#literally should write the book on coping with trauma bc he has done well and i love him so much

[bisexualbailorgana]

the way dr culber goes from being murdered, to being trapped in a mycelial dimension that’s trying to kill him to being literally resurrected & given a new body and having to rebuild his identity and relationship with his husband after this unimaginable trauma to being discovery’s fun emotional support gay uncle is literally insane

[meetmeatthecoda]

Okay so, I wanted to offer my two cents on that ask about Liz’s reaction in Luther Braxton: Conclusion. This is NOT meant as an attack on anyone—I find it 100% valid that the OG nonny (and anyone who related to them, including you dear Coda 💖💖💖) feels the way they do; they can’t control how they reacted to Liz any more than I can control how I reacted to that ask. Plus like, this is all fiction so no harm done? I purely wish to share my perspective, not ~present a counterargument~ or anything like that. :) Apologies in advance for how long this got. 😅😅😅

I get why you would react negatively to Liz’s screaming at Red, but I feel like?? That incident of all the times she’s treated him unjustly was (one of?) the most reasonable. Now, how she continues to act afterwards (regarding the Fulcrum but also, like, for the rest of the show welp) is 100% a continued bad decision in so many ways on her part and reflects terribly on her character, but her reaction in the immediate aftermath?? IDK, I feel the need to kind of defend her, probably because I absoluuuutely saw myself in her when she did that. I’ve (I shamefully admit) yelled, shoved, and even kicked at loved ones when they just wanted to comfort me but their attempts made me feel cornered and small. I’ve made logically unbased and ethically/emotionally unfair accusations against people who’ve done nothing but try to help me when I just needed something to get them away (literally or otherwise). When I just needed to attack something—take out my frustrations and confusion and fear and anger on someone. (And if Liz was like that, she might have latched onto Red as her target because he was the closest thing—physically, emotionally, and even in relation to the cause of that confusion and anger itself.) I have inflicted real harm on people while in an unsettling or unfamiliar mental state—harm that I couldn’t take back even when I could look back with a clear(er) mind and realize I never should have said/done any of that.

(Also, side note: when I first watched that ep and I saw Liz screaming at Red not to touch her?? I’d actually thought they were depicting her as being touch-averse due to the trauma and/or overstimulation, and I was?!! Like, call me badly coping but I appreciate seeing characters not being comfortable or straight-up being aggressive about being touched, even for just a moment, because that is me 24/7. Then of course a few more seconds and it turns out it’s not actually that?? Liz is just repulsed by Red’s Bad Guyness again apparently?? Whenever I rewatch the ep I still choose to see it as overstimulation though because, well… my heart is clearly very talented at choosing comfort characters for me. 🥲🥲🥲)

So speaking from personal experience, coming out of a trauma (or revisiting an unresolved one) is so stressful that it’s only natural to react explosively—even to the extent of unfairness and unreasonableness—in an attempt to protect or heal yourself, whether that attempt be justified or not. And honestly, I could even make the argument that for Liz, her attempt was to some extent justified. Of course Red would never hurt her, but sometimes a person needs breathing space. Like, literally needs. Maybe for the sake of her mental stability/health, Liz should have had her first moments coming up from her trance to herself. Does that make sense?? IDK if I made any sense there; I just know that while I never could have gotten to the place I’m at now without the EVENTUAL professional and personal support I’ve been blessed with, I also can’t fathom how much more mental anguish I would have experienced if I’d had people who knew me (or like, the “closest person” in Liz’s case) see me in the immediate aftermath of my trauma. Just… The state I was in? Yikes, am I glad only I saw myself pull myself together; I’d have had so much more to worry about with others seeing me like that. That might just be me and totally inapplicable to Liz of course, so I digress!

I’m not saying Liz isn’t responsible for her words/actions simply because they happened while she was in utter emotional upheaval and under mental and physical duress—Red definitely did NOT deserve that treatment from her. He did NOTHING WRONG. But with that kind of complex angst comes the inevitably mixed but nonetheless potent reactions of fans, I completely understand that. Everyone has different experiences and thus different viewpoints, and that’s fine and totally healthy in my book. Still, something about that discussion struck a chord with me—you can (and should) hold someone accountable for the harm they do while mentally unstable, but it’s possible and also healthy to do that without, yourself, harboring anger or resentment against them, you know? I had to teach myself (and those around me) that, so I guess I just wanted to put it out there. Again, I don’t mean to start anything and I’m so, so sorry if I inadvertently have. I hope it’s okay that I came here to explain my thoughts (and so wordily too, ack I’m sorry), and if not, I won’t anymore. Thank you for hearing me out this time though, I really appreciate it. :)

Dear anon!! 🤗🥰❤️ Firstly, I want to thank you for your kindness & respect for other's opinions!! This ask was worded in the sweetest, most considerate way & I appreciate it very much!! There's absolutely no need to apologize for having your own opinion & perspective, especially when you share & explain it so nicely, so never fear!! 😊❤️ Moving on to the meat of your ask - which is in regards to this previous one - you make such a good point!! When you look at it that way, the Luther Braxton Post-Memory-Unearthing Screaming Explosion is perhaps Liz's most justifiable negative reaction in the series LOL I guess looking back from where we are now - knowing all about & being completely fed up with all of Liz's awful writing & characterization in the subsequent seasons - it's easy to dismiss her reaction in Luther Braxton as something unreasonable & irritating & unfair to Red (which, to some extent - as you graciously allow - it is). But - as you generously point out - while that's a valid way of looking at it, it's also definitely worth examining from another point of view!! And I think your point of view (in everything ofc, but particularly in this) is so valuable!! I can relate at least on some level... I have definitely snapped at people, even those trying to help me, verbally & otherwise, when I lost my temper & just needed some space!! In fact, I think that's a pretty universal stress reaction & it's not necessarily something to be super ashamed of (but definitely something to be aware of & work on - a good reminder for us all!!) & it's definitely not a stretch to imagine Liz was going through something similar after being effectively water-boarded & having her memories so unceremoniously rifled through!! And, after all, Liz has one thing we generally don't... a perfect, convenient, willing catalyst for all the negative things in her life: Red (however undeserving of that title he may be.)

(And re: sidenote of touch-averse!Liz - Omg, I definitely thought about that being their angle at first too!! While I don't usually default to reacting that way myself [kind of the opposite for me usually LOL] I know that plenty of people do & it's 1000% valid as a coping mechanism & honestly??? A touch-averse Liz would be one of the more realistic reactions she's ever had 😂😭 especially considering the circumstances!! And hey, no shame about gravitating towards that interpretation bc it's 1) less painful for you & 2) you like comfort characters bc you 👏 do 👏 you 👏 but also?? I can't say anything bc the reason that I like that interpretation??? I love the angst of an overwhelmed & touch-averse!Liz unintentionally shattering Red's heart by completely rejecting his well-meaning physical comfort anddddd I'm not sure what that says about me tbh 😂😂😂)

Long story short, anon, you made perfect sense here, not to worry!! You were so respectful & cognizant of others' feelings, thank you so much for that, it doesn't go unnoticed!! You bring such a good point to the discussion with your perspective & outlook & I'm so thankful you chose to contribute!! I loved reading your thoughts & don't worry at all about the length, I appreciate your thoroughness!! (Plus, we all know I'm hardly one to talk, I never use one word when twenty will do 😂) Please don't hesitate to come back to my inbox any time to discuss whatever you like, I always love a little bit of friendly TBL conversation, especially since the show as we know it is so abruptly & unexpectedly over 😭 Yes, still grappling with that, in case you were wondering 🥲 Anyway, thank you again for your lovely ask, anon, I appreciate you greatly, & much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

[alienwlw]

I saw your post about it's okay to not be okay and read your tag about what kang tae did right/wrong in regards to sang tae and was wondering if you're going to write about it because I personally would love to read it if you do.

yeah i can elaborate a little more - feels like the showrunners did a fair amount of research bc there’s a lot in place in the moon boy’s lives that works really well for sang-tae. i like the way there are emotion cards hanging up the house for sang-tae to practice emotional recognition (this alone wouldnt be effect for someone with asd but we can assume it’s part of a program bc gang-tae talks about practicing with his own face to make exaggerated expressions that sang-tae can read so that sang-tae recognizes how gang-tae is feeling so it seems like emotional recognition is something being worked on in general for sang-tae). there’s also sang-taes stegosaurus on his bag which i’m sure is a huge emotional support for him to have with him at all times.  sang-tae also has his little closet tent in the house when he needs to have some sensory deprivation and additionally we’ve seen gang-tae use his sweater to throw over sang-tae when he started having a meltdown in the book store. i’d say under different circumstances i would never presume to touch someone with asd and hug them the way gang-tae does in that moment but it’s fair to assume sang-tae trusts gang-tae enough to let him and obviously everyone is different so gang-tae clearly knew it was going to help and then moved sang-tae away to a dark quiet room where he could stay until he was ready to come out - which leads into my next point which i brought up in that previous post and that’s gang-tae’s patience. he’s willing to sit outside of that room for as long as it takes for sang-tae to get back to himself and feel better and that’s great - in instances of full crisis that’s exactly what you need to do. we’ve also seen sang-tae taking the bus on his own which is great, and he works at that pizza place with someone who he knows and knows him which is also great because he does read as higher functioning to me and that means he should have those things and have his own life and job etc. which then leads into the problem which is more that the moon boys struggle with co-dependency (from both sides) and that gang-tae hasn’t done enough to cultivate independence in sang-tae. he also hasn’t done enough to figure out a way to teach sang-tae that he sometimes can’t get everything he wants (bc our wonderful precious gang-tae has done everything since that moment at the lake to give sang-tae the world and that’s beautiful but it’s not what he needs). in asd intervention there’s something called a “tolerating no” program where you literally are teaching a person to accept being told no by systematically denying them access to something so they learn the skills to emotionally tolerate it (this is a super cool and complex intervention and you aren’t just heartlessly denying someone something to make them upset, it’s a literal skill that is integral to independent survival and if you’re interested in learning more about the process you can watch a video explaining it here) - there are also things like waiting protocols built around or parallel to tolerating no programs - where you can teach someone to wait first for just five seconds and then slowly and systematically over time you increase the delay - all this is to say that there are systems in place for sang-tae to be increasingly more independent and learn emotional control for better daily functioning if gang-tae were to seek them out but instead, and this was another great moment in the last episode, he and sang-tae are tied to each other like they’re in a three-legged race. so in conclusion, gang-tae is a wonderful and loving brother and he’s coping as best as he can considering the trauma of his youth and the burden of having to become a parent to his own brother - it’s totally understandable that his reaction to this was to put his whole heart into taking care of sang-tae and giving him everything he wanted, it’s just also unfortunate that this wasn’t the best of healthiest path for either of them and now they both can’t function without the other. 

[janiedean]

REDACTED (Remove the //, this just appeared on my dash and ugh I have no words)

I resent the ask even if probably I wouldn’t have had the need since that person blocked me and guess what I never even talked to them ever nor I had an idea of their existence until now so I guess I’m now on some sansan blocklist? K THEN FINE, but lmao.

like.

the hilarious conclusion of that ‘meta’ saying ‘DON’T REDUCE SANSA TO SANDOR’S LOVE INTEREST BC SHE’S A MAIN AND HE’S NOT’ when the entire damned point is that sandor is her love interest not the contrary is rich, but lmao. RETHINKING THE UNKISS. obviously the fact that sansa makes it up is based on trauma, but the entire damned point is that she thinks he kissed her and then basically she spends all the time going like OH BUT HE KISSED ME, HA BUT HE CERTAINLY DIDN’T KISS THEM and she’s thinking about it like it’s a badge of pride and she starts it when she’s sure she’s going to get married with someone and it keeps on going when people actually kiss her nonconsensually...... and when you dream that your first kiss/boyfriend/relationship is 100% the material of romance like sansa does and circumstances make it sure that you have no agency over who you get to kiss, if you actively make up a thing that never existed in that sense ie you’re sure that someone else kissed you before everyone else could... you won’t choose someone you don’t want to kiss.

you’re going to choose someone you do want to kiss.

like the fact that out of every single person she could choose sansa decides that it’s sandor who took that kiss from her and not anyone else and she’s 100% convinced of it means that she’d rather think that HE took it out of everyone so she can tell herself that her first kiss was with someone she wants not so deep down (and she superimposes it on blackwater because it’s the only timeframe in which he could have presumably done that) than admit to herself that her first kiss was with someone that she despises or that she didn’t want to kiss.

that’s the entire fucking point of that and if these people stopped trying to deny that sansa stark uses sandor clegane’s memory as a coping mechanism maybe we’d get somewhere.

also: by the time we got to asos/affc, sansa is not eleven. sansa is a teenager with teenager fantasies which, guess what, also happen to be sexual which is a thing these people really have a problem admitting (yes teenagers think about sex, yes teenagers have fantasies, yes teenagers have wet dreams both men and women, do get on with the damned program), and every single one she’s had has been about sandor because the moment she’s forced to marry tyrion and the willas possibility goes up in flames and no one on the tyrell side smuggles her out or anything she stops thinking about loras if she hadn’t before, from then on if it’s someone it’s sandor.

spoilers if these people didn’t grasp the concept: sansa stark is into sandor clegane to the point she has legitimate sexual fantasies about him and sansa stark is into sandor clegane to the point that he is her literal coping method to survive the fact that her fantasy of being in a love song is being torn to pieces by each single person around her, sandor clegane is the only man referred to as brave and gentle and strong in sansa’s pov which are, oh, wait, the qualities the man she deserves/who’s worthy of her ned listed way back in book one, sandor clegane is literally the only person who’s looked out for her in KL since ned died before she marries tyrion except that he’s not actually related to the people who orchestrated her brother and mother’s death (no shade to tyrion I actually am 100% fine with sansatyrion and if it was book endgame I wouldn’t be disappointed tho obviously I’m on the other train), sandor clegane left his cloak on her floor after blackwater and she fucking kept it and put it on, sandor clegane put that damned cloak on her in that scene we know of, sandor clegane had a scene with her in the beginning where he tells her about how he ended up with half of his face burned that’s fucking ripe with knighthood imagery because if you think sansa putting a hand on his shoulder when she tells him his brother is no true knight has no significance in this context sorry but you’re wrong, and the fact that it’s a relationship with problematic elements same as 99% of the relationships in these books doesn’t mean that you can actually ignore all the goddamned symbology thrown in your face.

also the fact that nothing happened between them in that sense when she was too young to know what she wanted and he was a complete mess but when they meet again she’s going to be a way more confident and older person who will definitely know what she wants and he will have done the equivalent of going to westeros rehab and a) will have quit drinking b) won’t hate himself as much as he did last we saw him should even out most of those problematic elements, which is also why every goddamned single sansan shipper in existence that I know of doesn’t think that the two of them doing anything more than what already happened during acok was a good idea and why every goddamned sansan shipper in existence would argue for them being a thing when she’s old enough to know what she wants and he’s not getting ptsd flashbacks every other second and he’s not drinking himself blind to forget about it.

like, I know that coherency is asking too much from this fandom but for the love of everything that’s holy to these people I just wish that they would stop twisting text around to deny a thing that’s there. if I spent all of that time negating the very likely chance that canon jon/erys might happen in the books as well I’d drive myself insane, which is why when it inevitably happens I’ll roll my eyes and hope grrm writes it better than the show even if jon/erys is very low on the list of ships I would pay to see canonized for good. there’s no goddamned point grasping at straws like that, thank you and I said everything I had to say on the topic.

[meet-me-at-kingsmeet]

Someone wrote an essay on ao3 about the topic at hand w/ the controversial laurent/incest,csa abuse being sexualized in fanfic and ,,,bitch

Many fictions are like this. In the essay on ao3 (I don’t wanna link it bc *air horn*) it references Oedipus as having incestual relations. Great, you’re right. What else happens in oedipus though? Well first of all nothing is explicit, second of all, he umm?? What was that?? Oh yeah LITERALLY GOUGES OUT HIS EYES WITH CAPE PINS and Jokasta kills her self jendisnskdnl so this person’s point????

Fiction can contain dark material. Umm yeah?? Duh???????? Did we not all in this fandom read Capri trilogy?????? Of course we’re okay w that. In Capri thought how is csa and incest displayed though??? NOT SEXUALIZED AND IS DISCUSSED AS WRONG. So yeah dark fiction can contain controversial discussions, but many of those movies and books often go on the side of: ”look at this serial killer!! So interesting and wrong!! But fascinating!!” Or even “there is child abuse, rape, it’s explicit, but I as an author am describing it in a way that’s detailed it as disgusting.

Because u wanna kno something?? Any big name controversial book or movie that has dark tones but is still praised???? It’s praised bc it DOESNT promote the activities, its AGAINST them. And any person who doesn’t realize this (such as a guy who has Fight Club as his fave movie, bc he misses the point that it’s about toxic masculinity, and instead feels he is being praised for his toxic behavior) is most likely committing that behavior themselves.

So this isn’t about how “all fiction should be pure and good!!” Bc we all loved Capri, and it wasn’t by any stretch unproblematic and not controversial. But one of it’s core message was: csa & incest is bad. Rape is bad. Slavery is bad. Don’t do any of that.

So it’s not popular books and movies that are the problem we are having with the fandom. It’s the people IN the fandom. Writing the fiction!!!! It’s y’all who wanna write laurent/r*gent fic!!! You wanna sit and go “oh I’m doing this bc *air horn air horn air horn*”

Ive been in fandoms awhile and I’ve SEEN how it works. Y’all who sit and think “every fandom I’ve been in had ppl who were into this why is this fandom so sensitive” news flash we’re not!!! You just managed to find the same nasty assholes in every fandom!!!! Just bc you tell yourself that “I’m writing laurent being raped by his uncle not bc I wanna get off or anything haha simply bc I looooveeee controversial works.” You’re a fucking liar. There are plenty of protags existing that went through sexual abuse that are strong and didn’t have to explicitly depict what happened. And if there were??? It wasn’t depicted as good????

Theres no REASON to want to write laurent/regent or Laurent/auguste except for one reason: you LIKE it SEXUALLY. That’s IT!!!!!!!!! Yes I can understand the human curiosity of “well what exactly did happen??” But that’s not what fandom and sex every equate to. Fanfiction when dealing with sex is 99.99% of the time done for sexual gratification.

Literally the person referenced porn in there essay as something that depicts dark themes like rape. And that further proves my point!!!! Porn is for SEXUAL GRATIFICATION ONLY!!!!!!!!! You can sit and watch fight club or oedipus with your family but I guarantee you pipe up and go “hey Mom and Dad you wanna sit and watch this hardcore rape kink porn w/ me?” You’re gonna get looked at like ur crazy!!!!! So to say “hey ppl in fanfic can write laurent getting raped by his uncle or brother bc it’s in porn” is just the CHERRY on top of my argument. You might as well have written “laurent being raped is a form of sexual gratification for me.” Like?????? Nobody here is fucking dumb?????? I see you. I see what you’re doing.

They said like “people should be comfortable learning about their sexual interests” okay sure bitch if you wanna get consentually spanked or choked by all means explore healthy bdsm porn!! pornhub is free and teaches lessons on healthy sex ed!!!! but if ur gonna openly talk about how you’d wanna read ch*ld (rape) porn and see if it sexually satisfies you?? *slamming buttons on microwave* IM CALLING!! THE POLICE!!!!! 

It talks about the “think of the children” argument, most likely bc I said yesterday “hey there are teens here who get their hands on this book and interact with the fandom!” That wasn’t me saying “AHHH WE HAVE TO CENSOR EVERYTHING WE SAY BC BABIES ARE ON THIS SITE!!!!” I believe kids and teens reading adult (more mature I mean, not to be confused with porn, tho, I’m not gonna condemn a 15 year old for watching porn) movies & literature can be beneficial. What I meant was that I’m FANDOM SPACES there are ppl who groom 12-17 year olds w/ talk like “oh incest is fine and age is but a number!” See the difference?????

Me: hey teens out there don’t listen to these ppl who are telling you writing and reading ch*ld porn is healthy & unharmful bc they either dnt realize what they’re doing is wrong, or they are predators themselves

ya’ll demons: Oh so we can’t even say “fuck” because a kid might hear us??? *angry white woman screaming and spitting gif*

A big argument I’ve seen is “well I read it bc it’s how I deal with my trauma of being sexually abused.” Now I’ve talked about this in a recent prior post, but look.....I don’t know who told you it was a healthy coping mechanism to read sexualized (ch*ld) rape porn as a way to heal, but whoever did, yourself or another, ITS WRONG! ITS NOT HEALTHY ITS NOT COPING AND ITS NOT HEALING IM GENUINLY WORRIED ABOUT THE LOT OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS BC YOU NEED TO SEEK ACTUAL MEDICAL THERAPY AND GET HELP BC THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS NOT!!!!!!! OKAY!!!!!!!

It’s not okay. People writing ch*ld porn or incest in any fandom isn’t okay because it’s sexualized. POINT BLANK BITCH!!!!!!!!! Y’all aren’t writing some great novel you’re writing porn!!! To nut off with!!!!!!!!

I don’t need to fucking cite bc I believe wholeheartedly in writing controversial ideas. Lots of ideas can be controversial from Laurent and Damen falling in love, into great fictions like Doctor Zhivago, which was illegal in Russia for a long time Bc of its themes against the regime. All kinds of controversial fictions written.

Rape fiction on an ao3 website where ppl will write explicit ch*ld porn and try to say it’s “just fiction” ?? Get fucked.