'm still not sure if it'd be better for y/n to be the doctor or the dca. because on the one hand y/n being the doctor makes them a very very lonely last time lord who outlives all the companions they've tried to keep over the years, who saw two robots (bc i think it'd be better if they were separate in this instance) and went "oh my god. companions who will never die.", thus getting immediately attached. and sun and moon are fascinated by this otherworldly being who looks completely human to every single one of their sensors EXCEPT the fact that they have two hearts. one for each of them WHO SAID THAT anyway since obviously the doctor needs an accompanying master if y/n is the doctor i think maybe vanessa as the master would work. something something vanessa was an old friend who turned to the dark side (afton, somehow??? maybe afton WIAIT MAYBE AFTON WAS THat one super important time lord in the time lord council or whatever they're called from the end of season four and he's DETERMINED to have the time lords come back and that's why vanessa does all that oh my god it all makes sense). and y/n is always hoping she'll leave old ghosts behind but she can't and it's devastating every time aughh... and meanwhile y'know the dca are childcare animatronics but they know and can see troubles in any age and they're seeing a worrying amount of unhealthy coping mechanisms in this mysterious "doctor," so much so that they wonder if this doctor needs a doctor of their own. because even if the doctor is a different species they still need all the basic necessities of life that a human does and the dca are very specifically programmed to help humans. so they're just about perfect to help y/n!!!! and umm i think being able to see the universe is a super big deal to a couple of animatronics who were confined to a daycare their whole lives. maybe the inciting incident to their initial meeting had something to do with aliens trying to take down the human race through the children. and the dca notice the children acting strange and start going for help but no one's listening to them because they're "just robots" and it's frustrating and awful and they keep trying until by some coincidence they manage to inform y/n about it and y/n LISTENS to them doesn't ignore them and that's literally the ONLY THING they were asking for and y/n is the only one to give it to them. and then they work together (and isn't that wild for the dca, working with a perceived human instead of working under them, being able to make suggestions and offer ideas and not being brushed off!!!) and solve the mystery and defeat the terrible aliens who were using children for their master plan but due to all of it the dca's daycare is destroyed. and the dca has nowhere to go but stupid fazbear entertainment. and they've almost resigned themselves to returning to the hell of being nothing but an object for a giant corporation... until y/n says "come with me." and the dca say "yes."
ah right um on the other hand. time lord dca. two ideas i had: one, the master could be eclipse. then there'd be secondary idea one-A where the dca are in one body and one-B where they're separate. dunno about that one because a big thing with the doctor is that they're the SINGLE last time lord other than the master and they're desperate for companionship because of that. idea two: one half of the dca is the doctor and the other half is the master. prolly sun being doctor and moon being master but i could absolute see the other way around as well! then it hurts even more because they're two halves of the same whole, literally The Sun and The Moon as maybe they've chosen as titles instead of doctor and master actually. but the thing about the sun is that everything else orbits around it while the moon only revolves about the earth. wait oh my god that's fantastic actually. Sun taking the Master role because everything must be circling him, he must be at the center of everything, without him everything would flicker out and die, HE'S the most important thing and he needs EVERYONE to KNOW. and the most frustrating thing is that the moon is so so so enamored by the stupid earth and its stupid humans to pay enough attention to him. only one half of that moon is ever facing him but he needs all of its attention, he needs to see it all, and if he needs to rip the moon out of its orbit to do that then he WILL. meanwhile Moon is the little saving grace of the earth, so far away and unnoticeable that the humans don't notice his aid (like how the moon causes the tides). if the earth stopped spinning he'd be there to start them it again (anyone seen that one comic from the "what if?" book? yeah). no matter what he is there to keep earth and the humans safe, even if it's from the bright burning star that they rely on for life. and he's so so lonely, doing his best in the shadows, alone without his counterpart that has long been lost to time (or so he thinks) until he stumbles upon y/n and can't bear to let go. so when Sun returns, hoping his grand motions will capture Moon's heart, he is devastated to see Moon instead clinging tight to this small, insignificant life form. what about him? what about all the time they'd spent together? what happened to the sun and the moon? why is he not enough? and from devastation comes rage. from rage turns destruction. and, unfortunately for Sun, Moon despises destruction.
...or something like that.
#fnaf#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#dialogue dump#drabble dump#hoo boy looks like i made two different doctor who aus by accident. um. you're welcome?#this was great! haven't straight up rambled my ideas in a long time. thanks anon <3#dca who au
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thinking about transfem metal sonic again bc she’s like. the most transfem character in fiction whos not in any way actually transfem or coded transfem like it’s entirely unintentional and that’s what makes it so interesting to me. bc like her entire Thing is identity issues she was built to emulate, surpass, and be a superior version of sonic which like. we can talk about eggman hating sonic so much he literally made a better version of him as his own child another time but besides that metal's entire life has been being forced to fill the expectations placed on her to Be someone she can never be. and this is something that causes her a great deal of anguish! she literally has a mental breakdown over it it’s something that’s clearly traumatic and distressing to her bc she can’t do it! defeating and proving herself superior to sonic is something inexorably linked to her, and both cause her nothing but misery and are both very literally dehumanising towards her. she clings to them, bc she has nothing else and it’s the only path that she’s been allowed to even consider, but they don’t make her Happy. she wouldn’t be so fucking angry all the time if she was happy! but it’s what she’s literally been programmed to believe she wants even though chasing that ambition provides her no joy or relief.
and in sonic heroes, the pressure makes her snap. if she Has to fill the mould she’s forced into, then it’s the outside world saying she’s doing it wrong that’s the problem, because she Has to be perfect, right? metal sonic is the golden child out of all of her “siblings”, and while that means she’s not outright going to be destroyed by her father and faces much less verbal abuse and marginally more affection, it also means she’s forced to uphold the perfect image her father sees her as, else she fail and face the same treatment she’s seen her fellow badniks go through. and that image she’s always tried so, so hard to force herself to fit is that of her father's magnum opus, his masterpiece, a superior version of his enemy. and to be superior to sonic she has to Be sonic and so if everyone says she’s Not they have to be the ones in the wrong and not Her she has to be the real true superior sonic and she has to Prove it.
but the thing is, not only is she forcing herself into performing the perfect role set on her- one that’s specifically masculine- she also reinvents Herself. this is something in heroes a lot of people miss, but neo metal sonic isn’t an upgrade From Eggman to her (and also came After her breakdown, she did it Because she felt she couldn’t Beat Sonic And Therefore Be Him if she stayed the same) her neo form is entirely self designed, and it was done all by her own hands. neo metal sonic is probably the closest we can get to how metal actually wants to present herself to the world, that’s Literally just named to be the New Her, and. ma’am this is a goth girl.
like. not only is she Literally Wearing A Skirt, not only does she Literally Have Eyeliner, she's also designed in such a way it looks like she’s wearing clothes, which feels silly to bring up until you remember sonic anthro characters almost universally only wear clothes if they’re female. and neo metal sonic straight up has hatsune miku sleeves a belt with a flowy skirt and leg warmers but with spikes. like it’s already fem as shit (in a emo edgy fourteen year olds oc way) but like i'm pretty sure by mobian standards this is about as feminine as a murderous robot can reasonably get. and while obviously that doesn’t = gender, metal specifically presenting as feminine in her idealised form she designed herself, while having a meltdown because she’s unable to Be A Specific Boy and is having an identity crisis bc she’s miserable trying to chase that is… like, that’s just a closeted trans girl innit. like this is Very Obviously not the intended read but like… it’s an extremely obvious and resonant one?
metal is, canonically, a scared teenager. as in, she herself says that she was scared Before her transformation. she’s mentally like 15 afraid of failure with an abusive and neglectful father figure suffering from psychotic episodes brought about by golden child burnout. like that’s not how it’s phrased in a 2003 game rated 3 and up but that is like, objectively what’s happening in sonic heroes she’s very open about her motives that’s just canon. which doesn’t make her Trying To Burn A Toddler Alive in any way not absolutely horrible like people forget how excited she was to murder a group that included Multiple small children in it brutally she’s fucked up. but her issues with her identity are more tragic than anything. her being dehumanised and treated only as A Superior Sonic broke her. and when she finally is able to express herself in any way, she's able to present as, well, a very edgy teenage goth girl but in robot form! she’s a fucked up and evil person but she’s also unable to be her true self and she’s scared and frightened and alone. and she’s not incapable of good! she Did sacrifice her life for shadow in rivals 2 like she can care for people she’s not inherently evil she’s a Person just one that steals your IP address. but what Makes her evil is sticking to a path and presentation that makes her evil.
tl;dr: canonically transitioning would have saved her (this was not an intentional story decision they just accidentally made her ideal form goth girl hatsune miku before hatsune miku was even an idea)
#transfem metal sonic#metal sonic#sonic analysis#sorry sonic the hedgehog fandom you have to deal with my meta on why metal sonic is transfem as hell#this is why trans people love sonic heroes (me. i'm the trans people)
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Let's talk about the kidnap scene
Yes, the one in season 1 where Jinx kidnapped Caitlyn
First of all, the main reason Jinx hates Caitlyn is because she is jealous of Vi. The fear of losing her sister again, the fear of being left behind...In Jinx mind at the point, she and Caitlyn couldn't co-exist in Vi's life. Sure, the fact that Cait was an enforcer plays its part, but mainly I believe it was just jealousy..
So, I've seen people arguing about Jinx having more reasons to hate Caitlyn than Caitlyn has to hate Jinx and I disagree.
Jinx has no reason other than jealousy to hate Caitlyn, her beef is with Piltover and everything she thinks Cait represents and not Caitlyn the person. Similar to the Equalist and Amon beef against the Avatar, where he hated the symbol but couldn't care less abt the girl behind it. In this case, both Amon and Jinx dehumanize their enemy, seeing them just something that needs to be destroyed.
However, Caitlyn has all the reasons to hate Jinx. Jinx was responsible for a terrorist act that killed several enforcers and almost killed her, Jinx stole from Jayce (someone Cait sure loves like a brother) something that could be turned into a weapon, Jinx invaded Caitlyn's home and kidnapped her when she was the most vulnerable, Cait also spend hours at Jinx mercy where Jinx did/say God knows what to her, she was bound and gagged, she was victim of Jinx light emotional torture, she was knocked out by Jinx and Jinx killed her mom. So yes...I think she has tons of reasons to hate her.
But let's focus on the kidnap scene because the trauma Caitlyn suffers here is overlooked and probably something she didn't process right, since she was busy mourning the death of her mom.
1. Jinx invades her safe place. Caitlyn was literally coming out of the bath, totally vulnerable. Imagine someone sneaking into your room like that? It's terrifying. It makes the safe place not be safe anymore
2. Caitlyn was naked. Imagine you, naked, in the hands of some unhinged criminal? I know some people hc or question if Jinx did something against Caitlyn at the moment, but I doubt it, Jinx is unhinged but she wouldn't do such a thing. The maximum thing she would do is mock. Idk, say something like "so that's what you use to seduce Vi" just to make Cait feel uncomfortable but nothing more aggressive than this.
Even still, being naked, possibly mocked and being forced to dress at gun point is already traumatic enough.
3. We don't know what happened when Cait was being held hostage by Jinx. If Jinx used some help to bring Cait to Zaun, which I think she did, she prob off them once they got where she wanted. And if this happened Cait prob saw these murder.
Anyway this is all hc but what we know, bc ain't hard to deduct, is that Jinx played mind games with Cait. Drawing a smile in her gag, maybe invading her personal space by acting the same way she acted around Silco and Sevika - being all touchy and over the place. And maybe saying things like "you will die today" "she will choose me"
Which again, is traumatic enough.
And if she just knocked her out and dressed the unconscious Cait, imagine being Caitlyn: One moment you're out of bath, saw Jinx and boom, you're out and when you wake up you're dressed and helpless, tied to a chair.
I would be terrified by the idea of what happened when I was out. Jinx could have done nothing but cover her body, but Cait doesn't know this. She doesn't know what Jinx did and if someone else saw her like that.
4. The "Family Dinner" scene.
Caitlyn was there with Silco before Vi's came. So I think the fact that she was sitting next to the most dangerous man in the under city, was something that brought shivers into her spine, even tho he was in the same position as her. If somehow he gets free or Jinx changes his mind about what she would do to him, she would be gone.
Vi came, brought by Jinx and the emotional torture begin. Sure, Cait and Vi were already in love but Jinx was Vi's sister, the one she already knew Vi loved deeply and would do anything to have it back so she was probably scared that Vi would play into Jinx game and choose her sister. Something that didn't happen and is the reason why Caitlyn didn't shoot Jinx when she gets the chance.
Vi saved her life by putting her own on the line, Vi proved she loved Caitlyn right there (even without knowing it). And Caitlyn proved she loved Vi when she didn't shoot the Jinx (again, even without knowing it)
And all that, all those strong feelings and traumatic events were crushed because of the even more traumatic event that was Caitlyn's mom dying because of Jinx's attack.
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fall river massachusetts late 1892-1893 dash simulator
🥃 remember1794 Follow
lmaoo of course l*zz*e was a member of the temperance movement….. broads like that are always the worst
📿 godbeliever Follow
and??? are you saying that being against the overconsumption of alcohol is somehow akin to being a brutal murderer?????
🥃 remember1794 Follow
yes
🪓 bordenupdates
dont bother engaging with remember1794 his entire blog is posts about the whisky rebellion of 1794 or about how much he hates women
#notborden
7,394 notes
👒 gibsons-a-girl Follow
look all im saying is that miss lizzie is unmarried and hasn’t had ANY suitors… and maggie is unwed too. im just saying!
👞 shoeshiningisawomansduty Follow
im so tired of you sapphists projecting your filthy disease onto everyone. no one cares.
👒 gibsons-a-girl Follow
thats not what your mother said to me last night
👒 gibsons-a-girl Follow
wait why is your blog just photographs of mens footwear
#wild ass site
1,808 notes
❄️ alaskafan Follow
i think the uncle did it bc what the fuck kind of middle name is vinnicum
❄️ alaskafan Follow
AND hes a butcher ? might as well write murderer on his head lmaoooooooo
❄️ alaskafan Follow
bordenupdates just vagueposted about me
#hope this is ok to rb op bc LMAO
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🐋 righttowhale Follow
ever since the 1850s big petroleum has been working to destroy the whaling industry, backed by the naturalists who find a problem with the hunting of whales, despite there being an abundance of the beasts in the sea! do not reject whaling – trust when whale experts say that these creatures will never be at a serious risk, don't fall for the propaganda of big petroleum
⚓️ sunkenmen
what the fuck are you talking about. did a whale kill your parents or something.
🐋 righttowhale Follow
yes, actually.
⚓️ sunkenmen
. sorry
#sorry for your loss but your politics suck
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📿 godbeliever Follow
i don't believe that women are capable of a crime so brutal. even when judith slayed holofernes, she did so by the guiding of God. her actions were virtuous in nature. women, being of the fairer sex, who serve God as lizzie does are not capable of a murder so foul. jezebel was able to do as she did because she spurned Him.
👒 gibsons-a-girl Follow
stop lumping sapphist lizzie defenders with these freaks.
#this discourse has been incredible #anyway block godbeliever
3,552 notes
🕯 literate-lover-19
the adventures of sherlock holmes my beloved
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🧺 thepoppypamphleteer Follow
theres nothing wrong an opium reliance.
🧺 thepoppypamphleteer Follow
i always wanted to fuck her
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🧵 spindlecity
does anyone wanna take me to the columbia exposition :( i know its in illinois but still
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Thinking about how clearly the movie establishes that it’s Meg/Herbert making decisions for Dan. He’s very easily influenced and can be extremely compliant; if he’s left to his own devices he’s impulsive/driven by his immediate wants/emotions more than any rational thought. Hell even at the beginning Dr. Harrod had to remind him there’s nothing else they can do for the patient bc he’s refusing to give up when he should.
Meg is the one that reminds him her father will destroy his scholarship if he finds out they’re sleeping together—once when he tries to get her to stay for round 2, and again when she stops Dan from hitting Herbert (literally the dumbest and most impulsive thing he could do in that situation). Meg is the one stopping Dan from doing something disastrous in his short-sidedness. He looks at her for her answer before he says they can’t stay for drinks/study at the house (also that’s just being a good partner but). He wants to kick Herbert out immediately but Meg again stops him until they get something on him.
Also. Hill said Meg is young and impressionable and that Herbert and Dan are dangerous to her. But really Dan is the one who is impressionable. Meg isn’t weak willed and she didn’t like Herbert from the get-go. But it is interesting how Dan defends Herbert even before knowing about the re-agent, before Herbert had a carrot to dangle in front of him. Dan is the weak link. There are so many times when he should have sided with Meg over Herbert but he gives Herbert the benefit of the doubt, like when Herbert says he tried to save Dr. Gruber.
Herbert and Meg are literally fighting for control/influence over Dan outside of Dean Halsey’s office; Meg is imploring Dan to listen to her, she and Herbert keep placing themselves between the other and Dan to get his attention. And Dan, when pushed and pulled between Meg and Herbert, both with wills stronger than his, sided with Herbert because of the chance to save lives—and we ofc remember him losing the patient in the beginning of the movie.
Herbert uses Dan’s altruism against him when he can’t get him to do what he wants. He pushes back against Herbert yet always submits to his will in the end. Dan has fallen into the ends justify the means mentality just as Herbert. Doesn’t matter what awful shit he has to put up with if Herbert keeps reminding him that they could defeat death, he’ll do it.
Poor Danny you never stood a chance.
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Fics that defined my love of f1 rpf
In celebration of literally nothing actually, i bring you a fic rec list of some of my favourites!!! very condensed (100+ -> 15 not even including tumblr fics) and im kinda sad i cant put all of my favs down lol but these are like my must reads!!
pleaseeee read these if u havent already its all amazing even if you dont vibe with the ships themselves
Strollonso:
silver platter by atwater | E | 9k
Literally the first fic I've ever read and basically got me into this fandom (and ship). Theyre both so unhinged and amazing it's a very fun read. Probably the best written lance ive every read.
Make Sound by antimonyandthyme | E | 1k
Makes me so fucking insane no notes this is just amazing oh my god
I make two grand an hour by Kaytheologie | E | 3k
Literally so hot and so amazing. lance is so bitchy in this one is great. amazing writing and amazing premise, literally inspired me to sketch out something right after (might finish it at some point)
Sewis:
provenance by ecorone | M | 18K
Literally the fic that introduced and made me fall in love with sewis. it wrecked me like i still havent recovered at all. the writing itself is just, i vibe to it so much
The Numbering at Bethlehem by Kaytheologie | E | 26k
might be one of my favourite fics, ever. what a masterpiece genuinely the environment is just so immersive and lush. ive reread it a dozen time and it never gets old
Brocedes:
you're my purple candy high by nothoughtsjustvibes | M | 5k
baby's first brocedes 🥹 started my love affair with emotional destruction. ruined me when i just first read it and ruined me every time after that. The writing is so profound and laid out their tragedy bare.
the torture of small talk with someone you used to love by finedae | T | 2k
baby's first nico fic!! it also destroyed me!! i think this is the one that made me join f1br bc i was just so obsessed with the writing i needed to know what the author was like lol.
3344:
special research vessels by ecorone | M | 15k
listen i thought this ship wouldve been more popular than it is LOL or at least not as hated. regardless, i love this fic so much. I love the environment, I love the dialogue, the characterization, everything. It's just such an amazing reading experience
matchstick people by ecorone | E | 60k
if you havent noticed by now, im obsessed with this author. the prose, the characterizations, how beautifully the magical realism of it all was realized. horror as a genre is so underutilized in fanfics as a whole but when its done, its done amazingly. love love love
Others:
crude generalisations and vulgar simplifications by crescenteluce | E | 14k | Alexander Albon/George Russell
This fic is THE galex fic for me. it so funny and the writing is so witty its just fun to read. love the way the environment is constructed and it everything just feels so real. amazing
it's more than I can bear: this interminable want, turning and turning. by Anonymous | E | 2k | Fernando Alonso/George Russell
The vibes are rancid, the ships are niche, the writing is good. what more do you need? i love reading this and i love thinking about this.
Amen by sirius | M | 9k | Fernando Alonso/Lewis Hamilton
THE ferwis fic is my mind and mad me unreasonably obsessed with this ship. its so well written- like i love the characterization so much it makes me insane.
on golden sands bysionisjaune | T | 6k | Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg/Sebastian Vettel
Listen, this and the ships that go sailing are both just amazingly entertaining fics. its objectively such a good read and i enjoy spending my time reading it. its just so fun!
steal the air out of my lungs (make me feel it) by nahco3 | E | 26K | Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
My favourite medical au fic!! ever!!! everything is just so well realized and the characterization is just spot on!! love everything about this fic and nothing i say can fully explain how amazing this fic is!!!
Shutter Speed byantimonyandthyme | E | 18k | Sebastian Vettel/Mark Webber
got me into photography lol. made me purchase my first actual camera. dont know what else to say its just that amazing
#strollonso#sewis#brocedes#3344#4433#<- i literally still dont know which one most ppl use#galex#1463#????#ferwis#sebcedes#maxiel#sebmark#fic recommendation#rec list#i need to reread all of these#i wish i could say more but one reason i love reading fics so much#is because i literally cant write for the life of me#(literally doing a minor and english what is wrong w me)#kimio7xt
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totk is like a highly polished alpha build of a game to me
graphic- fantastic, i just love botws style of graphics, its the perfect blend of something more realistic but very stylized and timeless
visual design- great, i cant stand anything sonau (zonai), and ganondorfs concept art is better than final (and still involves lots of annyoing stereotypes) but overall still pretty solid
sound design- phenomenal, it really is, the underground, the rain on the parasail? unmatched, already loved botw but they really outdid themselves here
music- possibly best in the series to me, like ... theres so many fantastic tracks, in isolation i love so many of them so much ... which sucks bc being connected to such a lackluster rest sours them badly
mechanics- working but undercooked/unfit for the world, its impressive they got ultrahand working at all, but its still clunky/quickly frustrating and badly balanced also contributes to utterly destroying botws world design- this ability was simply not made for this world and is in the end both detrimental to it and itself, bc that mechanic could have truly shined in a game REALLY build around it (... if they could manage to balance it well and stop handing you the solution, it would be funyn if it werent so sad how many times the game literally doesnt even make you engage with its main gimmick bc it just hands you the prebuild thing) time reversal breaks every puzzle/challenge, also unbalanced, ceiling jump is the most harmless but i still think it lets you skip too much
writing- worst in the series, where would i even start with that, not a single character is written well/interestingly, most detrimentally the main characters, .. like all of them, zelda, ganondorf, rauru... and the "story", its barely even bare bones, its plain cardboard with an old divine right propaganda slogan written on, continuity in a direct sequel is non existant, there is no follow up on anything, why did they call it that when they dont seem to have any love for anything botw did given how much they trample over everything it established, i struggle to believe they actually thought this was good, theres has to have been trouble during development
world design/changes- a joke, ... i dont know how people dont feel scammed by how little was actually changed, no, a few rocks sprinkled througout are not meaningful changes, i was one of the people not worried about them reusing the world bc i loved this world and was sure theyd meaningfully change it- god how wrong i was; the sky and underground are both like the bare bones with textures and placeholder rewards/points of interest, they both do not matter at all and their potential is yet again utterly, painfully, wasted and only add more points of destruction to the map in case of the sky, and both add confusion about everything, not the good kind of intriguing confusion, the bad nothing makes sense confusion it really does seem like they put some quick changes into every main point of interest where most players would go to make them think they changed things when .. they only changed these parts, barely, either bc they knew everyone would skip around the world anyway so it wouldnt be worth it, or bc its ... unfinished
game design/structure- baffling (bad), connected to the point above, but it truly is beyond me why they repeated the exact same structure as botw while removing what made that work, why would you repeat every point of interest of the previous game, i know zelda games always have their regions and thats where stuff happens, but they REUSED THE SAME WORLD, you CANNOT repeat the exact same points in the same world, you just cant, its the same places, the same characters, the same structure (aka dungeons being less interesting/easier titans (divine beasts) with a paint job in structure), you basically erase the well integrated ancient tech civilization to replace it with another, not well integrated, more boring and overly pushed into your face, ancient tech civilization and make them the answer to everything that ever was (BORING), the same story structure (but worse, like the memory system but remove what made it work in botw)- AND THEN repeat the same points in the underground too? thats bonkers, literally baby bananas
dungeons/puzzles - worse than botw by FAR, as mentioned above, dungeons are less interesting titans with a paintjob (plus an extraordinarily awful cutscene, which is repeated like FIVE TIMES almost word for word), they serve no purpose but to act like they are totally real traditional dungeons when they are not, they are laughing at you, shrines are back with a paintjob with less interesting puzzles (if they even have one given how many just give you a spirit orb knock off) that can all be skipped, though the puzzles can often not even be called that (put log over gap WOOOAH puzzle) among many awful and unecessary tutorial ones (its not bad to have easy ones, but aside from the few ones that take all your stuff away -omg restrictions in MY freedom tm game??- which are the best ones, to have none be even a little challenging or not utterly skippable without even using glitches, its like they didnt even try to stop you from cheating, which is like being given a skip button with no strigns attached, doesnt even let you feel smart bc you dont have to try to cheat)
UI/controls- awful, you cant tell me this was tested by real people playing for longer than 10 minutes at once, how did the ghosty sage control scheme and arrow/weapon fusing get through this, HOW, its unbelievably tedious and detrimental to any fun (as im doing with my rewrite, a crafting system would have been so good here ..... like a proper simple crafting system, have the materials, craft your new arrow types in stacks etc) the ghost sages are not only utterly useless in combat, but clog your screen, play distracting animations as soon as you look at a slope, you constantly accidentally activate them or the wrong one bc its mapped to the main interact button!!! if you use them say goodbye to your framerate, fights are now spent chasing after some ghost guy whos actively running away from you, they do not invoke a feeling of 'connection' to my 'friends', they are invoking feelings of hatred and frustration
performance- ... passable (if you dont have the sages out .... well, it runs better than pokemon scarlet so i guess its fine, the lag when closing and opening the menu is rly annoying, especially combined with the finger and patience breaking menues and how often you need to open a game pasuing menue, but fights with a monster horde AND the sages out? yeah no its as bad as pokemon scarlet at its worst, not to mention the chaos of having five useless ghost scramble around you getting knocked around by enemies)
price- a scam, this game is not worth 70 bucks, its just not, if you get a used copy and dont spend more time in it than it takes for you to just go straight to the main points, or if you dont care about anything else but dicking around with a clunky building system ... then you can have some fun with it yeah ..... still not worth 70 money, theres probably better building games out there for less too
it jsut feels not done, not finished, its presentation and some parts are highly polished and their marketing for it is unlike anything i have ever seen, but its so .... unfinished, no amount of epic visuals is gonna let me not think of this game being half done at best, after what, 6 years of development no less? with most assets already being there and being reused unaltered??
(i am holding tightly onto the theory of it either having an extremely troubled development that is being hidden bc of their reputation, or some sort of neglect in order to focus on other more lucrative projects, this is just all too weird to me)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#i wanted to make a short list#but look i cant ever make anything short huh#sorry ok#im trying to not do as many long text posts anymore#.... this might be my last totk complaint post in a long while#i feel like i said it all by now
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OH MY GOD THE G!P YUJIN DESTROYING Y/N WHILE WEARING NOTHING BUT YUJ’S VARSITY JACKET I NEED THIS SO BAD 😵💫😵💫😵💫
RIGHR ANON SJDHDKFNEHEB 🫠🫠🫠🫠
JUST IMAGINE OMG........ yujinnie's ego just getting inflated even more seeing you walk around campus with her varsity jacket on, looking so adorable paired up with your cute little skirt,,, watching her practice with her team one day and just sitting there being fine and yujin's so distracted bcs why did you pull of the varsity look better than she did⁉️⁉️ but she loved it so much she couldn't resist telling you to keep it on while removing every other clothing you had on... 😵💫😵💫 ehehdjdjdk yujinnie bending you over her bed, moaning and groaning while pounding your tight cunt as she stared at the 'AHN' and '07' stitched onto the back of the jacket........ it really makes her feel super possessive of you 😵💫 like her ego is already massive but adding onto the fact that you belong to her⁉️⁉️⁉️ yea yujin had every right to boast about her cute girlfriend to her teammates...
omgomgomg yujinnie telling you to promise her that she owns you... that nobody will ever get to touch you like she does........ and ofc you're so dick-whipped, and a fucking slut for yujin in general, that you nod and repeat whatever she made you said and oh it would just unlock something so sinister in yujin that she just,,,,, fucks you all night, marks you all over as if the varsity jacket wasn't enough to tell people that you were hers 😍😍
definitely doesn't complain whenever you walk around her dorm wearing only her jacket and some panties (when her roomie's not around ofc... your body was for her eyes only!!!!) not even a bra which is great bcs yujin can just reach over and play with your tits whenever she wants!!! then ofc this leads to yujin making you ride her while watching a movie,, you're facing the tv screen, moaning helplessly while she toys with your clit as her cock stretched you outtt 😵💫😵💫😵💫 feeling so hot that you wanted to take the jacket off but see you liked it too... and you liked it whenever yujin was territorial over you... so you let her destroy your cunt however she wants 🥰❤️🔥❤️🔥
AJSHSJDJSD I WANNA DO THE JERSEY THING TOO CUZ IT'S SO!!?#&&#*@"& 😵💫😵💫
LIKE... yujinnie smiling and grinning seeing you in the bleachers wearing her jersey while she's in the court... cool and silly basketball captain yuj sending you a kiss after every successful shot, making everybody tease and coo at you bcs aww what a cute couple!! but then she's got you choking on her cock in the backseat of her car... patting your head and calling you a good girl,, the sight of your ass up in the air, innocent eyes focused on her as you sucked her off, desperate to have her cum down your throat...
oh and she definitely takes pictures too 🫢🫢 like maybe you're fucking in front of a mirror and you're bouncing on her cock and she just pulls out her phone and takes a mirror pic of you on her dick.. ass out n everything... OH OMG she also takes pics of you, yk wearing nothing but her jacket/jersey and gets off to them whenever you're not around 🤤 and you also like to send vids of yourself stretching your pussy out for her while wearing any of her clothes,,,,, and this just drives her so crazy that she literally storms into your room and fucks you like she never have before,, AAACCKKK 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫
#ive smut#ive x fem reader#ive imagines#ive x reader#ahn yujin x fem reader#ahn yujin smut#ahn yujin imagines#ahn yujin x reader#yujin smut#girl group x reader#girl group imagines#girl group smut
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What do you think about an AU where Shen Jiu suffers a Qi Deviation the day before Luo Binghe's disciple selection, so he misses it, and no one selects him. His, of course, devastated until they announced that if anyone wants another chance, they can earn one in Bai Zhan. LBH becomes a Bai Zhan disciple, but since the world needs him to have a scum teacher, Shen Jiu's role is now transferred to Liu Qingge.
With the switching of fate, now anytime Luo Binghe crosses paths with Shen Jiu, he sees him at either his more vulnerable or when he does something that clearly contradicts the rumors. When he sees Liu Qingge with Shen Jiu, all he sees are the worst interactions where the aggressor is his teacher. In this life, SJ is the victim in LBH eyes and LQG the bully.
In this life, all of SJ's bad luck suddenly goes to LQG. So when he Qi deviates in the caves his alone as Shen Jiu enters much later than intended. His near death when his saved, but his cultivation is irreparable damaged. Suddenly, Liu Qingge becomes the embittered teacher with the ruin cultivation. His confined to his peak and forced to be a teacher for the first time. But of course, his neglect becomes obvious as he doesn't know how to, and, in LBH's eyes, the negligence now becomes abuse. It becomes LQG taking out his frustration out on his students.
So among his fellow disciples' brutal hazing and bullying (because no one can convince me that he wouldn't be seen as the runt of the litter, and they wouldn't try to toughing him up via violence), Luo Binghe now has to deal with his teacher's abuse on top of that. So he still has a terrible time at Cang Qiong regardless of which peak he ends up. But his and Shen Jiu's fate are still entwined. SJ sees this orphan who grew up in poverty being beaten for no reason by his peers and teacher and projects hard. So, due to triggered trauma and spite, he takes LBH under his wing. Like teaching him to write better, giving him a good cultivation manual for a physical cultivator, and even giving him lessons in strategy. Meanwhile, Luo Binghe, who has abandonment issues because he wasn't picked by the other Peak lords and literally had to fight for his place in the sect, quickly grows attached to the one Peak Lord who wasn't there at his selection (who could have picked him that day if he wasn't bed ridden) and actually seems to treat him kindly. Who takes his claims of abuse against Liu Qingge seriously, even if no one else does. Who advocates for him even if doing so causes Shen Jiu nothing but grief as no one takes him seriously as well.
So, whichever the universe, Shen Jiu still ends up as Luo Binghe's shizun in one way or another as their fates are forever linked.
I don't think Luo Binghe could handle Bai Zhan tbh. He could not handle Shen Qingqiu, I don't see him being able to take beatings from LQG, who is the War God.
This is a nice AU, a role switch with Shen Jiu in the role of hero/savoir. It's plausible.
If you took it all the way though, and dropped LBH into the abyss that could result in some fun conflict when he returns. He can't destroy the peaks because Shen Qingqiu won't let him. And it would be interesting if LBH's abuse wasn't acknowledged, bc LQG beating his disciples is not considered abuse in canon. It's somehow educational training though it is literally described as beatings and not as sparring.
No need to shy away from that.
LBH can still hate LQG for throwing him into the abyss or trying to kill him for being a demon + the beatings which he thinks are abuse but no one else does. A Shen Qingqiu who doesn't have LQG breathing down his neck and accusing him of shit or being unbeatable may very well be calm enough to take on an extra disciple. He might even sell at as a gracious favour to LQG, taking the difficult brat LBH off his hands.
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in no particular order, here are my favorite fics that i've read this year!! please show a lot of love to all of these wonderful authors <3 (also please heed their rules, esp for nsfw fics!!)
part of my 2023 wrap up!
@koqabear
um like. quite literally everything sol has posted this year. i am being so serious. check out their masterlist right NEOWWWW and read EVERYTHING
@blackhairedjjun
flowers of every color — i could rave about this series for like 10 hours straight, i'm not even kidding. it's sweet with the perfect amount of angst to really draw you in, i fell in love with every character more and more with each chapter <3 now where is my prince!jjunie :(
@tyunkus
amazon wishlist (m) — me when me when me when roommate!tyun offers to fuck me...god, i need this so bad
@jishyucks
gloves & dittany — OHHHHH how i love this fic...one of the best harry potter aus i have ever read, and with yeonjun?? slytherin!yeonjun!!!! ooooo you really got me good, op <3
bittersweet — *cowboy cat meme* DRUNK SOOOOOOOOOB i think this wins the award for being the cutest fic i read in the year of 2023
@beom-pyu
i can't swim, idiot! (m) — i will never not shut up about this fic...just faking married? with beomgyu?? with feelings involved??? yeah. Yeah <3
like the moon — merman!kai you will always be famous to me, one of my all-time favorites by far!!!!!
@toruro
answers (m) — this academic rival!taehyun fic had me screaming crying gnawing on my leg like wtf mika. how could you do this to me. i am dead now.
@hyukalyptus
something nice (m) — i went SOOOO insane over this fic like the dynamics were just. scrumptious. i love yeonkai i love this fic i love hp for writing this yes yes yes
like, never ever? (m) — ohhhh my god. this one really got me good,, dom best friend!beomgyu giving mc her first orgasm?? sign me tf up !!!!!!
@qqtxt
sway with me — i sent this in for their 1k event i just :')))) i love this so so so much!!!! dancing with yeonjun is my dream, so thank you for taking my request op!! <3
@hueareloved / @huenation
my love mine all mine (m) — the most tender and soft and SWEET nsfw fic i have ever read, so in love with this and sleepy lovesick jjunie AGHH brb rereading this
ditto — ohhhh how i love angst. amor's writing style is beautiful and it made this beomgyu fic that much more heart-wrenching <3
@huckleberrykai
laundry basket (m) — no bc this went CRAZYYY with the perv!mc thing, savored every single word of this kai fic tbh
comfy cozy (m) — CUTE AF. i am the biggest proponent of soft smut and berry writes it so well <3 i loveee soft yeonjun more than life itself
@aduh0308 / @banggyu0308
yeehaw (m) — OKAYYY cowboys!taejun fucking destroyed me like. i don't think i ever recovered from this
berry sorbet (m) — i need kai to be my soulmate rn wtf. cute n sweet and i loved it
@boba-beom
airport crush pt.2 (m) — the minute smiles told me she was working on airport crush pt.2 i passed away. nothing could have prepared me for this fic, it destroyed me in the best way...god, i need yeonjun so bad
trapped in your game (m) — i salivated. i quaked. i (s)creamed. best friend!yeonjun, please hmu </3
@napofamoon / @mazeinthemoon
you're the one love (m) — moonie ATE with this fallen angel!yeonjun fic!! i love sacrilege n this was just sooo hot
@tubatwo
workaholic — this made me giggle and kick my feet so hard...i love you cafe boss taehyun, pls marry me
@hyuk4ngel
honeymoon avenue — i. love. angst. and fay is exceptionally talented at writing it!! taehyun better watch out tho >:(
@mapofthemazeinthemirror / @afterbluehours
untitled (m) — this yeonbin x reader fic is SOOOO hot like. i screamed. i cried. i rolled around in a fetal position because it just made me so insane
@nightlyawnzz
duality (m) — OHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYY GODDDDDDD i think this is one of the hottest kai fics i have ever read in my entire life. i don't often see kai as a hard dom in fics so this opened my eyes (can't wait for the final part!!)
@scintillasofbeomgyu
you are in love — one of my jjunie comfort fics!!! sweet n soft and everything to me :')
@petrichor-han
twenty-three suns (m) — rain's writing style hits me straight in the gut, especially with this summer fling au with taehyun :') lovely yet heart-wrenching and AGHH i love this
@ncteez
untitled (m) — UMMM this camboy!yeonjun fic altered the trajectory of my entire life. i fucking die every time i read this, like it has to be laced with crack or something
menace (m) — this was batshit INSANE LIKEEEE gangster!yoongi fucked me up so bad (in the best way)
@yeonboy
never meet your heroes — ONE OF MY FAVS EVER. LIKE. COLLEGE AU WITH SOOBIN???? I AM SO OBSESSED YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND
@ijhyo
how to get the girl — i ate this up SO hard. i just adore both the mc and beomgyu's characters in this, definitely another all-time favorite of mine
@cheolhub
head (m) — SAR YOU WERE INSANE FOR THIS. sub!soobin makes me so feral and this made my brainrot even worse UGHHH
@starbandit
backseat (m) — oh. oh yeah. now this is everything to me, best friend!yeonjun + car sex = a very very happy me
@tonicandjins
learning languages (m) — i don't often read donghyuck fics (or nct fics in general), but this one. oh, this one is beautiful. it made me cry, it made go through so many emotions i just. read this right now, you won't regret it
@heart2beom
cliche — i still vividly remember this first time that i read this, the dialogue is hilarious and it is just sweet n fluffy n AGHH i will forever adore this fic <3
and some more accounts with amazing fics!!!: @majestyjun @hyewka @taegimood @naomiarai @hyuk4sbf @fairyofshampgyu @enha-cafe @moonhoures @wolfytae-exe @dearlyjun @heartchoi @sook9i @tinietaehyun @minastras
a big thank you to all of these writers for sharing your works!! <3
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mezzo forte — non-confrontational
track 7: pity party | masterlist | track 9: homesick v.2
heavy, purple bags weigh his eyes down. it's the first thing she notices when she swings open the door with a little too much force. he's exhausted, that much made obvious by the droopiness on his face and the unkempt nature of his hair. for a moment, she forgets why she came there.
he doesn't make a move to let her in. instead, he rests the entirety of his weight on the doorframe, the old painted wood creaking ever so slightly beneath the pressure. it's as if her presence is a hindrance to him. her feet plant themselves on the floor in retaliation to his foreign detachment, and slowly, the confusion and anger that motivated her visit come crawling back in the form of pinpricks clinging onto her spine.
"hajime," she mutters, and the forgoing of his usual nickname makes him falter just a bit. "what happened that night? at the reunion party?"
he shifts his stance from one leg to the other. he doesn't know what to say.
"you and tooru have ignored me since, and it- i don't know, i just feel lost. i don't know what happened. and i hate that both of you are hiding it from me," she rambles, and he can tell she's upset.
truthfully, he's horrified. he doesn't want to tell her the truth -- if it even is the truth -- but he knows that nothing will happen if he doesn't say anything.
"who have your songs been for this whole time?" he asks, his voice cracking and his hands shaky. the creases on her forehead only increase tenfold, and he's scared. a heavy sigh falls from her lips.
"it's always been you, haji," she heaves out, unloading a burden that had hung heavy on her shoulders for years upon years. "they were all for you. i don't- i don't understand how you didn't see it. and i feel stupid for not making it more obvious."
he pauses. his mouth hangs agape and with every shallow breath he takes, a bit of his pride and confidence seeps out. disbelief weighs heavily in his heart and overpowers every other rational sense that's kept him going for so long.
"it can't be me. it really, really can't."
it comes out as a whisper, his words nearly lost to the gentle summer breeze. she hears it as a rejection -- an admission that she cannot write syrupy, silly melodies for him, because he cannot satisfy the sickly sweet sensation rotting her heart. she loathes how aloof he seems to be about it.
something bubbles up within her throat. she's scared that, if she so much as breathes another breath, she'll say something she doesn't mean. so, instead, with an ache in her chest and a pounding in her head, she walks away -- because she cannot bear to face the end of the road that she's been running on for so long.
he doesn't chase after her, nor does he depart from the scene. hajime maintains his posture against the door. guilt gnaws violently at the sinew between his bones and every ligament that ensures his stability, and he swears he can feel the pitter-patter of his heart diminish into something slow and scattered.
hajime is terribly non-confrontational when it comes to her -- that much had been a consistent truth since they met, in their little suburban neighborhood at the unripe age of 7 -- and he curses his own weakness for destroying what he'd been holding onto so desperately.
♪ i’m lowk rushing thru this bc i’m too eager to end mezzo forte i’m sorry 😭😭 i love it but i canr wait for it to end if that makes sense
♪ yn got nothing done in the whole week of no contact with the other two. she was quite literally paralyzed with fear she couldn’t finish any of her work
♪ yachi thrives on severe retail therapy habits if u couldnt tell
♪ msby 4 was lowk listening from the hallway they love the chismis but also they r actually invested in this relationship
♪ i think we might get the triple update tn 😭😭
taglist: @zumicho @causenessus @guitarstringed-scars @yuminako @chemiru @sunnyskiezzzz @httpsivy @itsdragonius @theycallmenanamisgirl @wyrcan @19calicos @hunnies4bunnies @mawenskiblue @diorzs @loverlunaire @mfcherry @solaqes @myromanempiree @brithedemonspawn @corvid007 @lilchubbyyy
#mezzo forte#haikyuu smau#hq smau#iwaizumi smau#haikyuu fic#haikyuu fanfic#haikyuu fanfiction#hq fic#hq fanfic#hq fanfiction#iwaizumi fic#iwaizumi fanfic#iwaizumi fanfiction#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu smut#haikyuu angst#hq fluff#hq smut#hq angst#iwaizumi fluff#iwaizumi smut#iwaizumi angst#iwaizumi#iwaizumi hajime#hajime iwaizumi#haikyuu iwaizumi#hq iwaizumi#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x y/n
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